#Magnus is like the most beautiful person Ive ever seen

[jewish-gedaliah]

I saw a man so beautiful i started crying???

[normal-thoughts-official]

Do you have any hcs about Magnus+animals👀. I just love that he likes them. Sorry if this is dumb

ITS SO NOT DUMB!!!!! like first of all i love every ask i get and never not once felt that they were dumb and second of all this is actually one of my fave ever asks which is why it took me months on end to answer it. rip. i'm so sorry

anyway like not to have a shallow stereotypical fan take but he is so soft and precious. like the way he talks to/about animals is everything to me. magnus gushing over his snake? beautiful. incredible. outstanding. tears in my eyes, thundering applause. i love him

i almost wrote tears in my ass god help me

as a whole here's what i think

magnus is the kind of guy who loves any kind of animal (except maybe like mosquitoes) and considers them all baby in his head. however he is respectful of wildlife and stuff because he was also raised in javanese society in a time where humans interacted with wild animals way more than they do today, so he's not stupid

but just like there's no animal he doesn't like? he's not really a dog person but it's less that he doesn't like dogs and more that he knows a dog isn't the most suitable kind of pet for him. doesn't mean he can't be happy and pet one when he sees it tho

he totally has a soft spot for reptiles. like again THE WAY HE TALKED TO THAT SNAKE. i think magnus totally does the thing many marginalized ppl do where he just loves pets that are usually considered weird and that are sort of "outcasts" in that sense. so like he loves snakes, iguanas, chameleons and other animals like that, even tho his favorites will of course always be cats

at first magnus felt kind of weird/guilty (?) about his connection to cats because, you know, cat eyes, it felt like he liked cats because of his demonic side and it made him anxious to think that it might be just asmodeus' heritage because he doesn't want that. but over time it just became clear to him that cats are amazing animals and there is nothing bad, evil, abusive, or demonic about them or the way magnus feels about them

magnus is totally the kind of guy who doesn't have, like.... Official Pets but has a lot of unofficial ones. i know this is basically canon since we've seen how he basically has a bunch of street cats that come and go through the loft but it's still a detail i like a lot. like he doesn't want to Own Them and force them to be with him, he wants them to come and go as they please but he also wants them to have a home and shelter, you know? i love that cuz thatd be my ideal way of having pets (but cats are an invasive species where i live so i cant rlly do that, rip). he just sees them as like creatures with agency and wants them to be able to make their own choices

related to that, i think magnus' magic means the way he perceives animals is different. like he can't Speak To Animals or anything of the sort but animals have like... energy and auras just like humans and i think the fact that he can perceive that physically means he sees them as people a lot more than other humans do. that is probably enhanced by the cultural differences, since the strict division between animals and humans is a VERY modern western thing, but idk the details about javanese culture's views on that (and it would depend a lot on his religion and stuff like that anyway since javanese society, especially in jakarta, was so diverse)

anyway my point is that he perceives animals as beings with agency, feelings, wants, dreams, anguishes and etc more than most because he can kind of feel that energy and knows it's just the same as a human's. so it's weird for him to have a kind of domestication relationship where he keeps an animal in his home and dictates where they go (and when) and stuff like that. they are people to him

however he does have names for them all and he most definitely knows which are which and how are they doing. he doesn't really keep tabs exactly but he pays attention, you know? also if he happens to come by a rescued animal who cant live in the streets/wild for whatever reason, he most definitely will adopt them. it helped him a lot through the times when he felt loneliest (like after he broke up with camille and in twi)

this is gratuitous and not rlly a headcanon but you know that scene in tgp where eleanor has a whole ass lizard on her head? that is my absolute dream and therefore i just want to take a moment to imagine magnus with a lizard a real one, not lorenzo on top of his head or shoulder. bonus points if hes acting like it's the most normal thing in the world and whenever someone is like "magnus... there is a lizard... on your head" hes just like "i know right! his name is Coldskin Warmheart and he likes to be tall" and thinks it's the coolest thing even if it messes up his hair

lmao magnus and coldskin warmheart dressed up in like matching outfits or in such a way that the lizard is a part of his outfit. walk walk fashion baby

oh he absolutely loves to give animals the most outrageous names and the most outrageous names ONLY. again that's essentially canon but like all of his animals are either named puns or something completely corny and absurd like Mr Snugglyface. he never repeats a name and his friends are kind of impressed with how many awful names he keeps coming up with

not animals but magnus also loves plants! so much! and he definitely loves to prune and water them and talks to them ya know

magnus isn't much of a biology nerd the way he is with physics but he loves animal facts

ok i think thats all ive got rifnfid thanks for the question aaaa ❤️❤️

[kinkymagnus]

V X K for the fanfic ask thingy?

If you could write the sequel or prequel to any fic out there not written by yourself, which would you choose?

lgkjglkhjfgh honestly staying within this fandom i’ve kind of.....given up on reading fic unless it’s directly written (or recommended, but mostly written tbh) by friends and/or people i trust so like i very rarely read fics, you know?

 and most of those fics are like..... it’s not that i wouldn’t want more, but like, i’d rather that person write more than me, you know? 

also the second im asked to choose a fic i forget every fic ive ever read lkjhflgkhjfghlkfjh. fuck, uh. i genuinely can’t think of anything, like there are lots of really good fics i’ve read but nothing i’d want to like Take Control Of and write more of.

i guess there are some like... i’ve seen some AUs that make me go “oh no no no, you’re doing this all wrong!” like.... every good place malec au ever in this fandom (oh my god some of them genuinely make me like. actually angry.) or like i’m like “cool concept! let’s make it sub magnus. and trans magnus. yeah” or “huh, i like this idea! let’s do it again but like... Not Racist.” but i mean i don’t really want to call anyone out specifically. i can def think of some authors tho ngl lgkhjflkhjfgh sorry not sorry

sorry, i’m kind of ruining the question but i just can’t think of an answer lghjflkjgh

ok i’m just gonna recommend very few good authors: @tothetrashwhereibelong @immortals-malec @biconicfinn this is not by far all my fave authors im just limiting myself to three and i’ve read fics by all three of them recently and they were all BEAUTIFUL so. yeah i love all these peoples fics and would read more. 

also not that i could write it but dont u need to get around to writing that songbird and the blade sequel ezra? ;)

A character you enjoy making suffer:

i mean if you mean in a sort of “hurt your darlings” way where it’s like i love angst but i patch it up afterwards >:) then definitely magnus, im terrible i love angst with a happy ending like.... he suffer..... but also he gets hugs afterwards im a softie deep down

but if you mean like “i would physically throat punch this character and i want them to suffer” then like.... jace, jonathan, camille, lorenzo, valentine... mostly the obvious choices lmao. mostly all the white guys tbh? not all of them but like most of them.

What's the angstiest idea you've ever come up with?

aaaaaaaaaaaaa hmmm mm mmm idk. ive come up with... ahem... a lot of angst. i really like angst tbh. 

ok after like thirty minutes of thinking i can’t think of The Angstiest Idea Ever ive forgotten all my angst so i’m going to go generally some of my favorite most painful angst tropes/generic concepts and ideas:

touch starved magnus..................craving touch but thinking he doesn’t deserve it or that no one would want to or that he shouldn’t or whatever............ ;-; 

secret relationship angst + misunderstandings like the whole both of them think the other want to keep the relationship secret for whatever reason (bonus for triple threat with enemies to lovers so they act like they hate each other in public and if magnus takes the “banter” to heart a little who’s to know except the pillow he cries into at night sometimes?) and it’s sort of this “oh he’s ashamed of me/doesn’t want people to know he’s with me specifically/im the one whos bad here/hes only here for [sex/money/power/whatever] This Is Fine” kind of thing but really they’re just like both in love. bonus if it’s like alec is just [elevator music] “magnus wants us to be secret bc [something reasonable and maybe to do with their rivalry or his family or something] but eventually we’ll be open since we’re prob gonna get married someday, i’m ok with waiting until he’s comfortable bc im secure in our relationship and i know we’re in love :) life is good” while magnus is like [sad violins] “he doesn’t love me......................................... im alone........... this is fine..............” 

ok i love like.... a character just pushing themselves way beyond what’s necessary to the point of hurting themselves, being exhausted/hurt but still pushing bc low self esteem/wanting to help/etc. this works for magnus pretty good i think bc he’s more than willing to hurt himself to help people and he’s more than willing to exhaust himself to help out and if played right, especially with the right amount of misunderstandings or obliviousness for it to play out it can be very painful :)

camille and asmodeous related angst can get particularly fucking bad 

fuck i just keep forgetting every angst ive ever written lkhjflgkjfhg god damn it 

[lasercruz]

@quarterdollar​ fuck you and im sorry that i took so long to answer and i hope that im mostly coherent because i am. very tired as im typing this

1: Full name Nicky Jackie Marie Cruz !!

2: Age 21

3: 3 Fears Mold, tall heights if I’m not secured (like, I’m not scared of rollercoaster heights but I’m scared of like, cliffs), and balloons esp balloon animals

4: 3 things I love I love so many things uhh hh h. Jjba, adventure zone, and my friendssss 💞

I know turn ons/offs aren’t inherently sexual but i never know what to say for them so im skipping them :0

7: My best friend you 🥺🥺

8: Sexual orientation bi

9: My best first date ive never really been on a actual date :0

10: How tall am I 5′3

11: What do I miss being with my friends physically and just watching stuff or goofing around on the floor 😭

12: What time were I born 11:02pm

13: Favourite color Dark blues

14: Do I have a crush yes shh

15: Favourite quote there so much sappy quotes that are on uquizzes a lot that i like a lot the first that comes to mind is “ You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won’t tell you that he loves you, but he loves you.” and so on and also “if i loved you less i might be able to talk about it more”

16: Favourite place As far as just physically and not like people or other stuff that comes with with a place, I miss VT campus a lot tbh more than I thought I would. To pick a more specific place, the gazebo at the duck pond cause its where I’d go if I wanted to be alone or like if my roommate was sleeping or working and i didnt want to worry about being quite and it was always super peaceful

17: Favourite food I dont really have One favorite food it just depends what I’m in the mood for but my go to answer for favorite food category wise is either chinese or seafood

18: Do I use sarcasm Depends who I’m with ?? Generally no not often but if im close with someone and just goofin yeah

19: What am I listening to right now My love song playlist. its my go to thing to listen to cause my playlist with all my music has so much on it that i end up skipping half the songs until i find something im in the mood for and this one has a lot less that i end up skipping. the current song its on is day without you by keep for cheap

20: First thing I notice in new person It depends on the person like if they have something that stands out about them, thats what I tend to notice but like. How they carry themself i guess ? cause i feel like thats a easy way to get a read on somebody before talking to them

21: Shoe size 5 mens / 7 womans

22: Eye color Brown

23: Hair color Naturally dark brown but currently dyed black with rainbow bangs

24: Favourite style of clothing this question is on so many ask games and quizzes and I never know how to answer it cause i feel like i dont really have one specific style,, I like colorful and fun stuff i guess ?

25: Ever done a prank call?  No and if you prank call a place of business youre annoying. i used to answer phones at work and we didn’t get them super often but GOD i hate prank callers

27: Meaning behind my URL emu is an old nickname and what i mainly went by until i settled on Nicky and this. is my blog.

28: Favourite movie Baby driver !!

29: Favourite song my go to answer for this is community gardens by the scary jokes

30: Favourite band THE SCARY JOKES

31: How I feel right now sleeby,,,,

32: Someone I love i love , my friendz ,, 🥺🥰

33: My current relationship status single ✌️

34: My relationship with my parents im close to my mom but i dont really get along with my dad ,

35: Favourite holiday Christmas !

36: Tattoos and piercing i have no tattoos, 3 piercings in each ear (2 on each earlobe and 1 on the top on each side)

37: Tattoos and piercing i want I want a interrobang on my wrist and an Aquarius symbol on my ankle and MAYBE the joestar birthmark, i wouldn’t mind more ear piercings and i want a septum piercing but ive seen videos of them getting done and they make me squirm i dont know if id go through with it

38: The reason I joined Tumblr sdklgkjgh i had a my little pony roleplay blog before i made my personal account

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? no we’re good friends !!

