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randomwordprompts · 5 years ago

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If It’s Magic | Chapter 7

A/N: This is a bit longer than my usual posts, but it’s worth the read. You’ll probably wanna cuss me out after, so I’m prepared for the feedback.

Warnings: angst, smut if you squint

Taglist: @bakarilennox @oceanscorazon @wakandas-vibranium @wakandan-flowerz @soufcakmistress @supersizemeplz @reaperdeldrunk @great-neckpectations @babygirlofwakanda @storibambino @yaachtynoboat711 @thebesstjewl

“Amira, wait!”

Xavier called out to the retreating form of the young woman he loves, garnering stares from the people around him as he slumped back in his seat instead of chasing her. His mind replayed the second half of their conversation that escalated into the beginnings of an argument before she left him at the table alone.

“If I was that easy to love why did you lie, Xavier?”

He was at a slight loss for words. He didn’t expect her to ask that, if anything. Instead of trying to placate her, he tried to be honest without being harsh.

“I fucked up, Amira. I broke our rules and I just...I’m sorry.”

“Ya know, I didn’t even care about you breaking that stupid ass rule. We feed off people’s desires, that’s nature and I would never ask you to try and change that. But it’s the fact that you lied to me. Me, of all people. You chose to do that and now you can’t deal with the consequences.”

Her tone made him pull back slightly, stung by the truth in her words.

“Of course I miss you! I feel like a part of me has been missing ever since you left, I won’t deny that. But if we’re being totally honest I didn’t think it would matter to you, which is why I didn’t tell you about that girl coming by. I wasn’t trying to hurt you.”

Amira looked at him like he’d grown a second head that she wanted to smack right off of him.

“So you thought you were protecting me by lying? You are so full of shit right now! If you were actually being honest you’d say the reason why you didn’t tell me was that you were still hurt over me turning down your proposal.”

“What?! Amira we talked about that and you made it clear that it would be better to wait.”

“Yes we did, but you’re so used to getting everything handed to you that you expected me to cave. That’s the truth that you won’t say and until you’re honest with yourself and me I don’t want to see you again.”

“Me? Used to things handed to me?? That’s very ironic coming from the pampered princess that rode her father’s name through most of her li-”

Before he could finish Amira stood and punched him in the face, resulting in a busted lip and slightly swollen jaw.

“You keep my family’s name out of your fucking mouth. Just because you never knew your fucked up father doesn’t mean you can degrade mine. I worked to get where I am and the people that made me had nothing to do with that. Goodbye, Xavier.”

With that she grabbed her wallet and phone and turned to walk out of the restaurant, ignoring the gasps and murmurs of the other patrons.

After paying for the check and making it clear he wasn’t going to call the police, Xavier grabbed his keys from the table and made his way back to the dorms.

…

“You punched him?!”

“I’m so proud, I’m gonna need a tissue.”

“Shut up Fran, that’s not a good thing!”

“To be fair, she could’ve done worse. We all remember what happened to Justin.”

“Yeah, it took five grown men to pull her off him and we had to pay a small fortune to keep his parents from pressing charges.”

Amira paced in her kitchen with a small towel full of ice on her hand, listening to the varying reactions of her family when she relayed to them what happened. Lucy sat in the living room listening to both the story and the six people trying to talk at once. When she called it was only her mother but at the words “fight with Xavier” everyone gathered in Hannibal’s study to find out what happened. So far everyone spoke except her father and Amira was tired of them going back and forth so she interjected.

“Hey, guys! Y’all are talking a lot but saying nothing relevant right now. Dad, your opinion?”

It was quiet on the other end of the phone as everyone waited to hear what he’d say since he’d been silent until this point. Sitting behind his desk, Hannibal was silent for a moment longer before he finally replied.

“He shouldn’t have said what he did, but you also shouldn’t have punched him, frau. As you know, two wrongs never make a right.”

Amira sighed and looked over at Lucy, who was not at all trying to hide that she was listening in.

“I guess. But I meant what I said and I’m not going to apologize for that.”

“Understandable, but give it some time. Maybe you two will be able to talk when things are less tense.”

“I don’t know dad, we’ll see.”

…

“What the hell did you do??”

It was a statement instead worded as a question that Daniel posed as Xavier walked through the door of their shared space with a napkin held to his busted lip. At the implication that he caused his minor injury, the incubus went into full defense mode.

“I didn’t do shit! I asked that spoiled brat a question and she accused me of something that wasn’t true. When I told her about herself, she got mad and punched me.”

“So you ran into Amira, she told you the truth you don’t wanna hear yet, you got defensive like you are now and insulted her, and she decked your foot-in-mouth ass. Did I miss anything?” Daniel asked with a straight face.

Xavier huffed and sat on the couch as his angry facade began to crack. He knew that Amira was right, but hearing it out loud from her lips drove him to deny it out of fear that she’d simply cut him off again, which she did anyway after he said what he did.

“Man...I fucked up. She’s going to go and fall in love with this Jason nigga and I’ll be stuck with a hole in my heart.”

“Or, hear me out, you can apologize and try to start over. It took time to build what y’all had and it’s gonna take time to get it back. Right now you just have to accept her relationship and focus on being her friend.”

“I guess you’re right. I’ve got some work to do, but I need to find out if our bond is still as strong as it used to be…”

…

Two Days Later

Amira and Jason are on the couch of his temporary apartment cuddled together, Jason smoking a blunt of his special blend of Indica. His free hand rested on Amira’s lower back while they idly watched Fresh Prince re-runs, his mind clouded with both the weed and how to broach the subject of what he’d said to her just a few days ago.

“Mira, can I ask you something?”

“Yeah babe, what’s up?”

Jason hesitated before replying, “Do you love me?”

“Wh-what?”

“I said, do you love me? Because when I said it the other day you kinda clammed up on me.”

Amira sighed and took a minute together her thoughts before deciding that right then wasn’t the time to break his heart. As much as she liked Jason, and she liked him a lot, she didn’t love him and knew that even if she did it wouldn’t be like he loved her. With that in mind, she decided to save that conversation for another day.

“I’m sorry I hung up on you, I was just caught off-guard and then Xavier showed up out of nowhere and I had a knee-jerk reaction. Forgive me baby?” her answer was ended with a sweet kiss to his lips, one that made him give a smile that reached his hazy eyes.

Having him distracted Amira kissed him again but slower, deeper, slipping her tongue into his mouth with ease as his hands started to roam her soft body. Without another word, he sat up and she straddled his lap, hands going into his hair as he directed his lips to the column of her throat and trailed down towards the valley between her breasts. Amira smirked to herself as she felt him start to harden beneath her, prompting her to roll her hips slowly against the growing length.

It didn’t take long for heated kisses and fondling to turn into Amira and Jason doing a familiar horizontal dance on the couch. Amira bounced on his dick at her own pace, enjoying the faces and sounds she could pull out of him as she got her fill, the energy flowing from him giving her a high that was totally different from what he got while smoking. Just when she leaned her head back to give Jason access to her neck once more she heard what sounded like a faint voice saying her name. She assumed it was Jason and simply tugged on his hair again as she rolled her hips a bit more fervently, gasping when she heard her name again.

“Amira…”

Her eyes popped open as she realized it wasn’t Jason, but Xavier’s voice she heard. She knew he wasn’t there, they hadn’t spoken since their fight a few days ago, but she knew that voice anywhere. Not letting her movements falter she looked around as subtly as she could so as to not alert Jason to what she was doing. Not seeing the source of the sound she tried to relax and told herself she was hearing things. She closed her eyes and bit back a moan as her movements sped up, Jason slapping her ass at the same time she heard the voice saying her name again. Her lips parted in a gasp as she felt a familiar sensation shoot up her spine, one that she hadn’t felt in months but she’d never forget. Amira’s eyes rolled back behind her lids as she felt her climax approaching, the voice growing louder and more urgent in her ears.

“Amira, I need you. Can you feel me? Because I can feel you, mon petit…”

She let her head fall back as she felt her body release, her pitch rising as she said his name in a yelp. It wasn’t until she realized Jason stopped dead in his tracks that she realized exactly who’s name she said.

“Did you just call me Xavier?!”

Amira’s head snapped forward and she met Jason’s shocked gaze, his hurt quickly turning into anger the more he replayed the moment in his mind. Before she could respond he pulled back from her arms and looked at her in a way she knew all too well, though that still didn’t prepare her for the accusation that came from his lips next.

“Is that why you didn’t tell me you loved me the other day? Because you were fucking him?”

“Excuse me?! Jason are you serious right now?”

“You’re asking me that like you didn’t just say his name during sex! What else could it be?”

Amira pinched the bridge of her nose before getting up from Jason’s lap, grabbing a t-shirt and pulling it on while she put some physical distance between them before she found herself saying something she’d regret.

“I can’t explain why I said his name without sounding completely insane, but I didn’t fuck Xavier.”

Jason scoffed as he pulled his boxer briefs and sweats back on, glaring at the back of her head.

“I don’t know why I’m surprised, honestly. I fell in love with a succubus and expected her to be faithful.”

Amira paused the small sway she was doing when the words left his mouth, a pain settling in her chest and spreading as she turned to return his glare. When he saw the look on her face, he felt a tinge of regret, knowing how sensitive she was about that subject. Feeling bad at that thought he opened his mouth to apologize only to have her hold up her hand and stop him. Without another word Amira started to collect the rest of her clothes and get dressed, Jason watching her and trying to find the right words to say. When she had everything she walked over to him and got so close that if she was tall enough they would’ve been nose to nose, ensuring he’d hear exactly what she had to say when she opened her mouth.

“If I wanted to play into the stereotype of being a succubus, just know I would’ve killed you the first night we were together. Asshole.”

#If It's Magic #Amira and Xavier #the lectors #angst #original characters #My writing #random writing #randomwordprompts #random stories

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ilovehatembj · 6 years ago

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Man Up Part 2

@eriksbabymama @sweettea-and-honeybutter @Ljstraightnochaser @amethyst1993 @laketaj24 @daytimeheroicsonly @uhlxis @drsunshine97 @supernovaah @muse-of-mbaku @zuzuspanda @chefjessypooh @purple-apricots @hold-me-like-a-heart-beat @cockyboysandsugarism @destinio1 @siriuslycollins @dreadedphilosphy @texasbama @blackmisfitsunite @cool-pen-name @madamslayy @slimmiyagi @blackchickfics @omg-blackqueen @blue-ishx @maliadestiny @yourstrulyylauren

I didn’t think that many people would read my stuff let alone like it! Thanks for sharing and the positive comments, I hope you guys like this one and all the other parts that are gonna come!

Pairing: Reader x MBJ, Reader x OBJ

Warnings: Very light smut and cursing

“What the fuck did you just say to me Michael?!”

“I said was your business escorting that nigga. I was kindly asking if your business was prostitution if you didn’t catch my drift.” As soon as that nigga finished that sentence a headline popped into your head “Well Known Actor Michael B. Jordan Dead at Age 31”. But then you remembered that Odell still hadn’t been in your throat and that you prefer your wine from anywhere but a toilet, so you just pushed the thought to the back of your mind.

“Yeah I caught your drift alright. Who the fuck are you to ask me about my business any fucking way nigga?”

“Y/N, I am your man. That’s who I am to ask about your business.” he yelled with agitation in his voice, “You know what I’m not arguing with you over the phone. I’ll pick you up from the airport when you land, bye”. He hung up before you could even refuse. You decided not to even dwell on the conversation. Michael wasn’t on your mind and he didn’t deserve to be. Your mind was on someone much more deserving of all the dirty thoughts that lingered from moments prior. Or maybe it was months? It didn’t matter though cause after you got settled into bed for the night you were tired…..but your mind and body were still craving Odell’s touch, but you had to settle for your own.

As usual you were a sight to see and knowing that only turned you on more. Hair up in a bun and nude underneath of your white silky robe, you started at the valley of your breasts, then your hands moved to massage and play with both of your breasts. With closed eyes you envisioned it was Odell pinching and licking your nipples. Your hands started making their way down to your melted pussy. You slowly rubbed on your clit, then—your phone started going bezerk. You had gotten 15 messages in 1 minute and your phone was still going off because of an incoming Facetime call, all from the same person—it was Michael’s older sister Jamila a.k.a thorn in your fucking side for the past 3 years.

“Hi, Jamila”

“Bitch, don’t try to be cordial with me! You out here fucking around on my brother? With a injured ass sorry ass NFL player! I been told that boy you were nothing but an Instagram thot!”

“First of all you C-list Hollywood extra, I got your Instagram thot. You haven’t been relevant since you were an extra in I am Legend, leech ass hoe. Since you worried about things other than your sad ass marriage worry about your cheating ass brother and the actual Instagram thots he’s fucking, and the subpar ass strippers you and your husband been bringing into y’all bedroom. If you gon pay for pussy make sure the face that go to it pretty, bitch.” You hung up, you clearly had some shit to get off your chest after dealing with 3 years of her ass trying you and added the extra tea courtesy of Chyna.

You decided you were too exhausted to try to satisfy yourself tonight. The Jordans have officially pissed you off and a bitch had a flight to catch tomorrow.

You woke up late at 9 A.M. like you didn’t have a 12 P.M. flight to catch. You checked your phone and saw something unusual, a snapchat from that nigga. You opened it and your heart dropped to your stomach. You had every intention on ending everything with this nigga today, and you still were without a question, but you never thought he would take his disrespecting of you to this level. It was a video of him tongue deep with a very familiar Instagram hoe, Ashlyn. This bitch was always around everywhere. And the last time you had seen her in person it was NYE in LA and she was kissing that nigga when the clock struck midnight. When you confronted him about it then he said it was nothing, but your gut told you otherwise. You realized that you couldn’t handle this nigga how you your emotions were telling you to. You had to hit this nigga where he’d feel you most and it wasn’t gonna be through just destroying his cars.

You just wanted your time in NY to be over with so you just threw on some black leggings and a sweatshirt and headed down to your Uber and then to the airport. On the way there you got a call from Odell.

“Good morning lady”

“Good morning”

“You doing okay?” That was a weird question because last night for the most part went well, unless this nigga sent him the videos of him and that hoe as well.

“I’m fine. That’s an odd question for the morning after a date not gone bad.”

“I was just asking because I know he called you last night and cause of the comments under The Shade Room’s pictures of us—” you stopped him right there.

“What comments?”

“Damn. I figured you already seen them. I’m sorry. Just, just forget I said anything. You leave for the airport yet? If not I can take you, any reason to see your beautiful smile.”

“Okay, well I’m already in my Uber on the way to the airport now, but thank you anyway. Can I call you back when I land? We pulling up to the airport now.”

“Yeah, that’s fine but don’t forget.”

“I won’t!”

“Aight, have a good flight”

Ignoring Odell you decided to creep to see what on TSR’s ig sent that nigga into a life-threatening frenzy and check to see what comments Odell was talking about. After finally scrolling through their feed for a good while you see the three pictures that made that nigga see that he was the very definition of replaceable. The first one was simple, just a shot of the two looking at each other at your dinner table, the second one was just as simple. The third one though, THAT one is the one. The third picture could’ve been on the front y’all wedding invites (We speak positivity into existence over this way honey). Y’all were walking out of the restaurant and smiling looking into each other’s eyes, Odell’s hand was guiding you by your lower back out of Morimoto, and you looked at pure peace. The caption was generic as hell, “Y/N, what’s the tea sis?”, but a comment thread caught your attention. It was this bitch Saweetie. You read her comment that said, “Damn. Why ain’t Mike call me last night?”. You saw RED. You asked for your driver to pull over to the nearest FedEx Kinkos cause you wanted this nigga to see that it wasn’t just cheating, it was the balls these type of bitches grew. You printed out the screenshots of her comment and asked the driver to speed so you could still catch your flight on time. You left him a fat ass tip for doing you those major favors.

You’re flight was smooth and you landed back in LA around noon your time. That nigga was waiting for you and he looked like his body was repaying his ass for that stunt and whatever other bullshit he did last night, he looked badly hungover. He didn’t speak to you, you didn’t speak to him, you just followed him to the car. Once y’all got in the car you snatched the aux away from that nigga so quickly and played your new favorite song. As soon as this nigga heard “Oochie wally bang bang” that nigga’s face dropped and he nervously started a conversation with you.

“So um, about last night, what were those um pictures?”

“Can this wait till we get to my house? I really like this song”

“Where’d you even hear this song”

“Can we discuss that later too? It’s getting to my favorite part”, he looked away and you sung along, “I’m in music, you in acting,so we keep that low profile, private and low key you know that is my type of style”. This nigga kept switching his focus between you and the road and just stared in pure confusion. When y’all finally pulled in the garage of your condo he beat you to the trunk of his car and grabbed all your luggage and even held the door to your building for you. What had suddenly gotten into this nigga? Was the Michael Bakari Jordan fearful?

