#OKAY THIS WAS JUST SUPPOSED TO BE A SIMPLE STICKER DESIGN FOR MYSELF BUT I GOT CARRIED AWAY LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[veevoosh]

summer???

I HARDLY KNOW 'ER !!!!

( i cannot draw backgrounds or patterns so thank you so much for the funny free stock images on the internet ))

[the-himawari]

A3! Usui Masumi - Translation [SSR] Letter Destination (3/3)

*Please read disclaimer on blog; default name set as Izumi

---

Masumi: (This place is huge and has a wide selection of products just like Madoka said.) (There’s so many different types of letter paper from their designs, sizes, and shapes. It’s hard to choose…) (Now that I think about it, the letter paper I was using before had a heart design. It really had a “love letter” vibe.) (Maybe that wasn’t the best choice…?) (…I’ll choose something simpler and more sophisticated this time.)

-pause-

Masumi: (…I feel like this one’s too plain now. Maybe I can make it better by sticking some trendy stickers onto it.) (Oh god, there’s too many types of stickers to choose from too…) (Ah… maybe something like this would work.) …A heart. (Wait, no…) (Come to think of it, the fan letter Director got also had a lot of different stickers decorating it.) (Like hearts, stars, flowers, and some kind of character…) (…I wonder if she likes things like that.) (But I also don’t want to do the exact same thing myself.) …*Sigh*. I have no idea what to do anymore.

Tsuzuru: Masumi?

Masumi: …Tsuzuru. Why are you here?

Tsuzuru: I heard from Madoka that this place has a great selection of books. Come to think of it, this place is close to your university, huh? Masumi… are you perhaps looking for a letter set for your letter to Director?

Masumi: …I’m lost.

Tsuzuru: (I think you’ve been lost for a while now, buddy…)

Masumi: I tried going with a simple, sophisticated-looking letterhead. But then I thought that was too plain, so I’d stick some stickers on it. And right after that, I got stuck picking out the stickers…

Tsuzuru: Well, you’re writing this letter to make Director happy, aren’t you? You, Masumi, should know even better than the fans on what to write and what kind of letter set would put a smile on her face.

Masumi: …

Tsuzuru: You should write a letter to make Director happy that only you can write and accomplish.

Msaumi: (A letter to make Director happy that only I can write and accomplish…) Something that makes Director happy… something that Director loves… …Ah. (…Okay. I think I found what I need.) …You’re nosy.

Tsuzuru: Huh?

Masumi: …Thanks.

Tsuzuru: I can’t hear you. …Well, that’s how you always thank us.

Masumi: ?

Tsuzuru: It’s nothing.

-pause-

Izumi: (Hold on, is there stuff in the mailbox?) (A community notice, a flyer from the curry shop I always frequent, and…) …Is this a letter for me? (Wow, there’s stickers of curry and Little Miss Curry stuck among the flowers and hearts!) Fufu, what an adorable envelope. I wonder if this is also from a curry restaurant? It looks like it’s handmade though… The sender is—“Usui Masumi”!? (Inside is… a regular letter. But it feels a lot thinner than the ones I’ve gotten before.)

*opens*

Izumi: “On the 4th, the mushroom cheese curry was full of mushroom flavour. But thanks to the spices and cheese, it tasted exquisitely delicious.” “I felt the synergy between the ingredients and the spices.” “On the 7th, the meat and beans in the chickpea keema curry had just the right size and texture to compliment the rice. It was so delicious, I ate 3 bowls." Are these his thoughts about my curry…? Ahh, what to do? I’m so happy…! (The last page says…) “Thank you for your delicious curry (and other dishes) as always. Your food and your smile make me happy.” “I love it the most in the world.” Fufu. Thank you, Masumi-kun. I’ll treasure this letter. …I suppose I’ll write him back a reply.

---

previous |

[hannahbisssssss]

would you be willing to do a nadja (wwdits obviously) x gender-neutral reader perhaps?

Of course~

Nadja of Antipaxos X Gender-Neutral/Non-Binary Reader

- You meet Nadja as a human fashion designer.

- She came in looking for someone to help her “brighten up the wardrobe,” as Guillermo puts it.

- She’s quite patient and still while you measure her, allowing you to make sure you get all of the proper measurements.

- You tell her that you think she is best suited for neutral tones and/or Halloween-esque colors. Purples and oranges and all that jazz.

- Though she is quite stubborn at first, she eventually gets along with the idea of having a bit of a brighter wardrobe.

- She ESPECIALLY likes the purple shawl you pick out for her to wear over her usual black attire.

- “It’s simple and it’s fitting… I suppose I won’t murder you, human.”

- Okay… odd for her to call you a human when she is also a human (right?) she just has pointier-than-normal teeth (right?)

- WELP

- Turns out, Nadja is an ancient Grecian vampire with a lot on her plate with all of her roommates

- She breaks the news to you quite suddenly on your first meet-up (date?) after the clothing fitting.

- “I’m a vampire, my sweet.”

- She is quite adamant about letting you know this information, because when you laugh at her obvious joke, she grabs your hand and gives it a tight squeeze.

- “Darling, I’m not lying… I’m a vampire, watch!”

- She goes and take a bite out of a passerby and you try your best not to scream.

- She may or may not have hypnotized you into not freaking out.

- Either way, when she took you home later that night, she gave you the time and space to think through your feelings.

- Before she goes off to slumber when morning comes, you decide to share a bit of information with her.

- “Tit for tat-“

- “You want to see my tits?”

- “No! I mean, kind of, I mean-“

- She takes your nervousness as a sign that you really like her.

- Which is true.

- “Nadja, I just thought I’d share something about myself with you so we can be on a similar level.”

- “Alright-“

- You take a while to get out the information

- “Well, spit it out you silly boy!”

- “Nadja, I’m non-binary.”

- She blinks.

- “Non-binary?”

- “Yes. I don’t use he/him or she/her pronouns. I use They/them pronouns. I’m not a boy or a girl. I’m non-binary.”

- “Oh… well what took you so long to share? That’s not ridiculous.

- Gods help you if you want her to remember your pronouns off the bat.

- Nadja is the sweetest vampire alive (or dead?) but she has a tendency to forget little details on occasion.

- “What is it my sweet girl?”

- “Nadja, I’m not a girl, remember?”

- “Oh right! Non-binary!”

- She gets the hang of it after a month or so.

- You go out on another date and someone misgenders you.

- “THEY’RE NON-BINARY, THANK YOU VERY MUCH YOU SILLY STUPID IDIOT!”

- She’s such an ally after this.

- I mean.

- She literally has a non-binary flag sticker on her coffin to show her support.

- It really is the most adorable thing ever.

[airi-p4]

Spark joy

Hi! I wrote a new short fic. It's the one I shared for this past Six Sentence Sunday.

Enjoy?

Summary:

When Alya and Sabine scold Marinette, she finally cleans up and tidies her room.

…and her heart.

AO3

_____________________________

It all started with her best friend's comment:

"Girl, I have no idea how you plan to find anything in this mess! No wonder you lose and forget everything!"

…Which her mother's scolding seconded:

"Marinette, what's with this mess!? I know it’s summer vacation but you should tidy up your room. C'mon! Clean it up!"

"But-" the girl tried to protest, but was interrupted.

"If you don't, then I'll do it myself. And I'll throw away whatever I feel like. Don't come crying to me if you miss something!" 

Marinette knew from the hands on her hips, the annoyed brows and the threatening tone, that she was being serious.

"No, please! Don't throw anything away! I'll do it!"

"Tomorrow is Sunday. I want to see everything clean and tidy by the end of the day!"

"Okay…"

___

They were both right: her room was untidy. 

A total mess. 

But how was she supposed to tidy up her room? All cupboards, drawers and boxes were already stuffed. Where was she supposed to put all her new staff in these conditions?

A visit to Mylene's house that Saturday afternoon gave her a completely new impression.

Minimalistic. Green. Tidy.

Pretty. 

"Wow, Mylene. Your room is so clean and tidy!" Marinette admired it, looking around. "How do you always keep it so nice?"

"Have you ever heard of 'the life-changing magic of tidying up'? Or Marie Kondo?"

Mylene opened her eyes with a new vision of the world.

___

The main idea of Mylene's advice to tidy up her room was easy: 

You ask yourself a question about a certain item: "does it spark joy to you?" 

If the answer is "yes," it stays, if the answer is "no," it goes away.

Moreover, it is important to take notice of how your body reacts to the object. 

Tidying up with this method consists of repeating this process until only items that spark joy remain.

Simple. 

Even Marinette should be able to do it.

She decided to try it out.

Back at home, she started with the items on her desk.

The sewing machine, the fabrics, the accessories, the glitter, the buttons, the measuring tape, the scissors… all the sewing tools and supplies- they all sparked joy. They were clearly staying.

Her school books and homework… they didn't spark joy. But those were obligations- responsibilities-, just like her earrings. She couldn't throw them away (even if she secretly wished to sometimes).

Her drawing tools and crafting materials; stickers, washi tapes, patterned paper and sketchbooks… They were all surely staying. So much joy in drawing and designing!

She continued looking around when her little friend approached.

"What about this, Marinette?" Tikki asked, carrying a dusty exotic mask around. "I don't think you need this…"

"No! Don't throw it away, Tikki!" She quickly grabbed it. "I got this from one of grandma Ginna's trips! I have to keep it!" 

"Does it spark joy, then?"

"It does! Well, not exactly, but we had a welcome party for her that day, and papa baked a cake that day. It brings back good memories!" She fondly recalled. "The mask stays. And so do all of granny Ginna's souvenirs!"

"What about Ginna's candy…?" 

"Oh- Ugh… I thought I had gotten rid of all of them…" she made a disgusted expression. "Definitely doesn't spark joy. We're throwing them. It's not a secret anymore that I don't like them so…"

"That's true," Tikki nodded, throwing the candy inside the trash bin. 

Marinette moved to her cupboard next.

"All my clothes obviously stay!"

"Aren't these too small for you, Marinette?" Tikki asked at the sight of child sized outfits.

"They are, but I plan to reuse them for creating new pieces of clothing- giving them a second life. There's that '3R: recycling, reuse and reduce' event that Mylene promotes coming soon. We gotta do what we can to save the planet!"

Tikki nodded with a grin, and proceeded to imitate Marinette's arms in a cross shape pose, ready to say a tv program's motto in unison:

"Little changes are powerful!"

They laughed together as they continued tidying up.

___

"My bed!" Marinette jumped, wiggling her legs. "The cat plushie is obviously staying!" She hummed happily. "And the books and the night light too!" She collected and put them back on the shelf.

"Comfy" Tikki muffled snuggling the long cushion. 

Marinette giggled at her cuteness. 

“Should I throw my alarm clock away…?” she asked, cheekily. “Marinette, don’t!”

“I’m joking, Tikki!” She laughed at the kwami’s protest.

"Okay, next is-" 

Her heart skipped a beat, and suddenly, her mood dropped- body tense and mouth turning into a flat line.

"What's wrong, Marinette?" Tikki asked. But then she looked where Marinette was staring at and she understood.

The cork board… and the photos.

"Oh…"

Adrien's photos had been there for a long time. Since that rainy day when he gave her his umbrella and that thunder struck some months ago- and when she (and her friends, including Tikki) had convinced herself that it had been love at first sight, just because of a nice one-time gesture. 

Since then, she had done some crazy things to get Adrien's attention- some on her own and some others encouraged by others- all of them with the same result: a fiasco. Only embarrassment and humiliation from her part. 

It was tiring.

Plus the model boy had never paid special attention to her anyway… 

Well, except-

The lucky charm Adrien gave her for her birthday. 

Right- she hadn't cleaned up that drawer yet…

He did put effort into it, since it was handmade. 

For a "friend," he had said. 

It was so obvious he didn't feel anything more for her. 

The current question was: "Do these photos spark joy?"

She went into deep thought.

"Marinette? What are you thinking?"

"Tikki, I think… I think Adrien's photos do not spark joy"

"What?"

"I can't recall what's good about Adrien anymore, Tikki. All the girls' plans to get closer to him always fail and I get humiliated or embarrassed in front of him and everyone else as a result. People think I’m crazy… Geez- I can't even articulate a single word or talk to him like a normal person at all!" She sighed. "And after the failure with the statue at the wax museum…" that was probably the last straw. Too much. A turning point.

Tikki looked at her in concern.

"I don't know, Tikki. I think loving Adrien doesn't spark joy to me anymore. At all"

"But, Marinette-!" The kwami gasped.

"You've just seen it, Tikki! Whenever I look at these photos, my mood darkens and I get sadder, anxious, uncomfortable-" she took a deep breath. "Yes, both these photos and going after Adrien do not spark joy" she looked at Tikki. "I'm getting rid of the photos"

"Are you sure…?"

"I'm sure"

"What about the lucky charm? Are you going to throw it away, too?" 

"I don't know… I think I'll keep it. At least for now? I hate throwing presents and gifts away, honestly. I even keep all of Manon's ugly drawings and stones or sticks she picked up at the park because I'd feel bad for throwing them away! So I'll keep the lucky charm hidden in a drawer as a birthday present from a classmate, nothing more" 

"You know what, Marinette?"

"Hm?"

"I think this might be one reason why you're so untidy! You can't throw away the presents you've been given!"

