#It's probably a practice bake so you'll get to eat it

[mymanymerrymuses]

Pietro is going to make some sweet Česnica (traditional Serbian Christmas bread that I'm saying Sokovia has too) so who is going to entertain him for an hour while it bakes??

[chrrychills]

we both like apple cider .

main six « sleepover w/ their s/o!

ashlyn banner:

•sleepover's probably at her house, it's more convenient that way. plus you can hangout in the bus graveyard!

•will make dinner and appreciates if you sit in the kitchen and talk to her.

•reluctantly allows you to do face masks on her– the only condition is that you're not allowed to take pictures. (you did anyway.)

•is ready for bed around 10 pm. She wants the two of you to get at least a little bit of rest before the shift at midnight.

•has a hard time falling asleep after the phantom realm, so the two of you probably stay up until 2-3 am talking.

•will cuddle for max 10 minutes, then she gets too hot or uncomfortable and moves away. she'll still be holding you hand or touching you in some way, though!

•overall very tame sleepover, just appreciates your presence.

aiden clark:

•you're not sleeping. at all. he will make it his mission to keep you up all night.

•will not be making dinner, he can't cook for shit. the two of you end up just ordering pizza instead of making the effort to cook.

•the two of you will most likely leave the house for some reason or another– wether that be snacks or something else.

•he's super cuddly when he's tired, so he'll practically cling to you when he's ready to sleep. usually doesn't rest before the shift, but tries to when he's with you because he doesn't want you to be tired in the phantom realm.

•either can't sleep or knocks out after the seven hours is up. if he's exhausted enough to sleep, it'll be the best sleep of your lives.

•will gladly allow you to do face masks, makeup, etc. he thinks it's fun, and likes seeing you happy.

•absolutely painting your face if you let him. if you don't, there's a good chance he does it while you sleep.

•overall, very chaotic. there's a 90% chance you'll wake up with face paint the next morning.

ben clark:

•either conks out at like 9:30 pm or stays up until dawn.

•you two will definitely be cooking/baking. he's an amazing baker, so whatever you make will taste amazing. (aiden's gonna come downstairs and eat like half of it in the middle of the night.)

•a big cuddler. even when he's sleeping, he has an iron grip on you. it comforts him, knowing that you're there with him.

•will spoon if you want but it isn't his favorite.

•matching pj pants. probably like black and grey plaid ones or something like that.

•usually starts winding down around 9 pm. he'll sit in bed and draw for half an hour or so, preferably with you cuddled up next to him.

•probably has a loud fan or white noise to sleep, but will absolutely turn it off if you ask.

•usually can't sleep after the phantom realm, but knocks out if you cuddle with him.

•very calm sleepover, he just wants to spend time with you. 10/10, sweetheart.

tyler hernandez:

•uses the time to pamper you, in his own subtle way. he'll make you dinner and spend most of the night attached to your side.

•super cuddly when he's tired, but will vehemently deny it if you bring it up after the fact.

•will force to you sleep or at least rest before the shift.

•loves cuddling. he relaxes immediately as soon as his arms are wrapped around you and your legs are tangled with his.

•falls asleep pretty quick. as soon as he allows himself to relax, he's out like a light.

•half expects your to just wear his clothes to bed. he's shocked (and slightly offended) when you bring your own clothes. it doesn't matter, since you usually end up in one of his hoodies or shirts anyways.

•goes to bed around 10:30-11:00. he's usually the one cleaning up dinner or something like that, so he doesn't usually wind down until 10.

•sleeps in a pitch black room with no noise. any stimulation will make it practically impossible for him to sleep.

•really calm. just wants to spend time with you, 10/10.

taylor hernandez:

•is so excited. she loves being around you, so being able to end her day with you bring her joy.

•movie night! you guys spend a bit too long picking a movie, and you both end up falling asleep about halfway through.

•a huge cuddler. she usually holds a stuffed animal when she sleeps, but now that you're here she can hold you instead!

•loves spooning– especially when she's little spoon. having your arms around her calms her down almost immediately.

•she says she wants to cook, but will probably get distracted and forget. you two will either end up eating tyler's cooking or ordering takeout at like 11:30.

•tries to get a good amount of sleep before the shift, so she tries to go to bed around 9:45-10:00. depending on how the day had been, you two either fall asleep super early or don't fall asleep at all.

•so exhausted after the shift and will fall asleep immediately.

•she tends to get night terrors, but she can calm herself down pretty quickly. when you're there, they either don't happen at all or are very rare.

•will most likely go on a rant about her club or a new project she had started. she usually doesn't realize she's rambling, and you don't have the heart to tell her.

logan fields:

•is super nervous and fidgety at first, but starts to relax and just focus on you the longer you're there.

•literally can't cook. at all. should not be allowed in a kitchen alone under any circumstances. he lets you cook dinner if you want to, but assures you that it's fine if you'd rather order takeout.

•sleeps pretty early, around 9:30. he really wants you two to rest before the shift so that you aren't tired and sluggish.

•he has a hard time falling back asleep after the shift, so he keeps a bottle of melatonin gummies in his cabinet and will offer you one if you need it.

•a light sleeper. if you move or pull away while you two are cuddling, he'll feel it and wake up immediately.

•you two probably won't leave the house, except to sit on the roof and stargaze. he spends more time admiring you than the sky and really hopes you don't notice.

•kinda nervous when it comes to cuddling. he probably has a tremor or something along those lines, so his hands are pretty much always shaky.

lacey's notes: hi!! i'm so sorry i haven't updated like i said i would. i'm finally home after my vacation, so i should be able to start updating more.

i wanted to get this out since it's been in my drafts for weeks. i want to thank everyone for the requests, and i'll start working on them shortly!

[sylveon-and-velveon]

Playing "4 Big Guys" around the slashers

Shitpost idea has been made, so here XD

This will include: Michael Myers {OG & RZ}, Brahms Heelshire, Jason Voorhees, Billy Lenz, Freddy Krueger, Stu Macher, Billy Loomis, Thomas Hewitt, Bubba Sawyer, Harry Warden, Tiffany Valentine

Feel free to request any shitpost writing prompt ideas you can think of in my asks, I love silly non-serious ideas XD

Given the music is VERY adult related, this is 18+ ONLY

OG Michael Myers

Ain't gonna lie, the second you play that song he's probably staring at you instantly. Anger? Disappointment? Cursing your entire family and possible future children? Who knows! It's Michael-Fucking-Myers baby!!!

He's not used to anything sexual overall so hearing a song openly sing about gay sex, and in such a detailed way, would worry him. Not for the singer, no- more on your taste in music.

And don't even get me started on when he hears about shit being involved. The second he hears that being mentioned he's turning off the music entirely, patting your head, and dragging you away so you'll listen to something he likes instead to cleanse that weird mind of yours. Like... Kate Bush or something.

He'd like Kate Bush right? He looks like a Kate Bush enjoyer.

RZ Michael Myers

Judging you, hard. Though he ain't saying it. His aura is practically smellable he's judging you so hard.

Does he like it? No. It's loud, obnoxious, and profound filled. Ignoring the obvious "gay sex and other weirdness" part, the volume of the music reminds him of his childhood.

He's smashing the device the music is coming from. He doesn't care if it's your MP3 all the way to a damn TV or Alexa, he's smashing that shit to pieces if it means he doesn't need to hear it anymore.

What would he put on instead? Calming ambient noises that play for hours on end on YouTube. It's the exact opposite of whatever hellscape you just played. It's better.

Brahms Heelshire

Well first of all it ain't classical, so that's a point on the "I Hate This" list.

Second it's not a piano.

Third it's literally "4 Big Guys"-

Not only is this poor man confused about everything the singer is saying, I highly doubt his parents explained LGBTQ+ to him, he's also hating how loud it is.

