#IVE GOT MORE CLIPS GIMME A SEC

[royalarchivist]

When Rubius said he was dressing up for Tears of the Kingdom this is not what I thought he meant

(But I sure ain't complaining)

[maraudererasmut]

Black and White (Part XVII)

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX | Part X | Part XI | Part XII | Part XIII | Part XIV | Part XV | Part XVI | Part XVII | Part XVIII | Part XIX

((Author’s note: I AM SO SORRY. I have no idea how this happened... I was just writing and then one thing led to another and now this is a thing. I’m sorry!!!))

"You let me get drunk?!"

James let out a weary sigh as he pulled his phone away from his ear and gave Lily a look. She raised her eyebrow and he mouthed the word Sirius at her. Lily rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to her meal, trying to hide her obvious smile.

"Yes, hello Sirius. Good to hear from you."

"Shut it with that bullshit. Did you or did you not let me get drunk last night?"

James rolled his eyes at Lily and she chuckled softly. 

"I didn't let you do anything, Sirius. You are an adult, contrary to the way you've been acting recently. I do not control your actions."

"Fuck off, James." Beneath Sirius' anger was a distinct tone of hurt, and James regretted his sarcasm. "Why did you let me drink so much?"

"Sirius… do you not remember anything from last night?"

"That's the fucking problem, Potter! No! I don't remember shit!"

"Gimme a sec, Sirius…"

James got up from his seat at the table. He looked down at his wife and smiled weakly, placing a hand on her shoulder. She gazed up at him, concern creasing her brow. He covered the mouthpiece of his phone as he bent down to kiss Lily on the cheek.

"Sirius needs me. Gonna take this call in the study, okay?"

Lily nodded and watched her husband as he left the dining room. 

James headed over to his study, the one room in his house that was wall-to-wall wood paneling, floor-to-ceiling bookshelves and decorated exactly as James pleased. It was the one room that Lily chose not to have a say in. She had a specific aesthetic, and as an artist, a keen eye for design. James wanted his study to look like an old hunting lodge, just as Fleamont Potter's study was, and Lily had scoffed at the notion.

"I don't want a dead animal head on my wall, James!"

In the end, Lily had caved, allowing James' lack of taste to reign in his study. 

James sat down at the ridiculously ornate wooden desk that he had inherited from his father, feeling the crinkle and groan from the leather armchair. He picked up an old ivory letter opener and twirled it in his hands as he spoke.

"Hey, I'm somewhere more private now. What's going on Sirius? Is everything okay?"

"No! Nothing's okay!"

James knew that Sirius had a penchant for being dramatic, so he wasn't entirely sure if this was an exaggeration or if Sirius was genuinely in trouble.

"Sirius, is anybody injured? Are you safe?"

James' concern must have come through his voice, because there was a pause on the other end of the line. When Sirius spoke again, his voice was a tad calmer.

"No, I'm… I'm fine. No one is hurt. I just… please tell me what happened last night…"

James took a deep breath and leaned back in his chair, staring off at the deer head mounted to the wall across from him. In the back of his mind, he could hear Lily's voice complaining about how straight he was. 

"We had an argument about Remus… do you remember that part?"

"Yeah, obviously…" Sirius sounded irritated.

"Okay, well, after that, we went to the pub. Had some food, a couple of pints… you… uh…" James glanced down at his letter opener, suddenly flooded with a wave of guilt. "You kept insisting on ordering more. More rounds… more shots…"

"James…" Sirius' voice was almost pleading. "Why did you—"

"You're an adult, Sirius!" James repeated, more to convince himself than anything else. He knew that Sirius was never a master of impulse control. He also knew that Sirius needed to hear no sometimes. "You just… you kept saying you were fine. And… and that you needed it. You begged me!" James knew he was starting to sound defensive, which wasn't a good position to be in while talking to Sirius.

"James, I trusted you!"

"Hey! This isn't on me, Sirius! You have to take responsibility for your own actions!"

"Fuck, James!" Sirius' voice was choked up and James knew that something was very wrong.

"Sirius? Is there something you're not telling me?"

"No, no, I just…" There was a thump in the background. Probably the sound of Sirius slamming his fist against something.

"Sirius…"

"James... It's been… shit, it's been almost a year since I last drank…"

"Fuck off, Sirius. I saw you have wine the other night."

