#No I guess that's below the organ level. Also I think most people don't know what it is but that might make it funnier

[the-tmnt-ficfinder]

Ficfinder finds: So, I guess…we all have issues.

Chapter 1

Chapter 1 Summary: Mikey wasn't insane. He knew he wasn't. He really did have three brothers and a father, no matter what his paperwork said. Also, none of his family was human, and neither was he. That was the truth about him, no matter what anyone else thought. (Sticking by that truth got him thrown into an asylum. What a surprise.) **Winner of FIRST PLACE in the Universal TMNT Mature Fanfic Competition 2016 for MOST COMPELLING AU, and winner of SECOND PLACE for MOST SPOT ON PORTRAYAL OF MICHELANGELO.**

So, I guess…we all have issues Chapter 1: Appraisal and Ratings

(Don't know what fanfic "Appraisal and Ratings" means? Check out my explanation on my Main Masterpost! Looking for a different fanfic to read? Head on over to my Fanfic List Masterpost!)

Disclaimer: This fanfic is completed, and is part of an unfinished series. This fic has an ending that isn't a cliffhanger for anyone who was worried.

The fanfic ratings are not based on quality, favoritism, or how good I think it is, but rather, how intense a subject may be. Like a movie review, or the tags on Ao3, letting the readers know what to expect.

Plot: 💛💛💛💛💛

"Plot is is five out of five!! The plot, literally a sentence in, is massively intriguing!!! Its confusing, it's messy yet organized, it certainly caught my attention!!"

Suspense/Mystery: 💛💛💛💛💛

"Suspense/Mystery is five out of five!! The mystery in this chapter is excellent!! I wasn't even fully sure what was going on at first, then I began to piece it together as the chapter went on. The suspense is fairly high as well, though its more of a subtle underlying suspense rather than an edge of your seat stressful suspense, if that makes any sense."

Angst/Hurt: 💛💛🖤🖤🖤

"Angst/Hurt is two out of five!! For this chapter, the hurt lies in the situation that Mikey's in. Its a crappy situation, so you're gonna feel some sympathy."

Fluff/Comfort: 💛🖤🖤🖤🖤

"Fluff/Comfort is one out of five! They're isn't really any comfort or fluff that happens. Mikey's situation sucks, and not until the end will you feel some hope for him, and what may come his way."

Emotions Conveyed: 💛💛🖤🖤🖤

"Emotions Conveyed is two out of five!! This chapter really gives off a sense of confusion, and disappointment. Not disappointment in the fic, as the fic itself is wonderful, but disappointment in the world. The way people are portrayed is so bleak, that it actually make me feel a bit guilty. Superb writing skills, that's for sure!"

Drama/Tension Level: 💛💛🖤🖤🖤

"Drama/Tension Level is two out of five!! The tension is moderate, and so is the drama, just enough to compliment the suspense levels."

Triggers: 💛🖤🖤🖤🖤

"Triggers are one out of five!! While nothing remotely triggering happens, enough stressful mental health related things happen, that it could be triggering."

Legibility (Reading): 💛💛💛💛💛

"Legibility (Reading) is five out of five!! Incredibly enjoyable fanfic to read!! With how thoughts are mixed in with sentences, written in italics, it makes for a very wonderful reading experience!!"

Legibility (Audio): 💛💛💛💛💛

"Legibility (Audio) is five out of five! The way this fic is written, completely compliments an audio book!! It read well, and listens well to! Would recommend both versions!!"

Length: 💛💛💛🖤🖤

"Length is three out of five!! Chapter 1 of So, I guess…we all have issues is 34-35 minutes long to listen to!"

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Next Chapter ->

So, I guess…we all have issues: Story Ratings and Chapter List

Personal thoughts on chapter below cut (Contains Spoilers)

The start of this fanfic is so wildly different, and so so compelling!! I was incredibly confused at first.

In his defense, Mikey had known the guy was a first class dick to any foster kid who wasn’t white, so he still felt like the suited man had deserved to have his wallet, phone, and cigarettes stolen and sold off.

Its' interesting to see subjects such as discrimination in the foster care system and racism brought up. Its not a topic brought into fanfics very often due to its controversial nature. The fact that it was brought up, invited a sense of realism into the story. Discrimination isn't as bad as it used to be, however its still a part of everyday life.

(Staring at the building, Mikey’s head had flooded with memories and images of his real life; from before… whatever had happened to him. Him and his brothers, sometimes with their human friends, leaping over roof tops and just hanging around. On that specific water tower no less.

I love how the water tower is mentioned. When the story began, going off on a tangent about Mikey being in a foster care system, I assumed he would be further away from key areas that were shown in 2k12.

Mikey stood up, ignoring the withering glare the matron, who was called Sharol with an S H, and walked into the dimly lit room.

I appreciate the distinction lol. Name spelling is actually very important to me, the way a name is spelled changes how I'll remember it in my mind. Though I've never seen Sharol spelt this way before lol.

Fuckit. They’d probably force him to take a sanitizing shower tomorrow anyways. He could survive teeth sweaters for a night.

I have never heard it called teeth sweaters before, and I LOVE it!! That gross fuzzy feeling your teeth get when you haven't brushed them for a day, calling it teeth sweaters now.

Sharol slipped a CD into the disc player, and the dull voice of a priest began to drift out of the speakers. Mikey groaned under his breath, because he’d heard Sharol’s prayer and gospel CD’s before; they were legendary for not only being painfully boring, but making zero sense as well. She’d gotten them from the local church years ago, and had played them every chance she got. Mikey kinda really hated those CD’s. He had nothing against the religion, but just. No thanks.

Once again, I enjoy how authentic this makes the fic feel. Bringing up religion and having it be weaponized. Its just interesting to me; especially how Mikey doesn't have anything against the religion, but resents it all the same due to how its being used against him, as if listening to the CD's would make him better, weaponizing the religion.

He popped his headphones into the right size, and snapped them over his ears. Turning on his Walkman, Mikey drowned out the gospel with a bit of gospel of his own. With The Wombats, more specifically their CD, A Guide to Love, Loss & Desperation, blaring in his ears, Mikey felt marginally better.

Found the playlist on YouTube!! So this is a real band. They're an Indie band originating from Britain, and their album "A Guide to Loss, Loss & Desperation" was released in 2007. Gosh, I love it when authors put in real playlists, and musicians!!

Lethe, dark skinned, and definitely human, Mikey wouldn’t give the guy a second look on the street. Except… Navy blue eyes. A familiar voice. The solid feeling of knowing him. Leo, or the human version of him, stared at Mikey across the cafeteria. Dressed in the same white clothes as Mikey, which made his earth toned skin seem even darker, Leo sat in the middle of the normal morning chaos; looking drawn, somehow pale, and very much out of it.

To be honest, in the beginning of this fic, I couldn't tell if Mikey was actually insane, and everything was some messed up hallucination/dream till I saw Leo. Though even then I did have some doubts. I really wanted to believe that he was a reincarnation!!

[hellhound5925]

Cyare Verd *Beloved Warrior* Bad Batch Edition

Previous Chapter

Tipping Point

The guys help Shep and Phee organize the civilians for the time being and Hunter approaches us under the tree. He crouches down and puts a hand on Omega's cheek "You alright?" She shakes her head but I'm sure he can tell shes just trying to play it off. He looks up at me "We are going to stay and help the rebuild the lower levels. For now, we are going to get the people organized up here before we make a plan." I nod, "Let me know what I can do." He smiles "I think you're doing it." I glance down at both girls who seem to be settling down. We lock eyes "I can't believe you jumped over the wall." I shrug "I'd do anything to keep you all safe and I know you'd do the same for me." He puts a hand on my cheek "Just don't get yourself killed" his tone of voice is harsh like he wants to scold me but the look on his face is soft. Tech calls him over. Putting his forehead against mine for a moment he says "I'll be back." I nod knowing we probably won't be going anywhere anytime soon.

Omega picks her head up "You jumped over the wall?" I chuckle "It wasn't the big wall, just from Shep's place." Lyana looks at me shocked "Mandalorian's are crazy." I shrug "I wasn't about to let you two get stuck out there alone. I didn't really jump...I slid." Omega throws her arms around me "I know I can always count on you." I hug her back giving her a gentle squeeze. She lets go of me, stands up, and composes herself before speaking again "We should help them... I want to help them." A smile spreads across my face and Lyana pops up "I want to help too." "I guess that settles it then" Standing up I brush myself off "We'd better go join the others."