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? no not regularly at least

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? no

42: When did I last hold hands? my mom tried to hold my hand when i was half asleep on the couch the other day but like i was so out of it so like it was more our fingers together and the rest of my hand just loosely dangling so if that doesnt count, you

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? i give myself about 2 hours if im doing full makeup but thats purposefully longer than i need so i dont have to worry about rushing and i can relax and take my time

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? no i only shave them if they’re gonna be showing or if the Urge to be Smooth comes over me

45: Where am I right now? my room at home on my bed

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? probably Kaylie cause she doesn’t drink and i assume if im drunk with other friends there she’d be the only sober one

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? Reasonable, if i have it too loud i cant think so the only time i  have my music loud is if im doing nothing and want to Not Think

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? Ye

49: Am I excited for anything? short term im excited for the ai crushes all banks stream tonight and long term im excited to move into our apartment 

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? no im not a tell everything to someone type of person .

51: How often do I wear a fake smile? i smile most of the time like, at work (before we wore masks) id always be smiling to look nice and like. just in general if i want to Not Look Unhappy or whatever

52: When was the last time I hugged someone? my mom probably like, yesterday

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? ive never kissed any1     .

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?  nope i don’t think i really trust easily so like this doesnt rlly happen,

55: What is something I disliked about today? i woke up late cause i was up late last night so ive been tired all day I dont like the feeling

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? language barriers aside itd be super cool to meet hirohiko araki

57: What do I think about most? Whatever media im currently most into so right now adventure zone and magnus archives

58: What’s my strangest talent? umm i dunno im kinda flexable i guess ? not like ~contortionist~ level but like enough that i can freak people out sometimes

59: Do I have any strange phobias? i mentioned balloons as a fear in an eariler question so yeah that but im a lot better about it than i used to be

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? in front tbh

61: What was the last lie I told? i was on phones for the last hour and a half of my shift on friday and like. when people call and ask if an item is in stock and i can’t confirm it i, just tell them its not. like, someone asked if we had a specific kayak and i usually just search the walmart app or run over to where itd be to check but the kayaks are to far for me to run to and the app said limited stock which usually means little to none so , i just put it on hold for a bit then tell him we’re out.

62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online? i like video chatting in theory cause its nice to see people visibly react to stuff but i tend to get too self conscious about how i look so i  just do audio only

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? yes to both !! i am both

64: Do I believe in magic? yes in some ways i suppose

65: Do I believe in luck? yes im v superstitious

66: What’s the weather like right now? its a pretty good day its sunny but not too hot :oo

67: What was the last book I’ve read? its been ages since i last read a book in full 😔  i honestly dont knwo what the last one would of been 😔 😔

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? yes !!! love it

69: Do I have any nicknames? not anything i get consistently called no

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? ive never gotten super hurt that i can think of ??

71: Do I spend money or save it? save it

72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge? no

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me? doppio bean plush ,,,,

74: Favourite animal? hedgehogs!!!!

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? on my phone probably on tiktok or something waiting for jojo to come on toonami

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? I? dont think he has one i guess ??

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? butterflies by samsa but it makes me happy in the “im crying now” kinda way itss cute

78: How can you win my heart? just by being nice and respectful tbh ,

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? idk i dont really want anything fancy just my name (chosen name please god im so scared of dying and geting my birth name on my tombstone if that happens i WILL come back as a vengeful ghost) and my birth and death dates

80: What is my favorite word? saccharine

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr by my tumblr crushes (which its been YEARS since i looked at) ; frostios, 27names4tears, smollpurrito, happynaru, and warpedlamp

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? if we being real id just get so scared dsjkfsldjglg  theres so much i could say i dont know :((

83: Do I have any relatives in jail? not ? that i know of 

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? why are all the questions worded super basic except this one skdlskdjfj. Shape shifting

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? i can really think of anything really as long as a friend is asking i tend to answer truthfully ?

86: What is my current desktop picture? Sobble BUT this reminded me that i wanted to change it to a xenoblade pic so its this now :

90: Failed a class? no

91: Kissed a boy? no

92: Kissed a girl? no

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? no but oh god just thinking about that im 🥺🥺🥺🥺 id die id melt 🥺🥺

94: Had job? ye i was a cashier for a year in highschool and then i work in wamlart apparel in the summers

95: Left the house without my wallet? not when I know ill need it no, but ive left it home if im just going to a friend or family member’s house or i have my mom’s card or some cash in my pocket

96: Bullied someone on the internet? no !!

98: Played on a sports team? no lmao i dont do sports

99: Smoked weed? no

100: Did drugs? i had a weed brownie like once but it was such a small piece i didnt really feel anything

101: Smoked cigarettes? no

102: Drank alcohol? Ye

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? not currently i was vegan for a little bit to encourage a friend that was doing it though

104: Been overweight? no

105: Been underweight? no

106: Been to a wedding?  yes three, my grandma’s when she got remarried, and both my brothers

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? probably yes lmao often

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? not TV TV but if netflix and the like count then yes

109: Been outside my home country? no :(

110: Gotten my heart broken? not ? really no

111: Been to a professional sports game? ive been to a handful of Yankee games

112: Broken a bone? no

114: Been to prom? yes i went to my highschool’s and a friend’s highschool’s my senior year

115: Been in airplane? no

116: Fly by helicopter? no

117: What concerts have I been to? none :((((

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? ye

119: Learned another language? i took 3 years of Spanish in high school but i wasn’t any good at it and dont really remember much of what i did learn

120: Wore make up? yes i do often :0

123: Dyed my hair? ye a lot

124: Voted in a presidential election? yes ever since iv been old enough to i vote

125: Rode in an ambulance? no

126: Had a surgery?  dental surgery yes

127: Met someone famous? Not anyone i’d count no

128: Stalked someone on a social network? depends on what you count as stalking i guess but like not ever in a creepy way like ive been on people’s social media to find out stuff about them like. if theyre in a relationship or especially after highschool ill wonder about someone i havent talked to in awhile and ill see what theyve been up to and what theyre doing with their life and stuff

129: Peed outside? no

130: Been fishing? yes like once

131: Helped with charity? donation wise yes

132: Been rejected by a crush? ive never confessed to anyone and been rejected but once a friend told my crush i liked them and they confronted me about it and rejected me but it made me more mad at the friend that told them than it made me sad about being rejected because i knew it’d probably go like that  and it justmade thing awkward between us for awhile  😔

133: Broken a mirror? ive broken the little mirrors inside eyeshadow pallets but i havent broken full ones

134: What do I want for birthday? usually just money lol or something thoughtful and cute

135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names? i aggresivly do NOT want kids BUT hypohetically Elliot or Xander for a boy and idk what i’d nam a girl

136: Was I named after anyone? no

137: Do I like my handwriting?  its messy so no not really but if im writing something for myself like a not or whatever i dont mind as long as i can read it

138: What was my favourite toy as a child? even as a little kid i always played computer games but other than that, this guy :

139: Favourite Tv Show? Jojo

140: Where do I want to live when older? New york or japan

141: Play any musical instrument? i can kind of play harmonica

142: One of my scars, how did I get it? i burnt my thumb kinda bad on the oven a while ago its still kinda healing but right now it looks like its gonna stay a scar

143: Favourite pizza toping? i like everything/suprieme pizza but if i have to pick one single topping pepperoni

144: Am I afraid of the dark? yes :((

145: Am I afraid of heights? mentioned it earlier but yes if im not strapped in or secured etc

146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? no im so scared of being caught doing something bad that i just. dont

147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? i mean yes but thats life babey

149: What my greatest achievments are ive gotten awards for grades and stuff but that boring BUT i got the english department award or whatever that was called im very proud of that

151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery i donate some and save the rest tbh

152: What do I like about myself i can be pretty  sometimes 👉👈 im cute or whateva ,,,

153: My closest Tumblr friend i dont really havent “tumblr friends” aside from friends i know irl and also tey have tumblrs ,,

154: Something I fantasise about just. growing up and having my own place maybe with someone and. being comfortable and  okay and not having to worry ,,

155: Any question you’d like? dkfjhdskhf japan :000

[rewrentless]

Taz Balance Quotes

I have no idea how long ive been working on this, between 2 and 7 months but finally ive made a list of memorable quotes /quotes that made me chuckle

-Any you driads down to clown

-That was my grandfathers haunch

-Everyone needs a barry bluejeans!

-You shouldnt had your dog jump up my ass! I dont think my dog could fit in an ass! You havent seen this ass

-Eat me barry

-If you were making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and you dropped some jelly on the counter are you gonna take a knife and just start cutting at it you dumb son of a bitch??

-she thinks my tractors sexy and i think im no longer welcome here

-hello hello welcome to my caev

-abraca fuck you

-hey you calm the fuck down sir theres no yelling at fantasy Costco!

-its like a bag of holding but for ass

-merle i can see 3/4 to 4/5 of your entire butt

-the railsplitter passes through the tree like a baseball bat passing through a ghost

-youve solved my shrek puzzle

-a witch kissed me and cursed me so that anytime anybody yells a secret word i have to attend to their every need and that word is my fucking name jenkins

-infinite bean!!!

-i got a murder wall in my brain!

-time-pon! The time travelling tampon!

-lord steven q fletcher esquire the goldfish the third

-'yeah he really beat me in a test of wits and wagers' and winks at taako over and over just winking

- hey baby i love your tendrils

-i got here a few minutes ago and i can not take my eyes off you i looked at you across the square 60 feet away and i said do not be chopping on this baby

-you and the box both drink poison and you survive but the box has died. With that the box pops open

-does everyone get that i have an elevator fetish at this point?

-griffen we gotta fight some weeds at floor 20!

-my names not jerry its ... jerrieeeeee

-but listen guys now i gotta take a poop, you know like a poop like a real emergent poop

-'your name ... of course ... is... taako. Sike thats just mine say my name!' i cast magic missile

-so youre sayin we eat him

-youre all beautiful butterflake snowflies

-im actually a mongoose meow

-and inside the envelopes there is  200 gold pieces  ‘thanks for these shitty jangly envelopes’

-i hand her a coupon for one free backrub

-magnus this is the nightmare scenario

-hot diggity shit that is a baller cookie

-i made you guys chairs for your new digs and if you lift up the cushion it doubles as an indoor toilet

-davenport read the room!

-mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm davenport

-i start to very subtly and very easily cry

-last time i was in an elevator vines tried to eat my dick

-the late merle highchurch rolled a 5

-’youre a god!’ I definately am

-youre not stupid youre beautiful

-its kinda ridiculous how many pies we got our toes in

-your mother would swaddle you young taako baby taako and just sing to you oh shit sweet flip oh dip sweet flip my little nugget

-god liiiieed to me

-magnus can kiss my kenny chesney tattoo

-you found her?!

-hey thug whats your name im about to tentacle your dick?

-if travis cant move his legs then i shall create his legs!

-im just an elevator climb on in ma belly!

-press ma buttons from inside a me

-if you wanted to lure me in there you shoulda stayed handsome ma fella

-'i tap it with the gluttons fork and i swallow it' 'what the f uck'

-ive got to switch between different accents to trick my prey

-when that day comes little man oh when that day comes i will summon whatever powers i still have at my disposal that you have not sipphoned away from me and i will take all of my canny and all of my cunning and all arcanas still within my reach and i will use it to strike you down little man

-dungeons and dragons and daddies

-fantasy shorts fantasy shorts fantasy shorts fantasy shorts!

-i cast zone of truth!

-junebug

-this chair smells like grandmas

-this scene is memorable to you now but in the moment you werent thinking im going to remember everything about this moment

-inifate bag of boys

-if it had flesh then it would be a bag of skin full of fucking goo

-"how do you not have a six it comes with every board game?" "My daughter..." "eats them for power??"

-because in wonderland... there is no healing (shit eating grin)

-liches get stitches

-son of a lich

-you built the fucking door out of wood shit wood

-bad luck

-ill be having my body back you undead fuck

-sturdy. denim. and blue

-i have updated my list of people i trust and things i believe to no one and nothing

-those are the arms that have held my wife

-i cant fight i cant protect i cant do anything in this body

- i saw seven birds

-the twins, the lover, the protecter, the lonely journal keeper, the peacemaker and the wordless one

-i dont know but i feel like i trust you

-dont let them erase me magnus

-how could you forget lup

-nerd alert!