"Who puts things up their ass?" - Brahms Heelshire 2024

You turn off the music yourself when he practically begs you to.

You're probably tryna hold in your laughter while he's sitting on the floor trying to figure out what the fuck he just heard.

Jason Voorhees

Is there a bigger word for "traumatized"? Because that man earns it.

You're lucky af, if his mom was live she'd hit you with a crowbar so fast- Not kill you tho, she wouldn't dare hurt her boy.

But yeah, he's not saying anything, nor moving. Bro's too traumatized. LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE-

You better give him his teddy he fucking deserves it TmT

Laughing his ass off until the shit is mentioned, even this horny gremlin has his limits.

Can you tell I hate shit kinks? XD

He'd want an apology for you blasting that song so far to that section. But no music! He hates Christmas songs, they're so repetitive and they all sound the same anyway.

Bake him a cake, the more unique the better. His favourite so far is red velvet with cream cheese frosting!

Then when he's finished eating you're getting railed by him not longer after, man's not changed. Not now, not ever.

Freddy Krueger

You can play this entire song with this man on REPEAT and he'd be fine with it.

I'd be surprised if he didn't given his track record and.... slicing open his skin to reveal green "blood" and maggots crawling out.

Would he laugh the first time? ABSOLUTELY!

Would he jokingly sing along, probably.

But he would TOTALLY play this song when going after his victims sometimes. Imagine dying and the last thing you hear is:

"4 BIG GUYS AND THEY GRAB ON MY THIGHS-"

Stu Macher & Billy Loomis

Billy is concerned for your wellbeing. Especially when you start singing it at full force with Stu joining in not long after.

Yeah Stu is enjoying this to the max!

Finds it hilarious, who the fuck wouldn't when you've got humour more broken than Brahms' doll-

But seeing you enjoying yourself to this.... absurdity, at least makes Billy calm down from worry. Now he's just concerned your taste in music may infiltrate your taste in movies.

I doubt the man's used to hearing music.... imagine this being his first time hearing it-

OMG he'd probably think this is normal for music.

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE??? XD

If it's not his first time hearing music though? No concern, laughter, nothing. He's neutral, given that this is something that makes you a little chaotic gremlin.

He's happy seeing you comfortable enough around to be a "gremlin" as you call it.

Bubba Sawyer

Don't traumatize him more than he's been already!!

Sure he doesn't realise it, or the fact he's used to it, but the poor guy's already traumatized-

Though he's probably more confused in the whole scheme of things. I mean, he knows what sex is. But just the surface of it.

So he's probably just learnt way too much in such a short period of time.

Oh lord what have you done-

Harry Warden

Okay first of all, why is there no GIF of this man? WTF????

Second; man's from the mines, man's old fashioned, you've probably just thrown way too much modern shit in his face way too quickly that he's just staring at you, the music video, and then the floor.

Poor miner is so confused, especially when the "cum starts spraying".

Oh god he'll probably think it's like dust from the mines spraying everywhere.

Fucking hell that's a vision-

Tiffany Valentine

Finds it amusing? Yes.

Judging? Not as much as you'd expect.

Girl's been through a wild ride, hearing you blast out "4 Big Guys" from your phone wouldn't be the most shocking thing in the world.

Hell. she'd probably encourage you to start singing along to it XD

Oh she's gonna use that song to torture someone with it. She doesn't know how yet, but she's got the idea in her head now

[bitterchocoo]

hi can i request wxs with a reader who bakes a lot, and often surprises them with fresh pastries? if you dont wanna write all of them just rui or emu is fine! 😊

It Only Takes a Taste

Wonderland X Showtime | M. Reader

----------

"You remind me of a girl I once knew.."

----------

Tsukasa Tenma

Will praise your baking skills like there's no tomorrow.

You once make star-shaped sugar cookies for him and he cherishes that thing like it's a real star.

100% brags about having someone who has amazing baking skils

If he sees you baking in the kitchen, he'll help you and you don't have the right to say no. I mean just look at him! Don't you see how he shines brighter than the freaking sun at the thought of baking with you?

The face he makes every time he takes the first bite is always priceless. His eyes practically sparkle.

Also suggested that you should open a bakery, claiming that, "with your skills you'll definitely become a famous baker in no time!"

Rui Kamishiro

Will tease you for giving him a surprise pastry.

Definitely eats them as a snack as he builds his inventions and draws his blueprints.

Either that or midnight snack. Let's be honest, he probably only gets 3 hours of sleep at best with how many inventions he makes. Not to mention those ideas of his.

If he ever catches you baking, it can and will turn into a flour fight. Honestly it'll probably be a war that ends with the kitchen being all messy.

Jokingly say "My compliments to the baker." although he truly meant it.

Nene Kusanagi

Will act all shy because she never has anyone give her anything and a surprise at that?

Definitely eats them as a snack while she plays her video games.

If she sees you baking in the kitchen, she'll try her best to help you. Cooking Mama style. Do the Mama accent and you either get a laugh or a jab in the gut.

She either groans or giggles as you make a Minecraft reference while making a cake/cookies.

She probably suggested you make foods from different games/shows. For example, cookie cat from Steven Universe, butterscotch cinnamon pie from Undertale, the cake from Portal, etc etc.

One day you surprised her by making bacon pancakes from Adventure Time for breakfast and her face lit up.

Emu Otori

Congratulations, you've officially become her favorite person.

Will ask you directly if you have any pastries with you. Who can blame her? It's delicious! And if she could she'll eat it all day everyday!

If she sees you baking in the kitchen, she'll be super excited at the thought of helping you. Imagine a child who wanted to help their parents cook/bake with stars in their eyes, yeah, that's her.

Will also suggest you to open a bakery.

Gives you a small kiosk in Phoenix Wonderfully because she thinks that everyone should try your pastries and it would definitely, absolutely, 100%, guarantee, make everyone smile with just a single bite with how delicious it is.

----------

Another day, another show, another successful day for the troupe.

"You guys did wonderful today, a total of 246 tickets were sold." [Name] stated, looking through the clipboard in his hand.

He's been friends with Tsukasa since childhood who have found joy in the world of theater although not being talented in either singing or dancing, [Name] has become their manager. He's quite grateful for such an opportunity. After all, what's a troupe without a manager?

His carrying nature made him the perfect manager for the troupe and they can't ask for a better manager.

"246 tickets!? That's a lot!" Emu cheered, it's only been a few months since they all started their path towards their dreams and to think they've already made such a progress. "Of course! It's only expected that people wanted to see our show! To see a star!" Tsukasa claims as he smiles proudly at their achievement.

Nene merely smiles as she watches the group being happy at their rising to stardom. "So manager, what's on our schedule for today?" Rui asked curiously.

"Why don't we have a break? It's been a long day."

.

.

.

As the group have a small break, [Name] left to grab something before long he returns with....

"Cookies! You're the best [Name]!" Emu cheered, her eyes sparkles the moment her eyes locked on the small container in their manger's hands. "When did you have the time to do this?" Nene asked.

[Name] puts the container on the table, smiling softly as he watch the group enjoy the cookies he made. He had always enjoy baking and surprising them with fresh pastries had easily became a hobby of his. "I managed." He replied, taking a seat next to Nene.

"Hmm~ You should open a bakery! These are delicious!" Tsukasa compliments as he took another bite of the cookie. "Fufu~ as expected of our manager~" Rui chuckles, eating the pastry with a cheshire grin.

"Honestly, you don't have to.." Nene says, nibbling on the cookie. "But I wanted to~ plus seeing your guys faces every time I gave pastries are always a joy to see~"

Their manager's baking skills had never failed to surprise them. They look absolutely adorable and they're really delicious! The first time he does this, they thought it would just be a one time thing but as time passes. [Name] continues to give them copious amounts of pastries.

They're forever grateful for their manager, not only for the pastries, but for his whole support.

