#SORRY I DONT HAVE COHERENT THOUGHTS OR AN EXCUSE FOR NOT HAVING COHERENT THOUGHTS :sob:

[pinkseas]

[parasocial bestie] GOOD MORNING ALY BESTIE i saw ur reblog about love and it had me feeling things,... like gosh that being how i want out of xiaolumi but like??? pettiness has me comparing to common fanon a Lot but aside the shit i love thinking that xiao and lumine's 'love' doesnt feel so much like love, but theres something that leads up to it almost endlessly.

i sorta always like to joke myself in the middle of thinking brainrot angst how lumine constantly rejects herself that she likes xiao due to events that had her going to that revelation, not bc she fears of his rejection but the realization this 'like' doesnt feel like it fits her true feelings to him, a genuineness that doesnt sound complete and certain. like somehow, shes compensating. i have a tendency to voice out lumine's thoughts more than xiao simply bc she's more expressive and solid on her choices, but this is the only matter that she really REALLY felt unsure bc of how rocky her relationship with xiao had been, and how rocky xiao is himself.

its something she's willing to face if it meant he can feel better abt his life, but then also came the fact she prolly does this to make herself better too in having someone to fill the gap where aether had been. and thats never enough, no one has the right shape to fit her brother no matter how close they are, and thats not an exception to xiao.

i did have a small excerpt in my head to express this when paimon joked about how close they'd been, and "Paimon would've thought you really liked him!"

and instead of a comical rebuttal the fairy would just hear something so out of lumine. like a realisation shes resigned into, that she couldnt so anything about it. "... I do like him, Pai. I really,... really like him." ("and it's my biggest mistake to think that.")

like yknow,... like god yknow how personal it felt to me as an aromantic that the word "like" just feels much STRONGER than "love", and doing it to lmi. and the matter to xiao himself is a completely different story, bc while lumine is viewed how much her impression to xiao as a friend held by distance had turned out more than that, for xiao its a developing curiosity he learns about her more and more without counting how important she is to him. that already goes without saying xiao still values her, but its not the centerpoint, because his arc is about being guided.

though it does, in the end, he realizes the curiosity is a sign he 'responds' to lumine's 'like'. and that unfolds in their very last scene together (that got me giggling crying so much since its his ideal ending)

bc to me its not a love story, it's a story of growth in feeling for both of them. like man,... bc in the end it still leads back to that op, that love is a feeling of home. so gentle and warm. and thats how it ends for them, to the very day lumine reunites with aether and they depart from teyvat, did they share goodbyes in an acceptance they replied to each other's... 'love', but not in a way people think. love is shaped in so many meanings, and theirs is only one of them. and this slow development aside their close friendship-to-qpr is so important to me yknow

I HOPE UR HAVING A GOOD NIGHT BESTIE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this is going to make me explode and die i hope you know. holy shit. holy SHIT. GODDDDDDDDDDDDD. i 100% understand like feeling stronger than love and i LOVE that in regards to this im so im so im so

ITS NOT A LOVE STORY ITS A STORY OF GROWTH REAL TRUE BASED THATS EXACTLY IT ohhhhhhh my God. bestie youre killing me im going to be thinking about this all fucking day im gonna fucking explode IM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[lately-youvebeenonmymind]

Oh, Baby - A.I.

In which sub!y/n forgets her place in the bedroom.

hey guys this is like the first smut I've ever written and the first time I've written in years soooo it’s probs shitty but I hope it’s not!! Also not me using puppy self indulgently bc no one ever uses it....... haha........

WARNINGS: face slapping, heavy degradation, not rlly petplay (maybe if u squint) but use of terms “puppy/pup,” “mutt,” and “pet” in sexual situations, fake sympathy, use of the word “daddy” in sexual situations, general dom/sub dynamics, safeword is implied beforehand in the scene (they have a safeword and the reader would use it if needed but it’s not needed here because it’s just a rough scene w heavy words and impact play pls dont come for me ik how d/s relationships work!!!), and just overall my shitty writing lol . I think that’s it lol enjoy:)

Word count: 1.7k

Ashton is always the dominate one. Both of us are firm in our roles inside and outside the bedroom, Ashton being the one to take control in everyday situations due to his more dominant personality, and me tending to be more in the background.

Ashton takes care of me, and does so very well. Most of the time I’m very content with being pampered, thrown around, and given orders during sex.

However, my mind tends to wander. Wanders to how my big, strong dom would look whining and begging beneath me.

