#Multiple-chapters | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jamiethebee · 10 days ago

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Harvest

My piece for ecto-implosion 2024!

I was partnered up with @tsubaki94 who did three whole lovely artworks, so go check them out here! (x)

(The AO3 Link (X) : broken up into smaller chapters rather than this one big guy)

25,252 words

Danny rubbed his foot around in the dirt, watching the small dust cloud billow up and hang there.

“Well come on, I’ll show you where you’re staying for the next few months.” Alicia turned around and started walking off.

“Wait!” Danny bent to pick up his bags and rushed to catch up to his aunt, “I thought that you lived in the cabin?” He looked over at the cabin he spotted through the trees.

Alicia glanced back at Danny. She sighed, “I do. You don’t.”

Danny frowned. “I won’t? Then where will I be staying?”

Side stepping a bush, Alicia grumbled, “you’ll see.”

They moved through the brush, dodging branches and stepping around roots and detritus on the ground. It was hot and humid and Danny was starting to feel sticky, carrying his bags with him through it all. The birds around them quieted as they approached and then started up again once they left. A gentle slope turned into a steeper incline and Danny quietly wondered how much longer they were going to take. He really hoped Alicia wasn’t just taking him in a circle in some sadistic test to see how long he’d last before complaining. Or murder him. It wasn’t likely, but Danny didn’t know his grumpy aunt well enough to rule it out either. Probably not though. Maybe.

As they made their way up, Danny smelled a change in the air. He arched his neck around Alicia to try to see what the cause was, but quickly moved his head back and away from a sudden branch flying in his face. Just as Danny was weighing the benefits of asking for a break, the ground leveled out, and Danny got his first glimpse of the farm.

Golden strands of wheat waved in the slight breeze, stretching farther than Danny thought he’d see. In the distance, taller stalks formed a different swath. Alicia stepped out of the trees and onto a path that edged the fields. Following Alicia, Danny realized the smell had gotten stronger. “Huh,” Danny thought. He leaned over, closer to the stalks. Yep, the fields were definitely the source of the smell. Turning back to Alicia, he looked down the path and stepped next to his aunt to walk side by side. They seemed to be close to the edge and Danny could see a couple of structures in the distance.

“These are the wheat fields,” Alicia said. “My farm grows two kinds, spring and winter wheat. This here is the spring wheat; it’ll be part of what you’ll be helping to take care of on the farm.”

“Oh. What else will I be doing?”

Alicia looked down at him, “We’ll see.”

Danny winced and looked ahead again. “Am I staying in one of those cabins ahead of us?”

Alicia huffed, “Sure will. I’ve got a farmhand that helps out - sometimes stays in one of the cabins, sometimes travels back and forth from here to town. You’ll be meeting him later.”

“I didn’t realize there would be anyone else here.”

“Well sure, ya think I can take care of a farm like this all by myself? It’s a lot of work. Course, if one of my hands didn’t leave me in the middle of the season, I wouldn’t have let Maddie send you here at all.” Alicia looked down at him, “My farm’s no place to goof around. We all have jobs around here and we all have to do them.” She leveled a sharp look at Danny, “Understand? Just because you’re my sister’s kid doesn’t mean you aren’t responsible for pulling your own weight.”

Danny looked away, “Yeah. I get it. Don’t worry, Mom already told me.” More like lectured me to behave, Danny thought.

Alicia huffed. “Well, just keep that in mind.” They walked the rest of the way down the path in silence.

As they neared the first cabin they could hear a bark, “That’s Skip. He usually follows me around or hangs around the animals. Good for keeping most unwelcome visitors away.”

Danny looked out and around excitedly, “you have a dog?”

Climbing up the cabin steps to pull open the door, Alicia said “yeah, but he’s a working dog, so don’t go bothering him.”

Once Danny stepped in, Alicia followed, closing the door behind him. Sunlight streamed in through high set windows, illuminating the space. At one end there was a bed on a simple frame, a dresser next to it, and enough space for a chair and small table.

“This is where you’ll be staying. Got the place to yourself, though there isn’t much to begin with. The toilet is the outhouse in between these two cabins, unless you really want to head down to bother me for mine.”

Danny gulped, feeling a little intimated. “Got it – outhouse.”

“Yeah well, I’ll leave you to get settled in here and then I’ll come grab you for dinner. Most meals will be down in my cabin, since it has the kitchen. That said, you can bring food up here, but I don’t recommend it. Racoons and the like will try to break in if they smell it up here.”

Danny nodded, looking around. “Anything else?”

“You’d be best to wear boots if you’ve got them starting tomorrow, but for now? Make sure the cabin door latches correctly when you leave or it’ll swing open. That’s a great way to invite little rodents to make their home in here or to take a shit on the floor at the least.” Alicia looked over the cabin once, “Fer now, settle in and I’ll come get you when it’s time.” Alicia opened the cabin door and left Danny alone with his thoughts.

Stepping over to the bed, he set his suitcases down and sat between them. The bed let out a soft wheeze, but otherwise stayed firm. It was more of a cot than a proper mattress, but that didn’t faze Danny. He was looking to get shipped back to Amity Park as soon as he could anyway. Dust motes danced around him. The cabin was quite small. But at least Danny didn’t see any spiderwebs or droppings. ‘Small mercies’ Danny thought. Pulling out the older PDA gifted to him by Tucker, Danny tried to see if he could pick up a signal to send back to his friends. Waving his arm in the air didn’t do much. No signal. Sighing, Danny put the PDA down behind the suitcases and leaned back on his hands.

Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, he could smell the dust in the air, hear the rustling of leaves on the trees, and the faint sounds of animals. He didn’t know why his parents thought he needed to get away from Amity Park for the second half of the summer, but Danny was annoyed. He spent the first half of the summer trapped in summer school, and no sooner did he have the freedom to spend time with Tucker and Sam, than his parents and Jazz decided to send him off. Between more ghosts showing up and causing problems, and his parents paying more attention to him now that Jazz was off at college, Danny had felt like he hadn’t had a moment to himself during the school year. Any extra time he used to have was taken up by his parents dragging him into the GAV to hunt down ghosts and talk about what he planned to do after high school. Danny had been looking forward to vegging out on the couch and running around the mall with Sam and Tucker instead of what? Shoveling dirt? Or watering plants? Or whatever. Danny wasn’t sure what would be expected from him this summer, but his mom made it clear that he was supposed to help his aunt with minimal complaint. Danny let his arms give out so he could fall back onto the bed.

He didn’t know what to expect here, but he knew that back in Amity the ghosts would be having a great time wreaking havoc with one less capable ghost hunter there to kick them back into the Ghost Zone. At least Valerie had enough of a truce with Phantom now to be convinced to empty the ghosts back into the portal instead of handing them over to be subjected to the latest experiment his parents cooked up. Danny closed his eyes. Even thinking about what he would be returning to at the end of summer back in Amity Park was enough to exhaust him and before he knew it, he drifted off to sleep.

A short rap on the door woke Danny up, and he got up, threw a glance at his still unopened suitcases, and walked to the cabin door, pulling it open. “Oh,” Danny said. It wasn’t Alicia at the door like he was expecting.

“Hey, you must Alicia’s nephew?” the mystery man asked.

“Uuuh yeah,” Danny rubbed the back of his neck trying to work out the crick that he put there by falling asleep cockeyed on the bed. “And you are- ?”

The man laughed, “Aaah, figures that Alicia wouldn’t have told ya. I’m here to take you to dinner, I’ll tell ya about myself on the way.”

Danny eyed the man, dressed in a button down shirt, blue jeans, boots, and a hat - he certainly looked like he worked on a farm. Stepping out of the cabin, and making sure that the latch took, Danny walked after the guy as he led Danny to a dirt path off to the side of the cabins. “I’m Will, no it ain’t short for nuthin. Down this path,” he gestured, “takes you straight to tha boss’ place – and coincidentally dinner.” Will let out a barking laugh and continued. “I’ve been working here for a few years now. Actually, for most of my life. Worked here during the summers in between school for Tish and Dick back when they ran the place. Later, when I realized city life didn’t agree with me, I came back and started working here full-time. Alicia took over when they passed and she’s a bit gruff, but just as smart as her ma in running the place.”

“Oh, last time I was here, Alicia mentioned the women in the family being smart,” Danny said offhandedly as he looked around the woods.

Will hummed, “darn right they are, never met a smarter bunch. The town was real glad when Alicia moved back, and I think they’re still a bit sad her sister – yer ma – never came back.” Danny could feel Will’s gaze on him, “when were ya here last, by the way?”

“Uh,” Danny said, looking over at Will, “uuh must’ve been a year and half ago? Roughly? It was only a short trip. My mom came down for Aunt Alicia’s divorce party and my sister and I dropped in to make sure my dad had my mom’s anniversary present. That’s a bit of a long story, but we were only here for a day.”

“Aaah,” said Will, “makes sense. I usually take a trip to the next town over to see my brother’s kids around that time. Wouldn’t have seen ya and Alicia ain’t a big blabber if it’s not about the farm.”

Danny didn’t have much to say to that, so he looked ahead to the path, which had started curving away. Coming around the bend, Danny could see Alicia’s cabin through the trees and realized that Alicia could have chosen to take this path up when Danny was carrying his suitcases. His mood soured as they kept walking. Getting to the end of the path, and out of the trees, Danny noticed a small building behind the cabin. Maybe he could ask Alicia what it was for?

Will walked up to the cabin door and knocked, before opening and sticking his head in, “Heya Boss, got the kid. Anythin’ ya need help with?”

“You two better wash your hands ‘fore ya even think about touching food.” Without turning around, she kept stirring the pot on the stove.

“Yes ma’am,” Will said, before turning around to Danny behind him, “Follow me.” And he walked into the cabin, heading around a wall to another door inside.

Danny glanced around the cabin as he stepped in. Nothing much had changed since the last time he was here. He heard water running and looked back around to Will, who was washing his hands in the small bathroom sink. Waiting for his turn, he looked around. There was a picture or two on a table along with a radio, a small couch and chair, and a little fireplace. But no TV. Danny frowned, resigning himself to a very boring summer.

“Alrighty,” Will said, hanging up the towel, “your turn kid,” and he walked off around the corner to the kitchen.

Danny stepped in, noting the indoor toilet and shower that wasn’t in his cabin, and washed his hands. By the time he got back out, Alicia and Will were outside setting down the final dishes on the wooden picnic table.

“Ah there you are Danny, we’ve got everything out here, come join us,” Alicia called him over.

Jumping down the stairs, Danny walked over to the table and took a seat next to Will. Alicia may be his aunt, but he felt more comfortable with Will from the short walk over than he did with her. A stack of bowls, a pot, and some bread on a plate got his attention.

Watching Alicia and Will grab bowls and dish out stew, Danny grabbed the last bowl and did so himself once the ladle was free. Grabbing a piece of bread, he started dunking it in. Watching Alicia and Will eat, he took a bite. Danny made a surprised noise.

Alicia looked over to him, “Surprised?”

Danny nodded and swallowed his bite, “a lot better than I was expecting.”

Alicia laughed, “I’ll take it that my sister still ain’t much of a cook if you think that.”

Danny sheepishly laughed, “Mom’s cooking is alright.” How could Danny explain that most of the stuff in their fridge sat next to ectoplasm and that no matter how well the containers were sealed, most of the time, the food tasted slightly off from spending time in there? He elected to stay silent.

Alicia hummed in response as she ate another bite of stew. The rest of dinner passed quietly, and soon the sounds of bowls being scrapped clean echoed in the little clearing.

Alicia leaned back, waiting for Danny to finish. Will took out a little pipe, tapping down the tobacco and lighting it. Danny wrinkled his nose at the smell as he finished his bowl and straightened. “That was really good Aunt Alicia,” Danny said.

Alicia grinned, sharp and wide, “glad you thought so. Will, you can head back up, Danny here is going to help me with the dishes tonight.”

“Are ya sure?” Will asked.

“Yea, we’ve got some things to talk about anyway,” Alicia narrowed her eyes at her nephew.

Danny felt a chill run down his spine, unrelated to the waning light.

“Alright,” Will said, standing, “I guess I’ll be going then. Night Alicia, night Danny.”

“Night Will,” Alicia said.

“Goodnight Will,” Danny called out as Will walked back to the path they came down.

“Well,” Alicia started, “Grab the dishes and follow me in.” She stood up and grabbed the pot, heading back to her cabin.

Danny stood up, piled the bowls and spoons together in a neat pile, and walked in after Alicia.

“There ain’t no dishwasher in this old cabin, so we’ll be doing everything by hand.” Alicia plugged half the sink and started the tap. “I’ll let you rinse and dry the dishes.” Danny set the bowls off to the side of the sink and walked around her.

After filling up the sink sides, Alicia took the pan and started soaping it up. “So, Danny,” Alicia started. “Um, well, Maddie,” she cleared her throat. “Yer ma seemed worried about you. Anything I should know about? Since you’ll be working on my farm and all.”

Danny shoulders inched towards his ears. “No, nothing. I didn’t need to get out of Amity.” He scowled at the pot Alicia was cleaning.

“Hmmm,” Alicia replied, methodically working around the inside. “I never knew my sister to be a worrier, but I won’t pry. So long as you don’t bring any strangers or trouble around it’s not really my business.”

Danny’s shoulders relaxed some as he took the pot from Alicia and rinsed it off before setting it in the dish rack to start drip drying. The rest of the dishes passed quickly in the silence and as Danny was drying the last bowl, Alicia walked off around the corner.

Danny closed the last cupboard as Alicia came back around with a large fabric bag. “I don’t want to keep you up for much longer, but we’ve got some housekeeping to deal with first.” She held out the bag towards Danny. He took it. “First off, my cabin has the only shower. The only rules are to not use it when I’m sleeping and to clean up after yourself. I mean pick up your towels and hang them to dry over your cabin porch railing. I’ve got a standing unit in the back.” At Danny’s scrunched eyebrows, she sighed. “A washing machine,” she strode to the cabin door. Heading down the steps, she called back, “You saw the structure behind the cabin?”

“Uuuh, yeah,” Danny said, walking behind her.

“Well, the machine’s in there. We don’t got a dryer, instead,” Alicia pointed up at a line stretching from her cabin to a tree. “There’s a bag inside with clothespins. You’ll hang up your clothes after the washer gets done. I recommend getting up in the mornings and starting them so that they have the whole day to dry on the line. But that’s just me.” Turning back around she said, “well, I think that’s most everything. I’ve got a bell I’ll ring to let y’all know when food’s ready. I expect you to finish whatever you’re up to and to get down here when you hear that bell. Either you’re on time or you don’t eat. There’s too much to do around here to wait around.” She looked down at him as the sun finished setting, the orange glow around them the last remnant of the day. Her face softened some, “before I send you back to get some sleep, any questions?”

Danny shook his head, “Naw, laundry out back, shower inside, don’t bother you with either. I think I’ve got it all.”

“Good.” Alicia and Danny stood there for a moment. “Well,” Alicia cleared her throat, “I’ll uh, see you tomorrow mornin then. Night kid,” and turned to walk back to her cabin.

Danny stood there for a moment before sighing and making his way back to the path.

_______

Danny woke up to knocking on the door and sunlight on his face.

Knock knock knock echoed through the cabin and Danny squished his eyelids together even tighter. “Come on, get up boy, you don’t have time to lay around.”

Danny turned his head into his pillow and groaned. He spent long enough last night putting away his clothes and getting used to the small cabin that he fell asleep at a time that, had he been back in Amity, would have been early and yet here was late, based on how groggy he felt. Unrested.

Knock knock bang, “don’t think I won’t come in there kid,” Alicia warned.

Danny let out another groan before turning his head and calling out, “Alright, I’ll be out in a minute.”

Something that sounded like “too long” came from the door before footsteps started walking down the cabin steps. Quickly getting ready – jeans, shirt, and unfortunately, FentonWorks patented hazmat boots, Danny pushed open the door, hopping a little to finish getting the second boot on. He jumped down the stairs, making his way to Aunt Alicia, who was leaning against a tree.

“Well, 56 seconds ain’t bad kid, but come on. You’re following me around for the day.” She pushed off and started walking, “I assume you don’t have any experience working a farm?”

Danny shook his head, “no ma’am.”

Alicia snorted, “none of that ma’am business, call me Alice.”

“I thought your name was Alicia though?”

Opening a little gate, Alicia whistled and then beckoned Danny through before latching it, “Sure is, but yer ma and me had our Grandma Alicia, so family started calling me by Alice.” Walking off to a small building further back, she continued, “But enough of that, we’ve got a long day. You can ask if you have questions, but do your best to pay attention.” With that, she opened the door to a cacophony of clucking that quickly died down. Danny stepped in after her, and as his eyes adjusted he saw the inside of a coop. Two rows of chicken nests on either wall, with hens either standing around Alicia or sitting. Once they spied Danny hiding behind her though, they started squawking again and rushed forward, wings flapping and feathers fluffed. Danny started backing away before a hand pushed on his back and a bucket was shoved into his chest. Quickly grabbing it, Danny looked down at a bunch of seed and –

“OW!” Danny yelped as he started hopping from one foot to another, hens trying to peck away at the new intruder.

“Walk out, they’re just not used to you is all,” and Alicia shooed him out of the coop.

‘Fuck’ Danny frowned, not quite running away from the coop and wishing he could’ve used his intangibility to get away from the chickens. Alicia laughed at him as the hens kept pace around Danny’s ankles, lunging forward to peck at him. “How do I get them to stop?” Danny yelled.

“Jump the fence!”

Danny ran back to the gate and hopped over it with a little help from his ghost side to land a few steps away from the chickens.

Bwaack Squak Sqwauk!!

Danny looked up at Alicia who offered an unapologetic, “Sorry. I forgot.”

Squinting at the slightly amused look on his aunt’s face, Danny scowled, “Did you do that on purpose?”

“No idea what ya mean kid. Anyway, for now you can toss some feed in, but otherwise wait out there. I’ll explain what I did when I get back out to you.” Alicia grabbed a basket hanging outside the coop door and walked back inside.

Danny glared down at the chickens who were still protesting his presence. “What.”

“Squuuuawk!” was the response back.

Danny sighed and looked down at the bucket in his hands. It had some seeds and other things mixed in. Looking back up at the chickens staring at him, Danny slowly raised a hand, “I’m going to throw some seeds in. Please don’t scream at me for it,” and he reached a hand in. No sooner did Danny close his hand around some feed, then one of the hens decided to start flapping its wings again to cause a fuss. Danny jumped and glared at the chicken. Out of spite, Danny reached back in and with a handful of feed, overhand chucked it into the coop yard. Sticking his tongue out at the chickens that refused to let him out of their sight, Danny took another step back. He couldn’t wait till his parents’ summer banishment was over and he could go back to Amity Park.

Alicia stepped out of the coop with the basket and walked over to a trough sitting in the yard. After looking down, she gave a quick nod, and then started heading to the gate. Where the chickens were still standing. Glaring at Danny.

“Uuuh,” Danny said, “Do you have a plan on getting close enough to take this bucket back?”

“Sure do,” Alicia said, coming up to the gate, “step closer and hand it over.”

Eyes never leaving the chickens, Danny inched his way closer to Alicia and when he was close enough, thrust out the bucket towards her. “Do they hate everyone?” He asked.

Alicia took the bucket, “Nope. Not me,” and laughing, walked back to the coop.

“Great, real reassuring,” Danny grumbled to her back.

Once Alicia finished up inside the coop, and with a basket of eggs in hand, she walked back out of the enclosure to Danny. “Noticed how I whistled before?” Danny nodded. “I was warning the chickens that I was coming in. It’s how I let them know it’s me and not a stranger.” She grinned. “Not that it helped you any.”

Danny looking away, glaring.

Alicia paused for a moment, “Well, no matter.” She started walking to another log structure. “I want you to figure out what signal you’re gonna give the chickens and start visiting them in the mornings. Just so they get used to you. We don’t want to upset them too much, so they need to start recognizing you.” Walking up to the much larger barn, she opened the doors. Danny was hit with the smell of animals and he scrunched up his nose, coughing.

Alice looked back at him and laughed, “Well, you’ll get used to the smell soon enough. Anyway, this is where we’ve got the rest of the animals. Some pigs, cows, sheep - used to have a horse, but once we switched to using the tractor and truck full time, and old age killed her off, it didn’t make sense to get another. But that was a number of years ago at this point. I think ya mom and me were still kids then.”

Danny’s eyes finished adjusting to the inside and he saw the animals in their stalls. The cows looked over at him, but it was one brave pig that snuffled up to Danny. “Oh,” Danny said, crouching down. “Cute.” Reaching out a hand, Danny tried to pet the pig, which quickly moved away and waddled back to its stall area.

Danny caught Alicia’s smile as he stood back up. “Pat’s rather friendly, but I wouldn’t recommend getting too attached.” She gestured over to the far wall, “I usually open up the barn during the day, let the animals wander around. Before that though,” she bent down to grab a stool. “There’s some tasks to get done.”

Alicia made her way to one of the cows and picked up a stool and a steel bucket hanging up on the post. She turned back around to Danny, “Yer gonna learn how to milk the cows here. We usually fill up the pail and then transfer them to bottles. We get too much milk to use ourselves, so neighbors will come and pick up some bottles from time to time.” She set the stool down with the pail on top, then moved to the larger cow. Going around to the back of the stall, she unlooped a short rope and tied it around the cow’s neck. “This old gal here is Gully.” Alice jerked her chin to other stall, “and our younger one is Lass.” Alicia walked back out of the stall to move the stool and bucket closer.

“What’s the rope for Aunt Alice?” Danny asked.

“Oh,” Alice said, setting down the stool and pail at Gully’s side. Sitting down, she said, “just to keep her in place. Gully doesn’t move as much as Lass will, but she’s used to the rope. Either way, it lets her know it’s her turn. Here,” Alice beckoned Danny over. "Now here’s how you milk a cow.”

After the early morning of getting food to the animals, collecting the eggs, and milking the cows, Alice led Danny back down to her cabin. Going inside for a minute, Alice came out with a cup of water for Danny. “I’m gonna check on the oatmeal and cook up a few eggs for us. I want you to walk around the woods down here while I finish up breakfast.”

“Alright,” Danny said. “And uuuh, I’ll hear the bell when it’s time to come back?”

Alice chuckled, “Ha - yeah, you’ll hear it. Remember – don’t dawdle when you hear it, come straight back.”

Danny downed the cup of water in one go and nodded, setting down the now empty glass on the table. “Will do.” Danny started walking off and he heard the creak of the cabin door. Just as he was about to exit the clearing, Alicia yelled back, “And don’t step on my rhubarb!”

Danny walked around a bush, ducking underneath a tree limb, “Ok!” and almost ran into a large leafed plant. He tilted his head. Squinted.

‘I don’t actually know what rhubarb looks like,’ he thought. Danny shrugged and moved around it anyway. Walking further into the woods he felt the temperature drop some as shade took over. Standing still, Danny realized how quiet it was. No cars, no honking, no rushing of traffic in the distance. Instead, there was the rustle of leaves and the occasional bird call. He breathed in and out. Quiet, and it smelled like the earth. He looked around. A chipmunk scampered up a far off tree. Danny started picking his way through the bushes, tree roots, and other obstacles as he walked further in.

Danny looked back, and not seeing anyone, did his best to walk in a circle with Alicia’s cabin in the center. He almost tripped a few times, before remembering that he could use his intangibility to easily get through the plants without crushing any. ‘Problem solved. I can’t step on anything if I do this.’ Without having to pick his way in between and around foliage, Danny’s pace picked up as he walked the area. Coming up to what he assumed was near the back side of the cabin, Danny heard a sharp piercing bell echo around. Danny jumped. It was much louder than he thought it would be, especially through the trees. He started walking back, and spied Will coming in and out of view. Danny had gone farther than he thought and hurried up. Just before he popped out of the trees, he dropped his intangibility and walked out behind Will onto the dirt path. “Hey Will!” Danny greeted.

Will whipped his head around, “Oh! Geee-zuuus kid. Where’d you come from?”

Danny came up alongside Will, “the woods. Alice showed me around the animals this morning, then had me walk around for a bit.”

Will nodded. “Makes sense. You see her rhubarb patch?”

Danny grimaced, “Uuuh maybe?”

“You don’t know what they look like, do ya?”

Danny shook his head, “Not really.” After a moment of hesitation, Danny asked, “what do they look like?”

“Oh well, you’ll know it when you see it. Got these big leafs on them. Actually, she’s started a new patch of them in her actual garden. Not hard to spot, there’s about 6 of them? Started a year or two back to grow them in a different spot. Real finicky things, they don’t like it down here, but I suppose Alicia likes ‘em well enough that she takes the time to baby the things. Me personally, I don’t like ‘em all that much, wouldn’t bother putting in tha’ much effort.” Popping out of the trees, Will waved over to Alicia, getting her attention to let them know they had arrived.

Alicia looked over, “Good – kid came back with ya. I’ll finish hanging this line and then I’ll get food out.” She turned back to the laundry.

Will nodded, “understood ma’am.” He looked over and down at Danny, “We best wash our hands and start setting out dishes then.”

Getting the table set up with a small plate, bowl, and spoon for each of them, Danny grabbed the pot of oatmeal, while Will grabbed the scrambled eggs. They got them set down in time for Alicia to round the corner from the back. “Aah, thank you kindly boys. Wasn’t expecting ya both to set up, but I’m grateful.” Sitting down, she started dishing out a ladle of oatmeal for everyone and Will pushed off some eggs on each plate. Danny waited a moment for Will and Alicia to settle down and then started eating.

After breakfast, Alice once again shooed Will off to work and had Danny help her wash and put away the dishes. Putting the towel back on the oven handle, Alice turned to her nephew. “Well. We’ve got a long day ahead of us.” She glanced around. “Ya bring a water bottle with ya or anything?”

Danny furrowed his eyebrows, “Uh no.” He flushed, “I forgot to grab one when packing.”

Alicia huffed, bending down to open a lower cabinet, and rummaged around before pulling out a spare canteen. Standing up, she unscrewed the lid and looked down into it with one eye closed. “Don’t think there’s dust or nothing in there. Should work fine for ya.” She passed it off to Danny and started walking out the door. “Get it filled and I’ll see ya outside. If you need to pee, now’s the time to do it.” She walked out and left Danny in the cabin. Looking around, he didn’t see anywhere other than the sink to fill up the water. Shrugging, he got it filled up from the sink, then quickly went to the bathroom. Looping the water bottle strap around himself, he left the cabin. Making sure to latch it closed, he walked towards Alicia who had put on a wide brimmed hat and they started up the slope together.

“Soooo,” Danny said. “What’re we doing today?”

Alicia chuckled, “you’ll see. I always found it easier myself to see what someone was talking about than to just listen to someone blabber on.”

They headed back up to the animals. Walking towards the barn, Danny squinted his eyes at the change in light as they reentered. He put a hand to his mouth in an attempt to stifle a cough. Alice looked over at him, eyes crinkling. “First order of business, mucking out the stalls. I’ll do the first one, then you’ll take over, so make sure you’re watching closely.” Danny wrinkled his nose as he took his hand away and watched Alicia roll up a wheel barrow from the side. She picked up a pitchfork, and as she speared the poop, started talking.

“You’re probably familiar with the poop part of this. You want to get out all the large patties, and then go back and clean up the pissed sections.” Alicia grunted as she lifted a large chunk into the wheelbarrow. “It ain’t tricky, but sometimes the animals like to cover the patches, so you gotta make sure that you get all the spots. We want them to have clean stalls when we bring them back in this evening. Specially the cows, don’t want them to get infections or nothing.” Alicia looked over at Danny who was looking up into the loft.

“Hey!” she called, and Danny dropped his head down to look at her. “You got that?”

“Yes, Aunt Alice,” Danny rubbed the back of his neck.

Alicia narrowed her eyes at him, then continued mucking out the stall. When she finished, she handed the necessary tools over. “Your turn kid.”

Danny flushed as he grabbed at the pitchfork, “Uh yes.” He looked around before facing his aunt. “What am I doing?”

Alicia stared him down. “The next stall, boy. Get to it.”

Danny gulped and walked to the stall next to the one Alice finished. “So I just-“ and he mimed stabbing a poop patty.

Alicia raised an eyebrow and stared Danny down.

Turning back around, he prodded the pile. Standing there a moment, he shifted his stance and jerked the tines into the pile. He wiggled it in a little further. Glancing over at the wheelbarrow, he started to crouch a little, bracing against his leg, and tried to leverage the pile up. The pitchfork shook a little and Danny shifted a foot back to steady himself. He shuffled around and clumsily wiggleded the poop off and into the wheelbarrow. He looked up at Alicia. Alicia looked back into the stall then back at Danny. Figuring that was as good of a “go ahead” as he was going to get, he turned back into the stall and continued. Alicia came to stand by the stall entrance and give the occasional tip as Danny rooted around looking around for spots to clean up. Danny groaned as he finished the last spot. Rubbing his arm, he turned toward Alicia.

As he opened his mouth, Alicia cut him off, “On to the next.”

Danny shut his mouth, glowering a little, and stepped over to the next stall in line. By the time he finished with that one, Alicia had come back with additional stall bedding, spreading it out and filling in the bare spots. Danny leaned against the stall divider and opened up his bottle, taking a gulp of water. It dribbled down his chin and he wiped it off. He hung his arms over the divider as he watched Alicia. Her movements were smooth and practiced, and she was methodical, poking around and moving material, building it up in spots and thinning it out in others. Alicia stepped back, shovel planted by her side. She glanced over at Danny, not surprised to see him watching.

“Any questions?”

Danny shook his head.

“No? Well, I’ll leave you to the rest then,” and grinned at him, before leaning the shovel to the side and walking out of the barn.

Danny sighed and dropped his head for a moment. It wasn’t hard to get the gist of what he had to do, but all of them? It felt like he spent an hour just cleaning out the two he did already. Not looking forward to the rest of the day, Danny pushed off the wall to continue.

At some point, Danny noticed something watching him from the barn door. His shoulders tensed as he turned around. The shape was grounded, solid in a way that most ghosts couldn’t replicate, and Danny felt his shoulders relax some. Squinting against the bright light pouring in, he made out a fuzziness to whatever it was. As his eyes adjusted enough to see more, Danny smiled. It was a large dog, light in color except for the face and ears where the fur darkened. Just as he was about to take a step to walk over, a low bark echoed throughout the barn. Danny stopped. The dog stood up but otherwise didn’t move, keeping eyes on him.

“Hey,” Danny said. “Aunt Alice said your name was Skip?”

The dog lowered its head down, staring down Danny.

Hearing footsteps coming from outside, Danny looked up. Alice came to the entrance by Skip’s side. “Sit,” she said. Turning to Danny, “can you turn away from Skip a little?”

