#It was a trans/gay awakening for me can’t lie

[idyllicdyl]

I watched the Rocky Horror Picture Show for the first time recently and had no idea what to expect and I was pleasantly surprised.

[the-gay-disney-games]

Round 1B: The Lion King 1 1/2 (2004) vs. Mulan (1998)

Propaganda:

The Lion King 1 1/2:

“This movie is about Timon and Pumbaa raising a child together”

“Just 2 dudes raising their son and dealing with commitment issues. The movie heavily leans into the bit that Timon and Pumba are like a couple. Timon is voiced by gay icon Nathan Lane. This movie was my childhood.”

Other propaganda for the original movie with the same idea:

“Simba was literally raised by a gay couple (Timon and Pumba…Timon even literally wears drag in the movie)”

“Timon and Puumba are a queer couple that raised simba into adulthood. Scar is a mean gay. Nuff said”

“Timone and Pumbaa are Simba's gay adoptive dads.”

Mulan:

“Trans awakening for so many of us”

“Well Mulan gives off very non-binary vibes”

“Literally listen to the music also Li Shang”

“just what your intro post said - Milan being trans (or gnc) coded and Li Shang being bi coded. like come on do i even need to explain? I’ll just add that I was listening to “Reflection” on repeat cuz the lines “Who is that girl I see staring straight back at me?…When will my reflection show who I am inside?” we’re stuck in my head. So with that song on loop I decided to finally chop my hair short in true Milan fashion (ok that’s a lie, I didn’t do it myself, but the PRINCIPLE) so not only is Milan trans/gnc coded but I can’t be the only one the movie inspired to finally go for The Haircut or something else related. sry that’s very rambly”

“gnc. bisexual. what more could u want.”

“Both trans and gay coded. Shang was so into Ping that he couldn’t stand to execute him for his “crime”. Also includes drag saving the day!”

“This is less a competition for the queerest movie and more a competition for the second queerest movie. Just *look* at every aspect of Mulan and tell me it’s even a contest.”

“Not only is mulan super trans coded but Shang is definitly bi”

“I know it's the obvious pick, but Mulan is so gender and Shang is so bi. 💯💯💯”

“Mulan is very trans coded. Li Shang is totally bi. Dude absolutely had a thing for “Ping” before learning he was actually a woman (Mulan). Also watching that movie as a young egg made me feel less alone about the fact that I didn’t fit into the “girl” role everyone around me pushed me into. Mulan was kind of my hero and sometimes listening to Reflection makes me tear up a little bit because it’s such a mood but also such a TRANS mood. It’s probably my favorite Disney movie song. “Why is my reflection someone I don’t know” made me THINK as a kid. Disney may be evil but they did the world a great service with Mulan.”

“It is obvious why”

“If movies could turn you trans this one did it to me”

“I mean I assume this one is going to be there, but what if we all think “oh everyone is going to put mulan so I won’t” and then nobody does?”

“it’s mulan”

“Gender”

“Mulan is so trans, however you want to read her (as a trans man, genderqueer, genderfluid, etc.) and Shang is hella bi. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk”

“This movie is SOOOOO trans coded. Captain Li is a bisexual icon. As an Asian queer person I have sat and cried to Reflection by Lea Salonga while staring in a mirror too many times to count. Can I be my authentic self without making my parents who I love hate me? It's too good.”

“My little asian tboy awakening”

“Can be read as transmasc- he finds his true purpose/calling in life by presenting as male- or as transfem- she goes against everyone’s expectations for her by revealing her true self as a woman. A very trans movie. Also just a very good movie in general.”

[movedto-jewishbucke]

@cupidmarwani​ // this isn’t 100% happy but here we go

I think along with being bullied for being “weird” (aka showing signs of (unmedicated) ADHD) he was also bullied for being GNC, or “obviously” gay, even though he was like... convinced he was cis and straight (until high school)

10 y/o Buck: it’s completely normal to get “!!!” when the cashier at subway calls you sir even though you’re definitely definitely definitely a girl :) 100% girl :)

I think it’s important to note that he definitely knew that, like, gay people were a thing - I think there was probably an elderly lesbian couple that frequented his shul as a child and he was always just *saucer eyes* at them

(also he didn’t know why he was so “obsessed” with seeing gay couples on the street... or at his shul... until he was like “oh... I am a gay people... nice :)”)

12 y/o Buck: being uncomfortable with your birth name to the point of being nauseous every time you hear it is super normal actually :) anyway call me Buck or I’ll kick your shins :)

anyway Buck joined GSA his freshman yr of high school because he thought it’d be a great way to be an Ally(tm) and definitely wouldn’t awaken anything in him :)

when he joined GSA that’s when he met his Very First Trans Person

but let’s be real - he has probably met a trans person before without knowing it but, like, this was the first trans person he met who was like “I’m trans :)”

anyway! she was a trans woman (Ellie), two grades above him, and the first time she talked about her experiences(tm), Buck was just *saucer eyes* and he was just :O

14 y/o Buck: this sounds similar to my experiences :) I’m not trans though :) because I’m a Girl :) 100% a girl :)

but like anyway he kept going to GSA... as an Ally(tm)... and also he asked Ellie a lot of questions because he wanted to be a Great Ally(tm) and not because he was trans

two months later he was like “hmm... so that seems like... it was a lie...” and he came out - only to the people in GSA though - and he started testing the waters with new names (but he still mostly went by Buck as a “safe” name)

he came out to Maddie first- over winter break. it was the fifth night of Hanukkah. their parents had gone to bed and they were sitting in the living room, watching the candles burn, and eating the last of the latkes (and also arguing a little over which topping is best- sour cream or ketchup)

then he just kind of blurted it out- it definitely went something like “I’m sorry but ketchup is the best topping, you’re just wrong :/” then he blurts out “I’m trans” and Maddie’s probably kind of like “...okay? that has nothing to do with what is the superior topping but... okay? I still love you?”

obviously I think they have a more... serious, in-depth discussion about Buck being trans later but when he first tells her they just kind of leave it at that and move on

he comes out to their parents (with Maddie’s support) probably the first week of summer and I think they’re a little confused but they’re pretty supportive and do their best to educate themselves (Maddie helps them because almost as soon as Buck told her she did a lot of reading, I think)

also he comes out to his friends over the summer as well and probably loses a ton of them which sucks a lot for him because he didn’t think they’d have that poor of a reaction (especially considering they were supportive of their other friend who came out as gay a few months prior)

anyway, I like the idea of Maddie picking his name! with his permission of course... like I think they’re chilling in Buck’s room, talking about Trans Things(tm), and Maddie’s just “so is Buck going to be your name or........? because I love you but Buck Buckley sounds bad”

Buck’s kind of like >:( though he agrees and is just “uh no :/ I can’t find a name that fits though :/” and so Maddie’s like “oooh can I pick” and he’s like “...I will take suggestions, yes”

it’s not until halfway thru summer that Maddie finally comes up with a name- Evan -and they spend the summer calling him it just to see how he feels about it and he’s “!!!”

the last day of summer, Maddie cuts Buck’s hair and the euphoria!!! whew!!! his parents aren’t Too Happy about that but mostly because they end up having to take him to a professional hairstylist to Fix It and by the time they’re done fixing it, his curls are gone :(

Buck starts sophomore year with a semi-new wardrobe, a new name, a new haircut- a new everything

things are still :/ but he really does find out who is Real Friends are during sophomore yr and a lot of people are pretty supportive of him being trans(tm) and also he makes new friends!!! who love and support him!!!

