#She barely has fears
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Comic/Lyna Mendoza belongs to me!
Transformers belongs to Hasbro
Art (C) Me
(One more page left then prologue will be done with and chapter one starts and in the last page someone will finally show up!!)
Please do NOT copy, trace, repost, steal my art or use it for Ai! (If you want to repost my art, give me credit, if not credit, I'll tell you to take it down, or add credit.)
#transformers#transformers fanart#transformers fan comic#maccadams#Comic#Who doesn't love to explore caves random to see what's inside#Lyna loves it#She isn't scared of a little dark#She barely has fears#And no sense of danger
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chewing on big 3 kids being capable of absolutely devastating natural disasters and apocalypse-level outbursts of power.
Percy who creates hurricanes complete with lightning that pummel titans and flooding and whirlpools that can trap god-powered crocodile kaijus. Earthquakes that erupt volcanoes. Hazel who sunk an entire small island entirely on her own with her final breath, against giants and a primordial goddess of the earth.
If Nico dramatically wilts plants and cracks the ground when he's mildly stressed, and disintegrates enemies down to their skeletons with a single touch or rips their souls out of their still-living bodies, and can command armies of the undead, what happens if he tries to cause destruction? Even outside of total zombie apocalypse or insta-killing a crowd, he's shown enough geokinesis to absolutely be capable of the same destruction Percy and Hazel can manifest.
What about Jason? He can control the winds and storms. There's no way he can't create the most destructive tornadoes with casual effort that he can never justify using for the collateral damage they'd cause. With a single thought he can rip up a town and launch the remnants 50 miles out. (Jason in the center of a Dead Man Walking tornado, vortexes responding to his movements like an avatar...)
And what can anyone do to combat it? How can you fight the wind lifting everything you know and love into the sky, or floods sweeping you away, or the ground giving way beneath you? The Big 3 kids are scary because they are forces of nature, and their whims are the only thing preventing you from witnessing that at any given moment.
#pjo#percy jackson#riordanverse#hazel levesque#nico di angelo#jason grace#sorry Thalia and Bianca [pensive emoji] Thalia's probably just with Percy in hurricane-making club#cause she doesnt have the wind powers like Jason has especially cause those are probably specifically an Hera thing#and Bianca never got to show off her elemental powers u_u though she probably has equal geokinesis to her siblings#listen im thinking about Jason and tornadoes mostly okay#the mental image of *that* being how he defeated Krios in parallel to Percy making the hurricane to fight Hyperion#just tearing up half of Saturn's palace and scattering it across the Garden of the Hesperides#and the rest of the legion can barely see what's happening#they just see the tornado in the shape of a person and the shadow of Jason in the center illuminated by lightning#like YEAH maybe the legion would revere and fear him a little bit after that
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She is everything to me.
#im having a hard time today#my anxiety has skyrocketed#i can barely sleep at night#running a buisness is so fucking hard#im always stressed about finances clients training plans marketing and everything else#then my girl my heart and soul is aging#E called her an older girl yesterday and something in me broke more#she is slowing down and i think the arthritis in her elbows is more consistently bothering her#she is getting more anxious and fearful#and i feel like the part of my heart that she holds is already mourning its terrified#she is healthy#she is happy#yet she has this weird tuft of fur on her side that is unlike the rest of her coat#is it old dog coat that won't shed anymore? its longer than normal#i am retiring her from obedience this year#ASCA nationals is probably the last time I'll step into the obedience ring with her#it makes me so sad#my girl#my best girl
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*smashes in like the Kool-Aid man*
PENDRAGON SIBLINGS YOU SAY????
I have. So many Feels. About Themst™
The complexity?? The layers?? The angst?? Hello??????
Their relationship is just So Much, because you are right, it's all tangled up in miscommunication and missed opportunities, and so many problems that can be sourced back to Uther "War Crimes" Pendragon, who wouldn't know a healthy relationship if it bit him on the ass.
If Merlin and Arthur are two sides of the same coin, then Arthur and Morgana are edges of the same blade.
Because it's the lonely childhoods, the shared grief, the friendship, the vulnerability, the fondness, the teasing, the envy, the jealousy, the almost romance, the protectiveness, the betrayal, the loss, the hurt, the refusal to let go and the desperate hanging on, and the love, the love, the love.
Indifference is the true opposite of love.
Hate is love that's gone rotten.
“If Merlin and Arthur are two sides of the same coin, then Arthur and Morgana are edges of the same blade.” oh fuck….
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCK
WAIT HOLD ON WAIT LEMME PIGGYBACK ON THAT BESTIE @0hheytherebigbadwolf (tagging you bc it will be a couple days after you sent this ask)
(Also, for anyone wanting background context on what me and bestie are bouncing off on: voilà)
OK OK SO
we are all familiar with King Uther being the greatest (worst) dad of all time, correct? places such high expectations on his “only son and heir” whilst never officially acknowledging Morgana as his daughter until the very end?
