#Sam Vicary
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nofatclips · 1 month ago
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A Promise by The Cinematic Orchestra featuring Heidi Vogel, live on KCRW
Instrumental version
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dawnofiight · 3 months ago
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Wdym the redacted community isn't filled with bitchless mfers? Wdym y'all have partners?
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brainrotcharacters · 11 days ago
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I romanticize the werewolf mating bond a lot so imagine my delight when the non-werewolves say/infer "my mate"
I think it's a combined acceptance of culture and lifestyle, which since it's a big part of the wolves' lives, by association the non-wolves are accepting their partners too. This might be my specific flavor of intimacy that no amount of smut or corny lines can achieve.
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winepresswrath · 5 months ago
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Sam Reid no one has ever deserved it like you deserve it congratulations on winning your hard fought battle to give your wife a voice in divorce court.
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kaleidoru · 3 months ago
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magic / shape shifting chars / slime chars etc that just alternate gender presentation on the fly whenever they want are too powerful and i love them all
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iamdelighted · 4 months ago
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Back in 2014 when I first got into Supernatural I got mad at Sam for giving into the demon blood etc. This time in a rewatch I’m like “you know this dude has a point” 🤔 Maybe it has something to do with the fact that evil feels like it’s winning these days so often, and I can better understand how it might feel to feel like all the power is in their hands, so why can’t I use whatever methods possible to beat them at their own game? The older I get the more I love unhinged characters.
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brainfilehasstoppedworking · 7 months ago
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Haruka gives me gender envy
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wally-franks-stan · 2 years ago
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Lol, what is with you and making Sammy gain weight? No hate, it’s actually kind of cute on him.
softens your man
big fan of gaining weight as a sign of healing and also just letting one’s body Be and loving it regardless of what it does
also hc his weight tends to fluctuate a lot bc mine used to do that
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merrilyderrily · 1 month ago
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I finally got my copy of The Two Towers and The Return of the King in the mail today! All three of the books were labeled as very good condition, but unlike the Fellowship the other two don't look completely new; but I'm actually really loving that a lot because I think it's just really sweet and touching to see that these two copies in particular were well-loved enough to be reread over and over until little corners of the pages/covers curled a little and the spines bent a little where the cover opens up. Also my copy of Return of the King had some really unexpected (thankfully in pencil) underlining and some sticky notes and skimming those little bits and pieces throughout the book was really cute too
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ramfather · 4 months ago
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what is non-SAM aro? :0
Snow is playing with his new pin. "It means instead of saying I'm AroAce, I'm just saying I'm Aro! Aromantic, and that's it. SAM is Split Attraction Model, so I'm not saying my sexuality with it. My attraction is all just Aro."
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pentacentric · 1 year ago
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Oh damn, this collection just made me realize that Lisa Vicari could 100% play fem!Sam. If you told me half of these were pictures of her I'd believe you.
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fem!sam
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nofatclips · 4 months ago
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To Believe by The Cinematic Orchestra featuring Moses Sumney
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sofiaruelle · 8 months ago
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Idk if your avoiding spoilers or not but when I saw Sam's winter glow up I immediately got excited to see your reaction to it
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Hahahah nope not avoiding any spoilers. I am living vicariously through people playing because the update is not available for the ipad yet. 😭😭😭
Samson Samsonite Sammy Sam Sam boi. Looking saur baby gorl 💅 with his lil beanie. I'm mostly surprised he was able to fit all that hair underneath his hat hahaha. Also can't help it but also draw his other 2/3s.