Once y’all walked through your door he walked to bedroom, dropped your bags, came back out and asked, “So, now can we talk about those pictures?”

“Yeah, but first we need to talk about a few other things. First let’s play a guessing game. Let’s guess who this hip-hop pass around was talking about in this song.” You played “23” again staring at him as he stared at the floor. The song finished.

“Easy, Drake.”

“Really? Drizzy?” you asked with a scrunched face holding your hands trying to not catch a DV charge.

“Yeah, matter of fact I saw her at one of his house parties in November.” Nigga really thought he was clever.

“Damn, well this bitch clearly didn’t know how to spell Drake under TSR’s comments today”. You pulled the screenshots of her comment out and put it in his face. “SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT YOU NIGGA!” You screamed. “I KNOW FOR DAMN SURE SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT YOU BECAUSE WHEN YOU HAD JUST GOTTEN YOUR i8 I HADN’T EVEN WORE MY BLONDE WIG IN IT AND I FOUND A MOTHERFUCKIN’ BLONDE HAIR! AND THE LINE ABOUT Y’ALL FUCKIN’ IN A CAR PROVED IT EVEN MORE CAUSE YOU BEEN SLANGIN’ YOUR MEDIOCRE ASS DICK AROUND HOLLYWOOD AND PHILLY. MEDIOCRE DICK THAT FURTHER DECLINED IN QUALITY WHEN YOU CAME HOME TO ME. YOU CAN KEEP YOUR LIMP NOT UP TO MUCH DICK AND THE BASIC BITCHES THAT COME WITH IT. DON’T SAY SHIT TO ME. DON’T ASK ME ABOUT NO FUCKIN’ PICTURES, DON’T ASKED IF I FUCKED HIM BECAUSE NO I DIDN’T BECAUSE YOU DECIDED TO RUIN MY FUCKIN’ NIGHT BY CALLING ME. YOU FUCKIN’ COCKBLOCK.”

“Y/N, you know-”

“NIGGA GET OUT AND TELL YOUR FUGLY ASS SISTER NOT TO CALL ME BACK ON BS UNLESS SHE REALLY WITH THE SHITS”

“Baby them bitches meant NOTHING! I promise!”

“Odell—” Ooop. Bitch its EVIDENT who you were thinking about. A part of you said Odell’s name on purpose because you wanted that nigga to know how done you were with him. Once you said that, that nigga was fuming.

“BITCH WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?”

“BITCH I CALLED YOU THE NIGGAS NAME THAT I’M THINKING ABOUT. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE MAD ABOUT SHIT! ESPECIALLY AFTER THAT SNAPCHAT STUNT YOU PULLED WITH THAT HOE ASHLYN.”

“OKAY YEAH, Y/N I FUCKED HER LAST NIGHT BUT SHE SENT YOU THAT VIDEO WHEN SHE GOT AHOLD OF MY PHONE. BUT I’LL LEAVE! I DON’T CARE DAWG! YOU NEED ME! I DON’T NEED YO ASS! MAYBE IF YOU WASN’T SO BORING I WOULDN’T BE FUCKING THESE OTHER BITCHES” Did this nigga just magically forget all the connections that you’ve made FOR HIM?! Fuck the part about being “boring” you knew you were FAR from that. This nigga was set to be in a Ciroc commercial because you knew Diddy well because he went way back with your dad. This same nigga was able to be on Snoop Dogg’s VH1 show because Snoop considered you to be an actual niece. You were the only reason this nigga was able to say he knew so many Black celebrities. But all that was about to change as soon as that nigga left. You calmed down, walked him to the door and said, “If you say so”. “I’m done witcho ass. I paid for some pornstar titties and it’s time to go play with em.” You closed the door calmly. With everything that came out of that nigga’s mouth you finally realized what was wrong with him, he didn’t appreciate or value your presence, he was only still with you because he didn’t wanna know what your absence felt like.

You had calls to make. First it was Uncle Snoop and Diddy. All you had to say was he called you outta your name. He lost one endorsement. Then you called Dr. Dre, he still had some ownership of Beats, so he had a say in who was the face of it. That nigga lost an endorsement he was supposed to shoot for in a week. Then you called all of LA’s finest, from Nipsey Hussle to YG to the LAPD this nigga was a walking target. Your dad was well respected in LA so naturally the Bloods, Crips, and 5-0 would unite under your thumb. Then you called Pusha-T, this nigga could get all of hip-hop to hate one nigga at the drop of a dime. You have officially cost this nigga at least $15 million and potentially his life. You couldn’t careless, honestly.

You still had one more person to call and your night would exponentially better. Odell.

“Hello?”

“Hey, did your flight get delayed?

“No.”

“When you get home?”

“A few hours ago. I’m calling late be—”

“Its cool, I understand, you don’t have to let me down easy.”

“Odell, exactly what am I letting you down from?”

“Us, or a chance at us rather”

“See, you gotta let me finish my sentences. I was going to say I was late calling because I broke up with him.”

“Word?! Like forreal?”

“Forreal! Mister I think can read people’s brains”

“HAHA. You had me nervous girl. Damn. You gotta be quicker witcho points though. That whole miscommunication was on you.”

“You may have a point”

“Since I have a point how bout an invite to LA”

“Hmmmm. Consider this your invite.”

“I can be there Saturday”

“I’ll pick you up from the airport”

“Should I um, get a room at a hotel?”

“See I think there’s some sort of convention going on and I’m 1000% sure that every hotel in LA is booked. You don’t have to call and check either. Just take my word for it.”

“I think I know what convention you’re talking about.” The two of you laughed at your mutual understanding of what non-existent convention was going on. After you all sorted all the details he let you vent to him. You told him what you were feeling and why you were feeling it. You felt so at ease.

*Fast Forward to Friday Night*

You cleared out your schedule for the weekend and you were excited! You went to bed with butterflies in your stomach because you couldn’t wait until tomorrow morning!

#fanfic #michael b jordan imagine #erik killmonger imagine #odell beckham jr #black panther #nfl #man up

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immoral-summer · 6 years ago

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On the topic of PewDiePie

@tearahi

I’m going to both address the main topic and minor tidbits from each of your articles, but let’s start with your articles:

Popular YouTube Streamer Promotes Channel That Publishes Anti-Semitic Content

The article talks about Felix calling someone a “crybaby” because of the gender wage gap. In case you didn’t know, the gender wage gap is a perpetuated myth that only “exists” because of averaged differences in each gender’s work area.

What I mean is that men, because they’re typically stronger and more lenient towards hard labor, they’ll work said labor-intensive jobs that earn more, whereas women typically work in “easy” jobs, such as secretary, office, teaching, etc. There’s no wage gap.

YouTube’s most popular user amplified anti-Semitic rhetoric. Again.

One thing I must mention is bias. Vox is typically left-leaning, so I’m going to assume this article is chock full of left-leaning bias from the start...

Told you.

This article also mentions past grievances, the “nazi salute video” and the “Fiverr anti-semitic sign video” specifically.

Upon finding the infamous “Nazi Salute” video, it seems to me like it’s... a joke. It’s a mockery of his “fame” and “persona”. I’m not shocked that journalists would use this, tbqh.

The Fiverr incident was satirical. It was meant to convey a message that Fiverr has no moderation. In general, Fiverr is an untrustworthy site, that famous “Credit Card Digits” guy got into legal trouble because Fiverr didn’t bother giving him the earnings he got after a ban. Take a quick Google search to find that one out.

The article also mentions the video in question, noting that “the first 15 seconds of part two contain a reference to a 2017 incident in which PewDiePie himself dropped a racial slur...”, which isn’t at all relevant to the topic. Yet another strategically-placed bit of bias to make people dislike Felix because of a slip-up that he’s apologized and faced consequences for many times already.

Not only that, the article mentions his followers’ ages, not realizing that parents exist and that not teaching your child about the proper ways and tips on using the Internet is what brings about its dire effects. The article also attempts to speak about the “Sub to PewDiePie” meme as negative. Vox describes it as “aggressive” to say a simple phrase. The article makes the fans look aggressive.

It’s also interesting how Vox mentions WSJ’s “investigation” on PewDiePie, where they even say that WSJ “emailed Disney representatives for comment on the content of his videos”. Sounds to me like the WSJ is attempting a CNN and either blackmailing or pressuring executives.

PewDiePie Receives Backlash After Recommending Anti-Semitic, White Supremacist YouTube Channel

I’d like to use this article to mention something that I strongly dislike about YouTube and this controversy’s hypocrisy.

Remember when Logan Paul video-taped a man hanging from the Aokigahara Forest in Japan? Remember how this caused the infamous “Ad-pocalypse” on YouTube, where advertisers were bailing out due to the controversy, which caused the entire “Demonetization” feature to occur on YouTube, which subsequently ruined multiple channels due to petty shit like “offensive language”?

Yeah, after that, Logan got his little movie released on YouTube Premium, whereas Felix’s “anti-semitism” scrapped his whole Premium show. Here’s the website’s article on this issue. I hope you can understand why I mentioned this.

Your last article doesn’t mention much, so this is where I’ll begin the main topic:

The video itself seems fine. There’s minor edgy post-editing, and his opinions are very out-there in terms of broadcasting it to his fans. I don’t understand how this video that he enjoyed with edgy humor is somehow making Felix out to be a “white supremacist nazi”

To reference Vox’s terrible article, they mentioned that this video was one of many “dog-whistles” to instill “white supremacist propaganda”. They also specify that the video contained “racial slurs” and all I heard was “nigga”. Says a lot about their fucking credibility, huh?

Also, I fully watched Part 2, which was linked in one of your articles alongside referencing the Charlotesville Attack, and I didn’t see said reference. Do let me know if there’s a timestamp for it, cause the commentary’s got me bored.

and with that, this is where I begin my first point:

Stop taking everything online so seriously.

This is hypocritical coming from some kid online who hates the idea of radical feminists even touching him, but this is a serious point to make.

It’s understandable, morally, to give grievance when someone makes an “edgy” joke or uses 4chan memes. Yes, boo hoo, someone online, for example, called you a “faggot”. I know it affects people, I know it’ll hurt being called a slur or some shit. We need to start taking the idea of the internet into play when discussing this type of shit.

The internet is anonymous. The internet has countless amounts of opinions, personalities, and worldviews. You can’t apply your thinking and understanding of your personal opinions onto others. You can’t say “don’t say faggot” and expect people to listen.

The only tip I can give you from this is just... don’t take the internet so seriously... unless there’s some call to action that can threaten your life, or some shit obviously, but you’re better fucking off just sweeping shit like this as either “stupid” or “funny” instead of getting your panties in a twist over tiny, petty comments that you’re inevitably going to see online.

And now my second point:

Stop fully believing in the media, especially when you haven’t confirmed anything yourself.

While the articles mention E;R as a whole, they continuously use the same video Felix mentioned as some sort of “proof”, even though there was little-to-no “white supremacy propaganda” or “nazism” in the video linked. This is why you fact check before assuming things are correct.

To give you a better example, look at the recent Covington Students controversy, where CNN gave a false report that painted teenaged students as “racists” due to edited footage. Nobody attempted to research and a bandwagon of angry people began to harass, dox, and threaten death upon the teens until someone had released a full 2 hour video that showed the teens’ innocence.

On top of this, some of your articles mention Felix’s past transgressions, even though these events were either satirical examples or poking fun at idolization.

Instead of telling the truth, your sources began the infamous train of hate, purposefully used said past videos as “proof” that he’s “anti-semitic” and a “nazi”, and Vox had even detailed WSJ’s blackmail scheme to get PewDiePie fucked. You and the others took the bait and are still lost in the sauce.

Take that as you will, I’m done here.

If you need clarification on anything, feel free to @ me. I’m going to hope you at least skim through instead of pushing this aside.

#pewdiepie #felix kjellberg

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hopeishappinessff · 6 years ago

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Holding Onto Hope: Chapter 38.2

Chris

“Why hadn’t you told me that Sy’Diyah is pregnant Chris?” We were sitting outside now at a table just outside of the visitor’s room. It was still gated because I guess they just couldn’t risk one of us crazies getting loose. My mom sat across from me frequently dabbing at the undersides of her eyes while the tip of her nose remained as red as Rudolph and Eze sat at her side quietly, as he should have been. It took almost twenty full minutes to get my mother to calm down enough to talk her into going outside for some fresh air, but now she was completely calm and beginning to jump into questions I thought we could have avoided.

“I don’t know…” I mumbled, still entirely too ashamed to raise my head to look her in the eye.

“You don’t know? Look at me…” Hesitantly, I raised my head and scanned the premises, glanced over at Eze, down at my lap, then with a defeated sigh I finally locked my gaze on her, “You don’t know?”

“I was afraid ma.” My voice hadn’t lifted much higher than a soft mumble and I silently prayed that she wouldn’t call me on it and force me to speak louder because I was almost ashamed to do even that.

“Afraid of what Christopher?”

“I don’t know,” I paused because I could see the irritation rising in her enflamed cheeks as she stared at me, “I thought you’d be mad.”

“Be mad? Mad for what baby? You can’t just hide something like that from me.” I could only shake my head and drop my gaze, because whether she wanted me to or not… I just couldn’t bear looking her in the eye any longer. Was she even listening to a word she was saying?

“Chris,” Instinctively my head shot up and I glared at Eze because I honestly wasn’t sure why he felt he had the right to speak to me at all, let alone say my name, “I… I think what your mother is trying to say is, regardless of how you thought she would feel… you should have just told her upfront.”

“Why the fuck are you speaking to me?” The words blurted from my mouth like diarrhea before I could think to stop myself and I instantly heard a gasp from my mom.

“Christopher!”

“No, really… why? Who are you to interpret anything that my mother has to say to me? You have nothing to do with this… don’t fucking speak to me.” I could feel it… the anger. But my mind wasn’t quite registering the concept of shutting my mouth before I lost complete control.

“Chris that’s enough!” Thank goodness my mom was still sitting there, barking these demands at me to get me to shut up. She was my only source of sanity while this man sat across from me, staring at me as if I was the son that he truly gave a fuck about.

“Now listen to me,” She started, staring intently at me with a cautionary glint in her eye, “The only thing I can truly be upset with you about is the fact that you didn’t tell me that Sy’Diyah was pregnant sooner and I had to find out by that rude ass heffa in that room.”

Any other time I probably would have laughed at the sound of my mom cursing because it was so rare and always cracked me up when she did do it, but the somber expression on her face told me I should keep all shits and giggles to myself.

“Do you know how far along is she?” She asked.

“The last time I spoke to Dr. Yates, she said she was about eighteen weeks along.”

Silence consumed us then and I quickly glanced up at her only to find dabbing her nose with the Kleenex again and shaking her head. She wore the deepest frown on her face that concerned me because I really couldn’t tell what it meant.

“I will not tell you that I’m mad, or angry, or disappointed because at the end of the day… this is your life. But… baby, look at what’s going on right now,” Tossing her hands up lightly in the air as if demonstrating what it was that was going on, she shook her head again and sighed, “Can you really handle another child in the midst of all this?”

I failed to answer her… because I knew I had no valid point to argue. Ultimately I knew she meant no harm in what she’d said. It hurt to know that she wasn’t bouncing for joy the way I damn near did the day I found out about the pregnancy, but I certainly wasn’t expecting her to. She had joint custody over my first child for crying out loud.

“I just want you to get better Chris. I want you to be able to live up to everything I told those people in that room back there. I have the utmost confidence in you baby, but… I’m just worried is all.”

Her tone dropped toward the end of her sentence and I prayed that she wouldn’t burst into tears again. One of the hardest things in life for me to endure was the sound of Hope and my mother crying. They were two of the most important women in my life and it never failed to tear me up when they shed tears in front of me… because of me.

“Don’t… don’t worry ma. I’m gonna get better.” I mumbled.

“You’ve got our support through this Chris.”

He just wasn’t gonna let me make it… the man was determined to see me fail, I knew he was. Eze should have known that his presence was not going to be beneficial to me now or ever, yet he somehow insisted on showing up here today… and now he wanted to keep talking to me after I told him not to…

“Man why won’t you just shut up?” I tried to keep the question as PG as possible for the sake of my mother sitting there staring at me, but the nigga was really trying my patience.

“Chris I’m not here to start any trouble with you. I’m just here to help and support as best…”

“I do not need help or support from you Eze. I don’t need shit from you… just go. Please…”

“Christopher!’ My mom barked before either of us could get another word out, “I will not tolerate you speaking like that in front of me. You need to calm down, right now.”

