#If I should be changing my meds
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Y’all ever see a take that is so unhinged it actually gives you a little anxiety
#I’m not gonna specify the take#because I’m still so baffled and confused#I just wanna know if this is universal#oooor#If I should be changing my meds
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i like him
#somebody needs to keep me 8 metres away at all times or else ill start chewing on him#i just want everyone to know if i end up making a character who happens to resemble harvey in any shape or form#it probably wasnt a coincidence 😐and it will happen again#if i remember maybe ill try getting stardew when it goes on sale.. my friend showed me her farm and she named her chicken after doja cat#or maybe it was nikki minaj i cant remember. and she also said smth about monsters and passing out if you stay out after a certain hour#idk how accurate tht is all i know is the funny fucked up grandpas bed#i read somewhere that harveys supposed to be in his early to mid thirties and i dont have a problem with it but i think itd be very funny#if hes actually younger than he looks hes just a med school postgrad lmao. idk how well that headcanon would hold up since ive#never played the game and idk how often ppl talk about his age or if itsjust an implied thing. i just think its really really funny#im trying to get into the habit of drawing poses so im using reference images to try and build up muscle memory#i found some cute pictures of two ppl playing by the sea shore and it reminded me of xin and sailor so im gonna draw em like that#i havent drawn em in so long..... maybe i should update xins reference since i changed their lore quite a bit#myart#my art#doodles#stardew valley#stardew#sdv#sdv harvey#kinda wanna see him whimper a little bit. as a treat
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College (uni??) AU catering to my own interests as it should always be hehe :)
#projecting my major on Vash because them mfs who have changed from the med field majors to that one have some tragic things to tell#and also because I think that Vash would be such a wonderful designer I don’t know why it’s a gut feeling#Nai the law major because of course he would have you seen the guy#he would be a personal injury lawyer because lore#fun fact Nai rested for a semester after the incident with Vash while Vash took two.He never told Nai he would be changing majors#so it was a big big shock for him. they fought again but yk I’ll explain more on that if anyone is interested#as to Kni and WW I thought it’d be funny if they shared a common subject that required a lot of team assignments#and they can NEVER work out together. being an absolute nightmare to the rest of their group#separately they are great to work with. even if Kni can come off as too bossy sometimes he is actually a great leader#and WW would always deliver things on time exactly as it was asked from him#but Kni and WW just never really matched. Kni was too rude at times when WW made a mistake and WW would always clock him if he passed a line#like insulting his reasons for wanting to study security#one day Kni tells him at the beginning of a new semester where they both have unfortunately landed on a shared subject again#“you are not suited for that sort of job Wolfwood. you should simply give up and why don’t you go play role model to your little kids’’#then WW beats him again and then is like hey yk what you’re kinda right. and changed majors and he feels so much more at home studying#education/teaching than security. he fucking hates some things but the end goal makes it worthy#Trigun Uni! AU#because I don’t know how differently a college and a uni work#trigun#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun stampede#vashwood#trigun fanart#wolfwood#vash#Nai saverem#millions knives#lenssi draws#pen!
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#fancy has made some strides with the babies and will now accept some affection#but she has also Changed and is much less confident and bright#and i noticed today that she has lost weight#so she's going to the vet when we can get her in on a Saturday#and hopefully there's nothing wrong#but if she can't pick up the threads of who she was#i#I don't know if we should keep the babies because it's having such an effect on her#she's never been anxious or nervous#meds help but also make her sleepy#she just isn't as engaged and spends a lot of time in her spots and not roaming#i know they're just rambunctious because they're young and have bad boundaries and maybe it will improve#but im so worried#to take them and then give them up again when they are so sweet and funny#i just#I don't know what to do#and my boyfriend is still really struggling with grief#im so tired#i just want it all to be good again#I want everything to go back to when everyone was healthy#they make me laugh and smile and they are beautiful to look at and I'm so lucky we found them but if they don't fit#we have to make a choice and it absolutely sucks#i hate this year so much
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#meme#homemade memes#cw dysphoria#trans#bones are stupid#cw dysphoria venting#waiting out current phase of transition changes to happen#(cause I got my dose raised again in april & am waiting for my next two surgeries & continuing tryna build muscle 😔)#hoping it'll get to a point eventually where the affirming bits are overpowering enough to ppl's perception#that I can dress the bits I can't change (like hips) in things that suit them#and do the whole embracing looking trans thing without worrying abt the misgendering#but alas I won't believe in my body's ability to do that until I see it#seeing as I still get lady-ed & unquestioningly she/her-ed 5 years into HRT + post two highly visible surgeries#+ fully dressed in men's clothes + sporting the shortest hair I've ever had -.