#If I'm not cheery I'll be taken as a brooder.
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sometimes i think about hyouka and how that might have been the reason why I ended up liking men and woman
#sexuality is complex i daren't say that I'm an expert on exactly why people are gay#but...i saw myself in oreki not in his sheer deductive capabilities (although i wouldn't say I'm dumb I'm no genius...)#but in his philosophy.#i understand what it's like to think differently. to just be in a different intellectual space than the people around you.#i've been called an old soul growing up and that's landed me in...questionable circumstances that probably shouldn't be in a tumblr post#but i could never speak like a normal person#and doing so now just feels like a performance#i must maintain eye contact or they'll think i'm lying. i must smile or they'll think I'm scowling.#If I'm not cheery I'll be taken as a brooder.#and no matter what I do I will never feel at ease when talking to people.#I understand what it's like to feel like putting energy into that is just a waste and leaves you underprepared for the next day#the fantasy of a pretty social and charming girl who just saw me as fucking incredible even when blunt#well...I think it's what sparked my attraction to women. I'm so sure if it were a gay anime I might have never realized I'm bisexual
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