#Just kinda-- y'know. Feeling some kind of way. Sometimes it's hard for people to feel like it's okay to step away from tumblr

[hyaciiintho]

🌻

Send me a 🌻 and I'll just tell you whatever the hell I want | ✿

🌸｡*ﾟ+. Just wanted to say that I truly, genuinely, and honestly appreciate everyone who's been patient with me !! My attention flies around like a fly 99% of the time, and chooses to focus about 1%, and unfortunately that 1% is very much out of my control in terms of what it's focusing on.

So this is my space here, to tell all of you-- Thank you for writing with me, for choosing to enjoy my muses in all their sparsity, and for allowing me to breathe and not feel like I have to be replying all the time in order to be welcomed. It's not always sunshine and rainbows and there are definitely those who have shattered that peace, but in the end, we all move on and I've lost nothing of value ♡ only regained my peace and space.

[luneariaa]

ᯓ★٠ ࣪⭑ "WERE YOU ASLEEP?" ✧ KENJI S.

✰ — mentions of you having some troubled thoughts during the night, implications of self-doubt(?), momentary phone calls, sweet and comforting kenji, pretty much self-indulgent.

. dividers by @/cafekitsune 🌙!!

IT WAS late at night, and yet, your mind itself refused to let you rest, preventing you from getting your own desired slumber. Your sole figure could be seen standing just by the balustrades of the balcony— breathing in the twilight air contentedly despite your turbulent mind.

These thoughts get too much sometimes, allowing yourself to at least try and loosen yourself up for the night— attempting to soothe any present aches and other unneeded distractions, especially from deep within.

You just wished that you'd never end up acting on them— hopefully not. Bad days are normal, so to speak. They'll pass, and eventually, everything will be better again. There's always light at the end of the tunnel, after all, so you keep holding on to that no matter how hard it may get at times.

The will to live is still reasonably strong, even when life itself isn't so kind to you. It gets exhausting, but you'll be there even with tons of struggle that you have to endure in the process.

Taking the phone out of your pocket, you glanced down at the clock, which shows it's exactly at two. Your sleeping schedule is unavoidably messed up, and you knew that you'd probably get an earful of scolding later on.

Breathing out ever so slowly, your fingers almost too subconsciously made their way to your contacts folder— which isn't that much, and ultimately pressed on one of the displayed names.

KEN.

Should I call him, or not?

After a fair minute or two of mentally debating whether to make a call to him, despite it being quite late at night— you did it, in the end. You just needed to talk to him for some unexplainable reasons, even when you don't really have any specific topics to talk about this late.

The phone didn't even need to ring twice when it was being picked up immediately, much to your surprise. Like, at this hour too?

"Hey— that was quick."

"Hey too," he chuckled facetiously over your words, maintaining his push-up position but on one hand. "Wouldn't want to miss a call from my favorite lady ever— and you're lucky I wasn't even asleep yet."

This piqued your interest. "What were you even doing?"

"Just doing some workout. Y'know, the usual." Ah, of course, he would. Even if Kenji already has those toned, healthy physique, he will always try to keep his body in a perfect shape.

"At a time like this? Gosh, you're questionable sometimes." A faint mirth could be heard on both sides of the phone call; sharing a laugh with one another.

"But anyway—" Kenji grabbed the towel nearby and wiped the sweat off his face, still maintaining his hold on the phone. "What's up? Couldn't sleep, hm?"

"Kinda. Got distracted, as usual." You couldn't contain the smile from forming upon your face, already feeling some of your worries gradually alleviated just from hearing his voice alone. "Glad that you aren't asleep yet too."

Kenji grins through the phone, even when you aren't there to witness it— eventually taking a seat on the nearby chair to rest for a while.

"Yeah."

"But seriously, are you alright?" His tone turns a tad bit more apprehensive, just in case since it's a pretty late hour too.

"I am, don't worry."

"It's just that— my thoughts are being quite a bother for some reason. But yeah, it's probably because well, it's late past midnight."

He nodded for a bit from the other side, seemingly understanding of your situation as it happens to him sometimes too.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

His simple offer made you think for a few seconds there, not knowing how to reply to him just yet.

"Well.."

"It's just something like— I don't know. Out of all people, you're the only one who stayed the most by my side. I'm so grateful for it, and sometimes, I still can't get used to it for some reason."

"You're too good for me."

He sighs softly, leaning his back slightly against the chair. "Hey, c'mon, don't say that. I did all of this because you genuinely deserved it."

"You deserve nothing less, trust me."

Even when he's unable to catch any glimpse of it, you grin so broadly, feeling touched by his words all over. You're quite the lucky one since it's not really a side he shows to anyone that often, and it radiates warmth; endearing, even.

"You're always the sweetest."

"And so are you, sweetheart."

He asserts tenderly, "That's the least I could do for you. You deserve only the best, and I mean it."

"I'm just glad that you decided to call me, even at this ungodly hour. Even if I'm asleep, just know that I will always try my best to answer."

"I know." You chuckled briefly, before pausing for a bit, contemplating over your next words.

"It's kind of a mess, I just—" Your previous smile drops without a warning, trying your best to remain composed, not wanting to have a sudden mental breakdown on a call with him like this. Why do the emotions have to rush through you like this?

With a quick clear of your throat, you added further. "It makes me confused sometimes, and I just.. Don't know on what to do."

He could notice the hint of shakiness within your voice alone; expression softening ever so slightly yet noticeable— not to anyone but to himself— seemed to understand the internal struggle you're possibly going through at the moment.

"And that's alright. It happens to each of us at times. It's bound to happen in one way or another." Kenji admittedly wasn't really good at giving advice and stuff, but he's willing to try his best to do so, because it's you.

"You don't have to rush things; the world can wait. Sometimes, it's best to let them be, and know that not everything is in our control."

"It's not your fault, if that's what you're wondering."

"I may not get it fully as to what you're thinking and going through right now, but please, remember that you're not alone. You have me."

You allow each of his words to sink in within your mind, making sure to process everything in, and let the deep realization hit you after. You're aware that he's just trying to help you— which you fully appreciated on, and even when it's quite hard to act based on someone's advice at times, you cherish his efforts.

Because no one really did that for you. No one was willing to go that far for you, yet here he is— willing to break through your walls no matter how long it takes and how you've set it up. Taking it slow, he still respected your boundaries despite everything, yet never once gave up on your well-being.

Before you could even give out your own response, his voice came through the phone once more.

"You know what— gimme a few minutes. I'll be there."

Your eyes widened in utter disbelief, like at an ungodly hour like this-?

"Ken, you don't have to do that, it's pretty late."

Despite your attempts of trying to reason with him, it merely falls on deaf ears; rolling his eyes without you knowing. "And you think that's gonna stop me, sweetheart?"

"I'm not gonna let you miss your needed sleep because of your thoughts and inner struggle, okay? And that's final."

Leaving no room for any arguments, he added a few words as his last statement. "I'll be there in a few minutes. Don't fall asleep just yet, love."

You have no choice, but to simply follow along and concede with him, feeling appreciated deep down; unable to suppress the feeling of warmth and solace from resurfacing within you.

@luneariaa. do not repost; reblogs are welcomed. all rights reserved.