F+ father of the year :)
he is not above sending his children into the dungeon if they disobey him as seen here:
(Jfc he even put Morgana in chains like wtf)
also, he is not above using emotional guilt towards them when he deems it necessary (aka one of the only times he actually acknowledges them as his children)
UTHER (1x02 Valiant) I trust you will make me proud.
UTHER (1x08 The Beginning of the End) I’ve treated you like a daughter. Is this how you repay me?
UTHER (1x12 To Kill the King) You are the daughter I never had.
UTHER (2x08 Sins of the Father) You would believe a sorcerer’s lies over the word of your father?
not to mention that when Arthur or Morgana try to reason with him or argue with him since they are the only ones with the status to do so, he pulls rank
UTHER (1x12 To Kill the King) May I remind you that you are speaking to your King [...] Take care, child, or I’ll have you restrained.
UTHER (2x08 Sins of the Father) I am your king and your father. You will show me some respect!
UTHER (2x06 Beauty and the Beast) We live in dangerous times, I cannot allow you to undermine my authority.
UTHER (3x10 Queen of Hearts) You have caused this to happen, Arthur. My decision is final.
ngl i could include more but i have already spent hours searching for shit (YOUTUBE WILL DIE BY MY HAND THAT STINGY BITC—) but y’all get what i mean: Uther is an abusive fucker and it has messed up the conditions of Arthur and Morgana
now, about the double edged blade…..
as previously established, Uther is a fucking dick and wants his children to obey him but also adore him. with this behavior, the Pendragon siblings react in two ways: with anger & contempt or submission and remorse
way #1
i’m gonna start with Morgana because anger is the easiest to pick out throughout the show. in the first episode of the first season, our introduction to Morgana’s character is her lecturing Uther about executing the man Merlin witnessed upon entering Camelot (such a warm welcome for Emrys, mh?)
MORGANA I just don't think chopping someone's head off is cause for a celebration. That poor mother. UTHER It was simple justice for what he'd done. MORGANA To whom? He practiced some magic, he didn't hurt anyone. UTHER You were not around twenty years ago, you have no idea what it was like. MORGANA How long are you going to keep punishing people for what happened then?
early on, it is easy to pick up on Morgana’s resentment and anger at Uther, who she believes is blinded by his fear of magic and his need for control (which she isn’t wrong about). also, we find that she isn’t one to back off when poking the bear (Uther). she does it constantly in seasons 1 & 2
MORGANA (1x03 Mark of Nimueh) Why would she kneel on a cold stone floor morning after morning when she could make these things happen with a snap of her fingers? Like an idle king!
MORGANA (1x08 The Beginning of the End) How can this child be your enemy? He's just a boy. UTHER He is a Druid. MORGANA Is that such a crime?…What have these people done to you? Why are you so full of hate?
UTHER (2x04 Lancelot and Guinevere) How many men would you have me sacrifice to save a servant? MORGANA As many as it takes!
to be honest, i wouldn’t be surprised if screaming, arguing and berating Uther about his morals and ethics is her way of proving that she is not weak or submissive to his actions. i mean, Morgana grew up in a household the complete opposite from her time in Camelot. Gorlois, the man whom Morgana considers to be her father and one and only family member, was said to be “just” and “kind” and someone that Uther even considered a good friend who openly kept him in check. Morgana, until the age of ten, understood parental love and empathy unlike Arthur, who spent his whole life without any good or healthy substance of it.
the culture of Camelot and Uther’s wrath is not something Morgana was ever able to fully acclimate to as Uther himself pointed out in 1x12. She “was at odds with [him] since the beginning” and could never picture herself as a Pendragon (point further proven in 4x05: she looked revolted when Queen Annis compared her to Uther) because she didn’t share in their idea of magic = evil and a king = absolute control.
ironic in terms of future plot events, isn’t it :’)
way #2
compare that to Arthur: man’s respressed af. keeps all his emotions under lock and key if they are anything but haughty and serious. y’all, Arthur even says it himself how he “[can't] disagree with Father [Uther] in public.” whenever Arthur finds himself at odds with Uther, he holds his tongue and waits until he can disobey secretly (2x05 when he leaves to rescue Gwen, 1x08 when he helps Morgana sneak out Mordred in the dark of the night, 2x08 when he sneaks out to meet Morgause for more info about his mom, etc). it is only the rare moments when Arthur feels impassioned enough to speak up without fearing any retribution does Arthur talk back at him (so satisfying 👌)
ARTHUR (1x03 Mark of Nimueh) [Morgana’s] right, Father. You hear the word magic, you no longer listen.
ARTHUR (2x08 Sins of the Father) This is what fuels your hatred for those who practice magic. Rather than blame yourself for what you did, you blame them….You hunted her kind like animals! How many hundreds have you condemned to death to ease your guilt?!….You speak of honour and nobility! You're nothing but a hypocrite and a liar!
