#Marguerite did my baby so wrong

[masked-alien-lesbian]

Everybody was bitching about how the feminine body mc and the m!Trystan looked like Christmas ornaments but no one is talking about the travesty that is the f!Trystan's outfit 😭 like wtf is that bow around her waist?? And if those pants were any tighter we'd see a camel toe!

[fancyfeathers]

@zainiscompletelydone333 asked a question

aah no you misunderstood. i mean, like, when darling announces they're pregnant??

Oh that is my fault, I am so sorry

I’m still assuming it goes with this series, but please correct me if I am wrong

William definitely planned for his darling to get pregnant so it is no surprise when she tells him, in fact he probably already knew before he did, lining up the symptoms before she did. When she breaks the news, telling him how she thinks she is with child he just smiles at her…

“I know, dear.”

He already asked Louis if he could help him to clean up an unused guest room so they can begin working on the nursery. He scheduled for the doctor to visit once a week and list of dieting, healthy foods, taking out foods that have the chance of causing a miscarriage, and so on.

He does his best to take care and be with his darling whenever he can during her pregnancy, of course he will never take her on a mission but in the later months of her pregnancy they will be staying up in Durham for the rest of the pregnancy so it is close to his work when school starts and without the noise and stressing the city which is not good for a pregnant mother and a newborn baby when they come.

When the baby comes it is only natural that they sleep with their parents when they are still a newborn and so during their newborn months they will still be staying in Durham and then after that they will be heading back up to London when they are able to sleep alone in the nursery. William will be holding his little girl in his arms in the train ride back to London, watching his darling as she stares out the window at the countryside they pass.

“You know dear, perhaps in a year or two, our little Eloise may need a sister, I was thinking of names… Madeline perhaps.”

Albert on the other hand would be more surprised by this, but not heavily so since he would be trying for a child since his darling and him got married. When she tells him he will be overjoyed just not surprised. He will practically cling to his darling’s side every free second he has, and perhaps bring her along to some things with work, not everything like things that are classified, but like to his office as he does paperwork or letting her sit in his office while he attends meetings.

“Oh my beautiful wife with my wonderful child.”

Then their home life begins to adjust for their future child, things begins to operate on a schedule, for her at least, right to nine hours of sleep, meals at certain times, afternoon walks, there is not a minute of the day where what she is doing to unaccounted for as when the baby is born she will be taking care of them mostly as he has work he has to attend to that will only pick up after the baby is born.

Unlike William, Albert does not have time to be staying off in the country since his work is in London mostly so they will have to stay in the capital. Then when the baby is born he will spend every single second holding them when he is home since his is at work so much, and I mean that quite literally. He will be holding his child as his darling finally gets the chance to close her eyes to take a nap.

“Hyacinth… Fred grows them in the garden, a flower… I know we have Andrei but that would make a lovely name for a girl… Hyacinth and Marguerite… hm, what do you think?”

[river-of-wine]

You know. I’ve never properly been able to articulate how the Baker family makes me feel in my art, so I’m just gonna type it down here because my Madhouse playthrough has gotten me all emotional over them again and they deserve to be talked about just as much as the lords, because they are also Mother Miranda’s victims wether she knew of their existence or not, and wether she bothered to care if she did.

This is mostly about Jack and Marguerite with some Zoe in there for flavour.

We don’t get to see a lot of Jack and Marguerite before he infection (even infected, actually, they’re only in one scene together but that isn’t really them) but what we do tells us a lot. In the Daughters DLC, they’re in a far more stressful situation that you would guess by how they’re acting. Jack has found two unconscious people in a massive shipwreck, one of which is what he believes to be a little girl, and they have that to worry about on top of the storm that has already wrecked part of their property. But Jack and Marguerite manage to keep the mood light. They know how to make each other smile, they know what jokes to tell when the time is right, they had that whole bed and breakfast plan. They’re genuinely such a sweet couple for the small amount of time we do get to see if them, and it’s very intentional that their first REAL scene together as themselves in the Daughters DLC is just them being a sweet ,arrived couple. That’s who they were.

Marguerite was the first to go (and the first to later die, interestingly enough) and Zoe finds her first after the power outage. Marguerite attacks her daughter and Jack intervenes, but even still he’s not hurting her. He could, and he could have been entirely justified in doing so, but all he does is try to hold Marguerite back and tell Zoe to get rope to presumably tie Marguerite up. Jack is a strong guy as we all know, a single stomp from him would’ve ended the game then and there if the mould hadn’t picked up where Ethan left off. Marguerite isn’t as strong as he is even after being infected, her thing isn’t brute strength as much as it is Give Birth To Bug Baby Bodyguards, so he could’ve knocked Marguerite out or caused some kind of physical harm to her to keep her under control. He didn’t, though, and I’m guessing by his line after Zoe leaves the room (“don’t you make me do something I’ll regret”) that he didn’t even try to. The madwoman with the centipede flailing out of her mouth is still his wife. Jack never wanted to hurt his family.

This is the last we and Zoe ever see of Jack before the infection with the exception of the free my family scene with him and Ethan near the end of the main game, but we do hear him resisting. While Zoe is running from him in the Daughters DLC, he’s talking to Eveline with lines like “shut up, you ain’t real!” and laughter that eventually devolves into crying. I’d argue that there’s evidence of this in the main game too. Jack has some interesting voice lines to say the least, but one of them is him telling someone to shut up through grit teeth. Ethan stays impressively silent through the chase sequences with Jack aside from his breathing, so Jack isn’t talking to him. They are the only two people in the main house, so the only other conclusion I can personally draw is that he is talking to Eveline.

Marguerite doesn’t get to make an appearance alongside her husband when he asks Ethan to free his family because she is fully dead, unlike the rest of her family who are either saved (yay Zoe!) or killed off for good in the DLCs. This doesn’t mean that she doesn’t have her own heart wrenching cutscene though! In the Daughters DLC, Marguerite will stop Zoe to give her the key and apologise, saying that she doesn’t know what’s wrong with her and begging Zoe to go as she desperately fights for control. During this interaction, Marguerite strains to tell Eveline “don’t touch her, don’t hurt my family!”

Anyway, moving in from summaries, it’s made pretty clear from these interactions that Jack and Marguerite remember what they do under Eveline’s control. They are fully conscious but unable to do anything about it. Jack actually explains this in his cutscene with Ethan, and the idea of them being entirely aware of what they’re doing but unable to stop it is just so much worse.

Jack remembers drowning Marguerite, he remembers hunting down his daughter, he remembers cutting his son’s arm off, he remembers killing Ethan.

Marguerite remembers attacking Zoe and violently threatening her in the old house, she remembers infecting Jack, she remembers kidnapping Mia.

They both remember every victim, every moulded, every murder. They couldn’t do anything to stop it, but they remember every second.

The Lord’s were victims and they were prisoners, but they had some semblance of free will. Alcina in particular really revels in how violent she can be, going through maidens like the livestock she keeps them as and delighting in how much she knows she can hurt Ethan. Donna and Moreau are exceptions here (Donna especially, Moreau will kill to impress Mother Miranda and doesn’t seem too guilty about his own Cadou experiments though I doubt he fully understood what he was doing) but Heisenberg and Alcina are really just left to their own devices until the ceremony is brought into things.

The Bakers are different. They were never supposed to be a part of this. They were just a family trying to help a little girl. Their kindness is what killed them.

I’d also like to bring up how much pain they must have been in physically as well as emotionally. Jack sounds like he’s in agony during his mutated boss battle, struggling with all of his lines and crying out for his wife. I’ll re,mid you that by now Eveline has entirely abandoned him and Marguerite as her parental figures in exchange for Mia and Ethan, since Mia is her favourite anyway and now she has a father figure to go along with him. Jack is in this weird in between state where he’s not being controlled but he’s too far gone to the infection to ever regain who he was, so his sobbing for Marguerite and his family is very real emotion slipping through.

I know it’s funny to laugh at the bug pussy jokes, I make them too, but I want to take a moment to just think about that. Marguerite’s womb is tearing through her body. Insects are crawling out of her throat and through her raw flesh. Her limbs grow to unnatural lengths. Her womb is a big hive. It’s ripping through her body. The agony that poor woman must have been in, and sounds like she is in during her boss battle, is hard to consider when she’s taking bites out of you and laying bug hives left and right, but it’s heartbreaking when you do take time to consider it.

And Zoe, the unsung hero of Resident Evil 7, had to sit back and watch it all happen. She had to watch her family slip into madness without her being able to do anything and she coped by refusing to acknowledge them as still being her family at all. It’s Joe who has to remind her that they were still her family and that they did love her deep down in their true hearts in the End of Zoe DLC when she’s finally escaped the property. Zoe is stronger than I think most of us give her credit for, she shouldn’t just be looked at as the bad ending girl because she is honestly so much more than that.

I just love the Baker family, they really deserved better.

[grumpyhedgehogs]

Rose Colored Glasses

Summary:  Ethan sacrifices everything for family. Then, with help from a familiar face, he moves on.

Notes:  Just a little something brought on by me lamenting the fact that there aren't enough fics out there that just have the Winterses and Bakers being normal friends and family.

AO3

The third time Ethan dies, he wakes up warm.

It’s a large step up from the frozen wasteland Eveline greeted him in, but the process of coming back is still just as painful. This time, it’s not his chest feeling hollow or his ribs burning as they scraped together after being shoved into the cavity where his heart was supposed to be. Now it’s mostly a full body ache; for a moment, before his thoughts reorder into some semblance of sense, Ethan thinks wildly that he has the flu, that everything since Mia had finished making dinner had to be a fever dream. She made soup--maybe because he’s been sick? She was always better at noticing when something was wrong than Ethan was. She probably put him to bed after dinner, gave him a cold compress maybe, and he’d passed out and thought up the entire nightmare because of that stupid children’s story.

The ache eases, though, almost immediately, leaving behind the warmth sinking into his bones. Ethan sighs but doesn’t open his eyes. It was all real--he knows that. He died--again--and now he’s...somewhere else. But the air isn’t cloying in his lungs, and he doesn’t hurt anymore, and it’s so, so comfortable, so he doesn’t suppose he minds too much. Rose is safe, Mia is safe, even Chris is safe. Hasn’t he earned a little rest? Hasn’t he earned the right to close his eyes for a while?

Sensation filters back in gradually, and Ethan realizes all of a sudden that he isn’t wearing his jacket or hoodie anymore. His sleeves are rolled up to his elbow. He doesn’t feel the heavy weight of his hiking boots on his ankles. His pants feel clean and unwrinkled, rather than stiff with bloodstains. There’s a constant pressure at his back holding him up, like lying on a brand new mattress. Then sound fills his ears; rain against a windowpane, his own soft breathing, the far-off sound of pots and pans and a stove turning on. His nose twitches when he smells something spicy and full-bodied, a good home-cooked meal. But Ethan still does not open his eyes. They’re too heavy. The ache has passed, but Ethan’s body is so very heavy.      

Even when a hand passes over his brow, Ethan can’t seem to find the strength to open his eyes. The fingertips are square and blunt, the skin worn from hard work. The palm rests gently over his brow before moving on. Ethan thinks of Mia, running her fingers through his hair every time he’d get sick, and cannot keep in a tiny, miserable noise.

“Shh, you're alright, son,” says a familiar voice. It’s less rough now, less demented than Ethan remembers it. Kinder, definitely. “You’re alright now. You’ve gone through enough pain to warrant a little rest.”

Ethan murmurs incomprehensibly, even to himself, and drifts.

When he wakes again, he is still warm. It makes him sigh and settle before finally, finally, opening his eyes.

The room he is in is rustic, with old, worn carpets and wooden furniture. The bedframe is wood too, and his blanket a deep blue, obviously hand-knit. The rain still patters away at the window above his head, but it's gentle and calm. A pair of loafers he recognizes as his own wait at the foot of his bed.

Sitting at his bedside, his glasses slipping halfway down a sloping nose, is Jack Baker.

“Hello, Ethan.”

“Hello, Jack.”

Ethan sits up, scrubs a hand through his hair and over his eyes. A phantom pain twinges through his wrist and he hisses, but it’s gone the next second. Jack hums and nods. “You’re feelin’ some pain?”

“Just the old ones,” Ethan tells him, letting resignation drip from his words. Waking up to a dead man-turned-monster after his own death is just par for the course at this point. Somewhere between getting his hand chopped off by a monstrous version of his wife and realizing that Mother Miranda ripping his heart out was not, in fact, the first time he died, Ethan stopped trying to make the world make sense. Jack Baker waiting for him in the afterlife? Fine. Sure. Why not?

“That’ll happen for a while,” Jack tells him, still gentle as a lamb. “The older they are, the more the pains stick around. They’ll leave you eventually. Just takes some time.”

Ethan nods and swings his legs out of bed. He looks up, considering, and at the openness of Jack Baker’s face, quirks the corners of his mouth up. “This is it then, huh? This is the end.”

Jack smiles too, wider than Ethan thinks he could manage. “Don’t know ‘bout that--but this is what we have for now. Reminds you of old times, huh?”

“Just not the good times,” Ethan says.

“No,” Jack agrees tiredly. “Not the good ones.”

His companion is silent as Ethan slips on his shoes and, after another pause, clumsily folds the blanket he has been given. Afterwards, he has to admit he can’t prolong the inevitable any more. “What are you doing here, Jack?”

Jack seems to take him at his real meaning, take his words for what are you doing here with me, Jack? “You remember what I told you the last time we saw each other, son? What I asked you to do?”

“‘Free my family.’” Ethan repeats. Those words have haunted him for longer than he’d have thought possible. All that death and the blood resting squarely on his hands--could it really be labeled as freedom?

Jack leans forward and, telegraphing his movements, slowly places his hand over one of Ethan’s. His fingers are square and strong and soft against Ethan’s reflexive fist. He finds himself relaxing far more quickly than he’d have expected. “You did as I asked you, Ethan,” Jack tells him. “Even though it pained you, even though it was the most difficult thing in the world for me to ask of you, you helped us. You didn’t have to.”

Ethan stares at him blankly. “Sure I did.”

“Oh?” Jack smiles, leans back and crosses his arms. His rocking chair is more stable than the one they’d had Eveline’s old body stored in back in Dulvey. It creaks with his movements. “You could’ve broken a window and run for it. You found your wife and could’ve gone off into the woods instead of facing Eveline. But you stayed, and you helped, and now we’re here instead of stuck in that mold.”

“Well--but--it wasn’t like I had a choice--” Ethan tries, his tongue feeling thick and strange in his mouth. No one has ever actually sat and talked with him about what happened in Louisiana, never acknowledged what he’d had to sacrifice before Ethan himself brought it up. Even Mia shied away from it. Taking a deep breath, Ethan tried again. “It was just the right thing to do.”

“But you did it, Ethan. No one else. So thank you.”

And well, that is true, so Ethan keeps his mouth shut. He shrugs, feeling awkward and embarrassed and not sure why. Jack Baker takes pity on him after a silent moment. “Since you helped us, we decided to wait for you. To make sure y’all are safe and sound when it came to be your time.” Jack looks over the rim of his glasses at Ethan, and for a second Ethan feels like a little boy about to be scolded. “We thought it would be quite a while before you showed back up, son.”

Ethan snorts. “Sorry to disappoint.”

“Don't see why you should apologize for saving your daughter. There is nothing disappointing about you, Ethan.”

That warmth increases in Ethan’s chest. “Who else is here? Marguerite?”

Jack nods and softly claps his hands on his thighs. “She was fit to be tied when you showed up so unexpectedly. She’s downstairs now, getting some supper ready. We figured you’d be a bit peckish.”

For how well his last dinner with the Bakers went, Ethan feels considerably less apprehensive at the smells wafting upstairs. “What about Eveline? Lucas?”

“Lucas comes and goes,” Jack tells him. “He’s--he’s Lucas. It’s been harder for him than the two of us. He’ll come around.”

Ethan privately thinks that is the absolute last thing Lucas Baker will ever do, but keeps it to himself. “Eveline?”

“Nowhere we can see.”

He thinks of the cold, the snow, the mud and dirt and loneliness he woke to when he died at Miranda’s hand. “She probably doesn’t like company these days,” Ethan mutters.

If he hears Ethan’s comment, Jack doesn’t react. He stands then, and cracks his back, letting out a loud groan. Ethan smiles a little more at the humanity in the action. This is who Jack must have been before--well, before everything. Perhaps, if he and Mia had met them under different circumstances, they'd have been friends with the Bakers. Perhaps neighbors. Perhaps they’d have let the Bakers babysit Rose once in a while.  

“Zoe is the last one we’re waiting for,” Jack says. “She won’t be here for a long while, God willing. You’re welcome to wait with us for as long as you like, of course.”

“I’ll need to stay for Mia and Rose.”

“Of course. Would you like some company?”

Ethan blinks before taking Jack’s offered hand, letting the older man pull him to his feet. “You’d wait with me? Even if Zoe comes first?”

Jack claps a hand to Ethan’s shoulder and lets it rest there, warm and reassuring. “For as long as you’ll have us, Ethan, it would be our privilege.”

The gorge in his throat swells, his face grows tight and his eyes prick. “Thanks, Jack.”

Jack inclines his head and leaves the words hanging in the air between them, comfortable and knowing. As he turns to lead Ethan out of the room, Jack pauses. “Oh, you got any good stories about little Rosie? I’m sure Marguerite would love to hear some. Been such a long time since we had a baby in the house.”

Ethan smiles, and nods, and lets the warm glow of the home beyond his doorway guide him out.

[darling-i-read-it]

Marguerite Baker

Part 3

RE7 Rewrite Masterlist

Ethan Winters x fem!reader

Word Count: 2.9k

Warnings: spoilers for re7, violence, injuries, blood, gross rotted stuff, marguerites boss battle so gross sack thing, bugs, injuries

Author’s Note: I am having a ton of fun with this! At the time of me writing this I haven’t posted any of the parts lol so hopefully you all are enjoying it as well!

Some of these lines are directly from the game so they may sound familiar.

Summary: Getting the serum recipe, going through the old house, killing Marguerite and getting the D-series arm.

I don’t own these characters. They belong to author/director/creator. Some of these lines are directly from the game so they may sound familiar.

(not my gif) (i'm not posting any pics of marguerites boss fight cause I know a lot of people are super grossed out with it and I don't blame them lol)

Ethan dozed off in the trailer. You sat on the counter, counting each and every bullet the two of you had together. You looked around at everything in the trailer. You were fairly certain it was Zoe’s. She had left behind a couple extra weapons and bullets that you scrounged together.

Ethan began to stir after about 30 minutes of sleep. He sat up slowly, rubbing his eyes. You handed him a water bottle you had found in Zoe’s fridge. He took it gratefully and drank about half of it. He ran his hands through his hair, taking a deep breath as you handed him all of his stuff back.

“We have to go to the old house,” you told him. He nodded.

“Did you get any sleep?” You shook your head.

“I didn’t want any. I’m too hyped up on adrenaline. The second we get out of here I’m going to crash for days.” He laughed a bit and nodded, standing up. He got himself situated. He got himself together, looking you up and down. You were both dirty and worn from the entire situation. You looked like you were about to collapse if you closed your eyes, your gaze wide. You opened the door a bit and looked around outside.

“Are you sure about this?” he asked. You shrugged and grabbed a gun.

“I don’t know what else we can do. We’ll get lost without Zoe.”

“That’s a good point.”

“I’m the brains, you're the brawn babe.” He rolled his eyes and looked himself up and down. He was scrawny. He barely had any muscle on him. “We share the brain and brawn then. Come on.”

====

The two of you made your way to the old house. It was the same place you had seen Mia go in the video she made for the two of you. You had some idea where you had to go then. You just had to find the serum. That was it.

You stayed close together as you walked through the place. You found some extra weapons along with things that you could use back at the house. You were quick and as quiet as you could be, only speaking when you needed to speak. As you entered one of the rooms you picked up a piece of paper that was lying on the table. You read through it quickly.

“The mothers name is Marguerite. The man is Jack, which we know and the boy is Lucas,” you said quietly. “Seemed like they were a regular family before all this. I wonder what went wrong,” you whispered. He nodded and looked over your head at the paper.

“Must have been something huge.”

“No shit.”

Suddenly something rammed into the gate wall behind you. You and Ethan turned around quickly, him standing between you and the gate. Mia was there, her hands through the holes. She looked desperate.

“Ethan!” she said breathily.

“Mia!” you said mockingly. “Are you going to try and kill us again?” Ethan grabbed your arm.

“That wasn’t me...I’m sorry,” she tried to say.

“No more bullshit Mia. I want some answers. Y/N told me what you told her but I know there’s more,” Ethan said.

“I know, I know you’re right. And I always wanted to tell you but I can only remember a little and the rest is gone!” Behind her Lucas appeared from the corner, grabbing her tightly and pulling her back.

“Daddy right? Who are you, you precious thing?” Lucas stuck his head out at you, a disgusting smile on his face. “We would get along,” he muttered. Ethan blocked Lucas’s view of you as he slinked away. “Well don’t just stand there Ethan! Do something.” Mia yelled for help and the door shut. You moved aside and looked at where she had just gone.

“That guy seems like a dick. We would not get along.” Ethan scoffed.

“Come on. We have to get that fucking serum.”

====

The two of you made it through to the other side of the old house just in time for Marguerite to push you down a hole in the ground. You figured you would have plenty of time to get in and out but she had caught you.

As you landed in the wet ground underneath the house, you felt the wind get knocked out of you. Marguerite's bugs flew down and beside you Ethan was standing. He used the fire thrower to the best of his ability and without even standing up you shot Marguerite in the face. She stumbled back and then forward, falling into the hole with the both of you. You screeched, quickly climbing up. Ethan was hot on your tails. Marguerite slinked away underneath you into the rest of the underground of the house.

He held tightly onto your arm, letting out a loud annoyed sigh.

“She’s nice,” you muttered.

“Not a great cook though.” You laughed and nodded. “Are you alright?” You nodded curtly.

“I think. You?” He nodded, holding up his hand.

“Still stapled on.” You rolled your eyes and turned around, walking back up the stairs. You opened the door that she had stopped you from opening. It opened up carefully and you were able to step inside. There were a lot of hanging baby dolls. In between some candles was a box. You rushed over to it and opened it up.

There seemed to be some sort of bones inside, along with a vile. On the back of the lid was some sort of recipe.

“D-series cranial nerve and D-series peripheral nerve,” you muttered aloud. “This is just the recipe for the serum, not the serum itself.” He let out a groan.

“Awesome.” The phone behind the two of you rang.

“If she knew where the phone was she should have come here herself,” you muttered. Ethan picked it up and you leaned against it so you could hear.

“Well? Did you find the serum?” she asked.

“We just got done dealing with your mom and her fucking bugs. Wish you could have warned me.”

“Sorry about that. What about the serum?”