[taffywabbit]

idk if i'm way off the mark on this, but the way some people are responding to that Guillermo del Toro interview about the decline of studio animation is a bit frustrating to me. specifically the bit where he talks about "emoji animation" and how everything is over-animated and pushed too far and things are rarely allowed to not be ultra-cartoony (y'know, because animation always needs to be marketable to children who are never trusted to have attention spans, right?). like, i think he's generally correct about it! but some folks are taking the wrong message away from that.

i've seen people going off about how "soulless" and "corporate" various recent examples are, and talking about these pieces of media as though they're the result of some kind of personal failing or lack of skill/range on the part of the animators, and it's just like. do people realize that's the only animation you're usually allowed to DO in the industry, unless you get incredibly lucky and land yourself on a project/studio that's unusually cool?

when i was in college for animation it was literally drilled into us nonstop that everything had to be pushed more, that exaggeration was not a guideline or a sometimes-treat but a hard rule that always had to be applied regardless of what was going on, because the viewer couldn't be trusted to pick up on subtlety and we sure as hell couldn't be trusted to convey it. you ever wonder why there's such a specific vibe to a lot of self-directed student films, particularly ones that are focused on character acting/interaction or deep emotions and introspection (especially when there's minimal/no dialogue)? it's because for a lot of young animators, they haven't had the freedom to experiment with realism and subtlety up to that point and they're likely not going to have it again for a while (or at all, unless their career path leads to higher positions where they might have more creative direction over the things they work on. which also becomes a lot less likely if they're anything other than a cishet white dude, for what it's worth).

i would LOVE to see more nuanced, realistic, understated motion and acting in animation. i WANT more characters to be able to express what they're feeling through natural body language and facial cues and for scenes to allow me to breathe instead of spelling everything out in giant bold flashing text all the time. what del Toro wants to see changed in the animation industry sounds great, and i hope others join him in seeking to revamp what modern animation is allowed to be.

but as things currently stand, and as they've stood for a long while now, most artists doing the grunt work on the shows and movies you see are completely at the mercy of corporations and networks who have a vested interest in producing a very specific kind of marketable and cost-efficient media all the time. (and by extension that style is ALSO what's taught in most animation schools, because their job more than anything is to grind you down into a perfect little sweatshop worker who will bend over backwards to meet quotas and get your work approved and not question the higher-ups, even if you have little to no personal investment in the projects you're working on, so that the studios who employ you can maintain their good reputations or whatever)

anyways idk what my point was here, this really just sorta became a rant and my views have undoubtedly been coloured by my own personal experiences (this kinda shit is largely why i dropped out before my last year of animation school, for the record).

i guess just be kind to folks in the animation industry? they've had it fucking rough nonstop for well over a century (the majority of them are still not unionized and there's HUGE pushback against doing so in many places). i assure you they are doing their best to infuse the latest uninspired illumination flick or weird spinoff kids' show with literally any amount of soul they can. you don't have to like the stuff that gets produced by any means! be a hater! i'm certainly not gonna stop you. just remember where these creative decisions come from and why these conditions exist, and consider that when YOU watched something and thought "hmm that could've been done better", you can bet your ass someone actually working on it probably thought the same thing but couldn't do anything about it. these things WILL change as the industry itself improves, but in the meantime folks have to pay their rent, and that usually means doing what they're told and working in a way that will minimize revisions and meet quotas so they can keep their jobs. it sucks, but it is what it is.

[welldrawnfish]

How do I know if I'm plural?

I recently started talking to myself as like, a way to reassure and encourage myself and stuff. Saying stuff like "you're fine, you didn't do anything wrong" or "Do you want to do X, Y, Z... Z? Alright, let's do Z then." And now I'm not sure if it's just a good coping strategy for me or if I might be plural?

Like I'm not sure sometimes if the person doing the reassuring and the person being reassured are the same person, y'know? And sometimes it feels almost like a kind of dialogue, but other times it just feels like I'm speaking into a void? Are we median? Am I only one gal? Dunno!

And idk what if I'm just trying to like. Appropriate plurality because I think it's neat or something. I know and see a lot of systems and genuinely do think plurality is rly cool so what if I'm just trying to be plural on some level. It always feels kinda deliberate when I talk to myself

Needless to say I am very lost and thinking about it is making my head hurt and my chest tighten. Sorry if this is a bit of a long ask you don't have to respond I'm just trying to find answers however I can

I'm a bit under the weather rn im sorry if this is loopy so I want to make a comic on this eventually, Im just no good at general infographics Plurality is vast, complex, and varied. So its hard to say yes or no based on this But heres the three rules I'll follow looking for plurality without typical DID/OSDD redflags 1. If you have opposing thoughts or morals appear in your thinking process, particularly after a stressful event. 2. If you have names, images, or other things associated with these reassuring voice 3. If people say you have different "modes" or literally say you act like a differnet person sometimes and its confusing. 4. If these voices in your head arent... yours. Its hard to explain, but I feel like those with plurality could explain. --- Ultimately if you want to find out if your plural, 1st.

Be ready if you are scared, might freakout, or are actively angry or upset at these thoughts, understand that if an alter can emerge, they wont if they are under threat. You have to be kind, ready to accept them, and most importantly ready to apologize the them if you were toxic before. They can tell if you are sincere. 2nd.

Look yourself in the mirror, ask to meet anybody in there, tell them Thank you for existing.

3rd.

Imagine yourself a headspace if you don't have one. This is an imaginary world that can be anything you want from vast universes to an empty void. But create a place to meet.

Meditate, create a place to see them, to meet them, to speak with them. Be patient, focus on breathing, focus on visualizing the space. Try to exist solely within that space. Invite them there, they might show 4. Be Ready. Plurality cannot be unseen once you see it, your life will never be the same. And ultimately it could be the best thing ever, but it can be incredibly hard, rocky, and bring up alot of trauma in your life. Be sure you want to explore this and are in a point of your life you are able to handle it.

-- If theres any advice from more educated systems let me know, im not the most educated here, these are just whats worked for me.

[shoverse]

what does love mean to you? — or, a record of lee minho's scattered and scrambled views on affection for oneself and others throughout the years.

🎧 lee minho, aged 7, audio transcript:

love? oh, mommy 'n daddy says that to me loads and loads! 'n mommy writes little notes and sticks them onto my lunchbox! i think i still have mine from today somewhere...here! haha, i always keep the notes mommy writes. i write some back too! err, just so she doesn't get mad if i haven't finished all the beans. well, it doesn't really work........do you know any ways?

🎧 lee minho, aged 13, audio transcript:

um, i think it means when you like someone loads, right? but you can also like them, uh, like-like and not love them...but i don't think i like-like anyone, not really. i love my mom! but it's different, like my friend changbin thinks he might like-like this other person in my class, i think his name is sehyeon? something like that. but there's this new person in my class, and maybe we could like-like each other if they don't already like-like someone else! um, not that i want to or anything. just a thought. yeah.

🎧 lee minho, aged 17, audio transcript:

it's kinda like...when your heart aches more than you'd like to admit, y'know? when you know you'd catch the stars in your bare hands and let them pierce your skin if someone you loved told you they liked how stars shine. oh, fuck, that's embarrassing, don't put that in. no, it's more like when, um, when you feel strongly about someone, and it doesn't have to be in a romantic way. i love my best friend changbin, but even if all the people in the world died and i would get infinite money and unlimited pizza i would not date him. anyway, i think i wanna. fall in love, that is.

🎧 lee minho, aged 20, audio transcript:

well, i met this girl, and i think she is love. um, but in the way that- well, i don't know how to explain it all that well. when something sits in the pit of your stomach but it's not fear and when something's caught in your throat but it's not tears. you get me? um, and i'm realising that it's fast, and i'm trying to keep up but it's just...hard sometimes to get us to work, to get her to listen to my feelings. maybe i feel too much? do you think so? yeah, love is hard work, but i'm holding out hope. what are we without hope?

🎧 lee minho, aged 21, audio transcript:

nothing. nothing at all.

🎧 lee minho, aged 22, audio transcript:

for me? love is my cats, definitely. please pretend i say something wise about eternal companions and hope and stars and puking out words like you'll run out of them if you stop. um, i'm trying to do this- self love? it's hard sometimes. that's all. but i know i have time. i know i'll have until the slow heat death of the universe to figure it out. or until one morning i wake up and i can smile at myself. yeah, life is good though. i think i'll stick to my cats for now. um, my hair was pretty this morning though, i gotta admit.

