#I've really dropped off as an online person nowadays no one knows i exist

[gralunaisland]

yeah that subsection of pros always felt off to me. There's also a popular colourist (also an adult) that stalked an account they were blocked by on twitter to bitch and make fun of how said account didn't believe gruvia fell under the enemies to lovers trope. That teacher the prev anon mentioned defended the colourist by using her age old 'excuse' about how the internet is a public space and that what you post is free to be viewed & commented on in ways you like or dislike. (1/2)

Short Rant About Childish Behavior in Arguments and Hypocrisy

I combined your two asks so it’s easier to respond!

(Side question, I’ve noticed a few of my askers send their ask in 2 parts, and I’m wondering if I somehow have a limit imposed on how long my asks can be, because I’ve sent a pretty long ask to another blog and it let me do it all in one go. Idk if limits for asks is even a thing. If anyone knows what the issue is, because I checked my settings and I don’t see what’s wrong, please do drop a comment/ask! Thanks!)

Honestly, it's just really saddening, that there are so many grown adults who feel justified with harassing people online. I don't think they realize (or choose to ignore) just how many people have committed s*icide because of cyber bullying. It's a real problem, and these types of people are the ones creating it.

First of all, I suppose it's not too surprising this bully of a person would stalk someone who even actively tried to distance themself from them by blocking the bully because that's exactly what their lord and savior juvia lockser would do.

(Remember, y'all, not all Pros are like this, I'd bet most of them aren't, but there really is a subsection of them that act exactly like her).

It really makes me mad that the bullied person was just giving their opinion, a very valid opinion, on what trope they think gr///via is not, and this colorist decided that was fair grounds to mock them and insult them. Again, she's a FICTIONAL CHARACTER! Thinking someone's harmless opinions on a piece of fiction is wrong is negative grounds to mock and insult someone.

Honestly, what's wrong with people nowadays?? I've tried to have calm discussions with people online on things that we disagree over, not even just about gr///via, and more often than not, even if it starts out respectful, it devolves into them making all these assumptions about me and insulting me to high heaven. Even when I call them out on it, and question them by asking, "Do you honestly feel good about yourself for using ad hominem? (which is a fallacy where one attacks you as a person instead of the argument.) Do you feel mature by insulting someone and attacking them just over a disagreement?", and they always seem to say "You don't deserve my respect because you're an idiot" or "a bigoted troglodyte" (that one was new) etc. etc.

These types of people just don't care that about the effect of their words. And the fact they can't see that they only make themselves look like "idiots" or "bigoted troglodytes" or just people who don't have any good arguments is seriously concerning. No matter if someone has a wrong opinion, the moment you insult them is the moment you lose.

Which is worse, being wrong or being a nasty, childish human being? (Imma say the latter every time).

Enough about that rant, back to what you said, Anon.

Hoo boy is this alleged Pro gr///via teacher just continuing to be a grade A disappointment. You're right to put "excuse" in parentheses, because saying "it's a public space" is never a valid reason to be mean to someone. Sure, you have the right to say whatever you want, but that doesn't make you a good or decent human being who should feel proud of themselves. Besides, these are the same people who tell Anti's we have no right to speak about why we don't like gr///via and who mock the existence of Anti blogs like myself on a regular basis, so they're most definitely hypocritical.

Speaking of hypocritical, your second ask shows just how ridiculous some of these people are. I saw a post with that scene where Gray hands Lucy his coat to cover her up, and some Pros continue to be delusional to pretend that GraLu has no chemistry or potential.

They're honestly probably just threatened that there's someone out there that just works better with and is better for Gray and so lash out at GraLu shippers to try and make themselves feel assured that they're the ones in the right. If Pros were really confident and content and happy with their own ship, they wouldn't care that other people ship something that they don't agree with. Shipping is a personal preference thing anyway. But nooo, if anyone dares to suggest that Gray might like someone other than their disgusting queen juvia, they must be publicly shamed until they never step out of line again.