————

The plan we came up with - at least for now - was to get everyone whatever they could from their homes. We divided everyone into groups so that one of us could go with about 30 people at one time. With five groups of 30ish people...it took all day. For the most part everyone was able to get enough belongings to make themselves comfortable for the time being. Most of the women helped prepare a meal for the entire village while Omega, Lyana, and I helped grab supplies. At around dusk, I was finally able to sit down. I always prided myself on staying in shape but after going up and down the hundreds of steps all day long....my legs feel like jelly. Needing some space, I wander away from everyone and climb up onto the stone wall, dangling my feet over the edge. The ocean has finally calmed and the animals seem to be coming back out from wherever they were hiding. Looking down below, the image is sad compared to the beautiful one we had last night. The entirety of Lower Pabu is dark, the sight makes me sigh sadly. Echo would have enjoyed this view...I pull up my vambrace and punch in Echo's code. I get no answer but leave a message, "Havoc 4, this is Havoc 6. I hope everything is going well. We're all safe so please don't worry. I just wanted to let you know that we all miss you.....I also kept my promise to you...but I can tell you when we see each other again. Stay safe vod (Brother)."

I sit there alone for quite sometime, breathing in the ocean air. The sounds of boots approaching pulls my attention away from the ocean. Looking over my shoulder, I'm not surprised to see Hunter. He stops next me. "We just can't catch a break, can we?" He sighs "No, but what we did today...it saved everyone living here." I nod and look down between my feet "Maker I really am dini'la (insane)..." He hops up on the edge next to me and looks down. "Ni ceta (I'm sorry), I didn't mean to scare you earlier...I just couldn't imagine losing Omega out there...she sounded so scared..." "Gar shuk meh kyrayc (You're no use dead/said to encourage rest/not literal)" I quirk a brow at his statement "oh so that's all I am to you huh?" I tease. He sighs and shakes his head. Teasing him honestly gives me life, "What's the matter Sarge? Am I too much for you to handle" I wink at him before spinning around and hoping off the wall. I start to walk away but stop and look over my shoulder "If you can't sleep...you know where to find me." With that I head to my hut for the night.

————This is your warning now...it's going to get spicy. Minors look away————

Just as I'm about to head to bed there's a knock on my door. I smile to myself and bound over to the door. Flinging it open Hunter is standing there, I opt to continue to tease him "Something I can help you with Sarge?" There's a fire behind his eyes and without a word he comes in, shutting the door behind him. He stops only a few inches from me and looks me in the eye. "Do you know what it does to me when you call me that?" His voice is deep and lustful. I can't pull my eyes away from his lips, "What does it do to you...Sarge?" His breath hitches and something primal takes over. He slides his hands over my hips and lifts me off the ground. Wrapping my legs around his core, he kisses me with such passion - I know I'm the only female in the galaxy lucky enough to have this man's full attention.

He carries me to the bedroom, setting me on the bed before straddling me. He hesitates for a second like he's struggling for words, chest heaving, eyes roaming my face like he's waiting for me to protest. His pupils are blown wide - like his senses are working overtime - leaving honey brown halos around them. Knowing that I have this man such a mess in this moment makes me want to savor it. I bite my lip and run my fingers through his hair. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath like he's trying to calm himself. "Hunter..." I whisper and he opens his eyes again. Leaning up to meet him, I kiss his neck over his pulse point and I can feel his heart racing. He lets out a soft grunt. Trailing up to his ear I whisper "It's okay." Laying back down on the bed I reach down, grabbing the hem of my shirt and pulling it over my head. His eyes wander down stopping for a moment on my tattoo before traveling to the other side where theres a scar from our mining experience. Sliding one hand up from my hip, he runs a thumb over the scar and I flinch - only because the contact sends a current throughout my whole body. His eyes flick up to mine and his expression softens like he might have felt it. I slide my hands up under his shirt and pull it over his head - the wild look returning in his eyes. He peppers kisses from my cheek all he way down my neck, making his way to my chest, between my breasts, and down to my stomach. The action sends me over the edge and I grip he sheets balling them in my fists. He lifts his head with a mischievous smirk before sliding my pants and underwear off before he follows suit with his own. My hands roam his muscular body before he stops me and puts them above my head. "I think you've teased me enough" his deep, husky voice in my hear. Now he's got my full attention and I find myself begging or him. "I need you...fill me..." I practically command him. He quirks a brow "I thought I was the one who gave the orders?" "Please Sarge..." I plead. Hunter wastes no time following orders...

————

The light through the small window is what wakes me. I look over to my left see the tangled mess of sheets and him. He's sleeping so peacefully...I don't think I've ever seen him that peaceful... I run my fingers over the tattoo on his face. Without opening his eyes he hums his satisfaction with the contact. I roll myself on top of him and pepper kisses along his neck. He rolls me back over so now he's over me and I giggle. There's a knock on my door "Raven...It's Omega. Have you seen Hunter? He's not in his hut." He sighs and I bit my lip so I don't burst out in laugher. Taking a deep breath I answer "Just a second!" Hunter rolls off me on his back and I climb over him out of bed. "I'm going to shower quick and get my armor around. I'll meet you up there" I say from the door frame. He tosses an arm over his face and grunts.

After getting my full kit on I head to the top, buy'ce (Helmet) under one arm, practically skipping. "What's with you?" Tech asks without looking up from his datapad. "Nothing. I'm just ready to go" I shrug. He gives me a look. "Come one Tech like you really want to know..." "Raven you are like a sister to me...Enough said" he puts a hand up to stop me. Wrecker, Hunter, and Omega join us. "Alright so what's the plan?" Omega asks. "We could work our way up. The less damaged homes will take less time to fix, so it might be easier to end with them" I offer my opinion. "By my calculations, with everyone helping we should be able to repair the damage completely in 20-30 rotations." We all look to Hunter to give the final say. He nods "Alright. Let's get to work."

————

In 10 few short rotations we were able to get the first level of Pabu back to it's former glory - also with a few advancements thanks to Tech. Wrecker is out fishing on the dock to help replenish the food supply, while Hunter and I are helping unload some cargo. I heard back from Echo the other day and he said he needed help and would be stoping by. We were all very much looking forward to seeing him. "This friend of yours who's stopping by, he's another clone?" Shep asks Hunter. "Yeah, but don't worry. He's not with the Empire." "If you trust him, that's enough for me." Wrecker approaches with a large fish on his shoulder, "The new fishing dock's been rebuilt and moored. And I caught some dinner!" He laughs. I smile "You've been busy." "You got that right!" Lyana and a few of the others come up "Hey Wrecker. Can we get your help? We're fortifying the sea wall." Wrecker puts the fish down before bounding after them "Sure thing, boss"

Shep smiles "He's become an integral part of this community...you all have. Any chance you've reconsidered staying permanently?" Shep asks us. The question makes me sad...Hunter and I had many discussions over it and he just doesn't feel like we can stay here without putting what they have at risk. "For soldiers, putting down roots is an occupational hazard." He tells Shep. "Is that all you are? A soldier?" He asks gesturing at me and likely hinting about Omega. Hunter glances at me sadly. I sigh and step away from the conversation, sitting on a crate. I myself am torn because I understand where Hunter is coming from. Not only that, there is a galaxy out there that needs people like us...we kinda knew this was too good to be true but it was a nice break...Hunter and I spent many late nights and early mornings together...Omega and I have been working on her Mando'a and other Mandalorian traditions. She seems to really enjoy it and I'm happy to teach someone. She's also been working with Tech...on flying...The Marauder soars overhead and I smile to myself, imaging Tech white knuckling the copilot's chair. I offered to trade with him every so often but he insisted on being the one to teach her...I left it alone. The look on his face is still worth seeing...I comm them "How's it going up there Tech?" "Thanks to my excellent instruction, and ability to think clearly in stressful situations, She is indeed improving." He sounds stressed which causes me to burst into a fit of laugher, drawing the attention of Shep, Hunter, and the others around me. I watch as the Marauder comes back into view and is positioned in preparation for what Omega and I have dubbed "The Tech Turn" which is what he would describe as 'a sharp swing with a zero thruster pull' but The Tech Turn has a cooler ring to it.

My comm link goes off "Havoc-4 this is Havoc-5...do you copy?" I jump up with excitement and race to the landing pad. Both the Marauder and another ship have just landed and are dropping their ramps. Omega races out of the Marauder with Tech behind her and I see Echo emerge from the other ship. Echo laughs and looks around "You weren't kidding...this place is remote." Omega and I take turns hugging Echo. "I'm surprised you're not on Ord Mantell with Cid" he continues. I laugh nervously "Well...we've been—" Tech cuts me off "Reevaluating things. You mentioned needing some assistance with data decryption." Leave it to Tech to get right down to business... Echo hands him a data chip "This is what's left of the files I recovered from an Imperial shuttle. It was transporting clone prisoners, and we need to know where and why." This news makes me sad, "You all deserve so much better..." Echo gives me a sad smile and throws an arm over my shoulder. "On a better topic...tell me about Hunter..."

Making our way down to our huts I fill Echo in on everything that's been going on. He laughs at some of my stories and is over all happy to hear how things have gone in his absence. When we get to the huts, Hunter is there waiting. Echo shakes his hand and looks between him and I, "I hear you two have been busy." Hunter quirks a brow at me and I shrug. No I didn't tell Echo the dirty details....but he's not stupid... we get him something to eat while Tech gets is working on the decryption.