🎧 lee minho, aged 24, audio transcript:

still my cats, but i've made room for two more people. um, me, first of all. that one was hard, but time passes anyway. i'm still here, you know? and second- no, i couldn't possibly call them second. yeah it's, um, it's y/n. they weren't so hard. really, letting them in was the easiest decision of my life. um, but love is hope. not for a better relationship, but hope in a way where i hope that tomorrow will come. hope in a way that i hope the world is kind to us. anyway, love is slow. i mean, there's no rush. forever still has a long time to go. there is love everywhere, you know? i can feel it. this world is good.

🎧 lee minho, aged 25, audio transcript:

it's always this question, huh? no, i don't mind. anyway, there is so much love to give that i can't possibly tell you everything about love in a lifetime. yeah, love is still in y/n. i think it was always meant to be them, huh? can we believe that the world meant for us to be together? can we hope so? oh, of course we can. yeah, and i think everything happens for a reason. you weren't born as an accident, you know? this is your life and i'm proud that you're living it. oh, no metaphors this year. no, i realized that you can't really explain love in things. you can't really call love anything but love. tomorrow you will wake up and you will see there is so much beauty in life. yeah. see you next year.

📁 a/n; ANDDD SCENE EVERYBODY!!! THATS A WRAP!!! and yall dk how long it took me to find those goddamn aesthetic banners............GOD pinterest hates me i SWEAR. anyway if this flops i am officially Ending It All and Jumping. send tweet!

[katesmemes]

feel free to change any pronouns, etc. || may contain some nsfw!

"I don't think that blush is your shade."

"I'll probably just stay home."

"This is the first critical rager of the year."

"You know what your doctor said."

"You need socialization."

"Why don't you use my tanning bed?"

"You're in need, babe."

"I'm really sorry you got electrocuted."

"Are you hot for anyone?"

"[Name], [Name], [Name], [Name], [Name], [Name], [Name]!"

"I don't know who that is."

"He doesn't play sports; he's cerebral."

"This party is gonna be clutch!"

"These things will turn your feet into hamburger helper."

"It's not haunted, just abandoned. Desecrated."

"Well, I heard [Name(s)] do witchcraft over there."

"I've never seen anybody there."

"I think it's really peaceful and quiet."

"I talk to him sometimes."

"I brought this for you."

"It's kinda morbid when I wear it so I wanted you to have it."

"That's really weird, [Name]."

"I just don't think anyone should be forgotten."

"Y'know, I wasn't gonna say anything, they were such a mess, but you look amazing now!"

"Oh my God, [Name], bag your face!"

"How do you know my name?"

"So what exactly happened to her?"

"I can never ever talk about it, for personal and legal reasons, and i also pinky swore, but I guess I can tell you. I trust you."

"I'd be screwed up if I were her, too."

"Hi, sorry, how do we know each other?"

"You're being so dramatic."

"This is not what I expected from you; you have so much potential."

"Lets find somewhere for you to sit for a bit, yeah?"

"I hate parties like this; I don't even know why I came."

"Your hair feels like easter grass."

"You know it's not nice to lead people on."

"I wish I was with you."

"It's okay; everyone does it."

"You should probably get going."

"Did you smash the mirror in the bathroom?"

"Do you know what happens to people who act out?"

"How about an apology?"

"I feel like I may want to apologize for what happened last night."

"Well, I'm glad you're okay."

"Oh, is there pizza left?"

"I think I'm gonna skip the movie."

"I'm just really tired from work."

"Do you know how hard that is on the groin muscles?"

"It doesn't even hurt anymore."

"Do you like this song?"

"We're better off up here in case anyone comes home."

"I haven't said this many words in a row in forever."

"I hate to say it, but you're either crazy, or just goddamned inconsiderate!"

"You're kind of absurd, aren't you?"

"I really don't get your fixation with that one."

"There are plenty of halfway-dece guys who would date you."

"I wanna help you, I really do, but I dunno how."

"It's a waste of time to try and fix a boy; it's better to just accept a guy's flaws."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"What happened to your neck?"

"You don't want to hold my hand?"

"This whole place gives me the creeps, okay?"

"I thought that was a really cool thing to say."

"Don't feel bad about what we did!"

"You saved me."

"Is that a rad new trend or something?"

"I don't play with dolls anymore."

"I'm sure there's some explanation."

"You know I'm usually pretty cool about things, right?"

"I have a bad feeling about this."

"You have no idea how scary this is."

"I actually feel like something's wrong."

"People are so afraid of death because they dunno when it's gonna happen to them."

"I'm not afraid of death anymore."

"I don't wanna die a virgin."

"I want to do it with someone I truly love."

"You're so supportive."

"I love our conversations."

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude."

"How about I drive since you're not feeling so good?"

"Your boobs look great by the way."

"This is just too freaking much."

"It's your fault we're screwed."

"You act like you're happy for me, and you care about me, but you're not really happy for me."

"You couldn't let me have this one thing?"

"You knew I liked him and you went after him on purpose!"

"I swear, I would never do that to you!"

"Guys usually only want me for one thing."

"It just was never gonna work out between us."

"I don't have feelings for you like that."

"Do you know how uncool that is?!"

"Uh, you're not making any sense."

"Thank you for being nice to me when no one else was."

"You're the type of person who usually bullies me or looks right through me, but you didn't."

"You actually went out of your way to try to tell people I was part of your family."

"You really actually wanted me to be your sister..."

"You're a great person, [Name]."

"Listen, we're running out of time."

"Make love to me."

[interstellarsystem]

Little Plural Things

Systems can present in a lot of different ways. Sometimes, being a system can be loud and obvious if you're naturally more overt and/or out about yourselves as plural. Sometimes, it can be quiet and barely noticeable, but still there--just harder to see. Our system is fairly obvious if we're unmasked, but there are still things that escape even our own knowledge when we're masking as hard as we can. Little things that to us, remind us that our system is undeniably real. This is a post about those experiences we've had with barely-noticeable signs of a system.

Not every system will relate to these experiences, some might feel similarly about a few points, some may have others of their own entirely, some might not know or not have anything like the experiences we mention, and that's all part of being plural. No two systems are mirror images of each other. This is a post about our experiences.

1. Handwriting

Recently, we've had it brought to our attention that we have different handwriting. We don't write with a pen/pencil often, but we were asked to fill out a worksheet for our psychologist recently. She told us that whoever in our system wants to contribute to it can, and suggested that we signify who wrote what in some way--to which we chose different pencil colours for different headmates. We took the worksheet home and put things on it depending on who was in the front and if they wanted to.

It turned out, that some of our writing widely differs from each other. Out of the 6 people who wrote on the sheet, most of them were wildly different. Rift and Martin wrote the most tidily, with Rift's writing looking more "proper" and "adult". I (Vince) apparently am not the best at neat writing but I managed to be better than what our "normal" writing is like from what we remember. Merlin wrote messily like he was writing very fast. Mystery wrote with very large letters with sharp angles that overall made it look like it was written by a child new to writing. Which makes absolute sense. It's not a child, but its hands in-headspace are bigger than ours and that was the actual first time it had written anything on paper since it got here.

Somehow, it took until our psychologist pointed it out for us to notice how different it was.

2. Vocabulary Choices

Something we are able to notice sometimes is how our vocabulary and sometimes sentence structure changes based on who is speaking. Some obvious examples are our British headmates substituting "bloody" for other words as an exclamation and the difference between what some of our headmates would call a "chip" or a "fry".

Other times though, it's more subtle. Sometimes there's certain phrases that will just have a word or two swapped out and it does tend to point toward who is fronting even if people do use multiple of these. Some examples are:

"I suppose" vs "I think" vs "I believe"

"Kinda" vs "Kind of" vs "Sort of" vs "Sorta"

"Recently" vs "A bit ago"

"Sleepy" vs "Tired"

"Lol" vs "Haha" vs "Lmao" vs a keysmash (Even though these are text-based they are quite telling.)

"Quite" vs "Very" (Speaking of the above.)

