#So many exes it looks like I’ve actually ever been in a relationship lol

[genderfuckingaround]

Throwback to the time I thought I was a heathen for *checks list* ✨Liking Fictional Characters✨

How sinful of me.

[jacksgreysays]

couragetcd's comment on Further Down Road One: So sweet! I adore Sasuke fan boying over Shikako. If you ever feel like dropping back into this story, could we see Shikako dealing with Sasuke's fangirls? Please?

I’ve been thinking about this question since I saw it, and I do have an answer but it’s not really in fic form… and it maybe goes more into Konoha politics than any actual relationship dynamics, as per my usual, lol. Here we go!

To address the question, there isn’t much for Shikako to deal with in regards to Sasuke’s fangirls, largely because I highly doubt he has that many fangirls in this AU. This AU being, of course, the early betrothal as this Shikako’s (successful) attempt to thwart the eventual Uchiha Massacre by removing one of the main reasons for it--ie, the extreme isolation of the Uchiha clan—via essentially tying the Uchiha to the Akimichi-Nara-Yamanaka alliance which would be MUCH harder for Danzo to get rid of (mostly because there’s more of them, they’re far more blended into Konoha’s administration, and my own head-canon that the Akimichi have direct ties to the Fire Daimyo not just influence in Konoha)

All that being said, it’s pretty well known (definitely amongst the ANY and Uchiha clans, probably also amongst the other major Konoha clans, maybe even the “smaller clans” which I will get into later) that Shikako and Sasuke have been betrothed since they were about 7 years old. And obviously IRL people who are in relationships do still have fans, but there’s a difference between “fan of your music/movies/appearance/etc” vs “fan of you as a person, with the intention to eventually date” which I think the latter is what Sasuke’s fangirls are in canon (considering he, you know, isn’t a content creator). Anyways, known betrothal takes care of a majority of that.

Additionally, because Sasuke is no longer the angsty, mysterious Last Uchiha, I don’t think as many girls would be attracted to him—that’s not even including how overtly devoted to Shikako he is in this AU so early on. Like, don’t get me wrong, Sasuke still looks the same (which, presumably to preteen girls, is devastatingly handsome) but he’s also no longer the only one that looks like that. Obviously there’s Itachi who may or may not be more handsome (hard to tell with the art style) but the ENTIRE Uchiha clan is still alive. And if most of them are Konoha Military Police, I imagine even the civilian-born students are seeing, you know, members of KMP getting puked on by drunken disorderly shinobi and still having to wrangle them into the shinobi equivalent of a drunk tank. Or they’re the ones who are running after Naruto when he pulls his messier pranks and getting paint and glitter bombed by him—it just kinda loses the appeal after all that.

This next point may seem a little cyclical, but part of what makes someone attractive is that other people find them attractive also. So if the first two reasons above have reduced the number of fangirls Sasuke would have in this AU, then that lack of numbers would further reduce the number of fangirls. In canon, Sasuke was highly sought after by the queen bee Ino, her ex-best friend turned rival Sakura, and, presumably, basically everyone else except Hinata. So not only was canon!Sasuke SO desirable that the trend-setter, leader of the kunoichi pack Ino wanted him, her former best friend (who only stopped getting bullied because of Ino) Sakura decided he was worth losing her only friendship over.

However, in this AU, there’s no way Ino would do anything to 1) jeopardize her clan or 2) upset her BFF Shikako. And, while I think Sakura would still consider Sasuke cute, I think she is probably a bigger fan of romance in general (since a lot of her fangirling over Sasuke in canon was an entirely imagined version of him) and so she would be a fan of the betrothal if anything else. And also, funnily enough, because Shikako isn’t infatuated with Sasuke that makes him even less appealing to anyone else. Like, lol, even his future wife doesn’t have a crush on him, that’s pretty funny. I mean, ideally, she comes to love him eventually (and again, whether that is romantic or platonic is ?????) but there’s no heart-eyes, nervous blushing from Shikako whatsoever, lol.

If you take out the top three kunoichi of their class (top four, including Hinata, who even in canon was NOT INTO Sasuke) then who do you have left who could even be fangirls of Sasuke? It’s entirely possible that there are multiple classes per year (especially considering in this kinder AU, the living KMP are absolutely wrecking Danzo’s ROOT recruitment so there’s just more students) so probably those who aren’t in the same class don’t get the front row seat to Sasuke being devoted fiancé and thus are more likely to be his fangirls. But they also probably have their own “hotties” to fangirl over. Or if they’re already going to fangirl over someone not in their class, why not someone not in their year? Neji’s a year above, still as devastatingly tragic and beautiful as ever. What’s Sai doing? DoS fandom has decided he’s an Uchiha as well and, probably, one that isn’t as OVERTLY DEVOTED TO HIS FUTURE WIFE as Sasuke is.

Backtracking a bit (and this is where I fully went off the rails and weirdly political) the next kunoichi in their class, influence and capability-wise, is probably Ami, the girl who, in the flashback, was bullying Sakura which led to Ino befriending her in the first place. I personally head-canon Ami as a Mitarashi (based entirely on very minimal details of similar coloring, personality, and affinity for tea shops as Anko) and I further head-canon the Mitarashi family as either a “smaller clan” or a family that is trying to be recognized as a “smaller clan.” And depending on 1) how politically savvy Ami is and 2) how crucial/desperate the Mitarashi family are to become an established “smaller clan,” I think Ami would not publicly fangirl over Sasuke even if she were, for some reason, still attracted to this boy, given four of the major clans are invested in this betrothal and she wouldn’t want to risk any political blowback on her family/clan.

Now, what do I mean by that?

THE REST OF THIS HAS NO BEARING WHATSOEVER ON SASUKE OR SHIKAKO SO FEEL FREE TO STOP READING IF MY BULLSHIT POLITICAL NONSENSE IS NOT YOUR CUP OF TEA

Konoha’s social structure is extremely clan based. Or, technically, it is power based but clans have consolidated power versus and individual’s power. Take, for example, the Nara clan versus Kakashi. Except for maybe Shikako, there is no individual Nara who is more powerful than Kakashi. However, if, for some reason, an extremely OOC Kakashi were to kill a member of the Nara clan, there would be hell to pay. Like, maybe this extremely OOC murderous Kakashi would be able to kill every single Nara but all at once? Probably not. With the Akimichi and Yamanaka backing them? Even less likely. With the other clans of Konoha concerned that this extremely OOC murderous Kakashi might very well go after them if they don’t stop him now? Game over. Weird premise, but sort of necessary to set up the next bit.

The above is an established major clan vs extremely powerful (basically Hokage or Hokage candidate) individual, with the established clan winning. However, we’ve already seen in canon what happens when a not established clan—or, what I consider a “smaller clan”—goes up against said extremely powerful individual. In fact, this is canon, and is the same extremely powerful individual.

Because, as far as the Nohara family/clan is concerned, murderous Kakashi is not OOC at all. As far as they know, Kakashi totally got away with killing Rin and faced no consequences whatsoever. The Nohara family/clan—it’s sort of up in the air of how established/recognized they are by the Konoha government, depending on what I feel is needed in any given fic—are, in fanon/my head-canon, made of medics. Not out of any particular blood limit/genetic basis (maybe they tend to have better chakra control, or a higher capability for memorization, but that’s not exactly ground breaking) but a sort of familial culture of study and generational knowledge passed down. A Nohara may have a slight advantage against a civilian born person, but nothing insurmountable. So even consolidated, the Nohara family/clan do not have as much collective power as Kakashi the individual does.

So then we get into the whole Mitarashi thing, which is why I completely tangented away from the Shikako and Sasuke betrothal thing and into this talk of murderous Kakashi to begin with. Because you can parallel the murderous Kakashi getting away with killing Rin with the exploitative/probably abusive Orochimaru getting away with EVERYTHING HE DID TO ANKO.

And, look, what would the Mitarashi even do? I imagine they were, at first, honored that Anko was even chosen to be Orochimaru’s apprentice. At the time, he was not only one of the Sandaime’s students, he was possibly the most likely of said students to succeed him what with Tsunade running away from her trauma and Jiraiya roaming around being an almost literal fuckboi.

Maybe they even rationalized the mistreatment in the beginning: I can’t imagine the Mitarashi had any jounin before Anko. If anything, her being apprenticed to Orochimaru is probably the closest they had to one of their members becoming jounin. And so what would they know of high level training? He said the seal on her would make her more powerful and who are they to refute the possible one day Hokage? It’s an honor, surely?

And while there is further to be said about abuse of authority and, well, other abuse between Orochimaru and Anko, I don’t want to go there in this post even though, again, I’ve already fully departed from the fluffy AU of Shikako and Sasuke’s literal life saving engagement.

Ultimately, getting back to the family vs “smaller clan” matter. I think that while the family/clan’s own power does contribute a lot to what they can/can’t do and what inherent protection they have, there is probably some legislation in Konoha about what rights clans have (with the murderous Kakashi and abusive Orochimaru being exceptions rather than the usual) especially considering during the founding of Konoha so much legislation HAD to be about protecting clan rights in order to get these historical enemies to coexist.

SO, that means there is incentive for large/cohesive enough families to be formally/legally recognized as a clan in order to have those rights—maybe it’s land or reduced taxes or something where the murderous Kakashi and abusive Orochimaru situations don’t completely violate those rights? Or maybe it’s that the clan CAN enact THEIR OWN retribution without repercussions from Konoha but because, again, the consolidated power of the Nohara and Mitarashi vs murderous Kakashi and abusive Orochimaru are negligible, that’s how those situations can happen without them outrightly being violated… which maybe explains the issues in the bleak Primadonna Girl fic? Oh snap, did I back myself into figuring it out in this completely unrelated post? Whoops.

Regardless. Because there is an incentive to become a formally/legally recognized clan, there have to be some prerequisites in order to qualify. Which, apparently, I’ve gotten into before in this care!Kako/reverse Gardens AU ficlet: “Establishing a clan requires three active-duty shinobi who share a bloodline and sponsorship from two other clan heads”

Although, now that I’m properly looking at it, that seems too easy. I mean, for that particular fic’s sake, I needed it to be that easy for, you know, feels. But in a practical “how would Konoha actually function” I think it needs to be a little more robust than that. I do think a minimum number of active-duty shinobi who a share a bloodline is necessary. It should probably be more than three, and/or there should be rank requirements. So it’s not just, for example, three genin siblings getting launched into clan status out of nowhere. I mean, the sponsorship—or, probably what I actually meant was endorsement—from two other clan heads would probably prevent that, but, again, we can’t leave these things to chance.

So if I were to come up with more robust requirements for formal/legal clan establishment, it would be:

X number of active-duty shinobi who share a bloodline

Y% of the X number must be at least chuunin rank

endorsement from at least Z other clan heads

I don’t know what numbers/values X, Y, or Z would reasonably be, but it would, again, justify why the Mitarashi family would turn a blind eye or, at least, not look TOO closely at Anko’s apprenticeship with Orochimaru if they were trying to meet those unknown numbers/values in order to qualify for established clan status. And, to weirdly circle back to the top of this tangent, would explain why Ami wouldn’t publicly fangirl over a betrothed Sasuke because that theoretically could risk the endorsement part of the requirements (even though none of the clans involved would be that petty? but when you’re not yet established, it feels like every potential misstep gets exaggerated into something dire)

Anyway, sorry for going so horrifically off the rails on this one. I did start ideating on what a “Shikako reacts to Sasuke’s fangirls” fic would look like, but to be honest it was mostly **shrug, go back to whatever she was doing before** while SASUKE is the one who is upset at them since they might make him look bad in front of his fiancee. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[meteor752]

Double life kids, eight years later

The final designs for the kids. Wont make anymore, unless I finally get on with making that Superhero au I said I would do a few months ago

Anyways

I’ve been working really hard on these designs, and some of them are probably the best I’ve ever made! So I really hope you like them!

