#Quilt Scholarship

[palustrine]

Highkey about to do a paper pieced quilt but with crochet bc i am insane

[coffe-book-club]

⋆˚࿔big bad wolf 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

info: boyfriend tom kaulitz x girlfriend fem! reader

summary: tom shows up on a date with his girlfriend more than an hour and a half after the scheduled time to find an unknown girl on her knees in front of him.

disclaimers: a little bit of angst and fluff, lies, betrayal, gangster!tom.

with this one shot i'm absolutely not saying that tom kaulitz is a bad person, this is all a fruit of my imagination.

they were five years apart, y/n was in her fourth year of high school. while her boyfriend tom had dropped out of school at sixteen and taken up street life. the boy, in addition to having a bad relationship with his parents, had been placed under house arrest a few years earlier for drug dealing and for having robbed a minimarket.

y/n was the complete opposite of tom, she had a rather restless life and got along very well with her parents, she did very well at school and was even offered a scholarship to an excellent university. on a hot july afternoon, after y/n had done her daily summer homework, she decided to call tom on the phone, but the boy seemed very annoyed. the boy's tone of voice was no higher than a low, hoarse and slightly aggressive whisper.

“hi bubi, how are you?” the young girl was sitting on the edge of her comfortable bed with the white quilt, her legs crossed and her tone of voice sweet. sweet like a freshly baked apple pie with brown sugar and cinnamon on top.

a sigh left her boyfriends lips as he had heard her sweet tone of voice. as much as he liked hearing her innocent, sweet voice. it also drove him mad. he hated that she was so damn innocent, hated that she had good parents that treated her so warmly. hated that she never had to worry about anything, but most of all. he hated how much he loved her.

“m'ok” he mumbled back, sighing once more as he closed his eyes. leaning back against the couch he was on. she knew her boyfriend well enough to say for sure that everything wasn't okay, he wasn't okay at that moment.

tom was standing near the entrance door of the small apartment he shared with three other friends of his, that apartment for four twenty-year-old boys was far too small, but they couldn't afford anything else. the green plastic landline phone near his right ear, was encased in his firm grip of his right hand. he was wearing an old, slightly yellowed undershirt and a pair of faded jeans that were too big for him.

“uhm… do you want to talk about it?” she asked kindly, then lightly scratched her right knee with her left hand. her gaze fixed on an undefined point of his bedroom. he was silent for a moment. his eyes still closed as he let out another grumble as he heard her say those words. his grip on the phone in his hand tightening as his jaw slightly clenched. he felt irritated. irritated that she was being so caring and concerned for him. tom was used to not having anyone care for him, not used to having someone he can rely on.

“ain't nothin to talk about...” he mumbled back. his tone still low and somewhat grumpy, he clearly wasn't in a good mood.

as soon as her boyfriend tom replied in a negative way, the young girl's eyebrows furrowed slightly, consequently also curling her lips, covered by a light layer of lip balm. she really wanted to help her boyfriend, but if he said no it was no. he had always been very stubborn and never budged, when he made a decision it was that. “you know... i was thinking that this friday we could meet up, would you like that? near the park on the right they have opened a small pastry shop and this friday afternoon there will be the inauguration”

a scoff had left his lips at how she sounded like a kicked puppy whenever he didn't want to speak about something and he could practically see the pout on her lips. he hated how much she effected him, how much her feelings effected him. He hated that he could rarely tell her no.

“yeah, yeah. sure” he spoke as he brought his free hand up and ruffled his messy brown curls as his eyes roamed the messy apartment he lived in. his focus now on the kitchen that was visible to him. dirty dishes in the sink. a sweet giggle left y/n's lips, it had been two weeks since he last saw tom and he missed him very much. a broad smile was present on the young girl's lips, the small pout from earlier had completely vanished. “i heard they make great raspberry cakes, they're their specialty... i can't wait. i actually should have gone with my girl friends, but i wanted to go with you”

that stupid giggling of hers was enough to almost make him smile, but he kept it held in. he was too stubborn to just let his guard down simply because she was just so goddamn cute. he let out a small sigh as she talked about the raspberry cakes. they did sound very good. and he did miss her as well. he always hated admitting that though. “they better be damn good as you make them sound” he said as his hand slowly fiddled with the cord of the landline.

another sweet giggle left the young girl's lips, even though tom couldn't sell it she nodded anyway.

“of course they are!” her flip phone was pressed against her left ear, while she held it with her right hand. she lowered her gaze slightly to her bare legs, even though it was the height of summer the young girl's skin was still pale, she didn't tan easily. “i hope to meet my girl friends because i would like you to meet them”

he rolled his eyes with a slight scoff as she told him about wanting him to meet her girl friends. he didn't particularly care for them. to him they just seemed to be a bunch of mindless giggly bimbos. the very thought of them just pissed him off.

“why the hell would you want me to meet them?”

he spoke. trying to keep his tone from rising too much.

“because... we have been a couple for seven months now and i think it's right that you also meet my girl friends and then they are very calm girls” y/n had always been a very sincere girl, she didn't like to lie and always tended to tell the truth. her friends were really quiet, they didn't like being the center of attention and have all eyes on them.

yeah, he could definitely see her being the type to want her boyfriend to meet her girl friends. she was sickeningly sincere like that.

so damn sincere it hurt. he hated how he had to always be so careful not to hurt her feelings. always having to watch everything he said. it pissed him off, why couldn't she just be more like the other girls he knew. he let out a huff as he listened to her talk about how her friends were very calm and didn't like being center of attention. “so they're boring then”

“why am i boring?” y/n's question was more of a rhetorical question, she had more or less the same character as her friends. she preferred to spend the afternoons in the library reading a book or studying. flora loved baking cakes or biscuits, spending the afternoons watching gilmore girls. she didn't like going to discos or going to crowded places, just like her friends. y/n brought her left hand near the hem of her lilac dress, starting to play lightly with the hem of it.

of course she would ask why she was boring. so damn naive. he was starting to debate with himself as to why he even bothered anymore with her. why he was even dating her. he was the complete opposite of her. he loved crowded places, especially crowded bars where he could drink and pick up women before bringing them back to his place. he loved going out till late at night and just not having to worry about anything. something she didn't understand at all. he closed his eyes and clenched his jaw slightly, trying to control his annoyance.

"you like reading, you like baking and staying at home watching girly crap. you’d much rather spend your days in a library than anything else. you hate going to parties and your idea of a good time is tea parties and gossip sessions with girls. you're about as exciting as a pile of rocks” he spoke. trying to make his point as clear as possible. trying not to get too worked up and hurt her feelings.

a small smile formed on y/n's lips, she didn't take her gaze off the hem of her lilac dress as she continued to play with it. but y/n couldn't get mad because in a way her boyfriend was right, she much preferred spending quality time at home doing things she enjoyed, rather than going in the disco.

“we have different visions of entertainment...” tom let out a scoff as she spoke. different vision of entertainment. what a nice way to say that they were complete opposites. tom's idea of a fun night out was definitely not the same as her idea of a fun night out. “yeah. i'll say. your idea of a fun night out is probably tea with the old ladies at the knitting club” y/n giggled again at tom's words, then brought both of her legs close to her chest and rested her chin on top of her left knee, then wrapped both of her legs with her left arm and move her flip phone from her left ear to her right ear. “well... the key ring i made for you is knitted” tom let out an annoyed sigh as he rolled his eyes. there she goes going on about that stupid little key ring she had made for him. He only took it to appease her. and he only hung it up on his keys for the same reason. but of course he couldn’t tell her that. “yeah, yeah. i know it is. you won't let me forget about it or the fact that you put so much work making it”

“but that little mouse is so cute” y/n had put a lot of effort and love into making that little gray mouse, it had been the first gift she gave to tom and she was fond of it. tom could remember that day all too well. her giving him that damn mouse keychain. he can remember how happy she looked after she gave it to him. remembering how her eyes had lit up and how her rosy red lips had pulled up into a beautiful smile. a sight that tom hated how much he loved, how much it made his chest warm and his heart beat faster each time. “yeah... yeah it's cute or whatever” he mumbled as he tried to brush it off. trying not to show how much it effected him each time she brought it up.

he couldn’t help as he looked around the apartment once more seeing the dirty dishes piled up in the sink, the overflowing clothes hamper in the corner of the living area, the garbage that littered every surface and just how messy and unorganized everything was. “hey, listen i gotta go. gotta clean up this dump of an apartment before the guys get back” of course he didn’t have to clean, but he honestly just wanted off the phone and away from her before he said something he knew would upset her.

“oh... okay, but what time will we see you in front of the park on friday afternoon?” the young girl asked kindly, she would have really liked to continue the conversation a little longer, but if tom had to clean the kitchen y/n didn't want to take up any more of their time. he let out a long sigh as he pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers of his free hand. the thought of meeting up with her at that damn park irked him. but he had missed her and honestly wanted to see her as well, he just couldn't admit that to her. “around 3:30pm or 4:00pm” he spoke, then paused before speaking once more. “and wear those shorts i like” he said before hanging up the phone.

y/n had always been a very obedient girl since she was a child and when her boyfriend told her to wear those white shorts that he liked so much she didn't think twice, pairing them with a sage colored blouse and a pair of sandals of the same color color of the shorts. it was four o'clock sharp and the young girl was waiting patiently for him near the parking lot of the small local park with her arms folded, carefully observing the entire parking lot and anyone who entered. she really wanted to introduce him to her girl friends, she had told them so much about him.

tom was running slightly late. it was closer to 5:30pm when he finally showed up near the park. but he showed up nonetheless in his faded blue jeans and simple faded black t-shirt, a lit cigarette hanging from his lips as he approached her with a neutral almost irritated look on his face. he stopped just right in front of her, looking her up and down and letting out a scoff when his eyes looked down and saw those damn shorts.

“nice shorts” y/n was literally pouting, with her eyebrows furrowed and consequently her lips were also slightly curled. he had to wait for tom under the scorching mid-july sun for more than an hour, he wanted explanations from him. as soon as he heard tom's low and slightly hoarse voice he turned in his direction, he had to raise his head slightly to be able to look at his boyfriend's face.

“i waited for you for over an hour, what took you so long?”

seeing her pouting like that was enough to almost make him grin. but he would never tell her that. And of course she was upset with him for being late. as he always was whenever they had plans. he took a last drag of the cigarette, inhaling the smoke before taking the cigarette from his mouth and flicking it towards some nearby bushes. “was at tony’s place and lost track of time”

he said with a shrug of his shoulders as he shoved his hands into the pant pockets of his jeans.

“you always use this excuse...” y/n's tone of voice was no higher than a soft, slightly annoyed whisper, she looked away again from tom's face following with it the cigarette butt that her boyfriend had thrown towards a pile of dry bushes.

tom rolled his eyes at her words. of course she would mention he was aways using that same excuse. and she wasn’t wrong, he did always use that excuse. but it wasn’t as if he was going to tell her the real reason he was late. that he had spent the better part of that hour in a bathroom stall of a bar with a random woman on her knees in front of him before he decided to ditch her to come to the park. he let out a low scoff as he looked down at her. “yeah, well... it’s true.”

hii 🪽 how are you?

many new one shots will be released soon and above all the second part of ◠ don't cry ⊹﹒ will also be released and it will be a nice understanding with a lot more smut 🌝 but for now i won't tell you anything... i'm very happy because this morning i managed to do a good half hour of pilates, i also did meditation and purified my crystals too 👏🏻✨ these days i'm literally obsessed with ‘what's in my bag’ videos on tiktok and nothing. xoxo flo.

[sempersirens]

a bird in your teeth, I

masterlist

summary: since moving into the neighborhood a couple of years ago, you've become close with the miller family. as a young woman living alone joel is protective of you, and he intends to show you how much so

pairing: joel miller x f!reader

warnings: 18+, mdni, neighbour!joel, age gap: reader is early-mid 20s, joel early 30s. no break-out. no smut (yet)

word count: ~1k

"Okay, missy. Bedtime!" Slapping your knees, you rise from your armchair to eject the copy of Notting Hill from the Millers' VCR.

