#Jun's monologue

[junkomc]

男性読者とオリジナル男性キャラクターに対する私の想い。My thoughts on male readers and original male characters.

male!readerを求めて広い広いネットの海を漂いtunblrにたどり着いたものの、やはりこちらでもx male!reader（男主）とｘoriginal male characterの間には大きな隔たりがあるんだなぁ…と改めて思いました。

私は他の人が書くcod×male!readerはもちろんだけど、cod×original male characterのお話が読みたいし、絵も見たいんだ！！！

もうtopでもbottomでもどちらでもいいので、とにかく男性同士の熱いロマンスが見たいんですよ！（生粋の腐女子ですので）ついでにsoap/roach とghost/roachとkeegan /loganもめちゃくちゃ欲しい。

I drifted through the vast ocean of the internet in search of a male!reader and ended up on Tumblr, but I realized once again that even here there is a big gap between x male!reader (male protagonist) and x original male character...

Of course I want to read cod x male!reader stories written by other people, but I also want to read cod x original male character stories and see the pictures!!!

I don't care if it's top or bottom, I just want to see a hot romance between two men! (I'm a genuine fujoshi) And I really want soap/roach, ghost/roach and keegan/logan.

とにかく自分以外の誰かが書くcod×original male characterを血眼になって探している変態がここにいることを知ってほしくて、ほとばしる熱い思いをしたためたのですが、グーグル翻訳がちゃんと仕事をしているか私には知る由もない。

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that there is a pervert here who is desperately searching for cod×original male character written by someone other than me, so I wrote this with all my heart and soul, but I have no way of knowing if Google Translate is working properly.

あと、どうでもいい話ですが日本国内でも国外と一緒で○○×f! readerが多く、m!readerはほとんどないです。○○×original male characterも無いなぁ…。悲しい。

ちなみに日本国内では夢小説サイトにはたいてい名前変換機能がついているので「y/n」の部分に好きな名前が入れられ、自動で変換されるので違和感なく読み進めることができるのですが、それに慣れている為、fanficを読んでいて「y/n」が出てくると、すごく引っかかってしますのです…。それならばいっそのこと名前を固定化（いわゆるOC）された方が読みやすいし、イメージしやすいので私自身はoriginal male characterもmale!readerにも同じように愛しているのですが、「自己投影」という事に重きを置いた場合、やはり両者は似て非なるものだと理解はしてるつもりです。

Also, this is a trivial point, but in Japan, just like overseas, there are a lot of ○○×f! readers, but almost no m!readers. There are no ○○×original male characters either... It's sad.

By the way, in Japan, most dream novel sites have a name conversion function, so you can enter your favorite name in the "y/n" part and it will be converted automatically, so you can read without any discomfort, but because I'm used to that, when I'm reading fanfic and "y/n" comes up, it really bothers me...If that's the case, it's easier to read and imagine if the name is fixed (so-called OC), so I personally love original male characters and male!readers alike, but if you place importance on "self-projection," I understand that the two are similar but not the same.

80年代生まれの40過ぎのおばさんには知らない用語や、初めて聞くジェンダー関連の言葉も沢山あり、日々勉強だなぁと感じます。母として、娘とそのような話をする時に備えてちゃんと理解しておかないとダメですね。

あと、自分の半分くらいの年齢の子たちが素晴らしい作品を生み出しているのを見ると、純粋にすごいなぁと思う気持ちと、こんな所におばさんが混じってごめんなさい…という気持ちがあり、時々葛藤します…笑

もうちょっとだけ自由に投稿させてください…すべて書きつくしたら静かにそっと消えますので！！

それでは皆さんの健康と幸せを祈っています。好きなように、好きなものを創作し続けることができますように。

There are many terms I don't know as a 40-something woman born in the 80s, and many gender-related words I've never heard before, so I feel like I'm learning every day. As a mother, I need to understand them properly in preparation for talking about such things with my daughter.

Also, when I see kids half my age creating amazing works, I feel both genuinely impressed and sorry that an old lady like me is being mixed in here... and sometimes I feel conflicted... lol

Please let me post a little more freely...I'll quietly disappear once I've written everything!!

I wish you all good health and happiness. I hope you can continue to create what you love, as you love.

[kazamajun]

I read a quote once that was something along the lines of 'if I have to write two characters kissing for you to know that they're in love, I have failed as a writer.' This is a sentiment I not only agree wholeheartedly with, but something that came to mind when wanting to do an analysis of Kazuya's character ending and kazjun's relationship.

We get a bit of environmental storytelling with her picture. It's a beautiful photo, clearly posed for, and lovingly encased in an elaborate pure gold frame. The vibes are expensive, luxurious, and meaningful because he clearly cared enough to have it custom-made since it's got the Zaibatsu's logo on it. Behind the picture frame are two porcelain teacups and a teapot, along with Rochefort Tea, Azucena's coffee and that mixed blend of both. That tells us they frequently have tea and coffee together in his office!

On the first question Kazuya is asked, he is immediately dismissive of it. Asking about Jun however not only gets an immediate physical reaction with the curled fist and him filling the room with electricity, but he goes on to make it explicit that she is the only person in the world that he sees as an equal. She stood up to him over 20 years ago and he never forgot it. And, she's just as strong now if not moreso.

When he throws the trophy, that's him giving a demonstration of this. He's showing her off! He knew she would catch it, and likewise Jun knows that he knew she would, which is why she gives that soft little smile. And his tone when he delivers the "tsuyoi" is... very telling. He not only acknowledges and values her strength but is extremely attracted to it.

There's also the added framing context of this episode, that it's a documentary on him. He just publicly declared to the world that her strength turns him on. Iconic.

It's pretty damn clear that he loves her, not only from all of the above but the fact that he demonstrated it at all in the first place. Kazuya doesn't bother to talk about things he doesn't care about.

[wordswhisperinthedark]

MEDALIST I AM HOLDING YOU SO TIGHTLY

[strategist-scientia]

Mo Fang fighting Fu Sheng's control over his body to prevent himself from hurting Fu Rongjun, him carrying Fu Rongjun's purification mark, Fu Rongjun resolute in his conviction that Mo Fang is still a good person worth saving and them being paralleled with Shen Li's parents will always be my Roman Empire. They were the embodiment of right person, wrong time. 😢

[takayakayakayaki]

Who's the most jealous amongst your three romantic partners? Is there a particular reason as to why they are, if so?

id say that jun gets the most jealous sometimes actually. not as much of me hanging out with other people as it is doing activities, especially physical ones, without him. it's kind of silly, heh, but when i work out without him he gets super jealous~

[sunshine-of-my-shoulder]

it's so hiyover because unfortunately akira would be the best writer to portray her struggles since the other writers mainly focus on her more lighthearted stories and some of his earlier writing of her is actually good (kiseki arc, saga, wondergame, conquest) but he just forgets she exists in the later eden stories and knowing him he's gonna write a weird story about her to make some convoluted statement about an issue in the idol industry like idfk she gets cancelled for playing around with her fans when she was depressed and bored and lonely in exfine

[cerealandchoccymilk]

the audacity of youtube to recommend mx music videos with 70k views when xm listening to one with 5k for the 10th time

this btw↓

[yuurei20]

Sorry if this was asked/addressed before, but do you consider the Twisted Wonderland Novels to be canon compliant, canon divergent, or maybe a little bit of both? Thank you so much!

Hello hello! ^^ Thank you for this question!

The Twst novels are fascinating, and seem to be accomplishing a multitude of things at once: we get insight into things that are barely hinted at in the game, like the scorn Riddle suffers post-overblot, the respect he holds for Leona and how he wants to learn from Malleus.

・Riddle and the consequences of overblot ・Riddle's confession ・Riddle on Malleus

We also get complete changes to things established in the game, such as the retconning of our introductions to Leona, Vil and Azul. ・Meeting Leona ・Meeting Pomefiore (pt1)) ・Meeting Azul (pt1)

And, most interesting of all, we get a lot more detail into things that also might be happening in the game, but we were just not told about it due to the limitations of the visual novel medium:

・Yuuya's First Class The prefect is not exactly welcomed by the students of NRC, with no one but Ace and Deuce willing to acknowledge them. ・Yuuya Fails After being supported by Ace, the prefect fails to support him in return ・The Classroom Tensions between Savanaclaw and Diasomnia students ・Riddle and Unique Magics Information on how unique magics manifest. ・The Overblot Battle Ruggie and Jack work together to defeat Leona ・Post-Overblot Leona (the flashback monologue) Leona's fear of giving up. ・Trusting Riddle Ace and Deuce's relationship to Riddle.

Due to how some things are being completely changed I think it is safer to consider the novels as a different canon unto themselves, but they are also a great frame of reference to apply to the game!

→ What language is being spoken in Twst? It is never specified in the game, but we know the language at novel-NRC is not Japanese!

→ What is the roommate situation at NRC? While we have a few hints in the game, the novel has explicitly explained the rooming situations!