Liana

(A few years down the road, the watcher genes started to become more prominent. The extra pairs of wings and the eye change are just the beginning too! Her color palette is kinda a mess but it’s just how she rolls. Top hat with goggles and a corset because Steampunk vibes are cool. Also her Flyguy bow, just in case)

Parrot pal has successfully started her own business, where she sells everything from deep slate to gold to clothing and mercenary jobs. The wider the spread, the better the bread

Lives very close to the shopping district, to keep an eye on her shops

The Watcher thing sure is…interesting. Grian hasn’t told her the full story, so she isn’t sure exactly what she is but she knows that it’s something unworldy

Is still learning to disguise it

Has a fierce rivalry with Mumbo over trying to become the riches hermit. Mumbo had no idea this rivalry is happening

She’s bestie with her little brother, Grumbot Prime

Wes

(Golden boy. His Hc and current design has a lot of similarities, mainly because when it comes to change he likes to take things slow. Got a haircut tho, plus many tattoos and a circlet to represent his status as the son of the sun god (Tho who knows how true that actually is). Also has a skull ring, in honor of Jekiv)

Baby boy is doing fine. Mostly

Is decked out in gold because again, he loves to mine, and gold is his favorite ore

Lost part of his ear and hearing in a creeper explosion, least favorite of his scars

Has improved his self confidence greatly over the years, which in turn improved his relationship with his dad

(Side note, I can imagine Xisuma whitelisting like a therapist or something just because these three, especially Wes, has some things to work through)

Is actually an extremely skilled farm creator, just like his other dad

Spends a lot of time trying to find a way to fix their code so they can leave and rejoin servers

Gertrude

(Total princess warrior vibes for her. Wanted her to be a mixture of Butch and femme, in the weirdest way possible. She’s now also wearing shoes! I wanted her to have heels alright? Her soles eventually got worn out so she’s wearing a pair of boots)

One of the best warriors on Empires SMP

Used to have separate outfits for being a monster hunter and being a noble, but eventually just combined the two to make her life easier

(Eddie made her armor, she’s very grateful)

The armor had to be made fireproof, because despite being older she still scuffles playfully with Johnny

She went through quite a large number of weapons before settling on the mace. It just, “fit her”

Also very few people can actually lift her mace, because it’s extremely heavy.

Sometimes helps out fWhip in Gobland with redstone, just because it’s fun. She enjoys the challenges that he presents to her

Wants to someday face ten withers and take down them all. Until then, she will train with all her might

Johnny

(My friend told me he looked evil lol. Ran out of cowboy outfits a long time ago, so here’s a more outlaw vibey one. The goggles and scarf are to protect his face from sand though, so likes there’s a reason lol. Butternut stands proud at the scene as well)

Despite his outer appearance, he’s still the nice lad you all know and love

He is more of a free roamer nowadays though, mostly traveling the mesa around Tumble Town, sometimes even beyond it

After Liana left for Empires, Johnny started helping Pix out with his excavations

When there’s word of a new discovery far away from any of the empires, you can bet your ass that Johnny is he first man on the case

And sure, he caaaaaaaaaaan use his elytra and get there in maybe half a day, but that beats the point of traveling!

An absolute expert at dealing with mobs at this point, especially creepers. Goes fucking crazy with that whip of his

Despite it all, he’s still a simple country bumpkin at heart, who likes his breakfast early and his music country

Jassy

(Queen is extremely anime. I just searched “anime ninja female” and tried to get general style of outfit correct. Her hair was almost impossible, but looking on it now it looks fantastic. Her daggers are also enchanted, that’s why they’re purple lol)

Jassy is a trophy wife and she takes her job very seriously

She does know her way around redstone, and she ain’t a bad builder (She’s the one who made her and Liana’s base), but her wife is out making bank while she takes care of their many, many cats

The mercenary part of Double Co. is her entirely though.

The story behind her damaged eye is a mystery to all, as every time someone asks about it she makes up some new fantastical tale

In reality she was flipping her daggers while laying down on the ground, then accidentally dropped one. It ain’t as cool as fighting an alligator, or taking down twenty wardens at once though

Jekiv

(Glow up of the fucking century my dude. He ain’t abandoning his love for pastels anytime soon, but that almost makes him more scary. Exchanged his old staff for a scythe just for the aesthetic. If you look closely at the hand holding the scythe, you can see a golden ring)

*Becomes a mass murderer* ~Character development~

He’s still not a full fledged necromancer yet, though he can summon entire corpses now. Actually getting them to do his bidding is another thing

The squirrel on his shoulders is named Chimp. She’s his familiar, and she’s thirsty for blood

Has spent nearly four years trying to solve the mystery of The Evermoore, but hasn’t come out with much result

Did find out he has no soul, or at least not a traditional one, so that’s neat!

Existential crisis aside, Jekiv is also trying to figure out a way for their code to be fixed.

Novo

(Pov: Ur about to want and rip your ears off. Hat decorated, coat fluffy, heels fucking iconic, my man has the drip. A weird drip, but the drip nonetheless. And after all these years, he still does the ruined makeup look. Some things never change)

Switched to playing the bagpipe, because those things are both loud and difficult to learn to play. Novo does not know how to play, but that doesn’t stop him one bit

Best big brother to Oli’s child, and with that I mean the absolute worst influence a child could ask for

Actually managed to reconcile with Scott, despite all odds. It’s not a perfect father-son relationship, but like none of them have that so it’s fine

Wears a lot of pink partly to match with Gert, and partly because it’s a loud and obnoxious color, so it garners attention

The wealthiest of all the kids, just by people paying him to leave him Tf alone

There’s some fic ideas I still have with the kids, plus maybe the fourth series will give me some new material, but these are probably the final designs I will make for them.

[linklethehistorian]

I'm curious about 4. and 16. for the choose violence ask!

Sure thing! Since you didn’t specify a fandom, let’s go through them all. ^-^

Under the cut for both length and spoilers for some of the fandoms. lol Proceed with caution as always.

4. what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?

Bungou Stray Dogs fandom: Well, I’ve blocked about seven different people in this fandom, actually; for the first five, it was because they were a group of five haters who, by their own self-admission, instead of blocking or avoiding me for the sake of their own mental health when they found my content uncomfortable, continued to keep me unblocked and even actively seek out my page just so they could get angry/upset and then send me harassment in asks and/or vague post about how much they hated me.

Personally, I didn’t care all that much about the vagueposting; as I’ve said in the past, I actually kind of find hate motivational and fueling for my creative fire from time to time, but it was clear that it was getting very unhealthy for them, and since they hadn’t the sense to do it themselves, I simply blocked them from my own end so that they couldn’t see me anymore.

For one of the other two, they just had the worst fucking takes in the world, and their content kept somehow getting recommended to me as being “based on my likes” despite that I had never liked anything similar (or even anything from them), and since I found it to be headache-inducingly bad — and not even in an entertaining way, either — I simply blocked them.

And for the last one, they actually used to be a friend of mine, but they unfortunately seemed to have fallen down into a toxic rabbit hole since our last interaction years ago, and eventually came back and started accusing a close friend (and me, purely by association) of terrible shit for absolutely no reason, so I blocked them. I really do wish them well and that they come back around to their senses someday and realize the error of throwing accusations around simply because you’re still bitter over a breakup, but seeing as that’s unlikely, I’ll spare myself the trouble and just keep them blocked.

Legend of Zelda fandom: I said in a previous post where I listed out answers to all of the questions for this fandom that I’ve never blocked anyone in the Zelda fandom for fandom-related reasons, and that’s true, but I did block someone in this fandom once, for other reasons.

It’s a little bit of a long story, but to put it simply, there was this guy who had been stalking my now ex-girlfriend (mtf, tho she hadn’t come out as trans yet at the time while we were in the relationship) and had created a sock puppet account on a large Zelda forum we were on in order to find out information about me.

The story actually runs a lot deeper than just being a cut-and-dried “oh, he was a creepy stalker who had bad intent” situation — there’s a lot of nuance involved that would take quite a while to dig into and explain — but as I don’t really feel like getting into the whole tale right now, I’ll just leave it at that even tho the guy came clean to me out of guilt shortly after creating the account, it was my ex’s firm insistence that I block him, and so I did as she asked with it. And that was that.

Helluva Boss/Hazbin Hotel fandom: I’ve never blocked anyone from this fandom, but God has it been tempting sometimes… Thankfully, I don’t follow any blogs that make me feel like that, but if someone’s annoying ass bad takes ever start continually appearing on my recommended like they did with BSD, believe you me I’mma start blocking faster than the speed of light.

Other fandoms: I’ve never blocked anyone in any other fandoms, actually, and I can’t say I really have any active reason to at the moment, as most of them seem chill enough to not be an active and rampant threat unless you go looking for them.

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

Bungou Stray Dogs fandom: … sighs …We’re really doing this, aren’t we? Okay. Listen, I want to start this out by saying that I am a huge advocate for AUs and personal canons and ships and whatever else out there in the fictional world that you can imagine — go ham, have fun with it.

That being said, I will never in my life understand the appeal a very specific portion of the fandom finds in the concept that Arthur Rimbaud/Randou is as equally cold, unhinged, and detached as Paul Verlaine — often to the point where people genuinely allow that AU headcanon to skew their view of canon and convince themselves that it is such, when nothing could be farther from the truth (and the truth is actually far more unique, deep, and interesting).

Although the block button has largely solved this issue for me these days, my eyes have unfortunately already seen far too many posts of people talking about how a large majority of the fandom “gets Arthur wrong” because they don’t make him and Paul into this unhinged, cold-hearted assassin duo, and frankly, it’s just bullshit.

You can enjoy and/or ignore whatever the fuck you want in a series for your own personal canon and AUs, but don’t delude yourself and lie to others about official canon in the process because you’re pissy that the uppermost levels of official canon don’t represent certain characters the way you’ve imagined them in your head.

For one thing, if everyone around you is supposedly the issue, and even the uppermost levels of official canon themselves in their original language are supposedly the issue….then I hate to say it, but the only person or thing in need of a reality check is probably you.

Arthur was never an assassin; these people out there who are acting like “oh, Arthur being a spy means he must be cold-blooded and must have committed as many murders as Paul has” are insane; despite what certain stories in media will tell you, being a spy does not necessarily have to ever involve murder, and even if it did, Paul could have easily been the one doing the murdering. Is Arthur 100% innocent? Are his hands 100% clean of blood? No! But canonically, the only 1,000% confirmed act of physical harm he has ever committed was the attempted murder of Dazai and Chuuya, and even then he showed significant hesitation, and only committed to doing that so as to both save Paul and to avoid potentially harming significantly more people should assassins have been sent after him. Is it probable he may have killed people during the faked Arahabaki incident? Yes. Is it probable he may have either directly or indirectly killed at least a small number people while either working as a spy or as a mafioso? Yes. But is it confirmed? No. There is nothing at all that directly, explicitly confirms he himself has ever killed anyone at his own hands. It is likely that he has, but unless it is ever directly stated that he did, it is still technically not canon and thus 100% up for interpretation based on what you would like to believe about him. Until we know otherwise, he could have killed as few or as many people as you so desire.

However, what is not up for interpretation when it comes to official canon is that if these murders did occur, they were absolutely not done in cold blood. True canon — the original JP light novel(s), and, second to that in the canon hierarchy, the original JP Stage Plays — have gone far out of their way to express that Arthur is the farthest thing from a cold, emotionless killer. Despite how some would like to believe, Paul is not his “one exception”; Arthur cares about the lives of literally everyone and feels deep, intense remorse and hesitance over the idea of harm coming to literally everyone. If you think this man is “cold-hearted”, you have not read the actual canon — you have either watched an adaptation that took some massive liberties and not looked past that, or you have made up a story in your head based on what you would have preferred, and you refuse to accept the validity of anything that disagrees with it.