Honestly, I can barely call myself a switch. I much prefer to be dominated. But for just a second, I’d kill to have Ashton admit that he’s just as much a bitch for me as I am for him. Just... for a little fun.

.....

“Fuck, doll, you feel so good,” Ashton moans from above me. My legs are wrapped around his waist as he pounds into me at a fast and steady pace. My eyes roll into the back of my head, my nails scratching into his chest, making him let out such a godly moan.

Sometimes, just for a second, his dominant front falters. When I leave pretty red scratches on this chest or when I tug on his hair extra hard, his face scrunches up so beautifully and I can tell he wants to ask - or beg - for more.

The idea, mixed with the image of Ashton in utter bliss above me makes me whimper, Ashton smirking at the sound.

He slows his thrusts, grabbing my face roughly in his large hands.

“On top, baby. I want to see my pretty girl bounce on my cock. Can you do that for me?”

“Yes, sir.”

This is my chance.

We quickly readjust ourselves so I’m straddling Ashton’s cock. The power I know I have in this position is making my pussy soaked, and I moan as soon as Ashton is back inside of me again.

Seeing him beneath me, blissed out from me clenching my walls around him, looking oh so pretty, sparks my courage to do something I’ve always wanted to.

“You know, Ashy,” I say, once again digging my nails into his chest to make faded, pretty red lines leading down to his stomach, “you look really, really pretty like this.” I trail my hands back up his chest slowly, reaching for his throat and gently squeezing, just as he does to me on most occasions. “I think I like it,” I lean down and whisper in his ear, biting on his neck when I’m done.

At first, I think it’s working. I smirk as his eyes close and he takes in deep breaths, slowing the movement of my hips to tease him more.

My victory doesn’t last long, though. Within seconds, I’m flipped back around, Ashton pounding into me angrily, one of his hands around my throat and the other making a quick slap at my face.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing, angel?” He growls down to me. “Did you really think you could just try and overpower me? You stupid. Fucking Mutt.”

I whine at his words, each in the last sentence being punctuated by his hips thrusting into me, the last word being accompanied by another slap to my face. The pain from being hit, choked, and roughly fucked makes me let out a loud moan, my head being thrown back from the force of his thrusts and the power of his blows.

“Oh is puppy turned on from getting hit? How fucking disgusting. You just wanted to make daddy angry, huh? You could’ve just asked to be fucked hard, baby. You know how easy it is to be daddy’s angel. But I guess dirty little pets like you can never get anything right, huh?”

I shake my head hastily at his words, my head not being able to move much due to the loosened grip he still held on my neck.

“No, sir, didn’t mean to disobey. Just thought you looked so pretty, daddy. Couldn’t help myself,” my words are broken as I speak them, barely coherent as my mind is taken over by the pleasure of being treated so mean. I love when Ashton acts like this, when he’s degrading and mean and laughs at me for being pathetic. Being kept as his little pet, so to speak, is one of my favorite things.

Ashton laughs darkly at my poor excuse for my actions and sticks one of his long fingers in my mouth, making me choke slightly as he shoves them to the back of my throat.

“Awe, baby just thought daddy looked pretty? Well why didn’t you say so, darling? Because daddy being fucking pretty completely excuses your disobedience, right? Means daddy doesn’t have to punish you?” He laughs once again at his own words. “How stupid can you be, babydoll? I’m sick of your excuses,” he says softly with a look of fake sympathy, a slight pout upon his pretty lips. His tone borders sickly sweet as speaks his cruel words to me.

“Fuck daddy, I’m sorry, so sorry,” I sob when he takes his fingers out of my mouth.

This earns another slap to my face. “I said I didn’t want to hear any more excuses, mutt. Not another word out of your mouth. I don’t want to listen to any more pathetic words you have to say. Bad pets don't get to use their words. Daddy only listens to good girls. Speaking to your master is a privilege, do you understand?”

I nod up at him with teary eyes, letting him fuck me hard until I feel my orgasm approach. I start whimpering, trying to be quiet but still alert to Ashton of my orgasm as to be granted permission.

“Fuck, doll, feel so good squeezing my cock,” he moans from above me. “Does puppy need to cum? Want daddy to let you cum, pet?” From his tone I can tell that he’s not going to allow me to cum, and the knowledge of that makes me scream in frustration, making Ashton laugh. “Awe, what a smart pup. She must know that daddy isn’t going to let her cum tonight, huh? Poor thing,” he pouts and then smirks as he pulls out of me slowly. I whine at the feeling of being empty, desperately trying to grab at Ashton as he pulls away from me completely.

