#ILL POST MORE VIDEOS TOMORROW I AM STILL IN SO MUCH SHOCK

[thunder-bandit]

“My God… what have we done?”

[deans-baby-momma]

Rebel Without A Cause-Epilogue #1

A/N: First part today; second part tomorrow. I was going to do them both a few hours apart but I got busy at work and am only just now getting to post this and since my favorite show returns to the tv tonight, I’ll post the 2nd part of this tomorrow.

Maggie stands in shocked silence as she takes in the scene before her. Dean proposing was the last thing she ever thought would happen. And the fact that he surprised her so abundantly!  Listening to him sing the song he wrote for her had made her heart swell and tears well into her eyes.

Through new tears, she smooths out the white dress that she is donning, taking one last look in the mirror before applying the veil to her head. It is just a simple maxi dress  with a V neckline and a  full skirt that flowed down to her feet,  long sleeves made of crochet lace. Rayne had gifted her a necklace with a single pearl on it and pearl earrings that now adorned her chest and ears. On her feet she wore a pair of basic white leather sandals.

A series of knocks on the door sound and Maggie smiles. Leave it up to her soon-to-husband to not stay away. She walks to the door and places her hand against the warm wood. "Dean, you know it’s bad luck to see the bride before the wedding."

"I can't see you, baby," Dean points out. "I just needed to hear your voice. And make sure you weren't going to stand me up." The chuckle in his voice bubbling out.

"I'm not going anywhere," Maggie promises. "I told you when I said yes that you were stuck with me always and forever. I love you, Dean Henry Winchester."

"I know. But with everything that happened...I just had to check. I love you Margaret Eugenia soon-to-be Winchester."

"I'll see you out there, babe," Maggie says with tears in her eyes. "I'll be the one in white."

Dean's laughter can probably be heard through the whole church; hell, the whole town.  "Okay, baby. See you out there."

All media, social, and entertainment tabloids, ran with the story of Dean's proposal. Pictures and videos of him down on one knee asking Maggie to marry him and her subsequential 'yes' was the news for a few days afterward. 

The coverage, unfortunately, lead to unsolicited calls to Maggie's phone, Lisa and her mom's messages the most unwanted and unnecessary. Phrases such as "sloppy seconds" and "he doesn't know what he's in for" weren't even the worse. No, the worse came from her own mother in the form of "is there enough white silk to make a dress to cover the piglet?" Maggie listened to the devastating messages in the privacy of the bathroom while Dean slept in the other room. Tears ran down her face as she listened to Lisa Braeden and Barbara Fitzgerald continually put her down for finally being happy.

'He isn't even that good in bed,' Lisa had taunted. 'And his dick? Jesus, I have toys bigger than that. Has he even learned how to use it? I remember the first time we fucked, he didn't even know where to put it. And when he did figure it out, I had to ask him if he was in because I felt nothing. Nothing, Maggie! Are you sure you want to spend the rest of your life feeling nothing?"

Maggie deleted the messages and washed the remnants of her crying from her face. She knew she shouldn't let their taunting get to her but she couldn't help it. The two people who were supposed to be ecstatic about her engagement and upcoming nuptials were instead trying to tear her down. But, Maggie vowed to be better than that. She wasn't going to let them destroy her or her happiness. She had the love of her life, her best friends Rayne and Meg, along with the rest of the band as a family. She didn't need to share the same blood in her veins with the ones who lifted her up and supported her.  She and Dean were going to be married and they were all ecstatic for them. 'Family doesn't end in blood' someone had once said. And it didn't start there either.

Maggie stands outside the closed wooden doors of the chapel, taking deep breaths. 'This is it,' she thinks to herself. 'In an hour, I will be Mrs. Dean Winchester. I will finally be married to the man I have loved for almost a decade!' A smile crosses her face at the thought. Maggie Fitzgerald had a schoolgirl crush on her older sister's boyfriend but never thought she would end up here, moments away from seeing the same boy, a man now, in a tux and waiting to make her his wife. Amazed was an understatement. 

"It's almost time," Rayne joyfully announces as she and Meg, Maggie's two bridesmaids, join her. "Are you ready?"

"She better be," Meg says jokingly. "I'm about to bust the seams on my dress!"

Maggie and Rayne look over at the brunette and, sure enough, the tulle is stretched taut across her swollen stomach. Two months after Dean's proposal, Meg had fallen ill and had to be hospitalized, only to find out she and Cas were expecting their first child. Everyone was overjoyed for the couple and even though she would be close to delivery for Dean and Maggie's wedding, Meg had insisted she would be a part of it and not "laid up in bed because someone just came out of my vagina". 

Since becoming the PR person for the band, Maggie had gotten close to all the band members, save for Benny. Maggie still was uneasy around the band’s drummer. He had seen her naked and in the most vulnerable situation ever. She was affable with the big Cajun but she was more open with the rest of the band. Maggie and Meg had gotten to be close and Maggie considered the keyboardist one of her dearest friends. 

When Maggie had asked Meg to be a bridesmaid, the brunette had broken out in tears and agreed almost immediately. Looking back, it was probably one of the first signs of her pregnancy. 

"I've been ready for practically 10 years," Maggie says as they get in position to enter the church. As the doors slowly open, Maggie takes a deep breath. This was it; this was the day she was going to marry Dean. She didn’t even notice as Meg, then Rayne, left her making their way down the church aisle. Maggie stood in the vestibule waiting for her queue, the song “At Last” by Etta James- her pick to walk down the aisle to. At last, she was getting what she wanted; a man to love her completely. 

Maggie was making this most important step by herself. Her father had passed away a few years ago and there was no one else significant to take his place. As she heard the opening chords of the song she’d chosen, she stepped up to the door and immediately searched out Dean. 

Maggie's eyes are fixated on Dean as she makes her way down the aisle. She doesn't notice their guests or the extravagant decorations around the room. Her main focus is the green-eyed man waiting for her at the pulpit. He looks so damn fine in his black tux, the white shirt bringing out the emerald in his eyes. Even from halfway, Maggie can see the awe in his face and the tears threatening to escape. Her heart squeezes in her chest. 

When she finally reaches her destination, Dean steps up to her side and whispers, "You are a dream come true, baby." That earns him a smile and a wink.

They turn their attention to Pastor Marv, a friend of Chuck Shurley, the band's lawyer. Marv begins his speech as he smiles at the couple. "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness and celebrate the union of Dean Henry Winchester and Margaret Eugenia Fitzgerald. Love is a most wondrous affair and these two are the embodiment of it."

They exchange I do's and nervously slide rings on one another's fingers, much to the amusement of their guests. Dean's vows are profound and heartfelt causing Maggie to allow tears to fall down her cheeks. Maggie's vows, in return,  are sincere and honest and Dean feels as though nothing could touch or hurt him.

When Pastor Marv announces it was time to kiss the bride, Dean ardently pulls the veil over her head and cups her face in both hands. The kiss was like nothing either of them had ever experienced. So much love and emotion went into that first convergence as man and wife.  Maggie nor Dean hear as Pastor Marv announces, "I give you Mister and Missus Dean Winchester" or the cheers of their guests. It is just the two of them in that moment.

Meg's screams can be heard even in the waiting room where Maggie, Dean, Sam, Rayne, and the rest of Meg's family awaits the new arrival. Rayne looks over at Maggie with wide eyes as they hear Meg cuss at Cas but Maggie can't help but giggle. To hear Meg telling Cas that his dick ain't coming anywhere near her again and she's being ripped in two and it's all his fault is amusing to her. 

When Cas emerges with a tiny blue bundle, the whole waiting room descends on him, wanting a glimpse of the baby.

"Everyone, I want you to meet Jack Asmodeus Novak."

"Asmodeus?!" Dean exclaims with a chuckle. "Where the hell did you get that from?"

"From me," Meg's father, Asmodeus Masters speaks up behind Dean. Dean turns and looks at the older man apologetically.  "Sorry,  Mr. Masters. Meant no disrespect."

"None taken, son. Now get out of my way so I can meet my grandson and apparent namesake."

The friends all step back and watch as the grandparents and aunts and uncles all gather around Cas to dole out affection to the infant. Maggie wonders what it would be like for that to be her and Dean's child. Would there be people here awaiting his or her arrival and overjoyed when the babe got here? She knew Lisa and her mom would be nowhere near them, but would Dean's family, other than Sam, be there? Did Dean even want kids?

Shaking those crazy thoughts off, Maggie followed Dean, Sam, and Rayne as the four of them went to visit with the new mother and congratulate her on the beautiful baby. 

Moments later, Cas returns and put the sleeping infant in the plastic bassinet. They guys take off to congratulate Cas in their own way, probably with cigars and liquor while Maggie and Rayne stay behind with Meg.

"So you're a mother now," Maggie says. "How's it feel?"

Meg glances over at the transparent cradle and smiles.  "Wonderful now that he isn't inside me. That fucking hurt like hell!"

"Ah, it couldn't have been that bad," Rayne chuckles from the other side of the bed.

Meg turns her head towards the young woman. "Wanna bet? That kid pushed his way out of my vagina, Rayne! I swear he stretched me so much down there, I'd hate to see the mess he left." 

Maggie and Rayne look at each other and cringe. Meg giggles at their expressions. "Girls, you know it's the truth. I swear I better shrink back to normal!"

Maggie and Rayne sit there and listen to Meg go on about her most private area, laughing and making faces at the woman's bluntness. 

When the guys return, it is obvious that they have splurged on the celebratory drinks as all of them were flushed and have half-lidded eyes. Hugging and kissing the new parents, the four of them leave the room and head home. 

Seeing Dean's state of inebriation, Maggie decides to hold off on bringing up the subject of children. They have plenty of time to discuss that.

@pink1031​ @spnbaby-67​ @winecatsandpizza​ @joseyrw​ @kricketc29​ @tftumblin​ @markofdean79​ @sandlee44​ @michellethetvaddict​ @lyarr24​ @travelingriversideblues-x​

[superjennysunshine]

Day 9: Day 7 - Revelations.

Today was fun. Xenoblades been fucking amazing so far and I’m still looking forward to playing it everyday, unfortunately FF14 has taken a backseat to it but I’ll return once i finish up Xenoblade.

So lets talk about day 7 huh.

I said I didn’t have a post for day 7 cause it was a bad day and that’s partially a lie. It was mostly an average day until I wrote out the post for day 7, at which point it became a bad day.

I didn’t really know what to write on day 7. I tried a couple things and none of them seemed to work and as I kept deleting paragraphs everything kept getting a little more raw and emotional, Attempt 2 was more emotional and raw than attempt 1. Attempt 3 more than 2, etc. On my fourth try I found what I was looking for, that feeling when you’ve struck literature gold and your just typing away filling the page with word after word of exactly what you wanted to convey.

But then I realized something. What I was writing sounded exactly like a suicide note. The first sentence was “I just wanted them to know how I felt.” later i wrote “I want them to know none of this was there fault, there was nothing they could’ve done.” and I started balling in my room, my door was open so I was biting down on my lip, tears streaming down my face as I wrote this letter. Finally I reached an end after 4 paragraphs and just sat there crying.

Ultimately I didn’t post that letter for day 7, of course, and I’m better now, I know that probably doesn’t sound like much coming from me, especially with events as of late, but I do feel better than I did then. But thinking back to it, It felt so final. It was so filled with anger and bitterness toward the world, some sort of lamenting tantrum at everyone who would’ve read it. It read like the words of someone who was about to die and it scared me. Still does today, which I guess is a good thing. 

I think about my own death a lot, hell I daydream about it nearly on the regular. I feel like I’ve told at least one or two people that but I’ve never told them specifically what I think about. I have two separate death dreams.

The first is the Car Dream. In the car dream, I’m driving, on some street near a closed gas station, when all of the sudden i get in a head on collision. there’s glass stuck in me all over, im bleeding out of my ears and my eyes are open wide in shock. I crawl out of the car and lay on the ground by the door, staring up into the sky as the dream camera very cinematic like floats up into the air as David Bowies’ Heroes plays. Melodramatic as hell I know. But that’s how it plays out every single time I have the car dream.

Btw David Bowie makes great credit music. Heroes, Moonage Daydream, Life On Mars they all have such an ending type of vibe too them, like you’re watching someone walk off the field in an 80′s movie. Or in my case die in a fucking car accident lmao.

Anyway..

The other is the Funeral Dream. In the funeral dream I’ve already died. Everyone I expect would be at my real life funeral is there all dressed up to the nines. It’s in the same funeral home as my dads, I guess because it was the last funeral home I vividly remember the look of. There’s no service or anything but there is a closed casket and a television. The Television turns on and a video begins playing. It’s animated the first I hear is Blue by Yugo Kanno, the ending track to Cowboy Bebop. Another very good credit song, mainly because it’s used in the series finale credits. The similarities don’t stop there, as a huge blue sky plays a pivotal role in the plot of this little animation. There’s a shot of me in a hospital bed, presumably in this dream I die of some sort of illness. Don’t know if I’d take it over a car crash but that’s a quandary for another day. I wont go into too much detail about the events leading up to the end of the video. But when the ending crescendo of Blue begins i start running up the side of the hospital, and jumping into the sky, and as the song ends I fly away, only to be seen watching the world below me while sitting on a cloud. It mirrors this picture from the ending of All Star Superman, which makes sense because it’s my favorite image a comic I love, and is also about someones death.

The video is honestly, quite beautiful. It’s stirred tears out of me more than a couple of times.

I’ve had revelations about these dreams recently. In both of them I’m killed by something completely out of my control. An Unstoppable Illness, and An Unseen Oncoming Vehicle. I go away to music, ending music, ending music I love, and in the funeral dream I get closure. I watch the reactions of the people I love and I watch them leave. Knowing that their lives will continue on.

A resolute end. A goodbye.

This entire break I’ve been dreading returning to my friends lives not because I hate them or anything but because It would make it so much harder to leave. I’ve felt exhausted of living for so long, since before I even knew any of them, though I didn’t know that back then. But I got involved in these peoples lives I became something to them no matter how small or big that thing might be I AM something. It all makes senses. I stop talking to my guitar teacher, I brush off every compliment that comes my way, I chuckle and say a half assed thanks when people show me genuine love, I confine myself to my room and never speak to anyone, because I’m trying to prepare. Whether all of it means to prepare to just disappear or kill myself is a question I don’t have the answer to.

The more important question is, now that I’ve figured it all out, how do I feel about it?

Idk. I don’t wanna die, not today. Not right now. I did on day 7. Will I tomorrow? Maybe.

Truthfully, I have no Idea how to process any of this information or what i want to do with it. emotionally I want to go through with it, just POOF out of peoples lives and chill either in this room alone or in the ether. Logically I don’t want to do any of that because that sounds fucking insane.

Idk man. Shits crazy.

[itsreallylaterightnow]

When I Was Older (Irondad Fic Exchange 2019)

-Summary:

Peter Parker never thought that something like this would be a problem, he always imagined with the spider-bite came a sort of overall health and wellness... well besides being shot at constantly. So when this terrible illness bites down on him suddenly, how will it effect the few days he has left?

or

Peter Parker contracts an illness that he has never heard of then learns that it has no known cure... will he lose his mind before getting the chance to say goodbye to the ones he loves?

Notes: 

AHH! I am so ecstatic for this!! I worked so hard on this, and I am very very proud of this work and I hope that elevators_not_worthy enjoys this work! I chose her, Author's Choice prompt and came up with this guy! It was a labor of love and I cannot thank @justme--Emily  & @seek-rest enough for taking the time to Beta read this work and help me round it out!

Warnings: This is a very sad fic, but no MCD! It is disorienting and could be upsetting to people. No major panic attacks or anything of the sort, just know that it is a bit intense!

Also, shoutout to @irondad-fic-exchange for helping this writer with the computer parts of posting this (I may be a millennial and I may be on my computer all the time but Im so bad with them)

**Tags: ** @irondad-fic-exchange @unfathomable-universe

Please enjoy!

         Peter smiled at MJ across the lunch table, tossing a potato chip at her. Her hair was loose around her face today, and he thought it made her look exceptional.

“Eat your lunch, loser. We only have five minutes before class.” She said, looking back down at her book.

He glanced down at his plate, frowning at the half-eaten sandwich. He hadn’t been hungry for several days, he’d still been forcing himself to eat, but it hadn’t been much. He had hypothesized that his body was finally watering down the spider bite’s crazy side-affect that had him eating like an elephant every day.

The bell rang and the Ned, Betty, and MJ all headed in different directions. Peter waved them all off and stood up himself. His feet led him down the tiled floors of the cafeteria. He stepped into the hallway, about to head to his class. It was time for… Peter stopped, staring at the floor. What class was he going to? He racked his brain, thinking as hard as he could to no avail. He shook his head, remembering that he had read that doorways cause you to lose your train of thought. But it was March of his senior year of high school, he should remember what class came after his lunch period.

           A laugh shook him from his stupor, Olivia Yung grabbed shoved his arm, a smile on her face. “Come on, Parker! We’re going to be late to Western Civ! You don’t even have your notebook, geez! You Americans! Come on, you can borrow a piece of paper and pen from me. We have a quiz on Thursday, you better start taking some good notes!” She tugged him along, and Peter shook his head. Olivia was really nice. She was a genius Foreign exchange student and had quickly joined the Decathlon. MJ and her really got along on account of Olivia was obsessed with politics and her and Michelle could talk about current events for hours.

