#She has a chip on her shoulder lmfao

[obessivedork]

I LOVE doing a "Was always planning on betraying The Brotherhood" Fallout 4 run, it's so funny. Like why yes I did take the collect technical documents quest specifically to hoard them away from TBoS, why yes mister "Elder" Sir I will definitely, totally, inform you when I find a way into the Institute. Lol. Thanks for the power armour and energy weapons, losers 🤪🤙

[joekeeryswife]

Outbreak Day - J.M

a/n: hello angels! reader is 26 and pregnant and Joel is 36. there is a little twist 😵 best way to describe this imagine is that it’s sad, long and has a shitty ending lmfao. okay anyways, enjoy reading 🫶 please send me in some fluffy requests and some dad! joel requests too!!

big trigger warning this imagine is very gory and descriptive!

“Sarah honey, is that you?” you turned to look at the front door and saw your step daughter Sarah coming home from school. “hey mum” she said as she set her backpack down on the floor. “how was school?” you walked toward her and gave her a small hug and a kiss on her forehead.

“was good. got dads watch fixed but everyone acting weird, cops everywhere, shops closing early. i don’t know just weird” she said making your heart pound a little, you didn’t know why but hearing her say that scared you but you tried not to dwell on it too much. “yeah well it’s probably just people being stupid. we shouldn’t worry too much okay?” she nodded but then groaned making you frown.

“dad told the Adlers i’d go over there to help them make cookies” she sighed, it wasn’t that she didn’t like the Adlers it was just she wanted to spend time with you and her dad as it was his birthday. “look, go there for thirty minutes then say i need you home, i don’t mind you blaming me.” she smiled and thanked you.

“i was going to make your dad a cake but we don’t have the ingredients and i was too tired to go food shopping so he should be brining one home, he’s going to be home earlier today as well” her eyes lit up as you spoke “is it a chocolate cake?” she asked watching you nod. “i didn’t tell him it was because you have been craving one i told him it was because i was” Joel hated chocolate cake but for his girls he’d do anything to please them.

“thank you mum, you’re the best. i owe you one” she said as she turned to go out the front door again to the Adlers house. “no worries honey, if Mrs Adler bakes chocolate chip cookies please bring me one, the baby is craving them like mad” you said as you rubbed your growing stomach. she nodded and said her goodbyes before leaving to spend the worst 30 minutes of her life with the Adlers.

-♡-

“hey baby girl. how was school?” Joel asked as he finally got home, four hours later than expected. “you’re late” she said, completely ignoring his question as her eyes shifted from the TV to him. you had both been waiting for him on the sofa watching Harry Potter and you had fallen asleep not even halfway through the movie. being pregnant had made you extremely tired so it wasn’t a shock to Sarah when she saw you put a blanket over yourself and curl up into a ball on the sofa within the first 10 minutes of the movie playing.

“i know, im sorry. work has been crazy, guys calling in sick, it was just me, uncle Tommy and Dave in today. i meant to phone mum but my phone died” he said as he made his way over to the two of you. his heart melted when he saw you sleeping next to Sarah, you’d never looked cuter. “its fine, we had fun without you anyways” he lifted up your feet so he could sit between you both, careful to not wake you up in the process.

“did you at least get the cake?” she said shyly as Joel got comfortable on the sofa. “oh shit” he put his head in his hands “im sorry honey i completely forgot” she nodded, understanding that he obviously came straight home as soon as he finished work. “mum is probably gonna kill you. she wanted cookies earlier from the Adlers but they were making raisin instead of chocolate chip so i didn’t even bother asking if i could bring one home for her” Sarah said and Joel wrapped his arm around her shoulders, his other resting on your legs.

“i’ll get you guys a cake tomorrow, i promise it just completely slipped my mind” she shook her head, indicating that it was fine and she understood he was stressed. Joel felt you stir and you woke up, your hair all over the place and your bones cracking as you stretched from a very good nap. “hi baby” Joel said softly as you looked at him.

he unwrapped his arms from Sarah’s shoulders for a moment so he could give you a hug and a kiss. “i miss you so much” you said as you sat up so you could rest on him instead of the arm of the sofa. “i missed you too. how are you? how’s the baby?” you nodded, still half asleep.

“fine, kicking like crazy” you were only six months pregnant and your unborn daughter was already giving you a hard time. you rested your head on his chest as he wrapped his arms around both you and Sarah, pulling you both into him. “did you bring home the cake?” you asked making him sigh “no, i’m sorry baby, i forgot” you shrugged, eyes closing again as you tried to fight sleep but it was no use.

“i love mum so much but she could have slept through world war 2 and not have been disturbed at all” she said making Joel laugh quietly, trying not to wake you up. to be fair, carrying this baby had knackered you out and he understood that you needed sleep but sometimes you would be halfway through a conversation with him when he got home from work and you’d be falling asleep whilst you were taking. “to be fair, you aren’t wrong there” he ran a hand through your hair gently as he admired you, you were stunning and he loved you so much.

“anyway, let’s try spend some time together tonight, let’s put on a good film, this is shit” Joel said making Sarah scoff and look at him “that is a lie. Harry Potter is the best” he shook his head. “take it back or you work get your present” she said making him gasp. “you wouldn’t dare do that” he said to her, making her give him the ‘try me’ face which made him quickly change his comment and apologise to her.

she grabbed the box off of the coffee table and handed it to him. he unwrapped his arm from her yet again to try open it with one hand without waking you up. he opened the box and saw his now fixed watched that had been broken for three months. “aww baby that’s so sweet, thank you” he kissed her forehead and tried to put the watch on but failed miserably making Sarah help him put it on. “okay now we can watch your stupid old film dad but don’t expect me to stay awake” she said as they both got comfortable again “i wouldn’t dream of it” he smiled at her.

-♡-

green and blue flashing light woke Sarah up from her sleep. she looked around the room confused, she had somehow ended up in her bedroom and didn’t hear any noise in the house. she sat up as she heard helicopters fly over the house and car alarms go off. she quickly got up calling out for Joel as she walked around the house but she only found you in bed asleep, no sign of Joel.

she felt awful waking you up but she had no other choice. she crept to the side of your bed and shook you awake. “mum, can you wake up please?” you jumped awake when you felt her hand on your shoulder. “what’s the matter sweetheart?” you asked but your question was answered when another helicopter flew over the house. “what the hell?” you said sitting up quickly.

you grabbed your phone which was on the bedside table but there was no service. “what’s happening?” Sarah asked as you quickly got dressed out of your pyjamas. you were going to go outside and you didn’t want your neighbours, if they were awake, to see you in your pyjamas so you put on a tracksuit before walking downstairs. “i don’t know baby”

you turned on the tv and heard the broadcast ‘stay home, do not let anyone into your house. we will post more instructions soon’ you frowned, what the fuck was happening? you checked your phone again, this time trying to phone anyone, your mum, your dad, your brother, Joel and nothing. no calls were going through.

the two of you jumped at the sound of Mercy, the Adlers dog barking at your front door. Sarah quickly put on her shoes and went outside to retrieve the dog and you quickly followed, slipping on your trainers. “Sarah i don’t think we should go outside yet. we should wait for your dad” but she ignored you. she walked outside, bringing Mercy with her to take him back home making you follow after her as quick as you could.

“Sarah please come back inside” you said but the curious girl went inside the Adlers house after she heard a glass breaking. “no Sarah don’t go in there” you sighed, you loved that girl but she did not listen. Sarah was quiet walking into that house, making sure to not make any sudden movements as she did. the noise was coming from the kitchen and she quickly made her way there and almost screamed at the sight infront of her.

you were right behind her, you felt sick to your stomach as you saw Mrs Adlers mum chewing on her daughter’s neck with some sort of fungus growing out of her mouth. your eyes widened and your heart dropped, what the fuck was going on? the once disabled old woman looked up at the two of you and quickly stood up screeching and running after you when you told Sarah to run.

you weren’t as quick as you used to be but you were luckily quick enough the run away from this infected woman, she had fallen over the crinkled carpet giving you enough time to escape. “Sarah we need to get back in the house right now” you shouted as you grabbed her hand and tried to pull her into the house but as you did Joel’s truck pulled up.

“get in the truck right now” Joel shouted at you both, he sounded scared and he was never ever scared. this made you feel even more sick than before. he had a wrench in his hand and he quickly pulled the two of you behind him when the screeching sound approached you again. you all looked at the front door to see the elderly woman fall over the steps of her front porch.

Tommy got out of the car with a huge rifle in his hand making your eyes fill with tears, you were absolutely terrified but you didn’t want to show Sarah that you were scared, if she saw that she would feel even more frightened then she already was. you grabbed ahold of her hand and tried to pull her into the truck but she wouldn’t budge. it was like she was frozen in fear.

the old woman’s head shot up, her eyes were black and she started crawling towards you then she stood up and ran towards Joel and Tommy. “what are we doing Joel” without a second thought Joel cracked the wrench on her head making her fall to the floor. you and Sarah both gasped at what he had just done. Joel was never a violent person and this had shocked you.

he dropped the wrench and they both turned to look at you and Sarah. both of your faces were filled with fear and Joel quickly pulled Sarah into him “you killed her” she said, voice filled with fear “i know baby i’m sorry” he kissed her forehead and looked at you. you couldn’t believe what you just saw. you were confused and scared. “we gotta go” Tommy said making you all quickly get in the car.

you were sat in the back with Sarah who hugged you closely “it’s alright honey, it’ll all be over soon i promise” you whispered and you rubbed your hand up and down her arm, trying to comfort her but also trying to comfort yourself. you could feel the baby kicking vigorously “are you okay y/n? you aren’t hurt are you?” Joel asked as he looked back at the two of you. you just shook your head.

you didn’t know why but all this fear made you wish you were back to being a little kid, wishing that your mum was there to comfort you when you were scared yet now you were the adult comforting your child and you didn’t know if you would ever even see your mum again.

“dad-” Sarah said but Joel quickly cut her off “i don’t know” he said like he knew what she was going to ask him. “they’re saying it’s a virus, some kind of parasite” Tommy added making Joel look at him. “does it come from terrorists?” she asked making Joel repeat himself “we don’t know”

“are we sick?” she asked and this time you answered “no, none of us are sick” Joel nodded “of course not” he sounded mad but you didn’t know what at. “why were they blowing things up?” her eyes were filled with tears as she asked all these questions.

“no idea, there’s no phone, no radio” her eyes darted between Tommy and Joel “how do you know?” she asked, voice laced with concern “what?” Joel looked back at the two of you, cuddled up together with you trying to act your calmest but he knew you, you were freaking out.

“how do you know we aren’t sick?” she was practically crying now. “they’re saying it’s mostly people in the city, that’s why they have the highway blocked off” Tommy said but he was quickly silenced when he drove past a burning house of one of his friends.

“the Adlers would take nana to the city, so that’s why they were sick?” Joel nodded “your right, that’s probably why” his thick texan accent was filled with concern but he tried his best to stay calm. “we are going to be fine, trust me” Tommy said but he sounded unsure of what he had just said.

he drive around the corner and quickly slowed down when he saw a small family. “what are you doing?” Joel asked and Tommy just shook his head “they have a kid Joel” Joel quickly cut him off. “so do we, are you forgetting that my wife is pregnant?”

“Joel Tommy is right, they have a kid we should help them” he turned back to you “no, we don’t know them. keep driving Tommy” he’d never spoken this was before and this was definitely not the Joel you knew. you just prayed that whatever this is would go away and you could go back to your normal lives.

-♡-

you were driving through the town, planes flying low, catastrophe everywhere and you were just scared. “right keep going down this way” Joel said as Tommy drove down a side road leading to a whole group of people who were fighting and running away from the danger. “keep driving Tommy” Joel said even though there were people everywhere.

“are you kidding? Joel i can’t just drive through a whole group of people” Joel cut him off shouting “just keep going damn it” cars were crashing into each other, the sounds of people screaming made your eyes fill with tears. the next thing you knew the cinema doors cracked open with a lot more people coming out of it, all of them crying.

“shit” Tommy said as he quickly stoped the car “go go, fuck Tommy go get out of here” Joel said as he looked behind him out of the truck and slammed his hand on the dashboard “i’m going, i’m going” Tommy started reversing back, careful to not hit anyone in the process.

Sarah looked out the back window and so did you, seeing the huge airplane falling rapidly toward the floor. “Tommy, you need get out of here” you shouted as the plane darted toward you. “fuck Tommy go now” Joel shouted but it was too late, the huge plane crashed on the ground exploding into a million pieces.

the huge flame almost blinded you, you felt sickened at the thought of all those people on the plane that didn’t even stand a chance. “oh shit” you heard Sarah say as a huge chunk of the plane crashed into you car and then your whole world went black.

-♡-

“y/n” you felt someone’s hand on your shoulder as you awoke from the darkness “y/n honey we need to get you out, can you get out slowly for me angel?” Joel’s soft voice filled your mind as you sat up, a sharp shooting pain went right through your stomach making you groan. “my stomach is killing me” you said as you put a hand on your belly. you looked out the window and saw Sarah sitting on the floor and Joel crouching next to where you were sitting.

“don’t panic, it’s probably nothing okay?” Joel’s heart dropped when he heard you say that, a pain in your stomach was never a good sign especially when you are pregnant. “can you get out sweetheart? or do you need help?” you just nodded and started making your way out of the car.

once you had gotten out of the car you stood next to Sarah and saw Tommy was on the opposite side “we gotta get off of the street” he said as you stood up right, you right hand still back on your stomach hoping to feel any sign of movement. “Sarah can’t walk, i’ll have to carry her. do you think you can walk?” you nodded again. “shit” you heard Tommy shout as a police car crashed into Tommys now ruined truck.

the car set alight and you were lucky you even made it out of the car that quick before it crashed otherwise you would have been dead and you wouldn’t have wanted your family to see that. “Tommy” Joel shouted as he tried to see Tommys face through the flames. “i’m okay, head to the river and i’ll meet you there” with a simple nod Joel picked up Sarah and pushed you behind him.

“stay close okay?” he gave you a quick kiss before you both started making your way through the side roads trying to find a way to the river. the two of you stopped once you saw a group of bodies with people eating them. “what the fuck” you whispered as you saw this horrific sight in front of you. one of the people shot up, looking at you twitching weirdly.

“go” Joel pushed you in front of him and you both started running through a random cafe. the man chased you, snarling and screeching as he followed. you could hear the man tripping over different things but you didn’t dare look behind you. you could hear Joel comforting Sarah who was now crying as you finally made it outside but you didn’t stop running until a gunshot filled the silent field.

you and Joel both stopped, turning to look back and the now dead body in front of you. “don’t move” you heard someone say next to you as a bright light shone on the three of you. “my daughters hurt her ankle and my wife is pregnant” the man lowered his gun and started talking to his radio “i’ve got three civilians by the river, one of them injured, one pregnant”

you couldn’t make out what the other person was saying but your thoughts were cut short when Sarah spoke up “what about uncle Tommy?” she questioned Joel just shook his head “i’m gonna get you both safe first then i’ll go back for him okay?” she just nodded and you all looked back at the masked man. “yes sir….. yes sir”

he raised his gun “we are not sick” Joel said as the man approached the three of you. “sir, i said we are not sick” with that the masked man shot a round of bullets and Joel heard you and Sarah scream. you all rolled down a small ditch and Joel quickly turned to look at the man who was now approaching him with his gun raised. “i’m sorry” he said but before he could shoot Joel another shot was fired, killing him instantly.

he looked up to see Tommy with his gun raised, he had never been so happy to see his brother in his whole life. “are you okay?” Tommy asked Joel who was just grazed by a bullet and Joel just nodded but Tommys eyes shifted to you who was covered in blood and gasping for air. “oh god” he said making Joel turn around to look at you.

all you could do was feel a throbbing pain in you stomach. Joel quickly got up and ran to you and Tommy made sure Sarah was okay and turned her away from you. he knew Joel wouldn’t want her seeing you like this and it was bad enough he had to see you like this. “no no it’s okay” he could see the blood soaking through your jumper, the once grey colour was now a soaked dark red and it was growing by the second.

“you’re okay, move your hand honey” Joel said once you’d moved your hand, putting pressure on the wound. you cried in pain as you still gasped for air. “i know i know im so sorry sweetheart i am” he said and he pressed harder on the wound to stop it from bleeding out more. you managed to speak through your pain as you grabbed onto Joel’s arm “go” he shook his head.

“go Joel, take” you took a few more deep breaths as you tried to calm yourself down “take Sarah and go” he just shook his head again. “no, i’m not leaving you like this. i can get help and you’re gonna survive this” he said, his eyes filling with tears as he saw your tired but pained expression.

“you know how much i love you, i don’t” you closed your eyes as you breathed deeply again “i don’t want you seeing me like this” you stuttered out. you felt a tear roll down your cheek as you realised what was about to happen to you. “meeting you was the best thing to ever happen to me” you could hear Sarah sobbing next to Tommy and you hated that she was even watching you, laying there covered in blood.