Really, I don't think there's anything wrong with taking almost any scene as a scene that supports their ship for themselves (if it's not something morally abhorrent like p*dophilia or the like of course) if they know the reality of their ship. "Ship moments" shouldn't only describe canonically and intentionally endgame romantic moments between characters; it could be anything, from merely talking to each other, the tone when they do, the facial expressions when they look or speak to or about the other, even when they're just standing next to each other in a scene or a cover image-- it could be anything!

Shippers can headcanon whatever they want, and they can even show other people these scenes and remark on the cuteness or the chemistry of their ship. Pros who want to bash the daydreams of GraLu shippers (or shippers who ship Gray with ANYONE besides juvia) clearly don't trust the chemistry (*cough* the absolute lack thereof *cough*) between Gray and juvia to keep their own ship alive, so the only way they can make their ship seem better is to invalidate all other shippers. I talked about that in this post of mine, which I'm pretty happy with, and a quote I'm taking from that post is "It just shows how insecure you are if you have to invalidate every other ship you don’t approve of in order to feel like your ship is the best or valid."

(It's only when people truly and mistakenly believe that two characters who aren't canonically in love are actually in love and that that's what the author wants that there is a problem, at least concerning their interactions with other people in the fandom. I believe it's just a great way to anger other fans and make yourself look sort of foolish and ignorant. In the end of course, it's not that big a deal, and other people shouldn't treat it as such and should just go about their day because either this person is trolling or is simply and innocently mistaken.)

As a GraLu shipper myself, I soak in allll of the sweet or comedic or downright romantic moments between Gray and Lucy. I even made a list where I documented these moments so I could go back and watch them from my most recent watch-through. But I know the reality is that Mashima sucks at writing romance, and they're not canon or endgame. It's clear that gr///via will have its way with Fairy Tail 100yq no matter what is ethical and good for Gray.

But even knowing the reality of GraLu, it makes no sense that "I wouldn't be allowed" to ship it, since Pros can't tell me what to do (remember y'all, I give all the reasons why people shouldn't ship gr///via, not that no one isn't allowed to), and Pros aren't better than non-canonical shippers because, as I said in this post, canonicity doesn't equal admirability, and it's a perfectly healthy ship! And as I touched on, Pros don't get to define what is considered to be a shippable moment. They're seriously being the delusional ones if they really think a guy, who's blushing profusely, being kind and gentlemanly and offering his jacket to his naked friend, who is herself blushing, isn't romantic or the least bit sweet.

Anyway, I'm glad that other people called them out for their actually dumb take. Glad to know that there are still sane people in this fandom. Now, I wouldn't excuse anyone from stalking people who've blocked them or if they tag correctly or asked them to stop harassing them or what-not, and if an Anti or a GraLu shipper was doing so to the colorist, then that was wrong. But you're exactly right that the "teacher" was being hypocritical and biased by giving their own ally a pass and then condemning others for doing the exact same thing.

And these Pros really want to go there?? They want to go so far as to call GraLu shippers "delusional"?? I've found a lot of the loud Pros to be the delusional ones, where they straight up ignore any of juvia's bad qualities and her damaging effect on Gray and her surroundings and then bash Gray for not wanting to date her as if his consent isn't important and he has no say in the matter. If they were to admit this ship was toxic, that's one thing, but many Pros I've talked to deny any sort of toxicity from juvia at all. They sound exactly like juvia, blissfully ignorant of her misdeeds and willing to attack others who cross her.

Anyway, I hope this rant-y post made sense, and I hope it wasn't too long haha! Thank you so much for the ask and for sharing the annoying and hypocritical moments from the teacher and from a Pro; they're always fun to read!