“Haven’t found any but we did find out how to make one. A D-series head and arm. That can’t be right,” he muttered.

“A head? I think I have that around here somewhere.”

“You do?” he said incredulously.

“I don’t know about the arm though. Have you searched the whole house?”

“No not yet. We still have to check the second floor.”

“Alright, check it out. No funny business you two we’re on a mission.” You rolled your eyes.

“We’ll try to keep our hands to ourselves. We’ll meet you at the trailer if we find it.” He hung up the phone. Before he could even say anything you ventured further into the second floor. It wasn’t long before you found a door that had a single lantern on it.

“Looks like we need the other lantern,” you said aloud.

“This is why you’re the brains.” You rolled your eyes.

“Marguerite had one when she went down there.”

“I am not going down there.”

“You may have to.” The two of you walked back to where the hole in the ground one and saw the lantern just before Marguerite's impossibly long arms came to take it away. You let out a shaky sigh and gestured to him.

“Man first. We live in a patriarchal society.”

“I hate you.” He climbed the ladder down and looked around before you even thought about going down. You waited for a minute and he gestured for you to follow. You were careful as you went down and noticed Marguerite had some sort of pathway for the two of you to follow.

You went down that and came up to a green house of sorts. You went inside warily, guns raised. You and Ethan shared one last look before going up the stairs.

Marugite crashed through the window, causing you both to fall backwards. She gave you an intense look, her long limbs reaching around you.

“I’m her mother. Not you!” She hurried away. You and Ethan quickly regained your balance and held up your guns.

“Did you see her-”

“Yeah.” You swallowed hard and went up the stairs.

It took you and Ethan a good amount of time to get through her. But you had the grenades and Ethan had the flame thrower. Between the two of you, it took longer than it should have. She blew up after some time, leaving behind only her lantern.

You picked it up.

“Just fucking stay dead okay?!” Ethan said, out of breath. You nodded.

“I second that. Let’s just go and get the arm okay?” He swallowed, looking over at you. You watched as his eyes went big. “What?”

“Your chest.” You looked down and saw blood was pooling around your chest and shoulder area. Your eyes went wide as well as the pain hit you. Marguerite must have gotten you and you hadn’t even noticed with all the adrenaline. Ethan quickly rushed over to you and put his hand on your shoulder. “We’re going back to the trailer so I can look at this.” You nodded and let him help you walk out of the green house.

It was a very short walk to the trailer. He sat you down on the bed and kneeled in front of you. He tugged at the hem of your shirt.

“At least buy me dinner first,” you said through a groan. He gave you a look and he helped you take the shirt off. You had a large gash from your collarbone to your arm. Ethan winced just at the sight of it. He pulled out some of the first aid he had found.

“This is going to hurt.” You nodded as he poured something on it. You winced through gritted teeth. He pulled out some bandages. “You aren’t dying on me now, I don’t care what you say.”

“You held your own pretty good back there,” you admitted.

“Yeah, with your help.” You watched as he focused his eyes on your wound. He looked so intense. You had always liked Ethan but when Mia went missing he was all you knew. As you stared into his eyes you thought maybe you had always loved him.

Loved him?

It hit you like a bag of bricks. You took a short breath in and Ethan just assumed it was the pain. You had to look away as you felt yourself get flustered. He was your best friend's husband. But she had been gone for three years and she was always gone before that anyway. You found it in yourself to look back at him. He was smiling slightly up at you.

“It’s the best I can do.”

“It’s great,” you said. “I already feel better. Thank you Doctor Winters.”

“Just doin my job.” You swallowed and stood up. He grabbed your arm, shaking his head.

“You aren’t going with me. I can get the arm.” You shook your head more aggressively than him.

“I’m not letting you go alone.”

“You just said I could hold my own.”

“And you admitted you needed me.”

His hand was firm on your arm. You stared into each other's eyes and suddenly it was so obvious you had always loved him. That's why you came. Sure, you hoped Mia was okay but truthfully you couldn’t let him die if you could help it. The way he laughed and the way he hated beer but drank it anyway and the way he reloaded a gun was weird and the way he looked at you.

“I’ll be okay. Get some rest. Hopefully Zoe will come here before I do.” He let your arm go. He had felt the tension.

You were getting so dizzy from blood loss you had to sit down.

“I’ll be right back,” he said. You reached forward and held his hand.

“Please be safe Ethan.” He nodded curtly and left the trailer. You put your head down on the pillow and let yourself breathe evenly.

====

Ethan returned with the D-series arm only a half an hour later. Zoe was still not there. You were sleeping peacefully on the bed, your face finally at peace. He watched you for a moment. You were his only friend over this whole Mia thing. Most of his friends beforehand had left him when he got super into trying to find her but not you.

And then you told him everything and it all kinda changed.

He leaned against the wall and took a deep breath. If you died...he couldn’t deal with it. You were his best friend. He...he loved you. He didn’t want to admit it to himself because of Mia but he really truly did. He ran his hand over his face, letting that settle in.

Suddenly the phone rang, waking you up. Ethan turned quickly and picked it up.

“Now where the hell are you? You know what, nevermind. We only need the head and you’ve got it.” You stood up and walked over, putting your head against the phone like you usually did.

“Hey buddy!” You let out an annoyed sigh. Lucas. “I thought you should know. I decided Zoe needed a time out. She and Mia are here with me. And they’re keeping each other company.”

“Just let them both go, what do you need them for?!”

“That’s family business Ethan! Not your concern understand? Now. If you want the head feel free to come by any time and I’ll give it to ya! But only if you participate in a little activity I put together for you two!”

“Where are they?” he asked.

“I know you’re excited! But don’t worry! It's not going anywhere. First step I need you to take partner is for you to take a look in that fridge there.”

“Fuck you.”

“Oh come on now, don’t be like that. You wanna have fun don’t ya? Now look in the fridge.” Lucas hung up. You gave Ethan a look. Ethan put the phone down. You walked over to the fridge and found inside the deputies head. You scoffed.

“This guy again. Man.” You picked it up, wincing at the pain and the smell. On the back of his head was a note. “‘The pig is waiting for you in the dissection room bitch,’” you read. “Now that’s not very nice,” you muttered, putting the head back in the fridge. Ethan let out an annoyed sigh.

“This can’t ever be easy can it?”

“Hell no.” He gestured to your arm .

“How are you feeling?” You shrugged then winced.

“It’ll heal nicely,” you muttered. “How was getting the arm?” He showed it to you, waving it around as he spoke.

“Weird. I thought I saw a little girl and there were all these childrens toys. I got out of there quick though.” He put the arm down and walked up to you. “Let’s change the bandages and then we’ll go to the dissection room.”

“Bitch,” you mocked. Ethan laughed, raising his hands up to your shoulder. You sat down on the table and let him take a look.

“You aren’t lookin too good,” he muttered.

“You should never say that to a lady.” He rolled his eyes.

“You always look stunning. Even covered in blood and dirt.”

“Aw Ethan, thank you. Right back at you.” He put a new bandage on and you watched him do it. If he had looked in your eyes he would have seen the metaphorical hearts coming out of them. Finally he looked back up at your face.

“You should be okay now.”

“Thank you,” you said genuinely. He nodded curtly and stood back. “Can I ask you something?” He nodded. “Are you going to stay with Mia if she gets out of here alive?”

“Don’t ask me that,” he muttered.

“Why?”

“Because you’re messing with my vows by the answer I wanna give you.” You smiled a bit, looking down. “We have to go get whatever he left for us. Come on.” You nodded and stood up. You almost tripped forward from dizziness and he grabbed your healthy arm to keep you steady. Your faces were mere centimeters away. You looked into each other's eyes and he couldn’t help himself.

He kissed you.

Suddenly the pain from your arm was gone. You melted into his lips. He pulled away and froze. Your eyes went wide.

“Did you mean-”

“Yes.”

With that he walked out the trailer door to the dissection room.

Part 4

[shredsandpatches]

wip wednesday (this is where A.K. McHardy throws the book aside with great force edition)

I once saw McHardy give a talk at Kalamazoo the theme of which was largely “Richard II was terrible but it’s because everyone did a shit job raising him,” an attitude suggested strongly by her preface to the coronation account in her sourcebook on Richard’s reign in which she describes the impression of Simon Burley as “unfavorable.” This was, incidentally, the source for him carrying the exhausted little ten-year-old king out of his own coronation, so she has a pretty hard-assed approach in general. (She also doesn’t like it when people get sentimental about the destruction of Sheen. The sourcebook is really good though, nonetheless.)

I’m not actually 100% sure where Burley was during the confrontation in the Tower (the last week of December 1387) or exactly when he was arrested—he wasn’t one of the people that the appellants went after right away and they didn’t seriously pursue him until March, but I’m not sure if they arrested him right when the appellants took over or what. I’ve put him in the Tower because most of Richard’s remaining supporters joined him there.

Anyway we’re back to the novelthing after a couple of entries of the dinner table three-way fic. Which is still being written and pretty close to done! But I don’t wanna give it all away up front. (That’s what— *is yanked out by giant hook*) 

--

One man who has been fortunate enough, or foolhardy enough, to stay by Richard’s side is Sir Simon, who has joined Richard in the Tower as well. Richard is caught between concern for his safety—surely he can somehow raise the money for him to follow Robert and Neville and la Pole to the continent—and selfish gratitude that Sir Simon has chosen to stay.

“You’re the King,” Sir Simon says, when he joins Richard and Anne for supper on the night of their arrival. “It’s my duty to stand by you.” He smiles and sips at his mulled wine. “You both need looking after, anyway, especially now—” He breaks off, then, his face concerned: Richard’s throat tightens, and Anne’s eyes are suddenly wet; Richard is certain his own expression is much the same.

“That is what Robert said,” Anne explains.

Sir Simon nods, reaching across the table to pat Richard’s hand. “I’m so sorry about that,” he says. “I know how much you both love him. Perhaps I’ve questioned his wisdom in the past, but he wasn’t wrong, in this case. And he loves you both, in turn.”

“Look where it got him,” Richard says. “It’s dangerous to love me, now. I don’t know if I’ll be able to protect you, when the appellants come.”

Sir Simon rises from the table, crossing to the other side to sit beside Richard and place a hand on his shoulder. “It’s my duty as a subject,” he says, “but more than that.” He swallows hard, shakes his head. “I never had children, of course,” he says. “You never met Marguerite—she died when you were only a baby. But I never had much interest in marrying again, afterward. I preferred serving your father—and your mother, and then you, of course. You’re my King and Queen, so I’ve never told you this, and I beg your pardon if it’s presumptuous. But the two of you—” he motions to Anne, who moves to sit on his other side— “are the closest I’ll ever come to having children of my own. And what father wouldn’t lay down his life for his children?”

A small, choked sob escapes Richard’s throat, despite his best efforts.

“Sir Simon,” he says, “back during the Rising, I was here in the Tower when the mob was calling for the head of Archbishop Sudbury. The last time I spoke with him, before I rode out to meet the rebels, he said that he wasn’t afraid to die, that if he had any responsibility for their grievances, it would be a fitting penance—and that the important thing was for me to stay alive. He was laying down his life for me, and it still haunts me, even today. I’m tired of people laying down their lives for me.”

Sir Simon’s hand moves down his shoulder to rub his back gently. “I loved your father, Richard. He was one of the most magnificent men I’ve ever known. He also sent countless men to their deaths in France. He knew it was the way of warfare, but he was haunted, too. It ate away at him, somewhere inside. But he would have been king, as you are king now. And that makes it a burden you must bear. People have died for you—people will die for you. If I am fated to be among their number—” He smiles at Richard, a very soft smile. “I will count myself blessed.”

[calypsoff2]

Eleven.

I posted a picture of Chris and I on the beach, it was more of a selfie, and I’m just laid on my front in the sand, I was just generally taking a selfie and Chris horny ass was in the back biting my butt cheek, I took the picture and posted it, it’s kind of funny well. It turned out to be the most liked picture in a day, it’s funny to me and my mother said I need to keep that to myself, no way in hell I’m going to do that, the picture was too good not too, but we are having fun. I am just happy to be child free “Herbert messaged me” Chris said as he came out of the bathroom “saying” turning to Chris “tie it for me” I asked “oh he said my parents are nasty, I goes now who the hell are your parents, he said you two” I shivered as Chris came up behind me to tie the straps on my bikini “yeah I noticed that he calls us parents. He’s stupid, I like this. You look nice” he complimented me “thank you poppa, did I tell you Mel called. I said don’t call, I am busy, I am away with Chris, and I just want to spend time with him, just having fun. She does oh it will be quick, so she called, and she just apologised. She is upset that I am upset with her, like how does that even work, I am upset with her because she never told me shit, I find that to be sly and it is. Now she’s stuck with a baby, he’s a deadbeat” turning to Chris “mhmm he is a deadbeat, Camron commented on my Instagram post, yes he has a page. He put I miss you, I blocked him” Chris is stubborn now “that is up to you but it ain’t his fault his dad is a snake” I know Rylee is going to be asking because he won’t be coming to the house “mark my words Robyn, TJ will propose to Mel” I frowned “you think?” Chris nodded his head “I promise you now he will, he’s going to do it to please her. He says that Mel is lonely, because you have your life in order and she doesn’t, I think he knows she is vulnerable, and he is playing on that. Don’t be shocked if we go home and they are already, only way to stay in the circle. I am being deadass” this is worrying “I don’t want it” I whined out “I know but that’s on Mel, you know that” this is a shit situation, I don’t want my friend hurt either.

I fancy Chris so much; he is so fine. I like it, he is so daddy “so where we going?” Chris asked “well” I dragged out; I mean he doesn’t know we are seeing captain “we are meeting captain” Chris groaned out “why?” He questioned “it bugs me Chris, I still want to know what he meant by vague, he never clarifies, and I want know. I am not going to drop it until he confirms, I can’t get pregnant again to go through a loss again. I can’t do it, you don’t understand Chris how hard it is for me, how draining it is for me to lose babies. Not like it’s early on either, you don’t get it. Yes I have three beautiful girls but losing babies is really getting to me, it’s not easy to just keep trying and it not happening. I refuse to try” I am not even letting it happen either “but he doesn’t know shit, he’s assuming” I shushed him “he knows ok, trust me. My people know shit, my island people do and they are always right. I can’t take it, give me this” Chris is not happy, but I know Chris, he will do it for me and go “it’s just I don’t know, you believe in the evil eye and shit. Just life, take it as it is” here he goes with his mouth “Chris” crossing my arms across my chest as I sat on the bed “tuh! Fine, ok whatever” see I knew he would pull through, he would listen to me of course “you married a Caribbean girl, now you go to deal with it. Acting all brand new with me, boy” Chris rolled his eyes and walked off, he knew damn well I would be seeing captain, I need be relieved of this burden. I feel like shit to be honest; I can always put on a facade but deep down I feel awful. Losing these babies and going back to work and then Chris just acting like it’s nothing, but nobody will understand and especially a man for that matter, he can shrug it off all he wants and act like it’s fine but it’s not for me, he doesn’t get it at all because he is a man.

He’s been a little annoyed that I am making him go to this thing, he didn’t want to go but he is for me. I’ve always kept in contact with him, he doesn’t work there anymore so he’s meeting us at his favourite food place, he’s a lovely man with a heart of gold “this ain’t the usual place” Chris said pointing at the car window, Chris remembers the whole journey there I see “you are right, he doesn’t work there anymore” Chris’ eyes bulged out, like I am crazy “how do you know this?” He asked, I think Chris feels I am crazy, but I am far from crazy. I just feel fed up for the most part, there is a lot going on “because he gave me his phone number and I call him every so often to ask if he is ok, nothing else. He doesn’t actually tell you anything over the phone, he only does it in person and I just want to ask ok” Chris is so moody for what though “why are you mad? It makes no sense” he’s being extra weird about it “because if you don’t hear something you like you’re going to be upset, it will ruin the whole vibe. That is all” taking in a deep breath, Chris isn’t wrong “I am prepared to hear that I can’t give you what you want, I know what you want Chris. But I feel not prepared, I feel I can’t give you it. He said vague and it’s because I can’t, if it is then so it!” I spat “there is always surrogate, that way we know the sex too” waving him off “just be quiet” he never has any sense, he just speaks without thinking “nigga” now he’s annoyed me, forget captain “mhmmm sorry if I offended you, I am just showing you ways, well telling you there is other ways” this husband of mine, nobody else in the world will upset me or annoy me more than he does. But here I am, I adore him, but I won’t let him ruin my mood.

Arriving at the Marguerites restaurant, I said I would meet Captain here. I did say I wouldn’t mind meeting him at his home, but he said no, and for us to come here “thank you” getting out of the car, Captain reminds me of Bravo so much, every time I see him I just get choked up. He is such a good man; I love him for always checking in on me too “Robyn!” I gasped, he is waiting for us outside the restaurant “awww Captain, look at you” I clapped my hands shrieking “you look beautiful, look at you” hugging him close “awww thank you so much, you are the best” Captain hugged me tight “it is so good to see you, so so good princess” I swear I am cheesing so hard right now, moving back from the hug smiling “I love your shirt, look at you” Captain chuckled “Christopher, hello” stepping to the side laughing at my grumpy husband “you not happy to be here, it’s ok I got you” Chris laughed shaking his hand “I am always happy” he is such a liar “come, I have got us a beautiful spot. We can watch the sunset and we can eat lovely food, come follow me” he walked ahead of us, the customers here in the building just stared all wide eyed, I mean I don’t blame them. As soon as they noticed their phones are out, it was quick as we made our way out to the back. Feeling Chris’ hand on my butt, he is close to me as always.

Taking a sip of my wine, I mean it’s wine time of course “how are you Captain, are you well?” Chris asked him “I am blessed Chris; I am here with you both. I am getting old, look at you both” he pointed between me and Chris laughing “are we getting old?” I added “no, you are both getting more beautiful, Robyn more then anything but I am blessed” he is so sweet, he reminds me of what my dad should be. Captain has taken that part from him; he is just the best “how come you not working now, I was shocked when we come here. Retired already?” Captain chuckled putting his head “I am not well, I just want to rest and spend time with my kids” I wish I could meet his kids “I will be honest with you because Robyn to me, she is like my daughter. The sweetest angel, I got cancer and by the grace of god I am still here” my heart skipped a beat “no” I said “it’s all love, you don’t need to worry. We are here” shaking my head feeling the emotions hit me “no, that is so unfair” my voice broke putting my head down, Chris placed his hand on my back “please don’t cry Robyn, it’s ok. I am still here” this is the worst news ever “why the good people” I said through my sobs, this has actually hurt me a lot.

I am a mess now, it had to be this and it’s so unfair. Every good person that I attach myself too I just lose, how unfair is this “you are making me cry” Captain pointed at his heart “you’re a good woman Robyn” he said, shaking my head “by the grace of god I am going to get you to the best hospital, the best. I don’t care, you will have to accept it. You are too good, this is unfair” Captain is so relaxed “no, this is not about me. I have not told you this for you to start paying for my life, to start feeling sorry for me. This is my journey and I see the good in you both, stop being upset. I have lived a good life, I can’t be mad” Captain is smiling so much, him smiling is making me smile “you are always so positive, I wish I was like you” I said “because I take life as it comes and I am sure you were the same Robyn, Barbados. Your happy place” smiling lightly “see, if you lived and breathed in Barbados everyday you would be like me. America is stress, who wants to be there. I am happy so don’t feel sad for me, be happy. Yes, that beautiful smile. How is your friend? Is she pregnant yet?” I groaned out “that is a yes, I saw family for her. Alone though” my eyes widened “we shouldn’t be shocked now” oh Captain is good “she is a good woman too, she deserves better. She is lonely without you; she is at a part of her life where she is behind you. You have moved full steam ahead; she misses her friend. You don’t spend time with her unless she is tagging along, spend time with her as a friend” I breathed out “she has felt lonely since you got married, never mentioned it because she is happy for you but she is wanting your time, stop being busy” I am always busy “how can I stop being busy when I am trying to conquer the world” I chuckled “and you are by being yourself, you need to have time for loved ones. I feel you have a lot of unanswered questions for me, and you sharing that” Captain pointed at Chris’ blunt “you want one?” Chris said in shock “you in Jamaica son, of course” I am still sad to hear about his cancer “we eat and we can discuss” Captain is staring at Chris so hard, it was a little odd “Chris, you are the young man here. And the real Captain, you order for us. I eat anything” I am still judging Captain looking at Chris, he is testing something, it looks like he is “sure, here” Chris passed him the blunt, what is he thinking about my husband.

[artificialqueens]

Tree House Kisses, Chapter 41 (Adorney) - Scorpio and Veronica

A/N: Hi everyone! Okay so, in this chapter, they begin working on a new musical, and I URGE you to check it out if you haven’t: The Scarlet Pimpernel. Also! I made a playlist with every song we’ve used as chapter titles, including the upcoming ones pretty much through the end of the story. Click here for previous chapters or here if you’d rather read on AO3. And thank you SO MUCH to wonderful betas: @saiphl, @sillylittlecandycane!!! XOXOXO

Chapter Summary: New semester, new school musical: and Courtney’s star is finally on the rise.

Chapter 41: You Are My Home

It was weird having Roy back home for the holidays, Adore thought, watching him tell a story to Bob, Jamin, and Thorgy, commanding all the attention as usual, sipping from a solo cup and gesturing wildly. It was even weirder to see him getting sloppy-drunk as the night wore on--Adore supposed that college was a bigger challenge than he’d planned for, and maybe he needed to blow off some steam. Still, seeing him grope Courtney as he bent her over Thorgy’s pool table was certainly...something different.

It was over a month since the night of her break-up with Tati, that near miss where she’d come so scarily close to a confession. Once in a while, late at night, she’d have a brief twinge of regret for not being honest. Most of the time though, she felt like she’d absolutely made the right call--their friendship was stronger than it had ever been. So Roy’s dumbass horndog behavior tonight was actually making her laugh.

Maybe it was Courtney’s eye rolls as he rubbed against her, but Adore didn’t find Roy nearly as annoying as she used to. He was no longer a looming, oppressive reminder of her hopeless crush. He was just a guy who came back from college to awkwardly hang out with his high school friends over winter break. A guy who was currently grinding pathetically against his girlfriend, trying (and failing) to get some affection.

“I thought you were gonna teach me Vanessa’s tricks,” Courtney said, pushing him away gently as she lined up her cue.

“I’m trying, but I need to get close,” Roy said, pulling her ass back against him. He leaned forward and murmured something into her hair, something which made her burst out laughing.

“Ummm...no offense, babe, but I don’t really feel like you’d be on your A game tonight,” Courtney said, still giggling.

“Rude,” he pouted.

Courtney looked up, catching Adore’s eye and sending her another exaggerated eye roll. Adore smiled back at her, shaking her head.