“i’m sorry” he said as he sat down next to you, he took the pressure off of your wound and you were grateful he had given up, there was no way you were going to be able to survive this and you didn’t want to prolong it. you just shook your head at his comment. “don’t-”

you felt pain all over your body but you felt tired, so tired that you wanted to sleep desperately. “i love you, i love Sarah. just take her and run okay?” he had tears now rolling down his cheeks, his bloody hand now stroking your cheek softly. “im not leaving you here on your own” you just smiled at him. you knew he wouldn’t leave but you wanted to save him from the trauma of seeing you go.

“i know” you looked at him and he kissed you, one last for however long he has left on this earth. “i love you so much” you heard him say and with that your eyes closed. he sobbed quietly, you were gone and nothing was ever going to bring you back.

you were carrying his unborn child and he wished he could go back in time and taken the bullet instead of you. you were this ethereal soul who didn’t deserve to die this way and he hated it. he hated it so much. he tried his best to calm himself down as he took your wedding ring off of your finger and put it in his pocket hoping to keep it safe. it wasn’t like someone was going to steal it but he took it off so he could have something with him that was yours.

he kissed your forehead and carefully placed your body back on the floor and turned toward Sarah and Tommy, he had tear stains on his cheeks but his expression was neutral. “let’s go” he said, he was emotionless “dad, we can’t just leave her-” he cut Sarah off “i said let’s go” with that the three of them left and never looked back.

[crushedsweets]

tumblr user crushedsweets i am here to ask you another question about toby nat and nina. if nina was able to convince them into having a sleepover, how do you think it would go. what games would they play? what snacks would they make? who would inevitably wind up passing out on the floor with the other two comfortable on the bed? who would fall asleep first? i love them so much and i love your hcs for them

tumblr user anon i am here to cry because this is the perfect ask.... ok im starting now. this is mostly nina-centric cuz toby and nat are just following along. much more playful type headcanons

ok. ok.

toby would totally let nina and nat stay the night at his cabin if the other proxies were gone, he wouldn't need much convincing cuz nat already stays over a lot and ninas ... sweet enough. but in that case he wouldn't let them do any sleepover type stuff bc 'its my house im not watching twilight' (twilight reminds him of lyra). it wouldnt really be a fun sleepover or anything, but they'd bake cookies or something with nina for sure. prob got high/drunk too

now for more cutesy less edgy stuff...... i will be babygirlifying them all for these hcs... sorry not sorry. not canon to creeped(MAYBE).

BUT she'd definitely have to do more coaxing to get toby to come to her apartment. she lives in the city and that's not really his thing, but nat works over there so it's whatever to her.

assuming jeff is gone (only way tobys coming over), nina would be so cute about it. she'd have a blow up mattress set up in the living room, brought several bags of different candies and chips, put up random fairy lights, lit some candles so it smells sweet. her apartment is usually a little messy cuz she's a busy girl but for them . . she cleaned.

i could see nina being a really touchy person, constantly hooking arms with people and hugging them and playing with peoples fingers and stuff. it would take toby and nat forever to get used to it bc its admittedly kinda weird and invades personal space but she's so genuine with it and sweet and like :D theyre like OKAY FINE . so they'd just be walking around doing whatever and nina would pop up grabbing them like 'what r u doing in my kitchen :) the movies still playing :) youre missing the climax :) theres food out there :) youre making me mad :)'. or sitting watching a movie n she dozes off on their shoulder. etc.

nina would be swapping movies between things like 'to all the boys ive ever loved' to like... saw. oddly enough nat and toby are more likely to sit still and watch the romcoms just cuz they get invested in the plot ... LMFAO

i cant see nina actually getting them to play any sleepover games, BUT she'd hook up a switch. she'd try to play smth like overcooked with them but they rage too fucking hard and she has to swap to like. a mario game.

ok maybe she could get them to play like 2 rounds of truth or dare or never have i ever.

nat would like sour and hard candy... toby would like chocolate candy and baked stuff.... so nina would get the candy together and make them all bake some brownies.

she'd also make them make normal sugar cookies and try to decorate them but toby would make the ugliest fucking cookie possible and give up and let the girls decorate.

realistically nat and nina would end up on the air mattress and toby on the couch, BUT if they were stuck with just a bed, toby would take the floor. he'd offer cuz he's not about to share a bed with either of them.. but he'd prob wake up with nina on the floor too cuz nat KICKS in her sleep. nina curls up like a cat

nina falls asleep first. toby falls asleep last.

nina would try to convince them to let her do their makeup but toby would get irritated that she'd even ask. .

she'd defintely make them do skincare with her though .. nina uses snail mucin and the other two think she's weird.

the next morning ninas awake first and making pancakes. she walks away to go to the bathroom and gets distracted by washing her face and doing her hair and stuff and burns them so bad it wakes toby up... he comes in and turns off the stove and just waits for her to come back to call her dumb.

nat wakes up last and is so disorientated for like 30 mins after waking up... she just eats the food like a zombie until nina makes her wash her face again and shes up properly.

she'd try to get them to stay as long as possible, but theyre exhausted and as sweet as nina is, she's a bit much . . so they go home LOL. but nina would send them the cutest little "thank u for coming over i had fun i love u guys :3" text the next day and theyll feel kinda bad for leaving.

nina is just such a genuinely nice girl .... she just wants to live the teenage dream well into her 20s because she was um. Um. she behaved in a way. that um. highschool was not the most pleasant. and threw many of her teen years away for Um. a man. of sorts.

[seldaryne]

wip durge/astarion stuff

this has been sitting in my drafts for uh. a While lmao. finally chipping at it again.

anyway watch as astarion experiences the repercussions of making flippant comments when his not-really-a-fling was Not in the mood for it lmfao

Astarion has been waiting for the 'right moment' to say something since they departed Moonrise and made camp. He's quickly realizing that the right moment is probably more of a concept than something that's just going to fall into his lap. The Paladin—Velrith, he mentally corrects, committing her recently decided-upon name to script—isn't exactly the most social member of their group, but she does like to keep herself busy. Oh, he's seen her stop and talk if someone requests her attention, but it's not something she initiates otherwise. Instead, he's sat at the edge of the camp, running a thumb around the rim of a wine bottle he's not actually going to drink out of as he watches her move from chore to chore. Armour cleaning, changing clothes, constructing her tent, replenishing the stock of firewood—she hasn't bothered to slow down once. She is also pointedly ignoring him. He knows it. She hasn't caught his eye once, nor has she really even acknowledged his presence. If she has to walk in his general direction for some reason, there's an uncomfortable amount of space between them in her chosen path. It shouldn't bother him. He hadn't meant to make light of the situation, not really. He knew that the Oath part of being a paladin was important, and something she had to take seriously as a result. But was breaking it truly the end of the world? As far as he could tell, her moral compass hadn't been swayed. Some of her abilities probably shifted, but he couldn't see much of a difference past that. She would have been fine even without begging for forgiveness. There was no reason for her to take the joking comment personally. She had a sense of humour--he'd seen it before, dammit (even if she didn't look like she'd experienced a single emotion in her life by default). So it wasn't his fault that she was upset with him. Or that the first time anyone here had heard her raise her voice had been directed towards him, pained and furious as she left him standing there. It wasn't his fault she made herself so difficult to read. It doesn't matter if we never speak again. She's "honour-bound" to be of righteous service anyway. Not my problem in the slightest. None of the blame for their rift could be placed on his shoulders, he thinks bitterly, and so he had no reason to be bothered by it. But watching as she elects to take her dinner alone in her tent rather than near the warm conversation of the campfire, he's loathed to admit that he is, in fact, quite bothered by it.

[smolwritingchick]

You Did Everything You Could

Author's Note: This is a Marvel related smol brainstorm. Nothing BTS related. It's regarding Jennie's Marvel Character, Arjana! Working on the other requests and random brainstorms too so stay tuned!!

I wrote this years ago regarding her Marvel Character. I like the fact that I took a break from writing and got back into it because my mind has come up with new ideas while rereading and editing. 

This gets a bit angsty so warning here. 

I was thinking Jen's character, Arjana, would be a former member of the Dora Milaje. She'd have a chip on her shoulder and have some sort of rivalry with Okoye. Okoye becoming the leader of the Dora Milaje would be the cause of it. I even thought the reason she was chosen as leader instead of Arjana was because Arjana cracked under pressure during a mission and made a bad call, choosing to disobey an order in the process. The way she'd get scolded and suspended from her duties for a while, and have to see Okoye become leader instead would frustrate her. When back after suspension, she'd try to endure Okoye as a leader while going on missions until it became too much. Fed up, she decided to leave the Dora Milaje and Wakanda to live life in South Korea, settling for Seoul.

So, when I write her scene in Black Panther, I want to write the tension between Okoye and her. T'Challa would still want Arjana to come back to Wakanda but she'll refuse. However, she will still be there to assist him in any way she can while in Seoul. There will be a point when she finally comes back to Wakanda, and Shuri will be happy and request for her to be her guardian since the two are great friends. 

I also thought her character could have a bond with Bucky and become friends with him when he's in Wakanda. She'd be requested to watch him by Shuri, which she'd complain about but does it anyway. Despite not wanting to act like a babysitter, the two end up bonding and have a close friendship while smol feelings start to grow but nothing develops. 

For this smol brainstorm, I would like for her character to deal with Survivor's Guilt during the whole Infinity War and Endgame movies. The reason is that she felt like she failed to protect Shuri and watched her fade to dust in her arms. Traumatizing af...but Captain America finds her and tries to talk some sense into her.

Now when Jennie is told that she would be filming with Chris Evans...her dramatic ass is going to literally faint lmfao.

-------------

Five years after Thanos’ snap, Natasha debriefed with Captain Marvel, Okoye, Rocket, Nebula and Rhodey. After their discussion, Okoye stayed with Rhodey while everyone else signed off.

“Any update on Arjana’s whereabouts?” Okoye asked.

Natasha nodded. “We found her. She was sighted in Japan, recently.”

Okoye sighed out of relief but then shook her head at the thought of her being absent from Wakanda after all these years. 

“That stubborn woman…hiding like a coward. All we want is for her to come home. And for her to get through that thick stubborn skull of hers it is not her fault,”

--------

Arjana laid her back on the couch as she stared up at the ceiling. She managed to find a place in Japan to try to move on and forget about the blip. But dreadful thoughts would creep up on her now and then about Shuri fading away in her arms. How traumatizing it was to watch helplessly the person you've sworn to protect vanish into the air.

A series of knocks were heard at her door and she quickly sat up in alarm. 

She had been extremely careful about not getting tracked. Did Wakanda find her? 

Grabbing one of her sais, she got off the couch and slowly approached the door. And when she looked through the peephole it was Steve Rogers patiently waiting for her on the other side of the door.

Her stomach dropped.

Rogers was the last person she expected to come to see her. Letting out a deep sigh, she contemplated opening the door as she set her sai down on the table.

With a sorrow-filled expression, she slowly opened the door to meet the blue eyes of Steve Rogers as he greeted her with a sad smile. It seemed like he was trying his best to move on too after they failed to stop Thanos.

“Why are you here?” she asked softly.

“It’s nice to see you too, Arjana,” he greeted kindly.

“Sorry…” she shook her head. “I didn’t mean it like that…“

“Don’t worry about it. You’re a hard person to track down,”

“Well, I didn’t want to be found and yet here you are,” she responded dejectedly and let him inside.

"Are you all right?” He asked as he sat at the dining room table.

“I’m gettin’ by. You?”

“Taking it day by day,”

She made her way to the kitchen and grabbed two cups. “Tea?”

“Sure,”

Steve watched as she began to pour hot green tea she made not too long ago into the cups. Arjana looked different. Her hair had gotten longer. He then remembered Bucky had talked about what she would look like with long hair and confidently said it would suit her.

It did.

Usually, she would keep it trimmed and short but this time maybe it was because Bucky had suggested it to her that she decided to try out long hair.

After smiling at the fond memories of Bucky, Steve then thought about the reason why he came here.

“Okoye has been asking about you,” he informed her and watched as her body visibly tensed at the name.

She carefully placed Steve’s cup in front of him and sat across from him at the table.

“…how is she and Wakanda?” she asked.

“She misses you. She asks about you a lot. She felt less uneasy when she found out that you did not vanish. Wakanda is holding up and trying its best to move forward. They need you,”

Arjana felt a pang of guilt set within her as she thought about her home. It was selfish to leave abruptly like that after the blip. She used to be heavily a part of the Dora Milaje many years ago, even before the situation with Thanos but then chose to leave to enjoy life in different ways.

“You haven’t been in Wakanda ever since…that day, right?” Steve’s question interrupted her thinking.

She cringed at the thought. Ever since the effects of Thanos’ snap, Arjana couldn’t stay in Wakanda. Not after she failed to protect Shuri and had to watch her fade to dust. Not after she lost to Corvus Glaive as she tried to watch Shuri’s back. What kind of guardian is that?

After taking a long sip of her tea, ignoring the burning sensation on her tongue, she answered, "That is correct,”

“Why?”

“You know why. I can’t go back there,” she frowned and set her cup down.

"Yes, you can. No one in Wakanda will blame you. It’s not your fault,”

“I still couldn’t protect her. It was my duty and I failed,”

“You did everything you could to protect Shuri,”

“And it wasn’t enough!” she exclaimed with pain in her voice. “Because now she is gone. Faded away. It should have been me,"

"Don't do that to yourself,"

"I can’t even bear to understand how Wakanda is doing right now or what it looks like. I failed...”

“We all failed,” he shook his head.

They sat in silence for a moment, deep in thought.

“All I keep thinking about is that it should have been me. Not her. And not my king. They are both gone. The people we love and care about are gone…never coming back…” she whispered in the last sentence.

“You’re right…the people we love and care about are gone. But not forgotten. I wanted to thank you,”

She stared at him with confusion. “Thank me for what?”

“For taking care of Bucky while he was in Wakanda,”

The sound of his name gave her butterflies as she shook her head, “…that was all Shuri. Not me. She helped him with the brainwashing and everything. Her role was much bigger than mine,“

“You don’t give yourself enough credit, Arjana. The change of scenery and Shuri’s doing helped but also your companionship. You two were close, huh?”

She chuckled sadly as she felt her eyes burn from tears. She then began to wipe the tears away.

“Sorry… every time I think about him I start crying…but yes…we were. During his time in Wakanda, he began opening up to me. Slowly but then as we spent more time together, things flowed naturally. I wasn’t expecting him to do that but he had a lot of trust in me. And I appreciated that. There are just a lot of things I wanted to say to him…and when I spoke to him before he went on the battlefield in Wakanda, perhaps I should have said everything then if I knew all of this was going to happen. I deeply care about him. I just wish I could have told him how much…”

“When we get him back, you can. We are thinking of a plan to try to get everyone back. I want you to be a part of it. We need all the help we can get. And when we do get everyone back, he can tell you the things he has told me,”

“Which are?”

Steve smiled softly. “That is not my place to tell,”

[insectsinsects]

Interestingly, we actually were girls together... When I met Jo I was 18 years and 11 months old, and had just emerged from my house for the first time in 3 months— straight to school in New York. We were shockingly vulnerable in a really simple 101 Writing class. We spent much of our time in cafes and academic buildings dissecting and chipping away at our Didion imitations until we pretended to 'find' some sort of voice at the end of the semester (how timely!). She towered above me, and coaxed a part of me I thought was shut away for good in a house in Oklahoma City. I felt really comfortable. She celebrated my birthday with me after knowing me for a week. We'd speed through SoHo, two of my strides to one of hers, and I always thought she looked cool with a cigarette in hand though it wasn't anything I was smoking at the time. Her suitcase remained empty with 20 minutes till departure, and we barely missed a bus down to DC. She got us new tickets and against her stature leaned all the way down onto my shoulder for the 5-hour ride, and we split at Union Station. She went off to visit a friend at some DC school and I was seeing family. We reconnected at the end of the week, where those cheap buses meet up, and went back home to New York.

When we were sent home, we sent letters across the Midwest in riveting exchanges between Oklahoma and Illinois. We scrawled bits of forgotten writing projects onto paper and wrote to each other often. Radio silence for a while, and we were back nine months later. She was living with her best friend at the time. It wasn't me. Their sublease was really gorgeous. The energy was funny. They stopped being friends after the lease ran out. I last saw her on my 21st birthday in Tompkins with a slice of cheesecake. Late as usual.

Two years of radio silence. I texted her for some reason in April 2023 and we chatted briefly. Nothing again. She's always been in New York, though. I knew her face really well. I superimposed it onto strangers in the crowd. I knew she was here, somewhere.

That summer I felt another friendship dying. I went home exhausted and sweaty and annoyed. No seats on the subway but a space near a familiar face. I was glad she recognized me. I was afraid she wouldn't. She was to transfer at one stop. I told her I'd be on the train for another hour getting to the outer reaches of Queens. "Safe travels," and I let the subway car population dwindle before weeping. Nothing again. Maybe I was afraid to reach out myself because I didn't have anything to say (<- symptom of being frozen by anxiety for 2 years).