-greg grimaldis you owe me $15 and i aim to collect

-i have to believe that im gonna get those $15 back from greg fucking grimaldis

-the one thing we do have is the thing that people in love rarely ever have enough of and its time

-I dont know about in love its only been... 21 years

-are you my friend?

-what brings me joy is... life. I think you can find joy anywhere in life i thibk its a concious choice i think you choose joy in life and no matter how bad things are no matter how crummy no matter how dark no matter how many times some guy named john kills your ass you find joy. I’ve found joy, honest to God, getting to know you. I’ve found joy playing chess with you. I have enjoyed - i haven’ t enjoyed you know, getting my ass killed, but i find joy in whatever I do. I don’t always do things right, and I don’t always do things smart, and I don’t always do a character voice, but whatever i do, i find joy in it. Because at the end of the day, that’s all you got. It’s looking back on the joy you had, and the joy you found, and the joy you gave other people 

-soon you will call us ascendent

-kiss my ass you sanctimonious bastard

-huh. I feel sad

-its not perfect but its the best i can do

-our capacity for love increases with each person we cross paths with throughout our lives and with each moment we spend with those people but too often we neglect that part of ourselves in favour of others and by the time we realize just how importnat it is we find ourselves with fewer folks around to practice with but the seven of you have something that nobody else ever had time all the time in the world time enough to grow indescribely close time enough to learn how to care for each other how to allow yourselves to be caref for and in the case of barry and lup time enough to fall deeply and truely in love

-there was romance in every measure and longing in every note

-have we not earned a little wrath?

-i made it

-you are my heart you know that right?

-sometimes there arent right decisions sometimes theres just decisions

-when someone leaves your life those exits are not made equal. Some are beautiful and poetic and satisfying others are abrupt and unfair but most are just unremarkable, unintentional clumsy

-back soon

-who?

-taako kill me

-you fucking took everything from me

-understand this, i have nothing and i don’t give a shit. The world is ending and i don’t care

-phantasmal and resplendent

-youre dating the grim reaper?!

-ill take one taco with extra destiny

-i tell the trees when to shed their leaves and i make every piece of fruit taste the way that it tastes and i taught every blade of grass in the ground where to grow did you really think i had forgotten about you?

-im not your pan but you will always be my merle

-i run over and im already kissing him this is ridiculous

-I want to warm up my face i dont want it to be cold and weird

-whats up ghostrider

-i met god no big deal

-lets save the world and 420 blaze it

-hear that babe? We’re legends

-youre going to have to fight and… youre gonna win!

-you hear it now too dont you? The song is now yours, just as the story has always been yours and with this final piece your understanding of these impossible events is complete. Like i said before, youre ready now, darkness surrounds you but be not afraid, after all youre going to win, we know that much but that is the limit of my knowledge. Youre all caught up now, whatever happens next, well, we’ll just have to find out together

-you boys know the best of the fantasy costo? Free samples

-we won

-youre going to be amazing

-it takes time as all difficult and important things do, for the world to recover from what was done to it that day. But it does recover, and not just that, it thrives. 

-im about to smooch your fucking brains out babe 

-one small criticism, i think you may have forgotten to make it taste good

-‘youre kinda full of dog shit sometimes’ thats what it was i forgot i did include dog shit

-i should mention my boyfriend is death

-if you will all excuse me i have… to shit

-i tried to make you proud

-we see you one last time as magnus rushes in

-even happier days were to come, because that was the world that you made, that was the ending you earned

[ghafahey]

seeing you under the stars light. — pairing: isabelle lightwood/maia roberts — rating: general audiences; no archive warnings apply — additional tags: first meetings, first impressions, canon compliant — background mentions of simon/maia

The four times Isabelle and Maia meet which are less than ideal and the one time they get to talk and find they have more in common than they both first thought.

i.

Later, Isabelle hardly remembers the first, that moment in the dark streets with the night air somewhere between a welcome cool and chilling to the bones. She hardly remembers because her heart kept pounding, a twisting feeling in her gut that dared to rise through her throat and choke her. There is one brother, beaten and bruised and bloody and threatened by death and then there is the other, unconscious and with time slipping through his fingers, somewhere in Magnus’s loft. So, she doesn’t pay much attention to the werewolves, to Luke Garroway’s glowing eyes and the girl opposite of Jace bowing her head in submission.

ii.

“She’s cute.” It’s the first time she really sees her, lets her eyes linger for a moment longer to take in the girl Simon is going on a date with. She admires the way the warm light illuminates her profile, catching on black curls and wonders quietly when Simon had stopped chasing Clary and found someone else. Her mind flashes to that fateful night, where she almost lost two brothers and to the girl who had followed Jace all through Brooklyn. It’s a blurry image, although only two weeks or so have passed but so much has happened since then, it feels like a lifetime away (the image of Alec, unconscious and barely breathing, however, is still vibrant in her mind, painted in reds and yellows and haunting her some nights).

“She’s cute.” She truly means it even as she tears her eyes away, a smile tugged into the corners of her lips but things happen and maybe she doesn’t think about Maia Roberts all that much after this. (Or maybe she does one day, in the middle of brushing her teeth and looking into the mirror, a flash of that girl at the bar before her eyes and her own words echoing with that soft hint of admiration she can’t quite put her finger on.)

iii.

Weeks pass, things happen and Isabelle wonders if life will ever slow down for just a moment, give her time to breathe and live. When she looks up, jacket half tugged up her arms, there she is again. It seems a little like they run into each other by accident, unexpected but she has to admit it’s not unpleasant.

“I don’t think we’ve actually met. I’m Isabelle Lightwood.” It’s the first thing she truly says to her, smiling gently and because it’s the right and polite thing to do. Maia barely spares her a second glance before her eyes land upon Simon. “Are you taking her on a boat ride?” And Izzy would be insulted for not even getting so much as a hey but the quiver in the other girl’s voice is what truly confuses her.

Simon starts rambling and Maia doesn’t even look at her again and Izzy really, really doesn’t understand what this whole situation is. Simon and Clary only just broke up and Maia seems to have a wall around her, so high and effective enough to keep people out.

“I will see you later.” But it’s only directed to Simon and then Maia steps away and Izzy can’t help but turn, eyes following the other girl (and she most definitely doesn’t stare at those long legs striding towards the kitchen doors).

iv.

She’s not quite sure why she does it. It really is none of her business and she shouldn’t get involved but Simon is her friend and he’s always helped her when she needed it. So maybe it is her way of saying thank you for doing this, a way of doing something for him after his whole life got turned around because he was thrust into a world of shadows and magic he didn’t understand. Or maybe she just wants to know what that sad flicker in Maia’s eyes meant, what anyone could have done to a girl so fierce and beautiful that had made her pull away so quickly. So, it’s not about Isabelle herself, not at all, but when she looks at Maia now, all defensive and seemingly uninterested, gaze resting upon the book in front of her, something shifts. She asks because there is a gentle tug in her chest that makes her want to know, makes her want to talk.

“Who was he?” She knows she’s overstepping, knows it’s not her place to ask or give advice but her tongue is much quicker than her thoughts, the question slipping past her lips too easily. The answer isn’t what she was expecting at all. Jace? Her very own brother? It’s surprise that roars up her throat, a soft chuckle of disbelief because Maia seems to have no interest in any Shadowhunter.

Fun, nothing more. It should be enough, clearly a sign the other girl doesn’t want to talk about this – especially not to her, a stranger and above all a Shadowhunter. This should be her cue to leave, to nod and maybe give a last word of reassurance that Simon is not like whoever has left Maia’s heart in pieces once. The thing is Isabelle is too used to giving advice to her brothers, although they rarely want to hear it, giving it to anyone because she wants them to be happy. Simon deserves another shot at happiness after this mess and even though Maia and her are barely more than strangers, she wants that for her too.

(She wants it for herself but that is a thought for lonely nights curled up in the silence of her room.)

“Losing control sucks, I know that better than anyone, but it’s a hell of a lot better than never taking a chance at all.” And maybe it’s the sincerity in her voice, how her own truths blend into her words instead of praises for Simon or cliché advice anyone could have offered but Maia actually looks a little taken aback, stays silent and just stares at her, blinking.

“Nice to meet you, Maia.”

v.

Laughter echoes through the bar, the orange glow of lights accentuating the carefree atmosphere. It feels oddly like home, a warm fuzzy feeling bubbling inside her veins that has little to do with the two glasses of champagne Izzy has drowned ever since she got here. No, it’s the slow realization that settles in, hours after she had seen Valentine’s dead body and Jace alive and well; the realization that it’s finally over, that the war will end now. Maybe it’s a little foolish of her to think everything will work out now but somehow, she does.

As her gaze drifts over everyone in the Hunter’s Moon, Shadowhunters and Werewolves and Warlocks and even a few Seelies, she couldn’t keep the smile from spreading upon her lips even if she wanted to. There’s Luke laughing with a few others who she assumes are members of the pack, beer bottles in hand and clapping each other on the back. There’s Jace and Clary close to each other at the bar, wrapped up in conversation and hands intertwined upon the counter. She can’t seem to find Alec, usually easy to spot the mop of dark hair above any crowd but her brows only furrow for the smallest of moments before realizing Magnus is nowhere in sight as well and she’s sure this is a good sign at last.

It is a good night, the first one in so long, Izzy muses as she pushes through the crowd to get to the bar and ask for another refill of her glass. She can feel the beginnings of sleep pushing in at the edges of her consciousness, a slow tug of tiredness and exhaustion from days so draining, both physically and emotionally. But it’s worth staying awake for another hour or two, enjoying the atmosphere sparked with a cheerfulness that could only come from one four letter word: hope. By tomorrow the next crisis will surely have arrived; there is still the mysterious disappearance of a mass of demons to worry about and as much as tonight looks like a new beginning, Izzy is sure that recent events won’t be so easily forgotten.

Lost in thought, fingertips gliding over the slightly sticky top of the bar, it takes Isabelle a few moments to register the person pushing up to the counter on her left, a flash of red tugging her attention away from the brown wood. She kindly ignores that the first thing her brain provides as she turns her head is that Maia’s and her own outfit match in color.

They both open their mouths at the same time, about to say something, then close them once more and a laugh bubbles up in Izzy’s throat just as the bartender places her refilled glass in front of her. They take Maia’s glass without a word but the two exchange a small smile and Isabelle is reminded that the werewolf usually works behind the bar, her mind flashing to the night she really took notice of her for the first time. She’s cute, her own voice a distant echo now but no less true. In fact, Maia isn’t just cute. Cute was an understatement, she decides then and there, as warm light dances upon the edges of dark curls and the content smile everyone seems to be wearing today softens her features. She quickly takes a sip of her champagne to silence those thoughts.

“I wanted to say that I… appreciated your advice.” Maia’s voice cuts through the background noise of laughter and clinking glasses and the upbeat music coming from the speakers. Izzy is sure she must look comical as her eyebrows rise high on her forehead. This really is the last thing she expected. She’s caught a glimpse of Maia and Simon earlier, all smiles and touches and seemingly happy and she is glad it worked out in the end. But she never expected the other girl to mention their last encounter ever again.

“I mean, it wasn’t your place to ask and I won’t say thank you. I know all you Shadowhunters have a hobby of getting involved in everyone’s business but you should really work on that.” It’s said with a smile though, a glint in warm brown eyes that tell her Maia is only teasing. Which she is sure is mainly due to the lighthearted atmosphere around them but oh, she’ll take it. “But in the end, it did make me think and it looks like things worked out… for all of us.”

Maia nods towards the rest of the bar, her black curls bouncing up and down for a moment before the dim orange lights set on them once more. It takes Izzy just a second too long to tear her eyes away and return the small smile the other woman sends her way. “Yeah, looks like it.”

Maia eyes her for a moment, something curious in her gaze as it flickers over Isabelle’s face but the moment is broken when the bartender places a refilled beer glass on the counter and utters a gentle “There you go” before disappearing down the bar once more. The silence that follows now is a little awkward, with nothing left to say between them. It’s not like Izzy to be at a loss for words, usually easy to talk to and make conversation. With Maia, she feels like she is on thin ice, on some invisible edge she doesn’t know how to navigate. Especially after that less than great first impression. Even with their shared laughter now and some sort of mutual understanding, something about the other woman and their silence has heat creeping up her neck as she worries her bottom lip.

