#I've ranted to like 3 different people about this already but genuinely why the fuck did she think that was OK to do

[melmedarda]

I’m sorry to jump in your inbox with that long af rant, but I’ve been lurking and loving every Meljay post of yours since day one and I need to scream in the void.

I’m inconsolable over how bad the writing of acts 2 and 3 was, it literally feels like it was written by a completely different team. What even was that conversation, it sounded like they asked ChatGPT to write a scene based on top 50 tweets about Mel and Jayce after 1x05 aired back in the days.

I’ve never in 15 years seen a ship so cruelly ruined, because how are people supposed to continue at all tolerating Jayce with that idiotically out of character dialogue in 2x08 between him and Mel? What a fucking bad way to treat fans, having them invested all the way until literally the last moment, it already was bad with how the majority of people (fandom, reactors, obviously the artists too) were “interpreting” Mel (if you can even call it that, cause interpretation requires media literacy), but now they have left us so burnt that I'm betting there aren’t even going to be fix-it fics because they. Just. Ruined. Jayce, so bad. And I still love the well written (still flawed tho!) Jayce from 3x01 (setting up a way more natural conflict-to-be-resolved path when he made those weapons five minutes after Mel vowed to protect his dream), but damn, I love Mel so much more, I really don’t know how to cope with all that. Only people who’ve had the luck to not have been treated as that husk of an AU Jayckass treated our girl can’t see the amount of PTSD that scene can trigger in a woman. I am so frustrated with how the creators treated her trauma and slashed the wounds wide open with both that and “You are the wolf”, I genuinely don’t know how to cope.

And the worst part is all of this could have been resolved with a single touch and him being open to her – like he always have been – just tell her he’s doomed instead of showing us a highly specific and unrelated two frames of the voidy-looking infection on his forearm spreading every time he is on screen. Even if that is one of their “yes we meant that all along we just wanted to show not tell it” like with the whole idiotic Sky/Viktor backstory that Overton “spilled” the other day. Jayce has been able to see through Mel’s shields the moment he saw her painting and was always shown to admire her intellectual prowess, he’d never leave her hanging like that.

If they wanted to write a Shakespearean tragedy so bad they made this intro scream “look at us, we gave you Greek last time, now it’s all about good ol’ Billy” why not have Jayce make the same impossible choice (as they brilliantly and am starting to think accidentally?) made Silco do in 1x09, having him choose between his love for Zaun and his love for Jinx, drawing one final parallel between the two men and closing that loop with Jayce/Silco carrying Viktor’s/Jinx’s body and infusing them with the deus ex machina. It was right there staring them at their faces, have Jayce choose between his love for Mel and his love for his brother.

What a spectacular failure of writing, what an even more monumental failure of the artists to come out with those comments, so now I don’t even want to praise their talent, because they should have kept their mouths fucking shut and stuck to drawing.

Sorry to dump this in your ask, can you tell I’m still reeling.

Please, please, do you have any headcanons, I need crumbs, I need to heal my soul and Mel’s.

Lovely anon you've but into words what all Meljay fans are feeling, I think. I cannot lie, I've been trying to let go of the ship. Withdraw sort of, especially since that was the ending we got. But I've had them for three years, and they've sunk their claws too deeply to me. I'm still thinking of them even now. I'm going to make the most of their divorce era, and I'm going to make them return to each other in ever single AU ever. Because Arcane S2 act #3 is not my Meljay. Also, AU Jayckass had me bursting out in laughter!

On the topic of headcanons. I have one in which when Vik tells Jayce to go back, Jayce does. He returns to Piltover but too much time has past, Mel has already burned his name and departed across the waters to Rokrund. Jayce knows he's done her wrong, realizes he's been blinded, and he does his best to atone in Piltover and Zaun, writing letters to Mel. Letters that go unanswered. And then eventually, he goes to Rokrund, and finds a different woman, one stronger and colder than he had known. He loves her anyways, and spends his years winning her back. And when he has groveled sufficiently, Mel takes him back. He sort of grounds her, so that she does not remain the wolf all the time. So that she does not become her mother.

[r0bee]

Remembering that time I spilled a bowl of surgical spirit onto my lap and it dried to look like I'd pissed myself 😐 no one noticed except me bc it wasn't that obvious but also that was worse than the fact I'd poured chemicals directly onto myself

[pixiecaps]

i hope you're already asleep it's so late for you but on the topic of the finale ending honestly i understand why people are so upset by it, i think it royally sucks, but imo it was created entirely because they really needed some way to wrap things up and i think almost everyone would agree that it shouldn't have and wouldn't have ended that way had things been different and had the server not needed to end so abruptly.

like idk you KNOW i'm a canon compliant guy but for this thing specifically i genuinely don't consider it canon and think it should fully be ignored, and i think basically everyone involved would be fine with that. also honestly in my mind everything purgatory and after is non-canonical in that it shouldn't have happened either and the reset is definitely not canon so that makes it easier for me to ignore it completely. i think what players and admins stated about their characters is canonical within reason and otherwise i don't think any of it matters all that much because of how the server ended. like to me i know the reality is that that is how it ended and we don't have any other ending to go off of but because of the circumstances there's just no way i could consider it canon and i already spend all my time dreaming up ways to rewrite all the shit that happened before then, nevermind a garbage hastily written ending that only wrapped up one plot thread (the eggs) and didn't even do that correctly (it completely retconned so much about the eggs and i know a lot of lore got retconned and changed over time but it's particularly agregious).

idk where i'm going with this insane rant in your inbox i really don't i just wanted to give my thoughts on that ending and how i take it as a fandom creator because i often see people treating it like it was a legitimate ending even though they hated it and i'm like this is fandom!!! we can ignore it entirely!!! in fact many characters' endings explicitly defy that ending, that was just the way to wrap up the idea of the egg event in some way that made sense. i totally get people being upset by it, i was too, but i was also upset by the previous. five months? of stuff so i kind of can't be bothered to be annoyed by this particular thing.

again this is nonsensical i'm just saying i think we should all ignore it and i've been saying that since the day of bc it was just so obviously not the kind of ending that would've been written under different circumstances. let's all make up better endings forever and ever amen.

anyway hi pix if you're reading this in the morning i hope you got beautiful sleep and dreamt of snoopy and roier all night

hiii 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶 i was in fact asleep by the time you sent this:3

that was another point i discussed with someone els where yeah it sucked because they had to wrap it up and “tie everything together” so i agree on that. everything with the qsmp ending wouldve been different under different circumstances.

you’re incredibly real for not considering canon up to a certain point where everything got messy. i think since we’re both very canon compliant people you can understand where im coming from with that frustration and being irked by how everything played out. it was going so well and then 📉📉📉. and heres the thing you know how much i love purgatory okay cause i do but god its truly one of those events where it shouldve been explicitly uncanon i feeeeel. so much of the lore it introduced and everything clashed with everything we had already established and not informing the creators of anything was such a poor choice. but anyways you already know the whole rant.

i do appreciate the reminder of its fandom who cares. i live by that i just get Even More emotional when sleep deprived and was like wow fuck everything and this stupid fucking ending so thats why i made those posts kkkkkkkk. but ye GOOD REMINDERS ITS FANDOM ENDINGS ARE OPEN TO REWRITES AND OUR OWN INTERPRETATIONS!!!!!!!

i did get beautiful sleep ty bell<3333 i hope you got beautiful sleep as well<3333

[itsclydebitches]

Have you seen the posts going around saying shit like "If a mutual likes Hazbin Hotel I will block them"?? It's genuinely upsetting me tbh, not just the idea that people don't like the show, but that they despise it so much they can't even stand the thought of someone they know liking the show. It reminds me of the Steven Universe hate train only worse. They also say shit like "the show is just someone saying swear words and expecting you to laugh", and if for a second we put aside the fact that that is blatantly not true, what's wrong with that? I'm allowed to like something that's a bit trash, right? I've already seen two different people I follow reblog posts to that effect (and worse, someone saying all a character boils down to is "i love being sexually abused <3" and i don't know how they ever came to that conclusion) and it's driving me mad. And somehow I just know that they don't actually give a shit about any "controversies" surrounding vivziepop, that's just a convenient excuse for most of them. I don't even care if Vivzie is a bad person, that's none of my business. just live and let live, you know?