Hunter and Echo catch up, while Wrecker chases Omega and Lyanna around the tree on the landing pad. I stand next to Shep and we watch. Waiting for the opportune moment, I race the opposite way around the tree and scoop Omega up, tossing her over my shoulder. She lets out a loud squeal and I laugh.

————

Echo and I walk around the perimeter of the landing zone and catch up. "You all plan to stay here indefinitely?" He asks. I stop and watch as Raven races around the tree and scoops a squealing Omega up. I sigh "We...haven't decided yet but, to be honest....it might be the best thing for us." Echo follows my gaze, "You love her don't you." I don't say anything, just watch them for a moment. "Yeah...I suppose I do..." I finally admit sighing, before changing the subject "What about you? What have you been up to?" His facial expression changes to a more serious one "Rex and I have built up a small network of clones. Some are in hiding, underground. Others act as our contacts within the Empire." Now I'm starting to worry for his sake "Echo, you've seen the power you're up against. You can't defeat them." "It's not about that. It's about fighting for our brothers." I sigh again, "I understand why you're doing this but....when will it be enough?" My comm link beeps and I answer "Hunter, I decrypted the data. You need to get back to the ship."

————

Hunter and Echo came to grab us saying Tech had decrypted the files and wanted us back at the ship. Inside we all gather around to hear what he's found, "The Imperial transport Echo highjacked was assigned to the Advanced Science Division."Hunter crosses his arms "Never heard of it." "That is because it is a clandestine operation. There are no records on its location or its purpose. All I could find on it was the chief scientist in charge, Dr. Royce Hemlock. An officer expelled from the Republic science corps due to unorthodox experiments" Tech continues. My stomach drops and a wave of nausea hits me like a brick wall...Hunter gives me a funny look and places a hand on my back. "Why were they sending clone prisoners to him?" Omega asks sadly. Tech sighs "I don't know, but it gets worse. Previous transfer records recovered from the ships logs list other clone prisoners detained by the Advanced Science Division...and Crosshair is one of them." We are all shocked by this news "You mean Crosshair turned on the Empire? After he turned on you?" I ask. Hunter lets go of me and clenches his fists "How sure are you about this?" I've haven't seen him so deadly serious since the first time we met. My stomach is doing flips. "Very. After discovering his clone number on the transfer register, I checked and found a recent distress message sent from Crosshair's old code" Tech explains further. "What did it say?" Omega asks him. "Plan 88. The Seeker. We are being targeted. I believe he is warning us." Swallowing hard I speak up "Or...it's a trap..." I feel bad for even having the thought but based on what they've told me about him...it wouldn't be the first time. Hunter glances at me and I can tell by the solemn look on his face he was thinking the same thing. Wrecker grunts "We'll, how do we find out?"

Next Chapter

[aproposproposal]

So my first shift I asked to go home the same time as the teenager because I was just like "Alright, I've learned where most things are, that you store your CO2 canisters without securing them (which can kill/maim people if they fall/get knocked over and blast through a fucking wall), I've learned that NONE of you wash your fucking hands, this place is one determined organism away from a very mass norovirus getting shut down, got it. Aaaaand you're hazing me, cool. Don't touch my fucking STUFF your lockers are not LABELED fuck entirely off." I'm storing my shit in my car from now on except for anything I care about losing. I need a fucking apron.

I'm never eating their free meal. Ever. It was bad enough when we paid for it.

One of the head cooks shouted "WATCH OUT, NEW GIRL'S GOT A KNIFE" "To open the napkin box, jeez" like I don't know how to carry at/below waist level with blade facing backwards

And they all think I'm in my early 20s and I just give them an eyebrow raise and say "Guess again"

I wear a mask for allergies but also anonymity and not being asked 20 million times about my tattoo. The teen asked "How many tattoos do you have?" and I was like "Uh let's see, 10 on my eyes, one on my chin, there's this one, there's that one, there's the one on my back, there's the one on my ankle, so uh... 15 or so? I'm not sure anymore, Hello how many? Would you like a booth or table?"

And I'm one of the very few with a TAP card so I'm bussing the alcohol glasses back and forth CONSTANTLY for these little girls. We had three spills in one night and I'm just like "I don't know where anything IS but I'M HELPING"

It was bad enough at first but then I ran into my ex hookup and was like "I'm hiding from yellow room" "Why?" "You'll understand when you're older" AND THEY ENDED UP FOLLOWING ME HOME SO I HAD TO RALLY MY CAR AND SPEED TO LOSE THEM

[whimsicaldragonette]

ARC Review: You & Your Amazing Brain by Clive Gifford

Preorder

Add to Goodreads

Publication Date: June 6, 2023

Synopsis:

A fascinating book full of insights into how the brain controls your actions, reactions and emotions in ways you've never imagined.  Get to know the grey matter that's living in your head in this brilliant book, full of astounding facts and detailed illustrations , taking you on a complete tour of our own brains as well as brains throughout nature. You & Your Strange Brain includes an unusual mix of surprising science, history, natural world examples , cultural amusement and astonishing stories all focused on brains , intelligence and learning in humans and other animals. Discover why you can’t tickle yourself , why adults like foods they hated as children and how some sneaky creatures have the ability to take over the brains of other species. Learn about the mechanics of the mind , the parts of the brain, memory, language, creativity and the role of sleep. Other topics covered include how the brain allows you to think , guess and make assumptions as well as how it copes with  problem-solving, fear, stress, phobias and even optical illusions. This truly detailed book is the complete guide into the workings of the brain , perhaps the most intricate and powerful organ in the whole natural world!

My Rating: ★★★★★

*My Review below the cut.

My Review:

Kiddo (9) and I really enjoyed this book of facts and information about the brain. He says he would give most of it 5 stars except the drilling holes in people's heads part was gross and scary so he would give it a 4 overall. XD

There is a lot of information about what people have historically thought of the brain, contrasted with what we know now. There are diagrams of the brain showing each part and what they do. There are explanations of how the brain gets information and how it uses that information to make decisions and then how it affects the rest of the body in order to make those decisions happen. There is a lot of information about hormones and where they originate and what they do. Kiddo and I learned a lot. I have never encountered a better explanation of all the things the brain does, and I took high school- and college-level biology classes.

There were also a lot of 'try this' optical illusions and logic puzzles to solve and since we were reading it as a bedtime story those sections didn't work as well. We have gone back the next day to try some of them, however, and will try more. I just think they would have worked better (for us) sectioned off into a "try this" section instead of scattered throughout the chapters. (Even though I understand the logic of placing them in the section where the theory is talked about.)

My kiddo is 9 and loved it but he also loves science in general, so I would put the target age a bit older for most kids -- except for those who love science 8 or 9 is fine. I think having an adult reading along in that case helps to ease understanding because of the reading level of the text.

This would be a great addition to an upper elementary or middle school science classroom. The brain isn't covered too often in such classes and it's fascinating and useful to know about.

Kiddo has now asked to read it a second time less than a week later which says something about how interesting he finds it.

On our third (and fourth) read-through, I skipped a lot of the 'try this' puzzles because we'd already read them, and I actually found that I came away with a better impression of the book and the information it contained. I think the puzzles broke up the information just enough that it felt like less than is actually there. I have revised my previous thoughts because I don't think I gave this enough credit before.

*Thanks to NetGalley, Quarto, and Words & Pictures for providing an early copy for review.

[clone-whore-99]

Troublemaker

Chapter 2: Work, Armor and... Clones?

The Bad Batch x f!Reader

Warnings: I don't think there is any warnings in this? Not as much angst, more chill. Crosshair is being an annoying tease. LMK if I missed anything

Authors note: Who, me? Writing fanfiction instead of dealing with my real life issues? It's more likely than you think. This chapter was originally going to be way longer, but I decided to split it into two chapters instead. Also, thank you guys so much for the love I've received on the first chapter! It was so amazing, I never could've thought people were actually gonna be interested in this! So thank you guys so much!

If you like it, please do let me know by liking and commenting and maybe even reblogging, it would mean a lot to me 🥺👉👈

Chapter 1: Arriving at Kamino

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Chapter 3: Let it out

Chapter 4: You shouldn't have done that

Chapter 5: Talk about it

Chapter 6: The 20 Questions Game

Chapter 7: Crosshair

Chapter 8: Echoes of the Past

Chapter 9: The Fight

Chapter 10: A Nice Change of Air

Chapter 11: Sore Muscles

Chapter 12: Heavy Rain Weights the Mind

Chapter 13: Waste of Time

A loud noise woke you up. You had fallen asleep on the floor and now your body was punishing you for it, making every muscle ache as you slowly stood up. What time was it? How long had you been asleep?

Another loud noise, matched with flash of light. You looked out the window. To say it was pouring down would be an understatement. The rain was so heavy, you could barely see the sea right below you. But at least you quickly found the source of the noise and the lights. Surprise, surprise, it was thunder and lightning.

