#Pointy teats spell?

[myhauntedsalem]

10 Tests For Guilt at the Salem Witch Trials

Rhetoric is only as potent as its source material – this is why any allusion to the Salem Witch Trials of 1692 is so effective. What comes immediately to mind is the hideous and completely unfound legal proceedings – based mostly on superstition, irrational paranoia, Puritanism-fueled mass hysteria, and deception–which resulted in 19 wrongful executions, each one hanged, burned, or drowned for some ill-fated finger-pointing. The imagery evoked is just as barbaric and painful as the means by which these accused “witches” were tried and ultimately “proven” guilty. (In actuality, most of the “afflicted” were just suffering from some mental illness medical science hadn’t quite caught up to at the time, “evil” being amongst the worst know epidemics.) Here are ten ways their verdict was ascertained:

10

Witch Cake

This voodoo-inspired test, the ingredients of said cake were rye meal… and urine from the girls said to be afflicted by the witch’s evil incantations. The test had dogs eat this cake, after which the alleged witch should scream out in pain – for in the process of her cursing the victims, she sent invisible particles of herself (the embodiment of pure evil, that is), which would show up in the urine. The cake, then, was effectively a voodoo doll of herself in a way. This superstition came from the Cartesian “Doctrine of Effluvia,” which logically was prescribed as a document of medical fact.

9

Spectral Evidence

This type of evidence is based on claims by accusers that they would see the individual accused of witchcraft in dreams or visions doing the Devil’s bidding. The argument against this was that the Devil could take any shape, while the counter-argument was that the Devil could not inhabit an individual’s body without their permission. This form of evidence was somehow enough to convict several accused during the time it was deemed plausible. (When it was later thrown out, the conviction rate decline severely and hastened the trials’ conclusion.)

8

Eye Witnesses Testimonials

Some witnesses would confess to actually seeing the alleged witches practicing their black magic, which was enough to tattoo guilt all over them. Of course there was nothing to stop accusers of making up stories just to see people they disliked or deemed strange taken away. Many accusations stemmed from the belief that a death or illness had been caused by witchcraft, which upon filing with a magistrate and being deemed credible would lead to an arrest. On the charge of “affliction with witchcraft” or “entering a covenant with the devil.”

7

Witch’s Teat

If you’ve ever heard the expression “cold as a witch’s teat,” now you know the origin: the aforementioned teat corresponded to any kind of mole or unusual skin blemish which all witches (and frankly most humans) are characterized to have. The test was that this teat would be pricked with a needle, and if the recipient didn’t bleed or feel it, then surely there was a witch in our midst. Often times, however, needles would be purposefully blunted so it would be easier to demonstrate just how “cold and unfeeling” this teat really is.

6

Artifacts

Sought after in the accused home were any artifacts corresponding to witchcraft that could be used as evidence for condemnation. These included poppets (a voodoo doll of sorts through which spells could be cast), cauldrons full of ointments, and books on palm reading and horoscopes. Also having flying broomsticks, talking black cats, and pointy hats would be instant red flags (at least in the Harry Potter universe).

5

Lord’s Prayer Test

This was a literal test of faith. The accused would be made to recite the “Lord’s Prayer” without error – this included any stumbling, stammering, or outright spasming. As elocution is a painstaking art, it seems that any average human would slip up, but under “God’s eyes” (as well as whoever else sees themselves fit to judge) mistakes are unacceptable. As far as fits go, try forcing someone who may be mentally-retarded or hysterical (medically-speaking) or hallucinating from LSD-fungus-covered rye bread (another suspect of these ubiquitous “fits”) to read from the bible with absolute level-headedness.

4

Touch Test

This test is all about the performance. If an afflicted person – throwing fits and the like – suddenly becomes calm after the accused places their hand on him/her, then the toucher is most certainly a witch. This is said to be because all the “venom” and assorted evil toxins (stemming from the witch’s eye) that originally addled the afflicted soul have returned to their evil host.

3

Forced Confession by Dunking

Those who didn’t admit to being a witch and under heavy suspicion were usually induced to confess by way of torture. One method was dunking, in which the accused would be held under water repeatedly until they were successfully broken down. This is also an effective means to brainwash someone into believing a lie, anything to make the inhumanity cease.