also I think his extended family are pretty supportive- a little confused but supportive and they definitely slip up (just like his parents do sometimes) but it’s not malicious

his parents coordinate with the rabbi to see if he can have a bar mitzvah (since he had a bat mitzvah for his 12th birthday) and for his 16th birthday he gets a bar mitzvah and also a new (masculine) Hebrew name that his parents help him pick out :0

also Maddie buys him an LGBT siddur because I think that’s neat (there actually is an LGBT siddur- iirc it was created by a reconstructionist or reform synagogue in San Francisco)

also for his 16th birthday, his name is legally changed so he’s officially Evan Buckley on all of his documents and also his gender marker is changed too :)

anyway!! shortly after his 16th birthday, they start working on getting him on testosterone- because his therapist recommended it and it’s something Buck has been wanting for a hot minute

he starts testosterone a few months later which is very fun for him and he’s very :)

Maddie bullies him for having (and refusing to shave) his rat mustache but it’s all in good fun and also it is kind of ugly

(luckily for Maddie, he ends up growing a beard when his testosterone dosage is upped so the rat ‘stache doesn’t hang around)

anyway, he gets top surgery (double incision) the summer after he graduates- insurance covered some of it but the rest is covered by his parents (due to the cost they basically tell him that’s his grad gift which is fine with him tbh)

I think after top surgery Buck is pretty much... not dysphoric?

like, I don’t see him as having bad bottom dysphoria and most of the things he was dysphoric about went away after top surgery and testosterone

(ie his voice got deeper; he got taller on testosterone (though he was tall to begin with imo); his chest got [redacted]; etc)

so, like, yeah- I think he has bottom dysphoria but it’s “mild” (if any dysphoria can be called mild) and it’s not bad enough that he wants, or feels he needs, any of the bottom surgeries available

also he does pack but not consistently imo? I feel it’s mostly cause he forgets to because, again, he just... isn’t bothered by what’s going on down there

I think that is all... also I can’t believe I wrote... almost 1300 words... solely on trans!buck headcanons... we stan... I guess?

[glenngaylord]

OUTFEST 2020 FILM REVIEW: BOYS SHORTS 3 1/2 Stars (Average Score)

For many years, most LGBTQ+ festivals reserved their best short films for the Boys and Girls Shorts programs.  Usually deemed the sexiest, funniest, or most cinematic of the bunch, they typically play to sold out audiences.  Fortunately, shorts submissions have diversified and have showcased such incredible talent that festivals like Outfest offer a whole host of solid programs to enjoy.  

Still, there’s nothing like packing into the Directors Guild of America’s main theatre on a Saturday morning to collectively enjoy some carefully vetted films.  Unfortunately, this year, it’s just me and my admittedly cute-as-hell doggy sitting in my living room. No gaggles of gays to ogle. No over-the-top hugs, air kisses, or overhearing the constant refrain of, “What are you working on?” My sliding A/C unit makes a valiant but futile effort to cool us down as this endless Los Angeles heatwave threatens to kill our buzz.  Outfest may feel a little less communal this year, but the quality of the filmmaking remains high. I also applaud the programmers and filmmakers for helping to redefine and expand what has made this particular program so meaningful and enjoyable time and time again. Here are my quick tales on the Boys Shorts program:

QUERY (Dir: Sophie Kargman - USA- 7 mins)  3 Stars

Two straight identifying lifelong best friends, Jay and Alex, played by Justice Smith and Graham Graham Patrick Martin respectively, spend a day challenging heteronormative concepts until Jay makes the suggestion that they kiss.  What starts out as a bromantic, mumblecore trifle turns fascinating in its final moments, helped tremendously by some beautifully wordless acting by our two leads.  I can’t say I loved the tired idea that one of the guys justifies the kissing by saying he’s wasted, but it’s handled in a fairly dignified way missing  from so many gross-out comedies from the past.  Shot and framed with a nice sense of classical style, the film, a mere 7 minutes, doesn’t outstay its welcome and leaves you with a provocative final line.  Extra points for Armie Hammer’s blink-and-you’ll-miss-it jog-on role.  

S.A.M (Dir: Eyre and Ely - United Kingdom - 16 mins) 4 Stars

Two outcast Manchester teens (Sam Retford and George Webster) meet on a swing set and discover they’re both named Sam.  One appears to have a learning disability and the other smokes and seems to have an angry, rebellious streak.  Over the course of several weeks at the playground , their friendship deepens, slyly revealing their attraction to each other.  Both actors do a wonderful job dispelling common misconceptions of their challenges as they drink, swear brazenly at others, and develop a real bond.  Its handling of sexuality couldn’t be more lovely and instructive.  You wish more people would react to coming out the way we’re shown here.  Although shot entirely at the swing set, this film covers a lot of ground as we witness the beginnings of a ride-or-die friendship. I hope the directing team of Eyre and Ely develop this into a feature.  I could watch Sam and Sam all day.  

KIND OF (Dir: Noel Schamus - USA - 9 mins) 3 Stars

With friends imminently arriving for brunch, a trans masculine couple hash out their differences over their recently established open relationship.  Garcia (Tales Of The City) arrives home after a night out with a cis man to find Avi Roque preparing the meal.  Noel Schamus and co-writer Arno Mokros mine the tension between the two expertly, allowing us to see the genial but uncomfortable hugs and the passive-aggressive dialogue.  Things take an astonishing turn when they get brutally honest with each other, revealing a frank discussion many people have not had the opportunity to hear before.  The filmmaking itself may feel functional at best, but its honesty manages to stun.  

SEE YOU SOON (Dir: Tyler Rabinowitz - USA - 16 mins) 4 1/2 Stars

This gorgeously directed and acted film by Tyler Rabinowitz has a simple premise, aligned most closely with Boys Shorts of years past.  Vincent (James Cusati-Moyer) and Anthony (Jonny Beauchamp) live in Los Angeles and Manhattan respectively, yet have met online, FaceTiming in anticipation of Vincent’s upcoming weekend trip east. Both actors have that glow and eagerness between them which gets awkwardly dispelled when they first meet in person.  Still, they slowly gravitate towards each other as they traverse the city.  Anyone who has ever been in a long distance relationship will recognize the hesitation, the fumbling, and the painful moment when they realize they’re rushing into things.  With beautiful cinematography by Oren Soffer and a gentle, believable chemistry between the two leads, I felt immersed  in their struggle to figure out their path.  We may have seen this before with the seminal feature, Weekend, but it doesn’t take away from how well done it is here.  Also, Cusati-Moyer is a star in the making with his expressive face and ability to break your heart.  

LAST SUMMER WITH UNCLE IRA (Dir: Gary Jaffe, Katie Ennis - USA - 13 mins) 3 Stars

As Daniel (Igby Rigney, a potentially closeted teen, packs his bags for summer camp, his beloved gay uncle Ira (Wayne Wilcox), faces his pending death from AIDS complications.  Daniel’s mother (Tony winner Stephanie J. Block) relieves her son of his duties so that he can go outside and have what will likely be one final chat with Ira.  Set in the early 90s, the bulk of the short comprises of their conversation, with Ira trying to gently coax Daniel to come out, but the young man resists.  While heartfelt and well-performed by all three, the production suffers from a somewhat maudlin tone and style.  It harkens back to such films as An Early Frost, yet adds something fresh with the dynamic between the two leads.  Although I can’t say I was wowed by it, the final moments did make me cry with its lovely expression of intimacy.  Any film which can awaken my cold dead heart is worth something!