ARTHUR (3x10 Queen of Hearts) You can't forbid my feelings any more than I can. I won't deny them any longer, I love her. I love Guinevere.
we can even compare how the two react to Uther’s violence towards them
(ahahahahahaaaaa what a wonderful dad)
on the left, you see Arthur’s face right when Uther crushes the morteus flower needed to heal Merlin (his manservant/friend/????) and on the right, is Morgana after Uther discovers she was harboring a Druid child in her chambers and she refuses to listen to his reason.
notice how both faces are remarkably similar 👀
however, Arthur’s look of shock and dismay come from his hope that Uther would do the right thing. that he would help save Merlin’s life from dying of poison. that he wouldn’t use this as a method to teach Arthur “what it means to disobey and cross the king.” he truly did hope, just like he always does with the people he holds close. Arthur cannot help but hope and trust that those close to him will not betray him and yet so many do. hence the remorse
looking at Morgana, her shock comes from the fact that this might be the first time Uther reacted to her words and actions in a physical manner. my suspicion is that most of the time, all Morgana previously got was Uther reprimanding her and yelling at her to stop questioning his methods (bc, let’s be real, she was the favorite child.) never has he lifted a finder on her like Arthur and i have proof (cue transcript!)
AND! and, Arthur is constantly warning Morgana about not angering Uther any further because of the consequences she might face (consequences this boy is very familiar with) when Uther deems it necessary to “teach” his children obedience.
UTHER (1x04 The Poisoned Chalice) You have to learn there's a right and a wrong way of doing things. I'll see you're let out in a week. Then you can find yourself another servant.
UTHER (3x10 Queen of Hearts) You have caused this to happen, Arthur. My decision is final [...] This is for your own good. - UTHER She will die. The enchantment will be broken. You'll see I was right.
UTHER (2x08 Sins of the Father) I am protecting you from your own foolishness!
so educational 🥰 but see, because Uther presents his punishments as lessons, Arthur himself views them as just a fucked up but meaningful way of his father’s concern because “yeah, I am the first born son and only heir to the throne. of course I need to learn not to do silly things like disobey, talk back to him, be my own person.” <- I’m paraphrasing here
Arthur does and has never seen a way out of the life thrust upon him by Uther (see 3x06). succeeding Uther as king, marrying a noblewoman of high standing for heirs and alliance strength was always expected of him. Arthur never saw a way out of this. even when he and Gwen were in their secret relationship phase, Arthur had to remind himself that this would never last. he loved her and knew she loved him, but there was always that reminder (that sounded a lot like Uther) in the back of his head telling him that it would never last so long as he was prince. he had a duty (constructed by Uther) to serve Camelot and going against his father would mean (in his eyes) that he is going against Camelot (as Uther always presented it to be).
so unlike Morgana, he did not kick and scream but stood firm because that was what he believed was stronger. if he stayed in his lane and did his part, then he would be a good king, maybe even a better one than his father, for Camelot. however, the show proves that differentiating himself from Uther actually made him the better king and more respected, but this is not the meta for that. I am getting side tracked.
OK: so we’ve established parental issues between the two siblings. now onto their very complex, complicated yet beloved dynamic
sO, as i mentioned in this post (because i am lazy and too tired to copy/paste the evidence from there), these siblings do care for one another. they just go about it in the most hilarious and repressed and in-denial way (hilarious to me 😤)
when we meet them, it’s established that these two have known each other for some time. enough for them to bicker and have banter, you know, as you do with a Pendragon. also, should add, neither character are ever aware they are blood-related until s3 (because of some weak-ass bitch named Uther), so you have that very, uh, interesting subplot in s1 that everybody forgets about until you rewatch it. (honestly, I have so many questions. number 1: why???? number 2: it’s only in s1—was it scrapped??? is it like it never existed???? what was its purpose to the plot??? bbc explain yourself—)
however, despite how much it is shown that they do care for one another, they’re relationship in s1 is still undefined and vague as if they also don’t know how to accurately define what the other means to them. it’s very similar to the whole “i really love this person so much but is what i’m feeling platonic, familial, or romantic?” because….you know, guy and girl besties who are close are typically expected to grow romantic feelings for each other, so tbh i would not be surprised if both mistook their love as romantically inclined in the beginning bc, reminder, neither of them were aware they were siblings until much later.
[and this is ALL i am saying on this subplot. i do not want to cause any negative discourse, so if anyone has a few choice words about it, either keep it to yourself or feel free to talk about it with people you know. personally? not a fan of the ship and never will be, but i am not here to post about that.]
anyway, have some featured receipts showing Arthur and Morgana slipping up and showing how much they care for each other.
