#No my presentation is not masculine just because I'm not wearing makeup and don't wear dresses.

[demisexual-in-distress]

get my huskerdusters in this bitch

ok so I havent made a post of my own in a fuckin while but I needed to say this.

Angel Dust is a feminine man, okay, right, got that. Husk prefers to present more masculinely. Ofc, go off kings, great. Before I say any more, and I've only said 2 things, I want people to understand I AM ALL FOR GENDER FUCKERY, ESPECIALLY IN FANDOM! Make that man wear a dress! Give him some makeup, I don't care if it's out of character! Genderbends are really fucking cool! However, when it comes to huskerdust, some things are looked past. Some of the things they've done with Angel in fanfiction and fanart wouldn't be okay if he was a woman, they'd be considered misogynistic.

I used a bunch of tags in this post talking about this before (please read that post itself too!!)

Angel Dust is not a woman. We all know this by now, unless you've been living under a rock since the pilot came out. And, if you've been following hazbin hotel, I'd like to assume you're all for rights no matter what gender you identify with and, most likely, are a feminist.

So why and how is this being done to Angel Dust, a(n, as of current knowledge,) CIS MAN?

In so many fics and fanart, Husk is painted as the savior. Angel is a damsel in distress, even though we've clearly seen that he knows how to defend himself. Angel was in the mafia. We heard him in episode four, "I can handle myself, baby." He clearly doesn't need Husk to protect him, and never has. And Husk, as far as we know, has never really taken on that savior role, or ever really needed to. It isn't pressured onto his character. This isn't to be confused with his protective nature, which derives from his parental tendencies.

Sometimes, even, I've heard people use terms like "Mrs" or "Mommy" (not in a kinky way stfu it was regarding fat nuggets and his parents) to refer to Angel Dust, when we know he's not a woman. Again, I'm all for headcanons, but this is in situations where such headcanons aren't applied.

Still don't get it?

It reminds me a lot of the lesbians thing where people ask, "Who wears the pants in this relationship?" or "But who's the man/woman?" If you're watching Hazbin Hotel, I'm also guessing you are either (A,) really fucking queer, (especially if you're making huskerdust fanwork lol) or (B,) a big fucking ally. You should know that THAT IS NOT HOW IT WORKS, THAT IS NOT RIGHT!!! There is no "man" or "woman" of the relationship when it comes to queer love! The fandom has pushed heteronormative and sexist roles on a gay relationship. Whether that was the intention or not, it's what's become of it. I hate it. I hate seeing people make Angel some sort of housewife, unable to protect himself and in need of a savior, just because he presents femininely. No matter what gender he considers himself, Angel can present as feminine. It doesn't make him any less of the man that he is/considers himself.

In the end, it's some strange form of misogyny. The only reason people aren't calling it out is because Angel is just a femboy, he's not a woman.

Does that make sense?

[mischa-makowka]

I have a question and i am legit curious and not at all trying to be mean but please ignore me if i am! I just saw you art (beautiful btw) of nonbinary folks not owing you androgyni and yeah! You don't owe anyone anything just because of your gender but isn't like....looking androgynous the point? I understand leaning to more feminine or masculine presenting things and looks but overall isn't the point of nonbinary to not look like either? Again i am so sorry if I'm being insensitive and please fo ahead and cuss me out if you need to i don't mind, I'm just curious and my trans friends are all full mtf or ftm none of them identify as nonbinary

thank you for asking respectfully! nonbinary is not a synonym of androgynous, gender identity ≠ appearance, we shouldn't assume someone's gender based on what they look like. it's true that a lot of nonbinary people prefer to look androgynous but a lot of us still love expressing ourselves differently. same goes for everyone. there are feminine men and masculine women, the way they look doesn't define their gender.

i'm nonbinary and i mostly prefer to look androgynous but sometimes i want to wear makeup and more feminine clothes, it doesn't make me a woman though (literally the only thing that often stops me is that other people might misgender me).

also some trans people are not safe to express themselves the way they want or don't have the privilege to get gender affirming care, their identity is still valid.

[aromantic-diaries]

You recently made a post about your aromanticism being experienced like dysphoria, and your experience really rang with me. I hadn't considered that might be what I've been experiencing until you'd described it like that. Do you mind elaborating? How do you tell the difference between this and simple embarrassment, or a fear of intimacy? How did you know this dysphoria meant you were aro, and not that you just had to get over relationship anxiety?

Thank you for your words!