WHO CAN PREDICT WHAT WILL MOVE YOU? (Dir: Livia Huang - USA - 9 mins) 2 1/2 Stars

On the surface, this very aptly titled short appears to be about nothing as we watch two young Asian American gay men share a final night together on a basketball court and then in an apartment.  With limited dialogue and scenes consisting of dribbling a ball, hugging, and staring into each others’ eyes as their hands intertwine, the film leans more toward the experimental side of things. Despite a nearly non-existent story, what Huang and her actors excel at is creating and sustaining a mood, a feeling.  It’s simple and yet somehow conveys a sense of intimacy.  I won’t remember having seen it tomorrow, but it sure did make me want to lie on the floor with someone.  

THE CYPHER (Dir: Leia Solomon - USA - 15 mins) 4 1/2 Stars

Khalil (Nigel Cox), a closeted young Philadelphia man, may just win an upcoming rap battle, but when word gets out he has a boyfriend (Juan Gil), his plans may go up in smoke.  Think 8 Mile meets Moonlight in this colorful, vibrant, story of a guy who learns what summoning courage and using it to hone his creative talents really means.  With nonstop energy and a wonderful supporting turn by Kerrice Brooks as his sister Kiki, who unintentionally outs him, The Cypher hits all the right notes.  Although still laden with homophobia, out artists such as Lil Nas X and Frank Ocean have made inroads in hip hop and rap culture.  In this spirit, this sexy, thrilling short brings power, strength and fearlessness to queer black voices staking their claim to a previously forbidding genre.  Nigel Cox, a relative newcomer, deserves attention for his loud and proud performance.  

[the-working-class-guide-to-films]

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS

Well, where to begin. After 42 years and 8 films we’ve finally come to number 9, the last film in the Skywalker Saga. Star Wars has probably been the most controversial film series in history, creating more anger and division than Brexit. Some fans prefer the originals, some fans prefer the prequels. Some fans love The Last Jedi, some fans hate The Last Jedi. It’s been a rocky road for these films, no matter how much us fans moan, we love Star Wars. Btw, you’re not a fan if you get annoyed about a black actor being a stormtrooper or give shit to Kelly Marie Tran, you’re a wanker. I personally, get annoyed about every one of the Star Wars films. The originals are too boring and not enough action, although the story is better and using practical effects. The prequels use way too much cgi, however they are much action-packed and they are different from the other films e.g. blowing up ANOTHER Death Star. I was always hoping that the sequels would mix the best things from both lots of films, yes boomers, there are good things about the prequels. Whilst they felt more like the old-school style of the films, they stuck to the same story plot and I was never blown away with the lightsaber/force battles. The Rise of Skywalker unfortunately follows suit. Whilst it’s a great film for fan satisfaction it’s a terrible film that lacks logic, story and imagination. 

So here’s the plot. Emperor Palpatine, you know that guy who died in Episode 6, he’s somehow alive in a weird half dead trance and has been controlling Snorke and every bad guy. He wants Kylo Ren to bring Rey to him. Palpatine shows Kylo the army he has been building for him, which is massive, and that he’ll gift Kylo this if he delivers. Rey has been mastering the force and she’s become a bit of bad-ass. The resistance find out about this super army and Rey decides to go and defeat Palpatine to save the world. Finn, Poe and Chewie go with her. Space adventures happen. Turns out Rey is Palpatine’s granddaughter! What? Rey stabs Kylo and then heals him using the force. Cos that’s a thing. Rey goes to confront her grandad whilst Kylo casts aside his dark side ways to be Ben Solo and goes to join Rey. Palpatine doesn’t want to kill Rey but instead wants Rey to kill him so all the Sith, including himself can go inside her and be Empress Palpatine. She doesn’t agree but then sees that The Resistance (currently fighting the big army are being outnumbered). Kylo then turns up but Palpatine drains their life force bringing him back to life. Rey, after hearing the voices of previous Jedi masters, gets up and kills Palpatine, she dies. Ben finds her, he uses that weird force healing skill, she wakes up. THEY FUCKING KISS FOR SOME STUPID REASON. Ben dies and he becomes one with the force. The end.

I’ll start with the good points. Adam Driver was great and has been awfully underused in these films. The fight scene between Kylo and Rey was good and entertaining. Ian McDiarmid is a fantastic actor, and although I think it was such a batshit crazy idea having Palpatine back, it was great watching his performance. It was good to see Finn and Poe have that relationship that we saw in The Force Awakens. That was missing big time in The Last Jedi and I’m glad we saw them together again because it works really well. And it did have some great fan service, I can’t lie. I won’t spoil that bit just in case, but you can’t be a Star Wars fan and not get a bit giddy about that.

However, I do think fan service has been the biggest problem, not just with this film, but with these sequels. They keep bringing back dead characters and in Carrie Fisher’s case (rest her soul), dead actors. It need’s to move on. The characters Poe, Finn, Rey and Kylo are all really cool and interesting characters but I feel like their development and the films progression has been thwarted by this insistence of having the old characters being around. It was great for the first film. I think The Last Jedi had the perfect opportunity to kill them off, but they kept Leia in it. Her appearance in RoS looked dodgy and her death to me was disrespectful. It looked like they had just run out of unseen footage and had to do with what they didn’t have. Having her, and more importantly Palpatine back jut lacked the new characters being the main vocal point. Having Palpatine back as the main villain was a weird decision and shows any lack of planning from the writers/guys in charge. There’s been no hint that Rey was related to him, it’s just really outside the box that it becomes ridiculous. If we had seen hints, or gone ‘oh that makes sense because of that bit in The Force Awaken’ I’d be ok with it, but I don’t think that has happened. I think what has happened is because TLJ was so divisive, J.J Abrams has turned his back on all that the last film set out to do and gone back to a safe, boring and unimaginative film that forgets the previous events. It would be interesting to know what ideas Rian Johnson had for the ending of this saga. As good as it was seeing Finn and Poe back together, their story wasn’t that exciting, they just go from place to place without any real meaning or relevance. The kiss we all wanted was between these two men, their bromance has been used throughout the films and I think it is a shame we never saw that. Not just because it would have been a relevant to what the other films have done but because it’s such a huge moment in Star Wars history for young girls and boys seeing that. Instead they showed a lesbian kiss between two people who were basically extras. We know that will be cut it, it won’t mean anything. What was more annoying was that Zorii, Poe’s old friend, was basically there to make Poe look more straight and manly. You can be manly and gay, and his name is Poe Dameron. And that was a terrible thing about the kiss between Rey and Kylo. They had no sexual tension, yes there was always tension but never sexually. Why these two possible heterosexual characters got this key scene is beyond me, unless it’s society showing us that that is the norm. It wasn’t needed, at all. Also, why did the film try to make Chewie’s ‘death’ emotional, when 3 minutes later we saw him again? Either kill him for real, or pretend kill him and then bring him back at the end for a hero’s return. We didn’t see another transporter that took him away so that was a really odd choice that lacked emotion and sense. 

For those reading and probably think I’m a hater, I’m not. These aren’t silly little things like ‘Rey’s hair shouldn’t be that length’ or ‘Poe said that in The Last Jedi so that doesn’t make sense in canon’. These are real film and basic writing points. This film is similar to Avengers: Endgame. It doesn’t do anything new. It’s going back to old characters that will please the fans. And yes it does because it looks cool. But they’re taking the piss out of you, they’re making you look foolish because they’re just showing you lovable old characters without any risk or real emotion. 

And one last negative. 

