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jenscx · 2 months ago

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APPLE CIDER — nakamura kazuha

you’ve fallen in love with many things, like the mango ice-blend down the street, the weather after a rainy day and the puppy that you see on your morning walk. but nothing’s been easier to fall in love with than yunjin’s roommate.

tags fluff, sprinkle of angst, kinda crack fic, non-idol au, jealousy, non-established relationship, falling in love, my puppy zuha agenda, mentions of lesserafim and ive members, squint for annyeongz, basketballer!zuha that appears for one sec, mentions of drinking, cursing

wordcount 10.9k

you’re well-accustomed to yunjin’s antics. she constantly gets you into trouble, either embarrassing you or just involving you in her pranks. like doing silly tiktok trends on your friends or random strangers. you still feel a shiver of mortification when you recall the situations you’ve been roped into.

yet, as yunjin’s self-proclaimed best friend, this might be the worst thing she’s ever done.

the girl had forced, or in her words, heavily encouraged you to find a new roommate this semester. you think it’s because she’s tired of you nagging her for not doing the dishes. anyway, despite your reluctance, you managed to befriend someone from your social politics class and become her roommate. chaewon was like a breeze of fresh air from yunjin. sure, yunjin was your best friend, but it felt incredible to have some peace and quiet in the apartment for once.

chaewon was constantly out for practice with her cheer team which gave you some alone time to just unwind, something that you didn’t have the luxury of when dorming with yunjin. despite the newly formed distance between you and yunjin, the latter had still managed to see you almost every day. she was dorming alone because her previous roommate left the school, causing administration to give her the whole apartment. what would normally be a gift, was a punishment for yunjin, who could not survive a day without human interaction.

hence, she insisted on coming over to your dorm almost daily. it was common to just find her lazing on the couch when you came back from classes, or seeing her back at the kitchen counter, cooking something.

which brings you to your current situation of standing out in the sun, groceries in hand, in front of yunjin’s door. it was a whole other building from your block and the weather was particularly harsh today. you tap your foot impatiently, teeth gnawing on the inside of your cheek. the paper bags were heavy, filled with a variety of ingredients that yunjin demanded you buy. apparently she was hosting some sort of dinner. you had no clue what the girl was doing half the time.

yet, with the designated role of yunjin’s best friend, you had to skip out on lunch with chaewon to visit her dorm. sighing, you call yunjin’s phone again, but to no avail. as it rings, you press the doorbell again. why wasn’t yunjin answering? she literally told you to come earlier but was she even at home?

groaning, you thump your head against the door. as it hits the wooden frame, the door swings open, and the force nearly makes you topple over.

“motherfu—”

“oh my god, i’m so sorry!” you immediately halt in your curses. this wasn’t yunjin’s loud, boisterous voice. it was smooth and sweet. and in a different language.

you tilt your head up, almost gasping at the stranger. your body was crouched down, but even from below, you could tell she was tall. maybe almost as tall as yunjin. her doe eyes were wide with shock and her glossy lips were parted. stunned in silence, you hastily get back up. clearing your throat, you bow your head slightly, “i’m so sorry.”

as you lift your head, you realise something.

the girl only had a towel wrapped around her.

blood rushes straight to your head. you feel your entire body burn with embarrassment as you look away swiftly.

“uh— sorry,” the girl mumbles, “who are you?”

you gulp, still facing away, “i’m looking for huh yunjin.”

“oh, i’m her roommate,” she says. you turn back to her, gaping. since when did yunjin have a roommate? that girl had some explaining to do.

“you can come in,” the girl stands aside, her dark hair still dripping, “i’ll just, uh, go change.” you nod stiffly before walking in. the apartment hasn’t changed much from the last time you came. yet, there was a new addition to the framed photos perched on the shelves. you place the bags of groceries onto the kitchen island and walk back to the living room. as yunjin’s roommate heads into her room, you observe the photograph.

it holds a background of cherry blossom trees and standing in front of the wood is a young girl, reminiscent of yunjin’s roommate. if you had to guess, she would probably be eleven or twelve in the photo. even when she was young, she was already pretty. you couldn’t deny that fact. from her crinkled eyes to the curve of her lips, you wondered what her parents looked like to be able to birth such a cute kid.

the sound of a door creaking open pulls you away from the photo. yunjin’s roommate was now dressed in an oversized t-shirt that reached the top of her knees. a small towel was flung over her head, draping her hair.

you decide it’s now an appropriate time to introduce yourself.

“sorry for barging in like that,” you grimace, holding out a hand, “i’m y/n, yunjin’s friend. she told me to come over and i wasn’t expecting to see someone new.”

the girl nods, “i’m kazuha, nakamura kazuha.” her korean sounds a little hesitant and you note it off as her being a foreigner. she added, “yunjin’s roommate.”

“ah, i didn’t know she had a new roommate,” you say sheepishly. it was definitely yunjin’s fault here but you still didn’t want a pretty girl’s first impression of you to be so ridiculous.

“it’s okay,” kazuha says thoughtfully, “i moved in… maybe three days ago?”

no wonder yunjin hasn’t said anything to you.

“i see.”

silence falls between you two and kazuha strides to the couch, flopping onto it.

“do you want to sit?”

it’s cute— the way she offers. as if it’s your first time coming over. despite your amusement, you humour her and sit down, a distance away from her.

“are you from japan?” you decide to ask. it’s a good conversation starter in your opinion. if the cherry blossoms didn’t indicate her ethnicity, the startled japanese that escaped her previously was a dead giveaway.

“mhm,” she hums, “i’m from osaka.”

this piques your interest.

“oh, i heard that people from osaka are funny,” you state. it was probably from an instagram reel that yunjin had shown you weeks ago.

kazuha shrugs, “i think i’m okay.”

somehow, even though she didn’t mean for it to be funny, you still find yourself chuckling uncontrollably. kazuha stares at you, probably weirded out, but too nice to say it.

“sorry,” you apologise again, “it’s just the way you said it.”

she frowns, “maybe i’m funnier than i thought.”

“yeah,” you smile, “you are.”

kazuha peers blankly at the unmoving tv screen, suddenly finding the black void to be very interesting. you decide to break the tension once again by asking, “do you know when yunjin’s coming back?”

“uh, no. i told her i was going to shower. she just left,” kazuha replies in broken sentences.

you sigh, defeated. checking your phone again, there’s a flurry of texts from the girl.

y/n 🤓 [4.16pm]:

open up

hey.

girl open up rn

hello??

are u srs

i’m gna break down ur door

yunjin 😍🥰 [4.47pm]:

OMGGG DONT DO THAT

im COMING

WAIT A MIN

ARE U WITH MY ROOMMATE?

glancing at the messages again, you decide it’s probably useless to reply and you turn off your phone, choosing to focus on the restless girl next to you. leaning back on the couch, you take the opportunity to admire her features. even in your haste, you managed to spot the sharpness of her collarbones and jawline. now, facing away from you, you could evidently see her broad shoulders and the bobbling of her throat when she swallowed.

damn, god did have his favourites.

“what are you majoring in?” you ask.

kazuha flinches slightly before answering, “dance.”

“oh, that’s…” you mumble lamely, “cool.”

she smiles, “what about you?”

she has a pretty smile too.

“bio medical.”

“you don’t look like a science person,” kazuha remarks. you can only raise an eyebrow. did she mean you look dumb? as if sensing your inner thoughts, she continues, “you look like you major in the arts.”

as you’re about to say something, the front door barges open, revealing a sweaty and panting yunjin who looks like she just ran a marathon. you scrunch your nose at the girl who only points an accusing finger at you, “choi y/n, you left me on read!”

raising your hands in mock innocence, “that’s not a crime.”

“it is when you’re corrupting my sweet zuha here!” yunjin exclaims, almost throwing herself over the coffee table into kazuha’s body. the girl jolts and swerves away as yunjin collapses on the couch.

“ew, you’re getting your sweat everywhere,” you huff, smacking yunjin on her back, “and i wasn’t corrupting anybody. i’m trying to have a nice conversation, right kazuha?”

the mentioned girl only nods hesitantly, her eyes wide and full of surprise. yunjin moans, “she told me she was going to shower and the next moment you text me. my roommate was naked and vulnerable and you’re a raging homo. i was connecting the dots!”

your entire face heats up as you recall the humiliating experience, probably worse for kazuha who looks like she’s about to faint.

“you didn’t connect shit!” you scoff as yunjin climbs onto you, gripping your hand. pushing her off and dusting your clothes, you flick her forehead, “i bought your things for you, so hurry up and pay me back.”

yunjin pouts, “isn’t my presence payment enough?”

you give kazuha the stink eye as she stifles a laugh.

“no,” you deadpan, “pay up.”

your best friend merely sighs and pulls out her phone, transferring you fifty thousand won.

“anyway,” yunjin turns to kazuha cheerfully, “wanna stay for dinner, roomie?”

through an extremely awkward and silent dinner which mostly consisted of yunjin talking, you learn that due to some flight issues, kazuha could only attend school at its midpoint. even from a glance, you could tell the girl was timid and shy but the language barrier only further strained her social skills. additionally, she had been forced into rooming with yunjin. the shocked expressions she carried whenever yunjin did something strange only attested to her unfamiliarity with the girl.

despite their lack of closeness, yunjin still somehow manages to carry the conversation smoothly. you juggle between checking on kazuha and admiring your best friend’s ability to be so shameless.

“zuha,” yunjin mumbles through a spoonful of rice, “do you like blackpink? or are you a bts fan?”

you scoff at yunjin’s obsessive question. it was so evident that she wanted to ensure kazuha was a fan akin to her.

kazuha, however, brightens up and instead exclaims cheerfully, “i’m a blink!”

you can only guffaw at the incredulous look yunjin carries.

“me too,” you say, filling in the previous silence due to yunjin’s despair, “i like jisoo.”

“really?!” kazuha gasps, “my bias is jennie!”

as you converse with kazuha about blackpink’s unfortunate absence, yunjin only grumbles and stuffs her face full of food.

it’s been a few weeks since you first met kazuha. yunjin constantly invites you over rather than going to your dorm because she needs her two favourite people in the same space or whatever. you’re pretty certain she said the same thing to chaewon the other day. the older girl had also been introduced to kazuha, albeit begrudgingly because according to chaewon, anyone that spends time with yunjin willingly was probably a spawn of the devil. you don’t necessarily disagree.

you spend your day studying and going to classes, and your nights playing mario kart and monopoly with your friends. yunjin had proudly declared friday to be the designated game night and somehow, chaewon managed to persuade another person into joining. just when you thought you would survive the hangouts, with the newest addition of sakura, who always beats yunjin and chaewon in video games, your chances of being able to hear diminishes every night. it’s something you can connect to kazuha with. the presence of the older japanese has gradually caused kazuha to warm up.

it’s a little silly how shy and sheepish the girl was at the beginning, but now after spending time with everyone, it’s normal to hear rapid fire korean erupt from her mouth. you often find her indulging in arguments with yunjin about the best ice cream flavour or which dog breed was the cutest. yunjin vouches for golden retrievers while kazuha vouches for samoyeds. you think they both remind you of puppies— overeager, almost towering puppies with too much energy.

if yunjin was loud, unashamedly herself, kazuha would be the opposite. you would see her staring into space, muttering to herself. it’s endearing watching how her eyes light up as sakura explains the basics of super smash bros to her. you learn that she didn’t have much of a free childhood, having to attend ballet lessons instead of going to sleepovers and playing video games.

“so you’ve never played super smash bros?” it’s funny the way kazuha cowers at the sight of sakura, who’s grasping her shoulders and shaking her intensely. as kazuha recovers, she mumbles feebly, “no… i didn’t even know it existed.”

her response only lights a fire within sakura who vows to make kazuha the best super smash bros player to ever exist. after her, of course. and somehow, it become a routine to also find sakura and kazuha huddled up in front of the television on the floor, both insistently smashing the buttons on the joycon. sometimes you stay and watch their games, other times you head into yunjin’s room to study. most of the time, you stay for dinner. chaewon has become expectant of your message popping up, reminding her that you won’t be home until after dinner. it’s normal that you would end up staying the night at yunjin’s now. yet, the close proximity with her roommate doesn’t aid you in your quest to befriend her at all.

almost every time you see her, it’s like meeting a distant relative. awkward. stifling. you’re always unsure of what to say. sometimes you wish you could run your mouth like yunjin, blabbing about random nonsense without any shame. but it’s difficult to talk to kazuha alone. at least in a group environment, you would have someone else to rely on.

you’re lounging on the couch again, biting the tip of your pen as you read through the numerous textbooks and notes for your upcoming test. too engrossed in your revision, you don’t notice the door swinging open.

hence, when a gush of hot air breezes past your ear, you jump. the fear dissipates any form of hesitance you have. swirling around, you clutch your chest as you reprimand, “don’t sneak up on me like that!”

kazuha only stares at you with wide eyes, a smug smile plastered across her face. you’ve seen her with that expression countless times now, always during game night when she wins second place in mario kart.

“are you studying?”

“yeah,” you scoff, still trying to calm your racing heart. your thick, black-framed glasses have almost slid down your nose entirely. pushing them up, you sigh, “back from practice?”

the girl nods. another new development. instead of joining the dance team— which you’re certain kazuha would be amazing in, she decided to join basketball with yunjin. a strange decision, no doubt, but the way yunjin speaks about kazuha during games makes it seem like she’s the next lebron. unfortunately your busy schedule hasn’t wavered at all, so you couldn’t attend any of their games this semester.

“yunjin tackled me today,” kazuha pouts. you allow yourself to pat her head encouragingly, “isn’t that a foul?”

“she said it was an accident,” the girl shrugs. it’s kind of believable. yunjin is clumsy and you have been on the receiving end of her tendency to fall on you. perhaps that was mistaken as a tackle.

you ruffle her hair, not minding the sweat dripping down from her bangs at all. it’s a little attractive seeing kazuha all sweaty.

“maybe it really was an accident,” you comment. kazuha’s face immediately turns sour. for a girl that is able to maintain her cheery look most of the time, seeing the drastic change in her facial expression makes you panic.

“ah… i meant…”

“why are you taking yunjin’s side over mine?” kazuha asks and god— you feel sorry for using his name in vain, but oh my god, kazuha whines. you’ve never seen her this way before.

you resist the urge to coo at her, knowing that she would only take it as an insult to her pride.

“yunjin’s clumsy,” you state, “and she wouldn’t harm you intentionally.”

kazuha turns away, still sulking, “i guess…”

she looks like a puppy who just received a scolding and if she had dog ears, they definitely would be drooping down now. you internally giggle at her cuteness.

“forgive the giraffe this one time, okay? i’ll scold her if she tackles you again,” you say, smiling. kazuha swerves back, nodding fervently, “yes, please do that.”

even though there’s barely an age gap between you and kazuha, you still feel a ravangeous need to protect the girl, as if she was a baby. sometimes you forget that kazuha’s not used to the culture here and you get to admire the childlike curiosity in her eyes. it’s an interesting sight to see, like she was experiencing her first life. you wonder, in the back of your mind, if you ever existed in her past ones.

there’s a lingering silence left after, almost a twinge of awkwardness in the air. you’re not sure what else to say to kazuha. but maybe she doesn’t feel the same— her body, lax, as she heads towards the washroom, humming what seems to be the melody of ‘playing with fire’. you laugh internally at her fanatic side. even if it’s not as overbearing as yunjin’s, kazuha definitely still is a dedicated fan. one time, you had to wake kazuha up from her nap, only to discover that her walls were lined with posters. maybe yunjin and kazuha bonded so easily over their love for their idols.

you hear the distant ruffling of the shower curtain and then the sound of water droplets splashing against the floor. leaning back into the couch, you try to resume your revision, eyes swarming over the textbooks sprawled all over. your efforts are fruitful, at first. at least you understand most of the content but eventually, your eyelids grow heavy and the muscles in your hand ache. taking a deep breath, you bring a sole textbook up, reading the paragraphs of definitions and explanations.

soon, your breathing turns slow and there’s an overwhelming need for your eyes to close. darkness fills your vision as your body slackens, sinking deeper into the softness of yunjin’s couch.

there’s a distant shuffling sound, far away from your ears. as you dream about emptiness, a warm embrace is thrown over your body, enveloping and engulfing your limbs in a tight hug.

sometimes you think that kazuha doesn’t like you. it’s a harrowing worry that creeps its way into your heart when kazuha sends you a hesitant smile after you had offered to go to the library together. it made sense to you— she needed to research something and you needed to complete your thesis. but that stupid smile followed by, “no, it’s fine. i’m meeting someone,” nearly breaks your heart. it’s a stupid feeling caused by an even stupider reason.

by no means are you jealous that kazuha’s going out with someone else, it’s just her rejection of you heading to the library together. why else would kazuha say no if she didn’t like you? was it that she couldn’t even bear the ten minute walk to the library? you had only swallowed harshly, trying to tide your tears over by looking back down at your textbook. yunjin’s in the kitchen, singing joyfully while she bakes a cake for whatever reason; you might have heard her mention that it was for somi’s birthday or whatever. thus, you can’t hide behind yunjin now.

you’ve never been so upset and bothered by a rejection before. and it was just a trip to the library together. yet, the feeling buries itself in your stomach, dragging it down into a bottomless pit while you bear it.

“have fun,” is what you reply. it’s dry but you can’t really bring yourself to act all excited and happy. just as kazuha’s about to leave, backpack in hand and her hair tied into two cute braids, she takes one look at you.

“are you okay?”

the concern in her voice feels uncomfortable, sheathing under your skin and prickling your veins.

“why wouldn’t i be?” you respond. kazuha only shrugs and waves goodbye while you resort to moping on the couch.

when yunjin calls for you to taste the cake, she doesn’t mention the hint of dried tears clinging below your eyelashes, only wrapping an arm around your shoulder and feeding you the dessert.

but she breaks the spell immediately when she blurts out, “cheer up, honeybun.”

“who the fuck is honeybun?” you retort, disgusted, momentarily forgetting about whatever had just transpired.

kazuha’s first instinct when she hears a series of knocks and shouts from outside the apartment is to answer the door. her hastiness causes her to momentarily forget that all she had on was a towel wrapped snugly around her body, fresh out of the shower. she unfortunately doesn’t hesitate when her hands tug around the door knob, revealing a girl who nearly falls in.

“oh my god, i’m so sorry!” kazuha shrieked as the random girl toppled over, almost hitting her bare chest.

and due to her stunted ability to converse in korean, kazuha couldn’t express herself too well, opting for short replies rather than accidentally saying something wrong. hence, she chose to sit beside you, who she just learnt is her roommate’s best friend, without speaking a word. perhaps you were perturbed by the silence and decided to ease the tension by asking kazuha some basic questions. yet, when faced with your curious, bright eyes, kazuha had no words to say.

this went on for a few days. the first few times you came over, kazuha only watched you from her room (not in a creepy way! she was just shy) and never initiated a conversation. she managed to talk to you once. just once. alone— when you had stumbled into their apartment while kazuha was just finishing her workout. you mentioned that there was a storm going on outside and if you went back home, you would be drenched. kazuha would never want anyone to be sick and thus, she lends you her freshly washed clothes to wear since yunjin’s clothes were too big.

because of your height difference, kazuha’s clothes are still a little oversized but she thinks you look really cute in the university sweater. she had managed to strike up a conversation about your classes, learning that you didn’t really talk to anyone outside of your small social circle and most of your friends were introduced by yunjin. kazuha expects it, the taller girl was easily the most extroverted person she knew and the social butterfly had a ton of friends around campus. yet, kazuha’s still surprised that you didn’t have many friends— you were a really nice and pretty girl, so why wouldn’t people want to be friends with you? she chalks it up as them being intimidated by you, her being a victim as well.

but don’t worry, she’s no longer intimidated by your presence, just a little shy! sometimes you ask to walk together back to yunjin’s dorm, now unofficially yours as well considering the fact that you spend most of your days there instead of your own. kazuha has heard multiple calls from chaewon, demanding to know where you were and if you got kidnapped. she’s not extremely sure why you decide to spend both your weekdays and weekends in their dorms but she has humoured the thought that perhaps you and yunjin were dating. it would certainly explain why you looked so comfortable latching onto the taller girl and when it’s someone like chaewon touching you—

kazuha shakes her head, knowing that thought was incredulous. yunjin herself had told her so firmly and openly that nothing would ever happen between you and her but kazuha still held her doubts. most of the time, kazuha’s unable to reply to your remarks or quips, merely mumbling, “okay,” in the lamest possible way ever. she hates the way your smile drops ever so slightly and the furrow in your eyebrows but she genuinely has no idea how to talk to you.

like that one time, kazuha remembers vividly. lisa’s new song had just dropped and the moment your eyes met hers, you instantly started rambling about the music video. because of her vigorous training beforehand, kazuha barely heard a word you said and she wasn’t that confident with korean either to register the rapid-fire words battering at her.

“wait— can you stop?” the words had come out blunt and direct, definitely not her intention, but your facial expression had softened and you nodded bashfully.

kazuha didn’t want you to stop talking but apparently her words had the opposite effect since you had gotten up from the couch and sauntered off into yunjin’s bedroom.

left alone in the living room, she doesn’t realise that she basically chased you away due to her fatigue, not until you emerge from yunjin’s bedroom again to leave the apartment entirely.

“where are you going?” she blurted out.

you shrugged, “back to my own dorm. i wanna see chaewon.”

kazuha didn’t know what else to reply with, so she just left it as that. hours later, when yunjin comes back from eating dinner with the rest of the team (something kazuha has skipped out on to go home early instead), she gets a light scolding to think before she speaks. kazuha knows now that her words were careless and insensitive but she doesn’t want to blame it on the language barrier.

or maybe that other time when you initiated going to the library together. kazuha already made plans with this other girl in her class called minji and she didn’t want to invite you without minji’s approval first. so the best idea at hand was to reject your invitation, right?

wrong.

the dimmed look in your eyes causes guilt to gnaw in her chest and she instantly regrets her decision. the text message of you lying on yunjin’s shoulder, sent by her roommate, passed out and sleeping, only drives the feeling further. minji had nudged her, asking if she was okay. but kazuha merely nods, not knowing what else she would be— if not okay.

she gets this emotion sometimes; not overwhelming her body but it’s sort of like a quiet hum that keeps her in a trance. she doesn’t know what to call it but she realises it’s been happening around you lately. maybe kazuha just likes the comfort you bring, like an older sister. but it doesn’t feel the same with others. sakura, the closest person kazuha can call family, the feelings that come with her are like a warm embrace. it envelopes her into the feeling of being back home. home as in japan. with her lulling words of kazuha’s mother tongue, it transports her back to osaka.

or like with yunjin, who kazuha considers as one of her closest friends. she can’t call yunjin her best friend since she’s sure that spot is heavily guarded by you but yunjin definitely matters a lot to her. yunjin keeps her safe. she makes her feel comfortable. like a pet, almost? that one family dog that kazuha wishes could stay with her forever.

chaewon, kazuha thinks she’s like an older sister. protective and possessive, even though kazuha doesn’t know her very well. chaewon makes sure to take care of her and whenever she sees kazuha in the hallway, there’s a sweet smile on her face. the older girl also manages to always ask if kazuha has eaten or not, which kazuha appreciates greatly since she easily forgets her meals.

but with you, kazuha doesn’t understand anything. she can’t read you easily compared to yunjin who wears her heart on her sleeve. she knows when you’re upset though, and most of the time, it happens because of her. it’s difficult for her to predict your emotions. you make her feel risky. like she’s dangling on the edge of something, ready to fall any time now.

she gets this feeling when she leaves you alone on the couch. she gets this feeling when you leave her alone on the couch. somehow the couch is always involved.

she gets this feeling when she spots you walking out of the lecture hall, someone’s grip on your elbow and her body fitting snugly to yours. kazuha doesn’t know what to say. she just stares as you laugh at whatever the girl says. the girl’s tall, kazuha notes. her short dark hair framing her face perfectly and giving kazuha a good view of how attractive she is. her eyes are crinkled into an eye smile and her dimples are as deep as the ocean.

you don’t notice kazuha since she’s standing by a corner, wondering if she truly meant to witness this intimate scene between you and someone else. kazuha wonders if that girl is your girlfriend. she wonders why you always hang out at their dorm, despite having a girlfriend. she wonders if yunjin knows and has met your girlfriend.

(not that she’s jealous or anything! she’s just interested in your life! as a friend!)

that same night— a friday, kazuha might add, their friday, game night friday— you don’t show up. she’s been waiting for half an hour now, her eyelids heavy and about to close when yunjin hears her phone ping. kazuha snaps out of it as yunjin reads loudly for everyone to hear, “y/n said she’s not coming. something about having plans already.”

kazuha resists the urge to pout while sakura and chaewom both groan audibly.

“she couldn’t have said that sooner?” sakura grumbles while she starts the mario kart round, her joycon moving rapidly to select the stage. just as the light turns green, kazuha glances at your empty seat and suddenly, she gets that feeling again.

“must be yujinie,” chaewon remarks and kazuha suddenly strange. despite being in her own home, she feels unfamiliar. who is this yujinie? why did chaewon know her too? did everyone just know your girlfriend before she came? kazuha bites the inside of her cheek as she passes the finish line, a few seconds after sakura. in the background, she hears yunjin and chaewon arguing. it all becomes muffled once she stares at the untouched bowl of popcorn you would usually be eating.

she doesn’t know if it’s normal to feel this way— like her lungs are collapsing in on themselves and she can’t breathe properly through her nose. it is normal to feel this way? about a friend? were you even considered to be a friend? maybe an acquaintance at best? kazuha has no clue what’s going on. all of her emotions and feelings feel out of reach and she’s gasping for control.

“zuha, are you okay?” a warm hand lingers on her shoulder. kazuha looks up from her spot on the carpet. it’s sakura, whose face is full of concern while yunjin and chaewon are still bickering.

“yes, i’m fine,” kazuha tries to smile and she even responds in japanese, being as sincere as possible. sakura nods before saying, “you can tell us anything, okay?”

(“i did not cause you to become twelfth— you just suck at mario kart!”

“say that to the thousands of blue shells you threw! you knew i was in front of you!”)

kazuha sighs, “it’s okay. i can deal with it.”

she doesn’t think she wants sakura to know of her feelings yet. not when she doesn’t know anything herself.

the athletes running up and down the long expanse of the basketball court never fails to amaze you. their stamina is extraordinary, having to sprint laps like that would surely have you gasping for air. if you had to go through such a routine, it would definitely have you on a hospital stretcher at the end of the day.

your eyes trail to the group of girls, huddled together with enormous sign boards covered in an assortment of decorations. you recognise some of the names, mostly since yunjin likes to babble about her teammates. one even had yunjin’s name and a cut out of her face glued onto it— you would definitely make fun of her later for it.

“hey,” chaewon slides smoothly into the seat next to you, “how was class?”

you groan immediately just thinking about the horrendous tutorials you had to endure in the morning. at least it was a morning class which gave you the leeway to come watch yunjin’s first game of the season. and kazuha’s too, but you haven’t seen much of her recently. after what you would call the library fiasco, you decided that being angsty and upset over a simple rejection was too immature and childish. hence, it would be best for you to step away for a while, lest you say something rude to kazuha because of your inability to control your own emotions.

“choi y/n! kim chaewon!” your head swerves to face the court. yunjin’s hand is outstretched and waving excitedly at you two. guffawing, you wave back while chaewon rolls her eyes, “does she have to say our full names like that?”

just as your hand falls, kazuha walks up to yunjin, conversing with her in hushed whispers. yunjin instantly jumps, jogging away from the benches and towards the centre of the court. your heart accelerates when the doors bang open. the other university team strolls in, all with their chins high, dignified and confident. you can only hope that yunjin holds the same conviction. you don’t really pay attention to the other team warming up and luckily, you had brought your textbooks along. using the spare time, you skim through your notes again, until chaewon nudges you.

everyone on court was in position and once the whistle blows, yunjin jumps upwards, reaching out for the ball. your eyes widen as she basically levitates in the sky for a good five seconds— you didn’t know yunjin could jump so high. even with her height, she was two heads taller than the opposing player. cheers sound out from the stands and you can’t help but shout yunjin’s name.

you watch intently as yunjin dribbles the ball down the court, passing it between her teammates. just as she’s about to finish a layup, the opposing player leaps forward, blocking her attempt. chaewon lets out an undistinguished groan as yunjin scrambles to regain possession of the ball. suddenly, a blurry flash of blue, your school’s team uniform colour, passes by and snatches the ball. kazuha strides all the way to the other side with precision and grace, dodging all the defenders agily.

you remain mum when everyone else cheers for the rookie. within seconds, kazuha jumps, flicking the basketball towards the net. you hold your breath and only exhale when it swoops in. the stands erupt into hoots and hollers. the game continues with back and forths, both teams evening out with their scores despite the early lead. however, the balance doesn’t persist for long, since midway through, just when kazuha is about to score a three pointer, one of the opponents dives in to tackle her. you instantly jump out of your seat, eyes wide with worry as kazuha gets shoved to the floor, a loud thud echoing throughout the gym.

