#Maybe ill do it maybe i wont because so far i have like 2 things to say about it and thats it.

[semothekat]

SAYUUU SAYUUYYYSYSY

[emmetofthestars]

ok lets see how far i can go. im gonna startt. kim just gonna start.

fair warning this will either seem like incoherent rambling because my thoughts are hard to formulate or just me wanting to be rude about the sequels past we love katamari despite never playing them (i wrote this line after i finished the whole post)

anyways im about to list alot of king's outfits over the games and then rate them on 1) whether i like them personally (partly removed from context), and 2) whether i think they actually fit king. im doing this for absolutely no fucking reason and honestly im scared ill be very wrong or biased but im mnot being paid to do this for gods sakes im writign a tumblr post. i wont get cancelled for getting king incorrect. anyways

katamari damacy

(im probably going to switch between using game screenshots and transparent images)

1#: yeah i like it. he looks stupid and i like it. the cape and whatever the collar is called, in combo with the chain and gold accessories looks so silly. he doesnt look like a king besides the crown. he looks like he wants to be cool but doesnt know what that means but he knows nobody will question it cuz hes the king after all.

headdress: perfectly over-loaded. you have way too much going on. you dont need those blinking lights. and you really dont need those patterns and colors. can i try it on

2#: well its hard to say since this is the first one. and of course the first one fits him cuz. its the first one. but i think it gets his impression off very well. its a prussian blue v neck and a golden chain, with sort of maroon tights and a golden belt with the face of a lioness. bracelets and rings, and of course the triangle ruffle collar and purple flower pattern cape. its a mixed warddrobe, kind of silly, i think it works well with how you cant really take him seriously, too. rude and hurtful, yet also he. dresses like this. a kings crown, cape and collar, but his personal style underneath it. also expresses how he may be king, but hes not really taking that as being his role - rather, being himself means to be king. or being king is like, a side thing, not as important as just doing what he wants. maybe a bit of a reach, dont know if i managed to explain what im feeling properly... also, his actual clothing besides his headress isnt actually complicated, which is an interesting contrast. you would think he wants you to pay attention to his face, and not his body. he is egotistical, it makes sense that he wants you to look at him and pay attention to him in general, but the emphasis on his face is interesting.

headdress: absolutely fits. very extravagant in a way that works. the colors arent bright as hell either, which im glad they did because if they were neon and too flashy itd look too obnoxious. well itd look bad but also hes not about exactly "standing out". he loves attention, but he still has his style, and that style IS colorful, but not neon. i think it fits him well, it teeters on being over the top and subtle at the same time, like complex embroideries perhaps

we love katamari

1#: also like it. has the same color scheme of blue top and magenta purplish bottoms. though here its a bit less saturated and lighter in color. the flowers on the sleeves are a nice touch since hes no longer wearing his flower cape, and the golden ankle ring, as hes wearing nothing on his hands but his wedding ring.

headdress: neat!! i like this more than katamari damacy, but just because its kind of cute. well i like them both, but this one is easier to draw (lol) and the color scheme is nice. the lights are now flashing from the spaces of color, instead of looking like round lightbulbs, if that makes sense, and it seems more casual this way, somehow.

2#: it kinda fucks me up. but judging king in we love katamari, from how different he is compared to katamari damacy, this outfit seems kind of perfect to showcase how (almost eerily) laid back he seems to be in we love. his ruffle collar is now smoothed out, its wiggly instead of sharp. hes wearing a very wide sleeve light cyan top, a purplish flower on each sleeve, with a squiggly cut on the lapel, open to reveal his chest and a golden chain, with a piece that looks perhaps like a flower attached to it. he now has a band wrapped around his waist instead of the golden belt, with a golden lioness head piece holding it in place. lighter wine color tights. its so- i dont know. king starts off obviously excited at the fanbase and attention hes getting, so its curious he puts down the iconic outfit and gets into something so comfortable. he wants to stand out less, all of a sudden. its still very much a king outfit, but he dropped so much, i wonder why. hes laying back as usual to let prince do his work but hes really leaning into it now. not just that, but he seems almost less hurtful than katamari damacy. more open. hes still full of himself, but its toned down, muted. his occasional interjections talking about his childhood and papa are offputting in the sense that its unusual. and this outfit is unusual, too, in comparison. katamari damacys impression is that hes pompous but a bit silly (and also just a dick), we love katamaris impression is that hes egoistic- but aimless. he seems more forgetful and more lost in thought. the cape missing could also be symbolic of his openness, even if a bit cheesy. i noted that his cape might also hold some emotional weight similar to the crown, but thats based on my feelings.

headdress: reflects the casuality. its got a smaller color palette now, less patterns, and more flat spaces of color. reminds more of his headdress patterns in his childhood. its also longer now, but i dont have anything to add for that.

me & my katamari

this is where i start to get a bit iffy in general. the games are no longer directed by keita, and king doesnt actually progress any. he stays the same or changes purely because different people are writing his dialouge. me & my katamari seems to have no story otherwise, or cutscenes, even - so from here on i suppose i do get biased but there isnt much character to go off of. however- i did not play any of the games besides the first two, so i am watching gameplays.

1#: i think its alright. i dont really like the combo of colors, it feels weird with the super yellow thin cape, but it is a swimsuit style thing. i wish they changed the collar, though, or outright removed it. it feels wrong to be in there.

headdress: ehh too neon, doesnt help with colors.

2#: this is. alright, its ok. the swimsuit is relatively simple too, thought the yellow cape doesnt seem like something hed wear, especially since its supposed to be a swimsuit- a cape would make it very hard to swim, though kings zaniness could get him to wear a cape if it means looks over functionality. it isnt his normal cape of course, though im a bit sad the flower pattern is entirely missing here, or even a hint of it. instead its a swimsuit.. something... with wine and orange, and what looks like a necklace. its not a necklace exactly, but i dont know the name for this. its also got a lioness head. i dont really get the golden armband around his left arm, but eh. i think its passable overall but straying further from kings personality, though given he is just like. having a splash and having fun. and it is skin tight, which isnt really that important, but its not swimming boxers or something. swimming suit still with a touch of decency. i guess it wouldve been repetitive if this one also had a v cut, but to continue onward from we love katamari, if it had to be real casual and open as a sort of conclusion to we love katamari, i could imagine something similar to this swimsuit, but its a one-piece that covers his legs and chest but leaves his arms free. idk though. i also added this bit in an edit, so now im starting to think about actually sitting down and redesigning it, but im uh. not able to rn. and you cant save edits as drafts. oh well.

beautiful katamari

1#: really very stupid looking. i think the sleeves and puffy pants are very funny but boy i dont like this. dont really like the colors. id try it on myself tho. again, with the wiggly collar- this straight up just doesnt change in all games after we love katamari.

headdress: meh. not a big fan. its getting a bit boring now.

2#: not sure what to say. king wouldnt wear this. its really not his style. it looks more like a jesters outfit, and the lack of shoes makes it look even stranger. the weird random opening that shows a bit of his stomach is also a bit nonsensical, alone in terms of how the hell this piece of clothing works. the pants are too puffy- stripes arent something that make sense as a pattern for him. and the whole theatrics thing, with king talking to you from behind curtains he opens up, on a stage like background, feels out of character. hes not one for theatrics (literal). he likes admiration but he performs by showing off what he can do physically, not through theater or a play. not that its said he does, but the theater bit is just weird. doesnt fit him as a character.

headdress: in combo with the outfit it just doesnt make much sense, it doesnt really harmonize. its alot of shapes and colors, but not with much consideration. the colors seem to be random. the headdress and outfit are kind of at equilibrium with how much they catch your attention. obviously the headdress is more saturated and in game it has blinking lights, but you do have to look longer at the outfit, and it kind of sticks out with how it seems like such a weird pick for him. also it is just kind of a silly looking thing. maybe im just looking too hard though.

also ill b real im just getting more mad at the gameplay. the physics are missing and the katamari feels way too fast and responsive, which is frustrating me, and the game is basically back to basics with you and king and nobody else, which makes kings lines disappointing, but once again, i handle watching a game and playing it differently, and i already have bad feelings about the sequels besides we love katamari as they arent directed by keita, and king is such a specific character. the gameplay part is irrelevant though but it is making me want to watch it less. lol.

katamari forever

1#: curious! i like this outfit, removed from context. i cant say i like it as a king outfit at all, but i just like this type of outfit. fucking. no idea what that thing hes wearing at his collar is called but i have a little soft spot for that thing. hehe. dont care that its a king outfit though.

headdress: i like the colors! its mainly blues, purples and greens, but i like it. the patterns work fine for me. still boring though.

2#: this is hard. katamari forever has a bit more substance, but the whole plot literally is that king loses his memories. though he IS wearing this before he loses his memories. he has dialouge as he has levels, but technically, roboking is the main character in this. doesnt really matter, you can choose between either of their levels at free will i believe. thissss outfit is. sssssss. i dont know. the direction its taking with the fancy dandiness isnt out of place for *a* king, but it is out of place for *the* king of all cosmos. his suit and whole shebang being so bright is incredibly juxtaposed to his comfy darker pallette of katamari damacy and we love katamari - yet hes still the same character? hes not changed. he still belittles prince for low scores and small katamaris, still pretty egotistical. his outfit doesnt reflect anything on a deeper level. if anything just reflects a change in taste, but thats really not that interesting. theres cutscenes (finally) but these say nothing as hes asleep in those cutscenes. so theres nothing more to pull out of that. his responses to low or high scores seem to be mostly the same, and rather short, to be honest. when he requests something, its also pretty short. theres not alot to take out of that.

touch my katamari

1#: scared. scared of touch my katamari. i dont like this outfit but also i just dont like kings 3d model. like i dont need to tell you his face his scary and uncanny looking. its not that bad in this image but if you see even one closeup of his face its just. uncomfortable. his collar is sharp and triangle-y again, though.

headdress: i like the hearts hehe. thats about it though. dont like the fabric overlay over the texture, was kind of unnecessary. i want to spare you from looking at a closeup of the kings face though.

