#Normal Orchid Game

[pangur-and-grim]

HEY remember Normal Orchid Game? the eldritch horror/ flower breeding sim I was working on with my brother-in-law, and then abandoned de-prioritized?

due to some personal events, there's a new deadline - either it gets finished in 6 months, or else probably not at all, so! the work begins again!

everything is being re-coded by my BIL to work in Ren'Py, meaning it'll be more of a visual novel this time. before he was coding it all from scratch, which was super impressive, but also added a lot of difficulty. this time it'll be built on a pre-existing skeleton, which should speed things up.

[evrytingbagel]

yes im mentally ill yes i have an IS obsession. and what about it!!

[suzukiblu]

. . . anyway LISTEN I told 'yall November was gonna be "obligatory sugar daddy Tim/sugar baby Kon AU" month, and I really did not INTEND to post my daily words for it again this year but also, like, fuck it, we ball. No promises I will update EVERY day this time around but again: fuck it, we ball. ( also uhhhhh I've been writing this fic kinda-sorta-semi out of order lately but there is still a significant chunk of word count I'd already written that I would've pre-gamed and posted YESTERDAY if I'd thought I was gonna be doing this, sooooo hope nobody minds us kickin' off the month with like an extra 5.9k on top of the 1.6k of obligatory sugar that I ACTUALLY wrote today behind this here cut? yes? no?? Bueller???? )

get sugared, Super-boytoy. Tim, you just . . . you just do your future-supervillain best over there, buddy. you just do what you can with yourself. prev: (( chrono || non-chrono ))

“I wanted to,” Tim says again, and Kon glances away and bites his lip, turning the flowers by the stem again. 

“It’s, uh–pretty,” he says, then clears his throat. “I mean, it’s–cool. Thanks.” 

“If I can’t bring you fresh ones, well . . .” Tim shrugs. Kon glances back to him, and very briefly presses one of the orchid blooms against his own mouth. His face is still all flushed and his eyes are still a little soft, and it’s . . . it makes a picture, alright, even if it's not one Tim's specifically set up to take. Especially with the gold eyeliner and his blue eyes both matching the orchids. 

Tim didn't plan that, obviously, but he thinks it makes up for the sapphire versus ruby thing.

“Um . . .” Kon trails off, biting his lip. Glances down at the orchids from under his lashes. It doesn't make him any less of a picture, for sure. “So, um–do you wanna see the ‘something nice’ I got?” 

Tim blinks, immediately thinks of the most embarrassing option that Kon could possibly mean, and desperately tries to fight back a mortified flush at the idea. But, well–everything he can see Kon wearing is something he remembers buying him already, so . . . 

Oh god, he needs his brain to shut up right now. Immediately. Right now and immediately and forever. 

“Sure,” he says like a normal person, trying not to panic. “What is it?” 

Kon, thank god, pulls a little rectangular package inexplicably–and inexpertly–wrapped in newspaper comics out of the same coat pocket he tucked the jewelry box in. There's plain white string tied around it in a bow. 

Tim . . . blinks. 

If he didn't know better, he'd think Kon had . . . 

“I, um, got you something?” Kon says, and Tim stares blankly at the package. He��what? “For once, anyway. Well, I guess, uh, technically you got it for yourself, and actually this is kinda stupid maybe, you can literally just get yourself whatever you want whenever, obviously, but I just thought, uh–” 

“You got me something?” Tim repeats in surprise. Kon turns pink and shoves the package at him. Tim is too bewildered not to take it. 

“I thought it’d be, uh–fun,” he says, biting his lip and still very visibly blushing. “I mean–that we could have some fun with it. Y’know?” 

Tim stares at the package for another moment, then looks up at Kon. Alright, this maybe isn’t exactly the vibe he was going for here in terms of who’s paying for what and who’s giving things to who, but . . . well, Kon apparently used his allowance for whatever this is, at least, which gives him a reason to have wanted the allowance, so . . . he can work with that, he figures. Like, it’s an “in” to work from; a step in the process. 

He can’t tell what Kon’s gotten him from the shape of the package, though the edges are hard even though it doesn’t feel like it’s in a box or anything. “Have some fun” isn’t much of a clue, though he supposes it does imply something interactive. Maybe it’s a game of some kind, or–

Tim unties the bow and splits apart the clumsy seam of the comic-page wrapping paper with his thumb, tugging through its layers to reveal the package’s contents, and Kon flushes a little darker and watches him just a little bit nervously. 

Tim doesn’t actually know what to say. 

“I just thought, um, a real one’d probably take better pictures than a phone can,” Kon says sheepishly, slanting his eyes away and half-hiding his face behind the orchids. “I made sure the battery was charged and the guy at the store said it's got a lot of storage, I guess, so . . .” 

“You got me a camera,” Tim says blankly, which is the most bewildering possible thing that Kon could have gotten him short of, like . . . no, it’s pretty much just the most bewildering possible thing that Kon could have gotten him. By far it’s the most bewildering possible thing that Kon could have gotten him. 

“You like taking pictures, right?” Kon fidgets a little, then smiles just barely shyly as he glances back at him. Tim's heart skips a few beats. Or more than just “a few”, maybe. “So, um–I thought maybe we could go do that . . . somewhere. You know, after dinner.” 

“Oh,” Tim says, blinking at him a little stupidly. It’s not a particularly good camera, honestly–like, it’s a perfectly functional model for casual amateur use and a decently reliable commercial brand, but he’s got much better ones that are all professional-quality. He hasn’t used any of them in a while and most of them are admittedly a few years old now, but . . . yeah, this was a hundred bucks max, if that, and his cheapest camera was over five hundred. 

Note to self: raise Kon’s allowance. 

Also, apparently now his favorite camera is the kind of camera civilian amateurs just take random family photos on. Apparently that’s a thing. 

Tim really doesn’t know how to feel about the fact that Kon not only remembered something he mentioned having an interest in, Kon bothered to actually get him something he thought he’d have an interest in. That is really, really not the dynamic he’s been encouraging here, for one thing. And also, why even would Kon do that? Like–really? 

“Thanks,” Tim says sincerely, turning the camera over in his hands and feeling incredibly embarrassed about all of this. “I love it.” 

“Cool,” Kon says, biting his lip around a smile. His face is still a little pink and he looks all soft and pretty like that, especially with the flowers still in his hand. Tim really was not prepared for Kon having “soft and pretty” in his repertoire. Like, that was not a thing he ever expected to see from his cocky, crowing brawler of a teammate. 

Kon’s only a brawler because he thinks he’s supposed to be, though, Tim’s pretty sure. Like–increasingly sure, at this point. 

He really, really needs to figure out how to get Kon to tell Robin more about his TTK. Or, like . . . anything about it, apparently. Just literally any single thing, at this point. 

“Thank you,” he says again, inspecting the camera assessingly and making note of all its functions and ports and the generally obvious basics. “We could go take some shots around downtown later, if you’re up for that?” 

Kon turns bright red, and Tim doesn’t understand for about half a second before remembering–the last time Kon had talked to him about taking pictures, he’d offered . . . 

Oh Jesus. 

Tim is either incredibly stupid or–actually, he doesn’t even know. Lucky? Embarrassing? The dumbest moron alive who didn’t even realize he was being flirted with again? All those things and several even worse ones? 

Kon had offered to let him take spicy pics of him the last time they'd talked about taking pictures, whatever “spicy” means to Kon–brash, impulsive, shameless Kon–and Tim’s the idiot whose first thought upon Kon following up that conversation by very literally giving him a camera was to go take pictures of fucking downtown.

He is the most useless “sugar daddy” to ever sugar. 

Well, to be fair, it is Gotham downtown, so it’s very–

“I like taking pictures of streets and buildings,” he blurts belatedly, fumbling to sound like just the oblivious idiot that he is and not some kind of weird fucking perv who’s trying to get Kon arrested for public indecency. Jesus, he’s stupid. “And people-watching is interesting too. You know, stuff like that.” 

“Oh,” Kon says, and looks several ways at once, including both a little relieved and a little disheartened, which . . . okay, Tim would literally die if they actually went somewhere to take spicy pics tonight, so is unfortunately unavoidable. He’s not trying to make Kon not feel–attractive or anything, but he needs at least twenty-four hours to make a plan and also two or three or seventeen contingency plans before . . . anything like that happens. Ever. Even in theory. “Um–yeah, sure. That sounds cool.” 

“Cool,” Tim says, still desperately pretending to be an idiot. It’s not hard, on account of the fact that he very much is an idiot. 

Kon pauses for a moment, then perks up a little, seeming to think of something, and asks–“When’s dinner?” 

“Our reservation’s in forty-five minutes,” Tim says, double-checking the time on his phone just to be sure. “Well, forty-six. I figured that’d let us take our time walking over and maybe we could window-shop a little on the way.” 

And also shop-shop a lot, if Kon gives him literally even the slightest indication that he wants or needs something. Just if it comes up or anything. That’s all. 

Tim definitely did plan their route to the restaurant to cut straight through the middle of the downtown shopping district, either way. 

“We could’ve just met there, dude,” Kon says wryly, but grins anyway, glancing down at the orchids in his hand again. “Forty-six minutes, huh?” 

“Yeah,” Tim confirms. 

“And you like taking pictures of streets and buildings?” Kon asks, his grin turning just a little bit sly. Tim frowns briefly in confusion, not sure what the grin’s about. 

“Yeah,” he says. “Gotham has a lot of really interesting architecture and design. Like, it’s an old city, and one that’s been pretty resistant to updates in a lot of areas or just not had the money for those updates. So you get a lot of places with a lot of character and it’s basically the bastard child of gothic and art deco design with a side of industrial warehouse, depending on the part of town you’re in. Like, Crime Alley and the Diamond District have very different vibes, but they’re both very Gotham vibes, if you know what to look for. It’s–” 

Kon is grinning really widely at him, for some reason. Tim realizes he’s rambling like a moron and turns red. 

“Uh,” he says, repressing a wince. “Yes. Yeah. I like taking pictures of streets and buildings.” 

“Cool,” Kon says, and then he carefully packs the orchids back into their box and it back into the gift bag and transfers the chocolates and jewelry back into it too, then grins even wider at him as he hooks the bag’s handles over his arm and into the crook of his elbow. “Don’t drop the camera, babe.” 

“Wha–” Tim starts to say, and then Kon grabs him by the arm and pulls him into the closest alley, which is terrible survival instincts for Gotham, oh god, but before Tim can say anything about that Kon’s wrapped an arm around his waist just tight enough to just barely lift him off his feet and bolted straight up into the air with him. “Shit!”

Tim doesn’t drop the camera because he’s held onto cameras while falling off literal buildings before, but definitely only because of that. Muscle memory, or whatever. Also he’s been snatched off his feet by Bruce and Dick plenty of times and thrown off rooftops by multiple rogues and thugs over the years and these days gets regularly dragged around by Bart, all while holding very important things he could not afford to drop, so it’s not like either the sudden jolt or the effort to keep his grip on the camera are as disorienting as it otherwise would be. Just . . . 

Ugh, Tim realizes, absolutely unimpressed with himself upon realizing that the breathless feeling he’s having right now is not actually related to the swift and sudden increase in altitude, but is actually just because it’s Kon holding him. 

He is an idiot, isn’t he, he reflects resignedly. Just an actual literal idiot. 

Jesus. 

“Whatcha think?” Kon asks with a grin as he comes to a stop in mid-air with him. He stops very suddenly, but Tim notices a distinct lack of jarring with said stop, which implies Kon’s got his TTK around him again and probably completely around him, which means–

Oh god, Tim thinks, and very quickly makes himself stop thinking about that. 

“It’s cool,” he says, because a normal civilian would think flying was something interesting and unusual, but it’s hard to act too excited about a move Kon probably pulls on literally everyone he–

“I meant the view, babe!” Kon says with a laugh, and Tim . . . blinks. 

And then he looks down. 

They’re hovering a few thousand feet up, and downtown is already lit up bright in the early evening gloom. And Kon . . . 

“Streets and buildings, as ordered,” Kon says, grinning wider with a smug, cocky look on his face. 

Oh no, he’s hot, Tim realizes with dread, and then blinks again. Stares down at the city below, past the whipping wind and down into the busy streets and the bright, dazzling lights cutting through the murky gloom. He’s seen Gotham like this a thousand times, obviously, because of course he has–he’s been climbing these rooftops for years, and every night he runs across and swings back and forth between them and utterly fails to learn how to do more than a double backflip. 

One day, he promises himself distractedly, and then looks back at Kon. 

He’s seen Gotham like this a thousand times, but never just because someone thought he’d like it. Like–not like this, he means. Dick's shown him a few particularly special or exhilarating views over the years, yeah, but . . . definitely not like this. Not for a reason like this. 

And definitely not while peacocking all smug and pretty dressed up in clothes that he bought him and holding him close enough to kiss. 

Kon’s expression turns a little sheepish; a little soft. Not quite shy, but . . . 

“Do you like it?” he asks, his voice pitched a little quieter, and Tim has the much worse and even more dread-inducing realization of oh no, he’s CUTE.

He swallows, briefly, and feels his face burn. 

“Yeah,” he manages in an almost-normal voice. “I like it.” 

Kon grins at him, brighter than any city light, and Tim barely keeps himself from dropping the camera after all. 

“Thanks,” he attempts awkwardly, making himself focus on the camera and resisting the urge to take an immediate shot of that city-light grin. 

Then he takes one anyway, because of course he does. Kon laughs in surprise, then makes a face at him teasingly. 

“Hey, you can buy this face in any cheap gossip rag, focus on the fun stuff,” he jokes, jerking his head towards the city below. Tim looks searchingly at him for a moment, and then for obvious reasons snaps another picture. Kon flushes a little again. They probably won't even come out from this close, but . . . 

“You’re the most fun I’ve had all week,” Tim says, which is definitely too honest but clearly necessary to make a point of saying. Kon turns redder, ducking his head and grinning around his bitten lip. 

“You don’t have to say that kind of thing to me, man,” he says, and it comes across almost like a reflex. Tim hates . . . yeah, just literally everybody Kon’s ever known in his whole entire life, actually? Like, pretty much everybody? Bart gets a break because he grew up alone in VR and is therefore terrible with people and the girls get a break because they haven’t known any of them that long, but everybody else can just take a long walk off a short gutter, in Tim’s opinion. 

Especially any “everybody” from Cadmus. 

Or Metropolis, at this point. 

“I’m not saying anything I don’t want to say,” he says simply, and goes to the effort to frame a few shots of the skyline so Kon will know he appreciates . . . well, not the angle, exactly, but the thought. 

Technically he is usually on top of a building when he’s doing this, so the angle is actually a slightly different one than he’s used to–not that he’s been taking photos lately, just–not the point, really. Kon got him a camera and brought him up here because he clearly thought he’d like it, and damned if Tim is gonna do anything to make him think he doesn’t. 

