#I've had nothing but bad experiences every time I've participated in them over the years.

[maplerosekisses]

I was reading your tags on that post and WHAT THE HECK, YOU WERE AT DASHCON??

pls tell me everything

Lol, you're probably going to be disappointed, I'm afraid. I don't have the juicy stories for you.

Dashcon is one of my favorite memories and one of the best convention experiences of my life. Here's a post I made about it at the time.

I was around for the Friday night donation thing but I stayed outside the room with my friend Jenn, standing there in our dresses because that was supposed to be the formal dance, wondering what we should do, and eventually going to check that our hotel room was guaranteed regardless. I don't know what was said inside, because we both felt that going in wasn't a good idea.

I was also in the panel room waiting for Nightvale for over an hour while the cast was arguing with staff about payment, which was not properly explained to us when the staff member finally told us that the show was cancelled.

Those were disasters, but I've had more annoying-in-the-moment experiences at my own local con (not bigger actual administrative disasters, just things that were more frustrating to me as an attendee)

I don't know anything about the person who peed in the ball pit but I do know a lot of the rumors about panel topics and content were lies. I know some invited guests had bad experiences with travel compensation and some people only bought a badge (an expensive badge) for the Night Vale show and were left with nothing. I also remember on Sunday morning I was approached by a very sweet Cecil cosplayer who liked my wtnv shirt and wanted to let me know they were putting together a fan panel to replace what was supposed to be a cast q&a shortly. I didn't attend because there was another panel I wanted to go to, but I kind of wish I had.

I got to meet up with one of the best friends I had made on Tumblr and we had the cutest emotional airport meeting hug. I was first introduced to @my-graceless-heart during a panel hosted by the same friend and I would not have survived the fall of 2015 without them. I have one of their books on my shelf now, and on my purse at this moment I have a pin that a con buddy gifted me when I lost my favorite Sam Wilson pin on Sunday of the con. I bought more art at Dashcon than I had at any previous conventions combined.

The panels I remember most vividly happened later in the evening, and the lighting in the panel rooms wasn't great, so those memories are soft and almost cozy. There actually weren't that many people at dashcon, so the panel rooms weren't overfull and conversations were easy to participate in. Every panel I attended was fun — I've never had that experience at another con.

My local convention, which I do love, is technically an anime convention. And every year (I haven't attended since 2019) I encountered people I find extremely uncomfortable to interact with, who I might even feel unsafe with in a less public place. Every person I talked to at Dashcon was kind and fun and I felt at home around them.

Dashcon had some of the worst administration of any fan convention, probably ever, and a lot of people had terrible experiences that I don't want to invalidate. But it also had some of the best panels, best artists to buy from, and best attendee behavior of any convention I've ever been to. Those memories are precious to me and if I had a choice to go back and do it differently, I would not change into my prom dress on Friday night, I would stay out of the dashcon tag on my phone, and I would guard that Sam Wilson button with my life, but I would absolutely choose to do the rest all over again.

[dwarf-vader-of-middle-earth]

Every once in a very rare while, I'm reminded of the tragedy in my life that was growing up unable to participate in Boy Scouts.

For those who don't know, up until 2017, Boy Scouts of America (BSA) did not permit anyone who wasn't a biological male to join them. Trans men could not be part of their organization, and until I think 2015, gay men couldn't be part of it, either.

When I was growing up, I had a brother who did BSA, and he would go once a week or so to the meeting hall with all the scouts in town (it's a VERY small town), and they'd, together, participate in an hour long meeting.

All my friends at the time were boys. I knew almost every boy in the town that was my age, by name first and last. And they knew me. We hung out together at recess, played basketball, or on the playgrounds, and so on. They, too, went to BSA meetings with my little brother, and basically every single boy in my town was a BSA kid period.

My mother would help out with the leadership, since there wasn't a restriction on which gender adults could be leaders, but that meant for every single meeting, since I was too young to stay home alone, she took me with her, and I would have to sit there watching basically every single boy ever doing Boy Scout things.

Now, since all my friends were boys, and two of those friends' parents were leaders, those friends would occasionally drag me into the meetings and forcefully make their parents let me participate.

But I could NEVER be an official member.

No matter how bad I wanted to, I couldn't go to camps, I couldn't go to field trips, I couldn't earn badges, I couldn't earn trophies, I couldn't gain ranks and someday achieve Eagle Scout status.

The only girl scout troop in my town was run by a mother of an autistic child who required constant attention, which is perfectly fine genuinely, I'm autistic myself and I've had autistic adult family members who also require specific care and constant assistance, but because of this mother's position, she never in over 10 straight years could coordinate a single field trip, a single camping trip, a single excursion, and we NEVER earned more than 2 badges in an entire year. By the time I was supposed to be above a Junior Scout, I'd only JUST earned my Junior Scout status like a month before this.

What's more is, I didn't quite know I was trans by this point, but I most certainly did not get along with any girls. They were VERY catty, clique-based, and all the girls my age in town HATED me. They jumped me, pulled my hair, excluded me unless it was to make fun of me, made memes and jokes about me in school, and I was there in Girl Scouts surrounded by dozens of bullies, in a singular room of a house, and I just FELT the tension there. It was so thick you could cut it with a knife, but we weren't taught how to use knives so nobody would be able to. We weren't taught anything period. No survival skills, no life skills, no educational skills, nothing. We literally just sat there each meeting reading from our Girl Scout guidebook, and that was it.

Meanwhile, all my friends, and my little brother, went on camping trips several times yearly across the country, they gained DOZENS of badges, trophies, held town events and went to other towns' events for BSA, but I was sitting there in Girl Scouts. Miserable. Lonely. Out of place. Hoping each meeting we'd do SOMETHING (plant trees at a park, go hiking, camping, cook smores over a campfire, whatever). We never did any of this. At all.

Eventually I quit Girl Scouts to take on MMA classes instead.

And by the time I'd come out as male, there was still the ban on trans guys in BSA.

In mid 2017, BSA lifted this ban.

I was 4 months away from my 18th birthday, wherein I'd be too old to join them. And what experience would 4 months of BSA give me when I'd be starting from the bottom while all the other guys my age would have been mid Eagle Scout project??

I never did join BSA... I just do my damndest now to take solace knowing that young trans men now won't have to endure what I did, that they're free now to have the experience I always wanted. Their lives can be better than my own, and that's genuinely beautiful. The whole point of creating a future is to make the world and their lives better than what we have lived.

But I'd be lying if I said it didn't cause me pain to this day when I'm reminded BSA is a thing that I never got to do.

Just recently, BSA changed their name to "Scouting America", and they're allowing all people to join regardless of gender. That's genuinely beautiful, and I am honestly SO happy to hear this!!!! Their goal is to be more inclusive, which is fantastic and I am very proud of the leaders for doing this, especially considering the announcement was made at an official meeting in Florida of all places, where LGBT+ rights are being taken away left and right.

I just wish that, somehow, I could be a part of it all not as a leader, but as a kid... That I could've gone to camps for weeks at a time in the mountains, and gone hiking, all before my now disabled body went to hell and I can't even walk anymore...

I make up for this doing LARP events in the mountains and woods for 3 days at a time, at least. I find that even more fun because instead of just doing regular camp stuff, you're dressing up in fantasy gear and metal armor, and fighting each other with foam and latex weapons the entire weekend while playing along to a story, and making epic memories.

But again. It still hurts me to know I'll never have the experience that BSA could've provided me, if only they'd dropped their gender bans sooner...

[redrocketpanda]

Today is my 1 year anniversary of fic writing! I wanted to do something to celebrate but couldn't think of anything, so here's a little reflective ramble post about writing instead

For well over a decade (tbh closer to 15 years) I struggled with severe writing anxiety and, with the exception of one thing I posted in 2014, my anxiety became so bad that I completely disengaged from writing altogether. Whenever I sat down to write I would be filled with such powerful negative thoughts that I would become paralysed by them. I tried so many things to help combat this including writing workshops + classes, nanowrimo, mentoring, journaling, and reading tonnes of self-help advice, but nothing seemed to work. I grew increasingly despondent, afraid that nothing would "fix" me, which was incredibly depressing because when I was younger I loved writing. I wanted to get back to that space of creativity and joy that writing brought but instead felt like I was being pushed further and further away from it.

Then, in November 2022, I was talking to one of my best friends - @parad0xymoron - about how distressing I was finding S6 of My Hero Academia, to the point where I was struggling to watch it. Socket's suggestion? Write fic! If something is happening that I don't like or is upsetting me, then I can write a different version of events. And thus the first chapter of Just Watch Me - my Kirishima/Bakugou fic - was born.