Sorry for ranting, you're literally the only blog i follow who posts Hazbin fan content

Rant away, friend! Luckily for me I haven't come across any of those posts yet. Plenty of discourse surrounding whether fans are allowed to make romantic and/or sexual content for Alastor, the expected shipping wars, and - as you say - vague references to Vivzie controversies (which I'm too new a fan to even be aware of yet)... but nothing that's a complete rejection of the show itself. That's probably because I've only engaged with blogs posting a lot of Hazbin content though.

I'm a big fan of old school Internet rules which includes an emphasis on cultivating your own online space. You know, the thing tumblr is explicitly designed for. So in theory I applaud anyone blocking users/tags for a show they're not a fan of. Performatively posting about it more as a way to guilt others for liking Hazbin at all... not so much. If you want to block something just block it. If you're mutuals with someone you both presumably like each others' content. Not all of it necessarily, but enough to have followed in the first place, and often being mutuals for long enough leads to friendship because you're both getting interacting with one another a lot. All of which isn't to say that people don't unfollow mutuals, or that you can't drop a mutual because they've started posting something you dislike. Obviously both situations do happen, but it feels like an extreme enough response that these posters probably aren't actually doing this very often. Most people will wait the mutual out until their interest gets hooked on something new, or block the Hazbin tag and keep the friend, or just block without making a big announcement about it. So posts like that feel more like a way to show off how much you dislike the show and guilt others for their enjoyment which yeah, can be upsetting to see. Especially when, as you say, it costs nothing to just let people like things.

Which might sound hypocritical on my part given my RWBY interests, but I think there's a big difference between critically examining a show while supporting others who genuinely love it, and simplistically blasting it. I COMPLETELY get why Hazbin wouldn't be to everyone's tastes and, like with the SU example, anything that gets popular enough is going to develop its haters (especially cartoons trying to tackle non-childish subjects. That's always going to be a fandom landmine). But if you're going to make claims about a show, at least watch it to ensure you can back up your stance? And if your takeaway is still, "This is the worst fucking thing I've ever watched"... cool. Go forth and write about that on your own, personal blog. But no one should be surprised when they're also blocked for bragging about how many Hazbin fans they've blocked.

[dootznbootz]

I saw your rant post about Odysseus x Zeus (or whatever else that is) and honestly I feel like epic fandom in general doesn't treat it to be that deep. You are of course allowed to have a negative reaction to it, but honestly there are so many people making "Odysseus adopts Astyanax AU" as well and treating it as a lighthearted thing when it was literally infanticide. People have fun in AU without thinking too much about the morality of it because it's all fiction. But certain fictional characters can also make us emotional because they are relatable or dear to us, but we can't expect all people to feel the same for fictional charas. I hope this helps you a bit and I have blocked the big artists that support this AU (nothing against them, I just don't wanna see it) so you can do the same for some peace.

Anon, this is genuinely really really sweet. 🥺 Thank you for your kindness. I appreciate it <3

ngl, it just felt nice to vent. I usually try to keep my "angry" takes private but it did feel nice to let it out :)

And I know I can't really "stop it" lol. And even if I'm not a fan of something, I NEVER wanna stop people from making art. I still think there's complexity in that, but in the blankest terms, Art should be of anything. (and definitely folks should not like, "witchhunt" the people who make this AU. that's not cool. Don't do that.)

And someone else in the replies kind of explained how it's mostly the kind of absurdity of the situation that like, "makes it humorous". Like a "pigs could fly" thing. I don't completely understand it but it kind of makes sense. (My neurodivergent, traumatized ass got all worked up lol)

I mean I'm already not the biggest fan of "Whump" and this whole AU felt like "Whump but we're laughing at and making fun of the Whumpee"

I mean as you mentioned with the whole "Astayanax lives AU", idk, while to me it feels... like it's removing the point of both HIS sad story AND Epic's "Just a Man" and it's impact on Odysseus. It STILL is like, a "fix-it AU". granted it's fucked that that poor baby isn't with his mother as he should be but it's still a "yay! Happy things!" sorta AU. It's removing the infantcide lol.

I mean even Epic with it removing Odysseus' SAs from the Goddesses. Still showing his discomfort and distress but he also doesn't need to go through it like in the actual Odyssey. Another "Fix-it" type of AU.

This whole thing was just... very funky for me. Odysseus is already called a manwhore because people do NOT see what is blatantly in the text. And it being treated as something funny just... yeah. ;~;

Helen kind of portrays it best but there's this feeling sometimes of even after what happened and you know it's not your fault, you still feel like some "whore". There's a lot of victimblaming in fandom AND irl.

And I've noticed there's this...common thing I've seen?? Where folks (especially men) who were victims of SA are often portrayed and/or talked about as though they are natually "promiscuous" and that's why what happened to them happened. I mean look at how often Helen is portrayed as a dumb bimbo who "fell in love" with Paris. >:( even if that may be the exact opposite of their feelings and/or wants.

I mean, there's Asterion from BG3 for example. I have not played the game yet (though I really really want tooo) but from the sounds of it, he was "owned" by someone else and you are there with him when he is finally free. And it sounds like he is kind of the most "vanilla" and/or least interested in sex canonically but there's still a lot of stuff that portrays him as very sexual and/or promiscuous.

Hypersexuality is a common coping mechanism/aftermath ofc, but that's a bit of a different conversation lol.

When the whole "Odysseus x Zeus AU" first happened, I was just kind of like "mmm, okay, no thank." but as it got bigger and bigger and with it kind of becoming more...Crude?? And with some of the language used it just really messed with me.

I don't ship Odysseus with anyone other than Penelope but even with folks who ship him with others, I've still thankfully never run into coercion and/or assault with those relationships. Honestly if it was just Zeus x Odysseus, I'd be like "oh dang, not for me" and then just move on but with it being to SAVE his friends? The same thing that happened before? yeh.... I still want a tag that I can block. lol

idk why I rambled so long but it felt nice. :) Again, thank you for your kindness, Dear Anon. <3 I appreciate it.

[butchhamlet]

hi it's me again im the anon who dropped about 800 words about ocd hamlet a couple weeks ago (maybe longer, time has been weird for me lately).. it made me soo happy to see it resonated with you and with some other people who reblogged it as well!! i've been projecting on hamlet ever since i read it and it feels like every time i read it i learn more about him AND me... and ever since Symptoms showed up he's been even dearer to me and im just so glad people like my interpretation as well :)

i hope it's ok for me to do this again because i want to talk about what if lady macbeth has ocd also. and i know this is sort of well. dangerous if that's the right word because 1) lady macbeth IS the villain in her play even if i love her from the bottom of my heart and i support everything she does and ocd is already an incredibly stigmatised and misunderstood 2) hand washing is possibly THE most stereotyped compulsion that sort of epitomises this really warped view of ocd in the public consciousness. i personally do not have handwashing as a compulsion or really any physical compulsions that are direct responses to my intrusive thoughts so i will try to be really really careful when im talking about this. + other disclaimers: again while i have definitely experienced symptoms of ocd i do not know if i have it and i am NOT diagnosed + ocd experiences are different for everyone + you cannot diagnose a character because they are not real + this one is mostly projection and is more a frame of reading than it is an interpretation grounded in textual evidence (esp since i will be talking about the sleepwalking asleep a LOT and she is technically, well. sleeping.) so just. take everything with a pinch of salt and please let me know if i ever overstep!!

im mainly going to be drawing on experiences close to real event ocd even though i know that typically real event ocd is defined by the fact that the sufferer blows their past mistakes way out of proportion and/or question their memories, and i guess i cannot say that lady macbeth’s guilt is completely unjustified because uh. she did kill a man.! but i do think her behaviours after the murder reflects what i’ve seen people speak about online as well as some of the experiences i’ve had. 

guilt as illness

this is more general to the whole play i guess but i wanted to point out how the consequences of the macbeths’ regicide is absolutely portrayed as a disease. there’s a LOT of foreshadowing in lady macbeth’s advice to her husband in the immediate aftermath of their murder: she tells him not to “think / so brain sickly of things”, and says, “these deeds must not be thought / after these ways so, it will make us mad”. (2.ii) the doctor later alludes to “infected minds” (5.i) in relation to lady macbeth’s madness. the fact that the fixation on guilt is seen as an illness i think fits so well with ocd: whenever im having a bad day with intrusive thoughts and mental spirals it genuinely feels like there is something festering in my brain like a parasite feeding on anxiety. 