-#cis ppl learn what transmascs look like & what that means for words you use on them challenge 2024- difficulty level: impossible apparently#I've had several ppl in the last few months that I literally TOLD I am trans/'it's he/him'/was clocked as trans by#who then STILL proceeded to misgender me anyway???#like what more can I do than literally straight up tell you????#I told a clinician who was looking at my knee the other month that I was trans (cause they always ask abt all meds n diagnoses)#and he misgendered me as a trans woman on his report like-#sir I am 5'4" and have a flat chest baby face and facial hair#and I was telling you abt how I've been on HRT for years and have had several Transgender Surgeries#you're a bone doctor you know how bones work and what their limitations are and you have functionning eyes#you should be able to put 2 and 2 together abt how this works even if you've never met a trans person holy fuck#(I wrote a complaint and they amended the report and sent me an apology meanwhile but still like- buddy wtf)
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*complaining for no reason again because i am bored* i need more ppl to know that these. are all the same person these are literally canonically all the exact same individual person im begging u
literally almost all the ganondorfs are the exact same individual and almost all the ganons are the exact same individual, almost all the ganondorfs & ganons are the same exact person just in different forms and circumstances. except for FSA and maybe whatever the fuck is going on with TotK ganondorf but i still think it’s weird that he still has golden eyes & rounded ears when even the gerudo in TotK’s ancient past dont, but anyway ashfjsbfjsn
#not like you always have to subscribe to canon because it’s often impossible to know the truth of certain things#or some things that are canonical just suck and should be changed anyway but like#of all the things that are like relatively basic facts for ppl engaging in the Lore or whatever#ppl are like always. Always talking about ganondorf as if every iteration of him is a different person just like link & zelda#but so much of his character development stems from the fact that WW ganon and TP ganon are both different timeline offshoots of OoT ganon#i’m not even citing the ‘Official Timeline’ on this because it is silly & confusing but i just literally mean#in terms of basic canon continuity#that WW and TP were conceptualized even in the early 2000s to be the events that occur distantly after the two timeline splits OoT created#because OoT is a game about time travel and the entire concept of the split timelines in this series#originated from the two different scenarios that are created by link & zelda’s use of the master sword and the ocarina#WW ganondorf and TP ganondorf are both literal older versions of OoT ganondorf in 2 different futures#not to mention all of the ganons in the early games. OoT was made as a prequel that both literally and figuratively#attempted to humanize the main antagonist of the series#OoT ganondorf at the time WAS the ‘ganondorf with character development and an actual motivation’#WW ganondorf (who is the same person.) just actually got to vocalize what specifically his motivation was#which is great!! and also retroactively gives OoT ganondorf more context & depth#can u tell i am off my meds at the moment and have nothing better to do with my time ahsjfhskfhdj
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i may be stupid
#(but im not sure)#a doodley#i am not going to lie to you guys i am insanely scared of anti depressants. and adjacent medication.#first of all like ive said i dont think i need them#im doing way better than last yr(s) despite being in the same circumstances. i did in fact will my brain to get it together.#i told my doctor i think my issues are a result of my environment and that is what i think it is.#i dont think meds cld help change my innate personality flaws#second of all sorry but my ****** is all i have i cant risk losing it to the side effects#idk! like. idk. you guys really dont get it it really is just laziness for me#since i was a kid i just didnt have Goals and its continued to my detriment#i was also raised to doubt all my decisions so here we are#im sure my friends think im lazy bc what ive described to them IS laziness#im like the only person i know without hashtag goals and life motivation...and all my friends have mental health stuff too#so its not that...! its personality. its laziness#its literally like the ''my son is 35 and refuses to get a job and does nothing all day'' reddit posts#with ''he's not depressed he's lazy you should just kick him out and refuse to keep providing for him'' comments and all
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#i realized ive been describing stiorra as being raven-haired#but im wondering if i should go back in change that as shes med-brown in 4 and a darker brown in 5#i just have been using it cause my mom always described me as raven-haired and i have dark brown hair kinda like brida in s5#paulas thoughts#tldr; curious to see if people think of raven-hair as the same color as me so pple dont think im describing show stiorra wrong
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(this was actually two months ago but OCD is making me pretty exhausted right now, so I made a meme to distract myself)
so….anyway, how the heck do I handle OCD?? I’ve had symptoms most of my life so I’m not new to that, but I’ve kind of just been trying (and really failing) to manage it on my own. I tend to struggle the most with moral OCD and relationship OCD (but mainly with friendships or people I look up to) and I ruminate a lot—I have no idea how to stop the rumination that comes with it. So what do I do? Trying to treat the intrusive thoughts as neutral instead of having the immediate "ahh, bad thought!!" reaction isn't really working, and my biggest compulsion right now is blinking really hard, which is unfortunately hard to hide and control.