You check your watch and curse softly under your breath. 10:06 pm. Joel should be pulling into the driveway any minute.

"Are there really guys like Hugh Grant back in England?" Sarah asks, tossing her quilt over her shoulder and bundling the pillows under her arm.

"If there are, I could never find them."

"That why you moved all the way across the ocean?"

You turned to Sarah, clutching your chest in mock outrage.

"Maybe. I liked the idea of finding a cowboy. Like Clint Eastwood!" You giggled and clapped your hands together. "Anyway, get upstairs before your old man gets home and initiates a Mexican standoff because I let you stay up past nine on a school night."

Smoothing down Sarah's hair, you place a quick kiss on the top of her head before scurrying her up the stairs.

"Goodnight!" She shouted over her shoulder before her bedroom door closed behind her.

Sarah was definitely old enough to look after herself on evenings like these, but since you moved into the neighborhood a few years ago it became routine to watch the teenager whenever her dad was going to be home late. Neither of you minded, you had bonded like sisters over your time spent together, despite your ten year age gap. You got the impression that Joel liked knowing you were both under one roof while he was away.

Ain't no need f'a young woman to be alone too long he would say, always eliciting an eye roll from both you and Sarah.

Living alone wasn't something that bored or intimidated you. On the contrary; independence excited you. The thrill hadn't subsided in the slightest. Texas had been more than welcoming to you since you decided to leave North London for a new life. As soon as you received the scholarship letter to undertake a Ph.D. at UT Austin, your bags were packed and you hailed a cab to Heathrow Airport.

You had, however, been immediately put at ease when you pulled up to your new home and caught a glimpse of Joel and Sarah walking to the truck in their driveway, lost in conversation, wide-eyed and giddy on an inside joke. You watched over time as the two spent their days in a blissful world of their own making, soaking up each other's company as naturally as the sun burns into the tops of your shoulders on a hot afternoon.

It had been an exceptionally warm Friday evening when Joel first knocked on your front door.

"Evening, ma'am." He had spoken, tipping his head slightly with his hands tucked loosely in his jeans pockets. Your palms had instantly turned clammy, internally praying that he didn't reach a hand forward to introduce himself.

"Hey. What can I do for you?" You had just about managed a reply between mediating your quickened breathing and trying to actually speak words rather than babble.

The rest of the encounter felt like it had flown by. Joel had invited you to a barbecue, too many burgers for jus' two people, he had reasoned. No such thing, you'd replied. Like you had needed any incentive to accept his invitation. You spent the evening with your ankles dipped in their paddling pool, belly laughing and wiping ketchup from the corners of your mouth. You'd be lying if you said your stomach didn't flutter every time Joel directed a question or comment solely toward you, or that your breath didn't hitch when you accidentally brushed fingers passing him the bottle opener. But that had been then, and you promised yourself you wouldn't get so Pride and Prejudice about a man you had just met. A single father, no less. As time passed, you spent most weekends together along with Joel's brother Tommy. Barbecues, family get-togethers, birthday parties; you were invited to them all. Weekends bled into weeknights, and you became an extension of their little family, let into their secret language of exchanged glances and inside jokes.

Lines were never crossed between you and Joel, but that knot in your stomach never seemed to fade either. You knew it was just an unreciprocated crush; misplaced gratitude for all the kindness he had shown you. Southern hospitality and charm had that effect.

Pulling you from your thoughts, Joel's truck headlights illuminated the living room. You quickly cleared the bowls of popcorn and bags of M&Ms from the coffee table before heading into the kitchen to refill your glass of water.

Joel's keys turned in the door and you heard his shoes wiping on the doormat. He called your name softly.

"In here." You responded in just above a whisper.

He walked in wearing a smart button-up, the top two undone, rubbing a hand over his stubble.

"Pint?"

"If you'd be so kind, darlin'." Joel sighed, pulling out a stool before tapping the one next to him for you to perch on.

"Date not go so well?"

"Do they ever?" He laughed as you handed him a cold bottle of beer. "Not having one f'yourself?"

"They won't if you keep expecting them to be a disaster. None for me, I need to head out soon. Meeting some friends for a few at a bar in the city."

"They're all fine women. Just got nothin' in common. S'probably me."

It made you feel dirty when Joel came back tipsy. With his guard down and inhibitions numbed, he was so open. It felt like you were taking advantage of him. You had to fight everything inside of you to argue with his self-deprecation. Of course it wasn't him. He was the perfect man. You tried to not show too much pleasure at his string of failed first dates.

"Should've told me y'had plans, sugar. I would've come back earlier so you could get goin'."

You waved his statement away. "It's no problem, the less time I'm there the better. I should probably head off, though." Before you could move to grab your keys, Joel's hand hovered over yours resting on the table.

"Thank you, by the way. I doubt I say it enough." Eye contact with Joel always stirred something inside of you. Those damn brown eyes. You smiled at him, softly.

"You don't need to thank me, Joel. I like spending time with Sarah. You know that."

He shook his head slightly. "S'not just that. I mean for everythin'. If you ever need me, you call. You know that, right? Hate thinkin' 'bout you in that house all alone."

It's not the first time he had said something of the sort. You always assumed it was the over-protective father inside of him, bursting out at the seams. Or maybe his Southern chivalry finding its feet after a couple of beers.

"Thank you, Joel. I appreciate it." You turned your hand in his and squeezed once before making your way to the door. You felt his eyes on you as you walked. You always felt his eyes on you. Sometimes you would be changing in front of your window and be sure you could feel Joel's gaze from across the street burning into you. But whenever you turned around, he was never there.

"I'm sorry your date didn't go well." You said, lingering in the doorway.

Joel scrunched his nose slightly and shook his head.

"I'm not."

a/n: hi guys! this is my first fic uploaded to tumblr lol kind of nervy but hope you guys enjoy. i plan on writing a couple more parts to this! message me for taglist for part two!

dee x

[squiddy-god]

his ugly orange hair

This is a vent fix I wrote so please keep that in mind lol

CW : young! Konig (just joined the military) roommate reader, civilian reader, trans man reader, ftm reader, bad breakup, hurt comfort, panic attack,

1.4k

They had left. You had tried, Lord knows you tried. Again and again tears rolled down your face, cheeks red and eyes darkening with the slow flood of stains that painted you like glass after rain. Your chest heaved with the great weight of your lungs and the world, again… again… again again again Again Again AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN OVER AND OVER. until you choked on your breath and tongue, tears stinging until you gaged and sputtered. Left a hopeless sobbing puking mess on your bed. The bed was cold, soft quilted sheets like a prison. 

Several days were spent in a spiral of thoughts and flurries of emotions. You hadn't told your mom yet, didn't think you could bear to, but the long dragging scrape of your eyelids forced you to blink back tears. It had been a day and in cliche of a cliches you rifled the cabinets of your two bedroom apartment. Yours- you laughed, you had shared it with your roommate for 2 years now. A tall young man about 19 like you. Unlike your study abroad program that had accepted you on a small but feasible scholarship, he was a military man partnered with a pmc. Really it was his apartment. Over the years you grew close as friends when he was home for the time between deployments. You didn't even think in your delirium and haze that today was the day he'd get home. 

The sound of rustling cardboard and the gentle noises of bathroom products sliding against the shelfs of the small closet filled your ears. Half empty jar of manic panic sat temptingly in the back, behind body butters and discarded Colognes. Not what you where looking for. Finally you found it. Reaching in you grabbed a reflective box, iron brand permanent box dye. Better then splat red, you thought to yourself as you cut the box with your kitchen scissors. 

Looking down at your hands you felt the bile rise up in your chest, the burning in your eyes as you blinked back tears. Your hair had gotten longer, shaggy and slightly unkempt in the recent weeks leading up to the cat and mouse game that was scheduling a haircut. It brushed uncomfortably against your neck and that gnawing feeling from your childhood returned. It was like your face morphed in the mirror, hideously soft, lashes too long, and you wanted to look away. Lose ,bright shirt, the sleeves and neck cut off and the thing ruined by stains of black and red and blue. The dye shirt, a staple and testament to your love of this particular activity. 9pm bad decisions. Your chest is devoid of its usual bindings and it eats at you a little until you find yourself rifling to find a hair tie. 

Snip snip snip, clips of uneven hair fall until you are happy with the slightly uneven results and scraggly look it gives. It makes you smile.

First wash, then dry before you once again clumsily drag out a mixing bowl and brush fully determined to make this a masterpiece. But as you slipped on your blue gloves, once a pretty flower design now covered in blue and black from the last incident, you couldn't help but give into that child.the urge to dip your hands into the goopy mix. In goes the bleach, followed by a sloppy measure of vol. 20 developer. 

And the goop called your name- brush discarded as a mixing tool alone you slathered the goopy mix into the strands of your short hair, realizing in panic as you didn't mix enough. Struggling with your nemesis the gloves you cursed under bated breath before managing to get one off so you could once again arduously unscrew the caps and re-mix in another sloppy bit of measuring. 

The counter of the small bathroom was a mess. Neither you nor Konig were particularly neat- a mouth watch in the corner and on the other side a clear blue cup with two toothbrushes inside it. Behind the rim of the white sink were two razors, one missing its guard from frequent use and the other beginning to rust because you forgot to dry it. Sprawling in the mess was a small vial of your testosterone, and also the gell. Closest to the door was a box of tampons and- only now- vol. 20 developer. Ibuprofen next to Tylenol and a children's cough syrup that was God knows how old. Vix vapor rub and a tooth paste. Messy. The hair in the center of your head gradually turned a light blond as your sides and back didn't take the same. Disgruntled you at least hoped for a cool effect. Your scalped itched and nose burned at that familiar comforting smell that was hair bleach. Bowl and brush discarded into Water and sink, you braved the cold frigid touch of the shower head to rinse your bleach soaked hair. 

Should you be going into this right after bleaching and drying? No. But hesitation seems foreign to you as you take out a second brush and bowl, mixing the copper orange until your concoction looks about right. 

You look like a highlighter and it brings out all of your joy. You stare and wait as time ticks by with your head slathered in that ghastly orange. “Heilige Scheiße, sehr orangefarbener kleiner Herr” his voice heavy with his accent and light laughter. He towered in the doorway, arms raised as his large fingertips hug on the top of the frame. He leaned down slightly to watch you and your bright orange hair. Your position didn't go unnoticed by him, sitting on the floor by the tub and showering with a bowl of orange remnants on the toilet. It also didn't go unnoticed by the glassy look in your eyes or the almost imperceptible darkness forming around your waterline from the tears. Your chopped up hair and of course the slightly patchy orange. “I'll help wash your hair, ja Süße?” You smiled and he stalked off the few paces to his room in order to strip his tactical gear away. When he returned he wore a black compression shirt and plaid red lounge pants- the ones you got him last Christmas- and his mask, a nasty habit he picked up from his time serving. He almost never takes it off, when he has it off the gnawing feeling returns. That paranoia and anxious scratching that just won't quit. He doesn't go out much either, preferring to stay home where his face can be on display without anxiety overcoming him in that snippy aggression that seized him. You knew being at home in the little apartment would take a few day before the mask slipped off again, yet to your surprise as he kneeled down he pulled it off. His naturally ginger hair had once again lost much of the length it usually held, although somewhat more lax and not buzzed, you missed the usual small man bun that would hold back his deep auburn hair. His face was aged beyond its years by suffering and work, sharp angles and elegant defined slopes covered with the light scruff of his facial hair that he probably had not had a chance to shave in a few weeks. His cleft lip pulled slightly on the shape of his lips but blended in for the most part with the silver scars littering his face. Next to his mouth and along his jaw, under his eye on his cheek bone, threw his right eyebrow and most concentrated in the area of his mother and lower jaw the pale scars decorated his skin now don't peppered all across him. You smiled seeing his face, interesting and handsome. The latter a thought you beat down with a stick. “Want to tell me why you've been crying huh?” He asked as if he already knew. You nodded and squeaked out a strained yes before leaning over the tub to rinse the dye. His large palm cradled the back of your head as the cold water rushed past your eyes in a stream of orange. Thick fingers pressing ever so gently into your tender scalp scrubbing the remains of orange goop and leaving only one the patchy hair behind. He rubbed the dampening towel  against your hair as you explained to him you ex and how you where now on the hunt for a partner. He chuckled, that deep rumbling sound that was a endless source of delight. “kleiner Schlingel- you don't have to look far” he said confidently, yet his piercing green eyes normally devoid of much feeling searched yours for a sliver of Reassurance. 