“On your knees,” he commands harshly, standing next to the bed. I take my time sitting up, my legs and core aching from the way he’s been treating my body. Ashton doesn’t appreciate the time I’m taking, though, and is quick to grab my hair and pull me from the bed, shoving me down to the ground in front of him. “I said on. Your. Knees,” he growls from above me.

My knees make a sound as I hit the floor hard. Ashton’s hand is still tangled in my hair, pushing me towards his hardened cock.

I open my mouth for him to enter me, closing my eyes in bliss as I hear him groan when he hits the back of my throat. He starts to fuck my mouth, going slow despite my current punishment until I get used to the feeling of him stretching my throat. Soon, he’s thrusting into my mouth at a fast pace, causing tears to leak from my eyes and spit to drip down the corners of my mouth.

“Eyes open, princess. Look at me,” his voice is strained as he gives me the order. I look up to see his face contorted in pleasure, the muscles in his arms flexing as he holds me to his cock by my hair and his face, hair, and chest soaked from sweat. The sight causes me to moan around him, his grip in my hair tightening as his thrusts begin to come faster.

My hands go up to dig my nails in his thighs, the sight and feeling of him fucking my throat making the need to touch him stronger than ever. They were quickly swatted away, though, as Ashton starts going rougher than ever. “No fucking touching, slut. You’re still getting punished. You’ve seemed to forget your place quite a few times tonight, baby. You’re on thin fucking ice already, doll.” His voice wavers towards the end, his thrusts becoming sloppy as he chases his release. “Don’t swallow,” he stutters out as he cums in my mouth and a little down my throat.

I try to keep as much of him in my mouth as possible as he pulls out, making sure to sit back on my heels and keep my teary eyes on him as he looks down on me.

He gently caresses my face as he bends down to get more on my level. He keeps a thumb on my bottom lip as he commands me to open my mouth. I let a mixture of his cum and my spit drip down my chin, onto his hand and down my body. His eyes grow hooded at the sight and he quickly grabs my chin in his hand to bring me in for a kiss.

“Such a messy girl, so pretty for me. You took your punishment so well tonight, lovie. Let’s get you cleaned up.” He helps me to my feet and cleans me off, giving gentle kisses to my bruised knees and sweetly petting the cheek where he hit me.

Soon, I was wrapped up in the covers and Ashton’s arms, listening to his heartbeat as I let my body rest. I feel his chest shake a bit as he laughs.

“What?” I ask sleepily.

“You thought I looked good... so you tried to dominate me? Did you have any plan or anything?” He laughs as he remembers the scene.

I blush and hide my face in his chest. “Shut up. I just... think you’re really great...” I mumble. “Wanna show you how pretty I think you are...”

He laughs once again and brings me in closer, kissing my forehead. “Thank you, baby. It means a lot. It’s cute that you tried, but it’s never happening, sweetheart. You do so much for daddy all the time. My good puppy. So good for me today.”

[the-gayest-tree-you-ever-did-see]

i love arjuna the forest burner with three friends, hell i might be him (minus the literal tree burning). ooh sanjay is for shire the douchebag like villian in every telugu movie. all though would you consider sangamesh (jathi ratnalu reference) to be better?

instantly thinks of that tumblr post that calls the moon polyamorous. i love the moon too (wouldn’t say it’s sexy *looks pointedly at you*) even thought i’m technically somewhat named after the sun lol.

i would have wanted to be one of the fans (lucky fucks) but let’s be honest i would’ve choked so hard. kudos to them for pulling it off so well!!

also fuck youu, you’re already married to meeee (/j) *sobs loudly*

“i always knew this day would come” <\3

*read in dan’s voice from pinof*

(i guess here’s the second plot arc for that fanfic writer)

also yes phil literally looked like voldemort and the pop ups ads for other creators was a bit annoying.

our wedding pictures were so beautiful *sniffs* but THEY MEAN NOTHING ANYMORE (has an eliza hamilton moment and pretends to burn all the asks i’ve sent you)

idk i’m someone whose always liked having a plan, but being queer rlly decided to go and fuck all that up. it makes me so anxious and scared cause i’ve literally never came out to anyone irl and i don’t think i ever can (wow that got sad). i guess whatever happens happens and i’m in a relatively good place now so i’m just thankful :)

mwah! i love you so much!!

