#Outback Stabhouse

[sikyurame]

Okay but meeting another coworker who also watches the disc-only podcasts can be so personal

[trgandfriendsmemearchive]

Restaurant violence/Outback Stabhouse

Also called: Breakfast stabbings

Related meme: The Disc Only mall

Series of origin: Disc Only Podcast

Explain the joke: During episode 2 of the Disc Only Podcast, Jerod and Stephen began exchanging stories about incidents at breakfast restaurants: Jerod going to a Waffle House and “almost getting stabbed” because the manager pulled out a knife to kick out some unruly customers, and Stephen knowing about someone ACTUALLY getting stabbed at a Denny’s.

In episode 5, after a callback to the breakfast stabbings conversation, Stephen lamented how long it’s been since he’s been to a restaurant, saying that he’d risk being stabbed just to go to one. After Jon quickly disagreed, Stephen began constructing scenarios in which someone may agree to get stabbed for food, to see how Jon would react to them.

Jon stated that his favorite type of place to go out to eat was a steakhouse, so Stephen set his hypothetical scenario at a ridiculously fancy 5-star steakhouse, with scientists on-hand to ensure everything is safe, and the food is free. But the catch is, in order to eat there, you’d have to get stabbed. Jon maintained that even a free 5-star steak from a steakhouse wasn’t worth being stabbed, though Stephen, Tom, and Jerod continued to discuss the hypothetical steakhouse, soon named Outback Stabhouse, in which you can get stabbed instead of paying.

Videos of origin:

Breakfast stabbings: https://youtu.be/kRShPgJH9f0

Outback Stabhouse: https://youtu.be/0Unq8EAAaH0

[bvannn]

Outback Stabhouse buying up other franchises I see

My family and I went to Chipotle only to find they required human sacrifice for your meal.

[liam-the-dilly]

Oh boy, here’s a long one...featuring my Monster Prom/Castlevania crossover OC, Harold Belmont!