guilt is also so intrinsically linked to sleep in macbeth: famously macbeth comes out of the king’s chamber ranting about how he may “sleep no more; macbeth doth murder sleep”, and lady macbeth’s obsession pours out of her when she is sleeping (and this is exactly why a doctor is called). i would argue that fucked up sleep is somewhat presented as an illness in ‘macbeth’ too; or if not, at least unnatural. this idea is all over act 2 scene ii (right after macbeth commits the murder) but i think it’s best epitomised in act 3 scene iv: “you lack the season of all natures, sleep.” (lady macbeth) season as in both night-season and seasoning/preservative. so sleep is both a natural part of life, and something that keeps things the way nature or god intended. the doctor says too that disturbed sleep is “a great perturbation in nature” (5.i). nightmares are DEFINITELY depicted as illness: macbeth says that they “sleep / in the affliction of these terrible dreams / that shake us nightly” (3.ii)

insomnia is highly associated with ocd since the obsessions/compulsions prevent sleep and sleep deprivation increases the commonality AND duration of obsession. if a significant portion of your day is spent devoted to obsessions/compulsions, there’s a chance they may become assimilated into intrusive dreams, since dreams are generally regarded as a way that the brain processes memories. thus, we can see that the way guilt in ‘macbeth’ is linked to disturbed sleep parallels how ocd is linked to sleep disorders. so not only is guilt itself an illness in ‘macbeth’, it links to other disorders too

2. withdrawal from dialogue

lady macbeth stops being on equal footing in terms of number of lines with macbeth after the murder. from act 3 she really only responds briefly to what macbeth says, and she’s not even in act 4. i sort of see that as her being dragged under her spiralling thoughts and retreating further and further back into her mind. i know i definitely zone out a LOT more on days where im being absolutely bombarded by intrusive thoughts. she’s definitely disoriented by the begining of act 3:

nought’s had, all's spent, where our desire is got without content. ’tis safer to be that which we destroy, than by destruction dwell in doubtful joy. (3.ii)

the whole soliloquy (if you can even call it that—it’s only 2 couplets) is riddled with paradoxes and confusing wording. her mind is completely scattered and it feels to me as if she’s just been arguing with herself. this might be reaching slightly (as if this entire post isnt kind of reaching already. sorry) but to me it kind of mirrors the absurd leaps of logic my intrusive thoughts and rumination can sometimes take: how can it be “safer” to be destroyed? how can “joy” be doubtful? it doesn’t make sense, and it’s confusing and frightening, but it feels absolutely real. (also note: as you’ve said before ocd is sometimes called the doubting disease. and lady macbeth calls her experience “doubtful”….

3. the mad scene

(disclaimer again i KNOW she is supposed to be asleep the entire time BUT i am going to. sort of. ignore that. sorry</3)

in the beginning of act 5 scene i, lady macbeth’s lady-in-waiting says,

since his majesty went into the field, I have seen her rise from her bed, throw her nightgown upon her, unlock her closet, take forth paper, fold it, write upon't, read it, afterwards seal it, and again return to bed — yet all this while in a most fast sleep.

i’ve never experienced physical compulsions myself, but this sort of repeated, methodical act matches how i’ve seen people describe them. the doctor specifically calls them “actual performances”, which suggest, i think, something mechanical and dictated in some way; “perform” is definitely a word i’ve seen people use to descrive carrying out compulsions. (do correct me if i’m wrong!)

then let’s look at lady macbeth’s actual speech:

out, damned spot, out, I say. — one, two — why, then, 'tis time to do't. — hell is murky. — fie, lord, fie, a soldier, and afeard! what need we fear who knows it, when none can call our power to account? yet who would have thought the old man to have had so much blood in him?

the jumping around of her thoughts honestly feels exactly like my mind alternating between intrusive thoughts and desperately trying to justify why they aren’t true. she goes from reflecting on her debillitating guilt, to being anxious about going to hell, to replaying and checking her memories, to reassuring herself (and macbeth) that she won’t get caught, and then to thinking about her guilt again. it’s a rapid-fire, relentless cycle that continues throughout the scene. she’ll jump from reenacting a moment with her husband, to the obsessing over the blood on her hands, then back again. notably, in her address to macbeth, she never seems to be reenacting the exact same moment. she taunts him for his cowardice seemingly before the murder, then pleads with him, saying that “banquo cannot come out his grave”, then goes back to when they are fleeing the crime scene. i think this reflects the sort of distortion of memory that constant memory checking and ocd can cause. the moodswings and the flip-flopping between “everything’s fine” and “i’m going to hell” are also SO intense and honestly it’s exactly what it feels like on my worst days. 

in the entire scene, lady macbeth speaks in prose instead of verse: it’s obviously a sign of madness by itself, but i also think it reflects the complete loss of control she has over her thoughts and actions. in the beginning acts she is all about control: she demands “spirits / that tend on mortal thoughts” (1.v) to do her bidding, she tells macbeth to “leave all the rest to me” (1.v), and she tells him what to do at every moment. but at this point in the play she can’t stop the onslaught of regrets, guilt, and memories, and she can’t even control herself physically.

speaking of the elephant in the room: the excessive handwashing. i think of lady macbeth’s handwashing as less of a reaction to a genuine fear of contamination, but as something more akin to body-repetitive behaviours like skin-picking (dermatillomania) and hair-pulling (trichitillomania, which i think i have) which are associated with ocd.

i sort of headcanon lady macbeth to have absolutely horrible skin splits on her hands (<- this part is complete projection): and so following this interpretation, i think of her handwashing sort of as a form of self-flagellation because rubbing her hands continually will make the skin tear and bleed. (gore tw?) that, then, fits in with the blood on her hands: in her semi-conscious state she thinks it’s duncan’s, when it’s really hers.

i know that another common compulsion is counting: and lady macbeth does count (“one, two—’tis time to do it.”) one of the reasons people with ocd may count (and there are many reasons, this is not the be-all-end-all) is “attaching meaning to particular numbers where certain numbers will induce anxiety, while others will reduce anxiety. for example, if you assign special meaning to the number three, you might count your steps by threes, or lock and unlock your car three times before driving, or any variety of other action ruled by this magic number.” (<- quoted from nocd website)

i also know that repetition of words or phrases is another common compulsion. and these are lady macbeth's final lines:

to bed, to bed; there's knocking at the gate. come, come, come, come, give me your hand. what's done cannot be undone. — to bed, to bed, to bed.

4. her death

in your ocd hamlet post, you talked about how hamlet’s death is almost peaceful in his “silence”, and how horatio, despite knowing all his flaws and obsessions, believes wholeheartedly in his salvation. (that honestly means the world to me, by the way, so thank you.) the macbeths went through EVERYTHING together: the planning, the crime itself, the aftermath—it’s clear from their dialogue that at the beginning of their sufferings they saw each other go through sleeplessness, nightmares, and obsession. but over the course of the play, they completely fall apart. (i think the last time macbeth uses “we” to refer to the two of them is to say “we’ll to sleep” and “we are yet but young in deed”, which is the most ironic thing ever.) macbeth’s only response to lady macbeth’s death is “she should have died hereafter.” i honestly don’t know what that means in terms of the ocd reading, or in comparison with horatio's reaction to hamlet's death. i'd love to know what you think.

thanks for bearing with me!! i’m a bit less confident in this reading than i am for ocd hamlet, and it’s more likely i’ll get something wrong about ocd in this one, but sorry i just wanted to unleash this somewhere i hope that’s okay and genuinely please tell me if i say anything wrong or insensitive! i also typed this over 3 hours and went over the text as if this was a homework essay.....? and it is now almost 2am so i’m sorry if this isn’t coherent. i hope you’re having a wonderful day :)

hi same anon here i forgot to put this in but. i listened to verdi macbeth opera mad scene una macchia è qui tuttora the whole time i was writing that thing in case anyone would like to know...... i love it so so much my favourite video recording is by sylvia sass on youtube https://youtu.be/tP59Ox8MdQ4?feature=shared&t=319 AND there are full productions of the opera on youtube as well. thank you so much for reading!!!!

