#Someone put this woman in therapy ASAP | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

nessinborderland · 1 year

Text

V-E-N-U-S (01)

Pairing: Rafe x plus size!Reader

Genre: smut, dark-ish fic

Word Count: 6 ,7k

Warnings ⚠️ Mildly Dubious Consent, Enemies to Lovers, more like Enemies to Enemies That Fuck tbh, Rafe Cameron Being an Asshole, mentions of bullying, Vaginal Sex, Oral Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Rough Sex, Mentions of death of a parent, Drinking, Drug Use, Rafe needs therapy asap, fatphobia, Other Additional Tags to Be Added

Summary: The nickname he had given you in 8th grade was supposed to be ironic. In Rafe’s defense, he used to be a pretty stupid and cruel fourteen-year-old, as most kids that age are. So yeah, nicknaming the fat and nerdy chick Venus – like the goddess of sex and beauty – had been pretty hilarious in young Rafe's opinion.

What he would've never guessed was how much that name would fit you now as a grown woman.

Notes: this is - hopefully - the first of more OBX fics written by yours truly. A joy to write really because Rafe/Drew are turning me into a mad woman and I desperately needed something to quench the thirst. So here, enjoy 💖

AO3 | Masterlist

Rafe was pretty sure he was about to do something he was going to regret. That, or go insane with desire. He could feel something sizzling in his chest the longer he stared at you, hyper-aware of the attention you were attracting. Attention that did not come from him and him alone.

"Wow," Kelce whistled beside him, pulling him out of his thoughts, "Venus looking thick as hell, man, look at that ass."

Rafe had been looking. Hard not to, when the red bikini you were wearing hugged your body like a second skin, showing off your curves in ways that made him wonder how nice it would feel to trace your soft-looking skin with his palms.

Unfortunately for him, he wasn’t the only one with his eyes on you.

He gulped and took another sip of his beer – jaw clenching as he tried to not let his temper get the best of him over Kelce’s words. He couldn’t blame the other guy for staring when you looked that good, but goddamit, did Rafe feel the urge to punch him and every other ogler that dared to eye-fuck you.

His eyes never left your figure as you danced by the pool with the confidence of a young woman that had outgrown her teenage insecurities, a faint smile on your lips as you swayed your hips to the beat of the Latino song playing.

It was the sexiest thing he had ever seen, and – if you had been anyone else – he wouldn't have hesitated to approach you and charm you into his bed.

But he knew it would never work. Not on you.

It was the worst-kept secret that you disliked Rafe Cameron. No, not dislike; you hated his guts; you couldn’t even stand the mere sight of him, a scowl twisting your features every time you were forced to interact with him at the country club where you waited tables. He couldn’t really blame you for that though; not after the things he had done and said to you in high school.

Even Rafe himself was aware of how much of a nasty teenager he used to be; especially to you.

You just so happened to be his favorite plaything. Why, he had no idea, but young Rafe lived for the moments where you would avoid him like the plague during recess, just so he could hunt you down to bully you in the meanest way he could think of.

You had a crush on someone, and he happened to find out? He made sure to personally break your heart. You tried to develop a friendship? There he was to break it even before it started. You dared to tell on him to a teacher? He would harass you at your own home and bombard your phone with nasty texts until you dropped it.

He was king and you were his favorite court jester.

Not that you didn't put up a fight.

More than once you had punched and screamed at him, tears in your eyes as you pinned him down under your fiery gaze. He loved it. In a way, he wondered if that was what made him sink his claws into you in the first place. You scratched that urge in him for confrontation, for a good fight.

He still remembered that altercation between you that had turned into a slapping contest in the hallways, everyone around you urging you on until a teacher came to stop it. He could still feel the sting in his cheek, remember the way your hard gaze never left his even when his palm met your skin. That was one of the reasons why he couldn't stop bullying you, even when that inevitably got him in trouble.

Rafe knew that he used to be your worst nightmare, and, at the time, he hadn’t cared how it make you feel. Looking back, he regretted it.

He really had no idea how he had once thought of you as ugly. If he was being honest with himself, had he ever? Or had he just been a horny teenager with no idea of what to do with his feelings toward the ostracized fat girl? He couldn’t be sure. To be fair, you had been awkward in high school, always dressed in baggy clothes and worn-out shoes, with your glasses at the tip of your nose, which was almost always stuck in the pages of some thick fantasy novel.

But now? The only thing he could say was that you had finally learned how to dress and flaunt every piece of your body in the best way possible.

You had the body of a fucking goddess, an hourglass figure he could get lost in, all curves and wide hips and tits that he could bet even his large hands weren’t big enough to contain. More than once he had imagined your thick thighs wrapped around his hips as he thrust into you, your soft body pressed against his.

Ironically enough, you reminded him of the artwork ‘Venus and Adonis’, which he had seen during a visit to the Met as a kid.

But it wasn’t just your body that made his dick twitch with desire.

Your eyes still had that fire from when you were kids, and your gaze could smolder him on the spot if he locked eyes with you for too long. Your lips alone were enough to make him fantasize about you on your knees with your mouth stuffed with his cock, moaning around him as he came down your throat.

Fuck, did he want you. He was getting hard just imagining all the ways he could bend you over and fuck you until you were an incoherent mess.

A hand on his shoulder followed by his name snapped him out of his thoughts, and he changed his focus to the petite redhead staring up at him with a coy smile on her face.

“Hey, Rafe.”

“Hey, Amber, what’s up?” he greeted distractingly before redirecting his gaze back to you.

His brow furrowed as he noticed a guy approach you and start to dance right behind you, a hand going on your hip as he said something in your ear. Rafe could almost hear his jaw unclench as he saw you shake your head and bat the dude’s hand away, successfully making him leave you alone after that.

“What?” he asked, focusing again on the redhead that had said something to him.

“Was wondering if you have some of the… you know…” she shrugged and leaned against him before whispering, “The white stuff.”

“Got money to pay for it?” he asked straight, taking another sip of his beer as his gaze involuntary moved back to you, still dancing by the pool and thankfully on your own.

“No,” said Amber, her hand tracing patterns on his chest, “but I’m sure we can get to some kind of agreement…”

Rafe scoffed, her double meaning clear to him. It was not the first time she offered him a fuck or a blowjob in exchange for some grams of coke, and it wouldn’t be the last. Hell, any other night and he wouldn’t have hesitated to lock himself with her in the nearest room and let her ride his dick until he came.

But not tonight. She was not who he wanted.

“Sorry, Amber, no money no coke. That shit’s expensive.”

“Oh, c’mon, Rafe–”

“Just fuck off, will you?” he snapped, shaking her hand off of him. “Not in the mood tonight.”

He heard her gasp and curse at him before storming out, but he couldn’t care less if he had offended her.

Right now, you were walking towards him.

He took another gulp of his beer as he tried to act nonchalant; the last thing he needed was for you to notice his constant stare.

But then it happened. Just as you passed by him, so close he could see the beauty marks on your neck, you looked up at him and your lips twitched before you calmy broke eye contact and walked inside the house.

Rafe took a deep breath as he considered following you. You were trying to drive him insane on purpose, it was the only explanation. Why, though? That was a question he was dying to know the answer to. It didn’t even make sense, given your history.

But things had been… off for a while now. He hadn’t even thought much about it until you had smiled at him during one of your shifts at the country club, gaze bearing into his as you refilled his glass. You never smiled at him. Never. And you had definitely never looked at him with anything other than annoyance and contempt in your eyes. That look you had sent him though (so similar to the look you sent him just now), whatever it meant – and he was sure it meant something – that shifted something in him.

After that, it was like he was seeing you everywhere.

He was at the country club; there you were, catching his eye as you served drinks and took orders. He was at the beach with his friends; oh, there you were hanging around your pogue cousin and his pogue friends. But seeing you at a party? A party thrown by kooks, of all people? That was when he started paying attention.

Fuck it, he whispered to himself before downing the rest of his beer.

His feet were dragging him inside the house before he could register the decision to follow you, and Rafe passed by the other partygoers as he looked around for you. He ended up finding you in the kitchen, leaning against the marble counter as you sipped on a glass of water and checked your phone.

He hesitated for a second by the threshold, unsure of what to say, but it didn’t last when you finally noticed him, brows raising as he approached you with a smirk.

You were going to fucking end him.

“V-E-N-U-S,” he spelled as a way of greeting, “long time no see.”

“R-A-F-E,” you imitated in a mocking tone, looking at him with a raised brow. “You know your friends are doing coke in the living room, right? Not here.”

Your expression – together with the mocking movement of you wiping your nose – wiped the smirk off his face, making him bite the inside of his cheek as he tried not to let his temper get the better of him. He wasn’t expecting a conversation with you to go smoothly, but he wasn’t expecting such clear animosity.

He let out a fake laugh and tilted his head to the side as he took a step further into your personal space, suddenly wanting to make you as uncomfortable as you were making him.

“Ha ha ha, aren’t you hilarious. Nah, I was just wondering what a pogue like you does at a party like this…” he said, bite clear in his tone. “Your cousin doesn’t let you hang out with him and his loser friends anymore, is that it?”

Rafe grinned at the glint of growing fury in your eyes.

Let it all out, baby.

“Not that is any of your business, but this pogue is a big girl,” you said with a fake smile, hands on your waist as you stared up at him. “I can go to whatever party I want and, also, I’m not always around John B.”

“Yeah,” he nodded, biting his bottom lip as he looked down at your tits, “you’re a big girl, all right.”

Your eyes grew wide at his words, and you scoffed before crossing your arms over your chest, only giving him a bigger eyeful of your breasts. Fuck, he had to get his mouth on those.

“Fat jokes, Rafe? Really?” you said, raising a brow as he sent you a sneer. “How pubescent of you. You really haven’t changed, huh? Just the same mean rich kid.”

“Oh, c’mon Venus, are you still upset over high school? We’re adults now, can’t we put that shit behind us?” He offered you his hand in a clear peace offering and you scoffed, looking down at it like it had personally offended you. “Look, I’m sorry okay, for everything. Can you forgive me?”

He actually meant it, as odd as it was; especially if he got something else out of it. Rafe would apologize a thousand times if it assured him he would get a taste of you.

“Hmm...” you patted your lower lip in pretend contemplation, and Rafe had to control himself not to replace your finger with his. “Let’s see… besides all the things you said and did to me when we were teenagers – which, I confess, I’m still not over – you have tried to hurt my cousin one too many times for me to even consider forgiving you so… how about – no.”

Rafe dropped his hand with a sigh and an eye roll.

“Really mature of you.”

“Oh yeah, ‘cause you’re one to talk,” you scoffed as you purposely bumped against his side as you walked past him in direction of the sink to refill your glass. “Leave me alone and stop being a fucking creep, I know you and your friends have been staring at my ass all night.”

Rafe didn’t mean for the next words to leave his lips.

“Then maybe stop fucking walking around like you want me to spank it.”

A few seconds went by where neither of you said a word, your back still turned to him as you refilled your glass. He heard as you turned the faucet off, another moment passing before you slowly turned to look at him over your shoulder.

“What did you say?”

“What, is that not what you want when you lean over right in front of me at the country club?”

You snorted before taking a sip of your water and spilling the rest in the sink, setting the now-empty glass on the counter before sending him a very familiar look of disdain.

“You’re honest to god disgusting.”

“Okay, listen…” He took a deep breath as he chose the right words, seeing his efforts to get on your good side going down the drain. “I know that you hate me given our history, but–”

“Whatever you’re gonna say – don’t,” you stated, pushing him aside as you left the kitchen.

Rafe watched with mouth agape, brows furrowing and hands closing to fists as you pushed him aside and left the kitchen.

“You know what? Fucking fine!” he snapped at your back as he controlled himself not to go after you. “Be a bitch about it If you want, why do I care!”

Fuck you for being such a stuck-up and disrespectful bitch. No piece of ass was worth the way you backtalked. Screw apologizing, and screw you. You should be thankful he even looked at you in any way that wasn’t revulsion.

With a frustrated slap against the countertop and a growing need to punch someone, Rafe left the kitchen after you, set on making you regret your attitude by the end of the night.

«»«»«»«»«»

“Hey, bro, you all right?” Topper asked from his seat next to Rafe.

“Yeah, why?” the blond answered as he took a drag of the cigarette in between his fingers.

The party was still ongoing, with people dancing and getting drunker by the hour, including Rafe. His temper had subsided somewhat after another beer and some lines of coke, but the cogs in his brain were still turning as he concocted a plan that would make you swallow your words (and something else, if he was lucky).

He still hadn’t been able to stop himself from staring at you, but drinking was helping him not give a shit about it. He could look at whatever and whomever he pleased, and it was no one’s business – including yours. If you didn’t like it, you were more than welcome to leave his vicinity.

Rafe knew you knew he was watching you. You glanced at him from time to time, never giving him the satisfaction of seeing you squirm under his gaze. That was making his temper rise but, more than that, was seeing you sitting by the pool with some guy chatting you up (with his hand dangerously close to your thigh, he couldn’t help but note with a tick of his jaw).

“Just noticed you’ve been… distracted all night.”

“And? That a problem?”

“Not at all…” Topper answered nonchalantly, pausing for a moment before adding, “Venus looks pretty hot, doesn’t she?”

That made Rafe break his intense stare on you to focus on Topper, the other blond raising his hands at the confrontation in his eyes.

“Wow, man, easy,” he chuckled. “Can’t blame you for staring at her all night.”

“I haven’t been staring at her all night.”

“Sure, you haven’t.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Rafe asked, starting to get particularly annoyed by the tone in his friend’s voice. “Just say whatever you wanna say, Topper.”

“Chill, bro, just noticed you seem pretty interested in her, that’s all,” he explained with a nod in your direction. “You guys made amends or something?”

“Nah, she still hates my guts and she’s still a major bitch.”

“Well, can’t blame her…”

“You’re one to talk, Top. As far as I remember, you were there too.”

“Yeah, but I’ve actually apologized for it like ages ago. She has been pretty friendly lately, that’s why I asked. Plus,” Topper paused to take a sip of his drink, “she has been staring at you a lot too.”

Rafe had nothing to say to that, just grunting in acknowledgment as he finished his beer in one swift gulp before standing up and stretching his arms above his head, sighing as his joints popped.

“Gonna take a leak, be right back.”

This time, he didn’t go back to his friends. No, he wanted to look at you closer, make sure you knew he wasn’t one to be played with. You weren’t kids anymore, but he could still make your life hell if he felt like it. If you wanted to be a bitch, then he would be a bitch back.