           Peter sat down in class, a bit shaken from the weird memory lapse thing, but he just pushed it away, and began to take good notes. Mr. Harrington wasn’t the best chaperon, but he was pretty good at teaching. So good that Peter struggled to keep up with the points the man was making about the reformation. Peter looked up at the projection and paused. There was a misspelled word on the board. He stopped, furrowing his brows. He looked around, why was no one else noticing this? The word wasn’t even a real one, why would Harrington put it up? Peter looked down at his paper, then looked back up. He dropped his pencil while he re-read the sentence. It said, “Martin Luther posted the 95 These on the Wittenberg church.” The word Peter hadn’t been able to place was _church. _How the hell had he been so confused about that? Peter shook his head. This was getting a bit too weird for his liking. But he figured he would talk to Mr. Stark about it that afternoon at the internship.

           Peter got in the car with Happy, but the man was on a business call, so he had the partition up. Peter pulled his mask out of his bag and slipped on over his head. “Hello, Mr. Parker.”

           “Hey, Karen. Weird question for you.” He said.

           “Anything that I can answer I will.” She responded.

           “Um, have I hit my head recently on patrol?” Peter leaned back and waited, already knowing the answer, but needing to double check.

           “I have no record of you hitting your head recently. I am automatically required to alert Mr. Stark of any and all head injuries upon incident. I have not alerted him in exactly three weeks, and last time you hit your head it was nothing but a migraine inducer.” Peter gnawed on his lip, trying to come up with a reason behind the strange things that had gone down earlier in his day.

           “No reason, K.” And he pulled the mask off. He hadn’t gotten much sleep that night, maybe that was it. Peter closed his eyes. With the New York traffic, they’d be at least another forty-five minutes to the tower. His last thought was _that’s just enough time to take a nap. _

           It had been three hours that Peter and Tony had been in the lab when Mr. Stark turned to Peter with a look of annoying amusement on his face.

           “Kid, you’ve been tapping your fingers on the table for the last ten minutes and if you don’t stop, I’m going to absolutely rampage.” Peter looked up, and smirked.

           “Yeah, yeah, sorry Mr. Stark.” He stopped his fingers, a bit confused as to how long he had been tapping them anyways. Truth was, Peter could care less about the work in front of him. He and Mr. Stark had been doing updates to FRIDAY, and Peter’s attention span had been waning for the last hour and a half.

           Peter rolled his neck, the muscles in his back stiff as he looked at the clock. He still had three more hours of time in here. Normally it was too short of a time with Tony in Peter’s eyes, but right now, he just wanted to lay down.

           He cried out suddenly, dropping the pen he was holding. “What the heck?” He blurted, short gasps of air coming from his mouth as his arm locked up.

           Tony looked over at Peter, concern in his eyes. “What’s up kid?” Peter hunched over, laughing through the pain.

           “My arm is like- ow- spazzing!” He laughed through the pain, it didn’t hurt enough for him to scream, it felt like the one time on patrol when he had been shocked with a woman’s stun-gun when she thought he was trying to grab her. It didn’t necessarily hurt, just locked his joints up a bit. Tony just rolled his eyes and went back to work.

           Peter spent the night at the tower. It was Friday night, and May was on a weekend shift. Peter would normally either stay with Ned or Tony on these weekends, and Ned had called Peter saying he had come down with a cold. So, Stark tower it was. He sat opposite of Steve and Bucky who were watching the newest Yankees game. Peter felt exhaustion pulling at his eyes, but he forced himself to look back down at the homework he had been working on. Tony was on some conference call that Pepper had forced him to take, and he could hear Clint and Nat in the kitchen arguing about how to properly cook spaghetti while Wanda just laughed.

           The Avengers floor had a large commons area. There was the television, kitchen, dining area and a couple of video games. It was a flat and open space. It had two sides to it. The left side led to the bathrooms, and training area. The right side led to all of the bedrooms. Tony had offered to put Peter on his private floor, but Peter just shook his head. He liked being a part of the team like that.

           As the night wore on Tony and Pepper filled into the commons room. Clint had ruined the Spaghetti, don’t even ask Peter how because he didn’t know that was possible. So Tony had grumbled and ordered pizza from the nearest store.

           Peter looked at the food on his plate and sighed, his appetite still completely gone. He forced himself to take a couple of bites before he set it down, wincing at the tightness in his jaw. He began to tap his fingers on his leg, there was an itch in the back of his mind like his hand was being forced to move. Peter watched the movie in front of them. Wanda had gotten to choose tonight, and she had wanted to watch Chasing Mavericks. It was a movie Peter had never seen, but so far, he had kind of liked it. It was about this guy that, against the bad hand the world had dealt him, had found a father figure to replace the lack of his own. The older man, Frosty, took Jay under his wing, teaching him how to not only surf some of the largest and most dangerous waves in the world, but also how to be a better man.

           Peter couldn’t keep his eyes from flicking over to look at Mr. Stark. The older man had Peter’s feet laid over her legs, an arm around Pepper and a pen twirled in his fingers. As Peter watched the movie, seeing as Frosty lost his wife, and Jay helped him back from his guilt and grief, he felt every emotion that the characters felt. He saw as Frosty watched, heart in his throat, as Jay almost died surfing the mavericks. Then, the pain in Frosty’s eyes when Jay did die, taken too soon by his own drive for greatness.

           The movie ended, and Peter saw Tony, wiping his eyes as he leaned back. Natasha had passed out, sitting with her back up against Bucky’s legs. Bucky and Steve had been squished onto the couch together, looking a bit uncomfortable but relaxed, nonetheless. Clint had fallen asleep with his head on Bruce’s shoulder, who in turn had his chin on Clint’s head. The two would freak when they saw woke up.

           Peter went to sit up and frowned at the tightness in his limbs. He felt like his joints had been bolted together and were unable to bend. Peter cracked his jaw and rolled his shoulder. He was still a bit too emotional from the movie to talk, so he stood up and sighed.

           “See you tomorrow, kiddo. I was thinking that we could just have a lazy day at home. Watch some movies, fool around in the lab. The works.” Tony said as he helped pull an exhausted looking Pepper to her feet.

           “Great sounds, Mr. Stark.” Peter turned to go to his room, stopping at Tony’s chuckle.

           “Yeah, you do need to go to bed if you’re talking like that, Pete. G’night.” Peter didn’t know what the older man was talking about, so he just continued walking towards his room.

           And with that, the boy made his way stiffly to his room, fumbling for the king-sized bed and essentially collapsing onto it. School and patrol had really been kicking his butt recently. It had totally zapped his energy, so he was pretty glad to be able to just relax this weekend. Peter closed his eyes, and that was it.

           After the weekend at the tower Peter had finally felt rested. He went to school on Monday happy as could be to be there. Then of course it all went to hell. He had been having a fine weekend. His memory had been a little short, and he kept getting his words mixed up, but Peter had just attributed it to him having been so tired. And, no one had seemed to notice so it wasn’t a big deal anyways.

           He was at Decathlon practice when it happened. Peter had been sitting beside Flash and Betty, answering question after question when there was a strange _popping _sensation in the back of his head. Peter sat up a bit straighter, but he just ignored it, waiting for the next question.

           “Uh- Peter?” He looked up to where MJ was standing with the flashcards in her hands, a strange expression on her normally straight-laced face.

           That’s when he heard the dripping noise and felt liquid on his mouth. Peter put his hand up to his nose and pulled it away. More shocked and annoyed by the sight of the bright red liquid than anything. That’s when he noticed that it wasn’t just dripping, his nose was pouring blood.

Peter pulled his jacket off, holding it up to his nose as he pushed his seat back clumsily.    

“Mr. Parker, do you need to go to the nurse?” Harrington asked in his normally panicked voice.   “No, I-I’m…” He frowned, completely losing his train of thought as the jacket in his hand kept getting wetter under his nose..  “Bathroom, I’m going to go to the bathroom.”

He pushed past the others, bending his knee in annoyance at the stiffness it held. It made him think of his old bike. The kickstand had been rusted, so he could flip it down easily enough, but whenever he tried to pop it back up it would just stick down, aching and squealing in protest as he forced it upwards.

           Peter walked, albeit gimpily to the bathroom. He opened the door and stepped into the fluorescently lit room.

           And his mind blanked. Why was he in the bathroom? Why was his hand pressed to his face? And why on earth did it feel so sticky? Peter turned to leave, pulling the jacket away from his nose when he stopped. His nose was bleeding? When did his nose start bleeding? It didn’t feel like he had gotten punched and he was still at school, so he shouldn’t be having any injuries from school.

           Peter grabbed a couple of paper towels and bent over the sink. He closed his eyes, waiting for the bleeding to stop. It just continued gushing, running down the sink. He breathed out, praying it would stop soon.

           “Peter!” Ned’s voice had Peter snapping his head up. He opened his eyes and looked at his friend, his head pounding. When he looked at himself in the mirror he stopped. Under his nose was a smear of dried blood, and there was a deep red mark on his forehead from where he had been leaning against the edge of the sink.

           “What, jeez, Ned! Don’t scream at me like that, you’re going to give me a heart attack!”

           “Dude, you’re Spiderman and me saying your name is going to do you in?” He said in a voice that made Peter pause. Ned had this tone to his voice that he only got when he was freaked out about something.

           “Ned!” Peter looked around in wild panic as he dampened some paper towels to wipe the blood from his face. “Someone is going to hear you!” Ned just looked at him. His friend’s face was completely slack and dumbfounded.

           “Peter… it’s been two hours! Tony called me, and I told him you had to have goen home because you never came back to practice! I thought you’d gone home after the whole nosebleed thing. Then- then I just come in here to pee before I go home and you’re just like- dude, you were in some freaky trance! Eyes closed, bent over the sink! Are you okay? Is this, should we like, call Mr. Stark about this?” Ned asked so many questions that he just frowned.

           “No, no I’m ok, Ned. I think- I think I’m just tired. I need to go, ok?” Ned just watched as Peter pushed past him. “I’m fine, really! I’ll see you tomorrow!” He said, bringing his hand up to his jaw as he began to rub it again. God, his bones felt so stiff.

           Peter stepped outside and pulled his phone into his hand. His heart plummeted. Twelve missed texts from Tony! He was so dead!

           Hey kid, you still coming to work on the new update for Karen today?

_ _

_            Yo- you ignoring your old man now? I’m completely offended._

_ _

_            Blink once if you are in trouble. _

_ _

_            Peter, kid? You’re friend Ned said you left to go home? Everything peachy clean?_

_ _

_            Alright, I’m kind of panicking. Please call me. _

_ _

_            Now._

_ _

_            Kid, I mean it. Like NOW!_

_ _

_            Ok, your phone is saying it has no signal. _

_ _

_            So help me GOD if you turned off your tracking again_

_ _

_            PETER!_

_ _

_            Alright, I’m sending the avenger’s out now. _

_ _

_            Call me!_

_ _

_ _

_            _He didn’t get service in the bathroom he had been in, and Peter hit the call button. One ring later and Tony was yelling in his ear.

           “Mr. Stark.” He winced again, pulling the phone from his ear. Something was wrong. He couldn’t think. Peter looked around him and stopped. He was in front of some massive building. He could see a football field and stairs. The building behind him looked somewhat like a prison as Peter turned in a circle. “I’m-” He lost the word for it. “I don’t k- I can’t think!” He finally forced out of his increasingly uncomfortable mouth, rubbing his jaw once more.

           “Ok, your tracking is on now.” Tony’s voice was deadly serious as he picked up the predicament his kid was in. “Your friend said he found you bent over the bathroom sink, Bucky is closest to you, but I’m on my way.”

           Peter wanted to speak, but he was hit by a wall of fatigue. He heard someone calling his name, but his phone clattered to the ground as his hand fell limp at his side. He felt like a puppet whose strings had been completely cut.

He swayed. Peter heard yelling, but he couldn’t comprehend the words. He was exhausted, feeling as though he had been running for three hours.

He fell. Unable to hold himself up on his shaking knees anymore. Then he felt arms on his,

lowering him to the ground.

           “Hey, woah- woah kid. Hang on, Tony’s almost here. Geez, what did you smoke?” He heard Bucky above him, and Peter could feel as the ex-assassin sat him up, leaning Peter back against his chest to keep him supported.

           “I- Buck- I can’t think- I don’t. Working, words aren’t.” He could feel the man looking at him, but Peter just wanted help. He was so confused, and nothing was making sense. And what was this happening to him?

           He heard the sound of repulsors and felt more hands on him then Tony’s worry ridden face was in front of him.

           “Kid, what’s going on?” It was then that Peter realized he was crying.

           “I don’t- Tony- I can’t- I can’t- I can’t-” The older man held his hand out, eyebrows creased heavily.

           “Okay, alright. Brucy is waiting on us at the tower, and he’s going to get you all figured out. I swear, if you have alcohol in your system, I’m going to lose it.” Tony’s voice was deadly serious, but Peter knew he was just teasing to work through the anxiety he was feeling.

           “Where- where- are? Where am I?” He stuttered out, looking around, his eyes doing everything they could to put two and two together.

           Tony jerked his head to look at Bucky, he was still holding Peter’s limp head up. “Did he hit his head?”

           “No, I caught him when he fell. I looked, no dilated pupils or bumps on the skull. I have no clue what’s going on.” He said, concern evident in his voice.

           “Kid, we’re at Midtown right now.” Peter blinked. Midtown. That was his school. Terror began to grip at his heart and Peter looked around him. He had walked these sidewalks for years. He had been going to midtown for four years, and now he couldn’t even recognize where he was.

           “What’s wrong with me?” He whispered. Saying it so quietly that only Tony heard. The man bent down, hands around Peter’s face, looking him dead in the eye.

           “I don’t know, buddy. But I am going to figure it out, okay. You just relax. We are going to get everything taken care of.” Peter just stared at him; eyes wide. Tony then stood up, one hand on Peter’s bicep and one on his forearm. Bucky also shifted around, doing the same on Peter’s left side. He was completely limp, muscles absolutely exhausted as he was pulled up. Peter’s legs were completely straight as he stood. Bucky and Tony were the only reason he wasn’t falling flat on his face.

           “Think you can walk, Kid?” Bucky asked from next to him. Peter grunted, moving his legs forward carefully. It was like he was being forced to walk through a mud pit, his limbs feeling as though they weighed thousands of pounds. He could see the car pulling up, a worried Steve and Clint watching him from the front seats. They leapt out, opening the door closest to the trio.

           “Hey, kid. You’re looking like you had a bit too much to drink.” Clint quipped as he helped bend Peter’s knees to get him into the seat, but Peter knew he was terrified. The more time you spent with Clint, the more you realized that his humor covered up all other emotions that he felt. Bucky slipped to the other side of the car, helping to pull Peter through.

           He leaned his head back, sinking into the leather seats as Tony and Bucky supported him on both sides, hands hovering as they wondered what to do. Suddenly a sharp pain jabbed into his thigh. Peter cried out, hunching over. Hands were on him immediately, sitting him back as he continued to cry out.

           “What’s going on?” Steve asked from the driver’s seat. Tony and Bucky were bracing Peter back, holding him up against the seat as he continued to squirm in pain.

           “I don’t know, just get us to Bruce!” Tony kind of yelled, the team just knew that whenever someone Tony loved was in harm’s way, he got like this. Tense, agitated, and quick to snap. But, no one cared. They all knew that it was only because he cared so deeply and couldn’t stand to see anyone he loved in pain. Strangled cries came from Peter’s mouth, and a hand quickly cupped the back of his head.

           “Kid, we are going to get all of this figured out. Hang on for us, alright? I think you’re having a muscle spasm right now, good ole’ Charly Horse, yeah? No big deal, guys that play football get em’ all the time. They hurt like a bitch, but just try and relax.” Bucky said as Peter just let his head go limp. He was so, so tired, everything around him seeming to sap every ounce of energy he had.

           “That’s a good idea. Kid, just try and close your eyes and relax, alright?” Peter grunted, whether in agreement or agitation he didn’t know. His eyes closed, but his mind stayed awake.

The conversations making less and less sense to him as he drifted somewhere else.

           “I don’t know what this is.” A panicked voice started.  “He’s been acting weird the past couple of weeks, losing his train of thought and stuff but, God, this? He just, he seems completely out of it. He didn’t know where we were, and I- God, if I didn’t know better it seems like the same thing that happened to my grandmother.” Tony said from beside him. Peter listened, but he didn’t hear.

           “Like what?” Steve asked from the front.

           “Like- I hate to say this…” Tony paused, obviously deep in thought. “It’s like Alzheimer’s”

           Peter woke up to Bucky and Tony pulling him carefully from the car. Natasha was holding a wheelchair in place, her normally placate face creased with worry at the sight of the teen who could hardly stand on his own. It as something straight from a nightmare.

           “Bruce is getting a room prepped for him. He wants to start him on an MRI scan first.” Her flat tone said, but her hand found Peter’s face and she gave him a soft stroke.

           “Can- can you guys, s-s-s…. quit talking about me. Like I’m not h- like I’m not here.” Every word felt like a struggle to get out. It was like his tongue had been twisted and tied and his brain was doing flips in his head. Like reaching into a bowl of random words, looking for one specific one. Natasha bends down at this as the men get Peter settled into the wheelchair.

           “Kid don’t worry. Bruce and Cho are the best out there, you know that. Whatever is going on with you, we will get it figured out.” Peter rarely saw Natasha look anything other than stone-faced, but right now, her eyes had an air of concern and gentleness that soothed his soul. He relaxed as he was wheeled into the tower.

           “How are you feeling, Pete?” Bruce asked when they made it to the med bay. The man looked concerned, but calm as Peter was helped to sit on the reclined hospital bed.

           “I don’t- I can’t- it’s…” He stopped, taking a deep breath. He couldn’t think. And he was going to go crazy. Before he realized what, he had done, Peter’s phone was laying on the floor, a mirage of broken glass.