“Do you want to sleep over tonight?” Courtney asked.

“Yes,” Roy said, moving her hair aside to kiss her neck.

“Not you!” Courtney said, swatting him on the shoulder before giving Adore an exasperated look. “I meant Dory.”

Adore knew that it was petty, but she couldn’t help the slight thrill that Courtney was choosing her over Roy. It didn’t mean anything--they’d gotten back into their old habit of Adore staying with her every time Bonnie worked a night shift, and she knew that’s all it was. And anyway, it probably wasn’t going to happen, given the way Roy was now pouting and whining.

“Why her? She gets to see you all the time!” Roy argued, indignant. When Courtney didn’t immediately cave, he tried a softer tactic. “Please, baby, I miss you so much…”

“Fine. You can have the floor,” Courtney said, taking Adore by such surprise that she didn’t have time to cover her mouth before a loud cackle of laughter escaped.

“You are the meanest girlfriend in the entire world,” Roy said.

“I know.” Courtney leaned forward and kissed him gently on the cheek.

-

PEARL: How was your sleepover?

ADORE: So weird

PEARL: Did all three of you pile into Courtney’s bed?

ADORE: Ew, not that weird. No, Roy slept on the floor in a sleeping bag and Courtney and I slept in her bed. So like...just awkward as fuck.

PEARL: What’s wrong, you don’t like spooning her while her boyfriend is 2 feet away?

ADORE: Ugh

PEARL: Wanna come over today? Trin’s gonna be here in like an hour

ADORE: I can’t. I told Court I’d go ice skating with her and Roy.

PEARL: Well well well, how cosy

ADORE: Shut up

PEARL: The three musketeers

ADORE: SHUT UP

Adore sighed. She supposed it was probably strange that she’d been spending her whole break hanging out with Courtney and Roy, but it wasn’t her fault. Courtney invited her everywhere and Roy was just...always there. Besides, when it really came down to it, she liked Roy. And she liked how happy Courtney was when all three of them were together. And to her relief, they’d chilled out a lot on the PDA, now more like an old married couple who teased each other constantly and bickered playfully, using Adore to settle every disagreement.

So, if they had to be the Three Musketeers for another week, Adore was actually fine with that.

-

The musical for their senior year was The Scarlet Pimpernel, and Courtney was absolutely beside herself with glee when she landed the lead. All weekend, she listened to the soundtrack on repeat, falling in love with the music and story and her character, a French actress named Marguerite who was embroiled in a complicated love triangle with her British aristocrat husband and her French revolutionary ex-lover. She sang the songs over and over until she knew them by heart, and drove everyone in the household bonkers with her attempt at a French accent.

They had their first cast reading on a Monday evening in mid-January, and as usual, Mrs. Maguire had them sing through their songs as best they could. Courtney was especially excited when it came time to sing her duet with Adore, who was cast as her brother. It was a gorgeous, sappy ballad and one of her favorites in the show, always making her tear up.

Adore began a bit tentatively, since she hadn’t spent nearly as much time listening to the soundtrack as Courtney, but after a few bars, she got into it too, the drama of clinging to her “sister” as they waited in jail, facing the guillotine together.

“You are my home You make me strong And in this world of strangers, I belong to someone You are all I have You’re all I have; I need you so…”

Courtney, of course, had already memorized every word, and she sang directly into Adore’s eyes, arms wrapped around her neck.

Later, in her office, Mrs. Maguire was sitting pensively, brow furrowed in concern when Thorgy came in to let her know that the crew was finished cleaning up.

“Thor...let me ask you a question. I need a...second opinion.”

“Sure.”

“Do you think it was a mistake casting Courtney and Adore as siblings?”

“How so?” he asked carefully.

She cleared her throat. “Well...do you think they have too much of a...how should I put this...romantic vibe?”

Thorgy burst out laughing.

“Mrs. Maguire...girl…you don’t know the half of it.”

“So, I didn’t imagine that?”

“No. They’ve always been like that,” he told her.

“I mean, I knew they were close friends, but...isn’t Courtney still dating Roy?”

“Yeah...yeah. But…well, you saw it.” Thorgy chuckled again.

“Oy.” Mrs. Maguire picked up a cast list. “I may need to change some things around.”

The next day, a solution fell into her lap when Willam came to see her during the fourth period, looking more distraught than she’d ever seen him. Apparently, he was committed to the show choir for the Spring, and there were a bunch of scheduling conflicts with rehearsals, making it damn near impossible for him to play the title role he’d gotten. It was unsettling to see a kid who was normally as cool as a cucumber so upset.

“I don’t want to quit, I love doing the plays so much,” he said tearfully, and she jumped up to give him a hug.

“Of course you don’t want to quit. Listen, honey, it’s your senior year. We can definitely figure out a way for you to do both, okay? I might have to shuffle some casting, but it’ll all work out. I promise.” She hugged him again, patting him on the back.

“If you tell anyone I cried, I’ll key your car,” came his muffled voice, and she laughed, promising to keep his shameful secret.

Once he left, she sat back down, a relieved sigh leaving her. This could work out perfectly.

She spoke to all the kids individually about their new casting. Bob was over the moon when he found out he’d be taking over Willam’s title role: the wealthy aristocratic Percy, Courtney’s new husband, who uses his foppish clothing obsession as a cover in order to go into France and rescue his friends from the guillotine. And Willam was thrilled that not only did he still have a part, but a good one--taking over Adore’s role as Courtney’s brother, Armand. Adore was also delighted--she now had Bob’s role, a radical and sexy French revolutionary and compelling villain. After reading the script closely a few times, she asked Mrs. Maguire if it was necessary to play her new character, Chauvelin, as a man.

“Can’t I be a radical leftist woman instead?” she asked, during that first week of rehearsals.

“I don’t see why not,” Mrs. Maguire answered, tossing out a casual, “Courtney, Chauvelin is now your ex-girlfriend, not your ex-boyfriend.”

Courtney looked up with wide eyes before smiling and nodding, giving Adore a sassy wink. This show was certainly going to be interesting.

-

As a gentle knock sounded, Courtney rolled over slightly, whimpering. She was achy and feverish and felt absolutely awful. And to make matters worse, she’d missed two whole days of rehearsal with no telling when she’d feel better. At this rate, Mrs. Maguire would probably be giving her part away to her understudy, a freshman who’d never even been in a play before.

“Come in,” she said weakly, tears collecting in her eyes as she thought about how unfair it all was. She’d worked so hard, taken ensemble roles and been an understudy herself and helped with ticket sales and sold ads for every program and never complained, and now she was probably going to lose her one chance to be the lead in a musical.

Adore pushed the door open, offering a sympathetic, “Hey, babe, how ya doin’?”

Courtney tried to lift her head, even that small movement making her wince in pain, hot tears trickling down her cheeks.

“Don’t get up!” Adore rushed to her side, placing a few books on her nightstand. “I just came by to bring your homework.”

“Thanks,” Courtney said, sniffling.

“What’s the matter?” Adore pressed a cool hand to her cheek, lips turned down in a frown as a tear slipped down Courtney’s face.

“I’m just worried that Mrs. Maguire’s gonna give my part away,” Courtney admitted.

“Don’t worry about that. It took all of today’s rehearsal to get through half of ‘The Creation of Man.’ We have plenty of shit to work on without you. Besides, no one but you could do that part justice, anyway.”

Courtney blinked back her tears, gazing up at Adore with a grateful expression.

“Really?”

“Yeah, I promise!” Adore laughed, climbing into her bed to sit beside her. “Stop worrying, okay?”

“Aren’t you afraid you’ll get sick too?” Courtney said, pulling her blankets tighter around her shoulders.

“Nahh. You know Bonnie makes me do that dumb FluMist vaccine every year. I’m invincible.”

“I don’t think that’s actually true,” Courtney said, covering her mouth with her elbow to cough.

“Well, whatever. It’s worth it to hang out with my best friend.” Adore smiled down at her, and Courtney felt like she might cry all over again.

“Thanks, baby,” she murmured softly.

“Omigod, also...the craziest shit happened today at lunch, I have to tell you about it.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, okay so first of all...did you know that Violet applied to Columbia early-decision and got in?”

“Wow.”

“Wow is right!” Adore exclaimed. “I mean, I know she’s smart, but she doesn’t give a shit about school. But apparently she got like, practically a perfect score on her SATs. And then everyone else started talking about what school they want to go to and they have all these plans and backup plans and I just...I had no idea our friends were like...so school motivated. It’s fucking weird.”

It surprised Courtney too...maybe not as much as Adore, because she’d figured that Trinity would have ambitious school plans, and Fame as well. And Pearl, well Pearl wasn’t very scholarly, but she assumed that she’d want to go to an art school or something.

“And I guess you’re probably planning to go to UCLA and move in with Roy or something,” Adore mumbled.

Courtney let out a rueful laugh, shaking her head. “I don’t have the grades for that.”

“What?” Adore looked confused. “Your grades are fine.”

“They’re okay. I could probably get into a Cal State. But Ms. Patterson told me in the fall that any UC is a pipe dream. So I’m probably gonna just do two years at a community college and then transfer.”

“Wait, seriously?”

“Yeah,” Courtney said, a deep sigh leaving her. “It’s for the best. We’ll save a bunch of money. My dad said he’d pay for my room and board, so I can still move out, thank god.”

“Move out where? Are you staying in the area?”

��No...but I dunno exactly. People say that Santa Barbara City College is good. Or Santa Monica college. It would be so great to be by the beach.”

“Ugh, I’d love to live near the beach. What I really want is to just move to LA, get some shitty retail job or whatever, and work on my music. I’m like, so close to convincing Bonnie what a good idea it is.”

“Adore! Omigod!” Suddenly, the aching in Courtney’s exhausted body didn’t matter, as she hoisted herself into a seated position to look directly into Adore’s hazel eyes. “We should be roommates!”

“Really?”

“Yeah! It would be perfect! Don’t you think?!” A smile lit up Courtney’s eyes, so big she thought it might split her face in two.

“Well...yeah, maybe...that could be cool.”

“I know, right?! Omigod, we’d have so much fun, and we could totally save money!” Courtney exclaimed, reaching forward to pull Adore in for a hug, her ecstatic joy pushing aside any thoughts of giving the flu to her friend.

Adore hugged her back, a light giggle slipping from her lips as she said, “I guess now we have a plan, too.”

-

Courtney was bone-tired. By the time she got over the flu, she’d missed a full week. Between catching up on her classes, the extra rehearsals, and struggling to memorize her lines, not to mention playing referee to Karen and Muriel’s latest argument over whether it was appropriate for Karen to have overnight guests, she felt like she could sleep for a week.

But she’d already agreed to this Saturday rehearsal, and she knew she needed it anyway, so she dragged herself out of bed and showed up at the theatre with an extra-large frappuccino that didn’t seem to help her exhaustion, but did make her jittery and off-balance.

That’s probably why she missed her cue, while working on her scene with Adore. At least, that’s what she would claim if anyone asked.

It was the scene in Act One where Adore’s character, Chauvelin, was trying to convince her to leave England and come back with her to Paris. She’d been zoning out a bit while Mrs. Maguire talked to Adore about the scene, explaining that her character needed to be angrier. Courtney really wasn’t paying attention like she should, but it was something about how Adore was supposed to be extra angry because not only did Marguerite abandon the French Revolution to marry a British aristocrat, but she’d also abandoned her.

Anyway, she wasn’t prepared when they started up the scene again, for the intensity with which Adore spoke her next line: “You do not belong in this cold land, with no one to understand you...to touch you.”

Adore let her fingers graze Courtney’s cheek before grabbing her waist and pulling her in roughly. A small gasp left Courtney’s lips, staring into Adore’s burning hazel eyes.

“The girl I knew could not bear this another moment,” Adore said, in a hoarse stage whisper.

As Adore inched closer, mouth softly parted, Courtney’s heart raced, fingers digging into Adore’s shoulders, eyes wide...

“Uh, Courtney?”

Courtney’s head snapped up, towards Mrs. Maguire’s voice. “Yes?”

“You’re supposed to push her away.”

“I know,” Courtney said, cheeks burning. “I was just trying to, um...act conflicted about it.”

“Wow, good work. We really believed you,” Mrs. Maguire said, and Courtney shoved Adore backwards, making her stumble slightly, nearly tripping over her feet.

“Oh god, are you okay?” Courtney reached for her hand to steady her.

“Yeah, sorry, I, uh…”

“Why don’t we take this section again, from Marguerite’s line ‘What do you know of it?’” Mrs. Maguire said, disguising her amused chuckle as a cough.

“Yeah, sure, okay.” Courtney brushed off her hands, hoping that the burning in her cheeks wasn’t obvious to everyone watching.

-

“So, Karen’s into Palm Reading now, huh?”

“Uh huh,” Courtney laughed. They were sitting around the tree in their usual lunch spot, Courtney sharing her mother’s latest passion by attempting to read Adore’s palm.

“So is that shitty broken one my lifeline?”

“No, this one is your lifeline…” Courtney said, finger trailing across Adore’s palm, making her giggle.

“And? What do you think?”

“You’re gonna live a long time.” Courtney grinned at her, eyes shining.

“Fuck,” Adore pouted. “You sure? Can I change that?”

Willam let out a braying laugh.

“Yeah, I know what you mean, lesbian. Personally I want to die young and beautiful.”

“One out of two isn’t bad,” Violet shrugged, earning a punch on the shoulder. “Ow!”

“Good one,” Trinity giggled.

“Watch it, cuz. I could punch you, too,” warned Willam.

“You just fucking try it. I dare you.”

“Guys, please calm down,” Fame interjected. As always, the voice of reason.

Still holding Adore’s hand, Courtney touched her palm again, shivers traveling up her arm.

“Stop it,” Adore said, biting her lip, but making no move to pull her hand away.

“A long, long life…” Courtney continued, flashing her winning smile.

Adore smiled back, but then off Violet’s intentionally loud scoff, she cleared her throat and finally snatched her hand back, just as Bob approached the group.

“Hey, uh...I need to speak to my wife,” Bob said, and Courtney laughed, getting up and following him a little ways away from the group.

“Is everything okay? Do you need-”

“What’s going on with you and Adore?” he asked quickly, head tilted down at her, brow slightly furrowed.

“What do you mean?” Courtney’s thoughts started racing, her heart beating quickly.

“Don’t play dumb with me, I’ve known you since we were 4.”

“I’m not playing!” Courtney said. “Maybe I’m just dumb?”

Bob put his hands on his hips, glaring at her. After a moment, he narrowed his eyes and said, “He really loves you--”

Courtney sighed. “I know, Bob. Okay? You don’t think I know that? And I love him-”

“--More than you deserve.”

Courtney looked at him for a long moment, a sarcastic comeback on the tip of her tongue, which she swallowed down, defeated, shifting her gaze to the ground.

“I know.” Her voice broke on the last word, a lump rising in her throat.

Bob’s voice seemed to soften a little, saying, “Look...I’m just trying to-”

“I know, you’re looking out for your friend,” Courtney said tiredly, still avoiding his knowing brown eyes. Tears stung in her own eyes. “I get it.”

“No. I’m looking out for my friends.”

At that, Courtney looked up at him, surprised.

“You’re my friend too,” he continued. “And Adore’s my friend. And I just don’t want anyone to get hurt.”

Courtney bit her lip, nodding. “Me neither,” she managed to whisper, before a single tear began to burn its way down her cheek. Bob pulled her in for a hug.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“I know.” Courtney sniffled against his shoulder. “You’re a good husband.”

“Oh yeah? Then why aren’t you in the kitchen making me some pie?”

Courtney laughed, parting from him with a good-natured shove.

“You okay?”

She nodded. “I really do love him, you know.”

“Yeah. Okay.” He smiled ruefully. “Things can’t ever be easy, huh?”

“No, I guess not.”

He pressed one last fatherly kiss to her forehead before leaving to join his own lunch group. Courtney took a moment more to collect herself, then walked back to the tree.

“What was that all about?” Pearl asked. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, just some stuff about the play.”

“I’m so excited to see this play, it’s all you guys talk about,” Tati said.

“Yeah, better live up to the hype,” Trinity warned.

“Oh, it will,” Adore promised her with a charming grin. “We’re fucking amazing.”

“Damn right it will. Although, let’s be honest, I would have been a much better Percy than Bob,” said Willam.

“Ehhh…” Courtney grimaced.

“Fuck you, cheerleader!” Willam exclaimed, chucking an orange slice at her face.

“No I mean, you’d have been great in the campy parts, but the sincere romantic stuff? Not so much.”

“Yeah, remember last year? You two were the least believable teen romance ever,” Adore laughed, and Courtney joined in, nodding.

“Exactly.”

“Are you saying I can’t play it straight?” Willam looked deeply offended.

“Yeah, that’s exactly what we’re saying,” Adore told him.

“Oh yeah? Well, watch this…Come here, Virginia.” He grabbed Tati, who immediately squirmed away.

“Don’t touch me,” she said, pushing him onto the grass.

“Sorry.”

“See? A straight guy wouldn’t have listened,” Violet commented drily, making all of them crack up.

[infinitelytheheartexpands]

pretty sure I've asked you this before, but since you've seen more operas/opera productions since, what's an opera you've seen more than one production of, and what are your thoughts on those productions? What do you like about some over others? How do you feel about the various casts? Do certain production concepts work better than others, and why?

Okay, so I’m gonna go ahead and do what I did when I hijacked your trouser role quiz post (sorry about that) to talk about a bunch of different Faust productions except I’m gonna talk about them MORE. so INCOMING:

Vienna 1985: first full production I ever watched, so it has that sentimental value. the biggest no for me is that the director decided to make Marguerite a nun??? (she gets kicked out after Act III) the production is set somewhere in the French countryside during the Napoleonic Wars and it actually works pretty well overall! not a fan of the extraneous ballet dancers, though. but there’s some really great stageplay and special effects (the golden calf is a sight to behold, and the church scene is incredibly creepy and I like it even though once again, LOSE THE EXTRANEOUS DANCERS PLEASE). the cast is really fantastic. Raimondi is still one of my favorite Méphistophélès(es?). even in the nun costume, Benackova is an amazing Marguerite. all in all: good show. lose the dancers. also the apotheosis is creeeeeeeeeeepy.

Paris 1975: the video quality was...kinda bad, not helped by the fact that the production is somewhat dingy. I like the vibe it was trying to go for but it just didn’t really work. the ROH did it way better. cast is excellent: Gedda is Gedda, Freni is Freni, Soyer is Soyer (and pulls off a baby blue suit at one point which is itself no mean feat). I like it! not my favorite though.

Geneva 1995: not great video quality either but pretty pretty PRETTY. the garden is particularly wonderful. also tries to go for the same vibe as Paris/later ROH and falls short of the latter. Samuel Ramey IS Méphistophélès. rest of the cast is wonderful too. not sure if there are any other Ramey Faust productions, but even if there are, must watch just for him.

And now for the ongoing ROH production saga:

Three broadcasts, all of the same wonderful McVicar Belle Époque Paris production. (This was the setting that both Paris and Geneva tried to get right but simply didn’t measure up). It’s a lot of fun, start to finish. Great visuals, great choreography (we get the ballet! and well done at that), great costumes (the Walpurgisnacht costume for Méphistophélès is iconic). No wonder it’s a company hit. Also this is just me personally but I fall hook, line, and sinker for any over-the-top Belle Époque aesthetic.

ROH 2004: Alagna, Gheorghiu, Terfel, Keenlyside, Koch. What more could you ask for? They’re all great (even if, sorry, that blonde wig is ugly as sin. just let Gheorghiu use her normal hair or at least a wig like it and stop trying to associate blondeness with pure heroines. end mini-rant). this is the first of 3 Alagna Fausts I’ve seen and he’s great in all of them. Gheorghiu is her amazing self, so is Terfel, Keenlyside is pure luxury casting in a pretty small role, and in Koch you see the beginning of a very nice career. the OG. it’s great.

ROH 2011: Gheorghiu is back! I liked her more in the 2004 outing tbh but she still does very well. Grigolo is Grigolo—I actually do like his voice but a) not as good as Alagna IMO and b) he’s a total creep/milker (ironically, it was a different run of this exact production that caused everyone to realize that and in turn was a pretty big scandal last year but I digress). Pape is glorious—this is one of 3 Fausts I’ve seen him do and he’s also great in all of them. Dima is even more of a luxury casting and Losièr is her utterly adorable self as Siébel.

ROH 2019: probably my least favorite overall cast of the three but still very, very good. they have tough competition. Fabiano and Schrott are my favorites in the cast (and not to be shallow but Schrott by far does the best job of pulling off the iconic Walpurgisnacht outfit IMO). Lungu is also very good (although we seriously need to lose the wig because it flatters no one). Dégoût and Fontanals-Simmons make good work of their roles.

I’m still mad that no one filmed the 2014 Calleja/Yoncheva (no wig!)/Terfel/Keenlyside/Pokupić revival.

Orange 2008: Once again a Belle Époque look, once again well-done overall. I have conflicting feelings about using such a huge space and huge forces: it feels right for some scenes but feels completely wrong for others. the effects and sets the space allows for, however, are very impressive. Siébel is sung by a tenor which is unforgivable (also the amount of abuse the poor child goes through...give him a hug). Alagna and Pape are both back and glorious. Inva Mula isn’t my favorite Marguerite but she does perfectly well. Jean-François Lapointe is a very good Valentin. not sure how I feel about this one overall.

Met 2011: the concept is kinda wonky to me (is it a flashback? is it him actually becoming young again? who knows?) and the visuals can often be off-putting, but it sufficiently works as a concept overall and makes for great theater. Pape once again proves how devilishly awesome he can be, Kaufmann is wonderful as always and I stg he MUST have actually sold his soul to the devil for That One Diminuendo (you know the one), and Poplavskaya is nothing short of wrenching. Losièr is yet again a completely precious Siébel and Russell Braun may not exactly be luxury casting but he still holds his own in a great cast.

Paris 2011: what??? the??? everloving??? hell??? is??? going??? on??? here??? seriously, this production (especially the first act and the final scene) is nothing short of bonkers. where are we??? when are we??? it’s impossible to tell. which is a crying shame because the aesthetic itself is good (a very impressive unit set) and the cast is excellent. Alagna and Mula team up again with great results, Paul Gay is a surprisingly good Méphistophélès (I had only seen him in one other production before and wasn’t a huge fan), Tassis Christoyannis is great (although I pity the nonsense stage business he has to do), Angelique Noldus is cute as cute can be, and even the smaller roles are well-cast (Marie-Ange Todorovitch and Alexandre Duhamel!). the production is just...what even, though. 

I hope that answers it!