Getting more subtle with them, some other examples are:

"You know" vs "Y'know"

"Uh" vs "Um"

"Uh-Huh" vs "Mhm"

Sometimes typing is influenced too. The amount of em-dahses within the text, the consistency of proper punctuation, how mechanical the text feels, how many run-on sentences there are and even how much tends to be written in one message/post can all point toward different people being in control.

3. Accidental Accents and Inflections

While accents are usually very obvious, we're generally good at masking them. Generally.

Due to us living in Australia, our headmates with accents straight from London don't stick out too bad when they're struggling to mask, but they are still noticeable to those around us who know we're plural. Passerby on the street or people who don't see us often don't think much of it, but certain people we are close to know that a few people in our system find it harder to mask and can tell when they're fronting very easily because of it.

Even if we are masking our accents properly, some parts of the way we speak still come out. Some of us end sentences on a higher-pitch more often due to what our accent generally has us do and some end more on lower-pitch notes when speaking. Some of us put emphasis on certain syllables differently. There's lots of little things that go into language that make it hard to completely mask.

4. Food Choices

More of a noticeable one, but something we tend to brush off as "just a bad batch" when it happens. Some of us like and dislike different foods and drinks, some of us to an extreme degree.

Mystery hates the brand of juice we normally buy and thought that it might've just been past expiry (it was not) or just a bad batch of the juice, but they're consistently the only one who doesn't like it.

Rave likes spicy food much more than the rest of us because they have a harder time tasting it. I on the other hand can't handle spicy food at all and am worse with it than the others in my system.

Some of us favour different brands of food and some of us might like/dislike textures of food differently too.

5. Default Facial Expressions

Different resting facial expressions are something we hardly notice because we don't look in a mirror often due to dysphoria. What we do know though, is that some of us just rest our faces differently.

I look more stern and tired than others. I have a bit of an angrier resting expression.

Martin looks a little bit more anxious due to being an anxiety-holder, but he also looks softer and kinder.

Crowley also looks tired but has less of a stern look and more of an almost blank one.

6. Body Language

This is one we don't know too much about because we can only get knowledge on this from other people, but most of our headmates have a different "vibe" by the way they carry themselves.

I end up seeming to-the-point and business-like.

Martin reads as being very anxious even if he's not always.

Crowley reads as smug.

Mal reads as if he's planning something mischevious and silly.

We've been told that Filigree just reads as "gay".

We're not sure what actions make us seem this way, but some of us can be clocked by others around us as fronting without even talking first. I don't know how people do it, but it's something in our body language.

7. Clothing Choices

A few of us have different clothing choices--Crowley still wears sunglasses everywhere due to light sensitivity and wears dark colours, I prefer to wear button-up shirts as opposed to more casual things, Martin prefers hoodies that are lighter in colour and Merlin prefers to dress in pink and black and more fluffy textures.

We don't have too many clothes overall so to others it does just look like we're cycling through our wardrobe, and sometimes we are, but there's certain styles some of us tend to lean toward more than others.

---

Some of these might seem quite noticeable, and maybe they are if you know we're a system, but people change a lot so once again some of this is much more subtle than it sounds. People who don't know that you're a system hardly ever notice, and if they do they put it to "having an off day" and leave it at that.

We wanted to take some time to appreciate those little things we find it hard to notice, though. And maybe it'll end up helping some other system realise how unique they are as individuals and help fight off the imposter syndrome like these realisations did for us.

[roxy-writes]

the comment i'm replying to: please consider a cool college au dabi who hates his dad but still spends his old mans money. he's a good boyfriend, very low key and yet he manages to garner plenty of female attention, mostly superficially but abundant none the less. reader has to deals with glances, whispers and jabs about shade regarding being partners with dabi. a non conventionally attractive reader (I'm chubby but this could be anything you want) once he finds out some intense body worship 🥺🥺

FIRST OF ALL OMG I LOVE THIS. i haven't written anything with chubby!reader in a while so i'm very excited. i hope you like this!

warnings: chubby!reader, ppl making negative comments about reader's body, body worship, facesitting, not proofread

you were always aware of the attention that dabi attracted. you know he's good looking, and so does everyone else. this could be...disheartening for you at times. attending the same college as him made you ever more conscious of just what kind of attention followed him. the kind that made you feel sort of sick to your stomach at the thought of how much prettier the people that attempted flirting with him were than you. you try not to let the whispers and scowls thrown your way get to you.

dabi also always made his attraction towards you clear. whether it be a hand set on your waist or lower back when you're out, or, in more private settings, eagerly groping at your chest and ass. this was sometimes inconvenient. it only seemed to make people stare at you harder whenever he'd attempt the slightest bit of PDA. he notices how your behavior seems to change when people see you in public, and he immediately assumes the worst. that you didn't like him, or want to be with him.

so he tries to fix it. using his father's credit card of course, he'd take you out shopping to buy whatever you like, take you out on fancy dates, whatever. when this doesn't work, he begins seeing the problem for what it really was. he finally started noticing how people behaved towards you, acting like you weren't even there, coming up and flirting with him like you were nothing.

he confronted you about it in his room one night. asking why you didn't tell him how you felt, begging you for answers. you don't know why, you say, you didn't know if he would understand.

"fuck, why the hell would you think that?"

"'cause y'know, there are all these people that make comments about me when we're seen together. it's never you they're talking about."

he closes the distance between you to wrap his arms around you.

"i'm sorry. i'll tell all of them to fuck off. you don't deserve anyone's shit," although vulgar, dabi's words are comforting, and you wrap your arms around him as well. you bury your face in his neck and he pulls you closer in response. but after a few seconds he pulls back and presses his lips to yours the same way he always did. gentle but rough at the same time.

you almost feel bad for being kinda horny during a sweet moment like this. not like you can help it. and based on the slight bulge you feel pressing against your thigh, neither can he. "heh, sorry babe. i think i've got a big problem," he whispers sultrily in your ear.

"i can help you fix it, if you want," you say, and he couldn't have been more eager. your clothes were pulled off of you as he lowers you onto his bed.

"pretty," he mumbled softly as his eyes rake over your body. and in that moment, you felt pretty. he makes you feel pretty. his hands settle on your shoulders, slip down your chest and stomach until they're right where you need him.

his thumb presses your clit and rubs the bundle of nerves, causing you to jump slightly. he looks so turned on right then, you can see it in his face. and he can see the arousal in your face when he pulls you up towards him as he lays on the bed. all he seems to want is for you to ride his face as hard as you can, and why not give the boy what he wants?

"just, tap my thigh if you can't breathe." you tell him.

he plants both his hands on either one of your thighs and shoves his face into your pussy. you squeak at the sudden stimulation and unconsciously grind on his face. he moans and his eyes flit up and down your body, gaze landing on your chest. he watches it bounce as you squirm, his nose swiping your clit messily. you can feel his hot, wispy breath on your skin.

he's pressing you harder into him, getting his tongue deeper in you, his hips bucking into nothing. you start to get a little wobbly from the pleasure, so his hands lock onto you and his fingers dig into the fat of your hips that you hated until you realized how much he loved it.

you cum with a cry as he buries his face into your aching pussy. he lets you hump his face to drain every last bit of pleasure from your orgasm. you wait till the aftershocks wear off before lifting off him. "want me to return the favor?" you ask, but he shakes his head no. you're still sensitive and twitchy from cumming, and he gently massages your thighs to relax you.

one hand wraps around his cock to line himself up with your hole, and the other slithers up to your face to tilt your chin so you look directly at his face. "jus' focus on my face baby," he whispers, trying to distract you from the pain of the stretch when his tip breaches your entrance.

he fucks you like the world is ending tomorrow. fucks you like you're the only girl in the universe. he can't even think about himself when he's got you moaning on his dick and you look so good. his cock rubs against your g-spot and you see stars.

you cum before he does, and you swear he's pulling an even more lewd face than you are. he's so close, so fucking close, and what finally pushes him over the edge is the cry of his name you let out once the pleasure gets to be too much. he cums so hard he whimpers a little bit.

you think it's so cute the way he can't help but curl into himself at how good the couple seconds of pleasure feel. you both wish the feeling didn't end so quickly. he slowly pulls out. you bask in the afterglow for a while, dabi's body cuddled up next to you. you feel so much better. you know he'd never cheat on you, know he'd never hurt you or your feelings, know he's good for you. all it really took was realizing you were the hottest girl ever in his eyes.