Crouching down, she talked to Skip for a moment, before standing up and walking towards Danny. “Alright, this is Danny.” Coming to a stop near Danny, she clapped a hand on his shoulder. “He’s going to be staying with us a while Skip.”

Skip stood up, turned away, and walked off. Alice faced Danny. “Well, that was Skip. He isn’t the most friendly to strangers, but he’ll get used to you being around eventually. Not that he hangs around us all that often. Skip spends a lot of time with the chickens, sometimes the cows or pigs depending. And you,” Alicia shook a finger at him, “will be out with the crops. Shouldn’t run into any problems with Skip, just don’t startle him.”

Danny’s face fell, “Got it.”

Alice looked around. “So, you about finished in here?”

Danny ducked his head, “eeh about that.”

Alicia sighed, “Ok. Well, once you get done with this, come find me. I’ll be around, but if you can’t find me, just give a shout.” She walked back out of the barn.

Danny sighed, hopes of having a dog crushed once again, and got back to work.

_____

Putting the tools back where Alicia grabbed them from, Danny walked out of the barn. Stepping out of the shade, his hand flew up to shade his eyes from the sudden sun. Glancing around, he didn’t see Alicia. The woods on one side, chicken area in front, barn behind, and fields on his left. Danny’s arms were aching, and he turned toward the woods.

Walking through them for a while, Danny found a downed tree and sat down on it. Head turned up to the dappled sunlight, arms stretched back, legs thrown out in front of him, he breathed deeply. He slowly built up energy in his chest, before directing the collected ectoplasm out from his fingers, through the log, and into the surrounding area. Nothing ectoplasmic echoed back through the connection and Danny slowed pulled it back, collecting and dispersing it back into himself. Once confirming there were no ghosts out there, he fully settled his weight down onto his hands.

He ignored the guilt building a home in his stomach and stayed for a few minutes, letting the sun soak into his being. Danny was starting to get warm, bordering on hot - a foreign feeling ever since his ice core fully formed. His eyelids fluttered closed and a soft breeze blew through, taking the edge of the heat off. Danny could feel his heart slowing, mind growing fuzzy, and then he toppled back off the log. His back hit the ground and the air escaped his lungs. Wheezing softly, he stayed there for a moment. Gathering breath back in his lungs, he tried to roll himself over. Picking himself up, Danny did his best to brush the dirt and leaves off his backside. Turning his attention back where he came from, he stomped his way to the farm.

Coming back up to the path around the farm, Danny spied Alicia coming up to the barn. He started jogging faster before deciding to turn invisible and fly into the barn. Setting down in a shaded corner, Danny turned visible and walked to the open doors. Looking around behind him, he double checked that everything looked alright and walked out.

Alicia was almost to the barn doors, looking back at the chickens, when Danny popped out. “Hey!” Danny called. Alicia turned around to look at Danny before sending one last glance back. Waiting for Alicia to get to the barn, Danny rocked back and forth on his heels. His arms didn’t ache as much as when he first finished, but he could still feel the shaky weakness in them. Danny flashed a smile at her as she got to him.

“So, how are you feeling? Up to walking through the fields with me?”

Danny grimaced before he could stop himself.

Alicia looked at him, “I’ll take that as a yes.” She started walking away.

“Uh.” Danny started. Alicia stopped. “I – uh – what do I do with the, uuh, poop. In the wheelbarrow?”

Alicia sighed before changing directions, walking back up and into the barn. “I’ll show ya. You’re gonna dump it in a pile out back. We let it sit and age a while before using it. Not the most glamorous, but it does the job.”

Danny followed her in and took up the handles on the wheelbarrow. Alicia led him out back, through the gated fence, and to a pile of poop. Danny wrinkled his nose. It didn’t smell as bad as he thought, but it wasn’t pleasant either. He watched Alicia pick up a shovel that was leaning against a tree nearby, and she scooped the poop out of the small wheelbarrow and onto the pile. In a minute she was done and set the shovel back down.

“As I said, not hard. Get that wheelbarrow back where I grabbed it from this morning and catch up to me. We’ve got a lot to do today.”

Danny hurried to comply and jogged to get back to Alicia who was halfway to the fields.

“Sooo,” Danny stretched out the syllable, “what’re we doing anyways? Like the plants are all planted and stuff, right?”

Alicia scoffed at him and continued walking out to the fields. Coming up to a large field of corn, she sharply turned left and kept walking alongside it.

Danny hopped a little on one leg to change direction and catch up. After a few minutes of following Alicia and looking around the area – primarily at the woods in the distance, watching a bird fly up and overhead, and trying to find some shapes in the clouds – Danny sighed. He looked over at Alicia. Tried to find another bird to watch. Looked back down. Then further down at his feet. Kicked a stray rock, causing a small dust cloud to rise up. Alicia huffed. Danny paused for a moment. Started swinging his arms back and forth. Stopped. Started humming. Stopped. Shifted his weight on every step so he bobbed and swayed along more than walked. Stopped that. Looked back up at the clouds. He could feel the sun warming the back of his neck as they went.

Alicia glanced over at him, causing Danny’s extraneous movements to still. His shoulders lifted and he ducked his head down. After another moment Alicia put her hands in her pockets. Sighed. “If Will wasn’t using the tractor to go around the farm today I would’ve taken you around in it.” She leaned over to examine some of the corn stalks they passed by. Straightening back up Alicia said to Danny, “There’s still a lot to do on the farm. We may not be primarily livestock, but crops also require a fair bit of work. We have to make sure they’re getting enough water, fertilize from time to time, spray for bugs and other diseases, weeding of course, making sure we don’t see signs of problems on the plants themselves, taking care of tractor maintenance – among other daily tasks. You’ll be out in the fields mostly. I’ll show you what needs done these first few days and then you’ll be sent off to do those tasks. Don’t worry, I’ll let you know what to focus on, but,” Alicia shrugged, “a lot of it comes down to watching and learning the first few days.”

“Oh.” Danny said. “Uh, so what kinds of plants do you grow here?” He scratched his warm neck.

Alice lifted up her hat before setting it back down, “Well, we’re a bit unusual – mostly growing feed for the livestock farms around here. Remember when you and Jazz jumped into town last year from Air Grits?”

Danny nodded, “Yeah, that was weird; drove in this time though.”

Alice lifted her eyebrows for a moment, “Yep. Bit of a hassle to drive into town though?”

Danny looked away, “Uuuh yea, the roads were kind of bumpy?”

Letting out a loud barking laugh, Alice said, “That’s one way to put it. The road up here has a lot of sections through the woods too. People here don’t drive from town to town all that often. Makes us pretty secluded, and since there's not a lot of traffic it doesn’t make much sense to put money aside to pave a more direct route in. Easier to just jump in from a plane for the most part. Unless you live close that is.”

“I guess. But what does that have to do with your farm?” Danny wrinkled his noise as a breeze briefly brought the smell of manure his way.

“Mmm,” Alicia started. “Well, animals need a lot of food, and the harder it is to get it brought in, the more expensive it is. Growing up, your ma and me saw how the farmers struggled with the prices. When I grew up, I decided to shift the family farm to silage to help with the demand. You won’t see a lot of farms like mine, most of the food is grown outside of our region here or in other states entirely.” She paused. “It’s also a hell of a lot more trouble to get it to all work out if I’m honest. There’s a reason crops aren’t grown in these parts.”

Danny nodded, looking back at the trees they passed by.

“To answer your original question, we got a field we plant cover crops in. Depending on what we’ve got, I’ll send the cows and pigs out there during the days. You won’t spend a lot of time there. Then we’ve got this corn that we’re passing. Unlike the corn we eat, this gets left to dry out after it gets done growing.”

Danny looked over the field, eyebrows pinched together. “Corn?”

“Yessir, this is a corn field we’re walking by. I guess for a city boy like you, it’ll be easier to tell in a few weeks. These here are still growing their ears. We’ve got some fields we planted earlier – they got their ears and silk already. You’ll see them tomorrow probably.”

“Why?” Danny interjected, “Why did you plant them like that?”

“Well,” Alice starts, “Oh, we’re coming up to the wheat here,” and pointed forward to the next field. “We stagger our fields like that, so we stagger what time they’re ready to harvest. It doesn’t make sense to flood the ranchers around here with a bunch of feed all at once, or to hafta store a bunch of it. Arkansas up here in the north is a little interesting. I started doing that a couple years back, and it’s been alright. More work on my and Will’s end, but,” Alice shrugged.

Danny looked up at her, then tried standing on his tip toes as he walked. He couldn’t see past the tops of the corn stalks and stumbled over an uneven patch on the ground. Righting himself, he glanced back up at his aunt. “So you’ve got corn and wheat, anything else?”

Alice looked down at him briefly, “Sometimes we’ll do soybeans, sometimes sorghum. Depends. Nothing you’ll have to worry about either way. I think we’ll keep ya working on the wheat and corn this summer.” Alicia looked at him from the corner of her eye. “Speaking of, you drive yet?”

Danny choked on some spit, “Sorry?” He cleared his throat, “I’m still a few months shy of being able to get my permit. Eeeer,” Danny looked up her, “Why?”

“Aaah,” Alice said. More to herself than Danny, she muttered, “No matter, I’ll have to teach ya regardless.” She looked off in the distance before turning back to Danny. “Today, we’re going to go around the farm. I’ll show ya where are the different sections are and how they’re organized.”

Danny squirmed, “You don’t have to do that Aunt Alicia, I could walk around by myself. I don’t want to take you away from your work.”

Alicia narrowed her eyes at him. “You won’t be. I’ve got stuff to do out in the fields anyway.”

Deflating a little under her gaze he nodded, “Okay.”

Walking out to edge of the farm, Alicia took Danny through a section of wheat, pointing out things to watch out for, checking moisture levels, and more. Danny did his best to pay attention, but kept getting distracted by the wind brushing through the wheat. The plants would bend and rub against one another, creating a raspy sound, like someone walking around. After a sudden gust that caused Danny to jump, Alicia looked up at him. She waited for Danny to settle again, then went back to what she was doing. He could feel his shoulders tense and looked around the tops of the wheat to make sure that there really wasn’t anyone around. Danny moved to crouch down next to his aunt. He started to lean off to one side, unbalanced on the ground, and it was only when he put out a hand to brace himself did Danny notice that his hands were balled into fists. He slowly unclenched his left hand, the tension dissipating as he flexed it. Turning back to Alicia, he noticed she had turned to look at him. Danny looked back at her. She raised an eyebrow.

At Danny’s clueless face, she rolled her eyes. “Look over at the roots by you – do you see anything out of the ordinary?”

Danny ears flushed pink as he turned his head to look around him.

The rest of the afternoon passed by quickly, with Alice pulling snack bars from her overall pockets as a short break while they walked through more sections. As they exited a corn field, Danny heard a rumbling in the distance. After a minute or two of walking down the wider path, Alicia angled her head back, listening to something. “Seems Will is driving the tractor back. If he crosses near us, and has the cart hitched up, we can get a ride back.”

Danny desperately hoped that he would see Will. He might have the occasional ghost fight and Sam as a friend, but he wasn’t fit. After a day walking around, crouching and standing, his legs were tired, feet aching, and even his arms felt heavy. Danny couldn’t wait to get back to his cabin and fall face first onto his bed asleep. His stomach grumbled out. Actually, dinner first, then sleep. Hearing a change in the tractor rumble, Danny looked behind him and saw the tractor turn down their row. Danny waved at Will, and Alicia turned around. Ushering Danny to the side of the path, they let Will come to a stop, before closing the distance.

Grinning over at them, Will opened the door and told Danny, “You look dead on ya feet, kid. Ready to get back?”

“Yes please,” Danny begged.

“Alright, then climb in.” Will closed the door.

Danny gave a little wave and followed Alicia to the back, climbing up into the cart hitched up.

As Will got closer to the upper cabins, he let Alicia and Danny off before he went off to park the tractor and finish up some tasks.

“Well,” Alicia said, stretching out her back, “I’ve got some stuff to get in order before dinner. If you want to call home, I’ve got a landline down in my house. There’s not enough time to take a nap or anything, not that I’d recommend it anyway. Or you could always take another look in the barn, see if there’s anything to muck out before the animals bed down for the night.

“Ok,” Danny said. Alicia quickly turned and made her way down to the lower area. Danny stood there for a minute, looking off into the woods, before making his way behind his cabin to the freestanding outhouse.

After, he ambled to his cabin. Throwing open the door, he walked over to his bed. He flopped down on top of it, a leg and arm hanging over the edge. Danny wasn’t sure how much time he actually had before dinner, but he just wanted to be horizontal for a while. His body settled down, weighing into the mattress as he tried to stop thinking. After a while, his face got tired of being smashed into the sheets and Danny turned his head to the side, examining the little cabin. The sunlight coming in through the windows was yellow orange and muted. He watched the dust motes dance down the shaft of light before they disappeared into the shadows by his face. Feeling his body relax further, his turned his attention to his wide open door. The sounds of the woods filtered in, quiet, through it. He heard a deep bark come from Skip from somewhere. The sounds of a fly buzzing around his doorframe before flying off. Birds called back and forth. Danny sighed and felt his eyelids slide shut. He couldn’t wait to start counting down the days until he returned to Amity Park.

When Danny could feel his heart slowing down, he quickly opened his eyes and pushed himself up. The sudden shift started his heart beating rapidly. Despite wanting to sleep so badly after this day, Danny did not want to miss dinner and he had a sinking feeling that his aunt would not be happy if he didn’t show up. Not knowing how much time passed, he got up and left his cabin, making sure the latch clicked shut before he walked down to Alicia’s cabin. Rubbing his eyes with the back of his hands, he made his way down the slope. He didn’t call last night, despite promising his family he would. Danny was relatively assured that his mom would’ve called Alice anyway. More than that, Danny wanted to check in with Sam and Tucker. As enthusiastic as his parents could be about chasing down ghosts, they were hardly reliable when it came to dealing with the ghosts in town.

He heard a steady clacking as he approached Alice’s door, and opening it, he found her in the kitchen cutting up ingredients.

Danny looked around, then cleared his throat. After a moment, Alice turned around to face Danny. “What’s up?”

“Uuh, I’d like to use the phone. If there’s still time before dinner?”

Alice gave one short nod then gestured, curving her hand around to point. “Phone is on the other side of this wall, it’s a mounted one. You can pull up a chair if you want. I reckon you have enough time for a call.”

“Or two, if you’ve got a special someone,” she tacked on, laughing when Danny spluttered half formed words at her. “Aah just kidding kid,” Alice said as she turned back around.

Danny let out a wheezy, “thanks,” before walking to the other side of the wall. He found the aged yellow phone on the other side easily enough. Pausing in front of it, he took a deep breath, before lifting up his hand to the receiver. His hand rested there for a moment before he tightened his fingers and pulled the phone off, dialing the FentonWorks business number with his other hand. Bringing the phone up to his ear, he shifted his weight, an arm coming around to wrap around himself.

Briing brriiiing.

….

Briing Brriiing.

….

Bri – “Hello?” A female voice answered. “You’ve reached the FentonWorks business. If it’s about ghosts or specters, we’re here to help. What can we do for you today?”

Danny let out a breath at his mom’s practiced spiel. “Hey, Mom.”

A gasp crackled through the landline, “Oh Danny!” she said in surprise. “Oh, honey, why didn’t you call the house number?”

Danny looked up at a corner of the cabin. “They all end up at the same place though?”

“Honey, but it’s different phones that ring – you know that. And I’m not sure your father deleted off old voicemails from this number, so if we weren’t here to catch your phone call you wouldn’t have been able to leave a message!”

“That’s what I was hoping for,” Danny mumbled under his breath.

“What was that? Danny, you have to –“

“IS THAT OUR DANNY BOY?! HOW IS HE? ENJOYING LIFE WITH YOUR OLD BAT OF AN SISTER?” Jack’s booming voice cut through, clear enough to understand even as it crackled the closer he got to the phone.

Danny heard a rustling and a light smack on the other side. “Jack darling, my sister is not an old bat,” she admonished. “But yes, it’s Danny.” A pause. “Danny can you hold on a moment? I’m going to put you on speaker.”

Danny’s hand crept up to the coiled cord connecting the phone to the base.

A couple of clicks, then – “Oh Danny, can you hear us?”

And a competing “Still there Danny?” coming through at the same time.

Danny winced as the phone screeched. “Yeah,” his fingers twisted around the cord, “I’m still here.”

“Oh wonderful,” his mom said, “how are you settling in?”

“Meet any farm animals yet?” his dad asked. A breath, then an excited “Meet any country ghosts?”

Danny sighed, his fingers twisting up more in the cord. “I’m doing fine. Aunt Alice explained where everything is, and I pretty much fell asleep after moving my clothes out of the suitcase. Sorry I didn’t end up calling you last night.”

“That’s fine sweetie, your aunt gave us a short call last night to let us know you made it there alright.”

Danny hummed, hunch confirmed. Hearing his dad take a breath in, Danny quickly tacked on, “and I haven’t seen any ghosts, Dad. Met some cows, pigs, chickens, and the farm dog though.”

“And how is Skip doing?” Maddie asked.

Danny’s face scrunched up, “Fine? I guess? He didn’t like that I showed up today, just kind of stared at me for a bit before walking off.”

Maddie laughed. “That sounds like him. He’s nice enough when he warms up to you. But no, he isn’t too fond of strangers. Just give it time Danny.”

Danny huffed.

“Yes, yes, but I think he’ll be back before then Maddie,” Jack replied.

“Oh, you’re absolutely right dear. How are –“ Danny heard distant footsteps.

“Is that Danny?” his sister’s voice called out in the distance, a whisper coming through the phone.

“YES, COME HERE JAZZ, SAY HI!” his dad yelled.

Danny untwisted his fingers from the cord before starting to wrap them up again. “Hi Jazz,” he said.

“Oooh! Hi Danny! How are you doing!?”

“Alright,” he said. “Aunt Alice was finishing dinner. I just wanted to check in with you guys before then.”

“Ok Danny. Well, thank you for that. We don’t want to keep you too long then.” Jazz’s voice turned sharp, “Do we?”

“No! No, we don’t Jazzy pants! Don’t forget to call later! We miss you Danny boy! Don’t work yourself too hard, but make sure you listen to your ba-“ Jack cleared his throat, “your aunt.”

“I suppose we should let you go then Danny. Thank you for calling us. As nice as it was to know you were there safe, it’s even better hearing your voice. We miss you sweetie, love you!” Maddie said.

A twin chorus of “Love you”s sounded off after her.

“Love you guys,” Danny said. He clicked the phone back on. Sighing, he pulled it back off after a minute. Dialing a different number, he waited for the signal to connect. Danny started counting, but before he could reach five, he heard it connect.

“Sam?” Danny said.

A gasp, “Danny? Oh, I didn’t know you’d be able to call so soon!”

Danny smiled. He heard a small voice come through, “Is that Danny?” After a moment, a much louder, “Hey dude! How are you? Is it smelly there? Did you get a signal with my Charlotte?”

“Hey Tucker, Sam. Uuh, no Tucker, your PDA didn’t connect to anything. Other than that, it’s fine. I was outside, like, all day today. My legs feely like jelly,” he grouched.

Sam clicked her tongue, “This is why you, and Tucker, should join me when I exercise!”

“You can NOT convince me to join your exercise regime,” Tucker said.

“One day,” Sam vowed, “one day you’ll join me, Tucker Foley.”

Danny laughed. “Alright, I’m glad I reached both of you. I’ve got some questions about our,” Danny paused for a moment, “city guests?”

“Guests?” Tucker said. “What do you – oof.”

“Ghosts, Tucker, keep up,” Sam hissed.

“Got it, there was no need to elbow me though.”

Danny could imagine Tucker melodramatically massaging his side as Sam rolled her eyes at him. “So?” he prompted. “Anything to worry about?”

Tucker sighed, “dude it’s been dead around here, Poindexter was walking around campus yesterday, the Box Ghost was seen flying around the warehouses, and then today Vaaaal – the Red Huntress was chasing Skulker.”

“Skulker?” Danny snapped.

“Yeah, no need to get your pants twisted Danny,” Sam said, “it was Skulker out of his suit of all things. No clue why he was wandering around like that.”

“It was weird seeing his naked, blobby ass Danny!”

“Eeeew, Tucker!”

“What?”

“Gross! Anyway, Danny, despite having so many sightings the past few days, there haven’t been many problems. Even your parents have kept the GAV destruction to a minimum. Your dad only dented a stop sign pole and your mom only scorched some leaves while blasting at the Box Ghost.”

“Huh,” Danny said, “that’s good. I guess?”

“Relax, dude, if any problems pop up, Sam and me have got this. Along with Valerie. We won’t let anything too bad happen. And hey! If all else fails, then your parents are always around.”

Danny snorted, “thanks, I feel so much better now.”

Sam sighed, “seriously though Danny, take it easy. You are nowhere near Amity right now, so it’s no use worrying about it. We have it covered and before you know it, you’ll be back.”

“Yeah, alright,” Danny said, fingers twisting in the cord again. “Okay. That’s – thanks for letting me know.”

“Are you okay?” Tucker asked.

Danny sighed into the receiver. “Yeah.” Silence stretched out between the two sides of the call. Danny heard Alicia shuffle out of the cabin and down the steps.

“Yeah, I’m alright,” Danny said. “I’m just. UUuugh. I don’t understand why my parents thought I needed to get away from Amity Park. And my sister didn’t help, butting in with all these psychology studies about stressed teenagers, and environments, and whatnot. Can you believe that fink convinced my parents to send me away for basically my entire break!?! I already missed half of summer being in school, and now I’m out in the middle of nowhere? It’s stupid. I don’t even know why they thought the ghosts attacks were putting me on edge in the first place! I don’t even stick around for the ghost fights as Fenton because I’m so busy running off to fight them myself,” Danny hissed. He heard a stair creak. He sighed, letting the tension bleed out of him. “Anyway, how are you guys? Enjoying your summer?”

Sam and Tucker started talking about how excited they were for a new movie that was coming out next week and Danny smiled softly, listening to their back and forth. Hearing someone clear their throat behind him, he turned around, and lowered the phone away from his ear.

“Dinner’s gonna be done soon kiddo,” Alice said.

“Thanks,” Danny mouthed.

Finding a short break in the conversation, Danny interrupted whatever retort was coming next, “Hey, guys. I’m glad I could catch both of you, but I got to go. I’ll talk to you both later?” He untangled his fingers from the cord.

“Oh,” Sam said, “Yes, of course. Bye Danny!”

“Bye! Talk to you later!” Tucker said.

“Bye.” Danny clicked the phone back in place.

Collecting himself, Danny breathed out, plastered a neutral expression onto his face, and turned around to walk outside for dinner.

_______

Danny was in his bed. He was exhausted. His arms ached, his feet were sore, and his eyes were tired.

He rolled over. It was dark, likely the middle of the night, and he was groggy, limbs still heavy and heart slow from sleep. So why was he awake? He heard a far off call coming from the direction of the woods. ‘Probably a wolf’, he thought. Closing his eyes, Danny settled back down. Or tried to. His skin itched and Danny twisted around to rest on his other side. Scrunched together his eyelids. Moved his feet around. Sighed, then pushed himself up. Slipping on his boots, he opened up the cabin door and stepped outside.

Looking around, Danny didn’t see anything concerning. He stepped down and walked around the cabin, looking at the sky and the darkness in between the trees. Danny walked back in the cabin, pulling the door till he heard the latch click, then walked to his bed. Sitting down he took a deep breath, held it, and his eyes glowed green in the dark as he released the breath. Ecto pooled beneath his feet and he pushed it through the ground. He stretched out his consciousness with the ecto, making sure that there was nothing unexpected in the area. The only thing he sensed was a small pool of ectoplasm in the ground, far enough down that it was probably undisturbed by anyone for hundreds of years. Breathing in, he called his ecto back. Breathed in, then out. Followed the path of his breath through his body as it traveled. In through the nose, down to his lungs, inflating, then back up and out. Once he felt sufficiently centered in his body again, Danny kicked off his boots and laid back down. Sleep claimed him quickly once more.

Sun hitting Danny’s face woke him up. Throwing an arm over his eyes, Danny groaned. He still felt sore from the day before, tired from the ghosts fights prior to coming to his aunt’s, and annoyed from being sent in the first place. In short, Danny was grumpy. The sharp rap on his door a couple minutes later did not help.

“Up and at ‘em Danny.”

“I’m up!” he called back.

Hearing footsteps recede, Danny groaned. Loudly. Maybe he could convince his parents to pick him up? Call this summer trip short? Danny started plotting ways to get back home, with his parents’ permission, as he followed Alicia back to the chickens, then off to the barn.

Neither spoke to one another, Danny doing his best to help Alice. Before long, she had him mucking out the stalls again as she walked off to attend to other chores. As Alice said, it wasn’t tricky and the repetition had Danny zoning out, daydreaming about being back in Amity.

A short step back, and Danny tripped over a trough. Hitting the ground hard, he felt something squish against his backside. Danny sighed. He closed his eyes, gathered some motivation, then swung his legs over the trough and fully onto the ground. Standing up, he twisted around to see the cow pie he landed in. Wrinkling his nose, Danny pushed intangibility through his body to get the crap to drop off his butt and walked out of the way before releasing it. He stood there, feeling the warmth of the sun heating up the open doorway, and looked at the two stalls left to do. Danny was just about to turn around and walk off for a little break, when his mom’s chiding voice echoed through his head. Turning back around, he went to finish the job before the food bell rang out.

Later that day, the walkie that Alice had given Danny earlier that day crackled to life. “DANNY! Get the first aid kit from the barn and get out to the field Will was working in. Now.”

Click.

Danny, who had been lounging by the storage barn, darted inside to grab the kit that hung up there, and ran back out. He activated his flight so he lifted just above the ground, and flew most of the distance to the field. When he was close, he dropped back down and ran the rest of the way.

“Mmmm fine,” Will slurred out.

“Will Archibald Jacobson don’t you dare,” Danny heard Alice hiss out.

He darted around a row to see Will by the woodchipper, Alice holding his arm above his head. “What happened?” Danny yelled, dashing the last few yards to them.

Will’s arm was wrapped in his overshirt, blood soaking into the fabric. He had blood on his tank shirt and his pants. Blood dripped down to his neck. His face had an out of focus expression.

Danny set down the first aid kit.

Flipping it open, Alice responded, “darn idiot got distracted and forgot about the woodchipper next to him.”

“Hey!” Will protested. “Kid, don’t listen to her, I was… safe, prom’se! Jus’ go’ startled by this green thing – glowing like the sun – ‘n tripped ‘n fell is all.”

“Danny, press here,” Alice instructed, ignoring Will’s slurred explanation.

Danny helped Alice wrap up Will’s arm tight. Hauling him to his feet, Alice turned around. “Danny, I’m going to take him into town. I’m not sure how deep that cut went, but,” she trailed off, looking at the dopey look on Will’s face.

“Got it, what do you want me to do?”

Hoisting a shoulder over her own, Alice grunted, “help me get him there.”

Danny darted under Will’s other side to support him, and they started to walk him back. Will protested the whole way, claiming that he was fit as a fiddle and definitely didn’t need to walk into town and that they should check out ‘the weird creature in the woods, big, green, and glowing, can’t miss it’. Danny extended some of his flight powers to Will, lightening the load on him and Alice. They walked Will past Alice’s cabin, through a short stretch of woods, and into town. Will finally quieted down, grumbling instead of loudly complaining, and they made it into the small clinic.

“Patty!” Alice called out.

A middle aged woman came out from the back door, “what’s – oh, get him into the back room.” She propped the door open, and let them pass her, pointing them to one of the two examination rooms. Shooing Alice and Danny back out once they set him down, Patty got to work.

Walking back out to waiting room, Danny felt sick to his stomach. He was supposed to have gone to help Will out that afternoon, but decided to take his time and took a break near the chickens instead. “Is he going to be ok, Aunt Alice?”

“Probably,” Alice said, but the furrows between her eyebrows told a different story. “Well, nothing much to do in the meantime. You been through town yet?”

Danny blinked at the sudden shift, “uh, no, not yet.”

“Then I’ll show you around real quick while we’re here, make the most of this.”

Alice took Danny around, which consisted of walking him up and down Mainline and Riverway, the two major streets of the small town. There were only a handful of shops, the clinic, and a gas station.

“That’s it?” Danny asked as they walked back to the clinic.

“Yep,” Alice popped the p.

“It’s…. tiny.”

Sighing, Alice said, “well yea, most folks around here stay on the farms. You have a few homes down here near town, but most people prefer to move down to the bigger town about 50 miles from here.”

Stepping into the clinic, Danny now noticed the chime that signaled their entrance. They settled down in two of the three seats in the front area.

A few minutes later, Patty walked back out. “Well, Will should be fine. It’ll take a while for his arm to heal up, but he’s still got movement and feeling, so I don’t think he’s got any nerve damage.” She smiled at them. “Lucky, though, that he didn’t lose too much blood. I got him a snack and had him lay down in the meantime. What’d he even do? He had fat hanging out of the wound and everything.”

“Fool got distracted and the wood chipper was nearby,” Alice grumbled.

“He tripped into it,” Danny added.

“Hmm, well alright. You guys gonna take him back up to the farm?” Patty asked.

Alice uncrossed her arms, placing her hands on her knees. “Suppose so. His family’s too far away to call to get him today. I’ll see if they’ll come pick him up tomorrow.” She sighed, running a hand through her mullet. “Tomorrow’s Saturday, so they probably will.”

“Definitely lucked out then,” Patty said. She walked back to check on Will.

Waiting for the “all clear” to take Will back up, Danny stewed in his thoughts. He hadn’t exactly done anything outright wrong, but Danny knew that if he had taken his job more seriously, he would’ve been with Will and maybe he wouldn’t have gotten hurt or as badly or –

“Stop thinkin’ so loud.”

Danny jumped. The swirl of his thoughts coming to a halt.

“I’m sorry,” Danny whispered.

“What for?”

“I –“ Danny paused. “I –“

“Danny,” Alice cut in. “It ain’t your fault.”

“But –“

“Nope. Whatever ya think ya did or didn’t do, it’s not your fault.” Alice side eyed his hunched, guilty looking form. “Stuff like this happens – whether or not anyone else is around. So don’t worry too much.”

Danny dropped his head down.

The silence stretched between them. Alice looked out the window, and Danny made a promise to himself to take this summer more seriously.

__________

The next morning, Danny waved Will and his family off as they left down the back road. He’d be gone for the next couple of weeks to keep him away from the temptation of working. Knowing they’d have to pick up the slack, Danny and Alice hurried back to work.