And that’s why he sat right beside you by the pool, so close he noticed you flinching when he sat down and his hip bumped yours, his foot also lightly touching yours as he submerged his legs in the heated pool water. You gave him no reaction besides that, your tone of voice unchanged as you kept talking and laughing as if he wasn’t even there.

“I actually don’t have the game, but I love watching playthroughs on Youtube,” he heard you say in an enthusiastic tone. “Would love to play it someday though, I have the books and they’re pretty great.”

Rafe leaned back on his hand and watched you both, a new cigarette in between his lips, chuckling as he noticed the little shimmy you did as you tried to move as far away from him as you could without sitting on the other guy’s lap.

“No way you haven’t played them!” the dude exclaimed, leaning closer to you. “I have them all on PS5. You know what, why don’t you come by my house someday, we can play together.”

“I would–”

Rafe snorted, followed by a laugh as you stopped whatever you were going to say. He tried to just sit there and breathe down your neck. He really did. But he couldn’t stand listening to that fucking guy anymore.

“Of for fuck’s sake, dude, will you shut the fuck up with that nerdy shit?”

He watched as both you and your friend finally shut up, the easy smile on your face being replaced by a scowl as you turned to him, mouth open to no doubt tell him to go fuck himself.

“Rafe, c’mon man, what’s your problem?”

Ryan. Or was it Brian? Rafe didn’t care what the dude’s name was, but he was pretty close to just giving it a go and trying to drown the guy for even daring to talk back at him. His dad was some distinguished surgeon or some shit, so Rafe knew that if he got into a fight with him consequences would inevitably come in the form of Ward, but honestly? He couldn’t care less right now.

“Me?” he asked in mock surprise, pointing at himself with a scoff before throwing his arm over your shoulders and pulling you against his side. “Oh, I got no problem. But I would really appreciate it if you would just fuck off so I could talk with my girl here. You know, I’m afraid you wouldn’t be able to fuck her right anyway. She’s, well, she’s not a small girl and I don’t see a lot of muscle on you so–”

Your elbow hitting his side was enough for him to let you go with a huff. Rafe just stared as you stood up in a hurry, the eyes of the people that had noticed the altercation following you as you stormed off.

He watched you go, content with himself, eyes darkening as he focused on the other guy again.

“Lucky for you,” he started, threat clear in his voice as he stood up, “I got more important shit to do right now.”

With that, he stormed off after you.

He found you by the front lawn, where you now stood in a pair of shorts and a fine jacket, your phone in hand as you no doubt called someone to come get you. Rafe didn’t even hesitate before snatching the phone from your hand, putting it against his own ear as the familiar voice of John B called your name.

“Yeah, sorry, she’s busy right now,” he said, not waiting to hear the response as he disconnected the call.

“Hey, are you fucking insane?” you exclaimed as you looked at him with wide eyes.

“Nah, just drunk,” Rafe laughed as he held the phone above his head and out of your reach, watching you jump and press yourself against him in your sad attempts at getting the device back.

“Yeah, I can see that,” you said with a swat at his chest before taking a step back and extending him your hand. “Give me back my phone, you asshole!”

“What’s in it for me?” he dared with a smirk.

“Not getting kicked in the dick, for starters,” you replied, still demanding your phone. “Also, can you tell me why the fuck did you act like a complete idiot back there? First, you insult me, then you keep staring at me like some perv, and now you just tried to… what, exactly? Embarrass me in front of everyone by causing a scene?”

“You should thank me, that dude had bad intentions.”

“Oh yeah, ‘cause your intentions towards me are so pure.”

He paused.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I’m not some naïve little girl, Rafe. What, think I wouldn’t know why you’ve been staring at me like I’m the last cookie in the jar?”

“Okay, listen, whatever you think you saw–”

“What, embarrassed to admit you wanna fuck the fat girl?”

“Be careful, Venus,” he warned, eyes slanting as he took a step towards you. “Sometimes words backfire.”

“Oh, so you don’t want to fuck me?”

“I don’t know. Do you want me to?”

You did nothing but stare into each other’s eyes for what to Rafe felt like an eternity. He could see the fire in your gaze, feel the desire burning inside him as his dick hardened under his shorts at the sight of your chest right in his face and your lips so close to his. All he had to do was to grab you by the back of your neck and press his lips against yours. Just a simple move and he would know what your lips tasted like.

“You wouldn’t be able to handle me even if I let you,” you broke the spell, fingers touching his chest as you pushed him away, challenge in your eyes.

A moment passed. Then Rafe smirked.

“Bet.”

You shrieked as he picked you up and over his shoulder, and he huffed out a laugh as you screamed his name and thrashed against his hold. Sure, you were heavier than any other girl he had done this to, but you were nothing he couldn’t handle. With a slap to your ass and a hand on your shorts to stabilize you, he returned inside the house like a man who had just hunted down the big prize.

He ignored your screams of his name and your fists against his back, barely noticing everyone’s eyes on him as he took the stairs one by one.

He opened an unlocked door, commanding the half-naked couple in there to leave before throwing you on the bed without ceremony.

“Oh, I’m gonna make you regret this!” you shouted as he locked the door. “You can bet I’m gonna spit on every single one of your drinks from now–”

He shut you up by cradling your face and pulling you up into a deep kiss, tongue swiftly passing by your parted lips as you weakly tried to push him off. A bite on his tongue made him grunt and pull away, only to see you staring at him with wide eyes and a heaving chest, a small stain of his blood on your lips.

“I couldn’t care less if you spit in my drinks,” he said as his thumb grazed your lip to collect his blood before pushing it in against your tongue. “Now be a good girl and suck on it.”

He couldn’t say he was surprised when you bit him instead, pushing him away as you crawled further to the other side of the bed, a look of unease and want mixing in your heated gaze.

That look was enough for him to decide how this night was going to go.

“Touch me again and I’ll bite your dick off.”

“Do you imagine my dick in your mouth that often?”

“Ugh, you’re such a pig!”

Rafe took off his shirt in one swift move, throwing it somewhere in the room before getting on his hands and knees on the mattress, eyes never leaving yours as he crawled closer.

“I can be worse if you let me.”

“Rafe–”

“What?” he asked as he successfully trapped you under his frame, lips brushing against your neck as he whispered in your ear. “Is the big bad girl scared?”

One of his hands found its way to one of your tits, palming the soft mound over your bikini. His dick jolted as you let out a soft moan, and he laughed at how well everything was going. He never thought of you as the kind of girl that would just lay there while he, Rafe Cameron of all people, touched you like this. If he knew this, he would’ve had his way with you years ago.

Years ago. He almost wanted to hit himself from how stupid younger Rafe had been.

He took your mouth in his, smiling into the kiss as you kissed him back, hands on his shoulders pulling him closer instead of pushing him away. Rafe took that opportunity to get himself comfortable in between your thighs, moaning as his erection grazed against your core.

He had to get you naked.

“No, Rafe, we can’t… we should stop,” you mumbled against his lips.

But the blond didn’t stop kissing you, going from your lips to sucking at the skin of your neck as his hand wandered past the waistline of your shorts. You smelled so fucking good, and your skin was so damn soft he wanted nothing more than press himself against you as he fucked you hard and deep.

“Give me a good reason to,” he drawled in your ear as his fingers found your hot core.

You gasped as he pressed against you, and he couldn’t help but notice how your nails gripped his shoulders and your back arched at his ministrations. He rolled his hips against yours, smiling at your sudden lack of words. You wanted this as much as he did, no point in hiding that from him now. Not when he could feel how wet you were under the fabric of your bikini, not when your thighs shook, and your chest heaved like you couldn’t wait to have him inside you.

In one swift move, he sat back with his legs folded under him, pulling you with him in the process. You gasped as he sat you in his lap, legs on either side of his hips.

Whatever you were about to say got lost when he kissed you with the ferocity of a man that wasn’t about to let anything stop him from getting what he wanted. Even if that someone was you. He was going to fuck you tonight; of that he was sure.

“Be a good girl for me and relax,” he said as he slid the straps of your bikini down your shoulders, finally exposing your breasts.

Rafe nearly groaned as he finally got sight of them, big and soft and warm under his palm. He wasted no time in popping a nipple into his mouth, moaning as the bud hardened under his tongue. You yelped and put your arms around his head, caging him against your chest as you arched it against his face.

Good, he thought with a nib to your flesh, I could suck on these for days.

The hand that wasn’t busy kneading your other breast curled around your waist, keeping you close to his body as you swayed in his hold, your soft moans filling his ears.

“Do you have any idea of what you’ve been doing to me?” he asked as he grazed his lips and tongue over both of your tits, hands going down your body to palm your ass over your shorts. “You’ve been driving me fucking insane...”

You didn’t bother acknowledging his words besides a soft hum. He glanced up at you, biting his lip at the sight of your heavy-lidded eyes and parted lips. Everything in you was screaming at him to take you, fuck you so hard everyone in this house would hear you scream his name, pump you so full of his cum that you would have to leave this room with it dripping down your thighs like the whore you were. His whore.

After tonight, you belonged to Rafe Cameron, whether you wanted it or not.

You yelped in surprise as he pushed you back on the mattress, staring at him like you had just woken up from a dream. Rafe admired your tits bounce for a moment before focusing on unzipping your shorts, pulling them down your legs with no hesitation before hooking his fingers on the elastic of your bottoms and giving it the same treatment.

He licked his lips at the sight of your pussy waiting for him in between your plush thighs, gaze darkening as he noticed how you were already glistening with arousal. His gaze went up and down your naked body several times, drinking in your curves and rolls, beyond turned on by the vision that was you naked and blushing under him.

“Soaking wet for me, aren’t you?”

He touched your clit then, smirking at the gasp you let out as his fingers went up and down your slit before pushing two digits inside. He groaned at the feeling of you clenching around him. You were so wet he had no doubt he would be able to sink fully into you in one swift thrust.

With that in mind, he pushed away to get himself undressed, sighing in relief as his hard cock broke free from the confinements of his underwear. He was quick on going back to his place on top of you, spreading your legs open as he lined up with your core.

He was pressed against you – the tip of his cock wet with your arousal and lips on the curve of your neck as he readied himself to take you – when you slapped his shoulder hard enough to break him out of his lusty state.

“What?” he asked, starting to get annoyed by your constant interruption. “You’re regretting it now?”

“No,” you said before surprising him by pushing him onto the mattress and straddling his hips. “I just like to be on top.”

When you sank down onto him, your velvety walls squeezing his dick, he could swear he saw stars. Rafe gripped your hips as you started bouncing up and down his length, eyes locked on yours as he forced you down on him in sync with your movements.

“How many times have you touched yourself while thinking of me?” he asked, smirking at the look you sent him.

“I could ask you the same–”

You moaned as he slapped your ass, his fingers digging into your flesh only making you clench tighter around him. He was living the dream, buried deep inside you as your tits bounced in his face, your fucked up expression making something akin to male pride swell in his chest. You were enjoying having his dick inside you as much as he was.

His hands roamed your body as you fucked him, head thrown back in continuous moans and body shivering in pleasure as he started rubbing circles on your clit.

“Oh my god, don’t stop,” you moaned as you leaned over to support yourself on his chest.

Your moans and whimpers were like music to his ears, and he quickly realized he wouldn’t get tired of fucking you so soon; not when you looked and sounded like that while dripping down his cock.

He wanted more.

In one swift movement, he turned your body around, pushing you back on the mattress before grabbing your legs by the back of your knees and folding you in half. This was how he wanted you; on your back with your legs spread and ready to get fucked senseless.

“Oh fuck!” you moaned with a high-pitched scream as he sank back into you, filling you up to the brim.

The sound of his hips hitting the back of your thighs filled the room, mixing with your moans and whimpers as he fucked you at a ruthless pace, forcing your body up the mattress with every hard thrust. Your eyes were closed, and your head was thrown back, giving him full access to your neck as he lapped and nibbed all over your pulse and collarbone, enjoying your scent mixed with his.

“You take my dick so well,” he whispered in your ear, his words followed by a deep thrust that made you yelp his name. “Yeah, just like that, scream my name. Let everyone know who’s fucking you this good.”

He could feel your pussy clench around him like a vice at his words, sucking him in like you didn’t want to let him go.

“R-Rafe, don’t stop please, I’m so close.”

He obeyed your request, dying to see you unravel beneath him. Rafe didn’t stop fucking you even as you came, your legs shaking and pussy fluttering around him as you let out a muffled sob. It was the hottest thing he had ever seen. He wanted to make you come like that again.

You moaned when he pulled out, eyes opening to glance at him with a question on your lips before he surprised you by twisting your hips to the side.

“Get on all fours,” he ordered. “Ass up.”

“You’re way too bossy for your own good,” you mumbled, abiding by his order all the same.

He chuckled at your words with a loud slap to your ass, grabbing his glistening erection before pushing again inside your dripping folds. You both moaned in unison as he entered you, hands keeping your hips in place as he settled on a rhythm.

Fucking you in this position – ass jiggling as he filled you up and hand gripping your hair, completely at his mercy – made him almost slap himself from how stupid he had been in the past. He wasted all this time looking down on you only to now wish he had been fucking you from day one.

“I should’ve fucked you back in high school,” he growled in your ear as he pressed his chest to your back.

“Like I would’ve let you.”

“You’re letting me fuck you now, aren’t you? On all fours, taking my dick like the good little slut that you are.”

“Oh, shut up asshole. Just come already.”

Rafe chuckled at that, grabbing your chin and turning your face to him before giving you a rough kiss, teeth clashing and pulling at your lip before he promised you, “Keep talking like that and I might just put that smart mouth to good use.”

You laughed then, a moan quickly wiping the smirk off your face as Rafe started touching your clit again, fingers expertly touching you just as he figured out you liked it.

“Come around my cock one more time, baby,” he purred as he sped up his thrusts, his movements shallower as he felt himself near the edge. “Come around me before I stuff you full of my cum.”

“Come inside me and you’re dead.”

Rafe laughed, not at all threatened by your words. Nothing was stopping him from coming inside you, consequences be dammed. You would leave this room with something to remember him by.

He came undone as you orgasmed a second time, firmly holding you by the hips as he came inside you as deep as he could, set on riding both your orgasms for as long as he could.

You both lay on the bed when he was done, a mess of tangled and sweaty limbs as Rafe refused to pull out and drag himself away from you.

“Can you get off of me?” you mumbled after a moment of nothing but panting.