SEE!!!! LOOK AT HOW THE CARE!!!! SEE HOW THEY WORRY FOR THE OTHER AND WISH TO PROTECT THEM FROM HARM!!! (and see how even when they’re on opposite sides there is still that same love. just more warped and corrupted T^T)
^worried/protective Morgana
^Arthur’s face after Merlin informs him that there’s an intruder heading to Morgana’s chambers
Morgana is very aware of Arthur’s trusting nature. Arthur is very aware of Morgana’s empathy and righteous nature. they understand each other so well which is why Morgana knew just how to harm Arthur in later seasons and why Morgana’s betrayal hit Arthur so hard. it’s also why he never stopped trying to reach out to her in s4 & s5. as @merlinemrys said in this lovely post, the show’s driving force is love. love of all kinds. whatever conflict it is, love is there at the center of it all and, in Arthur and Morgana’s case, it does not save them (just like how love does not save Merlin or Arthur from what lies ahead, as the op of the post pointed out).
that is what makes their relationship/love be like a double edged sword!! that is why they are edges of the same blade!!! they protect and fight for what they believe in and for the people they love, but the same blades cut deep and twist their wounds into a lasting scar.
it is because of Arthur’s love for Morgana that he cannot help but hope and mourn the woman he once knew. it is because of Morgana’s love for Arthur that her feelings of hatred are so strong and ugly.
like honestly,
look at them T^T compared to before
their relationship is so tragic T^T because we knew them before it all went wrong. we knew they cared and understood each other. we knew that for some time, they only had each other to rely on for a friend, a crutch, a breather for when the royal life was too much. both of them were fighters and strive to honor their values. both of them had once leaned on the other for support, had wanted nothing but happiness for each other.
fuck, they didn’t even get the chance to really be siblings because they found out too late, and by then Morgana was on a war path and Arthur only found out at the last minute.
like fuck, man
two sides of the same blade: forged with love, yet used for blood
screencaps brought to you by me, @sourdough-morbread, and farfarawaysite
#i will spare you the gorey details of me trying to fine decent screencaps & screenshots for this fucking post or else i’ll get pissed again#(i am considering whether it is worth it to go to war with youtube)#special thanks to my bestie mor for being there for me at the gorey times and helping me find more screenshots#fucking love you bestie 💕💕💕💕#also only including s1-2 bc i am tired and they are the ones where we get pendragon siblings not trying to kill each other#forgive me for always bringing up uther and the pendragon sibs’ upbringing with him it will happen again#also after hours of rereading transcripts and rewatching clips of bbc merlin: it is so obvious that uther cared and treated Morgana like hi#own child more than Arthur. like jfc he let’s her get away with so much stuff he is way for gentle with his words towards her#when he realizes that he was too cruel or rude like bro…..where tf was that for arthur#it just adds to the complicated sibling dynamic because there is the added jealousy and resentment of knowing a parent loved another more#literally most of Morgana’s time with Uther was her at odds with him and yet he views her as his child more#well no ducking dur that Arthur ‘i-would-do-anything-to-receive-my-father’s-love-attention-and-pride’ Pendragon resents Morgana for#always being the one Uther goes easier on and finds ways to turn a blind eye for like wtf#also during my research i was reminded of how done dirty Gwen’s story was by bbc#loses her father to a king fearful of magic barely gets to mourn him bc she now has to keep up the smithy and her maid job; reunites#with her brother who’s been AWOL for some years and still they don’t get a moment to talk about their dad and mourn TOGETHER#her storyline is pushed aside by s4 bc now she’s fulfilling the role of Arthur’s love interest and oh yeah they still need to incorporate#the lanceot/guinevere scandal and then banish her for some episodes without even letting her brother be mad about it like ?????#anyway#continued saga of fluffy rereading transcripts -> uther: ‘it’s been a long time since Ygraine…since anyone’ me: ducking liar >:(#[sir leon begins the slow clap] king you dropped this 👑IT IS 1AM HELP 😂#place your bets on where my laziness for evidence came in! (I honestly don’t know lol scavenging evidence is all a blur)#spent 2 days on this post lol#me: ok i think that’s enough evidence for this argument…………ok maybe ONE more won’t hur—#me after day 2: ….am i done???? am i free????#pendragon siblings coming behind me with a steel chair: nah mate!#me: FUCK THERE’S MORE#bbc merlin#merlin meta#pendragon sibs
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i only want love triangles if it's whatever fucked up polygon junmo kicheol and euijeong have going on
#the worst of evil#ranting#idk how to articulate how juicy it is#junmo's fierce protectiveness of his wife - he trusts her but can't help his jealousy fear or frustration while trapped in the situation#euijeong hurting but putting her own life on the line worried for her husband while unpacking the memories of her first love#she can't help but sympathize with kicheol and what he's endured; haven't seen much of how she feels rn but it must be c o n f l i c t e d#(not necessarily even in a romantic way but wanting to root for a person chasing their goals who was once so important to you)#(all while grieving her mother without the support of her literal goddamn spouse by her side)#and kicheol. also grieving and trying to establish a place for himself and his crew yet drawn to junmo despite the red flags#his panic and desperation when jungmo bled out on him which must have triggered his own memories of losing taeho#junmo who has every reason to despise kicheol barely concealing his general rage but protects him like it's second nature at every turn#all while conflicted as a bystander to atrocities (and now willfully leaving another cop to die to protect himself his wife and the mission#getting mentally and physically pummeled left and right just bc his superiors demand it from him#all to please euijeong's family by using the promotions to prove himself and get rid of the stigma weighing him down#like !!!