#NO MOTHER FUCKER BETTER GIVE YOU $20 OR I SWEAR TO GOD

[crystallizedday]

That “I warned you” in the tags fr reminds me of

i drew this while watching movies with my boyfriend i hope yall enjoy

[snowysosturn]

Speeding Car - Matt Sturniolo Part 3

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29

Pairing : y/n x Matt Sturniolo

Summary : After six years with your boyfriend Alex, you start to mentally check out. At a UCLA party, Alex reconnects with his childhood friend Emily, who proposes a double date with her boyfriend Matt. Your attraction to Matt grows as he pays you the first real attention you've had in years, sparking a complicated emotional journey.

Warning : MDNI, drinking, slight swearing, unhappy relationship

“Emily just messaged me” Alex said. Suddenly I was all ears. “She said Matt and his brothers are throwing a bit of a party in his place tonight if we’d like to come” A party. In Matt’s house. Matt. I hesitated for a moment before replying with an enthusiastic but a not so enthusiastic yes. It was another excuse to see Matt, and despite my better judgment, I couldn’t resist the pull.

I jumped off the sofa and rushed into our shared bedroom to get ready, making sure I looked better than I did last night. Alex replied to Emily to let her know we would make it there after 9pm and she sent over the address.

Alex drove to Matt’s house, making the decision early that he wasn’t drinking since football practice was starting back on Tuesday. It seemed the place was already buzzing with atmosphere when we got there, we could hear the laughter and music spilling out onto their neighbourhood. Matt’s house was a 3 story, modern build with large windows.

Emily greeted us at the door, a drink already in her hand. "Heyyyyy guys! Come in, come in!" She said, her hands motioning us to walk her way, her words slightly slurred. She wrapped me in a tight hug, then did the same to Alex.

We stepped inside and walked up the stairs. Matt appeared almost immediately, a welcoming smile on his face. "Glad you could make it," He said, his eyes lingering on mine for a fraction of a second longer than necessary. "I want you both to meet my brothers."

He led us through the crowd, introducing us to Nick and Chris. My disbelief when I noticed they all look the same. “He’s a triplet?!” I thought to myself. This made me even more intrigued by him. They stood next to eachother, with the same chiseled features and warm, engaging smiles. Yet, the more I spoke to them, it became clear that while they looked alike, their personalities were distinct. Chris was outgoing and carefree, the life of the party, while Nick was quieter, but god did he have rapid comebacks.

“Do you want me to put your jacket somewhere safe?” Nick asked me. “Uh, yeah sure that’d be great” I replied, giving him a soft smile. “Follow me” Nick gestures to me as we weave through the crowd of people.

We walked up another flight of stairs and and into a room that appears to be Nick’s “You can leave it here on my bedside locker, I would put it in my closet but the rails fell off a few months ago and I don’t want that mother fucker to do it again” Nick exclaims.

I gave him a slight laugh over his closet concerns and placed my jacket down. “Oh what brand is this?” I say picking up one of the several lip balms displayed next to me.

“Oh it’s my brand, Space Camp, you can take one if you like!” Nick gestures. I picked up a pineapple lip balm and put it in my purse. “Good choice, that one is actually Matt’s favourite.”

I felt flustered by the mention of his name, so flustered I couldn’t even get words out, the only response Nick got from me was a shocked nod. We left his room and walked back down the stairs to the main living area. I caught a glance of Matt sitting out on their balcony from the corner of my eye. I walk in his direction and push open the sliding door to step out to join him.

"Are you enjoying your night?" Matt asked as he looked back at me, his voice low as we stood out on the balcony connected to the living room, away from the main group of guests.

"It’s great," I replied, my heart beating faster in his presence, pulling out the chair next to him to sit down. "Your brothers seem really nice, you kept quiet about being a triplet."

"They are," he said, smiling. "We’re extremely close, though we each have our own lives. I think it’s important for us to be all treated like individuals and not as a buy 1 get 2 free type deal" We both laughed in unison at his joke. The sound of the balcony door opening cut the conversation short. “Babe do you want a drink?” asked Alex. Babe? When has he ever called me babe? “Uh yeah that would be great, thank you” I said with slight annoyance in my voice. Realistically, I should be thrilled that he’s even thinking of me right now. I just wish it hadn't been mid conversation with Matt. I tried to focus on him, on our relationship, but my mind kept drifting back to Matt, his kindness, his attention. It was intoxicating, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was on the edge of something I couldn’t control. I stood up and walked back into the party with Alex, leaving Matt alone.

As the party progressed, I noticed a change in Emily's behavior. She drank more and more, her demeanor shifting from affectionate to dismissive at an alarming rate. At one point, she staggered over to us, her face flushed. "Matt, why didn't you bring me another drink? I asked you agessss ago!"

Matt sighed, his patience wearing thin. "I was just about to, Emily. You need to slow down a bit."

"Don't tell me what to do!" she snapped, shoving his shoulder. "Just get me the damn drink."

I watched the exchange, a bit taken back. My heart aching for Matt. He forced a smile, his jaw tight. "Okay, I'll get it."

As he walked away, Emily turned to me, her expression softening slightly. "Men, right? Always sooooo slooooow."

I nodded, exhaling a forced laugh, unsure how to respond. The way she treated Matt was unsettling, a stark contrast to the kind, patient man I had come to admire. When Matt returned with her drink, she barely acknowledged him, turning her attention to a group of friends. I couldn't help but notice more of these small outbursts from that moment on. She snapped at Matt for the smallest things, her words cutting and cruel. He took it all with a resigned patience, but the strain was evident in his eyes. At one point, she spilled her drink on Matt and blamed him, causing a scene that left him visibly embarrassed.

Hours pass and the party was winding down and I could feel the exhaustion setting in. Guests were starting to leave, their laughter fading into the night as they said their goodbyes. I found Matt alone in the kitchen, staring into his drink. I approached cautiously, not wanting to intrude.

"Hey," I said softly. "You okay?"

He looked up, his expression weary. "Yeah, just.. tired, I guess."

"Emily's really drunk," I ventured. "She’s not herself tonight."

He looked at me, his eyes dark and stormy. "Yeah, it’s just... Emily, you know? She can be difficult sometimes."

I nodded, unsure of what to say. "She’s lucky to have you," I finally said. "You’re a really good guy."

"Thanks," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "That means a lot."

For a moment, we stood in silence, the noise of the party a distant hum. I wanted to reach out, to offer more than just words, but I knew the boundaries were still there.

Eventually, we rejoined the party, but the night had lost its luster. Emily continued to drink, her behavior growing more erratic. "I think we should go." Alex said, appearing beside me. He looked concerned, having witnessed Emily's outburst.

"Yeah, I think that's a good idea," I agreed, glancing at Matt one last time.

Alex walked down the stairs to the front door while I followed Nick upstairs to retrieve my jacket.

As I walked back down the stairs to the open living area, I couldn't help but overhear snippets of their conversation. Emily's voice was sharper now, her words laced with irritation.

"Matt, why are you being so boring tonight?" She slurred, swaying slightly. "You’re supposed to be having fun, not sulking in the corner."

"I’m not sulking, Emily. I'm just tired," Matt replied, his tone patient but strained. "And you’ve had a lot to drink. Maybe it’s time to call it a night."

"Don’t tell me what to do," Emily snapped, her eyes flashing with anger. "Just because you’re the host doesn’t mean you get to control everything."

Matt sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "I’m not trying to control you. I just don’t want you to embarrass yourself or get hurt."

Emily rolled her eyes dramatically. "Oh, please. You’re always so worried about appearances. Maybe if you loosened up a bit, people would actually enjoy being around you."

I hovered on the last step of the stairs, not wanting to intrude further. I caught eye contact with Emily, who started to walk toward me with her arms out, stumbling over her own two feet in the process. “Thank you sooooo much for coming” she slurred as she pulled me in for a big hug.

Matt walked me to the front door where Alex was waiting. "Sorry about tonight," he said quietly. "It’s not usually like this."

"Don't apologize," I said, lightly brushing off his arm. "You did nothing wrong."

He gave me a grateful half smile. "Thanks. Drive safe."

As Alex and I left the party, I glanced back at Matt one last time. Our eyes met, and in that brief moment, I felt a connection that was deeper and more profound than anything I had experienced in years. That half smile felt like it slowed down time. It made me wonder if he also felt the same.

a/n: next part you’ll get matts pov for the first time, i’m on holidays in America for the first time so the difference in time zones has me messed up. I’m hoping to get part 4 out in next few days, it is done it just needs a bit of tweaking <3

taglist : @muwapsturniolo @anitahunt @sturnfannn @jayde510 @chrissfavhoe @babyalliah-777 @v33angel @urmom69lol @willowrites @ribread03 @sleepyysavv @sturnsaver @sleepysturniolo @jcsturniolo11 @jessie-essie @immattsslut @mynbbys

[wonderlandleighleigh]

123 Thoughts while watching The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel Season 1, episode 3: Because You Left

I l1. God I forgot we start on this flashback.

2. Fuck Joel Maisel, being shitty about Midge’s drink choice. “Yikes. We’ll work on that.” WHAT A HORRIBLE THING TO SAY TO ANOTHER PERSON!

3. I have so many thoughts on that one line. That maybe Midge WAS, at one point in her life, just maybe a little sweet, if a little rebellious, and Joel decided he was going to turn her into what he wanted out of a woman.

4. What he thought he wanted out of a woman.

5. And it.

6. Fucking.

7. Backfired.

8. Shoulda married Palmer.

9. He’s so fucking pushy and I hate it.

10. “You belong to Me” is their song. HEY LOOK MORE TERRIBLE CONTROLLING THINGS. Not only is it a little creepy to be like “I don’t know you that well but this is our song now.” But the title alone “You belong To Me” is fucked up.

11. I swear, if they get back together in season 5, I will rip my television off the wall and eat it.

12. “You’re destined for better things than this.” JOEL YOU ARE NOT BETTER THINGS. BETTER THINGS IS NOT YOU.

13. (Better things is Lenny’s dick.)

14. (Sorry, children)

15. I love that Midge helps the other jailbirds with the stains on their shirt. It’s such an unsettling conversation but Midge still wants to help.

16 She’s a naturally helpful person, turns out.

17. LOL Susie talking to Rose and being totally freaked out, and I love it.  Truly. Barely anything scares Susie. But Rose. Rose flips her out. Love it.

18. Rose is a badass and I love it.

19. LENNY BAILED HER OUT LENNY BAILED HER OUT LENNY BAILED HER OUT!

20. “You’re not Susie.”

21. “Nope.”

22. These two idiots. I love them so much I’m gonna cry god dammit.

23. Wearing his jacket. He rushes to open the door for her.

24. Just fucking get married.

25. Susie is having a NIGHT. Between Rose and Lenny. She just. Can’t catch a break tonight.

26. They really did fail at making Lenny look...not hot. Luke Kirby is too handsome.

27. AND THEN HE INVITES HER TO HIS GIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGG.

28. Rose and her grapefruit. Gilmore Girls Richard vibes.

29. “When did Zelda get married?” lol foreshadowing maybe?

30. Oh Rose. Poor Rose. She’s being severe here, but she’s really worried about Midge. As much as she’s failed Midge in other ways (teaching her all of the toxic bod image bullshit forever), she really does try her best to be a good mother. And I think a lot of the time, she does succeed. 

31. TMMM Rose and Lenny scene challenge I WANT IT.

32. I’m not going to get anything on my season 5 bucket list, I’m gonna have to write an entirely alternate season 5.

33. Again.

34. Abe is so clueless in season one. And he cares but he’s so absent. And he pays for it in season 2.

35. Ethan and the staring.

36. Poor Ethan. His dad up and fucks off, his mother is acting like a fucking fruitcake and he’s like four. He has no idea what’s happening. Of course he’s being a weirdo, WE ALL WOULD BE.

37. I do love Imogene, but she is so normcore in season 1.

38. Midge is so short. Imogene is SO SHORT.

39. “I brought it along on our second date. He was surprised.” LOL WE HAVIN BABIES ARCHIE GET USED TO IT.

40. Abe for fuck’s sake.

41. I know Rose and Abe want Midge to be settled and secure. I know. But Joel is not it. He is not it, and at this point even Midge knows that. She loses sight of that a few times, but like. JOEL IS NOT IT.

42. Oh Midge. That is. Too fancy for Kessler’s office.

43. We need more Kessler. GIVE US MORE KESLLER. GIVE US KESSLER DEFENDING LENNY.

44. LOL Susie on Midge’s tits. Just. The best.

45. “If you had just dressed for the meeting.” I love him.

46. Zelda’s notes. “You to be quiet.” I love it. I should start doing that lol.

47. Seconal is a hell of a drug man.

48. And also Rose is so weak-willed in this first season. Like maybe she’s being manipulative here with Abe but. It’s not a good look.

49. Midge is so proper in these early episodes.

50. HORSE FUCKER. lol

51. Midge just. She cannot keep her mouth shut. She cannot do it. And you know what? I wouldn’t be able to either. “Little lady.” Fuck that shit.

52. Thank you?

53. This judge is fucking awful.

54. Here we go.

55. Midge. Midge.

56. Aaand arrested again. Girl. Oh girl.

57. Ugh having to go to Joel. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it.

58. You fucked someone else and left, Dude. She doesn’t fucking trust you enough to tell you. Get used to it.

59. Abe looks...unhappy. To be at Maisel and Roth.

60. The music in this show makes me so happy.

61. Eater Island face lol.

62. One criticism of Moishe I totally agree with is how horrible it was for him to take back the apartment. His grandchildren were growing up in that apartment. Their safety and security should have come first. Not that Midge didn’t have anywhere to take them, Abe and Rose’s place is perfectly fine, and they spend plenty of time in Queens, once the Maisels move, but still. Those kids didn’t desserve to be jerked around that way, no matter how Midge and Joel (mostly Joel) were acting.

63. I never realized even back in the 50′s/60′s you had to pay for temple seats on high holy days. Fuck I’m so glad I never bothered with synagogue as an adult. As if life isn’t expensive enough.

64. Abe’s “My suits are good” shrug makes me happy. I know Tony Shalhoub isn’t Jewish, and as much as I wish they would have found someone who was...he does a good job of playing Abe as a Jewish man.

65. Kevin Pollack is a treasure.

66. THE 13 JEWS.

67. I also love Abe’s tie. It’s nice.

68. “Follow-through has never been in strong suit.” For. Fucking. Real.

69. I mean he came through with the money. That’s. Something.

70. God fuck. Poor Midge eating so much crow. I hate that for her. “After all. I am a woman.” Giiiiirl.

71. Fuck this Judge I hope he steps in dog shit every day forever.

72. UUGUGHGHEUOIERJLEJRLKEJ FUCK

73. Blind leading the blind. “It’s gonna work.”

74. Aw hugs. Gals bein’ pals (or girlfriends.)

75. Look, I can multiship with the best of them.

76. Mrs. Mouskowitz. Love her so much.

77. His plan is moving in with the dumb asshole girl he’s dating.

78. YES THE VANGUARD.

79. Lindsay and the threeeew!

80. AND LENNY! The Jewish and Goyish bit is so good. Listen to the original it’s so good.

81. Instant potatoes: SCARY GOYISH.

82. BOB BYHRE!

83. I love Lenny so much and we didn’t get enough of him in this show. We deserved more Lenny. I deserved more Lenny.

84. The bro vibes between them here are so good. They were always friends first and I just love that.

85. LOL Midge can hang. I love it so much.

86. Lenny is so tickled to be with Midge when she gets high for the first time. It’s adorable.

87. DO WE DO AN ACTIVITY?!

88. I think @theycallme-thejackal once wrote a fic where that activiy was a blowjob.

89. @theycallme-thejackal is the best.

90. Midge doesn’t carry pictures of her kids. I don’t know that my mom ever did either. My dad did I think, in his wallet.

91. AN ACTIVITY.

92. These stoned idiots trying to keep up with Midge good luck.

93. Whoseit’s got a head...the other’s got a...head.

94. Lenny’s genuine laugh there is so good. And he’s laughing at a parenting joke, because he’s probably thinking about Kitty and feeling the EXACT same way. “Are you fucking kidding? I don’t know what I’m doing holy shit!” I love that so much.

95. They’re not gonna get married. But they fucking should. Their connection is so good.

96. And maybe that’s delusional. I just love them.

97. Dear Midge: Some of us are just not moms. Trust me.

98. I want her to find out that Lenny is so boring at home.

99. Are those pretzels??

100. I tried to find the gif of Lenny’s face when she comes over to nom those pretzels and failed. It’s so good though.

101. also the face Lenny gives her when she walks over to sit down? I have been on the receiving end of that face from other people. I know it well. It’s happened.

102.We’re supposed to see the Friar’s Club in season 5. I dunno how that’s gonna go, but. I guess we’ll see.

103. I love Harry Drake. I hope we get a little more of him in season 5.

104. “Just be gentle.” Oh Lenny.

105. INVITED TO THE AFTERHOURS. GO MIDGE.

106. “You need me to be understanding or something?”

107. He’s so nice to her. The real Kitty Bruce has talked about how incredibly sweet her father was, and I love that we see shades of that in the show. He’s got a ton of problems, but there is so much kindness there.

108. And it’s in complete contrast to what we see from Joel in just a minute.

109. He gives her a joint as a lil gift. For later. Shit isn’t cheap. Kindness.

110. “WAIT WAS I SUPPOSED TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU?!” Love it.

111. Good job, Midge. You did good.

112. This flashback was in such a strange place. It felt really disjointed the first time I saw it. But again, it’s an interesting contrast between Lenny doing some light emotional lifting for Midge (The cab, the sympathy over her busted marriage, the joint, the parting joke to make her laugh) and Joel (letting Midge take care of him as usual).

113. Midge rollin’ up in the middle of the night, still a little buzzed. To this asshole.

114. And she liiiieeeesssss yessssss. Lie to him. He doesn’t deserve to know you got high with Lenny Bruce.

115. I’ve said this before. His “I don’t care what you needed the money for” is such crap. You SHOULD care. If you care about her, WHY DON’T YOU CARE?! Is it because you trust her? Or because you only care about yourself? I can’t tell.

116. “I’m thinking of giving it another go.” No sorry. No nothing. Just expecting to be let back into her life. Fuck’s sake.

117. Oh Abe.

118. Good for Midge telling him no. Because he fucked up and he’s not even fucking sorry. HE IS NOT SORRY! And she knows it. And he left.