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odesofmeddea · 8 months ago
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when i think about how sam named his son dean ii i remember what jenny diplacidi wrote in her book on gothic incest about names being duplicated and passed onto progeny as an indication of incestuous threat and how the narrative of overlapped names in the show (samuel and deanna, married, sam and dean, brothers existing in enmeshment, sam who had lost his brother dean, assumed dead, seeping into his lover amelia who had lost her husband don, assumed dead, sam and his son, dean ii) suggests an explicit variation of such haunting. it is a story clipped half-lived. there's no consolation to it, only re-enactment: two people loved each other and lost each other untime, and their namesakes or namesaked scions came forth to propagate that loss and resuscitate it again in all-conceivable but consistently affiliated forms. sam loses dean terminally and then conjures, recreates, and seeks his brother in other attainable (sublimated) forms of continuation, not allowing him to get eradicated from the memory of the earth: dean loved his brother sammy to whom he was also a mother, and sam loved his brother dean so much he had rebegotten him. it is a somewhat uncomfortable thought - that he cradled and fed and bathed and played with his son, as though repaying his brother for the nurture received in his own childhood, and as though appeasing his old and atavistic urge to become the proper, right father (or husband, where dean is the reification of motherly functions) to his ill-fated brother who yielded all his childhood, life, and malformed dreams for him, who has never been loved enough and never the exact way that sam wished he'd been. that is, living vicariously through things that he never got to live with dean. there's an immense tenderness to it. and a very deep, morbid sense of eerie, because he has never fallen out of love and, instead, projected his permanent loss, i.e., projected dean, onto his household and robbed them of their independent self-substantiated meaning. dean ii is his own person... but with an innate another dean-adjacent, dean-prolonging reason of existing in the first place.
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aimedis · 3 months ago
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redacted characters as things in my journal 🎀
relatively big tw - there's like vague to explicit mentions of su!cid3 and heavily implied mental self-esteem struggles in this one (i'm alright at the moment, promise) so if that's triggering to you, don't read. this is kinda heavy and maybe disturbing to read to some people i think.
i decided to do this because i though it was kinda fun and cool to like analyse my stuff and the characters a little bit. sorry if this offends anyone ig? idk 😭 i'll be back with the more lighthearted stuff in a couple days okay let's go ->
darlin: "my feelings aren't in my control most of the time. i don't know why i feel this way."
angel before they broke up with micheal: "i think is funny (but i also feel bad) that he's always talking about "getting married" and "forever" when i have a break up letter sitting in my notes."
freelancer: lyrics to "making the bed - olivia rodirgo"
darlin: "i don't wanna talk about him anymore."
damien: "i just want my mom. and i wish i could go up to her just bawling my fucking eyes out like i'm five-years-old without feeling like a fucking failure but i can't... i've survived long enough and i can do it some more."
darlin before sam: "and a part of me will always miss what once was or could have been. but i know they will never be long term, permanent, or reality. i wasn't created to have a happy ending... but i'm okay with this. it makes it easier to slip away and disappear."
cutie: i don't know what so say really. i just feel empty and alone often. i feel out of place. i feel like everything i do is humiliating or straight up wrong. i don't know what's wrong with me."
gavin: "try as i might, i still feel like i am not in my body. living vicariously... through myself?"
baabe: "i should know. my dad didn't want me enough to stay."
lasko: "man what a fucking baby. stop crying over shit that hasn't even happened."
damien before huxley: "i wish i was dead. do you think if [mom] knew she'd wish that too?" (knew that he was gay)
lovely: lyrics to "strangers - ethel cain"
darlin: "i hope it's not my fault when it's all over. i want one thing to not be my fault. but it probably will be."
angel: "why am i crying. again. over and over and over again. it's all i ever do. cry about this or cry about that."
milo post-inversion: "this hurts a lot more than i thought. the thought of feeling like this forever? it sucks."
freelancer: "fucking kill me. i can't breathe."
sam: "is it wrong to think i don't deserve this or that it's not my fault?"
lasko: "it feels like i'm always apologizing."
david: "it really hurts when i need to talk to [him] so bad but i can't."
huxley post-inversion/xavier's death: "is it just always going to feel like this? holy shit this hurts."
damien: "i'm sorry, mom, i'm sorry."
vincent: "the real me? i don't know who that is anymore."
angel: "one more or one less, nobody's worried. my tummy hurts."
