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saeyoungs-sunflower · 4 years ago

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A Piece of You: Chapter 5

Pairing: Zen x MC

Synopsis: After the death of his sister, Zen is entrusted with raising her daughter. Six years later and MC has settled into RFA, but she just wants to be back on the roof with the love of her life like she was two years before. But dealing with teenage years, dragged out engagements and a lot of unsaid feelings, you start to lose a piece of you. Or, perhaps, find a piece you had that had been missing the whole time.

Warnings: References to alcohol/drinking.

Songs (a few today, it felt appropriate haha, also I figured out how to link to Spotify so there’s that):

Beautiful Mistake - Hudson Taylor

Even If It’s a Lie - Matt Maltease

Dancing On My Own - Callum Scott

⇦ Previous Chapter

***

It was only two years later when MC and Chul got engaged.

It was a beautiful proposal, they said. Filled with tears of joy, promises of devotion, a dazzling ring to solidify their commitment.

Everyone was expecting it, Zen was expecting it. He knew after the first six months that it would end up this way.

But it still hit him like an elbow to the gut.

Zen had had a lot of time to think over those two years. Gi had been discovered by a well-respected skating coach, and was spending most of her free time at the rink, leaving Zen at home with only his thoughts for company. He learnt a few things about himself.

Most prominently, he discovered that he was not, in fact, as naive as he convinced himself he was. It was, quite frankly, inappropriate how long he had revelled in his feelings but refused to even acknowledge their roots. It would become complicated, he told himself, if he dug a little deeper and fought a little harder. But now, things were more complicated than they ever have been, and then they ever would have been.

However, Zen didn’t remember exactly when he came to this realisation. Maybe it was after she surprised Gi during training when she knew she was having a hard week, or the hug she gave him on opening night, or when she called him and sobbed down the phone as she told him the ‘good news’…

Though, it didn’t matter when it happened, to be honest. All that mattered now was that he was sat alone at the bar, the sharp hiss of whiskey on his tongue as others sipped champagne behind him, cheering and congratulating the newly-engaged couple. He wanted, with every fibre of his being, to celebrate with them and to look her in the eye and say ‘I wish you the best, and I know he’ll make you happy’, but this was the most challenging role he had ever had to play, and he was too exhausted to rise to it. Zen didn’t want to play a side character in her life, he wanted to be her co-star, but he had missed the audition.

He took one more swig and was about to leave the bar when he heard a low, smooth voice from behind him.

“Leaving already?”

Zen had to bite his tongue to prevent him from shouting all kinds of profanities in the heir’s face. He swivelled in his chair to face the man who had just taken the seat next to him and was already ordering two more whiskeys. Zen wasn’t in the mood to argue, “Jumin, seriously, not right now. Lecture me tomorrow if you need to, whatever. But right now, leave me alone.”

“I’m not going to lecture you,” Jumin said easily, “I want to talk.”

“Oh yeah? What about.”

“About how your best friend is celebrating one of the best moments of her life, and you’re over here sulking.”

Zen was taken aback, but tried his best not to show it, “You don’t get it.”

“Yes, actually, I do.”

The older man turned in his chair slightly so he was fully facing Zen, but looking just behind him. Zen peered over his shoulder curiously, only to find MC, eyes sparkling and skin glowing as she chatted away to the rest of the group. He felt a pang of guilt, “What do you mean you do?”

Jumin sipped his whiskey and cleared his throat, “I’m not also half in love with her, if that’s what you’re worried about. But she is special to me, to all of us. The engagement also made us feel a sense of loss-”

“Grief, more like.”

“How can you be grieving when she’s never looked more alive?”

When Zen stayed quiet, Jumin continued, “I said I wouldn’t lecture you, and I won’t, but I want to offer my advice and help. No, let me finish. You are not the same man that joined the RFA all those years ago. You have a child, a career, and a whole lot of unresolved emotions and grief from family-”

“Are you really talking to me about unresolved emotions?!” Zen snapped.

“Not that that’s important, but you’re not the only one who’s been guided by MC,” Jumin said steadily, “But anyway, what I am saying is that I don’t blame you for not realising your feelings towards MC sooner, for not acknowledging that you are in lo-“

“Stop.”

Jumin sighed, “I don’t care what you have against me, but you are in the RFA and therefore you are a part of this family. I care about my family,” he placed his drink on the bar, “therefore I also care about MC. I don’t want you to make any rash decisions and confuse her.”

“So that’s what you wanted to talk to me about? I’m not gonna tell her how I feel, if that’s why you’re so concerned. Funnily enough, I also care about her. I’m not gonna do anything to jeopardise her happiness. You should know that.”

“I do know, and that’s not the only thing I wanted to tell you,” he paused, looking Zen directly in the eye, “V and I have been talking, and we’re worried about you. Both of us. You have a lot on your plate, Zen, and I want to help in whatever way I can. Whether Gi needs help funding her coaching, or you find yourself needing someone to confide in, you can call me and I’ll be there, no questions asked.”

Zen was silent for a moment, almost too stunned to form words, “Dude, where the hell did that come from?”

Jumin chuckled, “I have no idea. Maybe the atmosphere of the evening has made me sentimental. Or perhaps Yoosung’s lack of sobriety has kicked in some paternal instincts I didn’t know I had.”

Both the men laughed and swigged their drinks, before settling into a companionable silence. Zen looked over his shoulder once more, to find MC and Chul on the dance floor, holding each other close, joy evident and smiles in abundance.

Would she have chosen him? If he had acted sooner, stopped being an idiot sooner, would he have been the man to dance with her, rather than the man sat watching alone at the bar? The thought ate away at him, and it became too much, “I appreciate it, Jumin, and I know I’m being selfish but…but I still don’t think I can do this right now.”

Jumin nodded and set down his now empty glass, “I understand. I’ll tell MC you had an emergency call and Gi needed you home.”