You delivered, leaning against his massive shoulder as your ugly orange hair soaks his shirt. But he didn't mind. He loved your ugly orange hair. 

1.4k words

[scriptorsapiens]

Classicstober Day 18: Phaedra (𐀙𐀂𐀉𐀨)

Phaedra was Ariadne's sister and married Theseus to become Queen of Athens (that must have been a WILD Christmas dinner). Things were good until Theseus' son by the Amazon queen dropped by for a visit. His name was Hippolytus (𐀂𐀢𐀬𐀵)…

Phaedra's story isn't quite as well known as many others in greek mythology, outside of a few tragedies and operas. The nature of the beast for most of these stories is that there are a couple of versions and no one can say which one is the 'real' one, but Phaedra's story, depending on the version you go by, can have wildly different vibes.

As I mentioned, she was Ariadne's sister. In some versions, when Ariadne helped Theseus defeat the Minotaur and escape, Phaedra was with her and part of Theseus' crew when he decided to abandon Ariadne on Naxos, eventually becoming his wife in Athens. In others, Phaedra is ignorant of the role Ariadne played in Theseus' victory and is instead sent to Athens to marry him for a political alliance. The implications of both versions are fascinating from a story-telling perspective. If Phaedra left with Theseus, just how complicit was she in leaving Ariadne behind? If their marriage was purely political, what did she think of the man who had just abandoned her sister? In the end, though, the important part (story wise) is that she marries Theseus and becomes Queen of Athens.

I depicted Phaedra here in her full queenly raiment. Yes, Athens was a purely Mycenaean settlement at this time, but the Mycenaean woman's fashion borrowed LOTS from the Minoan and considering where Phaedra was born she deserved a more Minoan look. That's why she has that quilted-looking over-garment on her dress. I made her palette green to represent her role as queen of Athens, and since Athena is the goddess of olive trees it made sense to me to lean into it. She is also blonde and amber-eyed to show her connection to Helios through her mother, Pasiphaë.

The architecture here is based on Minoan buildings. I imagine that inside the Cyclopean walls of Mycenaean Athens they could afford to make things more royal and less military-pragmatism. Athens is known for being a center of intellectualism in the ancient world (an image they painted themselves with), but even though this scene is set many centuries before the height of Classical Athens' power I decided to lean into that here too.

As for Hippolytus… the sources we have for the ancient Amazons are vanishingly rare. Most scholarship has focused on the Phrygians during the Classical Period, and I was able to find precious little reference for the Bronze Age Phrygians that might represent the historical Amazons. I did find one reconstructed garment, and even though it was very plain (and probably mean for a woman) I decided to put Hippolytus in it anyway. The Amazons were practical warriors, so I doubt that, as a child, Hippolytus would have had any other clothes than what his mother had. I also decided that he should be tall, taller than Theseus, as the Amazons were said to stand taller than normal men.

I could go into more details on the very disastrous story between Hippolytus, Phaedra, and Theseus, but I think it falls outside the purview of this piece. It is a fascinating, compelling story, though, so if you have made it this far into my ramble then I recommend checking it out.

[anyataylorsoy]

I would love to know five facts about a hellcheer art school AU 🥰

several days later

1) I think Eddie would probably be a traditional media artist, like illustration. He would be working on his own graphic novel. Chrissy would be more into textiles and she’d tell her mother that she was going to school for fashion, but really she’s making a giant quilt of her mental health journey for the school exhibition 💕

2) Eddie would be paying for school by doing various odd jobs including posing for the art classes, playing guitar in a church’s band on Sundays, and working in a retirement home cafeteria. Chrissy volunteers at the retirement home for her scholarship program and she waits until class to tell Eddie that she noticed him: “you look much better without the hairnet.”

3) Obviously, Corroded Coffin still exist in this universe, and they play in a seedy bar with an alleyway entrance on Tuesday nights. It’s popular amongst the college kids, though, because happy hour is $2 drafts. Eddie finally gets the nerve to invite Chrissy to come see them play. She unfortunately has a panic attack in throngs of drunks and goes home. Eddie shows up to her apartment after the show with his guitar: “I believe I promised you a song.” He doesn’t even get to the chorus before Chrissy is in his arms.

4) Chrissy’s mom finds out she isn’t doing fashion design and is “wasting her life” on an art degree and stops paying for the other half of Chrissy’s tuition. Eddie gets her a job as a barback at the bar. Eventually, the bartender teaches her how to make drinks during the slow times and she gets a promotion. She demands they give Corroded Coffin the prime Friday night spot.

5) They eventually find a converted warehouse apartment and move in together in their senior year. Chrissy’s completed quilt hangs on their wall and Eddie has stacks of his comic book on the coffee table waiting to be sent off to publishers. They’re hosting Wayne for thanksgiving, nothing is going right, but they’re on the third bottle of wine and having a grand time. Wayne’s brought Eddie his grandmother’s wedding ring and it’s burning a hole in Eddie’s pocket, but he’s waiting until Christmas. …or at least the Macy’s day parade.

send more AUs, maybe?

[octuscle]

im a skinny 18 year old nerd from nyc. i was skinny & about 5 foot 1 inches tall with an iq 160 who have to spend the summer on a farm in Kansas with my uncle & cousins who are twins the same age as me. my uncle drove me back to his farm when we got there i saw my cousins who look like normal corn fed Kansas farm boys both are at least 6 feet 3 inches tall in height and is broad-shouldered and muscular in build they both play football however they both have an iq of 160 , when they took off their shirts i saw they both have 6 pack abs , substantial pecs and arms. they told me all the guys our age in town even the nerds in this small Kansas town has a 6 pack, substantial pecs and arms& are also broad-shouldered cause even the nerds work on farms & have to join the football team so they could get into college. they took me to the spare bedroom told me soon i will be a corn fed Kansas farm boy like them then they inject me with something as they soon did i fell onto the spare bedroom's large oak-framed bed with a mattress smelling strongly of sweat and faintly of dirt, my plop onto it showed a plume of dust through the filtered mid-afternoon sunlight coming in through the only break in the sky-blue walls : a rickety old window with heavily dusty, half-closed shutters. If i hadn't been injected with something, i might have had second thoughts about sleeping in this bedroom for how stereotypically country it was. With my head cradled by the handmade quilts and pillowcases, i very quickly drifted off to sleep, my cousins took off my nerdy clothes& briefs & put a jockstrap & boxers on. my mind filled with stranger dreams than ever, things including trucks and beer to mud and boots. All the while, my body was losing a battle against invading testosterone which turned from my inferior nerdy DNA into my cousins 's better nerd jock hybrid DNA which means im no longer cousins with my cousins im now brothers with them we are now identical triplets . , which would result in a rude awakening in the morning. i woke up the next morning a changed MAN. Still reeling from the odd dreams, i stepped over to the mirror. And i screamed! my body had changed overnight from the injection i now look like a corn fed Kansas farm boy like my now brother threw open my closet, only to find that my nerdy outfits were gone. They were replaced with boot cut wrangler jeans, stained tee shirts, baseball caps, and musty cowboy boots! Ugh! And instead of underwear there were boxers and jock straps! After breakfast, we all went and worked out. Then we headed to work. i drove a tractor and plowed the field. After lunch we saddled up the horses and rode through the ranch. . After that we went to the football game, and i was the new linebacker. my & my brothers were both nerd & jocks & also farmboy with genius iqs all 3 of us got into Harvard on a football scholarship

Buddy, this is not a question in the strict sense of the word… Great story… But no question… What should I answer?

Whatever: the corn was good to ya. Ya're a freakin' muscle stud! 'n aah don't reckon harvard is fo-wah ya. Aah see ya more own the west coast. UCSB or Stanford… but that's your choice. Best wishes to your hot brothers 'n have a great day!

[mybeingthere]

MARY LEE BENDOLPH

(b. 1935, Boykin, AL)

Lives and works in Boykin, Alabama

"Bendolph hails from Gee’s Bend,

Alabama, and she inherited the piecework quilt-making techniques and visual styles that generations of Black women developed and passed down in that hamlet on a peninsula.

Bendolph and other Gee’s Bend quiltmakers’ mastery of abstraction in their work has catapulted what was once a homegrown practice to an internationally acclaimed art form recognized in scholarship, exhibitions, and documentaries. But more often than not, these artists are cast as a collective entity.

Bendolph’s practice, like those of the other Gee’s Bend quiltmakers, was shaped by intergenerational hardships brought on by the legacy of slavery, economic inequality, and intentional isolation on the part of white residents in the nearby community of Camden during the Jim Crow era. Quilts were once a necessary and precious household item that provided

sharecroppers warmth and were thus a means of self-reliance, a result of the community turning inward. But these conditions also facilitated a visual vocabulary and material culture specific to the region. https://nicellebeauchene.com/.../10/MLBendolph_Press-1.pdf

[raspberry-and-friends]

“There’s nothing more relaxing than curling up in bed with a good book.”

Name: Bookworm Glimmer

Nickname(s): Bookie, Dictionary (Loki)

Species: Unicorn

Gender: Cisgender male (he/him)

Sexuality: Homosexual

Age: 17

Parents: Headmare Starlight Glimmer (runs the School of Friendship while Princess Twilight is away) and Vice-Headmare Moondancer Glimmer (Starlight’s right-hoof pony)

Sibling(s): Charm Bracelet (older sister)

Partner: Prince Loki

Headcanons and disclaimers below the cut 👇👇

Personality: Studious, orderly, empathetic, patient (he went through over five different drafts of his first novel before it had even touched the editor’s office), and a mentor figure to all who need it (he’s currently working with Marmalade’s younger brother, Patchwork Quilt, on his anger issues).

Flaws: Forgetful, depressed (though refuses to get an official diagnosis out of denial), stands up for others more than himself, doesn’t understand sarcasm/humor very well (much to the dismay of Loki), and easily manipulated by putting his trust in the wrong ponies.

Special Talent: Writing stories

Cutie Mark Story: Bookworm wasn’t the most... talkative foal in school. He rarely spoke in class, isolated himself from others, and had no friends to lean on whatsoever. 

This was precisely why nopony suspected him to enter his story into the “Celestia’s Young Scholars” competition, a top-notch program designed to shed light onto some of Equestria’s finest blossoming writers. The day Bookworm received his letter of congratulations from Princess Celestia herself, none of his classmates could believe it.

His prize (along with a one-on-one meeting with the princess herself) was immediate enrollment into one of the most exclusive literature-based schools in Equestria. Sadly, however, agreeing to these terms meant leaving his family (and newly made friends) behind. Because of this, Bookworm confidently declined the invitation. Celestia, surprisingly enough, applauded his decision to remain at home with his peers and encouraged him to keep doing what he loved most. As if on queue, his cutie mark appeared!

Even without a the scholarship, the princess still, to this day, remains penpals with the young unicorn, eager to read his next work before it hits the shelves. This eventually resulted in him meeting his future significant other, Prince Loki.