She’s about to bid her goodnight and find Clary and Jace again, maybe down her glass and make her way back to the Institute when Maia raises her own glass in question, one eyebrow raised. With a soft chuckle their glasses clink together, the drinks inside swaying and that awkwardness vanishes, somehow drowned out by the laughter and warmth of the Hunter’s Moon.

“So how was that book on phytoplankton?” Isabelle quickly hides her grin behind the rim of her glass, fighting a chuckle when she sees Maia’s eyebrows shoot up now. In confusion or surprise, she isn’t quite sure.

It takes her another moment to answer, her eyes dancing once more over Izzy’s face as if trying to find a joke or trick in this. When she seems to come up empty she shakes her head on a grin of her own, placing her drink back on the counter. “It was… pretty boring, actually.” Her fingers draw patterns into the drops of water gathered on the outside of her glass. “But I guess not everything you have to study is supposed to be fun.”

“So, you’re studying marine biology?”

“Yeah…” A proud smirk takes over Maia’s features and Isabelle really can’t blame her. She still remembers the day when she had decided to become a forensic pathologist, eyes full of light and heart filled with a yearning for knowledge. When she had graduated in record time with perfect grades, it had made Maryse smile at her for the first time in so long; that alone had been worth it.

“Simon told me you’re a scientist too. Although he wasn’t quite sure what kind and his description included about five adjectives, body parts and more demons?”

They share a laugh that feels somewhat private even within a room full of people; even between two women barely more than strangers. It’s surprisingly easy to laugh with Maia.

“Sounds about right.”

“What’s that like? Cutting open some piece of hell?”

It’s also easy to launch into a story about some demon corpse and add in some gross details that make Maia cringe and somewhere in between they finish their drinks and order new ones.

[the-prophet-lemonade]

I was tagged by @lionheartedghost!

List 5 TV shows and answer the following questions, then tag 10 people to do the same.

i. Shadowhunters ii. Game of Thrones iii. Fullmetal Alchemist iv. The 100 v. Law and Order SVU

Who is your favourite character in 2? 

Jamie Lannister, colossal dumbass. I’m obsessed with his redemption arc (or the arc as it should’ve been, and yes, I still have faith in GRRM to correct the wrongs of 8x04 and 8x05). For me, he is the embodiment of a classic Greek tragedy and there’s something incredibly compelling about that - the tragedy, the familial trauma, the knightly values, the battle between right and wrong, between love and duty ... all the good stuff. 

My other favourite character is Sansa Stark because she is beautiful and intelligent and powerful and kind and a Survivor. 

Who is your favourite character in 1? 

Alec Lightwood. I love characters whose personal journeys involve chasing their own happiness and coming into their own as a leader, especially when they show their detractors wrong. Seeing Alec grow in confidence is special to me. And I love a powerful coming-out story. 

What is your favourite episode of 4? 

This implies that I can differentiate between any episodes of this God forsaken show. I did enjoy the season finale of season 2, with Bellamy and Clarke forced to make the impossible choice to save their people, together, but at the expense of so many others. I also really liked the episode in season 5 where they reunited after the 6 years apart ... my heart is weak.  

What is your favourite season of 5? 

Season 17. The eye contact. The shrewd and crooked smiles. The holy grail of Barisi episodes. The overflowing potential for more that was then cruelly dashed upon the rocks in seasons 18 and 19.

Who is your favourite couple in 3?  

Royai is the og pairing for me. Doesn’t get better than “I will follow you, even into Hell”. Doesn’t get better than “Can I trust my back to that?”. Doesn’t get better than “Don’t go where I can’t follow”. The trust they share is Profound.™

Who is your favourite couple in 2? 

Romantically, I’m a sucker for Braime, but we all know this. I love two people who bring out the best in each other, especially when that best is seen and understood by so few others. Jamie’s redemption arc is superb, and it’s because of Brienne that he is able to see his own self-worth and finally reacquaint himself with that vision of knighthood he sacrificed at age 17 in order to save King’s Landing. The respect they have for each other is paramount to why I enjoy them together. 

Theonsa is my other favourite ship because I love a pairing built on shared tragedy, and who manage to overcome trauma together - that’s very beautiful and powerful to me, and Sophie and Alfie have brilliant yet subtle chemistry, all spoken in the eyes. I also enjoy the Jon/Sansa dynamic a lot, but then Jon’s characterisation was shot in the head in season 8.

What is your favourite episode of 1? 

2x06 - Malec’s first date. The tentative flirting and the nervous energy and the Superior Kiss. 2x18 - the breakup episode because the flashbacks are gorgeous and the angst is THE GOOD STUFF. 2x10 is also a favourite because it’s very well acted and has more gravitas and consequence than a lot of episodes on this show. Honorary mentions to the end of 3x20 (spectacular), the Edom sequence in 3x21 (the hug! the surprise Jace/Meliorn! Izzy saving the day!), and the wedding scene in 1x12 (iconic).

What is your favourite episode of 5? 

Heartfelt Passages (17x23) is probably my fave because (a) I love some pain and Dodds’ death on his very last day on the job hurts like a mf and (b) it has that 2 second scene of Barba and Carisi at the bar after the funeral, toasting their drinks, and the look in Barba’s eyes is ... something else, okay? It’s so soft and curious and you can feel how safe he feels with Carisi and ... it should’ve been a stepping stone for something more in season 18. 

Some other episodes I like are Manhattan Transfer/Unholiest Alliance (good Carisi character development), 911 (first time I watched it, I was on the edge of my seat), and literally any episode that is Benson-focused, like the William Lewis arc (Liv seems to get kidnapped or caught in hostage situations so often but they’re always SO GOOD).

What is your favourite season of 2? 

Season 6 was some good stuff (especially coming out of the shithole of season 5). It had a lot of fan service (the R+L=J reveal, Bran’s time travelling, Hodor, Jamie and Brienne reuniting, Sansa finally escaping and finding Jon, Cersei pulling out all the stops to get rid of the Tyrells at fucking last, Yara flirting with Dany, and the entire BOTB sequence), but the writing still made sense and I still had hope for some clever twists hahahahaha

How long have you watched 1? 

I binge watched season 1 in May 2016 when I was living abroad and feeling a little lonely. The show really came into my life at the perfect time.

How did you become interested in 3? 

I watched the ‘03 series way back when (around 2007, I think?) and then got heavily invested in the manga, followed by Brotherhood. Honestly, it is without a doubt the best and most pitch-perfect story that has ever been told. I was immediately absorbed in Team Mustang and their dynamic, and who doesn’t love some political subterfuge with a large splash of religious symbolism that ends with a fist fight against God?

Who is your favourite actor in 4? 

Bob Morley. He’s so endearing in real life and he is such a good role model in terms of mental health activism and surviving depression/anxiety.

Which do you prefer, 1, 2, or 5? 

Ask me three years ago, and it would’ve been GOT. Sadly, season 8 happened.

Which show have you seen more episodes of, 1 or 3? 

Purely because there are more FMA episodes in existence ... 

If you could be anyone from 4, who would you be? 

I feel like I connect most with Clarke, but if I could be anyone, I’d be Raven because she’s hot and smart and is played by Lindsey Morgan and what more is there tbh

But also, all the characters have fucking terrible lives, so I don’t really want to be any of them.

Would a crossover between 3 and 4 work? 

I can’t really imagine it, but that’s because I always find it hard to make AUs and crossovers with FMA because the story is absolutely perfect the way it is and any way you change it detracts from its perfection. If you put other characters into the FMA universe, it loses some of its meaning, yknow? Same with taking the FMA characters out of their universe, because who they are is so inherently tied to their in-universe experiences and their development with the story.

Pair two characters in 1 who would make an unlikely but strangely okay couple? 

Unlikely but strangely okay ... I mean, I’m a sucker for Jimon, but that’s not all that unusual. I like Izzy with literally any of the girls (Clary and Aline, especially). But I feel like Magnus and Izzy would fit “unlikely but strangely okay” - I can imagine them flirting if Malec was never a thing, and they would look hot together, let’s be honest. A power dressing couple. Very intimidating. I’m into it.

Overall, which show has the better story line, 3 or 5?#

Clearly FMA because (a) it’s FMA and its narrative themes and characterisation are Absolute Perfection, and (b) FMA actually *has* a story line. SVU does not have a story line. SVU barely has coherent writing. 

Which has better theme music, 2 or 4? 

The GOT soundtrack is iconic, so there’s no question here. The use of leitmotifs for individual characters, and hearing how those are combined and overlapped and developed with the story? Spectacular. 

Tags: if you see this and want to do it, please go ahead (and you can tag me too, if you like)! 

[ioncewroteadream]

Beat of My Heart, Rhythm of My Soul

In which Isak is a rapper, Even directs, and two boys fall in love. 

Isak doesn’t know how it’s gotten to this. How he’s gone from just a boy in high school, messing around with his friends and freestyling here and there to this. A nineteen-year-old something in a meeting with a bunch of men in suits, discussing things like albums and PR and security detail. He looks over to Jonas and can’t help but give him an incredulous look of how the fuck and what the fuck. It’s completely surreal. Of course he knows how it happened. It was a lot of fun and work and fighting. Maybe he’s just wondering why it’s happening. Why them? Whatever the reason, he’s so grateful.

“So for the music videos, I was thinking we bring on Even to direct. He’s not a professional or anything, but the stuff he puts out is incredible and I really think his work really fits in with our aesthetic. I sent Christian some links the other day.” Magnus looks directly at their manager with a bright smile, who in turn glances around at the other men uncomfortably.

“Well, he’s certainly good. But we’re not too sure about working with someone so green. He has no representation or credibility in the industry. Really, I think you’d be better off with one of our guys. I can send you all some examples of things they’ve done - “

“If Magnus says he’s good then we’re going to use him.” Mahdi cuts in. Trust Mahdi to stop the bullshit. The boys have been relying on Magnus with their visuals from the beginning of this whole thing. Surprisingly, he’s incredibly skilled when it comes to cinematography. Isak nods along, because he trusts his boys. The older man gives a resigned sigh.

“Alright, if you insist. I’ll see what I can do, but in the meantime, take a look at our guys. I think that’s it for today. If all is good, I’ll be seeing you boys in a week or so just before the shoot. I might check in on the next recording too, but Finn should have that covered regardless.” Isak isn’t sure if he likes how Magnus was brushed off a little, but just shakes hands with them and lets himself be ushered out.

“So, uh, gutta, I’ve never actually seen this Even guy’s stuff before.” Magnus scoffs loudly next to his ear.

“Do you ever check the group chat? I’ve been talking about him for weeks.”

“Nah, he’s been holed up in the studio with Finn. Writing. You know, like actually doing his job. Instead of jacking off to some random YouTube director.” Jonas is an angel and Isak thanks whatever higher power that brought them together, daily. “Besides, this is exactly what I was talking about when they first wanted to sign us. First they take away our creative control, and then we’re singing fucking pop songs about love and brainwashing the youth. We’re being played right into their corporate game.”

“Oh fuck off, you weren’t complaining when their corporate money saved our asses from getting evicted.” They push each other, and it’s not malicious at all. Jonas goes on these tirades at least twice a week and Magnus always argues back. Mahdi hangs back and smirks at Isak and gets a small close lipped grin. Isak shakes his head still smiling, watching the other two play-fight ahead of them.

“You really should check his videos out, though. Mags is right. The guy is good at his shit. And, I know you’re busy or whatever. They’re putting a lot of pressure on you. But, uh, hang out with us sometimes, kay? We forget what your ugly ass looks like” Isak smacks the back of Mahdi’s head and lets out a laugh at the boy’s face.

“I’ll have you know that my ugly ass can still get more girls than you and I’m not even into that shit.” He makes a mental note to actually chill with the boys more often.