#I should probably stop posting my mental problems on the internet esp. since I haven't posted anything in a while#but I'd like advice from people who know more than I do about how to deal with this#I've been on meds for the OCD for a month and I haven't noticed any change :/#my psychiatrist said she thought it would help a ton so that's making me nervous#i just need to talk to her and figure it out#actually ocd#moral ocd#relationship ocd
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How to stop being the fucking worst
#Like snapping at partner because I’m hungry and overstimulated but didn’t realize either#And I’ve been ascribing it to burnout but I guess maybe I should try changing my meds too?#and then of course I spiral in guilt for being so terrible#moshke writes#but not about writing
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the school arc to me is so good because it drags ciel out of his position as a powerful figure and literally places him in the shoes of the person he could have been. the circus arc ALSO drags him out of his position as big bad queens watch dog/head of the phantomhive estate but the school arc feels like a mockery of a future that never was. this is what he could have been had his parents not died. and even then its NOT because he will never be that kid.
he never was.
#ramblings#incoherent beyond belief its 4 am#and im trying to avoid manga spoilers#might add a reblog with more coherent thoughts when i wake up but im off my meds so i cant promise anything#actually correction im being vague w the manga spoilers#manga readers know whats up#idk if there are any anime only ppl who havent been spoiled on The Plottwist Ever yet#but i figured there will be new fans and though im not tagging this it might still get seen so#cant WAIT to see our boy absolutely miserable in animation form should they recreate that arc LMAOOO#which ofc is after the germany arc so thats still a long time away#but STILL. itd be fun i need to see this young teenager lose his mind in color with sound#him relying on sebastian to do all his fag duties (sorry. dredge) so he can work his way up the social ladder#trying to gain power while simultaneously proving that he cant do anything but rely on others#hes always needed help in basically every way and he hasnt CHANGED he just got a demon to do it for him#he learns to lie and charm and cheat and all the while hes a fucking CHILD WHO STILL STRUGGLES WITH NORMAL THINGS#ciel is my little baby and i love him deeply no matter how much of a little bitch he can be#his helplessness isnt just 'oh he was raised in british high society' its also that he never got the chance to learn anything#which to elaborate on that id also have to go into manga territory. iykyk#like absolutely at this point he just refuses to learn how to do things he has a pet demon to do it for him#but.#hi the phantomhives backstory is killing me again its so late#both atlantic and the school arc are just setup for the Big Arc but theyre very good in their own right i SWEAR#also when i rewatched the circus arc a while back and i realised how some scenes were shot#the heavy foreshadowing that i didnt realise. yk. 7 years ago or however long its been since i first watched it#CRAZY#if you are new. to kuroshitsuji. and you havent read the manga. dear god. read the manga#ALSO GRELLE IN THAT ARC IS SO BEAUTIFUL & OTHELLO IS TRANSMASCULINE. OKAY GOODBYE
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anyway here's my plan.
tomorrow, pick up my new meds, get some groceries, and go to compass.
next week, talk to my dad's paralegal friend about which program i should get into.
week after, i have my first appt with the new therapist.
week after that, the lamictal should be kicking in.
#three to four more weeks of being in limbo#and then at least i will have a settled plan for job stuff. be back in therapy. and be at therapeutic doses of my new med.#god willing everything works out. and i like the therapist. and the meds actually work. and i don't have a full-blown breakdown and#entirely change my mind about the paralegal plan or something.#anyway. ok. i'm done journaling on my tumblr blog for the night. thank u all for listening.#i'm gonna be okay. i just need to make it through one more month and then things should be easier. at least for a few months. please please#izzy.txt
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Partner: *starts laughing when he thinks he catches me licking a tupperware while I stand in the middle of our darkened kitchen*
"Why are you licking that?"
