#OKAY RANT ACTUALLY OVER NOW!! they are everything to me
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driftwooddestiel · 2 years ago
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remember bella the catgirl? well… what if she became human again and she and lucy were siblings who hang out together and also she wasnt forgotten about
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(i may have taken some liberties with her appearance making her hair copper red and eyes dark green but im not making all the kids of guinevere identical okay)
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that-was-anticlimactic · 8 months ago
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one of the worst feelings ever is wanting to write but your hands hurt too much or the words just don’t want to work so you just sit there staring at a half finished doc with tears in your eyes bc you want to write and you need to write but everything is telling you that you can’t
#and that you’re a terrible writer and that no one cares aaaaaaand imposter syndrome kicks in and you just feel like crap#bc all your friends have been wriying recejtky so why can’t you??? cause they’re bETTER THAN YOU#lol idk why my head is so bad today#the feelings of inferiority and emptiness and idk worthlessness are strong and i hate it but i can’t stop it#i just wanna write!!! and like what i write!!!#but i Can’t and i haven’t liked anything i’ve written in Months and ugh i hate not being able to d something i wanna do#oh and now i’m crying??? why the frick am i cRYING litetally why is typing this making me Worse#sorry guys needed to rant#the inadequacy was strong today#something something students keep telling me how much they dislike me or how i’m whiny for asking them to be respectful and like#i Know i shouldn’t compare myself to my friends but gosh it’s hard when they’re all like. so much better than me.#and i don’t have a lot of time to be on tumblr bc of work so i just feel like i’m watching everything from afar and it’s no one’s fault but#my brain’s like no one is Doing anything it’s just my brain being dumb and i can’t stand it and I want to stop feeling empty and like i’m#missing a part of myself and like the words i write don’t matter gOD why can’t i just feel happy with where i am and not care what the kids#who hate me say or realize that no one cares that i’m not on much like i’m still Here and trying to interact it’s not like everyone hates me#for being busy or for liking side characters more than the main characters and just—#sorry#that felt good actually#idk what came over me#imma just. imma shower. then maybe delete my tags#sorry if anyone got this far aT ALL grace is either asleep or trying to sleep so i don’t wanna bother them since they slept poorly last nigh#okay done now for real sorry delete tags later sorry if you saw this and how freaking messed up ky freaking brain is
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running-in-the-dark · 27 days ago
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my niece stayed with us last night. it was pretty fun this time, probably because I was feeling better (if I'm already in pain or exhausted, I can't handle it). after we dropped her off, we talked to my mother for a little bit, and then drove to my in-laws. we were there for a few hours and because the guys were busy outside, i ended up talking to my mother-in-law for most of that time. it was... kind of good? I don't know. she actually showed some real emotions, just a little bit, but hey that's more than ever before! I even gave her a weird little shoulder squeeze/side hug, it was so weird.
anyway, I almost fell asleep in the car on the way home because I was so tired, and actually did fall asleep immediately on the couch.
#it's pretty annoying because my mother-in-law of course asked me how applying for jobs is going. I haven't applied for a single one yet#bc dude I can barely get through the day. I sleep for 12-16 hours a day. and I'm almost always in some kind of pain. and I'm not doing so#good mentally either. come on! I interacted with a handful of people in one day and had to sleep for like 6 hours.#anyway so I said it's a bit difficult because I'm constantly tired - it felt like the only thing she might kind of understand?#annnd she said its probably a vitamin D deficiency and I should get that tested (I won't because I'd have to pay for that and also I think I#read that taking vitamin D supplements doesn't actually help? I can't remember now and I don't want to look it up bc I know it definitely is#not the only or even main reason I am always tired.#I took vitamin D tablets for several months last year (?) bc my previous GP recommended it and. it did absolutely nothing at all#plus. like. I can't sleep. I sleep like shit. always. so. idk? that definitely doesn't help#and I sleep more when I'm in pain and all that too. so.#and she knows I have a bunch of health issues but. nope it's vitamin D because that's one thing and it's simple and here take a pill you're#fine now! wait why aren't you fine now? oh I guess you're just lazy 🙄#< that's 100% how that would go#ugh. Just let me sleep for 5-10 years. maybe that'd fix me....#like. I'm trying to get myself back (?) to being an actual human person again. I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with me. I'm trying to#live and not feel like I'm drowning every fucking day#finding a job is only gonna add more stress and exhaustion and everything. if I want to try to help myself this is the time to do it#okay rant over I'm going to sleep now#personal
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sammypog · 9 months ago
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“don’t restrict yourself!! gender and sexuality are fluid!” you guys couldn’t even handle he/him lesbians
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catastrxblues · 1 year ago
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hi so i just finished bridge to terabithia and now i’m unwell and my eyes are red because i’ve been crying before i’d even reached 20 minutes of it for i actually knew what was going to happen and by the time i reached an hour something something i just straight up sobbing screaming into my pillow. and now it’s 12 am and i’m still thinking about them. because god, look at them, how they were, the little world they lived in, wouldn’t you just love that, to run away, to escape, to grasp that childhood naivety and innocence that you lost a long time ago, to feel the sun in your skin and the air in your lungs and to paint fantasies and laugh and play and run hidden away from the world and find an old run down tree house and decided to make it your own little shelter and pin up canvases on the worn wood and paint and let your creativity goes wild and have someone understand you and gets you and do it with you, and wouldn’t you just love to have something so constant, so sincere, so genuine, so pure, so real, that there wasn’t anything else. if i knew i was going to cry this much, if i knew how much space this movie would make in my life, i wouldn’t have started this movie tonight. i would have been in peace on the floor of my room, not realizing how badly i actually want something like this even though i would never unironically admit this to anyone in my life or even myself when i’m outside of the familiar place of my mind, for that matters
#bridge to terabithia#how am i supposed to recover#i wasn’t planning to write a paragraph about it but yeah i kinda love this movie i guess#i needed a good cry and the universe didn’t stop me from choosing this movie i don’t know if that’s nice or simply mean#i was going to watch la la land after this but that’s not gonna happen now#i’m not reading back what i wrote otherwise i would just delete it because i’d think this movie deserves better more coherent thoughts#and i’d say that i’d just rewrite it tomorrow but then i wouldn’t#because nothing would ever beat the “everything i create has to be great or nothing” in me#and i never am proud of what i made unless it’s supposedly only for my viewing#so i actually don’t know if what i just wrote make sense but yeah#my eyes feel so weird right now#also the ending was definitely up to interpretations!! (spoiler alert* just in case)#i myself personally like to believe he dreamed up the last 30 minutes of it and didn’t even go to the museum#and so he’ll just wake up definitely shocked but then still find leslie in her house who was just about to meet him so they could go!!#and because the rope was cut off by the lightning from last night they decide to build the bridge so everyone could cross safe and sound!!#i like my ending better they really should change it#but no all and all the end was really beautiful#even though it took me maybe even an hour to get through it because i keep sobbing and have to repeat over and over to hear what they said#yeah okay anyways sorry for the rant<3#i’m not sure what this is#but glad i could get it off my chest#let’s see how to tag how to tag#movies#just#childhood#whatever <3#nadirants
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hyp3rfixation-h3ll · 1 year ago
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burgertron HATE ged prep . burgertron PILEDRIVE WHOEVER MADE IT SO THAT YOU HAVE TO TAKE 4 SEPARATE TESTS TO GET A PIECE OF PAPER THAT SAYS YOU DID IT into THE FUCKING DIRT!!!!!!!
#the captain's rambles#if you couldnt tell im having a bit of a rough time <:']#my mom is like “oh well youre Making it stressful it's gonna be okay” I HAVE TO FUCKING DO SHIT WITH VARIABLES#THIS SHIT WOULD BE STRESSFUL EVEN IF I *WASNT* ALREADY DREADING DOING IT#i HATE education i HATE SCHOOL i hate everything this STUPID SYSTEM STANDS FOR and most importantly I LOATHE VARIABLS#whoever put LETTERS ?? in MATH??? Die.#because now i have to fucking figure out what x and y are on a practice test#i dont even HATE math normally. in every other instance of math im actually okay w/ solving questions#ged math ??? is on some shit#FUCK geds man i hate it here . i wanna just fuck off and go do whatever and be productive with something i Actually Enjoy Doing#not having to sit here and do tests so i can get a piece of paper that does nothing but allow me to apply for a community college#<- a place i am EQUALLY unexcited for and dreading#miserable fucking books i have to do work in. and then i gotta do like 4 different equally fucking miserable tests for each subject#and then i have to pray to god i didnt fail and i got the minimum passing grade of AT LEAST 145 out of *200.*#im going to destroy Everything.#i dont want congratulations for doing this shit either because i didnt wanna do it IN THE FIRST PLACE !!!!!!#im only doing this because i HAVE TO to get my parents off my ass about it not because i WANNA#if it were up to me i'd be doing just art and collecting or other hobbies i ACTUALLY ENJOY and i wouldnt be worrying about academics#but we cant have nice things so now i have to stress abt this shit like a college student studying for midterms#rant over. im gonna go eat now . pray 4 me that i dont kill someone /lh
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minglana · 14 days ago
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not to rehash this personal annecdote but literally whenever i think im over them i see them posting stuff that reminds me i am in fact not over them
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average-hyperfixator · 9 days ago
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gently puts a rant in the tags
Fandom interpretation of Curly: a horrible misogynist that ignores/dismisses assault and the “He wouldn’t do that, he’s my friend” guy. Condones Jimmy’s actions
Actual Curly in game: another victim of Jimmy’s manipulation that actively cannot punish him/take action because he is being manipulated just like everyone else, literally every interaction between them is manipulation, subtle or obvious, which eventually makes him loose any and all ability to take action because of Jimmy
#‘Curly is just as bad as Jimmy!’ ‘Curly is a misogynist becuase he didn’t help Anya!’ biting you biting you biting you#<- THIS!!!#I feel like people forget that abuse/manipulation is not mutually exclusive#like. both Anya and Curly can be victims of Jimmy. At the same time#there is no law stating that only one person can be manipulated at a time#I have something to say but ya'll won't like it#you guys reaaaallllyyy hate imperfect victims#I SAID IT#also I feel like because Curly's both a man + Captain people just assume he's immune#“the power balance is actually in Curly's favor!” Rewatch the birthday scene I'm BEGGING you. on my hands and KNEES#there is so much in the game that actively shows Curly is being manipulated but ya'll just close your eyes and villianize him#fun fact: you CAN be manipulated even if your workplace role happens to be higher than your manipulator!!! Crazy Ik!!!#+ the whole. being in space & working for a god awful company thing#“he should've shot Jimmy!” “He should've beat up Jimmy!”#I hate to break it to you but 1. laws exist and 2. if Curly beat up Jimmy he'd probably just get worse to Anya#cryopod is also a bad idea because 1. company will dock pay because of 'bad' resource use and 2. what if they get into a large emergency#requiring pods for survival#and JIMMY is in a pod#then it's been WASTED#you guys are NOT the problem solvers you think you are#okay rant over. for now#Curly they could NEVER make me hate/mischaracterize you#everything I mentioned are actual arguments that I've seen before btw
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yoyomomiko · 29 days ago
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WHAT ARE UR HEADCANONS 4 DAISUKE X READER??????
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Pairings: Daisuke x F!reader
Warnings: a lil cringe, maybe some cursing, not proofread, probably contains grammar mistakes, ENGLISH isn't my first language!!
(A/N): OMG I LOVE DAISUKE😍😍 ANYWAYS THIS IS KINDA SHORT AND RUSHED BECAUSE I WAS EXCITED TO WRITE THIS I'M SO SORRY👉👈 -> m.list
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★CRUSHING/CONFESSION
Hear me out, you fell first he fell harder.
I am very confident that at first he didn't even realize he himself had a crush on you... Like, he wanted to make you laugh more than he wanted to to the others, he always wanted to help you and be there for you... So, he pieced two and two together, and figured out that he actually was in love with you.
If he were to tell someone (probably not) it would OFCCC be our nice old man Swansea☺️
You see, Daisuke is very... Uhm, an idiot, so he won't understand when you're flirting with him. That's just him, he's too dense. You have to speak up, or else he won't pick up.
He always cracks jokes around you just to try and make you laugh😀
But like, it's so obvious he likes you
He's following you like a lost puppy, eager to please you in ANY way.
He's crushing on you so hard...
You kinda notice it since he just helps you with everything, offering help with your chores or just anything in general.
HE THINKS HE'S HIDING IT SOOO WELL BUT IN REALITY AT LEAST SOMEBODY CAUGHT UP TO IT (probably Swansea duh)
Let's say he's the one to confess first...
He would do it on accident for SURE. Do what you will with that information, let your imagination get ahead of you😍 (I'm actually lazy that's why I didn't write it but yeah whatever sue ME)
So then, he realizes what he said and then you also confess and BOOM, he's all over you. Good luck trying to get rid of him (who tf would do that🤨)
★DURING THE RELATIONSHIP
This man will go show you off the moment you two have an established relationship (unless you don't wanna)
RANTS TO SWANSEA ABOUT YOU
No but fr Swansea's probably tired of hearing him babble about you, he seriously had to force him to shut up just for a small moment of peace. BUT he secretly likes the fact that Daisuke is happy so like🤭
Daisuke is a really energetic guy so I feel like if you match his vibe he's never gonna let you go
LISTEN TO MEEE, he loves both physical affection AND words of affirmation, he's big on BOTH.
