#IM SO ABSURDLY ANXIOUS ABOUT THIS !!

[3-aem]

You ever go im okay im fine but then something so insignificant happens and ur like inconsolably pissed off and part of u is like going wth this is weird why is this happening have you tried to live laugh l

[gender-trash]

waiting uncomfortably in my jeans and a robe in the trans surgery clinic for the surgeon to come and evaluate my boobs in-person

i hope theyre easily removable. i hope theyre not secretly made of adamantine. i hope i dont turn out to have regenerative superpowers that only apply to my tits somehow

[paraphwrites]

@carpediemma made a poll post about which characters would be who in an alice in wonderland au and none of the one's winning are the ones i want so i will now be justifying my thesis

alice - niko. above all else, alice must be curious and kind. she is also afraid, a lot, because she's in a wild new world - very similar of how niko is scared and in a new world (both ghost/supernatural, america, and a world without her father)

white rabbit - edwin. polite yet preoccupied, punctual yet anxious, obsessive yet unpredictable, always dressed smart... the similarities go on. and while i think some of their actions might not align entirely, i think there is a case to be made for edwin shewing someone along, insisting it must be done his own way

mad hatter - charles. playful, defiant to social norms, bit of an eccentric dress style! though charles is a bit less over the top, i feel that in the right environment, he could go totally mad. hatter has a lot of fun but there is this hint of despair to him which to me, entirely emulates charles

the dormouse - jenny. tired, confused, and underpaid, next question

the march hare - maxine. unpredictable, bizarre, reckless, excitable. not a huge character so not too much to go from but i see some loose similarities in the erratic nature - it's not that they're evil, it's that they're so invested in existence that they might stab you

please do not think of the implications of shipping the dormouse and the march hair i will not be held responsible for that

tweedledee and tweedledum - litty and kingham. petty?? childish?? looks similar??? guys come ON there is no more iconic duo in dbda! they're not very kind, they're not anti violence, they love attention- am i talking about the tweedles, or litty and kingham? you literally can't tell.

the caterpillar - tragic mick. appears when alice is uncertain and needs help, prompts her to reflect on her own identity. not particularly nice but is very helpful and kind, in his own way. calm, almost cryptic, slow manner of speech.

cheshire cat - the cat king. im not gonna explain this one

ok guys bare with me for the next two. they're kinda controversial. i could see them flipped and i did flip them many times but this is what i decided on

the duchess - esther. the duchess is abusive to her child (monty), but can be overly affectionate, as well. duchess is hella comedic in a dark way, she's got a fucked up relationship with power (duchess is a slave to the Queen, esther is a slave to the Snake), she's absurdly contradictory (like esther and her contradiction of wronging girls using lilith's gift)

the queen of hearts - the night nurse. the queen cannot see a way of life other than executions. i know she SEEMS hella emotional, but legit, i think it's more this desperate desire for feelings and sensations because she is so stuck in a loop of being listened to. the night nurse is similarly stuck in this loop of bureaucracy. neither are happy and neither have any true meaning to their lives. they both also seem to lack a nuance to empathy (nurse thinking ends justify the means so no need to feel guilty about the means, almost viewing finding the boys as a game in order to feel SOMETHING). neither would not survive a day in therapy

the king of hearts - kashi. foil to the queen of hearts, very minor character. gentle, soft spoken, trying his best, exists more in his own universe than anywhere else. the key difference is if they went to therapy, kashi's therapist would end up getting therapied, and king would just break down sobbing

the knave of hearts - monty. while if esther was the queen, maybe this would be more apt, but this is my analysis so i'll do what i want. the knave is a victim of absurd injustice, is somewhat sympathetic but ultimately a perpetuater of this same system. monty does the same thing with esther & her abuse. he is also young and handsome which, we've all seen joshua colley, i don't need to explain

the talking rose - crystal (with/pre-david.) haughty, mean, cruel, flirtatious. she's not a villain but she's definitely not on your side. she's critical, both of your looks, personality, and general vibe. but she's also just one of the many flowers, kind of how crystal was just one of the rich kids, not really doing all that much

in this version, i'd have when the flower's roots are freed be the same energy as the boy's getting rid of david. moment of self-transformation, free from curse. i will probably make a follow up post on how i'd do the plot, but i wanted to throw that bit on david out there.

[n0phalt]

people found this which is kind of funny but also kind of keeps reminding me that the thing Happened even though my brain has since blocked it out so. mixed bag

i love the grind i love experiencing something devastatingly life altering and getting home just in time to scarf down One meal for the day and sleep immediately so i can get up in time to do the last few days of job that makes me frustrated and guilty inherently. guy in corner meme ‘they dont know i witnessed the horrors yesterday’ with name tag that says ‘im sooooooo normal’

[theodoraflowerday]

heartstopper s3e3 live episode reaction

omg the beginning of this episode with nick like the first episode of the past two seasons w charlie

THE RUGBY LADS

DARCY WEARING PANTS AAAAAAAA

bro it makes me *so* happy that imogen is now hanging out with the girls too like yeah babygirl get yourself a nice group of friends

NAOMI AND FELIX!!!!!!!!!

NATHAN AND YOUSSEF I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

JSKFJSKFJSKGJDKGK MS SINGH LMAO

she's so right I want them to be engaged by breaktime let them get married please

NO KISS? HUG FIRST

my lil baby boys who LOVE EACH OTHER!!!!!! THEY SAID ILY!!!!!!!!

oh they're just. full on making out then. huh.

i love how you can see the progression of their relationship, physicality wise. like that's two people who will be going at it raw and nasty in a few episodes

they're holding hands under the desk I want them to die

THIS ISN'T MR AJAYI'S HIPPIE CLASS KSKFKSLFKSLFKSLFIDLGUDOGI that's ur future husband

oh nick's following the whole plan he made with auntie diane I'm gonna sob

god charlie's making me so anxious idk how I'm gonna do it next episode

LNDLSKFLSFJSLFJ we get it elleargentupdates

TAO'S IG BIO NAKDOSIFOSIFLSJFSLIDLGIDOGK HE REALLY WAS SHORTER IN HIS PREVIOUS LIFE IM DYING

but also "you two need to get a life" same isaac

LMAO HE WALKED IN ON NATHAN AND YOUSSEF SKFJSKFJDK

oh

oh yeah the rules. the ocd. that's also massively important. oh lord

NICK

I THINK HE'S DATING MR FAROUK KSJFISJFISFJODFJDKFU ok gossips

oh nick's not gonna gossip is he

ok, trying to mentally prepare for this

oh okay that wasn't bad thank god

oh he fell asleep :(

TAO COME ONNNNN

"I love you" "aw I love you too" I'm gonna rip my tits off perhaps

AW I WISH I HAD A BOYFRIEND HSKFJSKFJDKFJ ME TOO JAMES not the boyfriend part, the general feeling of loneliness part

JAMES NO LMAOOOOOOOO someone save isaac from all these allos

ARE YOU AROMANTIC oh my god james I could KISS YOU

im not used to hearing the word "aromantic" so many times it's really starting to feel overwhelming

oh is the wrapping a compulsion? I see it

also friendly reminder that I would kill a man for victoria spring

tori's older sister magic working overtime huh

bro if one (1) nicktori scene has me in *shambles* idk how I'm gonna cope during this winter

✨FRIENDSHIP✨

IT'S LIKE A MINI CHARLIE AAAAAA

oh oh OH OH OH IMOGEN AND SAHAR

SEEMS A BIT GAY TO ME LETS FUCKING *GOOOOOOOO*

time to reunite the meddling gays? please? for me?

I LIVE for established relationship narlie please god let us keep this energy

darcy questioning being called a "lady" oh I am getting fed from EVERY angle this season

tao no

TAO DONT

OH FUCK

lmao not [imogen humming nonchalantly] jskgjdkgjdkgj me

IM NOT APOLOGIZING YEAH WELL I'M NOT APOLOGIZING EITHER COOL COOL COOL COOL COOL COOL

I love that imogen can just be like "oh yeah I used to be into nick" with her whole friend group that includes nick and the love of nick's life

sahar we GET IT you don't wanna hear about imogen's boyfriends we get it

LITTLE PLANE omg

elle calling tao out on his bullshit is so good we love elle

god. will gao is a national treasure

THEYRE *NOT* HAVING THIS CONVERSATION OVER FISH

oh my god nick should grow up and be a therapist honestly

UH ME AND SAHAR AREN'T A COUPLE - BUT WHO SAID WE WERE

MAYBE STOP ACTING LIKE A COUPLE THEN?????