He has better cameras for things like this–aerial shots and night photography and long-distance and the like, and better cameras for closeup candids too–but he already knows these pictures are all going to be exactly what he wants them to be, even the ones that don't come out. 

Or especially those, maybe. 

He's not sure how he'd explain that feeling to someone else. 

Kon flies them around, staying out of sight behind the light pollution and among the shadows of the buildings, and Tim takes . . . a lot more pictures than he needs to, actually. He was just trying to make sure Kon knew he appreciated him thinking of him, but actually . . . 

Well. 

It’s fun, that’s all. 

It’s . . . been a while, kinda, since he got to spend this much time on just photography and nothing else. Or–any time at all, really. 

Not that this is nothing else, obviously, given that Kon’s holding him and it is very, very hard to concentrate on anything besides that, but it is the kind of a view a standard civilian never gets, and it’s kind of nice to be flying for non-work-related reasons, for once. Like . . . novel, he guesses. A different experience. 

Technically he and Dick do “fly” together just for fun, sometimes, but that’s different. Like–so many kinds of different. It helps them in their work–keeps the rooftops familiar and them both in shape and in sync–but he can’t take photos when he’s trying to keep up with Nightwing across the rooftops of Gotham, and it’s not like Dick’s carrying him either. 

Also, it’s much less flustering and difficult to concentrate through, because again, Dick is not carrying him, and also Dick doesn’t do things like wear clothes he bought or do his eyeliner and paint his nails for him. Or, uh . . . anything like that. 

Also, definitely the “spicy pics” thing is not at all a thing, with Dick. Like, not even slightly, in any way whatsoever. And they’ve also never made out in a changing room or the back of a planetarium or– 

Look, there’s a lot of ways it’s different, okay? 

A lot of ways. 

“I'm not boring you, am I?” Tim asks a little bit sheepishly as Kon lands them on a ledge just behind one of the bigger gargoyles, tucked in tight in the shadows between it and the building it's perched on. “We can probably still fit in some window-shopping before dinner, if you want.” 

“Oh my god, dude, I promise we can do things you don't have to spend money on,” Kon says with a laugh as he lets him down on the ledge. “Though if it helps you technically did spend money on this, given how I got the camera and all.” 

“It's your allowance,” Tim says, because he wants to make sure Kon actually gets that. “You can spend it however you want.” 

“Well, I spent it how I wanted,” Kon says, and then steps closer into his space with a smile. Tim ends up sitting on the gargoyle’s back as Kon leans down to kiss him, and it's not like he's never kissed anyone while perched on a gargoyle before, but somehow it feels like something new anyway. New and electric, bright and easy and smeared with the city lights and thrilling in its shadows, and– 

Kon breaks off the kiss, though he keeps a hand on Tim’s arm, probably to make sure the squishy untrained civilian won't accidentally fall off the ledge and get splatted on the concrete. Tim barely holds himself back from chasing his mouth. 

“It's cool, anyway. Um, doing stuff you're into with you, I mean,” Kon says, looking a little soft and almost-shy again, and never mind, Tim not only needs to chase his mouth, he needs to set up a damn manhunt for it. “You're real cute when you get excited, man. I mean, uh–just–” 

The manhunt is going to require a very significant budget, Tim notes. 

Then he kisses him again, obviously. Kon melts down into it–into him, really–and wraps his arms around his neck, and Tim feels several kind of ways about it. Admittedly, it's the easier option with him sitting on the gargoyle and Kon leaning over him, but Kon's put his arms around his neck a couple of times now, and, well . . . 

That's just not something he would've expected from him, he guesses. Not “cool” or masculine or badass or . . . whatever, exactly, Kon thinks he's supposed to be. 

So Tim . . . likes it, he thinks, that Kon doesn't seem to think he needs to be like that around Tim Drake. 

Robin’s sure as hell never seen Kon in eyeliner. 

Robin's loss, Tim thinks. 

. . . maybe he's compartmentalizing a little too much these days, but still. 

Kon makes a very, very soft little sound between their mouths and then laughs, and Tim promises himself he won't stop at Gotham: he'll take over Metropolis for this asshole one day. Even if that means putting up with Lex Luthor and Superman. And also, like . . . everything about Metropolis. 

He'll figure it out. Supervillainy is still a long-term plan, so he's got time. 

Anyway, if he gives it to Kon after he takes it over he won't have to put up with it, so it's whatever. Sugar daddies do that kind of thing, right? Get their sugar-ees a city? 

. . . okay, definitely not. Like, very definitely not. 

“Okay date idea, then?” Kon asks as he leans back a bit and does a very bad job of biting back a smile, his face a little flushed and arms squeezing a little tighter around his neck. 

Tim will get him Metropolis if it kills Lex Luthor. 

“Very okay,” he says, smiling back at him. Kon grins, his face turning just a little bit redder, and then kisses him again. Tim has absolutely no complaints about that. Ever. He can’t even imagine a complaint he’d have about that, in fact. 

Worst case scenario, he’ll get them in at another restaurant if they miss their reservation. 

He really doesn't know what else he's supposed to do about how easy Kon blushes. 

They definitely spend too long making out against the gargoyle and Tim definitely lets himself get too riled up during it–and does not think about tactile telekinesis or any kind of related passive perception while he does–but by the time he’s the one pressing Kon back against the building, he really doesn’t care anymore. 

The fact Kon is even willing to let him do that when there is literally no way Tim could ever actually pin him anywhere without a way to sabotage his powers is . . . really, really distracting. Just–so distracting. 

Jesus, Tim thinks, breaking off just long enough to catch his breath for a moment. Kon pants softly against his mouth, which sabotages that even worse than kryptonite would sabotage TTK. 

Jesus, Tim thinks again, and then crushes their mouths back together. 

He doesn’t need to breathe that often. 

Kon makes a softer, breathier sound this time, and Tim does not let himself make it weird by letting his hands wander anywhere outside of second base territory. Frankly he’s not sure second base territory isn’t him making it weird, but Kon started it, so hopefully it’s not? Like–logically it’d follow that Kon wouldn’t touch him anywhere he doesn’t want touched, right? 

Well–hopefully, anyway. 

The air feels tight, Tim notices suddenly, like the feeling of sinking into deeper pressure when underwater but all at once, and then realizes–oh. 

Uh. 

Okay. 

“Um,” he says, and immediately the feeling of pressure vanishes as Kon jerks back and claps a hand over his own mouth. Which is mostly him pushing Tim back, given their position, but he does crack the brickwork behind him a little. 

Whoops, Tim thinks. 

“Sorry!” Kon blurts. “Sorry, sorry, that’s–sorry! I just, uh–got a little too into it. I won’t do it again.” 

“It’s really not a problem,” Tim says, with absolutely no idea how to take the idea of Kon getting “a little too into it” when kissing him, or the idea that getting a little too into it apparently involves getting wrapped up in TTK a lot more noticeably than making him bulletproof at the museum did. “I mean–it didn’t hurt or anything, I was just surprised.” 

“I–yeah, I know, it’s just–weird,” Kon says, still looking mortified. “So–sorry. That’s all.” 

“I don’t mind weird,” Tim says, because actually the idea of being temporarily at least as invulnerable as Kon is while making out with him implies being able to devote a lot more attention to said making out, as opposed to keeping half an eye out for snipers or rogues or random rooftop criminals. Not that he’d stop paying any attention to that, obviously, just–yeah. Well. 

It’s a little tempting, that’s all. 

“Uh–you don’t?” Kon bites his lip, still looking a little embarrassed. 

“It kind of just felt like scuba-diving, but with less equipment involved,” Tim says with a little shrug, keeping his tone light because “seriously, you have no idea how much I’d like to not be compulsively keeping an eye out for snipers right now” isn’t a very “civilian” thing to say. “And I’m not about to complain about you enjoying kissing me that much either way.” 

“Oh,” Kon says, and flushes a little. “Uh–really?” 

“Really,” Tim says, smiling at him again and tugging gently at the lapels of his jacket to pull himself back in. Kon blushes, and grins, and meets him halfway for the kiss. The sensation of pressure wraps him up again, gentle but undeniable, and Tim feels several kinds of ways about it. 

Maybe even a little bit safe, or at least as safe as anyplace outside the Batcave ever gets. 

Tim knows there’s no such thing as being perfectly, completely safe, but getting all wrapped up in Kon’s TTK and kissed for it makes it hard to remember that. 

Very, very hard. 

They spend a much longer time making out this time. Tim is vaguely aware that they still have a dinner reservation to make, but . . . well, he did pad the time to allow for window-shopping, so even with the time they spent flying around taking pictures, it's probably fine? 

Yeah, no, they’ve definitely missed their reservation by now. Probably way past missed it. Just so, so far past missed it. 

Weirdly, Tim doesn’t care as much as he should, even though he really prefers when things go to plan and also needs Kon to feel appreciated and like he got properly spoiled and taken someplace nice. He’s going to have to figure out something else on the fly, though, because he really does needs Kon to feel appreciated and also needs the excuse to get him more used to getting money spent on him and–

Tim remembers that he needs to breathe more than he's currently breathing and breaks off the kiss. Kon half-chases his mouth with his own, audibly breathless himself. Tim is not equipped to handle Kon breathless. 

That might actually be more flattering than the TTK thing. Or, uh–flustering, maybe. 

Both, maybe. “Both” is probably accurate here. 

Jesus, Tim does not know what he did to deserve Kon getting breathless over something he’s done to him, much less all soft and pretty and–

They have definitely, definitely missed their reservation. Usually Tim has a better sense of time than that, but usually Tim doesn’t have Kon wanting to make out on a Gotham rooftop with him, Like, he thinks he can forgive himself a little bit of disorientation on that one, considering. 

. . . as long as Bruce never finds out he messed up that bad, anyway. Because Bruce would definitely not like hearing he’d messed up that bad, TTK or not. 

Probably especially involving the TTK, actually. Probably Bruce would not take “yeah I let Superboy get distracted enough to unconsciously wrap me up in his Kryptonian-level superpowers while he wasn’t in full control of them and actually, like, encouraged it, kinda? like, explicitly encouraged it, actually”. 

Yeah, Bruce would not like that. 

“Um,” Tim says, and clears his throat a little awkwardly. “So, uh–hungry yet?” 

“You could say that,” Kon murmurs, then flashes him a sharp, wicked grin with his eyes slit open just enough to fix on Tim’s mouth. Tim spares a moment to compartmentalize just enough to not lose his mind about that, then makes the mistake of licking his lips anxiously, sees Kon’s hooded eyes go hot at the sight, and immediately fails to not lose his mind. 

“Uh,” he manages, and then decides they don’t really need to get dinner just yet and maybe they could just, like–no, no, Kon is definitely not getting enough calories from that stupid barely-legal underground lab’s stupid definitely-not-health-code-compliant cafeteria, Tim is not gonna be a bad enough date to not get his date a respectable amount of calories. That is just not a thing that he’s gonna, like . . . thing, as a thing. Or whatever. 

Not like Superman’s been bringing Kon casseroles or anything, the prick. 

“Um, I–uh, might’ve let us get a little too distracted, sorry,” Tim attempts after a moment of mental fumbling, making himself push back from Kon a little and pulling his phone out to check the time. Yeah, they have definitely missed their reservation. Very, very thoroughly have they missed it. 

Dammit. That is not Bat-quality situational awareness. 

“You think that was just you, man?” Kon asks with a little laugh, just barely ducking his head and biting his lip. It is . . . very distracting. As is his face. And his hands, which are still loosely on Tim’s back, and his TTK, which is still loosely . . . basically everywhere, yeah. Just–way too many places for Tim to be rational about, basically. 

“I mean, I was the one who made the reservation,” he says, clearing his throat awkwardly as he does his best to at least fake rationality. “So, uh, I should’ve been paying attention to the time. I can see if there’s someplace we can still slip in, it’s a little last-minute for a Friday but–” 

Kon kisses him again. 

Tim was saying something, he’s reasonably sure, but he couldn’t remember whatever it was with a gun to his head. A gun to his head while out of his suit and without Kon on the same floor as him, to be clear. 

Kon leans back and grins at him, all bright and pretty and cutting right through the shade and shadows of Gotham like a spotlight-signal lighting up the cloud cover. Tim remains vaguely aware of the fact that he was doing . . . something. At some point. In theory. 

God, Kon is so pretty. So, so pretty. And everything he’s wearing is something Tim bought him, coat and clothes and jewelry and all. Just–all of it, as far as he can see. 

Tim does not let himself think about what else Kon might or might not be wearing right now. Just–that way lies madness, and also Kon not getting a decent dinner and decent spoiling. 

. . . there’s probably some other ways Tim could spoil him, technically, if he just– 

Tim does not finish that thought. 

“You’re so fucking cute, daddy,” Kon says, still grinning just as signal-bright and pretty at him. Tim is not prepared for literally any of that and nearly melts right off the ledge into an incoherent mess of street pizza. 

“Uh,” he says, swallowing roughly. “We should–are you hungry yet?” 

Kon laughs, for some reason. Tim very quietly and carefully burns alive, and then Kon floats up a few inches and ducks around him and back out into the open air, leaning down to grin at him and reaching to–probably he’s intending to pick him up again, Tim’s brain is vaguely aware, but the rest of Tim is thinking more like hurr durr pretty boy, which is definitely why he ends up reaching up to cup Kon’s face in his hands and tug him down for another kiss, pushing himself up on his toes on the edge of the ledge to reach him easier. Kon makes a soft, breathless little noise, then laughs in delight and kisses him back. 

The wind is cold and sharp and the evening sky is all heavy dark clouds and hazy light pollution and Kon’s wearing clothes Tim bought him, some of which Tim even suggested to him, and he put on makeup and painted his nails to come see him and he’s got a gift bag of little things Tim picked out for him hooked in the crook of his elbow and he liked all of those little things, and they’ve not only missed but obliterated their dinner reservation, and they’re half-on a ledge high above the street and kissing and Kon is just so pretty.

And Kon also bought him a camera and brought him up here because he thought he’d like it and called him “cute”, which are all facts that Tim is definitely going to have to compartmentalize to fully process later, or else he really will melt right off the stupid ledge. 

The spicy pics thing, also, is a thing. The spicy pics thing is, uh–very much a thing. 

Tim is maybe just never gonna process that particular fact in, like, self-defense. 

Ever. 

. . . god, he’s going to have to process that fact at some point, isn’t he. God. That is . . . that is a whole thing that he is going to have to do. Like, effectively and well and throughly.

Maybe it’s not too late to just go supervillain right now, actually. Maybe Kon would be open to, like, minionhood or something. Lots of supervillains put their minions up in their lairs, right? That’s totally a thing, isn’t it? 