If he could, he would hold your hand forever, NEVER would he let go of you. He wants to hold you, close, for as long as possible.
If you decide at some point to sleep in the same bed, you will get cuddles every single night.
Big spoon or little spoon, he doesn't care. Just TOUCH him, in ANY way, he doesn't care and doesn't mind just do it!!
OMG PRAISE HIM
He always searches for your compliments, just PRAISE HIM please, tell him you're proud of him or something IDKKKK
"Did I do good?" "I'm doing great, right?"
UGH if there's something he loves most about you (he would kiss every inch of your body but whatevs) it's definetly your laugh.
Okay, maybe it's the way you praise him at the end of each day.
Okay, no, MAYBE it's the way you play with his hair while he slowly drifts to sleep from your soothing touch.
Okay, maybe he just loves you wholeheartedly and would do anything for you (he's whipped)
I imagine that he seeks out for head pats. Just pat his head. Pet him or sum idk ask him.
While in bed, he definitely headbutts your palm just to let you know what he wants. Cause like at first he just nudges you but if you don't get the hint, he'll straight up headbutt your hand (I saw someone say this and I love you for that)
CALL HIM A GOOD BOY UGHHH
Lowkey imagine if you called him a good boy tho that's crazy
I have to say that I think Daisuke, as much of a dumbass as he is, listens very well.
He's surprisingly very good at comforting you
He might now understand you, but he listens, and tries his best
TELL HIM YOU'RE PROUD OF HIM OMG
He's gonna find cheesy nicknames for you so buckle up >⁠.⁠<
Daisuke LOVES kissing you, there, I said it.
Whether it's a small peck on the cheek or a full on make out session, he's gonna enjoy it and THANK you.
He sometimes wonders how he pulled you ngl🤨
If like, some sort of small argument got in between you, he'll be apologizing on his knees and begging you to forgive him with snot running down
Imagine you called him a good boy that'd lowkey be crazy
If you somehow ever decide to wear a piece of clothing that belongs to him, it WILL be yours.
He's gonna squeal like a school girl and compliment youuu
Overall 10/10 boyfriend. He's sweet, charismatic, energetic, a bit of an airhead, kisses the ground you walk on, and bonus for being handsome.
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★yoyomiko ★miko
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mytheoristavenue · 4 months ago
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Premature Ejaculation with your Favs!
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Summary: You pity your incel classmate and pay his dorm a visit. Little do you know is all it takes is few French kisses to finish him off.
Warnings: college!au, modern!au, incel!character, virgin!character, misogyny, premature ejaculation, degredation, dom!reader, fem dom, sub!character, male sub
"O-Oh, fuck, please no, fuck-!" He hisses, shifting away from you, stiff as a board. "Oh my fucking god, shit, I'm so fucking sorry!"
All you can do is giggle at the wet spot on the front of his sweats and the humiliated crack in his voice. "Did you seriously jizz your pants?" You snort cruelly. "We were barely even making out!"
"D-Don't laugh! Fuck!" He scolds, covering himself as he awkwardly maneuvers off the bed. "Fuck's sake, cut me some slack, I've never done this before!"
"Awe, don't get all pissy!" You snicker, watching him waddle to the bathroom. "It's fine that you're a no pump chump, really! It's cute, actually!"
"I'm so glad you find this amusing," He grumbles, cleaning himself and dropping his sweats, walking out in just boxers and an old t-shirt. "'Cause I sure as hell don't." He ranted while tossing through a hamper to find a clean-ish pair of pants, having to do the sniff test on nearly everything.
"You really should clean your room, ya know? Maybe you'd actually get girls that way." You joke, lounging on his bed. "Girls don't like nasty rooms, dude."
He rolled his eyes, cheeks still pink. "Are you saying I don't get bitches?" He asked, stepping into a pair of pajama pants.
"More or less," You smirk at the irritated scowl he presented. "Also, don't call women bitches if you ever plan on changing that."
"All women are bitches," He says, turning back to you with a cocky grin. "And if I don't get any, why are you in my bed?"
"I felt bad for you, you're like a wet cat." You deadpan, hiding the fact that his last words dripped with more sex appeal than even he intended. "And I like messing with virgins."
"Shut up," He grumbled, the wind taken from his sails. "I don't need your pity, I could pull if I wanted to. Just got better shit to do."
"You mean like edging to hentai while all your friends go out to party?" You sneer, eyes flickering to his computer, pump bottle of lotion sitting beside the monitor so obviously.
"Oh my god, I hate you, is there a point to all this torment?" He finally asks, pacing the room, ready to throw you out.
You smile sweetly, catching his eye. You look so inviting as you lean back in his bed on your palms. "Hey, creep?" You coo and he gulps. He used to hate when you called him that, but now it melts him. He's already crawling over you nervously, shaking like a leaf.
"Y-Yeah?" He asks through quivering lips, hard on painfully obvious. You smirk at his short refractory period.
"Let's try again, yeah? I won't tell anyone you're a minute man if you try and hold out as long as you for me can this time m'kay?"
"O-Okay!"
Mezo Shoji, Katsuki Bakugo, Shihai Kuroiro, Neito Monoma, Mashirao Ojiro, Kosei Tsuburaba, Togaru Kamakiri, Shoto Todoroki, Shota Aizawa, Toya Todoroki, Enji Todoroki, Denki Kaminari, Sanemi Shinazegaua, Obanai Iguro, Giyuu Tomioka, Guytaro Shabana, Inosuke Hashibira, Zenitsu Agatsuma, and whoever else you like!
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singmyaubade · 2 months ago
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Good Graces
exes!steddie x female!reader
summary: coming back from chicago, the last people you expected to see were you exes but for them, the only thing they wondered when they saw you was, what's it gonna take to get back in your good graces?
warnings: eventual smut! 18+ angst, cursing, reader wants to kill steve, , swearing, unprotected sex, praise, oral (male receiving), jealousy..
a/n: i feel like this is going to be a two-parter most likely but i wanted to write this so bad because i love the song off of short n' sweet. i don't usually write for steddie but i was craving this concept. anyways, i hope you and enjoy and as always, i apologize if you hate this.
You dragged your luggage with a grunt as you passed through baggage claim over to the exit. A part of you was thoroughly regretting bringing two big suitcases but if you were spending two months of your summer in Hawkins, Indiana.
You certainly needed it.
Your eyes wandered all over the place to spot your childhood friend and cousin, Robin. She excitedly waved her hand side to side, an ecstatic grin that reached both of her dimples.
You could spot the balloons and welcome home sign from a mile away and that was enough to confirm that was Robin.
She excitedly waved her hand side to side, an ecstatic grin that reached both of her dimples. She started racing towards you before she almost tripped over the decorations in her hand.
You giggled as you raced over to her to prevent her from causing actual damage to herself, "Jeez Robin, still clumsy?" You asked, snorting.
She rolled her eyes, "This is hard to carry all by yourself!" She exasperated, causing her to pout.
"Aww poor baby," You mocked, pinching her cheek as she swatted your hand away.
Instead of saying anything else, she hugged you. You smiled sweetly, embracing her back, glad to see her and talk to her instead of the same static on the telephone.
"I missed you," You whispered, smile still on your face.
"Uh, I missed you more!" Robin almost yelled, pulling away from you, "You have to tell me everything about Chicago," She said, grabbing on of your suitcases for you.
You started telling Robin about everything and she kept replying with her gasps and 'oohs' when you told her all about acting school.
Even you had to admit that going to Chicago straight out of high school was not exactly a sentence jotted down on your bucket list.
But when you get accepted to one of the top acting schools in Chicago, you can't exactly decline. Of course, you were sad to leave everything behind.
Your friends, your family, even the shitty diner on 15th street but you knew that you would come back to visit, it was guaranteed.
You usually would've stayed with your parents but they decided to go on a three month trip to the Caribbean but they did make it clearly that they would miss your presence.
And you were also glad to be able to spend time with Robin since you hadn't been able to see her in so long.
But you couldn't say you didn't miss her nosy questions or constant rambling,
"You have to tell me about all your latest conquests!" She said, driving but peeking her head at you to encourage you to answer.
You rolled your eyes, "I'm still perplexed that you can even drive, is it even legal for you to drive?" You snickered, changing the subject.
She scoffed, "Okay first of all, I am an amazing driver and second, you aren't changing the subject from the tragic discussion of your love life,"
You gasped offended, "My love life is not tragic!" You folded your arms, "And I just don't feel the need for something like that right now,"
Robin exasperated, "All you have told me about your love life is two exes who you literally call 'fuckface' and 'dickhead' which is not a confirmation of a successful love life," Robin ranted, "And you still have yet to tell me who these mystery men are!"
"They aren't important," You mumbled, nuzzling into the cold window.
Robin sighed, "You shouldn't let whoever those assholes were determine your love life, Y/N."
Robin wasn't usually serious with you but you knew that it did make her sad to see you never truly opening your heart because of two men that had screwed you over.
You shrugged as Robin looked at you, "But I'll still get you Benny's,"
You sat up in excitement, "Are you serious?" You asked, grinning ear to ear.
"Ugh yes, we can even eat the greasy burger in the car like old times," Robin said with a smile as you cheered.
By the time you and Robin had gotten your burgers, you were asking her about her life and what she had been up to as you bit into your greasy cheeseburger.
Robin shoved a few fries in her mouth before talking, "What do you wanna know?" She asked, mouthful.
You swallowed before answering, "Hmm... what are they like? But no names!"
Robin snorted, "Are you really still serious about the 'no name policy'?"
The 'no name policy' came from your acting school where you don't let someone introduce you to someone privately until you actually see them and you only learn their name when you see them.
And Robin also couldn't tell her friends who you were because that would be missing the entire point.
Robin thought it was stupid but you thought it was productive.
"Um yes!" You said loudly, "It's actually incredibly helpful when you think about it."
Robin chuckled, "What if you already know them?"
"Then I'll be reintroduced," You said, smugly.
"Alright," Robin said, "Well one of them is an absolute dingus to the maximum," You giggled as she went on, "But he is pretty funny and kind but clumsy when you meet him, I think you would like him,"
"He seems fun," You replied before Robin moved on.
"Then there's the other one, he's an absolute pothead and extremely eccentric but when you look past that, he's a pretty nice guy and actually really fun to be around, I think you would like him too." Robin said, eating the last bite of her burger.
"That's cool," You smiled.
Robin continued to go on about the different kids there and how the three adults including her were their babysitters which you thought was hilarious.
As you finished up your burger and fries, you threw the trash out before you and Robin were driving towards her house.
"Oh and also, we are going to one of their houses tonight," She said as she checked her watch, "Or as soon as you put your bags down because we are late!" She yelped, urgently parking.
You laughed as you both grabbed your luggage from the trunk, making your way inside the house and to her room. You barely had time to situate yourself before Robin was rushing you because of her own late actions.
By the time you could blink, you were both already inside the car, making it towards her friends house.
"Also," She cleared her throat, "He's kind of loaded so don't make a big deal out of it,"
"How rich are we talking?" You joked with a sly smile.
"Again, he's a dingus with no charm," Robin said, "You will forget he's rich extremely fast,"
You laughed, looking outside despite it being dark. A part of you really missed Hawkins considering you grew up there and you heavily missed the late night car drives that you took.
Another part of you though was scared that you might run into two individuals during your time back home but you were pretty sure Robin wouldn't ever even be in their social circle, let alone her area.
Robin pulled into a house and you couldn't really make out it's features but you could swear that you recognized the street.
Robin unbuckled her seatbelt as she spoke, "We've arrived," She said hauntingly as you giggled.
You both exited the car as you heard laughing and yelling on the inside which cause Robin to bang on the door with a heavy knock, almost as if she was the police.
You hissed at the knock as she shrugged before the door opened and the last person you had expected to see opened the door,
"Robin, I literally said the time to be here was seven, not eight!" He sighed, looking at her before locking eyes with you.
Steve fucking Harrington.
He still looked the exact same, brown curly strands still standing on his head, looking effortlessly perfect. His muscles flexing as he held open the door and same brown doe-eyed eyes that looked at you with a certain glint.
Not even his outfits had changed, same jeans and striped polo shirt, you wanted to choke him.
Or fuck him, it was hard to decide.
"Okay well, I had to pick my cousin up from the airport and I got sidetracked!" She whined, speaking to Steve but his eyes were locked onto yours, "And speaking of my cousin, this is Y/N." Robin introduced.
Silence sat there for a few more seconds that felt like minutes as you and Steve looked each other. He looked uneasy but you knew your face was showing a disgruntled look as Robin looked at the both of you.
He coughed, snapping out of it, "Uh hi,"
You stood there with the same look on her face as Robin looked like a lightbulb popped on top of her head.
Her mouth made an 'o' shape, "Do you guys know each other?"
"This is one of the exes," You said as you clicked your teeth and Robin looked as if she found out something outrageous.
"Wait which one? The one who broke up with you after taking your virginity and started dating another girl or the one you caught sleeping with another girl after his concert," Robin asked.
"Robin!" You squealed, looking at her as if you wanted to choke her.
"I'm curious!" She replied as Steve continued looking at the both of you with the same wide-eyed expression.
You waved her off before you looked back at Steve, "Whatever, I don't give a shit anymore," You said, shoving his shoulder as you entered the house you had seen a multitude of times before.
You and Steve Harrington's relationship was not something to call home about. You had dated him before he was Steve 'The King' Harrington. He was so sweet for the first part of your relationship, when it was the beginning of school and clique's weren't sorted.