And once I'd started, I found I couldn't stop.

Suddenly, all of the characters, and scenarios, and plots I was imagining in my head came spilling out onto the page. Between November - April, I not only posted all 4 chapters of Just Watch Me but I also wrote and published 7 other one-shots as well. This isn't to say that writing "suddenly" became easy. Of course it didn't. It was - and is - still stressful for me. There were times when I felt that all too familiar sense of paralysis creeping up on me, but I drew on all the tools I had learned over a decade to deal with it.

I stopped. Took a deep breath. Looked inside to see what was going on: What was I scared or anxious of? Then I addressed the issue myself, or spoke to friends who helped me process. And then I kept going. I didn't let the fear or the anxiety or the obsessive need for perfection to stop me.

In exactly 1 year (27th November 2022 - 27th November 2023) I went from 0 words to:

I repeat: In exactly 1 year I went from 0 words in (almost) 10 years to 87, 852 words across 12 published fics for 5 different fandoms. And that's not even including the thousands of words I have from my wips.

During this time, I didn't just write though. I spent time devouring other people's fics and learning from their writing. I spoke to a whole bunch of wonderful fic writers who gave me tonnes of useful feedback, ideas, reassurance, and validation. I began analysing media I enjoy to begin breaking down the parts of them that I loved so that I could learn from it. I joined a bunch of bang events (which, honestly, has been incredible). And I made friends with some of the most wonderful people + writers who are now very dear to my heart.

Perhaps ironically, I cannot even put into words how life changing writing fic and participating in fandom has been for me. It has given me back what no workshops or classes or professionals has ever been able to give me - my ability to write, and to enjoy writing.

So let me just be a sap for a minute and say a very tearful thank you to any of you who have been part of my journey - whether that's been in leaving kudos or comments on my fics, or talking through ideas with me, or beta-reading my fics, or gifting me your valuable writing advice, or sharing your own writing journeys with me, or being someone who I've made friends with.

I'm literally so grateful to every single experience I've had over the past year, and it makes me very excited to see what the next year brings. I still have far to go and much to learn, but damn am I revelling in the fucking joy of being able to write. I'm so excited to keep writing, keep creating, and keep sharing with you all <3

[roachliquid]

Unpacking the Pokemon Universe: dealing with the silly ideas I've internalized over the years

Every once in a while, I get the urge to create some kind of Pokemon fanfiction. I sit at my computer and think about all the details: where to set it, who it should be about, what it should be about. And inevitably, I end up stymied and depressed and writing nothing.

At first I was asking myself: Is this because Pokemon is a kids' universe? And well, to an extent, yeah. As an adult, trying to come up with anything in the setting can feel like deliberately trying to play with Duplos when you have more age appropriate toys right there. "Why am I doing this?" I end up asking myself. "This fandom is 90% kids, maybe I'm trying to force myself where I don't belong? Maybe I should just leave them to it?"

That's silly, though. Pokemon doesn't belong to any one demographic, not strictly. And participating in a fandom isn't forcing yourself into any one space - there are loads of outlets, which all attract different age groups.

(Also, there really aren't any more "mature" settings that can take the place of Pokemon. It's a very unique setup.)

Then I thought about it a bit more. Asking myself what details, specifically, were bothering me about the setting. And that's when I started to realize - I didn't have problems, I had assumptions. Things I'd come up with over the years, things I'd internalized as a teenager from other writers, that really don't hold up under scrutiny but make the universe feel a lot less sensible and usable. And after hashing them out, I've realized that they mostly come down to two extremely silly ideas that I'd just never gotten around to unpacking.

So let's dive into those!

Assumption #1: The world of the Pokemon games and anime is "dumbed down" compared to what it would really be like.

To some extent, I feel this is true. And by that I mean, a lot of things that take place in the Pokemon universe are simplified for the benefit its audience. Real eggs take more work to hatch than just throwing them in your backpack and riding around, and of course real fossils don't always come in single complementary pairs.

But then I got thinking about other questions, like "Why don't evil teams pull guns on children who come after them?" and "Why isn't the world covered in unethical Eevee breeding mills?" and I realized that in most cases, the answer is right there, I just missed them because I was assuming that the Pokemon world looks like ours behind the scenes. And it doesn't. The reason bad guys don't carry guns is because they were never invented. And Pokemon societies are both noncapitalist and fairly ethics-oriented, so of course there aren't dozens of assholes breeding as many rare Pokemon as they can hawk to kids.

Basically, any kind of evil that you might assume would be everywhere, is actually rare enough that you could make an arc villain out of it.

Assumption #2: Everything in the setting revolves around kids.

For a long time, it was believed by the fandom that Pokemon protagonists' experiences represented the norm. You get a Pokemon at age ten, you go on a journey to take on the Gyms, etc etc. And looking at it from that perspective, it seemed like things would be really boring for adults. After all, who cares if you can revive ancient Pokemon from fossils if they're all getting handed off to kids who will just use them for competitive battles? Why even go to the universe when you've already aged out of its main source of appeal?

Then, while playing Heart Gold, it clicked: the experiences of a Pokemon protagonist aren't meant to be universal. In Gen 2 specifically, the only reason you're taking on a Pokemon journey at the tender age of ten is because Mr. Pokemon realizes that you're some kind of Pokemon prodigy - the same reason you end up moonlighting as Professor Elm's research assistant. The fact that this isn't normal is made even more obvious in later games, where people are shown starting Pokemon journeys well into their teens or even adulthood.

Likewise, one can guess that world events (or even significant ones) don't usually revolve around One Plucky Trainer who just happens to be having a journey right now. The games don't show it, because streamlining, but if you look at the characters you meet during the story, a lot of them are adults who are presumably getting into all kinds of exciting shit in their line of work - professors discovering new species, archaeologists unearthing ancient cultures, all kinds of people hunting down alleged cryptids that may or may not be new Pokemon. Not only is the main adventure not exclusive to ten-year-olds, but it's far from the only interesting thing that a character could be doing.

(Similarly, not everything in the universe revolves around Pokemon professors, Gym Leaders, legendary Pokemon, and major villains. They are of course fun to read and write about, but there's still plenty of wiggle room if you want to do something original.)

So... yeah! I think the big takeaway from this is that I need to be more careful when assessing the setting, and try to take it on its own terms instead of reading a lot of real-world ideas into it.

[bread-tab]

i'm at the stage of the semester where i can only do so much to affect my final grade, to catch up, etc, and i find myself in an unprecedented state of serene reflection

i have learned so much from this class about what it means to go back to school as an adult.

which is weird because i went to college for 8-ish years straight as a young adult trying to get my damn associate's degree and i started to feel REALLY old by the time i hit 24 in that environment.

but as the big three-oh slowly draws nearer, and i come back to the ministrations of the education industry after a couple of very long gap years... i find myself in a different paradigm.

i've forgotten my old routine. i've gotten rusty at it. i didn't plan before the semester, or go carefully shopping for supplies; i didn't even go to the disability services office and ask for accommodations

(which in hindsight i should have, because they'd have let me use some expensive but very handy note-taking software for free and it's a little late for that now but i still need to catch up on recorded lectures)

i just. dived right in. and i handled it like a fukcing champ. i figured out new time management and mental energy budgeting strategies on the fly. i juggled making it to class around two jobs, a volunteer gig, and multiple illness flareups. i dropped the ball spectacularly. i had a couple very bad anxious breakdowns. and every time, i de-catastrophized and picked myself back up.

it's time to start work on the final essay. miracle of miracles, i got the reading done for it. now i have to do (shudder) research. my goal is to submit ONE structrually sound essay, edited, maybe even looked over by a tutor first—ONE good essay that i didn't write on the day of the deadline, goddamnit.

and even if i do, even if i get 100% on the final, i don't know whether i will pass the class. but i will continue giving it the good ol' college try right up to the last day.