And then something this past week. I waited 12 minutes to reply. I missed the person I used to be so severely and was deadly curious about her. I was embarrassed about our run-in on the train. I sweat so badly I had pit stains on a plain, over-sized shirt (symbolism) and she was in business casual workwear. It felt awfully on-the-nose about my perception of my own life and disappointment in myself. I didn't text her because I didn't want to think about it. But she texted me. Our old writing professor from that very class where we met mentioned me, thus prompting the text. She told me on the phone that she thinks often about a thing I used to say (an Andrea original?!) about Jaywalking with the new mothers because no car would run over a baby in a stroller (😭). A saying which attaches a smile to every crosswalk. And remember she's been in New York this entire time. Couldn't help but cry about it. She regaled me on everything. Seems we've been lonely the same past 6 months. I wish we had each other then. I wish she could've seen the joyful moments. I actually don't know if you'd like her, and I think Winnie has a thing about Jo 'cause she unfollowed her on IG a while back (we were all in that same writing class and we are all deeply unwell lmfao⚠️) but I do consider her a great influence on the Andrea you ended up meeting two years ago, if that's worth something at all. At the very least it'd be funny? I'll make it happen. She's in Bushwick now actually.

Anyway everything's a missed bus to DC and every good thing in life is being that uncomfortable shoulder to lean down and cry on. Likewise, the security I felt knowing she could always casually pick things back up and move forward is something that could pull me out of the tar pit. We have suffered apart and alone long enough.

[kuroosdarling]

CHAPTER 1 : Manhunt

⊹ ‎♡‧₊˚ ꒰ CONTENTS ꒱ : explicit language, alcohol use + mentions, trespassing (?)

⊹ ‎♡‧₊˚ ꒰ WC ꒱ : 3.4k

⊹ ‎♡‧₊˚ ꒰ SYNOPSIS ꒱ : the last semester of your last year has officially begun and what better way to cope then to get drunk and play manhunt with your best friends ? reunions together had always been sweet but this time you can’t help but feel a shift in the air.

m.list

a/n: she’s here. lmfao thank u nesi for helping me with the edits for this fic !! i’m so excited to share this <3 enjoy !

The night air was chilly as it brushed past you, kissing your skin through the holes in your too-thin sweater that you thought was going to keep you warm enough for your late night adventure. But it was all too exhilarating to care. Maybe it was the drinks you had earlier or maybe it was the fact you were back with your favorite people, but everything felt right in the world.

It was the start of the last semester of your last year. Thoughts and fears swirled around your head, amplified by your nerves and excitement for the months to come. The last year with the place that you called home was coming to a close. You weren’t sure what was lying on the not so distant horizon; part of you was too scared to find out. But, those were obstacles you could face later. And knowing that you were going to face them with some of your most favorite people in the world, settled the nerves that threatened to fire off in your stomach – smoothing it over and extinguishing the flames.

The first night back always called for celebration. It was hard not to, everyone was always so eager to get back together. Even though you guys did a pretty good job staying in contact over the holiday break, nothing beat this.

“Y/N! Hurry up! I’m not going to be waiting around for you all day.” Eren shouted, climbing up the steps that led to the largest building on campus, turning his body so he could face your direction as he called out to you. The rest of the group was around him, taking a seat close together somewhere on the steps, while Eren stood, impatiently waiting for you.

“Alright! I’m coming. No need to have a tantrum, damn.” You make your way over to him, seating yourself next to Jean. Eren rolled his eyes and sat next to you, bumping his knee against yours.

The large steps were cold as you sat down in between the two men. Anytime they were too close to one another after a few hours of drinking usually ended up in some sort of fight. One that usually forced you and Mikasa to get involved, dragging them apart from each other – you grabbing onto Jean while Mikasa holds onto Eren.

“Why'd we come here?” Connie groaned, leaning his head on Sasha’s shoulder. Even though Connie was always ready for an adventure, he didn’t prepare well enough this time. Sasha had brought a snack, Eren had brought his little flask, and he didn't think to grab anything. Luckily, you knew him well enough by now.

“Heads up.” You call out, most of the groups attention falling onto you. Connie looks over with a hopeful look in his eye. You toss a fruit roll up you tucked in your pocket, sending it off in the air towards him with a wink. He catches it effortlessly.

“God, I love you. You’re the best, Y/N.” Connie sighs as he unwraps the small package, practically kicking his feet as he giggles.

“I hope you brought some for the rest of the class.” Sasha pouts at you, betrayal swimming in her eyes as she realized you didn’t have one for her.

“You’re literally eating your own snack right now.” Jean easily replies, rolling his eyes.

“Would still be nice to be included.” Sasha mutters under her breath before digging back into her potato chips.

Wordlessly, everyone had taken a moment of silence, each one lost in their own thoughts as the impending doom of the final semester started to take its hold.

“What do you think this semester is going to bring?” Armin asked, the light from the lamppost casting a small shadow over his face. After a few drinks, Armin could never control his facial expressions. Worry coated his features, threatening to consume him whole if someone didn’t step in to help ease his mind. Luckily, your group was pretty good at helping with each others rising anxieties, even if they all felt the same way.

“Hopefully only good things.” You mutter, leaning your head against Eren’s shoulder. He was used to it, normally he was the one you sought out once you had a few drinks. Based purely on the fact he was familiar, growing up with him gave you one of those perks. “I don’t want a repeat of sophomore spring semester.”

That semester had sucked. Almost everyone in the friend group was fighting with one another over something stupid that had happened at a party. It took almost the whole semester for everyone to come back together after that. It was mostly between Jean and Eren, but everyone had decided to take sides at the time. Something the group vowed to never do again.

“Obviously.” Eren scoffed, flicking your forehead. You shoot him a glare as you sit up, dramatically rubbing the spot he assaulted. He gave you a shit-eating grin before something serious washed over his expression, reaching his eyes that made him look as if he was looking far off at something that no one else could see. “I just hope I can make it to graduation.”

“Why wouldn’t you?” Mikasa asked, her intense gaze on Eren. If she looked at you like that, you’d shrink back into yourself. Mikasa was the last person you wanted to piss off. And Eren had a knack for that.

“Dunno.” His shoulders rose in a shrug, his hair following suit before it cascaded back down. “I barely even wanted to come to college so it’s weird I'm almost done.”

“I get that.” Jean agreed. Everyone froze, staring at Jean for openly admitting Eren had a point, especially when Mikasa had already called him out on it. “Okay don’t look at me like that. I get it, to an extent. I don’t really know if I’ll make it to graduation. What’s the point? I want to open up my own shop anyway.”

“It’s good to have a degree regardless, even if you don’t end up using it in the field you thought you were going to. Most places just want to see the diploma, they really couldn’t care less about what was on it.” Armin chimed in. He had spent the last 3 years preaching it to the group anytime someone even thought about dropping out. It had saved Jean a few times, and it was ultimately why he switched to being a business major. Even though he loved art, he figured he’d need to learn some tactical skills if he wanted to open up his own shop one day. Besides, he always said he came here because his mom wanted him to.

You grab a hold of Eren's arm — something you mindlessly do whenever you start to zone out. He was used to it by now too, the feeling of your fingers trace along the intricate ink on his arms. You always start from the top, cascading down to the bottom before making your way back up. After a few moments, his skin prickles, something you chalk up to the cold.

“I know, I know.” Jean groaned, running a hand through his hair. His gaze fell onto you for a brief moment before turning onto Armin with a mischievous look. “Listen, how about I take your advice but in return, you finally let me tat you up.”

Connie and Sasha couldn’t hold back the laugh that escaped them. The air was filled with booming chaos, something that usually happened when Jean, Connie, and Sasha shared the same brain cell. As much as Jean tried to tell everyone that he was their unofficial babysitter, it was honestly the equivalent of a teenage boy watching after his younger siblings.

“God, no. Not this again.” Armin’s eyes widened. “I said I didn’t want one just yet. I wanted to wait till graduation.”

“But it’s free.” Jean sang, leaning into Armin’s space as he spoke. “Besides, Annie would think it was hot.”

Armins’ face turned beet red as the rest of the group giggled, save for Mikasa, who opted to smack Jean on the shoulder. It only made Jean laugh louder.

“Alright, enough, enough. Leave the poor guy alone. You really wanna talk about our love lives?” You roll your eyes, staring at everyone who immediately quieted down. Everyone had a complicated love life, except Sasha. She was content with her food and the man who made it for her — Niccolo. Even if they weren’t officially dating, it was pretty obvious they had strong feelings for each other. “That’s what I thought.”

“Damn Y/N, no need to get so personal.” Eren scowled, looking away. Armin’s body sagged with relief as all the attention came off of him. He gave you a small smile.

“You guys were literally targeting Armin. It had to be done.” You smile over at Eren, leaning into him and batting your eyes up at him. “I could make it more personal if you’d like.”

“Fuck off.” His cheeks tinted pink as he crossed his arms, trying his best to look unbothered. You couldn’t help but let out a giggle. Teasing Eren was just too easy. “Let’s just change the subject.”

“Fine.” You pout. Everyone sat in silence together, no one bothering to start a new conversation. “Let’s go inside.”

“Like, back to the house?” Armin asked, getting ready to get up.

“No.” You smile, making eye contact with Connie. Immediately, he knew where your head was at. With a shout, he shot up. Sasha stared at him for a moment before joining him. Jean audibly groaned before getting up too. The rest got up, except for Armin.

“ITS TIME!” Connie shouted, pumped up to “break” into the main building on campus. It wasn’t really breaking in, the doors were left unlock but it was definitely frowned up to enter it after hours. “Okay, let’s make 2 teams. One will be the hunters, and the other will be the hunted. Leaders will be Jean and Eren.”

It had started last year when the group had found out about the doors being unlocked. Everyone had been drinking and practically waiting for some adventure to start. No one can really remember who started it but soon enough, it had turned into one of the biggest games of manhunt yet.

“Should we just keep our usual teams?” Eren asked, looking over at Jean, his eyes glowering, his competitiveness already taking root. It only fired up Jean more.

“Why not.” He said, turning to Connie and Sasha. “But we are flipping a coin for Y/N.”

You couldn’t help but let out a laugh. Usually there was a tug of war between Eren and Jean for your place in this game. Eren always said since you guys were childhood best friends, you stayed with him. but Jean insisted he needed another person as Connie and Sasha practically shared one brain.

“Yeah I want Y/N with me.” Sasha chimed in, throwing her arms around Connie and Jean. “She needs to help me corral these two.”

“Fair enough.” Mikasa agreed, starting to walk the other direction for a team huddle. Eren made a sound of protest before groaning and following her lead, Armin right behind him.

“That was easy.” Connie smirked, looking your way. The pretty gold piercing on his eyebrow catches your eye briefly before you look at him. It always made his eyes pop out more, looking more vibrant than ever. “Looks like you’re stuck with us.”

“Wouldn’t have it any other way, babes.” You smirked back. He reached over to give you a high five, his ring-clad hand colliding with your almost bare hand. The sound echoed slightly before it got caught in the wind.

“On the count of 3, we go hide.” Jean said, rolling his eyes at you and Connie flirting — old habits die hard.

“Deal. Three.” Sasha says, looking past your shoulder to make sure the other team was still planning.

“Two.” Connie says, resting his elbow on Sasha's shoulder.

“One.” Jean said, looking at you with a spark in his eyes.

“Go.” you finish. The game was afoot.

The four of you go inside, booking it in different directions to find the perfect spot to hide in while the other 3 hunted for you guys. The base wasn’t too far from where you guys were, but you knew who you were up against. It wasn’t going to be that easy.

All the hunted had to start on the top floor while the hunters could be anywhere. The group had to not only evade the hunters, but also find their way outside to the steps again — also known as the base.

The building itself was large and it was easy to get lost in. Armin was the only one who actually had classes in this building, so they already had an advantage. He was most likely going to be the one walking through the hallways.

Eren was a wild card. He could either be at the bottom of the main staircase or somehow know exactly where you were. He’d never stay in one place and he was impossible to track.

Mikasa always guarded the doors, it was almost impossible to sneak past her. She was the hardest one to crack. Even if you survived the other two, there’s almost no way you could make it to the base without being caught.

“What’s our plan of attack?” Jean suddenly whispered in your ear, his voice softly wrapping itself around you. With him by your side, you knew you guys had it in the bag. But it was up to the rest of the team to keep it together.

“We need to get to the base. I’m thinking we send out a distraction then book it to safety.” You replied coolly, trying to string along a quick strategy.

“Good thinking. We’ll send the fastest out for the distraction while the rest go. It’s between you and Connie.” He said, brushing his shoulder against yours. “You up for it Y/N?”

“Tell the others to get in position.” You nodded at him before scurrying away towards Eren and the others. As much as you loved Connie, he could get carried away with the distraction. To ensure the win, it was probably best for you to do it, holding the fate of your team in your hands.

“On it.” He nodded, headed for the others. You only had a moment to collect yourself. The best way to get them off their tail is to get them on yours.

You poke your head out the corridor to check your surroundings before loudly taking off towards the stairs.

“Hey!” Armin’s voice rang out. You heard him start chasing you, causing you to squeal out — the prospect of being chased always made you nervous and made you run even faster.

The main staircase gave a clear view to the other floors, but you didn’t have time to check your surroundings as you bounded down them as loudly as you could. Skipping the second floor all together, you skirt down to the first.

Armin was still making his way down before you bolted down one of the hallways. There was no telling where the others were, all you could feel was the buzz of excitement mixing with the alcohol as you made your way through the building. You round a corner and hit something hard before stumbling back.

“Damn, be careful Y/N.” Eren said, helping you steady your footing before he smirks at you. “Looks like i caught you.”

Dread filled you as you realized your blunder. Armin was still after you and Eren had you right where he needed you. You could only hope that Jean could devise a plan to get past Mikasa, your sacrifice couldn’t be meaningless.

Eren heard Armin coming and grabbed your arm, dragging you with him as he sprinted down the hall.

“Where are we going?” You ask, trying to keep in step with him.

“I gotta tell you something.” He replies, trying to open one of the doors in the hallway. He gets one open and pushes you in before following you inside. It was one of the classrooms, the air was still stuffy as it had been closed throughout the break. You whirled around to face him as he shut the door.

“It can't wait until after manhunt? You’re letting your team down by wasting time like this.” You put your hand on your hip, waiting for him to get on with it.

“Don’t care.” he shrugs and stalks towards you. The atmosphere in the room changed, tension filled it, causing your heart rate to pick up, threatening to beat out of your chest. “Haven’t seen you all break.”

“Eren-“ you start, letting him cup your cheek. His finger smooths over your skin and you can’t help but lean into the familiar touch.

“I didn’t get to properly say hello.” He smiles, dipping down and covering your lips with his.

“Well, hi.” You smile, leaning into his touch. His lips are warm against yours, and you can distinctly taste the fruity bitterness from whatever was in his flask.

Anytime you and Eren had an ounce of liquor running through your veins, something like this would happen. It was almost routine at this point, something that was expected. You guys were close, always had been, so it didn’t seem weird. It wasn’t some secret either, no one could really pinpoint you and his relationship and no one has ever bothered to ask.

His kiss grew more desperate as he pushed you up onto the desk, slipping himself in between your legs. You pull away, taking a moment to collect your breath. You’re greeted with his slightly flushed face, his bright eyes looking back at you.

“Missed you.” He kisses you again softly. “Remind me again why you had to move away from Shiganshina?”

“I told you, my parents decided to move. Besides, it’s not like I don't see you.” You roll your eyes, your hands loosely gripping onto his shirt. “But I missed you too.”

“Even my brother asked where you were this year. Everyone’s so used to you being around for the holidays.” You bristle at the mention of his brother before something somber settles in your gut. You loosen your hand and let it fall to the desk you were perched on. “Is this how it’s going to be from now on?”

“No.” The words flew out of your mouth before you had a chance to really think it over. Eren's bright eyes were focused on you, filled with so much hope that you were worried that if you let him down, that beautiful light would dim. “I can't really say, I guess. I don't know what I'm doing after college.”

“Stay.” He whispers, pressing his forehead against you. “At the end of it all, you’re still my best friend and I don't want you going across the country, so far away from me and everyone else.”

“Okay.” you nod, his forehead lifting off of yours. “We’ll figure it out.”

Eren opened his mouth as the words he wanted to say were threatening to spill, but he must’ve decided against it. Instead he held out his hand, waiting for you to take it.

You take it and he guides you through the hallways to get back outside — back towards the steps where the rest of the group were huddled up.

“Told you they were off making out somewhere.” Connie loudly announced.

Your face started to heat up and you swear the tiny snowflakes that were falling were melting the moment they touched your cheek.

“We weren't.” You protest, abruptly letting go of Eren's hand. He snickers as he walks towards Armin, throwing an arm around him as he smiles towards Mikasa.

“Course not.” Eren nods. Connie just rolls his eyes, unimpressed with everyone.

“Next time, I'm doing the distracting.” Connie pushes. “Maybe then we can win.”

“Doubt it. I'll do it.” Sasha says, crossing her arms. “I'll be better for it.”