Clicking my tongue off the roof of my mouth, I slithered the appendage along the front of my teeth, rolled my eyes, and made a move to ease back from my seat. The easiest and most polite and respectable thing for me to do in this undesirable situation was to simply remove myself from it. I didn’t want to disobey my mother or disrespect her in anyway, but I also wasn’t about to continue sitting at that table with this bitch of a man in front of me.

“He is here to help you son, you need to sit down and listen to what…”

“I’ll talk to you later ma.” I cut her off as calmly as possible then swung my left leg from beneath the table and pressed both hands down onto the surface of it to stand up.

“Chris he’s paying for you to be here,” She blurted, just as I stood completely behind the bench I’d just been occupying, “And he’s paying the remaining balance for your eight-month treatment plan so that you can come home early.”

From the look on my mom’s face alone, I knew she hadn’t planned on revealing that tad bit of information like that… or even at all. We stared at each other for a while… her with sorrow tugging her brows down pitifully and me with a completely blank expression. I’m not sure how long I stood there with my hands calmly tucked into the front pocket of my sweats and my eyes locked on her, but Eze decided then that he wanted to be bold and relevant by clearing his throat to get my attention.

“This isn’t something that she asked of from me. I offered to do this myself because we just want the best for you. This is the least I can do Chris… I owe you a lifetime plus more. Let me start here.” I glared at him… at this man, this dormant monster that probably deserved to be stuck in this fucked up place more than me. My eyes never wavered and for a while I didn’t feel myself blink. I was hoping that by some miracle I would even acquire a temporary superhero power to use my eyes to laser right through his face, but the bright beam of light never came… nor did any urge to lash out on him. I was simply annoyed by him and his presence and his words and his existence and his face and the air that he breathed and…

“Chris?” Snatching my burning stare away from the face of Lucifer himself, I turned to face my mom and waited quietly for her to speak up before I cleared the scene. I currently had no desire to be anywhere near either of them after that revelation.

“Chris baby… I’m not trying to give you a hard time or make you upset in anyway. I just want what’s best for you and I don’t want to keep you in this place. But baby I can’t afford to get you out of here on my own. Just let us help you… let him help you.”

My stare danced from the face of my begging mother to the face of Lucifer sitting beside her then down to the tabletop. I didn’t feel angry or upset… just confused. I didn’t understand why she was suddenly so trusting of him. Was he not the same man who beat the shit out of her in her sons face time and time again then suddenly dipped out and left us in the cold for some family he randomly decided to do right by? Was this not the same fucking man who nearly tried to kill me because I was evidently better than the son he chose over me?

“I’ll see you at my next hearing ma.” Not bothering to take another look in that man’s direction, I turned on my heels and made my way back into the building. I didn’t hear either of them call after me and for that, I was thankful. I didn’t have any fight in me today. And at this point I didn’t even know if I truly deserved to leave this place at all.

#chrisbrown #chrisbrownff #chrisbrownfanfic #jasminesanders #chrisbrownfanfiction #jasminesandersff #teambreezy #teambreezyff #fanfiction #fanfic

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ericleo108 · 6 years ago

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Reconstructing Racism

The following is how we have to reconstruct racism to be mutually beneficial in the new millennium. It’s important to know sociologically that race doesn’t exist, it’s socially constructed. The difference in the skin comes because black people have more melanin. Hating someone for black skin is just as arbitrary as hating someone for their eye color. A good example of this is Jane Elliot’s Color Blind Experiment. If you hate another “race” you just show your ignorance.

In Malcolm Gladwell’s “Blink,” he takes the test about black and white faces and he tests positive for bias against blacks, but he’s not white, Malcolm is Hawaiian. The experiment in the book “Blink” shows everyone is inherently a little racist against black people. The question is, what are we to do about it?

Institutionalized Racism

Black people do have it worse off. The cards are not stacked in their favor. There is the percentage of black people in the population, 11%, and the disproportionate population in prison 50%. Black people have to deal with DWB, driving while black. Then we have the real problem of institutionalized racism where blacks are less likely to get a loan. They are likely to experience job discrimination, housing discrimination, or racial profiling in their lifetime. Everyone knows about the Black Lives Matter movement against police violence against blacks. Due to America never giving proper reparations and institutionalized racism, blacks are still disproportionately poor. Affirmative action helps to correct this but it’s still not good enough.

The statistics to make it to adulthood are so bad that a high percentage of blacks don’t make it past 25. 25 is a magic number in criminal justice. If you don’t have a criminal record by 25 you’re likely never to have one. Same goes with surviving. This has everything to do with the Kanye West’s lyric “We wasn’t supposed to make it past 25, jokes on you we still alive.”

Institutionalized Racism

I can understand why black people get so offended by the word nigga if it was used against them negatively as a derogatory slur especially due to modern socio economic conditions. What I don’t get is why they perpetuate a self-detrimental economic ideology when economics is the real problem with racism. If you have a million dollars as a black man and I call you nigger it’s way less effective than if your impoverished.

Kanye West talks about how “four hundred years later, we buying our own chains” in Saint Pablo. I often wonder what he means by this because it seems like behavioral poverty. Ask anybody who is rich and most will say its due to financial discipline. Meanwhile all these black rappers wear chains and flash cash when they should be emulating the opposite to their community. Read The “Love Myself” Treatise to see how Kanye also mess up with “Black Skinhead.”

🍇

Whose fault is that? And is this a self inflicted, self deprecating affliction of control? Basically, is the the double meaning of of the word “nigga” black people thinking they control so little in a white man's world that what they can control is how white people address them or rather how they can't address them? I just wanna know if the black community honestly thinks it's worth it because that's what you're clinging to. I honestly don't think the word nigga is about race but (rather understandably) control or power in an otherwise white centric world.

In this respect, racism is a mental cage with an ingroup morality where whites are not invited into black people’s world. This creates contempt and resentment that results in different “races” like whites and blacks fighting amongst each other. This harboring of discontent is deliberate and purposeful by wealthier interests in America to keep us from focusing on classism which is the real problem in America and why institutionalized racism exists.

Are You In The Ingroup?

If black people could they should just stop saying nigga all together, but that's never gonna happen. The NCAA buried it a long time ago. The good part is that the meaning of words change. Like many other words nigga no longer has the same meaning. Punk used to mean burnt corn and linked is a list of words that changed from positive to negative and vice versa.

I think the fact that white people can’t or shouldn’t say the word nigga is more racist then the use of the word now. It creates an ingroup morality that excludes people based on “race.” The word nigga is positive for blacks but negative to whites. Only white people can't say nigga but it’s also nationalistic because white looking rapper Fat Joe can say it.

Black people are highly intelligent, just watch “Hidden Figures.” But my favorite is when black people don't think they can't be racist. There just like everyone else that makes arbitrary distinctions and “black people” not only differentiate skin tone but also a difference between nigga and nigger. Nigga is more friendly where nigger is more vindictive. The historical relevance to nigger is prominent in black people's minds as a racial slur where nigga is traditionally used for endearment.

The Solution

The solution I have found to fixing the ingroup/outgroup morality of the word nigga is for white people to say it to each other as a term of endearment. White people need to say nigga among their white ingroup/white friends as if the word meant “friend.” Just imagine, I started referring to all my white friends as “my nigga” to the point my black friends want me to call the “my nigga” but I won’t because their black. That’s what I’m talking about, then black people would see how white people feel and if they were truly friends everyone would start calling everyone nigga to be inclusive.

To put it another way, this could be done by white people relentlessly calling their white friends nigga. This achieves two things. It avoids or rejects referring to black people (solely) as niggas so they won't be offended if they're sensitive to the word. Second, it can be used as a tool for empathy, forcing black people to feel excluded from a word that is essentially theirs and makes them desire to involve white people so they don't feel excluded like white people do. This would dissolve the in group morality and make the word inclusionary instead of being exclusionary.

Acceptance

If you like how the word nigga divides black and white people by all means hate me for what I'm trying to do here. But if you wanna help bridge the divide understand what I'm saying and help to transform how everybody sees this word then I would seriously consider a societal effort to change the meaning of the word nigga.

This could be encouraged by black people calling white friends nigga and white people accepting it as a term of endearment. This would also dissolve or disembody the word nigga as a negative racial slur if it came to be known as friend. Black and white people would no longer use it in a derogatory sense because it would counteract the intent if it was used pejoratively. I think white people are just too afraid to do it. Good white people wouldn't want to offend their black brothers and sisters and look racist while black people are still too proud, stubborn, and attached to the control that word brings to encourage the change.

The Native Americans

With all that said, the most marginalized group in America has got to be the native Americans. We took their land, genocided their people, and took their culture and unlike African Americans they “can't go back home” to their continent. And I never heard any black person talk about how bad the Native Americans have it.

To be clear and fair, many black people are into self-preservation not racism and don't care about the marginalized, outcast, disenfranchised, or even minorities. This is why Martin Luther King was so influential and focused on civil rights for all based on the individuals content of their character. Pretty soon everyone alive will not have lived through the civil rights era.

Dark Racism

Dark Racism is essentially treating others with respect and dignity using traditional racial slurs with an ultimate goal of repurposing the word from a negative to a positive connotation. It’d be like having your black friend over for his birthday, you got him an awesome gift, so you tell him “happy birthday nigger” when he goes to thank you. It’d be like your black friend got out of debt so you said “congratulation nigga.” It flips the meaning on its head.

It’d be like your friend winning the strategy game and saying “You won because you’re a nigger,” meaning smart. It’d be like giving a black person the best interest rate you’ve ever given anybody as a salesman and saying “that’s because your a nigger.” Again, giving a positive connotation and, I know, we have a long way to go to fix institutional racism before we could say things like that as a culture. Again black people use the word nigga as a term of endearment while white people automatically say it negatively. We need to correct the linguistics so it’s always positive and it doesn’t even have a negative connotation.

#Dark Racism #The Dark Racist #Eric Leo

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excessthoughts · 4 years ago

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Not Giving Up

22DEC20

Ok so I'm NOT done, went to khalad yesterday for a little a while, and talked some shit out. I realised I was too dependant on my small circle of friends to get through my day. They're all married now, so we don't hang out that often. There was a time when I was troubled with something I would just up and leave and go to khalad or bilal or bari, but They're all busy now. Now I have to think where to go, and sometimes I don't have anywhere to go, which sucks big time.

I knew this day was coming, but I didn't prepare for it, actually I didn't need to, I thought i was ok. But I didn't know umama would be coming in my life, and that just flipped everything upside down. So yeah, the last post was based on my ASSUMPTIONS. Assumptions only work in business proposals and contracts, in life, not so much, you have to stick to the facts. She forwarded you a meme last night didn't she, so she did think about you, she's not pushing you away, she's just busy. And the last thing she wants in her life is to be worried about some dude. Remember, right now your just some dude to her, you have to put in the effort, its your struggle to make for staying relevant in her life. If she specifically tells you to fuck off, then fuck off immediately.

Look I know it's not how you do things, stay put if your not invited, from a simple conversation, to a social gathering or to an event, if your not invited then stay put. It works because you trained yourself to not care much about anything, and it worked. Ofcourse it doesn't mean I don't care about anything, I have my friends, my family, I would die for them literally.

Then came along umama, after so many years, i felt that same weight on my chest, almost caving in my rib cage, it's like my soul wanting to burst out of my body and wanting to be one with her. Every fiber of my being screaming that she is the one, that's it. Now the terrible part, right now she does not feel the same way, not even a teeny bit, now that is a veeeery tough journey. But a journey nonetheless, it has a beginning and it has an end. If she starts to like you then awesome, if not, well you got out of it once before, you will survive again. Yes, you have strong feelings for her, that's partially because of your go hard or go home mentality, which need I remind you is good. There aren't many passionate or romantics, left in this world, its who you are, accept it, if others can't then thats their problem and their narrow mindedness. Mind you I'm not talking about the people who disagree with me, hell all my friends disagree with on this except maliha. I'm talking about the people who would not accept a person with a different point of view, people who do not agree to disagree.

Anyways, what I'm gonna do is be consistent, if she's clinically neutral, I'm going to be clinically consistent, I won't annoy her ofcourse, il keep doing what I keep doing, just be there, and letting her know that I am, that I exist. If i stop doing that, she will forget, and we don't want that.

Yes, it does feel like I'm digging myslef in a hole, a terrifying hole of unrequited affection and love. But higher the risk, the higher the reward so, finger crossed.

Also, remember, nothing happens without the will of Allah, just put in your best effort, and let Allah guide you, if it's meant to be it will be, if not then Allah's will and there is always good in Allah's will.

Zoom out nigga, there is more to life.

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blackmentalhealth-matters · 7 years ago

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Low Self Esteem? (Swipe Left)

How often do you find yourself scrolling your TL, comparing your life to others...feeling like everyone is some how doing so much better than you all the time...despite everything you’ve accomplishment? I find myself doing this daily, especially late at night when I can’t sleep...I often lay in the dark feeling sorry for myself, wishing I was in other people shoes cause they just seem so happy or just seem like they got they shit together. So you start to scroll, your lurking through their pages, likes favorites and retweets.... cause on social media everything always appear like its fine right?...I’m thinking to myself like why can’t my life be like that? Why can’t I be as happy as them? Minutes turns to hours...and now I’m addicted...stuck on social media....refreshing my TL every two seconds making sure I don’t miss a beat...becoming so engulfed in the TL I start to lose sight of reality.... It seems like every time I start to wallow in self pity, someone randomly tells me how proud of me they are, or how I accomplished so much and I think to myself “I’m really not doing shit special, but thanks I guess.” So then I start to live this double life online like I’m so happy and my shit is together just like all my followers I scroll through on my TL. Seeking this stamp of approval from people through a screen, subconsciously always wanting to be involved, experiencing FOMO (fear of missing out), trying to stay relevant...its sickening honestly. Then I’m lowkey embarrassed cause why do I even give a fuck? So I put my phone down. I’m free...then It rings, someone liked my picture or found my tweet funny, so here I am again, back on social media...for hours again. NOT BEING ABLE TO LOG OFF, UNPLUG, SHUT DOWN...its an epidemic that our generation has seem to be plagued by...So your checking your TL while in line at the store, while your waiting at a stop light, shit even in the middle of parties, leaving reality for hours at a time to continue this charade online. Now just because your on Twitter or Instagram alot does not mean you have low self esteem...but think about the people who you personally know in real life and ask yourself, do they act like this in real life? I’m pretty sure your answer is no...lol. That nigga who always flashing his money, or that girl who always showing her ass..think about it..they seek attention so bad, they want to be relevant so bad they start to degrade themselves..Now I’m not knocking anybody cause who am I? lol just giving my humble opinion supported by facts and research.....

As this cultural trend begins to expand and as social media continues to flourish to be the most prominent form of communication consider how social media impacts its users and negatively affects their mental health.

Social media has been linked to higher levels of loneliness, anxiety, depression, low self esteem, decreased social skills...the list goes on.

According to an article from the Huffington Post, studies have shown that Men and Women that are social media users:

*60% of people using social media reported that it has impacted their self-esteem in a negative way.

*50% reported social media having negative effects on their relationships.

*80% reported that is easier to be deceived by others through their sharing on social media.

So if more than half of people are feeling this way, think back to your TL and use the same statistics....once I read this article....my TL started making a little more sense...now I’m scrolling trying to figure out who feels like what and maybe those long sad tweets...or craving for attention is in fact a cry for help?

So I’m quick to send a text like hey you alright?

“In a world saturated by communications technology, comparing your off-line life to what we think we can see about other people’s perfect on-line lives is problematic.” - Jani Whitlock, a research scientist in the Brofenbrenner Center for Transnational Research and Director of the Cornell Research Program on Self-Injury and Recovery.

Social media is cool and all but give yourself a peace of mind occasionally and just log off and take a break for a while. Just don’t be corny an announce your exit cause no one cares about you going “MIA and stacking” my guy lol.

CHECK ON YOUR FRIENDS TOO!

The one who life seems like its always together, text or call and and simply ask “how are you” and I bet a seemingly quick conversation will turn into a vent session immediately.

-dass it.

xoxo

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blackrosesfanfic · 5 years ago

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Chapter 205

Trey

Damn them kids need to fucking hurry up. Acting like a fucking bitch now. I sigh and stand up. I'm just going to go to the store for something stupid. There's a store close by that I can go to without drama and a bodyguard. I'll go shop at the organic market.

"I'm sorry." Cammie says then chuckles.

"Huh?" What I'm really saying is, you in my head.

She sighs deeply. "Just go for a walk. Go."

I scrunch the right side of my face. "I wasn't even going to..."

"Tremaine, shut up. I know I'm being aggravating. I can't sleep anymore. Your dick just makes me want to throw up. I don't want to be in the hot tub. I just want my babies. Are you going to walk or keep listening to me talk? I can complain all fucking day. I miss Caden's little feet. He has little feet like you."