Rafe took a deep breath, not saying anything as he savored your body pressed comfortably against his, soft skin warm and damp like his own. He wanted to prolong the moment, knowing damn well that you would go back to despise him as soon as he pulled out of you. He didn’t want to admit it, but he would rather not go back to how things were, no matter how entertaining the beef you had going on was.

“Rafe…”

He sighed and pulled out without a word, sitting back against the headboard as he watched you stand up and start looking around for your clothes, giving him a nice view of your ass as you leaned over to grab your discarded bikini and shorts.

That familiar tension sat between you in the heavy air as you got dressed without any words shared between you. In the meanwhile, Rafe couldn’t take his eyes off of you, waiting for your next move.

No way he would let you leave as if nothing had happened.

“Can I see you tomorrow?” he asked after he was fully dressed, watching as you texted someone on your phone.

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because this was not supposed to happen,” you said with a shrug. “And it’s definitely not happening again.”

He held your gaze for a moment, taking a step in your direction as you made a move to leave.

“Oh yeah?” he said as he tilted your chin up. “Says who?”

“I do,” you said, batting his hand away before walking past him and opening the door. “Goodbye, Rafe.”

Rafe wasn’t an inflexible man; if you wanted to leave, he would let you. But if there was something he was, was stubborn. For tonight he would leave you be, but he couldn’t promise that tomorrow – or every day after that – would be met with the same leniency.

You would be his, and that wasn’t up for discussion.

«»«»«»«»

Part 2 ->

#outer banks #rafe cameron #rafe cameron x reader #rafe x reader #outer banks fanfiction #rafe cameron smut

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thatgoblin · 8 months

Text

Summary: Despite digging your heels in for months, you finally move in with John.

Warnings: Lots of Scottish swearing.

“Love, why is it so cold?” John asked as he walked into the house. Arms full of groceries, he found me bundled up and on a chair as I tried to open a vent.

“I don’t know,” I sighed. “I’ve been muckin’ about with the thermostat for almost two hours and it keeps spittin’ out cold air. I dinna ken to do.”

“Oh, I’m glad I know Scottish people,” John said softly as he set the food on the counter. Coming over, he picked me up to set me on the ground. “Let me see if I can figure it out.”

“I already called the landlord and he said he’d be here an hour ago and he’s not messaged or called,” I said as I grabbed a blanket to wrap myself in.

“He never does,” John grumbled as he took off the thermostat cover to test the batteries. A few more minutes of him checking things out and he too couldn’t figure out what was wrong. “Everything looks good, but it doesn’t make sense. Why won’t it work? Call your landlord again. Tell him it’s the middle of winter and you’re pregnant and need heat.”

“He knows I’m pregnant and it’s the middle of winter. He will be here at some point,” I said.

“Love, you can’t just wait and hope he shows up,” John said, beginning to put items away.

“Okay,” I said, taking a deep breath. Part of the therapy we had been going to was focused on my constant road blocking and not letting anyone near to help. I needed to work on being able to instantly say no to things John offered to help with. For him though, he was working on not pushing me when I said no to things that did not need to be pushed. The heating was something we needed to get fixed ASAP though.

I grabbed my phone to give the landlord a call as John went back to tinkering with the heating. His phone rang and rang and rang, eventually it went to voicemail and that was full. I sent him a text as well, hoping he’d get back to me soon.

“No answer,” I said with a sigh.

“I know you want to stay here, but for tonight or until the heating is fixed, come stay at my place,” John said. Taking a moment to look around, I nodded.

“Okay. I’ll pack my bag. If you want to put the groceries in the car then we’ll head over.” It didn’t take long before we were packed up and over at John’s. The last time I had been there, I quickly realized, was when we had hooked up for the first and only time.

“John! Hello! Haven’t seen you in a while!” A woman’s voice called from across the street as John got out of the jeep. Looking over, I saw a tall, blonde with tight clothes that showed off her assets. She quickly crossed over to give him a hug as I stayed sitting in the front seat. “How are you? It’s been ages! Still working long distances?” John was stiff, but returned the hug a bit before quickly letting go.

“Yeah, still working on remote stations,” he said with a nod. Jealousy didn’t come naturally to me, at least in the sense that I got jealous over a partner. This wasn’t jealousy that had me hopping out of the jeep to walk over to them.

“Hi,” I said, standing next to John with a soft smile. My hands rested on my large belly that was hard to miss. “Who’s this, Jo?”

“This is my neighbor, Camilla,” John said, wrapping an arm around my waist. “She checks on my plants and gets my mail for me when I go on long business trips. Camilla, this is my partner.”

“It’s lovely to meet you,” the woman said, holding out her hand for me to shake. “I had no idea that John had someone. I guess you’ve kept him all to yourself for the most part. You’re going to have to learn to share.”

“Kinda I guess,” I said, chuckling as I shook her hand. “We have groceries to get in, Jo.”

“Right,” John said. “It was good to see you again, Camilla. We’ll be seeing you.” He gave her a nod and wave before guiding me back to the jeep for us to grab our groceries and bags.

“Don’t be a stranger,” Camilla called before walking back to her house.

After getting everything inside and put away, I turned to John.

“Before you say anything-”

“Jo, she’s fuckin’ on it,” I cut him off with a snicker. “Don’t worry, I trust you. Her, not so much.”

“Let’s just get you settled in,” he said with a heavy sigh. Giggling, I helped him unpack the groceries before we moved my bags to the bedroom. I hadn’t been there since we had first met. “Is it just how you remember it?”

“Is it bad that I don’t remember it at all?” I asked with a wince. John barked out a laugh as he shook his head.

“Considering you were walking out with your shoes in hand, no. It’s fine,” he said, shaking his head. “Here, let’s put your things in the dresser.”

“You don’t have to clear out a drawer for me,” I said, ready to just pull stuff out of my bags. John snorted, rolling his eyes as he opened several already empty drawers of the dresser. “Oh, well then.”

“I may have had a few things ready for if you came over,” he said, dropping a kiss to my head.

“Thank you, I appreciate it,” I said, getting to work in putting my clothes away. “It is a nice house and now I feel bad I never came over till now.”

“It’s okay. I understand why you were hesitant and we’re working to get better together,” he said, carrying my toothbrush and hygiene products to the bathroom. The bed was a full size, something I hadn’t recalled, but then again I had been busy. Putting my body pillow that I cuddled and the super soft blanket that I had to have to pet when I was falling asleep. I didn’t want to tell John he needed a bigger bed, but with just the body pillow on it, it looked pretty small.

Just as I was changing from my trainers to my slippers, my phone rang. It was my landlord. A quick conversation and he would be over the next day.

“What’s the verdict?” John asked, coming back in.

“He said he’d be there tomorrow. Something came up,” I said with a groan.

“I’m not going to push you, but-”

“If I’m moving in, you need a bigger bed,” I said, cutting him off. John grinned as he came over to sit next to me.

“You really want to move in?” He asked, pulling me close to sit in his lap.

“At this rate, the landlord won’t have anything fixed. We’ll have to figure out what to bring in and what can be sold or put into storage, but we need to be in a better home when the baby comes,” I said, wrapping my arms around his neck. “Especially if you have to go on a mission and I’m left here alone with the ween. A sturdy house that has a Camilla instead of a flaky landlord.”

John rolled his eyes as I giggled, kissing his nose.

The rest of the evening was spent making a delicious dinner as we planned on what was needed of my things versus what John already had. Lists were made as we talked excitedly about what room to pick for the baby as well. John’s house was a two story townhouse that his parents had left him in their will, which meant our girl would be growing up in his childhood home. It made me a bit weepy because it was something good and warm and happy that we could give her that I didn’t have. I wanted her to have the opposite of what I did growing up and John’s home was perfect for that.

~::~::~::~::~::~::~

“How do you feel about having a pet?” John asked as I made breakfast the next morning.

“A pet? Like a bird or a cat?” I asked, slicing some fruit to put on the oatmeal.

“Well, like a dog,” he said, pouring himself a cup of coffee. I had to abstain from my usual 3 cups for the last five months and I missed it. “I was thinking maybe having a big dog with you while I’m away would be nice.”

“I don’t know,” I said. “That sounds like more work, especially with a baby. Besides, I still need to figure out my own job and what I’m going to do. I’m sure they’re about to let me go because I’ve missed so much work. Pregnant or not, they need someone there and I’m not getting paid.”

“What if you didn’t get another job?” John asked. “You could be a stay at home mum and not have to worry about that.”

“What, so I can be barefoot and pregnant in your kitchen non-stop?” I snorted. “I need to do something, Jo. Whether it’s a job or picking up classes for computer training, just something.”

“That’s fair, but if you need time between jobs and making a decision on what to do, I will support you. If you want to even go so far as to not get ‘free money’ we can say you’re doing my house keeping,” John said. I had to cackle at that. “What? I’m serious!”

“I know and I appreciate it,” I said, moving to hug him. “I know money makes things sticky, but we are kind of bound together by a child and I’m moving in, so I would appreciate the monetary help.”

“We can set up a joint account so you have money for bills that aren’t on autopay with mine. It will make things easy so we both have our own accounts but it’s easier to send one another money if necessary,” John said, kissing my head as he rubbed my back, rocking us as we stood in the kitchen.

“I like that plan,” I said, smiling up at him. We were finding our rhythm and the counseling was working. I actually was realizing how happy I was compared to before him. John wasn’t the sole thing to keep me happy and sane, but he definitely was a part of it.

~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~

“Guess who I brought home!” John called from the front door as I came up from the basement having been busy with laundry. We had agreed on a dog and after looking at some pictures and reading up on breeds that were good with kids, we had decided on a German Shepherd/Bernese Mountain mix. He was two years old and at a shelter nearby, we had decided to adopt as well after finding out how much pure bred dogs went for as well as what went into making them. I was in love with the big, goofy looking guy the moment I saw him. He looked a lot like a Shepherd, but his ears were floppy and his coat was thick with more of the Bernese coloring than the Shepherd’s.

“Hello, sweetie,” I cooed, coming to greet the pair. The dog wasn’t wild, but he was clearly excited as he sniffed everything. I let John lead him over, a rubber muzzle on him for the time being. Some training would be necessary, but we both wanted this and knew it would be worth it in the long run. Holding out my hand, I let him sniff it curiously before getting a few kisses through the muzzle. “Aww, thank you Darlin’,” I said, close to tears at how kind and gentle he was being. The hormones had made me mostly sweaty and achy, up until the last week and then the emotions started and I couldn’t help but get weepy over the smallest thing.

“Welcome home, Cromwell,” John said, smiling as I began to pet the pup.

“Cromwell?” I asked, looking up at him with a furrowed brow. “What’s that from?”

“Oliver Cromwell was a general for the New Model Army in the 1600s,” John said, reaching down to give firm side pats. I knew he was interested in British military history, so it didn’t sound odd, but I knew that name somehow. A quick google search had me sighing heavily. “What?”

“The New Model Army, specifically Oliver Cromwell fought against the Scots to colonize them,” I said, narrowing my eyes and pursing my lips.

“Oh. . .” He said, realizing the issue.

“We’re not naming our dog after a fuckin’ colonizer. You’re lucky I’m not holding it against you for colonizing my uterus,” I said with a huff.

“I don’t know about that,” John said.

“The fuck ye mean ye dinna ken ‘bout it!?” I cried, getting a loud bark and awoo from the dog. “See! He’s a Scot! We’re not naming him after the bastard!” John groaned, sighing as I bent over to baby talk and love on our furry son.

“Then what should we name him?” John asked. I stood up straight and settled him with a menacing smirk. “Oh no.”

“Well, I’m from Lochend, so why not Nessie?” I said. “Are you a Nessie? Yes? Is your name Nessie?” I babbled at the dog who began to dance and whine as he became excited with me.

“Jesus Christ, fine, his name is Nessie,” John said, shaking his head at us.

~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~

“Are you okay?” John asked, eyes a bit wide as he stared at me and Nessie. I was on the couch with the dog curled up next to me, watching Archer on the TV.

“Yeah, why?” I asked, looking from the screen to his concerned face.

“Your belly. . . Is the baby doing that?”

I had a plate of pickles, olives, and crisps with dip on my belly and my child was making the biggest surf waves as she stretched and moved around. The plate was like a surfboard, riding the waves.

“Aye,” I said. “She’s just gettin’ her calisthenics in,” I said with a shrug, turning back to the TV.

“It. . . It doesn’t hurt?” He asked, just keeping his eyes trained on my belly.

“I mean, it feels weird, but I’ve gotten used to it. She’s been doing this for a while now, Jo. You’re just able to see it more now because she’s gettin’ bigger,” I said, chuckling as he shifted, crossing his arms then quickly putting his hands on his hips. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” he said, looking from my belly to my face then back to my belly. “Yeah, I’m good.”

~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~

“Jo!” I screamed from the kitchen. “JOHN! GET IN HERE!” There was a feral growling coming from inside the cupboard as I held it shut. John barrelled into the room with Nessie right behind him.

“What? What is it?” He asked, looking around to assess the threat.

“There’s a BIRD in the cupboard!” I cried, pointing to the shut door as singing replaced the growls.

“What do you mean a bird? How did a bird get in?” John asked, coming over to shoo me off to the side.

“I had a window open to clean it and it just flew in,” I said, looking around him at the singing cupboard. “It came in like a fucking fighter pilot at me head and then it hovered around the kitchen before going to the mugs. I think it might have shit in there.”

“What the bleedin’ hell?” John muttered as he peeked into the cabinet. “Oh Jesus, Love,” he groaned as he opened the door to show a bird the size of my hand with a white head and light blue body in a glass jar. It was bobbing and singing as it literally vibrated itself in circles now and then. “It’s just a little budgie,” he said with a chuckle. “It’s probably someone’s pet that got loose.”

“You can have a bird as a pet?” I asked, looking on confused as John mirrored my expression back at me. “Don’t look at me like that!”

~::~::~::~::~::~

“It’s just until we find the owner or a foster home for it,” John said, pulling the sheet over the large birdcage. After an emergency run to the store, we found ourselves with a dog and a bird.

“Jo, I don’t know how to take care of a bird, not even for a few days. What are we going to do if we don’t find the owner? I’m just learning to take care of a dog and soon a wee babe!” I sighed. “I’m just not an animal person, I’m sorry. We never had any growing up, save for Johnny’s gerbil, Dalglish, that he lost after having it for a week. It never came back.”

“Your brother’s gerbil ran away from home?” John asked, snickering as Nessie looked at the covered cage with worry. At least it looked like worry. He whined a bit, but hearing John say his name and he was quiet. John and I were working hard to train him and it was definitely paying off. Part of me was worried that he’d try and eat the bird, but so far he just stared in concern.