→ How many students are there at NRC? Again we have a few hints here and there in the game, but the novel has given us a solid number :>

While things like the above three points might not apply to the game at all they are a useful reference for fanfic purposes, for example, until such a time that they are confirmed or denied by game canon.

And there might be times when the novels are even making corrections to in-game oversights 👀

In Book 1, for example, Ace is unable to repeat Chenya's full name after hearing it for the first time.

The problem: Ace is well known for being talented at mimicry, imitating tongue-click sounds he learns from Rook on his first try in order to communicate with hedgehogs.

The solution: Both the novel and the manga corrected this scene by having Deuce, not Ace, be the one who struggles to repeat Chenya's name.

Did they realize at some point that Ace not being able to mimic Chenya goes against an important character point, which they then corrected in the other two mediums? 👀

As the novels are coming out after the game, this could mean that there is a possibility that they are actually more accurate to the characters in some ways, as the creators have had a chance to review previously established points and make adjustments accordingly ^^

(The author for the novels, Hioki Jun, is both one of the original writers of the game's events and vignettes along with Yana, and a member of Yana's personal studio, D-6th!)

While maybe not canon to each other, both the novels and the game are most enjoyable, and I highly recommend them both!

English-language translation of the first novel coming out this August! 🥳

[devilstruly]

TRUE BEAUTY

pairing - kuroo tetsuro x gn. reader

includes - mutual pining, not really confessing but also not being very subtle about it either, late night talking, commenting on the plot of a kdrama. y/n mentioned once but i promise i had a good reason

a/n - this is mostly inspired by my internal monologue while watching the show, ergo the reader is rooting for seo-jun (i'm biased sorry). also reader is ticklish. i know it's another kuroo one i'm sorry but this man is so ugh

1.14 am

‘That's fucking adorable! Fuckkkk, why is he so cute! Oh my god!’ 

You found yourself snuggled into Kuroo's side comfortably, with his arm draped over the back of the couch and a blanket shared between the two of you. 

‘What the fuck is cute about that?!’ He rolled his eyes at your reaction, his arm flailing around to emphasize his words.

‘He's making up rumors about them dating!’

‘Yeah because he likes her! He just doesn't know how to express his feelings, okay? He's traumatized.’ 

‘Everyone is traumatized, that's not an excuse. Plus, don't you always say it's best to be upfront about things?’

‘He is being upfront about it! She's just oblivious!’ 

'Like you would know.'

Kuroo turned his head to the side slightly so he could mumble a response, quietly enough so that you couldn't pick up on it.

‘What was that?’ 

‘Nothing. I just can't believe you're making excuses for that asshole.’ 

Hadn't it been for you being very deeply invested into the drama as well, you would definitely giggle at Kuroo's persistence.

But alas, that wasn't the case. 

‘That's because he has a bike and good fashion sense.’ 

Kuroo huffed. ‘What's with you and bikes?’

While stating your answer, you shifted your position slightly so you'd be more comfortable, and in addition, almost naturally, Kuroo's arm wrapped around your shoulder to pull you closer.

‘They're cool.’ You replied with a grin, to which Kuroo huffed again. ‘Oh and, I like his eyes too. They're similar to yours.’

Not thinking much of your words, you continued to watch the show unfold, head resting on Kuroo's chest. You had almost forgotten about what you said, but Kuroo finally broke the silence after a while.

‘You like my eyes?’  

Barely paying attention to the television, he now faced you fully, thankful to the darkness of the room for hiding his blush. 

‘Hm? Oh yeah.’ As you finally acknowledged the proximity when you lifted your head, you could feel a blush of your own starting to creep up on your neck.

‘They're really pretty.’ You added after not being able to look away from the golden hues for god knows which time.

With a small smile you went back to your initial position, pulling the blanket tighter around yourself whilst Kuroo tried his best to process the newly received information. 

2.01 am

‘No! No, you dumb fuck! Ugh!’ 

A loud groan echoed in the room before you covered your face with your hands in agony. Kuroo's hand was patting your back gently, though not very sincerely since he was wearing a satisfied expression as he watched the screen. 

‘There there.’ 

‘Fuck off, you like this!’ 

With a huff you untangled yourself from Kuroo's limbs, scooting all the way to the other end of the couch. 

‘I just think it works better!’ Kuroo himself raised his hands in defense, but his smile remained. 

‘Bullshit! He is clearly the better option! He treats her so much better!’ 

‘But they're already dating and she loves her boyfriend. Besides, nothing's wrong with him either.’

‘No it's not, but Seo-jun is simply better.’ 

‘You're just biased because he has a bike.’

‘I'm not! I mean yeah that's a plus, but not that important! He even gave her the keys, come on!’ 

‘Oh so if it were you, you'd dump Soo-ho?’

You immediately recognized the sly undertone in Kuroo's voice and huffed whilst you turned to face him.

‘That's not what I'm saying. And she shouldn't dump him. She shouldn't be with him in the first place. Ugh, this is why relationships are dumb.’

This seemed to get the man's attention, and he readjusted his position on the couch, now barely looking at the TV. 

‘You don't want a relationship?’ His tone became much softer than the previous question, which to you was a clear indicator that the conversation had suddenly become serious. 

You chose to write the change off as the late hour delirium. 

‘I mean…it's not that I don't want it, it's just like- not right now. I don't know. I mean if the person I like is - um - will be someone I can't imagine my life without, then I'd drop this…way of thinking.’

‘Oh.’ 

The one syllable Kuroo managed to get out had you turning your head towards him in confusion, only to be met with the sight of him mumbling something under his breath. 

Opting not to point it out at the moment, you tried to distract him instead. 

‘And you?’ His head shot up in an instant. ‘What's your take on relationships?’ 

Suddenly looking anywhere but you, Kuroo shifted uncomfortably in his seat, making you raise your eyebrows as a silent way of urging him to reply. 

‘Uh…I don't- well- that's a lot of work that I don't have time for. But I think they're…great.’ 

He mentally cursed himself for his choice of words. 

‘So…’ You began, a dangerously serious expression on your face. ‘...If you were to like someone that liked you back…what would you do?’ 

Patiently waiting for an answer, you hugged your knees to your chest and rested your cheek on top of them. Unable to formulate a reply, Kuroo blinked a couple of times before taking a deep breath and slowly letting the words leave his mouth. 

‘I suppose…I would ask them out.’ 

‘Oh? Good to know.’ Your eyes widened in surprise, and a teasing smile graced your features before you turned your attention back towards the television. 

On the contrary, Kuroo still sat frozen in place, eyes glued to your side profile. 

‘Wh- what do you mean good to know?! For what?!’ 

‘Shhhh, I'm watching my husband.’ 

‘Nuh uh. Explain.’

Your attempts to distract your friend proved futile and with a frustrated sigh you defended yourself.

‘There's nothing to explain!’

‘Yes there is.’

‘Not.’ 

‘y/n.’ 

‘Tetsuro.’ 

‘Oh so we're on Tetsuro now?’ 

The sudden change in Kuroo's tone was drastic enough to cause you to tense, not turning to face him for the sake of saving youtself from a heart attack. 

‘I- forget I said that.’ You blurted out once you finally mustered up the courage to look at him. As quickly as you said that you turned your head back around, failing to notice an idea flash across Kuroo's face. 

Shuffling sounds reached your ears but you paid them no mind, until you felt a pair of hands tickling your sides. On instinct you squealed and flinched away, but with the man's quick reflexes it made no difference. 

‘Wait wait- stop! Kuroo!’ You managed to get out between tears of laughter and uncontrollable shaking, much to Kuroo's entertainment. 

‘I'll stop when you explain yourself.’ The smile on his face kept growing by each passing moment whilst your cries became louder. 

‘I will! Just- stop- please!’ Your words were barely audible by this point, but Kuroo decided to be generous and simply flopped on top of you. 

With his ear right above your heart, he could feel the rapid thumps and the heavy breathing whilst you tried to calm down. 

It was once you finally managed to get your senses back that you became aware of your position, and so your heart rate remained quick as it was. 

‘Kuroo?’ 

‘Hm?’ 

‘What are you doing?’ 

‘Me? Nothing ~’ 

Even though it was hard to see, you could practically feel the smile on his face growing. However, not minding the situation much, your hands threaded through his hair curiously and in return Kuroo became more at ease. 

3.46 am

‘Kuroo.’ 

‘I'm sleeping.’ 

‘Then go to bed.’ 

‘Just one more episode.’ 

The drowsiness started enveloping him progressively, yet he made no effort to acknowledge it - and neither did you. 

‘Fine.’ 

[kingyoisland]

My most crack of crack person head cannon is that Shang Qinghua. The great Airplane shooting towards the side. Is a Cuban Chinese man. 🇨🇺🇨🇳

His mom was Cuban and his Dad was Chinese. In his first like. In his second his mom was Chinese and his dad was Cuban. He doesn’t know English but knows Spanish. The biggest reason he’s not outed as a fucking transmigrator early on because of his mumbling is that a lot of it is in Spanish. The entirety of the Who’s your daddy? Airplane monologue is in Spanish but he says the last line in Chinese.

