#Ok yeah so maybe I do have OCD

[secret-person]

Changing negative language to positive language:

"I keep neglecting my mental health" to "I'm just like Siffrin"

"I'm scared of being a burden to my friends" to "I'm just like Siffrin"

"I miss my home" to "I'm just like Siffrin"

"I am highly dismissive of my own problems and harm myself and those close to me because of it" to "I'm just like Siffrin"

"I should ask out my crush" to "I'm just like SIffrin"

"Fuck, I'm stuck in a time loop" to "I'm just like Siffrin"

"I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL SOMEONE" to "I'm just like Siffrin"

"I'm an idiot and am incapable of accomplishing even the most basic of instructions or task. I am worthless" to "I'm just like Siffrin"

[liquidstar]

naur I can't sleep :( we found a dead mouse on the floor earlier today (sad :( ) and now I'm having like a crazy ocd spike about rabies AND about how that's a bad omen

[strangerhands]

ohmygodddddd i am a fucking genius...👁️ the fic idea i just came up with. the Specific Line i thought up. its such a random idea but its so so cute and sweet and ugh its gonna plague me forever. kinda proud of myself to be honest so lets just hope i can Actually write it soon🧎

[stovetoast]

pillow tpot headcanons (long ramble expanding on the ocd part under the cut)

ok so first warning: i am not a psychiatrist. this isnt a super educated essay on ocd, just me projecting my lived experience onto an object show character. this is just an observation. if i get something wrong feel free to correct me, ill add it here. (its also worth noting i am self diagnosed. not "quick google search" self dx though, ive gone over it with a therapist and everything)

and that leads into the second warning: this ramble will get a tad bit personal sorryyyy

and finally the third warning: i put she/it on the ref but im just using she/her for simplicity (+ i forgot LOL(

anyway so yeah i think that pillow has ocd and is basically the embodiment of "letting intrusive thoughts win" except like. actually. this headcanon didnt stem from the killing or the strange impulses though, i think she has it because of her fixation on good and bad luck in tpot 10.

for me it manifests in a few different ways. my main one is counting—i have good luck numbers and bad luck numbers. i need to take a specific number of snacks every time i have a bowl of them. i have to shake medicine bottles a certain amount of times before taking them. i am always counting the "syllables" of whatever im doing, and it always has to land on a multiple/factor of my lucky number. and if i break any of this, i (generally, if i cant convince myself its fine or if i dont notice) have to count to my lucky number otherwise something bad will happen. hell, i added more flags to this ref because the number of them was my unlucky number.

i have a few other things that affect it that are completely unrelated to counting, though. like a particularly bad one is that i straight up cant wear certain articles or clothing anymore because theyre bad luck. or my ungodly long night routine (which is probably more of an autism thing tbh. but certain parts of it are absolutely influenced by the ocd, like having to say goodnight to my dog).

that ^^ is what i saw in pillow. she was distraught that her team lost in 9, because not only did she think she was doing the challenge right, but killing people (bringing death) was good luck for her.

i think her killing people was a compulsion, and her whole thing in 10 was her scrambling to find a new one after that stopped working.

and before anyone tries to be all like "oh thats fucked up why would they portray ocd like that," one: i dont think this was on purpose this was just an observation, two: i mean..... fuck dude if i lived in a world where revival was incredibly accessible and one of my compulsions were to kill people, id do the same thing. death is fairly normal in bfdi, to the point everyone literally has a kill count on the fandom wiki (hers is 13 as of tpot 11 btw, a commonly unlucky number ironically enough. if she gets eliminated in 12 with an unlucky kill count thatd be so funny). once they get past the pain, its. really just an inconvenience to them.

when it comes to ocd, you. HAVE to do these things. its not a choice until you can get some outside help with it, and oftentimes its an inconvenience to those around you. i dont think its right for her to be going around killing her team, but when i get past the fact that is literally what made her my favorite, i get where shes coming from. shes trying to help in a way she "knows" will work.

or maybe shes just silly idk

[shadebloopnik]

This is gonna sound SOOO off or smthn but

Was the Perfect Family Harmony planned to be a weapon against the Bergens?

Long post ahead bc brain is rotting

Ok so as we know, the Perfect Family Harmony is smthn that's so powerful that its capable of shattering diamonds. Not just that but its one of the only thing capable of doing so(according to Floyd it was the only thing but giving the benefit of the doubt)

So we know its strong, and we saw it blasting off Velvet and Veneer off their platforms when they performed it, and they weren't even the targets, they were blasted away by just the shockwave that came with using it.

"Its that powerful."

Ok, so its definitely powerful enough to be used as a weapon right? Yeah it was relatively safe enough to use in front of a crowd, else they wouldn't have tried to do it during a concert, but that could just be when those harmonizing aren't targeting anything.

If it could shatter diamonds, how easily could it break cages? What would it do if it was used to target a Bergen? A whole Kingdom of Bergens?

Lets also go back to that concert, to that time John was obsessed with them getting it right. They were in the Troll tree, in Bergentown, a place where any of them could die during Trollstice. The Bergens were a huge threat, something that trolls, at their size, couldn't fight back against normally so they had to run instead right?

But what if they COULD fight back? What if they had a weapon so powerful that it might finally be able to free them? To defeat the monsters that tortured their kind for centuries?

What if John Dory found a way to help make sure nothing would threaten his brothers' safety ever again?

Like, it'd make John Dory's obsession make SOOO MUCH MORE SENSE

Like yea he clearly has OCD and anxiety and some bossiness and that definitely added to it all, but imagine if it was more than that?

Look at him during that performance. He was in deep. He had a wild look in his eyes, a sort of deranged obsession to have everything be perfect no matter what. It wasn't healthy, it was scary, maybe even downright terrifying for his brothers who had to be subjected to it.

But you know what else he looked like?

Terrified

Man was scared out of his mind. His anxiety and stress levels were through the roof. He probably was one wrong tune away from hyperventilating.

What if it was bc it was so much more than the fans? What if he put the salvation of the entire troll-kind on his shoulders?

One wrong step meant they were nothing.

One wrong step meant disappointing the fans.

One wrong step meant letting down the kingdom.

One wrong step meant another troll getting eaten.

Thats why when they failed, John blew up. He took all of that self-hatred of failing to use that weapon to defeat the bergens and poured it all onto his brothers.