[lady-plantagenet]

Ship bingo: Henry VI and Marguerite d'Anjou

@kafkastan tagged you in this because I don’t know who anonymous is. (Anons don’t be shy x; I’m the biggest chump on here, you have nothing to worry about). And yes Nora, haven’t yet and for a second there thought you were the anon XD XD

Some Comments: So. Wow the only shipbingo I put ‘it’s complicated’ for. In other times I would have just been like ‘nope’, but reading your fics (highly recommended btw check her out on AO3 as strikethesun) and discord comments has influenced me somewhat to understand that a ‘ship’ can be of great interest and meaning without it being your(well my) typical ‘they find each other hot, they defied authority to get married’ etc. I’ve also done quite a lot of research on Margaret because of the upcoming chapter (late coming cause of the Ficathon assignment *winks*) so I at least have some opinions and emotions towards one side of this ship atm. I *am* picky about it! I mean especially after hearing accounts of the horrendous histfic out there (you know I mean the one with watersports), I think I would only trust someone with nuance to write about this pairing), and as it follows I’m intrigued by the many paths this could be approached. By now I have my own headcanons but I can also see the multitude of different ways, after all there is a wide spectrum with many shades between friendship and romantic love (maybe even sexual but I have to admit this part confuses me a bit). I do and would continue reading your fic about it, but despite the promise of character study this could take I don’t see many others thought I would be interested ~.

The ‘softly’ and ‘unhealthily’ categories I feel are especially appropriate for this situation. You see, usually it is the woman who is credited with softening her man up but I love the trope subversion. We know Margaret had some soft sides (deriving great entertainment from fixing matches for her ladies: ‘She was an indefatigable match-maker, and seldom ceased meddling with the private affairs of the gentry (Letters of Margaret of Anjou, Camden Soc.; Ramsay, ii. 128, 141; Paston Letters, i. 134, 254, 305, ed. Gairdner’)) and she bring a 'devout pilgrim to the shrine of Boccaccio' (Chastellain, vii. 100. ed. Kervyn de Lettenhove), delighting in her youth in romances of chivalry, and seeking consolation in her exile and misfortunes from the sympathetic pen of Chastellain’ - my feelings for Chastellain himself aside, 🥺. Basically, I know she’s popularly seen as a girl-boss from birth but she really seemed pushed into assuming her more martial position by circumstances and need (and I admire her even more for that tbh) and that’s why I feel like she loved Henry for his more pious, gentle self. The feels kick in with my headcanon that the kingdom falling apart leads her to resenting Henry a bit, without wanting to, at least initially before she accepts her unconventional role as the leader of the Lancastrian movement and inwardly thanks god that it was her that was put into this position rather than someone of weaker resolve. After all, there’s two sides to Margaret’s family: Réné the big renaissance and romantic man who both supported Joan of Arc but also spent many years in captivity with his wife doing the exegies... pretty much like Margaret and Henry hhhh!! Those double apparitions haunt me. I guess you can see where the ‘unhealthily’ kicks in - the initial resentment she feels and the stress and hardening she needs to go through during this metamorphosis before making peace with the situation and taking on the role with some willingness that later turns in persistent ambition and resolve. Her son is talked about enough as the motivation but what about her husband???

I put unrequited/one-sided in there too because I wouldn’t mind seeing that but like from both of their sides if it makes sense LMAO. Like she thinks he has no interest in her and is downright a monk (being young, confused and thinking romantic love cannot exist without sexual love), whereas he feels like he continuously disappoints her because he is well aware of the courtly background she comes and knows he doesn’t fit the rubrik ;’(. The mutual pining would be especially poignant if it remained that way after they are separated by exile, growing especially strong in that one night they are both in the tower but do not see each other. They both have thoughts that have turned in their heads while facing their respective moments of isolation and despair but neverthelles even now at this moment of physical proximity they cannot express them... Idk I have an odd amount of headcanons and feelings for Henry VI/Margaret of Anjou which is odd because they never pop up in my head when anyone asks me what my ships are. Tbh that one picture by @sneez (you know the one with Henry crying and the baby) did hit me a bit. I also put best friends because I like the idea that they may have been a platonic thing all along, but I mean this more in sense that I am ok with them being portrayed as a couple where one is ace (Henry) rather than one where they have no sexual feelings towards each other AND there is none of that romantic tenderness... somehow I feel like I need there to be some romantic feelings in there ngl, I just feel it...

Tbh with the squares I said pretty much everything I had to say so perhaps there’s no point in me adding the ‘The Ship’ extra heading, but, I think the only negative feeling J have about this ship is that I can’t help but feeling some resentment myself towards Henry... I mean when all is said and done he is the main factor why the country got into such a state and now that I know it’s unclear just quite how *mad* he was I sometimes feel like people don’t stop and think enough about how he should have tried harder into stopping the factionalism from growing and moulded himself. There are many far more educated and knowledgeable about him as a person so I would like to be told if I’m entirely wrong in my assessment, it’s just that while I am no *Yorkist* I think that it can be quite silly how people criticise Warwick and York relentlessly as if they should have accepted the sorry condition of the country and just got on with it. Though of course, I in no way think their demonisation of Margaret was fair, hélas! In any case my feelings towards HVI though complicated (his scholarliness is massive brownie point for him from me not that it matters) still tend towards positive more than negative and I do ship it!

[sweetmemories2606]

Day 1: Home

It's been a while, but of course I couldn't miss Gruvia Week 2020. 

Title: Back To You

Summary: 6 months. That's how long Juvia had to wait while Gray was infiltrating Avatar. There were moments when she worried, but always knew that he would come back home. 

Pairings: Gruvia (Pregnant) + Lyredy

Timeline: Avatar Arc

Genre: Fluff + Angst 

Word Count: 2000

Happy reading!

                      -----------------------------------------

                                      April X792

One month after Juvia had told him that she was pregnant, they were starting to get used to the idea of becoming parents.

She was glad that Gray seemed much happier after they had many conversations addressing his fear of not being a good father and of something happening to her or the baby.

She had understood because they were her fears too. However, she told him that they needed to focus on the positive or else they could never be the parents that this child needed.

Gray had known she was right. They couldn't focus on the darkness when the light was right there, growing inside her. Their child, their new beginning.

Juvia had convinced him to; for once in his life; live in the present and enjoy their time together before the baby came.

Unfortunately, they were forced to be apart after he received news of an important mission.

Juvia woke to find his side of the bed empty; which was surprising considering at such an early hour. Jumping out of bed, she put on a bathrobe and went downstairs.

Gray was in the kitchen; his back turned to her; making pancakes. She watched him in surprise for a few moments until he turned around.

"Good morning." He greeted her with a tense smile.

"Good morning, my love." Juvia immediately noticed that something wasn't right. "What's wrong?"

Avoiding answering, Gray backed up a chair. "Why don't you sit down?"

She frowned, but complied. "Alright."

He went back to the stove and turned it off before taking the pan and walking back to the table. Not a word was said while he placed one pancake in the plate in front of her and another for himself.

"So, what's the occasion?" Juvia jokingly asked after he sat down in front of her.

"Juvia...there's something I need to tell you."

"What is it, my love?" She reached for his hand and held it.

"I got a call last night, from Erza."

"Oh. What did she say?" Juvia was curious. They hadn't spoken to anyone from Fairy Tail since the guild had been disbanded.

Gray squeezed her hand. "She told me about this dark guild, Avatar. They have been unusually active lately; recruiting many new members."

"It's good of Erza to warn us, but why…." He interrupted her.

"Jellal told her that he's worried they might make a move soon. So she wants me to infiltrate Avatar and figure out what their plan is."

"Infiltrate?" Juvia frowned and dropped his hand. "And why you?"

"Because of my demon slaying magic." Gray answered. "Jellal thinks this plus the black markings might be enough to convince them I've turned evil or something."

"Well, if you're going to Avatar then I…." About to suggest she tag along, Juvia suddenly remembered.

"You can't." Gray moved his chair closer to hers before placing a hand on her stomach. "It's too dangerous for the baby."

"And I can't use magic either." She sighed.

"I know I promised I wouldn't leave you, but this mission is important." Looking into his eyes, she could tell he was still conflicted. "If we don't figure out what they're planning, many people could die."

There was silence for a few moments before Juvia spoke. "I understand."

"Look, it shouldn't take longer than a month, okay?" Gray leaned in to press a soft kiss against her lips. "I'll be back before you know it."

                  -----------------------------------------

                                 Late May X792

A month passed but Gray did not yet return to her. Per his request, Juvia had been staying at Lamia Scale where the couple believed would be safe for her and the baby.

Being at the guild certainly helped her feel better after his departure since she had Lyon, Wendy and Chelia to keep her company.

Even Meredy had come to the guild a few weeks before to keep an eye on her though Juvia suspected her reason to stay was actually the handsome ice mage. Those two had become very close and many guild members suspected they were dating.

Though happy for her friend, seeing Lyon and Meredy connect only made Juvia miss her own boyfriend even more. She had hoped they would be reunited by now, but apparently his mission was not over yet.

"He'll be back soon." Wendy came to find her sitting in the back garden.

"I'm starting to lose hope." Juvia admitted gloomily.

"No, you can't think like that." The younger girl sat beside her.

"He said he'd only be gone for one month." The water mage sighed. Feeling a kick, she placed a hand on her baby bump.

"Can I feel it too?" Wendy shyly asked after watching her for a moment.

Juvia nodded. "Of course." Taking Wendy's hand, she guided it towards the spot where the kicks were coming from.

"Whoa." Her eyes widened. "That's amazing."

                 -----------------------------------------

                                  June X792

Juvia finally got to see him again. They met in the woods outside Marguerite and Gray voiced his worry that someone from Avatar might have followed him.

They were reassured by Jellal that this was not the case, but Crime Sorciére still stayed close by to ensure the couple's safety.

After talking about what had been happening recently, Gray apologised for being away for so long and Juvia easily forgave him. They moved in for a hug, but he was almost pushed back.

His eyes widened in surprise before descending towards her stomach. "Is that..."

"Yes." Juvia smiled softly. Then, she took his hand and led it towards the spot where the kick had come from. "Can you feel it?"

"Incredible." He murmured, mesmerised. Then his eyes rose to meet hers. "You are incredible."

Her smile brightened. "So are you, my love." They leaned in for a soft kiss and the baby kicked harder this time.

Pulling apart, Gray chuckled and returned his hand to her stomach. "I guess she wants our full attention."

"She?" Juvia raised a brow.

He shrugged. "It's just a feeling."

A smile lit up her face."I didn't know you were hoping for a girl."

Another kick. Gray looked at her curiously. "Well, what are you hoping for?"

"To be honest, I hope we have a boy." She answered dreamily. "Then he will be like you. A mini Gray."

He chuckled. "I figured you'd say that."

                 -----------------------------------------

                                July X792

Chelia finally asked the question everyone had been dying to know the answer to during Lyon's birthday party. Him and Meredy were acting too much like a couple and the young god slayer couldn't take it anymore.

After they had cut the cake and Lyon offered Meredy the first piece, Chelia looked at them in annoyance. "Can you two stop driving us crazy and just admit that you're dating?"

The couple shared confused looks. "I thought everyone knew."

"We did." Juvia said, smiling at them. "We just needed confirmation."

"Is this confirmation enough for you?" Lyon asked before snaking an arm around Meredy's waist, bringing her close, before leaning in for a passionate kiss that she gladly reciprocated.

"I suppose it is." Sherry smiled while leaning closer to her husband. Ren wrapped an arm around her shoulder while the other held their 5 months old daughter, Aimi.

"Wow." Wendy stared at them in amazement.

"It was about time." Chelia rolled her eyes.

"I'm so happy for them." Juvia watched the couple joyfully. Though tears threatened to fall once she remembered the time when her relationship with Gray had been like this, she pushed them away. "He'll be back soon."

                 -----------------------------------------

                              September X792

The next time she saw him, she was 8 and a half months pregnant. It was a few days after the Thanksgiving Festival when Lucy, Natsu and Happy had surprised everyone by showing up.

After catching up and discussing their plan to reunite Fairy Tail, they had left with Wendy to find Gray.

Though Juvia had felt bad about lying to them regarding his mission, she knew it was for the best. Should they arrive in Avatar, this could compromise his safety and ruin the entire plan.

With this in mind, the next few days were torture as Juvia waited and worried. The Lamia Scale members tried to distract her, but this time it was no use.

She was in the garden again-it had become her favourite spot-looking after Aimi since Sherry and Ren dropped her off at the guild before going on a mission. Hearing footsteps, she saw Lyon and Meredy approaching her.

"Hey." The latter offered a smile.

"How are you?" The former asked.

"Waiting." Juvia stressfully replied, keeping both hands on her stomach.

Now in front of her, Lyon sighed before sitting down. "We all are."

"I'm sure everything will be fine." Meredy reassured, sitting by his side.

"I really want to believe that." Tears began forming and this time Juvia didn't push them away.

Soon Aimi started crying too and the couple exchanged looks before Lyon carefully picked his goddaughter up and held her while Meredy moved closer to the water mage to hug her.

Though she wanted to comfort her friend, she knew that there was only one person who could make Juvia feel better now.

Almost like a miracle, the familiar voice was heard. "Juvia?"

She pulled away from Meredy's embrace and midnight blue eyes searched for him. Gray stood only a few feet away, surrounded by Lucy, Natsu, Erza, Gajeel, Levy and the exceeds. All were safe and sound.

"You're...here." Juvia sobbed. With Meredy's help she stood up and started approaching him.

However, due to her emotional state and enlarged stomach, she stumbled and would have fallen if Gray hadn't come just in time to help her.

"You're here." Her hands reached for his face, midnight blue eyes stared at him in disbelief.

He embraced her as best as possible when her stomach was between them. "I'm home."

Still crying, Juvia laughed and Gray wiped away some of her tears. It wasn't long before they were kissing, but once again the moment was interrupted by a kick.

Reluctantly pulling apart, their attention went to their unborn child. "Hey there, little one. How have you been?"

"She has missed you." Juvia smiled softly.

"She?" His eyes widened.

She nodded. "You were right."

A triumphant look came upon his face, but it quickly morphed into one of adoration. "I love you both so much."

They leaned in for another desperate kiss and everyone joyfully watched as they were reunited after so long. Then, Natsu turned to Lucy with a bright smile. "Soon we're all going to be home."

                      -----------------------------------------

I hope everyone is doing okay despite these crazy times that we are currently living. Coronavirus has affected so many of us and I hope everyday that this crisis will be over soon.

Until life returns to normal, though, we should really take this time to reflect about how we treat our planet and the people who live in it. I hope we can learn to become more empathetic, compassionate and loving.

It's about time we realise that only by caring about others will we be able to solve this crisis.

[heauxplesslydevoted]

Moments (King Liam x MC)

Summary: Liam and Kendall enjoy the first few moments of their daughter’s life.

A/N: This has been siting on my computer for months now, and with TRH coming out on Friday, I decided I might as well upload it. Again, I’m not subscribing to the fact that my MC will more than likely give birth while trapped in the palace, so I’m retconning it.

Tags: @canknot @akacalliope @drakewalker04 @senseofduties @badchoicesposts @sirbeepsalot @janezillow @hopefulmoonobject @eadanga @texaskitten30

~v~

It’s a peaceful winter evening in Cordonia. Everything outside is quiet, the streets are calm, the sun is setting beautifully, and it almost doesn’t feel real.

King Liam decides it’s a perfect day. Not because of the weather or the sunset, no those are just added incentives. Today is perfect because it’s the day the Her Royal Highness, Victoria Juliette Eleanor, Princess of Cordonia was born. The official announcement hasn’t been made. Liam and Kendall decided that they’d do it first thing in the morning, opting to enjoy those first few hours of their daughter’s life in private.

In the privacy of Kendall’s luxurious maternity suite, Liam marvels at the tiny bundle of joy swaddled in a warm blanket. He reaches into the bassinet and slowly pulls the baby out, careful not to make any noise. The Queen is sleeping, 18 hours of labor having completely exhausted her, and the last thing Liam wants to do is disrupt her peace.

He has a daughter. A beautiful baby girl, a spitting image of her mother. Once she’s securely in his arms, he smiles down at her, a smile so bright and wide, his face might burst. “Hello there, little cub! I’m your daddy, and I am so happy to finally meet you. I’ve been waiting rather impatiently for the last 9 months to have this moment.”

“You look so much like your mother, it’s uncanny,” Liam says. “It’s a good thing, because in my completely biased opinion, she’s the most beautiful woman in all of Cordonia. And you’re the most perfect baby in all of Cordonia, so I consider myself to be a pretty lucky man.”

Liam slowly walks around the room, trying to keep the young princess calm. She’s awake, her bright blue eyes that rival his own slowly adjusting to how bright the world is. “You’ve had a very eventful day. I know this is probably weird for you, being out here. You’re used to a pretty calm, dark, quiet atmosphere in mommy’s tummy and all of a sudden, you’re being thrust into the world, with all of these noises and bright lights. It’s quite a shock.”

“I don’t think there are enough words to describe the joy I’m feeling right now. I didn’t think it was possible to be happier than I was than the day I married your mother, but here we are. When she told me she was pregnant with you, I was on cloud 9. Above everything else, I’ve always wanted to have a family of my own, and your mother gave that to me. She showed me that true love exists and it’s possible for someone in my station to find it. So when you grow up, I want you to always strive for what you want. Never settle for less, okay?”

The baby yawns in reply, earning a small chuckle from Liam. “Am I boring you, princess? I’ll have you know that your mother and I have a very fascinating love story, and I can’t wait to share it with you one day.”

Liam sighs. He’s been up for the past 24 hours straight, and he knows he should be getting some sleep, but he’s just too excited.

“Since you’re up and I’m up, maybe I should tell you a little bit about our lives and about myself. We live in a small country called Cordonia, right off the coast of Greece. I’m the King, and one day you will be the Queen. I know it sounds daunting and at times, I’m sure it will be, but your mother and I will be there to teach you and advise you along the way. But that’s a long time from now, and while it is a great privilege and responsibility, I will never burden you with the weight of the crown. I know all too well what that pressure can do to a person.”

“Your uncle and I didn’t have the luxury of just being children, but I promise that changes with you. If you want to have tea parties with Auntie Hana, go fishing with your Uncle Drake, or have dance parties with Uncle Maxwell, you go right ahead. I welcome it, and I encourage it. I never want you to feel like you’re being stifled.”

“You have so many people who can’t wait to meet you,” Liam continues. “There’s your grandmother Regina, and tons of aunts and uncles. Drake, Olivia, Hana, Leo, Maxwell, Bertrand and Savannah. They also have a baby, so you won’t be the only kid around here. And If your auntie Olivia ever tries to teach you knife throwing or weapon concealment, promise that you’ll tell me or your mommy right away. We told her she’s not allowed to introduce you to weaponry until you’re 16.”

“And there are tons of pets. Chance and Lucky, and their babies already love you dearly. I couldn’t tear them away from your mom while you were still in her tummy. I’m sure you all will be best friends. And there’s also two pandas, and a horse. They live in Valtoria at your mommy’s duchy.”

Liam stares down at the baby again. It still feels surreal, like this is a dream and he’s going to wake up soon. “I love you so much. I don’t know if there are enough ways I can express it. I love you. Te amo. Ti amo. Se agapó. Je t'aime. That’s all the different languages I know how to speak, and it still doesn’t put into words just how much you mean to me. But I’ll gladly learn more.”

They walked around the spacious suite for a few more minutes, Liam alternating between talking to his daughter and just marveling at how precious she is. He’s halfway through telling her about how his ancestor, Queen Valentina went from a scribe to a noblewoman to a queen, when he hears his own queen stirring from her sleep.

“Liam?”

He rushes to her bedside. “Hello, my love. I didn’t wake you, did I?”

“No.” Kendall’s eyes land on the baby and she smiles softly. “Is she sleeping?”

“She’s actually awake. I’ve just been telling her stories about Cordonian history. She’s an excellent listener.” Kendall chuckles and attempts to sit up, wincing slightly as she moves the wrong way. Liam instantly notices the discomfort. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, I just moved too quickly.”

Liam places the baby back in her bassinet and moves to his wife’s side. Placing a strong hand on her back, he helps her sit up, propping up pillows to use as support. He also drapes a blanket— a ridiculously expensive thing from Hermès, courtesy of Princess Marguerite — around her shoulders.

Once Kendall is settled into a sitting position, he picks up Victoria again and places her in Kendall’s arms.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone so...perfect.”

“She takes after her mother,” Liam says smoothly, joining his wife and daughter on the bed.

“Forever the charmer.”

“I only speak the truth.”

Kendall stares down at the baby again, fully taking her in. Her perfectly round head, her chubby cheeks, her stunning blue eyes, her dark hair peeking out of her tiny cap. “I think I want to stare at her 24/7 for the rest of my life.”

“We have a country to run, my queen,” Liam teases.

“Once they see how cute she is, the citizens will understand.” Kendall runs a finger along Victoria’s cheek and the baby leans into her mother’s touch. The simple act makes Kendall’s heart thud in her chest and tears prick the corners of her eyes. She’s a mom, this perfect bundle of joy in front of her is her’s. “I love her so much.”

“I love her too.”

Kendall thinks back to the past year and a half that she and Liam have endured. Conspiracies, assassination attempts, kidnappings, and intense alliance negotiations. All of that has brought them here, to this moment. To this serene, wonderful moment. 

“Maybe it’s the hormones, but I feel like crying,” Kendall confesses.

“It’s fine. I’ve been teetering on the verge of crying all day.”

“I just can’t believe she’s finally here. This feels like a dream.” Kendall leans down and kisses Victoria’s forehead. “You are...a site for sore eyes.”

Liam kisses Kendall’s temple, his lips lingering there for a moment. “You were amazing, my love. I can’t thank you enough for bringing Victoria into this world.”

“It was worth it,” Kendall says. “I’d do it all over again for her. All 18 hours.”

“When do you think we should call Madeleine, so she can tell the press?” Liam asks.

“It’s nighttime now,” Kendall replies, softly. “We can call her in the morning.”

“She’s going to be absolutely incensed that we waited a full 24 hours before notifying her.”

Kendall shrugs in nonchalance. Madeleine being upset with her is at the very bottom of her list of priorities. “She’ll just have to be mad then. I don’t care.”

She leans back against Liam’s chest and he wraps an arm around her shoulder. They sit in silence for a while, just soaking in all of the happiness of the moment.

“Kendall?”

Kendall manages to tear her eyes away from Victoria and looks at her husband. “Yes?”

“I love you,” Liam says simply. “I love you so much. You are heaven sent, and you’ve made every single one of my dreams come true.”

The Queen leans forward and gives Liam a soft kiss on the lips. “I love you just as much.”

Victoria makes a tiny noise, and Liam and Kendall look down at her, smiles on their faces. “And we love you too, princess.”