---

Magnus: www.youtube.com/user/evenbn Bc u aren’t a good frnd and im a gr8 1 Mahdi: holy shit why can’t you type like a normal person? Jonas: haha You suck a ttping *at typing Magnus: dnt bully me and u cant type either Isak: Thx for the link. With Finn rn but I’ll check it out later. Magnus: does Isak have a thing w Finn????? Hes always w him. Jonas: Finn is married. To a woman. And he’s 40. Mahdi: so close to kicking you out of the group

---

Writing is exhausting. Physically and mentally. Every song Isak has ever written is an extension of himself. The words he can’t say and doesn’t know how to say all out there on paper, waiting for a melody to carry it out to people who pretend to understand what he feels. His inability to vocalize his thoughts seem to disappear when he’s rapping, though. He’s an entirely different person when he’s rapping. He’s confident and strong and willing to express himself in ways that the real Isak has no clue how to.

It was his rap persona that gave him the confidence to come out to his friends. He wrote the song and recorded it by himself on his shitty laptop. Played it for them three months after it was finished. It took a long time for him to release the track. To be comfortable with himself, despite how easily everyone else seemed to accept it. But then he did it, and it propelled them further than they ever thought they could go. Suddenly everyone knew them and their songs were everywhere. The radio, in stores. Random people would stop them for selfies. And then there was the record deal. An actual company wanted them. These four boys who made music on the weekends, fucking around in their basements.

Isak lay back on his bed, staring up the ceiling, willing the loneliness that he sometimes feels to just go away. He’s becoming more and more successful, and relationships are becoming more and more fake. Sighing, he opens his phone, and deletes the numbers of people just trying to get another zero on their follower count. No need for people like that in his life. Then he finally opens the link Magnus sends him. There are about twenty videos, all of them titled strange hipster things. He can’t decide which one to watch so he taps on the first one.

---

Isak: nobody told me he was a fucking genius. Magnus: THAT’S EHAT IVE BEEN SAYING BOI LIKE I CREI EVERTIM Jonas: Ikr dude’s like a prodigy or something. I was talking to him back at Karl’s party. Graduated from Bakka, doing media studies at UiO. Top of his class and everything. Isak: wait are you guys friends? How come I haven’t met him? Mahdi: you would if you came out to parties with us Isak: your tone seems very pointed right now. Mahdi: :P Jonas: well you’re going to have to meet him when we do the shoot. He’s going to Stockholm for an award thing Magnus: try not to get too gay for him. He’s rlly hot and I heard he had a gf so Jonas: MAGNUS WTF Mahdi: MAGS U CANT SAY THAT no fucking tact with this guy Isak: that’s ok I’ll try to keep my gay on the dl if Mags does too. Sounds like the poor boy has a crush <3 Jonas: fucking savage dude Magnus: NOT GAY Not that it’s a bad thing. But im not. Mahdi: whatever you say man

Isak is too tired for this shit and would like to sleep thank you very much. So he definitely does not stay up watching every video on Even’s channel until he falls asleep.

---

even_bn: Hey Isak from Opprør, right? isakyaki: hi. yeah I’m Isak even_bn: Awesome. I’m a big fan :) isakyaki: same I mean, I saw ur stuff. Really good. even_bn: Really good? Be still my beating heart. What a compliment ;) isakyaki: I really really like it. Happy? even_bn: Very

---

The first day of the shoot finds Isak nervously pacing in an empty room he found. He’s not nervous, it’s just that he spent the entire week watching and re-watching everything Even posted. Instagram posts, tweets, interviews. Everything. They talked a lot too. Random posts sent over dms. Every time he got a notification, his heart would jump, every message eliciting the tiniest of fond smiles. And Magnus was right. Even is hot. And beautiful. He’s open and happy and Isak just really wants to know what his lips feel like.

So, no, he’s not nervous. He’s just…fuck it, he’s nervous.

“Isak, Christian’s got the director in the 7th floor meeting room, they want you there.” Isak nods and follows the woman out to the elevators. He’s got this. He can do this without royally fucking up. It’s just a guy. He can do this. Except he can’t and he’s ready to turn back when the rest of the boys round the corner, greeting him with shouts of his name. The door next to him opens and Christian pats his shoulder.

“Come in. We were just talking about some backup locations.” Isak looks into the room, and his breath stops for a second. Even is really tall. Like taller than Isak tall. And Isak is not short. At all. The second thing he notices is just how bright that smile is. It’s almost blinding, and Isak wonders if he just hands out smiles like that as if it were nothing.

“Halla boys. Good seeing you again. And it’s really good to finally meet you in person, Isak.” All at once he’s staring into the sun and Isak loses his words. Thankfully Even doesn’t seem to notice and shakes his hand, smiling down at him. Even looks up at the rest of the guys, not letting go of Isak’s hand, ignoring Isak’s beet red face.

“Thanks for bringing me on. It’s going to be fucking awesome.” With that he lets go and Isak can breathe again. The room gets a little dimmer when Even walks away, but Isak has space to think and what he doesn’t think about is the looks the boys are sending his way.

“So, I think we’re going with the darker approach for this particular song. I’ve got an image of what I want, but, it’s your song, so feel free to ask to change things or tell me if you’re uncomfortable. I want to make this something we’re all proud of.” They all head to wardrobe, animatedly talking about the shoot ahead.

---

“That’s a wrap on everyone, but Isak. Great work guys.” Even beckons him closer and Isak most certainly does not eagerly run up to him. It’s more of a smooth, quick saunter. Yep.

“Hei.” Even nods, trapping his tongue between his teeth for a moment. Isak is transfixed.

“We’ve just got a few close ups left and you should be good to go.” The way Even looks into Isak’s eyes burns him a little and Isak can’t hold the man’s gaze for very long. “But, uh, you seemed kind of out of it. Is everything ok? Or did you want to change things?”

“No, no. It’s just some stuff. I actually love what you’re doing with the video. You already know I like your movies.” Even’s impossibly close and the way he angles his head down makes Isak want things.

“I’m glad.”

“Even, there’s a bit of a technical issue. We’re going to need a couple hours to get back on track.” They both jump apart, forgetting that there were, in fact, other people around them.

“Shit. Ok. Everyone who doesn’t need to be here can go get lunch or just chill until we can get started again.” His hand finds Isak’s elbow. “Wanna grab lunch with me, then?” Even is a confident man. He doesn’t even wait for Isak’s answer, just walk away and expects Isak to follow. And, yeah. He does.

---

“So the song, Frelser. It’s really intense.” They’re sitting in a small café, and Isak is about to take a bite of the most perfect sandwich he’s ever seen. Deciding that not grossing Even out is probably better than talking through a mouth full of food, he puts it back down and opts for a quick sip of his tea instead.

“Yeah. It’s about my mom and like dealing with the shit life does to you. Saving yourself because no one else will. Pretty personal.” Even, apparently is not as considerate as Isak and continues to talk with bits of chewed bread falling back onto his plate. Isak shouldn’t think it makes him even more attractive, because it’s actually really gross. And on anyone else, he’d be repulsed. But everything about Even is kind of endearing. Isak has had enough gay experience to know when someone’s interested, and he’s almost certain that Even is interested. So he excuses it, because here’s a gorgeous boy who doesn’t seem to care that he’s sort of famous, and he’s interested.

“That’s tough. Like, that one line about angels being demons with better stories? Had me all kinds of fucked up.” Isak chuckles darkly. Because it was tough. He briefly remembers plates smashing against the wall behind his head. Bible verses shouted at the top of her lungs. He remembers his head being forced down into a full bathtub and his father coming home almost too late. It was fucking tough.

“It was tough. My mom. She, uh, she’s schizophrenic. Didn’t want to get help. And my dad left, so I had to deal. Fucking sucked, being 16 and having to be the parent all the time. But she’s my mom. I love her even if she’s insane.” Isak’s eyes widen in horror, because he certainly wasn’t planning on telling Even about his tragic past. He just has to scare off the one guy who actually seemed to like Isak for who he is. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to put that on you.”

Even’s hand covers Isak, but he doesn’t look up from his plate. “I’m the one who asked. You have nothing to apologize for.” Isak kind of just wants to kiss him because who the hell responds like that? “Insane,” Even mumbles more to himself than Isak. Suddenly, both of their phones go off.

“That’s us then.” Isak has to try really hard not to reach out to hold his hand on the way back.

---

even_bn: Romeo + Juliet isakyaki: what? even_bn: my favorite movie. I forgot to tell you. You know, when I teaching you what good movies are. isakyaki: oh my god. I can’t talk to you anymore. Romeo and Juliet. Fucking chick flick even_bn: I think you mean cinematic masterpiece. Don’t be so mean. Baz wouldn’t treat me like this. isakyaki: Baz? even_bn: Baz? Baz Lurhmann? Greatest director of our time? I don’t think we can do this anymore if you don’t even know this much. isakyaki: yeah well you can go talk to Baz if I’m so bad at it Pretentious fucker;) even_bn: ;)

---

Magnus: so I heard smth from an intern. Isak? Its about u Mahdi: if you’re going to gossip, you better provide. Jonas: yeah, don’t tease us. Magnus: Our lovely little Isak was wth EBN at a café. There are pics. All over twitter. I didnt no he was gay too. Thot he had a gf? Jonas: ppl can like girls AND boys dickwad Mahdi: honestly idk why we even put up with you Magnus: lol u luv me Isak: gf? Jonas: pretty sure he’s single. Don’t worry, man. You like him though? Isak: it was just lunch. Something happened with the cameras so we had free time. Mahdi: still didn’t answer the question Magnus: dude get it Isak: … Magnus: <3 Isak: you’re so gay

---

Isak isn’t avoiding him. Really. He isn’t. He’s just extremely busy. He’s trying new things on the studio and it’s really eating up his social life. So when his phone starts blowing up with notifications from Even, he’s feels a little guilty. He can’t just send him a funny post and go back to how things were, because now he’s certain that he’s feeling things and he doesn’t know if he can trust himself not to fuck up.

His phone buzzes again on his chest and he’s tempted to ignore it, except he’s actually expecting a call.

“It’s Isak.”

“Halla to you too.” There’s a laugh in the deep voice that Isak was not expecting to hear.

“Even?”

“You remember me? Today must be my lucky day.”

“I don’t think I gave you my number.”

“Oh. Yeah. I hope you don’t mind, I asked Jonas for it. I can, like, delete it if me having it makes you uncomfortable. We can go back to dms on Instagram, if you want.” Isak’s pretty sure he’s falling for him. How is he even real?

“Nei!” Definitely does not shout into the phone. Nope. “I mean. I just didn’t know you wanted to talk to me.”

“Oi, don’t give me that. You basically ghosted me. I’m very sad, Isak.” God, his name never sounded better.

“I was busy in the studio. Besides, shouldn’t you be, like, editing or something? You go to school.”

“I’m pretty sure ignoring me after a date is the definition of ghosting. And, ugh, don’t even talk to me about school. I’m so done. Just hire me as your fulltime music video director. Let me mooch off of you.” He can’t help the giggles that bubble out of him.

“What happened to the film prodigy the guys told me about? You sound like a lost cause. But, I’m nothing if not kind, so I guess we can bring you on for now.” And then it hits him. “Wait, date? It was a date?”

“Well yeah. What did you think it was?” There’s a tingling sensation in his fingertips and his stomach rolls pleasantly. A date.

“I don’t know. A friendly lunch?”

“Isak, herregod, the entire internet could see it was a date. Did you really think I want friendly lunches? Was I not clear enough? You’re so cute. What the fuck.” Isak isn’t sure how to respond. Even’s breathing heavy from the other side and holy shit they’re having this conversation.

“Um,” he coughs. And sniffs. He can’t help that his throat’s gone dry. “I think you are too. Cute, I mean.”

“So, you wanna go out again? On a date. Preferably as soon as we can.” Isak almost forgets everything that was stressing him out earlier. He’s giddy like a little girl right now and can’t find it in him to hide it.

“Tomorrow? A less friendly lunch?”

“Maybe a little friendly? I’m not exactly ready to brawl with you, you know.”

“Oh my god, bye Even.” If Isak smiles at his ceiling all night, no one has to know.

---

The next day started with a bang. Literally.

“OH MY GOD ISAK WHAT THE FUCK!” With a speed he didn’t know he possessed, Isak scrambled out into the hall to see what happened. He looked around, but nothing was out of the ordinary. Confused, he wandered into the kitchen. Shattered glass covered the floor, but none of it seemed to bother the maniacally grinning Eskild, furiously typing on his phone.

“Eskild, it’s literally 7 in the morning, what is wrong with you?” He hopes Eskild can hear just how grumpy he is.