119. Look at this piece of shit run away. Just. Not even an argument. Not even trying to change her mind. Just shakes his head and walks off like that piece of garbage he truly is.

120. Maybe that’s harsh. But he didn’t even try. Because he’s not sorry. He just wants to live comfortably again. He doesn’t care that he hurt her.

121. HE DOES NOT CARE THAT HE HURT MIDGE. Anyone who actually cared would not act like this.

122. And Abe finally understands just how terribly hurt Midge is. Though I’m not sure if that look on his face is because he’s hurting for her, or because his ploy to get them back together failed. Maybe both.

123. I love this episode. It is an al-time favorite. It establishes Midge and Lenny as friends with a new, but solid bond. It has some great Susie moments, and a great Midge set. Great stuff with Abe and Rose and Abe and Moishe. It’s so solid. I think it might be my favorite season 1 episode. <3

[the-acid-pear]

I just can't get enough it seems, time to start the next Baki the Grappler book!

It seems that this one will take on the saga i saw on the anime (at least by the end) so that's exciting

Chapter 1

First off quality is SHIT lmao

Yesss i remember this. I still think that shit about everyone trembling is a lil... Mmmm bullshit.

Baki be like <:] but in a smug way

Look at Tokugawa my man

OH RIGHT HE LEFT THE TOURNAMENT WITH A CAST

This feels so random

Oh right the synchronicity shit

Baki is so -_- in this manga

Look at the old timer go

YEAH FR TOKUGAWA JUST BROUGHT EXPLOSIVES TO A SCHOOL FULL OF CHILDREN TO MAKE A SHITTY ANALOGY SHSHWKWGGE FREAK OLD MAN

Chapter 2

Ahegao

Epic grandpa

HO NICE

Mf really swam thru the Pacific ocean

Chapter 3

Huh i thought he was Scottish

This random guy was pretty interesting looking, the one executing Doyle

Fucked up shit how they still do this stuff

King, i can somehow still remember his voice in particular fsr

Also since no one reads this i will say it: Doyle does NOT look white ahagdbafhsdbc

I like that he didn't bother killing the doctor

Is that Strydum? ���👉👈

Chapter 4

Shagddjd i was going to say that, this dude could have easily taken a different path from violence

GAARN? MY MAN? MY BELOVED GARLAND? IS HE ALIVE STILL?!

FFS NOT FOR LONG HHH LOOK HOW THEY MASSACRED MY BOY...

I mean it's fair, Sirkosky uses weapons, but man, Garland... :'/

This all hits so different once you know the characters :]]]

Chapter 5

That pic is still so brutal

What an absolute troll shsshwgxgd

Also fun fact when i watched the anime i didn't pay much attention at first so I assumed the Russian was Spec (i didn't even know Sirkosky's name)

I love how that was unnecessary shagdhsr

ADAGDFAGAFAD this guy was also great

Spec was fucking insane man aggsggahsfg

I love he's full of tattoos

The absolutely king

OH RIGHT Spec is sus *laugh track*

Chapter 6

Oh hell yeah, grandpa's ex

Baki tf you doing there in the cover you madlad

...bottom storage.

THEY ARE SO MEAN LEAVE HIS SHORT ASS ALONE SHSGJSGS

He's my size btw

Was there a motive for him to be naked or was he just a freak btw?

I love the shape of his eyes ngl

I love how scared the guards are while he just calmly rambles

I don't wanna call yanagi my grandpa because i think yanagi can get it and it would be like calling him daddy but the Gilf™ is Dorian man life is so hard when you are me

I love Yanagi's face lol he's handsome

Chapter 7

Poor Baki lmao he just got better from the maximum tournament and now this

Lmao Baki has a point

Unnecessary, Doyle

Chapter 8

I love how they were recruiting dangerous mfs to beat up this random guy bc his vibes are fucked up

This guy looked a lot like jack

You gotta be brave to shove a knife that sharp into your pants

I love how Baki literally did nothing to em

Baki's face just looks wrong this isn't my beloved child

Imagine you are about to fight this mf and he just shoves his hand inside his pants

Chapter 9

This dude really looks like, fully japanese jack hanma

JWGWKEGWKSGE I LOVE HIM

I love how Spec just showed up dressed up as a fucking monk or something

Chapter 10

You guys know, Dorian reminds me of my now dead great grandfather, with the moustache look even more.

Not impressed, 15 yo Hanayama did the same when throwing a tantrum

He's so insane i luv him

Okay but look at the cut of that outfit look at how well it hugs his chest and waist but flows bellow... Spec my dude you could have been a mad good model 😐 he's even giving me gender envy! 🥺

I love how Baki used both his hands for the handshake

Chapter 11

Ho, speak of the devil, i was just talking of this fucker with Blood

Mf got so old

I like how there was no motive for him to be naked he literally is just Like That

Also it's from here that he got that wasp waist lmao

Mf just flexing at this point lmao

GRANDPA!! <3

Yanagi got cake

That's so unnecessary rude, obsessed. Also, as if you weren't old Yanagi. I see why they broke up now ;/

Chapter 12

11 and 12 are the same fsr

Chapter 13

I honestly wonder where these prisoners got their clothes, like, aside from Doyle that one time everyone else is never shown shopping or even owning money

Also i love the fact that on a daily basis i dress the same as Spec, that definitely says something bout me jagsjsgwhwfwg 😭

To be honest, considering the size of Spec's body, they should definitely feed him more

He didn't wash his hands 😢

Dick and balls too strong ajgshsgsg

I love how fucking, polite he is.

Oh i see, i thought he might have stolen a wallet or something but nah

Btw i genuinely don't remember shit JAGSKSGWJGS even if it watched the anime i forgot most of this

Chapter 14

GOD the way the anime butchered Katsumi, he's so handsome in the manga in comparison 😐

Also i like how they aren't explaining this like, Katsumi was the one who lost, did he wait until Retsu was okay to fight again in HIS ("") dojo?!

RETSU STOP DOING THESE SORT OF TRICKS THAT'S PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE AJDGSJSG

HE'S JUST BUILT DIFFERENT

Okay he actually explained, oddly nice of Retsu to accept tho

Hoho this scene hits different now that i know and like Katsumi

Also I'm not even gonna question where Doppo is, dude is never just around skdgksgd

Chapter 15

I love this genre of cover

WHITE BOY SJDGSJGSHS-

I love that retsu is just watching, he's still an asshole QJGSJSGWH

If i didn't know Katsumi I would say he died

I did actually think he had died when watching the anime

Retsu still has his thicc ass i see

Chapter 16

See all this makes sense now that i know retsu and the shit he has seen and been thru!

Angry lad, lucky his hair didn't burn

I DIDNT EVEN REALIZE HE EXTINGUISHED THE FIRE WITH HIS SCREAM

Chapter 17

Ahegao in the cover

I'm looking at the pages and I'm obsessed with Doppo being described as a "bold, badass karate master", it's so accurate <3

Also Igari being called eccentric, and the mention he defeated Mount Toba!! <3

Baki is slowly looking more like Baki

"my mother is dying"

Tasks keep failing successfully

Chapter 18

mAh boy...

That happens and it's the worst

Musashi you good boy 🥺

Chapter 19

Igari <33

That's insane

Chapter 20

I love that Igari looks legitimately worried and sad, not sweating tho

I love how he didn't have any serious damage until the punches like, okay.

Poor Igari tho

DID HE CHEW EM OFF OR SOMETHING? SHSHWGEGCH

Was anybody going to tell me is Sikorsky and not Sirkosky?

Also i love how legitimately scared Tokugawa is, probably more than when Yujiro picked him up

Chapter 21

The heights are so off in this saga

Oh my fucking god i didn't know Spec was 221

Either heights are all over the place or Yanagi is not 160

Either way HOW CAN YOU BE THAT SMALL? 🤣

GAFSFWEAD Tokugawa like "i own this place 😐"

Doyle is still the most decent one of the bunch

URSURSUTSUSTSRU

LOOK AT YANAGI DORIAN AND SIKORSKY ALREADY GETTING THEIR HANDS READY SBDGSHW

I googled how big Andreas from the tournament was and like, 2.40 😦

LET'S GOOOOO EVEN WITH A BEARD OMFG 😳😳😳

I see Hanayama descended into alcoholism after losing in the tournament. Also tf is with that bag? Was he hiking or something?

Jsgsjsgd Shibukawa is so excited too

I think this is chronically the first time Doppo appears with fully casual clothes, usually he either was in a suit or in his karate uniform

I'm straight up simping to the public now sgsjsgwhw

Chapter 22

LOOK AT THESE DUDES..... 💞

FUCK I WAS GONNA SAY THERE WERE MORE BAD THAN GOOD GUYS THEN LOOKED DOWN AND REALIZED THAT NO, SHIBUKAWA WAS JUST NEARLY OUT OF FRAME 😭

They all look so upset about that information

SIKORSKY NAME GOT SPELLED AS SILCOSKI...

Looking at them drives me insane i developed such a bond with all these fighters

I haven't seen Doppo this excited since last time his wife showed up

BAKI SWEARING?! 😰

How did Tokugawa grab Baki's shoulder?

ALSO WHY TF IS BAKI SO SURPRISED AS IF HE DIDNT GO AROUND BEATING UP PEOPLE WHEN HE WAS 13...

Don't worry Baki y'all will, Tokyo is not that big it seems

Shibukawa swearing 😨

"Imagine being mid but and Spec pulls up on you" "imagine having sex and she takes the mask and it's fucking Spec"

To be fair i would fuck a 2.21 muscular lady without going "hmmm this doesn't seem like a good idea..." in any moment

Chapter 23

I love how Dorian is just looking up

ACTUALLY ALL THEIR STANCES, Yanagi making dead eye contact with Gouki, Sikorsky with a firm pose just as Hanayama, Doyle with hiss chest up but eyes down giving a sense of pride, and, well, then there's Spec being Spec.

I like seeing Sikorsky having fun

I love Spec he played so smart SGSGSGS

😳 love wins!

Oh i had already forgotten about the dojo

Old man Dorian just has that effect on people

Threesome i see /j

He really was just fucking hiking i would love if they ever explained that ough 🥺

Did his facial hair just disappear?? STSGSFSD

BWHEKEGWJG THEY REALLY JUST FORGOT TO ADD IT FOR ONE PANEL IM OBSESSED

Such a good kick tho

The relationship these men can have is so oddly nice like not Doppo and Retsu specifically but all of the fighters in general. Like many of them barely know each other, but they all know their fighting styles and respect each other, plus have no reason to be in bad terms with one another and specially not now that they are all fighting for the same cause. It's just so nice to see em idk JAGSHS

Hey Igari.

Chapter 24

Thank God Doppo went <3 again it had been so long

Babe are you okay? You hadn't put a lil heart in your speech bubble for a while...

King really punched the fire

I will chose to believe that's true bc it's impressive 😍

You know it's funny like, Katsumi is mad good but he doesn't has as much experience as his dad and that leaves him in disvantage

Hehe i remember that guy

The manga is so much better than the anime ffs

I love that he didn't even realize

Chapter 25

Manga i don't think that's science

Also Baki just chilling with some doves lmao

I'm looking thru old messages see how my og reaction to this was

Huh i found nothing, that's odd. Well my reaction would have probably been like NOOOOO anyway so, y'all can imagine it

You left my dilf handless you fucking asshole good thing he has a wife

Imagine this dude cuts your hand and then just flexes his knowledge about science or whatever

HSSGGSFS THEY FIXED THE NO BEARD ERROR

Illiterate king <3

A guy did this to me once btw!!! Obviously in way smaller scale but he just touched something and the bleeding soon stopped!!!!

Honestly that's the most huge dick energy thing Doppo has ever done

Pfff I'm starting to remember why i liked Doppo so much 🥴

Bitches confused over him running away, tf was he supposed to do? He played it smart since there are no rules

Though yeah an eye and NOW a hand, insane

Chapter 26

Sjshhdhsn tanuki?

Oh, fox, he was calling him slick

Manga is pretty faster than the anime

Chapter 27

Where's your honor, Igari...

He is right sadly enough 😔

Oh i keep forgetting Igari's nature, he was probably trying to pull his silly little tricks again

This is just brutal honestly

Hehe this time i didn't get scared ☺️

I like that at least I'm not the only one who needs their mind off the gutter

Chapter 28

Love seeing em datin <3

He's so aggressive accidentally i love these dorks sm 😍🥺💞

SPEC FFS SJGDHWGW

Chapter 29

SPEC FOR FUCKS SAKE SJSVSJWGSH

Hanayama is such a real bro man

I LOVE THAT HE WAS JUST STALKING BAKI TOO BTW SJDGJDGDHSBDGDGS

To think i will still love hanayama but for entirely different reasons 😌

Chapter 30

Kaoru looks different but idk how

What the fuck is Spec even saying?

The fact that that makes no sense, i still love it a lot tho.

ALSO I ADORE HOW QUIET HANAYAMA IS WHEN FIGHTING

Okay Spec really has a point it really is beautiful

GOD I'M STARTING TO UNDERSTAND THESE CHARACTERS TOO MUCH I NEED HELP AJDGSJSGSHS 😭

But it's beautiful in the sense like, look how built he is! Look at all those scars!!! It IS beautiful it's a masterpiece!!!!!!!

"i choose to believe this is how hanayama always undresses" KSHSKDGSJ THE AMOUNT OF SUITS THIS MAN DESTROYS.. OBSESSED

Though yeah Hanayama in general is also beautiful isn't he?

Chapter 31

I would sob man look at him. Look at Shiba.

NO ONE RISKS HIS LIFE MORE THAN SHIBA YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE I STILL HOLD A LOT OF RESPECT FOR HIM!

A BENCH...

I really don't get why he's letting himself get hit, is he just flexing?

I cannot way to see him do his Technique ™

Chapter 32

Manga is so much superior to the anime, like, i haven't complained about Spec even once bc he isn't annoying anyone, in the anime he was so infuriating!!

I love when they just steal their standing poses sjsgjssgsh

That distortion effect so good

Chapter 33

I still think it's weird they used humans and not machines, though it was effective

I love how Spec managed to punch that statue without calling the attention of much people that's impressive

And i love that he keeps saying man he sounds like me with bro

Hanayama my beloved

Chapter 34

Yeah I'm not reading all that 😐

Oh this explains the holes in his clothes

[haikyuuwaifu]

Miss Independent

Genre: Crack, Humor, Drama, NSFW Content, Mild Angst

MASTERLIST

BONUS MASTERLIST

a/n: I know this isn’t how it goes in the show so pretend or imagine it went this way instead.

*Post-Daichi Break-up*

U19 TRAINING CAMP FUCKERY Pt. 1

“Y/N! Why does Tsukishima get to go to that camp at Shiratorizawa and I don’t!” Shoyo huffed, pouting and crossing his arms. “Bakageyama gets to go to that fancy camp, and I’m stuck here!” he pouted snuggling into Y/N’s side. Y/N turned toward Coach Ukai who merely shook his head. “You know how old man Washajio is.” he mumbled scratching the back of his neck. Y/N huffed a sigh as she turned toward Takeda-sensei her palm flat. “Let me talk to him, and I’ll sort this out.”  she murmured grabbing the phone he handed her and turning towards the gym exit. Since the break-up she had treated Daichi like he didn’t exist. She wouldn’t give up taking care of her crows just because he was a total dumbass.

20 minutes later found Y/N screaming into the phone at the old coach of Shiratorizawa. “I swear to god, if you don’t let him participate I will end your entire career you decrepit fuck!” she snarled into the receiver. “I don’t care if he’s short! Last time I checked, you were the shortest member on your team too old man!” she screamed stomping her foot. “Listen here mother fucker...you’re going to take Shoyo in and that’s final or I swear on all that is holy that Ushijima WILL NOT go pro... don’t fucking try me, he’ll do anything I say...That’s what I thought.” she huffed smirking at the phone in her hand. “And you better be nice to him, i’ll know if you aren’t and then you can say bye bye to the pride of Shiratorizawa.” she grinned before hanging up. Walking back into the gym Y/N gave Ukai a thumbs up and laughed when Shoyo launched himself at her. “You’re the best mama Y/N!” “I’d like to go to the U19 camp with Kageyama, I’m not to keen on sticking around here for the break.” she mumbled side eyeing the gym doors. Ukai nodded in agreeance before waving her off. “Go home for the day brat, you earned an early day off.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

A few days later found Y/N arriving in Tokyo with Kageyama latched to her side. They had made it to the U19 camp and he had been a little intimidated by the amount of people that had shown up. “I thought this was just supposed to be players.” he mumbled softly as she tugged him along with her. “Usually yes, but this year they wanted to see how well you could all work together against other teams; so the U19 players are going to be playing against Nekoma, Inarizaki, Fukurodani, and a few other top schools.” she mumbled making their way to the registration table. “Now, go get yourself checked in while I go talk to some of the coach-” “Kitty Cat!” Before Y/N could finish her sentence she found herself hauled off her feet and in the arms of the scheming Nekoma captain. “Hello assclown, put me down!” she screamed smacking his shoulders. “I’m just happy to see y-” “HEY! HEY! HEY!” Bokuto screeched pulling the two of them into an even bigger bear hug. The next hour consisted of Y/N being bear hugged or bothered by everyone she knew in the volleyball circles. In all honesty the girl just wanted a break. 

She managed to catch her break in the form of Sakusa Kiyoomi tugging her back and into one of the empty kitchens. She giggled softly as the taller man bent slighty to snuggle his larger frame into her soft small one. “You’ve only been here for a few hours Omi, it can’t be that bad.” she mumbled stroking his hair softly. “Says you, I’ve been dealing with Atsumu Miya for the last number of hours and his whole team is here. Kita-san is about to snap someone's neck.” he mumbled softly. “Don’t act like you haven’t been crushing on this Atsumu person for the last two years, it’s not nice to lie you know.” she laughed as he scrunched his nose in disgust. “Just because I find him nice looking doesn’t mean anything. Especially when he ruins it by opening his mouth.”  

As the two friends caught up, the lobby was filled with complete chaos in the form of Atsumu, Bokuto, and Kuroo attempting to do a three way chicken fight. Akaashi was trying his best to contain the situation, but he and Daishou couldn’t get their respective idiots to settle down. Poor Kita was ready to throw in the towel, when a door slammed shut. Y/N and Sakusa had moved back into the lobby, when she was greeted by the sight of three practically grown men standing in a circle attempting to play chicken. With a snarl on her face Y/N made her way towards the boys when Kuroo felt a cold shiver down his spine. Turning his head he screeched slightly attempting to hide behind Bokuto. Bokuto, turned and yelped at the sight of Y/N stomping her way towards them. Atsumu completely unaware raised his hands in victory; when he felt a hard slap to the back of his head. With a loud swear he turned to face his attacker when he found himself face down in the carpet. Kuroo and Bokuto scrambled to get away, but they couldn’t move fast enough. 

