#Just thinking about how different societies probably reached similar milestones with different people and in different ways <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[bumblingbabooshka]

I wonder if in Federation schools with very mixed students (like how Keiko taught a ferengi, a human, bajorans...etc) certain historical questions have multiple acceptable answers.  Federation teacher has to spend half their time fact checking the answers that their alien students wrote down because for ‘Inventor of the Telephone’ one student wrote ‘Alexander Graham Bell’ another wrote ‘Rahguk son of Mor’ another wrote ‘What is a telephone?’ and another wrote ‘Vashermock The Kyern spoke to your human Graham Bell through a series of long forgotten dreams so technically it was the inventor - the human’s hands were moved by its wisdom.’

[firelxdykatara]

It's also just incredibly stupid on its face because we are not pokemon--we do not evolve into a completely different species just because we hit some arbitrary age milestone. I still have many of the same interests and passions now, at thirty-three, as I had when I was nineteen. And when I was twenty, and in a community choir where I was twenty years younger than the next youngest member, I had a great time and found I had a lot in common with many of my fellow choir members--including the fifty-year-old man who looked like Kevin Kline and on whom I had an enormous crush.

Like, no, it's not necessary to have common ground in order to find someone hot and want to and be willing to have sex with them--but also it's quite possible to have more in common with someone twenty years your senior who is in the same community programs as you than you do with someone in your peer group who has wildly different interests that don't intersect with your life at any point.

And it's even sillier when people say stuff like 'what does that 27-year-old even have to say to that 19-year-old' because, like.... that's not even a full decade? That's potentially two people in the same generation, and depending on how they meet that could already be a point of commonality on which attraction or even a relationship could build. As an example, when I was 27 I was still heavily involved in my community college's theater program, and I developed a crush on one of the other actors in the production we did that spring. I liked him because he was cute and funny and we both could talk for ages about video games we both enjoyed and also damn could he sing. It was a couple of months before the topic of ages even came up, and it was because it was my birthday, and he heard me tell someone else how old I was and he was like you're 28????? Cause apparently he'd thought I was 22, tops, and I'd assumed he was in his early twenties at least. It turned out he was 19, but that didn't bother me because I already knew he was off the table since he had a girlfriend and I was content to just crush from afar. But we had tons in common! If he'd been single and interested in me, I wouldn't have felt bad about pursuing a relationship. (He had a leg up on me in the life experience department anyway--I was still living with and dependent on my parents and he had an apartment of his own and a really good job.)

It's just really funny to think about how if I was a celebrity and he'd been an actor peer of mine and we dated, people would be screaming about grooming because of the huge age difference of -checks notes- eight years between peers with a similar social circle.

Like, I promise you, two rich people in the same profession working on the same projects have far more in common with each other, despite any age difference they may have, than either of them would have with some random non-famous person off the street who is the exact same age.

And that's the thing: once you reach adulthood, maturity is at least as much about life experience as it is about numerical age. Someone who is twenty-five and still living at home who's never had to pay bills has less relevant life experience than someone who is nineteen and been living independently for two years because they got emancipated and had to learn to support themselves. The whole 'brain isn't fully developed until 25' thing is complete nonsense, because the fact is that brain development is just as unique to the individual as their overall lives are. (Also, the brain never stops developing!) Part of becoming an adult is learning to make adult choices and having to live with the consequences of those choices.

You can't get that life experience until you are an adult and society treats you like one! Sometimes, that life experience includes sexual or romantic decisions you probably shouldn't have made. These are learning experiences that can help you figure out what you're actually looking for later on when you are ready for more mature, longer-lasting relationships. And abuse can happen to anyone at any age! You can maybe make the claim that a huge age difference has the potential to be a red flag, but the existence of a power imbalance is not actually evidence of that power imbalance being abused. And sometimes, relationships are bad for one or both parties without abuse being involved. Sometimes, it's just part of growing the fuck up.

Anyway, my worst relationship experience was with a former friend of mine who was five years younger than me and turned out to be a manipulative asshole who used me for sex until I grew enough of a spine to put my foot down lol

God one of my least favorite arguments about age gap relationships being ‘bad’ I see over and over again is, “what would they have in COMMON anyway??” Wtf does that even mean are people really asking this seriously is it so fucking shocking that people want to have sex with someone they have nothing in common with? I want to shake these people that isn’t saying literally anything.

--

[loveafterthefact]

Love After the Fact Chapter 58: Sex Education Part 2

Keith gets stressed and frustrated by Thace's recommendations. Lance gains a better understanding of what his responsibilities are, and just how lucky he is.

First  Previous  Next

Lance enters the private exam room to find his spouse in a chair, wrapped up in a blanket, pants on the floor. Talk about alarming. Behind him, Krolia doesn’t seem to react at all, which is somehow worse and not better.

“What, the fuck, is going on in here?” Lance frowns, eyes narrowing at Thace. They’re a little puffy, and he knows they look a little red. He’d meant to fix his face before leaving Allura, but being summoned by Krolia to the medical ward rapidly shifted his priorities.

Which is definitely justified, given the scene before him. The footrests on that chair are ominous to say the least.

“Routine exam. Everyone gets one.” Keith holds out a hand, and Lance hands him his pants, thinking that's what he wanted. However, Keith looks almost wounded, though he accepts the pants and redresses. Realizing that he misunderstood, Lance kisses the top of his head, rubbing the base of one of his ears. Settling in a bit better, Keith pulls the blanket back over his lap.

“Sorry to pull you away from your sister,” Keith mutters, nosing against his side.

“Later.” Lance keeps a hand in Keith's hair as he sits on the arm of the chair.

“Yes, because it’s time for Thace to embarrass us together.” The young Galra huffs, blows his bangs out of his face.

“It is indeed, your Majesties. Royal Advisor Krolia-”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m going, I’m going.” The warrior woman leaves, though not before giving Lance a baleful look.

Once Krolia is gone, Thace pulls up a chair. “So here’s where we’re at right now. Keith is rapidly nearing sexual maturity. This is a scan of a healthy uterus, ovaries, and fallopian tubes from a young Galra roughly halfway between seasons-” Thace holds up a datapad. “And this-” He pulls up a scan on the monitor. “-is yours, Keith.”

They’re almost exactly the same to Lance. And surprisingly similar to an Altean’s. He never would have guessed, given how different they are on the outside.

Thace indicates the walls of Keith’s uterus. “This is your uterine lining. It’s much thicker than that of the example. Looking at this, I’d estimate your season will begin in about two movements, but you’ll likely be sexually receptive in about half that.

Now, for the complication. Despite not having mated, he is already bonding with you, your Majesty-”

“Lance. You can just call me Lance.”

Thace nods, continues. He ignores Keith’s smile. Lance does not, reaching around to brush a thumb down Keith’s far cheek, kissing the top of his head again. Maybe it's that touch of red quintessence in his cells, but Lance just knows Keith needs his affection right now. “What this means is that you will have a window of only a few days in which you should mate-”

“Wait, shouldn’t we mate during my season? I thought-”

“Ordinarily, yes.” Thace scrolls through his datapad, looking at the results of Keith’s blood tests. “Mating during your first season produces the strongest bond possible in our species. However, looking at your hormone levels, I advise you to do it either before or after. If you mate during your season, you're looking at something approaching dependent, possibly even parasitic in nature, which, as a medical professional, I cannot recommend.

“That brings us to our next point: I strongly recommend that you have sex before his season. Since you’re already bonding, Keith, it would be highly distressing, emotionally, for you not to have Lance with you during your season. Given the newness and precariousness of an unconsummated bond, it could be detrimental for your relationship for the two of you to be separated while you’re so vulnerable. Premature bonds are extremely delicate, and we must proceed with caution.”

“So- So when exactly should we…” Keith tucks his knees up tight against his chest, still uncomfortable, both from the earlier invasion of his privacy and the conversation.

“Whenever you feel ready. This is an act that needs to be entirely voluntary, regardless of your feelings for one another. The ramifications otherwise are traumatic. The combination of devotion and fear can-”

Lance steps in. His hand slips to Keith’s back where he’s stiffened in the chair. “That’s not going to happen. I would never be careless enough to hurt Keith, and Keith is smart enough to know what he’s ready for.”

Not at all appeased, Keith scowls at his friend. “So what you’re telling me is that I have to mate with Lance within a specific movement, but we also can’t force it, because that would be bad. But if I’m not ready, we can’t mate during my season because that would be bad, and we can’t be apart during my season because that would also be bad.”

“That’s… Unfortunately, yes. That’s where we’re at right now.”

“Wonderful. I’m leaving now.”

“Okay.” Thace lets him go. “I’ll send you copies of your bloods and scans. You should take a look at my notes.”

Just like that, Keith stalks out of the exam room, taking the blanket with him.

Lance goes to follow, but Thace stops him. “I’d like to speak to you alone, Lance.”

A pair of garnet eyes stare into his, one part sad, one part cautious. Nodding, Lance kisses Keith’s cheek. “Can you wait for me outside for a few minutes?”

“Whatever.” Ouch. If Keith’s like that, he definitely needs a good, solid hug.

Once Keith is gone, Thace’s smile fades. “Before I begin, I want to say I know it’s not your fault.”

“Okay…” Lance sits in Keith’s chair.

“Keith is my friend. He’s like a kit to everyone here, and it's wonderful to see how he’s grown into himself in the last few decaphoebs, and especially since leaving Daibazaal, but the truth is… He was alone for eleven decaphoebs. Do you know what happens to kits when they’re alone that long?”

Lance shakes his head, not willing to speak. This is going to be even less pleasant than the last conversation.

“They go feral, and become like wild animals. Their quality of life is virtually nonexistent. Rehabilitation is rare, and never perfect. My mate has met kits like this over the course of his service and- The choices that sometimes have to be made are neither pleasant, nor easy.”

“Oh.” Lance gulps. It’s been a while since he’d thought about a life without Keith in it. The idea that it could so easily have been reality, and in such a horrible way, hurts.

“We are so extremely lucky that he is able to be here with us.” Thace waits for Lance’s nod before continuing. His voice is the only thing that cuts through the stillness inspired by the conversation. “But there are complications that come from his upbringing. Something traumatic and terrible happened to him when he was very young, and something undeniably cruel was perpetrated after, when he was forcibly turned over to you. These hardships mean-”

“He’ll never quite grow up. I know.”

“He’ll retain vestigial behaviors, yes.” There’s a deep sadness on Thace’s face. Lance imagines he’ll understand it better once he has children of his own. “He’ll need company, emotionally fulfilling companionship, all his life. He’s not like a normal Galra that can be without others and be content.”

“He can spend time by himself-”

“When was that? When he first arrived and was scared and alone? Any kit would huddle into corners in that situation.” Thace’s words have an edge to them, one that has Lance shrinking in his seat. The medic sighs, gently touches Lance's hand. There's an understanding in his dark red eyes, the compassion of someone whose purpose in life is to help and heal.

“I understand that it wasn’t your choice, but it is what it is. As his mate, you have a duty to care for him and love him all the days of his life. His needs are very different from yours, and it’s your responsibility to make sure those needs are met.”

“I understand. I'll make sure that he has friends and a purpose, and I'll learn how to be the best mate I can be... On that note, I should probably get back to him.”

“Yes. One last thing.” Thace stands. “You should talk to him about having kits this season. It’s an important milestone within our society, and for you, it will go a long way toward earning the people’s respect. And, honestly? He’s healthy enough to go for it. Talk it over and decide for certain, now that we know he’s well enough. Make a decision together, and we’ll proceed however you both see fit.”

Lance nods, leaves Thace to clean up. Out in the main room, Keith’s standing quietly, waiting for him. “Hey. I, uh. I'm sorry for throwing a fit in there.”

Lance wraps his spouse in his arms, lets Keith melt against his frame. Judging by the Galra’s tight grip and the purr thrumming in his throat, Lance’s presence was sorely missed, despite the grumpy attitude only minutes ago. “Nevermind. Cranky or not, I’m glad you’re with us, beloved.”

“Yeah. Me too.” Keith sighs, lashes fluttering against Lance’s neck. He’s gotten taller, Lance realizes. They’re about the same height now.

“It seems we’ve got some things to talk about,” he whispers, kissing Keith’s ear when it twitches by his cheek.

“Later. Please?”

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah. It was just invasive, that’s all. It was important to do.”

“As long as you’re okay. I have some stuff I’m not quite ready to talk about, too. For now, let’s just get some lunch and-”

“I want to go home,” Keith says, sudden and decided. “My childhood home.”

“Yes. Of course. I’d love to see your home.” Lance draws back, but keeps an arm around his spouse, leading them through halls, back out into free air. “Do you want to go right now or…?”

“No, no. Just… before we leave. For now I want to go back and find a sunny spot to nap in, then I think I'll go visit Shiro and my mother.”

“You really missed them, huh?”

“Yeah… I missed you, earlier. I woke up and didn’t know where you were.”

“Sorry. I did wake you before I left to tell you I was leaving, but I guess you forgot when you fell back asleep.”

“Seems I did. Is Allura okay?”

“...We’ll talk about it later. It’s… I need to make my peace with everything first. And I need to call Altea. It’s not- It’s not the worst thing that could happen, but it isn’t good, and it breaks my heart.”

“Is her kit okay?”

“Yes.” Lance finds a smile. “Her baby is fine. Allura is… mostly fine. Later, alright?” He bites his lip, thinking of his sister and the tragedy she’s enduring. The tragedy that Keith’s endured. “Let’s just go back to the den and cuddle up with BleepBloop. I really want to hold you right now.”

“Well, I’m not gonna complain, but you’re worrying me.” Keith keeps a tight grip on his hand, unwilling to let him go for even a moment. "Are we okay?"