(and unlike last time i did this—last time i decided i'm going to squeeze every drop of insight and integrity out of my stupid hard-earned F—this time i'm not stressing about it. i mean, i feel the stress, sure. but it's an order of magnitude less serious.)

this has been a learning experience. i don't know what the hell i was thinking signing up for the class i've historically done the worst at this semester, when i was out of practice with the entire concept of going to school, stressed, unmedicated, broke and stretched thin on time management already. what the fuck, January!Jack?

but somehow i've done the best i ever have in this class. i've done all the readings. i've read some damn decent literature these last couple of months. i actually participated in discussions without pulling anything out of my ass from a hasty skim-reading. inability to complete writing assignments in a timely manner aside... i at least started most of them. i cannot stress enough that i did all the readings, *unmedicated.* (coffee helps but is not an effective substitute.) i have no idea where this newfound ability to focus has come from... well, wait, i do.

i figured out how to make myself *want* to do all the readings.

all of them.

if nothing else, that's worth the $400 i dropped on this class even if i fail. i figured out how to fucking read again.

in short:

W

[cxlxssal]

  “I wish the best of luck to all those going to Adreffe as participants for the region’s first ever contest, and hope that all attending as observers have a wonderful time.”

[acciocriativity]

You and Me || Harry Potter

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Slytherin/Reader

Summary: It's always been you and Draco since you can remember, the invincible duo, the two of you against the world but some things have changed along the way and it's not news to any soul at Hogwarts but it's time your parents knew too. 

 Word Count: 2,8k

A/N: I took a bit to finish but here it is your story @x-dratie-x. I hope you all like it! Tom Riddle is not Voldemort in this oneshot, Voldemort didn’t exist at all but the events of the first war and its consequences still is valid, but with another wizard.

Warnings: A very very slightly sexual conversation and that's all

1987  

  I didn't want to be at that dinner, I didn't want to have to listen all day long to how well I should behave because the Malfoy's were such an important family or something. 

I had plans for the week, I would go with our elf to buy more art supplies and I was allowed to spend the day outside the house, just drawing the landscape. 

My parents never let me participate in events like this, because I might mess up, say something inappropriate for the moment, or whatever excuse they decided to make up. But out of the blue, I was told that I would have to be there. Why? I couldn't understand and I didn't even ask them, what good would it do? None. 

The day was only getting worse and worse by the hour for me, I just wanted to take off that dress and go play but I couldn't, obviously. So I did what was left to me, smile and eat politely without making any noise or comments, not that there were any comments I would like to make. I had no idea what they were talking about, it was absolutely boring. The only thing that made me feel slightly better were my own thoughts and the fact that their son was as bored as I was. 

We knew each other because of some casual encounters between our parents but never had the opportunity to talk to each other, because of course, only grown-ups talk.

But it seems that I drew the long straw after a horrible day, after dinner Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy were invited to stay a little longer and I was excused along with Draco to play.  

I could hardly believe it, I wouldn't have to sit there and smile for another 45 minutes, my happiness couldn't be measured at that moment. Not even waiting for my mother to say it again, I stood up and said goodbye politely with a smile before walking up the stairs and I could hear footsteps following me somewhat hesitantly but I didn't care at the moment. 

"Come on, let's go play in my room", I exclaimed with a huge smile and threw the bow tie, which was pinning my hair, on the floor and quickly walked over to it uncaringly.

 I missed his shocked expression but as soon as we reached my door, he made sure to make it clear to me. 

"Do your parents let you do that?", the question made no sense in my head but stopping to think about it now, it makes sense, he should always be flawless. 

"They don't care as long as it's not in front of guests, you won't tell them, right?", his greyish blue eyes reflected mine and for a few seconds I thought that was a beautiful effect.

 He looked away from me and nodded slightly in agreement, his face covered in shyness and I just squealed with delight. I opened the door and pulled him inside, his hand was so cold that I thought about taking one of my jackets and handing it to him. 

"So what do you want to do? I have some toys in my closet, I'll get them", I walked happily to the door and proceeded to try to decide what I would want. Some was not the best word, there were a lot of them, far more than I would ever use. 

 I came back with a big mulberry box that I've only been able to carry within the last year and placed it on my bed but he didn't even notice, he was looking at my drawings. 

"Oh, you liked them. I wish I had done one more today, do you want to try?", I asked him and walked over to the table where my sheets were. 

"Yeah, they're not too bad", he stated nonchalantly and I didn't believe him for a moment but I chose to keep my mouth shut for once. 

 I picked up two white sheets, two quills and sat down quietly on the floor, since I didn't have two chairs for the two of us but it seems he wasn't used to that. 

"Come on, hurry up, your parents won't be here forever", I patted the seat next to me and soon he sat down as well, I noticed his posture still uncomfortable and my goal for the day turned to change that, if only for 5 minutes. 

 From that day on, we became closer and our parents obviously understood and liked that, because we were strengthening their relationship and at no point that crossed my mind. I was just happy to be supported by my parents to visit Draco. 

1991

 My Hogwarts letter had arrived some weeks ago and I hadn't let go at any point, going to Diagon Alley had become a completely different experience and I couldn't wait, but I had to because I pleaded with my and his parents so that we would go together.

But the day had finally arrived and I had to contain all my energy to not look like an out of control little girl, nothing out of the ordinary but today was more difficult because I was genuinely happy. I was always genuinely happy with my only real friend. 

"Y/N, you must hurry or we are going to be late", I could hear my mother's voice from downstairs just as I finished putting on my flats. 

 As it was a very important occasion I had chosen my favorite outfit, even my parents were a little excited too. They had told me that they had met at Hogwarts and that I would find someone from a good family at Slytherin as well. This part was completely ignored by me but they never found out about it. 

"I'm here mom, we won't be late", I said as soon as I came down the stairs and approached them without running. We were near the fireplace and I mentally thanked them for not having to apparate, because it was always a horrible experience for me.

"Okay, I'll go first and you two right after", my father made sure to announce although he always goes first when we go out like that.   

 After a few minutes, we arrived in front of Flourish & Blotts and there was the imposing Malfoy family. After a small talk in which I had no interest in paying attention to, we all went inside and we were finally able to talk while our parents were engaged in a conversation with the attendant. 

"I've already said it once and I'll say it again, I honestly don't understand how you're not that excited, it's Hogwarts", I whispered to him as we walked through the messy shelves full of books. 

"It doesn't seem like a great thing after hearing it so many times", I could clearly see that there was something more there, I had known him long enough to know that and also that he wouldn't tell me easily. 

"Okay, so you're telling me that you're not the least bit excited to leave Malfoy Manor to start your life?", his lips twitched trying to hold back a smile, his eyes shifted from mine, looking for something to distract himself. 

 But I could stop him, my cunning little hands went to his waist tickling that area before he could prevent me from doing so. That was enough to make him laugh, although he denied that he was ticklish every time I asked. 

This attack did not end well for me, because revenge existed in his vocabulary and was even overused. I had to run, as fast as I could, and it still didn't work. 

And why? Because I went to a dead end corridor upstairs, I had never even visited the second floor of that store, the day I went there I had to get unlucky. 

In short, I was attacked twice more without mercy, my glasses almost got broken and we were so noisy that the owner gave us a scolding and our parents did the same as soon as we left with our packages, but this was not enough to ruin the day and our good mood. 

1993

 It was already expected that we would both end up in Slytherin, which was great because we didn't have to be separated, on the opposite, we became closer than ever. It also didn't take long to form our group of friends, actually not more than a month but the thing that made us truly close started in the third year when I had a genius idea. 

We all had a reason to dislike Harry, mine was nowhere near Draco's, no one's was but we shared it anyway. It was always fun to pick fights with him, make pranks and get him into trouble on purpose, so why not make it a little game? It was so easy that the idiots, Crabbe and Goyle understood the first few times, you can't expect more than that from them, and this was certainly a record for both. 

The game had three main objectives: 

- Take the most materials from Harry or his friends: ink, quill, books, whatever they were carrying would be a prize and would get a point.

- See him or his friends more often, with the intention of spying on them just for fun, of course. It could be in class or in the corridors, each time would be an extra point. 

- Pick fights with him or his friends, each minute was worth one point and to be proven, had to have someone to confirm it. 

 Of course, there was no room for lies, and I made sure to put a spell on our board to prevent this. Yes, I had made a small board that stayed with me but each team wrote down their own score.

To make it more fun, we split up into pairs. Draco and I, Pansy and Blaise, Grabbe and Goyle, Astoria and Millicent and Tom and Theo.

And finally, the best part, whoever had the most points at the end of the year would win 5 galleons from each person, as well as having a celebration party financed by the losers.  

Needless to say, Draco and I always won since the day I created the game. Our friends always complained about us playing dirty but it was never necessary and deep down they knew it, it must be hard to lose every year so I don't judge them.  

1995

"Are they still complaining?", I remained with my eyes closed, it was comfortable to lie curled up against Draco on the couch in the common room. We had two free classes, which was being put to good use to get some rest after a year of N.O.M.S. and a devastating victory in our little game.