Y/N stood on top of a flat Atsumu and grabbed Kuroo and Bokuto by an ear each and hauled both tall men down to her height and snarled loudly. “What the fuck do the three of you think you’re doing, playing stupid games in the middle of the lobby! You should be settling in and getting ready for tomorrow not dicking around!” she yelled twisting their ears harshly. Underneath her Atsumu made to speak when she shoved her foot deeper into his cheek. “You’re new here Miya-san, but you’ll learn quickly that the coaches don’t run this place...I do, and if you don’t do what I say you’ll find yourself having a very miserable time.” she murmured grinning menacingly. “This goes for everyone here! If you don’t toe the fucking line, you’ll find your ass out of the fucking training camp.” she snarled releasing their ears and shoving them away. “Now get your fucking shit in your rooms and get washed up for dinner.” she barked finding satisfaction in the way everyone seemed to scatter. Turning around she came face to face with an awe struck Kita. 

“Are you an angel?” he asked, voice cracking at the sight of another person who knew the struggles of parenting an entire volleyball team of idiots. Y/N chuckled and opened her arms, “Come on Shinsuke-san, I think you need to be introduced to the PSG” she stated wrapping her arms around the shaking captain. “I have so much to learn” he mumbled listening as she explained the ins and outs of dealing with her problematic friends.

-During this time Osamu had just dumped Yumi, and Suna was with Yui. Kenma was being a fuckboy, but as previously stated; they all run in the same circles so its possible they’ve heard OF each other. They just don’t MEET each other :)

-Also don’t fuck with Y/N. 

@dabilove27 @amberisnotcrazy @elianetsantana @exosehun-94 @deaththekidwantsyou @sempiternal-amour @dinablossom @yafriendlyfangirl @mint-mai @amarillyis @sunflwrsandprettyskies @sunflowerirl @woohoney @taeyongsupremecy @bakuhoetoedoroki @iloveyouasmuchaspoohloveshoney @cosmicmermaid25 @cataxtrophic @wineandionysus @kit-kat428 @crybabbicus @ouijaeater15 @lia-faerie-queen

[m39]

History of the Creed - Part 1: Assassin’s Creed 2

So… I’ve decided to do a marathon of my favorite game series, Assassin’s Creed (minus [probably] the first one) because Valhalla (which I’ll not buy until one year after its release) and some part of me decided that I should review them.

But wait a minute… I hear one you saying. Don’t you have over 250 Doom WADs to check?

Well, yes. But then again we kind of like to pile on new idea after another to do when there’s an opportunity. There is still the Galaxia WAD in make for one of you who liked my WAD reviews but I believe that the AC reviews will take a lead for now.

Also the reason that I’m not reviewing Assassin’s Creed 1 is because now when I think about it, it doesn’t sound that good as it was.

You are having a PTSD attack over flags, Templars and “side missions”.

Okay, let’s talk about something else. What I’ve decided to do is to play these games in a semi-completionist style, in other words: if there are some side activities in missions, I am not expecting to replay them to get it all 100% because I would go nuts restarting the mission/control point every time I failed this one, specific side activity. But the rest as in: all collectibles, side missions and places to clear? I’ll do my best to do them all… Even Odyssey…

…

I’m fucked.

But enough of that. Let’s talk about the game that is proclaimed to be the best game in this series.

ASSASSIN’S CREED 2 (The original PC release in Europe: March 5, 2010)

PLOT

It is Italy in the early Renaissance times. You are Ezio Auditore da Firenze, a young lad from a family of nobles who’s head of the family, Giovanni, is an Assassin. One day you find it out when your father and brothers are imprisoned and the next day they end up executed so you swear revenge on those Templar MoFoes for what they did.

Ah, revenge, the good, old plot device that never gets boring when it’s done right. And by being done right I mean when it has a nicely written characters. And that character is Ezio. I mean, who doesn’t like him? This motherfucker oozes with charm and personality. And Roger Craig Smith only solidifies it. He even gets a good character development. Example: When Ezio kills the guy who betrayed his family, his next goal is to run away to Spain with his mother and sister. After living two years in his uncle Super Mario’s villa, training under his eye and reading about Assassins and Templars, while still wanting to escape Italy, he’s now having a doubts about this plan and not until the harsh talk with his uncle decides that he’ll help destroy the Spaniard’s band of goons and get a revenge on him.

The secondary characters are fine but that’s it. They are perfectly okay with few of them standing out like Leonardo da Vinci (seriously, your best friend is Leonardo. Fucking. Da Vinci.). The villains are also just okay. Some of them have a personality of a Saturday cartoon villain, some of them are more dimensional. Rodrigo Borgia however goes to the former group. I mean, I don’t find him terrible at all, it just I wish he were better. But props to Manuel Tadros for playing him. He did a very good.

Oh yeah there is also some stuff in the modern times. It’s not bad but it basically exists only to move the plot forward and give us a reason why you can see the stuff from the past. But hey, the Desmond Saga is still better than this Initiate bullshit of the modern days plot.

GAMEPLAY

Assassin’s Creed 2 is basically the first game on steroids. You assassinate targets, you sometimes run using your parkour skills and sometimes fight with the enemies. There are some new stuff when you care this to Assassin’s Creed 1 like: Being able to use two hidden blades at once, healing yourself with medicine, shooting enemies with your loud hidden pistol, using smoke bombs, throwing money on the ground (LEAVE ME ALONE YOU BARD HYENAS!) and poisoning people, making them go apeshit (which I used only once in this run, in 13th sequence to be exact). Asides from the regular guards and archers there are three new types of enemies: Brutes, the heavy armored fatsoes, Agiles that can dodge your regular attacks and Seekers, who have a long ranged weapon and can easily find you in a haystack. You can also buy new, better weapon/armor and a bigger sacks for your knifes/medicine/poison. There is also a notoriety meter. When you fill it to 100% the guards will automatically be suspicious when you are in their line of sight. You can decrease it by ripping off posters, paying off heralds and killing the witnesses.

However, in spite of all of this crap that was added, this game feels easier than the first one. It’s not like it’s somewhat major con for me (I would rather play the game that is too easy than too hard) but I can understand some of you have a big problem with that. Imagine this: in theory, when you are spotted, you must use your abilities to run away from the enemies and use combat only as the last resort. But then I ask: why should you do that?! You are so powerful, you can destroy the entire Venetian army in 10 minutes! You are getting more durable and powerful with each sequence! Agiles can die by one counter attack! You can steal Brute’s/Seeker’s weapon, then one-shot them and then use their weapon to one-shot another fool who’s stupid enough to attack you! The fights are that easily! Sure it’s kind of tougher than I remember but still! Even if you don’t want to fight, smoke bombs helps you tremendously in both running away and fighting. Not to mention the enemies being stupid and that they couldn’t catch you most of the time.

Changing slightly the subject, you can also hire mercenaries/courtesans/thieves to help you distract guards. They are pretty helpful in missions, both the main ones and the side ones but outside of them they are rather useless because... well... I already explained you that.

Remember how in the first game you couldn’t swim? Well, now you can do this and use gondolas. Personally, however, I felt like I was faster on my own than on a venetian mini-boat.

ACTIVITIES

There is many stuff to do in this game. Like much more than you think. You can for instance buy paintings, collect money from chests/codex pages/feathers, find glyphs and solve their riddles, (like in previous game) you can climb on viewpoints to reveal a huge chunk of map, deliver letters, race to beat the best time of members of the guild of thieves, beat up unfaithful husbands, collect 6 seals to get Altair’s armor and fund for renovations of many buildings in Monteriggioni. Most of this stuff gives you more and more money every 20 in-game minutes by increasing the town’s status (which you have to withdraw from your villa).

In other words, the predecessor of your typical, modern, Ubiconic game. Personally I enjoyed doing these stuff but be warned; if you want to go after feathers, check a guide on their locations (same with Monteriggioni’s roman gods’ statues). I know at least one guy who went insane after trying to find the last one in Tuscany.

Liquid Bogan (in the background): F̴e̸a̴t̸h̶e̵r̵e̵s̷ ̶a̴r̷e̵ ̵l̴i̸f̵e̶,̴ ̶b̶r̸o̷t̷h̸e̸r̶.̸ ̶W̷e̵ ̶m̵u̵s̴t̴ ̸c̷o̸l̴l̴e̴c̸t̵ ̷a̸l̸l̷ ̸f̸e̸a̶t̷h̴e̶r̴e̵s̵,̶ ̷y̵i̵s̵?̶

He’s definitely fine.

THE GRAPHICS AND SOUND

This is where it turns into mixed-bag. While the sound effect are still very good, the graphics however, didn’t age well. Sure, the landmarks still look awesome and I love some of the details like the fact that some dust from buildings comes off when you climb but the character models… I don’t think they survived the time after the game’s release. The textures look sometimes blurry as shit, facial animation looks from time to time wonky, it looks especially bad in cutscenes. Then again, I don’t think people liked how they looked even in 2009 since I remember watching a review from my native country and the reviewer said that the character models lack polish when you take a closer look.

The soundtrack though… Jesus. Like, what can be said about it after so many people said earlier? There is a reason why people are calling it one of the best soundtracks in video games of all times. I would choose you three of those worth a listening but asides from the first three in the official soundtrack (for obvious reasons) there is too much to choose. So, here’s the whole bloody soundtrack.

STABILITY

Even though I played the PC version (and I heard that the PC version was a mess at the beginning) I didn’t really had many problems. Framerate was constantly smooth and I didn’t notice any drop in it. There were however 2 nasty bugs. The first one crashed the game when you have to choose if you want to play the memory or not; it happened at least 3 times. The second was when trying to assassinate Antonio Maffei and that monk fucker decided to noclip himself into the tower. Like- What the- WHAT THE FU-

Technical Difficulties.

Maybe it was because I paid the nearby herald. I don’t know.

SUMMARY

Despite its graphics getting somewhat dated and the game being kind of buggy, Assassin’s Creed 2 is still a fantastic game and I fully recommend it to you. Check it for yourself (if you haven’t already) and while at it, tell me your opinion about this game.

Thank you all for reading this long-ass review and I’ll see you next time.

Bye!

[peachymess]

What a roller coaster...

Guys... I didn’t know getting a plant could end up being such a roller coaster, but here we are.

So, I’ve been responding to the Norwegian equivalent of Craig’s list (only safer and more reliable) when I see people giving away something I need lately. A few days ago, somebody listed a free fake plant - exactly the type I’ve been looking for (this isn’t a creepypasta, I swear lol). It’s pretty expensive to buy at IKEA, because it’s as tall as me, so I jumped on the chance. Well, I don’t NEED a fake plant per se, but I’m currently renovating my living room and had decided I wanted this specific plant to go in that one corner.

Anyways, a few days of communication and a lot of back and forth (honestly a story in itself), and finally I was welcome to come get it today. It’s only a 20 min walk away from where I live so I was cool with that. Needed to get out of the house anyways. My Pokémon Go says I’ve walked 0 km this week and while I feel like that’s being pessimistic, I can confirm I have not left my apartment in 10 days.

... I had a really bad day yesterday, and so it was a bit of a struggle to get up and get going today, but I was forcing myself to look at it like therapy. Both my body and my mind needs some outdoor walking. I head out, already feeling sort of twilight-zone-y thanks to the odd mix of dread and serenity. As I pass a pokégym, the gym just turns empty, and nobody gets in, so I add a Pokémon and keep going - score (for those of you who don’t play it: something rare and amazingly convenient happened and it made me feel uplifted). Things are looking good. I’m feeling a lot better. This is gonna be an easy little trip and then I’ll feel better.

I find the house, the plant stands outside, as agreed upon. I see it’s looking a lot more shabby than in the pictures. Oh well, free plant. Ever since I got my apartment, though, I’ve gotten a growing paranoia for bug infestations. I dare say it’s up there now, with mild anxiety (turning severe for a few days after every time I find a bug in my house). And I see there’s cobweb by the stem of the plant. I pick it up and start carrying it to the buss stop as I struggle with my thoughts. Do I dare bring the plant inside? What if there are bugs hidden in the leaves? I picture myself putting the plant down and bugs just scattering everywhere and out of sight to nest in my walls.

I struggle with my paranoia until the buss arrives. Do I leave the plant outside the building? I picture everyone getting a notice in the mail after a month, about how the person who owns this rogue plant needs to take responsibility or else there will be consequences. The elderly are appalled at the littering and the kids are traumatized.

But I tell myself I need to chill. I try to take control of my paranoid thoughts, like I’ve always had to. My paranoia is small and endurable now, compared to when I was little. At least when I was little, my worries were legitimate. I guess it’s an ability I’ve acquired out of the need to survive. Anyways, my buss arrives and at this point I’m regretting the whole trip. Do I even need this plant? I have a small table as a stand-in in that corner already and it’s looking kinda good there, actually.

... then an old lady on the buss smiles at me. A really kind and well-meaning smile. And my day just feels 100 times better in an instance. People are good. I love people. I’m reminded that there are other people out there who also legitimately look at people on the buss and think kind thoughts about them. I smile too, and I’m reminded that hey, I left my apartment. I’m getting some fresh air and some relief from the pain of sitting or lying down too much. It’s all ok.

When I get off the buss to walk the distance to hop on the next one, a mother and her child walks by me and the kid looks sooo impressed with my big “tree”, and the mother said, smiling wide: “woooah, he’s gotten himself a big tree, hasn’t he?” (well, she said “she” but w/e, nothing I haven’t had to swallow before). It was really cute and I smile big back at the both of them. I’m really feeling a lot better again. The plant isn’t super heavy, but when you walk a certain distance with it, you start to notice. So I’m thankful, when I reach the next bus stop and there’s 6 minutes until my next buss so I can just chill on the bench for a bit.

Eventually I get on the next bus. I hear one guy loudly talking on the phone about how he wants the guy on the other end to “please hit me, oh come on! While we film, please hit me”. And I was just so amused because me and @ocean-moonlight have this headcanon that Colt likes being whipped and dominated when he’s in bed with Porco (ColtxPorco is OTP forever). So I reach for my phone in my pocket, to send him a snap about how someone on the bus is asking a guy to hit him just like Colt-..... but as I pull out my phone, I see there’s a fucking SNAIL on it!!! My head just goes cold and I try to blow it off but it doesn’t work so I bite the bullet and push it off with my finger and I’m like so nauseous. There was a fucking SNAIL. In my POCKET!! My bug alarm is going on for full and like fuck fuck fuck what else has been shaken off the leaves and onto me, into the hood of my hoodie, down neck, my back (my p—- and my crack, lol). I feel like I’m neck deep in creepy crawlies and oh god my SUNGLASSES were in that pocket. Alarm, alarm, alarm.

I get off soon after, and the guy who was on the phone heads the same way as me. Turns out he lives in the building ajasent to mine and that’s a bit lol but I’m still like. I can’t bring this bug infested thing into my house. I can barely bring my JACKET and MYSELF back inside!! There are snails everywhere!!! Down my neck for sure!!

I put the plant in the shared basement and it’s gonna fucking stay there. I regret everything.

BUT. I received a Valentine’s package in the mail today so at least this whole trip has a happy ending, because if I hadn’t gone outside my door, I wouldn’t have checked my mailbox. I washed my phone and my hands but I don’t know what I’m gonna do about my jacket. I’m running out of food and I was actually planning to go shopping for food today but I don’t dare to now.

I dared to venture outside, and it was supposed to teach me that leaving the apartment isn’t so scary. But guess what, fuckers, IT FUCKING IS!! 😂😂😂

[bamby0304]

Bamby Reacts- SPN 14x01

Okay, so... I know I was gonna wait for it to come on TV but I lost... and won at the same time, ‘cause I watched Supernatural 14x01!! I wasn’t gonna do anything like this, but the second I saw Sam I knew I had to write my reactions down, so here we go :):)

Below the cut is a little bit of complaining about Danneel (don’t get me wrong, though, I like her), some curse words, and obviously spoilers. Also... it’s a long post...

So… the ‘previously’ thing ends and I see Sam and I actually made a noise and quivered. Like… fuck me… holy shit… my insides everywhere vibrated…

And then I realised he’s driving Baby and my heart broke…

MICHAEL!DEAN

Fuck me, Jensen needs to talk in other languages more often.

I’ve got literal chills and I’m only… 3:04 into the ep.

I just wanna mount him…

Now that ^ that’s out of the way… I shall continue.

"Gabriel?", "The other one. The better one." - Now, now, Mikey, lying is a sin, you know.

I mean, at least the guy didn’t say Lucifer… that would have been hilarious!!

"What do you want?" - Dean, you ass.

Ooh!! Ooh!! I like the title card!!

I don’t know if it’s all the fics I’ve read… but I don’t think I can trust Ketch, no matter how much Mary believes in him.

Sam’s taking charge out of the bedroom… it’s hot.

I love Maggie.

BOBB-EH!!

Who is this douche in glasses??

"Castiel, darling." - BARFF

DOUCHEBAG IS A DE-MON!!

"Joined at the… you know… everything." - again, I say… BARFF

Oh God and the slurping… hurry up and die, douchebag.

"I’ll speak slower" - I love you Cas.

"You will tell me everything you know, or I will burn you to ash. Right here and right now." - in that raspy tone… jeez, Cas, let a girl breathe.

Question, though… why couldn’t Cas see all the demon faces??

"CAS!! NO!!" is what I yelled when they started punching him.

Ooh!! Pretty church windows!!

Sister Jo… look, I’m not not a fan of Danneel… but I kinda wish Supernatural was a Dani free place. I know, it’s not fair and I sound stupid, but bringing Danneel into it kind makes me feel awks about loving Dean so much. I swear, if they get down and dirty, I may actually throw a fit or cry. Just sayin’.

But, also, I actually think Danneel is gorg and sweet… I just want Dean to myself :)

"Hey Jo” - am I the only one who thinks she should have been called Judy so Michael could have said, "Hey Jude" instead??

"You don’t recognise me with this pretty face?" - at least we know Michael isn’t blind.

Oh… shit… Michael is pretty…

How turned on do you think Jensen and Danneel got in this scene?? ‘Cause the way he’s looking at her… I don’t think that’s all Michael.