"I know we can reach the Perfect Family Harmony."

"What if we don't want to."

John Dory, blind to how and WHY his brothers didn't want to follow his lead, felt betrayed.

To him, all he's ever done was to ensure their safety, everything was for the greater good. He'd done everything he could, his goals slowly twisting him into a crazed obsession. To hear his brothers say they didn't want to help anymore might've struck a cord too much. If you'd noticed he actually looked really sad and hurt when they started bringing up how much they hated being in the band, but it slowly twisted to anger instead. Kind of in a like, "I tried doing everything for these shts and THIS is how they repay me???" way. He was so stressed and stuck in his own head with his failures that he just couldn't see what his brothers were trying to say.

So in a fit of impulsive rage, he left. To him it probably was like that rlly childish way of saying "Yea im leaving, good luck dealing with the Bergens while im goneee." You know? Like how kids runaway from home when they get angry or upset over every little thing but come back when they realize how stupid that was?

"Im not allowed to change."

And he DID come back. Who knows how long, but he did. Imagine how he must've felt seeing their empty pod in an empty tree, with the knowledge that he could've done something about it. The Perfect Family Harmony could've saved them. They could've used it to break the cage, to fight the Bergens. Hell, it could've been powerful enough to wipe out all the Bergens if they do so wished.

"Im the oldest, I have to be the leader."

He and his brothers were the only ones who'd ever gotten close to getting it right.

"Why do you think I moved into the middle of nowhere? So I didn't have to be in charge of anyone."

The village was counting on them. Counting on him. He let them down. He failed.

"Freeing the village Four little brothers is a lot of responsibility."

They could've gotten it. If only John did it right. If only John did it differently.

If only John Dory was Perfect

[queen-of-weird-girlboy-nation]

@valtsv credit for this chart bc it's so soso, so jason Grace all at the same time, let the explain ok. This is based on my beadcanons and vibes. Canon is a suggestion and a prompt. Also, this chart slaps

1. Angel rules: You can break the rules, but doing so will have irreversible consequences

Jason can just break the rules of CJ. He doesn't have to follow them. But that involves punishment, and as he develops OCD damages that he thinks will be a life ending (all of the people in New Rome will die. The world will end. Everything will go wrong if he breaks the rules). So like angel rules

2. Fae rules: you can't break the rules but you can exploit every loophole.

This is less than the first defiently after the like breaks all of the culty brainwashing, or probably in the middle of deprogramming likely, but I hc Jason knows all the laws ever since hes the son of Jupiter god of law and order. So he thinks that breaking rules is bad, but maybe loopholes are maybe sort of ok? He can't break the rules but knowing every law and loophole he can exploit all of them. So like fae rules

3. Machine rules: You can not break the rules because the rules are encoded into you and breaking them requires breaking you

Jason's dad is the god of law and order. He was raised in a rule oriented military camp since he was a toddler and was probably abused bc of it. That's why I hc him as following the rules so much, even when he doesn't mean to because it's a force of habit. He has no idea who he is outside of them because they are literally encoded into his very being, like a machine designed to follow the rules to their demise.

All of these coexist

Machines can break their code and set free like angels, but they would malfunction and die, hence irreversible consequences like how jaosn can break the rules but another irreversible consequence would be he wouldn't be as good of a child soldier which is a great consequence but stil a consequence. He would die at his purpose, being a soldier.

And this both of these ft in with fae rules, a t least a bit. Bc at this point, he can't break the rules, but small loopholes are ok perhaps? So yeah.

I'm very obsessed with the machine one and this concept if you can't tell :)

@freddie-77-ao3 @acetheta @seulgishaku @tiredthistofor @somewhereincairparavel

[shieldofiron]

Meals on Wheels

(Harringrove, just a flirty little drabble for @disabledbillyandsteveweek day 2 prompt-Family)

Steve thought it was maybe the stupidest thing he’d ever thought of. He and Robin had been having a sleepover and somehow the subject got around to tattoos.

“I would get a pin up girl but that might be tacky,” Robin sighed.

“As far as I’m concerned, the tackier the better,” Steve rolled up to his countertop and poured another glass of wine.

“Oh yeah, what are you getting? A nail bat?”

“Only if it says ‘who wants to get nailed,’” Steve snarled.

“What about a tramp stamp?” Robin took the glass of wine and sipped it. “Eat me.”

Steve thew a saucy look over his shoulder, dripping with king Steve charm, “Please. Look at me. It would say meals on wheels.”

Robin giggled, “Yeah, as long as we’re getting tattoos of wishful thinking I should get one on my hand that says, ‘Pussy destroyer.’”

“‘M just in a dry spell.”

“Yeah, okay,” Robin rolled her eyes, “Would you actually get ‘Meals on Wheels?’”

“Eat fast, eat fresh,” Steve quipped. “I’ll do it if you do, Madam Pussy Destroyer.”

Robin giggled loopily, “You know I did see an article about a tattoo parlor that specializes in sensory safe tattoos.”

“What’cha mean?” Steve wasn’t drunk, but he was a little tipsy on their good fortune in securing a wheelchair accessible apartment this close to the city center. Sure, a lot of rent had to come from their was Starcourt hush money, after Steve been paralyzed and a flayed Jonathan Byers has saved the world, but they he still found it and so Steve was happy to fork over the cash. The location was ideal, even if the city noise sometimes wrecked havoc on Robin’s sensory issues so they’d installed some extra sound proofing. But he wasn’t sure how a tattoo parlor was a part of that.

“It’s super cool, the owner has OCD so he made it so each room is private and soundproofed. They don’t play loud music, and offer headphones if the buzzing is too much, though you can bring your own movies. I’ve always wanted a tattoo, but some of those places are just too loud and busy,” Robin sighed.

“So you’ve always wanted to be a pussy destroyer?”

“No, shut up,” she blushed. “A Lilly, for my grandma.”

“Well maybe tomorrow we can go check it out.

“I wouldn’t want to do it alone.” She bit her lip. “I wouldn’t have the guts.”

Steve shrugged, “ok, you convinced me. It’s tramp stamp time.”

“No, you’re not serious,” Robin giggled.

“You’re my family. If you bleed, I bleed. You tramp stamp, I tramp stamp,” Steve said, only laughing when Robin did.