…Anyhow, yes…while people can absolutely make him such in AUs and personal canon if that’s what they enjoy, it makes me extremely annoyed when people conflate that with canon, and I will never be able to truly understand the appeal of it in general. The idea of two characters who are just “absolutely unhinged, cold blooded assassins who care only about each other” is, in my opinion, far less interesting than, and even downright insulting to, the deep characters that both he and Paul are, and the great narrative foil that the emotional, shy, sensitive, openly caring, and much more mercy-minded and life-valuing Arthur makes to the admittedly unhinged and cold-blooded (but still very much deeper than fandom treats him) Paul.

People can like what they like, but man, it is definitely not for me, and I feel like if that’s the dynamic you’re really looking for, there must be better characters out there to do it with.

Legend of Zelda fandom: See [here].

Doctor Who fandom: I’m sure there is something, but I honestly can’t think of it at this moment in time. Most of what’s enjoyed even vaguely popularly in this massive fandom is…pretty alright by me, honestly? Or at least understandable.

Ace Attorney fandom: Honestly, I have more to say on what this fandom doesn’t like than what it does, so we’ll skip over this one for now. If I think of something later, I’ll amend it.

Helluva Boss/Hazbin Hotel fandom: The idea that Stolas is a bad father and an equally bad person to Stella. Also that everyone in Hell must be bad in some way.

Final Fantasy fandom: …Final Fantasy VIII. Don’t get me wrong — I don’t think it’s a bad game by any means, or even a bad Final Fantasy game; I just don’t think that comparatively to some of the actually (in my opinion) amazing games that get way more shit from than they deserve, it’s really that much to write home about.

I think that it had a ton of great ideas going for it, but that a lot of those ideas got lost along the way in the quest to explore other ones — which ultimately led to the vast majority of them just barely getting touched on at all. And, of course, there’s a big major plothole where the main character gets absolutely fatally impaled by the main antagonist and then it just…basically doesn’t even get addressed at all? Also, all of the main characters sharing the exact same backstory and then just having conveniently forgotten about it was…deeply underwhelming and felt a bit lazy, to be honest.

And…yeah… I liked some of the characters a ton, and I enjoyed some of the plot points, but I definitely can’t understand why it’s hailed as being so great compared to certain others that are just…objectively actually more solid and well-written.

Pikmin fandom: I wanted to try to be as absolutely thorough as possible in listing out any of the series that I love and have actively participated in the fandom of (whether that be going out of my way to interact with fan content for it or making my own, or both), but honestly, I haven’t been around the fandom of this one quite enough to know if there are any popular takes or favorites out there that I’d strongly disagree with, or of which I’d particularly question the appeal.

Xenoblade Chronicles fandom: I know this is probably going to piss off a lot of people out there, but honestly, both Xenoblade 2 and Xenoblade 3 — but for opposite reasons, and with the DLC games notwithstanding for both of them, as I have few complaints with either of those.

I understand why people love Xenoblade 2 as a story on the whole — even if I think the first five chapters are largely very weak with only a few highlights and far too much filler and have terrible pacing — because the last five chapters just make every bit of the initial drudgery worthwhile, but I what I cannot and will never understand are the people who think the gameplay is somehow anywhere even close to good — much less god tier. Genuinely, there are not a lot of games I would call worse and less user friendly gameplay-wise in the modern era than Xenoblade 2; as a matter of fact, there is so much wrong with it that I can’t even begin to unpack all of the problems here, except to try to just lump it all together and put it very simply by saying that a fully paid-for, full price game absolutely should not entirely rely upon you having good luck in an absurdly rigged, file-dependant rng pity-system-granting uncheatable gacha system in order to progress the main plot, and even still make you sit through hours waiting for the skills to unlock on those characters that you have to be lucky enough to get good RNG assigned to your file to even get a halfway decent chance to get through further, still absurdly rigged RNG.

Normally, I would say how good a game is or isn’t is just a matter of personal opinion and what one is looking for, but legitimately, if you see no problem with this game’s gameplay and view it as something that should be defended, then you either got the best possible RNG in the world and played the game at such an absurdly slow pace that you somehow never even encountered one instance where skill unlocking slowed you down from progressing the plot, or you are just the biggest simp in the world for this game and you’re lying because you just can’t stand the idea of not defending every single aspect of this game even if you know for a fact that part of it is awful and inexcusable.

And as Xenoblade 3, that game has the opposite problem; whereas Xenoblade 2 had an overall amazing story the farther you progress with terrible gameplay, Xenoblade 3 has overall amazing gameplay with a (for the franchise) absolutely weak story that just completely drops the ball at the end. Thankfully, just as Torna: The Golden Country largely improved on the gameplay of Xenoblade 2 with its release, Future Redeemed largely improves and even fixes and, dare I say redeems, the story of Xenoblade 3 (even if it does make it feel a bit redundant in some aspects)…but…that doesn’t excuse the game being weak initially to begin with compared to its predecessors, and I truly can’t understand what all the hype for it was before the DLC released, as at the time I only found it a massive disappointment in all of the worst ways considering its series’ strong reputation for cut-above storytelling and incredible foreshadowing.

Also…in regards to Xenoblade 1…I don’t understand the appeal of Shulk and Melia as a mutually required ship — I’m sorry; if you love it, that’s 100% valid and I hope you have fun with it, but like…I just see zero romantic chemistry between them on Shulk’s side; I honestly see more chemistry potential between Fiora and Melia and that isn’t even canon on any level. I really think Melia is just best narratively having a one-sided interest in Shulk; anything else has always just felt forced to me.

Pokémon fandom: This is one of those fandoms where I have more of a problem with the dislikes than the likes, but I guess as with most games, I don’t really see the appeal of a truly open world; Scarlet and Violet pulled it off alright, but it wasn’t entirely open, and even then it had the typical issues of limiting storytelling ability through lack of any linearity at many points. I know many people are going to say “oh, but Pokémon has very rarely had a super deep story; it’s pretty much only a select few of the middle and more recent gens that did this”, and that may be true, but…why should we have to go back from that?

People use this excuse with many older games that have had a long series — that because their first iterations “weren’t that deep”, it’s somehow the natural and most acceptable course of action to go back to those roots, even if they’ve come very far from that over the years, and to me it’s just absurd. It’s like saying that we should go back to using outhouses because that is the purest form of using a bathroom and it was the way bathrooms were always meant and intended to be used; as we get more advanced in technology, we are naturally going to progress and do more that once could only have been a dream to us before. All old games weren’t necessarily lacking story because they “didn’t want to do anything more”, but because they didn’t have those capabilities. 2D games weren’t all 2D because no one wanted them to ever be seen in 3D, but because 3D wasn’t possible yet.

I will never understand the desire to backtrack on progress made simply because “that’s how it was back in the day”.

…Also, as far as the anime, I get that the idea of Ash growing up would’ve been cool and all, but like…I seriously don’t understand why it’s that big of a deal to people. Ash staying in a form that’s iconic is hardly surprising or beyond understanding, and really I would’ve cared more to see Ash grow emotionally from all of his journeys than physically, but eh. To each their own.

Super Mario fandom: The OoC situation that happened with Princess Peach at the end of Super Mario Odyssey. Straight up, I will say that I’ve never played the game, but from what I have heard (and please do correct me if I’m wrong!!!), Peach straight up rejects both Bowser and Mario from marrying her at the end, and like…for some reason everyone thinks this is some cool girl power moment instead of realizing that this, while maybe a cool message had it been any other character with any other two pushy suitors, is…actually deeply out of character for her.

It wouldn’t be so incredibly OoC if it weren’t for the fact that in all previous Mario games, Peach has been explicitly in love with Mario and very, very happy to be with him and be very romantic with him every time he’s rescued her, and he’s always been a gentleman to her, too, so like…the whole thing just sounds really off to me and I’m not sure why not many people are bothered by this like I am.

Maybe I just don’t have the context everyone else does. I don’t know.

Persona fandom: …Persona 5; don’t get me wrong, I actually enjoyed the story of this one quite a bit and I think it had great foreshadowing, but like…at least comparatively to 3, I don’t know why it seems to be “the baby” of the fandom. As a story, 3 is just so much more compelling and emotionally high stakes, with a lot more actual deaths and consequences and, frankly, more interesting twists and characters on the whole, and that’s all I’m going to say on that…for now.

Persona 5 was…pretty alright; Persona 3 was stellar.

Makai Ouji fandom: Pretty much the same situation as Pikmin here; while I’ve technically been in this fandom for at least 7 or 8 years, I…don’t really have enough active interaction with the greater fandom to know if there are any popular opinions or ideas I’d disagree with.

There are some fandoms that I just…don’t really have the drive to engage with that much outside of the source material, and this is one of them. Sometimes you feel called to engage with and observe the larger fan base and its creations, and sometimes you just don’t; this is one of the latter times.

Person of Interest fandom: I’m just gonna say it — Shoot. I know it’s canon, but honestly, that pairing felt so fucking forced — and I don’t mean forced as in “oh, they need to stop shoving gay relationships down our throats” like you’d expect to hear from some bigot or something, I mean forced as in they weren’t compatible, there was no chemistry, and literally no strong lead-up to the relationship whatsoever. One day the Machine was just like “oh I predict a possible timeline where you two get together” and then suddenly that one hypothetical possible scenario was enough for them to actually get together after an eternity of hating each other and torturing each other and literally trying to kill each other.

I think the pairing sucks and it felt terribly shoehorned at the very end of the show, when there were a million better options out there for the both of them, and then within like two episodes they killed one of them off anyway.

If anyone reading this likes it, then good on you, but personally I will just never understand the appeal of it.

Code Vein fandom: Honestly, the same situation as Pikmin and Makai Ouji here. I love the game dearly and I definitely consider myself a member of the fandom, but also I’ve never truly interacted with the rest of the fandom enough longterm to pick up on any grievances I might normally have about it; what little I have seen of the fandom, they’re very nice and chill people who really enjoy character creation mode, and pretty much that’s all I know of them.

Five Nights at Freddy’s fandom: Damn, I guess this is how I come out about being this one after years of silence, huh…

Oh well… I’m sure there are actually many things I could be talking about here if I put my mind to it lol, but I’ll probably just go with the fact that wayyyy too many people are comfortable and content with just writing off Gregory as evil or cold-blooded, when Ruin made it pretty damn clear that the Mimic was the one who made Cassie take the plunge in the elevator, and not him.

This fandom has a lot of wildly incorrect theories, though.

…Also, I don’t really understand the appeal of wanting to fuck the animatronics, but meh, maybe they’re just not humanoid enough for me. *shrugs* I like my anthropomorphic animals to have a massive dash of humanoidness to them and these guys just…don’t. Also they’re inherently super spooky and I’m not usually about that life.

Tokyo Mirage Sessions #FE fandom: Dude, we’re seriously a fandom of like literally 5 people across the entire internet; we ain’t big enough of a fandom to have problems amongst ourselves about popular takes. A take from one single person could be considered popular here. …But really, we all seem pretty cool from what I’ve seen.

Fringe fandom: I don’t usually actively engage in this one’s large-scale fandom, either, but when I have…I can’t say I’ve ever seen a take I disagreed with, really; at least not one that’s stood out to me, so…yeah. It’s all good, I guess.

Nier Replicant/Automata fandom: Honestly, we have the same situation here as Pikmin, Makai Ouji, Code Vein, and Fringe. I have no idea about the favoritism or the takes because I don’t really hang out in this fandom in my spare time all that much.

I’m sure there are things I’d take issue with if I searched enough, but what little I’ve seen of it is fine.