#and haven't even touched on kicheol wooing euijeong against his buddy's wishes and in such a pure heart fluttering way#accepting the risk for a second chance to bathe in the bright light she used to shine on his life#OMG AND BIBI'S ENTRANCE!! junmo realizing her interest gives him leverage and agency but struggling to use it to his advantage#it's soooo messy and i'm obsessed#that funeral arc is gonna haunt me for years#as is the tension during the pat down which def was supposed to be like a gang pride/dignity/lack of power against the jp folks thing#also testing their relationship and responsibilites as leader subordinate#but felt charged around whether kicheol would protest or junmo would accept the manhandling in totally different 👀 ways#goddamn i wrote an essay and this doesn't even scratch the surface of the meat of the show#tldr; i have many many feelings and for once the 'love triangle' isn't making me gauge out my own eyeballs#it's about power it's about raising the stakes and revealing things about the characters w/o dominating the plot
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> be a robin buckley fan
> be lesbian
> project on robin
> look up "internalized homophobia robin buckley" on tumblr because it's cathartic
> 3/4 of the posts are about st3ddie or just about steve
#saw one in which steve was like ''no robin you don't understand! i have never been loved! i don't know how that feels like!''#i have several grips about that interpretation#going from the fact that's not true (dustin is clearly a big steve fan + robin herself cares about him deeply)#to the fact he probably wouldn't be introspective enough to voice his emotions this concisely not to mention he'd probably wouldn't take#a moment to realize he's never felt loved if that were the case. i mean. he could think that. when he's like 35 and more in touch with his#inner world. 19yo steve can't even get the hint that hitting on a girl who's already clearly taken (nancy) is wrong so like i don't expect#him to be that smart#but i can live with people having takes i don't agree with. my opinion doesn't have to be everyone else's opinion if you see steve that way#it fine#what bothered me was the fact he was saying this to a lesbian living in the 80s lmao#who tells him that 1) her whole life has been an error 2) she doesn't think he'd want to be close to her if he truly knew her and 3)#3) is paralyzed by fear of social suicide if she dares believe for even a second that the girl she likes may like her too#like i dont need people to do deep dives into robin lore and quote from memory lines from Surviving Hawkins abt robin feeling like she's#rotten inside. not supposed to have friends. feeling like something is wrong with her and that pushes people away etc etc#the fact that she's a lesbian should tell you enough abt who has the biggest chances of being loved 😭#also bothered me that it showed up when looking up posts abt internalized homophobia because?? where's the internalized homophobia therw#unless it's gay steve feeling bad abt it in an AU (as if canon robin didn't go through it)#like look im not bothered to find steve-centric content in the robin tag cos people are gonna tag her in posts mentioning her.#she's his friend.#but there are barely any posts at all about robin's internalized homophobia. like i saw 2 or 3. compared to all the steve or steddie ones#where's the love for my babygirl 😭😭#anti steddie#not really but y'know i don't wanna bother anyone#edit: the bit about there being like 3 posts on robin w internalized homophobia isn't exactly true. there are a few. but they still feel#drowned in st3ddie posts#like something isn't right here
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Flourish AU - Dragonheart Pirkko - Durmond Priory
Champion of the Caustic Elder Dragon
"Lasting change isn't gentle. It's harsh, abrasive, and inescapable. Either we'll adapt or we'll die trying."
"A better world starts with deciding what we're prepared to lose."
#my posts#guild wars 2#gw2#gw2 fan submission#Dragonheart Pirkko#Flourish AU#with all the sales going on i finally finished her look#she needed the maguuma shoulders + wanderer mask#(the wanderer mask NEVER goes on sale so if you want it you better grab it like Now. no really look at the gemstore history)#(it hadn't even been in the store at all since 2022 and this is the first time it's ever been on sale I Am Not Joking)#the only thing i wish is for a Vlast variant for the Aurene leggies for her but oh well. not every dream will come true.#i really gotta talk about this particular AU sometime tho tbh...#in Regrowth she's afraid of what she is and could become.#in Flourish though? she accepts even the parts that scare her. her power isn't something to fear. it's a tool and a weapon.#the blood of the jungle dragon flows through her veins and Tyria WILL hear her ROAR. her ENEMIES should be afraid.#she becomes the Champion of Vlast for a lot of reasons but the most significant is that they're so much alike.#neither has ever been anything other than the destiny that was set before them... and they don't know who they are outside that context.#they're trapped in roles they were molded for since their first breath. they barely understand the world they were built to save.#and yet... in spite of it all. they continue on. they do what they must. they fight for those who can't fight for themselves.#they're going to figure it out together... because in this big bright bold world they're the only two that REALLY understand each other.#they want to leave the world better than it was for them.#... even if they likely won't survive to see that happen.#the future will be better because it has to be. it must be. otherwise what have they spent their entire lives fighting for?#they don't belong to this world... but they can still build a better one. one that won't need anyone like them ever again.#I have... many thoughts about these two...