“None of us knew how to take care of anything! No one taught us! It was a gift for his birthday when he was 11 and from one of our aunts. I don’t remember which one,” I explained. “You’re lucky I know how to take care of you.”

“For which I am thankful,” John snorted. “But I’m also a grown man.”

“Which proves why animals are a big step and we need to find someone to take the bird,” I said. “So don’t get attached.”

~::~::~::~::~::~

“Aw, thank you, you wee babe,” I cooed at Bonnie, the budgie, as she walked around my shoulder and made kissy noises at me.

“What happened to you not being an animal person?” John asked as I made posters of her to put up.

“Mind yer own business,” I said, narrowing my eyes at him.

~::~::~::~::~::~::~

The ADHD was really ramping up with the hormone shift. The staring off into space while forgetting what I was doing. That wasn’t the case at the moment. John was grunting and huffing as he was putting together the crib we had just bought. It was supposed to be done in 20 minutes, but the instructions only came in French apparently. So John was doing his best to go off the pictures. I stood in the doorway, watching as he sat on his knees and staring at the large unfolded paper. He was concentrating, furrowing his brow as he rolled up his plaid button up sleeves to get them out of the way. It was a few minutes of standing there, staring at him while fantasizing about doing something else than putting the crib together, before he looked up.

“Can I help you?” He asked with a chuckle.

“You’re lucky I’m pregnant right now or I’d be making you put a baby inside me now,” I said, earning a gruff laugh.

~::~::~::~::~::~

“You’re finally speaking to your brother because you need him to side with you on this argument?” John asked, pinching the bridge of his nose as I called Johnny.

“Aye,” I growled.

“ ‘lo?” Johnny’s voice was confused and probably nervous.

“ ‘ey, yer on speaker. Tell John he’s a fuckin’ right bastard for tryin’ to name the baby Margaret?”

“What!? Sir! The fuck ‘re ye on about!? Respectfully, Price, what the fuck!?”

“It was a suggestion!” John cried, throwing his hands up in the air.

“A shite one!” Johnny yelled. “No niece of mine will be named after that fuckin’ badger of a cock muncher!”

“Huh? What are you talking about?” John asked, looking confused.

“Margaret Thatcher,” I said, staring at him.

“. . . Do you know your father, Mike, do you know his nickname from SAS?” John asked.

“No, I dunno none of ‘em,” I said with a sigh.

“I’m not opening up this can of worms,” John said quickly walking away.

“So. . . Are we good now?” Johnny asked from the phone.

“Aye, we’re good. Just don’t tell our parents a thing about me,” I said.

“Understood. . . Simon just got me some Irn-Bru, do you want any?”

“I’m offended that you have to ask. I live with John now, so bring it over.”

“On the way.”

“Oh, by the way, John knows about Dalglish.”

“NOT DALGLISH!”

<<<Previous

Masterlist

COD Masterlist

Taglist: @birdstoprey @sebbytheraccoon @pricescigar @alwaysshallow @sae1kie @sleepydang @lexi-zsy09 @ghostlywhiskey @ghosts-cyphera @poohkie90 @neothewitch @shadofireshinobi @sadslasher13 @h0n3y-l3m0n05 @xaestheticalien

#captain john price #captain price #cod mwii #cod mw2 #captain price/reader #john soap mactavish

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justmenoworries · 1 year

Text

Lore Olympus Episode 247 Spoilers

Mfw Persie demands an appointment with Chiron "asap", only to then be just late enough for Demeter to get anxious.

Yeah, no, this was an obvious power-play on Persie's part to make sure Demeter didn't feel secure enough to actually defend herself. Don't tell me this isn't something current Persie would do, she 100% would.

Lmao, RS panicked because literally everybody was pointing out that hxp weren't doing any parenting, despite saying they'd be better parents than Zeus and just shoved Dionysus into the episode as a gotcha.

"I'd like to start by asking you both what you hope to achieve with this session today?"

Demeter doesn't want to achieve anything, this was literally forced on her. She had no idea Persephone was doing this until the last second.

Persephone just wants to dunk on her mom some more without consequences.

"You trapped Hades in a jar!"

Oh fuck off, Persie, your smurf-boytoy wasn't even hurt. Honestly, compared to what Hades put Demeter through, locking him in a jar was extremely minor and justified. Hades had no right to intrude on Demeter's home when she only wanted to see her daughter without her groomer present.

"We're not here to point fingers."

Yeah, but Persie's gonna do it anyway and the narrative will back her up like it always does.

The way Demeter just calls hxp's asses out on being capitalist jackasses who profit from death and the spirits who can't do anything to stand up for themselves.

"[...] You haven't even seen what I do in the Underworld."

Persie, you haven't done shit in the Underworld. You delegated work to someone else, that's not the same as working.

I really appreciate what we got to learn about Demeter and Metis' relationship. Honestly, I wasn't expecting Metis to just flat-out tell Demeter that she was created solely to help defeat Kronos. But since this is the same woman who slept with a much younger man despite knowing two of her daughters had a crush on him, I guess I shouldn't be too surprised she was a shitty parent in other ways too.

I'd enjoy all of this Demeter-lore more if the episode didn't immediately twist it to invalidate all of her concerns about Persephone's development and hxp's relationship through invoking generational trauma in a really manipulative way.

So.... Daphne did tell everybody about Apollo? Or just about the tree-part? Does that mean Apollo's political career is over? Because I think the fact that he violently assaulted a nymph should put a damper on his popularity with the populace.

Artemis finally asks a question she should have asked in season 1. Better late than never I guess. And of course we cut off before anything of substance is achieved.

We haven't gone anywhere with the therapy-session and the whole Artemis and Apollo conversation just served as another cliffhanger.

#anti lore olympus #lore olympus spoilers #lore olympus critical #lo critical #anti lo

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awesomehoggirl · 5 months

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Here's a rant i have wanted to post since january. 😊 content warnings for this post i am going to be raving about how the nhs treats eating disorder patients. LOL

i am so grateful for the existence of the NHS and so grateful that my experience has actually been a GOOD experience as far as seeking help for mental health problems goes in this dam cuntry. but god this process has been fucking soul crushing and it scares me so bad because i got lucky and hung on and so many others cannot. i was lucky that when i went to my gp in january and did the scariest thing i could possibly imagine and ask for help for my anorexia, i was taken seriously - most likely because i am a young white woman who was already at a severely low weight and therefore fit the 'profile' for restrictive eating disorders. i was lucky to get accepted for treatment at a local outpatient clinic and lucky for it to only take four months to get my first therapy appointment (tomorrow, and actually exactly four months to the day since i first asked for help). and it hurts that four months is lucky because without a shadow of a doubt these four months have been the worst period of my life. worse than when i wasnt set on getting better and was fully lapsed in anorexia. worse because i was strung along waiting for each appointment date and was essentially instructed to 'stay put' - don't get more disordered, per se, but don't get better. worse because every appointment was incredibly triggering and would set me back so far and by the time i did get to the outpatient clinic i was medically unstable enough to be hospitalised (but wasn't). my body was fucking shutting down, and i am one of the lucky ones. every day was absolute fucking torture and i was a complete shell terrified of doing 'too well', getting dropped from the process, and being sent back to square one - more than i was afraid of the way things were getting worse.

and things didnt improve for me when i was admitted there. not that i was expecting them to wave a wand and cure my anorexia but essentially i was given a formal diagnosis, the minimum meal plan with the promise i would have one tailored for my needs asap (has still not appeared - it has been a month) and the promise of regular therapy (ditto) and more details on my treatment to come (ditto). things didnt even marginally improve until i went home for a month and basically let my parents take over and teach me how to take care of myself again. they didnt improve until i picked up books on the biological basics of anorexia and taught myself what the fuck i was even going through. i could have died from refeeding syndrome during the months i was waiting and i would have had no idea what was happening! it makes me insane to think i am one of the lucky ones.

how can a gp look at someone who is dying and tell them to keep doing the thing that is killing them until theyre off a waitlist? i swear to god if any of them had to walk a single day in the shoes of someone suffering anorexia we would have an entire system rehaul because it is actual living hell. and god i haven't even touched on inpatient facilities - i haven't experienced one but the countless stories i've heard from people i've talked to are enough. the idea that shoving meals at someone with a severe mental health problem and discharging them the minute they're 'weight restored' (which is such a wavy idea anyway, and nobody can decide what someone's healthy set point is apart from their own fucking body) is such an insane misunderstanding of the disorder it seems actually stupid. with no work to neurally rewire the fear response to food or body changes they are setting people up for relapse and then deem patients 'treatment resistant' when they do. if i went into the way they look at binge eating and treat patients at higher weights this post would be a million miles long i can't even start lol

when i was on the bus to one of the appointments i was googling the outpatient clinic id been referred to and found the case of a girl previously in her care who went to the same uni as me, did the same course as me, was the same age as me, and unfortunately passed in her dorm room due to complications of her disorder which were not flagged because of negligence. she 'seemed fine' one week and was gone the next. i sat there on the bus and didnt even cry because i was too exhausted and sick, but i've cried over her since. i just think people with eating disorders are so misunderstood and the treatment is so wrong and needs to be rehauled so badly. i'm angry for that girl who died across the street from the doctor's office where i sat and was told to stay put in my disorder, wait it out, wait for help which just doesn't seem like it's coming at this point.

if any positive has come from my drive to fight for myself has never been stronger. all i want in the world is to go to america in august and even if my family and gp don't believe i'll be well in time, i believe in myself. i am proud of myself and scared for myself and angry for myself. for all the awfulness i have grown so much as a person and learned a lot about myself. it feels surreal to post about anorexia on my blog because it is so deeply shameful to me and something i have struggled with on and off quietly for years, but i am going to fucking get out of this and go to america and have the most awesome time. also tomorrow i am going to have a pastry at a cafe with my mum and yes i am terrified but i am also excited because it will be yummy. fuck eating disorders and fuck ummmm waitlists or whatever

#tw ed #tw eating disorders

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drysdalehansenswhore · 9 months

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Oh gosh, never in my life I thought i'd do something like that but unfortunately we're surrounded by immature and ignorant people in this world and some of them better seek therapy.

*big sigh* let's begin!

You Captdelusional and your minions are so damn ridiculous words can't even explain. The way I'm feeling second hand embarrassement. Can't believe you made a whole post "are you still a CE fan" and captioned it "that's what you got when you do PR instead of acting classes" that's so sad because you're a grown woman and act like a 10 years old and I'm being generous here.

Not to mention how you and your minions think tumblr is the only platform ever where he has fans 🤣🤣🤣 and the way you're so proud of yourself for obtaining only 220 replies as if it makes a whole fandom when it's not even half of it, but guess math is not your thing either. Careful, ignorance is showing 👀 and btw, somone who gets called "best part of the movie" by the gp and got preached by one of the best directors in the industry for his performances and people literally regret his departure from a franchise does not need "acting classes" (unless you're referring to someone else I won't name) I get that you're hurt but at least avoid saying bs for your sake. But since you act like a kid and put your fave on a pedestal , I'll do the same and reveal you that me and a good chunk of people prefer his acting over your fave which is always the same thing, kinda annoying yk? To get hooked on a character, we need truthfulness, spontaneity. Not repeating the script as it is. It just shows to me that "fans" like you can't recognize talent and it makes me laugh that you even dare to judge. Poor clown.

To each their own, ig? Anyway, sorry to break it to you and your other delusional minions but that A lister and I repeat A lister as you probably think actors come down of their position when they do sth that you don't like 😭 still has million of fans all over the platforms: X, tiktok, ig, reddit, tumblr, you name it but of course for y'all with a very low IQ only tumblr and IG exist. How ironic.

You know what else is so funny and ridiculous at the same time? before he ended up in this "pr" as you call it (which we don't know the reason and you act all almighty bec you think you have contacts in the industry but you don't even know that Hollywood force celebs to do worse things than PRs like parties with p*dophiles where your fave willing or unwilling participate in. or you think he's a saint 😇 lmao) you were all drooling over him like sl*ts. Immaturity showing big time. Clowns.

And btw, funny how you muted replies and reblogs so that no one could call you out, too bad I found a way... Finally, y'all need to stop infantalize grown up woman who can pay bills and make decisions for herselves like to have a family with grown up men who don't even care about your opinions. Wake up kids, it's 2024 and you still can't distinguish an adult woman from a kid. What now, looks? now bec someone is blessed with youthful looks can't get married bec she will always look like a "kid"? oh please, y'all need therapy and you need it asap! "child bride" you know there actual child brides (unfortunately) or your very low IQ can't get you think about it ? 🤔 stop calling "child brides" literally adults, that's disgusting and makes you a low person and a disgusting cr*ep.

GROW TF UP! At your age you should focus on work, family and your partner, if you even have one but I doubt it because with people like you no one would ever want to spend a dime on. Let alone be with you. And before you wonder, I'm no team this nor team that, I'm just patiently waiting for it to end but immature and delusional people like you showing up on my dashboard makes it all difficult.

#can't believe I'm doing this #IQ of a child #idgaf about that woman but y'all need therapy #embarassing #🤡 behavior #y'all need therapy #A lister #Chris Evans #chris evans pr #pr shitshow #queueanon #captregina

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bisluthq · 9 days

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Omg @ anon who was mean to her bf who got drunk and is talking with his mom, etc. may I please add some things to what Nat said?

1. You said you had tried to hide that part of yourself from him (the angry and mean side - apologies for paraphrasing, I’m tired lol), whether you get back with your bf or not, I’d like to gently suggest instead of trying to “hide” that part of you, to seek some sort of therapy or anger management type thing.

I’m someone who grew up associating anger with violence, because that’s how it was expressed. So I hated being angry and would do anything to avoid it. Then every few months I’d EXPLODE with anger and just rant screaming alone because I’d been holding it in for so long. I’m a long timer with therapy lol so I asked how can I feel anger without being violent. She suggested when I wanted to scream, scream into a pillow, exercise, etc all those things when you feel that burst of it, but most of the anger I had and then exploded was because I was internalising any time I felt even a little bit frustrated, and the root cause was I wasn’t setting or enforcing my boundaries. I would ignore jokes that weren’t funny and I felt hurt by, I picked up the slack of others - I should’ve said ‘hey I don’t like that please don’t say that to me or when I’m around’ and I should’ve asked other people to carry their load and not leave it up to me. Once I started doing that, the outbursts became a lot rarer and I can handle my anger if that makes sense?