I think the main aspect of this is the feeling of being percieved as something you know you're not. It's true that for a long time I believed that my romance repulsion was simply a matter of self loathing, but the key difference between the two is that a fear of intimacy has to do with a feeling of anxiety towards a potential partner and it stems from either some sort of trauma or insecurity, whereas aromanticism is simply defined as very little to no romantic attraction. I used to think that I was put off by romance because of my own very real insecurities but the truth is, it was more about the fact that me being in any kind of romantic relationship feels fundamentally wrong and contradictory because it doesn't align with how I see myself, so it has to do with the fact that I don't have those feelings for anyone and pretending to do so feels like I'm not being true to myself

To draw another comparison with gender dysphoria, I'm someone who isn't openly trans but presents as masculine and has been that way since early adolescence. People around me tend to assume that the reason I don't dress or act feminine is because of a lack of confidence, or at least that's how I assume it is considering the comments along the lines of "but you're so pretty, you should be more feminine". The truth is that it's not a matter of low self esteem at all, I simply feel more like myself when presenting as masculine and my preference for wearing men's clothing and avoiding makeup is a feature, not a bug. Similarly to this, there's this assumption that someone who avoids romance must do so because they feel inadequate, but in the case of an aromantic person, it's not a self esteem issue but simply a lack of desire. I do feel the need to mention that gender dysphoria is not a requirement for being trans and romance repulsion is not a requirement for being aromantic, there are as many ways to be trans or aro as there are people

[barbthebuilder]

hey, it's alright if you cant answer this because i understand!

I'm having trouble with what my gender identity is, I'm afab, and i have always thought i was cis until early 2024. in jan i experimented with being genderfluid, as i realised how much i loved presenting masc and how it made me feel so much better being masc.

shortly after that, i had a weird feeling constantly while presenting masc or fem, where if i was fem i would just feel cis, but if i presented masc i would feel like i'm still cis but just dressing up. my solution to this was to choose a different name to the very feminine one i was assigned, so i chose charlie, which in my head is a very feminine name but also very masculine, based on the people ive seen with that name.

i decided on the lable nonbinary for a bit. (maybe 3 months or so) but when i was using just they/them pronouns i felt like i was missing out on the other genders i wanted to be, so i used they/he/she for a bit, which was fine.

i realised soon after that nobody was using he/him for me, so i dropped it because it felt like a waste and just used they/she, which made me extremely dysphoric, so i went back to they/them.

im currently using they/them, nonbinary, and dressing masc daily, (not wearing any makeup to avoid any dysphoria at all) BUT im also a lesbian. ive been a lesbian for about 2 years and im certain that i am, but can i be enby and lesbian ??? or any other lable and lesbian because thats another thing thats been making me feel weird about my gender

i know this is pretty confusing so if you dont know then i get it, no worries!! i hope you have a nice day :D

Yo, gender identity stuff can be pretty confusing so I don't balme you for feeling uncertian about all of this.

The experience of feeling like you basically fake being genderfluid is something I have dealt with in the early days too. You have identified as a woman for a very long time. It's natural that there is a part if you that rejects nonbinary thinking. You're just not used to thinking about yourself in other ways.

That too shall pass. Feeling like you're faking is temporary if you sureound yourself with good support system and reprogram binary thinking. That happened to me at least.

I can totally relate to feeling like you miss out on something while using they/them. I am personally fine with those pronouns but I much rather be called she or he.

Now, I want you to notice something. You expressed that the best set of pronouns for you that you experimented with was she/they/he. You stuck with those, however people did not use he/him for you. I said: "it felt like a waste". A waste of what? I wonder if there are other feelings involved here too. It just bugs me that you have changed such a big part of yourself beacuse of how everybody was treating you. Maybe the pronouns are not the problem here but how others use them on you.

You seem to be very uncomfortable with she/they and not fully yourself with they/them. Seems like the masculine part of you is a very important one. I don't think it would be true to yourself to reject or supress it.

I think the problem with realising what your gender identity is will be connected to your desire to conform. Don't ask yourself "will they accept me?" but "will I accept me?".

For example, you seem to be very strongly connected to your lesbian label but here you are asking complete stranger if you can use it. Are you a lesbian? If you want to, then yes. Don't try to be what others perceive you to be. Just. Be.

I'm not sure if this was helpful lol. Let me know if you want to! I'm always open to the chatter. Sending lots of love!! <33

[carg0-toad]

guys i'm so normal about fem fight club (lie) gah okay so i know there's a lot of talk about "ohh canon tyler kind of becomes more feminine throughout the story" and i think that maybe the opposite could go for fem!tyler because i mean, if she becomes more masculine presenting then it gives her a very specific sort of power?? like sort of taking back masculinity as a human being and twisting it to BE feminine... idk i just think it's silly anyways here are some other headcanons too

- fem!narrator is likely insecure about her body whether it's weight or the lack of sleep she gets, the amount of water she drinks, etc

- fem!narrator is also probably kind of detached from sex imo, doesn't like feeling controlled by a man in any respect but ESPECIALLY not in such an intimate scenario, but is also too repressed to try anything out with other women too...