This was until Carol and Tommy had recruited him and their first proclamation was that he dumped you if he ever wanted to be anything in Hawkins High.
So you met up with Steve that night and you both said that you had things to talk about. After some back and forth, he let you go first and you told him you were finally ready to give up your virginity.
And let's just say, instead of breaking up with you there and then, he decided to do the most absolute dickhead thing and take it anyway. After, you were happy and it was a great first time, Steve was kind and compassionate.
He drove you home and then your life hit a certain darkness when you went to school the next day. Instead of seeing your boyfriend immediately, Carol and Tommy approached you in the parking and they told you that Steve had broken up with you and found something better.
And then in between periods, you saw him and a girl named Susie Blickens extremely close to each other as she twirled her hair and he rested his hand above her head on the locker.
Not only did you wanna puke but you were fucking furious. Of course, you were sad, there wasn't counting how many times you had cried over him but eventually, all of it turned to anger.
He would walk past you as if nothing happened and that was when you swore that you would always hate his guts till the day you die.
Hence, why he looks like a dear in headlights seeing you.
As you entered the living room, you were greeted by all of the teenagers on the couch, causing absolute chaos.
A kid named Dustin introduced himself to you first, offering a handshake which made you laugh before he continued arguing with his friend.
The rest of them just smiled at you but you figured you would learn their names throughout the night.
You sat in the empty arm chair facing away from the front door and Steve in general. You could hear Robin and Steve whisper arguing but it did not intrigue you.
"So you go to school in Chicago?" A girl named Max asked you as you politely smiled.
"Yeah," You responded.
"And how is it?" A girl named El followed up.
"It's pretty fun, the windy city is exactly what you think it would be." You answered.
"Did you meet any cute boys?" Max asked as a boy you presumed was her boyfriend yelped a 'hey!'
You both giggled, "They are pretty okay but they aren't as interesting as you would think."
The two girls you were talking to giggled as they began whispering as you clapped your hands in your lap, looking around Steve's house.
Nothing had changed much but you were happy to see more pictures added to the walls. You knew Steve didn't have the best relationship with his parents but in a way, his house looked more homely.
Maybe he did that himself.
You watched the kids bicker a few minutes more as you watched the dynamics between them all. You were actually having a semi good time for the most part and were pretty sure the night couldn't get worse.
You felt a hand cup the top of the arm rest before speaking, "Wow, you let the pretty girl steal my seat," The voice you recognized all too well spoke.
Oh fuck no.
You looked behind you to see Eddie Munson who had the same expression that Steve did, trying his best to find the words to say to you.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" You asked as the kids snapped their neck at your foul language.
Eddie gulped, "Y/N,"
You were pretty sure a vein was popping from your forehead and by the way Eddie was looking at you, it was almost as if your hair was on fire.
"Is Robin friends with every asshole in Hawkins?" You meant to ask in your head but said it instead out loud.
"Maybe," Eddie sent an awkward laugh which only made you angrier, "Listen, I know we didn't end on the best of-" He started.
You stopped him immediately, "Are you seriously about to say the best of terms? You fucking cheated on me!" You yelled as Eddie hissed in pain, as if you were touching him with a hot iron.
The kids gasped, full attention on you and Eddie but there was not a bone in your body that cared.
"Y/N, I swear I've changed and I tried apologizing many times," He tried his best to mediate but it was to no avail.
"I meant what I said the day you did it, you can go fuck yourself and I will hate you till the I die," You spat, pushing past him, moving towards Robin.
With Eddie, you didn't need that many words to explain the situation. He was different from Steve and the second boy that you genuinely liked. He made you laugh and gave you free pot which was both a great deal.
And you had to admit that he gave the best head to ever exist.
But when you went to one of his concerts for his band, Corroded Coffin, you went backstage to surprise him and caught a blonde giving him head.
He almost had the same look he had when he just saw you.
But let's just say it didn't end the best when you grabbed the blonde haired girl by her hair and started hitting Eddie with the fan you were using to cool yourself down.
It took a while for Gareth to get you off of Eddie but you eventually just walked away and never spoke to Eddie again despite his desperate tries over the phone and at your house.
And that was that.
Steve was next to Robin but she swatted him away as she sees you approaching, "How did you manage to become friends with the two most heinous men in Hawkins?" You asked, genuinely pissed.
Robin looked lost for words, "I mean okay, I get that maybe you would've dated one but I didn't expect for you to date both Steve Harrington and Eddie Munson!" She rambled, "I can't believe those are the faces behind fuckface and dickhead,"
"It's not your fault," You groaned, "I'm just shocked and choosing whether to kill them or just heavily injure them." Your jaw moved to the side as you glanced behind them as they were both peering at you, looking away once you saw them, trying to play it off.
"Listen, I know they are absolute buttheads but I swear they've changed and I won't try to convince you but I'm begging you to give them a chance," Robin implored.
You sighed, not wanting to cause a rift between Robin and her friends even if you hated them more than anything in the world.
"Okay," Is all you said as Robin let out a breath.
"Okay," She repeated.
She led you both to the couch as you sat down next to her on the big couch with Eddie peering at you in his armchair and Steve running his hand through his hair aggressively as he sat next to Robin.
Even the kids could feel the tension in the room. Robin broke the silence with a laugh before speaking, "Okay! How about we play Monopoly?" She asked as everyone agreed in little 'yeahs' and 'sures.'
You were surprised Eddie didn't argue for D & D.
Mike grabbed the game, laying it in on the coffee table. The kids yelled for which little figurines they wanted but Steve quickly snatched the dog before looking at you.
He reached over Robin to hand it to you as you looked at him with a hateful expression, "Uh, I just remember it being your favorite to play with." He muttered.
A part of you wanted to scoff and grab another figurine but he had been right, it was your favorite.
Sadly, it only brought you back the the memories of when you and Steve dated.
"I still don't understand why you like playing this game considering I always school you," You cockily said as Steve mockingly laughed.
His face went close to yours, "We always know I win," He said, giving you a light peck before you could respond.
You smiled, "Alright Harrington, let's test your bluff,"
He set the game down on the table as he began setting up the board and the money.
You reached to grab your dog figurine before he snatched it from you within seconds, causing you to frown.
"But if I take your good luck charm, maybe I could win," He snickered as you rolled your eyes.
"In your dreams," You said, acting like you didn't care.
Steve watched you with a grin for a few seconds before approaching you, slipping the dog into your grip.
You smiled sweetly as Harrington grabbed your waist, "I'll always let you have the dog if it means I get to see you happy,"
You scrunched your nose, "You are the corniest person I know,"
"You know you love it," He whispered, kissing you again,
You hesitated, taking the miniature sized dog, not daring to say anything to him. Steve watched to see if you would smile but your facial reaction didn't change.
He frowned as Eddie began speaking, "Okay, let's do this!"
The kids immediately started to somehow play Monopoly aggressive which only earned a laugh from you. What made you laugh even harder was seeing how passionate Eddie, Steve, and Robin were about the game.
A little part of you had missed being around all of them in their own separate way.
Chicago was fun but it didn't have the same home feeling that you got when you were back at Hawkins.
After a couple rounds and your money only slipping, you excused yourself to get a soda.
"Do you need help finding anything?" Steve asked, already ready to get up from his seat.
"I'm sure I'll be fine," You said quickly, moving towards the kitchen.
Steve sunk into his seat as you began reaching to grab a cup from the cupboard above you. Before you could go on your tippy toes, a taller hand grabbed it for you as you sighed.
You turned around to see Eddie only inches away from you as he placed the glass down next to you.
You only glared at him as he smirked, eyeing you up and down which only earned a scoff from you.
Not that you would ever say this out loud, Eddie still never hesitated to make you nervous. From his tattoos to leather jacket and the way he would eye you, it made you feel like a teen girl again.
He was still the bad boy and as much as you wanted to act unbothered, it still turned you on.
Silence passed between the both of you for several seconds, trying to see who would break first.
"Can you not?" You asked, crossing your arms.
"She speaks!" He over-dramatically yells!
"You are a joke," You said, trying to move past him as he only caged you in.
He leaned down to whisper in your ear, "You used to like it,"
A shiver crept down your spine as you tried to keep your composure.
"You are not gonna flirt your way into getting me to forget that you cheated on me!" You argued as Eddie swirled his tongue in his mouth, looking up with a hand still leaning on the cupboard.
"How many times do I have to apologize?" He asked, looking at you.
"Instead of apologizing, I can suggest you trying to go fuck yourself," You spat, shoving him but he still kept his body in the same place.
"I just don't do it like you," He pouted which only caused red, hot anger to fill you.
You slapped him which only caused a smile from Eddie as he moved closer to your face, a hand moving to your waist.
"There she is," He grinned against your ear as you looked at Eddie, a part of you wanting to close the gap.
Suddenly, you heard a cough from behind Eddie as you looked over to see Steve. He looked flustered, watching the sight of you and Eddie.
You finally pushed Eddie hard out of the way, moving past Steve before exiting as you rushed over to Robin, "Can we leave now?" You asked, a begging look in your eyes.
"Yeah, why?" She asked, looking at you but you only pleaded with your eyes,
"Okay, let me just tell Steve." She said, handing you her keys.
You quickly said your goodbye's to the teens as you exited outside of the door before Eddie or Steve could catch up to you. You went inside the passenger side of the car as you wanted to scream.
The hatred you felt for Steve and Eddie was consuming but a heavier force was the effect they still had on you.
Steve was kind and compassionate, showing you the golden side of love which you always showered in.
And then there's Eddie who's rough and taunting, showing you the toxic side which never failed to make you falter within seconds.
Instead of only having one to resist, both only made you more turned on.
And if you were feeling this now,
Who knows how the rest of the summer will go?
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themindofachronicdaydreamer · 3 months ago
Text
Perspectives
marshmallow floof plot: Megumi recalls you and Gojo falling in love through his eyes. content: fem! reader, megumi is in denial about caring about Gojo, Gojo is obsesseddddd with you shamelessly, but its okay because so are you with him! warning!: megumi is not good with emotions :/ or tolerating Gojo word count: 5.7k satoru gojo x reader note: can we pretend utahime and gojo are the same age pls and thank u - also i am delusional and in my head suguru did not defect so gojo never had to go thru all of that okay <3333 anywau i hope you enjoy!! put a lot of thought and love into this!
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At only six years old, Megumi was already quite intelligent. As an extremely perceptive child, he understood far more than he should have at such an age. Typically, kids his age were naive and gullible; Megumi however was the complete opposite, and that was partially due to his aloofness.
When Satoru Gojo first met Megumi, he felt like he was talking to a grandpa in a miniature body, sassing anyone who dare interact with his little self. As stern and as gloomy as the boy persisted on to be, though, Gojo picked up on hints of tenderness and compassion laced between every word Megumi spoke about his sister, Tsumiki. Easily, Gojo could discern what he deemed too much deeply rooted pain and defensiveness in the young Fushiguro. Having his guard up was engraved into his mind; the wall he placed between him and the world had it's own sector in his immune system and acted with automaticity, an innate defense mechanism.
Despite all of the anguish intertwined in every breath Megumi exhaled, and despite his cold nature he employed to protect himself from being hurt again as he has before; despite being abandoned, and despite not being surprised he was; despite not even hitting double digits, yet already carrying the attitude of a the wisest owl; despite all of the thoughts racing through Gojo's head, he knew Megumi was special. Though a part of it may have been due to the responsibility he felt over the boy after murdering his father, Satoru Gojo was confident in one thing: he would take care of this kid like his life depended on it.
From then on, Gojo took the role of Megumi's benefactor, funding him and his sister so that they could live without worry. Megumi begrudgingly allowed him to endow his life, though it was rather difficult. The guy was so over-the-top and bothersome when he decided to actually go and physically check up him. Visits from were sparse, though, if Megumi really cared or needed anything, Gojo was always a text away.
And soon he would learn that you were, too.
The first time your existence was brought to Fushiguru's attention, it was mildly unintentional on Gojo's end. He was completing his routine check-in on Megumi about six months after taking him under his wing, ensuring he was doing fine in school - other than the fights he found himself in every now and again, of course. And after everything checked out okay, he rambled on about his week and how exhausting it was being the strongest, greatest individual to exist in this time and how much Yaga has been up his ass since he was promoted to principal and blah blah blah...
"Can you believe he was expecting me to get to the school before nine A.M.? Hah! Funny man. I need my beauty sleep. How else would I always look this handso- Oh!"
Megumi, who was in no way religious, praised in that moment whatever God up above sent a call to Gojo's phone at that exact moment, for he failed to believe he could have pretended to listen to another second of his unimportant and unnecessary rant. It truly was over-the-top, and Megumi was not a fan. He had never, nor did he think he would ever, warmed up to the way Gojo's ego seems to make a nearly empty room feel claustrophobic.
"Heyyyyy!" Gojo dragged, acting like a highschool girl with the way he twirled the end of his hair and giggled at whoever was at other end of the phone. If Megumi cared to look closely enough (which he totally doesn't, since he is so disinterested in Gojo and does not dare to look at him too long or he will automatically become annoyed), a rosy hue could barely be seen on the apples of the older man's cheeks, growing more and more apparent the longer the phone call went on.
