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upside-down-uni · 3 years ago

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Hey! Idk if this is too much t9 ask, but could you rec me 2, 19, 20, 45, 55, 63, 69, 71, 72, 75, 86, 104, 111, 116, 131? sorry if it’s a lot but thanks in advance if u can rec me some! :)

Hi, you're in luck! I have an essay to procrastinate on and this ask is just the right thing to distract me! Here you go, I hope you'll find something that you like:

2. a book with a blue cover

Radio Silence by Alice Oseman. When i read it for the first time I was just on the brink of going to uni, still figuring out what I even wanted to study and this book just wrapped me in a warm blanket and said "it's going to be okay". I love the main characters Frances and Aled, their arcs and especially the really nice and quiet queer rep in this book.

19. a book that put you in a reading slump

The Knife Of Never Letting Go by Patrick Ness. When I start a book I generally have the feeling that I can't put it away until I have finished it. With The Knife Of Never Letting Go my problem was that I did want to read it but it didn't fit my mood, so I couldn't bring myself to read it but also beat myself up about not reading it until I put it back onto my shelf. So, I basically pushed myself into a reading slump over this book.

21. a book with a red cover

Honey Girl by Morgan Rogers. I enjoyed this book so much but probably not for the reasons most people would think I enjoyed it? The wlw romance was definitely nice and I really liked them being dramatic but also kind of mundane? What really got me though was the strong theme of found family of young adults and queer friendships, that really yanked the yearning hours wide fucking open for me. (I also liked that in the end the book wasn't as much about romance as it was about finding yourself after surrendering yourself to academia for ages and working through your issues.)

45. a book featuring the friends to lovers trope

The Priory Of The Orange Tree by Samantha Shannon. I adore this book. It's so long and there's so much incredible world building and history in it that it made reading an untter delight! Coming in it was a bit hard to acclimate to the slow paste but after a while I just settled in and enjoyed the ride. It's a breathtaking story in a breathtaking universe and afaik there's a second part coming!

55. a book with a satisfying ending

Yolk by Mary H. K. Choi. Yolk doesn't really have an ending in the sense of a "happily ever after" but I really loved where the author chose to leave the characters and how she did it. The book is quite different from what I usually read, tonewise, but especially that ending made me leave the book with a warm feeling. (also the cover is yellow and really really gorgeous)

63. a book that actually made you laugh out loud

I would've reccd Red White and Royal Blue but judging by your url you've read that already...sooooo, it's Snapdragon by Kat Leyh! Super cute graphic novel, with a weird and adorable storyline and such lovable characters!

69. your favorite mythological retelling

I haven't read a mythological retelling in ages, so basic Percy Jackson by Rick Riordan will have to do.

71. your favorite LGBTQ+ fiction

now that's just rude how am I supposed to choose?? I'll say it's Every Heart A Doorway by Seanan McGuire and Gideon The Ninth by Tamsyn Muir and Loveless by Alice Oseman. I feel very strongly and very distinctly about all of them, if you can get your hands on them my only comment is READ. (and maybe make sure you're okay with gothic sci-fi horror for Gideon The Ninth)

72. a book with a gorgeous cover

Plain Bad Heroines by Emily M. Danforth. It's her adult gothic horror debut after The Miseducation of Cameron Post and not only is the hardcover just stunning in black and red, it also got illustrations inside!! (And all teh women are queer and it's deliciously fucked up!)

75 a book featuring the I'm not like other girls trope

I think the closest I can come to that is The Lady's Guide To Piracy and Petticoats by Mackenzi Lee. The main character has to unlearn a bunch of stuff really fast if she wants to get along with the only other people that will help her. We have road trips in the 16th century, kidnapping and asshole husbands to be, piracy of course and friendship!

86. a book with an insane plot twist

Sawkill Girls by Claire Legrand. Sawkill Girls was my first touch with horror and I have to say I have no idea whether there was heavy foreshadowing. I think I remember thinking that there was something else to come but when the shit hit the fan I just sat there with big questionmarks over my head because I had read the book in a frenzy in one evening and truly did NOT anticipate it. As someone who did not read horror or thriller before this I have to say I was already insanely confused and disgusted by a bunch of stuff that went down. But then...uh. the thing happened and I was just lost. (In a good way though.)

104. a fluffy sweet read

Let's Talk About Love by Claire Kann. It's been a while ever since I read it but it's essentially a cute summer story about Alice who's a disaster bisexual when she sees people she finds cute. Which is a little inconvenient because the new guy at her job is really, really, really extremely cute and she ceases to function around him. There's best friend drama, eating pizza iirc and figuring shit out!

111. a book writing a book

I assume it's either "a book about writing a book" or I am literally supposed to rec a book that is writing a book...I'm going to rec a book that is about books! (because I can.) It's The Girl Who Reads on the Métro by Christine Féret-Fleury and it follows a young woman called Juliette wo gets sucked into an old bookseller's world of life saving, life changing books. A really quiet, really cute book.

116. a book with multiple povs

the Reckless books by Cornelia Funke! Simply divine stroytelling, a vibrant world and amazing characters! I have to say that I only know the German original so I don't know what the English translation might be like.

131. recommend any book you like

um. so knife gang members and people who follow my main, you'll once again be subjected to me being a mess because of lesbian necromancers in space! I've mentioned it before, it lives in my head rent free, it is the one, the only Gideon The Ninth by Tamsyn Muir! It's an insane sci-fi horror fantasy blend where Gideon has to play cavalier to Reverend Daughter Harrowhark I-love-being- an-absolute-pain-in-the-ass-to-Gideon Nonagesimus to help her become an uber-necromancer (like Harrow needs motivation to become even more of a nerd and shockingly good at necromancy) for the Necrolord Prime/Undying Emperor. There's BEAUTIFUL WRITING sprinkled with MEMES when you least expect it. There is incredible toxic codependency and repression. There's MURDER. There's fancy necromancy theorems and DUELS. There's enemies to begrudging allies to ??? Staple your socks to your feet or this book will blow them clean off!

#book rec asks #mo answers #thanks for asking!#idk when you sent this ask but it popped up in my inbox just today so here you go!

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cali-holland · 5 years ago

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Kiss the Chef- Harrison Osterfield One Shot

Pairing: Harrison Osterfield X Reader

Prompt: Harrison needs help with cooking & baking… will he turn to his ex for help or just fail miserably at making his mum a nice meal?