Realising you hadn't had anything to eat since you left Coruscant - not that a rations bar was much food in itself - you decided to head towards the kitchen. Even with the lights off, the hallways were still unsettling to walk through. They were so bare, so white, too much like a hospital and nothing at all like a home. How could anyone comfortably live like this?

"Hello, miss," Lazie greeted you, as you entered the kitchen. "Have you come for your meal?"

"Eh... Yea, I guess? How'd you know?"

"Living organisms need food in order to fuel their energy source. You have not eaten since leaving your home on Coruscant, meaning you have gone far too long with no fuel. I tried to bring you some food earlier, but you were asleep, another necessity for regaining energy."

You just blinked slowly at the small droid. You were definitely not awake enough for this conversation.

"Sooo.... Food?"

"Ah, yes, apologies for my ramblings. It will be ready in a minute, please do have patience."

The kitchen and the living room was actually just one big room. And for a room so big, it felt so empty. It had furniture alright, but they were clearly never used. You smirked to yourself. Seems like it was up to you, to give this furniture a reason for it's existence.

"Here is your food, miss. Please enjoy." Lazie said, carrying a tray of the most boring, bland-looking food you had ever seen. Was this what your dad always ate?

You thanked the droid and sat down at the small table, that was designated for eating. While eating, you stared out the big window that covered an entire wall, letting yourself get hypnotised by how the rain hit large glass.

It's not that it didn't rain on Coruscant. It did. But never this much, and the rain would rarely reach down to the level you lived in. You had pretty much only experienced the rain, when you were heading up to the higher levels for school. That was one of the only good things, having a parent working for the Republic. You actually managed to get a decent education out of it.

"Mornin' sweetcheeks!" Your dads voice pulled you away from your train of thoughts. "Finally getting some grub, huh? Is it good?" His voice was awfully chipper, considering it was barely 0400.

"it's.... Edible," You reply, turning to face him. Stars, he looked old. He had only been gone 3 years, but he looked at least 10 years older. How hard were they working him? "I'd much rather have some of your famous blue-milk pancakes."

"Maybe another time," he said, as he made himself a cup of caf. "You should probably hit the 'fresher and then put on the suit I left on your desk. You're coming to work with me."

"Work? I don't even know what you do, Dad." You stood up, walking over to get yourself some caf. Your dad quickly moved to stand in the way, giving you one of those annoying cheeky dad smiles.

"Well, then you're about to find out. You're not here for a vaction Y/N, you're here because you assaulted someone. Which is serious. Maybe getting some structure and work ethics would be good for you. Now, get going, we can't be late." Your dad grabbed your shoulder and lightly pushed you towards the refresher.

You wanted to interrupt him, reminding him that you hadn't done anything wrong, that the bastard deserved to get punched, but you didn't get the chance. Instead, you just walked towards the refresher, while yelling in the most annoyed-kid voice you could muster: "You're such a dad!"

"That's my job!" He cheerfully replied.

Your shower had been cut short. Just as the warm water was about to ease your tense muscles, your dad had pounded on the door, demanding you hurried up. And you had barely been able to put on the gray jumpsuit and black work boots your dad left on the desk, before he was pulling you out the door and towards his job. Which, he had still not told you what it was.

Dad was grumbling about being late, while he was walking fast steps, causing you to semi-run in order to keep up with him. You had suggested that he could just head to work without you, which he apparently did not find amusing. Old him would have.

"Ha! Told ya he'd show, you now owe me two credits!" A voice boomed through the hangar.

You stopped moving, as a man larger than life was heading towards you. Or, more precisely, towards your father. You had never seen a man so big - at least, a human man - and you were pretty sure he could just snap you half, if he wanted to.

"I never agreed to that bet, Wrecker! I was just stating -" the stranger from yesterday was following the giant, his index finger raised in protest.

Your stomach was pulling knots, as the memories from the previous day came flooding back with the stranger. He seemed to be friends with the giant, and you silently prayed that he wasn't mad about how you treated him. You were never one to shy away from a fight, but you definitely wouldn't be able to win one against him.

"See anything you like, Dollface?" the hot breathe hitting the shell of your ear, was contrasting the rather cold voice that spoke. It caused a shiver to run down your spine and land deep down in your stomach.

You squeeled out a yelp, as you instinctively reached up to cover your ear and spun around with a step back. That caused everybody's attention to land on you. Great.

The owner of the voice had leaned down to reach your ear, but now that you were facing him, he straightened back up. He was slim and tall and had this annoying smug smirk on his face, clearly amused over the reaction you gave him. At least he had been kind enough to tattoo a big mark around his right eye, giving you something to aim for when you hit him.

"Right, I should probably introduce you," your dad cut in, stopping you, before you even had the chance to raise your hand. He placed a hand around your shoulder and pulled into a somewhat sideways hug. "Guys, this is my daughter, Y/N. Y/N, this is Wrecker, Tech, Crosshair, and..." he had pointed at each guy as he announced them, but stopped in his tracks to look around. "Where's Hunter?"

"Still testing out the new filters you added to his helmet." Tech answered.

"Oh well, you'll meet him later." Your dad continued, giving you a small squeeze. "This is Clone Force 99, also known as The Bad Batch." "Clones!?" you could not hide the shock in your voice or the surprised look on your face. If you had seen one clone, you had seen them all, and these guys definitely did not look like any other clone.

"Surprised?" you managed to catch the yelp in your throat this time, as the hot breathe once again hit the shell of your ear. It had once again caused a shiver down your spine and for you to protectively cover your ear from the man named Crosshair. He just gave you another smug look and you just glared back at him. It was like he was begging for you to hit him.

"Yea, clones," your dad laughed. He started walking over to his workshop and you quickly followed suit, wanting to create some distance between you and Crosshair. "They're defective clones, with desirable mutations, which is why they come here a lot."

You scrunched your nose at his description. How could he ever describe another being as 'defective'? Like they were objects, rather than people. The dad you knew would never say such a thing.

"I make adjustments, upgrades and whatnots to the clone armor." He said, as he opened up the door to his workshop.

A wave of relieve came over you at the view. This felt more like home. The walls were still blinding white, but they were covered in artwork and family photos and pieces of armor that has been painted in all kinds of weird ways. It was clear your dad obviously spent most of his time here.

With a pat on your back, your dad brought your focus back to him. "You can help Wrecker. I worked with him last on that workstation," he pointed to a table with a holo projector connected to it. "So his blueprints should still be there."

"I still don't know how any of this works, though..." You reminded him.

"You'll figure it out." He was already starting up his own workstation. When he noticed you weren't moving, he gave you a stern look. "This is not a democracy, Y/N, it's a dictatorship. Now get going!"

"Yea, a dictatorship, alright.." You muttered under your breathe, as you walked towards the workstation. Your dad shot you a warning look, but you ignored it. He always used that phrase, when he didn't want to fight with you. It always annoyed you.

Wrecker jumped onto the worktable, which surprisingly didn't cave under his weight. He drummed his fingers against the side of the table, as he looked everywhere but at you. You kinda appreciated it, since you were struggling to figure out how to work the kaminoan technology.

"Soooo....." Wrecker dragged out, not even letting a minute pass in silence. "What's it like being a girl?"

You couldn't stop the laughter that erupted from that question. It was so genuine and so innocent. "I can honestly say, I don't think I've ever been asked that before. Well, how much time have you got?" You say, as you quickly catch your breathe again. You smile at him.

Wrecker smiles back and by the maker, it was the most genuine and sincere smiles you had gotten in a long time. It made you ease up a bit. Maybe being here wouldn't be so bad anyways?

You finally managed to turn on the projector and a blue holo of Wreckers armor lit up in front of you. So far so good.

"So, what's the issue?" You ask, studying the projection.

"Erm, it's my vibroblade. We tried attaching it to my wrist gauntlet, like we did Hunters, but it gets in the way of fighting." He said, as he took off the armor piece that was covering his left forearm.

You pick up the gauntlet to study it closer. Stars it was heavier than it looked. But you had to agree with just the looks of it - the blade was too big for it's placement to be convenient in any way.

"Yea, it's a bit.... A lot." You chuckle, at loss for a better word to describe it. "So, what should we do about it?" You looked hopeful at the clone.

Wrecker chuckled. "You're the one who's supposed to figure that out!" He gave you a friendly slap on the shoulder, definitely leaving a bruise in it's wake.

"Well....." You rubbed your arm nervously, both to soothe the spot he hit, and as a way to calm your nerves. You suddenly felt very exposed with how little you knew of this job. You looked at the gauntlet again, then back up at the blueprints. "How about you tell me about your fighting style?" you looked back at Wrecker, hoping he could spark some confidence in you. "That way, I might be able to figure out where it would be best to place the blade, without it interfering with your fighting style."

The giant man lit up like the streetlights on Coruscant. He was more than happy to tell you about his fighting style, which often got sidetracked with stories of different missions he and his brothers had gone on. It was fun to hear, even if it made your work take longer.