Obviously, Megumi did not want to listen to the likely boring conversation, but since he was stuck in the same room as Gojo, he had no other choice but to eavesdrop on the phone call. Or, more accurately, he was playing detective to solve the mystery of who on the other end was transforming Gojo, as childish as he is, into a tweenage boy talking to a cute girl for the first time.
"I'm with Fushiguru, actually," Megumi overheard, his interest only minutely piqued after hearing his name. Whoever was on the other end must have known who he was already given the way Gojo did not feel the need to elaborate on who exactly Fushiguru was. That irked Megumi.
"Yeah, just hanging out, you know. I'd say we're best buds! Right, Megumi?" Gojo moved the phone away from his ear and looked at the boy across from him expectedly.
"No," is all Megumi spoke in response.
Gojo's eyes widened slightly, not expecting such a response, before he laughed and continued, "Silly guy! Such a silly guy."
The call took way too long and Megumi was half tempted to leave the room, but he was still getting used to Gojo and did not fully understand what his role was in his current situation. Was Gojo considered a houseguest? Was Megumi supposed to have something prepared as a thank you? Even if he was, he wouldn't do that for Gojo. What if something went wrong, or Gojo did something stupid? Tsumiki was at her after school club, being the natural social butterfly she was. Megumi had assumed the role of the man of the house at merely seven, and he was not going to disappoint her or let anything go haywire on his watch. This was his roof, and nothing would happen to their humble little abode under his watch.
Finally, Gojo said his goodbyes to whoever he was speaking to, set his phone down, and sighed in the most i-must-be-living-in-a-daydream-because-there-is-no-way-life-can-be-this-good-and-i-am-so-in-love-but-i-dont-even-know-it sort of way.
"You would like her," Gojo broke the silence after a few moments of savoring the butterflies in his stomach.
"Who was that?" Megumi queried, and if Gojo listened closely, he could hear echos of intense interest in the boy's simple question.
"A friend from work."
"You don't have friends."
"Hey!"
-----
After your existence was brought to light, it became a thing that whenever Gojo visited, he spent half the time on the phone - whether texting or on a phone call, it didn't matter. He was always talking to you.
Megumi supposed he should have felt grateful since Gojo finally became less unbearable. His check-ins, although hard to predict when they would be or how long in between they would reoccur, became less about how much Gojo loves himself and more about... well, you. It was a nice change from hearing his neverending egocentric comments, to be fair. Megumi was not complaining.
"You remember her, right, Megumi?" he asked while walking Megumi home from school one day. He was on a tyrant about something that had happened at Jujutsu High a few days prior before realizing he might had forgotten about the most important detail: you. The chance that Megumi may not even know who he was speaking about generated a sharp gasp escaping from Gojo's lips.
"Yes. She's all you talk about," Megumi deadpanned. What a stupid question, the boy thought to himself, when Gojo asked this every single time he bothered to show his face around here.
Gojo chuckled, responding in a voice that was way up in the clouds, as if he was skipping through a meadow abundant with good feelings and the potential for new relationships, "Hm, yeah. I guess you're right! Sorry, kid. Just had to make sure you knew."
At this point, Megumi learned a lot about you: You taught second-year sorcerers at Tokyo Jujutsu High, you went to Kyoto Jujutsu High, you were in same year as Gojo was, you were acquaintances for a while, your best friend (unfortunately so, as Gojo whined when he told Megumi) was Utahime, who was oddly protective of you and rude for no reason to Gojo (it is most definitely within reason), you were the most selfless person to walk the surface of this planet, you cared more for others than for yourself, and you and Gojo were really, really, really good friends now that you worked together and you two were close and he was friends with you and you texted him all the time and hung out too and you spent time together and you are theprettiestpersonhehadeverplacedhissixeyeson-
Basically, Megumi knew more about you than he comfortably should, and you were all Gojo seemed to talk about now.
Megumi found it sort of... endearing how much Gojo spoke about you. For someone so certain in himself and all of his glory, it was nice to hear him talk about someone else that way. He discerned an innocent intent in Gojo's actions, from the soft grin that graced his face when he rattled on about you, to the way he had begun to ask eight-year-old Megumi for advice on women (which he has surprisingly been helpful with - especially the time when Gojo didn't know if you'd prefer a specific flavor of mochi over another, and Megumi's suggestion ended up being the perfect one because it was your favorite). And though he would never, ever utter the words out loud, Megumi enjoyed hearing Gojo talk about you. It brought him down to earth and made him feel more like a mortal being; even Satoru Gojo crushed, fawning over you like you were a brand new toy and he was a toddler unwrapping gifts on Christmas Day. Even the man who had everything in the world simply wanted just like the rest of the world; he yearned for things in life that he did not ("Not yet, but surely soon!" Megumi was certain Gojo would say if he could read minds) have.
The two boys sat together at Megumi's, eating some sweets Gojo brought back from his mission. Gojo had a bouquet of flowers set delicately on the table in front of him, preparing himself to go to your house after his pep talk with Megumi and ask you on a date. Finally.
Staring at the flowers beside him, Gojo resolved to pick a flower out of the bouquet; a pretty, pale pink daisy that reminded him of the shade of your cheeks when he teased you. He rolled the green stem of the daisy back and forth between his index finger and thumb while echoing the declarations of his planned speech confessing his feelings for you. He had his heartfelt soliloquy memorized, but he was still feeling... apprehensive.
"She loves me," Gojo began, plucking a petal off of the flower and setting it delicately on the table. He spoke lowly, as if his life depended on the resolution he would find when he would extricate the last of the daisy's petals.
Megumi looked up from the book he was reading - a true crime mystery he had been quite invested in - to figure out what the man next to him was doing.
"She loves me not," Gojo plucked another petal, placing it on top of the other one he had already taken off.
Ah, Megumi understood it now. He's transforming into a child; his obsession with you had turned his brain to mush. He had now, mentally, been beat by Megumi, descending into the intellect a five year old smitten with a kindergarten crush.
"She loves me!" Gojo chirped. He plucked another petal before reporting with a glum tone, "She loves me not."
This went on and on. Megumi observed without a word and Gojo continuing the game that is so typically played on on a children's playground.
How on earth did you have such a drastic effect a man so above the rest of society? The man put on a pedestal by all of the Jujutsu world; the one who could take on any obstacle and leave without a scratch; the same guy who died and brought himself back to life; he could isolate himself from the rest of the world in an instant using only his limitless technique, yet, you always found a way to draw him back him - and somehow, somewhere in the mix, you had The Strongest Sorcerer wrapped around your finger.
"She loves me, Megumi!" Gojo proclaimed when he picked the final petal from the flower. "I mean, of course she does. Look at me."
Ah, there was the daily dose of Gojo's big ego; his head was as inflated as expected, but was on display little later than usual. Megumi referred to it as The Daily Dose of Gojo: DDG. He was bound to hear at least once a day about how much Gojo loved himself, whether through text or in person. But today, it was more like he was venturing to persuade himself on that fact, too.
Megumi then realized that this was the first time he had seen Gojo nervous.
He wondered what about you could make Gojo nervous, because not even the strongest of curses causes The Strongest Sorcerer to break into a sweat. What exactly is it that you have that grants you the title of the one human who could make Satoru Gojo nervous? He understood that you were special to him, but he still had never met you, and he is starting to want to.
He wasn't sure why he felt so protective over you. You were a twenty-year-old woman who he has never even met in person, even though he knew from Gojo the color of your eyes and the smell of the perfume you always wore. One thing was for sure, though: if Satoru Gojo messed with your heart, Megumi would fight him with all of the effort his child body could exert in one go, then kick his ass all the way to the core of the earth to be at such a heat that his infinity disfunctioned, ensuring he suffers for ever even considering toying with your feelings.
-----
"Fushiguru!" Gojo hollered as Megumi exit his elementary school.
Megumi glared at the white-haired male as he stalked toward him, untrusting of the motives at play. Gojo watched the child over the rims of his sunglasses, a toothy smile spread across his face while he waved excitedly. He had something planned, as per usual.
"What do you want?" Megumi groaned, and he eyed the two individuals in front of him with suspicion, though he already had an idea on who you were.
It was an uncommon sight for him to be picked up from school, but for Gojo to be accompanied by someone other than Ijichi was borderline shocking. There was only one person you could be, however, and Megumi suppressed the fluttering of excitement he felt as he saw you.
"Hey! Rude to speak to your elders like that," Gojo jested flippantly. "I want you two to meet!"
Fushiguru listened as Gojo repeated every syllable of your name that he has repeated a million times before. It rolled smoothly off of his lips, like caramel drizzle on the sweetest treat from his favorite bakery. It has been about two months since you, somehow willingly, agreed to a date with Gojo. It has been about a month since you agreed to officially be his girlfriend, which Yaga was not the most pleased to hear, but Gojo dealt with that and ensured the security of both of your jobs.
"Hi, Fushiguru!" You waved, a wide smile adorning your face. "Nice to meet you! Gojo talks about you all of the time."
"Hi," Megumi quietly said. He suddenly felt shy in your presence. You stood in front of him in all of your beauty, with the kindest smile on your face and the softest look in your eye, gazing at him as if he were the most important person in the world. Gojo did not do you justice when describing you to him.
And suddenly, everything Gojo ever said about you made complete sense - now, he finally understood how even the famed Satoru Gojo fell victim to the enigma that was you.
"I'm a friend of Gojo's! I wanted to meet you, and I don't know if you would want to, but I would love to get to know you," you offered. You folded your hands together in front of you and smiled politely toward the young boy. You were doing your best to not look too nervous because you really did want to get to know this kid, but from what Gojo's told you, he was not the most sociable character. Something about his melancholy aura is rather intimidating, to say the least, and you were doing your best to accommodate.
"...will he be there?" the kid questioned after some thought. As he spoke, he pointed his thumb toward his benefactor who immediately took offense to whatever he was implying, whining loudly in the background of what had become the two of yours conversation.
"Who, Gojo? Oh, well, he doesn't have to be," you suggested over Gojo's objections. "It can just be you and me. Or, if you are more comfortable with it, he can come with-"
"No. No Gojo," he interrupted. Gojo continued in his protests, but they all drowned into white noise as Megumi continued. "But sure."
You craved so badly to smile widely, high five Gojo for the feat you just accomplished, jump up and down, and display your excitement for his agreement on your face. But you were so worried you would scare him off, so instead, you opted for a soft smile while you said, "Great! Is now okay?
"Sure," he returned, emotionless as always.
"Perfect. Your pick on what we do. And it's on Gojo!"
And you walked away, ignoring Gojo whining after you. You'd coddle him tonight when he would inevitably pout to you about abandoning him for a little kid. For now, though, the important task at hand was getting to know Megumi Fushiguru - who reluctantly held your hand as you walked to the arcade he selected.
From then on, you were a common face in Megumi's life.
When he was in fourth grade, the two of you started a tradition where every other week, you would pick him up early from school and get ice cream and talk (as much as Megumi was willing to, at least). You had surprised him after school one day a couple months ago, and the routine stuck after he asked you to go again the couple weeks later. Not that you ever complained - you would never in your right mind take for granted Megumi willingly hanging out with you.
"So, how has school been?" you probed, Megumi begrudgingly held your hand as you walked through the busy streets of Tokyo (he claimed he was old enough to walk on his own, but you told him it was just for your own sanity in the scary world of Tokyo and when he turned ten you wouldn't do it anymore, and who was he to deny you of peace of mind when that is all you ever wished upon everyone els?).
"Fine," Megumi muttered. He was not the most fond of crowds, which was glaringly obvious as he squeezed your hand more aggressively the farther you ventured into the city. So yeah, maybe he did kind of appreciate your overprotectiveness.
That was the day you learned Megumi had his first crush.
Well, okay, it wasn't really a crush. He just thought someone was cute.
As you sat side-by-side, he ate his vanilla ice cream cone with chocolate sprinkles, you ate your choice of ice cream, and the two of you chatted - meaning you talked, and he occasionally threw in a word or two.
"Any girls you think are cute? Or guys?" You sought, emphasizing the teasing nature of your question by tapping your elbow into his side. Megumi glared up at you through the strands of his hair, but you could see the red tint on his pale skin - a sign you were on to something. "Ooooh! Tell me all about them!"
"Stop it," he sulked and stared off into the distance, ice cream forgotten in his hand. You could tell he was thoroughly embarrassed, but you just could not for the life of you get over how adorable he looked.
"Aw, Megumi. I'm just teasing. But you can always talk about that with me, you know?" you offered. "I can give you all the advice on girls. I would not recommend asking Gojo about them. His flirting skills are... unconventional. Plus, I know I'm your favorite. So just gives an excuse to rub it in his face!"
"Thanks," Megumi spoke broodingly. His ice cream was starting to melt a little down the side of the waffle cone. The treat regained his attention as he finally noticed the melting mess, and immediately, he tackled cleaning it up. He hated messes.
"So... does that mean I'm your favorite?" you interrogated. This had been a debate between you and your boyfriend for a long time now.
"Sure."
And amongst the crowds of people, you - a full grown adult - hollered and jumped up and pumped your fist in satisfaction, because that was the best thing anyone had every said to you.
-----
Megumi took back whenever he had the ignorant thought that Gojo was becoming more bearable. Completely rescinded it. He was absolutely the most unbearable human to ever have walked this planet; residing in the same millennia as this man was barely tolerable, let alone inhaling the same air or sitting in the same room.
Gojo wanted to propose to you and he wouldn't stop talking about it.
Or asking Megumi for advice.