- indi <3

(also i wrote this during the day instead of working so hopefully it’s more coherent. although it might be even worse cause i wrote it in chunks when no one was looking. anyway, i love you. <3

sanjay is the friend who starts out the bestie and turns out to be working for the villain, only to die after the reveal happens. sangamesh is... no. um. no. no. speaking of jathi ratnalu though, the actress who plays chitti, faria abdullah, made an appearance on Dancee+ for a celebrity dance thing, and shes like. really good. shes really tall though, i was not expecting her to tower over everyone lol

excuse me the WHAT post?? moons valid and all but this is the first of heard of this, unless im dumb and forgot lol. sun names are always so cool, every language has such pretty sun names, but names like Surya and Ravi never struck my fancy. Aditya is also a cool one, but it feels a bit more feminine so its lower on the list. sorry for venting about names lmao

no but seriously, i ramble when im nervous so they wouldve had to cut out ten minutes of me going on a tangent about fuckin luca or flamingoes or something so yeah. i wish i couldve been there to tell him those things, but the phannies who were there said pretty much everything i wanted him to hear so its cool. they did everything so wonderfully and im glad it was them!!

may i introduce you to ✨ polyamory✨ (be honest would you not leave me for abigail thorn, holder of all hearts? thats what i thought) and also we never actually got married bc you.... yk........ burned down the venue? aha dont know if you REMEMBER but aha there wasnt a wedding to attend *clears throat pointedly*

preemptive divorce </3

yeah, @curldisease heres some inspo, some hurt/comfort and more angst for you, ill be expecting the fic at sun down /j

no but literally, at least voldemort had other features, poor phil was eyes and hair 😔 they did you wrong my buddy

girl 😭✋🏽 you already burned the venue, whats the album mean to me- *backtracks* i mean, aha, *turns into that guy from F2 who just says "anthega? anthega?" the whole time* (have you seen F2?)

no same, being queer just completely wrecked every plan i had, but yk, i know the future is bright (thanks phil) so its okay as long as im happy in the end! im glad youre in a good place, that makes me happy to hear!!

in other news, i started a writing blog!! im pretty excited about it (which is why im telling you, lol) but im afraid it might pressure me and ill quit, which is why im taking it as slow as i can, lmao. im looking forward to using it though, that way i know the people there only follow me for writing and not whatever nonsense ive got going on here.

mwah! i love you more <3

(honestly i cant tell, do whatever you want and im here for it! im literally just vibing, do whatever. love you <3) (also sorry i answered this so late lol, i thought i posted it but it was sitting in drafts)

[side-effect-of-the-meds]

Okay so its okay if u dont do this, i underdstand but if ever you do im wondering what Aaron's reaction is once he finds out what happened to Erin? Im just desperate for twinyards. How does he take it and will he ever find out what happened to her in all those foster homes and her scars?

Sorry this took so long, love! You’ve probably lost interest but here’s the answer anyway. I’ve got another request for Twinyards so I’m saving the scars bit for that. 

They were only playing around when it happened. Katelyn had been riling Aaron up since he’d walked through the door, teasing him, laughing at him. The breaking point had been when she started to tickle him. 

“Katelyn, stop,” he gasped through fits of laughter. 

“Say please,” she cooed. Aaron could barely catch his breath, let alone say please. Instead, he caught her by her wrists and flipped her over so he sat straddling her. Pinning her arms down on either side of her face he closed the distance between the two of them. He speckled kisses all over her face. Katelyn laughed at the ridiculous display of affection from him. As he pulled back, he saw her face flushed with her arms pinned on either side. Her long blonde hair had come unbound and was splayed across the white bedsheets. Suddenly, the sheets were soaked red. The hands pinning her down weren’t his own. They were far too big to be his. Drawing his gaze back to Katelyn’s face, it wasn’t Katelyn he had pinned down. In her place was a face identical to his own, haloed by pale gold hair. Tears streamed down the girl’s face. Manic laughter echoed through Aaron’s head.

“Erin!” he shrieked as he toppled off the bed. Scrambling backward, he felt his back hit the door. Aaron felt as if there were chains binding his torso. He clawed desperately at his chest, trying to tear off chains that weren’t really there. He couldn’t breathe. 