“We are more than okay, beloved. I just don’t know how long I’ll have you, and I need to treasure you while you’re here.”

"Now I’m really worried.” Keith sighs. “But I need to treasure you while you’re here, too. I love you, Lance.”

“I love you too, Keith. Now and forever.”

“Now and forever.”

There's a bit of anxiety buzzing in Lance's veins. There are choices that need to be made, ones that might not be easy for either of them, ones that might even be painful. Still, he has Keith, and no matter what paths they have to follow, they'll walk them together, side-by-side.

[raeseddon]

Why Being The Parent of a Disabled Child isn’t an Identity: A Discussion

( Trigger warning for mention of abusive relationships )

A note to all the parents of disabled or neurodivergent kids, from an Adult disabled child.

For the sake of you, your child, and your relationship with that child: Having a disabled child is not an identity.

[[readmore]]

I know it can feel like it, because it's all media and society focuses on when they see you out and about with your child. Pretty much all protrayals of parents in media who find out they have a disabled child cease to be people-- they are henceforth Parents of a Child With [Insert Disability/Neurodivergence Here.] And it's deceptive because at first, finding supoprt communities of other parents with the same problems feels like Mana From Heaven. But please, watch how other parents in your support communities change as their children grow, especially when the disability/neurodivergence is managed to a point where the child can join "normal" society. If you see a parent panicking, or freaking out in a way that seems over the top, (especially when reports of how the kid is doing are positive) be careful. You might be watching the beginning spiral of a parent who no longer knows how to be anything but a caregiver. And that parent needs help.

Also, if you start to feel the urge to panic, or worry, or start inventing senarios were you are back to being a carer after your Adult disabled child leaves the proverbial roost, find someone, preferably a professional, to speak to. Because the alternative is that you become someone who infantilzes your Adult disabled child in order to hold on to a piece of your identity that--in a perfect world-- would never have rooted itself in you the way it has.

I should say something about my own experiences just so you don't think I'm talking out of my ass-- at six or eight months old my parents noticed I was only reaching for things with one arm. They took me to a neurologist who diagnosed me right-hemipsheratic cerebral palsy. As soon as I was old enough, I was in physical therapy. At five years old, I had my first ever seizure, at which point I was diagnosed with epilepsy, which has a high co-morbidity rate with CP. I came from a pretty traditional middle class (back when there really was a middle class) family where my father worked full time and my mom worked seasonally as a tax-preparer. My mom was the one who took up the bulk of the responsibility as carer, making sure I got to OT/PT, speech therapy, the works. I had no idea how much of her personal identity she put into her role as carer until the marriage disolved and her various issues lead to me spending more and more time with dad, intitially as a survival strategy (emotionally/mentally speaking) and then because I enjoyed his company, even if it meant getting to know him as a person at an age where most kids rely on dads for driving lessons and other... dad stuff. It wasn't always easy, but again, it was a survival strategy first and foremost.

It became apparent very quickly that not only did mom think I was "picking sides" but that she was furious with me because I didn't understand all of her (very real and unfortunatelt necessary) personal sacrifices so that I had the physical quality of life that I did. I was too young and hormonal at the time to realize that she A) should have never have had to make those sacrifices, and B) the blow they dealt to her personal identity would leave lasting and horrific scars on both of us.

Because when society looks at a parent of a child with disabilities, and a disabled child, they don't see two distinct people: they see a Walking Disability, and a Selfless Marytr, who willingly gave up every part of themselves to give that Walking Disability a "chance" at a "normal life."

I've known and talked to a ton of disabled adults and their parents over the years, and there are a few things that run like a universal thread throughout:

Just because a truly loving parent would choose a million times to give their entire life and identity up to care for the child, doesn't mean they want to, or should have to. If I could go back in time and provide my mother with a way to take some of the burden off of herself so that she could continue to grow along with me as a person, I would. Whether it would mean making it so that dad didn't have to work as much so that they could actually split the emotional and physical load, or some other way, I'd do it in a heartbeat. We, as a society need to stop looking at parents who are forced to subvert everything about themselves: their interests, their hobbies, their education, and their growth as a person, so that their disabled children have a fair shot, as aspirational. Parents are people, and they deserve the social support to continue being people, despite also having disabled children.

The inability of parents and carers to divorce themselves from their roles as carers damages the child's self esteem and overall ability to imagine a future of even limited independence. Speaking from both personal experience and having a disabled and neurodivergent friend group who have all admited to similar experiences. I was able to move away from living with my mom at nineteen, almost right after I graduated high school, to living with dad who was much more willing to encourage any form of independence he could. The encouragement wasn't always realistic in some ways, but when it worked, it worked, and I clung to that independence literally as long as a physically could.

If a marriage was rocky or straight up unhealthy before the birth of the disabled child 'staying together for the kid(s)' always makes things worse. There are the one in a few billion times when having the child actually forced the parents to work their shit out, but most of the time, it's a recipie for decades of misery and emotional (and physical) trauma for everyone involved. This is especially true if a degree of independence is acheived by the child that means they can live away from home. Once the child is gone, everything about the marriage/relationship that didn't work comes rushing back--and unfortunately, by then, the parents are so used to being miserable together, that being miserable apart is even more terrifying. As someone who came to realize as an adult that long before my parents divorced, the cracks were there and there were "near misses" it makes me wish they'd divorced when I was much younger. Of course, the reality is that parents who have disabled children are more likely to stay in unhappy at least or absusive at worst relationships because without shared income, caring for the disabled child would be impossible. It's a no-win situation.

Finally, circling back to my first point: Even when abuse isn't present and the marriage is healthy, the most well meaning parent may find themselves infantilizing their Adult child because once that child is gone, they will have lost a major pillar of their identity. There are times this comes close to feeling like a universal experience, it's so common. "Cutting the apron strings" can be scary even when both parents know its for the best, but the problems usually start with making harmless comments about how they'll "always be there" for the child, and if left unchecked the comments could become passive aggressive, and finally downright attempts to guilt the Adult child into staying.

This is why it's so, so important to observe your own behavior, as well as the behavior of other parents in support communities, and keep an eye on the ones who try to inject anxiety into the experiences and milestones that edge your Adult child towards the best degree of independence they can acheive. A lot of the time it'll lead with "Well aren't you worried that [insert bad experience here] will happen?" Which is why it's vital to be able to tell when an anxiety is your own or when it's someone elses. A good way to do this is to just have regular, open communication with your kid. Express your worries, talk them out, and allow your kid to make assurances, even if it's in the form of "I have a friend group/support network that I can go to before I will need to go back to you with a problem." Make it clear in the support communities that these communications are happening with your kid, and if people still try to drag you into worrying that whatever reassurances that have been given "won't be enough"... flag that person as someone who is probably having a problem with the idea of their kid acheiving independence. Every parent starts at a different place when it comes to the idea of a disabled or neurodivergent kid acheiving some form of independence, but there are ways to avoid almost all of the major issues that end up poisoning the relationships between parents and their adult disabled kids.

[smileymoth]

Hatari: Visualising the end of the world may be a healing process.

by Jaane Tomps. Published 19th September 2019 on Müürileht.

Anti-capitalistic performance art group Hatari has often turned their communication with media into a joke, but according to the founder of the group, Matthías Haraldsson, this conversation includes 0% humour.

[So here it is. I tried to translate it as correctly and as true to the base text as I could. If there are any grammatical errors or weird phrasings; my apologies, English isn't my first language. :] The interview has been translated from Estonian to English and because Tumblr hates everyone, links don’t show up in the tags, aka I can’t link the original. 

Interview is under the cut!]

Hatari, who represented Iceland this year during Eurovision have certainly been one of the more controversial participants this year, yet they haven't finished with Europe. Haraldsson, who caused a lot of politic-trouble when waving around the Palestinian flags in Israel, said that destroying capitalism is going according to plan ─ they just can't lose hope now!

How far are you with the plan to destroy capitalism?

"Everything's going according to plan. We just destroyed some capitalists in the Netherlands and soon, of course Estonia, and other northern countries, will be waiting for us. We're doing well, but next year we will try turn up the tempo a lot more. We are hoping to give out an album soon and as you probably already know, we're heading for a bigger European tour. Due to Klemens just turning into a father for the second time, we can't be as efficient as we'd like; we have to learn how to fuse destroying capitalism with our own family lives. "

The situation in the world is pretty bad, has it made reaching your goals harder?

It really has, indeed. The climate collapse is one of the bigger ordeals, with which humanity has had to deal with and I think that the governments should be more active in those fields. We can't always put all the pressure on individuals, even if they can do a lot by themselves. The situation isn't to be praised right now, but we stay hopeful and trustful to our plan.

Do you enjoy the attention you received after the Eurovision song contest or would you rather leave it all behind?

To be honest, I would love to hire a duplicate of myself for concerts and tours, so I could write more. But no, the adventure and the leap we have taken, has been partially because of Eurovision, which gave us more attention. I wouldn't like to take it all back, but it is a lot of hard work and responsibility.

Has the local music scene started to treat you any differently after Eurovision?

I think so, yes, but at the same time, we have never fit into the places we've been invited to play at. We stepped up at a festival in the Netherlands and among the metal and hardcore artists stood us, that band from Eurovision. During other events, however, are we the hardcore band. We have learned to adapt. Eurovision introduced us firsthand to a lot of people and understandably, it has changed our image.

What's the story with your anger in actuality? I dare to believe that your stage-persona isn't reality...

For sure, my stage-persona is an outlet through which I meditate and manifest the anger with, which I would usually keep inside me. I usually manage to find great balance and I don't get angry a lot in my private life. I prefer to keep my emotions repressed inside me rather than speak or show them.

Which human values are overrated in your opinion?

We live in a very individualistic society. I'd say that ambitions connected with oneself, aka a person's immature ego, are overrated. I despise petty people who can't see things from an another perspective.

What is your depiction of the most fulfilling happiness?

Happiness is to be accepted and to accept others. To feel safe in a creative and an encouraging atmosphere ─  that the concepts would be respected and that it would celebrate differences. And overall,  destroy capitalism in a family friendly atmosphere.

One local schoolgirl said in a video, which recently went viral, that "The world is an empty and a useless place and people should go extinct, because climate change along with every single politician sucks." Do you agree?

Yes. That concludes it perfectly. At least that's what we try to depict. Being in denial about problems doesn't do us good, but I believe that even in the most empty places, where there are the worst politicians, it is possible to find something, about which to be hopeful about. I believe that after crashing to the bottom we can only move upward, but while being hopeful we shouldn't forget to be realistic.

What do you think the end of the world is going to be like?

I'd prefer that the world didn't end. However,  I do think that just visualising it can be a healing process and we should all do it.

Is Hatari's long-awaited album the end of the beginning of something?

It is both. I believe, that every end is the start of something new and the album has undoubtedly been a milestone for the creation that circles around Hatari. At the same time, it is also a big relief to get it off our shoulders, because after releasing that, we can focus our attention on something new. Those things always take time. We have been planning to release the album for months now, but we want to do it when we feel that it is completely ready. But it will come one day.

What's the overall conception of the album?

In the centre of its attention is corruption and the confrontation of it. Power and powerlessness. Individuality versus collective thinking. Hopefulness and hope.  Domination and surrendering. It will bring the listener to think about death, the world, and the end of all humanity as we know of it now. It will bring people to discover their deepest fears and anguish and hopefully inspire them to dream of a better future.

How do you understand that an idea is fully complete?

You don't, actually. You could work on it forever. But at a certain point you have to say, that that's the story and if we worked on it for more, it would sound differently, but it's good even in its current shape. The end result is, sometimes, also in the hands of others, because I work on the lyrics and vocals. Klemens and Einar are the ones defining the tracks.

I liked one of the interviews, where you brought up Britney Spears as one of the inspiration sources for Hatari. In which ways does she inspire you exactly?

She's a great artist and an icon of her generation. Her lyrics overcome the word-for-word understanding of a text; it's a greater level of consciousness, where we and art are the same. And her music is also very catchy.

You'll soon be performing in Narva. How much research do you do before stepping to the stage? Are you aware of the situation in Estonia right now?

Actually, my art school teacher is from Estonia. We often discuss about the current situation and usually the locals are worried about horrifyingly similar things as everyone else. They worry about the populist rhetoric and conservative and nationalist rulers, who don't take problems with the current climate seriously. I've heard, that in Estonia's government there are climate change deniers, which is an extremely serious and a worrisome topic.

You haven't visited Estonia before, right?

I've been to Tallinn once. I sang in the choir during high school. We performed in a beautiful church. It was very cold. The old town was very beautiful and I remember the guide, who had impressive knowledge of the middle ages. I remember as well, that singing in the choir wasn't exactly my thing. My high school friends were in a jovial mood and sang Icelandic national songs disgustingly loud, while I was googling Arvo Pärt in my hotel room.

I take that you're a fan of Arvo Pärt then?

Yes, he's probably one of my most favourite composers. It would be incredible to do something together with him. We have done a collaboration with one Icelandic composer and during that time, during a concert in Reykjavík, we included him within the choir. Maybe, if I sent some texts to Arvo Pärt... We would be honoured, if he created something with us for the choir or perhaps something abstract ─  it doesn't have to be lyrical, it's his own free will. If Arvo Pärt wants to contact us, then he can always write to us on the address capitalism@hatari.is. No matter which type of a collaboration he'd wish for ─ we are very open to ideas!

[jkl-fff]

Scooby-Doo "Gritty" Reboot Idea (part 2)

“Gritty” because it’d acknowledge some dark realities  (like physical and emotional abuse especially of children,  drugs and drug addiction, sex work, violence and death)  and would deal with some darker lore. But all while still having goofy  and slapstick overtones (a la Season 2 of “Gravity Falls”).