Yeah. Satoru Gojo was asking an eleven-year-old boy for help proposing to his long-term girlfriend.
You had been dating for over three years, and Gojo was growing impatient; he wanted you to be fully his. Not that you weren't already, but he wanted to be officially - by the law, by the symbol of marriage, and by the ceremony that accompanied it. He wanted you to take his name and be a new addition to the Gojo lineage, and if it came to the day, maybe add some little ones to the family. It was getting the point where want wasn't enough to describe how he felt - it was a necessity to marry to, to be yours forever.
Megumi had grown a lot closer with you with the past months, even opening up a little. He mentioned to you his internal debate regarding "good people" and "bad people", to which you listened, you heard him, and you cared. Genuinely. You hugged him, and in that moment, he felt so loved, he never wanted to leave your arms - the arms that would protect him from anything scary, like nightmares or curses, and shield him from experiencing any more hardships. He wasn't used to that - yeah he had his sister, whom he loved so dearly and she did in return, to be cared by a motherly figure was something he had barely experienced.
For the life of him, he could not figure out how or why you willingly, even happily, subjected yourself to the hinderance that was Gojo. Every time he asked you why, you respond, "Oh, Megumi, you're a funny one!" and laughed the heartwarming laugh that made him feel like home. Megumi knew, deep down somewhere he wouldn't ever like to admit, that you were happy, and Gojo made you happy. He knew you loved Gojo. He was fully aware of all of that. And he had witnessed as your relationship grew more serious with time Gojo beginning to think for more than just himself - he grew as an individual, doing what he thought was best for the ones he loved, rather than what suited him best. Megumi knew that come to it, Gojo would lay down his life for you. If it meant making a deal with the most dangerous curse, or if it meant sacrificing his soul, Gojo would do it for you, and honestly, Megumi had the inkling that Gojo would do it for him too.
"What if I have a plane do the whole 'marry me?' in the sky? Ugh, but that is so overdone. I need to be creative and go all out for her. What do you think, Megumi?" Gojo inquired, to which Megumi only tuned back in because he heard the sound of his name.
"Just ask her. You know she'll say yes," Megumi grumbled what he already knew was fact.
"Well, of course she will. Who would turn down my handsome self?" Gojo gestures to his person, a confident smile on his lips. "But you're right. Ugh, Megumi, what do I do?" Gojo held an ebony ring box, anxiously passing it from one hand to the other and back, the piece of jewelry it contained an indicator of how serious he was about this. Why he was carrying such an expensive ring around so casually was beyond Megumi's pay grade, but he knew Gojo would not let anything happen to it.
"You'll figure it out," Megumi said, as he had no ideas either - you deserved everything in the world, and no proposal or material thing would be enough to thank you for all you have done for everyone else.
"Oh my god, I did!" Gojo jumped from his seat, giddy as a little kid, and celebrated whatever idea he came up with. He placed the ring box in his pocket, where he would protect it with every cell in his body.
"Great," Megumi said. He prayed to himself that Gojo would now finally get out of his hair.
"I'll take her on a nice trip - she's always wanted to sightsee in Europe, but hasn't had the time - and then, once we land in Greece, I'll do it there and- and I'll leave it at that. Don't wanna spoil the surprise yet for everyone. Thanks Megumi!"
And Megumi smiled a tiny little smile to himself as Gojo exited his house, excited for the two of you.
And he congratulated you when you came home from the trip Gojo planned for the two of you. You visited him and ran up, showing off the ring you were sure Gojo spared no expense on. Though, Megumi had already seen it from the hundreds of times Gojo showed him it, and not to mention all the pictures you send him from overseas.
And he continued to be excited for you as he helped you with planning - because if there is one thing to know about Megumi, it's that he is organized. So he helped you figure your ceremony out by ensuring all the paperwork you had and the appointments you booked and all of your purchases were kept track of, or else the wedding would have been a disaster. If Gojo asked him for help, though, he would laugh in his face and say absolutely not.
And then, before he knew it, the wedding was there. Megumi was the ring bearer, of course. He was almost 13 at that point, and he was starting to grow into himself and show signs of growing up (puberty!).
He felt... happy.
Happy for you. Happy for the new and official makeshift family that established itself. Happy to know that you were genuinely happy, and that for all of the love you constantly gave to others without hesitation, someone gave finally was giving you that love back, and then some. Because he saw how much Gojo adored you, and honestly, there was no one else he would want to be with you.
Now he stands, at Tokyo Jujutsu High for his first year at the school. His benefactor who drives him up the wall is his teacher, and now, not only does he have to deal with him normally, but he actually has to listen to him.
But at least you're there too. He has you, always.
And for that, he smiles. A rare smile reserved for the sparse moments where he is genuinely happy - and he is, because he knows you'll save him from Gojo if he needs you to.
The improvised family he's found himself in may not be exactly what he dreamed of, but he's happy with it nonetheless.
And he still struggles with the dilemma of what is good or bad, and he still struggles to find his purpose in the world, and he is still angry at the universe for putting him in this world when there was no reason for him to be there, and he still struggles with the pain of abandonment and his found comfort in solidarity.
But that's okay. It'll be okay. He has you. He has you because Gojo brought you into his life.
He's grateful for that.
Megumi hopes one day he can find the love you share for himself. But that's a problem for the distant future. And when he has another crush, you will be the first to know - not because he would admit it to you, but because somehow, you always know. You know him better than he knows himself at this point, and it's a scary talent you have, but one you most definitely possess.
With that, Megumi steps forward, walking alongside you into the building he will be at almost everyday for the next few years. While he wasn't holding your hand like old times, it was okay. Because he was growing up, and he had a future ahead of him that made you so excited for him.
"I'll see you later, Meg. Got a long day ahead," you bid farewell and ruffle his hair. The two of you stop in the barren hallway facing each other, and you are disappointed at how he keeps growing, and at some point in the near future, he will surpass your height. It feels like you're shrinking, honestly, with how fast he's growing.
But you always knew he would at some point, just like you knew that he would one day decline holding your hand while in public, and how one day he would outgrow your ice cream runs (though they still happen every now and then, just not as frequent as in the past).
"See you," Megumi responds.
"Love ya!" You lean and place a chaste kiss on the side of Megumi's head. You remember when you used to be able to place one on the top of his head without going on your tiptoes, but times are changing, or you're shrinking or whatever, and the side of the head will do.
"Yeah, love you, too," Megumi says, rushing the end of the sentence and turning around to walk away. You say it to him so often, and he loves you, but it's still difficult for him to express that.
But that's okay. It's all okay.
He knows whatever is in the future, you will protect him, and Gojo will watch over him, and everything will be okay. The two of you will love him unconditionally, even if he struggles to say it back.
And he'll never admit it, but if there is one thing he's grateful for in life, it's Gojo, for he brought you into his life, and what a blessing it is to exist at the same time as you do.
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"So, let me get this straight," you begin, staring at the three individuals in front of you. "You sent Megumi alone to find Sukuna's finger at some school, which was taken by random students who tried to unravel it, which ended in this kid-"
"Yuji Itadori, sensei!" Yuji introduces himself, saluting to you for some reason.
"Right. Itadori ate the finger. Sukuna's finger. And he is now Sukuna's vessel."
"Yup!" Gojo confirms and he gives you a thumbs up. "That about sums it up."
"So tell me why when I asked about three hours ago why all of the higher-ups were acting like they were shitting themselves, you didn't think to tell me what happened?" you ask, irritation with your husband woven in between every syllable you speak.
"I did, but I knew it would be fine, so I didn't want to worry you."
"Worry? Really? Do you know how worried I was when they said Sukuna was there?"
"Honey, you know I'm strong. I can face him."
Itadori looks to his new comrade, Fushiguru, to see if he was uncomfortable to watch the couple argue in front of them. He fails to be consoled when he sees Megumi wasison his phone nonchalantly as if nothing's wrong. Yuuji assumes Megumi was just tuning them out as a student being used to teachers bickering, so he decides to try to do the same. But it's not working.
"I don't care about your strength, I care about Megumi, and I care about the lives of those students, and-"
"Hey, Fushiguru?" Itadori says, and Megumi hums in response. "Is this normal?"
"-they were put at risk, Satoru! Do you understand that?"
With the couple continuing to argue in the background, Megumi looks up from his phone finally, answering, "Huh, this? Yeah. Get used to it. He's an idiot."
"Yes, baby, I understand, but I made a judgement call and I stand by that. I'm sorry-"
"Ah. Well, um. Can we leave? Do we have to stay?"
"-for not keeping you informed, but I promise you, I had it under control."
"Yeah. They won't even notice we're gone until one of them asks for our opinion and then they notice we're missing. It's just funny to watch them sometimes."
"The higher ups want to execute him! An innocent kid! And I know you got sweets in the middle of all of that. Are you serious-"
"You're used to this?" Itadori inquires, a naturally curious kid.
"-ly telling me that nothing different could have been done to prevent this?"
"I guess you could say that."
rawrrrr thank u for reading i love you SMMMM i loved writing this hehee <33333
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starlazergazer · 4 months ago
Text
Separated
Pairing: Anakin x Reader
Request: You could do a story where the reader and Anakin had something, but the order tried everything to separate them, and so Anakin wasn't there when she ended up dying. That will be the trigger for him to start doubting the order, and hating them, but it turns out that a reader from another universe, who is exactly the same as his, just shows up.
Warning: Angst! Almost character death, lots of swearing tbh my bad
Word Count: 7k
A/N: Changed the request just a bit hope that’s okay but obsessed with the overall premise! I’m thinking she needs a part 2 but let me know what y’all think!
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There was something uniquely terrifying about a silent Anakin Skywalker.
Everyone knew the jedi had a temper, it wasn’t something he was necessarily subtle about, there were few who had been at one time or another on the other end of it, you included.
But Anakin’s temper always exposed itself in the same way. Yelling, pacing, ranting. There were a number of times you had sat down before him waiting for him to get his lecture out of the way, letting him explode like a volcano before being able to actually have a constructive conversation with him.
You honestly couldn’t think of the last time you had seen him as he was now. Quiet, still, contemplative.
Admittedly there was a part of you that wanted to poke the bear, to say something that you knew would make him explode, force him back into charted territory so you knew how to deal with the fallout.
“I just don’t see the big deal”
Still nothing, a harsh glare boring down on you, arms crossed tightly over his chest, jaw clenched so harshly you could see the muscle through his skin, not a word.
“You do stuff like that all the time”
Just the steady rise and fall of his chest as he took measured, deep breaths.
You were returning home a hero, the entire hanger had cheered for you the moment you touched down, a hoard of people circling you with congratulatory hugs the second your foot touched solid ground, and still somehow Anakin had the power to make you feel like you’d failed.
This was supposed to be your moment and still somehow Anakin controlled the temperature in the room.
“I told you to turn back”
You’d stopped expecting him to speak, so thrown off by the sudden change you physically jumped at the sound of his voice, at how unexpectedly quiet it was.
“That was the wrong call and you know it”
Anakin took a deep breath at your response, his gaze cutting suddenly to the left, a moment passing as he collected himself before responding, that act alone almost making you faulter.
“If it was the wrong call I wouldn’t have made it. I told you to turn back”
“And you aren’t my reporting officer”
“This isn’t a game Y/N!”
The sudden explosion from the man would have surprised you if you hadn’t been unconsciously waiting for it, coiled like a spring waiting for Anakin to snap, waiting for him to yell, a weird weight lifting off your chest as you returned to normalcy.
“I know this isn’t a game do you?” You shot back quickly, just as loudly “He had coordinates, locations of nearly every battalion in the galaxy, information like that isn’t simply a pawn you can choose to trade away”
“Neither are you”
The response came too quickly, too quietly, too seriously for you to fully comprehend the words as he said them, your body physically recoiling at the sudden drop in temperature.
“I was fine”
“You were within firing range” he argued back, his hands coming down to rest on his hips as he glared at you “an entire separatist fleet was on the other side of that moon waiting for him to drag whatever republic ships he could towards them so they could shoot it down and you fell right into that trap”
“I didn’t have a choice”
“You had multiple” he shut you down without ever raising his voice, a single glare enough to silence you “listening to me for one of them”
“And if you had been in my shoes” you prompted “if you had been close enough to chase him would you have simply let him get away?”
“I would have-“ you scoffed before he could get the words out, seeing exactly where he was going before he got there.
“don’t lie to me Anakin Skywalker you treat risking your life as if it were a paying job”
You watched his jaw tick at your response, his words dying on his lips before he changed routs “I told you to turn back”
You let a humorless laugh bubble out of you, a frustrated hand raking across your face as you shook your head “I can’t believe you’re being so blatantly hypocritical right now”
“It’s different” his words came out so quick he seemed almost surprised to hear them himself.
“How?” you demanded more than asked, silently daring him to give you a legitimate answer you weren’t sure he could supply.
“I can’t-“ he cut himself off before he could finish, a huff escaping before he took a deep breath and continued “I need you to listen to me. When I tell you what to do I need you to listen to me”
“Even if-“
“yes” he cut you off before you could get your question off “whatever context, whatever quantifiers I don’t care. Out there I need you to listen to me”
Again his tone was throwing you for a loop. Gone was the anger, the frustration, the ire. Now he seemed to be almost begging, pleading with you to listen to him, to agree, to promise something like today wouldn’t happen again.