“Aaron. Aaron, it’s me. It’s Katelyn.” Aaron’s gaze snapped up to see Katelyn kneeling a foot in front of him. Her hands were outstretched, hovering around his face. He grabbed them and cupped them around his face. Sobs wracked his body and he felt Katelyn get closer. She dropped a hand from his face and wrapped her arm around him. She drew him into her lap. Aaron didn’t know how long he sat there crying, only that Katelyn didn’t leave him the entire time. 

It had been three weeks since Erin had been shipped off to Easthaven. Aaron hadn’t even known that she was leaving. Josten had been the one to tell him. The words had barely left her mouth before he’d shot out of his chair, knocking it over in the process. He’d torn down the hall and flung open the front door. Aaron had run all the way down the street before collapsing to his knees. Digging his hands into the ground, he ripped hunks of grass out and screamed up at the sky. He curled up in a ball and lay there for a few seconds, minutes, hours. Something nudged him and he turned to look up. A hand had appeared out of the sky. For half a second, Aaron thought it was God coming to save him from his misery. It was only Josten. He smacked her hand away and got to his feet on his own. Trudging back to the house, he wiped the tears from his eyes. He smeared snot all over his shirt sleeve but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

“What did you think running was going to accomplish?” Josten asked him when she found him searching for answers at the bottom of a bottle of Jack Daniels. Aaron just stared at the floor. 

“Why are you different?” he whispered. He looked over at Josten. A frown creased her brow. “I know you’re not that stupid,” he spat. “Why does Erin treat you differently? What makes you so special? Why does she do things for you?” 

Now it was Josten’s turn to avoid his gaze. He watched as she shrunk into her sweater. No. Not hers. The sweater she wore belonged to Erin, a Christmas present from Nicky. He had watched his sister chuck it in Josten’s face before they’d left for the drive out here. After a few endless minutes, she finally answered. “Because we’re the same,” she whispered. 

“What do you mean?” Aaron asked. With a sigh, Ania told him about men with sharp smiles and roaming hands. She told him about their stale alcohol breath and the weight of them bearing down on her. She told him about a boy in Millport that’s shoved her up against the lockers so many times that she’d lost count. Tears slipped from Aaron’s eyes against his will. Little by little, the pieces of the puzzle clicked together. 

“That’s why you never come near us,” Aaron said softly as she finished her story. He watched the slow nod of her head. “Josten.” Her eyes remained glued to the floor. “Ania,” he said. Slowly, she dragged her gaze up to meet his. “I hate you but I won’t ever hurt you,” he said. A small smile tinged her lips. Aaron could have sworn his soul left his body. Even tired and broken, Ania Josten was stunning. Not as stunning as Katelyn, of course, but she had her appeal. 

“Erin would kill you if you tried,” she replied. Aaron huffed a laugh. She was right. Brother or not, Erin would never stand for him doing anything even remotely resembling what the two of them had survived. “You know, it’s 2 a.m., right?” Aaron cursed softly and Ania’s smile grew. “Get to bed. I’ll drive us home in the morning.” Aaron let her take the bottle from him and trudged up the stairs alone. He felt a shard of pain wrench his heart as he passed Erin’s room. Collapsing into his bed, he let his exhaustion drag him into sleep. That night he dreamt of dark red blood smeared across golden hair and pale wrists. 

---

Loving his sister was undoubtedly the hardest thing Aaron had ever done. In the three years that he’d known her, she had always shut him out. A lot of it made sense now. Her last brother had been a disgusting excuse for a human being. How could she expect Aaron to be any better? Sitting in the booth at the diner, Aaron found himself resenting the fact that all the Foxes were together. As soon as Erin was out of the picture, Kevin and his cousin had started cozying up to the upperclassmen. A pang of guilt always stuck him in the gut as he felt the Katelyn’s arm wind around his waist. As soon as Erin was out of the picture, he’d started cozying up with Katelyn in front of the others too. Didn’t that make him just as bad? That night he let Katelyn kiss him until his brain couldn’t form a single coherent thought. 

Laying beside her, he traced patterns across her exposed stomach. All of the cheerleaders were pure lean muscle. All except Katelyn. Unknown to most, her uniform hid a layer of fat on her abdomen. Katelyn had been self-conscious about taking her shirt off in front of him the first time but it hadn’t taken him long to convince her he loved it just as much as the rest of her. 