“dude— is she allowed to do that?” you ask chaewon in disbelief. chaewon shakes her head, her face equally full of concern. there’s an outcry of anger from the supporters, booing at the opposing team. kazuha’s still on the ground, her arm twisted unsightly.

“what a bitch!” chaewon yells as the offender smirks at kazuha, strutting away to sit down on a bench while her teammate runs into court. your eyes follow the bright red jersey, the back depicting the name ‘shin’ in bold white font along with the number nine. the foul play earns your team a penalty shot but kazuha’s taken off court to be assessed for injuries.

despite the ongoing game, you can’t take your eyes off kazuha. her limp body, defeated and disappointed, resting against the wall causes sorrow to engulf your heart. you hate how upset she looks. even chaewon’s shrieks and screams can’t distract you. soon, kazuha leaves the gymnasium entirely and you can’t help but want to go after her.

“oh, c’mon yunjin! that was an easy shot!” chaewon shouts, causing the girl mentioned to turn around and glare at her. the ball had rolled off the rim effortlessly and your heart stopped as the score tied once more. it was already in its last quarter and if your team had any hopes of winning, they would need to step up their game. as the seconds ticked by, the chance of victory dwindled and you could see the moral fading away from your team.

yet, out of nowhere, yunjin somehow manages to score a three pointer that flings your team into the lead.

“huh yunjin!” you holler as the stands rise to clap and cheer. chaewon does the same and the game ends with the team lifting yunjin’s lanky body up in the air, seemingly awarding her with the title of mvp. your best friend grins as she shakes the opponent’s hand and you swear she grips number nine’s hand a little tighter. while the team finishes up thanking the opponents, you head down from the stands towards the infirmary, leaving chaewon behind.

the hallway leading to the infirmary feels endless as your legs trudge through. you couldn’t sit still throughout the match but yunjin came first as much as you wanted to check up on kazuha. and anyway things were awkward now— it would make sense for you to remain in the stands.

swinging the doors open, you whip your head left and right, searching for the young japanese girl.

“y/n?” kazuha blurts out. she’s laying on one of the beds, arm wrapped in a cast that’s slung around her shoulder, “d-did we win?”

you want to laugh in disbelief at how kazuha cares more about the match than her broken arm.

“ninety two to eighty nine,” you repeat the scores, sitting down on one of the chairs next to her bed. kazuha frowns, “that’s not a huge difference.”

“no, but at least you won.”

the girl’s shoulders turn slack and she gazes at you with a downcasted expression, “barely. i thought yunjin would be able to pull ahead.”

“she scored the winning shot,” you offer half-heartedly, which at least manages to cheer kazuha up a little. she smiles reluctantly before furrowing her eyebrows at the cast again, “i can’t play for the rest of the season.”

you nod, “of course not.”

“that’s— ugh,” her head falls against the propped pillow, “that’s annoying. i’m gonna miss so much—”

“hey,” you interrupt, “you just have to focus on resting now. don’t think about what you’re missing out on.”

kazuha pouts. she pouts— and it’s maddening the way the sight of an upset kazuha tugs at your heartstrings. how was it possible for someone to have that much control over your emotions?

a moment of silence passes slowly as kazuha’s eyelids flutter shut. she must be tired, you infer. despite the little time she spent on court, the girl suffered a serious injury and required rest. just as you decide to stand up, kazuha’s voice halts your movement.

“why didn’t you come to game night?”

she sounds timid and worried, almost like the kazuha you met at first. you haven’t heard her this anxious in a long time.

“game night?” you repeat, tilting your head.

“y-yeah… on friday… we waited for you,” she trails off, willing herself to stare at the clenched fists bunching up the blanket resting on her lap rather than you.

you’re reminded of the night that you spent with yujin, coming up with different ways and strategies to woo jang wonyoung even though you knew she was too pussy to do anything.

“i was out with my friend,” you explain, “sorry for making you guys wait up.”

kazuha frowns. you hold back from reaching out to relax the furrow between her brows.

“yujin?” she asks, voice strained.

“mhm. do you know her?”

she shakes her head.

“well— yujin does robotics, so you probably never crossed paths before. she’s a good kid though,” you smile fondly, thinking about the girl. kazuha can’t stop herself from glaring at the adoring look in your eyes. you had seemingly brightened up at the mention of your friend and kazuha hates how she feels out of place even though it’s just you and her talking.

this whole situation should be familiar. you’re her roommate’s best friend. she should feel fine and comfortable carrying a conversation with you but she doesn’t.

“i think you guys would get along well,” you say, “she likes playing genshin— don’t you like it too?”

kazuha stuns. how do you know that she plays genshin? out of everything that you had to know about her, liking genshin impact was not one of kazuha’s get to know me facts! you probably thought that she was a loser now! only losers play genshin! she internally wails at the prospect of it.

“hmph… maybe,” she mumbles, the tips of her ears reddening. kazuha’s lucky that her long hair hides her embarrassment. you laugh at her response and kazuha gets that feeling again.

suddenly, your phone rings, indicating a call. you fish your phone out, grimacing at the contact before answering.

“choi y/n!” kazuha hears yunjin’s voice unabashedly shouting. she stifles a laugh as you wince.

“yes?”

“where are you?! we’re meant to be celebrating!”

your voice turns stern and steely (kazuha’s heart stutters in her chest a little), “i’m with your roommate, or did you forget that she got injured?”

“i— kazuha! oh shit, wait for me!”

the moment you end the call, kazuha lets out a giggle. yunjin was just so silly. she can’t think of a better roommate to be honest. even if she has the memory of a goldfish. kazuha has a lot to thank yunjin for, and as she gazes at you, grinning shyly at the reduced tension in the room from yunjin’s mere phone call, she suddenly feels a wave of gratitude.

thank you yunjin for giving her this opportunity to befriend you.

your blooming friendship with kazuha has ascended from mere acquaintances to a contender for yunjin’s best friend spot. the previous icy disposition prevalent had disappeared almost instantly after that basketball game. you spend most of your days on kazuha’s bed, not the living room couch. at first, it was because she had to watch this scary movie, courtesy of a bet made by chaewon, and she couldn’t do it alone. yunjin would be equally useless, so you took up her offer.

unfortunately she didn’t inform you that chaewon’s bet consisted of watching the whole trilogy at night. hence, you were subjected to watching three horror films at midnight. kazuha couldn’t really stay quiet and it wasn’t as if you could tape her mouth shut. so, you decided to help her by giving her your hand to squeeze whenever a jumpscare came on screen.

however, this situation was extremely bad for your heart.

the warmth emitting from her hold was enough to make you blush. not to mention the way her body would cave in, seeking comfort. the mere presence of kazuha made goosebumps rise along your skin.

your heart weeps in disappointment when kazuha’s touch leaves your skin, her hand flying out to cover her eye while her other rests in the cast.

(not because you wanted kazuha to keep touching you! covering her eyes was just a cowardly move! as chaewon’s roommate, you had to ensure that kazuha would adhere to the rules!)

anyway— through this one night, kazuha had somehow managed to get nightmares from the horror movie. you wondered how that was possible when she barely watched it. maybe a little. through the gaps in her fingers perhaps. due to this recurring nightmare that kazuha had, she couldn’t get any sleep at all. the next day you visited her dorm, she looked like a zombie.

hence, your disastrous plan of staying the night with kazuha to make sure she was safe from any ghosts!

it was the foreigner who brought it up at first, all shy and bashful and you couldn’t reject that sheepish expression. but maybe you should’ve, since instead of just being by her side at night, somehow you would end up cuddling. the cuddling wasn’t really bad… it was just that kazuha was handsy. incredibly so. you would wake up in the morning, hair tousled and drool across your cheek, and kazuha’s entire body would be embracing yours, like a koala. you weren’t too sure if the conscious kazuha would even do such a thing and you chalked it up to her sleeping habit.

every morning, you would have to carefully detach yourself from kazuha before heading to class, making sure not to wake the girl up. especially with exams round the corner, she definitely needed her sleep. if you weren’t watching movies, you would be studying. sometimes kazuha moans about music theory, stating that she should have just studied science and other times you grumble about ecology, wishing you took arts instead. eventually, a few weeks after that fateful movie night, kazuha finally got her cast removed and was back to feeling brand new. you had celebrated by watching high school musical and drinking, which was definitely the cause of your killer hangover the next morning.

“zuha! where’s my hoodie?!” you shriek, fighting against your pounding headache and rifling through the piles of laundry stacking up beside kazuha’s bed.

the girl groggily sits up from her sheets, eyes bleary, “huh?”

the sun’s barely out but you have an eight am class to get to and now you can’t find your hoodie! it’s your favourite one too! a black adidas hoodie! and if you don’t bring it to your morning class, you’ll freeze to death in the theatre! the hangover doesn’t help either.

“where is it? i brought it over last time,” you ask, facing the sleepy girl again. kazuha rubs her eyes, frowning, “i think in my closet?”

ignoring the urge to coo at her, you stride towards her closet, searching through. eventually, you do find your hoodie, all the way at the side, shoved in with a bunch of other clothes.

exclaiming in glee, you hurriedly pull it over your head and grab your bag.

“okay, bye zuha! love you!” you blurt out, kissing the top of her head and sprinting out of the dorm despite yunjin yelling for you to stay for breakfast.

it’s only when you reach your class that you realise what you’ve done. sweat dripping down your neck, you collapse in the chair, eyes wide and mouth agape at your own shamelessness.

“oh my god…!” you shriek as loudly as you can, muffled into the thick fabric of your hoodie. yujin slides into the seat next to you, blinking in surprise. you turn to her, distressed.

“are you…” she makes a bunch of vague gestures with her hand, “you look ten seconds away from having a stroke.”

you bury your head into your palms, fingers digging into your hair. yujin makes a noise of indignation.

“yujinnie, prepare my funeral for me.”

“what?!” the younger girl grabs your shoulders, shaking you roughly, “you’re dying?!”

“ugh, no!” you push her away, “i did something stupid.”

yujin stares at you before huffing, “if you’re just gonna sulk—”

“i kissed zuha on the cheek and said love you when i was leaving!” you splutter out. her eyes turn as wide as saucers, lips parting in surprise. “zuha? yunjin’s roommate? since when did you get so chummy with her? are you dating?”

you shake your head, biting the inside of your cheek in humiliation when you recall kazuha’s stunned expression, frozen on the bed.

“so… why’d you…” yujin stutters, “kiss her?”

groaning, you flop back onto the desk, limp with mortification. it’s almost a repeat of the incident when you first met kazuha. somehow, everytime you hung out with her, you would find a way to truly embarrass yourself. but maybe this one triumphs all other times.

“i don’t know! i was really hungover and she just looked super cute after waking up! i think it’s because we spent the night together so we got a little too domesticated… and it was just an instinctive reaction to do that! she was so pretty… and maybe i’m kind of in love with her but that’s not the point!” you whine.

it had never been stated so outrightly before. that your whole heart rested in the palms of kazuha. you had no idea when this crush, or adoration, for her started and it very well could have blossomed the moment kazuha opened that door for you. all you knew was that your love for her was like a tsunami, endless in its barrage. it explained all the feelings you felt for her; from jealousy to affection. she made you feel a whole spectrum. you wanted to know everything about kazuha. her likes, her dislikes, why she chose basketball over dance, why she enjoys video games so much (not as much as sakura though).

“you’re in love with her? girl what.”

“i know! oh my god— how am i gonna face her now?”

yujin guffaws, shoving your limp body away, “you’re such a mess. shut up and focus before you fail this semester. think about this later.”

you nod. yujin was right! you shouldn’t think about this now. it wouldn’t do you any good. currently, all you should think about is the looming examinations that will decide your future.

yet, the thought of kazuha still remains clear in your mind. halfway through the lecture, you nudge yujin’s side, whispering softly, “do you think zuha got uncomfortable with me doing that?”

yujin frowns, pushing her glasses up, “probably a little… unless she likes you back.”

unintentionally, a scoff escapes you. kazuha liking you back? no way. she wouldn’t even touch you with a ten foot pole if it wasn’t for her own comfort. the mere thought was preposterous. how could someone, as sweet as kazuha, as caring as kazuha…

she was the kindest girl you knew. you had forgotten all about the misfortune you faced at the start with her, writing them off as misunderstanding the girl. it was so apparent that kazuha had a heart of gold. and perhaps it was too easy for you to fall for someone like that. someone gentle and loving. maybe the furthest her love for you would be as a friend. you couldn’t assume that her actions were romantic. it would make more sense for them to be platonic.

you cuddle with yunjin too. you kiss chaewon on the cheek as well. you’ve spent nights talking to sakura. nothing about the things you’ve experienced with kazuha was strange or abnormal. well, except for the outrageous heart rate you had during those times.

sometimes when you wake up first, you prepare breakfast for yunjin and kazuha. and most of the time, when you’re flipping pancakes, firm arms wrap around your waist and a giant embraces your back. it would always be kazuha’s face that meets yours when you turn around. her goofy grin as she eyes the pancakes hungrily. you could imagine the ears flapping on those brown locks and the tail wagging excitedly behind her.

almost like an enthusiastic puppy that sees its owner for the first time. kazuha was innocent like that. she deserved a good person to take care of her. one that doesn’t have to contemplate their worth to her. maybe she does like you, but that would be a diabolical decision to make.

you sink further into your chair.

“you good?” yujin asks.

kazuha should not like you back.

“y-yeah. i’m fine.”

it wouldn’t be so bad if she did though.

truth be told, kazuha wasn’t really sure what changed overnight. she just had almost the best sleep of her life and suddenly, it’s the morning and you’re rushing out the door. the lingering warmth of your lips still resides freshly on her cheek and a delicious tingle sends shivers down her entire body as she remembers it so dearly. don’t even get her started on the way her heart had jumped in her throat when you said ‘love you’ to her. it was mystical the way she reacted to such words.

yet, it seemed like you had done a whole one eighty. instead of returning back to her like you should, kazuha never received any indication of you dropping by their dorm. she had eagerly waited for your arrival after your class and you were nowhere to be found. if anyone saw her then, they would immediately state that she looked like a wet dog. kazuha didn’t know what she’d done wrong. only that yunjin was equally bewildered.

“do you think i did something?” kazuha asks again over dinner and yunjin can’t really stand to be exasperated when her roommate stares so sadly at her food, not even eating.

“maybe she’s just in one of those phases again. it’s nearing exam season,” yunjin shrugs even though there’s insecurity in her answer, “she might just be busy.”

kazuha nods and it feels as if she’s trying to convince herself rather than acknowledge yunjin’s words.

“i’ll tell you if i get any news from her though,” yunjin offers and it brightens kazuha up enough for her to finally take a bite of her dinner.

things don’t really change even after a few days. yunjin just has a pitiful expression on her face when kazuha asks again and everything’s starting to look dull. she still has no clue what transpired in this situation. maybe it really was that morning when you kissed her. how could you be the one avoiding her if you kissed her first? kazuha huffs, stomping her feet as she thinks about it. she should really be focusing on her thesis right now but her mind likes to wander and more often than not, the main protagonist in her brain is you.

the fact that you don’t share any subjects together only further wedges a gap between you and kazuha barely spots you in the hallways. based on what chaewon’s told her, you’ve only been staying in your room, even avoiding going to the library or cafes in fear that kazuha might be there! now that was just too over the top. the next time kazuha sees you, she’s going to explode.

additionally, to add to the things that do not quell kazuha’s frustration, you’ve become increasingly close to this yujin girl. kazuha currently has all her friends on lookout, searching for your whereabouts and almost all of them have reported sightings of you with this tall girl with dark shaggy hair and kazuha knows that’s ahn yujin. back when she still had you to cuddle, you would sometimes bring up yujin despite the scowl on kazuha’s face. the mere mention of her name was enough for kazuha’s blood to boil so imagine seeing you with her! when you were meant to be cuddling with kazuha! life was so unfair.

kazuha wants to pull out all her hair when she finally sees you for the first time in weeks and no surprise, yujin’s latched onto your side like a hopeless dog.

(she ignores how she may have, very well, looked the same once.)

she watches pathetically as you stroll by, not even sparing a glance at her and maybe if she listened close enough, she could hear her heart shattering into shards. now kazuha just feels silly. she’s tried everything (no, not really, it’s an exaggeration) for you to notice her but nothing seems to work. maybe she’ll just corner you in your dorm room, where you can’t escape.

at that very moment, a lightbulb flickers on.

kazuha sprints, her long legs striding towards the direction of the dormitories, eyes blazing with a newfound determination.

kazuha [3.14pm]:

pls lock urself in ur room

just for a few hours

chaewon [3.15pm]:

is this about yn?

okie sure~

kazuha [3.15pm]:

thanku (´▽｀)

the moment she reaches your dorm, she’s panting heavily and she needs to rest her body against the hardwood door to catch her breath. no doubt she reached before you and as she knocked, chaewon grimaces at her but still opens it wide enough for her to enter.

“good luck,” is all she says before clicking her bedroom door shut. kazuha has a few minutes to spare, so she takes a good look around your apartment. for the amount of time you spent in hers, she hasn’t done the same. it’s an unfamiliar territory that kazuha has to become well-versed with. a whole wall was filmed with polaroids and pictures, all taken throughout your college life. her eyes fall from one of yunjin to a blurry film photo. it’s a little hazy but the people inside are still clear enough to be identifiable. kazuha knows that’s her. and the person she’s wrapped around is you.

she doesn’t remember this photo being taken but the surroundings are evidently her dorm, so it could only mean that yunjin took the photo. but for you to get it developed… kazuha hasn’t understood the significance of her friendship to you until now. it’s slightly jarring to be frank but a sense of relief settles within her.

her head swings back when the door clicks open.

“oh.”

you stare at kazuha with widened eyes.

“sorry, chaewon unnie let me in.”

you clear your throat, coughing slightly, “ah, yeah. i just… wasn’t expecting for you to be here.”

kazuha cocks an eyebrow at you, “not done avoiding me?”

“uhm, what… haha, no… i wasn’t avoiding you.”

“really?”

you nod stiffly, “yup. just busy. busy with schoolwork. y’know, biomed’s a hard curriculum.”

“of course,” kazuha states, “let’s catch up now then. you have free time, right?”

there’d be no use denying that to kazuha, so you accept your fate by sitting down on the couch. the fabric feels foreign after spending most of your days in yunjin’s dorm.

“so… what’s up?”

“explain why you’ve been avoiding me.”

“i just told you i haven’t…”

the look kazuha gives you says, ‘come on,’ and you sigh, knowing that there wasn’t any way out of this. at best, you would be able to move on without ever speaking of this again, and at worst, you would be thoroughly humiliated. at least it was just the two of you now, so maybe your embarrassment wouldn’t be as bad?

“well, uhm,” you look away from kazuha’s intense gaze, “for starters, i was really embarrassed after that incident in the morning…” your voice trails off awkwardly as kazuha’s eyes light up in recognition.

“why? it wasn’t weird for me.”

“no? it wasn’t?” you ask, surprised. kazuha shakes her head and it gives you the slightest bit of confidence.

you try to keep your voice steady, “okay but other than that, i kind of… i haveamassivecrushonyou.”

“what?! say that again,” she demands, now facing you directly and you shut your eyes, already feeling the tips of your ears heat up rapidly.

“i kind of have a massive crush on you. i’m sorry! if i stayed friends with you it just felt like i was taking advantage and i wouldn’t want to do that to someone i like.”

she doesn’t respond for a few seconds and instantly you think she’s gotten up and left. surely this would be weird for her, right? her roommate’s best friend suddenly saying that she’s been crushing on her— why did you even say that out loud to her?!

when you open your eyes, you find kazuha staring at you with a flabbergasted expression that quickly morphs into exhilaration. she lets out a breathy laugh, one that echoes in your ears endlessly, “i’m so happy.”

“what?” you ask, confused.

she repeats slowly, “i’m so happy.”

“…why?”

kazuha rolls her eyes playfully, “i have a crush on you too. why do you think i said i didn’t mind the kiss? or your profession of love?”

you blush furiously, “that was not a profession of love. more like a slip of the tongue. never going to happen again.”

she shakes her head, a grin gracing her lips, “well, it was really cute.” kazuha leans in close, mockingly poking at your maroon-stained cheeks, “are you flustered? did your heart flutter because of me?”

swatting her hand away, you scoff, “don’t flatter yourself too much.” it’s an incredible contrast of your true feelings.

“i really thought you didn’t like me,” you pout, thinking of all the times kazuha would unintentionally reject you.

the japanese girl winces, “not my best moment but i do like you, if that wasn’t clear enough. so, are we dating now?”

you place your palms against her broad shoulders, pushing her away slightly before she sends you into a heart attack.

“o-okay.”

“hm? what’s that? i didn’t hear you.”

“shut up, zuha.”

“hey, i thought you liked me. why are you being so mean?”

later on, when chaewon finally emerges from her room, she finds two figures cuddled up on the couch, both clinging onto each other. her first instinct is to cringe, and her second is to snap a photo to replace the one currently on the wall.

🎙️ author’s note: not super fond of the ending but it’s literally 3am and i can’t be bothered sorry guys maybe i’ll change it one day but i need to sleep now. hope you enjoyed the fic nonetheless!

#lesserafim x reader #lesserafim #lesserafim x fem reader #nakamura kazuha x reader #kazuha x reader #kazuha x fem reader #nakamura kazuha x fem reader

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jensettermandu · 7 months ago

Text

tongue tied - kim chaewon , huh yunjin

genre; fluff (a lot of it), angst, high school au, sfw

pairing; chaewon x female reader x yunjin

content; a lot of pining, mentions of injuries, soccer and cheer-leading but there's no need for any knowledge of the sports, mentions of insecurities and anxiety, idk there's nothing more to warn about; it's sfw

synopsis; it's the last year of high school, the girls' soccer team is on a roll and the cheer team wins yet another elite competition. it seems as if things cannot get any better for the girls, however, love is never easy, especially when the captain of the soccer team, huh yunjin, is in love with her best friend who she is too afraid to lose to make a move on. that is until her new team/schoolmate, kim chaewon, shows interest in the cheerleader and sometimes all that's needed is a final push to take a leap of faith before it’s too late.

wc; 25.9k+ words (the plan was to make it much shorter...sorry)

songs; bad habit - steve lacy , ditto - newjeans , things i'll never say - avril lavigne , to love - suki waterhouse , what would i do? - strawberry guy

masterlist

“And lastly…” The girl trailed off as they took the last few steps between the high bleachers, the sun momentarily blinding them as the big field that was filled came into view. The voices echoed through the space with shouts, cheers and whistles being blown. “This is the field where we hold pep rallies, events, games, practice et cetera.” She explained, gesturing towards the green grass that didn’t look real from the strong colour it carried, shining as it looked watered.

Chaewon’s eyes scanned the bleachers behind her where a couple of students were sitting, looking around and over the green field. Jimin–the girl who showed her around school this morning–pointed towards the girls who were in white shorts and light blue jerseys.

“There is the girls' soccer team, we have a boys' team too. Both play in the state championship this year to try and get into nationals again,” she continued to explain. “We have basketball, swimming, water polo, table tennis, track–” Her gaze shifted where Jimin pointed towards the other side of the field.

“And a cheerleading team as you can see, however, they are a level seven team that competes on an elite level.” Chaewon felt herself flinch at the three girls who were flung into the air, making her squint her eyes to see better as the sun was blinding her. She had seen cheerleading before at her previous school, but not as advanced as this team looked.

“What was that?” She asked as the three girls fell back down, being caught by the guys who were their bases.

“Uhm, kick-kick double basket,” Jimin replied seemingly having the stuff memorised.

“And who’s that?” Chaewon continued to ask, subtly pointing with her head towards the girl in the middle with a single base under her this time, doing a heel stretch.

“That’s Y/n, the captain, a talented flyer and tumbler, just generally good at cheerleading.”

“Oh wow.” Jimin hummed at Chaewon who continued to watch the cheerleading team, fully enthralled by what was going on.

After a good minute of the two girls looking at the team doing baskets and other stunts, Jimin spoke up, realising that she still had to help the new girl out a little bit more before getting to watch her friends’ morning practice.

“So, are you interested in any of the teams? Have you done anything? Swimming? Table tennis? Track?” She questioned.

Chaewon took one last glance at the girls and guys from the cheer team before she walked with Jimin. Her eyes fell on the soccer team that was in the middle of a practice game against each other.

“I was part of the soccer team.” The shorter girl mentioned as they walked along the empty track field, hands in the pockets of her jeans to occupy them with something. Her eyes followed the ball that was passed around, the callouts of the girls being incoherent to her ears from far away.

“Any good?”

Chaewon hummed, nodding her head as she looked away from the field and at Jimin. She took pride in her soccer skills as she had played for as long as she had walked. “Captain and starting striker.” It was enough to shine through her little shell whenever soccer was mentioned and she could go on for days talking about it and how much she loves playing.

“Well, I’m not sure if you will make it into the starting lineup now that the season has started, but I can talk to Yunjin.”

It was unfortunate that her family had to suddenly move to another city a month into her senior year. It was unexpected, but Chaewon couldn’t argue about it and so her fate brought her here. She had to settle in and try to fit in too which usually wasn’t a problem, however, this was the last year of high school and people were bound to already have their close friends.

“Yunjin?” Her head tilted at the name and Jimin nodded her head as she proceeded to explain.

“The captain and current starting striker. She will talk to you and the coach.”

“Oh.” She gave a curt nod, knowing already that to have the spot she used to have on her old team she would have to work for it in the new environment. Chaewon was sure of her skills in the end even if the season had already started, she couldn’t stay benched for all of it.

“That’s her,” Jimin said as the whistle blew, pointing towards the girl who ran across the field and away from the rest of the team.

“Ew, ew, ew, ew.”

“Ew?” Yunjin confusedly questioned, her eyebrows furrowing, but her grip on the petite girl stayed as she had her arms wrapped around her from behind.

“You’re all sweaty, Jen.” Y/n cried out, trying to squirm out of the girl's hold.

Yunjin huffed and let go of Y/n, the shorter girl turned on her heels and gave her a small shove against her chest to have her step back. The ginger grumbled and pulled up the hem of her jersey to wipe away any remaining sweat on her face after practice. The second the whistle blew and she was dismissed she grabbed her stuff and ran over to the cheer team.

“Stop flexing your tummy for everyone.” Yunjin groaned as her stomach was smacked and she let go of her shirt. Her eyes back on the cheerleader who cringed as the captain's stomach was just as sweaty. The ginger clicked her tongue and grabbed Y/n’s hand to wipe it with her shirt.

“God, you’re so dramatic.” She commented, her eyes stuck on Y/n’s face as the girl smiled at her, it was enough to make the corners of Yunjin’s lips lift too. It was as if she was struck by something from nowhere, everything inside her stomach started to shift and she felt giddy. It was her source of energy because it would always surge through her whenever she looked at Y/n; she considered the girl her lucky charm.

Her eyes crinkled at how good it felt; her best friend was the best feeling in the world.

“Don’t you just love it when I am?” Y/n questioned with an eloquent grin as she knew the answer.

Yunjin could feel her face heat up with her own words as Y/n picked up her gym bag after pulling away from the taller girl. “I tend to love everything about your annoying self.” She commented, her heart picking up like it always did when she said these things to Y/n. It made her nervous and Y/n’s replies only made her more flustered and she found herself digging through all the signs to understand if it was what she hoped it was.

“You’re my favourite person,” hearing that from Y/n always brightened not only her day but her soul which could at times fall into a gloom of insecurities.

Yunjin was the captain of the soccer team and had been for the past three years which resulted in a lot of faith being put on her, trusting her sportsmanship and leadership, especially during soccer season. The team, the school, the coach, her friends and family, and people on the bleachers all counted on the team and it was her job to make sure they worked as a team. Any errors always gnawed at her and made her doubt her skill as a captain.

She knew that she wasn’t the only one who was under a lot of pressure, the girl who clung to her arm as they waited for the rest of their friends was under just as much pressure. All her friends were, but she could only find solace in one person and one person only: Y/n. Yunjin could open up about anything to her, tell her everything–almost everything–because she knew that Y/n would be there for her as she had been there since middle school, sixth grade.

Along the way that trust and adoration seemed to evolve into more, but how couldn’t it? Y/n was everything Yunjin dreamed of and she had never dreamed of more than soccer. It wasn’t like she had a picture of a dream partner or life before, but after she met Y/n and with years that went by and when high school started, she understood what it meant for a dream to get built around a person. Her dream was soccer and she built it around Y/n as each choice she made involved thoughts of her best friend.