But you had made the right call. That was what was sticking with you. You know what you did was risky, hell you could get behind even calling it a little reckless, but objectively it was the right call. You were talking about locations of every troop of clones in the republic in the hands of the separatist’s how could he not see that this was worth anything, that taking down this spy was worth everything.
“Ani what-“
“There you two are” a new voice interrupted you, the sudden appearance of Obi-wan pulling you back to the present moment, reminding you that you and Anakin were in the jedi temple, that you had just come back from a mission, that you still had duties to uphold.
“Master Kenobi” you quickly greeted the man with a small bow, watching the man you had practically grown up under break out into a proud grin as he clapped you on the shoulder.
“That was a great shot Y/N” he praised you shaking you softly “you saved the Republic today I hope you know that”
And though you could feel your chest warm with the praise you couldn’t help but feel a small twinge because of it, not missing Anakin’s small scoff at Obi-wan’s words.
Anakin was your best friend, a man you grew up beside as a padawan, a man you had been practice dueling since you could hold a saber, and you had just pulled off a major victory for the Republic. Was it really too much to ask that your friend take just a second to be proud of you.
“Thank you master” you responded warmly nonetheless nodding at him “believe me when I say it wasn’t easy”
The older man laughed warmly at your words, dropping his hand from your shoulder as he did “that I don’t doubt but believe me when I say we are all glad your maneuver paid off, what you pulled was risky”
You shot a guilty glance at Anakin only to see the man casting his gaze at the floor, arms snaked back around his chest physically distancing himself from the two of you in this moment.
“Anyways what I came here to say is that the council is looking for the two of you” Obi-wan continued on, either choosing to ignore or missing the tension hanging in the air between you and Anakin “you need to debrief before you’re free for the evening.”
“Of course master” you answered for the two of you “we will be right there”
Obi-wan gave you an appreciative nod before taking his leave, casting a questioning glance at his former padawan before exiting the room, casting you and Anakin in a thick silence you were tentative to break.
“Ani-“ you tried but he cut you off.
“Look we’ll talk later” he muttered over his shoulder, already making his way out of the room “we shouldn’t keep them waiting”
-
You could never feel comfortable in the jedi council room, something you were sure was done by design as you and Anakin were forced into the middle of the room, made the literal center of attention.
Even as you knew you were here to receive praise for your actions you couldn’t help but shrink beneath Mace Windu’s gaze.
“-you exemplified what it means to be a jedi knight perfectly today jedi Y/L/N” Master Windu droned on, his voice thankfully lacking the usual edge it had when addressing you with Anakin in the room “we thank you for your actions today”
“I was just doing my job” you responded humbly as you were expected to with a respectful nod “but I am glad to have been of help”
“Of great help you were” Master Kloon chimed in pulling your attention to him as he spoke “the republic owes you a great debt today”
You smiled politely at Mater Kloon, gaze again being drawn across the room as Master Fisto picked up where Kloon left off, a part of you wondering if they did this on purpose to disorient you “we do however have one question regarding this situation. Jedi Skywalker you tried to order Jedi Y/L/N back”
“I did” Anakin’s response was quick with an edge to his voice that had you mentally sighing, you weren’t eager to witness Anakin go up against the council today. “The spy’s ship had reached firing range of the rest of the battalion anyone who followed him was likely to be shot before they could reach”
“Called her back before she reached firing range you did” Master Yoda spoke this time, eyes planted solely on Anakin as he spoke
“She was far back from the spy’s ship, by the time she reached him they would both be within firing range” Anakin countered through gritted teeth, you watched him ball his fists at his sides from the corner of your eye.
“That ultimately however proved not to be the case as she was able to take down the spy without any harm coming to her own fighter” Mace Windu spoke carefully, clearly organizing a path down which he planned to steer this conversation.
A tense silence passed for a moment, a staring contest passing between the Jedi master and the general before Anakin spoke “a miscalculation on my part then”
“It’s a good thing she ignored your miscalculation then” Master Windu offered dryly “we do however have access to the flight com logs. Would you like to explain jedi Skywalker why you ordered jedi Y/L/N not once but five times to turn back”
“Her pursuing as she did was a risk I wasn’t willing to make at the time master”
“Even when aware of the information that ship contained” Master Windu prompted with a raised brow “every troop location of the Republics army. Are you saying you weren’t wiling to risk the life of one jedi for the fate of this war Jedi Skywalker?”
“I don’t trade in lives Master” Anakin challenged back quickly.
“One life versus the lives of billions across the galaxy the math should be easy Jedi”
“we’re here to be Jedi knights not martyrs”
“And it is your duty as jedi knights to do whatever it takes to protect the republic as Jedi Y/L/N did”
“And if she had failed? If the inevitable had happened and she was fired upon the second she came within distance? What good would a dead Jedi knight have done anyone” Anakin was seething at this point, the familiar white hot anger you had expected to be directed at you earlier finally making its appearance.
“We can stop pretending this is about just any Jedi Knight” Mace Windu’s words had Anakin physically recoiling, effectively throwing him off course having the two of you furrowing your brows “there is a reason the jedi code forbids attachments”
“Master we haven’t formed an attachment” you took this as your chance to chime in, keeping your voice light trying to dispel any lingering tension in the air.
Master Windu’s eyes took a second too long to break from Anakin’s to meet yours, a knowing silence permeating the air as if he meant to let your comment hang in it “what happened today, any possibility of letting that spy go, cannot happen again”
You furrowed your brow at his vague response, eyes snapping back to master Yoda as he spoke up.
“not a punishment this is” he chimed in softly, looking directly at you as he did so “remember that you must”
Your eyes snapped back to Master Windu “master what are you saying?”
Mace Windu’s eyes bounced back and forth between you and Anakin for a moment before landing on the latter, another small silence stretching before he spoke “Jedi Skywalker and Y/L/N going forward are forbidden from going on missions together”
A stunned silence fell over you and Anakin, your eyes casting immediately to him only to see his disbelieving gaze locked on Mace Windu “Master you can’t-“ gone was all edge in Anakin’s tone, an almost pleading one taking its place as he tried to talk.
“The council’s decision on this is final” Master Windu cut Anakin off with a single raised hand.
“but-“
“You are dismissed jedi” The doors to the council room opened behind you before Anakin could get out any more than a word. Master Windu leaving no room for either of you to plead your case.
Numbly you left the room with Anakin in tow, your brain still struggling to wrap itself around what had just occurred as you entered the hallway and stopped against the wall, Anakin not missing a beat as he started to pace back and forth in front of you.
“You have to tell me where you’re going next I’ll see if I can at least be close” he was already talking a mile a minute, almost mumbling as if talking to himself rather than you.
“I can’t even remember the last mission I did without you” you mused quietly.
“Under no circumstances can you go alone either take Obi-wan or I’ll give you Rex”
“I can’t believe the council thinks we need to be separated”
“And call me every day even if it’s just to check in”
“Ani you know I can handle myself right” Your sudden direct address of him brought Anakin’s attention back to you, his pacing halting as his gaze snapped up to meet yours.
“After today?” He laughed bitterly in response.
“I came back today” you countered defensively, at this point beyond tired of this same argument “not a scratch on my ship I am alive and well”
“And you almost weren’t” finally Anakin exploded on you, vein popping in his neck as he yelled, a frustrated hand tangling itself in his hair as his pacing picked up once again “you got lucky. That’s it. What you did was dangerous, it was stupid, it was risky, and it only paid off because you got lucky and I feel like I’m going insane because how can no one see that? You are only here right now because you got lucky and there is no guarantee on that a second time”
“Or I’m a good pilot” you shot back angrily “I’m a good pilot and a good jedi who trusted her instincts and accomplished the goal. Is it really that hard for you to trust in my ability?”
Anakin physically deflated at your words, the full meaning of his own hitting him for the first time as he crumpled slightly “Y/N I didn’t mean-”
“No that’s just what you said” you cut him off “I get it you think I can’t handle myself and shouldn’t be trusted. I’m not sure why you’d want to be sent out on missions with me anyways”
“Y/N please” Anakin begged softly but you had had enough, cutting him off with a shake of your head and a sigh.
“No Ani I’m done with whatever is happening right now. It’s been a long day and I’m just-“ You cut yourself off with a deep sigh, taking a second to take a deep breath before turning on your heel leaving Anakin behind as you made your way back to your room, calling softly over your shoulder “I’m done”
-
You knew who was behind your door before he had even knocked. Could feel him lurking behind it. Afterall who else would be at your room this late at night.
This wasn’t the first time this had happened, Anakin just showing up at your room. Sometimes it was to apologize, sometimes it was because he had a nightmare, sometimes it was because he could sense yours. It didn’t matter really because he knew no matter what he was always welcome here, you made sure of that.
It was why he wasn’t surprised when you opened the door before he could officially make himself known. The two of you looking silently at one another before Anakin wordlessly engulfed you in a hug.
You went willingly, melting into him as he wrapped his arms around you, not even bothering to exit the doorway as the two of you stood there and took a second to appreciate the feeling of being supported by the other person.
“You scared me today” the words were mumbled into your hair.
“It was a risk I had to take” you responded softly into his chest, his arms tightening around you at your words.
“I can’t-“ he cut himself off, readjusting slightly to tuck your head under his chin before he spoke again “I don’t like it when you do that”
“And you think I like it when you do” you responded with a laugh, pulling back slightly to look up at him, Anakin reluctantly letting his grasp of you go as you did so.
“I know I just-“ he sighed “I’m sorry Y/N”
“I know Ani”
Finally a comfortable silence fell over the two of you, a moment passing where neither of you said a thing simply enjoying the moment in each others presence before Anakin broke it “I mean it when I say I trust you just please, promise me you’ll be careful”
You smiled softly up at your friend, extending a pinky out to him “I promise Ani”
He smiled and hooked his pinky with yours, neither of you able in this moment to recognizing your lie for what it was.
-
He almost hadn’t answered.
That was the thought that ruminated in his head for weeks after.
You had called, it wasn’t your normal time to talk, and Anakin had almost ignored it, almost told himself he would call you back later.
Thank the maker he was never good at ignoring you.
Your face came up immediately on his hollow display, picture posed strategically to only show your shoulders and above. And even though a smile graced your lips the second he picked up Anakin could still feel it the moment he saw you. Like a punch to the gut, it suddenly hit him that something was wrong. Something was catastrophically wrong. How had he not sensed it earlier?
“Where are you?”
You had just chuckled weakly in response and any other time Anakin lived for that sound but not now, right now he needed you to answer “there’s nothing getting past you is there Ani”
“You were sent to the outer rim right” Anakin steam rolled ahead, grabbing his cloak already intending to hijack the next available ship. He didn’t care if Mace Windu himself was scheduled to be on it.
“That was two missions ago”
Your words halted him in place, Anakin freezing on the spot as he glared back at you, “Y/N”
“Anakin” Maker how could you tease him like this now? You were always stubborn and he loved that about you but right now was not the time to play with his emotions, not with all this at stake.
“I’ll go ask Obi-wan” he was talking more to himself than you at this point, mind whirling with every possible path forward.
He heard you sigh from the communicator but didn’t pay it too much mind, you could yell at him for it later, he would give anything to hear you yell at him later.
“It’s a direct shot to my abdomen” You sucked in a deep breath, gaze dropping to your torso with a grimace, looking at something Anakin couldn’t see “losing blood like this there’s no way you make it in time”
“You don’t know that” he was arguing back before he could properly process your words, his brain refusing to even allow for that possibility.
“I do Ani” you shot him a sad smile, bleeding out, in who knows where and still you were comforting him.
“No there’s got to be someone nearby, another jedi, a local, someone who can help” He was shaking his head, brain desperately clinging to any solution it could.
“I didn’t call you so you could try and solve my problems”
“So why did you call me then?” He knew he wasn’t mad at you, he knew you would know that to, but still he cringed at the way it slipped out, at the way you shoulders slumped slightly at his words.
“Do I ever need a reason to talk to you?”
And he realized then this was you asking for the only help he could give. He was planets away with no ability to reach you and you were asking not to be alone at the end. And even though it killed him he could never say no to you.
“Of course you don’t Y/N”
You smiled at that. A real smile, no undercurrent of pain or pity. Anakin found himself trying desperately to commit to the sight to memory.
“Remember when the council separated us because they thought we had formed an attachment?” You asked softly, head resting back against the wall behind you, your entire body rising and falling with each labored breath.
“Right now it’s hard to forget” he bit down the resentment, it wasn’t what you deserved.
Still you chuckled at him, wincing slightly as you did so “I think right now I have to admit they were onto something”
“I thought that was obvious when I tried to put the entire republic army at risk so that you would be safe”
A teasing roll of your eyes, a fond chuckle “shut up stupid I’m trying to have a moment here”
“I’m sorry please go ahead with your moment” a part of him resented how easy the banter came now, how easy it always came with you, it wasn’t fair.
“You’re my person Anakin” you practically whispered the words, Anakin’s heart swelling painfully in his chest at them “At the end of the day I will always choose you and for the first time I’m not going to condemn myself for thinking it”
“You picked a hell of a time for that revelation sweetheart” the pet name came naturally, he nearly choked on it as it fell from his lips.
You laughed in response, shifting positions with a grunt “Master Kloon did always tell me I needed to work on my timing”
Anakin chimed in before a silence could fully settle over the two of you, “Though I’m sure it’s obvious I will always choose you too Y/N” he took a small amount of pride in the soft smile that grew on your lips at his words.