"They'll get over it when we come back in September, I guess.... You're missing the best part", his voice came out whispered directly into my ear and I couldn't help but smile.      

 I didn't need to see the scene to know what was going on, Tom and Theo blaming each other for the defeat, everyone standing back from them because no one wants to get involved in their ego battle and our other friends trying not to laugh because it was a funny scene, even if they didn't know it.

"They're taking longer than last time...", I commented slightly annoyed by the noise. I had no idea what had happened to me, because usually I spent the afternoon celebrating my victory but not today. 

"Let's get out of here, you seems so good", he hadn't even completed his sentence when I agreed and painfully got up to go to his room. 

 But before I could take two steps, I felt his arms go around my waist and legs, leading me up the stairs in a bridal style.

I smiled wider and snuggled into his arms, enjoying more of the warmth and good feeling it gave me until we reached the bed.

"Thanks honey, I don't know what happened today", I commented under my breath as soon as he had me lying on the bed, but I knew it was a lie.

"Are you sure? This isn't related to the fact that our parents will know about our relationship in a few days?", I hoped he would pretend he didn't know but that wasn't the case, I wasn't going to be able to run away from the subject.

"It's just that I don't like them meddling in our lives, of course I have nothing against your parents, I'll love to be introduced as your girlfriend but my parents will be twice as unbearable", I sighed and hugged the blond once more, if there was one thing that made me better it was this. 

"Like my mom isn't going to start a 3 year planning for our wedding after she finds out, but at least they'll be used to it by the end of the summer and we won't have to go through this again", he began to fiddle with my hair and curl the strands between his fingers, slowly my shoulders relaxed and a considerable chunk of my worry faded away.

"Yes, I think so but it's going to be a lot harder for us to be alone now. You definitely won't be stepping foot in my room like you did when we used to play together", the memories flooded back and I felt him smile too, it had been a while since this had escaped my thoughts. 

"I don't need to worry about that, we slept together for almost the entire year at Hogwarts and they can't do anything about it and we'll keep doing it", I couldn't see him since my face was buried in his neck, but the perfect image of his mischievous grin formed in my head. 

 "The question is, will you survive for two months without me? Because I don't see that happening", I teased with a huge smirk as I turned to look him in the eye. 

"It won't happen because your father won't be enough to stop me love and I'll make sure you don't have to resort to your hands, because we know it wouldn't be enough", smugness was all over his face and as much as I searched for an answer to that, I didn't have one. Not in the first few seconds. 

"Good love, that's good because I'm sure your hands wouldn't do a better job either. In fact, I'd be a little worried if they actually still work, in case we get separated", I had managed to wipe the smirk off his face but I also knew it wouldn't stay that way, revenge was still an overused word in his vocabulary. 

 A week later, there I was on one of the Hogwarts Express cars with Draco, since we couldn't fit all our friends there anyway, we decided to enjoy the last hours of freedom we had together. 

And how quickly it went by, one moment I was chatting with my boyfriend while my puppy slept peacefully in her travel bed and the next, we had arrived and a wave of students were trying to get through the doors at the same time. 

We stepped off the train holding hands, while I carried only my baby in the other, and this detail did not escape the trained eyes of our parents who were talking side by side but as soon as they noticed us they stopped.

"For Merlin's sake, you two finally decided to listen to me and are in a relationship now?", my mother's eyes sparkled with excitement and I could already hear her voice asking me all sorts of embarrassing questions. "Narcisa, our family is finally becoming one, this is the best news I could ever receive", she could jump for joy now but because of the good posture of a London high society woman, she did not do that.

"How about dinner at our house today? We have a good reason to celebrate," I had seen his mother smile at me several times but even Lucius Malfoy seemed satisfied enough to show a little bit of his teeth, which is indeed shocking.

 My parents agreed to the idea immediately and only one look was exchanged between Draco and me, it only took a single look to know that we both acknowledged it would be an insufferable night. 

Harry Potter Masterlist

[hildagirl99]

The last Outlaw

(part 1)

Bill, like every night, wakes up from the same nightmare, a shadow chasing him calling him.

"Is it still the same nightmare?" Aiyanna asks, who was by his side.

"Yes… I don't know why. I don't believe in premonitory dreams." Bill answers.

"Is there something bothering you lately? A fear? A person?"

"Not really…"

"No, just… hope."

"A hope ?"

"Yes, you know that for the past month I've been trying to find information about my missing father." Said Bill.

"Maybe it's him you see in a dream."

"Maybe… you know this mission is my last chance to find my father. I need all the information I can get. I need my mother, also see if he doesn't have any friends."

"Bill, without wanting to make you lose hope, but maybe you have to face reality ... your father may have died. It's been 45 years since he disappeared and when we go to conquer the however, we seldom come back alive. "

"I need to know! I can tell he's still alive!" Bill said, determined.

Aiyanna sighs. When Bill was determined, it was impossible for him to go back.

"If that's it, then I'll come with you." She says.

"Sorry ?"

"No matter how dangerous, I'll follow you."

"If you say so, I will feel less alone. I will go see my mother the next day, because tomorrow is when my expedition starts. Please don't tell Tanka about it." Bill smiles before going back to sleep.

The next day, Bill goes to his mother, who was waiting for him with her 5 brothers and sisters.

"It's been a long time…" her older brothers, twins John and Ethan were saying.

"The last time was 2 years ago… What did you do?" Asks his big sister, Martha.

"Well… that's why I want to see you, I need your help." Bill answers.

"If it's to ask for money, it's no." Teases his big brother, Tom.

"No, it concerns our family."

"Do you want to talk about daddy?" Julia, the last of the family, recalls.

"How do you know…" Bill sighs.

"My intuition, big brother."

"Precisely, in a little while, I am leaving… I am going on a trip, to try to find him."

"Are you serious? But… isn't it a bit too late? Bill… we had already tried but nothing. We can only conclude that he is dead." Martha said.

"No… you have to persevere! I will do what you all were unable to do!" Bill writes, exhausted to hear that his father may be out of this world.

His brothers and sisters look at each other, as if he is right.

"Have your own experience, bro. We trust you." Said Tom.

"Dead or alive, I'll find him."

"And what do you want to ask us in the end?" John asks.

"Do… do you have a picture of him?"

"A photo? Uh… I think you should ask mom. But I'm afraid she's gotten rid of it."

"Whatever!" Bill said walking over to his mother.

His mother, Lana, since the disappearance of her beloved, her life no longer had any meaning or interest. She held on thanks to her children. She stayed most of the time in her room embroidering or knitting. For 30 years, she had sent letters to her love hoping in return for his news. She had given up since, as if she had completely forgotten. Bill was not to rush her.

"Hello Mom." He said in a low voice.

"I thought you were in jail after everything you had done for us." She replies, not taking her eyes off her knitting.

"Mom… I was doing it for you, to keep us from starving. I apologize if I had to be away for a while."

"What's your excuse?"

"Mum, I… do you have a picture of daddy?" He asks.

Lana stops knitting. Bill knew it was difficult to talk about his father.

"I don't know what you're talking about…" she replied after a long silence.

"Mom… seriously, it's for a good cause! Remember! You certainly have a picture of daddy! I'm asking you that because I'm going to look for him!"

Lana's eyes widen.

"Come on… I didn't think you would really go looking for him, there is no hope that you would find him."

“Mom, please…” Bill pleads.

"You're like him… I don't want you to go! You risk your life! Go north alone, you have to be suicidal!" Said her mother getting up from her chair.

"It doesn't matter! Dead or alive! I'll find him!"

"Geez, you've got all of him… determined, fearless and stubborn…"

"Mom, just a picture of him." Said Bill ignoring what she just said.

"It's not very visible but I'll show it to you anyway." She said moving to her nightstand.

She pulls out a tiny, yellowish, worn photo.

"It's him…"

Bill is speechless, as if he held the Holy Grail.

"My god… I had no idea what he looked like when I was a baby but now I have a face on my dad. I understand why you tell me I look a lot like him…" he said.

"But what's the use of this photo? He's aged a lot in 45 years… how are you going to recognize him, if god knows he's alive." Lana asks.

Bill was moved to hold in his hand the only photo of his missing father.

"I don't know… what was his name?"

"He was known as Jack Terror when he was a bandit… His name was Jacky."

"Jacky… daddy… Jack Terror…" Bill whispers, staring at the picture.

"This is the only photo of him… I pray with it every night since his disappearance."

"Don't worry… I won't take it… I finally have a face and a name on our father." He said, returning the photo to her.