- fem!narrator probably doesn't have the best relationship with her mother... maybe didn't get proper support or was told that she always needed to look a certain way in order to fit the societal perception of what a woman should be

- thinking about whether the impulsive buys that narrator makes would be makeup orientated or clothing related... or both?? (makeup expires whereas furniture doesn't... like you know what i mean? if make-up already has an expiration date i don't know if the whole "you tell yourself it's the last stick of makeup, the last brand of lashes" because things like that are constantly changing and they already wear out, whereas clothes have more durability and usually are intended to be worn a good amount of times... plus then you get the whole fast fashion statement too where clothes are only worn once or twice before they're never seen again) anyways come back to me on that one

- fem!tyler is just as raunchy as canon tyler... they are both some nasty goobers (period blood, snuff/gore films into family media, definitely still has that violent streak in her)

- a question that's been on my mind about fem!fightclub recently though is what drives the violence but i think the answer is as simple as women being fed up with the pressures placed on them to look and act a certain way and not be able to meet their ACTUAL needs, and hence the anger, the rage, the aggression and the frustration all seeps out in this sort of animalistic, totally impulsive environment that have a lot of women both enthralled and mortified by but ofc as time goes on it starts to become a bigger deal

- considering canon tyler wears button ups, leather jackets and all that, i think fem!tyler is much the same but the shirts are cropped higher and she also wears these cutie patootie short skirts

- fem!tyler wears those silly heart shaped sunglasses

- fem!tyler is for sure bisexual (narrator is too but she doesn't have that much interest in relationships or sex -- on the surface at least -- so she doesn't really pursue any of it) but has a louder preference of women

- fem!narrator has even more of a grudge against her boss in this

- thinking about how the bathtub conversation would have went and it's more of like "who would you fight?" "my mom." and then tyler goes "yeah, me too" UNLESS her boss is also actually a woman who is just so set on conforming and is basically a picture perfect porcelain model for what a CEO/manager should look like... idk!!!!

[the-sparkling-diamond-satine]

Why Wishverse Buffy Fuels my "Buffy Summers is nonbinary" head canon

I will write my entire Non-binary Buffy meta post someday but it's a lot and for now I've got people asking about my wishverse + gender thoughts so I went ahead and wrote this piece of it. Wishverse!Buffy raises a lot of questions about Buffy's gender identity and gender expression. Like, why is Our Buffy so insistent that's she's Definitely A Girl with a feminine gender presentation when Wishverse!Buffy Who Has No One To Impress And Doesn't Care How She's Perceived presents as butch or masculine or even transmasc?

And this change in presentation isn't just the result of Wishverse!Buffy having nothing in her life outside of slaying. We've also met another Slayer (Kendra) who has no friends, no family, no one to impress except her Watcher who only cares about her usefulness as a Slayer, who still presents as feminine? We also meet Faith who only really has Buffy in her life to care about for a lot of s3 but Faith + gender is a whole other post (and this is not that post haha so we're not going there today).

Wishverse!Buffy is the ONLY TIME in canon that we meet a Buffy who doesn't care at all about how people perceive her, and she drops a lot of her femininity. Since Kendra's Watcher didn't try to take her own femininity from her—I mean, the girl named her own stake because she has nothing to care about besides weapons but her Watcher buys her jewelry and makeup?—surely Wishverse!Buffy also had wardrobe options and she chose THIS. Also I can understand why Buffy's Cleveland Watcher insisted she lose the dresses and skirts and heels from her wardrobe, but Buffy did have athletic wear we saw her training in sometimes in the library, so why did Wishverse!Buffy go out and buy herself completely new clothes? And instead of shorts and sports bras and t-shirts she chose this??? She took the time to buy a cross but no chain for it! That looks like she tied it into jewelry herself. Just...look at her:

Also WHY in season 2 when Buffy meets Kendra for the first time does Buffy suddenly have the queerest outfit she's ever worn in her entire life and Kendra looks so gorgeous and feminine and put together? What were the costumers trying to say?? Buffy looks like a lesbian. Or I know non-binary and transmasc people who dress like that (myself included sometimes). Oversized shirts help so much with chest dysphoria and/or achieving a more masculine appearance I'm just saying.

Actually she kind of looks like Oz and that guy has the most trans guy style and energy ever???

I digress. Wishverse!Buffy is not Buffy simply choosing not to care about hair and makeup and fashion because she's depressed. Look at s5 and s6 Buffy. She is so depressed, so Not Okay, but there's one key difference between these two characters: unlike Wishverse!Buffy, canon Buffy cares SO DEEPLY about what others think of her. She even says as much to Spike:

BUFFY: I guess. Everyone...they all care. They all care so much, it...makes it all harder. SPIKE: I'm not sure I followed you around that bend, love. BUFFY: I don't know. I just, I feel like I'm spending all of my time trying to be okay, so they don't worry. It's exhausting. And then, I... SPIKE: And that makes 'em worry even more. (6x04 Flooded)

MY POINT IS the only time Buffy stops focusing so much on what others think about her and stops performing for others and simply allows herself to exist, she stops performing a lot of femininity and gender stuff as well. And I do think Buffy finds some enjoyment in being feminine and fashion, but how much of it is genuine enjoyment and how much is Buffy earnestly saying "I'm a normal girl and no one can say otherwise, look at how normal I am, I am the girliest girl who ever girled!!!!!" As in, Buffy's insistence that she's a girl isn't actually about wanting people to think she's a girl. It's about wanting people to think she's "normal," and that means them seeing her as a girl. When she actually isn't (a girl), because she's non-binary.