darlin before sam: "i don't plan on feeling like this again. i don't plan on "being in love" ever again. as if i know what that feels like... it makes me feel like shit all the time."
cutie: "after this, i'll go back to being alone. like god intended."
asset: "it's kind of sad how i don't even feel like a person sometimes."
lovely: "every so often it hurts so much i think it's gonna rip me apart from the inside."
asher post-inversion: "and it's like, sometimes it straight up feels like i'm gonna die in that moment."
sweetheart: "my greatest sin to men was being a child."
damien: lyrics to "forwards beckon rebound - adrianne lenker"
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lonelym00n · 2 years ago
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Is it okay to run when you're feeling weak?
Part 3 of The Devil Likes the Pirate Series
Tara Carpenter x Reader
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Word Count: 4.1k
Summary: You get closer with Tara and all her friends. She opens up to you about her past.
It had been a few days since you last saw Tara, and though she did follow up on her promise to text you, it was hard not to feel a bit sad about the time spent away from her. And sure, maybe it was ridiculous to be feeling that way, but within the short span of time that you’d gotten to know her, Tara had you wrapped tightly around her pinky finger. 
You’re currently tucked into your favorite corner of Blackmore’s library, textbooks splayed haphazardly in front of you. Your backpack occupies the chair to your right and the two positioned across from you remain empty, a rare occurrence for this time of the year. You would’ve expected the library to be filled with students cramming for exams, but then again, you had to admit that midterm week wasn’t as hellish as you expected it to be. While you normally despised studying, you were honestly just more thankful for the reprieve from being buried up to your eyeballs in assignments. 
Your attention is barely on your studies, way too preoccupied with thoughts of Tara and when you’d get to see her next. The last you’d heard from her was that Sam had her locked up in their ‘dungeon of an apartment’ and that she likely wouldn’t be able to escape for a while. You felt bad for being the cause of not only a huge fight between the two sisters, but the loss of Tara’s freedom too. You’d jokingly told Tara over text that you’d shimmy up the fire escape so the two of you could hangout and she replied that Sam would probably shoot you if she caught you. Having witnessed how scary the older girl was when mad, you certainly weren’t going to find out if the threat was empty or not. 
Just as you’re about to turn back to your work, your phone buzzes with a notification. You curiously shift your eyes to it and nearly jump out of your seat in joy as Tara’s contact name is displayed on the screen.
Tara: hey stranger
Y/N: hey matey
Tara: enoughhhh pirate jokes 
Y/N: okay okay
Y/N: so what’s up?
Tara: i’m bored, pls tell me ur doing something fun so i can live vicariously through u
Y/N: sorry nothing exciting, just studying for midterms in the library
Tara: shit i almost forgot about those
Tara: i hate house arrest
Y/N: house arrest must suck
Y/N: any chance you’ll be off of it soon?
Tara: ughh hopefully sometime this week
Tara: why, do you miss me or something? ;)
Y/N: god you’re insufferable
Y/N: but… maybe i do miss u just a little bit
Tara: awww i knew it <3
Tara: i’ll talk to sam when she gets back from the store and see what i can do
You click your phone off with a sigh. Sam would probably refuse to let Tara out of the house and you’d be stuck thinking about her from a distance. Whatever reason Sam has for being so protective of Tara must be a really good one. You couldn’t even begin to guess what had happened. Tara did mention that she’d tell you eventually, and you made a mental note to be extremely patient with her in the meantime. 
Reaching into your backpack, you pull out a pair of noise canceling headphones and place them onto your head. You switch on some soft music to play in the background while studying and start reviewing the exam material.
You sit hunched over your thick textbook for what must’ve been at least an hour or two. You’re so engrossed in your reading that you don’t notice that the two chairs in front of you are being pulled out. It isn’t until you feel a tap on your shoulder that you register that there are now two people sitting in front of you. 
“Oh shit!” You jump slightly in surprise and tear the headphones off your head. “So sorry, I didn’t even see you sit down.”
You finally glance up to see who is in front of you and promptly choke on your spit.