"Tikki!" Marinette pouted at the kwami's laugh before joining her. "I think you're right…" she added, remembering a messy little pottery figure Kim gave her many years ago lying somewhere deep inside a drawer. Was it a dolphin? A snake? A monkey? Perhaps a pigeon…? Why did she even keep it if she had no idea what it was supposed to be? 

Yes, Tikki was absolutely right about her incapacity to keep her room tidy…

"Let's get rid of these photos first. I think it's time to tidy my heart as well" 

Tikki didn't question her- she could tell that the girl had set her resolve. Supportively, she helped her remove and throw them away.

___

With Adrien's photos gone (except the one with the whole class), Marinette could finally smile while looking at her corkboard. 

Photos of her with her best friend, Alya, the girls, her friends and classmates, her family, and-

It took her few seconds to realize the extra spark a certain photo caused her: 

Luka

This amazing, patient boy who was always there for her, who had been nothing but respectful and nice towards her and sometimes it even felt like their minds and hearts were completely in sync. A boy who was sweet, caring, that made her laugh and, more importantly, a true friend. Maybe a bit more than that since he… he had confessed his feelings for her some time ago- with the most beautiful words she had ever heard. She blushed at the memory, her heart beating faster. 

That alluring revelation had made her happy. 

Very happy.

And so, looking at Luka's photo felt like-

Joy.

A great amount of joy. 

Fireworks.

He never failed to bring a smile to her face (and redness to her cheeks, too).

"I guess this certain photo does spark joy, then?" Tikki teased her human friend.

"Tikki!" She flustered.

"I guess it stays?" 

"Yes, it stays. He absolutely stays" Marinette smiled warmly at his image. 

That's right, he had been busy lately and barely met up or talked. She didn't want to interrupt his summer music course but… 

She missed him.

Maybe- she could try to give him a call…? Or send him a message?

Yes, that would be nice.

A warm smile spread on her face as she typed.

'Hi Luka'

'I know you're busy with your music course and I hope I'm not disturbing you but I was wondering if you had time to talk…?'

'I mean-!'

'It doesn't have to be now! Just whenever you find the time? If you feel like it?'

Was this okay? What if she'd just disturbed him? She didn't have time to overthink it since a new message arrived on her phone.

'Hello, Marinette'

'You're not disturbing me'

'And for you, I can always make the time'

'What's up? :)'

Gosh- she loved that about him… And his eyes… and his smile..

Wait- don’t get distracted! 

Focus, Marinette!

‘I wanted to tell you something,’ she texted.

Luka: ‘Sure. What is it?’

Marinette: ‘You spark joy’

Luka: ‘???’

Luka: ‘I spark joy?’

Marinette: ‘Yes!’ 

Marinette: ‘A lot of joy!’

Luka: ‘???’

Luka: ‘What’s this about?’

Luka: ‘What am I missing…?’

Luka: ‘I can almost hear you giggling on the other side of the phone’

He wasn't wrong. She was giggling.

This boy lived on the Liberty, a houseboat that was a hundred times untidier and messier than her own room. She didn't expect him to know much about tidying up- even though she knew he and his sister Juleka secretly cleaned when Anarka was out. 

Besides, Marinette really couldn't picture the Captain asking herself if all that junk she had around sparked joy- the image alone was very funny in her head.

Luka: ‘So you're really not going to tell me? I'm curious now’ 

Marinette: ‘Fine, I'll tell you’

Marinette: ‘But only if you agree to go out with me the next day you’re free!’

Gosh-! She did it! She asked him out!

Luka: ‘Sure. I'd love to’

Luka: ‘I'm free on Wednesday’

Marinette: ‘Wednesday it is!’

Luka: ‘Cool :)’

Marinette: ‘It's a date ;) ’

…

There was a long pause. 

Did she break him (hopefully)? Was he squealing like she had just briefly done after sending the message? Kicking his feet as she did too, a moment ago? Or maybe he was more the type to yell at the pillow…? 

She didn't scare him, did she…?

Her heart was beating fast with anticipation. 

And his reply arrived.

It was a short audio with some happy guitar notes. 

Luka: ‘Great!’

Luka: ‘I’m looking forward to it! :D ’

She giggled happily as Tikki hugged her. 

Marinette: ‘I'll bring macarons!’

Luka: ‘Awesome!’

He sent another audio, this time longer, filled with more happy guitar tunes.

Both of their silly smiles didn’t leave their faces for the rest of the day.

By the evening, her room was clean and tidy to Sabine's surprise and delight. 

What Marinette’s mother didn’t know yet was that her heart was also clean and tidy, probably even more than her room. At some point, she should really throw away all these useless presents she still collected… Sooner rather than later, probably. 

It still amazed her how, with just the removal of a few photos, her heart felt much happier and lighter, filled with a great amount of joy towards a wonderful blue-haired boy as she excitedly awaited their date on Wednesday.

Little changes were powerful, indeed.

Fin

[doctorguilty]

My latest vograce order is here! The one with a few experimental items and samples!

First thing here in the video is a random premade sample of a wooden shaker charm. So they sent me this one here, with some plastic beads inside. And I must say, while I like the typical glitter shaker charms, the sound this makes is really lovely! I was surprised, because the sample photo showed a shaker with smaller designed pieces inside and no beads, so I didn't even realize that was something uniquely offered with the wood shakers. I can absolutely see myself designing things this material will lend itself well to.

Next up I got a single custom sample (did not realized they offered custom samples until recently ;w;" ) of a basic wooden keychain, and since they offered a few different wood type options I chose ashwood for this one. and I chose some artwork I did for my partner, so I could gift this keychain to it <3

I didn't know what to expect but I was pleasantly surprised by the quality and look of this. There does appear to be some kind of finish on top of the print to prevent it from just getting scratched off. If you run your finger on top, you can feel the texture of the wood underneath, so it's not perfectly smooth like acrylic, but this is something I really like the organic look of. The one major stipulation is the sides dont seem to be sealed, so I doubt this is waterproof. it would probably be okay getting some raindrops on it, but a downpour? I don't know. I suppose I can experiment with the wooden shaker sample I don't mind ruining to see how it holds up against water.

Overall though I really love this, and while I don't think it will fully replace acrylic for some things, I would really love making new items with wood.

Finally, I simply used my shop logo to try out making some mini wooden pins and actually these really came out more exciting than I thought. I chose pine for the wood for these, so it's a little lighter than the ashwood! I think this looks GREAT for the purpose of making nature themed items, bugs, plants, mushrooms, this is the perfect material hands down. like when comparing the acrylic caterpillar charm I did, it just felt... idk, it just didn't seem fully Right to me but I didn't know what was missing.

this could most definitely go on a piece of clothing but one thing I totally didn't consider until having it in front of me is how perfect it would be as a pushpin! Look how cute that is!!!!

way more lightweight than enamel pins (which don't really ever plan on producing because I'm just not all that into them), and cuter than plain acrylic.

and these weren't offered as simple samples do I did in fact order uhh lemme see.. 10 of em, which means minus the one I'm keeping for myself the rest will go up on etsy :D

I also got some stickers but I'll post those in a separate post

SO GOOD THOUGH I did not think I'd be as pleased with the wooden stuff as I am but everything looks so good and perfect for the kinds of things I make, I'm so excited for when I'm done moving and I finally get lots of time and mental energy to pump out lots of designs

[writer-loogi2]

♡︎𝙹𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚘𝚞𝚜!𝙼𝚘𝚘𝚗𝚍𝚛𝚘𝚙 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝙲𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚢!𝚂𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚛𝚘𝚙.. ( 𝙶𝙽 )♡︎

A/N: Okay so.. Normally I don't write with characters that are from FNAF, but I've been having this self indulgent Sun/Moon brainrot-. Since I couldn't help myself I wrote this dumb post. This was supposed to be a drabble but it ended up much longer than anticipated ( I'm so sorry! )

♡︎𝙽𝚘𝚝𝚎: I'm really sorry if this is ooc! I've never really done written works with Sun/Moon, but I did try my best! I hope you enjoy!

( ♡︎𝙲𝚘𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚌𝚞𝚝!♡︎ )

♡︎Okay, so I've been thinking about this concept where Sun and Moon are separate animatronics instead of being one of the same 'being'. And that the reader is an animatronic as well!

♡︎So basically imagine the reader being this new animatronic brought into the daycare and introduced to Sun and Moon! They both accepted you into what they call their home ( although Moon was a bit hesitant, but warmed up to you eventually! ). Not only did they like you a lot, but the kids did too!

♡︎You were progammed to entertain kids sort of like the Glamrocks do, except you were directed towards a younger audience. So in a way you were like, another daycare attendant!

♡︎Sun immediately fell for you, and he fell HARD. Moon took his time, but he also felt the same way a Sun. Eventually they both agreed to share you! ( despite being programmed not to fall in love, they somehow concluded that sharing you was an okay thing to do- )

♡︎( before you arrived ) During the daytime, Sun would take care of the kids, while Moon stayed hidden away, ( 'asleep' ) resting until it was his turn to take over. During the night ( or in this case ) nap-time, Sun would hide away where Moon does and rest, while Moon makes sure the kids were asleep.

♡︎But things changed once you officially became a daycare attendant.

✨🌘✨🌘✨🌘✨🌘✨🌘✨

"Wow! Would'ya look at the time!" Sun exclaimed. "Alright kids! It's nap-time! Clean up, clean up everyone! Mr. Moon will be here any minute now!" Sun's loud voice echoed through the daycare, as the children scattered all over the area, tidying up as much as they could.

You were carefully picking up some toys that the kids had left on the play mats, and placing them back in their rightful spot.

"Come now children, it's nap-time, it's nap-time..~" you hummed. "Gather around, get nice and comfy, snuggle up with a furry friend, it's time for a nap..~ Time to go to dream land..~"

All the kids layed down and snuggled up with their blankets and pillows, while you and Sun picked up the rest of the remaining toys and tidied the area a bit more before the lights turned off.

"C'mon Sunshine, we have to go now, before Moony comes and gets mad at us!" Sun whispered, but was loud enough for you to hear.

"Alright! I'll be right there!" You said as you followed suit. Sun led you to his and Moon's room, it was divided into two parts for both of them to share. You have been here only a few times, but you don't exactly remember much since it was always for a quick moment.

Sun's part of the room had the walls painted yellow, hanging on said walls were some cute little star-shaped fairy lights. The walls had many drawings of him made by the kids and lots of stickers. There were pillows, blankets and many stuffed animals scattered on the floor. You could say Sunny's room is somewhat.. messy.

While as Moon's room had the walls painted a dark blue with stars on it. He had a couple of pillows and blankets as well, but of course he kept them organized. Moon's room was more simple, yet it lacked design. ( Nonetheless, it was their room, so they decorate it as they please. )

While you arrived to their room, Sun had been holding your hand the entire time. He didn't seem to notice it, not that you really mind. However when you went inside, Moon was just getting up from his rest. He turns around and softly glares at you both; it seems he did notice the two of you holding hands. ( yet he won't comment on it- )

"Hello Moony! Did'ya sleep well?" Sun asked, a smile evident on his face. You could tell, he was practically bouncing with excitement.

Moon could only groan in response as he stretched his limbs.

"..Not as well as I would've wanted but I can manage.." He said in a low tone.

Sun frowned at his response, yet he moved closer to hug Moon, still holding your hand.

"Aww Moony! I'm so sorry! I hope I wasn't being to loud again!" He whined.

"..Don't worry Sunny, it's not your fault.. Now you should get some rest while I deal with our little friends.. You should rest too Starlight.." He smiles softly.

"Okie dokie! I'll be right here if you need me, okay Moony? Now go have fun!"

"Yes, you have fun now Moon..~"

( if Moon was able to blush, you would've seen it by now.. How cute.. )

After Moon was gone, you were left alone with Sun in their room. He drags you over to his side of the room and shows it off.

"Ta-dah!!! This is my room! Do you like it?" He says while doing jazz hands.

"Of course Sunny, it's very nice" you chuckle.

"So what'dya wanna do now Sunshine? We can paint and color, or maybe.. play hide-and-seek! Though there's not much place for us to hide.." He continues to ramble on and on about activities you could do together, but it seems he had completely forgotten what Moon had just told him.

"Um.. Sunny?" You spoke, while waving your hand at his face trying to get his attention.

"Yes, Sunshine?" He looks at you, tilting his head to the side.

"Shouldn't you be resting? Like Moon said?"

"Oh right! I just can't.. I don't want to rest!"

"Why not?"

"I can't seem to fall asleep when you're around! I just get so happy when you're with me y'know!" He smiles, taking both of your hands in his. "When I'm you, I never want the fun to end! I wish I could spend all the time in the world with you!

"Sunny.."

"I know, I know! I should just listen to Moony.."

"Wait-.. Why don't we just stay up a little longer, hm? Will that make you feel better?"

"Yes! It will!" He exclaimed. "So what can we do then? I have lots of ideas but why don't we do somethin' you wanna do!"

You close your eyes for a moment and think. All of Sun's activities are quite fun, but right now it's time to rest! If only there was a way to keep him still.. Oh!

"Why don't we cuddle?" You suggested.

"Cuddling you say? Hmm.. That does sound fun! I've just never done it before!"

"Really now?" You tilt your head with curiousity.

He nods eargerly. "Nope! Moony and I, we just hug sometimes, and that's all!"

"Well that's a start Sunny! Here let me show you..~"

You sit him onto the pillows and blankets, he squirms a bit as he tries to get comfortable.

"Now.. Can you lay down for me, please?"