Ugh, no, Kon deserves a place he can really feel like is his place and also he has not laid near enough groundwork to get Dick to switch sides. Like, Alfred would, obviously. Alfred will be on-board the second the rusty crowbar and shrapnel bomb plan comes up and will probably have useful notes to add. But Dick is gonna require some more long-term finessing and Babs definitely won’t come if Dick doesn’t and– 

Kon laughs into the kiss and cups Tim’s face in return, which is incredibly distracting, and then squishes his face, which is incredibly annoying. 

“Hey!” Tim sputters, and Kon laughs again and leans back just enough to grin at him. 

“You are so weird, dude,” he says. “I can literally hear you thinking.” 

“. . . that’s not me being detached from the situation, I–” Tim starts, unable to repress a wince, and Kon just grins wider, grabs his wrists, and tugs him off the ledge and–oh, okay, that’s a weird sensation, Tim notes, because gravity does absolutely nothing at all to him until Kon’s pulled him into his arms and wrapped him up in them again all easy and secure. . 

So that’s . . . yeah, no, “incredibly distracting” isn’t actually gonna cover this one, considering. 

“Uh,” he says, blinking a couple of times. That. That is definitely not how Superboy holds Robin. 

Frick. 

“I just gotta keep you better attached, right, daddy?” Kon purrs–really purrs, his chest briefly vibrating against Tim’s–and then grins wider at him again with eyes that are, unfortunately, literally goddamn sparkling right now–thanks, gold eyeliner, Tim didn’t need those higher thought processes–before giving him another quick little kiss that Tim actually would like to turn into a four-hour make-out session and maybe also a sleepover and–

God he needs to remember how to compartmentalize. He really, really needs to remember how to compartmentalize. 

Also he needs to kiss Kon’s literal friggin’ brains out, the smug friggin’ asshole.

Mid-air makeouts are the worst possible idea Kon has ever inflicted on him and Tim would sooner fight Killer Croc without his utility belt than point that fact out to him. 

He winds his arms around Kon’s neck and kisses him back, and Kon makes this tiny little–not pleased, not content, but actually happy-sounding noise and kisses back harder. Tim feels gravity stop being a particularly relevant concern again and feels like he’s floating in deep, heavy water but also like he’s the lightest he’s ever been in his life, and it is . . . it is a feeling, alright. 

Kon is a menace. Kon is a problem. 

Kon is so, so damn cute. 

“You are an actual literal brat, baby,” Tim mutters slightly more feelingly than he means to, and Kon’s laugh comes out a little breathier this time and he ducks his head to the side and his face flushes and–

No. Nope. No. Tim needs to not learn anything new about himself or Kon tonight, or, worse, anything about him and Kon. That is just not a thing he has time for in his schedule. He’s got to fit in an anxiety attack and three full files’ worth of casework this weekend, for one, plus his science presentation and that make-up book report, and also come up with someplace else nice enough to take Kon to dinner tonight. 

“So, uh–dinner?” he says very quickly–self-defense, again–and Kon bites his lower lip and grins around it, his face still turned just a little bit away. Tim pretends they’re not effectively pressed together from knee to neck right now. Pretends valiantly. “I mean–um, if you’re hungry yet.” 

Kon laughs, ducking his head lower, the dangling gold teardrop hanging from his ear gleaming warmly in the murky electric city light. Tim goes through multiple stages of emotional processing to keep himself from kissing his neck right behind that earring and completely forgetting about not only dinner, but all his homework and casework and even the anxiety attack. 

Does Kon laugh this much around Robin? 

Tim really doesn’t feel like he does. 

He also doesn’t tell Robin very important things like the fact that he can make other people bulletproof on a whim and map out an entire mall just by standing in it, which is objectively much worse and potentially dangerous a thing not to do, but also Tim is already positive he’s going to miss that laugh like crazy every time he sees Kon with the mask on. 

Robin doesn’t get to see Kon like this at all, even when he lets the asshole eat both stupid boxes of cinnamon bread. 

“Dinner, yeah,” Kon says, grinning again and then taking off backwards across the sky, apparently unconcerned about their chances of hitting a building. Tim’s not really in a proper carry so much as just stretched out against him and wrapped up in his arms, but given the nature of how Kon’s powers work, an actual carry is obivously not really a concern, so . . . 

Oh, Tim realizes as Kon tips back just enough to be reclining in the air, still flying without any apparent care or concern for the aerodynamics of the situation or anything but staying more or less out of view of anyone on the street below. 

Avoiding the street view is good. 

The part where now he’s essentially laying on top of Kon is . . . less good, maybe. 

Maybe he won’t have to convince Kon to go supervillain, at least. Maybe Kon’s already there. 

“Where to, daddy?” Kon asks with a smirk, keeping one arm looped around Tim’s waist and folding the other behind his own head like he’s laying out in a lounge chair on the beach. Tim thinks longingly of smothering him and also of getting him to take down his TTK so he could bite a hickey or five into his neck. Maybe six. He could probably do six. 

Or seven. 

“Northeast towards Broad Street,” Tim says as he tips his head in the appropriate direction, then pulls up the camera again and snaps a quick shot of Kon’s smug smirk, which immediately breaks into a surprised laugh as the other flushes again. 

He takes a picture of that too. 

“You flirtin’ again already, man?” Kon asks with a sheepish little laugh, like the bastard has any room to talk. 

“The position’s pretty good for it, that’s all,” Tim says with a level of casualness he absolutely does not feel. Kon flushes darker and bites his lip again, still just barely grinning. Tim, ethically, has no choice but to take a few more pictures. 

“Oh my god,” Kon says, laughing again and unfolding the arm he has tucked behind his head to hide his eyes behind instead. Tim is maybe a little bit too aware of the line of his throat under the neck of his shirt, without his eyes and the sparkle there to be distracting him into a useless stupid mushbrained might-as-well-be-a-civilian, observationally-speaking. “I’m not a building, you absolute nerd!” 

“I said I liked people-watching too, didn’t I?” Tim points out reasonably, though mostly his brain’s occupied with the question of–“Hey. If you let down your TTK a bit, could a baseline-DNA human give you a hickey? Like, is that physically possible, or are you too Kryptonian for that?” 

“Oh my god,” Kon repeats, laughing harder even as the flush on his face spreads down his neck. Tim wonders how warm that might feel under his mouth. “I, uh–dunno, man. Maybe?” 

Tim silently resolves himself to finding literally any excuse to conduct that experiment and moves a hand to cup the side of Kon’s throat, eyeing it consideringly. Kon makes a slightly weird noise and visibly swallows, and Tim belatedly realizes that he’s paid literally no attention whatsoever to whether or not they’re about to hit a building or a flagpole or a roof this entire flight; he just assumed Kon had it handled. The Bat-paranoia kicks in and he glances up reflexively, and just as reflexively slides the pad of his thumb across Kon’s pulse. Their flight path is clear; they’re high enough to avoid most of the buildings in this area. Definitely still gonna need to keep an eye out for radio towers and billboards, but . . . 

Kon swallows again, the gesture a little bit rough this time. Tim feels the other’s throat flex against his palm. That sure is . . . that sure is a thing that Tim feels right there. That invulnerable throat flexing right there against his palm, and maybe not necessarily having to be invulnerable, if Kon didn’t want it to be. 

. . . . . . he already said he didn’t have time to learn anything new about himself tonight, dammit.

[sunseed-fandump]

oooo!! Since someone asked about Dark Enchantress I’ll ask about Pure Vanilla, we love our peepaw.

Yeehaw-Peepaw Pure Vanilla Headcanon time!

Pure Vanilla is visually impaired. He is not totally blind, as he can make out shapes and colors, but it was enough of an impairment to require braille while he was in school.

His Orchid Staff was grown by him when he was first learning magic. It is one of his oldest companions.

When he has the staff in his hands, he is able to use it to see clearly. It's sight also allows him to see things Cookies normally wouldn't be able to see. You know the True Seeing spell from DnD? Basically that.

Pure Vanilla may be the forgiving sort, but his staff certainly isn't. If someone goes out of their way to be rude, the Orchid will either glare at the offender or use one of its vines to trip them up.

When the Vanilla Kingdom was in its prime, he knew every single one of his subjects' birthdays. No one is quite sure how he remembered them all. Even when he had amnesia, he still would get the sense that a day was special for some reason.

Speaking of his time as Healer Cookie, whenever he saw something or experienced something that reminded him of his past, he would freeze up. When one of the villagers would snap him out of his trance, he would forget all over again.

Some Cookies have a hard time reading his handwriting because he writes in a VERY intricate cursive.

He has gone out of his way to tutor some of the younger Cookies himself. Gingerbrave, Strawberry Cookie, and Wizard Cookie included.

The best kind of gift to give him is one you made yourself. It doesn't matter how good it looks, he loves and appreciates every ounce of effort put into any gift.

When he was a child, he would read stories to the sheep in his village. He always loved the idea of traveling to places far away.

He absolutely HATES losing his temper... But he can. And he has. Those moments are far and few between, but when they happen, it's scary.

It's not the loud and explosive kind of anger either. When Pure Vanilla is angry, he goes totally silent. And when he DOES begin to speak, it's one of the most painful digs the individual can personally get hit with. You know how they say the Truth hurts? Yeah that.

Someone would have to go REALLY out of their way to get him like that though.

He likes playing games with the children, even if he's not all that good at them.

He is VERY sappy and he is VERY easily brought to tears by death scenes in stories. Don't let this man read Charlotte's Web he would be a MESS for DAYS!!!

[pampanope]

~7-11 Lore~

Name: Efren Torres Aldrich

Alias: 7-11, Cerberus, Shadow Company’s Dog (Konni)

Affiliations: Shadow Company, USMC (former)

Age: 34 yo

DoB: May 7 1990

Height: 6’1

Nationality: American

Ethnicity: filipino/white

Born in: Queens, NY

Pronouns: He/him

Gender: cis man

Orientation: panromantic homosexual

Specialty/Résumé

• Former Marines Force Reconnaissance operator

• Deep reconnaissance with qualifications in parachuting and combat diving (MOS 0326)

• Profficiency as a sniper and rifleman, at intelligence collection, mountain warfare, CQB, and small squad tactics.

• Dutiful Shadow babysitter

• Graves whisperer (usually)

Personality

• calm, quiot, generally easy going; speaks in low even tones

• observant, pays attention to the goings on of those around him, and completes tasks efficiently.

• treats fellow Shadows with warmth, courtesy, and long-suffering exasperation. Takes some time before he feels comfortable enough to freely goof off with other people.

• Has a playful side; likes to harmlessly tease other Shadows to a certain degree but is all business when working or on an op

• sees all of Shadow Company as his family; their success and well-being are his top priorities.

• this devotion towards Graves and SC has a possessive slant to it; he’s willing to destroy anyone and anything that threatens his family

Physical Description

• lean, fit overall build

• dark brown hair and dark sleepy looking eyes

• mole beside left eye

• very light stubble

• scars on left arm (IED shrapnel), wrists (rope scars), around fingers (balisong flipping) and upper left side of torso (gunshot wound)

• Usually wears neutral dark colors, mask, tactical gloves, combat boots and baseball cap

Psychology

• the loss of his parents at a young age, years of instability, and military training have led to the creation of a mental coping mechanism that can be described as “a feral hind-brain creature” that views individuals as pack, predator, prey, those who need protection and those who need to be cut down.

• 7-11 understands it’s not normal to look at the world in such a way, nor is it normal to want to sink his teeth into the throats of his enemies or into the flesh of those he cares about, in the hopes that he leaves a mark that they’ll carry even after they’ve gone.

• he keeps this part of himself carefully contained within with the majority of Shadows non the wiser,

Love Language: Touch, Gift Giving

Prefers affection via: Touch, Quality time

_____________________

Strengths

• loyal

• diligent and efficient

• puts his subordinates before himself

• smooth operator on the field

• stays calm under pressure and in the face of unusual situations

• thoughtful and empathetic

• can fall asleep anywhere

Weaknesses

• can be stubborn

• tends to forgo personal safety and care if he thinks it’s necessary

• has abandonment issues

• guilt-ridden

• may be vengeful, especially so on behalf of someone else

Hobbies

• photography

• karaoke

• balisong flipping

• sparring

**• Graves**

Likes

• cuddles and head scritches

• SC gossip

• collecting large, huggable plushies

• napping in warm cozy places

• training Shadows (usually)

• getting ragdolled and tossed around like a salad

• displays of physical strength

• training or games that allow him to hunt down others (or be hunted)

Dislikes

• incompetent and callous leadership

• humidity

• the sun (this boi burrrns)

• watermelons (tastes like sugary wet sand)

• Shadows or Graves getting hurt

• being cornered

• Shepherd

• disorganization

Fears

• Losing everyone and everything

• not being enough

• substance abuse and addiction

Preference

Fave Color: Blue

Fave Season: Autumn

Fave Music: 80’s rock and power ballads, most of 90’s and 2000s

Fave Animals: Crows and cats

Fave Food: savory snacks, burgers, lumpia, kare kare

Favorite Plants: blue orchids and monstera

Coffee or tea: coffee (once a day)

Night or Day: Night

____________________

Idiosyncrasies & Random Stuff

~ named after his mother’s favorite billiards champion (Efren “Bata” Reyes)

~ He’s always had a blushing problem; doesn’t matter what emotion it is, if it’s strong enough, he gets flushed.

~ started out wearing a mask to hide the blushing and hide his expression; it’s fun keeping fellow Shadows guessing

~ likes to make up reasons why he wears the mask all the time

~ eventually realizes that he got so used to freely making silly expressions behind a mask that he can’t school his features without it anymore

~ which is fine, it became habit anyway; he enjoys any rumors among the Shadows about him and why he stays masked when others remove theirs outside of ops.

~ there are way too many benefits to wearing a mask for him to quit

~ Biting is a very valid tactic, on and off the battlefield; as an offensive move and form of affection (but he doesn’t bite out of affection as often as he’d like because he doesn’t wanna scare the other Shadows lol)

~ kinda short circuits a bit when handled roughly

~ Tore a man’s throat out with his teeth on Grave’s behalf; Graves **really** liked that and decided to give him the callsign Cerberus and collared him (it’s a pleasant grounding presence around his neck)

~ will start growling when stress levels are maxed out or if very sleep deprived

~ keeps a cork board of photos in his quarters; photos of Shadows past and present

~is banned from the kitchen(s), no, not just SC HQ or bases.

~ grabs ahold of anyone or anything that comes into contact with him while

sleeping; he’s like a bear trp that way

~ he’s seen the effects of substance abuse and addiction first hand; it’s why he limits alcohol intake, drinks one cup of coffee a day (hence the regularly scheduled naps), and avoids gambling and smoking

~ deeply misses his parents and his childhood; often wonders if they’d even recognize him as their son

- Voice claim: Isaac Clarke (VA: Gunner Wright) (Dead Space games)

______________________

Backstory

7-11/Efren is one of Graves’ most loyal Shadows and considers himself a vanguard of the Company.