           “Alright, alright. Listen, you just relax. We are going to take an MRI, I think it’s possible that you hit your head, and this is just a severe concussion, alright? I’m going to get this done as quickly as possible, you just relax. If you get uncomfortable or feel off just let me know.” Peter just nodded, his eyes hot with tears, finding Tony’s as the man stared at him with worry creasing his features.

           “M-m-may?” Peter stuttered out. Tony nodded, understanding completely.

           “Yeah, I know. I want to wait and see what Bruce says. She’s going to be sleeping right now. Once he lets us know what’s going on, we will give her a call.” Tony ruffled Peter’s hair as one of the nurse’s brought him a hospital gown.

           “I don’t think.” His voice stuttered. “I can’t do it a- a- by myself.” Tony, sad eyes and firm lined mouth, nodded.

           “I know. I’ve you kid. I’ve got you.”

           The MRI was torture for Tony. He stood, watching through the one-way glass, his heart in his throat. The kid had exploded, slamming his phone into the wall on the opposite side of the room with enough force for it to completely shatter. Tony and Bruce had held a brief conversation about a sedative, but since Peter had calmed down, they’d decided to hold off.

           “Tony.” Bruce’s voice was low, and he jerked his head to look at the man. Everyone else was somewhere in the tower, awaiting news. He had sent Happy to get May when Bruce relayed the fact that it would be wise. Something as serious as this, it wasn’t a physical issue. He hadn’t fallen from a building, or been slammed upside the head. This was neurological. And that was scarier than anything else that could’ve happened. Peter was laid out, looking utterly too still as he stared at the white machine above him.

           “Bruce.” Tony’s voice wavered, completely uncertain, and painstakingly terrified. He had risked everything; the team had risked _everything _for that kid. To stop Thanos, to save that boy. That boy who looked completely horrified and unaware of his body. Who was moving like an elderly person, whose brain could hardly place a thought. Tony could not lose him. Tony would _not _lose him. Not now, not ever.

           “I think we need to sit down.” Bruce said gravely. Those were the exact words he had dreaded hearing. Tony just continued to stare at the man. Bruce, who was hiding behind his glasses, his face white as a sheet. And Tony suddenly felt the urge to vomit.

           “Tell me.” He said, unable to say anything more without his voice breaking.

           “Let’s si-”

           “_Bruce.” _He said forcibly.

           “It’s, God, Tony it looks like…” He paused, rubbing his hands over his eyes. He looked

as though he were about to drop to the floor. “It doesn’t make sense, but it looks like- Frontotemporal Dementia.” His voice was a hush, hardly a whisper, but Tony just stared at him like he was a foreign language.

           “_Dementia? _Bruce, he-he’s eighteen. He doesn’t have Dementia!” Tony exclaimed, throwing his hands. Because no matter how much he argued the point, it wouldn’t matter. Because Bruce wouldn’t have said that if it couldn’t happen.

           “It’s rare, Tones. But, it’s the only type of Dementia that can affect young people, and… Tony I think that the advancement that the spider bite gave him… I think that it is working against him and speeding up the process. His symptoms started until last week, and it just doesn’t move this fast.” Bruce gestured to the kid. “This is- it’s moving too fast.” Tony took a deep breath, feeling as though he was underwater.

           “What’s going to happen?” His voice was deathly low, but Bruce heard.

           “It looks to be in a more advanced place. He’s going to have problems holding things, moving, walking. We need to be careful and watch that he doesn’t fall. It will become hard for him to eat, and drink, his muscles essentially will start cramping or seizing up, he won’t be able to move. He… it’s not fatal in itself. But, God-” Bruce’s head fell into his hands. “There’s essentially no way to keep him from getting pneumonia. He will stop being able to move, and when the body lays in one position like that, it just- it’s not good.” And Tony felt like he was dying. Right then and right there. And he grabbed Bruce’s arm, because he couldn’t stand up.

           “Tony, I need you to breathe.” Bruce’s voice filled his brain as Tony sank against the wall.

           “I can’t- Bruce- I can’t lose him.” Bruce kneeled in front of Tony.

           “I will figure this out. Be there for him. Don’t act like he’s dumb or missing something. Treat him as normally as you can. I want him to stay on the Floor with everyone until… as long as he can.” Bruce grimaced as he stood up. “I’m going to give you a minute, and I’m going to go

talk to Peter. Talk to his aunt. I won’t stop until I can find a way to fix this.”

           There were tears and denial from everyone. Peter didn’t understand half of what Bruce told him; he just knew that whatever was going on was bad. It was bad for him, and everyone around him was upset. Bruce promised to not stop trying. Whatever that meant.

           May was there. She was crying and kept holding his head to her chest. Peter was sat on the couch with a blanket up to his chest. Tony was standing in the kitchen, and he had been looking down at the same cup of coffee for the past twenty minutes. Peter blinked heavily, his head dropping towards his chest.

           “Why don’t you take a nap, Pete?” May’s voice was soft as she played with his hair. Peter did feel exhausted. He leaned his head against her arm.

           “It’s like-like a …” He couldn’t think.

           “It’s okay, just relax right now, baby.”

           “It’s like a storm.” He muttered. May tilted her head, looking at him with tears rimming her eyes.

           “What?” His eyes were closed as he released a deep breath. He felt Tony’s hand on his hair, and he sighed.

           “This. ‘s like a storm.”

           It only got worse. Tony had called in every single doctor he could think of. He had called in Cho, Strange, even doctors from Thor’s world. No one could find a cure. Tony was sat with Peter today. May had a double shift at the hospital, and he had Peter duty. The kid was staring at the television. Nothing hurt Tony more than the silence from his kid. Peter had always been the chipper, chatting one. He was the one that was talking when Tony had been anxious or stressed about something. Now, Peter hardly spoke. The dementia was progressing faster than any of them had been ready for. The kid could hardly speak without stuttering. He was constantly confused, and he could hardly eat or drink anything, choking to the point that they had put in a feeding tube and he was now connected to an IV of fluids at all times.

           Tony looked at the kid, biting his lip as he bent his head, doing everything he could to hold back a sob. Peter’s face was void of any emotion as he sat, and Tony couldn’t handle it anymore. He needed an ounce of recognition, a hint of a smile.

           “Hey, Pete. Do you want to go outside? I’ll take you for a stroll?” Peter made eye contact with Tony before offering a stiff nod. “Alright. Let me grab you a jacket and the wheelchair.” Peter just stared back at the television as Tony pushed himself off the couch. The kid hadn’t been able to eat much before the feeding tube, and even with it he was losing weight, which meant he was always freezing. As Tony walked from the hallway with the items, he needed his heart dropped.

           “Pete!” He raced forward, the teen lying face down on the ground, trying and failing to push himself up, the IV had been ripped from his arm. Tony grabbed him and got him in a sitting position. “Are you hurt?” The boy just stared at him; no recognition is his eyes. Tony felt his blood running cold. “Peter, are you hurt?” He pronounced each word very bluntly, but the boy shook his head, his body shaking slightly.

           “Need’d you.” He forced out from his locked jaw. Tony grinned, knowing it didn’t reach his eyes.

           “That’s okay, kiddo. I’ve got you.” He managed to get Peter into the wheelchair, tucking the sweatshirt he grabbed, which just so happened to be his MIT one, over the boy’s head before slipping the IV back into the teen’s arm. He decided to tuck a blanket around the kid as well, making sure he stayed warm.

           It was dark out, and the lights of the city blinked at the two of them. Peter’s favorite spot was on the roof, looking over New York. They hadn’t talked about spider-man since Peter got sick, but he knew the kid missed it drastically, could see it in the boy’s face.

           “M’ scared.” Tony looked down, seeing tears in the kid’s eyes. He knelt next to him, touching the boy’s face gently.

           “It’s going to be okay, Pete.” Heart being torn from his chest.

           “Miss it.” A tear dropped down his cheek and Tony’s thumb caught it.

           “I know. I know you do.” He needed a cure, God let Bruce find a cure.

           “M’ lost, T’ny.” And that did it. It was a sledgehammer straight to his heart. Tony’s calloused hands cupped the teens face, and his distant eyes focused in.

           “You’re not lost. It just feels like you are. Bruce isn’t- we aren’t going to let you go somewhere that we can’t follow.” Each word dripped with emotion. Peter nodded. He was more coherent right now than he had been in the past several days, and Tony was soaking it all in. He pulled the kid from the chair, sitting both of them on a couch that he had set up outside, just for these moments. He grabbed a blanket and pulled a hat on Peter’s head for him. The two sat, listening to the soft music that FRIDAY had turned on, and for a second- one split second- everything was normal.

           Then Peter coughed.

           Ton sat at the table of the commons room, staring at his food and trying to force himself to eat. May was with Peter and Cho, working on finding a way to bring his fever down. Let’s just say, when Peter got sick, he got sick violently. He was coughing up a lung and you could read the discomfort in every labored breath he took. What had the medical team so worried, was the levels of his fever. The kid was racked with chills, and his fever was verging on 104, and Tony ached to see the kid’s hazy eyes.

           He felt a presence behind him and looked up. Helen stood, looking exhausted as she watched him.

           “How is he?” Tony knew, but he still dreamed that he would ask that question and it would be, _He’s healed, Tony! _And he would never have to let the kid get out of his sight again.

           “Not good.” Cho sat, sipping the tea that she held. “I don’t know how much longer he has, to be honest with you.” Tony felt his entire chest darken, running a hand over his mouth.

           “How did this happen? No one in his family showed signs of it, Helen! I looked into his family’s medical records; they show nothing like this! Not a single one of them had anything close to dementia or Alzheimer’s, and I’m just supposed to expect that this is completely random?” He dropped his face into his hands.

           “I wasn’t going to tell you this, because nothing came of it.” Cho looked down. “When Peter first came in and we took his blood, there were… abnormalities in it. A strange chemical mixture that I couldn’t quite make out.” Tony sat up straighter. “I still have the sample, and I’ve been looking into it, but nothing has come of it. If it were-” She stopped herself looking down, and a burning anger filled his chest.

           “If it were what?” She bit her lip.

           “It was foul play,” and his breath was torn away from him. “then it wouldn’t matter right now, because I haven’t been able to curate a way to stop this anyways, and I’ve been trying. I had Natasha looking back to see if Peter ever got hit with any kind of dart or injected with anything, she’s been looking since he came in last week but nothing’s come up.” Tony’s hands were shaking as he watched her. “I- the pain he’s in… I need to start him on Morphine.” Tony felt his chest tightening.

           “Morphine is a death sentence.” He choked out, unable to breath.

           “It- it doesn’t look good. He’s in pain right now. His body is shutting down and he’s sick. I’ll give you until the end of the day, but Tony- I won’t let him suffer any longer than that.” She said firmly, as Tony stared at the wall in front of him.

           “I will fund whatever you need. I will get you every scientist in the world. Get my boy back.” He stood, completely abandoning the food on the table.

           “Where are you going?”

           “I’ve got a very unlucky person out there waiting for me to hunt them down. Someone did this to my kid, I just know it. I have to find them. I have to do something.”

           He took Clint, Natasha, and Bucky with him. He needed to be sure that he had a team of people willing to do whatever it took to get this son of a bitch. Tony had scoured every ounce of footage from Peter’s suit, and he had found it. There was a man that Peter had fought, of course he had won, but the man had gotten a small cut onto Peter. Of course, the kid hadn’t thought anything of it, but as Tony had FRIDAY read into who the man was, he found out that he was a scientist from OSCorp, and there was no way that he was completely innocent.

           They had found his home and waited until nighttime. When they ambushed, it had only taken Natasha three and a half minutes to get the cure from him. Tony had already called SHIELD. Whenever the psycho, who said he wanted to see how Peter’s Spider DNA reacted to the Dementia, got out of the hospital, he would be in prison for a very very long time.

           Tony raced back to the tower, stopping in his tracks when he heard May weeping. _I’m too late. _He thought to himself. Peter was dying a terrible, painful death, and he was too late. Bruce came sprinting around the corner, his face pale and sweating.

           “Please tell me he-”

           “Not yet, but God- I would never give him something like this without testing it, but we don’t have time. I just pray that it kick starts his healing factor, because. Well, I’m not going to lie to you, without it he doesn’t have long. His fever is too high and with the way his muscles are shutting down, he’s losing his ability to clear his airway by coughing. Helen’s going to administer Morphine in twenty minutes if this does nothing.” Tony gave the man the vial and followed as they raced to the room, ignoring the growing shaking of his hands.

           May was weeping, Her face laying in Peter’s hand on the bed. The ventilator hissed as it did everything it could to do the job his lungs couldn’t. His face was ghastly pale, the bags under his eyes dark enough to look racoon-ish. He looked so thin, and weak. Tony hated it. He hated every second of seeing his kid look like this.  

           “Okay, Peter. If you can hear me, we have something to give you.” Helen said from where she entered the room behind Tony. May looked up, tear stained eyes that held a haunted hope. Because if this didn’t work- they knew the outcome.

           Helen prepped the needle and walked to the port in his left arm. She bent her head down, saying a quick prayer. Tony did the same. She inserted the honey-looking liquid in. And they waited. Nothing happened.

           The respirator hissed. The pulse ox beeped, dangerously low, and the heart monitor seemed to be counting down the seconds. Everything seemed to slow down drastically, as Tony rubbed his hand over the boy’s forehead, hand gripping his kid’s tightly.

           Then doe brown eyes slipped open. And they held more recognition and love in them than Tony had seen in weeks. And he thought his knees would buckle.

           Tony gripped the boy’s hand, staying out of Cho and Bruce’s way. They began examining him, giving him his pain medications that would work now that his metabolism was working again. The boy may at least be awake, but he was still sick. His metabolism working the way it was, had him beginning to fight the ventilator that he was on, and Tony put a placating hand on his shoulder, steadying the kid best he could. “We’ve got you Pete, we’ve got you.” He said over and over as the boy squeezed his hand, brown eyes blown wide. He knew this would be terrifying. He knew Peter would have a long road of recovering ahead of him, but they could do this.    

           By the time Cho and Bruce left, Peter was falling back asleep with exhaustion. The respirator would stay in until his lungs cleared, which, with his healing rates, shouldn’t take longer than a couple of days.

           May had stepped out to go shower when the boy fell back asleep, Tony having promised to stay with him. He had pulled a chair closer to the teen’s bed, tucking a blanket into his lap as he waited for the boy to wake up.

           “I missed you, kiddo. God, I was terrified.” He whispered as he sat, running his fingers through the boy’s hair. He hadn’t expected the kid to wake up with the amount of drugs he was on, but he felt the hand tightening around his own.

           Soft brown eyes forced themselves open, and Peter was looking at him, trust filling his eyes, and Tony knew he would never again take him for granted. “Hey kid.” Peter’s hand tightened on Tony’s. The man leaned forward, shushing Peter gently as he blinked. “Just rest, Pete. I’ll be here when you wake up. I’ll be here for the rest of your life. Whenever you need me.” Peter had tears in his eyes, and Tony just hushed him once more, running his thumb across the boy’s cheek. “You’re not lost anymore, Pete. We found you.” He closed his eyes as Tony continued playing with his hair. “We found you.”

[agustdef]

Here & Now - Chapter 9

Pairing: Yoongi x OC

Genre: Fluff; Chill romance

Word Count: 2,436

Warning: None.

Banner Marker: @dee-ehn​

I’d washed my hair a day earlier than I planned to and I had so many regrets. I was rocking a wash n’ go and the hair in front of my face hadn’t been trimmed enough when I got it done; not having cut it in its natural state was a mistake. So when my curls blocked my eye one too many times I ended up groaning and forcing all of it into a ponytail holder.

“I swear I’m just going to shave it all off,” I muttered to myself.

A scoff drew my attention to Namjoon, who was sitting beside Yoongi at his computer. “You’ve been threatening that for two years. Not happening.”

Glaring at him I faked like I was going to throw a pillow at him, which caused him to dodge and hit his leg on the table - hard.

I laughed so hard that it became hard to breathe, his groan of pain and curses making it worse.

“That’s what you get for not letting me lie to myself in peace,” I choked out between wheezing.

When I finally reined myself in Joon was still rubbing his thigh and muttering under his breath. Yoongi seemed to be back with us and not absorbed in his work with headphones on. He was shaking his head and looking between us.

Over the hours we’d been in his studio he’d been forced to endure my antics and then when Joon appeared it gotten worse. We tended to bicker like siblings and though we knew when to stop, we also knew how far we could go and get away with it.

He’d only threatened to kick us both out once. Joon had received the warning about three times and had been forcibly removed once.

Even though Joon hitting his thigh again almost sent me into another fit I refrained, Yoongi’s screen drawing my attention.

“So, can we hear it now?” I asked.

“You can’t,” Namjoon muttered.

That time I actually threw the pillow at him, but he caught it. It left both of us surprised and him, looking a little more smug than he had been before.

Rolling my eyes I turned my attention back to Yoongi. He shook his head and pointed to Joon. “What he said.”

“Why is this the only song that I’m not allowed to hear? I’ve heard and worked on all the others.”

Both of the jerks looked at each other, having some silent conversation before turning back to me.

“Because it wasn’t going to be there before and it’s almost perfect how it is. Plus I want it to be a surprise. I don’t know why you keep asking me when I’ll say no.”

I yawned halfway through his little speech.

“See, you don’t even have the energy to argue with me. Just let it go,” he said, wearing a smirk I’d started to hate.

I wanted to wipe the smugness of both of their faces, but then I released another yawn. Tired was setting in and when I glanced at the clock on the wall I knew why. It was almost 1:30 am. We’d been in the studio since 5 pm.

Getting up sounded horrible, but I knew I had things to do tomorrow. I’d be running around a lot for work and for things with friends I had in South Korea. Some sleep was a must.