“Thank you,” he paused, “I mean it.”

“You’re welcome. Again, if you need me, call. If I for some reason don’t pick up, call V. We’ll help you, no matter what.”

Zen nodded in recognition and made his way towards the exit. He’d need to move past the dance floor through a group of people, but the RFA group seemed fairly occupied with their own conversations, so Zen should be able to just slip-

“Hey! There you are!”

Zen was swivelled around by his shoulder and met with a pair of bright eyes, sparkling from the buzz but drooping slightly from the alcohol. She was still the most gorgeous thing he had ever laid eyes on.

“Where are you going? Are you feeling okay?”

And she had the most kind heart he had ever encountered. He wanted to scream. “I’m okay, MC, thank you. I just got a call from the babysitter, she said Gi needs me so I gotta run.”

“Oh, okay. Tell Gi I said hello, and I hope she’s alright…”

“I will, thank you. And…” he stared at her. He couldn’t do anything but look straight into her eyes as they watched him expectantly. Her hair fell so smoothly behind her bare shoulders, curling softly at the ends. She was ethereal, practically glowing from her joy. Her soul was always on display, yet she never wore her heart on her sleeve. She held everything that Zen had ever wanted and hid away everything he craved to discover, but he was too damn slow.

She cocked an eyebrow, curiosity and concern starting to flood her features, “Zen?”

Maybe he could ask for one dance, one last moment with just the two them, to have her in his arms one last time, like old times. Perhaps then she would see how he truly felt towards her, and perhaps she would decide that she wants him too. He would hold her, cherishing every breath she took and showing her the love she deserved. He could do that, it didn’t need to be Chul. He could be the one she wanted. He could be the one she chooses. Zen wasn’t ready to let go, and he might not have to.

But he looked back at her now, at the woman who already gave him the world. The one who stayed by him, who supported him, who wiped his tears and who treated Gi as if she were her own, giving her memories that she’ll cherish for the rest of her life. MC, the woman who appeared out of thin air and made him feel worth something more than he believed.

He was too young, too stupid, to see what was right in front of him before. And now, he was the one who went unseen. Where he saw colour, she now saw grey, and where he felt magic, she now felt nothing at all.

He wanted one last moment with her, but she was in love with someone else, and love looked too good on her.

I’m not gonna do anything to jeopardise her happiness.

He looked beyond MC and saw Chul, who was laughing along with Saeyoung and Yoosung, fitting in so well with the group that Zen spent the night avoiding. He also caught Jumin and V’s watchful eyes on him. He made his choice.

He looked her in the eye once again, “Congratulations, MC. I am so happy for you, truly. If anyone deserves this, it’s you. You look absolutely gorgeous tonight, Chul is a very lucky man. I wish you the best, and I know he’ll make you happy,” he leant down, placing a soft, chaste kiss on her cheeks, rosy from the champagne, now even rosier, “Goodbye, MC.”

Zen walked out the door, not giving himself the option of looking back. He wanted to miss seeing her bound back to her fiance, and miss seeing his hands placed on her waist and her lips on his. He wanted to miss seeing the one that got away being with the one who got her.

However, in his attempt to protect himself, he missed one very crucial detail, one specific pair of eyes, and the anger burning within them, the thoughts being formed behind them.

I see. Well, that just won’t do.

***

Gi was already in bed by the time Zen returned home. He excused the babysitter, paying her the promised amount despite his early return, and dragged himself to the couch. He sat down with a defeated sigh, staring up at the ceiling as his mind filled with noise. Nothing could be done. It wasn’t meant to be, and that was that. Tomorrow would be better. He prayed tomorrow would be better.

Just as his eyelids fell shut, he felt a dip in the couch next to him. Gi silently climbed onto his lap and curled up into his chest, and Zen instinctively wrapped his arms tightly around her small form, “Hey you, you should be in bed,” he whispered.

“Why are you sad?”

He brushed the wispy hairs away from her face, “What makes you think I’m sad?”

“You have your sad smell.”

Zen chuckled, his amusement genuine for the first time that evening, “Are you saying I smell bad? How rude. You’re the smelly one here.” When she didn’t smile, Zen felt his heart sink, “What do you mean by my ‘sad smell’?”

Gi pointed to his mouth, her eyebrows furrowed, “Your breath. When you go out at night and come back with that smell, it’s because you’re sad,” she paused, “I don’t like that smell.”

The whiskey. She was smelling the whiskey on his breath. Zen wanted to cry. In fact, he would have if he hadn’t blinked away the tears that threatened to surface, “I’m sorry, sweetie, I’m okay. I’m not sad.”

Gi didn’t look convinced, “Are you sure?”

“I have you, don’t I? What do I have to be sad about?”

Zen didn’t ever want to lie to Gi, but he gave himself the excuse that he was only half lying. Because yes, he was actually sad, but he knew he wouldn’t be forever. Gi was the single best thing in his life, and the only thing he needed. He was sad now, but tomorrow would be better. Any tomorrow with Gi in it was a tomorrow worth waiting for. For her, he needed to do better. He needed to make sure that ‘sad smell’ or anything of the like would never exist again.

When she fell heavy in his embrace, Zen carefully carried her up to her room. Placing her gently onto the mattress and bringing the blanket up to her chin, he kissed the top of her head and flicked off the light, waiting in the doorway for an extra moment.

This was all he needed. It was him and her now, father and daughter. His heart was full as long as she was there. As long as she stayed by his side.

As long as she didn’t stray from him.

As long as she didn’t become like him.

But no matter how much he denied it, there was a piece of her that grew stronger everyday. A piece of her that was, in fact, a piece of him. It was evident by the letters from teachers that sat on the kitchen table, the text messages he received from her coach when she didn’t turn up to practise, even when he had dropped her off; by the phone call from the police station when they caught her stealing an ice cream from the shop down the street, as a group of kids quietly ate theirs in the alley next to it.