THE STROBE LIGHTING RUINED THE MOST INTERESTING BITS OF THIS FILM. FUCK SAKE YOU COULDN’T EVEN MANAGE TO DO THAT RIGHT.

Seriously though, this was incredibly annoying, I had to keep looking away. I don’t know why it was done, it wasn’t needed. Strobe lighting can be a useful tool, but it just became frustrating doing most of the final third. If you guys have epilepsy, beware. 

p.s I’m not apologising for the slightly irrelevant baby yoda gifs, that guy is the cutest.

2/5 I went in to The Rise of Skywalker with the lowest possible expectations, I still came out disappointed. The story was ridiculous. Logically, it didn’t make any sense. Even though it did have good fan service and fans would be happy with the surprises that RoS has throughout, it was still massively frustrating.

p.p.s 

for those who are wondering, here’s my list of Star Wars film in favourite order. 1 being the highest

1) Revenge of the Sith

2) A New Hope

3) Empire Strikes Back

4) The Phantom Menace

to be honest now they are muddle up into one big pile of crap but for continuity problems...

5) The Force Awakens

6) The Last Jedi

7) Attack of the Clones

8) Return of the Jedi

9) Rise of Skywalker

[shadysadie]

Choices beatablity/enjoyablity without spending diamonds

So when I first downloaded the Choices app I thought it was gonna be a mindless waste of time for waiting in line or whatever. I was NOT expecting the stories to be as engaging and good as they turned out to be. Like a lot of people I got really into them and ended up spending quite a bit on diamonds. However, I was curious about how the playing experience changed without spending ANY diamonds so I went back and played a few through without making a single Diamond choice and decided to report if it was even possible to "win" without spending money. Here are my results.

The Crown and The Flame: Very beatable. This game is essentially a steampunk Game of Thrones on a smaller scale. You play mainly as two characters an exiled queen trying to reclaim her kingdom and her best friend trying to sabotage the enemies.

You can't loose any of the battles because otherwise the next books wouldn't be possible so you don't have to worry about passing or failing.

Diamonds are mostly used to get extra weapons, allies, romantic scenes, and backstory. While those things certainly add to the experience and are really fun they aren't necessary to winning and the story is in-depth enough that its really fun even without the add extras.

It Lives in the Woods: Difficult but possible. This story centers around a group of high schoolers who accidently awaken a vengeful spirit in the woods outside their town. It focuses both on the mystery and horror of the creature as well as the mundane horrors of high school like bullying, drugs, transphobia, racism, and high parental expectations.

Throughout the game you and your friends lose or gain Nerve based on your choices and your Nerve score influences how much time you have to make important decisions as well as what options are available. Like TC&TF Diamonds can unlock weapons, allies, backstory, and exclusive scenes that raise Nerve. Unlike TC&TF you won't automatically win the battle just to push the plot forward. The fate of the main characters rely on their final Nerve score and if it's too low they will die. This includes the main character.

That being said, I played through without spending any diamonds and I was able to keep everyone alive. It's really hard, you basically have to choose every right answer, but it's possible. Survivability aside, there is a lot of backstory that can only be obtained through spending Diamonds. Since I played twice, I already knew the backstory the second time around but I imagine not having that would get really frustrating and take some of the fun out.

It Lives Beneath: Difficult but possible. The sequel to ILITW, in this one you play as a college student (not the MC from ILITW just older, new character though characters from ILITW do show up depending on whether or not they survive) who's parents get murdered and moves to a small town with your brother to live with your grandfather. Quickly you find out there is something very wrong with the town and the lake it surrounds. This one sees you fight off an angry spirit AND a cult as well as trying to protect your little brother.

Like ILITW how well you do in the final battle depends on your Nerve score. This time not only does your Nerve score determine who lives and dies but also: how loyal your team remains, how many civilians you rescue, what injuries you and your team can face, and whether or not you are able to be possessed.

Playing through without diamonds I was able to survive, but I lost a member of my team. The backstory in this one is more important to the plot so most of it is free, the diamond backstory only adds insight and while is nice to have isn't necessary.

The Haunting of Braidwood Manor: Possible but almost pointless. In this one you play as a girl trying to investigate ghosts in order to help your recently deceased brother. You go to an old mansion with a reputation for being haunted and meet the resident ghosts. One girl your age, and her three younger siblings.

This one is super short, both story length and chapter length. The diamond choices are pretty much just to allow you to buy scenes to extend the run time. You can't lose one way or the other, but without spending the diamonds the story is super quick and pretty forgettable. The extra scenes are pretty necessary to form emotional attachments to the characters. There are two love interests but you can't pursue either of them without diamonds. The interactions with the three kid ghosts are all free and they are quite fun characters.

Veil of Secrets: Beatable. This one is another mystery...by now you guys might be noticing a theme in the stories I like...in this one you play as a journalist who goes to a small town for your best friends wedding. The bride disappears and the groom gets murdered and its up to you to solve the mystery.

Unlike the other games where I played through with diamonds first then returned and played without as a personal challenge, I've only played this one once without diamonds so I can't compare and contrast the paid experience and the free experience.

That being said, I enjoyed this game just fine without diamonds. Its possible to solve the mystery without buying anything but since you collect maybe 1/4 as many clues it doesn't really feel like you solved it so much as the answer falls onto your lap. Admittedly out of all the Choices stories I've played this one kept my attention the least and I'm not sure if the lack of diamond scenes could be at least part of the reason.

So there you have it. My incomplete, extremely bias list of free Choices stories. I'm not going to lie, I really love this app. I didn't think a mobile app (particularly one with some of the DUMBEST ads I've ever seen) was gonna give me the range of interesting, engaging, and fun visual novels that I've found on Choices. Also I love the diversity. So far all the games I've played have let you choose whether your character is gay, straight, bi, or ace. Characters from a lot of different races and abilities are shown. And ILITW has one of the best written trans characters I've ever seen in media. So while I usually adamantly refuse to spend money on mobile apps, I really am not ashamed of the fact I have spent money on this one because I want to support these creators. But as a poor college student I'm also glad that the games don't require money to enjoy. If you like visual novels and you haven't checked this app out yet I 100% recommend. (Just don't let the adds turn you off because they do NOT represent the stories even a little bit.)

[hayaomiyazaki]

i saw call me by your name and then i came out to my parents

last night at nyff, i saw call me by your name (and enjoyed a brief post-screening q&a with the director and leads). i have studied film theory for six years at nyu, and i’ve seen so many films…so many queer films…so many feminist films…just so much, and i’ve been so grateful to have been exposed to so much immersive, reflective, creative cinema over the years. there are no “best films of all time” — only films that have helped develop mainstream form and style, and films that we each love personally. the latter is all that matters, to you, to filmmakers, to cinematic history. please trust me. here’s some notes on things people seem rather curious about (with minor spoilers for those who haven’t read the novel, though i genuinely believe knowing what happens in the film takes away nothing from the experience whatsoever, because it’s not a plot-based narrative, but an exercise in pacing):

the peach scene is not grotesque as the media is leading you to believe; it is brief, and it is essential. it represents the exploration, awakening, and ennui of elio’s life, and affords a huge amount of vulnerability to the following interaction between the two men. it’s not scandalous or explicit or silly or gratuitous. it’s not “a big deal.”

they kiss. no, they kiss. i’ve found that it is a default for straight or straight-leaning actors to kiss a very particular way: closed-mouth, hard, foreheads pressing together as their faces gravitate towards the floor. it’s rough and inexperienced, and, sure, this can be passionate. but in this film, they kiss. they kiss with their mouths open, and slowly, and they touch each other’s hair and faces, and their chins press together because they’re looking up, up at the stars or the hot air above them; “gasping for air” is what we often read in fiction, when two characters are kissing. those gasps — that air — it isn’t between them from below; it’s above. they look up and into each other’s eyes and it feels like gentle want, not like they’re rushing to make use of stolen time.