It won't be long until their little theater troupe would make it big and they have their manager to thank them. Who knows? Maybe [Name] might actually start a bakery with Wonderland X Showtime promoting it? Killing two birds with one stone, no?

[traldemic6]

Jock Son to Fat Son - a Male WG Story

The town of Middlebury, Indiana, was home to a mother named Diane and her son, Mark. Mark was a handsome, athletic young man with a bright future ahead of him. He was the star of his high school football team, admired by his peers and respected by his coaches. Diane was a devoted mother, attending every one of Mark's games and cheering him on from the sidelines. Over time, however, she developed a mischievous side, and began to take a strange amusement in her son's weight.

It all started innocently enough. Mark had always been a big eater, but Diane started to sneak in extra portions to his meals. She began adding more butter, sugar, and cream to his dishes, carefully disguising the extra calories in his food. At first, she was merely curious about how he would react, but soon the idea of Mark gaining weight became an obsession for her. She would giggle to herself as she saw her son’s athletic frame begin to fill out.

As the months went by, Mark's once chiseled body started to soften. His developing gut and increasingly fat backside became more and more noticeable. Diane delighted in watching the gradual changes, and began to secretly document her son's transformation with photographs. She would capture candid shots of him eating, lounging, and even struggling to fit into his old clothes. Each photo was a testament to the success of her mischievous plan.

"Mom, do you think my clothes are shrinking? They feel tight lately," Mark asked one day, trying to button his jeans.

"Oh, honey, it's probably just a growth spurt. I'll buy you some new clothes soon," Diane replied, suppressing a grin.

One summer day, as Mark and his friends headed to the local swimming pool, Diane couldn't help but notice how his once-toned abs had been replaced by a softer, protruding belly. She tagged along, snapping pictures of her son as he struggled to hoist himself onto the diving board. His tight swimming trunks strained against his expanding waistline and his plump backside, and the way his body jiggled when he hit the water brought a smile to her face.

As the seasons changed, so did Mark's body. His once lightning-fast speed on the football field had slowed to a lumbering jog. Diane would sit in the bleachers, chuckling to herself as she captured photos of him struggling to keep up during practice. His teammates, bewildered by his rapid decline, began to lose patience with him. His coach, frustrated and concerned, urged Mark to get back in shape, but Diane's culinary temptations proved too strong for him to resist.

At home, Diane continued to cook Mark's favorite meals, but with double the portions and extra helpings of dessert. She couldn't help but notice how he would sneak into the kitchen late at night, unclothed, to scarf down slices of cake or pie. Rather than scold him, she encouraged his indulgences, even making sure to bake extra desserts just for him. Diane would hide nearby, snapping pictures of her son in his most vulnerable state, as he gorged himself on sweets.

"Mom, I can't stop eating these desserts. They're just so good," Mark said one night, his cheeks full of cake.

"I'm glad you like them, dear. It's important to treat yourself every now and then," Diane replied, hiding her true intentions behind a sweet smile.

Mark's weight continued to balloon, and he was no longer able to play on the football team. He would sit on the sidelines, his once-athletic body now struggling to fit into the team uniform. Despite the whispers and stares from his classmates, Diane couldn't help but feel a twisted sense of satisfaction. She continued her photographic documentation, capturing Mark's misery as he watched his former teammates play without him.

"Mom, I can't believe I've been benched. I used to be the star of the team," Mark lamented one day after practice, his voice tinged with sadness.

Diane placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry, honey. You'll bounce back. In the meantime, let's focus on keeping you happy and healthy," she said, secretly planning to sabotage his efforts at every turn.

As Mark's health began to decline, his mother continued to encourage his weight gain. She would bring him treats and sugary drinks while he sat in front of the television, and watched as he gobbled them up without a second thought. His once-muscular legs now rubbed together when he walked, and his face had grown round and full. Diane's photo collection grew along with her son, and she carefully organized the images into albums, chronicling his descent into morbid obesity.

With each passing year, Mark's weight gain continued unchecked. His once-promising athletic career had been replaced by a sedentary lifestyle, and his health was in a state of rapid decline. Friends and family members expressed concern, but Mark found it difficult to resist the comforting meals and treats his mother continued to provide.

One evening, as Mark sat on the couch, huffing and puffing from the effort of walking across the room, he confronted his mother. "Mom, I think my weight is getting out of control. I need your help to turn things around."

Diane feigned concern, but her mind was racing with ways to maintain her twisted amusement. "Of course, dear. We'll start a new diet and exercise plan tomorrow. I promise I'll be there to support you every step of the way."

However, Diane's support was superficial at best. While she claimed to be on board with Mark's efforts, she continued to sneak calorie-laden treats into his meals and tempt him with the irresistible aroma of freshly baked goods. Mark, unable to resist the allure of his mother's culinary creations, continued to pack on the pounds.

Years passed, and Mark's weight gain continued unchecked. His dreams of athletic stardom had been replaced by a life of struggling to breathe and move under the crushing weight of his own body. And Diane, the architect of her son's downfall, would always carry the secret of her twisted amusement with her, never revealing the true extent of her role in his tragic transformation. The albums filled with photos of Mark's descent into obesity became her private, guilty pleasure – a dark reminder of the perverse joy she derived from her son's suffering.

[colourstreakgryffin]

Just figured out you are taking requests for my sweetie L lawliet, so could you do L lawliet with a little sister (reader) probably a 8-10 year age gap between them, she's shy, introverted, quiet, and is always avoiding anyone other than L. She's sneaky and noisy. Her and L has that same crouching position while sitting, you'll never catch her eating anything unless she's eating with L. She's always around L and is with him while sleeping or basically while L speaks on the computer about cases she'll be there sleeping quietly in his lap She's a mini version of him and if she speaks to someone she either responds very mean and blunt with a monotone voice like she doesn't care or will just respond with one word or just a nod. Just recently thought of this sooo yeah🤯!! Anyways have a good day💕

Hmmm! So we’re basically just L again! Well… I suppose I can try already but thank you anyway, I’ll do my best!

Lawliet L- Kindred Shackle

A second L you say? The Taskforce will blow up in flames when they meet you, stood alongside your biological older brother, L. Not in a bad way but in a; “God, there’s two of them” way. One L is bad enough, two Ls is almost like hell

You and L match so much, you might as well wear matching clothes or be the same age since you two mirror each other to a extreme. You’re just as introverted and quiet as L, you’re just as devoted and stubborn, and most importantly, you’re as attached to L as attached he is to you

No joke. You will not eat nor sleep without L present and he knows that as much. So he has you hooked to his hip 24/7 and he never lets you out of his sight. All to make sure you’re healthy and okay

L views you as a cute little lady and he does get a bit scolding when you speak all monotone and blunt to people. Cmon, be nicer! He always tries to encourage you to be a kind, sweet young lady since he wants you to have friends. You should have everything he can’t have

L doesn’t really mind having a littlest sister as clingy and puppy-like as you. You’re a very helpful source, both in work and in his person as he can rely on you in all fields, rather you be MUCH younger than him. He’s 24 and you’re 15!