Other fandoms: Since I’m sure I’m forgetting quite a few and/or don’t consider myself a big/long/active enough fan to list them here, I’ll just lump all the rest into this category and say, obviously if I have had any interactions that I’ve learned fandom takes or favorites I’ve disagreed with from, they didn’t make a big enough impression to end up on this list, so all things considered, they must not be super bad to me — probably.

—

Aaaand that’s all of them! Thanks for the ask and happy reading!

[survey--s]

536.

What was the last thing you spent more than $20 on? Groceries.

Give us a lyric from a song you’ve recently listend to: "They thought she was fragile like a flower but she was a fragile like a bomb - yeah he set her off”

Do you wear actual designated ‘pajamas’ to bed? No, just a t-shirt and sometimes leggings in winter if it’s really cold. I own pajamas but I find them too hot to actually sleep in.

When was the last time you were tempted to do something you’d later regret? I honestly couldn’t tell you

Have you ever had feelings for someone who was seeing someone else? Yeah, sure.

Have you ever had feelings for your best friend’s significant other? Nope, we’ve never been interested in the same kind of people.

What color is your hairbrush? Black.

How many times did you ride in a car today? Loads, I drive between all my jobs so let’s see - nine lol.

Who was the last non-relative to call you? An unknown number - it only rang for a second then stopped.

Are you comfortable in your own skin? Yes.

What are your plans for tomorrow? Working 7.30am-12.30pm then I’m done for the weekend. I have no plans after getting off from work - probably some housework and then I think Mike is away tomorrow night.

Are you in a good mood right now? Sure - I was so tired yesterday I slept for around 10 hours last night lol.

When was the last time you had an ice cream cone? Last week.

Did you eat breakfast this morning? Yeah, I had a croissant with raspberry jam, a coffee and an orange juice.

Have you ever been in a cemetery at midnight? Yes.

Do you live on your own? No, I live with my husband, our dog and two cats.

How old are your siblings, if you have any? I don’t have any siblings.

Can you tie a cherry stem in a knot with your tongue? I’ve never tried but probably not. I suspect I’d just choke on it lol.

Have you ever used your cell phone as a lightsource in the dark? Sure, loads of times.

Is your birthday in less than 6 months? Yes.

How old will you be in 3 years? I’ll be 37.

Do you remember who you were dating in August 2007? Yeah, David.

Why did you cry the last time you did? Our cat Layla passed away on my arms a month ago.

Where are your parents right now? I have absolutely no idea, I assume they’re probably at home.

Would you rather be able to fly or breathe under water? Ooh, both lol.

Have you ever had a crush on a sibling’s friend? I don’t have siblings.

Do you know where your calcaneus bone is located? Yes.

Have you donated blood in the last 2 years? I can’t donate blood for various reasons.

What was the last free t-shirt you received from? Probably my old job. They gave us the odd freebie.

Have you kissed your 10th contact in your phone? I have no idea who that is and I can’t be bothered to check lol.

When did you go to bed last night? About 9pm and I was asleep by 10pm.

Is there anything you are looking forward to at the moment? The weekend - I finish at 12.30 tomorrow then I’m done until Monday morning.

Who was the last person to piss you off? Someone who let her out of control dog run up to Archie and get in his face. I don’t know her name but she never has control of her dog.

Do you like winter? I like winter in countries like Canada where there’s proper snow lol. Winter in the UK is just grey and damp and cold.

Who did you spend last New Year’s with? My husband.

Did you do anything special for St.Patrick’s Day? No. It’s not really a thing here.

Did you have a Valentine last time Valentine’s Day came around? Well, I’m married so technically yes, but we don’t really “do” Valentine’s Day.

What is your relationship with the last person to comment you? She’s a customer.

Who was the last person to sit on your bed? Aside from me, Mike.

Do you have a favorite flower? Sunflowers, white roses, cherry blossoms.

What is the best gift someone can give you? I mean at this point in my life, just money lol.

Was your last kiss a mistake? No.

Would you rather be stuck on a desert island with your ex or a python? My ex lol. At least there’d be another person to help catch food and stuff.

Do you kiss on the first date? If it feels right.

Would you rather visit Norway or BrazilI? Norway. I’ve been already, but I was too young to really appreciate it.

Name three objects within your reach? The dog, the remote control, my phone.

What jewelry are you wearing? I have jewellery in all my piercings and then I’m wearing my wedding and engagement rings on top.

Would you get a shamrock tattooed to your forehead for $5000? No.

What do you smell right now? The candle that’s burning - it’s a scent called “April Showers”.

Are you very flexible? Nope - neither mentally or physically lol.

Where was your display pic taken? At home.

Do you like Chinese food? I love Chinese food as long as it’s not anything spicy.

Where was the last place you went that was more than an hour away? Why were you going there? We went to Grange back in April - it was to do a Walking with Wolves experience which was amazing.

If your best friend asked you to marry them what would you say? We’re already married.

Are you under the influence of anything at the moment? No.

Would you consider yourself open-minded? Yeah, for the most part.

Who was the last person to tell you you looked nice? I can’t remember lol. Susie maybe?

Have you ever been to a nude beach? No, even though there’s one just up the road from us.

What time is it? It’s 15.36.

What are you going to go do now? I might go and sit in the garden in a bit but it’s still absolutely roasting and tomorrow’s meant to be even worse lol.

[purplesurveys]

1665

What’s your favorite amusement park? Feels unfair to call it a favorite when it’s the only one I’ve been to, but to be fair Universal Studios in Singapore wasn’t bad at all. Only thing I hated about the trip was that gross couple in front of us who endlessly made out while my family and I were in line for one of the rides.

Do you know your social security number (or equivalent) off by heart? Nah. Our HR team currently takes care of everything relating to my social security so there isn’t really a reason for me to memorize it, at least for now lol.

What would you take to a potluck dinner? Truffle mac and cheese from my favorite Italian restaurant. 

Do you have any sisters? How is your relationship with them? I have a sister, two years younger. We’re pretty tight, but our relationship is very casual more than anything. We’ll rant to each other and occasionally share how our day went, but we’d never confide in one another or have heart-to-hearts.

When was the last time you changed your hair and what did you do to it? I had it dyed to purple and trimmed up to my neck last October. It’s since faded back to a light brown and my roots are awkwardly growing out, but I’ll likely wait til June-ish to dye it back to purple again so that it looks perfect by the time we fly to Thailand.

What’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever done? Uh. Maybe that time I got an ex-partner a pendant with some pretty significant symbols inside when you open it? I don’t remember 98% of the relationship, but that one sticks out.

Do you listen to audiobooks? If so, what was the last one you listened to and did you like it? No, my attention span is too awfully short for something like that. Also why I can never get into podcasts no matter how hard I try.

Describe yourself in five words. Loyal, (too) hardworking, passionate, resentful, sensitive.

What was your favorite class in high school? History.

When was the last time you did laundry? Couple of days ago.

Do you own a leather jacket? Do you wear it often? No. No reason to own one considering the climate we experience in this part of the world, hahaha.

Can you get Chinese food from a drive-thru in your town? Yeah, we have a Chowking just right outside the village.

If you could choose your middle name, what would you pick? I’ve always liked my second name (Isabelle). I liked it too much to the point that when I was a kid and was being teased in school about my unisex name, I tried making my second name my main nickname; it didn’t stick though. Partially my fault too because I’d never turn around when I was being called by my second name hahaha

Would you rather see a sunrise or sunset? Sunset. I don’t like waking up early, and I’ve always thought sunsets looked better and more peaceful anyway.

Do you have any plans to buy any furniture in the near future? Nope.

When you go to bed, do you go to sleep straight away? Sometimes, but most of the time I’d continue to use my phone and go through social media and Reddit until my eyes start feeling heavy.

What do you do for a living? I work as an account manager in the public relations industry.

Do you own a suitcase? When was the last time you used it? Where did you go? I do, but I haven’t used it in since 2016 when I went on a cruise and had to pack for three different countries. I don’t plan on using it for my upcoming Thailand and Malaysia trips, either.

How many pets have you had in your life? More than 10, but I don’t remember how many goldfish we owned in total.

Is there any soda in your fridge right now? We may have Coke actually but idk?? I had my birthday dinner with friends last night and my mom asked if anybody wanted soda so apparently we have some.

Do you call it soda, pop, fizzy drink or something else entirely? Soda or softdrink depending on who I’m talking to. Filipinos tend to use ‘softdrink’ so I’m likely to use that when talking to an older friend/relative.

Do you need to get any groceries right now? What do you need? MORE 3-IN-1 COFFEE. I recently ran out :(

If I was visiting your town, what would you take me to see and do? Probably one of the cafés up the mountain so you can see the Metro Manila skyline.

What was the last thing you spent money on? Beer.

What subscription services do you have? Spotify, YouTube Premium, Netflix, Disney+.

Do you like olives? I have my moods for it but otherwise I will take them out if I encounter them in a dish.

Would you rather be too warm or too cold? Too cold. These days the heat index is reaching 50ºC so being ‘too warm’ is at the VERY BOTTOM of my priorities right now.

What’s your favorite name for a girl? Olivia. I like the name Mia too, but one of my clients has the same name so for now it’s taken a backseat as my favorite lololol. I love Elliott for a girl, too.

How do you make your coffee? I rely on 3-in-1 coffee precisely because I’m terrible at making my own coffee and always fuck up the ratios for the add-ons.

Do you know anyone who has a matching tattoo with someone? (including yourself)? Apart from BTS, no not really lol.

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

433 of 2022

Personal Questions Survey

[made @ xanga.com/surveys_for_nimrods]

1. Last time you had sex?:

Three days ago or so.

2. How do you keep your hair "down there"?:

Depends on my mood. Sometimes I have better things to do.

3. Ever have sex outside of a relationship?:

No, and I don’t intend to.

4. Most embarrassing period story you have to tell?:

I’m not a woman, so no period stories here. Never had, never will.

5. Favorite sexual act (ex. blowjobs, fingering, etc.)?:

No sexual acts at all.

6. Ever taken naked pictures of yourself?:

Nah. It’s enough that my husband has to watch me sometimes XD

7. Do you like/love anyone right now?:

Yeah, my husband. And some other guys, but it’s rather platonic in nature.

8. Spit or swallow?:

I don’t do that.

9. If someone paid you to have sex with them, would you do it? What if it was for a million dollars?:

No and no. I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror.

10. Ever did something sexual while under the influence?:

Yeah, we both were drunk, but we were in a relationship, so nothing extreme here.

13. If a taken person pursued you and you were interested, would you do anything with them?:

No. I’d rather lose any interest because it feels wrong if a taken person pursues someone else. I’d rather tell them to go fix their existing relationship.

14. Have you ever cheated or been cheated on?:

I haven’t cheated on anyone, but I’ve been cheated on. Talked about it already.

15. What's your cup size?:

I don’t think guys actually measure that. We tend to measure something else... not that I do lol. Such things don’t matter to me, it feels too much that it even is there at all.

16. Do you have any self-esteem issues?:

Quite so. I should believe in myself more.

17. Last time you cried, and why?:

30 years ago because I was two years old and it’s normal for that age.

18. Are you on any medications? What kind?:

Yeah, Keppra for epilepsy. Works well most of the time.

19. What method of birth control do you use?:

Homosexual intercourses lol. Never had sex with a woman, never will.

20. Ever tried drugs or alcohol?:

Yes for alcohol, no for drugs.

21. Ever drove drunk?:

No, and I despise people who do it.

22. Ever did anything sexual at work?

No, work is for working, not for wasting time.

23. Ever met someone from the internet? How did it go?:

No, I didn’t.

24. Ever have an online significant other?:

Nope. You can’t be 100% sure who is on the other side.

25. Is there a secret you're hiding from everyone?:

I don’t think so. I just don’t talk about some things openly, but if anyone asked, I’d probably tell them.