As the hours passed, Wrecker continued to tell you about how he would fight. And your dad only had to do his classic fake cough to get the two of you back on track with the job a couple of times.

In the meantime, your dad continued to work with Tech, trying to find a way for him to carry as much as possible on him, in as little packaging as possible. And although Wrecker managed to make you feel more relaxed than you had in a long time, there was still this unsettling feeling creeping up behind you.

Ever since you entered the workshop, Crosshair had kept his distance. He had found a wall on the opposite end of the shop to lean against. And he hadn't moved from that spot since. Nor had he taken his eyes off of you. You could feel them piercing through the back of your head, no matter how much you tried to ignore it. What even was his deal? Didn't he have anything better to do, than to chew on toothpicks and stare you down?

"Are we done yet?" Wrecker complained like a big child. "I'm hungry!"

"Almost. Just one more thing," You said, as you typed something into the keyboard. The hours spent with Wrecker wasn't completely used to listening to him, you had also managed to figure out how to use the workstation. "When you kneel, which knee do you usually go down on?"

"Erm..." Wrecker jumped off the table he was sitting on and knelt down a couple of times, just to be sure. "The left one. Why?"

You gave him a big smile. "Then, how about we place the blade on the side of your right calf? With the handle facing up towards your hand, of course. There, it shouldn't be getting in the way of your fighting, while you'd still have easy access to it. What do you think?"

"Oh, YEA, that sounds great! Who knew you were gonna be pretty and smart!?" He scooped you up in a big celebratory hug.

"You think I'm pretty?" you teased, once he loosened the hug enough for you to breathe again.

"Well, you know, I mean..." He bashfully rubbed the back of his head, suddenly appearing very shy. It was adorable. He then looked up at you again, with a glint in his eyes. "How about we get some food? I'm starving!"

You looked back at your dad with pleading eyes. He nodded in approval, and you smiled back at the friendly giant who were more than ready to show you the way to the cantine.

Dividers by: @firefly-graphics and @djarrex

Taglist: @rain-on-kamino @zoeykallus @thebadbatchscyare

[lemony-snickers]

what r ur opinions on the whole tumblr plus thing?

are you sure you want this, anon? like, i know you asked for it, but i don't think you really understood the extent of what my answer would be, lol.

i'm sorry. but if you want to read my opinion, i'll put it below the cut.

thanks for stopping by, anon. i hope you're having a great day! <3

tl;dr: i think it's a terrible fucking idea.

then again, i accidentally doxxed my maiden name just last night trying to send someone a ko-fi by not double-checking my paypal settings, so idk, maybe my dumb ass would be better off if i could just support my content creators through tumblr instead.

but. that (my dumbassedry) is a separate issue, so let's move on.

listen.

i get it, okay? some people put a lot of work into the content they put on tumblr. and i very much understand the impetus to want to be compensated for that work. and tumblr feeding into that desire makes total sense from the standpoint of both their business model and the feedback i'm sure they've received from some of their top content creators.

i also think paywalls flying across your dash will eventually spell the death of this platform as we know it.

i've been on tumblr on and off before, but never really committed to it like i did this time. and one of the things i genuinely like about tumblr is that i'm not constantly being shown "sponsored content" and that i can access the information and content i want pretty freely.

i've definitely seen other people espouse this as a good thing, too; that there is certainly a more even playing field for content creators here than on instagram or twitter.

pay walls are exclusionary by nature and therefore i fucking hate them. (lookin' at you, news organizations...) what happens when someone really wants to support you but can't afford it? what happens when people get angry that they can no longer see and enjoy the content they've become accustomed to? do we really want to make tumblr the sort of place where your economic status determines which blogs you can interact with?

because if we do, eventually those folks will leave the platform and tumblr will become increasingly insular until it's just an echo chamber for the highest level content creators to pat themselves on the back.

that is my opinion. maybe i'm wrong (i hope i am), but that seems to me the logical conclusion.

there's also the issue of fan content in general and what using paywalls to generate revenue could mean for our freedom to create fan fiction and art. as has been pointed out in many of the posts circulating about this feature, people like me are able to create the content we do because we do it for free.

there is a reason i feel queasy every time i see a writer offering to create fanfiction for a price. that kind of behavior can get you into trouble, and even a small cohort of folks doing that kind of thing can spell trouble for every fan creator out there.

there's a reason anne rice's works are super popular still, but there is 0 fan content available for them. i would hate to see fandoms i love like naruto or bnha be impacted because someone saw an opportunity when paywalls started going up around content that's based on other sources.

idk. maybe part of my issue is just that i don't like change. i don't want my experience here (which has overall been super positive) to suddenly change so that a few people at the top can make some money. (because let's face it, most of us could never hope to make a profit from this service.)

the thing is, tho, i don't really know what the solution is, either. because tumblr has to make money to survive. content creators are not wrong for wanting to be compensated for their work.

i guess my thought is just to keep reblogging and commissioning and using ko-fi (with the proper paypal settings, don't be an idiot like me my god) and hope that by making our content creators feel loved and appreciated we can stave off the slow and inevitable capitalist death of a platform that means a lot to so many people.

i'll get off my soapbox now. if you actually read this whole thing (MY GOODNESS WHY DID YOU DO THAT GO TAKE A NAP YOU POOR SOUL), then i'm sorry, lol.

mostly, tho, i look forward to seeing what y'all think about this service because i'll be honest, the reactions i've seen thus far have been overwhelmingly negative. maybe that's just the particular space i occupy, but i think it's going to be hard for tumblr to justify the service moving forward now that so many people have voiced their displeasure for it.

[highwaydiamonds]

So, now that I'm all gradjimatated from cardiac rehab - I took myself over to exercise in the regular portion of the health center ( it's a whole medical/exercise complexy thing. kinda weird but not worth going into) ... I didn't go over Monday but i probably should have but whatever- i didn't - because i had stayed up too late sunday and i kinda just felt like "bleh - monday. don't wanna - don't hafta so i'm not gonna." Which... Is fine. The only one losing out when I don't go is me. It also means I I have to accept that when I don't go I'm not progressing toward my goals. So whenn I decided I would go today (after therapy) it was from a place that wasn't one of obligation or petulance... More just one of, " ok, I'm gonna go and do it - take the opportunity." Doesn't mean I enjoyed doing it, just that I did go and do it and did it for a bit longer like I had wanted to during rehab. Felt like the machine I was on today was hard than the one I used in rehab but it's ok. Also used one of the resistance machines for core stuff and dude - I am WEAK lol. Two dudes way older than I am were using it at higher levels for more reps - had to laugh internally. Room for improvement there methinks.

There are lots of machines I am not familiar with. (Not to mention that there are floors above and below the main level, and the pools. ) I don't know the layouts or locations of stuff or how to use certain things. However, I don't like asking people for help... Asking people for help is hard. (Guess what is another thing we talked about in therapy today... did you guess "asking for help?" you did?! good job- you win an imaginary cookie!) I always struggle with asking for guidance or help because I feel like either I am supposed to know the answer to the question I need to ask or that people will judge me for being stupid along with the judgement i will probably already get about being fat. (cue my therapist asking me " do you think YOU moralize about your weight along with other people?" my reply you ask? It was along the lines of, " oh yeah. I think i do it to myself more than most people probably do to me otherwise... If I think about others logically I know they're likely not thinking about me much at all, but emotionally? My knee-jerk reaction is always that they will be thinking badly of me." So... Did I ask for help today? >.< No. I ALMOST did, but then chickened out. So instead i did my cardio on the stepper that i already knew how to use, and watched some other people use some of the resistance machines with easy sight lines from my machine and did a tiny bit of strength work on those ( just like 2 of them) for a few minutes before i did my ending stretches and that was the hour up. Plan is to go tomorrow and maaaaaaybe I ask someone then. Maybe being there in a different space won't feel as awkward, and I'll feel better about asking for some guidance.

Oh - lastly - sorry i've been quiet here- haven't really beefed up the queue again. I have lots of things to add to it from my likes - but you might be seeing a lot of blog repeats unless i take the time to really do some organizing :/ and honestly, i'm feeling a bit lazy. I'm feeling like i need to something creative but i don't have the space i would need to do messy crafts/art ( so art journaling is kind of out - boo) and right now i could knit but that's not what i really want... I want something that can be colorful and also get some feelings out... if i was any good at drawing/painting I'd do those, but i am so not. Not that I have to be good - I don't but I'm not sure how to express the feelings emotionally if i can't literally express the feelings visually/physically... That is if i can't draw or represent the feelings in color/form on the page does that do anything to help the emotional stew? I suppose the only way to find out is to do it? Hrmmmm - Idk.- we shall see I suppose.