As long as she didn’t become like him.

Though she was her father’s daughter, after all.

***

Masterlist || Next Chapter

#mystic messenger #mysme #zen ryu #hyun ryu #zen x mc #zen x reader #mysme zen #mm zen #mystic messenger fanfiction #zen x you #my writing

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novantinuum · 5 years ago

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Fifteen

Fandom: Steven Universe

Rating: General Audiences

Words: 1.6K~

Summary: Every year, on the fifteenth day of the eighth month, Pearl runs away.

I managed to churn out a hurt/comfort one-shot focusing on Pearl and her relationship with Steven and his birthday for the occasion. Happy birthday, lil’ fella!

AO3 link to be posted in reblog.

Despite their shortcomings as an intelligent species otherwise, Pearl would be remiss to admit that humanity at least has a few positive attributes and customs.

The concept of leisure, for instance, is a good example. After all, back on Homeworld, actions that don’t directly benefit the Great Diamond Authority’s cause would be labeled as treason. Knighthood is another one she quite fancies. Despite her origins she’s always admired the thought of pledging one’s lifelong service to another by active choice, and all the honor and decorum that goes with that lifestyle. From there, the list is short, but cherished: humanity’s inclination to collect otherwise useless objects as mementos, their innate desire to seek out physical means of affection, (thanks to their attitudes towards cross-fusion, something else considered incredibly taboo throughout most of the empire), and the fact that their music isn’t something that’s restricted to only the elite.

Five attributes she admires. Many, many more she’s confused or even disgusted by. Amethyst’s obsession with human food, for instance, she’ll likely never understand. But out of every universal custom the denizens of Earth partake in, the one she’s never managed to wrap her mind around is the idea of celebrating one’s day of... emergence.

Gem emergence back on Homeworld is no impressive event. One moment you don’t exist, and the next— you do, imbued with just enough knowledge to properly carry out whatever purpose you’ve been assigned to fill in the ever-spinning clockwork of Gem society until shattering or the eventual heat death of the universe. That’s it. Clean cut.

In stark contrast, human birth is a complex, messy affair, marked by hours of nonstop wailing and suffering at both ends. So why, then, does humanity insist upon spending a significant portion of their already minuscule lifespans planning, attending, and observing celebrations of this day? She hasn’t a clue. Honestly, from her perspective it seems quite distasteful.

But She, on the other hand, couldn’t get enough of Earth’s frivolous celebrations. She made it her purpose to understand as much about their primitive way of life as possible. She— despite all her desperate pleas for her to choose otherwise— decided to take her overly obsessive fascination one step further and submit her body to it.

Which is how fifteen years later, Pearl finds herself broken, alone, sitting atop the same floating mountain where she first pledged her willful, eternal loyalty to the former diamond she now mourns. Her shoulders shake as she sobs without restraint, lithe fingers gripping so hard into the grass that she pulls up roots. Tears drip off her chin and into the dirt. She’s a coward. One of the most important days for humankind, despite her lingering confusion as to why, and she can’t even manage to pull herself together for a second to be there for... for him.

Just thinking about it sends her whirling through every year of her regrets as if she’s living through it all afresh.

She isn’t there at the very beginning. None of them are. It‘s just Greg, and, and... and Her, and some local she can’t remember the name of who agreed to act as midwife. The next ten or so years are much the same, every single one of them except the boy’s father keeping their distance so they can grieve in their own private ways. Garnet grows more withdrawn than usual, holing herself away in the burning room to conduct inventory of the bubbled Gems. Amethyst always warps to her former Kindergarten to do shard knows what, likely resorting to violence as a means of burning through the confusing emotions. And as for herself, she runs here. Every time. To Strawberry Battlefield, where the others dare not follow.

Eleven years. Despite Greg’s warnings otherwise, the energetic young half-Gem personally invites the three of them to his party. Garnet and Amethyst politely decline this invitation, knowing they don’t have the emotional strength to deal with the other young human children on this already difficult occasion. They do, however, concede to join him and Greg for a small cake lighting ceremony later that evening.

Pearl attends neither.

Twelve years. This time, there is no big party full of noisy, ungrateful human children the boy’s age. Most of their families had since moved away. (If she has to guess, the town’s prevalence for dangerous Gem activity was the root cause of that.) Upon Greg’s request, the others agree to meet up on the porch of the house—almost complete— to sing him that dreadfully banal song.

When approached about it later, she claims she forgot. No one dares press further.

Thirteen. She must leave immediately to take care of an urgent solo mission. No, she doesn’t need help, but thank you for offering.

Fourteen.

For the first time, she actually attends the celebration. It’s small, cozy. She manages a smile for most of that day. Manages to keep her thoughts pointedly directed away from the raw, recent past she’s usually running towards in her own self destructive way. Foolishly, she dares to imagine that maybe, just maybe she’s beginning to move on, to change with the rest of them, just like that young half-Gem is with every passing moment. But then the new shirt Connie got him is pink, and the whole countryside is spinning around her, and she can barely hear Amethyst asking her if she’s alright, and before she knows it, her feet have propelled her away, away to the warp pad nestled in the nearby field, and straight into the strawberry scented arms of the grief she can’t quite separate herself from.

It’s not normal. At least, it shouldn’t be normal. Grief isn’t something Gems of a lower cut have reason to even express. Where one is shattered, a replacement is incubated in the crust of some other unlucky world. Even for a Gem as powerful and rare as a diamond, such deep sorrow is waved away as nothing more but a waste of time and resources. And yet in this case the gem in question isn’t actually shattered. Perhaps it’d be a different story if She were. Perhaps Pearl could find the strength to finally thrive on this anniversary if that gemstone’s achingly familiar song really was cut off for good, if she could bury all her unresolved feelings with the shards She left behind.