Tara grins cheekily back at you, grin stretching further at the coughing fit you’re now caught up in. “Surprise!”
“Tara, what the hell are you doing here?!” You practically splutter out the question, cheeks tinting pink (as they so often do around Tara) in embarrassment when you realize that another person is witnessing you literally choke at the sight of Tara. 
Tara mischievously raises a single eyebrow at you and her eyes twinkle with joy, “You should know by now that giving your location to your kidnapper is a bad idea.”
You laugh gleefully at the familiar joke and a feeling of warmth blossoms throughout your chest. 
“Jokes aside, I convinced Sam to let me come here to study for midterms. She allowed it but made me bring a friend with me.” She turns to where her friend is sitting silently beside her and then looks back at you, “Do you remember Mindy?”
The girl looks sort of familiar, but you couldn’t say you remembered exactly who she was. You smile apologetically at her and exchange a quick hello before speaking, “It’s nice to officially meet you Mindy. I’m assuming you were part of the group that helped rescue me?”
Thankfully, Mindy doesn’t seem offended that you don’t remember her. She nods and slowly smirks, “Y’know I’m not surprised you don’t remember me, you were too busy making googly eyes at Tara here to notice anybody else.” 
You flush a deep red before groaning and ducking your head down to bury yourself in your abandoned textbook. 
Above you, Tara and Mindy snicker at your reaction. 
“Told you she blushes easily.” The two laugh some more at Tara's retort.
You lift your head up with a frown etched onto your face. Promptly, you flip both of them off. They each respond with a chuckle.
“Anyways, even though you so rudely insulted me,” you roll your eyes playfully at Mindy before softening your expression, “I want to say I really appreciate whatever your part in helping me that night was. I already told Tara this, but it means so much to me that you guys were looking out for me. I’m sorry for whatever drama I caused in the aftermath”
Tara eyes you softly while Mindy waves off your apology. “No need to apologize. It was the right thing to do and I’m glad we were able to help. Even if Sam did almost kill me”
Tara swats Mindy on the shoulder for her comment. Deciding to change the subject, she scans her eyes across your study space before fixing you with a scrutinizing look. “How long have you been here for?”
“Uhh,” you tap your pencil against the desk while you think, “Two, maybe three hours. Why?”
Tara gasps and tuts at you disapprovingly, “Have you taken a break from studying to eat something at least?”
You shake your head, now that she’s mentioned it, you could use a snack. 
She stands up and gently pulls you out of your seat. “C’mon,” she tugs your arm, “I’m gonna get you a snack.”
Obediently, you go to follow, but stop dead in your tracks when Mindy speaks up in alarm, “Wait, Tara?!” 
Tara sighs heavily, drops your arm, and gives you a pointed look that tells you to wait where you are while she goes to talk to Mindy,
From your spot a few feet away, you can just barely make out their hushed conversation.
“You heard Sam, she said I need to stay with you at all times! We can’t piss her off again.” 
Tara grunts in annoyance, “No, she said not to let me out of your sight. We’re just going to the coffee place right over there, you can watch us from where you are.”
“I don’t know.” Mindy sounds unsure.
“Mindy please? I’ll buy you a brownie and a latte.” You can tell by her adorable tone that she’s pouting and it takes a lot of self-discipline not to turn around to see it.
Mindy draws out a long groan, “Fine! But I’m gonna be watching so don’t do anything I wouldn’t want to see.”
Tara’s smile is triumphant as she skips over to you and threads her fingers through yours. You give her hand a small squeeze. 
As the two of you wait in line, she looks up at you sweetly, “So did you really miss me or were you just joking earlier?”
You bite your lip, hoping to god she won’t tease you if you tell the truth. “I did miss you. You grew on me really quickly Tara.”
She sighs happily, “Good, because I was thinking the same thing. I really missed you too.”
You grin like an idiot, so glad that you weren’t alone in your sentiment. 