26. Ever been to a therapist?:

Not for mental things, but for physiotherapy.

27. Worst break-up you ever had?:

Jay broke up with me a day after Valentine’s Day, when I’d least expect it. He threatened to kill himself, by the way.

28. Is there any friends you have that you secretly despise?:

No, if I despised anyone, I’d never call them a friend. Simple as that.

29. Ever gave someone a lapdance?:

Wat? Nah.

30. Ever liked two people at one time?:

Better, five. But it was all platonic, so.

31. Is there someone you're lying to at the moment?:

No, I don’t see the point.

32. Would you sleep with your boss to get a raise or a promotion?:

No, and I have no respect for this kind of people. Sorry, but no one wants a dumb supervisor who had no chance to be promoted through their own hard work and knowledge. ‘d better be ‘just a worked’, but valued and appreciated for how well I know my job. I don’t judge people’s choices, but I would never want a supervisor who doesn’t even know the job I do, at least at the same level as me.

33. Do you plan on going to college?:

I have a degree already, in electrical engineering. I’ve been doing yet another degree in uni besides working, but it’s on hiatus due to my health.

34. How many kids do you want in the future?:

None.

35. What age do you want to get married at, if at all?:

I’m married already.

36. Will you take your partner's last name, have them take yours, or just both keep your last names? Maybe combine them?:

No I didn’t take his last name, neither he did mine, and I’ve explained it in another survey that here in my country people don’t change their last names while getting married. Not even women who marry men.

37. Would you use an online dating site to find a partner?:

No. I’ve never actively looked for a partner. I just take whatever life brings.

38. Ever been engaged?:

Yeah.

39. Ever been called a bad kisser?:

No, but I don’t really like kissing and that’s the thing my husband tends to complain about.

40. What color eyes did the last person you kissed have?:

Hazel.

41. Would you ever pierce your genitals or nipples?:

No and no. I don’t get the appeal. I like piercings, but not in such places.

42. Is waiting for marriage to have sex a good idea to you?:

To each their own. I don’t judge either way.

43. Do you masturbate?:

Who doesn’t, honestly. And if I really have to, I much prefer this than having sex with another person.

44. Ever masturbated with something really weird (ex. a Sharpie or a hairbrush or whatever)?:

Lol no. I’d have to take it the other way around if I wanted to ‘insert something’. Just my hand.

45. Ever dropped someone's toothbrush in the toilet and didn't tell them?:

No? How is it possible to accidentally drop a toothbrush into the toilet anyway?

46. Ever heard/walked in on your parents having sex?:

No, thankfully. I don’t think they ever do it anyway.

47. If you had a hot cousin, would you have sexual relations with them?:

No? I can’t believe some people are such animals.

48. Ever fall for someone who was only supposed to be your friend with benefits?:

I’ve never had “friends with benefits”. I don’t have sex with people I’m not in a relationship with.

49. Ever had a friend with benefits?:

No. And I’m not going to.

50. Opinion on casual sex?:

Not for me, thanks.

[crypticcozycorner]

Honestly I don’t quite remember how I realized I was ace. I remember being in sex Ed and being like “ok but why would anyone want to do that?”, and I figured that it was just the whole “middle schoolers find sex gross/funny I’ll get it when I’m older” but then I just… never did. I don’t remember how I found the term ace, but I’ve been identifying as it for years!

Aro is a little more interesting. Unlike with sex where I’ve always been uninterested, I’ve always liked the idea of romance. I had thoughts that maybe I might be aromantic for a while but I pushed that to the back of my mind and convinced myself that aesthetic attraction was romantic, even when I knew I’d never date that person and would get really awkward whenever anyone asked me about crushes or my parents would talk about how they’d support me no matter who I dated. I ended up watching Jaden animation’s video and reading loveless and heavily related to both, but it still took me about a year to overcome my internalized arophobia. It wasn’t until I joined tumblr right around valentines day and aro week and saw so many people talking about their experiences as an aro person and being proud that I finally accepted myself and took on the label or aro (and by extension aroace. Looking back on it there were so many signs, such as when I was on a second date with someone playing VR chat at their house and kept saying I was “at a friends house” because the word boyfriend/girlfriend didn’t feel right coming out of my mouth. The only “crushes” I ever had were often (non-human) fictional characters that could fit into my enjoyment of the idea of romance without any actual feelings.

I also look back and realize that I don’t quite… understand relationships because I basically viewed it as another form of friendship. I didn’t understand monogamy that much or why people didn’t like it when their partner had crushes because to me that’s like saying you’re only allowed to have one friend. I didn’t understand why it was awkward for some to stay friends with their ex or why my friend got upset when another one of our friends had a crush on her (now ex) boyfriend. I didn’t even realize that going on a date with someone doesn’t mean you’re automatically dating after the first date. I’m not saying all aro people don’t understand romance or dating, but I really don’t lol.

storytime invitation?? i guess thats what youd call it

how did you know you were aromantic/asexual/aroace?

i knew i was ace from the moment i learned what sex was, like ummm!!! you can keep that to yourself actually

i realized i was aro way later (after i made this post actually), after my first real break up and was kinda like.. that was NOT it???? idk my idea of romance has always been just cuddles and quality time and i realized that's not the same for other people ??? people actually have a DESIRE to kiss other people????? absolutely not.

[suckitsurveys]

When was the last time you admired some flowers? What kind/color were they? Not really flowers, but we have some plants in the office I was just admiring because they perked up since yesterday’s watering.

Are you in the process of watching or re-watching a series at the moment? The only thing I’m actively watching right now is SNL lol. Oh, and I’ve been watching Bob’s Burgers every once in a while as well.

Has anyone you know gotten a new pet recently? My coworker just adopted a dog not that long ago.

Have you ever kissed someone of another race? Yes.

Are there any races you wouldn’t kiss? What the fuck kinda question is that?

What is your favorite thing about your best friend? Just how they remember little things about me. It makes me feel so loved and heard.

What do you mostly have in common with your best friend? The shows and movies and music we reference.

Do you like it when men shave their chests? If you are a guy, do you shave? That sounds like it would be so uncomfortable.

What is your favorite kind of video game? Just, fun ones? Idk.

Do you prefer regular bacon or turkey bacon? Either is fine.

What is the last place, other than home, that you stayed overnight? In a tent in the woods 2 weeks ago.

What is the furthest you have traveled alone? Utah.

Have you ever dated someone simply for their looks? No.

Have you ever been drunk? Yes.

What was the name of the main character in the last book you read? There wasn’t a main character.

Do you prefer pizza or hot dogs? Pizza, but I also LOVE hot dogs. Pizza is just more versatile and has more variations.

What is your favorite pizza topping? Pepperoni and black olives is my go-to.

Is anyone in your family currently in the military? None that I know of.

Do you own a bikini? Yes, a couple.

Would you rather have a personal chef or personal house cleaner? House cleaner for sure.

Tell me about your first breakup, if you had one. It’s irrelevant now.

Which person would you choose to travel the world with? My best friends.

Is your last ex currently in a relationship? I have idea.

What are your favorite things to create? Things for people.

What’s something you prefer to keep private? My past traumas and shit, idk.

Are you good at prioritizing? I can be.

If you’re not religious, were you ever? What made you lose faith? I’ve never been.

When was the last time you looked at your significant other/crush’s Facebook profile? It’s been a while since I went to his actual page. All his posts are just things I tag him in anyway lol.

When consuming a beverage that comes in a can, do you prefer to drink it directly from the can or do you pour it into a cup? It depends on how cold said can is.

When you are out of your house, where do you usually store your cell phone? My back pocket usually, or my purse.

When yawning, do you cover your mouth? In public I do.

Do you know a James? Several at work.

Have you ever been to Australia? If not, would you like to? I haven’t. I’m not particularly interested in going there.

Have you ever or do you currently live in a gated community? Nope.

Who was your last text from? My sister.

Do you know how to use a DSLR camera? I do.

Have you ever owned an axolotl? No.

What has been the longest amount of time you’ve spent on a plane? No more than 2 hours, which is about to change when I go to SLC in couple of weeks. I chose a direct flight this time and I’m SO nervous about it mainly because I have SO much anxiety about possibly having to use the bathroom .

Have you ever missed a flight? Nope.

Have you ever been to an outdoor cinema? Yes.

Have you ever had a “bad trip”? If yes, what happened? Nope.

How often do you use Instagram? I check it every day.

Adam Sandler or Jim Carrey? Jim Carrey.

How many pillows are on your bed? 6.

What upcoming movies are you excited to see? I’m excited to see Wicked.

Do you have any friends with the same first name as you? No.

Have you ever had hair extensions? No.

Have you ever taken karate classes? No.

How many states have you lived in? Just one.

Have you ever had plastic surgery? No.

What’s your favorite kind of donut? Boston cream or powdered sugar with jelly.

Were you ever sent to the principal’s office as a kid? Once for not having my school planner with me which was so dumb.

Do you like going to the zoo? I like going to GOOD research zoos, yes.

Have you ever milked a cow? I have.

Have you ever ridden in a limo? Yes.

Who do you talk to about personal problems? My husband, my friends, this hellsite.

Do you wear make-up? Rarely.

Do you shower daily? No.

Do you love to shop? Eh.

Tampons or pads? Tampons.

How old were you when you had your first boyfriend? 15 if you wanna count that.

If you were to have sex right now, would you use a condom? No.

Do you have real or fake fingernails? Real.

Do you own many pairs of shorts? Yes.

Is there an article of clothing you need to buy right now? A strapless bra for the dress I just bought.

Have you ever wanted to get drunk and take your mind off of everything? In the past I have.

Have you ever had to choose between two people? Kinda.

Have you ever been in a hospital? Yeah.

[autumnmoonsurveys]

SUNDAY, JANUARY 28, 2024 4:41 PM

New tats in your near future?

Yes.

How about piercings or re-piercings?

No.

Are there any rooms in your house that you don’t go into every day?

I don’t go down into the basement nor upstairs every day.

Who else do you know who has the same favorite color as you do?

My mom.

Have you ever had a tattoo covered up or added to?

Yes, both.

Have you ever kissed someone who has previously kissed someone you hated?

I mean, sure.

Do you have any relatives with red hair?

Lots.

What is tomorrow’s weather forecasted to be like?

39° and cloudy.

Have you ever known anyone who committed suicide?

Yes.

What’s some of the worst pain you’ve ever felt?

Physically, labor with my son.

What’s your favorite kind of pasta?

Angel hair carbonara.

Would you rather a friend come over to your house or you go over there?

Come here.

Have you ever had rabies?

If one actually contracts rabies, the survival rate is virtually zero.

Do you know anyone who ever had to get a rabies shot?

Probably.

Ever eaten deer? Duck? Squirrel? How about lamb?

Deer, duck, and lamb. Don’t really like any.

What is your favorite parody movie?

Tropic Thunder. 😬 It’s genius.

What is your least favorite ice cream flavor?

Anything SUPER chunky, like rocky road.

Does your car have heated seats?

No.

Have you ever been tempted to steal?

Yeah, when I was young and dumb. Teenagers are legitimately stupid.

Would you rather travel to Ireland or Japan?

Ireland.

Does tickling turn you on?

Fuck no. The heck?

If you could go over to someone’s house right now, whose and why?

My mom’s, ‘cause it’s close and I don’t actually want to go anywhere. LOL

What is the age gap between you and your parents?

My mom was 24 when I was born and my dad was 26.

How many bathrooms does your house have? Is this enough?

Three, and yes, it’s perfect — one for the boys/guests, one for us, one for the girls.

Have you ever video-chatted with someone you met online?

No. And I hate video calls.

Do you collect anything, or have you ever?

Yeah, many things throughout my life.

When was the last time you used Facebook?

Earlier.

How many siblings does your best friend have?

Two older sisters.

Have you ever dated someone who was emotionally or mentally unstable?