You also said you got it from your dad, so you might have some childhood wounds that need addressing and you’d probably find out what your triggers are by talking about it with a good therapist and working through it instead of having to pretend you don’t get super angry and say mean things or whatever - like you can learn to just not do it, instead of hiding that you think it? And it doesn’t make you an asshole for thinking ‘THIS PERSON I LOVE IS AN IDIOT BECAUSE THEY …’ like that’s normal.

Therapy for all! 🩷

2. OMG put distance between you and his mother!!!! Like Nat said, great you get along and great she’s being nice, but ok if you don’t get back with your ex - there’s no reason to talk to her. And I’d bet money she isn’t telling her son to take you back because the 2 of you are being polite! if he brought home woman tomorrow, do you think she would be nice and polite to her? or would she scold her son for moving on and say this new chick isnt as good as you? i dont know any of these people and it doesnt sound like your ex is about to bring someone else home, but if shes nice and normal she probably wants her son to be happy and would be nice to thr new chick.

If you and your ex do get back together and want to be a forever couple, have kids, get married, etc. do you want her expecting to be in the delivery room wheb yoi have a baby? or thinking she has final say on your wedding planning? DO NOT prop her up higher than yourself in this relationship! Because if you start scting like a sexless throuple, your partner will wonder why you turned against his mom because youre not letting her pick your wedding date and she announced your pregnancy on fb before you got to! dont create a monster just becUse you want to stay in his good books!

3. just text him today. dont givr him more time to ppssibly start getting over you by waiting until next week. then it looks like youre only texting for a booty call. you love him, you want to be with him - tell him that! probably not in text lol. but try to see or call him or face time ASAP! Let this be a short blip in your relationhip (if you get back tohether) or at leasy know where yoi stand so you can sfart your healing proxess if he doesnt want to get back together.

good luck and sorry for typos autocorrect has turbed off and it seems i heaviky rely oj it lmao

really solid advice yea

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itgirlification · 4 years

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supermodel | jjk

the last three months have been hell for you, but Jungkook seemed to be living his best life.

pairing: ex-bf!jk x thick!reader

warnings: explicit mentions of body image and insecurities, infidelity, anal sex, oral (male receive), foul language (kinda), etc.

now playing: supermodel by sza

part two part three

Exactly three months ago, your and Jungkook’s 2 years relationship officially ended. Unofficially, it ended about 5 months ago. And for about one month now, Jungkook’s been seeing someone else.

Your heart and mind told you not to do it but you couldn’t help calculating. Three months ago, you were still dating, two months later, he started dating someone else. That must mean he’s known her for a while. Did he cheat on you with her? Well, it’s not like it matters now anyway, does it?

Her name was Yuki, an undeniable Japanese beauty. You were still in college, studying music and she was a famous model who appeared in internationally known magazines. You assumed she met Jungkook during a photoshoot since he was a professional photographer who often worked for companies like Vogue and Playboy. You couldn’t help but compare yourself to her.

It wasn’t the fact that he moved on so quickly that hurt you the most. It was the fact that he knew all about your low self-esteem and how you lack confidence. Especially about your body. And he still went and dated a model, of all professions in the world. He was definitely over you.

If you didn’t know any better, you’d think he did it on purpose. But thankfully, you knew better, he looked too happy for that to be even considered. He forgot about you.

You’re making yourself sadder by remembering all the times he assured you you were beautiful and your body was nothing to be ashamed of. The times he let his fingertips run over the lines of your stretch marks, whispering in your ear how much he loved them and how they reminded him of Tiger stripes. The times he caressed your jiggly thighs and told you how sexy he thought they were.

Then your mind would drift back to the phone in your hand, the Instagram page of Yuki Sakurai opened, careful not to accidentally like anything and expose yourself. Not that she’d notice anyway, she had 3.7 million followers, while you had a private one with 500 followers and no posts, and she gets around 300 to 700 thousand likes on each post, depending on whether she posts random photos or pretty pictures of herself. Or newly, your ex-boyfriend, Jungkook. Oh, how crazy everybody goes whenever she posts him. People love them together. You couldn’t blame them. Two attractive people? Of course, they’re gonna look great together.

Fucking great.

That the end of your relationship with Jungkook would look like this was semi-predictable from the beginning. He did admit to you that he never thought he’d date someone that looked like you when you first dated. And your heart broke a little. But he also made up for it in those two years, it was a beautiful relationship nonetheless.

While you weren’t exactly his ‘ideal’ type, he was definitely yours. You always heard from other women ‘when in a relationship, the man always has to love the woman more than she loves him. Otherwise, it won’t work.’ You never really got the saying until your breakup with Jungkook happened. It was the fact that you clearly loved Jungkook more than he loved you that lead to this.

“Oh my goodness!”, your roommate, Jane, dramatically exclaimed. “Will you stop feeling bad for yourself and do something? That’s not what hot girls do, sis.”

Jane was a lovely girl with a not so lovely temper. She always means well and you got along perfectly as soon as you met. Which was around 3 and a half years ago.

She looked over your shoulder to see what you were looking at. You obviously didn’t want her to see you snooping around your ex-boyfriend’s current girlfriend’s Instagram but it was too late.

“Seriously, yn?”, she took your phone in her hand and threw it on the bed. “Let’s go somewhere, you can’t do this to yourself anymore. I’m not letting you.”

Jane was clearly worried about you at this point. The only thing you did these last few weeks was eating, shower, cry, sleep and miss a whole bunch of classes. This wasn’t good at all.

“Where?”, your question was short.

“To the mall? Or the nail studio? Anything that’ll get you out of this fucking dormitory.”, Jane sighed, pulling the blanket off of you, making you whine a little. “C’mon, go put on some cute outfit and we’ll go.”

You felt bad since she was trying hard to make you feel better. But it didn’t really work.

You nodded, standing up from the bed, nonetheless. You picked out a cute two-piece dress, that brought back blurred memories of the time you went on a date with Jungkook, wearing the same two-piece. Bet Yuki would look cuter in this...

‘Shut your petty ass up, yn. It’s embarrassing, the way you’re stuck on a taken guy who wants nothing to do with you’

You wish you could change the way you think, even if it’s just for an hour or two. You wish you would stop imagining Jungkook judging you when he saw you naked or when you told him that you wished you could cut off some of your fat with a pair of scissors.

You were beyond ashamed of yourself. Why wasn’t it easy for you to just stay by yourself? why were you so desperately in need of Jungkook by your side to the point where you’d lock yourself in your room for a month just because he isn’t there?

You needed Jungkook. You became so attached to him in those two years, because you always saw him as a permanent, a forever. Not just a temporary, not just a distant memory. You already saw him as the father of your children, as the man you’re gonna marry.

You were so blinded by the fact that you had him, that you forgot you could lose him anytime.

“I’m done, let’s go.”, unenthusiastically, you announced to Jane, who was already waiting for you.

“Let’s get the fuck outta here!”, In contrast to your spirit, hers seemed to be all roses and daisies. “Lord knows you need it...”

__________

“Look at this cute ass skirt, girl”, Jane pointed at a chic, wine mini skirt she was holding. “You know, when I saw it back there I wanted to have it, but it’d look so much better on you”

You took a few seconds to admire Jane’s beauty. She was about 3 cm taller than you, had a great posture, and almond, dark brown eyes that suited her dark skin tone perfectly. Her body leaned more towards the slimmer side.

“Shut up! No, it would not”, you let out a small giggle. “It would look gorgeous on you, buy it.”

She smiled a little at your laughs. She was happy to see you at least a little cheerful again. “Yeah, but I think it’d look better on you. I’m entitled to my own opinion, am I not?”

You knew this debate was gonna go back and forth, because of her stubbornness. “Let’s both buy the skirt.”

You ended up doing so, added by a bunch of bags full of clothing. This may’ve turned into your new coping mechanism. Who needed therapy when you can go on a shopping spree?

Two hours were spent in boutiques and clothing stores and Jane decided she was tired, wanting to visit the local spa.

“No, seriously, these Riverdale seasons just keep on getting worse and worse. Netflix needs to step up their game ASAP”, Jane ranted, making you laugh at how serious she takes it. “It’s getting embarrassing. I’m being for real.”

The two of you were sitting in the whirlpool at the spa, relaxing your whole bodies a little.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, I don’t watch these new Netflix shows anyways. Been stuck on the vampire diaries for the last 7 years”, you chuckled, knowing you hated trying new things. “Can you pass me one of those magazines?”

Jane nodded, grabbing a random one from the table next to her and handed it to you, without looking at it.

The cover of it caught your eyes immediately. How could it not, when your ex’s new girl looks absolutely dazzling on the front page of it.

‘Supermodel Yuki Sakurai talks summer fashion tips, struggle with self-love and most importantly, her hot, new boyfriend the media is going crazy over’ was the headline of the Harper’s Bazaar Magazine cover.

You felt your stomach getting sick and your breath getting heavier, but you still flipped the pages until you found the one with her interview. You began reading it, skipping the boring parts.

‘Int: so, we see you have a new boyfriend. Tell us, how did you guys meet?

Yuki: Yeah, he’s an amazing guy. We actually met about six or five months ago at one of my photoshoots, since he’s a photographer and we exchanged numbers and stuff, and then we made it official mid last month.’

About six or five months ago? You were with him back then, but her answer was too unclear to find out if he cheated or not.

“Woah, yn, you okay?”

You entirely forgot about the fact that you were with Jane, let alone somewhere other than your bed.

Before you could react, Jane snatched the magazine out of your hand.

“You really can’t escape them, huh?”, She sighs, taking you in her arm. “It’s gonna be okay, baby. In a few months, you’re gonna look back to this and think wow I really was stuck on a guy who’s scared of microwaves and cried like a bitch when Iron Man died.”

You laughed, punching her arm playfully. “You know, I actually love these things about him. Shows his sensitivity and the way he perceives things.”

Jane looked at you as if she didn’t believe you were actually saying that stuff. “Girl, you’re overanalyzing this. Let’s just throw this shit in the trash, okay?”

She put the magazine aside.

“I just don't know what I did wrong.”, You murmured. “I know we weren't the best, but we didn't even fight that much. We could’ve talked it through.”

Jane pursed her lips and cooed. “You know, relationships are complicated sometimes. The reason why he broke up, to begin with, is probably not your fault.”

“Well, what if it is? I mean what if I was too fat or too ugly for him?”, you asked. “If he wanted a skinny girl so bad, I could’ve lost weight for him, I don’t get it.”

Jane looked at you like you lost your mind entirely. “I can’t believe you just said that! Even if that was the reason, which it wasn’t, you shouldn’t make yourself suffer because of it. That’s his loss. You’re beyond gorgeous and you have an amazing body.”

“You’re just saying that.”, tears slowly started coming up in your eyes. “But the thing is Jungkook knows all about my insecurities. Why would he do that to me? I know he knows that I’m still not over him.”

You usually didn’t like crying in front of other people, but you didn’t really care at the moment, besides that was Jane. You trusted her with your life.

“Girl, men are trash, I can’t believe you’re crying over one right now, seriously.”, she wiped your tears and held your face between her hands. “You know, honestly, I’ve read so many articles about how models actually hate themselves and have like the lowest self-esteem so in conclusion, no matter how miserable you are, his new girl is even more miserable.”

You knew Jane didn’t mean it in a harmful way, but it sounded harsher than needed. “I don’t hate her, she probably doesn’t even know about me. I’m just really insecure. He upgraded from me. He’s dating a whole model now.”

The situation just felt like a deja vu of these last few weeks laying in your bed, even though you were at the spa with your friend. You were supposed to have fun, yet you didn’t feel like having any.

“Why would you feel insecure when all you’ve seen of her are Instagram posts and red carpet pictures? She’s supposed to look beautiful, it’s her job.”

To a certain extent, Jane was right, but that didn’t really help your situation, you still felt bad about yourself. You stayed silent.

“C’mon, this isn’t fun anymore. Let’s leave.”, Jane mumbled.

_______

it’s been two days since the incident at the spa and you felt a little bit better now.

Those days were spent reading the same three book series you’ve read your entire life, overthinking, hot Cheetos, Indian takeout, and Netflix. It really wasn’t as miserable as it sounded.

You were just taking a little rest before term break ends and you have to go back to the shithole college again.

Jane was using the time until college starts again, but in different ways than you were. She was planning on going to some frat party in an hour and forget about the world’ for a minute. Or till 4 in the morning, where she will most likely drunk call you and ask you for a ride back to the dorms, because the friends she went to the party with were shit-faced as well and were in no way capable of driving anywhere without the cops stopping them.

Going out partying on a Friday night was a Jane tradition. In the past, you’d sometimes go with her, but you mostly spent your time out with Jungkook doing something more fun than partying could ever be. Now you can’t do that anymore, but laying in bed is more ideal than a party for you at the moment.

“How do I look?”, Jane twirled around to show off her black cocktail dress. She looked beautiful.

“You look beautiful.”, you responded to her question. “Are you leaving now?”

“Hm”, she said, to which you nodded. “You sure you don’t wanna come with me? It’s gonna be really fun.”

You shook your head no.

“Alright”, she shrugged, making her way out of your bedroom. “But I told you, it’s gonna be fun.”

You chuckled, rolling your eyes. “I’ll stay here, I have shit to do.”

“Yeah, right, like binge-watching the vampire diaries and taking 5-hour naps”, she said in a sarcastic tone. “Anyway, bye-bye, Vic’s already waiting for me in the car.”

Victoria was perhaps one of the most obnoxious people you know, yet she was too much of a nice person for you to talk shit about her. The voice of your intrusive thoughts couldn’t help but to, though.

“Alright, bye, take care and say hi to Vic from me.”

After Jane left, an hour went by like it was just a couple of minutes. You were starting to get real bored and decided to watch some regular tv in hopes to find something you enjoy. You ended up not finding anything fun, but you still watched it, because you didn’t have anything else to do.

A few moments later, the doorbell rang and you were suddenly worried. Either this is a serial killer or Jane forgot something.

But to your surprise, it was neither, but it was none other than

“Jungkook?”, truly, those were the only words you were able to mutter out at your shocked state. “What are you do-“

At the speed of light, you were interrupted by your ex-boyfriend pressing his lips to yours. He didn’t say a word.

You weren’t expecting him. Not knowing how you were supposed to feel at the moment, you just let it happen. You were sure your mental state couldn’t get any worse than that, no matter how this will affect you in the end.

“Is Jane home?”, for the first time in 3 months, you’re hearing his silky voice again.