[words-of-wolf]

Having some Thoughts once more.

Specifically thinking about self-policing identity. Obviously policing others is a huge issue in the alterhuman and adjacent communities, but setting up my soap box here to talk about how we internalise the need to police identity.

Putting a cut here because god do I need to stop writing these walls of text that people then have to scroll past for eternity even if they're not interested in reading it asjdkhjksah !!

When I was a teen, I saw otherkin and therians self-policing and I respected them. I thought they were really strong for doing that; I thought it was necessary, and that the only way we could ever be accepted as a community is if we leaned hard into minimising our experiences, making things "palatable". It wasn't a conscious belief, but it was very present.

So that's what I emulated. Any discussion of my experiences, or my feelings, usually would get a lot of reassurances sprinkled in there: "this is just my beliefs", "it's okay if you don't believe this too", "I know this sounds far-fetched", "this is just my internal identity".

I thought that made me sound reasonable and respectable. Maybe it even did.

But nowadays, I see people doing this kind of thing - minimising their experiences, adding disclaimers, policing themselves - and mostly it just makes me feel sad for them. Not in a condescending way, cause I've been there, I know how it feels to believe you've gotta make yourself sound "reasonable" to be respected. But I don't feel respect for that attitude, it just makes me sad.

And now, I'm here growing into a version of myself where I finally start to feel like I'm an adult, and I finally start to feel like I'm myself in a way unhindered by that constant fear and self-regulation, and I can see plain as day how much the self-policing doesn't actually work.

Cause you could present the weirdest, most outlandish identity possible to someone, but if you don't make a big deal out of it they probably won't either. Casual but unapologetic is, I think, the best way to go. You don't always have to hide yourself. (Obviously, take time to judge your situation first, but, same goes for most things outside of "the norm").

But presenting yourself as some vulnerable thing who has to placate any aggression before it even happens - well, that just makes people uncomfortable, and the mean ones will single you out as a target for it more than they'd do with someone who's just kinda "whatever" about the whole situation.

And the same thing goes for if you have an identity that feels weird by alterhuman standards, y'know? Chill but unapologetic will get you far. You'll feel more comfortable in yourself, too. Cause when everything you say is minimised, you can start to internalise that too - and it can make you feel like embracing your identity wholeheartedly is a bad thing, or like your own perception of self should have the same uncertainty to it that your descriptions of it do.

I think... the desire and impulse to self-police and minimise is not something you can just "switch off". But I hope reading this can get the ball rolling for those of you out there who struggle with this in the same way I did!

You don't need to police yourself. You don't need to censor yourself.

Doing this doesn't help the community, and it doesn't increase our standing and validity in the eyes of people on the outside. At best, it does nothing; at worst, it makes us seem uncertain, nervous, and an easy target.

And doing this hurts yourself. It affects things in ways that are hard to even see, but take it from someone who's experienced it: these feelings can pierce so, so deep.

You don't need to apologise for who you are. I don't care how "weird" your identity or experiences are - it's you, it's who you are, nobody can touch that. And if you're genuine about it, people will accept you for it, and sometimes gravitate towards you, even; particularly the others who feel the same way, who are the "weird ones" among the weirdos.

Cause when you're unapologetic, when you're genuine in a way that's not flavoured by fear, you kinda... become a safe space. You create an atmosphere around you that gives other people permission to do the same. To just be themselves, without the uncertainty and fear.

And that's really special! It's important.

[aingeal98]

Y'know this is a really broad question and (since I know you're more of a Cass/stephcass kinda person) potentially out of your wheelhouse but I enjoy your perspective on lots of Steph related matters, so indulge me if you will: any thoughts on the argument that timsteph is/isn't 'unhealthy' and/or the characters are unfair to each other/bad partners?

Lots of qualifying clauses in that question, I know, but it's interesting to me because I usually see a lot of staunch arguments that either timsteph is completely/irreparably unhealthy (usually with one half as more of a 'perpetrator' in the eyes of fans) OR that timsteph is exclusively a great romance and that their various ups and downs are either inconsequential or the result of OOC writing.

I think the question is mostly interesting to me bc I see both sides of the argument and to me it raises questions about when things cross the line from "a fictional relationship we're meant to root for that simply contains elements of heightened drama which would be considered unhealthy IRL due to it's fictional nature which we're meant to excuse/suspend disbelief for" to "a fictional reflection of unhealthy dynamics".

This is a lot of yap on my part so again, no hard feelings if you decide to pass up tackling it.

Really good question that I had to think hard about. Ultimately the answer depends on if you mean they're unhealthy in universe vs out of universe, Watsonian vs Doyalist. I'm going to stick to pre N52 only as I think from N52 onwards they were... Fine? But kind of bland. The writers had erased all of Steph's backstory anyway so they had none of their history and were just kind of... Normal dating. But pre N52 in the 90s and 00s is where the unhealthiness is at its peak so that's where most of the discourse comes from.

So in universe I think both of them make mistakes and have certain attitudes and behaviours that could be deal breakers for some people, ie Tim's cheating and how he follows Bruce's footsteps dismissing Steph, and how Steph will sometimes overstep some boundaries because Dixon wanted to write the spunky bad girl pursuing the sensible chaste guy. But ultimately in universe there's nothing so bad that I'd write their entire relationship off as unhealthy, at least not before War Games. They had good moments and bad, and whether you think the good outweighed the bad or vice versa really comes down to what you personally can forgive and understand in a relationship and what you enjoy seeing in fictional romances. So Tim's cheating was an immediate red line for me even though I never thought him evil for it, just kind of dumb. And I'd understand if people still shipped them and thought them sweet despite that. So like, they have their unhealthy moments but I'd be wary of going to either extreme aka "Toxic and evil" or "perfect soulmates who's mistakes were ooc"

This is their pre war games versions I'm referring to. After War Games when Steph came back the writer for Robin basically used her as a tool to give Tim angst and show how cool he was. It's the worst Steph's ever been to Tim but it was also so poorly written and clearly biased thay even from an in universe perspective I can't take it seriously. Everything pre war games I wouldn't count as ooc but this... Yeah this deserves the extreme. It's not even "She wouldn't do that." it's more "Why are you not showing us why she's doing this. How am I meant to accept this when her motivations and characterization is so poorly written." It's like a lesser version of when writers lazily butcher Talia to benefit Bruce or Damian. There's no explanation or motivation for Steph's actions that make any sense, so I have zero interest in that version of Steph because she's even more of a prop for Tim than she was during war games, which was an incredibly disappointing way to bring her back and one of the reasons I'm very glad she got her own batgirl run.

Which brings me to out of universe. Because while in universe I'd hesitate to slap the unhealthy label on them the way I would on say, versions of Bruce that hit his kids (I think there is a big difference between the unhealthiness of timsteph and the writing of Batman as an abusive father, and I think Bruce's dynamic with his kids crossed the line from dramatic to unacceptable and toxic a lot more frequently and more extremely than timsteph did) out of universe looking at them from a perspective of how it benefits their characters I would say it's super unhealthy for Steph. Which is ironic because her romance with Tim and her featuring in his comics is how she became a constant character, but the writing is always trying to remind us that Tim is better than Steph, more heroic than Steph, more suitable for this life than Steph. Only the writing is so bad that, like with a lot of Tim's writing, the proof comes down to "Because Batman said so idk."

