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put-me-through-the-wall · 4 months

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Girl Next Door- Pt. 2

Simon 'Ghost' Riley x reader

Word count: 3k

Summary: Simon finally accept your offer for dinner. Did you mention you can cook?

A/N: I was a little slow on this but the idea of them getting close was stressing me out, okay? Also my MIL was in town and I couldn't get in the groove. All the support so far is amazing, thank you guys so much! If y'all like it there will be more to come. Warning: still slow burning

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Part I

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Simon sits across from you at your tiny dining table pressed against the wall of your cramped kitchen. You managed to lure him in with a fairly nice bottle of unopened scotch you found in the back of your cabinet that had potentially fallen into one of your own boxes when moving from your ex's house.

He looks around your quaint little one bedroom apartment. It was a lot different than his own. The literal layout was the same. No extra rooms or walls but you’d done something different in here. The whole space had a cozy feeling to it. Every surface was decorated with useless gadgets and trinkets that he didn't understand the purpose of. Lots of blankets, pillows, soft things. You had music quietly playing through your TV speakers in the living room. A few lamps fill the dim room creating a subtle yellow glow that hits the high points of your face, softening your tired features.

"Do you think there's something wrong with me?" you suddenly blurt out.

"S'cuse me?" Simon asks, caught off guard by the question.

"Lately I've been feeling like there's something inside of me that attracts horrible guys. Like, is there a beacon coming out my head that says 'hey, come over here. I'm vulnerable and easy'."

Simon pauses, unsure how to respond. He watches your face closely. You're sad eyes looking to him for an answer he doesn't have. "I think you're...nice," but he has a feeling that's not what you wanted to hear.

"nice?" You let out a humorless laugh. "Maybe that's the problem. Nice must translate to doormat," You sigh and drop your head into your hands.

Simon takes a sip of his drink. He's growing concerned this is entering too friendly territory. Then you pop your head back up.

"So, how much did you hear?"

"Not much"

"Yeah right," You toss him a coy smile. “Can I tell you what happened?”

“Sure,”

“Alright, so” you take a sip of your own drink and a deep breath before recounting your story. "I met him at work. He was really nice and offered to pick me up a coffee on his way in one day. I haven’t made any friends at work yet so it was nice just to chat over a coffee. Then we started having lunch together. Nothing serious just in the break room but it felt good to hear about something other than notes from my editor. I wasn’t looking for anything serious, I mean I moved here to focus on myself not continue dating more crappy guys. So of course he started texting me and he was really sweet. He complimented my outfits and thought all my jokes were hilarious apparently. I really wasn’t trying to get involved with this guy though. He said something about hearing I can cook and of course I said I do. It’s part of my job, duh. He’s giving my shit about it so I invited him over for dinner. I made this creamy potato gnocchi with Italian sausage that I got from that great butcher on the corner. I even hand rolled the gnocchi. I mean, who wouldn't kill for an authentic Italian meal?"

"He's sounds like some guy"

"Not really, I was testing out a new recipe for the column so, two birds one stone. Anyways, he comes up and we have some wine and listen to some music. It was going really well so far. Then I go to bring out a nice charcuterie board for an appetizer while the pasta finishes baking. While I'm bringing it to him I can see he's on his phone, texting someone and literally giggling. I walk up behind him and he is sexting. On my couch!" you throw you hands up incredulously. "Well, I thought he was. He’s looking at a picture of some girl bent over then I realize it’s me. He took a picture of my ass, while I was making him dinner. I couldn't fucking believe it. What kind of a scumbag does that to a woman preparing a fucking meal for him? Now, this is not something I'm proud of so let the record show this is very out of character for me but these were extraordinary circumstances. So, I dropped the fig chutney on his head. Right in his stupid quaffed hair. He jumps up and he's all mad and starts yelling and I'm yelling back. He calls me a crazy bitch then I call him a perv. After that he left." you conclude with a shrug.

"Wow" Simon responds, truly taken aback by the series of events.

"Yeah, then you know the rest from there. I don't know what came over me. I guess after my last breakup I haven't felt very good about myself and this guy made me feel, I don't know- fun? That feels silly to say. I should’ve known better from a guy that works the celebrity gossip section. I probably looked like a big baby out there, how dramatic. I'm sorry about that, again."

"You don't need to apologize."

"After I moved here I thought things would be different. I thought guys in the city were classier I guess. Turns out all guys are the same. Just take what they want and go. Do you want another drink?" You point to his now empty glass.

"Sure." You snag his cup and stand. He watches you walk over to the counter in your silky slip dress. The sleek fabric clings to your waist. Flaring around your hips and down your thighs. The warm light reflects on the shiny material, shifting with each step you take. It tightens perfectly about your waist and cinched with a neat little bow in the back. He wonders why you would wear a dress like that for this guy.

"So, do you date?" you question in a seemingly casual tone.

"No"

"Yeah right," you laugh and look over your shoulder to see his stoney expression and your smile fades. "Oh, sorry, I just- I find that hard to believe."

"Why is that?" He tilts his head and you focus back on filling his glass.

"It's just, you're a good looking guy. I would think you'd get plenty of female attention," You pivot back around and place the glass before him. You lean on the table with one hand and prop the other on your waist.

"'M not interested," his gaze stays fixed on the brown liquid, grabbing it and taking another sip. He doesn't miss the way you deflated the slightest bit.

"Maybe I should take a page out of your book, as in maybe swearing off men completely" The oven timer dings. "Oh! pasta!" You jump over and grab your oven mitts. You drop the oven door and slide out the sizzling dish. An aroma of cheese and basil fills the air. Your stomach audibly growls.

You pull down two plates from your cabinet. You serve up the steaming pasta, sprinkling parmesan and fresh chopped herbs for garnish. You proudly carry over the two dishes and place them carefully on the table. You place your hands on your hips while gazing down at the platter.

"This looks...great." Simon is truly taken aback by the incredible looking dish.

"Wait, don't eat yet. Let me get a picture." You scamper into your living room, grabbing your phone off the coffee table and scurrying back. You hold your phone high above for a birds eye view. Simon scoots his chair back to avoid the gaze of the lens. The camera clicks with a flash. You examine the photo, seeming satisfied with the quality and finally taking a seat in your own chair. "It was okay if you were in the picture. I don't mind."

"I do," he says simply.

To anyone else, Simon comes off as rude or callous but you, you never seem to let his shortness affect you. You take his words and just keep going. You don't mind his lack of conversation. It seems you are totally satisfied with having someone there to listen. He was starting to think he didn't mind listening so much.

"Oh," You shift uncomfortably in your chair. "Sorry then. Well, let me know what you think. Try to be detailed with your feelings about it if you can. You're my guinea pig and be honest. I don't want to put this out when it's garbage."

He proceeds to take a forkful in his mouth. He cannot control the groan that escapes his throat as the bold flavor hits his tongue. This is far cry from his usual take away food. He can't remember the last time he had a home cooked meal now that he thinks about it.

"This is quite good." He grumbled between bites. Not caring to finish chewing before he's stabbing at the pasta on the plate once again.

"Really? You don't need to be nice to spare my feelings. I don't mind criticism."

He shoves more in his mouth. "I’m serious"

"Thank you" You giggle watching him scarf down the still steaming hot meal.