2#: man i dont know bro

im also getting tired and Hooo shit look at the time. i know i shouldnt do these things but you know how it is. i dont know why i did this, to be honest, but i just felt like talking a bit. my mind is a little too full on things around the cosmic family(s) and im already thinking more about queens family. oh well. i have no idea whether to tag this. i suppose i would conclude it here, despite the indeed dry touch my katamari review... this is just my little thing for me. im sure if i tag it with the katamari tag Nothing bad will happen. im going to sleep.

extra:

THIS IS AMAZING KATAMARI not tap my katamari. you can see the edge of the title literally right there in the image but i was too distracted by their whismy.

queen ❤️

amazing katamari is just a mobile endless runner so theres no story but i will say: i like this! its cute! its simple, and a combo of the katamari damacy and we love katamari outfits. yea its not special, but its ok! though again with the collar... would've liked if they kept either one or the other collar piece. but thats about it, no deep analysis. i just think this render and art style is cute in general, so exclude this from the review. headdress is neat too. again nothing special but atleast it isnt so neon, mainly pinks purples and blues. completely taking it as being cute art though.

bonus AGAIN:

roboking. there will be no outfit review its just king but robo. hes also an entirely different character anyway so an analysis doesnt make sense. but i like that his belt looks stupid and his colors go pretty well, purple yellow blue. and that his eyes are always angled down. i just like robots. all im putting him here for is to say i think his pathetic self is entertaining and i kinda wish katamari forever was better. it couldve been good. but yeah ending this off with sad little roboking. thanks for reading. bye bye

[paganwitchisis]

The Price of Freedom

Rated: E for Explicit

Pairing: AFAB Female Tav X Astarion

-Multichapter series-

Tags: DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT! Abuse, torture, smut, oral sex, rape, healing, beatings, dismemberment, breeding kink, act 3 spoilers, canon divergence, blood, violence, graphic depictions (It is Cazador after all)

Summary: While on a separate quest, it is discovered that Tav is pregnant with Astarion’s child. Problem is, Cazador finds out as well. Things get pretty dark as Cazador abducts her along with Astarion, intent on nefarious purposes. Will the couple be able to heal from his onslaught and what of the child? Read and find out! (Heed the tags! This plays out differently than other Cazador dark fics)

Note: The use of the word “mate” is more of a shortened version of soul mate, not the alpha stories on werewolves for this fanfiction (obviously we are dealing with Vampires so yeah, no werewolves at all)

RATED 18 PLUS!!!!!

Chapter one - You are here (AO3 link here) Word count is 4.2k words

Chapter 2 - Here (2.3k words)

Chapter 3 - here

Chapter One - A Hot Tip

Tav was going to shoot an arrow into his scaly face if the dragonborn was lying.

The dragonborn kept swearing over and over again that the information was legitimate and that a powerful enemy blocked the path. It was rather cryptic as far as tips went but Tav shrugged her shoulders at it. Most tips seemed to be cryptic now anyways. Tav considered his proposal. Five thousand gold on an untested and most likely fake tip for something she was already beginning to look for behind her lover’s back.

“How do I know this isn’t a fake tip?” Tav asked as she spoke to him at the bar. It was early morning still, and the crew were still sleeping away upstairs. Hells, Tav only got away because she snuck out of Astarion’s arms, and when he awoke, she told him the truth. She told him she wanted to get something to eat and that he should get some rest. She would be back soon, but if she didn’t conclude her business with this dragonborn, this man named Jorath, Astarion would grow suspicious and come downstairs and ruin her surprise.

“You don’t, but this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. I swear on Tyr, this isn’t a ruse!” Jorath pleaded.

“If this is so real, then why sell it to me? Why not get it yourself or sell it for a lot more?” Tav asked, pressing the scaled friend.

“I found the location and information by accident in a chest sealed by magic while fishing in the Chiontar, but it claims a very powerful protector guards the treasure. I’m not stupid. I won’t die trying to get that damn thing, and I wont have someone track me down for revenge cause their brother’s cousin’s nephew was killed looking either. I’d rather sell it for a moderate price and not die, than try to get rich and not live to spend it either.“ Jorath explained between sipping his coffee.

Tav kept picking around her food but refused to eat most of it. Maybe it was the late night she had but she wasn’t feeling that great that morning. Tav sighed and shook her head when she heard the door to the companion room open upstairs, and she knew she had to quickly make a decision.

“Fuck…Fine! Here is the gold. Write down everything. I mean it, all the information, and you better not have sold this to anyone before us or I will hunt you down after we get back. Got it?” Tav threatened, and grabbed the paper the dragonborn held out to her before shoving it in her armor as she scooted off the chair and retreated up the stairs. Tav didn’t make it far before having to find the privy to dry heave her empty stomach.

After a bit of time, Tav resigned that after they get the artifact she was searching for, she would ask Halsin or Shadowheart to look at her because she was afraid she was getting an illness. In the meantime, Tav stood up and sat on the toilet fully clothed to read the paper Jorath had passed her. It stated that it was not far from them, located in Rivington, but it didn’t say what the threat was that protected the item was. It just said the protector was powerful. That at least meant that there was a good chance the item was still there.

There was a light knock on the door that startled the woman from her thoughts.

“Darling, you okay in there? You’ve been gone from bed for a while.” Tav smiled softly, she almost forgot the bathrooms were public and so hearing her lover’s voice almost made her jump in her skin when he came looking for her.  Tav shoved the note back in the armor and walked out of the stall to greet the man. Astarion wanted to kiss her, but she stopped him.

“I may not have thrown up, but I feel like it, Star.” Tav used the nickname only she can use with him.

 “The food here sucks. I’ll pick something up when we’re on the way out today.” Tav quickly made up an excuse. In reality, she wasn’t sure what was causing the feeling, but she pushed it aside. Right now, she had more pressing concerns.

She wanted to help Astarion permanently stay in the sun’s gentle light rather than run from the harsh rays that would burn him, should they not figure out how to help him before concluding the tadpole business. Astarion, of course, still would comment about the ascension and sacrificing his siblings to gain power and the ability to walk in the sun, but Tav still hoped it wouldn’t come to this. She knew he was better than that. She knew he didn’t need to kill others to get his wishes, and sought to look for answers in advance to prove just that. Tav hoped that if she found this legendary Sunwalker’s Ring, that she could spare her lover from having to make a choice he may regret…

“You sure you’re okay? This happened yesterday too.” Astarion asked while concerned. Tav began walking back to their rooms with Astarion close by.

“I believe so. I haven’t been taking care of myself, to be honest. If it helps, I’ll have Halsin or Shadowheart look me over when we get back.” Tav reached for the handle, but before she could turn it, a cool hand overlayed hers.

“Why wait, darling? What is so important about today’s mission?” Astarion asked curiously. Tav smiled and kissed Astarion’s cheek. “It’s a secret. But after this, we go after Cazador…Promise.” Tav said against his skin as she backed up against the door and opened it to the group room they shared with the others.

“To be honest, we would have gone after him right away if it wasn’t for Orin infiltrating the camp and kidnapping Lae’zel. Now that Orin is gone…” Tav said.

“...And I have her wonderful daggers…” Astarion smirked.

“We just have one stop and then we can go after that fucker. Trust me…Please?” Tav asked as she clasped her hand around his and threaded her fingers through his. Astarion quirked the corner of his mouth up in a small smile.

“My dear, you know I trust you.” Astarion whispered his response as they made their way inside since Astarion did not want to air his feelings. Only one woman would know his heart and how he felt and it wasn’t a show. Tav smiled at him and let go of his hand.

“Good. Make sure you're ready to go in twenty. I’ll be right back.”

“So I’m on the team, hmm?” Astarion teased before she had a chance to scamper away.

“Of course! When are you not on the team?” Tav giggled and Astarion couldn’t help himself from taking her lips. Her laughter died as Astarion pressed his lush and supple lips to hers. As much as he wished to deepen the kiss, he was keenly aware of their surroundings, especially when Karlach yelled out in support of the couple. Astarion pulled back slowly as he didn’t wish for Tav to think he regretted any form of intimacy they took and shook his head while Tav nervously rubbed the back of her neck.

“I’ll, uh…Be back.” Tav stammered and went off to Karlach. Astarion chuckled at how easily he could fluster her when he noticed Tav showing a piece of paper to Karlach, although from their distance, he couldn’t make out what it said or the significance. Astarion shrugged and figured it must have been the map or something of that nature. If it was important, Astarion figured she would have shared it with him.

In the end, Astarion waited an hour while Tav made her rounds and selected Shadowheart and Karlach to accompany them to wherever they were going. Of course, Astarion wasn’t surprised that Karlach was chosen considering Karlach was Tav’s best friend, more or less, but Astarion was surprised by Shadowheart. The woman misses most targets on a good day, so the only reason to bring her would be for healing, which meant that Tav expected they would get hurt, which meant wherever they were going, it was not going to be easy.

As the four of them made their way to Rivington, Astarion had to ask.

“Alright, darling, you’ve proven your point on being mysterious. Now, why are we over here? At the very least, you have to tell us something about all this….” Astarion asked as he was at Tav’s side, Shadowheart and Karlach behind him.

Tav stopped walking and shuffled off to the side so she wouldn’t be in anyone’s way. Tav looked at Karlach and gave a knowing look, a look that Astarion caught and noticed immediately.

‘She told Karlach where we are going….maybe even what this secret is.’ Astarion thought to himself and couldn’t help feeling a little dejected. She felt comfortable speaking to Karlach, but not him? Astarion tried not to read too much into it. Maybe there was a reason. Astarion waited and listened as Tav turned and spoke to the group.

“I’m here to get something, and it isn’t far. It will help us, but I can’t tell you what yet. All I know is there is supposed to be some kind of protector, but I am hoping we can get around that somehow. Unfortunately, I don’t know what this protector is, otherwise, I’d have a better plan on the ‘getting around’ part.” Tav purposely didn’t look at Astarion right away, but when she did, he had a rather unhappy expression. To be fair, both him and Shadowheart did.

“Let me see if I understand this. You want us to go somewhere to get something that you won’t tell us about yet. This will be protected by most likely some powerful enemy, because let’s face it…And no offense…”Astarion turned to Shadowheart at this point. “You wouldn’t be here if there wasn’t a plan for us to need healing. Not that you aren’t capable of offense, but we all know you are chosen for healing…” Astarion then looked Tav dead in the eye. “so we are going into a scenario were we will all get screwed, and for what, my dear? Hmm?”

“Gods below, I’m agreeing with the vampire…” Shadowheart muttered while pinching the bridge of her nose.

“Also, love, don’t think I’m not privy to the looks between you and Karlach. She knows everything, I assume, yet she still is with us, so either whatever it is will help us or is incredibly romantic.“ Astarion said sarcastically at the end.