“It doesn't matter, we’ll never get past Mikasa.” Jean pipes up.

You turn to look at him but he doesn’t meet your eye. Some small part of you deflates and suddenly all the drinks you had throughout the night catch up with you, pushing down on your shoulders and sending you into a drowsy state.

“You alright?” Mikasa asks, quickly coming up to you, lowering her voice so she whispers in your ear. “Did Eren say something?”

“No, no.” You shake your head as if it would clear the thoughts that started to accumulate inside your mind. “I think I'm just tired.”

You watch as the rest of your friends laugh and talk with each other, still riding on the high of the reunion. But you can’t shake the feeling that something is wrong — something isn’t sitting right. Even once you're back at the house and debating on going back to sleep do you notice — Jean still wouldn’t catch your eye.

[nukenai]

The absolute insanity that has been my past 48 hours. I am once again so glad I'm going to a different barn, I at the VERY fucking least need a goddamn break from the insane boarder barn environment. I just can't stand this shit.

This post is long sorry I'm just finally at my wit's end lmfao

My barn friend (S) who is moving to the new place with me told me "oh, "K" said she'd move our horses but she wants to make sure they both load well so message her to set up a time to practice with Rogue"

So I do that and K scolds me like a child for not asking "in person despite having multiple opportunities to do so". I've seen this woman once this month, for like 15 minutes, and have been to the barn three times because of how busy I've been with work and the house. She then asks me to CALL her later bc she ~doesn't like texting~.

So we talk on the phone and she once again says I "didn't ask" (which is literally what I was doing in the fucking text message), and said "you didn't say please, which annoys me". Lady, we're both fucking adults. I'm not a child asking for a candy bar I'm offering to pay you for a service.

She then talks at me for like 15 straight minutes (she's a very talkative person in that scatterbrained way where she steamrolls all conversations and repeats things 45 times, but until this nonsense she's been very nice!!). She told me she's just SO busy because she has a SECOND trip to Europe soon and has to go back to working full time after that (I can't imagine the difficulty of having to work at your job after a second European vacation in one year, truly difficult times). So I tried to placate her by saying I could absolutely find someone else if she didn't want to add stress to her plate. Wouldn't it have been cool if she was just clear about that?

So then she goes on about saying she's for some reason concerned that my horse and my friend's horse will go ballistic in her trailer and destroy it. Because friend's horse is "BIG" (she's a friesian who behaves fine in a trailer) and because Rogue is a mustang. And "mustangs can have chips on their shoulders about things". I've gone on and on about how Rogue is the sweetest and calmest horse in the world, but turns out this lady is a weird horse racist and seems to think mustangs are Genetically Insane and will lose their shit if they do anything. For the record, Rogue is not some recently captured 5 year old stallion. She is 15 years old and has the energy of a slug. What in god's name.

And at the end of all this she's like "set a date and we can figure it out". And like I'm sorry if you're going to have a mental fucking breakdown about putting a horse in your trailer specifically designed for horses, I think I'd rather find someone who doesn't think my 14HH mare in her teens is going to pull the fucking train scene from Spirit Stallion of the Cimarron.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH HORSE PEOPLE I AM SO SICK OF THEM I WANT TO BUY MY OWN FARM AT THIS RATE BUT WITH WHAT MONEY. AAAHHH

I need a break from big barns. From having no privacy and having all my posts in horse groups be stalked. I commented on a post and the next day got a text from the barn manager like I SAW YOU COMMENT ON A POST ARE YOU LEAVING US? I'm so sick of being around wacky racist conservatives who think it's fun to start debates with me because I'm a Young Liberal and I must definitely wanna hear the Gotcha they have prepared about why vaccines are killing people. I want to not have to wade through a swamp and down a steep hill to get my horse from her paddock made of mud. I want to be able to actually get ahold of my goddamn barn owner and not feel guilty for asking things like "why hasn't my horse had hay for 3 days? Oh you're in Florida again? Great". I wanna be able to hire someone to haul my horse LESS THAN TEN MINUTES DOWN THE FUCKING ROAD(!!!!!!) without thinking my fat mustang will DESTROY A TRAILER FROM THE INSIDE!!!

This is why I have like 3 irl horse friends I CANT DEAL WITH THIS SHIT 😭😭 IM SO TIRED I JUST WANT A NORMAL BARN

One petty thing I did was make sure not to apologize for "not saying please" because I am not a child and this woman is not my mother. I was like "Hey K, S said you said you could move our girls at the end of the month, but wanted to set up a time to practice loading! I know you're busy so I can work around your schedule just lemme know what works! Thanks!" and that's apparently insurmountably rude. Okay weirdo.

I hate horse people so much aagsjfelbsodndjdjr

[innocentlittlebunny]

Laura was ready to skewer that Donald knock-off twink at the gas station trying to make her pay for the chips and sunglasses lmao Logan you're really experiencing fatherhood at its best.

Not Laura hurting herself :(((( I feel like both Donald and Logan do have secret self-harm issues (which is true with Logan confirming that he has a special bullet to khs) so for them to find out their daughter does it too must be so heartbreaking :(((

Can't believe they're watching Shane, I just watched that a couple nights ago with my bf what a coincidence also Logan be nice to your daughter challenge NOW

The fact that the henchmen hold open the door for Donald like he's a princess omg you know he's paying them with his own holes. Donald's like don't talk to me you F class bottom to the cashier; he hella mad another twink got Logan's attention instead of him.

Logan watching himself in the comics got me so soft yes be a hero to your daughter NOW.

Lmfao Charles is frying brains in here Donald's face is so funny I can almost feel how bad it is from my migraine 😅 Donnie boy was not ready lmfao the way he stumbles out of the truck like he's been gangbanged to pieces I love it

Didn't expect Charles to be the nagging disappointed mean father to Logan who's so tired of his shit especially now that he's a dad too but it's funny to see Laura clock the tension and act like the precious grandchild who doesn't understand why grandpa is so angry with daddy. That scene with Charles scolding Logan for cursing and Logan being like oh she can't hear a few naughty words but can eviscerate people and Charles being like she can be better and Logan asking "You mean better than me?" And Charles saying "Actually, yes." Man, this family has issues to the roof.

Delicious exposed shoulders and arms sweaty sun-kissed Donal that needs to be bred up by his beastly mate ✔

Laura likes horseys aw. Why do I feel like this nice family inviting them out for dinner was a big mistake..

Laura eating like a little savage and staring at that older boy and experiencing a family dinner is so cute they deserve all the domestic bliss. Logan is such a good son to Charles I wish he could see that too. Laura is so adorable it makes me squeallllll

Also Logan being a country dad fixing pipes helping rope in horses and looking mighty fine in his tank top is 👌 the country daddy to Donald's country mommy vibes. The way he kneed that gun in half got me dripppppin you know that would make Donald wet in his panties too.

Omfg the X24 reveal I was NOT ready for JESUS THAT GOT ME FUCKED UP AYAYAYAYAY

And yeah I knew that poor family would regret inviting them over sigh...

Logan looking at X24 like ME? THAT ME? THE WHA? THE HUH?

Also HELP LAURAAAA not Charles ffs. Why isn't X24 attacking Logan tho? He's just silently fuming at him but walks past.... that's weird.

Those farmers really should have stayed in their lanes oh well kinda had it coming m8

"He only listens to you doc 🙄" um not really how about you throw your pussy in the ring Donald then he'd be at your heel constantly.

I'm sorry Charles I'd care more about you dying if you were nicer to your son Logan 🤷‍♂️

Caliban went out like a G ngl but it's so funny how Donald's days are just clumsily surviving unfortunate events that take out like everyone else around him lol

Logan going ham on X24 was oddly satisfying too even though he was getting his shit wrecked 😂

Also Logan being ready to get killed and looking disappointed when the guy ran out of shots... rest your head on Donald's chest and suck on his tits and maybe you'll calm down.

Logan's driving is a bit questionable but it's very dad-like.

Dr Rice could calm X24 down with some drugs and perhaps ordering Donald over to give him some head too to which Donald would roll his eyes at but do as he's told.

Laura taking Logan's hand as he starts crying over Charles (the closest thing he has to a father) dying got me sobbing don't you dare pull your hand away logan let your daughter comfort you NOW I can't believe he'd rather wreck their car to deal with his emotions than be comforted lmao

LAURA CAN DRIVE???? SHES 11????

Logan being gobsmacked that Laura can talk MAN SHE'S BEEN SCREAMING CRYING YELLING THIS WHOLE TIME OF COURSE SHE CAN TALK

Lmfao Laura is a menace to her poor elderly sickly father this is hilarious 😂

Since I'm sick and can't go to work I'll finally watch Logan (2017) which I know I know I should have done sooner but come on. I'm just a lil guy. Anyway I'll try to live blog it so my mutual don't get copy pasted messages about it constantly but I'm still sick af so if im not coherent... I never was so here we go.

Also thank you so much @satoria98 for sending me a link of it to watch for free love you!!!

[forbidding-souda]

omg i just crawled out of hell istg 😭

this is rin btw.

but i got so sick last week... your girl (feeling feminine lately) had walking pneumonia, a uti, and a week long migraine at the same time. i was suffering 😭

but i am BACK and feeling OKAY. my body still feels like a noodle but at least my pain's gone 😭

have you been alright??? do you have any gossip on hand that you're comfy to tell?? 👀

also remember to take care of yourself and eat and drink and take your meds and all that good stuff, you amazing, beautiful motherfucker :)

DAMN THAT SOUNDS CRAZY ASF..... I'm happy you're feeling better. And I HAVE been taking my meds mwahaha. I was partying like all weekends for the last three weeks and I'd start taking my meds at like wack ass inconsistent times and it was poopoo because it just made my anxiety go out of the roof it was so disabling I hated it.

Gossip below the cut

If you want to hear about gossip I can talk about the lore between me and the scene. Basically I was in the talking stage with this one guy who is in the most popular band and we were like goofy friends / flirting like cray and then one day we both just stopped LMFAO it was just random like I think we were busy or didn't have time to talk tbh i don't remember /srs. And then like a few weeks later my best best friend in the scene was like you won't believe this... I'm dating [him] and sent photos of them together I was like oh my fucking god (and very very many months ago they were like "remember when I said I had a crush on him" and tbh I completely forgot I was like oops). It gets better / worse. So they're like a very happy couple and they're hella cute tbh it's amazing but they keep making jokes about how he's straight dating a bi androgynous girl and I'm like ooohhhhh my god she doesn't know he was just talking to a guy. He never told her we were talking btw. I'm like gosh. It's been five months since they got together and me and her have been hanging out more, especially since her birthday was like two weeks ago... and he was there... and I think it was the first time he's spoken to me since we stopped talking (GoOD, obviously) and it was when my friend wasn't with us. And it freaked me out: I've decided I hate talking to him without my friend there. I was also in line at one of his shows four days ago and he was talking to his friends before walking backstage again and he specifically said hi to me and only me I was like oh my fucking god I'm gonna kill myself.

Anyway at that show ^ me and my husband talked in public for like ? the first time. He's in one of the popular bands. There was a girl following him around like the entire time and it was stressing me out because they went outside for a second but I wasn't about to follow him and they were just smoking I was like word. NO ALSO YOU KNOW WHAT'S FUNNY, a few weeks ago the band members had like a joke conference thing and afterwards I gave the singer of my husbands band a bag of chips bc he was hungry and I was high off my motherfucking ass and I was just standing there as they were talking like :) where it would have been awkward but I was too high to realize IT WAS SO FUNNY. The singer of his band is like lowkey rude but I think that's just because we're acquaintances now and I'm not just like a random fan. The drummer of his band is such a sweetheart he is like the most amazing person ever I hung out with him the most at the birthday party. I've never met the bassist or even hung out with him before he's so mysterious (and my best friend from since middle school has a crush on him so I'm like hmmmmmm).

Also at the birthday party on of the guys from another band was like ??? flirting with me I think ??? he let me finish his cig and shit and when (we were at the beach btw) I laid down on my stomach he was like "your tattoo is so pretty" as if it's not a basic ass tattoo. It's on my shoulder and it's like a classic outline of a old-style clown. We'd also smile at each other and whenever someone would tell a joke he'd look directly at me. Tbh I'm forgetting if there was everything else but. The crazy part about this is it's one of my friends ex so I'm wondering if he's being nice because he's seen us together (which that part is not an assumption, he has seen us together before) ???. Idk I texted her about it and she was like that's weird asf and he was probably flirting with you but I don't want to associate with him and I assured her that she is more important and I'm not gonna do nothing and then five minutes later I was like can I smoke his cigs though and she was like yes I respect that grind. LMFAO he just let me smoke one yesterday.

This isn't gossip it's me gushing but this really attractive friend of mine that I'm taking to shows as if he isn't like a white boy from UC Berkeley and he is such an extrovert he will walk up to random people and introduce himself and talk to them and !!! whenever he did he would tell people about me and bring them over to meet me and when he does he uses she/her on me and I swear to god when I first heard him say that it felt as if sunshine rained down on me. I hope I didn't stare at him with stars in my eyes because that's what it felt like. That's all LOL.

[whaleofatjme1920]

Could you write a scenario for Toby as father? Maybe more on the fluffy side.

Sitting at the Table Having Breakfast

[Ticci Toby X F!Reader]

[Warnings: none]

[AN: Reader is only kinda sorta in this fic? Anyways, enjoy! My favorite Monster High girl is Lagoona this will make sense in the fic.]

“And you’re sure you can handle this?” You say as you twirl your car keys in your hand.

“O-Of course I c-can,” Toby smiles as the sun begins to peak over the horizon. He nods for you to get going. “Y-You’re gonna be l-late,” he says before pressing a kiss to the tip of your nose.

You sigh and pepper kisses to your husband’s face, not wanting to leave him or your little one. She’s only three years old. You were able to spend so much time with her due to working at home, but now, it’s time for you to go back, and that means leaving both Toby and little Marigold. “Okay, okay,” you relent, pressing another kiss to Toby’s lips. “I’ll be thinking of you two the whole day.”

“And us y-you,” he says as he opens the door for you.

You gently caress his face before heading out the door, ready to start back at work after a year of being at home. It’s quite awkward, you must admit.

And that leaves Toby with Marigold, who soon, will be going over to a friend’s house for a playdate. He needs to actually wake up the sleeping princess though.

Quietly, Toby creeps up the stairs to Marigold’s room, ready to get her up for the day only to see her sleepily rubbing her eyes as she begins to sit up in her bed. “Daddy?” She calls out, still yawning and sleepy.

The brown haired man smiles, no, beams, as he lightly knocks on her door. “I’m c-coming in,” he announces.

“Please do,” she says in that adorable little voice. She watches as her father opens her door, smiling and ready to help her get ready. “Where’s mommy?”

“She h-had to g-go back into w-w-work today,” he says as he scoops her up out of bed and places her back onto the floor, watching as she toddles around to her drawers. “So, i-it’s just m-m-me and you t-today.”

Marigold gasps as she opens her drawers up, rummaging for an outfit she knows you would like. She stuffs the clothes in her arms and then marches to the bed, laying them out. “Do you think this is mommy approved?”

“It is v-very mommy a-approved. Should w-w-we send a picture t-to her once y-you’re all dressed?”

Marigold thinks it over for a moment or two before nodding vigorously. “Go get your phone, I will get dressed,” she says in a very serious tone, making Toby bite his lip in how adorable you are.

Toby nods in approval, briefly eyeing his daughter to ensure she’s good to go before heading back to the bedroom to get his phone. By the time he returns, Marigold has dressed herself! He’s proud of her every moment she breathes. “N-Nice job,” he compliments. “Strike a p-pose for me, l-little lady,” he says as Marigold giggles.

She strikes her own little pose, something cute she’s seen you do hundreds of times before, and bursts into a fit of giggles as Toby takes a picture of her.

He sends it to you without a second thought before slipping his phone in his pocket. “B-Breakfast time?”

Marigold nods vigorously once more and begins to rush downstairs, taking her father’s index finger into her small hand and practically dragging him along downstairs to the kitchen. She climbs her way up to her seat and sits down.

“W-What are you thinking f-for breakfast?”

“Something sweet!”

“S-Sweet,” Toby hums. “P-Pancakes with c-c-chocolate chips sound good?” He asks, already reaching for the ingredients. He briefly looks over his shoulder to see her nodding. He gets to work, making sure to put a little cup of fruit and a glass of chocolate milk on the table for her.

For a three year old, Marigold is leagues ahead of everyone else. She’s verbose, and careful, and is just way above her level.

It’s something both you and Toby are immensely proud of.

It doesn’t take too long for Marigold to start talking about her playdate.

“We’re gonna have so much fun,” she rattles off. “She’s my best friend.”

“Y-Your best f-friend? S-So soon?” He hums as he flips the pancakes. They’re almost done. He can hear Marigold feasting on the blueberries.

“Uh-huh!” She beams. “She said we’re gonna be friends forever.”

“A-Are you now?” He chuckles as he puts the chocolate chip pancakes on a plate, carefully depositing them to his daughter who looks up at him with stars in her eyes.