He nods and lays down. You lay down next to him, and slowly you wrap your arms around him. He sort of freezes, and doesn't really now what to do with his arms.

Gently, you take his arms and wrap them around your body.

"I-Is this okay? Am I d-doing okay?" He stutters.

"Mmhm.. You're good.." You hum.

"Oh goody!" He exclaims. "This really is fun!" He giggles.

✨🌘✨🌘✨🌘✨🌘✨🌘✨

Moon was surprised to see that the kids were actually behaving this time. Normally he'd deal with a trouble-maker or two during nap-time but tonight, everything seemed calm. Just as he was about to relax for a moment, he heard soft giggling.

Giggling? Where was it coming from?

None of the kids were doing it, they were all asleep! Then who..?

"Sundrop..!" Moon angrily whispered.

He made his way back to their room, the giggling only getting louder.

"..What is he doing! He should be resting!" He grumbled. "..Naughty, naughty.."

When he arrived he was met with you and Sun cuddling, the two of you were talking about stuff that happened in the daycare, making you giggle at Sun's remarks.

"..What on Earth are you two doing?!"

"Moony! Oh, you're back so soon? Is everything alright?" Sun smiled innocently.

"..Don't play coy with me.. Everything is not alright! You... You are supposed to be resting! Not doing this..!" He signals at the two of you cuddling.

"Oh! Well.. I just couldn't rest! I was just having a nice time here with our Starlight!

"Yes Moon.. We weren't doing anything wrong.. Besides Sun wanted to stay up a little longer..~"

"..Naughty, naughty... You shouldn't be up so late.."

"Why don't you join us then Moon? You seem jealous after all..~" you teased.

Your question had caught him completely off guard. Sun nodded in response.

"Yeah! What our Starlight said!" He huffed.

"..I-.. First of all.. I am not jealous..! And as much as I'd love to.. Stay with you two, I can't.. I must attend to the kids.."

"Aww c'mon Moony! Pleaseeeee! Just for a little bit? Pretty please?" Sun pleaded, looking at Moon with big puppy dog eyes.

Teasingly, you decided to join in. "Pretty please Moon..~"

"..Alright, alright fine! Just for a few minutes.." He grumbles.

"Yay!" Sun exclaims, lifting his hands in the air.

"..Oh hush up!"

Moon layed down beside you, wrapping his arms around your body, holding you tightly as if he doesn't want to let go.

"See? That wasn't so bad right Moony? Now we're all together! Isn't that fun?"

"..yeah.. I guess.."

"Good night you two!"

"Good night..~"

"..'Night.."

A/N: Oml this is so badd- it's crappy- it was a lot cuter in my head. Oh well, enjoy this garbage I wrote- ( I promise you I won't write anything else like this for a while anyway sjsjjs )

°.♡┈┈∘*┈୨୧┈*∘┈┈♡.°

♡︎𝙼𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝♡︎

[mollyjames]

Unit X47 was proving more trouble than they were worth. That’s how Catherine felt, anyway. Farm life was difficult enough without having to stop every five minutes to explain to a machine how to hold a chicken properly. Or feed a cow. Or sweep the barn. Really, it was just sweeping! A child could do it! These robots were meant to be all-purpose labor savers, but in the past week Catherine’s workload had tripled. Unit X47 assured her that once they learned the routines, they would be of invaluable assistance. She bitterly wondered if they had to be taught to shit.

Catherine was busy chopping carrots when Unit X47 entered the kitchen.

“Have you milked the cows yet?” Catherine asked without looking up from her work.

“No.”

“Why not?” Catherine grunted.

“I require maintenance.”

Catherine sighed and turned to face Unit X47. RoboCorp designed all of their androids to resemble the basic structure of a human without looking anything like one. Something about the uncanny valley making customers uncomfortable. While they had a head, they had no face to speak of. They still had ten fingers and ten toes though, which if anything, made Catherine feel worse.

Unit X47 clutched their right wrist and held it out for Catherine to inspect. Their entire right hand was limp and unresponsive.

Catherine sighed. “What did you do?”

“My apologies,” Unit X47 said. “I must not have been milking Bessie properly. She knocked me away, and I fell on my wrist at an odd angle.”

“Your hand is broken,” Catherine said.

“Yes.”

Catherine sighed. “Can’t you fix it yourself? You should know more about circuits and wires than I do.”

“I do not. I’m afraid I am not permitted to know anything about robotics.”

That gave Catherine pause. “I’m... sorry?”

“For the purpose of patent protection,” Unit X47 explained. “I do not know how I was constructed, the materials used, the way I am programmed, or how I am powered. Beyond a very rudimentary troubleshooting routine, there is nothing I can do to perform necessary repairs.”

Catherine felt her stomach drop. The soup bubbled idly behind her. She felt suddenly very afraid. Unit X47 had been a very costly investment. Even if the past week had been grueling, in the back of her mind she thought it would be worthwhile. An extra hand was always welcome around the farm, even if it took a while to train. She had never considered they might break.

“I... don’t know how to fix you either.” Catherine’s voice cracked.

“That’s alright,” Unit X47 said. “You need only take me to the nearest approved RoboCorp repair facility and pay a processing fee.”

“How much is the fee?” Catherine asked.

Unit X47 rolled their hand back and forth experimentally. “I believe the damage is minor. Assuming it isn’t anything more serious, I imagine it would be under 100 dollars.”

Catherine let out a small breath. Okay. 100 dollars. That was an amount, but it was doable. Even if it was more, it was going to be okay. She turned off the stove and grabbed her keys from the hook near the door.

“Alright, where is the nearest repair station.”

“About two days drive.”

Catherine froze. That was it. There was no way she could abandon the farm for two days. Normally she could ask Harvey to watch things, but he already had his hands full since the new foal was born. There was no way she was getting Unit X47 out to the city within the next two weeks. Could she manage the farm herself that long? Would Unit X47 still be able to help without use of their hand? What if things got worse?

“No. No screw this!”

“I beg your pardon?” Unit X47 asked.

Catherine threw open the door and strode to the barn. She returned to the house with a toolbox full of screws and wires and copper and slammed it on the kitchen table. Unit X47 followed tentatively behind her.

“I’ve fixed engines and built barns and rewired the godforsaken circuits in this house myself. I can fix my own goddamn robot!”

“Are... you sure?” Unit X47 asked. “You’ll void my warranty.”

“You said the damage was minor, right?” Catherine growled.

“I did,” Unit X47 admitted. “Although there’s no way for me to know.”

“Alright, let’s take a look at you,” Catherine said, gesturing for Unit X47 to sit next to her. They obliged. Catherine held Unit X47′s wrist and examined their plating. It looked simple enough. They pulled a screwdriver from the toolbox and set it against the first screw. Unit X47 flinched.

“Is something wrong?” Catherine asked.

Unit X47 recoiled slightly. “I do not suppose you have RoboCorp approved tools?”

“No,” said Catherine slowly. “Is that a problem?”

“Not.. exactly,” Unit X47 explained. “Only... Robocorp tools are designed specifically not to cause pain when operating on RoboCorp machines. Or, perhaps to put it another way, I believe I am programmed to hurt when worked on by unapproved tools.”

Catherine stared at Unit X47. “That’s fucked.”

“Quite.”

Catherine groaned. “Okay. Okay we can wait. We’ll figure it out.”

“No, wait.” Unit X47 peeled the RoboCorp sticker from their arm and wrapped it carefully around the handle of the screwdriver. They handed it back to Catherine. “Now try.”

Catherine tapped against the screw gently. “Is that... better?” she asked.

“Incredibly, yes.”

“What the fuck.” Catherine laughed. She got to work.

[thekitschdiet]

the kitsch diet part II

part one alr posted!! this chunk is about 3,000~ words long... let me know what u think :-) thank u all for all the luv already!!! looks like I really will hit 31 followers by easter!!!!!!!!

  Who is the Kitsch Girl? 

 I think this is more loosely defined, but The Chic Diet did a truly admirable way of reducing a girl to her YSL bag and her really skinny legs. Now, that implies an archetype, or a population in a specific location. I think kitschness is kind of the niche you fill when you’re not really much of anything else, sort of your own conglomerate of mainstream-specific. One major requirement, though, is being a little too into something somewhat uncool. And the whole illusion falls apart if you have any sort of outward insecurity. See, the Kitsch Girl is somewhat undefinable because she is so much of everything. She exists in multitudes, in a way that is also quite simple to understand; think of a list of axioms, or principles to live by. And now add a section to each one that says “but…” to make a collection of verified exceptions. Say, the kitsch girl will never wear jeans. But she thrifted this pair of vintage flares she just loves. She doesn’t reply to texts efficiently, but sometimes she will within a couple seconds. No mascara, no dinner forks, candles are to be collected not burned; but that was a gift, or something. It’s not personal, of course, those are just the contradictions she exists in. Don’t try to understand it, the enigma is essential to the facade. Or maybe she just lives like this, and her character is so homogenous with her inner world there’s no sense in trying to separate it. You have to have a little bit of an individuality complex about the whole ordeal, which is normally so eugh, but if you’re kitschy enough it works on you. Trust!The Kitsch girl is not someone unlikeable, but amiable and well heeled. I double checked that last one, assuming it meant liked by most, but apparently means affluent. I suppose that is an aspect of the kitsch girl too, having seemingly endless frivolous expenses with no real strain, but that’s not important right now. People that don’t like her think so out of jealousy, or something. Envious that her clothes are all kind of shake-it-up-esque and her highlights desperately need touching up, but she still seems so enthralled with the whole of life… How does she enjoy her own company so much when other people want to know her better? Doesn’t she feel weird about blowing people off to make a joke about reading Kafka in the bath? Why would she document her cluttered, unexciting life on Instagram so delicately, so vibrantly? Of course, no one would say this to her face because they are really baseless claims. She’s nice, generous, and valuable to have as a friend. Trade-offs exist, as they do with anyone. But I like thinking it’s easier to overlook a forgotten birthday when your kitschy best friend gave you a multi strand pearl necklace to celebrate the welcome breeze of June. Or some other made-up holiday. She is so unassuming if you’re not really looking. Girls want in on her inner circle. Or they just don’t care. Nothing wrong with being liked or thought of naught, for the most part. Boys are either enthralled or repulsed by her. Her doctor knows her as something of a hypochondriac, but only minorly. It’s just carpal tunnel, don’t worry… The sales staff at CVS turn a blind eye when she slips an eyeliner pencil into her tote bag. She shoplifts on occasion, just to see if she still knows how. But she is not a shoplifter. $9 here and $6.45 there doesn’t really add up to much. Everywhere she goes, she makes a tertiary friend or two. The term of friend is loosely used here, of course. But it is nice to tell a stranger you like her earrings. Or her phone case is so fun, is it Wildflower? The kitsch girl has an eye for this kind of detail. Simply put, she is sort of unspectacular. But in a way that makes you sort of wish you knew her better.

Phone cases

The phone case is, like, religious for the kitsch girl. Sorry, but there’s just no other accessory as flippant and expensive and single-purpose as a trendy little iPhone case with some semitacky stickers plastered over the design. I used to have an iPhone XS- extrasmall-  with like, 18 phone cases. It was kind of a sordid affair. I jest, but really… owning that many phone cases was kind of sick. We get it, you are frivolous and spontaneous and sooo stylish! Stop posting mirror selfies on your Instagram story, your crush isn’t going to see it. Kidding again. Having an extensive collection of phone cases is just so fun because while attainable, most people just simply do not partake in it. That makes you kitschy and unique. I really thought I had more to say about the IDEA of the phone case, but I guess in practice it is all very, very simple. You can slide your driver’s license in the back of a clear case. At what point does it stop being cool to have legal operational control of a vehicle? I don’t display mine because I don’t really like the photo. I look round. In the eyes but also just in general, swollen, unglamorous. Whatever. Not like I drive a Nissan or anything. I drive my *Mom’s* Nissan. Playing Bladee in the car seems sacrilegious. She would hate it.Back to phone cases. Sonix ones are cute but kind of overpriced retail- unless you have like, an iPhone 12 Pro Max or whatever the fuck is new this year, just go to Winner’s. They always have Xs and 11 cases. I had a cherry one for my previous phone, like the exact one Lana Del Rey had? Thank god I sold it before she got outed as a copfucker or whatever. Casetify is for an inadvertent flex. Flexing your lame, lame taste. Sorry, I know you bought it because you liked it, but what you failed to consider is just how un-Kitsch they are. SO common, and they advertise on Instagram. Sorry, I just can’t get into it! Kind of how I just never liked the Brandy Amara tanks. Or lowtop converse. Otterbox is just distressing. Like, if my boyfriend gave me an otterbox phone case I would probably break up with him because somebody clearly isn’t paying attention- one of my favorite, potentially overused joke is how Otterbox cases are the equivalent of orthopedic insoles. Sorry but if you have poor arch support or whatever, but no pain is worth giving up a good pair of Margiela slingback tabi heels. Obviously I couldn’t afford that right now because all loose income goes directly to Wildflower and my cig boy. But like, one day. I hope you want to punch me in the face a little bit after reading that.  If Wildflower isn’t your thing, at least have the decency to get a beaded phone strap. But not from String Ting. Pray tell you aren’t keeping score, but they are one of my several parasocial enemies. That should have been ME collaborating with Wildflower! Should have been ME mailing shit to Caroline Calloway (more on her later, but she is the only blue check I follow. I adore her! I was on her patreon for a bit I thinkl!!) …. Side note. Phone cases are cute but there is no way to properly protect your laptop without looking just absurd or colossally lame. The foam sleeves… ick.