L believes he works better with you around. Either sleeping on his back or baking with Watari only a couple feet by him, he is fully convinced you provide him with the energy and motivation to work harder on cases, especially the Kira case

L prefers you not adapt to his habits in the slightest. His insomniac sleep patterns, his sugary diet. He is a awful role model and he knows that so he openly tells you to never follow in his footsteps and be like him; it may be intriguing but to him, your health is so much more important than a title

L is a very loving older brother. He may not seem like it but he is, he’ll comb fingers through your hair to help you fall asleep faster, he’ll buy you all kinds of cute accessories and clothes, he is practically your caretaker as the only family you have left. It explains the equal attachment you both have for one another;

L carefully shuffled against the plush couch cushions in order to get more comfortable whilst you were cuddled up in his lap and arms, he had you caged to his scrawny chest with the way his arms stretch out to type on his laptop, the jingle of metallic chains echoing through the spacious room with each wrist movement. You had always been next to L, ever since he willingly took on this horribly deadly murder case and you were willingly to die for your older brother

He is the only thing you have. And you are the only thing he has, L remembers how he carried the only few months year old newborn you through the orphanage when Watari was introducing him to the establishment and the children inside. How he beat down every single one of the kids that dared to try touch you, no, L will never let anybody touch you. Especially when you’re asleep and vulnerable

Light merely approaching or leaning over to L at the very moment to discuss topics or hand over file documents had the pale insomniac man kicking at him in a protective panic. L almost lost you to a horrible rainstorm-induced cold, where he had to use everything his IQ could prosper at that young age to produce a effective medicine alternative to save your life. After that, L has always been overprotective and as your caretaker, he must do everything to raise you and still work as the World’s Greatest Detective

He was very against you joining the case but you went everywhere with him, to every case and to every country. He would never leave you alone, not even for a minute. The only person he truly trusted you with was Watari but since the beloved elderly man was nowhere to be seen, L has to protect you from basically nothing but his own anxiety. He knew his protectiveness was nonsense but he didn’t care, his brotherly love was stronger than his rationality

You’re the only blood he has left in this cruel harsh world and you’re now sitting in the building complex where the Police try track down the world’s most deadly killer. He can’t lose you. To nothing, no Kira, no Taskforce, no wannabe Detective Ls. He will die to the Death Note for you and only you, he won’t let Kira discover your name and drag you into heaven far too early. You must live your life first and if risking his means it will happen, it will happen at all causes

“Dokusha… sweetheart. Up you go, Watari has arrived to transport you to our room. Don’t fret, I’ll be joining you after I’m finished with my duties here, alright?”

[toadstoolgardens]

Eat & Destroy: Garlic Mustard

Fuck garlic mustard (in North America, anyway)! This plant is highly invasive and a serious threat to native plants through overcrowding, prolific seeding, and allellopathy. Brought to North America from Europe in the 1800s as a food plant, garlic mustard has now gone completely feral. In Europe garlic mustard or Jack by the Hedge is native and has it's place in the food chain.

Garlic mustard is also edible and tasty raw or cooked. You may have seen posts encouraging eating invasives, which is great and yes you should! But with garlic mustard harvesting for eating does nothing to control it's spread. If you want to make a difference in the biodiversity of your local woodlands you'll have to do more than forage. You need to eat and destroy.

Finding & Identifying Garlic Mustard

This bastard of a plant can grow just about anywhere. Roadsides, along forest edges, along creeks and streams, in open forest, in parks, around the city, and everywhere in between. And when you find it you'll probably find a lot of it.

Garlic mustard is a biennial herb that sends up tiny leaves in the first year and grows basal rosettes of leaves and tall flower stalks in the second year. The leaves have scalloped edges and are fairly round and kidney-shaped around the basal rosette and become more triangular as they move up the stalk. The stems are often purple-tinged. When crushed the leaves will give off their distinct garlicy smell. When fully grown it can reach up to 3 feet all.

In order to effectively remove garlic mustard you'll need to pull it before it flowers and seeds. It will likely flower somewhere around March-May depending on your area. The flowers are small, white, with four petals and the seed pods form on the stem beneath. The long, thin seed pods are about two inches long with small black seeds.

Harvesting Garlic Mustard for Eating

To harvest garlic mustard simply use your fingers and snap off the top tender portion of the stem and leaves, usually the top 6-12 inches. The stem should snap easily. The younger the plants the stronger their flavor.

Many foragers say the tastiest time to harvest garlic mustard is when the flowers are budding, but garlic mustard tops can bloom and go to seed even after you've picked them! A slightly more succulent stem isn't worth risking bringing invasive garlic mustard seeds home with you!!

Eating Garlic Mustard

The leaves and stems of garlic mustard are edible cooked or raw. The leaves have a mustard green/garlic-like flavor with some bitterness. The stem is the most delicious part. It's sweet and garlicy like a mix between a snap pea and a garlic scape.

Eat them raw, blend them up, saute them, steam them, add them to pestos and hummus, add them to pastas and soups and sauces, bake the leaves into chips, there's so many options with garlic mustard.

Removing & Managing Garlic Mustard

Now that you have plenty of garlic mustard tops to eat, let's destroy the rest!!!

To properly remove garlic mustard each plant needs to be pulled up root and all and either burned or suffocated to death. It takes some work so grab some foraging friends and organize a garlic mustard pull! Pull from the base of the stem to have the best chance of getting the whole root out.

Once you've pulled and gathered up all your garlic mustard roots and shoots, do not compost them!! They can still flower and seed and continue spreading. Instead you'll want to either:

Burn the fuck out of them. Burn them as soon as possible because as they dry the seed pods can still burst open and spread. Practice good fire safety and dance around it while you watch your plant enemies burn.

If you're not able to have a fire, your next best option is to suffocate them. Bag up the garlic mustard in opaque bags and leave them in the sun to die.

Remember where the patch of garlic mustard was and return at least once a year and repeat. With regular pulling you will deplete the garlic mustard's seed bank, but full removal can take years of regular pulling. It's a slow but important battle and you are making a difference with each plant pulled!!

Management Tips:

Don't leave any pulled garlic mustard on the ground because (you guessed it) it can still flower and seed. Make sure to gather and take it all with you to burn/suffocate.

Mowing is not effective for the same reason. Mowing when the seed pods are present will make things even worse!

Brush off your shoes and clothes before leaving the garlic mustard patch. Don't take home sneaky seeds

Some areas offer free control for invasive species like garlic mustard. Look into if there's any city or county weed control programs near you (and make sure they don't control by spraying chemicals!)

Some areas hold volunteer workdays to pull garlic mustard and teach proper management. Look into nature centers and volunteer groups near you, or start and plan your own!

If everyone interested in foraging went out and ate and destroyed a patch of garlic mustard, we might see a day where it's no longer a threat to our native woodlands! Be safe and happy foraging!🌱

Source, Source, Lyle, Katie Letcher. The Complete Guide to Edible Wild Plants, Mushrooms, Fruits, and Nuts. 2017. Pp. 16-18

[elliespuns]

Do you think joel was a good cook or couldn't boil water to save his life lol. I feel like I read a lot of fics where joel couldnt' even cook an egg as a single dad, but idk i feel like either he could be really good at cooking, or he was okay at it but he had a couple of dishes that he could cook really well, like chili or something lmao or some southern dish.

As a single father with a teenage daughter and not enough money to live high on the fog, I'd say he had to be able to cook. I don't think he was great, because he surely didn't have enough time to practice in the kitchen with having to work all the time to take care of the bills and other things, and because they would mostly end up ordering takeout or pizza with Sarah. But I believe he would enjoy cooking on weekends, with Sarah helping him out (or making fun of him).

He was probably more likely to make the easiest dishes out there. Like mixing rice or pasta with meat and vegetables and either serving it just like this (either hot or cold) or baking it with cheese on top or something like this. He was probably good at preparing meat too, like roasting chicken or pork and then eating it with plain or roasted potatoes, or just making spaghetti meatballs, the easiest dish out there. I can also see Joel making homemade pizza by throwing cheese on a dough with mushrooms, pepperoni, and ham. Nothing revolutionary or nutritious, but doable and edible.

Imagining Joel probably had a grill in his backyard, he would spend his summer days with Sarah just barbecueing. He would have a good steak once in a while, and Sarah would love grilled corn. They both probably liked grilled vegetable kabobs too. But they would have mostly just burgers anyway since they couldn't get enough of these. And of course, he can't forget about salads; he would also make all sorts of salads if he was lazy: chicken salad, summer salad, lentil salad, you name it.