Instead the song lives on, unceasingly, within the very boy she's helped raise.

Fifteen.

She hopes he knows that she tried this year, she really did. After everything they’ve been through together... every truth she’s revealed, every secret he’s confided with her, every hard wrought battle they’ve won... she honestly tried.

But no matter what, she can’t quite dodge the guilt ridden fear that his happy day will never be happy for her.

Miserably, she hugs her legs to her chest, her hard light form long since purged of all strength from her weeping. The tracks of her tears have already dried on her cheeks, and they’re left feeling sticky as a result. Looking up, the fields below are stunning in the stark amber glow of sunset. They genuinely are. Beyond the floating mountains wild strawberries stretch as far as the eye can see, but today they stir nothing within her.

Today, even beauty is without meaning, and in the moment so is she.

The vines emerging from the base of her solitary plateau crack and rustle, knocking her from her thoughts. She startles with a gasp, almost whirling around to see what’s disturbed her, but then... that song, oscillating through the thick air in waves far too small to hear. Of course. Who else would have the courage to run after her?

“Pearl,” he says softly, edging towards her frail, quivering frame.

And truthfully, she’s not sure if she’ll ever get used to the sound of that boy’s voice, how low its dropped ever since his sudden growth spurt a few months back, so, so different in register and yet intimately familiar regardless. Arms wrap tight around her midsection. She sniffles in response, hot tears threatening to burst their dam at any moment. Yet, still every bit as stubborn as the day she emerged from under the iron rule of Homeworld, she refuses to look behind, refuses to visually acknowledge the truth that’s weighing down on her more than even the fate of entire rebellions: the undeniable truth that like it or not he’s changing, faster and faster as the days creep onward, growing and maturing into a young man she knows with every burning fiber of her being that She would be so proud of.

It’s almost not fair, how quickly humanity can change. Progress... move forward.... leave behind.

Forget.

Die.

She begins quivering once more, not able to hold back her tears for his sake. They’re messy, every bit as undignified as she deserves in this moment.

To his credit, the boy doesn’t say anything more, knowing her well enough by this point to merely comfort her in silence as she brokenly wails. Minutes pass. At some point, he leans his face against her back, hugging her the same way as the first time he followed her here. It’s grounding, a welcome reminder of all the other days she has to live for. Taking a deep, steadying breath, she closes her eyes for a period, reaching up to blot at the edges of her puffy eyes.

“Happy Birthday, Steven,” she whispers, wiping the last traces of tears away before clasping her hand solid in his, steeling herself in both mind and body to face the unknown future with him together... one fifteenth of August at a time.

#su #steven universe #pearl #su fanfic #su fanfiction #my writing stuff

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setoangel01-fanfiction · 6 years ago

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Fatherhood

Fandom: Sing 2016

Rated: T

Story Summary: Big Daddy is called to watch Johnny and Ash's kids on super short notice. As his son gets ready to leave, it brings out some unresolved feelings about BD's own (lacking) parenting skills.

Fanfiction.net

A03

"Thanks for coming over on such short notice, dad." Johnny flicked his eyes over to the blues of his fathers. "Mr. Moon wasn't exactly sure on the date of the concert and outta nowhere, he called an hour ago - yes, three in the morning - telling me 'n Ash to head out asap." he further explained to the larger gorilla sitting upon the nearby couch.

"Oi, don't mention it, Johnny." Big Daddy cleared his throat before answering.

Wiping his eyes what had to be the dozenth time in the short time span since he'd arrived at his son's house. He was fine on the drive over because he had a goal in mind, but now, merely sitting on a comfortable couch, re-energized the sleep still clinging to the recesses of his brain. BD fought against the encroaching desire to sleep by keeping his attention on his only (adult) child.

Said one who was frantically (but neatly) packing a large suitcase with assorted items scattered about the coffee table. The repetitive motion was too relaxing so his gaze drifted toward a nearby wall decorated with multiple black and white frames. Inside were pictures of the two little ones he would be babysitting this next week while his son and daughter-in-law headlined in a concert…in Japan.

It all still seemed so impossible; especially since his imprisonment and release eight years prior still felt like a dream at times. How his Johnny actually made a living doing what BD seemed ridiculous (even damn impossible) once upon a time.

Recalling in vivid detail the molten anger he'd felt toward Johnny when he failed to arrive as their getaway driver during their riskiest heist yet. The frantic panic thrumming through his veins after crawling through those disgusting sewers hoping to see salvation in the form of a black truck only to see empty streets and incoming cop cars ready to arrest his guilty ass.

The nauseating burn of disappointment deep in his gut when Johnny finally showed up at the prison. Johnny had always been a lousy liar so it wasn't long til he confessed the true reason as to why he ditched them that night.

"Dad… I-I wanna be a singer."

Subconsciously biting his lip, forced to remember his reaction to his son's pleas and explanation in what felt like a separate lifetime. Harsh disappointment in himself for the biting and horrid words he'd actually voiced to his only child. A father should be supportive, loving, caring, and give up everything for them - much like Johnny was to his own kids - not to feel such visceral anger toward them for wanting to chase after falling stars.

BD sat there, staring at the beautiful pictures of Johnny with his kids while he was faced with his own less than stellar parenting moment in that jail. The words came back with such harsh clarity; spoken with such biting ire and rough certainty when those harsh words pierced through the dirty phone …

"You're not my son..."

The immediate welling of glittery tears in Johnny's chestnut eyes - eyes he'd gotten from his mum and his beloved deceased wife - filled with agony and hurt that he had caused him. Even more than a decade later, he could still almost taste the bitterness his wife would've felt had she heard what he'd told their beautiful baby boy lingering heavily on his tongue.

Worst yet, after speaking the most damaging words you could ever say to your child, he walked away.