Jungkook knew Jane always had some type of special hatred for him with her killing stares and her bitter comments. You didn’t notice either though.

He also knew she must hate him even more after your breakup. Or maybe she liked him more now since she was able to get rid of him without killing anyone.

“No”, your answer was short and it made a weight fall from Jungkook’s shoulders before he continued kissing you.

It wasn’t anything you haven’t done before, yet it felt like it’s been ages since it last happened. Your mind drifted to the thought of Jungkook and his model girlfriend. You were asking yourself what their sex life was like, if she was tighter than you or if she had stretch marks and scars.

Jungkook’s lips were moving south, giving your neck wet kisses, while you were wondering why he broke up with his model girlfriend. Or if he even did. You felt selfish for not caring.

Removing your clothes one by one, you were left in your underwear, while Jungkook only had his boxers on.

This body was yours. You knew it inside out. Where he liked to get touched and where he preferred not to. You knew him better than anyone else. You were sure.

You already moved to your bedroom, since Jungkook effortlessly carried you there. You were sat on his lap, facing him and your hands were in his messy hair. His hands were around your waist, he was slightly smiling into the kiss, as you started grinding on him. He loved how easy it was for him to turn you on. You were still his.

Cutting off the kiss, he looked you in the eyes, while his hand was on your cheek. “Say aah.”, he said.

You widened your mouth obediently, which was followed by him collecting as much saliva as he could in his mouth and spitting it into your mouth.

“Swallow.”, demanding, he spit on your face, his eyes become darker with every passing moment. You did as he said.

You looked at him with big eyes. He knew you loved it. You’ve always had a thing for him degrading and humiliating you during sex.

He started grinding on you almost desperately. You knew exactly what he wanted.

Getting out of his grip, you dropped to your knees and freed his hard dick from his drawers. You reached for it and started pumping it, and licking it. Your spit was leaking down his dick as you used it for lubrication. Then you started sucking on it, just the way you used to.

Jungkook’s groans and satisfied sighs were enough to make you even wetter than before. You enjoyed giving more than receiving.

Your mouth was wet and warm around him, giving him a feeling of familiarity. You lick over the tip a few times, then proceed to fully take him into your mouth.

The bulge in your throat could be seen and the way your eyes were tearing up a little wasn’t bothering you at all. You loved giving.

Jungkook started thrusting in and out of your warm, welcoming mouth, his tip hitting the back of your throat multiple times.

“Fuck”, a throaty moan left Jungkook’s mouth, giving you hints that he was about to cum. And he did, releasing in your mouth before you swallowed it. “Shit, baby, that was so good.”

You felt your face heat up and a sheepish smile made its way to your face. Your throat was sore.

The two of you were on the bed again. To you, it felt like it was the times before your breakup again, when you’d purposely start an argument just for the makeup sex because Jungkook wasn’t giving you any anymore. It was like sex was the only thing to look forward to.

You felt attached to Jungkook to a point where it was dangerous. You weren’t okay when he wasn’t around. He affected every part of your life and God knew it wasn’t always a positive thing. Maybe it was the fact that he took your virginity. Maybe because he was your first boyfriend, the first guy that made you believe you were worthy of love and that someone was actually capable of loving you. One thing you knew was Jungkook had an expansive influence on your life.

While you were practically drowning in your own thoughts, Jungkook was busy taking off your underwear.

“You okay?”, Jungkook calmly asked you, looking at your riddled face.

“Huh? Yeah, I’m okay.”, you sounded distracted, Jungkook wasn’t sure about asking you what it is though. He didn’t feel like getting personal.

So he shrugged it off and started kissing you again, his dick was unsurprisingly hard again as he played with your tits. He drew lines over the stretch marks of your thighs and kissed them.

“Can I fuck your ass?”, Jungkook’s raspy, tired-sounding voice casually asked, to which you quickly nodded, knowing that Jungkook’s favorite position had always been anal. He was massaging and gripping your ass firmly.

“This is gonna hurt at first, but I promise it gets better.”, He warned calmly into your ear, while putting some lube on his dick and just went right into your ass, slowly thrusting so you don’t feel as much pain.

He was right, it did hurt a lot when he first put it in, but the pain just changed into pleasure in a matter of time and his slow-paced thrusts helped with the adjustment.

“Fuck, I missed this ass”, he practically growled into your ear, as he kept on thrusting in and out, steadily gripping your wide hips with his big, veiny hands. “It just doesn’t feel right when I’m inside her ass.”

You knew your confidence shouldn’t rely on Jungkook bringing his girlfriend down, but you couldn’t help but feel good about your body when he said that. It’s been a while since you felt even a tiny spark of confidence. You weren’t so fond of him mentioning her while he was inside of you.

Your soft moans rang through the whole room like sirens, while he watched your ass jiggle against his pelvis, thrusting in and out faster every second. He missed this.

You had always thought you were indecisive, but you knew exactly what you wanted. You just couldn’t have that, so you’d eventually have to settle for less.

Jungkook wasn’t to blame for it, you just couldn’t concede your shortcomings. The movie’s villain wasn’t always the real villain.

Your hands traveled to your pussy to make sure you’d orgasm as well, when you heard Jungkook’s breathing getting heavier and his thrusts getting gentler than before, indicating that he was gonna cum soon. You were certain he could make you cum with just anal, but you wanted to cum with him.

With furrowed eyebrows and drops of sweat dripping down his body, Jungkook looked down at your arched back. The whole scene was sticky, especially when Jungkook presses his upper body to your back, whispering sweet nothings into your ear and kissing the spot.

It was kinda odd, having sex with your ex-boyfriend you were crying over just a day ago. There was a certain intensity to it though. Like your long-lasting nostalgia was finally fulfilled.

You’ve realized you couldn’t imagine yourself being intimate with anybody else. Jungkook already knew your body, how it looked without the material protecting it, the strawberry skin, the slightly sagging breasts you swore you’d surgically remove once you had the chance to but didn’t. He knew where you liked being touched, he was the first one to even touch you in those places.

You were unsure what you’d do with yourself when he leaves.

Jungkook’s thrusts slowly started stopping and you too felt the familiar sensation in your stomach.

Suddenly, you two were nothing but desire, fear, and pleasure. And faster than you could process, you came together.

For minutes after your orgasm, you were just laying on the bed, thoughtless. Maybe a little regretful. Not you, but him.

You weren’t facing each other, but you could hear each other’s breathing. Your stomach was filled with something you’d describe as post-sex melancholia.

All of a sudden, Jungkook stood up from the bed, startling your resting self a little, but you decided to keep quiet, wanting to see what he was going to do.

He made his way to the door to leave what he thought was your sleeping body laying there. You couldn’t keep quiet anymore.

“Where are you going?”, your soft voice suddenly rang in his ears. “Don’t you wanna stay?”

He didn’t know how exactly to tell you. You’ve always been a gullible little girl, you were the type of girl to think fucking equals love. Little did you know that wasn’t the case at all.

“Yn.... you know I can’t”, Jungkook responded, you knew it wasn’t gonna be good when he said your name like that. “I got a girl at home and I don’t wanna mess shit up with her.”

There it was. Your suspicion was corroborated. He was still going out with the model and you were a certified home wrecker. Great.

You physically felt your heart breaking. “Bu- but why are you here then?”

You were incapable of being mad at him at the moment. It was your fault for letting him in, again. After breaking your trust and your heart.

“This was a mistake”, he declared, not looking into your eyes. “I’m sorry, yn...”

He’s moved past your room now, already at the exit of your dormitory. He was about to leave.

“You already ruined shit with her when you came here and fucked me.”, your voice was small, but your words were heard.

Without looking back, he left.

And you went back to your room, standing in the middle of it for a minute in silence before your brain fully processed what had happened and your tears started pouring.

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amaya-chwan · 3 years

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Takeaways from Therapy Game Restart 14 + Illustration Book Release Date

Hello again everyone! ❤️💛💜

It's finally here... chapter 14! In all its glory! 😍🥰✨

Before we get to our takeaways, just some news I missed in the last post!

🎉 SENSEI'S ILLUSTRATION BOOK WILL BE RELEASED AROUND THURSDAY, 23RD SEPTEMBER! 🎉

Image taken from this Twitter post from Dear+!

It is titled "日ノ原巡イラスト集　DARLING" and boasts a collection of illustrations from Sensei's works so far: Secret XXX, Therapy Game, and Kamisama no Uroko.

The current price is ¥2970 with tax (¥2700 without tax). If you'd like to preorder it on your proxy shopping service, I've found it on the Comi Comi Studios website here! The bonus for purchasing it on this website is a B5 clear file~ I haven't seen it on Animate just yet, so fingers crossed it'll appear on their website soon with another (different) bonus! ❤️💛

Alright, with this amazing news done, let's move onto our takeaways, the long awaited takeaways! Thank you for being so patient with me! 💜

My short life update: currently in week 8 of lockdown and I haven't left my house in a long time other than for exercise or groceries. But I do have my vaccination appointment booked so YAY! 🎉

Here are our takeaways for this chapter:

Oh man, we pick right up from the last page of chapter 13. MINATO, BB, YOU LOOK SO PAINED! 😭

Sensei is the BIGGEST tease... that's all we got of that Minato and Shizuma scene...👀😭

The female staff at the veterinary hospital have really mellowed out! They're not bad, after all. ☺️

Oh dear, Nakajou-sensei, please get better ASAP!

Whoa... did Onodera just...?? I'm starting to think back to that Onodera discussion we had a couple of months ago... 🤔

Poor Shizuma, always roped into Onodera's workplace stuff! IT'S BECAUSE YOU HAVE GREAT PEOPLE SKILLS, SHIZUMA! PROUD OF YOU! 😍🙌

Man, Onodera has a really... blunt way of saying things to her human clients. Wow, brave. 😲

But I will say, Onodera really is good with animals. 🙌

Yet again, I think about that Onodera discussion we had... 🤔🤔

And that’s it for this chapter’s takeaways! For a more detailed breakdown/summary of this chapter, please continue after the cut! There may or may not be a surprise scene (or two) there. Please keep reading if you want to see~ 😉✨

Our chapter begins where we left off in chapter 13--Minato pinning Shizuma down on the bed. Shizuma looks up at Minato and reflects on his actions that caused the pained look he is seeing.

Image taken from this Dear+ Twitter post!

On the next page (title page), the dialogue reads: Shizuma wants to understand what it is about his director (Onodera) that is making Minato uneasy. // However, that beautiful liar hides it well...

(I believe we are taken back to the morning before Shizuma and Minato meet up for their date.)

The title page features Onodera walking back to the clinic, bread in hand, with a cat cozying up on her leg. We are then brought to the clinic's lunchroom, with the female staff and Shizuma on break. The roster in the room shows that Onodera is extremely busy, Nakajou-sensei has afternoon house call appointments, Tatsumi is Nakajou-sensei's support for these appointments, and Shizuma has a half day and finishes in the afternoon in lieu of working on his scheduled day off.

Shizuma asks his coworkers what presents they like from their partners and takes note of their answers. One of the female nurses asks if it's Minato's birthday. Shizuma confesses that their relationship has been affected by the various things happening lately, so he wants to get Minato a gift before seeing him later that day.

The nurses quickly pick up that the gift is a "tribute" of sorts as this line of work means a lot of missed appointments and dates, and Shizuma confirms their suspicions. While the nurses realise male-male relationships and male-female relationships aren't that different in this aspect, everyone in the lunchroom is alerted to someone shouting Nakajou-sensei's name.

Shizuma and a nurse see Tatsumi with Nakajou-sensei, who has collapsed on the floor. While the staff are concerned about Nakajou's well-being, she brushes it off as a dizzy spell. Before they can help her up, Onodera sweeps her off her feet and carries Nakajou to her (Onodera's) office. While Nakajou asks Onodera to put her down out of sheer embarrassment, Shizuma and Tatsumi are in shock, with Tatsumi commenting on Onodera's manliness in that moment. One of the other nurses gently smacks Shizuma's shoulder and tells the two to grab a blanket and a drink for Nakajou.

In her office, Onodera asks Nakajou why she's been overworking herself to the point of collapsing. The nurse (who gave the gentle smack) very obviously hints to Onodera that it is her fault. As Nakajou calms the nurse by saying that's just how the director is, Tatsumi asks Nakajou about their afternoon appointments. She says she'll be fine to go after a little rest, but the nurse says she mustn't overexert herself.

After a few back and forths about who should go and the clients' needs/personality (picky about the vet, had a pet that doesn't like men, etc), Onodera says she will go. The nurses are shocked and reminisce about all the issues they've had when Onodera interacts with the owners. Tatsumi and Shizuma stand there, and can very clearly imagine those situations happening.

While Onodera rearranges and informs the nurses of the shift changes to accommodate Nakajou-sensei, Shizuma has a terrible premonition that unfortunately comes true: he is appointed as Onodera's support for the afternoon house calls.

Wearing a sulky expression, Shizuma packs the necessary equipment in Onodera's car and reminds her that he has a very important engagement that night that he cannot miss, and as such will leave immediately after the house call appointments are done. Onodera bursts his bubble, and tells him to give up on those plans while he can since this is the line of work he's chosen.

As Shizuma reads the client files, he questions Onodera on why he is her support when he's never attended to these clients before. While Onodera tells him that good coordination is important with a physician's support and that he's the only one she can rely on to give her an honest opinion and calm the clients, Shizuma realises that he's basically the mediator between her and the owners. She confirms that this is his strong point, has great expectations for him, and proceeds to drive. Shizuma then reads the patient files at lightning speed, realising there's a threatening 'something' that Minato has sensed, but that's just how the director is. He then vows to make it to their meeting tonight, no matter what.

The first three house calls, as expected, involve Onodera insulting and angering the owners--Onodera tells the first client that his insistence on seeing Nakajou rather than a 'young' director is having a negative effect on his pet who needs immediate medical care; Onodera offends the second client, inferring from their conversation that her pet's appearance is more important than the need to shave their fur and get an ultrasound done; Onodera accuses the third client of being irresponsible in caring for his exotic animals and asks for more effort on his part. In all three scenarios, Shizuma awkwardly smiles while trying to ease the tension.

The scene skips to Onodera and Shizuma arriving at their fourth and final house call for the day. Just as Onodera explains to Shizuma that she must check a whole host of things at house calls (and indirectly be too blunt about it with the owners), Shizuma asks her to consider the owner's feelings and change when and how she says things. She glares ahead in silence, and Shizuma is just glad that she is now aware of it. He again reminds her to talk with the owner nicely and gently as he probably won't be able to help with the next client as their pet dislikes men. Onodera tells him to just sit in the corner and witness the client become furious while he doesn't help, making him feel slightly guilty for saying that. He is now adament on not helping her.