2

Pressing

Another means of torture designed to make the accuser talk, but made it impossible for them to talk, much less breathe. Called “pressing,” the subject is placed beneath heavy stones, meant to literally crush you into submission. One such recipient endured this very treatment, an 80 year-old man named Giles Corey accused of being a warlock (yes men could be accused as well). He refused to give a plea each of the several times he was asked, and was ultimately crushed to death by the stones, which, as it turned out, were more likely to speak than he was.

1

Bound Submersion

There was no favorable result in this test; essentially the alleged witch would be bound at the hands and feet – with heavy rocked attached – and thrown into a body of water. If the body floated to the surface, that was proof, along some kind of whimsical lines, that the accused was indeed a witch (at which point they’d execute her by some other means). If she sank to the bottom – and inevitably drowned – she was innocent. Given that none of these girls had received any proper Navy Seals training – inhale, hold your breath, don’t panic – about 100% of them drowned, with apathetic standers-by shrugging it off, thinking ‘Oh well. Now we know.”

[eyebeastposts]

Halloween Prompt 98

Prompt: A witch accidentally turns herself into a pumpkin woman who then starts uncontrollably lactating pumpkin spice latte.

           Dressed in her best purple robes and adorned with the traditional, pointy hat, Klara the witch summoned as many people as she could from the Halloween party to meet her in the living room to demonstrate her abilities. Placing a pumpkin on the table, she took a quick peek at her cheat sheet for the spell and began her chant. Whether it was because of her own nervousness or perhaps a little too much candy, her tongue slipped up on a word. She didn’t think anything of the small mistake, proceeding with the rest of the spell as she gestured towards the pumpkin.

           Eyes glancing back and forth between her audience and pumpkin, Klara began to sweat as she realized that nothing was happening. Clearing her throat, she tried to do the spell again. However, she was stopped from attempting the chant as she and the rest of the party goers watched her mid-section begin to swell.

           Klara’s precious robe didn’t stand a chance as her expanding belly ripped straight through the fabric. With her hat being the only piece of clothing left on her, her attempts to move degraded from a slow shuffle to a slug-like drag as her swelling gut took over the majority of her body. With her feet buried beneath her spherical form, she could only watch as an orange coloring spread across her skin and her hair turned a bright shade of green. Turning her puffed up cheeks to the side to compare her new form to the pumpkin, she discovered that her car-sized body was a near perfect replica save for a certain feature.

           Though her orb-like body had sunk in her various limbs, it was stopped from being a perfect sphere by the presence of her bloated head and the pair of massive, globular breasts hanging from her chest. Wobbling herself back and forth, Klara let out a gasp as she watched as orange liquid began to leak from her plumped up teats. Recalling the initial purpose of her spell, her fear turned into a confident grin as she asked the group of stunned onlookers if anyone would like a taste.

           After a few moments of silence, one man stepped forward to take her up on her offer. Climbing up her swollen figure to reach her breasts, he gave a momentary suckle from her nipple and was treated to a liquid that tasted similar to a pumpkin spice latte. The discovery gradually got more people to approach Klara to drink from her leaking nipples mostly out of curiosity. With each new pair of lips that latched onto her breasts, Klara had to stifle a pleasurable moan as they drank their fill. Though this was far from what she had originally planned, she was satisfied knowing that her magic had indeed made her the center piece of the party.

[bugcthulhu]

Spanish/Iberian mythical creatures: Lots of Bogeymen and other weirdos edition

Calzadilla Lizard: A crocodile-like beast that went around slaughtering entire flocks of sheep until a shepherd killed it by shooting its open throat with a magical shotgun. Its spirit cursed the shotgun to break on the spot so that it would never slay anything again

Patinga: A newt/salamander that is not only intensely poisonous but makes parts of one’s body disappear just by touching them

Lusitanian Dragon: Ocean-dwelling and snake-like, with green scales. A heraldric beast associated with Trebaruna, a pre-celtic goddess of home, battle, death and water currents

Machu Lanu: A bulky, shaggy, bipedal goat with enormous horns and a deformed human face. Can speak, but its voice is terrifyingly loud. 