YES.... YES..... YESSSSSSSSSS I LOVE AN OCD LADY MACBETH... IT'S ABOUT THE GUILT IT'S ABOUT THE REPETITION DOES EVERYONE HEAR ME? TODAY WE ARE DOING GUILT AND REPETITION

i have had similar thoughts about the sort of inherent trickiness of it (oh, the lady who washes her hands a lot has ocd? whoa, totally original thought that has nothing to do with pop culture perception of ocd) (and also she did kill a man). but you really said it all with that ksdhfdksnfdsn. i will pitch in that i DO have handwashing compulsions and tbh. i personally think lady macbeth ocd reading is a net win even if it does trail a little close to stereotypes because if you dig even slightly deeper than "haha handwashing" it allows for an examination of ocd not just as an action but also as a manifestation of guilt and illness. which is SO macbeth. the body politic is sick the government is sick!!! again im taking the words right out of your mouth here this ask whips ass

shaking your hand on conceiving of ocd as something parasitical. really feels like there is some Thing up there feeding on my brain. (also on intrusive thought dreams. fucked upppppp like man leave me alone)

AND ON THAT NOTE i feel like even if she is asleep it can still be ocd. i say this with no medical training whatsoever and this isn't, like, me asserting that people actually do compulsions while asleep, but on a narrative level, the emotional processes happening to her character are petty clear even if she's sleepwalking, right. once again no medical training whatsoever

the jumping around of her thoughts honestly feels exactly like my mind alternating between intrusive thoughts and desperately trying to justify why they aren’t true. [...] the moodswings and the flip-flopping between “everything’s fine” and “i’m going to hell” are also SO intense and honestly it’s exactly what it feels like on my worst days.

YEAH. YEAH. YEAH. the ugly intrusive thought -> self-reassurance -> self-reassurance makes it worse -> intrusive thought (harder and worse) spiral. and literally this is EXACTLY what it feels like. me when i accidentally say something rude and then i'm evil for three days. except she killed a man

i sort of headcanon lady macbeth to have absolutely horrible skin splits on her hands (<- this part is complete projection): and so following this interpretation, i think of her handwashing sort of as a form of self-flagellation because rubbing her hands continually will make the skin tear and bleed. (gore tw?) that, then, fits in with the blood on her hands: in her semi-conscious state she thinks it’s duncan’s, when it’s really hers.

YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH. ON AN ANALYTICAL LEVEL AND A PERSONAL LEVEL. LITERALLY THE LEAPS I CAN DO IN MY BEAUTIFUL MIND TO BE LIKE WOW IM JUST LIKE LADY MACBETH (BLOOD ON MY HANDS). YOU N ME BROTHER

and re: her death and the macbeths splintering apart. that is honestly the most painful part of this play for me, as a lover of evil couples and also of their specific dynamic. the fact that they mesh so well at the beginning (i mean, they argue, there's friction, but they're clearly on the same page--they enter their first shared scene both thinking the same thing and a lot of their communication is in implication) and then they just. fragment. and i think with the OCD ladymac reading it's even worse, because the thing about OCD at least in my experience is that. at some point the people around you stop being able to understand what the fuck your problem is. even when they're trying really hard. because it doesn't make any sense! the compulsions don't make logical sense the self-flagellation doesn't make any sense none of it is SOLVING anything but it also does make sense, To You, on a level you cannot really explain to people that don't Get It*. and so like. the macbeths are already breaking apart because of their responses to the murder, and this is just one more thing coming between them. she is trapped in a cage in her brain that he cannot see.

*(i think not infrequently about the overlap between OCD and psychosis; i haven't experienced psychosis and obviously there are major differences, but i relate a lot to what psychotic people have said about, like, the ability to hold multiple contradictory truths at once. my compulsions will not actually stop disasters from happening, but they also will. you could maybe pull in something about macbeth's parallel loss of control + his hallucinations? but i'm not diagnosing macbeth with psychosis necessarily i'm just saying words).

anyway, anon, i am always extremely impressed by your dedication to writing out quotes and coming armed with evidence, and also your analysis fucking bangs. this is such a good ask i need to frame it on the wall your mind is huge. i hope you have a wonderful day as well :)

[capillaryspice]

Unpopular opinion rant incoming:

I did not enjoy Baldurs Gate 3

Before anything else I will admit I am biased, as strategy turn based games aren't something I'm usually into to begin with. I mostly ended up playing it because my partners and a friend are SUPER into the game and wanted to do a 4 player run. I do have 30 hours on a solo run I tried to get used to the game with, so I have a decent bit of experience with how it's supposed to run as a single player but I'm not judging companion stories or anything because I haven't completed them.

I do understand why people like BG3, and I don't wanna rain on anyone's parade for a very critically acclaimed game, but I do have some thoughts that I just need to get out of my head, so if you like the game and don't wanna hear me complain about it just scroll on ahead. If you do want to hear me complain, I'd love to hear if anyone else has had the same thoughts, because genuinely I've not really had anyone to talk to that hasn't been head-over-heels for it. (Actual thoughts under the cut)

-----------------

With that out of the way, for starters BG3 is a very impressive game. From a technical perspective, from a voice acting quality perspective, the sheer amount of tiny tiny details, etc... it is IMPRESSIVE. Too impressive, I'd almost have to say. Because, despite being impressed by it, I did not have FUN playing the game. For all its details it doesn't draw me in. For all the technical marvel, it's just too janky. It's all of the rules of DND and none of the immersion or fun

I would love to have had a functioning camera position that didn't give me whiplash whenever a new character in the combat of 20+ NPCs decides to do so much as shuffle to the left. It feels like pulling teeth when trying to select/interact with anything, god forbid a reaction happens while you're trying to attack and you just completely lose the action bc the interruption to movement pauses everything and screws u up. I'd love to be able to jump without going through two menu screens and a map to just hop over a gap(I'm never complaining about the Dark Souls jump being too complicated ever again). Also everything moves so slow, I would kill for a fucking Sprint button.

I would have liked anything approaching a streamlined combat system that didn't take a long ass time to set up a move that takes six seconds to play out, and then wait for ten minutes literally doing nothing while the rest of the NPCs in initiative whip the viewpoint around and get it stuck in walls and corpses so I can't even see what's happening while I can't do anything for the rest of the round

A lesser gripe, but just a bizarre choice to not do: Id like to hear the character voice I chose in character creation for cutscenes, instead of just background ambient lines. Like, if the last dragon age game (from 2014 mind you) can have a voiced main character with multiple voice options, this new game that has unique voice lines for every goddamn squirrel on the map and ALREADY PAID VOICE ACTORS TO VOICE THE MAIN CHARACTER TO BEGIN WITH can probably afford to do so. Hell, I'd like some background music that isn't just the tenth rendition of Down By The River in a different key. The bard music is all gorgeous, why couldn't they have reused some of those compositions as ambient music for different locations?

This is a MASSIVE game, and what they've put into it is definitely admirable, but like. Not in the ways that make a game breathable or immersive? The choices in where they've decided to dedicate the anal level of detail seems misguided from a just general player standpoint; There's some gorgeous settings in the game, but I was distracted every time by getting frustrated that I couldn't even get a more-than-vague look at any of the scenery I actually enjoyed because the camera is so limited in its angles. So I can't take a good look around what should be a beautiful temple that I'd love to see closer, but I can individually inspect every moldy apple and tax form on a random dinner table instead. It's a vast open world, but the character models have very clearly defined paths they have to stay within. The amount of unique NPCs is insane, but the mechanics themselves TREAT them as NPCs(i.e., resurrection rules), and they don't react to PCs unless ur doing Violence or Crimes (even og skyrim had NPCs have comments on if u weren't like wearing clothes, for instance). Every shelf and bag and nook and cranny are searchable, but that gets overwhelming very quickly as you have to choose between taking like an hour of real time to clear a cluttered area and possibly find something important but more likely just end up with a bajillion rotten carrots, or move on but have the anxiety of knowing you've possibly missed something vital. There's a million options you can take at any moment with any object or character, but there's rarely anything indicating what will be vital later for general world stuff. But then with the main plot (the Emperor, Raphael, the crèche) it felt very railroaded in the sense that TECHNICALLY you could try and choose between outcomes, but your choices don't actually matter because you die if you choose The Wrong Option (or end up in effectively death sentence combat) and will end up where they want you to go regardless.