Base by SelenaEde

***DISCLAIMER: In this AU, The princesses DIDN’T hand off their powers to Twilight, and still remain the primary rulers of Equestria during the course of this story. The illustrations and writing (the latter of which has since been revised to fix previously missed grammatical errors and to more closely align with my current headcanons) were done back in 2020-2021 and posted to my now-inactive DeviantArt account. The signature ‘Hun’ reflects the name I went by at the time, Hunter.***

[writing-relatedactivities]

I'm doing the Clarion Write-A-Thon! The write-a-thon helps raise money for the Clarion speculative fiction workshop, including scholarships for aspiring speculative fiction writers! Clarion was super important to me, not just on a craft level but also in finding the writing community that would support me through good times and bad.

This year, I'm considering taking a page from my friend Marie's book and doing a raffle for folks who donate or pledge, but I don't have Marie's mad knitting skills. So, poll time!

[sissytobitch10seconds]

Birdsong: Curses

Fandom: Grishaverse: Six of Crows and Shadow and Bone Summary: Alone, it can feel like an overwhelming burden to carry as much trauma as they do. Together, everything is a lot easier. Warnings: Mentions of sexual grooming, child abuse, and homophobia Word Count: 10,095 Ship(s): Nina Zenik/Inej Ghafa/Kaz Brekker/Matthias Helvar/Jesper Fahey/Wylan Van Eck

Archive link!

Inej liked nights, she did not like mornings.

It as an odd dichotomy in her life since she was often forced to rise with the sun so that she could get her workouts done in time and forced to retire early so that she could sleep enough to replenish her body. If she had her own way then she would have slept until about midday and stayed up well past midnight.

Unfortunately, her schedule was not and never would be her own. Even when she was a teenager she had been forced to sleep when she could while waking up every couple of hours to keep herself safe. She had stayed up late consistently while in college, but a single class missed might have resulted in her losing the tentative scholarship that she had won by a hair’s breadth. Now she worked with a company that required her to be up late on certain nights when they were performing evening shows and up early the next day for group practice.

She enjoyed her work well enough even if she hoped that she could eventually move on to something else. It was the easiest way for her to get her name out there in the hopes that she’d be able to find her brother. Losing him had been the second hardest thing in her life, met only by the loss of both of her parents at the same time. The hope of maybe being able to reunite with him was the only reason that she felt comfortable doing shows in all parts of the world, having to leave her partners for months at a time.

Her job also required her to rise very early that morning, which is why she was reminding herself that it was going to be beneficial to her one day. 

She had hidden herself away in her own room the night before since her boys had been up late talking with each other. She preferred the smaller space to the big room with their custom made bed that could fit maybe seven people if they all squished close together. It was more than roomy for the five of them and felt like it was swallowing her whole when she had to sleep in it by herself.

Her room in the Van Eck (now Hendrick’s) estate was styled just the way that she liked it. She had painted the walls a shade of dark blue that was leaning towards navy but not dark enough to make the space feel smaller. Her furniture (a loft bed with a desk, a chest of drawers, and two bookshelves) was painted white wood that helped them pop against the dark of the wood. She had also been allowed to paint the back of the door to her closet and into the hallway and had chosen to do so in the traditional styles that her parents had around her house when she was growing up. Her shelves were full of the books and knick knacks that she had picked up on her travels, though the scroll she had gotten in Japan was hung up in between them. The underside of her loft bed was decorated with soft fairy lights and the work that she had been doing for the few school classes that she was taking as she worked towards her dream job. Kaz had gotten her an indoor flowering plant that rested on top of her chest of drawers, brightening up the room even more. Her bed was a nest with four full-sized pillows, a duvet, and a quilt covering it. She also had a massive teddy bear that Matthias had bought her at the beginning of their relationship when Jesper insisted that they go to IKEA (despite Matthias being from Denmark, not Sweden).

Her partners had been adamant that she add bits of her culture into the rest of their home as a way to stay connected to the family that she had lost, but her room really was her haven. It had a functioning, locking door, which was something that she had never had when she was living with other people. She trusted her partners so deeply and passionately that she never really locked it even if she closed it on her bad days. 

Inej pulled herself out of her bed and awkwardly tucked everything back to where it should have been. The pillows had shifted and pushed through the bars of the bed, so they were stuffed back up properly at the head. She then tucked the quilt down around the loft mattress and folded the duvet so that it was prettily at the end. The bear was leaning against the wall and the pillows, waiting to cuddle her whenever Matthias wasn’t there. Every couple of weeks she forced him to sleep wrapped around it so that it smelled like him again.

She dropped down to the ground, not even bothering with the ladder. She had the ability to jump down from very high places without the use of anything to support her because of her job as an acrobat, so going down the ladder would only serve to slow her down.

She tugged her sleep shirt over her head and then deposited it into the clothes hamper so that she could do laundry when she got back. It was actually one of Kaz’s old undershirts that she had taken because it smelled like him and he had been at the Crow Club when she got home the night before. They had all been so busy recently that it felt like no one was ever in the same house with the ability to hang out at the same time. Of course, she had gotten soft moments with Wylan when they were making dinner and she and Jesper had spent Sunday night together, but it wasn’t the same as when they were all together.

She also desperately missed Nina. The other girl hadn’t been by the house in some time. Her band practice had picked up a lot as they prepared to record their full comeback album and prepared for the album tour that their new manager was sending them on. It just so happened that said practice and tour happened in all of the open moments that Inej had in her own schedule.

Inej tried to shake the sadness from her bones as she grabbed her workout bra from the drawer and then shoved it over her abdomen. She changed her panties and put on a pair of bike shorts for her run that day. She nudged the door open with her leg as she began to weave the top of her hair into a manageable braid. The ponytail had worked before she had gotten on a proper diet and her hair had nearly doubled in thickness. Now it had to be contained properly if she wanted to be able to do what her job required of her with a minimal amount of frustration involved.

She finished the last twist so that her hair was in a half braid and loose at the end, rolling the hair tie off of her wrist to make sure that it stayed where it was supposed to. She was going to come back up and grab her shoes, which were docked near the front door, after she finished getting her pre-workout protein shake.

The closer that she got to the kitchen, the more she could smell the rich, dark coffee that Matthias was so fond of. Despite it being almost six in the morning, far too early for even the other natural early riser to be awake, Matthias was standing in their massive kitchen.

“Hello,” she greeted with a soft smile as she walked past him and hopped up onto the counter. She had been on a mission, to get her water and protein shake so that she could go on her morning run, but the presence of her boyfriend pleasantly overruled that.

He made a noise at her that was somewhere between the Danish ‘hej’ and the English ‘hello’ while he focused on the pot of boiling water. Matthias had an intricate system for how he made coffee that was far more complicated than even Wylan’s dripping french press and Kaz’s expensive brand names. She didn’t know how he managed to do it every morning but it was always the best out of all the coffee that her partners offered her. 

She chuckled as she realized that he wasn’t as awake as he was pretending to be. He was standing close enough to her that he was able to reach over and drag him over to her. She wrapped her legs around his waist and then guided his head towards her so that his ear was resting above her heart. She let out a pleasant little hum as she wove her fingers through the fluffier part of his hair. 

“You’re so beautiful,” he mumbled sleepily. She could tell that he was stifling down a yawn.

“You’re very handsome too, dragul meu,” she purred as she kissed his temple. It was the only part of his head that she could reach from how she had positioned their bodies. “Why are you up this early?” she asked, tentative and a little bit nervous. Inej was sure that he could hear her heartbeat pick up a little bit. She knew that her partners would never snap and shout at her for asking questions unless they were actively in the throws of a panic attack, but years of exploitative managers and shitty foster parents had already done their work in scarring her.

“I wanted to go running with you,” he mumbled sleepily. He shifted so that his forehead and nose were rubbing against her collarbone and the upper part of her running bra. He rubbed his face back and forth there as he draped his arms around her hips. She giggled and squirmed away from him as she felt the scratchy morning shadow on his chin and neck rubbing up against his skin.

“Do you really?” she asked. Matthias was the only other one of her partners that actually enjoyed working out and the only reason that she did it was so that she could work easier. Despite the fact that he actually did enjoy exercise and it also helped him with his work, he never ran. He did cardio exercises other than running, because he hated how sweaty he got in front of so many other people when she dragged him around the neighborhood. She had only done it once or twice when it was clear that he really didn’t like it and wasn’t just complaining in the same teasing way that Jesper did.

He nodded, untucking his face from her body. He let another sleepy hum as he pressed his forehead instead into her neck. “I haven’t been able to spend very much time with you and I wanted to make sure that we could have some time this month,” he finally supplied.

Her heart melted in her chest when she heard that. She was about to go do some shows in another city, which would result in her being away from her partners for some time. Matthias was about to enter into his busiest time of year when he was constantly out building sets and getting Jesper to and from rehearsals.

She tilted his face up so that she was cupping both of his cheeks. “You are quite possibly the most romantic, most handsome, sleepiest catelus in this entire house,” she informed him. She leaned down and brushed their lips together in a soft kiss before she pulled away so he had time to reject it if he wasn’t up for kissing.

He responded by surging forward and capturing her in another adoring kiss, his hands tightening around her to press their bodies even closer together. Somehow, it wasn’t sexual. Matthias never made sexual advances towards her until she had given him explicit verbal permission to do so, which was part of the reason that she had fallen so deeply and aggressively in love with him in the first place. 

Matthias eventually separated from her and then got his mug out of the cupboard so that he could pour himself a cup of coffee. He doused it with cream and sugar, and then it was gone.

She could only assume that the ridiculous amount of creamer that he had added that time was to make it cool enough to drink. The rest of the coffee could sit for the time being, especially with how Matthias made it. He turned the burner off and then gave her another soft kiss. “I’m going to go and get ready. I will meet you for our run?”

Her heart melting again in her chest, she nodded. As soon as he had stepped out of the kitchen, Inej dislodged herself from the counter where she had been sitting. She got the water bottle that she always used when she was running and the protein shakes she drank in the morning from the fridge. She placed her hand over the cap out of habit, despite it not yet being open, and shook it to make the chalkiness of it a little more palatable.

She was wandering into the living room while drinking out of it when Matthias returned. Trassel had been removed from his crate and was very excited to be going out with two of his people instead of just released into the backyard. Matthias had changed into a baggy black tanktop with a pair of old basketball shorts from when he was in college.

“Do you think that it would be alright if I brought the speaker with us for music?” he asked, motioning with the aforementioned device in his hands.

Inej usually worked out in relative silence when she was going on her morning runs. She got tired of music fairly quickly, especially compared to her partners, so she liked to reserve it for when she was doing her personal workouts during her training. That way she could block out the annoying people that she worked with and focus instead entirely on her own body. She knew that Matthias was very fond of music and listened to it no matter what he was doing if he didn’t have the company of one of their partners.

“That would be fine,” she nodded in agreement. She finished her shake and then tossed it into the garbage that they had next to the couch in the living room. She got Trassel’s leash down from the door and attached it to his collar before she wrapped it securely around her hand. He was a very good dog and it was extremely unlikely that he was going to try and bolt away from them, but she knew that there were a couple of aggressive neighborhood dogs on their walk. The last thing that she wanted when she was already struggling so hard mentally was for her to lose the dog that she and her partners adored.

Matthias finished getting ready, which included grabbing a waterbottle of his own and attaching the speaker to his body. He connected it with Bluetooth and then looked at her with the sweetest, stupidest smile that she had ever seen. He was so bashful and shy when it came to any gestures he made towards one of them, even when they were deeply immersed with each other and the mood in the bedroom. “What playlist do you want?”

“Give me your phone,” she replied instead, holding the hand without the leash straight out in front of her. 

He did as he was told and forked over the device. He had already opened his Spotify, so she flicked through until she found the playlist that they had made together. The last time that she had listened to it was when she was about to go on her trip to Germany and missed all of her partners despite them still being around her.

Matthias grinned as R.E.M.’s Losing My Religion began to play through the speaker attached to his hip. It was the song that they both felt described them, that united them together in their religious trauma. He had been forced to leave his faith after he realized that everyone practicing it wanted him and his partners to die in eternal flames. Inej had to do her own introspection about how she practiced her spirituality and if her gods would really want her to live as she was when it was causing her so much pain.