"What do you want?”

IF YOU KNOW WHAT SHE WANTS, WHY FUCKING ASK?!?!

He says ‘human’ like it’s a dirty word…

Ooh!! He’s awake (I already know who it is, but I’m still intrigued)

Sam stepping up and taking on the role of caring for Jack… that conversation… it felt very father-son like

Side note: Jack’s hair looks nice this season.

You can do it, Sammy :) xx

Oh, the look on Sam’s face is breaking my heart, honestly…

"Oh, hey Sam,” sounds too fucking much like Lucifer. Cut that shit out, Nick!!

I know a lot of people don’t read The Hart, and even if you do you guys don’t know what happens throughout the seasons, but the shit Lizzie goes through with Lucifer… I can’t look at Nick right now.

At least Nick knows what happened. I think… I think it’s better that way.

“Must be weird, you looking at me and seeing him." - understatement.

Good job, Sammy!! I’m proud of you :) xx

One second this dude has a southern accent, the next it’s a little British… how many demons are in that meat suit?? Or is this a dissociative identity disorder kinda deal??

Mary: It’s a trap. Sam: Yep. Me: Good job you two.

“He just told you he’s a demon?", "Yeah. Seemed pretty proud of it, too." - of course he did. He’s a douchebag.

Sam has gum in his mouth and I’m pretty sure it’s Jared’s, not his.

Jack stating, "I’m coming, too” made me laugh out loud, literally.

"Castiel you sure I can’t get you hot… and black?” - is… is he insinuating what I think he’s insinuating?? He’s… he’s making a move on Cas. What a d-bag.

Ah, yes, the roll of Castiel’s eyes. Perfection!!

Oh no *literal groan* do I have to listen to his childhood story or some shit now?? Really?? The villain speech??

Oh. My. Fucking. God. He’s seen Michael.

The three d’s and the Douchebag!! Should be a band name.

Wait, wait wait!! Let me guess!! He wants to be the new King of Hell??

"And? What is it?” - Castiel, I love you.

“Everything”

Sam’s voice is breaking and so is my heart!!

“Michael could have burned him out, or worse.” - I was going to say there’s nothing worse… but then I remembered what Lucifer put Sam through, and everything Gadreel did while in Sam, and yeah. Yeah there’s worse.

I’m not a huge Mary fan, but her determination to continue to fight for Dean is swaying me.

The guy walking up to Sam… is he leering?? I don’t blame you dude, but don’t objectify my man, ‘kay??

I swear d-bag has had 20 different accents in less than 30 minutes -.-

@crispychrissy​ yeah, I agree… that guy patting Sam down… I would love to be in his shoes. ‘Whoops… my hand slipped.’

It’s Sam Fucking Winchester, thank you very much, d-bag.

HE PUSHED MY SAMM-EH!!

“The shoulders. The hair. Mm-mmm.” - d-bag isn’t blind either

“You are my Beyonce." - Right-o mate, settle down there.

“I don’t damage the merchandise.” - HAVE YOU NOT SEEN HIS FACE, DOUCHEBAG?!?!

Sam gives zero fucks.

"Let’s make a deal.” - you’re dead.

And then Sam frowns and I swoon and yeah, it was a good time.

"I’m a demon. That’s what we do.” - I instantly started humming Katy Perry’s This is How We Do

Him tapping on the chair… Imma rip that finger off and shove it in his ass in a second.

"Barbarian.” - excuse me?? Weren’t you just talking about eating babies?? And do not talk about my Sammy like that.

"What do you want?” - is there a broken record player somewhere??

"Asmodeus Kentucky fried." - finally he came up with something good!!

Sam interrupting him is a big turn on.

By the way, I’m currently a little lonely, so everything Sam and Michael does is a turn on right now. Sorry, not sorry.

"Yes you do. Or you will.” - IS THAT A THREAT, MOTHER FUCKER?!?!

Now, while I don’t want there to be a king, if there was going to be one he would be on the bottom of my list of candidates.

"I want to work with you, Sam.” - this guy is an idiot

Don’t talk to Cas like you’re a threat. I will squash you like a bug.

Sam and Dean never turned their backs on demon activity… they just got… busy.

"We never gave Crowley that deal.” - Ooh!! Called it!!

Don’t fucking insult Crowley, Douchebag. You have no right. No foot to stand on. In fact, Imma cut those feet off and give those shoes to a Hellhound if you don’t shut up. Puppy could use a chew toy.

“I would eat your heart.” - YOU WOULD STARVE!!

"I’m not afraid of you.” - You should be.

"No.” - oh Sam you know how to turn a girl on!

This guy does a lot of talking…

BOBB-EH!! D:

SAMM-EH!! D:

"Balls.” - it’s all good!! Bobby’s fine!!

"Stab them with the pointy end.” - does Maggie watch Game of Thrones??

NO!! D-BAG HAS THE KNIFE!! D:

Sam looks nice in that jacket, btw

YAY!! D-Bag is dead!!

“There will be no new King of Hell.”

“And if anyone wants the job, you can come through me.” - oh baby, don’t tempt me.

So turned on right now.

Poor Jack…

Cas is just too much right now!!

*gasp* UNKNOWN CALLING!!

Oh.. it’s just Jo.

[banesbottombitch]

Headcannons of the bowers gang as single parents?🤔 btw, love your writing!

Fuck it, lets do this. I’ve got so many feelings about this. For disclaimers sake, the boys are 20-25, so college age. This is long.

Henry “You are my Sunshine but you’re also a Pain” Bowers

First of all, he was’t ready. Nothing prepared him to end up alone, with a baby that was his newest and most precious responsibility.

The mothers either DIED, or straight up left the baby in his arms and was  like “your problem now” either way, he does not consider adoption. 

Called Vic first, actually crying, because how the fuck does he do better for this kid than his dad did for him? He has no idea how to nurture, to care, to help something grow and thrive. He confesses his fears, and Vic gets Belch and the three of them drive to the closest department store, picking out baby shit.

Has no idea how bottles work. Gets the cheapest kind possible, and is so upset when the baby wont drink from them (texture might be off, his dumb ass didnt warm the milk, his dumb ass gave the baby COWS MILK, the list goes on) and screeches in frustration when they leak because, yet again, he got the cheapest fuckers possible

He’d be out of his dads house by this time, probably college age (about 20-25) but he has made a point to not let his dad know of his child’s existence, because lets face it, Butch would wanna see his grandkid (especially if its a boy). So, Henry keeps the information that he’s a new dad on lock down

Calls Mama Huggins weekly for advice, and actively looks at parenting hacks online. He’s trying his best to be a good dad, and would take extra shifts for work to make ends meet. His kid would probably go into daycare sometimes, but he doesnt like leaving them with strangers and just tries to get one of the guys (or Mama Huggins) to take them for a few hours.

Uses his kid as a chick magnet. Goes to parks and hits on the single moms while he helps his toddler roam around. Gets a lot of ass because of this, since he comes off as a very caring dad (he is, surprisingly).

Dresses his baby girl up like bad asses. His daughter wears his old bandanna with her princess outfit (claiming she is a cowgirl princess, because of course she is) or gets a jean vest with decently kid friendly patches on it, and parades her around when he gets the chance. Insanely protective of her, and follows her when she plays at the park and later as she gets older, he makes her text him where she is at all times. Low key helicopter dad. The type of dad to clean a gun in front of her new boyfriend, 11/10.

 His son’s hair gets styled into a fohawk daily and he’s encouraged to wear cool printed shirts his uncles (the rest of the gang) get him that have various metal bands on them and stuff. Teaches him sports, and drags him along to baseball games when he can. Was a bit torn when he heard his son was causing trouble in school, but decides that he cant have his kid doing the same shit he did and nips the bullying in the bud. His son got his temper, and it upsets Henry sometimes how easy it is for them to snap at each other once he gets older.

Takes his kid fishing, hiking, rides on motorcycles, ect. Lots of out door activities. His favorite is to take his kid out fishing, because they’re TRAPPED with him and he gets to spend the day with his mini-me, making crappy jokes and teaching them how to do proper techniques, like he always wished his dad would have done with him.

Gets really stern with his kid though. Takes no fucking bullshit from them, and lives the line “because I said so”, expecting his kid to listen. He loves them, he would NEVER raise a hand to them, but he’s not above a sit down and heavy glare if they mouth off to him or act up in public.

Lives his life better to make his kid’s life better. Goes to anger management if he thinks he’s starting to emulate Butch, and he’s explained to his kid why they’re so distant from his family. Doesn’t articulate what Butch has done to him, but makes it a point to focus on the fact that they Do. Not. Talk. To. Butch.

Makes a point to take his kid to school every day. Tells his kid how much he loves them. They do not go a day without a clap on the shoulder and a small little smile that he wears just for them.

Reggie “GET THAT OUT OF YOUR MOUTH RIGHT FUCKIN’ NOW” Huggins

He was a little shocked when he ended up with a baby. Dazed, confused. He just sat there with this bundle, all soft and small, and held them close. He didn’t know what to do, but does anyone when they become a single parent without word?

If his s/o died, he would be heart broken, but pull through for the kid. If his s/o dumped the baby on him and ran, he’d be fucking furious and vow to never let them within arms reach of HIS child.

The best at easing into parenthood. He told his mama that adoption wasn’t an option, and that he was going to take care of the baby. “I can do it,” he told her, “I’m a man, and men take care of their kids.”

Mama Huggins is overjoyed to be a grandma, even if she claims shes a little young to start being called Nannie, but she spoils that baby rotten. Reggie has to fight to keep her from buying the kid so many different outfits, as she goes overboard and buys too many, and they grow out of them before they can even be tried on.

Leaves the kid with his mom to work, which is fine for Mama Huggins, but Reggie feels like he’s ghosting his kid when he does it. So he works harder and advances in his career as much as possible, wanting to get to  place where he can maybe get extra days off to be with his kid.

Wakes up early to make them breakfast. Every morning he sits down with them, from infancy till they leave his house (read as, his moms, he never moves out lets be real). He wakes them up gently, or flicks on the lights and heaves a great big “UP AND AT ‘EM, KIDDO!” But its all with love.

Doesnt seem interested in dating for the most part, but ends up meeting someone with kids at some point in time, and is happy to have his kid get a new sibling. He always wanted one himself.

Gives in too easily if his kids misbehave. If they cry, it HURTS him, and he just lets them do as they please. Had to nip this in the bud before they got into school though, because he wasn’t going to deal with a spoiled brat for 12+ years.

Straps his kid into the backseat of the Trans-Am, and has a Dad Bag under the seats for bottles, toys, and general baby shit. Patrick likes playing peek a boo with his kid, and Vic only complains a little bit of he has  to feed the baby.

Stops going out with the guys, and is worried that it will dampen his relationship with them It doesnt, they just start  coming over to his house and hanging out. Henry was scared to hold the baby at first, but Reggie eased him into it, and now Henry’s the first one to grab the nugget and bounce them on his knee to calm them down.

If he had a daughter, jesus christ. Jesus H Christ. His most precious gem, his princess, the light of his life. He spends free time doing tea parties, letting her “help” him with fixing Amy, and lets her run wild in the neighborhood. She is fierce, she is the wilderness- NO, HONEY, DONT PICK THAT SNAKE UP PLEASE- DROP IT. DROP IT. NO, DONT ARGUE WITH DADDY. DROP IT!

His son would have a very healthy and loving relationship with him. Everything is open for discussion, and he tries to lead his son into a better light than bullying or the like. Lots of sundays are spent in the front yard, tossing around a football while his son asks the craziest, but most wonderful shit he has ever heard. “Dad, whys girls gotta be so.. weird?” “Dad, do you think Luke Skywalker would have been cooler if he was a sith?” “Dad, if we die, do we meet god, or do we gotta wait in line with our guardian angel?” Loves his boy, cherishes him. He can do no wrong.

Goes to every single parent/teacher conference, and puffs up in pride when they praise his kid. Because, of course they’re praising them! He raised them right!

Victor “Pinterest saved my life” Criss

Legit hid the baby from his parents/bros for a good week before he ran out of excuses as to why they hadn’t seen him for days. He’s at a loss of what to do, and considers adoption. He isnt a paternal guy. he thinks, this wont work out.

Already moved out, like, come on. He’s a rich boy, his parents set him up in a nice apartment/condo in Bangor for school.

If his s/o was still alive, he’d have given the baby back to them. This only works if they ghosted town, or are dead. Otherwise, he’d have been like “fuck no”

Finally figures he’ll give fatherhood a shot, and quickly realizes how much he did NOT bargain for.

Reggie turned up to help one day with Vic holding his baby and sobbing back at the baby while it shrieked and squirmed, the poor guy having no idea what to do. Vic was escorted to the bedroom, and given a nap whole Belch attempted to get the baby to sleep.

Buys all the nicest shit the baby could ever need or want. Lots of sleepless nights are spent with him rocking his baby and scanning amazon, thinking that yet another Sophie the Giraffe is exactly what his demon spawn needs to keep from sobbing through the night

Turns to online archives and pinterest for advice, and slowly becomes a better dad. Lots of trial and error, trips to the emergency room from Patrick convincing a half-dead Vic that his baby’s cough is from the baby black plague, and some angry sobbing of his own leads to a decent routine that makes him and his kiddo happy.

Instagrams his kid, because to be fair, he made a gorgeous baby. Sends lots of photos of the kid to the guys, and Patrick uses some of the most unflattering ones as reaction memes, because he is a dick. Vic has laughed at them, despite being furious Patrick would dare to make his baby a meme.

Literally cried when his kid called him “Dada” for the first time. On the floor. Sobbing. He called Reggie and made him come over. Henry and Patrick came around and tried to get the bay to say swears. They got them to say “sheet” which is pretty close to “shit” so they called it a win.

Throws the biggest birthday parties for his kid. Confetti? Everywhere. Cake? Three layers and professionally made. Presents? Out of this world.

Most stylish child of the group’s kids. Sunglasses, designer clothes. That kid dresses better than you do by the time they’re five. They own it too, and flaunt it for the camera, because Vic takes 89,005,467 photos of his child on the daily.

Taught his kid Beastie Boys songs, and there are videos of his kid rapping along to “Intergalactic”. Vic is so proud of his kid.

Friend dad. Has a hard time punishing his kid if they do something wrong, and sometimes makes up for his own mistakes (raising his voice, getting to upset) by giving them gifts. Its not an amazing system, but his kid is humble…ish.

Having a daughter, that boy is her best friend. She can tell him anything, it wont phase him. Willingly talks about boys, clothes, music. Loves to take her to the park and watch her knock the boys down a peg or two. she inherits his sharp tongue, and its scary how fast she goes from 1 to 101. Blunt child, that one.

A boy? Vic’s son is given the coolest shit, there is no need for want with this boy. Probably some awful mix of fuck boy and wanna be rapper, but Vic loves him anyhow. Shows him off to the gang CONSTANTLY, and shows up in almost matching outfits without realizing it. Its cringey, but it could be worse. Teaches him how to throw a punch and encourages him to kick ass if people step up against him.

Puts his kid in after school tutoring, and thinks bonding time is shopping or watching TV together. Fills their schedules with sports, dance, and music. Expects a lot out of them, academically.

Loves his kid, even if they’re being an asshole, not matter what.

Patrick “You’re Demon Spawn and I adore that” Hockstetter

Was not here for this dad shit. Considered chucking the baby into the system, and would have done it too, if his mother had’t made him face the music.

Total “This is what you get for having unprotected sex, Patrick” rant from her. It ended with him being forced with a baby and his mother’s watchful eye on him. Shes not going to have another Avery on her hands.

Hates the baby the first few MONTHS. No love. Nothing there. Lets it cry itself hoarse, barely remembers to feed it, the type to forget an infant in a shopping market. Considers the possibility of it being real, since it came from him in one way or another, and feels a little threatened.

Drops the baby off with his parents 99% of the time. the 1% is when his parents force the baby back with him.

The first time he feels a little something for the kid is after getting them back from his parents and sitting in his apartment, with him screaming at the kid to shut the fuck up, (the baby is sobbing, lets be real) and they just stop. Right then and there, silence. 

They lock eyes, and Patrick swears he sees a flash of something behind their little baby eyes, almost as if they are betrayed he’d treat them that way, before they quietly sniffle. And then Patrick Hockstetter, the man, the myth, the self proclaimed Literal Satan, feels guilt for the first time.

He picks them up and calms himself down, bouncing them on his hip and softly talks to them. No hate, no love really, just apathetic words that a baby couldnt understand. He does that for hours, until the baby is sleeping, and even then he keeps going. Pours out every thought he’s ever had to this little version of him, and the next time he puts them in their crib, he does so gently. 

Lowering them down and tucking a blanket in around them. He decides they’re worth something to him that day, and everyone in his life see a drastic turn in his reactions towards his child.

Kind of a distant dad, but his kid knows that Patrick is their father and that he, yes, loves them. He’ll still drop his kid off with his parents sometimes on weekends, but as the kid grows up and he starts seeing more and more of himself in them, he’d be more attentive.

Goes on philosophical rants with his kid, and expects them to keep up. Raises his kid to question everything, and they grow up almost just as creepy and weird as him. He’s proud that they’re a little freaky, otherwise he’d be worried they weren’t his.

Patrick wouldn’t do too well with a daughter. He’d make it work, but there would be some issues. He has no idea what common ground to go off from, and would force his daughter to be more tom boyish and enjoy the same shit he does. Wouldn’t care if she was a bully in school, actually encourages it. Hands her cash, shares his weed stash with her once she’s older, and bids her good day. Doesnt see reason to punish her for misbehaving hopes she doesn’t end up dead in a ditch somewhere from her smart mouth. Grades are the least of his concerns. Will kill anyone who hurts his daughter though, and makes good on his threats too.

Patrick thrives with a son. A mini-me, that is almost indistinguishable from himself. Same creepy little smile, same predatory tilt of the shoulders and with eyes that pierce your damn soul. Praises his son to the high heavens, calls the boy a genius, and 100% thinks of him to be the Jesus to his God, if you feel me. The promised one, type of shit. Think of a young Trick from Black Mirror, and thats the kind of son Patrick hopes to have, if not MORE edgy.

Halloween is his favorite holiday as a dad, because he takes his kid out and scares the shit out of other children and teaches them to steal the candy.

The family photo of him and his kid is them out with the gang, with his kid (about 7) wearing his jacket by a bonfire and flipping the camera off, him squatting beside them and doing the same damn thing with the biggest shit eating grin. Ah. Parenting. Patrick’s a natural.