General Plot (with some Lore)

For Season One, they get caught up in investigating  some local paranormal reports (maybe Daphne’s home to begin  with a la Northwest Mansion Noire? she asks Velma for her expertise,  who asks Fred for his help and muscle, who needs to borrow Scooby– for reasons … cat-themed ghost?—who Shaggy reluctantly brings)  that all appear to be connected.  This causes them to start working together *and* to start hanging out,  becoming friends … while also dealing with teenage angst  and high school drama.  Not every reported event is a scam or a sham;  some is actually caused by genuine supernatural/occult events.  And most of what is supernatural is caused by two spirits  in confrontation with each other, both trying to find “the Blaze”.

It’s eventually discovered Shaggy’s parents didn’t die in an accident;  they were collateral damage in an attack by an Old God  that was trying to destroy the Blaze. The Blaze, however, hid itself  by fusing with 12-year-old Shaggy’s soul … which kept him/them alive  through the attack and *could* grant him the Blaze’s great powers  (one of the manifestations of that is how he is a Medium  capable of seeing and communicating with spirits at all times,  not just when they manifest; another of which is his therapy art,  which turns out is Seer/Prophetic showing past, present, or future).  But this also means Shaggy has a powerful enemy in the spirit world  he hasn’t even known about.  Also, some of what he suffers psychologically isn’t just his trauma,  but the Blaze’s own memories/emotions.

The spirits who cause all the Season One trouble are respectively  a servant of the Old God … and one connected to the Blaze  (a friend? an ally? a servant? a servant of a friend/ally?). They had both managed to track the Blaze/Shaggy to that town  after years and years of searching.  The second ultimately fuses with Scooby to protect Shaggy/the Blaze.  As a result, Scooby can now speak *and* has some of his own  supernatural abilities. Also some memories and warnings— knowledge—to impart … but it all gets muddled in Scooby’s mind,  so he can’t make much sense of it anymore. But at least  he’s still unquestioningly loyal to Shaggy … Or is he?

Season Two follows them after leaving town to keep  Shaggy and Scooby safe (gotta keep moving to avoid the Old God  and their minions), ostensibly for a summer road trip to celebrate  graduating from high school. This has them following reports  of paranormal activity across North American in search of answers …  and because it’s fun; they just really like solving these mysteries together.

Part of the group’s overall journey is seeking answers  to who Shaggy’s and Scooby’s spirits really are, who the Old God really is,  and how they can defeat it so as to protect their friends  (also, eventually, having to stop an apocalypse … as one does).  Another part of it is a found family narrative, with them all  mutually falling in love with each other in one, big polyamorous quartet  (with a talking pet dog), realizing they can make their own happiness  and don’t need people who can’t appreciate them.

Some Character Arcs:

At some point in Season One, Fred’s father finds out about him  “dressing like a girl and doing other gross, fag shit”, and disowns him.  This makes Fred technically homeless for a bit, living out of his van,  but his friends (and especially Shaggy’s aunts) give him a safe place  to stay while he finishes his last year of high school. Fred will,  after that, grapple with simultaneous rage at his father  (never wanting to see him again, never wanting to forgive him)  *and* a longing for things to go back to the way they were  (because he still loves and misses his father).  Very complicated, bitter feelings …  He’ll eventually decide that, maybe in the future he might reach out,  but for now he doesn’t owe his father shit, this is all his father’s fault,  and he doesn’t need him because he’s got his friends.

Throughout the whole series, Shaggy is grappling with the question  of who he really is now: Shaggy, the Blaze, both, neither?  Is he still human? Is he a monster? Some sort of demi-god?  Also, his relationship with Scooby has fundamentally changed,  and they have to renegotiate that now that Scooby is, likewise,  more than just a dog. For the record, though, Scooby is very much having a similar difficulty.  How does he move forward knowing that both aspects of his identity  (Scooby and the spirit) have been irreparably transformed  by blending together as they have? How does he be himself when there isn’t a pure self anymore?

At some point in Season Two, Daphne has a crisis of christian faith  after experiencing a lot of stuff that blatantly contradicts  what she’s been taught in Sunday School and by her parents.  It never fully gets resolved, but she grows thanks to realizing that  she doesn’t have all the answers, that society and morality are constructs  but her newer definitions of Good are still worth fighting for. In Season Three, her parents will threaten to pull her allowance  if she doesn’t come home and be a well-behaved girl,  but she’ll call their bluff by threatening to reveal a lot of the family’s  dirty secrets if they do. Standing up for herself and her friends  and keeping the income flowing through a little extortion (yay!).  Although after that, they’ll look to make Mystery Inc. more of  a self-sustaining business (just in case), which will be a major milestone.

At some point in Season Two, Velma’s need for approval  from authority figures will nearly lead to her being taken advantage of  in a bad way (sexual?). However, she’ll escape (in part on her own skills— cleverness and brujeria—in part by getting help from her friends),  learning that she isn’t as helpless as she’s sometimes felt,  that she can indeed take care of herself …  But also learning that getting help from the people who care about her  doesn’t mean she’s helpless (communal living means  giving what she can give to others *AND* receiving what she needs from others, too– different but equally valuable contributions); plus, it’s just a smart strategy.  Also she learns the opinions of some people are just plain worthless.  In Season Three, her research into brujeria will probably start getting her  into trouble as she begins to put too much trust in both academic sources  and patron spirits (kinda the same issue appearing in a different form,  really, which will make her feel like an idiot for a bit). From that, though,  she’ll learn to think critically not just about authority figures (people),  but also about “authoritative” sources of information (made by people).

Some Character Dynamics:

Fred and Daphne bond over burgeoning identities of genderfluidity,  with her helping him to develop a flashier appearance in general  (including helping him try drag a couple times) and him helping her  to learn some of those combat sports she’s always wanted to try.  They also bond over how much it sucked to have domineering parents  who loved the idea of a perfect child more than their actual child.  Both learn together to be more open emotionally, more confident in  who they really are (not defined by their parents’ expectations for them).

Velma and Shaggy bond over being closet geeks for Pokémon  and other similar stuff like Sci-Fi movie series  (which, with typical teenage cynicism, is regarded as cringey  by most of their peers); turns out, they both secretly write fanfic,  and can beta read for each other. They also bond over being nerds  who finally have someone to whom they can infodump  about their interests, someone who actually listens patiently without  making them feel self-conscious and weird—without triggering anxiety. Both learn together to be more confident in who they really are, too, and to care less about what others think of them.

Shaggy and Daphne bond over terrible puns and dank memes.  They are both just the worst when it comes to those. Besides,  they both find them to be surprisingly effective ways of expressing  their complex emotions, be they positive or negative.  It also helps both of them to be more emotionally open  (a thing they all learn together, frankly).

Fred and Shaggy bond over what it’s like to miss a parent (Fred’s mom, Shaggy’s parents) and how hard it is to put into words.  Sorrow and melancholy because they’re gone,  anger and resentment because they left them behind,  guilt because of these other feelings … also guilt that it somehow should’ve been them— that those left behind (Fred’s dad, Shaggy’s aunt) somehow blame them.  This lets Fred learn that showing emotions isn’t “weak”  while teaching Shaggy that he’s not alone in how he feels.

Daphne and Velma bond over interests in history (also frustrations  at how whitewashed and man-washed the narratives of it have been).  Turns out, they’re absolute nerds for various points/periods of  World history in general and North American history specifically  (all of which will turn out to be relevant to individual episodes),  and they can collaborate about how those points connect and influence each other and their cases.

Velma and Fred bond over being working class and poor,  and how weird it is to suddenly have two people who are pretty wealthy  (for all intents and purposes) taking care of their financial needs.  It feels like a relief, on the one hand, but also makes them feel insecure  on the other. Like they don’t deserve it and are being a burden,  like they need to find ways to pay the others back  so as to square the debt and remain “independent”.  Together, they learn, however, that worth isn’t determined by money— they learn that it’s okay to let someone else take care of bills  (during this whole communal living thing) and that they contribute in different but equally worthwhile ways (communal living, again) …  Yet also how to communicate this tricky issue (and how it relates,  rightly or wrongly, to their self-esteem) amongst all four of them.

Fred learns a lot about women and PofC issues and grows from it.  At first, he’s disbelieving and defensive (“not all men” sorta guy),  but he learns to listen and ask respectful questions (“I don’t understand. Don’t all lives matter? So why’s the movement just *Black* lives matter?”), to think about what he’s learned (“Privilege means … there’s something  that doesn’t make my social life difficult, but does for others.  Like skin color, no one treats me bad for mine but they do to PofC.  Or like class, Daphne doesn’t have to worry about money, but I do. Right?”), and to integrate it into his own behavior  (“Wait, am I mansplaining? Sorry, I’ll stop.”). He’s kinda innocently naïf and ignorant about these,  but learns and become more sensitive.

Same for Daphne vis-à-vis socio-economic class and religion. She takes money for granted, thus doesn’t understand  why it’s such an obstacle or a motivator for most people  (“It’s only $50, what’s the big deal?” or “Why not simply buy the land?  Why go to all this trouble to scare people away?”).  And much of her life was Jesus-this and Jesus-that,  so she’s never really understood that other religions and philosophies  are actually a real thing until being with the others (Shaggy is Buddhist,  Fred is atheist, and Velma’s grandmother did folk brujeria  while her father is Jewish). 

They all learn a lot about queer issues and identities in general  (especially from Shaggy), which allows them to develop their own  in a healthy way (Fred and Daphne as genderfluid and bi/pan,  Velma and Shaggy as demi and bi/pan … all of them as poly).  With a bunch of kinks and fetishes along the way, maybe.

Shaggy learns a lot about the supernatural. He was *never* interested  in the subject (in fact, he always kinda hated it because it terrified him … perhaps instinctively because the Blaze was within him),  but the others were fascinated by it. So exposition on these matters  is made to him for the audience’s sake.

[gosetmind]

Discover Your Potential [WHAT is and HOW to]

If you can discover your potential, success will come to your doorstep. Today, let's take a look at the not-so-hidden secrets that will help you build your own successful empire!

Whether you're applying to college, choosing a career path, or going through a mid-life crisis, the big question is, "What can you do?" "You know, the world may have given you unrealistic expectations from the start, so much so that it prevents you from understanding your potential.

We are all told that there are hidden talents deep in our souls that will one day become our desirable place. But often, you're just wasting your time looking for your talents, rather than focusing on developing your potential.

What is personal potential?

Before you discover your potential, you first need to know what personal potential really means. There's a good chance you'll have a misdefination in your head, but it's not your fault, because most of us think so.

People often tell you that you are born with personal potential. In other words, your real potential should be an activity that you can achieve with minimal effort. From this point of view, you may always be looking for hobbies that you think you are good at. Always looking for this unknown gift of nature.

What you don't know is that your personal potential is more about your mental strength than your so-called talent. It's anything you want to be. So even if people say your fashion sense is bad all your life, you can still be a successful fashionista.

What you need is willpower. With courage and firm life goals, you can realize any personal potential you want.

  Potential and talent are not the type you need to wait for. They are qualities that you build upon yourself through hard work and smart work. There is no magic that inspires your inner potential other than your own will.

However, this does not mean that you have to blindly follow in the footsteps of another successful person. Yes, some suggestions are always good, but your potential and path to it may be completely different.

The key is to try to understand your potential, not to force yourself to do something just because someone you know has succeeded.

How to discover your potential

Personal potential depends entirely on hard work and strategy. The following six recommendations will guide you in finding motivation and using it effectively.

1. Recognize your inner voice

The first step to success is to listen to yourself. Remember, here you're not looking for your potential, you're just figuring out the life you really want.

Your true potential should be the purpose of your work. Therefore, it is best to work for what you desire so that you can enjoy the process in personal development.

Think about what you like or want to be good at. For example, do you aspire to be an artist? Even if you've never performed on stage, do you want to be an actor?

Make a list of what you want, and then realistically narrow it down. When you do this, it's important to remember your inner voice. Don't pursue things that might improve your image in society and give you a lot of money. Remember: Your self-satisfaction should be the most important.

Again, it's possible that you're good at something, but you don't like to do it. For example, people around you like your voice very much, they are always ready to listen to you sing. However, despite the appreciation, you may also hate it. Things like this should also be recorded so that you can recall that you want to stay away from them.

2. Conscious efforts

Once you've planned a suitable final destination, it's time to work hard.

As I said before, I repeat now that your personal potential will not enter your life like a waltz. You must work hard to get it.

Understanding your potential requires consciously moving in the right direction. It doesn't happen on a random day; you have to work hard to find the answer.

Now you can start experimenting. You know you want to own a law firm or your own restaurant. But these are two very different career choices, so take a small step in one direction and see if you're willing to put in your energy and time.

For example, since you can't decide whether to be a cook or a lawyer, try the former first. However, after six months of sustained effort, you can't cook good food. When you let your friends taste it, they don't give you positive feedback. Although you follow the same recipe every time, your dishes are different every time you eat them.Sample.

You've been working in this line for six months, trying to cook a decent meal every time, but there's no sign of improvement. Of course, you need to see this as a sign that cooking is probably not for you.

Then you can work towards your other options. Discuss situations with experienced lawyers, find internships, do some research online to see if you have the conditions you need to build a successful law firm.

3. Define your goals

SMART goals play an important role in your life purpose, especially when you want to accomplish something.

Clear goals can help you understand your potential.

  At this point, you've decided which route to take. The time has come to take systematic measures.

Assuming you know SMART goals and how to design them, you'll need to add some additional steps to the process.

For each goal, define your intent. Please write down what you think your goal is and the reasons behind it. For example, you may attend an SEO course to increase your fan base so that you can fulfill your passion for running a world-renowned blog one day.