When high school started she realised what it meant to build her dreams around a person. It meant to be in love.

“Who’s that with Jimin?” Y/n diverted the conversation she was having with Yunjin, placing her chin on the taller girl’s shoulder as she stood on her toes, arms wrapped around the ginger’s waist. It felt warm, but not the kind of warm Yunjin felt from the sun and running around on the field; it was the type that brewed on the inside like a fireplace that warmed up a home.

She hummed and her eyes searched the field until they landed on Jimin walking along the running track with a girl she hadn’t seen before. “I don’t know…” She trailed off, her eyes squinted the slightest to try to see if she maybe did recognise the girl, but she didn’t. Yunjin squirmed at the ticklish feeling when Y/n blew air against her ear, the girl giggling as she let go of the ginger who turned.

Before she could utter a single word, Y/n grabbed her hand and tugged it so she would walk with her. “Zuha–” She called for the cheerleader who was packing up the last of her stuff before turning to the two. Y/n received a hum from her friend as Yunjin let herself be dragged after her. “Did you hear anything about the girl Jimin is with?” The shorter girl questioned, gesturing with her head towards the girl in question.

“Nope, I don’t remember her mentioning anything.” Kazuha, one of the tumblers on the team, replied as she walked over to the two. All three turned back around and looked at the two.

“That’s the new girl.” Their attention was torn away from the two as they looked at the guy who was one of the bases, Yeonjun.

“There’s someone new starting?” Yunjin questioned, confused by the guy’s words. She frowned, her thumb smoothing over Y/n’s knuckles as she tried to figure out why someone would change schools in their senior year. Not to mention, school started a month ago.

“Well, she’s not here to just look at the school.” Yunjin rolled her eyes at the guy’s mordant remark as it was obvious.

“We’re going to be late for bio,” Yujin exhaled after she ran across the field with her soccer gear to them.

Yunjin looked at the time on her phone as she leaned against the wall outside the locker rooms after getting changed. “You’re not coming?” Yujin questioned as she walked out of the girls’ soccer team's locker, fixing the bag on her shoulder.

“I will be there–” She was cut off as the girl waved her off, passing by her.

“Yeah, you want to walk with Y/n, don’t be too late.” She dismissed and Yunjin rolled her eyes at the second striker who walked away.

The girl wasn’t one to break her routines, not the ones with Y/n at least. All classes started in around eight minutes and Y/n’s physics class was right on the way to bio. Yunjin picked at her nails as she waited for the girl, thinking of her day as she tried to plan what she would do after school. It all consisted of soccer and Y/n as she either would practise by staying behind at school or would leave with Y/n to spend time.

She sighed as she hated the way time always went by so slowly without the cheerleader, but Yunjin couldn’t help but also hate how fast it went by with Y/n there. It was almost as if it wasn’t enough, 24 hours of the day weren’t enough for her with the girl and she had a feeling it would never be.

The thoughts of the girl raced in her head, making her heart race too as they always ended with her trying to think of ways to let Y/n know. How it would be if she spilled what more laid behind her as she loved Y/n more than a best friend. How it would be once Y/n would hear these words that ran deeper than adoration and how good it would feel when she would hear those same things leave Y/n’s lips. It made her smile as she continued to pick at her fingers and she tried to contain it to not look stupid, but she was a fool for her best friend and Yunjin didn’t mind it one bit.

However, her stomach would always turn inside out at the thought of the opposite happening if she told Y/n the truth about what coursed through her veins when she was with her. The thoughts of rejection, loss, longing, and dreams being shattered. Yunjin couldn’t afford the loss of someone alive because it would be too painful, and Y/n would be too painful to lose.

Then came the thoughts of rejection, but not losing her best friend either way because she knew Y/n better than that. The girl wouldn’t leave her simply because Yunjin was in love with her, but there was a possibility that she wouldn’t return the feelings. Those thoughts seemed to tie the biggest knots around her heart; the thoughts of Y/n not feeling the same, to begin with even if she wouldn’t put distance between them after.

Yunjin was stuck on the belief that Y/n was in love with her whether that was true or not, it didn’t matter. It was what made her heart content; thinking about silently being in love with each other and not taking the step–the silent agreement of loving and not finding anyone else even if they didn’t take the step to be more than silent lovers.

Of course, Yunjin dreamed of more, but she could settle on skinny love as long as it was Y/n.

Those giggles, smiles, eyes, Y/n’s voice, words, lips, the girl’s heart and soul; it was all more than enough for her in a silent agreement of loving each other but never confessing it out loud.

She was too scared to say those words out loud because, at the back of her head, she knew that there was a possibility that maybe she was wrong about it all. The thought alone was enough to keep her words at bay to not have to face the possible reality of being the only one.

“You’re looking all cute again.” Yunjin looked up, scrunching up her nose to rid herself of the smile that had stitched itself on her face while she waited. Y/n smiled and grabbed the girl by the hem of her hoodie, tugging at it and making the taller girl walk with her.

“I like your jacket,” the ginger complimented as she had on the school varsity jacket that held Yunjin’s name and number, being oversized on Y/n’s petite body.

“It’s from my favourite closet.” The smile came right back onto Yunjin’s lips as she looked over Y/n who was in her jacket. The cheerleader walked closer to Yunjin and grabbed hold of her arm, wrapping it around her shoulders as they walked through the hallway to head for their lockers and then to class.

“Do you have any plans after school?”

“You didn’t ask me to hang out yet so no.” Yunjin chuckled at Y/n’s words, giving the girl a light shove as they approached the girl’s class.

“I will wait by my car after classes end.” She settled.

“Yeah, I will see you at lunch…You’re going to be late.” Y/n showed her lock screen to Yunjin, her eyes first landing on the wallpaper that was her during one of their late-night Facetime calls before seeing that class started in four minutes.

“I don’t care,” the captain tried to stay nonchalant about it, wishing to spend at least a few more minutes or at least seconds with the girl. She knew that the next time she looked at the clock four minutes would already have passed because it didn’t wait around when they were with each other. Yunjin needed some more time to prepare for the next two classes without Y/n who would feel like they dragged on for ages even if she had their other friends to keep company.

“You do,” she watched as Y/n turned on her heels as they stood outside the open door to the classroom. The girl pressed it as Yunjin tried to keep her attendance in check because bad attendance and grades meant no soccer.

“I really don’t.”

“I can bet that the second I walk inside I will hear you run.” Y/n teased and Yunjin looked away at that, licking her lips.

“No, I won’t, but you should head inside since class starts soon.”

“Or I should head inside so you can hurry and not be late?” The ginger looked back at Y/n who was looking up at her with a wide smile, tongue poking at her canine before she bit her lower lip. It made Yunjin take in a breath as she felt her heart tumble down onto the floor for Y/n again as she couldn’t help but fall every time; waiting for Y/n to pick it up and carry it the way she would carry the girl’s.

Oh, how proudly she would carry Y/n’s heart if she had it; Yunjin would take care of it as if her life depended on it because it did. Her happiness depended on Y/n’s happiness.

“No, I don’t care about being late.”

“Sure, Jen,” Y/n giggled and wrapped her free hand around Yunjin’s waist to hug her before they parted ways. The captain without question returned the hug as her arm draped around Y/n’s shoulders. That sweet flowery scent invaded her and she loved it; the most when the cheerleader left it to linger in her bedroom after they hung out. It brought her the same type of comfort that her home did, Y/n was her home.

“I will see you at lunch.” The shorter girl hummed and tilted her head to look up at Yunjin while pulling away to leave a kiss on the girl's warm cheek before giving her a small push so she would let go.

“You’re about to be late for real,” Y/n commented while Yunjin watched the girl walk inside, her eyes widening and bringing her out of the daydream that Y/n was before bolting through the hallway.

Chaewon had never been one to silently sit alone and away from everyone in a classroom, but she couldn’t help but feel intimidated. She wasn’t one to approach either because of her shy nature. All those friends she had made as a kid were back in her hometown. It felt different now that she was in 12th grade compared to middle school or lower. It didn’t feel as easy to approach someone.

Slowly she was coming to terms that she would possibly spend her senior year alone at the back of the class. It was her pessimistic and despair-filled side talking as it appeared stronger ever since she was told that they were moving to a new city.

Her last hope was the soccer team, but even that felt like a far reach as the friendships maybe wouldn’t go outside the field. Everyone already had their friends and she now felt like an outcast for being new so late into high school.

It wasn’t fair and she hated it.

She picked at her nails, staring down at them while trying to bury the nerves and anxiety of a new place. The sound of new laughter made her look up as the classroom was loud the whole time and the teacher had yet to arrive. Her eyes landed at the entrance of the classroom, she caught a glimpse of that orange hair she had seen on the field earlier as the soccer captain was hugging the cheer captain.

She found herself staring, eyes glued to the cheerleader who stepped inside the class with a smile. Chaewon shivered, assuming it was from the cold table under her bare forearms as she pursed her lips, fighting the urge to let a small smile form on her lips. Y/n was too pretty and her smile didn’t look like it should be ignored without smiling back, but then again, Chaewon was invincible and would stay invincible until the end of the year.

Y/n wasn’t looking her way, she was talking to a few girls at the front.

It wasn’t like Chaewon knew the girl, but it already made her think about how much she would possibly miss out on if she didn’t get the courage to talk to someone. Maybe not the cheer captain right away, but anyone. It would be sombre to be alone during the whole senior year.

The bell rang and she watched as everyone proceeded to take seats in the chairs that were still empty while the teacher entered. It made her wince at how the chairs screeched along the floors, the chatter turning into hushed whispers as the man at the front put his stuff down.

“Looks like your seat is at the back today, Y/n, maybe we will go through a class without talking since it’s next to Kim Chaewon, our new student.” His words were followed by small giggles and Y/n who clicked her tongue.

Chaewon felt herself get breathless at the panic she felt of people suddenly noticing her after being a ghost at the back. She had no clue what to do so she avoided gazes that were on her all while suddenly feeling too warm in her clothes.

She could feel that her face was red. Or maybe it wasn’t? Now she was panicking over whether she looked anxious or not. Her heart rate increased, pounding against her ribcage so harshly it made her feel weak. Was she going to have a panic attack in front of everyone on her first day? It was starting to muffle her ears and her fists clenched as they were clammy now.

Chaewon’s wide eyes gazed around the classroom as the girl sat down beside you, the scent of sweet flowers managed to cloud her, pulling her away from the anxiety and grounding her. The class went almost completely silent, the hushed whispers even more faint now as the teacher started to talk. She tried to calm herself down before it got worse.

“Where did you transfer from?” Heat ran across Chaewon’s back when the girl beside her spoke up after a few minutes of the lecture, everyone too engulfed to take notice of them at the back.

She parted her lips, suddenly not remembering where she grew up before she managed to push an answer from her throat with a slight quiver. “Austin, Texas.” Chaewon cleared her throat and swallowed, subtly glancing over at the girl beside her who was looking at the front. It sounded stale and she was afraid that she ruined her only chance to make friends.

“That’s far—” It was, it truly was far as she now lived in Long Island, New York. She looked to the side, her eyes meeting Y/n’s and she held her breath for a second as she hadn’t expected the girl to be looking back at her, not with those intense eyes. Chaewon couldn’t hold eye contact, her gaze faltering onto the table. “I assume that it kind of sucks to move, especially in your last year.”

“It’s–Yeah, it does suck.” She couldn’t help but admit to how much it sucked. It felt alienating and a big part of her was still pessimistic about this change and another still held some resentment towards her parents even if it wasn’t their fault that her mother got transferred to the new job.

Y/n hummed at that, the girl unable to stop casting glances at the cheerleader, constantly picking up on her features with each glance cast at her. Her nerves eased, but new ones appeared as she was sitting beside a pretty girl who was talking to her with such ease it felt like they already knew each other.

There was a flow as Y/n continued to ask questions about her throughout the lesson–Chaewon realised what the teacher meant at the start, but she didn’t mind because suddenly all those doubts about her senior year disappeared.

Before she could take in a word the teacher said the class was over and her most dreaded day was slowly becoming one that wasn’t dragging along, but flying by.

“Okay, what does your schedule look like?” Y/n asked as everyone was gathering their stuff, the two girls taking their time and staying behind. Chaewon showed her phone to the girl where she had her schedule.

“We have physics, maths and P.E. together, you also have classes with some of my other friends–maths now and lunch after so…” Y/n trailed off and the girl got her phone handed back. Chaewon’s momentary confusion dissipated and she got the memo, grabbing her stuff to walk with the girl.

“I forgot to ask about her number and now she might as well be lost somewhere at school. I was supposed to introduce you two.” Jimin explained and Yunjin did her best to listen and indulge in the conversation after the new girl was brought up, but she was too busy waiting for Y/n to finally arrive at the canteen.

“Where’s Y/n?” She asked as the new girl hadn’t managed to pique her interest.

“Are you listening?” Jimin questioned.

“What does the new girl have to do with anything?” The ginger questioned, poking at the food with her fork. She had yet to meet her and she hadn’t listened to what Jimin was saying at all.

“You’re the soccer captain.”

“Yeah,” she confirmed, looking up at Jimin with a frown.

“It’s like talking to a wall.”

“Tell me about it,” Yujin commented, earning laughter from the other two at the table.

“You don’t think you could fix her a spot on the team?” This time Yunjin was listening and her frown deepened for a second.

“The season already started and we’re a full team,” it felt like a risk to take someone new onto the team when they had been playing together for months now, some even years.

“She said she was captain and starting striker in her previous school.” The girl beside her replied with a shrug.

“I–” The ginger didn’t get to reply as she got distracted by the three girls that were heading their way. There were just certain auras that drew people to them, Y/n and Kazuha were two people with that kind of aura, or maybe it was just Y/n since that was who Yunjin always found herself drawn to.

“Looks like she’s not lost at all,” Yeonjun commented, right beside Y/n was the new girl and Yunjin knew just how easy-going her best friend was. Anyone was able to be comfortable around her, all it took was a few words from Y/n and the person was lost, anticipating what she would say next. Yunjin knew that and she loved that.

Chaewon looked over at the four people at the table, that nervousness clouded her again as she had just been able to slowly crawl out of her shy shell around Y/n and somewhat with Kazuha. The eyes on her made her want to retract right back inside her shell of comfort and security.

She almost flinched at the hand that brushed over her before it grabbed gently hold of her wrist. The talking between all of them was still being processed as the girl was too busy looking around to avoid making eye contact first. She pursed her lips and held her breath at the nerves as the cheer captain pulled her over to the table.

“And this is Yunjin…” The cheer captain introduced everyone at the table, quickly making them acquainted.

For the first few minutes, Chaewon knew that she was mostly sitting in silence, unsure of what to say, however, she was more than thankful for Y/n who included her and worked as a mediator, especially between the two other girls–Yunjin and Yujin–who played soccer. At the back of her mind, Chaewon knew that she was enthralled by Y/n, feeling like she wouldn’t feel as welcomed and at ease if it hadn’t been for the girl. The girl was her only safe space in the huge school at the moment.

She quickly came to the realisation that she had been worrying too much and that maybe her senior year wouldn’t be too bad as she got along with both Yunjin and Yujin.

“What do you think about Chaewon?” Yunjin hummed at the question, her eyes trained on the screen of her phone that she was playing on. Y/n’s fingers continued to comb through her hair, making occasional small braids as she rested her head in the girl’s lap, lying in Yunjin’s bed.

There wasn’t much to think about, Yunjin was still getting to know the girl, but from today alone she had an answer that was good enough.

“She’s cool, I don’t know what I was expecting, but yeah, she’s chill.”

“You two seemed to get along with all your soccer talk.”

She glanced up at Y/n through her lashes, rolling her eyes at the teasing smile that rested on the girl’s pretty lips. Yunjin bit her lower lip for a second and looked back at her phone screen to finish up as she continued to talk,

“Whatever, it’s one of the things we have in common so far.”

“No matter how cool you think soccer makes you, you’re such a nerd about it.”

“Hey!” The ginger complained, turning her phone off and putting it on her nightstand as she sat up, turning to face Y/n who was leaning against the headboard.

“But in a good way, I love seeing that it makes you happy and keeps you passionate,” she watched the smile grow bigger on Y/n’s lips as the girl grabbed hold of the strings of her hoodie and tugged her closer.

Soccer did keep Yunjin passionate, but her best friend was yet another thing that kept her passionate; their friendship and Y/n were something she was utterly passionate about.

“I have the best support system known to man, consisting of my family, friends and most importantly you.” She told the truth and nothing else to her best friend, grabbing Y/n’s hands that were holding onto the strings of her hoodie, cupping them in hers and warming Y/n’s colder hands.

The cheer captain hummed at that. “Ditto.”

“So…What do you think about Chaewon? You seemed to get along.” Yunjin questioned, dropping her gaze onto their hands as Y/n was playing with her fingers, intertwining them and pressing their palms together as they sat facing each other. That smile was one the ginger couldn’t even fight, Y/n’s touch was soothing and spread a warmth through her that reminded her of home.

“She’s cute.”

One thing Yunjin hated was that she had grown so attached and used to Y/n and her being this one force of a silent agreement that these unelaborated comments made her stomach drop. The ginger knew that she shouldn’t be so sensitive, but each day she woke up with a fear that maybe the silent agreement was one-sided.

Each night she went to bed and woke up afraid that things would be different. What if someone took her place? Not as a best friend because she knew that was set in stone, but in this fantasy she hoped was true.

Yunjin pushed through it though as she knew better and knew how wrong it was to feel this way. “Cute?” She curiously asked, waiting for Y/n to elaborate, hoping Y/n didn’t find Chaewon cuter than her. Was ‘cute’ enough for Y/n to drop the silent agreement? The one Yunjin hoped was real.

“With how shy she is.”

She looked up at Y/n and nodded her head in understanding, familiar with Chaewon’s shy nature after today.

“You’re not gonna replace me, are you?”

“Oh my God, Yunjin.”

“Yunjin!?” The ginger let out in panic as her hands were dropped by Y/n who raised her eyebrows, giving her a once over with a judging look.

“Yes, Huh Yunjin,” Y/n confirmed with a click of her tongue, never calling her Yunjin because she had always been Jen to her.

“Stop it.” She complained, loving how Jen was the only thing Y/n called her and everyone else would call her Yunjin. It was like Y/n was the only one aware of her other name even if it wasn’t true. Everyone just silently agreed that Jen was reserved for Y/n.

“Why on earth would you ever even say that.”

“I’m just making sure,” she whined back at Y/n, but she knew that she didn’t have to, it was a joke because she knew that she would never be replaced as the girl’s best friend. That was why it was the least of her worries.

“I’m hurt–like actually hurt that you even have to make sure—” Her lips parted as Y/n was about to get up from the bed, Yunjin earning a huff of disbelief from the girl. “I think I’m gonna cry.”

“Now you’re being dramatic, come here.”

“No!” Yunjin laughed when Y/n yelped as she wrapped her arms around the girl’s waist after she had stood up from the bed. She pulled her back down, Y/n landing on top of her with her back, trying to wiggle out of Yunjin’s grip who continued to giggle at the poor attempts.

“I love you and know that you would never replace me in any way possible. You and I are forever like we promised in sixth grade.” She mumbled as Y/n heaved a sigh, the striker felt the girl give up and relax in her hold. Yunjin took the chance to bury her nose in Y/n’s hair as the girl rested her head on her shoulder, staring up at the white ceiling as a moment of silence fell between them.

“Yunjin…”

“Mm?” Yunjin pulled back and lifted her head only to flinch when Y/n turned around and flicked her forehead. “Ow–”

“Don’t joke like that again, I don’t want to think about it ‘cause it hurts to think about it.”

She pouted at those words as she sat up with Y/n sitting beside her, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, I know some people can’t help the fact that they are stupid.” Y/n dismissed with a smile as she looked over her shoulder at Yunjin.

“Yeah, you’re walking tomorrow,”

“Who says I’m staying the night?”

“Me and I still pick you up even when you stay at home, now sleep.” The ginger demanded, pulling Y/n back down and reaching over for the bedside lamp.

“But I–” She shushed the girl, pushing her head back down on the pillow as the lights went out and she pulled the duvet over them.

“Goodnight, Y/n.” The girl beside her heaved a sigh and moved, Yunjin offering her arm as per usual, letting Y/n rest her head on her shoulder and hug her waist, knowing she couldn’t sleep without hugging something or someone.

“Goodnight, Jen,” Yunjin smiled at the name and hummed, the fear of being replaced when she woke up less present as the girl she loved fell asleep in her arms.

Chaewon realised that she had been too pessimistic, but the good thing was that she could change her views under the right circumstances where changing her perception would come in handy. Throughout the week she felt less and less dread for school when she went to bed and then woke up after being lucky enough to be found by Y/n on her first day. She felt welcomed and instantly accepted by the group without any tension.

Tuesday came and she felt her purpose start to sparkle again as she was accepted onto the soccer team even if it wasn’t in the starting lineup that was already set in stone when the season started.

For a second when practice ended and they had played a practice game where she was put as a striker and on the opposite team as the captain, Huh Yunjin, she thought that the girl would be a rival; a competition to beat and replace on the field.

The view was also changed quickly; Chaewon saw no need to strive for her old spot as a captain, however, she did find the need to be in the starting lineup and hoped it would come to her soon even if it wouldn’t be as a main striker.

Yunjin became someone she saw as a person who she could get the most out of when they played together as days passed through the week and they played alongside each other. Outside the field, they were becoming good friends and she could say it about the rest too.

Days passed quicker than she had expected after dreading moving to a new place.

So before she knew it; it was Saturday and Chaewon found herself at a convention centre for a local yet huge cheerleading tournament. She had never been to one, so naturally, she wanted to stick to the group of people she came with; Yunjin, Jimin and Yujin.

They had arrived an hour before it was the team's turn because the competition lasted a whole eight hours and there were still three hours left after the good four-minute performance that was in 30 minutes. Chaewon knew very little about everything, but the other three girls filled her right in, especially Yunjin who had a hard time being quiet about it.

“I still need to give Y/n her bow, Chaewon and I can go while you two get to the seats.” Chaewon didn’t get a word in as they were walking through the crowded centre, her arm sleeve was grabbed and she was pulled aside by Yunjin.

“Could you hold it for a second?” She hummed, taking the bow from Yunjin who started to look for her phone. Chaewon looked over the dark blue and white bow with gemstones, glancing between the captain and the way before her to not walk into anyone.

“Where are you and Y/n?”

Yunjin stopped in her tracks as she tried to hear what Kazuha was saying over the noise in the background as Y/n wasn’t answering her phone.

“I kind of lost Y/n somewhere and she doesn’t have her phone.”

“What? Where are you then?”

“I just got to the main entrance.” Yunjin groaned and turned on her heels as she started to walk her way back to the main entrance. “How do you lose her?”

“I’m not the one who lost her, Y/n always gets distracted and loses us, plus I can’t see her in this crowd, she’s too short.” Yunjin snorted at that, she knew her best friend like the back of her palm and how she could see something and walk off from everyone else without a word. The 5’3 flyer was good at getting lost.

“I can see you–your hair.” The ginger's eyes started to search as she was approaching the main entrance.

Chaewon stopped in her tracks as the captain she had glanced at a good minute ago was no longer beside her. She kind of sensed that it couldn’t be too good; she had the cheer captain's bow.

Her eyes searched through the crowd of people, but her height did no justice. The next best thing that came to mind was to stand still and hope that they would run into her while she tried to get her phone out of her pocket.

Just as she fumbled out her phone, her head snapped up, “Chaewon!” A smile unknowingly tugged on her lips as she saw Y/n quickly running over to her. The girl in the cheer uniform made her stomach nervously flutter ever since she first talked to her and that usually was the case with pretty girls. However, that feeling passed after a few hours of talking, but that little flutter was slowly developing into a crush instead of disappearing and Chaewon was fully aware of it.

She did feel guilty about it though; Yunjin and Y/n were in a relationship or dating, one of those. The girl didn’t know which, but either way she didn’t want to get in the way. Well, she hadn’t asked, but she was quite sure because everyone was close in the friend group, but the two seemed to be more than just friends. From Chaewon’s point of view at least.

“I lost Zuha, I don’t have my phone and Jen has my bow–” The girl went on talking as she grabbed hold of Chaewon’s hand and pulled her to the side, away from the walking crowd. She bit on her lower lip to get rid of the smile she became painfully aware of. “Where’s Jen?”

“Uhm–I lost her, but I have the bow.”

Y/n turned around and Chaewon showed her the bow in her hand, making the distress on Y/n’s face wash away, being replaced by a smile. This time the smile was directed solely towards Chaewon and it made her chest fill up like an air balloon with how much warmth spread through her, all running up to her cheeks.

“You’re my saviour today–” The girl was about to reach for it but stopped, “could you help me put it on, I don’t have a mirror and will mess it up.”

Chaewon wanted to argue that the girl could do it once she was back with her team or have Kazuha or Yunjin help her simply because her hands were trembling and she was scared she would mess it up. The last thing she wanted was to get even more awkward even if it was only coming from her side.

However, she knew that she didn’t have the heart to deny the girl nor did Y/n have the time to wait around as the performance started soon.

The girl hummed with a nod and sucked on her lower lip as Y/n stepped closer to her, tilting her head down. Chaewon was probably an inch and a half taller, managing to reach just fine.

“You know how to do it, right?” The question made her look down at Y/n as she reached for the already-done ponytail. This was probably the closest she had been to the girl and it was making her even more nervous, especially when Y/n looked up at her through her lashes.

She gave a short hum and nod of affirmation–again–the girl in front of her let out a breathless chuckle. Chaewon did her best to keep her attention on Y/n’s hair as she pulled the ponytail through the tie, making sure the bow stayed in place the whole time.

“How are you feeling about the game on Friday?”

She glanced away from the hair for a second, seeing that Y/n was looking up at her the whole time, it was making her feel warm.

“Shouldn’t I ask how you are feeling about the performance you have coming up?” Chaewon asked back.

Her first game on the team was next week despite not being on the starting lineup or getting to play much she was still more and more jittery the closer the game was.

Y/n subtly shook her head. “I don’t like talking about them right before, makes me too nervous…I like to pretend that I’m here to be part of the audience until we are on the stage.”

“Okay–” She acknowledged, licking her lower lip as she concentrated with her eyes back on the ponytail. “I’ve always been comfortable on the field, but I’ve played on the same team for years so I’m kind of scared even if I might not play much.” The girl couldn’t help but admit, trusting Y/n to carry these words with tenderness as she didn’t have anyone to open up to anymore. Chaewon felt alienated no matter how welcomed she had been, she had yet to get close enough to anyone to open up but Y/n made it easy.

There was a pull towards her and her aura; one that made words slip past lips much easier.

“Do you think that’s because you still have to get more comfortable with your teammates or with the fact that you’re playing on your home field even though it doesn’t feel like home?”

The words made Chaewon stop for a second and look Y/n in the eye again as she hadn’t been able to tell what it was that made her feel scared when the field had always been her home; her comfort. Y/n just made it clear for her; the exact problem was that it had always been a home when she played in her old jersey, with her old team and this had yet to start feeling like a home.

“I think that’s it, everything feels foreign even though I’ve gotten accustomed to how you guys play, it feels like something is off.”

Y/n hummed at that.

“I think that once you get on the field during an actual game, adrenaline will make you feel right at home like this is right where you belong…it will happen so quick you will only realise it after.”

She pulled away from the cheerleader, the sweet scent fainter as her senses were being filled by the dull air of the centre again. The words made her think about it, trying to figure out if that would be the case, it sounded too simple.

“You think so?” Chaewon asked, her hands fiddling with the loose material of her jeans as she watched Y/n who made sure the bow was secure.

“Yeah, your home is where the ball is no matter who you play for.”

It suddenly made sense to Chaewon who smiled as Y/n had managed to change her perception of things and it made the tension wash away. If anything, Chaewon was now looking forward to the game to finally be able to find her home again by playing where the ball was.

“Thank you for that, I needed someone to talk to about it—I like talking to you.” She felt herself blush at her own words, unable to recall when she was so easily flustered by someone, let alone by the words that left her lips. Her hands clutched onto the material of her jeans as Y/n smiled even bigger at her.

“Well, I don’t mind helping and you have my number if you want to talk.”

Chaewon didn’t get to get another word in though as her heart started to sling around in her chest and they were joined by the other two. The girl remembered that she maybe should try to avert her eyes away from Y/n when the girl was engulfed in a hug by Yunjin.

“Where were you?” The shorter girl complained and Yunjin pulled away from their brief hug, a frown graced her features for a split second at the bow in Y/n’s hair that she always helped her with. However, she dropped it because she knew that Y/n always relied on Yunjin’s presence before her performances—the ginger was Y/n’s cheerleader—and she didn’t have much time left now.

It wasn’t talk though, just her presence alone and she had no clue why and neither did the cheerleader have an explanation when she asked aside from it being her Jen.