armie hammer has mentioned many times in talks that the film is simply about love, that there’s no harshness about coming out, that there’s no phobic sources forcing them apart, etc. understand that this is not necessarily true. yes, the film is wholly about love, but the root of their “lost love” narrative is a subtle religious-based shame, almost exclusively on the part of oliver, a proud jewish man. he is sure, as much as he loves elio and will never forget their time together, that it simply isn’t realistic for them to be together (specifically mentioning his father would have him “carted off to a correctional facility”), and does default to a heterosexual marriage at the film’s end. at the same time, they function completely in secret (or, attempt to do so) during their weeks together. this is important to recognise, even within the spacio-temporal context of the film.

timothée chalamet’s voice is a lot deeper than you’d imagine it would be.

you will hate your life after seeing this film. i’m sure you have it wonderfully, loving friends and family, sure, sure, but do you have a villa in northern italy, a cook that makes apricot juice good enough for the gods, two pools, parents who read you fairytales in german as you lay across their laps on a wet summer’s evening, a rustic turquoise bike that maintains its perfect state no matter how many times you carelessly throw it against the dirt road, a closet of endless cable knit and cotton button-downs, fresh peaches for days, fluency in three languages, and armie hammer in short-shorts? call me by your name is not set in italy — it is set in utter queer paradise, and it will make you sick.

michael. fucking. stuhlbarg.

the film is 90% symbolism. fountains. statues. bikes. hankies. mattresses. paper. shirts. bare feet. water. juice. peaches. so many peaches. the score replaces the first-person narrative of the novel, and you’ll never forgive sufjan for how it all makes you feel.

i called my mother this morning and said, “i want to talk,” and she was worried, “oh no, what’s happened? oh, you’re calling to tell me you won’t graduate, is that it?” and i laughed, because what a silly assumption, but also so spot-on, and i sighed because we’re not very close and this is feels like the interaction close family should have, and i said, “i just want you to know that i didn’t lie to you because i’m scared of what you’ll think, because i’m not,” which is true, because my parents are wonderfully accepting, and i would know, as my sister is in a committed lesbian relationship, and she said, “oh my goodness, what’s happened? are you okay?” and i said, “mom, i’m fine. last month when you visited, you shocked me by asking me a question at dinner so nonchalantly, i wasn’t prepared, but i should say i’m glad it was so nonchalant because it means we really are making some progress in society…” and she cut me off, saying, “sarah, what is the matter?” and i said, “nothing. i just wanted to tell you that last month, you asked me ‘if i was dating girls’ and i lied and said no, but i had a girlfriend over the summer, and she just moved to london, and it’s over, but it’s true, and you would have liked her, mom, she was very sweet, and she was much prettier than me, you would have been proud, but, anyways, that’s happened and now you know,” and my mom laughed and started, "she's not the first...no, of course she isn't..." and then got very stern and said, “you mean she was in town at the same time as me and you didn’t introduce me?” and i laughed and then she asked me about the lgbtq acronym and told me labels don’t matter, and i told her not to be surprised when there’s another lucky lady in the future, and she said, “yes, any lady would be lucky to have you,” and i agreed, because she would want me to, and i said, “i saw this film last night,” and she said, “you’re sick and off from work but you felt fine to see a movie?” and i said, “no, that’s just it. i saw this film and it made me so ill…i didn’t go to work, and then i called you and told you all this,” and she said, “well, i’ll have to see it, then, and i’ll have to tell your sister about it if it’s gay,” and i laughed, because she assumes all gay people like all gay films, and then she went on to tell me that she wanted to watch the danish girl because she wants to know more about the trans experience, and i tried to interrupt and say, “well, perhaps don’t start there,” but she said, “no, i didn’t, because i got it confused with this movie carol,” and then she told me how she watched carol waiting for one of them to be trans — “probably cate blanchett because she can play anything!” she said — but then fell asleep because it was kind of boring, and then she said, “but i’ll try again,” and then there was some gentle jesting about grandkids and who knows what else, and that was it. it was the easiest thing in the world. and i don’t feel relieved…i just feel some equilibrium in the universe has finally been achieved.

anyways, what was the point of this post again? ah, call me by your name. yes… yes. it’s one of my favourite films i’ve ever seen. it’s made me supremely poorly: my head aches and my chest hurts and my feet are heavy and my eyes are welling up during every downbeat, and i can’t focus on anything, which is probably why this whole post is such gobbledygook. that is to say: i’m very grateful.

[yenneferw]

How did you find out you were LGBTQ+? How did you narrow your identity down into what it is now? (sorry if this doesnt make sense (*´∀`*)) (love ur blog by the way!)

Well this is a topic I like so I’m gonna talk a lot about it. So when I was younger (like 4-5 years ago) is when I first started really venturing into the internet and I gained a few internet friends, all of whom were more liberal than me. There was this one who was gay, and my homophobic ass was always super uncomfortable around her. And then more of them started to like. have their own gay journeys and here I was, the lonely cishet who had yet to fully educate herself. And one day I decided hey. Hey maybe this isn’t the way I should be. Maybe I should try to educate myself more. And it really was as sudden as that in terms of sexuality, but a bit more complicated in terms of gender. So I had to unlearn a lot of internalized homophobia over time, and it helped that my closest friends were my online friends, and I was younger than all of them and therefore more impressionable, and they impressed upon me to not be a homophobic dickbag. And then I’m not gonna lie to y’all, one day I was looking at a picture of Holland Roden and I had a gay awakening and I was like “what if this feeling right now is NOT just the way a straight person looks at a girl” and I was like holy shit I’m bi. Eventually I realized I’m actually pan bc gender doesn’t really matter to me, but anyway that’s my sexuality journey, but it was a kind of sudden process and I realized pan was the right term for me not long after I learned it I think. 

My gender journey has been a lot more winding and confusing for me and I’m still not 100% sure of myself, nor have I completely unlearned all my internalized transphobia although I never let any of it out because I’m working on it and I know it’s wrong. I can’t remember when it started but I think it was last year that I texted my friend like “wow I really hate the way that people treat me like a girl” basically (except in really long texts bc my coming out to them always happens at a 6am panic after hours of looking up definitions and Confusion). And they were like “hey maybe you’re genderfluid!” and I was like okay that term works, although it didn’t work and it made me really confused and I didn’t know how to talk about my gender without a term, but the term I was using didn’t feel right. So then one day I was looking at things like maybe the demigirl flag or the definition or something and I was like. You know what. That. Bc I never feel masculine but I feel very acutely agender at times and very much feminine at others. 

Really I think narrowing down your sexuality and gender and finding out you’re lgbtq+ is a process that’s unique to everybody and it takes time, especially if you have to unlearn things like I have to. And I think you ahve to determine what you want out of your identity. Some people are okay with not having labels or having labels that don’t fit perfectly, but for me, it’s really hard to understand and talk about my sexuality and gender without a good label because I like to have a full grasp on who I am. Either way is okay, but it influences your own journey I think. After deciding on demigirl (and after feeling a lot more able to be open and accepting of myself thanks to the trans peter headcanon and community tbh lol), I feel a lot better about who I am so it took a lot of research and thinking. For some people they’re okay with just being umbrella terms maybe, and that’s okay too. 