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

1. I am an INTP 5w6 female and I want to know how to meet new people, it didn't bother me before but I had a boyfriend.of 1.5years and I now miss having someone in my life, don't remember exactly what I wrote but I thought I had made a good choice and was really hopeful about that relationship and I tried hard to make it work but I couldn't deal with his bs anymore, I did for a while cause I thought he was worth it, I've been trying to build deeper relationships but didn't care before so imbehnd

2. My ex wasn't extremely manipulative but he lied and hid things from me and got angry when I complained when his stories made no sense, I left We knew each other for so long and I couldn't deal with him not apologizing for his bs and blaming me for what he was doing, I just couldn't justify the relationship even if I still loved him This lead me to believe my strategy was wrong since I thought I knew him and that he was more mature than that, no matter how high the filter this could happen..

3. It's just so disappointing, you know? That people can be such assholes after managing to present themselves as the opposite of that for so long I've never really had close friendships except for my ex, and a few friends (I guess?) I didn't care much for this before since I'm alright on my own, but I found that I really liked having someone, so I'm trying to meet new people now that I'm more or less healing, but idk how to do it, acquaintances used to fall in my lap before but not anymore

4. I'm 23 yo, about to get my degree. I do have a crush on a classmate but when I try to picture us going out it feels awkward and weird since I don't know him very well, I need to know people well before considering dating... I'm just very lost and I feel kind of behind from everyone else since I'm super inexperienced (only that one bf, and it was long distance...) and idk how to correct that at this point. I've been dressing better so people treat me better (haven't noticed, makes sense tho)

5. People do seem to like me well enough but I guess everyone already has their group of friends and is too busy to invite me places often enough that I become part of the core group, but I'm getting there, a bit (I think) I've been going everywhere I've been invited with my classmates lately but they don't really bring anyone new, I've managed to be a step up from acquaintance with a girl friend, which is nice, with older friends the same thing happens, even if we come across their friends...

6. I've always had a hard time fitting in very well, romantically I'd love to have someone at a similar experience level because I feel like I missed out on being a crucial relationship for the other person, but my ex had several gfs before and I didn't care too much then but now I do because afterwards certain things made me feel bad, but I guess I could manage anyway.I also get paranoid when I read what other bs some people manage to do like marrying someone but loving their bestfriend instead

7. I apologize for making it so long but I thought it'd be necessary to give a bit of info on myself and my thoughts, my age, what I've been trying etc I just wanna meet good people at this point in my life and want some tips on how to do that without taking extremely long only for them to be assholes anyways... I think I've managed to make some more acquaintances but I've only clicked with two girls I talk to outside of the classroom when we're not hanging out, gonna focus on them rn-----------------------

(very long response ahead)

I know this is not what you asked nor is it necessarily going to be helpful or relevant but: I would strongly rethink your type. Ti-doms and 5s are both vanishingly unlikely to drop seven asks worth of highly personal and emotionally open information in the inboxes of total strangers.

With regards to the actual question, this is really not an MBTI question (more on this at the end) and not entirely something I’d consider myself an expert on. I very much hope I am not the only person you can go to on this because I personally wouldn’t want me to be my only source of advice on this. With those caveats, see below.

I think Tumblr (and to be fair some forms of media) portray friendships and relationships as an attraction at first sight/immediate connection.

This is fucking stupid.

Because I tie everything back to my personal soapbox causes: this is why I have such disdain for the anti-small talk crowd, or people who think they’re special because they crave a deep, below-the-surface human connection. Nearly everyone wants deep connection. It’s normal and healthy. It’s also an ongoing process that nearly always involves some period of time during which you and the other potential friend are awkward acquaintances who don’t entirely understand each other and have to talk about surface-level things. You can’t speedrun intimacy.

This is particularly true in adulthood. Children do make friends more quickly, but also children are weird and fickle and a friendship can be based on little more than sharing crayons (not to knock that, plenty of great friendships started that way) while adults have a much better sense of who they are and also typically a much more narrow definition of who they want as a friend and all kinds of emotional baggage to boot.

Essentially, if you want a friendship that matches the depth of a relationship of 1.5 years it’s probably going to take close to 1.5 years to get there, and from what you said you’d known each other even longer before the romantic relationship, so add that time too. Which might not be what you want to hear, but it’s important to manage the expectation. Basically all relationships (and by this I mean romantic or platonic) start out with little connection, and you become friends through building that connection, and you can’t really rush it.

I believe in “clicking” in the sense of there being an immediate mutual interest in getting to know each other better, but speaking practically, regardless of the initial chemistry you are still basically intrigued strangers at that point. All clicking does is provide additional motivation for that process of getting to know each other. And speaking from experience, deep friendships in the long term don’t always have an initial “click”. I’ve had relationships that were initially quite intense fade away, and others slowly grow from acquaintanceship into lasting intimate friendship even if we didn’t expect it on first meeting. The myth of clicking is confirmation bias - unless there was a serious fallout, you’ll probably forget the people who you thought you clicked with if it didn’t just work out, and conversely it’s not hard to look back through the lenses of memory and nostalgia and find a single moment when a friendship or love crystalized, even though the reality is that it was merely the tipping point after considerable energy had already been invested on both sides.

In terms of practical advice, finishing up a degree is a uniquely awkward time, especially if all your classmates are in the same boat, because there’s often a mentality of “we’re all going to leave soon, let’s stick with the friendships we have.” Others in your class may not have that motivation to make a close connection, and it sucks but it’s temporary. The good news is that the larger world doesn’t feel that way. It is a bit more difficult to make friends as an adult, just because you’re not spending time with people naturally the same way as you do in school, but meetups and clubs and social organizations all exist for this reason and are explicitly there for people who want to make friends. And again, it’s going to be a slow process. I respect that it’s frustrating having to start from what feels like square one, but it’s unavoidable.

As for dating, you don’t need to do apps if you don’t want to! But you’re right. It’s going to be comparatively inefficient. Particularly if you prefer to date people you already know socially, you’ll have to put in a lot of effort going to social things and building those acquaintanceships over time and you might need to ask someone out face to face. Inexperience is fine. Everyone has to start somewhere. The tradeoff is more that you can’t screen people as well if you’re on apps, and they can be kind of impersonal but you do get to interact with many people quickly on your own terms without having to go outside and with the luxury of being able to think up witty comebacks instead of having to chat in real time.

(I do want to counter the idea that people who use apps are any less deep or anything like that. Some people are comfortable with casual hookups and some aren’t, but many people use apps to set up a date first and see if they have enough of an interest to keep things going. As with all of the above, everything has to start somewhere and if you think of the app as a way to facilitate meeting people, rather than “I must make a romantic connection with this person tonight”, and steer towards dating vs. hookup apps/make it clear you’re looking for long-term relationships, you might have more luck. The point of the first date for most people isn’t to find a partner, though sometimes that happens; it’s to find someone you enjoy enough to go on a second date with and slowly get to know).

One final thought: all this advice applies universally but I actually think considering it in the context of MBTI is more harmful than helpful, or at best misleading. For example, you say that being a 5 you take too long to check if people are safe, which whether or not you actually are a 5 also has absolutely nothing to do with being a 5, and even if you are a 5 and this is a 5 thing, you’re aware of this behavior! You can stop doing that then! MBTI is not destiny!

Regardless of type, no one automatically knows what to say in every situation, no one can read minds, and no one has discovered the secret to always being liked and never being rejected. Type can convey talent or inclination but skill requires time. Extroverts are often better with people because they have to be - they aren’t as okay with just being alone, especially when younger, so they go out and deal with people and through that process learn to make friends. But they weren’t born with it. Sites that favor introverts and/or intuitives are terrible for a lot of reasons but I find they perpetuate the ideas I disagreed with above, that friendships for introverts and intuitives must always be with people who Click and Already Get It. This is wrong and it’s limiting. Obviously don’t pursue a friendship or relationship if you don’t like the person, but don’t write someone off just because you didn’t feel a magical spark right away. That’s not being deep and sensitive - that’s being closed off to new experiences. Anything worth doing involves real-world effort and some amount of risk, and usually it involves patience and time and awkwardness and uncertainty as well.

[hamliet]

So what are your thoughts on TGsubreddit? It's honestly becoming worse these days because of the influx of childish people, especially migrants from 4ch who purposely invade tumblr and reddit to shitpost apparently. People get defensive over silly arguments about Kaneki being in the right or Mutsuki being a female, just arbitrary things. You get downvoted to oblivion if you don't have a hivemind way of thinking and it's basically a circlejerk. They swear Mutsuki deserves to die there too, like??

Well, Reddit is gonna Reddit. Basically my opinion is that you can’t control what people say or think, but you can control whether or not you want to give their opinions weight (the “Mutsuki is irredeemable” opinions I don’t give any weight to; whether he is or isn’t redeemed–and I strongly believe he will be, he absolutely is redeemable) or whether or not you want to subject yourself to reading them. I usually don’t because after all, I’m human, and emotionally driven, so seeing cruelty towards characters can make me sad even if it logically shouldn’t, but sometimes I’m bored and go on. If other people enjoy the debates and discussion there, though, power to them, I’m not intending to criticize those people at all. To each their own.