“Why wouldn’t I?” he’d asked. “It’s the world’s most heavenly pillow.” Katelyn’s bright laughter had filled the room as he rested his chin on it. Staring up at her, Aaron was convinced that he was staring right at the sun. Being so close to the sun would only burn him up and Aaron knew it. Hearing her laughter, Aaron decided that he wouldn’t mind if it was for her. 

Now as she lay sleeping, Aaron felt soft and sleepy himself. Warmth bloomed in his chest at the sound of her murmuring his name softly in her sleep. A thought cut through his sleep-addled brain. Could Erin ever have this? 

Aaron knew that his sister deserved someone who loved her more than anyone he’d ever met. But who? Kevin definitely wasn’t good enough for her. Matt seemed fond of her but that didn’t seem quite right either. Erin needed someone who understood what she’d been through. Someone who wouldn’t push her any further than she was willing to go. She needed someone who’d whisper her name like a prayer. 

There is someone, Aaron realized. His thoughts turned to a person with a smile that could easily light the stadium all on its own. A person who always took no for an answer, and so, was never denied a single request. A person who he’d once heard whisper, ‘Jude’ in her sleep like the prayer of a sinner on her deathbed. 

Loving Erin Jude Minyard was damnation itself. Aaron knew his sister was all hard lines and sharp edges. She was all vice with no discernible virtue but Aaron didn’t care. He had spent his entire life feeling sorry for himself, believing that there wasn’t a soul in the world more deserving of salvation than his own. From the moment he’d laid eyes on the empty shell of a person that Erin was, he’d known he was wrong. Never before had Aaron felt such shame as he did when he realized the depth of his own selfishness. 

Being raised by a drug-addict and her endless string of short term boyfriends only bought Aaron so many concessions and he knew he’d used them up long ago. Aaron’s self-centeredness had hurt more people than he cared to admit. He was no saint and he didn’t have any intention of becoming one. Still, some small part of him wondered if he lived out the remainder of his life trying to make amends for all he’d done before maybe, just maybe, he’d get to glimpse his sister standing behind the gates of heaven on his way down to hell.  

The next morning at practice, he watched a girl who’d once outshone the sun collapse into herself like a dying star, sucking up every shard of light and joy as she went. Watching her, Aaron began to think he’d found the only person who cared more for his sister than he did. Erin deserved better. He was sure of it but they were Foxes. They’d never get what they deserved. Settling for less was an art form that every one of them had been forced to master. 

Screwing his eyes shut, he prayed with sincerity for the first time in a long time. “Please,” he whispered. “Just let my sister be happy. Even if it’s with Josten. With Ania.”

[karlilarki]

A Little Something, Part 16

**Images above are NOT mine, I do not claim them in any way**

Word Count: 1,336

Avengers AU where it’s present-day, reader is main character and most characters are in their early to mid twenties.

Warnings: Lots of Angst (because apparently that’s all I’m capable of?), reference to past suicide of sibling, swearing, I dunno. Feedback is welcome. 

Part 15   |   Masterlist

               Sleep swiftly overwhelmed us. I awoke to Bucky’s alarm no more than an hour later and groaned, looking at the time. It was seven thirty in the morning and I had to be to work in an hour. I sighed as I stretched, avoiding Bucky’s flailing limbs as he tried to shut the alarm off.

               “Ugh…” He groaned.

               “Yeah…” I answered.

               “How about that shower?”

               “Yes, please. Caffeine, too?”

               He smiled, “I’ll put on a pot of coffee before I join you,” Bucky leaned over and kissed my forehead. My heart picked up its pace at the contact and I returned his smile before getting up and stretching.

               Bucky walked around the bed and wrapped his firm arms about my waist, both of us still completely nude. I leaned my head back onto his shoulder as he kissed my neck. I hummed in bliss, despite the exhaustion. I don’t know how or when things changed between us, I mean other than physically…that part was quite obvious. Somehow between then and now things had metamorphosed from a friendship of the closest kind, to a bond so much stronger.

               “We have to actually get ready,” Bucky broke my train of thought as he separated himself from me and found a pair of sweats to slip on. They hung ridiculously low on his hips, revealing his chiseled v-line leading to the most glorious… “See something you like, doll?” Bucky laughed, catching me staring.

               “Maybe,” I winked as I slid passed him, smacking his ass on the way, “See you in the shower.”

               “Tease,” He hollered after me before going to start brewing the caffeine.