[romaniassexdungeon]

Credit to @phyripo for the header image.

Oh look, I’ve finally finished another fic inspired by a Pogues song! This time it’s NedRo, based on ‘Haunting’ and the tone is rather… different compared to my other fics. Whilst most stories in the series are rather angst-filled (though there are happier ones scattered in there to mix things up) this one’s… well, I don’t want to say funny, more stupid and terrible. And most of it’s in verse. Because I hate myself. This took months to write and I’m so glad that it’s finally finished and I get to share this monstrosity with everyone.

I’m sorry.

Also Ned's name in this is Siemen. Blame Phyripo. Also thanks to her, @peteradnan and @tikola-nesla for reading extracts of this terrible thing and letting me ramble.

It’s probably better to read it on AO3

Siemen – Netherlands

Isabel – Belgium

Luca – Luxembourg

Alin - Romania

“Sit down on that stool hear the cant of a fool,

And a strange tale I'll impart to ye…”

“Opa, will you tell me a bedtime story?”

A big fat ‘no’ wasn’t going to be an acceptable answer here, was it?

The last thing Siemen wanted to do was read anyone a bedtime story, but two pairs of bright green eyes were staring right back at him in the gloom of their shared room and he knew he could spend an hour arguing with a pair of screaming children, or he could just tell them a damn story. At least this way, he could be downstairs with a glass of wine in ten minutes.

Isabel and Luca’s room was a mess of toys and clothes and Siemen wasn’t sure he’d ever seen two people with so many possessions. When he was a child, he had a few toys and books and a little bike. That was all. How did they even have time to play with all these toys? Especially since he’d never seen Luca play with anything except an iPad and that one plastic cash register.

Okay, maybe he was a little proud of Luca for that one. Especially when the kid short-changed a teddy bear for being rude to him.

He stared down at his grandchildren in despair. They… really wanted a story, didn’t they? Was there not something they could watch instead?

No, a story was always the best thing to send a child to sleep with. That was what his daughter insisted when she caught him letting the children watch Watership Down until they fell asleep (the TV show, not the film – he wasn’t a monster).

“Okay,” he said, voice cracking, “what book do you want?”

“Can’t you tell us a story from when you were young?” asked Isabel. “You’re so old! You must have interesting stories, right?”

It was illegal to dropkick a small child out the window, right?

“What did you do when you were little?” asked Luca.

“Respected my elders.” A fat lie but oh well. It was a lie his family told him to get him to behave. It didn’t work but they could sleep easily.

“Did you have TV?”

“Yes but only a few channels,” he sighed, “and it was small and grainy.” And if anyone knocked the aerial then the image was fucked and he’d miss the end of Floris in the time it took to fix it.

“So what did you do when you weren’t watching TV?” asked Isabel.

“Rode my bike.” He smiled, remembering the long summer days wasted cycling by the beach in the sun, maybe taking a picnic with him and spending hours just looking at the sea.

If he was being honest, he had to ride his bike everywhere, because he grew up in the countryside and everything was stupidly far away.

It was how he discovered-

That’s it!

“What about a story a friend of mine wrote?” he offered. Anything to stop them asking questions about his personal life. Even his wife – God rest her soul – could only recall approximately 5 facts about his life. And that was before the dementia set in.

The kids perked up.

“Well, he wrote poems,” Siemen clarified, “but story poems.”

Luca’s face lit up. “Ooh, like Dr Seuss?”

No, nothing like Dr Seuss. “Oh, sure. Like that.”

Leaving an excited pair of grandkids to their chatter, Siemen hauled himself up to shuffle into his room. He always tried to keep everything as organised as possible, a habit that now served him well in his old age. For example, he knew – under his bed – was a battered old suitcase where he kept old mementos regarding a certain someone.

There were two books in the suitcase, one a heavy scrapbook containing preserved leaves and twigs, the other was a notebook on the verge of falling apart.

The unpublished poems of Alin Radacanu, his final volume.

Hand written by Siemen Morgens, upon the poet’s insistence.

Most of these could only be described as ‘sexually menacing’ and certainly not appropriate for adult human beings, let alone children. There was one though…

When he hobbled back to the bedroom, Luca had climbed on the bunk bed to fight Isabel. Again. It was almost perfect, like Alin had planned to have his poem read aloud – for the first time – to a pair of fighting kids.

He snarled and began with a growl.

“Sit down ya wee bastard,

I’ve a tale of disaster,

And romance all to tell ye,

About a young man,

His name was Siemen,

And a strangely attractive ol’ tree.”

The kids jumped, Luca falling off the ladder and Isabel looking at him in utter confusion.

“Dr Seuss never swore in his books.”

He would if he ever met Alin. “I said it was like Dr Seuss, but not entirely. Now, if you promise to not tell your mother about the bad words, I would like to continue, please.”

The kids nodded, eyes sparkling at the thought of hearing ‘bad words’ with cool Opa Siemen. And keeping a secret from mum.

“One night, a cold night,

A night full of fright,

He set off on his little old bike,

Off to a party,

His attire classy,

As the rain it speared like a pike.

If a journey could kill,

Oh, this man hated hills,

He much preferred land to be flat,

He was a Dutchman,

So hills he would ban,

If he had the power to do that.”

“Why don’t you just get a taxi?” asked Isabel.

“It was the 1960s and I lived in the countryside. We didn’t have taxis like those fancy fuckers in Amsterdam. Also I was poor.”

Luca laughed at him.

“You shut your bitch mouth.”

“The rain was too much,

The trip dangerous, as such,

And the hill a steep torrent of mud,

So this man turned around,

For shelter was bound,

Before he got knee-deep in sludge.

At the foot of the hill,

Trapped in a chill,

Our hero sat, sulks by a tree,

But lo and behold,

Gnarly and bold,

This tree was in fact me.

Now a prankster I am,

And I can’t spare a damn,

So as slick and as sly as an oyst-

-er, I bent down to his ear,

And in words loud and clear,

I simply said to him: moist."

“Your friend isn’t very good,” Luca commented.

“Do you want me to stop?”

“Well, no.”

“Then shut up.”

“He was up like a cat,

Or poker to the back,

And let out a terrible shriek,

His face deathly white,

Oh, what a horrible fright!

Simply too fearful to speak.

When nobody was seen,

Except for this tree,

This young man decided to run,

Away from ground haunted,

By ghosts he was taunted,

I, the living tree, he did shun.”

“Your friend… is a tree?” Isabel raised an eyebrow.

“Yes.���

“Mum was right; you’re a senile old bastard.”

“I swear to you it’s tr- I’m a what?”

Isabel shrugged. “Her words, not mine.”

Siemen glared at her for a long moment. “Can I continue?”

They nodded.

“Good.”

“Back on his bike,

Almost flew into a dyke,

In his haste to get away from me,

Shaken and shook,

Without a backwards look,

At me, the twisted old tree.

For weeks, I, alone,

Just stood and bemoaned,

The loss of a potential new friend,

I want him back now,

My soul he will plow,

Will my loneliness ever just end?

Then one silent night,

A strange speck of light,

This man had come back to me,

Though he was scared,

My power he feared,

A new friendship, could this possibly be?”

Luca raised an eyebrow. “You went back to the scary old tree?”

Siemen shrugged. There was a time where he’d been less sensible, almost reckless. And maybe he just wanted to prove to himself that ghosts weren’t real because, dammit Siemen, you weren’t raised to be such a gullible fool.

“If you had found out ghosts were real, would you not want to find out more?”

“Ghosts aren’t real, though.”

“Well, you are wrong. Very wrong. Wrong and stupid.”

Luca began to cry. Because that is what happens when you call a seven-year-old stupid, Siemen.

“Wait, no, I didn’t mean it!” he hissed, “please don’t tell your mother.”

“Give me €20.”

“Absolutely the fuck not.”

Luca cried harder.

The little fu- “Fine! Here!” He – incredibly reluctantly – opened his wallet and fished out a twenty.

He already knew that smug smile on Isabel’s face meant bad news.

“You’ll have to pay me to not snitch too,” she said slyly. Why did his daughter have to go and have 2 kids?

With a growl, he handed over another twenty. “Can I continue my story now?”

“Sure thing, Opa!”

“He kealt at my root,

His glare was acute,

And demanded to know what I was,

Malevolent spirit,

A vision too vivid,

Or was he a cruel laughter’s cause.

I spoke to him gentle,

A voice thin and fragmental,

I begged him to hear my sad tale,

I meant him no harm,

No need for alarm,

I am but a man, cursed and frail,

Though his eyes showed his fear,

Siemen’s ‘yes’ was sincere,

He wanted to know tragedy,

This blight called my life,

My well-deserved strife,

The price of noxious vanity,

Alin the annoying,

A poet so trying,

A genius hated by all,

Though his rhyme was sublime,

And looks so divine,

He was regarded as quite the arsehole.

He made a bet with the devil,

Their power was level,

And he simply won’t ever die,

He put a gun to his head,

And in one shot was dead,

In blood did that idiot lie."

“This moron killed himself to prove he was immortal?” exclaimed Isabel.

“Well how else do you prove it?”

Isabel thought for a moment, then scowled when she couldn’t come up with a reply. Ha! That’s what Siemen thought!

"The devil punished this poet,

Eternal life? He’d bestow it,

Let this man live his mistakes,

Trapped in a tree,

Trickle of time oversee,

Alone in a silent heartache.

Well now I have Siemen,

Promised to be my friend,

He’d come back to visit again,

And the next day he came,

My heart was aflame,

This feeling spread like a bloodstain."

“Eugh,” Luca pulled a face. “A tree fell in love with you?”

“A tree that used to be a man, mind you.”

“It’s still weird. I mean, you couldn’t fall in love with a tree back, right?”

Siemen fell silent. His grandchildren looked at him in horror.

“Well it’s more about personality, you see.”

“And what kind of personality did Alin have?” asked Isabel.

“A horrible one.” They both raised their eyebrows. “Not really. Well, he was very strange, but I couldn’t help liking him. He was funny, and witty. And, well, I don’t know.” He could feel a blush creeping onto his face, and wanted to punch every single one of his blood vessels. “I just found him charming.”

Luca stared at him for a good minute. “Wait, are you saying this actually happened?”

“Of course.”

“You’re senile.”

“Sinterklaas isn’t real.”

Five minutes of crying, and a €30 bribe later, Siemen turned back to Alin’s poem.

“Our friendship, it grew,

To the town’s harsh ado,

Their tongues, like me, were thorny,

Though we broke the taboo,

Our hearts painted rouge,

The truth was he made me so-“

Sieman stopped. Why, Alin? “Oh no, that’s a bit too rude.” As were the next few verses, it seemed. And this was supposed to be one of the cleaner poems.

“We sat in the sun and he told me poems,” he explained, in the hopes of distracting his grandchildren from the prospect of something with a rude word in it, because holy fuck did children love rude words and he couldn’t have them asking their mother what ‘horny’ meant. “We talked about our lives and grew closer. He had a lot of interesting stories, though I’m not sure just how many were actually true.”

He desperately scanned the poem for something that was’t complete and utter filth, vaguely remembering just how disgusted he felt hearing it from Alin’s voice all those years ago.

Ah! Here we go!

“Our cruel reputation,

Across this flat nation,

The madman who French-kissed a tree,

I go naked in winter,

His lip has a splinter!

And his step-child a family of bees!”

Well, it was cleaner than the last seven verses. Isabel still looked disgusted though. He couldn’t blame her. It took him a week to get that splinter out. And that was just the one he got on his lip.

“Our time was a blast,

But it could never last,

He was a human and I just a tree,

I had stood here for years,

Cried cold, lonely tears,

What I wanted was my soul’s release.

What I ask of you dear,

I make this quite clear,

To go set me free at last,

Take your little axe,

Plunge it into my back,

And chop me up quite fast.

I know you will miss me,

With ice where you kissed me,

But the only way to break my cruel curse,

Is to chop me down,

My spirit set down,

Your axe shall be my own nurse.

I’m ready to die,

My soul has run dry,

And my bark has grown dark and inky,

So cut down this tree,

And let me be free,

In fact, I’ll find it quite- God fucking dammit Alin!”

“He’ll find it quite what?” asked Isabel.

“…Stinky?”

“That’s not the word! We’re not idiots!”

Siemen had had quite enough at this point. “It is the word now shut up and go to sleep!” And he left the kids to their protesting, turning off the light and creaking downstairs to find that wine bottle. After locking up the unpublished poems of Alin Radacanu somewhere innocent eyes couldn't find them, of course.

[marvel-obsessed-mind]

Is This The End? [part 2]

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Word Count: 2,072

Warnings: Swearing.  More angst:)

Summary: You have a little chat with Spider-Man. Then your life is changed dramatically

A/N: So, as you can tell, I suck at summaries. But I swear my writing is better.  A big thank you to everyone that read part 1 and asked for more! Also, shout out to @ilovetardisblue and @babyfairybaekhyun for helping me with this chapter, this chapter wouldn't be what it is without them. Thank you guys!!<3

part 1

Your jaw drops as that something lands in front of you.

“Spider-Man?”

---

You stared at the man before you in shock, confused as to why The Spider-Man was standing in front of you, fidgeting, like the dude was nervous.  After staring at each other in awkward silence, you raise an eyebrow, “Can I help you? Not to be rude or anything, but I was on my way to go to bed. I’ve had a long day.”

He ignores all of that though. Instead choosing to comment on your sorrow.

“You’ve been crying.” He states.  

You narrow your eyes, confusion rising even more, at the familiarity of his voice. That makes you think of Peter.  Which you mentally scoff at. Why would Spider-Man remind you of Peter? You realize you’ve left him in an awkward silence so you quickly answer him.

“Sorry, um, yeah, it’s been on and off for the past two hours actually.  Had a talk with my best friend that did not end well. Why do you care?”  You bite out, a bit defensive. You watch him in suspicion as he fidgets some more.

“What, did you tell him you loved him or something?” he asks, awkwardly leaning against the railing.

You blush and automatically go to deny it, when you get stuck on the fact that he said ‘he’. How did he know your best friend was a guy?

You hold your hand up like you’re a traffic cop and say, “Hold up.  You said ‘he’.  How the hell did you know my best friend was a guy?”

You watch his eyes widen as he realizes his mistake, shuffling around as he tries to save himself.

“I-I knew it was a he because P-Peter talked to me about it!” he exclaims, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

What. With that slip-up, you realize why he seemed so familiar to you. Your entire world slips underneath you as you realize why Peter has been so absent for the past 8 months. Motherfucker.

“I never mentioned his name.” You say quietly.

You hear him gasp as you turn to go back into your room.  If you thought your heart hurt before, now it was practically unbearable.

“I’m fucking going to bed. Bye, Peter.”

Fresh tears made their way down your cheeks and you close your eyes.  When you open them to go into your room, you jump a little because Peter is less than a foot anyway with his mask off reaching out to you to stop you from going.  You jump back, not wanting him to touch you.

“What.” you growl out.

“Y/N, please, can we talk about this?”  

“What’s there to talk about, huh, Parker?” You look at him a hurt look and continue, “The fact that’s you’ve made me feel like I was doing something wrong because you’ve been distancing yourself, or the fact that you lied to me for about 8 goddamn months about you being Spider-Man?”

You wipe the tears off with your shirt and look away, jaw clenched, when you snap your eyes back to him.

“Did you think I’d tell everyone?” You whisper, “Did you think I’d break your trust like that?”

Peter looks at you with tears streaming down his face, feeling even worse when he sees how much pain you’re in.  

“Y/N. you could never do anything wrong to make me stop from wanting to be friends with you. I-I’m sorry that I hurt you the way I have. I never meant to. You’ve gotta believe me.” Peter pauses, worried about how this next part will sound, “And I never told you about being Spider-Man because I... I l-love you, and I didn’t want the bad guys to find out I knew you. That’s why Aunt May and Ned didn’t know either. Well, until Ned found out a week ago-” he trails off, eyes widening in realization of what he just said.

Holy fuck he said he loves me. But is it in a friend way or more? You then register what he said after.

“You told Ned?!” you exclaim in anger.  

Wait a minute.. Why would Peter only tell one of us? He just said that he loves me, which holy fuck that s awesome, but he’s always meant that in a brotherly way.. Sadly. You think about it for another minute. Hold the fuck up.

“Peter, do you like Ned? Is that why you told him?” It’s honestly a shot in the dark, and you don’t even realize him trying to take what he said back, and despite the fact that you’re still incredibly hurt that Peter lied to you, you can’t help but laugh at his reaction to your question. Until he responds with, “No! God, he’s just a friend! I like someone else! Someone that’s not Ned!”

That statement has you reeling back in shock. You close your eyes and breathe.

“Okay, that’s another thing you haven’t told me.  We’ll talk later.  It’s late, I’ve had long day and I’m exhausted. Good-fucking-night, Peter.” You declare in a fake cheerful voice, not waiting for his response, as you climb through your window and shut it the second you land.

You close the blinds and head to your bed. You can faintly hear Peter cursing outside you window but you ignore it in favor of processing everything you’ve learned in the past.. You look at the clock.. 20 minutes.  Wow time drags like crazy when you’re getting your heart broken.

You lay on your pillow and stare at the ceiling.  So, Peter was Spider-Man. Your face drains of color as you think about all the bad stuff that could happen- that does happen to Spider-Man.  You can feel the pressure in your chest rising as you start to breathe quicker than normal. You take a couple of deep breaths, trying to release the pressure a little bit before quickly sitting up and rushing over to your desk, pulling out a notebook and a pencil before heading back to your bed. Turning on the lamp next to your bed, you lean against your head against the back of your bed frame and stare at your notebook.

You open the notebook and write down the main things that you now know.

·         Peter is Spider-Man

·         Ned knows

·         Peter has a crush on someone

·         Peter is an idiot

 Then you write down a list of things you you’re hurt about

 ·         Asshole lied to you for months

·         Ned knew before you

·         Peter has a crush on someone

You continued making lists of everything that was on your mind and by the time 1 o’clock came around, you had 3 pages of lists and questions you had. Not to mention, you felt a lot better after getting everything off your chest and onto paper. You twist to turn off the light when you see the notification light on your phone blinking. Frowning, continue with your task of turning the light off and grab your phone and see that you got two texts from peter at 11:30. Sighing, you tap on them and prepare yourself for more apologies.