For my salty feminist take on Reddit, which I basically think of as the onscreen id of the toxically masculine teenage boy, see below:

I find that the atmosphere of Reddit (which isn’t to say everyone on there is like this) is highly Fanboy centered, and they’re really unkind and dismissive of female opinions, and it’s prone to bullying and mods are more often than not participants in that rather than stopping it as they should. They also are populated by people who seem to be in stories for the entertainment factor, or specifically for the badass factor. Emotions? Yuck. Vulnerability? Why would you bring that up? Gray morality? Hell no, just badassery.

So suffice to say that the TG subreddit doesn’t seem that different to me than the Star Wars subreddit, the other subreddit I used to go on (never really participated though, I only lurked). The SW subreddit was full of REY IS A SKYWALKER/SOLO and KYLO IS IRREDEEMABLE after TFA and lol guess what the (primarily) female fans who studied stories were actually right about where the story was going (and, you know, actually paid attention to themes and statements in the film–Maz legitimately tells us Rey is not related to the Skywalkers in TFA but did anyone want to pay attention? Not on Reddit).

They don’t like Mutsuki because Mutsuki provokes conversations about things that threaten their “badass or useless” view of the world. I’m hyperbolizing here but yeah. Like, you can’t even use male pronouns for Mutsuki. You know I don’t believe Mutsuki is intended to be a transgender character, and yet I still use male pronouns to be respectful of Mutsuki’s wishes. It’s fine if others use feminine pronouns because he’s a fictional character, but there’s no room for nuance on Reddit, and there’s especially no room for discussions of what it actually means to be a man, gender roles, or different opinions. The fact that Mutsuki provokes discussion of toxic masculinity and it can’t be ignored with his character arc whereas it can be with Urie’s (well, not really, but they ignore it because he’s lucky enough to have a penis) AND discussion of sexual abuse AND mental illness AND he’s darker-skinned than most of the cast? Why would they want to like a character like that? Mutsuki’s uncomfortable for them.

Also, the way Reddit treats female characters–blech. It doesn’t shock me that they really want Femtoneki–they want badassery more than they want a thematically sensical story. And it’s fine there’s nothing wrong with that, but there is a lot wrong with the misogyny and sexism I see on there. Kaneki showing vulnerability and weakness? Nope. Mutsuki having a vagina? Die crazy b*tch die even though like who has he actually hurt? Basically himself and that’s it? I saw people literally arguing for fucking euthanasia of Mutsuki, comparing it to putting a dying cat down. Like that’s some next level ableism there. Saiko is stanned because she saved Urie, a badass (even though his badass facade is killing him) and because specifically she did it with boobs. The moment she gets an arc I expect them to unstan her faster than you can say Reddit. Touka is appreciated only because she gives Kaneki sex and not for her own character arc. I’m not sure if they think Touka has a character arc or if her role is just about what she can give Kaneki; she’s a flawless sex object to them who saved Kaneki with sex. Hsiao is a badass and sexy so she’s liked (I mean, I like Hsiao because of her badassery and sexiness lol, but it’s like a pattern on Reddit). Akira? She’s emotionally repressed and women can’t be like that so she’s clearly awful to them. Basically women are reduced down to their sexual organs and how traditionally feminine they are, to which I say: f*ck you Reddit.

And one more thing. Their lack of understanding how stories work means I seldom take the hive’s opinion as having merit. Some really good ideas do come from Reddit, and there are plenty of reasonable people on there, it’s just that collectively I want to rub my grubby feminist hands over every subreddit and horrify them all.

[says-the-thief-to-the-piper2]

CARGO CULT SCIENCE by Richard Feynman

Adapted from the Caltech commencement address given in 1974.