In my head Shang Qinghua, Su Xiyan, and Binghe are the only characters with curly hair. AAAAAAND because the system fills with Plot holes I believe that Biological. Shang Qinghua is Su Xiyan brother through their father. Not being raised together. Kinda like Shang Qinghua’s Father Secret family. (This circles back stay with me). She gives birth to Luo Binghe who is picked up by the old washer woman.

WHO IS Shang Qinghua’s Mother. And because of her Ex Husband with curly hair teaching her new cultural foods she later teaches both her sons this food. Shang Qinghua and later Luo Binghe. and so know NO ONE CAN MAKE A CUBANO OR PERNI LIKE SHANG QINGUA AND LUO BINGHE!! They can make fucking CUBAN FOOD!! It’s also why these two canonically too the average svsss civilian got the head disciple position because of their ability to cook.

Shang Qinghua is a great cook on the level of Luo Binghe because they have the same teacher and I REFUSE. To believe otherwise.

- Tell me you don’t see this vision. Luo Binghe coming to pick up his Shizun after he has a meeting with Mobei Jun’s rat. Your Shizun walks out with a little Box of fucking Pan con Lechón that’s the name your Mother use to call it at least. You haven’t seen anybody now or since that can cook that food. First you get sad and are about to cry because another man cooked for Shizun. Then your mind goes too how is the fastest way I kill the rat without upsetting Shizun. And only then do you pause. IS THAT FUCKING PAN CON LECHÓN!!

- Also Mobei Jun knowing a surprising amount of Spanish just not when it’s spoken very quickly. Well he knows Shang Qinghua’s broken Spanderin. So he knows quite a bit. But like also not a miracle worker if Shang Qinghua talks any faster then normal he cannot understand a thing.

If you want more I have more please god I need to talk to someone about this please!!

[junkomc]

まず、ハイブリッドAUで描いたゴーストの耳を参照。

犬や猫の耳にあるフリル状のもの…日本語では”えんぴのう”と呼び、英語では” ヘンリーズポケット”というらしいですが、とても可愛いですよね？？？

写真は私の実家の柴犬の耳です。

ちなみに、柴犬はウルフライクの割合が高く、オオカミに最も近い犬種だそうですが、とてもそうには見えない…！15歳のおばあちゃん犬だけど、今でも子犬みたいに可愛い子です。あくびをする時のなんとも愛らしい姿…

First, take a look at these ghost ears drawn in a hybrid AU

Those frilly things on the ears of dogs and cats... In Japanese they are called "enpinou" and in English "Henry's pocket", and they are so cute, aren't they???

The photo shows the ears of my parent's Shiba Inu.

By the way, Shiba Inu have a high rate of wolf-like traits, and are said to be the breed that is closest to wolves, but they don't look like that at all...! She's a 15-year-old grandma dog, but she's still as cute as a puppy. The way she yawns is so adorable...

[sluttywonwoo]

Top SVT moments that had you going wtf?

seungcheol smacking dino’s ass so hard it sent him stumbling into the stool he was holding onto for dear life (why did the man have to brace him with a hand on his back before the slap???)

my favorite part of seungkwan isss

green room dk describing his “ideal type” (trust me, you don’t want to know) ((sidebar— almost anything green room related, why was wonwoo crawling around and barking like a dog, why was vernon exposing jihoon for being bitchless in a language he couldn’t understand, why were they MAKING OUT FOR CHRISTS SAKE…))

hoshi fact-checking seungkwan’s drinking ft. jeonghan’s shocked pikachu face

aka gentle sexy physical pain

jun choking down food whilst delivering a tearful monologue to minghao about joshua

gay chicken discourse duh

wonwoo going to the gym in skinny jeans (honorable mention vernon getting on the treadmill in jeans since we’re here)

hoshi in don’t lie 2… just the whole performance

jihan limbo iykyk

[melaniepilled]

svsss, luo binghe pov: enlightening + the most annoying thing i've ever read + shen jiu eat shit + i want to whack the protagonist's head with a frying pan + abyss era is angst taken to another level + this is highly unprofessional + why are all the i's dotted with hearts + i fear the power of the heavenly pillar + (MAYBE) context on the Balls to sate my curiosity

mdzs, lan wangji pov: that's what he was thinking about? + tons of extra info about politics + i hate imperialism + why are they (every character) like that + second-hand embarrassment & exasperation combined + unsurprisingly tragic but at least we got more lwj humour + DISCIPLINING YOUR ANNOYING BRATTY FRIEND GONE WRONG, NO CLICKBAIT + nom nom sizhui is the best

tgcf, hua cheng pov: hi how r u & have u ever fucked god + i wish death eternal agony on half of the characters + qi rong kys + jun wu kys + mu qing kys + every other chapter is an internal monologue that reads like a psalm + *checks the genre* isnt this gothic horror + lore lore lore + we dont play around in ghost city + crimson rain sought flower receives husband classes + do not treat my boy e'ming like that

[youhideastar]

WujiWatch: CQL Rewatch Episode 15

CQL is an especially rewarding show to rewatch (and to write fic about) in part because of the ambiguities that the show intentionally leaves unresolved. What happened to Wei Wuxian's parents? Why did Lan Wangji's mother kill Qingheng-jun's teacher? Does resurrected Wei Wuxian have a golden core or not? Why did Xue Yang and Jin Guangyao have a falling-out? What is Baoshan Sanren's deal?

The ambiguity that hangs over this episode is: would Yu Ziyuan really have cut off Wei Wuxian's hand? You can argue it either way, and fans do: yes, she had every intention of cutting off his hand until Wang Lingjiao started talking about creating a Yunmeng Supervisory Office, which was the actual dealbreaker; no, she was only playing along to buy time and would never have really done it.

Trying to resolve this ambiguity by reading into Yu Ziyuan's words and actions is a dead end. The show gives us occasional internal-monologue voiceovers for some characters (including one for Wei Wuxian in this very scene) but never for her, and certainly not here. We can't read her mind. We'll never know for sure.

But to me, the truly decisive fact is: both Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian absolutely believe she is going to do it. Jiang Cheng pleads with her to spare Wei Wuxian - you could say he, too, is just playing along, but that doesn't check out; that boy cannot act worth a damn. (His numerous unhelpful emotional outbursts, in this scene alone, demonstrate a total inability to act in a way contrary to his true feelings.) And we know Wei Wuxian believes she's going to do it because the writers helpfully give us a voiceover in which he immediately resigns himself to the loss of his hand. The thought that Yu Ziyuan might be faking it doesn't even cross his mind.

So to me, this is one ambiguity that isn't that ambiguous in the end: the two people in this scene who've spent their whole lives observing Yu Ziyuan, who know her better than we as viewers ever will, have no doubt that she would and will maim Wei Wuxian for life.

[sidecharactersdomatter]

Thoughts I had during TGCF S2 Ep 6

Previously on TGCF…

This is gonna be epic!!!

Cw: Past homicide

-That’s Yong’An in its heyday 

-Sparrows

-Fang Xin

-It’s Qianqiu’s assistant from Eps 1-2!

-Young Qianqiu is literally me in my Freshman year of High School during the first semester

-His butterfly shaped mask

-Writing the Laozi 10 times has the energy of making a kid stay in class and write a sentence over and over on the chalkboard till they’ve learned their lesson (Literally every Simpsons opening)

-He doubled it

-Imagine if Piandao talked to Sokka like that when beginning his sword training

-Man wonder who voices Young!Qianqiu?

-I mean the move could also get you hurt if you’re careless

-This is the Ancient Chinese version of the trolley problem, same analogy though

-I like to think this advice was taught to Zuko and Sokka when they were learning swordsmanship

-See, trolley problem esque

-Good advice to not intervene

-More dead bodies

-Oh no and that was his Dad

-That’s when the survivor’s guilt set in

-I can see why Xie Lian and Hua Cheng are perfect for each other, they both have a freaking high kill count

-Just like when Bruce Wayne lost his parents

-What did he say?

-He’s not a monster

-That was during his second ascenscion

-That’s gonna be a bad outcome

-“I wish to be stripped of my divinity” Literally every fangirl’s brain drifted to something else when he said that.  Just look at Kictor and Stitch

-Doesn’t seem like he earned it at all

-He just wants to get out of the drama

-If there was a modern AU, you know Shi Qingxuan would make an awesome and wealthy defense attorney

-There’s the Amongus quote

-Dang no answer

-There’s Prosecutor Pei Ming, that’s a good nickname.

-He made a solid point

-That’s the result of the Fang Xin trial with XL on house arrest and a restraining order from Taihua

-He made another enemy

-Aaaa pickle jar, better believe it Qingxuan

-How is she going to get air???