"Alright. Imma walk."

She struggles under the cover hugging the damn thing. It's Lane's fucking blanket from his bed that he takes a nap with. Fucking ridiculous. I close the front door slowly looking at her. She crazy right now. I stop at the stop sign and lean against it. It's hot ass shit out here. I don’t know which direction I want to walk. I should have got the dog so I could walk him to the park. But I ain't going out there without a dog then I would have to listen to little old ladies talk only about their dog. They get offended when I say I left my dog.

"Tremaine?"

"Hmm?" I say turning around.

April was walking around a car. She frowns at me then she opens the door. Lane jumps out of the car dragging his bag. Little bad ass boy had the biggest smile on his face. Damn I missed the shit out of my son. I step closer then kneel as he runs to me.

"Daddy. What you doing?" He says looking around. "Way Mommy?"

"At home waiting."

April closes the door. "He starts yelling daddy and trying to stand up out of his seat. I didn't know what was wrong with him. What are you doing?"

"It was either take a walk or be in the house with that crazy thang who waiting on her boys."

"Daddy, go that way." Lane says pointing.

April walks back around the car. "Well Lane decided he wanted to drink Caden's last bottle while I was dozing off on the way here. Caden also decided he wanted to be extra hungry on the airplane. I guess he was nervous like his brother."

"We on the way down there."

"Hurry because I dont have time to explain to your wife why you were more important than her."

I bounce Lane up in the air. "Let's go see, Mommy. Want to walk?"

"No." He says holding on tight.

"You want to see Mommy?"

He points. "That way."

"Oh King is at the house."

"Exactly why I'm dropping them off and going to Chris' where there is only one baby."

"Chris not even in LA."

April waves her hand. "I don't hear you."

I start walking back to the house. Lane was talking about the houses as we walked by each of them. I listen to what he is saying.

"White. White. Blue. Black."

I pause looking back at the houses we passed. He was talking about the door of the houses. I keep walking. When he sees our door he points to it. Damn, he knows how the house looks? He claps his hand.

"Brown."

"Little me? How do you know your colors so well?"

He sees April. "Nanma?"

"Come on and see Mommy." April says waving him to her. She peeks back into the house. "He is right there."

"Mommy?" He says pushing against me.

I let him down. "Did you know he knows what brown is?"

"That's the first color he learned because people are brown. He knows people are brown and white."

"That's fucking racist."

"Shut up, Tremaine."

I chuckle. "You said Lane drinks Caden's milk?"

She rolls her eyes. "I think he does it on purpose. He knows he isn't supposed to drink it. But she let's the boy breastfeed so I can't argue with him. He also drinks it in his cup at home. Did you know that?"

"I didn't know that Ma." I say walking into the house. "Where is Caden?"

"Here go Caden!" Lane tells grabbing his face. "Daddy, King sleep!"

"Lane." Cammie says tapping his hand lightly. "Let go of his face."

Lane grabs his chest. "Ouch."

Cammie frowns. "Don't even play. Look Daddy got you a present. Go open it."

Lane stays right where he is and puts. Cammie rolls her eyes and turn him around. They can't wait to get together so they can get on each other's nerves. He knows what he is doing. Two seconds after she touches him he starts screaming like she popped him. He fake ass shit. I sit down near his gift.

"Lane?"

"I no want to." He pouts looking at Cammie.

She rolls her eyes. "What do you want me to do stop feeding your brother and do what for you?"

He stares at her. "No, brother."

"So you were in love with Caden at your grandma house but now he not your brother. You gonna do him like that? Move."

"My brother." He says grabbing his head.

"Get off his head."

Lane snatches his body away from her. "My brother."

"Lane, I love you."

He runs away. "King!"

I shake my head. "You drove me crazy for that?"

"That's Lane being sweet." Ma says. "I'm gone. Be back in 5 minutes."

"Where are you even going?" Cammie snaps.

"I'll be right back. Calm down."

Cammie rolls her eyes. "Okay, April."

Ma laughs. "I'm not even dealing with anymore of Lane. Lord this girl. Help her."

"Way the food?" Lane yells. He cuts his eyes at the front door. "Nanma!"

"I'll be back."

He falls out on the ground. "Wait!"

"Lane, come here. Look at this." I say taking the PJ Mask car out of the box.

He tells really loud out of anger looking at Ma. She continues out of the door like he wasn't acting like a fool. Lane kicks the air then he walks over to me pouting. He still mad but he more interested in the car. He stands there blinking his eyes.

"Tremaine?" Cammie says fixing up her shirt. "Come get Caden."

"You don't like the car?" I ask Lane.

He shifts his weight to one side then starts playing with his stomach. This boy sleepy as hell. April straight ignored the shit out of him. He highly upset about that. I put the car on the floor. He is interested but saying to shit with your car at the same time. So I just take Caden from Cammie. He was limp. Sleeping hard like there was no tomorrow. I sit down on the couch with him.

"Daylan!" Cammie snaps.

I look up from Caden. Cammie stands up just enough to reach Lane. She pulls him to her. He was acting stank with her. He resisted all until she had him close to her chest. He starts pouting again then hugs her with his face in her chest. Yo, that shit is real. Mommy's boys. It's a bad look. He needs to man up. I chuckle. She hums and rocks him hard.

"You missed Mommy? I know. I know." She looks at me suddenly. "Tremaine, fix whatever going on with you and Chris. I know you started it."

"You sure about that?"

She tilts her head. "I'm positive because Chris and Amber got him in a better place. You still fucked up."

I narrow my eyes at her. She rolls her eyes. "Okay. I give you that."

"You might need him. That's all I'm saying. He needs you to heal completely. You too selfish suddenly?"

"I said I would fix it."

"Did you?" She snaps.

Lane turns his head looking at me. I smile at him. "I will fix it, Jayla."

"Simply put."

"Way the food, Mommy?" Lane says again.

She chuckles. "You hungry, man?"

Lane puts his hand down her shirt. "It in the kitchen?"

"Yes, get out my shirt." She hits his hand away. "That's why my others don't fit now."

"I get it." Lane says climbing out her lap.

I chuckle. "Welcome home."

She kisses my forehead. "Right."

Chris

Amber reaches across me picking up my phone. I didn't bother to look to see who was calling. I have Cammie and Trey set to the same ringtone. I know it's one of them. I don't care about talking to either of them.

"Hello, Trey." Amber says smiling. "He right hear acting bitter."

"Well tell him that I'll be at the club tomorrow as agreed. We can dish it all out over a virgin martini. Lil bitch."

I reach for the phone. "How the fuck..."

I exhale. He had hung the phone up. I look at Amber. I don't know if that was supposed to be his apology or a fucking hint that he rather not see me tomorrow. I shrug it off. Fuck him. He think his shit don't stank. Nigga your fucking girl making your ass relevant right now.

"He a fucking bitch ass nigga. What the hell was that?"

"Huh?"

I suck my teeth. "Forget it."

She hits my thigh. "I'm saying Bae you went from nonchalant to slap a bitch."

"He keeps pissing me off then what do I do? Wag my tail and go right back to fall for the same shit?"

"Sounds like a female."

"Who?"

She sighs. "Fine dont go talk with him tomorrow. Get angry. Fuck up everything."

"Why does it even matter?"

"If you don't see how improving your life matters than it doesn't matter."

I suck my teeth. "I feel like you don't fucking like the person that I am. Everybody tries to fucking control me. Make me somebody else. What if this is me? What if there's nothing else to me?"

"Chris you can't be caring and big hearted but mean and destructive. That big hearted person has just been hurt too many times. All I'm trying to do is help you work out your anger issues. Hope you find peace. Fuck changing you. Who the hell am I trying to make you?"

"Yeah." I say walking out of the room. I turn around. "Why am I leaving out my room? You leave."

She chuckles. "You fuck yourself."

"You need to fucking change."

"Christopher, come say it to my damn face. Bring your ass over here."

I chuckle. "You want this dick?"

She pats the bed. "Get on your knees and suck my dick."

"You fucking tranny."

"In that case get on your knees and let me fuck the anger out of you."

"Yo." I say then laugh. "Filthy ass mouth."

She sticks her hand in her panties. "Yes, talk dirty to me."

"I'm going to get something to eat. Dirty pussy." I say grabbing my phone and wallet.

She giggles. "Minus well grab your papers and go to your meeting."

I snatch the papers off the bed. "Don't be here when I get back."

"Whatever, Chris Brown."

"Bitch." I say smiling after I turn away from her.

0 notes

arkyiiykra-blog · 5 years ago

Text

Cause and Effect

I have a problem with people creating problems and using problems to solve them,

Because they think they’re bob, but they’re like a sponge soaking up ignorance, lacking creativity and intelligen-

“-Daycee how is this relevant?”

Well… those are the tools to solve them.

“Why did you reference a sponge?”

Kyi keep up, they’re soaking up ignorance on some square shit,

“Dog what… this is too much, I can’t even-“

-Dammit Kyi-

“Don’t worry disregard him.”

Every since MLK had that damn dream, we’ve been stuck in inception.

Black vs White, Black vs Black, Black vs All, that’s why my people’s stay with that protection.

They don’t like us, we from the hood, but even in the hood there’s subjection.

A black man poisoning the block.

“Kill the evil.”

A white man see’s opportunity so he becomes a cop.

“Kneel to eagle.”

Uh oh… now there’s many objections.

“Why are you bringing up dogmatic debates?”,

Because Kyi, this shits an infection.

We just want to fight because there’s no sense of direction.

We believe in racism and discrimination, but not unity.

We fight, we kill, we fight, we kill, while ignoring the community.

We want change so bad, we’re skipping self-reflection.

That’s why many lost their identity in self-respect and,

Wonder why we feel a disconnection.

Words as my weapon,

I’m fighting for freedom, to free minds.

SW .38 revolver, my nigga sweatin,

He was fighting to “Free Dom”,

Another nigga with too much free time.

All that aggression to payback deception,

Got my nigga a free home,

He could’ve pressed stop, he chose play,

Finger itching, he popped Tay,

“FREEZE!”, said the cop, heart dropped.

Now my nigga wish he could rewind.

He should’ve left that clip alone,

Hollywood syndrome,

A nigga that’s gotta be well known.

“Give me some History and Mystery.”

Here’s knowledge on Martin and Malcolm.

I’ll explain why King had a dream,

And why X got ex’d as an outcome.

Palindrome, MLK is KLM backwards,

That explains how he saw the future.

Now I recently learned that dreams are another reality, so in sake of spirituality,

Luther knew of the bigger picture and wanted it to happen sooner.

So he gave himself. It’s not a sacrifice it was his role.

They thank god for his speech, I thank y’all for a shooter.

“That statement is very provocative.”

Opposite if we were more cognitive rather than ignorant,

Lack of understanding is why many will miss the ironic humor.

Now Malcolm is different, he wanted equality but couldn’t see it.

Caught in the middle between W and Y,

X got stuck in the past, which is WHY He focused on White’s,

Extending the same way of thinking into black Youth; superiority of race, and we believed it,

Which is why we continued to be sick,

Fighting fire with fire, nightmares destroying dreaming,

“Earlier you said dreams are reality.”

The Mind is powerful, when you look at the world, watch how you perceive it.

Installing discrimination and racism is all strategic,

It only exist in reality because we conceived it,

X saw this later but by then it was too late, many road the wave,

He got ex’d after attempting change in the boat he created unaware that his people were seasick.

We pulling triggers everyday, nigga who made you?

Churches saying “The devil made you”,

Justifiable reasons; “Nigga I’m doing what I gotta do to make due”,

“I ain’t have a daddy.” Well nigga who raised you,

Hate our women, “Never trust a hoe”, but your mama bathed you,

“Fuck the police”, not the trauma that corner gave you?

“The streets raised me”, don’t let that trauma brake you,

“Survival of the fittest”, uh oh did you miss it?

Y’all niggas declaring war, gunning then running, saying you’re brave, but bullets are boomerangs-

“The more he sent the sooner it came?”

He didn’t realize when aiming away that he’ll get erased to.

All these casualties for dead presidents and it still isn’t evident, That extending the dead men red plan is why ya niggas extending the graves to.

Red is the root Chakra, it means survival, so I can see why a black man searching for his roots is what makes him liable to a lie they told that involves the bible and a vicious cycle of ignorance that got niggas thinking Jesus will aid you or that, Jesus will save you if you follow the words of a text that slaves you into believing a God that punish or rewards his children that disobey or follow the ten commandments,

Damnit, blame you for believing the creator of all would shame most and fame few, so again, I ask the question… Nigga who made you?

Because if it is God then it’s also apart of our DNA,

Which means we are all God and possess it’s traits of love, perfection, curios-,

“-and to create to.”

Yes, but that’s just a summary,

It’s hard to understand such a thing when ignorance is what’s holding us back.

Year after year we battle over things because of lack.

Not understanding creates fear, and out of fear, we attack.

All these boundaries keeping humanity as a world from communication,

We ignore them and point fingers to each other and wonder why we’re tracking back.

Worried about a race indulging in one another,

If you listen to EDM you’re weird, if you listen to rap you want to be black.

As a youth, we get our morals from adults, a generation that uses opinions over facts.

We never stop to look at the fact, the youth control the world, we keep the growth on track.

We love each other, divert from old hostile thinking,

Create our own reality of acceptance of all, and our parents say,

“Your generation don’t know how to act.”

No need to argue, they just don’t understand,

How lost and off track they were.

How they followed money, greed, envy, and a system with a plan,

To create lack and suppressed knowledge, many were aware and refused to take a stand.

I’ve never been a coward so I’m trying to hold hands,

With every woman and man that’s tired of selfish command.

It’s time for selfless demand,

We need to join as a species and become one as a world.

Understand cause and effect,

End to begin or continue what has begun until a chaotic end.

0 notes

tamiddyinyourcity · 5 years ago

Text

hes one of those dudes where with glssses on, theyre pretty cute, in a peter parker way, and them off just???? is??? so fucking different????

i guesss their glasses are pretty thick, glasdes cover (yet outline) the entire eye area and sides of his face, so them off really makes it like "bro what, since when are your eyes and cheekbones like that? what the fuck?", and i get astonished.

(I never say that out loud, of course.)

But, he definitely had the face for some modeling potential. Even as an Instagram E-Boy or some shit; homie could really paint his nails black and get contacts and hed literally be swimming in p-

anyway, imma not think of him in that context right now bro.

.....also, whats with exes; and enjoying the fact that sex with others had gone wack when they left?

Like with me and Other Patrick, the blonde one, he was deeeefinitely insecure, for some reason, about the fact that i had been with three other men in the time between our breakup, and his surprise In And Out visit in October, I believe.

But upon hearing that none of the men had any physical stamina, stroke, size, weren't my type, or just flat out that I haven't been having a grand ol time with the weiners ive associated with.....

Nigga was so happy. Or at the very least, contented. And well, hearing that he *tried* to have sex with girls, but describing it as "could not stay hard" and "wasnt attracted to them so i really couldnt".... it was somehow flattering i guess, although sad. It says a lot, if a single man who's finally cut free from monogamy can finally smash puss and gets cold feet at it.....

And before me and Brunette Patrick had our most recent breakup, moments before getting back with each other, we talked.

He talked about attempting Tinder, and "going for anyone with something in their bio to respond to, not based on looks". (Weird flex, but okay.) And described his most positive experience as, "Hey," "Hey", "What's up?", and maybe one more text, before never getting messaged again.....

My normal self: oh :( ouch

That inner part of me that still wanted to date him: sucks to suck, i wanna fuck

And I talked to him about seeing who he referred to as the "Infamous Patrick"..... haha, funny guy.... But, i respect that he knows that guy had a good place in my life as one of the most positive relationships to date.

*outside of ours, but ill just say friends or girls and spitting never ended me and Infamous Patrick's relationship......*

Other than once.... or, twice..... but that's not very relevant, is it?????

Anyways.

And of course, BP was glad as hell to hear that Infamous Patrick, by now, could not live up to his title. I was honest; we kissed, and tried stuff, and it felt.... weird, so I just stopped. And of course all about his aloof and overly noncaring personality, being more bark than bite, hot to trot....

Did i say hot to trot? What the fuck, ew. But it fits, so, im keeping it.

He was too eager to smash, and not as eager to actually have some sort of talk or connection with me. And when confronted, kept making excuses.... I refuse to have any sort of dynamic in my life, where a "good friend" wont ask any information about me at all, and will barely react when told whats going on in my life.....

Fuck you, Patrick.

The.... blonde one, in this context.

You are a t h o t .

...."I'm a man of GOD", I thought, as I deadass left his ass.