"When are you going to leave?" Asks his mother.

"I'll start the research, when and where last we saw it, tomorrow. There must be records of the gold conquest." He replies.

"Bill… please I don't want to lose you like I lost your father. Just be careful! If anything happens to you, I'll never forgive myself…"

Bill turns around and hugs his mother.

"Don't worry, mom, I'm careful, I love to play with death…"

"Cheeky kid…" his mother said, smiling weakly.

After saying goodbye to his mother, he walks over to his siblings.

"Be careful bro, it doesn't matter if you can find a trace of daddy." John said.

"Don't worry, I'll do my best, I'm doing it for all of us." Bill responds with a wink.

Back in the Indian tribe, with Aiyanna.

"Did you get any information?" She asks.

"I had a face and a name on my dad, but right after that, it's going to be serious. I'll dig deeper."

"Do you plan to brief Lorelei and Penny on your trip?"

"* Sigh * I don't want to endanger them, especially not my daughters and my son. This is my story, it's only about me. I don't want to cause them concern."

"You're not causing any concern, honey. I'm happy to participate in your research. And if it's important to you, you don't have to tell them."

Bill looks on the horizon.

"I will not do."

"I could come ?" Said Tanka, their son.

"Tanka? No… it's dangerous." Said Aiyanna.

"Dad will need a pair of fangs if there's a bad beast or bad character around."

"Hehe definitely… like father like son… we'll go together, but if I feel the danger is approaching, run and hide when I tell you." Laughs Bill.

At nightfall, everything was calm, a little too calm, a thick fog surrounds the tribe.

"Brrr… it's suddenly cold." Said Aiyanna.

"Is it normal in August?" Bill asks.

"No… Oh !! Look!"

In the shadows behind the teepees, a gigantic lean form moves slowly.

"My god !! But what is it?"

Suddenly they hear war cries and barking.

"Quick! Let's get out!"

And what they saw froze them in place. The creature was about 3 meters tall, it stood on its skinny legs, it possessed a long tail, one could distinguish in the middle the bones of its half-gnawed tail, the monster had a bone head in the shape of a deer with horns, and finally, large hands with long claws. The Indians were around the beast, screaming to frighten it, that didn't help, it only made the beast even more angry, it growled.

"This is ... this is ..." Aiyanna stutters.

Tanka was close to the beast trying to bite it in his wolf form.

"Tanka !! Back off !! You're going to be hurt!" Bill writes running to his son.

Bill's screams attract the beast, which turns its head towards him. She walks up to him. Bill's legs remain frozen in place, unable to move.

"Daddy !! Go away !!" Said Tanka.

An Indian throws a stone at the beast to divert its attention. She growls and leaps at the Indian, grabbing him by the mouth before running away.

"My ... god ... what is ..."

"It was the wendigo !!" Writes Aiyanna.

"Wendi what?"

"The wendigo! A cursed Native American creature! What was he doing in our tribe? And he took one of our brothers!"

"Are we cursed? If the wendigo has come to our tribe, it means a bad omen." Sighs the Indian chief.

"But can someone explain to me what wendigo is?" Bill asks in confusion.

"It is an evil creature, often depicted with a human body and the head of a deer. It is a cursed creature that only lives to eat human flesh ..."

"If he's around, he's got no more to eat and now he's coming here to get food… we're on his hunting ground now." Said Aiyanna.

The whole tribe was now in a panic.

"It's weird… he didn't seem to be hunting…" Bill thought.

"And how do we kill this creature?" Aiyanna asks.

"Nothing… his skin is hard as a stone, our arrows will do nothing. Only fire is fatal to him." The chef answers.

To be continued...

[make-me-imagine]

congrats on 5.5k!! you're insanely talented and I'm so happy you're getting the recognition you deserve 🥺🥺 could i join in the ship requests too?

I'm a rather small sized (like, 154cm & ~40kg kind of small) Asian female from a South East Asia country and i prefer men, especially men who are taller and Age Gaps™ 🥴 I'm not sure how much you know about/believe in astrology but I'm a Libra sun, Taurus rising and Capricorn moon so you can do what you want with that 😂

I'm an INTP/INFP (I've gotten both an equal number of times from sites OTHER than 16 personality, tho I personally vibe with INTP just a teeny smidge more) if you do MBTI ✌🏼 I LOVE to read, especially fanfiction lmao, and i also write! I really love listening to music + watching shows/movies too! My favourite shows are all mystery/crime based LOL and I am working towards becoming a criminal psychologist/forensic pathologist/forensic scientist in future! (heavily inspired by Criminal Minds, Sherlock, Detective Conan and the like so 😂) I have a really vivid and good imagination please i can spend DAYS just daydreaming and imagining scenarios that I never finish writing about & generally this is how all my work is never finished loll

I'm the eldest sibling at home, and my parents haven't always been around so I've been rather used to stepping up and taking care of myself (+ my sibling, like helping them with homework and all). Some people say I'm a natural born leader? idk bc I often step up to be the leader in group work & I'll often be the one to initiate things & all. I'm a rather big procrastinator though LOLL so you'll often catch me rushing my assignments & final projects & rushing my revision for exams + finals like, 2 days before the actual exam 💀 which often leads to me becoming more stressed out & breaking down more often than i actually should so 🥲 I'm trying to quit this bad habit though

I love cuddles and hugs please I will KILL for cuddles and hugs from my back by a tall character pls it just feels so safe and comforting to be spooned too 🥺🥺 sometimes when I'm too absorbed in work or something (which happens too often for it to be healthy) I might just forget to eat/sleep entirely AND also my sleep routine isn't the best. like i will literally fall asleep at 9pm, wake up in the middle of the night on my own at like, 1am, then usually I'll be rushing homework at this time, then maybe sleep again for a short while from 4ish? till when i have to get up for school/work at 5:30/6am 💀 there's been days where i literally looked so sick from the lack of sleep where my tutor once stopped the class to ask me if I was okay and if i was going to faint LMAO 😔 i feel like I'm a night owl??? but then also i have no problem getting up super early in the morning so?? but i really feel most at home and really enjoy the 3am nights 😌

i am also the class clown lol but it's bc i just make sarcastic comments and all and my friends think they're funny???? but also i enjoy making people laugh bc sometimes i find it interesting to try and see what kind of things make my friends laugh so it's lowkey an experiment? or like something i want to achieve? at this point. I'm fluent in English and Chinese/Mandarin and I'm learning Italian so I roughly know some basics, and I really enjoyed History, which I took last year but dropped this year. (I'm taking English Literature with Biology + Chemistry this year and they're all great, except I'm literally dying from the workload aaahhh 💀)

I'm kinda clumsy and Not Good™ at most sports, maybe passably okay for badminton but I'm really not that athletic and really not very keen on exercising either 😔 I'm quite creative and good with public speaking/creative writing/impromptu performance/speech though I'd say! I'm also in my school's drama club 😎 though I'm more of a backstage lights & sounds kind of person. I'm right handed (with a really neat handwriting, as I've been told many, many, many times) and I wear thin frame spectacles which I sometimes will fall asleep in & I'm so clumsy/careless that I'm actually really afraid I'd break them (it's happened before 😭)

I'm a really good planner? like i can do up a great and detailed schedule/plan for revision and all but i will NOT stick to what i plan 😭😭 i love to snack!!!! on chips + gummies especially, and my diet is quite unhealthy lmao i literally don't eat vegetables At All™ & i don't really eat meat that much too?? lmaoo please i can go for days without having a single proper meal & just survive on snacking on potato chips + soft drinks 💀 i am a very picky eater though so really me not finding food i like/am able to stomach is also really kind of my fault 🤡

while i really vibe with and love the dark academia aesthetic, i also do video/MOBA games, like i play games like Mobile Legends & all. I'm someone who knows most, if not all the lastest trends (like tiktok, memes etc) but i won't actively participate in them? i just kind of like to know things, like Knowledge is Power you know (I'm a Slytherin, in case you're wondering, though I've gotten Ravenclaw so often it's a close tie sometimes)

okay i feel like that's enough details about me? feels like I've told you nothing that's useful oh well LOL... I'd really love a ship for Criminal Minds and Marvel? if that's possible please? in case you missed it, i prefer men! (I'm a questioning bi, with a strong preference for men) for the hc prompt "what you do on your first date" or maybe "how you met + first impressions"?

thank you so much for being so kind and willing to do this ship requests thing!! I'm sure you're spending TONS of time and effort on this and aahhh i feel bad for typing so long paragraphs now (as you may have noticed i have a tendency to ramble on if not stopped because i am just really Socially Awkward ™ sometimes 💀 and have really bad (social) anxiety too) and i really think you're super amazing for doing this??? I'm so sorry if this took up too much of your time aaahhhhh thank you so so so much 🥺😭😭 really the biggest of congratulations to you for your 5.5k??? you really do deserve every single follower & i am SO insanely happy for you 🤩❤️

- 🌙🏒 anon

Don’t worry, you definitely provided enough information lmao. 