               The morning passed swiftly despite my zombie-like stage. I had drunk my fair share of coffee throughout the day and my shift at the magazine publishing company I worked for. I definitely was not at my best, but hopefully I could make up for it by coming in a bit early the next few days. All I could think about, other than sleeping a beautiful hibernation-like sleep, was Bucky. His stormy blue eyes, his sharp jawline, the scruff that adorned his face and chest…trailing down to a much more sinful place.

               I rushed home once my shift was over, having ordered in for lunch and working through the hour I was ready for a break. I pulled my wavy hair into a messy bun as I entered my flat, kicking off my shoes as I did so. I checked my phone for the first time since I left Bucky’s and laughed as I saw that I had at least twenty text messages waiting for me.

               Hey, I hope youre doing ok at work. I dont know about you but Im tired AF.

               Hey, you should answer me

               Srsly don’t leave me hangin

               (y/n/n)?

               Ugh youre prob bzy im sorry

               Ok txt me when ur off work :-*

               I smiled, reading through the missed texts from Bucky. I moved on to the next few, a couple from Wanda and a few from Nat, one from Pietro that just said to text him and then far too many from Steve.

               Im sorry I stole your car

               Dont be mad

               (y/n) it was for your own good

               (y/n)?

               I laughed as I read the text mirroring Bucky’s I had read earlier.

               Ok … im hoping your busy and not pissed

               Should I bring your car back tonight?

               (y/n) text me back- you at least check your phone when you take a break right?

               FINE ignore me but text when you get home

               Still laughing, I texted Bucky, Steve, and Pietro that I was home and could talk but that I wasn’t completely coherent, due to the tired state of mind I currently existed in, and that I could not be held responsible for anything I said and/or did. I texted Nat and Wanda both, letting them know I had made it to work and home safely and that I was fine, I had just worked through lunch and couldn’t text sooner.

               I sat my phone down, forgetting it was still set to silent, and trudged to the kitchen. I needed sustenance asap. I rummaged through the cabinets, finding my kitchen seriously lacking. I poured a bowl of cereal and made my way to the couch. I turned on some Netflix and chowed down on my cereal as I perused the selection of tv shows available. I settled on the same one I had watched with Pietro and Wanda, about the women in prison. They had gotten me hooked, even though I had started late into the season.

               The episode was over before I knew it, my bowl of cereal long-since finished and discarded, forgotten, on the side-table. I sat in a daze, staring at my tv, not thinking much of anything when my apartment door burst open, startling me. I jumped in my seat, my hand flying to my chest as my heart nearly beat out of my chest.

               “What the hell are you doing?” Steve was furious.

               “Uh—”

               “Uh?! That’s it? That’s all you’ve got?”

               “Well, I—”

               “I don’t want excuses, (y/n). I’ve been texting you all fucking day, and you barely answer me once before going back to ignoring me?”

               “Holy hell, Steve, can you calm your tits?” I half-shouted, trying to get his attention, “I don’t know where the damn fire is but you can relax. I’m sorry I have only had, like, one hour of sleep in the last forty-eight or something, maybe more, who the eff knows. I’m not really completely conscious ok?”

               “So you can’t text me back?”

               “I didn’t know you texted me!”

               “How did you not know??”

               “Um, I don’t know, I don’t read minds?”

               “That’s why this nifty little thing called a ringtone was invented, (y/n/n)!”

               “Uh-uh, you do not get to come in here and rip me a new one and then call me that,” I threw my pillow at his face before standing to take my empty bowl to the sink.

               “I was worried,” no longer shouting, he sounded genuinely concerned, and moreover- tired.

               “About what, exactly? Did you think I would just vanish?”

               “It wouldn’t be the first time!” though not shouting, his voice was exasperated.

               “Excuse me?” I crossed the room to where he stood, “When have I ever just disappeared?”

               “Um, the other night, when you drove to the lake alone in the middle of the night in the middle of a snowstorm without telling a single soul.”

               “Well, luckily for me, my two best friends are also, apparently, creepers that stalk me.”

               “Well, not luckily for us, we have to work our asses off to do that.”

               “Then stop! No one asked you to!”

               “(y/n)! We’re worried about you! What else do you expect us to do?” Steve’s hands flew up in the air, as though he was at a loss.

               “Understand I’m an adult that can take care of myself, Steve!” My arms mimicked his as they gestured wildly.

               “What, like Eric did?” Steve’s voice broke.

               I fell into silence, my mouth falling open. I took a step back, tears welling in my eyes at his implications. My jaw worked as I tried to form words but nothing came out, instead I took another step backward.