Karlach laughed at this and replied loudly.

“Considering it’s for you, you think…”

“Shut up!” Tav hissed, and Karlach closed her mouth immediately. This was not what Astarion expected, but from the sigh behind him, Shadowheart must have had an idea it was something along these lines.

“Can we go?” Tav asked and walked off at a brisk pace into the woods. Astarion followed but his mind was elsewhere. Part of him wanted to smirk and give a witty retort like he usually did after being handed such information. Another part of him knew this was a potentially dangerous mission, especially after Tav showed him she wasn’t feeling the best the past couple days, yet she pushed herself for some item. Even if he tried to shut this down, refuse to go or stop her in some way. He knew he couldn’t. She would be stubborn and just go on anyways.

Astarion growled before replying. “I don’t like it. I just want that clear. I’d much rather we all be safe and back at the Elfsong instead of walking to a potentially painful way to die…”

Tav gave him a sad smile. “It will make sense later. I’m not afraid something will happen. Not with you watching my back.”

Astarion cursed himself and wished he could stay angry at her, but he knew he couldn’t. He cared deeply for her and he could be upset but never truly angry at her. Astarion reached his hand out but didn’t look towards her. He didn’t have to of course when he felt her hand wrap around his tightly and saw her shoulders relax in his peripheral vision. He could practically feel Karlach bursting at the seams in retaliation to the public display of affection, but it really didn’t bother him as much as he made them think it did. Soon, Astarion’s thoughts were interrupted as he tumbled down an embankment thanks to Tav yanking him down with her. Apparently she went down first, and thanks to them holding each other’s hands, Astarion’s perception meant nothing.

Astarion put his arms out and wrapped himself around his lover to break her fall. Thankfully, after rolling down the wet grassy terrain, Astarion felt his backside collide with the cement ground where they seemed to have stumbled onto the entrance of whatever they were looking for. Astarion let go of Tav and stood up, rubbing his sore left butt cheek as he held out his hand to help his lover to their feet.

“Are you okay?” Astarion glanced at what he could see of her body, and everything seemed okay. Tav nodded, but before she could speak, Karlach called from above.  

“We’ll be down in a moment. There are stairs on the other side. May take a few more minutes but I’m liable to break something if I follow you two down there. Hang tight, lovebirds!”

Tav scoffed and shook her head as she waited for the footsteps to recede before she spoke to Astarion.

“We don’t have much time, considering I am the reason you got hurt.” Tav stepped forward and placed a hand over Astarion’s as it rested on his backside, now forgotten. “I…Well…” Tav looked away with blush overtaking her features.

“Now love, you’ve never been coy before, and you’re right, we don’t have much time before we have a peanut gallery. What is it you want to say?” Astarion said with a smirk. He was entertained by this and was curious where Tav was leading her earlier comment. Tav took a stabilizing breath and hooked her thumbs in his belt. She dared not touch his hips or skin after the confession at Moonrise. This earned a questioningly raised eyebrow.

“I want to see your injury. If you’ll let me…You don’t have to, of course. I’m just worried, and you hit the ground hard when you held me to shield me from getting hurt.”

Astarion chuckled “You want to see my bruised ass? I mean, I won’t say no, but I didn’t suspect that’s how you get your rocks off…” Astarion cupped her cheek and kissed her lightly before using his dexterity to loosen his trousers.

“You know what I mean. I worry about you.” Tav admitted and felt relieved when Astarion gave her a toothy grin which showed off his fangs.

“I know, my dear. I think it’s cute. A bit embarrassing, I suppose, but cute.” Astarion dropped part of the back of his trousers so she could see the blossoming bruise. It was a mix of purples and yellows. Astarion pulled his trousers up and made himself presentable while he spoke. “So, darling, now that you found an excuse to look at my ass, how bad is the damage?“ Astarion was laughing to himself as he turned around and slipped his arms around her waist.

“Looks painful, to be honest.” Tav whispered as Astarion began kissing her jaw line and the tip of her nose.

“I guess tonight, when we have a moment alone, maybe we can see where the night takes us. Maybe we can find a way to heal it.” Astarion muttered jokingly when he finally took her lips.

“Don’t push yourself, Star. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. We don’t have to do anything.” Tav whispered, her hand on Astarion’s cheek.

Astarion reached around, Tav’s ass cheeks in hand, and ground his hard-on into her soft belly. “Does it feel like I don’t want you, my love? We just…you know. Doesn’t mean all intimacy is off the table. We’ve been going slowly as it is. Even if all we end up doing tonight is cuddling and kissing, I’ll be happy.” Astarion leaned down, and this time he slipped his tongue in while Tav was surprised. Tav pressed into this kiss and moaned low and deep. Thankfully, Astarion was once again aware of his surroundings as he kissed her again and pulled away. Confused, Tav watched as Astarion adjusted his hard cock in his pants before he gave some space between them, just as Karlach burst through the door with a panting Shadowheart close on her tail.

“Are…you both okay?” Tav asked, giggling.

“This woman is insane! She thought she had to go up the stairs to go down the stairs! Next time, I’m rolling down the grass with you both.” Shadowheart exasperatedly exclaimed while Astarion barked out in laughter.

“In my defense, no one hands barbarians maps for a reason!” Karlach tried to explain, and although she seemed to be pouting, she wore a smile on her face the entire time.

“Okay, okay, guys. Let’s go. The faster we find this, the faster we get back to the Elfsong and I can get a nice long bath.” Tav had no sooner let the words leave her mouth did she have Astarion’s tadpole in her head speaking to her wordlessly, a private conversation still playing out between the couple.

“We can rent the room next door to ours for our use. There is a private bath in there, my dear. We both could use a nice soak. Maybe together? We haven't been bare to each other completely since the Last Light Inn. What do you think?”

Tav was going to respond when a hand flew out and yanked her back. Tav was going to say something as she was upset she was jostled around so easily, but then she realized whose arms held her against their body so tightly. Astarion held her in a death grip as where her foot would have landed was a trap tied to a spring loaded arrow. She would have gotten hurt, if not worse, were it not for the elf…

“Are you okay?” Astarion asked as he finally put her down gently on her feet. Tav just nodded, not trusting her voice. Thinking she should still speak to him, she opened up to speak to him via the tadpole.

“Thank you for saving me, and about what you suggested earlier? I’d love to get a private room with you. Then we can cuddle every night.” Tav watched as Astarion smiled, and although no words technically passed their physical lips, enough was said to know. Astarion kissed her forehead before disarming the trap and taking point. He wasn’t sure what this item was but it was obvious that whatever it was, others were after it too if there was a need to set up traps.  

The group made it from room to room before they found a large room that seemed mostly empty except for a throne far on the other side of the chamber. The ground was mostly cement and carpet with a couple chests and treasure-like items behind the throne. Tav had a bad feeling about this room…

“Wait.” Tav said to the rest. “before we go on, you guys should know why we are here.” Tav looked to the side and looked at her lover when she spoke next. “As I was eating, I was given a tip…well…haggled one, from a very loud bard. This tip was found in a sealed chest in the Chionthar so no one knew of it yet, but long story short, Karlach was right and we are here for you, honey. The Sunwalker’s ring is supposedly here, but I was warned it is being protected. However, I don’t know by what. I figured, since this tip was just rediscovered, I should act on it as soon as possible. I didn’t want it to be found by someone else in case we need it. In case we resolve this tadpole business and you’re stuck in the shadows. I know you and me have spoken about…an alternative, and we have conflicting opinions on it, but I love you too much to see this ring fall through our fingers.” Tav had barely finished her explanation when she felt soft lips press against her own. Tav wanted to close her eyes and just enjoy her lover, but everything in her body was telling her they were in danger. Astarion must have known it too as he pulled away.

“We’re getting this ring, and then I’m ravishing you as soon as we get back and we get some fucking privacy.” Astarion told Tav via the tadpole, licking his lips for added effect, and to make Tav squirm with the thought of just what he meant, exactly. Sex had been off the table for some time, in fact, they haven't slept with each other since about ten weeks ago. Since then, they have had intimacy, just not the expected kind. It started out with them sharing a tent and taking time to ask little questions about each other (favorite food, color, animal, etc.) with a bottle of wine, or just laying in their tent and reading while lounging on each other. Every night in the privacy of their tent, they would cuddle and hold or touch each other. When she had needs, Tav found she would try to sneak off until the shadow curse made things more difficult and dangerous. That was when she found out that Astarion knew she was sneaking away to handle her desires and would rather they explore them together. At first, he would kiss and eventually fondle her chest as she masturbated. Then he would start to ever so slowly become included more until they reached the point they are now. The rules were pretty simple now between them, she couldn’t interact or touch anything below the belt, but otherwise the rest was fine. Now, Astarion’s new favorite had been tasting her. Tav still would ask and offer to reciprocate and she would remind him that she would love doing that as well, but so far, he had yet to give her the honor. Of course, she was also more equally adamant that they didn’t have to do anything at all. He didn’t have to push himself to do anything. Astarion was starting to find his way with his body and be present during these acts, however, as long as it was her, he was having a lot of fun enjoying himself in the discovery. When they found the Elfsong, it was wonderful. They had beds and warm baths for the first time in a long time, however they lost the privacy and no longer could they sleep in the same place together. As a result, Astarion’s nightmares and terrors returned. Once in a while, Tav would slip into Astarion’s bed in the middle of the night when he had a rough night. When nightmares refused to leave him. Tav would never let Astarion deal with the nightmares alone, regardless of sleeping arrangements. The beds were just too small to comfortably sleep together every night. None of the friends said anything, they all understood, but Astarion hated it. He hated the pity and the looks. Hells, once in a while he would wake to find Clive, Karlach’s stuffed bear in his arms as he suspected the barbarian placed him there to help him. Whether or not that was because of his lover, he couldn’t say. The need for privacy was a two-found one. He had a desperate need for his lover and the feeling of having her close by again provided him with a sense of comfort and safety he no longer took for granted. Astarion said nothing to Tav but he longed to make love to her. He cursed that he still could not, but he also knew that he was the only one trying to rush things and that she loved him. She would wait for however long that would take. Astarion just wished he didn’t feel so touch starved in the mean time. He knew she felt the same way, but it wasn’t until recently the private room opened up.

“Ah…it’s about time we had guests.”

Note - This will be updated every week and is sweet for a bit before the Cazador content shows up.