And that culminates in the failure that is War Games. Steph becoming Robin is all about getting Tim back. Both in universe as Bruce's motivation and in reality as the writers plan. While Steph is being tortured horribly Tim is helping is classmates as a civilian, and the writing hammers us over the head about how capable and competent and perfect Tim is to the point that I felt nauseous reading it because it felt like such a disgusting way to uplift him. And then when Steph comes back, she's not allowed have any actual emotions or feelings about what happened to her. The writers just throw her into a dumb Tim and Bruce plot without any care about how she would actually think and feel, and the same happens in Red Robin. It's all Tim Tim Tim and only her Batgirl series and her reaction to Bruce being alive actually allow her to be shown as a person and not just a prop to uplift Tim.

So basically in universe they're not my cup of tea but they're not like, abusive or anything. They're just shitty to each other sometimes, but they love each other and have their good moments pre war games. From a Doylist perspective though? I've yet to see timsteph written in a way that actually uplifts Steph's character, as even when she's written by someone who likes her and wants to keep her around such as Dixon there's just so much misogyny in how their dynamic is written. So I'm hoping they never get back together and just stay exes with a past so painful and complicated they don't want to talk about it with anyone, but especially not each other.

Thanks for the ask! I hope this made sense lmao I rambled a whole lot

[inbarfink]

Sometimes when fandom discussions come up about how to make the ending of ‘Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog’ less… y'know, treating Penny as an object that Dr. Horrible is punished by losing and not as an actual person with her own emotional arc, a common solution that comes up is that the story should end with Penny becoming LA’s newest superhero and Dr. Horrible’s new nemesis.

And… I do see the internal logic in this. That sort of ending does retain the tragedy of Billy ‘losing’ Penny (and I do think that DHSAB, unless you wanna change it much much more radically than mostly just making it less shit to Penny, should be a tragedy) but without ‘punishing’ Penny purely as a proxy for punishing Billy. And in a way that gives Penny way more agency, and gives more space to condemn Billy for the way he treated her throughout the narrative. 

Plus, both DHSAB itself and other canon material constantly reinforce that Penny is the kindest and most altruistic person in the entire cast. And her hinted backstory of being inspired to do activist work as a way of coping with her parents’ death

calls to mind the backstories of many famous superheroes.

The main narrative of her prequel comic is basically about how hard it is to be altruistic as she is, and how it kinda stops her from having a normal life - including a normal dating life. Both in the ‘oh, I’m just too busy for that kind of stuff’ sense

And in the ‘my sense of duty interferes with my ability to have a Normal DateTM’. Which are also very familiar Superhero Struggles. Only that instead of something like ‘oh no, I accidentally stood up Mary Jane because Dr. Octopus is attacking the city and I must stop him!’, it’s ‘oh no, I’m a buzzkill on dates because I only wanna talk about Big Depressing Social Justice Issues.’

So all of this put together, I can understand why some people see Penny turning into a Superhero by the end of the story to be a logical end of her narrative arc. She’s always been the best and most moral person in the cast, and now she can prove that she’s the real hero!

Except… within the logic of DHSAB, Penny is kinda… too good to be a Superhero. Because superheroes in the Horribleverse are good for fighting superpowered bad guys and upholding the status quo and maybe giving an inspirational speech or too - but they can’t actually solve the big societal problems that Penny is working so hard to change, as she herself directly states.

The whole point of the parallels between Penny’s life and more typical superhero narratives is that Penny is already a ‘real hero’. Penny’s activism is the real kind of heroism, with all the self-sacrifice and dedication and kindness that it requires - and the one that can really save the lives of people, even when they’re not almost stepped on by giant robots. Superheroes can talk big game about justice and goodness, but they’re not really changing the system as it is and if anything they only reinforce it. Villains (or at least well-intentioned villains like Dr. Horrible) can talk big game about changing the world, but at the end of the day, they are still fueled by resentment and self-profit more than anything. 

And those are the big flashy guys who capture the public attention for good or for ill, while the people making real positive changes in the world just get overlooked and dismissed and ignored and shoved to the side. 

That’s the kind of superhero world DHSAB exists in, and that’s kinda dour and cynical but… I don’t think that’s inherently a bad thing - narratively speaking. And I don’t think that Penny gaining superpowers and dedicating her life to punching Dr. Horrible in the face is really a culmination of her life of activism. If anything, it kinda goes against it? Like, even if you do, like, “oh and also Penny finds a way to do a Superhero and Punch Dr. Horrible in the Face while also being an actual activist who’s doing positive change in the world!”I feel like this still kinda weakens the message about the importance of the kind of boring, unglamorous and very realistic work Penny was doing as a ‘civilian’. 

But… I also don’t think that necessarily makes ‘Superhero Penny’ a bad choice for an ending. Because ‘Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog’ is still a Tragedy, after all. I think Penny becoming a Superhero can really work for the ending, if you emphasize the idea that becoming a ‘True Hero’ is as much of a tragedy for Penny as becoming a ‘True Villain’ was a tragedy for Billy.

Like, you know, Billy got to defeat Captain Hammer and he gained the respect he always felt he deserved and money and fame… but he lost the emotional connection he had with Penny, which is the thing that could've actually made him happy. Penny finally gets respect and attention and gets people to actually listen to her… but by giving up on her ordinary activism work - whatever it’s because of societal pressures to do Superhero Stuff now that she has superpowers, or because she feels a duty to stop Dr. Horrible specifically, or because she’s just really really pissed at Billy, or because she has lost her faith in the ability of the common man to effect change after the “Everyone’s a Hero” debacle or… any combination of the above - she has actually given up her original strong ideals and the hope of actually doing good in the world.

Maybe for extra symbolism, a fight between Super Penny (Working Title) and Dr. Horrible ends up destroying the Caring Hands shelter Regular Penny worked so hard to secure - just to really drive the point home. 

Super Penny (Working Title) can absolutely work as an alternative DHSAB Ending that gives her more agency and more consideration for her character, but… as part of this consideration for Penny’s character, you need to also understand that Penny becoming a superhero is her getting Everything She Ever…

[heretopasstime]

Mx. Perfect -- Again!

Just feeling a bit heated at the moment, and not the angry kinda way. Mx. Perfect,,, mmm… [Btw, i switch pronouns for em because… why not?] Credit: @cafekitsune-- MDNI line break @cherishh04 - GIF Tags: yandere, weirdo, smut..?, overbearing behavior?

".. I'm not so perfect, I swear... not as much as you.."

Just so desperate for validation and approval.. Perfect in all things again and again, on the star track of being valedictorian for his graduating batch.

It's no wonder this type of man needs some relieving pressure, am i right? And wouldn't it be so fun if that euphoric relief he is so chasing after is you?

Just imagine…

Org work is starting to get to him, all this coordinating… organizing and overall just dealing with all these people who cant simply comprehend or grasp what he's telling them to do. And he has to deal with it all, with a simple pretty smile.

He sometimes thinks to himself, why cant life be as simple and pretty as it is to tell a simple white lie.

Till he realizes it can be!

---

It can be when his brain is reduced to mushed, his senses overloaded with the sensitivity coming from his skin is slapping against yours.

This can be thought in two ways, all so perfectly simple just as he wants.

You riding her till dawn, your insides squeezing and squelching so perfectly around her as she lays there bound to the bed. Your hushed words of affirmation and degradation in her ear as you remind her of how amazing it is to feel so consumed by raw fevour and emotion. Her lip is practically bleeding, as she bites on it too hard. She's absolutely already lost herself, falling into the place of no return the faster you raise and drop onto her lap again and again. Her nails are digging so deeply into your sweaty skin leaving marks, its all to much and she cant help but roll her eyes back.

Oh gosh, she cant even to think of anything more perfect then this.. Then you… How dare she even think he could be called Mx. Perfect when a being like you is so kind enough to take pleasure in her..

"Mmh~,, aHh.. ~ Y/N~.." Her angelic voice adding to the lewd sounds filling the room, with absolutely no shame. Poor baby cant even begin to imagine how to control how she feels anymore, when all she can keep her mind on is how perfect everything is… With you..