-That upset Qingxuan, Feng Xin, and Mu Qing

-The interior looks hollow in Xie Lian’s palace

-That’s coming out of Qingxuan’s pockets

-He deserves the apology hun

-He’s doing it, he’s doing the iconic old time Put your head between your arms against a flat surface like a Disney Princess!

-He still has the dice

-It’s snake eyes!

-Hi Mu Qing

-Stick it to Jun Wu, Mu Qing

-I know right, it did NOT seem like a healing spell at all

-Wonder if I can conceptualize a similar healing potion for TOH MTC…?

-You just had to ask him that didn’t you?

-Hi Feng Xin

-A guest who invited himself inside

-Welp he really was honest

-Seriously, Mu Qing you couldn’t have felt bad for his house arrest

-Xie Lian’s trying to mediate again

-Mu Qing’s response had bite to it

-One Punch!!!

-Fist Fight!  Fist Fight!

-“You’re a hypocrite, you’ve always looked down on me, but you’re not better than I am!!!”  Oh my gods, Lucien Dodge freaking delivered!!!

-“Enough…” Oh man, Xie Lian’s emotions

-The Junior Officials witnessing the Generals fisticuffs:

Feng Xin!  Feng Xin!  Feng Xin!

Mu Qing!  Mu Qing!  Mu Qing!

-“Did it really have to come to violence?” Yeah it pretty much did. - Iroh, dragon of the West, the Waterbending scroll

-Mu Qing: Fine I’ll break your face

Feng Xin: Not if I break yours first!  It’s too late to beg for mercy!  

That’s what I translated to the best of my skills during Xie Lian’s internal monologue

-He’s like a parent that’s disappointed with his two kids constantly at odd

-Don’t worry, hon what’s really gonna help them is Couples’ therapy, and I’d hate to be that therapist

-A dramatic sound effect!

-I can’t wait to write the Gaang’s reaction to the Wraith Butterflies

-That was a cool shield spell

-I love how the butterflies are easily dodging Xie Lian, but are charging toward Mu Qing and Feng Xin to scare the sh*t outta them

-He’s gonna hold one of the butterflies, he’s holding one of the butterflies, yeah too late man AND HE’S NUZZLING THE WINGTIPS WITH HIS NOSE Cue keyboard smash! WAE TESDHGFYFJ. RYGJ GUFTDRSSDFAEGRRESVGTGTRS DFGSTRWG EIEEEIIIIIIIEEEEEE!!! I always love this joke, no matter how old it’s gonna get in my reaction posts.

-Yeah he’s just going

-The real reason this episode took so long to air last year was that the animators had to get the waist snatch scene past censorship to spite their censor companies for not having Xie Lian fall into Hua Cheng’s lap in Eps 4-5.

-Xie Lian: Hello Again, Literally me: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! (This is the same noise Eleanor Shellstrop made when she was gifted a Shrimp Dispenser in The Good Place)

-They’re just backing up

-You two had one job!  Looking at you Feng Xin and Mu Qing!  I see ya

-He’s just tugging his sleeve as they’re walking

-Man, it’s like Hua Cheng took Little John’s advice from Robin Hood 1973 to “Climb the palace walls.  *Tosses out Gross Carrot* Sweep him off his feet, carry him off in style.” - Little John, Disney Robin Hood (1973) (Best Disney film hands down, freaking fight me if you dare)

-That must’ve hurt his ears

-Y’all had one job

-Feng Xin is just worried

-*Hua Cheng has entered the chat*  Like a goat!

-The subtle eye contact and expression he shared with Xie Lian!

-Some of the 33 gods he defeated are also in the chat

-That shook the veils

-Won’t that be pain in his mind?

-Looks like he saved you yeah

-A flashback from Ep 5!

-Touchstarved!  Touchstarved!  (Try prying this headcanon from my cold dead grip!)

-And here you’re about to see Howard Wang’s best performance in the series so far

-Best apology I’ve ever heard in media

-It healed that fast

-Petition to have James Cheek voice an iconic lead character in a Shakespeare play?

-Aw, they were actually both at fault for what happened

-You can actually feel Hua Cheng’s Shame

-E Ming: Noooo…. You hurt him!  I hurt him!  We hurt him! AAAHHH!  *sobs*

Season 2 has fed us once more!  I’m still busy with writing the Scrap Immortal and the Avatar.  For writing inspiration, I’ll be busy rewatching Avatar:  The Last Airbender

[kyaa-q]

A Train Wreck (part 1)

Lee Know x fem!reader warnings: fluff but heavy angst and themes of abusive relationships wc: 8k>. AO3 link :) synopsis: Your life has changed a lot throughout the past 6 months, since you started dating Jun. Events lead you to slowly distance yourself from some of the people you loved the most - Stray kids. Even your friendship with Bang Chan, your closest friend, was damaged after that day. Now, you find your life to be like an unstoppable train wreck hurtling toward disaster. You're gradually losing the bonds that had always kept you sane, for a serie of events that turned your world upside down. It feels inevitable: you will crash. Could someone help you avoid the collision? Could someone take the wheel with you, and help you get control over your life again? You don't know anymore. There's only one thing you do know: you are not welcomed and Lee Know, in particular, might hate you. And his opinion about you hurts more than you wanted it to.

Or: Y/N is in an abusive relationship and ends up distancing herself from her friends (Stray Kids). She thinks everybody hates her, especially Lee Know. She doesn't understand the effect he has on her (and vice-versa).

important a/n: This work deals a lot with topics of toxic/abusive relationship. There is no physical violence, but it does show cases of emotional manipulation and the potential impacts it can have over someone. The reader is in a toxic romantic relationship (I'm sorry to all Jun's out there), and the story is basically about how it affect not only the reader herself, but also the people around her who she held dear to her heart. It does contain a lot of self-doubt, anxiety, depressive thoughts and having your world reshaped by someone else, taking down important pillars to someone's life, finally facing what it means to have been deceived and accepting it (eventually). Having said all that, if you think this is a sensitive topic to you, please proceed with caution (if you choose to do so). I suck at tagging, but I hope this note made things a little clearer. In the end, it's supposed to be a way of comforting and healing - which will come, eventually -, especially with the help of someone else. I'm not sure how long this will be, but there's still a long way to go. Also, I use "Lee Know" and "Lee Minho" interchangeably, depends on the feeling. A final note is that this chapter has a lot of flashbacks of the past, so the timelines might be confusing to some, but hopefully it is clear enough and I can convey the message and feeling I aimed for. Lots of love, everybody!

You just finished ordering when your phone rings. Your stomach drops and you catch yourself being scared that it might be your partner, Jun. It hasn’t been an hour since the fight you two had over the phone, and if you were being completely honest, you can’t even recall the exact reason for the argument. What you do recall, though, is the aggressive silence, followed by yelling, aggressive silence again, a very passive-aggressive monologue about how you simply can’t understand. Why are you making things so difficult?, a quiet rage when you tried to speak, finally ending with Jun hanging up on you. In that order, specifically.

You force yourself to analyze the conversation. You remember calmly asking him where he had been the past few days. The overreaction you got threw you off. After days of complete silence from his end, could anyone actually blame you for genuinely being intrigued? Did that mean you were you a control freak? That you did you not trust him? That had never crossed your mind, for God’s sake! You only wanted to know! It was insane what he accused you of, for simply wondering whether he was busy or something similar. Suddenly trying to justify your question as coming from a place of sadness, not control, felt like a weakness. It didn't matter nonetheless, since he had hung up so abruptly. A mix of shame and guilt engulfed you, with a hint of anger that you very consciously denied.

Before you knew it, you were outside walking without direction, just desperate to unwind your mind. You hoped the fresh spring breeze healing powers would be enough. So, you walked and walked and walked, crossing streets and taking turns mindlessly. Or so you thought. You cursed your feet when you, at last, realized where they had dragged you, spotting the JYP-Entertainment building at one corner. A few buildings away, you remind yourself, your favorite coffee shop still stood. You actively deceived yourself, claiming that that is the place your feet had been leading you all along and resuming a much more determined march. It was the craving for coffee that had brought you here, you told yourself, and not the fear of running into any of the boys.

“Ma’am?” The cashier, a boy that probably is still in school, brings you back from your daze. He has a painfully obvious worried look on his face. Do I look on the outside as shitty as I feel in the inside? The phone stops ringing and you blink, hoping your mask is good enough to pull off a relaxed demeanor. 

“Oh, I’m sorry.” You reach into your bag and aim for your wallet, doing your best to ignore the pity on that young boy’s eyes. Shame swirls inside your chest and you’re scared you might start crying in front of this poor kid.

You hand him the money and allow your eyes to wander around for a moment. The mechanical sounds the cash register makes are relaxing, and you take in the place you so dearly liked. You aren’t alone in the shop — in fact, it is quite busy for a Thursday afternoon. It is better this way, you think. The sensation of merging with the crowd and disappearing is welcoming. The boy hands over your change, and your phone starts ringing again.