[myworld-collapsing]

finally dropping this for zero, and his redesign ! there are, truthfully, some more characters to be listed but i have either forgotten them or am having an extremely hard time articulating my thoughts, so ill just offer these for now . .

sirius belongs to @junebluues ! ( i hope this helps with things : D ! ill release a interaction between him and sirius soon . . )

explanations from left to right & from up to down !

——————————————————————————————————

till - alien stage : yeagh, it’s generally the yearning and the feelings . though for different reasons and in different ways .

like june said and suggested, sirius makes zero feel like something . they make him want to be something . he in his own way, yearns to be seen and understood by sirius . ( maybe even loved . but that is a far, faraway dream he detaches himself from . )

he doesn’t really act on these feelings, though . ( in fact, it’d probably even seem hes avoiding them at times ) he doesn’t need sirius to show interest or even like him in return, he just needs them to be their truest self always, and be genuinely happy in those and their circumstances, for him .

——————————————————————————————————

sua - alien stage :

from their shared original lack of life and dehumanization, and how they are both eventually brightened by another .

——————————————————————————————————

sunny - omori :

more on a surface level . they both share the shyness and quietness, but also the lacks in self - esteem and worth, as well as zero also being frustrated easily . he’s good in about all fields, but truly doesn’t have any fondness towards any of his “ talents “ . instead, he resents them all . there’s a reason for this, but since it’s pretty simple, ill probably discuss it further later, but i wont put it on here .

——————————————————————————————————

sakura nanamine - toilet - bound hanako kun / tbhk :

also more on a surface level ! they’re both pretty aloof and don’t express their emotions very often .

——————————————————————————————————

nina - artiswitch :

they’re the most similar, in my opinion . both empty and hollow as people, with their shared lack of feelings of belonging to, well, anywhere . they also both have a person who starts them on a path of change . when zero finally starts to try to be something, to help himself, he also starts to try to help others . well, kinda . he’s just a bit more open to others, id say . . it’s not very easy to articulate my exact feelings about these 2 but please just trust me guys 😭

——————————————————————————————————

me :

i would be lying if i said i didn’t insert some of my own self into zero . . though it’s up to all of you to guess how much .

——————————————————————————————————

extra notes ! : ( TW : i dont know how to do these properly . . but there is a purging mention . )

he has clinical depression . he doesn’t take antidepressants . - ( but, he does have many other assortments of prescriptions by his guardian, keirii . he keeps all of these in a specific drawer particularly to keep his roommate ( who anyone is free to ask to be ! ) from reaching them and possibly overdosing . )

although i didn’t include it in his profile, one of his least favorite things is eating . he has a quite sensitive stomach, and often feels sick after eating . he purges because of this . - ( he was once confined to anakt’s clinic for a month because of more severe incident of this tendency . )

he had a lobotomy - like operation done on him when he was young, by keirii of course, ( she prefers non - emotional organisms ) and barely survived it . - ( he can of course still feel emotions from how he feels towards sirius ( ill actually expand on these later, but for now, zero can’t put an exact label on them . ), but they’ve been hardwired to just be not as strong . )

his guardian, keirii, generally specializes in the study of the max of the physical and mental endurances of individual organisms, and death processes when the limit is finally crossed . - ( she often conducts her studies and experiments on humans, wagyeins, and sometimes when she is permitted to, the corpses of segyein . they’re often of a wide range of diversity in each individual species . because of her high profile in the industry, and known rare race in birth, she often has rare types of test subjects present . )

zero was luckily, spared these treatments .

but, keirii did occasionally let him overview some of her ongoing projects, and files or recordings of these as well . because of this, zero does have a general understanding and ability in the field .

he might have had a forced transition . i have a feeling keirii would much prefer a son over a daughter . .

like dante, ( @rockwgooglyeyes ) in a way, zero doesn’t appear that often . he doesn’t do this on purpose though . - ( also to note, he actually doesn’t have anything against dante . he’s aware, that, although he’d like it, he doesn’t deserve and isn’t entitled to nothing and or anything from sirius . dante seems to make sirius truly happy, and zero is grateful to dante for that . )

he’s allergic to eggs, so he can’t really eat much either way . though im sure he gets specially tailored meals ( that he doesn’t eat 90 % of the time ) payed for by keirii .

there is an issue with his collar ( or him ) that makes it so, whenever he has one on, it never displays any emotion indicating color onto the light, remaining a nuetral gray that’s only present when collars aren’t being worn . he often gets his collars changed weekly or monthly for this, even though there’s no difference .

he straight up doesn’t have a name and was never given one . . he’s just labeled by the only number in his id 😭

——————————————————————————————————

anyways, if anyone would like to be friends or uhm partners with my sopping wet sad alley cat of a boy, don’t be afraid to ask ! here or in my asks or discord, either ways are fine : D !

i think there could possibly be an opening for a friend in his incident ? he did collapse right after in the bathroom, and im sure someone would have had to found him and brought him to the clinic .

another concept would be whoever helps him during his recovery . although they wouldn’t be there all the time, im sure they’d take daily visits to give him his classwork, and also to get him his lunch and medicine and make sure he consumes both without promptly throwing it all up, among other things . if no one steps up to it though, im sure a segyein would be able to do it .

ill probably be updating his profile soon, but,

im changing it back, his voice claim is chogakusei’s vocals in this cover,

and id also say this instrumental kind of matches his overall vibe !

[bryverros]

YAP MY LIEGE WHAT ARE THE HAPPENINGS IN THY KINGDOM

im going to be real immature on main so turn a blind eye guys

so. my beloved firefighter show. first, a brief introduction to the massive fandom drama. we have buck, eddie and tommy. buck and eddie are best friends since season 2 episode 1 (we are on season 8), tommy becomes an important(?) character in season 7.

- buck and tommy are canonically in a relationship. i want them broken up asap. its not even personal. i just dont think they work, even all the buckandeddie theories aside. and if they do break up, i will call it a win and clap my hands jollily. their fanbase is honestly making me feel stupid because theyre acting like bucktommy is this soulmates endgame couple and i tried seeing it. but i just dont.

exhibit 1. eddie appears in practically every single bucktommy scene. and when he didnt appear directly, he sure as hell was mentioned. a lot. which??? weird??? considering the fact that bucktommy are supposed to be in a relationship and very in love. like maybe i dont know shit about dating but im pretty sure that its objectively weird to include the best friend in all scenes the couple has. so far, in s8, buck and tommy had one (1) scene. and it had eddie in it.

then there’s the whole weird thing on how buck and tommy got together in the first place and one might argue that buck was trying to get eddie’s attention, not tommy’s. so like yeah eddie sure is haunting their narrative a lot and for seemingly no reason which kind of stops me from feeling attached to the ship. which i tried initially before i started praying on their breakup.

- in the scenes buck and tommy (+eddie. cant forget that he was there) did have. sigh. their dynamics is just weird. first of all, tommy is older than buck. like, he was in the flashbacks of the older coworkers (he was kind of racist and kind of homophobic and misogynistic in those too, but ok ill let that pass, people change blah blah). and he called buck kid before they got together. which. sigh. im generally against age gaps i dont fw that stuff and theyre not letting me forget that they do have an age gap. but fine, ill put the age gap aside. theyre both adults so yk. surely it wont be THAT bad. alas. it is. moving to the next exhibit

exhibit 2. the bachelor party. so buck is really excited to organise this themed party for their his brother in law (a dude tommy was kind of racist towards in the flashback btw). the theme is. 80s. buck and eddie do matching costumes (suggested by eddie. very enthusiastically)! matching each others freak! yay! what does tommy do. he arrives in a henley. and as a person who kind of relates to buck in a way that i get excited about things. tommy’s low effort uninterestingness wouldve kind of been hurtful to me? like the way he casually kind of discarded that excitement buck had about this party was giving “im not interested in your interests babe 🫶” and from personal experience! not nice! and buck already had like a shit ton of self esteem issues and like yeah im projecting but please please break up w tommy you deserve better buck please

- name. so evan buckley has been going by buck. everyone calls him buck except his parents (bad. he doesnt like that) and his sister. sometimes. tommy calls him evan all the fucking time. which feels. condescending. i do not like it in the slightest. break up bucktommy. for me. please.

now! onto the clowning part.

ok look. buck and eddie. theyre so special. their friendship is so special. and if they go canon. that would be absolutely historical. like a queer non established from the beginning romance? that has 6+ years of shared history? they were friends before they were lovers and they could be THE friends to lovers in my eyes. and look if they dont go romantic, i really wont be that sad? their friendship kind of remains regardless so like while i do think it would be bold and take some good writing to have them go down the romantic line. i also do really cherish their friendship. but i am strongly gaslit that they will go romantic. to the point where i fear that im clowning about it.

- the actor playing buck recently said that he wants some slowburn for buck. some will they wont they kind of relationship. that the audience will have to yearn for. like my man your character is in a relationship and that relationship came together in, let me check… 2 episodes? slowburn? bucktommy? i have a VERY hard time believing that. there were a whole bunch of other quotes that could be interpreted as bucktommy breakup (yay 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶). like you dont see any other member of the cast speaking about their love interest the same way this man does about tommy.

- the episodes 5 and 6 are centred on buck and eddie respectively. episode 5 will have tommy “weirded out by something about buck” (surprise surprise). episode 6 is called confessions. eddie has a lot of potential queer coding (eddie: “i just hate having to date. it feels like i have to perform”; someone else about eddies relationship: “just make sure youre following your heart. not christopher’s [his son]” ahh stuff). and episode 6 is centred on him. it also is coming out on nov 7th, 2 days after the infamous destiel election day. so having eddies coming out in that episode would be the funniest thing ever. and the marketing for these episodes is driving me insane. like. will they. wont they. will they. wont they. i feel like im clowning so hard but i also feel like i cant be wrong about this stuff yk? too many coincidences?

so yeah. episode 5 is coming out today. wish me luck (bucktommy breakup ⁉️)

[akaakeis]

HEY HEY HEEEEYYYYYYY bokuto moment

HI SAV<33

first of all shut up and pretend I didn't see ur sideblog posts THE THING IS I LOVE LOVE LOVE SENDING ASKS BUT LIKE I DIDN'T KNOW IF ITD BE FREAKY TO SEND RANDOM ASS ASKS TO YOU EVEN THO I BLEAT IN UR DMS EVERY OTHER SECOND

N E WAYS HIIII im having lunch rn !! IT RAINED SO BAD SO ITS LIKE 5PM AND IM STILL IN MY UNIFORM AND STUFF i had like.. stuff planned on my schedule and stuff :cccccc

dude the way i do NAWT feel like writing at all but also im dying to get yns pov in the first chapter like PICK A FUCKING SIDE OMFG literally had to pause writing this to think

TODAY I CORRECTED THE ENGLISH TEACHERS GRAMMAR IT WAS SO FUNNY LIKE I WAS WRITING AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS HUGE ASS WHITEBOARD SO I WAS KNEELING ON THE GROUND AND SHE GOES TO CORRECT SOMEONE'S (ALREADY CORRECT) GRAMMAR AND I LOOK UP TO HER LIKE UH NO THAT'S RIGHT ACTUALLY AND SHE DIDN'T EVEN QUESTION IT JUST TOOK IT LIKE A CHAMP??? LIKE GIRL WHEN EVEN U KNOW UR WRONG????