"I don't think we're talking about fish anymore" yeah honestly darcy we kinda got that

WHEN I FIRST REALIZED I LIKED CHARLIE I CRIED AT AN AM I GAY QUIZ NOIOIOSKFLSJFKSJFKSJFKDFJDKFKDLFKDLFKDLFK

NICK IS WESR TO GODKFLDKFOSOFLFKDLFKDLFKDLFLDLFK

oh he's tired, baby boy :(

god tao I love you but you come on SO STRONG sometimes oh my god

"cause he can barely talk to ME about it" bro 😭😭😭😭😭

HE GOT HIM A LEMUR PLUSHIE I WILL *KILL MYSELF*

those casual I love yous are going to destroy me

YOU LIKE MY SMELL?????

oh that was absurdly precious

"oh wow it's wrapped very neatly" haha yeah..... about That........

I KNEW the sneak peek cut right before nick said "I love you" I KNEW IT oh my god

bro if they say ily one more time I might genuinely end it all

oh

yeah, speaking about ending it all

god

god if they don't shower them with awards after this I'm gonna petrol bomb every academy

Oh he's gonna read it

HE'S GONNA READ IT NO I WASN'T COUNTING ON THAT

oh well

that was a thousand times worse than I anticipated

like, a MILLION times worse than I anticipated

oh my god

and it's only gonna get worse I can't deal with this

[iworshipsappho]

c!tommy for the headcanon ask game :DDD

🧸👻🎭🥇📚💔👽😶😭

(you dont have to answer all/more than one of them, idc I´m just really curious lol)

OOOOH this is gonna be funnnn >:333 strap right in!!!

🧸 A headcanon about their childhood mmm so ykn choomy was just 9 during the whole first war right? well uh imma take his childhood to be before everything went down. He was a summer child, bright vibes, all toothy grins and scraped up muddy knees. c!wilbur was a damn worrier, every time he saw c!toms all bloodied up mans would get anxious as fuck despite the obvious joy on tommy's face. and so when will wud bandage tommy up, tommy too would take a couple bandaids and stick them all over will's face and colour them in. so like when they're done wilbur wud just be a mess of awkwardly stuck bandaids covering his face while tommy would be haphazardly patched up :')

👻 A headcanon about what scares them mmm well, we all know about the tnt. im not too sure if the phantoms are canon or not, but to me ctoms is definitely terrified of them. and dont even get me started on bodies of water. both remind him of sleepless nights during exile and just utter helplesssness. im sure we all remember him waking up drowing every single fucking day. so yeah...

🎭 A headcanon about what they lie about oooh he's such a fucking liar man. he lies about almost everything, but not in a ooh im a teenage boy who's an idiot way. he just doesnt think that anyone would actually be interested in what he has to say. the only person he didnt lie to after exile was revivedbur, even with tubbo sometimes he wouldnt know whether or not to tell him how fucked up he actually was and wud lie that he was fine all the fucking time. another person he never lied to was probably cjack, he just didnt care what jack thought of him. oh he also probably lied about all the times shroud inadvertently hurt him, to chommy thats just how the spider shows affection and acknowledgement

🥇 A headcanon about what they’re best at he's the bestest boy ever. period. uhhh but liek if i had to specify smth uhhh my boy loves to crochet and he's ace at it. i personally dunno much about crochet but like i know we as a fandom widely headcanon the blue sweater knitting thing but like, imagine crocheting man. he'd just go full brrrr mode with it. like, someone wants smth? boom he fucking crochets it for them, in my mind, c!beeduo have a bunch of crocheted alliums that chommy made. (alliumduo my beloved, id give my life for them)

💔 An angsty headcanon ooofff my boy is the embodiment of angst man ffffffff. mmm so ykn how ctom's limbo was just utter darkness? well what if it wasnt. what it instead of darkness, he had every single "mistake" he ever made replayed over and over like a dream sequence? what id he spent months just unable to escape from visions of his life on the dsmp. the community house, cgeorge's house, the foirstever time lmanberg blew up, nov 16th, doomsday, techno killing tubo, etc etc. all things that tommy think he couldve stopped, all the things he blames himself for. what if his limbo was both complete isolation, but being hounded by his past. what if

👽 A headcanon about a weird quirk of there mmmm c!tommy with braids my belovedddddd. i do it, so he does it to. whenever he gets anxious or fidgety, he just plucks out the front few strands of his hair and just starts teisting or braiding them. over and over, undoing and doing htem again, just to keep himself grounded and his hands occupied. he also adresses every bee he meets as if htey're ctubbo's messenger, calling them a big man and trying to leash them. oh and when he picks flowers, he comes up with whole backstories for each one :333

😶 A random headcanon! oooh he was sooooo a loom band kid man istg. he would be obsessed with them!!!!! like henry's horns would be completely covered in like absurdly coloured sets of loom band bracelets even his own hands would be coveredddddd in them up till his elbows. at least. and like he even managed to drag ranboo into it and to tubbo's absolute chagrine they both would just sit for hours on end making bracelts. c!techno was also roped into it during exile, and phil would just look at them amused. ooooh if only c!phil had a camera, he would have soooooo many pictures of techno's supposedly "deadly" base littered with torn pieces of loom bands

💜

[sleepkey]

my bpd is on full blast because i talked to my fp for the first time in 5 years

they actually accepted my friend request i dreamt of this day

but i can never be content it seems as i always want more more more more more more moremoremoremore

i feel insane i can barely think about anything else i wish she reciprocated my desire to be close again but it seems shes really busy and is living a good life

im so happy for her and i was the one who broke her trust so i cant blame her

hopefully she sees all the work ive put in and eventually shares some of my wishes

its taking everything in my power to wrangle my bpd and not send a billion messages but like i regained the trust of my cat i need to let her come to me

i cant just shoehorn my way into her life i need to allow her the agency or it will all be for nothing

i know the right path but sticking to it is absurdly exhausting

IT WILL BE WORTH IT I NEED TO BELIEVE

besides if its one-sided its just gonna make me even more anxious so gonna let it be as it needs to be

proud of my growth 5 years was not for nothing i just pray i get the chance to be close again ive dreamt of it for so long and it feels closer now than anytime in the last 5 years

my impatient ass is like this 24/7

[profusao]

i don't have any idea of what im talking about but I am scared of being abandoned (again. ow wow what a crazy update could have never foreseen it

anyway I'm anxious (again and afraid I will fuck this up by being absurdly insecure (again

so what's popping gg w girlies3?

[victory-cookies]

I had the worst, most murphy’s law, comedy of errors day today it was actually ridiculous. So last night I was feeling good. I was feeling motivated. I had put all of my laundry away immediately after getting it out of the dryer. Today was gonna be my day to turn my life around bc I felt motivated to clean to do homework to run my errands I was ready

and then I sleep through my fucking alarm.

okay, whatever, it’s fine. I had to go out to get shit for my Fionna costume so I decided to head out once I’d had breakfast. It wouldn’t take me much longer than an hour and I could come home and get right to my tasks.

so I’m at the fabric store, with a meter of fleece and some velcro, and I go to pay. And my debit card doesn’t fucking work no matter what I try. So I ask the woman if she could hold my stuff while I run to the atm to get cash. But the atm declines me too. I try to log onto my online banking and that doesn’t work either. At this point I assume I’ve been locked out of my card so I head back to the store, apologize, and tell her I need to drive to the bank about ten minutes away to try to get my card fixed. She says that that’s no problem and she’ll hold my stuff until the end of the day (they close at 5. It is currently 1:30)

so I head to the bank. The line is absurdly long but finally I get up to a clerk and am like “hey I think I’ve been locked out of my card please help” and so he checks and yeah I have, bc the two scholarship cheques I deposited yesterday had been flagged as “unusual and suspicious activity” and he says he’ll call and see if he can get it unlocked for me. We’re on hold for like fifteen minutes. At this point my sister has asked me to come pick her up from her friend’s. Finally this guy gets through and they’re like “lol we can’t do it unless she has the cheques there and you can verify” and obv I didn’t have them so he was like “well either you can go get the cheques and bring them in or you can wait until tomorrow when the photos will show up in the system and then your card will be unlocked”. I don’t want to do either of those things bc going home and coming back then going back to the fabric store would take another like two hours. So I say fuck it and go to pick up my sister with the intent of dragging her back to the fabric store and getting her to use her card.

at that moment it starts fucking bucketing. I start driving to her friend’s house and the road is nearly flooded I was so worried. And then as I’m heading out I end up directed onto the highway (highway driving makes me really anxious so I try to avoid it so I’m panicking). At this point the rain is coming down in sheets and I can’t see anything. Im about to cry. I exit the highway and then get directed onto another highway. The traffic is so bad that I can’t make it to the left turn lane and I miss my turn. I only barely make it to the next left turn and thank god I did bc if i didn’t I’d be on my way to the next town.