Refused to acknowledge anything else as Johnny desperately called after him. Telling him he would be back, that he would win the money and find a way to get him out; begging him to wait, gentle voice breaking slightly and thick with emotion and pain he'd inflicted.

What kind of father was he to walk away from the only one in his life that mattered above all else?

The one remaining link he had to his life in England. Of a beautiful wife taken far too soon, one he missed dearly and would give anything to get back. His precious son. The same one he held and his wife happily sobbed over after two long days in hospital. A happiness that was so visceral and pure; hearing his tiny cries for the first time echoing throughout the room. His beautiful sweet baby boy who used to yank at his ears and giggle until his little cheeks had a pink tint. The baby gorilla smiling at him whenever he walked into the room; the gesture alone causing all the drivel he was forced to deal with that day to fade away as if it never existed…

A boy that clung to him after his mother's passing while all BD did was slowly push him away with his criminal activities and moving them halfway across the world.

Johnny.

The last remaining family he had.

And he disowned and fucking turned his back on him…

"...Dad?" Johnny's voice suddenly removed him from his shadowy thoughts.

BD couldn't help but flinch at the quell in silence, "Oh. Yeah? What is it, Johnny?"

"Are you alright?" Johnny mused with brow ridges creased deeply in what could only be concern. He truly never deserved such an amazing son…

"Of course! Never better!" BD replied in all honesty. The last thing he wanted to do before Johnny had to fly halfway across the world was to bring up the biggest mistake of his life; one that still haunted him more than he cared to admit even if Johnny forgave him years ago.

Johnny didn't look convinced whatsoever. "Dad, is something bothering you?."

"No!" Big Daddy laughed, hoping his smile was genuine enough for his son.

"'Course not! I'm just a bit tuckered out is all. S'pose I ought to make a bit a coffee, huh? So you n' Ash can take some with ya on the road? It's a long drive to the airport!" BD continued; not at all comfortable with Johnny's scrutiny and looking for a way out.

Before BD could even stand up, Johnny intervened, "Ash already made some before ya got here."

"Oh. Good! She's really on top of things, huh?"

"Yeah. She is…but, dad? What's wrong? I can tell something is bothering you." Johnny spoke firmly; serious brown eyes digging deep into his own.

Yet any answer he could hope to supply to avoid the questioning stare of his son, fortunately, was forgotten when his daughter-in-law walked into the room.

BD knew instantly whatever conversation they had previously was as good as dropped when strutting into the space of the living room was a woman on a mission and Big Daddy's lips lifted of their own accord at the sight. Both for saving him an uncomfortable conversation and he was just damn happy to see her.

Ash.

Quite a feisty lass to say at the very least. Spirited, bold, blunt and sarcastic and he remembered fondly just how fast he'd gotten along with his son's then-girlfriend. Although he'd be the first to admit that it was a bit strange to see this spunky diminutive porcupine proudly strutting in after his red-as-a-beet son for their first meeting behind three-inch glass and speaking over a dirty telephone system.

Johnny, a blubbering mess, introducing her when BD of course saw the glint in his eyes that told all. His son had always worn his heart on his sleeve and it was impossible to keep her a secret for long when he saw the faraway, twitterpated look crossing his son's bright red face the few times he mentioned his girlfriend in prior visits.

Yet any doubts faded away when Ash didn't even flinch at his gargantuan size on the other side of the glass; she merely placed one hand on her hip, nabbed the phone from Johnny before speaking into the dirty receiver,

"So - how's the big house treatin' ya?"

Johnny, per usual, flipped-out and instantly blurted her name in shock and disbelief at her question but BD was too busy laughing uproariously loud at the blunt statement.

Needless to say, he'd fallen for her just as fast as his son had, and truthfully, he couldn't have hand-chosen a better girl for his boy to be with.

Vivacious, loyal, and he instantly sensed the unconditional and incredibly fierce love she harbored toward Johnny. So whereas the species (and vast size) difference was a bit daunting, he knew the two would find a way to make it work, and had already it seemed. His faith in her was concreted by how she'd slipped her hand in Johnny's throughout the rest of that first meeting, both of them sat looking so damn content to be together, his heart ached in the best way possible.

"Hey BD, how are you?" Ash asked into her over-packed tote; bringing BD back to the present. Damn, he was losing himself to his recollections a lot this morning. It had to have been lack of sleep and coffee - had to be.

"Hey yourself, Ash. Eh, can't complain, I s'pose," he replied; smiling fondly as he watched the porcupine sidle up next to Johnny to help him finish packing; they always had such a watchable, natural chemistry.

Ash spoke up a moment later, icy blue eyes meeting his own over the heightening supplies filling the suitcase. "I uh, wanted to apologize - I know, it's such such short notice. So, yeah. Sorry."

"Don't be," BD was quick to reply.

"Still. Thanks. I wish we could have gotten Meena to watch 'em but she's busy working - Not that you aren't!" she chuckled, "I know how busy your shop's been lately and I know we're putting you out by asking without much of a warning. So, really, thank you." the porcupine shrugged almost sheepishly; slight shoulders lifting as she flashed him a crooked smile.

Ash's worrying about the work he'd miss at his mechanics shop that he re-opened (since jail was not somewhere he ever wanted to be again), was quite a sweet gesture. He knew money would be tight this month because of the missed work but he was quick to reassure his daughter-in-law with a flippant wave of his hand anyway. "Think nothin' of it, Ash. I'm always more than 'appy to watch the tykes."

"We'll make sure you get paid more than the work you'll miss. I know it hasn't been easy readjusting, so -" Johnny filled in.

BD interrupted, "Aw! Put off ya! I'm not making ya pay me ta watch mah own grandkids. That's bollocks!"

Johnny and Ash shared a look before Johnny spoke, "At least use our credit card to get food and take the kids to the movies or whatever to keep them busy so they don't drive ya too crazy."

Johnny quickly dug his credit card out from his wallet and handed it over.