“My dear Isak. My little gay baby Jesus. How could you not tell me about your new boyfriend?” Boyfriend? What the fuck?

“Eskild, I have no idea what you’re talking – “

“Save it. My sweet gay rap god has a hot boyfriend, and he hasn’t even told me? Why would you keep this a secret from your guru?” Eskild probably gets off on how many times a day he can make Isak squirm. That has to be it.

“Eskild I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“Then what is this?” He pushes his phone in Isak’s face. It takes him a moment for his to adjust to the harsh light from the screen. It was a picture of them eating the day of the shoot. Isak is almost embarrassed at how smitten he looks.

“He directed the music video. It was just lunch.” He does his best to keep his voice even.

“Ok. Just lunch. Go back to bed, smelly baby.” Isak rolls his eyes and starts to make himself a cup of coffee, narrowly avoiding a particularly jagged shard of glass. He’s thankful that Eskild knows when to stop pushing. Most of the time.

“But, um. We sort of have a thing? Like. I mean, we’re going on a date tonight.” Isak owes Eskild a lot, so if telling him makes him happy, then Isak gladly does it. Eskild’s eyes shine with something Isak can’t really decipher, and he’s pulled into a bear hug.

“You have no idea how good it feels to hear you say that. Especially after Nasir. I’m so proud of you.” There’s a lump in Isak’s throat as he tightens his arms around the older male. He remembers how bad his first breakup was. And how loving his roommate was while his whole world was crashing down. Eskild was Isak’s family, and there's nothing he wouldn’t do for him.

“Now,” Eskild forces them apart to take a look at Isak. “What are we going to do with this mess? It takes time to create a masterpiece, my little diamond in the rough.” They laugh at each other, ignoring the tears that liberally stream down their faces.

“Shut up, I’m not that bad.”

---

“Are you…is that mascara?” Isak ducks behind his menu. “Oh my god, it is! You got all done up for me. You’re so cute, Isak.”

“Ugh, my roommate wouldn’t let me leave if I didn’t let him get me ready.”

“You’ll have to thank them for me. It’s really hot.” Even leans in, voice silky, sultry, and low.

“Bet you’d look even hotter with eyeliner.” Isak can’t help his surprised sputter, and ends up choking on his saliva. Even throws his head back in laughter.

“Kill me now. Please.” He’s only sort of serious. The sight of Even being so open and beautiful strikes Isak, and not for the first time, he wonders what he did to deserve the attention of this man. This gorgeous man, that Isak is sure he’s falling for.

He hasn’t let himself feel so deeply for someone since he was his ex. Nasir. He used to be unable to even think his name, but he’s grown up a lot since then. They had it rough, two boys deep in the closet, weighed down by the expectations of their families. The way they ended, pulled apart and beaten when Nasir’s brother walked in on them, it was soul crushing. But now, as he’s sitting at the table, openly flirting and laughing with Even, Isak thinks he can allow himself this.

“So, why rap?”

“It was just a hobby that took off. Jonas was always good at music. And I can’t sing for shit.” Even does that thing where his eyes disappear and his smile takes up his entire face. Isak’s heart stutters and he grins shyly back. “Why directing, then?”

It takes Even a moment, but he answers more seriously than their conversation has been. “I think... that life is like a movie. And that you can be the director of your own life. But life also kind of happens and you can’t always be in control. I like control. Directing gives me that. And I can’t act for shit.” Isak reaches out to pat Even’s hand but allows Even catch his fingers.

“Wanna get out of here?”

“I thought you’d never fucking ask.”

---

Isak: is it possible to miss someone, even if you’ve spent all day with them? Even: are you saying you miss me? I miss you too. Isak: no I was talking about the other guy I’m seeing. Even: ok but I still miss you. Isak: me too. Btw I was only kidding. I’m only seeing you. Even: good. I want you all to myself. Isak: … can you come over. Even: now? Isak: home alone. Even: be there in 15

---

Isak watches Even get out of a taxi from his window and books it to the door. He throws it open before Even’s even touched the doorbell. They stand there for a moment, chests heaving slightly, eyes wild with want.

Then, the silence snaps and their ears are ringing and they’re all over each other. Hands reaching for anything, everything. Desperate. Isak lets Even take control of their kiss, allowing the older man to devour him. Clothes fly off and Isak laments for a second, because he knows he’s not going to pick any of it up until well after his roommates come back. But he can’t find it in himself to care and pulls Even into his room.

He’s kissing up Even’s neck, tearing the layers off him. He touches Even like he’s starving. And in a way, he is. The man lets out the most beautiful sounds and Isak is in awe. He’s ethereal. Pale, lightly freckled and smooth. Isak lets his hands wander the contours of Even’s lean body, pausing to pick at his belt.

“Isak Valtersen, you get that perky little ass out here, right now.” His hands freeze, and he drops his head on Even’s shoulder. He groans and burrows his face further into the crook of Even’s neck, letting out a quiet faen when he feels Even’s body shake with laughter. He grabs a hoodie off his floor and shimmies into his pjs before heading out, hoping Even has the sense to stay in his room. He doesn’t.

“Eskild, what do you want?” The man is running around, picking up the clothes that Isak knew would come back to bite him in the ass. “What I want is for you to not leave all your shit lying around all the time. I am not your –” Eskild finally looks up, and by the look on his face, it’s clear he wasn’t expecting Even to be there. “Oh. Hello. Who’s this lovely man?” His shift from murderous to flirty probably should be concerning, but Isak just rolls his eyes.

“Sorry, won’t happen again. This is Even. He’s, um, the director I was telling you about.” It’s rushed but he just wants to go back to his room and cuddle with Even, and maybe mourn the loss of the mood.

Even has better manners than Isak could hope for, and reaches around Isak to shake Eskild’s hand. “Nice to meet you. You did great job with Isak’s makeup.” Of course he’s a charming little fuck. Eskild is positively preening from the compliment.

“My baby gay is so lucky. Cute and charming. What a catch. I’ll let you two get back to it.” Isak huffs, and starts to walk away but Eskild clears his throat and he turns back, only to get a face full of clothes. Even chuckles and pulls Isak into a hug, lips skimming his ear.

“Not what I expected out of tonight, but I can’t say I’m disappointed.”

“Ugh, can we just go to bed? I mean, unless you want to go home.” Even holds Isak’s face, and smiles down at him before kissing him sweetly.

“Does it seem like I want to go home right now?” Isak just tilts his head back, eyelids hooded. Even smiles into the kiss, slowly backing them into Isak’s room.

---

Jonas: so ur officially fucking our director? Nice, man. He’s good looking. Isak? Dude? You know none of us care right. We’re happy for you. But if you wanna talk, I’m here. Isak: sry with Even rn. Thanks Jonas. Love you man. Jonas: you’re so gay Love you too.

---

The next shoot is a lot easier. The song is fun. A summer anthem. So they’re kind of just chilling. There’s a pool set and beautiful people. Even wanted them to ‘exude youth and sex and fun’ and Isak just wants fun sex with his young boyfriend. Who didn’t show up today. So there’s that.

“Magnus, leave the girls alone, please.” He’s talking to a group of girls in bikinis and flips Isak off, but follows him to the other boys anyway.

“Bro, they were totally into me. Why you gotta be so rude.” He sings in English, and Isak responds with a scoff and his signature eye roll.

“Whatever, we’re about to film the last bit, so like. We need you.”

“Uh-huh. You sure you’re not moody because your boyfriend isn’t here.”

“No. And I’m sure he’s just on his way.” Isak frowns, checking his phone again before the assistant director calls them to film.

There aren’t any notifications.

---

“Isak!” He’s about to open his door when Even’s voice makes him stop. “Babe! What’s up?” There’s a buzz in his voice that that confuses Isak a little.

“Even, what the fuck? Where were you? We had to shoot without you.” Even wraps his arms around Isak, crushing him to his chest.

“I’m sorry baby, I just had to do this thing. I swear, I let everyone know.”

“Everyone but me?” His voice is slightly muffled, but Even can hear the hurt clearly.

“Hey, it wasn’t on purpose. I just had to get out for a project, and I didn’t think it was going to take as long as it did. I thought they’d tell you. I’m so sorry.” Isak nods, trying to understand Even’s million mile per minute explanation. He pecks the corner of his mouth, and turns to open the door.

“Missed you, though.”

---

“Isak, he’s so hot. You better watch out, or I’ll steal your man.” Eva’s batting her eyelashes and Isak would probably be jealous if he wasn’t so sure about Even.

“Oi he’s mine, bitch.” They grin at each other, before Eva calls over the rest of the girls. If he weren’t so happy and drunk right now he might be bothered. But his boyfriend is on the other side of the room, laughing and dancing around with his friends, and Isak can’t find a single thing to complain about.

These last few weeks, Isak thinks has been the happiest he’s been in a long time. They wrapped up shooting today and decided to throw a party to celebrate. That and he wanted to show off his gorgeous boyfriend to the rest of his friends. He looks around at the girls joking and talking around him, and back to his man and everything feels right.

“You picked a good one. Did you know he’s read the entire Qur’an in Arabic? It’s nice to talk to someone who understands.” Isak turns to look at Sana, eyebrows raised.

“Actually, no. He never told me about it. But, yeah. He’s great.” He really is. Isak is finally letting himself fall and he’s never felt freer.

---

Isak loves sleep. Like really loves sleep. So he’s not too happy when he wakes up at 2:43 am because someone can’t stop pacing and holy shit Even can you just stop.

“Even. Can you, like, come back to bed?”

“Not now. I have…there’s just so much I need to do. Can’t stop thinking.” Isak wonders, not for the first time, if Even’s been taking something.

“Can you at least think in bed? I’m so tired.” Even crawls on top of him, grinding his hips lightly into Isak, erection pressing into him.

“There are a lot of other things I’d rather do in bed.” His voice is hot and heavy in Isak’s ear and suddenly he’s a lot more awake.

“Oh god, get in me, baby.”

Isak doesn’t get that much sleep that night, but he doesn’t mind.

---

Isak: Morning <3 How was your final? Christian is riding my ass about this track. I just wanted to add one more song :( Even? Baby are you ok? I’m worried. Call me please.

---

“Wrote a song.” Isak wrinkles his nose as Even blows a puff of smoke into his face.

“Yeah?” They’re cuddled up in Isak’s bed, wearing nothing but boxers. They’ve spent the whole weekend holed up in his room, smoking and talking and fucking. Isak thinks if he could spend the rest of his life like this, he would die happy.

“Yeah. But I’m, um, singing in this one.” Even sits up and squints incredulously at him.

“What? You? Singing? What happened to ‘can’t sing for shit?’” Isak scrambles up to straddle Even’s lap and steals the joint from Even’s fingers.

“I’m not that bad. I may have stretched the truth a little.” He leans forward to peck Even quickly. He stares at him for a moment, not sure how to say what he wants to. “It’s…um. It’s for you. The song.”

He thinks he might have broken Even. The older man just looks at him like Isak is some sort of mythical creature. Slowly, his hands travel up to cradle Isak’s face.

“How are you so perfect? Huh? How can one person be so fucking beautiful and good to me?” His voice is barely a whisper, eyes molten with something Isak doesn’t know how to describe. He thinks it might be too early to say it, but he’s feeling it. Love rolling off them in waves. When they kiss it’s like everything colliding and stillness all at once. It’s the easiest thing in the world, and so earth shattering. Isak thinks he can feel Even down to his bones.

“I love you.” Even closes his eyes and shudders a breath against Isak’s collarbone.

“Love you too. So much.”

---

It’s Saturday when everything gets fucked.

They’ve been promoting the album, doing random interviews and guest appearances everywhere. Isak, quite frankly, is exhausted. But he lets himself be convinced to go to Even’s friend’s party because they haven’t properly seen each other for a whole two days and Isak was getting used to waking up with Even in his bed.

The other boys have decided to skip the pregame and join him for the party later. So Isak ends up waiting at the unfamiliar at the door alone, the promise of Even on the other side.

“Hey, uh, Isak right?” The man at the door is about the same height as Isak, sparse moustache and straggly hair framing his friendly face. Isak nods, mentally cursing Even for not telling him whose house he was at beforehand.

“Is Even here already?” His eyebrows furrow.

“No, he said he couldn’t make it. Did he not tell you?”