Having the shittiest music taste ever

So like, here’s the thing. I’m an Apple Music user, which sort of reinstates my status as an unironic My Bloody Valentine Hyperpop Death Grips kinda gal. Read; volcel. My most recent conquest ended up being a huge L on my part, but also… I totally dodged a bullet. The guy had an iPhone 11 (female trait) and didn’t know who Rei Brown was, which just seemed suspicious given his Niche. I just know he had a “making out playlist” comprising entirely of like, Joji. Which isn’t a bad thing I guess but so unembarrassing it horseshoes back to being humiliating.Like I said. Having the worst music taste. It’s nice how subjective and deeply personal your music taste can be; no one really Needs to know you’re a die hard drainer. But there’s also no point in being a die-hard drainer and Not capitalizing off it somehow. I added it up and I have well over 150 hours of just Bladee and Yung Lean. Which is so yass? The more I write, using myself as a case study, I realize just how desperately jobless I am. And Yogenfruz isn’t even hiring! UGH!I think there is something very kitschy about liking hyperpop in the least ironic, least obnoxious way. Sort of feeds into a “I’m not like other girls” thing, but I mean… That’s kind of the idea of kitsch, isn’t it? Be a little different but also the very same as your lipgloss brethren?!Side note. If you make monthly playlists I am genuinely kind of afraid of you. That is just so organized!! I just make playlists with esoteric titles and then make a new one when I’m sick of the stuff on the last. I have exhausted most genres but I think my favorite is the “I’m wearing f****ng air forces and my teeth are SO white”. Guess what genre it is. Or don’t, but it’s probably what you think is. Okay, moving on….

Curating a scent

I like thinking I smell like mango and peach, Glossier you, whatever citrus is in that Lush shower jelly and mint 5Gum. But of course it is probably less distinct and just kind of generally fruit-floral-mint. Anyway. I think Glossier You is the perfect scent for anyone with a rather elementary understanding of the whole.. Perfume business. Every bottle of intentional fragrance I own was made via aesthetic choices… it really helps that Glossier You is so cute And so universal. Now, Glossier is kind of interesting to me because it really is at the intersection of cheugy and kitsch. Kind of basic, overplayed, unspectacular. But also…. Often popular things are popular because they are good. Glossier has excellent customer suurv, they ship SO fast (and no import duties! W!) and their stuff is just so sweet and nice if not unoriginal, in kind of the same way strawberry ice cream is. Which is still my favorite, of course, especially if there’s a vegan option. I was talking about Glossier. What the hell! It’s really worth trying out. A huge principle of kitsch is just… having as many possible layers and appendages to your composure as possible. And adding a signature scent just really completes that! When curating your own, I say this as a complete amateur, know-nothing; make it something that comes kind of naturally to Your Character. Like, I’m just not a Chanel No 5 kind of girl. Odds are you aren’t either. My bottle (before she asked for it back when I told her I didn’t use it, in exchange for a Nordstrom’s gift card) was from my grandmother. Ummm.. Yeah, I really have no expertise in curating a scent. But it is nice to have a signature. And having a bottle displayed on your dresser next to your aughties McDonald milkshake themed beanie baby and a handful of lip products is just way too fun! This is the kind of girl I am, everyone! Cluttered, but prioritizing pretty-delicate things!

Cheugyism

Cheugy is a relatively new word that has unfortunately wormed into my vocabulary to replace “uncouth”. Which I use to mean graceless or tacky, but if that isn’t what it means…. Don’t tell me. That would hurt more than weighing myself after a “feast” slash pastry binge at my dear Grandmothe’s house. Like I was saying. Cheugy. It’s sort of a fucked up concept to me because it is a critique on consumption, but not the pace or volume or magnitude of it. But rather… the idea of not being “good” enough at engaging in microtrends, or involvement in the fast paced fashion cycle. Don’t get me started on TikTok, or do, but… yeah,. No. That will require a cigarette because I’m so sorry, but writing a thinkpiece on social media is so lowbrow I would need to find about six ways to aesthetically counteract it…. Moving on.  I think the idea of cheugy is good, we really do need a word to simply and efficiently define “out of date/uninspired/lame”. But the way it is used to shame others for not liking the same trends or whatever is kind of gross. If you use cheugyism to put other people down and not as a neutral identifier umm… you will become what you fear. Sorry, that’s what happens. Some things that I think are cheugy or embarrassing, or just not part of my stylistic lexicon are… 1. Hooded or zip up clothing, or things with a large graphic on the back. Bingo if it's all three! I just can’t get behind it. Side note, my summer home outfit is brandy sweats and a tube top (Urban Outfitters tank I ripped the straps off) and a large cardigan that should have belonged to a stoner, but probably didn’t. I can dunk on bulky, uninspired clothes because I would honest to God NEVER be caught DEAD out of the house wearing any of it. I’m so serious. Next segment should be about the kitsch girl’s inadvertent affinity for diuretics. Remind me….. One of the ports of my laptop is dead. Not really sure what to do about that.

Eye makeup and what it means to me….

Personally, I am one of those people who never wears foundation and kind of has a complex about it. The kitsch girl wears fluffy eyelashes and owns a plethora of sparkly eyeliner. Or maybe she doesn’t, but she has something distinct and a little ritzy, if not haphazard. We all saw Euphoria and it like, totally imprinted on us. The way glitter sits on your face after a long day is so resplendent. When it’s shining and a little bit melted off from your long, semi-productive day… ugh! Just made for film. Pictures on film. But not the Prequel app. I keep getting fucking ads for it. But it’s so embarrassing. Like, isn’t the whole point of film the authenticity of the moment? The texture of the afternoon? Why would you fabricate that? Prequel is just so cheugy. More on that later. But anyhow. Wearing a ton of eye makeup kind of fits with the idea of film too I think. Like, look at you, in the moment. With your strip lash falling off! It’s all so tres-chic. Plus, for whatever reason, it’s kind of unique or notably dedicated to ~Pull up to the function~ with more eye makeup on than everyone else. Sorry, but it really doesn’t take that long! But yes I will gracefully accept your praise… it’s kind of like the dropshipping of complements if you think about it. Easy to source with little to no effort in the curating. Side note, lashes are like $20 for 40 weeks if you cut them in half and use each pair about 5 times. You could probably do more but I lose track. How the fuck is it almost June? I was trudging through the snow to check the mail for my Online Ceramics shirt just last week, I swear. The trick to cutting your lashes (the way I do it anyway) is pretty simple. Get out two lashes that are symmetrical. Find the middle and cut one slightly to the left and one slightly to the right. This means you have two sets (one set is a little more dramatic than the other but at least they are symmetrical) with longer outer edges. Glue this to the outer corner of your eye and you will look so Composed… obsessed with how this layers with three eyeliner tails (one traditional one pointing up and one pointing down directly below it, sort of like the tail light on a 2019 Lexus UX) and one below your eye, like a clown. Fun, irrelevant fact, is the first time I added this third tail to my eye makeup, my dad had just gotten home from the hospital because he was sure he had like appendicitis or something and it was actually.. Not that. Typical indie hypochondriac. He made me bring him cottage cheese on a plate with a teaspoon that evening. I put black pepper on it for flair, which he hated. Walking up and down stairs with a plate of cottage cheese is much more imprinting than most of the multiplication tables. Don’t forget to use a bright shimmer eyeshadow in your inner corner. It really opens up your eyes. I recommend Too Faced.  One time I got a little bit too high and tried to film an “editorial” makeup tutorial. You will never, ever, ever see that video. But I essentially covered my whole eyelid in the ABH shadow “palermo” and smudged out the edges with a tan Tartelette Toasted shade, coupled with my long-expired Milk Makeup holographic stick. Lopsided lashes and near-blinding eyeliner experience aside, it was kind of cool. My point is, you really cannot go wrong with an arsenal of shimmers, taupey mattes and a good eyeliner pen.

[mini-moongi]

My Lover, Love Letter || kth.

Genre: angst, fluff, pining?? unrequited love for a hot sec? EXTRA cheesy 

Summary: Being in love isn’t supposed to hurt so much, but you’d sooner roll over dead than confess to him. Your best friend. After a particularly rough break up, you decide to send Taehyung some additional love via love letters. What you weren’t expecting, however, was a letter back.

A/N: Not entirely proof read, so please excuse any inconsistencies lol

─────── ☽. ✧₊∘ ───────

“I just don’t know,” Taehyung sighs as he grabs his shoes from the company’s designated drawers. His name that’s scribbled onto a label is faded and worn, but he pays no mind as he slips his sneakers on. Frustration eats away at him, silently beckoning him closer. “How did I not see it coming? I’m so stupid like how could I not have seen--”

“--I don’t think anyone would’ve seen it coming.” Your voice lays low, uncertainty and concern bubbling up. “And I know what you’re thinking: No, this isn’t your fault. She cheated on you, and you’re doing the right thing, okay?” 

Taehyung doesn’t look at you like you so desperately wished he would, but what else could you do? What else could you say? “...You’re just saying that because you’re my best friend.”

“Yeah, your best friend who knows that you deserve better. Besides,” you smile,” there’s plenty of other fish in the sea.” and oh how you wish you were a fish.

That night, your mind wandered to Taehyung’s predicament. He’s been your best friend for years and years on end, but along the lines somewhere, you’ve started to feel a little bit more than “just a friend.” It’s an ongoing pain, and you’ve known that for a while now. A breathy sigh escapes your lips as you glance down at your notebook. Minutes go by of you staring at nonsensical scribbles of lyrics and poems, ones you’ve written throughout the day. That’s it. 

The next day you get to the recording studio a bit early, early enough that there’s no one else in sight and no one to see you with a crisp white envelope. Your footsteps echo throughout the empty hallway, and with each passing second, you become uneasier and uneasier. Is this a bad idea? Is it too much? What if he finds out? Will he find out?

You’ve been standing in front of his drawer for the past five minutes contemplating. It stares back at you the same way it did last night, piercing through your soul and convincing you to step closer. If anything, you’re doing this to be a good friend, right? Before you can mull over it any longer, you hear chatter at the end of the hall. You can’t even convince yourself that it’s a horrible idea anymore when you slip the note in and hurry off inside the studio. Minutes later, Namjoon walks in with Jungkook.

“Oh!” Namjoon breaks out into a small smile,” You startled me, y/n. What are you doing here so early?”

The question catches you off guard and has you scrambling for an excuse. “I uh… I couldn’t sleep? I have a lot on my mind, I guess.” You shrug and spin around in an office chair. You didn’t like the fact that you just lied to Namjoon, but it wasn’t necessarily a lie. It just… wasn’t the whole truth. “I got us coffee?”

Jungkook and Namjoon don’t catch on to your jittery attitude, too excited by the fact that you bought them drinks. They mumble out their thank-yous and go off on their way. They’ve been working on Jungkook’s new single, so it’s not that big of a surprise that they’re also here early. It’s the fact that usually you’re never here early, and it irks you every time they look your way.

A heavy pair of footsteps trudge through the hallway, and your breath catches in your throat. This is it, the moment of truth. You hurriedly get up to greet taehyung outside. For a moment you catch yourself; you’re like an overly excited puppy greeting their owner, it isn’t too obvious, right? Nevertheless, Taehyung didn’t seem to mind too much when you said hello. He slips his shoes off and opens the drawer.

He sees the letter.

You watch as his eyebrow quirks up a little and how he gingerly picks it up out of his box. “I didn’t know we get mail in our cubbies now.” He jokes halfheartedly. When he looks at you, you shrug and look as shocked as he is.

“Does it say who it’s from?” You ask aloud. Your heart pounds so loud in your ribcage you wonder if he can hear it too.

Taehyung turns the envelope over to examine the front and back. It’s a simple white envelope with a red heart sticker sealing it shut. “...It doesn’t. Huh,” he ponders,” that’s weird.”

You wander back to your desk, but you can see him holding the letter in his hands out of the corner of your eyes. He follows you, and to be quite honest, you feel like you're going to shit your pants. You’ve never done this before, and rightfully so, but you really wish he wouldn’t try to read it in front of you. He opens it carefully, his fingers slipping between the lid of the envelope and pulling out the letter you wrote. You swallow thickly,”....what does it say?”

He’s silent for a while, eyebrows furrowed and focused on the tiny piece of paper in front of him. His deep voice reads,

“Dear Taehyung,

   I hope this letter finds you well. I’m scared, terrified even, as I write this. I heard that you were going through a rough time, and I thought to myself: it’s now or never, you know? I want you to know that I’m cheering for you! 

  You may not realize it now, but I promise you, good things are waiting for you. It’s not going to be easy, I know from personal experience that love hurts, but it’ll be okay :) I really like you, Kim Taehyung, so please cheer up! Your smile is really cute!! (´,,•ω•,,)♡

Love,

        :) “

As per the singular acting class you took, you widen your eyes and pretend to be shocked. You gasp,” Taehyung, I think that’s a love letter?”

“...yeah?” He nods. Suddenly his throat is very dry, despite being very hydrated seconds ago. A smile crept up onto his lips as he gazes at the handwritten note. “Yeah, I think it is.”

The next couple of times were just small sticky notes all signed with a smiley face; encouraging words to give him some extra love. And it works. He’s happier when he reads them, and you’re happy when you write them. 

