#NOT safe for 'but aro and ace is basically just cishet' or 'no kink at pride'

[van-goghs-smoking-skull]

*sees posts about the blog being a safe space*

*sees bio*

*follows my blog*

*sees me saying queer is not a slur, let people call themselves queer, sees a reblog saying people need to stop gatekeeping the queer community, unfollows* *sends ask 'I thought you were an ally! Bigot!*

If you think I'm going to beg you to come back, decide queer IS a slur, and side with the proud exclus, you will be waiting until the end of eternity and still not get what you want. Begone

[seancebel0w]

heres my dni list 1.0 finally

**ill update this if i think of anything else to add, or if anyone else wants me to add anything**

do not interact with this blog (or any of my sideblogs) if:

you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist, anti-semetic, ableist, or are a generally hateful person

you are a radfem, terf, or swerf

you are a nazi (kind of goes w anti-semetic but whatever. no nazis allowed here)

you are conservative/right leaning

you support cringe culture

you glorify/romanticize mental illnesses, self harm, and/or eating disorders

you are aphobic/arophobic/an ace exclusionist (yes, even when it comes to “cishet” aces and/or aros)

you are biphobic and/or panphobic

you are a transmed/truscum

you have an nsfw/kink/fetish blog

you are a pedophile/map/nomap

you support/partake in ddlg or any similar variants of it

you are a gore/body horror blog

these are just the basic dnis but again, if anyone wants me to add anything, tell me and i will. i will also happily tag any triggering posts with “[...] tw”

i want this blog to be a safe, tolerant place for me and for anyone else who finds it, which is why i finally made this list after a billion years of Not Doing That lmao

[dilutedd]

@aphobehatingcharacteroftheday it won’t let me reblog the post you made, so here’s what i have to say.

i read your linked posts but realized things were mentioned again in your 1-7 thing so in the interest of time i’m just going to respond to that.

1. the “a is for asexual” movement was started by david jay, a homophobe. here is a post about that with sources and proof.

the helpfulness of “a is for ally” is debatable, but it exists so closteted people can participate in lgbt events. as far as straight people “using resources” here’s a post you might find interesting.

2. cishet aces cannot be queer. it also doesn’t matter if major lgbt organizations support aces being included, because what happens when they don’t do that is that people threaten their funding and they are forced to include aces for the sake of still being able to help lgbt people. (i can’t find the best post on this so here’s a post mentioning “#giveitback” which was part of the response to this + mention of the original event)

3. sexual harassment and not being accepted by your family doesn’t make you lgbt. it sucks, it really does, but that kind of thing can happen to anyone who is “different.” we aren’t going to let kinksters in because they were harassed and not accepted because of their kinks, are we?

4. this point i’ve talked about extensively and i’ve come to realize that many people misunderstand asexuality and the DSM so out of that comes fear mongering, “we are oppressed! See!” kind of attitudes. but let me explain what was actually in the DSM.

it was HSDD, and i have talked about this so many times that i can’t find the right words to re-explain so here’s the best post on the topic and here’s my tag where i collect resources about it.

basically, your therapist will make sure you know about asexuality before you are diagnosed with hsdd because they absolutely do not want to treat you for something you don’t have. also, hsdd has many criteria, including extreme discomfort with a lack of sexual arousal (not attraction).

the claim that asexuality was in the dsm not only ignores the actual facts, but also the fact that being gay was literally in the dsm for one reason: to label gay people as “sick” or as if their sexuality could be treated. the way asexuality is treated in the dsm (a caveat to a hsdd diagnosis, a real thing, something to teach about and keep in mind) is quite different from how “homosexuality” was treated by the dsm (an illness, something to cure, something that makes you a bad person).

5. yes, the lgbt community is about education, support, etc. but our resources (lgbt shelters, doctors, therapy groups) are lgbt specific and practically useless to non lgbt people! if cishet aces – the ones exclusionism is actually about – are infiltrating into those spaces, it’s taking up precious room and resources that lgbt people need and that cannot be used effectively (or usefully at all) by cishet aces/aros!

it’s not a community for everyone “different,” it’s for people oppressed under homophobia, transphobia, and the subsets of both. “aphobia” is not included.

6. lgbt aspecs of course are welcome. cishets actually can do a lot more than help our community, though. cishet people actively and violently oppress us, and they benefit from doing so. that’s how oppression dynamics work; in a broad sense, all cishets oppress all lgbt people, sexual attraction or no.

7. i honestly don’t mean this to sound rude, but i’m incredibly frustrated by the lack of awareness on inclusionists’ parts. ace people can be heteroromantic. which makes them hetero. which makes them straight. if you are any kind of het you experience straight privilege and a lack of sexual or romantic attraction does not let you opt out of that.

straight privilege comes from being hetero; from not being attracted to any same/similar genders. it is the privilege people get when they can hold their partner’s hand in the street and not worry about being the victim of a hate crime. it is the privilege of not being attacked or assaulted or feeling scared about being open with your partner. because straight people, no matter how mcuh sex they have or whether they want to have sex or whether they experience sexual attraction or not, always have privilege over lgbp people. always. it’s not a matter of who has sex or who’s a victim of microaggressions or anything, it’s about whether you are hetero or not. and if you are hetero, you have straight privilege.

perhaps there are varying amounts of straight privilege based on amount of sexual attraction, but that’s a discussion for another time and not something i want to get in to. point is, hetero people always have straight privilege and amount of sexual attraction cannot opt you out of that.

as for the posts you link, of course exclusionists can be shitty. people on both sides are terrible, i’m sure we can agree, and nothing excuses that. but the biggest issue i have is that no matter how many people on my side i call out or no-platform, the entire inclusionist side is based on the actions of david jay, a homophobe, and the entire inclusonist side blatantly ignores oppression dynamics for the sake of pushing people who oppress lgbt people as a whole into our spaces that are meant to keep us safe from those exact people. what i absolutely cannot handle is the amount of covert homophobia and transphobia behind inclusionist rhetoric. and maybe you guys don’t notice that, because a lot of you are lgbt and i don’t know why you would want to harm your own community like that.