The two of you finish your respective plates without much more conversation to be had. On your last few bites you meet Simon's eyes as he reclines back in the creaky wooden chair, hands laying across his stomach. His head tips back with a satisfied grumble making a proud smile play across your lips. This may be the first time you've seen him express a true human emotion in your presence.

"There's more if you want?"

"No, I'm stuffed."

If you know one thing as a part time chef, food is the way to a man's heart. You knew if Simon tasted what you could make his ice exterior would melt away. You stand up and walk to the fridge.

"Too stuffed for dessert?" you pull out a glass bowl filled with layers of custard, strawberries, cake, and whipped cream. "I made a traditional English trifle. Y'know for the holidays coming up and who doesn't love custard?" you shrug while carrying the bowl over to the table. You hurry back to the kitchen to grab two saucers and plate up the dessert.

"If I didn't know any better I'd say you're trying to butter me up." he comments, intently watching as you carefully slice through the layers. "What do you know about English food?"

"Not much, which is why this is a special occasion. I can get some insight from a genuine Englishman," you slide the saucer to him. "Everything happens for a reason, I guess you were meant to be here tonight" you don’t realize how weird that comment is until it's already left your mouth. You suppress the feeling and internally cringe. You take a seat with your own plate and try a bite. "Hey, that's not too bad. I think Gordon Ramsey would be proud"

Simon actually chuckles when you compliment yourself making you giggle in return. This whole night is very different than you expected. Not that you were complaining.

Your leg bumps his underneath the narrow table. Your bare foot brushing up the edge of his pant leg for the briefest moment. A deep blush rises to your cheeks the second you realize it's his leg instead of the table's.

"Oh, sorry!" you quickly draw your legs underneath your chair. Simon pauses his eating and meets your gaze.

"S'alright," he slowly slides his long leg across the distance and nudges the shin of your tucked legs with the toe of his boot. "You scared?"

"What?" you allow your legs to relax, your calves sitting on either side of his outstretched leg. It felt natural, almost domestic. "You don't scare me." you're lying paired with an anxious laugh.

"No?" As he says this his foot shifts underneath the supports of your chair and yanks it forward causing your chair to skid a few inches across the tile, pressing you further into the table as you let you a surprised yelp. Hands brace against the edge of the table. Simon maintains his calm composure. "Are you sure?" he takes another bite of the fluffy dessert.

You weren't sure if it was the liquor going to your head or the rush of adrenaline but you felt bold. You rest your cheek on your propped up hand, offering the most innocent eyes you can muster, as you delicately slide your foot along the smooth leather of his boot. Simon swallows and gently places his fork back on the table.

"What do you think of it?" you question in a hushed tone. your foot travels further up his ankle, dipping under his pant leg to feel his hot skin underneath.

"It's sweet," He states simply but his words roll off his tongue smooth as butter.

"Not too sweet?" You tilt your head the slightest bit.

"Hm," he hums in contemplation. Your eyes drift down to watch his hands grasp his drink. He grips the glass in his large palm. The rolled sleeves of his long sleeve reveal the muscles in his arm shifting when he raises the glass to his mouth. For the first time you notice a faint raised scar cutting through the outer corner of his lip and stopping just shy of the edge of his nose. He takes a long swig of the brown liquid, not quite finishing the drink. As he pulls back his lips glisten in the warm light. "Not bad when it's paired with a stiff drink," his tongue is quick to swipe across, collecting the residue.

"I'll be sure to make a note of that." you smile sweetly. "Can I get you another drink?" You look down at the last sip coating the bottom of the glass. You make sure to flutter your lashes when you look back up at him.

"Are you trying to get me drunk?" A smirk raises the corner of his mouth.

"No," you laugh. "Why, do you want me to?"

He releases a deep gravelly laugh that makes your stomach stir. Then he glances at his watch and your stomach drops.

"I need to get going." He mumbles. He pulls his leg away from yours and rises out of his chair.

"Wait," you rush to stand, almost knocking your seat over in the process. "Can I- uh- get you a bit of pasta to go? There’s plenty left" Trying to think of any excuse to keep him here a moment longer.

"S'okay, save it. Maybe I'll come by another time." He turns and steps out of your kitchen and into the hallway leading to your front door in only a few wide strides.

"Are you sure?" You don't intend for your voice to come out as needy as it does. You follow on his heels like a lost puppy.

"I've got an early morning." Before he reaches the door he turns, seemingly surprised by how close you are to him. He looks down at your big round eyes.

"Okay," you smile trying not to look defeated. "Well, you're welcome over anytime. I mean it, just knock and I'll probably be home. I'm gonna try writing at home more. Try to avoid that guy." You let out a halfhearted chuckle. "Maybe, you should get my number. Y'know, in case you want to check if I'm home."

"I'm alright, I'll just knock" His hand finds the doorknob. "Thanks for dinner, it was nice" Then he turns to go. Closing the door politely behind him.

You rush to the peephole, watching his distorted figure step out of sight followed by the sound of his own door shutting. You rest your hot forehead against the cool wood grain of your door.

You step back in the kitchen and begin putting away the leftovers. Piling the pasta into tupperware, rinsing the plates, collecting silverware. His glass remains in place with a sliver of scotch leftover. You hold the glass up in the light and see a faint smudge on its rim. You twist the cup around so your own mouth lines up with the imprint he left. You swallow the last bit slowly, savoring the way the sharp burn eases into a smooth, smoky aftertaste. You never liked scotch, but now you are starting to understand the meaning of an acquired taste.

The low atmospheric music is abruptly interrupted by an ad loudly cutting through the calm space. You rush into the living room to find the remote, hiding among the cushions and various throw pillows. Growing frustrated you end up walking over and manually hitting the power button. The silence that replaces it isn’t much better though. You step back and let your weak legs carry you until you collapse onto the comfort of your couch. The wine followed by the glass of scotch you polished off makes your head feel light but your limbs so heavy. You turn from your back to your side, realizing the used glass is still clutched in your hand.

You reach across the gap and set it down on the coffee table with a thud. Your hand retreats back to rest under your head. You stare at it, taking in all the imperfections left on its reflective surface. Your eyes trace the rim once again looking for the smudge. On the corner you see the shadow of an impression peeking out underneath the red lipstick mark you have smeared over it.

𝜗𝜚

Across the wall Simon falls back on his own couch. He looks around his dull apartment wondering what you have done differently to make your place look so welcoming. He never minded the minimal decorations he had. A photo frame with his team that his buddy gifted him and a couple of books always seemed like enough. After comparison though it just feels empty.

He can hear you stomp across your floor. Footstep rushing from the kitchen until you're straight ahead. The sound of your TV turning off bathes the room in sudden silence. Only thing he can hear now is the rushing of his air conditioning unit. He considered your music annoying but now he couldn’t deny the way it added an unconscious energy to the small unit. Now sitting here, the cool tone of the overhead kitchen light illuminating into the living room he feels as though something is missing. Maybe a nice lamp would help.

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@azkza @neurolept @contractedcriteria @hidden-treasures21 @sprokat @stark-red19

#call of duty #cod x reader #cod #simon riley x you #simon ghost x reader #simon riley fic #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley #ghost cod #ghost mw2

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lastoneout · 1 year

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I def agree that Nimona's story was a major trans allegory for sure, but also as a queer person in general the whole "maybe I wouldn't die, but I sure wouldn't be living" thing resonated so hard, and like especially as a bisexual person.