“I was looking for you–” She wanted to continue but couldn’t let go of the thought that she hadn’t helped Y/n with her bow. It wasn’t the end of the world, but it was part of a habit, it was like a ritual before every competition that they had done since they were kids. “When did you put this on?” Yunjin curiously asked, her fingers doing a minor change to the bow and Y/n looked up through her lashes at her hand.

“Chaewon helped me because we’re short on time–” They truly were short on time when Kazuha linked her arm with Y/n and pulled her away from Yunjin.

“We have to go, Yeonjun texted that the coach needs us all together,” Kazuha informed them as they were already walking away.

Yunjin only waved, knowing that Y/n didn’t like it when someone wished her luck or talked about the performance beforehand.

“Sorry for losing you like that.” She apologised to the girl beside her as she had only realised that Chaewon wasn’t with her once she reached Kazuha.

“It’s fine, it wasn’t for too long.” Yunjin chuckled at that with a nod before they made their way to Jimin and Yujin.

Chaewon found herself in an even bigger crowd once they had made it to the other two and not long after she got to see the cheer performance of her life. Of course, the school’s team did great, but even the cheerleaders at her old school didn’t cheer as well as Yunjin did beside her while they watched them perform.

She was sure she hadn’t seen two more lovesick people when they won and she watched Y/n run right into Yunjin’s arms. Chaewon watched from the sidelines as Y/n clung onto Yunjin who practically carried the girl. She congratulated the other two people she was close to from the cheer team, Yeonjun and Kazuha.

What caught her attention were Yeonjun’s words.

“I’ve never seen two more annoying best friends, the love makes me want to throw up.”

It made her frown and look at them in confusion, but Yeonjun was already talking to someone else and Y/n had walked over to her.

Best friends? Love? It could mean so many things, couldn’t it?

Had Chaewon read too much into their relationship? However, two best friends could be in a relationship, couldn’t they? The longer she observed them the more confused she grew as the signals weren’t mixed, but clear, however; clear with what intentions? Were they together?

Chaewon was too shy to forwardly ask, especially if she was right and they were a couple. She didn’t need Yunjin to assume that she had a crush on Y/n–she did, but that was her secret–it would be awkward and she didn’t need to lose friends she just made.

Loud.

Loud was one of the only words that could fill her head as she nervously fiddled with the polyester of her white shorts. She was benched, but that didn’t mean that her nerves weren’t spiked as she watched the team play. The crowd on the bleachers was loud and the only few times her eyes drifted away from the ball was when the cheer team would motivate the team and make the crowd even louder.

One cheerleader still stuck out to her. God, Y/n stuck out like a sore thumb in Chaewon’s eyes after knowing her for two weeks and she was stuck in a dilemma. Was she supposed to forget about her crush or keep crushing in secret even if Y/n wore Yunjin’s varsity jacket with the number 8 and the girl’s last name? It wasn’t like her crush was hurting anyone as long as she kept it to herself, and if it did, the only person it would hurt was Chaewon.

It made her space out once again, her eyes losing the ball and getting stuck on the setting sun in the distance as the crowd's noise disappeared.

It wasn’t right, she was sure that if Y/n and Yunjin weren’t in a relationship, they at least had to be dating while slowly pursuing something with how close they were.

However, Y/n made her feel so at home in a foreign place that she sometimes doubted her assumptions because of how close she was to the girl. The cheer captain was hard to crack with how affectionate and caring she was.

Y/n was caring, kind, observant to the people around her, intelligent, athletic, pretty, and bright—Chaewon realised that she was starting to list things about Y/n in her head once again and it made her feel guilty once she remembered how Yunjin and Y/n looked at each other.

Ideally, she would want to date the girl and slowly pursue something more than friends while they were still getting to know each other so it wouldn’t be a deal breaker if she confessed as a friend. It seemed perfect since they had just met. Or maybe she could set a standard to find someone like the girl?

It did not matter how many times she tried not to, Chaewon kept spacing out with the same difficult thoughts.

She cursed Y/n for bringing her such comfort yet she was more than thankful.

Would it be wrong to test the waters because as far as Chaewon knew some people still went out with others during the early stages of dating? Just to show her gratitude.

But Yunjin; Chaewon found a great friend in the captain.

She had yet to get the clear meaning behind the words Yeonjun said a week ago.

Chaewon jumped, flinching at the cold hand that brushed over her arm.

“Oh–I’m sorry?” Her eyes widened as she looked to her side at Y/n who let out a small laugh at the reaction. That momentary coldness she felt disappeared as heat ran over her whole body, certainly leaving her ears redder than they already were.

“It’s fine, I didn’t notice you.” Chaewon breathed out, rubbing her clammy palms against the fabric of her shorts. She looked around to see that the cheerleaders had spread out, seemingly taking a break for a few minutes. Her gaze went back to Y/n and her stomach flipped when she remembered the thoughts that she just had.

She scooted a bit closer to her teammate to make some more space for the cheerleader on the bench. Amidst the fresh scent of the green grass that had been watered, the scent she had grown familiar with danced its way around her as Y/n sat down beside her. Chaewon froze, glancing down as their knees touched and she tried her best to pay attention to what Y/n was saying.

“I noticed you spacing out and thought that it could have been because of what we talked about.”

Y/n truly was observant and it was admirable, but now Chaewon had to lie because she couldn’t tell the girl that she was daydreaming about her.

“Oh–well…kind of, there’s just a lot on my mind lately.”

“Do you want to talk about it or get your mind off of it? Maybe the latter considering the circumstances.”

She chuckled at the girl's words and nodded her head because the last thing she needed was to get her head occupied with more stuff in case she would be called to sub in.

“What are your plans for the weekend?”

“I don’t have any yet, well–” Chaewon stopped for a second to contemplate whether or not she should ask if Y/n wanted to hang out. However, did Chaewon want it to be a normal hangout? Not really unless Y/n wasn’t truly single. “Probably practise some on my own.”

Chaewon decided to wait until she knew what exactly Y/n and Yunjin were.

“You’re like Yunjin, you two could probably head together.”

Chaewon looked down at her cleats as she grabbed hold of the bench, almost jolting at how she brushed her hand over Y/n’s for a second. She seemed to be the only one to notice as the cheerleader was looking over the field.

“You two are close.” The girl pointed out the obvious and tilted her head to the side to look at Y/n. She watched how the smile grew slightly bigger at the mention and she understood that even if she wanted to she didn’t stand a chance if just the mention of Yunjin made Y/n smile that big.

“We’ve been there for each other for so long, Jen means the world to me—she’s my person and always will be.”

Yet Chaewon couldn’t help but admire it, wishing to have something similar with someone. Y/n looked at her and giggled, Chaewon catching the small tint of pink that shaded the girl's cheeks, but the same happened with hers as she had been staring at the girl once again.

She was worried it would become obvious soon enough.

Yunjin took a deep breath as she had been in her headspace the whole time, fully indulged in the field and game. She could feel the sweat dripping down her forehead, whatever loose hair strands that fell from her ponytail were sticking to her skin.

The score was still 0 - 0 and she knew that they weren’t aiming for a draw or a simply good game. That was not what the coach wanted, their coach was harsh at times, but it always came with the best results.

Yunjin would always beat herself up though, but it was her dream and dreams meant sacrificing even a piece of herself.

If they lost or had a draw then they didn’t do their best.

That was why she could only spare the person she had been dreaming about for the past three years a second long glance as she was waiting for a throw-in from one of their defenders.

That godforsaken feeling of longing, love and fear still slipped through her strongly made facade that she put up on the field when she saw Y/n laughing with Chaewon. Y/n made all her walls crumble so easily.

It made her exhale deeply to try and wash away that tinge of jealousy she felt. At the back of her head, she knew that this skinny love maybe wouldn’t last or maybe wasn’t even real and that any could sweep away her biggest dream.

Y/n was becoming closer to Chaewon, not as close as she was with Yunjin, but it gave her zero reassurance. Yunjin couldn’t tell if she was close as in best friends or close as in love with Y/n anymore, she hated thinking about being the only one. Yet she couldn’t find out as she bit her tongue and focused back on the game when the ball got thrown to one of the midfielders.

Chaewon’s conversation with Y/n was interrupted as the crowd started to cheer louder, the two joining in anticipation as they watched the midfielders create a perfect opportunity for the forwards when the ball got passed to Yujin. The captain was open as she was quicker on her legs than the defender who was tailing her.

It was a perfect opportunity to finally set a score of 1 - 0 in the last 15 minutes of the game when Yujin lobbed the ball over to Yunjin.

All that loud cheering turned into furious' ‘boos’’ and shouts of disapproval and dissatisfaction at the late tackle that ended with Yujin on the ground and the whistle being blown amidst the wail of pain.

Chaewon widened her eyes with her heart racing, unsure if it was because of what just happened to Yujin who was aided right away or the coach telling her to quickly warm up to get on the field.

It wasn’t long until Yujin was being assisted off of the field to get taken to the hospital, giving Chaewon a thumbs up despite the tears in her eyes.

She felt jittery once again, the loud cheers that were erupted by the cheer team going right back to bring up the spirit of everyone. It put so much more on her than she already felt as she got on the field with her heart jumping without a stop against her ribcage like a bouncy ball.

Yunjin was worried, to say the least, she hadn’t played long with Chaewon but she’d seen the girl's skills and she was good. However, she had no clue how well she worked under pressure, especially in important games. She wasn’t doubting Chaewon, the girl used to be a starting striker and captain just like Yunjin.

The worries of both girls’ disappeared right after the whistle blew and the game was back in play after the free kick. Something sparked within the both of them, seemingly sending the spark to each other as chemistry kindled between the two.

Yunjin always excelled, going beyond what was the limit and she took notice of the fire in Chaewon who pushed beyond a different limit, one she wasn’t sure she could push. Any other day she would see it as a threat–especially as the captain and with Chaewon’s old position and title–but she couldn’t, not when they were attacking the goal once again, creating a perfect opening with a few minutes left.

If they missed this opportunity they would have to try and push for a goal during overtime instead of wasting it to keep their winning score.

So the ball got lobbed over to Yunjin who ran into the penalty area the second the ball crossed the line. It wasn’t a hard decision, it never would be because she would never be selfish on the field. She had the opportunity to score a goal; Yunjin half-volleyed it over to Chaewon who had a better opportunity to score.

Y/n had been right all along and Chaewon hadn’t smiled as big as she did now ever since she landed at JFK airport when she scored. Her body was engulfed in the thrashing hugs of her teammates. Maybe she could find a home here after all as the adrenaline made her feel like she was floating in her zone of comfort again.

The bitter taste in her mouth was no longer present, replaced by the sweet sound of the whistleblowing not long after; winning 1 - 0.

“Huh and Kim.” The two girls didn’t get to join the celebration of their teammates for longer than a few minutes before being called by their coach.

Their chests were still heaving with exhaustion and the coursing adrenaline in their veins as they glanced at each other in confusion. The people around them celebrated, the people dissipating from the bleachers to congratulate the team and head home, the clock striking 9 P.M.

“Great play from the both of you, especially at the end—I just finished talking to Yujin’s dad and as it’s looking right now she won’t be playing.” The two nodded, feeling relief at the praise, but concerned at their teammate's state who was at the hospital.

“What happened?” Yunjin asked, her forearm coming up and wiping away the sweat before it would trickle down to her eyes.

“It looks like a sprained ankle so she won’t be able to play for the rest of the season which brings us here—” Yunjin glanced over at Chaewon who was attentively listening to the woman in front of them. “Chaewon will be part of the starting lineup as a second striker for the rest of the season, the decision is made based on skill.” The ginger knew that their spare second striker wasn’t nearly as good as Yujin and that Chaewon was perhaps–definitely–better than Yujin herself.

The coach nodded, dismissing the two as she walked away.

“I hope we can work with a perfect dynamic both on and off the field, Chaewon,” Yunjin said, turning to look at the shorter girl. The new starter parted her lips before closing her mouth, hesitating about what to say which Yunjin had grown used to as Chaewon was still getting comfortable around them.

She smiled at the girl and stretched out her hand and Chaewon accepted it with a smile. “I will do my best—” They gently squeezed before letting go and Chaewon grew the courage to compliment her captain. “It was a great assist on your part, thank you for the opportunity.”

“Always, we’re a team and I will always prioritise our whole team over my desire to score goals.” The two laughed at Yunjin’s words as they headed over to the huddle of cheerleaders, teammates, and other students while talking with each other.

The thoughts of competing with each other disappeared as they worked better together than against each other.

“You two did so well, that pass and goal were–” The rest of the cheer captain's words were muffled as her face ended up in Yunjin’s jersey who grabbed hold of her best friend when she jumped into her arms. It warmed Yunjin as she smiled, squeezing Y/n in her arms.

“Thank you, pretty girl, but your cheering kept us going,” Yunjin replied and Y/n pulled away with a grin.

“What about us?” Yeonjun questioned and Jimin was right behind him, holding the camera—pictures for the senior yearbook—Kazuha jogging over to the rest.

“I guess you guys did okay.” She said with a shrug, receiving dirty looks from the two cheer members. The warmth from her arms disappeared and her eyes trailed over to Y/n to see the girl grab hold of Chaewon’s hand and pull her over to them.

“Do we leave for the beach?” Jimin questioned.

Chaewon’s head perked up, looking away from the hand that was clasping onto hers but Y/n let go once they reached the group.

The rest agreed and Y/n turned to her with a smile. “We usually head to the beach after with a few more people to celebrate, you included. Do you need a ride?”

It wasn’t long before she was sitting on the beach after being squeezed into one of the few cars as there were probably a dozen other students. The sun was just about to disappear fully, the weather was more chilly by the beach, the girl in a pair of loose jeans, a hoodie and her varsity jacket with the number 52 on it and her last name.

She had been sitting and talking with mostly Jimin who was sitting beside her on one of the blankets, Yeonjun joining in as he sat across from them on a beach chair he looked two times too tall for. Kazuha had dozed off on Jimin’s shoulder just an hour after they arrived. A small campfire–one of the two where another group was sitting occasionally butting into their conversations–kept them warmer while keeping the atmosphere.

The shore where the waves gently brushed was also filled with laughter and shouts as a soccer ball was passed around as they played rondo. Part of that circle was Yunjin and in the middle with a guy was Y/n, running around and trying to get possession of the ball.

Chaewon hadn’t had the chance to talk much more to Y/n after they drove off.

She was a wallflower; Y/n was a social butterfly.

She’d argue that they were two worlds apart, but she was proven wrong as butterflies were always drawn to flowers. Y/n had approached her the first day and had continued to do so—

“Are Y/n and Yunjin together?” It barely made it past the ocean breeze, gentle waves, laughter and crackling fire as she mumbled the words into the air, they almost managed to get blown away by it. Her fingers fiddled with the soda in her hands, nervous to say the least as her heart pounded at the question she asked.

—but as much as butterflies were drawn to flowers, they also danced among each other the way Y/n and Yunjin did.

She glanced at Jimin who hummed, the girl looking at her and what she got in return was a breathless chuckle.

“Does it look like it?” Chaewon shrugged at the question, watching as Yunjin ran away from the circle after tunnelling the ball between Y/n’s legs, the cheerleader chasing right after her.

Their relationship was contagious and it made Chaewon smile, wondering if there was someone like that out there for her. Yunjin was more than lucky, she envied it but not in a bad way, she only wished to find happiness in a new place. She kind of had, but people always wanted more than they had, didn’t they?

“They look like the type that went from best friends to lovers.” She admitted.

Their dynamic reminded her of two best friends while also having that extra step that made her believe that they were more. Those affectionate gestures, the way they looked at each other and held each other, those glances and touches she had taken notice of.

Chaewon rested her elbows on her knees, the soda can in hand as she spun the tab around with her finger. Her eyes left the two girls as Y/n tackled Yunjin onto the sand, their laughter being almost obnoxiously loud. They landed on Jimin who had been looking at the two and now looked at Chaewon with a slightly confused frown that disappeared as she shook her head with a smile.

“They are the first but not the second.”

Chaewon frowned. “So they aren’t dating either?” She asked, wondering if they were in the stages of trying to pursue something. That guilt she felt for crushing on someone her new friend was with slowly started to disappear when the girl beside her shook her head.

“Nope, they’ve been best friends since middle school—” She watched as Jimin looked over at the two girls before looking back at her. “You’re crushing on one of them, aren’t you?” She teasingly asked and Chaewon took in a deep breath and held it, a blush dancing its way onto her cheeks and ears.

Her knee got nudged by Jimin’s and she exhaled the breath that she was holding. “Y/n kind of caught my attention I guess.” She shyly mumbled, letting her hair fall and cover more of her face as she stared down at the blanket under her.

“I’m vouching for you and if you need some good vouching, there’s no one better than Yunjin.” It made sense because who would be better than Y/n’s best friend? She could maybe look for some moral support and help. Chaewon knew that if the two were best friends she would need as much of Yunjin’s trust as she needed Y/n’s.

“Ugh, there’s like a whole sandbox in my shoes.” Y/n groaned.

“I guess that’s what happens when you go to the beach and start tackling people,” Yunjin replied, looking at the girl who was sitting beside her on the sand after tackling her.

Y/n gasped and tilted her head, “does it, Jen?” She mocked and Yunjin chuckled as the girl gave her a light shove as she slipped her shoe back on after emptying it of sand.

The wind blew colder and she watched the way Y/n’s hair blew out of her face, the girl still brushing away some strays that got in the way. Yunjin felt herself hold back a shiver, knowing that the smaller girl was cold as she only had a long sleeve and no jacket. It made her manoeuvre around, the girl giving her a confused hum as she looked back at Yunjin.

“Why are you always so underdressed?” She genuinely asked as she couldn’t remember a single time the girl had dressed according to the weather. It earned her a small chuckle as she settled behind Y/n who leaned back into Yunjin, having the girl sit between her legs. The striker adjusted her varsity jacket and covered Y/n with it too before hugging around her shoulders to keep her warm and to simply be close to the cheerleader.

Yunjin no longer paid attention to the way her heart constricted before exploding as she had grown used to it after all these years. Especially after coming to terms at the beginning of high school that she was in love with Y/n. A small smile rested on her lips as she propped her chin up on top of Y/n’s head, cupping the cold hands that had started to fiddle with her fingers.

After a minute of silence, she got her reply.

“‘Cause it always ends with you hugging me or letting me borrow your clothes. I like that.”

Yunjin was so in love that it hurt and it hurt more each time she bit her tongue to prevent herself from saying it out loud to her best friend. It made her heart twist and pump extra hard, sending warmth throughout her whole body; each time it happened she felt at home.

That warmth she felt with Y/n was the warmth of a home.

She wanted to believe that neither said anything to make sure that it stayed this way forever. Yunjin wanted to be stuck in this moment forever even if she wasn’t in a relationship with Y/n at this moment. She could be stuck in a moment like this forever simply because it was just them and she never would have to worry that someone or something could ruin it. It was like a safe space where she knew that she had Y/n and would be the only one to hold her.

Yunjin was also aware that time didn’t stop, not even for love.

“I can do that without you possibly getting sick.” She mumbled. The girl in her arms hummed as their fingers tangled with each other. Yunjin stared ahead at the ocean before them, hoping to find them on the horizon; that somehow her dreams would happen.

She lifted her head as Y/n turned the slightest in her hold and their eyes met. A smile on her best friend's lips whose hand found its way to the necklace she was wearing, toying with the pendant all while bringing Yunjin closer. It was these moments when Y/n pulled her even closer, where she looked Yunjin in the eye in a serene silence that brought them to Eden. It was these moments that made the girl believe that Y/n was in love when she just silently looked her in the eye.

Yunjin dreamed of getting rid of her bad habits where her mouth was glued shut, where she bit her tongue as it got tied when she was around the girl no matter how much those three words bubbled in her stomach. She dreamed of it being Y/n’s lips that glued her mouth shut by pressing against hers, that it was the girl biting her tongue, tying it with hers, but how did she tell that to Y/n?

She always wondered what it was that Y/n saw and looked for in these moments with the way she waited. Was she waiting for Yunjin? Or did the soccer captain look too much into it? Was she looking at just a best friend or someone she wanted more with just like the striker did?

Doubts, fears, worries, and insecurities all made her mouth get stitched together.

The ginger watched as Y/n’s gaze dropped, falling to the pendant of the necklace around her neck. Yunjin’s life would be mundane without Y/n in it, the girl who drove her insane in so many ways and there was no one else she could see herself as in love with.

“I’m lucky to have you.” Was what finally left the girl’s lip with a tired giggle after.

“I think I’m luckier,” Yunjin replied as the girl dropped her head, resting it under Yunjin’s chin who hugged her closer around her shoulders to shield Y/n from the wind.

“Yeah, you are.” She chuckled at the words, smiling as she knew how lucky she was to have Y/n as her best friend. Yunjin knew that she was one of the luckiest people on earth by getting to feel Y/n’s love no matter in what form it came and with what intentions. She also knew how lucky she was to have the chance to fall in love with her best friend, to love her even if it was in silence.

The sun was out and warming up the day, the grass on the field was not as green as the grass on the school’s field. It held a yellowish hue to it at certain spots on the enclosed soccer field. There was a gentle breeze of cold and Yunjin kicked the ball, the sound of it hitting the crossbar echoed through the air and she huffed a breath of exhaustion.

“You’re a surprisingly good playmaker for a centre forward.”

“I used to be a second striker,” Yunjin replied as the ball smoothly glided between her feet and she walked over to where Chaewon was sitting on the grass with her water bottle. “Then our main striker quit and I became captain and main striker because of skill plus my height.” She proceeded to explain.

Yunjin put her hands into the pockets of the trainer she had on to not get too cold in just shorts. She carefully juggled the ball as she stood a few feet away from Chaewon. It was slightly after 1 PM and they had been doing 101 drills after Y/n suggested to ask Chaewon.

Aside from that, Yunjin wanted to get closer to the new girl, so the best option was to ask Chaewon to hang out.

Chaewon was starting to become a close friend like she was with her other friends. There wasn’t anything to complain about, especially with how much they had in common and would play alongside each other for a whole season.

“Coach was sceptical of putting me as the main striker, thought I was better suited for second–” Chaewon started. “Mostly because of my height.”

Yunjin looked over at the girl who smiled up at her, chuckling as she nodded her head at the words. “I think we can make the most out of the current lineup.”

Chaewon hummed at that as she put her water bottle down, slightly tugging onto the sleeves of the compression shirt she had under her jersey. It was a surprise when she got a text from Yunjin in the morning, asking if she wanted to practise some drills.

That feeling of possibly being alienated had started to fully dissipate.

She busied her fingers by pulling onto the strands of grass, the soft thuds of Yunjin juggling the ball filled her ears and she found herself thinking about the same thing once again. It felt like a good idea to tell Y/n’s best friend that she was starting to like the girl.

That thought had passed her mind a few times since last night, especially when she knew that she would spend time with Yunjin alone today.

It could make things easier, especially since Chaewon knew that she was good at holding back because she was shy. She feared she would bite her tongue hard and long enough that by the time she would let go, it would be too late. The last thing she wanted was to regret something because her tongue was tied, but it was hard to simply untie knots of shyness that had been with her since she was little.

She wished she could be more like some people around her and stop biting her tongue; Yunjin felt like a good example from her point of view. The girl always had Y/n’s attention and didn’t shy away.

A deep breath slipped past her lips and she looked up from the grass and at the girl in front of her. There was a mix of anxiety and fear swirling in her stomach, but she forced some courage into it, trying to think of how she only would live once and this was her senior year.

It was truly difficult and it got only harder the more she started to think about it; the more she would overthink, the more reasons came up not to do it. Dating within a friend group? What if Y/n didn’t find her interesting enough? What if she simply wouldn’t be good enough? That paired with the fact that Y/n’s standard was probably impossibly high seeing how her dynamic worked with her best friend. Was Y/n even into girls?

It all made her want to curl up and hide as the dark gloom of anxiety covered the sky and cast a shadow over her.

Why was liking someone so hard and scary?

She was supposed to drop the pessimism though.

Chaewon couldn’t let up pursuing something with someone whom she grew attracted to in the blink of an eye. What if this was meant to be and she would waste it because she was scared and shy? That seemed to be the dealbreaker.

“Would you vouch for me if I liked someone you know and are close with?”

“Yeah of course, why wouldn’t I?” Yunjin replied right away after the momentary silence that had fallen between them. It was a bit surprising to hear the girl be this straightforward, especially after seeing Chaewon hold back and shy away often. It let Yunjin know that she was comfortable with her.

Yunjin obviously would vouch for her new friend and she couldn’t deny it because Chaewon was truly a great person and friend even if they had known each other for only two weeks.

She got a hum from the girl, her eyes darting between the ball that she was juggling and Chaewon on the grass. Yunjin was about to ask who it was; her mind swirled with the people Chaewon had gotten close with and she was about to utter the words ‘Is it Jimin or Zuha?’ Maybe even Yeonjun no matter how insufferable he could be at times. However, Chaewon was much quicker and Yunjin’s world possibly crumbled into pieces even quicker.

“Okay, ‘cause it’s Y/n.”

The ball dropped, Yunjin felt her heart fall right with it and she couldn’t force a breath out for what felt like hours but was a few seconds. Unable to breathe for the few seconds that it took for her to register the fact that everything would change.

What had yet to come was the acceptance of how everything would change.

How did she come to terms with losing someone she loved and being nothing more than best friends forever? How did she accept the fact that she would possibly never get to know or get to tell?

Once she was able to get a shaky breath out she realised that they were growing quicker than usual. Something was wrong, something definitely was wrong as a fire that destroyed everything in its way started in her make-believe world where it was her and Y/n forever whether they uttered it out loud or not.

She was so set on her make-believe world that Chaewon liking the girl she loved didn’t cross her mind because in her head it was Y/n and Yunjin even if it wasn’t written for everyone to see.

“What?” Yunjin’s voice was laced with confusion, that confusion wasn’t directed at Chaewon liking Y/n. That confusion was directed towards her dreams, that stupid horizon where their dream started. Had Yunjin been stupid enough to think that the horizon was reachable?

That confusion was the uncertainty of what was next. What came next if Yunjin was in love, but too scared to confess because she didn’t want to lose a best friend, but neither did she want to lose a possible lover to someone else? Lose her by not telling her the truth before someone else gets the chance before Chaewon could unknowingly steal Yunjin’s dream.

“Huh?” Chaewon squinted her eyes as the sun peeked out from behind the clouds that were starting to clear from the sky. Her hand came up to her face to shield her eyes as she looked at Yunjin.

“Huh?” Was all that Yunjin could utter back, her hands jitterly pulling at her trainer as she started to feel uneasy at the fear growing in her.

“Y/n, I like her.” She repeated, assuming that Yunjin didn’t hear what she had said at first. Chaewon repeated them firmly, but that didn’t mean that she wasn’t crumbling on the inside because she was unsure of Yunjin’s reaction or if the captain would consider her enough for Y/n.

“Oh.” That security disappeared from Yunjin’s life and was replaced by what she knew would be a constant fear of losing Y/n to someone else because of an even bigger fear.

It made Yunjin crouch down before she sat down fully in front of Chaewon. Her eyes darted around, trying to find something to look at that could distract her from the forlornness and apprehension.

“Yeah.”

“That’s…” There were no words for her to describe what she felt let alone words to say to Chaewon who just admitted to liking the girl she had been in love with since middle school. The girl she had accepted she was in love with at the start of high school. The girl she had wanted to confess to since then, but had always been too scared because of what a high-risk gamble it was.

“Honestly, I was hesitant until last night at the beach after I asked Jimin about it because I thought you two were together.”

Her eyes briefly darted back to Chaewon who scratched at the back of her neck with a slight frown. Was Yunjin being obvious? If so, did Y/n notice it too? She didn’t want Chaewon to think that she as Y/n’s best friend didn’t find her good enough for the girl. At the same time, she didn’t want Chaewon to take the chance.

She was stuck in a dilemma within a dilemma. The captain was starting to drown in despair, her tongue getting tied into a tighter knot than ever before as she so badly wanted to tell Chaewon that she loved Y/n.

“We aren’t but…” Yunjin tried her best to push through, she was fighting for it, but it made her heartbeat worse than it was a second ago. The thought of losing a best friend felt just as scary as losing a possible lover. Her hands balled up the material of her shorts as she stared down at the grass, letting her hair fall and cover the frown on her face all while listening to Chaewon talk.

“I didn’t want to get in the way of anything and I was worried because–” Yunjin’s chest felt heavy and it only got heavier with all these suppressed feelings that grew like a garden. “Well, I wouldn’t stand a chance against you and it’s not like I ever wanted to see you as competition over a girl so I would get over my crush on Y/n if that was the case…I didn’t want to ruin our friendship either since I like where it’s heading.”