Also I KNOW that gender expression =/= gender identity, but since we are not Buffy and therefore cannot know what she thinks and how she would identify if given the education and label options, we can only look at what she says and how she dresses and acts. Buffy Summers is non-binary TO ME. And Wishverse!Buffy is a piece of why I think so. Meta post incoming one day when I write it all down.

[windwardstar]

So like the whole "they don't put any effort into presenting not-femme and are still femme presenting so I'm just going to treat them as a woman still and not take their identity seriously" has always just been an excuse to misgender people and dismiss the trans identities of people who don't perform gender to the person's standards.

And it's always couched in terms of "not bothering" to bind or dress masculinely or have long hair or continue to wear makeup and who "aren't able" to access hrt or surgeries or whatever. Because it gives the person plausible deniability to say "I'm not talking about those trans people who are really trans and just can't meet my new gender performing standards for legitimate reasons, I'm talking about those fake trans who just say they're trans but don't actually put in any effort"

And like. You have no way of knowing who is in the closet and unable to transition for safety, who is not able to access resources for medical transition, who is comfortable with their current appearance and has no desire to pursue surgeries or hrt or change anything about themselves as part of their transition. There is no way of knowing just from looking at someone whether or not they meet your criteria in order to take their identity seriously.

And also like. The further I get in my transition and the more things I'm able to access the more it's like... I've had top surgery. I'm on T. I've had short hair. I've dressed in men's clothes. And I've been gendered as female 100% of the time throughout everything. Because despite all that my face still reads as feminine and my voice despite dropping still reads as feminine. My hair is currently in a femme style. And I don't care to change those things because with all the other ways I've been able to transition I'm comfortable in my body and they don't cause me dysphoria. But they're enough to make me "present femme" in a way that doesn't make cis people pause before assuming I'm a woman, and any of the ways I have been able to masculinize my body get registered and then dismissed as things I've actively cultivated and instead get me read as transfemme by other trans people. Because apparently in order to not assumed to be a girl I have to remove every trace of anything feminine from my existence.

And then it's also like. The expectation of performing non-femininity of performing masculinity or degendering androgyny to the appropriate standards in order to have your identity respected is just like. If you're just existing in your body, just throwing on jeans and a t shirt and letting yourself exist as is, is like how is that presenting "femininely"??? just because you're afab and existing is not inherently "presenting feminine". And like when you couple that with not binding...which uh it can be choice but also like... binding is the active choice here where you have to get a binder and put on the binder and choose to use the binder. Again there's no way of looking at someone and being able to tell if they're not binding because they can't due to medical or financial or safety reasons or just due to personal choice. And so the idea that not binding is presenting as inherently feminine is just. Not binding is the default existence of the body and shouldn't be gendered as a presentation choice + nobody should be required to change anything about themselves in order to have their identity respected.

...anyway I have a bunch of thoughts about existing as a trans masc enby and being read as feminine and being misgendered. Hope some of the train of thought ramble vent rant made sense.

[zagreusm]

El cuerpo trans es celestial, no creen?

translation of the title: "Trans bodies are celestial, don't you think?"

Hesitated a lot on posting this one as I felt somewhat scared. Even though I was personally asked to share a piece regarding my experience with being a trans man some weeks ago and I delivered it... I still hesitated on posting it publicly in fear of people questioning "how much of a man" I am because of my own feelings regarding how I identify as and how I present myself publicly.

But hey, I'm allowed to feel proud of my body and my identity and I deserve to feel good about myself

This one is a very personal piece for me, while I was doing it I felt everything from happiness that I was asked for my art, I felt proud of displaying my own body and portraying it as a sacred/celestial thing, as well as showing my relationship with gender and how I also feel guilty of not portraying masculinity more and not making people "less uncomfortable" around me by going on T and getting top/bottom surgery when I personally do not need them.

"It would be easy, tho... Maybe I just need to commit more into looking masculine and passing as a cis dude... Am I just faking it?" Those are some of the thoughts I usually have when telling someone my pronouns and why I want them to call me Zag. Thats why the pink rope holding me to the moon gets thiner. "It would be so easy to just let myself go"

If you're someone who knows me, you know how much I love moon imagery and how it has always been an important symbol for me... but its also a symbol of femenine energy, thats why it is holding me tight.

The obsidian mirror on top is a reference to the deity Tezcatlipoca, and how his obsidian mirror is often a symbolism for reflecting oneself, so its fair that it sits on top showing what I feel about myself and the fear/joy I have.