[lizzybeth1986]

Quick Thoughts on TRFTP Book 1 Chapter 16

• Remember how I dubbed the book The Royal Fast-Track Pregnancy last chapter? Well, yeah. That’s my title for this book from now on.

• If you don’t want to see these posts on your dash, here are the tags to block: #trh quick thoughts, #trh qts, #trh qt reblogs, #long post.

• We’re now in the MC’s third trimester, celebrating her baby shower. Her in-laws show up, she gets gifts, she barely notices that her corgis have had puppies (but why am I surprised, this is the same MC who didn’t care enough about her corgi in Book 2 to notice he was with Liam to help with his proposal). And a couple of nosy royals come to visit.

• Over here in India, we do this ceremony around the 7th month, and it’s called different names in different places but with similar traditions and setups. Up North it’s called godhbharai (which literally means “filling the lap” - since the mother’s lap features prominently here as a symbol of maternal care, therefore the gifts are placed on a cloth over her lap - symbolizing her fulfillment once she reaches motherhood and the blessings she takes with her), and mostly fruits and sweets are placed on her lap as a blessing for prosperity and luck. You have games…but the mother isn’t exactly expected to participate in them - she’s the guest of honour, she sits and enjoys!

• She definitely isn’t there to submit to such a thorough interrogation of her political choices either!!

• The rest of the world treats a baby shower like a time for the mother-to-be to relax and be pampered within an inch of her life. Cordonia treats it as an opportunity for her to beat non-pregnant people at their version of egg-and-spoon and pass personality tests.

• Screenshots:

Hana: The Universal Studio 77 YouTube channel

Maxwell: The rash rec YouTube channel

Drake: @thefirstcourtesan and The BizzysChoices YouTube channel

• Title: Great Expectations

Alternative Title: The State of My Bladder Is of Far More Importance Than Any of This Nonsense.

• Believe me, during your final months of pregnancy your bladder will be virtually non-existant (which is why you’re recommended kegel exercises early on). In medical terms they call this “urinary incontinence”, which is due to those muscles facing way more pressure than usual). At one point I recall joking about how we should add “The Bathroom” at the top of my home address, coz I was almost taking up permanent residence there 😐 I wouldn’t be worrying about politics and intrigue at a time like this, I’d be worrying about my kegels!

• Kiki doesn’t get a lot of opportunities to flex her diplomatic muscles in this story, but when she does, gosh does she deliver. Following her advice this time is what allows us to buy time for ourselves.

• Unfortunately that’s all the space PB will allow Kiara, we’re now back to our regular schedule of treating her like she doesn’t matter.

• Either Maxwell or Hana (in Maxwell’s playthrough) will lead us to the boutique to pick out an outfit.

• On a level of having more gold (therefore bling) than peach, that diamond option already wins. At least in the silhouette I can pretend the peach parts of this dress don’t exist. (I still wound up using the free peach outfit for my failplay of this chapter though)

• Me before meeting Hana: pls don’t make her wear that awful lbd again pls pls pls i beg

Me seeing Hana wear the silver one: …okay that’s not too bad. I’m just going to keep headcanoning this one as a gown though.

• Liam wears his official black tie outfit, Hana wears her silver dress, Maxwell wears his black suit and Drake his deep blue one.

• In everyone else’s playthrough besides Hana’s, she is the one in charge of this “planning committee”. Penelope is in charge of…throwing confetti, which annoys Olivia to end.

• Marguerite from THM steps forward with her good wishes, and asks us about the sex of the child - at which point the narrative lets us know that it’s tradition in Cordonia to not know until the delivery. Which makes sense, since we’ll probably be allowed to customize this in a different book? And in some countries (like mine, where it’s illegal to find out before delivery) there are really, really good reasons to not give anyone - especially the family - that information.

• We meet the rest of the royals: Eirik is as self-centered as he always was (either that or Khaan really desperately needs to make sure no one knows he’s that VR game developer from San Francisco who ran away from Eros), Lerato and Lesidi are cupcakes as always, and the Three Big Royals are shady as always.

• The good thing about the scene where Isabella tries to touch your belly is that it is established as out of line straightaway. You win or lose no points however you react, and while you’re expected to be diplomatic and impress them - the narrative is clear on how wrong Isabella is on doing this. And even if you don’t show a reaction, your LI most certainly will.

• PB is trying to convince me that Amalas has a better sense of boundaries, as if she didn’t stalk me in Texas and squeeze out every possible detail about my past life like an orange in a juicer. She only seems better because the Auvernese have all the subtlety of a sledgehammer.

• Most of the LIs have lost a parent, but have a sibling (except for Hana, who is an only child with both parents living. Liam has lost both his parents, but has a stepmother in Regina so she fulfills that role here) - which means that in every case besides Hana’s, we see one parent and one sibling who has become a parent (optional, in Leo’s case).

- Liam: Regina and Leo (YOU EXIST! I WAS ALMOST CERTAIN PB FORGOT YOU WERE THERE). The two lightheartedly tease each other, which is phenomenal progress considering they were at each other’s throats in RoE! Leo comes to wish the MC in all playthroughs.

- Hana: Lorelai and Xinghai. Hana has sent them an invitation but wasn’t sure they’d make it, and depending on whether she is married or not their response varies. In the friendly playthrough, they respond positively but the focus is still very much on seeing the MC. In the romantic playthrough, however, Hana is allowed to show her nervousness and slight fear (how generous, PB!), reaches out to the MC for support, and the parents are tentative in their approach, with Xinghai even assuring Hana that they will cut short their stay if she wants them to. To which she confirms that she does indeed want them here. The two come to wish the MC in all playthroughs, as Leo does.

- Maxwell: Bartie Sr and Bertrand. Bartie Sr tops even King Eirik for self-centeredness (“make way for House Beaumont!”) and is…just plain weird in the way he greets the MC and his younger son (even Maxwell notices this, commenting that ol’ Bartie is “laying it on a little thick”). Bertrand is the more normal, sorted one, which is a sentence I thought I’d never say in this series. The team was pretty smart in how they scattered BertVannah between two LIs - Drake gets a visit from his sister, Maxwell gets a visit from his brother. Neither Bartie Sr nor Bertrand make an appearance in any other playthroughs which is just as well coz I saw PLENTY Bertrand for 7 whole chapters.

- Drake: Bianca and Savannah. Bianca asks the MC if Drake has been “pulling his weight around the house” while the MC has been “worrying about that baby” - nice to know she expects the same of her son as she did for her son-in-law (or perhaps a little less than what she expects of her son-in-law, considering Bertrand had to get back an entire saddle from the person she sold it to just so he could win her favour, after she allowed her sister to treat him like crap for his entire stay at her home). Savannah mercifully doesn’t get a lot of dialogue and merely compliments our glow. Savannah only appears in this playthrough, while her husband Bertrand only appears in Maxwell’s. Which is a good thing. I’ve had enough of that couple to last me a lifetime (sorry Bertrand). You see both Bianca and Savannah only in this playthrough, and I’m EXTREMELY relieved we don’t see Leona.

• It must be clear to anyone who has read all the playthroughs by now - only Leo, Lorelai and Xinghai make appearances across playthroughs, which could either be because they haven’t been shown at all in the books until now, or possibly because they may feature in Lythikos.

• Okay it’s egg and spoon time but with apples. This is Cordonia. It wouldn’t be anything but apples.

•

When you’re a new mom the last thing on your mind is grace and poise ok. Put really really simply and not in too much detail…your brain will feel more scrambled than scrambled eggs esp in the initial weeks, coz half the time you’re trying to make sense of your kid’s sleep schedule and the other half is your body just….feeling WEIRD (hormonal shifts, postpartum bleeding, and generally the overall effects of childbirth - whether it is vaginally or via C-section, both of which come with their own set of challenges). Your own sleep schedule is going to be all over the place and even after the kid starts sleeping all through the night, sometimes your brain has already been wired to wake you up at 2 AM or something. Your back is gonna hurt like a bitch. Your hair will become a hornet’s nest within the first two weeks coz what even is combing (okay, okay, that was probably just me 😅😅). And this is just when things go normally, okay.

You don’t need grace and poise to take care of a kid at this stage - you need stamina and a strong support system. Cordonia (I mean YOU, TRH team) you really need to talk to more pregnant people 🤦🏽‍♀

(on a more serious note…this is why I feel there needs to be more dialogue on parenthood. What it’s truly like and how it really feels, without the kind of fear that holds especially new parents back from admitting to their feelings about it. New parenthood with all its mess and stresses, its frustrations and confusions. No matter how prepared you are, no matter how much reading up you’ve done, there will always be something about that experience that will knock you sideways. I’ve learned that the less shame there is around admitting that parenthood can be messy, can be trial-and-error rather than perfectly executed every single time, can be imperfect, the better it is for everyone. And maybe this is a lesson that parents in some places have had the space to learn already - and that’s amazing - but there are a whole bunch of places where that’s not the case. And there is so much pressure to make it sound better, to convince people this is an easy happy journey even when it isn’t, or to believe that your well-being isn’t as important as that of your child, that many new parents don’t speak up…believing they’re the only ones who feel this way).

But I digress. I do know that “grace and poise” is expected of pregnant royals and even pregnant celebs. I do know that often they’re expected to step out looking picture perfect after having to battle lack of sleep and insane hormonal changes. They’re expected to have “fit bodies” just months after they’ve delivered. This happens in the real world. And the more we talk about it? The more we can help parents, esp new parents who might struggle more to articulate this experience.

• So…where was I? Oh right, grace and poise. In a race involving a spoon and an apple. A spoon and an apple. Excuse me while I facepalm🤦🏽‍♀

• My bladder would never survive this race in a real-life pregnancy situation, I just know it.

• Self-centered or not, at least Khaan-in-disguise points out the obvious: that everyone else has a physical edge over us. But Leo assures him that speed doesn’t help you in this game (does that make me the tortoise among a bunch of hares if I win? 🐰 🐰 🐢 🐰 🐰)

• Scarlett-Emerson-in-disguise is an angel coz she’s the only person apologizing for bumping into my bump.

• Now…if you bought the diamond scene where we drank wine with Isabella, you’d get intel about Bradfraud that could throw him off in the race:

Now…I really like this bit, okay. I like how thrown off he is that we know his secret. But I’m not entirely sure how wise of a decision it is to let him know so soon that we know, or whether it will bite us in the ass eventually. Could we have maybe waited for a better opportunity? Idk.

Anyway, so that definitely works. But IMO in a petty, inconsequential way that means little in the long run (or could be dangerous too idk). This is intel we could have saved for a better time.

• This is why it makes more sense for the MC to be told what Olivia (and possibly Liam) is investigating. Or at least for her to actually keep asking until one of them caves in and tells her. If she’d known about an Operation Swan maybe she wouldn’t openly goad him so easily (or maybe she would. It’s the MC after all).

• There’s a funny sequence in this where everyone falls on each other like ninepins. And another one where Olivia gets impatient and just throws her apple over to the finishing line, asking Kiara if she won and Kiki is like “non. You’re extremely disqualified.” Oh Kiki. Never change 😂

• ….exactly how large are these spoons. It’s an apple. That would cross over from spoon territory to ladle!

• Once the race is over, we’re back to our tables for lunch. The MC’s bump almost knocking a plate over sparks a conversation among the mothers in the table about their baby bumps, and then about labour. Lorelai in particular speaks about her delivery being “more…grueling than what I expected” but quickly assuring the now-nervous MC that once the child is placed in your arms it will all be worth it. That description could cover a whole range of experiences…from mildly stressful to extremely terrifying. I always hope it’s the former.

(I have another question though: so if Lorelai was so ecstatic over Hana’s birth, where and how during/after this euphoric period did Hana’s parents suddenly begin to feel “devastated” over not having a son then? Coz I distinctly recall Hana speaking about that in Book 1. Or is this another retcon?)

In any case…it’s nice to hear that at least for Hana’s sake.

• If you’re married to one of the guys, then it’s Hana who put together the tiny hors d'ouvres (“personally tested all the options for deliciousness and visual appeal!”). If you’re married to Hana, Madeleine is in charge of this part of the baby shower (“spent a week focus group taste-testing the sides for both aesthetic and delectability”). In any case, it’s all tiny food that’s too cute to eat.

•

…isn’t this the guy who constantly complained about tiny portions? Why wasn’t he just taking extra helpings then? (though he also still complains about food from another country looking like “abstract art”. First Hana’s meal in China, now this. No one cares for your uninformed, unwanted opinion on their cultural dishes, Drake. Good thing Maxwell shut that nonsense down immediately)

• Isabella and Bradshaw’s communications with us have always used strength, might, power as a central factor in their dealings with us. Amalas’ approach is no less insistent, but in a different direction. Culture, cuisine, these are the things that seem to stand out to me atm. If the Auvernese mindset reminds me somewhat of Lythikos and Olivia, the Monterisso one looks like it could bring to mind Castelserraillian, Kiara and her family, and Liam + Hana who are more inclined to explore art and culture.

• Everyone’s kid likes grapes, apparently.

• The dish Amalas presented for the guessing game is what they call a “Sweet Potato Surprise”, but you gotta admit the ‘mango’ option is the most entertaining 😆 (with the carrot option, she claims that she mentioned a root vegetable, which would be close enough)

• A pair of cute corgi puppies make their way to our table, and depending on whether you bought both adult corgis or not, the puppies are either theirs, or strays. Like…why are you paywalling the CHILDREN of two dogs if we actually bought the dogs. I could actually justify this level of greed if it were backed up by an equal amount of effort in the book overall, but it isn’t.

• Anyway, they only feature together, so you have to decide on two names that will fit in one space. It kind of reminds me of how they’ve drawn Merlin and Morgana - in one sprite. I’m guessing at some point there will be an option to allow Penelope to clothe them as well.

• Like most of the fandom has already said by now, Bastien and Mara can’t even be trusted with a pair of pups.

• If you don’t buy the pups, Penelope offers to have one of her friends “in the canine couture world” to adopt them.

• Here’s the parenting advice from all the in-laws!

Liam: Regina speaks of the importance of regulating sweet intake closer to bedtime which is true because a child on a sugar rush will transform into the Energizer Bunny and go on forever. Like, this is very much how a child on a sugar rush reacts to the notion of sleep:

Hana: This one seems to highlight Hana’s competitive nature, perfectionism and ambition, and I guess there could be a lesson there in that you need to give yourself time to grow into things you want to do, and that means allowing yourself the space to topple over or struggle once in a while, the space to make mistakes. But I doubt it because weren’t these the same people who deemed her a failure for things that were beyond her control??

Maxwell: Maxwell is sorta kinda called out in this one, both for being “peaceful looking” and for wrecking havoc with those House documents lol. I’m guessing Bartie Sr is here in our baby shower mostly to look suspicious. What exactly was in those House Documents, ol’ Bart?

Drake: Bianca gives us some age-old advice about sleeping while the baby sleeps, which is something my mother and aunt (who looked after me post-childbirth) swore by. They would insist I spent whatever time kiddo was sleeping to be when I got my shut-eye too, because if you don’t take that and pull an all-nighter feeding the child, it’s going to be near-impossible to function. But you really, really need to have lots of support around you during such times because that kind of schedule leaves you little to no time to do much else besides occasional eating, small routines and light exercise (thankfully the MC has staff and a strong support system who can help her). In this case Bianca quips that Savannah was the easy one, and Drake the really fussy one. Drake isn’t quite convinced (who are you kidding Drake you’re still fussy).

• You get two extra pieces of parenting advice from the rulers, pretty characteristic (at least in Auvernal’s case since we’re more familiar with their culture) of where they come from. Amalas’ is “know your baby’s moods, and you can spot a tantrum before it happens”. The Auvernese “pearls of wisdom” say “to show weakness is to admit defeat” - Jesus, these guys have lost already, then.

• Olivia now has plans for a dart playing game - where she plans to use her daggers instead. You can either refuse to join, or enthusiastically participate. The LI warns you to be careful in the second option.

• If you join in: Isabella and Amalas hit near-center, both claiming different things in the face of their defeat (Isabella claims Olivia’s dagger to be a “terribly balanced weapon”) and Amalas tries to throw Olivia off by claiming her “aim was off”. Both of them are clearly thrown off by the unfamiliar weapon. At this point Olivia counts on the MC to “show them what Cordonians are made of”. If you succeed, you get a glimpse of your LI going all John Mulaney on the foreign royals (“that’s my wife!”)

• If you don’t join in: the LI and the MC’s friends form a protective circle around her, and Olivia chooses to stick to the usual darts. Isabella and Amalas are both in their element, with tools they’re familiar with using on a dart board. Isabella’s is still just near the target, Olivia’s is even closer, and Amalas’ is the closest - almost knocking off Olivia’s dart.

• Either way, we’ve effectively pissed off Isabella who angrily asks for “best of two?” 🤭

• Time for presents!

• Uh oh. The rattle comes from Auvernal. And it’s the same rattle as the one on the book cover. Soooooo…what does that hint at? Will our hand be forced, somehow? And will we eventually have to make a secret pact with Monterisso to get out of it, since the narrative is really really trying to push Amalas as the better option? (maybe not, but it’s fun to theorize).

• I don’t trust Amalas but they clearly gave her the nicer gift (at least, a nicer explanation for her gift). It’s a blossom “from the oldest apple tree in Monterisso, a tree that Cordonia helped my people plant long ago”. She hints at a closeness that the countries shared way back and offers the gift as a way of asking if that could happen again. The story kind of reminds me of the Regatta one Liam told us in Book 1, where Cordonia helped its neighbours at sea with supplies, during a time when they were ravaged by storms.

• Eirik gives you a bust of his own head, Lerato and Lesidi give you glass bottles and Marguerite gives us money, which puzzles the LIs. (though culturally I’ve been accustomed to cash being given as gifts or even in blessing, esp by elders, and I know at least one or two other cultures where cash can be the norm for gifts too). Kiara confiscated Olivia’s gift which she argues would help with self-defence 🤭 which happens to be one of my favourite moments in this chapter, and reminds me of this post an artist made of the MC’s baby shower long back. Idk why everyone sleeps on Kiara’s sheer entertainment value coz that girl possesses it in droves.

•

From our in-laws, we get a gift for the nursery - a cot mobile to place above the baby’s crib. These things are incredibly useful in the initial few months of a baby’s life when their visual development, eye-hand coordination and control over head and neck muscles are just about beginning. (and it’s cute and fun. What’s not to like). Unfortunately…unlike the nursery itself and the crib, you don’t get a free option for the cot mobile. You get a royal and rustic option + plus a neutral one with stars that I liked, but you have to pay even for that lovely neutral one. I’m guessing that the first two things from our nursery were “essentials” and whatever else we get now will be considered additional perks, thus paywalling even the options that don’t fit into your “royal or rustic” theme.

Each of the in-laws refer to a local/Cordonian craftswoman who made cot mobiles for the LIs. Leo gleefully tells us that Liam’s had “sparkles for days”, Bianca teasingly acts secretive about Drake’s. Hana never even knew she had a mobile coz she hasn’t seen a lot of baby photos of herself (I’m not sure what it’s meant to be an indication of yet, but I’m taking note of it). The one that really puzzles me is Maxwell’s. The writers don’t bother telling us what Maxwell’s is and instead make the bizarre choice to tell us what Bertrand’s cot mobile was instead. Why…the hell…would a Maxwell stan be interested in THAT. The writers don’t even specify if it was a hand-me-down (why was a family that rich and titled giving their younger one hand-me-downs) - nope, somehow it was a better choice to let us know that Bertrand’s was “silver grapefruit spoons”.

They should have done this for Drake also then, no? Talk about Savannah’s mobile instead of his? But noooo, Drake is too important, right. So let’s have his mother act all coy about his but make sure the sequence still centered around him.

At this point the writers should just nip this entire series in the bud if they’re not going even to bother writing equally good romances for all the LIs. One decently-done romance route doesn’t a good romance book make.

• In the middle of all this, the LI calls the MC into the hedge maze, presenting her with their own gift - a deep blue baby blanket with gold embroidery. How very Cordonia of them xD

• It’s a cute free LI moment where they show you how much they appreciate you, even in the midst of all this chaos and pandering of nosy royals.

• Once we’re back, it’s time to see if we passed our little diplomacy exam with these guys. Depending on the points you have with them, they will either back down convinced that even a normal alliance would work with Cordonia, or they will pressurize you further.

• Interestingly enough in the failplay, Amalas’ responses seem to imply that she would have more open to the idea of simply an alliance with the rulers sans marriage, but you can’t tell yet whether this is the writers trying to indicate to us that she is the choice, or whether she just isn’t being as ham-fisted as the Auvernese are. They lack subtlety, she’s more persuasive, but is she still someone you can trust? Since we’ve only seen her like twice before this sequence, I can’t quite tell yet.

• Kdjhshshsjssj @ Liam confiscating Maxwell’s armory access pass.

• The sales of “that book about us that has Maxwell’s face on it” are fantastic, and the publishers want Maxwell to do a book tour, the first signing of which is in Lythikos.

• We’re in Lythikos…for a book tour. Not even because Olivia found some information there or whatever (though I’m sure that will come up at some point next chapter), we’re there for a book tour that could have been done ANYWHERE.

• Places we could be having this book signing:

- Ramsford: Yknow, the author’s birthplace which we haven’t bothered visiting since our first Beaumont Bash in Book 1.

- Castelserraillian: Yknow, like the seat of art and culture and literature in Cordonia?? If there is one place in all of Cordonia I could easily picture as a literary hub it would be this one.

- No Valtoria coz we’ve seen plenty of it.

- Applewood: Yknow, that place that has many farmers, lots of commoners, who doubtless would have read this story of a commoner woman who climbed the ranks into royalty and glory. Applewood even has a public library that Queen Eleanor and her son regularly supported and visited. I’m sure many of the commoners in Applewood would have found that story even a little inspiring.

- Hana’s mysterious Cordonian homeplace: Just because the team is whack and we deserved better. They could have really made an effort to show her other home somewhere, yknow, considering they did such an awful job of Shanghai the last time.

• At this point we’ve seen Lythikos more than we have seen any other estate in this story. Sure, we can all spout out all sorts of excuses for why - plot, intrigue, Olivia’s character development (work on your own female LI first, PB!), but it all comes back to the same point: that the team is more willing to rob Hana of her rightful space and place it on Olivia’s lap. Setting this in Lythikos is re about the fact that, now that Drake has had more than his fair share of space, it’s Olivia’s turn to fulfill the role of secondary character but be treated like a main (all while Hana is thrown in as their token female LI + default POC LI, but treated with far less respect from her writers than even a secondary character).

• Overall, this is meant to be a light chapter - which most Chapter 16s (except for Book 2) are. Chapter 16 tends to be sandwiched between intense sequences, and is often seen as the point where the group and the LIs and MC can have fun but relax from court intrigue as well. It was the Beaumont Bash in Book 1, Vegas in Book 3, now a baby shower in TRH Book 1.