I don't think he was a bad cook. I think he would do really well if he tried. I think he also had a few tricks up his sleeve. Like making the best baked chicken/beef tacos or lasagna, which I can imagine were Sarah's favorites. Or something like parmesan garlic roasted potatoes, which he would look up on the internet and make for Sarah because he knew how much she loved parmesan and potatoes.

And not to forget about Ellie, I am sure she had a chance to taste some of his specialties too. There wouldn't probably be that many options in the post-apocalyptic world, but I bet my shoes that Ellie would love his parmesan garlic roasted potatoes, making him happy to remember Sarah loved those too. 

"Joel, these are so fucking delicious!" She says, around a mouthful of the savory potatoes, working another spoonful of them into her mouth. "Promise me..." She swallows. "Promise me you'll make these again."

"Sure, kiddo." He chuckles, pleased with himself, wishing he can make himself stop grinning. "Easy, though. Don't choke on them." This warms his heart.

"Fuck it, I would die for these potatoes!"

[bokettochild]

Madam Pancake, I would love if you would indulge me so as to answer this simple question:

...

What's your pancake recipe because they look like really good or even just some advice for pancakes. Yours look like really good and the only time I've ever made half decent pancakes were from a box- And I just want to be able to make nice pancakes. Feel free to ignore this ask as I'msure you're busy or perhaps you want to keep your pancake secrets to yourself.

Your truly, Canpake

I'm happy to share!

2 & 1/4 cups of unbleached flour 1/8 cup of white sugar 1 & 1/2 TBSP of baking powder 2 eggs 2 cups buttermilk 1/4 cup oil

I tend to mix the flour, sugar and baking powder in a large bowl before adding the wet ingredients. Rather than using a whisk, I use a fork, but I'm not sure if that does anything for the consistency. I mix them until the batter is smooth, no lumps or bumps or anything, and making sure there's no flour getting forgotten at the bottom of the bowl. this can take a bit but it's worth it!

After it's mixed, I pour it into a saucepan. I use an electric stove and usually have the burner on medium heat. Cover the bottom of the pan in batter, letting it settle and then just waiting. I usually watch until it starts bubbling on top before flipping it over. Don't press on your pancake while it's cooking because you want it to gather air inside. Once it's lightly browned on both sides you are probably good to eat, but it is a practice thing because they can end up doughy in the center, so check them before serving (stab it)

The freshness of your buttermilk and how well you mix it are the key points to making them fluffy, or at least that's the only thing I can find to make sure they end up that way, If all goes well though, you'll have some big fluffers by the end!

They end up flat sometimes, but no worries because they're still filling and tasty! Just keep an eye on it while it's in the pan! (and use a small pan, this does effect the cooking and fluffiness for the better).

Enjoy!

[toomuchracket]

Adding to the flatmate picnic ask, I think it’s pre condom gate so he bursts into her bedroom in the morning like ‘wake up! It’s picnic day!’

Fluff request! A picnic with flatmate. I bet he even insists you guys bake a cake to bring with you. And he defo makes chocolate covered strawberries the night before, putting them in the fridge to set.

this is so so sweet!! i think this is early spring, just after easter, and you both have a free couple of days and the weather is nice, and so you quite tentatively poke your head round the door of matty's room to be like "do you fancy... going for a picnic with me tomorrow? thought it might be fun". and matty's face just softens into a really sweet smile like "yeah!" and he jumps up like "wait can we make cake to bring with us?" and you're like "YES great idea let's do it"; the two of you go to the kitchen and make some little chocolate cupcakes (you have to intervene before matty adds all the cocoa powder to the already-moving stand mixer at once and makes a mess), then melt down your remaining easter eggs to make cornflake krispie cakes and - at matty's request - chocolate-covered strawberries. he kinda takes charge on those, and he lets you eat one before they go in the fridge; he has to distract himself with the dishes right after, though, because you get a little bit of chocolate on the side of your mouth and all he can think about is kissing it off. but yeah, the next morning matty's so so excited to have the cutest day with you and pretend he's your boyfriend - he's awake early, he takes his time picking out an outfit (because he knows you'll have some gorgeous little dress or something on) and making sure his hair looks cute before he bursts into your room at 8am like "morning sweetheart! come on, time to get up, it's picnic day". and he's trying so hard not to melt at how cutely grumpy you look, bleary-eyed and wild-haired and adorable in your cute pyjamas; you also take note of how cute matty looks, which softens the blow of being abruptly awoken. you're like "is there coffee?" and matty's like "duh who tf do you think i am?", and you grin and give him a little hug as you slide past him to get to the caffeine like "you look very handsome today, by the way. that t-shirt makes your eyes look really pretty", which naturally makes matty blush like a teenage girl lol. he takes charge of making sandwiches and assembling all the picnic snacks while you get ready, and tries so hard not to straight-up swoon when you reappear in a cap-sleeve sundress - naturally, it's your turn to blush when matty calls you beautiful. and the picnic itself is so cute! you wander down to a nearby park and settle yourselves on the grass near the pond (you get very excited when you see the ducks, and subsequently throw a napkin at matty's head when he likens you to tony soprano because of it), and probably take some cute pics of the other with all the cakes and strawberries and sandwiches lol. and you chat and joke as you work your way through the contents of the cool bag, sharing cigs when you feel like it; when it comes to the strawberries matty made yesterday, you're insistent on feeding him the first one, which both of you are internally like "this is relationship behaviour but who gives a shit" about. that is, until matty moans at the taste and you realise you're practically sitting on his lap, at which point you scooch back and busy yourself by trying a strawberry too - fine for you, but the little content noise you make and the way your lips wrap around the berry has a ridiculous effect on matty lmao. but within a couple of minutes you're back chatting as normal, you repeatedly refusing matty's requests to "race to that tree there and back" and the two of you petting a dog that bounds over to you happily, just enjoying the lovely day together <3

[gemma-collins-ily]

heya! saw your prompt list and number 14 with jesper as the character in mind is so hilarious yet endearing to me - imagine jesper trying to cook something that his mother always cooked for him before and is confident that he memorized the recipe but both of them end up almost burning down the kitchen. the reader might say something along the lines of "Maybe you should stick to sharp-shooting, Jes." before they both burst out laughing. (i'm not sure if someone already requested this but i'm requesting it anyway) ♡︎♡︎♡︎

Baking/Cooking with Jesper Fahey

a/n - sorry everything is taking so long but here's something! hope it's good! and it's also not proofread and wasn't written on the same day so may be less than coherent :)

warnings: mentions of food, eating etc.

oml the chaos

okokok

so

it's someone's birthday in the Dregs, and Jesper decides the two of you should follow a recipe that he always did when he was younger

you're not sure how true this is as he barely seems to recall what was in it

subsequently, you decide to attempt a draft of sorts before actually making the real cake

Jesper gathers ingredients and is actually so dedicated after all the planning that he spends the money as he first intended

you're proud :)

anyways

he gets back to the Slat and immediately comes to your room, grinning like the Cheshire Cat

you look up and match his beaming smile before following him downstairs

oh yeah, you also have to keep your arms out protectively to catch anything he drops

because he will drop something

and he didn't stop to put the ingredients in the kitchen when he got back

you also have to pick up the flour that he dropped on the way up and cradle it to your chest

he was about to trip on it

"Thanks, love. However, I have such grace and agility that I simply would have avoided that and continued to make my way with the utmost-"

then he actually does trip

over literally nothing

he catches himself before he completely falls

but icing sugar still billows in a cloud, even if the packaging is sealed

you're stood on a step, having been behind him and just staring

obviously, your free arm was reached out to try to help but it didn't do much

he just looks at the floor for a second, then you, then the floor again

"Oh Saints, we need to clean this before Kaz kills us."

there's a point where you both walk down the rest of the staircase slowly, avoiding the mini icing sugar mountain on the floor

you're both practically shell-shocked, treading your way to the kitchen, you taking some items off of Jesper for balance and to protect them from him

as soon as the stuff is set down on a counter, you start laughing slightly hysterically together

"Kaz'll hear us! Be quiet!"