The color of your face must have disappeared, by the look of the cashier’s face. “Can I do anything to-“

“Keep the change.” You smile once more, cutting him off. You turn around before he can finish his sentence and head to the farthest table you can spot. On your way, you wonder whether you look as pathetic on the outside as you feel on the inside. Without realizing it, you made a decision. The decision of avoiding Jun as if it could make anything better — as if it could even change anything by any means. You hated yourself for being scared, afraid of something you can’t exactly name. It couldn't be Jun. Why would it be? Apart from the occasional raised voice, he has never done anything to you. It's just a phone call, you tell yourself. If it goes downhill you can simply hang up, just like he did to you before. As simple as that. By the time you reach your seat, you're determined. This is foolish, you swear under your breath. Still, you hesitate to take the ringing phone out of your pocket — but end up doing it anyway.

The word Chris glowing on the screen feels like a cozy blanket being wrapped around your cold body. You must have audibly exhaled, perhaps muttered some thanks — whether to a higher being or to Chan himself, you're not sure — because you notice a few people turning their heads toward you . It’s okay, everybody! Everything is fine now!, you want to say. You clear your throat before answering it.

“Hey there.” Hopefully you don't sound so gloomy. You put in a double effort to sound as cheery as possible. Perhaps, if Chan believes you’re okay, you might as well just be.

“What’s wrong?” Straight to the point, you wince by the dry, clearly worried tone. Tough start.

You know Chan and the way he worries extensively about everything and everyone — not enough about himself, some would argue, but you'd slightly disagree. It’s simply part of his nature, you’ve learned. As much as you admired deeply his instinct to help, you did not want to be the object of such attention at that moment. He is a great friend – fuck, he is the best friend. In normal instances, you wouldn't hesitate before sharing your mind and soul with him. Right now, however, worrying him also meant being faced with too many questions, none of which you wanted to answer — perhaps not even knew the answer to. Not only that, you were also vaguely aware about the upcoming Stray Kids comeback in less than two months. Having witnessed the boys go through times like this firsthand before, the last thing you wanted was to add your name to the list of “Things That Keep Bang Chan Up At Night”. In reality, you knew he couldn't do anything about your situation regardless. Therefore, you conclude, worrying him would simply be counterproductive.

“Ouch. Not even a hello?” You play it off, fidgeting with your bag’s strap. You know you can't fool Chan. You shake your head to ward off the thoughts.

“Hello. What is wrong, Y/N?” He insists and you shift nervously in your chair. Your eyes travel to the cashier, who is talking to the barista, a boy as young as him, keeping them both in your line of sight. “Why didn’t you pick up the first time?” Chan questions.

“Is it that weird for me to not pick up immediately?” You joke quietly. You know Chan is not buying your act. “Actually. I think I should be the one asking you. Why do you sound so urgent? What is going on?” You deflect, but Chan doesn’t take the bait. He takes a deep breath, audibly through the speaker, and you feel bad for making things difficult for him — you really do. But you know it’s the best option. You will sort all the awkwardness in the future, hoping it won't be too late for it to have settled and stained your friendship irreversibly. You want to fill the silence, but your tongue feels heavy in your mouth.

Is it really the best option? What would be worse — telling Chan and burdening him with your own confusing problems, at least having him know what’s wrong, or avoiding talking about it? Certainly, he will sense that something is wrong, but at least he won’t feel bad for not helping if he doesn’t know exactly what’s going on.

But where to start?

Chris exhales audibly once more. “Nothing. I’m sorry.” He wants to insist, you can tell, but you’re thankful he’s holding back. “I just miss you.” He says it so softly the phone barely captures it. It hits you like a truck, and tears are rolling down your cheeks before you acknowledge them. The lump in your throat grows, and you're afraid your voice will betray you if you try to speak. “I haven’t seen you in weeks. When was the last time you came to the company?”

And it has been weeks - months, actually. You’re sure you can hear your own heart shattering like glass inside your chest. You can touch the sharp edges of the cracks and spot bruises that were supposed to have healed long ago but linger still. You miss him too. Not only Chan, but you you’re your routine with him and 3RACHA. You miss Changbin’s loud teasings and Han’s snuggles. You miss spending the hours on end holed up in a practice room with the eight of them, watching as they dance and sing and spin and fight and laugh, as if their own life depended on it. You were just a lucky spectator who has been very much avoiding the fact that you've been neglecting your most precious fortune. When did you become this mess of a person?

You’re bothering them. The male voice resonates in your mind and you close fiercely your eyes. You are not one of them, Y/N. You’re just being a nuisance all the time. Why can't you see it?

You try to stop it, but it's in vain. The memory memory comes back regardless.

“I never said I was one of them. That’s silly.” You replied as you entered the company’s elevator, followed by Jun. With your hands occupied holding plastic bags filled with snacks handpicked for each of the boys, you press the button with your elbow. “I just don’t think they see a problem with me coming over from time to time. It's not like I'm showing up every day." You glimpsed at your watch. You were early and Chris wouldn't be waiting for you. Perfect, you could surprise them. "You know, Channie was the one-“ He scoffed and you felt a puncture of guilt. “Chris.” You corrected yourself, not wanting to get into a fight because of this again. “Chris was the one who texted me asking if I was planning to come or not.” You tried to conceal the pride warming your chest with that statement.

“Maybe it’s because they just want to go home, but they can’t because there’s always the chance of you showing up out of nowhere. Have you ever thought about that?" His tone was harsh and took you by surprise. Actually… No. You have not thought about that, in fact. He inhaled deeply, massaging his temples in a sign of stress. “Of course not."

“I didn’t ask you to come.” You mumbled, fighting against the flush of shame on your cheeks. What if he's right? What if you've been bothering and annoying some of the most important people in your life this whole time, and they've just been putting up with you? Your heart sank at the thought.

“Babe.” Jun appeared in your line of sight and placed his hands on both your shoulders. "You know I'm only saying this because I love you, right? I just don’t want you to embarrass yourself in front of those people, that’s all." You tried to avoid his gaze, but he gently turned your chin and held it. "Okay?”

His voice was soft, but clear. Too loud for your ears, perhaps. The soft tone did not make it easier to absorb the painful words. It took you a moment to register that the elevator's bell had run the doors had already opened. Your partner stepped back, taking some of the bags from your hands and turning to exit. Had you been paying attention, you would've noticed the cynical smile on his face as he turned toward the figure standing at the entrance. You only registered the other party after Jun's venomous tone. “If you excuse us.”

The shadow, meanwhile, did not excuse him. He didn't move not even an inch to the side, and you caught Jun trying to pass by them smoothly - but failing. The figure didn't show to care when he bumped into him, murmuring curses under his breath that were very much audible. You turned your head and found, as already expected, Lee Know standing there. Nonchalantly, hands in the pockets of his jeans, you met his piercing dark gaze, already fixed on you - and you only. He paid as much attention to Jun as he'd do to a fleck of dust.

Although it had been about two months since you started dating Jun, all the boys had already met him. You held a habit of visiting them regularly at the company after being close to Chan for so long. Dating Jun hadn't stopped you from doing that, in fact, for some reason, he'd insist to come along. You tried questioning him if that came from a place of jealousy, but gave up after a few attempts. Mentioning Stray Kids was usually the motive for big arguments, which never led anywhere. Coming to the company to hang out obviously gave Jun as much amusement as he’d get from attending a seminar on top 10 best lore of teenager’s movies, and it was up to him how he spent his time. You actively did your best to dismiss his mean comments about the most insane things, be it the lightening of the place or the paint color they chose to paint this one specific wall or the supposed secretary’s rudeness. Every aspect of the building had something wrong with it that deserved a specific remark about it. Jun had learned not to make any unpleasant comments about - or even to - the boys. That was the only instance you would not let slide. In return, you learned to let him rant about how god damn cold or hot or crowded or empty the building was.

You never told Chan - or anyone, for that matter - about it. Practically any of the members, even Chris himself, had ever explicitly stated whether they liked or disliked Jun, and you never asked them directly. They maintained an awkwardly polite demeanor in Jun’s presence. At least they tried to keep it civilized, even when Jun was being difficult. Well, practically because there was one exception.

Lee Minho clearly disliked your boyfriend, and the feeling was mutual from day one. The first day Jun came along and you introduced him to your friends, they were all respectful and dealt fairly well with Jun’s special ironic remarks. Minho, on the other hand, had withdrawn into a state of heavy silence and deadly stares that alternated between you and Jun. You tried to ignore it, initially, not giving it too much thought. That was until Minho questioned, in a very audible and shameless, almost whiny voice, 'Ah, Hyung! When is this thing leaving? It’s so annoying.'