Peter: Since I know you probably won’t stop thinking about this until you want to talk to me again, Ned found out by accident. I was literally on the ceiling and didn’t know he was in my room. I didn’t want him to be the first to know.  You’d’ve been the first to know if I had a choice.

Peter: I can’t tell you how sorry I am for the pain I’ve caused you. I hope you can forgive me.

You smile tiredly at that and type a quick response.

Y/N: Give me the weekend to reenergize. Then we can talk.  

Y/N: Thank you for telling me that.  That certainly makes me feel a little bit better.

After that, you shut your phone off and snuggled into your blankets.  You gave into the exhaustion that hung over you. The exhaustion from staying up late, and crying, makes it easy to fall into a deep sleep.

--

You wake up to the smell of food being cooked and slowly sit up, glancing at the clock that shows that it’s 12 in the afternoon. You sigh, and get out of bed to head down the hall to the kitchen.

Once you get to the kitchen you find your mom there, cooking. You mumble a hello and go sit down at the table, still in the process of waking up.  After a few minutes, your mom sits next to you and hands you a plate of (Y/F/F).

“Thank you, Mom. This is exactly what I needed.” You give her a grateful smile and dig in.

“I decided I’d let you sleep in after the day you had yesterday, and since you were crying so much last night, I thought you might enjoy this.”  She says as she takes a bite of food.  

You nod your head and swallow, preparing yourself for the conversation you were about to have.

“Honey, relax. We can talk about it after we eat.” She assures you with a smirk plastered on her face.

You give her a sheepish smile and you both finish your food.

--

After you’re both done you head over to the couch and face each other.

“So, what happened yesterday?  Are you and peter okay?”  Your mom asks, concern written all over her face.  

You take a deep breath and tell her about everything that happened for the next hour, reliving the emotions and start crying everyone and then. Well, nearly everything. You lied about him coming over and the whole Spider-Man thing.

“Well, it sounds like he really is sorry for having to continuously cancel and bail on you, not saying what he’s doing to you is cool, but teenage boys, teenagers in general, are weird.  They are at a point in life where they’re transitioning into adults, and it makes things awkward.   They’ve suddenly got to think about getting a job and hone in on what they want to do as a career.  It’s tough, you know that.” You nod in understanding and give her hug.

“Thank you, Mom. Talking to you about it really helped me. Like I said, I’ll talk to Peter about it on Monday. Hopefully we can go back to the way we were.”  You shrug and take a dink of your water that you got while talking with her.

“Or more than friends.”  Your mom wiggles her eyebrows suggestively, a mischievous look in her eyes.

You gape at her in shock.

“What? Mom, no! We’re just friends!” You deny, your face burning with embarrassment as your mom cackles.

“Oh, Y/N, I’ve known about your crush on him for a while now. I’m your mom; I’m supposed to know stuff like this!”  She exclaims happily, and gets up to stretch her back.  

You put your head in your hands and sigh, “I’m that obvious?” Words muffled because of your refusal to lift your head.  And in doing so, you miss this soft look your mom gives you.

“No. I just now you very well, that’s all.”  She laughs and you tilt your head to glare at her.  She just gives you a cheeky smile before looking at her watch.

She sighs and announces, “Oh! I gotta get ready for work. Elaine asked me to take her shift today and I told her I’d do it.” She looks at me for a second, “Is that okay? I’m sure I can call in sick if I have to.” She added, biting her lip.  You stood up and gave her a smile before hugging her.

“It’s okay mom. I’m all good now.” You release her and add, “I’ve got a ton of homework to do anyway.”

“Yeah you do, no more of this staying up until four in the morning because you procrastinate.” She berated. You smile sheepishly and nod your head.

--

30 minutes later your mom is on her way to work and you’re working on homework when the sound of your doorbell startles you.  You frown, not expecting anyone, but go to answer it.  

“Just a minute!” you call as you make your way to the door.

You open the door to find a man in what looks to be his 60’s standing there. You smile and ask, “Can I help you?”

He smirks and replies, “I think so.”

--

The the last thing you remember before passing out is his hand covering your mouth with a cloth.

TAGLIST: @thatspiderbaby  @j-k-aesthetics  @baka-chanismyname @davros2004 @ohparkers

[roccoroks]

VOLUME 6 DAG FILES GATHER ROUND FUCKERS.....ITS THAT TIME AGIAN! ITS STORY TIME WITH ROCCO!!!! its been a long fucking week, elevator took a shit, roof blew off and the Indians are back from cherrokee and all of this in one 18 hour period, not to mention i have a desk clerk that thinks he is supreme overlord over the internet systems and security systems and he is not. thats my job. i am to supreme pizza as he is to cheese pizza but he has yet to figure this out. anywho (count down to when someone photoshops dicks into that gif) to day started out harmless enough, bird chirping and shit, sun was out, it was like 80 degrees but that was the highlight of my day. see i was being called in because we could no longer remote view our security systems because Lord WiFi fucked up the routers again. 10:30 am i arrive at the motel..... IN MAH NEW TRUCK MIGHT I ADD! *phone rings* me: hello (bleeeeep) how my i help.... dag: YES I WOULD LIKE TO BOOK ONE OF THOSE ROOOMS, THEY GOT DAT JACUZZZZZZZZI IN EM me: (MOTHER OF FUCK COULD YOU TALK ANY LOUDER!!) YES MAM, WE HAVE THOSE (MEETING HER VOLUME EQUALLY AS LOUD) dag: HOW MUCH IT BE FO 1 NIGHT? me: just one second.....( rack rate of 59.95, 10 dollar fee for destroying my hearing in everyway possible and the 5.00 i hate you fee) mam? dag: WHAT? me: huh? oh it will be 89.95 (i rounded up) dag: last time we stayed there... me: (oh for fuck sake, here we go) dag: it was 29.45 and tax me: was not, it has never been that rate.....ever dag: it was to me: was not, i know for a fact it wasnt, our minimum rate is 49.95 not 29 (oh shit im being a asshole and jill said i wasnt allow to be a dick anymore) you may have us mistaken with another motel mam dag: i dont like your tone me: (i dont like you) im sorry mam but the truth is that our rate is 89.95, now if you stay 3 nights i can give you 10.00 off dag: (yells to here husband) HEY! RICKYBOBBYJIMBOB BASS HE SAYS HE WILL GIVE IT TO US FOR 10.00 OFF IF WE BOOK 3 NIGHTS OR MORE dags husband: SHEEEEEIT THATS ALMOST 40.00 OFF *heard in the background* me: O.o (you no math what good) dag: OH YEAH WE TAKE THAT, THATS A GOOD DEAL 10 OFF A NIGHT! me:  (i seem to have made the screaming mongoose happy) ok i just need some info from you and we can get your reservation in place, when are you coming? ( i swear if you say as we speak and start moaning that the last person did, i will commit suicide) dag: uuhhhhhhhhhhhhh...... me: ( WAS THAT A FUCKING MOAN) mama? dag: HOLD ON, IMA THINGKIN (say it just as i spelled it) me: ........ *begins making the universal jack off sign* dag: oh! WE IS COMING TODDAY ME:  (REALLY.....HOW CAN YOU BE THIS STUPID AND NOT KNOW WHEN YOU ARE EVEN COMING IN.....WHEN ITS TODAY!!!) *A SHORT SERIES OF QUESTIONS LATER* me: ok i need your zip code please dag: ******* (its cherrokees zip code) me: (fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.... you people always cause problems) ok mam i have your reservation right here and i will see you soon! *dag hangs up with out further conflict* -12:4.....something pm IDK- -there is a nasty storm moving is and the wind is cutting about 60 mph in straight lines and shit getting crazy up in hurr- *struggling with printer, trying to refill the paper tray* me: *grabs multiple sheets of paper* yes, take my load of white paper *wont fit, grabbed to much paper* me: how about now *still no beuno* *removes more paper* me: now? *begins shoving paper into tray at maximum force* *still to much!* me: I WILL DESTROY YOU HP LASERJET P1101W! *phone rings* me: *throws paper in fit of rage, paper now covers 95% of the desk* .... O.e FML!! hello how may i help you? Jill: rocco? me:.....what jill: the cameras still dont work, i cant see shit on my phone me:......no shit? that might be because i have yet to get to that problem.... jill: dont be a ass just fix it me: why does this need to be delt with right this moment, im in the fight of my life with this stupid printer.... jill: i need to be able to watch everyone work... me: ......pervert.. jill: blow it out you ass me: you would like that wouldnt you...*heres her hang up the phone*...PERVERT! *TURNS AROUND TO SEE A LARGE LADY STANDING IN MY LOBBY* ME: hello what can i do for you? Dag: yeah hunneh wez gotza reservation widjall (good luck reading that shit) me: oh ok, whats the first name .....*notices she has what looks like a cross tattoo on her right shoulder*....thats a interesting tattoo you got there dag: oh this old ting? hunneh thats from a long time ago... me: oh is it tribal? (she indian so must bee) dag: sweety child no thats a pork chop... me:..........(BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAH WTAF!) *snicker* uh...how come *pfssssss* i mean to stay *choking back tears* what pork chop dags husband: *from the couch in the lobby* BECAUSE SHES A FAT ASS! me: e.o.....(ho god ho god ho god! i cant do it! i just cant do it) falls in the floor laughing my ass off dag: mothafuck i told you not to speak! bitch you want to eat tonight dont you! me: (oh shit!) snaps to attention dags husband: pfssss wtf ever you know who wears the britches in this relationship! me: (shut up dude, this bitch has the size and capacity of a small bread truck, you may never be heard from again) here are your keys enjoy your stay (please dont eat me) *dag leaves, phone rings* me: hello how may i help you? jill: rocco me: now what jill: moms dog is sick me: i dont care jill: oh and bobby is sick, you have to cover third shift tonight, we have 3 late reservations coming in and you need to take care of it *loud noise heard in parking lot* me: OH SHIT NIGGA! THE ROOF JUST BLEW THE FUCK OFF AND LANDED ON A CAR! JILL: WHAT?! *hangs up phone and runs outside* me: *see that part of the roof has blown off and landed on one of the maids cars* OH THANK GOD, its just marys car thats distroyed. mary: OH YEAH BECAUSE THATS SOOOOO MUCH BETTER! me: meh.....*goes back inside while mary rages out* -12 am now...things are quiet.... to quiet... me: *le derpin on the omputer* *loud thud heard from outside* me: maybe its just thunder and it will go away. *more more disturbing louder noises heard from out side* me: please be thunder! please? please?? *yet another loud noise followed by muffled cussing and a loud clang!* me:.....my suspicions are now aroused..... *phone rings* me: front desk customer: yes we are in 304 and there are some people fighting on the balcony. me: yes sir i will get right on that! - it was that this time all hell broke loose- me: *looks out in the parking lot to see not one not two but all, yes all of my patio furniture from third floor laying in the parking lot and just then i see a tv fall to the ground* HOLY FUCK! *runs out the door* *screaming that i could hear running up the steps to 3rd floor* "your a piece of shit! i cant brelieve you would smoke my last cigarette you boofalo fuckin squirrel shit eating ass clown" me: holy shit! porkchop is fucking pissed! *arrives out of breath to 3rd floor* HEY HEY HEY! YOU TWO NEED TO KNOCK IT THE FUCK.... *pork chop throws a ash tray at me, just as it passes me i hear it break the sound barrier* me: SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT! *DUCKS* WTF! LOOK YOU BEST STOP OR IM GOING TO CALL THE COPS! *porkchop is now ignoring me and is attempting to throw her husband off the 3rd floor railing, yes they are hammered drunk* dag: "ima kill you, you sorry fucker! how dare you smoke my last cig!" me: *calls the cops" 911: 911 whats your emergency? me: yes my name is -------- and im at the --------- and there are two indians beating the shit out of each other on my patio 911: sir? me: SEND THE COPS! THE FAT ONE IS TRYING TO EAT THE LITTLE ONE! 911: ok sir units are dispatched and on the way me: *hags up phone and hides in ice room* -about 29 seconds later, two squads show up- me: oh thank god! -by this point the husband was locked in the bathroom narrowly avoiding being eaten, and porkchop was dragging out all the furniture on to the patio saying all the while " your ass can live outside just like that chicken of yours!" me: wtf does that even mean! - cops arrive on the balcony to find me hiding in the ice room and porkchop the great white grizzly bear destroying the room- cops- mam, your under arrest for destruction of property and DIP (drunk in pubic) dag: *grabs a remote off the table and squares up to fight.....i shit you not...* cops: *circling the enraged wildebeest, one goes in for the kill and nails a lucky blow to the back of her knee and she drops like a 900 pound bag of booze, shit and regret* your going to jail! me: oh snap! 20 mins later after filling out a report cops: ok have a nice night. me: wa....wait, whos going to help me clean..... cops: no me... *leaves* so there i sat, parking lot covered in furniture, 3rd floor could legally be turned into fema for government aid and 302 completely destroyed. me: *looks around......locks the doors and goes home*

[taegdcl1018]

3 Billion Dollars [Part 11] - G Dragon Mafia!AU

Summary: When your father owes 3 billion dollars to the mafia, he must repay his debt. Although things don’t exactly go the way he hoped.

Genre: idk for this one honestly. angst?

Warning: swearing, graphic imagery, probably incorrect medical stuff, mentions of blood, my writing in general

{part 1} {part 2} {part 3} {part 4} {part 5} {part 6} {part 7} {part 8} {part 9} {part 10} {part 11} {part 12} {part 13} {part 14} {part 15} {part 16} {part 17} {part 18} {part 19} {part 20} {part 21} {part 22} {part 23}

A/N: I’m so sorry. So much stuff happened this weekend and I got barely any writing done. I swear I’ll work on more stuff I promise. I have a few request I’m working on and will hopefully be posted this week. I also have a very rough draft of like two series so yeah. I’m sorry my life’s a mess. Enjoy! Please leave me stuff in my inbox I love getting things! I kinda really need some motivation to finish my last few scenarios. 

~ Admin Brooklyn

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You rushed to Ji Yong’s side, kneeling down over him. He groaned on the floor, blood pooling out of his arm. The boys quickly surrounded him. You put your hands on him, lightly holding him down too quickly look at the wound. Ji Yong clutched his shoulder, putting pressure on it as he groaned and shouted out in pain.

“Ji Yong move your arm,” you say, trying to pry his hand away from his shoulder. He glared at you, his grip on his shoulder getting tighter.

“I don’t know if you can fucking tell, but I just FUCKING GOT SHOT. NO THANKS TO YOUR FUCKING EX BOYFRIEND,” he yelled. You rolled your eyes and continued to try to pry his hands away.

“If you didn’t know, I went to medical school,” you say, pulling his arm. He shouted out in pain and you rolled your eyes. “So shut up, let go of your arm, and let me fucking heal you.”

“Ji come on,” Youngbae said. Frowning at his leader's stubbornness. He looked at Daesung and Seunghyun. “You two go and find the doctor. Make sure everyone is okay.”

Seunghyun and Daesung nod their heads and give Ji Yong one last glance before leaving. Ji Yong continues to groan on the floor, clutching his shoulder. You rolled your eyes.

“JI YONG I SWEAR TO GOD YOU ARE GONNA BLEED OUT, STOP BEING A DRAMA QUEEN AND LEMME LOOK AT IT,” you practically shout. He glares at you, only to be met by a harsh one of your own. He starts pouting, and slowly he released his tight grip. His hand is still in the way though. You go to move it and his grip returns.

“Promise you won’t hurt it anymore,” Ji Yong says sheepishly. You roll your eyes as the other two boys snicker. You sigh and nod your head, knowing that without any meds it’ll hurt like a bitch. Ji Yong takes his hand off of his shoulder and you move closer to his shoulder.

“Seungri, go get the nearest first aid kit,” you say. He nods his head and gets up. You grab his hand before he can leave. “Make sure there’s a sewing kit in there and find a lighter.”

“He’ll need stitches?” Seungri asked. You nodded your head. You lightly tugged at Ji Yong’s shirt, trying to get a better look at his wound. Seungri left leaving you and Youngbae to look over Ji Yong. You lightly touched the bullet wound and Ji Yong groaned out. His hand reached out and gripped yours tightly.

“YOU SAID-” “DOES IT LOOK LIKE I CARE ABOUT A STUPID PROMISE WHEN YOU ARE ALMOST BLEEDING OUT,” you shouted. He glared at you. Youngbae gabbed Ji Yong’s hand and pried it off of your wrist. You looked at the wound once more before going to touch it.

“Hold him down,” you muttered. Youngbae nodded his head and grabbed his other shoulder and his chest, lightly pushing down. You touched the open flesh and he hissed out in pain. You give him a sympathetic look and return back to studying the damage. “Thank god the bullet isn’t too far in, I can get it out and he’ll need stitches.”

“Where the fuck is Seungri?” Youngbae muttered.

“I got it!” You turned over your shoulder to see a boy running down the hall carrying a white box. He sat down next to you, opening the box. Your hands left Ji Yong and nimbly navigated its way around the messy supplies. The boys watched as you pulled out scissors, the needle and thread that Seungri brought, tweezers, and a bunch of gauzes. You furrow your eyebrows, confusion filling your face.

“Where’s the lighter?” You ask, looking up at Seungri. He frowned and looked in the first aid kit.

“It’s not in here?” Seungri said, digging through the box as well.

“I have one in my front left pocket,” Ji Yong says, groaning at the end of the sentence. You mention for Seungri to grab it but he puts his hands up.

“That is too close to his junk for my comfort,” he states cause you to roll your eyes. You reach over Seungri and go for Ji Yong’s pants. You slip your hand into his pocket, trying to ignore your cheeks heating up. You quickly grab the lighter and slip your hands out of his pocket. Seungri smirks as quickly set down the lighter.

“Now what?” Youngbae asks, the pool of blood increasing. You cut his shirt around his bullet wound, giving you more access to it. You grab the tweezers and get ready to pull out the bullet.

“Hold him down,” you say. Seungri and Youngbae immediately go towards his chest and his remaining shoulder. You give Ji Yong a sympathetic look. “This is gonna hurt.”

“MOTHER FUCKER!” A string of curse words leaves his mouth as you try to dig your way towards the bullet. Ji Yong squirmed as you tried to grab the bullet, the tweezers moving inside of his skin. You were less than a centimeter away from the bullet when Ji Yong moved it away.

“Ji Yong stop moving,”

“I’M SORRY BUT THE WOUND YOUR FUCKING BOYFRIEND GAVE ME FUCKING HURTS”

“I know but I have to take it out”

“FUCKING SHIT,” you quickly focused once again. You went into his wound again, aiming for the bullet.