Marigold giggles a yes as her father places the plate in front of her.

Toby sits next to her and cuts the pancakes up into little bite sized pieces for her before reminding her that the food is hot, and for just a moment or so, she’s not speaking, she’s just eating. He’s never seen her so excited to hang out with someone before. She’s been on tons of playdates before. He’s never heard about this girl before, Silvia? Was that it?

“Silvia has Monster High dolls,” Marigold continues after downing some of her chocolate milk.

“Which o-one is your f-f-favorite?” Toby almost hates to admit how well he knows these characters from watching the little movies and promotional materials for them.

“Hmmmm… I like Clawdeen,” she answers thoughtfully. “You?”

“Hands d-down Draculaura.”

Marigold grins, “that’s Silvia’s favorite too.” There’s something behind that angelic gaze, and it makes Toby sigh in that way only parents do when they feel their babies are growing up too fast.

Toby chuckles and ruffles her hair for a moment before feeling a buzz in his pocket. “F-Finish up and w-we’ll head o-over to her p-place, yeah?” He says as Marigold begins to eat even faster. He smiles and pulls his phone out of his pocket.

Reader: oh my goodness, she’s so adorable!! And she dressed herself?? I’m gonna cry-

Reader: literally give her ALL MY LOVE

Toby: already done, though I think we may or may not have some competition

Toby: well, as much as a 3 yo can compete

Reader: What makes you say that???

Toby: Silvia, currently

Reader: hjfgjgjj she’s been going on about that girl for WEEKS

Reader: it’s literally all she ever talks about do you know what it’s like trying to wrangle that girl into bed when she insists the princesses names are Marigold and Silvia

Reader: it is damn near every night

Toby: She has?? What??

Reader: omfg just take her on her playdate and you’ll see

Toby: I-thanks babe

Reader: LMFAO i love you

Toby: love you too

Toby clicks his phone back into sleep mode before gazing at his daughter as she finishes her food. He leans over and presses a kiss to the side of her head. “Love you,” he murmurs as she giggles under her father’s touch.

Marigold ensures she’s done chewing before giggling openly. “Love you too, daddy!” She looks up at him with sweet, doe eyes. “To the moon and back?”

Toby takes a deep breath in and smiles softly, pressing yet another kiss to the crown of her head. “To the moon and back.”

[0risha]

@tsykosim ordered :: a side dish (suna rintarou // song white tee by lil peep) and fluff with a fem poc, she/they

— chef's note :: uhh sim, I really hope you like this lmfao. a part of me doesn't but..... I did enjoy making this. Although, I'm staring to revert back to my lil peep phase now 😞

3 0 0 Follower Event with @matsuzumi (make sure to check Chef Kaze's blog for her works)

"I'm getting on."

"Yeah, whatever," you whisper, the delirium of the night finally seeping into your bones.

Suddenly, you stand up. "Wait, what?" You quickly search for Suna who'd been next to you a couple of seconds ago.

When you see him gone you let out a yelp. Grabbing your bag, you sprint towards the train. Internally, you recite a quick prayer when you see that the doors were still open. "Here," Suna calls out to you, offering his hand. Without a hitch of breath, you latch onto it, eventually stumbling into the warm air of the train.

When you both sit, the first thing you do is send him a glare. "Asshole."

He turns to you with a raised eyebrow. "I told you that I was getting on, didn't I?" With an annoyed grunt, you place your head on his shoulder.

"You could've like... you know?" He mockingly hums for you to continue. "I was literally half asleep, you could've...." You trail off, eyes fluttering shut as your senses are overridden by the scent of Suna's intoxicating but faint cologne.

"I'll wake you up when we get there," he breathes out, your argument long forgotten as he wraps his arm around your waist.

But he doesn't. Instead, he chooses to saddle you on his back while walking to the store. The one you didn't want to go to.

"Stop pouting and get something to eat," Suna grumbles as he places you gently on your feet. Instead, you stand your ground. "Why'd we have to come here." You wave, following behind Suna's figure. "I wanted to go to the big store, not the gas station one."

"Quit acting like a child." Suna turns to you, grabs your hand, and pulls you towards the chip aisle. "They have your favorite." He points, his grayish-yellow eyes fixated on your face.

"They're not my favorite," you scoff. Out of spite, you reach for the bag of corn chips next to your 'favorite'.

"You said that they were like.... last week." He raises a thin eyebrow as you walk away to the slushie station. "People change...Rin." A ghost of a smile touches your lips as you hear him break into a fit of laughter.

After a few seconds pass by, you hear the soft thud of Suna's footsteps as he falls into step with you. "Are you still mad at me?" He asks while grabbing an extra-large cup and filling it with blueberry slush. With a grunt, you push him aside.

He takes a second to observe your actions. "How do you like that?"

"Like what?" you ask with a raised brow. "Mixing your flavors and shit." He feigns a face of disgust. "They taste better alone."

You ponder your answer as you take a gulp. "It's pretty good." You nod. "Taste it for yourself." With a sly grin, you stand on the tip of your toes and cup the underside of his jaw. "Oh?" You roll your eyes at his snake-like grin. "The slushie has you feeling bold, huh?"

"Shut up," you mutter before pulling him into a kiss. When his soft lips encompass yours, you taste the sweetness of his blueberry slush and the slight feel of his cold tongue.

When your air starts to fall short, you attempt to pull away but before you can, he grips your waist and playfully nibbles on your bottom lip.

You feel his lips stretch into a smirk as your hand detaches itself from his jaw to lay flat on his hard chest. Inadvertently, you sigh into the kiss, your body relaxing into his touch as one single thought runs amok through your drunken-hazed mind; Suna.

"Kids!" Abruptly, you push Suna away from you, his low eyes connect with yours as you touch your swollen lips. You avert your gaze and duck your head in embarrassment when the store clerk shoots an accusatory glare at you both. "Instead of seeing you both frolicking around, I'd really like to close my store."

With a quick bow in apology, you and Suna pay for your items and exit the store. You breathe out a puff of air as you open your bag of chips.

After chewing down a handful, you scrunch your nose in disdain. "These are disgusting." You turn to Suna who gives you a disapproving stare.

"You see!" He exclaims while grabbing your hand and trudging towards the train station. "You should've just gotten your favorite ones."

"Yeah, whatever," you sigh wistfully, lips curling into a smirk as you recall past events. You never wanted nights like these to end.

Somehow sensing your somber mood, Suna stops and turns to you. With closed eyes and awkwardly pursed lips, he leans towards you. "My pretty girl." You visibly cringe at the mocking nickname. "If you wanted another kiss.... you could've just said that." He breathes out, biting his lip cockily.

With an irritated scoff, you shove his face away from yours. "You're so annoying."

[vestsfriends]

Live reaction/thoughts to She-Ra Season 5:

thought these were p funny so here ya go

-entrapta does have feelings mkay @ mermista

-catra apologized to entrapta even after she bluntly stated all the horrible shit she did to her,, bless

-Scorpia has electricity POWERS WTF YO

-so?? Does Glimmer?? Like?? Not have her teleportation powers anymore?? Or??

-catra + short hair = a strange feeling

-‘wrong hordedak’ is a precioUS bABy

-frosta is so tiny she is supposed to be 13 now but like,, she still smol af

-Micah being apart of the team,, he’s everyone’s dad now

-she-ra’s upgrade?? God is a woman after all

-does Micah know that Shadow Weaver is Light Spinner or—

-Kyle and Rogelio is canon LETS FUCKIN GO

-if they don’t conclude/answer the biggest question I’ve had the entire series aka “what IS Madam Razz?” then imma riot

-SPINERELLA NOOOOO how fucking long has she had the horde chip on her neck??

-THERES no DOUBT in my mind that the chip in Spinerella is the reason why Netossa was crying in the trailer,,,

-catra’s redemption is awesome- it’s very well written- it’s slow but making good progress

-perfuma and seahawk have had almost zero screen time so far so I hope that changes soon

-even tho there’s clearly gonna be endgame ships— the glitra, slight scorptra, entrapdak, catrapta, glimmadora, glimbow, and scortrapta has been good in new content

-GLIMMER KISSED CATRA ON DA CHEEK FHKSDHJDSDHJDHSHSHS aw

-also bow saying catras sneeze was adorable >>>>

-horde prime is very,, i dunno,, weird? Like he has his polite charade/act goin on and then turns into a strict dictator two seconds later lmao

-Scorpia singing?? My SHIT! SHES SO TALENTED

-I never knew I needed lipstick! Mermista and Peruma until now

-Scorpia stayed behind wtf

-DOUBLEEEEEE TROUBLEEEEE THEY BACK

-THE INTROSSSSSS THEY KEEP CHANGING

-entrapta teaching wrong! Hordak to wink is too pure for this world

-the netossa crying scene showed up :(

-bows DADSSSSSSSSSSS EVERY CHARACTER IS SHOWING UP AGAIN I CRI

-okay but what’s shadow weavers deal?? Why she do dis shit??

-I love aunt casta’s and shadow weavers banter tho lmfao

-catra now has a loyal cat companion

-and now she & her gone

-damN Perfuma rlly has faith in people huh

-horde primes gonna fuck shit up oh no here he comes

-hordak is remembering Entrapta lemme just,,,, :’) “your imperfections are beautiful”

-glimbow rlly out here being more touchy than usual huh

-AWWWWWW BOWS PLAYING A CUTE GUITAR WHILE GLIMMER SLEEPS ON HIS SHOULDER HDJDSJJS and she’s blushing okay 👌

-“take care of her, horde scum” “that’s the plan, sparkles” glitra has been popping bottles this season

-Y’know I still ship bowfuma but like- GLIMBOW CANONNNNN THAT FOREHEAD KISS AND THE “I LOVE YOU”s FUCK IM DYING DHDKDHSHDHDHDSHJD

-MARA JUST SWOOPED IN OUT OF NO WHERE wHAT

-is hordak gonna be the one to tackle horde prime or,, no? Bc him hurting Entrapta is gonna affect hordak for sure

-“you’re worth more than what you give to other people” limme just weep for a sec

-“couldn’t wait to sweep me off my feet?” Jesus seahawk dhdkdjdj also why is this show so good at writing good chemistry for hetero ships like damn

-bows message to Atheria? fuckin stan him taking charge

-SHADOW WEAVER GIVING UP HER LIFE TO SAVE CATRA AND ADORA >>>

-“I’m so proud of you, Catra.” I legit started crying at this

-oml even the staff from drill showed up dhdjdhdhd I missed them since season 1

-hordak really just,, said this whole ass speech about defying his rules and just,, fuckin,, drops horde prime off a cliff LMAOO DAMN

-DID ADORA JUST JUMP INTO THE FUTURE OR SOME SHIT?! catra has a ponytail, Adora looks like a Greek god, and glimmer has even shorter hair oml I’m dead

-bow has a goatee IM

-catra saying “I love you” hit different

-like my main ship is scorptra just bc Scorpia was able to make catra soft/blush a few times lol but canon catradora is p cute- the way they handled the build up was well-written

-“stay” is a reoccurring line in this season

-UPGRADED! SHEILD!

-hey bro- what if,, we were both main characters,, of the same sex,, and we used to beat each other up,, and we kissed,, hey wait bro- don’t stop bro-

-the angle of the kiss reminded me of the Starco one ngl (but that show ended badly so,, eh)

-who knew kissing catra was so powerful that it made your barrette fly right outta yo hair

-ENTRAPTA DOING A SPINNING HUG WITH HORDAK DHDKDHSHS SOFT BABIES

-DAMN SPINTOSSA KISSED LIKE THREE TIMES ON THE MOUTH THIS SEASON WOOHOO

-scorptra hug? That’s all I needed thank you noelle I can die happily

-so ig we’ll never truly know what madam razz is,, oh well. At least she made an appearance

-the last shot with the best friend squad? Fantastic. Great show, great ending.

[glare-gryphon]

Hello:D! I’d like to know more about Horizon Light <3!

Hi sorry Tumblr never told me about this ask!!! I would love to talk about it!

Brief summary for those unfamiliar:

Horizon Light is my take on a Star Wars/Pacific Rim crossover featuring reluctant co-pilots Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker. The pair are assigned to one another after the fall of their respective jaegers. Anakin’s adoptive sister, Ahsoka, is in a coma while Qui-Gon Jinn, Obi-Wan’s partner, was killed by the kaiju that destroyed their jaeger.

Moving forward:

Obi-Wan and Anakin face a lot of internal and external conflicts that are only just starting to get touched on since I obviously haven’t updated in years lmfao.

Obi-Wan blames himself for Qui-Gon’s death and for the string of wounded co-pilots that the PPDC attempted to pair him with in the wake of his recovery. He struggles with depression, addiction, and was mentioned to have made a suicide attempt before the opening of the fic. His guilt is compacted by his conflicts with other pilots within the Ranger corps, especially Yan Dooku and his co-pilot, Ventress.

It hasn’t been touched on in the fic yet, but Dooku mentored Qui-Gon during his academy days and the pair ran several missions together prior to Obi-Wan being formally assigned as Qui-Gon’s co-pilot. He’s taken Qui-Gon’s death much harder than he outwardly displays, turning his grief into misdirected anger at Obi-Wan. There are some older rangers who feel the same, but Dooku is the primary instigator.

Beyond these conflicts, Obi-Wan also carries more than his share of self-doubt. He froze up once in combat, which led to Qui-Gon’s death. He questions his abilities and fears his inaction once again leading to the death of his partner. These fears have left him stalled, his commitment to the cause preventing him from leaving the PPDC while also being unable to move forward with a new partner.

Anakin’s background has been almost entirely untouched upon, but he has a lot going on behind the scenes. Anakin and Ahsoka met as children, and shared the connection of being orphans. They fled the foster system together, and took care of one another until they graduated school and could pursue their dream of joining the PPDC. While Anakin’s passion for technology meant he would have preferred to go into J-Tech, he followed Absoka’s dream into the ranger corps, where they discovered they were drift compatible.

Unbeknownst to Ashoka, Anakin suspects that the pair had a benefactor that greased the wheels of their admittance to the piloting program. Anakin worked the Wall of Life while awaiting Ahsoka’s high school graduation, and over the course of his duties often crossed paths with Sheev Palpatine, a Coruscant politician and one of the project’s most staunch supporters. They’ve maintained a relationship ever since, but the conversations the pair have shared when Anakin has managed some time off-base for their more recent meetings have left him somewhat uncomfortable. Sheev asks a lot of questions about the Kaiju and about the PPDC, which is not in and of itself unusual, but Anakin still finds himself suspicious and defensive when answering. He’s not raised these concerns with anyone, and is afraid of the potential consequences if he cuts off contact with his quiet benefactor.

Perhaps he would be more confident if he had a better safety net, but Anakin’s social connections are few and far between. His humble beginnings and his relationship with Palpatine have left him with a chip on his shoulder that comes out as arrogance and unchecked aggression. He struggles to maintain relationships beyond his familial bond with Ahsoka and their mutual friendship with pilot Rex Fett. He had a brief affair with a PPDC officer as a young ranger, Padme Amidala, but they broke things off as she scaled the ladder and he spent so much time traveling between bases. The suddenness and strength of his connection to Obi-Wan scares him, and has brought to light a lot of questions Anakin has tried to push aside about his sexuality and his identity. He needs a partner to continue forward in the war, but he wasn’t prepared for all of the feelings that would accompany a non-familial drift partner.

To top it all off, Ahsoka remains in a coma in the PPDC medical bay. He visits her often, and hopes that she’ll one day awaken to resume the fight against the kaiju alongside him. The medical staff believe that she will not, and that it would be kinder to Anakin to let her go. Despite claiming the decision to be his, he is very aware of their opinion and feels immense pressure to cave to their will. However, he’s not ready to let go of his hope for his sister.

Obviously, they both have a lot to address and a lot of growing to do. The kaiju threat waits for no man, and the conflict isn’t just at the coastline. Unrest in the cities at the pace of the Wall of Life program’s completion has politicians pushing for funding previously earmarked for the PPDC. Even more sinister is the growing cult of kaiju worshipers creating conflict from within, who believe that the beasts were sent by the gods to purge the planet of the unworthy. With the kaiju growing Jaegers falling, Anakin and Obi-Wan have to learn to work together or die in the process.

I’m happy to answer more questions if you’ve got em! Just drop an ask or pop into my messages 😁

[ginmo]

...This response took me a million years, because there’s so much textbook abuse and mislabeling that I was like where do I even fucking start and how do I come at this. I’m still not happy with my approach but here we go. Sorry. This is going to be long. 

Why do people abuse?

Domestic violence and abuse stem from a desire to gain and maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Abusive people believe they have the right to control and restrict their partners, and they may enjoy the feeling that exerting power gives them. They often believe that their own feelings and needs should be the priority in their relationships, so they use abusive tactics to dismantle equality and make their partners feel less valuable and deserving of respect in the relationship. [x]

Abuse is habitual. Everyone on the planet has either intentionally or unintentionally done an abusive act, emotionally or physically, in one of their relationships at some point in their life, but that doesn’t mean that relationship was abusive or that the pair was mutually abusive.