• Hana meeting her parents again (especially on her own playthrough), was nice, I guess. A little extra time is spent during the cot mobile scene having her parents acknowledge how they’d failed her, and the narrative shows us glimpses of her nervousness and discomfort while having the parents state that if she would rather they leave, they will respect that. It’s a tiny bit more progress compared to all the times Lorelai was continually repeating her mistakes and thinking they could be fixed each time with a paltry apology. But it’s still not enough.

• For one, we have just 4 chapters left in a book where half the time we were pandering to Drake’s family for chapters on end. We’re 16 chapters too late in addressing this. I have zero faith that things will improve.

For another, Hana getting this type of validation from her parents isn’t something that should be restricted to the playthrough where she is married alone. In both cases she invited them along, so in both cases they should be showing an equal level of caring and tentetiveness.

For a third, the whole angle with her parents seems to have such a disconnect. It’s almost like the writers were trying to prove something but didn’t do enough work to make it all sound coherent. Like you have this somewhat-healing relationship, but even then you have these moments that just don’t seem to make sense within Hana’s narrative, like Lorelai giving you that generic answer about your feelings suddenly becoming positive the moment they place the baby in your arms (which, btw, doesn’t always happen), or Xinghai talking about Hana’s ambition but there’s hardly any indication of how they controlled the directions her ambition would take. Overall they all sound like nice sequences by themselves but very disconnected to Hana’s actual story.

Why Hana hasn’t seen many baby pictures is something I want to see more of. I’m hoping that the fact that we see Lorelai, Xinghai and Leo in all the playthroughs, means they may accompany us on the book tour and perhaps we will get Hana-centric flashbacks and Liam-centric ones too.

• With next week, we’ll have only three chapters left, the intrigue is still in its nascent stages, the pacing is grossly uneven, and most of the LIs still don’t have a clear-cut arc. Some may claim that, well, it’s a series so maybe everyone else will get their “arc” in the next book. Except that if that were the case, Drake’s playthrough shouldn’t have been having the kind of focus on family that it’s been having this entire book. Others may claim that, well, it’s okay coz the story is about the baby and the romance - but they didn’t exactly do any justice to either of those. So what was this whole book about then? Besides Walker worship?

• The holiday special for TRR…is this going to be in Lythikos? Again??? Isn’t it bad enough that I will be going into TRM foolishly hoping to see Castelserraillian to get fair rep but know I’ll be confronted with with the reality of duchies like Lythikos getting a lion’s share of the story??

• That’s it for this chapter, guys. Until Saturday!

[choices-binglebonkus]

The Royal Heir should honestly just be retitled The Royal Mess

I am fully prepared for the inevitable attacks I will get in my asks/comment section.  Yet I still request that anyone and everyone expresses their opinions kindly and offers respectful, thought-provoking debate.

Chapters 1 and 2 were honeymoon filler with lots of sex, downtime with MC’s spouse and friends, and some talk of the royal heir.

I don’t even remember much of what the hell happened in chapter 3, just a bunch of paparazzi, a council meeting with the ultimate decision to have yet another fricking ball, and FINALLY a doctor’s appointment to discuss MC’s future pregnancy.

Chapter 4 was...the ball.  AKA, one of the eight or nine parties we’re likely to get in this book alone, because PB seems to have it somewhere in their contract that practically every story must have at least one party (the only book in the entire game I can think of that doesn’t have a party of any sort is The Haunting of Braidwood Manor, but I digress).  The royals in this chapter were so, SO eager to marry their newborns off to MC’s unborn and unconceived child.

Chapter 5 brings us to America because...road trip? We try to make a baby once in this chapter.  I honestly don’t even remember what happened in this chapter, I was bored out of my mind the entire time.  It’s funny how the series is titled The Royal Heir when the plot seems to be all over the place, focusing on the heir minimally in every chapter except chapter 3.

Oh wait, what’s this? We made it to the Walker Ranch, which I’m still not sure why we needed to visit in the first place, and there’s trouble afoot.  Probably the inadvertent work of Bertrand since he’s not used to the country life.  So...we’re probably going to fix whatever’s going on, then try to make a baby again, then when chapter 7 rolls around, yet another party because diamond choices! Diamond outfits! Diamond scenes with friends! Diamond scenes with LI’s! Diamond scenes to decorate the baby’s nursery even further because I know Pixelberry and I know they’ll try to pull more decoration/collectible shit at least two more times in this book alone.

I don’t remember who it was exactly, but one of my rebloggers mentioned that every single chapter of plot progress requires at least three extra chapters of filler.  This book, according to its writers, is supposed to be about 19-20 chapters long if everything goes accordingly.  This book is supposed to be the first book in The Royal Heir’s series, so we can expect two more books, or one at the very least.

They have taken The Royal Romance, a popular series beloved by an overwhelming majority of the fandom, and turned it into a shameless cash grab.  In the past 5 chapters alone, they have repeatedly shat on the original series.

The debacle regarding Hana and MC making a baby on their honeymoon despite both being female.  The out of character reactions from Drake and Hana when Liam tells them he wants their child with MC to be the heir.  Forcing Hana to be physically unable to carry the pregnancy even though she and MC could have just decided amongst themselves that MC would be the one, because apparently the plot demanded MC being the one to carry the baby via any means necessary, even if it meant breaking poor Hana’s heart.  Revealing that Olivia wasn’t a love interest because it would make her too soft, even though people like Nik became LI’s and PB didn’t give two shits about them “becoming soft”.

However, my biggest complaint would have to be the royals from the visiting kingdoms.  Disclaimer: This is where I ask the readers of this post to tell me if and how I’m wrong, as I haven’t followed Cordonia’s lore/history as closely as some of the other fans of TRR.  King Bradshaw and Queen Isabella rule Auvernal, a neighboring country.  Queen Amalas is the queen of Monterisso.  Lesedi, Lerato, and King Eirik all rule other countries, and yet we’ve never heard of any single one of these people or their countries before The Royal Heir.  

None of them made any appearances in The Royal Romance and none of them were ever mentioned even once.  The only ruler we even know from before TRH is Princess Marguerite from The Heist: Monaco, but even Maguerite was never mentioned in TRR.  So where the hell did all these people and all these kingdoms come from? It just feels incredibly lazy for them all to appear out of seemingly nowhere just because the plot of The Royal Heir demands it, especially since all of these people but Maguerite are reused character models.  

The only thing I can conclude from any of this is that none of these people will have any major impact on the plot.  But then again, the plot so far is just a muddled mess imbued with excess filler and fake plot progress (all the times MC and her spouse try to get pregnant).  And it actually seems to me that the writers of TRH have just peppered in scenes of MC and her spouse trying to make a baby to make it seem like the heir story arc is still strong and prevalent, when in reality, it’s almost completely taken a backseat to the seemingly endless filler we get in every chapter.  

I think the only chapter with any real plot progress has been chapter 3, since we saw the paparazzi and how the rest of the kingdom reacted to the prospect of MC’s pregnancy, and MC and her spouse had the doctor’s appointment.  But even chapter 3 was somewhat thick with filler, as we got the diamond scene with Liam, Drake, Maxwell, Hana, and Olivia as kids, which contributed absolutely nothing to the plot, we got yet another diamond scene for us to decorate our nursery (excluding the wall hangings and crib, which they’ll make us pay more diamonds for later on), and we had our council meeting that served as the gateway to yet another filler-heavy chapter.

And let me remind you once again, The Royal Heir is not a book.  It is a series.  There will be another book, and possibly another book after that one.  And if the writers keep pushing filler and fluff and diamond scenes that contribute nothing to the plot, this series will grow very stale very fast, especially since we have about 14-15 more chapters of this book and MC isn’t even close to being pregnant yet.

[upontheshelfreviews]

If there’s a reason why we’re able to recall the story of Snow White from memory, and why said princess is usually depicted with short hair, a cute bow and surrounded by woodland fauna, look no further than Disney. Their take on the Grimms’ fairy tale is the prime example of pop cultural osmosis. Even if you’ve never watched Disney’s Snow White, it’s easy to recognize when a piece of work is borrowing from it or spoofing it. And I can definitely see why – not only is it going eighty-plus years strong, but its influence on nearly every Disney feature to come after it is a profound one.

The real story of Disney’s Snow White begins in the early 1910’s when a young Walt Disney saw a silent film version of the Grimms’ fairytale starring Marguerite Clark. The movie stuck with him well into adulthood. One night, well after he had established himself as an animation giant the world over, Walt gathered his entire staff of animators and storymen and re-enacted the tale for them in a mesmerizing one-man show. They were enraptured, but what he told them next struck them dumb – they were going to take what he performed and turn it into a full-length film.

In Tony Goldmark’s epic(ally hilarious) retrospective of Epcot, he performs a quick sketch he summed up as “Walt Disney’s entire career in 55 seconds” where Walt presents his career-defining ideas to a myopic businessman capable of only saying “You fool, that’ll never work!”. Considering how animation is everywhere today, it’s easy to forget that an animated film was once seen as an impossible dream. The press hawked Snow White as “Disney’s Folly”, and Hollywood speculated that it would bankrupt the Mouse House. It very nearly did. Miraculously, a private showing of the half-finished feature to a banking firm impressed the investors enough to ensure its completion.

Snow White is touted as the very first animated movie – admittedly something of a lie on Disney’s behalf. Europe and Russia were experimenting with feature-length animation decades before Walt gave it a try. But consider this: most animated films predating Snow White’s conception are either sadly lost to us or barely count as such by just crossing the hour mark. With all the hard work poured into it showing in every scene, with each moment displaying a new breakthrough in the medium, Snow White might as well be the first completely animated movie after all. Hell, it’s the very first movie in the entire history of cinema that was created using STORYBOARDS. A tool used by virtually every single movie put out today. If that’s not groundbreaking enough, I don’t know what is.

But is Snow White really…but why does it…can it…

“You know what? No. I’m not doing this teasing question thing before the review starts proper. OF COURSE Snow White is a masterpiece. OF COURSE most of it holds up. Let’s skip the middleman so I can explain why.”

After the opening credits we get the first of what will be many Disney leather bound books opening themselves to invite us into the world of the story. We’re informed that once upon a time there was a particularly Wicked Queen (nicknamed Grimhilde in promo features and the comics) who had a serious narcissistic personality disorder. Every day she consults her Magic Mirror™ to see who’s the fairest one of all and takes pride in being repeatedly told she holds said title. In the meantime she bullies her younger, prettier stepdaughter, the princess Snow White, and gives her the standard Cinderella treatment in the hopes that endless drudgery will wipe out the competition.

One fateful morning, however, the Mirror informs the Queen that she’s been bumped down to runner-up. She susses out that it’s Snow White who’s taken her place after the Mirror describes the newcomer as having “lips red as the rose, hair black as ebony, [and] skin white as snow”, but maybe the Queen is projecting here due to her extreme jealousy. Going by those three traits the Mirror could be describing almost anyone on the planet.

Care to narrow it down a bit, buddy?

Now if you consider yourself a feminist or at the very least have progressive views regarding women, I know what you’re thinking – just another example of the patriarchy pitting shallow female stereotypes against each other, right? Well in a manner of speaking, yes. There’s plenty of evidence that the Brothers Grimm held some odious misogynistic beliefs that stemmed from a bad combination of the era they lived in, outdated religious teachings, and their own experiences with the opposite sex. It shows in their second fairy tale revisions –  the heroines are naïve bimbos in need of a man’s rescue, and the villains are evil stepmothers and witches who happen to be hideous 99% of the time – and those views have been reinforced in our society thanks to those particular iterations being passed down to today.

Here’s my way of viewing the central conflict: The Mirror’s news is a wake-up call that Snow White is coming into her own as a woman and princess. That means marriage to a prince and the end of the Wicked Queen’s rule. Snow White will have all the power and adulation while the Queen is forced to step down and become another footnote in ancient royal history. Up until now the Queen has gone out of her way put down her pretty young opponent with petty cruelty because there’s nothing stopping her; but when faced with the inevitable, she unflinchingly opts to take more drastic measures so she can keep the throne.

If it weren’t for the fact the Queen’s unofficial moniker is Grimhilde and her transformation scene reveals a head of black hair, I’d suspect her real name was Cersei Lannister.

You also have to remember that the Queen takes the term “fairest” at face value. The Queen is beautiful, sure, but it’s a glacial beauty – cold, unfeeling, and nothing beneath the surface. All she cares about is looks and power. You’d have to be a pure loving soul or Woody Allen find something worthwhile in her. Snow White is beautiful too, though it’s her kindness and fair treatment of everyone that garners her the title of “fairest one of all”, not her appearance.

Speaking of, we follow that scene with Snow White (Adriana Casselotti) dressed in rags cleaning the castle courtyard. She shows her bird friends her wishing well and sings “I’m Wishing”, where she reveals her wish for her one true love to show up.

Confession time: In childhood the title of my favorite Disney princess was neck and neck between Belle from Beauty and the Beast and Snow White. I’ve already discussed at length why I adore Belle, so I suppose I should do the same for Snow.

…turns out it’s more difficult than I thought.

For as long as I could remember, I was surrounded by Snow White paraphernalia – tapes, toys, dolls, music, games, artwork, bed sheets, I can even recall the ice show. Snow White is ingrained into my early years. It more than likely has to do with the timing of its brief return to theaters and first VHS release between 1993 and 1994, right at the peak of the Disney Renaissance, so I experienced Snow White-mania right alongside Lion King-mania, Beauty and the Beast-mania and various other Disneymanias that were rampant at that time.

Even this one, embarrassingly.

As a result, I idolized Snow White as much the other princesses of the time, right down to making her the character I dressed up as the most for Halloween. I suppose what drew me to her was inherent kindness, ability to make friends with everyone, and her voice. Yes, I admit it. I don’t find Snow White’s warbling to be as irritating as everyone says it is. Maybe I’ve listened to it so much that I’ve grown immune. Then again I am that one Disney fan who doesn’t loathe It’s A Small World with every fiber of their being so maybe I should question my own tastes more.

Now as an adult with a critical eye who can put nostalgia behind me when necessary, is there something more to the character of Snow White that’s worth appreciating as much as the more-fleshed out princesses of the Renaissance and current Revival period?

I accept that I’m in the minority on this one, but I firmly say yes.

I know what you’re thinking – all Snow White does is smile and sing while she slaves under the Queen and the dwarfs and dreams of a handsome man to come carry her away, so I should turn in my feminist card for daring to suggest she’s a good character and role model for girls, right? Consider this: like Cinderella after her, Snow White’s happy nature and songs are her ways of coping with her unpleasant situation. It keeps her spirits up and in turn she tries to spread that positivity to others who need it as well. She refuses to let the Queen’s negativity turn her as sour as she is. All the little things Snow White reveals in what she does – her patience, pride in her work, healthy emotional balance, drive to help others, and warmth towards those smaller than her (in both a figurative and literal sense) – are all signs that she is capable of being a far better and beloved ruler and all around person than the Queen is. Plus, her reason for wanting to find love is two-fold: not only is she looking for someone with whom she can share a unique emotional understanding bond – which is something most every human craves – but it’s the also best possible means for her to escape from her stepmother’s abuse. Like I said earlier, once Snow White gets the ring, she gets to rule.

And what’s wrong with having a princess who can run a practical household? One could argue that it’s an example of traditional female roles desired by an oppressive patriarchal society on full display, but you want to know why millennials are called out for being lazy? Because baby boomers have cut out classes that teach things young adults actually need outside of school like how to properly cook and do laundry and pay your taxes since those weren’t seen as “essential enough to education”. So I have to admire a princess who, while not the most “progressive” of the bunch by today’s standards, is willing and able take care of herself and others when it comes to basic everyday needs. I think TheBrutallyHonestMom summed it up best in her post defending Snow White:

When we denigrate what Snow White accomplishes at the dwarfs’ cottage, when we rename her accomplishments to make them sound more impressive, more official, more valuable—management, administration, domestic CEO, sous chef, hospitality specialist—what we are really doing is saying that we don’t value the truly valuable work that she and so many other stay-at-home individuals do. Those words are a microaggression against what have traditionally been feminine roles, an attempt to align them with a patriarchal worldview where only those with the biggest titles and fattest paychecks matter. Snow White is domestic. She is a maid. She is a mother figure. She does take on the womanliest of the womanly roles. To claim that adopting these roles (and being good at them) somehow makes her a poor role model for my daughters is not a failure of Snow White’s imagination. It is a failure of ours.

Then there’s the matter of her actress too, which I can’t stay silent about. A few years ago it was revealed that in order to preserve the illusion of Snow White as a real character (a good many years before the company applied that same logic to their character performers at the theme parks I might add), Disney forced Adriana Casselotti to forego her screen credit and never take on another acting role again, essentially robbing her of a career. She only managed to appear in It’s A Wonderful Life and The Wizard of Oz because hers were uncredited minute parts. Casselotti had no regrets about choosing Snow White over a promising show business vocation, but I still call bull on the matter. If this kind of thing happened today, people would not stand for it, character illusions or not. There’s also crazy double standards since all the actors who played the dwarfs got to keep on acting; Sneezy’s voice actor was in Fun and Fancy Free for crying out loud! I love ya Walt, but that is one dick move. So if you’re a detractor cheering that you never have to hear Casselotti’s voice beyond this movie, keep in mind that’s all because of one man silencing her for the sake of his business.

So, Snow White. She cooks, cleans, delegates, teaches, loves, domestically kicks ass, and her behind the scenes story makes a strong case for the Time’s Up movement. Any questions?

“Yes. You’re over 2000 words in and we haven’t even gotten to the dwarfs yet. Plan on getting off that soapbox sometime this decade?”

Snow’s singing attracts the attention of a handsome Prince (Harry Stockwell) passing by on his horse. But his forwardness startles the shy girl and sends her sprinting up to her room. He charms her out to her balcony by singing his one song in the feature…”One Song”. You gotta love it when the title matches the tune perfectly.

“Wherefore art thou Prince? Deny thy father and refuse thy name!”

“Sure I’ll gladly refuse my name – if I had one, that is.”

All joking aside, I have a soft spot for this scene. Stockwell’s voice has this old-time Broadway/operetta quality I’ve always liked, the lyrics are unironic purple prose that still feel genuine, Snow’s little excited gestures are adorable, and it’s framed beautifully. This is what got it into my heard early on that the most romantic gesture anyone can make is serenading someone from beneath their balcony.

“Too bad you’re technically in a long distance relationship.”

“I know. Propping up a phone beneath your window just doesn’t have the same effect.”

Snow returns his affections with a kiss delivered via a dove and departs the scene with one hell of a pair of bedroom eyes, especially for a Disney character.

Daaaaaamn, girl! You already got him hooked, no need to gild the lily!

Unbeknownst to either of them, the Queen is watching overhead; Snow catching the eye of Prince Charming is what finally pushes her to take further action. She summons her Huntsman –

– to bring Snow White out into the forest and do away with her. Brief as this scene may be, there are two things I really like about it. First, the gravity. The Huntsman reacts with horror on being told what he must do, foreshadowing his eventual turnaround, yet with an icy hiss of “Silence!” and a short reminder of the price of failure, the Queen goads him back into line. We don’t know what the penalty for insubordination is, but it’s implied to be pretty nasty if she’s able to convince him otherwise with just a few words. Second, the Queen’s other demand. In the original fairytale, the Queen requested Snow White’s liver, lungs and heart so she could eat them and inherit her stepdaughter’s comely attributes.

But here in the film, she only wants the heart, and not for lunch. The Queen wants to keep it as a trophy. She even has a disturbingly appropriate box for it at the ready.

Proof that she really puts the ‘grim’ in ‘Grimhilde’.

Snow White, now dressed in her iconic yellow and blue dress, goes out flower picking with the Huntsman waiting not far behind. She spies a lost baby bird, and the moment she turns her back to help it, the Huntsman moves in for the kill. It’s framed like the murderer creeping up to their next victim in a scary movie, slowly building up to the moment he confronts her, with tension you could cut with a – well, you know.

Ultimately the Huntsman is moved by the princess’ humanity and can’t go through with the deed. Instead he reveals the Queen’s plot and pleads her to run, run away, Snow, and never return. Terrified, Snow White flees into the forest where her fears magnify her surroundings. Brambles become gnarled outstretched hands, logs are hungry snapping crocodiles, and there are eyes everywhere, always watching, boring into her every place she turns.

I should note that while developing Snow White, the Disney studio became something of an art college with fine arts and film study classes offered to the staff in order to hone their craft. Some of the movies they studied were horror flicks from the pre-Hays Code era, classics directed by the likes of James Whale and F.W. Murnau. The results speak for themselves. Scenes like this and the Queen’s transformation are why I consider Snow White my very first horror movie. The frightening imagery and darker themes all hide beneath a veneer of Disney childhood innocence. Like a proto-Pan’s Labyrinth, the terror as much psychological as it is fantastical.

A young Sam Raimi watched this and vowed one day he’d make those trees even more terrifying and bad-touchy.

This scene is also the source of one of the most famous stories to come out of the film’s creation. During the planning of the part where Snow falls backwards through an open-mouthed cavern into a lake, one of the animators cried out in terror “Won’t that kill her??” And the whole room fell silent. They reached the point where they no longer thought of Snow White as a cartoon but as an actual person, something that had never happened before. That was the moment where they were officially, as Ben Vereen once put it, on the right track.

Overwhelmed, Snow White collapses in tears. She’s brought back to her senses by the usual cuddly forest inhabitants inexplicably drawn to female royalty in need of assistance. Of course, being the ever-thoughtful soul that she is, Snow apologizes for startling them and making a fuss over how afraid she was, once more putting others before herself. She bonds with the animals through the uplifting “With a Smile and a Song”. Then she spends several minutes talking to them and making plans for the future all in rhyme. I confess it’s one of the weaker moments of the movie, showing that the studio’s transition from the Silly Symphonies to full-fledged filmmaking hasn’t completely been made yet.

The critters lead Snow to a quaint cottage in need of a good cleaning service. Assuming the miniature-sized furniture means the inhabitants are orphaned children, she decides to surprise them by sprucing up the joint, hoping her act of kindness will make them forget her breaking and entering and they’ll let her stay. Said cleanup time is underscored by one of the more upbeat tunes in Disney’s songbook, “Whistle While You Work”. Like Mary Poppin’s “A Spoonful of Sugar” it’s all about finding joy in the little things that make the work go by quicker.

“Here’s the last of the underwear, Bambi. And try not leave any ticks in the laundry this time!”

But as we all know, the cottage belongs not to seven children, but seven little people who work as jewel miners, all the while singing that famous mining song –

“No, the one sung by dwarves.”

“Seriously?!”

All joking aside, Heigh-Ho is the best song in the movie, no contest. Easily the catchiest tune here if not the entire Disney canon. If it can keep a theater full of gremlins occupied, it’s doing something right.