               “(y/n), no, I-“ Steve was wordless as he reached out to me, trying to step toward me.

               “Get out,” my voice was quiet, my eyes looking anywhere but at Steve.

               “Please, I didn’t mean to- “

               “Get. Out. Now.”

               Steve fumbled as he ran his hand over his face.

               “Now.”

               Steve put my car keys on the counter and silently began to walk away. He paused before shutting my apartment door to peer back at me. I looked at him then and saw that tears were pooling in his eyes, as well. I wrapped my arms about my torso and clung to myself as I looked away, stifling a sob.

               Steve shut the door behind him and I broke down, falling to my knees

 Part 17   |   Masterlist

@marvelandwinchesters927

[storiezfordayz]

You told me to stay

***A/N: OH MY GOD MY FEELINGS. I had originally wanted to post a different story but this one blind sided me. Literally came out of nowhere and I had to write it since I didn't know when is have enough motivation to write again. I'm really sorry if it's kinda cliche but I dont care. I know I should have done some things differently and could have made it longer but, honestly, I just am happy I could write again. It's been really rough lately and I couldn't even try to finish a story I wrote months ago. Me being the dumbass I am, I kept making new stories but never finishing them. I felt bad I wasn't posting anything for so long even though my goal was to post something every week. **Sigh** I hope this makes you feel things too. I had such an interesting time writing it and reading it over, I kinda just didn't expect THAT. Also, it's 2:39 am and I hate being this awake at ass o'clock. Sorry if this note is long. My brain doesn't work too well late at night. If you like it, feel free to share or reblog but please credit me as the author. Peace out my dudes!! ~~~~~~~~~~ He wrapped a scarf around his neck. It kept him warm for his walk into town. It's been years since he last saw your face and he'd be damned if he didn't see you before it was time to go back to the city. He smiled to himself when he went past the middle school. It was there that you had first met each other and there that you two became friends. Well, first it was enemies since the reason you had come up to him was give him a piece of your mind. He smirked at the memory; of how haughty you had been just because he had taken first place in the nation wide exam. You had come second and couldn't understand how exactly you weren't in first. Sighing, he looked ahead of him and saw the old couple that owned the cafe you two had loved and eventually worked at. The couple gave him a stern talking to about not visiting enough. And after many promises to come back soon, he left with a small smile and warm cup of hot cocoa the old couple forced upon him, refusing money as compensation. He cut through the back streets to get to a shop on the way to you to get a gift you would surely blush about. The smile turned into a grin once he was met with a friend from highschool. The two had been in touch and kept each other updated on their day to day lives. He wasnt the least bit surprised that his friend had opened up a flower shop; it was just so very him. A bro hug here and there later, he had a bouquet of your favourite flowers, fairy roses. His smile never wavered the least bit when he finally arrived where you were. "It's been so long, hasn't it? Nothing in this has changed much, except the new apartment complex near the library. That could have been useful when we were kids, right?" His voice steady at first, began to soften and become a whisper by the end. He sat down in front of you, placing the flowers next to him. "Ah, but I'm glad about that. I wouldn't want this town to change. It wouldn't be the same." Sniffling, he picked up the flowers once more and gave them to you, "Here. I know how much you loved these and I just wanted to show you that I can still remember the little stuff. Now you have no excuse to nag me for forgetting things." Tears slipped out of his eyes. Seconds later, he couldn't hold back anymore. Sobbing fully into the scarf, he cried and cried until no more tears were left. When he felt the cold seep in to him under all the layers, he stood up. Placing a hand on your headstone, he gave one last goodbye and left you. Not forever of course, just until next year when it was time to relive the memories of your life. His silhouette disappeared out of view and you sat their where he had sat. You couldn't cry. It was much too painful for that. Being a ghost, you couldn't say anything to him. Couldn't tell him that it was okay to stop torturing himself. You knew it wasn't his fault you'd died. He told you to stay on the bench and wait for your surprise. But being the rebellious person you were, you had waited for him to get across the street and then sprinted to him. Neither of you saw the car coming. Neither of you knew that you'd die from the collision. He had screamed in horror when you just laid there twitching. You had felt yourself leaving your body when he said the last words you'd been alive to hear. "I told you to stay. Please, stay." So now, you had made sure to stay. Stay as long as you could until he could join you. Then you could show him how good you could be. You're thoughts wandered off, and the last thing you remember having a coherent thought was, "You told me to stay."