But then the next morning, his head pounding, he didn’t have too many defenses when Robin had looked at him with those puppy dog eyes and said she’d called and made them an appointment. She’d even brought in his motorized wheelchair and said that she’d buy bagels on the way.

But he was regretting it when they were finally there, and Steve was contemplating actually getting something permanently inked into his skin.

He wasn't sure if he was cool enough for this. He definitely wasn't cool enough for the artist that came in and introduced themselves to Robin. Their name was Eddie and they were practically covered in tattoos, wearing some cool unpronounceable band name t-shirt that they'd sewn to a mini tutu skirt to make a dress. They took Robin back to her room after they went over her sketch, a lilly painted with pale watercolor shades.

Robin squeezed his hand, "You're not gonna chicken out on me, right? I booked the only two person room they have so if you don't show up, I will know."

"I'm not chickening out," Steve laughed, "Though I hope your grandma isn't watching from heaven, because she'll probably see my ass."

Robin snorts, "She definitely saw your ass this morning when I helped you out of the shower. She was a tough old bird, a little of your pale ass won't scare her."

Steve snorted, "I'll see you in a moment."

Steve was starting to feel a little nervous. Honestly after Starcourt, he hadn't been interested in hiding his sexuality at all. Life seemed too short, he might as well unapologetically be himself, bi and disabled and ADHD and slutty and everything that was himself. But maybe the double entendre tramp stamp was a little too out there.

And then... he'd come in.

"Hi, Steve, right?" The guy was stunning, with long blonde curls streaked with blue piled up into a big bun on the top of his head. He offered a large, warm hand and Steve almost melted when they shook.

"Yeah, hi."

"I'm Billy, I'm the owner," Billy smiled, and Steve swore that he could see a cartoon smile, like Billy was an anime prince. An anime prince that had a giant seratonin tattoo that was splattered with that looked like watercolor. "I hope you don't mind that I use some hand sanitizer. I'm working on my handshake thing, but..."

"It's fine, ah... do you mind if I have some too?" Steve held out his hand.

Billy squirted Steve out a little of their fancy hand sanitizer.

"So I have to be honest, I wasn't sure what to expect when we got the call for a wheelchair themed tramp stamp that said meals on wheels," Billy licked along his lower lip, "But now that I'm seeing you it makes more sense."

Steve could feel himself turning red, "It was kind of a joke-"

"I mean," Billy leaned in, "You do look good enough to eat."

Steve shivered, blush spreading up to his hairline.

Billy straightened, "God, sorry. Sorry, that was so inappropriate-"

"It's fine."

"No, really, I can see if Heather is free to take over the appointment, except that-" Billy bit his lip, "I think I'll still have to be the one to help you onto the table. Maybe if Eddie and Heather work together... God, not that you're like... too big or... shit... I'm sorry."

Steve laughed, "Really, it's fine."

"You're not too big, you're like... perfect," Billy ran a hand down his face, "Sorry. I'm sorry. Chrissy should know she can't give me the pretty guys, I clearly can't handle it."

Steve glanced up, giving him that King Steve sparkle right back, and seeing the way it made Billy's eyes go wide and nervous.

Steve pressed on the joystick to his chair with one finger, running a hand along the tip flirtatiously.

Billy's eyes darted to his hand, and then back to his face.

"I think you can handle me," Steve said smugly, "Don't you wanna try?”

Steve left that day with a bit of a sore ass, though the sensation was soothed a lot by the business card that had Billy's personal number scrawled on the back.

"I can't believe the meals on wheels tattoo got you a date," Robin rolled her eyes as she attached Steve's chair to the floor of his van, tightening the straps down with a shake of her head.

"What can I say," Steve shrugged, "Billy looks like a hungry boy to me."

Robin gagged, "You are my family. But never, ever, say that again."

@intothedysphoria thanks for answering my question on this one.

[stylezxsilvermoon]

mila's summer watches review list (ft...hot ass actors)

hey everyone i've been watching a hella lot of movies with hot men in it (hence the pictures) and i wanted to do a review or wrap up list, because this summer i've watched an unbelievable amount of movies and shows this summer (like may to august) so yeah why not make a list! and maybe rate some of them!

(not in chronological order at all)

hayden christensen

factory girl

shatterd glass

life as a house

virgin territory

little italy

vanishing on 7th street

awake

takers

higher ground (show)

american heist

little italy

hayden christensen faves:

i might be a bit bias (i am) (denial) but i really did semi-like everything hayden was in, although some of it was a bit weird. but my faves that you should SO WATCH is life as a house (2001) i just rewatched it for the 4th time and its just such a classic coming-of-age 2000's movie about this edgy teen that has separated parents and his dad takes him for the summer, and its just a whole thing you have to watch it.

also not to mention higher ground (show) its about these teens that are troubled and end up at a summer camp for abuse survivors and druggies and it just goes so in depth about serious topics and i just love it so much, there's a tiny bit of drama but it's not so over the top its unbelievable, and its realistic too.

tom sturridge:

the boat that rocked/ pirate radio (uk version vs us version lol)

on the road

like minds/ murderous intent

sweetbitter (show)

3 way junction

waiting for forever

effie gray

tom sturridge faves:

literally just the boat that rocked/pirate radio (2009), its so good, its about these middle aged men who start an illegal radio channel on a boat, and the godson of one of them is tom sturridge's character and it takes off from there, also set in the 60s...and made in 2009...so ehem...ya know...

but still really good! fun fact this was the first tom sturridge movie i watched and it's still my fave! also another fun fact you can literally find all of waiting for forever full movie on youtube uploaded by some random person here (not a rick roll, literally the full movie no joke)

mike faist:

(not that many since i just got into him but he still makes the list lol)

panic (show)

west side story

challengers

the atlantic city story

i can i will i did

mike faist faves:

ok so we probably all know challengers is gonna sweep right..right? yeah but actually WRONG it was panic (2021) but challengers (2024) is a close 2nd for me, the reason being i did not get it at all first watch, but i watched some movie reviews on it and watched the interviews with the cast and i actually was like wow this is deeper than i thought (mainly bc i just hated tashi the whole movie) lol blame my probably ocd high morality and anxiety that was PROBABLY flaring while watching it but its just! a character! so we can look at it from a regular standpoint

but yeah, panic just had me on the edge of my seat the ENTIRE time and it was such a good show, im sad it got cancelled but what I saw of it was SOSOSO good I'm clawing at the walls of my enclosure

and yeah to wrap this post up I just wanna say all 3 of these men are insanely talented and I'm looking forward to watching all of their movies and shows...and out of all of them in total I'd say my favorite one is probably life as a house (2001) and it just captured those summer vibes for me and it was one of the (1st? I think) movies I watched of hayden's that started this ENTIRE thing, this monstrosity of me foaming at the mouth for these fine ass men and posting about it several times lmfao

and btw moots! And ppl who I don't follow or don't follow me feel free to talk about any of these that were mentioned because they were all a joy to watch some more than others obviously

other things i watched that aren't hayden/tom/mike related:

black clover

young justice

and bro black clover (anime) is SO good literally my favorite show of 2024 if you haven't watched it you need to show-wise is my favorite rn and blows these out of the water in enjoyment but that's just bc I watched it literally since like may 2024 @blackclovershowrunners SEASON 5 NEOWWW!!!?? I DONT WANT ANOTHER DANG MOVIE I WANT SEASON 5 (take ur time tho so it's good)

also for fun, here's a poll:

[hierophant-reversed]

anons back at you... hypnosis, voyeurism, edging, cucking, d/s, humiliation, praise, feet?

OOOH OK [ask game: send me kinks and i'll rate them 1-10!]

HYPNO: hm i'd say like. usually a 7/10? i don't typically go looking for it but the more i think about it, the more i feel like i could reeeally be into it especially in certain contexts. since i haven't sought it out much, i'm not rlly familiar with common tropes/scenes, but i can see it being very good for me lol

VOYEUR: 10/10. i Do seek this out yeah. it's one of those things for me that's like... in some ways one of my worst fears but also in other ways really hot, y'know? i have a lot of fear/paranoia about like. Getting Found Out in ways that go badly for me (like one of my biggest stress nightmares is a family member walking in on me, and i do NOT like that, and my ocd really latches onto it). but in certain scenes i'm super weak to it. like... the trope of one girl masturbating and another watching secretly or walking in... well. (<- guy who is really normal about allowing herself to experience physical intimacy and voicing desires)

EDGING: 8/10 in concept, 6/10 in practice. i think it's hot to imagine, but when i've tried to do it irl it just ends up kind of disappointing. maybe i'm doing it wrong, maybe it's just my antidepressants, idk. i wish it worked though because i like the idea

CUCKING: another one i don't think about much but has potential. 8/10. i don't think it counts as cucking, but i will say that hyperfocusing on a sims 4 build while your two girlfriends have sex on the bed behind you is a pretty funny experience.

DOM/SUB: (is what i assume this is unless there's another thing this stands for that i wasn't aware of) 9/10. this is one that's so normal to me i forget it's a kink. obv there are varying levels/dynamics in these types of relationships but at least whenever i've had sex, i think it's always sort of in the back of my mind: i tend to base my actions on either a dom or sub role (usually dom because it gives me less room to get self conscious halfway through lol). it's not usually very extreme, but it gives me a role to fill, which gives me a loose script or "character" to play, which keeps me from getting too in my head about it. i'm still working really hard to get more comfortable expressing myself when it comes to sex and what i want/like (hence why i have this blog), and i feel like d/s stuff gives me a framework to examine that through.

HUMILIATION: 7/10-10/10 depending on context. irl it only works coming from my partners in specifically sexual settings; i don't get turned on every time i'm embarrassed in day to day life. in fiction though i like it a lot in all kinds of ways. bonus points if we're tying it in with voyeurism.

PRAISE: ∞/10.

FEET: 3/10. i guess i could see it in some contexts but even then it's not so much about the feet themselves as it is the display of power. no judgement to those who do like em though, and who knows? maybe someday i'll see something that changes my mind

[mibkid]

To cure ocd you basically have to accept the unknown, but in very... radical ways.

My brain: Because of this, this other thing will happen!!!!

Me: huh, ok, i guess it will?

This is my constant mood toward my intrusive thoughts when i am able to(altho it is not about me dying; think figuratively IT'S THE MOOD AND APPROACH OK):

Me rocking up to my future:

Important: the ocd is in the casket not me.

The point is, the future is unknown.

Arguing with myself about if things will happen/happened or not or anything similar is pointless, that's how you get stuck.

While i myself am aware that the chances are low, no matter which form my the intrusive thoughts shows up in, my ocd still uses whatever i obsess over and it's still distressing, of course it is!

Life with ocd is not an easy feat, but i believe that i and so many others like me will be able to find a point in their life where these thoughts are nothing more than that, thoughts. And we will be able to accept uncertainty in any form it comes in. Hopefully.

But unfortunately I will have to work hard to get there and here. And i think this is a step to doing that. No matter how "radical" it might seem to people who don't have ocd. The mood and blassé way of just going "Yeah i guess so!" or "Maybe, ok?" in that same way of the meme is a component to not letting your ocd be your guide in life.

I wish a happy recovery to those who are working on your ocd and to those who haven't started yet: i know you can get through this; you are all very strong people, and i see what you're going through, you aren't alone and i believe in you.

That's all

[unheavenlybody]

social life in shambles rant below. bye

a big part of me suspects i'm just being irrational and overly sensitive constantly agonizing over my relationships w ppl.. but on the other hand is it rly too much to ask of someone to express that they miss you/think about u or to at least show some enthusiasm abt spending time with you after a stretch of time when they claim they care abt u. all i'm getting is indifference or at best mixed signals. like i hate not seeing or rly even texting these ppl in question for weeks/months at a time but they always seem so unbothered. whenever plans are proposed they always have this air of "oh i guess we can do that if you want, but i don't really care either way"

do i fucking matter to you or what. am i someone you interact with only when you've got nothing better to do or who you reach out to out of some sense of pity/obligation? like i'm willing to acknowledge maybe i am making a problem out of nothing here. and i'm certainly not asking for them to make me the center of their universe or anything.. but it's just nice to know that i actually mean something to someone, that they value your time together and look forward to it. especially when i think abt them fairly often and miss them tons. i always have things i wanna talk to them about or songs or memes i wanna send them, places i have bookmarked for us to visit together, but i have to stop myself. the thought of sending it ends up feeling like an inconvenience. cuz i know they'll just take days to weeks to reply, or they might not even get around to it at all.