Sure, they whistle while they work for now. But once they find the Arkenstone it’s all downhill from here.

And let’s not kid ourselves, the dwarfs are the real reason why we keep returning to Snow White. Their quirk-matching names and designs make each one memorable, they’re endlessly entertaining, and they’re the characters that come the closest to having some form of arc. The group is a prime example of the illusion of life that is animation, exaggerated to a degree that they’re still believable in their movements and mannerisms. Dopey especially works well in this regard, a wonder considering much of his character was developed by happy accident. When an actor suitable enough couldn’t be found, they made the decision to simply mute him. Like much of Disney’s favorite animal sidekicks, they based his personality around that of a lovable dog, though I’d be lying if I didn’t see some Harpo Marx in there as well. As a result, his childlike playfulness and comic timing is up there with Chaplin’s Little Tramp. His hitch step was also an unexpected boon; after animator Frank Thomas put it in one of his scenes, Walt liked it so much that he insisted all previously animated footage of Dopey be redone to include that step. Incidentally, Frank’s popularity among the animation staff reached all-time lows after that announcement.

Snow White flops down for a quick nap on the beds upstairs just as the dwarfs return home. What follows is them sneaking about their now suspiciously squeaky-clean cottage and further establishing their personas through a series of finely-tuned gags (Walt paid five dollars for every good joke his guys could come up with, and this was when five dollars could take you out to dinner and a show). Dopey is elected to check the bedroom and he comes to the conclusion that Snow’s sleeping form is a monster. The dwarfs work up their courage to go kill the beast themselves only to realize in the nick of time that it’s just a harmless girl. But Grumpy, the clear-cut misogynist in the group, isn’t keen on having a “wicked-wiled” female refugee in their abode and shamelessly yells “Let ‘er wake up, she don’t belong here no-how!”

Snow wakes up and instantly charms over everyone except Grumpy as they introduce each other. The dwarfs are shocked and terrified to learn the Queen has put a hit out on her. Grumpy in particular declares the Queen is a powerful witch skilled in the black arts, which is true, and it raises a potent question. Is her magic common knowledge throughout the kingdom, or is it mere speculation? If it’s the former, how did that come to be? What happened to Snow White’s father the king anyhow? All this could make for a very interesting –

“You know what, never mind, forget I said it -“

“Too late! Jenkins, write that down! Bob’s gonna love it!”

“Very good, sir. Shall I pre-heat your crack pipe in preparation for the first draft writing session?”

“Does the Academy loathe streaming services? Hop to it, my man!”

“Hey, I thought you left that jerk to go work for Don Bluth.”

“Shh! I jumped ship after A Troll in Central Park and came back under a new identity. I couldn’t pass up the bankroll Disney’s been on since 2009.”

“Mum’s the word.”

Grumpy’s certain that they’ll be in the Queen’s crosshairs once she learns they’ve been harboring Snow White and demands they kick her out at once. But Snow White stands up for herself and says she can take care of the house for them if they let her stay. Just like Belle offering herself in her father’s place, no one corners Snow into the position of housekeeper. She’s the one who puts herself out there, listing all her best qualities like she’s on an interview. It’s only when she does so (and also mentions she can bake a mean gooseberry pie) that the dwarfs overrule Grumpy and declare she’s welcome in their home.

Yet even when all is said and done, Snow makes it clear that if she’s the one doing the work, then the dwarfs must play by her rules. Immediately following their acceptance, she goes into full Team Mom mode, insisting they improve their manners and wash themselves before dinner’s ready. Doc attempts to get around it by saying they cleaned up “recently”, but despite her sweet nature, Snow won’t let them walk all over her. She does a cleanliness inspection that makes the dwarfs almost as bashful as Bashful himself, and even gets a good bit of sarcasm in (“Why Doc, I’m surprised.”) The dwarfs washing themselves is another one of those Silly Symphony-esque filler scenes, but at least it gives us more time for their fun shenanigans; though I have to wonder if dog piling Grumpy and half-drowning him takes it too far.

“Where’s the money, Legrumpski? Where’s the fucking money??” “It’s down there somewhere, lemme take another look.”

Back at the castle, the Queen is showing off her newly acquired bodily organ to the Magic Mirror while demanding he validate her preconceptions of who’s fair and who’s not. Alas, the Mirror tattles on Snow White’s location and reveals that heart belonged to a pig, which I’ve got to say I’m glad they didn’t show how the Huntsman got ahold of.

Infuriated, the Queen storms down to her secret lab (and no, there’s no wrong lever scene. I’m disappointed too). She brews up a potion made up of ingredients like scream of fright, a thunderbolt and partially hydrogenated dimethylpolysiloxane which will completely transform her into a disguise nobody could suspect her in, an aged peddler woman.

Was I afraid of this scene way back when? Of course, but it was one of those rare moments where I didn’t want to look away either. Here we have a woman dangerously obsessed with beauty becoming the very thing she loathes in order to sate her implacable desires. Not only that but in this disguise she’s able to set loose the insanity buried deep beneath her frigid calculating exterior, grinning and cackling like the witch that she is. The Queen never smiles once when she’s in her true form. But once she’s the old Hag and it’s all cackling and gap-toothed smiles, it’s extremely unnerving.

Case in point.

“Anyone else miss the creepy fade to black where the villain’s eyes remain for a few seconds? Disney needs to bring that back.”

Major props to Lucille LaVerne, who gives a bone chilling and utterly unrecognizable performance as BOTH the Queen and the Hag. She made the switch from one role to the next by removing her false teeth between recording sessions. In doing so she gave us one of the great Disney villain performances.

The part where she preps the infamous poisoned apple does undercut some of her menace, however. The Hag is supposed to be sharing her scheming with a cowardly raven, but due to how much she stares directly into the camera while monologuing, it comes off as directly addressing the audience, like we’re watching her in a play. It’s not just the Silly Symphony style of storytelling creeping in, it’s melodramatic semi-vaudevillian theatrics that early Hollywood was moving well away from at this point. And again, what’s with the sudden speaking in rhyme?

At the last moment the Hag looks up a possible antidote to the poison and learns that it’s Love’s First Kiss. However she scoffs at the notion that Snow White can be saved because she’s counting on the dwarfs believing the princess is dead and burying her alive.

“For those of you who claim Disney waters down fairy tales into saccharine pap, I point you to Snow White.”

And it doesn’t end there. As the Hag leaves the dungeons, she passes a cell where a skeleton is sprawled out between the bars, reaching for a water pitcher. It’s bad enough to imagine this poor soul dying of thirst, spending their last moments with salvation just out of their grasp, but the Hag openly mocks the skeleton and kicks the pitcher aside. If that’s not a deciding irredeemably evil factor moment, it comes pretty darn close.

This would have also tied into an important but ultimately scrapped sequence where the Queen kidnaps the Prince, locks him in the dungeon to keep him from saving Snow White and torments him by detailing her elaborate scheme.

This sounds vaguely familiar…

Depending on which pitch you’re reading, the Prince refuses the Queen’s offer of marriage, and she enchants the chained-up skeletons of other scorned suitors to dance in an extremely misguided attempt keep him entertained while she’s out, or floods the dungeon to drown him. He makes a daring escape and rides to the rescue on horseback.

Again, vaguely familiar…

Unfortunately we had to wait twenty-plus years for this to happen because the animators weren’t confident in their abilities to create a believable male character. This is why the Prince appears only in the beginning and the end of the movie (and by extension why the Cinderella’s Prince is barely in that feature as well). When it came to making Snow White look realistic, they subtly incorporated some rotoscoping in a few places (I’d call it cheating but it’s difficult to tell where it begins or ends because she looks that good eighty years later). But I guess it just wasn’t worth the effort to do the same for her love interest, who doesn’t even get the dignity of an official name (fans go back and forth between Florian and Ferdinand). He’s reduced to a deus ex machina – which to be fair is exactly how he was treated in the fairytale. The movie has the slight advantage over that, however, by setting him up before he arrives for that wake-up kiss.

“And now it’s time for Silly Songs With Happy, the part of the review where Happy comes out and sings a silly song. Today’s interlude, appropriately titled “The Silly Song”, features choreography which has gone on to inspire many other Disney musical sequences dating as far ahead as the 70’s.”

“Hold it!! It’s just the exact same movements with the Robin Hood cast grafted over them!”

“Is there a problem with that?”

“Well…no…it’s just a bit distracting when you finally notice it. I mean I love Disney’s Robin Hood, but boy did they take the main character’s attitude towards stealing to heart when it came to the animation.”

And yes, “The Silly Song” itself is fun too. It’s one of the less remembered Disney tunes, though I have fond memories of it due to its inclusion in the Sing-Along video lineup. The decision to have it follow the Hag’s unsettling introduction makes perfect sense; I could imagine audiences experiencing it for the first time needed a bit of a breather after that.

I guess I should mention the musical number we could have had instead of this one, though. “Music in Your Soup” was a similarly lighthearted song that was fully recorded and animated before it was ultimately cut. It was expertly animated, featured more dwarf-Snow White interactions, and it also closed up a plot hole involving a bar of soap Dopey swallowed earlier. Still, it didn’t add much to the story overall and it disrupted the flow, and keeping both that and “The Silly Song” would have been superfluous; so as much as I like “Music In Your Soup” I think they made the right call in sticking with “The Silly Song”.

After the dancing, Snow regales the dwarfs with a love story, though they quickly figure out she’s talking about herself and her prince. She dispenses with the self-insert fanfiction and sings the movie’s eleven o’clock number “Someday My Prince Will Come”. Bawl all you want about setting women’s rights back a decade, it doesn’t change the fact that it’s still a lovely song, even without Casselotti’s vocals. In fact, much of the movie’s soundtrack has been a go-to for jazz artists through the decades ranging from Miles Davis to Dave Brubeck. The pure simplicity of Larry Morey’s lyrics and Frank Churchill’s melodies are ripe for riffing on. Virtually every cover I’ve found succeeds in the impossible task of measuring up to the original in some capacity. The action in the song itself is subtle and restrained, mainly focusing on the dwarfs’ reactions. It’s not only good storytelling, but a clever way to get around showing more of Snow White than the animators could handle; she was already tough enough to animate even with rotoscoping.

Snow realizes how late it’s getting and ushers the dwarfs to bed; however Doc and the others try to behave like gentlemen and allow her to sleep upstairs while they take up whatever space they can fill on the lower floor. It goes to show how much her kindness and politeness has had an influence on them, at least while she’s around. Them taking up whatever sleeping space they can find on the ground floor is an excuse to squeeze more gags in, but I’m fond of how it lets us wind down and take in this cozy atmosphere.

The next morning before they head out the dwarfs warn Snow White to beware of strangers. Even Grumpy can’t help but show concern in his own gruff tsundere way. It’s little touches like this that reveal Snow White’s unwavering compassion is chipping away at his chauvinist attitude and he really does care about her after all –

Hang on, they couldn’t spare ONE dwarf to stick around and keep an eye out in case the Queen does drop by? They’re really think the Queen isn’t going to make another murder attempt as soon as possible? They sadly must, because no sooner do the dwarfs heigh-ho off to work than the Hag creeps up like a meth user turned Jehovah’s Witness.

“Hello, my name is Elder Grim. Would you care to learn more about our lord and savior Chernabog?”

After the animals fail to communicate the obvious danger, they fetch the dwarfs for help. Meanwhile the Hag has convinced Snow White to let her into the cottage and show off her “magic wishing apple”.

Already I can hear the slapping of a thousand facepalms through my screen. I get why, but there’s something about the situation that feels strangely relatable. The Queen is fully aware of Snow White’s gentle, trusting nature and knows how to take full advantage of the girl. Snow isn’t all smiles and open arms though. There’s a split second of regret the moment she divulges she’s by herself, and as the Hag literally corners her into tasting the poison apple her body language gives away how uncomfortable she is. Even the cottage itself grows darker and claustrophobic, mirroring her trapped state. Snow White knows there’s definitely something off about this stranger, but there’s the downside of her kind personality. She can’t bring herself to kick the old lady out no matter how wrong this scenario inherently feels.

“Just keep smiling and slowly reach for the mace.”

Ultimately the Hag coaxes her into tasting the apple. Every breath leading up to it is dramatically intercut with the dwarfs led by Grumpy (further proof Snow White really has gotten through to the old softie) racing back to the cottage.

Do you want to know why the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre is considered one of the scariest movies of all time? Because for all its promise of a gory spectacular, the violence is deliberately kept offscreen. Our imaginations fill in the blanks and come up with even worse terrors than they could possibly show. Snow White’s poisoning works on that logic. All we hear is her gasping and groaning as the Hag gleefully looks on, ending with the most cinematic shot of the film.

If you’re still convinced Snow’s a dunce for biting the big apple, trust me, it’s a vast improvement over the original. The Queen showed up in disguise three times to kill Snow White with varying methods: strangulation by laces, a poisoned comb, and of course the apple. This was cut down to the last one for obvious reasons – not only would the story be repetitive and extremely padded if they remained, but it makes Snow White look like an idiot for falling for the same trap thrice in a row. The only time I’ve ever seen the inclusion of all three murder attempts work is in the anime The Legend of Snow White (which despite the laughably bad English dub is worth checking out). By the time the Queen comes around with the apple in that instance, Snow White is well aware of who she’s dealing with. But she plays along because the Queen has turned the kingdom to stone, and the only way to break the curse is by taking the bait and destroying her staff while she thinks she’s down, thus turning what was once an act of naivete into a heroic sacrifice.

The Hag exits the cottage feeling confident in who’s the fairest now just in time for the dwarfs to show up. They chase her through a thunderstorm up a cliff side. Literally trapped between a rock and a hard place, she attempts to dislodge a boulder and crush her pursuers. But Zeus is having none of that and a lightning bolt strikes the cliff, plummeting the Hag to her doom.

To quote Linkara, “Thus the origin for ‘Rocks fall, everybody dies’.”

And in case you’re still thinking she could have survived that drop, even with that boulder tilting over after her, the vultures that have been tailing her since she left the castle begin circling lower and lower over the place where she now lies. A chilling, subtle way to show they’re getting a meal after all.

We fade to a wake the dwarfs are holding for Snow White, complete with organ music and weeping – LOTS of sad, silent, motionless weeping. Poor Grumpy gets the worst of it. One can only imagine the tsunami of emotion he must have felt coming home to see that she was making a pie just for him. Like “Someday My Prince Will Come” it shows how restraint can be an asset in acting for animation. Considering how it’s very much like a real-life wake and just how much everyone believes Snow White is truly dead, this was a tough scene to get through.

The seasons pass and we’re told through title cards that the dwarfs couldn’t find it in themselves to bury Snow White, so they built a glass coffin and kept constant vigil along with the depressed forest animals.

“Clearly the idea of watching her slowly decompose over time never crossed their little minds.”

The funeral on top of the wake keeps piling on the sadness. We’re used to animated features moving us to tears, but you have to remember for audiences back then this was an entirely new experience because no animation dared to get this heavy. Think about it: Shirley Temple, Charlie Chaplin, the best and the brightest of Hollywood who poo-pooed Walt for his ridiculous idea – all moved to tears over Snow White. I can only imagine the satisfaction Walt must have felt hearing their sobbing at the premiere. Again, going back to that animator who felt genuine fear for her safety, the audience developed an emotional bond with the character just as they would for a real human on screen.

The Prince FINALLY shows up again still singing his One Song. Believing the love he has long searched for to be lost to him forever, he says his final farewell by bestowing her with Love’s First Kiss.

“Ah – “

“If you make ONE necrophilia joke, I swear I’ll take all the Adam Sandler movies off the Shelf.”

“Please, no!! I’ll have nothing to fully snark at!!”

The kiss does its work and Snow White awakens none the worse for wear. And since what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, she’s immune to all poison ingested via deciduous fruit now. That’ll make ruling the kingdom she’s inherited from her stepmother and disappeared father much easier. And for those of you complaining how a magical kiss is a cop out, trust me, it’s better than how the original fairytale resolved it.

“Somewhere my love lies sleeping, and here she is! I’ll pay you dwarfs anything to let me take her back to my castle and keep her there as a memento of our tragic love.”

“This had better be worth it, she weighs a freaking ton!” “OHH, there goes my hernia!” *BANG*

*HACKHACKCOUGHHACK* “Thanks for the Heimlich, guys, damn apple’s been stuck in my throat for a year!”

“Seriously, I’m not making that up. Plus, they invite the Queen to the wedding and force her to dance to death in red-hot iron shoes.”

Everyone rejoices, Snow White says goodbye to the dwarfs, and the Prince leads her on his horse to his shining palace in the clouds. They all live happily ever after, the end.

And that’s Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, the very first animated Disney movie. Do I believe the American Film Institute’s claims that it’s the best animated film of all time? Well, to be honest, no. The main characters aren’t as developed compared to future Disney protagonists, the animation goes noticeably off model at times, and it’s got one foot stuck in the style of the Silly Symphonies shorts that came before.

Is it the most influential animated film, however? Of course! Without it animation wouldn’t be as mainstream as it is today. While the formula has been updated and subverted through the decades, most animated features follow a similar blueprint – a dastardly villain, fun side characters, memorable music, distinct visual flair, fighting, torture, true love, miracles, you get the picture. We wouldn’t have any of that without Snow White. Once upon a time, this movie was the Star Wars of its era; a groundbreaking, audience-thrilling blockbuster that changed the way people looked at movies. Part of that is because Snow White taps into an emotional simplicity in a manner few films are able to. It relies more on providing an emotional catharsis than logic, inviting us to experience the story as we once did through the eyes of a child, and in doing so captures the essence of a classic fairy tale.

In fact, looking at the ripple effect of how movies can influence one another across the years, Snow White ranks among one of the most influential movies made in general. Apart from Disney you can see its echoes in The Wizard of Oz, Gulliver’s Travels, Citizen Kane, and yes, the original Star Wars. Even Sergei Eisenstein, the man who revolutionized filmmaking with freaking Battleship Potemkin, declared Snow White to be the greatest film ever made.

…So why did Walt Disney come to hate it later on in life?

Every movie that’s met with acclaim and accolades is bound to hit some backlash for one reason or another. Maybe it’s been overhyped, or time hasn’t been that kind to it. For Walt, Snow White leaned into the latter as his artistic prowess grew. No creator likes looking at their past work because it’s easier to notice the flaws when viewing it through a more experienced eye (believe me, I know). That, and no matter what he did, it seemed impossible to escape from Snow White’s shadow. For decades everything he created was inevitably compared to it.

Hmm, the animation and music are an improvement, but what it’s really missing are some dwarfs.

Hmm, the creativity leaps off the charts, but if only the score had lyrics that rhyme with the words “shmeigh shmo”.

Hmm, it’s breathtaking and magical, but it’d be perfect if you could just sit and watch it for eighty minutes without interacting with any of it at all.

Hmm, it’s practically perfect in every way, but…um…uh…more dwarfs, dammit!!

Thankfully Walt’s displeasure mellowed after some time. As for Snow White, she’s still rightfully hailed as the one that started it all. The art is iconic, the characters are unforgettable, and virtually all the songs are Disney gold standards for a reason. Well before Rodgers and Hammerstein changed the face of musical theater by having the score and the book go hand in hand, Snow White did it first in the cinemas. In fact this was the first movie to ever have a commercially released soundtrack, another confounded idea Hollywood wouldn’t understand for quite a while. Though time may temper with modern expectations, Snow White is as much a classic now as it was destined to be eighty years ago, and nothing can touch it. It still is the fairest one of all.

“HA! Try to remake/sequelize THAT, Disney!”

“Excuse me, is it too late to join this review?”

“I’m sorry, who are you?”

“Oh, where are my manners? I’m Snow White’s sister, Rose Red.”

“…You sure you’re not just a color-swapped OC clone from Deviantart?”

“Of course I’m not, silly! I’m in the fairytale and everything! Well, not THE fairytale per se, but there is one titled ‘Snow White and Rose Red’ where we’re siblings.”

“Checks out. They’re technically related.”

“Okay, but what are you doing here?”

“I was just wondering when you were going to discuss my upcoming movie!”

“Your…movie?”

“Oh yes! It’s going to be Disney’s Snow White all over again but from MY point of view! Isn’t that exciting?”

“But…but you weren’t even in Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.”

“I know! I was off to the side doing…well, you’ll have to wait and see! The lady who wrote that Gone Girl knockoff that takes place on a train and the Indecent Proposal remake is doing the screenplay and she is just delightful!”

“…Excuse me for one moment.”

“Oh dear. Have I said something wrong?”

“It’s ok. This is just the part of the review where Shelf goes berserk.”

Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed this review, please consider supporting me on Patreon. Special thanks to Amelia Jones and Gordhan Ranaj for their contributions.

You can vote for what movie you want me to look at next by leaving it in the comments or emailing me at upontheshelfshow@gmail.com. Remember, you can only vote once a month. The list of movies available to vote for are under “What’s On the Shelf”.

Also, Patreon supporters get extra votes among other perks. If I reach the goal of $100, I can get back to reviewing animated series! I’m at the halfway mark right now, so please consider supporting me if you’re able.

Artwork by Charles Moss.

Most screencaps courtesy of animationscreencaps.com.

February Review: Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937) If there's a reason why we're able to recall the story of Snow White from memory, and why said princess is usually depicted with short hair, a cute bow and surrounded by woodland fauna, look no further than Disney.

[ceescedasticity]

Scedasticity’s ofic family kudzu master post

(mostly so i can keep track of who’s shown up... wow this is longer than I was expecting)

“The Aquitaine Incident” (trigger warning)

Cathal Faerbaen

Gebhard Schwarzwald’s Dysfunctional Family

Why The Koszceys Are Still Trying To Live Down Their Reputation After An Entire Century Of Nothing To Complain About (trigger warning)

Chernobog and Avdotya’s Reign of Terror (trigger warning)

Belenes-Elgezabal Gascony Feud

Tenth-Century Greenland

Decline and Fall of the de Lares Montium

The Faerbaens vs. British Politics

Egle Wolflin vs. Her Siblings’ Love-Lives

The Schwarzwald Bargain

al-Djinni

Alfven

Asuryas

Belenes (Complete Belenes tree)

Coppenal

di Larsmontim / de Lares Montium / other variations

Faerbaen

Felices

ha-Nef

Koszcey

Llyrion (Complete Llyrion tree)

Oshunmare

Schwarzwald

Tuathdan

Wolflin

DARRAS AL-DJINNI AL-ANDALUS b. 956: Started a fight but it never did get violent (Decline and Fall of the de Lares Montium, postlude)

KASIF AL-DJINNIYYAH b. 900: Really that would be enough to make anyone leave (Decline and Fall of the de Lares Montium, 3/5)

AMINA AL-ZAHRA b. 740: Was peripherally connected to the Aquitaine Incident but her notes aren’t really about that so I’m mostly sure I didn’t include her there…

IDHUNN ALFVEN b. 821: This situation is unacceptable so let’s blame EVERYBODY (“The Aquitaine Incident”, 6/6)

SEREJS ALFVEN b. 896: The Alfvens go to Eastern Europe! Okay, actually that was his dad, Serejs was born there.