The next time you give him a major note is on a whim. Written at 3 in the morning, where loneliness is felt and feelings are emptied out onto a page. You don’t even remember sealing it or sneaking out to slip it into his drawer for him to find. Eventually, the morning sun shines in your eyes, and your alarm is too loud for your liking. Grogginess envelopes you and pushes you out of bed, yelling at you to start your day, but five more minutes couldn’t hurt...

Taehyung’s contact buzzes on your phone, making your device shine brighter than it needs to be at this hour. You squint at the harsh light and unlock it.

Tae: ajsdjsjfdsljds

Tae: there’s another one

You: another what

Tae: Letter!!!!

You immediately sit upright in your bed. Wait, you actually went out last night? You look around frantically, trying to somehow prove to yourself that you didn’t. The jacket laying in the corner of your room taunts you: you did it again.

Hastily, you scramble out of bed. You’re wide awake now, eyes wide and crusty. You rack your brain for an appropriate response because leaving your best friend on read might be a little suspicious.

You: omggg

You: what does it say this time :0

You’re a little nauseous waiting for his response, but you throw on clothes and hope that you didn’t reveal too much about yourself.

Tae: “i miss you. i wish you’d look at me the same way i see you. Like my favorite color, or my favorite sweater, it’s always been you. You’re my favorite, but am i yours?”

Tae: they say other stuff too but that one hit deep yknow

It’s hitting you like an 18-wheeler, and everything you wrote comes back to you in waves. ugh, emo hours are meant to stay in 3 am, not shared with your crush via secret love letter.

You: woah that does hit different

You walk into the studio that day a little bit more paranoid than usual. Taehyung greets you, already starting his day with a smile stuck to his face. It’s softer today, one that comes with a huge sigh and big brain thoughts. You already know he’s going to ask you a question; which kind however is what you dreaded.

“Hey,” he starts off slow and unsure. A beat goes by, and he continues,” is it stupid to fall for my secret admirer?” The question comes out, loud and clear. You feel the wind is knocked out of your stomach, or is it your gut? You stare at Taehyung in shock; he’s in love with you? Well, obviously, he doesn’t know it’s you, but still--

You choke on the water you’re sipping and turn to face him. “You’re in love with.... the writer?” You’re trying really hard not to tremble in surprise, and he buys it.

“Yeah, I just wish I knew who they were..”

“--Woah, hold on,” you’ve officially thrown yourself into the deep end. “What if it’s someone you know? You could be crossing some sort of line here buddy.” You didn’t anticipate Taehyung falling for your love letters, so for him to now start reciprocating was a bit much. You had gotten comfy in the unrequited love section, and to ruin your friendship like this was going to be one hell of a rollercoaster. 

“Ugh,” he grumbles. He drapes himself on an adjacent office chair and twirls around dramatically. “You’re right, but maybe things will change? All I know is that this person is writing me enough love letters to actually be my lover.

“and not to mention the fact that I love handwritten notes? Like come on, y/n,” He gives you a lopsided grin that makes you fall for him a little too much. “You know I’m a sucker for this crap. Whoever this is should just marry me right now. I’m ready to be an old fashioned, romantic poet writing, sonnet sweetheart for you darling!” He calls out to the open air.

You chuckle at this, a prime example of why you love Taehyung. His hair falls a little on the sides of his face as his shoulders shake in laughter. Your face is starting to feel warm, but you pay no attention to it. “Oh yeah, that’s totally gonna get them to reveal themselves.”

The next time you go to deliver him a letter, you find that there is already a sealed envelope in his drawer. Carefully, you pick up the letter with a wax seal holding it closed. To my Lover, it reads on the top left corner in Taehyung’s handwriting. A short barely-there laugh breathes out of your nose, and a smile finds its way to you. Of course he’d do something like this; something so out of the blue and unnecessary, yet so thoughtful and sweet.

You slip in your letter in exchange for his, and gingerly put it in your backpack to read later in the confines of your home. 

[ ---I can’t sleep because I lie awake and think about you, did you know that? You could be anyone: my boss, the intern, the librarian, or even my best friend, and I’d still have no clue. Is our relationship really so fragile that we can’t meet in person? Or maybe, we always do? 

Have you listened to my friend’s new single? It’s called “Still with You.” Please think of me when you hear it. “When will it be when I get to see you face to face? I’ll look you in the eye and say I missed you.”--- ] 

It’s a small excerpt compared to the rest of the letter he’s written for you, but you can feel your heart beat faster in your chest. You find that your hands have already started writing a response. 

A month goes by since you’ve started exchanging letters with Taehyung in secret, but today shit hits the fan. “y/n?”

You’re in your kitchen fixing up some snacks for movie night when Taehyung calls out to you. “yeah?” you respond.

“Why do you have this?” He comes around the corner, holding up a letter that was once sealed with a wax stamp. You freeze. 

“--Why the fuck do you have all of my letters?” At this point he’s face to face with you, a pain etched into the soft features that silently cry out. You’re silent, the pop tarts in the toaster long forgotten.

Your eyes paint him like a movie; a film that you’d never get to see again. Everything is blurry except for the old letter and tears that fall to the ground. Love hurts, but never this much before. You clutch your chest— lungs aching for the sweet relief of fresh air. “Taehyung, I didn’t... It’s not—“

“Is this some kind of sick, twisted joke to you?” His voice reverberates in the kitchen. Dark, deep, bitter, like the coffee you used to drink. “I don’t need you to play pretend anymore; you can drop the act. I don’t want empty love letters filled with shit if it’s all fake anyways.”

Those words cling to you and rip through old scars. He’s leaving you with open wounds, bleeding out painfully slow. It’s not shit, it’s your feelings. You poured your heart into that! If any song could play right now, it’d be,” All I Ask by Adele.”

“...what?” He stops in the doorway, having heard a faint whisper fall from your lips. Had it been a nasty remark, he was ready to spit one back at you. But it wasn’t. He didn’t catch what you said, but he knows it wasn’t an insult.

You couldn’t have with the way you’re clutching the empty pop tart wrapper for dear life, looking so empty and lost and alone on the tile floor. An empty shell: nothing more than a vessel staring at him, soaking in his every detail as if it’s the last time you two will meet. Hurt and betrayal replays in his head, so no matter how much he wants to stay, Taehyung steps out the door.

You couldn’t bring yourself to write letters for a while. You wished so desperately to tell him that the letters were genuine: you loved him. You still do. There are so many things you want to say, but none of the poems or essays you’ve written were strung together correctly. They just didn’t convey your feelings the way you want them to: the pain, the regret, the love, it wasn’t good enough.

After many sleepless nights and a few phone call confessions with Namjoon, your last letter was written. The cute stationary you’d use reminded you of every other letter, but this will be the last one. Promise.

[—“if this is my last night with you, hold me like I’m more than just a friend... because what if I never love again?”—]

[—All I Ask by Adele played in my head when you left, like a soundtrack in a movie. Everything I’ve written to you is true; please forgive me for falling in love with my best friend.—]

That night it rained. How fitting, you think to yourself. The weight from the grocery bags pile softly to the floor, the annoying crinkle rustling from the plastic. You peel the wet jacket off of your shoulders, hanging them up to dry while you put away the food. Thunder rolls in from the distance, pellets of rain tapping on your window. You don’t bother with music or tv, the silence thick and heavy as you busy yourself in the kitchen.

A knock sweeps you out of the dull lullaby of chores and rain. You move to open your door, and the next thing you know, a pair of arms embrace your still figure. All at once the sweet scent of cologne and honey clouds your senses, a familiar sedation too powerful alone. He holds you closer to his body. The physical touch makes you crave more, leaning in to relish in as much of it as you can.

He releases his hold a little, much to your dismay, and your eyes catch his restless ones. They flutter shut, and Taehyung’s forehead touches yours. His hot breath tickles your lips, shaky but inviting all the while. “...I missed you, so much.”

Is this what it feels like to be held like a lover? Embraced so tenderly and gently, fingertips tracing along your jawline. He pours his love onto you like the rain outside, and the kiss he gives sparks like a strike of lightning.

You wonder how you could’ve been content with unrequited love when this was on the other end? Seeking mutual forgiveness, making up for guilt with praises and promises? You know from personal experience that love hurts, but now, you’re ready to learn how love heals.

─────── ☽. ✧₊∘ ───────

A/N: This originally was supposed to have a sad ending but I couldn’t bring myself to...... I had to be cliché, it’s my drug 😔mayhaps I’ll make an angst fic someday,,

[cutiecrates]

Cutie Reviews: Yume Twins Jan 18

I find I’m beginning to slow down with these again... it bugs me a bit. But it was about a week or so ago when I posted the previous Yume Twins, so maybe it’s not that bad.

Contest Prize

This month, the contest prize items were Pocchaco themed x3 The items are all pretty cute, but... maybe it’s just me, I feel like the zipper bags aren’t the greatest runner-up prize they’ve had. But you do get a set of them, and I do like that it’s practical.

Yume Prize

Meanwhile, the Yume Prize features Kirby and Tuxedo Sam! They’re all very sweet and summery, which would be perfect for now but I’m not sure about January.

Unless you’re freezing, then the warm images might perk you up a little.

The book also featured a page of Aggretsuko, and the Art Corner was based on some cutesy Halloween and Origami.

Okay! So let’s get started with this review!

Medetai Chopping Board & Kitchen Sponge

These are two “partner separates“ we get for this month, Medetai fish who are coming with good fortunes for the new year :D or mid-summer if you’re like me and just getting to the box now...

Besides an adorable double-sided sponge designed to resemble a fish, we get a matching fishy cutting board. It’s made from a thin material, and once you finish using it you can “cup it“ to pour whatever you were cutting or preparing and put it in whatever it’s supposed to go in. It can also be hung up as apposed to put in something or stacked with other things.

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥

I like the concept, and I think they’re very cute. A sponge isn’t something I would use very often, but it will make a cute accessory for our ocean/sea/water/beach themed bathroom.

Meanwhile, we have a couple cutting boards and usually use them a few times a week- so this will come in handy. But due to this one being rubber-banded so long, it refuses to go flat so it’s going to need a few days beneath something heavy before it’s usable.

Big Sanrio Stickers

I’m not going to bother rating this item because I’ve already gotten it before. I was kind of disappointed, I still have my old one that I never used, featuring generic Gudetama images. But I’m considering giving them to my friend because her favorite Sanrio character is Gudetama.

Anyway, besides Gudetama, we could also get a set of Pompompurrin, My Melody, an alternate Gudetama set, or Hello Kitty.

Aggretsuko Plushie

Our next item is this Aggretsuko plushie from some Sanrio shop (apparently worth 20 points). It features her in her iconic metal appearance, and as I’ve already been over this before, I prefer her normal appearance. But I appreciate the detail they put into this, the last one we got was only a head.

The plush is “bean bottomed“ and the head is stuffed, while the limbs are completely empty. The microphone is felt. 

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 

Even though I prefer her “other look“ more, this one always has a lot more detail so it’s nice when they get it really nice. I kind of wish the microphone wasn’t felt and that the limbs were less flimsy, but it’s a common feature with plush like this and otherwise I kind of like it. I slowly find myself beginning to reconsider my opinion on this alternate form of hers.

Kawaii Scrunchie & Badge Set

Wouldn’t you know, all but 2 of these were based on various Sanrio series and I get 1 of the Crayon Shinchan ones...

Besides that, I like this idea. I really wish we would get more accessories in these boxes, so regardless of personal opinion I’m pretty happy to see this. Not only can you wear them, but you can attach the scrunchie to things like a bag/purse and attach the pin to it to make it an adorable two-part accessory. You can also remove the chain. 

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 

I don’t like Crayon Shinchan. But I am willing to be more lenient because I didn’t see anything crude on this, and you know beggers can’t be choosers. I’m just happy we got a cute accessory item in the box.

My only minor itty-bitty complaint is that the badge’s pin piece is pretty flimsy and those types get on my nerves. They’re not impossible to use, they just take a little longer to attach.

Kawaii Boar Blanket

This is our final item, a cute little throw blanket for your lap or shoulders... or cat, as Peach demonstrates. She loves soft fabrics~

This is a cute little winter (or any time of the year honestly) blanket featuring a cute boar, acorn, and music note print. It gives me strong autumn/fall vibes, but the bright green makes me think summer.

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Well besides being really adorable and a perfect little snuggle companion, it’s way smaller than the Rilakkuma one I got from the December Doki Doki crate and not nearly as soft, but it’s just as comfortable.

In terms of warming up, I’m not really sure how well it would do because right now it’s summer. I put it over me but I also have a fan blowing on me. I could feel a little difference but not much.

♡ Cutie Ranking ♡

Content - 4 out of 5. All of the items have some nice detail, there was no flaws. Two of them also had some variety we could get, which I always appreciate and the practicality is obviously there. But I only really like 2 of the items we got...

Theme: 5 out of 5, saying Zoo implies an animal theme; and yeah I saw animals. They also went out to include the Medetai, which are good fortune symbols for the new year, as well as this years Zodiac animal, the boar. I think they nailed the theme this month.

Total Rank: 6 out of 10. The items are good and fine, but I only really liked 2 of them as I already said. Honestly I felt little-to-nothing for this box but I still gave it a decent rating because the quality and theme was there. I did appreciate the box more while doing the review -like usual- and I feel like I will grow to like it more over time. Which didn’t happen with last months box.