After losing his parents at 13 to a vehicular accident (for which he blames himself for) and the subsequent abuse and neglect from his uncle, Efren spent most of his teenage years feeling untethered, numb yet seething with anger and guilt.

He spent his early years working part time jobs to make ends meet while getting into fist fights with the local gangs to release the deep seated fury within.

A final altercation with his uncle drove Efren to seek structure and a place to belong in the Marine Corps.

There, Efren, while excelling at every aspect soldiering, would often be easily goaded and provoked into brawling with other recruits of his cohort.

This led to his first meeting with Graves, a cocky, silver tongued, MARSOC operator in his mid twenties.

Graves issued a challenge to Efren, which ended with Efren being so thoroughly *humbled* that it altered his brain chemistry, quieting his feral hind brain to a dull roar for the first time in what felt like forever.

Fixated on Graves after that meeting, Efren joined Force Recon with the hope of providing crucial intel to support his fellow Marines (especially Graves).

He always kept an ear out for news of KIA personnel; thankfully Graves was never one of them.

After years of serving in Force Reconnaissance, Efren was faced with making a decision whether or not to re-up to continue his service or to move on into civilian life.

As if summoned, Graves appeared after so many years, and whisked Efren away to his new Shadow Company, where he world finally find a new home.

The irony of feeling at peace in a PMC was not lost on him.

Wherever Graves went, he would be his Shadow and support. For Efren, it was the least he could do after the man gave him everything.

((May add more as i go✨))

[blackjackkent]

Prompt fill for @thedarkstrategist from this ask meme: [ 🛁 ] - running them a bath, Shadowzel.

-----

“She is in pain,” Lae’zel says, pacing back and forth before the bar on the Elfsong’s bottom floor. The ale Karlach purchased for her sits undrunk on the wood bartop; she seems to have forgotten its existence. “And it is a pain I do not know how to soothe,” she growls. “It is maddening.”

“Yeah,” Karlach says, watching Lae’zel’s quick, restless movements with an air of sympathy. “Fucking sucks, when someone you care about is hurting. And this kind of hurt… whoof.” She breathes out, rattling her lips heavily. “I lost my parents, back before the Hells, but at least they went… normally, y’know? Bad fever, overturned cart. Things like that happen to people. This, what she had to do… that’s a whole different ball game…”

“This is not helping,” Lae’zel says curtly.

“I’m commiserating,” Karlach says with a slight shrug. “I don’t really have an answer for you. ‘s not the sort of thing you fix.”

Lae’zel comes to an abrupt halt and turns to face Karlach directly. “There must be something,” she says. “I--” She breaks off abruptly and scowls down at the battered slats of the floor. “You know of these things,” she mutters. “I do not. I must have your help.”

“These things?” Karlach cocks her head slowly to one side.

A pause. Lae’zel flushes, her jaw working with frustration at the struggle to articulate her own feelings. “Romance,” she finally says carefully. Another pause, then suddenly rapid, “No. Not romance. Something more. The gentleness that comes with it. I feel the need for it, but do not know…” She falters, her ears flushing a deep olive. “I do not know what to do.”

“Oh.” Karlach would be tempted to smile, were it not for the fact that Lae’zel looks so terribly agitated. “Well, I’ll let you in on the first secret I know,” she says, “which is that we’re all making this the fuck up as we go along. I certainly am.” She nudges the barstool next to her with her boot toe. “C'mon, sit down."

Lae'zel sits abruptly, a soldier obeying orders. Karlach studies her for a moment thoughtfully. "Y'know," she says slowly after a little while, "sometimes when my engine's real bad, Hec'll just... do things for me. Just so I don't have to. Get my dinner served up, or clean out my armor, that sort of thing. And it helps." She rubs at her jaw. "I think, with this sort of shit... it's not about fixing. Not really. It's about... just being there, and holding some of the weight. Helping her keep living, while she sorts it all out."

Lae'zel considers this with narrowed eyes. "Yes," she says slowly.

Karlach's teeth flash in a cautious grin. "We've got a proper bathroom in our rooms upstairs now. You could draw her a bath, bring her dinner after... give her a night not having to think about anything."

Lae'zel nods. "Yes," she repeats. Her whole body is stock-still except for her fingertips which fidget almost imperceptibly against the floral-carved edge of the bar. 

Karlach's smile softens. "The way Hec tells it - it'll make you feel better too," she says gently. "Maybe feel a little less like your head's eating itself alive." She claps Lae'zel on the shoulder. "Look. We're gonna make this happen," she says. "And I'll help. She likes night orchids, right? I'm gonna go right now over to Bonecloaks and shake that woman down for every blossom she's got, and then Jaheira and me'll take the boys off on an adventure for a while. Leave the rooms upstairs all yours till, say, ten o'clock?"

She doesn't expect thanks - the whole crew, by now, is well aware that Lae'zel doesn't tend to say it out loud. What she does get, though, is a sudden tight grip on her forearm from the gith's long-fingered hand; a gesture of camaraderie - or perhaps the clinging of a drowning woman to a driftwood life raft. "That is... generous," Lae'zel mutters.

"Just doing my part to make love bloom," Karlach says airily.

Lae’zel flinches, her color deepening again. “We have not spoken of love,” she says stiffly.

Karlach lifts her eyebrows innocently. “Oh, are we not saying that part out loud yet?” she asks.

“Kainyank…” Lae’zel grumbles, rolling her eyes - but Karlach notices she doesn’t argue the point.

-----

Shadowheart sits on the bed, leaning against the window, her knees drawn to her chest. She’s dimly aware that the others haven’t come back from dinner yet, but it’s hard to muster the energy to care. Ever since the House of Grief, she’s felt drained, empty, surrounded by the shattered pieces of a world she doesn’t know how to reconstruct yet. She feels broken.

There’s the soft sound of a footstep up the stairs. Rustling movement in the center of the shared floor of their lodgings. The sound of running water from the magical taps in the bathroom. Shadowheart ignores it all, focusing her eyes on the progress of a fly climbing up the outside of the window glass. 

Then-- “Shadowheart?”

Something in her heart loosens just a little, hearing Lae’zel’s voice. It’s astonishing, given how they began, the way that Lae’zel has come to mean protection, and understanding, and calm. Lae’zel is safety in a way that none of the others are, because Lae’zel too has had her life taken apart, and the two of them have built a new one out of the ashes. “Yes,” she says softly, forcing herself to stir and lift her head. “I’m here.”

To her surprise, she finds that Lae’zel is standing watching her with a bundle of deep blue flowers in one hand. The gith shifts awkwardly and then sets the plants down on the nearby table. “I--” she says haltingly. A pause, and then she presses on doggedly as if expecting a burst of laughter from some corner at any moment. “All day you have sat here alone. I have drawn you a bath. Will you come?”

“A bath?” Shadowheart tips her head, mildly bemused.

“Yes.” Lae’zel shifts her weight slowly from one foot to the other. Then she adds, almost sheepishly, “Karlach said it would help.” A pause, then so low Shadowheart almost can’t hear it, “Let me help. Please.”

A sudden tight lump settles in Shadowheart’s throat, making it hard to speak. “Lae’zel--”

“I said I would protect you,” Lae’zel mutters. “But there is no enemy to strike. There is only this. These small things. It is not much, but…” 

“No.” Shadowheart slowly uncurls herself from the tight ball in which she has spent the last few hours. The barest hint of a smile pulls at her lips for the first time in days. It’s not about the bath, not really - she didn’t need or even really want one. It’s the reminder that there is more around her than the impenetrable shadow Shar has draped over her world. That Lae’zel is driving it back with both fists, even when she doesn’t think she knows how.

“No,” she repeats softly. “That sounds perfect.”

[sorceresssundries]

The Light in the Shadows

Anon writing request -

BG3 pride prompt! This game helped me realize I'm bi. Perhaps Tav didn't realize either? And one of the tadfools who normally wouldn't have caught their attention is suddenly occupying every other thought?

Anon, i'm so sorry your ask fell into the void so i'm having to do it as a separate post! This is for you, my friend. Happy pride month!

Pairing: Shadowheart x Fem Tav

Warnings: Female masturbation, smut.

Word Count: 1.5k

Tav had been tasked with keeping the campfire alight, which basically meant she could keep angrily prodding at it and snapping pieces of dry wood to throw with more enthusiasm than necessary. Her gaze kept flicking through the dancing flames to the cleric sitting on the other side of camp.

Stubborn, standoffish, uncooperative—how could someone with practically no memory be so distant and unwilling to accept any kind of help? Surely, she must feel lonely. Surely, it must get cold in her self-imposed darkness. And why were her clothes always so tight?

Has she always been like this? Tav wondered. Before the nautiloid, before the tadpole. Which parts of herself had she sacrificed at Shar’s altar? Which soft, delicate traits had the Goddess carved from her with a ritual knife and deemed a worthy loss?

How light had her heart been before the shadows settled there?

Shadowheart was tough; Tav knew that. Yet despite that devout toughness, there were times when uncertainty flecked her green eyes and softened the hard jade into moss. Moments when the sharp bite of her laugh loosened, and Tav could hear bright, unfiltered joy seep through the cracks.

Tav tried to list the things she had learned about Shadowheart so far:

She was scared of wolves. She loved night orchids. She couldn’t swim. She read silly, smutty novels, and she had a rare smile that could part clouds.

Tav watched her now, reading a book outside her tent, sitting cross-legged with Scratch’s head in her lap, fingers fussing his fur absentmindedly.

She was very, very frustrating.

“Are you about to fuck her, or fight her?”

Tav hadn’t even heard Karlach sit herself down next to her; she was so lost in her exasperation.

“Fight,” Tav grumbled, prodding the fire.

“Huh.” Karlach stretched her muscles out and threw some wood at the flame. “I would have placed money on the other option.”

“It’s not like that.” Tav huffed. “She’s closed off and distant, and never accepts any help.”

“Yeah, and she’s got a stupid fringe.” Karlach snorted.

“I like her fringe, actually,” Tav mumbled, playing with her own hair. “It frames her eyes.”

Karlach tutted at her and shook her head. “Man. You must have it bad.”

Tav looked over at Shadowheart once more and felt her breath catch. Her lips were slightly darker than usual from her wine, and as she drank without thinking, a small trickle escaped her mouth and ran down her chin. She wiped it with her wrist and then sucked away the drop before licking her lips with just a delicate flash of her tongue.

Fuck. Maybe she did have it bad.

‘I don’t... I’m not...’ Tav struggled to get the words out, to express the feelings which seemed all knotted and tangled. “I’ve never been with a... a...”

“Cleric?” Karlach tilted her head at Tav in mock confusion. “Elf? Amnesiac with a bit of a bitchy personality?” She winked knowingly.

“Erm, yes. All of those.” A woman, Tav wanted to add. 

“Well... Does that matter, really? That’s all just... boring stuff. Superficial bits and pieces.” Karlach waved her hand dismissively.

Tav held her head in her hands. “It’s just all new. Like there isn’t enough going on. And she’s so annoying!”

“I think you’re overthinking things, soldier.” Karlach laughed. “Fight who you want to fight, fuck who you want to fuck.” Her smile was wide, full of the beautiful, optimistic simplicity of someone who had suffered unimaginable cruelty and still held tight to the kindness she was built of. She was a wonder.

Karlach looked up at the cloudless night sky and massaged her chest, as though in pain. “In the end, we’re all the same really - just hope and stardust”.

Tav moved her hand towards Karlach’s, not able to touch her, but close enough to feel some of the heat radiating off her poor, scarred skin. Karlach’s voice became wistful, “We all just want to be touched, so... let yourself. One day, you may not be able to.” In that moment, Tav would have gladly taken any of the pain from holding Karlach’s hand, just for a second, just long enough for Karlach to know the feel of another person. But she jumped up before Tav had a chance. 

“Oi, Gale!” She yelled at the wizard’s tent, dusting off the mournful moment with her usual iron resilience  “Are you going to teach me some magic or what?! I want to learn how to smush things from really far away.” 

Tav heard Gale sigh from inside, followed by the sound of a book snapping shut.

His head poked out from the flap, wearing a frown. “The Weave is a delicate, intricate coalescence of energies which surrounds us all and breathes arcane intention into existence. It is not about smushing.”

Karlach stood with her hands on her hips. “If it isn’t something you’re skilled enough to teach, then no worries! I’ll just go find Halsin…”

He placed his fingers on the bridge of his nose and inhaled sharply. “Okay. Fine, this lesson we’ll cover the basics of smushing, but next time…”

“Fuck yes!” Karlach punched the air in well-earned victory before turning to Tav to give a pair of farewell finger guns. “Taters, soldier! Stop thinking about things so much. You’ll get brainache.”

Tav smiled as the two of them walked off together. In the lasting glow of Karlach’s hopefulness, she nearly mustered the courage to approach Shadowheart. But a persistent inner voice cautioned her, whispering that now wasn't the right time. Confused and exhausted, Tav retired to bed.

Sleep did not come as easily as hoped that night. Hours had passed, and Tav lay wide awake, thoughts of Shadowheart still clouding her mind. The cleric had spent most of the day's journey complaining about her aching feet. She had groaned and sighed. Tav could have helped her if she weren’t so stubborn and hard-headed. She could have kneaded her fingers into the soft arch of Shadowheart's soles, working out the discomfort, listening for the sounds of relief as she massaged and caressed, waiting for Shadowheart to throw her head back and grant her one of those rare, soft smiles.

Without realising it, Tav's hand had settled under her shirt, resting on the skin below her belly button. As her eyes closed and her thoughts drifted, so did her hand, lower and lower, until she was absentmindedly running her fingers through the hair between her legs. She thought of the way Shadowheart’s glossy braid swung in the sunshine, how the silver metal caught the light. She pictured the firm set of her jaw when she was determined or annoyed, how she offered barbed jabs with a sly smile and a glint in her eye.

Her hand moved lower still, caressing herself with no real purpose—just playing, just exploring, just touching her own body and thinking of the woman who had burned through her thoughts all day. Shadowheart's skin was always so soft, silken and unblemished, cool as velvet despite the harsh conditions and the relentless sun. Earlier, when Tav had grabbed her arm to stop her from stumbling, her thumb had swept against the delicate skin of her wrist. Shadowheart had gasped, breathy and quiet, and the sound had made Tav’s mouth dry.

Tav gasped now as she brought the memory into clear focus and stroked herself. She was wet, and there was now purpose where before there had been only curious, easy exploration. She wondered how Shadowheart’s skin felt in the cool places the sun didn’t reach. She wondered how she tasted.