Next, write down the value. What does this special seminar do for you that you can't get from other similar sources? In the example above, the workshop may have been facilitated by someone you've been inspired by, or mainly for the niche market you like.

Finally, consider the cost. Whatever you've done to achieve value and achieve your goals, take it out at this point. You shouldn't lose money, you have to get at least the same amount of money by implementing what you've learned, especially if you've spent some money on a seminar.

4. Set milestones

One of the mistakes many people make to understand their potential is that they aim at the stars from the start. They put their mind to the bigger blueprint and went straight to it.

It's not your way of success. As mentioned above, this is your first step to your destination. Yes, it may extend the time frame for the entire journey, but it also increases the chances of getting real results with minimal barriers.

When you set milestones, try to break down the long-term process into smaller parts. So if you're passionate about developing an advertising ad ad company, don't just focus on the end result.

So for your first milestone, you can attend a media advertising training school where you can learn all the basics of advertising. After that, you can work for an organization and familiarize yourself with their processes. Then, contact a local video cameraman to advertise a relative's business.

Step by step, you pave the way for your big goals. You can work on weekly or monthly milestones so that you can continue to contribute to the big picture as you allocate your workload.

5. Accept the failure

Remember, you're just getting started. Even if that's your passion, you can't be perfect right away.

Failure and inconvenience are part of every success story. It's normal to have some unexpected problems here or there. Don't let them hit your motivation.

Failure doesn't mean you have to change your life. It just means you've learned more, and it's ultimately going to help you push your limits.

6. Celebrate your success

It's also important to be grateful to yourself. It will keep you in high spirits in the middle of a minor accident.

The secret is to celebrate small successes. Every time you reach a milestone, pat yourself on the back.

Document your small achievements so that you can remember them every time you feel depressed and need encouragement.

Summary

It's not hard to understand your potential and release your inner voice. This requires strong willpower, patience, and a small step in the right direction.

Unfortunately, the fast-paced world makes life so complicated that simple things, such as knowing your potential, seem almost impossible. If you're strong enough to simplify things in this chaotic world, you're on your way to success!

[dxmedstudent]

Do you think it's hum a nature to need to attach ourselves to people, and if that need is not met, we seek to attach ourselves to other things e.g. material possessions?

That’s an unusual question. And given that I have zero qualifications in any relevant field, you’ll have to take this as purely personal conjecture. I believe that people evolved to live in groups, and that for many, if not all of us, a certain level of human interaction makes us feel fulfilled and connected. That’s not to say we all need to go clubbing every day, but that living completely isolated would probably make anyone (even the introverts, even people who don’t generally like people) miserable, sooner or later. Loneliness is a real and persistent problem affecting society, particularly amongst the elderly because they are more likely to live in poverty and with disabilities, and because many of their friends and families are either deceased or inaccessible to them. I can tell you from personal experience that it has a huge impact on their lives.  Even if you don’t literally believe that loneliness is a bigger killer than obesity*, if you’ve ever felt isolated you can attest that it’s not a happy and fulfilling state. Though given that appears to be a meta analysis, you probably should believe it to be true. As to materialism, I’m not a philosopher, nor an economist, nor a social commentator; I just try to make people feel a little better. I suspect that we do many things (like, say, anesthetise our emotions with substances, or latch on to posessions) to fill other needs that aren’t met; it seems reasonable that if we crave something, but can’t get it and feel deeply unhappy, we might self-medicate with something else. Buying new things often makes us feel happy for a short while. It fills our life with things, so we have a feeling that we’ve earned something. It taps into what might be a need to collect, to provide for ourselves and to feather our nests. And perhaps an innate eclectic desire to collect; I’m no evolutionary psychologist but that seams reasonable enough. It gives us something to show for our efforts, in a way that ‘numbers in the bank’ do not. Money in our bank account is abstract; it’s hard to imagine exactly how much we have, or are spending. Meanwhile, things are tangible and give you a sense of what you physically have. I can see why that appeals to people. What is materialism? A quick search defines it as “a tendency to consider material possessions and physical comfort as more important than spiritual values.”. I don’t think many people are out-and-out materialists; I think most people have an appreciation for things that are not things. For friends and for sunshine and cat pictures etc. But I do think that we’re under more pressure to consume than ever before. We make stuff faster, in greater quantities. And we are encouraged, pressured, even, to collect. To buy new things. And I don’t think we can just lay responsibility for this individually; we’ve formed economic systems that rely on consumption, so we have to encourage people to consume. And that’s definitely changing our behavior. We’re more likely to throw stuff away (because it’s often cheaper to buy something new than fix it! how silly is that?) and we’re not encouraged to mend things and carry on. Often, when we talk about materialism, we mean “yearning for expensive-celebrity endorsed designer gear”. And whilst that’s more likely to cause problems, I don’t think it differs ethically. I collect cheap dice (amongst other things…) and my friend has designer clothes; my habit is far cheaper, and stores in small spaces, but ultimately both are an expression of how humans derive enjoyment from collecting things. Ultimately, neither is more moral, though it can be argued that collecting expensive things tends to be more harmful to the individual because it locks away more of their money in a form that often depreciates in value or cannot be easily accessed. I certainly think there’s more pressure to consume luxury products because they’re more aggressively marketed towards us than ever before. I reallythink about how much we’re making just to throw it away, and how consumerism is damaging the environment. So much so that it even effects my decision as an artist; if I offer prints or merch, I’d prefer for it to be print-on-demand, or small runs, rather than anything on a larger scale, because I don’t want to bring more unwanted tat into the world. Unfortunately, that’salso the most expensive way to produce things. Making things in bulk is almost always cheaper per unit, which doesn’t incentivise us to cut waste at all. Arguably (speaking as a millennial) you could argue that, if we view today’s younger generation to be more materialist (though history kind of implies people always liked flashy stuff, we just have more ways to make flashy things than before), we should consider why people feel that investing in ’stuff’ is something they enjoy and choose to do. Arguably, we’re a lot less likely to be able to afford accommodation we’d like, or a car, and we’re not hitting the ‘adulthood’ milestones that our parents or grandparents took for granted. Moving out, going to university, cars, jobs, houses, kids; many of those things just aren’t flowing quite like they used to. If many of us can’t get a job that pays enough to afford somewhere stable to live, we’re likely to put off serious relationships or having kids til we feel more stable to do so. We’re more likely to stay on in further education, but that leaves us with much more debt, making our financial situaion more precarious. And a lot of graduates’ pay doesn’t reflect their higher level of learning, meaning it may even leave them worse off financially than if they’d never gone to university. There’s a lot written about the ‘gig economy’ and ‘zero hours contracts’, and whilst these don’t just affect young people, the overall climate is one of uncertainty. So, arguably, there’s a subconscious drive for people to control what little they can in their lives. If any reasonable calculation tells you a deposit for a flat is out of your reach, then why not eat out? Why not buy that thing that might make your flat less grim?  For many people, perhaps being able to buy whatever they want, makes them feel like a grown-up. Perhaps the things we buy help bolster our identity and help us feel part of a group; nobody wants tofeel like the poor one out of their peers; it’s an immensely embarrasing feeling, even though being poor is not something to be ashamed about. Although we say the best things in life are free, participating in society often means buying/consuming media and living a similar lifestyle to your peers.When my parents arrived in the UK, houses were still obviously expensive, but they might have been 1/8 of the price they are now. At least in London. Meanwhile, salaries and wages haven’t gone up anywhere near that amount. So my parents were lucky enough to work super hard, save money studiously, and afford somewhere to live. Meanwhile, I probably earn more than my dad did when he was raising a young family, and I honestly can’t see myself buying even a tiny flat in London unless I pull something wild like exclusively locum for a few years or marry a millionaire (and neither are likely to happen). Right now, I’m just aspiring to rent a place I actually enjoy living in. And I’m pretty lucky.Many people earn a lot less, have less support, and many things must feel even more out of reach for them. The difference between what we earn, and what it costs to do things many people used to take for granted, is significant. When you think about it like that, suddenly it makes more sense. I think there are a lot of reasons we might focus on material posessions, over things that are more personal and I suspect many of them are at least slightly sad. I don’t think there’s anything necessarily bad about enjoying ‘things’ in moderation; many of the things in our life are useful and decorative, and human nature tends to make us sentimental about inanimate objects. But I do feel that they can’t ultumately replace connection, and enjoyment of things which are more than just objects. I don’t know if loneliness is the thing that makes people buy more things. But I do know that there are many things that put pressureon,or make people unhappy, and that one of the ways people take pressure off is to buy things or self-medicate with other things that make them temporarily feel better, even if they aren’t the best idea.

[breakingsocietynow-blog]

A little of why me

With just one look, a laugh, a misstep or even an involuntary response one can tell if it is the case of dealing with an egocentric person, just triggered by another’s existence. These people care only in their well being and of those close to them; they find irrelevant taking others in consideration and even worse sacrificing something they consider important for the sake of others. In this self-revolved, self-centered, competitive world there is more than one of these creatures in every corner. If you are not one of them, you either ignore the fact that they exist, cope and live in a bubble in which you still live thinking of only you but at least you do not go crushing others to obtain your life’s goal or you devote yourself to achieving greatness while helping and teaming up with others. I opt for the last choice.

It may sound radical or extremist that these are the only categories there are, but this is quite a black and white matter. Some people are not theoretically selfish but in practice they are so why sugarcoat it. I truly believe I have the same value as everyone else, no difference in money, origin, age, religion or status would change this. Sadly not everyone thinks like me in this manner, but if they had lived my life or had some similar experiences they probably would too. Having this thinking pushes you to a life where inner peace is obtained as you are in tune with others and their own well being, for it is most pleasurable since it can be shared with others and that is the best treasure.

Today’s generation values most appearance and awe for material things, instead I wish to differ. I do not share my life milestones and I see how some confuse my lack of exhibitionism and of self-praise with lack of capability and achievements; but it is as simple as that I try to center my life and give importance to different things, and in a different manner. But maybe they do not think of this and I am being my own enemy by creating this fake problem that only exists in my head and has to be overseen. This may not be the real problem with society but there is one, and more.

The way I have looked at the world has changed as my eyes have. Experiences and lessons have molded me but it all traces done from my base and from where I started. I have been raised in an environment where we have had, we have lost and we have struggled. We have had times where everyone is in their own world and times when we are all in each other’s business. This dynamic life and continuous shifts has taught me to stay on my toes, do everything possible to thrive and how everything is easier with a little help. This attitude is one of the main reasons why I love helping, but also I like taking care of people and making it comfortable for them to rely on me thus is why I chose my future profession as a doctor.

From a very young age my desire of wanting to look after people was coming to the surface; my parents have always emphasized the fact that I was constantly taking the role as some sort of “mother” to my siblings even though we were close in age. This was not me trying to be a figure of authority or have power over them, but my intentions of guiding and protecting them. Since my oldest sibling is a male and because I am a female it could be assumed that this was the reason why I would want to guide and take care of him, but this is very unlikely the reason. Although it is an undeniable thought, because society has shaped our thinking since gender roles have been taught over centuries, there must be another alternative reason. Is female’s motherly instinct a thing or is it also a social construct? By evolutionary means such instinct could be real and thus be accounted for why I have a drive for nurturing others. However, a generalization that for simply being women one would feel like this would be a huge error since there are large quantities of women that are not good mothers or do not like nurturing, as well as men that for the contrary, are great fathers and take care equally or even more than women.

For example in my home both of my parents have taken nurturing roles, nevertheless, this does not mean they have not let me explore and fail. I have been raised with high expectations but with no pressure from my parents for I have depended on pressuring myself which has led for me to mature early for my age. In elementary school I learned about being bullied and about bullying others; although for some time it happened to me I took it as a learning experience and has made it easier for me to put myself in other’s shoes. Also, see that people may be going through situations which one does not know or understand so no judging should be made and how greatly bullying can affect others while it is just for lifting the bully’s ego. Later in high school, by being in the advance group I had to deal with some creatures like the ones I was previously talking about which saw everything as a competition and would play dirty so they could reach “success”. This showed and thought me that life is best enjoyed when not looked like a competition, but by working as a community and seeing the strengths in everyone and helping them on their weaknesses. From my years in college I have learned all the limitations society has established for women, how these live in the subconscious of others, how hard and time consuming is trying to change someone’s point of view but also the importance of doing so and fighting for our rights that would otherwise be denied. Also, I have learned the unfairness of the system in which the path is traced and cleared up for those with power and troubled for those who do not.

Seeing how society has made us think primarily of living for personal reward and happy moments, magnifies the reason of why there are so many “selfish” people. This is because is the easy way to live. Opposite to these people, I have centered my life in building healthy relationships with others, being a good friend and helping people in need and even though I have worked for my own goals, for this I think I have sacrificed some personal growth. By saying this I intend to expose that in my life my balance tilted too much for helping others and I forgot about building myself up. For now I should blend more and learn from this egocentric world, or maybe less.

[biofunmy]

CRISPR Mice From China Could Help Save This Toddler From A Rare Genetic Form Of Epilepsy

When Amber Freed first told doctors her baby boy wasn’t able to move his hands, they said that wasn’t possible.

Freed had given birth to twins in March 2017. While her baby girl, Riley, squirmed and babbled and crawled through the first year of her life, her fraternal twin, Maxwell, was different. He didn’t crawl or babble like Riley did. “I would fill out their baby books each month, and Riley had met all of these milestones. Maxwell didn’t reach one,” she said. Most alarmingly, however, Freed noticed that he never moved his hands.

She knew the news was going to be bad when they sent her to the “sad room” at the hospital, a featureless conference space filled with grim-faced doctors, to hear the diagnosis.