[colorisbyshe]

@shaselma can’t figure out how to use a readmore, sooo

Basically, you went at me as if I was a “bigot” outsider criticizing aces rather than a bisexual agender grey-ace having an intracommunity discussion about how cishet aces are trying to pretend like they don’t oppress me. So, y’unno, you fucked up. It’s okay to admit you erased my aceness and fucked up.

Anyways,

Asexuality’s definition isn’t “being attracted to no one.” It is “not experiencing sexual attraction.” Cis straight aces are attracted to the “opposite” gender. Gay aces are attracted to the same/similar gender. Bisexual aces are attracted to multiple genders. Like?? Asexuality is not defined as “attracted to no genders.”

Cishet aces who force themselves into the community do in fact hurt LGBT people. Here is an extensive collection of stories (dozens, if not hundreds) about how cishets in LGBT spaces have made LGBT people feel unsafe. Threaten to bring guns to pride just days before Orlando. And have the power to out LGBT people who displease them. Like? I’m glad you have had great experiences with cishets but a LOT of us have not. And no one is saying they don’t deserve safe spaces, just that they need to create aro/ace safe spaces that can focus on tearing apart societal expectations of sex/romance (like the feminist movement does) instead of glomming into a movement that is largely about normalizing our sex and love.

Read more for length.

An asexual booth at pride takes up literal, actual space that could be used for other booths, including booths that supply condoms and other life saving resources. Booth space costs money, takes space, and require volunteers, all tangible resources the LGBT community si short on. Making aseuxal paraphernalia takes time (designing takes time and effort and emotional labor), physical labor, and money. Spreading awareness for asexuality takes time and effort and labor and money which AGAIN the LGBT community is short on and is better spending it on mental health resources, HRT treatment, HIV/AIDS treatment, etc. Like?? I would love to live in your world where we have infinite time/money/space/energy/materials but that’s not the world we live in. LGBT people are dying because we can’t get enough beds, get enough food, enough medicine, enough treatments.

And you know what? These resources are even MORE in danger because cishet aces have REPEATEDLY threatened to stop funding LGBT programs for saying the A is for Ally. Read about that here.

Straight society doesn’t tell cishet aces fucking shit about being broken or wrong. Like?? Straight society punishes sex and the “wrong” romance more than it ever punishes the lack of either. Cishets feeling sad and lonely isn’t the LGBT community fucking problem. I felt sad and broken and wrong because I was (and am) fat and people rarely ever hit on me. Does that make me LGBT? No. ARe sex repulsed people who aren’t ace LGBT? No. Can they still feel broken and wrong? Yes. Like?? Considering cishets can have low libidos, be sex repulsed, just choose to pursue other things besides sex/romance, and all that shit and feel bad for it... are they all LGBT now too? Or just the ace ones?

Are incels LGBT too? Where are your standards? What about aces and aros who fuck and date? And feel perfectly fine?? Are they not LGBT?

Non-LGBT aro/ace folk are never in the closet. Again, there are no legal, socioeconomic, or violent repercussions for non-LGBT aro/ace people to discuss their lack of attraction. Not telling something about yourself is not the same as being closeted. Closets are something we are forced into. I don’t tell people my kinks. I’m not kink-closeted. I just respect that no one needs to know or asked.

Again, straightness isn’t exclusionary of aces and I have met plenty of cishets who accept cishet aces as one of their own. I know straight poeple who have literally BALKED at the idea of cishet aces calling themselves non-straight. Like my original post said it’s litearlly because cishet aces frame themselves as non-straight that straight people get confused.

Anyways, as as non-bi person can you please shut the fuck about about bi oppression? Bisexuals are oppressed by homophobia, lesbians and gay men do not benefit from biphobia. Biphobia from lesbians/gay folk is called lateral aggression.  And like your “bisexuals make up the bulk of the LGBT community and receive less resources” bullshit misinformation has been THOROUGHLY debunked.

Cis LGBP people do benefit from trans oppression but trans folk chose to fight together with LGBP people because our oppression is often very similar and comes from the same places. Sylvia Rivera has spoken about this.

So, anyways, if you acknowledge that biphobia is a subset of homophobia and nonbinaryphobia is a subset of transphobia, that means we can neatly surmise that the LGBT community is SPECIFICALLY about combating homophobia and transphobia. Thanks. Do you know who oppresses the L, the G, the B, and the T? Cishets. Including cishet aces.

And you literally didn’t name a siNGLE fucking issue or historical event that wasn’t specifically about homophobia/transphobia, so, uh??, What the fuck??

Also cishet aces benefit from heteronormativity so like... no.