I dont doubt I feel so much better when people call me a he, I rejoice when my friends introduce me as "Zag" and call me a dude, I hate being called a woman and I hate so much being percieved as one... which is "ironic" as how much I love to wear makeup and look femenine. I'm just a femenine man.

[prototypeluv]

yap session 01: gender and yt supremacy

Something's been plaguing my mind lately- the idea of my gender. What I'm perceived as- I know a lot of my peers just play me off as a 'woman'. Which in SOME ways, I agree with. For example: my experience growing up as a black fem will forever change my perspective. Black women are one of the most hated demographics, even without the queerness I associate myself with. The world is ridiculously antiblack, and it sounds insane, but I unfortunately don't see that mindset changing anytime soon.

A lot of the black genderqueer folk I meet are fem presenting like me. Whenever we get to why, it always comes to this: it's easier to navigate life as a hyperfeminine person in the black community. Blk women are already masculinized to a certain degree, our natural bodies being called provocative. The features of our faces are picked on because they don't adhere to a white standard. Black athletes in women's divisions often are forced into being drug tested because of endless accusations of performance enhancers. We're disrespected on the sole basis of being black and feminine, add queerness to the equation and it makes things ten times more difficult.

My features are soft, and my body is shapely- I cannot pull off the androgyny that I desire to attain. There's never black androgynous rep, just pale and predominantly white folks. It's ruined my self-image in some ways. I look in the mirror and curse the lips given to me by my mother. My high cheekbones and small face do nothing but feminize me. I can wear the most 'masculine' outfit (whatever that is) and still be seen as just a woman. The complexity of my gender isn't acknowledged due to my features. I turn to hyper-femininity because it gives me one extreme when I can't pull both. I do my makeup, wear skirts and crop tops, embrace the natural curves of my body...because it's all I can do.

I don't want to be seen as just a woman. Yes, I consider myself a black woman, but that's because my experiences are intertwined with my gender identity. The experience of growing up as a black woman carries with you. It's always in the back of my mind when I'm in public. I can't be too loud; I can't be upset, or I'll be a walking stereotype. My solidarity lies with black women, it forever will- especially considering that the faces of androgyny are nothing like me. Name a black genderqueer icon that doesn't have money- that doesn't have access to the fashion, makeup, and wigs that we working-class queer folk don't. You can't. All of our ideas surrounding androgyny are just combined aspects of a white supremacist beauty standard. A pretty face (slender nose, long eyelashes, sharp jaw, smaller lips) and a 'masculine' body (muscle, thin, tall, shorter torso and longer legs). Realistically I will never attain this form because I *can't*.

I want to be confusing; I want to be a pretty boy- handsome and gorgeous at the same time. I want to change outfits and be properly gendered despite what I wear. I want to fit that standard, as much as I hate admitting it.

[spacelazarwolf]

i keep seeing that post about how after you stopped wearing makeup and cut your hair you started being treated worse.

i have never worn makeup, cut my hair very short, have a bit of a mustache, and dress neutral/masc most of the time, and i still find that people are very friendly/nice. i live in a sorta-progressive area, but also... not really. we have legal protection from the state but locally the area is much more conservative. maga signs etc. and i am not white (hispanic).

so i guess my question is, do you think the way you were treated has more to do with the perceived loss of your femininity than just the fact that you started presenting more masc? like, if they hadn't already known the avishai with the makeup and long hair, do you think they'd've treated you better?

no, because i noticed it in interactions with strangers too. i don't know which of my posts this is referencing so i'm not sure if i mentioned it in the post, but it definitely had a lot to do with the fact that fat women (which i was being perceived as) are expected to perform hyperfemininity as a sort of apology for fatness. so when i stopped doing that, i stopped getting the shreds of respect i was getting before in exchange for that performance.

now that my body is being read a million different ways depending on the situation, it's always a crapshoot whether if i dress feminine people will first perceive me as a feminine man or trans woman (MaleTM not adhering to the assigned Gender Rules) or fat cis woman (FemaleTM who should be punished for fatness), or when i dress masculine or just wear a tshirt and shorts if people will perceive me as a fat guy (Gross and Bad) or a fat masculine woman (Gross and Bad and also not adhering to the assigned Gender Rules or making the Necessary Apologies for being fat). of course all this also depends on what they think when they see my kippah, especially if it's a bukharian kippah bc sometimes they'll decide actually they don't care if i'm a man or a woman or fat they just hate that i'm Ethnically Other. it's been a weird and stressful experience, and ngl these past few weeks i've avoided going out because of it.