“Chaewon…” She didn’t manage to push anything out, there was a lump in Yunjin’s throat that wasn’t letting her speak. Those suppressed feelings she always refused to let out were blocking her airways.

“It’s a relief, now I stand a chance, you know?”

“Chaewon, I–” She looked up at the girl who had a small smile on her face and Yunjin smiled back at her while feeling how her heart was being pierced by thorns. It felt like she was being mocked by her feelings, laughed at by her own heart for being so stupid. This was her chance to make sure that her new friend would get over her crush on Y/n.

“I think you stood a chance right from the start.”

However, Yunjin didn’t stand the slightest chance against her fears and so Chaewon didn’t have much to worry about from the start.

Now each day that Yunjin woke up was filled with such fear and dread that she didn’t want to wake up. Yunjin not only woke up afraid but went to bed even more scared, fearing that when she woke up she would do so to heart-shattering news.

The week went by with Yunjin feeling sick, her heart ached and she felt lost in the sea of choices that she had. There were so many that she could make yet it felt like she had no choices at all. Who was hurting her? It wasn’t Y/n. It wasn’t Chaewon. Yunjin was hurting herself.

Slowly she started to take notice of how over the week Chaewon had already started to make subtle moves despite her shy nature. Yunjin now saw how easily flustered the girl got and how giggly Y/n was with her too. With each time she took a deep breath, bit down on her lower lip, gazed at the girl she was in love with and reminded herself of how Y/n would forever be her best friend and that that’s something that should make her feel over the moon.

Yet all it did was make her happy and ache in pain because she would always have Y/n, but not in the way she wanted to have the girl. It was frustrating, especially because of the agony it caused her.

She knew that Y/n wasn’t spending less time with her because she wasn’t and Yunjin would never mind Y/n spending time with someone else. The problem was that Y/n was spending time with someone who liked her, someone Yunjin said she would vouch for yet every time Chaewon’s name left Y/n’s lips she couldn’t do more than hum because her voice had started to strain from the suppressed feelings.

What used to be Yunjin walking Y/n to class started to feel like Yunjin dragging herself after Chaewon and her best friend. However, it felt like reassurance every time Y/n would tangle her fingers with Yunjin’s fingers while walking in the middle. Her eyes paying attention to the other girl who would talk before looking over at Yunjin with a smile that made her smile right back.

What type of reassurance was Y/n giving her? Was Y/n sensing that something was off? Yunjin didn’t want to be obvious, but she also wished she knew if that was reassurance of her not being replaced or reassurance of their skinny love going to last for years on end.

She was already reassured that she would never be replaced and she would never doubt that. What she did doubt was the fantasy she had lived in that she still hoped was true. Y/n loved her back.

Yet it lay heavily on her chest whenever she saw Y/n and Chaewon together.

Her eyes kept glancing towards the open door of the classroom, not paying much mind to anyone else around her. It had been a month since Chaewon transferred, tomorrow would be two weeks since Yunjin’s stomach started turning and throat close up.

It was hard to move at times, scared she would do the wrong thing, say the wrong thing because of how she had been forcing everything to stay inside. That garden of feelings in her lungs was starting to get too big for her to hold in.

Yunjin was holding back the door that was ready to burst open with emotions while constantly sweeping more of them inside.

The second she heard Y/n’s laugh, she felt a mix of relief and fear, knowing that her best friend was near but that she was probably with Chaewon. She and the girl had this class together, the class before was without Y/n who had physics with Chaewon. Yunjin knew that she would see Chaewon walk the girl to class, that was why Y/n wasn’t early like she usually would be so they could talk before class started.

It was hard to hate Chaewon, Yunjin truly had no reason to hate the girl as she watched them outside the classroom. The new girl was perfect and if Yunjin hadn’t been in love with her best friend she would wish for nothing more than for Y/n to be with someone as good as Chaewon.

Maybe she should wish for it right this moment because what if Yunjin wasn’t enough? How could she be when she didn’t dare to even express herself? She always prioritised Y/n’s happiness in the end.

Chaewon was right there and Yunjin too, but even if she was, she knew that it was miles away with how those words couldn’t seem to reach Y/n. They never would as long as she screamed them on the inside.

Y/n laughed, she smiled, her eyes sparkled, that little jump she did when excited, the way she paid attention, and held eye contact; it all hurt from how beautiful Yunjin found it. It hurt even more to think that if she did nothing about her love for Y/n; she wouldn’t be the only cause for those things to be ten times as bright.

She wanted to make Y/n laugh the loudest, smile the biggest, and have her eyes glimmer like water in the sun from love. Yunjin wanted to be the biggest source of happiness as Y/n was hers.

The second she walked in Yunjin straightened her posture and felt that beating of excitement ignite in her heart like it always did. All those worries were suddenly gone as Y/n walked towards her and even if they were in a classroom that was starting to pile up with students; it was just them in Yunjin’s eyes.

Yunjin wished she was more brave, but even the bravest people were scared of losing someone dear to them.

It always made her warm the second Y/n was near her, listening attentively to what her best friend was talking about as she sat down beside her. Lately, Yunjin felt more nervous around Y/n, taking notice of how flustered she felt and the way her heart would beat after growing used to it only for it to plague her again. It was as if she was being mocked by her own body by being reminded of what Y/n made her feel and how she would possibly lose someone who made her feel so much to Chaewon because she was scared.

“Do you have any plans for tomorrow?” She questioned the cheerleader, taking notice of how their knees were brushing against each other; how close they were sitting with her arm grazing Y/n’s now and then.

It was all becoming a clear picture that she had grown so used to she never noticed its details anymore.

Y/n smiled at her, Yunjin was expecting the usual answer since no one had planned anything. “You–” She raised her eyebrows as Y/n didn’t finish what she was about to say, realising a breath as she chuckled. “Chaewon just asked if I wanted to hang out tomorrow.”

Yunjin inhaled before exhaling just as deeply with a pout that disappeared quicker than it appeared. She wouldn’t care, she never did care if Y/n couldn’t hang out with her when she asked or the other way around because it was a given that they would get busy with other people and things at times. It was simply the fact that she wished that Chaewon had never told her about the crush she had grown on Y/n because Yunjin hated the fact that she knew what Chaewon’s intentions were.

It wouldn’t be painful if she hadn’t known; Yunjin would have seen it as nothing more than a friendly hangout and not Chaewon trying to get closer to the girl Yunjin was in love with.

“That’s fine,” she reassured Y/n, her fingers toying with the sleeves of her varsity jacket. Yunjin didn’t mind, she was just scared of where one simple hangout would lead because she still needed some more time to think this through. No matter how scared she was, she needed to be sure that those fears were worth suffocating for.

“I’m sure you can tag along–” Yunjin knew that Y/n’s kindness made the girl oblivious yet she hoped that it was more than kindness and obliviousness towards her. She stopped her, knowing that Chaewon asked just Y/n for a reason. As much as it hurt, Yunjin was a good friend and would continue hurting instead of hurting someone else.

“No, she probably has stuff planned for the two of you…It’s not like there’s no next week.” Somehow it still felt like one of these weeks would be the last ones until Y/n would be swept away from her, ridding Yunjin of any chances to confess if she chose to do so.

Chaewon wasn’t the best at planning, especially if she had yet to get to know Y/n on a deeper level. She took her chances the second she cleared her confusion about Y/n and Yunjin being together. It took away the guilt of crushing on the girl and it made it easier to act out on her feelings. Her gut feeling told her to finally ask the girl out and she did, but she wasn’t brave enough to clarify that she would like to take her on a date.

It was a hangout.

She winged it after getting to know a bit more about Y/n, spending each free moment between them talking and showing interest. The perfect moments were the classes they had together, the few classes she could walk Y/n to and the times she bumped into the girl between periods.

Chaewon did her best to show interest, forcing herself to break down her wall of uncertainty and shyness–still struggling–hoping that she was enough to get Y/n’s attention back. It was more difficult than she would’ve thought as the girl seemed to fall between oblivious and knowing yet playing dumb. Chaewon couldn’t figure it out. Was Y/n getting the hints or was she oblivious to them?

Or maybe it was Chaewon’s fault as she hadn’t dared to be obvious enough either because of how frightening it was to be vulnerable about her feelings, especially as someone closed off and typically shy.

She worked with what she had.

And so she was walking with her hands in her pockets, too nervous to take them out as she kept fiddling with stuff while walking beside Y/n at the aquarium. The enthusiasm and just Y/n in general was making her smile, her little crush was growing gradually, being blown up like a balloon and she had to bite back to not smile too much at certain times.

“Do you miss Austin a lot?” The girl suddenly asked as they reached the moon jellies.

Chaewon felt that stupid longing again and she wasn’t sure why it mattered so much if she was in her senior year and would be moving away to university after. Maybe because it was so sudden and unfair to just be dragged away from her home as it was the last year she would get to spend there. Now once she left for university, when she would visit home it would mean visiting this new home and not the one where she grew up.

Chaewon had left a part of her behind and now wanted to find a way to fill it and build a new part so it wouldn’t be as arduous.

“I do miss it, all the friends I had there, memories, the place where I grew up—” She replied, glancing at Y/n who was crouched down to look closer at the jellyfish. It made Chaewon crouch down too beside the girl, the calmness of the moment, all the moments she had with Y/n filled that empty spot slowly. She assumed that it was because Y/n was the first one to make her feel welcomed and at home whether with words or actions.

It could have been anyone, but she was lucky enough to land on Y/n in the school.

“It will always be my home, Long Island is great but it will never be the place where I grew up.” So much for being a closed-off person, it felt like she was knocking over glasses filled with water when she was with Y/n from how much she so easily let spill from her mouth. She couldn’t seem to seek solace in anyone else.

“It won’t be the same when you visit home now if you leave, will it?” Chaewon rested her arms over her knees and rested her cheek on top of them to keep her gaze on Y/n instead of the jellies. It made her smile at how understood she felt by the girl. It warmed her that the cheerleader did her best to understand even if she had lived in Long Island since she was born.

Chaewon pursed her lips at the smile that grew, the heat that warmed her cheeks and the way her heart started to race. “It won’t unfortunately.” She mumbled, watching how the blue light illuminated Y/n’s beauty, letting her know that there was beauty everywhere in the world and not just where her home was.

Y/n made her heart jump when she was caught looking at the girl, however, she couldn’t look away. The cheer captain didn’t seem to mind being more interesting than the exhibit was to Chaewon.

“We will help you create enough memories during senior year so you have something to come back to and reminisce about.” That was where Chaewon hoped that all her new friends would come in and help, especially Y/n who she hoped she had a chance with. It would be memorable and something she would want to come back to if she was with someone who lived all their life in the state.

“That would be great.” The cheer captain nodded at her words, looking back at the tank with the jellyfish.

“Where are you going after the school year ends?”

“I’m hoping to get scouted by UCLA, that’s where I want to apply either way.” Her words made Y/n look right back at her with a small smile.

“Maybe some of us were destined to meet or we would be brought to each other by fate, depending on what you believe in.”

“Why’s that?” Chaewon questioned, getting back up on her feet as Y/n stood up.

“We’re applying for the same school, Yunjin is hoping for the same as you. So maybe if you hadn’t moved here, we would still meet if we got into the same university—” She walked beside the girl, their shoulders and fingers brushed against each other, making Chaewon grab onto the material of her hoodie. “You know the whole ‘brought to each other by fate’ or ‘destined to meet’,” She chuckled at Y/n’s words, assuming that the girl had no clue how much more they fueled Chaewon.

What if it was meant to be? Chaewon had heard that love had its ways of bringing people who are made for each other together. Maybe that was why she grew attracted the second she saw Y/n. Was it the same for Y/n? What if Y/n would be the one she was going to fall in love with? Her heart started to beat tenfold, her silly little crush growing more serious with each second she thought about it.

It would be best if she stopped indulging in superstitions before she hurt herself.

“How are they coming out?”

Chaewon chuckled as she looked at the latest picture, moving her phone away when the cheerleader tried to get a peek at her screen. “There’s no deleting any.” She established first as she found every picture of the girl overly perfect and memorable. Photogenic was yet another thing the girl was.

Y/n was perfect; it could be Chaewon’s heart eyes, but there truly wasn’t anything to dislike about the girl. There was beauty on the outside which was the first thing Chaewon caught onto when looking at Y/n when she first stepped out onto the field on her first day and then she noticed the beauty on the inside when Y/n first spoke to her and made her feel at home.

“That means that they are bad,” Y/n complained, making her shake her head in disagreement.

“The opposite, I don’t think it’s possible to get a bad picture of you.” It made her laugh when Y/n at last managed to grab hold of her forearm and she let the girl overpower her, bringing down her hand with the phone. Her free hand went up to the girl’s head, petting along the plush penguin beanie the cheerleader had on her head that Chaewon bought for her on their way out of the aquarium.

“You’re being bold today.”

“It’s easier when you look this cute and less intimidating.” She mumbled before flicking the beak of the penguin and taking her phone away from Y/n. Chaewon looked down at her phone and the lock screen flashed open with a new wallpaper. A picture Y/n had taken when she was busy looking at the girl’s beanie, petting her head and Y/n pouting at the camera.

“The cost of keeping those pictures is me and you as your lock screen–” She smiled at those words, something she found herself doing with just the thought of the girl who stood in front of her. “You look cute all engrossed by my beanie.” It made Chaewon look down at her feet and her shoulders slump inwards as she put her phone back into her pocket at those words.

Y/n called her cute.

If only she knew that she was all engrossed by her and not the beanie.

She glanced over at the river they were walking alongside and she thought about it for a second. Just a second and not any longer because if she spent a second longer she would end up overthinking and backing out.

“Y/n…”

“Yeah?” She heaved a sigh as she looked at the cheerleader in front of her. Hands started to nervously twist the material inside her pockets while looking at Y/n who had the sun gently casting its rays on her skin. Her eyes sparkled, dimples prominent as she kept a small smile on her lips while looking Chaewon in the eye–Chaewon trying her best to keep eye contact–waiting.

“Would you mind thinking of this as a date rather than a hangout?” Chaewon’s heart was beating in her ears and she felt like she would get a heatstroke from the waves of warmth that covered her face.

If she hadn’t been gripping inside her pockets her fingers would be trembling with anxiety. This was the boldest and most straightforward she had possibly been and it was twisting her stomach.

“I have to be honest…” That worry grew with those words coming from Y/n. Her eyes widened in fear of rejection and she was starting to regret that she even asked to begin with. Was this it?

“I kind of figured those were the intentions when you insisted on paying and handling everything.”

Chaewon exhaled deeply, relaxing her body while her heart continued to pound because it had yet to calm down like the rest of her. Maybe she had been obvious enough without having to say it. She didn’t manage to utter a single word, still trying to collect herself from the fears she faced while watching Y/n grab hold of the flaps of the beanie while staring up at her.

“What kind of date?”

Chaewon had practised this answer because she didn’t want to move too fast or too slow. After all, there was no way she was the only one in the entire school who was interested in Y/n.

She cleared her throat, getting rid of the trembling it would possibly do.

“A no-pressure date where you don’t have to think about where it’s heading, but rather to get to know each other without having to think about whether you like me or not and just get close for the first few ones before you think about the rest to know for sure if you want anything more or not.”

She was sure that no matter how many times she practised it, she still ended up rambling because she felt out of breath at the end of her sentence. Her wide eyes laid on Y/n, expectant, hoping that what she had said made sense because it did in her head. It did earn her a small giggle which she hoped meant that she was doing something right.

“Okay, but there’s one thing.”

“Of course.” She had never agreed as quickly before, feeling the giddiness grow within her while biting on her lower lip to stop herself from grinning.

“Nothing gets awkward if you ask me to date you and I reject you for any reason. I also think it will be better if you don’t ask for reasons so it doesn’t ruin anything.”

“You sound set on rejecting me. You don’t have to agree out of pity.” Her hands came out of her pockets, pulling her sleeves down and squeezing them to get rid of the clamminess on her palms. She proceeded to scratch at her neck, her anxious habits kicking in right away as her hands were jittery. The possibility of it being out of pity hung in the air as she watched Y/n shake her head.

“I’m not, I just don’t want a possible friendship getting ruined if it doesn’t come to anything.” She could get behind that considering they were still getting to know each other and it could either evolve into a friendship or something more from this point.

“Okay–” A calmness finally washed over her as they stood by the river, taking in a deep breath as she gazed over Y/n’s slightly flushed face before she looked at the hands that were clutching on the flaps of the beanie.

“Can I hold your hand then?” The blushing was starting to get overwhelming for Chaewon, but she couldn’t help but push herself as she was beginning to get comfortable with it the more she did.

“Yeah, what else do you usually initiate on a first date, Chaewon?” Shivers danced along her hot body when Y/n let go of the flaps and slid her hand into Chaewon’s properly for the first time. Her brain ignored all her other worries she had about holding Y/n’s hand as they started to walk, only being able to think about the fact that she was holding her hand.

“Hand holding and hugs…Maybe a kiss on the cheek from you if you enjoyed it.” She mumbled the words into the air as she watched their hands.

“You’re so sly.” Chaewon wanted to squeal–she would once she got home–when Y/n stopped and placed a small peck on her already scorching cheek before she pulled her to continue walking along the lake while holding hands.

Saturday was game day with Chaewon’s first game on the starting lineup and Yunjin wasn’t worried after all the drills they had been practising for the past two weeks. She had other things to worry about even if her priority should be the upcoming games aiming to become state champions to then take part in nationals.

However, Y/n would always come first, especially if it felt like she was on the brink of losing something she didn’t yet have with her but wanted.

“How was yesterday?” Yunjin only managed to have a brief conversation with Y/n about her hangout with Chaewon as the girl was helping her stretch before the game. Honestly, after she got the answer, she didn’t want to talk more about it because her throat closed up with feelings she suppressed and her stomach twisted.

“It was fun, we went to the aquarium, walked along the river, got some snacks and then she drove me home–” Yunjin settled for the answer and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to hear the rest from Y/n but she still did. “She asked if I could think of it as a date instead of a hangout.”

That heavy gloom had washed right over Yunjin, it felt like she was in the deepest parts of a blue sea where it was hard to breathe without it burning her lungs and making her tear up.

“Did you?” She carefully asked to make sure and to mask the quivering in her voice.

“Yeah, it’s just to get to know each other first without thinking about what’s next.”

“Do you think there will be more?” Yunjin wasn’t sure why she asked because she knew that she would shed that gloom that coated her if Y/n answered with something she dreaded hearing. All she got was a moment of silence as Y/n looked up at her in thought, tilting her head as she shrugged.

“If it happens it happens naturally and at its own pace so I can’t say much.”

Was this Yunjin’s shot to still have her chance with Y/n?

It was never too late for love, was it?

Yet her mouth was stapled shut and the more dates she watched Chaewon take Y/n on the more frustrations stored themselves behind that locked door of emotions. It was hurting to hold it closed. All those frustrations were towards herself and she didn’t think she could have taken them out on someone else.

They were getting the best of her.

“What is up with you, Huh Yunjin?” She could only stare down at her hands as she sat in her coach’s office after practice.

Yes, they were on a 5 - 0 - 0 winning streak, but Yunjin knew that she was slacking and it was just like the coach said; “You are physically on the field, but where’s your head?” Her head was stuck on her best friend possibly falling for someone who wasn’t her, her head was stuck on thinking about losing someone she loved to Chaewon.

“I’m sorry coach, I will get myself together for the next game.” She apologised, ready to stand up and as she did she was stopped.

“If you don’t I won’t have a choice but to bench you and make Chaewon the captain.”

Yunjin knew that it was all her fault. She should be able to put up that facade she had made when she was on the field to not let her emotions get the best of her when playing.

It was impossible to put away the mess of emotions inside her though and even hanging out with Y/n wasn’t making them go away. All she could think about was how her world was starting to crumble.

Would Chaewon unintentionally take everything away from her simply because she couldn’t keep her composure and untie her tongue?

That seemed to be the last straw and the door burst open at the worst moment possible.

The second half was almost halfway done, 0 - 0 and she could feel the pressure of her complicated emotions and the coach’s words together with an expectant crowd. Was she just about to lose again? That anger she had towards herself for not being able to do what she needed was starting to seep through and make her take it out the wrong way.

Yunjin found it unfair; she had been playing for ages for the school’s team and was being threatened with being replaced by Chaewon. It felt even more unfair that someone she had known for years and loved for almost just as many would be Chaewon’s. The situation she was in was against her and it wasn’t fair considering the amount of love she had for Y/n.

The ball was passed to Chaewon as they were attacking the goal, at least the intention from the midfielder was to pass it to Chaewon who would forward the ball to the captain for an assist. That was until Yunjin’s overwhelming emotions got the best of her and she stole the ball right before it touched the second striker’s foot. It caused her shoulder to bump into Chaewon’s. It was harsh enough to have Chaewon almost stumble to the grass, barely catching herself with the tips of her fingers while continuing towards the goal.

At the back of her head, Yunjin still remembered her words and her morals; she would always prioritise the whole team to make sure they won over her desires.

That wasn’t the case this time because if it hadn’t been for Yunjin’s anger that turned her selfish they would have scored. What they got in return was the captain getting squeezed by two defenders and tumbling onto the grass before the whistle was blown and their chance of scoring was lost.

The wet grass she had fallen onto left a taste of metallic anguish in her mouth while the scent of dirt lingered by her nose. The force had left her lungs to burn, but she was overwhelmed by her frustrations to feel the actual pain.

“Are you okay? What was that about?”

She harshly wiped the sweat off her brow to not get any in her eyes and her hard glare landed on Chaewon who was panting for air while extending her hand to help the captain up.

The girl was nothing but a good sport even if what happened wasn’t slightly her fault. Everything was Yunjin’s fault and always would be, wouldn’t it? Losing her title, losing the girl she loved, and wasting opportunities; were all Yunjin’s fault.

Confusion lingered in Chaewon’s gaze as Yunjin shoved her hand away. “Leave me alone, Chaewon.” Yunjin wished and hoped that the girl would disappear fully from her life no matter how perfect she was. It only made her wish that much more for the girl to disappear as she got up on her own, holding onto her knees as she leaned over.

Yunjin tightly shut her eyes, trying to muffle everything and everyone, feeling the tears trickle from her eyes as they stung her warm cheeks. The team surrounded her, worrying pats on her back and questions were thrown her way. She did it all on her own and she knew it. Yunjin spat out the blood in her mouth as she bit into her lip when colliding with the grass.

The only thing that snapped her out of it was the coach’s voice and she shrugged everyone off of her. Her shoulder once again bumped Chaewon’s who she didn’t spare a second glance at while wiping the blood off her lip. The lump was hurting her throat, making her want to burst out in tears the same second she reached the woman in front of her.

“You’re off the field, I will talk with you after.” Yunjin scoffed, ready to walk towards the bench. “Kim!” She was stopped though as her shoulder was grabbed and she looked at her coach.

“I told you about the consequences, Huh, hand the armband over to Kim.”

Her jaw clenched, fighting the tears that wanted to spill as she felt blow after blow hit her where it hurt the most with things she loved the most.

Yunjin’s trembling fingers tore the armband off of her as she snivelled and turned just in time as Chaewon jogged over to them. She didn’t say a word nor did she wait for what Chaewon had to say as she opened her mouth; Yunjin shoved it into the girl’s chest with a huff, making Chaewon stumble before it fell to the grass and she walked away.

It was somewhere between humiliating and not as her emotions blinded her while she walked off the field and past the bleachers, past everyone she knew and she didn’t stop. Yunjin couldn’t stop because the closer to the lockers that she got the more sobs started to spill from her lips.

There was nothing else that she wanted to do but to love Y/n yet she hated how love made her feel like she was floating and then as if she was falling on her way to crash to her death.

She had yet to cry about it, Yunjin had been suppressing every little bit of pain she had felt, and she had been suffering without shedding any tears. It was something she had gotten good at just like she was good at suppressing her feelings, letting them build up inside until she was choking on them. Her choked sobs echoed through the empty locker room as she cried into her palms, sitting on the bench.

“Jen…Can I come in?”

She looked up, her eyes falling on the door where Y/n’s soft voice came from behind. Yunjin snivelled, trying to figure out if seeing Y/n would make her feel better or worse. She knew that it would be the first, but she also knew it would push her tears further. The striker wiped at her eyes while mumbling a loud enough ‘yeah’ to her best friend.

What she knew was that Y/n wouldn’t come in and assume how she was feeling, she wouldn’t pity her, she wouldn’t lie to her, and she wouldn’t invalidate the way she felt. Y/n would offer her comfort, let her find solace in her and simply listen to her.

The problem was that she couldn’t tell Y/n how she felt, there was nothing she could let off her chest when it all was about the cheerleader whose shoulder she was crying on.

“Do you need anything?” Yunjin shook her head as she didn’t want anything but Y/n who was right beside her. It made her body shake as she cried, aware of the fact that she was crying because she finally had a way of letting out all these suppressed feelings and that what happened was the final push.

She couldn't hold it anymore, it was making her body tremble and she felt weak because of the exhaustion she felt from holding everything to herself.

Her eyes stayed shut as she cried in the crook of Y/n’s neck with her fingers tangled in the girl’s top. She dwelled in the feeling of Y/n rubbing her back with one hand as the other gently massaged her scalp. Yunjin knew that she would never lose this, but she would never be able to call Y/n hers and that brought her pain even if Y/n could soothe it.

“I’m always here for you, I will always listen to whatever you have on your mind, Jen, I’m here to just be a shoulder to cry on too.”

She took in shuddering breaths, trying her best to calm down as she listened to the girl’s words, but somehow they made it worse. The kinder Y/n was, the more she cared; the more Yunjin fell and the harder the impact of the fall was. It hurt to fall because she didn’t tell Y/n the truth and had no one to catch her.

“I hate it when you cry, Jen. I don’t want to see you hurting.” Yunjin knew that Y/n wasn’t stupid. One thing Yunjin knew was that her best friend knew her well enough to know that more than what happened on the field bothered her.

It was enough for Yunjin to find the comfort that she needed without having to tell Y/n what it was because the girl was aware that it was more even if she didn’t know exactly what it was.

“Thank you…” She mumbled, slowly pulling away from the girl as she wiped away the remaining tears on her cheeks.

There was so much she wanted to thank Y/n for, there was so much she wanted to tell her yet when she looked up from her lap and at her best friend she couldn’t bring herself to risk it. Her lips parted and they meekly left her lips, moving but barely as she couldn’t tell them loud enough for anyone but her soul to hear.

She watched how the corners of Y/n’s lips tugged up and the girl reached her hand up to her face. It made Yunjin’s ears ring from how her heart started to beat. “You’re so stupid, Jen–” A breathless chuckle left Y/n’s lips and the ginger swallowed, her eyes not being able to meet Y/n’s gaze. After all, it always felt like they were trying to tempt Yunjin, trying their best to coax those suppressed feelings out.

Y/n made it feel like the easiest thing in the world; there was no one easier to love than Y/n and so those words were easy to say to the girl.

Yunjin was the one who made it the most difficult thing in the world; there was nothing harder than risking someone so easy to love.

“It’s gonna be swollen, idiot.” Yunjin winced, pulling her face away from Y/n’s hold after the girl's thumb pushed against the side of her lower lip. The pain only kicked in now as she looked at the little blood it left on Y/n’s thumb.

“I’m sorry for being tackled, I guess.” She grumbled, making Y/n roll her eyes.

There was yet another knock on the door that interrupted them and Y/n stood up, walking over to the door. The ginger watched her open the door which made her look down when she saw who was on the other side.

“I will be back with ice.” Chaewon nodded at the girl who gave her a small smile as she grabbed the door to hold it while Y/n stepped outside. Her eyes stayed on the cheer captain for a second who walked away before she stepped inside and let the door fall closed.

There was an awkward tension lingering in the air as she leaned against the door and finally looked at Yunjin who was staring down at the tiled floor under her cleats. Chaewon cleared her throat as she was there for two reasons. There was no way she could just let this go, not after what happened on the field.

Chaewon took a seat beside Yunjin, her hands holding onto the edge of the bench as she looked at her cleats. With a deep breath that she released right after she looked at the girl who was still avoiding looking at her.

“Yunjin, did I do something?” There was no reason to wait around because no one would fix this for them. Chaewon didn’t like where it had ended because she hadn’t even known it was heading this way. As far as she knew there was no bad blood between them, however, she had a hunch about what it could be from Yunjin’s side.

“What?” The girl finally looked up, her lashes still wet, the blood dry on the corner of her lip. Chaewon pursed her lips, feeling sympathy for what her teammate and friend went through, from the fall to being ripped off the title of the team captain in front of everyone.

“I feel like that anger was aimed at me and I’m not sure what I did, however, I’m willing to apologise if I truly did something to upset you.” She didn’t know exactly what it was, she could assume, but she wanted to know exactly what it was from Yunjin herself. Chaewon was willing to apologise for it because she could tell that it was more than the frustrations of pressure and feeling the need to win the game.