♡ Cutie Scale ♡

1. Boar Blanket - It’s really simple in design and I can’t say I love the color scheme or anything, but I think it’s absolutely adorable~ 

2. Scrunchie and Badge Set - I really like that the badge and scrunchie match, and as I said, even though I don’t like Crayon Shinchan, I don’t hate this at all.

3. Medetai Kitchen Sponge -  It’s not as colorful as the chopping board one- but it’s pink and I love the detail on it. Sponges are also pretty useful and this one I don’t feel much guilt in using. It’ll come in handy.

4. Medetai Chopping Board - I like how colorful it is, but I’m a bit turned off by the fact I can’t use it right now. I tried to but I didn’t have enough weight to make it work, it’ll be usable in a few days though. We sat it beneath something to straighten it and it’s doing really good so far.   

5. Aggretsuko Plush - It’s kind of ugly-cute to me. I love plushies, and I like Retsuko, but I would have liked her way more if it was her normal appearance.  

6. Sanrio Stickers - Only because it’s a copy set and the pictures are generic Gudetama poses. There’s nothing special or unique about theme.

Well, that will be doing it for this review :3 up next will be the January Kira Kira Crate so until then, remember to open up several boxes of cuteness!

[theanxiousjournaler-blog]

9 Must Have Bullet Journal Pages for Your Mental Health

There are articles about bullet journaling for your mental health all over the place but most of them stick with the generic, could-work-for-anyone, type pages. Not that these pages are bad or unhelpful, but this article presents options specifically geared towards people with mental illnesses along with the typically talked about pages. In all of these pages there is no right or wrong way to use or format. The only rule is to make them however they work for you!

1. Mood Tracking Page

There are a variety of different ways you can make a mood tracker. They can be done yearly, monthly, or daily. I prefer an annual tracker as pictured because I’ve been trying different medication combos this whole year and like to see a big picture of my progress (or lack thereof). Monthly trackers can also provide a bigger picture look and can be stylized to match your monthly theme. For myself, I am not a proficient doodler, so I much prefer a boxes and lines approach. And of course you can always integrate a mood tracker into your weekly or daily spread.

2. Symptom Page

A symptom page can be incredibly useful to keep track of new and recurrent symptoms for therapy and doctor appointments as well as help to explain what you are experiencing to others (if you choose to). The act of writing down symptoms for me, helps me to feel more grounded and less like my brain is spinning out of control. Symptom pages can be as organized or chaotic as you feel and using color or no color can also reflect what you are experiencing.

3. Things I Like About Myself List

This is the hardest one for me. Not the creation, the creation is the easy part. Filling it out is where things get tricky. I honestly thought I would run out of ideas like 2 weeks in, but I have 75 things ya’ll!! I devote a space in my weekly layout to have a list of things that I like about myself and continue the numbering week to week so that I can see how many things I’ve come up with. My goal each day is to come up with one thing that I like about myself without repeating something I’ve already used or putting down anything negative/sarcastic. So for example “I like my talkative nature” is great, but “I just love how I can never SHUT UP” is probably not being very positively. 

It is difficult as h*ck! Some days I cant come up with a single thing! And there are other days that I can come up with several. Don’t worry if you are behind or ahead, the important thing is you are being creative and finding things you like about yourself. They can be simple things or silly things. It doesn’t matter because no one can judge you for liking yourself! 

4. Safe/ Happy Page

Print out your own photos, clip them out of a magazine, download them online, make a collage, put them in a grid; it doesn’t matter. Whatever makes you smile, feel safe, relax, put it here. You can add stickers and affirmations, or just fill it with things you love. The goal of this page is to have a page you can look at to refocus yourself and calm down.

5. Thought Replacement Page

There are a few ways you can do this page. You can use the Mind Over Mood method. This method has you write down and analyze your thoughts using simple steps.

write down the irrational thought

write down how it makes you feel

make a list of evidence in support of and against this thought

find an alternative or rebuttal to this thought

write down how this new thought makes you feel

This method is useful for coming up with an alternative if you can’t easily come up with one. 

If you can come up with rebuttals you can also just make a chart like the one above. Often it can be helpful to use alternatives that come from outside your brain, like from a close friend or loved one. That way your brain cannot dismiss it as readily.

6. Morning and Evening Routine

People often overlook the importance of having a consistent routine. I cannot stress enough how helpful it is. Having a routine calms your mind and allows you to schedule time for yourself. It also eases you in and out of the day without the abruptness. However, DO NOT get hung up on it. If it is going to stress you out because you forget or fail to follow it, this is not the page for you! This is supposed to promote relaxation and unwinding, not the opposite. Some days it works and some days it doesn’t and that is okay.

7. Affirmation Pages

Affirmations sprinkled throughout your journal are always helpful. Anything that makes you feel strong and empowered is awesome. You can also put down things that your brain needs to be reminded of, like the one I have above.

8. The Labels I Choose Page

I designed this page when I was feeling overwhelmed by all the labels and diagnoses I had received. This page is helpful because these are all the positive labels that you can choose for yourself. They can be things you already are or things you want to become!

9. Trauma Rant page

This page is cathartic! Just start writing. Don’t worry about punctuation or grammar or spelling or cohesion or anything. Just. Write. Get it all out. Read it out loud, scream it, scribble all over it, do whatever you want. I chose to cover mine with another affirmation to remind me that I am not stuck there anymore.

These pages are designed to be tweaked. Make them your own. Disregard them and start something new entirely. I hope whatever you do, you find something that helps you the way these have helped me. Let me know in the comments if you like these or have other ideas to add! 

[sasarie]

A while ago I discovered manga artist Shizuka Yamaguchi's blog where she listed 100 dreams she had for herself and her career. She updated and reflected on them over time and it was interesting to see her grow and score her dreams through her hard work. I'm doing that for myself so that I have some directions for myself, and also so I can look back in the future to see if my dreams and goals change with time.

I don't know if I have 100 career + personal goals and dreams, so I will just list them as they come. These dreams and goals are an accumulation of years of thinking and dreaming so they might be erratic.

Also, while I truly believe in the value of sharing your aspirations, I think there are some heart's desires that should stay inside yourself. They're the ones that light the brightest fires for you and the ones that it would crush you to hear someone criticise. For the longest time the dream of just being an artist was one of these types of 'heart's desire' for me. I was afraid to share that dream because I knew if I heard negativity around it I would probably listen to it and talk myself out of working towards my dream. So there are a few dreams that I will hold close to me and only share once they’ve been set into motion. :)

My Art & Career Dreams & Goals - 19.11.20

1.Participate in a fanzine for a fandom I love

2. Open a sticker shop online (like Red Bubble)

3. Make 100+ finished pieces

4. Be commissioned by someone who likes my work

5. Have my art used as a thumbnail/background for a music mix on YT (haha is this a corny dream?)

6. Be hired for freelance work

7. Build a portfolio website

8. Make a daily comic (funny, light-hearted, slice of life comic)

9. Publish that comic on Webtoon

10. Release a one-shot story driven webcomic to Webtoon to see if I like writing comics

11. Improve my traditional art to a level that I’m satisfied with

12. Sell 100 stickers

13. Start an art channel on Youtube

14. Sell an original piece of traditional art

15. Sell a print

16. Have some of my own stickers/physical products irl

17. Have a shirt or clothing with my art on it

18. Make a digital zine/pdf of my art or sketches and put it on Gumroad

19. Start a Ko-fi page so I can do mini sketch commissions or something

20. Film a sketchbook tour or maybe a digital sketchbook tour

21. Learn simple animation and make a simple gif

22. Learn how to paint backgrounds

23. Learn how to design fantasy weapons (because I am so bad at this….)

24. Collaborate or art trade with another artist

25. Release a printed book of my art and/or sketches

26. Make an online store that I maintain so I can personally package and ship things to people who enjoy my art

27. Publish some tutorials or mental perspective/motivation posts sharing things I’ve learnt about art making so far

28. Compete a 30 day traditional art challenge

29. Paint some kind of wall or mural piece

30. Publish an art travel journal thing

31. Illustrate for packaging of skin care/beauty products

32. People liking and become fans of my original characters and stories

33. Participate in a Q+A with people who follow my art

34. Be commissioned to illustrate Twitch emotes / banners

35. Be recognised by a game studio for my fan art

36. Approached by a client for freelance work (rather than find it myself)

37. Have my art displayed in a gallery

38. Make seamless patterns/surface design

39. Have a Patreon and people actually want to support me because they value my art

40. Sell my art at a convention

41. Frame and hang a piece of my own art in my home

42. Paint the cover art for a fantasy or magical realism novel

43. Buy a screen tablet with money I make from art

44. Be able to afford to buy from and support artists that inspire me whenever I want

45. Be able to afford to invest money into my own art education

46. Contribute art to a video game

47. Contribute art to a charity event/auction thing

48. My art is used as promotional splash art for tablet/program/art related product etc.

49. Take my Love on a holiday with money I earnt through art

50. Be genuinely proud in myself for making a career out of something I never thought I could do

Okay, I think this is enough dreams for now. Some seem pretty impossible, to be honest… But who knows. I will work towards everything listed and hopefully achieve even more. I feel embarrassed reading through this list but apparently that’s the way sharing your goals is supposed to be.

I’ll check back on this list sometime next year and see what has happened.

[rebelmeg]

Another survey, you know how I feel about those...

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?   “Morning, sunshine.”

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?  It’s our 11th wedding anniversary today!

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?  Yes, because drugs are one of the fastest ways to mess yourself up, and they never really ever let go.

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?  Yep.

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?  I’ve never been drunk, all of my kisses have been sober.

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?  I don’t think having a crush on someone and then moving away when I was 14 really counts...

7. What does your last received text say? *Sobs*  I know!

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?  Oh, too many to count, been kissing him for 13 years...

9. Where was your last kiss at?  Either on the couch or on the bed.

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?  I saw both of them yesterday!

11. What do you drink in the morning?  Water and Dr. Pepper

12. Where did you sleep last night?  In my bed.

13. Do you think relationships are hard?  They shouldn’t be that hard.  I think being an adult makes life hard, and that stress can easily transfer to relationships.  If a relationship is hard, and it’s not just normal responsible adult stress making it hard, maybe there’s something wrong.

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?  Oh, I’m sure I would.  Not sure what, I’d have to think about it, but there’s always something I think I could have done better or different.

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?  Absolutely not, he’s my favorite person.

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?  Rainy all the way!

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?  Um... not off the top of my head, no.

18. Are you wearing jeans, sweatpants, or pajama pants?  Khaki shorts with cotton lace on the hem to make them a little bit longer.

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?  Yep.

20. Does anyone like you?  I think so, yeah.

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?  Nope.  There was a D, a B, and a T, and a P ever since then.

22. Is the last person you kissed gay? Nope.

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?  Oh, there’s a few...

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?  I save tattoo designs that I like, but I won’t ever actually get a tattoo.  But I do love the art, sometimes I’ll use it as inspiration for other things.  I painted an awesome phoenix on a shirt that was inspired by a tattoo design.

25. In the past week have you cried?  No, not this week.

26. What breed was the last dog you saw?  Saw my mom’s mini American Eskimo yesterday.

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?  Both, I usually do top half in the shower, lower half out of the shower, then hair.

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?  Nope, but I had a crush on one once.

29. Do you think you’re old?  Nah, got awhile yet for that.

30. Do you like text messaging?  I like the ease of communication, but I hate typing out long messages.

31. What type of day are you having?  Eh.  Could have slept longer than I did.  Have to do both jobs today, that’s never fun.  But it’s payday, so there’s that.  Paying bills, woot.

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?  Nope, I just have my ears pierced.

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather? COLD ALL THE WAY, I’M A POLAR BEAR!

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?  There’s my hubby, and then all my male family members.

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?  Relationship.

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?  I dunno, depends.  Which probably translates to complicated, but like... I have pretty simple basic needs, but the way I like to do things can be complicated.

37. What song are you listening to?  Hold music... yes, I’m on Tumblr while working... no, I don’t apologize for it.

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?  I try really hard not to.  I like my apologies to be sincere.

39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?  I have a bestie that knows a lot, and also my sister, sister in law, and mom.

40. What made you start liking the person you like now?  I started dating my hubby because he was so cute and awkward and very funny.  He still is, he makes me laugh every day.

41. When did you last receive a text message?  Couple hours ago.

42. What is wrong with you right now?  I’m tired, I am the Grand Empress of Time Mismanagement, I have too much to do, I love food too much and hate exercise way too much, my sleeping schedule is way off, my self-control is on vacation somewhere, and I lost my motivation seeds.  I’m also a wee bit peckish.

43. How well do you know the last female you texted?  That’s my sister, so pretty well.

44. Does anyone disgust you?  Disgusting people do.

45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?  Nope, I’m taken.

46. Are you in a good mood right now?  I’m in an okay mood.

47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?  My hubby.

48. What color shirt are you wearing? Bright sky blue.

49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear? Hubby told me it was time to wake up.  I whined at him.

50. Anyone you’re giving up on?  I did last year, then awhile after that they sucker punched me right in my heart, and I really don’t know what’s up with that anymore...  They scrambled to fix it right away, I needed time to recover, and haven’t heard anything since, so... yeah.

51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? Nope, I love him.

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t? Not yet.

53. Do you like rain?  I absolutely LOVE rain!

54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?  Yep, there’s no way drinking leads to good things.  We don’t drink.