His grey eyes grow large before Jesper quickly shuts up, grabbing a brush from the corner and crossing back to the stairs. He sweeps quickly and you're none too sure how effective it really is because he only stares at you the whole time.

after that, you begin getting out bowls, opening cupboards for inventory of what you already have

he's half scrawled a recipe

it slowly becomes more and more to the point

like step one is really detailed and takes up a third of the paper

then step two is only 'eggs. beat together smoothly. pour in with butter and...' and then there's a splatter of ink, a clear sign of hesitation, 'flour?'

you ask Jesper if it's meant to be flour, and he's so prescious

he's like yeah duh

then he cocks his head to the side like he's suddenly unsure

"Are you sure it's not sugar?" Your eyebrows raise, awaiting an answer that looks like it might not even confirm anything by the look on his face.

he relents

so step one isn't a complete disaster

however, sugar still ends up on the floor and you put on shoes so that the grains don't annoy you

you've descended into madness, aLREADY

so you don't bother sweeping the sugar up

you figure you'll probably only get more on the floor later

step two's fine until you ask him about vanilla extract and he just stands there

he forgot it

luckily, you find some in the cupboard

unluckily, you're estimating every ingredient

so Jesper just sort of chucks in a bit

obviously not really not you're meant to do

but it's whatever

I think he kind of just believes that this recipe can't go wrong because he never saw it go wrong when it was made for him when he was little

and he just views every recipe as resolute because of this

he thinks whatever he does to it, it can't be that bad, right?

wrong

you have a classic cutesy flour fight but with very limited flour because you honestly have no clue how much to use for the batter

you two still have a scrap of sanity and so remember to prioritise the cake first

so some flour gets dumped in the bowl, then he 'accidently' spills some on your arm and you 'accidently' wipe your arm on his own

the cake gets baked

Jesper literally crouches and promises to watch it the whole time

spoiler

he doesn't

he ends up watching you instead, admiring

you're also doing the same to him so it's not like you can criticise

it burns

literally chars

and smokes

you have to open windows and doors

he pulls out the result and puts it on a mat

you just watch the destruction tbh

you see him get slightly sad and then do the classic 'chop off the burnt bits, maintain its shape (ish), slather it in icing and no one will tell the difference'

Nina and Matthias are chief taste testers and this actually works

but it only works because the cake tastes so bad anyways that it wouldn't have mattered if you had actually given them the burnt offcuts

"They're trying not to hurt our feelings, aren't they?"

"Yup."

you attempted this baking thing a week before the birthday

this means Jesper insists you have more time to practice

not really a good idea but for the next five days you keep trying at this one recipe whenever you aren't on heists

more flour fights, more approximate measuring and more sweeping up fallen ingredients

more terrible cakes

they do slowly get better and eventually, on the fifth day you have something that didn't burn, looks quite nice, has just the right amount of icing

and is missing baking powder

it's flat

it's FLAT

you sit at the table, a slice of cake each and chairs a little too close to be practical, with the edges of them bumping against each other

his arm is around your shoulders and you lean on his shoulder

"Saints, maybe you should stick to sharpshooting, Jes."

All he does is laugh, exhausted, and you join in. You sit under the moonlight at ten bells and decide maybe tomorrow you should take a break from baking.

after the actual cake is finally baked, you two are so relieved

and it's actually an alright cake

but you won't ever be making that particular recipe that ways again

you actually began to measure ingredients approximately which is probably why it improved

every now and then you still have a solid week of obsession with getting a new recipe right

for a random gift, you go out and buy Jesper a stack of old recipes

he tackles you in a hug

a week before your birthday, he disappears every night

on the actual day, you are presented with a singular cupcake with a candle

he later tells you bashfully that the rest were burnt

you return the fact that you don't mind and that enough icing will mask the taste

he kisses you, sticky sweet

so, you share baking together, laugh at the things that go wrong and continue to cut off the burnt bits

[loser-jpg]

I hope u are still taking requests 🤗

So a oneshot with twst boys where yuu is going through a lot but doesn’t like to share it with her friends bcoz she thinks they won’t care ( because of her past experience with her friends) . Just a comfort fic with all of them trying to comfort them in their own way

I only write gn or masc reader so i switched it to gn, hope thats ok.

also i got really inspired while making this and kinda went overboard with the length so i decided to make a couple chapters to get each character in, ill add links to the other chapters as I write them

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4

It had been a couple months since Yuu had found their way to Twisted Wonderland. The initial adrenaline rush had worn off long ago, but the never ending excitement of meeting new people and experiencing new things kept them distracted for a while. Now that things were dying down and falling into a day to day rhythm, Yuu couldn't help but begin to think back to their home, and all the people they left. They were grateful, of course, for all the new friends they had made, but that wasn't to say they wanted to abandon the ones they already had. And what about their family? Were they ok? Did something happen to them in the time Yuu was gone? Yuus thoughts only got more and more anxiety riddled the more time they spent at NRC.

I can't really tell anyone though. They'll get annoyed with me. It's not their problem I'm stuck here.

Yuus poker face must have betrayed them because it was only a few days of silent brooding before they were confronted by Kalim.

"Hey, Yuu! Come with me to Scarabia!"

"Sure, why though?"

"You'll see!" Yuu followed along with interest as Kalim dragged them through the Hall of Mirrors back to his dorm. Kalim was in such an unnecessary rush he was practically pushing them by the time they smelled whatever was being cooked in the Scarabia kitchen.

"You seemed sad recently so Jamil agreed to cook for you! Whenever I'm sad either Jamils cooking cheers me up, or throwing a party does, but Jamil said you probably didn't want a party." Kalim was right about that, Yuu didn't really want any sort of party, but the small act of kindness from the two boys warmed their heart, even if they didn't know why Yuu was upset.

"Kalim invited some classmates from Heartslaybul, against my better input, but he said you wouldn't mind." Jamil barely looked at Yuu for a second, but they could tell he was just as concerned for them as Kalim. It made them feel a little guilty, to make their friends worry, but the attention was nice.

"Hey, Yuu how ya doin. Kalim said you were sad." Yuu hadn't noticed, but Trey, Cater, and Riddle had walked into the room where Yuu and the two Scarabia boys were. Cater had sat down across from Yuu and went right to talking with them, thoroughly ignoring the now slightly annoyed Jamil and Riddle.

"Cater! Ah, I'm fine. Sorry I don't want you guys to worry for me or anything." Yuu laughed half-heartedly, trying to brush off their embarrassment.

"It's fine Yuu, you're our friend so we want to make sure you're okay." Trey set down a box infront of Yuu, before going over to talk to Jamil who was currently dealing with an over-energized Kalim.

"It's important for students at Night Raven College to be at their best so they may also present their best. It's...also important that you are doing well because we care for you, BUT IT IS MORE IMPORTANT THAT YOUR ATTITUDE REFLECTS THE STATE OF THIS SCHOOL." Riddle practically ran through that middle phrase, almost to the point where Yuu didn't catch it, luckily they did, but Riddle walked off red-faced before they could thank him.

"Those are for you btw, Trey made them." Yuu opened the box in front of them to see multiple small baked goods. Too many for them to eat on their own, but nonetheless they thanked Trey, and the others for their kindness. It was nice to know there were people who cared enough to go out of their way even though Yuu didn't tell them how they felt.

end of chapter 1

Thanks for sending me a request <3

[moonfox281]

Please, do you have some happy or cute hcs?

I like hcs about eating so why don't we talk about food?