Imma pause from writing to jam to this song, relevant ass song. I really did have a bunch of guys contact me.... Flattering; but the thing is, a person of substance, outside of someone being a human cumbucket ready to spill on any cute girl that they meet, is a lot more fun to be around than the one that just wants to smash.

Hell, even when me and Brown Patrick smashed, we had fun. We had talks, cuddled, fell asleep together, watched Murder Party and other movies..... all that. And i felt good with him.

And when he did eventually try a "im not sure ill have time for much more than just strictly sex on weekdays, but maybe the weekends we can hang more?", and i just straight up said "thats not what im looking for", and homie realized QUICK that yes, even with my high ass sex drive and mild disdain over how they get sometimes, that im not just there to get piped.

Plus not gonna lie, if i couldve be out here having completely mindless or emotionless sex at the time...... i could have found people with more stamina that couldve touched my cervix. (Thats when it also became apparent that i liked that guy, if i really was like "sex lasts shorter than a vine and i didnt get to come, but i dont mind, im just here to cuddle with him for an hour or so before work.")

So if its:

Not amazing sex but good hangouts and conversation - good hangouts and conversation = "thats not what im looking for".

So, he got the hint, aaaaand managed to make time for me in the weekdays by finishing his chores early. Healthy, not gonna lie, if honesty lead to him finishing tasks when he wakes up instead of procrastinating, AND he gets to still socialize.

But back to the "post-old-breakup, pre-recent-breakup", makeup story.....

BP, upon hearing how absolutely tragic hanging out with Infamous Patrick had went, couldnt even politely hold in his enjoyment.

Nigga smiled like heeeeell, he was so giddy. I guess it would be amusing, if a guy who's got almost everything you don't, gets rejected by me, since he's not you.... id be flattered too.

Like if someone said, "We almost got (insert famous comedian) here for this show, but we decided you'd be a better headliner", I'd probably tap dance, if I had the knowledge (and shoes) for it.

Anyway, he was ecstatic. He was sliiiiightly not showing it, but it was apparent when he was literally blushing and smiling ear to ear, (and i wasnt even saying it in a "He Ain't You", Chris Brown esque way, i was saying it in a "im devastated, i really liked this guy but its just so different from the passion being there before"..... patrick is a little psychopathic here, lmfao.)

Also, the song She Ain't You sums up the feelings between the two similarly named fellas, but tumblr isnt finding the song for me on here..... so, boo, tomato, then.

Aaaand then Patrick suddenly decides that hearing that means its time to start getting reaaaaally close to my face in his bed, smiling, doing that thing with his eyes he does. (He's a pretty guy, but i doubt he realizes how good he looks sometimes.)

Long story short, we didnt smash.

.......until the next morning, but it was good.

And i suppose there is a little bit of an ego boost, hearing mutually that no one else has been with your boyfriend/girlfriend, in the time you've been gone.

Or having terrible sex. They'll go, "Aw, that sucks", but in their head, screaming "LETS GOOOOOOO" and punching the air in joy.

Since its the excitement of "now do i have a chance?", and the satisfaction of "and even if i don't, cool, sex is going terrible and so is meeting new people.... a win either way."

.....yeah.

It's a shame things didn't work out.

I was venting the other night at the whole breakup recently and thinking, "so when exactly was the point of him losing all romantic feelings for me?"

After the distressed phone call? After the *incident?* Was his mind already made up? Or was he just saying that, to make it easier, for the sake of having space from me or whatever?

I dunno, i guess thats what happened for our very first fight and making up.

I apologized to him, he accepted despite being mildly irritated with me.... Then heard that I had feelings for him before when I had acted out, and he was like "...........Oh", and then spontaneously started to consider restarting a romantic relationship with me.

I really have no idea how his emotions work, in terms of how easily he can choose when or when to not be with a person.....

Anyways.

Continuing off of the other night, basically we chatted some more about things, until it got time to walk him to his car.

He asked me, "So, what about the graveyard hangout seemed like a date?"

"Well, you did ask me to go with you there, almost instantly after telling me I wanted a person who could think of cute dates to take me on...... So it kinda clicked on its own, even if it was wrong."

And somehow despite changing the conversation course several times, he said, "You didn't answer my question.... How did it seem like a date?"

And in the moment, I felt frustrated he was asking, but in present day, i kinda realize this is his way of going, "What kind of dates does she like?", in a way that isnt blatantly telling me he has interest in me yet again, while still being aloof and phrasing it like pure curiousity.

(Which was smart. Since he knew i hated the idea of telling someone how to date me.... phrasing it this way got a much better reception than if he went "well what kind of dates do you want me to take you on?" Its nice i guess. He still wanted to go out with me, but like, found a slick way to get a cheat code for good dates, that he wouldn't have known otherwise....)

So when he asked, I was frustrated, only since I was shocked he couldn't see how from my original answer.... But I pushed through my blushing to go, "Well, i dont know, man, you had asked me to do my favorite thing that i always love to do, (watercoloring,) at a nice and scenic spot for a day, (a graveyard.... but, a nice graveyard with a beautiful view of the whole city,) and, it seemed a little PERSONAL, since i really love scenic views, and like????? It just had everything i liked, so, i kinda jumped to the conclusion myself even though you probably dont know all that about me....."

And I think his brain has went, "Hm, Okay", and jotted notes down, since our next hangout after that was at...... whats the name of that place?

The Docks?

Anyway, it was scenic. It was more his idea, we were originally gonna check out my old job together and id show him their cameras, but he was like "Oh thats right next to the loading docks, can we go over there first?"

Had a jolly ol time telling him stories about the wildest parts of my life, and staring at the ocean, n shit like that.

Aaaaand i recall specifically at one point, we had been sitting down somewhere, watching a big boat drill holes in the bottom of the sea. (We had no idea what they were doing back then, so we sat staring at it, pondering what its function possibly was....)

We talked more. Somehow it lead to BDSM, or more specifically, bdsmtest.org, since I was curious what kind of answers he had.... back when we were actually FWBs, though, heh.

But he decided, "Its a nice sunny day, might as well show her all of my answers on the bdsm kink test she had shown me", and i was surprised, we had a bunch in common.

If he had a kink for "brat taming", then it made sense why he put up with my bitchy comments that day we had the graveyard date, even with losing romantic interest.

Great, now im horny.

Anyways.

That lead to us passively saying I'd be open to trying out certain things with him, if he felt comfortable with that. He said sure, and that he'd think about it and what he'd want to try and whatnot....

Cool.

I didn't have massive feelings about it. I saw it as, "He's told me before that he's only 50% sure about his romantic interest in me, so no need to get my hopes up. Any guy would be happy to smash a girl, so ill see it as that."

But admittedly, even when i was holding back from thinking he'd want anything to do with me....

I did notice him staring at me with a really huge smile, even as I was looking away.

......he didn't do that the last time I had saw him, so my guess is he really did lose feelings with me. Hell, even our post-breakup talk, one where we just talked about our relationship but werent together again, he did that smile he does.

.......and now im kinda tearing up, since.... yeah, its shitty when the dude that always seems ecstatic to see me cant even muster eye contact when i first enter his car.

.....imma get back to the story, or else ill just feel worse.

So we were looking at the waterside, and he was sitting basically almost arms and knees touching side by side with me, and giving me this huge ass stare and grin.

I kept thinking, "I really wanna kiss this man", but..... I wasn't gonna make the first move. He needed to be ready on his own.

Plus, if he did ever make the first move, it would let me know how badly he actually wanted to be with me. If he can get past all the nerves and all of the unsureness of how im feeling, and still go, "Fuck it; i like you", and ask me on a date.

So, i didnt kiss him.

And he didn't kiss me.

..........

But we had one more hangout after that.

We went to a local pizza shop in my part of my city, i think to run errands. I believe this was getting ready for the 1st Halloween Party, so.... yeah, we bought some green hairspray for my Joker costume and had hung out.

I remember that he kept being.... odd, the whole time. Or maybe I was, since I wanted to get burgers at the really nice outside diner down the street, and then he went "how bout we go in here?", to the local janky pizza shop, so i pretended i didnt want a juicy, healthy burger stuffed with moist veggies and mayo.....

....and that i wanted greasy pizza, that would trigger my lactose intolerance.

Needless to say, i didnt eat, and he was odd about it, but i just told him i was glad to be his company.

.....he then kept being on his phone the WHOLE TIME, MAKING TWEETS. Jesus christ man! Youll be salty if i check my phone for the time, but will do this????

I thought to myself, "This isnt what i want.... I cant keep doing this. I want an actual relationship. And its clear hes not into me, from the way he's acting, and the way he never told me if he ever did fully decide he was romantically interested in me or not..... I should move on, but i might just stop hanging with him for awhile till things go easily....."

A.k.a., "if he wanted me, he wouldve been told me. I gotta move on."

We eventually got in his car, and then as he was driving; he got.... nervous.

I asked what was up, and out it came...

"So when we hang out..... should I just try to be as romantic as possible, to make sure you enjoy being with me?"

Did he read my mind???? Oh wow. I was blushing like a motherfucker. My mind was confused as hell. And like...... to be honest, that is a really sweet alternative to saying "I really like you, please date me", or something like that.

Anyways, yeah, we started dating again.

And.... i felt glad.

He kept up on that promise too. Made an effort for me, bought me flowers or my favorite candy when i forgot i even told him that about me, all that.........

I was really happy at the beginning of our relationship.

And modern day, it all ended, since..... no matter what, there was no respect for me being had.

No understanding my perspective, my boundaries, being iffy, excluding me from his friends and putting it off for such a long time...........

It was just so fucking weird.

I don't know if I can forgive him for that.

Especially if he was sooooo mad at me for my reasonings for the first breakup, just to prove all my points for the second one.

.....sad thing is, writing all of this about how he was before put me in such a good mood, remembering how sweet it all was.

And now?

It just ruins it, knowing its all dead and gone.

I.... yeah.

Not sure when he decided all his romantic feelings were gone either, and its not like I can ask him about it. (I can try, but for some reason im respecting HIS boundaries of wanting me to go fuck myself, and just letting him someday see if he wants to contact me first....)

And..... i hate that.

I dont know.

I guess; just to know, how would i handle ever seeing him again?

He'd have to call me himself and explain the sudden reason WHY he'd want to see me, especially after both of us did some mutually atrocious shit post breakup.

A public meeting place, somewhere that we can both leave, and preferably a place that doesn't serve McDonalds Sprite that he could throw on me, in an act of "hyper delayed vigilante karma."

Discussing everything under the sun..... If I did invite someone back into my life, romantic or not, id have to know how things had went for them, their thoughts, and just a check in on their life i guess.

Lots of boundaries. Just.... yeah, some things cant happen again. And simply put, im not expecting him to anytime soon contact me, or even trust me if he ever did.... but it takes time to rebuild trust back. And after the pain of banging him, regaining intimacy with him, and actually thinking things were working, just for things to go terribly....... i doubt id be open to seeing him. He let me down too many times before, i really cant tell someone about my life or even date their ass, if..... its never guaranteed how much theyll show they care. It's really hard to impress a person after you dump them over some shit that they didn't even do....

And yeah.

He was good before, but never perfect.

I shouldn't paint an amazing image of him. He was a typical brown haired white kid with social anxiety, thats really not hard to find, even in a predominantly black city. (Theyre all on reddit, basically, you wont find them doing shit else other than reddit or hiding in their homes or something.)

The cool thing was that he was a marxist, and i genuinely liked those conversations with him. But, its not hard to find a broke person and go "being able to not work would be great" and have an intelligent conversation on the matter.....

And he liked philosophy. But most people do, in a sense. I can find friends online who wanna talk till 5am about that, and it shouldnt really be hard, right? It wont be with a cute guy naked, but itll be someone who doesnt dump me in an idiotic way.

And yeah.

I will be alright.

Its just a shame, i really liked this stupid motherfucker.

Which can be interpreted as....

"Damn, i really liked..... this mother fucker????? Why? Fuck."

"Damn.... I really liked this muhfucker...." (One Wish by Ray J plays in the background.)

And yeah, i liked the guy.

Not ecstatic about this.

My friend said some dumb shit in regards to "he probably still had feelings to an extent even when breaking up", (she meant platonic,) and i really wanted to tell her to shut the fuck up about it. I could care less if he still "cared about me to an extent and had feelings during the breakup", those are clearly doing nothing now... and, he doesnt wanna see me, or speak to me.

And somehow lost feelings for me in under 24 hours.

And i have no fucking idea why.

THATS why im upset. God i really wanna just tell her off, but im gonna be a mature adult, and vaguepost on my spam about it like a normal 19 year old would.

So yeah.

10:11am, talked to Cam. I was hesitant to talk to him for pretty obvious reasons, but he was fine. Said he heard non-conflicting stories of what happened, with differences in who wronged who, (patrick is a fake little shit, and i have a high intolerance to men that cant keep promises, plus, valuable reasons to go back to therapy..... that's all anyone needs to know,) and that he wouldnt be taking a stance.

At least there's that.

I'm just..... not ecstatic about things.

And if Patrick is framing the story where I'm the bad guy.... to an extent, understandable. Before the conk on the head, i have no idea how he was feeling about staying around me, or what.

But that doesnt bring a smile to my face, now, does it?

"Oh, Tamia told me to suck a cock when I uninvited her to my party, a decision that wasnt my ownnnnnn!", is translation for "Tamia got upset with me, since i refused any of her resolutions to the situation, and allowed my friends to dictate what they want over my own wants for my own birthday party.... I caved in to them, she was hurt, and then I wanna push all responsibility off of me and onto her; in terms of "who wronged who"."

I hate his guy, jesus christ.

Anyways, eventually, ill be seeing someone new. Someone that understands me, and wont ever put me in situations where id feel like this.

Where I always have to think, "I never would have done that to him".

"I would have chose differently."

All of that.

I'll see someone new, that values me. Who would never even have friends that control his life so much in the first place, and wouldn't accuse me of being controlling, for pointing out obviously toxic behaviors among those he calls his closest friends around him.

Ideally, someone romantic. Genuinely caring. Can fuck and not jizz before he even gets the condom on. (Yes, that happened before.)

Its a shame that Patrick was almost this person in several ways.... but simply wasn't. He almost was a sweet guy, but all of his bullshit got too much..... Even his Christmas Gift was pre-bought, and had no thought put into it whatsoever, but he had the gall to scoff at my gift as well. Fucking asshole! Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck shit.

Suck my cock, Patrick.

I guess he's just gotta become a distant "what the actual fuck was that" memory. Just like Zack, Zack #2, OG Patrick, John, Crackhead John, whoever..... just far as hell from me man.

I'll forget Azalea even existed, not like i ever met her, despite all the efforts to.

I'll forget about the party, and just replace the memories. What did I do on December 27th? Did i cry and starve for two days straight alone in my house, or did i spend the day drawing, sketching and listening to music? If I gotta replace memories, then, thats just a way to stoo things from getting worse.

I probably will avoid that, though. I prefer all my outlets to be honest about things that happened. And, trust me, its not fun forgetting half a year of my life like previous events caused things to happen for me........

And yeah.

Feels good.

Alright.

I'll see someone new, where dating doesn't have to be a constant cycle of trial and error. Where i don't have to practically have my spam page as a handbook on how to date me, or how i feel about things that i cant really feel comfortable to tell him about.....

(Flashback: that time i made a vent post about one of my "idk her and now im nervous about them being alone together tonight????"/"he really never calls me pretty, i know i am but it takes a toll after some time" posts on my spam, and he saw it, then texted me in the morning the next day, something cute about how he thought that I was beautiful....)

Ah yeah, that stings like hell to remember.

Another flashback: last time we had sex, he could detect that was happening again, and told me all about how beautiful he thought my body was as he had sex......

Whoop whoop, I'm about to get that weird cross combination of horny and sad, yet again.

I hate it! Why did this all have to happen? It was going so well. Or, decent.

......i just cant teach someone how to date me. There's always someone out there who knew shit that he didnt, and wouldn't have to be educated on things like, "dont let grown men spit on your girlfriend and get up in her face if you're literally supposed to defend her", or "don't just keep the peace, if it literally means hiding your significant other, over petty bullshit that you legitimately said yourself, 'is some dumb shit that nobody should even care about', and then shun your girlfriend for being hurt at being excluded.... while not shunning your friends, for purposely deciding to start fights at your fucking birthday over me."

I'll date someone thoughtful, creative, caring. Makes promises that they know they can keep. That aren't trainwrecks of a person, that won't make me feel like shit over things.

And that i probably would like enough to be able to go home, without throwing a sprite in his face, and still feel good about things.

The more i think about things, i dont regret the soda toss. It was just supposed to happen, i guess.

Thats all.

10:39am, gonna go get a pedicure and relax instead of thinking about how i wanna kick someone in their chest today.