THE SENTENCE WAS monica went to her grandmother's house for summer vacation AND SHE MADE IT WEIRDER SOUNDING "during vacation" LIKE GIRL NO??????????? sorry for ranting god im such a hater

AND LIKE THESE FUCKASS TEACHERS WONT SEE MY TEXTS (i love them) BUT THE EXACT SECOND I PULL UP TO THEM AT SCHOOL IM GETTING MY CHEEKS TUGGED AT LIKE "oh em gee alina u did such a great job we r sooo proud of u" DIE. AND IM SO SCARED CUZ IM NOT STUDYING PROPERLY OR ENOUGH I THINK AND MY SCHEDULE IS SO FREAKY AND WEIRD AND THE !! RAIN !! EW 🤮🤢🤮🤢 not that i hate the rain, it just conveniently happens NOT when im at home ready to go to school, but rather otw to school or otw home so i'm just late everywhere. also MY WATER BOTTLE DISAPPEARED?? AND THERES A GIRL W THIEVING TENDENCIES IN CLASS LIKE IM NOT POINTING FINGERS BUT BUT BUUUUUUUT um. ANWYAYS I SAW A SUBMERGED MOTORCYCLE AND ALSO MY CHEM TEACHER TAKING PICS OF THE FLOOD LIKE WTF HE WANT THEM FOR "look wife im not cheating im actually trapped in school"

dude.. biceps r so..... like... kuroo... IM LOWK A KUROO ENTHUSIAST HE IS SO YUMMY LIKE U JUST KNOW HED LET U BITE IT (my intrusive thoughts r like. if he existed irl. nom nom time) NOT EVEN IN A SEXUAL WAY BTW I JUST NEED A CHOMP

ANYWAYS I FOUND OUT LIKE RN THAT I GOT 77/90 IN PAPER 1 AND 95/110 IN PAPER 2 OF BANGLA AND I ONLY GOT AN A* BECAUSE OF THE THRESHOLD (171) LIKE WHAAAT. (I GOT 172)

ITS 5:18PM RN AND IM GNA TAKE THE FASTEST FUCKING SHOWER OF MY ENTIRE LIKE CUZ MY HAIR GREASY ASF AND ITS SO EW AND THEN ILL DO CHEM NOTES HASHTAG STUDYING TRUST ME ! ! !

ANYWAYS last anyways of the day HRU MY BABY POOKIE PIE DARLING SWEETHEART POPEYES MUFFIN CUPCAKE HONEYPIE POPSICLE POOKIEBRO HOW WAS UR SLEEP HOW WAS UR YESTERDAY HOW IS UR LIFE WHATS GOING ON AND ALSO ALSO ALSO i forget give me a sec um erm ueueue OH I GOT IT I ABSOLUTELY ADORE U FOR READING ALL OF THE THINGS I SEND U LIKE!!!!! SHIRRJSKSKSOKSKS ILY okbye!!

HEY LINA!!

yeah im gonna act like u didnt see that sideblog post bc i SAID i wasnt trying to hint at anyone... AND NO THATS NOT FREAKY?? idk man i send in asks to ness like every day bc i think its fun to talk that way!! paragraph asks are genuinely so fun to receive!! ALSO USING THE WORD BLEAT IS CRAZY YOU R NOT BLEATING IN MY DMS

omg i hope you had a good lunch!! im answering this like an hour later so i assume u already finished? idk its weird that we're 12 hrs apart 😭 AND NOOO THATS AWFUL :(( sorry to hear that love :( hopefully the rain didn't flood any area and you and your fam are all good!!

HELP THATS SUCH A REAL FEELING i was battling with that yesterday so bad omf... i feel like sometimes we can attach somewhat negative connotations w writing bc sometimes it can feel like a chore? so sometimes it's a struggle to get up and decide to write? maybe thats js me but like yeah 😓 BUT GENUINELY SO EXCITED FOR YOUR APOCALYPSE AU!! ITS BEEN AMAZING SO FAR!! AND ANYTHING IVE READ FOR IT MAKES ME WANT TO LET OUT AUDIBLE SOBS ‼️ that sounds negative but i feel like you get why i want to LIKE GOOD GRIEF anyway write whenever you feel like it!! dont force it <3

THERES NO WAY??? PLEASE THATS SO FUNNY TO ME 😭 I LOVE THAT SHE DIDNT EVEN QUESTION IT OMG? YOU PROBABLY SPEAK MUCH MORE FLUENTLY THAN HER ANYWAY LMAOAOAO BUT PROUD OF YOU!!

okay like maybe im stupid but i feel like both of those sentences make sense? like "monica went to her grandmother's house for summer vacation" makes sense but so does "monica went to her grandmother's house during vacation" it's just that it doesn't specify whether it's during summer vacation so it can sound awkward ig?? idk man ive been stuck reading old english for the last couple of days bc of the hobbit (I DESPISE THAT BOOK IT CAN GO DIE) sigh

HELP?? I MEAN IM SO HAPPY YOURE GETTING GOOD GRADES THO!! AS LONG AS YOURE ABLE TO STUDY JUST ENOUGH SO THAT YOURE CONFIDENT IN THE TOPIC THEN I THINK YOURE GOOD HONESTLY 😨 and the rain sounds like its out to get u thats wild??? PLEASE im not pointing my finger at anyone... im just agreeing here... there's a chance 😭 having classmates with tendencies to steal is such a pain in the ass tho i hope you're able to retrieve your water bottle!! AND HELP I LOVE THE WAY YOU DUBBED THAT "im not cheating im actually stuck in school" had me giggling sm

HELLO? BITING KUROO'S BICEP IS INSANE (but lowkey i would too VERY LOWKEY because i feel like im not super attracted to big biceps and stuff idk?? but just a little chomp 😋😋)

WHATATATAT AT LEAST YOU GOT A* THOUGH ‼️ GOOD JOB!!!

AAA ENJOY YOUR SHOWER! I HOPE IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER!! AND YES WE LOVE A RESPONSIBLE STUDIOUS GIRL 😋

AND IM ACTUALLY DOING GOOD MY POOKIE WOOKIE SUGAR PLUM COOKIE BROWNIE PUMPKIN PIE HONEY LOML (i laughed an obscene amount while writing that)!! TODAY IM GONNA BE SUPER BUSY.. I HAVE SPEECH AND DEBATE AFTER MY SCHOOL DAY IS OVER AND THEN I HAVE VOLLEYBALL PRACTICE UNTIL... 7 PM???? I THINK???? GOD. AND I SLEPT SUPER DUPER WELL I WOKE UP RLY COZY IN MY BED AND IM STILL HUDDLED UP IN HERE LMAOAOAO 😭 YESTERDAY WAS GOOD!! I DIDNT HAVE ANYTHING I NEEDED TO DO SO I GOT TO CHILL AT HOME AND LISTEN TO MUSIC AND LITTLE PODCASTS (i listen to the bit my tongue podcast by nailea devora SOOO MUCH) AND AWHAGSHHA LINA!! I ADORE EVERYTHING YOU WRITE AND ANYTHING YOU SEND TO ME!! ILL ALWAYS MAKE TIME TO READ SOMETHING YOU SEND ME!! ILY!! <3

[edelblau]

i dont know if i wanna attach this all to the comms sale but i wanted to talk a little bit and be a bit sad about my life bc this is a good site for that.

i have it better than a lot of people (the disability system here seems much more forgiving than americas, for instance) and i am grateful i can somewhat survive without working at least since its not feasible for me. at the same time though the amount i make is just. really hard to live off of.

itd be easier if i could go to the grocery store, and i was thinking maybe once i get a little better with my rollator i can, but realistically winter is coming and even if my leg strength starts to return, i wont be able to do that. ill have to shoulder those delivery fees and tips and all that for a long time and its just so expensive. and the past while has made me realize how incredibly screwed i am when it comes to big purchases. like i said in the thread i cant even use popular methods of breaking up payments really, if it hits every 2 weeks that just makes me more anxious as theres no guarantee any money will come in at all within that timeframe.

i love art and dont neccessarily see it solely as a vehicle for profit, yet in order to have hobbies in my life i have to be obnoxiously posting links everywhere. ive never closed my commissions save for once in the past 5 or 6 years, but its still far from consistent. i dont resent this neccessarily-- to be able to make anything at all is a gift. but rather its frustrating to be so reliant on it and not be able to just be grateful but to have that gratitude mixed with this constant anxiety. if another thing breaks, can i even replace it?

anyways. i wanted to ramble both for my own peace of mind but also because no matter how many times ive thought to myself that this time for sure ill be able to go a month without asking for help or being desperate, i feel like i keep coming back to it. i feel like ive gotten better about it in some ways but its just completely not noticeable behind the wall that is "back to back expenses". i kind of wish i didnt think to do a fun trip for my bday bc had i known everything would explode around me... idk.

anyways sorry for the long post.