Chaewon pissed Yunjin off with how nice she was, with how good she was because all Yunjin wanted to do was resent her, but it was impossible to resent someone who hadn’t done anything and was clueless about Yunjin’s feelings for the cheerleader. Y/n herself didn’t know.

Her eyes looked over Chaewon as they stared at each other in silence.

Yunjin huffed and looked away, wiping away the remnants of tears on her lashes. The momentary silence let her consider what she should tell the girl. The consideration of telling Chaewon the truth about being in love with Y/n laid heavily on the scale as she wanted to lean towards it.

“Is it about Y/n?” Chaewon scratched at the back of her neck as Yunjin looked back at her after she broke the silence between them. She couldn’t help but feel like it could have been about the girl she liked.

She cleared her throat as Yunjin was looking at her with wide yet confused eyes. The words that she pushed out from between her lips weren’t easy to say aloud even if it was easy to like Y/n.

Chaewon still did it, “I like her, yes, but I’m not trying to hog or steal your best friend. I’m sorry if I may have been taking away from your time together, but those aren’t my intentions…Y/n will always be your best friend and I will never try to replace that.” Her hands dropped to her lap as she looked between them and Yunjin.

Chaewon was aware of how much time she had been spending with Y/n both at school and outside of it whether they were planned dates or spontaneous hangouts. It wasn’t intentional; she liked Y/n and was trying her best to get to know her and possibly spark interest from the cheerleader’s side too. They had known each other for a good two months and she hoped to soon enough take the next step.

Yunjin sighed and looked in front of her to blink away the tears that wanted to fall again as those emotions were still faintly swirling around her head. That was the problem, wasn’t it? She would always be Y/n’s best friend. That was exactly the problem and she hated it even if she cherished the fact that Y/n was her best friend and the other way around.

“It’s–It’s not that Chaewon, we still hang out like we used to–” This was her chance even if it would be selfish to say it now that the girl beside her had been seeing Y/n. It would either spark competition between them or make Chaewon step back.

It still came with the same risks, the ones that made her overthink and back down. “It’s just the stress getting to me with these games, aiming for nationals and hopefully getting scouted along the way.” Her hands gripped the material of her shorts, angry with herself once again for refusing to say what she wanted. She would only be able to blame herself once it would be too late.

“Okay, I was worried it might’ve been that. I’m trying my best and hoping that she likes me enough so that I can ask her out to officially date…You think she would say yes?”

Chaewon was making it hard to stay collected once again and she managed to pull off a smile through the stinging in her chest.

“There’s only one way to find out, Chaewon.” The girl beside her let out a breathless chuckle as she nodded while Yunjin felt stupid for saying those words to someone else, but yet she refused to listen to them herself.

“Also.” She looked up at Chaewon who got up to stand in front of her.

“I loved being captain back in Austin, but I could never accept this–” She watched her tear off the armband with the C on it before she held it out in front of Yunjin. “You’re a great captain Yunjin, you deserve to have it more than me or anyone else on the team. I never wanted to put it on, especially not that way…I will talk to the coach.”

“Thank you, Chaewon.”

If only she could curse Chaewon out for making everything so much harder as she accepted the captain's armband back.

Despite the small commotion on the field, they had won 1 - 0.

Chaewon couldn’t help but feel like each day everything about this transfer felt better and brighter. She missed home, her old friends and everything else, but it all was being filled. It was a drastic change she thought would cause more damage than good however, she had been wrong.

After every game they won they found themselves at the beach and this time was no different. It served as a way for her to take time and reflect and see where she was now compared to when she was at the beach for the first time after just starting.

It felt less empty, there wasn’t as much confusion, she felt that emptiness within her after leaving a part of herself behind slowly get filled; building a new part in its place. There was a new home being built in her, that fear of alienation disappearing and she now longed after the familiarity of the new people she had grown close to. They were the ones who made her feel at home.

Home is where the heart lies; Chaewon never left her heart back in Austin.

She was feeling quite at home, slowly finding a place to call home as she leaned back against her palms, Y/n leaning against her shoulder that was behind the cheer captain. It had taken less than a month to find a place to settle in and around two months to settle and let her heart pump warmth to keep her home warm. It made Chaewon smile at how naturally it was all falling into place.

The gentle crackling of the fireplace filled the air together with talk and laughter from the rest. The scent of the fire wasn’t as overwhelming when Y/n rested her head on her shoulder, her arm resting over Chaewon’s leg and fingers drawing circles on her knee.

The cheerleader talked to the others while Chaewon rested her cheek against Y/n’s, letting the sweet scent and warmth in. It had become her new favourite one; it was the only one she knew just by entering a room right after the girl. It let her know that she would feel at home.

“The starry sky suits you.” She mumbled, feeling the girl who was leaning against her chuckle.

“Are you trying to disgust Yeonjun?” Chaewon huffed at that and looked over at the guy who was already making a face at their closeness.

“He’s the biggest anti-romantic on this planet.” Her eyes fell on Y/n who looked up at her with a teasing smile.

“So you’re trying to be romantic?”

“If it’s working, then yes.” She smiled as Y/n giggled and looked back at Jimin and Kazuha who called for her attention. Her heart raced with warmth as she watched Y/n continue to trace patterns along her knee while talking.

Chaewon knew that there was no need to wait any longer, there was a garden of feelings growing in her chest for Y/n and she needed to let them out before she would suffocate. She needed to tell Y/n how she felt before she could start hurting from suppressing it in her.

Yunjin found herself walking back towards her group of friends after trailing off and standing alone in the cold sand with the wind blowing through what felt like holes in her body. Those same holes were ones she filled with the love she had for Y/n, the same feelings she suppressed until she was choking on them.

It took her all these years to realise that the longer she refused to express her feelings towards the girl the more it would hurt, it would hurt whether or not anyone else was in the picture or not.

It was a punishment for keeping it inside her when she could have let her feelings grow because they were beautiful yet she suppressed them and let them cramp up inside her until it was burning her lungs.

Each time her throat closed up was because of something she felt but refused to say.

Love didn’t have to be painful, it had all along been her choice to make it hurt.

Yunjin had been hurting herself.

Her eyes scanned her group of friends, her hands in her pockets as she poked her tongue at the wound on the side of her lip. She knew that the heavy beating she felt in her chest mixed with an acidic sting when her eyes landed on her best friend and Chaewon could turn into the former alone if she confessed her love.

Yunjin realised that even if she were to get rejected it wouldn’t hurt as much to see Y/n with someone else after. She realised where the problem lay; it was suppressing her feelings that hurt and not fearing them.

The only cure to be able to breathe normally again was to let her feelings flow out through her mouth instead of cramping them inside her lungs. She knew despite everything there was only one choice.

Yunjin walked over to the two as there was only one spot left which was beside Y/n who was wearing the captain’s varsity jacket; two, Chaewon’s resting in the girl’s lap. The longer she stared at the campfire in front of her the hotter her eyes felt as the realisation was starting to lift weights off of her chest and she knew what she truly had to do.

It all opened up her cramped space for those feelings in her chest, growing like a floral garden, each petal, each flower being something she felt for Y/n. It was all the flowers she wanted to give to the girl and she knew that she would as she felt Y/n’s pinky intertwine with hers on the blanket.

Yunjin wasn’t going to wait any longer as she glanced at Y/n, knowing that it was the girl she wanted to give all the flowers in the world to. All those flowers she had been dying from because of how much it all had grown in her chest without giving what she should have given to Y/n ages ago.

She was in love with her best friend and she was done with suppressing what was beautiful.

Remnants of adrenaline coursed through Yunjin’s body as they officially made it to the quarter-finals. Her heart continued to pound even after she had changed and she knew that it was more than just the high of qualifying. She had hurt enough because of love and she wanted to continue to love without the part where it hurt every time she didn’t express herself.

It felt like time was ticking away, especially after seeing how much closer Chaewon was to the girl yet Yunjin couldn’t help but feel like there was something between her and Y/n. That she hadn’t been living in a make-believe world this whole time and that their skinny love was true and Yunjin would take the step to turn it into love.

The only thing she was losing was time she could have loved Y/n in more than silence.

“Okay, I’m just gonna find my dad to get the keys to his car.” Yunjin looked over her shoulder as she pulled her varsity jacket out of her locker to see Chaewon sling her duffle bag over her shoulder. She gave Chaewon a terse smile when the girl sent her one first before averting her gaze.

“I will meet you at the parking lot after.”

“I will try to make it on time.” The second striker chuckled at Yujin’s words who walked after her with crutches. Chaewon opened the door and held it for the injured girl before leaving in a hurry. The door fell closed after them, the rest of the team keeping up their chatter.

Yunjin slung the bag over her shoulder and held the jacket under her arm to give it to Y/n like she always did. This time she hoped she could give it without it being platonic. With that, she bid goodbye to whoever she wasn’t going to see later and left the locker room.

She walked through the empty halls of the sports wing, hoping to bump into Y/n while she rummaged for her phone in the bag. Undoubtedly it felt like she was about to have a heart attack with how much it hurt when her heart started colliding with her ribcage, a faint lightheadedness clouding her as she did her best to take deep breaths.

This wasn’t because she was afraid to express her feelings anymore, but because she was finally going to take the step to do something she had wanted for years. This was the excitement that was so similar to the fear that she almost mixed it up once again.

Yunjin couldn’t waste more time, Y/n wasn’t someone she wanted to make wait when she deserved every last drop of love Yunjin could give her.

The lack of a reply was making Yunjin’s nerves spike because she wanted to do it now and not wait a second longer. To get all these fears behind. Her fingers fidgeted with the jacket in her hands, glancing at her phone as she waited for a reply, aware that the girl often took longer in the changing room or wouldn’t have her phone right at hand.

It wasn’t the first time Yunjin waited for a reply, but this time felt like ages as she leaned against the wall not far from the entrance of the basketball court. It was making her jittery, shifting on her legs as it was hard to stand still with all those petals and flowers tickling her stomach and lungs; Yunjin would burst if she wouldn’t let these things flow out for Y/n to hear at last.

Her phone screen lit up and she looked towards the entrance of the basketball court that burst open to see the cheerleader walk out with her eyes on the phone screen. Yunjin pushed herself up from the wall, her hands clutching onto the jacket to occupy her fingers and hold onto something to not back down once again.

“Jen!” She smiled as Y/n looked up from the phone and caught her presence right away.

“Congratulations on qualifying, you guys did so well. You were perfect on the field.” Yunjin bit down on her lower lip at the words that were causing everything to overgrow in her chest. She could feel it pushing up by force this time, the garden didn’t want to wait; it was too beautiful to keep cramped up inside her. She needed to let Y/n know how much she loved her.

How in love she was.

“Thank you, we did our best, but–” The captain cleared her throat, feeling all those familiar feelings and pains she usually did because of how she suppressed her words. This time it came with reassurance to herself that she was going to do it.

She took a deep breath as Y/n tilted her head, a small frown of confusion and Yunjin felt it all wash over her, this time melting and letting herself get coaxed by Y/n’s beautiful eyes when the cheerleader grabbed hold of her hands. That reassuring warmth of Y/n’s touch she always felt and got from the girl reminded her of how it would be fine.

It was clear to Yunjin that her overwhelmed body and nervousness lingered in the air and that Y/n could sense it. This time she let herself get lost in the comfort, the solace and trust Y/n brought her.

“There’s this thing I really want to tell you, Y/n.” She got a nod in response, thumbs brushing over her knuckles and she slid one hand out of Y/n’s grasp to nervously play with the pendant of her necklace.

Yunjin could feel her mind drift off and she was aware that it would be a blur until it was over as she cleared her throat once again to try and get rid of the scratching she felt because of her nerves.

“Anything, Jen.”

“There’s so much that I want to tell you and have wanted to say probably since we started high school, and I have always hesitated for even more reasons…” Her eyes searched for something to look at yet all she could look at was Y/n who was right in front of her. That frown on her face slowly disappeared the more Yunjin managed to ramble and push out, hoping that somewhere between these lines the words ‘I’m in love with you’ would come out.

The pounding of her heart was muffling everything for her and it was warm. “I think that the biggest is the fact that you’re my best friend and I would never want to ruin that in any way.”

She released yet another sigh and let her hand fall, clutching onto the side of her jeans. Yunjin couldn’t remember if she had ever been this anxious, the heat was coursing up to her face and ears and there was a faint buzzing in her ears. This was Yunjin facing her biggest fears and she knew that once she did it she would feel ecstatic.

“It’s just that–It’s really hard to keep it to myself and I managed to keep it for years now. But, I can’t keep doing that because I always end up…hurting.” She inhaled once again, forgetting to breathe between her sentences. It was overwhelming with how much was on the line and she felt like crying because of the waves of emotions washing over her without a stop.

She was desperate to tell Y/n that she was in love and even more desperate for the girl to feel the same. The longer it took the more her voice quivered and she still fought to avoid these negative thoughts and doubts that tried to hit her like they always did.

Her mind was in too big of a daze to take her time and read Y/n’s expression, the girl was looking at her with those usual soft eyes, letting her know that it was fine. That was all Yunjin needed to know to continue talking.

It would be fine and Y/n would never hurt her.

“There’s so much and I don’t know what to start with or what exactly to say, but the thing I’ve always wanted to say the most, knowing that I can trust you as my best friend is that,” her last breath and it was right at the tip of her tongue.

Y/n was her best friend and she could always trust her with anything and it would never matter what it was. Yunjin knew that she could trust her with her feelings and heart and tell her those words.

“Y/n, I’m painfully in–”

“I found the keys. I dropped them under one of the benches.”

It made Yunjin flinch when the door to the basketball court flew open, her heart hammering so quickly it was making her nauseous and she felt like fainting. Her blurred vision cleared as it landed on Chaewon who walked out from the court. The hold on her hand disappeared as Y/n looked over her shoulder at the other soccer player who walked towards them.

Yunjin’s lips parted as did Y/n’s who was about to reply to Chaewon who walked up to them, fixing the duffle bag slung across her chest. Was she supposed to ask Chaewon to leave so she could continue?

She was right there, she had practically said those words and it was the closest she had ever been. Yunjin was about to grasp her dream, she was so close that she was touching it with the tips of her fingers.

Could she ask Chaewon who wrapped her arm around Y/n’s waist with an even bigger and giddier smile to leave? Yunjin did everything in her power to avoid looking at Y/n, being able to feel the girl’s gaze on her face. It finally settled in her head that Y/n was already wearing a jacket; Chaewon’s jacket.

“I got the courage and asked Y/n out, so we’re officially dating now.” It made Yunjin let out a breath as she nodded along to the information. She bit her lower lip, digging her teeth into it to prevent her eyes from getting wet. She was doing everything in her power to distract herself to not let herself shed tears.

Yunjin kept her composure during one of the worst moments of her life yet everything on the inside was suffocating her, it was growing around her heart. Yunjin could feel the thorns from the garden dig into the muscle making it bleed out and everything felt lifeless and heavy around her. So close, but her dream slipped right through her fingers.

There was one thing Yunjin couldn’t forget though, not in this moment or any other moment because Y/n always came first. It didn’t matter how much Yunjin was hurting, if she was being swallowed by pain, being torn apart from the inside with a lump in her throat that made it ache.

It didn’t matter if she felt like crying, she could wait just like she had done all these years. The worst that could happen if she waited was that she would drown in misery, but she had grown used to it, hadn’t she?

“That’s—I’m happy for you two.” She would always remember to be happy for Y/n. Y/n’s happiness would forever be Yunjin’s happiness even if the cheerleader's happiness was making her nose prickle and her eyes sting, unable to breathe from the tight grip those thorny stems had on her heart, squeezing.

Her dream had always been to make Y/n happy and dreams meant sacrificing even if it was a piece of herself. There was nothing greater she could sacrifice for Y/n than her heart in the end.

Yunjin glanced over to Y/n at last, feeling pain shoot through her heart and she hugged the jacket closer to her to try and ease it. She looked away from Y/n’s face, those beautiful eyes holding nothing but concern now.

Yunjin decided that it would be best if she and hopefully Y/n forgot that she even started this conversation. It was the day her world crumbled into dust in the end and she didn’t want to remember that.

She would rather remember it as the day Y/n found happiness in someone even if it wasn’t Yunjin.

Yunjin wanted to remember how much she loved Y/n and not the moment her heart broke because she loved her.

“We’re taking my dad's truck. Want a ride or…” Her eyes nervously darted around as they fell on Chaewon who still had a smile on her face. She opened her mouth and searched for words all while feeling everything within her slowly go numb from pain the longer they stood in front of her.

“Oh, I’m–no, it’s fine, I have my car.” Her voice couldn’t stop trembling and her gaze fell to the floor at last, unable to look Chaewon and especially not Y/n in the eye. It was all crashing down on her and she knew that she would break any second.

“Okay, see you there then, Yunjin.” She nodded her head and stepped aside, stopping by the wall as they walked past her.

Yunjin bit her lower lip as her breathing picked up and the prickling in her nose was painful enough for the tears to fall at last. The bag on her shoulder slid down and she let it fall to the floor as she leaned against the wall to try and ground herself. She snivelled and wiped at her eyes with the jacket she planned to give to Y/n and her gaze still fell on them as she hugged it closer for comfort because she couldn’t go to Y/n with this anguish.

She watched her friend and best friend walk away, taking a turn and Y/n’s worried eyes met hers for a split second when the girl looked over her shoulder before disappearing.

There was no holding back as she slid down the wall and pulled her knees to her chest, burying her face into the jacket while hugging them to seek some type of solace and salvation for the pain. Her tears hot tears spilled onto the jacket that she had saved for Y/n, but would now only serve to soak up tears.

If only she had found Yn first. She had because she had found Y/n years ago, but Chaewon was the one to finish first. Yunjin had been stalling all these years and when she finally decided that she was going to get Yn, someone swept the girl away right before her eyes. She had loved Y/n for all those years and now she would have to live with the regret of not telling her right from the start.

She could silently brew resentment towards Chaewon for sweeping the person she had built dreams around right from under her feet.

Or maybe she should be thankful to Chaewon for saving her from possibly losing her best friend. One she would never be able to replace if her confession went wrong or even if it went right. She was sure that her best friend would stay no matter what because she could trust Y/n. Yet she tried to convince herself that she couldn’t know that and that it had been reasonable to hold back.

She knew that it hadn’t been, she just wanted to ease the way her heart was beingtormented.

The worst part wasn’t that she was too late though, but that she would never get to know if Y/n felt the same. If all those gestures were friendly or if they held a deeper meaning like Yunjin’s did. The worst part was that Yunjin would never get to know if they could ever have been more than best friends.

It was all Yunjin’s fault.

masterlist

a/n note; hi if you made it to the end :) thank you for reading/reblogging/leaving a note and appreciating my work. it means so much and motivates me further as i always try my best, hoping you peeps liked it. love you and can't wait to post more for yall <3

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bitchiswild · 7 months ago

Text

Backstage

G!P Yunjin x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 3.2k

Warnings: SMUTTTTTT🤪

A/n: some Coachella smut for you guys 🤭 (kinda not really bullshitted this :3)

Since the moment you glimpsed the lineup and saw Le Sserafim's name, you'd been eagerly counting down the days.

Le Sserafim wasn't just another group to you; they held a special place in your heart. You were determined to catch their set, even going as far as snagging VIP tickets just to be near them, to be near Yunjin. And as luck would have it, you spotted her a few times throughout the weekend, whether she was grabbing drinks with her members or snapping photos for her Instagram. Each time, your heart skipped a beat, completely taken by her presence.

What you didn't realize was that Yunjin, was also keeping an eye on you. From across the VIP area, her gaze often found you, drawn to your magnetic aura. She knew she wanted you, craved you beneath her, and would stop at nothing to make it happen. Each glance exchanged only fueled her determination, igniting a urge she couldn't ignore. As the festival's pulsating energy surrounded them, Yunjin was ready to do whatever it took to make you hers.

As the doors opened, you rushed to the Sahara Stage and wasted no time securing your spot near the front, eager to immerse yourself in the magic of Lesserafim's performance later that night. Hours passed in a blur as anticipation mounted, but finally, the moment arrived.

As Le Sserafim took the stage, you found yourself spellbound by Yunjin's presence. Her ethereal beauty and magnetic energy captivated you, drawing your gaze like a moth to a flame. Throughout the entire performance, you couldn't tear your eyes away from her, each movement she made, each note she sang, sending shivers down your spine.

Little did you know, Yunjin was also aware of your presence. Peeking out at the crowd before her performance, her eyes locked onto yours, and she knew she had to meet you. Throughout the set, she stole glances in your direction, her heart skipping a beat each time your eyes met, but careful not to draw too much attention.

As the music pulsed around them, a silent connection formed between you two, each stolen glance speaking volumes of the desire and anticipation simmering beneath the surface. And as the final chords echoed through the crowd, Yunjin made a decision – she had to meet you, no matter what it took.

As the final notes of Lesserafim's performance echoed through the Sahara Stage, the crowd erupted into cheers and applause. As you prepared to make your way back through the throngs of people, a figure caught your eye – Yunjin's manager, rushing towards you with purpose in their stride.

With a mix of surprise and anticipation, you watched as they approached, their expression a mix of urgency and excitement. Before you could even process what was happening, they were standing in front of you, extending an invitation that left you speechless.

"Yunjin would like to meet you backstage," they explained, their words ringing in your ears like a surreal melody. Your heart raced with excitement as you processed the invitation, the realization sinking in that you were about to come face to face with the object of your admiration.

Without hesitation, you accepted, adrenaline coursing through your veins as you followed Yunjin's manager through the backstage area. Each step brought you closer to the moment you'd been dreaming of, the chance to meet Yunjin in person and perhaps even share a moment alone with her.

As you approached Yunjin's trailer, your pulse quickened, nerves and excitement intertwining in a heady mix. With a deep breath, you stepped inside, ready to embark on the next chapter of this unforgettable Coachella experience.

Inside Yunjin's trailer, the air crackled with an electric tension that seemed to draw you both closer together. As Yunjin stepped into the room, her gaze locked onto yours with an intensity that sent a shiver down your spine. You couldn't help but notice the way her eyes lingered on you, a silent invitation sparking between you like a flame in the darkness.

"Hello," she greeted, her voice soft but tinged with a hint of something more, something that set your pulse racing. "I'm so glad you could make it."

Your heart pounded in your chest as you struggled to find your voice, the heat of her gaze making it difficult to focus. "Thank you for inviting me," you managed to say, your voice husky with emotion. "It's an honor to meet you, Yunjin."

As you exchanged pleasantries, the tension between you grew thicker with each passing moment. Every touch, every shared glance, seemed to fuel the fire that burned between you, igniting a desire that threatened to consume you both.

In the intimate confines of the trailer, the boundaries between you blurred, giving way to a palpable chemistry that simmered just beneath the surface. You could feel the heat of her body as she moved closer, her breath mingling with yours in the close quarters of the room.

"I've been eyeing you all day," Yunjin confessed, her hand raising to gently brush a stray strand of hair behind your ear.

Your breath caught in your throat as her touch sent a jolt of electricity coursing through you. With a shaky sigh, you managed to reply, "I've been eyeing you since you debuted," your voice barely above a whisper, tinged with a nervous giggle.

Yunjin's smile widened, a playful glint dancing in her eyes as she leaned in closer. You felt the heat of her breath against your skin as her gaze flickered down to your lips, then back up to meet your eyes.

“You know why youre here right?” She questioned. A shiver ran down your spine as Yunjin's voice took on a husky tone, her gaze burning with an intensity that made your heart race. Her hands trailed down to your hips, their touch sending waves of sensation rippling through you.

You met her gaze with a mixture of anticipation and desire, your breath catching in your throat as you searched for the right words. "I think I have an idea," you replied, your voice barely above a whisper, the air thick with tension.

Yunjin's lips curved into a knowing smile as she leaned in closer, her breath hot against your ear. "Good," she murmured, her voice sending shivers down your spine. "Because I've been wanting you since the moment I saw you."

With that, she closed the distance between you, her lips meeting yours in a passionate kiss that set your world ablaze. In that moment, there was no Coachella, no trailer, just the two of you lost in a whirlwind of desire and longing.

The kiss deepened between you and Yunjin, the world around you seemed to fade away, leaving only the sensation of her lips moving fervently against yours. A low moan escaped your lips, mingling with the soft gasps of pleasure that echoed in the intimate space of the dressing room.

Feeling emboldened by the intensity of the moment, Yunjin's hands roamed eagerly over your body, her touch setting your skin ablaze with desire. With a sudden urgency, she pushed you gently backward until you felt the edge of the bed against the back of your legs.

Your heart raced as you tumbled onto the soft mattress, Yunjin hovering above you with a hunger in her eyes that mirrored your own. With a sensual grace, she straddled your hips, her movements fluid and deliberate as she pressed her body against yours, igniting a fire that burned hotter with each passing moment.

Her hands trailed along the curves of your body, leaving a trail of tingling sensation in their wake. You arched into her touch, a soft gasp escaping your lips as pleasure coursed through you. And when her lips found yours again, the kiss was searing, a passionate symphony of tongues and teeth that left you breathless and wanting more.

Lost in the heat of the moment, you surrendered yourself to Yunjin's touch, allowing her to explore every inch of your body with a fervor that left you trembling with desire. And as she moved with increasing urgency, her movements becoming more frantic and desperate, you knew that there was no turning back — tonight would be a night to remember, a night of unbridled passion and ecstasy that would leave you both forever changed.

Yunjin's hands moved with purpose, trailing down your body until they reached the waistband of your bottoms.

With a gentle yet urgent tug, she began to slide them down, exposing your skin to the cool air of the dressing room. Your breath caught in your throat at the sensation, a rush of heat flooding through you as Yunjin's touch sent electric currents dancing along your skin.

"Let me please you, baby," she whispered, her voice husky with desire, as she leaned in closer, her lips brushing against your ear. "Let me touch you, please."

Yunjin's words ignited a fire within you, and with a hungry whimper, you nodded eagerly, unable to contain the waves of desire crashing through your body.

"Yes, please," you pleaded, your voice trembling with need as you reached out for her. "Touch me, please."

As Yunjin's warm breath teased your skin, anticipation coiled tightly within you, every nerve on edge in anticipation of her touch. When her tongue finally made contact with your slick folds, you couldn't hold back the gasp that escaped your lips, a jolt of pleasure racing through your body.

Her tongue danced across your sensitive flesh, sending waves of ecstasy crashing over you. Your body quivered in response, pleasure coursing through every inch of your being as she expertly teased and tantalized your most intimate area.

Unable to contain the overwhelming sensations washing over you, you arched your back, your hands clutching at the sheets beneath you as pleasure consumed you. Yunjin's movements grew more fervent, her tongue flicking and swirling with a rhythm that mirrored the pounding of your heart.

Yunjin's tongue traced slow, tantalizing circles against your throbbing clit, a chorus of moans escaped your lips, mingling with the sound of your ragged breaths.

"Oh, god," you gasped, your voice thick with desire as pleasure rippled through you. "Yunjin, please... don't stop."

Yunjin's only response was a low, guttural growl of approval as she intensified her ministrations, her tongue flicking and teasing with a practiced precision that left you trembling with need.

"Yes, just like that," you whimpered, your fingers tangling in the sheets as you surrendered yourself to the blissful onslaught. "Harder... faster..."

With a primal hunger that matched your own, Yunjin obliged, her movements growing more urgent as she drove you relentlessly towards the brink of ecstasy.

As the tension coiled tighter and tighter within you, you felt yourself teetering on the edge of release, every touch, every lick pushing you closer and closer to the edge.

And then, with a final, exquisite flick of her tongue, Yunjin sent you hurtling over the edge into a blissful abyss, your body convulsing with pleasure as waves of ecstasy washed over you, leaving you trembling and utterly spent in her embrace.

Your breaths grew ragged, your body writhing with uncontrollable desire as she drove you relentlessly towards the edge.

"Oh, god, Yunjin," you cried out, your voice raw with need as pleasure engulfed you. "I'm... I'm gonna cum so hard for you."

Sensation overwhelmed your senses, every touch, every flick of her tongue sending shockwaves of ecstasy coursing through your veins. You were teetering on the brink, on the precipice of an earth-shattering release that promised to consume you whole.

With a final, fervent thrust of her tongue, Yunjin pushed you over the edge, and you exploded into a crescendo of pleasure so intense, it felt as if the world itself had shattered around you.

Your cries of ecstasy filled the air, mingling with Yunjin's name as waves of euphoria crashed over you, leaving you trembling and utterly spent in the aftermath of your explosive climax.