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daily whistlepaw until ah becomes PoV day 1167
I think I finally understand how people feel when around a crush, can't say I enjoy it
#warrior cats#whistlepaw#windclan#medicine cat apprentice#this isn't my first crush lol but this one has had me feel the strongest of feelings (and might be my first genuine crush lol)#the fact I have been building up A Lot of stress for the entire week probably didn't help.#and the fact my stomach hurt is also probably at least partially to explain by the fact I barely ate last night#but MAN seeing my (latest) crush in such a pretty dress and then go on stage and play (a goddess!!!!!!! she's a goddess)#(I already bought tickets to go see the full thing; I will die but I will die happy (I hope))#but yeah I struggled for a good 2 hours to fall asleep and also had stomach weirdness happening the next morning#man it was not fun#(and then she came to sit next to me during class and I had to play it cool (I was too deranged on sleep deprivation to really care about#being my typical brand of weird but I do sometimes feel like an idiot around her and feel guilty because then I fear that she finds me#annoying and will hate me and I will fail this again (losing a friendship over a crush once was not that fun lol) and Traumas don't help#either at all so uh I'm just trying to spend time with her I just always feel a bit worried that I'm annoying her and it's consuming my bra#I do also still feel a little guilty about having this crush; internalized homophobia/issues around sexuality are hard to shake off#and while it's very normal and stuff I never dare to go the entire way when my brain conjures fantasies that are a little too risqué#I just feel guilty man I know I shouldn't but still it fucking sucks in my brain#and god talking about this in therapy would be a mess#I might have to eventually but I don't wanna#anyways; wild vent in the tags aside; yay a whis!
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I think a lot of TB fans are mad that Alicent is "morally grey" in the way the wish Rhaenyra was, and that she's still doing "morally grey" better than her anyway, despite being a lot less morally grey and a lot more morally... fucked over and backed into a corner where she has to to do morally questionable things to keep her and her children alive... but I digress. I think they hate that Alicent is everything that they preach about when talking about Rhaenyra, while they shit on her with the very next breath.
this isn't even to say that Rhaenyra isn't morally grey, or that being morally grey makes her unlikable. she is, very truly, a morally grey character, and she can be very interesting when viewed as a flawed character with flawed decisions that aren't the best.
this also isn't to say Alicent's perfect, it's to say her hand being forced left and right, being made into a wounded animal that snaps at any hand that comes near it after years of being alone, hurting, neglected, and used, makes her a whole lot more complicated and morally less than grey.
#I don't think alicent is morally grey#I think she's morally complicated#and thats what a lot of Rhaenyra fans try and fool themselves into thinking Rhaenyra is#one has actively maimed murdered and walked over barely cooled corpses to get what she wants#hurt those around her to uphold her lies#the other tried to keep her children alive while causing as little hsrm as possible to a woman she fears may kill her children had she#become queen. not to mention most of her “wrong doings” were forced from her hand by the men in power around her and miniscule compared to#Rhaenyra's/TBs#very different situations#ones morally grey the other is morally screwed over left and right#anti team black#anti team black fans#anti rhaenyra targaryen#pro team green#pro alicent hightower#alicent hightower#she was trying to survive and keep her kids alive man#I can list on one hand all of her truthfully “wrong” actions snd even then they dont compare to nyra#9 times out of 10 she was a bit 'bitchy' and people try snd skin her for that#but again. nyra provoked that anger years ago when she treated Alicent the exact same way
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this shot haunts me
#the look on her face as she listens to alfred say that his time would be worthless if his work doesn't continue#and the way that she wants to console him and help him but also is hurt because he's telling this to someone else#he's revealing his deepest fears and vulnerabilities and she's just there on the outside#she's only able to ever look from the outside#only able to get these glimpse through accidents like this#kept at arms length even though she would do anything for him and the way you can see the heartbreak and anguish in her face#and this is before she really knows that its uhtred that he's talking to#g o d#also disclaimer#I do think its easier for alfred to tell uhtred all of this because to alfred all of this is an act to manipulate uhtred#he's telling uhtred all of this so that uhtred will feel important and thus feel compelled to do as alfred wishes - serve edward#alfred can't tell aelswith these things because that means he'd have to be vulnerable to her#and he can't do that because then he'd also have deal with hurt he has caused her#he would have to deal with that and he can't because he's not certain of her forgiveness (even though she will always forgive him)#and he can't bare the thought that she doesn't forgive him#anyway#a n y w a y#I'll save the rest of this essay for another day#moral of the story#I love them#I'm obsessed with them#they drive me insane#the miscommunication between them and the fear of rejection and the insecurities are just sooooooooo compelling