“So what do you say after the war we leave the order?” You propositioned with a cheesy grin “You and me Skywalker”
It hurt how easily the answer came to him “where would we go?”
“I’ve always liked Naboo” How quickly your answer came made him wonder if like him this wasn’t the first time you had considered this exact scenario.
“I could get a job working on speeders” He proposed with a sad smile.
“I think I’d work at a cantina” you mused back “always thought it would be fun to get to meet people from all over the galaxy”
“It would be a good life” he could feel the truth of those words in his very bones.
A comfortable silence fell over the two of you, both lost in thoughts of what if, before you broke it “Thank you Ani”
“Don’t thank me” he protested weakly “not for this”
“Then for everything else”
Another short silence, a quiet plea slipping unbidden from Anakin “please don’t” he knew where you were going next.
“I have to” you answered softly, solemnly “I think it’s time to say goodbye”
“You don’t have to hang up” he protested “not yet”
“I don’t want you to see me like that” And again he was never one to refuse you anything, a final request he couldn’t say no to. “I love you Ani”
Maker how could hearing those words somehow hurt worse than not hearing them ever did.
“I love you Y/N”
A single tear slipped down your cheek and then you were gone. The newfound silence of the room suffocating him as the emptiness in his chest leached out to fill the space in the room around him.
-
The republic has fallen.
The jedi are no more.
The empire reigns in its place.
Anakin Skywalker is dead.
There was a lot you were told upon waking up from your medically induced coma that was hard to believe. A lot of news that was broken to you that was difficult to swallow. The fact that your entire life fell apart in the mere two weeks you were in a bacta tank was something you weren’t sure you were ever going to be able to come to terms with.
Being with the rebellion helped, to know that despite everything there was still a group of people out there who were willing to put everything on the line for what was right. To a certain extent it felt like being home. It helped you learn to come to terms with those four impossible facts.
So now how were you supposed to deal with learning that one of those facts was actually a lie.
You had seen the trepidation on their faces when you walked into the room, the way the entire groups focus was on you the second you stepped in, it almost felt like being back before the council, you would’ve laughed if they hadn’t seemed so somber.
Now you understand why.
As soon as the words left Mon Mothma’s mouth you felt the ground buckle beneath your feet, felt the world around you start to drown out, felt your legs threaten to give out from beneath you.
You would’ve given anything to hear those words just weeks ago, would’ve wept at the thought of being where you were now, but to hear them so shortly after you had tried to heal the wound was nothing but another devastating blow.
“You told me he was dead”
The group shared nervous looks and your every doubt about the rebellion came rushing to the surface. They were no different than the council at it’s worst, wiling to do anything to separate the two of you, willing to lie to make sure you stayed under their thumb, willing to keep things from you because they believed they knew better. Why did it always feel like you were working for the wrong side?
“We believed he was”
“Bullshit” the word slipped from your lips before your gaze could even meet the speaker’s, anger flaring from your chest at the words “a fact like that, as large of that, there had to be rumors, you had to have guessed”
“We didn’t want to get your hopes up”
A bitter laugh rose to the surface, hands coming to your hair in exasperation “I was told the very republic I gave my life for had fallen, that the very group I was fighting against are now in control, and everyone I had ever known dead at the very hands of the people I had sworn to lead and you didn’t think I could’ve used a little hope?”
“We thought-“
“That wasn’t your decision to make” you countered before they could finish, eyes daring the group to say something “maker how can you not see that it was this very hubris that led to the fall of the jedi? Of the republic? Just because you think you know better-“
“He goes by Darth Vader” a new voice jumped in, your eyes snapping to the holo-projection of Bail Organa, the senator’s eyes giving nothing away but pity.
“no-“ the protest fizzled on your lips, barely enough breath behind it to properly get it out.
“The source is solid” it was Mon Mothma again, eyes practically begging you to listen. “Anakin Skywalker is Darth Vader”
And for a second your brain couldn’t comprehend it, wouldn’t comprehend it. How were you supposed to reconcile these two opposite people as one? “No that doesn’t make any sense”
“I’m sorry Y/N”
“No” you protested loudly, as if yelling could get it to not be true, could get them to admit they were lying, this this was all some sick joke “Someone is wrong, someone is lying to you-“
“The information is good” another voice interrupted but you were too caught up in your spiraling thoughts to even identify who it was.
“No the Anakin Skywalker I knew wouldn’t-“
“The Anakin Skywalker you knew died the day that you did” Senator Organa cut through all the noise in your head, his voice loud but not unkind as he drew your attention, the entire world seeming to fall deathly silent after those words.
“What does that mean” your voice was quiet, broken, you didn’t have it in you to care.
“It was an open secret” he explained softly, the senator façade breaking just slightly “the day you were reported to have died Anakin fought with the Jedi council, fought with Obi-wan, no one could get him to calm down, to think rationally. Eventually he made his way to Palpatine’s office, he hasn’t been seen since”
“We all knew of his distaste for the council before this” Mon Mothma chimed in “he blamed them for your death, drove him right into the arms of the current emperor”
Your mind had slowed, had calmed noticeably but still you found yourself dancing around the issue rather than actually dealing with it, your thoughts instead deciding suddenly to stick to something else.
“Why are you telling me this now?” You watched them all carefully, noticing the nervous glances they sent towards one another rather than answer “I wasn’t lying when I said you were just like the former council, preferring to sit on information until it could properly serve your purpose so what’s the purpose this time?”
Again Mon Mothma took the lead, hesitantly speaking up “he’s formed a group with the sole purpose of hunting down and killing any remaining jedi. It’s quite frankly only a matter of time before he finds you”
You furrowed your brow at this “so you’re warning me? Telling me I need to leave the base?” you shook your head slightly, not liking how either of those answers fit before it finally clicked “you want me to stop him”
“We want you to talk to him” Senator Organa corrected you “if there’s anyone who can get through to that man it’s you”
You eyed each of them skeptically, knowing as you were sure they did as well, that this question only truly had one answer “I’ve been told twice in this conversation alone that Anakin Skwalker is dead.” You took a deep breath, bracing yourself on the back of a chair “for all of our sakes I hope that’s not true”
-
Realistically you knew it was true the minute your ship touched down. Even if you weren’t conscious of it at the time you could feel that all too familiar force signature coming from the planet, seeping into your very bones.
To know it logically was an entirely different story.
You stayed hidden, following from alleyways and rooftops, you couldn’t make out the man beneath the costume but everything about him was just wrong. His gait was wrong, the way he held himself was wrong, the red saber at his hip was wrong, there was no possible way the man beneath the mask was that familiar jedi. And yet…
You couldn’t face him. You knew that. Even if it was Anakin under there you weren’t ready to find out, weren’t sure which answer would be more devastating to you.
So even though it meant failure you put your hood on and slunk away, leaving behind Darth Vader whoever he was, ready to tell the rebellion they would have to come up with another way.
You got little more than a flutter of a cape in warning before he descended upon you.
The black figure whipped around the corner faster than your brain could comprehend, having time to do little more than simply freeze in place before you were lifted off the ground by a force you were all too familiar with, invisible fingers tightening around your neck as you were lifted.
“You’ve been following-“ you got little of the figures voice through the mask before he suddenly cut himself off, the pressure on your neck easing just enough to allow you to gasp for breath, the world stilling around you as you looked out from under your hood at what was supposedly Anakin Skywalker.
The world stood at a standstill for a moment, you hovering inches above the ground, toes desperately seeking purchase, Darth Vader silently staring at you, hand held before him almost trembling. You were working yourself up to croaking out a question when his other hand raised suddenly and with a flick of his wrist your hood went flying back.
The second the light hit your eyes the force on your neck disappeared and you crumbled to the ground below in a heap.
Precious few seconds were given for you to gulp down breath before you were hauled back up by your neck again, this time an actual hand secured firmly around it as you were all but thrown against the wall, your head smacking against the brick painfully.
“who are you” even through the voice modulation you could hear the way he seethed beneath the helmet, ire barely contained by the black material.
“Y/N” you croaked weakly, clawing half-heartedly at the hand around your neck that held you in place.
His fingers tightened in response before he pulled you back and slammed your head once again against the wall, a soft groan escaping you at the impact “now is not the time for games now who are you”
“I’m telling the truth” you practically begged, unable to feel any shame in it as the edges of your vision started to black from lack of air.
“That’s impossible-“ you couldn’t really bring yourself to listen to the rest of the sentence, the only thing running through your mind was a grim acceptance that this was how you would die. Supposedly at the hands of the man you had once loved.
“Ani please”
And you hadn’t meant for the plea to escape you, barely even registered that the nickname passed through your lips. All you could focus on was the fact that after they came out into the open you had finally been released.
Again you crashed to the ground, hands splayed out to catch yourself before you could faceplant, lungs burning as you greedily gulped down air.
“Why would you-“ The words died in his throat and a strange, bitter part of you wanted to laugh.
Once you finally had better control of your breathing you sat back on your heels and looked up at the man clad in black before you, squinting slightly at the sun over his shoulder. “It’s true then”
He didn’t respond, simply looked down at you.
“take off your helmet”
“who do you think you are-“ again the urge to laugh surfaced, the way he reached for anger so readily was so similar to the man you once knew, how could you not have seen it earlier.
“Take off the helmet” He physically recoiled at the command. You softened your voice in response, practically pleading with him "I need to see your face"
Again the man before you went rigid, a tense few seconds passing in silence before he hesitantly reached up and pulled off the helmet.
The man standing before you looked somehow older than you remembered but unmistakably him, and every thought about your mission flew out the window the second his eyes made contact with your own. Your brain rejected the similarities outright, because despite being told Darth Vader and Anakin Skywalker were one in the same you still couldn’t handle this physical evidence linking the two.
You reacted without thinking, taking a single step forward and planting your hands on his chest, roughly shoving him backwards, Anakin allowing himself to be moved without a second thought “Maker Ani what the fuck were you thinking”
His helmet slipped from his grasp absentmindedly, his hand coming up to clutch at his chest where your hands had just been as he just stared at you, eyes swirling with too many emotions for you to pin down at the moment.
“Palpetine are you serious?” You demanded more than asked, hurling the implication at him with reckless abandon “I always told you I didn’t trust him and still you-“
“You weren’t there” he cut you off and his voice was so soft, so broken it startled you into silence, your body physically recoiling back a step as he spoke “You weren’t there, and he was all I had”
“You had Obi-wan, you had Rex, you had people who cared about you Ani”
“They weren’t you” his answer back came steadfast and resolutely, leaving no room for argument, followed by a much quieter, more broken statement “they took you from me”
“No one but that weapons dealer took me from you.”
“They did” neither of you felt the need to define the ‘they’ to which you both referred “If they hadn’t kept me from going with you I could’ve-“
“You don’t know that” you cut him off, this argument feeling much to familiar “Even if you had been there we don’t know-“
“If I had been there then you wouldn’t have-“ and he didn’t need to finish his sentence, the natural end to it evidence that this was an argument he has already had with himself too many times before.
“I didn’t” you begged him to listen to you, “I’m okay. Ani I’m right here”
Your words seemed to shock him out of his own personal bubble, his eyes darting frantically around him before he seized you by the wrist suddenly, surprising you, as he started to pull you further down the alley “you need to go Y/N”
“What” the question left you on an exhale, his sudden change in attitude giving you whiplash as he tried to pull you behind him.
“You can’t be here you need to-“ he whispered quickly, frantically, almost as if the words weren’t for you.
You pulled back on your arm forcing him to stop “Ani I’m not leaving you”
He furrowed his brow at your declaration, a hand on your shoulder trying to nudge you forward still “Y/N do you know what the empire will do to you if-“
“I don’t care” you declared back, halting his movements once again, using his grip on your arm to pull his attention back down to you “I already lost you once, don’t make me do it again”
His eyes bounced desperately back and forth between yours as he set his jaw, you could practically see a million different arguments running through his head.
“Halt” a new voice broke through the tense silence, Anakin’s gaze flickering to its source above your head. You barely had time to gaze over your shoulder at the trio of clone troopers that had approached, guns drawn, before Anakin had sent the lead one flying rapidly into the wall with a flick of his wrist.
You tried desperately to hide your flinch at the noise of his armer hitting the building.
The other two froze on the spot, blasters still pointed at you, but Anakin ignored them both, hand still held aloft as he stared down at you debating his next steps for a precious few moments before he spoke.
You could see him physically morph as he addressed the clone troopers, could see him become that other man, that Darth, in the way he squared his shoulders and straightened his back, the way his voice dropped an octave, the way his grip on your wrist grew almost painful as his gaze bore down into yours
“this one is force sensitive, she comes with me”
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enhard · 4 months ago
Note
idk if you saw but there’s this one clip in Idol 1D2N of Sunghoon, rolling his eyes back while groaning after failing to score points ( 18:48-18:50). Please please write about it because I feel like that’s what he looks if someone gives him a mind blowing head after a frustrating day…
-🍄
🍄 anon this is perfect just PERFECT
and how he’d become so pouty when he comes back home, wishing you’d get the hint.. you get me?
putting the clip here just for the sake of it😩
Tumblr media
park sunghoon — “a long day”
pairing: bf!p.sh x fem!reader
not proofread, enjoy! (MDNI)
you already knew his members were giving him a hard time, not listening to him, doing whatever they wanted, teasing him until he got upset and so on.
you knew because he texted you about it and you were there to comfort him.
sunghoon: [i can’t stay here anymore they keep annoying me for no reason]
[i’m actually fucking done they’re not listening]
[jake did the choreo wrong 5 times already and i told him what he did wrong and he didn’t even care to fix it]
he just keeps ranting. and you’re listening.
you: [baby i know it’s frustrating, if you don’t want to stay there come over after break😓]
[you can talk to me about it, just hang in there a bit more]
sunghoon: [okay love i’ll drop by i love you]
you just send him a silly gif and wait for him to finish his work.
after half an hour or so, you can hear your apartment doorbell ringing. you quickly get up from your couch to open the door just to see him standing in the doorway.
he slightly smiles at you, but you can tell that he’s pissed. he pulls you in his arms, his hands trailing down to grab your waist.