Me: *trying to talk through muffled giggles*
"hole on iss eben fubbier"
Partner: *???*
Me: *spits out the avocado pit that I was sucking all the excess avocado off of into the tupperware, and wiggles it menacingly at him*
"Had to get it all off!"
Partner: 😳😅
"You are..."
Me: *a fuckin loopy ass gremlin*
"Aren't I?" 🥰
#minor health update in the tags#i'm so out of it y'all#but the mood has improved#and chapter 31 is coming along!#also how tf else am i supposed to get all the avocado off the pit without touching it with my fingers???? lol#about lynna#turtletaub shitposts#should i tag this with all my disorders? 😅#neurospicy#lynna's health update: my brain is weird af with or without external help#and after a couple of weeks into this recent med change i am now in the loopy ass gremlin brain stage#but i'm not mad at it 🤷#just having a hard time focusing 😩#lynna's health updates#cw medication#cw health
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YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS THATS RIGHT ITS ART SUMMARY TIME. OH YEEAAAH
tpn is definitely one of the longest fixations i've had in a very long time, these kids mean soo much to me and have helped me branch out with my art in really fun ways. i'm really happy with where my style is now, and heres to another year of drawing the same damn anime characters <3
2022 | 2021 | 2020
#skye's doodles#skye's ramblings#ive been using both tags for these im not quite sure why. but i do love to ramble on these#did NOT have enough space for all my favorite pieces choosing was soo hard for some months ... 2024 skye should space out his favs better#to be honest this year was. interesting !! my motivation became a little rocky towards the end#partially due to finally getting a diagnosis for something ive been struggling w forever + med trials and annoying side effects YAAY#but i am glad i have still been able to make art that i can be happy with despite all that and it honestly feels. a little more special?#idk if that really makes sense but yah. really happy with how my art has developed this year cant wait for next year <3#also godd the way ray n don each take up half these spaces... anime boy disease is incurable i fear <3#n yah i totally just grabbed this template from the one i made last year n changed the top doodle/year. i will probably keep doing this <3#shoiuld i tag this as tpn? it is all tpn and ive seen other summaries in the tag today. much to think about
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You know what? Fuck you. *Bloodbornes your Pinnochio again*
#sin scribbles#(hi im back from finishing ng++ on lies of p and now i have nothing left to do so my vacation in krat is over)#(ive since changed my mind. now i have literally every amulet every weapon and a grand total of 420 levels LMAO MAYBE I WILL DO THE DLC!!!)#(when the dlc eventually and inevitably comes out that is)#(but for now i have returned to yharnam and thought itd be funny to do a pino run bc i am simple and easily pleased.)#(watch the joke fully be on me when i get attached to this hunter and he just becomes his own thing tho LMAO)#(ahhhh....bloodborne. i missed ye dearly)#(as much fun as i ended up having with lop once entering ng+ lmao)#(oh yeah my new adhd meds came in today so wish me luck!! i may be finally able to return to my art properly now!!!! AAAAAAA)#(should i livestream the pinnochio run 😂 i feel like that would be fun. i still mean to start streaming i just been...so waylaid)#(so much has happened!!!)#(unironically love this boi already tho tbf)#(he does have his freckles.....)#(as much as i love ruza and aloysha and as much love as i put into their profiles omg they are kitted out 2 the max)#(did you see people modding the bloodborne gear into lop tho lmao genius stuff i love mods i wish i had the pc version tbf)#(ANYWAY HI!!! OMG HOW ARE YOU ALL i feel like its been years since i was actually active here sobs)#(adhd is a hell of a curse for my hubris)
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girl who is not going to be okay (i need to phone the gp to chase up a missing prescription)
#:)#two weeks ago i gave them a letter requesting a dosage change on the order of my hospital consultant#and they said 'oh yeah it should be ready for you in 2 or 3 working days' which didn't happen#but my regular prescription runs out in like two days time and the pharmacy hasn't received any info for almost a month#so like. my regular prescription isn't being processed and my new dosage never got dealt with so. very cool situation#do you know how Awful it feels having to make phone enquiries every single month about my meds because there's always problems#i don't wanna chew them out for not being good because my gp has a budget of 50p but like. it's updating a prescription dosage#why is this so hard for anyone to actually do effectively............#to make matters worse when i gave them the letter they said 'our other services are slow but we are still really quick with prescriptions'#like lol. lmao even#maybe they're withholding my prescription because i have bad vibes. maybe it's my destiny to just explode and die......
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