Cuz being bi+ there's a lot of pressure from both sides to pick one, either be gay or be straight, and it gets way worse when we're in a relationship, bcs people will say shit like "oh well you're a woman dating a man, so you're straight now, why do you keep talking about being bi?" or vice-versa, like people don't understand why recognizing my indentity is important outside of the context of a relationship, and it's so frustrating bcs yeah like, maybe from the outside it looks like I'm straight, and maybe I could just be quiet and ignore my identity and I'd wouldn't die, but...I wouldn't be living.

And it was wild too bcs a few months back I was talking with my fiancé, who's also bi, and kinda venting cuz I'd seen some of that kind of biphobia in the wild and it'd upset me, and I remember saying something so similar. Like "I could probably just shut up and pretend I'm not bisexual, but that would feel like a death, like some part of me had died, I wouldn't be able to really live" so to hear Nimona say basically the exact same thing? Instant tears. I've never felt more understood.

And even with the other parts of myself, being asexual and trying to figure out what sort of relationship I want to have to my gender, so often I see people say stuff like "why do you have to tell other people that you're ace" and "if you're not going to transition at all why does your gender identity matter" and it's like because this is my authentic self and expressing that is the only way I can feel like my life is worth living!!

It's just so nice to hear that put into words, and I have a feeling a lot of queer people of all identities could relate in that moment, bcs we all hear the refrain of "why can't you just keep this to yourself and pretend you're normal" over and over again from ignorant people, some who mean well and some who very much Do Not, and Nimona is right! Maybe some of us wouldn't die outright, but for a lot of us a life spent hiding who we are, stuffing ourselves in boxes for the comfort of others, trying desperately to seem normal, it simply isn't a life where we're truly living.

Anyway rambling over, this movie is just so good and so queer and ough I can't stop crying about it T-T

#nimona #pls watch nimona #nimona spoilers #queer #bisexual #bisexuality #bi+

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9w1ft · 1 year

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So I've been a Kaylor since 2015 but since Karlie came to the Eras tour I've been struggling with the idea of them presenting again to the public as just friends (and how much people seem to want that). I know I'm in the minority here and by minority I mean I think it's just me but to present to the world as just best friends again after so many years seems infantilizing almost, like another step back. To me bearding with Travis and putting Karlie on the map in her life as a best friend again is cut from the same cloth, like the same type of lies going in circles. It wouldn't be authenticity, just more of the same with different actors (I'm also struggling with interest in Taylor with how fake she seems with this whole Travis thing but it might be just performance art and I'm willing to fall for it I guess for the time being). So yeah I don't know how to feel about this anymore and i saw you give some pretty thoughtful answers here and that's why I sent this. Have a nice evening!

i was talking with a mutual about something related to this earlier today actually. i’m not saying everybody needs to think or is able to think the same way but to me, the draw of kaylor is that it’s a story about love enduring through extreme circumstances.

in recent years i’ve read more than one assertion that people who believe she is gay (umbrella term) should be focused on analyzing taylor’s work through a queer lens because a focus on taylor’s muses in interpreting her work is reductive, but i would argue can be somewhat of an inverse situation, at least from taylor’s perspective. because as i see it, her story with karlie spans ages and is the culmination of taylor’s struggles both to find true love and also in defining what she wants that relationship to be. it’s a story that spans multiple spheres… it’s politics, it’s civics, it’s fame, it’s business, it’s philosophy, and yes it’s also about identity. and i would argue that the specifics of their situations shape their story in a way that is meaningful and oh no i’ve gone on a tangent

i brought this up thought to tee myself up to say that, i think i may have engaged with the idea that taylor’s-coming-out-is-the-end-goal for some amount of time, particularly in the beginning of my tumblr tenure, but at some point i came to feel that the end goal for taylor is actually taylor finding true love. it’s what she’s tried for her whole life to put into words. and she found it, and she put it into words (it’s golden).

there can always be new milestones, and hopes to be placed in taylor to do something more, but i think that it’s important to recognize these hopes as our hopes for her, our priorities, our analyses.

and so let’s say that things stay on a certain trajectory and they appear to the public as friends with boyfriends and husbands. i think that there is a big difference between now and the mid 2010’s. because if by some stroke of good fortune or divine intervention, or the years of blood sweat and tears from her and her muse throughout the great war, has coalesced into taylor not only surviving but also settling down with the love of her life but also to have gone so far as to start a family? then she has already won. we too, have already won, if we choose to see it this way.

#there can be different win conditions i think

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digitalgirlguide · 9 months

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Kimmy’s Digital Diary: I owe it to myself to be the best version of me possible

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾. ‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

As we step into the new year of 2024, I think to myself ‘what can I do differently in 2024?’ I’m not one to sit on my hands and wait until a new year started to make changes to my life but I would be lying if I didn't say that the sparkle surrounding the prospect of being an entirely new person in january while reflecting on the year in december didn’t excite me. I’ve been taking my vitamins, getting my ass in the gym, solidifying my beauty routines and trying to become an all around ‘it girl’. BUT it's time to wholeheartedly embrace the essence of the 'it girl era' with even more aggression and tenacity than before. Being mediocre has never been in my cards and I want so much out of this life that I have to do more.

The Enchantment of Your Signature Beauty Routine

The first thing I had to get right was my natural look. My go-to ‘If i have 5 minutes to be outside can I I do it?’ signature makeup look. And this is from someone who just started learning about makeup in 2016…where we did full faces and the thickest eyebrows possible. I had to think about what I wanted my staples to be that would always be in my collection. Now I’m a girl who likes a nice dewy look and whenever I wear makeup people don't even know I’m wearing it!

Think of makeup not merely as a beauty enhancer, but as a canvas for self-expression. Whether you resonate with the 'less is more' philosophy, cherishing a dewy no-makeup makeup look, or you're a glamour enthusiast who wouldn't part with her winged eyeliner for anything, your makeup style is an extension of your identity.

My personal go-tos for my 10 minute routine

FOUNDATION:

Sacha Cosmetics Cream to Powder Foundation- Perfect Spice

e.l.f halow glow liquid filter - 6 tan/deep warm

CONCEALER

e.l.f hydrating camo concealer - medium peach

BLUSH

sacha cosmetics powder blush - claret

SETTING POWDER

sacha cosmetics buttercup setting powder

SETTING SPRAY

urban decay all nighter

Yet, the magic doesn't end there. Scents have an enchanting ability to stir emotions and weave memories. Do you find joy in the freshness of citrus, the elegance of roses, or does the warm, comforting aroma of vanilla speak to your soul? Discovering your signature scent is like leaving traces of your personal brand in every room you enter.

And do not forget to LAYER YOUR FRAGRANCES GIRL.

From the shower gel, to the body lotion to the perfume combinations. Make sure your notes match to create a custom signature scent that will have everybody asking you what fragrance you’re wearing. But we all know, pretty girls don’t share those combinations.

And then, there's your unique style. Whether it aligns with classic chic, boho vibes, or the boldness of street style, your fashion choices should resonate with your personality and instill a sense of empowerment within you.