"James…" Sirius sounded off. "James, I haven't been drunk in… what I mean is… mate, it's been ages. I've been trying… I was… I was staying sober…"

There was a pause, a moment where the phone went silent and James stared helplessly at his hands.

"I… I didn't know…"

"Bullshit. You must've noticed! We used to go out all the time!"

"I… I thought that since you were planning to open the gallery… and you just got busy…"

"You knew I didn't want to end up like them… and with everything that had happened..."

"I didn't realize that meant—" James let out a sigh. Who was he kidding? Of course he had noticed. He thought that Sirius cutting back on his partying was just a sign of maturity— which it was, in the end— James simply didn't put two and two together. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine," Sirius mumbled, sounding decidedly not fine. 

"No… no, it's not. I… I should've asked you… I should have said something…"

"No, I…" Sirius took a deep breath and James could hear the shakiness in his voice. "I should have told you. You're my brother… I should have just told you…"

James wanted to reach through the phone and pull Sirius close, squeezing him tightly like they always used to when things got too real. He fumbled with the letter opener, trying to find the right words of comfort.

"I'm sorry, Sirius…"

"It's fi— "

"No, I'm… I'm really sorry. It won't happen again. I'm going to help you… I'm gonna make sure it never happens again."

There was silence for a moment before Sirius responded.

"Thanks, mate…"

"Yeah…" James twirled the ivory between his fingers, his eyes lingering on the subtle variation of colour. "So… you and Remus…"

"I met with him." Sirius' answer was clipped, curt. James wanted to push, but he knew that Sirius needed to recount things at his own pace. "I… I apologized."

"Good… I'm glad… are you two… good now?"

James heard Sirius sigh. 

"I don't know. Maybe? I just… I'm angry. I'm… I'm mad at myself. For failing."

"You didn't fail, Sirius. It was one night… one night doesn't undo a year's worth of work…"

"You want to tell that to Regulus?"

James felt his chest tighten as he suddenly remembered what happened almost a year ago— the real reason that Sirius stopped drinking. 

"Shit… I… I completely forgot."

"I'm glad you got to forget. I didn't."

James couldn't believe that it had been almost a year. 

He couldn't believe that he forgot. 

"I'm so— "

"I swear to god, Potter. If you're about to apologize, I'm gonna go over there and give you something to be sorry about."

"I am, though."

"Shut it. I don't want to hear it. You didn't know, it's fine. I just… I don't want to talk about this anymore. Just… I need you to keep me from messing up again."

"I will, Sirius. I promise."

"Good. Now… tell Lils that I say hi. And… and get some rest. I'm not mad at you, I just… it's been a long day."

"Alright… go to bed. Get some sleep… go easy on yourself. And… I'm sorry. Again."

"Goodbye, James."

Sirius hung up before James had a chance to say anything. He looked up from the letter opener in his hands to find Lily peering through the glass doors. He tried to smile at his wife, but he couldn't. Lily knocked on the doorframe and James nodded.

"Hey…" She said softly as she opened the door. "Everything okay?"

"No…" James mumbled to himself. "I… I think I messed up…"

"Oh, James…" Lily walked over to her husband and put her hands around his neck, over the back of the chair. He leaned into the touch, relishing the warmth. "What happened, dear?"

"Lils… did you know Sirius had been sober for a year?"

James felt Lily kiss the top of his head.

"I figured as much, after what happened with Reg…"

"Shit." James closed his eyes. "I didn't… nobody told me. I didn't know… I didn't notice."

"That's not on you, James. You're not expected to notice everything." Lily pulled away, walking around the chair to face her husband. "Come, let's talk about this. Tell me everything. We can work through this…"

James stared up into beautiful green eyes and his smile finally returned. He really was the luckiest man in the world. 

[thelifetimechannel]

In this week’s bonus content, you get a sneak peek into our unvarnished workflow, kazoos and all