BG3 isn't a game I want to spend time playing; it's not a world I can wander around and appreciate the beauty of and get lost in the soundtrack or the environments. The whole combat system is incredibly frustrating to manage, and just feels like Hurry Up And Wait. I'm not gonna knock the romance parts of the game, I've heard good things and haven't gotten far enough in any of em to have an educated opinion on, so really the only thing the game has to offer in spades OTHER than romance is replayability. Which normally I would say is a good thing, but for how long of a game it is and how non immersive the gameplay and world feel, it really just ends up being a game of fucking around and seeing how many things you can get an alternate dialogue for or create new stats around. Like, this is great for completionist folks who love collecting achievements and making the most busted crunchy math-based builds possible, but Baldurs Gate 3 to me just isn't a game I can sit down and have Fun(TM) relaxing and playing.

It's a game that I feel absolutely missed the forest for the trees.

So anyways, essay complete. I've only slept like 6 hours total in the last three days so a lot of this may or may not even make sense. But on so much sleep deprivation finishing this game and realizing I was just frustrated with it instead of actually feeling accomplished for having finished it, it was the final straw and I just needed to get the thoughts down somewhere

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk

[weregreatatcrime]

I'm sick and rereading Two Halves and I know I leave a lot (A LOT) of stuff in the end notes but there's actually lots of stuff I still never mention or talk about so here's a long sick (no longer at 4am) ramble about things I didn't get the chance to talk about but wanted to (in somewhat of an order reminded by rereading) or at least just some lines I particularly enjoyed

Chapter 3 Commentrary while I drink tea and try to remind my brain it belongs in my body

The fact that this is still early Leo so "sneaking out by himself" is JUST his way of going out to destress and not. Doing crazy shit shfbsjfhr

I actually really like Leo but he's also like. My LEAST favorite? And by that I mean I'm not INCREDIBLY obsessed with him like I am the others, so like, it confuses me why it's so easy and comforting to write him. The only one easier to write for me is Donnie

The boys make going topside stressful for him is2g, but also, Leo learn to stress a little less. Let your brothers break a few bones and sprain a few ankles so they learn to not be idiots while jumping rooftops (this is bad advice do not listen to me)

Unstated but it was very hard for Karai to not throw a knife at Leo to get his attention. He was just running, out by himself, all alone, and didn't notice the ninja stalking him?? Ohhhhh the temptation to REALLY fuck with him

Karai crouching over the edge of the building "being up high" to comfort herself during this scene. Intentionally turning her back to him was stressful

“What, a girl can’t stop by for a talk with her little brother?” <- A line she doesn't believe at ALL. Even if she WERE Miwa, she doesn't understand the father/son relationship with the Hamatos, and mostly thinks they're just students who take the family theme way too serious. She doesn't actually think the turtles will consider Miwa as their sister so much as a general younger family member they need to protect for Honor. Karai’s concept of family was ALREADY fucked up, being raised by the Shredder did Not help jfc

“But he raised and loved me this far. Hard to see it as anything else.” <- Even worse that she actually DOES believe this would be enough, if she really was Miwa. If she weren't a changeling sent to take his daughter's place

A lot of the scene with Leo and Karai is her just manipulating Leo, BUT it does provide a big big window into how Karai views her situation and how she would react if she WEREN'T a changeling. And it's AWFUL but cool

“Stabbing you is always on the table,” Karai grumbled, arms crossing. <- Be careful Leo that's VERY GENUINE (plus more of Karai covering herself up when she's stared at bcz she's twitchy (stabby))

I feel a lot of people say 2012 Splinter wouldn't steal and you're right! His moral code is too strong. However, survival is hard and lots of people learn real fast what good morals do you when you're at rock bottom. If it were just him I think he'd stick to them. But with four infant children to care for? Nah, he learned how flexible his morals can be when it's his children's life and welfare at risk.

Bless be this Leo for being young enough to not have had to really ask himself the really hard questions about his moral code just yet. Karai thinks it's stupid but funny. How naive can you be?? (Karai once again not understanding what life WITHOUT the hard decisions is like)

“You’re not evil, Karai.” Leo you're kinda wrong but you're not. She's not really evil but she delights in evil things..? Karai works on an entirely different morality code than good to evil, so, trying to put her as one or the other won't work, but she definitely does have solid traits from both sides of the coin

Karai ALREADY knows that if she just talks to Leonardo, it's fine. But his brothers will cause a scene and make her risk of being caught rise exponentially. She was riiiiight

Karai didn't know how to have fun without making it about training whoopsies honey your trauma is leaking through

I've already ranted enough about Karai thinking she Doesn't need the same things human children do (safety, security, empathy, kindness, etcetera) so I'm not gonna yell more but. Just. It hurts aha. Solid note that she also is aware Shredder definitely isn't providing all these necessary things

"Humans without those important social aspects developed poorly and functioned awfully later in life. Karai had none of that to give. She wasn’t even capable of expressing emotions like humans did." KARAI HONEY these things are CONNECTED they're not mutually exclusive oh my god

The turtles trying to pspsps this new mutant Punk Rock into being their friend and Karai just oblivious to it

Maybe I should write some of their interactions out as oneshots, from before they knew PR was Karai...

Not shown but the MOMENT Stockman realized Karai hated the Shredder’s methods as much as him, they both started BITCHING hardcore about how illogical his management skills were

Stockman: So when I leave, if we're doing a big rush exit, can I blow up the lab?

Karai: ...you know, you're not so bad for a human

As much as Shredder did overreact, it IS a huge fucking deal that a civilian with no espionage skill or training managed to escape a highly secure ninja compound and leave no traces. People would've been fired best case scenario. Karai is so proud of herself for her scheming lol

[sageragecorner]

okay so usually I'm pretty optimistic about my weight loss but I've been so discouraged lately and I'm extremely disappointed in myself. so here is a rant so I can hopefully get over it and get back to trying my best and being positive.

so this week I've been back in classes and around people again and it's been a real task to not eat because I spend all my time around these people who are always snacking and eating and my self control hasn't got back to being as strong as before so I easily find myself getting a snack like everyone else. my mom has commented a lot on my weightloss and has been making sure I leave the house with a full lunch like a sandwich and fruit and fruit juice as well and my safe food popcorn. I usually try to just eat the fruit and popcorn only but sitting at lunch with a bunch of people eating their sandwiches when mine is also just sitting in my bag easily triggers me into eating as well. After my classes I have rehearsals for a show I'm doing and honestly the rehearsals really are taxing on my body and not eating simply does not sustain me enough to go through 4 hours of dancing nonstop without fainting (trust me it's happened already). that means eating that sandwich if I hadn't already which just makes me feel like an absolute piece of shit. I have not been doing any workouts because the dance for my upcoming show is enough exercise and I've honestly not been drinking much water either. and my parents have enforced eating as a family at the table every night and I'm not allowed to skip.

so that's what the whole week has looked like so far and here's my issues with everything happening:

1. the guilt of not eating the packed lunch eats me up and besides that I genuinely need that food because I keep fainting.

2. I'm not seeing a difference on the scale at all.... I've been stiing on the same weight úall week and it's literally so frustrating... I mean it's better than gaining weight but my goal was to get to 60kg by the end of the month so I'm feeling like garbage.

3. sitting at the table is awful. I definitely get a much smaller portion than everyone else but my sister who knows about my ed side eyes me the entire time and it makes me feel awful. the topic of dinner every night also seems to get to how I'm rapidly losing weight so that's fucking uncomfortable when you're sitting there for 30 minutes just listening to people say you're losing weight too fast and that's unhealthy or whatever.

4. despite the scale showing me that I've lost weight I don't feel any different and it makes me want to die to see myself in the mirror.... actually maybe that's the anorexia but still I want to start feeling different. I still feel like I'm 77kgs.

5. I feel like I'm the problem really. I'm not doing any workouts besides dance and maybe that's my I'm not losing weight. also why the hell do I need to eat. I literally have so much fat on my body that I should be able to live without food and get through dance. also why is my self control non existant??? why does my stomach keep grumbling everytime I see people eat??? I'm stronger than this and I know this because I literally was doing sooo well last month :( I don't know what to do with myself and my depression has been getting worse again. I wake up every morning and immediately want to be dead.

okay so moving forward what the hell do I need to do because I'm absolutely loosing my mind at this point.

[localcactushugger]

Honestly the thing that really pisses me off, the thing that really hurts the most, about the Hawks vs. Twice conflict is the fact that they had so much potential.

I know on my blog I post mostly about Hawks and bnha leaks, but Twice was by far my favorite Villian and I loved seeing him every time he showed up. I love and understand both Hawks and Twice.

And Horikoshi fucking robbed us.