[shiftingwitholive]

Moomin Valley script

(just a heads up, this script is very unstructured.)

my name is Oliver and i’m Snufkin’s person. in the winter we travel south where its warmer, to a place which is basically what i imagine aesthetic Europe to be, where we have a little log cottage in the middle of the forest by a lake.for the rest of the year we’re in moomin valley.i have my black fluffy hair and green eyes and i wear black pants and a dark blue jumper with stars on it like the one in coraline and black boots. i play the violin and guitar and ukulele while snuffkin plays about every instrument under the sun.

moomin mama treats me like a second son,moomin papa lends me books from time to time and i teach moomin about the world and the things i read in books. me and snufkin both accept that we need space and time alone, so we will often go and do separate things or one of us will go to the moomin’s house. we communicate, and we get by without any problems.

under snuffkin’s coat is just a green-brown sweater that’s really really soft and obviously, brown trousers

because we dont have phones or anything my script is just a notebook that no one can find. i can change it through writing or just thinking.

snufkin smells like pine needles and rain and firewood in a nice way. im more of a lavender and oranges boy.

me and snufkin are only like 17-20(aprox. no actual ages) moomin is like 10-11ish (so is snorkmaiden) and the moomin parents are around their late 30s/40s, little my is probably the same age as moomin,maybe a little younger. (none of the ages are pinpointed, i like to think we are all ageless beings but for convenience i thought i would try to think of some rough ones)

heights: snufkin:5’6 me: 5’5 (dont come at me i know i’m short ok) moomin mama: 5,2 moomin papa:5’4 moomin:5’0 little my:4’8 snorkmaiden: 4’11 (i gave them all normal heights instead of little my being like 2 feet tall and snufkin being only 4 feet tall because from my perspective it made more sense)

my hair and everything will always look right and i wont look tired or too pale or icky at any point

scenarios:

one time, we were on a walk along the cliffs together and an unexpected storm came in. it was raining and we were too far from our tent, so we rushed to the moomins’ house. because it was really cold i got a bit ill. we turned up pretty late on their doorstep all wet with me sneezing and shivering. moominmama sat us down and started warming up some soup and told moomin papa to set up 2 beds upstairs. we are given some blankets and soup and moomin mama roots around for some spare clothes. (we left some over just in case) and we get changed and go up to our room, they put up 2 twin beds but we end up pushing them together and falling asleep all tangled together.

moomin mama and moomin papa peek in and are all “oh look at them” “aww” at us. the next day our clothes have dried and we eat breakfast and then moomin comes down and sees we’re here and we have to explain our night to him, then after breakfast we look outside and it’s still too stormy to go home so moomin papa lends me a book and i sit on the couch while snuffkin goes to do something upstairs with moomin.

then around mid-afternoon the sky clears and we go back to our tent and its fine, we lie and cuddle and fall asleep again.

—

when theyre explaining that numbty’s aunt is mean and sarcastic one of them pipes up with “ but oliver says he’s sarcastic, and he’s nice” and the grown ups have to explain the difference between sarcastic humor and being mean and how i can be sarcastic in a way thats a joke, but some people only do it in a mean way. which can hurt peoples feelings.

[critterchitters-closedcaptions]

Hi, this is gona be a long ass post and im on mobile, so hang with me.

first, ill cut right to the chase

Im currently unemployed and need money to exist in this capitalist hellscape.

so, since thats my current predicament, ill be taking commissions!

here are some examples of things ive done and my prices

ill take payment through paypal, though im willing to work with other payment options as well!

The body prices are per-character, the other prices are per-piece (example: a flat colored sketch of two headshots would be 12$, 5 per character head, and 2 for the color), and im able to do lineart or lineless - though i dont have any good examples at the moment with lineart - and the prices will only vary if the design is super complex or hard to do, and theyre able to be changed a bit to work with your budget

I will draw

anything for your blog! (example: the pokemon images above, a header, an icon, etc!)

gore! (dm me if you want to see examples)

full scenes (with backgrounds and all!)

characters from pre-existing media (scp, homestuck, pokemon, etc!)

ocs, adopts, ideas, you name it! human, furry, and any other is alright with me.

plain background scenes with no characters in them are things i can do too!

minor nudity

things i Wont draw

hate speech

sexually explicit scenes (due to a lack of practice)

transphobia/racism/n*zi imagery, general nastiness like that

im also willing to design characters for you, and i can provide prices and examples of designs ive made upon request.

please dm me here or on discord @ [CC&CC]#8992 to contact me about any of this!

thank you for reading this far! ill also be reblogging this to my side accounts to try and get a few more eyes on this.

below is a little bit of info about me so you can decide if you want to Give Me Your Money or not ^^

im a genderqueer and overall queer trans man whose just moved out from my parents home and am living with my best friend of nearly 10 years. ive got a snake, salamander, and two bug colonies, i love pretty much all animals, and am an amateur songwriter/musician! im disabled in multiple ways (but that just makes me cooler 😎) and i deal with some pretty prominent mental issues which make being regular to a job without my health getting in the way pretty difficult. also part of a did system, which is. So Cool and Epic

im looking for a proper job, but its not been going too well for me thusfar, largely because places ive applied have found more fitting people to fill the roles. and thats ok! i just need some way to make money in order to buy groceries and Supplies for My Boys and generally. live, lol! i also want to take some burden off of my roomates shoulders, considering hes been doing wonders to help support me, but im not really able to provide much in return. job places are also a bit hesitant to hire me considering my aforementioned health issues.

anyway, sorry for the rambling and thank you for reading this far! i hope you can consider supporting me, but if not maybe a quick reblog to spread this around would be great! thank you so very much and have a wonderful day!!

[elena-oc-blog]

Hey remember when I drew the hydra brothers back in august and mentioned in the description that i would have their parents out soon too? Yeah sorry, they got stuck in art limbo as i was distracted with other things but now I have the hydra dads for you to see! I actually finished this like 2 days ago and I was going to wait with posting them until i finished the hydra mom piece too but I'm going through another *im tired all the time* period so thats not happening any time soon so here is hydra dad by himself or themselves i should say. I only drew their heads because I have mercy for myself and am not subjecting myself on drawing an anthro hydra with 5 heads. I do have bust sketches of them in my sketchbook but I still need to figure out how to fit their 5 necks and heads on one body properly so maybe thats a thing for the far future Anyway lore on these guys uh, Im a lil tired so let me just copy paste some miscelaneous lore I posted in my discord server and ill try to elaborate when i feel less shitty. I'll put it under a readmore so this post wont clog up your feed.

The Lièrna family gang is made up of Greek monsters: centaurs, satyrs, chimeras, minotaurs, griffins, some undercover hellhounds, etc.

Don't have a proper ref for this gang yet as I still need to fill their ranks

They originally lived in and operated from Athens in Greece but had to leave almost everything behind when the police started to catch on to them. They fled to the carribean island of Isla Dracon and settled in Auron City, soon recovering their wealth and businesses and becoming one the top dog gangs there and close to being in control of the city. That is until Thorn showed up a few years after..

The Lièrna family front is a luxury car business (building, selling, repairing) while their criminal business is car towing with a lot of extortion of the poorer part of the city's population where they basically steal cars and any personal belongings left in them from the poor population because they can't pay the fees. They then proceed to either resell these cars in one of their used car dealerships or destroy the cars to use for parts and scrap metal. They also loan out money under preditory rates and own some real estate that they rent out for high prices with bad service. So really their whole business is exploiting people, especially those less fortunate. They revel in this, thinking the poor deserve it for not working hard enough.

As for their relationship with Thorn, they hate Thorn but they act like good friends of his whenever they meet with him or are talking about him with people they don't know/people who like him. They don't want to stir trouble until they have a solid plan on how to overthrown him. Thorn as of now has no idea the hydras hate his guts and are plotting against him in secret together with Morrison and whatever other allies they gain.

Im not sure how old they are. I need to figure out my timeline better for that first. And maybe change how dragons age compared to other species idk But I would say they are between their late 40s and mid 50s

Also pecking order of the brothers from top to bottom is: Don, Alekos, Roland and Boris and at the very bottom is Kashew. Kashew is mute and also rather friendly which makes his brothers and especially Don regard him as a useless nobody. Kashew gets a lot of verbal abuse and sometimes also physical abuse from his brothers :( The only reason they don't physically abuse him as much as they mentally abuse him is because having a beaten up head would be bad for their business and image with the civilians of the city. They also cant get rid of him as that would comprimise their health and ability to fuse back together. Hydras can split up into individual smaller and less powerful dragons but unless all individuals are present, they can't fuse back together. And eventhough hydras in their fused natural state can regenerate their heads effortlessly and have an increased durability for injuries, in their seperate state they will die if decapitated and are also much more defenseless in general. While a fused hydra could take a vicious stabbing/beating and live, a split hydra individual is much more fragile and will easily bleed out and if they die, their siblings are doomed as well. Thus hydras tend to only split up when in the comfort of their home or when they take on a human disguise. It can also occur when there is an extreme disagreement between siblings and one or multiple forcibly split off through sheer willpower, causing them to fall apart into seperate entities. This is not preferable though. Anyway i think thats all the lore i have at the moment, i hope you enjoy the boys. Feel free to ask questions about them

[bonesandthebees]

I got a little too excited when reading rose and

so it took me a while to work thru the chapter since I write my comments as I read and I decided not to repeat everything started in the thats important to learn about the characters bc that would be almost the whole chapter so i saved it for my analysis here, but I kept getting lost in a cycle of too many thoughts and not much reading about the characters and everything going on oops

time to gather the base info we have (im telling myself analysing this is practising for my literature classes so im technically doing stuff for school when in fact im procrastinating stuff for school, ill do it after this I promise I just need to get this out of my head)

wilbur:

- studying to be the next consil and phil is giving him some lesson, but it seems hes only now going to get fully introduced to all the inner workings

- the ferronnière: hes basically constantly aware of it, both physically (keeps checking he has it) and mentally (aware of his position and controlling his actions, the metaphor of ferronnière pressing on his head as the pressure being put on him) which isnt really healthy but theres not really another option

also he keeps making sure the ferronnière is visible whenever he needs to be respected and we saw a guard doubt him before they saw the ferronnière so its not just a feeling but the ferronnière actually gives him respect and wilbur himself doesnt really have any

- his relationship with phil is as can be expected, phil is not a bad dad, he needs to prepare wilbur to survive in court, but he might be a bit too focused on that + his duties as consil and that results in very strict and bit distant parenting

from his fear of phil not telling him about the announcement and the flinch when called his full name you can see that wilbur is very afraid of disappointing phil, bc in the past that probably meant something like shouting and he was probably called wilum at those times

but its not that phil doesnt care, hes making sure wilbur will be able to be a good consil and I believe it when he says hes taking care of their family (which is just sandduo, or maybe techno too?) and so far he looks satisfied with wilbur, proud even (me when phil is proud of wilbur in any universe bdhdhdjjfjen)