“I was busy all day, and my phone’s dead. I probably missed his messages.” Isak starts to turn around, but feels a hand on his shoulder.

“You can stay if you want. We’d love to chill with the guy who stole Even from us.” There’s a laugh in his voice but Isak is already miles away. It’s not the first time Even’s disappeared on him, but there’s something wrong and Isak does his best to maintain a straight face.

“Um. Thanks. Maybe next time? I think I’ll sit this one out. Thanks again, though.” Isak waits until he’s heard the door close to pull out his phone. Even hasn’t texted him once. His hands start to shake and he doesn’t know what to do or where to go.

Isak: Even, what’s going on? Your friend said you cancelled on him.

Isak: have you guys heard from Even? Jonas: no Isn’t he supposed to be at the pregame? Mahdi: I haven’t either. Isak: he’s not here. Magnus: guys Get to Eva’s place. Like right now. Isak: is he there? Magnus: yeah. Fuck. Get here fast man

So Isak runs. Faster than he’s ever run before. His heart is pounding in his ears, tears streaming down his face. He doesn’t know what to expect but he just knows it won’t be good.

Please be okay.

---

“Who's fucking kid is that?” Even’s eyes are wild, not really seeing him. He’s rocking a baby in his arms, whispering to it softly. They’re standing in Eva’s bedroom. Vilde had seen Even walking around with a baby and brought him to the only place she knew they’d be safe.

“Isn’t he beautiful, Isak? I just had to take him. Had to save him. You’re going to be such a good dad.” His voice was all wrong. Too excited, too…much. Isak could feel tears stinging in his eyes again. His heart breaks in the silence. The tiny whimpers from the child are deafening and he needs to walk away. But he also needs his man, his boy. The one he loves so much, to be ok. And he’s not.

“Even,” his voice comes out in a broken whisper. “Where did you get the baby from?”

“I told you, silly boy, I took him. His parents left him all alone. And I needed to save him, before something could happen to him. Isn’t that, right? We’re going to take such good care of you,” Even’s attention is back on the baby, rubbing its back and cooing at it. “Come meet your other daddy.” He’s closed the distance between them, gently placing the baby into Isak’s limp arms.

“Support his head.” Even adjusts Isak’s arms, but Isak can’t stop looking at him. “Just like that. Isn’t our boy the most perfect thing you’ve ever seen?” It feels like a cruel joke. He’s seen this exact scene in his head so many times. A dream of the future he wants with Even. Now it feels tainted. Ugly. Whose kid is this? He wants to kick and scream and sob but Even just kept looking at him with those eyes. The eyes that don’t belong to his boyfriend, but the sincerity in them is so familiar. It’s the same intense stare that told him he didn’t have to apologize for his past. The same earnest gaze that he couldn’t look away from, the first time they had sex. The watery blue that blinked back tears when they first said I love you.

“Oh, Even.” Isak can’t hold back anymore and can barely speak. “We need to get him back to his parents. They must be so worried.” The baby’s fallen asleep but Isak can’t bear to look at it. Him.

“No, no. We can’t let them take him. They don’t care Isak. We have to hide him. Keep him safe from them. The parents. The government. They’re all going to hurt him. You have to trust me.” Even’s suddenly prying the child out of Isak’s arms, and runs to look out the window, only to duck beneath the frame.

“Isak, it’s all over the news. Someone saw Even take the baby. They’re looking for him.” Vilde’s at the door, eyeing Even warily, voice low enough that only Isak can hear her.

“I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what’s wrong with him.”

---

Magnus, fucking Magnus, is a godsend. No one expected him to take control, but he does and Isak can’t be more grateful. He sits on Eva’s bed, watching Magnus talk to Even in hushed tones. He could probably understand them if he concentrated but he’s so exhausted and numb, he just watches.

Magnus takes the baby and lets Vilde take him out of the room. Even struggles to get him back, but Magnus holds him back. Even’s cries and pleas fall on deaf ears. It’s done. Jonas and Mahdi offer to find a way to get the baby back to his family.

The girls wait until Magnus walks Even out of the room to come in and join Isak on Eva’s bed. They say nothing, just situate themselves around him. Isak closes his eyes, a small sigh escaping him.

“We love you, Isak. We’re here for you.” Noora’s hand ends up on his arm, and he opens his eyes, red and watery, to look at all of them. He doesn’t say anything. He can’t. But he knows they know. That he loves them back. That he’s appreciative. He tries to focus on how lucky he is to have such amazing, supportive friends by his side, and falls into fitful sleep.

---

“He needs to chill Isak. I’m serious, if you go in there, don’t talk about what happened. Not yet, anyway. Just be there for him.” There’s a maturity in Magnus’ face that Isak has never seen before, and wonders how he’s so good at this. Isak managed to sleep until noon the next day, and demanded to see Even as soon he was up.

“Did you get any sleep?” His throat hurts from crying and his face is still puffy, but he doesn’t care. He needs to be with Even.

“Ehh not really, but it’s ok. He needed someone who understands. But, seriously, I don’t care how much you want to talk about it, don’t. Wait until he’s feeling better.”

He opens the door to reveal Even lying in the bed. His head’s propped up against a couple pillows, gaze fixed straight ahead. His eyes focus on something past Isak, and it feels like he’s looking through him, not really seeing. Isak swallows down the urge to run and slowly creeps toward the bed. He pauses at the foot of it, unsure of how to continue. “Are you…did you sleep ok?” That’s harmless enough. Not too probing.

“No.”

“Oh. Can I join you?” Even takes a moment before closing his eyes and nodding. Isak, still moving as slow as he can, climbs up and lies next to his man. “Wanna try sleeping?” Everything happens at a snail’s pace, but Even eventually pushes himself down so he’s flat on his back. Isak pulls the covers around him and leans back, giving Even some space. Isak lets himself relax, and falls asleep again, dreaming of being back in Even’s arms.

---

“Can you just let me go home?” Even’s tired voice pierces through Isak like a bullet.

“I didn’t know I was keeping you here.” His whisper travels over the chilling silence that’s settled in his room ever since they got here two days ago.

“Just. Let me go. Please.” It’s the most emotion Isak’s heard in his voice since the incident. Isak moves to help Even out of bed, but just gets pushed away. He stands by his orange curtains, watching him struggle to grab his things. Isak thought his heart broke when Even had lost it. But that was nothing, nothing compared to this. The pain is real, tangible. Even had given him love and hope when he came into Isak’s life, and now he was taking it all away. He’s taken everything, and Isak’s hollow. Nothing but dark and hurt.

“Sorry.” It’s out of his mouth before Isak can even think about it. Even stops and stiffens, but leaves anyway.

---

“Isak, come eat something, please.” Eskild rubs small circles into his back. Isak doesn’t want to eat. He’s spent the last week just writing and creating. He did everything that was expected of him. He’s smiled for selfies with fans in the street. Performed with all of his energy at all their shows. He just wants to stop. He doesn’t have the will to push anymore.

“I can’t.” He looks up at Eskild and sees the worry plain in his eyes. “I’m just not hungry. I’ll grab something later.” He can hear how empty his words are. He’s just saying what he thinks Eskild wants to hear. Eskild is a lot smarter than Isak gives him credit for. He can see right through the boy’s façade.

“Oh, baby boy, have you talked to him?”

“He doesn’t want me, Eskild.” Isak prays for Eskild to leave him alone. If he doesn’t he won’t be able to hold back any longer. Instead the older man wraps his arms around him, making him feel younger and smaller than he has in a long time. “Why doesn’t he want me anymore?” Isak lets go. He cries and cries in Eskild’s arms, clinging onto him for dear life. “I love him.” He’s wailing into Eskild’s stomach, fisting the fabric of his t shirt.

Eskild lets him soak his shirt with tears. While he may not know what’s going on with Even, he knows Isak. He knows this strong boy will overcome whatever cruel trial this was. And he plans to be there for him every step of the way.

---

Magnus: how r things 2day? Even: didn’t kill myself. Magnus: good 2 hear Ur gonna have 2 stop avoiding him tho Even: no. He doesn’t need this shit. You didn’t see how scared he was. I can’t let him ruin himself. Magnus: fy faen ur the most dramatic prsn I no. Just see him when u feel up to it. U love him. Let him do the same.

---

Two and a half weeks. 18 days. It’s been 18 days since Isak has seen Even, and he hasn’t been doing much better. His smiles come a little easier, and it’s not that hard to convince everyone he’s doing better. But when no one’s looking, Isak lets himself feel. Anger. It’s ugly jagged edges tearing him up from the inside. Sadness. He mourns for the love he’s lost. The man who gave him so much. And stolen it back.

Even: can we talk?

Isak stares at the message. He’s not sure if he’s dreaming it up. Maybe it’s a hallucination. He blinks once. Twice. Three times. It’s still there. He restarts his phone, but the message is still there. He’s reaching out and Isak is too desperate to ignore it.

Isak: ok. When?

The response is immediate.

Even: can I come over? 10 minutes? Isak: ok

---

They sit in Isak’s living room, just looking at each other, for a long time. As angry as Isak is, he just wants to run into his warm embrace. He wants to be enveloped in Even’s love. It’s hard to be so close to him, after everything.

“Are we going to talk, or are you just going to look at me?” He’s not sure where the confidence to speak comes from, but is proud of himself for not letting his voice waver

“I’m bipolar.”

Oh.

Oh.

“Ok.”

Even chuckles darkly. “Ok? It’s not ok? It’s fucked. I’m fucked. In the head. I kidnapped a baby, Isak. How is any of this ok?” His face flushes prettily, and Isak is having a hard time concentrating on the words that come out of those sinful lips. Bipolar.

“What do you want me to say?”

“I don’t know! Yell at me. Hit me. Do something. Don’t just stand there and say ok. As if any of this is easy. Don’t.” Isak reaches out to cover Even’s hand with his own.

“I’m…processing. It’s not easy. I just don’t want you to think this changes anything. It doesn’t change how I feel.” Even grabs Isak by the shoulders, the force of it terrifies Isak. Bipolar.

“You should be running for the hills. You shouldn’t want anything do with me. I’m going to ruin you. I already have.” He’s whispering, eyes wide.

“I still love you, Even. I’ll always love you.” Isak surges forward, pressing their lips together. His hand wraps around Even’s neck. The older man gasps into Isak’s mouth, getting lost in the feel of home in the boy in front of him. Bipolar.

And then he pulls away. “I can’t be with you anymore. I don’t want this.” Even forces himself out of Isak’s grip. “Goodbye, Isak.” He gives a sad half smile and walks out the door.

Bipolar.

---

The days following their breakup are…hard. Not like before, where he could push through. Where the uncertainty about them was a comfort. Now, it’s so final. Goodbye, Isak. The words haunt him. He hears them everywhere. He hears and sees Even everywhere. Buying coffee, a deep voice behind him that makes his eyes sting with tears. When he turns around to see a short man, he runs out.

He tries to hang out with Eskild but when he puts on Moulin Rouge, it’s too much. Baz wouldn’t treat me like this.

He can’t watch their new music videos. Every shot has Even written all over them and it’s suffocating. All he wants is his Even. All he has is his rejection.

He’s sitting quietly, nursing a beer, Jonas, Mahdi, and Magnus do their best to keep the atmosphere light. But Magnus keeps giving Isak these looks and he’s getting pissed off.

“What, Magnus?” He can’t stop the venomous words, but they’re out and now all three boys are looking at him likes he’s grown a second head.

“Nothing. It’s just…I don’t want to lie to you. I’ve been talking to Even.” Isak feels like he’s been punched in his stomach.

“Didn’t know you guys were that close.” He wants to be mad. To feel betrayed, but he’s just worried. “Is he doing ok?”

“Fuck, Isak. You guys need to fix this. I’m so worried about you two.”

“I want to. All I want is to be with him. But he doesn’t. I can’t change what he feels.”

“Bullshit.” Magnus is standing up now. “I know he’s hurting just as bad. He loves you Isak. He’s just convinced you’re better off without him. He wanted to leave you before you left him.” Isak never used to be so open about his feelings, but lately all he does is cry.

“But I would never. Not even when he’s doing crazy shit. I just want to be with him always.” He feels Jonas wrap an arm around his shoulders, too tired and sad to fuss pull away.