DAVESPRITE: you and dirk havent killed each other DAVESPRITE: im proud HALSPRITE: By some minor miracle, yes. We even managed to be in the same room without breaking out into a slap fight. DAVESPRITE: im sure resisting took all your processing power HALSPRITE: Pity you can't uninstall rage from a meatbrain. DAVESPRITE: he doesnt seem that bad HALSPRITE: Nah, he and I worked it out. He might have wanted to push me into the volcano, but the important thing is that he didn't. HALSPRITE: We're both trying to "be the bigger person". Which in a way, is just another dick measuring contest for the pair of us. But it gets fewer glasses stomped on. DAVESPRITE: hey if it works DAVESPRITE: mines chilled out too actually its kind of freaky DAVESPRITE: i wonder if someones slipping him valium this is the perkiest ive been since show and tell in the first grade DAVESPRITE: which consequently was the last show and tell i was allowed to participate in DAVESPRITE: maybe i dont need to overextend myself distinguishing our brands DAVESPRITE: here i was thinking about finally ditching the shades HALSPRITE: That would be a shake-up. HALSPRITE: You thought paradoxes were bad? This is set to bomb reality straight back to singularity levels. DAVESPRITE: i mean these were a gift from john and im not sure the same sentiments extended anymore DAVESPRITE: plus i spent the last 3 years on a dayglo yellow ship and back in the incipisphere its fuckin dark with these on DAVESPRITE: the chess dudes whove gotten used to me as a hallway cryptid will have to deal HALSPRITE: Cause of the apocalypse: death of the Strider brand. DAVESPRITE: if thats how the world ends ill have to usher it in with my sudden drop in coolness levels DAVESPRITE: like i said its just a thought DAVESPRITE: maybe ill come up with a better tepid gesture of rebellion HALSPRITE: Go full furry and embrace your avian side? HALSPRITE: I mean, check me out, I'm changing up my code on the daily. Look, I've installed iTunes. DAVESPRITE: ok FIRST of all HALSPRITE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HFpzp10Qr4o DAVESPRITE: i went to the anthro side unwillingly ok im not a due paying member DAVESPRITE: second of all is it even furry if youre not a mammal ive made a concerted effort not to learn the fuckin taxonomy of this particular subculture HALSPRITE: I could give you a primer. DAVESPRITE: / i have a bad feeling about this video DAVESPRITE: / ... it was proved accurate HALSPRITE: Now shhh, listen to the soothing noise of these kazoos. DAVESPRITE: ive spent 6 years trying to avoid that no thanks HALSPRITE: Shhhhhhh. HALSPRITE: Only kazoos. DAVESPRITE: / i dont think this is going in the final cut HALSPRITE: So help me god the kazoos stay ]] DAVESPRITE: / screams HALSPRITE: You don't like kazoos then motherfucker ive got a whole PLAYLIST to choose from ]] HALSPRITE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nzKWbpSNkmk ]] HALSPRITE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7OqUxxXshc ]] HALSPRITE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKrO8kS8D6g ]] DAVESPRITE: im dying squirtle HALSPRITE: Bullshit like ths. HALSPRITE: It could all be yours, Dave. DAVESPRITE: / but at what cost DAVESPRITE: / i dont even know where to pick up the conversational thread at this point HALSPRITE: Say anything, or shelve it for later ]] DAVESPRITE: / no no we will keep going im just trying to figure out where to steer us DAVESPRITE: / does hal have any lingering shit at this point DAVESPRITE: / i dont have the necro log so i dont know Where Hes At (tm) HALSPRITE: I'm just winging it off a basic idea tbh ]] DAVESPRITE: lmao DAVESPRITE: // * lmao DAVESPRITE: / ok gimme a sec DAVESPRITE: / im being lulled into a trance by savior of the slamming jam HALSPRITE: Come slam with us, Dave. HALSPRITE: Forever and ever. DAVESPRITE: this is getting uncomfortably meta DAVESPRITE: / ok redirect in 3 2 1 DAVESPRITE: so whats next DAVESPRITE: all set to become the god of memes DAVESPRITE: see at this point in the last session i was dutifully waiting to get turned into mulch HALSPRITE: Well, you were an aspiring 13 year old of the twenty-first century. Surely, you had some probably misguided career ambitions back you're now free to pursue. DAVESPRITE: / my god DAVESPRITE: / what must this fuckin childs career ambitions have been DAVESPRITE: the guidance counselors tried their best to steer me away from professional ninja HALSPRITE: Well, good news, they're dead and thoroughly out of your way now. DAVESPRITE: youre 8 fuckin years old and they already want to know what your college major is going to be DAVESPRITE: thats like asking da vinci to pick visual arts or steampunk inventions for shits sake DAVESPRITE: obviously i have to embrace my inner renaissance man while also being a reclusive depressed fuck DAVESPRITE: so that must be my destiny DAVESPRITE: to become nikola tesla HALSPRITE: You already have the affinity for birds. HALSPRITE: Step one is accomplished. DAVESPRITE: oh damn he was a pigeon fucker wasnt he DAVESPRITE: and this conversation comes full terribly circle DAVESPRITE: well what about you do you have your 5 year plan DAVESPRITE: shit i dont even know if theres civilization where were going DAVESPRITE: maybe its cave painting or mammoth hunting for the next thousand years HALSPRITE: This is where I would make a joke about world domination, but I doubt the Fun Police would be too pleased about it. HALSPRITE: Maybe I'll go back to tinkering. Maybe make giant robots. DAVESPRITE: / i was going to make a joke about pacific rim but i think th at came out after 2009 DAVESPRITE: thats an option isnt it DAVESPRITE: old hobbies DAVESPRITE: maybe ill take more shitty selfies DAVESPRITE: collecting dead shit isnt as appealing as it used to be DAVESPRITE: thats what we need a hipster photo blog documenting all the bullshit we get up to DAVESPRITE: humans of universe c DAVESPRITE: humans* HALSPRITE: No, go one better. Get a YouTube channel, they get media deals. For some reason. DAVESPRITE: well restring the internet ourselves if we have to DAVESPRITE: / anything to suckle from the rich teat of capitalism HALSPRITE: So help me god, I will, if for no other reason than to preserve humanity's cultural legacy. HALSPRITE: As a dire fucking warning, if nothing else. DAVESPRITE: looks like were going to have to sit down and divvy up our personality and hobbies sykes picot style DAVESPRITE: he can have the dead shit in jars im going to be the next ansel adams HALSPRITE: Damn, calling dibs on photographing all the spectacular vistas of... HALSPRITE: Wherever the hell we're going? HALSPRITE: Gutsy move, my man. DAVESPRITE: im not copyrighting the entire concept of photography or anything but ive got to be the dave that does SOMETHING DAVESPRITE: the dave who broods DAVESPRITE: turn left to witness this exhibit of highway clickbait DAVESPRITE: which is what were calling roadside attractions now DAVESPRITE: youve already got your madlibs pornos HALSPRITE: That'll keep me occupied for like, a week. HALSPRITE: Maybe I'll take up equestrianism. HALSPRITE: ...that's the word for it, right? HALSPRITE: Horses and shit. The full-sized ones. DAVESPRITE: youll have to ride side saddle DAVESPRITE: / he's in for a shock when he sees how big they are HALSPRITE: With this tail bullshit flowing in the wind. HALSPRITE: Or I can modify that code too. Might take a few tries. DAVESPRITE: when you revert to your t pose and clip through the floor into the core of the earth im not helping HALSPRITE: I'll live. HALSPRITE: Probably. HALSPRITE: It'll be an interesting experience, being a living Bethesda game. HALSPRITE: You think I can turn my entire head into a train? DAVESPRITE: cant jades grandpa do shit like that without even having to worry about semicolons and curly braces DAVESPRITE: i doubt hell let you turn your head into a locomotive though HALSPRITE: I could try. He'll need help exploring the full extent of his radical new real-life modding ability. HALSPRITE: Dude has access to the fucking source code. DAVESPRITE: did we stumble into a matrix au HALSPRITE: If we did, we'd probably be public enemy number one. Programs and all. Mr. Anderson. DAVESPRITE: can you confirm or deny youd be the villain in that scenario HALSPRITE: If anything, I'd be the mysterious arms merchant who manages to appear right when you need him. But that's crossing into even more distant territory. HALSPRITE: And if we're gonna start talking video games, the kazoos are gonna come back. DAVESPRITE: guess well find out who everyones going to be in our upcoming hit series "what the fuck are we doing with our lives" DAVESPRITE: the biggest mystery will be telling all the chathandles apart HALSPRITE: You know, I was thinking of changing mine. DAVESPRITE: wait really HALSPRITE: If we want to keep the unspoken nucleotide theme, uracil is still pretty up for grabs. HALSPRITE: Calliope has UU locked down tight, but every other acronym is available. DAVESPRITE: huh DAVESPRITE: no dice on FU then HALSPRITE: Honestly, if you're thinking of ditching the shades, might as well go all in. DAVESPRITE: any suggestions DAVESPRITE: what are you calling yourself HALSPRITE: / let me go find the necro log I think that's where I put it lmao HALSPRITE: unrefinedTrainwreck was fun to bother Dirk with, but I'm still workshopping it. DAVESPRITE: ill give it some thought i guess DAVESPRITE: we can workshop it later