Tiznau: Though considered a kind of goblin, it is gigantic in size, with black skin and clothes. Bad-tempered, controls the weather

Oiulari: Unseen being that announces its presence with a distant bellow. Answering back typically earns death by huge rock thrown at your direction. Leaves ten-fingered handprints on what it touches

 Deminyo: Small servile demon created by injecting a drop of blood on an egg laid by a black hen, then incubating the egg in a pile of dung. Causes terrible maladies by entering people’s bodies. Independent ones are known as “Demachinyos” and far more dangerous. Only a skilled witch can hope to control them

 Long-Teats Dog: Exactly what it sounds like. This obscene female canine appears at night and is considered an omen of death. Can imitate the sounds of other animals and transform into either crow or a wool yarn. Splits in two or three if struck.

 Ahari: A cave ram. Noted as being servants of Mari, (goddess of earth and consort of the evil dragon god Sugaar), who takes naps on their woolly bodies as pillows and spins with their horns

 Peeira: Feral nymphs that protect, live with, and usually lead packs of wolves. Sometimes said to have the power to cure lycanthropy

 Lehen: Benevolent sea serpent that guides lost sailors

 Etsai: Dragon of devilish disposition that teached science, arts and letters to whoever came to him, with the “payment” that at least one disciple would have to stay in his cave and serve him forever. Under him studied Atarrabi and Mikelatz, the rival sons of Mari and Sugaar

 Akerbeltz: A protector of animals that appears as a male black goat, kind-hearted despite his sinister appearance and possessing healing powers. The arrival of christianism lumped him with the devil and witch covens.

 Maruxaina: A sea nymph/mermaid with luminous eyes. Some tales have her as helpful and warning about incoming storms, but oftentimes she’s malicious, luring sailors towards her death. Her charming ability is such she can make raging whirlpools appear to her victims as calm waters.

 Mulachini Del Cielu: Baby-like beings with only one eye that play in storm clouds and throw lightning bolts

 Camunyes:  Extremely frightful, enormous and filthy bogeyman with shiny eyes, long skeletal claws and huge sharp teeth to gnaw bones with. Partly based on the popular figure of a guerrilla that terrorized French soldiers to avenge the unfair death of his brother.

 Carlanco: Hissing, nondescript goat-eating monster that appears in some fairy tales of Spain and Brazil in a similar vein to the Big Bad Wolf. Claims to have enough strength to tear apart mountains, but tends to be rather ineffective and easily thwarted.

 Jampon: Goblin that sneaks inside houses and eats all the food within

 Traganarru: Sea dragon with power over storms and waterspouts, sinks ships and devours whoever approaches the coast.

 Llufa: Wind spirit/fairy, invisible and silent. Stalks those they perceive as naïve to prank them and laugh at them

 Maru: Subterranean humanoids with two horns that kidnap people and cattle close to their domain

 Pericó: Tiny spirit associated with metal that grows into a giant of solid iron when exposed to fire, smashing all in its wake. Blacksmiths strike their anvils three times before work in order to keep it at bay

  Simanya: Female bogeyman of monstrous appearance and boundless appetite for human flesh, their lairs bursting with the bones of past victims. Frequent mountainous areas traditionally held as belonging to ogres

 Black Bubota: A ghost that takes the form of a black doll to frighten children

 Rabeno: Tall, thin humanoid with pale skin and a short tail. Though it watches over animals, it is a lascivious being that wanders towns to abduct women. Believed to spread leprosy and other severe skin diseases

 Trastolillo: A particularly restless goblin with horns and black fur, making a nuisance of itself on nearby houses and constantly snickering. Particularly fond of making terrible moans at night, startling families awake. Loves milk and might be bribed with it, but it’s just as likely to steal it.

 Manlleu Serpent: A huge snake sporting a hairy mane and a large diamond on its head. Slain by a child that stole the diamond while it was distracted and hid it in a mortar; Trying to get it back, the snake constricted the mortar over and over until it died of exhaustion

 Urco: A large dog with horns, long ears and clad in chains. Emerges from the sea at night, howling furiously.