You don’t have to conform to Tiktok niches but you can mix and match those styles until you get one that feels authentic to YOU. Remember, it’s better to have your own aesthetic than trying to keep up with trends that don't match your personality.

Goal-Getting: Your Moment is Now

Let's shift gears and talk about pursuing your aspirations with unyielding determination. It's the perfect time to outline major goals for the first quarter of the year. Dreaming of launching your own business? Let's sketch out the plan. Eyeing that well-deserved promotion? Let's craft the path towards it. This is undeniably your year, your time to radiate brilliance. Always remember, every achievement begins with the courage to take that first step.

Here are a few tips to staying on top of your studies in 2024:

Use the pomodoro method - its much easier to break things down into smaller chunks than sitting down for hours studying

Invest in cute study supplies (trust me it makes a difference)

Set a study schedule and stick to it

Practice ‘recall’

Have a study scent - to help with recall. Memories are triggered by scent!

Mind and Body Wellness: Embrace Strength Training and Pilates

Exercise is more than sculpting the perfect physique; it's about decluttering your mind and discovering the incredible strength within. Introducing workouts like strength training and Pilates into your routine can be truly transformative.

Strength training empowers you, fostering a sense of strength and capability, and guess what? It contributes to maintaining a harmonious metabolism. On the other hand, Pilates transcends physical fitness; it's an intricate dance between mind and body. Improving flexibility, posture, and even mental wellness, Pilates is a holistic embrace of your well-being.

Let's get into it, The Action Steps

Here's your glow-up game plan:

Curate a beauty regimen that is an authentic reflection of YOU. Remember, it's not about following trends; it's about celebrating what makes YOU feel stunning.

Chart out ambitious goals for Q1. Break them down into manageable tasks and start the journey towards realizing them. Your dreams are deserving of your pursuit.

Infuse strength training and Pilates into your fitness routine. Your body and mind will express gratitude for the nurturing care.

Remember, the path to becoming the best version of yourself is a steady journey, not a hurried sprint. Take each step with intention, celebrate every small victory, and, most importantly, embrace your unique beauty and strength. Here's to a luminous and confident 2024 ✨

#it girl #that girl #pink pilates girl #clean girl aesthetic #green juice girl #clean girl #pink pilates princess #digitalgirlguide #digital diary #kimmys digital diary

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tea-with-evan-and-me · 8 months

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"Should I order us a bottle of wine?"

I'm sitting across a small table from Evan. He is soft-spoken and raises his eyebrows as he asks me. The waiter is standing patiently at our side, looking to me for the final decision. The waiter is dressed in a tux, a cloth napkin hanging over his arm. I told Evan it wasn't necessary to take me somewhere this fancy. I'm not fancy by any means. In fact, usually I would roll my eyes at the thought of it. Me,? At a fancy restaurant? Yea, fucking right. I'm classy but I'm not fancy. I apparently can't get the word fancy out of my head. The waiter clears his throat and it pulls me out of my daydream. Patience waining.

"Sure, but white wine please. The sulfites in red make me sick."

Evan knits his eyebrows and starts to say something when the waiter interjects.

"Ma'am, our red wines are authentic to Italian recipes and do not contain sulfites. Of course they are more expensive than other types, that we do serve, that you may want to stay away from."

"Oh, that's cool-I mean, ..lovely.." the waiter looks at me strangely and I shake my head. I hear Evan snort. I make a mental note to give him shit for it.

My eyes snap to his and I playfully glare at him. He chuckles and orders us some red wine that is friendly to my stomach. The waiter takes our food order as well and walks away, leaving us to resume our conversation. This is our first date. I know him a bit, but not well. The air between us actually is quite comfortable.

"Dude, I told you that you didn't have to bring me somewhere fancy. If you're looking to impress me, that ship has sailed" I smirk.

"Ouch, that stings" he jokes

I roll my eyes "I mean if I accepted a date with you, that means you've already impressed me" I smile at him. He smiles back and nods his head.

"Really, I just wanted to get in your pants..." He can't keep a straight face as he says it.

"Oh, yea? Well my muffin shop isn't open for first dates, mister can't keep it in your pants" I chuckle cause I know he's at least half joking. I mean he's a guy, but at the same time he would never want me to be uncomfortable. He knows I can take the joke. We've joked about far worse already. We share the same sense of humor, which is what I think we are both attracted to. He laughs out loud at my response.

"Muffin shop? That's fucking funny"

"Thanks, I'm here all week" and I pretend to take a bow.

"When does your shop open, exactly?" He says with a sultry look.

"Wouldn't you like to know" I respond, batting my eyelashes at him.

"I get the feeling you like to tease"

"I guess that's something else you're going to have to find out about" I give him a sexy look.

Our wine makes its way to the table. We cheer each other and take a sip. "Mmm, that's good" I say

"I really don't mean to be an ass about it. I would never pressure you. I just have to say that so you know" it takes me a minute to realize what he's talking about.

"No, I don't think you're being an ass at all. I trust you. And, ya know, I can take a joke." We are suddenly serious and staring into each other's eyes.

"Sometimes I think that people think I'm weird. I'm kinda socially awkward. The last thing I want to do is offend. But, you seem so cool and not easily affected by things. It's nice. I feel like I can be myself and I'm not being judged" his eyes go soft.

"Well, I am not judging you at all. I happen to think you are an amazing person. Not weird at all. Kind, thoughtful, sweet, funny. Those are better words to describe you. And I know you're just joking around. So, no worries, ok?" I cock my head to the side and smile reassuringly at him.

"You're food ma'am" I move my arms out of the way as our waiter is placing my plate on the table in front of me. It smells delicious and looks even more so.

We dig into our food. It's so good, neither of us talk while we eat. Finally, fat and happy, we lean back in our chairs.

"Was your food good?" I ask

"Amazing, yours"

"It was delicious"

The bill is silently left in the middle of the table

I joke "One, two, three fast hands!"

Evan laughs "Ha! You better leave that alone" wagging a finger at me.

"Are you sure?" I ask him softly. Sincerely.

"Yea, completely" he smiles

"Thank you so much for all of this. I have had a great time." I reach my hand across the table and Evan instinctually puts his hand out to mine. We stay like that for a long minute. I squeeze his hand gently as he looks into my eyes.

"It's been completely my pleasure" he answers. "Ready to go?"

I nod my head and sigh. Is it really over? At least the car ride is fairly long. That's something. We get our coats from the coat room, say good night and Evan helps me into mine. I thank him. He opens the door for me and we walk outside. It's a chilly LA night. To us at least. For the second time tonight he opens my car door for me. What a gentleman. My heart skips a beat as I realize I don't know many men like him. I decide to tell him so.

"Evan, can I be honest with you?" He looks a bit apprehensive, as if he thinks the let down is coming. He nods his head yes anyway, ready to take it like a man. "I've never had a man open a car door for me before. You're a bit of a rarity as far as men go these days. Don't ever lose that. It's so amazing" I lean over and kiss his cheek. I pull back and smile at the look on his face. "What's that look for?"

"I honestly thought you were gonna say, 'it's been nice but I'm not feeling it' ,or something" he looks away and blows air out slowly. He starts the car. I just give him a reassuring smile.