The line shifts up slightly and it is swiftly your turn to order. You give the barista your order and motion for Tara to do the same. When she relays her coffee order, you do your best to commit it to memory. She adds Mindy’s items and before she can retrieve her wallet, you whip out your card and tap it against the screen. Tara glares at you but you only smile back innocently.
The two of you slide down to wait for your food and drinks to be ready. 
“Well,” Tara drags out the word and releases a breath, “I know you’re probably wondering why Sam locked me in the apartment or why I couldn’t come here without Mindy. And I do owe you an explanation but-”
You hastily cut her off, “You don’t owe me an explanation for anything Tara. It’s all up to whether you want to tell me or not. Whatever it is you went through, it’s obviously a very big deal. I’d understand if it’s not something you want to ever share with me.”
She pulls you into a quick hug, “I do want to tell you, but I think I need more time. Just so you know though, it’s something that me, Mindy, Chad, and Sam all went through. That’s why we’re all so protective of each other.”
You give her an understanding look, “Thank you for trusting me with that.”
She nods, “Sam’s still really mad at me and she probably won’t let me go alone anywhere for a while. I do want to keep hanging out with you though. Do you mind that it has to be with one of my friends?”
Your brow furrows slightly and you’re fast to shake your head, “No I don’t mind at all. I totally get it and I’m honestly just happy that I get to see you at all. Plus, your friends seem really nice, it’d be nice to get to know them.”
Tara sighs in relief before wrapping her arms around your neck and leaning up to kiss you on the cheek. 
You smile brightly at the gesture. 
A few seconds later your name is called and you step forward to collect the order. Tara grabs the items you’re unable to scoop up. The two of you return back to where Mindy is sitting.
She chirps out a thanks and the three of you enjoy your food silently. The rest of the afternoon is spent with you continuing to study, with Tara and Mindy begrudgingly joining you. You take frequent breaks to poke fun at each other and your heart flutters happily in your chest. If this is what it felt like to have friends, you never wanted to let them go.
From that day forward, you began to spend a lot of time with Tara and her ragtag group of friends. You loved hanging out with them, they were everything you felt you’d been missing in college. Mindy was sarcastic and hilarious and Anika was kind and bubbly. You liked her especially because she would always put a stop to Mindy’s teasing. Chad was cool, but you found him to be a bit more intimidating than everyone else. You didn’t mind Ethan, he was just a bit too shy and dorky for your liking. 
Overall, you found a sense of home in the group. You were so grateful that they accepted you into their circle with open arms. 
Your feelings for Tara were stronger than you’d ever felt for anyone thus far in your life. Her personality shone so brightly, it was no wonder why all her friends gravitated towards her so strongly. She was so sweet, yet so witty, brave, and strong. You are beyond thankful that you were lucky enough to stumble into her life, and you tell her so all the time.
The weeks fly by as you become even further integrated into the group of friends. You’re no longer on the outside, you’re one of them. Not a day goes by where you don’t feel so fortunate to have met them.
It’s after one of your many hangouts with Tara, Mindy, and Anika (you refer to them as double dates in your head) that Tara tells you she has a surprise for you. She takes you to a beautiful park and leads you to a more secluded spot, where a picnic is neatly laid out. You squeal like a child and excitedly run over to take a seat on the blanket. A conversation you can’t make out plays behind you.
“Anika and I are going to be just over there. We’ll be able to see you the whole time. Are you sure you want to tell her?”
Though Tara feels nervous, she nods her head nonetheless, “I trust her Mindy. It’s going to hurt like hell to talk about it again, but I want her to know. Besides, she’s in danger even being around us, so I feel like I owe it to her to tell her.”
Mindy agrees, she’d done the same thing with Anika when things got serious between them. She understands the position that Tara is in. “Okay. Call out if you need us.”
The three girls split off, heading their separate ways. 
Tara plops down next to where you’re splayed out on the blanket, her thigh bumping against your own. You grin lazily at her.
She takes a moment to herself to admire you. Her fingers card through your hair before shifting to smooth the pads of her thumbs across your cheeks. You relax into the touch, sighing softly.