--

Then there's where he's y'know…

His pretty face muffled and shoved into the covers of the bed as he's bent and fucked over by this absolute diety-like being in his eyes. Drool leaking out from his bruised pinky lips, as he whines so exaggerated it felt almost fake. Tears falling from the corners of his heterochromatic eyes, it's all to much but so little at the same time. His legs are basically buckling beneath him as you continously pound into him, ass up, backside with no mercy. All he can hear from you are grunts, and swears under your breath, and he's hyperfixiating on every part of it. Every breath you take, even as his head is shoved into the crevice of the sheets, he cant help ut feel as if this is his reward for being so good. That you are his heavenly gift bestowed upon hiim, so evident now as you are helping him see the stars and reach heaven.

(He's really that dramatic about just getting railed, like such a fucking weirdo. <3 )

--

Either way, both ways he's never letting you leave. He just wants to be by you like a good dog, but due to how things are he presents more as like a reluctant kitty.

But its all okay, even if you dont have a choice in the matter.

You can use him all you want, take advantage of him however you like!

Just remember, when you both are all fucked out lying on the covers… And his words seems a bit too… serious.. Keep in mind, that's just the bottom of his heart finally speaking out.

"... We're together,,, forever...~ "

[byfulcrums]

So my mom knows a lot of (kinda random) stuff and sometimes she'll share it with me. And the other day she talked about the Ying and Yang thingy and it got me thinking

This thing

Is about order and chaos. It's about what you know and what you don't; the day and the night. It's not meant to represent evil vs good

Now why am I bringing this up? Because MK is supposed to be the Harbinger of Chaos. See where I'm going?

Chaos is not seen as an evil thing; or not always, at least. Chaos is just... the lack of order. What the Ying and Yang is supposed to represent is balance. There can't be too much chaos, yes, but there also can't be too much order

Qi Xiaotian may be the Harbinger of Chaos, but this only means that he plays a greater part on keeping the balance, well, balanced. He isn't order, and that's good

This can also be seen in his chaotic personality. He's loud and has a hard time listening to other people; he has broken stuff multiple times and pranked people with Mei. Her and MK have always been described as a 'chaotic duo'. Chaos is just part of who MK is! And that's not a bad thing!!

Now that just leaves the question: who is order? Who represents it? Who is the Yang to his Yin?

The main villain we've had so far (LBD, Azure) could be representing order. The Lady Bone Demon wanted a perfect world, a world where there was no chaos; the world she wanted, one she could rule. Azure Lion wanted to overthrow the Jade Emperor to become emperor himself (also, wow, parallels) and keep the peace while also being just and fair to everyone. But I don't really feel like that's enough, y'know?

None of the characters we've seen so far represent order the way MK represents chaos. My first thought was "Mei could be order!" to have some kind of "sun and moon" tragic duo, but it's not very good because Mei is also very chaotic (order is not what you think when you first look at her. Chaos, or chaotic, is what MK reminds people of)

Maybe Bai He? But we haven't seen much of her yet. I would like to have her and MK as a fun duo though. And with the order comparisons w LBD and Bai He having been possessed by her... yeah I think that'd be some good material for a very angsty episode/season

So! The conclusion! MK being the Harbinger of Chaos is not a bad thing and he is literally just helping keep the balance

[daistea]

(I'm still on the chair on your lawn or whatever. But I have a beer now and maybe a cigarette (I don't smoke, though)).

Y'know, it's kinda weird because this is maybe the most I've felt connected to a character, so when I see these wrong-bad takes on him, it's oddly like... This doesn't upset me. Yet, anyway. Like. I guess eventually one could? (I take a drag of the cigarette and cough terribly. I drink the beer and make it worse, momentarily, and then continue like nothing happened). There could always just be a shitty take that's like, "Man, what the fuck". But it's just mostly felt like, "Yeah, they don't know him like I do." It's weird how secure the source material makes me feel about it all, too. It treats him with such respect and clearly sees him as key to it despite the way his own feelings can be portrayed. It's just like. Yeah. Infantilization. It happens. Sometimes people call him dumb and I don't feel the love in it. And it's like, well, that's miserable, but it's very obvious when the interpretation is wrong. This isn't a person who really knows anything about the character in terms of his condition or anything. It's just got me raising my eyebrows and looking at them strangely. Feels oddly secure. Always feels secure when I like some guy, but sometimes the takes on other characters bother me because I feel like "This is coming from inside the house". I just don't feel that, here. Like. Ah, whatever, you like him. But? Does He Know? You know. (I laugh a little and lean back in my plastic lawn chair. It looks perhaps like it might fall over). Like this is strange. This is weird. I don't feel like they know. There are people who call him a dying dog. They've said he's prettier before the demon, anyway. And that's just tasteless stuff. This can't be coming from someone who actually likes the guy, right? (I sit upright again and cross my legs.) It's. Weird. Like, this is self-shipping, I guess? That I'm doing over here. Maybe I feel more open about it. His attitude canonically helps me. Feels... Secure. It's comforting by nature of being very similar. Where usually things that would annoy me just... exist. Though it is astounding when someone calls him ugly. But I see them and it's just. Easy to realize. Like, God. You don't know anything, do you? (I lean forward to put the beer on the ground and sigh, resting my elbow on my knees, my chin on my palm, seeming far off). It doesn't seem like people get it, not outside of these little insular corners. I don't really know why it doesn't bother me as much. It doesn't feel like they care. It doesn't feel like it matters. Oddly enough. I can't really figure it out.

God. (I pick up my drink and shake my head, righting myself to take a sip). I don't know. I had. Honestly, kind of a horrible day yesterday. Sometimes, it's hard not to care. And to feel secure. But here, it's like...? I don't know. I know my thoughts. I know how I feel. I know why I like him. I know what I want. And the character of Mithrun makes things just feel inherently clearer. Simpler, for me. Because of autism and ADHD and disability. They don't know what it's like, I think. And it ends up being okay if people don't know. But I don't even register it. Don't really respect it. And there are several people who do know. So does it matter if a few more are wrong?

I don't know, I guess. I don't really even feel like a whole person right now. I kind of got burnt out and I thought it'd go away if I slept. And I was so exhausted, anyway. But it just. Ugh. (I kick out my leg, aggressively fidgeting, and the flimsy chair falls. I use it as an excuse to stare up at the sky). Rough.

Of course, this is all somewhat relevant to me. My day. You know, someone called him cruel for how he treated Thistle, the way he talked to him, what he said, and I couldn't even see it until I re-read. I like to think I'm realistic, but? That registered to me as him trying to help. And I still see it. Maybe he was trying to hurt, too. Maybe he's all tied up not knowing what he wants. Feelings he can't quite feel. But I see the scrambling and the struggling. Self-sabotage. It's like. You can't help yourself. It's the art exhibition of the robot in a glass box, always cleaning and always bleeding. Like sometimes you're a knife but sometimes you're the open wound. I'm. I feel like. Sometimes I can't help myself. No matter how hard I try. I see that there. And I see the trying, the need for control, the wanting. Always because you want to. Gotta be that way. Sometimes it feels like I understand too much because of my life...

Love the guy. But it can hurt to look at him.

how long have you been on my lawn? It’s hot outside. Do you want to come inside the house?

Anyway

Yeah

I agree with everything so this gets a big Yeah

I get annoyed at the fandom because I’m a dick, but I also understand that that’s the nature of fandom. In the end I just block and mute very freely ⛓️‍💥

I hope you’re doing better today, I’m always here if you need to talk 💕

[bloom-ribbon22]

Bloom's Dinotrux HUMAN AU infodump: D-Bros + Skrap-itt

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I know I already posted them but I still wanna put em here + front facing D-Structs(unrelated note: don't usually do front faces much, I have tried it probably two times and it either ends up looking weird or just not right but I do like how it turned out this time! hmm maybe I should do more characters front facing).

anyways, I've always wanted to infodump share some bits of lore, facts, info, and other stuff of my human AU version of the Dinotrux and I kind of started with the D-bros + Skrap-itt, why? ngl they're one of the most interesting characters to me. soooooo here you go :)

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D-Stroy:

-when D-Structs was born, D-Stroy looked at his parents while pointing at his new baby sibling and asked "mom, dad.... why does he look so ugly?"