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You know Henriette is lowkey kind of anime (like the SuMo anime) Lusamine-core. To me
#a lot of people were frustrated obvs w the changes made to lusamine after og sumo and i def see it#and i DEF agree w it regarding ultra sumo. but i actually do kind of like the direction they took#w anime lusamine. like yeah it was a huge departure from the games. but given the context/genre of the anime#it didn't feel like a retcon? it felt more like they had to make adjustments to her to fit the very#slice of life comedy direction the sumo anime took. and there were still intense and emotional#story beats/arcs for the aether family too.#and i think the changes to lusamine actually complimented the changes to lillie#who's main conflict/struggle is her intense fear of touching pokemon due to trauma#so like! lillie is still traumatized! and for a slice of life comedy one big struggle is enough.#she didn't need an abusive controlling parent on top of that LMFAOOO (save that conflict for game lillie#esp cause in game her whole arc centers around that)#man i actually don't remember why gladion was a runaway in the anime though now that i think about it.#but like for the entire maybe one person who follows me and has the pokemon sumo/feh overlap interest#does this make sense????????? i feel like it does#i actually don't know if i have any followers who have that overlap. i feel like you're either here for feh/askr sibs specifically#or you had the misfortune of finding me in a brief bout of pokemon fixation and have discovered. oh#oh you BARELY post pokemon actually LMFAOOO you're just insane over some blue hair and pronouns bitch#and sharena 😇💖#fe henriette
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miss the early days of my tma listen when i was conspiracy theorizing and genuinely freaking out about michael distortion appearances. michael went craazy he is SO scary to me
#was passionately talking about this the other day#michael is barely an avatar. obviously he is but the issue is that he didn't like.. fall into it like so many of the others#he wasn't predisposed to anything in particular he wasn't introduced to the fears thru falling into them#like. avatars are most often drawn towards their domain. one way or another. jon wanted to understand. martin was lonely. etc.#michael was completely unaware. wrong place wrong time. and i mean that checks for spiral but you get what i mean#one day he was normal human michael abroad with his boss and the next he was an avatar he was Barely acceptable and that. that is why#the spiral got him but it's also why he was nuclear levels of batshit insane on top of being spiral#even helen makes sense. Extremely Normal Person who got baited in by michael - she overpowered him bc she was still like#somewhat normal in the head just in terms of awareness of whats going on#michael wasn't. michael was out of his goddamn mind. past the whole spiral situation he was part avatar and part victim moreso than a#lot of other avatars and that's why he was Like That. PLUS he worked at the institute and had a serious hatred for it#and i mean think spiral=psychosis=paranoia and him stalking first sasha then jon#but. such a good fucking character to kind of lead in the situation. here is a spiral of the avatar that you have to handle while you're#putting all the pieces together. he is extremely confusing. this is not because he is also confused but it is a part of it#he is not mindless but he is out of his mind. more than helen. more than any other avatar because he was grafted into the picture#while most avatars fall into it. here is the beginning of the end. he worked at the institute just like you. he is insane. more insane#than a spiral avatar should be. he is Weird and Wrong and he toys with people because he is angry.#poor jon's trying to understand the bigger picture and the best piece that he has is literally like a shattered mirror of a man#that hates him so fucking much#and that's all he had to work with. for so long.#poor sasha. had to try to explain an encounter with the spiral of all things. an avatar of the spiral that barely understood himself.#u get what i mean.#also the fact that he is SO fucked up. in design and how he acts. he's SO scary. rabid angry thing.#something abt helen psychically overpowering michael bc hes a fluke vs jon straight up stabbing elias bc he's like an avatar supersoldier#*tangled in red string tripping over a corkboard* michael and jon are mirrors. yes the mirror is distorted. yes that is the entire point#thee michael distortion. distorted. grafted into the spiral when its ritual imploded. even weirder and wronger than an avatar of the#spiral should be because he wasn't supposed to be one at all. poor fit. and then the avatar-victim jon licherally stabbing elias#narrative foils. impossible ultra freak of nature n his rage. and a skin graft of every single fear. with a knife. and his rage
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I have a rich inner world abt both iterations of Miguel and the relationship to fatherhood <- literally just hc