He starts driving towards my house. He asks what music I would like to listen to and I tell him it doesn't matter. He searches and finds a rock/alt station. Perfect. We stay pretty quiet. I make comments about the landmarks we pass and we talk about some places we would like to check out. Restaurants and shops. We make rhetorical plans to go to these places together. Finally, he pulls into my driveway. We aren't awkward with each other, but right now our hearts are racing. Our minds are racing. Do we kiss? Shake hands? Hug? Evan clears his throat and it hits me how incredibly handsome and adorable he is.

A sly smile "So uh, does your muffin shop serve any mini eclairs or petit fores, by chance?"

"What?" I chuckle and a snort escapes. We both laugh at that.

His eyes go soft again. Serious now. "Can I kiss you?"

"Oh..." I smile and nod my head, giving permission

He smiles and his dimples knock the wind out of me. He leans towards me. Keeping his eyes on mine. When we get close enough, his eyes flit to my lips and my stomach knots in a sweet coil. I close my eyes and wait for the feeling of his lips on mine. When I feel his mouth wrap itself on my top lip, I follow suit. He suckles a little and then repeats the same on my bottom lip.

He pulls away only slightly. All either of us can hear is our combined unsteady breathing. Our eyes remain closed. I lean my head towards him a bit and he meets my forehead with his. He brushes his nose against mine a few times and then plunges back in. This time urgently and open. He waits for me to initiate tongue. When I start it, we can't stop. We tease each other. Pulling away from one another. Licking lips. Each time the other is not there to meet our mouths we whimper. The passion we feel is a little bit unexpected. Finally, we have to force ourselves to take a break. Neither of us wanting to. Wanting to stay in our little piece of heaven for a little longer. Our foreheads are touching. I speak, my breath in his face. My question surprises him.

"Would you like to come inside for a bit?" I whisper to him.

His eyes flutter open. "A-are you you sure? You don't have to-"

I interrupt him "It's ok, Evan. Do you want to?"

"More than you know.." he whispers.

"Come with me sweetie"

He shuts off the car and we get out. He lets me lead the way to my door. Once inside, we both have no idea exactly what's about to happen, but we can't wait to find out.

(to be continued)

#fics

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harrisonbrainrot · 7 months

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I think there is something oddly special about the two of us existing at the same time and being into the same things. also, the fact that I found your blog and used it as a scaperoom from my lonely, difficult days of summer vacation.

I have told you many times how talented I think you are, and I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it. lying is pointless, remember that.

overall, and this is something I have been meaning to say for a while, you make me feel less weird and alone and strange. I always doubt that I will one day be loved, but then I met you and you are living the life; nice boyfriend, free of other people's rules, authentic. I guess I like to project myself in you, considering we are alike and share some interests. is it weird that something about your mere existance gives me hope that I will someday achieve the sort of life you lead? maybe.

I won't hide that I am sad to see you leave, but as usual, whatever makes you happy. one way or another; I'm glad you exist. thank you for that, bexie.

Oh, shut up and kiss me already.

#anon ask

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dreambunnynotes · 10 months

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daily reflection: nov. 17th ❤︎

whoops, i didn't post my to-do lists or check-ins this week, but that is okay! my usual instinct is to give up and restart when i don't do something perfectly, but the whole point of documenting my self-improvement journey is to break the habits that don't serve me. i'm in the early stages of trying out this blog and it's okay to make mistakes, and i'm going to avoid the perfectionist loop by posting what i wrote up for the 17th of november! 🥰 it was a really successful day for my mental health and so i want to document it. here is what i wrote a few days ago:

accomplishments:

today i primarily focused on my social health, and i absolutely killed it!! it's actually making me tear up writing this reflection. i am currently dipping my toes into meeting new people, rekindling old friendships, and loving myself enough to show up as myself, which is my absolute biggest hurdle in my self-love journey due to my own trauma and life experiences. wonderfully, the successes i have had so far in trying to be myself and pushing through my fear and shame have been SO rewarding, which only encourages me to keep going and reminds me that it is safe to try! one of my most wonderful manifestations right now is manifesting my dream friend group where i feel loved and also have FUN, since i have had very low standards for friendships in the past. i kept receiving the message of "being true to myself" this week, and i set the intention that i was going to try to be my bestest, silliest, most authentically neurodivergent self no matter how hard it was. so many beautiful things have happened since setting that intention, and here are the results from just yesterday:

i hung out with my sister for an hour or two (which doesn't take energy for me, she is my best friend and the person i wish to base all of my future friendships off of!! c':) and even though i was nervous and apprehensive, we went to hang out with her theatre friends before their show that evening. i decided to try being authentically me despite the fear of being judged, and not only were they super lovely and fun, they also laughed at my jokes and made me feel very valued for being there! i felt really grateful to have that experience, and grateful to myself for giving it a try.

i hung out with my friend "ac" at their house for a bit while we got ready for a show, and it was really nice to see them again! i had been feeling a bit bummed about our friendship lately because they had been treating me in a way that felt pretty triggering, but i reconnected with the law of assumption and realized that it was because i expected them to show up that way, which helped me heal my relationship with them a little.

we went to pre-game at their partners house, though i wasn't drinking. i met several new people, and they were all so sweet and nice! instead of feeling lonely that i was a new person being introduced to a very longstanding friend group, i chose to ask those at the house party questions about their friend lore (lol) and was my sweet and silly self. i found myself laughing along to things i didn't find funny and not really enjoying myself, which ended up being helpful; instead of listening to the internal voice that often says "you'll never find your friends," i was able to witness the voice and reply with, "you're trying new things, and you're learning about your preferences; how beautiful is that!" i was really proud of myself for this witnessing and not-shaming, and i did end up having quite a few wonderful conversations after that. i was able to see that the situation was not black and white, and that there can be multiple perspectives per experience!

i had a negative interaction with someone i knew there that made me feel embarrassed because of the way they responded to me. instead of internalizing it, i remembered that real friends wouldn't make me feel that way, which was another win for connecting with my authentic self despite the fear!

i made a new friend who i had never met before which was so, so beautiful! we talked about vocal stims and musical theatre karaoke lmao it was so great, i felt really accepted by them and it was just such a treat to hang out and laugh with them! it's so nice to meet new people you instantly feel connected to, and, again, was proof that by being my purest self, i will meet the people i connect with.

at the venue, i put on my massive ear-protectors because i am very overstimulated by sound, and it was just so comforting to know that none of my friends there in the big friend group were judging me. it was safe to do what i had to do; in fact, it was celebrated!

anyway, i'm feeling really positively about my social experiences today. it was the biggest part of my day and i feel proud of myself for overcoming my biggest fears. it's so funny to me that my body reacts to seeing a friend the same way it would react if i was being attacked by a lion; the nervous system is a funny thing, but i'm glad it wants to keep me safe!

other accomplishments:

i didn't cancel work even though i really, really wanted to. i showed up and did my job, which shows that i can trust myself to get things done when i need to!

improvements to make:

i need to set clear goals so that my days are easier to navigate, because without clarity i wander pretty aimlessly with the time i have. i will improve this by getting specific about my dreams and desires, and planning my days accordingly!

woo! kind of a long and rambly post today, but it's alright, it's important for me to document. hope everyone is doing wonderfully and taking care of themselves the best they can!