_________

A week later, Danny was settling into a routine, getting comfortable around the farm. He was getting quicker at mucking out the stalls, and as such, he had some time to do some laundry. Taking the path down to Alice’s cabin, he passed under one of the open cabin windows.

“-addie.”

Danny stopped. Was Alicia talking to his mom?

“Danny?” Alicia asked.

Oh, they were talking about him. He stood there, holding his bag of laundry, curious about what his aunt would say.

“No, he’s doing good work around the farm.”

Danny shuffled a foot around, making circles in the dirt as he listened in.

“Yeah Madds, I can see why you’re so fond of him.” Alicia laughed in response to something Maddie said. “That he is, you raised a good boy.”

Danny’s eyes widened. Bugs buzzed around in the grass around him.

“Mmmm. If he didn’t have school to get back to, I wouldn’t mind keeping him around,” Danny overheard. Eyes widening, he decided to quickly walk off to the laundry.

He hadn’t realized that his aunt liked him that much. Even more surprising that she’d want to keep him on. Danny remembered the start of summer school when his teacher all but groaned at him walking in. Danny had just failed the second half of their class not 2 weeks before. Due to the sudden ghost appearances, Danny hadn’t been the most reliable in the last few years. But for someone to recognize his work? And be satisfied with it? Danny felt a warm feeling start in his chest. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to stay for the rest of the summer.

______

A couple weeks passed from that phone conversation, with Will coming back and slowly starting to pick up more work again.

Danny had, for the first time since he arrived on the farm, a short work day. By the time lunch came around, Danny had finished his list of chores. After getting the confirmation from Alice, he had the whole afternoon to himself.

He walked around the farm, ending up at one of the wheat fields. Will and Alice were focused on the corn fields for the day and wouldn’t be out this way until later. Standing there amidst the softly swaying strands, Danny watched the sky. The breeze in the air that moved the wheat also pushed the clouds around high above. He decided to take a seat between the golden rows, laying on his back, arm flung behind his head. Staring up at the clouds, he watched them flow across the sky, shifting forms as they traveled. The sun-warmed dirt below him felt like a warm blanket on his back. This close to the ground, it smelled sweet, a little moist and earthy. Danny pulled his cap lower over his face as the warmth settled into his bones. Soon enough, he was lulled off to sleep.

By the time he woke up, the sun had dipped lower in the sky. Sitting up, Danny didn’t hear anyone around and got up. As he walked out of the field, Danny raised his eyes, jumping a little at Skip sitting down and watching him from a distance. Danny paused midstep. When Skip didn’t make a move, Danny finished walking out of the wheat and onto the dirt path. They stared at one another for a moment. Out of view, one of the pigs grunted. Skip blinked, and his tongue lolled out of his mouth, before he got up to walk to the pig. Danny watched his tail wag as he left. He chuckled softly as he headed off to Alice’s cabin.

After dinner, he stuck around, playing a card game with Alice, Will, and Jasper. Every so often one of the townspeople stopped by to get Alice’s opinion about something or another and stayed for a meal. When Jasper lost the third game in a row, he called it quits and headed out for the night. Will, Alicia, and Danny played a few more rounds themselves, Will and Danny winning a round each, with the rest of the wins going to Alice. By the time they said their goodnights, the moon was rising. The sky had darkened considerably and the stars were twinkling to life above them.

“Oh.” Danny breathed, stopping on the cabin porch.

Will looked back, “Danny?”

“The sky. I –“ he paused. “I’ve been falling asleep so quickly I haven’t had time to really see it.”

“Oh, that all? It’s pretty neat I guess… Well, I’ll head up then, see ya later Danny.”

Eyes never leaving the sky, “Night Will. See ya tomorrow.” He walked down to sit at the table.

The door creaked open, “Oh. Danny? Is that you still down here?”

Danny, from the picnic table, confirmed, “Yeah.”

“Huh, I thought you and Will left a while ago.”

“Hmmhmm. Will did, headed up already.”

“Ooook. Well, you need anything?”

“Nope.”

“Alright,” Alice stepped down, walking up to the table. “Well, it’s getting late. Now, I’m not your mom, but maybe consider heading up yourself soon.”

“Ok. Yeah, you’re right.”

“… Ya really like those stars huh?”

Danny finally looked down, “Yeah.” He grinned, “you can’t see the stars like this in Amity. I mean, you can, it’s not the worst, but it’s just so clear out here!”

Alice chucked, “Sure is. Sometimes I forget how nice it is.”

“If I lived out here, I would never take it for granted. I bet it’s so easy to track the constellations and star movements,” Danny’s eyes lit up with the possibilities.

“Don’t know much about the stars myself but,” she shrugged, “I guess it wouldn’t be hard to, no.”

Taking one last look up at the stars, Danny got up, said goodnight to his aunt, and headed up to get ready for bed.

_______

“And Danny? Come into my cabin for a moment, your job today is going to be a little different.”

Will frowned, “Aaah man, Danny gets to do that?”

“Do what?” Danny asked.

Alicia grinned. “Blackberry picking.”

“Yeah, and it’s the best job of the summer,” Will grumbled. “You better enjoy it kid.” He stood up. “Well, I’ll see you two later,” and he walked up the slope to get back to work.

“Bye,” Danny called. Turning to Alicia, “So what does berry picking mean I’m doing, exactly?” He looked around, “I haven’t noticed any berries around here.”

Alice laughed, “no you won’t. Come inside, I have to show you where you’re going.”

Danny furrowed his eyebrows but followed her into the cabin where some maps of the farm and surrounding area and a large basket sat on the table.

Alice picked up the first map, took a look, then rifled through the pile to find one that had a large circle on it. “Ah, here it is,” she placed it on top of the pile and pointed to the circled area. “This is where you’re headed today.”

Danny leaned in to look over the map. “That looks like it’s in the woods?”

“Yep,” Alicia said, “you’re going to be taking a little walk today. I’ve got your lunch packed up, all you have to do is fill your canteen, and then head out for the day.”

Danny frowned. “And how am I supposed to find them?”

Alice rolled her eyes, “They aren’t hard to spot. Here,” she pointed to a different area of the map, “we are. You’re going to head this direction,” she moved her finger up, around a small lake, and to the circle. “It’s pretty easy walking. The pond will keep you on track, though it’s more like a glorified puddle, but whatever. You’ll hear the stream feeding into it, so if you do get lost, just hush up and listen. You’ll pick the berries, put them in this basket, and when it’s full, you’ll head back. I scoped out the area last year and this was a fairly big thicket, so even if the animals have gotten to it there should still be plenty left for you.” She looked up at Danny. “Got it?”

Danny worried his lip. “I guess?” He hadn’t really explored the surrounding area, but figured if he needed to, he could just fly up and look for the way back easily enough.

“Good. Well, get your basket and water and get going. I’ve got work to get to. See you for dinner kid,” and Alicia walked out the door.

Danny took another look at the map, doing his best to memorize the path. He sighed, picking up the basket, stopping by his cabin quickly to grab his water bottle, and started off to the trees.

Walking into the woods, Danny noticed a strap on the basket and quickly put it over his shoulder. The basket bobbed against his butt as he walked, but it was better than having to carry it the whole way. As Danny got further in, the undergrowth increased. Danny activated his intangibility and walked right through. The sun was bouncing through the leaves, casting spots of shadow and light. He heard the birds sitting overhead in the treetops and a beetle buzzed past Danny’s ear. He made his way to the small lake.

As he got closer, he heard a soft bubbling sound that soon turned into a whoosh. Then the smell of the dirt changed – rich and a little heavy on the tongue. Danny walked through a bush and saw the puddle. If he wasn’t intangible, he would’ve gotten his boots wet.

Huh, Danny thought. It really is small.

The pond was only a couple of yards across and looked shallow.

Danny looked to his left and saw the stream that fed into it. Looking around the edge, he couldn’t find where the pond emptied. Danny stayed there for moment, comparing what he was seeing to his memory of the map. Once he felt confident in his orientation, he floated up and drifted across the pond. Setting himself down on the other side, he double checked his intangibility was still activated and started walking again. True to Alice’s word, the walk itself was easy, and Danny took the opportunity to look around at the woods. He spotted a deer in the distance at one point, and what looked like owl nests in some of the branches.

As he walked through a particularly dense area of bushes, he noticed some mist by a tree some distance away. Danny squinted at it. It was too warm in the day for there to be mist and, he looked around, it didn’t look like there was any water for it to come from either. As he started to walk to it, Danny realized that he hadn’t heard any birds in a while. Getting closer, he saw some wispy tendrils float out from the densest part of the mist. He tilted his head. Let some ectoplasm leak into his eyes. The mist suddenly contracted and came together to form a vague squirrel shape. Danny stopped. Followed the smallest tendril down to the earth. A squirrel, blood leaking out from a wound on its leg, was connected to it. Danny looked back up. The ghost followed the motion and looked at Danny. Danny looked back. Blinked. And stepped forward, holding out a hand. The squirrel ghost drifted forward and right before it made contact with Danny, turned to look back at its mortal body.

Danny held his breath as he watched one of the ears tufts twitch. The squirrel turned back around and jumped forward to touch Danny’s palm. As it nestled into his hand, its soft, transparent body started to disperse again. Danny reached for his core and pushed the ectoplasm circulating in his body to his hand. His palm started glowing green before some ectoplasm coated his palm. The squirrel started condensing again, pulsing as it made contact. The ectoplasm flowed off Danny to mix in with the translucent body. The ectoplasm swirled around like bubbles in soda before losing shape and being absorbed. The squirrel’s ghost glowed bright and Danny looked away, closing his eyes.

When he no longer saw the light through his eyelids, Danny cracked open one eye, and confirming the bright light was gone, fully opened both eyes. What was once a misty looking squirrel ghost was now a small green blob. As it rotated around, eyes came into view, and opening up, looked at Danny, letting out a small chirrup in greeting. Danny smiled a little. It was cute, if a bit sad knowing where this little blob came from. Danny looked back at the corpse. Then up to the blob. The wispy tendril no longer connecting the two. Danny let his hand drop and the blob stayed floating. Floated closer to Danny’s face. He could feel his eyes flash green. The blob ghost let out another little chirp and flew around Danny head before settling down on his shoulder, nuzzling up into his chin. Danny laughed at the ticklish sensation and then turned around to continue to the blackberry bushes.

As Danny got to the blackberries, he reached up a hand to the blob ghost. Gently scooping it into his hand, Danny lifted it up and onto the top of one of the bushes. Looking around and not seeing any animals, Danny focused on the bushes. There were a lot of them, and it seemed like the bushes had plenty of berries. Danny could make out at least 5 bushes growing into each other, and possibly more around some trees. He knelt down and picked a blackberry, tossing it into his mouth. As the berry burst open, juices sprayed Danny’s mouth, and he stifled a cough. He ate it quickly and indulged in a quick cough. Even though it was smaller than the ones they bought from the store, it was noticeably sweeter. Danny smiled and swung his basket off his shoulder. He started carefully plucking berries off, and every time he accidentally squished one, he popped it in his mouth instead of the basket.

At some point the little blob ghost woke up and started darting between the leaves of the berry bushes, occasionally trying to eat one. Danny laughed at its antics, making a little ball of ectoplasm form, and tossed it for the blob to chase.

By the time the sun started its afternoon descent, Danny had his basket filled and a happy blob ghost nestled on top of the berries. Over the course of the afternoon, its green color had started disappearing and now it was more wisp than blob again. Danny frowned briefly and started off to the farm.

As Danny got near to the edge of the woods, the little ghost had lost all its color and was now back to a translucent wisp. Before he could give it more ecto, he heard a shout and ran out of the trees. Aunt Alice had dropped a screwdriver on the ground and when she stood back up from grabbing it, she spotted Danny. She waved, walking over to him.

“Hey Danny, how was –“ the little ghost darted out from behind Danny’s back, coming to face to face with Alicia. She frowned. “how was the trip?”

He pulled the basket forward, “good, there were plenty of blackberries.”

“Aaah good. Any trouble finding them?” She eyed the ghost out of the corner of her eye.

“Nope,” Danny paused, and taking a chance, said, “I found this little guy on the way though.”

“Oh?” Alice raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah.” Danny rubbed the back of his neck. “You can see it, right?”

Alice’s frown lightened. “Yes.” Sounding choked up, she cleared her throat. “Yes, I can. I didn’t realize - well, nevermind.” She looked at the ghost, nuzzling into Danny’s hair, mussing it up. “I don’t know why it’s acting so friendly, but you best not encourage it. The less attention you give it, the sooner it’ll pass on.”

Danny’s ears flushed red, “pass on?” he asked.

“Chiiiirup?” said the wispy ghost.

Alice leveled a glare at it. “Absolutely not.”

Danny’s mouth fell open. “Wait. What? Can you understand it?”

“Sure can. Ever since I was little,” Alice answered.

“Does Mom know you can see them? And understand them?”

Alice squinted at him, “Sure does, was the first person I told as a kid. Real supportive of it all.”

Danny stood there for a moment. “Mom knows? And she didn’t have you help her with the – the ghost stuff?”

“Nope. I was the reason she got into ghosts in the first place, but,” Alice shrugged. “I didn’t want anything to do with them. After I got back from the big city, I just wanted to live a quiet life and Maddie respected that.”

“Oh.” Danny looked between the ghost now on his arm and Alice. “Really?”

“Yep.”

The ghost floated between the two, circling Alice once before resting back on Danny.

“Well, looks like we should go deal with those blackberries.”

As Danny and Alice finished sorting the blackberries into different containers, Will walked up to them. “Hey! Oh, Danny’s back already?”

Alicia snorted at him, “Don’t act surprised.”

Will held up his hands, “Aaah you got me. I saw you two meet up earlier.” He quickly reached down to pop one in his mouth.

Alicia smacked his shoulder. The ghost flew up and chittered angrily in his face.

Will smiled, showing off his berry splattered teeth, completely unrepentant. Chuckling, he walked off.

Danny looked at the ghost, now flying over the piles of blackberries, and then up at Alice. “Will didn’t react at all.”

Alice grunted, “Hmm.”

“Are we the only ones who can see this little guy?”

“Far as I can tell, kid.”

“Oh.” Danny looked off into the tree line. “Aunt Alice, what did you mean when you said it’d pass on?”

“Well, exactly what I said. Little bugger died, and whatever was left will pass on to whatever’s next. Why? What’d you think I meant?”

Danny shrugged. “I guess I’m just not used to ghosts passing on? Most of the ones I meet stick around and cause trouble.”

“Ah. Madds has mentioned something like that. Have they caused you any trouble?” Alice probed.

Danny grimaced. “I guess you could say that. A lot of ghosts cause trouble around the high school.”

Alice nodded, “I can see how that’d be distracting.” Alice watched a bee buzz around the table. The wispy ghost chased after it.

“Yeah, most of them like to cause problems on purpose, but sometimes there’s the little blobs that hang around and they’re kind of cute, like a stray cat. They do make it hard to concentrate if it’s dark though.”

“What do ya mean?”

Danny looked back at his aunt. “Cause, they, you know, glow green?”

“Green? Huh. None of the ghosts round here glow green. I guess Will did mention something similar. And I remember Maddie showing me a vial of glowing green stuff once. Made me feel kind of sick.”

“Oh, that vial was probably ectoplasm,” Danny said.

“Ec-toe-plasm?” Alice sounded out.

“Yeah,” Danny said. “It’s the glowing green stuff that ghosts are made up of.”

“Really?” Alice sounded unimpressed.

“Hmmhmm,” Danny hummed. “You can kind of see their insides if they get hit with an ectoblast. It’s all gooey looking, like a really thick liquid. Their bodies kind of flow back in to fill the hole.”

Alice shook her head. “I don’t know about all that. All the ghosts I’ve seen are just misty lookin’ and real hard to see if the sun shines through them. Well, that’s only if I catch them. As I said, they don’t usually stick around too long.”

“Interesting.”

Alice shrugged, “I suppose. Madds had a theory that ghosts only form when the living aren’t prepared to die or something.” She laughed. “Not that I think most things around here have unfinished business. Everyone has a time and place, you know? A rabbit lives its life knowing it’ll be eaten and all that.”

“I guess.” Danny thought for a moment. “I think a lot of the ghosts I know didn’t even think death was a possibility.”

The little ghost zipped under the table and around their feet.

“Perhaps.”

In the time it took for Alice and Danny to finish with the blackberries and prepare dinner, the ghost kept fading bit by bit. Once Danny rang the dinner bell, the little ghost was completely gone. Danny tried not to miss it, knowing it was better that the little guy passed on, rather than hang around the ecto deprived area.

____

After dishes, Alice sat Danny down. “How you doing kid?”

“Fine?” Danny said, voice lilting up like a question.

“You sure? You looked rather, uh, sad about that little ghost disappearing on us.”

Danny shrugged, “hmm, I guess I’m not used to it.”

“It?”

“Yeah, I’m not used to things just…. Ending. I guess.”

“Oh, is that it?”

Danny looked off to the setting sun.

“You know, I can sympathize. Used to be a time when I thought that I could fix anything.”

Danny looked back at her. “What do you mean?”

“Well, you know I’m divorced right?”

“Sure, Mom visited you on the anniversary for that party last year.”

“Right, well I know it was a big celebration, but when it first happened, I was lost. I mean, I knew that it was coming. He didn’t like the farm, fell in love with someone who wanted the city life with him. A real yuppie. And yet, when I sat in the lawyer’s office, papers in front of me, there was this emptiness that seemed to take me over. We both wanted our relationship to end, happy for it even, but, that didn’t make it easier to deal with. Waking up and knowing that there wasn’t going to be someone by my side? That there was no fixing it, no going back? It’s hard to accept that some things just can’t be changed. Don’t like talking about that even now.”

Danny’s mind flashed briefly to Dan. His shoulders raised. “I guess. How did you deal with it?”

Alice hummed. “The divorce? Time, I suppose. I had the support of the community here. With death?” She shrugged. “I grew up. At some point you just realize that some things have to happen and you can’t change it, so you have to accept it.”

Danny huffed out air. “Yeah, alright.” The variation of the age old excuse of “when you’re older” rang hollow in him.

A hand landed on his shoulder. He turned back to his aunt. “Danny. I mean it. Some things just need the perspective that time brings. I’m still not sure my sister has quite grasped that.” She smiled. “No fault to her; understanding comes in its’ own time. Worrying about it won’t help.”

Danny watched the last of the light chase the sun down with his aunt beside him, before standing and heading to his cabin to think.

An hour later, he stood up from his bed and walked down to his aunt’s cabin. By now, the air was cool against his skin. The cicadas were out, filling the air with a loud buzz. Danny stopped halfway down the path, trying to collect himself. As he stared up at the trees, his eyes burned. Rubbing them harshly, he breathed in, the smell of dirt and the green leaves settling into his lungs. He stayed there for a moment, collecting the resolve that started to slip away. He let out some ectoplasm around his feet to light up his path and continued. Exiting the trees, Alice’s cabin was lit up, warm light enveloping it like an aura. Cozy. Welcoming. Danny dispelled the ectoplasm around his feet as he walked towards the cabin, each step feeling heavier than the last. His shoulders curled forward until he stopped at the stairs up to the porch. He heard Alice set something down inside and a creak of a door, then a click as the front doorknob rotated open. Danny stayed at the bottom of the stairs, feeling frozen, as the door hinges creaked. Alice’s red hair came into view first, quickly followed by the rest of her. Catching sight of something, she raised her head to look at Danny.

“Danny, that you down there? Everything alright?” voice soft as she stared down at him.

Danny’s body moved, skipping steps as he rushed up to Alice. Her body swayed backward as he barreled into her, and she wrapped her arms around him to steady them both.

“I died,” Danny said, voice muffled in her shirt.

Alice didn’t say anything for a moment, squeezing Danny close. His body shook as he cried into her shirt. After Danny’s shaking petered out, Alice stepped backwards, hand on Danny’s back to nudge him inside.

“Take a seat on the couch, Danny. You want tea? Hot chocolate?”

Sniffling, he wiped a hand against his nose. “Hot chocolate please.” He went to sit on the couch, grief and emptiness gnawing at his insides in equal measure.

The sound of boiling water soon filled the space. A clink of a mug. Powder being measured. The fridge door opening and closing. Alice walked over to the sofa, two mugs in hand. Danny unstacked two cup coasters from the pile in the middle of the coffee table, placing them down for Alice.

Danny picked up his hot chocolate and took a sip, holding the warm mug in his hands. Alice said, “Now, what was that about?”

The silence stretched between them as Danny stared at the wall, quiet. By the time Alice had finished most of her cup of tea, Danny finally opened his mouth.

“When I was fourteen, I died.” Silence followed Danny’s statement, Alice’s torso turned towards Danny, but nothing else to indicate she was listening.

Danny let out a shaky breath. “I didn’t, come back. All the way.”

Alice took another sip of tea.

Danny set his mug down. Folded his hands together and set them on his legs. “I know what it sounds like, but I’m not crazy. I’m alive, but I’m also, somehow, a ghost? Not like the one we saw today, but the kind I talked about, the glowing ones. I think I turned the portal on when I went inside to look. Not that I remember a lot of that, except for the pain,” Danny laughed, the sound hollow. “I mean, it wasn’t working before, and after that, it was that glowing green. It’s kind of pretty, actually? Or maybe that’s just what I think. It swirls around, the ectoplasm, like a really slow whirlpool, but it’s vertical like a door, not horizontal like a pool. It makes it really easy for Mom and Dad to get more ectoplasm samples. Actually, I gave the ghost today ectoplasm and it kind of turned into what I call a blob ghost? By the time we made it back to the farm it was back to that wispy appearance, so, I mean, that was different. But it was interesting, made me think of the blob ghosts back home. You know, the ones that don’t pass on? That’s the kind that I’m like. A ghost. I mean, I’m alive too, but I’m also a ghost. I don’t know if that means I’m still dead or not? I don’t think anyone really knows, but it’s kind of cool because I’m like the town superhe-“

“Danny,” Alice cut in. Danny stopped.

Alice took a breath. “Danny, do your parents know?”

Danny’s eyes widened. He shook his head.

“Are you going to tell them?”

Danny tongue felt stuck to the roof of his mouth, throat tightening as he thought about the answer. He settled for a small shrug.

“Alright. Well, I can’t say this isn’t a surprise, but I won’t make you tell your mom or nothing. Thank you for telling me.”

Danny stared at his mug, still half full. He picked it back up. As quiet settled around them, he felt his heart speed up. Alice set her mug down, now empty.

“But, I don’t think,” Alice started, slow, “that it matters too much. From what I’ve gathered, dead, alive, or something else, you’re still you. The caring and hardworking young man that Maddie described is the same one that arrived on my farm. Sure, you’re not perfect, and the implications of it all is damn worrying, not knowing, but that’s life.” Alice swung her knee up onto the couch to fully turn her body to face Danny, arm braced along the backrest. “For what it’s worth, people love you because of who you are, not what you are. That includes your mom and dad. Heaven knows when Maddie decides to love someone, she does it with her whole heart, no matter the circumstances.” She tacked on a lighthearted, “and that includes your fool of a father”.

Danny laughed, rubbing his eyes of residual tears. “Thanks, Aunt Alice. I’ll keep that in mind.”

Danny finished off his hot chocolate, bidding his aunt a goodbye, and walking back up to his cabin, feeling lighter than he had in a while.

______

During that week, Danny started helping out even more on the farm, volunteering to lend an extra hand when needed or after his own tasks were finished. He was getting comfortable with the flow of the days – spending mornings and evenings with the animals, afternoons in the fields, and helping out with various chores. It was easy to fall into the rhythm and to trade playful quips with Will and Alice when they worked together.

Alice called Danny over one day.

“What’s up, Aunt Alice?”

“You know anything about machines?”

“Uuuh,” Danny’s eyebrows shot up, “I guess? I’m familiar with my parents’ inventions.”

“Hmmm. Why don’t you come over here then and tell me what you think.”

Danny peered his head into the propped open tractor hood, looking at the mechanics. “It looks like the belt, here,” Danny pointed, “is wearing out.”

Alice appraised him.

Danny shifted his weight. “Uh, was that it?” he asked nervously, feeling like he was taking a surprise pop quiz.

“Yea. Yea, it was kid. You familiar with engines?”

Danny made a face, “Sure? I’ll help my dad out sometimes when there’s a problem with the GAV.”

“The GAV?”

“Oh, it’s our family car. Or van, RV, thing? My parents souped it up, so a lot of service shops won’t even look at it. My dad keeps up with most of the maintenance on it and makes me help out.”

Alice nodded, “Ok, makes sense I suppose. Well, if you’ve got a familiarity with it all, why don’t you help me replace it. I’ve got a spare belt down in my cabin. I’ll go grab it and you can get the tools we need. Just look in the toolboxes around here, find the one we need for the tractor.”

Danny nodded in agreement and Alice walked off to get the part.

Later that night at dinner, Alice remarked to Will that it might be time to let Danny drive the tractor.

“Sure thing boss! Who’s gonna teach him?”

“I will. I’ll start him off with parking it in the barn, so tomorrow just leave it out when you’re done and I’ll walk him through it.”

Will nodded and continued eating.

“I’m what?” Danny asked.

Alice raised an eyebrow.

Danny swallowed his bite of food. “Can I even do that? I don’t have a learner’s permit or anything.”

From beside him, Will answered, “Don’t need one. Most kids ‘round here start driving tractors much younger than you are. It’s not like you’re going to be driving down the road or anything in it.”

“Oh. You don’t need a license for it?”

“No sirree, and it ain’t that hard to do either.”

Alice piped up, “You good with that?”

“Oh. Yeah. I guess, I just wasn’t expecting it.”

The rest of the night and next day passed calmly. Then came Danny’s first lesson.

“When you go to park it, don’t forget to let it out of gear and apply the parking brake. That’s about it. So, you good to go?”

“I think so, Aunt Alice.”

“Alright, well don’t forget your ear protection, and I’ll let you get to it.”

Alice swung the door closed and stepped back from the tractor.

Danny put on the headset, and did one last review of everything, before he turned the tractor on. Looking behind him, clocking Alice still off to the side, he carefully backed up the tractor. Slowed down and came to a stop. Danny turned forward again and started moving the tractor forward. Taking a circle around, he pulled up to the storage barn and eased the tractor in. Applying the brake and turning it off, he took off his ear protection and stepped out.

“Not bad kid, not bad. Now help me look everything over before we head back for dinner.”

Alice walked Danny through the daily checks and maintenance on the tractor, then showed him where they kept their log.

“What it comes down to, is if you notice a problem, either stop and fix it right away, or come get me or Will if you can’t figure it out. I’d rather you waste an hour doing that, then pushing through it and messing up the tractor on us.”

The bell rang out, clear and bright. Alice glanced out of the barn doors. “Well, guess it’s quitting time for ya. Let’s get this put back and get our asses down there.” Alice handed the binder back to Danny, who placed it back on the small table and hurried to close the doors and catch up with Alice.

Another week passed, with Danny learning how to operate the tractor, hitching up different attachments, and getting used to the daily checks.

“I think it’s time to start harvesting the far wheat fields tomorrow.”

“Already?” Will asked.

“Yeah, it’s ready to go.”

“Huh. Alright, if you say so boss.”

“Will I be helping with that?” Danny asked.

Alicia nodded, “you’ll be here through this first harvest, then you’ll head back to Amity after that.”

“Oh.” Danny forgot he’d be heading back soon. “Right.”

“So soon?” Will asked.

“Yeah, that’s what I said. Madds reminded me that their school year starts earlier in the season.” Alice shook her head, “seems ridiculous, but there’s nothing to be done for it. The cities run on their own timeline.”

“Wait, then when do schools around here start? And where’s the school? I don’t remember seeing one when you showed me around town,” Danny asked.

“Oh, about a month later than yours I reckon. The school isn’t on the main roads. It’s back on one of the side roads, so the farm kids can get to it easier.”

“Used to be in the town,” Will added. “When most of the town families moved out, the farm kids got together and convinced the adults to move it closer to them, oh, I reckon ‘bout 20 years ago?”

“Closer to 25 I think,” Alice corrected. “I remember the big commotion when I visited from college. Maddie, I think, organized it all.”

“Sounds like Maddie,” Will agreed.

“Mom did that?” Danny asked.

“Sure enough. Everyone knows she’s a force of nature when she puts her mind to something. She argued with near everyone about it.”

“Don’t know why she fought so hard for it,” Will added. “Had to have been her senior year, didn’t even make a difference for her, considering the changes took place after she headed off to college.”

“Huh.”

“She never mentioned it to you?”

“No, not really. But it explains where Jazz got her single-mindedness from. She turned our annual Spirit Rally into a whole week at Casper High during her freshman year.” Danny grimaced, “My freshman year, I got put in a diaper and thrown on stage for it.”

Will laughed and Danny scowled at him. “Sorry, but just a diaper?”

“Are you kidding?” Alice was flabbergasted.

“Wish I was, it wasn’t funny.”

“Sorry, but you have to admit, that’s just a little funny,” Will chuckled.

“It really wasn’t. Also, our counselor tried murdering Jazz.”

Will stopped laughing. “What.”

“Yeah, she ended up getting, uh, jail, for it.”

Alice narrowed her eyes, “Really?”

“Yep,” Danny said, “last year wasn’t so bad though. Hardly anyone called me a baby the whole week.”

“Damn.”

“What the hell is happening in those cities.”

The sudden somber shift made the conversation die down and dinner was finished quickly after.

The next morning, the bell rang out clear and sharp. Danny blinked his eyes open, noticing it was still dark out. Stumbling out of his cabin, he turned to Will, who was passing by. “Why’re we up so early?” Danny yawned, pulling on a long sleeved shirt.

Will returned his yawn, jaw cracking in the early morning air. “Oh, we do most of our harvesting in the morning or evening. Means real early mornings the next few days. S’not so bad, once you get used to it.”

“Mmm.” Danny responded, following Will downhill.

“Hey Alice. You got the coffee brewing?”

“Hey, boys. Sure do. Another couple minutes or so, then we can get started.”

After getting their coffee in thermoses, the group headed up to the fields. Danny was put on tractor duty. Alice took over the truck with a wagon attached and Will was in charge of the forage harvester. With the exception of taking care of the animals, Danny and Alice traded back and forth on filling up their collection wagons and running them to the silo.

Soon enough, the harvest passed and it was time for Danny to return to Amity Park.

“Yep, got it sis.” A pause. “Uh huh.”

“No, no need, I’ll take him myself.”

“Of course I do.”

“No, it’ll be fine. A short trip up.”

“Will can do what needs to be done.”

“Yes I’m sure.”

“Uh huh. See ya then.”

“Take care Maddie.” Alicia put down the phone and turned to Danny, seemingly unsurprised to see him leaning against the wall. “Well, I’ll be driving you back up to Amity in a few days.”