[hanyameneroka]

it's 2020 (2)

in december last year, i started thinking about starting a new blog or creating a website or something of the type for myself. at first i experimented with squarespace because it’s so beautiful and easy to use, but there's no free version available (what a mistake). then i played around with my old wordpress account, but the interface is still so clunky and unappealing that i gave up after a day.

then i remembered! tumblr exists! this lovely blue microcosm full of stressed out millennials that don't care that the website is dying because it reminds them of a simpler time, that keeps me coming back year after year even as it fades into obsolescence!

so here i am. at first i wanted this to be a bit more of a professional "look what i've done!" type of page to generate freelance gigs, but meh. i am not a commodity. i am a person who sometimes does things: events, marketing, design, words and photographs. i do these things mostly for fun, but occasionally professionally - more deets on my linkedin lol. i'll share things here sometimes, when i feel like it, and if you feel like there's a way we can work together - call me, beep me, if you wanna reach me! i'm v open.

if not, then i'll just post here when i feel like i have something to share.

today, the main thing on my mind is: how we share things online. it's on my mind today because i'm here, because i'm doing this, and also because of this conversation i had with a friend last night.

we were sitting on the steps at clarke quay around 11pm, surrounded by teenagers, feeling old, and reflecting on how things used to be when we were younger (as you do when you're on the cusp of 30 and confronting the passage of time). and we started to talk about what it means nowadays to post something online, when there's a deluge of content being generated every day. none of it really matters, and nothing is all that significant. most of what you post today will be forgotten by tomorrow (if not 10 seconds after it's viewed). for the most part, you're just shouting into a void and the only advantage is that sometimes, your friends shout back.

when we were teenagers, posting things online used to be so significant. the things you posted had meaning. when you shared a song online, you weren't just doing it because the song was such a banger, you were using the lyrics to send a subtle message to that one dude in malay class who needed to get a clue! you'd analyse blog posts to figure out what they meant by that one line at the bottom of the post that didn't seem to be alluding to anything, but actually meant everything!

it was a weird time.

for the most part, i honestly thought i'd graduated from such activities. "i'm two years away from thirty," i'd think when such thoughts occur to me, "i'm too old to be playing such games."

but let's be real. of course i still care when that one person views my story, or likes my post. of course i pay attention when a friend drops off my radar, and pops back up again unexpectedly. of course i wonder what someone means when they post something that seems like a subtweet, and of course i wonder what they're talking about. should i care about these things? i don't know. but do i? of course. and i'm sure everyone cares about these things to a certain extent.

this isn't something that's exclusive to teenagers. it's human nature to be curious, it's human nature to notice what the people you care about do online. denying that you care is silly and futile. these things do matter - even if they matter very little, even if they only matter to you. and it's okay to care about these things.

i'm only writing this now to remind MYSELF that it's okay, because for the longest time i denied that i cared about these things and deliberately tried not to pay attention, because i thought i had "grown past it". i haven't. and i'm not sure that anyone out there really does.

[ineedrelationshipadvice]

I'm turning 26 next week and still haven't been in a relationship. I've always focussed on my studies and work and am currently towards the end of my PhD which left me with almost no time for relationships. I feel like I am too late to the game. I've tried online dating recently and met a couple guys but didn't click. A couple guys ghosted me too. What can I do to find a good relationship? I am pretty outgoing and involved in lots of college clubs too but still haven't met anyone. Please help!

It’s hard to really diagnose the problem here, just because it doesn’t seem you know the exact reason for your issue is either. So I think that this is a good time for some soul-searching. We need to try to figure out what the heart of this dateless spell really is so we can move past it. 

You mention that you’ve always focused on your studies and work, and that’s good! It’ll benefit you very long into your life. The most obvious problem is that you’re likely very career-focused, as you admit yourself. You dump all your time into the important shit, but neglect the romantic shit on the backend, and now it’s coming to bite you in the butt. This isn’t a bad thing, because a PhD is way more important than some silly romantic flings. 