Joon followed my eyes to the clock and cursed, getting up.

“We have schedules tomorrow and recording to do. We need to sleep,” he said.

Yoongi looked like he was going to argue, but his mouth closed as quickly as he opened. Turning back to the screen he continued to fiddle with whatever he was doing, which just made Joon roll his eyes.

Another yawn pushed through and I knew that I’d have to leave or I’d end up asleep on his studio. Carefully I rose up, giving my legs the time to adjust after being under me for so long. My stretching produced many cracking sounds, which made Joon cringe and brought Yoongi’s attention back to us.

As I gathered my things he looked at me with a raised brow.

“I have too much to do tomorrow to pull an all-nighter. So I’m going to go,” I said.

For a moment he continues to stare, but then suddenly turns back to his computer. Joon was already halfway out the door, waving to me as he took his leave.

With my bookbag on I turn towards Yoongi, who is staring me down.

“Are you staying here?” I asked.

His lips purse for a moment and then he yet again turns to his computer without a word. Instead of working though I watch him save his work - to several things - and then shut everything down.

A few minutes later we both have all of our stuff and are heading to the entrance. Whipping out my phone I go to request a taxi, but before I can get far he takes the phone from my hand and exits the app.

Brow raised I let him lead me out front to the one van left for the evening. Then before I could ask anything he was helping me inside and getting in behind me.

When a minute had passed with just staring at him he stared back and gestured towards the driver. Snapping out of my trance I relayed the address of my apartment and buckled in just as we started moving.

“A taxi would have sufficed.”

“You’re going the same way as me, it wasn’t a problem,” he responded nonchalantly.

There was no reason to argue with him, plus it saved me having to wait and endure and an awkward taxi ride. I wasn’t in the mood to possibly deal with someone who was talkative.

The entire twenty-minute ride we stayed in silence, both messing with our phones. As we got closer I went to put my phone down and noticed Yoongi angle his away from me. Turning my head I narrowed my eyes on him, but he didn’t glance my way and tilted the screen so I couldn’t see it.

“Did you just take a picture of me?”

“No.”

Rolling my eyes I drop it and unbuckle, we’d pulled upfront. I slide my bag back on and hop out of the car. Waving to him as I go.

“Bye dork.”

Once inside I stripped down and jumped into the shower. I didn’t feel like wasting time, just wanted to get into my bed. Once dried and dressed with a bonnet atop my freshly twisted hair I threw myself on the bed.

My eyes fluttered closed and I felt like I was going under, but thirty minutes later they were upon and I was very awake. The tiredness from earlier was gone, but also still lingered; teasing me about the sleep I wasn’t getting.

Again I tried to sleep, but another half an hour and I gave up. Grabbing my phone from where it sat on my dresser I unlocked it and went to Twitter. My “business” one was lacking, even though most people I knew were very awake and posting. Switching to my stan account I was bombarded with a flurry of comeback announcements and photos of groups I stanned or at least liked.

I scrolled through the feed, liking things, retweeting a few and removing all the posts arguing against someone trying to start another dumb fan war. They were always stupid, because they were between the fans and trying to bring down artists or pit them against their own friends and/or fellow artists who had no ill will towards each other.

The night was riddled with claims of copying and I was having none of it.

Not wanting to feed into it I stumbled upon a comeback announcement for 1Team that I’d been waiting for and quote tweeted it with an all caps caption about my excitement.

Two minutes after the post my phone dinged and a text from Yoongi came through.

Thought you had too much to do?

For a moment I was confused, but then I remembered that he had a secret Twitter account. I’d only found out about it when he’d brought something up in conversation that I’d only posted on my stan Twitter account.

Why are you lurking on my account?

A few seconds passed and then in came a response. I’m not. I just got the notification.

Oh… you have my notifs on? I sent, actually shocked.

Minutes pass and nothing, so I assume he’s fallen asleep or refusing to deal with me. The second I went to sit my phone down a call came through, a glance at the screen told me it was Yoongi and that it was a video call.

Answering it I roll onto my stomach and use the ring on the back to prop it up on my phone. It being overtly firm working to keep it stable.

“Yes, I have them on.” They’re the first words he says before he comes into view. His hair slightly wet, probably from a shower and his face bare.

“Aw, that’s so cute. Trying to make sure you’re the only one I’m gushing about online?” I teased.

He rolled his eyes, using his free hand to push his hair out of his face. There was some shuffling and then he was lying back on a pillow, free arm behind his head.

“Why are you up?” he asked.

A yawn escaped the moment I tried to talk, which made him look at me weird.

“Contrary to the sound I just made, I can’t sleep. I’ve been laying here for over an hour trying.” Sighing, I ran a hand over my face in frustration. “Why are you up?”

“Had an idea before I got to bed,” he admitted.

Without a thought, I felt my face shift and a look of disapproval form. Before I could say anything though he cut me off.

“I know. I should have gone straight to sleep. I couldn’t risk forgetting though. You know that feeling?”

He made a valid point, and since I knew all too well that I spent three hours writing two nights ago I let him have that one.

Another sigh and I laid on my back, staring at the ceiling and hoping to sleep. Sleep felt so close, but every time I felt I’d finally slip away it left me. I wanted to scream.

“Why Sailor V?” Yoongi asked.

“Hm?” I asked, feeling momentarily dazed. Shaking my head I collected myself and recalled the question. “Oh. Sailor Moon was the first anime I saw as a kid and my favorite TV show. And most think the V is because Sailor Venus is my favorite, which is completely false. Mercury owns my heart.”

“So what is the V for?”

“My mother almost named me Vanessa.”

Yoongi laughed and I turned my head so I could see him.

“Vanessa,” he said carefully as if testing it out. “What changed?”

Pursing my lips I abruptly shifted positions again, turning on my side and propping my head up with my hand. “Hmm… she held me and as my grandpa was about to tell the nurse my predetermined name she called me Kendall instead. Said it felt right.”

Yoongi’s face didn’t change much, but I could see the usual look of curiosity that peaked in people. I knew what question he was going to ask next.

“You’re other parent just accepted that?”

That phrasing made me pause. No one usually asked it like that, they always implied the father role. It was interesting to hear the acknowledgment of possibly having not a father. He was still wrong though.

“I’m the sole daughter of a woman who didn’t want a relationship. She didn’t want to be with anyone, she dated but didn’t truly care for it. But she wanted a kid and could afford to go to a clinic to make it happen. It’s the kind of life that made her happy.”

Again Yoongi’s face didn’t change much, he just nodded his head and pursed his lips. After a second or two he spoke up again.

“What’s that like? I assume you still had a normal childhood,” he said.

“Yup. Pretty much. Mom, my three uncles and then her two best friends who were also basically family. They all alternated the father-daughter events or my mom would come. It felt normal. Even though others would swear not having an actual dad must have made it such a lacking childhood.” Sarcasm dripped from my every word as I got to the last bit.

“They’re idiots.”

“Agreed.”

We just stared at each other, neither breaking eye contact. And for once I didn’t feel like panicking and looking away quickly as I usually did with prolonged staring; it made me uncomfortable most of the time.

“Favorite color?” he asked.

“Dark gray and cyan.”

“Cyan?”

“It’s a shade of blue.”

“Ah. Food?”

“Steak, something you know already.”

“Movie?”

“Between Sailor Moon SuperS and Fast Five.”

“Anime.”

“Sailor Moon… and Hellsing Ultimate.”

“Cartoon?”

“Scooby-Doo.”

“TV show?”

“Veronica Mars.”

He paused for a second, brow raised. “What is that?”

The offense that overtook my body was strong even though I knew it wasn’t a show that he would have seen growing up.

“Alexa,” I called out, waiting for the little noise to happen. “Add Veronica Mars to the ‘Yoongi needs to watch’ list.”

“Adding Veronica Mars to ‘Yoongi need to watch’ list,” she parroted back.

When I glanced back and Yoongi he looked shocked, but the smirk he wore told me he was amused. “A list?”

“Yes, there are many things that need to be rectified with you movie and television wise.” I shrugged, a smile threatening the corners of my lips.

The longer we just looked at each other, the harder it was not to smile. Eventually, we both gave in and it was nice a calm and comfortable silence.

“Okay. I get to ask the questions now,” I said after a few minutes passed.

Yoongi groaned and rolled his eyes.

“Hey! Don’t be rude, you just bombarded me with questions.”

He took one look at my face and sighed. “Okay, okay. Stop pouting and ask.”

“Good. So, I’d like to discuss seventeen-year-old audition tape Yoongi’s sense of style and hairstyling choices.”

He groaned, throwing his head back and I hold in my laughter.

After he finally justified his life choices we spent way too much time just asking random questions. When we woke up in the morning, I couldn’t recall when exactly we’d fallen asleep.

[plaincrispz]

twenty-five-year-old man threatens internet with ‘blog’ and ‘immediate pivot to video’

I was going to open this post with the sentence ‘I’m pretty sure I have a mental illness’. This is funny because I undoubtedly have a mental illness (maybe several!). But the one I’m referring to here is that I simply cannot stop buying video games on Steam and then not playing them. The list below is 92 items long and by my reckoning I am /done/ with about seven of the games on it (and I didn’t even play Chrono Trigger on Steam, I played it on my DS in 2010 and then bought it simply because it was like $5 and my understanding of the value of money is apparently extremely limited. My DS copy is in a drawer about two metres away from where I am typing out this post.).

There are several reasons why this list of games I’ve bought and barely played is so long! But there are also several counterpoints as to why I am going to defeat these reasons in hand-to-hand combat. 

The first reason is that for the past... two years (or more) I have been deeply obsessed with the bad video game Overwatch. I’ve played it for more than a thousand hours! That’s a lot of hours! You might be thinking ‘but hey, Michael, buddy, didn’t the beta for Overwatch 2 just come out?! How are you going to stop playing Overwatch? I personally have no faith in you! I would spit on you in the street!’ and that’s fair enough. The main reason I’m going to stop playing (read: probably still play a couple of times a week because it’s like crack to me) is because the game is simply ‘not very fun’ at the moment. The developers made changes that make the game feel like playing a deathmatch mode in Call of Duty and if I wanted to play that I would straight up just play Call of Duty instead. My feelings about this specific issue could quite literally go on for upwards of ten thousand words so I will simply leave this reason as ‘Overwatch 2 currently sucks and it bums me out to play it’ for now! 

The reason the list is so long in the first place is because -- and this may shock you -- I really like video games. So much so that I’m at university to learn how to make my own. For a while, out of some weird shame, I told myself that it was a story thing -- I only liked video games as a medium to tell stories. I mean, I do like them as a storytelling medium, but what I like more are things like the gliding mechanic in A Short Hike, the representation of using the internet in 2008-2011 in Emily is Away, and the need to be both frantic and precise when running through a level in Neon White. The list is so long because I want to play a huge variety of games -- I don’t want to lock myself into only playing one game (anymore). Making video games is a creative pursuit, obviously, and like a lot of creative pursuits the best ideas are born from consuming media widely. If you want to write well, you need to be reading from a wide variety of sources. To make anything you need to know what’s possible. I have every intention of playing through every game on this list to whatever constitutes completion -- or to develop an actual reason why I don’t want to play it anymore. 

This brings me to the overarching point of this blog. I’ve had to make some videos for school recently, and I’d never really done that before. I found the process pretty compelling. A lot of the video game content I like watching on YouTube falls in the middle (or at least feels like it does) of fully scripted and completely off the cuff -- sort of bouncing off of major talking points about a game, but not being afraid to stray away on a tangent. I also want to start streaming more consistently (rather than an average of like twice a year...) and this is a pretty good excuse to do just that. 

I also just chucked all of these items into a random picker website and it chose Moonglow Bay as my first game. Tomorrow (the 5th of July, also known as ‘America’s Hangover’(i think)) at like 10am AEST time I’m gonna stream the first few hours of the game over at twitch.tv/catslikeplaincrisps. Maybe I’ll even post about it on my social media channels! Wow!

The Big Con

The Binding of Isaac: Rebirth

Bloons TD 6

A Boy and His Blob

Braid

Brendan Keogh’s Putting Challenge 

Cave Story

Celeste

Chrono Trigger

Cloudpunk

Control

Costume Quest

Cyberpunk 2077

Death Stranding

Death’s Door

Deep Rock Galactic

Dicey Dungeons

Disco Elysium

Disgaea 1

Divinity: Original Sin II

Doki Doki Literature Club 

Donut County

Doom

Elder Scrolls V

Emily is Away

Enslaved

Final Fantasy IV

Final Fantasy XV

Firewatch

Florence

Frog Detective

Frog Detective 2

FTL

Gato Roboto

Gunfire Reborn

Hades

Half Life

Half Life 2

Hollow Knight

Hotline Miami

I Am Dead

Ikenfell

Katamari Damacy

Lake

Left 4 Dead

Left 4 Dead 2

Metal Gear Solid V

Minit

Mirror’s Edge

Moonglow Bay 

Moonlighter

N++

Necrobarista

Neon White

Nier Automata

No Longer Home

Omori

Ori and the Will of the Wisps

Outer Wilds

Oxenfree

Persona 4 Golden

Pine

Portal

Portal 2

Risk of Rain 2

Rumu

Sam and Max Save the World

Saturday Morning RPG

Scarlet Nexus

A Short Hike

Slay the Spire

Spelunky 2

Starbound

Stardew Valley

Streets of Rogue

Super Meat Boy

Super Meat Boy Forever

Tacoma

Tales of Symphonia

Terraria

Thomas Was Alone

Titanfall 2

Umurangi Generation

Undertale

Valheim

Void Bastards

Wargroove

We Happy Few

Webbed

Wilmot’s Warehouse

Witcher 3

Yakuza 0 

[andinewton]

Born To Be King - Avengers Redemption Series - Part Three - Chapter 2

Characters: Loki, Sigyn;  pretty much everyone from the MCU appears at some point!

Pairings: Loki x Sigyn; Bucky x Amelia

Warnings: Smut, canon typical violence, swearing

Word Count: 60k + (complete with ongoing epilogues)

Summary:

He never wanted the throne...

Loki's life seems to be charmed of late. His dead wife has been reborn and has married him once more, they have beautiful twin boys, and they are working and living with The Avengers. The only blot on his otherwise perfect landscape is the constant friction Odin seems to be able to cause with one simple request delivered by Thor. Odin wishes to meet the twins but will not cancel Loki's banishment, allowing him to travel to Asgard with his wife and children. Loki finally caves but has a sense of foreboding about the trip which proves to be all too true...Join Loki, Sigyn and the team as they fight to find one another against all odds and protect their sons from those who would have them as their kings.

Master list

Chapter 2

Summary:  Darcy and Sigyn’s lady date is ruined.

‘So you’re going to Asgard tomorrow for old Odin to meet the scamps?’  Darcy asked as she stirred her coffee.

‘Just Vali.  Narvi is still sniffling.’  Sigyn admitted.

‘My poor baby.’  Darcy said before she licked her spoon.  ‘Do you think he’ll let you take any photos?’

‘Maybe.’  She narrowed her eyes suspiciously at Darcy.  ‘I don’t know how Odin would feel about being plastered all over the world wide web though.’

‘Ask him.  If he says no I won’t post anything, but you have to get some for the family album.’

‘I will, I promise.’  Sigyn smiled, knowing Darcy was referring to the beautiful album she had started of memories for the couple.  She sat back in her chair with her coffee held in both hands, the bustle of the coffee shop a welcome respite from the isolation brought on by having a sick child.

‘And you think Loki will cope with Narvi on his own when he’s ill?  Because that kid has serious grumpy pants right now.’  Darcy waved her danish at her.

‘That’s why I’m here with you now.’  She smiled slightly.  ‘Test run.  If Loki and Thor can’t manage without me for a few hours then I won’t go until Narvi is better.  Odin will just have to wait.  It helps to know Auntie Darcy will be on hand though.’

‘Damn right I am.  And Odin’s waited this long.’  Darcy shrugged.  ‘Not happily, but he has.’

‘I know he wanted to meet the boys before now, but it’s taken this long to get Loki to agree, and Odin didn’t exactly ask to meet them as soon as they were born.’

‘He’s missed so much already.  Rolling over, first solids, sitting up.’  Darcy had become a full time fixture at The Tower since the birth of the twins, aiding Jane remotely when she needed to, she just didn’t want to miss anything and Sigyn appreciated it as she had no family of her own nearby.

‘His sons’ reaction to their first dirty diaper.’  Sigyn smirked at the memory.  Thor had wanted to help, Loki had wanted to try on his own as the doting father, and both had ended up retching over the sink.  It was hilarious.  Thankfully they had quickly got over the initial shock and were now both absolute professionals.  ‘He would have been so proud.’

‘I am still sorry I didn’t get that on video.’  Darcy grinned.  ‘The Asgardian Avengers with weak stomachs.’  They both laughed and Sigyn sipped her coffee before putting it on the table and picking up her cookie.  The homemade treats here were amazing, and although it was a bit of a trek, almost all the way to Queens to find this little gem of a cafe, Sigyn agreed with Darcy it was totally worth it.

‘It’s weird being out without them.’  She admitted.  ‘All of them, Lo included.’

‘I keep telling you, you need to stretch the apron strings, just a little.  You’re more than a mommy and a wife.  When was the last time you went on a mission?’

Sigyn thought for a moment.  ‘I guess it was the bomb scare on the subway.’

‘Two months ago, and right on the doorstep.’  She shook her head.  ‘That’s not a mission, that was a spot check.  You need to get back on the horse, Sigy.  Make hot mischief man stay home with the bubbas from time to time.  You’re just as valuable a member of the team as he is.’