Danny nodded, not looking particularly taken back, despite the fact that his aunt hadn’t gone up to Amity in the past 10 years or so.

The corners of Alice’s mouth turned up, “alright then, make sure you’re ready. It’ll take a couple days, since you can’t help with driving, but it should be a nice enough trip.”

“Anything to do before then?”

“Nope, the only thing left to do is to check on the truck. As much of a help as you’ve been with the tractor, I’ll be doing that. You just make sure you help out Will with any odd jobs before then.” Alice scratched the back of her neck. “Uuh, ya excited to be heading back?”

Danny shrugged his shoulders. “I guess.” He looked out the kitchen window, “I’ll miss being here though. I know I caused some trouble when I first got here, but it grew on me.” Danny smiled softly.

“It has a way of doing that,” Alice agreed. “Well, let’s get back to work then. It doesn’t stop for rain nor shine.”

Danny finished loading up his bags in the short backseat and closed the back door. Hauling himself into the front passenger seat, he closed the front door.

“Got everything squared away?”

“Yep. Double checked and everything.” Turning to grin at her, “but if I forgot anything, that just means I’ll have to come back.”

Alice laughed and shifted the gear to start the truck rumbling down the path. Soon enough, bouncing along the road, a dust cloud behind them, the farm was swallowed up by trees.

The journey itself was uneventful. The mountains turning to valleys turning to farms turning to small cities and large ones, a one night stop at a motel, then back on the road, and finally Danny recognized the outskirts of Elmerton in the distance. He could feel the rumbling of something in his stomach, and it solidified into a nervous ball when they crossed the town limits.

Elmerton had enough tall buildings that Danny couldn’t see over into Amity Park, but he could feel the flow of ambient ectoplasm moving about like chem trails, signifying the presence of a visiting ghost. Next to him, Alice clutched the steering wheel hard enough to turn her knuckles white. Coming to a red light, she glanced over at Danny and noticed his pinched eyebrows, eyes on her hands. She sighed softly, relaxing her hands and hitting the accelerator when the light turned. The sun filtered through the buildings, casting long lines of shadow that waved over the truck passing through. Danny turned to look out the window, head in hand, braced against the door. It was quiet, no ghostly interference on this side of town. Nevertheless, he could feel the ectoplasm that floated in Amity’s air reach out tendrils in Danny’s direction. Welcoming him home, beckoning him closer, wanting to wrap him up in its embrace. He shuddered. After getting used to a non-ecto infused environment, the not quite alive reaction of the ectoplasm felt like a slimy slick hand on his shoulder, slipping off before trying to embrace him again. He didn’t notice Alice next to him, her breathing becoming shallow and quick.

As the truck crossed over the interstate separating the two cities, Danny shuddered, feeling the sharp contrast of a decidedly unhaunted city to one that almost had more ghostly visitors than alive ones. He could feel the boundary like he was pulled through a film, the ectoplasmic residue clinging to his skin on the other side, settling back into his nose and lungs, coating the back of his throat and cooling his hands. It wasn’t enough that someone like Valerie – fully human - would notice, but being so attuned to the presence of ectoplasm as a being shaped by it, Danny could feel it like a physical weight, bearing down heavier on him the closer they sped to FentonWorks. Alice’s hands lightly shook as she clasped the stick to shift down.

Pulling up to the side of FentonWorks, Alice stopped the car. They both sat there for a moment, breathing in the quiet of the street, before a far-off blaster shot echoed in the distance. Danny turned to Alice, a wobbly smile on his face, “home sweet home,” he said, punctuating it with a little laugh.

Alice looked past him to the door, then back to Danny. “I suppose so,” mouth set in a thin line.

Danny turned away, not wanting to parse what Alicia was feeling, and unclicked his seat belt. He opened the door to slide out of the truck. Alice followed him out and walked around to knock on the front door. As her first rap against the door ended, weapons sprung out of the sides of the walls, focused down on her. Alice jumped back a little as a light popped out of the door, scanning Alice from head to toe. “Freaky,” she muttered darkly as something dinged and the door clicked open, the differential air pressure opening it further. Alice turned back around to Danny, “What was that?”

Danny shrugged, “It seems Mom and Dad added some things while I was away.”

Alice gaped at Danny. “Added some things? What was it like before?”

Popping open the back door to grab his bags Danny said over his shoulder, “Oh, the weapons have been there since the first house defense upgrade, but the unlocking is new.”

Alice looked back to the door. “That’s the new part?” She hesitantly reached a hand out and tapped the door hard enough to swing it open the rest of the way. She leaned forward a little. “Uuuh,” she started, peering in. Clearing her throat, she spoke up, “Anyone home? I’ve got your boy back Maddie!”

Danny walked up beside her. “I wouldn’t wait for an answer Aunt Alice. It’s best to just walk in and take a seat.” Danny did so himself, setting his bags next to the stairs and walking back to the truck. Alice walked in, tentatively lowering herself down to the couch, and looked around wide eyed.

“Just what in the world has my sister been up to?” she said mostly to herself.

The slamming of a door and a loud beep sounded out as the truck was closed and locked. Danny walked in with Alice’s bag and closed the door behind him. “Seen anyone yet?” he asked.

Alice swung her head around to stare at Danny, “No, not yet.” She gestured around at the living room, a myriad of objects on the table, hung on the wall, or thrown onto a shelf. “Danny, what is all this?”

Danny barely glanced down before making his way to the kitchen, “probably broken ghost inventions. I wouldn’t touch any of them though, they can be a bit, well, temperamental.”

The sound of a cabinet door squeaking open, running water, and Danny came back with a water glass for himself and Alice. “Here ya go,” he said, holding one of them out.

Alice absently took the glass and sipped from it. Choking and spluttering, she set the glass down on the coffee table, slapping a hand against her leg. She collected herself, wheezing, and looked up as green light tinted her peripheral vision.

“Oh Alice! And Danny!! I didn’t hear you two come in,” Maddie said after exiting the downstairs lab. She quickly went over and swept Danny up into a big hug. “Oh, I missed my sweet little baby boy.” Giving Danny one last squeeze, she stepped over to Alice to do the same.

A clang could be heard, echoing up the lab stairs and then some thumps as Jack made his way up. Danny set his glass down in anticipation. No sooner did Jack realize Danny was home than he rushed over, knocking over a chair in the process, scooping Danny up into a bone crushing hug. “DANNY BOY!” was shouted right into his ear.

Danny did his best to move his wrists enough to pat his dad back. “Hey Dad. Just got back.” He paused and with no indication that Jack was going to let go anytime soon, “Can you let me go now? It’s hard to breathe.”

Jack, embarrassed, let him go, giving him a firm pat on the back, “Sorry about that, I was just so excited to see you back home! JAAAAAZZIE-PANTS!” He called out.

Alice clasped a hand to her ear, scowling as Maddie looked on fondly. “Oh honey, no need to yell like that.” She turned to face her sister. “It’s so good to see you here Alice. I don’t remember the last time you visited and things have changed so much since then. Jazz was just toddling around and we still had the play pen set up for Danny.” Taking a seat, she pulled on Alice’s sleeve, inviting her to sit next to her. “I missed you,” Maddie said.

Alice coughed and looked around the room, “I missed you too Maddie. If you ever want to visit the farm more often, you could.”

Maddie laughed and waved her hand around, “Oh our work keeps us so busy nowadays. Speaking of, I hope you didn’t run into any ghosts on your drive in?” Eyes twinkling, Maddie waited for the answer.

Alice frowned at her, “No, we didn’t,” and watched as her eyes dimmed a little.

“Aah well, that’s alright, I’m glad you two made the trip up here safely. Speaking of, I was thinking we could all head out for dinner tonight? I know it’s not often you’re in the city, so it might be nice.”

Jack leaned down to Danny and whispered conspiratorially, “We had an ecto sample explode in the fridge. All the food is completely inedible, but wouldn’t you know it? The old chicken and hot dogs started a little kingdom in there. Fascinating stuff Danny. Really.” He looked over at him, “Would you like to meet them?”

Danny grimaced more than smiled, “Uuuh no thanks Dad. I think I want to get started unpacking instead.”

Slapping a hand to his forehead, “That’s right! I won’t keep you Danny. Go take your bags up to your room, we’ll visit with your aunt down here.”

A boom echoed through the neighborhood and Maddie jumped, starting to reach a hand for her blaster before relaxing, continuing the conversation she was having with Alice. Danny stopped briefly to grab his bags and headed up the stairs towards his room. As he reached the top, Jazz’s door clicked open and she stepped out.

“Danny! You’re back!” she said. Stepping forward, she wrapped Danny up in a hug, chin poking into his head as she said, “I missed you little brother.”

Danny awkwardly stood there holding his bags, “Missed you too Jazz.” He swayed a bag a little to knock into her leg.

“Oh!” she said, releasing him, “Sorry, I’ll let you get to your room.” Smiling at Danny for a moment, Jazz started down the stairs.

As Danny kicked his door open, he heard Jazz greet their aunt. Dropping his bags down in front of his dresser, he jumped up onto his bed. “Uuuuuuuugh,” the groan rumbling throughout his chest. He breathed out, then rolled over onto his back, arms flung out and over the sides of his bed. Danny stared up at the glow in the dark stars, stuck on his ceiling years ago. He had barely been gone for a couple months, but already his room felt slightly foreign - like returning somewhere he didn’t fit into anymore. It was like an old sweater you found again after a few years. Slipping it on and knowing every seam, texture, and fold as it settles around you, but no longer the same comforting weight – a little too thin, worn at the elbows and a hem starting to unstitch itself. Not as soft as you wanted to remember. Exactly the same, but time having polished away the fondness that once endeared it to you.

Danny rolled over onto his side, staring into his closet. The sliding door left cracked open from when Danny slammed it shut, the recoil pushing it back open before he left. He heard the cadence of a conversation float up the stairs and he closed his eyes.

Waking up to someone shaking his shoulder, he blinked awake. His room had darkened with the setting of the sun and Danny felt groggy. “MmMMMmm?” he hummed.

“Danny, we’re going to head out to the Nasty Burger for dinner. You gonna get up and come with?”

Danny bolted up, smacking his head into Jazz’s hand still hovering above him. “Up! I’m up!” he said.

Jazz chuckled, “See you downstairs,” and left his room.

Danny braced himself on his arms, letting the thrum of his heart settle back down from the adrenaline rush. After a moment he swung his legs down. A quick detour to the second floor bathroom later and Danny joined everyone else downstairs.

“Alright, now that we’ve got everyone here – to the GAV!” Jack announced.

Danny sleepily followed Jazz out to the garage and clambered into his seat. Alice, who was following Danny, stopped at the open door. Looking around the retrofitted RV, she hummed and side-eyed Jack who had turned the key in the GAV, prompting the consol to light up in a variety of buttons and gauges. She stepped into the back and climbed into one of the open seats. Maddie closed the door behind Alice and got herself into the passenger seat. After clicking her seatbelt in and checking that the kids had as well, she pushed a button, the garage doors clanking open behind them. Jack flipped on the headlights and backed out of the garage.

“Hold on,” Danny hissed up to Alice, who in turn, grabbed onto the hold bar at the top of the door.

Once Jack cleared the sidewalk and safely backed onto the street, he stepped on the gas and catapulted the GAV down the street, careening around corners, and speeding through yellow lights till they swayed to a halt in the Nasty Burger parking spot. Jazz sighed, Danny let out his breath, and Alice looked a little green. “ Does your husband always drive like that Maddie?”

Maddie turned around, unclicking her seatbelt, “Like what, Alice?”

Alice eyed Jack nervously before looking back at her sister, “Uuuuh. Nevermind Maddie. Let’s go,” and she opened up the sliding door to shakily step out.

The Fentons and Alice went into the Nasty Burger, quickly ordering food and sitting down at a booth. The chatter of the restaurant was pleasant, if a little overwhelming to Danny. He decided to listen to his family’s conversation and looked out the window. As Alice asked after Jazz’s college adventures, Danny saw a bright blast light up the sky. He blinked and took a moment to process as a streak slithered through the air. A ghost! He turned around, nudged Jazz out of the booth, and slid out with a halfhearted excuse about the bathroom before making his exit. Hiding behind the dumpster, Danny transformed and flew off after the ghost that he could still see winding around the tops of buildings. The trusty Fenton thermos clattered against his leg as the wind whipped Danny’s hair into his face. Coming up to a stop, he watched the ghost slow down over the park, then dive down. Danny pushed himself into action, darting into the tree tops to see where it went. He heard the whine of a blaster charge up below him and Danny looked down. Tucker stood there, a small blaster leveled at the backside of the ghost. Danny flew up towards the sky and starting arcing down the other side. Before he could do much, Sam ran out from the other side of the trees shooting at the ghost. A low hum joined the chorus of weapons and Danny turned invisible as the Red Huntress caught up to the ghost.

Danny drifted up higher, watching the teamwork between the three of them. They quickly captured the ghost. He lazily drifted down to the trio.

“Huh, didn’t know you guys would team up,” Danny said, turning visible.

Tucker flinched and the girls rolled their eyes.

“Hey Danny,” Sam greeted.

Valerie retracted her helmet and stared at Phantom for a moment before, “Hi, Danny.”

Danny’s eyebrows flew up, pinched together.

Tucker laughed at his expression as it quickly morphed into a look of betrayal aimed at Sam and Tucker.

“Sorry Danny,” Sam looked away. “Val kind of… figured it out?”

“Sam!” Danny hissed, voice crackling like steam. “What does that mean?” His eyes darted back to Valerie, who just stood there, looking conflicted.

“Exactly what I said Danny!”

Danny shifted so he could stand on the ground. “But how?” He was starting to get angry at the lack of answers. It hadn’t even been two months and without being around Valerie somehow pieced together his biggest secret?

Tucker’s laughter died down.

“It’s – Danny please don’t be mad,” Valerie spoke up. Her eyes darted around the clearing before landing back on Danny. “When Phantom disappeared after Fenton left it wasn’t hard to figure out you two were connected somehow. And then Dani stopped by in town and-“

“Dani came back?” Danny interrupted. He glowered at Sam and Tucker, eyes glowing brighter for a moment.

“It wasn’t a big deal!” Tucker tried to defend.

“Yeah!” Sam chimed in. “She was here for like, a day? Maybe? Hardly worth mentioning. She spent most of it playing pranks on Vlad.”

“And Valerie met up with her? But not me?” Danny voice raised in pitch, “I missed seeing my cousin and you didn’t say a word?!? I thought I wouldn’t have had to tell you two that Dani coming back would be something important to mention.”

Tucker’s shoulders crept up to his ears.

Sam rolled her eyes. “Really, Danny, it is so not a big deal. We didn’t even know for most of that day. She only came to see us towards the end of her stop.”

Danny’s core felt a sting go through it.

“Did she know I was coming back?”

“Yeah dude, we mentioned you were sent to your aunt’s farm. She asked about you! Promise! Once she realized that, she told us she’d try to stop by to see you. Seemed really excited to check out a farm.”

“Although,” Sam chimed in, “I don’t think she realized you’d be back so soon? If you never saw her, she probably got distracted by something on her way.” Seeing Danny’s sad expression, Sam said, “I’m sure she’ll be back to visit you, Danny. She did say she’d stop by at least a few times a year to check in, right?”

Danny sighed. “Yeah. I’m just bummed that I missed her. And with no way to get into contact with her,” he trailed off.

“Actually,” Valerie started, “Uhm, I gave her a little, well, kind of like a cell phone? It can make calls, but it’s also got a little button to send a distress signal to my suit if need be? And seeing as it’s never gone off, Dani’s okay. Ok, Danny?”

Danny looked down at the ground. “Alright. I guess that’s better.” He looked preoccupied - lost in thought and still a little sullen.

Sam, Tucker, and Valerie exchanged glances with one another over Danny’s bowed head.

Valerie gave a little cough. Seeing Danny head twitch at that, she said, “I saw Dani transform after one of her pranks. I was stopping by Vlad’s office to see if I could find anything new.” Valerie paused. “She looks a lot like you Danny. And once I saw that, and my suit recognized her like any other human, I approached her. She explained a lot to me and after getting lunch, I brought her around to Sam and Tucker.”

Danny looked up at his best friends. “Really? Valerie had to bring Dani to you guys?”

Sam nodded and watched Danny’s expression lift at the confirmation.

“Anyway, Sam didn’t tell me anything, but Tucker told me about the whole,” she waved her hands around, “Cujo? The ghost dog thing.” She sighed. “It wasn’t easy to sort through it all, but I realized that I was being really unfair to you Danny. I’m sorry for not hearing you out about it earlier.”

Danny shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “Oh, well. That’s? Ok? I mean it’s not okay okay, but I understand. Why you acted like you did. Life dealt you a really bad hand with everything and you were dealing with a lot with your dad and his job and the A Listers and everything so – “ a hand settled on his shoulder.

“Danny,” Valerie cut in. “You don’t to forgive me right away. I’ve had a few weeks to deal with this. I just wanted you to know that I know about your … situation and that we – Red Huntress and Phantom – are cool now.” A bell tolled somewhere in the town. Valerie looked up at the street lamps turning on. “Anyway, I’ve got to get back, but it was nice to see you Danny.” She gave him a little smile, activated her hoverboard and helmet, and flew off.

Watching Valerie fly off, all three of them stood still for a moment.

“Well,” Danny started, “I’ve got to get back.”

As he started moving to walk off, Sam grabbed his arm, “Are you mad at us?”

Danny turned around. “No, Sam. I’m not. I just – I’ve had a long day and I want to go eat dinner. Can we get talk about this tomorrow?”

“Promise? I’ve got a new game I can bring over to play,” Tucker offered.

Danny smiled at them, “That sounds good. I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

Danny started walking backwards and turned invisible from one step to the next. He flipped up into the air and flew off, back to the Nasty Burger. He transformed in a stall, washed his hands, and walked out to the booth. As everyone turned to look at him, Danny’s neck flushed red. “Hi.”

“You doing alright Danny?” Jack asked.

“Uuuh yeah, just,” Danny paused, “had to take a dump?” He slid into the booth, Jazz pushing over his tray of food.

“If you say so m’boy.” Jack shoved more fries into his mouth.

Jazz scolded her father for his manners and Maddie smiled fondly at her eldest.

Danny inhaled a third of his burger and as he took a sip of pop, looked over at his aunt. Alice had a smile on her face, but it was stretched a little thin, eyes crinkling right underneath them, a fist on the table and body turned, supported by the window and booth back. Danny went back to eating his burger. Aunt Alice had looked like she was in pain that she was trying to hide ever since they entered Amity Park’s borders earlier. He hoped she would be fine considering Maddie had wrangled her into staying for a couple days. Danny ended up ordering another burger and Jazz decided to split a small shake with Maddie. Once they had finished eating, they climbed back into the GAV and headed home. Danny started feeling sleepy again, leaning his head on the cool window, watching the streetlights pass by. Jazz looked over at her brother, noticing how relaxed he looked. She missed him.

“You know Danny,” she started, “you look so much more relaxed than before.”

Danny glanced over at her. “I’m not giving you the satisfaction of saying you were right.”

Jazz smiled softly as Danny’s head rolled back against the window. “I wouldn’t expect anything else little brother,” she whispered.

___

Danny heard the clicks and whine of the Fenton door weapons activate and after a few seconds, the doorbell rang out. He left his room, heading down the stairs to hear his mom invite Sam and Tucker in.

“Hey guys,” he called down the half flight of stairs. He waited for them to start walking up before he turned around and led them to his room.

Pushing open his door, he dropped onto his chair. Tucker grabbed a spot on his bed and Sam, after closing the door, took a spot at the foot of the bed.

“So,” Sam started.

“So,” Tucker added.

“Soooo,” Danny finished, “any thing else I should really know that you didn’t bother to update me on?”

Tucker winced at Danny’s tone.

“Nope,” Sam popped the p. “Vlad’s still mayor,” she ticked up a finger. “No new halfas that we know of, no new ghosts.”

“Oh!” Tucker interjected. “Dash had a wipe out on a skateboard.” He looked smug, “I caught it on video, wanna see?”

“Yes!” Danny cheered, leaning forward to watch.

Sam scoffed at them, but she also leaned in.

After catching up on all the little things Danny missed over the summer – a new girl moved in next to Tucker, Sam’s petitions and protests, teaming up with Valerie – Danny stood up and stretched. His spine let out a loud crack and Tucker gaped at him.

“Geez, are you okay? What were you even doing on that farm?”

“Yeah Danny, you sounded like my Bubeleh and she’s, like, 80.”

Danny laughed, sitting back down. “Actually, I think that was because I’ve been sitting so much the past few days. I was pretty active before that.” He thought for a moment. “I might be able to beat Dash in a race now.”

Tucker snorted, “I don’t know dude, he decided to start working on his legs this summer. He’s no longer, like, a Dorito with sticks for legs.”

Sam definitely didn’t giggle as she said, “But sure, we’ll take your word for it, Danny.”

Danny rolled his eyes as he sat back in the chair. “Alright, enough teasing me.”

“Yeah, let’s talk about Sam ditching our elective class to take environmental sciences. Can you believe she disrupted our carefully crafted schedule that ensured we shared as many classes as possible just for? What was it? The earth? Can you believe Same is ditching us like this?”

“Huh,” Danny said, he turned to Sam, “what’s that class even about.”

Sam glared over at Tucker before looking at Danny, “I’m glad someone here is taking an interest in the important things in life.” Sam launched into an hour long explanation. After the first five minutes, Tucker had pulled out his PDA to play a game, mouthing along to parts of Sam’s explanation from time to time. Danny got the basic idea shortly after that. He started to tune out, thinking about school. How in 2 short weeks, he’d be back in the classroom, probably juggling ghost attacks, Dash, the other A Listers, homework, and sitting in a cramped chair for hours on end. The sun coming through his window warmed Danny’s side. He glanced outside at the street. A bird flew across, but otherwise it was buildings, sidewalk, and asphalt as far as he could see. No green at all. He wondered if Undergrowth would make another appearance, and if Danny could convince him to –

“Danny, are you even listening to me?” Sam’s sharp voice called out.

Danny whipped his head away from the window, “Uh, yeah, Sam, I’m listening. You were saying something about,” he searched his short term memory, “the climate?”

Sam huffed and crossed her arms, “So, as I was saying – “

“As she was saying,” Tucker interrupted. “She’s shamelessly ditching us, Danny. Can you believe it?” Tucker slid dramatically off the bed and grabbed Danny’s jeans, “and Sam doesn’t even care!” he cried.

“Tucker, you know that’s not it,” Sam reprimanded. “Besides, didn’t you sign up for Advanced Algebra or Calculus or something? You’re also ditching us.”

Turning around to face her, Tucker gasped. “How. Dare. You. It’s Finite/Brief Calculus and that’s only because they refused to put me in the computer class again this year.”

Danny laughed, “That’s because you hacked the school’s computers and played that banana song over the intercom for all of lunch.

“Because peanut butter jelly time is a classic,” Tucker grumbled. He got up, sitting back on the bed. “Anyway, you should have your schedule by now too. Have you looked at it?”

Danny rubbed the back of his neck, “eh? I think my parents handed it to me this morning, but I didn’t take a look.”

“Oh, well then what are you waiting for? Let’s see it! I want to see how many classes we share this year!” Sam demanded.

Danny sat up in his chair and rolled over to his desk. Grabbing the school letter, he opened it, gave the schedule a once over, and then surrendered it to his friends. Sam grabbed the paper and her and Tucker leaned over it.

“It looks like we share PE again Danny,” Tucker held up his hand for a high five as he continued looking at the schedule.

“We all share chemistry this year, right before lunch,” Sam added.

“Oh nice. And look – we end the day together in art too,” Tucker pointed with his other hand. Sam and Tucker looked over at Danny. “Dude?”

Danny stared past them, eyes not focusing on anything. When Tucker waved his hand in front of his face, he jolted back to focus and gave a half hearted smile as he high fived Tuck. “Yeah, that’s great.”

Sam narrowed her eyes at Danny, “that doesn’t sound very enthusiastic. Are you not excited for this year Danny?”

A shrug was her answer. “I don’t know.”

Tucker glanced over at Sam, “What do you mean? When you finished summer school, you seemed pretty thrilled to finalize your schedule request and send it in.”

Danny looked out the window, “Yeah, I know. And I was.”

“Was?” Sam echoed.

“Well, this summer on the farm was a lot different. I liked it, being outside and stuff. Working on things, knowing that I was making a difference for people.”

“Danny,” Tucker started. “Do you not want to be in Amity anymore?”

Danny whipped his head to stare at Tucker, “Oh course I want to be here! I missed you guys so much! And I missed a lot of other stuff too!”

“Danny.” Sam waited until he looked at her. “You can have missed us, and not want be in Amity Park.”

Danny dropped his gaze to the carpet between their feet. “Yeah, I know that. I do want to be here. I do!”

He fell silent, struggling for a moment.

“I just – it’s so much, you know? The ghosts, and Dash, and school, and my parents, and all of it. It’s so much, all the time, without a break. And I don’t feel like I have a choice in any of it either. Obviously I can’t skip school and I can’t avoid Dash. We live in the same town after all, and there’s only like, three places for teenagers to hang out. And then the ghosts on top of that! And the ghosts are here because of my parent’s portal, but I’m the one that turned it on – I can’t just ignore that the ghosts are causing problems even if I want to. I don’t feel like I have a choice but to take responsibility and step in. And I know you guys have been helping Val and stuff, but -” Danny shrugged his shoulders.

“I like being on the farm. It’s quiet. And even when there are ghosts,” he noticed their faces, “– and there are ghosts,” Danny confirmed, “they’re different! They don’t cause trouble. It’s like,” Danny waved his hand around, “everything’s so close to the cycle of living and dying and everything has it’s time from the plants to the animals and like – uuuuugh,” Danny threw his hands up. “I don’t know how to explain it. Death is always a part of living and everyone out there is used to it being a part of life, so when it happens it’s less of a tragedy?” Danny looked away. “I guess,” he scratched his arm and fell quiet.

Sam and Tucker looked at Danny, waiting for him to clear up what he was trying to say. The wind pushed against his window, a slight whistle from uneven weathering strips cutting through the quiet of the room. Danny sighed and looked at the ground in front of his feet. “I feel like less of a freak for dying and coming back when I’m out there.”

“Oh Danny!” Sam moved forward.

Tucker let out a quiet “Danny”.

Danny pushed away from them in his chair, rolling back some. Rubbing his arms he said “I mean, I know I’m not a freak or anything, but it’s hard to forget that I died when I’m in Amity, you know? I can’t escape reminders of it and that it makes me different from everyone else. When I’m out there on the farm it’s just? I feel at rest.” He laughed, “that’s stupid isn’t it?” He ran a hand through his hair. Looking up at them, “A ghost who feels at rest. But DAMN! I do, getting to be part of life and death like that makes me feel normal – I feel like I belong out there.”

“Danny,” Tucker glanced over at Sam before turning back, “Danny, do you want to stay there?”

“Tucker!” Sam admonished, “I don’t think –“

Danny laughed, “Yeah, I think I might want to…. Would you hate me if I left you guys again?”

Sam rushed forward to pull Danny into a hug. “Oh Danny, I don’t think we could ever hate you.”

Tucker joined in, “Yeah, we’ll just have to visit you.”

Danny’s smile was smushed against both their shoulders.

“Do you think I could get internet out there?”

And all three of them laughed.

_________

“So, that’s what I want to do. If I can,” Danny said. He stared at the coffee table in front of him. His parents sat on the couch across from him.

“Well, Danny, I don’t know if we’ll be able to do that.”

“But if that’s what you want, we’ll support you son!”

Danny looked up and gave him parents a smile, “Thanks.”

_______

It turned out Alice was familiar with the work programs that the local school utilized for their students. It consisted of students taking the core classes, like math and science, in the mornings, and then working on the farm in the afternoons.

The trick was getting Casper High to agree. But between Alice and Maddie, there was no trouble convincing Principal Ishiyama and Mr. Lancer that Danny would be better off in the modified program. As long as he came back to take the state proficiency tests, he could even still earn credit for Casper High’s records without having to transfer them back and forth.

Within a few days, Alice, and now Danny, climbed back into the truck, ready to head back down to Arkansas.

“Bye!” Danny called, waving out of the window.

A chorus of bye’s and love you’s sent Danny off as they drove away.

Extra:

“Come on,” Danny laughed as he looked at his friends struggling up the side of the silo.

Tucker’s hand slid off a rung and he yelped.

Looking up at Danny, Sam asked, “are you sure this is safe Danny?”

Laughing again, Danny started climbing again, “Sure is. Besides, I can always catch you guys before you hit the ground.”

“Wow, that’s sooo reassuring,” Sam grumbled.

Reaching the top of the dome, Danny disappeared from both their sights. They heard some clangs before his head popped back over the edge, “come on! Hurry!” He grinned at Tucker’s frown as Sam reached him first. Danny disappeared again as he gave Sam room to clamor up. Soon enough, both their heads popped back over the side. Twin grins met Tucker as he finished climbing up. Hands thrust towards Tucker, he grabbed them and let himself be pulled up the rest of the way.

“Okay, we’re here. What are we supposed to be doing?” Tucker asked as they crawled their way to the middle of the silo.

Danny sat down, and pointing up said, “Look.”

“Oooh,” Sam breathed.

“Wow,” Tucker added.

The sky stretched up above them, shades of blue creating a fabric where streams of stars traveled across the expanse. Blushes of red and green broke up the inky darkness and stars twinkled back and forth. A light breeze caressed the trio and they laid back, enjoying the view.

#ectoimplosion2024 #danny phantom #danny fenton #danny phantom alicia #danny phantom fic #the bee writes #it is very late so i'll look over things once i sleep... i'm hoping there's nothing weird happening with format #ok! it's now later. I've got the AO3 posted and linked #warnings: there is a farm accident and therefore brief mention of an injury. also a brief mention of animal death #ao3 separates out the “injury chapter” so if you want to skip that part and get a summary of what happens then you should head there #this is the longest thing i've ever written actually. and most of it was written in the last 2 weeks.#every time i join a phandom event something happens irl: a case study (in this case it was multiple things)

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strayed-quokka · 1 month ago

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babydoll || ji changmin || act ii

↳ Changmin isn’t popular nor is he rich, whereas you run on the other end of the spectrum, spoilt and living on your dads credit card. when you’re tasked with kicking him out of the biggest party of your year, you come to realise he’s not all that bad. unfortunately, falling in love with the ji changmin is your one way ticket to social suicide.

↳ pairing: ji changmin x female reader + ex lee juyeon x female reader

!!! this is not a love triangle !!!