Before you could decide whether you’d argue with Minho or Jun, your short-tempered partner was already looking, outraged, for the source of the voice. You grabbed his arms and tried to drag him toward the door, saying goodbye to the boys with a hasty 'Yes, I’ll see you soon! Take care!' And, 'Let’s go, Jun, we have to—'

But as you left the room, both you and Jun saw that Minho had stood up and was leaning proudly against the wall. His deadly stare had followed you to the exit and you caught when the shadows on his face gave place to a malicious smile forming on his lips. He was looking at Jun, as he gave a tiny wave, somehow a sign of imminent violence. Just before you closed the door, you couldn't stop the shiver running down your spine when you noticed he was staring at you. You couldn't read what they said, but your stomach churned nonetheless.

Minho was the primary target of your boyfriend’s distaste ever since, and a common fight motive. Jun had always been the type to overthink, but it was ridiculously worse when it came to Lee Know - which was tragically hilarious. From all the eight, he had chosen Lee Minho to pick on? You'd try to argue, but his reply would always come to You can’t be this blind. It was maddening, always as if you were both arguing about two completely different things.

Thus, you weren't surprised to find Lee Know in front of you - that particular mocking tone coming from Jun in If you excuse us, would only be used with Minho. What did surprise you, however, was Minho himself. Standing as still as a statue in front of you, the man emanated annoyance and deep displeasure. His dark eyes exuded an anger you were certain you could touch. It made the air surrounding you heavier and colder. The chill reflected in your stomach as your face grew hotter. You couldn't look away, as if you were under a spell - and perhaps you were. You didn’t know if you wanted to scream, to run, or to hide. Maybe all three options. The knowledge you were the reason behind this anger was as clear as running fresh water, and it gave you goosebumps. Somehow, it wasn’t a question. You didn’t know what you could’ve done to trigger such fierce feelings from Lee Know. Although his feelings were as transparent as clean glass, you were unable to read his thoughts. Honestly, you weren’t sure you even wanted to.

How long it passed, you couldn’t tell. How long you stood there, pitiful and unable to move or look away, a mess of flushed face and glassy eyes, remains unclear to you to this day. What was very clear even at that time, however, was the shadow of disappointment you spot on the vastness of his deep dark eyes the moment before he turned around. He walked to the opposite direction of the hallway without saying a word. The abrupt withdraw left bad taste in your mouth. The spell was broken and you could breathe again, but the air was too icy in your lungs, making you wonder whether it'd be better to go back underwater - to be back under his gaze. That shadow of disappointment in his eyes persisted like an annoying fly you couldn’t shoo away, accompanied by a heavy weight in your chest.

“What the fuck was that?” The angry whisper suddenly reminded you that you weren’t alone. You might as well have been, though. The world could have ended and the universe collapsed at that very moment, and yet, staring into Lee Know’s eyes, you knew it wouldn’t make any difference. Under his gaze, you wouldn’t have noticed anyone but you and him. Your eyes followed the dark spot going down the corridor, until the moment he finally took a turn and disappeared completely. You collapsed against the elevator’s wall, finally breathing in as deep as you could until your lungs ache. Hold for one. Two. Three. Four. Exhale.

“Hello? What the fuck Y/N?” For a moment you considered yelling at Jun. You felt your nerves on the surface of your skin, and your heartbeat was distractingly loud in your head.

“I don’t know.” You breathed out, realizing that, in fact, you didn't have energy to fight. Your legs were unsteady and you realized your hands were shaking. The fog in your mind dissipated a little, and the pleas in your mind for Minho to come back died out. You tighten the grip on the left bags on your hands and push yourself forward. In automatic mode, you got out the elevator and headed to the first and closest safe place your mind could think of: 3RACHA’s Studio.

Perhaps you should have realized that you were heading in the same direction you had just seen him go, only a few minutes before. That you would, unavoidably, end up facing Lee Know again - although 3RACHA’s Studio wasn’t the only active room on that floor, that was the most obvious conclusion to arrive at. Maybe you knew it, unconsciously. Today, you wonder if you didn’t turn back that day simply because following Minho was like an instinct. You were confused, sad and scared, but still, going to Minho felt as natural as searching for a shelter during a storm. In this case, Minho was both the storm and the shelter. You should’ve turned your back and gone home, but you didn’t. Your mind was a hurricane of confusing feelings and images that, in the end, returned to the same name being chanted again and again. Lee Know Lee Know Lee Know.

Jun kept saying things you didn’t register. His voice was just a bit more than an agitated whisper, and you wished he would just shut up. Or even better, stayed at home. The doubts and fears resurfaced and you couldn’t shake them away. What if he was right? What if what had just happened was a statement of how much you annoyed and bothered this people?

Did they hate you that much?

As this last thought crossed your mind, a loud thud echoed, followed by a harsh voice. You froze, realizing it was emanating from 3RACHA’s Studio, and the door was half-open.

“Why is it still going on? It’s ridiculous!” It was… Minho? Could it be? You had never seen him raise his voice in anger - at least not seriously. It was unmistakably Minho, but the so intense anger was foreign to you. You couldn’t place it to the so coldhearted and detached person that Minho had always shown.

“YA! Don’t go around slamming things!” Changbin’s scolding came even louder, followed by mumbles you thought was Han's, but they were too muffled by the distance and walls to be sure.

They were fighting. They were very seriously fighting, and the realization sank in.

You should run. Run run run. Something was so clearly and deeply wrong. You should not be here. Now. Run.

Your members didn't follow your mind’s orders, and you caught yourself frozen in place.

You couldn’t move.

Your eyes snapped to your left, where Jun started moving. The sparkle of hope was extinguished when you realized he was moving forward, and not back to the elevator. He took one step closer to the door, and then another. Slowly, but surely trying to get a better listen. This isn't right.

“What do you want us to do, Minho?” Chan’s voice was also alien. The hasty, firm and contained anger just didn’t fit his patient personality. “Should we yell at her? That’s your solution?”

Her. Obviously this was about you. The word solution haunts you to this day, but even back then, the harm was starting to settle in. The need of a solution arises from the existence of a problem. You. In the end, you were the problem they were looking for a solution for.

“I can’t do this.” It was Lee Know again. Although his voice was much lower, it was as clear as it would’ve been if you were in that room with them. Pain and exhaustion overflowed from his words, and you felt their weight on your own face, in the form of tears that welled up and streamed down nonstop. His agony was overwhelming, and you felt as if your own heart was a broken dam. “I can’t, Hyung.” It was getting harder to understand his words - not only for the walls muffling them, but also for your own heartbeat was deafening. For a moment, you considered whether they could hear it too.

You sized your options. First, you could casually knock on the door and hand them the bags – somehow still in your hands –, then find an excuse to leave right after. Oh, sorry! I’m super busy, just wanted to give you guys these. No, it’s fine! Enjoy! It could work. Except the atmosphere inside was beyond intimidating. You would never be able to put on such an act that convinced them you weren't listening. The second option was simply leaving the bags in front of the door and leaving instantly. You shook your head, discarding the idea as soon as it happened. Leaving without saying a word would be a clear statement that you heard them, then felt bad and left. While it was precisely what had happened, you did not want them to know that. No, you couldn’t bear having Chan forcibly explaining to you in which ways you were a problem to the boys. The fact that he felt this way - or at least knew the others did - and had not talked to you prior stung at the back of your brain. Lastly, you could just leave. Dragging Jun and all the bags, you would leave no traces behind and, hopefully, Minho would think you didn’t even leave the elevator. Maybe he would think you had seen him and finally realized you were not welcome, then you had made the smartest choice – the one you should definitely have taken – and had gone straight home. He would ignore it and not mention it and-

Shouts suddenly pulled out from of your daze.

“GONE! OUT OF HERE! OUT OF MY FUCKING SIGHT!” Someone vociferated, followed by the sounds of a chair being dragged and steps. You grabbed Jun's hand and started pulling him after you before you even register doing the action. Desperately going back to the direction you both came from, you prayed to find an unlocked door before anyone heard your footsteps and plastic sounds. Not sure how, your pleas were quickly answered. In a moment of despair, trying to open an unknown door, you pushed both you and Jun inside the empty dark room. Shortly afyer you shut the door and locked it, hoping the thud noise went unnoticed. 

 “Are you crazy?” As soon as he started, you dropped all the plastic bags and covered his mouth with both hands. You closed your eyes – to avoid the tears that threatened to spill or to hear if anyone had left the studio and came after you, you didn’t know. Regardless, you couldn’t hear anything over your heartbeat and a high buzz in your ears.

“Y/N?” You blink, coming back to the present. You open your eyes, and the barista is in front of your table holding your coffee. You notice his uncomfortable gaze and blush in embarrassment, murmuring thanks and apologies as he hands you the cup and leaves. He must’ve called you and you didn’t hear, giving him extra trouble to leave his spot and hand it to you personally.

It can also be due the tears flowing uninterruptedly on your face. Who knows.