Dick: half-ass healthy

Like: Milk bread, any type of large fish, pickled ginger

Dislike: non-bake cheesecake, canned products, greasy foods

Personally, I like the idea that he has a set routine and healthy diet, but doesn't keep it consistent. Actually, his diet and expenses are ridiculously controversial. He's very aware of savings and keeping his expenses in check, but has a really mixed conception of what is cheap and pricey.

Dick: Brunch in Diamond district? Too hoity-toity.

Also Dick's weekly grocery cart: kokyu shokupan, wild salmon, Iberian ham, tropical fruits, use only truffle oil for salad.

This contradiction is probably caused by the swift jump from living a quick, backpack lifestyle with the circus to living in a four stories billionaire mansion with a British butler.

Jason: practical AF

Like: meat

Dislike: shitty coffee

Jason spent his childhood on the street and in poverty, he, later on, spent most of his post-resurrection time in harsh training and backpack traveling, you can say he can't really afford to be picky when it comes to food. He'll eat anything consumable and doesn't really get food poisoning or salmonella thanks to the Pit.

But if you want to please him, just take him to a good BBQ or steak house.

(He'll break your bank though, cause by all means, he's a heavy eater.)

Tim: teenager

Like: street foods, chili dogs at carnivals, fresh pastries at local coffee houses

Dislike: Starbucks (will argue with the barista about their size names)

He's still a boy, his taste changes once in a while. Also, Tim has been very much of a reporter/detective most of his life, he's constantly on the streets, behind a screen, never has enough time, always reaches out for something quick and filling.

Also, you often see him surrounded by his teammates, friends and family. He doesn't like eating in general and sees it as a basic action to keep functioning his brain and body, but having foods that can easily be shared by a crowd and bring people together helps his appetite a lot.

Damian: aristocrat

Like: roasted beetroot with mango sauce, pumpkin velouté, spinach ravioli, and hot chocolate.

Dislike: anything Jason and Tim touch (until Dick tells him to try)

The boy is like Bruce but vegan coded. He is raised in wealth and has a palette that proves so. While he will never downgrade himself to try anything made in a van or on a kiosk, the boy will (not so willingly) test things out if dragged by the family.

While it's true that Damian has a sophisticated taste in food, he's still very much a child, you may not be able to bribe him with candy or pizza night, but you'll still earn his heart with a cup of hot milk with honey before bed (at least that was how Dick did it.)

[slashingdisneypasta]

(Your 'Horror House' edition of 'Would you rather' was super fun! So I decided to make one for you, if that's ok?! It's pretty short though) 🦊

Would you rather? Christmas Horror Edition

🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄

Would you rather spend Christmas at Pleasant Valley or Statesville Mental Hospital?

Would you rather eat a Christmas dinner prepared by Norman or Patrick?

Would you rather have a snowball fight with Jennifer and Jerry or Michael and Jason on your team (you'll be fighting the opposite team)?

Would you rather tell Bubba that Santa's not real (let's say he still believs in him) or wear a 'sexy' version of red and green elf costume in front of Freddy?

Would you rather have a Christmas movie marathon with Billy and Stu or Chucky and Tiffany?

You suddenly found yourself under a mistletoe! The catch is, the plant is magical and whoever gets under it will not be able to move until the kiss happens! Would you rather be stuck under it with Freddy or Beetlejuice?

Would you rather decorate the tree with Carrie or help Pamela bake christmas cookies?

OHHHH THESE ARE ALL SO GREAT!! Thank you for sending them!! Merry Christmas!! ^^

Would you rather spend Christmas at Pleasant Valley or Statesville Mental Hospital? Statesville for sure!! I'm actually considering deleting all my 2001 Maniacs stuff, but that's neither here nor there right now I love all the characters in the Funhouse Massacre!! So they are going to get some festivity in their lives whether they like it or not!

Me, sneaking Rocco some turkey through the bars knowing full-well the warden would forbid it: now don't tell anyone about this rocco-

Warden, behind me of course: *Clears his throat*

Me: ... i was just about to get to you, sir. Here, have some christmas cookies. This was my last stop in the ward-

Warden: Their shouldn't be stops in the ward-

*Meanwhile all the other inmates plus franklin (i think thats the name of the guard at the start who zooms in on quinn's cleavage and then kane is like we do not sexually harass reporters. I may have made it up in my head though) all have plates of food*

I could actually write SO MUCH about Christmas at Stateville! Thank you for showing me!! I'm gonna probably do a post now!

Would you rather eat a Christmas dinner prepared by Norman or Patrick?

For SURE Norman. I don't know why but spending Christmas at the bates motel sounds really comforting. I'll bring his chocolate ripple cake and a book about taxidermy. And also I think my chances against Norman are better then against Patrick- he works out.

Would you rather have a snowball fight with Jennifer and Jerry or Michael and Jason on your team (you'll be fighting the opposite team)?

... OH, this is harder then I initially thought! I think I wanna be on Jason and Michaels team though?? Cuz like, they're strong and invincible too like Jennifer and Jerry... but they're also bigger. I can hide behind them XD Also, at least Jerry has a simple, known weakness, so if all goes to hell- out come the wooden stakes and holy water snowballs.

Would you rather tell Bubba that Santa's not real (let's say he still believs in him) or wear a 'sexy' version of red and green elf costume in front of Freddy?

... depends on the outfit, is it tacky? i cant do tacky-

WELL this depends on what Bubba thinks of Santa and what Drayton has told him. If Drayton told him about Santa and then said Bubba's too naughty for presents, then it might be a mercy to tell him santa's not real and his big brother is just being a whole dick. If Drayton has told him about Santa and then actually done the santa thing, leaving presents (As terrible and/or practical as they would be) then... it might also not be too bad to tell Bubba. You get to tell Bubba his mean old brother was doing this really lovely thing for him!

There is no telling how Bubba would respond to any of this, though, and I suck with the verbal stuff, so...

*Bangs head on table* I guess I'll go with the outfit. I like Freddy and think he's handsome, so, at least there's that...

Would you rather have a Christmas movie marathon with Billy and Stu or Chucky and Tiffany?

Billy and Stu! Like I've said before, I refuse- REFUSE- to be alone with Chucky and Tiffany- ever. Lest they kill me and then make out over my corpse.

You suddenly found yourself under a mistletoe! The catch is, the plant is magical and whoever gets under it will not be able to move until the kiss happens! Would you rather be stuck under it with Freddy or Beetlejuice?

FREDDY. Both because I have some serious concerns about what might be going on inside BJ's mouth and because I like Freddy XD

Would you rather decorate the tree with Carrie or help Pamela bake christmas cookies?

I would like to decorate the tree with Carrie! ^^ Baking is a solitary activity for me, so sorry Pam.

Again- thank you so much for sending these!! I loved them and you've inspired me to write Statesville stuff! ^^ What are your answers to these ones???

[izzy-b-hands]

Inspired by the 'Izzy would answer a fake phone if a lil kid handed him one' post.

Doug and Mary have a new kiddo, and after a couple of years the crew is finally able to make it to meet her and see everyone else.

Said two year old is the house welcoming committee, and that means everyone on the crew, including Izzy.

---

Mary and Doug's first together, Wren, was a picture of her mother, but as sociable as Doug. She had spent the first hour of their visit taking time to walk up to everyone, insist they shake her tiny hand, then showing them random things about the house and yard.

But not him, yet.

Izzy didn't mind. He'd helped with younger siblings and knew he probably didn't seem the most friendly to a two year old. Besides, the visit was more for everyone else. He was with because... well, where else would he go? They'd asked him to stay on as quartermaster/first mate, and he'd agreed. It didn't bother him that no one talked to him much aside from stuff they wanted relayed to Ed and Stede, and that even Ed and Stede ignored-

"Hi."

Wren sat beside him on the grass of the yard, arranging her skirt just so, as she'd no doubt watched Mary do before.