Her hip bones, the shell of her ear, her wine-stained lips. Tav imagined each part of her body as though they were delicacies to be savoured. Sugared treats you would hold against your tongue to prolong that first, craved tang of sweetness before licking off every bead of sugar and swallowing. Her wrists, each finger, her cunt. Tav flicked through each body part she had imagined like beads on a prayer chain. She wanted to worship each of them.

She fell further, chasing the thought of her mouth against Shadowheart’s cunt, imagining her noises from earlier and how she wanted to hear her make them again. Louder and longer. More of them. Until the breath was stolen from her lungs and all she could do was gasp and shudder.

Tav wanted to taste all her hidden colours. She wanted to lick out her secrets and savour them sharp on her tongue, make her call out prayers she thought she had forgotten to gods she did not even worship. In desperation and in total ecstasy.

The thought of it sent Tav over the edge. Fucking herself to the image of Shadowheart coming undone against her tongue, she unraveled completely.

She was totally unaware that the lust-filled sighs she had been imagining were now filling Shadowheart’s tent not far away, ignited by the very same thoughts.

It didn’t take long for Tav to drift off, finally peaceful. Her dreams were full of night orchids, and warm days, and green eyes creased with laughter. 

Full of hope and stardust.

[brittle-doughie]

Hey howdy hello again! Wrote the one thing with reader cookie stabbing Burning Spice with a dagger despite having their leg broken off. I’m back about the beast ancients au I was talking about in the first part of that ask, since you didn’t say anything about it, I just assumed you didn’t want to hear about it. No worries, I don’t mind!

Anyways I’ve had a hell of a time hammering out the specifics of what’s going on, as it turns out planning a war is a huge pain in the ass. But I’ll just toss you the more interesting bits and get out of your hair.

For context, the main cookie this all revolves around, Star Heart Cookie, created a barrier to protect her/their kingdom. The caveat to it being that so long as you genuinely don’t want to kill the cookies within the barrier, you can walk in and out whenever you want

(For the sake of this ask, Star Heart is the reader insert and is thus getting they/them pronouns, there’s a different set of cookies meant to be the reader inserts but I haven’t gotten there yet so :p)

So, where to start I suppose.. probably Vanilla. True Vanilla Cookie specifically

Yeah bro is trying to pacifist ending Shadow Milk, and SM is just kind of offended? Bc Vanilla ascended to become the Beast of Totality, and is essentially trying to become the holder of Knowledge without getting the other soul jam. This has, predictably, really messed him up. But he still makes it a point to go on weekly picnics to see Star Heart. (The fact that he doesn’t know whats weakened them so much is driving him insane)

One of the other beasts who can pass through the barrier, Mythril Lily Cookie, also shows up to ensure that Star Hearts barrier holds. Though she is a little very concerned about the fact that no matter what, Star Heart never seems to be getting any better. When she isn’t having picnics or trying to dodge True Vanilla’s game of 20,000 questions, she’s usually coordinating an attack on one of the beasts. Usually whichever one happens to be closest to wherever Dark Enchantress is or is planning to use at the time.

Frostbite Cacao is currently trying to plunge all of earthbead into an ice age so that his friends will gain the same resolve that he has. Well, it’s more like so he can usurp their kingdoms bc he thinks they don’t run them very well, but who’s asking? Side note; he’d also actually be allowed through the barrier if it weren’t for the fact that Dark Choco lives within Star Hearts kingdom. He’s also mega paranoid about the fact that Mystic Flour isn’t attacking him anymore. (We’ll get to her don’t worry)

Toxiberry (still not sure about the name) is having a depression due to lore reasons. But due to the power of being a raging alcoholic, you can’t even tell :DDDD Nah but seriously, she and her army are constantly on the move since she knows Lily is looking for her. She’s also hoping that it lures Pitaya Dragon back so she can try and get them to on her side to hopefully gain the upper hand on Eternal Sugar, who has even more beef with her then usual, again, due to lore reasons (I wasn’t actually kidding about the depression thing btw, that’s definitely there)

Gilded Cheese (has very upsetting reasons why she’s called that) is currently trying to revitalize the desert with her new waterbending abilities :)))) you do not want to know what happened to give her that power, I promise. On the bright side, she can also electrocute things now, so that’s neat. She’s generally the closest to her normal self here if I’m honest. Though she’s spending most of her time bringing water to the desert (very suspicious water) and trying to weedwhack the hell out of Vanilla’s creepy orchids that keep spreading. She would also be allowed through the barrier, but only by technicality, since she’s only trying to kidnap Star Heart to use their power to enhance the soulcheese. (And Smoked Cheese is hoping to use them to usurp Gilded but yk shhh)

Onto the og beasts, none of which are allowed through the barrier, for obvious reasons.

Shadow Milk is very busy pretending like he’s not bothered with what’s going on. He’s free now! Why should he care what the others are up to? (He cares immensely) He’s honestly very concerned with how far True Vanilla is getting with his plans, and is pivoting to something else since he knows his usual tactics won’t work. Which ends up in him sending party after party of warriors to ascend the vines up to the Vanilla kingdom in order to break Vanillas focus to stall for time as Shadow figures out a more permanent solution. At least he’s found a new way to infuriate him, by simply saying nothing at all.

Mystic Flour is in the middle of her own plan, which is to use Cacao’s paranoia against him. So currently she’s waiting at the top of her mountain pagoda for him to inevitably break and go after her. She’s also sent Cloud Haetae Cookie to scout out a new meditation spot closer to the Dark Cacao kingdom to better keep watch on it. And definitely not because Star Hearts kingdom is literally right next door, not that at all, nope, not even a little.

Eternal Sugar is completely incensed and is personally hunting down Holly to the ends of earthbread for the sheer audacity of… the lore reasons (I promise it’ll at least be interesting) Or at least she would be, but most of the time Eternal Sugar looses them (literally how it’s an entire army?) and decides to fall asleep until she senses her other piece nearby again, and then she’s off like a bat out of hell.

Burning Spice, is behaving irrationally, even for his standards, which is saying something. Specifically speaking, he’s… well he’s waiting on the barrier, hasn’t really moved since the Beast War ended. The only thing that does get him to move away is whenever Gilded Cheese is anywhere nearby. He knows she’s gonna keep trying to get in, so he just waits. What he’s waiting for? Star Heart, and their very special ability that they use every single time cookies attempt to go for the barrier. From within the barrier, Star Heart can actually see him waiting for them since their tower is the highest point in the kingdom. That, and that point in the roof is the only clear spot in the barrier, everything else is stained red due to the permanent spice storm that surrounds the place.

And Silent Salt, who isn’t actually on the continent right now. During the Beast War, he spotted something leaving and decided to follow it on the hunch that if he didn’t, things would get a lot worse. Unfortunately, as the one he was following ended up being Longan Dragon, he isn’t going to be able to prevent him from starting shit.

Alrighty then, that’s that, thank you for your time and all of the lovely writing

-ephemeralcryptid

Now that was quite the read.

[familyvideostevie]

what abouttttt eddie being a regular at your place of work (coffee shop? bookstore? some place he had to go one time and it’s not His Scene but he saw you & can’t get enough?)

omg hi bestie you got it! this made me lol also totally stealing your idea here and this is you working at a flower shop when eddie starts to become a regular for some reason | fluff, pre-relationship, 1.3k

--

It's a quiet day in the shop. Your favorite kind, since it means you get to spend more time on your arrangements and less time explaining to frustrated moms why you cannot bring their orchids back to life.

Is it weird that you like the company of flowers better than people? Yeah, maybe. But it's good money and you like to make people happy, however indirectly. Which is why you try to be nothing but kind to everyone who walks through the door.

But when the bell chimes and you turn to find this guy stumbling into the shop, you can't help but wonder what the hell he's doing here. You've never seen him before -- you'd remember. Long, frizzy curls and ripped jeans, a flannel on under a leather jacket and boots that make his footsteps heavy. He looks a bit scary, to be honest, but the way he almost knocks over a few pots of mums makes him less intimidating and more annoying than anything.

"Can I help you?" you call. He startles like he didn't expect anyone to be here. And then he does a double take.

"I need...flowers," he says. You try to keep a neutral expression on your face. Sometimes you play a game with yourself and try to predict what someone is going to ask for. Maybe he missed a birthday? Needs something to apologize to his mom? Maybe he's picking something up for a party.

"I think I can help you with that."

He coughs and his cheeks darken. "Right, yeah, obviously." He looks around and shoves his hands in his pockets.

"Do you need something specific?" you prompt. His eyes snap back to yours.

"Yeah," he says. "Yes. What says 'sorry I broke your couch?'"

Ah, you think. Apologizing to a girlfriend, probably. You're a little disappointed to realize it.

"I'm not going to ask questions," you tease. His mouth tugs up at the corner and he looks less embarrassed and more like a man on a mission.

"Good idea," he says. You leave the arranging table behind and wander around the shop, pulling stems from buckets as you go. The guy follows you around.

"Do they all mean something?" he asks. You glance over your shoulder at him. He's got his hands tucked in his pockets and his eyes are...really big and brown. And he's got lovely eyelashes. Wow.

"More or less," you say. Your bouquets are a mix, normally. Some flowers for meaning and some just for looks, unless a customer asks for something specific. You bring the bundle back to the table and wrap it in cellophane and then paper, tying it with a ribbon.

"She likes purple," he chimes in. You snip a length of that ribbon and tie the flowers together. Yes, for sure a girlfriend.

"Do you want a card?"

He blinks a few times. Was he staring at you? "What?"

"For the flowers?" You hold up a small folded piece of paper.

"Oh," he says. "Yeah, sure. Do you write it?" You nod. "Okay, uh. Can it say: Robin, We both know I can't afford to buy you a new couch, but hopefully this makes your place smell good. Eddie."

Eddie. Well, now you have a name for this guy you'll never see again.

"You've got nice handwriting," he says. You tie the card at the end of the ribbon and gently place the bouquet on the counter.

"Thank you." The cash register rings as you type in the price. "Twenty dollars, please." Eddie digs in his pockets and produces the bill. Your hands do not brush when he pays. "I hope she likes them," you say.

He looks confused for a second. Jeez, this guy isn't really focused on his girlfriend. "Oh," he says. "Yeah, thanks."

He waves and manages not to knock anything over on his way out. The door chimes and you sigh. Man, he was cute. You do hope this Robin girl likes her flowers.

Eddie comes back two days later and you find yourself worrying that he's broken something else.

"Did she not like them?" you ask without thinking. Eddie raps his knuckles on the table when he reaches you.

"Who?" His eyes travel up and down your form very quickly. Not like he can see much behind your apron, anyway, but still. Dude!

"Your girlfriend?"

Eddie blinks owlishly and then laughs very loudly. Like, with his whole body, leaning over with his hands on his knees. Oh, he's got rings on. Your stomach does something funny.

"She is not my girlfriend," he says. "Christ, that's funny."

You cross you arms, a bit peeved. "Well, I don't know how I was supposed to know that."

"Sweetheart, if I had a girlfriend and I broke her couch I sure as hell would buy her a new one."

Sweetheart. Is he flirting with you?

"Well, what do you need today, then? Break something else?" This close you can see that he's got some freckles on his nose. You rub your hands on your apron.

"I...do," he says. "Uh, I need something that says 'please don't tell anyone I stole your grill'."

He grins at you. You scoff. "Not asking."

It goes like this for two weeks. Two weeks! Eddie comes in to the shop almost every day and asks for something from you. The requests get more and more absurd.

Sorry you lost your sword crossing the parapet and died. Sorry I smoked too much and ate all of your pickles. Sorry you're not as good at skateboarding as me and fell.

You wonder if he's actually giving these to people.

You ask him so one day.

"Cant a guy just get flowers? Maybe they're all for me, sweetheart." He looks entirely too pleased with himself as he says it.

Or...maybe he's coming in to see you.

No, that would be ridiculous, right? Even if he's been asking you questions about yourself. What you like about flowers, what's the weirdest bouquet you've ever made, what you make most often. They manage to be personal and impersonal questions at the same time.

After two weeks, Eddie comes in and plants his forearms -- very nice forearms, you've noticed -- on the counter and says your name. As if you weren't aware the second he walked into the shop.

"Hi, Eddie," you say. "What is it today?"

"I need to ask a girl on a date," he says. Your stomach sinks.

"Okay," you say softly. Well, it was nice while it lasted. "What does she like?"

"That's the problem," he replies. "I don't know."

"Have you asked?" He might be cute and funny and charming but he certainly is still just a boy.

"Not yet." You wader onto the floor and he follows you as always. "What's your favorite?"

Your heart picks up. He's just asking to be nice, you think. He's just asking because it's a natural part of the conversation. You don't answer, instead lead him to a barrel of dark purple roundish flowers. "These," you say, stroking one of the petals. "Dahlias."

"Beauty, commitment, kindness," Eddie recites. You whip around to face him. He shrugs, a soft smile on his face. "I've been reading up."

"Why?" you ask, breathless.

He reaches past you and plucks one stem from the bunch and holds it out. "Will you go on a date with me?"

Oh. You're going to say yes, obviously. "Have you been coming in here to buy flowers?" you ask. It's not a clear question, but Eddie understands.

He takes a step forward. The flower brushes your chest. "I've spent about a million dollars on flowers just to see you as much as possible."

A laugh bubbles up from your throat. "You're silly, Eddie," you say. He grins.

"So is that a yes?"

You take the flower from him and smell it. "Yes."

thank you for reading <3 reblog, send feedback, masterlist here!

[bongsuvn]

Art by Not A Starchild

HỒ XUÂN HƯƠNG WAS A BISEXUAL?

(Tiếng Việt ở dưới)

Hồ Xuân Hương 胡春香 (1772 – 1822) was one of the greatest poets in Vietnamese history, nicknamed Lady of Nôm Poetry. Most of Hồ Xuân Hương’s works were able to escape the constrained restrictions of traditional literature to reveal her own voice; many called her distinctive language as “serenely profane.” Her poems were famous for their bold sensuality, especially her direct yet flowery depictions of sexual intercourse, completely different from the folk poems of similar motifs by Vietnamese women.

“Congratulations to whoever, skillfully Planted the four posts of the swing, beautifully. Some people climb aboard to swing, while others Are just quiet onlookers, observing and smiling. Curving his knees, the boy arches his back. Twisting her wasp waist, the girl pushes her bosom. Four pink pant-tails are flapping in the wind. Two pairs of jade legs stretch side by side. For these spring games, how many know its true meaning? Once the posts are removed, lie deserted holes!” (The Swing)

However, Hồ Xuân Hương not only liked to describe copulation between men and women, but she also enjoyed detailing the female form through sensuous imagery, as if she herself were being enchanted by her own words.