You look at the black screen on your hand, laying on your lap now. You unlock your phone and blink to try to clean your vision from the tears, regardless, there is no new notifications. You can't recall the conversation with Chan exactly - if it could even be called a conversation. You don't know whether it was you or Chan who hung up, or even if you got to say goodbye. Had he noticed you crying?

You stare at the ceiling, doing your best to stop the tears. That was the last time you went to the company, and that was months ago. You miss Chan. You miss Changbin and Han. You miss spending the afternoon simply watching them working on music. You miss how they were loud and lively and intense. You miss how you felt when you were with them, and knowing that the feeling was only one sided broke your heart in ways you have no idea how to heal. You can’t shake the feeling of losing them - it seemed inevitable, and you wanted to scream.

You don't know why you act the way you do - running away since then. Evidently, it wouldn't magically make things right again. It wouldn't wipe out your memories of that day, or care less, for that matter. Some of the dearest people in your life thought of you as a problem to be solved, and it simply hurt. Minho’s anger and disdain were far too ingrained in your brain. You’ve been ignoring the acute pain that always followed remembering his exasperation and fury. Gone, he had shouted at the top of his lungs. He wanted you gone and couldn’t fathom why no one had talked to you yet. Honestly, it's hard for you to not question the same. 

Something very solid and real had broken inside you that day. Your attempt to pretend nothing happened was reinforced by the fact that, that day, Minho had, indeed, did what you hoped he would do. You texted Chan a little after, apologizing for not showing up, and he didn't say anything about you being there. Minho hadn’t told them about meeting you, and you felt relieved – maybe you could work things out by yourself, without having to make things even harder for them. You still didn't know how - but you planned on finding out.

The weeks that followed that incident were a messy blur. Thankfully, Jun didn’t mind your absentmindedness. It didn't bother him – interacting was an action that had to come from your end, and, since your mind was preoccupied with something else, he wouldn’t even try pulling you out from your thoughts. You couldn’t focus on anything else for too long, your thoughts would always, somehow, end on Minho’s resentment. On Minho's angry pleas to the winds for you to go away. On Minho's eyes. On Minho. Minho. It drove you mad. You felt bad and didn't want to admit you resented Chan a little. As you learned, asking Jun for advice proved to be completely unhelpful – in fact, it made things worse most of times. The situation was as clear as crystal to him: the boys were busy people, while you were someone desperately clinging to their attention, and, in the end, it saturated them. They were also not assholes - except that guy, he'd add - and that’s why they had been trying to give you hints. Then, you could arrive at the conclusion yourself, and there wouldn't be a need to go through the confrontational phase. Unfortunately, you hadn’t done your part and didn’t read between the lines, that's why you stood where you did. Why are you so upset about it? Fuck them! I never liked those guys anyway, and variations would usually put an end to the "conversation".

At work, however, you didn’t have the comfort of having your absentmindedness be dismissed. That was quickly noticeable not only by your clients and colleagues, but also by your manager. He was a patient man, but seemed to be in a permanent state of exhaustion and you guessed that's what capitalism did to a person. He never raised his voice and treated employees as human beings – an unprecedented event according to your own experience -, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have the company as top priority. He tried to listen and help, but wouldn’t hesitate to fire someone if they messed up. The first time you were called to his office, he questioned, impassive, about the embarrassing decline in your productivity. He didn’t seem exactly worried - employees had ups and downs all the time. You tended to overwork yourself, and, although you weren't the employee of the month, you knew you did a good job overall - so did your superior. “It’s just proceeding, you know?”

The downs persisted, unfortunately, and two weeks later you were called again. This time, his approach was more assertive and concerned.

“You can’t stay like this, Y/N.” He turned the monitor on his desk to face you, showing the numbers you had missed the last 15 days. “What is going on?”

“I’m sorry, sir.” You bowed deeply one more time, having no explanations or justifications for your bad performance. You couldn’t tell your manager you had your confidence undermined, that you were questioning every single act and interaction you had. You couldn’t tell your superior how deeply you missed your friends, missed love and hugs and affection and care. You missed yourself. You couldn’t tell him about the constant presence in your head that kept saying you were doing everything wrong. Everything. All your achievements, be they your job or your relationships - all of them were product of luck and you clearly weren’t good enough to keep them. Chan instantly came to mind. Even though he was texting you regularly, you couldn't get rid of the overwhelming sadness gripping your neck and kept your replies short. Obviously he had noticed, but respected your space - he stopped asking what was wrong after the first week. Knowing him, it was good that he didn’t know where you live, and that his own job kept him busy through day and night, or else you were certain he would’ve shown up at your door already. “It’s all my fault and I am deeply sorry I am bringing losses to the company and-"

“Y/N.” Your manager cut you, “When was the last time you slept?”

Confused, you blinked. “Excuse me?”

He pinched the bridge of his nose. “That answers it. You need to see a doctor.”

“I’m fine.” You raised your hands in surrender. “I promise, I don’t need to-“

“You can be a lot of things, Y/N. Sleep-deprived. Careless. Stressful. Anything but fine.” You flinched on the bluntness.

“Don’t you mean stressed?” You mumbled, embarrassed, trying to play off a joke.

“No, I said what I meant. Stressful. I cannot go on even for one more day if I look at my window one more time and see you staring blankly at your hands for God knows how long.” Before you could protest, he stopped you again. “I’m serious. I can’t afford the trouble of having an employee passing out because of lack of sleep. Take the rest of the day off and go to the hospital to get checked up. Come back tomorrow with the results in hand stating you are not dying or turning into a damn zombie.”

Left with no choice, you headed to the hospital. The feeling of guilt lingered in your chest a little, wondering if the insomniac nights were obvious in the dark bags under your eyes, if your anxiety was that evident in your eyes, words and walking.

You expected your health to be in check. You were certain modern medicine wasn’t capable of curing broken hearts yet – unfortunately. In worst case scenario, you’d probably walk out with a prescription to help you sleep and that’d be all. You took a deep breath before going in.

“Y/N?!”

Your body reacted before your mind and your eyes snapped in the direction of the source – Chris. He was already walking toward you, emerging from inside the huge building you had been staring at. You wondered if you were finally at the stage of hallucinations, and perhaps it was good it was happening next to a hospital - but this thought soon evaporated. Before you registered your own actions, you were also walking toward him, falling into the so missed and familiar hug your heart ached for.

It was the first time meeting Chan in almost a month. Usually, it wouldn’t have been a big thing, but it was for you. Your heart had been bleeding out for the past four weeks, and you hadn’t found a way to stop the pain. Chris was instant medicine, one that you had been actively depriving yourself of. You allowed yourself to be selfish for a moment. It was okay if you disturbed them and if you were an overall headache to them. In that moment, though, it was just you and Chris. You let yourself to believe that the love and appreciation you received from him were as real as they felt.

“Hi.” You murmured against his chest, inhaling his familiar perfume. His body vibrated with a chuckle, backing off just enough to look you in the eyes.

It was short, but you saw when the fun and joyful semblance turned into a concerned expression. You thought you sensed Chan becoming rigid, stiffening the hold on your shoulders just a little, as if you could run away if he let you. You remembered how you awfully sick and tired you might look. “How are yo-“

“I’m fine.” You cut off him, not being able to hold back a smile. “Do I look that terrible?”

He shifted, trying to cover up for his shameless stare. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it that way.”

Your smile widened; it was so easy to mess with him. “I’m just joking. I’m really fine, though.”

He glanced at you suspiciously. You could’ve well said you won the Olympics, and a quick look at you was enough to say that both of those things – being fine and winning the Olympics – were equally unlikely. And you didn’t account for the fact he had caught you standing in front of a hospital, just about to go in. Then it clicked, a hospital he just walked out of.

“Wait, what were you doing there? Are you okay?” It was your time to shamelessly look for wounds and signs that could hint if there was anything wrong with Chris. You noticed his clothes – shorts and a black long-sleeve shirt, it’s not something he’d normally wear outside, and rather stay inside working or even practicing.

He laughed shortly. “I am fine. Jeongin had an accident during practice and-“

“Jeongin had an accident?” Your voice was high pitched. Your eyes shifted to the entrance, past Chan, and you tensed, afraid you could see a badly hurt I.N.

“He is fine, Y/N.” He put his hand on the top of your head and turned it back to him. Looking into his eyes, you searched but found no traces of lying. Indeed, Chan looked quite chill, given the circumstances. “We feared he had a strained ligament or something, but he’s fine. I'll still hurt for the next few days, for sure. But he'll survive."

You breathed out in relief. “That’s great.” The story also explained his clothes.

Chan smiled at your concern. “Actually, they should be here at any minute now.” He glanced at the watch on his wrist.

“They?” You looked at him puzzled, but as if waiting for its cue, a loud calling Hyung! drew his attention.

When he turned around, keeping one hand gently on your elbow, he stepped aside and gave you a clear vision of the hospital's entrance.