And gonna find a therapist in 2020, so that i can be reassured what things are healthy, or toxic, in the new decade by someone else who is unbiased in several different ways....

Thats all.

Peace out.

#me #yep #exes #yikes

0 notes

gizoogletranslateshomestuck · 5 years ago

Photo

[A6IZZLE5] ====>

VRISKA puttin tha smack down: Hizzy kid, what he tell'n you? VRIZZLE: What yo' N-to-tha-izzame again? Jizzy?

JAKE: Ja... JIZZY: I JAKE: J... JAKE: Yes. Sure.

TAVROSPRITE: Subscribe nigga, get yo issue. nO, it NOT jAPE, wRONG,

VRISKA: Subscribe nigga, get yo issue. Who evizzle cares? Yo' ovizzle simplistic human nizzles all sizzle so alike ta me. VRISKA bitch ass nigga: Anywizzle, listen Jizzape. VRISKA: Whateva load of shit H-to-tha-izze's sell'n you in a misguided effort ta chizzay you up, D-to-tha-izzon't listizzle to him. VRISKA: It all a 8unch of sizzle delusional gar8age. VRISKA: Keep'n it gangsta dogg. I'm not going to lizzle you down easy, n some day you'll realize dis be tha 8iggest fizzle anyone ever done fo` you. V-R-TO-THA-IZZISKA: You be neva go'n ta do straight trippin' impizzle, n you'll neva amount ta anything. Keep the party crackin while I'm steady rappin. Perizzle dogg! VRIZZAY but real niggaz don't give a fuck: Baller is Tavrizzles.

TAVROSPRITE: wAIT, nO, nOW HIZZLE, ON,

VRISKA: No, YIZZY hold on, Tavros. VRISKA: Chill as I take you on a trip. You hizzle miznore thizzan enough chances ta prove you could 8e a relevant contri8utor ta our adventizzle, 8ut you 8liznew it every stizzay of tha wizzay in all flavas. VRISKA to increase tha peace: It time ta fizzle tha facts. You're neva doggy stylin' ta have that "8ig moment" that vindic8tizzles your arc of persizzle development. It just not go'n ta happen!

TAVROSPRITE: nO, i KNIZNOW THAT, i JUST ADMITTED THAT, TAVROSPRITE: yiznOU WEREN'T LISTEN'N TA OUR,,,

VRISKA where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin': It not go'n ta happen fo` Jizzle here, cracka. So stop dippin' hiznis heezee wit nizzle. VRISKA: I can just smell it off him. He jizzay lizzike you, really. VRISKA hittin that booty: A losa be a losa ya dig?

JAKE: Slap your mutha fuckin self. *Sniffle.*

VRISKA so i can get mah pimp on: Here tha 8ottom liznine. VRISKA: Pages jiznust suck thats off tha hook yo! VIZZY: All of them do. They just can't motherfucka seem ta git it togetha. Listen to how a motherfucker flow shit. VRISKA: I thizzay it just happens ta 8e tha cizzy playas git stuck wit if they're naturally that sizzle of person. VRISKA from tha streets of tha L-B-C: It dizzay mean T-H-to-tha-izzey don't have value as thugz, 8ut thizzey'll cracka hiznave ridin' significant ta contri8ute, so they really should jizzle stiznay out of tha way. Keep the party crackin while I'm steady rappin. V-R-TO-THA-IZZISKA and yo momma: There a certain quiet dignity in understand'n yo' utterly crizzle limit8tions as an individual with my hoes on my side, and my strap on my back Ideally, a VIZZLE quiet dignity, so tha importizzle thugz can still hear themselves thiznink!

TAVROSPRITE: oK BIZZLE, wHAT 'BOUT ALL THAT, bIG PAGE POTENTIAL,

VRIZZISKA: That also a lot of mislead'n horsizzle, n reallizzle kind of a cruel stipul8tion of tha class, ta 8e hizzle. VRISKA: It makes losa T-H-to-tha-izzink there actually sizzle L-to-tha-izzight at tha end of a lizzle tunnel, so it keeps them dream'n instizzle of facing tha facts fo all my homies in the pen! VRIZZLE: I thought i told ya, nigga I'm a soldier. Siznure, thizney cizzould reach all that potential if thizzey wizzle reallizzle hard for a long tizzay, 8ut don't yiznou git it? V-R-TO-THA-IZZISKA droppin hits: Tha very n8ture of whizno they be PROHI8ITS that! They don't have what it takizzles ta stick it out ta tha end, 8ecauze they're tizzay wizzle mentizzle ta help you tap dat ass. VRIZZAY: Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your motherfuckin' dome. So it J-to-tha-izzust tha game playing a nasty jiznoke on them. Like dangl'n a carrot at tha end of a ridiculously lizzay stick. VRISKA spittin' that real shit: Only an asshole would knowlingly pizzy along wit such a vicious hiznoax.

TAVROSPRITE: aRGH, nO, aNY FIZZAY OF FRIZZLE ENCOURAGIZZLE, nO MATTA WHIZNAT, be UNIVERSALLY BOOTYLICIOUS i THINK, TAVROSPRITE: wE ALL LIZZLE DIS AS FACT, fRizzle LIZZAY OF TH'N WE SEE N ENJOY, 'n STORIES AND STUFF,

VRISKA n shit: Oh my ho-slappin' giznod. Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'.

JAKE with my hoes on my side, and my strap on my back No cuz its a doggy dog world... tavrosprite shes... Im crazy, you can't phase me. shizzay R-to-tha-izzight. JAKE: Sizzy R-to-tha-izzight. JIZZAKE: *Sniff.*

TAVRIZZLE: vRISKA, lizzy AT WHAT YOU DID, TAVROSPRITE: yOU MADE MAH NIGGA JAPE SIZZLE, TAVRIZZLE: dizzy LISTEN TO HA, n COME HERE BUDDY, fo` A REASSUR'N EMBRACE,

VRISKA: TAVROS DIZNON'T YOU FUCK'N TOUCH HIZZY!!!!!!!! VRIZZISKA: Pusha, you only 8een prototypizzle once! VRIZZLE: D-ya REALLY wiznant ta fuze into an eternal monstrositizzle with thizzat weenie? VRISKA: Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. God, W-H-to-tha-izzat a weenie singulizzle tizzy would 8e. May8e I should stand 8ack and let it happen! VIZZY: Fo` science. Also, it would sizzy you right.

TAVROSPRITE: oHHHHHHHH, TAVROSPRITE: yEAHHHHHHHH? TAVROSPRITE: wiznELL GIT A LIZZY, oF DIS! TAVROSPRITE: aCTUALLY, TAVROSPRITE: Holla! nO, yoe, TAVROSPRITE: rIGHT OF COURSE, i WON'T HIZZAY HIZZAY, coz, TAVROSPRITE: tHAT SIZZAY RIZZLE, rEALLY BAD, TAVROSPRITE: sORRY JIZZLE,

JIZZLE: with the S-N-double-O-P:(

> [A6A6I5] ====>

#Gizoogle #Homestuck #pg7495

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tinybellz-blog · 8 years ago

Text

Running on Glass ---------> P L A Y L I S T

✘ 01. Numb || Linkin Park

All of Tiny’s life, he’s tried to be just what he figured his father and older brother wanted him to be. He always figured they expected him to follow in their footsteps and take over the family business of selling drugs, and as much as he wanted to make them proud, he felt like he was suffering trying to live up to their standards.

I'm tired of being what you want me to be Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface I don't know what you're expecting of me Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow Every step that I take is another mistake to you Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow

✘ 02. Big Brother || Kanye West

Although he realized he could never do everything his brother, Tiny still admired and looked up to his big brother Vince. Growing up, he wanted to be just like him and even though he’s in jail now, he still looks up to him and uses him as a source of inspiration in regards to taking care of people and looking out for people he cares about.

My big brother was Big’s brother So here's a few words from your kid brother If you admire somebody you should go ahead and tell em People never get the flowers while they could smell em A ideal in my eyes, God of the game Heart of the city, Rockafella chain Never be the same, never be another Number 1 young Hov, also my big brother

✘ 03. Family || E-40

Tiny’s new to his aunt’s place and dealing with his her and his uncle. After living on basically his own for years, it’s been a rough adjustment. But he’s come to appreciate them opening their home to him and letting him be apart of the larger family he’s missed out on. His cousins have rub off him as well, and he’s come to apply Vince’s family first method to a larger group of people.

We might argue man, we might fall out

Might not talk to each other for a long time

But when tragedy happens, we come together

We hug each other and start crying

✘ 04. Worst Enemy || Gucci Mane

Ever since Tiny decided to become an athlete, he noticed a lot of his friendships changed. People like Zig who were once his best friends were now either enemies or not trusting of him, and people who he met with disdain now are in a rush to buddy up to him. He’s only got a few people he actually trust, but many of his ‘friends’ aren’t his friends and he knows it.

Tho they say that they my friends I know that these niggas opponent We can joke and laugh and party But I know their smiles are phony But I still pray that the Lord give 'em all the things they wanted All the money in the world cant get the joy I'm felling homie Like the third date with a woman like you and not for your money You can help someone and love someone but still they turn and burn you so hard Want you and revenge watch out cos so called friends And MJG said it best man will I ever know who my friends Through thick and thin cos so called friends will turn to foes.

✘ 05. Cocky || Kid Rock

Tiny’s always been a confident kid, able to charm and sneak his way out of any situation. But now with being an athlete and getting a lot of praise, he’s his gotten a bit cocky. He’s also realized he can have an effect on girls, making him smoother and more confident as time goes by.

They say I'm cocky and I say what It ain't braggin' motherfucker if you back it up They say I'm cocky and I say what It ain't braggin' motherfucker if you back it up

✘ 06. Do You || Ne-Yo Ft. Utada

Although he realizes he hurt her and that they’ve both moved on with their lives, he can’t help but think of Lola and what could have been. He’ll never truly get over his first love, and no matter how much things have changed, he often considers her when he thinks about his future.

I now what we had is dead and gone

Too many times you made me cry

And I don't mean to interrupt your life

I just wonder do I ever cross your mind

✘ 07. She’s Too Good For Me || Sting

Tiny knows that Shay’s not a total snob now that she’s a wild one, but he knows her family and her background. He likes her, but he’s not sure if his change in social status will be enough to overcome not only her family, but who she is deep down and he feels that it’s not being a wild girl.

But oh the games we play She's too good for me She's too good for me Would she prefer it if I washed myself more often than I do Would she prefer it if I took her to an opera or two I could distort myself to be the perfect man She might prefer me as I am

✘ 08. Love Song || Big Sean Ft. Suai

Tiny cares deeply for Vanessa, even after his crush on her as kids she still remains his closest friend and one of the only people he can really trust. After their kiss however, he pondered actually getting with her. But what stopped him was her waiting all this time. As much as he cares for her, he doesn’t want to be her fourth or fifth option when she was his number one for so long.

Trying to write a love song I wanted it to be just right Tried to make it beautiful But all I can think about is our last fight I was gonna play it on piano Had the drums come in real bold But I couldn't think of anything good to say So the big ballad strings will never get played Pretty melody I wrote will never get sang Piece of paper that I started with got thrown away A song about our love will never see the light of day Why? cause you made it that way Yea you made it that way

✘ 09. Young Wild and Free || Wiz Khalifa and Snoop Dogg

Tiny’s took to getting high and smoking a lot to ease his nerves and ease his mind as he transitioned to living with his aunt. He still does it frequently, enjoying the high and feeling. He also loves living life to the fullest. He figured he was saved from juvie for a reason, so he feels like enjoying life and the high school experience for all it’s worth.

You know what? It’s like I’m 17 again Peach fuzz on my face Lookin’, on the case Tryna find a hella taste Oh my god, I’m on the chase, Chevy It's gettin’ kinda heavy, relevant, sellin’ it Dippin’ away, time keeps slippin’ away Zip in the safe, flippin’ for pay Tippin’ like I’m drippin’ in paint Up front, four blunts, like, “Khalifa put the weed in a J”

#dividedtask #playlist #shoutout to vince zig lola shay & nessa #also the utada version of do you fits perfect

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mixtapekings · 4 years ago

Text

Listen Review of DaBaby’s ‘BLAME IT ON BABY’ Album by djbooth.net

‘BLAME IT ON BABY’ is an album that says, “I’m on the way,” not, “I have arrived.”

DaBaby, born Jonathan Kirk, lives life full-throttle. He raps fast; he lives fast. He is the antithesis of stillness. Following the release of two commercially successful albums―Baby on Baby and KIRK―the Charlotte, North Carolina native is positioned to take over the music industry.

Although it’s only been seven months since the release of KIRK and the success of popular singles “BOP” and “VIBEZ,” DaBaby returns to the spotlight with BLAME IT ON BABY, a new album featuring Future, Megan Thee Stallion, Roddy Ricch, and more.

The decision to release BLAME IT ON BABY now—the cover is the first to acknowledge the COVID-19 pandemic—means DaBaby will forever be associated with this moment in human history. When hip-hop looks back on 2020 and the months of quarantine, they’ll remember DaBaby releasing BLAME IT ON BABY, and how the album made them feel. At least, that should have been DaBaby’s goal when he decided to unleash the project.

In usual 1-Listen fashion, the rules are the same: no skipping, no fast-forwarding, no rewinding, and no stopping. Each song will receive my gut reaction from start to finish.

1. “CAN’T STOP”

DaBaby has arrived. “Ain’t no stopping a nigga like me.” He’s talking that talk. He breathes confidence. I like the production. It’s airy. A subtle bounce. He’s feeling himself. He’s a rapper on fire. “I only answer to God.” “CAN’T STOP” sounds like it was recorded after a soldout show in Madison Square Garden. I like it. Verse two is refreshing. Not as explosive as the first. Brag raps. Big brags. “When I get in my feelings, I make niggas feel it.” That was a strong, “Bitch ass nigga.” This is a man I wouldn’t try to stop. Juggernaut rap. DaBaby is a rap giant.

2. “PICK UP” feat. Quavo

“PICK UP” is slower. Kind of ambient with a bounce. Interesting. He sounds like he’s rapping slower, taking his time. “I look better in person.” Ha. He glows confidence. “PICK UP” is cool. I’m not sure who made this beat, but… Quavo! Quavo raps like a professional football coach. I mean that in the best way. A man on the field, commanding, the confidence of a leader. The Nick Saban of rap. I like him on this better than DaBaby. It feels more natural than the songs on Quavo’s solo album. “You already know I’m the goat.” Okay, sir. “PICK UP” is fine.

3. “LIGHTSKIN SH*T” feat. Future & Jetsonmade

“LIGHTSKIN SH*T” doesn’t sound like a Jetson beat. A good bounce. DaBaby has a good melody, I can see it being popular on Instagram. There’s going to be some interesting discourse around this one. Future! Sonically, this is so bright for Future. I like Future’s voice on this. He sounds a bit like Thug. He’s talking that talk. “Hard to fall off I’m super relevant.” He killed it. “LIGHTSKIN SH*T” isn’t a bad song, but it’s not gripping.

4. “TALK ABOUT IT”

Wheezy! Whew! “TALK ABOUT IT” is the one. Infectious. I love hearing the word “Jit” in rap songs. It’s so Southern. DaBaby is swagging. So much life. So much pride. “TALK ABOUT IT” is the song Drake should be on. Started from the bottom now I’m here rap. A keeper. He’s good, real good. “All a nigga know is hustle.” You want to follow him to the top.

5. “SAD SH*T”

“Let me do some sad shit.” Man, this record don’t sound sad. He’s singing. Is he trying to get his girl back? I don’t know what’s happening. He’s switching pitches. He sounds like a possessed Young Thug. Now he’s back on his pimping. Was that a Migo ad-lib? Nothing makes sense. Is that a vocal sample? How is this song still building? “You ever got your heart broken, nigga?” Man, what is happening. How is this song still going? DaBaby songs aren’t supposed to last this long. Where is Rich Homie Quan? If Rich Homie would’ve made this same song, I’d be crying in the club. “SAD SH*T” has too much performance to be sad.

6. “FIND MY WAY”

“Wait a minute, who are you?” Ha, I like the drop. “FIND MY WAY” is boring. By far, the slowest DaBaby has ever sounded. The songs don’t progress with any purpose. He’s so still. “FIND MY WAY” isn’t saying much to me. That Melly line wasn’t it. I like the line about him being a hero. Man, skip.

7. “ROCKSTAR” feat. Roddy Ricch

I’m excited to hear Roddy. I know my sister-in-law is somewhere ecstatic. DaBaby leaning into this type of melodic rap creates the ideal setting for Roddy to skate. So far, “ROCKSTAR” is alright. A nice flow switch. The PTSD line got me. Oh man, he just mentioned the murder in Wal-Mart. Crazy. Roddy! The million-dollar voice. I hear so much music that sounds like him. He’s skating. He is Tony Hawk, and “ROCKSTAR” is his skatepark. “ROCKSTAR” is a fine song. It could be a big single, but I don’t feel compelled to hear it again.