Tara’s lips press to your forehead and you close your eyes at the gentle contact.
She murmurs out your name and you leisurely open your eyes. “I’m ready to tell you about what happened.”
You open your mouth to protest but she shuts down your attempt, “No it’s okay, I want to tell you. Everyone else is okay with you knowing. Even Sam.”
You sit up straight, “Even Sam? She knows about me?”
Tara eyes you a little guiltily, “ I told her a while ago that we’ve been hanging out. She isn’t thrilled about it, but she was glad to at least know. She’s been trying to meet you, but I keep turning her down. I didn’t want her to scare you away before I could give you the full story.”
It’s a little scary that Tara’s overprotective sister knows about you, but you reassure Tara that it’s fine. “Well at least we haven’t been sneaking around her back, she’d probably be more upset if that were the case. I’d love to meet her someday.”
Tara seems thankful that you don’t freak out about it. The two of you sit in silence for a moment. Tara turns to face you, a faraway look in her eyes. Sensing that things are about to get heavy, you give Tara your full attention. 
“Have you ever heard of the Stab movies?”
You scratch your chin in thought. “Maybe? I think I’ve heard of them but I’ve never seen one.”
“Well,” she explains, “The original movie is based upon a series of killings that took place in Woodsboro, California. The two killers, Billy Loomis and Stu Macher, went crazy and killed a bunch of their friends. After the first Stab movie came out, the events of the killings became well-known by everyone.”
You’re completely unsure why you’re hearing facts about this movie, but Tara must have a reason, so you remain silent.
“Ever since the original killings and the first Stab movie, different people have taken up the killer’s mantle. These series of killings have been repeated five different times and three of them have taken place in Woodsboro.”
You feel dumb, how hadn’t you heard about a literal horror movie being remade five different times? “Oh my gosh, I had no idea.”
Tara’s eyes brim with tears and she looks smaller than ever at this moment. “Y/N, I moved here from Woodsboro a few months ago.” 
You gasp and tears jump into your own eyes. You gently pull Tara into your lap to comfort her. “Oh Tara, I’m so sorry. It must’ve been so scary to live there.” 
You press a few soft kisses into her hairline as her tears begin to silently drip down her face. 
“I didn’t just live there." She pauses for a long moment. "I lived through one of the killings.”
Oh my god. Your body shakes as your own tears spill out. You hug her closer to you and she wraps her arms around your neck.
After a minute of quietly sobbing, she continues with what you are sure must’ve been a real-life nightmare, “It’s a tradition for the killer to wear a black cloak and a white mask with a screaming ghost face. I was home alone the first time I got attacked. I got stabbed seven different times and the killer broke my leg.”
She cries into your shirt and you clutch her so tightly in your arms. It’s unbelievable to hear that the girl who seems so put together at all times almost died a few months ago. 
“I was so scared when I woke up in the hospital. It was almost impossible to believe that I had survived. And then about a day later, I was attacked again at the hospital.”
You reach aimlessly into the picnic basket and fish out a bottle of water, which you then offer to Tara. She takes a meek sip, but gives you a grateful look.
“After that, Sam decided we needed to leave town. It wasn’t safe anywhere. But, I didn’t have an inhaler with me, so we had to stop at my girlfriend’s house, where I kept a spare. It was a trap, and my sister’s boyfriend Richie and my girlfriend, Amber, revealed themselves to be the killers.”
She sobs brokenly at the mention of her girlfriend. You do everything you can think of to comfort her, even while knowing that it would never be enough to make her feel better. The betrayal of her own girlfriend almost killing her would likely stay in her mind forever.
“Fighting spread all throughout the house. Eventually, Amber and Richie were overpowered. Sam killed Richie but I- I-” 
You coo at her and rub your hands soothingly around her whole body. She’s crying so hard she can barely breathe and you fish out the inhaler you’ve seen her take out of the front pocket of her pants many different times. You spew words of praise and encouragement at her as her shaky hand wraps around it and she takes a puff of much needed air.