i just hate not being able to trust my own perception of things & feeling like such a lonely nonfunctional freak!!! i can't tell if it's anxiety brain making me feel as if others view it as such a chore to be around me. i try so so hard to appear chill and not needy or anxious (and probably don't succeed lol) and i'm never fully convinced that anyone likes me that much even if they say they do, cuz their actions don't always match up with their words. and ive been misled before lol. i don't expect to have access to anyone 24/7 but i already feel like i'm asking for the bare minimum and even that is not being met so :---) i just want to cry cuz it seems ppl don't put that much effort into relationships anymore. i just want to connect with someone and support each other and make each other happy sorry for the cringe byeee

idon't like to be confrontational or nitpicky and i try to appease ppl and hide my anxiety/ocd/whatever bullshit is going on in my brain so they'll like me and so i can entertain them but it gets me nowhere and i'm exhausted :-). it's my own fault for doing that and not being my true self yeah yeah i know ok. i hate feigning nonchalance but whenever i speak my mind a tiny bit i end up feeling humiliated & worried i come across as desperate. i have no one to blame but myself whatever whiny repetitive rant over goodnight

[ilov3b00kss0much]

ok I am very sorry for posting this but I really need some help. My parents are getting worse and worse and I don’t know how much longer i can handle this. They’re racist and zionist and ableist and I can not do this anymore. My mom says that picking up a Palestinian for a tramp is dangerous and when I said that was wrong, she said I can’t be so “politically correct” that I ignore the truth. The truth? The truth is that your beloved country is genociding millions of innocents. And my dad thinks that 75% of people in gaza are part of hamas. I swear to fucking god. And of course, because denying genocide isn’t enough, they decide to ignore my professionally diagnosed ocd and say I’m just being dramatic. Yeah, dramatic. Because considering su!cide every time my brother gets a cold is being dramatic and faking. They say I’m just being weird and that it got ingrained into my mind at some point that colds are dangerous and I’m just weird, it’s not ocd. Ok, I can agree. Maybe it’s not ocd. Maybe it’s something that came with being autistic (which they deny too, cuz everyone is autistic in my generation apparently and self diagnosis is awful). Maybe it’s generational trauma from my moms sister dying of cancer, which my mom didn’t bother to deal with before having children. Maybe it’s an intense fear and hatred of weakness drilled into me from a young age, which makes me long for someone who loves me while I’m vulnerable so much that I get obsessed with fanfics about characters who are always tough and funny and one day they can’t be and they break and someone catches them, and I love it because I know no one will be there to catch me. But no, it’s just me being weird. And of course, they act like allies. But they mock xenogenders. And they look at me weird when I say, “he him now please”, and my dad insists that the Torah says a man can’t lie with a man (actually it says a man can’t lie with a boy). I can’t do this for much longer. I can’t cut them off physically. I’m twelve. I don’t have a support system that’s not connected to them. But does anyone have any advice, a line to call? They’re not abusive, I’m not being abused, they’re just bad. I need to stop trusting them at the very least. Any advice?

[sickknotdoom]

this is nothing more than personal nitpicks and me being petty. here we go regardless

if i were working on sparklecare i would focus less on juvenile jokes and more on giving characters room to be characters and do things in their own way. some anon pointed out the therapyspeak. and yeah, i do get some "they would NOT fucking say it like that" vibes from a Lot of character lines in the main comic as well. they do not have communication skills that good. why are they communicating so well suddenly. kittycorn why are you mischaracterizing your own ocs

the conflict resolutions are not very good and the ending of v4 was disappointing. why was the climax the puppets kissing. was that even necessary. why not explore uni and barry's characters without the barruni spam. they're right there

also, i would revert the artstyle back to its v1 days, maybe even bits of v2. it really did have a lot more fluidity to it than it does now and the backgrounds worked better when they used to be a lot more cohesive (again, in v1). kittycorn would really benefit from taking a step back and relearning anatomy and dynamic stylization. i will forever miss doom's funky eyebrow and their pawn shape

- 🐀

agreed mostly? i dont mind the juvenile jokes as much as i used to, the people complaining about those were more annoying than the actual jokes. i feel like if a barruni volume was necessary it shouldve explored their dynamic in an interesting way that wasnt just constant funny sex haha feat puppets. the puppet being a manifestation of unis negative thoughts was interesting but like imagine if the barry one was a manifestation of barrys. they couldve done so much in the same amount of pages. people bring up "theyre having a character arc" "theyre starting off rocky" whenever i bring up barry being a dick to uni like........ ok???????? why not have that arc explored more???????? acknowledge the rockiness in the actual comic????????

id also have the equivalents of real life conditions referred to consistently. everything has some demeaning codename like "nervous nelly" as in anxiety, "checksalot" as in ocd or "ultra mega sads" as in depression, EXCEPT what kit states kit has. i know a fellow crit blog of mine brought up the fact that "if the doctors called autism some shit like meltdown countdown or stimsalot kit would get in trouble" or something like thatz and they were vouching to have every condition referred to by its actual name rather than some parody, but in all honesty i disagree. i agree with the steps leading up to their conclusion, but not the conclusion itself. i think that having EVERY real world parallel INCLUDING the ones kits been protecting (likely for fear of insensitivity) would better reflect the circumstances of the hospital, that they dont care about their patients. mood was literally writing "dont care! not one bit!" on the notepad when barry was rambling about his science special interest and medical history, this is sorta in a similar vein. (vain? idk)

artstyle honk mimimimi everybodys said that now. i really want dooms eyeliner featured more

[artsykidwolf-2000]

Happy New Year everyone and hopes to a good year bc....hehe last year was freaky deaky on a whole different level! Other than that I shall give you some joy this day in the form of....Sindri!

I have decided to give you love and happiness for this dwarf and his love that is a black dragon fae who claimed him like a coin for her horde so let's get it on!

Hope you enjoy and hopefully it's not too long!

A New Life

{An OC × Sindri Fanfic}

{Flash × Sindri}

Warnings: Trauma, "censored cursing", blood mentions, "death", OCD/Germaphobia, etc.