“Would you give me another kiss?” she asked hopefully as she stepped closer to him.

“Of course. You only ever have to ask and I will give you whatever you want,” he replied. He placed one of his large, calloused hands on the side of her face and then leaned down so that their lips connected together again. She felt so satisfyingly full of love when he treated her with such care and grace. 

Inej loved Jesper and Kaz just as much as she did Matthias, but her relationship with them had been different than hers with him. Kaz had been unable to touch her longer than holding hands or leaning against each other during the beginning of their romance, when the therapy was fresh and new. Jesper was a wild spirit and treated her like she had gotten caught up in his gale, which was exhilarating. She adored being kissed within an inch of her life because he had an idea that he was excited about, or dancing around the kitchen because he had a song in his head and she was cooking dinner. But she cherished the care and patience that Matthias treated her to.

She was beginning to get the same thing from Nina as they both got more bold in their relationship with each other. They had only fully integrated the other woman into their polycule two months ago, but it felt like she had been there from the beginning. She and Inej had spent several nights talking to each other and giggling under Inej’s duvet before they began to work each other apart with careful kisses and touches. Nina’s hands were deliberate and her motions were confident, but she was still gentle. She and Matthias could work together to pull Inej apart at the seams and then put her back together like it was nothing.

They parted ways when Trassel barked at them, obviously upset that he had been promised a run and was not getting it. Matthias laughed as he pet his dog on the top of the head to soothe him, though it did little to make his excitement wain until they were actually on their route.

---

Inej led Matthias through the winding streets of the upper class neighborhood where they now lived. Wylan inheriting the house that he had grown up in left a lot of strange feelings within the polycule. It had felt like a sign for them all to move in together since the estate had more than enough room for them, but it was also contested if Wylan even wanted to keep the house. It was clear that him being left in that part of the will was an accident after everything that had happened with his learning disability and his coming out. Eventually they had decided that it would be a bigger ‘fuck you’ to Jan Van Eck’s memory for Wylan to use a the money that he had been spending on rent to instead change his last name to Hendricks and to move into the house that the homophobe had once owned. In Jesper’s own words: “What’s worse for someone that hates gay people and is vehemently against polyamory then for a bunch of queers dating each other to ruin his house?”

She was glad that they had moved in together because it gave her a home base, something she had never really had, and the time to spend with her partners when she could. If she and Matthias had wanted to run together before they had all moved, then she would have had to have a sleepover with him the night before. 

They could be spontaneous in their courtship and dates now, nothing had to be as elaborately planned out as it was before. They all had their own space but they shared a lot of it together, which was a kind of intimacy that Inej had never gotten to have with previous partners and was thriving in now.

The neighbors weren’t too fond of them and they certainly got a lot of harsh stares when they were being flirty with each other outside of the gates of their home. It had been both thrilling and terrifying when they got a call from the head of the Home Owners Association the first time, especially when Wylan got a hold of the phone and began to read him sections from the website that he had memorized. The people that they lived around had tried to get them to change their garden after Inej had planted her favorite types of flowers instead of the wilting daffodils in the front beds and when they had mini pride flags hanging up like bunting on the front gates of the fence during pride month.

Nothing that the HOA or neighbors could do legally would drive them from their home, not when they were already so settled in. It was going to be hard for them to find something that illegal that they could do to drive them out after the plethora of trauma that they had already survived. As long as they had working locks, a steady income for food and the mortgage, and each other, there was nothing that could be done to them that they couldn’t handle.

While she didn’t necessarily condone the types of things that Kaz and Jesper did to piss their neighbors off more, she had to admit that she liked messing with them as well. It would have been harder for her to justify why it was okay to do so if her mere existence didn’t seem to make them gasp and faint. The biggest way that she did it was just to go running when she knew that some of the other suburban moms were doing so as well. 

Bringing Matthias and Trassel with her was a rush. She had taken Trassel with her on the days that she thought she could take the breaks he would need to use the bathroom. Having a dog that looked so incredibly similar to a wolf was something that excited children and horrified and confused adults. Apparently Matthias had to speak to several animal control officers, to the point where they knew Trassel description to a fine point, when he brought the dog to parks because people were so convinced that he had an actual wolf for a pet. 

Tattoos and scars seemed to be the biggest thing that set the suburban middle class off about her physical appearance. Her darkened skin tone was something that was probably an underlying issue for them, and the same could also be said for Jesper, unfortunately, but it wasn’t what she heard them whispering about. 

Inej had a tattoo on her forearm that was very reminiscent of a peacock feather that she had gotten done when she was working under her first manager. She had been meaning to get it removed or covered up for some time since it had been done while she was essentially being hazed, but she just hadn’t found something to replace it. She had another, a crow with its wings spread, on her back so that the beak was pointing up towards the back of her neck. She had two scars on her forearms, on both sides, that had healed messily and left a big scar. They were a point of pride for her, signifying her survival. They scared away the HOA women who had only ever seen the acne scars they made their teenage daughters cover up with makeup.

Inej hated the women with a burning passion, knowing that they would scoff and shun her even more if they knew what she did for a living or anything from her past. They were the type to dismiss her trauma and say that she was lying for attention. If she had any kind of power, she would reach out to their children and give them the out that she had wished desperately to have. She didn’t, though, so she just made sure that they clutched their pearls extra tight when she ran past their house.

Matthias being with her today only made it worse. He had a tattoo of two crows in a diamond on his upper bicep, one that was still flaking because of just how new it was. He had another of a wolf on his forearm. The snapdragon that he had just gotten for her was peaking out on his shoulder whenever he moved a certain way while running. He looked, on the outside, like a nice Christian boys, since that was how he had been raised, so seeing the HOA women connect him to her and his tattoos would have her puffing up her chest in pride for days.

They had arrived back at the house a few minutes ago after a half hour long run. She had to slow her pace a little bit so Matthias could keep up, especially since they had to pause and clean up after the dog. “I do not know how you do that every day,” Matthias shook his head as he opened the front door for her.

“I like getting to have a little bit of time alone,” she explained with a half-shrug. She removed Trassel’s leash from his neck and let him sprint into the house to find the next victim that he was going to maul with all his puppy love. “You’re going to shower, right?”

“Yes. Do you want to join me?” he asked hopefully, not moving to touch her in case the advance was unwanted. 

She smiled softly at that. “I don’t think I’m up for that today, I have a whole routine that I’m going over with my company for the upcoming shows,” she sighed. She didn’t need more cardio or physical activity than her manager had given her. If she was about to go do a series of very intense shows, the last thing that she wanted was fatigue plaguing her the entire time.

“Just a rinse, then?” Matthias asked, dropping the sexual advances to instead focus on just being close to her.

“Alright,” she eventually conceded. She left her waterbottle beside his on the table as they wandered upstairs. Inej left him long enough to go to her room and find her work clothes. She chose a pair of comfortable yoga pants and a loose fitting tanktop. She got another sports level bra and a new pair of underthings as well, even if it would all be shed as soon as she had to get into costume for the dress rehearsal. 

The master bedroom had gone unused the day before as everyone had slept in their own bedrooms or bunked up with a single other partner, so they were able to pass through the space without waking anyone up. They left their clothing on the edge of the counter. Matthias turned on the water while Inej finished undoing the braid so that she could instead swirl it around her hand and attach it to the back of her head using an alligator clip.

“Is it going to be warm or cold?” she asked as she stuck her hand underneath the tap to test the water. They had installed heaters within the walls so they didn’t have to wait for the boiler to get the water hot before it could come through the faucet. 

Matthias laughed, “I did that once!”

“And we’re never going to let you live it down,” she replied snarkily as she stepped inside. The water was at the perfect temperature that she preferred, which was another small gesture he had done for her that morning that made her heart sing. It was hard to be in a relationship with so many people and remember all of the things that made them happy, so it was astounding that he had so many of them locked and ready to go.

He stepped into the shower after her and got under the spray from the other head. They both rinsed the sweat that was sticking to their bodies off and were out within five minutes. He handed her a towel, keeping his eyes above her collarbones so that he didn’t make her feel uncomfortable.

She was always aware of where people were looking at her and how, which was something that she was never going to unlearn. She wrapped the towel around her body as she moved over to the makeup island installed near the sinks. Kaz ventured into it every now and again when he was doing a special thing for their date nights, but she and Jesper were the only ones to use it regularly.

Matthias dutifully cleaned himself off and then left his towel on the hook where it belonged. Inej watched through the mirror as he put on a pair of boxers and then black overalls with a paint-covered white t-shirt underneath. “Are you working today?” she asked, focusing on drying herself off now that she had finished ogling the way that his muscles rippled when he moved a certain way.

“I am. Jesper and I are supposed to stop by the theater until at least lunch,” he nodded. He looked both adorable and dashingly handsome when he wore his working outfit. It made her want to call in sick so that she could sit in the rafters and watch him work, something that she had done before when her company was doing a promotional work with Jesper’s theater.

“I wish we could see more of each other,” she pouted. She had already slipped into her clothes and redone her hair so that it was back in the prim and proper bun she had to use for work.

“I do as well,” Matthias sighed. He looped his arm around her hips to bring her closer to him and then gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead to accentuate his point.

She melted into the touch for a moment before she had to peel away from him. She gathered up the things in the bathroom hamper and sent them down the laundry shoot before she went to her room and gathered the clothing that she had slept in. Matthias promised her a coffee as she walked down the hall and he went for the stairs.

The laundry room was connected to the mudroom, which was useful when she and Wylan had been outside gardening and didn’t want to carry their muddy clothes through the house. They had been working on getting a washer-dryer inside of the master bathroom but it was pricey and involve letting other people in their home, something they didn’t want to do yet. She set the little spinner next to it to her name as she started a load of her own clothing, separating Matthias’ so that it was tidily dumped into a basket.

When she ventured out into the kitchen, Wylan was standing in front of the stove with his headphones on. He was wielding his spatula like a sword as he poked at the eggs while they popped and fizzled within the oil he had used to lubricate the pan.

Inej laughed, folding her arms over her chest so that she could watch him properly. He was the second most competent resident when it came to cooking after her, though Nina excelled far more than they both did. Matthias and Kaz could both cook enough to keep themselves alive and Jesper was an excellent baker, but whenever he tried to make something for dinner it always came out lumpy and burnt.

Eventually she had her fill of watching and walked over to Wylan, wrapping her arms around his waist. She tucked her nose into his hair and breathed in deep so that she was blasted with the scent of vanilla and honey. He let out a surprised squeak and moved his head back and away from her, which succeeded in knocking his headphones off. “Oh, Inej!”

“Didn’t mean to startle you, love,” she replied as she kissed his temple. Their love was something different than with her other partners, something new and interesting that she cherished deeply. She felt the same level and intensity of love for him that she did for the four other people in her heart, but she had never once had the impulse to kiss his lips or be at all sexual with him. In a way, their love was very innocent and light but at the same time dark and intense. She wanted to wrap herself up in him until they were the same, until he was in her very being.

“You didn’t, I just thought that you were Kaz and I don’t think that he’s particularly down for touch today,” he supplied. “I was making you and Matthias breakfast! He said that you went running with him when he came to make more coffee so I figured that you could use some protein. We’re out of breakfast sausage and bacon, so the next best thing was eggs.”

“I was planning on having leftover salad, so this is very appreciated,” she said. She got out two mugs, setting them down on the counter. She dropped a bag of black tea and then stuffed some white tea leaves into the tea ball before dumping that into the mug as well. She filled up their kettle and set it to heat. 

Wylan turned off the audiobook that he had been listening to and then began to ask her about her morning. He listened to her intently despite doing something else that required a lot of attention. She enjoyed being able to share her joy about scaring people away after a lifetime of being scared, something he understood better than the others. 