Once her breathing has calmed, she continues her sentence from earlier, “I killed Amber. I shot my own girlfriend right in the forehead. I’ll never forget seeing her body crash into the ground. Some days I can’t live with the thought of what I did to her.”
“I’m so so sorry Tara. She never should’ve put you through that.”
Tara sniffles. “I lost so much over the course of three days. We all did. Our best friend Wes and his mother were killed. Chad was attacked and he lost his girlfriend, Liv. Mindy got stabbed in the shoulder. We didn’t deserve to go through all that pain.”
You hum in agreement. The three people you proudly called your friends certainly didn’t deserve that. You had so much more love and appreciation for them now knowing what they’d fought through. 
Tara has calmed down a bit and just as you think the worst of it is over, she speaks up again, “A few more things. Sam is the daughter of Billy Loomis, the original ghostface killer. I learned during Woodsboro that she and I have different dads. Mindy and Chad’s uncle, Randy, was a part of the original killings and didn’t make it through the second. Basically, all of this means that you’re in a ton of danger just from hanging around with us. Ghostface always comes back to haunt the survivors.”
While you should, you don’t care that your life is in danger. You’re more worried about someone coming back to attack your friends. You would never be the same if you lost one of them so cruelly.
Tara has stopped crying, but she still looks so sad. “I understand if you don’t want to hang around us, you know?”
You huff out a breath you didn’t even know you’d been holding. Tenderly, you tilt Tara’s chin up until her eyes meet yours. “Tara, I could never leave you or our friends. In fact, you’re going to have to try harder than ever to get rid of me. Now I’m the one who’s not going to let you out of their sight.”
Her brown eyes swirl with so many different emotions as she looks up at you. You’d pay a million dollars for the chance to take a peek inside her head right now. 
You’re suddenly met with the familiar warmth of her lips pressing gently into yours. You melt into the sweet kiss.
Tara pulls back reluctantly and bops you on the nose while she slowly climbs off of your lap. You miss her warmth immediately, but don’t protest.
“Look, Y/N, I really really like you. But as much as I want to be, I’m not ready for a relationship right now. I’m sorry, I never meant to lead you on.”
Tears spring out of your eyes despite your desperate attempts to keep them in. Though you are completely understanding, your heart still breaks at the news. “It’s okay Tara, I get it.”
She wants so badly to reach out and comfort you, but she feels she’s done enough damage for one night. 
You pull your knees up to your chest and cry softly. Tara, who you had flirted with and even kissed several different times, was now telling you she didn't want a relationship. Your hopes had been so high that things were going to work out romantically between the two of you that you hadn't prepared yourself for the possibility of being turned away. Regardless of the way your chest aches with sorrow, you feel stupid for crying in front of Tara, who has gone through so much. 
You swipe your tears away aggressively, berating yourself for your moment of weakness. “Can we still be friends?”
You don’t even really know why you’d asked the question. Being just friends with Tara, the girl you feel so strongly for, is going to tear you apart from the inside out. A whole new set of tears trickles uselessly down your face, clouding your vision completely. 
Tara’s heart clenches at the sadness that oozes out of you, “Of course.”
You can’t stay here anymore and let Tara witness you being a worthless mess. You call out to Anika and Mindy, who come rushing over. 
Before they make it into earshot, you whisper to Tara, “I’m sorry. I know it’s the asshole move, but I just need some time to get a handle on my feelings for you. I still really want to be your friend, but I can’t do it right away. I care about you so much, so please keep yourself safe.”
A protest flies out of her mouth as you stand up and dust yourself off. “I’m so sorry Tara, thank you for trusting me with everything, I’ll never tell another soul. See you in a bit.”
Anika and Mindy arrive shortly after you tell Tara goodbye. They try to call out to your retreating form, but you’re too wrapped up in your deprecating thoughts to listen. The three girls can only watch helplessly as you trudge further and further away.
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