“FUCKING HELL I AM GOING TO KILL THAT SON OF A BITCH,”

“Hold still,” you say. Your eyebrows creased together as you carefully put light pressure on the tweezers. Ji Yong shouted out curse words again, a new combination, still containing ‘fuck’ at least once in a variation. You smile as you pull your tweezers out. The room became quiet. The only sound was from Ji Yong’s heavy breathing and the small clinking sound of the bloodied bullet hitting the hard floor.

“God I hate your boyfriend,” Ji Yong muttered. You rolled your eyes and scoff. You grab a few gauze, pouring rubbing alcohol onto the small pad before placing it on his skin.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” you say as he hisses out in pain. You wipe away the blood grabbing a fresh clean one and repeating the process.

“Sorry, ex-boyfriend,” Ji Yong growled. You had Youngbae hold the gauze, applying light pressure. You gave Seungri the task of helping you with preparing the needle and thread. He strung the thread through the needle and tied a knot.

“We never dated,” you muttered. Ji Yong stared up at you, his eyes narrowed as he studied your face. You lit the lighter and held the needle against it, heating it up so it can go through the skin easier.

“Did you fuck him?” You didn’t answer, closing the lighter. You gestured for Youngbae and Seungri to hold him down as you pushed the needle through him. Ji Yong’s face contorted in pain as you pushed it through his skin and into the other side of the open wound. He groaned as you pushed the needle through the other side and pulled the open skin together. He frowned as he realized you never answered his question.

“You didn’t answer (Y/N). Did you fuck him?” You glared at him.

“Why would it matter?”

“I don’t know if you were here princess, BUT HE FUCKING KILLED 15 PEOPLE AND SHOT ME.” Ji Yong shouted at you. You face started to heat up, pent up anger and grief adding to your current frustration. You glared at his wound as you tied the knot of the first stitch. It was at the highest point in his open wound, and by the looks of it, he’ll need three-to-four more. Ji Yong let out a dry sarcastic chuckle.

“You don’t have to answer sweetheart. I got my answer. You used to fuck him back in your college days. I’m gonna guess friends with benefits relationship that you stopped because he grew feelings for you. Am I right?” He said. You glared at him. Ji Yong smirked, anger hidden behind his expression. Seungri eyed you two cautiously. Ji Yong opened his mouth, continuing his little rant. “Look at that princess, the boy you fucked turned into a murder. How does that feel?”

“Well, you have dick to say! You only befriended me because your daddy said so. You’ve been killing since you were fifteen, and I’m more than sure that with all the hookers and strippers you allow in here you’ve been fucking people who have more STD’s than I have fingers. Do you even want to start to talk about hurting people I care about? BECAUSE YOU FUCKING KILLED MY BROTHER AND YOUR DAD KILLED MY MOTHER! HOW IS THAT ACCEPTABLE?!”

Daesung and Seunghyun watched from a distance as tears streamed down your face. Ji Yong stared back at you with a blank face. You shook your head and rolled your eyes. You looked back down at his wound, finishing his stitches. You lit the lighter one more time and heated up the needle. A crease was formed on your forehead as you concentrated.  You pulled the needle through his skin again, resulting in a grunt of pain from Ji Yong.

“I thought you knew why it happened,” he muttered. You scoffed quietly, still concentrating on the second stitch. Pulling the needle through the skin on the other side of the wound and tying a knot.

“That doesn’t mean I have to accept what you did, or why you never told me.” Seungri glanced at Youngbae. Both men seemed to sit back and watch the awkward, yet a little entertaining situation. Once again, you pushed the needle through his skin and pulled it through the open skin on the other side. You pulled it together by tying a knot.

“You don’t call me oppa,” he said, wincing slightly.

“People earn titles,” you say starting one more final stitch.

“So roughly twenty years of friendship doesn’t matter,” Ji Yong said, wincing once again as you pulled the needle through his skin. You rolled your eyes and tie the final knot.

“Should it as you’re yelling at me when I’m trying to help you? Or, I don’t know, as you mock me for past relationships when the only way for you to get off is if the girl walks around with no clothes and is open to anything as long as she gets paid.” You shoot back. It shuts him up long enough for you to take on a makeshift band-aid. You get up from the floor. Seungri and Youngbae help Ji Yong up, Ji Yong wrapping his good arm around Seungri for support. You clean up your mess as best as you could, the blood-stained gauze now staining your hands.

“The doctor’s been shot,” Seunghyun says, coming up behind you. You turn around and face Daesung and Seunghyun. Daesung smiles sadly at you, which you half-heartedly return. Ji Yong’s face is stern as his gaze leaves you and moves onto Seunghyun.

“We’re pretty sure someone gave up info about,” you frowned at Dae’s words and looked back towards Ji Yong. He needed rest, nobody can recover from a bullet wound easily. Ji Yong groans as he leans off of Seungri.

“We need to do something,” Ji Yong started. You raised your eyebrow questioning him.

“I’m sorry, but you made it pretty fucking clear that you got shot,” you say. Seungri smiles, lightly chuckling. “You aren’t gonna do anything but lay in bed. Understand?”

“Princess I don’t think you understand where you are, I make the rules here. I’m in charge I mak-”

“Which one of us went to medical school?”

“You but-”

“Which one of us is shot?”

“Me obviously, but still-”

“Who do you think gets a say in what you do or don’t do when you’re shot?” The boys laugh as Ji Yong tries to shrink in his shirt. He glares at you, but his gaze softens when your dried tear stains remind him of the past ten minutes.

“Fine, but I’m still working.” You shrug and cross your arms, making sure to keep the blood away from your outfit, although it’s already too late for the bottom half of your outfit.

“You are also gonna stay in your room,” he finished. You looked up at him shocked. He smirks. “I know that the maknae takes you out at times, so does Dad. I’m shutting it down unless they get approval from me. Understand?”

You glare at him, catching the sight of his bloody shirt and the dead bodies on the ground. You sigh and nod your head. Seeming content in your small response Ji Yong nodded his head. He looked at you softly, Seungri no longer holding him up.

“Do you want me to-”

“No,” you say. You shake your head. “I’m gonna go get ice cream and head back up to my room.”

“Okay,” Ji Yong said. A moment of silence settled in, a bit awkward for the boys but it didn’t feel too awkward for you. He gave you a look of reassurance, regret, and guilt. You gave him an almost blank one, only containing small traces of brokenness and loss. “Seungri go with her.”

Seungri nodded his head and left Ji Yong’s side. He placed a hand on your lower back and guided you towards the kitchen. You left the bloodied lobby passing people who gave you looks. You didn’t look at them though, too focused on your own feelings. Obviously, you were mad. Ji Yong had no right to say that about Flynn when he’s done worse. That being said, Ji Yong was right, Flynn probably shouldn’t be your most trusted person at the moment.