During the Middle Ages there were all kinds of crazy ideas, such as that a piece of rhinoceros horn would increase potency. Then a method was discovered for separating the ideas--which was to try one to see if it worked, and if it didn't work, to eliminate it. This method became organized, of course, into science. And it developed very well, so that we are now in the scientific age. It is such a scientific age, in fact that we have difficulty in understanding how witch doctors could ever have existed, when nothing that they proposed ever really worked--or very little of it did. But even today I meet lots of people who sooner or later get me into a conversation about UFOS, or astrology, or some form of mysticism, expanded consciousness, new types of awareness, ESP, and so forth. And I've concluded that it's not a scientific world. Most people believe so many wonderful things that I decided to investigate why they did. And what has been referred to as my curiosity for investigation has landed me in a difficulty where I found so much junk that I'm overwhelmed. First I started out by investigating various ideas of mysticism, and mystic experiences. I went into isolation tanks and got many hours of hallucinations, so I know something about that. Then I went to Esalen, which is a hotbed of this kind of thought (it's a wonderful place; you should go visit there). Then I became overwhelmed. I didn't realize how much there was. At Esalen there are some large baths fed by hot springs situated on a ledge about thirty feet above the ocean. One of my most pleasurable experiences has been to sit in one of those baths and watch the waves crashing onto the rocky shore below, to gaze into the clear blue sky above, and to study a beautiful nude as she quietly appears and settles into the bath with me. One time I sat down in a bath where there was a beautiful girl sitting with a guy who didn't seem to know her. Right away I began thinking, "Gee! How am I gonna get started talking to this beautiful nude babe?" I'm trying to figure out what to say, when the guy says to her, I'm, uh, studying massage. Could I practice on you?" "Sure," she says. They get out of the bath and she lies down on a massage table nearby. I think to myself, "What a nifty line! I can never think of anything like that!" He starts to rub her big toe. "I think I feel it, "he says. "I feel a kind of dent--is that the pituitary?" I blurt out, "You're a helluva long way from the pituitary, man!" They looked at me, horrified--I had blown my cover--and said, "It's reflexology!" I quickly closed my eyes and appeared to be meditating. That's just an example of the kind of things that overwhelm me. I also looked into extrasensory perception and PSI phenomena, and the latest craze there was Uri Geller, a man who is supposed to be able to bend keys by rubbing them with his finger. So I went to his hotel room, on his invitation, to see a demonstration of both mindreading and bending keys. He didn't do any mindreading that succeeded; nobody can read my mind, I guess. And my boy held a key and Geller rubbed it, and nothing happened. Then he told us it works better under water, and so you can picture all of us standing in the bathroom with the water turned on and the key under it, and him rubbing the key with his finger. Nothing happened. So I was unable to investigate that phenomenon. But then I began to think, what else is there that we believe? (And I thought then about the witch doctors, and how easy it would have been to cheek on them by noticing that nothing really worked.) So I found things that even more people believe, such as that we have some knowledge of how to educate. There are big schools of reading methods and mathematics methods, and so forth, but if you notice, you'll see the reading scores keep going down--or hardly going up in spite of the fact that we continually use these same people to improve the methods. There's a witch doctor remedy that doesn't work. It ought to be looked into; how do they know that their method should work? Another example is how to treat criminals. We obviously have made no progress--lots of theory, but no progress-- in decreasing the amount of crime by the method that we use to handle criminals. Yet these things are said to be scientific. We study them. And I think ordinary people with commonsense ideas are intimidated by this pseudoscience. A teacher who has some good idea of how to teach her children to read is forced by the school system to do it some other way--or is even fooled by the school system into thinking that her method is not necessarily a good one. Or a parent of bad boys, after disciplining them in one way or another, feels guilty for the rest of her life because she didn't do "the right thing," according to the experts. So we really ought to look into theories that don't work, and science that isn't science. I think the educational and psychological studies I mentioned are examples of what I would like to call cargo cult science. In the South Seas there is a cargo cult of people. During the war they saw airplanes land with lots of good materials, and they want the same thing to happen now. So they've arranged to imitate things like runways, to put fires along the sides of the runways, to make a wooden hut for a man to sit in, with two wooden pieces on his head like headphones and bars of bamboo sticking out like antennas--he's the controller--and they wait for the airplanes to land. They're doing everything right. The form is perfect. It looks exactly the way it looked before. But it doesn't work. No airplanes land. So I call these things cargo cult science, because they follow all the apparent precepts and forms of scientific investigation, but they're missing something essential, because the planes don't land. Now it behooves me, of course, to tell you what they're missing. But it would be just about as difficult to explain to the South Sea Islanders how they have to arrange things so that they get some wealth in their system. It is not something simple like telling them how to improve the shapes of the earphones. But there is one feature I notice that is generally missing in cargo cult science. That is the idea that we all hope you have learned in studying science in school--we never explicitly say what this is, but just hope that you catch on by all the examples of scientific investigation. It is interesting, therefore, to bring it out now and speak of it explicitly. It's a kind of scientific integrity, a principle of scientific thought that corresponds to a kind of utter honesty--a kind of leaning over backwards. For example, if you're doing an experiment, you should report everything that you think might make it invalid--not only what you think is right about it: other causes that could possibly explain your results; and things you thought of that you've eliminated by some other experiment, and how they worked--to make sure the other fellow can tell they have been eliminated. Details that could throw doubt on your interpretation must be given, if you know them. You must do the best you can--if you know anything at all wrong, or possibly wrong--to explain it. If you make a theory, for example, and advertise it, or put it out, then you must also put down all the facts that disagree with it, as well as those that agree with it. There is also a more subtle problem. When you have put a lot of ideas together to make an elaborate theory, you want to make sure, when explaining what it fits, that those things it fits are not just the things that gave you the idea for the theory; but that the finished theory makes something else come out right, in addition. In summary, the idea is to try to give all of the information to help others to judge the value of your contribution; not just the information that leads to judgment in one particular direction or another. The easiest way to explain this idea is to contrast it, for example, with advertising. Last night I heard that Wesson oil doesn't soak through food. Well, that's true. It's not dishonest; but the thing I'm talking about is not just a matter of not being dishonest, it's a matter of scientific integrity, which is another level. The fact that should be added to that advertising statement is that no oils soak through food, if operated at a certain temperature. If operated at another temperature, they all will-- including Wesson oil. So it's the implication which has been conveyed, not the fact, which is true, and the difference is what we have to deal with. We've learned from experience that the truth will come out. Other experimenters will repeat your experiment and find out whether you were wrong or right. Nature's phenomena will agree or they'll disagree with your theory. And, although you may gain some temporary fame and excitement, you will not gain a good reputation as a scientist if you haven't tried to be very careful in this kind of work. And it's this type of integrity, this kind of care not to fool yourself, that is missing to a large extent in much of the research in cargo cult science. A great deal of their difficulty is, of course, the difficulty of the subject and the inapplicability of the scientific method to the subject. Nevertheless it should be remarked that this is not the only difficulty. That's why the planes didn't land--but they don't land. We have learned a lot from experience about how to handle some of the ways we fool ourselves. One example: Millikan measured the charge on an electron by an experiment with falling oil drops, and got an answer which we now know not to be quite right. It's a little bit off, because he had the incorrect value for the viscosity of air. It's interesting to look at the history of measurements of the charge of the electron, after Millikan. If you plot them as a function of time, you find that one is a little bigger than Millikan's, and the next one's a little bit bigger than that, and the next one's a little bit bigger than that, until finally they settle down to a number which is higher. Why didn't they discover that the new number was higher right away? It's a thing that scientists are ashamed of--this history--because it's apparent that people did things like this: When they got a number that was too high above Millikan's, they thought something must be wrong--and they would look for and find a reason why something might be wrong. When they got a number closer to Millikan's value they didn't look so hard. And so they eliminated the numbers that were too far off, and did other things like that. We've learned those tricks nowadays, and now we don't have that kind of a disease. But this long history of learning how not to fool ourselves--of having utter scientific integrity--is, I'm sorry to say, something that we haven't specifically included in any particular course that I know of. We just hope you've caught on by osmosis. The first principle is that you must not fool yourself--and you are the easiest person to fool. So you have to be very careful about that. After you've not fooled yourself, it's easy not to fool other scientists. You just have to be honest in a conventional way after that. I would like to add something that's not essential to the science, but something I kind of believe, which is that you should not fool the layman when you're talking as a scientist. I am not trying to tell you what to do about cheating on your wife, or fooling your girlfriend, or something like that, when you're not trying to be a scientist, but just trying to be an ordinary human being. We'll leave those problems up to you and your rabbi. I'm talking about a specific, extra type of integrity that is not lying, but bending over backwards to show how you are maybe wrong, that you ought to have when acting as a scientist. And this is our responsibility as scientists, certainly to other scientists, and I think to laymen. For example, I was a little surprised when I was talking to a friend who was going to go on the radio. He does work on cosmology and astronomy, and he wondered how he would explain what the applications of this work were. "Well," I said, "there aren't any." He said, "Yes, but then we won't get support for more research of this kind." I think that's kind of dishonest. If you're representing yourself as a scientist, then you should explain to the layman what you're doing--and if they don't want to support you under those circumstances, then that's their decision. One example of the principle is this: If you've made up your mind to test a theory, or you want to explain some idea, you should always decide to publish it whichever way it comes out. If we only publish results of a certain kind, we can make the argument look good. We must publish both kinds of results. I say that's also important in giving certain types of government advice. Supposing a senator asked you for advice about whether drilling a hole should be done in his state; and you decide it would be better in some other state. If you don't publish such a result, it seems to me you're not giving scientific advice. You're being used. If your answer happens to come out in the direction the government or the politicians like, they can use it as an argument in their favor; if it comes out the other way, they don't publish it at all. That's not giving scientific advice. Other kinds of errors are more characteristic of poor science. When I was at Cornell, I often talked to the people in the psychology department. One of the students told me she wanted to do an experiment that went something like this--it had been found by others that under certain circumstances, X, rats did something, A. She was curious as to whether, if she changed the circumstances to Y, they would still do A. So her proposal was to do the experiment under circumstances Y and see if they still did A. I explained to her that it was necessary first to repeat in her laboratory the experiment of the other person--to do it under condition X to see if she could also get result A, and then change to Y and see if A changed. Then she would know that the real difference was the thing she thought she had under control. She was very delighted with this new idea, and went to her professor. And his reply was, no, you cannot do that, because the experiment has already been done and you would be wasting time. This was in about 1947 or so, and it seems to have been the general policy then to not try to repeat psychological experiments, but only to change the conditions and see what happens. Nowadays there's a certain danger of the same thing happening, even in the famous (?) field of physics. I was shocked to hear of an experiment done at the big accelerator at the National Accelerator Laboratory, where a person used deuterium. In order to compare his heavy hydrogen results to what might happen with light hydrogen" he had to use data from someone else's experiment on light hydrogen, which was done on different apparatus. When asked why, he said it was because he couldn't get time on the program (because there's so little time and it's such expensive apparatus) to do the experiment with light hydrogen on this apparatus because there wouldn't be any new result. And so the men in charge of programs at NAL are so anxious for new results, in order to get more money to keep the thing going for public relations purposes, they are destroying--possibly--the value of the experiments themselves, which is the whole purpose of the thing. It is often hard for the experimenters there to complete their work as their scientific integrity demands. All experiments in psychology are not of this type, however. For example, there have been many experiments running rats through all kinds of mazes, and so on--with little clear result. But in 1937 a man named Young did a very interesting one. He had a long corridor with doors all along one side where the rats came in, and doors along the other side where the food was. He wanted to see if he could train the rats to go in at the third door down from wherever he started them off. No. The rats went immediately to the door where the food had been the time before. The question was, how did the rats know, because the corridor was so beautifully built and so uniform, that this was the same door as before? Obviously there was something about the door that was different from the other doors. So he painted the doors very carefully, arranging the textures on the faces of the doors exactly the same. Still the rats could tell. Then he thought maybe the rats were smelling the food, so he used chemicals to change the smell after each run. Still the rats could tell. Then he realized the rats might be able to tell by seeing the lights and the arrangement in the laboratory like any commonsense person. So he covered the corridor, and still the rats could tell. He finally found that they could tell by the way the floor sounded when they ran over it. And he could only fix that by putting his corridor in sand. So he covered one after another of all possible clues and finally was able to fool the rats so that they had to learn to go in the third door. If he relaxed any of his conditions, the rats could tell. Now, from a scientific standpoint, that is an A-number-one experiment. That is the experiment that makes rat-running experiments sensible, because it uncovers the clues that the rat is really using--not what you think it's using. And that is the experiment that tells exactly what conditions you have to use in order to be careful and control everything in an experiment with rat-running. I looked into the subsequent history of this research. The next experiment, and the one after that, never referred to Mr. Young. They never used any of his criteria of putting the corridor on sand, or being very careful. They just went right on running rats in the same old way, and paid no attention to the great discoveries of Mr. Young, and his papers are not referred to, because he didn't discover anything about the rats. In fact, he discovered all the things you have to do to discover something about rats. But not paying attention to experiments like that is a characteristic of cargo cult science. Another example is the ESP experiments of Mr. Rhine, and other people. As various people have made criticisms--and they themselves have made criticisms of their own experiments--they improve the techniques so that the effects are smaller, and smaller, and smaller until they gradually disappear. All the parapsychologists are looking for some experiment that can be repeated--that you can do again and get the same effect--statistically, even. They run a million rats no, it's people this time they do a lot of things and get a certain statistical effect. Next time they try it they don't get it any more. And now you find a man saying that it is an irrelevant demand to expect a repeatable experiment. This is science? This man also speaks about a new institution, in a talk in which he was resigning as Director of the Institute of Parapsychology. And, in telling people what to do next, he says that one of the things they have to do is be sure they only train students who have shown their ability to get PSI results to an acceptable extent-- not to waste their time on those ambitious and interested students who get only chance results. It is very dangerous to have such a policy in teaching--to teach students only how to get certain results, rather than how to do an experiment with scientific integrity. So I have just one wish for you--the good luck to be somewhere where you are free to maintain the kind of integrity I have described, and where you do not feel forced by a need to maintain your position in the organization, or financial support, or so on, to lose your integrity. May you have that freedom.

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