Yeah, sure.

Be honest: are you clingy?

I am the opposite. I enjoy my own space.

Have you ever had bronchitis?

Yeah.

Have you ever had a reptile for a pet?

Yes, an anole.

Are you afraid of the dentist?

VERY FUCKING MUCH, something that only became a thing in recent times because of neglecting my teeth for so long and now I'm paying for it... <- Absolutely same. 😞

Did you attend Sunday School as a child?

Occasionally.

Who was the last person you cuddled with?

Otter.

How would you feel if your significant other (or possible partner) told you they dislike having sex, but do so with you to make you happy, even though they personally think it’s a chore?

I feel like that’s me anymore. Ever since I’ve been on Lexapro, my libido is so low. Once we’re in the act, I’m good, it’s just the desire to even start.

Your boyfriend/girlfriend isn’t around but their phone is. Do you look through it?

No, I’m a grownup with a healthy relationship.

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now?

Yep.

Have you ever liked anyone that was in a relationship with someone else?

Mm-hmm.

Do people ever compliment your eyes?

Yes.

Have any of your exes ever given you roses?

One.

Do you think your last ex ever thinks about you?

Well, yeah.

Would you rather have salad or french fries for a side dish?

Salad.

Which one of your relationships was the shortest?

Of actual high school+ relationships, either Logan or Dylan. Only a month or so.

Which was the longest?

My husband, but before that my “most recent” ex/my daughter’s father. We were together for five and a half years. My husband and I have been together for eight and a half years.

Have any of your exes told you they regret breaking up with you?

Yeah.

Would you feel hurt if your last ex is in a relationship?

No, he’s been with “the other Brooke” (we’re both named Brooke LOL) the entire time.

Are you going to be getting any new pets soon?

Maybe.

Do you like BBQ sauce?

Yes.

What do you like to do when you’re home alone?

Chilllllll. But also clean/organize.

Should the guy always pay for the date?

No.

What kind of music calms you down?

Just whatever I’m in the mood for, I guess.

Do you know anyone who has autism?

Yeah.

What is your favorite way to eat eggs?

Deviled!

Do you like Frozen?

Nah.

Who is one of your heroes?

Meh.

Do you enjoy hot chocolate?

Once or twice a year.

Do you use Instagram often?

I follow stories daily.

If you got a kitten, what would you name it?

Depends!

Do you have a Pinterest account?

Yes, just for recipe ideas.

Do you prefer a quiet or noisy environment?

Quiet. I am so overstimulated by noise and chaos anymore.

What is one question you don’t like being asked?

🤷‍♀️

Who is someone you know who is talkative?

My daughter.

When was the last time you saw one of your uncles?

November, at my one grandmother’s memorial service.

Do you know anyone who plays the violin?

My cousin(s) used to when he/they were young. I can’t remember if it was just the one or both of them.

Do your parents enjoy any of the things that you enjoy? Do you bond over these things?

Yepper.

Out of all your usernames for websites, which one is your favorite? Do you use it for more than one site?

I’ve used “bbing” a lot… First initial and husband’s shortened/nicknamed last name.

Have you ever spent the whole day (or multiple days) just looking up one thing on the internet (e.g., videos of your favorite band, how-to videos, quizzes, etc.)?

Yeah.

If someone told you that we live in a society that hates women, how would you respond?

I really don’t give a fuck to participate in bullshit like that, sorry. 🙃

Can you remember the last thing you thought and subsequently thought, “wow, I really shouldn’t be thinking that”?

Probably daily. 😅

[us-the-voices-and-more-voices-2]

tbh hot take.

we are living in a rise of child abuse and neglect unironically.

the pandemic forced abusive parents and their kids together in close quarters for literally 2-3 years, most of the kids were aged 4-8 when they started, and they had nowhere to escape to.

no one was critical of neglecting parents or abusive parents because everyone was stuck in their homes, and could do whatever they wished to their kids let it be Sexual Abuse or physical abuse.

lots of kids were neglected because the parents were going stir crazy in lockdown, and lost jobs, lives, family.

and a lot of factors kinda contributed to tons and tons of kids either staying abused or started getting abused.

to say that iPad kids are a new thing? Is kinda dumb, neglected kids have existed forever.

but what i think we are seeing now, is that it’s WAY easier to spot them. We now know what neglected kids look like, we now know what child abuse looks like (in the public’s eyes i mean) we know know that these are behaviours stemming from something more sinister.

and that’s why we see them more, because again, i was a iPad kid (like one of the first ones lol) and again i ended up fine, i know tons of kids and people who were iPad kids. They are fine people?

from what I know it goes age 1-7 obsession with screens, 8-18 oh i can do other things!

it’s usually life issues that make them worse, divorce, natural disasters, neglect, abuse, death in the family, toxic relationships, and more. That stuff usually makes people “iPad kids” not that it’s bad it’s that it’s how they are coping with life.

same with the demon children, i hate them, they are bigots, but again there’s more factors outside of “they have an iPad that must be it” like your guys hypothesis is absolutely trash. Sometimes.

it’s genuinely a bunch of factors at home, and at school.

like there’s literally 2 -3 types of iPad kids,

there’s the “screaming if you take away their screen, will yell slurs, cannot handle their emotions and have anger filled outbursts”

and there’s the “starts sobbing and crying quietly, and has incredibly bad suicidal thoughts and tendencies while also being literally 8, and cannot handle their emotions and will breakdown with the slightest hint of anger.”

and lastly “they have been using iPads since they were basically born, they are weird they are fundamentally different and associate robots and digital tools and devices as more of a parent then their actual parents, they can handle their emotions but they associate and feel better with robots or artificial objects or inanimate objects."

like, again shy iPad kids exist and are super not okay.

The raised by Siri/alexa/hey Google and such who know the robots/ai are more of a presence in their lives then their parents, and they are very tech savvy and have a big interest in ai and robotics due to being basically raised by them.

And the screaming, yelling, iPad kids who will literally try to kill you.

like some people just are like “ kid who uses and iPad is an iPad kid” when guess what? THATS NOT IT!

i know not one, not 2 not even 4 but i know 10+ kids who have iPads and are literally the most bright wonderful kids ever.

genuinely that is not the problem, they have also seen the horrors on the internet, they have also seen dark things and whatever, but they love to learn and use their iPads to make art or write or edit or just everything!

but they aren’t iPad kids.

I’ve been trying to find like good information about internet trauma, and iPad kids. And also guess what? IT’S TOO NEW OF A PHENOMENON FOR PEOPLE TO EVEN DO THAT MUCH RESEARCH ON IT YET!

so at this point, me and the other ex-iPad kids are genuinely trying our best to tell you these things and we are shut down!

I’m not a scientist or a child psychologist, but hell! If i have to become one to be believed i fucking will!

like people are spending so much time on the WRONG THINGS, it’s so nuanced and complex the reasons why people become iPad kids, there is genuinely so many reasons!

there’s so much, so much, and no one but the previous iPad kids are even like trying to spread accurate information about these things.

it’s so annoying, it’s not like I don’t spread my time doing interviews and discussions with iPad kids, or previous iPad kids. it’s not like I don’t spend my time testing hypothesis’s and trying to find the root cause.

I’ve talked to more iPad kids then I think most of tumblr has combined, like 100+ I know what I’m talking about and I know what I mean.

I literally run a survey about internet trauma, I am going to make one about iPad kids at some point, I am doing so much research by myself because no one else freaking understands anything.

I’m sorry this has been a rant, but i can’t take people throwing literal CHILDREN UNDER THE BUS!

like these kids need help, and they will never get it at this rate. Their parents suck, the schools are either abusive or overworked, and who else is going to help these kids?

sure as hell not the government! ITS US INTERNET PEOPLE!

we are the ONLY ONES LEFT, that’s the problem! That’s the freaking problem!

iPad kids flee to the internet because no one else will take them, no one else is going to help them learn or teach them how to cook or read or write!

genuinely sometimes I wonder if you’ve ever seen the huge community of kids on the internet teaching other kids how to do things, it’s like you’ve never like seen all these kids even though they are horrible they have a love for life and passions, genuinely these kids may be trash but we LITERALLY SCREWED THEM OVER!

every single kid online, has learned things. All the iPad kids need guidance and help, and socialising and friendships but they don’t have them.

and we have screwed them over completely, if any of these laws that forbid kids online happen. There will be no-one to help them then, genuinely no-one.

as much as everyone preaches “help the children” and “report child abuse” and “think of the children” everyone falls insanely flat when it comes to actually helping them

I’ve talked to kids, who have no-one else left, who think no-one loves them, who think they are better off dead, I’ve talked to kids who have been beaten down by life and their parents and teachers, and I have supported those kids and teens and people.

because if I don’t.. who will?

Being on the internet is wonderful and awful at the same time, but the one thing that is always a net positive. Is that someone will listen, someone will help.

eventually, someone will come and they will help.

but some people see these horrible kids, or these shy kids, or these kids raised by technology. And then when they are struggling and have no-one else to turn to you leave them alone to die.

I shouldn’t have to read about 8-10 year olds attempting suicide, I shouldn’t have to read about them getting groomed and sexually abused, I shouldn’t have to deal with them having the worst home lives I have ever heard. Because this should have been nipped in the bud YEARS AGO!

these kids have been suffering most of not all their life, and when you give them the smallest bit of kindness or help they literally collapse crying.

that’s what iPad kids are, they are sad, lonely, fucked up kids. And we are not doing anything about it, we are actively making the problem worse.

literally if a kid seems fucked up, ask if they are alright, if someone seems upset ask why.

life is too short and too hard to be by ourselves.

sorry I ranted, I’m just so done with people throwing literal children under the bus. Why are you doing that?

I understand teachers and shit, I understand people who dislike kids, but everyone else? What’s your excuse?

I hate these kids, (the loud yelling angry ones) but they still need help. And it sucks life sucks, but we can’t leave them behind.

that’s why their literacy is trash, that’s why they don’t know manners or anything, that’s why they’re annoying and want to talk to you about things.

they were abandoned.

uh, closing statements.

don’t be a dick to kids online unless they are actively being a dick to you.

be patient in some form, and talk to people who are struggling.

and always fight internet laws <3

Parents get sooooooo mad when anyone even remotely implies that if we know it negatively impacts adults then it’s probably quite detrimental to the health and development of a young mind to stick an iPad in front of a child any time they show signs of Behaviors. “Are you calling me a bad parent?” Yeah. I am.

[solivagant-nubivagant]

So yeah I told him about my blog…he’s cute. He wanted me to talk about it. Idk maybe I’ll give him the ID some day…that would be a big step tbh…

Idk I just feel kinda gloomy rn. Nothing special. I’m thinking about him. He’s pretty, like ofc, guys are usually handsome and hot and all that. While he is DEFINITELY all that, he’s also pretty. And I mean that in a way you say “pretty boy” like someone who is cute and cuddly and kind and handsome. Tbh if he were an icecream flavour he’d be bubblegum or vanilla. Why two so damn different ones? Well bubblegum is his favourite. And it’s so like him…when I first had that icecream, (and yeah if he was food he’d be icecream) it reminded me of childhood, and just the whole absence of purity and innocence and joy…I can’t describe it but it tasted the way playing hopscotch felt…and that’s a lot like him, sweet, funny, nostalgic, comforting. Whereas for vanilla, I said that because well quite frankly, I love vanilla, (my favourite would always be caramel but still) you can never go wrong with a vanilla flavoured thing tbh. Plus it’s customisable, you can add a *ploop* of caramel on it with some fruits maybe? And it tastes awesome. Idk vanilla is just comforting to me, again, not good with expressing feelings tbh (it’s the autism)

Vanilla is like something you can lean on. Like when I don’t understand any flavour I just go with vanilla. I can lean on it for support if that makes sense there’s nothing that can go wrong with vanilla.