So anyway yeah there’s how it happened to me! Also thank you so much and thank you for the ask! 

send me sleepover saturday asks?

[bellabooks]

GLOW: Gorgeous Ladies of Where’s the Gay?

Netflix has been churning out originals lately, and GLOW is one of the latest shows to get swept into the never-ending stream of bingeable content. In spite of its focus on an all-women wrestling league, the show has an upsetting lack of queer ladies. Drawing heavily from the 2012 documentary, GLOW: The Story of the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling, Netflix’s GLOW stars Alison Brie (Ruth) and Betty Gilpin (Debbie) in a big-haired, 1980s wrestling comedy. Brie plays a “quirky” aspiring actress who we are consistently reminded could be ugly OR pretty, they just can’t decide. Gilpin’s Debbie is a former soap star whose new-mom status and impending divorce put her in danger of never gracing the television ever again. Ruth and Debbie are our protagonists with their own personal history but, much like Orange is the New Black, it’s the secondary characters that really steal the show. If you’ve already made it through all ten episodes of GLOW, and have a heart, you probably fell in love with Carmen, aka Machu Picchu (Britney Young). A young woman from a wrestling family (the LumberJacksons), Carmen is just so damn precious and clearly in it for the love of wrestling as opposed to the fame that Ruth is chasing after. You also have Cherry Bang (Sydelle Noel), whose relationship with her adorable husband Keith (Bashir Salahuddin) doesn’t get nearly enough attention, Kate Nash as the token British attraction, Britannica, and a whole slew of others who outshine the drama between Ruth and Debbie. In true Netflix form, it’s the secondary ensemble that accounts for the show’s diversity and heart. Now I’m not going to lie, GLOW initially lost me after about two episodes but, with some encouragement, I took another crack at it. Aside from its slow start, what really put me off was the ambiguous queerness of Marianna Palka’s Reggie, aka Vicky the Viking. As soon as she popped up in the first episode, I was annoyed. Reggie is presented as the potentially-queer-lady in a common way geared toward the eye of the straight viewer. How is this, you ask? As disheveled, brutish, and semi-mute. I’ve noticed a trend, over the years, in how film and television present female characters who are coded as queer but are never actually revealed as queer (or are revealed as straight, SHOCKER). It has a lot to do with middle parts and messy hair, as seen on Mean Girls’ Janis Ian, Carrie Mae in House Bunny, and even my beloved Sandy Bullock before the Mustang Sally makeover in Miss Congeniality. Aside from the more well-known characters, most of those who fall into this trope and have few lines, the camera only going to them for non-verbal reactions. Reggie falls right into this trap; she appears as a kind of “ME LIKE SPORTS” tomboy that is easy to box up. Carmen also gave me some queer lady vibes. Presented as a naïve, cute (those dimples though) character trying to make a name for herself outside her family legacy, she appears as the gentle giant that has yet to have her sexual awakening. There are a few bonding moments with her roommate, Britannica (Kate Nash), that tell us she’s not used to being around so many women, and maybe there’s some potential for self-discovery there. Aside from Reggie and Carmen, there really is no other indication of queerness in GLOW, and it’s no surprise that both those characters are presented as not traditionally attractive. I don’t expect every show or movie to have some gay, but making a show about an all-women wrestling league without a single queer character seems like a missed opportunity to me. I mean, a bunch of ladies wearing outlandish costumes and pretending to beat the crap out of each other with ZERO flirting? A travesty. Including a queer character would have been just as easy as including a wolf-identifying character. What’s more, I’m tired of shows with no queer characters using masculine stereotypes to simultaneously tease queerness and imply that queerness is abnormal. The reason characters like Reggie and Carmen stand out in the negative is because they don’t conform to how people feel women (especially straight women) should look. The lack of queerness could be contributed to the fact that this is just the first season. Netflix has a habit of throwing things at the wall to see if they stick before getting into the good stuff. While GLOW tries pretty hard to touch on some serious life topics, it rarely ever takes us under the surface. Ruth and Bettie are trying to repair their friendship after an adultery incident, but we never get a true sense of their feelings. Cherry clearly has some history with the director, Sam Sylvia (Marc Maron), but we never get the full story (or even, like, part of the story). Even Sheila the She-Wolf (Gayle Rankin) seems to have some deep-seeded issues worthy of exploration, but all-in-all GLOW doesn’t give us a chance to really get to know its characters. The assumption is that they are setting us up for a season two where more of each character will be revealed. My question is, though, if Netflix is going to continue pouring money into originals even if they aren’t sure they’ll be successful, why not commit and include queer and trans characters? With the number of original shows Netflix has pumped out in the last year or two, the streaming platform has come under fire for the way that it handles diversity and sensitive topics. Judging by the cancellation of shows like Sense8 and The Get Down, Netflix doesn’t seem to have a problem with attempting inclusivity, it just has a problem with sticking by it. While GLOW fell a little flat for me, I did find it to be generally entertaining. It does lull in some places, but the writing has its clever moments. The show’s attempts at replicating the anti-political correctness of the original founder of GLOW can be schticky, and problematic, but I think many of the secondary characters are given some agency in combating this. If it does get a second season, I’d like to see more fleshed out characters, and maybe even a little bit of gay (just a little, for my sanity). To get a better understanding of the dynamic Netflix’s show is trying to replicate, I highly recommend watching the documentary mentioned above. There’s far more emphasis on comradery and the empowering nature of women’s sports, and it does a good job of contextualizing the absurdity that was the original Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling program. Plus, the woman Carmen is based on, Emily Dole aka Mountain Fiji, is a national treasure. http://dlvr.it/PTnwS9

[iswearimtoooldforthis]

I’m way beyond feeling like I’m a broken record...

Where to start... First things first. Back at the end of March I had to walk away from coaching and managing the new women’s football team here in Sacramento due to poor ownership. It was extremely hard for me to do because I felt like I was letting down my players but it was just an unhealthy situation and my gut told me it was the right thing to do. Turns out my gut was right because the team folded after only 2 games. I still keep in touch with most of my players which brings me to part of why I am starting to feel like a broken record... 