I get to my sister’s friend’s place and my sister gets in the car and I ask if we can go back to the fabric store and have her buy the poor fabric I have left cut and alone just sitting there (I felt bad. They had cut it for me already I needed to get it). She says no problem and so we head once more to the fabric store.

we pull up and the lights are off. It’s 3pm. They should not be closed. Confused, we get out and go to check, and they are in fact closed. A woman comes up to us and explains that THE FUCKING POWER WENT OUT IN THE ENTIRE MALL. They were closed for the day, along with every other store there, including the spirit halloween that I needed to go to as well and the a&w my sister wanted to grab food at

so we drive away. I have literally gained nothing from this. I have bought none of the things I needed to get. I have wasted so much gas. It is now 3:30 and I have done zero of the things I wanted to get done today. I was literally crying

[strawberrycowtime]

btw this was made to be read out loud/presented on slides so. listen to one of the two songs before reading and pretend im forcing you to listen to it through a crappy phone speaker in a public high school classroom

[insert song here (either Memento Mori: The Most Important Thing In The World or As The World Caves In)]

That was quite an opening, huh? The song I chose was pretty dramatic. Of course, there’s good reasons for that. Mainly, I wanted to give you all a sampling of my musical preferences. And the reasoning for that reasoning (apologies for the redundancy) is because that, in the end, is what this presentation is about! Or, to be more specific, this presentation is about how yours, mine, and everyone else’s personality is mirrored in their musical preferences.

To start, I’d like to discuss with you (or rather, at you) a study that Spotify (the company!) did. The basis of the experiment was that they collected data from a group of users to try and identify connections between music taste and the Big Five personality traits.

In case you aren’t familiar with that, the Big Five traits are common factors that directly affect a person’s personality. These traits are:

Openness 

Openness is a word most people know the definition of. Put simply, it’s the unconscious or conscious ability to allow or actively engage in new events/things. People with low openness might be more anxious regularly or be more introverted.

Conscientiousness (That’s a really long word, geez)

Conscientiousness is a word most people don’t know the definition of. And for good reason: it’s absurdly long and hard to say. It describes someone who is extremely careful or disciplined. People with higher conscientiousness might be perfectionists or be “obsessed” with doing good work. Meanwhile, people with low conscientiousness are more laid back and relaxed.

Extraversion

Extraversion, and by extension introversion, is a spectrum. People who are more extroverted thrive on social situations and tend to actively seek them out, while introverts are easily drained by those same stations and try to avoid such stress. One can also be an ambivert, someone who considers themselves right in the middle of the spectrum, neither an extrovert or an introvert.

Agreeableness

Agreeableness relies on someone’s willingness to be respectful to extreme extents. People who are extremely agreeable are also typically more laid back and gentle. They also tend to be kind to a fault. People who score high with agreeableness might be viewed as “yes-men” in some other’s eyes, though.

Neuroticism/Emotional Stability 

Neuroticism is, like extraversion, a spectrum. Someone who is highly neurotic might have lower emotional stability, i.e. drastic switches in mood, and vice versa. It’s been defined as a constant activation and shift of moods. The near chaoticness of it makes it slightly hard to define and classify, but I try.

People remember these by either saying the Big Five, or by using the abbreviated form (O.C.E.A.N.). Personally, I prefer to use the Big Five. 

Looping back around to Spotify’s experiment, they collected this data on the users favorite/most listened genres, their choices in artists, and the amount of time/time of day they listened. Afterwards, Spotify sent out a form for the subjects to fill out. This assessment asked them questions relating to not only their musical preferences, but also their very own Big Five quadrants. They found that a few select genres were regularly played by the same groups. For example, people who listened to blues or “brooding” music (think Radiohead) self-assessed their Neuroticism/Emotional Stability negatively while people who listened to soul or “lively” music self-assessed their Neuroticism higher. 

Another study found three different ways to describe music. These were:

Valence 

As described in the article, valence is a spectrum. At one end, you’ve got positive emotions. On the other, you’ve got negative ones. Songs like Hand Clap, Walking on Sunshine or Party in the USA are higher on the valence spectrum while songs like What Was I Made For? and As the World Caves In would score lower. 

Depth

Depth refers to the “deepness” of the song, whether that be in emotional or intellectual context. Deeper songs tend to be classically done, or have some form of sweeping background melodies. Songs like Take Me To Church or I Love You So have more depth than a song like Beauty and a Beat.

Intensity 

This is supposed to represent the energy or intensity of a song. While it can be seen across all types of music, it’s most easy to see in classical music or heavily orchestral works. Songs like Too Close or I Hear A Symphony are more intense than songs like Sofia and Hey There Delilah, which are more mellow and calm.

Looking at all this information, you all can draw conclusions of your own music taste. I won’t stop you. In fact, I really want you all to! But I can’t just end here, so I’m just going to keep talking and hope that none of you object.

(that was a joke please don’t object)

While all of this talk about personality traits is useful, I don’t want to just stop there. In fact, the connections between these two subjects aren’t completely set in stone. Other factors, like age, gender, culture, and even religion, all have arguably greater effects on the music you listen to. Taylor Swift’s demographic has a whopping 45% of millennials, but almost all of the girls in one of my friend groups are gigantic fans. But then again, all of the previous factors I mentioned also affect one’s personality. 

One group categorized well-liked genres using (another) acronym:

M. ellow

U. npretentious

S. ophisticated

I. ntese

C. ontemporary

Or, 

MUSIC!  

They found that adolescents typically start with a liking towards “intense contemporary” music (think punk or rap) and steadily climb the ladder towards purely “contemporary” music (think pop) as they reach an early middle age stage. While on this journey, they might lean into more “mellow contemporary”, especially during early adulthood. When they reach adulthood, many are greeted with a fork in the road, and choose between “sophisticated” or “unpretentious”, categorized respectively as genres like jazz or classical and country or folk. Of course, like all of everything (except for math) these ideas aren’t completely unshakeable, and can be shown otherwise in certain cases.

Now that we’re (unfortunately :() nearing the end of my presentation, you’re probably wondering: What was that song at the beginning about? It doesn’t seem to connect to the rest of the information other than the fact that it’s a song. Well, I thought I’d play it to give you all a sampling of my own music taste! See, the point of a presentation is to connect to your audience. So I’ll all of you decide: What does my music tell you about me? And, to conclude, one more question:

What does your music taste say about YOU?

SOURCES:

“Just the way you are”: Music Listening and Personality, Dec 15 2020,  (Ian Anderson, Santiago Gil, Clay Gibson, Scott Wolf, Will Shapiro, Oguz Semerci, David M. Greenberg),                     Spotify R&D | Research https://research.atspotify.com/2020/12/just-the-way-you-are-music-listening-and-personality/#:~:text=Of%20the%20five%20personality%20traits,or%20match%20goal%2Doriented%20behavior.