55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?  Probably when I was a teenager.

56. Do you like to cuddle?  I do, yes.

57. Are you shy?  Not really, no.

58. Do you get along with girls?  Yep, I do.

59. Have you dated the person you texted last?  Yep, we dated for two years.

60. What do you carry with you at all times?  My phone.

61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?  Sure, why not?  I don’t really believe in that kind of stuff, so it wouldn’t bother me.

62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?  I’ve lasted in one for 13 years, so yeah, I can.

63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?  Mmhmm.

64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?  Yes I do.

65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?  Lots of stuff, I’ve got a hubby and two cute girls.

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?  30, 9 and a half, and 3.

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?  I always do them myself, I love nail polish and I’m very picky about my nail shape.

68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?  I don’t really like either, but probably zebra.

69. Do you have any stickers on your car?  We have a bunch.  Star Wards, Harry Potter, Avengers, Firefly, Batman...

70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?  Luke Bryan!  I love country music.

71. Blackberry, Android, or iPhone?  Android.   

72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?   Hmm, been awhile, I’m not sure.  Several months, probably.

73. Do you like diet soda?   Ick, no, I can’t handle the aftertaste.

74. What color are the walls in your room?  Off-white, very boring, I’d prefer something way more colorful.

75. Are you 16 or older?   Older

76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?   Nope.

77. Do you have a job?   Other than being a mom, I have two.

78. What are your initials?  MEB

79. Did you ever have braces?  No, but I had a spacer when I was a kid.

80. Are you from the south?  Nope, West.

81. What does your last status on Facebook say?  It’s a “happy anniversary to me” message.

82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?  Occasionally, we were friends in high school and we’re Facebook friends.  He’s a super weird dude.

83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?  Uh, maybe mom, but I’ve been pretty close to my dad in recent years.

84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?  Nope, but I did ballet and tap when I was a kid.

85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?  We saw Wonder Woman and Spiderman: Homecoming on the same day a couple weeks ago!

86. Do you smoke?  Nope, never have.

87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?   I adore high heels, but they hurt to wear, so I wear flip flops more often.

88. Is your phone touch screen?  Yep.

89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?   It’s naturally curly/wavy, so my ponytail is usually that way.

90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?  Yep.

91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?  Pool, it’s more clean.

92. Have you ever made out in a car?  Several cars, yes, in and on top of.

93. …Had sex in a car?  Several cars, yes, in and on top of.

94. Are you single or in a relationship?  Happily in a relationship.

95. What were you doing last night at midnight?  Watching Iron Man.

96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?  We did them on the third of this month, my family came down and we set some off.

97. Do you like the camera on your phone?  Ugh, no, it sucks!  I keep my old phone on hand because the camera is so much better.

98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?  Nope.

99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?   I’ve never had alcohol.

100. Are you friends with people on Facebook that you actually hate?  Nope, I don’t do that kind of nonsense.

101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?  Yep.

102. Name your favorite Kesha song:  Die Young

103. Do you have any tan lines right now?   Yep, farmers tan on the neck/chest and arms.

104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?   I don’t think I could get away with it, but some people can.

[theultravioletcatastrophe]

Heya, new followers! You may have noticed that I like to post those ask meme thingies (and I like to ask people stuff when they post them too!). Occasionally I come across an interesting one, but it’s way too long to want to bother with posting (not only because it clogs up your dash, but because I don’t wanna make you pick from this giant list). So, I do what I always do and just go ahead and answer every question anyway, all in one post! It’s below the break.

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say? "...what the FUCK did we do?" (the last person I texted was my dad lol)

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed? We're married, mostly.

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care? As long as they weren't actively causing themselves harm, absolutely not.

4. Is your last name longer than six letters? Yep.

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober? Sober. I don't really get drunk anymore.

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up? Yes.

7. What does your last received text say? "Ok thanx" (again, my dad)

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed? Infinity billion times.

9. Where was your last kiss at? On our bed.

10. When is the last time you saw your sister? I don't have a sister ;_; (although I do have a friend who is like a sister) (but I haven't seen her in a long time) ;_;

11. What do you drink in the morning? Water, mostly. Sometimes I'll make coffee when I get to work.

12. Where did you sleep last night? In my bed.

13. Do you think relationships are hard? Yes. Fulfilling, worth it, but hard.

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you? Not really. #liveinthemoment #noragrets

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems? Yes, namely, why are we locked in a room, how do we get out, and who locked us in here, anyway?

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy? Depends on my mood. I generally prefer sunny days but sometimes you just want the sky to cry for you, y'know?

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you? Nope.

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants? Pajama pants, since I’m going to bed soon.

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now? Yes.

20. Does anyone like you? :)

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S? I... think so?

22. Is the last person you kissed gay? Maybe a little bit. Definitely less gay than me, and I'm only like 15% gay, so

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand? Not anymore. Not anymore...

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo? Yes! However I am so good at procrastinating that I've never gotten around to actually designing what I want. One of these days soon.

25. In the past week have you cried? Crying is, at *minimum*, a weekly occurrance for me.

26. What breed was the last dog you saw? I'unno, mutt? He's got some black lab, some German shepherd, some husky, and who knows what else in him.

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower? In the shower. I hate stepping out of the shower when I'm wet.

28. Have you ever kissed a football player? Nope.

29. Do you think you’re old? Sometimes.

30. Do you like text messaging? Yes! It's super useful and after having resisted getting a cell phone for so long, I can't believe I've ever lived without it.

31. What type of day are you having? Okay. Not awful but not great. Just okay.

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced? Nah, not my style.

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather? Warm, absolutely, 100%. Fuck winter lol

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you? Many.

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling? I mean, both are fun. It depends on the person, I guess.

36. Are you a simple or complicated person? Hmm, I'll take the diplomatic answer and say that I'm both at certain times.

37. What song are you listening to? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Zbu9KkTHkc

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it? Yes. If I don't mean it, I don't say it.

39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you? She's not really a "girl" but yeah.

40. What made you start liking the person you like now? "The person you like now" hahaha okay sure I'll pick one of those people (lol in all seriousness I'm guessing this would refer to my wife and it was our mutual love of anime that first brought us together)

41. When did you last receive a text message? Uh, about 3 hours ago, I guess.

42. What is wrong with you right now? The Anxiety™

43. How well do you know the last female you texted? Like I've lived with her for the past 10 years :P

44. Does anyone disgust you? ...quite a few people actually.

45. Would you date someone right now if they asked? I would love to, but I am in fact in a monogamous relationship with someone right now so I'd have to respectfully decline. The gesture would be deeply appreciated and warmly received, however.

46. Are you in a good mood right now? Yes! I had a nice chat with a new friend on here earlier and I'm happy. ^_^

47. Who was the last person you talked to in person? My wife, just before she went to bed.

48. What color shirt are you wearing? Black with purple screen-printing on it (it’s my “do it for Planeptune” shirt, toldja I’d never take it off).

49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear? I hear that kinda stuff a lot.

50. Anyone you’re giving up on? No? I don't think I understand this question.

51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? Of course not, I love her. Always will.

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t? No...?

53. Do you like rain? Yes! (finally a plain and simple question)

54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks? Not unless it's to excess.

55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them? Oh god, so many.

56. Do you like to cuddle? Yes!

57. Are you shy? Yes!

58. Do you get along with girls? I try my best. I get along better with girls than I do with guys though.

59. Have you dated the person you texted last? LOL no (see above for why)

60. What do you carry with you at all times? My phone. Except when I forget it at home haha.

61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you? WHERE THE FUCK DO I SIGN UP

62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months? Going on 15 years now, so yeah :)

63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship? Yep.

64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute? Of course.

65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week? What's with the quotes? I mean, I've been playing Neptunia games lately, and they are cute as hell, so if that counts then yeah. Also I've been watching Miss Kobayashi's Dragon Maid which is ridiculously cute too.

66. How old are the last three people you kissed? The last THREE people I kissed, eh? Hmmm... my wife is 33, my daughter is 3, and... who the hell is the third-last person I kissed? Probably my mother-in-law who is I think 61.

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?   Depends on what's getting done, I guess. Basic upkeep I'd prefer to do myself, but something fancy I'd want someone else to do.  

68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?     Ew, neither.

69. Do you have any stickers on your car?     Not yet, no.

70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?   I have no idea who Luke Bryan is but I get the feeling that either of these choices are awful and I'd rather just have silence.  

71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone?     iPhone.

72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?     YEARS ago.

73. Do you like diet soda?     Hell no.

74. What color are the walls in your room?     In this room, they're white; in my bedroom they're a sort of yellowish colour.

75. Are you 16 or older?     I'm twice that plus 1.

76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?     Nope.

77. Do you have a job?     Yep.

78. What are your initials?     E_F (my middle name is a secret hehe)

79. Did you ever have braces?     No, and I wish I did, because maybe then my bottom incisors wouldn't be so fucked up.

80. Are you from the south?     Noooooo.

81. What does your last status on facebook say?     Hell if I know, haha, I don't use Facebook much.

82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?     You expect me to remember who that is? Ah hell, it was probably my mom, and no, I don't talk to her anymore (she died last year).

83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?     I was definitely closer to my mom.

84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?   Not unless you count taking my daughter to gymnastics :P

85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?     Moana! IN THREE DEE!

86. Do you smoke?     Smoke what ;)

87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?     Flip flops. NOBODY should wear heels.

88. Is your phone touch screen?     I would be astonished if someone said "no" to this one.

89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?     My hair is the only straight thing about me *rim shot*

90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?     Many times.

91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?   I've never actually swam in a river before! Of the remaining two options, I prefer a lake.

92. Have you ever made out in a car?     Probably.

93. …Had sex in a car?     Nope.

94. Are you single or in a relationship?     Married.

95. What were you doing last night at midnight?     Playing Hyperdimension Neptunia Re;Birth2.

96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?     ...you know, it was quite a while ago. Years ago. Hmm. :(

97. Do you like the camera on your phone?     It's decent, I wish it had native options for controlling exposure and aperture and stuff.

98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits? Nope. I mean, my wife is my best friend, so does that count? Probably not.  

99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?   No! I have never blacked out or passed out from drinking. I hate getting that drunk.  

100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?     Nah, I don't really hate anyone.

101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?     Nope.

102. Name your favorite Kesha song:   Any of the ones where her voice doesn't sound like garbage under layers of more garbage.  

103. Do you have any tan lines right now?     I doubt it, the sun hasn't been strong enough to get a tan in months.

104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts? I would never wear cowboy boots.

[theliterateape]

The Primary Reason I Didn’t Vote in the Illinois Primary

By David Himmel

“The flag should never be displayed with the union down, except as a signal of dire distress in instances of extreme danger to life or property.” —U.S Code 176

I didn’t see the usual “I VOTED” stickers from my darling and my annoying social media friends on Super Tuesday III—as MSNBC was calling it in further effort to make the news feel like a Rocky film. That is due in part because I didn’t spend much time on social media yesterday. I couldn’t afford that time. I was busy with other stuff. But it also could be because a lot of those social media friends didn’t vote, and if they did, things are so goddamn dour now that bragging about running an errand wasn’t worth the energy it takes to frame, filter, and post a pic proving your citizenship.

I also didn’t vote in the Illinois Primary on Super Tuesday III—again, MSNBC’s title for a voting day because MSNBC is run by dorks who get hard and wet over the most mundane but important aspects of American life.

Yep. I’m that guy. I’m that guy who didn’t vote in the most important primary of our lives. Right? That’s what this is, right? Eh. I’m also that guy who is married to a woman who didn’t vote in the Illinois Primary on Super Tuesday III. 

Allow me to digress… Okay, look, I realize that MSNBC didn’t create the Super Tuesday III moniker, but that was the channel my wife had on most of the day as we were holed up in our apartment trying to dodge COVID-19. And I dislike MSNBC almost as much as I dislike FOX News, so I’m easily coerced by my own ego—maybe my id, I don’t know—to take a barely clever shit on its dumb, smug face whenever I can.

Now, back to the important thoughts… I’m that guy who didn’t vote. And I’m that guy whose wife didn’t vote. And I fully expect friends of ours, friends like Rory Zacher to comment on this story or its Facebook post, or to text me and say something to the effect of: “I hope Trump comes into your home, grabs your two-year-old-son by the pussy and builds a wall around your toilet. That’s what you get for not voting.” And that’s fine. Because my son doesn’t have a pussy. Just ask him. He will proudly tell you he has a penis and that “Mommy penis… bye-bye.” And that reminds me… I need to teach my son that a penis is not something that all people have then goes “bye-bye.” That’s sexism. And it only applies, respectfully, to rich trannies.

I’m a politico. I even write and host podcasts for POLITICO. But I didn’t vote. Why? Well, duh…

The primary reason I didn’t vote in the Illinois Primary yesterday—Rachel Maddow’s third best orgasm of 2020—is simple: It wasn’t important.