He’s like that.

Idk what it’s about him but he feels a lot different than other people I’ve met. With people I’ve had crushes on or been in a relationship with, I’ve always felt this rush of excitement and all butterflies and all yk? But with him, while I do feel those (OH DEFINITELY whenever I look at him for the first time on every video call, I have to hold my breath he’s just so damn pretty) but he feels very comforting to me, like I know him. Idk that’s the best way I can describe it, talking to him feels like we know each other. I’m so shy, the first time I talked to my ex on call I did not speak a single word on the call because of how many butterflies I had (yeah I loved that guy) but with him even if I don’t wanna /can’t talk, I somehow go ahead and invent it. I don’t wanna stop talking to him, I never want our time together to end.

And tbh, I just don’t mean that just cause of romantic love or something, it’s very genuine. Not *just* romantically. I love him like the way I love my best friend, I just have a bit of romantic feelings too. If that makes sense.

The way he talks and the facial expressions he makes, man I love listening to him and observing him. The way his accent gets all mixed up when he’s ranting, even though I have a bit of a trouble understanding him then, I love it. I’d listen to it on repeat. May sound creepy lol. I’ve written poems about people, and intellectual paragraphs, but the thing I’m writing rn is the most genuine thing I’ve ever written about someone. I genuinely love him, and not just in a romantic sense.

Huh I’m thinking if I do decide to give him my ID 💀 what would he think if he read this…? 💀💀

Doesn’t mean I’m gonna hide it though, I love him, and that’s the truth. He has to deal with it 😂

While a few people (2) before him knew I have a blog I’ve never actually shared my ID with someone. Yeah but I do wonder, what he would think of me if he ever decided to look through this thing. Would it change the way he looks at me? Maybe. Well we’ll see…but hey if you read this whole thing, just know that some of the things I’ve written down here are written in my most impulsive depressive moments, I do that, I speak weird stuff just to get the impulsive thoughts out of my head, most of them I don’t even believe in later. My mother always told me to get the impulsive thoughts out, and it does help so. Tbh I never filter out this blog, it’s one place I feel my most authentic self. And if I do end up sharing this with you, I just want you to know me for me too. <3

Well whenever he calls me up it means so much to me tbh, he showed me his sketches, he just makes me feel loved and so does Zainab. Like both of them, they make me feel so loved, and I’ve never had that before…I was always told people always hurt you, and they’ve done that, but these two just…change my perspective on things every-time I talk to them. They care about me, they LOVE the fact that I talk so much when all my life people told me to shut up, seriously both of them tell me to talk more like can you believe that

I love these two so much, honestly both of them won’t even realise how much I love them. They’ve been with me through my worst moments and it seems like they have no intention to leave any time soon. Man I just love them so damn much. They make my life worth living tbh.

Him tho…tbh I can talk more about him..idk for how long I’ve been typing, sitting behind this door, but rn it feels good to do it.

He got so happy when I told him we could have a *chance* of meeting, I don’t think I would ever be able to imagine he was so happy if I didn’t hear it in his voice. Man…it’s just so hard for me to imagine someone being so happy to see me. It made my heart melt, I wanted to cry and hug him so damn hard.

I don’t think I’d be able to go tho, situation at my friend’s house isn’t that good.

I’d hate to break it to him…but we’ll hopefully I can visit him some day. I really do hope so. Ok if I get the college I want I’m going on a solo trip to see him. I deserve that.

Tbh I also wanna know what he thinks of when he’s looking at me or talking to me…like I REALLY wanna know IM SO CURIOUS

I WANNA KNOW EVERY DETAIL DAMMIT

I doubt it’s as elaborate as mine 💀😂

Tbh that’s also kinda fascinating to think about how different/similar (I doubt that) our thinking is. Must be fun to analyse it lol

And now my buttcheek hurt from sitting on the floor to long. See that’s the thing when you have a flat bum. No cushion support

[seiwas]

helloooo sel!!♡

I hope you had a wonderful day today or so far or about to!! and omg you’re majoring in psych😆?!?!? that’s so cool🤩 I have so much respect and love for your career choice🫶

and yes! the fact that things end amicably but it just opens up all kinds of doors and brings up more questions is like bonkers😭 and I agree, reading the trope is one thing but like how healthy can it be for both parties irl like idk😭

And if I were given another to be with him I… tbh I want to say yes that I would go for it, but I also want to say no because I feel weak if I were to cave in that easily LMAO😭 like you know how when reading the exes to lovers trope the two are always kinda like “no! we broke off for a reason, I can’t just go back to them! I have to stay strong!” I feel like I would kinda act like that because I don’t want to be swept up that easily….but then there are the scenes with these tropes that are like “this isn’t right, I can’t be with them! unless👀…” AND I FEEL LIKE I WOULD ALSO ACT THIS WAY🤦‍♀️ like if they’re charm starts sneaking it’s way into the conversation BYE IM GONE💀 I would go WEAK in the knees and fall HARD all over again💀 knee caps GONE🤦‍♀️ (of course this all depends on the fact that if he’s still the same person he was and he hasn’t like drastically changed and become a horrible person or something lol💀 but those are my current thoughts on this topic thank you for coming to my Ted talk🧍‍♀️)

and AW OMG THE WAY YOU SEE YOUR BF IS SO CUTE😭 like all the little things that you see in him and how you interpret them is wholesome🥹 like these characters are just the best and that fact that you see him with all of their best qualities is so endearing like🥹💖🫶😆

and the way he teases you is so funny too (like his teasing is definitely at a atsumu+gojo level lmao), like his eyebrows waggling and the looks like that’s so silly😂 and your relationship is so sweet like the way you guys can still be silly besties but also love one another is so amazing! I just always feel like relationships that have started on the foundation of a great friendship are always so beautiful🥹

And thank you! my day did go well! I actually had a psych class that I had to go to and my professor had started giving us a lecture on sleep stages and dreams so it was really interesting! afterward, I went to this random event that my school was doing with a friend and we got these free air brush shirts and they were pretty cool!

Also I hope you were satisfied with the way your cookies turned out and that it brought you some smiles🥹🫶you’ve also reminded that I’ve been wanting to do some Halloween themed cookies so thank you teehee!! ૮꒰˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶꒱ა

AND YES!! ALL THE IDEAS FROM KOI ARE SO GOOD LIKE🤯 koi’s really cooking it up and serving us WHOLE MEALS over here❤️‍🔥

I’ve actually recently picked up hq bc I started watching it for shits and giggles when all the depressing satosugu stuff was happening in the summer and people were talking about how hq is so wholesome and how others should start watching it now that jjk is about to go through an emotional roller coaster and then…well… I now have another love of my life🧎‍♀️whenever something bad starts happening in the anime or manga for jjk now I just sigh and open up a new tab to watch another episode of hq teehee🤭 (I was VERY happy when we all started talking about hq and jjk on here lol)

IM SORRY SEL I RAMBLED TOO MUCH THIS TIME😭 and I saw that you were wondering whether col had regressed ever since tell me about love and I swear to you it has not😭🫶💖 you’re writing is so beautiful sel like there are so many lines that you have written that feel so poetic to me like omg you’re amazing ₍ᐢ. .ᐢ₎ ₊˚⊹♡

I hope this weekend is treating you well tho sel🥺🫶💕

⭐️ anon!

hello ⭐️ anon!! welcome back 💓 so sweet of you to swing by!! 🥺

my day has been great so far! had an early start and was able to go to the gym after weeks of skipping!! (actually can't believe how much i missed it 🥹 starting smth again after stopping for a while can be so intimidating but i'm glad i pushed myself to do it!!) & i'm graduated already!! hehe but i'm glad you seem to like psych!! what's yours?

i agree!! an exes to lovers can be so messy if not done carefully 🤧 but i completely get what you mean abt not caving in!! but that's so true!! a lot of time has passed and both of you could be very different people!! and whether that compatibility is still there is a very valid thing to consider!! 🥹

and you're so cute nonie omg 😭 i think i describe him w these characters bc it's the only way i can paint a good picture of him for people on here to understand 🥹 but i'm giggling at how you find it wholesome 🥹 + yes!! omg his teasing rlly is at atsumu/gojo level 😭 he makes fun of me a lot too but it never goes too far 😭 like it's always up until the point that i'm still hiding a smile abt it 🥹 and i do love that abt our relationship too nonie!! that he's my bestfriend and bf in one!! i feel like this is why everything i write is a friends to lovers tbh 😭

ohhh!!! sleep stages and dreams is an interesting topic!! im glad you found it cool!! and the event you went to with your friend too!! im happy you enjoyed 💗

omg i just baked a batch after making it rest overnight and i think i messed smth up in the recipe 😭 it didn't turn out good 😭 but i guess it's bc i tinkered around w it so much 😭 i hope your halloween cookies turn out amazing tho!! ive been seeing a lot of snickerdoodle recipes on my youtube lately!!

YES shoutout to you koi @dear-koi omg you're doing god's work feeding the iwa nation over here 🥹

AND YOU PICKED UP HQ??? OMG THAT'S SO EXCITING!! TELL ME MOREEEE!! hq is really wholesome 😭 you only lose games not lives 😭 (but it's still pretty heartbreaking 😭 hq!! is my bf's fave anime and it made him cry like 2 times 😭😭😭) who are your faves so far?? and who's your team!!! aAAAH

and please don't apologise for rambling omg?? i think it's so sweet that you're continually dropping by to chat and share about your day!! 🥹 and oh gosh my ramblings omg you are so sweet for noticing and for coming in here to reassure me 🥺 i think i just think about it from time to time and worry about it ykno! but i'm glad that you feel that way 🥹 i appreciate it so much and am so touched that you still enjoy the way i've been writing the recent additions!!

i hope this weekend is amazing for you nonie, you are so incredibly sweet!

[survey--s]

525.

Do you like getting flowers as a gift? I love flowers but they’re not most practical of gifts - I always appreciate them when they’re given to me.

Who is one person you never get tired of? I don’t think anyone falls into that category, everyone pisses me off eventually lol.

How different would your life be if “that one thing” didn’t happen? I mean, very different.

What is “that one thing”? My break-up with Chris.

What’s the most desperate thing you did? Nothing in particular is really coming to mind right now.

Where was the last place you took a train to? Manchester.

What are your living arrangements currently? Are you happy with them? I live with my husband, two cats and a dog and yes, I’m very happy.

Have you met your soulmate? I don't believe in those.

If your best friend wanted to cheat on their partner, you would say what? I mean, our marriage would be over.

Who do you know that gives very sound advice? My dad is actually really good with advice, he’s very practical.

At what age did you start to feel like a teen and not a kid anymore? Around 12-13.

What is your parents’ idea of grounding you? I was never grounded.

Do you think art museums are pointless? I mean, they’re not pointless but I would never voluntarily go to one.

Do you care about looks when you’re looking for a romantic partner? To an extent, sure.

How many times have you moved? I have no idea, 5-6 maybe?

Is Christmas stressful? No, but then again, I don’t have kids and I take two weeks off work at Christmas so I don’t really have to worry about much.

Your best friend has a good or bad taste in music? Bad lol.

What would your friends be surprised to see in your music library? I have no idea.

Do you like to talk about the future when in a serious relationship? Yeah, I mean, it’s important to have the same goals.

Do you like public displays of affection? No.

Do you believe in moving in together before engagement or marriage? Yeah, personally I think it’s fucking ridiculous to agree to marry someone that you’ve never even lived with before.

Do you watch mukbangs? No.

Do you have a lot of friends? Do you have a partner? Have you ever had one? No, yes, yes.

Do you currently have any hickeys? From who? No.

Who was the last person to come to your house? Aside from family, it was Helen I think.

Have you ever had sex with the same gender? No.

If you’ve experienced both, is sex better with men or women? ...

