#Oh and also it's menstrual health day so thats cool

[beanswrites]

Happy birthday beans :D

Idk your birthday so I have this genius plan to greet you happy birthday every day until it is your birthday >:D

????

Not?? My birthday?? Yet??

Idk man that's a lot of days to say happy birthday but that's so sweet!!!😭😭😭💕💕

When's your birthday, Rai??

hint for mine: my birthday is on the official hamburger day and the song "Eye Of The Tiger" was for the first time released on it :DD

[dreamingabouttaron]

History Repeating - Part 3

Trigger Warning - Mentions of Unplanned Teenage Pregnancy and Vomit.

It took a couple of weeks for the tension in the Egerton household to cool down. Little sparks to arguments would abrupt out of nowhere due to the added stress that had been piled onto the family. Everyone tried to pretend everything was normal. You tried the hardest. Distracting yourself with school, homework, spending time with friends— you really tried. You had too. Even half-assing your attempt at normalcy would be enough to stop your emotions from crushing you. You felt like you were on a constant battle with your anxiety, which wasn’t helping your nausea.

You slowly walked down the stairs to find Taron sprawled out on the sofa. He was absentmindedly staring at the background on his phone, which you knew was an old throwback photo of the three of you, it was one he hadn’t changed for years. The picture always made him smile. As you stood silently watching, you felt your stomach lurch and bile rise up into your throat. Holding a hand firmly to your mouth, you stumbled your way back up the stairs, and hurry to the nearest toilet. Even though the distance between the stairs and the bathroom wasn’t very long, you barely made it to the toilet before you start vomiting. And it was probably the most intense vomiting session you’d ever had.

It only took a few minutes before you felt your dads calming presence by your side. He quickly grabbed your hair and hushed gentle words of support in your ear. Just like he had every single time you got sick. Just like he had with Lily. He ran his hand smoothly across your back making you instantly feel better. Once you finally finished, and were no longer dry heaving, you leant back on your knees. You try to catch your breath, brushing some tiny strands of hair from your sweaty face.

“Better?” Taron asked as you finally opened your eyes. You slowly nod your hair, not wanting to make any rapid movements incase they brought on another round of vomiting. Your dad had been there every step of the way, just like he had promised you. “Here, drink this.” He said as he pressed a cold glass to your lips. You took small sips of the water, washing the taste from your mouth. “Let me go and make you a green tea, you can sip on it in the car on the way to your appointment.”

You were thankful he was going to be there with you at your first appointment that afternoon. You didn’t think you could manage it on your own. While you were excited to go, you also felt nervous. What if something goes wrong? You can’t help but wonder — worry — that something will go horribly wrong and you’re not ready to deal with that. Certainly not on your own.

When you arrived for your appointment, you went over and signed in before relaxing into the waiting room with your dad. You looked around at all the other expectant parents. You could feel Taron stiffen as he looked around too. He was nervous for you. He wasn’t ready to become a grandparent in his late 30’s. Hell he thought his wife was pregnant not his daughter. But if he hadn’t got Lily pregnant so early, he wouldn’t be in this situation. Yet, he wouldn’t change it for the world. You were his world.

Fifteen minutes later your name was called and you both followed a tall thin lady into a room. You sat on the edge of the bed as you swung your feet back and forth looking at all the posters on the walls that talked about pregnancy, cervical dilation, and menstrual cycles. A few moments later; gentle knock on the door makes you flinch, your eyes snapping to the door as you watched it open. An older woman, with grey dark hair and a kind face, comes in and looks at you and Taron.

“Hi,” she says. “Grace?” You nod, she gives a warm smile, closes the door and sits across from you. “Hello, I’m Mary, I will be your ultrasound technician today. And this is…” She slowed her speech down as she looked to Taron with thin eyes.

“Hello, I’m her dad. I’m here for moral support.” He said as he replied with a short sharp smile.

“Wonderful.” She replied before turning back to you. She explained everything that was going to happen. It had been worked out that you were about 9-10 weeks pregnant. You sat and listened, trying to take in everything that she was saying. She instructs you to lie back against the bed. You lift your shirt up and flinch from the cold gel as it makes contact with your skin. You gulp with anxiety. Your eyes dart across the white clinical ceiling. Taron got up from his chair and went to the side of the bed, grabbing hold of his daughters hand before raising to place a gentle kiss on the back of it.