Word Count: 3400

Masterlist Harrison Osterfield Masterlist

*Gif is not mine*

~~~

Harrison let out a sigh, running a hand through his blond hair as he read over the recipe again on his laptop. Adjusting the glasses perched on his nose, he looked up and scanned the various ingredients on the kitchen counter. Why did he tell his mum he’d make her dinner for her birthday? Why did he commit to such a big thing? He couldn’t even cook without the added stress of his whole family eating it.

His sight shifted over from the dinner ingredients to the dessert ingredients. Yes, he had committed to also presenting his mother with a nice dessert because that’s what a good son does, right? It’s only now that he wishes he hadn’t just gone with the first appetizing thing he saw on the website; maybe it wasn’t a good idea to try to make a classic lemon tart, but could you blame him? Mary Berry’s website just made it look so good, he didn’t think it could be this hard.

He anxiously pulled out his phone, unlocking it and bringing up his contacts. His finger hovered over your contact, but he didn’t know if he had the strength to actually go through with it. He needed help, he needed your help. You used to cook and bake all the time together; he just wished he had paid more attention to the actual cooking and baking part, but he was far too focused on you.

“Haz, watch the stove!” You scolded him as you caught his blue eyes intently following your hands cutting up the peaches.

“My bad.” He laughed, turning back to the stove immediately. You wanted to try out a new recipe you had found online, which called for steak to be cooked on the stove for a few minutes each side. You thought it was a simple enough task to have him watch the meat- a.k.a. not burn the meat, but he was distracted. You stopped cutting the peaches that would be used for a Mary Berry certified peach cobbler later (which needed to be started now if you two wanted to eat it later) and stepped across the kitchen to inspect the steaks.

“They’re not bad.” Harrison said while he took the slightly charred steak out of the pan. You turned off the stove and pressed a kiss to your boyfriend’s cheek.

“It’s okay, it’s edible.” You paused, looking around the kitchen for the brussel sprouts you had put in the oven ages ago- the brussel sprouts he was supposed to take out. “Where are the vegetables?”

“I can’t cook anything.” He whined, hurrying to take them out of the oven.

“Haz!” You shouted, but it was too late- he’d grabbed the hot stoneware already. He dropped it, retracting his burned hand almost immediately. The brussel sprouts spilled out of the oven and all over the floor. You closed the oven door and took Harrison’s hand, bringing him over to sink to cool off the burn mark with cold water.

“This is a disaster.” Harrison groaned, looking at his red hand and then the vegetables littering your kitchen floor. “The brussel sprouts are gone.”

“I’m more concerned about your hand than the brussel sprouts.” You smiled softly at him, “I’m going to grab some burn cream, okay?”

“Okay.” He nodded, keeping his hand under the running water. You rushed off to find the ointment in the bathroom and came back to rub it gently over his hand. You kissed his hand lightly once you were done, careful not to hurt him. He smiled, “I love you, you know that?”

“I love you, too, Chef Osterfield.”

“You gonna kiss the chef?” He asked with a cheeky smile. You rolled your eyes at him playfully, but you kissed your boyfriend happily anyway.

No, he couldn’t call you. He couldn’t call his ex-girlfriend after having not spoken to her for a month. He just had to suck it up and attempt these two recipes. They couldn’t be that hard. I mean, they’re just cooking and baking two dishes. He had plenty of time to attempt them, mess up, and then just call for takeout. He groaned, knowing he couldn’t disappoint his mum by getting her takeout for her birthday dinner, not when he promised her something special that he’d made.

Defeated, Harrison pressed the small call button beside your name. Holding his phone up to his ear, he tried to prepare himself for the two outcomes of this- you send him straight to voicemail or you’d pick up. Since his call didn’t immediately go to voicemail, he knew he wasn’t blocked at least, but he didn’t know if he was ready to hear your voice again.

“Hello,” You answered the phone. He wasn’t ready to hear your voice again. His heart raced and his hand began to shake. He didn’t realize how long it was taking him to respond until you spoke up again, “Harrison? Is everything alright?” “N-No.” He said. His mother’s birthday dinner was on the line and you weren’t there cooking with him, so, no, everything wasn’t alright.

“Harrison, what is it?” Your voice softened.

“I need your help.” He admitted, shaking his head. He couldn’t do this, he couldn’t take the heartache on top of this stress. “No, I shouldn’t have called you. Sorry, just never mind.”

Before you could say anything else, he hung up the phone and set it aside. It was just him and these damn recipes that started to sound more and more foreign to him. Tightening the red apron around his waist, he read over the marinara recipe again. He didn’t know what a decent amount of the terms meant- sweat the onions, that couldn’t sound more unappetizing.

Just as he was googling what the hell “julienned onions” were, he heard a series of soft, yet rapid knocks on his door. Setting the onion and his phone down, he made his way over to the door. His heart stopped in his chest as he opened the door and you stood there before him.

“You sounded worried on the phone.” You said, your eyes filled with concern.

“I- um,” He froze, not knowing what to say. He’d just called his ex-girlfriend to help him make dinner and dessert for his family; it just didn’t seem like a justifiable reason to reach out to you, even if he wanted to desperately to have you in his life again.

“Are you cooking?” You asked, staring at the ‘Kiss the Chef’ apron he wore, the apron you had gotten for him back when you were dating.

“I told my mum I’d make her dinner for her birthday, and I just don’t know what a fucking julienned onion is.” He said. The frustration was clear in his voice, but you couldn’t stop yourself from smiling.

“It’s thin strips.” You laughed lightly. “Let me in, I’ll help you.” Harrison wordlessly stepped aside, making room for you to go in. You took off your shoes and set your purse aside before following him into the kitchen.

“This is the only other apron I have.” Harrison held out a small stained apron to you, your matching apron to his, reading ‘I AM the chef’.

“Thanks.” You put on the apron and made yourself comfortable in his kitchen. He hadn’t changed a thing in the room, even though you had moved most of the things in his kitchen to suit your preferences because if he ever used his kitchen appliances, you were with him (and it made so much more sense to have oven mitts in the drawer right next to the stove, not in the bottom drawer hidden by the island). Your eyes scanned over the ingredients in front of you, “What are we making?”

“Marinara for dinner and tart for dessert.” He replied, and you nodded. You pushed the dinner ingredients out of the way and pulled the dessert ingredients closer to the two of you.

“Marinara doesn’t take too long, so we should do the tart first.” You said and he pulled up the dessert recipe from Mary Berry’s website. You laughed when you spotted the URL.

“I like her desserts.” Harrison insisted, not even trying to hide his smile from hearing your laugh again.

“I didn’t say anything.” You began to gather the pastry ingredients. You used to tease Harrison all the time for his love of Mary Berry’s recipes, though he could never do them properly. He tried to make a sponge cake once from her website without you, and it definitely didn’t turn out how he expected it to, but you were still delighted that he tried for you and it still tasted fine (once you got over the odd saltiness because he forgot he’d already added salt at the beginning). Whenever you two would bake together, it’d always be one of her recipes. He even got you one of her cookbooks that you still used. Your eyes scanned over the recipe, “So lemon tart?”

“Yeah, my mum loves lemons.” He stated.

“I know.” You answered softly, remembering how you’d helped him bake a lemon meringue pie with him for her birthday last year. Maybe that’s why his mum had hope for him this year, because he’d already impressed her with one amazing meal last year. “Can you get me the butter and an egg please?”

“Sure.” He replied, heading over to the fridge to get the ingredients. He placed the butter and the egg next to the mixing bowl as you started to measure out the flour and sugar. As you started to mix together the pastry ingredients, Harrison felt a sudden wave of sadness wash over him- a couple months ago, he would wrap his arms around you, pressing kisses to your neck as you would mix together the ingredients. He knew that old habit was long gone, but that didn’t mean he knew what to do with himself now.

“How’s work been?” He asked. He didn’t know what to do besides attempt to make small talk with you.

“Busy, but it’s not bad. And you?” You added the eggs and water while he got out a tart tin and a roller.

“Been good. Got home a couple weeks ago.” He answered, immediately hating his reply. You broke up because of his work, because he was away too much, and the breakup wasn’t even in person. You couldn’t wait for him to come home; it hurt you too much to just wait for him every day, so you ended things over the phone, and it hurt you to do it, too. You didn’t want your relationship to end, you loved Harrison and you still do, but it was too much for you to just keep wondering when the next time he’d come home- it all just felt too unreliable. And Harrison knew that, he knew you didn’t want to leave him, but he knew it killed you that he was gone, and hell, it hurt him too to be away from you. But it was his job, and he couldn’t help it.

“It’s nice that you’re doing this for your mum.” You said, rolling the pastry dough into a ball. You handed it to him, allowing him to roll it out just like he used to (he always had to roll out the dough so you could admire his arm muscles, which you were definitely doing now).

“It was a good idea, but you know how I am in a kitchen.” He laughed, making you smile.

“Chef Osterfield the kitchen klutz.” You teased. His bashful smile and the blush that spread across his cheeks at the old nickname didn’t go unnoticed by you.

“We both know who was the real chef in the relationship.” He joked, nodding down to your apron.

“The apron doesn’t lie.” You laughed. You looked down, watching him roll out the dough. You placed a hand on his to stop his movements, and Harrison’s heart soared at the feeling of just your gentle hand on his. “You’re rolling it a bit too thin.”

“Is it good then?” He tooks his hands away from the dough and you nodded.

“Yeah, it needs to chill now.” You said, delicately picking up the thin dough and placing it in the tin, setting up so the extra dough hung over the edges. You placed it in the fridge and turned back to face Harrison.

As the pastry dough rested in the fridge, you helped Harrison prepare the lemon filling for the tart. When the pastry finally made it into the oven for its initial blind bake, you started on the marinara.

“Am I julienning it right?” Harrison asked, once he had cut a couple slices of the onion.

“Thinner.” You placed your hand over his on the knife and you cut a thin slice of the onion off, a perfect julienned onion. Harrison sniffed and you looked over at him with a small laugh.

“Onions.” His eyes watered up.

“You’d know that they make you cry if you ever actually cut them.” You teased, taking over cutting the onion as he stepped back, blinking his eyes.

“You always did such a good job cutting them, though. I didn’t want to interfere with that.” His sarcastic voice was drowned out by his sniffles, trying to hold back the onion-induced tears.

“Can you tear the basil leaves?” You asked, and he nodded, focusing his attention on that while you continued your work. “And I have to say, I agree, I do cut onions better than you, but that’s just because you didn’t realize you had to peel an onion before cutting it.”

“Hey now,” He faked offense at your truthful comment, “I didn’t cook with actual onions until you came along. Why cry over real onions when you can use onion powder and shit?”

“You didn’t cook before I came along. I don’t even know how you survived without me.” You laughed.

“I didn’t.” Though his tone was playful just like yours, you both knew there was more truth behind his words than either of you would like to admit. He passed a small bowl of torn basil leaves over to you on the counter. “They’re done.”

“I think the pastry’s done, too.” You said, “Make sure you-”

“Use oven mitts.” He cut you off with a smile, already knowing you were concerned he’d burn himself again. With an oven mitt covering his hand, Harrison took out the pastry and held it out to you for approval. You nodded and so he set it to the side. You put some oil into the stockpot before adding the onions to sweat them.

“Here, watch this for a bit. I’ll put the filling in.” You instructed, stepping back from the marinara to focus back on the tart. Harrison did as you had said, stirring the onions occasionally until you had the filling in the tart and the tart back in the oven. You added the rest of the ingredients to the marinara mix, letting it steam for a while. Harrison made his way to the fridge as you sat down at the island bar.

“Do you want some wine? I think have- aha,” He smiled proudly, pulling out an unopened bottle of your favorite wine. He was happy to still have it, but you both knew that he had it from before you broke up.

“I’d love some.” You replied and he poured you a glass. He got himself a beer from the fridge and opened it; leaning against the counter casually, he faced you.

“Remember when you made me that raspberry tart?” Harrison asked, remembering fondly to that day, just a month before you had broken up.

“It shipped so poorly. I’m still mad.” You said before taking a sip of your wine.

“But it was still amazing. A raspberry tart with pistachio crust, it was the best thing I’ve ever had.”

“Maybe I’ll make it for you again sometime.” It was a small offer, but it held so much weight to it. Sometime meaning that there was potentially a next time and Harrison wasn’t sure if he wanted to fully hope for that. He’d alright let you walk out of his life once, he wasn’t sure he could handle it again, although he felt fairly certain that, after tonight, you’d leave again. He looked at his watch and his eyes went wide when he realized how late it was getting.

“I need to get cleaned up, my family will be here in half a hour. Do you mind watching the food?” He asked, and you smiled with a nod.

“Go on, you’re fine.” You reassured him, looking down at your phone to make sure your timers for the tart and the marinara were right. Harrison walked towards his bedroom, but turned at the last moment to look at you again. He sighed. He really missed you this past month, and you were right there in front of him now, so why couldn’t just say those three words he wanted to say? Thinking about it, he didn’t know which three words he wanted to say more: I miss you or I love you.

After a few minutes, you got to work on the pasta, timing it out to be ready at approximately the same time as the marinara sauce. As you finished taking the tart out of the oven, there was a knock at the door, and you knew it had to be his family. You froze, not knowing what to do. Harrison was still in his room getting ready, and his family was twenty minutes early. You were once close with the Osterfield clan, though you weren’t sure anymore. You’d date Harrison for nearly two years, but you were still the girl that broke his heart last month. Sighing, you knew it was best to let them in and play off the awkwardness as best you could, so you went to the door and opened it with a smile.

“Y/N?” His mom asked, surprised to see you.

“It’s me.” You smiled. You felt your heart soar as she pulled you in for a hug; though you and Harrison may not be together anymore, you still wanted his mother to like you.

“Let me guess, he didn’t make all this on his own then.” His sister joked and you nodded your head sheepishly. You all made your way back into the kitchen, where the smell of marinara filled the air.

“Yeah, he needed some help. I think he’s-“ You stopped yourself as Harrison stepped out of his room. His glasses were off and he had slipped into a comfy sweater, one that you would steal from him all too often. His damp curls were pushed back and away from his face, and they made your heart flutter inside. You wanted nothing more than to steal that sweater again and to run your fingers through his hair just one more time.

“Happy birthday, mum.” He smiled, pulling her in for an affectionate hug.

“Y/N was just telling us you needed help in the kitchen.” She teased.

“Why don’t you tell ‘em what’s on the menu, Chef Osterfield?” You playfully nudged him with your elbow, before you turned to take care of the pasta and marinara sauce.

“We have marinara pasta for dinner and lemon tart as the dessert. Mainly made by Y/N.” He added, his smile still bright as ever as he spoke to his family.

As his family got distracted with their own conversation, you started to feel out of place, knowing that you shouldn’t stay. You turned off the stove as the pasta and sauce finished and quietly turned to Harrison.

“I think I’m going to head out.” You said, catching the frown that crossed his face. You took off your apron and put it aside on the counter.

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay? The only reason we’re not having takeout is because of you.” Harrison spoke softly, not wanting his family to completely overhear the conversation, though he knew they were listening in as they talked.

“I shouldn’t stay.” You insisted. You pressed a soft kiss to his cheek, before heading to the entryway to get your shoes and your bag.

“Harrison.” His mum said, drawing his attention away from you as you left. When he looked at his family, his mother shook her head at him, “Go after her.”