Big Daddy looked at it, hesitating for a few seconds before reluctantly taking it. Their son could drain him from a month's wages on food alone - the kid was a bottomless pit - so them covering that aspect couldn't hurt.

"A'ight, but nothing else. Ya hear me?" BD waved the small rectangle of plastic as a teasing threat. They were very well-off financially and while he was doing them a favor, he owed them more than he could ever repay. Johnny using so much of his hard-earned money hiring lawyers and covering all the court costs - money he probably would never be able to repay back with his modest mechanic's wages. The money from his criminal enterprises and heists was long gone with the police interference so that wasn't even an option.

Johnny chuckled, "Yeah, yeah, Dad. I gotcha." he mused lightly before Ash grasped his hand to turn him back to their mountain of packing they still had yet to do.

With their attention elsewhere, BD had nothing to keep his own mind occupied. He took a second to slip their credit card in his wallet before he stole a glance at how precisely they were packing the suitcase. It looked almost second nature; something obviously they were used to.

Johnny and Ash's life was so hectic most times. Them gallivanting around the world was as normal as them breathing; the ease in which either of them could walk on a stage and sing in front of a stadium of screaming animals still shook him at times.

Sometimes, it made Johnny feel like a stranger.

Big Daddy having to confront just how much Johnny had changed throughout his journey - his career and all it entailed. Confronting the fact he was behind bars while it all happened made it a damn hard pill to swallow.

Five years passed slowly behind bars and the biggest regret about all his years in gangs reared its ugly head for jail was exactly as he expected: stifling, claustrophobic, boring, and the worst part was having to be away from his son. Not being able to see him growing up into adulthood, watching his singing career flourish, falling in love with an incredible woman, having a family of his own, and during it all, becoming the man BD always hoped he'd be…even more.

And he'd fucking missed most of it.

While Johnny went off making platinum records, selling out stadiums, and getting hitched with the girl of his dreams - BD was stuck behind bars. Johnny (and Ash when available) would visit often to tell them of any new goings-on, exciting plans, and fill them in on their lives. It wasn't freedom, but it was what kept him sane. Even behind glass, seeing the excitement on his son's face about a new album, tour, or telling him about his latest date with Ash, made his own personal hell worth it.

Since he was released, he'd striven to make up for lost time. Finally be the father he should have been for all those years; renewed desire to strive, spend as much time with his son but with Johnny's new schedule, it was hard.

At times, Johnny still felt like a stranger to him.

Here he was, this world famous singer and musician - a confident man instead of the shy, unsure teenager he used to be. Nearly his height and size by this point, older, wiser, and BD's heart lurched at how foolish he had been during Johnny's life. Pushing his son aside to make his own way in a criminal underworld that he'd introduced his son too. How reckless he had been - exposing his innocent son to things he shouldn't have seen, animals he never should have met.

Fuck, just what kind of father was he?

"Earth to Big Daddy - you copy?" Ash's sardonic voice broke through the clouds of anguish he nearly lost himself to.

BD chuckled, shaking his head and thanking God he hadn't done anything crazy like start crying, but damn, if his eyes didn't smart like crazy…

"Oi, 'orry, Ash. I should probably go get some coffee." he said to excuse his behavior.

"Guess now I know where Johnny gets that from," Ash chuckled but there was still a strange look on her face as if she didn't believe him but thankfully said nothing to push the issue.

Johnny cut in, "Here, dad," while handing him a laminated sheet of paper before Ash could start some questioning of her own.

"These are numbers of Moon, Rosita, and Meena, if ya need a break, they're good options. I reckon you know the numbers for the police or fire department," Ash said with a mirthless laugh, giving him that look which, even with her tiny size, scared the shit outta him. "I trust they won't need to be called…right?"

BD just smirked before uttering, "'Course not. I raised this one," he sent a thumb in Johnny's direction, "He turned out a'ight so I s'pose your little ones will be fine."

"I'll hold you to that."

"Oh, and some other things," Johnny smoothly cut in again, "We restocked the icebox and pantry with the kid's favorite foods that should last the week. Josh's backpack for school is hangin' by the door; his schedule is written on the bottom there." Johnny reached over and pointed it out on the sheet.

BD nodded his understanding.

"Make sure he does his homework, he tends to slack a bit with babysitters so you may have to remind him - if needed, ya can bribe him with the candy bars hidden on top of the fridge. " Johnny chuckled softly and the fondness in his voice had BD's throat tightening for he'd never cared much for Johnny's schoolwork.

Ash's phone suddenly rang and she quickly excused herself while Johnny steadily continued.

"Josh should be up by 7:15, he'll get dressed on his own but make sure he's eating breakfast - he likes cereal or scrambled eggs - by 7:30. Should give ya plenty of time to help AJ get up and ready for the day. School starts by 8:15 and make sure ya get back to the school no later than a quarter til 3 because parkin' is a headache otherwise." Johnny mentioned, counting imaginary items on his fingers as if reading off a checklist in his mind. "We also canceled AJ's playdates this week because we don't want ya having to just play chauffeur all day but other than that, should be easy. Nothing different than the other times ya watched 'em really. Order pizzas, take them to the movies on the weekends. Whatever ya think you want to handle."

BD smiled, wanting to berate his son for thinking he didn't remember that he had raised him and knew how to take care of kids, but he bit his tongue.

"Great - uh, I think that's it. I-I'll be back. I need to make sure we're not forgettin' anything important." Johnny mused before he was suddenly going up the stairs and leaving BD to his own devices - his mind drifting as he stared at the list in his hands.

Although Johnny and Ash's kids were a staple in his life now, he still recalled one of his brief episodes of hesitancy all those years ago about his son dating a porcupine; the impossibility of him getting grandkids.