She jumped off of the counter and filled both the coffee maker and the tea mugs with boiling water before she set the kitchen timer to the correct steeping time as she continued her story. Wylan plated their eggs and then popped two pieces of bread into the toaster. The timers went off at the same time and they both lapsed into silence as she focused on adding the correct amount of milk and sugar and he got the toast ready to be plated as well.

She took both of the mugs to the dining room where they had most of their meals. She placed one down in Kaz’s place, the one full of white tea that hadn’t been sugared in the slightest, and then placed the black tea next to Wylan. Matthias was already eating one of the breakfast bars that would give him the energy he needed for his day ahead at work, a steaming cup of coffee in front of him and one ready for her.

She sat down and happily ate her breakfast with two of her boys. Inej only broke out of the conversation that they were having when Jesper bounded up to the table and kissed them both dramatically. He was already dressed, wearing a pleated black skirt with a red dress shirt that was unbuttoned enough to reveal the tattoo that he had of his mother’s name on his collarbone. He moved like a tempest to the kitchen so that he could make himself his morning bowl of oatmeal and then plopped himself down on the other side of Wylan. 

Kaz was the last one to join them, but he was limping heavily and already dressed, which explained why it had taken him so long. Inej took a moment to assess what he was wearing since it would determine what he was doing for the day. He had a pair of nice jeans and a simple black t-shirt tucked into it with nothing over the top, which meant that he didn’t plan to be working during the day. That increased her chances of being able to see him before he had to open the Crow Club.

He sat down in front of his tea and sipped at it, holding the top to pick it up like he always did. He was silent despite the chatter coming from Jesper and Wylan as they discussed what they were planning on doing with their days. It was only when he had finished drinking his tea that he spoke up, “Inej, are you working today?”

“I am,” she replied. She wanted to reach out and take his ungloved hand, but she hadn’t had the chance to check the group chat to make sure that he would be okay with that.

“I would like to drive you to work,” he supplied. 

“Is your leg going to be able to handle driving today, baby?” Jesper asked, immediately pulled out of his conversation like he had some kind of boyfriend-distress sensor built into his hardware.

Kaz looked a little put out at being asked the question. They were still working with him to reassure him that he could tell them when he was having a bad day, that they wouldn’t judge him for his disability and pain, but it was going to take longer than the year that they had been doing it to unlearn years upon years of judgment and ableism. He shook off the thoughts, visibly, and said, “I think that I’ll be fine. If I’m not then I can simply tell Matthias to help me.”

“He’s right,” the other man nodded solemnly. There was very little in the entire world that he wouldn’t do for his partners, he was the most loyal man that Inej had ever met. That was part of the reason that she resented his family for casting him aside for something so small that he couldn’t control.

Kaz driving her to work might aggravate his injury just a bit, but it also meant that she would get to spend more time with him. If she had it her way, she would spend almost every waking minute wrapped up in her partners and some unconscious minutes too. Inej beamed as she finished her last bit of food and said, “I would love it if you could drive me to work. Just let me go get my lunch packed and then we can go.”

Next to her, Wylan’s head snapped up to look at her, “Oh, I packed your lunch. I already had to make one for myself so I just looked at the meal plan on the fridge and then made what you had scheduled for the day. I hope that’s okay.”

Another wave of warmth flooded through her, her heart nearly bursting with how much she loved the people around her. The only thing that would have made the morning better was if Nina had slept over and was there to cook waffles, like she apparently did every morning. “That’s more than fine,” Inej assured him. “Thank you very much for doing that for me, Wylan, I really appreciate it.”

“I love you,” he chirped in reply. He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, which she mirrored before she walked off to the kitchen to get her lunch. 

The morning had really begun at that point, all of them having finished their morning meal and moving onto the bigger part of their day. Wylan grabbed his own lunch and then kissed each of their boys before he got in his car to head out. Jesper and Matthias said goodbye to the remaining two and then left themselves so that they could go to their morning portion of work. Inej took her lunch from the fridge and then made sure that Trassel had enough food and water before she walked with Kaz to the car. 

While they were driving, he was mostly quiet and brooding as he always was, but he reached over and took her hand so that their fingers were woven together. She relished in the rare bit of skin-on-skin contact that she was getting in that moment. When they arrived at her work, she leaned over and gave him a chaste kiss before she picked up her lunch and bag and disappeared into the huge building.

---

Her day consisted of going between working with individual people and working out by herself. She did her morning warm up on her own without music since her coworkers were still trickling into the space. When she had finished, she changed into the outfit that she was going to be wearing during the performance and they all moved to the silks and hoops that they’d be using. 

The first couple of run throughs went about as well as they could have expected. Each person moved to their own favorite practice items when they were going over their own part of the performance. Usually she was paired with another dancer or two, but this time she was the focus and was going to be working mostly alone. 

Despite that fact, she had been getting interrupted all day. She didn’t mind it when it was some of the newer dancers that were asking her for help with their own routines, but she did mind when it was Arken coming to demand more things from her. She wished that he would just realize that she knew what she was doing and leave her alone. Heleen had done a lot of horrible things to her, but at least she had been treated like an adult when she was with that company.

She was winding down and doing the last workout of the day when she felt a final person tap her on her shoulder. She wrenched her headphones off and then whirled around, upset that she wasn’t going to get the same zen that she always did when she got to do her final yoga pose. “What?” Inej snapped, furious.

“If I knew that exercise was going to get you so feisty then I would have suggested we do it together sometime,” Nina replied, an easy smirk landing on her face. Inej could see the worry and panic that was resting in her girlfriend’s eyes as she wondered if she had done something wrong.

“Nina?” she asked, the anger melting away until it was replaced with sheer adoration and excitement. She lurched forward so that she had wrapped the other woman up in a hug and then peppered her face with kisses to rid her brow of the worry lines there. It worked a charm and she was met with that wonderful tinkling laugh that never failed to make her feel special. “What are you doing here? I thought that you had work,” she asked.

“I did, but I finished early. We got the whole album recorded,” she beamed. She leaned forward and pressed their lips together in an adoring kiss. Inej didn’t even care about how many of her coworkers were watching her in the private moment with her girlfriend as long as she got to savor it for herself.

“Really? That’s amazing!” Inej beamed.

“I was thinking that maybe we could go out and celebrate, if you’re up for it,” Nina suggested.

Another rush of endorphins flooded her mind and she nodded. “Just let me shower and then we can go, alright?”

“Okay,” the other woman nodded. “I’m going to wait outside for you, this place is a little intimidating.”

Inej laughed and detached fro the other woman. She gathered up her personal workout gear and returned everything she had been using back to where it belonged. She removed her clothes and got into the shower faster than she ever had before. Her after-work outfit was a comfortable ocean blue maxi skirt with a black tanktop tucked into them. She let her hair down so that it was loose, trailing against the back of her arms and falling over her shoulders to hide her collarbone. She didn’t bother to remove the makeup she had been dressed up in for the rehearsal since it was stuck on there with enough hairspray to kill a lesser woman.

She and Nina met up outside of the gym and walked hand in hand back to the car. “So why were you so upset in there?” Nina asked once they were in the privacy of the vehicle.

Inej finished sending her text to the group chat to let Kaz know that she was going to be out with Nina and wouldn’t need to be picked up. She felt her face flush when she saw that he immediately responded with a short ‘I know’ followed by a black heart. She stuffed her phone into the back of her bag as she finally answered her girlfriend, “My manager is a control freak that thinks I need to be talked down to like a child. I saw him do it to the other stars but for some reason I thought that he would just pass over me. I was clearly wrong, based on what he was doing today.”

She quickly shook the thoughts away and then reached out so that she could place a hand on Nina’s shoulder, “I promise that I wasn’t upset at you, I was very pleasantly surprised to see that you were the one interrupting me this time.”

“I was a little worried that you were going to be upset because you weren’t out to your company,” she replied, that self-conscious expression flickering over her face.

“I technically wasn’t. I believe they think I’m some sort of harlot since they see me with all of our boys. You’re the first girlfriend that I’ve had since I started working with them,” she explained. “I don’t care what they think of me, I barely even want to be there. I like being able to kiss you whenever I please.”

“I like that too,” Nina admitted shyly. When they pulled up to a red light, she darted over and gave Inej a sweet kiss on the lips just to seal her point.

The car started up again and Inej asked, “You said that you had finished recording your album?”

“Yes! We’re going to send the raw recordings off to someone who can mix them and fix any notes Alina and I messed up. If it turns out that we need to re-record something then it’s back to my little padded cell,” she sighed forlornly. “I did enjoy being able to do this. I had recorded things for Kirigan and by myself, but nothing I did with The Fold felt like it was really going to go anywhere and the things I did by myself were done in the back of my closet.”

“They were incredibly polished for doing that,” Inej laughed. She had listened to more of her girlfriend’s music than she had when she first got together, and some of her favorite songs from Nina were from her Heartrender era. She adored the things from Shadow and Bone as well, but it wasn’t really her flavor. Matthias and Wylan preferred the more classical sound while she and Jesper leaned towards classic pop.

“Thank you,” Nina preened under the compliment.

Inej loved hearing her girlfriend talk about her music. Her favorite part was the way that her eyes would shine as she talked about her favorite songs or something that she was particularly proud of. “What did you say that this album was, again?” she asked, trying to get more of that wondrous excitement from her girlfriend.

“We’re calling it Crooked Kingdom. Most of the songs on it are about Alina and I’s experience with Kirigan and The Fold. It’s going to be kind of controversial if that gets leaked,” she winced. “I don’t know how I feel about people finding out that I kind of helped her get ensnared by him, but he was doing the same thing to me. It’s going to be good for us to get those thoughts out of our minds, for sure.”

“Did Zoya and Nikolai not work for him?” Inej asked. She knew bits and pieces about what had happened to the other woman when she was signed with the first production company she had ever worked for and the trauma that she still carried with her about it. Alina was far worse for wear, to the point that she and Inej had just barely begun to form a friendship with each other despite having known each other for six months and them near constantly being around each other. Nina enjoyed dragging her partners with her whenever she could, and Inej liked to be dragged.

“No, they both escaped it. Nikolai’s parents had enough money that he was able to produce music with his own recording company. That’s what Mal took over,” she explained. “I went through him for a bit too, but it just wasn’t working out.”

They went quiet for a bit as they approached the place that Nina had picked out for their date. Inej got more and more excited the closer that she got to it. It was a hole-in-the-wall cafe that with rich red brick and green painted trim as the exterior. The inside was a warm honey color, decorated with pressed and fresh flowers. As soon as they stepped in they were greeted with a short line that led up to the cash register, but there was a booth with wall plugs to the right along with a myriad of tables. The cafe was relatively busy but not enough that either woman had to worry about getting overwhelmed.

The menu hanging above the register held a list of all the drinks that they made, where Inej immediately spotted her favorite chamomile tea blend. They had a massive spread of pastries as well, which made her smile warmly. She reached down and grabbed Nina’s hand as she asked, “Did you come here so that you could get sweets?”

“While you may be the sweetest thing in my life, I need to sate this sweet tooth of mine,” Nina replied, bringing their interlocked fingers up so that she could press a kiss to the back of Inej’s hand.

The other woman flushed and giggled as she leaned into the touch of her girlfriend. She had heard Wylan describe Nina as everything that she wasn’t, once, and she couldn’t help but agree. They fit into each other and filled out spaces that their partners and the other needed. It was wonderful to finally have the missing piece that she hadn’t realized was even needed finally slotted into her life.

They slowly moved up the line while deliberating about what they were going to get. When they got to the front, the cashier gave them a kind smile and asked, “Hi, what can I get you?”

“Can I get the chamomile tea and a cheese danish, please?” Inej asked. She didn’t usually have sweets but she was indulging herself because everything smelled so good that her lunch felt like a blip on the horizon that she was rapidly speeding away from.