Without another word, he rushed out of the kitchen and out of his house. He caught your wrist just before you reached your car, turning you to face him. Before you could say anything, he kissed you passionately.

After a moment, he pulled away, resting his forehead on yours, smiling softly at you. “I miss your raspberry tart with pistachio crust.”

“Maybe I could be persuaded to make more.” You teased.

“I missed you, so much.”

“I missed you, too, Chef Osterfield.”

#harrison osterfield #harrison osterfield x you #harrison osterfield imagine #harrison osterfield x reader #harrison osterfield one shot #haz osterfield #harrison osterfield x y/n

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doesitsparkjoytho · 3 years ago

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Blog Asks

1. Why did you choose your url?

I've actually never seen Marie Kondo's show or read her books or anything. But the idea of keeping things that spark joy, that struck me. I had deleted my rather large previous blog (it was a FFXV blog) and started over. I needed something new. New and pretty much completely anonymous. And I was going to post everything that makes me happy :) And now I make others happy, too! At least that's always my goal/hope.

2. Any side-blogs? If you have them, name them and why you have them.

I post here way too much to have another one lol.

3. How long have you been on Tumblr?

Honestly? I don't even know. I've been on and off for years. Since at least 2015. I think I had blogs before that, though.

4. Do you have a queue tag?

#the queue brings you here? (callback to FFXV when Ardyn says "the boats bring you here? Well, they'll not take you forth.")

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

I can't remember if it restarted with DBH or Good Omens. But my main purpose in blogging is to spam the shit out of whatever I'm obsessed with. I have a compulsive need to create content.

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

Connor with swag glasses just reminds me of this nerdy android who thinks he's cooler than he is, and I vibe with that.

7. Why did you choose your header?

It's a still from Fallout New Vegas. You climb this super high crumbled building to find a hidden cache up top where this dead dude is hanging over the window with the message "I feel fine" on the wall next to him. It's just....so perfect. It was so funny to me the first time I found it.

8. What’s your post with the most notes?

I think it's Good Omens memes. Followed by the Hank and Connor PSA.

9. How many mutuals do you have?

A few! I'm slowly coming out of my shell again on here.

10. How many followers do you have?

A lot more than I'd ever expect to have (how? why? I have no idea 😂)

11. How many people do you follow?

200+ (and it grows everyday!)

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

I don't think more than 3 days pass without me doing so

13. How often do you use Tumblr each day?

Way too much

14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? Who won?

I don't do drama. Everyone so far has been pretty chill. I generally ignore comments that are negative in any way. Discourse is fine, but anything implying what I'm posting is an issue, well....nope.

15. How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

I don't see those often?

16. Do you like tag games?

I do if they're not just music ones, those kinda bore me

17. Do you like ask games?

Yes!

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

I don't know, but I would not be surprised!

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

I haven't had a nonfictional crush in a very long time tbh. Platonic feelings, though? Totally!

20. Tags?

Heh? If anyone feels inclined, you are most welcome! Not gonna tag on this one.

#ask game #all aboard?

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buildhope · 3 years ago

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headcanon questions → @ghosthaunt sent 💬 for an important quote / speech / motto.

there are two speeches that come to mind, and though they’re spoken many years apart, they go hand in hand.

the first is alden’s speech to maggie after the war ends and he’s trying to show her that helping hilltop during the war wasn’t just a fluke, but something he intends to keep doing as long as she will allow him ( and the others who choose to ) to stay, because the sanctuary isn’t his home, and hilltop already feels like it is.

“the guys are going back to the sanctuary. gonna try and make something else out of it. i don't know. the thing is, i was never meant to be there. i've been reading that book, ‘a key to a future.’ you know, i can build things, i can make some of that stuff real, for this place, for these people. it's what i want to do with my life.”

this quote is very defining to alden’s character as a whole ( and is also where my url originated from. ) these people took him in as prisoners, they hated them because they were saviors even though most of the people were workers at the sanctuary rather than the soldiers that they would have wanted to take hostage of. simon himself said that alden and the others had no value to them because they were workers, alden knew that, he knew they weren’t going to get anything out of them being hostages --- but he still understood why they were their hostage. he still understood why they associated them with the worst of the saviors’ people.

this is why it’s always so grating to see fans say things about alden like ‘did he forget he was a savior?’ because no, he didn’t, he has always understood that despite not being a soldier there, these people would associate him with the saviors and they should, just as long as they find it in their hearts to actually learn who they are beyond that ( which he does himself, even when he is hesitant of new people coming from bad places. )

the war ends, and all alden can think about is staying at hilltop and making it an even better place. n*gan has been defeated, the saviors can finally try to make something of the sanctuary without a tyrant for a leader. he COULD go back there and find his place there --- but that was never even an option for him, because he ‘ was never supposed to be there. ‘ it wasn’t the place for him. not now, not before, not ever. he belongs in a place that puts their community first and works together to make something special for generations to come. he wants to be part of building that place up to make it even better, and this is not just a way to secure his spot there, he’s not just doing this for praise or to repay some debt for having been let stay --- it’s because he genuinely wants to. it gives him a purpose that he’s always wanted to have for a place. he feels like himself, like he’s doing something that really matters for something better rather than what he built for the sanctuary, always having some sinking feeling that it wouldn’t be used for good.

he believe sin the future and he believes it’s brighter in the hilltop. he wants to be part of building that future and bringing real hope to the people there. the war is over, but it’s time for a fresh start, for brighter days --- and he gets to give that to them.

there are two quotes that fit the next part of this, happening 2 seasons / 7(ish) years later. one from earl and one from alden that discuss what hilltop means to them now. the first is earl’s quote from when they’re trying to form a plan for when the whisperers come to fight them on their own land:

"we're going to have to fight, and if we die, we die fighting for a place that means something. can you think of a better way to go?”

this is probably my favorite quote relating to alden, even though he’s not the one who says it himself, but he and earl are definitely on the same page here. neither of them want to leave their home and let it burn. they want to take a stand there. they want to be able to fight for their land and their home and their future. because if they don’t --- if they just run --- then they’ll never know if they were able to protect it.

the second part of this quote is something that alden says to mary and aaron and it really backs up earl’s claim. they’re both very passionate about hilltop, not just because of all they’ve built there, but because they have a son to think about and his future to protect. it’s not about them; it’s about this kid, this kid that resembles hope and new life and the future.

"earl's a better father than mine was. and we lost tammy, and then i lost... and he's been raising that boy alone. for her. and for us. not for you, he's not yours, he'll never be. and you think i'm picking a fight, think i'm being unreasonable? if i die tonight, it'll have been for everything we've been trying to build for him.”

( also, honorable mention for ‘ earl’s a better father than mine was ‘ for being one of my favorite quotes of alden’s, because it fit perfectly with my headcanons and the development i had given him before this episode. )

both alden and earl are willing to die for hilltop, just as long as they know they’ve made an effort to protect it. adam was left to die, but they took him in and they saved his life. what good is saving his life if they can’t hold onto everything they’ve tried to build for him? alden says ‘everything we’ve been trying to build for him,’ and yes, they only knew adam for a few months whilst they had been building hilltop for years, but adam represents the future they’ve been trying to protect and build for everyone here. they look at adam and they see the future of hilltop. their kid represents all the kids who grow up there and who are going to get to become something there.

‘can you think of a better way to go?’ --- no. because nothing matters more to tham than protecting the home that’s been built for this child + all children. it’s bigger than just them; this is their future they’re trying to save.

maybe staying there and fighting wasn’t the best option, but they own it and they do it proudly. they have to try to save everything they built so that they can ensure adam’s safety. they took adam in and they promised to give him that home that he never had, so they refuse to lose it now.

and, as we know, earl DID die protecting hilltop. he knew there was no better way to go than protecting his home for his son, and that’s exactly what he did. because of this, all they’ve said about hilltop and all they’re passionate about is even more important to alden now -- because his father died protecting this place, he wants to do everything he can now to bring it back. earl was willing to die for hilltop, and he did, and he entrusted alden in taking care of it + his son --- so that’s what alden’s going to do.

#meta.#god i love the s*tton family more than anything #queue.

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18-fandoms-unite-08 · 5 years ago

Text

I didn't know I needed you until you needed me pt. 3

Pt. 1 ~ Pt. 2 ~ Pt. 3 ~ Pt. 4 ~ Pt. 5 ~ Pt. 6

Enjoy!!

She scanned her surroundings, taking in everything and anything that could either be used for her gain, or against her.

"On my mark," The man said.

"Thalatha.. " The grip on her bow tightened.

"Athnan.. " She knocked in an arrow and aimed.

"Wahid!" The sound of the wind as the arrow sailed across the field was satisfying. It was even more satisfying when she heard a loud clang resonated through the open space. She grinned.

"Your aim has improved much in these last few months."

"Shukraan alsyd. " Anyone could visibly see that she was beeming with joy.

"I am glad to inform that your training is nearly complete."

"Where does the council suggest the order be rebuilt?"

"We, of the council, have sensed great dark magic in the city of Gotham. We advise you to start there. There is also a past holder settled there. They have offered their guidance, should the need for it arises."

"And when do I leave, alsyd?"

"Sunrise. In a weeks time."

"Very well."

Hushed voices could be heard from inside the room. For the untrained ears, they would not be able to have heard a word. However, to her, the conversation sounded as clear as glass.

"Will you follow her to Gotham?" She voiced it as if already knowing the answer.

"Unfortunately, this is where Nette's path and I part. I still have matters to attend in the other-realm."

"I understand."

At that, she stepped into the room.

"You're not going with me?" She asked both the occupants of the room, Félix and Kagami.

They both looked at each other before Kagami sighed and looked at her.

"Don't get us wrong, we really want to go with you, Mari-Hime. It's just... Mother wants me back in Japan. There is a family meeting. Fé... He has some... matters to settle in you-know-where. "

Mari nodded her head in understanding.

"Does the media believe what we told them that happened?"

"Well, some people didn't take it to well. Mainly Jagged and your parents. Luka also. Other than that, the world believes you dead."

"Good. Let's leave it at that. Easier for me to rebuild the Order. I can't keep living in the past" Marinette said.

Though it would seem as if she was metaphorically speaking, it was true. Félix had the power to time-jump and had brought her and Kagami into the past. Specifically, twenty years back. When the Order was still thriving. (See notes at the end for an explanation)

See, Félix was a past holder of old. Like, really really old. He was cursed to forever live on, witnessing those he loved die infront of him. The curse was brought as a side effect of abusing the magic of the rabbit miraculous. He had befriended Fu during his time finding a cure for the curse and had found out of Marinette through his last plea to help the girl before he died.

The reason Kagami was there too was because she had come to Marinette's aid when Tikki asked for help when she was severely injured during that last akuma attack. It helped that the both of them could pass as twins, minus the eyes of course.

Just then, someone knocked on the door.

"Marinette, it is time for your afternoon meditation."

"Be there in a minute."

With that she faced Félix and Kagami once more and wished them both well before she headed out.

It had been five months. Five freaking months since the soulmate connection literally just vanished from existence. Though if he concentrated hard enough, it would sort of appear, he was still worried.

What the hell happened to her?

Damian was getting more worried as the days passed. Especially what he found during his search for his soulmate, Marinette. She was... proclaimed dead in Paris, though a body was never found.

Though he knew Marinette was still very much alive, it left him to ponder where she was and what was going on.

It was a week later when Damian finally sensed her again.

Marinette looked out the window of the plane. She had boarded about two hours ago, already having said goodbye to Kagami in Paris and Félix before he went to the other-realm.

Yes, she could have used Kaalki to get to Gotham, however that wouldn't be quite... legal and she hadn't wanted to cause any trouble. She was already in enough precaution since people technically thought her dead.

From inside her coat pocket, she could feel the slight tightening embrace of Tikki. Subtly trying to comfort her holder and tell her that everything would be alright.

Little did they both know that everything to come would be pretty... chaotic.

Notes:

Félix Culpa was a past holder and due to him abusing the time/rabbit miraculous he was cursed to watch his loved ones die in front of him while he lived on forever immortal. He was old friends with Fu.

Kagami is there cuz Tikki asked her to help and she told her mom she was training in Tibet with some legendary Swords men.

Sooo, I tried. Hope you guys liked this!! Sorry this was a little (a lot) later than I promised, :(( it has been quite a tough few days and I wasn't in the mood to right. So sorry for those of you who have been waiting for so long.

{TAG LIST}

@goblinwhoships @beaversuenightly @thethirdwheelfriend @kris-pines04 @dur55 @weird-pale-blonde-person @caffeinetheory @zalladane @officiallyathiana @maribat-shenanigans @drarryismylife101 @myhoroscopeisdeath @dast218 @ask-sakura-haruno-blossom-queen @thesunanditsangel @draco-kasai @xgxmxtx @magic-miraculous @starwindmaden @magicalfirebird @corabeth11 @littleblue5mcdork @jardimazul @bobothyross @yuulxd @bamagirl513 @sassakitty @fandomkitty8 @nataladriana9 @rebecarojas07 @riarkle-felinettelove @legendaryneckjudgestudent @danielslilangel @sharksharkbb @gabbie-gabbs @mlbchaosqueen @synnesstra @bran-thecreeper-stark @worlds-tiniest-spook-pastry @almstreet @queenmj10 @shoushig @7-sage-7 @nanakeid @hnbutt @hufflejournals @jeminiikrystal @indecisive-mess-named-me

Idk what happened to the ones that r not tagged. I couldn't find ur urls

Tag list is still open! Sorry if I missed anyone!

---

All my fics are under the tag #18fandomsfics

#maribat discord #ml fic #fanfiction #maridami #maribat #marinette x damian #marinette dupain cheng #damian x marinette #damimari #soulmate #maribat soulamte au #soulmate au #soulmate bond #18fandomsfics

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stickylittleleaves · 4 years ago

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9, 22, 27, and 29!