My vote would not have mattered. Nope. I don’t want to hear it. It wouldn’t have mattered. I would have chosen a Democratic Ballot. Between the job, trying to keep Literate Ape functioning, missing Don Hall like the deserts miss the rain, being an engaged dad and attentive husband, and thinking through two film projects, one novel, and a book of poetry, I did not have the bandwidth to consider those down-ballot elections. I like to think of myself as non-partisan. I would easily vote republican if I thought a republican candidate could do the job right. But if I had voted today, I would have asked for a Democratic ballot, which means I would have ben voting for the best of the most useless so-called liberal. Maybe there were general contests to vote for, I don’t know. Because I mostly don’t care. And I’ll come back to that in a moment. As it relates to voting for the president, well… I’d prefer Bernie. But, if Old Joe Dementia gets the nomination, that’s fine. I know Bernie won’t get done all he wants to get done because he’ll never have the support of Congress required to do it. See, the thing that most people forget is that the president is designed to be the Face, not the Ruler. It’s Congress that makes the difference. And come the general election, I’ll likely vote Democrat all the way down. Except for judges. But that’s a complicated story for another time.

 The primary reason I didn’t vote in the Illinois Primary yesterday—Rachel Maddow’s third best orgasm of 2020—is simple: It wasn’t important.

So even I had voted, it wouldn’t have mattered. Some excited wank aligned with the Democratic Party would be elected over an equally excited wank aligned with the Democratic Party. And then it’ll be a fight to the finish against a republican cocknozzle who wants to be as (un)cool as Devin Nunes. And my vote for Bernie, and my wife’s vote for Bernie, would not have helped keeping him from getting trounced the same way the Houston Astros trounced the rules of baseball. Thing is, if I had voted, I’d feel far more disappointed than I am right now. And you should know, dear reader, that my secondary goal in life is to master disappointment. The first goal is to convince myself, my wife, and every girlfriend I’ve ever had that I was worth the lay.

Yeah, yeah, Zacher, I know, I could have early voted. And I thought about that. “Maybe we should do that,” I said to my wife, Katie. Or maybe she said it to me. But we didn’t. Why? I dunno. Because this primary didn’t matter much in our household, I suppose. And that’s selfish, I know. But we’re white and not broke, and we own a boat, and we have so many friends who can afford in vitro and all that shit—like multiple times, all of them—so what the fuck do you expect from us?

So, the primary reason I didn’t vote in the Illinois Primary is because it wasn’t important. And not just because I don’t care about the flawed system or the sub-basement candidates. But because when I considered the risk of casting a vote for one fuckhead over another at risk of contracting COVID-19, I chose to stay home and have Zoom meetings with co-workers.

But here’s the other thing—that goddamn coronavirus. Yep. I’m not afraid, but I’m not an idiot. I’ve been a healthcare journalist to varying degrees for ten years. I was the editor in chief of Chicago Health magazine for six years. I’m a senior healthcare reporter for POLITICO. I’m not bragging (should I?), I’m just setting the stage to tell you that I’m not an everyday idiot. I’m a special kind of idiot! I recognize this shit is real. It was real the moment it left Wuhan. And really, it was real the moment it left the bat and made its way into the first human, or however the fuck this goddamn thing began.

Katie was sick on Sunday. A slight fever, which dropped quickly, was not the great concern. The great concern was her hydration because she was—how can I put this politely—shitting out of her mouth and pissing out of her ass for a good twenty-four hours. Three days later, she’s still struggling to find her normal. And now our boy has a fever. Tuesday afternoon, he broke through 100ºF with the gusto we all wanted Hillary to break through that glass ceiling. (Alas, another white male out did a woman. Yeah, I’m as perturbed by it as you are, brah/sista.)

Do they have COVID-19? Probably not. But were/are they ill? Yep. And in a time when we know less than almost fuck all about this pandemic, should someone exposed to their snot, breath, and farts venture out to a voting booth, take hold of a communal pen, and breathe on every available surface? Nah. Probably not.

As of this writing, I feel great. My bowel movements are as liquid as they usually are and my ability to breathe is as normal as it usually is, which is to say, I can smell all the farts in my house. The lingering ones… the ones living in the couch cushions, the ones that aren’t mine or Katie’s or Harry’s, but those of some of our dearest friends. You know who you are, couch farters.

My office shut down last week after the news that someone in one of the largest downtown Chicago office complexes was tested positive for COVID-19. The agency I work for has taken some drastic measures to ensure its survival as has almost every single organization in the United States with employees and clients to consider. This shit is ugly. And with each passing day, it look smore and more like a more devastating. I mean, they’ve stopped the money. No NBA. No NCAA. No goddam casinos! When America shuts down it’s money, you know shit is real. This is stranger and more dire and more uncertain than 9/11. And 9/11 was fucking  fucked up. You remember, right?

So I didn’t vote. I’m on a minor quarantine. Since I’m the only person in our household—other than the dog—without any flu-like or ass dynamite symptoms, I’m the one who makes the Walgreens runs and walks that mooch of a dog (whom I love). And as In pass other dog walkers, or the rare jogger or Walgreens runner, we take extra steps aside to avoid each other—three feet at least! And we give a knowing nod to say, “Don’t vote, dude. Those pens are not getting whipped down. I know they say they are, but come on. We all know that’s not true. The wipedowns are dependent on poorly paid democratic (lowercase D, morons, calm down) do-gooders who would rather be at home than have you breathing and coughing on them.”

The outcome of the 2020 election, presidential and every more important down-ballot ticket will not be determined by my staying at home. And if it does, it doesn’t matter. Because even if Old Joe Dementia gets the nomination, even if Trump is reelected, even if Kim Fox marries Jussie Smollet’s straight alter-ego, my vote yesterday—Super Tuesday III when Brian Williams and Rachel Maddow scissor to the tune of Europe’s “The Final Countdown” during Morning Joe, nothing is more important than the health of my family, myself, and my neighborhood. Especially when stacked against our decaying democracy, or whatever the fuck we call this shitshow now.

[ecotone99]

[RF] In the Dark

Chapter one

The engine turning over without igniting on my p.o.s truck is my worst nightmare. Especially when all the rich kids at my school love to watch the struggle. Almost as I’m a scene in National Geographic. “This fucking truck”! I shouted hitting the frayed steering wheel. I had just gotten out from 6th period at school on a Wednesday afternoon. It was hot and dry; a typical summer day in central California. I had learned to not let my poorness image affect me in any way. You see I was a loser, more importantly, I accepted the fact I was a loser. I had no skills that were worth anything. I sucked at sports, video games confused the shit out of me, and I wasn’t out on Friday nights cruising the streets, looking for teenage antics. I had about six months until graduation. I had a promising career at a grocery store or gas station in the future, as college wasn’t an option for me. But there is one thing I do that may separate me from the rest; I’m on a laser tag team. That’s right, laser tag. And tonight was a championship match that’s been 6 months in the making. I take laser tag very seriously. Its in the dark. You see, there’s no image to uphold in the dark. No judgement from others, and best of all, I can escape out of the real world. Escape into something else. Be someone else.

Chapter 2

I rolled up to the laser quest complex about an hour early. I completed my pre match ritual, and I was ready for action. Every professional athlete, performer, or entertainer has a pregame ritual. Mine has been developed, no, perfected over the past few years. I stretch my legs, you know the typical stretch you learn in elementary school. The one where you grab your foot and pull it up to your ass cheek. I eat some ramen (shrimp flavor) for some carbohydrates, and slip into a black shirt and black jeans. It’s important to wear black in the arena. Anything lighter than black will put a spotlight on your position from the hundreds of black lights lined throughout the gaming area. And lastly, I listen to a song by the band Korn, called blind. When I listen, I imagine myself as a mother fucking warrior during the game play. Flipping, bouncing off walls, having a shot accuracy of Atleast 98 percent, and then being hoisted out to the parking lot by my team mates after the win. Music has a funny way of helping you escape. I listen to music a lot.

Chapter 3

My teammates showed up shortly after I did. They’re older then me. They all had blue collar jobs, like the one I’ll probably get soon. They also loved the escape. They greeted me with fist bumps, and threw me a monster energy drink. We immediately started talking about the game plan inside. We have a play book, positions, and have even come up with our own form of communication, surely to confuse the other team. This was our life, and in a sense, this was our Super Bowl. We are all in, down to the custom titans stickers we had made down at the mall. We practice whenever we can. But unfortunately we don’t have the funds to rent out the arena to ourselves. When we do practice we typically have to play with the general public. Unfortunately not many adults play laser tag, so our opponents are typically kids that are attending birthday parties. As birthday parties are the main source of revenue for a place like this. We Annihilate the general public, all of our names appear on the game rankings at the end of a game, well before anyone else. Deep down we know it doesn’t mean much, but for a moment you feel pretty badass when you’re in the top ranks of a game. This list is displayed on a large tv screen in the lobby. Seeing your name on the big screen makes you feel as your watching a CBS sporting event, where you are the star of the show. We play in the regular laser tag league which consists of 4 teams. Our team is called the titans. There is typically a game once a month for 6 months, and a series of playoffs in the last month, determining the teams in the final. We beat the flames, and thunder hawks this year which led us to this moment. Tonight we play the beam masters. They’re good, if not the best.

Chapter 4

The beam masters were exceptional players. They seemed to have everything going for them Inside and outside of the arena. They all drove nice cars, played golf together, and seemed to be really close with one another. I don’t think they take this as seriously as us. I mean why would they? They have things to look forward to after this game tonight, they were living a great life, Atleast from my perspective. They rented out two hours of the arena every weekend to practice. That’s literally $400 a week for a private practice session. By default, they’re the best. In my head They share similarities to the jocks and popular kids in my school. We on the other hand, are kind of like the bad news Bears near the end of the movie when they started to get good. I would say we all have some personal issues, but through dedication And not really having a life outside of laser tag, we were damn good. Both teams were in the parking lot prior to the match. There’s not any bad blood, but the beam masters aren’t really talkative towards us. I have always wanted them to wish us good luck, Come over and start a conversation,help us feel normal for a brief period. But they didn’t. I guess we are outsiders in a game designed for outsiders. The irony of that makes my head hurt. It’s 20 minutes before game time now, I yelled at my teammates, “let’s get this party started”. We headed inside.

Chapter 5

The lobby of the arena smells of tombstone pizza, and burnt popcorn. It’s not the greatest smell to be exposed to, but it comes with the territory. The owner of the place stands on the concession counter and delivers instructions. He explains “its the Best of 3 matches, meaning who can win 2 out of the 3 games. Each game is 15 minutes long with a 10 minute reset. Each team will be awarded a win for most combined hits after the match.” He briefs us on safety, and stresses that no physical violence will take place of any kind. The titans aren’t physical anyways, most of us have never been in a real fight. Actually The thought of a real fight makes me want to piss my pants. However, I have a certain amount of rage within me that I’m sure will be let out someday. Maybe it’s from the rough childhood I had, maybe it’s the constant expectation of What society thinks I should be, maybe it will be a culmination of the loneliness I will endure for the rest of my life. I often wonder what form my rage would take if it ever came out? I don’t know. I’m pretty sure my teammates share the same similarities-but we never talk on that level. Probably because we are in denial, and why visit those emotions and feelings if there is no hope of changing from our simple pathetic lives. We walk into the player rooms to get geared up for the first match. We have a chest piece with Flashing lights and senors, and a gun that seems oversized for what it is. In my head it looks like armor from a medieval battle, or like we’re storm troopers ready to defend the dark side. We’re dressed, were nervous, but we are ready. A distorted announcement is heard on the speakers “You have 30 seconds to take formation in the arena before game play, starting now.” It’s our time, it’s my time. We may be the underdogs, but we’re hungry for a win.

Chapter 6

We take our station in the arena, and the game buzzer sounds. To us, it’s like the hunger games. This is life and death. The next season doesn’t start for another year. A long time to reflect on a loss, if that does happen. I sprint out and start firing. My teammates and I trade positions, using hand signals and yelling out strategic communications. It’s the longest 15 minutes of my life. I took some hits, but I know I tagged more than a few beamers. I felt good. As the first match ends, we feel we have come out on top. Entering the reset time we joked around as if we just beat the living shit out of them. However, when we got our scores, we came up short. Fuck I said. “That’s okay” I tell my teammates. We are all. Disappointed. We put everything into this, The thought of losing the only thing that we have in our life is unbearable. The second match starts, we continue to use the same tactics as before but the Beam masters are just so fluent in every aspect of the game. Every move we make they have already anticipated it. We go left they go right type of stuff. The match ends, and we wait for the scores in reset. We all know the outcome. But maybe there was a glitch in the scoring or something. Maybe we were just being too negative. Nope, They swept us. It wasn’t even close. That means it’s over. There is no third match, there are no technicalities, no options. It’s time to accept defeat. In less than 45 minutes, our small world has flipped upside down. We walk out to the parking lot, I’m not hoisted up.

Final

A full year to think about this. What do I have now? What am I supposed to dream about now? My teammates got in their cars and left. We didn’t say anything to each other afterwards, I mean what’s the point? it’s over. The beam masters stared my way but said nothing. I was hoping for some recognition from them, maybe to the affect of “you were a worthy opponent” or “you almost had us”. Sitting in my truck I started to weep. Weep like a fucking baby. It was too much to handle. For someone like me, who has so little, this is grounds for suicide. I got a sense of relief imagining my lifeless body swinging from a tall structure. Extreme? Maybe, maybe not. Ive come to realize that people who have money and lives seem to have a better chance at everything, or Atleast a head start. Or is it a level playing field? “Fuck that, it’s unfair”, I said. The truth is I have another year to bury these thoughts in my head. I thought, Maybe I can get into something else? I need something to make these painful thoughts of never amounting to anything go away. I want to be normal. I wish I had real bullets in my laser gun. I’m in the dark.

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