VALBRAND ALFVEN: I mean if you want to be charitable he wasn’t taught not to (“The Aquitaine Incident”, 3/6)

VALDÍS ALFVEN b. 960: Xenophobia cannot defeat the lure of discovery and lucrative intercontinental smuggling (Tenth-Century Greenland, ¼ probably)

VIDHARR ALFVEN b. 960: Not the most knowledgeable tour guide ever… (Tenth-Century Greenland, 3/4 probably)

BELATZ ANJANAS: Fortunately Faery realm social politics aren’t free of groundless rumormongering, either, so he probably wasn’t caught totally off guard

MANISH ASURYAS b. 1750: It could also have been better

PERIYANACCI ASURYAS b. 1288: Politics? Carefully calculated appearance calibration? *bats eyelashes* Me?

SUDARSHAN ASURYAS b. 1778: It was worth a shot, anyway.

ALIBERTA BELENES: The Vikings were QUITE bad enough, the whole mortal virginity obsession thing was NOT needed (“The Aquitaine Incident”, 2/6)

AURÉLIE BELENES b. 1958: Seriously Aurélie you’re a strong enough Faeblood thirty is barely STARTING your prime

DENIS BELENES b. 1262 and MARGUERITE DE PROVINS: tbh she’s the one the entry’s about (The Belenes-Elgezabal Gascony Feud, 5/7)

DONAR BELENES: Angry; grieving; hurt; NOT HELPING (“The Aquitaine Incident, 4/6)

ESTIENNE BELENES b. 1231: Aaaaaand not just arguing. (Belenes-Elgezabal Gascony Feud, 4/7)

GENEVIEVE BELENES b. 1751: It just. Wasn’t her country or her cause.

GILBERT BELENES b. 1040 and ELFLEDA SILVATICA: Gilbert we’re trying to be STRATEGIC here

GUILLAUME BELENES b. 1198: Arguing… (Belenes-Elgezabal Gascony Feud, 2/7)

KEMEN BELENES b. 851 and THORKATLA ALFVEN b. 850: Making peace, 28 years after “the Aquitaine Incident”

MAXIMILIEN BELENES b. 1777: Probably got written off as stupid more than he should have (also Marie Mercier)

REGINHARD BELENES b. 982: He probably could have regained more functionality if he’d gone to Thalassan or Gahn Nef for help but he had other things to do

THERESE BELENES b. 986: RUDE, Liban, very rude

THIERRY BELENES, 1165-1203: He really can’t be blamed for the cover story, having been dead at the time

CORNELIA COPPENAL b. 1874: Maker of questionable race-related designer baby choices & igniter of ensuing controversy

DIEDERIK COPPENAL b. 1799: You may notice some verbatim overlap with Linnet, sorry

DIEDERIK COPPENAL b. 1954: No, really (read after Hubrecht)

HUBRECHT COPPENAL b. 1909: [cue up video of that person in the bird of paradise costume doing the display dance]

ULRIKA-MARIE COPPENAL b. 1846: Enough is enough, sheesh

GAIUS DE LARES MONTIUM: Had a good idea, but it sort of backfired on him (Decline and Fall of the de Lares Montium, actually 2/5)

MARIA DE LARES MONTIUM b. 929: Also noping… (Decline and Fall of the de Lares Montium, 5/5)

PANDOLFINUS DE LARES MONTIUM a.k.a. BUNDAR AL-DJINNI b. 925: Yeah, he’s noping out of this trainwreck. (Decline and Fall of the de Lares Montium, 4/5)

PANDOLFUS DE LARES MONTIUM b. 871: The de Lares Montium family is not doing so hot (Decline and Fall of the de Lares Montium, 1/5)

LYNDWEN DE MYRDDIN: As someone more than half Faery, who lives in the Faery realm, but with significant human ancestry, Lyndwen is a Mortal-blood. The de Myrddins are a Mortal-blood family.

NEREUS DE MYRDDIN: …Ooops?

PERSEPHONE DE MYRDDIN: Possibly born sometime in the eighteenth century? It’s really hard to tell sometimes.

ELLEN DEXTER: AWKWARD. (The Faerbaens Bet Too Much On British Politics, 5/8)

FULGENZIO DI LARSMONTIM b. 1904: There are… multiple reasons, not all of them covered here, most people are happy to embrace a joke on Fulgenzio

VESPASIANO DI LARSMONTIM: The weird apostrophes seem not to show up on my actual blog!

VITTORIA DI LARSMONTIM b. 1941: Cornelia this is all your fault (okay not really)

ALDONTZA ELGEZABAL b. 1530: Cut your losses and go on

ARGIÑE ELGEZABAL b. 1165: Arguing… (Belenes-Elgezabal Gascony Feud, 3/7)

BASAJAUN ELGEZABAL b. 1299: It was his idea (The end of the Felices, 3/5)

BIKENDI ELGEZABAL b. 1323: Most likely little if any of it was his idea (The end of the Felices, 2/5)

EKAITZ ELGEZABAL b. 1265: Didn’t start it, but REALLY wanted to finish it (and not like this) (Belenes-Elgezabal Gascony Feud, 6/7)

LOPEITZA ELGEZABAL b. 1565: A lot of expectations, but not as many as Llewella, since no one was expecting her to go retake the nonexistent stronghold

NAHIA, KOLDOBIKA, and AINTZANE ELGEZABAL: There’s probably more that could be written about them and hasn’t been (The end of the Felices, 5/5)

NEKANE ELGEZABAL b. 1349: Could have officially become Nekane Felices, if other families hadn’t gotten suspicious of her father (The end of the Felices, 4/5)

URRACA ELGEZABAL b. 1530: Not the irresponsible twin per se, but certainly the more exciting one

ADAIR ELPHINSTONE b. 1710: Not the first or the last Elphinstone to be a little too emphatic about the family’s minor status, but one of the best remembered

LINNET ELPHINSTONE b. 1799: How ya gonna keep ‘em, down on the farm…

ANEIRIN FAERBAEN b. 1642 and CAOIMHE TUATHDAN b. 1652: It’s pronounced “Keavy”. I think.

ANGHARAD FAERBAEN b. 1614: DAMMIT. (The Faerbaens Bet Too Much On British Politics, 9/8: They do NOT bet too much but still get burned)

BRANWEN FAERBAEN b. 1328: DAMMIT. (The Faerbaens Bet Too Much On British Politics, 4/8)

CARYS FAERBAEN b. 1714: Just came out to have a good time and is… definitely having a good time

CATHAL FAERBAEN: But he WASN’T an evil sorcerer!

CERIDWEN FAERBAEN b. 1271: She’s not asking you, she’s telling you (The Faerbaens Bet Too Much On British Politics, 3/8) 

GLENYS FAERBAEN b. 1204: Dammit. (The Faerbaens Bet Too Much On British Politics, 1/8)

GWILYM FAERBAEN: You really can’t blame him. (The Faerbaens Bet Too Much On British Politics, 2/8)

IORWERTH FAERBAEN b. 1745: Some people aren’t cut out for parenting really

LÍADAN FAERBAEN: Beating people up in continental Europe was supposed to be her father’s thing (Why The Koszceys Are Still Trying To Live Down Their Reputation After An Entire Century Of Nothing To Complain About, 13/22)

LLEWELLA FAERBAEN b. 1403: Had a lot of expectations to deal with (The Faerbaens Bet Too Much On British Politics, 7/8)

LOWELL FAERBAEN: Also a lot of expectations (The Faerbaens Bet Too Much On British Politics, 8/8)

RHODRY FAERBAEN b. 1581: As long as I’ve got the tree handy…

ENRIC FELICES b. 1241: Just the arbitrator (Belenes-Elgezabal Gascony Feud, 7/actually 7 it turns out)

EULALIA FELICES b. 1330: It definitely sucked to be her, it’s not clear how much of that was her husband’s fault (The end of the Felices, 1/5)

FERRAN FELICES b. 799: Not helping and also not really invited (“The Aquitaine Incident”, 5/6)

ALAINNE and SUSANE FILSELFE: They did TRY to get things settled. (Belenes-Elgezabal Gascony Feud, 1/7)

ELGIVA FREWER b. 1725: Even most first-generation halfbloods end up at least materially comfortable, Faery do that much to provide, buuuut sometimes someone slips through the cracks. They often make it through on Faery-fueled luck and charisma anyway.

LIUDVIKA GIEDRIUS b. 1784: Back to an actual Koszcey-by-blood this time, not that it’s advisable to call her that (Why The Koszceys Are Still Trying To Live Down Their Reputation After An Entire Century Of Nothing To Complain About, 17/22)

MARIOTA GYLDENHELS: Right, but also English. (The Faerbaens bet too much on British politics, 6/8)

LEAH HA-NEF b. 1825: least foot-draggy of the big damn heroes (Why The Koszceys Are Still Trying To Live Down Their Reputation After An Entire Century Of Nothing To Complain About, 15/22)

SCOLASTER HA-NEF b. 1308 and IBRAHIM BEN ELIJAH: One tragedy among many, but it always stings more when you think you could have stopped it

IRUNE, IZAR, ILUNTSO, and IZOTZ ITURRIZA b. 1635, 1636, 1637, and 1638: The kids didn’t do anything wrong… I mean we can’t be 100% sure ANYONE did anything wrong, it just really looks that way

KAMINOJISOU MINORU b. 1749: He… presumably had his reasons…?

AFANASI KOSZCEY “THE PREVIOUS” Part 1, born in original body sometime before 1590, died for real in 1805 (Why The Koszceys Are Still Trying To Live Down Their Reputation After An Entire Century Of Nothing To Complain About, 1/22)

AFANASI KOSZCEY “THE PREVIOUS” Part 2, born in original body sometime before 1590, died for good in 1805: he was bad before and now he’s worse (Why The Koszceys Are Still Trying To Live Down Their Reputation After An Entire Century Of Nothing To Complain About, 6/22)

AFANASI KOSZCEY b. 1757: the original one, as in not the body-stealer (Why The Koszceys Are Still Trying To Live Down Their Reputation After An Entire Century Of Nothing To Complain About, 5/22)

AFANASI KOSZCEY b. 1790 “THE NEXT-TO-LAST”: Really dodged a bullet on the whole body-getting-stolen thing (Why The Koszceys Are Still Trying To Live Down Their Reputation After An Entire Century Of Nothing To Complain About, 7/22)

AFANASI KOSZCEY b. 1859 “THE LAST”: Problematic, but at least not blatantly terrible? (Why The Koszceys Are Still Trying To Live Down Their Reputation After An Entire Century Of Nothing To Complain About, 21/22)

AVDOTYA KOSZCEY: Afanasi the Previous wanted immortality, but no one quite knows what Avdotya wanted (Why The Koszceys Are Still Trying To Live Down Their Reputation After An Entire Century Of Nothing To Complain About, 10/22)

CHERNOBOG KOSZCEY: I mean when you’re named Chernobog it’s understandable if you feel your career goals are limited (Why The Koszceys Are Still Trying To Live Down Their Reputation After An Entire Century Of Nothing To Complain About, 11/22)

MATRONA KOSZCEY a.k.a. MATRONA WOLFLIN a.k.a. MATRONA GINTAROVA: sometimes you just have to walk away, and also there’s a story behind her marriage but I don’t know what it is (Why The Koszceys Are Still Trying To Live Down Their Reputation After An Entire Century Of Nothing To Complain About, 3/22)

MISC KOSZCEYS: Why The Koszceys Are Still Trying To Live Down Their Reputation After An Entire Century Of Nothing To Complain About, 22/22

MORANA KOSZCEY b. 1813: It may have kind of sucked to be her, but it’s really hard to tell how much (Why The Koszceys Are Still Trying To Live Down Their Reputation After An Entire Century Of Nothing To Complain About, 18/22)

MSTISLAV KOSZCEY: Should probably get more credit than he does for being a normal person (Why The Koszceys Are Still Trying To Live Down Their Reputation After An Entire Century Of Nothing To Complain About, 19/22)

RUSALKA KOSZCEY: nothing funny to say here sadly (Why The Koszceys Are Still Trying To Live Down Their Reputation After An Entire Century Of Nothing To Complain About, 8/22)

VASILISSA KOSZCEY: The one everyone likes (Why The Koszceys Are Still Trying To Live Down Their Reputation After An Entire Century Of Nothing To Complain About, 9/22)

BEATRIX LESLIE b. 1860: Or Underwood, really, but she kept using Leslie despite her estrangement from her father, so…

ANCAMNA LLYRION b. 1310: Not here to reprimand the entire country of England for you, Vespasien

ASHERAT LLYRION b. 1595: Would almost certainly have been able to veto it if she tried (The Llyrions Marry Everyone, in no particular order, 2/13?)

BRANWEN LLYRION b. 781: Did not ask to deal with Viking-related family feud/diplomatic incident and yet here we are (“The Aquitaine Incident”, 1/?)

BRANWEN LLYRION b. 1105 and MARAJIL AL-DJINNIYYAH b. 1110: Worked out pretty well (The Llyrions Marry Everyone, in no particular order, 8/13?)

CERNUN LLYRION b. 1349 and SABINE BELENES b. 1355: Probably not arranged as such (The Llyrions Marry Everyone, now shifting into approximately chronological order but we’ll see, 11/13?)

CERNUN LLYRION b. 1532 and DEIRDRE TUATHDAN b. 1537: Yes, everyone’s thinking it, but you don’t need to SAY it… (The Llyrions Marry Everyone, 13/many possible others but most of them aren’t as interesting)

CORDELIA LLYRION b. 1522: Because it was there

DYLAN LLYRION b. 1038 and PERIYANACCI ASURYAS b. 1042: Best remembered for Periyanacci’s writing. (The Llyrions Marry Everyone, in no particular order, 9/13?)

FAND AND LIBAN LLYRION b. 969: Major Faeblood families – worryingly powerful mages negotiating delicate alliances or backbiting rumormongers?

LIBAN LLYRION b. 1260 and PIRAMARAYAN ASURYAS b. 1258: Everyone is a little on edge (The Llyrions Marry Everyone, in no particular order, 5/13?)

LLEW LLYRION b. 728 and FINNA ALFVEN: Vikings. Yep. (The Llyrions Marry Everyone, in no particular order, 4/13?)

MANAWYDAN LLYRION b. 1107 and RHIANNON FAERBAEN b. 1106: Not really a dynastic marriage exactly since there was no Faerbaen family prior to this… getting in on the ground floor maybe? (The Llyrions Marry Everyone, in no particular order, 7/13?)

MANNANON LLYRION b. 1251 and CHECHEGENE SHOLMOJIN b. 1264: SPEAKING of nonaggression pact marriages… (The Llyrions Marry Everyone, in no particular order, 10/13?)

NIAMH LLYRION b. 1681: Strong Faebloods+industrialization=:(

NJORD LLYRION b. 644: A Llyrion really should have known better

PONTUS LLYRION b. 1558: It was the timing that was unusual, really. (The Llyrions Marry Everyone, in no particular order, 1/13?)

RAN LLYRION b. 905 and KAMIL AL-DJINNI b. 902: It was a tense couple of centuries in the Mediterranean. (The Llyrions Marry Everyone, in no particular order, 6/13?)

RUSALKA LLYRION b. 1727: as far as anyone can tell she never actually knew anything shady was going on (Why The Koszceys Are Still Trying To Live Down Their Reputation After An Entire Century Of Nothing To Complain About, 4/22)

THETIS LLYRION b. 750 and ADALBERT BELENES: You may remember Thetis from the Aquitaine Incident (The Llyrions Marry Everyone, in no particular order, 3/13?)

THETIS LLYRION b. 1454 and STEVEN WELHAM: I really don’t have any interesting information about these two unless I want to get into why a Faerbaen descendant is a Welham, which ties into the whole Second Faerbaen Lost Cause Incident… (The Llyrions Marry Everyone, 12/13)

AYOKUNLE OSHUNMARE b. 1815: This reeeeeally wasn’t his problem but he helped out anyway (Why The Koszceys Are Still Trying To Live Down Their Reputation After An Entire Century Of Nothing To Complain About, 14/22)

YEWANDE OSHUNMARE b. 1787: What?

ISIDORA PETRONOV b. 1914: Whoops just kidding here’s Alexei’s grandmother (Egle Wolflin vs. her siblings’ love-lives, 6/5: tangentially related)

KATERINA PETRONOV b. 1794: She on the other hand definitely appreciated how many metaphorical bullets she narrowly dodged

VLADIMIR PETRONOV b. 1798: Not sure he ever really appreciated how many metaphorical bullets he narrowly avoided

AGAFYA PETROVA: Fully aware what a trainwreck of a family she was marrying into but did it anyway <3 (Why The Koszceys Are Still Trying To Live Down Their Reputation After An Entire Century Of Nothing To Complain About, 20/22)

ALBRECHT SCHWARZWALD b. 1574: I don’t think anyone would blame him… except probably his brother and nephew

ALBRECHT SCHWARZWALD b. 1781: Being the long-awaited son isn’t really a picnic either (Gebhard Schwarzwald’s Dysfunctional Family, 5/8)

ALBRECHT SCHWARZWALD b. 1982: It would have been a hard choice except it was the only thing he could live with

BERGELMIR SCHWARZWALD b. 1747: The GOOD Sieghard continues to earn his reputation as the good one

CÄCILIA SCHWARZWALD b. 1781: Someone in this family has to be responsible and not spite-driven (Gebhard Schwarzwald’s Dysfunctional Family, 7/8)

CLAUS SCHWARZWALD b. 1908: I feel bad for him but he really shouldn’t have done that

GEBHARD SCHWARZWALD b. 1736: But he just wanted a soooooooon (with bonus fully-human wives #1 and #2) (Gebhard Schwarzwald’s Dysfunctional Family, 1/8)

GERDA SCHWARZWALD b. 1604: Okay but where was this technique 150 years later when Gebhard was obsessing about it?

GISELA SCHWARZWALD b. 1689: It really was a very well-strategized exit

GUNTHER SCHWARZWALD b. 1869: Would he have approved of the stuff his sons got the family into after he died? No. Would he have managed to stop them had be been alive? Also no.

HILTRAUD SCHWARZWALD: Vindictive? That sweet, proper maiden aunt? (Gebhard Schwarzwald’s Dysfunctional Family, 2/8)

INGEBORG SCHWARZWALD b.1775: Not irresponsible or spite-driven but did kind of nope her way out of all the drama (Gebhard Schwarzwald’s Dysfunctional Family, 8/8)

IRMGARD SCHWARZWALD b. 1775: Find her picture under ‘well-behaved women seldom make history’ (Gebhard Schwarzwald’s Dysfunctional Family, 4/8)

KRIEMHILDE SCHWARZWALD b. 1967: Thanks to her nephew it turned out not to be an issue but she had every reason to worry

LEONHARD SCHWARZWALD b. 1810: For some reason this guy always strikes me as more boring than I think he really is?

ODILIA SCHWARZWALD: Leaving the continent was probably not a bad idea (Gebhard Schwarzwald’s Dysfunctional Family, 3/8)

OTTO SCHWARZWALD b. 1545: It’s not ALL his fault, just… a lot of it 

SIEGHARD SCHWARZWALD b. 1711: The GOOD Sieghard

SIEGHARD SCHWARZWALD b. 1841: The BAD Sieghard

ULRIKA SCHWARZWALD b. 1784: Baby of the family (Gebhard Schwarzwald’s Dysfunctional Family, 6/8)

WIBEKE SCHWARZWALD b. 1769: Got left out of the ‘Gebhard Schwarzwald’s Dysfunctional Family’ sequence because it required too much Koszcey background, but wasn’t significant enough to make it into the Koszcey sequence

NERISSA SIBLEY b. 1966: It’s like finding out you’re a lost princess, but with extra embarrassing family curse and a really inconvenient iron sensitivity

HONOVI SOYOKAI b. 1832: …Apparently the Western Oshunmares just don’t make very good in-laws? Excellent friends and allies, just really annoying in-laws.

ARWELA SWAIXWE b. 962: All that studying was good for something (Tenth-Century Greenland, 2/4 probably)

NORSAQ SWAIXWE b. 959: Presumably had some sort of alias while pretending to be Spanish or Russian, but I’m not sure what it was (Tenth-Century Greenland, 4/4 probably)

TANEMGHURT TAYYURT b. 1068: When alliance matches go bad

CUSIRIMAY TERRAZES b. 1804: IN-LAWS

MALINTZIN TIACAPAN b. 1744: I should probably decide whether or not she was a first-generation halfblood…

DEIRDRE TUATHDAN b. 1179: Reacted prudently, unlike SOME people.

FIONNGHUALA AND FIONNTAN TUATHDAN b. 1950: Seriously it’s not strange at all

DOROTA VONDRACEK b. 1956: She wasn’t blameless in the marriage falling apart, just less of an asshole during the divorce (Egle Wolflin vs. her siblings’ love lives, 3/5)

ALEXEI VYSHINSKI b. 1961: You could say QUITE A LOT about the eccentricities and interpersonal problems of his parents and grandparents but luckily for them that’s not our point just now (Egle Wolflin vs. Her Siblings’ Love-Lives, 5/5)

SOPHIA WELLS b. 1968: NO, not Desideria.

AUDRA WOLFLIN b. 1963: She wasn’t expecting joy, but she wasn’t expecting this bad a reaction either. (Egle Wolflin vs. her siblings’ love lives, 4/5)

AUGUSTINAS WOLFLIN b. 1957: He could have handled that better (Egle Wolflin Vs. Her Siblings’ Love-Lives, 2/5)

AZUOLAS WOLFLIN b. 1839: not surprising he ended up with a bit of a chip on his shoulder (Why The Koszceys Are Still Trying To Live Down Their Reputation After An Entire Century Of Nothing To Complain About, 16/22)

DAINA WOLFLIN b. 1809: She WAS happy

EGLE WOLFLIN b. 1954: Well, someone DOES need to be in charge… (Egle Wolflin Vs. Her Siblings’ Love-Lives, 1/5)

GINTARE WOLFLIN: apparently lives in a Gothic novel now, have those even been invented in the 1660s (Why The Koszceys Are Still Trying To Live Down Their Reputation After An Entire Century Of Nothing To Complain About, 2/22)

ROZE WOLFLIN: In the first draft when everything was over she just sorta died but fortunately for her the author is older and wiser now (Why The Koszceys Are Still Trying To Live Down Their Reputation After An Entire Century Of Nothing To Complain About, 12/22)