- hes really close friends with niki, since childhood, and there is deep trust between them, with wilbur letting niki even touch his ferronnière, something very personal and important, sharing fidgeting with their rings....

they plan to hopefully rule together (which is not at all unrealistic in their situation) but it wont be able to work the way it has so far, the way they imagine it, already with the strain of wils promise to phil and more will surely com, niki will learn about wilbur not telling her everything eventually and idk how shell take it

im not saying their friendship couldnt work im just afraid it wont survive bc theyll keep trying to hold it up to their childhood standards which isnt possible in this situation and I predict a falling out maybe becoming enemies even

- we dont see much of his relationship with quackity and the tension of niki vs q with wilbur on nikis side is ever present, but theyre still friends

when quackity arrived at the palace they were all still kids and while they did know about the competition going on but they probably had some classes together and I assume wilbur and niki were there only other kids in an adequate position to play with so theres nothing weird about the friendship

also I wouldnt be surprised if phil encouraged it, it was him who told wil to keep his chances open on all fronts

they also both have mutual respect

theres also this undertone to their conversation that is just so tntduo of them

1/2

wilbur's ferronnière plays a rather symbolic role in the story. it's important to wilbur because it's his status symbol. it's the thing that, in his mind, gives him power. that's why he's constantly aware of it. that's why he's constantly adjusting it. it's representative of his position as the son of the consil and everything that comes with it

phil definitely isn't a bad dad in this, but he's not a great one either. he and wilbur have such a complex relationship I'm so excited to really dig into it. phil deeply cares about wilbur and wants the best for him, but wilbur is terrified of disappointing his father. phil sometimes sets his expectations too high, and wilbur scrambles to try and reach goalposts set out too far. but phil is still proud of his son, and just wants to see him thrive.

niki and wilbur's friendship certainly goes through a lot in this story... I'll say that

oh yeah phil 100% encouraged wilbur's friendship with quackity. they have a very... unique relationship i'll say. they're also childhood friends like he and niki are, but they're not as close in some ways and, in a sense, they're closer in other ways. you'll see what i mean later lmao

[babithyn]

November 16th, 2023

tw~ ed

Hey guys, good news! I lost 6lbs within the past 3 days :) i mean its not much compared to what my goal is but im happy im below 230lbs.

I mean my highest weight was 259lbs and that was right before i gave birth to my babygirl :)

Granted, i haven’t been very disciplined so i’m kind of confused as to how i lost 6lbs. Maybe its water weight from all the swelling. I mean my feet we’re probably 4x their normal size. I couldnt even fit into my slides which were size nines and i where a seven. But i can fit in them again!

Also my bf’s hoodie use to be snug around my waist and now its loose so my stomach has gone down a little bit.

We went grocery shopping and i was doing my best to get healthy food and low c@l food. Bit i had to remind myself that i cant eat to little of food otherwise i wont have the nutrients in my body to nurse my daughter.

Another thing i have to remind myself is that the breast milk my body is making weighs about 10-15lbs. But because i’m nursing i should be loosing 1-2lbs a month. Cuz nursing burns calories surprisingly enough.

My goal is to loose another 5lbs by the end of the month. Although thanksgiving is around the corner so thats a little scary. But i might not be going to my moms for it meaning i might not celebrate it in general.

My mom had changed plans on me and is now going to her friends for thanksgiving. See that wouldnt be a problem if i didnt have a newborn and i knew her friend. But considering i dont know her friend i’m not comfortable taking my daughter or myself to some random strangers house. I don’t like meeting new people in general and you can times that by 20 now that i have a kid.

But in other good news. :) my bf and i were approved to rent a house! we get to move in on the first. Meaning we gotta start packing now. But i get to have my pupper with me!

i spent $100 to get him esa certified. So that i dont have to pay a pet fee and they cant refuse us housing or kick us out because we have a dog. So things are looking up for us!

The house is in a nice neighborhood and it has 3beds and 2 and a half af baths. Its two stories with a backyard and a garage! We got a brand new sofa and loveseat set!

The only downside to the house is that we’re going to be paying $2k a month not including utilities. And i probably wont be able to go back to work till about february maybe march. and i’ll probably only be doing part time for the first couple month’s i go back. On top of that ill have to pay for a babysitter.

Im thinking it might be more financially beneficial to just be a stay at home mom until she’s about 8-11months that way she’ll have started saying small words and hopefully have taken her first steps. then i can take her to a daycare and i can go to work full time.

but other than that we also need to get some more furniture and appliances. we need a washer and dryer, a new bed since we have a queen and our daughter loves sleeping with us. We also need a dining room table, dishes, cook wear, dressers nightstands. granted i have two dressers at my moms. its just that they’re heavy as all hell.

But on the plus side my mom and her bf are willing to help us and my bestfriend is coming to visit and said she would help us. And i’m sure my bf’s friends wouldnt mind helping its just a matter of him asking. I mean him and his friends are cops and if you know anything about first responders its that they have a huge sense of camaraderie.

Its kind of funny im dating a cop. I’ve never been a huge fan of them but it’s mostly the system that im not a fan of. it lets the bad ones get away with horrible shit.

But thats off topic. actually the bottom half of this entire post is off topic.

Anyways if you’ve read this far thank you :) Stay safe and much love thank you for coming to my ted talk:)

[transcomputer]

HEY HI WALLY UM SORRY TO SCREAM INTO THE VOID OF YOUR INBOX BUT I WATCHED 8 EPS OF FIONNA AND CAKE AND I SAW THAT YOU DIDNT LIKE EP 9 AND 10 WHICH MAKES ME CONCERNED CUZ I REALLY LIKE THIS SO FAR EVEN IF IM A PRETTY CASUAL AT FAN. IDK WHAT I MEAN BY SENDING YOU THIS JUST THAT. MAYBE I WONT BE AS DISAPPOINTED IDK?? ok ill stop screaming now i hope youre having a good day/night :"3

HIII SU YAYY IM GLAD YOU LIKE FIONNA AND CAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! o(^▽^)o despite my beef with the last 2 eps i really really do like f&c as a whole ... it feels like such a natural and intriguing progression for adventure time's story while also being creative enough to have its own identity. when i was watching it i was blown away with how much it exceeded my expectations!!! i wanna see where they take the 2 stories and im excited to see where the team decides take this universe (˘◡˘) ♪ ......

full disclosure im a #fake at fan i havent watched since iwas like 13 or something so take what i say with a grain of salt . but ig the main appeal of the first 8 eps for me is that i felt like it was set up as a subversion of what we knew about fionna and cake and, by extension, adventure time as a series. it takes a look at at's typical storytelling formula but from a more detached lens so it provides a new take on adventure time's storytelling by subverting it's key elements while offering a new perspective and tone (i was very pleased w how different f&c are from their at counterparts!) . simon's depression only seems to spiral with time despite everything "ending well" in the original series. fionna, who was initially excited to escape her boring life, becomes slowly disillusioned when she realizes she's out of her element amidst all the magic. both fionna and simon were stuck in a point where they can't progress in life (though in varying degree) because no matter what they do, there isn't really anywhere they belong. so their arcs are set up to have them live for themselves and carve an identity outside of wanting to escape their situations!! i found that very interesting!!

but then. episode 9 and 10 ...... gotta say i was pretty underwhelmed w these ones ha!

(extended thoughts beyond the cut bc its wayy too long and kind of a downer.. ^^ dont click if u havent finished yet!!):

i mean. eps 9-10 do a good enough job in wrapping up the story .... its just that the tone and way in which conflict was resolved felt kinda disconnected from the first half imo. fionna's struggles and what she needed was set up as a fairly complex problem and seemingly extended beyond her surface level desire to escape. but by the end shes like no wait im ok with my town actually i just needed to accept it :) which while yes that was the resolution the show was setting up, the way it's handled feels too. easy ig? idk her journey in the last two episodes feels wayy more cut-and-dry than i was hoping. it really feels like they wanted to delve into her struggles a little longer but weren't given enough time to do so, so they just kinda had to skip to The Part where she learns her lesson, but for me that kinda undermined the complexity of the conflict being set up and resolved things in a pretty generic way. also nitpick but her decision to not change her world mainly coming from gumlee going like "nooo we just got together!" was like disappointingly simple to me (._.)

which brings me to simon. ouuugh simon. i loooove fionna and cake's take on simon as a character a lot but im sorry betty and simon's resolution left me with more mixed feelings than it did closure. their story is bittersweet and doomed from the start so i dont have a problem with them not being meant to be but "simon was selfish too" being the major takeaway is so strange to me? throughout the show simon is shown to be incredibly selfless and self-sacrificial so having THAT be what we take away from his character feels so out of left field. and yes bc we dont see much about simon's personal life in the main series i dont doubt that he was prone to being selfish. it could be an interesting direction to take him in! but.... his selfishness towards betty is only brought up in episode 9 (we didnt see betty till episode 8 mind you) through an exposition dump via casper and nova (whose segments+designs were admittedly rlly cute) and directly called into question in the last episode, which was ALSO their last meeting. and it leaves such a sour taste to me ....... if youre basing a climax off a specific conflict....why wait UNTIL the climax itself to directly bring up said conflict with little to no buildup. i couldnt feel any closure bc i didnt think this was the conflict theyd choose to build their relationship on at all (then again i have bad foresight)

also "we could've made better choices" still confuses me bc literally WHAT..... if simon never put on the crown he wouldve died and never wouldve found marcy. if he escaped the crown's curse he wouldve projected his madness onto pb. idk. maybe i was reading too much into those isolated incidents. but also somehow i doubt that betty turning insane and ice king's existence were consequences of his selfishness 😭 mind you he literally tried to stop betty from saving him in at!!

additional nitpicks the tone kinda switched back and forth and it felt jarring. going from the somber tone of simon and betty resolution/final meeting and the lighthearted/vaguely humorous tone of fionna and friends trying to stop the bad guy kinda messed with my investment a lil bit...also jay permanently living in fionna's universe was so strange to me likerwyt2r!^%@%#& DONT YOU HAVE SIBLINGS?

anyways i sound really critical but its only bc im rlly invested and believe it could be better if its given enough time to explore its concept better!! and even if the last 2 eps werent for me as a whole there are a lot of things i love about it . the visuals (casper and nova, simon and betty's resolution, the scene of simon returning to ooo, the dandelion scene, the epilogue, GOLB) were sooo beautifully done and did such a good job giving the scenes weight like seriously props to the creative team. i also looove beth and shermy we've only seen very little of them but already their dynamic is so endearing. there's so much passion and creativity jampacked into this project i reaaally can't wait to see what else they have in store