I know I am different. I’m not a “typical” female by any means. It has also taken me almost all of my life to finally be like “Fuck It” I don’t care what others think, I’m going to be true to myself and who I know I am as a person. With that being said, I’ve recently needed to explain my sexual orientation and how I identify repeatedly over the last few months. I’ve even been given a new term of endearment which is “Gaydar Killer” and I honestly find it quite a bit confusing as I do funny because after 26 years, I thought I had heard them all (oh, and there is a list). As always, I make no apologies for who I am or the things I have done in my life. I own every decision/choice I’ve made, good, bad, or indifferent. Most of my close friends are very aware of this and know that I have no reason to lie about anything but most of all, which sexual orientation I identify with. Trust me I completely get where the confusion comes from. I’m not an idiot. I know that the way that I look, dress and present myself falls into a typical stereotype. I’ve said it before in earlier posts. It doesn’t offend me. I’m flattered when a woman hits on me. Unfortunately, I have honestly never felt real sexual attraction toward any female in my life (except for a few times when I thought they were guys but we will get to that later). I think women are beautiful, gorgeous even, and I’ve been jealous of some of their bodies but I’ve never felt that sudden flush, butterflies in the tummy, or the ache to be with a woman. Please, don’t say “You won’t know unless you try” because I have and all the times I tried, I just felt like I was going through the motions or better yet, like I was acting in some sort of play or movie disguised as my life. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve done the same with guys more times than I would like to admit but with women it just never developed or manifested into the feelings I get when I’m with guys. In all honestly, being true to who I am, it puts me at a disadvantage because guys tend to not want women that look and act like I do but I’m aldo at the point in my life where I don’t want to pretend to be something I’m not in order for someone to want to be with me. But I digress, back to being with women. In the end I just felt bad and like I was using these women for my own personal experiment and by no fault of their own, I just felt nothing toward them in a romantic or sexual way. Ok, to be super honest... I felt like a complete asshole because if a guy did to me (they have) what I felt like I had done to them (they did), I would be pissed (I was). It was not my proudest period in my life and I didn’t set off to do it intentionally but a lot of alcohol was involved so my inhibitions were just about non-existent and I didn’t even know that a few of them were women until clothes started coming off. Not that I’m saying that my misconception about their gender was an excuse for my behavior, because it wasn’t, and I still went through with everything after the fact (which in my personal opinion made me a huge dick). It was a total dick move on my part and I own up to it. I’ve been on the receiving end of that dick move a few times myself (my marriage being one of them) and it is just not a cool thing to do to someone. I felt dishonest. Part of me at the time even hoped that doing it would trigger something inside me, flip a switch so to say, that would awaken the part of me that wanted to be with women because at least then other aspects of my life and personality would start to make better sense. It sucked feeling the need to explain this part of my past to my players that were CONVINCED I was a lesbian but like I said, I own up to the things I’ve done. So again, with that being said, the question I was asked today shocked me because it was from someone that I’ve had in depth conversations with (recently even) only this time it wasn’t my sexuality that was being questioned but my identity. Today was the first time I was asked if I was transitioning... and the shocking part was not that I was asked but how much the being asked stung me. Just to be crystal clear... I was not offended by the question but the reason it stung was because this person honestly thought that I hated the gender that I was born. I have trans friends that I love dearly. Some I knew before and after they transitioned and others I only got to know after they transitioned but from them I know how very personal their transitions were. I love being female. I don’t love my menstrual cycle or being told I can’t do something because I’m female but I don’t feel that I was born in the wrong body (even if one of my cousins swears that I am a gay man trapped in a woman’s body). I can’t even begin to imagine what it would feel like to look at oneself in the mirror and see anatomy that contradicts what you feel it should be. One of the most depressing moments of my life was being told by my doctors that I would more than likely never have biological children of my own (that needs to be covered in a separate post) because the one thing I’ve always wanted to be, my entire life, was a mother. So, I had this very in depth conversation with this friend today and she explained why she asked. Why I’ve always “confused” her. Why am I like the way that I am. Most of which we had talked about before in one form or another and like usual I didn’t have a cookie cutter response to give her for the “why I am the way that I am.” I don’t know why. I’ve never been able to give any answer except I am the way that feels true to me. I feel that I don’t fall in the typical “straight” category because I am not feminine at all and never really felt comfortable pretending to be but I don’t fall within the LGBTQ category either because I don’t feel I am the wrong gender and so far I’ve only been sexually attracted to the opposite sex. I’ve always felt that I was in this grey area or where the two circles overlap. I feel more comfortable around my LGBTQ friends because my outward appearance, personality and traits mesh better with them than with my “straight” friends but my sexual orientation still keeps me on the outside to a certain extent with them also. It does hurt me to an extent because I never really feel like I fit in with either side completely but if I change any part of myself just to fit in one way or another, that would be false and to me living that lie would be worst. It doesn’t mean that I don’t understand where they are coming from. I do. If the terms I use in this next bit are not politically correct, I apologize in advance but I’m going to do my best in order to explain why I understand where my LGBTQ friends are coming from. The best way I can put it is like this. Just because I have black friends, and I dress like them, talk like them, hang out with them, that doesn’t mean that I know what its like to be a black person in America. I don’t know what it is like to be LGBTQ in America. I’ve caught passing glimpses because people assume that I am LGBTQ when they look at me (especially when I worked concert security) and have been called things and even escaped a few attempted “gay” bashings (I have this problem with not backing down and tend to fight back) but at the end of the day, I always identified as heterosexual. I never had to live in fear that I could be fired for falling in love. I never had any doubt that I would be able to marry the person I fell in love with. Or if the time came when I need to adopt in order to have a family, I wouldn’t be discriminated against because of the person I loved and chosen to have the family with. But some of my friends did have to worry about those things and that wasn’t okay to me. I didn’t care if it alienated me from my entire biological family or my new adopted family I married into, when it came to supporting and fighting for my friends and family to obtain the same rights as I had, I did it loud and proud. 

Dude, she and I went DEEP during this conversation and it was emotionally draining. This is finally how I put it and I think she understands for the most part (wait until you read her response at the end to see if you agree)... At the end of the day, I believe with my entire being that love is love (among consenting adults). You fall in love with the person you fall in love with and when you truly fall in love with someone, they become your every sexual desire. At least that is how it is for me. When I fell in love with my husband, he wasn’t my typical “type” by any means but when I fell for him, I fell hard and completely. In my life so far, I have only felt that way toward men. Does that mean that I won’t one day meet someone that is a woman, trans, or however they identify, that will make me feel the same way... I honestly don’t know. Because of what I believe love to be, I can’t definitively say that it won’t happen nor can I say that it will. All I can say that as of right now, it hasn’t. One of my favorite scenes from a movie is when Holden asks Alyssa in Chasing Amy “why him and why now” and she replies “... The way the world is--how seldom you meet that one person who gets you--it’s so rare. My parents didn’t really have it. There was no example set for me in the world of male/female relationships. And to cut oneself off from finding that person--to immediately half your options by eliminating the possibility of finding that one person within your own gender... that just seemed stupid. So I didn’t. But then you came along. You--the one least likely; I mean, you were a guy... And as I was falling for you. I put a ceiling on that, because you were a guy. Until I remember why I opened the door to women in the first place--not to limit the likelihood of finding that one person who’d complement me so completely. And so here we are. I was thorough when I looked for you, and I feel justified lying in your arms--because I got here on my own terms, and have no question that there was someplace I didn’t look. And that makes all the difference.” And after hearing all this, my friend said... “Ok, based off what you just said about how you feel about love and just how you are, I’m just gonna say that you are queer and leave it at that because you said there still maybe a possibility.” FACE-PALM... I was like fine, if that’s what it takes to end this conversation so be it.

In all honesty, I’m so sick of having this conversation over and over again (sometimes with the same people) because I really don’t care at this point in my life. I’ve been through so much and have battled against what my family tried to turn me into for so long, in all reality I hate labels in general (except “tomboy” because I always felt it adequately described me) . A girl is suppose to dress a certain way, do certain things, only have certain interests, and is to be defined by the man she is with... BULLSHIT! A girl/woman can dress anyway she wants, do anything she wants, have what ever interest she wants... and she can love who she wants. The most important part is the “she wants” part and that is how I choose to live my life as long as it doesn’t intentionally hurt anyone else. 

It is way past my bedtime and I swear that I should be TOO OLD for this...

[houstonlocalus-blog]

Meet the Trans Woman Running for Pete Sessions’ Seat in Congress

The election of Donald Trump has brought out a great many people interested in trying to take the country back from the Republicans starting in the 2018 mid-term elections. They’ll need all the help they can get as here in Texas the Democrats have a rather deplorable history of turning up at the polls when there’s no president on the ballot. One of the hopefuls is Danielle J Pellett, who will be challenging Pete Sessions of Texas’ 32nd District. We sat down with her on opposite sides of the Internet to get to know the woman who would unseat Sessions, who is well-known as a tough opponent.