~ rating: NC-17 minors please do not interact with this work

↳ genre: enemies to acquaintances to reluctant friends to lovers, slowburn, drama, angst, happy end but it takes a long ass time, rich girl broke ass uni boy

~ warnings: everyone still kinda sucks, juyeon is toxic and a red flag, manipulation, emotional abuse, toxic relationships, family abuse (implied, vaguely shown), bullying, reader is still a pain to deal with, alcohol, drug use, the classism is strong in this one still, implications of an eating disorder, body issues, body modifications (tongue and nipple piercings), changmin is basically a chainsmoker but we love him, minnie teaching ya'll and reader how to roll a cigarette, cocaine is common, so is imported wine, swearing, pet names (little doll, doll, darling, princess), whore and bitch, suicidal ideation, mild violence, first degree burns, taller reader with long hair, is anyone redeemable?

everyone is an adult in their 20s

!!! if I missed anything or I remember something else I will add it !!!

↳ words: 28,173

a/n: this is late. I apologise this shit is long as hell to edit and it broke tumblr and my computer.

I have said this previously but I will be stating this every chapter. There are some specific physical attributes to this reader which I usually avoid doing but for the story itself it was necessary.

Also, please note that the warnings are applicable to the chapter in question, not necessarily the whole story. You can find all the general warnings on the masterlist to babydoll. I also take no responsibility if you take issue with the topics and characters at hand once proceeding as I would hope you have read the warnings beforehand. If there is something I did genuinely miss in the warnings you are more than welcome to tell me though, since there is a lot and some might get overlooked.

let me know if you wanna be on the taglist and please I beg love up on this changmin he's taking all the strength I have and possess.

babydoll playlist || act i

You could go without hearing Changmin’s voice for the rest of your life. It’s not that it was an unattractive tone or that it was harsh, but it was the person behind it that immediately brought you to a halt. There was a very big part of you that almost knew what this was going to be about, and you were set on avoiding it.

It was the very first time you didn’t stay to catch his attention. You walked away, heading down the stairs to the first floor in an attempt to shake him off. But Changmin was stubborn in his pursuit of you, especially today, and he persisted in running after you until he caught up and stood right in front of you to block your path.

“Why am I wrapped up in a rumour that you want to fuck me?”

It’s painfully embarrassing to hear those words from him. You’d expected it, given that in the past few days, the looks you’d received were ones that made you feel cornered, like prey being chased. Chanhee had even asked you, in a tone that sounded so judgemental that for a moment you thought he’d slipped into the opposing side. Juyeon’s side.

Hyunjae had been worse. You’d deemed him a maybe friend, especially considering how he’d been standing up for you recently, but his tone, like he was amused and laughing at your massive fuck up and that it was somehow funny to him, had made you cold towards him.

Younghoon was a nightmare. He’d grabbed your long hair by the roots and dragged you into an empty hallway to shame you. You’d embarrassed Juyeon and everyone knew about it. You fucked your ex boyfriend, used him for his money like a whore and then had the audacity to think about someone else.

It’s not like you had wanted to.

It had been an honest mistake, a thought that fell away from you.

Your social status had fallen to a new low. To a degree that had even Chanhee wary of speaking to you around others. You didn’t blame him, as you knew if it had been him, you’d likely cast him out much the same. See, that was the thing in both your circles, when it was all wealth and appearance and nothing of substance. Looks mattered, behaviour mattered, how awful you were to keep it perfect didn’t matter at all.

You missed Chanhee but you didn’t beg for him. He spoke to you when he desired, asked if you were okay, even apologised once when you were alone, but the damage was done.

Chanhee couldn’t fully understand it either. He knew you so well, he knew you’d never jeopardise yourself to this extent, so how were you possibly so stupid?

You straighten your posture but you’re more nervous than usual, hiding your palms underneath your hoodie as you fiddle with the sleeves.

Yes, the same hoodie the man before you had returned perfectly new, wearing it like an oversized dress with heels that once again made you just a little taller, and right now, it reassured you. You were above him, both physically and in status, and that still remained true. He would never be better than you.

“Says who?”

You’re stoic and nonchalant in your behaviour, even ice cold as you try to keep all your expressions away from his prying eyes, but Changmin only raises his brows and leans against the wall in disbelief because he doesn’t believe it. You’re not sure why he doesn’t, anyone usually would, but he looks at you like you’re see through, like everything is laid out in front of him, like he knows you down to the bone and it makes you extremely uncomfortable to know that he’s analysing you for more than just your body.

“Half the school is asking me why you moan my fucking name when some asshole fucks you and your concern is who?”

To be perfectly fair, both were of your concern. The fact that so many people approached a social outcast to ask him what the fuck you were doing, what you had done, all because Juyeon ran his mouth, just as much as who specifically had been the one to bring this to Changmin’s attention.

“Juyeon?”

“No, though I hear he’s been riding out the emotionally torn up victim perfectly,” you almost laugh because you can imagine it so well. Juyeon’s ego had been bruised and he had to run around so that everyone would know about it, but you caught yourself by hiding the slight smile behind your hand.

It wasn’t funny.

“I really don’t care, you know? You can fantasise about me all you want. Is that why you kept my hoodie?”

He’d been so close. So close to making you take a step back, if even just for a minute to tell him it was okay. Because the reality, as much as you hated it, was that none of this was really Changmin’s fault, even if you wanted it to be.

And then he went and ruined it, and it made you snap.

“You think I fucking like Juyeon going around telling people that I said someone else’s name when I fucked him?! Like you so graciously told me to?!

“I didn’t-”

“Don’t you think I’m humiliated enough?! It’s so fucking embarassing that it had to be you,” and that’s when you break. The cruelty of your words aren’t lost on you, but the emotional torment and humiliation you feel is even worse. You don’t let yourself, but it happens almost on its own when you start to cry, and you never cry.

Not like this, but the tears fall so freely that you couldn’t catch the droplets between your fingers even if you tried, and Changmin just stands there like an idiot. He stands there and you’re not sure if it’s because he’s amused in watching your vulnerability or because he genuinely feels bad, but either feel equally as bad at this point.

You run away as a result, and this time it proves successful as Changmin doesn’t seem to be following you, so you keep going. You run all the way to your car and when the door closes you allow yourself to really break, because you feel like your life is ruined. You feel like everything you worked for, and everything that was so unbearably painful to work towards, was for nothing. People looked at you now and saw one thing. You were the one who hurt Juyeon, someone well loved, in a manner that is so utterly humiliating that anyone would say he deserved better.

Juyeon was never the bad guy, and you just had no idea how to possibly spin it so that he could look to be the one who’d caused you more pain than you’d caused him. For the truth to your relationship had ran deep behind closed doors and you’d never let anyone in on it, and yet you slip up once and he lets the mask fall on who you are.

At least, who you are in his eyes.

You were sure now more than ever before that you and Juyeon were over, and it was like experiencing a break up all over again. It hurt, a lot, because there was once a time in which you would’ve said you maybe loved him. And the reality of him at the very least never caring to preserve your dignity and appearances when he knew how hard you worked for it and what you did to attain it, was a brutal reality that you simply did not want to face.

Weeks go by and you’re sure your life has hit a wall that you’ll never get over. You felt dramatic, sure, but you were certain you could simply cease to exist and it wouldn’t really matter anymore. It wasn’t that you’d made any plans at your life. It was more so a feeling of if you faded away, would it even make a difference?

You didn’t think it would. You’d let yourself sink to the status that Juyeon had asked for. You crashed, horrifically, falling so depressed that getting to class was a challenge, much less looking presentable. Your endless pairs of heels were replaced with trainers, ones you liked from dior but not nearly as graceful and elegant as what you usually had on, and you practically lived in hoodies that posed as dresses because they were just about long enough.

You still wore make up, but it was far less intricate than before, and your hair was usually up in a high ponytail because you just wanted it out of your face, and you wanted to hide the fact that you barely had the energy to brush through it.

Everything was tiring. Having everyone stare at you, treat you so far beneath yourself for something that had been no one's business was an awful, terrifyingly isolating feeling. You’d never been more aware of your appearance ever before as you were now, and yet you’d also never been as unenthused to fix it in your life. What was the point when the looks were the same. You were judged, beneath them.

You’d sunk to Changmin’s status, and for the first time you wondered how he could do it. How was he able to brush almost anything off, to seem so unbothered, when he was being torn apart from all directions. You’d done it to him, but you’d seen others do it far worse, and yet he acted just the same. It was something you wished you knew how to mirror, for maybe then it would at least earn you some respect back where he couldn’t, because he lacked the privilege you had.

Chanhee had brought you a coffee in the morning, your absolute favourite order and therefore you knew how expensive it was. A mix of extra shots of coffee and syrup, but it was refreshing and made you smile as he kissed the top of your head. You appreciated it more than he probably knew, because Chanhee hadn’t been around you much in recent weeks. Ever since it happened, you wouldn’t call it distance, but more missed chances to cross each other and neither of you made an effort to fix it.

Normally, Chanhee loved to pry. He wanted all the dirt and tea he could get out of you, but it’s like he knew to not cross this line, and the end result was distance. It was ironic, really, because you could’ve really used someone to talk to. For someone to ask with a non judgemental tone what the actual fuck had happened.

Even if in truth you didn’t fully know either where the hell you had gone wrong.

Changmin had tried to talk to you one more time but you’d turned him away. It’s like he’d chosen the worst moment, exactly when Hyunjae and Juyeon turned the hallway towards you both, and if you had even considered staying for a bit to hear what he had to say, it all went out the window as they showed up. You turned so fast to run that the three of them would likely fail to catch you.

Juyeon had somehow managed to spread more rumours, because the kicked little kitten had seen you with the very man you’d thought of. It felt ridiculous, even pathetic, the way he was dragging it, and yet the way you knew to stand up for yourself was entirely lost on you. You forgot to speak, forgot how to be firmly yourself with your thoughts to tell them all to go to hell. You forgot how to exist in yourself.

You went home that day and saw Changmin’s dark hoodie laying on the edge of your bed where you’d left it in the morning, and you decided you’d had enough. You weren’t a weak person, and you were letting yourself be walked over and dragged with the name of someone you didn’t even like. Why the hell would you stand for it, like he was worth more than you?

It was five in the morning when you got ready for your lecture three hours away. You dragged yourself into your shower, your little cat watching you with peculiar eyes because you were never up this early. She knew that, so she found it rather odd and just sat there perched curiously on the counter where all your makeup was messily strewn about for someone else to clean.

Changmin might’ve forgotten about the hoodie entirely, accepting defeat and transferring ownership, but you wanted to cut any and all strings with him. You wanted to have no part of you be intertwined with him, no association or ties that meant you even knew each other.

And you would do it looking absolutely stunning.

Your dress sits so tight it threatens to hurt you, but it forms around your body well and the length is just enough to be acceptable if you tape it to your thigh before it rises above your ass. Not class appropriate, but its never bothered you before.

You decide to wear one of your three red bottom heels, the highest ones you own, the colour black to go with the same coloured dress, paired with your silver jewellery. The ridiculous hoodie in your hand ruins the entire aesthetic, but at least you’d be rid of it soon.

When your driver drops you off at school, you make the not so unusual albeit stupid decision to cut a line of cocaine on a small piece of decorated glass that you keep in the car to break and distribute the powder into lines, because you’re tired as hell and have to withstand a lot of stares today. That, and you would willingly go looking for Changmin, his piece of clothing hidden away, folded neatly and delicately in a discarded designer shopping bag from one of your many expensive trips on your exes dime.

Maybe you needed a cigarette. A bottle of wine wouldn’t hurt either.

“You look very nice today,” it was a careful voice, Hyunjae, but you frowned when you turned to look at him. He was alone, well dressed with a cologne you couldn’t recognise, rare in your case, but nice. It wasn’t overbearing, and it mirrored the man in front of you quite well.

“Since when do you take the time to give me a compliment?”

“I just think you look nice,” he sounds honest and sincere, which in truth you do believe he means. You don’t think he’s carelessly choosing to say words to make you feel better, but it still doesn’t sit well with you, so you smile at him gently and touch his shoulder to squeeze it and ask for his attention.

“Well don’t, Jae,” he lets you leave, and you’re determined more than anything to find the man you wish to blame everything on. There’s a bounce to your step, wide awake now as the drug infiltrates your bloodstream, and you’re almost a little excited to get it all over with.

You’re even more excited at the prospect of dragging Juyeon down beneath you, but that was for later.

You’d just about given up on finding Changmin when after your final class, the library proved successful in your search. However, it also proved to be a mistake. You’re not sure what the reason is, but seeing Changmin makes you stop. You hit that familiar wall, except now it's a dam and it’s threatening to break. And if it breaks, so do you.

You’re emotionally charged in a way you don’t want to be, simply because you see him standing there, reaching for a book dressed in a simple t-shirt with his glasses perched over his nose that looks almost crafted from the side at which you're standing. It hits you suddenly, that you find Changmin to be physically beautiful. Even when he isn’t well dressed, there is a simplicity to him that is welcoming, and it makes you want to turn away.

He notices you, probably because a shadow loomed to his side and he was notified of your presence because you simply stood there. He’s carrying three books, and you wonder what they are, but then he moves towards you with a confused stare that has you thinking you couldn’t do this.

“Is there something on my face?”

His voice breaks you free from your mind in which you are a prisoner, or at least feel like one with your overwhelming thoughts that you simply never wish to have. Everything seems so easy for him, talking to you seems simple, and you’re wondering why you can’t formulate words to return it when it shouldn’t require any effort at all.

“I have your hoodie,” you keep your voice low just in case, but he hears it and seems to curiously perk up at the prospect of getting his clothes back.

“Oh? I figured you were keeping that,” honestly, so did you. You’d really wanted to, because it was still insanely comfortable to you. You loved it, in truth, for the way it wrapped around you felt soft, like you were nestled up in something that wouldn’t hurt your skin and never sat too tight just to form your body a certain way.

“I don’t want anything that ties me to you,” you wonder if it stings, when you insult him like this, but he makes no face that tells you it does. He’s perfect at hiding how he feels, and you nearly wish to ask him how he does it. How does he remain so okay, when things so cruel and hurtful are thrown his way?

You wish to emulate it, even in this moment, but you can’t.

It’s the one part of him you wished you could learn to take for yourself.

“Are you okay?”

Those three words hit you like a knife straight through your chest, reverberating deep in your bones as your entire resolve breaks. Your walls fall apart yet again and he’s the one to do it, because in truth you aren’t and he’s the only one to even ask the questions in weeks apart from Chanhee. People you consider your friends, or would consider anything at this point that Changmin isn’t, haven’t even asked, and yet he stands before you and doesn’t even seem to stumble over the words to pose the question.

And it makes you cry.

It’s absolutely humiliating to cry like this and the mascara burns your eyes in an instant, and yet every effort to stop forsakes you because it all makes it worse. Changmin stands there so awkwardly, like he might have ways to comfort someone but no ways of knowing how to comfort you, and you’re fairly certain he wishes to turn away because he finds it uncomfortable to simply stand here with you, in a corner, far from others yet not far enough that no one could see if they didn’t go to look

“I… listen… I really didn’t mean to make you cry,” you can tell he doesn’t like it. Maybe because it’s you or he’s uneasy by it in general, but it fills you up with even more embarrassment as you try to will your body to walk away. Yet you’ve turned to stone, accepting your humiliation because how much lower could you go before his eyes? You’ve broken entirely and he’s witnessed almost every second of your demise as you became nothing of value to absolutely everyone around you. You really were like a whore.

“Can you just t-take it?”

Forcing the bag into his fingers doesn’t work, and you note for the first time the silver rings he wears. You’re surprised you missed it before, or maybe he wasn’t always wearing them, but they’re intricate in their simplicity and you wish to have a closer look, though you wouldn’t be the one to ask.

“Listen… I know you have some pathetically unjustified hatred towards me-” you scoff, only to prove his point that has him rolling his dark brown eyes because he’s exasperated that you simply can’t let him finish, “I also find you incredibly fucking annoying and a raging bitch-”

“Hey!”

You want to hit him, yet you’re not going to disagree with him. You know how to hurt people well, how to manipulate a situation and how to come out on top above everyone else and so it earned you occasionally negative titles that were sometimes deserved.

Nevertheless you weren’t quite sure what he was getting at.

“Do you want to get some ice cream?”

Whatever it was, it hadn’t been that. You hadn’t expected to be asked to go anywhere with him, and yet here you both were, in a position of vulnerability for him and one even more for you. You were conflicted and uncertain in what you’re answer should be, because even if your first thought was to say no and reject him, it wasn’t what you truly wanted.

“What?”

“Ice cream makes anything better. Don’t you think?”

Well, no, you didn’t think so, for it added weight where you didn’t need it, and yet you didn’t want to turn him away. You were upset, evidently, and he was trying to do something to bring a smile to your lips and you hated that it felt like it was working. It shouldn’t be working, and yet you were heavily considering it.

“Fine, but I don’t need us to leave together.”

“I have another class, anyway,” but the way he spoke made you wonder if he’d been willing to skip it, if you’d immediately said yes to something you’d never thought you’d hear him ask. He almost seemed bitter but you weren’t quite able to feel bad.

But you wouldn’t mind ice cream, if you were honest.

“I can meet you there,” Changmin seems surprised, perking up in a way that is strangely endearing yet you refuse a smile, waiting for him to tell you where to go.

“It's just a ten minute walk from here. Amorino, I think.”

You’d heard of it, but in truth you’d never been, but it was meant to be good for the little it cost, so maybe it was worth a try.

“Fine. I’ll be there,” you’d get some of your assignments done, maybe, but first you’d need to spend the next hour in front of a mirror so that you didn’t look like an absolute mess, even when you felt like one. Changmin looked like he wanted to say something else, but he bit his tongue and walked away from you with your hands still firmly latched around the strap of your shopping bag. You wondered if he’d intentionally left it in your grasp, if there was a reason he was no longer so hellbent on getting it back, but you weren’t going to dwell on it.

And you were not keeping it any longer either. If anything, you’d blame your willingness and brief vulnerability to say yes on the fact that you simply just wanted to be rid of him, and that included the item you were holding.

You almost wished the rain had put him off from walking through the glass doors that led inside a sickly sweet smelling cafe, slightly cool because of the various ice cream needing the lower temperature. Sadly, it hadn’t, and Changmin walked in just a little over an hour after you had taken a seat in a corner far inside the shop, hoping that if anyone you knew would walk past, they wouldn’t recognise you. When he spots you, he seems almost as apprehensive as you to approach, brushing through his matted down wet strands of dark hair to move them away from his forehead.

“I’m surprised you’re here,” it seems true. Like he hadn’t expected you to really show up and in truth it seemed like the most reasonable assumption to make, because you really had no idea either.

“Me too,” he smiles at you and it makes you uncomfortable, for the shift in the way he treated you seemed disingenuous, yet nothing about it told you that his kindness in looking at you wasn’t real. It’s like you’d genuinely managed to amuse him with little to no effort, after the countless times in which you were a pain in his ass.

“Do you know which flavour you’d like?”

“I… honestly can’t decide,” it all sounded heavenly. You couldn’t remember when you’d last indulged in a sweet treat like this, even if it hadn’t been intentional to go so long without. It just never came to be for a very long time and suddenly you were overwhelmed with flavours that you wanted to try. You could’ve eaten half the menu, and yet you barely desired one in terms of calories.

“I think you can choose up to three for one cone,” three seemed absurd. It seemed excessive and yet the temptation to try three was so overbearing that you wanted to give in.

“Are you having three?”

“Probably,” you nod, falling silent because you really don’t know how to talk to him normally. Changmin was a stranger to you, and you fully realise it when you sit across from him and realise that you don’t know him at all. You don’t know who he is, how he thinks, aside from what he tells you, and the only other thing you know is what he looks like, and that he often adjusts his glasses as if they sit just a little too big.

“I can order for us both,” he offers, breaking you out of your trance to once again be reminded of how strange this is. You don’t like Changmin, yet sitting with him like this is simple. It’s weird, but it’s easier than expected. It’s very awkward, but it’s simple.

“You don’t have to order for me.”

“It was an offer, not a demand,” you roll your eyes, though his kindness isn’t lost on you and you’re once again sat here wondering what you’re really doing, and wondering why Changmin’s shift in personality was so sudden but genuine.

“Stracciatella, dulce de leche and coffee.”

“I can tell you’re rich,” you wonder if it’s an insult, but if it is he’s smiling and that almost makes it worse. You know how to do it best, smile through something you didn’t mean, or something that was an insult but you wanted the other person to maybe have hope that it wasn’t meant that way. Or maybe he was joking, and the slight tease just went way over your head.

“What’re you think?”

“Vanilla, lemon and amarena,” you nod, as if to just tell him you were listening but have nothing to say.

“But I’m the rich one,” it’s your way of figuring out if he was teasing too, by doing so back and seeing what his reaction will be. Changmin seems amused and you relax in knowing that he wasn’t mocking you.

“What’s wrong with those flavours?”

“Nothing,” you draw out, staring back at the menu to decide on a coffee, “I’ll get a drink.”

Changmin seems to hesitate just briefly and realisation dawns on you. You’ve always looked down on him for having less money, for not affording things, but it didn’t cross your mind that he might not even be able to afford this. The issue then became that you had no idea how to delicately approach it.

“I’ll pay for it,” you tell him, but there’s surprise on his face and a hint of frustration, and you wonder if you read it all wrong.

“I’m not in poverty, you do know that, right?”

Honestly, you didn’t. It might’ve been embarrassing to admit but you weren’t quite sure at what point someone was considered within poverty because very often, your parents had shown you that even the most common ordinary people lacked money and therefore weren’t content in life. You had no real way of measuring what was really considered little. Hell, you barely knew what your family had in regards to wealth, because you rarely looked at the money you spent. You knew you always had it, so you spent it, without having to think about it.

In your mind, anyone that had to consider their spending was poor.

Sat here now with Changmin was probably the first moment in which you briefly think that might’ve been wrong. That maybe he was cautious with money but not without it. If he was without it, he would likely not be as inviting to sit with and dressed the way he was, even if you’d never buy clothes like the ones he wore.

“I’d still like to pay,” you offer, and you’re not really sure why. You’re here to give him this stupid bag that’s been weighing down on your mind all day as you chased after him, and maybe you’re also hoping to buy his silence on the fact that you cried before him and have done so twice now.

“I invited you here,” he was right. Usually, at least how you were raised, the one inviting the other is the one to pay unless otherwise agreed, which had never been the case for you before, yet it was now.

“And I’m telling you to let me pay.”

“You’re really demanding you know?”

You knew. It’s how you got what you wanted, to make demands rather than ask questions. Changmin seems displeased but he doesn’t argue with you, shrugging his jacket off to drape it over the chair before he gets up and waits.

“What?”

“You’re not coming with?”

“Just take my card. Three, five, seven, two,” you hold it out to him between your long manicured nails and he looks at you like you’re insane. It’s another reminder of how different you two are, of how giving him access to sums he’s never even seen or hoped to dream of meant absolutely nothing to you, because it really didn’t.

“Thanks?”

Changmin walks away, but it’s only brief before he’s turned back around to approach you, “which coffee did you want?”

“A latte macchiato,” he nods, leaving you alone with your thoughts again as you watch his back. The weather has since gotten worse, but it’s quite cosy from here, to simply watch the rain fall, the droplets chasing after one another from top to bottom, only to repeat over and over again in different patterns. The heating was on too, and it was quite comfortable to simply sit here.

The girl at the counter smiles at Changmin in a way that makes you want to turn away, not because someone flirting with him bothers you, but because you can’t believe how ridiculous she’s being in doing so. He’s here with you, and she’s practically begging for it.

Whatever she says, he seems polite but distant enough for her to straighten her posture and adjust her smile to a more professional one, and so you take that as a rejection on his part. You’re not sure why you find that so satisfying, that she didn’t get her way, but you’re happy about it regardless as he’s handed two ice cream cones that seem far more intricate than you’d expected.

It’s only when he comes closer that you realise that the ice cream has been layered together to form the shape of multiple rose petals and ultimately a flower, three separately assorted colours that make up the flavours you asked for, “they’re still making the coffees.”

“Thanks,” you take the ice cream from him carefully, admiring its shape and look. It’s beautiful, really, and it does put a gentle smile on your face as you manage a little laugh in amusement, “it’s pretty.”

You wonder if Changmin knew how they put the ice cream together. If maybe he suggested this place because he figured something as simple as an ice cream shaped like beautiful petals belonging to a rose would cheer you up or make you feel better for the absolute mess that had become your life. For the emotional turmoil you felt as you fell in importance and high regard in others’ eyes.

You mattered less to almost everyone you knew and it bothered you greatly.

Both of you fall silent, likely because neither of you have anything to say. There’s nothing to talk about, not between the two of you, and there’s no attempt at changing it either. Neither of you want to become friends, and yet here you both sit being friendly.

How strange the world worked sometimes.

“I’m sorry Juyeon’s such a dick to you,” it takes you by complete surprise to hear him speak, and whilst normally you’d find yourself frustrated to hear him even bring it up again, it’s oddly comforting to hear an opinion you agree with, albeit planned to have kept from Changmin. You want him to believe that things are perfect, that you and Juyeon are perfect, because you hold on to the false belief that maybe it would be.

“Juyeon’s just… a guy, I guess.”

“I wouldn’t do that,” you wonder why he says it. If he’s trying to tell you he’s better than Juyeon and if so, why it would matter. You have no interest in him and never would, so there was no need for Changmin to make himself better than the man you somehow spent still loving, despite all his horrifying flaws.

And there were many of them, and yet you still saw it with rose tinted glasses. Whilst aware of it, it mattered less to you.

“I don’t plan to ever have sex with you if-“

“That wasn’t an invitation,” again, your eyes roll almost instantly. He’s too good at being frustrating, and he sits there with his body leaned forward like he’s engaged in you while he takes a bite of his ice cream.

A bite.

“You’re insane. Why do you bite it?”

“It’s food?”

“It’s cold.”

“Why would I want to just lick it? I barely get any ice cream and then it melts.”

You watch as he bites into another petal and you push your body up a little to see what flavour it might’ve been.

“Vanilla,” he answers and you nod, sitting back with your one leg crossed over the other.

“Isn’t vanilla a little plain?”

“Is that a double entendre?”

It’s so easy to give up when the conversation is so static, so forced because you truly have nothing to talk about. What the hell do you both even have in common?

“I have a cat,” Changmin laughs and it’s a little unexpected, his smile so light and his dimples set deep in his cheeks. It’s an inviting smile, warm, and his tone of laughter is unique and suits him. There’s a childlike amusement to his features as he looks down at the table.

“I also have a cat,” you were curious to see her, or him, but you didn’t really want to ask. Both of you sharing photos of your pets over ice cream and coffee was a little bit too friendly, but you supposed there was now something you had in common, “but I don’t really like cats.”

Nevermind.

“Then why do you have one?”

He thinks, just for a minute as he drinks some of his coffee that had been brought over just a few short minutes before, and you must say now you really want to know why he has a pet he doesn’t even like.

“I found him on the streets. He was put in a box and it was raining. Wasn’t going to take him first because I didn’t want one. But when I went to call someone in the shop nearby, he’d somehow jumped out of the box and started to follow me. He just wouldn’t leave.”

It was unexpectedly sweet and very much something you would’ve never considered. Of course your cat was store bought, expensive and from a litter from a breeder that had done this for the past decade or two. Getting a cat of the streets, even if unintentionally was so out of your character, but you knew when to admit you found it to be kind of Changmin to have done so.

“You kept him?”

“I did. He’s very sweet.”

“Chanhee says my cat is a diva.”

“So she takes after you. Figures,” you could hit him, but you bite your tongue and try a new flavour of the ice cream petals. Coffee. Definitely.

The conversation dies again when it would be so easy to keep it going, but it’s like neither of you have any desire to do so. And yet, you find yourself far more at ease sitting here than you would’ve thought when you first agreed to it. You didn’t feel like you had to make up the silence that you both shared.

He seemed to share the same thoughts, though he didn’t often share eye contact with you. You weren’t sure if he was hesitant to or maybe he just didn’t want to look at you, but previous times you’d met him, he’d always been good at looking you in the eye. It was a little strange that he seemed to look everywhere else but at you now, unless you spoke.

“You smoke, right?” Painful. These occasional conversations littered into being sat here were just simply weird, but you watch as he grabs a bag of loose tobacco out of his jacket as well as some rolling paper and a filter.

“Didn’t you smoke straights last time?”

“You remember?”

Fuck.

“I didn’t forget you offering me one,” he shrugs and you watch as he distributes the tobacco onto the paper carefully between his jewellery adorned fingers. It was distracting and you could curse again for it, because he was doing it all effortlessly with one hand.

“You want one now?”

“I can do it…” he seems to hesitate though ultimately pushes the bag of tobacco over to your end of the table, and you fiddle with the cone of your ice cream between your one hand whilst figuring out how to do this with the other. Actually, how the fuck had Changmin done this?

“How did you-”

“Put it on the table first. You can roll with one hand,” he was definitely more confident in your abilities than you were, and maybe that was sweet but it was also giving you far more credit than you deserved.

You didn’t even want to admit that you couldn’t roll a cigarette at all. You always bought straights, the times you bought any at all. Doing it yourself seemed like extra effort for not much pay off.

You try to mirror Changmin, seeing how much tobacco he used and loosening up the dried leaves between your fingers the way he had done as they all clung together in the bag, then adding a generous amount to the paper you’d taken out of its flat packaging.

“Do you always smoke American spirit?”

“I tend to. Or marlboro. Why?”

You shrug, going back to what you’re doing but you very quickly realise you’ll need both hands. Watching him do it, pushing and pinching the thin paper together to tighten the tobacco with two fingers, maybe three at best, was ridiculous.

“Do you want me to hold your ice cream?”

At this point, you’re determined to prove both him and you that you can do this, when you know the reality is you can’t. Changmin doesn’t know that though, and how hard could it be to roll a cigarette, really?

“You can have it.”

“You have more than half left,” he frowns, putting his nearly rolled cigarette down on the table as he holds your ice cream, watching you and the way your fingers take both ends of the paper to pinch it together, “is it not good?”

“It’s nice. It’s not the flavour,” hopefully, he knows to drop the conversation. Though you look up and can tell by his expression that he likely wants to keep asking but you don’t see why you should need to justify it.

“You need to… no… you have too much,” he sighs, wanting to reach over but both his hands are occupied with both of your ice cream cones and so he can only sit trapped wishing to intervene as you try to make adjustments when he complains with no real instructions as to how you can do it better, “you’ve never done this before.”

“So I’ve been caught,” as if one of the cafe staff had noticed him struggling, they bring over a holder for two ice cream cones that are scattered on a few tables, yours not having been one of them.