Yunjin's sudden movement drew your attention, and as she yanked down her own bottoms, revealing her throbbing, veiny cock, your jaw dropped in stunned amazement. The sight of her arousal, her shaft glistening with pre-cum, sent a surge of desire coursing through you, igniting a primal hunger that burned hot and fierce.

Your eyes widened with anticipation as you took in the sight before you, unable to tear your gaze away from her magnificent arousal. The sheer size and potency of her cock filled you with an overwhelming sense of longing, a need so intense it bordered on obsession.

With trembling hands, you reached out for her, your fingers trailing eagerly along the length of her shaft, reveling in the sensation of her hardness beneath your touch. A low, guttural moan escaped your lips as you felt her pulse against your skin, the heat of her arousal searing through you like a wildfire.

you leaned forward eagerly, your lips parting to take Yunjin's throbbing cock into your mouth, a low groan of pleasure escaped her lips. The taste of her pre-cum on your tongue sent a shiver of delight down your spine as you eagerly took more of her length into your mouth.

Yunjin's fingers threaded through your hair, guiding you gently as you worked her shaft with fervent enthusiasm. With each bob of your head, she let out a string of soft moans and gasps, her hips moving in time with your movements.

"Good girl," she breathed, her voice husky with desire as she praised your efforts. The words sent a thrill of excitement coursing through you, fueling your desire to please her even more.

With a newfound determination, you redoubled your efforts, taking her deeper into your mouth, swirling your tongue around her length, and sucking her with an intensity that left her trembling with pleasure.

In that moment, there was only the two of you, lost in a world of sensation and desire. And as Yunjin's climax approached, her grip on your hair tightened, her breaths coming in short, ragged gasps as she reached the pinnacle of ecstasy.

With one final, desperate thrust, she came undone, her release flooding your mouth with the taste of her pleasure. And as you swallowed every drop.

As you turned around, positioning yourself on your stomach and lifting your hips in anticipation, a whimper of desire escaped your lips. You glanced over your shoulder, locking eyes with Yunjin, conveying your eagerness and need with a single, longing gaze.

Yunjin wasted no time, her hands gripping your hips firmly as she positioned herself behind you. With a low growl of anticipation, she pressed the tip of her throbbing cock against your slick entrance, teasing you with the promise of what was to come.

"Please," you begged, your voice thick with need as you pushed back against her, desperate for the exquisite release only she could provide. "Fuck me, Yunjin. Hard and fast."

With a primal hunger that matched your own, Yunjin complied, driving into you with a force that left you gasping for breath. Pleasure surged through you in waves as she pounded into you relentlessly, each thrust sending shockwaves of ecstasy coursing through your body.

Your cries of pleasure mingled with Yunjin's own grunts of exertion as she claimed you as her own, the intensity of your connection igniting a fire that burned hotter with each passing moment.

Her thrusts intensified, the sound of skin meeting skin echoed through the air, punctuated by the wet, rhythmic slapping of her hips against yours. Each impact sent a jolt of pleasure coursing through you, the sensation heightened by the intoxicating mix of pain and ecstasy.

"Fuck, you feel so good," Yunjin groaned, her voice thick with desire as she drove into you with primal urgency. "You're so tight, baby. Just for me."

Her words sent a shiver of delight down your spine, fueling the fire of arousal that burned hot and fierce within you. With each thrust, you felt yourself teetering on the edge of oblivion, pleasure threatening to consume you completely.

Yunjin's cock drove deeper into you, stretching you to your limits, a wave of pleasure mingled with a hint of pain washed over you. You could feel every inch of her thick shaft filling you, stretching you in the most deliciously agonizing way possible.

Each ridge and vein on her cock teased your inner walls, sending shivers of ecstasy coursing through your body. The feeling of her veins rubbing against your sensitive flesh sent sparks of pleasure dancing along your nerves, amplifying the intensity of each thrust.

"God, you're so tight," Yunjin groaned, her voice thick with desire as she buried herself deeper inside you. "You feel so fucking good around me."

With each movement, Yunjin's cock seemed to find new depths within you, hitting spots you didn't even know existed and sending waves of pleasure radiating throughout your entire body. The sensation was almost overwhelming, bordering on too much, but you welcomed it eagerly, craving more of the delicious torment she was inflicting upon you.

In that moment, there was nothing but the sensation of Yunjin's cock stretching you, filling you, and the overwhelming pleasure that accompanied it. And as she continued to drive into you with relentless passion, you surrendered yourself completely to the exquisite bliss of being taken by her, knowing that there was nowhere else you'd rather be.

Yunjin's thrusts grew more frenzied, her grip on your hips tightening as she approached the edge of release.

"I'm gonna cum," she groaned, her voice thick with desire as she pounded into you with reckless abandon. "Cum for me, baby. I want to feel you come apart around me."

The words sent a surge of pleasure coursing through you, pushing you closer to the edge with each passing moment. With a cry of ecstasy, you felt the first tendrils of release begin to wash over you, pleasure building to an unbearable crescendo.

"Yes, yes," you moaned, your voice a breathless chorus of need as you gave in to the overwhelming bliss. "I'm gonna cum for you, Yunjin. I'm yours."

And then, with one final, earth-shattering thrust, you tumbled over the edge into ecstasy, your climax consuming you in a whirlwind of sensation and pleasure. Waves of pleasure crashed over you, each sensation more intense than the last as you surrendered yourself completely to the rapture of orgasm.

In that moment, Yunjin followed suit, her own release washing over her in a torrent of ecstasy. With a guttural groan of satisfaction, she spilled her essence deep inside you, filling you with the warmth of her climax as you both rode out the waves of pleasure together.

As the last echoes of ecstasy faded into the air, you collapsed into each other's arms, spent and sated, the blissful aftermath enveloping you in a cocoon of contentment.

A gentle calm settled over the room, the only sound the soft echo of your breathing as you lay tangled together in the aftermath.

With tender care, Yunjin withdrew from you, her touch gentle and reverent as she pressed a series of gentle kisses along your spine, soothing the lingering ache of pleasure. Her arms enveloped you in a warm embrace, pulling you close against her chest as she whispered sweet words of affection and adoration into your ear.

"You were amazing," she murmured, her voice soft with tenderness as she traced gentle circles on your skin. "Thank you for letting me be with you like this."

A contented sigh escaped your lips as you snuggled closer to her, basking in the warmth of her embrace. "Thank you," you whispered back, your heart overflowing with love and gratitude. "For everything."

In that moment, there was only the two of you, lost in the quiet intimacy of your shared connection.

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ssivinee · 13 days ago

Text

❥ 𝙰 𝙱𝚘𝚘𝚔 𝙰𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚈𝚘𝚞

Le Sserafim! Kim Chaewon x F reader [Soulmate AU]: In a world where, by the age of 18, you and your soulmate are gifted a book that links you to each other. You disliked the thought of a book dictating who she’ll spend the rest of her life with. Meanwhile, after years of owning the book, Chaewon realized you didn’t care to write in the notebook, using it as her personal diary, ESPECIALLY when the idol industry was beginning to fuck her over.

Word Count: 5.9 k

Author's Note: ya'll idek what to say, writing this was just so much fun, but it does feel a bit rushed so pls have mercy on meeeeee👹👹. BUT ONTO THE NEXT RAHHHHHHHHH

➳ Character Concept - Na Y/n

You were at home, buried in a stack of paperwork your boss and coworkers had piled onto you. The nine-to-five life shouldn’t be this brutal, but the workload hit you hard again. Being the new hire came with a catch: everyone seemed to drop their tasks onto you, and you weren’t in the position to refuse.

As you leaned back and stretched, your eyes drifted away from the papers, landing on the tall bookcase in your workspace. You weren’t much of a reader and rarely touched any of the books lined up there.

Most were your sister’s, left behind each time she visited, and when she didn’t bother taking them back, you’d eventually set up the bookcase instead of reminding her. It turned out to be the perfect place for one book in particular—the one you always avoided.

The book was a beautiful thing, really. It had a hardcover in a muted tea green, soft and elegant, with details engraved in dark green, gray, and sage. Intricate floral patterns ran along the edges, almost like ivy climbing an ancient wall, making it the most mysterious-looking book among them all.

Your name was delicately written on the spine in white cursive. As you looked at it, you had to admit it was the kind of book that could draw anyone in—if it didn’t carry the purpose it did.

In this world, everyone was destined to have a soulmate. From birth, every person had one match waiting somewhere, and at eighteen, you received a book like this one—a "mirror book," as people called it. The book was always explained as “one book split into two,” and each soulmate would receive a half.

Whatever your soulmate wrote would appear in your book, and whatever you wrote would show in theirs. It was a way to communicate without knowing each other’s names, faces, or locations, a silent promise between two people meant to be together.

When you first received it, you thought it was a fascinating concept: a link to someone the world had chosen just for you. The book had arrived out of nowhere, in a plain box on your doorstep.

You’d been a little curious then, but as the years passed, you left it unopened, letting it collect dust on the shelf. It had lit up often enough—sometimes three or five times a month—meaning your soulmate had written something. But you never looked.

Right on cue, the book started glowing faintly, the light seeping out around the spine and pages, a warm, soft pulse calling for your attention. Before you could even consider reaching for it, though, your phone rang, breaking your gaze.

“Yes, boss?”

“...”

“I’ll have it done by morning.”

You hung up, rolling your eyes at the extra load. This was going to be a long night.

“Unnie, manager-nim asked for you!” The call echoed through the building, and Chaewon turned, catching the eager wave from the maknae, who gestured for her to hurry. Chaewon sighed, walking down the maze of hallways toward the conference room. Awards season was approaching, and she assumed this would be a meeting about the group’s recent success.

Inside the conference room, several higher-ups sat around a long table, each one wearing a mask that hid their faces and reactions. Their eyes shifted around, avoiding direct eye contact with her, which was never a good sign.

“Chaewon-ssi. Please, take a seat.” One of the men, scrawny and stern-looking, gestured toward the chair in front of them. She complied, sitting as they exchanged uneasy glances.

The man cleared his throat and spoke, “Your latest comeback did amazing. With everything the group has gone through in the past year, this is a positive step forward.” Chaewon nodded, grateful to hear some acknowledgment of their hard work. But she could see through the act he was putting on. Their body language said more than their words.

A woman seated near the end of the table, probably the senior among them, coughed and caught Chaewon’s eye. “This isn’t enough, though,” she began, her tone dripping with the authority they always tried to wield over the idols.

Chaewon adjusted herself in the seat, looking directly at the woman. “Not enough? Sales exceeded expectations, and the public response has been better than any release in recent months,” she replied. As leader, she knew their numbers inside out, and there was no way they could brush off the group’s success.

The woman only shook her head. “Still, it’s not enough. We need a broader reach and more engagement. We have high expectations for you all, you know?”

Chaewon’s jaw tightened, but she kept her tone measured. “So, what now?”

A man leaned forward, expression blank but voice patronizing. “You’ll be entering a public relationship with TXT’s Yeonjun. We’re aiming for a six-month duration.”

Chaewon’s stomach twisted. She and Yeonjun had always been friendly, but this? It wasn’t what she’d signed up for. She was aware of the shipping and that some people even liked their friendship, but she didn’t think it would cause her to be in this position.

She knew her job required sacrifices, but the pressure from HYBE had been pushing everyone in LE SSERAFIM to their limits lately. Scandals over the past months had put the entire company on edge, and the members felt it—a growing resentment they couldn’t afford to show.

One misstep and they could lose everything they’d worked for. So, they remained civil, swallowing their frustration to keep moving forward.

Chaewon forced herself to keep a neutral expression, nodding as if this decision was acceptable. But inside, frustration was simmering, her fists clenched under the table. As soon as the meeting ended, she left, biting back any words that might betray her true feelings.

Back in the privacy of her dorm, she took a shaky breath, pulling her soulmate book from a drawer on her nightstand. The cover was a deep tea green, with dark green, gray, and sage details, and her name was written in fine cursive.

The book had been her lifeline whenever she felt overwhelmed or needed an escape. She opened it to a blank page, the edges of earlier entries slightly frayed from countless hurried scribbles over the years.

Chaewon hadn’t heard from her soulmate, not once since receiving the book. At first, she’d wondered if they just weren’t interested, but over time, she’d pushed that thought aside. Her schedule left little room for those kinds of distractions anyway. The book slowly became more like a diary, a safe place where she could let out the thoughts and frustrations she didn’t share with anyone else.

With a sigh, she picked up a pen and began to write.

Today was another reminder of how little control I have while I’m in this industry. They’re forcing me into a relationship with Yeonjun. He’s a friend, and this feels so wrong. I wish things were different. Sometimes, it feels like my life isn’t even my own. I joined this world to entertain and make music, to perform. But now, everything is about to be carefully planned and scripted, right down to who I’m supposed to “love.” They say it’s for the group’s success, to keep the fans engaged in any way, but I’m being used. I’m literally just a pawn in this damn company. And Yeonjun… deserves better than this, too. This just isn’t fair to either of us. I can’t even talk to the members about it. This is something I have to deal with myself. The members are trying to fake it and avoid conflict with the higher-ups. Sometimes, I wonder what it would be like if I could share all of this with my soulmate. If they’d understand. Or maybe they’d just tell me to hang in there, to keep going… But you’re silent, as always. Maybe that’s for the best. Maybe they’d just think I was selfish, complaining about things that most people only dream of. But sometimes I feel trapped, more than I ever expected.

She paused, staring at the ink as it dried on the page. The book remained silent as always, no answer appearing on the next page. She hadn’t let herself think too much about why her soulmate had never written back. Right now, it was almost better this way—just her and her thoughts.

As she closed the book, she felt a little lighter, the weight of the day lifting just enough. Even if her soulmate didn’t write back, having a place to confide gave her a sliver of peace.

It was your day off, and things were going smoothly despite the usual workload. Your sister, Haeun, was visiting with your two nephews, who were busy turning your home into their personal playground. Meanwhile, Haeun sat on your couch, deeply engrossed in her own mirror book. Of all the books she’d left at your place over the years, that one was never one of them.

She had already met her soulmate, Junseo, years ago, so it puzzled you as to why she still read it so often. “Why are you looking at me like that?” Haeun asked in her usual goofy tone when she caught your stare.

You kept typing on your laptop but glanced up. “Just wondering why you still read that book so much. You and Junseo met six years ago.”

Haeun gently shut the book, setting it on the coffee table. “Because I like reminiscing about when we used to write to each other.”

Her response made you raise an eyebrow. You’d never understood the interest in the concept of it. “I don’t get it,” you admitted bluntly. “How can anyone let that stupid book dictate who they spend their life with? Isn’t it kind of deranged? I mean, sure, the world picks your soulmate based on your preferences or whatever, but preferences change all the time. What’s so magical about it?”

Haeun smirked, clearly amused by your usual skepticism. “You’re so closed-minded about the mirror book,” she said with a shake of her head.

“You don’t have to choose your soulmate. You can end up with anyone you want. But the soulmate from your mirror book? That’s a unique connection. It’s not just about preferences—it’s about something deeper. Like…” She paused, searching for the right words. “It’s like the red string of fate.”

Her explanation caught you off guard. All your life, you’d thought the mirror book only matched people based on their likes and dislikes by your mother and father. Yet Haeun was making it sound like it was something much more deeper.

“When I met Junseo a month after my 18th birthday,” she continued, her voice soft with the memory, “it felt like a part of me I didn’t even know was missing suddenly clicked into place.”

You shifted uncomfortably in your seat, trying to dismiss the strange sensation her words stirred in you.

“When you meet your soulmate,” Haeun said, her eyes warm and knowing, “it’s not just love. It’s a kind of happiness you can’t find anywhere else.”

You rolled your eyes. “Yeah, sure. Sounds like a fairy tale to me.”

Haeun groaned, clearly irritated. “Look, you don’t have to believe me right now. But there’s no harm in reading your book, you know?”

Her words lingered as the day went on. You spent time with your nephews, running errands, baking cookies, and even decorating a small cake for Haeun. These were the moments you loved—putting smiles on faces with little things. Yet, in the back of your mind, her suggestion gnawed at you.

That evening, after everyone had gone home, you found yourself sitting in your office, the tea-green book in your hands. Its presence felt heavier than it should, as if all the weight of the past seven years had settled in your lap.

You stared at the intricate cover, tracing the engraved details. The accents of dark green, sage, and gray caught the dim light, and your name on the spine gleamed in delicate white cursive. This book had followed you from place to place, always hidden—stuffed in boxes, shoved on high shelves, or buried in your bookcase.

Taking a deep breath, you opened it for the first time.

The pages were filled—hundreds of them, written over the course of seven years. The first few entries practically radiated excitement.

I can’t believe I got my book! I wonder what you’re like. Do you like music? Because I love it. I hope we have that in common.

The enthusiasm made you chuckle. Your soulmate seemed like a hopeless romantic, pouring her heart onto the pages. She mentioned being a trainee at Wollim Entertainment, and her youthful optimism was almost contagious.

But as you flipped through, the tone shifted. She grew demoralized, apologizing repeatedly for your silence, even wondering if she’d done something wrong. Then came a time jump—2018.

Wow, it’s been a while. I almost forgot this book existed. I don’t know if you’re reading it or if you’ve even opened it, but I think this book will be my diary from now on. Today, I finally debuted. It’s not under Wollim, but it’s a step. We’re going to be big. I just know it. The members are amazing, and we’ve already bonded so much over the course of a few months. I’ll always have their backs, no matter what happens.

You paused, curiosity piqued. She hadn’t debuted under Wollim?

Further entries painted a bittersweet picture. Two years later, there was another major update:

After a great two years, we finally disbanded. It was a bittersweet end to this chapter of my life. Our last concert was… emotional. Wonyoung and Yujinie wouldn’t stop crying. I don’t know what comes next for me. Back to training, I guess?

Tear stains dotted the page, their presence tugging at something in your chest. Her sadness felt strong, your heart feeling heavy at the sight of it, her uncertainty painful. You skimmed forward, finding more messages filled with longing for her old group and tentative hope for the future.

Finally, you reached the most recent entry, written just a week ago:

I don’t know how to feel. They’re making me go into a public relationship with Yeonjun. It’s for the group’s image, they say. I know it’s just business, but it feels wrong. I wish things were different.

The words sent a chill down your spine. Yeonjun? You didn’t keep up with K-pop much, but the name was vaguely familiar. You grabbed your phone and typed “K-pop Yeonjun” into the search bar. As the results loaded, one name stood out:

Kim Chaewon.

Your heart skipped a beat. Kim Chaewon? As in Chaewon from IZONE? Chaewon of LE SSERAFIM?*

Your fingers tightened around your shirt as your heartbeat quickened. Your soulmate is Kim Chaewon?

The thought left you reeling. She was a celebrity, and you? You were just an ordinary office worker. Insecurity crept in, making your stomach churn. What would she even think of you?

But maybe… maybe the first step was to stop overthinking and just write back. You reach for a pen, trying to piece together the first words you’d ever be telling her.

Hi. I don’t even know where to begin… I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not writing back all these years. I promise it wasn’t because I didn’t care. I just—I didn’t know how what to think of this, to be honest. The idea of a soulmate… seemed fake to me. I thought it was better to live my life without the pressure of this book defining who I should love or be with. But after reading everything you’ve written… I realize how unfair that was to you. You’ve poured so much of yourself into these pages, and I left you alone in it. For that, I’m deeply sorry. I also didn’t expect you to be… well, you. I figured from context your Kim Chaewon. You’re not just anyone. You’re someone the world knows. Someone who’s achieved so much, worked hard, and faced many challenges. You’ve gone through a lot, and I can’t imagine how lonely it must’ve been to write in here, not knowing if I’d ever read it or respond. I’m also so, so sorry about what you’re going through with this “relationship” situation. You don’t deserve that. I don’t know what to say other than it’s unfair, and I wish there was something I could do to make it better. I’m not sure if this is enough to make up for all the silence, but I’m here now. If you want to talk, I’ll listen. I promise.

Chaewon was sprawled on her bed, the dorm oddly quiet for the first time in a while. Most of the members were out at the company for various schedules, but Chaewon had managed to secure a few hours to herself.

She had been trying to relax, scrolling aimlessly through her phone, but her thoughts were heavy, weighed down by the fake relationship looming over her.

Then, out of the corner of her eye, her mirror book began to glow.

She froze, her phone slipping from her fingers onto the blanket. The soft, ethereal light from the book seemed almost unreal, and her heart leapt to her throat.

It had never glowed before. Not once.

Her hands trembled as she reached for it, hesitant. The idea of opening the book and finding nothing—a cruel glitch in the universe’s matchmaking—was terrifying. But what if there was something?

Taking a deep breath, Chaewon flipped open the book to the latest page. Her eyes scanned the handwriting, unfamiliar yet strangely comforting. With each word she read, her chest grew lighter.

She pressed a hand to her mouth, emotions crashing into her all at once. Relief. Sadness. Hope.

Your apology softened the ache she’d carried for years. The acknowledgment of her struggles, of her loneliness, made her feel seen in a way she hadn’t expected. But more than anything, she was just grateful. She was grateful that her soulmate had finally reached out, even if it was just this once.

She let out a shaky breath, wiping at her eyes before they could spill over. Grabbing a pen, she carefully began to write her response, her hand steady despite the storm of emotions she currently felt.

Hi! Thank you for writing to me. You didn’t have to, but I’m so glad you did. I won’t lie. There were times I thought you might never write back, and I convinced myself that was okay. But seeing your words today… it means more than I can put into words. You don’t need to apologize. I get it. This whole soulmate thing is overwhelming. Honestly, it scared me, too, when I first got my book. I kept thinking, “What if they don’t like me? What if I’m not enough?” But you are enough. You’re more than enough. Don’t ever feel like you’re not because of who I am or what I do. I’m just a person. I get scared and confused, too. I want to know more about you. Who you are, what you like, what makes you happy. Anything you want to tell me, I want to know. And if you’d rather take things slow, that’s okay, too. No pressure. Just… thank you for responding. Even if it’s only this once, it means the world to me.

Chaewon closed the book, her smile wide and genuine. It had been years, but finally, you made yourself known to her. The weight of uncertainty, the questions she had carried for so long—they didn’t feel so heavy anymore.

Without hesitation, she grabbed her phone and opened the group chat with her members.

Chae GUYS. MY MIRROR BOOK GLOWED.

The chat quickly exploded with notifications.

Zuha WOAHHH No way?? Are you serious?! 😲

Smiley Potato Well finally!!!!! What did they say???

Kkura unnie finally?? after all this time? what did you write back?? 🫣

Jennifer HOLD UP …what if it’s a scam? 🤔 soulmate catfishing could totally be a thing.

Chaewon rolled her eyes, laughing softly as she typed her response.

Chae i don’t think it’s fake! they wrote about stuff that only someone who read a lot of the book would know like the PR thing with Yeonjun 👹 they even apologized for not writing all these years

The chat went silent for a few moments, as if the group collectively held their breath.

Smiley Potato okay, but like are you sure they’re genuine?

Chaewon i am it didn’t feel fake it felt… real like they’ve been holding back for a long time but wanted to make things right 🙂‍↕️

Zuha awwwwww that’s so sweet 🥹

Kkura unnie well, don’t scare them off just take it slow

Chaewon nodded to herself, grateful for their support, even if some of them were skeptical. For the first time in a long while, her excitement replacing the weight of her worries.

The next morning, you sat at your desk, the tea-green book lying closed in front of you. Your gaze lingered on it, anticipation bubbling in your chest. When you finally opened it, the latest entry made you smile.

Chaewon had accepted your apology. She hadn’t held onto any anger or resentment. Instead, her words were warm, curious, and welcoming. It felt nice on your conscience knowing she didn’t hate you.

You leaned back in your chair, staring at the blank page in front of you. Your mind raced with what to write. It was weird, wasn’t it? Sharing your life with someone you didn’t even know? Still, she’d written so much about herself over the years. The least you could do was give her the same.

Picking up your pen, you began to write.

Hi again. I wasn’t sure if I’d write back so soon, but your reply made me smile. Thank you for not hating me after all this time. I guess I should tell you a little about myself? But, to be honest, I think you might find me pretty boring. I work a dumb office job that keeps me way too busy, but it pays the bills, so I can’t complain too much. My real passion, though, is baking. I love making cakes, cookies, pastries—you name it. I dream of opening my own little bakery one day, but, well, starting a business here isn’t exactly easy. My parents live in Jeollanam-do, in a small village near Boseong. You’d love it there—the green tea fields stretch on forever. I visit when I can, but it’s tough to find time with work and everything. My sister, Haeun, lives closer to me. She’s married and has two kids who are absolute terrors but in the cutest way possible. They keep me on my toes whenever they visit. Oh, and my favorite color is green, probably because of where I grew up. It reminds me of home, of peace, of the simpler times before life got so… complicated. Anyway, that’s me. Just an ordinary person in a very ordinary life.

You paused, biting your lip as you reread what you wrote. Did it sound too plain? Too uninteresting? Shaking off the self-doubt, you finished your entry.

I hope this isn’t too boring for you to read. I’m sure your life is much more exciting. But I’d love to hear more about you, too. If you don’t mind, that is.

Setting the pen down, you closed the book, feeling both nervous and hopeful. You weren’t sure what would come next, but for now, it felt good to share a piece of yourself with her.

The next day, Chaewon’s schedule was packed with photoshoots and rehearsals, but her mirror book sat discreetly in her bag. During a break, she pulled it out, the soft green glow catching her attention. She flipped it open, her lips curling into a smile as she read your latest entry. Your awkwardness, your humility—it was endearing in a way she hadn’t expected.

She laughed softly, shaking her head. “So ordinary, huh?” she muttered to herself, the amusement lingering in her expression. Her heart felt lighter, and for the first time in days, she didn’t feel so weighed down by everything else.

As the crew shuffled around, prepping for the next shot, she quickly grabbed a pen and began to write back.

I don’t know why you think your life is boring. Reading your words makes me feel like I’m learning about a whole new world. Honestly, your passion for baking? It's amazing. I can’t even crack an egg without causing a disaster, so I’m already impressed. Life on my end… it’s exciting, but not always in good ways, like this whole PR relationship thing. It feels like I’m constantly trying to prove something to the world, even when it doesn’t feel like me. Training life was hard, but this industry is even harder sometimes. There’s always something—rumors, hate, expectations. And now, with this, I can already feel the negativity piling on, even though I’ve been avoiding social media the past few days. My members, though, have been helping me get through it. Well, mostly. They’re a little skeptical about you, but I can’t blame them for being cautious. But you feel real to me. Your letters, your thoughts— calculated. They’re just you. And you’re cute, by the way. The way you write, stumbling over your own words like you’re nervous about sounding silly? It’s adorable. I hope you know that. I really hope we can meet one day. I don’t know when or how, but the idea of finally seeing you face-to-face makes me… excited. Nervous but excited.

Chaewon closed the book just as the photographer called her name. She tucked it away, a soft smile still on her face as she returned to the set.

What she didn’t realize was that fate was already weaving its threads, and it was only a matter of time before your paths crossed for real.

It was a random day when, Haeun, insisted on introducing you to a friend of hers over lunch. You hadn’t thought much of it at first—Haeun was always the social butterfly of the family, her circle of connections ranging from neighbors to industry professionals.

The three of you met at a cozy restaurant downtown. Haeun’s friend, Sojung, was sharp, poised, and had an air of effortless confidence about her. As the conversation flowed, you shared polite smiles and nods while your sister took the lead. But when the topic shifted to your baking, Sojung’s interest piqued.

“Haeun tells me you’re amazing at baking,” Sojung said, her tone warm and encouraging.

You waved it off, feeling a little self-conscious. “It’s just something I’ve always enjoyed. Nothing big.”

Haeun, of course, wasn’t having it. “Nothing big? Please. Y/n’s been dreaming about opening her own bakery for years. She’s just never gone out of her way to try and do it.”

Sojung leaned forward slightly, her eyes lighting up. “Actually, I’ve been looking for a new business venture. I’d love to help you make this dream happen.”

The words caught you off guard. You blinked at her, unsure if you’d misheard. “You’d… help me? Really?”

“Of course,” she replied, smiling. “I’ve got the resources, and if you’ve got the talent and the vision, we could make something incredible together.”

So the two weeks that followed were a whirlwind. Your mornings still began with your mundane office job, but your evenings and weekends became consumed with planning. Together with Sojung, you toured potential locations, sketched ideas for the bakery’s design, and worked on everything from color schemes to menu concepts.

It was exciting, yes, but also exhausting. Balancing your office work that your boss, Younghyun, gave with the demands of setting up the bakery left you with little time for anything else. Even writing to Chaewon, which had quickly become a bright spot in your life, had to be put on hold.

But when the bakery finally opened, it felt surreal. The storefront was everything you’d imagined—soft pastels, elegant displays, and the warm aroma of freshly baked goods greeting every customer who walked through the door. But in the chaos of launching your dream, you realized you hadn’t told Chaewon the name of the store.