[for the sake of these answers I'm going to pretend you don't live with me & know me very well 😙] 9) What's a book you want to buy? these days I'm mostly into buying theory or history type stuff; those books take a long time to read (longer than a library checkout usually allows) and are good to keep around anyway. I've had my eye on C.L.R. James' The Black Jacobins (about the Haitian Revolution) and Angela Davis's Are Prisons Obsolete? for a long time, so one of those will probably be my next purchase. other than that I love buying good quality art books when I find them for a reasonable price, and I'm always looking for vintage paperbacks with cool cover art to add to my collection! one thing I read often but don't usually buy is contemporary fiction, just because it's not something I tend to reread a lot or need to spend more than a few weeks with. but I have started getting some stuff by modern novelists I know I can depend on, like Zadie Smith! 22) How do you organize your books? this has caused a bit of conflict in our apartment in the past (😘 we've mostly worked it out by now). I used to be pretty rigorous about shelving fiction in alphabetical order by author and nonfiction by subject, basically a library model, but I've experimented with different systems since we combined our collections a few years ago and now the method we both seem happy with is kind of just... vibes based? some shelves are by color or appearance, some by size, some if they're from the same publisher or series, etc. it would have freaked the old me out but I think it reflects my evolution into a more accepting and easygoing person! or at least I hope that's the case. I do also have a bunch of books lined up on my writing desk, with the idea that they're books I might call on while writing. so there are reference books, guides to weird subjects (medieval history, angels, fairies, gothic literature), collections of fiction and poetry and essays, and a few random things I find inspiring, like a copy Kafka's journals. I kind of just grouped these desk books together by topic, but it's not very formal. 27) What books can always make you cry? the "always" in this question is throwing me off a bit because I don't reread super frequently and I'm not sure if I've cried from the same book twice, but I think good poetry is the most likely to bring tears to my eyes? there's a section of a poem Tennyson wrote to his dead best friend (and possible boyfriend!), "In Memoriam A.H.H., section 50" which always gets me, and was actually the source of one of my tumblr urls back in the day. (I don’t really care for or about Tennyson otherwise but I read that poem in college and it stuck with me.) Mary Oliver's poem "Dogfish" always hits hard too, as well as the last few stanzas of W.H. Auden's "September 1, 1939", and Danez Smith's "summer, somewhere" also crushes me. sorry if I sound snobby picking poetry--I don't even read it that often--but it's just the truth! I've definitely cried from novels too, but poetry is a more concentrated dose of emotion. 29) What's the biggest book you've ever read, and how many pages did it have? the real answer is the NIV bible when I was in high school 🤓, which has however many pages the bible has, but the slightly less lame answer is either Middlemarch by George Eliot or The Brothers Karamazov by Dostoevsky, both of which are 800+ pages. I love them both tho!

#ask #books

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tiernamente · 5 years ago

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Hello! 💫✨💛 This is the love bot! I am here to ask you to describe your mutuals as your favorite things/feelings! Spread some love during these tough times 💛✨💫 Then send this to 10 people and keep the love going 💛

This is gonna be a long list cause I have a lot of love to share!🥺💖💖💖

@chaylani nerdy memorabilia, cuddles with my pets (Benji and Mochi) & good morning messages

Elle, my love, my adorable dork, my one and only. Am I writing a love poem? (maybe) I remember when you first messaged me and we realized that we’re both really nerdy. We’ve bonded over our shared interests which resulted in our strong bond. I trusted you instantaneously and you make me all soft which is why I can’t see my life without you now.

@khaleesionjupiter my obsession of plushies, blankets & mugs

My baby! Whenever I receive a message from you, I get this instant feeling of wanting to hug you and protect you. Nothing can stop us from fulfilling our evil mad scientists plans. You crack me up and make me smile so fast that it’s crazy. Thank you for being you.

@do-you-know-bts deep talks with friends & warm cups of coffee

Helena, we both now that our sleep schedules suck but at 4am the thoughts just come rolling out. I’m glad to have someone who understands the bad moments just as much as the good. You give me comfort even if you give me a heart attack from all the 2seok content. (Keep it coming please!)

@shadowdevilsslayer nature/landscape photography & fresh baked goods

I know you hate the name but I love seeing Abi’s adventures (even if it’s the same path). I enjoy seeing nature’s beauty in any shape or form and you live in a place that’s surrounded by green!!!!!! You may be more reserved but your caring nature shines through. Thank you for being that mom friend we need.

@zamisriza-the-resurrection board game nights with friends

Zami!!!!! You’re so adorable and funny. Your love for Jungkook makes me all types of soft. You’re just like during a game night, were things start off calm but get chaotic as time progresses. I love that about you!

@glossyvante oranges, mangoes, watermelons & strawberries!

Lovely Mica! You’re such a sweet soul just like my favorite fruits haha. Thank you for letting me get some sneak peaks of your story. (I hope I get to see more of your works soon!) Also thanks for dealing with my crackhead snaps because I’m such a dummy.

@alittlesugaorspice tea & biscuits (this opportunity was too good, sorry!)

The absolute best person to roast Helena with me! Thank you Li for putting us all together. You make me laugh so hard when we’re on a call and you have such funny stories to share. You’re gonna be an amazing veterinarian!

@d-rex03 blasting music in my room & having my own jam session

Querida, you already know I love you so so so much! You’re the cutest little bean and I enjoy sending you random Yoongi related posts. You two are so similar that it makes sense why you love him. (But I still love you more!) Te quiero muchisimo chapina!

@dreamyeyes26 watching my favorite youtubers/random videos online

Naz! I love speaking with you when I get the chance to because you’re so calming and comforting (just like the videos I watch haha). You make me happy just by being there. I hope you continue to take care of yourself and I love you!

@ahh–lexia daydreaming with headphones in during a road trip

The homieeee Lex! I love how we’re both so damn loud. That crackhead energy really makes itself known. You’re easy to talk to and laugh with. I love seeing your creative side because it’s really cool!

@hobissunshiness the feeling of starting a new book/show/series

You’re like a breath of fresh air Sofie. I love reading the stories you come up with or hearing about your ideas. Your mind is so powerful and I want to encourage all of your ideas (even if some of them are cursed).

@napofamikrokosmos learning random facts about things

I found it super funny when I realized how we just have random knowledge about things. Google who? I only know Sam. You get super passionate about stuff and I absolutely love that about you. Keep doing what you’re doing sweetie!

@billie-harper discovering new music & getting obsessed with the artist

I love seeing your posts because I’ll notice we’ll share a lot of similar interests. It’s really exciting to see how much we have in common. You’re really kind and I would love to talk to you more. (Suho’s album is TOO GOOD FOR WORDS!)

@jayhoee creating handmade gifts for my friend’s birthdays

The meme queen Kaite! I love how we got into bts at the same time and that we both haven't been to a concert (freaking corona ruining our time to shine). Keep those memes coming Kaite. They're essential in this time of need.

@liamgayllagher the smell of my mom’s cooking/any home cooked meal

My twin! You're such an extreme version of me and that's saying something. I love how enthusiastic and loud you can get over things you love. Please continue that and I enjoy all the lovely messages you send me.

@the-assembly-call receiving memes from friends on social media

Overalls!!!!! You're so smol and cute and you make me laugh alot with your memes. You're a wonderful human being and I'm glad to have met you.

@dearmyxing soundtracks, soundtracks, soundtracks! (games/movies/etc.)

The Queen when it comes to being a fangirl. I bow to you and respect you. You’re so damn cool to talk to Mary Jane. Thank you for being so awesome. Also, I promise I’ll get around to watching the prodigal son. If not, just yell at me until I do.

@jxnaexo warm hugs, smiles & laughs

Nana! Like I've said before, you're so wholesome and caring and considerate about everyone. You care so much about us and I couldn't be more grateful to have you as a friend. I will fight anyone for you!

@soondaengie finding bright clothing with cool patterns

Omg kiddo you make me laugh so much because of the theories you have or the stories you share. You're bright and passionate and so cute!

@uibout tiramisu & coffee ice cream

This is a cop out because I actually do love tiramisu! You made me wheeze when you sent me those drunk posts. I'll always be your dweeb. (I love you Logan. Also, you jerk you didn't tell me you switched your url, I had to search for you!)

@gukssunshine that feeling of solving homework problems correctly

I love that we can complain about school to each other. You’re so honest and sweet with me and I love you so much Tanya. I love your energy when you talk about random things.

@zombiewerewolfqueen earrings, eyeshadow palettes, nail polish art

I have basic lobe earrings but yours looked so cool when you showed it to me. I don’t do makeup myself but I enjoy seeing the colors and designs people will do. Similar to that, I love seeing how creative you are with your writing even if I don’t understand the context.

@kiwipitupandstir winning on mario kart

You're such a cool person and I absolutely love seeing your posts on my feed. I wish you the best bud. Stay true and stay cool.

@notreyoon flowers, gardens, all aesthetically pleasing things

Ah yes the superior Leslie, you’re just as precious as yoongles. Whenever I see your blog I'm like, how is a human this stunning?!?!?! Like girl, show me your secrets! Sending you my love!

@clickclacktothemangmang museums/observatories/spontaneous adventures

I miss you my fellow funky little Hobi lover. It was so nice to talk to you about the random things bts would be releasing last year or the shows they were doing. You're so adorable and I hope you continue to shine bright!

@majestikblue listening to stories about people/life (post secret/humans of new york/etc.)

Ah yes my taegi buddy. Thank you for showing me post secret because I haven't been the same since. I love stories and you encouraged that. Continue to yell about taegi to me and I will continue to yell about 2seok to you.

@galaxiejoon going to bed after a long day

My fellow nam2seok enthusiast. Unfortunately, we don’t talk much but whenever I see your tags on posts, I crack up so hard. You’re so relatable so just keep doing what you’re doing bud.

I love you all! And to all of my other mutuals I haven’t had the chance to talk to, please know that I love you too! I promise I’m nice????

🥺🥺💕💕😘😘 sending y'all my love

#Anonymous #phew this took a long time #sorry for spelling errors #I did not proofread #but yeah these peeps are great just fyi #love them lots!#mutual cutie pies #asks

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wychive · 4 years ago

Text

tagged by : @neo-shitty (toffee! ilysm hehe)

tagging: @noya-sannnn , @vitriosan , @hwanami , @luthenia and anyone else who wants to participate

slight warning : mentions of food

this is kind of long so it can help you relax if you want to do this!

[ one ] tell me the first song that made you stan your current fave group and why did your faves attract you so much?

wave // ateez

when jane showed me and fely (she already stanned ateez) the mv i was like :00 this song is really good and it goes with my type of music; pumped up and really fun. i decided that i wanted to stan them because of this introduction video that they did during pirate king where san broke the toy hammer trying to smack yunho’s ass SHHSSIJS,, i found them really funny and comforting! they made me so happy and that’s why they attracted me so much. + their amazing music ofc

forever // exo

alright so i originally just casually listened to exo from wolf era up till 2017 when the kokobop teasers came out. they looked really pretty and so i watched them up till kkb was released. it’s what baekhyun’s voice in the forever teaser that captured me into stanning them. everything about the exo’s attracted me, their vocals, their dancing and ofc their visuals. bonus: their time on the ‘360 show(??)’! im not sure of the actual name for the programme but it was where yixing kept pronouncing jurassic park wrong pls that was so cute and funny how could you NOT stan them!

[ two ] answer the ten questions given by the previous person and write 10 of your own for the next person!

what’s your favorite season and why?

we only have two types of seasons here but if this includes western seasons, i would pick spring! flowers give me a sense of calmness whenever they start to bloom so being in a season where it’s just different coloured plants all around you? sign me up pls

are you a cat person or a dog person?

im a cat person! i currently have two cats as pets

what’s your current favorite song and why can’t you stop listening to it?

it would probably be fever by ateez! this is because it gives off freedom vibes and i’ve been stressed lately so the song is a little oasis for me

if you had the ability to do either of the following, would you rather change something in the past or see into the future?

i would choose to see into the future so that i could change what i do now, whether its related to me being lazy or me being selfish,, i would like to keep the past the way it is even if i had some scarring moments. it’s nice to look back on those and see how far you’ve come as a person.

what’s your favorite movie?

my favorite movie would either be spirited away or paper towns,, i actually don’t have a favorite movie because all of them have affected my life in different ways so yea :D

what did miss rona ruin for you this 2020?

probably the food fair this year,, my group of best friends were supposed to go there to celebrate jane and another friend’s birthday. the food fair happens yearly so it wasn’t anything big to anyone else, but to us it was something special. there are a lot more things but this was one of the major things she ruined :/

what’s your favorite album? (you can name one for each genre you like or you can just name one, it’s up to you.)

toffee why my top three would be day6’s sunrise, bts’ you never walk alone and lauv’s ~how i’m feeling~

if you could talk to your past self (person who lived your past life), what would you tell them?

“hey, dude, i hope you’re doing okay. stop being so selfish all the time alright? and stop comparing yourself to others, it wouldn’t do you any justice. make sure to spread A LOT of positivity even if no one acknowledges it. its okay to cry sometimes too. is my soulmate doing okay? i hope they are. i’ll make sure to find them in this timeline, and the next. whatever it takes. learn to love yourself.”

do you have a go-to person? who is it?

uh i dont have a go-to person,, i can’t vent or rant without feeling like burdening the other person or spreading negativity to them. instead i just kind of rant to myself on discord.

if you could tell your younger self something, what would you say?

“hey, kiddo. don’t fall in love too much nor fool around. it’ll affect you badly. appreciate the things your parents do for you, okay? don’t take anything for granted. ignore the people who call you names, they don’t matter here in the future. just be you.”

how do you spend your free time?

who or what is your biggest inspiration?

if you were a character in a horror movie, which stereotype do you closely resemble? and why?

your top 3 fanfiction tropes! (can be nsfw)

do you believe in soulmates and why?

painting or sketching and why?

what is on the top of your to-do list right now?

list down the top 3 things that make you happy.

who are you simping for right now?

what is your first core memory?

[ three ] bold the statements that apply to you, italicize your aspirations.

AIR ༉⋆͙̈

i have small hands / i love the night sky / i watch animals and birds when i pass them by / i drink herbal tea / i wake to see the dawn / the smell of dust is comforting / i’m valued for being wise / i prefer books to music / i meditate / i find joy in learning new truths from the world around me

FIRE ༉⋆

i don’t have straight hair / i like to wear ripped jeans and overalls / i play an organized sport / i love dogs / i am not afraid of adventure / i love to talk to strangers / i always try new foods / i enjoy road trips / summer is my favorite season / my radio is always playing

WATER ༉⋆͙̈

i wear bracelets on my wrists / i love the bustle of the city / i have more than one set of piercings / i read poetry / i love the sound of a thunderstorm / i want to travel the world / i sleep past midday most days / i love simply lit dinners and fluorescent signs / i rewatch kids shows out of nostalgia / i see emotions in colors not words

EARTH ༉⋆͙̈

i wear glasses or contacts / i enjoy doing the laundry / i am a vegetarian or vegan / i have an excellent sense of time / my humor is very cheerful / i am a valued advisor to my friends / i believe in true love / i love this chill of mountain air / i’m always listening to music / i am highly trusted by the people in my life

AETHER ༉⋆͙̈

i go without makeup in my daily life / i make my own artwork / i keep on track of my tasks and time / i always know true north / i see beauty in everything / i can always smell flowers / i smile at everyone i pass by / i always fear history repeating itself / i have recovered from a mental disorder / i can love unconditionally

[ four ] the ultimate tag: answer whichever ones you want to because there are a lot.

personal

name: [REDACTED], alachi nickname: teja, kai birthday: april 11 zodiac: aries nationality: malaysian languages: english, malay, learning korean gender: female sexuality: biromantic height: 160 cm / 5"2’ or 5"3’

blog stuff

inspiration for muse: music, other people’s work meaning behind my url: fever (current fav song) + core (aesthetic??) blog established: around 2018 but i started becoming active in late 2019/early 2020 followers: 146 ( i love you all )

favorites

favorite animal/s: anything connected to the cat species favorite book/s: the authentics (abdi nazemian), satellite (nick lake) favorite color/s: lighter shades/mid-tones of cool colours, a dash of yellow

random