And thank you for your kind words, I appreciate it. 

I hope you like the ships I made for you

They are under the cut: 

Criminal Minds: 

I ship you with Hotch. 

You get the age-gap here lol. He would be a bit hesitant due to the age gap at first, but he would get over it because he can not resist. He does not seem like the type of cuddles, and especially does not take part in PDA. But when you are alone he would love holding you and spooning, especially after a long day of work. Aaron would be attracted to your uniqueness as well as your intelligence and aesthetic, finding it to be very “you”. 

How you met + his first impressions: 

You met when you were transferred to the BAU as the new Forensic Pathologist.

Hotch thought you were very interesting when you first met and was definitely intrigued by you. 

He thought you fit in fairly well and would get along with the others (which you do). 

He appreciates a sarcastic sense of humor, so he would dig that as well.

Hotch could tell you had a form of anxiety and wold be patient around you when you first met so that you could open up to him at your own pace.

What you do on your first date:

He takes you to a hockey game. 

He is not the sportiest person but he has had an interest in hockey for a while, sometimes watching it on tv. 

When he learned that you liked it, he decided that this would be the perfect opportunity to invite you on a date as well as to see his first game. 

After the game, you walked around town for a bit, getting some late night food and talking or a long time. 

This allowed you to open up to him quite a bit and you grew more comfortable around him as well, which he is very happy about. 

Best Friend: 

Your best friend is JJ. She thinks you are really cool and unique and nice. She has the type of personality that is easy t get along with and open up too, so you bonded with her quicker than the others. I also feel like she is into hockey as well, so she appreciates your love for it as well. 

-

Marvel: 

I ship you with Sam. 

I think Sam is a good fit for you. He is into sports, and digs your aesthetic. He is easy to get along with and very funny. He thinks your line of work is very interesting and loves to listen to you talk about it. Sam also really enjoys crime shows ans thrillers so he is always excited to meet someone who enjoys them as well. 

How you met + his first impressions:

You met through Nat, who you had met through SHIELD years before. 

You happened to be at the compound with Nat when Sam was there and she introduced you. 

He immediately thought you were pretty and very interesting.

Sam could tell you were shy, but that did not stop him from flirting.

Though he also made some jokes and was easy going as to not scare you off. 

He made sure to ask Nat about you once you left and managed to convince her to give him your contact info. 

What you did on your first date: 

He took you to the movies first, to watch the most recent crime thriller that came out. 

After the movie you went to a nearby park and walked around, talking about the movie and other crime/horror related stuff. 

You got food at a food truck and sat by the fountain together. 

He was appalled when you told him that you didn’t eat that often (if came a part of your relationship later on that he would try to cook you meals that you’d like just so you WOULD EAT). 

You ended up spending hours together, and it felt like no time at all.

So you were definitely up for another date with him, which he of course asked you about.  

Best-Friend: 

Natasha. She was the first one you met, and slowly introduced you to the others. She thought you were really cool when you first met and was surprised at how well you go along. That is sometimes hard for her to do, so once you became friends she never took that for granted. She and Sam would gang up on you when you weren’t eating btw. 

xxaaron

[tibby]

Can you speak more on Steve Harrington's trauma? I've never seen anyone address it, seemingly dismissing his character as just a "dumb mom friend" or whatever...

sure! i’ll stick to the show with this, because even though i have a lot of thoughts wrt steve and his life and why he acts the way he does, it’s all personal interpretation and not actual canon (though would happily discuss those more anytime.)

before i get into any specifics with regards to what steve has been through during the show, i do want to discuss a little about what we can assume of his relationships pre-nancy, and pre-everything: 

canon doesn’t give us a lot to work with in regards to steve’s parents, but based on what we do know, it doesn’t seem good. we can assume that they’re somewhat neglectful and have an unhappy marriage, presumably featuring adultery. he only refers to his father as an asshole or a douchebag and seems reluctant to follow in his footsteps. it seems like he has a slightly better relationship with his mother, but we also don’t know much about her outside of her following his father on business trips because she doesn’t trust him. regardless of how people personally interpret how bad it is, at the very least, he seems lonely and uncomfortable with his family.

up until the final two episodes of season one, we know that steve is king of the school and uses this power to his advantage. but despite his clout, he doesn’t seem to have any actual friends outside of tommy h and carol (and nicole, i guess, but she appears in like three scenes and we don’t really know much about her.) and tommy and carol aren’t good people. it’s not just that they’re horrendous bullies to jonathan and nancy, but they’re not great to steve either, given how quickly tommy turns on him. how quickly he threatens him, and how scared steve is in that moment. and given that tommy participates in mocking steve with billy a year later, it clearly was never that healthy of a friendship. your only friendships being with toxic people who don’t care about you as a person is always going to be damaging, regardless of how “popular” you are.

(steve’s unpleasant family/friendships pre-nancy seem backed up by a quote from the duffers that i can’t read because it’s behind a paywall but is referenced in the wiki: “what kind of family life [Steve] comes from and maybe this girl Nancy is quiet and listens in a way that other people haven’t listened to him at this point.”)

which brings us to the show. steve finds someone, maybe the first person who’s ever really cared about him, the girl he really likes. and he’s protective of her and wants to be with her and ends up fucking up in the process (i maintain that steve had every reason to go after jonathan for the photos, but he was absolutely in the wrong for the slutshaming and the alleyway fight.) 

but the fight shifts something in him, makes him want to right his wrongs, so he finally dumps his toxic friends (one of whom physically threatens him in the process) and goes to apologise. and walks right into a monster trap.

steve gets no context as to what’s happening when the demogorgon shows up, doesn’t get any explanation from jonathan and nancy (not that they’re at fault for that, given the circumstances,) and is basically just confronted with the sudden knowledge that monsters are real. and he ends up saving nancy and jonathan from it.

in an ideal world, the trio would have helped each over with their trauma together and would’ve been friends and would’ve had more natural progressions of their relationships. i don’t like reducing nancy and jonathan’s traumas to Just the monster thing, but it’s how the show tends to handle it, and i really feel like steve’s own trauma with what happened that night should have been addressed even slightly, particularly in relation to the two of them.

(quick sidenote: my issue with the way the show handles jonathan/nancy and their “shared trauma” is a whole other thing, but i really don’t understand how the show can basically reduce it to the fact they fought a monster together, and then leave steve out of the equation entirely. i wouldn’t have an issue if the show actually looked into the trauma both jonathan and nancy have outside of the monster stuff, but since it refuses to develop that, it…bothers me that steve’s role in what happened and resulting trauma is shoved aside, and they both now just ignore his existence entirely.)

but the show didn’t do that, so let’s get into season two, and steve harrington’s very rough week:

gets dumped! it should be noted that i don’t blame nancy for the breakup, nor do i think she was a bad person who set out to harm him. she’s a confused seventeen year old girl dealing with the loss of her best friend, and i don’t think she deliberately led steve on for a year or knowingly lied to him about her feelings. but it’s still going to be hurtful when your significant other reveals that they didn’t love you, they only thought they did. and steve loved nancy, cared about her, took comfort in her - she was the first person to listen to him, to care about him, to like him for who he really was, not for the mask he put on. i wish they’d gotten a proper conversation about their relationship in either season two or three, particularly as the destruction of the high school fairytale (the relationship between the coolest guy in school and the girl next door) is an important element to both their characters. i know steve says that he’s over her in season three, but i still know that that’s an incredibly heartbreaking thing to go through, even if it wasn’t a relationship based on an illusion - the kids that they were before.

gets involved with more monster hunting stuff, this time with a bunch of bratty middle schoolers! overall, i think stranger things handles the collective trauma the entire gang have like…terribly. i find it weird that it’s been three seasons and the only time the party/the teens/jopper are ALL together is in the final two episodes when it’s Boss Battle time. and i know i shouldn’t expect much from a show which barely lets separate people handle their trauma, but i feel like…maybe they should all like, sit and talk and comfort each other? keep an eye on each other? i don’t know. i think the trauma steve has is trauma he would share with all the others, especially since season two properly involves him with all the monster stuff (plus fighting them is hard enough without also having to deal with his past experiences, a big head injury, and the lives of a bunch of thirteen year olds in his hands.)