‘It’s not that I’m not allowed to go, I don’t feel right leaving the boys, not when we don’t know how long the mission might be.  Loki understands that, which is why he’s been doing the overnight missions.’  She explained.  ‘I think it’s a hormone thing.’

‘Hormones suck.’  Darcy complained around her bite of danish.  ‘Only reason I believe God might be a man is because we have so much more shit to put up with as women.’

‘I’ll drink to that.’  Sigyn toasted her with her cup.

‘When you get back from Asgard we have to have another girls night.  We’re way overdue and our lounge is getting dusty.’

‘I’d like that.  And Amelia promised to make peanut butter krispies for the next one.’

‘Oh they are awesome, I forgot that she said that.  Speaking of sweet treats that go straight to my hips, can you bring me back some of those little coated cherries from Asgard that Sif got me for my birthday?  Damn things are addictive.’

Sigyn laughed.  ‘Sure thing.’

‘Nice.’

‘Hey, Darce?’  Sigyn said, looking across the room.

’S’up?’  She said as she pushed the last of her danish in her mouth.

‘I think the guy on the stool in the corner is eyeing you up.’

‘Is he cute?’  She sprayed the table with crumbs and Sigyn covered her mouth with her hand to hide her laugh.

‘I guess, in a non god of mischief kind of way.’  She shrugged.  ‘Dark blonde, brown eyes, and oh shit he’s coming over.’  She grabbed her cup and was suddenly very interested in its contents as she took a drink.

‘What do I say?’  Darcy said with her hand over her lips as she was still chewing.

‘Nothing until your mouth is empty.’  Sigyn hissed as the guy reached the table and smiled up at him.

‘Excuse me, ladies?’  He looked between them.  He was handsome enough, for a regular guy, and smiled warmly at them.  ‘I don’t normally do this, but have we met before?’  He looked directly at Sigyn who choked on her coffee.

She shook her head.  ‘No, I don’t think so.’

‘But you’re so familiar, I feel like I already know you.’  He raised an eyebrow and his smile became, well, kind of creepy, actually.  ‘Maybe we met in a previous life.’

‘Oh shit, this is hilarious!’  Darcy laughed as she picked up her phone off the table and started filming him.  ‘Okay, keep talking because I want to see you crash and burn.’

The man gave her a confused look before turning the charm back on with Sigyn.  ‘Do you believe in fate?’

‘Actually, yes.’  Sigyn leant back in her seat again, her cup back on the table.

The man regained the sparkle in his eyes and pulled up a chair.  ‘I think my fate has brought me to you.’  He reached for her hand and she took it out of his reach.

‘Yeah, no, I don’t think it did.’  She held up her other hand to show him her wedding ring.  ‘Fate already furnished me with true love.’

The man gave a small defeated smile before turning to Darcy.  ‘And what has fate done for you?’

‘Given me a great rack and an amazing sense of humour.  You had better be in a different zip code when her husband sees this, because he’s the irrational jealous type.’

He opened his mouth to reply when there was an almighty crash from the street outside, the window shaking and everyone jumping, some screaming.  People started running in one direction down the street, yelling and shouting, and Sigyn sighed as she pulled a hair band off her wrist and stood as she bundled her hair back into a high ponytail.  ‘Darce, call The Tower.’  She said as she called up her armour and sword followed by the standard issue earpiece, slotting it in with a practiced hand.

‘I knew I’d seen you before!’  The man pointed at her as she walked around him.

‘Then you might also remember who my husband is.’  She said with a wink and was amused to see him swallow as she walked away.

‘Repeat, we have an attack of unknown origin close to Flushing Meadows Corona Park.  All available agents state their location and ETA.’  Came an operators voice through her earpiece

‘Sigyn here, I’m not far from there.  Will radio back when I’m on the scene.’  She stated as she reached the curb to find people frantically running away from what looked like a plume of smoke emitting from the centre of the street, almost filling all the lanes and at least fifteen feet high. ‘Okay, turns out I’m actually already there.’

‘Cherry Bomb,’ Stark’s voice came over the comm, ‘I’m five minutes from your location.  What do you have?’

‘A huge blossom of smoke that could be hiding anything and,’ she turned as she sensed movement above and behind her in time to see a red and blue streak swing between buildings, ‘your little spider boy is here.’

‘He doesn’t like to be called boy.’  Tony replied.

‘No boy ever does.’  She muttered as he disappeared into the fog.  ‘He’s gone straight in, just so you know.  What do you want me to do?’

‘Stay back!’  That was Loki’s voice and she rolled her eyes.

‘You aren’t even at The Tower!’  She reminded him he was at the compound with the boys and Thor.

‘No, but it does not take much to patch into the comms.’  Came his worried reply.  ‘Wait for backup, love.’

‘Smoke is clearing.’  She replied as she continued towards what she could only assume was an impact site.  ‘Going to help it along.’

‘Four minutes.’  Stark informed her.

She didn’t reply, instead she concentrated on her sorcery and called up a breeze strong enough to clear the air, just in time to see five ten foot humanoids get to their feet from a kneeling position.  ‘Shit, we have five Frost Giants!  Repeat, five Frost Giants!’

‘Love, get out of there!’  Loki yelled, feeling helpless as he was so far away.

‘If you’re not going to be helpful get off the comms!’  She retorted.

‘Damn, be careful!’  He said, realising she was going into this fight anyway.  ‘Make sure you are in full armour, gloves and all, do not let them touch your skin as it will burn you!’

‘Everyone got that?’  Tony asked and there were several other voices added to the equation, and she recognised Steve, Bucky, Nat and Clint, at the very least.

‘What are they doing, Red?’

‘Looking around.’

‘And where’s Spider-Man?’

‘I can’t see him, he may have passed them, gone around, no, wait, there he is.’  She watched as he swung back through the group, firing webs at the knees of the giants.  ‘He’s not bad.’

‘He’s twelve.’  Bucky’s voice came over the comms.  ‘Kid has no right being in combat.’

‘He’s twelve?’  Sigyn asked in horror as she called power to her hands as the last of the civilians nearby ran past her.

‘He’s not twelve.’  Tony replied.  ‘Three minutes.  His voice has broken and everything.’

‘Doesn’t make it any better.’  Bucky replied.

The Frost Giant closest to Sigyn spotted her, not hard with her hands glowing golden amber, and pointed to her, the rest of them turning to face her, those effected ripping the webs away easily.

‘Okay, engaging with targets.’  She stated as she stepped forward.

‘What did I say?’  Loki yelped.

‘You said be careful, which is why I’m going to try talk to them first.’

‘Oh, this ought to go well.’  Steve’s voice came through her ear and she fought back a smile.  She wasn’t convinced it was a great idea either but she couldn’t attack when their intentions were yet unclear.

‘My name is Sigyn of Asgard, state your business on Midgard.’  She said loudly, knowing her status as the Goddess of Fidelity would have more impact with them than that of an Avenger.

‘Sigyn of Asgard?’  The one on the left said, quirking his head to one side curiously as the others shared a look.

‘State your purpose here or leave peacefully.’  She ordered and she heard Tony chuckle.

‘She’s using her teacher voice again.’

‘We come in search.’

‘Of?’

Spider-Man chose that moment to swing by again, hitting the speaker with another web and his companions reacted, firing ice shards towards the young hero, one catching the web he was on, the other glancing off his torso and he tumbled to the ground down the street.

‘Spider-Man is down!’  Sigyn yelled, setting off at a run towards where she had seen the boy go down as the Frost Giants bore down towards her and as she reached the area they stood in she realised the tarmac was frozen.  She could see the red and blue figure on the sidewalk ahead of her and as the nearest Frost Giant swung for her she threw herself into a slide, leading with her legs, and the momentum along with the ice had her out of reach and beside Spider-Man in seconds.  ‘ETA, Stark?’  She asked as she slid to a halt and crawled towards the still figure.

‘Ten seconds, no, wait, here I am.’  He screeched past them in a roar of repulsers, blasting at the giants to keep them back from where Sigyn was rolling Spider-Man onto his back.  ‘How long, Cap?’

‘Sixty seconds.’  The sound of the Quinjet engines could just be heard over the commotion on the street.

‘What’s happening?’  Loki’s worried voice came through the earpiece as Sigyn found a small, freezer burnt scorch mark over Spider-Man’s left ribs and he groaned as she probed the wound.

‘Lo, stay off the comms, keep the line clear.’  She instructed, knowing he would be worried sick but there was nothing she could do about it.  ‘Call Darcy, she’s down the street in a cafe.’

At that moment Spider-Man jumped, conscious again and aware of a pretty, petite woman with cherry red hair and freckles knelt beside him.  ‘No!’

‘You have a freezer burn.’  She said as she pressed her hand over the wound, palm flat.  ‘I’m one of The Avengers, just let me heal you and you’ll be back on your web in no time.’  She smiled as warmth flowed from her hand and into his side.  She could only heal minor wounds, thanks to Loki’s continued teachings, and thankfully this wasn’t too serious.

Spider-Man leant up and looked on as her hand glowed before fading again, and the pain he had felt disappeared.  ‘That’s so cool!’

‘Opposite, really.’  She said as she helped him to his feet.  Bucky was right, he sounded very young, and although he stood taller than her, most of her students back at Xavier’s had too.  ‘These guys are basically cold incarnate, so try avoid getting…’ she didn’t get to finish as one of the Frost Giants swung towards them with an enormous ice sword and Spider-Man threw his arm around her waist and shot a web onto the building across the street, yanking her off her feet with a yelp and swinging her around the five Frost Giants and out of harms way, just as the Quinjet hovered low enough for the two super soldiers to jump down from an unfeasible height and Falcon to give Nat a lift to the ground.  Cap threw his shield immediately and it caught one of the giants in the chest hard enough that it shattered into ice crystals and Bucky ploughed in against the nearest, engaging it in hand to hand.  Stark had destroyed another and Sigyn reoriented herself as Spider-Man tried to swing her out of the way, firing a bolt of pure heat through another, reducing it to dust.

‘That was awesome!  Can you do that again?’  Spider-Man asked as he changed his angle to head back towards the fight and Sigyn had a moment of stomach dropping terror as they free fell for a few feet before his next web attached to the building and she wrapped an arm around him before giving him an alarmed look.

‘Just don’t drop me!’  She replied firmly as her free hand fired another blast at the remaining Frost Giant, Bucky having stopped the other before Nat and Sam could get into the fight.

‘Is it like heat, or light?’  Spider-Man asked as he swung her towards where The Avengers were now gathering around what remained.

‘A bit of both.’  She said as he put her feet on the ground, making sure she was steady on the ice before letting her go.

‘It’s neat.’

‘Neat.’  Bucky murmured, shaking his head, still not believing how young this kid sounded.

‘Good to see you again, kid.’  Steve said as he came up on the other side to Sigyn.

‘You too.’

‘Go home.’  Stark said as he landed in front of them.

‘But…’

‘No buts, you got hit.’

‘I healed him.’  Sigyn raised her hand slightly.  ‘Small freezer burn, all better.’

‘All the same, this wasn’t the kind of thing you need to deal with.  Home.  Now.’

‘I think he needs to hang around for debriefing.’  Sigyn fixed Stark with a glare and he flipped up the visor on his mask.

‘No, he has homework.’  Tony waved Spider-Man away and he took the hint, spinning a web and swinging his way out of there.  ‘Are you being pissy because the in-laws dropped in unannounced?’

She frowned at him, heavily, waving her hand towards where Spider-Man had gone.  ‘I’m not being pissy, I’m just wondering how old that boy is and why he’s in the middle of a fight with interplanar creatures with us?’

‘This is his patch.’  Tony shrugged.  ‘Queens has Spider-Man, Hell’s Kitchen has The Devil, the rest of the world has us.’

Sigyn rubbed her forehead, knowing if her own boys were out doing this sort of thing while still in their teens she would have been worried sick.  ‘Okay, fine.’  She began walking back towards the cafe but Tony called after her.

‘Where you heading, Scarlet?’

‘To see if my coffee is still warm.’  She called back, returning her armour to her jeans and t-shirt and leaving the team to clear up.

Chapter 3

[eldritchlulz-blog]

that went well

nick and moire have irreconcilable differences

LAST WEEK

eldritchlulz

so are ye gonna eat paper airplanes all through class tomorrow too or ye gonna tell me what the problem is

nickatnightwalker

my appetite for paper airplanes is endless munro

eldritchlulz

great

hope yer hungry for that shiny stuff they print photos on

nickatnightwalker

ugh cmon that shits so bitter it's like letting advil dissolve in your mouth

eldritchlulz

ye know the terms of the deal walker

ye'd be doing yer stomach a favor

nickatnightwalker

eh

it's not liver damage but we all have our vices

eldritchlulz

that's true

but yer liver's probably not gonna thank ye for bitter advil paper either

what if i made a really big one out of a whole newspaper

antonov an-225

nickatnightwalker

at least buy me a latte to wash it down with

ALSO LIKE A WEEK AGO

eldritchlulz

[moire makes good on her promise in class today. nick gets an expertly-aimed airplane to the cheek within the first ten minutes of class. it's folded from stiff glossy photo-printing paper, which she bartered from the amorphous art supply guardian in exchange for a memory. then he gets another airplane to the temple. and another. and another. long months of fucking around in class have made her an expert at predicting how long professor mothman will have his back turned to the board.] lattes are for when yer not being a dick, [she tells him after class, peeling off down the hallway to physics] i’ll make ye tea though if ye manage to eat em all

**

TWO DAYS AGO, post sharing dragon videos

eldritchlulz

so are we friends again or nah

**

YESTERDAY

nickatnightwalker

i cant read this over the noises my stomach is still making as it digests photopaper

eldritchlulz

ye could have had tea

nickatnightwalker

it was a pride thing

eldritchlulz

i didn't think ye had any left after the third airplane

nickatnightwalker

you would be shocked at how much i manage to retain no matter what i swallow

eldritchlulz

i guess we all have our talents

nickatnightwalker

damn straight munro

some are just more highly sought after than others

eldritchlulz

who knew airplane eating is so decidedly respected

nickatnightwalker

anyone in the aviation industry duh

eldritchlulz

well don't forget who helped launch yer career when yer famous and shit

nickatnightwalker

yeah ill try not to forget the little people

eldritchlulz

yer like a foot shorter than me

nickatnightwalker

oh well obviously im talking about personality

eldritchlulz

then yer like two feet shorter

nickatnightwalker

hair doesnt count

neither does punching

eldritchlulz

luckily those aren't personality traits

nickatnightwalker

exactly

which is why youre the little people and im not

eldritchlulz

lmao all ye have in yer corner is being tiny and rude

nickatnightwalker

youd be surprised how far those two things can get you in life

eldritchlulz

good for ye

nickatnightwalker

thanks it's been an uphill battle but 18 years in im starting to get the hang of using that stuff in my favor

eldritchlulz

great

**

TODAY

nickatnightwalker

since youre technically millys aunt im donating a full sentence of real talk which is that i dont really fuck with public drinkers

eldritchlulz

why not enough personality for ye

ye get high all the time

nickatnightwalker

yeah, and all that happens is i chill out

eldritchlulz

is this because of the movie night?

did we do something to ye?

nickatnightwalker

no it's just not my thing ok

i dont babysit lightweights and hanging around them always turns into that anyway

eldritchlulz

lmao i mean ye didn't and no one asked ye to

nickatnightwalker

no offense but have you ever hung out with drinkers because no matter the fuck what eventually

eventually

nickatnightwalker

it's the one sober person's job to console whoever just started crying and stop the fights and driving and unprotected sex and i have plenty on my plate right now without heading down that road so i really, really prefer not hanging with people who get drunk on wine during disney movie night like you do you and shit but it's not my scene

eldritchlulz

i know yer from like

the city and shit

but here i’ve only ever drank with misha and some of the girls in proteus and it’s never been like that

i don’t know in what world ye think ye have to take care of us

eldritchlulz

i don’t want that lmao and i definitely don’t need it

nickatnightwalker

good to know but there's still that second hand embarrassment factor and the smell of rancid grapes to figure in

like i just dont like hanging with people drinking it's not that deep

eldritchlulz

good thing ye’ve never done anything embarrassing like proposition yer supposed cousin over the pa system

that’d be real fuckin awkward

whatever walker

if yer gonna ditch cus one night out of the months ye’ve been here we did something that ye didnae like that didnae even affect ye

then seriously

whatever

nickatnightwalker

lmao at least i did it fully aware of what i was doing

nickatnightwalker

like damn munro cant a guy choose his company based on personal preferences

eldritchlulz

lmao weak

i do enough embarrassing stuff sober too kill me for having a good night where i didn’t worry about shit

and ye sure can

my personal preference is hanging out with people who don’t flake without even a heads up

evens out

nickatnightwalker

it's not flaking if we never had plans like ho ly shit why is this such a big deal you wanna get shitfaced and turn your head into a fish that's your prerogative and it's mine not to stick around while it's happening i dont particularly care why you did it im sure being drunk was a blissful reprieve from your tortured thoughts or whatever and i respect that i just dont want to be there

eldritchlulz

gods ye are literally the one who made this into a big deal nick i just said whatever like three times ye dinnae have to justify yer weird hypocritical bullshit to me

no one said ye had to watch when there were a thousand other things to do and pay attention to that night but yeah ignoring a friend for weeks and not letting them know what’s up is a shitty thing to do and i was trying to like check in but it turns out the mistake was thinking that we were friends in the first place so like i said

whatever

nickatnightwalker

i was doing plenty of other things that night and i really dont get why you cant run it through your hair that i dont fuckin like hanging around drunks and forgive me for not realizing we were at the bffs for life stage and thinking it wouldnt be a big deal to drop off your proverbial sea charts

eldritchlulz

oh nice so i'm a drunk cus i had some wine that’s incredibly reasonable of ye top of the fucking class

i wasn’t saying we were bffs lmao yer supposed to be the human don’t ye have a basic concept of how human relationships work ye don’t have to be bffs to not be a total asshole

nickatnightwalker

you were drunk i dont know what gentle terminology you want me to use here  like was i supposed to hand you an official notice like dear mr and mrs munro this is a letter of resignation on the basis that i dont fucking roll with public wastedness

nickatnightwalker

god i thought you were buried deeper in your hypermasculinity than getting ratty because i decided i didnt wanna hang with you your boy and a bottle of something that could strip paint off a car

eldritchlulz

the utter fuckin logical leaps yer going through to make hanging out with us about drinking constantly is amazing ye gonna mentally photoshop bottles of liquor into all the times we hung out where we weren’t drinking too

and ye can fuck off with the hypermasculinity bullshit it’s bad if i am and bad if i’m not to ye sorry i don’t fit the perfect image of rambo lmao almost like the way ye stereotype everyone isn’t the way they really are

i don’t get how i’m the fucking unreasonable one here for thinking that i’d fucked something up and wanting to fix it and instead getting a thousand word essay where ye reiterate the point that got old the second time ye said it

luckily ye can consider yerself off the hook

nickatnightwalker

if ive said it so many times then why isnt it going through

nickatnightwalker

and like damn do you think youre like picking away at my layers of carefully crafted denial to get to the real reason i dont wanna hang with you guys anymore or something like i told you it's not that deep and just because i expected you to be oozing masculinity like a frat boy's sti doesnt mean it's a good thing that usually you are

eldritchlulz

trust me i'm not under any delusion that yer deep lmao

it came through loud and clear the first time

so like i said four fucking times

whatever

yer off the hook

see ye in class

nickatnightwalker

yep, this shallow bitch'll catch you later than you overhyped blowfish

eldritchlulz

also weak

nickatnightwalker

yes, i know, your muscles schwarzenegger youll be back etc etc etc

[myvelouri]

This will be long

So

Tonight was utter shit.