-a very mischievous kid back then. he was the ultimate pranker. he pranks a lotta people that he almost lost count of them but his favourite pranking victim is you guessed it! ya boi D-Structs! oh poor poor young, bratty, selfish D-Structs... always having silly stuff drawn on his face when he was asleep and almost getting scared to death everytime his brother just jumpscares him...I'd list more but this is getting way too long lol.

-hair is l o n g and messy af. you can probably store/hide items in there idk.

-has a high tolerance for spicy food and also enjoys eating it.

-even as a kid, he always gets into fights and still does which results to him always receiving new scars/injuries. almost never minds it because with all honesty he doesn't really give a shit what he looks like. even though he is incredibly strong, he knows his limits and also knows he isn't invincible or indestructible so he tries his best not to overestimate his strength and avoid battles if he knows he can't win it.

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D-Structs:

-was already a selfish guy when he was a bratty little kid and a bit of a snitch too. when he was five and D-Stroy would do something to him, even something that's completely harmless like slightly nudging his arm this left D-Structs no choice but to use a move that every older sibling fears "MAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

-heavily dislikes the taste of sweets. can't really handle it, the taste of sugar and the feeling of it melting into his tongue is just....sickening, maybe even irritating...in fact, it's unbearable....

-similarly to D-Stroy, he often gotten to a lotta fight even as a kid and still does which ends up getting himself new scars/injuries. most of these fights are pretty much his fault as most of the time he's the one that's starting/asking for it.

-"I'd rather live my life all alone until I die" that's what he thought to himself until Skrap-itt came to his life. story between them was kinda similar to the canon. it was so hard for him to tolerate this talkative and dumb lil pipsqueak but as time goes on he kind of started to get used to his company that it feels oddly weird whenever he's alone... sometimes...after all, Skrap-itt was the only one that gives a fuck about him...

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Skrap-itt:

-short king. you can kick him like he's a football or better yet, pick him up like he's some kind of cat and maybe even put him in a box, seal it shut, and deliver it to any random person. "your order is here"

-a cat person. he understands them, he knows they're not just annoying animals always whining for food 24/7, they are loving and caring too! they're not just, y'know, not that playful...at least..most of the time...he would adopt a cat but sadly D-Structs not really a big fan of pets in his home.

-was the weird lonely kid who often gets picked on a lot and many avoided him because, again, a weirdo and thus lived a pretty lonely life. Smash-itt, Break-itt and Lloyd are often the ones picking on him which would explain why Skrap-itt is so bitter to them when he meets them again, worse part is that D-Structs, though completely unaware of their history, """hired""" them.

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that's all for now, there will be plenty more(and I may add more stuff) and of course I'll make some for Ty and the gang :) fun but not needed fact: I started to type all of this with 11 percent battery and now it's 7 percent....dang

anyways I'm coming back to school at January 3 and I'm scared af sidbdiebsisbisbsisjd-

[eisforeidolon]

Hey there, I hope you don't mind me dropping in here on a topic from a few days ago and harping on about it (I'm not very well-versed on ask boxes so I'm a bit unsure of the etiquette. If I commit a major faux-pas, forgive me). Apologies if this ends up a little long and a lot sarcastic - I have opinions about this. It's given me a fair bit of grief over the years.

Y'know, I see these 'abusive Dean' takes float across my dash a fair bit (apparently not being into Destiel or Wincest means I must be a Bitter Sam-girl instead and hate Dean, according to Tumblr). The oh-so-delightful 'abusive husband Dean and beaten wife Sam' takes. People calling Sam 'beaten wife coded' in general. One based on a grand total of two instances where he flinched cause Dean made a loud violent noise near him (who the hell wouldn't, you don't need to be 'beaten wife coded' to flinch when someone chucks a chair at a wall, it's almost like Sam has some kind of trauma about various other things and might be generally jumpy...). Or taking the end of S10 out of context and choosing to forget that Dean was nearly fully taken over by a mark of fratricide (which he still managed to overcome, they conveniently fail to mention that). And I just... ugh.

What I never understood about these takes is like... why? There's trying to paint your fave in a good light and a character you hate in a bad one, but then there's making the heart and soul of the show itself into something so ugly it ruins it for other people, like your Anon, and honestly this happened to me too a while ago before I forced myself to stop listening to the greater fandom and find a few I trusted (like you). Even still, it gets all up in my head sometimes. Why are these people finding such glee in making the central relationship so awful? What are you getting out of this show if you think that about it?

Like, imagine looking at the finale through this lens. Congratulations, you turned something sad but ultimately bittersweet into something horrible, the 'beaten wife' dedicating the rest of their life to their 'abuser' then being forced to be with them for eternity, and this is portrayed as a good thing. Why would you ever want to view it that way? Plus, it's rather forced if you take it as a whole - the few times Sam stood there looking contrite while Dean did something stupid pale in comparison to the number of times he calls him out on it, even in the later seasons (14x12 Prophet and Loss, anyone? 15x17 Unity?).

I guess people can take from media what they want, it's obviously not my place to police people's enjoyment, but I just never got the appeal. It seems so counter to what the show was clearly actually trying to do, yet they tout it as fact (now where have I seen that before). Like it's somehow a bad thing to enjoy the show on its own terms. Coming across these takes still kinda bums me out. This goes for people insisting it's the other way around too - I can't stand any brother vs. brother stuff either, it's never anything but bad faith, and honestly kinda misses the point. Some of these people boggle my mind with their lack of empathy.

If there's one thing this fandom is good for, it's honing your ability to roll your eyes and move along. It's full of so much absolute batshit insanity that you'll never survive if you listen to every take. Trust me, I've tried. Do you know which tags to block to avoid this kinda stuff? Cause I never seem to be able to.

Sorry if this was a bit of a rant dump, heh. I'm usually a chronic lurker, but this discourse in particular bothers me immensely.

You're absolutely fine, I mind neither bringing up previous topics nor excessive length (be a bit of a hypocrite if I did, tbh). And yeah, it's one of my least favorite SPN fandom discourses, too.

It does feel like it's pretty hard to find any corner of the fandom where you won't at least occasionally see one side or the other's worst faith not!fave-brother-is-terrible takes. And oh, do I hate the 'beaten wife Sam' half of the 'Dean is an abuser' discourse equation just as much. Like, supposedly they like Sam, so why on earth would they want to pretend this stubborn competent badass of a character is actually a helpless pathetic marshmallow?! Same with Dean on the opposite side of the fandom - it's not just the character they're constantly maligning I can't recognize, the character they "like" similarly bears very little resemblance to the one I'm a fan of!

So far as I can tell, some people just desperately need their favorite character to be the best one who is always in the right. Whether it's over-identification or what, I don't know. They seem to think they achieve it by reframing large portions of the canon as justifying, unfairly attacking, or insulting that character as necessary. Except they don't see how from the outside it very often looks entirely absurd, regardless of if they're doing it in favor of Sam, Dean, or Castiel. Which is not to say there aren't parts of canon which treat all of those characters ridiculously in one way or another? But it's the total fixation on it only being the case with their favorite character in every possible situation where it gets weird.

Every great once in a while, I do manage to come across a take that really annoys me. But for the most part? The extreme ones are just so absurd, so divorced from what anyone even vaguely trying to understand the other characters' motivations and what the show quite obviously intended? I just can't take it at all seriously. Especially when they (as they so often do) get canon details wrong or pointedly "forget" all the canon points that blatantly don't fit their narrative.

Unfortunately, like with a certain ship, when it comes to tagging? You're kind of at the mercy of the self-awareness of the poster about how much other people may not want to see their hot takes.