[fetus-cakes]

unsorted Aggretsuko season 5 thoughts (with plenty of spoilers) part 2

Sanrio is too fucking chickenshit to commit to the themes they themselves introduce

{@charlie-b-t  I didn’t see season 3 because the ending of season 2 bothered me so much

Season 1 ended a little oddly but I didn’t have enough info to form a strong conclusion I ended season 2 feeling as though the show was preaching conformity. The boss being the one to convince her to stay at work after being abusive towards her and completely jaded felt so Tonally wrong I didn’t wanna see a single other episode

And then Everyone said the feeling of season 3 was off, so I am satisfied with my decision The show makes me feel uneasy, like I’m being hunted, maybe a pleasant looking snack that if I sit down to eat a box will fall on my head}

Exactly, ultimately their goal is conformity

it's a show about a woman who is into death metal, but they make particular choices to make sure she doesn't stray from the path

{(charlie) It’s like… yeah you might like unusual things and be non traditional because times have changed but that’s no reason not to be a productive citizen. Don’t dream of stardom, don’t step too far out of line. Find a man to settle down with, work an honest job, you can try unusual things but ultimately the best thing to do is conform

Like she’s 100% gonna end the series right where she was at the first episode but she’ll be happy about it because she’ll realize there isn’t actually anything More out there

It felt very realistic that she ended up in so many miserable situations but in the end it feels like that was a trick against the viewers.}

I would have been okay with an ending in which she's married and pregnant but only AFTER she has character development where she learns marriage is about having a partner that you trust and not just an escape from a tedious job

{season 1 " i wanna get married only so i can quit my job'

her season 2 boyfriend: quit your job and ill take care of you, but i don’t believe in marriage retsuko, suddenly: if you wont marry me then you arent really serious about me so ill go back to my job

it felt like the tone of the show was that she was looking for shortcuts and she should keep her head down and work at an unfulfilling job and then eventually become a housewife that works at an unfullfilling job

it didnt feel like it really matched her personality or wants. they had not previously established that she had a connectino to the concept of marriage outside of a way to quit work}

yeah her dreams of marriage and kids should have been developed better! She could have evolved to see marriage as an escape or just "something adults are supposed to do" When she broke up with Tadano would have been the PERFECT to show her inner thoughts on this too bad they expect us to swallow that marriage has been important to her all along, even though her feelings in the first season were clearly about escapism

The reason she hated her job in the first season is because working for a living in general sucks and her boss was shitty; as the seasons passed her boss gained some character development and became less shitty, but the show never addressed how she felt about the tedium of working for such a large company after that character development

she clearly likes accounting and it's more than just a job she took to pay rent

she had an opportunity in the first season to quit her secure, stable job to help with the accounting of her friend's little import shop, but it was super risky and in the end Retsuko stayed at her job for the financial stability

it's not a bad choice to make! just like breaking up with Tadano because he has different goals about marriage and children is not a bad decision either

but both times the showrunners failed to tell us how Retsuko feels

does she still resent her job? does she appreciate it more? has she given deeper thought about what marriage means to her now that she found a partner that's super compatible but is non traditional? there's hints and implications but I really wish they would spell out some of these things

{exactly, they don’t tell us which makes it feel like the show thinks 'this is obvious'

and its in contrast to them normally showing us exactly how she feels about everything, but whenever its time to conform she has no thoughts about it}

[tera-91]

Mid-May rant

It seems like I get the urge to write things down about every 3 days or so. I guess that’s about as long as I can go without feeling frustration about things. Therapy might be good but I doubt I would be able to talk things out that frequently.

I just feel unfocused.

So many things that I need to do. Or that I want to do. Sometimes it feels like it’s the same thing.

I need to do some editing. I have a few videos ready but I have a monster of one that I need to edit before those can go live. Sometimes it sucks to have a series going because you cant really post them out of order. I have a whole list of ones that I have the footage to edit together.

I would like to be able to write more of my book. I fear that I have been out of it for too long. I wont know where the story was going to go. I went with my sibling to a concert and I got a vision while we were there of a scene I would like to put in it though.

My other writing is … spotty to say the least. I have at least 3, upwards of 6 stories in progress. I get maybe 2-300 words. Im not sure if its writers block or what. I have to pause for whatever reason and I don’t seem to get back to them.  

Or rather. I say to myself I can get to them later in the day.

My days have been roughly the same. Because of an issue I have once it gets around mid-afternoon it gets rough. I just lose the momentum.

I don’t quite get tired enough to take a nap but it takes me a few hours to kind of get a second burst. Ill do a little bit more cleaning done while im in the slump but not much.

I tell myself that once the pups go to sleep Ill write, edit or whatever else I need to do. I end up just watching shows. I’m trying to catch up to where one of the weekly shows are. I didn’t realize how far behind I was. Then again it doesn’t help that I can only watch maybe 2 or 3 before I’m falling asleep.

But I also want to work hard to figure out what I really want to do. Do I really want to go back to school? It will take me at least 3 years to finish and get the job. Well 2 plus a whole year wait to get into the program. Then who knows how long to actually get a job once I finish the course work and get the certification. If I can made it in writing or video work do I really want to go through 2 years for something I might not be able to do? I mean the technical component I think I would be fine. But the amount of time for the shifts? If I have a difficult time after 4 or 5 hours doing what I have been doing. If I couldn’t do monotonous work, the same thing over and over again. I honestly don’t know exactly what the job is like. Would it be monotonous working the same machine over and over again? Running the same sequence over and over again. Or would it be like what I have been doing? Working the same handful of machines over and over again but an uncountable combination of results so its not borning. Just some of the people suck.

I just feel like I don’t have any direction.

I find it difficult to decide.

What should I do as I’m weighing the options? What to do first. I feel like I cant ask for help in deciding because I know no one I live with shares my priorities. My low priority is their high priority or somewhere in the middle. One person is all about yard work while I’m all about the stuff that needs to be done inside. There is just so much to do. I think getting rid of dust, pup fur and clutter is more important than flowers. One of my pups is allergic to mold and dust mites. That same pup sheds like nothing I have seen before. I can brush everyday and get half to a full pup pile of fur every day. So to me inside work is a little bit more important.

On the positive side of it though. I don’t miss worrying about when I have to leave the house. I don’t have to worry about if I havnt done laundry.

Ive gotten a good chunk of stuff done. Sometimes I feel like it isn’t enough. Which I know is ridiculous. I do what I can when I can.

I got a script done. I got some editing done. I got a story done. I got soooo much laundry done. I got quite a bit of cleaning done.

I know I have more to do. I just need to tackle it a little bit at a time.

[aamethyst000]

DID YOU ALL SEE THE NORTHERN LIGHTS?! (may 11,24 - 8:45pm)

DUDE!!!! the fckn northern lights were so gorgeous last night!!ive nerver been more happy to be alive than i did last night and propably tinght too!! the fucking colours were so goddamn pretty!! all that magick looking arouras. god i love the northern lights~ i hope the clouds clear up again tonight and that the lights are brighter!! right now, i am cleaning up my room and then rearranging them to fit me better and for "change of season" feeling. keeping myself occupied until the lights come out. the sad thing though is that there was a (very) young one just passed away not even 2 days ago. those parents are only a few years younger than i am. its baffeling. and very sad. i hope those two can recover well, and that no one bothers them about it. this village is already rude about the funerals that happen here. almost no one repsects them, and the ones that do, are a part of that family or it was one of their family members passing away. the respect never stays. anyway, enough about saddness and funerals, the northern lights will be going off soon enough and i want my room to be clean before that happens, and judging by last night, it wiill be cold af again tonight.

11:08pm - judging by the weather tonight, we wont be able to see the northern lights. im so glad the was got to see them last night, they were so bright. my mom got sick just 2 days before mothers day, which is gotta suck all round for her. poor ma, she says its not but what may have push her over was drinking the last cup of coffee last night at 2am. i also think she was slowly getting sick before that, but it was body soreness and even more insomnia. she didnt even smoke today, how bad she feels, which sucks because we dont have any meds for her to take to properly recover. got no fricken money either. its very unfortunate that this happens almost every single time. its ridiculous how often this happens, and even when we do get some meds for us, we still end up with nothing once one of us in the house get sick. so if my mother is sick right now, i wonder who in the house will be next. so far, ive been the only one in mums room, so it might be me. on another note, the moon tonight looks so pretty~ its too bad that the clouds wont clear up for tonight. such a shame. i was so exicted and preparing myself to go outside and take lots of pictures while also admiring it. the way that the lights looked right above us was amazing, like it was circling right above the village <3 if you want to see my northern lights pictures, go to my instagram: @photographer.amethyst

i am posting what ive edited there and they look amazing! if i do say so myself <3 there are a few people now, trying to message me about being a freelancer or not. hell, just to sell my photography in general. i only do this as a hobby, selling my picutres will be a last resort only. this is not my last resort. at least, not yet it isnt. but thats for another day. right now, im going to have a puff and watch youtube videos for the rest of the night. so i think that this entry will be short as well. just maybe.

1:05am - it doesnt seem to be like the night to watch the notrthern lights tonight. it kind of sucks but i am so glad i got lots of pictures to edit and post <3 i just find it weird that it is very cold out right now and i just want to go back inside and curl up in my penguins blanket, never come out of my little cuccoon that i have made for myself. i made a second pot for myself basically. my little brother isnt drinking coffee, which is okie, its his choice. but its just me drinking the whole pot for now and for however long my mother will be ill for. hopefully this doesnt last long, conidering that we do not have any medicine for her to take. unfortunatly. even though she didnt eat at all today, she seems to need to throw up, or feel like thorwing up. dry heaving and whatnot. it genuinly does sound like that shit hurts. lots of thought run through my head when she gets like this. lots of anxiety and worry as well. i wonder if this is how she felt with all of her kids while we were growing up, and to change perspective, i wonder if this is how she felt when she was looking after her mother(my gran) while she was sick for a bit too. if so, no wonder she does everything in her power to make sure that we feel better and recover quick with the medicine she manages to find for us. speaking of, i may have to use my savings to go to the store again to find some medicine for her there. anyway, i think ill stop for tonight, hope you enjoy today/tonights entry, have a good day/night, readers~