You both sat in silence watching every move the technician made on your flat stomach. It took you a moment to realise that you were holding your breath. You closed your eyes and tried to relax into the moment the best you could. You kept them closed until you heard your dad release a little audible gasp. You opened your eyes and looked at the tiny form on the screen.

“That’s it right?” You questioned with a slight shake in your voice.

“Yep, that’s your baby.” She replied with a smile on her face. As you stared at the screen, it filled you with such joy, you couldn’t even begin to put it into words.

“Can we hear the heartbeat?” Taron asked, as he squeezed your hand.

“Sure. Let me just…” Mary pushed a button and within seconds the sounds of the baby’s heart beating echo around the room. “That sounds like a very strong heartbeat to me.”

“Wow.” Was all you could say. You felt tears forming in your eyes. You had made that. That was your baby. Yours.

“It’s pretty amazing, isn’t it?” Taron asked whilst rubbing the top of your hand. “I remember when I heard your heartbeat for the first time.”

“Tan, are you okay?” Lily whispered turning to Taron who was loudly tapping his foot on the squeaky floor.

“Oh, um, yeah, everything's fine. All good. Are you okay?”

The second those words escaped his lips, he couldn't help but feel guilty. He wasn’t even sure why. It's not like he was lying. But he was feeling nervous. Really nervous. But that was normal right? Because according to the books he'd been reading, first time parents - or any parents actually - felt nervous for this. To be fair, it was more like a 'good' nervous; where he's happy and eager, but still getting butterflies in his stomach.

But the bottom line was that he's happy and excited. And why wouldn't he be? It's the first time he was going to see his baby, and he has been looking forward to this day ever since learning about Lily’s pregnancy. It's still weird to him - they're having a baby. A baby! A tiny little version of them.

Thats when it hit them - the sound they've been waiting to hear. Taron and Lily both had that classic excited-but-nervous expression on their faces. There's one moment when they try to laugh, but then they immediately go back to being serious. They just listen to the pattern - dum-dum-dum-dum-dum…

“I-Is that…?” Taron started. His face must have been a picture.

“That’s your baby's heartbeat,” the doctor answered with a smile, already anticipating the question. “And that, right there, is your baby.”

They both turned their attention to the monitor in front of them, the doctor pointing at a particular spot. To put it simply, there's a little blob that seems to be moving infrequently and producing the sound that is reverberating off the walls in the room. But that blob and that sound was Lily and Taron's world. That was the product of their love for each other. The start of their life together.

“That's the baby?” Lily says gently. It wasn't intended as a question, but that's way it came out because she can't believe it either. There's a baby!

“That's right. And so far everything looks good and healthy... I'll give you two some time alone.” They silently thanked the doctor as she left them alone, with the image of their baby still on the screen. The parents still in awe. They didn’t blink once. Not wanting the image to suddenly disappear. They'd read books on pregnancy, and they'd watched shows with a pregnancy plot line, and they'd been told by their own mothers how it feels. But none of those were able to compete with this feeling that they had. The warmth, the love. Lily was barely able to hold it all together, letting the happy tears stream down her cheeks the moment the couple are alone. “That’s our baby T,' Lily whispered while trying to compose herself.

But Taron didn’t respond. He was transfixed on the monitor. Not showing any emotion either, which wasn't like him. “That’s our baby…” He murmured in disbelief.

You and Taron got to see and hear the baby for a few more minutes as the technician took photographs for you to keep. A few moments later the technician turned off the machine and handed you a paper towel to wipe the gel off your stomach. “Everything looks good.” She hands you a line of ultrasound pictures, and you feel a whirlwind of emotions inside you. Taron smiles at you as get sit back up on the bed, “You’ll have another appointment in a few weeks time, in the meantime I want you to start taking these prenatal vitamins, these with help with the development of the baby as well as your health during the pregnancy.”

“Okay. Thank you.” You say as you jump off the bed and collect your belongings.

“No problem. I’ll see you guys soon. Have a good rest of the day.” She guides you out of the room. You thank her and leave the room with the Ultrasound pictures in your trembling hands.

You and your dad walk silently back to the car. You climb into the passenger side, still staring down at the pictures of your little blob. You felt like you were having an out of body experience. You couldn’t believe it. Taron turned the engine of the car on and turned to look at you before driving off. He leant over and placed a little kiss on the top of your head.