Where to begin

I don't even know.

I fucked up. I drank again. I'm drunk as I type this

It's so hard not to cry but I've gotten good at holding back. The most fucking pussy shit you'll ever hear a grown man say. Probably. I don't give a fuck though. I realize it. And I don't care. This is me.

So. I went to work. My buddy that always gets all the girls. Remember how I got that gorgeous girls number? And he was so stoked that he hyped me up? Well he showed me his tinder account. He already had hundreds of matches and a BUNCH that matches with him that he hadn't matched with yet. Imaine seeing his account with "100+" likes/matches awaiting and me with "3+" that aren't really there because it glitched out. And he showed me his profile. He looks so beautiful with short hair, wow. His profile is amazing. He's very like, alpha in personality, not that he's actually alpha, but he's not like me where I can joke and be gay with him, you know? He has that side of himself locked down. It's why I know why we can't be close. He's too closed off. Like, hell think shit is gay. I can't even tell him "bro you look hella good with short hair" without him being bothered. I mean, okay. But whatever. We still cool. But I was surprised how good looking he was with a buzzed head and he had some topless shots of him playing basketball, they were great. He has a great body. Girls are all over him. It's insane. Uh, he said his pics are two years old. He actually kinda looks like Napoleon Dynamite in person right now haha. He's like 8 years younger than me. But like. He does extremely well on tinder and seemingly in person, I've posted that before. About him. If he wasn't so self conscious about coming across as super alpha, straight and testosterone-full, he could put in a bit more effort in his appearance and become a really fuckin amazing looking dude. But I can't even tell him that. It sucks. I can't be open with him. He's a chill dude. I like the dude. He's like 22. He's had a great life. He's white, blue eyes, 6'5" and attractive. Like, duh, he's never had to deal with any negativity or rejection like I've had to. It's not his fault though. I'm not upset at that at all.

Alright on to the next part. That beautiful girl who's number I got? Well I texted her and she never responded. So much for all that hype that me and my buddy had. I didn't tell him though. I probably will. I feel so immensely ugly.

There was another girl I was texting but she fucking stopped talking after I stopped... But I told her I was out with friends. I mean, ffs, I only met her 2 days ago. But okay, whatever.

Where am I at

I'm.gonna cut it short

So I am at the bar. Drunk already. I sat by myself and this girl came in alone too, Brenda, I talked to her for a bit.. but I left her to talk to others. She was so offended that I left her. I'm sorry wow. Godamnit. I don't know. I was with my other buddy Ronnie, I bought us shots too. I love him. I told him about my musical ideas and he's so into it but goddamn he always shies away from it. So yeah also, I went up to Brenda at the end of the night and she totally wasn't happy to see me. She walked away. Kinda fucked up for her to be so offended..I mean I just met her that night godamn.

Okay so I told Ronnie, in DEPTH about my musical ideas, it took 2 seconds tho cause we listen to the same shit and he's a musician too. I basically told him about my idea of my chemical romance/taking back Sunday type choruses but still HEAVY and then it goes into OLD Slipknot type breakdowns. And he was so into it. I have a lot of musical ideas but I want to explore this very badly with other friends/musicians. He was like, really into it too.

I was more excited about that than any damn girl. I swear.

Okay so when I was with him, all these girls ran into him and are always flirty with him, he's very attractive. And I'd be like, dude who is that, and he's like "LOL I DON'T KNOW BRO" so it seems girls just flirt with him right away.

But it's okay. I love him. He invited me out tomorrow night to ren fair but I'm working unfortunately. I got to fuck around with that waitress I love and she was sweet to me asking how my night was. I was shocked that someone was caring towards me in person. Haven't had that in a long time.

Wow I'm drunk. I'm so sorry.

Okay when I was with Ronnie, there was this group of gorgeous girls who were with these two douche bags, they were like, attractive, but not in a way I like, but I can see the appeal. I totally judged them. I'm sorry. Lol.

But they had these gorgeous girls with them.

So I was outside with Ronnie. And I saw Sherwood, you know, the super intelligent dude who thinks I'm a misogynistic piece of shit. It sucks. Because I love him. I actually hugged him like crazy. And he joked how I'm boney so it doesn't work. And I joked back, is it better if I under hug you, under your titty? (He's a big guy lol) and it was funny. He was actually talking to THAT hot girl that was alone with that douche bag guy I mentioned. She actually say with us. And told us that that douchebag guy left her to go get drugs with these other girls he was trying to fuck all night. And she said he brought her out this night and he's been trying to fuck her for so long. She was upset. She was drunkish. And it was fun talking to her. I helped her out. So did Sherwood and I can't remember the other guys name, I'ma call him D. And we kept talking. It was great. I even told Sherwood how this is how one of my bad dates went down. And that dbag finally came back and got her and said "hey are you ready?" And she actually went with him. She shouldn't have. He left her man. He's such a douche. That poor girl was alone for so long. That she sat alone. And she joined us of her own accord. I bonded with her quite a bit. Yeah she's super attractive. Well, after the dbag took her away, D and Sherwood were joking like "yeah that guy probably wasn't happy that she went to go sit with a 40 year old, a fat guy and a guy with zero self esteem" I mean it's fucking funny. Sherwood said that. So 40 year old was D, the fat guy was Sherwood referring to himself, and the guy with zero self esteem was directed at me. But I was like, I mean my self-esteem IS Shit but I have a lot of confidence. But D and Sherwood shot that down saying how you can't have both, and said it's false confidence, and said that I have an "image" which I found offensive. And Sherwood said that my family treats women like shit and apparently I do too. I was so upset and angry about that. He based it off ONE date I had with a girl WHO LEFT ME FOR ANOTHER GUY THAT HIT ON HER WHILE WE WERE ON A DATE. Apparently I'm the bad guy. I never fully even told him the story. But apparently I'm misogynistic. According to him and Ruth who think I'm a piece of shit, misogynistic crap face. I'm totally not. They misunderstood me entirely. If they only knew me. If they did. Honestly. They have this wrong idea of me and judge me for it and it's hard to fight them against it. They are these highly intelligent people who think they can't be wrong.

It's frustrating.

Alright. So at the end of the night

I saw Brenda again and she was talking to 4 other ppl. She felt weird with me saying hey to her again. I met the dude she was with and I was like bro, I've met you before and he said we haven't. I was like oh.... Okay. But apparently he knows of me. I stick out. I met another dude. And he said he's seen me here often. I've never seen him before. We were talking about video games before he mentioned that. Ya.

He was cool.

So anyway, I met these 3 people, Morgan, she's cute, Kim, she's cute and TANNER THIS DOUCHEBAG. and so, Morgan and Kim are girls and Morgan was telling Kim "omg that guy, wow he's SO HOT" and kim was like "what do you expect at a BAR" and Morgan kept saying she just turned 21 and she just came to this bar. She was astonished, amazed at how many hot guys are at bars. She kept saying how it's her first time. She was SO CUTE WOW. she looked at me and said "I like your chain" I have a chain on my jeans. I said "omg thank you for real" and she said "I love your nails" and I said lmao they got FUCKED at work. (I paint my middle finger and thumbs with black matte nail polish every now and then) and she was so into it. So, they were with TANNER. This white, fucking older douchebag, totally looked like a racist republican asshole piece of shit. And his attitude was like that. I mean, he was just so shitty. So maybe he got mad I was talking to Morgan and Kim. We shook hands and introduced each other. And he referred to me as "sup painted nails" and Morgan was like "wtf don't be mean" and he said "no I wasn't being mean" and his judgemental ass tried to get out of it. He was trying to teach Kim how to be mean. He said "tell this guy to shut up" and he was saying how gay guys SOMETHING something and I said "I like how you're fucking pointing at me while saying gay guys" and he's like, being a dick about it. I told him "well, I'm not gay, but I'm not totally straight." And he said "stay away from me" and I can't remember what I said but he wasn't clever at all and I kept stumping his dumb fucking ass, because I ACTUALLY AM clever as fuck. And the girls loved it. Here's where it got irritating. He was saying to Kim how you have to protect yourself from creeps. And I was saying I think she's strong enough to say no to creeps. And he said to me "I think girls think I'm creepy, I think it's my brassness and my voice" and I was nice to him. I said "nah man, you're good, I don't think that" and he was just so shitty back to me. And the girls were still there. And I said I come across scary too. And he said "yeah it's because of your hair. But if you shaved your head, you still have a... A gaunt face" and that hurt me a bit because I totally realize I'm skinny af now and not as cute as I used to be when I weighed more ( lost weight when I got dealthy ill, seriously). And then I was just being my ol cute self and I said "okay, but I'm still adorable" and the girls were like "you REALLY ARE" and Tanner said "I don't THINK you're adorable" and he was being so rude and saying I was ugly. I was like, wtf.

We were talking about Kim being careful of creeps. But as that whole conversation ended he slithered his way into telling Kim he lives at this place. And she is really too nice and said "um.. do you need a ride?" And he said yes. And I hope he didn't fucking take advantage of her. I feel so gross that I let her take him home. Do you know what he said as he left? He was like "next time, do as I say, pink, pink next time" and I said something like "I'm sorry, I dont listen to bitches telling me what to do" or something. I wasn't scared of him, I was ready to fucking destroy him. I'm a bit crazy. Don't ever forget I'm a grown ass MAN with crazy testosterone and I'm JUST as stupid as most guys when it comes to stupid fights like that. Remember how he was telling Kim to tell me to shut up? Well, he said something rude and something something and I told him "shut up" and he's like "what did you just tell me?" And I said in his face "shut up" and he kinda had no real come back. Fucking bitch. I'd destroy him. I'm stronger than I look. I kind of wanted to fight. I feel so much animosity in me. Especially for pieces of shit like him. Sherwood and D are not rude like that, I still consider them acquaintances. But tanner? Nigga I will kill you mother fucker, I'm fucking old as fuck, I don't take shit from pieces of shit I don't fucking respect. Pink nails? Bitch you're fucking jealous that the girls you're trying to get with like me more than you or SOMETHING. and trust me, I know how that feels but I'm not a fucking bitch about it.

I mean I wasn't hiding anything, I was in his face too. You can't really fuck with me.

Okay.

This is long.

I'll post the second half tomorrow or something

I have work tomorrow too. All the girls stopped talking to me. I don't know why. I didn't do anything wrong. I went out with my friends like, what the fuck? Also I got Morgan's Snapchat too. She's so cute. Lol she just turned 21 and she's so excited about bars and hot guys. Hahaha. I think she's very attractive.

OH! that girl with those douchebags. The hot girl that came to us, me, D and Sherwood? Yeah she randomly came up to me at the end of the night and hugged me so hard and said "thank you for watching out for me" and I got her instagram. She's so gorgeous lol. I can't believe she told us that that dbag has been trying to get with her for so long and ditched her like that. Sigh. She shouldn't have went back to him when he came back.

I'm still upset too, about Sherwood saying I have an "image." Cause it makes no sense. He was roasting me about how my top doesn't do anything and my tank top doesn't do anything. I'm like dude, this is my style, it comes form what I think is aesthetic and a lot with the music I listen to. I dress with what I like because it's what appeals to me. I mean how many guys fucking wear nail polish? For fucks sake, image? What image do you think I'm trying to present? Get the fuck out of here with that. It's so ridiculous. I'm way more confident than you could realize. And it makes no sense but it's just true. My self esteem sucks but I'm just real with what I see. I don't like it, I don't like parts of me. But I'm still confident. I don't see how why that's hard to believe? I'm just real with myself, if I don't like parts of myself I'm just like, yeah those parts suck ASS, BUT I'm still adorable, so what the fuck ever.

I hate that they are bringing me down by saying I can't be confident. It's really enraging. I'll have to have a talk with them.

It won't work cause they are so full of themselves. They say my insecurity comes across too. And I'm like, that's bullshit. I've only been deeply open with Sherwood, D, and Ruth when my HEART was broken after a break up. And instead of being supportive friends they judged me for it and misunderstood a date I had with a girl. Meanwhile Ruth bitches about her bad dates and shit. I mean Ruth cheated on her GF for fucks sake. How are you judging me

It's bizarre

It's bullshit

It makes me so angry

[survivormarmoreal]

Episode #14: "i literally hate attention (i say as i broke out into song unprompted)” - Bryce

I can't believe that I am here. I made it to the Final 4. It is very crazy. I thought that I was toast in the Final 6. So to be here now is very exciting and shocking. The final 3 is going to depend on who wins immunity. I am really hoping that I could win this immunity to secure my spot in the final 3. If not then I hope that Matt doesn't win it. He needs to be an option just in case. I'm very nervous. I just finished my rites of passage. and its crazy that its almost final tribal.

so im getting 4th. FJKASDHFKJh this comp is so hard and like im literally not gonna be able to do endurance so i need to do well on the other stuff but i just dont see that happening... like this puzzle first try was 70 minutes FJKASDHFKAJS. AND I KNOW COUNTING WILL MESS ME UP BC IM NERVOUS WRECK i didnt even mean to caps that but its tea. like flash game i think when i played this once before i wasnt bad but maybe i was who knows. im so emo like no one is talking to me anymore FKJASHDFKJ like i guess bc its just 1 vote left they dont wanna pretend they wont cut me FJAKSDFH like my game not even that good im gonna get dragged by sharky/nathan/keaton/nicole/ everyone but brian... maybe even brian who knows NNNN. my nnn. is so iconic.. maynor who?. idk like ok so if i win immunity (which i wont) idek what to do like i feel like voting matt is the best option maybe. bc i WONT be voting maynor bc i love him (not that i dont love anna and matt) but i just feel like we've had the best relationship of the f4 and im confident that the jury will like my game more than his (maybe they wont tho... i say confident but i mean 2% (not skim) sure they will) but ok so annabelle prob is hated by jury at least from brian and maybe even sharky? but like she didnt play bad she literally made most iconic move at f6 and i respect that but idk if jurors do like ppl keep saying shes a goat  so maybe she has no chance. and then theres matt where like ppl cant be mad he voted them when everyone and their mom in this game has voted him ASDKJFHASDKJ. like so hes prob liked by jury but i just dont know if hes done anything to deserve to win. he found 2 idols successfully played 1 but that was more on anna/nicks weird sense of leaking when it didnt really benefit them.  but like ok he was least threatening member of trio who got to the end so underdog edit is there even tho he literally wasnt underdog tbh u know who was an underdog... ME. i had NO ONE but nathan for a lil.. then dennis... then he got ROBBED. so then i had brian... but he got ROBBED. and now i have maynor like ive literally flipped and flopped to better my game and idk like i am physically able to meaningfully say ive done anything good ever in life or orgs but like i didnt do too bad i think! KJFAHSDKJF... idk maybe im getting 0 votes 3rd place no matter what and if thats the case im still so happy bc ive had a lot of fun in this game and met some true friends (and keaton) but like im getting 4th anyway so doesnt matter! ugh that sounds like a final goodbye confession but i know me and im gonna confess like 10 more times before this round is over so if i do get 4th/3rd just know that this was my true end...

So like.... I do not think i'm winning immunity. like at all. which makes me pretty nervous ngl. I really want to be there at the finale cause i think I have a good shot. If Bryce loses, i'm fairly sure i'm good to get to FTC but otherwise im scared. Making FTC would be really good for me cause I think i can out argue Maynor and Annabelle fairly well, but otherwise with bryce there idk. So like, BRYCE CAN'T WIN IMMUNITY. Also this FIC is disgusting like no thanks. I've already fucked up the 2 live ones so uh ya am annoyed :(. woo final juror here i come!