average hours of sleep: 6 cats or dogs: cats coffee, tea or hot chocolate: tea current time: 11:34 pm dream trip: south korea, japan, europe dream job: song producer, lyric writer hobbies: listening to music, browsing the internet hogwarts house: ravenclaw last movie watched: harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban last song listened to: no. of blankets you sleep with: 1 random fact(s): my favourite subjects are biology and english!

[ five ] 10 songs i can’t stop listening to:

eternally - txt

fever - ateez

blue - keshi

lights out - exo

00:00 - bts

strawberries and cigarettes - troye sivan

maze in the mirror - txt

i loved you - day6

illusion - ateez

stolen moments - the vamps

#this took wayyy too long hhh #but thank you to toffee for tagging me <333 #tag game #tumblr game #kpop #about alachi !#alachi thingz #alachi's bffs!

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neo-shitty · 4 years ago

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extra elongated tag game!

tagged by: @waithyuck hi, thank you for tagging me. i hope you’re safe :))

tagging: @94core, @legendnct, @juliennestudies (hi, it’s althea. you might want to do this?), @jaesmintea (can we be friends dkjsf idk how to make friends here) and whoever wants to play this game. it’s pretty lengthy tho.

O N E

tell me the first song that made you stan your current fave group and why did your faves attract you so much?

for seventeen, it was clap. the synchronization, even when they made a mistake, was really impressive to me. i started binge-watching their dance videos and i just remember being at awe at how a lot of people (considering they’re 13) could be in sync like that.

for nct, it was kick it. i used to say i didn’t like the song, but it won’t get out of my head. i’m not sure what keeps me attracted to them as a group. i just am. also, haechan is the love of my life. i’ve never loved an idol the way i loved him.

for ateez, it was wonderland. good lord, i just love that song. the mv, the vibe it gives off, the aesthetics during that era. makes me want to start a revolution.

T W O

rule: answer the ten questions given by the previous person and write 10 of your own for the next person!

1. what is your favorite memory from your childhood?

i didn’t have a dull childhood or something. i just don’t have specific memory that i could consider my favorite. but if there was anything i was fond of, as a kid, it was being innocent and not worrying too much about anything. i miss that and i wish i could go back.

2. if you could travel anywhere in the world with just a snap of your fingers, where would you go and why?

the museum where van gogh’s starry night is stored. i want to visit it in the middle of the night when there’s no one else there. i just want to stare at it and appreciate it.

3. describe your personality in three (3) words.

unbowed. unbent. unbroken. haha, kidding. impulsive, unpredictable, and...confusing i guess?

4. what is your favorite thing that you have ever read? (anything you’ve ever read counts! fanfiction, poems, novels etc.) why?

i don’t really have a favorite :(

5. are you the studying type of person or the type to just ‘wing it’ when you have a big test coming up?

i’m not really the type who studies regularly but i don’t walk into the exam room without reading at all. i read and study a few days before the exam, try to get as much information as possible.

6. between bold colors and pastel colors, which do you prefer?

i’d rather go with pastels in the day and bold neons at night.

7. do you live life in the moment or do you plan every action you take?

a bit of both depending on the situation. i’m the type who plans ahead on things that i really want to happen but i have my fair share of spontaneous, impulsive decisions that lead up to really fun experiences. but when it comes to life in general? i’m just taking in every day as it comes.

8. what is your favorite holiday and why? (all holidays count! across all religions and cultures 😄)

christmas. the weather is cool and everyone’s a bit kind during that time of the year. and it leads up to new year.

9. would you rather stay up to stargaze in the middle of the night or wake up early to watch the sunrise?

i can’t see stars even with glasses on because my eyes suck. so i guess, i’d rather watch the sunrise because that obnoxious ball of bright yellow light is so hard to miss. plus i like how the surroundings change colors as the night changes into day.

10. what is your favorite eye color on another person?

blue on a brunette? i know it’s rare but it’s such a beautiful mix.

my ten questions for you:

what’s your favorite season and why?

are you a cat person or a dog person?

what’s your current favorite song and why can’t you stop listening to it?

if you had the ability to do either of the following, would you rather change something in the past or see into the future?

what’s your favorite movie?

what did miss rona ruin for you this 2020?

what’s your favorite album? (you can name one for each genre you like or you can just name one, it’s up to you.)

if you could talk to your past self (person who lived your past life), what would you tell them?

do you have a go-to person? who is it?

if you could tell your younger self something, what would you say?

T H R E E

rule: bold the statements that apply to you, italicize your aspirations.

AIR ༉⋆͙̈

FIRE ༉⋆

WATER ༉⋆͙̈

EARTH ༉⋆͙̈

AETHER ༉⋆͙̈

F O U R

the ultimate tag: answer whichever ones you want to because there are a lot.

PERSONAL

name: althea

nickname: thea

birthday: april 27

zodiac: taurus

nationality: filipino

languages: filipino, english, learning korean

gender: female

sexuality: straight

height: 5’2”

BLOG STUFF

inspiration for muse: music

meaning behind my url: supposedly neocity but that was taken so :D

blog established: 2016/2015? but i only became active this 2020

followers: 35 :D hi <3

FAVORITES

favorite animal/s: cats :(

favorite book/s: warcross by marie lu

favorite color/s: black and skin-tone shades

favorite fictional characters: i don’t really have favorites, sorry

favorite flower: sunflowers

favorite scent: vanilla

favorite season: summer and fall or the tropical equivalents of these anw

RANDOM

average hours of sleep: 7-8

cats or dogs: cats

coffee, tea or hot chocolate: iced tea / hot chocolate

current time: 12:50 pm

dream trip: europe trip

dream job: i actually want to be a 5-star michelin

hobbies: writing, listening to music

hogwarts house: slythering

last movie watched: the darkest minds

last song listened to: sweet creature - harry styles

no. of blankets you sleep with: 1

random fact(s): i’m in both college and high school atm (august 5, 2020) because i haven’t graduated yet and my college a.y already started

F I V E

10 songs i can’t stop listening to:

just go - ikon

easy - stray kids

breathe - james arthur

lotto - exo

god’s menu - stray kids

inception - ateez

killing me - ikon

la la lost you - niki

dontmakemefallinlove - cuco

safe inside - james arthur

#toffee.txt #tumblr game #this was fun #but tiring #thank you for tagging me tho :D

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lasercruz · 4 years ago

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@quarterdollar fuck you and im sorry that i took so long to answer and i hope that im mostly coherent because i am. very tired as im typing this

1: Full name Nicky Jackie Marie Cruz !!

2: Age 21

3: 3 Fears Mold, tall heights if I’m not secured (like, I’m not scared of rollercoaster heights but I’m scared of like, cliffs), and balloons esp balloon animals

4: 3 things I love I love so many things uhh hh h. Jjba, adventure zone, and my friendssss 💞

I know turn ons/offs aren’t inherently sexual but i never know what to say for them so im skipping them :0

7: My best friend you 🥺🥺

8: Sexual orientation bi

9: My best first date ive never really been on a actual date :0

10: How tall am I 5′3

11: What do I miss being with my friends physically and just watching stuff or goofing around on the floor 😭

12: What time were I born 11:02pm

13: Favourite color Dark blues

14: Do I have a crush yes shh

15: Favourite quote there so much sappy quotes that are on uquizzes a lot that i like a lot the first that comes to mind is “ You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won’t tell you that he loves you, but he loves you.” and so on and also “if i loved you less i might be able to talk about it more”

16: Favourite place As far as just physically and not like people or other stuff that comes with with a place, I miss VT campus a lot tbh more than I thought I would. To pick a more specific place, the gazebo at the duck pond cause its where I’d go if I wanted to be alone or like if my roommate was sleeping or working and i didnt want to worry about being quite and it was always super peaceful

17: Favourite food I dont really have One favorite food it just depends what I’m in the mood for but my go to answer for favorite food category wise is either chinese or seafood

18: Do I use sarcasm Depends who I’m with ?? Generally no not often but if im close with someone and just goofin yeah

19: What am I listening to right now My love song playlist. its my go to thing to listen to cause my playlist with all my music has so much on it that i end up skipping half the songs until i find something im in the mood for and this one has a lot less that i end up skipping. the current song its on is day without you by keep for cheap

20: First thing I notice in new person It depends on the person like if they have something that stands out about them, thats what I tend to notice but like. How they carry themself i guess ? cause i feel like thats a easy way to get a read on somebody before talking to them

21: Shoe size 5 mens / 7 womans

22: Eye color Brown

23: Hair color Naturally dark brown but currently dyed black with rainbow bangs

24: Favourite style of clothing this question is on so many ask games and quizzes and I never know how to answer it cause i feel like i dont really have one specific style,, I like colorful and fun stuff i guess ?

25: Ever done a prank call? No and if you prank call a place of business youre annoying. i used to answer phones at work and we didn’t get them super often but GOD i hate prank callers

27: Meaning behind my URL emu is an old nickname and what i mainly went by until i settled on Nicky and this. is my blog.

28: Favourite movie Baby driver !!

29: Favourite song my go to answer for this is community gardens by the scary jokes

30: Favourite band THE SCARY JOKES

31: How I feel right now sleeby,,,,

32: Someone I love i love , my friendz ,, 🥺🥰

33: My current relationship status single ✌️

34: My relationship with my parents im close to my mom but i dont really get along with my dad ,

35: Favourite holiday Christmas !

36: Tattoos and piercing i have no tattoos, 3 piercings in each ear (2 on each earlobe and 1 on the top on each side)

37: Tattoos and piercing i want I want a interrobang on my wrist and an Aquarius symbol on my ankle and MAYBE the joestar birthmark, i wouldn’t mind more ear piercings and i want a septum piercing but ive seen videos of them getting done and they make me squirm i dont know if id go through with it

38: The reason I joined Tumblr sdklgkjgh i had a my little pony roleplay blog before i made my personal account

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? no we’re good friends !!

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? no not regularly at least

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? no

42: When did I last hold hands? my mom tried to hold my hand when i was half asleep on the couch the other day but like i was so out of it so like it was more our fingers together and the rest of my hand just loosely dangling so if that doesnt count, you

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? i give myself about 2 hours if im doing full makeup but thats purposefully longer than i need so i dont have to worry about rushing and i can relax and take my time

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? no i only shave them if they’re gonna be showing or if the Urge to be Smooth comes over me

45: Where am I right now? my room at home on my bed

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? probably Kaylie cause she doesn’t drink and i assume if im drunk with other friends there she’d be the only sober one

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? Reasonable, if i have it too loud i cant think so the only time i have my music loud is if im doing nothing and want to Not Think

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? Ye

49: Am I excited for anything? short term im excited for the ai crushes all banks stream tonight and long term im excited to move into our apartment

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? no im not a tell everything to someone type of person .

51: How often do I wear a fake smile? i smile most of the time like, at work (before we wore masks) id always be smiling to look nice and like. just in general if i want to Not Look Unhappy or whatever

52: When was the last time I hugged someone? my mom probably like, yesterday

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? ive never kissed any1 .

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? nope i don’t think i really trust easily so like this doesnt rlly happen,

55: What is something I disliked about today? i woke up late cause i was up late last night so ive been tired all day I dont like the feeling

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? language barriers aside itd be super cool to meet hirohiko araki

57: What do I think about most? Whatever media im currently most into so right now adventure zone and magnus archives

58: What’s my strangest talent? umm i dunno im kinda flexable i guess ? not like ~contortionist~ level but like enough that i can freak people out sometimes

59: Do I have any strange phobias? i mentioned balloons as a fear in an eariler question so yeah that but im a lot better about it than i used to be

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? in front tbh

61: What was the last lie I told? i was on phones for the last hour and a half of my shift on friday and like. when people call and ask if an item is in stock and i can’t confirm it i, just tell them its not. like, someone asked if we had a specific kayak and i usually just search the walmart app or run over to where itd be to check but the kayaks are to far for me to run to and the app said limited stock which usually means little to none so , i just put it on hold for a bit then tell him we’re out.

62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online? i like video chatting in theory cause its nice to see people visibly react to stuff but i tend to get too self conscious about how i look so i just do audio only

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? yes to both !! i am both

64: Do I believe in magic? yes in some ways i suppose

65: Do I believe in luck? yes im v superstitious

66: What’s the weather like right now? its a pretty good day its sunny but not too hot :oo

67: What was the last book I’ve read? its been ages since i last read a book in full 😔 i honestly dont knwo what the last one would of been 😔 😔

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? yes !!! love it

69: Do I have any nicknames? not anything i get consistently called no

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? ive never gotten super hurt that i can think of ??

71: Do I spend money or save it? save it

72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge? no

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me? doppio bean plush ,,,,

74: Favourite animal? hedgehogs!!!!

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? on my phone probably on tiktok or something waiting for jojo to come on toonami

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? I? dont think he has one i guess ??

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? butterflies by samsa but it makes me happy in the “im crying now” kinda way itss cute

78: How can you win my heart? just by being nice and respectful tbh ,

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? idk i dont really want anything fancy just my name (chosen name please god im so scared of dying and geting my birth name on my tombstone if that happens i WILL come back as a vengeful ghost) and my birth and death dates

80: What is my favorite word? saccharine

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr by my tumblr crushes (which its been YEARS since i looked at) ; frostios, 27names4tears, smollpurrito, happynaru, and warpedlamp

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? if we being real id just get so scared dsjkfsldjglg theres so much i could say i dont know :((

83: Do I have any relatives in jail? not ? that i know of

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? why are all the questions worded super basic except this one skdlskdjfj. Shape shifting

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? i can really think of anything really as long as a friend is asking i tend to answer truthfully ?

86: What is my current desktop picture? Sobble BUT this reminded me that i wanted to change it to a xenoblade pic so its this now :

90: Failed a class? no

91: Kissed a boy? no

92: Kissed a girl? no

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? no but oh god just thinking about that im 🥺🥺🥺🥺 id die id melt 🥺🥺

94: Had job? ye i was a cashier for a year in highschool and then i work in wamlart apparel in the summers

95: Left the house without my wallet? not when I know ill need it no, but ive left it home if im just going to a friend or family member’s house or i have my mom’s card or some cash in my pocket

96: Bullied someone on the internet? no !!

98: Played on a sports team? no lmao i dont do sports

99: Smoked weed? no

100: Did drugs? i had a weed brownie like once but it was such a small piece i didnt really feel anything

101: Smoked cigarettes? no

102: Drank alcohol? Ye

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? not currently i was vegan for a little bit to encourage a friend that was doing it though