[loemius]

Can you please tell us about drag? <3 Why did you get into it, what does it mean to you... Anything you'd like to talk about!

hi hi! thank you SO much for this question, i would ABSOLUTELY love to!! i've been into drag for... honestly my whole life. i've always been interested in makeup since i was a pre-teen and once i discovered drag makeup tutorials on youtube it was game over. i spent a ton of time in my teen years just practicing different makeup looks and playing with cosmetics. it's always been a huge interest of mine. it's a means of self expression for me. i'm transmasc and present more androgynous, leaning towards masculine, and i don't really like to wear makeup day to day (mostly because it's a lot of effort tbh). it gives me a chance to express my love of makeup and fashion, as well as my femininity, that i feel most comfortable doing in drag. performing in drag is a unique artform that you can't really get anywhere else imo. there's so many ways to approach it! you can do so much with it. it's this unique blend of music, dance, references, soundbites, fashion, theater, all in one package. it's self-expression, it's art, it's history! there's so much history behind drag, which is a really big passion of mine as well. i'm a huge nerd about lgbt+ history, pop culture, and art of all kinds, so it's just... a blend of everything i love. there's no wrong way to do drag, which is something i love about it. there's something for everyone in drag, if you're willing to get into it. i think a lot of people only thing of drag as queens, which is Not true. i personally am a queen, there's kings and people who prefer other terms like 'performer' or 'drag monster' too! it's not just people being glamorous in pretty rhinestoned gowns on stage or what you see on drag race, although it Can be. it's also horror, comedy, camp, so much more. i'm very lucky that my university has a drag house/club, and i'm very involved. i help plan the shows, promote them, and of course, i perform in them. i'm a pretty seasoned performer at this point, coming up on my third year of actually performing in drag, although i only got to do one show in my first year of performance. being up on stage is... an experience like no other. it's so much fun. it's indescribable. i've gotten to host shows and it's literally so magical to me. i'm deeply blessed to have the community that i do with so many drag siblings and even my own drag children! i really struggled to find my 'people' so to speak when i went to uni until i got into drag. i have so many friends now from it that it just... blows my mind. it means so much to me to get to share this art form that i love with others and help them experience it too. i'm deeply, deeply blessed. for anyone interested in drag, i highly suggest checking out local performers near you. get on social media (esp instagram if you've got it) and look for performers in your nearest city and see who they follow, who they perform with, and just follow them and support them. likes and comments mean a lot. if you're able to go to shows, i cannot suggest it enough. local drag is an experience like nothing else. it's honestly life changing to me, and i'm deeply blessed to have had this experience and pray i always get to be a drag performer. thank you so much for this ask, this was really awesome to talk about and i really appreciate the opportunity!!! gods bless you always with happiness, health, and love <3333 as a reminder my ask box is still open for more q&a's if anyone's got em!

[thecoolerliauditore]

I've only skimmed a lot of the posts so sorry if this point has been made but I wonder how peoples' perception of Masculinity vs Femininity as a spectrum affects their perception of characters and designs. Do some people view Masculinity and Feminity as complete opposites, with androgyny as the middle ground? Can you be masculine and feminine simultaneously, while not really being androgynous? Does the 'threshold' of androgyny change depending on how the cc/character is depicted in 'canon'? to be clear I don't necessarily think any of these viewpoints are 100% correct or whatever but I think it's interesting how people will have different perspectives, because most people's view of gender are skewed different and what might read as a fem design could read masculine to another or just entirely androgynous. sorry for the ramble this stuff fascinates me deeply

No yeah it is fascinating!! It's a. very complicated topic since of course the concepts of "masculinity" and "femininity" are very frivolous and amorphous, hence why I kept feeling the need to clarify how it gets. Weird with anime-inspired styles what with the culture shock and whatnot.

This song was really popular in fandoms awhile back and I think it's like. a great example of how one culture's completely neutral (or even masculine!) traits can be seen as feminine (or in this case, "gay") when viewed by another. It's also just really funny and I'm kinda sad no on has done a life series animatic to it yet.

masculinity and femininity as a scale with androgynous in the middle is also something I'm glad you bring up, because the concepts of masculinity and femininity are so arbitrary and as such there are so many ways to deviate from the norm -- some more socially acceptable than others! Thinking about, for example, the young MAGA hat'd women you see on sites like twitter with the most racist takes of all time and who are very proud of their ability to keep up with the boys in terms of 'murican masculinity (chugging beers, changing tires, so on and so forth) but at the same time cake their faces with makeup, support that Hashtag tradwife lifestyle and Would Not Ever Consider wearing clothes from the mens section because that is the Bad type of gender non-conformity for commies and lesbians or whatever.

Compare that to like. sorry incoming irl lore. the way I've had people in both more liberal and less woke areas get nervous when they try to address me, with the only big difference being that more younger, liberal people will typically either ask for my pronouns or they/them me by default.

I'm lucky enough that most people here are polite but as someone who has presented both masc/fem the way people treat me is so distinctly different based on my perceived gender as well as my level of androgyny it was kind of shocking to me. Eitherway there's a distinct attitude it's like. Rude to not be able to tell whether someone's a man or woman I've noticed and nowadays I have a lot of fun stressing people out. Sadism in me or whatever.

ANYWAY this was about minecraft youtubers. Analysing how people gender their designs, unconsciously or not, is fascinating because of how interpretative these designs are. There's also probably something you could say about how gaming youtuber is a very male-dominated space and how female gaming youtubers tend to overperform femininity, but in very different ways dependent on their intended audience (compare say. Lizzie and Pokimane for example.)