#90s miguel would explode on the spot if he spontaneously became a father shdjdjfjfjf he’s barely grappling through the emotional arc of#trying to become a better man AND he has the most hang ups ever regarding parents in general.#BUT. but. his biggest issue w being a dad would honestly be his own tendency towards self sabotage AND the fact Miguel is like. desperately#scared he’s bound to his own blood. he’d honestly probably fuck up being a dad not because he lacks the capability to be a kind man (all of#2099 demonstrates he DOES have the ability and desire to change) but because#he’d be scared he’d intrinsically fuck it up and in that fear. actually fuck it up. and then see those mistakes as further proof he just#isn’t capable of this.#not to mention like. given just how complicated his relationship with his family is I don’t think fatherhood would EVER have been something#90s miguel would’ve even THOUGHT of. he’s too busy been terrified he’ll turn into his OWN father(s)#atsv miguel on the other hand. difficult to draw too many concrete strands of analysis from because we don’t know how his past will be#conceptualised. BUT I personally like to think he’s very similar to the 90s counterpart except he sees a version of himself as a father.#and he sees that version of himself be HAPPY as a father. be a *good* father. someone who raised a sweet daughter. who lives with definitive#proof that you aren’t bound to enact pain upon your children. that you CAN be a better parent than the ones you had.#I think THAT would shake Miguel. and I like to think atsv Miguel didn’t know he wanted to be a dad - didn’t even THINK of it - until he saw#a reflection of himself that said this was possible. that you can go on and have a family of your own and you can choose to make it a good#and loving thing.#ANYWAYS. ✌️ she came. she posted a huge Miguel rant. she left ✌️#tunes talks spiderverse#tunes talks 2099
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I’m rewatching the confession scene in 5 and... the way Tara’s face changes when Sam say “I just couldn’t be around you anymore, Tara.” She took that personally. She schools her face from that point on and quickly becomes overwhelmed.
Then a few lines later we get:
Tara: “You're gone for 5 years. 5 whole years. And then I get stabbed and you wanna come back and you wanna drop all this shit on me?“
Sam: “No, I swear, I thought I was protecting you.”
Tara: “Protecting me from what?
Sam: “...”
Tara: “The truth?”
Sam: “...No. ...No I...”
From herself, right? That’s the implication here right?
#/mp#Scream#Sam Carpenter#Tara Carpenter#Scream 5#scream headcanon tag#the tags tag#ANYWAY what I'm saying with this post is that#Sam left because she thought she would hurt Tara even more#and Tara spent 5 years wondering if she was the reason Sam left after 5 years of Sam being weird with her#and then Sam accidentally confirms that fear and that's why that conversation goes off the rails#Tara thinks that part of the truth that Sam was protecting her from is that Sam didn't want to be around her#AND IT'S TRUE! Except Sam can't bare to be around Tara because she's so terrified she's going to hurt her or ruin her#The Amber situation? This would add a whole new layer to the hatred she has for Sam. For making Tara think that she was the problem.
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do you have any thoughts about finnick and annies past relationships?
omggg yes so many!! thank you for this ask 🩷���
ive played around with this concept before, and i think the one im the most content with is that finnick had a teeny tiny baby middle school relationship when he was like 13. he found it very easy to get the attention of girls but had a way harder time keeping their attention, so i think that relationship was his first and last until annie. finnick got his childhood/innocence robbed in so many ways and i think having silly lil high school crushes/relationships were one of em
as for annie... i think our girl got around. but i think she definitely experienced a love so intense and true before she met finnick, and breaking up with that person was so heartbreaking and horrible for her that she had no idea how she was gonna bounce back from it. (but she did... bc nothing lasts forever. lol).
#beep beep#<3#barely escaped the urge to write out an entire timeline#one thing about pre-victor finnick is that he’ll be like hey#and then when a girl says hey back#he’s like ummm… what now? and then starts yapping sm that the girl is like is he interesting or do i just think he’s cute#it’s normally the latter for him rip finnick odair (literally)#annie yaps too but she also has big beautiful eyes so fish fear her and women want her#thank u sm for letting me talk about this anon hopefully i didn’t misconstrue ur question <3#if anyone else has thoughts on this i’d love to hear themmm#odesta#annie cresta
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Sometimes I wish I wasn't afraid of death, then I could finally end the torture that all this has become, I would feel no more pain and more importantly, I wouldn't be an unrequested heavy burden on anyone's life anymore, I feel so sorry for those around me for having to deal with me on top of everything else
#tw sui ideation#tw sui talk#tw depressing stuff#tw depression#I've been terrified of death since I was very little#it's funny how no one ever realized it wasn't normal for a toddler to be afraid of something she#shouldn't even know about yet#and then traumas started and that fear got even worse#it reached a point I couldn't even say the world or I'd have a panic attack believing God would punish me by killing me#that only got a little better a couple of years ago#but yeah#I don't unhealthy how this actually works inside my head#I know I don't actually want to die#I want things to change#to get better#but idk how and I'm so so tired and scared#also lost and confused#it's getting harder and harder to pretend I'm fine#can't stand tall when my knees are caving under me#I can barely breathe with the weight that has fallen onto my chest#I can't lift it by myself#it's too heavy and idk where to run to for help anymore
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