He robbed us of potentially the most hilarious and pure bromance in all of Bnha history.

All because of the fucking plot.

Think of the beautiful dynamic these two already had! They were only together for what? 2, maybe 3 months at most? And during that time they both learned to sympathize with each other. They even laughed at each other's jokes!!

They actually cared about each other even though their goals and morals didn't exactly aligne.

Both of them saw each other as "good/ kind hearted people" who were deserving of sympathy:

"You're a swell guy!" "Right back at ya."

"You're a good person."

"Anyone who wants to help their friends can't be all that bad." "I know you're good natured." "Let's fly free together!"

"I empathize with their cause." "I wanna fly free"

LOOK AT THEM JOKING AND LAUGHING TOGETHER!!!

LOOK AT THE FINGER GUNS!!

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? WE WERE ROBBED OF THIS:

I'm still so fucking salty about it. It's genuinely upsetting to me.

What's sad is that both of them genuinely cared and wanted to help each other. They just couldn't because their goals were so different.

Twice wanted to help his friends and "protect their happiness" more than anything, and that's why he was fine with helping them destroy/take over Japan. Because nothing matters more than the league's happiness. He'd burn down the world and "sell his soul" to make the Leauge happy! They were his friends. His family. They were his everything!

And Hawks' goal revolved around keeping the people of Japan safe. It revolved around making sure the Leauge didn't hurt anyone because "If you had just captured the Leauge when you had the chance . . ! Think of how many citizens might be alive today!" It revolved around making sure that "everyone would be able to laugh by the time the next cherry blossoms fall."

Both of them were kind hearted genuinely good people. The only difference is that they fought to protect different things.

But that doesn't mean they didn't care about each other or didn't reach out. Both of them reached out!

Twice reaching out: "I know we're being monitored right now, but I wish they'd stop spying on you! I get how you feel."

Hawks reaching out: "You've been unlucky, but you can make a fresh start once you pay for your crimes. I'll even help you start over! Because you're a good person."

Twice didn't know why a hero would sympathize with the liberation army. But a person who wanted to help his friends couldn't be that bad right?

Hawks knew how powerful Twice was and all the horrible things the Liberation army was planning for Japan. But Twice was good natured and kind right?

Both of them made efforts to understand each other. But neither of them could let go of their goals or the things they wanted to protect.

Twice remained loyal to the Leauge. To protect his friends happiness.

Hawks remained loyal to his mission. To protect the people of Japan.

Both characters were sympathetic towards each other, but at the same time they were both fiercely determined to do what they thought was right in the moment. It makes perfect sense story and character wise . . .

BUT THINK OF THE BROMANCE WE LOST!!

I'm still so upset about it!! I was so happy when Twice and Hawks started to warm up to each other, even though I knew it wouldn't turn out well.

Can you imagine these two doing finger guns? Laughing at each other's jokes?? Eating Yakitori together and making up secret handshakes???

They had such a pure, funny, bittersweet dynamic that pulled at my heart strings and made me laugh at the same time.

Honestly I don't know where I'm going with this. I just wanted to rant about the two of them for a bit because I love them both. And I just know if they weren't on the opposite sides of a war they would've been the bestest bros in the world.

Y'all can have whatever opinions you want about Hawks and Twice. But this is a post meant to appreciate their short-lived friendship and amazing dynamic. It's meant to appreciate and show love for both of their characters.

So please keep any bitter comments away from this post. I know everyone has different opinions about these two, but I've heard the debates a million times. Any disrespectful or mean notes will be deleted swiftly.

Just keep the vibes of this post nice okay? Why can we never have nice things in this fandom?

The whole Hero stan vs. Villain stan thing honestly ruins it for me, and I've quickly learned that It destroys all room for understanding and only creates division.

So whatever 12 yr old created the toxic Hero vs. Villain stan dynamic in this fandom, I hope you step on a Lego. Because I'm sure that dynamic has ruined a lot of characters for some people.

If you're someone who can't like a character just because they're a "villain" or a "hero", I'm genuinely sorry for you and I hope you know it's not your fault. This fandom likes to make the whole Hero vs. Villain thing a competition sometimes, and all the extremely biased metas don't always leave room for debate. Sometimes it can even make you feel like you have to pick a side. And it can make it hard for people to enjoy some character's as well.

People will try to demonize Twice.

People will try to demonize Hawks.

Obviously you can love whatever characters you want regardless of their roles in the story, but It's sad how that kind of division in a fandom leaves little room for understanding. And it's sad how quickly a fandom can ruin a character for some people as well. (I've had characters almost be ruined for me too. It sucks.)

Obviously, as a human being I also have my opinions, biases, and favorite characters. And having those isn't a bad thing! Just so long as you're respectful about it. And I'm saying this as someone who has, admittedly, partaken in the Hero vs. Villain stan dynamic once or twice myself. Even though I personally think that dynamic is dumb. I've also had moments where I've lost patience over "bad takes" I didn't like as well. I'm not perfect. No one is, and you can disagree with me all you like if you want. It's chill dude. 👌👌👌

But I would like to keep this post conflict free. In my opinion, Twice and Hawks are both genuinely good people. This is not something I will ever budge on. And i want to enjoy both of their beautiful characters just this once. I love and understand them both your honor. ✋😔

[ihopesocomic]

I know u already did the mp analysis video but like... Honestly u could make an entire video on why hover sucks.

Some of the points brought up on this blog were very powerful and concerning ones. Ie hypocritically expecting nothing to support her while not offering the same, her belittling nothing's disability and abuse faced from her pride, and the most damning thing of all just straight up being okay with nothing dying? Despite joining the pride for her.

It really makes hovers big "redemption moment" devoid of any genuine emotion. She claims to all she loves nothing and this is supposed to be their coming out but... Its not. It really does read like abuser trying to convince their victim or the people around them that their desire to control and own their victim is love.

Itd be one thing if it were an ashfur type esque situation in which Hover does get called out imo the only way to start to salvage that whole plot point in the show, but i doubt itll happen.

Anyways reading the points made on the blog really emphasized how hover and her relationship with nothing never felt right to me.

Sorry for the long rant but you had some very good points and i have feelings on this.

If we hadn't talked about MP already for nearly 3 hours, a Hover-focused video would certainly be tempting.

The thing is that we've stated these points in the review and we've also stated them up and down the comments section of the review a dozen times. Hover fans still think we don't like Hover because of a single argument (which, let's be real, was still pretty shitty on its own?? lol) she had with Nothing.

Because this is what happens when you relate to a character to such an unhealthy degree. You take any kind of shade directed at them as an attack on your character and rather than idk just finding a better and more decent character to relate to, you're just in complete denial that you looked up to a character who is fundamentally a towering, uncaring bitch.

Hover actually serves as a fine example of how messed up the characterisation is in MP. She's presented as radically different from Nothing and her family so people automatically like her because she's a breath of fresh air. In reality, the reason she's radically different is because - basically - she's an unfunny edgelord character in the midst of characters we're meant to feel for and relate to, because we're meant to feel empowered by them. She doesn't fit.

In fact, this is how Hover started out: as an uncaring, aggressive edgy DeviantART OC from the late 2000s, where her crowning moment was throwing the c slur at Hobblestep (Nothing) for simply sharing her oxygen. Unfortunately, she was barely modernised in the rebooted series and this is why she comes across as an asshole. Her creator fell into the age-old trap of thinking that a character being a cool rebel comic relief means being a bitch to everyone in the vicinity. Including her girlfriend. It's a very common issue and is one I've fallen into in the past with previous works but ultimately realised it was a form of bad characterisation.

What's incredibly funny is that the creator tried to humanise Hover and tone her down later on… by having her not be a bitch and be sensitive with the WRONG characters. Like Farleap. She never criticises her for her treatment of Nothing once and, not only that, she sympathises with her and doesn't even bat an eyelid when she bitches about her dead girlfriend. What decent person does that? If anybody shit talked anyone I cared about if they went missing, I'd smack them in the mouth.