Musical taste may be influenced by personality traits, study says, Sept 25 2022, Nayantara Dutta, Washington Post https://www.washingtonpost.com/science/2022/09/25/music-taste-personality-traits/#

Psychology of Music Preference, unclear date, anonymous, Wikipedia https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychology_of_music_preference

What Do Music Preferences Reveal About Your Personality? Janelle Cox, Jacquelyn Johnson, PsyD, July 14 2022, Psych Central https://psychcentral.com/lib/preferred-music-style-is-tied-to-personality

(BONUS: LINK TO PERSONALITY TEST)

(https://www.truity.com/test/big-five-personality-test)

who wants to read my essay abt music genres

[giomagnetism]

Sorry im new here and trying to get to know your lore. In the recent ask game about Marlo you mention a lot about octarians and their upbringing in those standards? Im confused on which species they are and howd they end up as agent 3 woops

no worries (and welcome!! thank you for asking)!! it’s a complicated set-up in-universe too. marlo is predominantly giant inkling and, importantly, unaware of their octarian heritage. their father is giant inkling and their mother half humboldt inkling & half harlequin octoling; it’s only a fraction of their genetic makeup, but their mother was the most active force in their upbringing and they inherited a lot of her attitudes and patterns of behavior.

bear with me ‘cause i take things absurdly serious in this house.

to get a sense of their upbringing, you have to get a sense of their parents, and marlo’s parents are a complicated case. their mother was the bastard daughter of a soldier born during the height of the octarians’ post-war isolationism, and raised predominately with traditional octarian values. she ended up taking the surface over a life in the domes and from there met & married marlo’s father, a far more withdrawn and anxious man. his mother had gone a little crazy with grief after her husband never came home from the war, and he blamed that on the octarians.

and so marlo’s mother never spoke of her background, though it bled into her parenting techniques and permeated her entire personality, and marlo was also raised with a great distrust of octarians. also key: marlo—and their brother, adonis—grew up rural and mostly homeschooled, with very little contact with other inklings and an ocean apart from the central hub of inkopolis.

when marlo chased their brother into inkopolis, and sheldon recruited them for cuttlefish, marlo believed him immediately. their main motivation was to gain enough notoriety to find their brother—which did not happen—but saving inkopolis from scheming octarians and heading off another war was an equally “sensible” one. they did not know the context for the great turf war, or the hijacking of the great zapfish, or the root of their own biases, and it very much came back to bite them.

*i do have plans for them to learn about their heritage proper, but for characterization reasons it has to come after splat3. for all marlo knows, most inklings are just infuriatingly hedonistic and lackadaisical. they have not thought to examine this.

their physical octarian traits are subtle, and were partially erased after their sanitization. their mask is subtly pointed at the corners, and their tentacles naturally have a harlequin patterning; when grown out long enough, their tentacles have multiple suction cups. (that’s the reason they wear those gold bands in the future.) they’ve also got some funky teeth! again. despite their obsession with octarian phenotypes. they have not thought to examine this.

[queerianto]

2 with Gwen and Rhys?

Im soft for them ;-;

Prompt: 2. running fingers through hair

Word count: 521

Summary: Gwen can’t sleep.

Warnings: general anxiety/PTSD responses, insomnia

*

Gwen couldn’t sleep. The hotel bed was absurdly comfortable, the room was an ideal temperature, and Rhys was snoring quietly next to her--all factors that should have added up to the best sleep in her life. But there was a worry in the pit of her stomach that wouldn’t go away, a sort of tug, pulling her mind away from Cuba and back to Cardiff. She had been told in no uncertain terms that she wasn’t supposed to even check her work email while she was on her honeymoon, to forget about Torchwood for a week and just enjoy herself.

It wasn’t turning out to be that simple.

It was hard to turn off the alertness, the readiness to drop everything and put herself in danger. Three days into the honeymoon and Gwen was happy but thoroughly exhausted. She’d had a nightmare the first night in the hotel and though Rhys had soothed her back to sleep and promised that he didn’t mind being woken up, she still felt guilty about it and hadn’t slept much the next night. Now she was once again struggling to fall asleep. 

She took a shaky breath, rolling over to look at Rhys. Her husband. Her wonderful husband, who put up with so much and still loved her and stayed with her no matter what awful things happened. She was so, so lucky to have him. A lump rose up in her throat.

“Rhys,” she whispered. “Rhys?”

He made a little grumbling noise, turning his head. “Mm?”

Gwen nudged him.

“Wha’s it? Gwen, you a’right?”

“I can’t sleep,” she told him.

“Oh.” Rhys paused. “I can.”

Her mouth twitched. “I know, I’m sorry for waking you. I just…”

With a yawn, Rhys opened his eyes and propped his head up on his hand. “No, no, it's alright. What's going on? Why can't you sleep?"

"Just...anxious. Everything feels too calm, too safe, it's making me…"

"You're anxious because we aren't in any danger?" Rhys said.

"Sounds silly when you put it like that."

"No, it's not silly," he hastened. "I'm just trying to understand, love. Makes perfect sense, really."

"Does it?" she said skeptically.

"Well, I'm sure it would if I were a little more awake and knew a little more about psychology," he replied. "Want to know what I do know?"

"What's that?"

Rhys smiled. "I love you."

"I love you, too," she said.

"Is there anything I can do? Did you just need to talk about it?" asked Rhys.

"I don't--" Gwen groaned. "I don't know. I'm just so tired, Rhys, and I wish I could just relax and go to sleep but I don't know how."

He sat up, gesturing that she should shift over so she was lying in his lap. She obliged, and felt her eyes close reflexively as he ran his fingers through her hair. With his other hand, he started rubbing her back.

"Ah...yep, this might do it," she mumbled, already feeling the anxiety retreat. 

“Better?”

“Mm-hmm.”

They might have already been perfectly safe, but Rhys could make her feel safe, and that was far more important.

[suhfleur]

dear, my dear • jaebeom (3/4)

• pairing: soulmate!jaebeom x reader

• genre: romance, angst, smut

• warnings: cursing, sexual content

• word count: 3.3k

summary: in a world where a touch can lock the doors of the heart, his voice opened the doors to your soul as he filled it with joy.

a/n: i was just listening to dear, my dear, now im emotional. anyways. hope you guys enjoy, as usual forgive if there’s typos i’m too lazy to review.

• • •

The next day, anxiety had become your last name. Nothing else lurked in your head but "Jaebeom, Jaebeom, Jaebeom".

Now, he had more than a nickname, more than an artistic name. His name sounded like a sea of ​​relief to you, it confirmed that it was really real and you had spent a lot of time putting yourself in dark places, thinking absurd things, you wasted too much time. Nothing else mattered now. Not even the fact that he is predestined to someone else and so are you. Nothing could break that absurd bond that you felt with him, and only with him.

You woke up anxious, agitated, the sun had barely set and you already thought to yourself "oh, what a beautiful day", nothing would be enough to take away your good mood. Not even the absurdly crowded and noisy subway station.

Your headphones were turned up loud enough, you were just absorbed by Jaebeom's voice, with a smile on your face. A smile that never left your face, since yesterday.

You were so out of orbit that you didn't even hear it when somebody called your name, you just realized what was going on around you when someone put a hand on your shoulder, making you turn around quickly, making you face the most babiest smile ever; of LA and Seoul.

"Mark!" You exclaimed excitedly, throwing your arms around the American's broad shoulders. He looked a little bit different, dyed his hair in a bright red color, wearing sweats, as usual.

"Hey, long time no see!" He replied, laughing and tightening his arms around your waist as he swirled you in the air, trying not to hit anyone who passed by. As soon as he released you, you slapped him hard on his right arm. "Hey!"

"Don’t you 'hey' me, Mark Tuan. You said you were only going to spend 2 weeks in Thailand, why the hell did you stay there for more than 3 months? Huh? And why didn't you tell me you were coming back? I spoke to you yesterday!" You asked sulkily, putting your hands on your hips, in your best angry-mom pose.

"Look, I had no intention of staying there for so long either, ok? But you know... My soulmate is from Thailand and I didn't want to be without her, but I also didn't want to leave Korea and everything I built these last 7 years, so, I spent these months trying to bring her here... And I did it. " He informed, rubbing the back of his neck, while his cheeks were flushed. "And I wanted to surprise you, I just didn't think I would meet you here on the subway..."

"What? And why didn't you say anything to me? I hate you so much! I will finally meet her. I have to meet her, because even though Yaya sounds like a loving person, just talking to her on the phone doesn't confirm my blessing, ok? You will only marry with my permission, I’m not going to give you away just because, not even because she’s your soulmate. She has to pass the test." You said, jokingly, hugging your longtime friend again. You missed this. "What train are you going to take?"

"Actually, I'm just waiting for a friend of mine to get off at the station... And now, since my plan to surprise you with my return didn't go very well, how about we go out tonight and celebrate?" He asked, hugging her head against his chest. "Me, my Yaya, Jaehyun, Sunny and you, how about it?"

"I... I meeting with somebody today, I don't know if I can go..." You answered feeling a little guilty.

"Can't you meet that person a little later?" Mark asked with a fake sad look.

"What time do you want to make this meeting?" You asked rolling your eyes, feeling defeated.

"You and Sunny leave work around 5pm, right?" You nodded. "So, let's get together at Jaehyun's apartment, which is very close by and, if you don't want to, you can stay there for just a few minutes... But if you also want, you can call this 'person' to stay there with us." He replied, with a suggestive look, arching his eyebrows.