Have you ever been the other woman? No.

Would you ever want to be with a virgin? If no, why not? Not at my age, no, because I’d want someone with experience and who has been in a committed sexual relationship before.

Do you constantly find yourself internet stalking your ex? No, last I knew he only had Facebook and I was (rightfully) blocked, but I haven't even tried to look in a very long time. I don't look at Sara's accounts anywhere because I've learned it never, ever serves me any sort of good whatsoever so I just don't.

Are you friends with any of your exes? Not really.

Do you have an addiction? To what? The internet and caffeine.

Blunts, bowls or bongs? None of the above.

When you have a fight with your partner what do you do? We normally give each other some breathing space, then talk it over.

Who does the grocery shopping in your house? We each buy our own stuff.

Are your parents still together? Yeah, they’ve been married almost forty years.

Have any siblings you know of but don’t actually know personally? Technically yes, as my dad was a sperm donor, but I don’t really think of them as my siblings.

Greatest fear? Cancer, dementia and homelessness.

Something most people fear that you do not fear at all? Snakes.

Don’t you hate getting nice & comfy & then having to pee? Hahaha yes, and as soon as I realise I need to pee, I can’t relax or sleep until I get up and go, lol.

Ever faked being pregnant? No.

Ever had a major surgery performed on you? Nope.

Which of the seven deadly sins are you guilty of? Sloth and greed lol.

Do you believe in divorce? Absolutely - why on earth would you make people stay married to someone who makes them miserable? Or even worse, who is abusive?

Is intelligence a turn on for you? Yes, but not necessarily book-smarts - common sense and street smarts are important too.

Who has made the biggest sacrifice for you? My parents.

Do you treat others better or worse than yourself and why? About the same, I suppose.

When you sleep next to someone who usually falls asleep first? Normally the other person, but it does depend how tired I am.

Do you think it is harder for a parent to outlive their child or for their child to outlive them? I think it must be horrendous for a parent to bury their child. Obviously it’s horrendous to lose a parent too, but that’s what’s supposed to happen.

What is one selfish thing you tend to do? Take over the music in the car lol.

What kinds of people do you find intimidating? People who really talkative and socially confident.

Who is the most overbearing person you know? My old manager fell into that category.

How old was the first person you kissed? We were both eleven.

Do you plan on moving out within the next year? No. I have no plans to move anytime soon.

Have you ever slept nude? Yeah, but I much prefer to wear something to bed.

How many stories tall is your dream house? Three.

Do you consider yourself to be promiscuous? No.

Do you have any obscure pets? No, just cats and a dog.

Do you consider yourself politically correct? No. I know it’s increasingly unpopular view, but I do think people are becoming too easily offended.

[obscureglance]

1. Last beverage:
Ice water

2. Last phone call:
Either parents or roommate

3. Last song you listened to:
Easier than Lying by Halsey

4. Last time you cried:
I think yesterday

5. Have you dated someone twice:
I went out tonight with someone I used to talk to. No offense, but the dude is boring.

6. Have you ever been cheated on:
Yep

7. Kissed someone & regretted it:
Probably

8. Have you lost someone special:
A few family members

9. What are your three favorite colors:
Green, Blue, and Purple

10. Met someone who changed you in the past month:
Actually, yes

11. Kissed anyone on your friends list:
Not on here

12. How many kids do you want:
Two at most

13. Do you want any pets:
One dog and one cat

14. Do you want to change your name:
Not legally.

15. What did you do for your last birthday:
Threw a house party

16. What time did you wake up today:
Too early

17. Name something you CANNOT wait for:
To see my friends on Sunday!

18. Last time you saw your mother:
Monday

19. Most visited webpage:
Google

20. Nicknames:
Boobs

21. Relationship status:
Single

22. Zodiac sign:
Virgo

23. Male or female:
A woman

24. Height:
5’2”

25. Do you have a crush on someone:
Yes, but not on anyone worth it

26. Piercings:
Not anymore

27. Tattoos:
Many

28. Strong or Weak:
Strong, but tired

FIRSTS

29. First surgery:
Cholecystectomy

30. First best friend:
Cody or Alissa

31. First sport you joined:
Diving, I believe

32. First vacation:
Oregon

33. First school:
That’s private

34. First pair of trainers:
Like bra? I don’t remember

WHICH IS BETTER

35. Lips or eyes:
Lips

36. Hugs or kisses:
Kisses usually

37. Shorter or taller:
I’ll always be shorter

38. Older or younger:

After the last guy? Older, please

39. Romantic or spontaneous:
Spontaneity is romantic to me

40. Sensitive or loud:
Both

41. Hook-up or relationship:
Relationship

42. Shy or outgoing:
Depends on my mood

HAVE YOU EVER

43. Kissed a stranger:
Yep, he looked like one of The Wayans Bros.

44. Gotten a speeding ticket:
More than one

45. Lost glasses/contacts:
One pair of glasses and MANY contacts lol

46. Sex on first date:
Rarely

47. Broken someone's heart:
Yep

48. Been arrested:
Yes

49. Have you turned someone down:
Of course

50. Fallen for a friend:
Always

51. Moved out of town:
Yes

BELIEVE IN

52. Miracles:
I do

53. Love at first sight:
Lust or a spark, but not love

54. Heaven:
Not specifically

55. Santa Claus:
I wish he were real

56. Kiss on the first date:
Unless it went horridly, absolutely

57. Angels:
In a sense

58. Yourself:
Yes, but I could be better

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY

59. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time:
I don’t think so

60. Been in love with someone you couldn't be with?:
All the time

61. Ever cheated on somebody:
Not since I was a teenager

62. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?:
1973

63. Are you afraid of falling in love:
I’m scared of getting hurt

64. Was your last relationship a mistake?
Last official relationship? No

Last situationship? Maybe

65. Do you miss your last relationship?
I miss my last situationship more than my last relationship

66. Who did you last say “i love you” to?
Probably my dad

67. Have you ever been depressed?
MDD

68. Are you insecure?
Not as much as I used to be

69. How do you want to die?
Whenever I start to have to wear a diaper I hope an angel of mercy k!lls me

70. Do you bite your nails?
I’ve been better about it recently

71. When was your last physical fight?
A few years ago

72. Do you have an attitude?
Notoriously so

73. Twirl or cut your spaghetti?
Twirl

74. Do you tan a lot?
Nope

75. Ever eaten food in a car while someone or you are driving?
Of course

76. Ever made out in a bathroom?
Pretty sure

77. Would you take any of your exes back?
I hope I don’t

78. Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
Just once

79. What are your plans for this weekend?
BBQ and pet sit

80. Do you type fast?
Sometimes

81. Can you spell well?
Not always

82: What are you craving right now?
Praline

83. Have you ever been on a horse?
Yeah, a long time ago

84. Would you live with someone without marrying them?
I have to in order to figure out if they’re my person

85. What’s irritating you right now?
Everything

86. Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurts?
Absolutely

87. Does somebody love you?
Romantically? No one that I know of

88. Have you ever changed clothes in a car?
Who hasn’t?

89. Milk chocolate or white chocolate?
Milk

90. Do you have trust issues?
Yes

91. Longest relationship?
On and off for years

92: Do you believe your most recent ex thinks about you?
I know so

93. Have you ever walked outside in your PJs?
A lot, actually

94. Do you believe everything happens for a reason?
No, not evil

95. Did you have dream last night?
I dream a lot and I love it

96. Have you ever been out of state?
Yep

97. Do you play the Wii?
At friends’ houses when I was younger

98. Do you like Chinese food?
Yes!

99. Are you afraid of the dark?
Only when I’m h!gh

100. Is cheating ever okay?
NO

[dividethesheepy]

late night rant. I’m ok I promise lol

I can’t grasp the idea that I’ll be ever good for someone. Its been about a year and some change now and I’m still haunted by this bs. I gave my everything into that relationship and just feel so used up and neglected and cheated out of years of my life. Like even in a pandemic, bits of me were taken away from me mentality and I held it down. But when it was the other way around I was left in the dust, spent a whole year with my Ex and her new partner. The strength it took not to do anything crazy is frightening. I have too much to lose on top of what I’ve already lost. I know its stupid to dwell on the past but its just hard sometimes. Not everyone goes through the same hardships and people take those hardships differently. Were not all built the same way, so this will be effecting me until I decide for myself my worth and get over my fears. I deserve the best but am I owed the best? No, I got to work harder and get back into life and replace the last 4 wasted years. OK no I wont say they were entirely wasted. I did learn some things and became a better adult but to endure the pain and suffering it wasn’t worth it. That person took a lot more away than they think, or choose to think... fact is they were dumb as rocks when it came to common sense. There’s talent there but they don’t see it and they feed off the person willing to provide that to them. Its stupid to think just because your ex did that to you and you were fine with it and actually enjoyed being in that situation doesn’t me I’m going to give the same mutual feeling. I was crushed, defeated, and imprisoned there were multiple times I could’ve fucked you over but decided against it, and you used it against me. You knew I would never do it, you took the genuine person in me and manipulated it and then when it came to you in the same situation you took the first chance you took. That’s fucked up, and I hope more karma comes your way.

Call it what you want, I am disgruntled, I am envious, I am vengeful, I hold grudges, IDC that’s me, that’s who I am. Doesn’t matter how many times you think you did nothing wrong, and choose to believe that you’re some nice person who cares about your friends. You can keep neglecting all I’ve done for you by putting him on a pedestal like he was your savior. Things you wanted and got vs things I wanted and never got. I still have all the letters you gave me and it hurts reading them because they are all lies to me now. How can one put so much heart into it and then poof do more and present more to the new guy than what you’ve done for me. All fake yooo that’s who you really are. You can choose to believe whatever your little mind tells you but in reality you’re a cold hearted bitch. 

I’m sorry I got to stop looking a social media, small shit really triggers me and look I wrote a lot just now. Had to just relive some steam. I’m playing two people now when it comes to that person. I’m a friend online but in real life you anything, just somebody I use to know... yeah I know Goyte pun lol.

I miss my cat so much too, she got to keep the cat in the divorce... fucking cunt. It sucked too cuz I think she favored her more than me because she spent the most time with her than me cuz I always worked. I always made time that I could provide but it wasn’t enough, she always wanted to be with her even though she neglected her most of the time lol. Now on twitter I just retweet cat photos or videos cuz thats how much I miss that fucking bitch lol.

I’m really a complexed person I would go to bat for someone or ask if they need something or is something is wrong but could never get the same. And I don’t like to ask for that treatment back, I’m very prideful and stubborn but damn my mental be hurting a lot. Like I've never lived alone in my life but since last year it really does feel like I live alone. I’m never here I’m always working I barely see anyone. The one person I actually called and want to call is gone now so its just empty feelings now. It pains me because I feel like I had all that time to actually be with my mom and didn’t grasp it because I made other obligations to others. Now that its reverse she isn’t available and I’ve wasted all that precious time. Its going to hurt for a long time, Christmas was horrible, New Years was devastating, I called my stepdad on his birthday because my mom would always text me to call him and I didn’t get one this year but I remember it clear as day because she never made me forget it lol. 

I miss my mom everyday, and I keep hearing her voice hella randomly and it just hurts that I won’t hear anything else from her. That day was probably the worse day of my life, the pain I endured that day was so heartbreaking. I appreciate everyone I called and comforted me during that dark time. Always take the time to talk to your parents even if you're hella busy you step right the fuck out and you answer that call because you never know if that would be the last time you talk/see them ever again. Cherish every moment because they can just poof.

In the end the only thing I got out of the last 4 years was loss and an estimated 12,000 closet. My dog, My cat, My relationship and my mom all in a year and 55 pairs of shoes because it fills the hole in me from those losses.��

Honestly I feel much better just typing this all out. fuck a diary RETURN OF TUMBLR lol.