“My body is both white and round, In water and hills, I now swim, now sink. Whether I be soft or hard, depends on your playful hand, But I still shall keep my true red heart.” (The Floating Cake, Copy of Xuân Hương Poetry version)

“A gorge, a gorge, and yet, the same old gorge. Praise to whoever has gouged out this scene: A lurid red cave with a bushy arch, And rich green boulders covered with algae. Now the stiff wind blows, shaking pine branches. Dewdrops dripping from willow leaves. You who are virtuous, or saintly, who hasn’t tried, Even with weak knees, exhausted feet, to mount it?” (Ode to Ba Dội Gorge, Recorded Collection of National Literature version)

“Summer breeze gently flows from the east, A girl lies to rest but she slips into a deep sleep. Her bamboo comb is loosely attached to her hair, Her pink undergarment drops low on her waist. Virgin dew still veils her two fairy mounts, Water has yet flown through her garden of paradise. Upon noticing, a gentleman hesitates to pass by, Much difficult to leave but troubled if he stays.” (Ode to Sleep, Recorded Collection of National Literature version)

Normally, these poems were analyzed through heteronormative lens, in which Hồ Xuân Hương saw herself as the women in her works, displaying the feminine sexual power under Vietnam’s patriarchal oppression. However, when applying queer theory, these works could be viewed from a different perspective: Hồ Xuân Hương might’ve been writing from the man’s point of view. This was merely a hypothesis, but if the phenomenon of feminized Confucian scholars existed, then there could also exist a masculinized female scholar. Under queer theory, if Hồ Xuân Hương was indeed writing under a male gaze, her works would explode in homoerotic sensuality, particularly of sapphic nature.

Furthermore, Hồ Xuân Hương also had a poem addressed to a woman named Mộng Lan (literally “orchid dream”). There were many theories to explain this work: maybe Mộng Lan was the nickname of a certain man; maybe Mộng Lan was a close friend of hers. But once the poem’s atmosphere was clearly displayed, one could feel the evocation of romance.

“The wind already blows orchid breeze, But the air grows cooler as we meet. The ode to snow continues to echo, My unfinished wine cup still awaits the moon. Chariots, cannons, and horses fight bravely on the chessboard, The instrument strings in twangs and twings, To whoever dreams of my soulmate, Please don’t hesitate to speak.” (To the Flirtatious Lady Mộng Lan, Collection of Unwanted Weed version)

Did the Lady of Nôm Poetry not only write to undermine the Confucian patriarchy, to challenge the oppression of female sexual expression, but also to break the standard of sexuality and gender identity? Could she not only like men, but also women? Could she be bisexual?

In the 17th and 18th centuries, Vietnamese society suffered greatly under the ravaging wars between Cochinchina and Tonkin. While Cochinchina of the south was more relaxed in ideologies, the northern Tonkin was restricted greatly due to Confucianism. According to historian Tạ Chí Đại Trường, due to political and moral suppression, many northern Vietnamese authors would borrow the perspectives and words of women, essentially hiding under a feminine shadow, writing metaphors through another gender. They became known as feminized Confucian scholars. He also noted that many scholars also hid under the pen name of Hồ Xuân Hương.

==================

HỒ XUÂN HƯƠNG LÀ SONG TÍNH LUYẾN ÁI?

Hồ Xuân Hương 胡春香 (1772 – 1822) là một đại thi hào của Việt Nam, được mệnh danh là Bà chúa thơ Nôm 婆主詩喃. Hầu hết thi ca Hồ Xuân Hương theo dòng chảy chung đã thoát được các quan niệm sáng tác cố hữu vốn đề cao niêm luật chặt chẽ để bộc lộ được tiếng nói của thời đại mình; có nhiều người cho rằng đặc sắc của thơ bà là “thanh thanh tục tục 清清俗俗.” Thơ của Hồ Xuân Hương nổi tiếng táo bạo, đầy gợi cảm, đặc biệt là các bài miêu tả giao hợp rất chân thật, bạch hoá tình dục một cách khác hoàn toàn các thơ ca dao cùng mô típ của phụ nữ Việt Nam.

“Bốn cột khen ai khéo khéo trồng, Người thì lên đánh kẻ ngồi trông. Trai co gối hạc khom khom cật, Gái uốn lưng ong ngửa ngửa lòng. Bốn mảnh quần hồng bay phấp phới, Hai hàng chân ngọc duỗi song song. Chơi xuân đã biết xuân chăng tá, Cọc nhổ đi rồi, lỗ bỏ không!” (Đánh đu)

Thế nhưng, Hồ Xuân Hương không chỉ thích miêu tả tình dục giữa trai với gái, mà còn thích diễn tả thân thể phụ nữ một cách mê hoặc gợi tình, như thể bà cũng đang bị từng chữ của mình hấp dẫn vào.

“Thân em vừa trắng lại vừa tròn, Bảy nổi ba chìm mấy nước non. Mềm rắn nhờ tay quân tử vọc, Khăng khăng vẫn giữ tấm lòng son.” (Bánh trôi nước, bản Xuân Hương thi sao 春香詩抄)

“Một đèo một đèo lại một đèo, Khen ai khéo đặt cảnh cheo leo. Cửa son đỏ hoét tùm um móc, Hòn đá xanh rì lún phún rêu. Lắt lẻo cành thông cơn gió thốc, Đầm đìa lá liễu giọt sương gieo. Hiền nhân quân tử ai là chẳng, Mỏi gối chồn chân vẫn muốn trèo.” (Vịnh đèo Ba Dội, bản Quốc văn tùng kí 國文叢記)

“Mùa hè hây hẩy gió nồm đông, Tiên nữ nằm chơi quá giấc nồng. Lược trúc chải cài trên mái tóc, Yếm đào trễ xuống dưới nương long. Ðôi gò Bồng Đảo sương còn ngậm, Một lạch Đào Nguyên suối chửa thông. Quân tử dùng dằng đi chẳng dứt, Đi thì cũng dở ở sao xong.” (Vịnh nằm ngủ, bản Quốc văn tùng kí 國文叢記)

Bình thường thì những câu thơ này đều được phân tích theo định chuẩn hoá dị tính, là bà xem mình trong quan điểm của các cô gái trong thơ, hiển thị sức mạnh tình dục của đàn bà dưới áp chế của phụ hệ. Thế nhưng, nếu ứng dụng thuyết lệch pha, thì có thể xem các loạt thơ này dưới ánh nhìn khác: Hồ Xuân Hương có thể đang viết dưới quan điểm của các quân tử. Đây chỉ là giả thuyết, nhưng nếu đã có hiện tượng nhà Nho lại cái, thì không việc gì cái không thể lại nhà Nho. Nếu đọc các câu thơ dưới thuyết lệch pha, là bà thơ Nôm đang viết dưới ánh nhìn của đàn ông, thì thơ sẽ biểu lộ rạch ròi những miêu tả gợi cảm hướng tới cảm quan đồng tính, cụ thể là đồng tính nữ.

Không chỉ thế, Hồ Xuân Hương còn có một bài thơ gửi một nữ sĩ tên Mộng Lan. Có nhiều thuyết để giải thích thơ: có thể Mộng Lan là biệt danh của một chàng trai nào đó; có thể Mộng Lan là bạn thân thiết của bà. Nhưng nếu diễn lại cảnh trong thơ, thì cũng có thể gợi ra các yếu tố lãng mạn.

“Gió thổi hơi Lan đã mát lừng, Tự nhiên gặp gỡ cũng vì chưng. Câu thơ Vịnh tuyết còn văng vẳng, Chén rượu chờ trăng vẫn ngấn lưng. Cờ muốn thi gan xe pháo mã, Đàn còn lựa gảy tính tình tưng. Nhắn ai mơ kẻ tri âm đó, Xin ngỏ lời ra chớ ngập ngừng.” (Gởi tao nương Mộng Lan 寄騷娘夢蘭, bản Tạp thảo tập 雜草集)

Phải chăng Hồ Xuân Hương đương thời viết thơ không chỉ để đá xéo chế độ phụ hệ Nho giáo, đập tan sự áp bức của chuẩn mực tình dục, mà còn vượt rào tiêu chuẩn của tính dục và giới tính? Phải chăng bà không chỉ thích nam giới, mà còn thích nữ giới? Phải chăng bà là song tính luyến ái?

Vào thế kỉ 17 đến 18, xã hội Việt Nam có nhiều biến động với sự chia cắt Đàng Trong và Đàng Ngoài. Khi Đàng Trong có vẻ phóng khoáng hơn, thì Đàng Ngoài, những Nho sĩ bị cấm đoán nhiều hơn. Theo lí giải của nhà sử học Tạ Chí Đại Trường 謝志大長, chính sự đè nén về chính trị và đạo đức đã khiến một bộ phận tác giả mượn lời người nữ, núp bóng đàn bà, chuyển giới tưởng tượng để thác lời, sáng tác; họ trở thành những nhà Nho lại cái. Ông cũng cho rằng đã có vài Nho gia núp bóng dưới cái tên của Hồ Xuân Hương.

__________ Tham khảo: talawas.org/talaDB/showFile.php?res=10067&rb=0102 thivien.net/Hồ-Xuân-Hương/author-PBy92bBuBMMs53v9tc9E0A tienve.org/home/literature/viewLiterature.do?action=viewArtwork&artworkId=3830

__________ *Định chuẩn hoá dị tính (heteronormativity): niềm tin dị tính xác định qua chuẩn mực hệ nhị phân giới để áp đặt lên lối sống, suy nghĩ, lịch sử, văn hoá của con người lẫn động vật, xem những thứ không chuẩn mực với hệ nhị phân giới là bất thường, không tự nhiên

*Hệ nhị phân giới (gender binary): sự phân loại giới thành hai thái cực đối lập nhau, hoặc là nam, hoặc là nữ, thường theo hệ thống xã hội hoặc theo từng vùng văn hoá

*Thuyết lệch pha (queer theory): một lí thuyết phê bình văn học chuyên quan tâm đến giới tính, tính dục, và tình dục; mục tiêu bao trùm là để giải cấu trúc các chuẩn mực trong xã hội, cụ thể là định chuẩn hoá dị tính, đồng thời điều tra cách thức và lí do chúng ra đời

*Cảm quan đồng tính (homoerotism): nhận thức và cảm nhận hướng tới đồng tính luyến ái

*Đồng tính nữ (lesbian): người phụ nữ bị lôi cuốn trên phương diện tình dục hoặc tình yêu bởi những người phụ nữ khác

*Song tính luyến ái (bisexuality): mối quan hệ hay chỉ sự hấp dẫn tình cảm hoặc tình dục của một người với hai giới tính, nam và nữ, hoặc là nhiều hơn một phái tính hay giới tính

[phoenixeclipse-lmkau]

Journey Out of The West - Chapter # 1 Lost in the Unknown

All she wanted to do was see her friend, so how did she end up lost in the unknown? And was she… A MONKEY!?

"I win," Rose heard her sister's cheerful voice laugh. 

Immediately Rose jumped up to see that yes her older sister Lily had indeed captured her king. A smug smirk covered the blonde woman's face as she had not even an ounce of regret from her victory. Bright black eyes stared into her little sister's soul with glee. However it soon turned to worry when she didn't give any other reaction than staring at the board after she stood up.

Rose stood staring at the board game in front of her with a shocked expression across her face. Her sister just beat her at chess, Lily NEVER beat her at chess. Why had she lost? Was she really that out of her wits? That was the only way she could have won.

She raked a hand through her short , rich brown hair, her hand catching in the curls and tangles. Pain sparked as she tugged causing her to wince slightly, it's not like she meant to hurt herself but it was just so easy to. She glared at her hand for a while before turning her black gaze up to her sister who was watching her with worry. At her sister’s expression she let out a sigh and sat back down into her seat. 

“Are you alright Rose?” Lily asked her brows knitted together as she leaned over the table on crossed arms.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. Are you sure you didn't cheat?" she responded only to get a squawk from her sister who was very clearly offended that she would even suggest such a thing.

She laughed as her sister practically jumped over the table attack her with an angered expression. Her face covered in a dark red flush all the way up to her ears that were on full display showing off the several earring cuff piercings that her hair normally hid. The pair of sisters went tumbling to the ground in a fit of sequels and laughter.

They both heard their oldest sister's heels clicking against the floor towards them but neither of them seemed to care too much. That is until they felt a Sharp pain tug at their ears until they were pulled away from each other. Rather quickly the two girls looked up at their oldest sister who was staring down at them both with a light frown on her face.

"No fighting in the store," the brunette lightly growled with before releasing the two.

Like her sister Rose, she had short dark brown hair and light black eyes. She looked like an older version of her with slight wrinkles below her eyes and a calm expression. Unlike Rose who held no wrinkles yet and tended to wear a smile or a frown, not one to stay in a state of calm for too long.

"We weren't fighting," Lily replied dramatically as she rubbed her now sore ear.

"Really?" Their oldest sister Orchid questioned crossing her arms across her chest.

"Yeah we were just messing around," Rose nodded, slightly rolling her eyes at Orchid's strict nature, sometimes it could be suffocating the way she would 'fix' their behavior.

"Just yesterday you two were almost fist fighting." 

Now that got the two to shut up. They had gotten into a big fight just the other day over... Something. Rose couldn't remember what it was though. They tended to fight over the most trivial things and it would always piss off their oldest sister every time. However as she stared at the two sheepish expressions in front of her, she sighed before giving them both a warm smile.

"So Lily beat you at chess?"Orchid asked with a smirk.

"No she cheated," Rose stressed the word cheated even though she knew it was probably not true.

"Excuse me!I did no such thing! You, young lady were just distracted!" Lily refuted a deep frown on her face.

"Distracted? Me? I'm never distracted" Rose rolled her eyes as she exacturated the facts.

"Distracted? Are your nightmares bothering you again?" Orchid's tone became worried rather quickly when the mention of Rose being distracted came up. 

Rose couldn't help the full body flinch. It wasn't often that she was distracted but when she was it was usually because of the nightmares. Flickers of flames flashed through her vision which she quickly pushed away. She did NOT want to think about that right now or ever really. Of course her sisters had other plans though.

“It would explain why you’ve been out of it all day. And why you asked for a distraction,” Lily nodded in though as she glanced to her sister.

"I am not dealing with nightmares," Rose argued, while knowing full well that every word was a bold faced lie.

Unfortunately for her neither of her sisters believed a single word that she spoke. Lily walked up to her squishing her face in her soft hands. There was a stern look on her face as she examined Rose's expression. What she found didn't seem to please her as she pushed her little sister back into her seat.

The nightmares in question were that of a burning forest. Screams that pierced through the air, both familiar and unfamiliar. The voices all called her name both Orchid and Lily's voices blended together along with several other voices. All of which she couldn't recognize no matter how hard she tried.

These nightmares were always there at the back of her mind even when she tried to push them away. They stopped her from sleeping and made fear wash over her any time she woke up. Orchid tried to talk with her about them but was rejected every time. Lily on the other hand seemed to understand her want of not talking about them. For that she was for more grateful than she cared to admit.