While he loved Ash dearly and knew there was no other woman he preferred as a daughter-in-law, it was hard to watch their friends off having kids while Johnny and Ash stayed without. It didn't seem to bother the couple but he couldn't help but notice how Johnny interacted with his co-worker's children. He could tell how much Johnny wanted to be a father for the desire he harbored was one BD recalled on his own face all those years ago.

Big Daddy could not fault Johnny for falling for a girl outside his own species though. That was one of the things he had known about Johnny far before he ever met Ash. Johnny had always fancied girls much smaller than himself so shacking up with a porcupine was not surprising as it should have been.

Them having kids though - he was outright dumbfounded how they made that possible.

Adoption was never even something the large old-fashioned gorilla considered or even thought about. While it was indeed an option, it was one thing to acknowledge and another ballpark to wake up to Johnny and Ash showing up at his garage one morning with a tiny sleeping gorilla wrapped in a blanket. Their overjoyed faces showing signs of exhaustion as they presented the baby boy to him.

BD wouldn't lie - his first thought was they were fugitives that stole a kid from a hospital - well, until he noticed the kid was almost a year old by the size alone (if Johnny's tininess at birth was any indication). Ash still thought his wide eyes and accusations spewed henceforth into the cool morning air was as funny as hell (unlike her husband).

Once they brought Josh home, Johnny changed before his eyes. Proving himself to be a fantastic father; attentive, loving, giving little Josh his entire heart and seeing him in such a way reminded him of himself - well, at first.

Big Daddy was over the moon bringing his baby boy home.

Every smile, unintelligible babble, and giggle - hell, even when Johnny would cry, it was like beautiful music to his ears. Both he and his wife tending to the tiny needy gorilla every second of every day; making sure he was happy and kept out of trouble as he grew into a spirited toddler who was not afraid to scale their kitchen cabinets in search of a snack. As much as a handful as he was growing up, BD felt nothing but love for his son.

That all changed when his wife unexpectedly passed away.

Her death was so jarring and sudden he still felt he whiplash even today. Losing her had been severing the better part of his heart; she's the one that convinced him to permanently give up his reckless criminal ways in the first place. That amazing woman had been his salvation. Loving him regardless of his shady past and he'd in turn loved her so much that he pushed aside his criminal ways, gotten a real job, and did everything needed to support her and their new son. Then barely ten years after bringing Johnny home from the hospital, he was burying his wife in the ground.

Nothing was ever the same since. The loving father he once was was long gone; in his place this shell who resorted back to burglarizing and associating with criminal enterprises he promised he never would do again. The close call with the police he had in London had him leaving Europe for good and moving to America; hoping for a fresh start and better luck in a new country.

Perhaps here, the pain would dull - it didn't.

Lost in his own grief, he ignored Johnny; inwardly hating how his eyes were exactly the same shade of the woman he'd lost. Mannerisms, her accent (which differed from his own with her higher-class upbringing), and even her adoration of music was all contained inside his son.

Part of him hated it.

So, Big Daddy did all he could to groom his son into becoming more like himself yet Johnny was as stubborn as he was; wanting nothing to do with his 'business' he'd created but BD kept pushing him in hopes that Johnny wouldn't have a choice and give in eventually. Guilting him into helping out, surreptitiously become part of the gang in a seamless transition. Never noticing where Johnny's real passions lay just underneath the surface, and truthfully, not caring to learn who Johnny had become against his every wish.

How Johnny's musical passions shouldn't have been a surprise but it's amazing what you can convince yourself of when the grief is so stifling…

"Dammit," Ash exclaimed upon walking back into the room; thankfully announcing herself before she caught him spacing out. "Ugh! Seriously?! Why can't these airports make up their freakin' minds?" she muttered into the screen of her cell phone.

"Somethin' wrong?" BD asked, standing to his feet.

Ash lifted her eyes to look at him; a sheepish smile on her face before she answered, "Sorry, BD. I wanted to wait 'til the kids woke up before we left, but our plane apparently wasn't delayed after all."

"What's happening, Love?" Johnny asked while descending the steps.

"Looks like our original flight is back on." Ash informed without looking up from her phone.

Johnny's eyes flicked to the clock on the wall, "Oh. Well, guess we oughta be going then."

"Yeah. Better hurry too." Ash sighed, rubbing her tired eyes before reaching for a bag but Johnny grabbed it before her paw made contact with the strap. She flashed her husband a gentle smile as he started to head toward the door before stopping by the bottom of the steps.

BD say the hesitancy in Johnny and them having to leave sooner than expected; the way he bit his lip and froze for a moment. Ash must have noticed as well for she walked back to him and gently grasped his hand.

"We'll call them tonight." Ash said and BD noticed the obvious sadness lacing her tone as they went back to the task of carrying their bags to the car.

BD quietly helped them load the truck up; packing their suitcases and her guitar cases gingerly into the bed of the truck before bidding them goodbye before he made his way back toward the house.

Oh his way there, he felt pertinent ache deep in his chest. Perhaps in recalling so much he thought he buried further down; all he missed of his son's life was now an almost constant weight on his chest that only seemed to be increasing in density.

As much as he apologized to his son regarding words and actions, it never seemed to be enough. Johnny forgiving him didn't matter because for fuck's sake, he couldn't forgive himself. Perhaps never would but it didn't mean that he'd done enough to make it up to Johnny - as if he ever could.

Yet as he watched Johnny load the last bag, Big Daddy knew he had to say something before his heart exploded!

"Johnny, wait!" he called after his boy who was helping Ash climb into the tall truck bed.

Johnny didn't respond, just turned back to his wife and gave her a quick kiss before returning to the porch where BD waited with a wide smile.

"What is it, dad?" he asked upon closing the distance between them.

Big Daddy didn't answer verbally; instead, he pulled his son into his arms, pressing his face into his shoulder and holding him as tightly as his arms allowed. Palm cupping the back of his precious child's head to firmly hold him in place.