Another thing to mention is that although you feel like you’re late to the party, you’re not. You’re only 26. You have literally your whole life ahead of you, and although most people (at least in western countries) tend to have lots of raucous, rabid sex in their youthful 20s, that doesn’t mean having intelligent, capable, mature sex in your 30s is going to be bad. Hell, you’re arguably arriving to the party JUST ON TIME. While everyone else was blowing through romantic partners left and right, and having life-ending relationships every few months, you’re entering the dating pool right around the time when the majority of the dating pool is looking to buckle down and get serious about something long-term. 

The tricky part about diagnosing your problem is, because of the way you describe yourself, it sounds like you’d easily meet people. What I can say first off is that online dating, as great as it can be, can also be a total crapshoot. There are no guarantees with finding good partners there. Hell, it’s awesome you met anyone at all! Ghosting is also common nowadays, so don’t get yourself down. This is normal behaviour. You can’t expect every first date to be fantastic, and if you’re actually looking for a quality relationship, it’s better that these minor dates fizzle out and are lame; if they weren’t what you were looking for, good, you can immediately move on. If someone ghosts you, same deal. They clearly don’t give a shit about talking to you or have other things to do, so you can calmly move on with your own life. It can be disheartening to meet a nice person and then be ghosted, yeah. But honestly, imagine how many people who would like to ask you out on the daily while you walk around campus who just don’t; you can’t be mad at a missed connection, because there was nothing there to begin with. 

Another thing to remember: you have to assume that of the people you see/engage with online dating, you can only assume this is about 5% of the dateable population. Let’s be generous and say it’s 10%; that still means 9/10 people you could be dating right now are probably not online. And this is assuming big enough statistics as 5% - 10%. I live in a metropolis that has around 6,603,870 people in the general area. That means the dateable people online in my area are 330,193. I don’t really want to date a guy right now, so let’s cut that figure in half, meaning my actual pool of dateable candidates is 165,096. 

That’s still a lot of people. But how many of those people won’t like me because of my appearance, or my age, or my hobbies/interests? Vice versa, how many of them will I instantly be turned off by for any number of reasons? If we assume I don’t like half of the people I see online - which let’s be honest, I probably am more picky than that - even at 50% that leaves me with a dateable population of 82,548. And that doesn’t factor in people who don’t like me, so that number could imaginably be in the 40k or 20k range, especially when you factor in I’m a extremely progressive person deep in a conservative state. And we should also factor in age. I’m not interested in dating anyone under 18, so that cuts out a lot of people, but I also don’t want to date anyone over 35, so that cuts out even more. 

See how all the various factors we have limit us so greatly? If you’re really on the prowl online, it means you’re going to be necessity cast a small net, and you’re diving into a very big ocean where other people are probably casting small nets. The fact that you caught any fish is the surprising truth. 

____________

How to fix these odds? 

First, BIGGER NETS. Open up your options. What age ranges are acceptable to you? Two years older and younger? Four years? Six? We don’t want to date anyone illegally, obvious, but if age is not a super important factor for you, it can be a very artificial limiter for you. Keep in mind, if your age settings on a site like tinder aren’t broad, it means you literally WILL NOT SEE ANYONE  - potentially awesome people - just based on their age alone. Including people who swipe right on you. 

Next, MORE NETS! Why use Tinder when you can use Tinder, OKCupid, and any other amazing apps that exist for online dating?! There are tons, and those two are my favourites that I consistently recommend. Do your research, find the ones that suit your style, and be active on all of them. The more places you’re active, the more bodies of water you’re fishing in for a potential good catch. 

Finally, BE BOLD. You seem like an extroverted person. Put yourself in social situations where you’re likely to encounter single people. Go to parties or other club gatherings and meet people you don’t know. Remember, 5-10% are online, meaning 95-90% are IRL somewhere out there. Ask your friends if they know any cute people who are single, and if they would be willing to connect you two. Or try out speed dating events that might be in your area. 

As an extra final note, remember that your place of residence has a lot to do with the amount of singles in your area. Remember, I live in a city of 6mil. If you live in a town of 20k, the math drops precipitously on your prospects. Consider online dating if that’s the case!