"I don't know if... the person is going to want to, you know? It's the first time we've seen each other in person. But, I promise I'll come and stay with you for a while." You responded, blushing.

"I think it's really good for you to actually show up, because I want to know more about this guy that you never really explained anything to me, okay?" Mark's look was emanating an order and you no other option but to say ‘yes’ to that.

"Ok, sir." You saluted, making him laugh.

The unmistakable noise of your train arriving made you get out of that bubble with Mark. You had to say goodbye for now.

"Okay, I have to go now, Markeu. See you later." You opened your arms one last time, hugging him tightly, receiving a simple kiss on your forehead.

"Be careful, okay? See you later." He said, stroking your back quickly, as you watched the train doors open and you said goodbye to him, walking backwards towards the door.

And it all happened again.

As you turned to pass the train door, someone who was leaving ran into your arm and made the coat you carried in your hand fall. When you were about to bend down to pick it up, someone else did it first, reaching out to you. You gaze went up from the floor to that person, and you saw him.

The subway guy.

And he was stunning. He was like that everyday, but man, today it was something else, you thought. He had a new piercing, which was just placed under his eye. He was so close that you could quickly appreciate his beauty and the two small moles below his left eyebrow.

Breathtaking.

You said a small and very low 'thank you', hoping that he would’ve listened, while taking your coat from his hands and that's when your body collapsed for the second time that week. When you took the coat, your fingers lightly touched the back of his hand and you felt it again. 

Your chest throbbed, shivers ran down your spine and the feeling of an absurd happiness got through your chest. Felt like your heart was screaming again, and you were static.

Of all people that could possibly be your soulmate, you were comically doomed to the guy you watched every Thursday.

He didn't seem so surprised by that feeling, he just looked at you cryptically while you stood stupidly still, until someone pushed you into the train and you saw the doors close in front of your face, again.

His eyes never left you, until the train started to move and you lost sight of him.

It felt worse than the first time because now, he had a face. You knew who your soulmate was, finally, and you didn't know how you were going to deal with that. That information ended up with everything you thought you knew, with everything you thought you could handle.

You didn't know how to deal with that. You definitely didn't.

Now, more than ever, it was all real. And it was happening to you. Like it or not, you actually don’t know how you feel about this.

And those thoughts followed you all day, without you being able to breathe for a second without thinking "it's him". Your head hurt. And the day that you thought it couldn't be spoiled, was troubled and distant. Your cell phone was forgotten again, until the moment you stopped to eat and remembered that you needed to talk to def.

When you took your phone out of the pocket, you saw messages from him.

[07:07 am] def: i’m still see you today, right?

[07:07 am] def: tell me you haven't changed your mind, please...

[07:07 am] def: i really need to see you.

[10:01 am] loftv: Of course we will see each other, I just think I’ll meet you a little later than agreed. I have to do something before that.

You thought about talking about what happened with you, but it was pointless. It shouldn’t matter to you, neither to him.

[10:02 am] loftv: Did something happen? You look strange. Idk.

[10:05 am] def: a strange thing happened today that i don't want to talk about. it doesn't matter to me. none of that matters.

[10:06 am] def: I'm fine.

[10:07 am] loftv: So, why didn't you say good morning? ):

[10:08 am] loftv: Uneducated prick! *insert angry emojis here, because I don't feel like using them*

[10:10 am] def: forgive me, madam of the valley. to make up for my lack of education and professionalism, here's a series of 'good mornings' in different languages.

[10:10 am] def: 1 - good morning.

[10:10 am] def: 2 - buenos dias.

[10:11 am] def: 3 - bonjour.

[10:12 am] def: 4 - buongiorno.

[10:13 am] def: 5 - *insert here ‘good morning’ in russian because it’s really hard and i don’t know how it is spelled*

You laughed at his nonsense. And that part of the day relieved your confused chest. At the end of the day, he was the only one for you. And anxiety knocked on your door once again. The day went by so slowly that you keep looking at your watch every 15 minutes. When it was finally time to leave, you were almost jumping of joy.

"Take it easy, Dorothy. The road to OZ is almost there." Sunny said sarcastically.

"I just want to do this soon, to meet with him." You said, opening her car door and getting in.

"Speaking like that, you look like you hate your friends." Sunny replied pretending to be hurt, placing her hand on her chest, fake crying, while starting the car.

"Shut up, actress. I'm just really looking forward to seeing him." You answered, looking out the car window, which was now moving, thinking about how you could hardly wait for that moment.

Arriving at Jaehyun's apartment, Mark was already there, talking to someone on the phone.

"Come on, man. It's only a few minutes, then you can go and do what you want!" Mark insisted to the person on the other end of the line. "I swear, if you want to stay just 10 minutes, no problem, but just show up... Okay. I'll be waiting for you." He said at last, putting his cell phone away and giving you a big smile. "Here you are, my little sweet pie full of poison." He said childishly, squeezing your cheeks.

"Do you want to die?" You questioned, punching him in the arm.

"Ouch! Why do you always want to kill me? I'm just being sweet!" He protested, as you squeezed your eyes at him.

"You are pathetic, where’s the lady that has your heart, by the way?" You asked hugging him. You missed that. Punching him and getting out unscathed, just after.

Yaya showed up from the bathroom, looking stunning, just like a Disney princess, and you looked at both of them together feeling like a proud mother. Not only was Yaya a sweetheart, turns out that she was funny and a great cook. Mark was a lucky son of a b...

It didn't take long for you to get together on the balcony of Jaehyun's apartment, talking about all the crazy events in Mark's life in Thailand over the past three months. From insane rides in a tuned Tuk Tuk with a high driver, to the perfect trip through Maya Bay, showing pictures of a place that looked like heaven itself on earth.

"My god, I really need to go to Maya Bay! Check this out!" Sunny said hysterically, while you agreed, starting to talk about ticket prices and everything about this place.

"We have to go on this vacation, and Mark, I know you just got back, but you are going too!" You said pointing at him, as you took out your cell phone to look for Maya Bay, that's when you looked at watch and saw that you had spent a lot more time there than you had planned and you needed to find Jaebeom. "Oh shit, I have to go!" You said hurriedly. While reading Jaebeom's message.

[10:10 pm] def: i'll take a while, too, but after that I'll be on my way to your house.

"But already? My friend is on his way, just wait a little!" Mark pleaded, sitting on the floor, putting both hands together in a gesture of prayer. "You'll like him, I swear! Jaebeom is so cool!"

The mention of that name made you hang up and take your eyes off your phone.

"Jaebeom?" You asked in an almost inaudible whisper, feeling your hands tremble. Sunny watched you without understanding, since you haven’t mentioned that little detail of his name to her, and Jaehyun kept eating pizza like he never ate in his entire life.

"That friend of mine that I always try to introduce you to, but it never works." Mark said, laughing and slapping Jaehyun's arm. "Do you believe that I tried to introduce these two to each other for a whole month and it always went wrong? I’m trying since May, we are in August already." He laughed harder, and Sunny chuckled, as if remembering something, still not noticing your static expression.

"I remember that. The first time was when we were at the mall, we were going to see that horror movie, Mark had everything planned to leave you and Jaebeom alone and he would disappear into the world, at end, Y/N didn’t show up and Mark was disgusted. He spent the rest of the week saying he was going to get the two of them to know each other, before he went to Thailand." Sunny laughed harder, stealing Jaehyun's piece of pizza, which he complained about with his mouth full.

"I tried every day when I was still here in Korea, but the two never collaborated. Aish..." Mark said frustratedly, messing up his red hair. "The last time I tried, it was the day before I traveled, I went to Y/N's apartment when Sunny was there, I made an excuse that I needed to talk to Sunny and Y/N just opened the door, greeted me, said a quick hi to Jaebeom, didn't even look at his face and ran to the bedroom. It was frustrating. He is a dumbass also, he was always on that damn phone. Both of them are frustrating. He was right there in your living room and you were locked in the bedroom." Mark said, looking for something on his cell phone.

Every word from Mark made your stomach turn and you felt like you were going to throw up at anytime now. You didn't know how to absorb that information.

"Ah! I found it. Look at him here with me." Mark said excitedly, crawling over to you by placing his cell phone screen in front of your eyes, showing a picture of him with the said Jaebeom. And you felt the air in your lungs disappear, and were on the verge of crying.

There he was.

The subway guy was Mark's friend. 