8. “JUMP” feat. Youngboy Never Broke Again

“Cha-ching.” The bounce! NBA YoungBoy has a voice that projects with charisma. Yeah, this is good. Real good. It’s a single. It’s going to be a Black Air Force 1 summer. Such an infectious song. “Made a song in 10 minutes and went platinum.” I love hearing DaBaby brag about his accomplishments. “I make it jump like crack in the ’80s.” Voices from Baton Rouge jump in your veins. Southern rappers have such a natural bounce in their voices. It’s a cheat code. Youngboy ate. Keeper. DaBaby’s second verse is charming. These two are a good combo. I didn’t expect much, but they align as if they were kindred spirits.

9. “CHAMPION”

“Yeah, I took the cash route.” His words are embedded with passion. The melodic flow works for him. “CHAMPION” reminds me of Rich Homie Quan, but Quan was belting it out. DaBaby sings from the heart, but Rich Homie sang from the gut. DaBaby’s a champion. Rich Homie Quan was an angel.

10. “DROP” feat. A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie & London On Da Track,

I don’t like “DROP.” DaBaby’s singing is not selling a product I want to buy. He’s just not offering much here, and I’m not a fan of the production. A Boogie sounds more at home. So many artists sound like A Boogie. Or does A Boogie sound like so many artists? I can hear “DROP” on the radio. It’s not striking, but it’s kind of pleasant in a commercial rap way. “Why the fuck wouldn’t they want to rob me?” Well, that’s one way of putting it, Boogie. “DROP” is a skip.

11. “BLAME IT ON BABY”

Ahh! These keys. His voice. Yep, this is personality. This is speed. This is rhythm. Where was this energy!? He’s talking that talk. I have been waiting for “BLAME IT ON BABY” all album. Yep, yep, yep. “I know I’m on top, I’m a target.” He’s taking off. A rocket ship is taking off. “Slow down, slow down.” WHERE WAS THIS ALL ALBUM!? Jesus, man. Let’s go!

12. “NASTY” feat. Ashanti & Megan Thee Stallion

Of course, he sampled Ashanti’s “Baby.” This is cool. I imagine JaRule will appreciate this effort. I can hear “NASTY” on the radio. DaBaby reminds me of Ludacris at times. He’s a rapper with a striking personality who raps with vivid lyricism. Of course, London made this track. Megan! Oh, this a hit. If people could go outside, the day parties would eat this up. It’s so familiar. It’s so nasty. She gave DaBaby the verse “NASTY” needed. Tina Snow raps. “NASTY” worked better than I expected. I was worried it would be cheesy. I spoke too soon. Why is DaBaby still rapping? This song doesn’t need to be this long. Ashanti sounds fine, but I didn’t need additional vocals. “NASTY” could’ve ended three “babies” ago. Brevity people, brevity.

13. “AMAZING GRACE”

“A nigga barely read the scripture, but I’m spiritual.” I like this. It’s honest. I’m not in love with the mix. I feel like a tighter mix would’ve made this one pop. There’s a rawness to “AMAZING GRACE”—a demo that was too good to record again. Not a grand finale, but a memorable one.

Final (First Listen) Thoughts on DaBaby’s BLAME IT ON BABY:

DaBaby’s BLAME IT ON BABY is an interesting album. Musically and lyrically, the work is not a massive departure from the winning tricks and acrobatics that made Baby on Baby and KIRK successful releases. But, instead of introducing a new perspective or revealing anything about himself that we didn’t already know, DaBaby repeats familiar tropes alongside famous friends and over contemporary productions.

At best, BLAME IT ON BABY reaffirms DaBaby has the charisma of a rap star. He has the voice, confidence, and style to be a giant among men. But does he have the songwriting? BLAME IT ON BABY, on first listen, makes you wonder. There are some high highs, like “NASTY,” “UP,” and “TALK ABOUT IT,” but, as an album, BLAME IT ON BABY isn’t undeniable.

DaBaby is still a new artist. Emerging into his stardom. BLAME IT ON BABY is an album that says, “I’m on the way,” not, “I have arrived.”

from Listen Review of DaBaby’s ‘BLAME IT ON BABY’ Album by djbooth.net

#Albums #News #BLAME IT ON BABY #DaBaby #DJ Booth #Yoh Phillips

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internetdetectives · 5 years ago

Text

12/2/19 - Chat with The Producer

The Producer 10:25 AM: "welp”

The Producer 10:25 AM: "here i am again”

The Producer 10:25 AM: "is this getting repetitive”

The Producer 10:25 AM: "i feel like this is getting repetitive”

0h look! Its karkat! 10:26 AM: "Welcome to the ID feeling”

The Producer 10:28 AM: "so much talking as of late”

The Producer 10:28 AM: "unfortunately it will have to make do until my masterpiece is complete”

The Producer 10:28 AM: "along with whatever else accompanies it”

0h look! Its karkat! 10:34 AM: "Oh yeah that magnum opus”

0h look! Its karkat! 10:34 AM: "You wanna see mine?”

The Producer 10:35 AM: "against my better judgement”

The Producer 10:35 AM: "sure”

0h look! Its karkat! 10:35 AM: "https://youtu.be/QJjd9UPSULM”

0h look! Its karkat! 10:35 AM: "That's my finest piece of art”

The Producer 10:35 AM: "sweet dancing douglas”

The Producer 10:35 AM: "he and kelbris really stole the spotlight away from the other two didnt they”

0h look! Its karkat! 10:36 AM: "Other two?”

0h look! Its karkat! 10:36 AM: "Oh”

0h look! Its karkat! 10:36 AM: "Yeah lol”

0h look! Its karkat! 10:36 AM: "Those two nerds”

The Producer 10:37 AM: "if only i could prolong the cycle”

The Producer 10:37 AM: "ad infinitum”

The Producer 10:37 AM: "maybe then we could see spencer groovin to some tunes too”

The Producer 10:37 AM: "or alex hall of fame”

0h look! Its karkat! 10:39 AM: "Alex hall of fame is a thing I need to see”

The Producer 10:40 AM: "https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u34xC5o-Un8”

The Producer 10:40 AM: "enjoy”

The Producer 10:40 AM: "but be warned”

The Producer 10:40 AM: "this video contains substantial power”

The Producer 10:40 AM: "it might be too much to bare”

0h look! Its karkat! 10:47 AM: ":okay:”

The Producer 10:48 AM: "so”

The Producer 10:48 AM: "im assuming all lingering questions have now been cleared up”

The Producer 10:48 AM: "no more mysteries or loose threads”

0h look! Its karkat! 10:49 AM: "TF u mean”

0h look! Its karkat! 10:49 AM: "That's literally the opposite of how we are now”

The Producer 10:49 AM: "does this mythical video not answer everything?”

0h look! Its karkat! 10:49 AM: "I mean”

0h look! Its karkat! 10:49 AM: "It does”

The Producer 10:49 AM: "what confuses you in this moment”

otherLiam 10:49 AM: "What, you want a list?”

The Producer 10:50 AM: "sure”

0h look! Its karkat! 10:50 AM: "Nah liam”

0h look! Its karkat! 10:50 AM: "Now that I think of it”

0h look! Its karkat! 10:50 AM: "Everything is fine :jack_o_lantern:”

The Producer 10:50 AM: "ok”

The Producer 10:50 AM: "good to hear”

The Producer 10:50 AM: "well bye”

0h look! Its karkat! 10:50 AM: "Jk jk”

0h look! Its karkat! 10:50 AM: "Don't go prod”

The Producer 10:50 AM: "im kiddign”

The Producer 10:50 AM: "these are confusing times”

The Producer 10:50 AM: "a major shift is occurring”

0h look! Its karkat! 10:51 AM: "how is that beat you are producing going”

0h look! Its karkat! 10:51 AM: "Dropp it already it's firee :fire: :fire:”

Jos 10:51 AM: "Hey hi”

Jos 10:51 AM: "Hello”

0h look! Its karkat! 10:51 AM: "Hewwo”

Jos 10:52 AM: "Welcome”

Jos 10:52 AM: "To city 17”

otherLiam 10:52 AM: "For starters, we’re pretty fucking confused by you BUP bois. We’re pretty confused by the entire structure of how many timelines we’re dealing with. We aren’t certain exactly which Tyler or how many Tylers we’ve interacted with in the past. We aren’t even really sure what we did years ago when we went back in time and voted to kill.”

otherLiam 10:52 AM: "It’s hard to figure anything out when we have such a shaky foundation to work with )’:”

0h look! Its karkat! 10:52 AM: ":funkyfinger: :regi:”

0h look! Its karkat! 10:52 AM: "This nigga is hilarious”

The Producer 10:53 AM: "well, i can answer a few things”

Jos 10:53 AM: "Maybe its all a dream”

Jos 10:53 AM: "Jk”

The Producer 10:53 AM: "maybe”

otherLiam 10:53 AM: "Oh and also apparently we gotta learn magic now.”

The Producer 10:53 AM: "technically speaking, there are an infinite number of timelines”

0h look! Its karkat! 10:53 AM: "AND RUNES”

The Producer 10:53 AM: "i believe you witnessed this during the whole youshouldnthavedonethat fiasco”

0h look! Its karkat! 10:53 AM: "like we didn't know rune numbers where a thing until likw”

0h look! Its karkat! 10:53 AM: "Uh”

The Producer 10:53 AM: "of course only a few are so vital”

Jos 10:53 AM: "Wait so there is a timeline where my waifu exist”

The Producer 10:54 AM: "yes”

Jos 10:54 AM: "Im willing to follow this path”

The Producer 10:54 AM: "runes aren't really my department”

The Producer 10:54 AM: "also there are indeed many tylers”

The Producer 10:54 AM: "another thing seen during the confusing shit in 2016”

The Producer 10:54 AM: "im not sure how much detail i can go into on that”

The Producer 10:54 AM: "what exactly are you confused about”

otherLiam 10:55 AM: "So there’s our Tyler. And theoretically there’s also a Tyler in the AO timeline, or was.”

The Producer 10:55 AM: "yes”

otherLiam 10:56 AM: "But there’s sort of a split between us where we think that we’ve talked with other ones from other timelines.”

otherLiam 10:56 AM: "Like one that is trying to convince us all this is a game.”

otherLiam 10:56 AM: "One where all this actually is a game.”

The Producer 10:57 AM: "thats some dangerous territory there”

The Producer 10:57 AM: "indeed there is a tyler from your timeline and a tyler from the astral timeline”

The Producer 10:57 AM: "i dont really think im at liberty to say much more than that”

The Producer 10:57 AM: "there are more tylers”

The Producer 10:57 AM: "that much i can say”

The Producer 10:57 AM: "this really isnt new information, however”

The Producer 10:57 AM: "of course there will be more tylers - infinite timelines”

otherLiam 10:58 AM: "But you can’t tell us how many we’ve interacted with?”

ADULT_LINK△ 10:58 AM: "are any others relevant at al”

Jos 10:59 AM: "Okay so my little theory”

The Producer 10:59 AM: "can't say, sorry”

The Producer 10:59 AM: "more than two”

Jos 10:59 AM: "There is a third timeline where they are storing the tylers”

otherLiam 10:59 AM: "Well that’s actually useful.”

otherLiam 10:59 AM: "Thanks.”

otherLiam 10:59 AM: "Let’s change subject so we don’t get you in trouble”

Jos 11:00 AM: "Hows the weather over there?”

The Producer 11:00 AM: "oh jeez oh boy -pulls on collar-”

The Producer 11:00 AM: "the weather is fine”

otherLiam 11:00 AM: "I meant to another topic we’re confused on lol”

The Producer 11:00 AM: "a bit cold”

The Producer 11:00 AM: "a tiddle bit nipply”

otherLiam 11:01 AM: "Awhile back, we gained access to a “kill switch”. Can you tell us what effect using it actually had?”

0h look! Its karkat! 11:01 AM: "Fuck you know that feeling when you drink the air freshener”

Jos 11:01 AM: "A great while back”

ADULT_LINK△ 11:01 AM: "kill”

0h look! Its karkat! 11:01 AM: "That's me rn”

The Producer 11:01 AM: "Kill?”

0h look! Its karkat! 11:01 AM: "Yes”

ADULT_LINK△ 11:02 AM: "sl”

ADULT_LINK△ 11:02 AM: "slinky what”

0h look! Its karkat! 11:02 AM: "What”

0h look! Its karkat! 11:02 AM: "OH SHIT”

otherLiam 11:02 AM: "slink bless”

0h look! Its karkat! 11:02 AM: "YO PROD DONT TAKE THAT AS AN ACTUAL MOVEMENT JUST AS A MEME”

0h look! Its karkat! 11:02 AM: "DONT KILL ANYONE”

otherLiam 11:03 AM: "i aint even mas”

ADULT_LINK△ 11:03 AM: "slinky”

otherLiam 11:03 AM: "mad”

ADULT_LINK△ 11:03 AM: "thats not even the what”

otherLiam 11:03 AM: "this is just expected”

0h look! Its karkat! 11:03 AM: "Then what is the what”

ADULT_LINK△ 11:03 AM: "what the fuck do you mean drink the air freshener”

0h look! Its karkat! 11:03 AM: "You guys don't do it?”

otherLiam 11:03 AM: "what, you don’t, thorin?”

Jos 11:04 AM: "I do all the time”

ADULT_LINK△ 11:04 AM: "?????????”

otherLiam 11:04 AM: "it’s tasty.”

Jos 11:04 AM: "In fact”

Jos 11:04 AM: "Im doing it right now”

The Producer 11:04 AM: "are you ok slinky”

otherLiam 11:04 AM: "He thinks your meme actually killed someone.”

The Producer 11:04 AM: "no”

otherLiam 11:04 AM: "He’s used to accidentally fucking up.”

The Producer 11:04 AM: "i dont really have the power to kill”

The Producer 11:04 AM: "well i guess i do as much as you or anyone else”

The Producer 11:04 AM: "but not on the level of someone say like BUP”

The Producer 11:04 AM: "he likes to flex”

0h look! Its karkat! 11:05 AM: "So can you kill if you want”

The Producer 11:05 AM: "i mean anyone can kill if they want”

0h look! Its karkat! 11:05 AM: "But like not like Thanos just like a human”

The Producer 11:05 AM: "like just grabbing a gun”

Jos 11:05 AM: "You can always take a look out of the void and buy a sniper rifle”

The Producer 11:05 AM: "but i cant like retroactively create the death for someone else”

The Producer 11:05 AM: "but anyway”

The Producer 11:05 AM: "the kill switch”

The Producer 11:05 AM: "ill quote a nice old man”

The Producer 11:05 AM: "”Will you "turn off the power" so to speak. Will you kill it?. That poor amalgamation of a soul. That sick creature trying to control it for her will. Ben. Tyler. BEN. Mr.D also works. It was one title it went under.””

The Producer 11:05 AM: "even i dont fully understand the kill switch”

The Producer 11:05 AM: "but it did two things”

The Producer 11:05 AM: "temporarily cut luna off from our realm”

Jos 11:06 AM: "It create multiple timelines”

The Producer 11:06 AM: "and "killed" mr d”

Jos 11:06 AM: "Each kill switch”

Jos 11:06 AM: "2 decisions”

Jos 11:06 AM: "2 timelines each”

otherLiam 11:06 AM: "why is “killed” in quotes?”

The Producer 11:06 AM: "its hard to "kill" tenebris”

The Producer 11:06 AM: "”Rem - Kayd H.Can you really be sure that killing It will make it stop though?””

0h look! Its karkat! 11:07 AM: "Well then”

0h look! Its karkat! 11:07 AM: "Yo this special kind of air freshener tastes funny”

otherLiam 11:08 AM: "Tenebris is a zombie, confirmed.”

0h look! Its karkat! 11:08 AM: "More metallic like”

The Producer 11:08 AM: "its more like tenebris's current formation in that point in time was disrupted”

The Producer 11:08 AM: "the amalgamation died but the idea and entity persevered”

The Producer 11:08 AM: "again, to my understanding”

The Producer 11:08 AM: "he controls the giants”

Jos 11:09 AM: "So uh, guahs, what happens when you say yes or no?”

otherLiam 11:09 AM: "So all we did was unfuse those three.”

Jos 11:09 AM: "Guys*”

The Producer 11:09 AM: "after the kill switch was activated, they all dispersed and luna's summoning was halted”

0h look! Its karkat! 11:09 AM: "dispersed”

The Producer 11:10 AM: "i mean they did all disappear one at a time from the page”

The Producer 11:10 AM: "until kelbris gave his farewell speech”

otherLiam 11:10 AM: "Well... that seems like a useful thing to have on hand. Any chance we can get another one?”