He nodded and then logged those into the register before him before he pointed himself towards Nina. “Hot chocolate and a box,” she said. She gave him a second to write down the drink before she listed off what she wanted in it. She picked out a variety of donuts and a couple of croissants. Inej noticed that the last thing she tossed in was a cheese danish.

The cashier finished putting everything they wanted into the system and then read off the total. Nina was a second away from getting out her wallet when Inej stopped her. “I’ll pay for it, love. As thanks for surprising me.”

Nina looked at her with what could only be described as pure love and adoration. It mirrored the feeling that was already shining through Inej’s chest, so she could understand it fully. 

They paid and then moved to one of the tables towards the back. Nina ate one of the donuts from her box and sipped at her hot chocolate. Inej had finished her tea within the first fifteen minutes with a note to herself about buying the blend the next time she did the grocery store run. They talked about their days, their art, their partners, and a couple of stories from their childhoods until the day began to grow closer to evening.

---

Nina reluctantly brought Inej home, making sure that she spent extra long in the driveway while saying goodbye. As soon as Inej stepped into her home, she took in where each of her partners were to make sure they had all made it home safe.  Jesper and Wylan were singing badly to each other in the kitchen, Matthias was showering and Kaz was reading in the living room.

She placed her hand on the edge of the couch and leaned over so that she was hovering above him but not quite touching him yet. “That was very clever, what you did.”

“Nina and I thought so too,” he replied as he closed his book and pecked her on the lips. “I got to spend more time with you so it was also a win for me.”

She rolled her eyes affectionately and moved away from him. She went and scrubbed the makeup off of her face in the bathroom near her bedroom and changed into a set of comfortable clothes. By the time that she had finished, dinner was ready and she joined her partners in the dining room. They talked about their days, just as she had with Nina, and she desperately wished that she had the confidence to ask the aforementioned woman to move in with them. 

She and Jesper were about halfway through after-dinner cleanup when Matthias ran into the room, his phone open in his hand as he said, “Nina’s apartment flooded would it be okay if she came and stayed with us for a while?”

They glanced at each other and then back to Matthias. “Are you seriously asking us if we want to have our girlfriend in our house? The answer to that is always going to be yes,” Jesper laughed.

That was all it took for another whirlwind to happen. Matthias and Wylan drove over to her apartment to help her bring some of Nina’s things to their home while hers was fixed by her landlord. She was settled into one of the spare rooms that they hadn’t had the chance to renovate yet, which brought Inej thoughts and ideas of what it might be like when Nina finally moved in for real.

She allowed herself to daydream until she had to go focus on her schoolwork. The presence but lack of proximity of her girlfriend made it nearly impossible, so she packed up all of her things and brought them down to the living room where Nina was practicing. Jesper and Matthias had turned in early and Wylan had already disappeared off to his office to finish up some work. Kaz had to open the Crow Club and wouldn’t be back for another half hour at least.

“Do you mind if I study with you?” Inej asked, holding out her laptop and textbook to demonstrate what she meant.

“As long as you don’t think that I’m going to be too distracting, go ahead, sweetness,” Nina replied easily.

The two women made space for each other. Inej was positioned on the ground with her back against the sofa and all of her schoolwork splayed over the table. Nina was perched on the edge of the footstool with her guitar in her lap and a notebook full of lyrics next to her.

Inej melted into her work as she listened to her girlfriend hum notes and words. It had been about thirty minutes of them coexisting around each other before she heard Nina well and truly begin to sing. She kept up the facade of her studying while she listened intently to the beautiful notes and collaborative words coming form the other woman’s blessed lips.

“There's a fire in my brain, and I'm burning up. Oh my, oh my. Keep running for the sink, but the well is dry. Oh my, oh my. Every word I say is kindling, but the smoke clears when you're around. Won't you stay with me, my darling? When my walls start burning down, down, down, this house says my name like an elegy. Oh my, oh my. Echoing where my ghosts all used to be. Oh my, oh my. There's still cobwebs in the corners, and the backyard's full of bones. Won't you stay with me, my darling? When this house don't feel like home? When this house don't feel like home? Oh ashes, ashes, dust to dust. The devil's after both of us. Ooh, lay my curses out to rest, make a mercy out of me. This tired old machine is a-rumbling. Oh my, oh my. Singing songs to the secrets behind my eye. Oh my, oh my. All my aching bones are trembling and I may yet fall apart. Won't you stay with me, my darling? When the war starts in my heart? When the war starts in my heart? Oh ashes, ashes, dust to dust. The devil's after both of us. Ooh, lay my curses out to rest, make a mercy out of me. Oh ashes, ashes, dust to dust. Tell me I am good enough. Ooh, lay my curses out to rest, make a mercy out of,” she abruptly cut off the song.

Inej resisted the urge to clap. During some part of the song, she had turned so that she could watch Nina perform. She had come to a couple of Shadow and Bone’s shows before, so she knew what it looked like when her partner was up on stage, but the song that she was singing was so new and raw. Her face had scrunched when she sang a particularly insightful lyric, like her heart was pouring out through her mouth.

“What was that?” she asked, despite herself. She had to know, it was a burning need inside of her. Something in that song had reached out and touched her very soul.

“It was a song that I was writing for you,” Nina admitted. A blush formed over her cheekbones and highlighted her splattered of freckles. Inej climbed up onto the couch next to her and gave her a kiss on either cheek and then one on her nose. 

“It sounded lovely,” she murmured as she grabbed Nina’s free hand. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“There’s not much to talk about other than what’s already in the song,” she shrugged. “My entire life I’ve always felt like I was cursed. My adopted parents loved me but they got divorced when I was young, which was so messy since the adoption hadn’t even officially gone through. And then the whole business with Kirigan started after I had found my one and only friend. I got attacked by Ivan, my bandmates and I got in a fight right before I met Matthias, my apartment flooded. It feels like everything in my life is bad other than you, that you all make it so much better than it was before.”

She was quiet for a bit as she took in what her girlfriend had told her. She had to admit that she was familiar with that sentiment. Her life had been total Hell before she had gotten the support that she needed from Kaz and Jesper that allowed her to pull herself to a better place. Nina was going through that period in her life, and Inej vowed to make that process as smooth as she possibly could. “You’re not cursed, Nina,” she whispered. “You’ve just had a string of bad luck. But that ends with us, alright?”

Nina sniffled wetly and then wiped at her face. “Promise?”

Inej leaned forward and kissed away the tears marks. She was a hair’s breadth away from kissing the other woman on the lips as she murmured a soft, “I swear it.”

[flugame-mp3]

working in craft scholarship is really cool until you're reading a book to bolster your argument on craft as a form of community symbolism and a protest technique and you are stopped in your tracks moved to tears by a photograph in the book's section on the AIDS quilt. oh my god.

[spookbot]

walking around my apartment in my quilted jacket (bought from the collection of a textiles prof at my art college to raise funds for a scholarship in my favourite art history prof's memory) and leggings and moccasins makes me feel like PEAK Art Aunt and man being 30+ rules

[mvrrow]

;; EDEN SHEPHERD — AS TOLD.

[ laura harrier, cis woman, she/her ] - was that eden shepherd i saw by the lighthouse today? i heard that the thirty one year old who has been in nightrest for on and off throughout her life and works as the owner of ada's antiques has a reputation of being softhearted, but also evasive. they reside in ashmore & people in town usually associate them with collapsing beneath the sun; the rays of light dancing off your damp skin, wild honey with its tendency to stick to everything it touches, and handmade quilts sewn together by bittersweet nostalgia. let’s hope the killer doesn’t go after them next. [ james, 24, they/them, est, n/a ]

MENTIONS OF MEDICAL CONDITIONS (ASTHMA), CHILDHOOD ILLNESS, INFERTILITY, A BRIEF PANIC ATTACK, AND A BRIEF FAMILIAL DEATH BEYOND THIS POINT.

profile.

full name: eden beatrice shepherd.

birthday: september 4th, 1991.

astrology: virgo sun, cancer moon, sagittarius ascending.

sexuality: bisexual.

currently listening to: simulation swarm by big thief.

current mood: afraid 😱

current location: [[[cannot be found]]]

last tweet: ...im pretty sure i just found a box of vintage sex toys in the basement. thanks grandma! #scarred

PINTEREST.

history.

grows up in a tiny commune off asbury grove, surrounded by nothing but woods; it's her mother, her father, and their entire gaggle of children. eden's not the first, nor would she be the last.

it's a good community - holistic, and the kids are homeschooled - but it's a good community. tightknit, everyone helps everyone and nobody is left abandoned. eden spends her days learning about the life cycle of insects and birds, what it means to die; the lifespan of trees and the evils of deforestation.

MEDICAL CONDITION / CHILDHOOD ILLNESS; eden's first asthma attack is sudden and sharp; a breathlessness she's never felt before, a new fear fresh in her six year old body. the body remembers its trauma - and even now, she can still feel that ache from her first attack. it's a downwards, upwards, and all around sideways spiral after then - combined with a weak immune system, she's quick to sicken. pneumonia and bronchitis, as soon as the flowers bloom.

the commune is great, and it's her home - but they can't provide the help she needs, not anymore; her grandmother, ada, takes her in - only for summers at first, just so she can get the treatment she needs at the local hospital, still near family.

she falls in love with nightrest quickly - has never seen the beach before then, doesn't know the joys yet of crystal clear waters - can only admire how the ocean stretches beyond the horizon. she loves her grandmother too - she's her favorite, after all - and they spend almost all their time together, manning ada's antique shop. ada teaches eden to knit, to sew - how to put a nail through wood, the sweet taste of their fruits of labor. how to be independent, how to be reliable. how to live.

her childhood and teenhood is split between the commune and nightrest; split between two worlds, but after spending summer after summer in the small town - eden and her grandmother send in a scholarship application for wardwell. she's always excelled in school - their homeschooling regime surprisingly strict, more advanced than she would've been otherwise - but it's still a surprise when eden's actually accepted into the private institute.

her courses aren't as hard as she thought they'd be, much less a worry than the student population; whispers of her being the weird commune girl - the girl who walks the town barefoot, middle of the night - nightgown blowing against the wind. she's a witch, they whisper. schoolyard taunts making up for years of missed elementary teasing. eden never pays them much mind - head always held high, eyes always cast down upon those who look at her the wrong way.

the one thing eden finds, is that attention finds her. whether it's curious interest or purposeful distaste, or a deeper temptation - she entertains it, bathes in it; her reputation goes from witch to whore, and all she does is smile.

high school comes and goes, and so do all the rumors - their weight heavy on her shoulders towards the latter years; but university is different. after consoling her grandmother, then her parents, then half the commune - insisting her health is in perfect condition - eden packs up and heads to boston university.

she majors in bioengineering - it's an umbrella of all the things she cares about; healthcare, and agriculture - energy and sustainability. gets through all four years and half of her masters program before meeting the love of her life.

andrew dyers puts all her worries at ease with just the sound of his voice. his peace is hers; he's her voice of reason, when her thoughts scatter her. she puts her masters degree on pause, just to travel the world with him. leaves everything she's ever known, because all she wants is to be by his side. it's scary - eden's asthma's improved little by little throughout the years, and she doesn't get as sick nearly as often - but he's always stood by her. even during their fights - storming off in the middle of european cities, cold shoulders and silent treatments - he's never left her side.

when he proposes - it's the happiest eden's ever been. marriage was once a distant thought - and now she's trying on wedding dresses, tasting cakes - picking out her perfect venue, all the way in greece.

INFERTILITY; it's partially a routine visit, and partially eden preparing for their future together in advance - when she finds out the news. she can't have children - at least not of her own, not from her. not with drew. and her world collapses before her, her dreams and pinterest boards crumbling down.

she keeps the news from drew - doesn't want to confront it, doesn't want to think of it - she knows that he'd still love her, still want to be with her; but her mind's a jumble of thoughts - there's too much to plan, and the back of her mind starts voicing doubts.