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sburbian-sage · 4 months

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Ah shit man if you needed food all you had to do was say, kinda shit texture but i made a fuckton of freeze dried foods and vacuum sealed them and they should be heading your way and arriving around the same time you get this message

(one of my coplayers was a farmer and entered with a whole ass farm, livestock and all) so theres gonna be some powdered eggs, freeze-dried beef and chicken, powdered potatoes and i think i managed to get some freeze-dried tomato powder as well, as well as some powdered milk, and also some canned corn

Honestly there were very few actual aspect abilities used to send you the box of candy which was a kind of test

Sent em over with a jury rigged telepad thing that i rigged up with a lot of bullshit, a bit of denizen magic, and also the mini-paradox skaia off the kings staff that i stole, using your posts as a kind of beacon with my space aspect (witch of space baby)

Tried making a cool infini-tele-staff thing but my alchimeter exploded and killed me so thats probably not gonna work

Honestly ive been just dicking about since I'm pretty sure this is a doomed timeline cause all my coplayers true deathed a while back

As far as I'm aware my denizen says I'm supposed to use this thing to send back some stuff but never bothered to tell me what i was supposed to send and then went and died so who knows

... Man, I feel bad now.

I didn't actually receive any of the candy the other guy sent. In fact, I didn't actually know until just right now that there was an authentic attempt to send me anything. I read "*uses my space powers to teleport a box of candy onto your ship thing in front of you*" as being in the same genre of post as "sends u internet hugs", AKA a nice message that doesn't actually come with any real hugs. I pretended I received the candy so I could play along and make a joke about thinking it was a Saccharine Doppleganger scare. I briefly considered saying "you teleported it outside of the ship and it has tentacles now", but I thought 1) that was too cynical 2) I could segue the joke I did end up using into a fun Knowledge Tidbit. But the consequences of this joke is that two people just teleported two care packages into who-knows-where and I just made everyone in this situation look like an asshole, especially myself.

I'd also advise against any attempts to do this in the future. I'm in the Furthest Ring, which is essentially a non-Space (and I don't think Time works correctly either) the deepest reaches of which do not "exist" in any particular Session. Space abilities can't directly access it (the best they can do is fling stuff in there, as in you're literally throwing them), and technology like Sendificators and Appearifiers can't really have their coordinates set out here, partially because I think they're bound to the universe they exist in and partially because I don't think euclidean space is really "a thing" out here so the numbers wouldn't even work. The fact that the Ring Servers can exist out here and provide a pan-Session online network is nothing short of miraculous, and it's mostly because their existences have been bargained for with the Others (so it's actually demonic power if anything, heh). To put it another way, if you could teleport something from your Session to my position in the Furthest Ring, you could do the opposite, and if you could do the opposite, I would not be here.

Either way, I don't mind that the packages didn't arrive and you shouldn't either. I have a stockpile of "real food" that isn't just staple crops, the Cookalizer does a good job of making them taste like something, and I do have a Alimentator, but I try not to use it too much because that stuff isn't free-use and I can't exactly gather any Grist or resources out here, same reason why I've mostly been saving my Alchemiter for air filters and other low-cost "maintenance" needs. I will survive. You should focus more on your own survival, particularly the "I might be in a Doomed Timeline and if I'm not then I'm the last survivor" and "my Denizen empowered one of my items and asked me to do something important with it" parts.

Also, congrats on the farm. I'm pretty sure those farm animals are Doomed because they're homeworld-originated non-player entities, so enjoy them while you can (as in "they're probably going to get wiped out with a meteor or something dumb and contrived). If you really want to help people with your food, I'd get into Alimentator hacking. Basically you can upload the food you make as a digital .ali file that other people can download and use a jailbroken Alimentator to turn it into actual food. It's really sick, but I know how to do that about as well as I know how to actually cook (and I'm not really in a position to begin learning considering the scarcity of resources). Luckily the Alimentator/Sburban Cooking community might be as big if not bigger than the Gamebreaking community, so there's a lot of resources out there that will help you get started. If you do end up getting into it (and not dying because of your current predicament), once I land in an actual Session I'll be searching through your .ali file upload for my first meal.

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sopebubbles · 1 year

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I saw that last ask and it just triggered something inside me.

Like idk. This isn't a Y/N only story you know? There's 7 other people involved - meaning 7 other emotions and backstories and personalities to change and develop. And I think it's important that we're seeing Y/N somewhat stuck in place and stubborn while also seeing the pack developing themselves to be happier.

Because they can't really care for someone as volatile as her while they're volatile themselves. Imagine if Y/N had been there during the fight? She maybe would have left and perhaps never spoken to them again - likely finding ways to blame herself.

The lack of Y/N is just as important as her presence. Sure, the story technically would move on with or without her. But that's like saying my life wouldn't develop without my boyfriend. The people in the pack don't just stop living if she's gone (at least, I've not seen any hints of soulbonding or anything in this fic so if that assumption is wrong let me know 🥺).

But yeah idk it just feels so dismissive of the rest of the characters to be upset about one having less "screentime". Y/N isnt inherent to the pack's story from before she came into their lives. But she'll be important in the story of getting her into their lives. They just have issues to work through before the rest of them can be as concerned as Yoongi and Jimin, which I think is really important and well thought of character development.

Rant over I'm sorry I just couldn't watch someone talk like that 😭

Yeah a pet peeve i have about ot7 x reader fics is when ot7 are treated as one character instead of 7. Its nice when reader has a special relationship with each member, but i think what makes it the most special is when all 8 characters have distinct relationships with each other bc its so much more authentic. They're eight different ingredients that each interact differently with each other.

You make a fantastic point that they might need to improve themselves for her as well. Yoongi is definitely partially freaking out bc how can he be a good alpha for her if he's not able to provide a safe and stable home, and he thought that he could but it turns out that wasnt in his power. Thats a heavy blow. But this episode is also important for Hoseok bc he thinks he's the best damn omega in existence but before he can mentor her, he has some things he really needs to think about for himself. And yeah, she absolutely would have freaked out if their shit popped off while she was in the house. It might have ruined everything.

"The lack of yn is just as important as her presence" i couldnt have said it better myself.

Thank you so much for your good thoughts and kind words. I appreciate you 💜

#lone wolf thoughts #lone wolf asks #image dealer 💗

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all-of-your-mercy · 8 months

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Brainer goes between antsy and restless to decent and feeling good, I'm kind of glad I've been able to regulate some thoughts a lot better than I normally would

There's sometimes just. Those moments where sadness kicks me in just realising I can't really visualise myself with anyone. It does feel like I've been always taking matters myself and I don't realistically think I'll have anyone like that actually help me do things easier or enjoy life a lot more at ease

I guess It's one of those things that will always stick to me. Even if I can hopelessly hope to be proven wrong by -fate-, I think deep down/underneath I know It's silly to have such unproven hopefulness

Though I guess I'll admit I do miss doing things that involve being in a relationship. The genuine rush of excitement or things feeling at ease and stable. The concept of coming up with nice, random (&sometimes casual) gestures to do for your partner. From nice little loving messages from time to time, the ilys, playing games together and watching videos.