You opened the fridge and dug through its contents until you found an unopened pint of ice cream. Seungri goes to grab you a bowl, but you stop. Him he looks at you confused as you shake your head. You make your way towards the utensil drawer and pulled out a spoon. He laughed quietly as you made your way towards the now comforting confines of your room.

~~~

You were sitting on your bed, Ai finding his usual spot next to your lap. You aimlessly pet him as you watch Netflix on your computer, finding a good distraction to watch. It was a good way to wind down from the events that unfolded today. Your ice cream was almost gone by now, slowly melting away in the container that rested on your lap.

A knock sounded on your door, only for it to open in the next few seconds. Mr. Kwon stepped in. He wore a crisp, clean suit and seemed to comb back his hair. He smiled at you and entered the room, closing the door behind him. He sat down across from you on the bed. Ai only sparing him a glance before going back to cuddling.

“I heard what happened. I think you’re gonna wanna know a few things about Ji Yong.”

[ranthrewrising]

Hello Children

So over the year, I have been collecting quotes and sayings so I could pick one for my senior quote. Now that my senior year is near, I thought I would share. Enjoy mother fuckers "Oh good, peaches at a strip bar" "There are so many churches in this town because there are so many sinners" "I'd love to see Jesus, but I'm so hungry" "I got the picture, now let's go before we get shot" "I had a crush on a guy once, then another guy went and shot up his house. Good times" "The struggle is real bitches" "This is not a clothing optional class" - Mr.Buttner "don't let me school you on trap music." "Girl, I got more guns than Jesus" "yaaaasssss" - Mr.Buttner "I'm gonna unlike Mary though" Mr.Buttner "I can't even do dumbass chemistry" Grandeddy "Wait. You actually do work in this class?" "You can't put your problems In a tiny backpack" “You’re gonna die anyway, so just set your house on fire and drink snake venom. "Pay attention to John green" "Cow boys have always been in use, I know because I've used them" "God I love madonna" "From the womb to the tomb" "Put down im strong as a mofo". "Guess what, you have a father" "WABAM" -Buttner "*drops baby*"- Cathleen "Old age is for sissys" "375 bitches" "Why not sexy elbows" "The best part is when the black chick starts singing" "Brittney spears is my jam, toxic is my anthem" "Beer pong is an art" "So, there was a little caesers pizza on the side walk" "It's like nanny McPhee but with drinking" "He's driving through sheets getting cheese curds, he's so full of shit" "It takes two to procreate" "I am a snan if you will" "Screw the patriarchy" "Speaking of spicy, do you guys have any water" "Living with regret is a bitch" "I could do keg stands in a minute" "Those kids couldn't do shit. I drove my mustang off the dock of lochmere" "Settle down my toasted wheat thins" "Oh no ive been inconvinced" "I must call my family! *bird noise* " "If I get a concussion. I will find out where Greg lives and send him the bill" "Let's go sit on the apron *giddy laughter*" "If you don't give me this god damn candy corn, I will eat your hand" "Everyone had lumps and bumps" "Cool beans, beans of cool" -You are a fishmonger -Well, here is my leg -Take you me for a sponge, my lord? -Do you see yonder cloud that’s almost in the shape of a camel? -Eat my leek "Attack? More like give candy aggressively" "Oh yeah? I told you not to do something and you did it anyway? Go fuck your self" "There will be no furries in my household" "Shooty shoot shoot" LMM "Oh god there are things that are happening" "Well the thing is...I don't know" "Look lady, I was on pain meds. I don't even know what happened yesterday" "Are you just being a dick on purpose now ?" "For a second, I forgot what a leaf was" "I'm gonna punch her right in the tits" "This is some catastrophe shit" "Could y'all do me a favor and make a lot of noise to drive her crazy?" -Could you stand in front of my bus so I can run you over?" "I loved Spanish, of course I had a hot teacher. God she was smokin. Damn shame she married the gym teacher" "Pumpkin pie and jack Daniels, never again" "Of course this is a fashion show, everywhere I go is a fashion show" "Well that's just you showin that you're a racist bitch" "I had mace in highschool" "Imagine this, a hot room with sweaty contorsanists" "Hell run his smart ass mouth, and when he turns around,I'll stab him" "I....I don't even know" "And Jesus was like, boi, give this man a break" "They've been gone a long ass time my guy" "Those Scottish men are very angry" "The website said I was sexually frustrated, I am going to die a virgin, so I guess it's right" “What an ass am I!”
—Hamlet, Act 2, Scene 2 “I am not a slut,”
—As You Like It, Act 3, Scene 3
(Not that there’s anything wrong with that.) “Hell is empty and all the devils are here,”
—The Tempest, Act 1, Scene 2 “Commit the oldest sins the newest kind of ways,”
—Henry IV Part 2, Act 4, Scene 5 “This is the excellent foppery of the world,” –King Lear, Act 1, Scene 2 “Making the beast with two backs,”
—mOthello, Act 1, Scene 1 “The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool,”
—As You Like It, Act 5, Scene 1 “To tell thee plain, I aim to lie with thee,”
—Henry VI Part 3, Act 3, Scene 2
(Works great for courting hot widows.) “I would rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a man swear he loves me,”
—Much Ado About Nothing, Act 1, Scene 1 “I wasted time, and now doth time waste me,”
—Richard II, Act 5, Scene 5 “Marry, sir, in her buttocks.”
—A Comedy of Errors, Act 2, Scene 5
(No judgement here.) “My horse is my mistress,”
—Henry V, Act 3, Scene 7
(Uh, there might be something wrong with that.) “Thou dost infect my eyes,”
—Richard III, Act 1, Scene 2 “Better a witty fool, than a foolish wit,”
—Twelfth Night, Act 1, Scene 5
(“Wit” is Shakespearean slang for penis.) “[Wine] provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance,”
—Macbeth, Act 2, Scene 3 “I had rather live with cheese and garlic in a windmill, far, than feed on cates and have him talk to me in any summer-house in Christendom,”
—Henry IV Part 2, Act 4 Scene 1 “Now, gods, stand up for bastards!”
—King Lear, Act 1, Scene 2 “Villain, I have done thy mother!”
—Titus Andronicus, Act 4, Scene 2
(This means exactly what you think it does.) “And thou unfit for any place but hell,”
—Richard III, Act 1, Scene 2 “The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers,”
—Henry VI Part 2, Act 4, Scene 2 “Heaven truly knows that thou art false as hell.”
—Othello, Act 4, Scene 2 “Out, dunghill!”
—King John, Act 4, Scene 3 “This is too long.”
—Hamlet, Act 2, Scene 2 "That's the same guy, he's just on a different corner. *like a hooker* he's selling bonsai, not bushes" "Team thucc for the win" "no hoochie mamas on the field" "God can't help you now" "Jesus used the vostros" "Don't bring a gun to a knife fight" “Suck my dick Confucius, because you have been declined bitch.” "He's 18 years old, that's illegal" "What's a vise? Oh the clampy thing" "You can go to a website called suck it.com" "I'm throwing fire and grabbing titties" "He kept coming like an asshole" "Us being the white people in there" "I am not a smart man" "frank sinatra is a cryptid and he gave me a blow job behind an applebees" "Which one is the salad fork and which one is the one I kill myself with" "Sometimes, I have an urge to stab people who pass the ball right to the goalies stick" "Shooting high to high makes me want to kick puppies" "I stabbed a kid in the neck with a pencil when I was 11, so I'm not afraid to stab you when you shoot high to high" "Smoke god, pray to weed, and respect women, Solomon 4:20" "I'm Mary fricken poppins!" "That happened 31 years ago, you need to let it go" "The oldest wasn't any help, she would sneak out at 2 in the morning to go horse riding" "He never called me by my name, it was either slick or the n word" "Mothman is real and he offered me cocaine in a dimly lit jc penny’s" "Aw no honey, you need to try all types of flavors"-my mother on dating "Who said just said daddy, get out" "If you ain't eat at a hooters, then you ain't shit" "I want it all" -cobra command "Luckily, im a messy bitch who loves drama"- Shea coulee "Let's change shit up!" Sasha Valour "Change the motherfucking world" Sasha Valour "Oh my god, he's gonna shit his pants" "Impress them with your lovemaking, then impress them with your lawmaking" "I have some bad news, but before I tell you, keep in mind that the wright bros could only stay airborne for 12 seconds" "-you blew it -super hard -complete buffoonery" "...tampons, what the hell is that? A wad of dry fucking cotton stuffed up there?" "Benedict Cumberbatch, who the fuck is that?"

[tellywoodtrash]

ishqbaaz 05.06.17 lb

plain text version here. 

apologies are the laaaaaaast thing on his mind once you did THAAAAAT, anika. 😏😏😏

haaaaaaaaye. 😍😍😍

i swear, shivaay is never more attractive to me than when he’s all puppy-eyed and apologetic. 😚😚😚

… like i get that you two are in the middle of a very deep conversation and all, but i just can’t help but wonder: standing in the middle of a pool in fulllll clothes, it just doesn’t look very comfor… ok never mind. 🤐🤐🤐

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG 😧😧😧

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE SAID “meriiiiii saanseinnnn ruk rahi haiiiiiii”!!!!!!!!!! 😍😍��

but also, why won’t this man just say the words I LOVE YOU? like, sab kuch toh keh diya aur kar liya, bas yahannnn pe hi aake kyun atak jaata hai? 😕😕😕

or are we saving that for a later waala “i love you dammnit!!!!!!” type track? 🤔🤔🤔

ok i’ll stop complaining. haaaaaye. meriiii bhiiii saansein abhi ruk rahi haiiiiiii. 😚😚😚

HooOOoOoOOooOLLLLLLYYYYYY MOTHER OF GOD. 😧😧😧😧😧😧😧😧😧

well, it’s been nice knowing you all, but i’m sorry, I’M FUCKING DEAD NOW. ☠☠☠

R.I.P. ME. 

ok seriously, i’m quitting my day job and starting a “marriage/sex counselling for tellywood couples” kinda thing. i see big money in my future. 😣😣😣

the 101 course is for all the tellywood wives, who ask their husbands “yeh aap kyaa kar rahe hai???” when the men dare to make a move towards them. 🙄🙄🙄

“i don’t care.”

what he’s not saying: i haven’t got some in a super long time, possibly ever, and you’re not making it easy on me, prancing around everyday in these backless tops, and especially right now; standing here plastered to me, all wet and sexy. please cut me some slack. 😗😗😗

“room mein chalein?“ 

lmaooooooo now that billu’s made a move, uski self-control ki dhajjiyyan hi udd gayi hai. 😆😆😆

ughhhh he’s sooooooo cute and giddy and excitedd and smileyyyyy. 😍😍😍

girl, why couldn’t you have smiled at HIM, and shown him that you were into it tooo? nahi, uske saamne toh you look like you’re being tortured. 😒😒😒

OHHHHHHH MY GODDDDDD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. WHY IS MUMMMEHHHHHH HEREEEEEEEEEEE?!?!? DON’T BE KILLING ALL THE LADY BONERS LIKE THIS, SHOW!!!!!!!!! 😩😩😩

OMG FUCK OFF PINKY. 😑😑😑

@ANIKA: CALL SHIVAAY BACK INTO THE POOL AND MAKE OUT WITH HIM IN FRONT OF HER FUCKING FACE JUST TO SPITE HER!!!!!!! 😤😤😤

"humaare beech ki doooriyaan khatam karna” lolololol tellywood and its ridiculoussss euphemisms for sex. 😂😂😂

“kya karoon?” ok girl, i’ll tell you. bang him first, and then use the baaki ke do din to come up with a plan on how to vanquish mummeh. 😇😇😇

with occasional bang breaks during those two days too. 😏😏😏

prinku is a fucking idiot to trust kamini again, if not just ranveer. 🙄🙄🙄

i really dgaf about anyyyyy of these irrelevent losers. where the fuck is my boy mahiiii ve???? he’s the only one i care about in this track. 😫😫😫

arre waah, anika has a new sessssssssky black salwarrrrrr for “sleeping” innnn. 😏😏😏

LMAOOOOOOOOOO IN THOSE 5 MIN, LOOK WHAT HE’S DONE TO THE ROOM. THIRSTY MUCH, SHIVAAY???? 😆😆😆

whyyyy is everything in this house SUCH A PRODUCTION???? baat baat pe ghar sajaaa dete hai. like… calm the fuck down. you know, you caaaaan do things without having the whole place look like a fairy light factory/flower market threw up in here. 🙄🙄🙄

i don’t get it, she came into the room all changed? like… where did she change??? does she keep a whole different wardrobe elsewhere in the house coz she can’t change in her room? 🤔🤔🤔

also does this room have a bathroom or not? when this set was used for beintehaa, we used to see the attached bath all the time, but they never show us that area on this show… 😐😐😐

ok i’ll stop blabbering about bathrooms and the architecture of the room when there’s clearly more important things to focus on. I JUST HAVE A LOT OF NERVOUS ENERGY RIGHT NOW OK?!?!!?? 😖😖😖

bro, at least close the fucking doooor. matlab, itniiiii bhi kya jaldi? 😶😶😶

pffffffffft. this corny ass fucker. 🙄🙄🙄

question: how did he even arrange all this shit??? lord, did this loser have the servants on standby with all this stuff for the past few weeks?? 😟😟😟

*5 minutes earlier* 

sopping wet shivaay running into servants’ quarters yelling “THIS IS NOT A DRILL, THIS IS NOT A DRILL, I’M FINALLY ABOUT TO CLOSE THE DEAL. PLAN: SUHAAG RAAT IS A GO, PEOPLE, 👏🏽 MOVE 👏🏽 MOVE 👏🏽 MOVE 👏🏽 !!!!!” *runs back out*  *servants finally relieved, coz the sexual tension was killing them too*

welp. he said it. no mincing wordssss. 😧😧😧

is she being purposely obtuse??????? 😕😕😕

lmaoooooo, billu’s already beginning to lose his… “excitement”. 😂😂😂

lmao yepppppp, look at her face; she’s definitelyyyy fucking with him. 😂😂😂

and not in the fun way, that he had in mind. 😆😆😆

LOL LOOK AT HIM SHARMAOFYINGGGGGGGGG. GOD, THIS IDIOT BOY. 😂😂😂

pappu toh tum bana rahi ho is bechaare ka, anika. 😐😐😐

lmaooooo, billu ji ka para chad raha hai. and again, not in a funnnn way. in the old, phone-smashy kinda way. 😬😬😬

god knows how many phones are going to get sacrificed to shivaay’s sexual frustration. 🙃🙃🙃

jesus christtttttttttt shivaay, you talk too fucking much, and in the lamestttt, cheesiest fucking way possible. just kiss the goddamn girl. she’ll get all the info she needs from that. 🙄🙄🙄

GIRL, THAT’S NOT THE KIND OF JAGRAATA HE HAD IN MIND!!!!!!!! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

a reminder for our viewers at home, that this is a 33 year old man that you’re watching, who can’t seem to tell his own damn wife that he wants to have sex with her. yes, you heard that right. 33 YEARS OLD. 😒😒😒

“woh waala. dusre type ka.” LMAO CHEAPDA. 😆😆😆

“dealllll hi toh sign nahi ho rahi hai yahan par. 😒" 

LMAOOOOOOO. 😂😂😂😂 also, return that Businessman of the Year award please. we’re giving it to a man who’s not THIS terrible in the bedroom. 😋😋😋

FUCKING FINALLY. AWAIIII KE 5 MINUTE BAATON MEIN BARBAAD KAR DIYE. 😒😒😒

ugh fuck off kamini. i hope for their sakes, that prinku/ranveer are scamming her. 😑😑😑

not that i particularly care. you three could die tomorrow and idgaf. 🙄🙄🙄

OK THE SCENE CHANGES ARE SO DAMN ABRUPT. COULD THE EDITING TEAM PLEASE WORK ON THEIR TRANSITIONS PLEASE????? FOR A SECOND I WAS LIKE EW I DON’T CARE ABOUT RANVEER/PRINKU’S SUHAAG RAAT. 🤢🤢🤢

if both his hands are on her face, why’s she still holding her hand behind her back? 🤔🤔🤔

… was she NOT fucking with him? i was absolutely positive she was??? DON’T TELL ME SHE REALLY DID NOT KNOW WHAT WAS HAPPENING? 😱😱😱

godddddd. this guy really TALKS too much. just get to it, you chatty cathyyyy. 😑😑😑

again, how long has he been holding on to this lingerie that he bought for her???? this thirsty ass fucker. 🙄🙄🙄

"TUMHE sharam aa rahi hai toh MAIN (mooh) kyun ghumaaoon??” hahahahahahahahahaha 😂😂😂😂😂

ouffffff, pooo baniiiii parvatiiiii. matlab jaise 20 years of sanskaari star plus bahus’ bhoot ek saath ghus gayi ho iske andar. 🙄🙄🙄

lmaooooo his face at being called a “2 rs cheapda husband” 😂😂😂

“pehenti ho ya… pehnaoon main?”/“khud pehenogi ya mujhe pehnana padega?”

oh hot dayuuuuummmmm. 😧😧😧

such a bittersweet callback to the last time he said this - the day they got married, when he forced her into tia’s joda. how far they’ve come since then. 😌😌😌

also, a reminder that the more things change, the more they stay the same. 😂😂😂

I’M SORRY I JUST CAN’T STOP LAUGHING AT HOW HAPPY/EXCITED HE LOOKS. THIS STUPID ADORABLE BOYYYYYYYY. 😚😚😚

god this ridiculous comedyyyy musicccc. we get it, it’s funny. no need to go SO over the top with the audio cues. 🙄🙄🙄

also lord, that… thing… is so ugly. 😟😟😟

maybe next time, just get her a voucher shivaay. you clearly can’t be trusted to shop for anything but 10 crore ke kangan. 😕😕😕

LMAO BILLU, LIKE, IS *THIS* THE HILL YOU WANNA DIE ON? GETTING HER TO WEAR THIS STUPIDASS THING? PEHENEGI BHI TOH WAISE BHI 5 MINUTE MEIN NIKAAL KE PHENKNA HI TOH HAI. FOCUS ON THE ACTUAL GOAL, YOU FUCKING IDIOT.  😂😂😂

did she just… run OUT OF THE ROOM, looking like that???? lord above.😣😣😣

billu doesn’t look too displeased though. aaaaah love. 😌😌😌

ouffff, justttt send the pics to whoeverrr you’re going to, aur khatam karo siyaapa. awaiiiii ka time waste. 😒😒😒

also this is soooo clearly anika’s old house. matlab, do they just have this one set for all non-oberoi mansion locations???? 😕😕😕

note: she’s back to their first meeting waala outfit. the last time she wore this was the morning after daksh tried to murder her, and these two made a fresh start to their marriage. interesttttttting. meaning today marks another new phase to their marriage as well. will it be a good phase, or is it the beginning of the endddd???? 🤔🤔🤔

good vibes only, lord. i can’t stand more sadness in my life rn. 😞😞😞

“kal raat ki apni embarrassment calculate kar rahi ho?” lmaooooooooooo this snarky little shit. 😂😂😂

also, did she not come back to the room after running away??? where did she sleep??? 🤔🤔🤔

an image of her sleeping between gauri and omkara just came to me and now i can’t stop lol-ing. 😂😂😂😂😂

he’s soooooo fucking cute whenever he asks her what she’s up to. genuinely interested/amused by this crazyass girl and her daily antics. 😚😚😚

“raja bete, bibbe munde, sundar bachche” 😂😂😂

why is there a half abandoned mehendi pattern on her hand? it looks really weird. 😬😬😬

ok i never thought there’d be someone more awful than me at math, but thank god for anika. she makes me feel so much better about myself. 😌😌😌

… is this a thing for world environmental day or something? like… what’s the point of this randomass conversation about water consumption? 😑😑😑

“aur tum, jo mujhpe paani phenk phenk kar kitnaaa paani waste karti ho." 

lololol. way to turn the tables, billu. 😆😆😆

ughhhhhhhh, he’s too cute. just too fucking adorable.  💖💖💖💖💖

ughhhhhh, fuckkkkkk offfff pinkyyy, you fucking dementor. 😡😡😡

stop it anika. you’re scaring my bechaara billu. 😭😭😭😭😭

oh, this idiot is back home. 🙄🙄🙄

not that anyone particularly cares. ab toh shaadi bhi ho gayi, paraya dhan and all that. oberois have washed their hands of her, mentally. 😐😐😐

oh gooood, billu knows something’s bothering anika. 😌😌😌

god the outfits for tomorrow fill me with such intense rage, ke kya bataaaon. not only are they eye-bleedingly ugly, it reminds me of the whole nakuul’s shitty insta caption BS. don’t even wanna watch tomorrow’s ep. 😡😡😡

also, why is everyone shocked? do i even want to know? 😕😕😕

i bet she went and brought mahi ve. 😐😐😐

[fantasysuiteleague]

Week 2 Recap: The Three Ds

Is it just me or does it always seems like The Bachelorette gets a shitty draw of contestants? Each year there are at most 3 guys I would take home to meet my parents, maybe one worth actually marrying, and the rest are all that terrible guy you see on TV and hope you never meet in real life. They only care about themselves and what makes them look good or what will get them the most screen time. This season, with its new colors and Blachelorette, is no different. At most we’ve added an extra amount of swagger, but with that swagger comes an added level of douchebaggery that leaves a bad taste in your mouth. 

D is for Doggo

This episode highlighted 3 of the worst people we’ve met since Chad, and one precious angel who is too pure to be around any of this mess. That’s right, I’m talking about Copper. That precious baby with the broken toe who stole Bachelor Nation’s heart. Not only did he get his own limo entrance, but he also went on the first and best 1-on-1 date of the season, accompanying Rachel and Peter to a DOG PARTY. I can’t say I paid much attention to Rachel and Peter, as I was focused solely on Copper and all the ways I could pet him and be his best friend.

The only thing I took away from the 1-on-1 date was that Peter and Rachel bonded over the gap in their teeth, and that Rachel doesn’t seem to mind that Peter is dead in the eyes. Something’s off about him, but it looks like he’ll stick around for awhile so I’ll come back to him when the meat isn’t as fresh.

D is for Douchebags

The first group date of the season is very on-brand for the Bachelorette: a low key picnic with ... an obstacle course and celebrity sighting. The picnic is set up in what I assume to be a vacant lot three spaces down from the Bachelor mansion, where everyone takes turns grilling and playing touch football. Right off the bat it’s hard not to focus on the douche of the century, Whaboom. Everything he does is for attention. He pushes other guys around so he can be the “first” to say hi to Rachel, he obnoxiously dances around the football, shouts constantly, and even picks Rachel up at one point and spins her around like a Disney Princess. It’s not hard to see that Lucas is, in the words of Blake: garbage. The other guys question his personality traits and whether he’s here for the right reasons simply because he is TERRIBLE.  He’s not even trying to fight with anyone, he’s just being himself, which is absolute garbage. Fun fact: My friend was in the same frat as Whaboom at Berkley and said that he is, hands down, the absolute worst person he has ever met in his life—next to his twin brother.  That’s right, there are two of these assholes. 

He also told me that Lucas was constantly trying to be the center of attention and was always making loud obnoxious jokes or trying to steal the stage but NO ONE thought he was funny. Some quick sleuthing on the interwebs brought me to his IMDB page, which honestly says it all. I mean, a 2012 Spanish dating show? God what a fucking loser. But his “rival” Blake is no better, and we need to unpack both of these shitty bags of garbage to really get down to their trash core. In a voice-over, Blake mentions that he knows Whaboom and is the only person that can “ruin this” for him. Well first of all, Whaboom doesn’t need anyone’s help ruining anything. Second, Blake knows the true garbage nature of Whaboom because they were both on a trashy reality TV dating show hosted by Carmen Electra. Yep, that’s right. Garbage, meet Garbage. Oh, you already met on the Ex-Isle? Perfect. Let’s skip the pleasantries, and the entire obstacle course while we’re at it. That way we can also skip over Blake whining the entire time that Lucas is cheating and not following directions, and Lucas winning then attempting to get Ashton Kutcher to yell “whaboom.” To literally everyone’s relief, Ashton politely passes on the offer, as he should have with My Boss’s Daughter / Just Married / Killers / basically all movies he’s ever done.

No really, name a good Ashton Kutcher movie. You can’t, because there are none. Anyway, since Whaboom won the competition he got the first 1-on-1 time with Rachel. Blake takes this opportunity to let everyone know that, to the extent they hadn’t figured it out yet, Whaboom is a douchebag. Blake, it is the first fucking week. Chill the fuck out man. When Lucas gets back to the perfectly stirred pot, he’s confronted with the question of our generation: how do you identify yourself? The correct answer, of course, was garbage, but we would have also accepted trash. Speaking of trash, Blake continues his crusade against Whaboom by informing Rachel that, to the extent she is both blind and deaf, Lucas is just a clown here for TV exposure. Like any guy NOT trying to get TV exposure, Blake then goes and tells Lucas that he just spent his time with Rachel letting her know that Whaboom is wearing makeup and is here for the wrong reasons. 

At this point it’s pretty clear that Blake is also here for the wrong reasons and obsessed with Lucas, who may or may not be totally wasted. It’s hard to tell, because he’s just that terrible. In the end, Whaboom walks away the winner of this confrontation after he tells Blake he’s going to do “him” and that Blake is “dismissed.” Point, Garbage. I can’t really tell you what else happened on this date due to the overpowering stench of Garbage, but everyone else was so boring that the 20-year-old Ricky Fowler look alike, Dean, got the group date rose. Good for you, Dean.

D is for Drama

The second group date the guys get a considerably better draw with a game of pick up basketball monitored by Kareem Abdul Jabar. DeMario is the focus of this date, which I wanted to attribute to his charisma fuckboi charm and casual ability to dunk a basketball. But something doesn’t feel right about this spotlight and even though deep down I know why, I think and hope that maybe, just maybe, it’s not him. It’s like when you’re watching a Law & Order SVU episode and it’s definitely the dad, but it feels way too obvious to actually be the dad, so instead you convince yourself its the neighbor but like, it was always the dad.  It was always DeMario. Always. You don’t get this kind of attention in a group date when there are previews of a scorned lover confronting her man unless it’s your scorned lover. Enter Lexi, the girl who DeMario was allegedly fucking days before he went on ATFR and met Rachel. Before she even opened her mouth I could tell from her eyebrows that this girl was trash and was ready to shamelessly take down the Big D. The build up to this drama is great. After being summoned by Rachel, DeMario is convinced he’s getting the rose and walks gleefully back into the gym talking about what he learned playing the game until he saw cash me ousside girl waiting for him.

DeMario’s face quickly goes from happy to freaked out to “confused.” He immediately launches into fuckboi defensive mode and makes a series of moves that only digs him deeper into the pit of despair.

Move 1: Pretend like you have no idea who this girl is and that you’ve never seen her before. Obviously this is NOT the right way to go, but you have to give him partial credit if only because I would also deny knowing (let alone fucking) someone that trashy. This obviously doesn’t work as she’s tracked him down, so it’s on to the next move.

Move 2: This girl is fucking crazy, and we met “many many times ago.” Um, what? Thankfully Rachel is smarter than to buy into the “she’s crazy” excuse that’s constantly applied to women by the patriarchy. Instead, she asks for clarification on what “many times ago” means, and at this point the Big D starts to sweat.

Move 3: Claim that this is personal stuff that we should handle off-camera. This was an obvious misstep that sent Lexi into a rage about unanswered text messages and fucking her 2 days before he went on ATFR. Rachel keeps it classy, however, pointing out that this is also her personal life so DeMario really needs to explain himself.

Move 4: Admit he dated her, but claim that he broke up with her because she was “too much” to handle, circling back to the old “she’s crazy” thesis. DeMario tries to suggest that he broke up with Lexi face to face, but then Lexi starts shouting about how he still has her keys... 

Move 5: Keys? What keys? I don’t  have your keys..... Oh, wait. I actually mailed them back to you. As if this mother fucker has ever been to the post office. At this point DeMario has to know that he’s totally fucked and should probably just leave before he says anything else. But he doesn’t. Instead, he continues trying to downplay what Lexi is saying until finally Rachel tells him he’s not making any sense and she just wants to know when was the last time he saw Lexi.

Check: Lexi stops swearing on her kittens’ lives long enough to offer up the receipts to prove not just her side of the story, but the exact date and time when Demario was last in and out of her...apartment. Before Rachel accepts any documents into evidence, she gives DeMario one last chance to say literally anything that isn’t a lie and asks if the dates on Lexi’s phone will match his story or hers....

Move 6: It depends on the dates...

Checkmate: Finally at the end of her rope, Rachel takes Lexi’s phone (which I imagine smells like cigarettes) and reads the standard fuckboi texts we all knew DeMario sent. Rachel calmly informs DeMario that she is not here to be played or to be made a joke of, so he can get the fuck out.

In the aftermath of the DeMario drama everyone starts whispering about how DeMario was obviously not there for the right reasons when, in reality, they are all there for the same reason: fame. DeMario was just sloppier about it. The remaining guys on the date all use this as an opportunity to let Rachel know they’re there “for her” and will “protect her” from this kind of behavior. Josiah flexes his protection muscles the most with his... creepy side eye stare and ends up getting the group date rose. We don’t get too far into the cocktail party before the ghost of DeMario comes knocking at the gates of The Bachelor mansion to prove once and for all that D is for determination dumbass.

Did you notice . . .

Ashton knew when he “first saw” Mila that they would get married ... after he married Demi Moore and played dad for a few years, of course.

“This is not a show. When I want to turn it on, I turn it off. When I want to turn it off, I turn it off.” - ummm that’s a show, Lucas.

Curious that Lucas and Blake hate each other so much yet look like pals in this picture from 2016....(also, the hastags...)

“I check my mailbox every day.” - Lexi, lol.

OF COURSE her name is Lexi with an I.

I could do without Alex’s singing, especially as it’s likely a trigger for the Russian Manchurian Candidate, Jared Kushner.

Minority Report: The most embarrassing part of the whole DeMario saga is that before the Bachelorette he was dating white trash like Lexi.