"Hello. Can I help you?"

Wren fussed with the large pocket near her waist, clearly sewn on after the original design was done. The slightly crooked stitches suggested Alma had used her sister's pocket as sewing practice.

Finally, she yanked out a crumpled paper and handed it to him. "Read it."

Unfortunately, it was unreadable. Wren had definitely written something on the page, by her scrawls and dots of ink. But it wasn't legible to an adult.

"Is this a letter from Uncle Stede?" Izzy asked instead. "Did he write to tell you about being a pirate?"

Wren's eyes lit up. "Yes, about...big fish!"

Izzy pretended to read the page. "I see that! And Mr. Buttons caught it?"

She giggled and clapped and leaned against him. "Eat fish!"

"We did, because you can't let food go to waste out on a ship," Izzy agreed. "What else did Uncle Stede write about? This bit is about you!"

"Me?!" she slapped her hand against herself in utter shock, and Izzy fought off a giggle.

"Yes, he says here that he's heard so much good about you. That you're good to your mum and dad, play nicely with your sister and brother-"

"Alma," Wren noted. "She so old."

"Your sister isn't old! If your sister is old, then how old must I be?"

She leaned back, studied him carefully, her little brow deeply furrowed. "Seven."

"Seven years old? I don't think I'd mind being seven again," Izzy mused. "But then how old is Alma?"

"Eight?"

He chuckled at that. "Okay. Shall I give you this back?"

He held out the page, but Wren didn't take it.

Instead, she stood up and then promptly sat back down in his lap. "Read it! Please."

"Alright," Izzy said. "Looks like Uncle Stede also wrote about Roach, and an orange cake he made. You remember meeting Roach today?"

She smiled and nodded. Roach had made plenty of treats to bring ashore, and as such had been perhaps the fastest to befriend the kids as a result. Not that Izzy could blame them, Roach had a talent for baked goods and sweets.

"But it used up all the oranges, and that's bad on a ship," Izzy continued. "We eat those to keep from getting sick. Do you know what scurvy is?"

"Oranges icky."

"Well, you'll want to reconsider that or you might learn what scurvy is by experience," Izzy said. "Point is, that meant Uncle Stede and Uncle Ed had to go find more. How do you think they did?"

Wren tapped the paper, as if to encourage him to read on.

--

"Oh," Mary laughed. "Stede, Ed, here."

She was sat on one of the wooden benches Doug had installed in the yard, and motioned them over to it. "Shh, and listen!"

They were just close enough to make out Izzy, with Wren on his lap, telling a wildly embellished version of their quest for more oranges to save the Swede.

"I don't recall you fighting a snake as big as you that day," Stede snorted.

"Well, I don't remember you slaying a giant moth," Ed giggled. "Though you were the one who told Izzy about our treasure hunt."

"And you helped!"

"I think Izzy is doing the embellishing himself because he likes you both, not because he thinks you two forgot to give him those details," Mary whispered with a grin. "Does he have kids? He's so good with her! She hates story time usually, wants to be up and running around, but now look at her!"

Wren had cuddled more into Izzy, not even noticing when he gently folded and tucked the crumpled page back into her pocket. The rest of the 'letter' was simply pulled from the air.

"Lucius saved us both when we picked up the burning map and got set on fire?!" Ed, still listening intently to Izzy, scoffed. "We wouldn't do that!"

"No!" Stede agreed with a frown. "We wouldn't! Izzy!"

Mary shook her head, though not at Izzy. "I'm going to go see if I can help with dinner. You two and the crew mind keeping an eye on Doug and the kids?"

"Surely Doug is here to keep an eye on all of us," Stede said.

Across the yard, Doug stood with Wee John and The Swede, examining a stick of dynamite.

"Or both," Ed suggested, eyes wide at the dynamite now being tossed from person to person in a game of keep away. "We could all keep an eye on one another."

Mary nodded. "Please don't let him blow himself up."

"Of course," Stede said.

But his gaze had turned back to Izzy and Wren, still audible over the breeze.

--

"And that beautiful blue water goes on forever," Izzy continued. "All different shades of it, depending on where you are. Because Uncle Stede and everyone found more oranges, The Swede lived to see the ocean again. Then, he came here to see you all!"

Wren giggled. "More!"

"More! How long was this letter? How many pages? Three, ten?"

"Ten!"

Ten. He would have to start editing and retelling stories from before they'd met Stede. Hopefully she wouldn't notice or care. Or might just fall asleep, any of those options were good.

"Uncle Ed's hair pretty," Wren noted.

"His hair is pretty. Would you like to hear how he used to make me braid it for him?"

"Yeah!"

Izzy smiled at that, and wondered if Stede did the same for Ed now at night. He hoped so.

"Well, part of it was I knew how to do different braids, thanks to my little sister..."

[frankbelloriley]

*loses 30 pounds*

oh wow, random women find me attractive at first glance again, interesting

(I got a few more rambling thoughts that I thought about leaving in the notes but I'll go ahead and elaborate them here. (In fact, I had a much longer, more rambling post that I mostly deleted) But it's weird to see the reaction in people after I lost most of the weight I regained during Covid lockdown/self-isolation that was initially lost in 2015-2016, and doubly so because I looked at pictures from 2015-2016 when I was thin and know when I took them that I felt dysmorphic which is the absolute inverse of pictures of myself in 2021 when I felt better about my self image because I did a lot of self-work during that time because there wasn't fucking anything else to do besides bake bread, like "wow, I didn't realize how much bigger I was then." And besides the self work, the weight loss is simply because I am eating better and doing cardio but not in a psycho shit way I was doing in 2015-2016 where I would run four miles after doing weights and lifting weights in a way where I'm actually allowing my muscles to rest, not like 2022 when I was doing workouts 5 days a week and eating protein (I looked like a fridge, which probably did help me out in the neighborhood I was living in LA). I feel mentally and physically better now in 2024 than I did back in 2017 which was my "peak" exercising weight (where I destroyed my core/abs by running four miles after lifting weights three times a week and thus had more back problems when I was 20 pounds lighter than I am now). If you want some weight loss/strength training tips that you can take or leave: 1) three days of resistance/weight training and two days of intense cardio is all you need, which sounds like a lot but it's an hour-an hour an a half a day for five days a week. 2) For weight training, my split is legs, push, pull. I do push on Monday, legs on Wednesday, and pull on Friday because I like to end my week doing fun bicep stuff, and I ain't starting my week on legs. Go in with a plan, know where you're weakest and start strengthening from there, but don't forget to do some fun lifts. 3) Find a fun way to do cardio. Y'all know by now that I do frisbee, but around here there are a lot of soccer groups (fun way to practice Spanish too!). If you get a kick out of just jogging for an hour and a half, by all means do that, but anything you genuinely like to do should be your cardio. 4) Get a food scale. You will not be doing this to count calories. Unless you're working with a nutritionist, I'm not telling you to count calories. You will be doing this to count portions. For one, you will measure out a perfect portion of pasta every time (1a, eat your fucking carbs and pasta has great macro splits) (1b if after a week or two and you're starting to feel lethargic, add a half or whole portion of pasta, the tiredness means you need carbs) and for second, you'll see muscle building/weight loss recipes saying "eat one (1) chicken breast" and as someone who has been buying chicken breast in bulk for the last four years, when I started weighing out my cooked chicken breast, I realized I have no idea what they're doing to chickens, but they got some Dolly Parton and Beyoncé chickens out here. 100 grams is all you need. That's 40 grams of protein and should cover what you need in a meal. "One chicken breast" can be anywhere between 150 to 350 grams. For third, making bread is so much quicker when you can just measure the flour and water in grams. 5) If you think the four previous things I just said was bullshit, ignore it and do what you want. Have fun, take care of and listen to yourself. That's the most important thing. When you do that, you'll like yourself and what you see in the mirror.)