If there was ever a soulmate in my life I think that already passed. I think I know who might've been that ... But it wasn't in the cards. And with time and experiences it's been a lot harder to visualise what to expect.

It feels like at my current state I've given myself far too many restrictions and conditions. Even if I sway myself from the idea of doing something in a performative manner to receive validation, there's just that one subconscious part of me that keeps just saying ... "But what if you *do* perform and yield results?" And it's just. Even if I did perform successfully, it wouldn't be me authentically.

I guess I have these feelings linger a lot more because this (the month) was the moment my last ex pulped me like an idiot in the relationship to the point it was just. 2023 being a recovery month for me and nothing more than that.

.... Though another thing I missed is authentic attraction. Having that person approached me for my features and behaviours, rather than just the appeal or sexual attraction really. I've heard far too much flirting from people who flirt with all, and desire all. While I do want more something authentic and organic.

Something that makes me FEEL like a teenager with a first crush again. But I'm not too sure about that ... It always felt like I always chased for someone, while everyone could experience that organically.

I guess those are my thoughts for the day ...

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princesssarisa · 2 years

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Character ask: Catherine Earnshaw (Wuthering Heights)

Tagged by @mathilda-1819-1820

Thank you for this request. I have a lot of feelings about Cathy.

Favorite thing about them: First of all, her sheer depth and originality as a character. She's nearly everything a 19th century heroine wasn't "supposed" to be, yet while she's not portrayed as a good person, she can't be written off as a villain either. She's like a Shakespearean tragic hero – eloquent, complex, sometimes deeply unlikable, yet deeply human and sympathetic too, and partly to blame for her own fate, partly a victim of her society – but instead of a man, she's a teenage girl. Also, whether we like her as a person or not, I think a part of her exists in all people, especially all women. Who hasn't felt torn between wild, authentic instincts and the pressure to be tamed into a socially acceptable role? Who hasn't felt the allure of society's rewards for obeying its rules of gender presentation, mores of social class, etc., only to realize the terrible cost of leaving behind your true self? Last but not least, I'll admit that there's some wish fulfillment in her character, for me and probably for countless other readers too, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. While of course I wouldn't want to be as cruel as she can be or suffer the way she does, I wouldn't mind being a stunningly beautiful "queen of the countryside," with a charismatic, untamable free spirit, and who wins the lifelong adoration of two men; and while I wouldn't personally fall in love with Heathcliff, I still enjoy the fantasy of sharing such a powerful, unbreakable soul bond with another person. These are the main reasons why she appeals to me.

Least favorite thing about them: Well, she's not a nice person. Even though I sympathize with her, I can't deny that she's selfish, manipulative, and sometimes abusive. Her worst moment is probably her tantrum just before Edgar's marriage proposal, when she pinches and slaps Nelly, shakes toddler Hareton, and slaps Edgar.

On a meta level, I sometimes struggle with whether or not I think her portrayal shows internalized misogyny on Emily Brontë's part. She can be seen to reflect an array of sexist tropes: a willful and transgressive woman "punished" with madness and death, a cruel yet irresistible beauty who ruins men's lives, the "feminine" sins of vanity and materialism, a woman who "causes" a man's villainy by denying him her love while alive and later tormenting him as a ghost, a "hysterical woman," a woman who falls ill and dies for love of a man, and ultimately, a woman silenced by death and reduced to just an object of grief for the two men who loved her. Most of the time, though, I feel as if Brontë gives these tropes enough complications that none of them are played fully straight.

Three things I have in common with them:

*I'm a brunette female.

*As a teenager, I had trouble with anger management.

*I've felt torn between wanting to be ladylike and wanting to be wild and free.

Three things I don't have in common with them:

*I've never been married.

*I've never locked myself in my room for days or gone on a hunger strike to guilt trip anyone.

*I didn't die in childbirth at age 19.

Favorite line: Her speeches throughout the "I am Heathcliff!" scene and throughout the scene of her delirium.

brOTP: Isabella, before things go sour, and Nelly, when she's confiding in her and not mistreating her.

OTP: Heathcliff.

nOTP: Edgar (despite their brief happiness), or worse, Hindley or Mr. Earnshaw.

Random headcanon: I like to think she usually means what she says. Her description of her love for Heathcliff as a strange, transcendent soulmate bond is exactly how she perceives it – she's not just trying to paint normal romantic love as something different to justify her choice to marry another man. Likewise, as much as she loves Heathcliff, her description of his "wolfish" nature to Isabella is genuinely how she views him – she's not just trying to scare Isabella away from him, or trying to convince herself that she's better off as Edgar's wife. She's also telling the truth when she denies being jealous of Heathcliff's attention to Isabella – just as long as it doesn't diminish his bond with herself, she can accept the thought of his also loving and marrying another woman, the same way she hoped he would accept her marriage to Edgar. I'm not saying it isn't valid to read her motives differently, but I think it makes her a more interesting character if we assume she's sincere in these cases than if we think she's lying.

Unpopular opinion: She never betrays Heathcliff. That's one thing she's not guilty of; not in the book, at least. In some of the adaptations, where their youthful relationship is made more explicitly romantic (especially in the ones that have them sleep together, which of course the book never implies), then yes, it counts as betrayal when she accepts Edgar's proposal. But in the book, while they've been devoted foster siblings and constant companions, their romantic feelings for each other are still unspoken. Cathy tells Nelly that Heathcliff will never know how much she loves him, and she's able to lie to herself that Heathcliff isn't in love with her, because under Hindley's abuse he's stopped expressing affection for her in words and tends to recoil from her touch. As far as we know, their argument three years later about Isabella is the first time Heathcliff ever verbally expresses his true feelings for Cathy, and their last meeting before her death is the first and only time they ever really interact as lovers. Nor does she ever intend to break off their friendship; both when she first accepts Edgar's proposal and when Heathcliff comes back three years later, she assumes they can still be as close as ever despite her marriage. She betrays her own heart, as Heathcliff says, but that's different than betraying Heathcliff.

Song I associate with them: "Wuthering Heights" by Kate Bush. Some of the lyrics are questionable (e.g. would dominant Cathy ever really call Heathcliff her "master"?), but the song is still a classic.

youtube

Favorite pictures of them:

These illustrations by Fritz Eichenberg:

This illustration by Claire Leighton, depicting her at age twelve:

This illustration by Christian Birmingham, also of Cathy as a child:

This illustration by Robert McGinnis:

These illustrations by Rovina Cai:

This symbolic illustration by Rosalind Whitman of Heathcliff's grief and yearning:

Merle Oberon in the 1939 film:

Kay Adshead in the 1978 BBC miniseries:

Juliette Binoche in the 1992 film:

Orla Brady in the 1998 Masterpiece Theatre version:

Charlotte Riley in the 2009 miniseries:

Kaya Scodelario in the 2011 film:

#character ask #wuthering heights #catherine earnshaw #emily bronte #literature #ask game #fictional characters #tw: abuse #tw: death

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literaticat · 1 year

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Do agents feel strongly either way about mentioning in a query that your novel is semi-autobiographical? I'm querying an ownvoices disabled YA novel. The story is very different from my own life, but obviously the disability rep is from lived experience. If a line in my query says "this novel is #ownvoices and was inspired in part by my own experiences living as a teen with [disability]," is this okay, or should I leave it out?