“You take your baby to the doctor and you say, ‘He can’t move his hands.’ And they look at you and they say, ‘Of course he can,’” said Freed.

“Then they look for themselves, and you can see from the look on their faces that they have never seen anything like this.”

On June 14, 2018, at the Children’s Hospital Colorado in Denver, Maxwell was diagnosed with a genetic disease called SLC6A1. The diagnosis explained why the infant hadn’t moved his hands or learned how to speak for the first year of his life, while Riley was thriving. But it didn’t explain much else: All the doctors who diagnosed Maxwell knew about the genetic disease came from a single five-page study published in 2014, the year of its discovery. It was too rare to even have a name, she was told, so the doctors just called it by the name of the affected gene: SLC6A1.

Now her 2½-year-old son is at the center of a multimillion-dollar race against time, one that’s come to include genetics researchers whom Freed personally recruited, paid for by $1 million that Freed and her husband, Mark, have raised themselves. At the center of their research will be specially crafted mutant mice that Freed paid scientists in China to genetically alter to have the same disease as Maxwell. The four mice are scheduled to arrive stateside next week, but Freed said she’s prepared to smuggle them into the US disguised as pets if there are any problems.

In total, Amber and Mark will need to raise as much as $7 million to test a genetic treatment for their child. And unless they can find — and fund — a cure, SLC6A1 will condemn Maxwell to severe epileptic seizures, most likely starting before he turns 3. The seizures may trigger developmental disabilities for a lifetime, often accompanied by aggressive behavior, hand flapping, and difficulty speaking.

And the Freeds will have to do it largely alone — there are only an estimated 100 other people diagnosed with SLC6A1 in the world. “This is the rarest of the rare diseases,” pediatric geneticist Austin Larson of the Children’s Hospital Colorado told BuzzFeed News.

SLC6A1 is just one of thousands of untreatable rare diseases, and the perilous path it has set up for Freed, half science quarterback and half research fundraiser, is one that few parents can follow. “My dream is to create a playbook of how I did this for those that come after me,” said Freed. “I never want there to be another family that has suffered like this.”

“You can think of SLC6A1 as a vacuum cleaner in the brain,” genetic counselor Katherine Helbig of the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, told BuzzFeed News. Helbig will speak at the first conference on the gene at the American Epilepsy Society meeting in Baltimore on Dec. 5, an effort organized by Freed.

The protein made by the gene acts as a stop sign to message-carrying chemicals in the brain, halting them by vacuuming them up once they reach their destination brain cell, Helbig explained.

When one of the two copies of the SLC6A1 gene in every brain cell is damaged, like in Maxwell’s case, too little of its protein is available to perform its vacuuming duties, leading to miscommunication between cells, developmental disorders, autism-like symptoms, and, often, severe epileptic seizures.

Maxwell is about the age when epileptic seizures typically start in kids with the genetic disease, said Helbig, adding, “There probably are many more children out there who have it, but they just haven’t had the right test to find it.” At least 100 similar genetic defects cause similar kinds of epilepsy, afflicting about 1 in 2,000 kids, she said.

“I was the one who presented this diagnosis to Amber,” said Larson of the Children’s Hospital Colorado. There was no medicine or diet or any other treatment for SLC6A1. It wasn’t an easy conversation. “Most of the time when we present a diagnosis for a genetic condition, there is not a specific treatment available.”

“At that moment, it was just vividly clear that the only option was for me to create our own miracle,” said Freed. “Nobody else was going to help.”

Half the battle with a rare genetic disease is getting researchers interested, said Helbig.

“At that moment, it was just vividly clear that the only option was for me to create our own miracle. Nobody else was going to help.”

So that is what Freed set out to do. She quit her job as a financial analyst and started making phone calls to scientists, calling 300 labs in the first three months. For those who didn’t respond, she sent them snacks via Uber Eats.

Her search, and a rapid-fire education on genetic diseases, led her to conclude the best hope for helping Maxwell was an experimental technique called gene therapy.

All the roads zeroed in on one scientist: Steven Gray of the University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center in Dallas. In 2018, a team headed by Gray reported the first human experiments of gene transfer by spinal injection, conducted in 5 to 10 children with mutations in a gene called GAN that causes swelling in brain cells.

The GAN gene transfer in that experiment, first tested in mice, attached a corrected version of the damaged gene to a harmless virus. Viruses reproduce by infecting cells and hijacking their DNA machinery to reproduce their own genes, making more viruses. The gene therapy virus in turn leaves behind a corrected gene in the DNA of cells they infect. Injected into the spinal cord, Gray’s virus can travel straight to the brain, leaving behind the corrected gene after the virus has run its course.

“I gave him my 30-second equity analyst pitch. I told him why Maxwell was a good patient, that we would raise $4 million to $7 million, and quarterback every step of the research,” she said. “And it worked. He agreed to make it a priority — if we could raise the money.”

Amber Freed

The SLC6A1 researchers with the Freeds at a science meeting. From left: Terry Jo Bichell, Frances Shaffo, Amber Freed, Katty Kang, and Mark Freed.

Less than a month after meeting Gray, Freed contacted a lab at Tongji University in Shanghai that was also researching SLC6A1. The lab agreed to develop a mouse with Maxwell’s specific mutation for less than $50,000, using a gene modification technology called CRISPR that has revolutionized genetic engineering in the lab. “CRISPR mice are much more expensive in the US, and this lab had experience with the gene,” said Freed.

By July of this year, an experiment with a gene therapy virus that corrects SLC6A1 was tested on normal lab mice, which showed no sign of a toxic response, an encouraging sign. And by September, a line of CRISPR mice with Maxwell’s exact genetic mutation had been created at Tongji University.

“It is the literal mouse version of him,” said Freed. “Testing a therapy in this mouse is as close as science can get to testing in my son directly.”

To pay for all this, Maxwell’s family started fundraising last November and organized the first medical symposium on SLC6A1 in New Orleans that same month. They opened a GoFundMe account, which has raised $600,000, and held 35 fundraisers, which raised an additional $400,000 by October. In one charity competition, Larson from the Colorado Children’s Hospital, who diagnosed Maxwell, personally helped her raise $75,000.

“It is the literal mouse version of him. Testing a therapy in this mouse is as close as science can get to testing in my son directly.”

That money is helping to pay for the next step — getting the CRISPR mice to Gray’s lab to test the SLC6A1-correcting virus on them. But it’s not as simple as putting the mice in a box and shipping them by mail. The mice will be transferred through a lab at Vanderbilt University headed by Katty Kang, an expert on the neurotransmitter disrupted by Maxwell’s mutation.

“Amber is helping us to advance science, and everyone is making this a priority because of the young lives at stake — not just Maxwell, but other children this could help,” Kang told BuzzFeed News.

Once the four mice arrive, they will spend several weeks in quarantine, be tested to make sure they have Maxwell’s specific “point” mutation in the SLC6A1 gene, and breed with normal lab mice to produce generations of mixed-inheritance mice to serve as controls in future experiments. The mutant mice will be closely monitored before they head to UT Southwestern to make sure that they demonstrate the same problems and genetics as human patients with SLC6A1 and can therefore be used in any future clinical trials of gene therapy.

Right now at UT Southwestern, results from a safety test of the gene therapy virus — conducted by Gray’s lab on young, normal lab mice — is awaiting publication. If that works out, once the Chinese mice are sent over, they will also receive the gene-correcting virus. His team will see if their symptoms improve and to what extent their brain cells accept the corrected gene.

Courtesy Amber Freed

Maxwell’s brain cells seen through a microscope (left), and a sample of his cells in a petri dish.

And then, Freed just needs another $5.5 million. Half a million dollars will go to test the virus in a second SLC6A1 animal model, likely a rat, as another safety step. Two million dollars will go toward creating more of the gene-correcting virus for a human safety study if that proves to be safe. And finally, if all that works out, $3 million will be needed to conduct the experiment on Maxwell and other children next year, following the path of the GAN clinical trial led by Gray.

“It’s a really horrible realization that the only thing standing in the way of a cure for your 2-year-old is money,” said Freed.

Freed acknowledges that she has only been able to pursue a cure for Maxwell because her family has the resources to do so — which she would never have had growing up in small towns in Texas, Montana, and Colorado in a poor family affected by alcoholism. “I grew up visiting my parents in rehab and knew what to say to put a family member on a 72-hour psychiatric hold by age 12,” she said. She dug herself out to build a career in finance, and hoped her kids would never have to experience the struggles she did growing up.

Even so, the fight hasn’t been easy on them — or on Maxwell’s sister, Riley.

Freed worries her daughter is growing up in doctors’ waiting rooms, waiting on treatments for her brother to end. Maxwell’s disease has progressed, causing him to constantly clench his fingers, and sometimes pull his sister’s hair. His 3-year-old sister will gently remind him, “Soft hands, Maxie.”

Families like the Freeds are at the forefront of efforts to turn diagnoses of rare genetic ailments, which often used to be the stopping point for medicine, into treatments. A similar case saw the family of a 3-year-old girl, Mila Makovec, raise $3 million for gene therapy to cure her Batten disease, a deadly genetic brain disease that affects 2 to 4 of every 100,000 children born in the US.

In a New England Journal of Medicine editorial on that case published in October, FDA officials questioned how high the agency should set the safety bar for such treatments, meant for severe diseases affecting so few people. In these cases, parents are often collaborators in developing treatments, and might not want to stop efforts that come with high risks. “Even in rapidly progressing, fatal illnesses, precipitating severe complications or death is not acceptable, so what is the minimum assurance of safety that is needed?” wrote senior FDA officials Janet Woodcock and Peter Marks.

“This is way beyond what anyone expects of families.”

Finally, Woodcock and Marks wrote, “finding sustainable funding for such interventions may prove challenging, because the cost of production can be quite substantial, particularly for gene therapies.”

In our era of financial inequality, the specter of wealthy parents buying custom genetic treatments for their children’s ailments — while other parents desperately resort to GoFundMe accounts, or else do nothing — looms as a possibility.

“This is way beyond what anyone expects of families,” said Larson. The pathway has been opened up by the brave new world of improved genetic diagnoses, and the coming of age of rapid genetic engineering tools like CRISPR.

But only 20 years ago, an experimental gene therapy that relied on a “harmless” virus killed an 18-year-old volunteer, Jesse Gelsinger, in a research misconduct case that brought gene therapy to a standstill. Now more than 2,500 gene therapy clinical trials have been conducted, and more than 370 are underway. The human genome was not sequenced until 2000; today, mapping an entire human gene map costs around $700. In this new era, customized treatments for rare genetic diseases like Maxwell’s are suddenly possible.

“What I hope is that we are paving the way for other parents to help their children,” said Freed.

Families of children with rare genetic diseases are also working together to make treatments like the one Freed is spearheading possible, said Larson.

“They support each other and work together,” he said. The best example might be the families of children with cystic fibrosis, who — through the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation and the discovery of the gene responsible for the disease in 1989 — have pushed for the discovery of new drug treatments. In October, the FDA approved a “breakthrough” pharmaceutical that could treat 90% of cases.

“It is easier working with FDA on this kind of approach rather than starting from scratch,” Gray told BuzzFeed News by email. After all, he said, “it’s easier to follow a path that you’ve already walked down.”

Similarly, Freed hopes the SLC6A1 Connect advocacy group she started can lead to similar treatments for other children with genetic epilepsies caused by the gene.

“I don’t think any parent should be expected to single-handedly cure his or her child’s rare disease,” said Helbig. “Amber is a very tenacious and persistent person, and she will fight tooth and nail for her kids. But a lot of people don’t have the resources — and they shouldn’t have to.”

Helbig says that “cautious optimism” is appropriate on the chances of research yielding a genetic therapy for children like Maxwell. “For SLC6A1, it’s really too early to say whether this is going to work.”

But if it works, it might lead many more parents to get genetic tests for children that will reveal undiagnosed problems, she said. Many doctors discourage extensive genetic tests, thinking they won’t find anything helpful. In the absence of known treatments, insurers are also reluctant to pay for such tests, discouraging all but the most fortunate and resourceful parents. Even for them, there are no guarantees.

“The other tough reality is the possibility this treatment won’t be completed in time to help Maxwell,” said Freed. “I love him with every ounce of my being, and I want him to know that I did everything humanly possible to change his outcome.” ●

Sahred From Source link Science

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[chichitumblur]

so this is a speech that i wrote after i had a bad day. i went home and i listened to all 3 hours of all the clean speeches @taylorswift made while on the 1989 tour and it completely changed the way i view myself. now anytime i feel bad about anything i read my own clean speech to myself to remind myself who i really am. thank you for saving me taylor ❤️

Clean

Happiness. It’s the one thing in this world that everyone wants but is sometimes one of the hardest things in the world to have. The feeling is fleeting, and you never know when it may make an appearance or disappearance in your life. So many people go without it, and there are also a lot of people who think that they have it and don’t have the slightest idea that happiness is actually much greater than whatever feeling they are actually experiencing. Unfortunately, I fall under the latter of those two lonely feelings. So many people, including myself, put so much pressure on being perfect, and they really think that trying to be perfect is what will lead this to happiness. Thankfully – this is wrong. Something that I have learned is it’s never about being perfect. In fact, it’s not always about being happy either. It’s really just trying to take the next step. Sometimes, the biggest thing that we have trouble focusing on is just attempting to move on. But it’s a necessary step to take because for each time you put one foot in front of the other, the closer you will be to true happiness.

Unfortunately, it is inevitable to always be happy. You will always have good days and bad days. In addition, every person has a different definition of happiness. So instead of trying to find happiness, let it come to you. However, sometimes that can be the hardest thing to do because our minds get in the way, I speak from personal experience. In order to be happy, it’s important to know that you must have the right mindset, and achieving that is something you will have to work and wait for. You have to be able to do two different things: be able to block out what other people say about you and be able to block out what you say about yourself. And most of the time these are harder than they seem.