It’s also not uncommon for an abusive relationship to have a degree of abuse from both parties involved. Many victims will unconsciously do something abusive as an attempt to bring balance to the relationship and gain some control, but those incidents are isolated and not “habitual,” which puts them in the overall victim category. 

In this abusive relationship: 

Jaime is the main victim. Cersei is the main abuser. There’s nothing “mutual” about it.

“lmaoooo Jaime CHOSE to be in this relationship”

I’m aware that GRRM probably intended Jaime to totally jump in 100% by his choice, but that doesn’t change the fact that literally every person in an abusive relationship appears to have chosen to remain in that relationship. Hell, I knew my abuser was abusive before I even got into a relationship with him, but I did it anyway because, man, he was charming and persuasive. He unconsciously used that charm, manipulation, and seduction to keep me hooked while chipping away at my identity. Victims of abuse all have a choice, in theory, but the reality of it is messy, because there’s manipulation at play and a great degree of delusion.

Cersei is guilty of narcissistic abuse. 

It’s perfectly valid to view Cersei as a narcissist. She obviously isn’t diagnosed with anything, but I’m reading her as a textbook narcissist so… let’s play. Before I dive into all the abuse, I’m going to dig into Cersei’s narcissism, because it plays into the interpretation of their dynamic. 

“You can argue, well, does she genuinely love her children, or does she just love them because they’re her children? There’s certainly a great level of narcissism in Cersei. She has an almost sociopathic view of the world and civilization.” (Also look up: malignant narcissism and sociopathy)

GRRM then immediately makes a comparison to Jaime, contrasting their abilities to love. 

“At the same time, what Jaime did is interesting.”

He goes on to describe Jaime’s action of pushing Bran, implying he did it out of genuine love for others (since he used the word genuinely for Cersei and then compared). [x]

“LMAO BUT JAIME IS A NARCISSIST TOO” 

No lmfao. Someone can appear narcissistic at times and swing on that spectrum, but that doesn’t make them a narcissist or show they have “a great level of narcissism.” One of the main defining characteristics of a narcissist is a lack of empathy. I’m not even going to dig up all of the empathy examples, because the above comparison from GRRM should be enough to tell you he isn’t writing Jaime as a narcissist and going that route would take this way off topic. Just… read his chapters lol. You don’t even have to get far into his POVs to see empathy and how his thought process is intentionally written to be different than Cersei’s. 

Anyway, my level of sympathy for Cersei is entirely wrapped around her narcissism. To me, what’s sad here is the idea she can’t experience true intimacy and is completely unaware of it. She loves Jaime, and I truly believe she believes she loves Jaime, but in reality it’s only at the capacity that narcissism allows. 

Narcissistic Abuse: 

“Narcissists don’t really love themselves. Actually, they’re driven by shame. It’s the idealized image of themselves, which they convince themselves they embody, that they admire. But deep down, narcissists feel the gap between the façade they show the world and their shame-based self. They work hard to avoid feeling that shame.

Many of the narcissist’s coping mechanisms are abusive — hence the term, “narcissistic abuse.” [x]

I mean… that’s kinda sad? I feel for her in that sense, but, as the article says, “Abuse is abuse, no matter the abuser’s diagnosis.” 

Needs to Look Like Her

There are several examples of Cersei commenting on his changed appearance and how she doesn’t like it. That isn’t too weird, since people have their own personal preferences and hey, maybe she just doesn't like beards? But no. That’s not the case. She doesn’t like the changes, because it means he looks less like her. It 100% is about Jaime being male Cersei - an extension of herself. 

“Nor did Jaime help her mood when he turned up all in white and still unshaven, to tell her how he meant to keep her son from being poisoned. - AFFC

“his face was thinner, with hollows under his eyes and lines he did not remember. I don’t look as much like Cersei this way. She’ll hate that.” - ASOS

(and lol so tempted to go into how Jaime’s facial hair is symbolic of his identity shift and how that relates to the separation with his twin). 

“Jaime likes looking like Cersei too”

Oh does he? If that’s still so then why isn’t he shaving his beard for her? 

Has he ever been disgusted by her looks? Does he ever look at siblings and get irritated if he thinks they look more alike? When he noticed his change in appearance did he think, “I hate that we look different” or did he think, “Cersei will hate that”...? (Also, when he thinks that he would be Cersei in fucking ASOS - *pre-handchop which is pre-arc-* that’s a laughably obvious set up for the identity aspect of his arc with that belief being destroy, you dense- ...*deep breath* moving on)

I’m sure he romanticized the looks to an extent, but it’s been made clear that it’s far more important to Cersei than it is to him, since she often makes note of his change in appearance. This is even shown in a scene where Cersei is observing Loras and Margaery and getting annoyed that they look more like twins than she and Jaime do. 

For some context, Cersei was watching them dance.

“They could be twins, Cersei thought as she watched them. Ser Loras was a year older than his sister, but they had the same big brown eyes, the same thick brown hair falling in lazy ringlets to their shoulders, the same smooth unblemished skin. A ripe crop of pimples would teach them some humility. Loras was taller and had a few wisps of soft brown fuzz on his face, and Margaery had a woman’s shape, but elsewise they were more alike than she and Jaime. 

That annoyed her too. -AFFC”

Narcissistic abuse includes emotional and physical and is used as an umbrella term for the two when they’re done by a narcissist, therefore slightly changing the context of the abuse. 

I’m not going to pretend that GRRM sat down with a sexual narcissist checklist, created from the hours of research through his dinosaur computer, BUT he clearly is aware of basic narcissistic and abusive dynamics. It’s… really not that hard. And even if you don’t think he consciously did it, her behaviors are still aligned.

“LmAo CeRsEi’S ‘EvIL VaGiNa’ - MiSoGyNiStS!”

…manipulation through sex is an actual fucking thing that’s genderless.

Right lmfao this is going to be long.

“A sexual narcissist is a person who uses sex as a tool to emotionally manipulate their victims to get what they want.”

People admit that she uses sex as a tool to get stuff done, claiming its her form of power in the patriarchy. What they fail to consider is that Cersei does this frequently to Jaime - a person who is meant to be her lover - which… makes him a victim of narcissistic abuse. Don’t believe me? 

I’m going to be using this article to break apart sexual narcissism. If you want more just research. They all pretty much say the same thing, but I chose this one because I prefer the structure. The article breaks examples into categories: 

Sex is used to manipulate/persuade

Excessive focus on physical over emotional

You Exist to Serve the Narcissist’s Needs

Constantly Puts You Down

Reacts Negatively When You Don’t Give Them What They Want

Treats You Poorly / Neglects You After Sex

Infidelity, Violence, and Sexual Addiction  

This whole post has been a nightmare to organize. Tbh most of the examples I’ll use fall under MULTIPLE categories. The scenes are like fucking Russian dolls of abuse. Or like… Abuse Inception. Abuse within abuse within abuse, so I had to just pick and choose which ones to put where. 

Charming and Romantic – But with a Catch 

“Many sexual narcissists can come across as alluring and attractive, especially during the initial stages of a relationship, when they’re trying to win you over. Like a master salesperson, they use charisma to get your attention, flattery to make you feel special, seduction (flirting, gifts, dinners, get-aways, etc.) to lift you off your feet, and persuasion to get you to give them what they want. Some sexual narcissists are very good in bed (at least they think they are), for sex is used as a tool to impress, entrap, and manipulate.

While there’s absolutely nothing wrong inherently with being charming, romantic, and a good lover, the narcissist crafts these traits in order to use others. He or she is not really interested in you, but only what he wants to extract from you (often to fulfill an inner emptiness due to the inability to create true intimacy).”

You can even find some meta that almost word for word says what’s described above, but they erase her doing this to Jaime - her partner- and frame these actions as feminist lol. 

Eel Alley. 

“But,” Jaime said, “there’s Casterly Rock …” 

“Is it a rock you want? Or me?” 

She then starts to seduce him to show him what he can have, to have the scale weigh in her favor. Manipulation through sex.

“He remembered that night as if it were yesterday. They spent it in an old inn on Eel Alley, well away from watchful eyes. Cersei had come to him dressed as a simple serving wench, which somehow excited him all the more. Jaime had never seen her more passionate. Every time he went to sleep, she woke him again. By morning Casterly Rock seemed a small price to pay to be near her always. He gave his consent, and Cersei promised to do the rest.” - AFFC

There's no indication whatsoever that Jaime had any intent to NOT wed and be Lord of Casterly Rock. He wasn’t really into Lysa but he never straight up refused to take on the role he was born into. In fact, he even kinda fancied Catelyn lol.

“Lord Hoster kept me for a fortnight whilst mulling his reply, and sat me beside his daughter Lysa at every meal.” 

“Small wonder you took the white. I’d have done the same.” 

“Oh, Lysa was not so fearsome as all that.” She had been a pretty girl, in truth; dimpled and delicate, with long auburn hair. Timid, though. Prone to tongue-tied silences and fits of giggles, with none of Cersei’s fire. Her older sister had seemed more interesting, though Catelyn was promised to some northern boy, the heir of Winterfell …”

And lol

“but at that age, no girl interested Jaime half so much as Hoster’s famous brother, who had won renown fighting the Ninepenny Kings upon the Stepstones.” - AFFC

He doesn’t even say, “but at that age, no girl interested Jaime so much as Cersei.” No. The Blackfish. Had Catelyn been unbetrothed, it’s not a stretch to think that Jaime would have been entertained by the idea of their betrothal. This was before Cersei seduced him at Eel Alley.

“hE GaVe HiS ConSenT”

Yeah, after she manipulated him through sex LOL. IT’S RIGHT THERE. 

“Jaime always wanted to join the KG!” 

“He had joined the Kingsguard for love, of course”.-ASOS

(HEY! Just like that tall, blonde, “beauty” he’s been hanging out with HHMM)

He wasn’t going to join the KG before Cersei gave him “love,” which is why he was asking about Casterly Rock and talking about Tywin, as if this was an idea he hadn’t thought of before. (Knight and KG are not synonymous). He joined “for love” AFTER she gave him intimacy, showing him what he could have if he agreed to stay by her side forever. 

She even murdered Melara -HER FRIEND- for saying she wanted to marry Jaime one day. She kept trying to rob Jaime of a life outside of her, and yes I use the word “rob,” because it was through narcissistic abuse. She literally turned up the passion and kept waking him up with sex until he gave his consent. 

And “by morning” Casterly Rock was “a small price to pay.” A SMALL PRICE TO PAY. That means it was worth something of value to him and then “by morning,” after she woke him up over and over and over until he agreed, it became a “small price.” 

Also keep in mind that when Cersei was begging Jaime to join the KG to be close to her, she was legitimately crushing hard on Rhaegar not long before... she’s allowed to fantasize about marriage with Rhaegar, but Jaime isn’t allowed to fit his role and marry?

“once she had drawn a picture of herself flying behind Rhaegar on a dragon, her arms wrapped tight about his chest. When Jaime had discovered it she told him it was Queen Alysanne and King Jaehaerys. [...] By night the prince played his silver harp and made her weep. When she had been presented to him, Cersei had almost drowned in the depths of his sad purple eyes. He has been wounded, she recalled thinking, but I will mend his hurt when we are wed. Next to Rhaegar, even her beautiful Jaime had seemed no more than a callow boy. The prince is going to be my husband, she had thought, giddy with excitement, and when the old king dies I’ll be the queen.” -AFFC

Like… fuck… 

Later on, when Jaime is developing into his own being and becoming aware of the bs, the Eel Alley scene is brought up again.

“Cersei.” He spoke slowly, like a man waking from a dream, still wondering where he was. “What hour is it?” 

“The hour of the wolf.” His sister lowered her hood, and made a face. “The drowned wolf, perhaps.” She smiled for him, so sweetly.” 

There’s the use of charm. Normally you could argue that she was honestly happy to see him. But what does she say next and what does he associate with that encounter? 

“Do you remember the first time I came to you like this? It was some dismal inn off Weasel Alley, and I put on servant’s garb to get past Father’s guards.”

 “I remember. It was Eel Alley.” She wants something of me. “Why are you here, at this hour? What would you have of me?” His last word echoed up and down the sept, mememememememememememe, fading to a whisper. For a moment he dared to hope that all she wanted was the comfort of his arms.”

And he wasn’t wrong. She did want something from him. So no. It’s not in his head. 

“Jaime, Kevan has refused me. He will not serve as Hand [...] “You must be Tommen’s Hand.” -AFFC

This time he realizes what she’s doing. Using her outfit, she’s causing a recall to a past manipulative event that worked, exposing her intent, which is why Jaime immediately recognizes it as something she wants from him. This also implies that he now views their encounter at Eel Alley as Cersei wanting something of him since the two encounters were directly associated.

Here’s another moment of manipulation by a sexual narcissist.

“My sister wanted the girl to lose a hand. The old penalty, for striking one of the blood royal. Robert told her she was cruel and mad. They fought for half the night … well, Cersei fought, and Robert drank. Past midnight, the queen summoned me inside.”

Failing to get Robert to side with her and do something, she then summoned Jaime to give him the attention she knows he wants. You see where I’m going here?

“The king was passed out snoring on the Myrish carpet. I asked my sister if she wanted me to carry him to bed. She told me I should carry her to bed, and shrugged out of her robe. I took her on Raymun Darry’s bed after stepping over Robert. If His Grace had woken I would have killed him there and then. He would not have been the first king to die upon my sword … but you know that story, don’t you?” He slashed at a tree branch, shearing it in half. “As I was fucking her, Cersei cried, ‘I want.’ I thought that she meant me, but it was the Stark girl that she wanted, maimed or dead.” The things I do for love. - AFFC

This isn’t Jaime interpreting the incident incorrectly. This is character growth. 

GRRM is speaking through Jaime by destroying the illusion and becoming aware of the reality he has been living. Because the lights are turning on for him, the things I do for love can take on a new meaning here. It’s more like the things I do to earn intimacy. He’s jogging down memory lane and realizing that every time (shown or told about in the books) she approached him she was trying to get something from him or trying to get him to agree with her. There was always a motive apart from a genuine desire to give and receive love, no strings attached. 

Excessive Focus on Physical Over Emotional 

“The sexual narcissist’s style of love-making is often focused on appearance and image, with a keen dislike for flaws and weaknesses from oneself or the partner. The love-making is less about two human beings connecting, and more about measuring up to idealized expectations. Try as the sexual narcissist might at physical grandiosity, there’s inevitably something missing in their performance: genuine human emotions.”

Mm yes.Going back to this as an example:

“his face was thinner, with hollows under his eyes and lines he did not remember. I don’t look as much like Cersei this way. She’ll hate that.” - ASOS

“The Targaryens wed brother to sister for three hundred years, to keep the bloodlines pure. And Jaime and I are more than brother and sister. We are one person in two bodies. We shared a womb together. He came into this world holding my foot, our old maester said. When he is in me, I feel … whole.” - AGOT

“I need you. I need my other half.” He could hear the rain pattering against the windows high above. “You are me, I am you. I need you with me. In me. Please, Jaime. Please.” - AFFC

People use Cersei’s romanticized twin comments as evidence to show that she genuinely loves Jaime. This also can connect to the GRRM quote mentioned above about her genuine love capabilities which can be argued as “lol no”. 

She does not have “genuine human emotions,” because her words and feelings are from a narcissistic desire to be whole through the idea that Jaime is an extension of herself. So… yeah, if she thinks Jaime is herself as a male (“you are me, I am you”), then she’s missing half of her until he’s inside her, making her whole. Her, her, her, her. 

Also, that’s a move to try to strip him of his own identity, his own person, and is a fucking massive red flag that this is how the relationship began. Does he ever try to persuade her to do shit by reminding her that they’re the same person? Like ffs. 

She does this while trying to manipulate him using sex. He’s not listening to her, so she begs him to be inside her. Hey, why not? We’ve seen this work before. 

“Every time he went to sleep, she woke him again. By morning Casterly Rock seemed a small price to pay to be near her always. He gave his consent, and Cersei promised to do the rest.” - ASOS

You Exist to Serve the Narcissist’s Needs. 

“After the initial courtship period during which he or she tries to impress and please, a sexual narcissist may begin to demand that you cater primarily to his own selfish needs. He may expect you to be “on call”

Okay I bolded that “on call” bit, because she does go to him when she wants something, and then gets hella mad when he refuses. But I know some people will use this to be like BuT JaImE TaKeS hEr WhEn He WaNts and like.. Yeah, fair enough, you can make that argument, but… that’s leaving out context. He goes to her because she’s withholding intimacy and only initiates when she wants something from him. I’m going to play devil’s advocate and say it does fit. Remember what I said in the beginning that it’s not uncommon for victims to act in ways that are problematic (hate that word) to try to get back some control? Yeah. Apply this here. His unhealthy response is a reaction to her using intimacy as a tool.