"Lily?" Orchid began but was rather quickly cut off.

"Hush, if Rose doesn't want to talk about it then we can't make her.u I'll just beat her at chess again instead," Lily explained with a wide grin.

The gesture was one that Rose couldn't help but be extremely thankful for. As much as she and Lily fought they could always count on each other. With that in mind she began helping her sister pick up the scattered chess pieces. They were just about to set the board back up when their mother walked into the dining hall. 

"Good morning mom,"Orchid was the first to speak.

"Good morning!" both Rose and Lily copied her with wide smiles on their faces.

Rose's mother Li Lilac was a beautiful woman with long dark brown curls, vibrant black eyes, a pear shaped figure and a warm smile. Walking up to her daughters she looked at Rose with a look of confusion. Of course she was met with a confused look from the woman in question. 

"Is something wrong mom?" Rose asked with a confused expression. Why was she looking at her like that?

“I thought you were going to meet up with your friend today,” She responded with a slight frown as she tried to think about if the plans had changed, they hadn’t.

“SHIT! I forgot I was going to visit Samantha today!” She yelled as she jumped up and rushed to pack her bag to get ready to leave. 

She didn’t have time to sit here like this! Samantha was waiting for her and would absolutely have her head if she was late again. How could she have forgotten that she promised to visit with her friend today. She berated herself with insults. She had promised to do some scrapbooking with her, so she had to bring her own scrapbook. It wasn’t the most ‘important’ thing but with how often she was late and her friend’s temper it was never fun to hear how she was late. 

“Rose!” Orchid yelled before she could even finish collecting her things. 

Whipping her head around to face her sister she chuckled at the stern gaze that looked back at her. Orchid held her eyes on Rose for a moment before letting out a sigh and ruffling her sister’s hair. Immediately she tried to fix it but looked at the time, she was already late by almost ten minutes. It was a miracle that Sam hadn’t called her yelling about punctuality by now. 

“Have a nice day!” Her mother called after her as Rose ran out of the building without much thought. 

Her sisters looked at each other and gave matching smiles. It was just like the youngest to be so reckless with her time, they thought fondly. Orchid went back to the kitchen to help their mother with some new baked goods while Lily began to pack up everything on the table. As she picked up the knight she couldn’t help but smile. 

>>><<<

“Shit, shit! I just had to get distracted and completely forget about Sam,” Rose growled to herself as she ran along the pavement. 

The sun was low in the sky, shining rays of light along the pavement. The wind was blowing golden leaves across the street around her. The sight before her was breathtaking as the soft golden glow of the sun hit the leaves reflecting light off of them. Autumn was one of her favorite seasons a season that brought her both joy and bitterness. The bitterness coming from the fact of knowing that when autumn came that meant winter was also approaching. Her nose crinkled at the thought of the cold that was to come.

Quickly she took a turn around the street corner and sped up. She would be there soon, it only took about 15 minutes to run from the cafe to the meeting spot that she and Samantha loved to use. Taking in a deep breath she continued to run in hopes that her friend wasn’t going to be too mad about her arrival of being so late. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” She muttered to herself worried about how late she was going to be.

She continued to try and calm herself down for a while as she ran. She was so dead if she was any more late than she already was. She should have chosen a different outfit. Samantha wanted to go to a bar tonight, and was willing to drag her 24 year old friend who had never had a drink of alcohol yet. It wasn’t as though she had never been able to, the thought of being black out drunk just wasn’t appealing and she didn’t know how much she could tolerate. 

Pushing that thought away she thought about what she had chosen to wear for the day. The same thing she normally wore, a pair of dark green cargo pants and a tight black tank top with a simple jacket overtop of it. A single ruby earring hung from her left ear, it was a gift from Samantha who wore the other earring of the set. 

She was so focused on her clothing and being late that she didn’t notice it at first, that soft quiet sound. A single almost silent chime of a bell. She wouldn’t have noticed it at all if not for it happening again, and again with each chime the sound growing louder. She came slowly to a stop almost as if something was stopping her, she was halfway there to her destination. 

Why was she stopping?

When she was finally still and staring at the ground in confusion she forced herself to look up and she gasped. There in front of her was a large, old shrine like building made completely out of stone. What was odd is that she had never seen this building before in her life. A short stairway led into something of a courtyard. Without realizing it she was walking into the building when she heard another chime of the bell. Looking around she was fascinated by the building that suddenly appeared, something throwing her caution straight out the window. 

The shrine was old and clearly not taken care of. Vines crawled up the short stone pillars, some of the pillars being broken in half or fallen. There was one that looked as though it was cut clean in half. The wooden doors at the other end of the yard were broken and falling off of their hinges. Cracks lined the walls beside the door. As Rose walked closer in all she saw was more of the broken shrine. 

It made her awestruck, she continued forward towards the broken door. She didn’t know why, she was still in a partial daze. There was something pulling her foreword, or pushing her, she didn’t know. It was as if she didn’t have any control. She couldn’t follow the nagging feeling in her head that begged her to stop, to think about what she was doing. All she could do was focus solely on the door that beckoned her forward. 

She finally came to a dead stop right in front of the door. The wood was half rotted, cracks covered the entire thing, the golden hinges were broken and looked almost rusted. It was then that everything flooded back into her mind, and she took a huge step back. She once again had control over her own body. 

“What am I doing!?” She nearly yelled, and quickly turned around to get out of the strange place. 

But it was too late.

Another chime of the bell, it was a singe sound, it neither echoed nor repeated and everything changed. All at once the vines sank into the ground, all the cracks glowed and vanished as the door that was now behind her repaired itself. 

Rose let out a real scream of surprise as the town around the shrine vanished before her eyes. Large trees grew around her, a lush forest surrounded her in a matter of seconds. The moon was suddenly in the middle of the sky it’s cool glow directly down on her. She ran up to the stairway and froze looking out at the large stone pathway that stood before her. 

Her heart pounded in her chest as fear covered her face. Gasping in shock she tried to make heads or tails of her situation. She whirled around to the now beautiful shrine that was in front of her. She backed away from it, her body beginning to shake as she tried to figure out what was going on. 

“What the hell just happened!?” She nearly yelled as she took several steps back, eyes wide with fear. 

She whipped her head back and forth trying to find the road that was just right here. Taking deep breaths she realized that she might be spiraling, was she dreaming, hallucinating? Yeah, it had to be one of those things, there was no way that this, any of this was real.

There was a low creak behind her and she whipped her head towards the shrine where she heard what sounded like wood creaking. Taking a gulp of breath she attempted to calm herself down. There must be some logical solution to all of this, surely. She took as step back towards the shrine, and almost immediately fell as he foot hooked onto the step in front of her. 

“Ow,” She groaned getting back up. 

She looked back behind her, and sure enough the forest was still there standing tall and proud. So this wasn’t a dream, it must have been some sort of hallucination then. Clearly this had to be some sort of hallucination. Maybe she took drugs? Maybe she passed out? Had she had enough water today? Had she eaten today? 

She had to get home. Now wasn’t the time for questions. No this was exactly the time for questions. Looking straight at the shrine door she pushed herself fully up to her feet. She started walking towards it, before throwing herself into a full sprint until she stopped in front of the door. Grabbing the handle she tried to open the door to no avail. She pulled and pulled, her grip on the handle slipping several times. 

“Come on damnit!” She yelled trying to open the stubborn doorway. 

The sound of dripping water sounded behind her causing her to spin around. Her eyes widened in shock as a large pool of water suddenly sat before her. That wasn’t there a minute ago, the pool was surrounded by rocks stopping it from spreading as if it was something that had been there for a while. It was beautiful with the moon shimmering off of the surface of the water. Something, something told her to go towards the pool. 

With a gulp she walked up to the edge of the water and peered in it. She nearly screamed at the sight of her reflection jumping back immediately. Quickly she looked at her hands and any revealing skin, sure enough there was dark brown fur all over her body. In a panic she looks back into the water to get a better look at herself. 

Was she… a monkey? Her body was covered in thick dark brown fur, a light pink mask color surrounded her eyes in the shape of a heart, and her ears were slightly more rounded. Her eyes had gone from black to a vibrant pink. These weren’t the only things that were odd, she just now began to notice the slight twinge of pain from her shoes as she shifted her ‘feet’? She was too scared to look at them.

That wasn’t even beginning to mention the three feathers that were on her forehead, each red, with blue, green and yellow respectively on each tip. Red, orange and yellow feathers were scattered through her fur accompanied by dark red roses. She lifted a hand to one of the feathers in her hair first and pulled but winced when she pulled at her scalp. Yeah, they were attached. Her hair was still short so their weren’t that many but the concept of them being their at all sent a shiver down her spine. 

None of this even began to figure the concept of the way dark red, orange and gold wings spread behind her. A single movement had the feathers shift allowing some of them to fall freely onto the ground. She watched as they extended from her back, that would explain how she didn’t feel them before.

“What is happening right now…?” Tears welled in her eyes as she tried to calm down. 

Picking herself up from the ground where she sat on her knees she took several steps back her pounding even harder in her chest. She whirled herself around and threw herself at the door, bashing into it with her shoulder. Pain sparked through her shoulder causing her to shout as she jumped back to hold it, trying to stop the pain from spreading. She hissed through her teeth her gaze falling to the ground where her eyes locked onto the sight of a long, dark brown, fluffy tail. 

The sight of the tail that swayed around made tears well up in her eyes and finally she started to cry. Falling to her knees, holding her shoulder, and leaning forward she cried not knowing what else she could do. Her eyes burned as she sat there sobbing for what felt like hours but was probably only a few minutes. 

The slightly cold air around her began to warm up. A gentle aura filled the area around her and her tears slowly calmed down. In shock she sat up in an instant before turning around and freezing at the sight of a woman before her. 

A woman with long black hair, deep blue eyes with a soft face. She stood there silently, standing in a long white hanfu with golden embroidery that filled the trim of the dress. Behind her was a boy no older than 18 who probably looked just as shocked as Rose. The boy looked similar to the woman in appearance, probably a son to her. 

“Child, are you hurt?” Her voice was warm and calm. 

“Who are you?” Rose muttered, a calming warmth surrounded her. 

“My name is Guan Yin, it is a pleasure to meet you. Now can you tell me if you are hurt,” She responded stepping closer until she was standing over the still kneeling monkey. 

Her words caught in her throat as the woman placed a gentle hand on her head. The pain in her shoulder and knees all but vanished without her telling the woman of the injuries. She gasped as the woman kneeled down in front of her a warm smile gracing her lips. 

“It is okay child, it’s going to be okay,” Guan Yin said with a soothing voice.

With a firm hand Guan Yin gently lifted Rose up to her feet. With a hand on her back she began to lead her to the boy who was standing next to a floating, lotus shaped platform. She was gently ushered towards it, and when she tried to stop the boy pulled her forward looking around, as if something was about to jump out.  

“W-What-?” Rose tried to speak. 

“I will explain everything to you. For now we must leave, this place is not safe,” She explained rather quickly. 

“I don’t understand-,” Rose tried to speak but was unable to get many words out as she sat onto the platform followed by Guan Yin and her son. 

She gasped when suddenly the lotus platform was suddenly high in the sky. Her gaze falling to the ground and she froze when she noticed several large beasts walking towards the shrine she was just in. Large purple and grey monsters walked up to the building carrying clubs and swords. They looked around with snarls, one of them slamming a club into the ground when they didn’t find anything. 

“What in the world,” Rose muttered eyes wide and filled with horror. 

“That was close,” The boy spoke beside her as he looked over the edge. 

“This place isn’t safe we need to leave,” Guan Yin said, sitting down as the platform began to move. 

“What are they?” Rose couldn’t help but ask as she looked at the woman who sat calmly in the center of the lotus. 

“Demons. These ones are vicious and cruel. They would have killed you on sight if they had found you,” She explained, a slight frown on her face.

“You never told us your name. My name is Moksha,” The boy spoke up, turning Rose’s attention to him. Before she was able to tell him her name Guan Yin spoke up in a calm and gentle tone. 

“Phoenix, we shall address you as Phoenix. There is a lot to explain and we will as soon as we reach my home in the Southern Sea,” The woman said as they continued on, all other words soon falling out of Rose’s lips. 

She didn’t know what to say. This woman refused to listen to what her name was and simply decided to call her something completely different. She didn’t know why but it didn’t make her angry, it was strange that was for sure but… it was almost nice. Her body was now completely calm unlike earlier when she was nearly having a panic attack. 

Now all she needed to do was remain calm and figure out exactly what was going on. She looked up at the woman again and took a deep breath. Something told her she could trust this woman. She wasn’t sure if she should… but as she felt her mind calm and her body relax she decided that she didn’t really have all that much of a choice. 

>>><<<

As the demons searched the newly built shrine each of them discussed what the new energy that filled the air could be. It must have been a newborn, at least that’s what they suspected it to be. Some sort of demon or celestial child that was born in the dead of night filling the surrounding area with ethereal energy. 

“If we find it, we can eat it!” One of the demons growled. 

“We have to find it, weather we eat it or not! Something this powerful in our territory, could mean great fortune,” Another yelled as he searched the area with a low growl of breath. 

“… or great disaster,” The third said as he narrowed his eyes at the shrine before them. 

“Don’t be so down brother,” The first laughed whole heartedly, he believed his brother to be too much of a coward.

His brother was about to respond but before he could there was a strange crackle of energy that filled the air. It was different, powerful, and old. But worst of all for the demons it was so similar to the new energy that filled the air. The parent was here. 

In only a matter of moments each of the brothers fell to the ground, no one touched them and no one appeared for them to see their killer. The shrine went silent as the bodies vanished to dust because of this old being. It was only after they were dead and the area was filled with a silence that the person made themselves known to no one. 

A man stood in the middle of the shrine, a large black cloak covered his body with dark red roses embroidered next to pink lilies, and purple orchides at the hem of his clock. Each flower sewn carefully in an uneven line surrounded by golden leaves. Below the hood of his clock nothing but a shadow was seen as the man walked towards the edge of the shrine where Rose must have left. 

He did nothing but sigh, so it was the youngest’s turn. He couldn’t help but wonder what she would choose to do. A small smile lifted his lips, she wasn’t alone. She had come in the nick of time to rescue her just as she needed to. He hadn’t thought she would make it but she did. 

“We will meet soon, Li Rose, no Li Phoenix. An odd nickname… I can’t say I like it,” He muttered thinking bitterly of flames and smoke. 

Without another word he turned and vanished in a swirl of mist. Even with his departure, the forest remained silent almost as if it was afraid of his return. A return that was inevitable with the newest addition that arrived in the world. An addition that can either help the world with good life and fortune or bring more chaos to the world without a care for who she hurts. 