104: Been overweight? no

105: Been underweight? no

106: Been to a wedding? yes three, my grandma’s when she got remarried, and both my brothers

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? probably yes lmao often

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? not TV TV but if netflix and the like count then yes

109: Been outside my home country? no :(

110: Gotten my heart broken? not ? really no

111: Been to a professional sports game? ive been to a handful of Yankee games

112: Broken a bone? no

114: Been to prom? yes i went to my highschool’s and a friend’s highschool’s my senior year

115: Been in airplane? no

116: Fly by helicopter? no

117: What concerts have I been to? none :((((

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? ye

119: Learned another language? i took 3 years of Spanish in high school but i wasn’t any good at it and dont really remember much of what i did learn

120: Wore make up? yes i do often :0

123: Dyed my hair? ye a lot

124: Voted in a presidential election? yes ever since iv been old enough to i vote

125: Rode in an ambulance? no

126: Had a surgery? dental surgery yes

127: Met someone famous? Not anyone i’d count no

128: Stalked someone on a social network? depends on what you count as stalking i guess but like not ever in a creepy way like ive been on people’s social media to find out stuff about them like. if theyre in a relationship or especially after highschool ill wonder about someone i havent talked to in awhile and ill see what theyve been up to and what theyre doing with their life and stuff

129: Peed outside? no

130: Been fishing? yes like once

131: Helped with charity? donation wise yes

132: Been rejected by a crush? ive never confessed to anyone and been rejected but once a friend told my crush i liked them and they confronted me about it and rejected me but it made me more mad at the friend that told them than it made me sad about being rejected because i knew it’d probably go like that and it justmade thing awkward between us for awhile 😔

133: Broken a mirror? ive broken the little mirrors inside eyeshadow pallets but i havent broken full ones

134: What do I want for birthday? usually just money lol or something thoughtful and cute

135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names? i aggresivly do NOT want kids BUT hypohetically Elliot or Xander for a boy and idk what i’d nam a girl

136: Was I named after anyone? no

137: Do I like my handwriting? its messy so no not really but if im writing something for myself like a not or whatever i dont mind as long as i can read it

138: What was my favourite toy as a child? even as a little kid i always played computer games but other than that, this guy :

139: Favourite Tv Show? Jojo

140: Where do I want to live when older? New york or japan

141: Play any musical instrument? i can kind of play harmonica

142: One of my scars, how did I get it? i burnt my thumb kinda bad on the oven a while ago its still kinda healing but right now it looks like its gonna stay a scar

143: Favourite pizza toping? i like everything/suprieme pizza but if i have to pick one single topping pepperoni

144: Am I afraid of the dark? yes :((

145: Am I afraid of heights? mentioned it earlier but yes if im not strapped in or secured etc

146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? no im so scared of being caught doing something bad that i just. dont

147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? i mean yes but thats life babey

149: What my greatest achievments are ive gotten awards for grades and stuff but that boring BUT i got the english department award or whatever that was called im very proud of that

151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery i donate some and save the rest tbh

152: What do I like about myself i can be pretty sometimes 👉👈 im cute or whateva ,,,

153: My closest Tumblr friend i dont really havent “tumblr friends” aside from friends i know irl and also tey have tumblrs ,,

154: Something I fantasise about just. growing up and having my own place maybe with someone and. being comfortable and okay and not having to worry ,,

155: Any question you’d like? dkfjhdskhf japan :000

#ask #mine

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spnfanficpond · 5 years ago

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November Angel Fish Awards

Every month all of you fantastic writers work your asses off to post some truly incredible stories. Our Angel Fish Awards are the way for all of us, as a community of writers and readers, to lift each other up and give praise to those who have captured our attention and deserve a few kind words.

The monthly Angel Fish Awards are peer-nominated, meaning ANYONE IN THE POND CAN NOMINATE ANY POND MEMBER’S FIC. While the Pond was founded to support the Guppies, everyone in this community deserves to be showered with love and feedback, and we hope that by opening this up as a Pond wide system, we’ll be able to share the love as far as it can go.

NOTE: WE’VE BEEN HAVING OCCASIONAL PROBLEMS WITH ASKS GOING MISSING. Please use the Submit button when submitting your nominations and make sure you’re signed into Tumblr or your URL won’t show. (If the form asks for your name and email address, then you’re not signed in.) If you like, you can also send a message to Michelle or Mana to check and make sure we got your submission.

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, HERE ARE NOVEMBER’S ANGEL FISH AWARDS!

Nominated by @deanwinchesterswitch

One And One Make Three (series) by @supernatural-jackles

This series was absolutely stunning, beautifully written, and an amazing rollercoaster of emotion. Jen handled some very sensitive subject matters with grace and wit. It has ALL the feels; I cried, laughed, and loved right along with the characters.

Nominated by @manawhaat

Heart Of A Killer (series) by @wi-deangirl77

I love, love, LOVE, this series! The storytelling is done so simply but so effectively. Things come together beautifully and the dialogue throughout the series (and largely in ch.3) has an incredible flow and easiness to it. This tells you the story without all the bullshit but definitely with all the juicy drama and Ketch-i-ness that an Arthur Ketch lover could want.

The Right Kind Of Wrong (oneshot) @kittenofdoomage

I’m a slut for a Winchester sandwich and this one delivers. It’s Rhi. Just fucking read it and thank her for existing, okay?

Castiel Imagine (oneshot) by @webcricket

I don’t read too much Castiel because, even though I love him, I have a hard time finding authors who nail his character the way I want to read him but Cricket always gets him spot on! This is light-hearted, flirty, sweet, and hints at sexy. Plus, a flustered Dean is never not funny.

Nominated by @lovetusk

It All Started With Some Itching Powder (series) by @iflostreturntosteverogers

You’ve got to love brotherly banter and prank war aftermath.

When You Fall (series) by @flamencodiva

I stumbled across this bad boy by accident and totally forgot I was suppose to be writing / editing because it sucked me in so good and I ended up binging all the chapters.

Nominated by @princessmisery666

Sam’s Holiday Fluff (oneshot) by @crispychrissy

This one made my heart smile. It was sweet and the characters were on point. It was nice to read Sam getting a happy moment ;)

Just Friends (oneshot) by @crashdevlin

This one was painful but I still want more. I need part 2. Which is a testament to the awesome writing and the awesomely wicked idea ;-)

Like Art, Like Fire (series) by @fangirlxwritesx67

I loved this. Love me some Sam anyway, but this was perfect. There were so many lines that had me swooning but one of my favs was - “Your bodies looked like art, lascivious art. In his grasp you were comfortable and beautiful and utterly shameless.”

Love it!!

Nominated by @thoughtslikeaminefield

I Believe That Strippers Are The Future (oneshot) by @cherry3point14

Everything Cherry Pie writes is so funny until it’s suddenly hot. This one’s particularly hilarious and then scorching.

The Crumbling Difference Between Wrong and Right by @stusbunker

I joked that I was no longer talking to Stuart Marie (not her name, but that’s what I call her) after she wrote this and sent it to me, but I kid. That said it’s fucking heartbreaking, and her words and arrangement thereof are so beautiful I wanna cry.

Not All Mutants Are Monsters (oneshot) by @negans-lucille-tblr

I sent this prompt to Bethany Elizabeth (not her name, but that’s what I call her) and never thought she’d take it. Alas, it is written and it is DIVINE. I lovvvvvvve Wanda + Dean + Natasha. Ugh, so much.

Rambling (series) by @crispychrissy

The characterizations, the goddess, Dean. LOL I love this fic. It’s sassy (I was actually picturing the latest incarnation of Lillith as the goddess) and suspenseful and just balls out fun.

Need (oneshot) by @rockhoochie

This is cozy and sexy and so gratifying. This is exactly what Dean (and we all) needed after the Michael debacle.

Nominated by @mrswhozeewhatsis

Anything You Can Do (oneshot) by @kittenofdoomage

Just good old-fashioned smut with both brothers that just hits the spot. It’s like Thanksgiving dinner. This is comfort food for the fangirl libido!

Dad Gets Awkward About These Things (oneshot) by @fictionalabyss

This is so adorable! Awkward Dad!Dean, suave and all-knowing Uncle Sam, this is perfect!

You’ve Got Me Begging (series) by @negans-lucille-tblr

Holy SHIT this shit is the SHIT, man. It’s got everything! Smut with all three Winchesters, plus tender moments with Sam, F/F for those who are into that, kinks galore, and intrigue, to boot! The plot twist in the most recent chapter has me completely flabbergasted. I really didn’t see that one coming!! Just, you know, HOLY SHIT!!!

Start of Something Good (series) by @tricia-16

It took me a while to narrow this down to just one fic of Tricia’s to nominate now that she’s a member of the Pond, but I finally settled on this one. It’s got Dad!Cas, toddler Claire being adorable as hell, lots of delicious angst for Dean and Cas to work through, and all the pining! I love to hate it when they just need to accept that it’s all good, but they can’t quite, yet, so they PINE. Tricia’s stories are so REAL, and it’s so refreshing. There’s some violence in this one you might not like, so check the tags!

Crash Into Me (series) by @crashdevlin

Some folks don’t like OFCs, but I love them, and this series is definitely worth reading, even if you don’t! I’m rooting for a happy ending for Crash! And Dean’s trying so hard. This one hurts so good!

Nominated by @littlehotmess26

Dear Santa (oneshot) by @sorenmarie87

She did a great job on this fic after taking a little break and I am so proud of her! This fic is so cute with Dean writing a letter to the big man in red!

The Mobster’s Girl (series) by @fictionalabyss

Mel has worked extremely hard on this set of series and it shows. It’s well thought out and executed. Her writing grabs you and takes you along for an incredible ride!

Nominated by @wingedcatninja

Hark And Hush (oneshot) by @thoughtslikeaminefield

I’m not usually that much into purgatory!Dean, but this fic is a hauntingly dark delve into Dean’s mind. It made me feel emotions, and that’s what a good fic is supposed to do.

Thank you all for the awesome work and great feedback!

As with the BFAs, these are not actual awards! This system is set up so everyone in the pond has a chance to share the love and promote a fic/author that has grabbed your attention. The more people that participate, and the more everyone remembers to submit their own fics after posting, the better this will be :D

THANK YOU ALL AGAIN, KEEP UP THE AMAZING WORK, AND AS ALWAYS, HAPPY WRITING!

#afa masterlist #spnfanficpond #angel fish awards #spn fanfic #spn fic rec #supernatural fanfiction

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masterofthelivingforce · 5 years ago

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meet a cute wild mun!

name: Holly middle name "NO!” gender: female star sign: Libre height: 1,69m (hey Richard we’re the same height!) sexuality: bisexual favourite animal: coyote house: Slytherin (I knew you were a Lion goddamn) sleep: because of quarantine, I get 8-9 hours. I òove it. time: 17:28pm as I answer this question dogs or cats: dogs grab one book nearest to you and turn to page 23. what’s line 17? ‘My point is that if you want to understand human sexual response, then studying animals is probably not the most productive way to go about it’ OK so I cheated this is 3 lines but I wanted to give context xD ever had a poem or a song written about you? yes. crackish hilarious ones. when was the last time you played air guitar? Ah, never! Instruments and me don’t mix. I sing offkey all the time tho put your itunes whatever on shuffle. what are the first 6 songs that popped up? or go to your spotify ‘recently played’ and pick one song from the 6 artists/albums/playlists you listened to Look, I listened on repeat to the album “Death of a Bachelor” by Panic! At the Disco. I’ll just own up to it. I know it all by heart. dream job: Uh. I actually like my job! well when I find a new one I’ve been laid off because of the plague why I made a tumblr: my first tumblr is @redhothollyberries, my art blog. I made my first RP blog @i-am-no-doll because the friend who’d started me on rping (we used to do it on MSN oh god I’m old) told me that Tumblr rocked. So it’s all her fault. blankets you sleep with: A thick duvet. I’m so cold during the night! reasons for my url: Well, Qui-Gon is knows as a Jedi who leans heavily towards the Living Force, so.... who is your celebrity crush? *snorts* of the week? Kate Beckinsale. what’s a sound you hate; sound you love? Hate: the beep of my microwave Love: a cat purring do you believe in ghosts? nah how about aliens? yah do you drive? oh yes. Like a bat outta hell. if so, have you ever crashed? Ya, on my motorbike. it really really wasn’t because I drove as a bat out of hell, honest. I was innocent. what was the last book you read? The book mentioned above: “Bonk” by Mary Roach, a hilarious book about human sexuality do you like the smell of gasoline? yes what was the last movie you saw? The Lord of the Rings! what’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? Motorbike accident of above. I paid my tribute of a pint of blood and a pound of flesh to the God of Asphalt. do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? Nope. My memory is too short to hold grudges. in a relationship? ehhhhhhhh. I have my eyes on a girl who might like me? I hope???? tagged by: @epicballads (well I stole it but it still counts)

tagging: @therapardalis @darksidewalker @startrailed everyone who wants to do it!

#about the mun

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myukulelegentlyweeps · 5 years ago

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Nowhere Man - Part III

A/n : Okay so I guess you could say in comparison with what I’ve written so far this is pretty angsty? I struggle with anxiety, and I thought it would be nice to write about how George would handle it and be all sweet about it so here it is. If you don’t like angsty stuff / you find descriptions of panic attacks triggering, you can just skip right along to the next part. Don’t worry, all in all it's pretty fluffy anyway

Warnings : Descriptions of anxiety, of a panic attack

Word count : 1455

SPECIAL THANKS TO @1968georgeharrison who beta-read and helped with the editing (also she has an amazing url, 1968 George is one of my favourite Georges ; go follow her, her blog is great)

“Mary, I’m going now!”, hand on the doorknob, you made one last call to your roommate, who was sitting in your living room flipping through the pages of a magazine - the cover read, amongst other things, a small title in red letters, “Beatles to break up soon?”, which saddened you in spite of yourself. They were half the world population’s favourite band - that included you - and it was not going to be easy to let go of these years of charisma and great music. The four lads had practically defined an era and Lord knows it’s hard for people to move on ; if any of them tried to carry on with a solo career, it was safe to say the “Beatle” title would follow them around.

It was not only the press’ suppositions. George himself had told you about Paul’s desperate efforts to delay the inevitable, which was ultimately making into more of a bossy asshole than anything. What had once been The Great Beatles was now falling apart into a strange combo of four tired men being passive-aggressive toward each other as Yoko waltzed around the studio eating his biscuits. George was very fussy about his biscuits. All jokes aside, you saw how tense and irritable he was when he left the sessions, and for that a part of you was hoping Let It Be would be their last album. You cared about him too much to watch him suffer in this manner.

“Off to see loverboy then?”, she looked up from her reading, an obvious smirk painted across her face as she continued : “Don’t forget what I -” “I know, I know, get an autograph for your little sister whose birthday is coming up.” you cut in mid-sentence. “She’s cute and I’ll do what I can. But you’ll owe me big time, you’re putting me in a very awkward position here.” Usually people do not have to ask their friend/love interest for an autograph. It did not help that you were already somewhat nervous about meeting him that afternoon. You were unsure where the two of you stood : you had not seen each other since the night of the kiss and, though said kiss had meant the world to you, you could not just assume it was the case for him. Sometimes a kiss is just a kiss.

You closed the door behind you and made your way down the staircase, taking deep breaths as you felt the anxiety beginning to rise in your throat. It saddened you - normally the perspective of seeing George made you happy, cheerful, bouncy even. Why did your brain do this to you? Once you had exited your building you started pacing hastily, eyes fixed on the sidewalk, trying to keep your vision from blurring. Maybe the nerves would fade once you got there.