The first is probably the easiest of two. To try and block out everything that someone else says or does that could possibly bring you down, you need to know that you are not someone else who doesn’t know you’ s opinion of you. Everyone has an opinion of you, and there’s always going to be someone out there who would wish that you would change. And when someone writes a hateful comment about you, or when someone subtweets you, or when someone calls you out – first, you should know that they were never given the permission to judge you, and second, it’s not fair to you that someone can criticize you like that and not have to watch the aftermath of you seeing the hateful things that they said about you. So your first thoughts should not be about your flaws, they should be about how it’s not really fair for them to say that. But what’s most important is that when you see that comment, you know that the things that someone said about you do not define you as a person. You are your own definition of beautiful, and you are the one person who gets to create that definition. No one else has the ability to define you because you and you alone are the one person with the power to change that. Furthermore, when you read that comment, you shouldn’t feel guilty for not being happy when you read it. You should never feel guilty for feeling emotion; you should never feel guilty for being able to feel. On top of that, you should never feel guilty for getting hurt after giving your trust out. A lot of people think trust is something that shouldn’t be given out easily, and the fact that you are willing to be more generous with your heart than most of the other people on this planet is truly a beautiful thing. It’s not a bad thing to be vulnerable, and so you shouldn’t have to feel ashamed for being open with your heart to other people. And sometimes, after your trust has been broken, it becomes easier and easier for you to regret sharing your heart, and you start to shell yourself in. I need you to know that you should never be afraid of being generous with yourself because trying to water yourself down just strays you away from the beautiful human that you already are. Instead, you just have to learn to block these things out, because, personally, my shell was the least accepting place on Earth, and I never want to go back there again, and I doubt you would like to visit either.

Next, and the most hurtful of the two are the things that you say about yourself. The voices that we hear in our heads are usually the meanest ones. Society has come up with definitions to words like beautiful, cool, smart, special, and many other things that we all want to be, and I have to say all of these definitions are incredibly wrong and biased to fit certain people more than others.It is not impossible for you to be beautiful, cool, smart, special or anything other thing you aspire to be, and it never will be. Like I said, you are your own definition, and because of that, you should never compare yourself to anyone else for that reason. Because when you look at someone else’s social media feed and you start comparing, it’s not accurate at all because you’re only seeing the highlights of their life. If you compare all of the aspects of your life from your fears to your insecurities to the spectacular, glorious best moments of that other person, you’re not doing anything but putting yourself down. It’s hard not to compare yourself, but if you learn to, you realize that all these ‘definitions’ that society has don’t exist anymore because you have no standard to compare yourself to except your past. And if you can manage that, then you’ll only grow as a person from there. But sometimes our negative thoughts about ourselves come from a place of hurt and regret, instead of comparison which hurts just as much if not more. As I said before, you shouldn’t feel guilty for being open with your trust. Likewise, you shouldn’t feel guilty for trusting yourself. Sometimes we fall short of goals and expectations that we set for ourselves, and we shouldn’t let those get in the way of what we think about ourselves either. Similar to how the things other people say about you don’t define you as a person, the thoughts in your head don’t define yourself either. You define yourself by your actions and words, and you should never let any person or voice stray you from how you normally talk or act. So, to help with this, when you do feel down, look in the mirror and remind yourself of difference between what you say about yourself, and what is actually true about yourself. That will help you distinguish between what you think about yourself and who you really are, and it definitely helps your ability to identify what these pessimistic voices sound like, so when you do hear them you can shut them down. So, whenever you tell yourself that you aren’t pretty enough, or you aren’t cool enough, or you just aren’t enough, just remember this: you see yourself every single day. You’ve seen your face more than anything else, so it’s natural that you get tired of it eventually. But know that there are people out there that wish they could see your face more because it matches the definition of beauty or cool that’s in their head. You’ll never be able to be anyone other than yourself, so why not be happy and love yourself?

These two things are both hard to achieve, but if you can just push yourself to block it all out, it truly helps. The last thing that I want to talk about is the past, specifically, your past. I know saying “Everyone makes mistakes” at this point is just too cliché to have any sort of effective meaning. So instead, I will tell you a few other things about the errors of your past that you may not have considered. First, there will never be a limit to how many mistakes you make, so don’t beat yourself up for making them because they’re never going to stop coming up. Sometimes people die from mistakes, and that’s the last thing they do – I promise you, it’s better to learn and move on. Next, each time you make a mess, whether it be little or big, in your life, you learn from it, and you do your best not to repeat that specific thing. Each mistake you make is different, so instead of thinking them of an anchor that keeps you from moving on from the burdens of your past, think of them as a milestone. For every new milestone that you reach, you get wiser, smarter, and stronger, and eventually after enough milestones, you will find your true self along the way. And although once you find your true self along the way, the mistakes still don’t stop, but at least you’re you. And on that long road of messing up until we find out who we are, never for a second feel bad because you haven’t reached the end goal yet. Finding out who you are definitely takes patience and effort; it’s something you just have to endure until you reach the so satisfying end goal. And anytime in between your start and end points, when you think of yourself, your first thoughts should not be of your metaphorical scars. You are so much more than your past because you are also your present and future, and I can promise you that they both have a lot in store for you. So, please remember that you are not damaged because you don’t have a perfect past, and eventually, you will be able to embody yourself in your truest form.

If you’ve made it this far into the essay, that’s heartwarming to know that you took the time to read all of this, but I do have one more thing to say, and that’s my story. I feel this essay wouldn’t be complete without a personal account of how all this has affected me. I’ve taken the time to reflect on my past and at this point all I have to say about it is that I’m not proud of it, but I’m thankful it exists because it eventually led me to the real me. To start, there’s not much to say except from my youngest years to the start of high school, I have always been a mean person. Period. I don’t like to admit it, but I was a monster child, and you can ask family members, old teachers, and anyone else who knew me when I was younger. In fact, it got to the point where I started going to see a therapist in fifth grade and continued to see her until this past year. Unfortunately, at the end of middle school it got indescribably bad. After a few incidents, I was suddenly walking around with several less friends than usual, and some have never talked to me since. However, near the middle of freshman year, I started to realize how awful I was, and I made a vow to never be mean again. And I kept that promise to myself – least I thought I did. It wasn’t until the day that I wrote this that I realized that for the last year and a half, I’ve bottled up all the rage that I used to release on other people, and instead I inflicted it upon myself. I seemed to never reach the standards that I set for myself, but somehow at that point, I thought that I had a healthy relationship with myself. However, the problem with me was a bit different than any of the ones I described above. Instead, for me, I just couldn’t tell the difference between what people actually said about me, and what I said about myself. It sounds stupid, I know, but I would always just assume that everyone hated me, and that’s how I rolled. It wasn’t until a few hours ago that I realized I have been crueler to myself than I ever was to anyone else. Most people, including myself, never knew of the emotional scars that I unknowingly caused myself because I always did my best to bottle it down. I always thought I was different, like maybe I had some sort of disorder or some secret that my family had always kept from me. But no. The problem turned out to be that I thought I had a problem when I didn’t. Today, I realized that all the pain that I blamed on other people, was all caused by me. It was heartbreaking to realize that I never have accepted myself. It was also heartbreaking to realize that all the pain that I had blamed on other people, didn’t deserve to have it blamed on them. When I assumed they said something behind my back, it was really just me falling short of my own expectations for myself and blaming it on someone else. I thought I matured, but I guess I really never did. This time is different. This time I’m taking full credit for all the pain I caused myself, and I’m sorry to all the people that love me dearly that had to listen to me talk about myself in the worst manner. I’ve changed, and if you’ve ever felt anything that I’ve said above, you can change too.

So, what’s the moral of this story? The moral of this story is people don’t really put enough emphasis on happiness. There’s so much stress put on anti-bullying, but that’s not where the problem is. I want everyone to know that the biggest monster out there that will come after your family, your friends, and your enemies is themselves. I want you to know that your biggest enemy is yourself. I want everyone to be able save themselves from their inner demons and become a bigger person than their mean thoughts. Everyone should know that making a mistake is not supposed to be used as a leverage point to get back at yourself. No matter what troubles you face or mistakes you make, it doesn’t matter because it doesn’t define you; it’s how you react to them that does. And if you keep that in mind you can take on any storm that may blow your way whether it’s a hailstorm, a thunderstorm, a hurricane, a tornado, or anything far from or in between. Because it won’t be the storm that stops you; instead, it will be the storm that makes you clean.

[bharatiyamedia-blog]

Beware of The Trap of Entrepreneurial Success

http://tinyurl.com/y4axdgr3 Building a successful company is what every entrepreneur dreams of and works towards relentlessly. Running a 6 or even 7 figure business is the ultimate goal of countless founders and entrepreneurs; it seems to be the answer to all problems. Yet, during my time working with business owners who’ve “made it,” I observed that entrepreneurial success is extremely glorified. Having clients/customers rolling in and high sales are (surprisingly) not the magic bullet to a fulfilling life, and as effortless as most people picture it. In fact, it’s probably one of the most stressful and exhausting responsibilities one can ever take on and most entrepreneurs are not prepared for it. Getting a business up and running is one thing, but keeping it up in a sustainable way is a completely different thing. “Starting a business could make you rich. But that doesn’t mean you’ll be satisfied.” Charlie Wells wrote in an article for The Wall Street Journal. When striving to achieve entrepreneurial success one should keep in mind that every opportunity comes at an opportunity cost. Problems don’t magically disappear, and as your business grows, it’ll come with a whole new set of challenges. Having no one telling you how to manage your time and where to focus means every decision is on you; Decisions that may have major impact on your company, life, and even your employees’ lives. All of a sudden you have to learn how to lead a high-performing team and implement new systems while trying to keep a cool head to stay productive and balanced. The success of your company is still directly related to your performance as an owner and leader. No wonder burnout, chronic stress, and anxiety are some of the biggest problems accomplished entrepreneurs struggle with. By building a company, you have to change the way you operate in it to increase the bottom line as well as your personal well being. In business, there is just as much stress with success as there is with failure. Unfortunately, many type-A entrepreneurs don’t want to get or have help. Here are 6 Steps to getting your life back and finding joy in your work again: 1. Why did you start? The first and most important question to ask yourself is “Why did I even start?” Oftentimes, when we set out to achieve a goal we lose ourselves in the process. What once felt like fun is now a drag. Burnout is really the misalignment between your purpose, values, and the daily actions you take. Most entrepreneurs start their companies to create freedom and happiness for themselves, earn a good amount of money, and make an impact in the world. If you find your life being controlled by your business, working 18 hour days and feeling trapped in a golden cage, examine if it wouldn’t have been easier to take a well-paying job with paid vacation and benefits instead of sacrificing your health, family, and sanity. Reevaluate your priorities and get back to your original intention, why you’re doing what you’re doing and who you’re doing it for. 2. Success addiction Many entrepreneurs are in some form addicted to the high of accomplishment, to sprinting from goal to goal and achieving milestones they set for themselves. Being a type-A myself, I know how it feels to suffer for the sake of success, not being able to relax and enjoy the journey. When your self-worth is tied to your achievements, you experience constant pressure and are very hard on yourself. Ironically, your goals don’t usually create emotional fulfillment in the way you expected. Finding purpose in achievement is what got you here, yet it’s emotionally draining and will eventually burn you out. When you care more about how your life looks like than how it feels, you’re missing the point of true success. The second step of detaching yourself from your business and getting your life back is to explore what drives you. Realize that the accomplishment of goals is not success but how much you expand and who you become in the process. “As entrepreneurs, we’re achievers! Every time we achieve something, we systematically move the goal post even further. What we don’t do is stop and celebrate our wins and acknowledge our accomplishments.” – Tony Robbins 3. Balance and Self Care When your company grows fast, your life changes just as quickly and you may not have the time to figure out how to take care of yourself. Maximizing your mental and physical potential and making yourself a priority is crucial to your level of success as an owner and leader. Practicing meditation, spending time by yourself to reflect and moving your body are essential components to a well-balanced life and sustainable business. Level up emotional intelligence and change your perspective towards stress in order to increase your resilience and ability to handle setbacks. Connor Beaton, founder and CEO of Man Talks emphasises on the importance of living a balanced life “The key to feeling fulfilled is to approach your life from a broader, wholesome perspective. If professional success is your sole focus, other departments of your life – like relationships and personal development – will suffer.” 4. The Sweet Spot Having meaningful impact, finding personal happiness and freedom and making great money are the three main components of a fulfilling business. Most entrepreneurs are thriving in one or two of these areas, while lacking in the third one, wondering why they feel frustrated, burnt out and unhappy. The sole purpose of running a business isn’t to just make a profit but to also contribute positively to society. As Mark Williamson, author of Action for Happiness suggests, “People who have meaning and purpose in their lives are happier, feel more in control and get more out of what they do. They also experience less stress, anxiety and depression.” Yet, on the other hand, owning and running a company that doesn’t support one’s personal values and only focusing on money and impact can get incredibly exhausting. Too many people are living other people’s definition of success, chasing the paper, but not the dream of freedom and independence. 5. Busyness vs productivity Busy people multitask. Productive people focus. By the end of every day, ask yourself if you feel a sense of pride or exhaustion. When I started my own business, I fell into the trap of working way too many hours without making much progress. I learned that being busy does not equal productive. Essentially time works similar to money, the more time is available, the more we spend. Surprisingly, when there is less time to get something done, we accomplish more because we’re forced to prioritize and focus on essentials. Therefore, make it a point to have work hours as well as off time and stick to it. Taking off weekends and not working before 9 am or after 7 pm might be a schedule that you want to incorporate in your life. Your family and friends will be grateful to you for not using your phone during dinner or scheduling meetings during a weekend trip. “Focus on being productive instead of being busy.” – Tim Ferriss 6. Leadership and Systems Now, that you have a team working for you, learn to let go of detail, use your energy more wisely, and build systems that give you freedom. Think about the what, not the how. Structure your company so your systems and team take care of you, instead of you having to babysit every single little task. “If you want to run a successful business you have to know how to play to your strengths. It’s pretty easy to micromanage everything.” The reason why so many entrepreneurs miss out on atomizing their processes is that they feel like there’s not enough time available to set things up properly. Yet, in the long run, they’d do themselves a favor by taking things off their plate and scaling faster while being less overwhelmed. Even though entrepreneurial success is what so many dream of, the opportunity comes with a set of new challenges that need to be addressed. Running a successful company has to be learned and is not as easy as many would think. If you’re looking to create sustainability for yourself, your team, and your company, reevaluate the way you operate in the business and maybe even find support in restructuring your schedule, responsibilities, and thinking patterns. Reaching another level in business requires you to shift your perspective in many aspects to stop working in the business and start working on it instead. You must learn how to work through people as well as setting boundaries for yourself that help you separate your life from your business. Following these 6 steps is only the beginning of taking back your life. Remember to create freedom for yourself instead of being controlled by your business or you may be missing the point of true success while on the journey. Have you thought of being an entrepreneur? If so, what do you want to do? Let us know below! Source link

[lokeanrampant]

Indoctrination via Societal Influence

Had an interesting conversation recently that really got me thinking about indoctrination.  Cause I HATE indoctrination.  Despise it.  It doesn’t matter to me if it’s in real life, in books, in video games – the media doesn’t matter, because indoctrination is frequently used to teach people to hate themselves, to not think for themselves, to adhere to a status quo with which we had no say and is a matter of tradition for tradition’s sake (which if you know anything about my blog, you know I LOATHE).  