Your soulmate was Mark's friend.

And maybe, he was...

"He has an amazing Soundcloud account, you know? He's a great singer, I swear. You should listen to his music. You'll like it, I know it's your type of music. Search for Defsoul, later."

After that, Mark's words grew more and more distant, as you shifted your gaze from the screen to Sunny's face, who stood still, with a piece of pizza in her mouth, looking directly at you, as astonished as you, while understanding what was going on.

Your chest tightened in an absurd way and you felt numb. The tears came hard and you got up off the floor quickly, running to the apartment door.

"I need to breathe… Just give me a second..." You said in a low, almost strangled, voice. Your chest seemed to want to explode, your breath was messy. You walked down the building's corridor in slow steps, barefoot, leaning on the walls. Your hand was shaking like never before and you could barely see the keyboard as you typed on your phone.

[10:20 pm] loftv: Mark.

[10:20 pm] loftv: Do you know Mark?

[10:20 pm] loftv: Please.

[10:20 pm] loftv: Tell me that you’re the one that it’s coming here. That you are Mark's friend.

[10:20 pm] loftv: Tell me it was you on the subway.

[10:20 pm] loftv: Please.

You typed while tears fell on your phone screen.

[10:21 pm] loftv: Please tell me that you are my soulmate. Please, I can’t spend the rest of my life with somebody that is not you. I don’t want to.

[10:22 pm] loftv: Please. 

[10:22 pm] loftv: Tell me it's you.

The minutes passed and no answer came, and everything just seemed to get worse. Your chest was unable to rest and your legs felt weak. Nothing had prepared you for that, not even your best dream. He was always there, all the time, crossed your path several times and in different ways; nothing could make you believe that this was the reality.

The noise of the elevator doors took you out of your state, making you realize that you were in the middle of a building's corridor, crying, while looking at the floor. Quickly, you tried to pull yourself together in the best way possible, drying your tears with the sleeve of your black shirt, but it was all in vain when you saw who was coming out of the elevator.

In a dark blue shirt and slightly ripped jeans, his hair was messing up, his chest rising heavily fast, as if he had been running for miles, his face was all red while holding his phone. When his eyes met yours, you felt like you were about to die, drowning in so many feelings. He came to you in hurried steps, but they seemed absurdly distant from you. He stopped inches away from you, his eyes scanning every single piece of your face, every emotion hidden in your eyes, he was absorbing everything.

"Return of happiness." He whispered, incredulous. "The lily of the valley usually blooms on the 1st of May and in some countries where it grows, tradition says that offering the plant brings good luck. It is such a humble flower, but so, so beautiful." He went on, reaching out to touch your cheeks with his fingertips, and that shiver, which was becoming something habitual to you, ran through your whole body again. Your heart had never beat so hard like this. "It is a source of inspiration for a better scenario. In the language of the flower, the lily of the valley means 'return of happiness'," he continued, as he raised his hand to the back of your neck, tilting his face so that your foreheads were glued together. You squeezed the fabric of his shirt between your fingers, pulling him closer to you. He never stopped looking at you; so intense that it just made your heart slowly unravel. "That's what you mean to me. From day one. You brought back everything I didn't know I had let go of. You brought back my happiness. You are the return of my happiness."

He whispered those words, as if he had been telling his most precious secret, then pressed your lips together, while holding your face in both hands, as if he was afraid that you would disappear. Every part of your body warmed and trembled at his touch, as if his touch was the trigger for all the feelings you once suppressed in your life.

Nothing but happiness emanated from your soul.

You could feel yourself crying without even realizing it; felt like your heart was shaking saying 'thank you, you're finally here, my love'.

"I love you," he said after pulling away from your lips for just a second, returning to kiss you with fury and passion.

And again, nothing had prepared you for reality.

[pacifv]

HE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME.

First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we all have witnessed some plotting once which did not went too well, be it because of us or our partner. So here have this, which may help for future plotting. It’s a lot! Yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat.

Mun Name: Mik      Age: 26      Contact: IM, discord

Character(s) I rp: Eden ( in bleach ) -- I have other ocs but that’s another story Which muse(s) inspires you the most atm?(for MM): Eden... ? Current Fandom(s): Bleach , so far Fandom(s) you have an AU for:  more fantasy esque ones?  My language(s): spanish , english  Themes I’m interested in for rp:   Fantasy / Science fiction / Horror / Western / Romance / Thriller / Mystery / Dystopia / Adventure / Modern / Erotic / Crime / Mythology / Classic / History / Renaissance / Medieval / Ancient / War / Family / Politics / Religion / School / Adulthood / Childhood / Apocalyptic / Gods / Sport / Music / Science / Fights / Angst / Smut / Drama / etc. Themes/Genres you have an AU for: fantasy , religious

Preferred Thread length: one-liner / 1 para / 2 para / 3+ / novella. Asks can be send by: Mutuals / Non-Mutuals / Personals / Anons. Can Asks be continued?:   YES / NO   only by Mutuals?:  YES / NO. Preferred thread type: crack / casual nothing too deep / serious / deep as heck. Is realism / research important for you in certain themes?:   YES / NO. Are you atm open for new plots?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS. Do you handle your draft / ask - count well?:  YES / NO / SOMEWHAT. How long do you usually take to reply?:  24h / 1 week / 2 weeks / 3+ / months / years. I’m okay with interacting: original characters / a relative of my character (an oc) / duplicates / my fandom / crossovers / multi-muses / self-inserts / people with no AU verse for my fandom / canon-divergent portrayals / au-versions (as main or only verse). Do you post more ic or occ?:  IC / OOC. Are you selective with following others?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS.  

Best ways to approach you for rp/plotting:  IM since this is pretty much new . just slap me with that and if you have some ideas , better --- if not let just brainstorm with what we have in hand . 

What expectations do you hold towards your plotting partner:  some minimal idea of the context and eden’s character . some ideas if possible . more than often I have gotten people straight up jump with no clue of what even is going on in my side character wise . 

When you notice the plotting is rather one-sided, what do you do?:  depends , most likely really stop trying or let it sink . I’m not much of a person who would pressure for ideas when they don’t even come naturally for me in these kind of situations . 

How do you usually plot with others, do you give input or leave most work towards your partner?:  First of all , ask what they particularly want and if they read the bio . and of course , have their bio as well ( if oc or any relevant hc on vague canons ) . I am honestly a bit shy on the input but if I found a ground to start letting my imagination loose ( like , something in common between characters or something that clicks well with my muse ) I can suggest several things . but in any case , I’m pretty passive and it’s a lot of gives and takes . 

When a partner drops the thread, do you wish to know?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS. - And why?: depends on the thread , the time and the interest . things that go downtown in the excitement scale are :/  and I can’t blame anyone for dropping a thread . not all the time you will have muse for them , tho , if it was a relevant thread I would ask at least . - What should your partner do when dropping a thread?:  pretty much free to tell me or not . I’m no one to judge.

What could possibly lead you to drop a thread?:  losing muse , interest , time ... pretty much the same . feeling like my muse is going too OOC for the sake of the other muse or smth .  - Will you tell your partner?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS.

Is communication in the rpc important to you?   YES / NO. - And why?:  I am very old school and having some OOC interaction to at least know how things are going , it’s as much as I can ask here .  - Are you okay with absolute honesty, even if it may means hearing something negative about you and/or portrayal?:  I mean , I should . it can turn me off a bit but it’s just natural ? there’s no way something can be perfect or be of someone’s taste . plus I am not that smart to be fully aware of all the things around the motif and IRL information I use on my muse . I’m no book , buddy. - Do you think you can handle such situation in a mature way?  YES / NO.

Why do you rp again, is there a goal?:  development , exploring the muse , seeing what works and doesn’t work . often new blogs for me are basically prototypes , they are and will  most likely have minor or major modifications as my imagination starts working and getting excited . besides , in the basics , you can hardly manage to cover all ( if anything ) of how one’s muse would react to X situation .

Wishlist, be it plots or scenarios:  a lot of quincy lore , come up with more personal connections with other quincies , fully develop a backstory and a post war scenario . cultural exploration  --- relationships of all kinds . 

Themes I won’t ever rp / explore:  pretty much I am fine with anything as long as we don’t cross the gross line . but I’m not afraid of the dark .

What Type of Starters do you prefer / dislike, can’t work with?: absurdly basic and with no context given . not even have an idea of what is the deal between muses . I can squeeze my brain but there is as much as i can do with little information .