Bryce won immunity. Im glad. I wouldnt want to be in the position to vote Bryce. I had to abstained from the counting part cuz it triggered my anxiety. I tried tho but i couldnt. This vote is going to be said. Matt is going to go 4th. And i feel really bad. We got to know each other more during every tribal. This really sucks. I just dont want to give him false hope where there isnt any. Im going to help tomorrow.

I am so getting final juror. fuck. i knew it would happen if bryce won immunity and it fucking is. I am so sad about this. I have worked so hard all game to get here and its just being tossed away like that. I am SO sad. I have fucked up my sleep schedule for this game and now its getting me final juror. ugh. i just wanted to get to the end and like argue my case. but now? not happening :( i hate this

I WON I REALLY WON IMMUNITY ASKDJFHASKDJF I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA LOSE WHEN I GOT 12 POSTS ASJFKHKASJFDHASDKJF THATS SO NNNNN IM SO HAPPY BUT SO SAD BC NOW I TRIED TO TELL MATT IM VOTING HIM BC I WANT TO BE HONEST BUT HE SAYS HES TALKING TO A BRICK WALL LIKE???? SORRY FOR NOT WANTING TO GIVE U FALSE HOPE AJDSFHDKAJ its honestly so rude like ive been in that position before so i know what its like when ur pleading ur case and the person doesnt seem to care and im NOT doing that. but obvioulsy i didnt just make up a plan on what to do at f4 so obviously i have thoughts and plans and im not just gonna switch it up bc u plea to me now. idk KJASHDFKJ also im so scared im gonna lose now NNN hes saying anna played so well and tbh she kind of did maybe i lose no matter what...

So like i am leaving but its ok! why? cause i will preserve my legacy by dropping a whole ass fajita recipe here so that I can feel like i have made an IMPACT on the season. Even though like im still sad its me, im going out with a bang baby! I don't use this recipe personally ( I am a broke student) but its v.good!

Ingredients: 2 large chicken breasts, finely sliced 1 red onion, finely sliced (ready to make you cry) 1 red pepper, sliced 1 red chilli, finely sliced (optional) For the marinade 1 heaped tbsp smoked paprika 1 tbsp ground coriander pinch of ground cumin 2 medium garlic cloves, crushed 4 tbsp olive oil 1 lime juiced 4-5 drops Tabasco

Method: Heat oven to 200C/180C fan/gas 6 and wrap 6 medium tortillas in foil.

Mix 1 heaped tbsp smoked paprika, 1 tbsp ground coriander, a pinch of ground cumin, 2 crushed garlic cloves, 4 tbsp olive oil, the juice of 1 lime and 4-5 drops Tabasco together in a bowl with a big pinch each of salt and pepper.

Stir 2 finely sliced chicken breasts, 1 finely sliced red onion, 1 sliced red pepper and 1 finely sliced red chilli, if using, into the marinade.


Heat a griddle pan until smoking hot and add the chicken and marinade to the pan.

Keep everything moving over a high heat for about 5 mins using tongs until you get a nice charred effect. If your griddle pan is small you may need to do this in two batches.

To check the chicken is cooked, find the thickest part and tear in half – if any part is still raw cook until done.

Put the tortillas in the oven to heat up and serve with the cooked chicken, a bag of mixed salad and one 230g tub of fresh salsa.

hope the random person reading this uses it otherwise gj future me reading this you've officially gone insane! yeet ig?

This is going to be a sad day. I really like Matt and dont want to vote him out but its the best option from the people available. It really sucks. I feel his pain and ahh.

I’m literally going to cry. I want to help Matt. I wish we could all be final 3 but we can’t. I’m dying emotionally. Final 4 always has so much pressure cuz theres only 4 people left. I hope Matt doesn’t hate me. I hope he understands thisnis a game move because he techinically was the underdog in the beginning then was on top then back to underdog. I just hope he doesnt take it personal that I don’t think tie-ing it for him would be good for my game.

OMG IDK WHATS GONNA HAPPEN MATT GO HOME PLS BUT I FEEL LIKE ANNA IS VOTING MAYNOR IM GONNA BE SO SAD AHHHH DJSKFHSDKJF

Matt is voted out 3-1. He becomes the final juror.

ok so i had the worst day of my life today and didnt plan my speech at all so thats where im at NNN time to fake smile and hope the jurors like my ad libbed speech ASFKUHDFKJ ftc starts in 4 minutes.

well.. that was interesting adsjflhasdkfj. Like i always have 0 confidence in myself so i think im gonna lose and i really do respect the game that anna and maynor played. im just sad that i dont think i articulated myself well bc like im so bad with words anajsfhakj and ppl were saying conflicting things and its just not in me to like chime in with my pov to possible sway it in my favor bc i literally hate attention (i say as i broke out into song unprompted) but yaaa like i truly think that maybe i kind of did play super well and deserve to win but either way ill be happy bc i made *some* genuine friendships and also like had so much fun voting ppl out KFADHSKJASHK. i wish i like wrote what all my confessionals were so i could reference sth i said on day 1 but it was prob like i hate my tribe they ignore me so maybe ill just say that again FKJADSHFKJ. we love coming full circle... im so hungry i didnt eat so i will now stop typing to get dinner maybe i will write another confessional. omg wait gotta have some line thats iconic in case theres an episode title... think... love talking to myself FAKSDHFKj im so funny when i was like "i realized hey i respond to myself ill take me to the end" its such a mood KFJASDHFKJ ok but hm... ok. maybe im a snake who doesnt actually care about people and use them to my advantage to get my way but at least im not jayden. OMG jk thats so mean even tho he deserves it ALSO i was gonna like comment on keaton being like "saying the n word doesnt make u racist" but then he was kind of nice to me so i didnt.. love being as fake woke as me... not being confrontational to get a jury vote... so gross NNNN wooh idk how to end this but watch waves music video normani literally snapped so hard is being as slept on as me. omg wait... maybe im a pillow bc i sure am being slept on. iconic line.... i love the hosts so much ignore literally every cringe thing i wrote in this confessional pls FKJADSHKFJ

IM VERY DRUNK AND I DNT KNOW IF I HAD TO. BUT EITHER BRYCE OR ANNA WILL WIN CUZ IM A MES AND DONT DESERVE TO CUZ THEY WERE BOTH AMAZING FOR LETTING ME GET TO FTC. I WANNA THANK ANNA THE HOST FOR BEING AMAZING AND GREAT. I LIKED THE ALICE THEM CUZ HEART CUZ ICANT  EMOHJI, ,LOVED THIS SEASON AND UR ALL AMAZING HOSTS.

Im happy I made it to the final 3. And even though FTC was bad; I enjoyed it. I know I’m probably getting 3rd which is fine. I have so much respect to Annabelle and Bryce and everyone in the jury. I’m more excited to be able to talk to all of them again. Let’s see who is our winner will it be Bryce or Annabelle!? The hosts you guys were amazing and i had a great time this season. Im glad Jones pushed and convinced me to apply. Thank you for giving me a spot in this season. And Jones you da best. 💖💛💙

confession time. everytime i write one of these i put the day as who are u and my name as what day is it.. my mind always having to go change it. but um didnt think i would be writing another one of these FJKSADF but i have no self control and winner reveal is in 4 and a half hours and im literally sick FAKJDSk i feel so anxious and nervous like even if i lose im gonna be happy but i just really want to win also im still trying to process ppl not liking me or my gameplay and saying i played with their emotions FJKASDHFJ i had a blast. anyways this is the anthem of the day apparently https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UhzN7SfnNeY

WHATS GOING ON?? IM TIRED IS WHATS GOING ON IM SO ANXIOUS! im sooo anxious i want to win. pls...

Bryce wins Celestial Marmoreal in a 4-3-0 vote!

[ourmemyselfandilove-blog]

Tuesday, February 12, 2019

Tuesday, February 12, 2019

Dear Journal,

               After being sick for the last few days, I am starting to feel better. I did use one ill day that was because I couldn’t do anything. I have until Thursday to turn in my first batch of homework. I was so close to being able to stay up with the class. But now that ship has sailed. I used my extra time on most of my homework this week. I just had no choice I felt awful. All I have been doing is playing video games. And I will most likely go back to that after I am done. I am taking baby steps to get my homework done. I have a cat that wants to cuddle with me. And I can’t say no to that little guy. I did get a bath in yesterday. I really didn’t smell right. I finally couldn’t stand myself. I even interrupted bingo, and I never do that. But I just couldn’t stand how bad I smelled. I am trying to type this journal as fast as possible because my cat wants to sit with me. He does not like it when I have the laptop on my lap. He thinks that should be reserved for him. And I just feel that it is so cute. He likes to be with me all day. And I want to finish this journal so I can cuddle with him. I will most likely sit in this chair and love on him. While I play video games as usual. I don’t mind spending time with him. And I know that means I will have to rush on my homework tomorrow, but I don’t care. Nobody is moving around the house. I am trying not to make any noise out here because then he will come back out here and complain. He is going to be so shocked when I kick out my chair. I had to start over with my music downloads. I was having a problem with them. And now they are once again going smoothly. I hope to keep working on them all day. That is at long the internet doesn’t go down. And that could happen. But I won’t need my music until bedtime. I am fortunate to have a phone that can play music. That wasn’t always the case. And now I can’t live without it. I still have to have music when I leave the house. And I am so thankful for that technology. It has made it easier for me to leave the house. And that didn’t use to be the case either. I used to hate going home. And I used to be really scared to do it. But now with my music, I know that I can do anything. The snow is really starting to depress me. I am so sick of it. I even ended up changing the background on my phone. Now I have a character from Pooh Bear on it. And it has improved my mood. I made sure that the picture had no hint of snow on it. I am so sick of winter. I want to be able to enjoy the warm weather. I like to go around in tank tops and shorts with flip-flops. I love to be ready to go for bike rides. Instead of staying home all the time. I haven’t gone anywhere in days. And I am so bored. I will admit that I have had a lot more time to do homework. But I miss being able to do things. And my Mom does like to go for walks. And we can’t do that with the weather being bad. I am so glad that my journal is almost updated. Then I can spend some time with my cat. He is waiting so patiently for me to be done. And I am ready to play some video games. I am not going to do much else today. I just don’t feel up to it. I hope in the next few days that I will feel better. I don’t like it when I am sick. I even ended up missing a therapy appointment today. First of all, because I canceled. And second of all, because my therapist was out. I didn’t want to go, to begin with. Then I would have to look at the snow. And I don’t want to do that. I have seen enough snow to last me a lifetime. In fact, it is starting to make me cranky. I just want spring to get here. There are chores that I need to do around the house, but I am not sure if I am going to get to them today. At least I can feel good that I got my journal updated. I don’t want to miss a single day. I guess I better post this so I can snuggle with my cat. He must really miss me. And I don’t mind. I can’t imagine my life without him. He is my best friend. No matter what I do, he is always there. I am glad that I got something done. I have to say that it is best when you can adopt out of a pound.

[bigbrotherorre]

FINAL EPISODE: “DENNIS IS SUCH A KING” - ALI THE REST OF THE GAME.

WEEK 13 

if someone who doesn't love me wins this week then bye bye ashvika 

annoyed that sammy nominated me because i kept him safe last week whereas i could have just as easily flipped to keeping alivia and he could've left...but more than that, i'm annoyed at his speech. i dont think he should've used "you nommed me" as an excuse bc that's lame and he was the first to nom me and i nommed him back so we were even, and then i let him have veto pick when he was nommed and i made sure he got taken off. also conversation is a two way street and i dont see him trying to make a conversation with me either, he could have just said the real reason....i love hearing about how good of a player he thinks i am.... the worst case scenario is if bryce or zeezo win, i think even if the noms stay the same that i have a good chance of staying? granted that autumn and ali don't decide to turn on me and evict me 

why is bryce spreading lies :( i didn't tell ali to nominate sammy.... 

ive made a lot of mistakes this game and there all coming at me now.. my position in the game is terrible and i can blame it on ppl playing not to their win condition or on just the wrong ppl winning comps at the wrong time, but ultimately i could have tried harder convincing ppl to see the light or to do better in challenges so ultimately its on me. feeling really hopeless this week even tho i avoided being a preveto nom i think ill be a post one if literally anyone but me wins veto. and i flopped veto (cwl). i cant wait for after the game for ali to admit that he did tell me that ashvika pushed for sammy to be nommed. order in which id vote ppl zeezo- always worked with me and if she makes it to the end she truly DID THAT ashvika- really took control of the game with her hoh win and after jose left smartly picked up the goats and became the biggest threat randy- a king love us working with/against each other throughout the game and even tho he was voted out im not one to discredit buyback winners autumn- never spoke to me but guess she didnt need to KASDHFK ali- fakest person ive ever met dennis- knows how to get to f2 at least sammy- ignores obvious facts and always makes the wrong move  but good at comps so wooh (me teas too tho...)

somehow i didnt get nommed but like so sad what the heck zeezo is going home like why is everyone so jealous that shes prettier and funnier than them :( why cant we all be her goats <3 i guess its good bc like i cant win with zeezo in the game and i can vote to keep her still, but honestly if i lose in f2 with zeezo itd still be fun bc she has had my back all game :] I AM SO SAD UGHHHH GOD HATES GAYS AND HES TAKING MY TWO WOC QUEENS BACK TO BACK. Now i have ashvika who is a queen but not my queen!! And autumn yikes hates me always :(

SORRY IVE BEEN GONE!!! I did one video confessional for Week 11 and just like never posted it lmao but I will haha and that's all behind me. But anyway I just have so many feelings. Live  night is about to begin, me and Zeezo's war is finally concluding, IM STILL TRYING TO GET MY FIRST COMP WIN, and I'm trying to protect my allies at all cost. Some cracked shit is about to go down and I'm so excited and so so glad I took a nap before this cause I'm ready for anything wooo

RANDY: WIN SAMMY: ... ALI: FAKEST PERSON IVE EVER MET MAYBE TALKS A BIG GAME AND SAYS HES SUPER NICE AND EMOTIONAL BUT SUDDENLY CAN TURN THAT OFF. HE WOULD BE A GOOD VILLAIN BUT HE ACTS NICE AND DOESNT OWN IT AND MAYBE ITS JUST BC ITS SO SOON BUT I HOPE HE CHOKES AND HAS HAYFEVER FOREVER! WHAT EVEN IS HAYFEVER??? HORSE BOY AUTUMN: NEVER SPOKE TO ME BUT NICE DENNIS: FORGOT TO PUT SOMEONE ON THE LIST, KNEW HIS WAY TO F2 AND IF HE DOESNT TAKE CREDIT FOR THINGS ICON AND ID VOTE FOR HIM.

AFTER THE TRIPLE EVICTION...

OK BUT DAT TRIPLE DOE http://media2.giphy.com/media/xUA7aViRhBQPzXNAAM/giphy.gif It was dramatic, over the top, emotional, satisfying, show stopping, gut wrenching- literally everything you want out of a triple. I... don't feel bad for Breezo lmao, not after all the messiness they've caused. But doing Ashvika dirty is literally the hardest choice I've had to make in Orre. Sis I am so so sorry. I should've thrown you a vote but you know how Randy is and you really know how Dennis is. I just--- that was something I like wasn't prepared to ever do, break Ashvika's heart. But like in my beautiful dark twisted mind? It was perfect because I knew I couldn't go to the end w/ Ash but I was never going to nominate her. So here we are rip ALSO LAB AND BREEZO ALL SITTING IN JURY??? BIIIIIIITTTCCHHHHH https://media.giphy.com/media/zcAii7T9JXezS/source.gif If you're reading this, you know I sure did say I would wipe that whole group out and send them to jury and it really did come to pass. John sure did gas all of them up to win and I sure did tell him in my Week 10 goodbye message that they were all bout to walk in behind him. So in the spirit of prophesizing, let it be known that Auli aka Ali and I will make Final 3 because we are the strategic dynamic duo y'all slept on. Like correct me if I'm wrong: we've been on the right side of all 8 "merge" votes (there's no word for like opposite of pre-jury lmao), we ain't been on block since Week 6/7 and it's now Week 14, and we've downplayed our iconicism left and right so we're the last duo standing at Final 5, and no one wants to take a shot at us. BUT YALL STILL SLEEP CAUSE THE MIST IS THAT STRONG. That's ok though! When Randy and Sammy walk into jury next y'all will see Also I'm  dead at how much jury hates Ali hahaha. Deadass he has to stay in the game for safety reasons. Like soooo many jurors wanna kill him. That's my ride or die though so I can't let that happen. Anyway I still feel like shit for obeying Randy, which hurt Ashvika, made Dennis cry, and further dragged Ali's corpse. But the good news is woooo it's Final 5 and these boys all want to take Auli to the end. So do I NEED to win this HOH? No not really. Am I still praying and pleading with God like I do before every comp? Absolutely https://media1.tenor.com/images/1a11748f0c7ce30ab4afd057fab66751/tenor.gif?itemid=5677211

Me when I shocked the nation and won HOH and finally had power in the house after 13 weeks https://78.media.tumblr.com/2a8c6d7cc298da364a847f8f9d767c7c/tumblr_opiih6Z7tB1ub3fcfo1_500.gif Me then using said power to target my baby Randy for the greater good https://media.giphy.com/media/hic9t15zsdwfC/giphy.gif And now me that I'm selling my entire family, land, soul, and wig collection to get Dennis to keep me and kill Sammy so that I'm not Ika Wonged because I know for a fact Ali would take me to F2 and Dennis would be a dumbass not to take me too. AND I ALWAYS BELIEVED IF I WENT UP A FOURTH TIME THAT WOULD BE THE TIME I GO UP ON THE BLOCK AND DONT COME BACK DOWN SO FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DENNIS BE STRATEGIC AND KEEP ME https://i.pinimg.com/originals/23/53/9d/23539d4ab6c13adab50940426d73ed6e.gif

[AFTER F4 EVICTION]

WAIT WHAT HOW AM I ALIVE?? https://media.giphy.com/media/TZ388aYpsLMcM/giphy.gif AND HOW THE FUCK DID I MAKE FINAL 3??? https://yiaelxzosjw9p4bs-zippykid.netdna-ssl.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/happy-crying.gif Pray for me if I win Final HOH cause fun fact: I, the strategic legend, have no clue who to fucking take to the end and that's the biggest gag of the entire season BECAUSE I DIDN'T PLAN OUT THIS FAR GODDAMMIT AND I WISH I HAD. Ok that's not entirely true- I knew I should either sit next to Dennis or Ali because ya know contingency plans matter. BUT NOW??? Bitch ion know I just wanna win

CLICK HERE & HERE TO SEE DENNIS’ VIDEO DIARY ROOMS!

i've never seen a better reflection of the emotional rollercoaster that is my mental state than these two being filmed less than 12 hours apart jasldfa

CLICK HERE AND HERE TO SEE ALI’S VIDEO DIARY ROOMS!

okay i have lots of post finale thoughts but i need to type them up tomorrow. i just hope the jury knows how sorry I am if I ever upset them, because I love them all so much and would never want that :(

time for my post finale wrap up and.... whewie. This is so upsetting because, I just did this for all stars. Like it's looking like my track record is LITERALLY going to be 2nd 9th 2nd 2nd 2nd, I CANT COME 2ND AGAIN. I really can't take this. Here is the bigger problem though and this is why Orre will be my last game whether I win or not. I can't keep playing these games when I upset so many people. Like it honestly broke my heart yesterday hearing how much I upset people like Bryce & Ashvika, people I love SOOOOOOO much. I don't want to upset people. Like... what upset me about finale is I don't think the jurors realise that.... I didn't just upset people for the sake of it and ahhh. Honestly, I'm really upset, like not even that I'm coming second but that I upset people. So with that said, I really apologise to the jurors. I got the impression that I hurt you all so bad that you are giving me 2nd as like.... punishment? And while I hate that, if I hurt you all that bad I really owe you all an apology. Anywho, since this is definitely my last game, I've played 183 days worth of games to just come 2nd, and that's just too much. I'm too flawed of a person and player to continue playing these games and just keep coming 2nd. Like it just hurts. so yeah, i'm sad but mainly because this is deja vu. I'm so proud of Dennis for winning, he is such a sweet genuine guy and when he was complimenting me during the finale, it was the nicest thing I've ever heard and I'm so greatful. No matter my game or his, I'd be happy to see Dennis represent our season.