And probably no one will read this and whatever…it’s still something I need to get out and shout and rail against and just…NOT keep inside.  There’s a lot about gender identity, forced gender identities and attributes, overall influence and divisiveness to cause power structures, etc.  It’s a rant and it’s frustration and it’s tears and it’s pain.

And it’s sorrow.

The stereotypical gender molds – female and male separations – are divisive to me as they seem restrictive by dictating what it means to be one or the other and never the twain shall meet.  Which is, if I may, BULLSHIT.  What attributes of personality, interests, abilities, etc., are considered “female” or “male” by society is literally that – dictated by a society that was and still is geared toward creating division.  If you can separate things, especially people, you can place one over the other.  It’s not a merging of people to create a unified community; it’s a division of people to create a power structure.  This particular power structure was created to elevate men over women.  

Are there biological differences between the classic male and female genders?  Absolutely.  But there are also a fuckton of biological merging between the two.  Medicine is particularly bad about this.  To a degree, it makes sense – medicine is based on averages, what works for the majority of people who are similar to x, y, z genetics.  That is good EXCEPT when it goes on for too long, it strangles itself and becomes restrictive.  With the push for trans rights and visibility and care based on the individual rather than the “norm,” we are actually trying to steer medicine to treating what is presented, not what is textbook average.  That is brilliant and what it should be as it works for everyone based on biology, not some preconceived societal dictate.  

There is a reason most medications do not work for predominantly genetically female people – they weren’t tested or designed for those people.  The majority of medications and procedures and hell, even warning signs for diseases, are all based around predominantly genetically male people.  It’s why heart attack symptoms for women are so vastly different and missed.  It’s why women miss major illnesses because the pain is less than cramps and we’ve been told for years that we’re overreacting to how painful that is and that cramps are dismissed as an inconvenience, not an actual THING.  (Also, please note, anyone with a womb can have uterine cramps, because they are fucking contractions designed to push out unneeded biologic material, and genetics is a complicated and fascinating mess and variety of chromosomes - however you feel is who you are and you are VALID. Medicine is a bitch and until we get Big Pharma out of it and focus on actually healing and not money, well, it is going to continue to be a bitch.  Someone tell me why my new medication is over a thousand dollars, $350 with insurance, and fucking $5 with a manufacturer coupon.  WTF…if it’s $5 with a coupon, it should be FIVE DOLLARS FLAT.  Assholes.)  

This societal division creates self-doubt and anxiety that we aren’t male enough or female enough and it spirals into self-hate that we don’t fit.  And again, I call BULLSHIT.  My sister (and when I start talking gender issues, I start getting twitchy about even calling sister/brother/mother/father as they’re all gendered labels instead of parent and sibling, but ugh, that’s an issue for another day…) presented with PCOS symptoms in high school, especially hirsutism.  That caused her a lot of self-doubt in how people perceive her and how she perceives herself.  She’s afraid of anything that might make her look more “masculine” to people because of that, to the point she was terrified of getting a short haircut (and she looks super cute with it and she’s so much more comfortable in this heat).  WTF, people? We should not be doing that to other people!  

And OMG, the comments we get when we do things that are “traditionally male.”  Comments from men and women.  Things like demolishing, repairing, and rebuilding a deck.  The fact that I burn through a pair of “gardening” gloves and hand shears yearly because they don’t make work gloves small enough for me in the local hardware stores and I don’t putter in a garden – I fucking LANDSCAPE.  I move stone and gravel and till the ground and build raised beds and clear brush and brambles.  Garden gloves don’t survive that shit.  Doing these things should not be bad ass for a woman.  These things are practical and they need to get done.  My sister and I are fortunate to have a house, but we have it because we simply couldn’t afford to continue living in an apartment where the rent went up $400 every six months.  Our mortgage is less than our last apartment by a significant amount. However, that also means we have to do all the upkeep and repairs because we still can’t afford large scale repairs without years of saving.  It’s a constant battle.  

I am the only female in a department of 16 at work.  I get comments from the few other women at work regarding my hair, saying how brave I am (I am a dirty ash blonde, but currently have black and raspberry hair, super pretty, because I changed it up for a play.  I wish my hair had stayed the strawberry it was when I was little. *pout*).  BUT WHY THE FUCK IS THAT BRAVE?  It’s HAIR.  Why is it more…I don’t know, wild, I guess?  Why do we have to give up something like that after some arbitrary age? That goes back to that whole millennial reblog about how we feel pressured to reach arbitrary society-dictated goals by x age and that being an adult means we have to give up certain things. FUCK THAT NOISE.  I already feel that I’ve lost out on so many things because my mental health issues had me stalled for years, then I figured out who I was and got started, then mental health went down again (lovely roller coaster ride).  But I’m behind.  I’m so far behind on those milestones society says we should have by now, even though it’s ridiculous and we shouldn’t have to meet those milestones because they’re simply NOT APPLICABLE to today’s life.  They aren’t.  If you can meet them, hey, more power to you.  Most of us can’t.  Most of us won’t.  And quite a few of us don’t care to do so because there are more important things to handle right now and giving up who we are to obtain some arbitrary approval isn’t one of them.  And yet it still fucking HURTS that I feel I can never have some of those things because I was trained to believe I was only worth something if I had them.  

Even then, we can only go so far because our entire system is rooted in that nonsense and we still have to play by some rules just to survive.  And it’s stupid and it’s frustrating and you just want to rail at the system because it needs to be changed, but you’re just one person.  Just one.  And getting past the apathy of so many around you, encouraging people to speak up and gather together to present a front, to not be cowed, to not feel like their voice doesn’t matter, to make them feel like they can help make a change for the better?  It’s an uphill battle.  People don’t want to get involved.  Sure, a lot of them believe in better ideas and ideals, but we’ve been trained to accept, not to fight.  (Somehow, I always come back to activism for a better world.  I’d say sorry, but I’m not, not really.)

ANYWAY, back to gender identity.  

What gender SHOULD be is what each individual chooses to be.  

What society has made it is something else entirely.  There are these societal molds into female and male traits, where you are one or the other.  You’re not supposed to like or do these things if you’re the opposite one.  And it’s created this  schism where it’s so damned fucking unhealthy.  It created toxic masculinity that says males can’t be emotional or seek aid.  It’s created this hyper-femininity where women truly believe they need a man to do things.  And it’s not wrong to want a man to do things, either around the house or for you or whatever.  It’s not wrong to want ANYONE, ANY IDENTITY, to help you do something, whether that something is emotional or physical.  But it IS WRONG for society to dictate that those are NECESSARY THINGS BECAUSE OF YOUR SOCIETY-IMPOSED GENDER.  What YOU choose is what YOU choose.  That is what feminism is, that is what humanism is – the ability to choose for yourself what feels best to you, with the caveat of “so long as it harm none.”

So yes, I feel female. My version of female, because I personally don’t feel nb, though who knows, that may change as I get older. And she plays video games, both violent and not.  She not only gardens, but uses some damned fun and effective power gardening tools (seriously, y’all…alligator loppers are AMAZING – mini-gardening chainsaw that is brilliant for removing brush) AND landscapes with masonry, gravel, pavers, stones, and retaining walls and building raised beds.  She cooks, she cares, she loves (even if it’s not returned or wanted), she fights, she protects.  Even if her hands aren’t pretty or elegant, they are her mother’s hands – hands that can comfort; hands that can create life or if necessary, take it away to prevent suffering; hands that create as well as destroy.  Even if she doesn’t matter, now or ever, in the grand scheme of things, she is fire, an element of change, destruction, and creation.  

I was taught to hate everything about who I was from a very young age.   I was trained to believe I was only worth something through the male lens…and I was never, ever, good enough.  I just want people to NOT have to feel that, to not be taught that. I want people to be able to be who they are, whoever that is, without society telling them they are inherently wrong simply for existing.  I know I don’t fit anywhere.  I don’t fit mainstream.  Hell, I don’t fit in the outliers.  I’m not LGBT enough to fit there, either, as I have been pushed away from there on multiple occasions for not being enough.  

But I don’t want that for others.  I’m used to being alone and out the outside, but it’s a hard road to walk and live.  

[babynurse17]

"When Will My Baby Sleep Through The Night?" Asked every Mother on the Planet

Sleeping through the night is a hot topic for discussion among many new mothers in the first year of baby's life. They know that 'eventually' baby should start doing it...but sometimes 'eventually' seems to be taking a really long time!! It’s so commonplace for mothers to worry when their babies don’t sleep through the night because most mom's just want to get some good sleep too!! Most professionals will blame poor sleep habits on nighttime feeding routines/rituals. This way of thinking can put a lot of unnecessary stress and pressure on a new mother. Some doctors recommend nighttime weaning and “cry it out” methods if  baby is not sleeping through the night by 6 months or even earlier. Even when the mom herself has no problem with baby nursing at night, she still worries that this is a problem, since North American society seems to consider it one. There are books all over the bookstores with advice on solving so-called “sleep problems.” But what exactly is a sleep problem? How do you know if your baby has a true problem? This blog will help to answer those questions and hopefully put your mind at ease that good sleep is going to eventually become a reality

First, please ignore what everyone else says about your baby’s sleep habits and what is “normal.” These people are not living with you or your baby. Unless your doctor sleeps in the next room and your baby is keeping him awake every night, he has no reason to question a healthy baby’s sleep habits. If you and your baby enjoy nighttime feedings, then why not continue? It’s a great way to have time with her, particularly if you are apart during the day. My rule of thumb is always, 'If it's working for you. keep doing it, if it's not working, then let's find another way to manage'.

Every baby is different, and some sleep through the night earlier than others (schedules or food usually have nothing to do with this). Your baby may be hungry (keep in mind that breastmilk digests in less than 2 hours) or she may just want time with you. Babies whose mothers work during the week often nurse more at night and on weekends, perhaps to reconnect with mom.

Many doctors tend to look at night nursing only from a nutritional standpoint, but this is only part of the story. After the first few months, your baby will begin to associate the breast with far more than just a way to satisfy hunger and thirst. It becomes a place of comfort, security, warmth, closeness, and familiarity. The act of nursing is not just nourishing; it is nurturing. Keep in mind that these needs are every bit as real as baby’s physical ones, and having them met is every bit as needful to baby’s overall development.

There is also a reason why your baby wants to breastfeed frequently during the night. Babies are actually biologically programmed to be little party animals during the nighttime. Prolactin, which is the hormone responsible for breast milk production, peaks during the nighttime hours (11pm-2am). Your baby knows this!! Your baby is so smart that she knows if she feeds more at night, she helps to build your milk supply and takes in more calories during nighttime feeds. Again, this is temporary as over time prolactin levels start to drop at night. But when your baby is waking at night to feed in the first few months, there is a really good and scientifically based reason why!!

If the amount that your child sleeps and nurses at night isn’t a major problem for you, then there’s no reason to try to change anything. You are NOT doing a bad thing by nursing on cue; you are doing a wonderful thing for your baby. When you comfort baby at night, you are not teaching her a bad habit: you are teaching her that you are there for her when she needs you. Last time I checked, providing security for your baby isn't supposed to be a bad thing.

What is normal when it comes to baby’s sleep?

It is common for breastfed babies to not sleep through the night for a long period of time. On the other hand, some breastfed babies start sleeping through the night when they are a  few months old. Some Doctors say that most babies can't start going for longer stretches of sleep until they are closer to 12 lbs.

Your baby will begin to comfort herself and to sleep for longer stretches at her own developmental pace. If your baby wants to nurse at night, it is because she DOES need this, whether it’s because she is hungry or because she wants to be close to mom. Beginning to sleep through the night is similar to a developmental milestone (like walking or toilet training) that your baby will reach when she is ready. Trying to force baby to reach this before her time may result in other problems later on.