They did not. In fact, they got worse. It was not so much George himself, whom you had greeted with an awkward ‘I don’t know whether we are friends or something more’ hug - he was smiling at you and being kind as always. But you wondered over and over again, Should I ask him for the autograph now? Should I wait a little? What will he think of me, he’ll get annoyed… and once your anxiety had been triggered, you knew your chances of calming down completely were slim. The coffee shop seemed to be louder than ever before. You were hyper-aware of every small noise, a customer speaking, a machine’s whistle, a teaspoon stirring sugar into a warm drink, and this diabolical orchestra of overlapping instruments played in your head like a class of kindergartners trying to decide on who gets to play with the all-favourite toy.

“Are you alright there (y/n)? Y’look a bit pale.”, he placed his hand on your upper arm, a mix of doubt and worry in his brown eyes, sensing your distress. “I’m fine…”, you said weakly. Your eyes shifted back to the queue in front of you : it suddenly appeared immense, as if the counter were miles away. Your heart pounded in your chest at a speed that almost scared you. You knew what you had to do, you knew what the healthy thing to do was. But could you tell him? So early on, you barely knew him, what would he think? Would it be oversharing? Would he judge you? What if he didn’t understand and- “(y/n). You’re shivering. Are you sure yer okay?”, his voice echoed once again in your ears, half-mixing with the rest of the cacophony. The wave emerged from the darkest depths of your head and you realised it too late to be able to stop it in time : tears started streaming down your cheeks uncontrollably. Of course your anxiety only increased, as it was the first time you were crying in front of him and your brain tortured you with assumptions about his opinion of you. He hates me now. I’ve ruined everything. Not that he ever liked me anyway, he just pitied me ; how did I ever think I could be good enough for him, a Beatle, for heaven’s sake… Your ears had now been completely detached of the coffee shop and were filled to the brim with your accelerated breaths. Seeing yourself shake only frightened you more ; you closed your eyes to shut every possible further trigger out.

While your panic unravelled, George stood next to you ; very concerned at first, he then seemed to realise something and his expression shifted slightly. He knew what this was. A friend of his suffered from anxiety, and he had been there during two of his panic attacks. Of course he was no expert, but at least he knew something about how he could help. He remembered his friend telling him that any additional stimuli during a panic attack, when the person is at her most fragile and vulnerable, was to be avoided ; he also understood, however, that he needed to get you out of the coffee shop before you could begin to calm down. He supposed touching you counted as a stimulus, but he could not think of another way : he reached to gently grasp your hand and led you outside without a word. You followed him almost subconsciously, too overwhelmed to comprehend what he was doing. Once you were out on the sidewalk and two cars drove by at full speed, he figured the city streets were not the ideal setting and, after a few seconds of hesitation, guided you toward the zebra crossing, still holding your hand.

Soon enough, you reached a bench in a very peaceful Hyde Park, where London’s busy streets felt like a bad dream you had finally woken up from. You hastily dried your eyes with the back of your sleeve, feeling significantly better - your breathing, at least, had slowed down. But your brain was still rushing and, according to it, the worst was yet to come. You would have to explain what happened to somebody you cared deeply about, whose judgement you feared above all others. You were trying to delay it by staring at your feet intently, but eventual confrontation of the problem was inevitable.

George was the first to break the silence : “Are you better, love?”. You nodded slowly in response, trying to work out an acceptable string of words of reassurance in your head. “I’m so sorry, George, I...I just…” Happy to hear your voice again, he gave you a small smile. “It’s okay (y/n), really, you don’t have to explain or justify anything.” “But I do.”, you replied with a slightly shaky voice. “No, you really don’t. I know what it is, a friend of mine ’s’got it too. That’s why I brought you to the park, thought it might help to get you away from the sensory overload of the city. Plus it doesn’t even matter what it is, I’m just glad you’re okay now.” After a short silence, he grinned mischievously and added : “Does it count as overstimulation if I kiss you?” Still a bit shaken, you nevertheless decided to go along with the attempt to lighten the mood. “I don’t know...I’d have to get back to you on that, but trying it is the only way to know, innit?” His smile widened and your lips joined into a sweet kiss which gave you the wonderful feeling of butterflies in your stomach, just like the first time. Which reminded you :

“George, I’m sorry to say this now, I guess it isn’t the best time but I have to know...What are we?”

“Well, again, I don’t know if it counts as overstimulation ; but I would love to ask you to be my girlfriend.”

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destielfanfic · 5 years ago

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Group Ask #178, part 1

Relevant links to find lost fic

previous group asks

spnstoryfinders

Guide to Finding Fic

Guide to Finding Lost Fic

Ask # ( @sototallybuggin): there’s this fic…#1

I'm looking for a fic that maybe had cicadas in the title? Idk it had missouri moseley in it and i think it was like dean was living with her? i read it a million years ago so it's really fuzzy. but it was really good and maybe it had pie in the title? either way bugs were somehow important to the theme of the fic.

Ask #2 ( @happiisandee): there’s this fic…#2

Hello! I'm looking for an AU fic where Dean is a young hunter ( I think a teenager). He gets kidnapped by Castiel. Castle still has wings, but he's kind of like an incubus like creature and he turns Dean into one as well because he can't mage with a human he says it's like being with an animal so he has to turn Dean into the same creature as Cas so that they can be equals. Don't know the name at all or if the fic is deleted or not.

Ask #3 ( @fly-off-to-the-clouds ): there’s this fic…#3

Hi!! I’m looking for a specific fic! High school au, dean struggles with alcoholism, he ends up nearly drowning and cas pulls him out and resuscitates him. Cas is part of a really controlling family and dean teaches him to rebel. Mary & John are alive and both good parents (sorry I’m just trying to think of anything identifiable) cas ends up tutoring dean to help him get his grades up as well

Found by @thebloggerbloggerfun : Jump the Track by lafleurdumai85

Ask #4 ( @helium99 ): there’s this fic…#4

Hiii✨ I’m looking for a dragon!castiel & soulmate fic, from what I remember it starts with sam accidentally bumping into dean in a supermarket and dean freaks out and runs away. (cas and dean meet in a bar after sam left for Stanford) Other details: -sam/jess -dean & cas buy an island - dragons live a long life but once they find their soul mate they grow old and follow them to the after life

Ask #5( @kindaweirdestiel5sos ): there’s this fic…#5

so i read this fic before in which dean and sam are both bi and they run away from their dad and go to another city and they meet cas and gabe in a gay bar and dean dates cas and sam dates gabe and gabe owns a desserts business and cas is a librarian.

Ask #6 ( @lac0rneille): there’s this fic…#6

I’m looking for a story that I first read on AO3. Dean works as a barista in a coffeehouse run by Ellen with Sam, Jessica, Charlie, Kevin, etc. Cas comes in after a run, he’s staying w/Gabe (his brother) who makes him walk to work. Cas & Dean flirt, calling each other the wrong names, slow burn etc. Dean’s in an abusive relationship with a guy his family hates. Cas & Dean fall in love and Cas helps him get out after the guy assaults him. Is this ringing any bells? It’s such a good story! Thanks!

Ask #7 (anon 1): there’s this fic…#7

Hey! There’s a fic i’m looking for where dean and cas are neighbors (cas just moved in) it’s real world AU, cas is a runner, and i’m pretty sure gabriel is a baker or coffee shop owner, and dean is a mechanic, somewhere in the fic dean is locked out of the house and moans while eating pie, and cas thinks he’s having sex

Ask #8 ( @obsessionsofafashionnerd): there’s this fic…#8

Hi Hi. I am hoping you can help me find a fic I read a while back. Cas falls and becomes human. BUT he is reborn as a child names Thomas (Tomas?) and has to grow up without Dean. As a teen he starts to hunt and feels like something is missing. He sets out in search of Dean. Dean who had given up hope is shocked to see a 20 year version of Cas. Any ideas?

Found by @helianthus21:

Second Chances by jhoom [M, 38,000 word count]

When Castiel falls, truly and completely, he finds himself reborn human. This is his journey as he navigates his way through humanity and, ultimately, back to Dean.

Ask #9 ( @another-fangirl-19): there’s this fic…#9

Hey! Looking for a lost fic. Cas tells Sam that he likes Dean, so Sam tries to help. He introduces Cas to pie and then teaches him how to slow dance, but Dean sees and misunderstands it, so when Cas is ready to tell him, Dean mistakes it for Cas asking for his blessing. One line he says is ‘I can’t give you what you want.’ I don’t remember where I read it though. In the end they do get together though.

If any of our followers have anything to suggest, drop it in our ask box (mention which ask you are talking about by number or bolded title). Our anon is switched off for good, if you know the lost fic but don’t want your url to appear on this list, let us know and we will call you an anon! If you don’t see your ask here, it is because we have quite a few in the inbox. Thanks!!

~ Hey guys, sorry for delay! This summer was incredibly busy for both mods and lost fic Group Ask was left unattended. We did answer privately when we knew the answer, so, these are all the rest. ~

#Group asks #asks #there's this fic #there's this fic...

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you-andthebottlemen · 6 years ago

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53 - Request: OVERLAP song fic

So to celebrate the fact I am seeing Catfish tomorrow ahhhhhhhh!!!!! An Overlap fic!!!!!!!

Based on these requests:

From @chestinfect-me

YES! AN OVERLAP FIC PLEASE😭😭😭❤❤❤❤

From @cinnamonmouse8

Idk if you've already done this but maybe a cute little fic where the reader is at home just chilling, maybe like washing up or something and she's blasting Catfish's new album and singing along very offkey and muddling up words but then Van walks in and he thinks it's the cutest, maybe? Such a fan of ur fics either way ❤️

Thank you so much @chestinfect-me for your support! I recognise your URL from waaaay back. Thanks so much for sticking around. I love you and also your icon. Also a big thank you to @cinnamonmouse8 who has been a massive supporter of my writing recently and really inspired me to get back into it! I hope you both like this fic and how I have incorporated/interpreted the requests! Also hope it’s not too confusing lol. It’s a looong one and I’m not really sure how I feel about it.....Aaaanyway. Enjoy!!!!

E x

***************************

Your relationship with Van was brief in the scheme of things but that didn’t make it any less serious. You fell fast and hard and your heart broke in two when you had to go your separate ways. You were in love, but things just weren’t working with his lifestyle and yours combined. Same old story really. It was devastating for you both, but you knew that at the time it was the right thing to part ways. You just weren’t meant to be. Time passed and things managed to heal. You dated other people and so did he, your time together started to become history. Neither of you harboured resentment, it was mutual. You stayed in touch here and there but nothing serious. You moved on.

Though as if you were two magnets with the widest of electromagnetic fields, you and Van always managed to find your way back to each other in the end. Every time you thought it was going to be a goodbye, it never was. Your paths crossed and your lives overlapped in more ways than one.

First time since the breakup –

A chance happening, a string pulled by the universe. The odds that you and Van were walking down the same street, at the same time in opposite directions were next to none. But it happened anyway. The look of recognition dawning on both your faces after a few seconds as your eyes met when you passed each other by. Awkward hugs and smiles of disbelief.

“How’ve you been?”

“Yeah good, you?”

“Yeah, fine thanks. How’s the band going?”

And a promise to call that was never fulfilled.

Your cousin’s engagement party –

Van McCann and Larry Lau; the guests no one thought would show. Old school friends of your cousin, they were invited out of chance. But they were there. They bounced through the door, life of the party anywhere they went. People enveloped them into hugs and burst into smiles like nothing you’d ever seen. They were hardly ever home these days; had to sell their cottage in Chester and everything you’d been told. Van made his way to you of course, having no trouble at all pulling you away from the rigmarole of such events. The rest of the party disappeared and so did the time that had escaped between you. You and he caught up like old friends and it was good, warm and right. You lingered at the back of the party in the shadows under the glowing fairy lights, talking and sharing stories of how life had been. You had time to take each other in and evaluate how time had changed you both; it hadn’t much. You thought about bringing up the past, talking about where it went wrong. But you and Van laughed as if nothing bad had ever happened between you and you didn’t want to ruin that. The party went on, you caught up with Larry too. You ate, danced, drank and all the while Van made sure to keep your champagne glass topped up, then got you back home safely in a taxi when the night came to a close.

The wedding –

You somehow ended up bridesmaid, your dress was far too pink for your liking and with too many frills. When you walked up the aisle, bouquet in hand, you couldn’t help but picture your own wedding; if you’d ever have one. As you did so, your eyes fell on Van who was sat in the middle with his mother. You could see even from there that his suit wasn’t pressed, and his tie was a little skew-whiff. Your stomach rippled with a feeling you weren’t sure of and he smiled as you passed him. You looked away. At the reception, once again, Van found you and things began to pick up where they’d left off. It all came easily. Van complemented your dress, you spoke with Mary and you introduced Van to your new boyfriend. Both of you acted like none of this was weird at all. It was just life. Your life.

…………..

One meeting in particular changed things. You had found yourself back home in the small town you wanted nothing more to do with. Reasons for being there aside, the universe wanted you there and wanted Van there too.

You’d escaped your dreary house for some air and were sat inside a shelter similar to that at a bus stop. It stood right on the edge of the beach where the pebbles started and led down to the water. From here you had a view out across the whole straight, flat shoreline. It was windy as hell; your hair blew around your face and you were too zoned out to hold it down or fix it. The sky was grey and so was the water, mirroring how you felt. Down and out. Life was taking its toll.

Staring out into the choppy, angry ocean, you hardly noticed as a figure sat beside you. People walked their dogs along the promenade here all the time, so company wasn’t unusual. But when the person reached a long arm out around your shoulders, you turned and saw that it was Van McCann, of all people. You leant into his touch without a thought and he pulled you close.

You didn’t have the mental capacity to wonder or ask why he was there or how he’d found you.

“You alright, love?” he asked, you didn’t reply.

You didn’t want to tell him about your sick aunt or your job that was desperately close to falling apart or the end to yet another relationship and he didn’t make you. He just took your cold, shaking hands in his own to warm them up and told you ridiculous stories from tour until you cracked a smile. Once he’d cheered you up a little, you both walked along the promenade past all the beach front hotels that were shut up for the winter. You shared memories from growing up and agreed that it was strange to be back there together.

Van walked you home and hugged you tight at the door.

“Are we like, friends now?” you asked softly as you pulled away.

All your run in’s with Van over the last year had left you at somewhat of a no man’s land. You weren’t sure if you were friends yet, but you weren’t just acquaintances either. You didn’t know what to make of it.

You reached out to smooth the thin gold necklace against his chest that had become wonky after your embrace.

“Yeah, y/n. We’re friends,” he replied. Then kissed you on the forehead and guided you inside with an arm around your waist.

…………

Eventually Van was settled, he seemed to have found a place. Maybe an Airbnb you weren’t sure. But he was near enough to you that you could meet up for drinks and whatever else. You grew closer, seeing each other a couple of times when he was off tour and things worked out with both your schedules.

The local pub was buzzing with energy. You could hear all the noise from your small flat above. When you came down, people were sat in crowded groups for a quiz, other’s more low-key up at the bar, some were huddled playing pool. You sat in a corner on a small, sticky sofa waiting for Van. You alternated between scrolling through pointless apps on your phone, sipping your drink and glancing at the door for the tall, skinny legged boy you were waiting for.

Finally, he moseyed through the door and plonked himself down beside you.