I can't speak for ALL AGENTS, obviously. For myself, well, there's like three different things going on in this question, so let me try and sort it out:

If your novel is actually semi-autobiographical, then certainly you can/should say so, if you want to, and if that's interesting. However, I would not consider "inspired by your own experiences living with x-disability" to necessarily be the same thing as "semi-autobiographical"? It COULD be, but to me, semi-autobiographical means more than just the character is based on you, the story is, too. For example, my client Phoebe Wahl wrote an illustrated YA novel based on her own teenage diaries. It's fictionalized -- she changed names to protect the innocent and altered/condensed some timelines and whatnot so it would make more sense as a story -- but it's very much literally based on her actual diary. My client Jane Kuo wrote a MG novel in verse about a girl immigrating from Taiwan to a suburb of Los Angeles in the 80s and working in her parent's restaurant, and then a sequel about being undocumented. It's not her exact story -- it's fiction! -- but it's very much based on her real life experiences. Those, to me, are semi-autobiographical. So if THAT'S what your book is, fine to use that if you want to, but otherwise, I wouldn't.

I also think the term/hashtag "#ownvoices" has fallen out of general use, for a variety of reasons. I probably would not use that hashtag, it just seems very "several-years-ago" ish.

That said, in MY opinion, it's totally fine and probably a good idea to say, either at the end of your description of the book, or in your author bio, "Mia's story in GREATBOOK is in part inspired in part by my own experiences living as a teen with [disability]" or something like that. Because if, say, the story is a story about a Deaf teenager (for example), it would be nice to know that you, the author, is knowledgable in a first-hand way about the experiences of a Deaf teenager. Obviously you don't know EVERY Deaf teenager's deal -- but you are much more likely to write authentically about the topic than somebody who hasn't got that lived experience, and I do think agents will be curious, so if you don't tell them, I'd expect they might ask.

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nururu · 1 year

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I'm so big on.... identifying manipulation.... it's all over and it doesn't always present itself as nefarious. like..... I'm tired of being held responsible for other people's emotions. like being told I'm safe but there's a guillotine hanging over my head ready to drop if I don't comply, play along with, agree with someone's perspective/wants. like if I say my truth and you can't emotionally regulate that, and you make that my problem, like "well if your truth would have lined up with my truth I wouldn't be having these horrible emotions", immediately I'm like.... huge red flag and this is where abuse starts. and I'm forgiving but I will not forget. I just reset my boundaries. I forgive you for being an imperfect human, but that behavior IS your behavior at your core and it's not gonna change with a "sorry my bad" and it's not gonna change over night. and I'm not gonna wait for it to change or expect it to change. I'm just gonna remember and keep u at a further distance. I don't like when people TRY to get me to feel a certain way. if I felt that way, I'd feel that way. no matter what you said or did. if you do nice things for me simply to try to make me like you better, it won't work. if I like you I like you. doing things to try to make me like you more, does the exact opposite. people use so many different performances in order to warp people's perception of them into something more aesthetic and desirable.... I just... enjoy people the most without all of that. I like authenticity so much. confidence so much. authenticity and confidence are the best qualities for me. someone who likes themselves more than they like me. bc I sure as hell like myself more than I like anyone else. the whole "your responsible for my emotions" thing, kills me. regulate them on your own. that's not my job. sorry for ranting so much I just got thinking about manipulation and how I don't put up w that shit no more. and sometimes!!

#its not triggering or anything #im just ranting my opinions and #its annoying #so its under a cut

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unoisveimved-un-proffesional · 4 months

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i dont know what this post is.

It would be really cool to have a whole video game ost collection but made with analog snuff boxes (they're music boxes made out of snuff boxes, little boxes people used to store tobacco. It's kind of the professional name for the mini-music boxes, used to just mean "Music Box made out of Snuff Box" (ending up being a tiny music box) but I guess the name stuck so even when it's a box made for music, if it's a certain small size, it's a snuff box, but normal people just call them all music boxes lol) People already sometimes build music boxes to make authentic analog covers of certain songs, but I wonder how accurately you could remake the song using purely analog music box technology that could fit into a little box. Like you could have a bunch of shelves and be like "This is my collection of the Undertale OST, and this is my collection of the Faith: The Unholy Trinity OST".

It'd be too easy to make using electronic parts, it should be a self sufficient piece of analog technology for maximum "Wow!" factor, but still attempt to be accurate to the original's sounds. I've always loved hearing electronic music made without electricity, it's like watching magic to me. Still usually powered instruments, but lookin' more like a chemistry set than a synthesizer. But you could make the case that, if maybe it was like, some kind of a hand cranked copper disc that produced electricity inside, so when you spin it with your hand to a certain point it creates electricity, that'd count, but I'd say it'd only really count if the electricity itself is used to make the music rather than power a piece of technology that does, to create more "unnatural" sounds like bitzes and buzzes, but if it was used as a little generator you know I wouldn't disqualify that, that's kinda awesome and a bit of a roundabout way to make an electric hand crank music box. Wait a minute is that how hand crank music boxes work? I don't know actually. From my understanding music boxes are generally electric in the same way an analog clock or watch is electric. They kind of work off of similar principles of rotation and notation in fact, but one to display visual signs and the other audial notes. They even have big-home use and tiny-hand held versions that are basically the same save for size and therefore use case but use very different names. (I've always wanted a pocket watch. If I'd ever by myself a fancy watch, it'd have to be fancy fancy, engraved and shit, an actual piece of art worth the price. It would be cool to commission someone actually to make a custom pocket watch for me, it'd feel quite a lot more tactile than simply purchasing one that looks nice but is probably mass produced, I'd want something that's really personal to me, to know who made it to, I want to be a little more part of the process than just where it ends up. As far as aesthetics go, call me a bit of an idealizer of the old times, but the ol' bourgeois style got the new bourgeois style beat. Classical, classic, classy. If it cost the same amount I'd honestly buy an old circus themed motor carriage/go-cart over a ferrari. Like it'd be steam powered using a very new and sophisticated steam engine system, but rocking that old world sheen you know what I mean? What was I talking about?)

Anyway I think that'd be cool, so I'm putting it on the bucket list. I always admired those people who were really into watches and music boxes, like into them, on the inside of them. Never felt smart enough to make it my thing but, I'll see if there's any books on that. I used to read a lot of science encyclopedia's about phenomenon, probably time I read something about putting that phenomenon into both practical and impractical practice. Wait a minute I could just binge a bunch of videos on it too, that's a little more affordable, I'm already paying for that privilege! But it feels good to own a book so, if I got the money.

I guess the point is I do kind of like old things. Hell not just old things either. The future is unknowable really, like a fog, but the past is rich in details, tasty textured details. I love details, textures, feeling, crunch, I like what I can feel in my throat when I think about it, like oil and gravel. I want things to painted and engraved, stained and stickered, colored and noted. I want things to be personalized and worn, loved, lived. I like cracks on marble and vines on houses, things painted, and that paint chipped. Rust is a good one, it feels good.

That got out of hand...

#i used to own a pair of steampunk goggles that came with a black tophat with gold colored patterns lol #hexacles.txt #pentacles talks #it's pronounced pen tuh cleese

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