“and satisfy sexual desires at his pleasure, require you to engage in sexual acts which only he enjoys [doesn’t really apply], or demand that you limit your other activities to be more available. Rather than being an individual with your own thoughts, feelings and priorities. The sexual narcissist expects you to exist merely as an extension of his or her wishes. ” 

Cersei resents Jaime for disagreeing with her and thinking on his own. Literally the “you are me” bs and how she gets really angry when he begins to challenge her and goes against her wishes. She views him as someone who needs to cater to her, All he’s doing for her to slap and throw nasty words and cups at him is just... not doing what she asks him to do... his existence in Cersei’s life is simply to cater to her. 

Constantly Puts You Down 

“In order to put up a facade of superiority, and disguise hidden insecurity and inadequacy, some narcissists will constantly put other people down, to boost their own desirability and acceptability. In a sexual relationship, some (but not all) narcissists may also target their partners for ridicule, blame, shame, sarcasm, and overall marginalization. By subjecting the partner to an inferior psychological position, the narcissist is able to exercise a greater degree of dominance and manipulation.” 

I mean… Do I really need to provide examples here? This is actually similar to the next one, so I’m going to put my examples there.

Reacts Negatively When You Don’t Give Them What They Want

“Since many sexual narcissists can't stand disappointment or rejection, they will frequently react negatively when you don’t give them what they want, in the way they want it. Some of the common responses include:

Anger – Tantrum. Negative judgment. Personal attacks. Ridicule.

Passive-Aggression – The cold shoulder. The silent treatment. Withhold of love and affection [which ties in to withholding intimacy examples I provided above]. Sarcasm. Calculated separation.

Emotional Coercion – Blame. Guilt trip. Calling the partner ungrateful. Threaten to withhold love and intimacy (such as it is). Pretend narcissistic victimhood.

None of these responses are those of a mature, reasonable adult. The sexual narcissist, by acting like a petulant child or a bully, hopes the drama and manipulation will hook you back in, so you’ll once again “belong” to him or her.”

Some of this is physical abuse too, so I’m sticking those under here. And yes, slapping counts as physical abuse and it doesn’t matter who the hell does it.

“Rule? I said naught of ruling. I shall rule until my son comes of age.” 

“I don’t know who I pity more,” her brother said. “Tommen, or the Seven Kingdoms.” She slapped him. Jaime’s arm rose to catch the blow, cat-quick … but this cat had a cripple’s stump in place of a right hand. Her fingers left red marks on his cheek. - AFFC

Keep in mind that every time Jaime’s reflex goes to his face to block a blow it’s a sign that this is a behavior he’s used to. Sometimes people use the, “I don’t know who I pity more” line as well for “mutual abuse.” Context and… where’s the lie? Lmao. 

Most of the time he’s being straight with her. Snarky ass? Sure. Abusive? No. Intent is key. She puts him down to shame him and attempts to decrease his self-worth. This is a control move, because she throws cruel words at him when she is unsuccessful in getting what she wants. He sometimes calls her a fool and one time asks if she’s drunk or stupid, because she’s legit spiraling into a paranoia and he’s going wtf lol. He’s not trying to make her dependent on him through the use of his poor language. 

Anyway, back to physical.

Jaime felt his anger rising. “True, Loras does not leer at your teats the way Ser Osmund does, but I hardly think—” 

“Think about this.” Cersei slapped his face. Jaime made no attempt to block the blow. 

“I see I need a thicker beard, to cushion me against my queen’s caresses.” He wanted to rip her gown off and turn her blows to kisses. He’d done it before, back when he had two good hands.”

People love to use this against Jaime. Ffs. He’s literally trying to fucking defend himself from physical abuse by trying to diffuse the situation through sex, turning “blows to kisses.” This is one of those messy situations where it’s a victim trying to gain back control in an unhealthy, arguably abusive way. Does that make them anywhere near “mutually” abusive as if they’re 50/50? LMFAO no.

“Would Your Grace honor her white knight with a dance?” She gave him a withering look. “And have you fumbling at me with that stump? No. I will let you fill my wine cup for me, though. If you think you can manage it without spilling.” - AFFC

She turns him down with her disgust over his missing hand and then allows him to fill her cup I- 

“Get out, I said. I am sick of looking at that ugly stump of yours. Get out!” To speed him on his way, she heaved her wine cup at his head. She missed, but Jaime took the hint.” - AFFC

Alright this big one… 

WST:

“You mustn’t let Father take him from me. Jaime, please. 

“I can talk to him, but he will not listen …” 

“He will if you agree to leave the Kingsguard.” 

“I’m not leaving the Kingsguard.” His sister fought back tears. 

“Jaime, you’re my shining knight. You cannot abandon me when I need you most! He is stealing my son, sending me away … and unless you stop him, Father is going to force me to wed again!” 

Guilt tripping and playing up the loving language. 

Also, off topic, but I just want to point out that it’s funny Cersei came to him in Eel Alley to persuade him to join the KG to be with her. Jaime said they can’t get Tywin’s approval, so then she fucks him all night and he agrees. They played as lovers before that moment, but that was the night that sealed their affair to one another, to remove himself off the market and stay by her side forever. In this scene, she’s coming to him to ask him to LEAVE the KG, knowing Tywin would approve, and when he’s questioning the idea she tries to have sex with him, BUT he refuses her so her plan doesn’t work, making this moment the solid beginning of their downfall lmao. The opposite of Eel Alley. 

“It makes no matter who they wed me to, I want you at my side, I want you in my bed, I want you inside me. Nothing has changed between us.” 

Increasing the level of manipulation through intimacy since her previous persuasive strategy wasn’t working.

“Let me prove it to you.” She pushed up his tunic and began to fumble with the laces of his breeches. Jaime felt himself responding. 

“No,” he said, “not here.” They had never done it in White Sword Tower, much less in the Lord Commander’s chambers. “Cersei, this is not the place.” 

“You took me in the sept. This is no different.”

She drew out his cock and bent her head over it. Jaime pushed her away with the stump of his right hand. “No. Not here, I said.” He forced himself to stand. For an instant he could see confusion in her bright green eyes, and fear as well. Then rage replaced it.

Angry reaction due to refusal of sex. Childish reaction from not getting what she wants which quickly turns into bullying.

Cersei gathered herself together, got to her feet, straightened her skirts. “Was it your hand they hacked off in Harrenhal, or your manhood?” As she shook her head, her hair tumbled around her bare white shoulders. “I was a fool to come. You lacked the courage to avenge Joffrey, why would I think that you’d protect Tommen? Tell me, if the Imp had killed all three of your children, would that have made you wroth?” 

Lol people thinking she was there to hang out with him. She admits to only being in there to ask something of him. “I was a fool to come.” Don’t miss out on the angry, nasty response because she was rejected and couldn’t use her favorite go-to manipulation tactic. 

“You great golden fool. He’s lied to you a thousand times, and so have I.” [...]

“You had best go, Cersei. You’re making me angry.” 

“Oh, an angry cripple. How terrifying.” She laughed. “A pity Lord Tywin Lannister never had a son. I could have been what he wanted, but I lacked the cock. And speaking of such, best tuck yours away, brother. It looks rather sad and small, hanging from your breeches like that.” 

She’s trying to establish superiority by attempting to break him down, using his disability against him and attacking his manhood. 

More?

“Gold? Or silver?” Cersei plucked a hair from beneath his chin and held it up. It was grey. “All the color is draining out of you, brother. You’ve become a ghost of what you were, a pale crippled thing. And so bloodless, always in white.” She flicked the hair away. “I prefer you garbed in crimson and gold.” - AFFC

I mean…I think that’s enough. 

 lol jk 

“Tell him what has happened, and write … write …” 

“Yes, Your Grace?” She licked her lips, shivering. “Come at once. Help me. Save me. I need you now as I have never needed you before. I love you. I love you. I love you. Come at once.” 

“As you command. ‘I love you’ thrice?” 

“Thrice.” She had to reach him. “He will come. I know he will. He must. Jaime is my only hope.” 

“My queen,” said Qyburn, “have you … forgotten? Ser Jaime has no sword hand. If he should champion you and lose …” 

We will leave this world together, as we once came into it. “He will not lose. Not Jaime. Not with my life at stake.” - AFFC

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

SHE

FUCKING

THOUGHT

ABOUT 

HOW TO WORD IT

TO GET HIM TO COME BACK

SHE CONSCIOUSLY, FORMULATED A PLAN TO WRITE “I LOVE YOU” 

SPECIFICALLY THREE TIMES 

TO “REACH HIM.” 

SHE. LITERALLY. ADMITS. TO MANIPULATING HIM. THROUGH EMOTIONS. 

“Come at once,” she said. “Help me. Save me. I need you now as I have never needed you before. I love you. I love you. I love you. Come at once.”

 Vyman was hovering by the door, waiting, and Jaime sensed that Peck was watching too. “Does my lord wish to answer?” the maester asked, after a long silence. A snowflake landed on the letter. As it melted, the ink began to blur. Jaime rolled the parchment up again, as tight as one hand would allow, and handed it to Peck.

 “No,” he said. “Put this in the fire.”-AFFC

And Jaime had so much character growth by that point that IT DIDN’T FUCKING WORK LMAO. Her game isn’t working anymore. And not only is she trying to manipulate him through loving words, she’s also NOT GIVING A FUCK ABOUT HIS LIFE OUTSIDE OF HERSELF, because she’s acknowledging that if she’s going down then she’s taking him with her. T

he loving thing to do would be, “Jaime, I won’t allow you to be my champion. You’re missing your good hand and can’t win. I don’t want to be the one to cause your death.” But Cersei never gave a shit about his life outside of her so... not a shocker. (Also I just lmao that around the same time Cersei is trying to get Jaime to come back for his death sentence, Brienne is out there willing to literally hang by a noose to save him. Great contrast.)

On to Jaime… 

I did a bit of research to see why the fuck people think Jaime is abusive towards Cersei. Almost all of the examples involve their type of sex play, his thoughts (WHAT LMAO), and… not understanding the difference between toxicity and abuse. Abuse is always toxic, but toxicity isn’t always abusive. 

I’ve been in both an abusive and toxic relationship and the difference was that my partner in the toxic one wasn’t trying to establish constant control through various different methods. He wasn’t using me for his own gain or trying to make me feel like garbage about myself. He didn’t become physical when I went against him. In my non-abuse toxic one, we were like each other’s “drug.” Extreme highs and lows, propping each other up on a pedestal, losing ourselves within the relationship by wrapping our happiness around the other. The twins are definitely toxic, mutually, but some of Jaime’s unhealthy behaviors are confused with abuse and, ironically, his more questionable actions stem from Cersei’s abuse on him. 

Quoting this again since it’s like a million pages up:

Why do people abuse?

Domestic violence and abuse stem from a desire to gain and maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Abusive people believe they have the right to control and restrict their partners, and they may enjoy the feeling that exerting power gives them. They often believe that their own feelings and needs should be the priority in their relationships, so they use abusive tactics to dismantle equality and make their partners feel less valuable and deserving of respect in the relationship. [x]

There is a difference between UNHEALTHY/TOXIC and ABUSIVE. 

Don’t come at me about the patriarchy being the reason why Cersei can’t be abusive towards Jaime (yes… I’ve actually seen that hot take). Within their own personal dynamic, Cersei has power over Jaime just by the nature of him being in the KG. She literally uses her position to tell him where to go and what to do, and even oversteps her boundaries sometimes by giving orders for him. 

As stated above, she manipulated him into joining the KG with implied promises of being together always. She then had affairs behind his back, used intimacy to persuade him, and cruelly put him down when he didn’t want to do the things she asked of him. That’s Cersei trying to maintain control of their dynamic. This is a “pattern of behavior” that dates back to at least Eel Alley. 

Unhealthy/Toxic

There isn’t a clear line when a relationship becomes unhealthy or abusive. This means it might be hard to figure out what kind of relationship you’re in. Remember that abuse is all about power and control. An unhealthy relationship might involve a power imbalance, being mean, ignoring boundaries [x]

Unhealthy behaviors can appear to be abusive behaviors, and certain toxic acts can turn into abusive over time, but they’re not the same thing.

For Jaime’s side of the “abuse,” he falls more often into the “unhealthy” category. I’m going to respond to a meta I came across recently.

“Jaime has channelled all his sexual desire into Cersei for most of his life (even thinking “I’ve been too long away from Cersei” when he experiences some arousal upon seeing Brienne naked), and that is not something one partner should put upon another. He judges the attractiveness of other women in reference to Cersei: Brienne, once, and Hildy the sex worker in ADWD. Cersei is a person, not a standard of idealised beauty.”

People twist the entire context to make him appear to be somehow abusive in a situation that actually…. sounds like a victim. Cersei wants that level of devotion from Jaime (and so do some of her stans), which is literally exactly why they don’t think Jaime and Brienne are a love story and why Cersei is like LMAO HER? Jaime would never leave me for that creature! SHE’S UGLY. 

She lived her whole life knowing that Jaime only had eyes for her, and the irony of “not a standard of idealised beauty” is that Cersei wants to be the standard of idealised beauty. He’s not “putting” anything on her. He’s reflecting what she wants and what has been reinforced since childhood. 

Besides that, I don’t see why it’s so wrong for Jaime to think Cersei is the most beautiful woman on the planet lol. And way to miss the entire fucking point, because the point is that YEAH, their entire relationship is superficial. Superficiality is unhealthy to an extent, but it’s not “abusive.” Jaime has only been with one woman his entire life and now he’s finally starting to encounter women away from his sister, so of course he’s going to compare. It’s like if you never left your town but one day decided to venture out into the world outside of it. You’re going to compare the buildings, the culture, etc because your mind is going to be expanding. 

“ Until late in ASoS, he does not value his Kingsguard vows except as they allow him to be close to her. (Again, mutually abusive relationship; Cersei’s actions were vital in getting him into this position where he has nothing but her.)”

HOW IS THIS ABUSIVE ON JAIME’S END? And I already discussed how she manipulated him into that situation with Casterly Rock being something of value to him. 

“Cersei has no meaningful relationships with anyone or anything outside of Jaime and her children. This is bad for both of them. So much of their emotional energy goes into each other, fostering the sense that they are not independent, whole people, and reinforcing the sense that the relationship is the only thing of value in their lives.”

Yeah! It is! And since Jaime is in the KG because Cersei convinced him to join, and she literally murdered her friend because the girl expressed wanting to marry Jaime, I WONDER WHY JAIME HAS NO FUCKING LIFE OUTSIDE OF CERSEI? As for Cersei, she CHOOSES to limit herself to Lannisters. Jaime isn’t forcing her to not have friends what the actual fuck. Cersei murders her friends lmfao. 

This is unhealthy, not abusive, on Jaime’s end. HE isn’t the one “fostering the sense that they are not independent, whole people.” As explained above, CERSEI is the one repeating this over and over, using it to convince him, to control, to attempt to rob him of his identity when he tries to stray. So on Cersei’s end, yeah, that’s abuse.

“For all his idealisation of her and their relationship, Jaime’s trust in Cersei is also a very brittle thing. When Tyrion tells Jaime “she’s been fucking Lancel and Osmund Kettleblack and Moon Boy for all I know,” while still believing Cersei’s declaration that Tyrion has “lied to you a thousand times, and so have I” was “a clumsy attempt to hurt him,” he doesn’t do what someone in a healthy relationship would do, and ask her. Whatever trust he has in her vanishes in two sentences, one about Cersei’s honesty, one about her fidelity.”

And… his… lack of trust was justified anyway? LMAO. He even thinks at some point that Tyrion IS lying. And when he’s away from Cersei in ASOS, he doesn’t imagine her fucking other people while he’s gone, because he trusted her. He genuinely believes that she’s faithful to him (which is precisely why he felt so betrayed). But he also trusts Tyrion, so he went back and forth, wondering wtf was the truth.

AND HOW THE FUCK IS LACK OF TRUST ABUSIVE? This is another case of IT’S UNHEALTHY to have little to no trust in your relationship. Not abusive ffs (!!!)

“Jaime is abusive because he coerces her into sex”

BTW, a person who laughed at me and said this also is a huge twincest shipper which… why… do you… romanticize it and claim their love to be True.. If… you think… he does that?!

Pretty much everyone brings up “sexual coercion.” And you know what? Fair. 

But... Jaime and Cersei are drawn to a messy push-pull sex play. She says no and then “weakley” pushes him away. 

There were soft, wet sounds. Bran realized they were kissing. He watched, wide-eyed and frightened, his breath tight in his throat. The man had a hand down between her legs, and he must have been hurting her there, because the woman started to moan, low in her throat. “Stop it,” she said, “stop it, stop it. Oh, please …” But her voice was low and weak, and she did not push him away. Her hands buried themselves in his hair, his tangled golden hair, and pulled his face down to her breast. -AGOT

This is GRRM trying to clarify that this is their messy sex dynamic. I mean, he has a fucking little kid observe this all “oh hey but she isn’t pushing him away guys! It’s all good, guys! That’s just them!” Like he’s taking down notes. The 4th wall being broken here is almost jarring. 

This sounds a lot like the scene at WF. 