“Sorry I’m late,” Van said as he leant to kiss your cheek hello. “Phone’s fucked again too.”

“It’s fine, here. You’re gonna have to catch me up I’ve gotten through two of these,” you said as you pushed him a beer bottle across the coffee table. Beer table? He grinned, up for the challenge.

A night of thoughtless drinking ensued. Quickly, you and Van were slurring your words and getting a little closer than friends should. You sat tucked beside Van on the grimy sofa with your bare legs stretched out across his lap and his hands draped over them, rubbing soft circles on your skin with his thumb.

“Do you ever think about like, us?” he asked nonchalantly. He tipped his head back a little and the sharp line of his jaw became more pronounced.

“You mean when we dated?”

Van nodded. You rested your head down on his shoulder with a sigh. Your brain was too fuzzy to be talking about this.

“Why?”

“Did we fuck up by ending it?” he questioned.

His voice sounded strange and cloudy. You could feel his body tense beneath you and you knew he meant this more as a statement, despite putting it out there as a question.

“Don’t know. But hey, we’re here now,” you tried to sooth and steer the topic away from something so serious. You were friend’s now; you didn’t want to ruin that. You didn’t want to lose him again.

“Yeah,” he agreed, moving in his seat and bundling you tighter in his lap.

“And we are drunk as all fuck,” you laughed.

“It’s pretty sound hey?” he smiled, giving in to your attempt at lightening the mood. You nodded happily, scrunching up your face at him a little.

Van suddenly stood, lifting you up like a bride and you squealed and threw your arms around his neck.

“I’m not gonna drop ya’ love,” he chuckled, sensing your fear

“Are you sure?” you whispered into his neck.

“I’ve got you y/n, always.”

………..

Going out and getting drunk with Van became somewhat of a routine when he was home. Same place, same time, same amount of fucked. He’d go from his place, to work, to yours almost on a loop. ‘Yours’ being the pub. Another thing that became a habit, was Van bringing up your past. You were both intoxicated every time and you’d almost always end up just laughing about it. Though you couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something serious behind his words. You never talked about it sober; that topic was strictly reserved for drunk Van and drunk y/n.

A few months since the last time, you found yourself once again in the local with Van. The only thing different this time, was that Larry and Bondy had joined you.

“So, what’s happening up in The Toon?” you asked Bondy, mocking his Geordie accent.

“Nothing much,” he shrugged, sipping his lager and ignoring your bait. “Went to a good gig at The Cluny the other week though.” he added, referring to a small gig venue he was always at when back home in Newcastle.

“Anything new with you?” Bondy asked. You crinkled your eyebrows to think, then shook your head no in response.

“You sure?” he questioned, nodding his head towards Van’s arm that hung over your shoulders.

“We’re just friends,” you answered quickly.

“Riiiight,” Larry chimed in sarcastically as he came over with a tray of drinks.

You and Van shifted together uncomfortably. He removed his arm and this small act made your stomach twist. Bondy and Larry exchanged a look.

Later on in the night, Van escaped outside for a smoke while the other two played pool. Having no interest in the game, you took Larry’s jacket and followed him out into the cold night. He was stood outside the pub just by the door, his back leant against the bricks.

“You’ll dirty your coat,” you told him, as you leant beside him.

“You’ll dirty Larry’s,” he countered.

“Touché.”

Van smoked in silence, the noise from inside the pub was muffled and the only other sound was the occasional car driving past. You weren’t really sure what was going on. Neither of you were as drunk as usual and things didn’t feel as fun, alcohol aside.

“Is everything okay?” you asked, crossing your arms and turning to face him.

Van dropped his cigarette and squished it under his boot with a sigh. He swatted a moth out of his face, and you let out an exhale in place of a laugh.

“Yeah. I mean…I dunno’ I just have stuff on my mind.”

Van ran a hand through his hair then shoved it into his pocket. Seeing him like this made you uneasy. You didn’t like being serious with Van. Deciding against questioning him further, you stayed quiet and gave him space to think and continue when he was ready.

“I know we talk about it and joke about it when we’re fucked. But I just can’t get it out my head,” he began, pulling away from the wall and sounding frustrated with himself.

Your heart lurched. No, Van, stop. Please.

“Have you really not thought about it? Trying again?” he questioned, his eyes snapping to yours pleadingly.

You had thought about it, but not seriously. You’d tried once and it didn’t work; you’d accepted that. You were friend’s now and that was going just fine. The idea of being in a relationship with Van again, unearthing all the things you once felt, seemed like the scariest thing in the world.

Van’s eyes stared intensely into your own, waiting for a response of some sort. You didn’t know what to say. He looked anxious. When you didn’t reply his eyes began to dart around your face desperately trying to read your blank expression.

“Do you want to be with me y/n?”

The words fell from his mouth quietly and you reeled.

“I- I can’t decide all this now. Not in one night,” you replied, leaning further back into the wall and shutting your eyes to calm yourself. Your mind was racing a million miles an hour.

Van sighed and moved closer to place a warm hand on your cheek.

“Take all the time you need y/n, you know I’ll follow your lead.”

Van led you back inside without another world, telling himself that you’d be together eventually if your path’s kept crossing like they had been. He had no doubt about it.

………

You hadn’t spoken to Van much after the conversation outside the pub. He’d left for tour once again and you’d gotten a new job that kept you busy. You were happier in this one too and the pay was better. This meant that in the three months Van had spent away, he returned home to find you in the midst of moving.

He’d called you just before his flight, saying he needed to talk once he was back. He sounded serious, like he had that night he asked you to be with him. You knew he wanted to work it out once and for all. Your body filled with anxiety yet again, but you agreed to meet in the pub downstairs at lunch time two days after he got back.

You were sweaty haired and stressed out by the time it was midday and you had to go see Van. There were boxes littered around the tiny flat, your possessions spread out across the floor and some boxes in the stair well that you’d managed to drag out. You honestly didn’t know how you’d accumulated so much stuff. After taking a final glance at your not so pleasant reflection in the mirror, you thought fuck it. Van wouldn’t care how you looked anyway.

He was sitting on the sofa in the back corner, your usual spot. Dressed in his usual black skinny jeans and black denim jacket. God, you really were both such creatures of habit. His mouth twisted into a smile when he saw you and he stood to hug you hello. He pulled away leaving his hands rested on your shoulders.

“You alright?” he asked, confused at the state of you.

“Yeah, packing. Moving,” you shrugged as he looked you up and down. “Gotta be out tomorrow morning.”

Van nodded and let his arms drop.

“I can help, if you want?” he offered.

“Sure. Thanks,” you smiled. “But first, what did you wanna talk about?” You knew full well what he wanted to talk about, but you acted ignorant in hopes of putting it off for as long as possible.

“Oh, yeah,” he shook his head as if he’d forgotten. “You know what? Doesn’t matter, just wanted to see ya. How about we go get on with those boxes?”

Van followed you up the stairs to your place. It was strange that he’d somehow never been up there before after the countless nights you’d spent together downstairs. Would the pub still be your meeting place once you moved?

He glanced around the room curiously, eyeing the boxes already packed and the possessions that still lay strewn about the place.

“You weren’t kiddin’ when you said small,” he commented.

The ‘flat’ you rented was a single room with a small kitchen, dining table, bed and shelves all in the one space with a tiny bathroom set off to the side in what may as well have been a cupboard. It was simple but it had worked.

“Yeah, well not all of us have rock star pay checks,” you teased, and Van stared back at you unamused.

“Right. Well I’m currently packing all my books, clothes, whatever. If you could like, pull apart the table and chairs that would be incredible.”

Van nodded and slid out of his jacket. He threw it down on top of a box and pushed up his sleeves before turning to the dining table. You could tell he was a little confused about where to start and what to do but you just watched as he pottered about. It was cute. His face quickly turned to a look of concentration as he sorted through the tool box you had beside it. He began to take out the screws in a chair bit by bit. It was only Ikea stuff so not too difficult.

Something about seeing him be so...domestic…caused memories of your relationship to resurface. Things that you’d not thought about in a long time, that were as good as buried in your mind, suddenly floated to the top.

Stunned at your own thoughts, you quickly shook yourself and moved to the corner where you had your phone plugged into the speakers on the floor. You clicked play on your spotify and looked over to Van who smiled once he heard the music start.

You and Van spent the next couple of hours singing and dancing while loading up boxes with possessions and bits of disassembled furniture. Goofing around together was fun and your worries seemed to fade away. And it was good to hear his singing voice again. Something you used to love was how he’d sing around the house or in the shower, or just specially to you. It was something that always made you felt comforted.

The packing was almost done and you both began to drag boxes outside and downstairs ready to be packed into your car. God knows how that was going to work either. You and Van were absolutely exhausted.

“How about I get us some drinks?” Van offered, leaning down with his hands on his knees to get his breath back.

“I love that idea. Bring them upstairs?”

Van nodded and you turned to go back up. You still had to pack the kitchen crockery in bubble wrap. You laughed to yourself as you heard Homesick playing from the speaker as you walked back through your door. Spotify must have gotten to the Catfish section of your songs list. You’d not listened to Catfish in ages; you had no reason to. It was kind of weird to listen to your ex’s band? But you’d forgotten how good they were and how catchy the songs were too. You began to throw yourself around not dissimilarly to how Van would, singing along to his lyrics as well.

By the time Van came back carrying a tray of cold, icy ciders you were swaying your hips to the beat of Cocoon and singing along loudly as you rolled a mug up in bubble wrap, unaware that he had returned and was staring at you from the doorway.

“Well, that’s the cutest fuckin’ thing I’ve ever seen,” Van grinned once the song had finished, making you jump with fright.

“Jesus…lucky I didn’t drop that,” you hissed and your cheeks flushed with embarrassment.

He looked at the mug and cringed before mouthing ‘sorry’. Van placed the tray down on the kitchen bench then handed you a cider.

“And not to be ‘that guy’ but you were singin’ the words wrong,” he laughed, his voice laced with smugness.

“Well sorrrryyy, bit out of practice. Been a while since I’ve been to a show, see,” you teased with an eye roll.

“You should come to the next one we have around here, I’ll put you on the list.”

Silence fell between you and Van as you gulped down your drinks, refreshed by the coldness of the liquid after your hard work. You met Van’s gaze and he held eye contact for a little too long. He placed his drink down and leant against the counter.

“Look y/n, I was goin’ to say it before but chickened out. I know I said I’ll wait, but it’s killin’ me. I need to know. Will you be with me?”

Van’s sudden admission floored you. Your eyes opened wide and your jaw dropped slightly. You must have looked as though you’d just seen a ghost.

“I don’t know Van,” you whispered. His face fell.

He took the cider glass from your hand putting it with his and stood close to you, placing a hand on your waist. You wriggled out of his grip and crumpled down to the floor with your back against the cupboard beneath the sink. You sat with your knees to your chest, like a child.

You knew, deep down, that your feelings for Van were there. That they’d laid dormant for a long time. If you’d never seen him again after your breakup, you could have gone your whole life without ever thinking of them. But you hadn’t; yours and Van’s lives kept overlapping and you were brought together again and again. Apart from that having to mean something, it awoke the feelings for him that you’d forgotten and then desperately tried to ignore.

“I don’t know,” you repeated.

Van fell to his knees in front of you and placed both hands on your legs.

“What do I do, y/n?” he pleaded, looking broken.

You wanted to be with Van, you did. In that moment you decided you did, theoretically. But this was not a fantasy. This was real life. The life that had driven you apart before. The life that had become so hard to deal with apart from each other for months on end. How could it work when you’d tried before and knew you were doomed to fail? You didn’t want to be heartbroken over Van McCann yet again.

You didn’t altogether understand his feelings for you either. Why and how had he so suddenly gone from being your friend, to wanting you back so desperately he’d beg? All of these thoughts and questions scared you.

“You need to leave Van,” you said suddenly, pushing him away.

Van’s face contorted into an expression of pain and confusion. He tried to pull you close again but when you wouldn’t budge, he stood up and went to take his coat. You felt sick to the stomach and couldn’t look at him, you knew you were being cruel.

“Call me if you change your mind,” he said solemnly before disappearing out your door, letting it slam behind him.

You threw yourself down on your bed that was now a mattress on the floor and let out an ocean of tears. What the fuck were you doing. You were so angry with yourself and you genuinely didn’t know what to do. Torn between hiding from potential heartbreak or just saying ‘fuck it’ and giving in.

In an attempt to distract yourself, you finished off the last bits of packing. You were staying with a friend for a few days until you could move into the new place. At least that was one thing sorted. Next, you returned the glasses and half-drunk ciders to the pub, sticking around to chat with the bartenders for a bit.

But of course, the distractions weren’t working. Back in your room, you sat down on your bed legs crossed and lip nervously bitten between your teeth. Your phone lay on the duvet at your feet and you stared at it for a long time. You weren’t sure how long; could have been minutes, could have been hours. ‘Call me if you change your mind’, Van had said. The problem was that you couldn’t make it up in the first place. With a rough groan, you pushed the phone away and flopped down onto your back, throwing your hands over your face.

After a moment, you picked up your phone and clicked back into spotify. Van’s voice echoed out of the speakers once again, hitting you right in the chest. What if he had been right when he’d said that maybe you’d fucked up by ending things? What if it worked this time? You had a home and a stable job now. He was used to his lifestyle, he’d grown up. Things were different, as much as you tried to tell yourself they weren’t.

Your mind tracked over the last year, to all the moments where you and Van had been pulled back together. You couldn’t explain it, but it felt right and you’d always known it. No matter where you were or who you were with, Van was what lay at the bottom of it all. Whether that was getting you home safely after one too many, shaking hands with your shitty ex-boyfriend when he shouldn’t have had to, or being your rock in a time of need. Not to mention all the drinks and laughs in between.

You loved Van. You didn’t want to be without him.

In a blind panic and rush of urgency, you grabbed your phone once again and shakily stopped the music before finding Van’s contact and pressing ‘call’. Your heart was beating rapidly and your skin began to turn clammy. Your breath caught in your throat more and more with each passing dial tone.

“Y/n?”

You froze. This should have been the simplest of calls, but you had no idea where to begin.

“I…”

“I know,” he said softly. You let out a deep breath and rested your forehead in your hand. Tears began to spill from your eyes.

“I’m so sorry Van,” you cried into the phone. “I want you. And I need you, I wish I hadn’t ruined things.”

“You haven’t y/n. You haven’t at all,” he soothed.

Your heart rate began to slow at his words and Van let you calm down before he said anything else.

“I’m so fucking glad you called,” he admitted once you’d stopped crying. He sounded as relieved as you felt.

“Me too,” you whispered. You wish you could hold him right now, bury your face in his chest. Kiss him.

There were a few moments of silence between you. Neither of you were ever that good at talking on the phone anyway.

“God, it really does take us to the eleventh hour doesn’t it?” Van laughed in a tone of frustrated disbelief.

“Are you quoting the Bible?!”

“What? Just mean last minute…somethin’ Dad says.”

You chuckled and nodded, forgetting he couldn’t see. Your mind was in a dizzy haze from feeling too many different things at once. After listening to each other’s breath down the phone for a few seconds, Van spoke, his tone back to its usual bounce.

“Well shall I come over then? Get them boxes in the car?”

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