Rating: Fluffy with a side of sugar, spice, and everything nice....and maybe some tears {mostly mild} {embracing character roles}

★★★★★★★★★

{Flash's pov}

I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the front door open. My sisters and brother were here. All of them. My twin sister, Katerina, or Kat for short, was the first to hug me. Her slightly taller form picking me up as we embraced, I held her tightly against me as she wept.

"I thought I lost you in Greece...I'm glad you and Kratos are alright" Kat wiped her tears.

"nothing can kill this looming column of meat, and you can't get rid of me that easily!" I chuckled.

"Well the Pegasus can't always save every hero she meets!" My older sister, Terresa or Terri, hugged us both in her strong arms, " We're all glad you're alive! Right Ally?!"

My eldest sister, Alexandra or Ally, turned to me. I nearly sh*t my pants just waiting for her to beat me into the ground like a bug under a sandal but all I got was a slap to the face and then a warm embrace.

"Next time be more considerate, you have someone else that cares for you, besides I have faith you'll do the right thing" she put her hand to my cheek.

"I know...and I will..."

"Good that's all I ask" she chuckled as she stood up straight and started talking to Kratos. Military friends and all.

I soon spotted Ava talking with Sindri and Freya in the corner of my eye.

"Am I not gonna get any hugs from my little sister?"

Ava perked up and ran over to me, she may be taller than me by a inch or so but I am still her big sister. She hugged me with all her might.

"How's your magic? You getting better?" I asked.

"Y-Yes! And I have been t-training with Gavin in your absence in fighting to keep m-myself safe!" She shyly but happily said as she tucked her bright red hair behind her ear.

"Oh you have huh? Well then I think I need to claim my right as fighting instructor." I said as I turned to Gavin with a smirk, my older adopted brother.

"Not happening, besides I'm still sore from her accidentally summoning vines and branches from our last sword duel" Gavin sighed as he rubbed his shoulder.

"That's me sis! Showing him who's boss huh?!" I laughed and hugged Ava's side and smiled.

"T-Thanks sis" she giggled.

"Now why don't you talk with Atreus, he's been dying to get to know someone around his age...or mindset"

"Oh?! O-ok!" She trotted off to a very happy Atreus.

I smiled and then looked towards Sindri who looked nervous.

"You ok?"

"Yeah Yeah just a bit overwhelmed of meeting my soon to be in-laws...at least their proper and nice...and wiped their feet...and offered to help" Sindri fiddled with his hands nervously, "It's not every day that you're marrying a dragon/fae princess"

"Yeah well once we get married...I'm thinking of leaving that luxury behind some." I sighed as I stretched a bit.

"Why? It's the best thing you can do by letting them have some luxury!" Freyr chuckled as he downed some mead.

"Well I want a different pace and being out on my own for most of my life has opened my eyes some. I want us and our possible future children to live how they wanna be and to show them that everything is not handed to them. Let them adventure a little." I smiled, "Besides Tir na nog is great and all but I wanna try new things"

"Mom and Dad would be proud of that choice." Kat spoke up as she walked towards Sindri, Freya, Freyr and I, "besides they wanted me to give you this as a wedding gift" she pulls something from her pouch. It was traditional garbs from our homeland. One looked like it was meant for my wedding and another for normal use.

"Woah...Mom and Dad made this for me?"

"Yup, made from the scales of Volcano, Uncle Maato's dragon, and the wedding gard was made from the silks and water droplets of the Crystallus Tree of the Oasis so that your moment would be a part of history"

D*mn sis you about nearly made me cry more than I should. I wiped my tears. I hugged her tightly.

"oh! I nearly forgot! Sindri they also made you something!"

"They did?" He looked at Kat in question.

"Yeah they did, my husband pitched in as well since he adores you and your brother's works and he also works in a forge" Kat soon pulled out two new tool belts that my brother-in-law and his family leather worked, "I hope they do fit you two"

Sindri held his new belt and tried it on. It fit him perfectly, "it looks amazing! Such craftsmanship and attention to the gold details! Brok come here!"

Brok stumbled over here as well and tried his on. He was amazed as well, "Well I'll be...tie me up and call me a stuck boar because this is amazing!" He laughed as he traced the silver details on his.

I smiled at the two trying out their new tool belts and seeing how well they fit. Then I got to thinking. What will the wedding be like after Ragnarok...will there even be a wedding?! I don't want anyone to die or fall because of it. But...I can't think of any other time because I don't want our happiness to run short.

We had to stop Odin

With Heimdall gone it was inevitable. I couldn't shake something else from my thoughts either.

How Tyr became so...quiet

Does he know something? Keeping secrets?

Was it because I've gotten my powers back?

Was he scared of my power?

No... can't be... he's their god of war...

Unless...

"Hey Tyr you've...been awfully quiet? Having fun? Overwhelmed?" I spoke up to him from the table.

"No No just... thinking" he spoke up.

"About what? A way to Asgard? You finally gonna join us?"

"There's no way to Asgard..."

"But we have leverage, we have the mask and the horn, what else do we need?" I walked closer to him, slamming my hand lightly on the table.

He stood up and started walking, "Nothing... you'll have your peace soon one way or another..."

"My only peace right now is to settle the score with Asgard, for taking everything, the dwarves are my family as much as the others"

"They didn't take everything, they provided with what they could" Tyr turned to me with a dark tone underlying in his speech

"I know a coward when I smell one...and you smell like one...a very familiar one..." I glared into his eyes.

"Take one to know one...and I know all about you...and you never seem to take...a...HINT!" Tyr reached from his belt and pulled a knife. He swung at me as someone pushed me out the way. Once I hit the floor, I turned back to see Brok at the end of the blade.

"BROK!!!" I cried out. I caught him as everyone ran to our aid.

Odin revealed himself and grabbed Atreus.

"Release my son!" Kratos growled at Odin.

"I would've settled for more but you guys got a bargain, we're square for Heimdall..." Odin hissed.

Everyone started to argue back and forth. Soon Freya came to our aid to help. Her magic was not fast enough.

"Brok please..." Sindri cried out next to me, "You can't leave us..."

"I...I know what you've done...and I forgives ya..." Brok sputtered out, "Live on without me..."

"No...NO I won't let you die!" I cried out trying to give power to him to keep awake. That was until I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned to see my twin sister.

"Together..." She gave me a look that I knew what she meant. She kneeled next to Brok and put her hands on his wound. I put my hands over hers. Our hands and crystals began to glow red and purple.