 Zoe: I haven’t even...y’know, I haven’t even been in a restaurant now for what feels like ages... Harold: Do they still exist? Zoe: But I would be willing to go into one and get stabbed. Like, if that was the tradeoff. Harold: Nah, I’m gonna say no to that. That’s on you. Zoe: Like, if there was a restaurant that...Harold, what’s your favorite thing to eat? That’s a good question. Harold: Steak. Zoe: Okay, let me paint a picture for ya. Harold: Alright, paint me a picture at a steakhouse. Zoe: Okay. The finest steakhouse; white linen tablecloths. Harold: That’s a bad idea at a steakhouse, but yes. Zoe: Well, it’s fancy, Harold. It’s fancy; there’s someone playing classical piano and then also...for some reason, also a harp. And the one guy is playing both. He’s extremely talented. Oz: I was about to say; Both at the same time? Harold: That’s very talented; I can see why people wanna go to this fancy steakhouse. Damien: Hold on, I need clarity here: how? How exactly is he playing? Zoe: The harp is with his feet. Harold: You need to keep painting this picture, Zoe; we’re not done painting the picture. Zoe: So, Harold, you walk through, and they take your coat because you’re wearing a coat, you come through the door, they seat you. It’s a - it’s a beautiful restaurant, they have the finest of everything, even down to the silverware; it’s...strangely heavy. You ever been to a restaurant where you pick up a fork and you go “That’s oddly heavy?” Harold: Yeah, it’s usually a steakhouse. Zoe: *laughs* Well, guess what? That’s where you’re at. And the one thing...when you walk through the front door, is they say, “Hey, we have the technology in this steakhouse...there is a scientifically proven 0% chance that you can contract the virus here. Everything is completely safe.” And they have a board of scientists that just stand in the corner and nod, so you know it’s very official. You go in, you order your food, you’re eating your meal, and halfway through, they stab you. BUT THE MEAL IS GREAT, HAROLD. Like, does that not sound appealing? Harold: NO! No, it doesn’t! Zoe: And the stabbing would be brief. It would be very brief. The meal is also free. Harold: That does not make up for being stabbed! Damien: Hold on, there’s a few factors we need to go through. Harold: A FEW?! Damien: Yes. “How big is the knife?” “How deep is the wound?” “How long are you being stabbed for?” “Do you survive the stabbing?” These are all very important things here. Harold: Okay, the last one, I’ll give you, but I feel like if someone told you, “Alright, I’ll give you the best night of your life, but at the end of the day, you’re getting stabbed; I’m not gonna tell you how you’re getting stabbed or by what; you’re just gonna get stabbed,” you’re not gonna be like, “Mmm, nooo, I’m good?” Zoe: Well... Damien: Gotta ask for details. Harold: Are you thinking they’re just gonna stab you with, like, a popsicle or something here? Like, no. Damien: Look, Zoe. Human beings are very...what’s the word I’m lookin’ for...resilient. Oz: Not against a knife! Like, what the frick are you talking about? Harold: I don’t think I’m knifeproof, basically. Zoe: Well, Damien wants in on the details... Damien: And one other thing: how quickly do you get from getting stabbed to, like, being in the paramedic’s? Zoe: Listen, this is all stuff that we thought of here at Outback Stabhouse, and while you’re here eating...uh...you will be able to choose your level of stabbing, because it correlates to the meal that you decide on. Oz: So it’s like “Rare to well-done, how much do you wanna get stabbed?” Harold: Who thought was a good-WHO PAID FOR THIS COMPANY TO EXIST?! Zoe: I’m just saying... Damien: Wait, no, that’s brilliant. Harold: WHAT?! Damien: It’s a brilliant business model; the people don’t pay for the meal...the people paying are the people that’re gonna stab the people that’re eating the meal! Oz: So this is like a hostile situation then? Zoe: I’m just sayin’, if you come in and you want the 50-ounce porterhouse, it’s gonna be a pretty deep stab. Harold: NO! NO!!! *Oz and Damien start cracking up* Zoe: If you’re just trying to get an 8-ounce sirloin, Harold, you need to get over this whole stabbing thing; you haven’t been in a restaurant in months! A little stabbing ain’t gonna hurt ya! Harold: YES, IT WILL! IT’S A STABBING! Oz: Zoe, what the frick? Damien: Also, do you know about the stabbing beforehand? I’m assuming this place would garner a reputation very quickly. Harold: I would say so. Zoe: Well, yeah! You would know about the sta-! They’re not gonna surprise stab you! IT’S ON THE MENU. Harold: So what you’re saying is, everyone who goes to this place is an idiot? Zoe: IT’S FREE MEAT, HAROLD! Oz: Wait, Zoe, I have a very important question to ask you. Are the hash browns free? Zoe: Oh, they don’t serve hash browns there; that’s a ridiculous question, Oz. Damien: The place is way too high-end for that; the closest thing you’re getting to that are gourmet mashed potatoes. Or au gratin. Oz: Bro, I will take gourmet mashed potatoes any day. I could eat, like, a pound of mashed potatoes in one sitting. Don’t even try me. Damien: So here’s what I’m thinking as well with the stabbing: You have the menu, you’ve got the menu in front of you. It lists, like, all the things in front there. Instead of a price, it tells you, like, the...in detail how you’re gonna get stabbed. If you eat that. Harold: How is this business model viable? Why are people agreeing to show up and get stabbed? Zoe: BECAUSE, HAROLD, THERE’S A LOT OF PLACES WHERE YOU CAN RECEIVE A STABBING AT VARIOUS DEPTHS, AND IT’S OKAY. Damien: And you’re paying for the food at those. Zoe: Yeah. Oz: Like a hospital? Harold: Yeah, like, am I stabbing myself with my fork by accident? What’s going on here? Zoe: Also, I have to at least point out that Polly wrote in the chat, “No rules, just stabbings.” And I really love it. I had to include that in Outback Stabhouse.

[incorrect-zombieland-saga-quotes]

Franchouchou goes to Outback Stabhouse

Saki: “You go in, you order your food, you’re eating your meal… and halfway through they stab you. But the meal is great, Ai! Like, does that not sound appealing?”

Ai: “No!”

Saki: “And the stabbing would be brief! It would be very brief—”

Ai: “No it doesn’t!”

Saki: “The meal is also free!”

Ai: “That does not make up for being stabbed!”

Yugiri: “Hold on there is a few factors we need to…”

Ai: “A few?!”

Yugiri: “Yes! How big is the knife, how deep is the wound, how long are you being stabbed for, do you survive the stabbing? These are all important things here.”

[renegadebraveheart]

Reblogging this because I needed to add the source. Disc Only Podcast is amazing btw.

Franchouchou goes to Outback Stabhouse

Saki: “You go in, you order your food, you’re eating your meal… and halfway through they stab you. But the meal is great, Ai! Like, does that not sound appealing?”

Ai: “No!”

Saki: “And the stabbing would be brief! It would be very brief—”

Ai: “No it doesn’t!”

Saki: “The meal is also free!”

Ai: “That does not make up for being stabbed!”

Yugiri: “Hold on there is a few factors we need to…”

Ai: “A few?!”

Yugiri: “Yes! How big is the knife, how deep is the wound, how long are you being stabbed for, do you survive the stabbing? These are all important things here.”