  Free Press Houston: What made you decide to run for Congress?

Danielle J Pellett: For far too long, I have been standing in a voting booth and my options were simply a Republican or Libertarian. I wondered where the Democrats were running for office. I kept thinking “someone should do something about that.” This past year, I finally decided that I needed to be the person who stood up to do something about it.

  FPH: More specifically, are you opposing Pete Sessions because of anything he specifically stands for or just because of the direction the Republican Party has taken?

Pellett: As a former conservative, I disagree with the direction that their party has taken. Most notably, some of Sessions’ votes betray core conservative Republican values: shutting down the government repeatedly, refusing to get clean water to Flint, and opposing a raise to minimum wage to get families off of food stamps. We should be fiscally responsible and stop subsidizing Big Oil and make Wall Street answer to why we had to bail them out in 2008.

  FPH: You’ve talked about growing up with Republican/Libertarian ideals, and rather than throwing those by the wayside you feel that some aspects of that simply feel more at home in the Democratic Party than in the GOP. What of your original stances do you find mesh the best with the DNC?

Pellett: I believe in a small government, which means not getting involved in family matters like they did with Terri Schaivo, or overturning the fracking ban they did in Denton. When I was young, I was on the Federal free lunch system and at one point we were on food stamps in order to make ends meet. My parents were not lazy, and their hard-working ethic put the lie to the welfare queen narrative. Despite what Paul Ryan says, those meals didn’t leave me with an empty soul. It fed a child and made them able to study and succeed in life.

What feels like a lifetime ago, I wound up not going to OCS [Officer Candidate School] and getting a commission with the Air Force due to the Air Force core value of Integrity first because of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. As I studied the oath of office and realized that to protect the Constitution from all enemies foreign and domestic, they were some horrific domestic policies that need to change.

We were firing gay military translators as we invaded Iraq and Afghanistan, while not putting those wars in the budget and kept asking for “emergency funding” as if it were a surprise that we were still there. We’re supposed to support our troops, but where was the support there?

Finally, I believe in provable facts over political dogma. Pollution is bad, and climate change is real. Drug testing is more expensive to the government than welfare is, and poor people can’t afford drugs. It’s even cheaper to rehabilitate addicts rather than locking them up in jail.

  FPH: You credit Sen. Bernie Sanders (D-VT) with a political awakening in 2001. What about Sen. Sanders’ and your own ideology would be most beneficial to Texans?

Pellett: Bernie Sanders has always been an independent who refuses to be bought out. He likes to tell it as it is, and refuses to let others get away with selling lies such as “Clean Coal” or that massive corporations just like to donate thousands of dollars to candidates and expect nothing in return.

His speech at Liberty University reminds us of our Texas values of working hard and paying our fair share. So when I see the ultra-rich getting away with squirreling away their money in illegal overseas tax shelters, I know that they are not paying their fair share. Instead, they are paying politicians to distract us with these supposed culture wars over abortion, gay marriage, and which bathroom we can pee in.

We used to have our roads and bridges paid for by tax dollars, now you see toll roads being built all over the place. We even have toll roads that are paid off that are still getting government subsidies while the companies that maintain them are collecting toll money.

  FPH: Why do you think so many Representatives end up running unopposed?

Pellett: Just like doing taxes, a lot of things are designed look harder in order to make people feel like they are unable to comprehend or do it. We also have rampant gerrymandering that makes districts nearly impossible to win.

My district right now vaguely looks like a donkey. This was done with regard to the historically low voter turnout in Garland. Due to the tenacity of Victoria Neave and her get-out-the-vote efforts, she won in a district that everyone had assumed was impossible.

  FPH: Texas, particularly Dallas and Houston, is a place where large corporations hold significant sway, and provide a living for many, many people and their families. Is your message in opposition to them, or is there a place where people and corporations come together for the greater good?

Pellett: The economy has been faltering for the past decade. For anyone who has ever played Monopoly, you realize that income inequality will ruin people. Once we have a winner in Monopoly, the game comes to an end. But how does that work in real life?

If a few corporations have all the money and all the resources while the majority of the middle and worker class doesn’t have enough money to make ends meet… then these corporations are now unable to sell their wares to the public. In short, who will be left to buy stuff when everyone is barely scrounging by to have shelter and food?

So what I would say to business interests is this: you have to look at a five-year profit plan rather than just the next quarter. In the short run, shutting down your factories and sending jobs overseas for lower pay seems to do great, but this has happened on a macro scale and has ruined Michigan.

For the greater good, businesses must want to increase their pay to match inflation. Businesses must realize that government should work as a check and balance in order to protect the people. We must remember the lessons from the Deepwater Horizon, West Texas, and the Magnablend plant in Waxahachie that prove we must have and enforce regulations for the safety of the people.

There has to be a balance between helping businesses thrive and making certain that we don’t have poisonous chemicals in our water like they had in Corpus Christi.

  FPH: If you had to pick one issue that was most dire in need of addressing in Texas, what would it be and how would you address it?

Pellett: Education is the linchpin for all of this. We need to teach science without religious bias, we need to teach history without politically-motivated revisionism, and we need to fully explain where babies come from and how to avoid that in order to reduce our teen pregnancy rate.

  FPH: Do you anticipate support from the DNC in your candidacy?

Pellett: I expect that the DNC will support me once I win the primary. I have already reached out to multiple candidate sponsorship programs and political action committees that are dedicated to promoting science and Progressive values that will not cost me my morals and ethics.

There is a way to work from within the system where you can get $27 donations from regular people and you do not have to rely on the backing of the fracking industry in order to compete in a political race.

  FPH: What do you think will be the biggest challenge in your race?

Pellett: I’m up against one of the most powerful people in the Texas Republican Party, who is well known and is instrumental in getting lots of money from wealthy out-of-state donors and from political action committees. In the past two years, Pete Sessions has raised over $2 million. Only 1 percent of that came from small dollar donations, so we know exactly who he answers to.

All I can hope to do is call him out on this while proving that I am the better candidate that understands the values of Texans today and for our next generation.

  FPH: You’re one of a number of trans women nationwide I know are running for office in 2018, including some prominent ones like Brianna Wu. What empowers you the most against the almost-inevitable transphobic backlash?

Pellett: I’m not running because I’m transgender, I’m running because I believe in helping middle and working-class Texans. I just happened to be transgender, and I honestly expect more push back from the fact that I’m an ex-conservative and I know how they think, how they speak, and I know how to destroy their talking points.

  FPH: Being the biased, lamestream media, I probably fucked some of this up, so here’s a small bit where you can say anything you want.

Pellett: My mother, Maria del Rosario, was born with cerebral palsy. It was misdiagnosed as polio when she grew up, and she had the Forrest Gump leg braces and walked with a noticeable limp. She was told all her life that she was an invalid and a cripple, and she couldn’t do the same things that her sisters could.

Naturally, she went ahead and did the thing anyways. She defied my grandfather by walking to Mass every morning before going to Catholic School. She defied my grandfather by going to college and getting a degree in teaching English as a second language to special-needs students.

She defied her family by falling in love with and marrying a gringo, my father David Ellsworth. Her doctor said it would be impossible for her to have a child. I am the product of one stubborn Latina and the man who supported her.

When I started supporting Bernie Sanders at the Texas Democratic Party and wanted to engage in direct democracy through a petition process at the State Convention, everyone told me it was impossible. I defied the naysayers and did three of them.

Meet the Trans Woman Running for Pete Sessions’ Seat in Congress this is a repost