 Tinyosa: A beautiful, transparent woman that appears in densely fogged areas. A child eater that “sucks” on prey until she eventually swallows it whole

 Aborteiro: Tiny insect that enters the bodies of pregnant women and does exactly what you think it does

 Grunyu: A dark, demonic beast with a guttural voice. Lives in caves by day, roams the forests at night. Hard to see, but if anyone walks past it they will be cursed on the spot and their personality will change for the worse

 Eate: Entity that embodies fire, floods and hurricanes. Incredibly destructive and merciless, but sometimes its fury can be directed by someone holding “rainbow grass”

 Fumera: Bogeyman with seven eyes (4 front, 3 in the back of the head) that appears on Christmas and keeps watch on children, taking away those that succumb to gluttony

 Cul Pelat: Ferocious being that appears in days of strong wind, using it to hide its presence and kidnap children. For some reason its name translates to “Shaved Butt”

 Pollastre: A bogeyman in the form of a foul-tempered rooster that eats the legs off naughty children

 Bofarull: Small demon/goblin that appears within and controls whirlwinds

 Maridillo: “Little hubby”. A multi-colored toad, either velvety in texture or actually wearing small clothes, given to witches as a familiar. Constantly demands food, but also vomits a stinking, black-green liquid useful for poisons and spells

 Cuine: Red-and-white gnomes that live in trees or burrows in fields, watching over children. Rather than talk, they either whistle melodiously or squeal like piglets

 Cazamentides: A really tall bogeyman with iron arms and hooks for fingers. Knows when children have told a lie, and snatches them by the dozen to eat them at sea.

 Currucuca: A bogeyman best described as a disgusting mound of hair. So hairy, in fact, it keeps tripping over itself

 Momerota: Beast between bull and horse that launches fireworks from its horns. Chases after people, but is in turn killed for its wine-like blood.

 En Micó: A spirit of brine that turns everything it touches into salt, living beings included

 Bilbiana: Half-woman, half-otter bogeyman. Takes beating her with wooden clubs to drive her away.

 Ceocrobol: Strange beings described as riding enormous birds covered in grass that they feed upon, and thus rarely touch the ground

 Goja:  Water nymphs sometimes shown with dragonfly wings. Their ethereal clothes grant good luck and prosperity to the owner, but get caught stealing them and you’ll be turned to stone. Known to marry mortals now and then: end up vanishing forever the moment their significant others blurt out their true nature

 Mascard Bull: Black and wreathed in flames, runs around mountains.

 Furtaperas: A grotesque, humanoid bogeyman that actually craves pears above all things, only turning to children if it can’t find any

 Peladits: A tall, thin ogre covered in black hair that controls armies of lice.

 Marmajor: Mountain-dwelling bogeyman apparently so good at what it does it is ALWAYS encountered gnawing on children, and carries so many upon its back it leaves a trail of wounded toddlers in its wake.

 Trubinco: Goblin that enters houses and makes a mess of things unless the owners offer them their favourite toy: A pinecone slathered in tar

 Malacosa: Black, pointy-headed being of great size that does nothing but follow people anywhere they go, even waiting outside if they take shelter

 Gops: Extremely violent giants that not only prey on humans but also their own dead and wounded. Have disgustingly matted hair, long beards growing out of their nose, and a single fang

 Taranganyo: Goblins that enter the bodies of children and give them rickets.

 Peirot: Bogeyman that appears monstrously bloated from all the children its swallowed. Constantly dancing

 Carpia: A ghostly bird that brings bad luck, sometimes appears as a thin, wrinkled hag

 Drago: Enormous, has a human-like head an arms but the body of a snake or basilisk. Enslaved an entire region, threatening the locals via terrible bellows to feed its bottomless hunger. After having devoured all the cattle they had to offer, it went on to consume every last human in the vicinity. Beyond that its ultimate fate is unclear: some say it starved to death, where others claim it left to Africa.

 Moixina: Female bogeyman that stalked water springs. Some describe it as a beautiful nymph, while others claim it’s some kind of cat-like animal

Seven-Headed Cuca: Bogeyman that might be either a giant worm, or a dragon