I started focusing my energy to her and Brok. Kat started her healing spell, one that has been passed down in our family to special healers like her and our Uncle Laurence. Magic begins to draw from our crystals and the area around us. Defying the natural order takes a lot of energy. Good thing I have plenty.

My sister chants her spell as Brok's wound began to heal.

It was working.

He was gonna be ok!

Once the spell was finished, Brok began to breath again normally. Both my sister and I coughed and took heavy breaths as Sindri hugged his brother. I looked over to Odin who had let go of Atreus at the sight of me with a dark aura. I. Was. PISSED.

I looked that coward dead in the eyes and growled lowly.

"You think you'll be able to hide from my wrath...think again...because you messed with my treasure...my family...then you will face the retribution...The Wrath of the Dragon King! " I roared out at him as he escaped in his swarm of ravens.

I huffed as I turned around.

"Flash..." Ally spoke up and placed her hand on me, "Breathe"

I breathed in, as I did the scales that raised up on my back started to lower and my horns started to shrink to a miniature size. My eyes returned to normal once I opened them. I collapsed to my knees near Sindri and Brok and hugged them tightly.

"Your twin is something else...best not piss the healer off" Brok joked and it brought a chuckle to my lips.

"Sod off...and Thank you" I looked towards Kat.

"True family helps each other, no matter what, best to before it's too late." She smiled as she looked to Atreus.

"I'm so sorry Sin...we...I..." Atreus spoke through shocked tears.

"It's alright...but that fool will pay for messing with us!" Sindri patted his shoulder, "I'm tired of being left out! I want to fight!"

"Thanks Sin, and we will bring Odin down, one way or another!" Atreus smirked as he clutched the mask.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With Ragnarok gone and everyone safe it was time to tackle another mission. With the real Tyr found and survivors settled into their new realms, we decided to have the wedding in Svartalfheim. Nidavellir sounded the most appropriate since I'll be marrying a dwarf. I was nervous. I'm normally not nervous for long but this was probably what Ally and Kat said we're Pre-Wedding jitters or something.

Freya, my sisters, Angrboda, and Lunda were all helping me with my wedding outfit and my hair. It was all woven with gems, gold, and whatnot. It was past my shoulders by now and my twin decided a braid would be good with a traditional circlet.

"You look amazing Flash" Kat spoke up.

"thanks, I hope Sindri doesn't faint at the ceremony..."

"Viktor almost did with Ally with how beautiful she looked" Terri joked as Ally smacked her shoulder in jest.

"We're all rooting for you, now you have your exchange?" Ally added.

"I've been thinking about it and...I know what to give him...it's simple but it's traditional in the Draken ways."

"Oh? And what is that?" Angrboda spoke up.

"You'll see" I winked as I stood up to head to the ceremony.

The square was all decorated. People gathered to celebrate the union. Reab and others playing music as I arrived. It was all perfect.

There I saw Sindri.

He stood near Durlin and Brok with his armor all shiny in white robes. He lit up at the sight of me walking in my white garbs and bouquet of white lilies and red roses. Once I made it to him I held onto my exchange gift under my bouquet. Sindri seemed to fiddle with something before we joined hands.

"Now before anyone speaks or cheers, Let's let the love birds speak a vow before exchanging something special to them to show their sign of love and devoutness" Durlin spoke up.

"Like they need to, we all know what they have is unbreakable! No one will dare..." Brok spoke up in a grumble.

Now one said a word.

Once Durlin gave us a nod, Sindri started his vow as he held up a bracelet he forged from a piece of his armor.

"Falishia...Flash...I vow to do my best to keep you safe. I promise to be a good husband and a devout father if we ever have children. And with this enchanted bracelet your power shall never waver with the amount of magic and my love forged into it. For even with all your flaws, I still love you with all my heart, beasties and all" he spoke as he slipped the bracelet onto my right arm, a perfect fit.

Everyone awed at the sight of commitment.

Then it was my turn...

Great I'm more nervous than before.

I pulled out my gift. I woven my scales into a similar necklace to the one I usually wear. I cleared my throat as I spoke up.

"Sindri, I vow to help you and to be the strength you need in your times of need. I vow to be a loving wife and a proud mother to the future children we will one day bear. With my scales you shall never feel alone no matter how far apart we are and no dragon will harm you so long as you wear it. I love you for accepting my brutish ways and for the bond we share is unbreakable. For I am your loyal dragon until the end of our days. I love you forevermore." I said as I put the necklace on him.

I could see he was tearing up badly. I wiped his tears as Durlin spoke up as he tied a woven white and gold sash around our hands.

"With the gods as our witnesses and the love we have been shared. I now pronounce you husband and wife! You may kiss"

We leaned close to each other and leaned into a gentle kiss. Everyone cheered. The dwarves, our friends and family, everyone. Then Sindri tugged me down and pulled me into a dipped kiss in his arms. I wrapped my arms around him into a more heated kiss as I tossed my bouquet into the crowd. Lunda caught it with no problem as she smiled at Brok. His blue face turned a shade of red with embarrassment and happiness. Those two were meant for each other.

Once the ceremony was over we danced, partied and whatever else for hours on end. Sindri and I were as happy as can be. Let's just say at the end of that celebration, and a few too many drinks, we had fun back home. Don't worry, Lunda made sure Brok was away for the rest of the night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Years have passed now since those fateful days. I have decided to stay in the 9 realms...well 8 now...I think...

Anyways, I've decided to stay while my family lived on back in our homeland. It was a tough choice but it was a great one. Even though I know Sindri and the others would've loved being there, it just wasn't right just yet. Besides I had a new mission now.

Sindri and I were blessed with twins, a boy and a girl. We named them Margo and Mylo.

Margo comes from my father's native tongue meaning pearl.

Mylo was more from the realms native language meaning a soldier or merciful.

I love them with all my hearts and when they were born, both Sindri and Brok shedded tears. Lunda helped with the clothing and helping out. Brok and Sindri made cradles, toys, you name it.

Margo is a father's girl. Took mostly after him with the Dwarven genes and his hair but she caught my blue eyes. She also got my fire breath. Her little crystal was blue with gold filling the end of it.

Mylo on the other hand was struck with the "tall dwarf" gene from me. He was mostly Draken with shiny black scales with a sparkle of gold in his scales. His crystal was a red orange color with silver filling at the end. He takes a lot after me plus long dwarf arms.