“Thank you,” he redirects his attention to you, hands free, “look, I’ll teach you,” you scoff, crossing your arms as you’ve let go of the damaged bundle of tobacco in a scrunched up paper, looking between its state and back up at Changmin. You didn’t want him to teach you anything, because you didn’t think he had anything worth showing you. Yet at the same time, you didn’t enjoy not knowing how to do something, and if he was willingly prepared to show you how to actually do it, maybe you shouldn’t deny him.

“I don’t really smoke…”

“I won’t encourage you to,” he grabs another rolling paper, holding it out to you and you hesitate but ultimately take it between your fingers as he does the same, ignoring his near finished cigarette to start over, “but I smoke a lot, so I’ll take it off your hands if you don’t want it.”

“You’ll get cancer,” you’re disgusted but you don’t have much of a right to be. You smoke too and do far worse things. Every party could bring you to the brink of death if you aren’t careful enough with what you’re using, and yet you’re telling him he’s risking his life.

“Thanks, the packaging hadn’t told me,” you recognise Changmin’s sarcastic tone well by now, given that it’s the tone he mostly spoke to you in, but you also don’t retaliate this time. You had nothing to say, nothing to add that wouldn’t be another circular back and forth of neither of you ever getting to the point or settling a fight.

“The tobacco is quite tight, so you’ll have to loosen it with your fingers a little before you put it on the paper.”

“What about the filter?”

“It’s harder to roll with a filter. Try without first,” but you’re stubborn, and you grab a filter and bring it to one edge of the rolling paper before he can take it away from you. Sighing, he relents and grabs one too to demonstrate more accurately.

“You’re ridiculous,”

“And I won’t be caught dead smoking a non filtered cigarette.”

“You should try it. The nicotine high is amazing,” okay, so maybe you’d reconsider. You’d never thought of it, even if it was obvious, “you’re curious now.”

“I might be,” Changmin smiles and your cheeks feel a little warmer, but surely it’s the warm coffee and the indoor heating and not the fact that he looked at you with eyes that were gentle, like his happiness in showing you something wasn’t structured into an act of false behaviour.

Then you wonder why it makes any difference. If he wasn’t being genuine, did it matter?

He leans back over and slips the filter away from your paper, then adjusts and sits up a little straighter before his body moves back into your space to be a little closer to demonstrate.

“So, you loosen some of the tobacco between your fingers. This one is quite dry- and then you bring it onto the paper like so,” you follow his lead, though you could’ve managed this part on your own. This was the one part you’d done correctly without his help, “you want it to be pretty even but don’t worry about it not being perfect.”

“It has to be perfect,” he sighs, his head rolling down in defeat before he slowly looks back up at you.

“Perfection is an unattainable fantasy. Now take your fingers and move them to either edge and pinch while rolling it like so.”

You follow his lead though if you’re entirely honest, you have no idea how he makes it look so easy and effortless. His tobacco bunches together into a beautiful neat line perfectly, whilst yours is a disaster in which it falls or thins out too much on one end. It feels awkward and incorrect, the way you do it, and yet you’re following his exact instructions.

“You’re terrible at this.”

“Or you suck at teaching,” giving up was tempting, but showing Changmin defeat wasn’t an option. You wanted to get this, no matter how awful the end outcome would be.

“You have the ends. Move your fingers more into the middle to roll.”

“It doesn’t work like that!”

He looks exasperated, his glasses moving slightly as he raises his brows and huffs out in annoyance at your inability to do something he deemed simple, “you’re just bad at this. That’s okay.”

“Absolutely not. I’m not bad at things.”

“Just roll the paper over once you have the right shape. Wet the end and seal it and then you can tap the end against the table,” he shows you how, but he does it so quickly you barely manage to follow his movements. He’s amazing at it, you do have to admit, but you hate him for it because you want to be better. It’s irrational, because how realistic is it for you to be better at rolling a cigarette when you’d never done it before, when Changmin had probably done it for years?

“It’s not tight like yours though.”

“Just try. You have the movement right,” but it doesn’t feel right. It feels awkward and you might just blame it on your acrylics for not managing, but the end result is so pathetic that you’re surprise the cigarette even holds.

“It’s… a cigarette.”

“I’m not smoking that,” Changmin doesn’t seem surprised, but he does surprise you when he places his perfectly rolled cigarette right before you and takes yours instead, placing it behind his ear before retrieving his jacket and taking his melting ice cream, “you coming?”

Well, you suppose you were now.

You grab the bag with his hoodie in one hand, Changmin’s cigarette in the other as you follow him outside, leaving your ice cream to melt before it’s thrown away. It’s not unnoticed by him either, and he turns around to grab it between his fingers, “if you won’t have it, I will. You’re wasting money and good ice cream.”

“I’m watching my figure.”

“Why?”

He holds both cones in one hand with their remnants of sweet gelato, placing his cigarette between his lips and lighting it with one hand turned away from the storm and rain. The shop has an overhang to shield you both from direct downpour, but lighters are stubborn with wind and he seems to know it well.

His one worded question seems strange. It’s not worried, nor is it judgemental. At least you don’t perceive it to be. It’s simply confused, like he’s genuinely surprised that you would even bother at all.

“Because I want to be thin.”

Changmin wants to say something. You can tell he does, that there’s something right on his lips yet he doesn’t speak it. He resists words he probably knows you really don’t want to hear. He would be right, because any comments about your body aren’t welcomed unless they’re compliments that remind you of what you’ve worked for. All the times you don’t eat are rewarded with the acknowledgement of it.

“Here,” he holds out his lighter, the flame igniting right by your lips in which the cigarette is perched carefully, and you lean in enough and inhale so that it burns.

“Thanks.”

“You really are peculiar,” you don’t see how you are. From your point of view, he’s the abnormal one. He dresses cheap despite the school he attends, he doesn’t socialise, and he seems so ignorant to his surroundings and the importance of appearance, “I have to go.”

It takes you by surprise. Your thoughts had been so tangled and convoluted that you hadn’t seen him take his phone out, much less fumble with the ice cream, his cigarette and the device to answer whoever it was.

You wondered who it was.

“Who is it?”

You can’t help it. Call it morbid curiosity, even in regards to Changmin of all people, “I completely forgot I have a date.”

The thought of anyone going out with Changmin was a concept you weren’t ready to wrap your head around, but maybe if it was a girl he’d met online, she’d based it merely on appearance and even you wouldn’t fully be able to say that he was ugly. You knew he wasn’t, as much as it pained you to admit he was actually rather beautiful when he didn’t open his mouth.

“Is she cute?”

“She’s cute, yeah,” but he doesn’t seem excited. It almost feels like an insult to hear how he speaks about the prospect of his date. Were all men like this?

Had Juyeon been so disinterested when he first dated you?

“You’re going dressed like this?”

“What’s wrong with it?”

Boy, he really wasn’t trying. It felt near cruel, because you were almost certain that the girl would be beautiful, and even if her physical appearance wasn’t as gorgeous, she would make up for it in every way with the way she chose to dress.

And Changmin was in casual attire, his hair had fallen to his face and he seemed tired.

“Poor girl.”

“It’s really not your business,” and then he discards his cigarette and grabs the bag you’d been holding without warning, practically ripping it out of your hand and the movement feels more aggressive than you’re used to from him. His tone could be harsh but his actions never were, and so it surprised you when he didn’t even ask to take it.

“Thank you for the hoodie.”

He doesn’t sound thankful at all. Changmin sounds annoyed, as he throws the little remnants of ice cream cone with next to no ice cream left, in the trash he passes as he walks away from you. You stand there, empty handed aside from the cigarette that was burning but barely smoked, and you honestly feel lost. You’re strangely confused and unsure, and you really don’t quite know why.

You felt like maybe you’d managed to really get under his skin, and if that were the case, you were sure it was the first time you’d ever managed it. Yet you’d expected it to feel different, to frustrate him enough to show true emotion in his anger and discontent towards you.

Instead it just felt like nothing.

You’re not sure what to make of Changmin. But you had bought a packet of loose tobacco and pink rolling paper to fiddle with in the comfort of your large bedroom. You were near naked, just out of your shower and only in underwear whilst you fiddled around with the cigarette in your hand. It was fucking difficult, and you’d probably gone through ten different videos on youtube teaching you how to do it. At least trying to, and each time you just failed to fully do it right.

Juyeon had called you and while you’d originally wanted to pick up and even thought to, by the time you made any attempt to move your hands, he’d already hung up.

Chanhee had also called though and you had picked up, asking how he was though he pushed for you to answer first, and you hadn’t known what to say. You felt fine yet simultaneously you felt strangely numb. It wasn’t that you didn’t care, it’s that Juyeon had worn you down. He’d broken something in you and collecting the pieces wasn’t possible because not all parts still existed.

Convincing yourself that it was over was difficult when Juyeon was right there to call back.

You wanted to.

It takes about ten failed attempts at rolling a cigarette before you manage one that’s just decent enough to smoke, and in your mind you wish to share your success with Changmin, since he was the one that had witnessed your inability to do it in the first place. You wanted to prove a point, as petty and unimportant as it was. You could roll a damn cigarette.

But you’d rather roll over in your grave than ask anyone for his phone number. If anyone even had it. He’d said he was supervising a friend the night you first really spoke to him but you’d yet to see him talking with anyone at all. Who was Changmin friends with, if anyone at all?

The question dwelled on you curiously. You didn’t think he’d lied to you that night, you had to at least give him the benefit of his annoying ability to always speak what you assumed to be his truth. He didn’t care of the consequence or if it hurt, and you supposed maybe that was where your one similarity lay.

If you hurt someone, it didn’t really matter as long as it made you look good.

“Dear? Could I come in?”

Your mother being home was unexpected. Her knocking on your bedroom door to ask if she could come in was even stranger. It made you worry, and you quickly discarded all your rolled cigarettes in a drawer as well as any other damning evidence aside from the one now considered a masterpiece to show off. You placed it behind your ear and straightened your posture, “yeah?”

“You need to draw the curtains,” she criticised, walking over to the massive window to give you far more than you bargained for with the natural sunlight despite the depressing clouds, “and we do not smoke indoors.”

“I’m not smoking it!”

“Attitude,” you want to sigh but you’re sure that runs in the same category as what she’d just warned you about in your tone, so you bite your tongue and just wait to hear what she wants.

“I’ve been told you’ve missed a lot of your classes.”

“By who?”

“We had dinner with the Lee’s. Juyeon expressed his concern over you. Why you ever broke up with that handsome young man is beyond me, Y/N,” yeah, it was beyond you too, at this point. Clearly you were the fucking idiot, as everyone so rightfully had begun to assume. Juyeon was the perfect man, one most girls would probably dream of and you had him. You had him, and you wasted the opportunity to be happy with him.

And what for?

“I know, mother.”

“You should come with this time. Maybe you can both make up before we go on that lovely vacation together.”

“What…?”

She stands by the edge of your bed with condescending eyes that look down on you and make you feel small, which was ironic because your mother was about a head shorter than you and incredibly petite, but her personality was so in your face, her stare so cold that it made you feel like nothing. She made you feel insignificant and she did so perfectly.

“Don’t tell me you’ve already forgotten? You’ve always been forgetful,” you cast your eyes down to your lap, listening to her berate you and having no real way of defending yourself without it earning you a slap or worse.

“I’m sorry. Just have a lot on my mind.”

“Go on a walk. You could go to the docks on one of the boats. I don’t care. But stop missing classes because I will not have a failure of a child when she gets everything handed to her,” it stings. It really stings to be insulted so genuinely. Your grades were by no means terrible and your mother rarely cared before about any of your stupid behaviour, but you supposed as soon as your mask slipped and you fell towards lower status, she could sense it like a blood hound and she was intent on destroying you to a point in which you’d need to remodel yourself to be perfect again.

You were grateful for her, because she knew how to shape you into someone you wanted to be.

“And invite Juyeon if you’re taking the boat out!”

She leaves without another glance your way and you feel like nothing, but you also call Juyeon, so you suppose her harsh words and loveless demeanour worked. They worked at beating you down and you listened to her, but you couldn’t say you weren’t at least a little relieved when Juyeon didn’t pick up at first.

“What?”

Damn it.

“You called me first.”

“And now you’re calling me back,” it felt like a game. It was constant at this point and it never felt healthy and yet you knew no better. You weren’t dumb but Juyeon had an incredible way of making you appear to be the greatest idiot.

“My mother wants us to take the boat out,” you wait for a response, not hearing one first until there’s shuffling on the other line.

“Just us?”

“Well, she likes you,” you add, which you knew would work well for his bruised ego. Juyeon loved being told he was liked and you knew how to feed into it well. You’d spent years learning the intricacies that made up Lee Juyeon, and you doubted that would ever fully go away. You weren’t sure if you wanted it to go at all.

“Have you told her why I haven’t been around?”

“You could always tell her yourself. She hates me enough, you can’t make it worse,” you hear him on the other end and you hope he feels bad for you. You want him to, even if it’s just for a little moment.

“That’s just not as fun,” he breaks your illusioned disbelief that he could be sympathetic towards you and you wish yet again for your remaining feelings to go away.

Instead, you decide to be stupid and slip up.

“I really loved you.”

The silence is so painfully long you could honestly throw yourself out the two story window of the view your mother had just revealed to you moments before.

“You don’t love me anymore?”

The way you fell into his traps was so effortless. Juyeon wasn’t having to really try and yet you fell right into his hand every time without fail. You were so drawn to him and you couldn't tell for what reason. Because in truth you didn’t really see yourself as wanting a relationship with him, he was an asshole and yet you ran in circles because you somehow still liked him despite it all.

“Juyeon…”

“Do you love me?”

He asks it again and the question is a demand for you to answer and yet it doesn’t come naturally to you the way you want it to. It feels false, maybe because you know you’re walking yourself into a trap. Yet the trap being laid out for you to see doesn’t hinder you any less from falling into it because of the reward you see in the midst of it.

“I love you.”

“Then why don’t we celebrate?”

A yacht party was not at all what you had in mind when celebrating your pathetic attempt at clearing your image by being back on Juyeon’s side. But Juyeon had insisted and your mother had somehow overheard at some point and was practically beaming just at the prospect of Juyeon being back on one of your family boats. Her timing was masterful and you hated everything about it.

You also hated the looks you were getting, judgement, whilst Juyeon was on the opposite end of the yacht gleaming and taking in every ounce of sympathy like it fed him. He’d so graciously forgiven you, told everyone that it was an honest mistake and that he understood you both were over, and now everyone stood at his feet as if ready to do any and all of his bidding.

It was insufferable.

“I think he likes attention more than you,” Chanhee mumbles, standing next to you now with a champagne flute between his delicate fingers and you turn to him with a frown on your face.

“I think it’s pathetic.”

“I’d agree,” your best friend leans back a little, staring into the dark water as night time beams above you in the shape of a crescent moon, “but you go for it every time.”

“I’m not here for a lecture,” you have a sip of your drink, grimacing at the strength of it. You’d been a little too generous on the rum, even for your standards, but you need the alcohol if you’re going to get through this night out on open water.

“Have you seen the new kids?”

Chanhee nudges you towards another direction, one that has two younger men downing a glass of something each, and being urged on to do so by Younghoon and Hyunjae. Juyeon was now talking to a girl you didn’t care to know the name of, but he occasionally glanced over too.

“Freshmen?”

“Mhmm, one of them is kinda cute, no?”

You give your best friend an odd look before glancing back over. They both look young, not older than twenty, playful and energetic and so full of life that you wonder when that’ll go away. You wonder when both of them will realise the world is dark and being so carefree was simply being naive.

“Which one?”

Chanhee gestures to the one on the left, with dark hair and full lips that you’re sure has made girls jealous in the past, and if not jealous, at least more than willing to kiss him. He seemed to know it too, because something about him felt cocky and maybe even arrogant, despite his sweet playful smile and loud laugh that you could hear from this far away.

The other, a striking blonde colour of hair that he’d definitely bleached with a sharp pointed nose that seemed surgical, making you wonder if he’d invested in a nose job as soon as he’d turned eighteen. It wouldn’t surprise you if he had, for if it was real it was almost absurdly perfect.

“Juyeon invited them?” Chanhee shrugs, though given that neither you nor your best friend seemed to have any clue on who they were and had no influence on them showing up, you were almost certain it was Juyeon. It was near confirmed when your recent lover approached the blonde and wrapped an arm over his shoulder, ruffling through his hair playfully though you could see the roughness in his grip.

It’d surely be blamed on boys being boys.

“I’m gonna grab another drink,” you say, and you can see Juyeon’s eyes meet yours as you do. He detaches from the blonde and approaches you, and god do you wish it wasn’t noticeable to everyone that he was doing so.

“Little princess,” he leans against the railing, watching as you pour yourself more rum but in truth you are ready to down the whole bottle when he talks to you, “why’re you frowning?”

“Did you invite freshmen?”

“Who? Oh- you mean Sunwoo and Eric? I did, yeah. They’re cute, right?”

There had to be a motive. You didn’t trust Juyeon to have pure intentions and simply so graciously bring a pair of freshmen onto a party such as this. There was no way in hell Juyeon would introduce someone into his social circle without gaining something out of it. Especially someone younger than him.

“What’re you doing with them?”

“I’m thinking a sex party?” you laugh because it’s absurd, but Juyeon laughs too because he’s managed to humour you and it’s nice. It’s nice to laugh with someone you consider close, someone that is similar to you and that understands the importance of status and appearance.

“Now what is it actually?”

Juyeon looks over, seeing his friends and the two in question playing around with a lighter and the not lit outdoor fireplace. At least not lit yet, given that they were clearly trying. Hyunjae was sat on the circular couch, Younghoon lying next to him, Sunwoo standing and berating Eric who was hunched over trying to light the coal, “he needs ignition.”

“I’ll go grab it for him.”

Juyeon leaves you standing there with a bad feeling. Drunk people around a fire, intoxicated people in general around live flames was a recipe for disaster. Yet you weren’t stopping it. Maybe because you knew it wouldn’t be you to fall into it.

Chanhee had joined them, sat next to Hyunjae with his legs curled under his thighs as he held a new glass in hand, looking so delicate and regal he felt most like royalty out of all of you. He was so beautiful, it made you jealous again. It was worse, too, to know that he had naturally just formed to be this way, whilst your parents had discretely paid for your nose to be fixed, your breasts to be augmented and to have some leftover fat dissolved to appear even smaller.

Not that you’d outright admitted it to anyone, though you were sure those who’d known you long enough, knew that a part of you simply wasn’t real anymore, because reality wasn’t pretty and you wanted to be.

Juyeon joined them a few seconds after with lighter fluid, thankfully not being too generous with how much he coated the charcoal in. At least he seemed sober, more than anyone else that was sat there, and you watched Eric attempting to light the flames again, this time successful in sparking a fire that jumped high enough to nearly hit his face, making him jump back in surprise and panic at the thought of getting burned.

Unbelievable.

You walked over to them and sat down at the very edge, Eric turning his attention to you with a bright smile that surprised even you. He seemed energetic and sweet, but why he was so open to you simply coming over was a strange feeling. Juyeon noticed it too, and before you realised, he’d moved to sit between you both.

“Are you jealous?” Juyeon looks at you with a forced smile, shaking his head before having more of his drink and turning his attention to you.

“I have no reason to be,” he answers, and you suppose he’s right though just the same you wish for him to be, “I’m not the jealous type.”

It felt like a lie. Juyeon’s characteristics that made up who he was were all fairly negative and jealousy was one of them. But then he’d have ways in which he showed kindness with gentle touches and you fell into it because those touches were warm and those words were sweet.

“Not like me, right?”

You attempt a joke you both know to be true. You could easily get jealous, because the prospect of having romantic competition made you feel worthless, like you weren’t good enough, and so anger came naturally whenever your worth was threatened.

“Not like you,” he has more of his drink and you drown out the conversation, watching the way your best friend cuts up two lines of cocaine with Sunwoo now, as if he’d made a quick natural friend and you’re just at the very edge being forgotten. It’s the feeling of unimportance and being replaced that bothers you, and instead you focus on the fire right in front of you. It’s enchanting and beautiful, tempting enough to fall into because it’s warm and inviting.

It’s dangerous too and that isn’t lost on you, but you still lean a little closer, being careful to push your hair back whilst you watch the flames. You’re in a little world, one none of them are in and you honestly don’t think they ever really noticed how close you’d gotten to the fire, which ends up being the big mistake.

You’re not sure what happens, but the flames make a crackling sound and the fire rises so incredibly close to your face, you feel the heat sting at your skin. It sends you into high alert and panic, causing you to scream and turn around just quick enough to avoid it burning your face. Unfortunately, the wind and your hair among the flames causes the strands to start burning.

“What the fuck, Eric!”

“We need to put it out!” Chanhee. That’s his voice and the only one you can make out. The others barely seem to move and you’re not sure if it’s shock or because they don’t care, but Chanhee is genuinely the only one moving at first.

You can feel the way it hurts your skin, but it all happens so fast that the pain barely registers with the way the back fabric of your dress singes.

“Are you fucking stupid?” Chanhee, again, but then you feel another force that sends you falling forward and the sound of a fire extinguisher.

“YOU’RE NOT MEANT TO USE THAT ON A PERSON!”

So many voices, complete panic and you barely register any of it. You feel dazed, nearly unresponsive and it’s likely the shock settling in that just leaves you numb to it. At least the fire seems to be out, given the darkness that had cast over all of you. Your skin feels cold at first, until you feel a heavy blanket over your shoulder and Juyeon crouches in front of you.

He’s speaking to you, but you really have no idea what he’s saying. Even when he cups your cheeks, it’s completely lost on you. Nothing he says is audible and for just a brief second you wonder if maybe you’d entirely lost your hearing, though you don’t see why you would and you’d heard voices just seconds before.

You feel him touch your hair and you’re relieved more than anything to know it’s still there at first. The very relief of knowing that makes you want to cry, but you refuse to show any of them that you were scared.

“She needs a hospital. Turn the boat around,” you hate attention like this. When you’re vulnerable, it’s not what you want.

“How bad is it…?”

You sound hoarse, but Juyeon doesn’t get time to answer because Eric intervenes with panicked eyes. He looks so genuinely guilty, like a kicked puppy and you know almost immediately that deep down it was likely a genuine mistake. Though it didn’t really matter as the damage was done either way, “I’m so, so sorry. I’m really sorry.”

You don’t think you forgive him. Even if he looks sorry, you’re more than a little upset, rightfully so, “I can’t believe you’re so fucking stupid. Who’re you trying to impress, anyway?”

It cuts him, you can tell. That childlike energy that had been there before dies the second you speak to him like he means nothing. Eric looks like he could cry and you’re certain you don’t really care but something about his eyes make you feel guilty. And you don’t do well with guilt.

You force yourself up and away from everyone, pushing past Younghoon harshly because you can see him trying to bite down laughter. You’re near close to slapping him, but you don’t want even more unwanted attention.

You hide away in the bathroom and no one seems to follow you first, locking the door after yourself before stripping down to your underwear, discarding your heels and letting your feet rest bare against the tiled interior. Every bit of sound is slowly coming back, and you seem to be returning to your senses as you cast your eyes outside through the small circular window, seeing the distant city and the water break into aggressive ripples of small waves.

You run your hands through your hair, trying to adjust the mess that it probably was before you realise that certain strands come to an abrupt harsh stop. It feels uneven, shortened and burned and that’s when you first notice the smell that becomes so sharp so suddenly that it overwhelms you.

You open your palm up to be met with charcoals of black burnt hair that you’d broken trying to brush through it with your fingers and now you’re completely certain that you fucking hate Eric. He’d ruined your appearance, and it’s only confirmed when you look in the mirror and are met with something so ugly, you could break the glass in front of you.

So you do. You break down and shatter the mirror because what you see disgusts you. A part of what had made you so feminine and pretty was scorched unevenly, in parts up to your shoulder, and it was so ugly and heart wrenching you could’ve thrown up just remembering what it looked like.

It was so ugly and unattractive and the worst was knowing that everyone else had seen it before you. They had seen it, and said nothing. Juyeon had touched your strands of hair near the root and yet said nothing to indicate that a part of it was missing by the ends of where your hair usually fell.

You can’t take seeing it, and in your slightly intoxicated mind it makes you sink enough that you throw up into the toilet, hating yourself more than you ever had. It would take years to grow back the hair you’d lost, and worst was that you’d have to let go of the length that some strands still held. The ones that went unscathed and were still perfect would be lost just the same.

It was so embarrassing.

Your hand was bleeding, shards of broken glass between the knuckles but you made no attempt to get rid of them. You could’ve been dying and it would’ve meant nothing to you.

A knock on the door snaps you out of your dazed mind but you don’t respond. You hope maybe they’ll go away, but then there’s another knock followed by a third in quick succession, “want a line?”

Chanhee. You laugh at the way he speaks and then you soften because he’s there, standing on the other side and looking for you. So with the little strength you can bother to conjure up, you unlock the door for him.

“Holy shit,” it’s not you being naked that really surprises him, but rather the utter damaged state this room was in, “your parents are gonna kill you.”

“Fuck, I didn’t even think about that,” you groan, watching your best friend lock the door once more before grabbing a towel and turning on the faucet, the water presumably cold.

“I hear Juyeon’s pissed,” Chanhee starts, and it manages a smile out of you just briefly as he comes over, “Eric feels horrible, though.”

“He should,” you snarl, watching the way Chanhee grabs a pair of tweezers from his purse, disinfecting it with a wipe before grabbing your hand.

“Should I book you a hairdresser?”

You know he’s trying to lighten the mood, but you don’t find it funny. You don’t say anything as he starts to remove some of the glass from your skin, carefully and precise as to not cause you more injury. He seems to get the hint, that you’re not in the mood for anything lighthearted, so he stops and falls silent that only you break after a few minutes.

“I’m ugly, Chanhee.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. You’ll get a cute haircut and you’ll be perfect again.”

Even if that were to be true, you’d never be Chanhee. You felt so jealous, the more you thought of it. So much so, that you wanted to hate him. You wanted to tell him how unfair it was, that he didn’t deserve it when you did, but you would never dare to break what made you two so close. You loved him.

“I don’t want a haircut. I want my hair.”

“I know,” but he says it like you should know that it’s not an option. You do know, and it makes you want to die inside.

Another knock and a voice you make out to be Juyeon’s, so you let Chanhee reach over and unlock the door as a familiar figure leans in with a smirk on his face. Maybe it’s seeing you sat here naked, but you turn your head away to avoid looking at him, “ambulance is here. We’ve docked.”

Chanhee finishes getting one more piece of glass out and helps you up, Juyeon handing you your dress and helping you with your shoes, touching your bare legs so carefully that it makes you feel a little shaky. He smiles, looking up at you with sweet gentle eyes that are so unlike him and once again bring in the idea of a motive to your mind, “your mothers gonna kill you for that glass, by the way.”

Everything else after the boat docked had become a blur. You had some mild burns but your now ruined dress had protected most of the flames before they were put out, so most of the marks were faint angry red shades on your back that would likely fade over time if you kept it well treated and applied an ointment to avoid scarring. You’d been grateful that it hadn’t been worse but the state you were in didn’t quite feel better.

Your hand wasn’t broken, but one of the gashes had been pretty bad unbeknownst to you and it had needed five stitches, everything being wrapped up in a bandage as you were told to rest a couple of days.

You’d wanted to rest, but the following morning, your mother had other ideas.

“Juyeon tells me you had an accide- my god, what happened to your hair?”

“I burned it off,” came your response, feeling your blanket being ripped away from you, your bare legs being met with the cold air as you tried to adjust your shirt.

“Why in heaven's name would you ever do that?” God, you could laugh. She clearly didn’t know you, if she ever thought you’d do such a stupid thing intentionally.

“I’ll get it sorted,” though you’d made no attempt at making an appointment. As long as the outside world didn’t see you, you could be as ugly as you wanted.

“You, young lady, are headed to class,” she slaps the bottom of your leg before running over to your beloved curtains, tearing them open and letting the offensive light blind you, “you’ve missed far too much already.”

“I’d rather die than go looking like this,” you mutter, earning you another slap to your skin that makes you sit up sharply and glare at her with such discontent, she must know that you hate her.

“Should’ve made an appointment in the morning then. You can fix it later, but you’re going, now.”

There was no point in arguing. Even with a valid doctor's note, it was pointless. She’d make you go to uni and whatever you said would be entirely without point because it wasn’t valid. It didn’t matter. The best you could do was attempt to look presentable despite your singed hair and then run to your family's go to salon for help right after.

You made sure to wear something revealing. Something hopefully distracting enough so that the hair you’d tied up in a bun, wouldn’t be very noticeable. You actually thought you managed to hide it with fair success, but you had to pull out nearly every trick you knew about a tight ballerina bun to hide most of the damage. The biggest issue was the damaged strands being so short in length sometimes, that they kept falling back out and refusing to lay the way you wanted them to.

Your mother had already left the house by the time you were ready, in a tight mini skirt and a shirt kept together by string in the middle, showing plenty of skin all the way down to your pierced navel. It was just enough to grab attention away from everything else that needed fixing.

Getting to class made you realise just how much people talk. As if the vitriol from Juyeon humiliating you with Changmin’s name hadn’t been bad enough, now everyone seemed to know about your burns and the bandage on your hand didn’t help either. You’d overheard someone say that they thought you’d gone off the rails, making you shove your shoulder against theirs so that they fell off balance.

But that girl hadn’t been the only one to say it. It felt like everyone was looking at you again, like this was high school and your dirty little secrets were all exposed to be mocked and tormented until you well and truly became the off the rails mess that they already claimed for you to be. The looks were horrific, but the fake sympathy in trying to speak to you was worse.

Though you’d truly wanted to lose it when you overheard the sympathy Eric was getting. How sorry he’d been and how it had been such a horrible accident. How bad he felt, that you’d rejected his apology and been so cruel to him. That you were truly a horrible person. Even if it might’ve been true that Eric felt bad, he had hurt you, and yet no one spared any real empathy for you. No one cared.

You had one more class for the day but a long gap in between where you’d need to find something to do, and so you settled on the park nearby with a small lunch and a coffee, having a sip before you reached for the tobacco in your bag.

You still wouldn’t call yourself a smoker, but you could use one now and it was still practice and improvement from the absolute travesty you had rolled before. Besides, you found it peaceful, to sit there and roll a cigarette to then smoke or save for later.

“It’s getting better,” you look up and see Changmin already with a cigarette between his lips, placing it between his fingers to move it down and away from his mouth as he exhales. He’s dressed warm, in a dark sweater and jeans with a coat over both, his eyes staring at your own as he takes you in, “you want help?”

“I don’t need your help.”

“I didn’t ask if you needed it. I asked if you wanted it,” you were struggling and he could tell. Your hand still hurt from injuring it and it made rolling even more awkward, so eventually you relented and just shoved the bag of tobacco out for him to take. He sighs and sits next to you, turning his body a bit towards you as he discards his own cigarette entirely in favour of starting over.