In that telling moment, BD couldn't help but recall the similar hug those many years ago after his son's performance. Unlike that time though, there wasn't the fear and anxiety of being caught. the repercussions of breaking out of prison or even his son pushing him away - as much as he deserved it. It was nothing but pride filling his chest much like it did that night, but this time, it was for a much deeper reason.

Witnessing the man his son had become; the husband, father, and man BD could never be…

…and that was okay.

"I'm so proud of you, Johnny." he whispered into his son's ear.

Slowly, he felt Johnny's arms wrapping around him in return, "Thanks, dad." was Johnny's whimpered reply and BD's lips quirked at his emotional son.

Before he could second guess himself, he pulled back, hands on Johnny's shoulders and just looked at him. Taking him in as if it was for the first time since that moment behind dirty glass - the moment he disowned him - aka, the worst mistake of his life.

Yet instead of a hunched over teenager scared to death about his reaction, Johnny was now in his early thirties, hair lightened considerably on the back of his neck and top of his head. Chestnut brown eyes deeper set with the responsibilities of fatherhood and a hectic career, but still as bright and beautiful as ever and damn, BD was so fucking proud of him.

"Ya better drive safely. Put on your seatbelts, keep lookin' at yer mirrors and always watch out for those other idiot drivers - they're bloody giving licenses away anymore - watch yourself and your wife."

Johnny smiled fondly, "Of course, dad."

"Oh, and ya better call me the second your plane lands in Tokyo - let me know you two are safe n' sound."

"Sure," Johnny chuckled, eyes still welling with unshed tears but this time, they were happy.

Before he could care about his pride which he pushed aside years ago, BD pulled Johnny back into his arms, roughly kissing the side of his head before whispering in his ear, "...I love you, son. So much."

Johnny's arms tightened around him, "I love you too, dad."

"Hey, I hate to break up this hug fest, but we're gonna be late!" Ash shouted out her window; giving BD a wink and a wave as Johnny jumped with a start.

"Ya sure are. Sorry yer old man kept ya up - don't keep yer bride waitin' any longer." BD said around a smile that was so big, it was making his cheeks ache. Pulling back, the larger gorilla held his son at arm's length to continue to look at him in awe; hands grasping at his shoulders that he hesitated to release.

Dammit, all those years of wanting Johnny to be like him - a criminal, a bloody thief when he was born to do so much more. BD felt like the biggest fool in the world for ever thinking otherwise…

"Right." Johnny started awkwardly; gently moving out of his grasp but not before giving him a pat on the shoulder. "We'll be back in a week."

"Remember to call me the second you get there!" he demanded, emotion welling inside of him as he yelled the words at Johnny's retreating back.

"I will!"

Ash gave him a wave as Johnny got in the truck, fastened his seat-belt and checked the mirrors before taking off with a quiet purr of the engine.

Silently, BD watched them drive away; his eyes staying steadfast on the truck until it disappeared out of sight. Heart pounding and smile never leaving his lips as he walked back inside the house, chest feeling lighter than he had in a long time.

"Josh! AJ! Grandpa's here!" he bellowed upon closing the front door.

In hindsight, he knew he probably should have let them sleep, the sun was barely kissing the horizon after all, but he couldn't help it. Given the fact he heard hushed giggling from the top of the stairs when he walked in the door already confirmed both kids were awake and only laying low until their parents left.

BD didn't bother hiding the uproarious laughter that burst forth when the two came bounding down the stairs and eagerly jumping into his awaiting arms.

"GRANDPA!" Josh squealed, hugging his grandpa around his thick middle.

"Pandpa!" AJ squeaked happily as she hopped up and down.

BD hugged them fiercely, picking them up and plopping himself down on the couch and setting them on his lap. As he held these precious children close to his chest, he couldn't help but just absorb this wonderful moment. To be free from those harsh white walls and bars, of grueling boredom and disgusting meals made it worth it to be here right here and now. A whole week to spend with his grandkids, buying pizzas and watching movies; nothing but pure bliss after years of hell.

He pulled back, smiling at his grandchildren. Josh towering over his much smaller porcupine sister but her personality (much like her mother's) made up for her demure size. They looked up at him with such adoration and love he never would deserve.

"What are we gonna do this week, grandpa?" Josh's emerald eyes were filled with excitement and BD couldn't help but brush back his soft little tufts of brown hair before answering.

Quickly eating up the role while putting a thoughtful finger to his chin as he murmured, "Hmm, I'm not sure…"

AJ was jittery and bouncing on his knee and blurting out, "PAH-K!" BD knew meant 'park' with her still learning her 'r's.

"What about the movies?" Josh suggested, "There's a really great one that jus' came out!"

"I dunno…" he drawled with a badly-concealed smirk. "Maybe we'll just stay 'ere all weekend and ya guys can watch some educational shows on the telly."

The look of horror on Josh's face was well worth the teasing.

"Just 'joshin' ya!" BD gently poked the young gorilla's soft belly, who squealed in laughter at the action, "Get it? Joshin? Eh, but still, I don't hear ya asking politely."

"Please!" Josh begged with folded hands and a pleading smile.

"Pwease!" AJ mimicked as best she could, glittery brown eyes and huge pouty bottom lip. It was no wonder Johnny was wrapped around her teeny little finger.

Big Daddy smiled at the kids in his lap who were eagerly awaiting his answer. He finally did with a shrug and uttered, "Eh, I guess we can go to the park and cinema..."

Josh and AJ's squeals of excitement was short lived when BD began mercilessly tickling them.

Their combined frantic laughter echoing throughout the room causing BD to glance up at the pictures on the wall. So many memories and images portraying parenthood; his own echoing throughout his head and while he couldn't turn back time and be the father he should have been, he knew at the very least, he could be the best grandpa ever. He was for damn sure gonna keep making up for lost time with Johnny as well.

After all, there was now plenty of time to make up for it.

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