“No,” she said weakly when his lips moved down her neck, “not here. The septons …” 

“The Others can take the septons.” He kissed her again, kissed her silent, kissed her until she moaned. Then he knocked the candles aside and lifted her up onto the Mother’s altar, pushing up her skirts and the silken shift beneath. She pounded on his chest with feeble fists, murmuring about the risk, the danger, about their father, about the septons, about the wrath of gods. He never heard her. He undid his breeches and climbed up and pushed her bare white legs apart. One hand slid up her thigh and underneath her smallclothes. When he tore them away, he saw that her moon’s blood was on her, but it made no difference. “Hurry,” she was whispering now, “quickly, quickly, now, do it now, do me now. Jaime Jaime Jaime.” Her hands helped guide him. “Yes,” Cersei said as he thrust, “my brother, sweet brother, yes, like that, yes, I have you, you’re home now, you’re home now, you’re home.” She kissed his ear and stroked his short bristly hair. Jaime lost himself in her flesh. He could feel Cersei’s heart beating in time with his own, and the wetness of blood and seed where they were joined. - ASOS

In both scenes she’s weakly protesting which implies it’s a form of their sex play, and she’s being turned on by him “taking” her. This depiction of sex was actually really trendy in the media not too long ago, so honestly the sex scenes for this “edgey couple” just exposes his age. That push-pull, yes/no, “he can’t resist me” wasn’t nearly as controversial as it is now. He was literally writing what used to be seen as hot. It obviously did not age well. 

And GRRM never meant for Jaime to be interpreted as a rapist.  

"If the show had retained some of Cersei's dialogue from the books, it might have left a somewhat different impression – but that dialogue was very much shaped by the circumstances of the books, delivered by a woman who is seeing her lover again for the first time after a long while apart during which she feared he was dead. I am not sure it would have worked with the new timeline. That's really all I can say on this issue. The scene was always intended to be disturbing … but I do regret if it has disturbed people for the wrong reasons." [x]

“Jaime thinks of her as a whore”

WHY IS THERE A THOUGHT POLICE? How is it abuse that he thinks a word with zero abusive action attached to it?? And like fuck LMAO Cersei is the one that goes off with the word “whore” quite often, in a misogynistic way. 

What’s even stupider is when Jaime thinks of her as a “whore,” he’s just reciting what Tyrion told him, word for word. The words came from Tyrion, so Tyrion’s words are playing out in his mind.

“Cersei is a lying whore, she’s been fucking Lancel and Osmund Kettleblack and probably Moon Boy for all I know. And I am the monster they all say I am. Yes, I killed your vile son.” - AFFC

Oh, how Tyrion was sniggering.… a lying whore … fucking Lancel and Osmund Kettleblack … - AFFC

And he even removes the whore bit. 

“If so, we might have coaxed the truth from them.” … she’s been fucking Lancel and Osmund Kettleblack and Moon Boy for all I know … - AFFC

Ser Osmund Kettleblack paced beside them in his white enamel plate and white wool cloak. “… she been fucking Lancel and Osmund Kettleblack and Moon Boy for all I know …” - AFFC

Jaime could feel his phantom fingers itching at the sight of him.… fucking Lancel and Osmund Kettleblack and Moon Boy for all I know … - AFFC

Strong and vigorous and handsome, Jaime thought.… she’s been fucking Lancel and Osmund Kettleblack and Moon Boy for all I know … - AFFC

He wanted to kiss her, carry her to her bedchamber, throw her on the bed … she’s been fucking Lancel and Osmund Kettleblack and Moon Boy … - AFFC

That only made her laugh. “We all have secrets, brother,” she replied. … she’s been fucking Lancel and Osmund Kettleblack and Moon Boy for all I know … - AFFC

Now there’s this time where he says, 

Jaime gave a shrug. “My apologies if I mistook you for something you’re not. My little brother has known a hundred whores, I’m sure, but I’ve only ever bedded one.” -ADWD

OMG EVERYONE STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING NOW IT’S TIME TO OFFICIALLY STAMP HIM AS A MISOGYNIST AND THIS AS MUTUAL ABUSE towards someone who isn’t even fucking there and for bitterly thinking of his cheating partner as a whore in a world that throws that word around like it’s candy at a parade. 

Since “whore” in Westeros is more loosely thrown around than it is in our world, the incredibly hurt and angry Jaime thinking she’s a whore for sleeping with multiple people behind his back is not that fucking wild. Do I think that's sexist? Yeah. Do I think it’s healthy? No. Do I think it’s a realistic response that a very hurt person would think, especially in a world where it’s a common term? Absolutely. 

“He dreams about hurting her though so lol he’s clearly violent against her”

(yes I’ve unfortunately seen this a lot)

Hey all... I have a confession to make... 

I dreamed about pushing a certain politician in front of a bus and bashing D&D’s teeth in. I also had a dream where I kicked my sister because she ate my last piece of cheesecake. I’m so sorry. Please lock me up and throw away the key until it’s time for me to be executed. 

Last night he dreamed he’d found her fucking Moon Boy. He’d killed the fool and smashed his sister’s teeth to splinters with his golden hand, just as Gregor Clegane had done to poor Pia. -AFFC

… he DREAMED it. 

PEOPLE ARE FUCKING USING THIS AS EVIDENCE FOR MUTUAL ABUSE BECAUSE HE DREAMED IT.  

You know partly why? Because they THINK he’s going to murder her or harm her, so they’re prematurely calling him abusive and removing literally all the context because... IT HASN’T HAPPENED. They’re essentially accusing a man of doing something before he even does it without even knowing FOR SURE if he’s even going to do it, USING THIS DREAM TO ACCUSE HIM LOL. 

god THIS FUCKING FANDOM I- 

DREAMS. ARE NOT. ABUSE

I’mcryingwhydoIhavetosaythat

Not only is it in a dream, but like, idk, why do you think he’s having those violent dreams? Did she do something to really hurt him so his pain is manifesting in his subconscious as violence? IDK just a wild guess! Maybe he specifically thought about smashing her teeth in, because just previously they were speaking about how Ser Gregor did the same thing to Pia. You know... kinda like me dreaming about angrily pushing my cheating ex down the stairs after I watched a murder mystery documentary where someone was pushed down a flight of stairs. (Oh but my ex was a man, so it’s just viewed as a dream). 

… the cringe of the thought police... 

Yeah. I’m done. I didn’t even dig up all of Cersei’s instances of abuse and this thing is like fucking 20 pages long. So even IF you view Jaime’s thoughts (!!!!) as abusive and IF you believe he was full on coercing or raping her, they still aren’t nearly MUTUALLY abusive, as in 50/50 abuse, and I’m just going to circle back around to what I said in the beginning about the main victims reacting in problematic ways. 

Anyway. I always start these as calm and cool and then end with all caps and a glass of wine to chill me out. All I have left to say about whatever that “mutually abusive” meta was is

[purplesurveys]

1125

survey by nadine07

[..Introductions..]

First Name: Robyn.

Middle Name: I don’t think I’ve shared it on here and I doubt I will.

Last Name: Not providing it either but it starts with a C.

Birthdate: April 21st.

[..First Things First..]

What was the first thing you did after you got up? I rushed to the rooftop so that I could see the sunrise. I also got in the random mood to do a time-lapse of it, but the sun took forrrrrrrr-freaking-ever to come up entirely. I was holding up my phone for like 15 minutes and nothing was happening, so I quit halfway through lol.

What was the name of your first pet? Goldie, because it was a goldfish.

Who was your first big crush? Gabie, I would say.

Where was the first place you drove after you got your license? Chelsea’s 18th birthday dinner was scheduled right after I happened to get my license, and the event took place in a small, quaint little restaurant in Marikina. 

There’s a bit of a funny story here, too – Aaron needed a ride to get there and so I offered to drive him. I picked him up and we were having small talk in the car, and he asked me how long I’ve been driving. I told him that moment was my literal first time driving out and that I just got my license the day before, and he is my first-ever passenger (at that point I’ve never even tried driving solo yet). The horror and immediate distrust on his face was something I will never forget HAHAHA. We got to the place unharmed, but it’s still one of my favorite stories to tell.

Who was your very first friend? It was a kind girl named Kaye back in kindergarten. We were always next to each other in our class lists, so it was inevitable for us to befriend one another. She transferred schools in first grade and I have not seen nor heard from her since.

What was the first thing you ate today? I had another bag of salted egg chips. I’m extremely hooked, lmao.

What was your first job? I work as an associate at a PR agency.

[..Colors..]

Name something red in the room you are in: We have an unopened bottle of wine here on the dining table and there’s still a red ribbon wrapped around it.

Is orange one of your school's team colors? No, neither of my schools had orange as one of its colors.

How many yellow shirts do you own? I can think of 5 tops hanging out in my wardrobe at the moment. Two of them are class shirts from high school; the others were tops I bought when I started getting into mustard yellow.

Name someone you know who drives a green car: I believe Angel, a classmate from high school who also studies in UP, also drives a Mitsubishi Mirage, albeit a lime green one.

Is it a blue sky outside right now? Yes for the most part, but the sun is setting soon so the sky is bound to change into many pretty colors as it usually does at this time of the day.

What is the first thing that pops into your head when I say 'purple'? Barney the dinosaur, and ube.

Are the walls in the room you're in white? Yes, all our walls indoors are white.

Does black make you think of depressing things? Not always, but if used specifically in that context, it definitely helps boosts the mood.

Jewelry: gold or silver? Silverrr, always.

[..Phone Stuff..]

Who is your provider? Nothing you would be familiar with, but I use Globe.

How long have you had your current phone? It’ll be three years this year. It would be nice to upgrade, but I’m also still happy with my current phone so it doesn’t really matter to me.

What did your last text say? The last one that came through that didn’t come from my mobile services provider was from someone in the media. It was his birthday last Friday and I messaged him if he’d like to receive a gift from us, on behalf of one of our clients; he just replied with his confirmation and details.

If you woke up naked next to the last person to call, would it be awkward? Yep and I’d feel like throwing up almost immediately.

Was your last missed call male or female? It was from my mom.

Who is your 10th phone contact? It’s from Jum, who I realize is still listed as Ate Jum on my phone. That’s cute hahaha; I must have gotten her number when we weren’t super close yet. Anyway, she’s been super MIA for like the last two years...basically, ever since she graduated. I believe she has also since moved back to Bicol, so it’s become virtually impossible to see her again. Bums me out and I look forward to the day we somehow end up in the same room once again.

How did you meet them? I met her in my very first journalism major class. I had mixed feelings towards her at first since I found her to be super loud in class, and I initially thought she would only be a one-time classmate and nothing more; but I got to know her more and we even ended up as orgmates, and it turns out she is literally the most hilarious person I know.

Are you related to your 17th phone contact? I have absolutely no clue who it is. I no longer remember what led to it, but Gabie and I swapped the SIM cards in our phones at one point, and for some reason it made me have access to her contacts; the 17th contact on my phone is someone from her list. And since I never hang out in my Contacts app, I’ve never gotten around to deleting those extra numbers I received.

How long have you known your 1st phone contact? Around 6th or 7th grade. I can’t remember the exact grade level she transferred to my school as a new student.

When was the last time you saw them? It’s been at least a year. I remember seeing her on campus very briefly when I was on my way to a certain building for class, while she was walking out of it.

Who is your 4th phone contact? LMAO, again, it’s from her contact list. Said person is one of her older cousins, I believe.

Have you ever kissed that person? No, and that is very weird and uncomfortable to think about.

When was the last time someone drunk dialed/texted/left a voicemail? Andi drunk messaged me a few months ago. November, I think.

[..Friends..]

Who is your #1? No Myspace but I’d say my top best friend is Angela.

How long have you known them? It will be 16 years this year.

Have you ever kissed? Oh my gosh, hell no. It would be like kissing a sister haha. She’s super affectionate and will sometimes kiss my shoulder or cheek, though.

Are you dating this person? No, never did and never desired to.

Do you have nicknames for each other? Not really exclusive to each other, but I call her Anj (and only a few people call her so) and she will occasionally call me Reben or Rolayn, both from past inside jokes.

What is your #2's full name? I am not sharing that, but I refer to them as Andi (you may remember them as Andrew from the past times I’ve mentioned them).

Do they live within 20 minutes of you? If there is zero traffic, I can probably make it to their place within that timeframe, yeah. But realistically, no they don’t.

How did you meet? We initially met in an anti-Marcos protest/rally – I approached they first because they had a wrestling shirt on, heheh – and that’s when I learned we were from the same college. But they rubbed me off the wrong way from our first meeting as they were too extroverted for my liking, and I spent a good chunk of time ignoring him whenever we crossed paths, lmfao. Eventually we were put in the same class at some point, and they even joined my org, and an intensely close friendship started from there.

Could you live with this person? Sure. I think they would never be a boring roommate.

Who is your #3? I’m gonna go with Kate for this one.

Where are they right now? I have no idea. We don’t really catch up with each other’s lives on a regular basis; we have a very chill, low-maintenance friendship.

When is this person's birthday? January 1st.

Has this person ever seen you naked? I don’t think so.

What is your #4's full name? I don’t think I have a 4th-tier best friend haha, but I’m gonna pick Tina.

When did you last see them? Last year, on the last normal day I was able to be on campus. She was set to present one of her projects at a journalism conference that was taking place in campus that day, but I was able to hang out with her for a short time before the event.

Have they ever dated one of your other friends? No. I knew she had a crush on someone from the college, though.

Do you know their favorite movie? I’m not sure about her favorite movie but I do know she loves Adam Sandler. I was never able to figure out if her interest was ironic or genuine but yeah, she enjoys a good number of his works.

[..Randomosity..]

What time is it? 6:20 PM.

Are you supposed to be doing something other than this? I wouldn’t say so. I do have deliverables for work but since it’s the weekend, I’m not thinking about them nor do I have the desire to touch those tasks until Monday.

Do you live on your own or with your parents? I live with my family. Considering my monthly income, it’d be close to impossible to sustain myself in my own place this early in my adult life.

Are you more of a cat or a dog person? Dog, for sure.

Are you allergic to anything? I don’t believe so.

Does your shirt have anything written on it? Yeah, it says “UP Fighting Maroons” styled in a varsity font since that’s the term for our sports team.

Have you ever tie-dyed something? I have, but only back in like Grade 6 when we had to do it for a home ec class. I remember wanting to buy a tie-dye set recently so I could revisit the activity, but I never got around to it.

Who can you always count on to cheer you up? Angela for the most part; but I also don’t want to be too reliant on my friends in this way. Sometimes I simply allow myself to be sad or upset, and sometimes I count on myself to cheer up.

How many places have you been today? I have been nowhere but at home today lol. I’ll be going to BGC tomorrow to have lunch with my godfather and my cousins, though.

Are you a forgiving person? No.

When was the last time you felt let down? Last night when I read the news that the government will be making All Souls’ Day, Christmas Eve, and New Year’s Eve working days this year. I already know I’ll be half-assing my way through those days lmao because whyyyyyyy the fuck would you make people work on family-centric holidays such as those

What is the title of the nearest book to you? There are no books here at the rooftop.

Are you wearing anything that belongs to someone else? Nope.

Can you whistle? Only through my lips. I can’t do the kind of whistle where you put your fingers in your mouth as well.

Do you look more like your mother or your father? My mom.

Are you still in high school? I’m well past that chapter.

Are you the oldest, middle, youngest, or an only child? I’m the eldest.

Has anyone ever told you that you talk in your sleep? No, because I don’t.

How many people have you kissed this year? None.

Is there anyone of the opposite sex you trust fully? Hmm, no one comes to mind.

Are you a night owl or an early bird? More of a night owl.

If you could have an exotic pet, what would it be? No thanks. I’ve never had the desire to have one.

Would you rather go to Brazil for the weekend or Finland for a month? I’d have to go with Finland. I feel like the cultural differences would be a lot more marked, plus the vacation is longer so that is an instant win for me.

[..And Finally..]

Where did you go the last time you drove somewhere? I was driving to the local coffee shop to spend some time with myself, and do a liiiiiiiittle bit of work as well.

Where did you last go out to eat at? Ramen Nagi. I was initially hesitant to show up there and ask for a table for one on a Sunday evening...but it turned out to feel incredibly empowering and freeing. It was definitely awkward at first, but it got a lot easier once I realized literally no one gives a fuck. Or if they did, they didn’t do anything about it and let me mind my own business. That evening was a crucial step in reclaiming my happiness, so I’m glad I made the choice to suck it up and enter the restaurant.

When was the last time you let someone borrow something from you? Last week, when Angela needed our abaca mat as an aesthetic for her grad shoot.

Was your last breakup a bad one? Yes.

What was the last song you listened to? Just checked my Spotify and the current song I have on pause is Descansos by Hayley Williams. 

What was the last movie you watched? Midsommar.

Did your last kiss happen in a public place? Not technically, but it did take place outside of my house so we were outdoors for some neighbors to see.

How did you meet the last person to leave you a comment? It was Andi, and I already explained how we met earlier in this survey.