If you can try to take a more relaxed approach and trust that it will come in time, you’ll see your baby eventually become a good sleeper. You’ll be able to rest peacefully in your heart and mind knowing that she reached this in her own time when she felt secure enough to do so, not because he had no other choice but to quiet herself because no one would come.

Probably one of the main reasons that night-waking babies are such a big issue is that parents don’t have realistic expectations of the sleep patterns of babies. We are bombarded with magazine articles and books that perpetuate the myth that babies should not have nighttime needs. Babies were designed to wake up often at night to feed and cuddle– keep in mind that many adults wake during the night, too. If our expectations for babies were not so different from our babies’ expectations for themselves, much of this “problem” might disappear.

Why do babies wake at night?

Babies wake at night for many reasons, and they often start waking at night after sleeping through for a few weeks or months. Some of the reasons for night waking (in no particular order) are:

baby wants more time with mom

teething

developmental advances (for example: waking more often right before or after learning to turn over, crawl or talk)

illness, allergy, diaper rash, eczema, ear infection

hunger (including growth spurts)

Reverse Cycling: Some babies whose moms are away during the day prefer to reject most/all supplements while mom is away, and nurse often during the evening and night. If mom is very busy during the day or if baby is very distracted, this can also lead to reverse cycling.

When your child nurses more often at night, go through this checklist to see if you can figure out what might be going on. Sometimes there may be more than one thing causing the night waking.

Does night waking last forever?

Remember that night waking in babies is normal and temporary!

Children grow out of night waking, even when we do nothing to discourage it. This period of time will be a very tiny part of your child’s years with you.

Your goal is to maximize sleep for everyone in the family, while respecting the needs of your baby.

If you’re meeting this goal, then ignore anyone who suggests that you do things differently. If your sleep situation is not working (or stops working) then you can always do things differently. All parents find that they change the way they do things as their child grows older and reaches different developmental stages – sleep is just another thing that changes as your child grows.

It's also important to remember that mother's need support and need to be heard. Sometimes it's helpful for a mother to speak with a Lactation Consultant who can provide them with the reassurance that they are doing the best thing for their baby by giving them the important nourishment of breastmilk.....even in the wee hours of the moring. Mother's want to be heard and validated and in return given the advice and guidance necessary to keep their confidence levels up. Mothers know what's best. They know in their hearts what they want and as long as it's working for her and her family, then we should support her and continue to provide the knowledge needed for a lasting breastfeeding relationship.

Happy Reading and Happy Breastfeeding!!!

  http://blog.feedspot.com/lactation_blogs/

[n1nj4-l0v4]

Why saving money is hard and how you can get better at it.

If you’re like most people, you probably know it’s hard to save money. Really hard. But do you know why?

Sure, we all know that one person who is really good at managing money and seems to have this whole saving thing figured out. But for the rest of us, storing all those “acorns” away for the winter is just tough. We all know it’s important, but where and how do we even start?

First, know that you’re not alone: Research shows that a lot of Americans don’t have much in savings. One survey of about 5,700 people released by the Federal Reserve found that 46% of adults could not cover an emergency expense of $400 without selling something or borrowing money.

There are a number of reasons why getting in the habit of saving is challenging.

One reason stems from our scarcity of attention, wrote Sendhil Mullainathan, professor of economics at Harvard University in an article on CNN Money. We are more likely to prioritize our immediate needs (say, a new phone) over our future needs (such as our retirement).

This is similar to why we procrastinate in general. According to psychologists, we see our future selves as strangers. While we inevitably become them, the people who we will be in a few months (or decades) are unknown to us, so we do not always make good choices for our futures.

A second reason is that we tend to forget what it felt like during conditions of scarcity. So, maybe you used to survive on a smaller salary, but now that you are getting paid more, you are likely to also increase your spending along with it to buy more (or better) things.

Technology has also made it easier for people to spend more money. Paying for services or items is quick and easy today, especially as we move toward becoming a cashless society.

And on top of all this, there is peer pressure that can be applied via social media, said Sean Stein Smith, a CPA, CGMA, and assistant professor at Rutgers University-Camden. “Seeing pictures of celebrities, family, and friends posting their newest purchases during their most recent vacation can be a tremendously difficult hurdle to overcome,” he explained.

So what can we do to become better savers? Here are few helpful tips and tricks to get you into the habit of saving:

1. Stick to a realistic budget and pay yourself i.e., your savings account first.

“In order to accomplish any goal, whether it is running a marathon or setting up a savings plan for yourself, you need to have a plan in place,” says Smith, who is also a member of the AICPA’s National CPA Financial Literacy Commission. To do this, you need to take the time to know where your money is going and how much you can afford to save.

Everyones circumstances are different, so it’s important to make a realistic budget that includes all your bills and expenses. And budget your savings just like its any other bill that you are paying so that you’re always contributing something to that savings account.

2. Make your savings payments automatic.

The same technologies that make spending so easy can make saving easy too. Try to automate the process as much as possible by setting up automatic payments on payday so that a chunk of every paycheck goes straight into your savings account and you dont even have to think about it.

“Its like jumping into a pool: You have to steel yourself to do it once, and you can benefit going forward,” wrote Mullainathan, the Harvard economics professor.

3. Remind yourself what its like to be broke.

Since we forget what scarcity feels like as soon as were not experiencing it, one helpful thing can be to remind yourself of what it feels like to be broke when you do have money. FutureMe.org lets you write an email to yourself to be delivered later on payday, for instance, when you’ll forget how it felt to scrounge change together for groceries.

4. Take the 52-week money challenge.

Sometimes just getting started is hard, so why not take this 52-week money challenge to get yourself in the habit of saving? The challenge works like this: on week one, save just $1, then on week two, save $2, and on week three, save $3, and so on until you reach week 52, where you save $52. This incremental savings plan starts small, but it can add up to a big difference you will save $1,378 in just one year.

Worried you wont stick to the plan? Try the plan in reverse and start by saving $52 on week one so that you have no excuse on week 52 to not put that $1 in there.

5. Make a goal and stick to it, and celebrate milestones.

Its important to have an emergency fund, but there are a lot of other things you can save for too. So while it’s probably best to try to let your savings grow for a while (and keep withdrawals to a minimum), it’s good to set smaller, more immediate, goals as well that allow you to reward yourself along the way with fun things, like that dream vacation you have always wanted.

Want to make sure your savings plan is realistic and well thought-out? Try the four-week financial fitness challenge.

6. Save your windfalls.

Did you get a larger-than-usual tax refund or an annual bonus this year? As tempting as it can be to rush out and spend it now, put that extra money into savings. You wont miss the money, and it will get you closer to your savings goals.

7. Keep the cash back for your savings account.

Does your credit card or bank offer you cash back for certain purchases? Make sure to transfer those extra dollars right into your savings account.

8. Save your change.

Small amounts of money can go a long way too. Do you have a bunch of change rattling around in your wallet? Why not collect all those coins in an old-school piggy bank? When it is full, you can exchange the coins at your local bank or supermarket for cash that can easily be deposited into a savings account. It might not seem like much, but over the course of the year, those loose pennies can really add up.

Some banks also offer “keep the change” programs to automatically round up your debit card purchases to the nearest dollar and transfer the difference into your savings account.

9. Increase your savings contributions when and where you can.

Get a raise? Or did you finally pay off your mortgage or a credit card? Be sure to increase your savings contribution before you start spending to reflect your pay increase or extra money in the budget. It will help you get one step closer to your savings goals.

10. Get a budget buddy.

“Planning, automation, and sticking with it think of it like a workout regime are the ‘secret sauce’ to savings success,” says Smith. And a great way to stick with it is to find someone, like your husband, wife, or partner, to help motivate you.

“[This is] someone that is on the same path as you that can keep you motivated, engaged, and committed when you are tempted to start slacking,” he says.

For some of us, saving isnt easy, but thankfully there are a lot of ways to trick yourself into getting better at it.

And once you develop the habit and start meeting your goals, your future self will thank you.

Read more: http://www.upworthy.com/why-saving-money-is-hard-and-how-you-can-get-better-at-it

from https://www.makingthebest.com/2017/04/16/why-saving-money-is-hard-and-how-you-can-get-better-at-it/

[the-yaoi-galla]

Why saving money is hard and how you can get better at it.

If you’re like most people, you probably know it’s hard to save money. Really hard. But do you know why?

Sure, we all know that one person who is really good at managing money and seems to have this whole saving thing figured out. But for the rest of us, storing all those “acorns” away for the winter is just tough. We all know it’s important, but where and how do we even start?

First, know that you’re not alone: Research shows that a lot of Americans don’t have much in savings. One survey of about 5,700 people released by the Federal Reserve found that 46% of adults could not cover an emergency expense of $400 without selling something or borrowing money.

There are a number of reasons why getting in the habit of saving is challenging.

One reason stems from our scarcity of attention, wrote Sendhil Mullainathan, professor of economics at Harvard University in an article on CNN Money. We are more likely to prioritize our immediate needs (say, a new phone) over our future needs (such as our retirement).

This is similar to why we procrastinate in general. According to psychologists, we see our future selves as strangers. While we inevitably become them, the people who we will be in a few months (or decades) are unknown to us, so we do not always make good choices for our futures.

A second reason is that we tend to forget what it felt like during conditions of scarcity. So, maybe you used to survive on a smaller salary, but now that you are getting paid more, you are likely to also increase your spending along with it to buy more (or better) things.

Technology has also made it easier for people to spend more money. Paying for services or items is quick and easy today, especially as we move toward becoming a cashless society.

And on top of all this, there is peer pressure that can be applied via social media, said Sean Stein Smith, a CPA, CGMA, and assistant professor at Rutgers University-Camden. “Seeing pictures of celebrities, family, and friends posting their newest purchases during their most recent vacation can be a tremendously difficult hurdle to overcome,” he explained.

So what can we do to become better savers? Here are few helpful tips and tricks to get you into the habit of saving:

1. Stick to a realistic budget and pay yourself i.e., your savings account first.

“In order to accomplish any goal, whether it is running a marathon or setting up a savings plan for yourself, you need to have a plan in place,” says Smith, who is also a member of the AICPA’s National CPA Financial Literacy Commission. To do this, you need to take the time to know where your money is going and how much you can afford to save.

Everyones circumstances are different, so it’s important to make a realistic budget that includes all your bills and expenses. And budget your savings just like its any other bill that you are paying so that you’re always contributing something to that savings account.

2. Make your savings payments automatic.

The same technologies that make spending so easy can make saving easy too. Try to automate the process as much as possible by setting up automatic payments on payday so that a chunk of every paycheck goes straight into your savings account and you dont even have to think about it.

“Its like jumping into a pool: You have to steel yourself to do it once, and you can benefit going forward,” wrote Mullainathan, the Harvard economics professor.

3. Remind yourself what its like to be broke.

Since we forget what scarcity feels like as soon as were not experiencing it, one helpful thing can be to remind yourself of what it feels like to be broke when you do have money. FutureMe.org lets you write an email to yourself to be delivered later on payday, for instance, when you’ll forget how it felt to scrounge change together for groceries.

4. Take the 52-week money challenge.

Sometimes just getting started is hard, so why not take this 52-week money challenge to get yourself in the habit of saving? The challenge works like this: on week one, save just $1, then on week two, save $2, and on week three, save $3, and so on until you reach week 52, where you save $52. This incremental savings plan starts small, but it can add up to a big difference you will save $1,378 in just one year.

Worried you wont stick to the plan? Try the plan in reverse and start by saving $52 on week one so that you have no excuse on week 52 to not put that $1 in there.

5. Make a goal and stick to it, and celebrate milestones.

Its important to have an emergency fund, but there are a lot of other things you can save for too. So while it’s probably best to try to let your savings grow for a while (and keep withdrawals to a minimum), it’s good to set smaller, more immediate, goals as well that allow you to reward yourself along the way with fun things, like that dream vacation you have always wanted.

Want to make sure your savings plan is realistic and well thought-out? Try the four-week financial fitness challenge.

6. Save your windfalls.

Did you get a larger-than-usual tax refund or an annual bonus this year? As tempting as it can be to rush out and spend it now, put that extra money into savings. You wont miss the money, and it will get you closer to your savings goals.

7. Keep the cash back for your savings account.

Does your credit card or bank offer you cash back for certain purchases? Make sure to transfer those extra dollars right into your savings account.

8. Save your change.

Small amounts of money can go a long way too. Do you have a bunch of change rattling around in your wallet? Why not collect all those coins in an old-school piggy bank? When it is full, you can exchange the coins at your local bank or supermarket for cash that can easily be deposited into a savings account. It might not seem like much, but over the course of the year, those loose pennies can really add up.

Some banks also offer “keep the change” programs to automatically round up your debit card purchases to the nearest dollar and transfer the difference into your savings account.

9. Increase your savings contributions when and where you can.

Get a raise? Or did you finally pay off your mortgage or a credit card? Be sure to increase your savings contribution before you start spending to reflect your pay increase or extra money in the budget. It will help you get one step closer to your savings goals.

10. Get a budget buddy.

“Planning, automation, and sticking with it think of it like a workout regime are the ‘secret sauce’ to savings success,” says Smith. And a great way to stick with it is to find someone, like your husband, wife, or partner, to help motivate you.

“[This is] someone that is on the same path as you that can keep you motivated, engaged, and committed when you are tempted to start slacking,” he says.

For some of us, saving isnt easy, but thankfully there are a lot of ways to trick yourself into getting better at it.

And once you develop the habit and start meeting your goals, your future self will thank you.

Read more: http://www.upworthy.com/why-saving-money-is-hard-and-how-you-can-get-better-at-it

from https://www.makingthebest.com/2017/04/16/why-saving-money-is-hard-and-how-you-can-get-better-at-it/