What type of characters catch your interest the most?:  quirky ones , conflictive ones , most likely muses with specific motifs that spark my interest -- deepness . Aesthetically interesting ones . but overall , those who have out of the normal personalities . 

What type of characters catch your interest the least?:  personalities that doesn’t work or do not harmonize with the context of their characters . that’s all I can say .

What are your strong aspects as rp partner?:  I am.... creative ? gdi I did this meme already but it’s hard to reply these two ones. I am easily excitable . if we end up in a ship , expect me to be pampering af . I really enjoy the exploration of relations between people , emotions and psychological stuff tied around it . I do like casual and also very deep things . I’m not afraid of dealing with heavy topics . I like horror ???? also I am very into the secondary character role , as in : my muse is here to help your muse to grow or insight . that stuff . not much of a protagonist role in RPs. 

What are your weak aspects as rp partner?: I’m .... very.... sporadic . My mood is annoying esp when I’m “new” blog around kind of thing . I’m shy , even if I don’t seem so --- I get pretty anxious over details . I am impatient --- with myself . I want to do so many things at the same time I end up overwhelmed . 

Do you rp smut?:  YES / NO. Do you prefer to go into detail?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS. Are you okay with black curtain?:  YES / NO. - When do you rp smut? More out of fun or character development?:  mmmmmmmmm , both. Depends on mood and context tbh . - Anything you would not want to rp there?:  nothing I can think from the top of my head.

Are ships important to you?:   YES / NO. Would you say your blog is ship-focused?:   YES / NO. Do you use read more?:  YES / NO / SOMETIMES. Are you: Multi-Ship / Single-Ship / Dual-Ship  —  Multiverse / Singleverse. - What do you love to explore the most in your ships?:  again , I’m big mood for interpersonal relationships ( romantic or not ) , the pros and cos of certain traits , ideology clash , personality clash , anything that comes in a relation that could make it come and go .  - What is your smut tag?: unholy.

Are you okay with pre-established relationships?: YES / NO. - And what kind of ones?: all are hella okay for me . pre- est is my jam bc jesus christ the awkward first encounters make me go blue screen .

► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.

- What could possibly make your Muse interesting towards others, why should they rp with this particular character of yours now, what possible plots do they offer?:  the fact she is basically a “religious fanatic” , with a quirky personality and a questionable morality , considering she has an inner conflict between the wellness of her race and her loyalty towards yhwach . At least pre war . post war , she has a flipped personality were she is mostly bitter and more angsty but will go from fanatic to straight up hater . 

- With what type of Muses do you usually struggle to rp with?:   bland personalities ? not sure myself , Eden is pretty much ready for anything since her personality is pretty laid back . I guess I would say shinigamis in general --- since she basically is stuck inside Silbern . - With what type of Muses do they usually work well with?:  Quincies , ofc . and people who are willing to put up with her crap .

- What interests your Muse(s) in general:  the prosperity of the quincy , doing a proper duty , order , tea , annoying the fuck out of people . being eerie ....  - What do they desire, is their goal?:  the ideal world as thought by Yhwach --- later on simply for her kind to survive after losing the war and being left to their luck . - What catches their interest first when meeting someone new?:  mmm , appearance  and reactions to her witty or narcisistic comments .  - What do they value in a person?:    loyalty , uniqueness . - What themes do they like talking about?:  most likely about the order of the army , tea stuff , herself (?) , but she is also a lot for debates and insight . - Which themes bore them?:  rebellious , silly thoughts . justice related topics . anything that critics her loyalty/life style . 

- Did they ever went through something traumatic?:  the first war was enough ? most likely losing comrades --- yhwach sacrificing the quincy for power later on .  - What could possibly trigger them?:  the simple sight of anyone laying a finger of the quincy for being against their views .   - What could set them off, enrage them?:  nothing. she cannot literally , physically get angry or enraged . but if we are talking bitter , that would be completely post war and it’s just the mention of yhwach’s name or those who went to god’s palace with him .  - What could lead to an instant kill?:  invasion of silbern , chaos . 

- Is there someone /-thing they hate?:  chaos , rebels , shinigami , anyone against the quincy . - Is there someone /-thing they love?:   her race , her pride , herself .

Is your Muse easy to approach?: YES / NO. - Best ways to approach them?:  just .... come to her and say hi . she is literally wandering around silbern all the time ( quincy speaking tho ) . for others , eh ... good luck . and wait post war (?) - Where are they usually to find?:  Silbern ... then Siberia . 

Something you may still want to point out about your muse?:  She is no saint , clearly . She has a questionable sense of things like loyalty and preservation of her race . she is honestly all over the place

CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥

Tagged by:  honestly stole from @skyvar​  Tagging:  no one in particular.

[sovinly]

For your ficlet prompts: Could I have something with R and Combeferre, maybe for "I... Im surprised you knew that. No one else can wax pedantic quite so poetically." Please and thank you and you're wonderful and I hope life is being good to you.

(Thank you so much for your long bout of patience! You’re always the loveliest and wonderful, and I hope life is treating you well! Life has been rather absurdly busy lately, but I’ve finally gotten to this prompt and I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it!

There’s a heavy silence, growing the awkward the longer itsits unanswered.

“I... I’m surprised you knew that,” Grantaire finally says,when the wait becomes too much. He clears his throat nervously, fidgets with aloose thread on his shirt hem, tries for a grin. “No one else can wax pedanticquite so poetically.”

Combeferre smiles back, gentle and maybe a little anxious atthe same time. “You pick up quite a bit, practicing for my line of work.”

“No, I know that,” Grantaire agrees, and sighs deeply,slumping in his chair. “It’s just the difference, between, y’know, knowing thatyou and Joly can give me clinical rundowns of statistics of having a fucked upbrain, and you peeling me apart like an onion.”

“If I’ve overstepped…” Combeferre starts, with a prodigious frowndigging furrows in his brows.

Yes, Grantaire wants to say, and yes. But he did, after all,ask for it. Has shared things, because he’s trying to open up a little more,these days. Especially with Combeferre, who has a sharp mind and a soft heartworn on his sleeve.

Grantaire’s heart is an apple left in the sun, and histongue is a scalpel’s honed edge. He’s not sure how they meet, but he’s trying.

“No,” Grantaire says, inches his hand closer to brush theedge of his pinky against Combeferre’s. “You’re right, those are all thingsthat are… true. How the fuck you understand my family better than me is deeplyironic. I’d ask if you wanted to swap places, but wow, I would not inflict thaton you.”

He’s thought a thousand times he’d shove anyone into hisplace, like a drowning man flailing for a breath. It’s made him guilty andbitter and angry, but it’s hard to be any of those things around Combeferre.

“We’ve been friends for a while,” Combeferre points out,with remarkable gentleness and a dry edge that eases any sting of it. “As itturns out, I have a lot of feelings about seeing my friends upset. Familydynamics are always a touchy subject, but, uh-”

“A hot button issue?” Grantaire asks, drier still. SoCombeferre waxes as eloquent on familial dysfunction as on governmentalpolicies and renewable energy. It makes it easier to swallow, that Combeferrejust cares in general, and in the specific because they’re friends, rather thanthe opposite. It’s easier to be cared about on principle. Grantaire’s still notsure he has principles, when people are looking at him. “Do you want to pretendthis conversation never happened?”

And Combeferre’s eyes are still intent, a little apologetic,much too kind, but Grantaire is weirdly fond of it. Combeferre smiles again,though he clearly doesn’t expect either of them to actually dismiss this weirdwhole conversation, and taps his knuckles against Grantaire’s forearm, aglancing touch. “Would you rather hold some rats and we can trade fun rat factsinstead?”

“I,” Grantaire proclaims, relieved and grateful andawkwardly a little touched, “would love that. D’you know much about thesymbolism of mustelids in art?”

“No, but go on,” Combeferre says, and grins shamelessly atGrantaire. “No one else can wax pedantic quite so poetically, after all.”

Grantaire rolls his eyes heavily, but snorts in laughter allthe same.