PANIC ATTACK / ASTHMA; the day of the wedding is the culmination of her every doubt, her every fear - she has a panic attack for the first time in her life, triggers her asthma - is practically glued to her inhaler. everything is too much for her, the future suddenly so unclear - her worries finally shattering her. and she runs. she abandons her wedding - abandons drew - and gets on the nearest flight back to massachusetts.

her grandmother welcomes her back with open arms - listens to her, cries with her - and nightrest is where eden stays. it's coincidental, but ada's health's declining and it's the perfect time for eden to stay around the house, to care for her. it's also her excuse, in a way - as awful as it feels.

FAMILIAL DEATH; that was almost two years ago; with ada's recent passing, eden inherits not only her grandmother's antique business, but her house as well - a given, considering ada's business was out of her home.

suddenly a business & homeowner - eden's been busy managing ada's financial affairs, fixing her books - refurbishing and restoring her victorian home in all its glory. it's not the life eden had expected - or particularly wanted, at first. but she feels happier now, compared to when she first ran away.

traits.

ASTHMA; first thing's first she's an asthma girlie<3 has that inhaler ON HER at all times. her asthma attacks aren't that often or as bad anymore bt u never know. she's kind of scared of them #scarredforlife

rly kind n will go out of her way to help others whether it's with tasks or with advice or literally. anything. is the type to cook u chicken soup if u say u have a sneeze.

at the same time though she's pretty closed off when it comes to her own personal problems or Deep Feelings. a little repressed.

it's a mix of being overlooked by her parents as a middle kid, sometimes - to being fussed over too much, when she was sick. to being talked about in high school, and just plain being stubborn.

personable when it comes to others like she knows ur favorite color, ur big three zodiacs, and what u did last summer.

DIY queen she does everything herself because why spend money when u can do it urself. does not stop

her grandmother's house-slash-antique shop is like a very old victorian that her grandmother snagged right when the family moved to nightrest. it's her family home before her dad joined the commune w her mom so there's a lot of history there n it makes eden feel. comforted idk

the ground floor is pretty much just all antique shit. almost a hoarder's situation to the point where eden's been going through pieces and seeing what's even valuable / worth selling. the only semi-cleared space is the kitchen n bathroom but otherwise eden stays upstairs.

she has a doberman named daisy mae because when murders first started happening in the town eden said<3 absolutely not. n got herself a guard dog. she's trained her very well n she's very proud of it.

also a little bit emotional support bc eden is like. a bit all over the place. a little highstrung, at times, i'd say.

she hides it very well bc she makes lists and pinterest boards n has a Need to Plan everything to the T but when things stop going her way or she feels like she's losing control she like unravels a bit into a mess of anxiety. #anxiousqueen

is a bit. broke admittedly. ran through her savings when taking care of her grandmother n is just hoping that the business will be enough to get her by. if needed she can fall back on her degree but her passion's a bit. misplaced atm

bet ur ass she kept every single piece of designer that drew bought her throughout their relationship. she feels immense guilt about the entire runaway bride thing but these items r sentimental ok. they're kinda comforting. even though eden's in the wrong. let her be delulu.

has not been in a committed relationship since drew. he was her only serious one tbh. big fan of hookups n the concept of friends w benefits, even moreso one night stands. nobody is allowed to sleep in the same bed as her, she'll probably sneak out when they're asleep if its not at her place.

definitely a bit of an overthinker. she has to analyze everything.

will be honest with u. will try to be nice about it, without sugar-coating it. will speak her thoughts if she has to.

holds a grudge like a motherfucker. she's hard to anger, and already has too much patience for others - but when u get on her bad side, ur there for life. queen of passive aggressive comments and never letting it go. will bring it up in conversation n acknowledgement will not satiate her.

has mastered the silent treatment. she goes so silent when she's upset n thats how u know u've fucked up.

i think thats all! truthfully idk if any of this will be true when i actually write her so!<3

relationships.

childhood friends, from when she spent her summers in nightrest to when she moved for school. people who've known her since high school.

consistent friends who've been by her side for years n have supported her on the sidelines

people who were like wtf? when she just ran away from her wedding bc that probably got her on some shit lists even if they didn't know drew personally. bc eden definitely didn't tell anyone why.

enemies<3 moreso from when they were younger probably but like i said. eden holds a grudge of a lifetime. she'll be like i know u called me a whore in 11th grade because ur boyfriend liked staring at my tits more than looking at even just ur face. n thats not my problem i hope u got the help u needed. sounds like it was traumatic.

hookups obv. one night stands n friends w benefits n people who like get that she doesn't need anything serious rn and never has.

unrequited crushes mostly on her but sometimes<3 her heart does things<3 n she is susceptible to a pretty face on occasion.

please let her be the unofficial aunt to ur muses' children she loves kids so much n gets along w them so well

college friends!! people who knew her as this like <3 passionate science nerd n is just like ? this isnt bioengineering ? standing in her shop

shop patrons <3 please fund eden's life. the store is nice i promise. just a little old.

neighbors i love a civil small talk that isnt about murder. people who've known ada growing up themselves n have their own funny little stories abt ada bc she was a bit like<3 eccentric i think.

but also actually a close friend group wld be nice? like a best friend or somebody she can tell her secrets to <3 give me like the one person who knows she's infertile. let her traumadump!!!

[notkidnappedyet]

Chapter 1

Sometimes the Fish Jumps Out of the Bowl by Choice

“So," I smiled at my parents. It was important to look as unassuming as possible, and I had everything going for me. It was Christmastime, and the parents were happy to have their kiddos home from college. I nestled against my brother on the couch. He pushed me off.

My mom looked up from the quilting book she'd been gifted early this morning, "What is it?"

"So," I repeated, "I found a study abroad opportunity.” I said, carefully laying the words down and measuring their response. “It’s in Switzerland... for next year.”

My mom nodded slowly closing her book, “Switzerland, wow.”

“Is that the one with the yodeling? Why Switzerland? What language do they speak there?” Dad seemed intrigued

I smiled, “French! I’ll be able to continue the engineering degree and work on actually becoming fluent in French at the same time.”

"I think there are three official languages there. Maybe four." My brother added, our attending encyclopedia. He leaned over onto me, and I pushed him off, as heavy as ever.

“Ok. That’s nice.” Mom said helpfully. She took a diplomatic sip of water from her glass and placed it back onto the side table. “Are there other black people there?” She added less diplomatically, deepening her voice. 

It was a good question though. I didn’t even know. I shrugged. “I am currently going to school in Iowa so..” 

Mom snorted. 

“When does the program start?” Dad asked. 

“June. For an intensive French course, and then classes start in September. And they’ll throw in a scholarship for students who stay a full year… so I went ahead and accepted that.”

“You what?”

…...........................................................................................................................

When I look in the mirror, I see normal. Not bad, per say. Just normal. 

Ok, so maybe it’s bad in the morning, or puffy. But it could be much worse. 

But nothing irreparable, or even broken in the first place. Most of the time, I would even say I look good. No Rihanna or Lupita. But good, normal. The basic blank slate, as normal as it gets.

My looks have served me well over the years. I never quite grew out of the willowy and awkward stage from adolescence—my legs are too long, and weight doesn’t stick easily, particularly given my European lifestyle (and the fact that I refuse to hit the gym for more than two sessions every half year).

I look like I’m from the 70’s– just long and braless. My posture leaves a lot to be desired, which my mother rightfully reminds me every time I see her. And now, after seeing the issue in a posed photo shoot, I’m working to correct this. I walk everywhere. I grew into my ears, and I look normal. That’s the point.

I know objectively I stick out due to my height—which I’m not that tall, 5’10 isn’t ridiculously tall. In certain countries, ok. It’s enough above average that people comment on it. It’s enough that I have an advantage in concerts. 

I also know I stick out due to my color. I consistently inhabit places where I’m in the minority and the ratio has only become more unfavorable since birth.

Yet still, when I look in the mirror, I see a Plain Jane. Not in the negative sense. But in the sense that this is the face that I see every day. That I’ve seen every day. And this face is normal, human, and mine.

One common aspect of being female or perhaps presenting female seems to be the feeling of being unsafe. Or maybe this is my internalization of the root issue. I feel unsafe often. To the point that the most perfectly nice guy can hold a door open for me, and my first thought is, what do you want? If he’s gone out of his way to hold the door, if he's raced in front of me or waited for an ungodly extra minute, it always occurs to me that I’m capable of getting the door without the help. In fifth grade, I remember the after-school care leader for the ROTC course informed me that a lady must never touch a door and should always be the first to enter. Such a bizarre additional responsibility to put on the backs of men. 

Sometimes I feel stared at. And sometimes I am stared at, called at from cars, followed on streets that are universally considered safe by people who don’t stick out the way I do. By friends who really don’t seem to know that different people have different experiences. And either I’m emitting some strong weird pheromone or my problem is societal.

These stories are a love letter to those I was too nervous to approach. They’re an I-told-you-so to the acquaintances who didn’t believe me. They are a thanks to the friends who know this happens, and an inside joke to those who have witnessed it with their own eyes. 

To the people asking, well, how do I approach a beautiful stranger on the street? My bad experiences have molded how I handle the innocent approaches– they've marred my ability to discern the difference between a great guy and sleazeball. As I’ve grown to realize that I’m skewed towards assuming the worst, I reflect on certain approaches with the thought, 'ok, I wasn’t into him, but that approach was perfectly acceptable'. I don’t have an answer to the perfect approach, but some support with the bad approaches goes a long way towards a lady (me) being open to the good ones. So here is a perspective in which I’ve loaded the good, the bad, and forgettable into a single boat. 

Finally, to my friends, family, and parents in particular, I’m proud to say, I’m not kidnapped yet. 

[justsayun]

Wow Low E.

I've learned that we now have a medical condition called "LOW E". Know what it is? Low Energy. Yep, you got no pep in your step? You might have LOW E. My dad would have addressed my Low E with a Kick in the A. I identify Low E as "Big Lazy". Wonder if I could get a medic alert bracelet for when I have a LOW E day. I know from watching celebrities like Doug Flutie on TV many men have LOW T. I asked my wife if she was happy with my "T" Level. I got a double thumbs up.  Why is it that everything these days needs a cool nickname? Let me throw out a couple that you can feel free to use. Let's start with Vegans, which I would like to label "Picky Eaters". Doesn't sound cool, but a picky eater is what you are. We all have a friend who is not an idiot, but always seems to make stupid choices. I'm for giving that individual the label of suffering from (S.C.S.). That stands for Stupid Choice Syndrome. You have that pal who was in the top ten in his graduating class. Was accepted to some major colleges with scholarships but decided to pass on that and open up a Quilting Business out of his parent's garage. Yep, he suffers from Stupid Choice Syndrome. Everything has a new twist to how it's perceived. I see ads for Fertility Clinics.  Wow, people struggling to have a baby. When I grew up the fertility drug of choice was alcohol. I remember my uncle giving an educational chat to us kids during a family gathering about the birds and the bees. The story involved a few beers, birds and bees, and the bird removing its Bra.  (I didn't even know birds wore bras.  I took up the hobby of bird watching for a few weeks after his talk.) Don't hear that style of educational education any longer. I have taken notice of how many celebrity spokespeople are blending their foods. We can now purchase a portable blender to pack with us to make healthy smoothies while on the go. Sorry if this makes me a smoothie snob but if I have a smoothie it must be topped with Reddi-Whip. I don't think I could conveniently carry a blender and can of Reddi-Whip. I have a friend that only eats Free Range Eggs. Quizzed her as to why? What's your deal? Says she only wants to eat eggs from chickens that have been working out. So I asked "So you want eggs from a bird that's been jogging and pumping iron." She said I was making it sound weird, but yeah. No worries I told her. It's a fact that each of us knows one weirdo. You're now mine. She then asked if I had any unusual food quirks. I confessed I am extremely devoted to all the coffee mate Seasonal Flavors.  I've mentioned to my daughters if they have any more girls I'm for naming them Pumpkin Spice or Peppermint Mocha.