They reach the owner's home and we meet an elderly woman named Shiratori and her 9-year-old male cat, Tono. Shiratori apologises to Shizuma as her cat doesn't like men. Tono hisses at them as Onodera opens his cage, but is then coaxed into submission by Onodera who covers his vision with a towel and takes him into her lap to calm down. Shiratori and Shizuma are surprised at his sudden docile nature, with Shizuma witnessing how well she deals with animals.

As Shizuma looks on at Onodera while she completes a check on Tono, he sees she is crumbling at the friendliness and talkative nature of Shiratori, who sings nothing but praise for Onodera and how her family must be proud to have such an amazing daughter. Aiming to ease her troubles and remembering the earlier guilt-trip she gave him, he redirects Shiratori's attention to her broken fly screen and offers to fix that plus everything else that needs repair in her home.

Onodera watches as the two leave the room for a bit before apologising to Tono for ignoring him. Tono looks on at Onodera happily while she asks him how he can live with such a lively human and to tell her his secret to this. She brings him into her arms once more to check his limbs, and as Tono looks up smiling at Onodera, Onodera sees her reflection in Tono's eyes, and both seem to realise something.

BG Text: Stare...

Suddenly, Shizuma and Shiratori, who are busy fixing the window, hear a loud crash and rush into the room to find Tono atop the cabinet and Onodera on the floor, with her hair in disarray. In the next panel, Tono is shown to be hiding in the bookshelf, looking on irritatingly at the humans. Shiratori apologises to Onodera, who shakes it off and says it's nothing to worry about and no harm's been done.

Shiratori asks if Onodera will fix/tie her hair up again, but when Onodera says her hair tie was broken when Tono used her as a launchpad to get on the cabinet, Shiratori runs to get her a new one. As Shiratori gushes over the 3 piece dopey looking character hair tie set she received as a present from her grandchild (and lets Onodera pick one), a greatly displeased look is plastered on Onodera's face. Shizuma, in shock, notices her displeasure and hopes she just thanks Shiratori for it. And Onodera does, bringing a great big smile to Shiratori's face.

As Onodera and Shizuma leave, Shiratori says she's glad to have talked with Onodera and invites her to come over again. As she says this, we see Onodera looking back with a blank look in her eyes.

And that’s it for this chapter! THANK YOU FOR READING THIS FAR! 💜 While I was surprised at the lack of Minato in this chapter (Sensei legit is such a tease, LOL 🤣), I'm happy we can learn more about Onodera. Ngl, I'm starting to really question if Onodera is male or female now, given what transpired in this chapter. I guess we shall see in the next one!

I also changed the formatting a bit and removed the bullet points. Please let me know which format is better/easier to read! Ahah!

EDIT: Spelling and grammar checks are done! Didn't change a lot, but hope it reads better! 💜

📢 As always, please support Hinohara-sensei by purchasing her books and CDs! 📢

And please also refrain from resharing these translations and images outside of this post! Thank you for understanding! ❤️💛

There won't be a chapter in next month's (September release) Dear+, so I shall see you in two months for the next chapter (Dear+ November Issue, to be released in October).

As always, stay safe during these turbulent times and look out for each other and for your loved ones! 💜❤️💛

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crimsonandcloverwrites · 3 years

Text

bhah ch3 reread u know the drill

what is Jamie doing with all this oil I am concerned

god the tension of knowing Jamie is there but not talking to her but Dani probably secretly hoping she will

aww is she picking up more wonder woman comics for mikey?? cute

gah I love that they slip back into playful banter so easily despite everything going on

also 10/10 that the gays in town would be trying on the tackiest sunglasses in the service station (and 12/10 that Jamie actually brought them)

Dani Carson car adventures!! i would read a whole 20k word chapter just on that

sdfkjdshjfhd Dani throwing herself to the ground when she sees Jamie in the supermarket I’m losing it

“Yeah and then she left” ouch

THREE GAYS IN A SUPERMARKET WHAT WILL HAPPEN

aww Jamie Carson reunion tooooo cute

oh my god the tension of them standing back to back trying not to touch lmao

Jamie rly is the teeniest in town huh

Dani getting all protective and mad over Mikey having to sit outside school is v sweet

Jamie to the rescue how cute

Jamie’s collarbone: hello. Dani’s gay panic: LOOK AWAY

also sdkjfhdkjhg Jamie working w her hands is so hot we need more fics just talking about her getting dirty. for the good of the nation

there is so much going on here the cute teasing Dani feeling all weird abt their whole dynamic jamie giving her looks the engagement ring I am not equipped to process all of it

“you think there are secrets in this town?” just ur burning love for each other ladies!

once again mechanic!jamie... i am compromised

aww Dani bby literally does not know what to do with herself. the juxtaposition of the depth of their relationship and the little moments of familiarity with the awkwardness of people who don’t really know each other properly anymore is so fucking well done here

Eddie’s “honey I’m home” moment carrying her over the threshold afkjhsdkjf good for him

Dani and this house got beef huh

Dani: sometimes things with Eddie just don’t feel right but I’m sure that’s fine. Dani when she loses a tiny piece of her relationship w Jamie: level 5 meltdown. Literally the theme of this fic is “honey you got a big storm comin” and I love it

this dig at pineapple on pizza........ offensive

“Instead, she reset her mask, pulled the rope to part the stage curtains, and tied the other end around her neck.” Jesus.

“the other part of Dani, the part that never knew how to stop missing Jamie” i will cryyyy

starting a gofundme for Dani’s car asap

Eddie putting the moves on I can’t look. but lmao when he finds a girl that’s actually into him and wants this kind of attention his whole world is gonne be rocked

can we get Dani some therapy pls this is not how u should feel abt the person ur gonna marry. or about yourself

*gasp* the wontons mixtape

hmmmm I’m Not in Love and A Case Of You really are a one-two punch huh

lol I just went to play them and I was apparently in the middle of listening to Stop Making This Hurt by The Bleachers which feels... apt

fuck. making a mixtape for someone truly is peak romance huh? music my beloved

hmmm i just realised that this timeline parallels the flashback chapters w a new Taylor in school in each how cool. and also Nan vs Jamie taking on responsibilities w these kids and stepping up for them in their own way pls my emotions

aahh the coffee date I kinda forgot how fast Dani made this relationship rekindle bless her

wait clara and horace does that mean abigail is in Dani’s class too??? she lives??

a reserved sign pls that’s so cute

OWEN! god I love the levity and banter w Jamie he brings to fics

there is just so much fondness between them it always shines through no matter what they’re talking about I love it

this backpacking chat... envisioning Dani n Jamie once Mikey is grown up going on a big tour of europe together n fufilling Dani’s dreams

the fact that Jamie was drawn back to this place... by what hmmmm ms taylor. by what

oof this really is a painful rehashing of the past huh.

“star hike” lmao

"I can fix it." "You can't." OUCH

ooft just rip the bandaid right off. “I missed you. Everyday.” god my heart

arguing in an alley behind the pharmacy that’s gay rights

"Because if it was going to end, then I wanted it over quickly!” jamie ‘everyone always leaves so I cut them off before they can hurt me‘ taylor everyone. I am not doing well

ok with the context of like... everything from the future chapters this scene hits even harder than the first time i read it jesus

still can’t get over Dani ‘trying not to recall the memories of the last time they were in this room together’ was Jamie absolutely falling to pieces in her arms *screams forever* i remember reading that line and imagning so many things it could have been and yet yall went for the ultimate stab to the heart bravo

god I’m just thinking about how much they’ve both changed in those 10 years and how much they’ve stayed the same and just. god the way they’re so drawn to each other still!!!! i can’t even comprehend

blue schrunchie cherished friend

i feel like there is a significance to the red door I cant place and all my brain will provide is “you, me, her” but polyamory adventures is probably not the direction this is going

Jamie like “want a tour of ur future home babe? lets go” (I do love how enchanted Dani is by all of it though)

gah I love Jamie and Mikey together soooo much

find u a person that eats all the foods u don’t like. pickle soulmates

heh “Miss Dani” poor Mikey is goin through it lolol

they are all so cute together i love this lil sunday afternoon family

“Dani kept her gaze fixed on Jamie for just a second longer, studying her profile” gay

there has been several mentions of Jamie’s unreadable/blank expressions this chapter and I can’t stop laughing at her losing her mind over how much she loves Dani and trying to keep it in check every time

THEY’RE FRIENDS AGAIN

AND THEY’RE HUGGING OH HAPPY DAYS

oooh the sandalwood cologne

idk why this Jamie Eddie handshake is making me laugh so much but I love them

Eddie pulling Dani in closer to himself when Jamie’s there..... he knows

staying awake until 2am to finish rereading gay fanfiction... clownery (but fun!) goodnight

#bhah #silly time

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dc41896 · 4 years

Text

Light

Pairing: Andy BarberxBlack Reader

⚠️: Small bit of angst, mention of divorce, slight sexual content(its very quick), fluff throughout!

This wasn’t exactly how you planned your night out going. What started out as you arriving at a quiet lounge looking to unwind from a stressful week turned into you joining a new handsome acquaintance back at his apartment stumbling through the door as you both fumbled with the others clothes.

“Sorry,” you’d each lightly chuckle after getting stuck on a button or trying to pull down stubborn jeans.

“This um isn’t really something I normally do,” you admit shyly as your back touches the mattress, heart pounding in your chest.

“Honestly I don’t either, so trust me I get it,” Andy smiles out of breath, bare chest hovering a mere inches above your body. “We can stop though if you want.”

“No, I want to! I mean like I want to continue not to stop if that wasn’t clear. Also sorry that came out really eager. I’m excited but not like this is my first ever time you know and now I’m rambling and killing the mood I’m sorry.”

Chuckling, his thumb traces over your red tinted lips making you smile. “Don’t apologize, your rambling is cute.” Your hand caressing the back of his neck slowly brings your soft yet hungry lips together as your bodies follow close behind becoming tangled in each other as well as the sheets below.

Now here you were, sore yet comfortable being woken up by your vibrating phone across the room. Squinting your eyes trying to adjust to the foreign space around you, the bed feels more spacious than before as you turn to find Andy gone and his side of the bed neatly made.

“Right, I should probably get going,” you thought as your feet touched the carpet below carrying you to each garment you were previously wearing before reaching your phone with missed calls and texts.

Carla: Hey boss man needs you to come in asap

Carla: And it’s looking like you might want to come in uniform...

Y/N: Ugh, alright give me a couple hours

“Morning,” a deep voice speaks slightly startling you. “I uh wasn’t sure if you might want coffee or tea so I made both.”

“Oh, thank you.” Small smile spread on your lips, you carefully take the coffee from his hand enjoying its freshly brewed smell and warmth. There’s a hint of awkwardness between the both of you as you slowly rock back and forth on the balls of your feet, while Andy peers down in his mug tapping his thumb against the rim.

Maybe that’s why you both never did this before. To avoid situations like this wondering how the other was feeling and what was the right next move.

“This um tastes really good.”

“Thanks, it was actually a gift from a friend. I’m getting low so I should probably ask where she got it from,” he chuckles to himself.

And so returned the awkward silence as you both stood sipping from your cups with cars speeding by outside.

“Cmon Y/N this doesn’t have to be difficult. You’re both adults who are highly capable of talking about their feelings,” you thought setting down your coffee on the dresser next to you. “Just spit it out and get it over with.”

“So-,” you both speak at the same time giving you two a much needed laugh.

“You go ahead.”

“No no you go. Mine can wait,” you smile waving your hand for him to continue.

“I was just gonna say that I’m...I’m leaving soon so um if you need a ride anywhere I can drive you so, you know, you don’t have to pay for one.”

Luckily you had a good poker face to hide your embarrassment and the sinking feeling in your gut from his words. Of course you’d be the one wanting for it to grow into more and break what’s possibly known as the cardinal rule of one night stands. Arms crossed over your chest, you busy yourself trying to find your shoes avoiding his eyes.

“Um yea! Thank you, I was actually gonna ask the same thing so it’s um funny you said that.”

“Oh, looks like we were on the same page then,” you both chuckle.

“Ehh I’m not so sure about that,” you thought as he bent down before handing you your other shoe. Lips slightly parted, it seemed as if he had more to say when you finally met his bright, blue eyes. You hated to admit it, but you honestly hoped he had more to say; specifically about your situation.

However, yet again you were disappointed watching him clear his throat nervously scratching the back of his neck as he picked up your nearly empty mug. “We can leave after I take care of these.”

“I can do that if you want?”

“No no I got it. Don’t worry,” he smiles walking towards his kitchen leaving you to gather the last of your things.

“Trust me, that’s the last thing on my mind,” you quietly speak to yourself before joining him in the center of the apartment.

———

Sneakers squeaking against the shiny hospital floors, you hurriedly make your way to your next patient’s room hoping they were much more pleasant than your last. Long story short, they weren’t a fan of having a new physical therapist.

You weren’t entirely mad though, you understood how frustrating it could be to get used to one person then have to change to someone entirely new. Heck you felt a bit overwhelmed yourself once you learned you’d been given a new schedule and entirely new set of people you’d have to care for.

Lightly knocking on the thick glass shielded by a curtain you quietly enter the bright room once hearing a soft “come in.”

“Hi, I’m Y/N and I’ll be Jacob’s physical therapist while he’s here,” you warmly greet extending your hand to the woman in front of you. Long dark hair framing her slender face, you could see the pain through the brave image she upheld.

“Hi I’m Laurie, Jacob’s mother. Me saying this is nothing against you, but I was expecting his usual therapist, Zoe.”

“It’s okay I understand. Zoe had to have a change of schedule due to personal reasons so I’m taking over for her patients.” Lightly nodding her head, the door sliding open steals both of your attention as the last person you’d expect to see entered the room.

Clearly he felt the same way stopping in his tracks once meeting your familiar brown eyes.

“Um hi...”

“Hi Mr. Barber I’m Y/N, Jacob’s new physical therapist,” you smile once again holding out your hand. Were you currently wishing you could run away, crawl in a hole, and scream to your hearts content? Yes, but at the end of the day you still had a job to do and you wouldn’t let an awkward interaction get in the way of that.

“Nice to meet you,” he smiles back similarly maintaining his professionalism while shaking your hand. “And you can call me Andy.”

“It’s nice to meet you too Andy.”