“Come on. Let’s go and show your mum.” You looked over at him and smiled. You couldn’t have done this without him.

Tag list -

@writingformany

[sarahjewell-blog1]

Its been 5 months..

Since I started this blog. Whuut! I figured it was time for a review... lots of positive things have happened since and I would like to share not only whats changed in my home, but my mindset, those around me, and so on!

What have I managed? 

1. My shopping habits and choices have changed.

I don’t clothes shop constantly any more! As old home/bathroom/kitchen items wear out/break I replace them with eco alternatives. By the way this means my home is slowly becoming beautiful - because wood, rice hull, bamboo, glass and stainless steel are all BEAUTIFUL materials. bonus! I also, by way of researching the credentials of my purchases scrupulously, have started to choose ‘happy’ products - which are fairtrade, made locally/by artists, or giving people better quality of life/pay etc. 

2. I feel happier

This sounds weird! But this lifestyle change is also somehow a hobby?! I cant explain it, but because I feel passionately about it (moreso as time goes on) I get great happiness from acting on my knowledge, sharing what I know, and living in it. Buying period products and toothbrushes now makes me happy. You dont get that from a plastic brush!

3. People I know take interest

Most people I know have taken anything between passing interest and total fascination with my journey. You know the people not to bother instantly and thats fine, but most people think its cool, and a fair amount will be inspired to make an eco decision of their own. This bit is SO amazing, and I love it. Especially seeing them happy too! EVERY little helps. My other half, who I have to mention here, has been amazing for this. He has taken interest, makes eco decisions all the time, is happy to join me, and always supportive and that has been GOLDEN. Hes my partner in crime! (he also keeps telling me to open up a zero packaging store...#vicariousliving !)

4. My health

Everything is related, and lots of the sites/blogs I have looked at are big on healthy eating and 50 kilo kilners of chickpeas they turn into fancy stuff! I am certainly not at this stage yet, but my food choices have been affected. I try and eat less biscuits, crisps, and have just started removing palm oil from my diet because OH MY GOODNESS its the devil. I have more pre/probiotics (hello ACV!) and have removed dairy milk and honey from my diet. Now I am trying to cut as much refined sugar out as possible. Some of these things are hard and a slow process, but it makes the little victories even better :)

5. It isn’t always plain sailing!

I’ve had a couple of problems along the way, mainly with bathroom products. Soap shampoo has been a battle I have had to admit defeat with. I have tried 4 different types, all of which did horrible things to my hair. ACV makes your hair lovely and shiny but using it every day became tedious and stinky, so I only use it as an extra boost now. Natural conditioners dont work, and even my Faith in Nature doesnt really do the job. I also found out that a lot of face care uses ingredients that has palm oil derivatives in, at which point I decided to stop and remember that going green is a gradual process and that this was a big issue I needed to attack at a different time! So I’m currently in the market for a conditioner that works on dry, flyaway hair. 

I am still getting my head around natural deodourant. I shower in the evenings so a crystal stick wont keep me stink free all next day, but spray ones are SO expensive. I may just have to start showering in the morning!

Another problem Im still dealing with is finding the right menstrual cup. I feel bad about using tampons, but as with the hair care - you can find a middle ground that makes you eco-happy and body-happy. TOTM have deffo done that for me. 

6. It IS more expensive.

My OH and I did one entirely organic shop and basically decided never again. We’re now picky about what we get - things I find ethically/morally necessary to purchase organic/fairtrade, and things that we can afford. The stuff we can’t afford/is evil I dont buy.. which I am totally okay with. Going Green isnt about Going Bankrupt. It mostly balances out - buying more expensive shampoo goes with a WAY cheaper bar of body/hand soap. Wooden/glass/stainless steel stuff lasts longer and can be cared for better than plastic. 4 plastic dish sponges vs one wooden scrubber with replacable brush head. One metal drink bottle vs buying a single use plastic one every time you leave the house. You get the picture. The main equaliser: buy your clothes and furniture from charity shops you are saving an absolute s**t ton of money. Laughing all the way to the bank ;)

6. In conclusion!

I love the journey I am going on - my OH has been great, my friends take an interest and even send me links to articles(!), I get pleasure from the usually mundane choices we make, I have to research and hunt and think, and it always pays off, and that feels GREAT. Actually, it all feels great. You guys should definitely give it a bash. I will give you some starter tips in my next post ;)