“i missed you.” he says, sounding exhausted from the mental chaos he went through today.
you chuckle at him, sneaking your lips onto his neck to give him sweet and soft kisses.
“i missed you too love.” you say between kisses.
at one point he pulls away to close the door and to sit down on the couch.
you offer him a glass of water and he nods in a way of thanking you.
he drinks a few sips to regather his thoughts and then he starts ranting about his day.
he seems so frustrated with everything that went today and you just feel bad for him, he’s trying his best but he just had a bad day.
he’s fidgeting with his fingers, looking for something to relieve him from the stress..
you know something popped up in his mind when he suddenly looked at you all pouty, being way too clingy and sticking to your arm a little too many times.
all it missed was for him to say it out loud, it was clear what he wanted. instead of you saying it right away, you stood up and got behind the couch.
you slowly leaned over the couch to hug him from behind, giving him kisses on his shoulder.
he smiles at you, getting a bit whiny now.
“loveee.. what are you doing..?” he says, throwing his head back to look at you.
you grab his cheeks, smiling back at him.
“maybe i can help you relax…” you pout back at him. “oh really? and how’s that?” he teases.
“oh you know exactly how, let me suck you off, i’ll make you feel good .. please?” you give him a small kiss on his forehead.
he nods, grabbing onto your arms to pull you closer.
you giggle at him already walking up in front of him again. giving him a smile, you gently get on your knees.
as you palm his crotch with your hand, he can’t help but laugh a bit.
“you’re always so good at finding excuses to fuck me up, aren’t you?” he scoffs.
your smile widens. “mmm.. maybe. i just crave you all the time.”
your hands stop listening to you, moving down to his pants to take them off. you don’t take them off all the way, just enough to expose his boxers.
you lift his shirt up a bit to give him a soft kiss on his abdomen, going back down to kiss his bulge. after a few sweet kisses, you finally take his boxers off.
you lick your lips once your eyes make contact with his cock, all red and waiting for you.
sunghoon furrows his eyebrows looking at you grab the base of his cock and lick at his tip, mumbling sweet words.
“love, do it already. put it in your mouth.”
“such a good girl, so good for me.”
and so on.
you continue licking his tip, abusing it with your tongue and getting to taste his precum. he gasps when he feels his tip in your mouth.
you’re sucking on it, giving it licks here and there while your hand is pumping him up and down slowly. it doesn’t take many strokes for him to start moaning.
“darling please…” he begs. you look up and him smiling, his tip still inside your mouth. you know you’re being a tease and.. he’s pretty frustrated as is, it must not be the time to tease him now.
you push your head down to take him whole. resting your hands on his thighs, you bop your head up and down until his tip reaches the back of your throat.
you choke a little, but at the same time you’re used to him. you’ve done this before. he grabs onto your hair to encourage you to keep going, moaning with every movement of yours.
he throws his head back, rolling his eyes at the same time (just like in the video) feeling you spitting on his cock, getting all messy and sloppy. you’re completely slurping him up, using your hand to stroke him when you decide to focus on that swollen tip of his.
“baby..fuck that feels good.” he moans out. you’re feeling him twitch in your mouth, hitting the roof of your mouth.. how can you not love moments like this. he’s so fucking hot.
as you’re tracing circles around his tip, you hear him cry out again. he’s begging and begging for you to keep going, you’re so good at this and you both know that you are.
he grabs onto your hair tighter just to fuck your throat. he keeps your head in place to thrust up into your mouth. he’s moaning and whimpering exactly how he wants, those noises being like a thank you card for helping him de-stress.
he looks back at you as he’s face fucking you, honestly not caring about much, just thinking about his pleasure. he loves the chokes and gags he hears every so often from you, fuelling him to continue.
after some more powerful thrusts, his voice cracks with his orgasm building in his stomach.
you can only mumble nonsense, whining and humming loudly. he’s about to cum and you’re there to swallow it all.
“baby..i can’t. i need to cum” he whimpers out loud.
he leaves thrusts even faster than the previous ones, his last thrust lasting longer. he cums down your throat, only pulling out of your mouth when you give him the signal that you swallowed it all. he’s noisy. very noisy. but you don’t mind and you couldn’t care less if your neighbours heard.
he pulls his cock away from your mouth, a string of saliva and cum linking them until you give his cock one last kiss. he releases the grasp on your hair, panting and squeezing his eyes shut.
you just smile, standing up to give him a little kiss. his cock is definitely still aching, it’s still hard. you know it’ll take more to help him relax than just a blowjob.
“let me really help you relax now.” you smile confidently.
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sincerelybubbles · 6 months ago
Text
It's a Date part 2
warnings: fluff, descriptions of being touch starved (? idk) not really edited oopsies
synopsis: things go well after f!reader and spencer's date, spencer helps reader see that she's wanted and deserving of affection
part 1
⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚
“Sorry, it’s messy,” you say, wringing your hands as you walk through the door. You hear Spencer laugh out through his nose, a quick burst of air that has you spinning around to watch him latch the door. 
He’s shaking his head, hair falling in front of his eyes, nose bridge crinkled. 
“What?”
“You’re acting like I’ve never been here before.” He twists the deadbolt and walks over to you, shaking his head one more time before slipping off his shoes and heading into the kitchen. 
“I don’t know, I guess it feels different, somehow, now that …” Neither of you has tried to put a label on this. It’s been weeks, coffee dates squished between hectic work schedules, yawning absences while he chases cases with the team, and one movie night at his place that had you listening to him rant about the inaccuracies of a historical drama you picked out. It’s been lovely, you adore his tendencies to go off on tangents, enjoying simply watching him light up and trip over his own words to get everything out. It feels like he’s racing to say whatever he can before you interrupt him. You never have, something he commented on during your second date. 
“You know you can just tell me to shut up when I go off about stupid stuff like that. Everyone does, I’m used to it, I don’t want to bore you.” “Why would I? It’s not boring or stupid — it’s stuff you care about and I like hearing what you care about.”
“Now that, what?” Spencer asks, settling his back against your counter and resting his hands on the edge behind him. 
He’s still in his work clothes, tie loose, gun at his hip, hair behind his ears. 
One thing you didn’t expect from him? Confidence. You knew he had to be confident in some ways — he’s never doubted his intellectual ability that you could tell — but it only took a short time for him to gain his comfort around you. No longer did he blush and bumble his way through sentences, struggling to meet your eye. Your first kiss actually seemed to clear that up quickly. 
It happened feet away from where you’re standing, outside of your door, after dinner. He reached forward to brush an eyelash on your cheek as you said goodbye, you leaned into his hand and, after a moment and with a burst of adrenaline that fueled your forwardness, you leaned up and toward him, a hand on his arm, and brought your lips to his.  He was hesitant, fingertips brushing your cheekbone, but he came to life as you pulled away to ask him if this was alright, palm meeting your cheek fully and bringing you in for a proper kiss.  Excitement was evident by the way he pressed closer to you, stepping nearer and putting another hand on your waist, locking you in place. Under the excitement was a tenderness you’ve never felt before. He kissed like he wanted to take all the air from your lungs but he held you with the sort of care that made your lungs ache for a reason entirely seperate from the kissing. 
“I don’t know,” you say, chickening out from asking for the hundredth time, going to meet him in the kitchen. 
“Hey,” Spencer says, catching you by the waist and pulling you to come stand near him with one hand on your hip. “Ask,” he says, tucking his chin to grin down at you, nudging your foot with his.
“Why don’t you?”
“I’m afraid to scare you off,” he says with a smile. Behind his eyes, though, you can see the truth in it. 
He called you the morning after your date. Young sunlight caught in your eyes and caused you to squint as you searched for your forgotten phone, spots dancing and dust creating a kaleidoscope as you pressed answer.  “Hello?” you asked, confused. It was Spencer, wishing you a good morning. He went quiet when you asked why he called, if everything was okay.  “Everything is fine, sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you.” “It’s okay, I need to be up soon anyway. Why’d you call, though?” “I just couldn’t get the thought out of my head last night that I must have done something to mess it all up. I wanted to call and make sure I hadn’t.” “You could never, Spencer.”
You know the uncertainty still rears its head, even with the confidence that’s fostered with time. 
“It feels incredibly juvenile,” you say, rolling your eyes and smoothing your hands up his chest to rest on his shoulders. 
“Ask,” he whispers, “I’ll say yes. All you have to do is ask.”
The week after your first date, Spencer showed up at your office, panting, a bag in his hand. You stood up, shocked to see him at the station, and hurried out to meet him in the lobby.  “You said you wanted lunch from the Chinese place down the road because you forgot to pack something,” Spencer said by way of explanation. You had mentioned it, briefly, in a text. “I was just complaining, you didn’t have to spend your lunch break on this,” you said, eyes welling up with tears. You reached forward, ignoring the bags, and pulled him into a hug. “You’re entirely too sweet to me. This was too much.” “Nothing is too much, all you have to do is ask.” 
“When I call back my friend later,” you start, determined to ask while looking in his eyes, drowning as you do it, face heating, “can I tell her my boyfriend came to spend some time with me?”
It’s sort of a cop-out, of course, and Spencer catches it — you’re not directly asking, but he nods anyway, then laughs, leaning forward to kiss you. 
The kiss is messy, he’s laughing and you’re smiling, but you appreciate it all the same. 
“Why are you laughing?” You ask, leaning back and catching another kiss on your nose and then your cheek. 
“There’s a few reasons. I never thought I would have this, for one, and I guess I’m just happy.”
“You guess?”
“I know.”
You wind up in bed. Nothing nefarious, not yet — both of you understand that space to breathe and grow together is much more important and that awkwardness needs to settle into comfortable familiarity before crossing that specific line. 
Spencer drags his finger across your cheek, tracing your bone structure. His other hand is tucked under your side, holding your hip and keeping you close. 
The feeling in your chest is heavy, pressing up into your throat and capturing any words you could dare to think. 
“Are you okay?” Spencer asks, voice a whisper, breath fanning across your face and causing little hairs to prick up across your arms. 
You nod, looking him in the eye and signaling the truth. His nearness wasn’t causing you distress but the unfamiliarity of it is hard to not become consumed by. 
You squeeze your eyes closed, nose scrunching and fight tears. 
“Are you sure?” Spencer asks, voice hesitant, fingers leaving your face and arms pushing to give you space. Space you don’t want. Space that makes your eyes snap open, searching for him, afraid he might waltz off any moment. 
“Yes,” you say, voice certain and hand snapping out to grab him before he can go too far. 
Tears well up in your eyes, against your internal fighting. You huff out an embarrassed laugh, leaning forward to press your forehead into his shoulder. His arms tighten around you, hesitant around your waist and cradling the back of your head. 
“Tell me what’s wrong, please,” he asks, voice soft, begging, an undertone of a demand that you adore. The sense that he would do anything to ensure that you feel better washes over you. It makes the sweetly-sick feeling well up into you further, drowning your senses. 
“Nothing is wrong,” you say, cuddling into him, slipping a foot inbetween his and tangling yourself tighter, “it’s just been a while since I’ve felt … wanted. And I do, now, with you — feel wanted. At least, I hope I am.”
“You are,” Spencer interrupts, reassuring. 
“It’s nice but I don’t really know what to do with it.”
“It?”
“The feeling, I guess.” You shrug. “I suppose touch starved is the right word, but it feels like more than that.”
His grip tightens as your tears come with a faster frequency, to your own annoyance. 
“I’m sorry, this is a really nice moment, I’m beyond happy, I don’t mean to ruin it.” You attempt to pull away to wipe your face but Spencer doesn’t let you. 
“Did you know that some studies show that a lack of connection socially is more detrimental than obesity or smoking? We literally need to feel connected to other people. And that’s just social connection — when left alone without any type of physical connection, specifically physical connection from someone you care about, depression, stress, and physical health can deteriorate. It’s natural to feel overwhelmed when you’re finally getting what you need — what everyone needs.”
“Touch starved,” you whisper, allowing him to hold you tight, relaxing further into his hold.
“Sorry?”
“Touch starved — I’ve heard people call it touch starved.”
Spencers hand moves to stroke your hair, picking up strands and twisting them before smoothing it down again. 
“That feels like an apt term for it.”You fall asleep like that, warm and pressed into his side, listening to him softly tell you about his week, feeling secure and wanted in a way you never have before.
taglist: @0108s22m @bowerfeithwk @screechingphantommaker @cultish-corner @doigettokeepyou @izukuwus
note: i really intended on this being more so please forgive me -- let me know what you think! i welcome constructive criticism as well as any and all thoughts you have!!
now that i've finished this, i might attempt another part to give u guys more but i also am taking requests/thinkin' of new things to write!! more spencer to come, as well as possibly some hotch, so keep an eye out
ily all and tysm for the support <3
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