And this is why Episode 7 falls flat on its ass so heavily. It’s just trying to humanise Hover by… making her awkwardly bond with her girlfriend’s abusers and - scarily enough - actually making the audience feel they had legit chemistry. Which is all sorts of fucking yikes. lol - RJ

[appledotcodotuk]

why the hive fckin suck at its job: a rant

spoilers for tgwdlm ahead!

first of all, it's important to consider what exactly the hive's job is. my answer is... who the fuck knows. literally. what is the hive's aim. what do you want Paul? more like, what do you want hive? let's find out!

it kinda evolves, as the play progresses. the intial aim of the hive, and one that does actually remain consistent is the constant burning need to grow and devour and gain more and more (insert capitalism metaphor here).

however, this is distorted by the people it possess who influence that aim, as we'll see later.

also the fact it crashes into a theatre displaying Mamma Mia gives the hive the motive it need to fit the world around it to the structure of the musical. having no originality of its own, the hive instead just picks up what is given to it. kinda like an evil baby.

it wants uniformity, that is indeed its ultimate goal and desire, no duh. it thinks it can achieve that through musical theatre, shame that the hive is dead wrong. cause the hive fucking sucks at its own job / aim / ultimate purpose / one concrete goal that motivates all its actions.

can't maintain control over its subjects

okay, so, the hive wants uniformity. it wants everyone to be dancing to the beat of its own tune. right? yeah. shame it literally can't keep its own possessed subjects in line at all. at the risk of sounding like the 10th doctor waxing lyrical abt humanity for the 50th time, humans are really difficult to control cause we're not really motivated by an altruistic allegiance to one primary good. we've got icky emotions that often move us to do stupid unpredictable stuff way more. it makes me wonder if the reason the hive wanted to use musical theatre to try and persuade ppl was cause it seems to think that is how theyll get emotive humans; through emotive songs. anyways. let's look at some examples shall weeeee?

Mr Davidson:

so, Mr Davidson. funnily enough, he's the guy whose in part acting as the hive trying to figure out what it wants through his interactions w/ Paul. every person it possess gives it just a bit more humanity and curiosity abt the world it is currently taking over. at least I think so. hence why as the musical develops u get character's like possessed!Alice wondering 'why does it hurt to love?' - the change in music and mood to something much more introspective really suggests to me that the hive is beginning to question the thoughts and emotions of its human hosts.

Mr Davidson is a family man through and through, he loves his wife Carol. she's his muse, his source of light. his feelings for her are not concrete or easy to explain and solve - hence why his sudden ahem demand of her is so hilarious and also jarring. it completely clashes with the 'I want song' which is simple, and often pushes forward a wider cause. not so with Mr Davidson, he just really loves his wife man. enough to break a frickin alien possession.

tbh I think its hilarious that (at least to me) the hive has to force him to forget and continue with the song, like, he straight up is just talking to his wife in that phone call, talking, not singing. so, no possession until he reverts back into song. ergo, the hive cannot maintain the uniformity it wants. even from the get go when theoretically its control should be stronger cause it has less ppl to co-ordinate. bad. at. its. job.

Paul:

this one hurts folks. yes, I know it's generally agreed, though somewhat debated that the state of Paul by the end of the tgwdlm is not purely possessed. I agree. once again, the hive is unable to truly enforce uniformity.

at this point, the motives of Paul and the hive are kinda just mixed, neither fully human nor fully alien. hence the constant shifts between pleeing for her to get away, to hide, to stay safe: 'what if the only choice is you have to sing to survive' and just full on old style hive nastiness 'let me puke in your mouth and just open your food bin girl' (so romantic 🥰 /j).

the hive has gone away from its original aim, and become something... different. no longer stuck to just one type of genre or style of song, it's really clever to show the developing complexity of the hive by showing how it is now juggling lots of different motifs with references to all the old songs from before recontextualised in a new way - its learning. evil baby... no longer uniform.

general miscommunication:

there are several instances of the hive not fully having uniform control over its subjects. for instance, right after not your seed with the three teens having to like... calibrate. they aren't just completely connected then?? also, this is a very small thing, but uhhhh at the end of inevitable when Paul is about to say the apotheosis is upon... the chorus interrupts him with USSSSSSS. interruptions??? not very in sync of u hive.

I think this inability to exert uniformity is also shown in the contrast between genre of musical theatre. my alien abomination cannot decide whether it wants to be the more modern edgy rock musical (join us (and die), not your seed ) or super happy go lucky old style musical theatre (lah dee dah dah day, and inevitable). it tries to do both, even while trying to encourage union, and sticking to one thing. hypocrite!!!!!

2. aims are guided by the people it possess

so, I mentioned this a bit already, but the hive isn't only mutating the humans, the humans are mutating the hive right back. this is more an interesting observation than any actual analysis but let's goooo.

greenpeace girl:

I think it's very likely that greenpeace girl is one of the first to be possessed. This is probably easily debunkable but whatever this analysis is flying by the seat or its pants anywayyyyy. why? cause where else would it pick up that whole 'this planet needs fixing' thing? it's interesting too, cause it morphs from expressing the desire to join hands and sing together, unity and peace with no actual action behind it. this then goes right to the other end, with the hive going 'fine I'll do it myself' and trying to save things by enforcing a dictatorship on the world. it develops and changes, and strays from its original means of accomplishing its aims! speaking oooooof...

3. inconsistent in means of accomplishing aims

okay, ur an evil hive mind. u think musicals are the way to win over these silly humans cause they're all weak and emotive and seem to respond to them. but, wait! schwoopsie! you haven't realised that for emotional depth and growth to mean anything, you need there to be established development and well... growth. otherwise the sentiments are as vague as the ones expressed in What Do You Want, Paul?

this show has genuine emotional moments, just not really during the musical numbers WITH EXCEPTIONS. any strife is smoothed over quickly, and so the development and change that would have to go into such growth is just gone. (see, You Tied Up My Heart) all so it can achieve its own desire to grow and grow and grow, maybe a metaphor for art being killed under late stage capitalism??

what actually matters is the impact the songs have afterwards, in causing a death - because we have a bond and care abt these characters. those short scenes between Paul and Emma are actually way more resonant than any song. except... inevitable, and also not your seed a bit. at this point the hive has learnt a thing or two, and can actually twist human emotion a little. but for it to do that, it has to reject the uniformity it prizes, and be adaptable. point towards being more human than it first thought? methinks so. and yet it's just not enough...

it's also why let it out, to me, feels really ingenuine. Paul has expressed himself in much better ways already. what they're doing is clearly paining him, and hurting the guy. he's terrified bless.

you can't force someone into being emotional vulnerable, man.

it's why all the deaths for the characters who are forced to express themselves are really violent, involving them being ripped open - literally forcing them to expose themselves from the 'inside out' as Alice reflects in Not Your Seed. you can't force genuine emotional connection, it has to be fostered, shown in the much more affecting relationship of Paul and Emma. the only reason the hive actually has power over our characters is because of these genuine emotional connections, which it tries and often fails to take advantage of, resulting in just resorting to brute violence. messy hive, very messy.

at the core, the musical's a kinda attack on that toxic positivity mindst: trying to force people to reach the sort of easy solutions by sharing feelings in a way that feels pretty invasive and deciding you are instantly fixed. the problems these characters face are jarringly not really what you'd expect a character in a musical to face, cheating, a lot of it, mid-life crisis. problems that are bland, or wayyyy too real. this is purposefully done, to reveal just how silly the hive's aim to use musical theatre to solve everyone's problem is. life is more complex than that smh.

4. a human can write a much more expressive, and genuine song than they ever could lol

u know which song I'm talking abt. what more is there to say. so much for making persuasive songs to tempt people over.

5. make me sad cause they took some perfectly nice ppl and funked them up 😭

this was a stupid point lol. basically I'm just bitter that this hive took a bunch of perfectly okay ppl and gave them hive brain. screw u hive. I swear I'm gonna watch Black Friday soon, cause I'm sure it's gonna completely destroy every thought I've had so far, but whateve,,, just take this as a look at tgwdlm like it's a stand-alone piece.

these guys are supposed to all be 'individuals' on one level, but also 'appendages of a much larger organism'. there's a little too much individualism and fracturing to be cohesive enough to do that I feel. the hive to me is not an infallible, unstoppable force, in fact, every human it takes over only brings it closer to understanding us. so that's maybe a slight positive note??? idk ?! I just have lots of thoughts and feelings abt this musical even if this doesn't make sense I'm proud i wrote it down hehe.