Can I just say... Dennis is such a king. What a kind-hearted, genuine guy. A true king.

CLICK HERE TO WATCH DENNIS’ VIDEO DIARY ROOM!

okay so I lost.... and I'm weirdly at peace with it. I know I answered the jury questions terribly and I had... some jurors that would never have it in them to vote for me and would actively campaign against me. Dennis is a king, and in a cast with toxicity and SUCH bitterness, I think he is a phenomenal representation for the season. Otherwise, I am really honoured to get Ashvika's vote, she is such a deserving POTS, and to get POTS' vote is always an honour. Autumn and Jose are amazing friends and I am so happy to have got to work with them, John is a player with SUCH potential and he is WINNING BOTS & Zeezo I'm really honoured to get her vote too! For the others, Bryce is a KING and so is Blake (they both seemed really upset by me so I hope we can be friends). Lynn I never spoke to and seems... very bitter about the season's result, but I hope she gets over it because she is also a QUEEN. Randy is a funny one and I'm starting to worry all his friend talk was just him playing into my emotional side, but he is a good egg really I know it. Sammy is a ghost king. I kinda want to end on Alivia. Alivia is a person whose personality is obviously very different to mine and the way she speaks to me and others really upsets me a lot of the time. However, her bitterness against me is understandable and I hope she gets over it, because she defines herself by anger and bitterness when she is such a funny and likable person and doesn't need to do that. but woo... to wrap stuff up, I'm so grateful for Nicholas & Julia for casting me, Owen & Emily for being amazing.... OH, I forgot what I wanted to say. Autumn is a queen, a legend and amazing. She is honestly soo soo amazing, like... someone I really admire and see as a rolemodel? she is inspirational, a queen and a legend. Dennis is the nicest, most well intentioned guy ever SO sweet and really just a genuinely nice guy. I have made lasting friendships with some members of this cast and I'm so happy. so yeah.... i'll probably do another one of these in like a day or so, but if not.... ali out woo

we love coming to jury and being told about my ""showmance""".... wanna die jadfkl. my only showmance was to snakery, my way of life. blake was robbed but also is a broccoli. last words? autumn and dennis are my faves, best F3 ever.

FINAL CAST ASSESSMENT

[haeroniel-doliet]

thoughts on ice skating

supposed to be under read more, sorry if mobile is weird! 

i mean ive missed multiple weeks and alll in all the society/ practice is quite weird like the beginners teacher dude keeps rambling off about like olympics skating or how higher levels have this and this move and look ive taught that advanced kid over there and heres how they do that technique rather than concretely helping us develop those basic skills that were apparently flawed at. like how do i do that correction youre just showing me bc clearly im about to fall over bc idk how to do it. and i tried being all professional and interested and make the most of it for myself, but cant help the frustration when it goes out of the easy shit into the stupid spins because apparently i just cant do it. be it my skates are too thin or too sharp blades or my ankle is not strong enough  or enough support thats why its going bad? idk even but i cant spin. cant do it. idk i kinda know multiple things that are fucking up and its frustrating and annoying and its just not gonna work yknow i can kinda turn 180. no i cant do the multiple spin spin spin that seems so easy. is it my skates or is it my inadequacy? im not getting new skates tho, im only here because i have my own skates a while back, im clearly so shit that im not even gonna be a milkly good figure skater im not gonna get in on that. i might as well do fuckin ballet rather than this. im actually looking into that kinda now id love to try. 

ice skating is dumb in the way that ive done it since im a child but never as a hobby, like ive done it with most the time my own owned skates since like 3-4 yrs old like young. but school only ever teaches forwards and basic backwards (apparently its cheating backwards) and basic stop and turns and idk things you learn somewhat naturally and my coolest tricks always been sausages (or bubbles as they call them here) and those are apparently baby level beginner stuff and im just :| yeah i can do those tho. and now ic an do them backwards which is kinda cool, and im more confident one foor skating/gliding. but like never as a hobby so i guess none of that matters, i did try to do intermediate and could keep up to an extent but i guess my basics are so shoddy i wasnt doing well enough for my own standards, and even now looking over tho the teacher is better and more encouraging, everyone seems to be doing crazy tricks and jumps and spins and one leg up fancy shit and im just... ya. guess i cant be over there. cant do it. lemme just stand with mr blabber mouth. it is frustrating bc yeah maybe i wanna be that intermediate level, maybe i wanna go skate with my family/old friends and show off bc look i can do like 3 4 cool things im almost a real skater. but fuck i guess my skates are limiting me and i should try use the rental skates? that are dull af but have better support? idk, ive got blisters from them the last i used them and i dont particularly wanna use shitty skates. but i dunno even what to do, i dont particularly wanna drop on some fancy skates just to find smths wrong again and im shit and cant do it. maybe id suddenly improve and feel a lot better about myself and take it as a proper hobby but realistically nah. im actually kinda frustrated i dont even know if i wanna continue. yes i have a friend that goes, yes i have skates and you only get better by spending time on ice and id like to be better bc only recently ive realised how shit i am, (trust me its confidence boosting to have skated with bambis on ice who are afraid of moving at all and then i can at least go kinda fast if i want) but i cant even turn properly, cant stop properly neither. its just ugh, i dont think im getting as much out of it as i should be, i dont know if its the teachers fault, my skates fault, or my own personality/inability. 

no im not doing the dumb kinda competition theyre organising in a few weeks. the criteria for intermediate (that i havent participated in enough anyway recently) is fuckin hops and drags (my skates do not drag! to sharp? idk) and spins and fancy shit i havent even ever tried to. yeah sure i could for the fucks of it do the beginners bc its uh, bubbles forward and backwards that i can do, and i can kind of do the chassee thing kind of. but i cant do a god damn spin for the life of me apparently so i might as well save my 5 pound and ‘pride’. ugh. besides the fun part was that he was talking abt the higher levels leg up glide thing, and had us do it against the wall bc ‘afraid well just face plant’ and i guess i can bring my leg up decently high when supported by the wall which is fun, and otherwise im not the worst of the 5 beginners that showed up. but yeah im just frustrated with it over all. dunno how long the clubs even gonna continue for, theres only one friend there that i would continue for which isnt great considering means i dont consider the others easy to make friends with or ones i could be fond of enough to over look the struggle of the hobby. 

i think my plan was to call my dad not only to ask if they had a preference for when my friend would fly down to visit  so she could buy her tickets, but i guess also i was going to say about the skate apparently being too soft and too thin/too sharp and express this frustration that i still cant do shit, that maybe even using unsharpened (and uncomfortable) rental skates could be better for skating and just wonder what im even doing abt this all. clearly not competing but idk even if we could just come to observe/skate for fun during the competition etc or if i should just skip to catch up/pack and clean idk. also im kinda annoyed at myself otherwise bc i just tuesday saw with J and shes off for a few weeks and i made such a good verbal plan saying id do an email and a summary im weeeeeks behind on on tuesday evening and prep for class today (didnt prep but it went okay anyway) and today i would have gone to class and to skating with a healthy meal (check check check) and come home to sign up and send the other email thats been bugging me, and then do my report due midnight i havent even started on. said id work after midnight if it was taking so long so id have it done..... i had a nap instead. not even a god damn shower i was planning to have tuesday and now its 3 am on thursday. ayy. sure i could skip classes tomorrow to shower and clean my room and maybe complete a task before i drag myself to an archery arrow lesson and badminton after (no thatll be fun, but ill be back rly late) but ive skipped so many classes and i wana see and be with my friends i might as well go, and if i get abandoned work on work somewhere in between classes and maybe actually get something done? gasp. shock. and still get home and do smth like clean and do dishes to be productive while anticipating fun thing, do it and come home and actually sleep bc im fuckin that over eh. but fuck. its not just that i have 1 overdue summary from two weeks ago, i have another summary due thursday night. maybe, in between classes i could do both, miraculous i guess yes but would be cool. do two summaries, send off both and an apology email for the other, take the spare chance to book myself another experiment if theyre still running and if not send an apology email bc i missed one in class one and ask what now. and then maybe even since the calendar is out get my 3 planned viewings booked so that i can see them b4 going back home and dont get fucked. maybe even add the corrections i got yesterday to my other report. wow wouldnt that be great. i could do them now but i should get to sleep right now heres hoping ill remember the corrections then. and then id need to look at the video for the assignment that was due yesterday and bring up the files and find the debrief and begin filling it in and maybe email researcher if i need to, and do the easy part. so that maybe logical me in a clean room will fill in the ethics part between classes on friday or after class or gasp on saturday bc im not going to st andrews after all... its a lot.. i hate that two days are wasted already. ugh. uGH. well get by. lets just try stay positive, now im going to sleep and wake up to go to my 11 class prepared to do some easy work between classes. yes yes. its probably weird that who ever has read this far has read all this shit and maybe i should just keep my shit personal and not post on my main blog bc surprisingly its open to anyone who just slightly would wanna see it,and though you likely dont know me in person its a bit weird huh idk. maybe this is here so my cousin can read it if she happens to , maybe its so that you can read it and be like ya i do that and i think like that too pretty cool im not alone, maybe its for me to read back and not have to be exposed to my worst ugly vents on my plain vent blog and can remain positive thomaybe not. its under read more anyway. lets try bury it guys. 

[technewss15-blog]

Funny To A Point – Super Mario Odyssey Is 2017's Most Political Game

Let's face it, folks: 2017 has been a rough year. From politics to world events to entertainment news, watching 2017 unfold has been a bit like watching Game of Thrones – only every episode is The Red Wedding, and the scene has been going on for 12 months instead of a few gut-wrenching minutes. The worse things get, the more thankful I am for video games, which offer the occasional and much-needed respite from reality.

That's not to say that video games can't or shouldn't address important real-life issues, like war, mental health, and which alien you would sex up if you were captain of the U.S.S. Hornball. It's just that every now and then it's nice to set aside the grueling choices of post-apocalyptic worlds and play something that is unabashedly fun.

Many gamers have pointed to Super Mario Odyssey as the elephant-sized suppository of joy that 2017 needed, including G.I.'s own Matt Miller, who recently made the case for naming it game of the year. After struggling to enjoy Zelda for the past few weeks, Odyssey's light-hearted romp sounded like just the ticket, so I triple-jumped right in while doing my best “Wahooooo!”

What greeted me in Odyssey, however, frankly shocked me. Sure, the mustachioed plumber appears as pudgy charming and oblivious carefree as ever, but beneath the saccharine-sweet visuals lies the most brazenly political game of 2017 – if not ever! I'm not sure why most video game journalists have glossed over Odyssey's outrageous political agenda (I'm guessing it's a conspiracy), but just like the series' previous hidden messages, I'm devoted to exposing the truth to my beloved readers. As such, I personally authorized and performed an all-encompassing investigation into the many political messages that bombard players in Super Mario Odyssey. Here are my findings.

POLITICAL AGENDA #1: CLIMATE CHANGEMario travels to a bunch of wacky mash-up worlds in Odyssey, but one of the first lands he visits beats players over the head with its ham-fisted political message. What message, you ask? I'll tell you right now! Tostarena is clearly designed to terrify players with its grim outlook on the ramifications of climate change. Think about it: A desert plagued by pillars of ice; a local population thrust into turmoil; a frozen-treat vendor forced out of business – we get it, Nintendo, you have an agenda! The only Inconvenient Truth here is that Nintendo has sacrificed fun gameplay to take a political stand. Sad!

POLITICAL AGENDA #2: FRACKINGUnfortunately, the political soapboxing in Odyssey's Desert Kingdom doesn't stop there. While not as blatant as its hot take on climate change, the in-game brochure for Tostarena contains a pointed argument against fracking, warning that “extensive hollowing underground” in the area has led to dangerous pockets of quicksand. Nintendo's goal here is shamefully apparent: Every time a player sinks to their doom, they will be slowly and subconsciously turned against the fracking industry. It's downright diabolical!

POLITICAL AGENDA #3: ENERGYDespite the game's stance on climate change, Mario is still clearly pushing fossil fuels when it comes to energy consumption, which I can only assume is for his own personal gain. The evidence? Not only is the second world Mario visits called Fossil FALLS (hello again, subliminal messaging), but Mario frequently transforms into a bolt of lightning to zap around electrical grids – and there's not a solar panel in sight. If that's not conclusive enough for you, Mario spends the entire game mining precious Power Moons to fuel his ship. That's way worse than fossil fuels! Obviously the fat-cat energy lobbyists of Mushroom Kingdom have Mario in their pocket, and he's more than happy to shove renewable energy to the wayside in order to make them happy.

POLITICAL AGENDA #4: MASS SURVEILLANCE Mass surveillance and personal privacy have become hot-button issues in the past few years, and Mario apparently isn't a fan of either. When he's not using his magic hat to take direct control of sentient creatures (so much for the Bill of Rights!), he's using it to spy on them via surveillance drones. These mobile cameras shoot way up into the sky to give Mario an unobstructed view into everyone else's business. But hey, he's the good guy, so I guess we should just happily hand over all of our private information to The Man, right? Nice try, Nintendo!

POLITICAL AGENDA #5: GUN CONTROLIt may technically be portrayed as bullet control, but Nintendo's stance is still blatantly obvious: The ranged projectiles are an ever-present threat to Mario, unless he controls them, in which case everything is fine. The fact that it's presented in an abstract way might fool you into thinking it's harmless, but trust me: Your brain knows what's going on.

POLITICAL AGENDA #6: GAMBLINGOh look, another pet project for Mario: Pushing gambling on children. Today it's a few in-game coins to win a Power Moon; tomorrow it's your life savings at the nearest casino. How much do you want to bet Luigi is in Vegas right now setting up a Mario Bros.-branded hotel so that the two of them can reap the profits of an entire generation of tween gambling addicts? Wait, don't bet – see, it's already working!

POLITICAL AGENDA #7: INCOME INEQUALITYWho better to try and sell trickle-down economics to the masses than a plumber? Nintendo once again opts for the heavy-handed approach when it comes to advocating its stance on the economy; every time Mario visits a new land, he plunders it for as much money as he can get, despite having already amassed a fortune in the thousands. That may not sound like much, but don't forget these are gold coins we're talking about! Sure, he may spend a few hundred coins here and there on souvenirs and hats, but the bulk of his ill-gotten gains are ferried straight out of the local economy as soon as he decides to resume his elitist, globe-trotting lifestyle – and you just know he's got a tax shelter set up in an offshore bank in Seaside Kingdom. And yet Nintendo wants you to believe that everything is hunky-dory with this scenario: Everyone else is too happy singing and dancing to notice that they're broke. Go figure.

POLITICAL AGENDA #8: JOBSMario's schemes to line his pockets don't end there. He also takes the side of soulless corporations when it comes to job automation. After all, why pay flesh-and-blood workers when you can replace them with robots that will do their jobs for free? Nintendo's rosy stance on automation portrays Steam Gardens as a veritable utopia, with robots merrily wandering around and watering the land's lush flora. All the unemployed gardeners and their now-destitute families? Nowhere to be seen. Funny how that works…

Coming Up Next: More startling examples of how Super Mario Odyssey is shoving politics down our throats…

Funny To A Point – Super Mario Odyssey Is 2017’s Most Political Game was originally published on Tech News Center