That night, once the rush of the grand opening had died down, you finally sat down with your mirror book. Opening it, you felt a pang of guilt as you saw Chaewon’s last message still unanswered. Picking up your pen, you began to write.

Chaewon, I’m so sorry for not writing back sooner. These past two weeks have been insane. My sister introduced me to a friend who offered to help me open my own bakery. It’s been a dream of mine for so long, but I didn’t think it would ever happen. Now it’s real, and I’ve been so busy trying to balance my job and getting everything ready that I haven’t had a moment to breathe. We finally opened today. It’s small but cozy, and I love it. I wish I could tell you where it is, but honestly, I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that it even exists. Maybe one day, if we meet, I can show you in person? I hope you’re doing okay. I know I’ve been terrible at keeping up, but I’ve thought about your letters a lot. Even in the chaos, they’ve stuck with me. I’ll try not to disappear again, I promise.

With a deep breath, you closed the book, hoping Chaewon would understand. What you didn’t know was that your words would soon light up her mirror book, bringing a smile to her face during her own chaotic days.

The message from Chaewon came later that night, her handwriting as neat and lovely as ever.

Hey, Don’t apologize, really. I’m just glad you’re chasing your dreams. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot, but I’m happy to know life’s heading in the right direction for you. Your bakery sounds so cozy, and I can already picture how it must look. I hope it becomes everything you want it to be. If we ever get the chance to meet, I’d love to visit. Don’t stress too much about writing back. Life gets busy, and I understand that. Just know that I’m always here, and I’m cheering you on from afar.

Reading her reply, you couldn’t help but smile. The warmth in her words, the genuine support—it was unlike anything you’d felt before.

In the days that followed, you did your best to keep up with her letters despite your increasingly hectic schedule. Your office job, under the relentless supervision of Younghyun, had become more demanding than ever. He piled project after project on your desk, and there were days you barely had time to think.

When you weren’t drowning in work at the office, you were juggling the new bakery, My Sweet Home. It was bustling with customers from the moment the doors opened. With only two employees to help you run the place, every day was stressful but you loved everything about it.

Even with everything going on, you brought your mirror book everywhere. During rare quiet moments, you would pull it out to read Chaewon’s latest messages, finding comfort in her words. Her letters became a kind reminder that someone out there cared about the small victories and struggles you were facing.

The following week, Yunjin heard about the opening of a bakery in Seoul that had been trending locally. Intrigued by the buzz, she convinced Kazuha and Chaewon to join her for a visit.

“It’ll be fun!” Yunjin chirped as they left their dorm. “And we can go incognito. Hats, masks—the whole deal. No one will know it’s us.”

Chaewon hesitated but agreed, curious about the bakery herself. The trio arrived at My Sweet Home to find the place packed with customers. The air was filled with the sweet aroma of fresh pastries and cakes, and every table was full.

“Wow, this place is popular,” Kazuha said, her voice muffled under her mask.

Yunjin nodded approvingly. “Told you it was worth the trip. Let’s grab a seat while we wait.”

Chaewon followed them inside, her gaze sweeping over the cozy décor. There was a warmth to the space that immediately made her feel at ease.

In the back, you were pulling trays of cupcakes out of the oven, each one perfectly golden and ready to be decorated. You had no idea that three idols were sitting in your café, let alone Chaewon herself. With a practiced hand, you quickly piped frosting onto the, now, cooled cupcakes, adding a sprinkle of edible glitter before carrying the tray out front.

As you stepped into the bustling café, your eyes scanned the crowd—and then froze.

There she was. Even with the mask and hat, you recognized her immediately. Her eyes locked with yours, and at that exact moment, your mirror book, tucked in the office area, began to glow faintly.

You saw the recognition in her gaze too, the moment she realized who you were.

Chaewon’s breath caught as she took in the sight of you. Despite the flour dusting your apron and your slightly messy hair, she thought you were beautiful, your eyes like a small puppy and your lips opened due to the shock.

You hesitated for a second before signaling toward the back with a nervous gesture, hoping she’d understand. To your surprise, Chaewon nodded and quietly slipped away from the table, leaving Yunjin and Kazuha to distract themselves with the menu who never noticed her disappearance.

In the small back room of the bakery, you paced nervously until Chaewon appeared. She closed the door softly behind her, pulling down her mask and revealing a warm, slightly nervous smile.

For a moment, neither of you spoke, the reality of meeting for the first time sinking in.

Then, without warning, Chaewon stepped forward and wrapped her arms around you. Her embrace was gentle yet firm, and the faint scent of lavender surrounded you, soothing your nerves.

“Hi,” she said softly, her voice steady despite the emotions you both were feeling.

“Hi,” you whispered back, still processing the fact that she was here, that she was real.

“Uhm… I don’t even know what to say,” you tell here as the two of you came apart and she chuckles. “Well, I don’t think either of us were actually expecting this.”

"How bout' you start off with your name?"

You shake your head in a frenzy, "R-right. I'm Na Y/n. Nice to meet you, Miss Kim Chaewon." You reach out your hand for a handshake, but she gives you another hug, this one feeling more softer than the last. Welp, at least you now knew she was a hugger.

She then began to think, “So~ My Sweet Home is yours?”

You nodded shyly as she looks around, making herself comfortable quickly. Chaewon’s eyes then fall onto some papers and a four trays of mint green cookies beside them. She points then looks at you, “Those are?”

“Oh, matcha cookies and mint chocolate chip cookies,” you tell her, showing her the paper of the recipe you formulated a week back. As if Chaewon’s eyes sparkled, she yelps in excitement. “I love mint chocolate chip! …Is it okay if I try one?” You giggled, finding her cute, and nod. The cookies were still warm as she took a bite.

As she tasted its flavor, she made cute noises and did a little dance, shimmying her body back and forth, with her cheeks puffed up full of sweets. You just couldn’t help but giggled at her antics, she was too cute for your heart to handle.

“Yeah, having a soulmate definitely isnt so bad,” you blurted out. You didn’t mean to admit that out loud, but you did mean it. Chaewon looks at you, her curious eyes looking playful as well. “Really?” She asked in a tiny voice, struggling to speak with her mouth still full.

You nod with a smile of your face, “Really.”

#❅ ssivinee's fic #kim chaewon #le sserafim #wlw #gxg #kpop gg #kpop gg x reader #kpop x female reader #kim chaewon x f reader #lesserafim x reader #lesserafim chaewon #lesserafim kim chaweon #lesserafim kim chaweon x f reader #lesserafim #les

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silantryoo · 8 months ago

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nakamura kazuha x le sserafim!reader (fluff)

WARNINGS ; scheming, possessiveness (non-toxic)

kazuha lived a hectic life, almost as hectic as her mind.

at age three, she decided to throw herself into a raging fire.

she had listened to one of her close friends (as close as children could get at that age, at least) rave about how fun their after-school activities were. how she felt like the spotlight was on her, and only her.

kazuha would never admit it, but she craved attention. she yearned to be seen and be recognized, to be watched and to amaze. her after-school activities (read: watching cartoons and drawing stick figures for her parents to interpret) left her with a restlessness, one that relayed onto her parents.

("kazuha! stop cutting holes into your blankets!")

nearly all her childhood memories consisted of school and ballet. it was a monotonous rinse and repeat. each day, she woke up with the dull sensation of aching and routine.

it was fun. it was exciting.

kazuha knew she was good. there was no doubt about it. she would get comments from other parents, praising her, and her mom and dad constantly walked around with their chins held high, knowing how well they're daughter performed.

she was a performer. an amazing one at that.

it didn't go unrecognized. as soon as she reached high school, she earned herself a hefty scholarship, attending one of the most rigorous ballet academies in the world.

kazuha had everything a ballerina could ever want to achieve, but somehow, a sudden emptiness started to consume her.

ballet was fun. kazuha knew what to do to get the spotlight. she knew how to catch the attention of the audience. it was a test, a rigorous evaluation of everything she knew in each class, in each recital.

it was a test, one which she had studied.

but nakamura kazuha wanted to perform.

she would've lied if she said she joined hybe purely out of ambition.

kazuha knew about kpop. she wasn't born in the last century. she, although not as diehard as her roommate, liked blackpink and bts. she knew their discography well enough to attend concerts, and her roommate usually blasted some random song from an idol group while washing the dishes.

(she refused to mention her secret twitter page that somehow shifted into a blackpink fan account.)

when she had gotten the email from hybe, kazuha was more than hesitant. she heard horror stories about the training, how foreigners were forced to speak a language they knew none of. kazuha was already accustomed to how rigorous ballet was, but she knew that the language barrier would be the final straw to making her break.

still, she couldn't do this forever. she couldn't die doing ballet, of feeling the dull ache of something missing.

"i don't know." kazuha sighed, gritting her teeth as she thought about that email again.

Dear Nakamura Kazuha...

("how did they find out my email address and my full name?!")

her roommate sighed. "i think you should."

"and leave everything behind?" kazuha shivered at the thought. change was fun as it was scary. "what if my parents say no?.

mina shook her head. "as if they would. they know how your brain works."

kazuha couldn't disagree with her. her parents were her number one supporters. if she decided to be a cashier at the nearest 7eleven, they would support her.

"besides," mina smirked. kazuha always became worried when her friend was smug. "i heard some of the izone members-"

l/n y/n.

"izone?"

kazuha hadn't known much about izone in all honesty.

all she knew was that miyawaki sakura, honda hitomi, and yabuki nako were in the group. she had heard their songs, and although she had always wanted to get into them, she never had the time.

but then there was you.

your minju-unnie said that it was okay that your family group disbanded. she said that it was an opportunity for growth and change, and despite her face full of tears, you tried your best to believe her.

packing your bags was the hardest thing you had to do. your roommates, wonyoung and yujin, were quiet and solemn. it was unlike the three of you. your unnies always heard shouting from your room, whether it was you and yujin arguing over the air conditioning, or wonyoung begging you to go shopping with her.

you were their maknaes.

now, you were no one's.

being a group of thirteen, someone was always left out, no matter how hard eunbi or sakura tried. sometimes, it was one of the two. other times, it was willingly hyewon, trying to avoid working.

sometimes, it was you.

everyone grouped up. yujin and wonyoung were going back to their company, starship. hitomi, sakura, and nako were getting ready to fly back to japan. yena and yuri talked to a bumbling and restless chaewon, crying into their arms. chaeyeon and hyewon were in the corner, worriedly watching eunbi as she scanned everyone's faces.

"y/n-ah."

you turned around, wiping the tears off your face.

"minju-unnie." you couldn't help but smile at the older girl.

minju was your rock.

she was a year older, and almost, if not more, confused than you about the whole idol thing. she was shy and insecure, always double-checking if things were done right.

but she was always there. minju always cared, even when she didn't have time to care.

she was the older sister you had always wanted (regardless of whatever chaewon and yena said during interviews and lives).

"give me a hug."

"okay."

you smiled, holding her tight. you could feel her tears dripping onto your shoulder, and her hand gripping your shirt.

minju was afraid, just like you were.

"i'm still your unnie after this, okay?" you didn't know if minju was trying to convince you or herself, but it didn't matter. "talk to me about anything."

you pulled back.

why did this feel like a goodbye? why did it feel like everyone knew this was a goodbye.

you didn't want them to leave. you didn't want them to forget you.

"unnie-"

"i'll be okay." minju could always read your mind somehow. "everything will be okay."

"okay." it'll be okay. everything will be okay. you'll still have your family members. "i trust you, unnie."

a week later, you, chaewon, minju, and sakura received an email.

everything will be okay.

being okay came in the form of nakamura kazuha.

you had seen her on that video call, talking in broken sentences with a cute accent. she read the paper in front of her, and you could visibly remember the light reflecting the hiragana pronunciation from the back.

a month later, she flew in.

nakamura kazuha was pretty.

a soft knock echoed through your room, the vinyl drowning it out after a few moments. the clock on your table read one am.

it could've been anyone of your group members at this point. maybe it was yunjin, dragging you out to go eat with one of her friends (despite it being past midnight). it could've been sakura, just wanting to sit next to you as she knitted. maybe it was eunchae too, claiming your room was colder despite her living in a different dorm complex. maybe it was chaewon...

you shook your head. chaewon wouldn't leave her room.

the door creaked open, puppy eyes staring back at you.

"hi."

kazuha.

you smiled. part of you was glad that minju never took the offer from hybe, otherwise she would pester you nonstop about your (extremely obvious) crush on the japanese ballerina.

you waved your hand, telling her to go inside. the younger girl beamed at you, a red tint dusting the apples of her cheeks.

"i got something!"

you raised an eyebrow, sitting up as you tried to peak at what she was holding.

"what is it?"

kazuha blinked, trying to calm herself down from bursting at the thought of spending time with you.

it didn't matter to her that you two had been friends for more than a year. being near you was enough to make her heart double in size.

"i, uh, i bought a lego set." she couldn't show that her confidence was wavering. "yunjin-unnie doesn't wanna do it with me."

you frowned.

you loved yunjin as much as the next person did, but you hated it when kazuha talked about her. the ballerina seemed to worship the ground that yunjin walked on.

the worst part was the fact you couldn't blame her. back in izone, there was a moment in time when you had done the same with one of your former members.

minju still teased you about your former crush.

the room went quiet, and kazuha could tell that you were caught in your head again. she always wondered if you thought about her when you were lost in your thoughts. maybe if she knew, she would find the courage to tell you her true feelings.

kazuha fiddled with the box, her voice suddenly a whisper.

"do you," kazuha blushed harder. "do you wanna do it with me?"

although you knew that kazuha most likely went to you after yunjin had said no, you couldn't help but agree. it didn't matter to you that you always seemed to be kazuha's second thought. all that mattered was that she thought of you.

you nodded, and the younger girl couldn't help but smile brightly.

("it'll be a good excuse for you to confess! maybe you'll even kiss her."

"unnie!")

you moved aside, letting kazuha sit across from you. she couldn't help but blush at the feeling of your covers. your room always seemed softer and brighter than hers, just like how you seemed prettier than everyone else.

kazuha sighed. maybe yunjin was right. maybe kazuha had fallen a bit too much in like and ended up in love.

she didn't mind though, not when you felt so familiar to the spotlight.

"these flowers are pretty." you looked closely at the orchids, humming as you traced the box with your finger.

mina had always mentioned how she was a sucker for pretty girls. she vividly remembers the two of them in their second-grade science class, kazuha tensing up whenever her teacher came near, or the time that one of her closest friends back in the academy complimented her physique, and she stiffened up so hard that she strained her neck.

when she first saw you during that video call, she was more calm than she expected. kazuha knew that she was gonna meet her celebrity crush, and the thought of you knowing she existed nearly made her brain short-circuit but she prepared. kazuha wasn't weak-willed.

and then she met you in real life.

somehow, she had forgotten how to speak at all.

("kazuha, right?"

"mmh!")

even after two years, she still struggled to form thoughts around you. it wasn't her fault that you were pretty.

kazuha cleared her throat, her face heating up as she realized how long she had stayed silent.

the two of you got to work quickly, the lull of the record playing. pieces of lego scattered your bedsheet, the two of you (mostly just you) struggling to figure out which piece went where.

"so..." you fiddled with a piece, one that you assumed to be the leaf. "you got these for yunjin-unnie?"

kazuha snapped out of her daze, too focused on completing the set in front of her. she always got too into these things.

"huh?"

"the flowers." you smiled, holding back an 'aw'. kazuha was too adorable for her own good. "you said yunjin-unnie didn't want to build them with you."

kazuha couldn't help but avoid your gaze.

she knew that you weren't exactly the best when it came to anything that required hand-eye coordination and focus. she also knew that she desperately wanted to spend time with you. you had been too busy meeting up with your former members and she had been missing you a bit too much.

she had seen the set while window-shopping.

they looked easy enough, one that wouldn't confuse you as much as the other ones, but hard enough to make sure it took more than one sitting.

it was a perfect excuse.

"oh, um," kazuha didn't know why it suddenly got so hot in your room. "no, i got them just because."

you glanced at her, watching as she toyed with the piece in her hand. you had no reason to doubt the younger girl, but you had to admit it was odd.

you couldn't complain, however. kazuha was here, and that's all you wanted.

the two of you continued, you looking over every so often. the scattered pieces seemed to never end, and despite the younger girl's dexterity, your lack of seemed to prolong the process more than it should've (just like she had hoped).

"this has a lot of parts." you muttered, feeling bad. "i think you picked the wrong person for this, zuha."

kazuha, like always, smiled at you as if she was smiling for the audience.

"i don't mind it taking long."

it was breathtaking.

"if you say so..."

you yawned, rubbing your eyes as you curled up against the futon.

you loved comebacks more than an idol should. it was fun to roam around, exploring the building of whatever showcase it was. being the only extrovert in le sserafim, you also made it your duty to help the others (and yourself) connect with whoever you seemed to cross paths with.

most days, you would already be outside, introducing sakura to whoever walked by.

not today. not when you were running on three hours of sleep.

"y/n-ah," sakura's voice echoed in your brain. "did you see my iron anywhere?"

"chaewon-unnie had it last." you yawned out.

sakura glared at her leader, watching as chaewon dug through her comically large bag. she needed to use it after the show. chaewon couldn't look like a mess in front of min anyone.

the leader stared you down, your peaceful body irritating her.

"snitch."

your mouth dropped open.

a couple years ago, back in izone, chaewon wouldn't dare insult you (although snitch was barely an insult). it didn't matter whether you barged into her room unannounced and left the door open, insulting you was off-limits.

as one of your unnie's once said, insulting you is equivalent to scolding a kitten who didn't know any better.

"i'm telling eunbi-unnie!" you whined, pouting.

chaewon laughed, pinching your cheek as if your threat meant nothing to her. you were basically her little sister after all. the worst thing that your 'mom' would do was scold her.

"like you told her about your crush on zuha?" chaewon snorted as she saw how red your cheeks had suddenly gotten. "how she's so pretty when she dances and how you wanna kiss her?"

you slapped her arm away, embarrassed. you should've known that eunbi had told chaewon (and probably the rest of the other girls) about your infatuation with the ballerina in your current group.

maybe that's why wonyoung gave you a thumbs up when she saw you and kazuha gathering drinks for the rest of your members.

"kkura-unnie!" you turned to the eldest, her figure hidden under a purple blanket. "chaewon-unnie being annoying again!"

you stared at the blob, waiting for it to utter a word. something that hopefully defended you from your child-like leader. sakura tended to take your side, anyway, except when-

you squinted, watching as the blanket shook up and down.

was she...

"stop laughing!" you groaned, throwing your head back.

you thought that somehow, especially since hong eunchae was in your group, chaewon and sakura would stop treating you like a maknae.

it seemed to be worse now, the two throwing jabs at your unrequited crush when the three of you were left alone.

"when are you gonna ask her out, y/n-ah?" sakura sat up, her voice drowning out the door opening. "you can't pine forever."

eunchae looked around, her eyes beaming with curiosity.

"ask who out?"

chaewon screamed as the youngest's voice echoed from behind, her eyes wide open as she jumped onto the couch. somehow, sakura followed with her, the sheer volume of the leader's voice frightening her.

"jesus, eunchae..." chaewon clutched her heart. "you scared me."

beside her, sakura's head hung low as she tried to catch her breath.

eunchae chose to ignore the two, glancing at you with shining wonder.

"who are you gonna ask out, unnie?"

she already knew who you were talking about. eunchae wasn't dumb. she saw the quiet glances and the bright smiles you and kazuha sent to each other. she knew that sakura saw it too.

but somehow, neither you nor your ballerina did.

you bit your tongue, debating whether or not to tell the younger girl in front of you.

you trusted eunchae. the young girl knew how to keep a secret unlike some people (yunjin and chaewon), but you also knew she had a tendency to meddle when the chance was given to her. it was why your junior, minji, and chaewon were so adamant about keeping her and her friend, haerin, away from each other.

you hummed, blurting out the second name that you could think of.

"minju-unnie."

"minju-sunbaenim?" eunchae shook her head. she didn't know you were this bad at lying. "as if chaewon-unnie would let that happen."

all eyes shifted to chaewon as her ears burned a firey red.

"yah!"

eunchae rolled her eyes, pouting as she ignored her leader's half-hearted scolding.

"so?" the youngest continued to press. "who is it?"

you shrugged, not knowing that the two of you were thinking about the same girl. "no one."

"but-"

the door opened, kazuha and yunjin entering the cramped room with a boxful of cheesecake.

chaewon frowned. she had told them to get real food. not dessert.

"what is that?" chaewon glared at the white reflecting the lights.

yunjin looked down, half confused and half serious. "it's a container...?"

with a deep breath, chaewon closed her eyes. she always wondered how eunbi managed to keep some sanity when choi yena, kang hyewon, and ahn yujin were all under her care.

part of her knew that if yunjin was added to that mix, eunbi would combust.

"but i ordered rice...?"

chaewon looked at the proud smile on her member's face. "it's made with flour, so it's close enough."

huh yunjin was gonna give her an aneurysm.

"have you told her yet?"

being ambushed while drying her hair wasn't exactly how kazuha wanted to spend her night.

in all honesty, she had mentally prepared herself to confess to you later today. from the moment her six alarms rang, she knew that she'd do it.

she didn't take into account how many people would stop by and say hi to you.

kazuha frowned. why did you know so many pretty people?

"no..."

yunjin frowned, pointing at her with the fork in her hand. "you said you'd do it today?"

kazuha loved the thrill of the spotlight. she loved showing the world that, not only was she talented, she was confident. she held herself with a poise that she knew many people could never compare to.

kazuha never crumbled under the presence of the spotlight.

why was it so different with you?

"told who what yet?"

kazuha spun around, her eyes wide. it had slipped her mind eunchae usually drank a caprisun around this time. something about her nightly routine...

(kazuha tried to pay attention, but eunchae talked fast, faster than she could translate in her head.)

"what?" yunjin laughed awkwardly, her mouth scrunching up. "told who what?"

leave it to yunjin to make things obvious.

"you're such a bad liar, unnie." eunchae rolled her eyes. "so, who is it zuha-unnie?"

kazuha swallowed air, her fingers nervously tapping on her side. if eunchae found out, there was no doubt that she'd tell you before kazuha herself could.

"no one."

the youngest sighed. everyone seemed to think she was five years old or something. they might as well have told her santa was real.

eunchae shook her head, plastering an unbothered smile on her face.

the maknae had decided a while ago to not get in between you and kazuha. she liked how the two of you acted like two stupid shoujo characters, dancing around their feelings. yes, it frustrated her, but at the very least, she found daily entertainment.

everyone had forced her hand.

"oh..." eunchae nodded. "you're just like y/n-unnie."

kazuha's head perked up almost instantly, like a dog when they smelt a treat nearby.

"what?" eunchae knew something about you? was it something she didn't know? "what about her?"

the youngest bit back a smirk.

"i heard that she was gonna ask someone out."

someone...

kazuha frowned.

someone?

did she know them? were they close to you? was it one of your former members? was that why you had been so busy visiting them instead of paying attention to her?

"who?" kazuha's mind couldn't stop racing as she named all the people you had visited in the past month.

eunchae chuckled, squeezing past her and grabbing a drink from the fridge. "i'm not telling!"

"what?" gears turned in kazuha's head, her frown deepening. "who?"

eunchae smiled. if she was right and kazuha thought like any lead in any of her favorite tv shows, planning a seed of anxiety would be enough for her to finally do something.

"she's probably teasing, zuha." yunjin's voice was laced with nervousness, never before seeing kazuha in such a state of panic.

"maybe..." the youngest sighed.

wow... she was a genius.

"so," the youngest stabbed her juice open, sipping as she acted innocently. "do you guys think minju-sunbaenim is pretty?"

the kitchen went silent.

"...what?"

yunjin's eyes widened. she never knew kazuha's voice could be so intimidating.

"minju-sunbaenim?"

minju? kim minju?

how was she supposed to compete against kim minju?

kazuha liked spending time with you.

she liked how easily she made you laugh, how your eyes seemed to brighten at every word she uttered. she took note of how your cheeks tinged red, and how you'd stare at her as if she was the focus of your attention.

your spotlight was on her.

she'd never tell you, but there was a reason why she had gotten so close to yunjin out of nowhere.

it was obvious how you liked jokes, stupid or not. you laughed at whatever was said, even if imaginary tomatoes were being hurled towards the other person.

huh yunjin always managed to make you laugh, and kazuha knew from the first day she met you that she wanted that as well. she wanted your eyes on her and only her.

("take it."

"a joke book, yunjin-unnie? i don't think..."

"it'll work. trust me.")

now, the spotlight was somewhere else. somewhere familiar... somewhere you were used to.

it was driving her insane.

kazuha looked up, watching as you struggled with the legos in your hand.

"do you like minju-sunbaenim?"

you paused, confusion suddenly appearing in your eyes.

"minju-unnie?"

kazuha, too filled with anxiousness and determination, thought nothing of it.

"do you like her?"

you blinked. kazuha had never been this blunt, nor this flat with you.

your searched your brain for an explanation, but none came to. "where'd this come from?"

kazuha frowned. that wasn't a no.

"eunchae said you did."

you laughed quietly, shaking your head as the girl in front of you sulked. gently, you put the last piece together, staring at the orchid head in your hand.

"don't listen to eunchae." you smiled, her eyes hardening as she took in your words. "she just heard i liked someone and-"

someone?

there was someone, just not kim minju.

kazuha nodded internally. she could compete with someone. in fact, she was sure she would win. as long as it wasn't another person like minju (god forbid it was hyewon), she'd be fine.

hell, she'd fight lee chaeyeon for you.

"who?"

"who?" you blushed under the dim light of your lamp, the thought of confessing to kazuha outright flustering you. "someone..."

the ballerina clenched her jaw. she didn't understand why you wouldn't tell her.

she was greedy. she had always been. kazuha needed to learn to share the spotlight, but she had always struggled with it. she needed to learn to accept that not everything came to her the way she wanted it to, no matter how hard she tried.

"i think we did it!" you smiled, clicking the last piece of the set together. "i'm so glad that's over with-"

she wasn't gonna share you.

kazuha crawled over, not caring that her knee had crushed the bottom of the pot that the two of you worked so hard on.

"kazuha!"

your eyes widened in horror as it shattered under her weight. it took you two hours of work, and so much patience that you felt like you had transcended time at certain points.

kazuha didn't care.

she craved the spotlight. she craved you.

her hand rested on the side of your neck, pulling you into a kiss she had so desperately dreamt of each night.

you barely registered what was going on, your brain hopping from grieve to confusion to flustered in less than a second. her mouth was on yours. kazuha was kissing you.

humming, your eyes screwed shut as you focused all your attention on her. you could taste the faint layer of chapstick on her lips, the one that you had always wondered what tasted like.

sweet. you smiled. like her perfume.

you pulled back awkwardly, watching as she semi-hovered over you, and struggled to maintain her position.

"focus on me instead." she ignored the sharp pieces digging themselves into her knee. "like me instead, unnie."

you looked into her dark irises, her breathing heavy as they searched yours. you couldn't believe how out of nowhere kazuha had been. you had known her long enough to know how she kept her thoughts to herself, rarely speaking out unless something had happened.

you paused.

oh.

"eunchae, you sneaky little..." you shook your head, deciding to scold the youngest another time. now, your focus was kazuha.

her eyes never wavered away from yours, almost as if she was silently pleading for confirmation.

with a smile, you chuckled. "you're the someone, kazuha."

kazuha's face went blank, shifting to her knees.

"huh?" her face heat up. she had never been more embarrassed in her life. "but eunchae said..."

you gave her a pointed look.

"exactly."

kazuha clenched her eyes as she sat back to the opposite of you. how did a fifteen-year-old manage to out-smart her.

i got played.

"so..." kazuha sat cross-legged, glancing sadly at the broken figure in front of her. "i broke our flowers for nothing?"

you couldn't help but let out a laugh, watching as the girl across from you reminisced about the state of the lego set a few minutes ago.

"it's okay." you hummed, picking up the pieces. "it just means more time together."

kazuha hummed happily, going back to work to fix the vase. the more time she spent with you, the better.

together...

that was another conversation for another day.

eunchae stared at the fake flowers on the living room table, smiling as her scheming had worked perfectly.

she was glad that you two were finally dating, even if that meant you and kazuha (poorly) snuck around the dorms.

it was also a plus that she got treats for not telling chaewon about anything (not like she was going to).

"do you know orchids mean love?" sakura said, glancing at her phone.

"love?" chaewon laughed. you were too young to know what love was. "y/nnie didn't even have her first kiss yet."

yunjin's eyes bulged out, not sure if she was hearing wrong. "she didn't tell you?"

"unnie."

"oops."

> main masterlist.

#nakamura kazuha x reader #kazuha nakamura x reader #le sserafim x reader #lesserafim x reader #kpop x reader #idol x reader #silantryo

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