“You need to tell him that, though.” And it all falls into place. Jonas is right. He’s always right. Isak had been given something so precious. Someone he truly thought was his soulmate. So why shouldn’t he fight for it? Even if it was Even he was fighting.

“Never knew you were so smart.” Jonas pushes him away a mock offended look gracing his features.

“Drittsek.”

---

Isak: you being bipolar isn’t a dealbreaker. I love you. That’s not going to change. Will you come to my show tonight? Just one last time. Love you.

Isak looks at his phone again. Even’s seen his messages, but has yet to respond. Sighing he turns back to face the empty club. His last show in Oslo before they go on a European tour. It’s a huge fucking deal, and Isak should be excited, but the churning in his stomach has nothing to do with the upcoming tour and everything to do with the possibility of Even showing up tonight.

He knows to keep his expectations low, but he can’t control the hope blooming in his chest. It’s more than he’s felt in almost a month. And he’s holding onto it tightly.

---

The set is incredible. The cheers from the crowd are deafening, and holy shit they know every single word to their songs. Isak almost forgets just how bad he’s had it, because the feeling of people screaming his name is intoxicating. But Even isn’t there. Isak spends every second he can looking out into the crowd, looking for the lanky director that owned his heart.

“I don’t think he’s coming, man.” Mahdi pats his shoulder quickly after the last song. “You still want to do this?” He’s sure. It hurts, but he’s going to do it.

Grabbing a mic stand, he adjusts it so that it’s low enough for him sitting on a stool in the centre of the stage. Jonas joins him, guitar in hand. “Hi guys. So, um. This last song. It’s not like anything we’ve done before. It might not be your style or whatever, but this is for someone who means so much to me. They, uh, they couldn’t make it tonight. But I still wanted to do this. Because I love them no matter what happens. So yeah.” His voice breaks a little, but he just looks out one last time, searching for the man he knew wasn’t going to be there.

Jonas begins to pluck at the strings, a sweet melody filling the room. Isak pours his heart into the words that Even won’t hear. About their love. Their struggle. How Even’s mind is the most beautiful thing in the world. There isn’t a single dry eye in front of him. Isak’s got tears tracks down his face too, glistening under the club’s purple lights. He thinks that if he opens his eyes, he’d be able to see his soul in front of him. Beat down and small. But still so strong. His love for Even keeping it intact.

Everything is silent when he finishes. Isak finally opens his eyes. Still no Even. He smiles sadly. “How about we finish off with one more song.”

The mood shifts suddenly and then they’re finishing up with Magnus crowd surfing, and playing with each other on stage. Isak smiles through it all, just waiting for the moment he can be alone. He’s walking to the green room when his strangled voice breaks Isak from his thoughts.

“Isak.” He turns, only to come face to face with Even. His Even. Looking shattered and heartbreakingly beautiful. A fallen angel.

Isak is frozen, feet unwilling to bring him closer. It’s Even that makes the first move. Slowly, carefully walking up to Isak, eyes never leaving his.

“Halla.” He whispers. And fuck him. Fuck him for thinking after all this that he can just come back and say halla like nothing happened. Except he can and Isak is all too willing to accept it.

“Halla.” Isak closes his eyes as Even brings a hand up to his face, thumb stroking along his cheekbone.

“The song was...beautiful.”

“Yeah. Well.” Isak leans into the touch, inhaling the taller man’s familiar scent.

“I’m sorry, Isak.” His eyes meet Even’s and he’s certain they have matching red tints.

“Don’t apologize. Just. Don’t leave me again. I don’t think I’ll survive it.” Even swallows, a stray tear escaping. He bows his head close to rub Isak’s cheek with his nose.

“I won’t. I can’t. Not again. I love you too much.” Isak’s finally gained control of his body and throw his arms around Even’s neck, pulling them together. He buries his head into Even’s shoulder, body sagging with relief.

“I love you.”

---

They’re lying in Isak’s bed, not touching. Facing each other. Memories of the last time they were like this are still fresh and sting, but they both need this. Isak lets his hands wander up and down Even’s arm, resting on his cheek, the back of his neck.

“I just didn’t want you to have to deal with me. You already had to deal with your ‘insane’ mom. I was...I got selfish. Wanted to spend more time with you than I should be allowed.” Isak’s heart breaks for his boy. For the time they spent apart. For all the uncertainty.

“I want you to be selfish. I want you to stay with me.”

“Being bipolar isn’t easy. Being with someone who's bipolar is even harder. Its two lives getting fucked.” Isak shifts so they're even closer, hand stilling.

“I don't want easy. I want you. And if everything gets to be too much, we take it a day at a time. If that doesn't work, we take it minute by minute. The only thing we need to worry about is the next minute, ok? Can we do that?” Even’s gaze is piercing, seeing everything down to the core of Isak’s very being. Isak lets him. He turns his head to plant a small kiss on Isak’s palm.

“We can do that.” Isak knows why Even keeps hesitating. He’s still waiting for the ball to drop. Waiting for Isak to leave him. But Isak knows he won’t. He can’t. Even is an all consuming force and Isak is so gone for him. There isn’t a thought in his head that doesn’t echo Even.

Isak hums softly, and recognition flashes across Even’s face. He pulls Isak into his chest, letting the soft melody of their song wash over them. Even can feel Isak looking at him, and lets his face against his forehead.

“What are we doing in this minute?” Isak lifts himself up so that they were eye to eye.

“In this minute? In this minute, we kiss.” And they do. And everything is going to be ok.

[normal-thoughts-official]

Uhm... an nsfw question, like really nsfw: do you think Alec is circumcised or uncircumcised 👀 How does Magnus feel about it 👀👀

this made me laugh lowkey because thats not rlly what i would consider a nsfw question udndidj. like pls dont take it as judgement or anything, its not that, im usually the weird one when it comes to that stuff cuz my criteria for nsfw is very different from most ppl's, but it's always interesting to me to see how different ppl categorize that stuff u know? i feel like its rlly personal most of the time

as for the question! i think id say uncircumcised simply because shadowhunters are too stupid to perform surgery on a kid and not kill them djdndiddidnd. also would an iratze make the foreskin grow back? or it wouldnt if you healed it like you would a stitch? hmmm much to think about. are shadowhunters capable of having surgery in that sense? particularly i guess plastic surgery. i think they would have to find ways to manipulate the healing for that but idk

i dont really know what the difference between a circumcised and an uncircumcised dick is because ive only ever seen uncircumcised dicks (not that I have a huge amount of experience with dicks but u kno). in brazil pretty much only jewish ppl r circumcised (and even then a lot of jewish ppl arent, none of my jewish friends are dudndjdj. and it's got nothing to do with like, having pride or being close to their culture or not to be clear, all my jewish friends are very proud to be jewish and have grown in single-faith jewish households that are close to their traditions. theyre all reform jews tho so theres that frame of reference). i get the impression that its not the same way in gringoland and that more ppl r circumcised regardless of their faith or culture, but i never really asked so i might be wrong. but anyway i dont really know what the difference is in practice

i think that magnus would love it either way tho? his most important opinion about alec's dick is that he uses it very well ;) and other than that ACAB (All Cocks Are Beautiful)

sorry that thats probably a kinda disappointing answer riendidnc i dont have a lot of cock expertise to go on here :/

[normal-thoughts-official]

Magnus loved putting his hair in feminine hairstyles but Camille humiliated him over it so he cut his hair short and styled iy in masculine hairstyles only. It was decades later that Alec accidentally discovered this and encouraged Magnus to style his hair however he wants to

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

finally, my first ask with a magnus/malec headcanon! Im so happy i could die

(warning: this will contain discussions of psychological/emotional abuse and queerphobia, particularly biphobia)

but no really like ok i have a lot of thoughts about this actually. because like in the show theres this one picture of Magnus ragnor and Catarina together in what looks like the 1840s (im mainly going by the type of photograph here, but also clothing, and jesus christ im already putting so much research into this somebody stop me), so that's when im assuming they were together

i only have the pic with this writing over it srry

also magnus is almost definitely wearing a corset in here which is driving me insane

anyway, at that time, it was not unusual for men to have long hair even if mens hair was still commonly shorter than women's hair. it was also during that decade that men's fashion in England started to reject frills and colors and become more boring like we know it today (source is the one about fashion above). so when magnus and camille were together, the idea of a man being "too girly" fashion-wise was pretty much being born in western culture. so that brings.... many layers

i tend to think magnus wouldnt really internalise a lot of the "oh you dress like a girl" stuff because 1- i mean hes so comfortable with it, but more importantly 2- he was alive way before these concepts were even born, and he was raised in at least two non-modern-western cultures (indonesian and whatever the fuck kind of culture demons have) where the concept of gender is/was radically different. so he's bound to have a little easier time not believing shit like "oh wearing x is for girls" because hes known different for a long time.

BUT living in an abusive environment and simultaneously a turning point in how gender performance was viewed is bound to fuck you up, too. so i can see camille using that against him, like "cant you see that times are changing? you're gonna lose all respect if you keep dressing like this". we also know that camilles abusive arguments stem a lot from magnus' immortality and the issues he has with it, so this possibly came into play as well - you can't keep up with the times, you're staying behind, soon you'll be an outsider and people will look down on you because of that. so....... yeah, i think camille could have done a big number on him by using that, and his gender presentation as a whole, to make him feel inadequate. i kind of even think that the makeup and the clothing has a little taste of "fuck you camille" yknow, like, hes gonna be who he is and embrace the fact that he doesnt really fit into the western binary. but you can also see ways in which he holds back - for instance, he only wore colorful makeup when he was depressed because of Valentine and in the finale, when he seemed to look actually comfortable in his own skin, happy, and his makeup and accessories were a little bolder and outside the box. so basically - camille using magnus' gender against him and as a way to manipulate him is entirely plausible, and i believe that part of magnus' development in the post-show years are gonna have to do with that, with wearing what he wears less like an armor and more like a form of expression that he has fun with and that feels entirely his. and i think this can present in a lot of ways, like longer hair, less traditional makeup, different clothes. and obviously alec thinks magnus is always the most beautiful person alive and supports his experiments with gender and expression and no one would even dare get nasty about it because if u even think about snickering in magnus' general direction alec will have a blade on ur throat in .2 seconds. also this is giving me some nice images of magnus with braided hair, so what im trying to say is basically bless this ask really.

also this is a little unrelated but i mean, Ive seen so many bi men in abusive relationships with straight girls its impossible to me to not think his sexuality had a huge part on her abuse, possibly even more so than gender, considering how the whole gendered clothing thing was kind of still being established during that time, whereas "sodomy" was a crime punishable by death in england until the 1960s. and this got me thinking - for Camille to be so adamant on the fact that people leave Magnus and die and that he needed her because he could be assured that she wouldn't die on him, that must have been a nerve at the time. he probably had lost someone close recently and was having trouble dealing with it. that's further supported by the whole "magnus nearly jumped off a bridge and Camille talked him out of it" thing. so what im saying is, what if Magnus had lost a friend, or even a lover, to the capital penalty? like that's... very plausible. at that time there were no accords, so he could go around meeting mundanes and getting involved as he pleased, and Magnus probably wasnt all that shy about his sexuality (again, he was raised in environments where that wasnt looked down on), so its entirely plausible he lost someone important to him who was a part of the community, maybe even felt like it was his fault - maybe they got caught together or something and magnus had to fake his death cuz immortal, or maybe he just feels like he should have done something but it was too late, we know magnus is the kind of guy who wants to Protect Everyone - so he was probably hurting a lot, feeling helpless, having just lost someone for being pretty much the same as him, and he meets this woman who keeps talking about how inadequate he is and how people always leave him and how shes the only one he can count on not needing to protect or worry about because shes also immortal and powerful, and shes kind of a ticket to at least pretending to fit into what that culture thought was right, and he was depressed and isolated and- look, its just entirely plausible that his sexuality played a huge part in both making him vulnerable to camilles abuse and giving her ways to hurt him and twist the knife. i kind of plan on exploring that if i ever get around to writing that fic about magnus and his sexuality throughout his life so uh stay tuned i guess

anyway im sorry if that was rambly or incoherent or too long im really tired and im kind of travelling rn so not a lot of tumblr time but i really wanted to answer this. thank you so much for sending me this, it made my day!