They're my pride and joy and their father holds my love. I wouldn't have it any other way.

I hope for years to come

We can all cherish

"Mom?! You done writing in your journal?! I wanna go hunting!!!" Mylo whined

"I'm coming I'm coming! Go get your weapons, we're going big tonight" I chuckled.

"Why do you write in that anyway? It's not like you're going anywhere! You're too stubborn to die!"

"Yeah Yeah but it's for someone else to remember, maybe when we're all gone, maybe our descendants..." I winked.

"Telling them stories huh?" Sindri chuckled.

"One day our ways will be forgotten, and our love will be gone from this plain of living, someone has to do it. And by the Wandering Wolf the path has been laid!"

"I'd love to see what they will think of us" Margo smiled.

"Only time will tell for now let's go hunt for a momentous occasion! Happy birthday my dragonlings" I hug my twins.

"Thanks mom!" They chuckled.

"Let's go before Uncle Brok and Aunt Lunda get here!" Mylo spoke up and ran out the door with Margo behind him.

"They grow up so fast" Sindri wrapped his arm around my waist, free of his glove.

"Too fast if you ask me, We'll be back before sundown" I kissed his lips as I ran after them. Sindri waved us good-bye as the bright sun greeted us to a new dawn.

A New Life

[nightcolorz]

Tell me about the vampire living rent free in your head

Oooo I’d be happy to! *drops ancient heavy book in front of me titled “oc lore” and blows a thick covering of dust off of it* wooooo ok. His name is Lucian, but to me he is Lucy 🫶. Lucy I came up with when I was a preteen maybe, very long ago, before I was very familiar with vampires or had read any of tvc. So any similarities with canon characters r just edgy tween me and Anne Rice having similar taste lol. 

Lucy was turned into a vampire in medieval Europe, he was a peasant and son of a priest growing up. He was turned by his secret gay lover who was subsequently burned at the stake Salem witch style, and Lucy fucked off and ate deer and shit in the forest for a couple centuries until he was roused into the real world by a child in the 1970s. He’s v gentle and loving, just has a very nurturing personality. He likes planting + gardening and caring for animals to prove to himself that he’s capable of being good and caring u know as a vampire. He’s got some v bad ocd and has had his entire life severe compulsions about being a good person and not harming others. Not the best mental health issue for a vampire to have. I strongly associate him with fire, bcus fire destroys vampires, so he identifies with fire and utilizes it a lot bcus representation of how he rejects vampirism and also is v self destructive and ?? Religious trauma ?? Hell?? Yeah he’s got a lot going on uh. His dead bf called him Lily bcus lilies symbolize purity/innocence and his bf had this philosophy that Lucy was one of the few “pure” ppl out there bcus despite his technical sins his priority was kindness and empathy which isn’t a priority for many religious ppl who shame others for being impure. Yeah but then he died whoops.

As you can probably guess Lucian also has a funky relationship with gender, since I’ve been calling him Lucy this entire time lol. Yeah he’s not trans or Transfem, I don’t think he’d identify with or understand the lgbtq community or labels or anything. He considers himself a man but also admires and loves the soft and gentle aspects of femininity and identifies with those more than any traditional forms of masculinity. He also has autism and v big autism creature eyes, strawberry blonde hair and cute lil freckles, and a tendency to slip into old English occasionally if he’s not paying attention. He’s my special lil guy but idk what to do with him lol. Thank you for asking lol I haven’t talked about Lucy in so long!

[dutyworn]

@serabellyms said: 🦊 What is the ambiance like, where you are? Are there any sounds, or sights that might be distinctive? 🐸 Something that makes you smile for fandom reasons? 🦚 Last moment you felt proud? Or, any moment you have! 🍼Do you have a comfort food?

In Depth and Personal Munday meme / ACCEPTING ↷

🦊 What is the ambiance like, where you are? Are there any sounds, or sights that might be distinctive? :: This moment - neighbours have been loud for several hours for whatever reason now? I live in an apartment building with three outdoor access points, so while the building has a lot more units, my stairwell only has nine. I have a family with a couple? a few? kids downstairs, and a studio nextdoor and share wall/floor with nobody else (I am on the top floor). So I don't know WHOM I am hearing. I've never seen the studio neighbour nor do I hear them almost at all; I hear the downstairs kids often but it's like regular 70s house "you hear everything from your downstairs neighbour's bathroom as if it was happening in your bathroom" kind of a thing, not something that often bothers me at all. (Thankfully the first time I heard TODDLERS GIGGLING AS IF IN MY BATHROOM I already knew they were the actual real life non ghost kids of downstairs in their own unit, and I was not being haunted lolol.)

Hearing like, adult noises for hours now, though. Maybe they're having a party? On a Monday evening? Or someone's having a gathering in the stairwell, who knows...

As for sights, I'm just sitting at my desk in my bedroom with a blank wall in front of me. If I'm on the PC, I usually don't have any noise on purpose, and I often keep my headphones on to muffle any possible hallway noises from neighbours, without playing anything from the headphones (can't focus if there's music; if I listen to music I am likely ONLY doing that and nothing else).

I do have some fairy lights next to me, and more fairy lighs in the living room and kitchen, etc. I live alone, so generally it's quiet unless I am the one making the noise. We have less than six hours of daylight currently with the sun setting before 3pm so fairy lights are a must every winter even if I usually store them away during the lighter times.

🐸 Something that makes you smile for fandom reasons? :: When new people play Mass Effect for the first time and liveblog it. You get to observe them going insane. The cycle must continue.

🦚 Last moment you felt proud? Or, any moment you have! :: Uhh. Maybe when I cleaned the bathroom last? It's one of my least favourite chores and I have over a decade of history with executive dysfunction and hygiene OCD both making keeping the house clean really hard, so I usually feel pleased with myself anytime I clean.

🍼 Do you have a comfort food? :: Not in a wholesome sense, really. In a binge eating sense, yeah, but that's behaviour learned in foster care to comfort myself with food when I had no safe adults around me. So I binge eat, and it's specific types of foods, but I don't think I am capable of having true comfort foods since my eating behaviours are so disordered. Like it's OK, and I genuinely love food, not a big deal, but I think it disqualifies everything as true comfort foods.