gets beat up! again! this time it’s not deserved! i really don’t understand why the fandom acts like steve’s repeated injuries each season are a joke and not like…a genuine cause for medical concern within the universe. i get that it’s basically played for laughs in the show and this incident in particular is used to once again highlight how violent billy is. i don’t have much to elaborate on here but i feel like someone needs to check in on steve and all the head related trauma he’s suffered through in the past eighteen months.

and after all of that, steve is just…left on his own to deal with it. he gave up his friends for nancy, and they weren’t particularly good friends in the first place. nancy left him. he and jonathan don’t ever talk. all he has are the kids and it’s not as if he can really talk about his trauma with a bunch of fourteen year olds. out of all the main cast, he’s the one that has the least support when it comes to this. nancy and jonathan have each other. joyce and hopper have each other. the party has each other. the byers family has each other. el and hopper have each other. but steve doesn’t have the same support system, and there’s nothing to suggest in canon that he actually interacts with the other teens/adults.

steve’s left alone in general, really. he maintained somewhat of his social status following the events of st1/st2, since he mentions being prom king to robin, but does he really…have any friends his age? he lost tommy and carol when he chose nancy, and those two latched onto billy (who, again, is someone who hurt steve and who steve does not like.) he and nancy broke up, and considering he shared about ten words with her and jonathan in st3, it’s safe to assume he’s not really friendly with them. and we don’t ever see any acknowledgment that steve has friends his age, even if it’s just…normal people who don’t know about the monster stuff.

it’s not until he meets robin that he really finds someone he can talk about any of this with, and even then it just comes with more trauma. i feel like steve’s experiences tend to get played for laughs and i really got that vibe in season 3. steve was tortured and drugged. he took another beating, arguably his roughest one yet. he and robin both thought they were going to die down there. it’s not really handled at all within the show, but it’s a lot for someone to go through, especially when combined with the past year and a half of steve’s life.

anyway. i don’t think the show will ever actually address steve’s trauma (or anyone’s, really) which is sad because like the others, he’s been through a lot and i think some acknowledgement/discussion of it would further help his character development. but i guess that just isn’t as funny as writing him off as an idiot and a loser.

[blindspot-repata]

High School Blindspot

Chapter 1 - Meeting friends

"Natasha, I didn't see you arrive yesterday, what time was it?" Her grandma heard when Natasha opened the door last night, but she wanted to know about the girl. She was worried, for a few days her granddaughter showed strange, quieter and sadder behavior.

"Don't worry, Grandma, it wasn't too late." Natasha tried to reassure her grandmother.

"Honey, I would never get into your dates, but you know I don't think Ricky is the right guy for you. You should date someone like Edgar, who is a golden boy.”

“Oh, grandma! You know he's just my friend.” The girl hurried to jam on a toast and hurried off. “And there's more, he's dating with a girl.”

"But that can change, my daughter! I'm sure if you give a signal it will be in your hand.”

“Bye!” - She blew Grandma a kiss and hurried out the door.

Edgar was waiting for her on the sidewalk. It had been that way forever, she and Edgar, inseparable. He was her great support when she and her brothers came to live with their grandparents, the circumstances were not good, they were taken from their parents for bad care and abuse, exposure to alcohol, drugs and violence. Edgar was there, met her in the neighborhood, helped her get in school, hugged her every time she needed to cry, and didn't want to worry her grandparents.

Natasha has also always been the support for Edgar. When he first saw the girl she was scared and not very friendly, but he was always solicitous coming softly and won her friendship. When he lost his father in a car accident four years ago she was by his side at the funeral at the seventh day mass, she helped him overcome the loss and showed him that over time the pain subsided. It was her first fuck with her, at age 15, they took a bottle of whiskey to the basement of Tasha's grandparents and got very drunk, the next day the hangover was so much that both swore never to drink alcohol again. For a while Edgar felt a platonic love for the latina, even rehearsed a way of declaring himself to her, but never had the courage. Over time he gave up and dated other girls and she, other boys. Today they were just best friends and confidants.

The two faced together all the adversities that appeared, after all was 1999, the end of the millennium and it was still not easy to be young in New York, much less for a black boy and a girl of Latin origin. Prejudice was everywhere, but they always defended and supported each other.

“Late again? Let's go or not take the first class. If Inspector Weitz sees us arriving late again this week, we're screwed.”

"I couldn't wake up very early today, I was too tired."

“What's this around your neck?” Edgar saw on the girl's neck a bluish mark that wasn't there yesterday.

“It’s nothing.” She didn't want to tell him what Ricky had done this time, better not get him into her problems. Natasha pulled the zipper on her sweatshirt higher so that the mark didn't appear.

"Natasha, you can say anything you want to me, you know." - The boy always made a point of showing her that he was there for anything.

“I know. Thanks. I just don't want to talk about it, not now.” She didn't want to worry him, because he already had his own problems, but she didn't know how long she could hide from him everything that was going on.

“I think I can already buy my car.” Edgar worked in a machine shop after class and had been raising money to buy a car. “I talked to Mr Nigel yesterday and he said he gives me an advance of what is missing so I can get my car.” The boy showed excitement in his face.

"Hmm. I won't even have the honor of walking with you anymore. It's gonna be a mess, all the girls wanting to hitchhike in your car.” Natasha always played with him about girls. When he became head of the school soccer team she kept mocking him, which would catch all the cheerleaders. But it was just a joke, she cheered and vibrated with him with each achievement. "By the way, how's Sarah doing?"

“I don't even know.” Edgar shrugged. "I don't think she wants anything more from me, she keeps avoiding me. You know, I won't insist on someone who doesn't really want me. And you, all right?”

“Yes,I'm ok” The girl shrugged.

Ever since Rick had met some weird guys at his new job Natasha began to feel a little afraid of his behavior, because whatever she did or said, he got violent and nervous. The girl had tried to break up more than once, but he was violent and she couldn't. After last night she swore to herself that he would never come near him again.

_____________________________________________

Remi couldn't help but stare at him, those blue eyes enchanting her from the first time she walked through that door. But she thought it was silly, because he was a very popular boy and she always saw him with the sophomore blonde, that cheerleader. She knew a guy like him would never notice her. Helen had never encouraged her to date, on the contrary, she said they needed to win the world and not get involved in a relationship that only shows how weak you are. She had not always listened to this, but she avoided lasting involvement, for she was not even worthy of a love relationship.

“Hi, how are you?” The clumsy geek sat beside her with a stack of books but hands and Remi watched. “Oh many books, right? I'm working on research and I need all of these, believe me. You could be part of my team, I've seen that you like chemistry.”

“Oh, I don't know. Can be. If I won't disturb you.”

"Of course not, Stuart is in the project, but he's a little clumsy and sometimes spoils the experiments. I prefer to work with girls because they are more organized, but he's a good guy, I put him on the line.”

“I know what they look like, I have a brother who is only big but still looks childish in some ways.”

“Your brother is that blondie, wow! Hum, I've seen him with you.”

“Yes, that's him.” RemiRemi laughed, because she had already seen how Patty looked at him, seemed to devour him with eyes. The brother really liked was a trouble. Helen had put them to practice martial arts from an early age, and Roman thought he should punch anyone who crossed his path. Since moving to this school two weeks ago, he has been on the board twice.

“What are you looking at? Kurt?” Patty followed the direction of Remi's gaze and saw her staring at him. “He's a good guy and will still find the right girl.”

“I'm not looking at him.” Remi felt his face turn red when she saw the boy look in her direction and linger looking at her. The girl looked down and didn’t look in his direction anymore.

Kurt had noticed the fledgling girl from day one, but saw it as an impenetrable iceberg. She was beautiful and mysterious and was always accompanied by her twin. Since she arrived he hadn't had a chance to exchange a word with her, he needed to work it out. He'd seen her talking to Patty, maybe if he talked to her, but the nerd was always in the lab and into her crazy experiments.

“Hey, Ed! Do you have footeball training today?” Kurt addressed the dark-haired young man who was storing things in his bag.

“No. I'm thinking of looking for Natasha to leave soon.”

"I'm coming with you, I need to talk to Patty, maybe they're together."

_____________________________________________

“Hey, I finally found you!” Natasha went into the lab and saw that Patty had bequers and tubes bubbling, some appliances with bright lights flashing, and there were also open books on the bench.