Your heart caught in your throat. It wasn’t the imagery of an injured Jeongin, who limped just a little toward you and Chan, using a crutch to support his body. Oblivious, you didn’t even notice the way he was happily surprised to see you after so long, his dimples showing even after he had just left the hospital.

No. In all honesty, you had barely registered Jeongin’s presence at all at first. Instead, your eyes met with the figure following him, just slightly behind. The simplicity of the large white shirt and gray sweatpants would have made anyone else look comfortable, casual at most – but Lee Know wasn’t just anyone else. He wasn’t just comfortable or casual. He was so goddamn attractive - he was hot, you dared. His dark hair was even longer than it was the month prior, falling a little on his eyes depending on the movement of his face, and you had the urge to place a lock behind his ear.

He stopped walking suddenly, his gaze locking with yours. In that moment you knew the word that best described Minho: breathtaking – quite literally.

It lasted for a moment. Chan called for I.N and Minho started walking in your direction. Your eyes instantly deviated from his, and you forced yourself to focus on the maknae, rather than the burning stare coming from Minho or the blood flow running in your ears.

“Y/N!” Jeongin smile was contagious.

“Hey there, baby bread! How are you feeling?” You wanted to hug him, but you were unsure about his injuries, so you chose to stick with the smiling. Lee Know caught up to you all and placed himself by Jeongin's side.

“Oh, it’s nothing serious.” You saw him blushing. “This thing helps," he jiggled the crutch, "but it makes it seem way worse than it actually is. Ice will do just fine.”

“I’m glad you’re feeling better, Innie”. You smiled at him, and he smiled back. Keeping your hands in front of your body, highly conscious - conscious of your posture, choice of clothes, and greasy hair. You felt like a prey being watched by a predator – but choosing to avoid the predator’s eyes instead.

“What’s wrong with you?” Although Minho’s voice didn’t carry any resentment or accusation, you still winced. The sensation was like having a burnt hand and then someone grabbing it and placing it under a stream of cold water for relief. Yes, the relief would come right after, but first came the moment of shock and instinct to move away, before realizing how much you needed the cold water (his voice?) to relieve the pain of your burnt hand (your heart?).

“Come on, Lino. That’s not how you greet people.” Chan began, glancing at you apologetically. Unable to ignore him any longer, you let your eyes shift towards him.

His expression was a mystery, as hard as if it were sculpted in marble. Minho's face revealed no emotions, nor did his words. The bluntness could be mistaken by indifference, still his gaze was intense, making it hard to breathe and sending chills down your spine.

“Why would anything be wrong?” You questioned. Your voice somehow didn’t shake, and you hope you didn’t look as affected as you felt.

“Because I have eyes.” You felt your face growing hotter.  “And because you are in front of a hospital. What is wrong?” A sparkle of defiance lit in your chest – you owed him nothing. In fact, last time you checked, Lee Minho had made it very clear he did not want to see you.

“That’s not nice, Minho.” Chan scolded him, more fiercely this time.

“No, Chan.” You began, smiling warmly at Chris. He had so much on his shoulders already, you wouldn’t let Minho become another topic of trouble for him. “I’m fine, Minho. I’m here only to get checked up. Routine, that’s all.” You sustained his gaze with one of your own, hands held in fist so tight you’d later find red marks on your palms.

Minho raised a brow, almost mocking your poor explanation. The maknae spoke before him, “Are you sure you are well, Y/N?” The gentleness appeased your heart.

“You have to be joking.” Lee Know scoffed, apparently to himself but audibly to all of you. He was infuriating, daring to demand answers he had absolutely no right over! Why was he pressing on this? Why did it matter, anyway? Before you launched on him, Chan spoke.

“Okay! We’re done here.” He felt the weird energy between you two and wanted to prevent a war. “The driver is waiting for us, we need to go back. I.N, can you walk by yourself?”

“Yes, Hyung.” The maknae responded, particularly confused for the sudden shift but not daring to ask any questions.

Chan clapped “Okay, great. Minho, let’s-“

“I’m staying.” Minho said simply, placing himself by your side. Both you and Chan turned your heads to him abruptly.

“You are what?” You stepped away from him in disbelief. Your voice was a little higher than you wished. His face remained impassive, but there was something in his eyes that you quite put your finger on. “No, you are not.”

“Oh, come on. I’m not gonna do anything to you.” He exasperated.

You tried to sense his motives, but it made so little sense that it was hard to put some logic into it. Did he get some twisted pleasure from upsetting you? It could be. But again, not a month had passed after the incident at the company. Back then, the sight of you had triggered as far as rage in him. But even now, he didn't look exactly the type of person that was getting any satisfaction from being in your presence.

Chan’s tone was serious. “Minho,” His eyes left yours and shifted to the oldest, changing his demeanor in a bit. His posture was rigid, but his gaze carried a determined defiance. “What is going on?”

Minho pointed at you without adverting his eyes from Chan. You gasped angrily, about to protest, but he didn’t give you the space. “She is going on, hyung. Look at her. If not for the obvious signs of being ill, then for the fact she’s missing work to come to the hospital.”

You argued. “I’m missing work because my boss told me to!"

“Which only proves my point.” He continued, letting his hand fall right by his side. “Something is so obviously wrong that it was up to her boss to step in, or else I doubt she’d come by herself.”

Ouch. “Listen." You interrupted. "I don't know what's going on with you, but you’re making it way bigger than it actually is. I am okay and I most definitely do not need your help.” You glanced at Chris, but his attention was still directed to Minho. You could see the gears working in his head, but you decided it was time to leave. “It was great seeing you guys. I mean it. But I really don't have time for this. If you excuse me.” You turned your back and tried to leave, but in vain. Not even two steps later did a hand wrap around one of your wrists. Minho’s hold was gentle, but firm, and you tried to hide de burning in your cheeks. “YA!”

He pulled you closer than you were before, and his voice was deeper when he spoke. “How long has it been since you last saw your boyfriend?” You were dizzy. The sudden shift in subject, accompanied by the warmth Minho's hand transmitted to your wrist and the disdain he had put into the word 'boyfriend,' clouded your thinking.

“Jun?” You blinked, trying to disperse the fog, but the scent of his perfume was inebriating. Minho was too close. “I saw him yesterday.”

“You saw him yesterday?” Minho’s voice had a hint of disbelief, and he searched for lies in your eyes. You saw him becoming tense, and you prepared to feel his grip tightening, but the hold on your wrist remained the same. “Are you sure?”

“What?! Of course I am sure! What kind of question is that?” Angrily, you pulled your wrist away from his grasp. He let you, keeping his stare a little longer. “What is wrong with you?!” You turned your eyes to Chris, begging a way out of this insanity. You caught I.N behind him, almost as uncomfortable with the scene as you were. Chan sustained Minho’s gaze for a moment, and your eyes darted between the two of them. No words were spoken, but obviously they weren't needed. The silent conversation through telepathy or whatever the sorcery clearly didn't include you.

After what seemed like forever, Chan sighed, defeated. “Okay. Y/N," he turned to you. "do you mind if he accompanies you?”

“What?! This is madness! Of course I mind. I’m not a child!” You begged.

“It’s not that, sweetheart.” He got closer and you let him when he pulled you to a hug. “We’re just worried about you. We all know you’re very much capable of taking care of yourself.” He added the last phrase when he felt you were about to protest. “We just want to make sure you are okay and can go home safely afterwards.”

“I can do this by myself.” You mumbled.

“I know, I know. But Lee Know can’t. He won’t be able to rest if he doesn’t make sure you’re safe and sound.” He kissed your forehead. “And my mind will also be at ease if I know you’re with him.”

After a moment, you sighed. “Fine.” You accepted reluctantly, stepping away as Chan positioned himself next to the waiting maknae.

“Thank you, Y/N. You’re amazing. Lemme know how things go, yea?” Chan’s warm smile was impossible to be angry about. You nodded with your head and waved a tiny goodbye to I.N and watched them walk away.

Lee Know, didn't move an inch throughout the entire time.  When you turned to him, somehow, he seemed relaxed. Even his eyes had changed. Although they still carried a wince of something unknown - similar to concern but deeper in a way -, they were calmer. They were almost… gentle. It could’ve made you mad. He had made a huge thing out of nothing, stressed both you and Chris, and now dared to look at you with tenderness in his eyes. You exhaled, knowing it'd be pointless to yell at him. You were exhausted and had no energy spared to bicker. His motives was still undisclosed, but perhaps they weren’t important right now. You decided that your main task was to get whatever prescription as easily as possible, and then have a doctor to state you were not about to collapse. Then, not only would it solve the matter with your boss, but also it meant you would finally get rid of the man in front of you.

Okay, that sounds like a plan.

“Shall we?” Minho reached out his hand with an overly soft voice. You rolled your eyes.

"Weirdo." You cursed under your breath and avoided his hand, heading, finally, straight to the entrance. You did take note of the small chuckle he let out, and how he smoothly followed you behind.