[ladyofpurple]

GIRL ITS BEEN MONTHS SINCE YOU UPDATED TPOY!! please tell me you haven’t given up on it )-:

I KNOW IM REALLY SORRY OMG

This took a bit longer to answer than it should have because I was trying to figure out how to reply, I guess?? The short answer is basically that writing bits of fic during my exams when I didn’t actually have the time to was super productive, mainly because I Didn’t Want To Do The Thing but my entire future hinged on Doing The Thing and anxiety-driven avoidance is excellent creative fuel, apparently. The problem is, of course, that once I finished and started getting my results back and actually had time to breathe again my brain kinda fizzled out and I never wanted to look at a Word document ever again in my life. Writing is really hard right now, for some reason. And not just TPoy — everything I try to write either gives me a headache, makes every idea I’ve ever had go flying out the window like magic, or looks like absolute garbage to me. (I’ve been trying, though, I promise!!!) There is more TPoY, though!! I swear to God!! It’s just coming along a little slower than anticipated.

The long answer is... a little more complicated and probably more than you’re interested in, and the main reason is the short one anyway. But I’ll put a long answer under a cut just in case (aka the entire history of TPoY lol), since I’ve lowkey wanted to post about it for a while now but didn’t quite know how to? May get a little very personal, I suppose.

Basically, TPoY is and always has been a garbage fic. I don’t say that to disparage my own writing or attempt to elicit praise from anyone: I have always considered it a glorious dumpster fire of experimentation, a ridiculous Frankenstein’s monster of all my favorite ML tropes as a practice run, since it had been so long since attempting to write anything at all. I’m thrilled that people like it, of course! Whenever people send me asks about it my answers always involve a lot of exclamation points and variations on “I AM CURRENTLY SOBBING ON THE FLOOR IN GRATITUDE” because I honestly have no idea how to express how genuinely teary-eyed I get when someone tells me how much they like it, or post a comment. That being said, it was always intended for my own amusement and/or therapy, and that it’s gotten so many bookmarks and kudos and comments is incredibly surreal, even after a whole year.

When I started writing it, I was working through a lot of stuff. My first boyfriend had broken up with me, and as we lived together in his hometown I was stuck there on my own for another year before I could move back home. 2016 was filled with a lot of horrifying shit that kept happening one after the other and I eventually almost had to drop out of school because I couldn’t handle it all. The relationship was pretty toxic but all I knew at the time was that I was scared and alone and heartbroken. 

When I started writing, it was after 8 months of the worst bout of depression I’ve ever experienced, and I still wasn’t well, but I functioned passably enough to start hyperfocusing on things. I had an idea about a fic I suddenly wanted to write, and it would have a happy ending and all, but I could work through my feelings in a way I hadn’t tried to since before my ex and I got together. I pulled a lot of the start of the fic (the rejection, the miscommunication, the avoidance) from my recent breakup, yes, but also from my first rejection, aka the only other boy I’d liked enough to confess my feelings to. We were 17, and he admitted that he knew, and then suddenly we weren’t friends anymore. A year and a half later, I got together with my ex, and suddenly after three years of dedicating my life to “us” on his whims he was ghosting me without explanation.

I see a lot of myself in Marinette at that age. The awkwardness, the enthusiasm, the incredibly obvious lovesick obsession with a cute boy who’s nice to you. I wondered if maybe she would react the same, if put into similar circumstances as I had been. Focus on the self-doubt that would follow, based on insecurities she’s already shown in the show — coupled with your standard teenage hormone-fest —and you’d have a fabulous starter for angstfic and a free therapy session all in one.

The problem with that is nobody knows this backstory but me. People focusing on Marinette’s insecurities is nothing new. Other people are annoyed it’s such a popular trope. And the fact that I’ve chosen to focus on certain aspects of the main characters’ identities for the purposes of a story I started on a whim has been making me insecure for a long time because people in the fandom are tired of those characterizations. I’ve never gotten hate comments —I don’t even remember ever getting constructive criticism on TPoY. But I’m well aware that the plot is far from original and definitely lacking in certain places, and as the comments roll in and the hits go up my anxiety mounts because oh my God I’m that guy in the fandom.

I always intended on focusing on different aspects of their characterizations in different fics to suit the plot, y’know? Not ignoring parts of their personalities, but just... emphasizing other parts. But TPoY is the one most people have read. I have a couple one-shots where I tried to do something like that, with different aspects of their characters, but short one-shots can’t really compare to a 100,000+ word WIP, even if they even slightly compared in popularity (they don’t). So my only notable contribution to the fandom is TPoY. And that makes me anxious.

Then there’s the Frankenstein-like obsession with adding every trope I’ve ever wanted to write in a fic like this. I’ve mentioned before that the original plan for this was, like, 10-15 chapters at most. But every chapter I write I’m like, “But what if I did this???” Like I said, I never intended it to be even remotely popular. The only other fandoms I’ve written for are microscopic in comparison. I had no frame of reference for a pairing this big — all my previous experience was from Fanfiction.net, for Christ’s sake. I assumed I wouldn’t finish it, and even getting to chapter 6 was a surprise. But that hyperfocus somehow held on for dear life and I was banging out chapters like nobody’s business. And people were responding to it. And I think that kind of went to my head a little? Not like in an “I deserve all this attention” kind of way, but more like a “People like?? This thing I’m doing??? I cannot squander this opportunity, I must give them m o r e” kind of way. It was the best I’d felt since the breakup and I didn’t really think I deserved it, so I kind of wanted to... prove I did, I guess, by writing everything I’d ever wanted in a lovesquare fic in hopes that people would keep liking it and me and I’d keep feeling nice. (I mean, I’d planned to add in a ridiculous amount of tropes anyway, I just ended up adding a lot more than I’d planned.)

On the one hand, people go nuts for that shit. On the other, it’s getting harder and harder to justify cramming all this shit into the same fic. This compulsion keeps fucking me over by giving me spur-of-the-moment ideas for sub-plots I never wanted and certainly didn’t properly think through before posting the foreshadowing or setup for — yet at the same time they’re usually thought of and integrated several chapters in advance so I can’t just... leave them out? And part of me kind of doesn’t want to?? And I’m trying with every fiber in my being not to rewrite just the first 3 chapters, let alone the entire fic. A side-effect of my FF.net history at 13 was Never Edit Anything. Yeah, I’ll do some spell-check. Maybe some rewording here and there. Sometimes I’ll post a chapter and come back sporadically over the next few days to change out some punctuation or whatever. But if I don’t like a section after writing for a while? Throw the Whole Ass Chapter out. After it’s posted? This Is Your Life Now.

let’s not talk about how everything after chapter 27 was supposed to go very differently

Never mind that, after writing a hundred thousand goddamn words in a year, one’s writing skill tends to evolve and increase over time. Not just in regards to vocabulary, but with consistency and pacing and structure. This means, of course, that I can’t ever reread my own writing without the Evil Writing Goblin in my brain telling me to start the whole thing over from scratch. It’s fine.

I suppose I could get a beta, but I’m very bad at taking critique and as I’m even worse at talking to people than I am at posting on time I don’t think that would work out very well.

The point of this goddamn novel is that TPoY means a lot to me, probably a lot more than people realize. It’s kinda dumb and very cheesy and absurdly long, but it was the first real thing I did for myself after my whole life fell apart. I will finish it!!

But it’s hard to write it right now. I’m trying— I’m writing four chapters at the same time right now (a bit less than 10,000 words combined at current count). I don’t want to try to rewrite the whole fic or keep “mischaracterizing” the characters or lose the suspense I’ve tried to build (or, God forbid, try to keep interest so hard it hurts the rest of the fic) and risk alienating readers. I can’t stress enough how much these supportive comments mean to me, even on something as silly as a fanfic. But I also don’t want to force myself to write it or write something just because other people might or might not like it and risk alienating me. So I’m stuck at a kind of anxiety-induced impasse with myself that’s just made worse by the fact that I’m having trouble writing anything at all at the moment.

Jesus Christ this was longer than I meant it to be. Please don’t take this as a pity-party or anything. I don’t want sympathy or, I don’t know, reassurance or anything, I just wanted everything to be Out There because it really is the most in-depth response I could give and y’all deserve an honest answer. Some of you guys have been reading since the beginning and I can’t express how much that means to me. I feel really bad when I haven’t updated in a long time, because I know my fic makes some people really happy!

And PLEASE don’t take this as a “STOP ASKING ME ABOUT TPOY GODDAMMIT” because this is the opposite of that. I FUCKING LOVE IT WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME ABOUT TPOY. I L I V E FOR IT. But it sucks when the only answer I have is “I don’t know when it’ll be up, sorry :( ”

I mean, that’ll probably still be the answer I give, unless I by some miraculous (heh) stroke of luck) start hyperfocusing on writing again.

But at least y’all kinda know why now.