“Why’d you waste it?”

“Well, I figured if I offered it to you, you’d refuse it,” he was right, “I’ll roll two.”

Normally you’d be tempted to argue and fight with him using your stuff, but you have no energy and he was kind enough to share with you last time. You watch him, the way his fingers work together to roll the first cigarette, and you can’t say you’re not entranced because you are. The way he does it makes it all seem so easy.

He seals the first cigarette with his tongue before placing it behind his ear, and you swear for the first time you saw a hint of jewellery, “do you have a piercing?”

“I have more than one,” he gets to work on the next one, looking over at you briefly as you try not to stare too obviously. You’d seen the ones on his ear but the one on his tongue had been new to you.

“I never noticed.”

“We don’t really talk,” he hands you your cigarette and you nod in thanks, twisting it between your fingers once to inspect it before placing it between your lips. You end up fiddling with your lighter, huffing in frustration each time it refuses to light. The wind worked against you and it seemed low on lighter fluid already, but still you persisted.

“Here,” his cigarette is lit, and he places the burning side against yours, “just inhale.”

You listen to him and the flames transfer to your cigarette when you do, thanking him again, though you’re not sure why he didn’t just offer you his lighter instead, “I had it.”

“Sure,” you both fall silent again and you must admit it’s getting a little bit annoying to have nothing to really talk about. It seems so pointless, like it holds no real purpose and yet there’s a comfort in just being sat here and clearing your head.

“What did you do with your hand?”

“You’re telling me you haven’t heard?” you don’t believe it. Changmin might not socialise but he does hear about things. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t have been so wrapped up in the last one. Or maybe that one only reached him because it directly involved him.

“Isn’t it better to hear the truth from you?” he surprises you again. You hadn’t really thought of it that way. In your eyes, people were always quick to believe what they were told from others whether or not it was the truth. Especially from those whose words held more weight simply because of who they were. And if someone like Younghoon, who you suspected, was running around telling people you were insane, they were bound to believe it without fact checking his claims at all.

“I broke a mirror,” he laughs, as if it’s amusing to hear about your screw up and you wonder if it would be worth hitting him again.

“You really are something else, even for a rich person,” you want to know if that surprises him. If he’s as confused by you as you are by him and his strange behaviour. He seems to bite back less in sarcasm today, but he still speaks like he’s unimpressed, unphased by your violent outburst and rather finding it amusing.

You stare at him for a long time, taking in his side profile up close. The way his glasses frame his face, how his dimples aren’t as deep but still there because he’s trying to bite back his amusement in a smile that you find pretty, even if you won’t say it. He takes another drag of his cigarette, then turns his attention back to you, though it quickly falls from your face to your hair as he gestures to it, “and this? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you with your hair up.”

“You pay attention to things like that?”

“Unintentionally, yes.”

“But you don’t notice it’s burnt?”

“Oh, no, I noticed it,” of course he did. He was probably waiting for the opportunity to tug your hairpins out so he could see the disaster that is your hair. It probably didn’t matter, really, if he saw it, but you liked the belief that you could remain beautiful, at least in someone's eyes, regardless of who they were.

Then again, Changmin might not find you pretty at all.

“I wasn’t meant to come today but my mother told me to. I haven’t been able to fix it,” you’re not sure why you’re honest, especially to him, but he doesn’t really say anything at first while he continues smoking, “I don’t know why I’m even telling you this.”

“Neither do I,” god, what an asshole. He simply couldn’t keep his mouth shut and accept it, “is it true a freshmen burned it off?”

“So you did hear about it?”

“I saw him getting coddled in the hallway. I think a girl brought him flowers,” of course she did. He gets flowers and you get to drop a couple of hundred at the hairdresser to salvage what’s left. You’re not even sure you want to go at all and be faced with the vitriol.

“I really don’t need our family hairdresser to tell the whole community about my hair being charcoal black because of a drunk night out.”

“You have a family hairdresser?” it’s like it’s the most absurd thing you’ve said, stranger than your hair being burnt by an open flame, or the fact that you smashed a mirror and your mother dragged you out anyway, or the countless other things, actually, that you’d said and he hadn’t really cared to comment on.

“You focus on the wrong things.”

“And all you focus on is superficial at best,” you wonder what he considers the worst, “so you’re not going to get it fixed?”

No, you are going to get it fixed. That’s what you want to tell him, that of course you’re going to drag your ass there right after your final lesson is over. That it’ll be perfect again tomorrow and you will be perfect and you can forget all about it. Maybe you can even forgive Eric if you’re feeling extra generous, although you don’t think you will be.

“I will. I just… have to find another hairdresser. I don’t really know how to do that.”

“Google it?” you grimace, eyeing him strangely yet he looks at you like you have three heads. Like something is seriously wrong with you and you wonder if he’s right or if he just has no concept of the real world.

“I don’t want them to say something.”

“I doubt they care,” Changmin offends you, but he says it nonchalantly and casually as he puts out his cigarette and discards the filtered end, “let me do it.”

“I’d rather die than let you touch me,” it’s a quick answer, snapping back at him with determination because you really would rather sign an early death than let him any closer than he already is just sitting here next to you.

“But I don’t care about how ridiculous you might look,” so he admits you probably look insane. You know better than to believe that he wouldn’t laugh at you, yet you also wonder if maybe that was better than it being spoken around your closed community and bringing embarrassment to your parents for your drunk failings. They didn’t care what you did if it didn’t affect them, yet this might and therefore it became a bigger problem.

“Do you even know how to cut hair?”

“How hard can it be?”

“Absolutely not,” you think that’s the end of it, but you hadn’t known Changmin to be so determined with something such as this, for he seems persistent in making a case for himself as he turns to you fully.

“I think you should think about it.”

“You could make it worse. You have no idea what you’re doing and you hate me too,” he doesn’t disagree with it, though he does seem to think. Perhaps another way of making his case though you really don’t know what could convince you when you had money at your fingertips to even fly halfway across the globe for someone to fix it for you.

Which, actually, might’ve not been a bad idea. No one would know you abroad.

“I wouldn’t cut it any more than where the strands are burnt.”

“No.”

“Fine, at least let me see it.”

“Absolutely not,” he huffs like a child, watching the clouds pass while the sky dims to a depressing grey, indicating rainfall. You don’t need to be laughed at, especially by someone lesser than you.

“I have to go,” you want to ask him how his date went. You remember it now that he goes to leave. Yet you also know not to ask him. The last thing you wanted was his assumption that you might be interested in him, “you can think about it.”

“I don’t think I will.”

“Suit yourself, little doll,” he leaves you alone and you simply stay sat with a frown on your face until the raindrops start falling and you’re forced to go inside.

They had all been right. You’d lost your mind, completely, because the hairdresser you had found completely destroyed your ends even more and you refused to let yourself be seen by anyone until it was fixed. Like a dog with his tail between his legs, you drove to university without the intent of actually going to class, but rather waited like a stalker for Changmin to appear at some point, because he had to, right?

It took far longer than you’d hoped, because the first time he had appeared, there were far too many people around for you to give in to his suggestion of doing it himself, but turns out paying for it to have it done professionally hadn’t done much of a difference and had been far from worth it.

The second time he came out, he had his nose in a book and was barely watching where he was going, and you figured it would be the perfect time to step out and talk to him. You’d still dressed up, albeit not as much as you usually might to avoid detection, when you approach him and stand right before him.

“Sorry,” he mumbles, his head not moving up to look at you as he keeps walking. You felt ridiculous chasing him, but you grabbed his shoulder and stopped him in his steps, finally looking up to face you, “oh, it’s you.”

“What do you mean, oh?”

“Exactly what it sounds like. What the fuck happened to your hair?” Changmin asks, seeing that you kept it out but hidden under the hood of your jacket, and he could still see the damaged parts as you’d eventually gotten up mid hair appointment to leave before she could finish and do any worse.

“Someone fucked it up, obviously. Are you stupid?”

“No, but your insults when you want something from me are a poor choice,” you cross your arms, standing straighter to look down on him, heels just tall enough to do so while he adjusts and closes his book, “so, what is it?”

“I… need your help,” fuck, that pains you. It really kicks your ego and confidence to have to ask something of him. Well, not that you had to, but you were refusing the family hairdresser even more now and if Changmin fucked up too, at least his services were free.

“You want my help?”

“You offered it,” you bite back, but he doesn’t seem pleased. If he was taking his offer back, you felt like he should just say so, but instead he was smiling as he lit a cigarette.

“That I did,” he was so cocky, it reminded you of Juyeon, “I guess I could give it a try.”

“You said you would.”

“I said I can do it if you’d like me to try.”

“And I’m telling you to.”

“But you should be asking me.”

“Changmin, you think I haven’t been through enough embarrassing shit because of you? You owe me this fucking favour before I break your neck with my heel.”

He stops entirely, eyeing you up and down briefly before he finally settles on your eyes again. It’s a little intimidating to have him stare at you so intently, but you refuse to show discomfort and stand your ground. He fucking owed you this and you knew that he did. He did owe it to you, at the very least for the rumour involving you and Juyeon.

“Okay, sure. But I’m driving.”

He discards his cigarette and holds out his hand for the key, and you really think he’s joking before he gives you another look telling you to hurry up.

“Are you serious?”

“Think of it as payment,” it’s crazy to you but you ultimately agree. Curse you for not using your driver for one day, but why should you when you weren’t even planning to attend classes. It just left another witness to tell your parents that you had been faltering in the one thing they expected you to do well on.

“I hate you,” his hands hold the key to your Mercedes and he seems content, and you watch as he steps up inside your car so carelessly that it makes you nearly cry out to tell him off.

When you get in, he leans over and places his bag down by your feet and you note that same cologne that had sat on his hoodie that you took so long ago. A creature of habit, whereas you went through various perfumes depending on the type of outfit you were wearing.

“Can you be more careful? The interior is custom.”

“Of course it is,” he adjusts the seat and you realise what a bad idea this really was because everything he changes now, you’ll have to change back, but it was too late. He settled and reversed the car far faster than you would’ve liked, barely looking in his rearview mirror to see if he’d hit someone.

“Do you even know how to drive?”

“It’s an automatic. Even an idiot can drive one. Exhibit A,” he looks at you and you ignore it by looking ahead before he abruptly hits the breaks because someone crosses the parking lot completely unexpectedly, “god, some people just want to die.”

“Do you even have a licence?”

The silence confirms your expected fear and you cannot believe you just put your life in his hands. You wish you could hit the brakes, but he’s turned into the main road and now you’re wondering if you’ve well and truly lost your mind. You can practically hear Chanhee’s voice berating you for the insanity that you’re currently in.

“Where am I going, by the way?”

“I guess my house,” he sighs, and your hand instinctively falls to the wheel to pull him more to the right to avoid the left lane.

“Yeah, and where is that?”

“Oh, right. I’ll write it in the nav,” he scoffs like it’s absurd, but you’re not really in the mood to give instructions and honestly you didn’t think you’d be very good at it. You knew the way well and your mind would naturally think where to turn without saying it outloud.

“You’re driving too fast,” at this point you’d fully accepted your potential demise, because making him pull over seemed like an almost worse idea at this point.

“I thought it was sixty.”

“It’s fifty,” you answer him, and at least he listens and slows down, maybe because being caught meant you’d both be in horrific trouble.

There’s no music and the silence in such close proximity isn’t exactly your idea of fun, but it’s becoming a little more familiar than you’d like to be like this with Changmin. It wasn’t that you liked him or enjoyed his company, but the way you both sat together without speaking had become a little common, at least enough that you found it to be okay.

“This cannot be real,” he mumbles, the gates to your community closed before you hand him the keycard. He looks at it like it’s alien, but he opens the window and reaches for the keypad to open the gate, “I actually hate rich people.”

He doesn’t sound genuine, more baffled if anything as he drives in and over to your house. His eyes just widen more as he parks outside the front steps leading to the massive entrance door, but you’re more relieved that you survived driving as a passenger with someone that had no right to even take you anywhere with a car, “I was gonna say park in the garage but I suppose you can leave it.”

“I think I’m good, yeah.”

You step out with him, taking the key back as soon as he lets it dangle between his fingers for you to take, and you walk in with him and greet one of your cleaners that seems more than a little surprised to see you with someone. Normally you might make an attempt to hide who you were with, but she was nice and didn’t speak often, especially to your parents unless it was work related, so you knew her to not be the type to say something.

You really hoped, anyway, or you were definitely fucked.

“Do you have scissors for cutting hair?”

“I think we do somewhere. I’ll ask someone,” though Changmin doesn’t seem to be listening, because his eyes are cast elsewhere and you notice your little ragdoll perched on the railing and looking at him with curious eyes.

“Oh, look at this little cutie,” he approaches her carefully, holding his hand out gently but she seems more than a little excited, which you find unusual, though maybe she sensed his compliment to stroke her little ego.

“Thought you didn’t like cats?”

“How can I not when I see this little dear, hmm?”

She purrs in response, pushing her head up into his palm as he scratches her ear, and you nearly roll your eyes at seeing her unusual affection. She liked Chanhee, sure, but even that had taken some time, but with Changmin she’s practically on his lap within the first minute.

“Do you have any treats for her?”

“Sure, they’re in my room. Or the kitchen.”

He follows after you, the little lady prancing after him like she’s straight out of the aristocats, elegant in how she moves and so confident in her step. Lady really is a diva.

“They’re on the desk,” you gesture over to the corner and Changmin moves over to find them, but he’s slow and looking around like he’s taking it all in. It leaves you a little vulnerable, only because the way you’ve decorated is a look inside who you are, feminine and expensive, with simple colours and beautiful plants and endless books that are overflowing on your shelf.

“I didn’t know you read.”

“You don’t know anything about me.”

“I know you’re a pain in my ass. Here you go, darling,” he crouches down, holding out a treat for your cat while you open a window. She seems pleased, tapping his hand for more with her little paw and even you admit it’s a cute display of affection from her.

“I’ll look for the scissors.”

Changmin doesn’t answer, busy being loved by a cat and so you leave them both while on the hunt for some scissors. In the end, you ask one of the cleaners if he’d seen any around while finishing up your parents’ bathroom and to your surprise the search is successful when you go through one of the drawers.

You pass the kitchen and grab a bottle of water from the fridge, one for Changmin too because you hadn’t asked and you were not prepared to walk back downstairs again in case he wanted some. That, and you brought a packet of gummy bears, not for you but him, and then came back upstairs to see Changmin still on the floor waving a string with a little tiger on the end that Lady was chasing relentlessly.

“I found them,” he looks up at you and she takes the opportunity to pounce on the toy, dragging it between her claws as he tries to push against her, “I also have water.”

“Voss?”

“Yeah?”

“Isn’t that overpriced tap water?”

“Tap water tastes like blood. This is citrusy,” you hold it out to him, and he takes it despite his apprehension.

“Put a lemon in it,” he says, before adding, “and why do you know what blood tastes like?”

“Why do you not?”

He gets up while you rummage around your room, moving your chair right in front of your mirror to give you a view of what he’s doing, “I might need wine, on second thought.”

“I’m not going to ruin your hair any more than it already is,” at least he acknowledges the horrific state it was in, but you knew that, “did the hairdresser cut it that weirdly?”

“I didn’t let her finish. Look at this,” you show him one of the butchered strands and even Changmin looks more than a little shocked that a professional had done such a horrific job.

“I’ll have to cut quite a lot. You realise that, right?”

You did. Of course you knew your once beautiful long hair would be no longer than right by your shoulder and that fucking shattered your heart and confidence, but you could not keep it like this either and magically having longer hair again wasn’t happening without a wig or extensions.

“I won’t cut before you tell me it’s fine but a lot of it is still burnt up to about… here,” he gestures to your collarbone, though he’s careful not to touch you. Maybe he knows you won’t like it and he’s right, you wouldn’t like it, but you were surprised by his way of keeping boundaries.

“If you manage to do this well I’ll buy your groceries for a week,” Changmin perks up, like he hadn’t expected it but they were words he was happy to hear. Almost like he needed it.

“I wouldn’t mind that,” and now your mind wandered again, because he’d insisted he had at least some money and yet he made it sound like he was struggling just to buy some food. Though you try not to dwell on it as you grab your hairbrush to gently get the knots out of your hair.

“I really don’t want you to cut more than you need to.”

“I already told you I won't,” he’s getting frustrated, you can tell, but you want to make sure he gets it. If he didn’t listen to you, it would be so much worse and you’d be absolutely destroyed, and Changmin likely wouldn’t care because it didn’t affect him.

“Okay, so I have a plan,” he says, and even those words cause you worry but you’re willing to hear him out before you both commit, “I’ll just cut all the long hair that’s left up until slightly above your chest and then I’ll actually be neater and more precise with what’s left to work with that’ll get rid of all the burnt hair.”

Not a terrible plan, actually. It’s not like he’d have to be neat cutting up to a certain point if it wasn’t going to stay. It would be a waste of both your time if he did it that way, “okay, we’ll try that.”

“Do you want any music?” Changmin asks you, your cat jumping up onto the bed to perch herself on the edge and watch the way you both move and speak. You wonder if she can tell you both dislike each other, or if she thinks maybe that’s a friend. It makes you curious to know how cats think, but that was a whole other thought process that you were honestly too sober to consider really having.

“I can turn some on,” you connect your phone to your speakers, pressing the shuffle button and leaving it on one of the coffee tables you had next to the mirror full of perfumes and some accessories.

You take a seat and place a towel that you’d gotten around your back and a little towards the front of your body, adjusting your back so it’s straight as Changmin stands behind you. You watch him in the mirror, the way he studies your hair and seems to be contemplating on how to best approach it. It makes you nervous, and once again you’re wondering when you became this insane.

“Okay, I’ll just start cutting.”

“Okay.”

You both fall silent, though you’re left still staring at him in the way you both reflect before you amongst a few polaroids stuck on your mirror. Your heart picks up when you feel his fingers brush the back of your neck as he takes some of your hair between his fingers, but you push it away and try to focus on something else. Anything else.

The first strands of hair fall and you feel like crying. You see the way they end up on the floor, how they lay there and you feel terrible. It feels like you’re ripping away a big piece of yourself and you didn’t wish for it to ever happen.

“I can’t believe Eric did this to me.”

“Wasn’t it an accident?”

“I don’t care,” you snarl, crossing your arms and watching him cut away more and more pieces. For a second you wonder if he’s cut too much but he seems to know how to read your mind because he brings what’s left of it to the front of your body so that you can see its length, most of it the promised length he’d agreed on with you aside from the bit of hair that was already ruined or made shorter before he ever got to it.

“If it helps, I think short hair might suit you,” might. Not that it would, that it might, and that really doesn’t sit well with you, because what if it doesn’t?

“Short hair isn’t pretty on women,” you tell him, but he looks entirely perplexed at your statement, as if he finds it to be absurd.

“According to who? You?”

“Everyone,” a lot of men, mostly, and some women. Juyeon didn’t like it either, you knew that. He’d told you once when one of your female acquaintances had cut her hair and he looked at her like she’d grown two heads.

“I think some women look better with short hair,” he tells you but you don’t really buy it. Then again, you don’t really know Changmin’s type, and once again you’re reminded of his date. Maybe you could ask now, right?

“Did your date have short hair?”

Subtle. You could laugh at yourself, laugh at how pathetic you’d become and how Changmin was often the reason for your downfall. Of course he was, and you cursed yourself for ever agreeing to kick him out of that forsaken party months ago.

“She did not, no. Unless you consider a little over the shoulder short.”

“I do,” he sighs again and maybe you want to smile because honestly, it is a little funny at this point, how quick he is to be annoyed and how quick you are to be the same, “did it go well?”

“Do you really want to know about my dating life?”

“I’m just trying to make conversation,” you lie, because honestly you were really curious to know. You wanted to know what she looked like, if she was beautiful, more so than you.

“It was fine. Didn’t really have much chemistry,” he tells you, adjusting his glasses briefly as he dusts off some of your cut hair from your back.

“You mean like sexually?”

“What? No. I mean in general. Chemistry isn’t just sex,” to you, it was most of it. At least you believed it to be. Good chemistry came from desire and lust, which is why you and Juyeon had worked so great when you were in love. You wanted to answer, maybe even defend yourself where he didn’t know you had to, but instead you kept your mouth shut, “I’m going to cut more now.”

“A lot?”

“I think if I play my cards right, it’ll just about be touching your shoulder,” he answers you and you agree, sighing as you adjust the way you sit again and watch him in the mirror.

You watched the way he concentrated, how he bit his lower lip and occasionally adjusted his glasses if he leaned forward too much. He seemed so intent on doing well that it calmed you just a little. At least he would try, you assumed, and all you’d have to do in return was get his groceries.

You were both silent for a long time, simply watching his hands move between strands of hair, trying not to tug too much or break off more hair with what was burnt. The music wasn’t overbearingly loud, and your cat was soft asleep now, sprawled out comfortably in your duvet. It was all very peaceful, strangely so.

You came to realise even more in such silence that Changmin really was just so pretty.

“You’re staring at me,” he tells you, not once making eye contact with you and yet he’d caught you.

“What am I meant to look at?”

“I was only telling you.”

“Does it bother you?”

He stops, meeting your eyes in the mirror and suddenly you look away, “no, I don’t really care.”

You both fall silent again and you watch as he fixes the broken ends and frowns when it doesn’t seem to be going how he wants it to. Seeing him concentrate is a little amusing, because his nose occasionally scrunches and he lets out a little breath of air in annoyance when it just doesn’t work.

“Did you ruin it?”

“Do you really want the truth?”

“Changmin, what the fuck did you do?”

He laughs, and it sounds so happy and amused you turn around and hit his arm, making him jump back and hunch over even more to clutch his stomach while he chuckles. You want to know what the hell is so funny when he’s potentially done worse to you, but he doesn’t say a single word.

“Changmin!”

“It’s nothing. I just find your lack of faith in me hilarious,” your arms cross and some of your hair falls to your face, but to your surprise it seems shockingly neat.

“I was just going to say that I was right. Short hair suits you,” you heart lurches forward again and you’re stunned on what to say. It’s clear to you that it’s a compliment and maybe an attempt at making you feel far better, but all it manages to do at first is make you feel more vulnerable. He’s the first to see you like this and he’s not turning away from it or insulting you the way you would’ve insulted yourself. He’s kinder to yourself at this moment than you would ever be, and it doesn’t even feel forced.

You don’t know what to say.

“You don’t need to say that. We’re not friends,” he looks exasperated, like he’s near given up on ever being kind to you and you hope he truly stops trying. You don’t want to be friends, and while you’ll admit he’s not been as bad as you might’ve initially presumed, you would never want to speak of this after.

“I think it’s nearly done.”

“Are you sure?” Changmin looks at you through the mirror, his eyes finding yours so quickly it makes you stop and stare back at him with strange interest.

“Mhmm, where’s your hairbrush?” you hand it to him and he thanks you, brushing through the strands with a gentle touch you’ve never even given yourself. He’s so careful, like he truly doesn’t want to hurt you, and you’re not really sure when that became important to you but it makes you smile, “I think I should change majors.”

You know he’s teasing though his confidence leaves you curious. From what you can see, it isn’t terrible, but you have yet to see the full result and it’s scary to realise that your hair no longer reaches very far. You’re not even sure how the hell you’re going to style it when you have to have it up, or want to. In the end, maybe you would need extensions.

“Do you have any hair oil?”

“I can’t believe you know what that is,” you get up, intentionally ignoring the mirror to stare back as you move to your bathroom, rummaging through one of the drawers before you find the serum you’re looking for, bringing it over to him, “here.”

He nods, standing in front of you and you don’t make an attempt to move. You let him reach for your hair behind your ear, bringing it forward between his delicate fingers with the oil you’d brought him, bringing it to your short ends and you simply let him. He’s never been this close to you, you don’t think, but it surprises you how it doesn’t make you grimace and want to turn away. Changmin’s in your space, but he isn’t invasive with it either, so very careful with his movements like he’s wondering when you’ll actually shrink away.

“Done,” okay, fuck, now you’d have to look. It would either make you want to curl in on yourself or you’d be content to deal with it, even if you hated the short hair either way. You were already prepared to not like it, but you turn around and it hits you again.

“I hate it,” Changmin’s face briefly falls, maybe with worry or just genuine upset because it sounds like an insult towards him. It’s the very first time where your heart sinks because you feel bad for making him believe he’d done something horrific when he’d helped you. He looks so genuinely pained, almost like he’s afraid that you’ll turn violent for what he’d done, and how truly sorry he looks makes you feel awful.

“I’m sorry,” you shake your head, turning back to him so you can avoid the mirror, and you make an effort to look into his dark brown eyes framed by his glasses, the softness in them not going unnoticed by you. The way he looks like he’s ready to walk out with a knife in his back.

“No, I just… I hate having my hair short,” you attempt, awkwardly reaching for his arm in an attempt to make it better, but it’s awkward for you both and so you remove your touch and look back at him instead, “I think you did great, Changmin.”

“You can be honest.”

“I am. I think it’s really neat,” which was true. He’d cut it precise and straight just along your shoulder and nothing seemed out of place. It was hard to believe he’d never done this before.

“I should get going,” there’s a voice in the back of your mind offering him to stay a little longer, but your mother could be home at any point and you knew very well that she wouldn’t like Changmin at all, even if he’d done you a favour.

“Wait…” he stops, his jacket just pulled over one of his sleeves as he looks at you, “what about your groceries?”

“Forget it, it’s fine,” he’s upset. Something is on his mind and you want to know what it is. You don’t really believe him to be the type to be so hung up on one of your insults. He’d never been before, and some had been far worse than this, and yet he’d never been so quiet towards you.

“No, I think I should,” you reach for your purse and while you can tell he wants to leave, he doesn’t walk out. He waits for you to gather your things and then stares at you.

“I really don’t need your charity.”

“It’s not charity. You cut my hair,” he looks like he wants to agree with you. Like he knows that he did and yet he doesn’t really want to acknowledge it.

“Fine.”

It was already late in the evening when you got to the store, not realising how time had slipped away from you both while you were at home. You’d thought Changmin had been quick, but reality had been different and time had simply flown away from you.

“This place is expensive.”

“Is it?” you shrug, never having thought of it as you step out of the car, waiting for him to follow suit though he hesitates for far longer before he finally comes out of the car, approaching you with apprehension, “does it matter? You’re not paying for it.”

Changmin huffs, nails digging into his knuckles while he stares ahead at the store in front of you. You weren’t ready to admit to him that you hadn’t done groceries in years because it was always done for you, and you were not going to admit that the corner store when you were missing some snacks was as far as shopping for food went for you.

“I don’t need you to spend money on me.”

“I doubt I’ll notice it’s gone,” he scoffs, clearly unimpressed as he walks with you. You don’t like it, because it feels like he’s looking down at you again, like you’re lesser than him when that has never been the case. You don’t understand the issue or why it should even concern him if you’re spending your allowance on him, but for some reason it does.

“You realise the problem with that, right?”

“What problem?”

His kind eyes are gone, replaced with the ones you know far better. The eyes that judge you, that see you as frustrating and annoying, the ones that hate you and think you’re unimportant. You hate that gaze, the way he looks at you, and yet it doesn’t go away, nor does it fade in intensity, even while you watch him grab a shopping cart and step inside because you simply refuse to do it yourself.

“What would you like?”

“I haven’t really thought about it,” he starts, clearly in thought before he adds, “I need cat food.”

It catches you off guard. Changmin feels selfless, in that regard. How his first thought for what he needs isn’t for him at all but rather his pet. It makes you look at him differently, even just for a moment.

“That’s at the back.”

He follows you, completely silent and now it feels awkward again. It’s almost amazing how quickly you both revert back to this.

“What does he eat?”

“He likes tuna,” he reaches for something, a packaged box of cat food with an assortment of different flavours and you grimace.

“Is that good for him?”

“It’s all I can afford,” he snaps back, putting it in the cart but you don’t seem pleased. If he had a cat, he should at least put in the effort to feed him well. You’d never understand pet owners who practically fed Mcdonald’s to them in jelly form.

“I’m paying for it.”

“And I’m not changing his diet for a week or two just because it’s not on my dime,” well, you lost that argument, albeit begrudgingly because you didn’t agree with it.

“Can I at least choose some treats for him?”

“Do whatever you want, princess,” you freeze up, briefly reminded of Juyeon and his voice and the way he calls you princess. How that’s his thing to do, not Changmin’s, nor anyone else’s. You didn’t want anyone else to call you that, yet you were so frozen in place by surprise that you couldn’t tell him to stop. Instead, you fall silent and pick something out for him that you hope he’ll like, placing it in the cart before you follow Changmin to another aisle.

You don’t speak to him for a while, and it’s so awkward to watch him find random things, and even worse when he finds something only to put it back because the price makes him do a double take. And each time you make an attempt to offer to get it anyway or tell him it really doesn’t make a difference to you, he gives you a look of such discontent, like he wants you to keep your mouth shut and it surprises even you that you do.

You were stubborn and weren’t one to back down, and yet you would find it so embarrassing if an argument ensued between you both in public. It was bad enough that you were both together with the potential risk of someone you knew seeing it, but even worse if you brought on that attention through your disagreements when you could’ve avoided it.

“I think I’m done,” you look down at all the items and frown, wondering how the hell that’s meant to last a week. It makes you think again, if he really could make this last for a while or maybe he just really didn’t want to live off your dime and you’re not so sure what bothered you more.

“Do you not eat?”

“Coming from you?”

Another insult and it leaves you angry, but you also wonder if he’d noticed. If he had, you wondered how. If he was simply attentive or watching you constantly when you weren’t looking like some creep, “I eat.”

“I’d hope so,” you want this evening to be over. It would be nice to go home and curl up in your bed, to maybe call Chanhee and hear your best friend’s voice, to maybe text Juyeon to get a goodnight that was kind and sweet, to maybe ask Hyunjae if he was planning a party any time soon so that you’d have something new to look forward to and redeem yourself and your reputation.

“There’s nothing else you want?”

“Nope,” you look down at all he’d chosen again and it just doesn’t sit right with you, but you don’t say anything else. It’s none of your business, how he chooses to consume his meals or what his motive or intentions are in not taking advantage of you buying everything for him, but it feels like an insult to you and your money that he’s not using it properly.

It also bothers you, how he’d seemed enthused earlier at the prospect of you getting groceries for him, how he’d even laughed while doing your hair and how when he'd smiled it even reached his eyes, only to stand here with him now and see the way his eyes seem lifeless, how his smile has faded and he seems so miserable and over being around you.