The Producer 11:10 AM: "in his brief moment of clarity”

The Producer 11:10 AM: "I don't understand the full nature of the kill switch”

The Producer 11:10 AM: "I dont think its something you can simply replicate, though”

The Producer 11:10 AM: "things were going to be a lot more complicated back then”

The Producer 11:10 AM: "but from what i understand, times were tough”

The Producer 11:10 AM: "and what we saw is what we got”

The Producer 11:10 AM: "and right now”

The Producer 11:10 AM: "multiple forces are attacking from multiple angles”

The Producer 11:10 AM: "from different times and different places”

The Producer 11:10 AM: "but uh yeah”

Jos 11:12 AM: "Aaaah”

Jos 11:12 AM: "Temporal war”

Jos 11:12 AM: "I like it”

The Producer 11:12 AM: "thats what the kill switch did”

The Producer 11:12 AM: "fucked up tenebris and stopped luna for a bit”

Jos 11:12 AM: "I choose the title of time warlord”

The Producer 11:12 AM: "probably had more ramifications from that later down the line”

otherLiam 11:12 AM: "Well that’s useful.”

The Producer 11:13 AM: "i might have spoken too much about it but its ben a point of contention for a while now so fuck it”

otherLiam 11:13 AM: "Thanks, bruh.”

otherLiam 11:13 AM: "Helps a lot.”

The Producer 11:14 AM: "im happy to give out this information but it sickens me to do it in such a mundane way”

The Producer 11:14 AM: "feels”

The Producer 11:14 AM: "anticlimactic”

otherLiam 11:14 AM: "I mean you can always like... cipher it?”

The Producer 11:14 AM: "busywork”

otherLiam 11:14 AM: "You say we’re under attack from multiple factions. Are you BUP bois one of them? Cus like... this is a pretty weird attack.”

The Producer 11:14 AM: "there will be plenty of that later”

The Producer 11:14 AM: "each one of us kinda has our own thing going on while working towards one singular goal”

otherLiam 11:15 AM: "I get the feeling some pretty “climactic” shit is in the works. Clearing up past confusion doesn’t have to be an epic.”

ADULT_LINK△ 11:15 AM: "plenty of attacking?”

The Producer 11:15 AM: "if BUP chooses to attack then thats on him”

pakospooky 11:15 AM: "bup”

The Producer 11:15 AM: "plenty of ciphering”

The Producer 11:15 AM: "i meant”

ADULT_LINK△ 11:15 AM: ":BUP:”

otherLiam 11:15 AM: "So yall aren’t really one unified faction, just sort of a collective of individuals?”

The Producer 11:15 AM: "we are”

The Producer 11:15 AM: "The Collective”

pakospooky 11:15 AM: ":hando: BUP :hand:”

The Producer 11:16 AM: ":slendy:”

Jos 11:16 AM: "Lower your shields”

Jos 11:16 AM: "And prepare for assimilation”

Jos 11:16 AM: "Your culture will adapt to us”

The Producer 11:16 AM: "speaking of, i wasnt being literal with "the operator"”

otherLiam 11:16 AM: "Dude I’ll assimilate, y’all are way more fun.”

The Producer 11:16 AM: "that was just a reference”

The Producer 11:16 AM: "but apparently it does have some meaning as well?”

otherLiam 11:16 AM: "we out here borgin’”

The Producer 11:16 AM: "unintentional on my part”

Jos 11:17 AM: "Yeah, the Borg from star trek”

pakospooky 11:17 AM: "operator was mattR?”

The Producer 11:17 AM: "he went by that, yeah”

The Producer 11:17 AM: "i guess he wanted an epic codename”

otherLiam 11:17 AM: "i mean that’d be silly, having some kind of pseudonym right”

The Producer 11:18 AM: "yeah what kind of loser”

The Producer 11:18 AM: "he always did enjoy having a variety of names”

The Producer 11:18 AM: "Matt R”

The Producer 11:18 AM: "Ifrit”

The Producer 11:18 AM: "Rodney”

The Producer 11:18 AM: "I believe he's going by a new one now”

The Producer 11:18 AM: "but I can't be certain”

otherLiam 11:19 AM: "so your job is to “produce” stuff. Are you like, freelance, or are you under exclusive contract with BUP?”

The Producer 11:20 AM: "im the producer”

The Producer 11:20 AM: "i producer”

The Producer 11:20 AM: "and i love it”

The Producer 11:20 AM: "i love it so much”

pakospooky 11:20 AM: "what you produce”

The Producer 11:20 AM: "things”

otherLiam 11:20 AM: "Alright then. What’re your rates?”

pakospooky 11:20 AM: "weird things?”

The Producer 11:20 AM: "i dont charge but i only take jobs im interested in”

otherLiam 11:20 AM: "What does a spooky extraplanar producer take as a currency?”

The Producer 11:21 AM: "dogecoin”

otherLiam 11:21 AM: "yall would use crypto”

otherLiam 11:21 AM: "Would you produce things for us if we came up with something interesting?”

The Producer 11:22 AM: "uhhh maybe”

The Producer 11:24 AM: "alright im gonna pull a classic move”

ADULT_LINK△ 11:24 AM: "didnt dogecoin tank to the point of worthlessness?”

The Producer 11:24 AM: ""one more question then im outta here"”

otherLiam 11:24 AM: "A gamer move, even.”

The Producer 11:24 AM: "yes”

ADULT_LINK△ 11:24 AM: "and/or was that one of the other bajillion cryptocurrencies”

The Producer 11:24 AM: "next queshtown”

otherLiam 11:24 AM: "Aight someone else ask it, I’ve been hogging him.”

The Producer 11:24 AM: "also im not too familiar with cryptocurrencies tbh ptobably a lot”

The Producer 11:26 AM: "better hurry im almost done with my morning joe”

The Producer 11:26 AM: "https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/453323274496245764/651096797464363034/unknown.png”

otherLiam 11:27 AM: "...really? nobody else has a question?”

The Producer 11:27 AM: "im glad all of you questions have been answered”

ADULT_LINK△ 11:27 AM: "i've been trying to sleep for the pats like”

ADULT_LINK△ 11:27 AM: "5 hours”

otherLiam 11:27 AM: "hard oof”

ADULT_LINK△ 11:27 AM: "maybe 4”

The Producer 11:27 AM: "damn”

The Producer 11:27 AM: "someone play gorons lullaby”

ADULT_LINK△ 11:28 AM: "its 8:30 AM: " somehow so”

otherLiam 11:28 AM: "Okay, fine, I have a question. Is there anything you think we should be doing, other than just waiting?”

The Producer 11:28 AM: "currently, no”

pakospooky 11:29 AM: "here in Spain is the 5:30 PM”

The Producer 11:29 AM: "unfortunately all you can do now is wait”

The Producer 11:29 AM: "and chat with interesting people over Discord”

The Producer 11:29 AM: "kinda boring”

The Producer 11:29 AM: "but hey thats what we got right now”

otherLiam 11:29 AM: "Wouldn’t say boring.”

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flauntpage · 7 years ago

Text

Bruce Maxwell Had the Courage, and Credibility, to Take MLB's First Knee

On Saturday, the ACLU tweeted a quote from Jackie Robinson's 1972 memoir, I Never Had It Made:

"I cannot stand and sing the anthem. I cannot salute the flag; I know that I am a black man in a white world."

On Saturday, Oakland Athletics rookie catcher Bruce Maxwell, a black man, became the first MLB player to kneel during the national anthem. In a moment that faintly echoed Robinson and white teammate Pee Wee Reese's iconic embrace seven decades ago, Mark Canha placed his left hand on Maxwell's shoulder. The game went on. Oakland beat Texas 1-0.

Maxwell spoke eloquently about his reasons for taking a knee. Following his tweets from the weekend, you can see that Donald Trump's fixation on Colin Kaepernick and Steph Curry rather than national issues like the destruction of Puerto Rico struck a chord with him.

Why did it take so long?

The conservatism that has always held baseball hostage is a short, serviceable answer. It's nothing new. Back when Muhammad Ali was embracing the Nation of Islam, and Tommie Smith and John Carlos were raising their fists in black solidarity at the Olympics, the most meaningful activism among baseball players was economic—the fight to unionize and to earn free agency. Even the leaders of those movements faced backlash from their fellow players, not to mention owners, the media, and the public at large.

In the decades since, we have witnessed the repeal of the Fairness Doctrine, the imposition of internet filter bubbles, the optimization of soft news—of which sports is a crown jewel—and the deterioration of the American education system. Today, the average citizen cannot readily discern fact from fiction. They revert back to their trusted information troughs that validate their biases and make them feel better, smarter. Baseball players are like extreme versions of this, only with more confidence.

In the company of a few players last year, for example, I mentioned the (once again relevant) Paid Patriotism in Sports investigation led by Republican Senators Jeff Flake and John McCain from Arizona, which revealed that the Department of Defense paid MLB and other major sports leagues millions of dollars to stage many of the boutique military exercises we as players had all become so accustomed to being accessories to, standing at attention with our hands over our hearts along the foul line. One player told me that this was "liberal fake news," and that "John McCain would never do no kinda shit like that."

Baseball may value shut-up-and-play guys more than any other sport. The patron saint of that archetype is Derek Jeter, the most beloved baseball player since Babe Ruth, whose farewell tour was seen by many as excessive. What had he done but win championships? But to celebrate Jeter was to celebrate kicking ass and taking names, the Crash Davis school of never saying the wrong thing (not to be confused with saying the right thing) and only making waves off the field in heterosexual sex scandals that ultimately add girth to the legacy.

Orioles veteran centerfielder Adam Jones is one of the few players to consistently speak out about issues of race, from talking about Freddie Gray's death in 2015 to calling out fans who shouted the N-word at him in Fenway Park last season. A year ago, Jones said that Kaepernick–style protests hadn't made their way to MLB because "baseball is a white man's sport."

Jones was one of just 58 black, African American, or African Canadian players on active rosters for Opening Day this season, according to the 2017 Major League Baseball Racial and Gender Report Card. That number doesn't include Maxwell, who was called up from Triple-A later in April, nor several players who were on the DL, but the report still calls attention to "the relatively small and declining percentage of African-American players" in baseball.

It should be noted that Afro-Caribbean players born in the U.S. are not always counted in that group. I am both African and American—my parents' native Cuba was only a few stops on the Atlantic slave trade away from the Alabama of Maxwell's youth—but on the only Jackie Robinson Day in which I was in the Major Leagues (2009), I was not tabbed for that photo opportunity.

The same 2017 report card notes that there are more players of color in the league now than ever before. And the growing Latino presence in MLB creates more racial complexity that is especially hard to follow for people who don't see race and want all this race stuff to go back into the shadows. Many Latino people are racist. Many Latino people deny their own blackness. For every white-passing Latino with less than a quarter of African blood in them who speaks with an alarming NPM (niggas per minute) in public spaces, there is an undeniably African Latino who doesn't believe they're black. The individual desires of people of color to defer participation in "race" chips at the solidarity of the black community as efficiently as racism itself does. This is hard for anthropologists to follow, much less ballplayers.

Black solidarity is difficult to negotiate with a language barrier, and one should understand what might dissuade, for instance, a Venezuelan Afro-Latino from criticizing any aspect of American culture when matters are worse in every sense, including race issues, in their own country. Black people who are well traveled, especially Afro-Latinos who've traveled to many Spanish-speaking countries, eventually come to the glib conclusion quicker than anyone else, that despite our longtime and recently stoked problems here in America, there is perhaps no better place in the world to be black.

Kaepernick's protest spread slowly but surely across the NFL, where African-Americans made up 69.7 percent of players last year. Athletes in the NBA and the WNBA—two more leagues with majority black rosters—have also become fluent in peaceful protest in the last few years. Demographics may have kept the Kaepernick movement from catching on in baseball, but it's important to note that baseball conservatism has many layers.

In baseball, conformism is subconsciously enforced by the martial law of the purpose pitch, and by the ingrained biases of the people in power who make personnel decisions and drive its culture. When you wear your hat a certain way, a coach may say, "Why do you have to be different?" Your hair may irk him, and when you miss the cutoff man, it may be more irksome to him than when the guy who looks more like his son does it. There's the crappy .220 hitter and there's the scrappy .220 hitter, and the formula for who goes to AAA and who stays on as the good clubhouse guy is subjective at best.

It takes a special person to stand up, or kneel down, when you consider the full weight of the baseball institution.

Why was it Bruce Maxwell?

Three weeks into the NFL season, Colin Kaepernick is still unemployed. NFL insiders have been more reticent to say he's being blackballed than non-insiders like activist Shaun King. While Kaepernick is probably as capable as most starting NFL quarterbacks, he is not in the elite, irreplaceable strata of athletes. This gives the owners who don't sign him (i.e., all the owners) plausible deniability. It complicates the issue of Kaepernick's unemployment.

John Hefti-USA TODAY Sports

As a player, Bruce Maxwell is even more replaceable than Kaepernick. Though the Oakland A's were swift to defend Maxwell after he kneeled on Saturday, it is important to note that if he were to be blackballed, it would be virtually impossible to prove. To date, Maxwell has proven he is a light-hitting catcher worth about half a win above replacement over the course of a season. Though many ballplayers are late bloomers, Maxwell's 300 at-bats represent a sufficiently large enough sample size for him to slowly fade into journeyman status without a second thought.

But whether he noticed or not, Maxwell's path was eased by other circumstances. The Oakland A's were mathematically eliminated from the playoffs on September 22, though they were never in the race at all, and even sold off their best pitcher at the trade deadline. The length of MLB's season holds that half its teams engage in dozens of meaningless games, such as Saturday's historic, meaningless contest between the Rangers and the Athletics. Maxwell has enjoyed the luxury of relatively low stakes—in baseball terms.

Along those lines, a story:

The morning after my club, the Tampa Bay Rays, beat the Red Sox in the 2008 ALCS, a handful of teammates and I supported then Senator Barack Obama at a rally in Florida. As a rookie, I was "hazed" by being volunteered to introduce the most famous political figure of our generation with a short speech before a capacity crowd at Legends Field. We were criticized for associating the team with a political party, but it was manageable—World Series stakes or not, Tampa is a tiny sports market. At the same time, had there not been several senior teammates with me, I might not have gone to the Obama rally. I might have caved under the pressure of fitting in that Maxwell overcame. And despite a military veteran father of my own, had all of what's happening now been happening in the middle of a playoff race I was in as a rookie, especially in a major market, I would probably not have taken a knee—by myself no less—during the national anthem, either. You don't want to be labeled a "distraction" by the media, and then become one in a superstitious, cliquey clubhouse as a rookie who is a new actor in a championship run that is years in the making. We have yet to see a major baseball star in a major market make a major political engagement. We have yet to see a Kaepernick–grade athlete use the platform of a championship run, with its larger audience. The "distraction" is perhaps entirely superstition, which especially pervades sports, but its effect is real.

My money would have been on Jones to be the first player to take a knee, despite his comments. My number two choice would have been Rays pitcher Chris Archer. But Maxwell was the right guy at the right time. He was born on a military base in Germany. His father is a veteran. For a certain kind of person watching these protests—which many critics have mischaracterized as being about "the flag" or "the troops," instead of racial inequality and police violence—he had the credibility, along with the courage, to do something.

This is what Archer told the press on Sunday after Maxwell took a knee:

"It did take a while in baseball, I think mainly because the other sports that do that are predominantly black," says Archer. "Our sport isn't, so I think the criticism might be a little more harsh. It took somebody really special that had a unique background to take that leap.

"The way he went about it was totally, I think, as respectful as possible, just letting everybody know that this doesn't have anything to do with the military, first and foremost, noting that he has family members that are in the military. It's a little bit tougher for baseball players to make that leap, but I think he was the right person to do it."

What Happens Now

Maxwell was cheered by the home Oakland crowd in his first at-bat since kneeling, a line-out to left field. In Mariners veteran Felix Hernandez, he was not forced to face the kind of (white, surly) pitcher one might expect to throw at a guy to send a political message, though it's not at all implausible a pitcher of Felix Hernandez's background could have thrown that purpose pitch "for America" after reading a tea party blog during pregame.

In the last week of the season, more teams will be eliminated (including the Rays), and their players will officially have no distraction superstition as a deterrent. For these players, there will be fewer games after which to face reporters. Here is what Archer told me in a text message: "What [Maxwell] did was tasteful & respectful to all parties. I wouldn't be surprised if more guys start to follow suit."

Bruce Maxwell Had the Courage, and Credibility, to Take MLB's First Knee published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

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