There was no telling what she would bring, there was no telling how dangerous she could become or how much she cared about others. There was no telling who she was, the only one to tell that was time. Time would tell everything about her until there was nothing left in secret about this new woman. 

Like and Comment if you enjoyed please 🩷

I plan to update every other week but I can't make any promises with my schedule 😅

Arc Summery

Chapter #2 - Coming Soon

[pangur-and-grim]

hey Greer, just curious because I was poking at steam and remembered it, how's that game you and your brother were working on going? The Normal Orchid game?

the demo is actually finished! or pretty much, anyway.

my brother-in-law held up his end, it's all coded and ready to go. the big delay is that I need to finish 5 background illustrations, and keep not finding the time to do so. need to turn digital sketches like the below one into scanned risograph prints.

I was actually working on it full-steam last year until I had a surprise breakdown and wrote a book in a month, and since then the writing demons have consumed me. BUT I am going to make a serious attempt to finish things for the end of 2023!

[spotaus]

Thinking about Orchid and her connection to my take on Gender (because this was meant to be about her and the Crew but it just devolved into a character analysis kinda??? More trauma-dumping maybe???) This is very much an oc/personal rant so feel free to ignore it 🫡

So, Orchid started off as a character I didn't really think much of (hear me out this is going to be relevant) because I wanted to add a 'girl' character but didn't know what to *do* with her, y'know? She was always going to be the strongest one there, she had the odds stacked in her favor with her parents. She was always going to be the gloomy side-character to match Reset's energy. But I think she's gone through every stage of Generic Woman I could possibly find.

At first she was angry and abrasive (think Fell!Sans) where every other word was a curse and she was likely to throw the first punch then laugh as she kicks her enemy while they're down. This was when Reset was a cartoonishly self-centered villain whose goal was simply to prove others wrong. Then Orchid became a sort of sisterly figure. This was short-lived, but she was the one comforting people who Reset would torment, but would ultimately follow his orders, because at this point he was actually a danger and sadistic. And then there was the phase where the story mellowed out and she became the token Goth Girl who, yes she was strong, but was heavy on the 'whatever' energy. Then there was her Era of deep self-loathing and anxiety about her worth that held her back and made her a much more timid and meek character who would only lash out on occasion.

Now, Orchid is the best of those iterations I've written yet. She's calm, level-headed, and a natural leader. Her father raised those traits into her. But she's very reactive, and can be silly, and when she's comfortable it's likely that air of importance transforms into something more comfortable and familiar. She laughs loudly and grins wide, she likes loud video-games but loves to read in the quiet. She's extremely disciplined, and normally no one can get through her tough exterior besides her best friend, Reset. She does what she does for her own enjoyment, sure, but she's thought of every angle and makes her choice to help Reset and control the others with her whole chest. She still worries she won't live up to her invisible expectations, and that and her loyalty are her two driving forces.

I know that Orchid is important to me because she's the longest-running female oc I've had. I have a rough relationship with womanhood/girlhood and I know looking back that Orchid recieved every ounce of my distaste for being a woman that I could shovel into her. That never made her less of a character, she was actually always one of my favorites, and rarely was she a 'punching bag oc'. I just... projected onto her a lot. And she's a good sign of how I've learned who I am. I've decided that my own femininity is something I could live without. I'd rather not associate myself with it, and I'd like to leave it in my past, focusing on a future where I'm not tied down with any gender roles or expectations. That won't happen, but I've come to terms with it myself. Orchid though? I figured out through her that I don't have to hate women characters. My own distaste for my circumstances doesn't mean I have to push it onto my characters (on God I've never expressed anything rude to actual people, that'd be rude as hell and uncalled for, but I have a bad habit of disliking fictional women in media). So, Orchid is a well-roubded character finally. She has motivations abd goals and a *lot* more depth than I ever expected her to. She's happy with being a woman, she's content. She's not treated differently for it in unfair ways by those she cares about, so she doesn't mind it. She likes to wear pretty outfits and lets Reset add bows to her ribbons. She doesn't let being a woman hold her back in the slightest.

So, yeah. Orchid is one of my babies. If I ever leave this Fandom behind for good, she's one that's coming with (Ichor, Orchid, and Pretender all have human designs I can use elsewhere lol-) but in the meantime I'll just rotate her around in my brain for a while longer.

If I'm right, she's been with me for nearly 5-6 years and I went through a *lot* with her as an outlet. So, she's kinda just like an old stuffed animal. A lil ripped, matted fur, maybe a stain or two, but there's a story there and that makes it important beyond belief.

[candysweetposts]

Hi ! I'm coming to you because I obviously don't understand how to get the eyes or even the "avatar" parts of the Su' (Eyes, Mouths, etc...) Do you know how we can do it? Because I admit that with the new makeup, some people might seriously interest me in my Customs and my OCs! TwT

I also point out that I tried to mark full instead of hanger but it didn't work... So I was wondering if there was anything else to modify! And so if you had the answer! Sorry again for the inconvenience...

Hi,

I did some tutorials before but I feel like it was all over the place so let me do it again since I sort of "master it".

First, you go to the closet and press f12 or right-click and then inspect element. A panel will open. From here you go to Network.

As you can see there's nothing here, yet. Click on another category or even on a single element. I went to dresses and the thumbnails started to appear.

You mentioned you wanted to download avatar parts. So let's go there. Let's take eyes for example. We go to the eyes category and then click on them. Yes, unfortunately you need to own them but we can get around that too if we want but let's finish here. You click on the eyes and you notice more stuff started to appear on the other pannel, particularly these:

Those are the elements that make your avatar, eyes, lips, brows even skin. Click on them and then it would automatically on in a new tab exactly how you need them. No need to change anything, if you have something in the game you can get it like this no problem.

If you don't... you have to open them in a new tab ann change some stuff on the URL. Let's take these colorful calavera eyes.

Now let's compare the URL of this to the earlier image:

As you can see in the one that's full HD there are also some other stuff added like "N_HalfOpen_FrontLook" and also "Body". There is also "rose" that's the skin tone( there are 7 skin tones including an 8th which is just for any skin). What are those? What do they mean? Those elements are related to certain facial expressions.

The capital letter N means normal but there also can be H (happy) or S (sad -for lips) or even A (angry- for eyebrows).

The other one is how the eyes are presented. We have Closed, Open, HalfOpen, WideOpen and Closed_Open.

And FrontLook is the direction of the eyes. There is also

LeftLook

and TopRightLook

You can find these if you go to facial expression and click on some and see every variations.

So what will we do is copy some stuff from the first one and put it in the second one:

That is for eyelids or "FrontLook". For eyes only, you just need to add things:

For skin tones. Those are lys, rose, tulip, marigold, hortensia, orchid pansy and "no" which is basically no skin tone

Those are some of the examples I could give.

I hope it helped!

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesdaypost year in review

this year brought to you by viewers like you. thank you! i still do not know how to thank everyone for their incredible generosity during the Late July/Early August Moving Catastrophe Badtimes and im still feelin some kinda way about it. thank you.

took eight weeks completely off, more than any other year so far

overnight traveled for work for the first time

moved cross country with Mack to face dangers untold and hardships unnumbered

bought an actual for-real couch and not a futon

got Phil

(unrelated to Phil) i got spayed after almost ten years of begging and pleading various medical professionals, (also unrelated) got covid and RSV back to back

listening

fallow weeks: 8. i almost always have a tuesdaysong bc i am almost always listening to something. all of the tuesdaysongs are here:

particular favorites were Peel Me A Grape (Anita O’Day), top spotify song of the year Yeah Yeah Yeah (Blood Orchid), Yeah Yeah Yeah’s Wolf remixed by Sextile, Father Finlee (Spence Hood), A Minha Menina (Os Mutantes).

the very last tuesdaysong of the year is Sugar Rum Cherry by Duke Ellington, one of the few christmas songs i tolerate.

special shoutout to the austin underscore walker universe of podcasts, bc i mainlined A More Civilized Age (clone wars/star wars rewatch) while packing, and devoured P/alisade (the newest scifi season of F/riends at the Table) this month.

-

reading

fallow weeks: 11. pleased that i am killing the invisible rules in my head and including more articles instead of feeling guilty about Not Reading A Real Book!!! every week when i sit down to write the tuesdaypost. read a fuckton earlier this year bc i was procrastinating moving prep, have not read much since i moved.

article sources:

inoreader (the best free RSS feed/app imo)

The Markup (gold standard usage of data to show how various technologies are being used to harm the public good: you may have heard of the recent American bills to equalize internet service and fix organ donation grift. that was them)

Web 3 Is Going Just Great (crypto disasters)

404 Media (technology reporting, internet culture, also break a lot of data/legal/privacy scandals)

Remap (formerly Vice's video games division Waypoint, more active on podcasts and twitch but do have great personal essays about gaming longreads)

Retraction Watch (an important academic service but platformed a particularly virulent transphobe and let the comments devolve into a free for all. yes im still mad about this)

Krebs on Security (~once a month extremely long and thoughtful infosec writeups)

Data Colada (cover academic data whoopsies, currently being sued for their journalism)

the two authors i spent the most time with this year were Alexis Hall (romance novels and novellas) and Raymond Chandler's noir detective novels. i read 90% of Raymond Chandler's work in march and went insane about yet another sad bisexual man. Philip Marlowe the cat is named after his pet detective, the human Philip Marlowe.

march was kind of a banger for this category bc in one of what i consider the best tuesdayposts this year, i tried to break down why i fucking hated Frank Miller's Sin City comics so much.

other comics, but ones i loved: Spy X Family, Berserk, weird noir DC miniseries The Human Target.

-

watching

fallow weeks: 10

notable stuff i watched for the first time (according to letterboxd) that will stick in my head for a bit. some (The Night of the Hunter) i am so glad i watched once but do not feel the need to revist. some (Slipstream) fascinate me with how good they could have been. some (Twilight. all of them) were fun bc of the people i watched them with. the two i went particularly deranged over are The Big Sleep and Day of Anger. still feel very normal about them.

very heavy on crime and courtroom films this year!

television: very excited for s2 of Blue Eye Samurai, Interview With The Vampire, Spy X Family.

i should loop back and finish Black Lagoon, Adventure Time (completely forgot i rewatched most of that this spring), and The Big O. that last one is throwing me a little bc (since i last checked) there is no freely available version with subtitles (i cannot find subtitles Period) and i'll be damned if i have to import a dvd. i can find the dub with subtitles but! i want to hear spike spiegel as mecha-batman :(

sort of lukewarm eh-i'll-get-around-to-it about s/tar wars shows. i have not watched a/hsoka At All or wrapped up the animated Resistance show. i'll pay attention when ando/r is airing again.

-

playing

fallow weeks: 10. way fewer than i would have guessed!

the trouble with this category is that it is exceptionally hard to find new good games (either ones i already own or ones that are free). it is almost completely prohibitively exhausting to trawl through the free category on steam. there's simply a lot of cruft out there. a very good thing (but also incredibly timeconsuming thing) i started this year was throwing games into various folders so the eight bajillion libraries i have are less overwhelming. i can safely ignore 80% of my epic games library, for example. the itch.io library is a whole separate weekend project i think.

got back into genshin for good or for ill, which took up most of the back half of the year.

go play ABZU. i am no longer asking.

i would like to go back and finish the RPG Gamedec, un-softblock myself in the RPG Weird West, and finish the visual novel Dead Man's Rest. i think i stalled out in Call of Juarez: Gunslinger bc there was a mexican standoff that my reflexes are simply not fast enough for/too much to pay attention to. i am excited to pick up that spooky fishing simulator DREDGE when i have fun money again.

completely forgot i spent most of jan/feb/march being annoyed at fallou/t 4 but having some fun in Far Harbor, also forgot i spent an entire month playing through Wolfenstein: The New Order but i am not compelled to play through it again. it was fun! but like many games after one playthrough my time with it is done!

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making

fallow weeks: 17 (unsurprising, pretty low energy year as a whole as i recovered from covid rounds 1 and 2 and the frankly insane stress of moving).

wrote exactly one fic: some matters at the heart of cowboy western snap shirts: why they are so and some of the implications of their being so, i would like to write more next year but i don't really have the brainpower. i hope this changes soon.

the baby blanket i started last year is still not done but the baby is still under a year so i have a very narrow window of time.

dyed some couch covers im still very pleased with

wrote an extremely long but very well received gallery wall guide

recipes: 12. sort of shocked by this? i am becoming an incrementally better cook and slowly finding recipes i both like and can successfully execute. found the fortitude to caramelize onions, for example. quick pickled red onions, for another thing. big year for protein or greens on top of beans and rice. faves included: cuban-style pork shoulder, hellofresh peruvian chicken, red lentil soup, white bean/kale/rice bowls

i would like to be less terrified about cooking fish. i would like to eat more fish.

and of course, the biggest project of all, acquired Phil. here is my very favorite photo ive ever taken of a cat

[team-bloom]

now.. this should work now.

howdy folks, the names apollo. you've probably seen me and my posse on little orion's blog. yeah, we decided that having this 'blog' stuff would work.

now... our tags:

Blossom [BRIGHTNEY] ( the leader and founder of this team and the base, she does a mighty fine job at doing it. ) [ #the lamp rogue ]

Apollo [ASTRO] ( i help around with the team usually. sometimes the one who helps brightney with leading incase she ain't there. ) [ #the crescent ranger ]

Takashi [RODGER] ( he is the team healer, as somehow he got his hands on some medical knowledge down there. usually just investigates down there. seems like him meddling with other's business stays even in alternate universes, ha! ) [ #the glass cleric ]

Toby [GOOB] ( a grump, even as a goob! don't get on his nerves, he would be as angry as a rowdy crowd of cattle! he's our support, but he isn't unarmed. i've seen him go mad on a crowd of twisteds once! he uses his teeth to bite, and scratches or chokes the twisteds. sometimes even headbutting them like an angry bull! ) [ #the plush barbarian ]

Orchid [DANDY] ( ...a good man. a shame he had to die so early. IM STILL HERE. edit: the buckaroo's still alive... in a sense. he just haunts us now.) [ #the flower bard ]

that's all of 'em. see ya'll soon.

[ Ongoing Event: #[EVENT: ICHOR DECAY] ]

[ literally here cause main rp blog is still experiencing it so ]

[ Hey guys its Donut with another dandy's world rp blog- this one is connected to my last one. Had to make 'em a seperate account because why not. ]

[ There is Lampbulb (Dandy x Brightney), sorry chat ]

[ The connected rp blog: @2-toons-2-twists ]

[ I go by she/her, and i speak ooc with brackets or make posts that are ooc tagged #ooc ]

[ Normal DNI list. No transphobia, no homophobia, no racism, no terfs, no rudeness to the mod. Mod is a minor so no NSFW, I will allow slight suggestive asks since these characters ARE indeed adults. ]

[ Rox may be gone, but I wish to stay f2p on the game. ]