“Fine,” is your answer, cold just like him as you both go to the check out, paying for all his things whilst he packs them up. You’re both so silent, the woman scanning all his items gives you both a look, as if she knows you’re both fighting and can feel the tension between you both.

You don’t end up spending much at all, far less than you’d expected, and yet when you try to pay, Changmin steps up to you, “I’ll just get it.”

“No, I want to get it,” you push him away from you, but he surprises you in his strength and resistance, barely moving an inch while you try to tap your watch against the card machine.

“I don’t want you to.”

“I said I would!” you snap and he finally stops fighting you, maybe in his shock because you’ve raised your voice publicly, but you manage to pay and the woman gives him a sympathetic look with kind eyes as if to tell him she’s sorry for your behaviour.

It’s silent as you both go to the car but you can feel his anger radiate off him. You already know he might snap, the question is what his anger will look like. You’re not afraid of it or Changmin, because while you don’t know him well, you don’t believe he’d hurt you in frustration. But you do wonder what he’ll say, if anything at all.

You try to ignore him by drowning it all out with music, occasionally glancing over at him though he’s on his phone not paying attention to you. It was like having a random strange man in your car, one that wouldn’t take any time to get to know who he was even with, but you supposed that was better than the alternative.

“I don’t know your address,” you tell him eventually, realising you were just heading back to your place when you should very likely be going a whole other direction.

“Drop me anywhere. I’ll take the bus.”

“I’m already driving,” he sighs, but he doesn’t fight you either, reaching over to the touch screen in the centre of your car to find the navigational system so that he can type in his address. You knew the area by name, though you’d never done more than pass it by. When you were younger, your parents had insisted on avoiding places such as the one you were now going to, for it was full of criminal activity and rather dangerous at night. At least so they said.

“Thank you for helping me,” it takes a lot for you to say it, so you hope at the very least he’ll realise how difficult it is for you and to appreciate that you managed to say it anyway. He doesn’t react at first, looking outside into the dark, up at the city lights and the way everything reflects, but eventually he pays attention to you again when the trees get boring and a droplet of rain falls onto the window.

“It’s nothing.”

“Yeah but… you didn’t laugh at me.”

“There was nothing to laugh at,” he made things difficult. It was hard to speak to him, sometimes moreso, because he just seemed so indifferent when you didn’t want him to be. You also knew him to be different, just sometimes, because you’d had little glimpses of it, and you wondered where they went when he stopped smiling.

“Juyeon would’ve found it hilarious.”

“I’m not Juyeon,” he interrupts angrily, this time turning his head to look at you properly and it distracts you. You were near certain though you’d gotten no real confirmation that they didn’t like each other at all, and yet his instant protest made it far more evident than you’d presumed it to be.

“You make him sound like a bad person.”

“If he would’ve laughed at you, then isn’t he?”

No. You want to say no. Juyeon was flawed but not bad. He was always so kind to you, until the moments in which he wasn’t but you knew how to ignore those for the good things you got. But then you wondered why you’d broken up at all if he was what you wanted. It was hurting your head to think about it, to think about Juyeon was always so complicated and painful, yet here you were again wondering if you could ever have him back.

“He’s not that bad.”

“Right,” you’re not sure why you wanted him to fight with you. To tell you you’re wrong, that Juyeon was fucking terrible and destroyed every little bit of confidence within you so that he could mold it back together into the perceived beauty that he wanted. Until you were created to be only his.

You’re not sure why you want Changmin to say it, because you know you’ll resist him anyway.

“Why do you care?”

“I don’t, really. I just don’t get it. I’ll never understand wanting to be hurt by someone you think should love you,” you fall silent first. You want to defend Juyeon but you’re not sure how to do it without sounding pathetic.

“He does love me,” Changmin doesn’t say anything else. He rolls down your car window and lights a cigarette without even asking if he can though you say nothing about it. Maybe you might normally, but you stop yourself this time because your thoughts are muddled and you’re not sure you can even really think.

“It’s just here,” he breaks you out of your thoughts and you park just a bit down the road where there’s space, watching him get out of the car but you stay put at first. You feel a little numb, frozen even, though when he opens the trunk of the car, you finally snap out of it and follow after him.

“You don’t need to help me,” you don’t listen to him, grabbing one of the bags before shutting the back of your car and looking at him expectantly, “you’re not coming inside.”

“Fine.”

You’re a little disappointed. Mostly because your curiosity has grown and you really want to meet his stray cat, but Changmin seems determined to keep you away from the little furball, “next time then.”

He seems as surprised as you by your words, although deep down you think you both know they’re not meant. You likely won’t ever be here again, and so the final steps to the front door of the apartment complex is all you’ll ever get a glimpse of into his life. You wonder how he lives, what it looks like, if it’s neat or cluttered, dark or bright.

You wonder if his interior reveals his interests and hobbies, or if it’s monotone and hard to decipher. You realise you wonder so much in this moment, about Changmin and who he is, what he’s really like away from what you see. But maybe what’s inside is too vulnerable for him to reveal, that he keeps it to himself because it feels safer.

You wonder even if just for a moment, what it would be like to get to know him beyond you both standing here in the light rain.

“Well, thank you for the groceries,” you hold the last bag out to him for him to take and he does, leaving you to stand there with no real purpose other than to look at him.

“Yeah… of course,” you don’t know what you’re saying. You’ve forgotten how to formulate a sentence and it feels suffocating to stand here with him. You really want to leave, though not because you detest Changmin in the way you might sometimes believe, but rather because it feels so strange to just stand there with him, with no real purpose or gain out of it, “goodnight Changmin.”

He nods, reaching for his key rather awkwardly and you’d help if it didn’t mean reaching into the pocket of his jacket. You watch him struggle though he manages eventually, turning only briefly before he ultimately sighs, “I should walk you to the car.”

You want to ask why until you remember what your parents had said. Maybe they were right, that it really was unsafe and Changmin knew it too, “I’ll be fine.”

“I don’t care,” he puts his bags down in the hall right next to the door, letting it fall shut after him as he comes back down the steps to where you stand to begin the short journey back to your car. It’s so awkward between you both, so painfully silent and you think back to the woman at the grocery store again, the way she’d stared at you both.

“Well, I survived the walk to my car,” you think you see a faint smile on his face, but you don’t want to comment on it in case he notices and lets it fade away again, “goodnight Changmin. For real this time.”

Changmin smiles. He genuinely smiles and his dimples show on his cheeks enough to make you want to mirror a similar upturn of your lips. It’s contagious, and he stands there as you shut the door though let your window down just a little in case he wants to say anything else to you.

At first, you don’t think he’s going to. You think he’s going to let you leave but when you start the car, he leans his arms against the opened window and looks up at you again, carefully, as if his eyes are searching for something within your own and you wonder if your cheeks look as warm as they suddenly feel.

“Get home safe, little doll,” you want to answer but you’re left completely stunned by him. The wave of emotions you go through in his company can’t be quite good for you. It makes you feel vulnerable and a little confused and you can do nothing to help it. It’s simply there, every single feeling is right at the surface and you can’t hide it.

It makes you feel so exposed, enough that your words get caught in your throat and you have to simply drive away, seeing him in your rearview mirror, and you hope he gets inside and off the street if it really is as bad as you’d been told here.

You don’t mean to do it, but after a few minutes you turn around just to check that he’d gone inside, slowing down when you don’t see him anymore, nor do you see the groceries he’d placed down just inside when he’d chosen to walk you back to your car.

Which meant he was okay, and you could go home.

You’re at another one of Juyeon’s parties and you’ve had a little too much to drink. You don’t know what time it is, nor are you sure on where you’re even going. It’s disorienting for you to even walk, dizzying in hallways you’re familiar with and yet you can’t make out where you are. Eventually you give up and try to roll a cigarette, but you swear you’re seeing double and can’t even imagine the state you’re in.

Wondering if you look like a disaster, you try to see if you recognise anyone, though you’re alone aside from a couple making out not too far away from you. It bothers you a little, but you don’t want to bring their attention towards you and instead remain silently sat on the hardwood floor, beautifully dark and expensive. The music is still loud so you figure you must still be close to the main living room but you can’t be sure.

“Little princess, I’ve been trying to find you,” Juyeon’s worried voice breaks you out of whatever daze you’re in, looking up to see him stand there in his dress shirt that clings tight to his thin waist. He’s beautiful, of course, and you become aware of the state you must look like, now that something so gorgeous is in front of you.

What is happening to you?

“Am fine,” you mumble, wanting to close your eyes as much as you want to go outside to have a cigarette.

“You look awful,” you know. He doesn’t need to tell you, and yet when he does it stings deep and makes you wish he hadn’t said anything at all. You wish for just a moment that he’d lie to you and tell you otherwise, in a way that makes you think that the opposite might be true.

You want Juyeon to tell you that you’re pretty.

“I know,” he stares at you, silently first before he crouches down to your level. Your eyes meet and his are dark but pretty, a certain glazed spark that makes you want to kiss him, but you don’t.

“I can take you to my room,” you nod, holding your hand out to him so he can help you to your feet, and you stumble into his chest when gravity decides to not be in your favour, “when did you turn into such a drinker?”

You’re not sure, really, what had made you drink so excessively tonight, but Juyeon knew that you drank and could drink a lot so the question still takes you aback. Does he think you’ve gone off the rails?

“Am not…” though your lack of coordination and the fact that you feel increasingly ill from being intoxicated seems to suggest otherwise. Remembering how much you’ve had would be impossible to decipher so you wouldn’t even attempt it.

“Here… you should shower first.”

“Don’t wanna…” as if you’d trust yourself to even stand upright in the shower, but Juyeon seems just as persistent as you.

“I’m not letting you in my bed in this state,” you scoff, thinking it’s unbelievable that his first concern would be his silken bed sheets though simultaneously you know you’d be just the same. No way you’d ever let someone this drunk on your mattress with the chance that they’d be sick. You understood perfectly, and yet it still made you angry.

“Why’d you care so little about me?”

Juyeon doesn’t say anything first, leading you to the bathroom and you sit against the door, watching him move around without his attention ever going to you. It almost confirms the question, that he’s so indifferent and careless because you’re not worth even worrying about.

“You’re being dramatic.”

“Am I?”

You’re getting angry and it shows, pushing your body up with all the strength you can possibly find in your body, Juyeon catching you the moment you threaten to fall back to the floor. Even if he caught you, he seems to push your body away from him, like he doesn’t want you any closer and it kills something in you to have him act this way towards you when he’d been so sweet before.

“Why’re you doing this?”

“You should go home. I’ll get Chanhee,” normally, he would've let you stay. Juyeon would let you stay in his bed and the fact that he isn’t even offering it makes your heart sink deep, a heavy weighted feeling in your chest that’s just equally as hollow. Your heart is breaking and he doesn’t seem to care at all, nor does he seem to care for the consequences.

You stand completely alone, looking around the bathroom before you get a burst of energy that has you looking for any remnants of cocaine in any of his drawers. Juyeon hid it well, just in case the cleaners rummaged more than he’d requested, because he did not need anything to get back to his parents in regards to some of his more worrying behaviour. Unfortunately, you come up entirely empty and the door opens to you surrounded by a mess of his things.

“What the fuck are you doing?!” Juyeon is so angry, you truly want to fear him with how he looks at you, but Chanhee and Hyunjae both stand there too, with Hyunjae even moving to block Juyeon’s body from you. You’re not sure why he does it, but to know he seems more concerned for you than the man you loved brought a new pain to your chest that really made you want to cry. He was so careless and it hurt.

“I’ll just take her home- don’t,” Chanhee glares at Juyeon when he makes an attempt to move towards you, and you’re grateful for your best friend when he helps you back up, albeit you have no way of really focusing in on him, your vision blurry and tired.

“Did she take anything?” Hyunjae. You think it’s Hyunjae, his voice soft and gentle, sounding entirely sober and you wonder if he’d had anything to drink at all. Usually he did, a bottle always famously in hand yet he seemed so okay now, you couldn’t imagine it.

“Don’t know,” cold. His voice sounds so cold and careless, it’s the only thing you can focus on. You can’t pay attention to Chanhee holding your body up or the fact that Hyunjae is right in front of you. You don’t even notice.

“It’s like she’s been drugged,” Chanhee. It’s Chanhee, and he sounds more angry than Juyeon, though for an entirely different reason. He’s concerned for you, but in a tone you’re not familiar with.

“Just get her out then.”

“She’s about to pass out, Juyeon.”

“I don’t care, Chanhee.”

Your vision is spotted and you start to think that maybe Hyunjae’s question has merit. You’d had plenty to drink but in your mind it hadn’t been enough to act like this. Yet you were so out of it, so unaware and so ready to sink back to the floor where your heart already lay in pieces.

“I’ll carry her. Let’s just go,” you can’t make out the voice anymore. You can barely make anything out as you feel yourself being lifted up onto someone’s back. He’s warm and strong, a cologne you recognise but not familiar enough with for it to belong to Chanhee. If it’s not your best friend and it isn’t Juyeon, it had to have been Hyunjae.

You hope it’s Hyunjae. He’s the one you’d trust the most after the two other men in the room with you.

You don’t remember falling asleep nor do you remember waking up, but there’s a sharp cold breeze and wind blowing through your short cut hair, earrings swaying with every step of the man who’s carrying you.

“Should we take her to the hospital?”

“I think she just needs to sleep,” you think that’s Hyunjae. You hope it is. He’s so comfortable to hold and so warm if that’s the case.

“I can’t believe Juyeon’s such an ass he can’t even let her crash in his bed.”

“I’m gonna talk to him about that,” the voice closest to you tells your best friend. At least you presume it to be. Eventually you let your eyes reopen, nuzzling deeper against Hyunjae’s shoulder once you confirm it really is him.

“You’re awake,” your best friend looks at you with a concerned gaze that has you wanting to turn away. You don’t like that look of pity and concern for your state. You’d much rather ignore the mess you are in favour of pretending it never happened.

“Hi pretty,” Hyunjae says, turning his head slightly to look back at you. You have to admit it’s incredibly nice to walk with them like this though you’re not sure why they didn’t just get your driver or one of their own, “we’re nearly at my place”

“Mhmm, why didn’t we uber?”

“Figured you could use the fresh air. It’s not much further,” Hyunjae answers, Chanhee walking in silence with you both.

“You’re really sweet Hyunjae,” you feel him laugh, the vibrations in his chest reaching you and it makes you smile against him. It’s nice, the way he laughs, the way it reaches deep in his chest and sounds so low and carefree.

“That I am, darling.”

You make it to Hyunjae’s place not long after and you’re not really sure what happens beyond that. You think you remember Chanhee asking if he could stay in the bathroom with you while you shower, just in case you fall or hurt yourself, and you do remember agreeing and even telling him to leave the door open in case Hyunjae had to come in to help.

After that, it becomes a little more muddled, though you do get a change of clothes from Hyunjae that swallow you whole because he’d already warned you ahead of time that it was too large for him too, and then you’re curled up in the centre of his bed with both your friends on either side of you.

You’re turned facing Chanhee, far less space between you and your best friend than you and Hyunjae, though Hyunjae had insisted on keeping a larger distance because he didn’t want you to feel weird about sharing a bed with him. He was right, it was a little weird at first to be in bed with him, but you got used to it quickly because you think he made a joke and you know you laughed and then you must’ve fallen asleep before they followed suit.

And suddenly you didn’t mind it at all.

You swear you’d been hungover for two days after that cursed party at Juyeon’s house. When you had first woken up in Hyunjae’s bed, you’d still felt drunk, and that drunk feeling turned into being hungover with a throbbing headache and the following day it still persisted. It had persisted but you needed to catch up on a lot of studying, having put it on the back burner long enough that soon your parents would notice and say something, or worse, take your allowance from you.

So you found yourself back at the library, overdressed to compensate and hide how absolutely shit you felt from the amount you’d had to drink, trying to find somewhere to sit. You decided to sit on a table far in the corner, away from everyone yet still within sight of the main area, opening your laptop up and grabbing one of your many notebooks and one of your textbooks.

You think an hour goes by when you briefly leave to grab a coffee from the cafe just down the street, coming back with a warm drink and another painkiller down your throat because the headache persisted and you had at least a few more hours to study before you could tell yourself it was enough.

It hadn’t even been a minute since you’d sat when a shadow of a person stood across from you, completely still first as if debating before he speaks, presumably towards you, “you don’t mind, right?”

You raise your head to see Changmin with a coffee from the same place you’d just been to, his hair wet from rain and his glasses a little slanted, his hoodie too large for his body and covering even his palms to imitate little paws.

“I guess it’s fine,” he sits diagonally to you, adjusting his glasses and you just stare as he gets his books and a notebook out, full of coloured little tabs and sticky notes. It was colourful, unexpectedly so, and very messy in a way. You wondered how he learned anything like that, but maybe he had a method.

“You got home okay last week?”

It’s a question directed towards you but it takes a minute for you to process it while you were in a daze, blinking out of it and focusing on him properly again, the way his hands rest under his chin, two of his fingers twisting one of his rings.

“Well, I’m here, right?”

He nods, having some of his coffee before he starts to write something. You think that’s all he’ll say, so you turn back to what you’re doing and try to focus on literally anything but him. He was such an easy distraction, and yet he did nothing to be that.

“Are you hungover?” Shit.

Were you really that obvious, or was Changmin just that good at guessing? You honestly couldn’t tell, and you weren’t sure what you favoured less.

“I look like shit, don’t I?” Changmin surprises you when he smiles, not in a way that tells you he agrees but in a way that tells you he’s amused. Like he genuinely finds it funny that that was your conclusion to his question.

“Is that what I said?” Well, no, you supposed not, but it surely felt like it first when he’d posed the question, “you just look a little out of it.”

You were. God, you were so fucking over everything and you couldn’t fully describe or explain what was happening to you. Something was, but you couldn't control it nor did you control your feelings or outcomes of the situations you put yourself in when you didn’t need to be in them.

“I am, yeah,” he opens the lid of his coffee, as if trying to reach the foam that normally clings to the lid of the cup like glue. You stare at him again like a bad habit, only realising after a while that neither of you are attempting to argue with the other and maybe you don’t detest him so much.

Just maybe.

“Juyeon’s, right? I heard about it,” you look away from him in favour of finding your coffee and having some of it before it gets too cold and bitter to taste. You’re not sure what to answer to that, not more than a nod because it feels weird to know that he wouldn’t even have been invited yet he knows that it happened and that you were there.

“Yeah,” it sounds weak and you try to clear your throat, coughing instead as a result and turning your eyes back to the words in front of you, the mathematical equations that make you want to die the longer you look at them and the scribbles you’re trying to decipher even though you were the one to put them there.

“You look confused.”

“I am confused,” you tell him, and he surprises you by getting up and coming over to you, hovering into your personal space before you can ask him what the hell he’s doing. He’s close but never too close, and you hope no one is watching you both or peering in to the fact that you’re being friendly. “I can solve it for you if you want,” now it’s your turn to be amused and laugh, because no way in hell is Changmin able to look at your notes with anything other than a giant question mark over his head, “What? You think I don’t know how to do mathematical analysis?”

“Honestly, no,” you confess, and he looks at you strangely before reaching over for one of his pens.

“I can do the first one. It’ll help you figure out the second question,” you’re not sure why you agree or why you let him so easily take control of your notebook, but he does and you don’t say anything first, watching the way he writes out the equation. His motions are so fluid, the way his fingers grip the pen with confidence in what he writes. There doesn’t seem to be a single mistake as he writes, like he knows exactly how to get the answer and it amazes you.

“I didn’t know you were smart,” you’d meant it as a genuine compliment and genuine amazement but it’s clear to you that it sounds quite backhanded, which you suppose mirrors your personality towards him more. He doesn’t flinch, ignoring you entirely before he pushes your notes back to you.

“There you go,” he gets up before you can even say thank you, and it’s the sudden absence of his presence beside you that makes you realise you didn’t mind him in your space at all. You feel like you should, that you did just recently, but his closeness to you had felt like a safe presence, not a familiarity yet and not foreign enough to make you alert to it.

It was just sort of there. He just sort of existed with you.

“Thank you,” you’ve never sounded so sincere with him before, not that you had ever wanted to be nor meant it, but even when he’d been kind enough to cut your hair and not fuck it up, even then you hadn’t thanked him the way you did now, even if you’d argue that that gesture was far more important to you than this.

“You really don’t need to thank me. I find it weird,” what a way to ruin it. You roll your eyes and turn back to your work instead, using his method of solving the equation to help you figure out the rest. His handwriting was a little sloppy but you could read it fairly well, though the few times you struggle you still refused to ask him to tell you outright what it meant.

“How’s your cat?”

“You don’t have to make conversation either,” he adds, but it doesn’t sound troubled or annoyed, rather a statement that you don’t have to put in effort where you don’t want to. And then you wonder why you’re putting in any effort at all so suddenly, “he’s fine. How’s yours?”

“She’s fine.” “That’s good,” he never once looks up at you and it’s starting to bother you. Are you that ugly, that he simply didn’t want to see you at all? Was there something about you that was so easy to detest that even someone like Changmin couldn’t find it in himself to be decent and meet your eyes?

It’s like he could sense your thoughts and your bitterness of his refusal to meet your eyes, because suddenly his deep brown ones were staring into your own and you found it almost overwhelming to meet his gaze. His eye contact lingered and he didn’t falter with it, and eventually the way he stared back at you became too intense and you had to look away.

“You’re terrible with eye contact,” you were, he was right. It wasn’t very comfortable for you, and the longer someone lingered on you, the worse it got unless you were angry and intimidating someone.

“It’s weird to stare at someone.”

“You stared at me first,” fuck, so he’d noticed it. Of course he had. You knew what it was like, to feel that stare of someone enough so that you tried to find where it was coming from. In this case, Changmin had felt it yet there hadn’t been enough people around to hide that it was you. He knew instantly, because it had been obvious.

“I daydream.”

“How cute,” it sounds sarcastic coming from his lips. You don’t think he genuinely finds you cute. Honestly, you’d take it as an insult if he did. Cute was for animals, not for a grown woman, and so you were glad to know that for once he was mocking you.

There’s no words said between either of you for a while. You finish your coffee and he finishes his, and after a while he gets up and grabs both empty cups once he’s sure there’s nothing left in yours, “where’re you going?”

“Bin,” he leaves you alone and you’re left staring at him dumbly, watching his figure disappear behind rows of books and shelves. But then he doesn’t come back, and a few minutes turn into a quarter of an hour and you want to start looking for him. His things were still with you, including his phone, and you wonder why or when he became so trusting of you. Surely you could take it all or worse, you could ruin it, and he just had faith that you apparently wouldn’t.

Eventually he reappears, but you only notice because another cup of coffee is suddenly right in front of your eyes, held by hands you recognise because of the jewellery adorned, and it’s only further confirmed when you look up again to see him standing there.

“You got me a coffee?”

“Why’re you so surprised?”

Many reasons. You don’t like each other very much. His money was tight, that you knew. Or just the fact that it was the last thing you naturally expected when he’d disappeared for so long.

“How do you know what I drink?”

“Guesswork. It’s skimmed milk, too.”

Even Juyeon messed that up. He’d mess it up nearly every time and you could always taste the difference, you swore it, and yet he’d lie and say he’d gotten it right just enough for you to want to believe that maybe you were wrong. Maybe it wasn’t him that screwed up.

Surely it was always you.

“I really don’t want to keep thanking you today.”

“Then just get the next one in a few hours,” you’re rendered a little speechless on the silent assumption that you’d both be here for most of the day, but you suppose he’s being fair and that it’s very likely you’ll be here for a while, still.

“I guess,” you mumble, bringing the coffee closer to you to warm your fingers. You hold it for a while, fingers laced together before you bring the liquid to your lips to drink. It tastes exactly like you would’ve wanted it to, and briefly it makes your mind wander on how he could’ve known it so well.

You’re back to sitting in complete silence and after a few hours go by like that, Changmin seems disinterested in his work and instead wanders off before returning with a book to read. It brings amusement to your lips, an upwards smile that you try to hide under your hand because you don’t want him to comment on it. Thankfully he doesn’t seem to notice, or if he does, he ignores it.

“Well… I suppose it’s my turn,” you mutter, reaching over for his empty cup before taking your own. He looks up at you with warm eyes, adjusting his glasses again and you start to think that it might be a habit given the repetition in which you see him do so.

“I’ll have a cappuccino.”

“Do you want it with the chocolate powder?”

“Yeah, just as it comes is fine,” you leave your things aside from your wallet and phone, as well as the two empty to-go cups and make your way out. It’s a strange feeling, running an errand of sorts you suppose for the both of you. And yet studying with Changmin across from you isn’t bad at all. Actually, you find it strangely peaceful, because he doesn’t bother you at all but his presence makes you feel less isolated.

You like that he doesn’t really make an attempt at a conversation where there isn’t one to be had.

“Here you go,” he mumbles something similar to a thank you, at least you think, his hand reaching out for you to place his coffee into. You do so, watching as he doesn’t once look up but his fingers dust over your own and it makes your heart jump to your throat because the feeling is foreign and strange but you want to welcome it.

You don’t like that you do, huffing in frustration at yourself and your stupid mess of emotions that have been scattered ever since that forsaken incident weeks ago. Maybe you’d have to consider therapy at this point, if the mess that was your mind persisted and the results were hangovers spread over multiple days and heart palpitations because someone simply touched you.

“Thanks,” you nod but he doesn’t seem to notice, so deeply caught up in his work that you think it might be something important, or at least incredibly interesting. He’d put the book he’d found earlier down and held his pen between his lips, fingers running through his now dry hair as he gripped the ends when he seemed frustrated.

Again, you were staring, but it was far too easy to do when he was right there and practically the only source of entertainment for your mind when your work was boring you to death.

“Struggling?”

“I suppose,” he draws out, pen no longer between his lips so he could answer you. You want to ask him what he’s doing, what exactly he’s even majoring in because you realise you have no idea. Then again, it had never interested you enough to ask and you’re not so sure if you ever will.

“Biochemistry,” he says outloud, presumably spoken to you. When you don’t answer, he looks up and stares right at you, “that’s what I’m studying.”

Wow, so he really was smart.

“Willingly?”

“Surprised?”

“Maybe,” the back and forth felt a little like flirting, and yet you knew it wasn’t that. It was a back and forth simply because the conversation never really went deeper. It was quick because there was nothing else to say.

It’s early in the evening when you decide that you've had enough. Changmin had left a few times for a cigarette, always rolling one at the table with you right there, making lazy conversation before he’d leave for a few minutes and then return. You debated asking if you could come with him just once before you remembered where you were and who you were with, so instead you sat and accepted the nicotine withdrawal.

“I think I’m done for the day,” he looks up at you briefly before he stretches his limbs, turning his shoulder either direction to warm his muscles and rid them of the tension from being mostly sat all day.

“That’s fair,” you start to pack up and there’s something in your mind wondering if you’d end up doing this again. You wouldn’t entirely mind it, as annoying as he is, when you simply sit with each other it’s rather nice and easy. It’s when the two of you start to speak to one another that problems arise. It’s when you realise again who he is that the calmness in your veins turns into something else.

“You’ll take a break at some point, right?”

“I plan to, doll,” his eyes meet yours again and you’re left staring, unsure what to make of that nickname anymore. It still bothers you and yet you perceive it as a compliment just the same, for if he calls you a doll, surely you’re delicate enough to be one?

“Don’t forget dinner,” he adds when you start to walk away from the table, and it brings you to a halt. Changmin doesn’t look up from his work, although you know that he’s aware that you’ve stopped, that you’re probably frustrated and that you want to tell him to go to hell when you let out a frustrated sigh. He has no right to tell you that, and yet the very fact that he’d brought it up at all with such casual nonchalance yet clear determined voice makes you think he might say it because he’s worried but doesn’t want to push a boundary further than he thinks he needs to.

He wants to remind you without pressuring you into a corner.

First you think of saying something, to maybe make a comment back but for the longest time you’re left standing there with nothing coming out of your lips. You simply can’t find anything to say.

“I’ll remember dinner when you forget to smoke,” he looks up from his textbook but you’ve already turned away from him, disappearing behind the shelfs and he’s left staring after you, a little lost before a faint smile falls back to his lips and his dimples become prominent despite just the faintness in which his lips curve.

You’d never know that he didn’t smoke for the rest of the night, but you did have dinner before you curled up in your bed with a book and your cat sat lazily beside you.

Changmin was starting to interest you. Not because you liked him but rather because he left you curious and a little stunned because of how strange he was. You were also wondering how or why he always managed to read you so well, it was all guess work and yet it was simply always correct just the same and you had no idea how he did it. Aside from the thought that he might be stalking you but you were always more than certain that he’d claim to have better things to do than follow you.

You hadn’t studied with Changmin since the hours spent in the library together but you had used the few notes and solutions he gave you the next few days as you revised. It was incredibly helpful, annoyingly so and you were beginning to feel a little dumb because why couldn't you have just written this out yourself? It wasn’t difficult now that you saw the answer.

Sunday night comes around and you’re lazily hanging around in bed listening to the rain outside. You’re so bored, but there was no party to attend and nothing else to really do. Chanhee said he was too busy and you weren’t going to ask Hyunjae, even though you had his number. You considered it truly, but ultimately didn’t want to give him the wrong idea of you nor were you sure how that would look if Juyeon found out.

Juyeon. A thorn in your side that pinched and twisted. He wouldn’t go away and you were conflicted on whether or not you wanted him to. You cared for Juyeon deeply and yet he seemed to prove the opposite in return, that you were worth the minimum if nothing at all. The final bit of evidence wasn’t even too long ago, when he left Hyunjae and Chanhee to carry you home instead of simply letting you stay in his bed to recover.

It was starting to feel, just a little, like Changmin might be right. Maybe the bad did outweigh the good though you weren’t ready to face the consequences of that being true. You weren’t ready for any of it. You didn’t want it to be true, because if it was you would have to grieve something only you seemed to love and you really didn’t want to be faced with that reality.

The doorbell rings and it breaks you away. It takes you a minute to realise that you’ll have to be the one to answer, as your parents are out and none of the staff remained given the late hour. You wondered why your parents still didn’t invest their money on a live-in butler, but they insisted he would attempt to steal with all the extra time given to him in which he simply stayed here.

When you come downstairs you’re already a little annoyed. The ringing persisted and whoever it was was incredibly impatient with you getting there, so you’re already ready to yell at whoever it is but when you finally meet the gaze of who it is, you stop in your step and stare.

Juyeon.

act iii

this chapter was meant to be longer but tumblr said no so I apologise for the cliffhanger it's not my fault and also apologise that this won't be three acts only pfff

taglist: @sanaxo-o @mosviqu @sunramzi @tbzhubrecs @caratsmatic @synnocence

again, let me know if you wanna be on the taglist 💜 comments are always appreciated

series masterlist || tbz masterlist

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