[jiminrings]

sorry i kinda need to rant bc im genuinely irritated...

the new comeback is here and while i didn't really like it that much (i love a lot of pop but don't really like that genre of pop tbh), i'm not gonna sit here and borderline sound like an anti on the boys. i'm in a twt gc and for the past 40 min these two armys (one of them i already look at them sideways bc they quite literally talked shit on the rapline to defend another one of their favs... 🤨) are going back and forth talking shit about bts new music and talking about how much they hate it. now, ngl i like to joke about my favs music here and there (ofc, of all the artists i love, it'd be a lie to say i love every one of their songs, it's just an opinion). however, they are sounding like borderline antis and it's irritating the hell out of meeee. like yea it's one thing to "hate" the song... but tell me why they going on about how much they "miss the old bangtan" and how fucking "bad they sound recently"?? like what the hell😭 i haven't said a single thing in the gc but they @ me and other "inactive" members asking us for our thoughts. like idek what to say bc that really kilt my mood. mind you, that one army i said i look at sideways is "multi"/kpop fan and i've noticed that ever since bts started to get really successful, they have been making slick comments. and for that (as well as this situation rn), i feel like i can't say anything bc they are gonna accuse me of being like those "crazy army" which isn't even true 😭 like don't get me wrong i really don't care if people don't like bts' music, but it's another thing to just straight up talk shit about their song for like 40+ min straight. like fuck... they both loved black swan yet i don't remember them going on 40+ min on how much they adore it? but they easily can go on to talk shit for this long without a problem? 🧐🧐 anyways i think this is my sign to leave twitter and fully migrate here bc im tired of it anyway lol

exactly!!! not liking their music and leaving it at that is much much different from behaving like an anti!! ngl that’s what i sometimes hate about some antis 😐😐 they really can’t function and praise a group they like wITHOUT bringing down another,,,, the fact that they can hate for 40 minutes but can’t praise at the same length,,, that speaks volumes bestie <3 MIGRATE OVER HERE BESTIE LEMME STAMP UR PASSPORT

[inessencedevided]

The Untamed, episode 41 - watching notes

Only 10 episodes left 😭😭😭

And we're now entering Nie Mingjue's memories. I have a feeling there's going to be some serious "oh shit!" and "wtf is happening???" going on

Jgy's backstory still moves me, no matter what he did later

I feel like both his and wwx stories are cautionary tales of what happens when you combine a rigid class-system with a mob mentality and top it all of with a healthy amount of "manners over morals"

I feel like JGY main strategy is "hold your tongue and bite your time". I completely fell for his sweet facade in the first few episodes of the flashback

Jo, did NMJ just ram his saber into a stone wall? 😱

NMJ may have anger issues, but he's a good dude

I think he took the "the more perfectly you should be, to leave them with nothing to say" to heart. Like, he never outwardly complains.

Another perfectly timed screenshot I thought I should share :D

Oh, we've seen that before!

How can this be the same person that I thought would be the designated fandom cinnamon role in ep 2/3?? 🥺

I know I'm praising actors left and right during this commentary,but ALL TGE AWARDS for how smoothly JGY changes his demeanor from humble and sweet quasi-servant to "you're not worthy of breathing the same aor as me"

This

And this

Might as well be two different characters

I wonder if, when the NMJ send him away, he realised and regretted, that he had just lost one of the only people who were truly on his side and if he thought it was worth it

One thing I find very interesting in the scene in the Scorching Sun palace is that, jgy is still wearing his hair in the braided style that is customary for the Nie clan. I think I'll try to spot when he changes it

Okay, scratch my earlier musings about if JGY feels genuine regret over how he had to leave NMJ. He clearly doesn't 😐

Gotta give it to him though, he puts gollum to shame with how he switches his personality

Only it's deliberate

And he's not insane

... don't know where I was going with this

So we're at the point where Nie Mingjue wakes in Lan Xichen's arms. Seen that before

Which leaves me asking: WHAT PART OF THIS IS THE ACT??

I wonder though, how they could convince NMJ to become sworn brothers with him after that while story

He does not seem like a man who forgets a grudge easily ^^

That scene of the three of them meditating and playing the Quin is weirdly domestic :D maybe it's just because, so far, we've only seen wwx and lwj in a similar situation together 😅

Why do I still ship Lan Xichen and JGY after all that happened? Because of scenes like these!!!!

JGY *plays Quin ominously*

Didn't know that was possible :D

The fuck???

Why is he coughing blood?

Lwj is playing "Clarity" in the present time to calm him down! Ten points for parallels!

Poor Lan Xichen. Why do I have a feeling that he's the designated buffer between them? 🙈

Sorry for the lack of intelligent commentary, but I'm trying to wrap my head around how much of a puppeteer JGY is ...

I've already mentioned this, but I appreciate the parallels between jgy and wwx and how they differ. Both operate very much outside the orthodoxy, in large part due to them not being born into it. The crucial difference is their goals. One seeks to gain power to not only find his place within the system, but rise above all those who ever looked down on him, too. The other wants to change the system for all those others who are also hurt by it.

Two characters with very similar backgrounds diverging on very different paths

And I appreciate it that it's spelled out in his rant to NMJ here

This is SO telling. I adore this scene! Before I would have calked him simply selfish (and he is, don't get be wrong). But he also probably grew up in a world where he could never be truly save and never feel equal to anyone. Everything be has, he had to fight for.

I just wrote that he and wwx had the same background? I retract that because there is one huge difference. Wwx was loved. From what I've heard, his parents loved him. Then, of course, he has to endure live as a homeless kid, but he was adopted by a foster-father who loved him and had siblings he shared everything with. Of course, he still never felt as if he quite belonged or was enough (Madam Yu saw to that) and that left it's own scars, culminating in all gbe times he rather took on all burdens himself rather than ask for goddam help once. But he was loved. Loved and appreciated and cared for. It seems, that jgy never knew that, probably until NMJ took him as his Vice General. So he learned to survive in the shadows and bite his time until the opportunity arose, never fully trusting anyone.

Does that excuse anything or rid him of responsibility? Nope. But it makes for a damn interesting character

I AM SHOOK!

That exchange between Nie Mingjue and Jin Guangyao was such a brilliantly crafted piece of dialogue!!! 😱😱😱

Because, if, and I think by now that that's likely, jgy turns out to be the main villain of this arc, then he is one o can at least partially understand. He's right in saying that NMJ has no right to claim that his actions are all just. He's gained his position by virtue of his birth and he's working within a system that justifies itself through mixture of imagined moral high ground and the virtue of blood heritage. No action to uphold that can be truly just.

At the same time, I believe, jgy turned those believes into a self-fulfilling prophecy. He himself schemes and uses other people's worst impulses and the faults in the cultivation world to his advantage. Proofing to himself, again and again, that he is right about them and thus justified in his actions. Enter wwx who tries, who really tries to shove the error of their ways in their faces. (I think I just answered my question from a few episodes back about why jgy seems to be working specifically against wwx 🤔)

Sorry for going on such a tengant

NMJ, did you have to call him a son of a whore? 🙄

The hell is happening to NMJ?

Oh shit, what did he do with the song of clarity? How could you even use that to harm someone??

So he tweaked it?

Oh no 😥😥😥

Let me get this straight. JGY intentionally brought NMJ to the point of qui deviation? 😳

Oh no Huaisang!! 😭😭😭

Xue Yang??? He worked with JGY? 😱😱😱

So he didn't doe of Qui deviation!!!

Fuck, JGY spotted paperman-wwx 😳

Honestly wwx, maybe it's not the best idea ever to put your conscious into something that can be crushed by accidentally stepping on it 😬

That's his sword!!!

Didn't wwx just reveal who he is???

Maybe don't do that?!?!

HE CAN WIELD HIS SWORD AGAIN!!! 😭😭😭

but jgy definitely figured out who he is ... 😐

Still, I'm weirdly proud of him :')

But wait! Why does jgy have his sword to begin with???

Aww, little exhausted paperman-wwx flopping down into lwj's hand 🖤

This episode liveblog has been far too serious so far. Here, have my favourite lan Wangji mood:

I really appreciate how seamlessly this show moves between serious scenes and comedy

Jin Ling going "what do you want?" followed by 5 beats of silence and then

had me wheezing 😂

Oh no, he's hidden everything already, hasn't he?

Wow, even Xichen is defiant now. I sense drama!!!

@sweetlittlevampire @fandom-glazed @elenirlachlagos @allhailthedramallama @luckymoony @kyrrahbird @i-love-him-on-purpose (this episode was enlightening, but still raised more questions. Feels like we're honestly entering the final arc of this show 😔)