I think it's also worth noting that like. masculinity and femininity in behaviour is very different from physical presentation. which is how you get images like this

in addition to, again, these concepts already being abstract.

and of course, all said with me biting my tongue on the queer side of things still, because that's a whole other sub-sector of stereotypes and in-group signalling and history that runs convergent with mainstream views on gender.

I think it might be an interesting exercise to put your own designs up against others and consider what points they differ and what that might mean for how the other artist interprets the character vs how you do it. And then if you can look up what the artist actually has to say about the character and see just how right/wrong you were and how your own biases come into play. Two different people can have very similar views on a character, for example, but communicate that through opposite design tropes because they have different associations with said tropes. Not just for gender things btw and I've found peoples more nuanced opinions are harder to read than you'd think! I don't think anyone would look at my Bdubs design and guess that I thought he was fairly feminine in personality, for example.

I love doing that and challenging my own pre-conceptions of what i think peoples takes are judging by their designs (as well as what I think certain traits indicate in personality!). It's amazing for example how many pearl designs I've seen as too feminine and rolled my eyes at turn out to be drawn by artists who very much consider her to be tomboyish.

[quark-nova]

Do including t4t folks who date outside their gender include nblnb and nblm/nblw? Does it include people in these groups who are in an AMAB+AFAB relationship? IDK if this is tmi, I'm AMAB transneutral enby, my husband is a AFAB trans man. We've been together a decade , he's currently also pregnant: we're in the process of having a child. Whenever we bring up our relationship in t4t spaces, people either treat me like a cis man who doesn't belong in these spaces and as if our relationship is basically c4t MLM, or treat him as as a bi butch woman as opposed to a trans man especially when people found out he was pregnant and wasn't interested in his explicitly queer masculinity and transition making him identical to a cis man.

Plus, neither of us really pass due to how we present ourselves, I at most look like a flamboyant gay man, tall lanky hairy and bearded who plays around with makeup expression but doesn't gravitate towards feminine wear. He's gendered as a butch lesbian almost exclusively as opposed to a man, he doesn't bind which alone gets him misgendered, he wears masc clothing but a variety of factors in which he presents himself and even basic things such as how his voice sounds are enough for him to lose that association with manhood and gets him clocked. Do I need to be transfem and transition to look like a woman for our relationship to be seen as "t4t" enough? I'm not a trans woman or transfem and I'll never be, does that make me a cis invader incroaching on actual t4t people? Does he have to transition specifically in a way to fit cis centric standard of manhood, does he have to desire top and bottom surgery as opposed to "just" hormones in order to be seen as his actual gender in t4t spaces? Are t4t people not allowed to have children nautrally, does that makes us too close to cishets in their eyes for people's comfort?

We have mutual nblnb friends , same AMAB+AFAB, agender + multigender. Both of them present in ways that align with their AGAB, they're not men or women but their relationship in t4t spaces has been dismissed and treated as a "cishet relationship" constantly, with them being actively misgendered even in trans positive spaces. Are they just straight too, silly little cishets who want to hog up t4t resources from? Do t4t relationships only count as queer if they're binary/binary? If both people have the same gender? If people go through full medical transition? If they're both the same AGAB? What makes t4t inherently worthy in the eyes of people within the community, none of us are aware because we've all been actively excluded or dismissed for one reason or another, had our transness intrinsically erased due to not being the "expected" t4t couple.

The way people talk about t4t as this club which queerness is so narrow and if you fall out of what's expected for t4t you're basically straight? There are straight t4t people who are awesome and face their own isolation within queer spaces that I cannot speak on, so I won't. Having different AGABs or not being strictly MLM/WLW just feels like a quick way to get misgendered or to have your queerness and transness taken into question. It sucks. T4T is celebrated but only if you're a certian type of T4T.

Yes, both you and your friends should absolutely be included in T4T discussions! These are an extremely valuable experiences that you're bringing, and dismissing it as "c4t" or "cishet" is just misgendering. NB4NB relationships are not any less queer, and they're not "cishet lite" just for being of different AGABs - once more, it's reducing nonbinary people down to their AGAB, which is sad to see so often in queer/trans spaces.

I haven't been in T4T relationships myself so I can't comment on the isolation that some kinds of T4T relationships face, but it's absolutely true that some types get talked about more than others, creating unfair expectations for people whose relationships don't fit inside this norm. Which is sad, as subverting expectations of gender like you do is as queer as queer can be!