Feeling his lingering touch as your hands part instantly bring you back to last night making you flustered and what seemed like a wave of heat run across your body. Clearing your throat, you mentally collect yourself before standing next to the beeping machines monitoring Jacob’s vitals.

“So just like Zoe was doing, I’ll basically come to make sure his arms and legs get movement and try to limit any further muscle deterioration.”

“And will this only be once a day like before?,” Laurie asks from the other side of the bed smoothing Jacob’s hair down.

“That’s what he was scheduled for, but I can make a note for it to be increased to twice if you’d like? And before I leave for the day I can try to come back to work with him.”

“Thank you. If you’re too busy though you don’t have to-,”

“No it’s fine! If I can’t get to him, I’ll try to send someone to see him.”

Putting on your gloves, you begin gently extending and flexing his arm before eventually moving to his hand and fingers as you continue your conversation with Laurie. At times Andy would join in asking his own questions about his son’s recovery, but mostly just stood by the window gazing out at the rest of the city. He’d try to steal glances here and there taking note of little things like how the lone strand of hair that didn’t make it in your bun dangled ever so perfectly down your soft cheek.

Then there was your plump lips. How you’d innocently bite them when intently listening to Laurie go on about a new study she read about coma patients and treatments. How he could still feel them against his own from last night and how warm they were. How part of him wished you’d come back so he could feel them again.

Being so wrapped in his thoughts, he didn’t realize how his admiring caught your attention making you quickly glance in his direction before returning your attention to Laurie.

Once finished with his other leg, you removed your gloves making notes on the paper attached to your clipboard.

“How is he?,” Andy asks arms crossed over his chest.

“He’s good. No sign of muscle stiffness or rigidity. He actually still has a bit of strength intact, which will definitely be good for starting the more rigorous therapy if he wakes up.”

“Oh ok good,” he nods. “Thank you.”

“It’s part of my job, I feel like you don’t really need to thank me.”

“Nonsense. You’re taking time out to help our son which we greatly appreciate,” Laurie adds with a soft smile from the leather recliner next to the hospital bed.

“Well you’re welcome,” you smile collecting your things to leave. “I’ll try to come back after my last patient to work on him again. It was nice meeting you both.” Giving a small wave as you leave the room, Andy sits at the edge of the bed looking at his sleeping son.

“She was nice.”

“Hm? Oh yea, she was,” Andy quietly speaks grazing a thumb over the back of Jacob’s hand.

“Cute too.”

At this Andy just shakes his head lowly chuckling to himself before turning to look at his amused ex wife.

“So where’d you guys meet?”

“What makes you think I know her?”

“A bit of woman’s intuition. Also the fact that you looked like you saw a ghost when you walked in helped further prove that point,” she laughs.

“It was last night at the lounge downtown. We were both at the bar alone so we started talking.”

“Must’ve been some conversation. I haven’t seen that look in your eyes in a while.”

“Y-Yea, you could say that,” he shyly admits nervously rubbing the back of his neck.

“Did you ask her out?”

“Laurie...”

“If you don’t want to talk about it I understand and won’t pry, but Andy if you’re holding back because of me, the divorce, or Jacob don’t. We had our time and it was great, now don’t be afraid to create more great times with someone else. Plus I know Jake would want to see you happy.”

Looking down at his hands with a sigh, he knew Laurie was right. He really did want to get to know you more, but what if you didn’t feel the same? Especially now knowing a portion of the baggage he was carrying.

“I don’t know...I mean I want to but it’s not just me she’d be adding to her life you know.”

“I get it, but you won’t know how she feels about that until you ask her,” she replies carefully standing up from her seat. “I’m going to the cafeteria, want me to get anything for you?”

“No I’m fine. You want me to go instead? You really need to rest your leg.”

“My leg is fine Andy, plus I still need to walk on it to help it heal. Oh, you can do me one favor though,” she adds stopping in front of the door.

“What’s that?”

“If Y/N happens to come back while I’m gone, talk with her.”

Closing the door behind her, Andy was left with his racing thoughts on what he’d say the next time he saw you.

Or better yet all the possible ways you could say no. Wait, was this even allowed? Given, he wasn’t your direct patient, but still he didn’t want you to get in trouble or possibly lose your job. “This is probably a bad idea,” he spoke to himself with hands covering his face.

The sound of someone clearing their throat makes him quickly sit up to see your nervous smile as you close the door behind you. “I uh just finished with another patient down the hall when the nurse asked me to bring these extra washcloths while she finishes up. She should be here in the next few minutes to clean him up.”

“Oh, thank you.”

“No problem.” Placing the white cloths on the nearby table, you turn to leave with hand gripping the cold, metal handle before being stopped by Andy calling your name. He looked flustered as his hands rested on his hips and his eyes shifted from you to the floor below.

“...We need to talk.”

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nonbinaryresource · 5 years

Note

I am having a hard time with my cis het spouse. I'm AFAB but currently identify as non binary. First time I met my partner I told them I'm pansexual and till this day I am still that... but he can't see me the same way because he saw me as a cis woman and he has been saying he is straight but nothing in this marriage is really straight. I'm also pregnant and he has been projecting phobic things he is afraid i'll transition into someone who identifies as a man and or trans. I'm stressed out!

Wooooo. Okay. I don’t know that you even realize how hefty of an ask you sent in? Like… there’s so much going on here, and it’s no wonder you’re so stressed.

I’m going to get quite blunt further down in this ask, so please don’t read this until you’re fully mentally ready to hear what I have to say because it may not be what you particularly wanted to hear.

So, first things first, I just want to let you know that I’m thinking of you, I’m here for you, and I’m so sorry for the stress you’re under right now. Team You” to help you out right now - if not, work on building up a Team You as much as possible (see link for help in doing this).

Next, I think this is a lot bigger and a lot deeper than any advice column or anonymous tumblr can provide! I think you really need more support than a one-off ask or even a couple of asks. Please look around your area for some queer-friendly therapists (contact your local trans/queer org and ask for some help and if they have any recs) and get thee to a therapist ASAP. I know you have a lot going on with the pregnancy and everything else, so also know that online therapy sessions are often more accessible, cheaper, and come with more diverse options. So online therapy is also a fine option to pursue!

Please ask if your partner is open to going to couples counseling as well. (Not in place of singles therapy but in addition - and not with the same counselor acting in both regards! Again, ask a local trans/queer org if they have suggestions on queer friendly couples counselors.) Having a baby is a lot of pressure and stress and causes a lot of natural changes in a relationship. Many couples turn to couples counseling during pregnancy, and I think that it’s a really good idea for you two to do so as well. It sounds like you two need some help navigating this new stress (which is only going to increase when the baby actually arrives so start tackling it now!) and working on healthier communication.

It really sounds like your partner in particular needs to pursue some individual counseling for an appropriate avenue of processing their feelings, but you can’t control what someone else does. You can suggest he look into therapy and/or ask him to consider therapy, but at the end of the day, don’t get caught up in trying to force him to go to therapy. Get therapy yourself, hopefully get couples counseling, and work on building up your own personal boundaries and enforcing them with your partner (I’ll get into this more below).

Okay, my two cents on the situation…

You are worth standing up for.

There is a lot going on all at once, so I want to break them apart a bit and possibly making them more manageable.

Consider your own wants, needs, and desires

I’m sure you have considered these things and just found them not relevant to the ask, but if you haven’t, ask yourself:

“What, if any, transitional steps am I interested in?” You might only be interested in learning more about certain steps and not interested in pursuing them, at least not at this moment. That counts and is something to think about. Social transition is also something to think about - not just physical or medical.

“What support do I need in regards to my identity right now?” You’re not getting much support from your partner right now. Do you have friends/family you can lean on? Are you leaning on them? How about a larger queer community? Could you make a few PFLAG meetings? Do any other local trans/queer groups hold meetings or talks or events that you could participate in? Are there any queer groups on meetup.com for your local area? How much do you feel a part of any online communities?

“What are my boundaries about how much I can help my spouse process his feelings about my identity right now?” Boundaries are good!!! Boundaries are healthy!!! You do not have to engage in trying to convince your partner of your identity!!! You do not have to be the one who helps your partner work through his own bigotry regarding your identity!!! Decide what you can really, honestly, actually handle, and start laying down boundaries. Practice saying things like: “When you say [x] about my gender, it makes me feel invalidated and anxious. I need for you to change the subject and stop talking about this right now.” and “I am not the person who can help you process your fears about my potential transition. I need you to stop talking to me about this and find someone else to talk to.” Use them. You are not a bad partner or person for not being able to talk about this with your spouse. You might have soft boundaries for some things (”I hear your concern about this subject, but I’m not in the mental headspace to be able to have this conversation right now. I’ll let you know when I do feel up to talk about this.”) and hard boundaries for others (see previous suggestions). That’s also okay. Just make sure you are keeping your own mental health in mind and being honest with yourself - and your partner - about what you can handle.

Partner identifying as straight

Have you ever discussed this with your partner? It’s absolutely valid to talk to a partner about what their identity means to them - and what it means to you. We can’t force other people to label in certain ways, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have a discussion about what the identity means to each of us or to ask if they would consider identifying in a way that’s more inclusive of your identity.

It may be that a conversation can clear up how a partner sees their own identity and makes you feel better about how you’re included in their sexuality. Or it may be that a partner doesn’t realize exactly how much this is weighing on you. Or maybe it’s something a partner has been thinking about but was afraid to bring up.

No relationship can survive - and definitely can’t flourish - without open and honest respectful communication, which means that everybody feels they have a safe space to talk and everyone is actually heard when they do talk.

This is something that is significantly bothering you and sounds like it may have been bothering you for a while. Therefore, it’s something that absolutely deserves attention.

(This is something that would be good to talk about in the presence of a queer-friendly couples counselor rather than on your own, if at all possible, considering your partner’s current reactions to your gender.)

Partner’s cissexist comments

I basically covered this under boundaries in my first bullet point, but it bears repeating because this is super important.

A) You are not the right person for your partner to process these fears with.

B) You’re pregnant!!! Stress impacts your health as it is and being pregnant increases the risks you can face when under high stress. Not only are you not the right person for your partner to process these fears with, this is really not the right time for your partner to be trying to process these fears with you.

Regardless of whatever therapy you do or do not pursue, please instate boundaries around these comments ASAP. Tell your partner that he needs to stop dumping this on you. If he forgets or ignores your boundary: put in headphones, walk away, call a friend. Do not spend time getting sucked into any more discussions or arguments about his fears. Decide on a boundary and uphold it.

Is it reasonable to discuss your own desires regarding transition with your partner? Yes, of course, that’s absolutely something that should be able to happen. But don’t think you sharing that is the same as him pestering and bothering you and making inappropriate comments about his fears regarding what transitional steps you may or may not take. An actual conversation regarding this cannot happen until he’s able to sort through his own fears and actually hear anything you might have to say. So, for now, just shut it down. He needs to go elsewhere, preferably a good therapist, to process his fears regarding this and spend some time getting more educated on trans issues so he can approach this conversation in an educated and genuine manner, before any more conversations about this happen with you.

Seriously consider ALL of your options regarding this relationship

I get it.

You’re married to this person and pregnant.

I’m sure you’ve had a lot of good times with your partner.

I’m sure you love your partner very, very much.

I’m sure your partner loves you very, very much and that you otherwise feel supported by your partner.

I’m sure you’re thinking about the support your baby will need as well as the support you’ll need, both while pregnant and afterwords with a newborn.

Maybe you’re even thinking that the pregnancy is stressful and things will calm down when the baby comes (but babies also put lots of stress on relationships!).

But the way your partner is treating you right now is straight up not okay. This relationship right now? Has a ginormous, gaping, huge crack in it. You cannot be in a truly healthy and happy and supportive relationship with someone who is denying your identity and pressuring you to perform/act/be/look a certain way. And it’s absolutely not better for you or the baby to raise a child in an environment with a ‘partnership’ like this. Please don’t downplay how harmful and upsetting your partner’s behavior is because you’re married and pregnant and love them and have been otherwise treated well. It’s okay to admit how much your partner is upsetting you and pressuring you and stressing you out. In fact you need to be able to admit that if you’re going to get to be honest with your partner about how you feel and the state of your relationship and the potential future of this relationship.

Regardless of what you end up deciding to do, I need you to start considering all your options just to be sure you really know and understand what they all are and that they’re all actually open to you.

Yes, one option includes divorcing your partner (and figuring out how to coparent with him at the same time).

I know! That’s scary and not what you want to do. I’m not asking you to do it. I’m only asking you to consider it.

Consider this not because it’s 100% what you should do (I don’t know 100% what you should do - I don’t think life really works like that and I think the best thing to do is always the thing you actually, freely get to choose to do) but so that you know it’s an option, you’re prepared if it’s the option you have to take, and to help give perspective to other options you have.

Think of what you’d need logistically and financially to move forward with a separation (who would get wherever you’re presumably living together and who would have to move? do you have family or friends you could stay with? what financial support would you need to make separation viable? does this change whatever plans you had to stay home and/or return to work? could you rely on family to help with childcare? would you need to interview for a nanny? what daycare options are available to you? do you have a bank account in just your own name with some money in it - if not, could you set this up now?). You don’t have to contact a divorce lawyer. Just think about what leaving would actually entail and realize that it would be hard, incredibly hard, and heartbreaking, but it would also be doable. Break it into small chunks and handle what you can.

Another option, of course, is staying.

Consider what it would mean for you to stay and - more importantly - what you need in order to stay.

Do you need your partner to agree to therapy (individual and/or couples) in order to feel safe and comfortable staying? Do you not need your partner to agree to therapy (even if you’d like it) but just need him to agree to stop dumping his trans-related fears on you? Do you need your partner to go to some PFLAG meetings and educate himself more on trans/nonbinary/queer issues? If you have been considering any form of physical/medical transition, is that something you’re willing to withdraw as an option for yourself? What can you do to support your partner and what do you need him to do to support you (and what does he feel he needs from you in support and what does he feel he can give you in support)?

Basically, it comes down to: you are not obligated to accept this shitty treatment towards you, not for any reason. What do you need in order to stay - and what are you willing to do if those needs aren’t met?

That was a lot to take in. You’re under a lot of stress and pressure right now. Please make sure you’re taking care of yourself. Lean on your support system. Ask them for help!!! I’m sending you good vibes and wishing you nothing but the best. I hope it turns out well.

~Pluto

#mod pluto #nonbinary #long post #relationships #exorsexism #cissexism #transphobia #answered #ask #asked #anonymous #substitute pflag for whatever applicable org if you don't have a pflag

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