[our-genderfluid-experience]

crying because I don't pass as masc presenting I'm too thin and short (my tits are tiny THANKFULLY but even covering it up I still have a feminine figure and I hate it) and even when I literally try to dress the way I want I still get misgendered if only I could go on T for like. a partial transition but its hopeless that'll never happen even if I cut my hair no one would care

I just want to be a guy with long hair its not fair I hate this stupid body of mine

I'm sure your body is extremely handsome. I know lots of cis boys who are built like a stick. Some things you could do tho is wear baggier clothes and you could do makeup to give yourself a more masculine face shape

[still-a-morosexual-help]

You wrote "A big part of pulling free from expectations put on women is by breaking genderstereotypes, which leads to men being able to wear dresses, makeup, heels without being mocked for it because everyone should be able to present themselves in a way that makes them comfortable & happy." OK. But that's not attractive. I'd never fuck or be in relationship with a man who's not masculine. And people like you are erasing masculinity by promoting this mindset. I need traditional, masculine men in life. Because I'm a feminine woman. Men should be happy to be men, and live in their masculine energy. Men are mocked for being men in today's messed up society. That's why we need people like Jordan Peterson and other positive influences to lead them to the right path.

If you're attracted to masculine men, I'm gonna tell something that's very important. Listen up:

GOOD FOR YOU

I genuinely do not care.

Your preference and tastes are your business and like cool man. I'm not trying to dictate your life. Your life is your life. (Obviously as long as it isn't hurting others;) You deserve the freedom to be who you like, act how you like and well do who you like ;)

...get it.... ?

Understand that everyone should be extended the deceny and humanity to be who they want to be ? (Adding this again, because I know you're just the type of person who'd jump through hoops to twist this into saying I'm excusing like mass murder or whatever: as long as it isn't hurting others)

So once again;

Understand that everyone should be extended the deceny and humanity to be who they want to be ? Even men?

If a man wants to be "traditional" then sure cool good for him. If he wants to wear a cute little dress then sure cool good for him. It's not up to anyone else to dictate that choice. Definitely not you and me.

Girl if you like 'em traditional then go find a traditional man. Surprise, Surprise they still exist. They're not some endangered species or whatever you think is happening. I'm not out here hunting them for sport. Coming and complaining to me won't help. If you can't find a traditional man then I think that speaks about some problem from your end not mine :/

Okay but I love how I said that everyone should be able to be "comfortable and happy" in their own skin and you immediately followed that by "OK. But that's not attractive." !?!?!?!??! DUDE!?😂😂😂😂😂😂

Men (and anyone really) aren't just inanimate objects whose sole purpose for existence is to be attractive to you. They deserve to be comfortable and happy even if you don't find them attractive.

That's like someone saying they have a preference for I dunno blond men or whatever? And then believing every man in the world should dye their hair blond just so they'd appeal to that person.

....do you see how unhinged that is?

...how much of a dick move that is?

Maybe that's why you seem to be having trouble finding a traditional man🤔

Sorry! Sorry! That was below the belt. But I dunno a person's chances of getting a date usually shoot up when they're not blatantly an asshole. When they're not putting their partner's sex appeal to specifically them above said partner's happiness & comfort....

Here's my question, I'm an Obey Me! blog right?

How the fuck did you get here? "Traditional" men really are an extinct species in that game😭 did you get lost? are people putting hits out on my name? sending you in here? like genuinely how did you end up here?

Also side note, because I find it really interesting; the characteristics of "traditional men" and "traditional masculinity" has a tendency to change between culture & time. It doesn't really change the flow of our conversation because that's not really the point of it, but it's something interesting to read about if you wanted

Okay well, good luck I guess ❤️✌️

[cletus-kasadys-gay-boy]

Some real gender talk:

I know I'm a boy and I like boys. So I'm gay. But, I was born AFAB and yet I like being feminine still. I love being called "he" and "sir" and all the good masculine things. That still hurts though when I turn to smile and they "correct" themselves and say "she" or "ma'am."

I know clothing has no gender, I wear skirts and dresses and makeup still because I feel pretty in them. But that invalidates me to a lot of people I guess. I want top surgery, I want to start testosterone, and I love keeping my hair short. But, my ideal image I suppose is more androgynous than anything. But if people were to guess, it would be a boy. That is what I'd like and that's what I want out of everything. Love being a boy, but I don't feel like just a boy. Not a girl in any way, but extremely gender nonconforming vibes are also something I feel. I wanna be a boy, and just a human people find pretty at the same time.

Demiboy is my gender of course, but it feels weird. AFAB and identifying with a more masculine gender, yet I don't want to be fully masculine. I'm comfortable with my presentation and looks, my binders with crop tops and jeans feel the best to me with my favorite boots.

I feel like I'm expected to want to be more masculine, but if I was a cis guy feeling that way I feel I would be more understood with how I feel. But I'm not, and it confuses people that ultimately like to call me just a confused girl.

I'll do what people call feminine things, but I never want to be a girl. Practically anything but that.

Hard to understand a lot of things about me, and my gender is definitely one of them. But I'm happy with it, just want people to stop looking at me like I'm making things up or I'm someone they need to assign a box too. I'm not gonna fit in any box you assign me. But I know where I stand with it, and I'm very proud of myself for it.