“We are working on a new project and we can't stop now, because we are in the middle of the reaction. Stuart, what did you do here? I told you it wasn't time to add the acid yet!” Patty always stressed about the boy's clumsy way.

“Hi. How are you getting to work with them?” Natasha addressed the shoulder-length brunette girl. "Your name is Remi, isn't it? I'm Natasha. “The latina appeared after the brunette confirmed.”

"Sometimes I think she's trying to refute Lavoisier's Law." They both burst out laughing.

“Patty! What did you do this time?” Rich had just entered the lab and looked pretty stressed.

“What are you talking about?” The geek frowned.

"Those experiments of yours are pulling all the energy from the building and shutting down the computers in the computer lab! I’ll start by turning off these gadgets with these lights here that must be the bad guys.”

“Don't touch my multimeters!” Patty slapped Rich's hand backward. “I'll fix this, I can not go off so it will disturb everything.”

Patty did what the boy asked by releasing the energy he was consuming from his experience.

“It's time to go. Give me five minutes that will be all right for your computers.”

“Hey babe! Have you ever met the computer lab?” Rich addressed Remi, who remained silent. “ I can introduce you and show you new programs and windows that were recently installed.”

“Rich! You have no way! Let Boston hear that!” Natasha scolded him, because she knew Rich loved to sneak and also knew how jealous Boston was.

“Boston may also like to participate in the presentation of the new programs, you are also invited, bravely.” Rich headed for the latina. "We close the lab door ..." The boy leaned toward the girls and put his hand over Remi's.

“No, Rich! I already met your fame and won't stick with me!” Remi took his hand from hers and walked away.

Rich watched as the rookie girl Remi seemed to be her name, glanced at the lab door and looked at the newly arrived figure.

"Hey Stuble, hi Eddie, you've been missing computer classes!" Rich thought the blue-eyed boy was handsome and sexy, but he knew how much he loved girls.

“Hi Rich!” Kurt greeted the boy with a little disdain. “Patty, what are you up to this time?” then she noticed the short-haired brunette girl standing in front of the bench next to Natasha.

"Hi." Remi greeted him with a shy smile that shook his structures. How perfect the girl was!

“Hello! Can you understand Patty's nuts?”

“Hey, Kurt! They are not crazy! You are all a bunch of misinformed, if you want to start drawing the formulas on the board and you will understand everything that is happening here!” The blonde girl always made a point of trying to explain to friends what she was working on.

“It’s boy necessary!” The answer was in unison.

“I will enjoy that you are all here and I will make an invitation!” Patty was addressing them all at once. “Freddy, my brother, is having a party at my house on Saturday. My parents traveled and released the house, since they don't break anything, you are invited! Your brother too! Patty addressed Remi referring to the handsome blond boy. And, Rich, take Boston! You two can take your girlfriends. Natasha ...

"I won't take ..." She was referring to Ricky. The latina didn't intend to leave the boy to this party. She just wanted to have fun with her friends.

Remi noticed Kurt's disquiet when Patty talked about his girlfriend, but the boy didn't answer Patty at all.

“ You go?” Kurt was addressing her.

“ I don’t know?” “She was still wondering how fun it could be to get fit, make friends. “I’ll see if I can.”

"Make an effort, her brother's parties are fun." The boy smiled and she lingered admiring the crooked smile that formed on his face.

The class dispersed and Remi went to meet his brother who was waiting for her in the courtyard. She risked a look back and saw Kurt talking and laughing with his friends.

_____________________________________________

[locoluis]

Pam's visit to the doctor

DISCLAIMER: This is a fictional story. I have no medical knowledge, so the following is all artistic licence and stuff taken from the web. Please consult a proper medical professional if you experience any of the symptoms described below. Oh, and sorry for the sloppy writing.

It has been from bad to worse during the last weeks. I don't like summer, I get way too sweaty and dehydrated. I get sunburned easily. I am self conscious about my body and will need to wear less than the normal amount of clothing I usually enjoy wearing, which attracts the stares of people who look like they haven't seen a girl with more than a B cup in their entire lives.

Like they never get out of this town.

I like going to the city, even though the climate is warmer there than up here in the hills, because nobody bats an eye about my appearance there, or at least not that much. The city centre is a couple hours away by bus. Only a few, elderly people are joining me in this trip I absolutely need to carry out.

The local paediatricians are as useless as the painkillers they prescribe. One of them said: “ At this point, you should consider going to an adult's doctor. ” Madam, I'm only twelve, and you're supposed to be able to take care of people through their late teens. Don't come at me with such rubbish.

Then my PE teacher recommended me this children's hospital in the city, and I got an appointment. I got so stressed during the bus trip that the box of chocolates that I brought with me didn't last long enough. I hope this isn't as bad as it feels.

Even though this is the second time I've seen this particular lady, I immediately recognised her. Shorter than me, dangerously skinny, with a childish face despite being in her mid-thirties, and a brunette ponytail of ridiculous length.

— Pamela Evans. I remember you.

— Dr. Eliana Martínez. You were the lady who awarded me the gold medal at the swimming competition a few months ago.

— Indeed. That was… a random, unusual philanthropic gesture from me. I must confess that your victory caught me by surprise, as you looked like you didn't even want to participate.

— Well, Mum taught me to swim at an early age, and she really wanted me to participate. But I hate PE with a passion, and it was really embarrassing for me to be in a swimsuit with all those people around. You can guess why.

— Yeah, I can relate, having been pregnant once. Never again.

I couldn't quite hide my amazement. How does such a twiggy lady manage to have a child growing inside such a tiny belly?

— Indeed, I have a daughter. Her name is Violeta, and she will soon be bigger than me. I carried my baby through full term, with no complications, shattering all expectations. I guess I'm a woman after all, ha ha ha. But enough about me; please tell me what brings you here.

I took a long breath.

— Doctor, during the last few weeks it's been difficult for me to concentrate in class, to get asleep, to get enough rest. I sweat way too much. I feel a lot of anxiety, even to the point of paranoia. Sometimes I feel my heart beating too hard and too fast. Sometimes I feel a burning sensation in my chest. And I've been putting on quite some weight, though I'm not sure how much of that is just going through puberty.

— Well, body changes are normal through puberty, and girls grow and develop at different rates.

— I'm aware of that. All my classmates still look like children. I'm the only one with the shape of a grown-up woman at twelve.

— About that. When I was twelve, it was the exact opposite. The other girls were all grown up, while I still look like a ten years old.

— Well, you sure are tiny, even compared to my classmates.

— Yeah, yeah. Now that I think about it, you look a lot like one of mine. Blue eyes, a different hairstyle and nose shape, a slimmer waist, but otherwise she was a dead ringer for you.

— Even her breast size?

— Indeed. She was curvy and gorgeous, and all the boys were crazy for her, but she only had eyes for one boy… who just wasn't ready for a relationship. And it made me cringe that she didn't seem to feel pretty enough, that she wore more make-up than was necessary, plus her dangerously short, tight-fit school pinafore dress… she looked ridiculous.

— Oh, I have some classmates who are like that. Not me, though; I already get way too much attention without doing anything with my looks.

— Well, you seem more like the forbidden snack type, which ironically is more attractive for some men than the overly sexy type.

— … Ach-y-fi.

— … Excuse me? I'm not a native English speaker, and that's a word I haven't heard before.

— Oh, that's a local expression of disgust. Like, it seems like I can't avoid the male gaze.

— That's their problem, Miss Evans, not yours. Don't make it your problem. I've got nothing here, yet men still stare.

— Well, your body type is even more unusual…

— I know. But you have to excuse me, this is getting way off-topic. I don't usually talk to my patients about my own childhood, and I'm talking to you like we knew each other from long ago.

— Well, I don't mind. Yours seems to have been an interesting childhood.

— Indeed, but that's not why you're here. So let me get through this. Most of the issues that you describe are not necessarily associated with puberty, and no sign of pain or discomfort is worth getting glossed over. First of all, please stand on the scale to get your height and weight measured.

I do. To no surprise, I'm overweight. She also checked my heart rate and blood pressure.

— Now, tell me. Tea, coffee, carbonated drinks. How much do you drink each day?

— Not much, actually. I drink a couple cups of tea each day. Unlike the rest of my family, who just can't get enough of it. And they drink green tea, which tastes horrible to me.

— Hmm. What about chocolate?

She stopped talking when she noticed the sheer expression of horror in my face.

— What? Did I hit a nerve, Miss Evans? Please tell me how much do you eat everyday. Answer truthfully.

I started crying uncontrollably. She patiently bears with me through this.

— … Doctor. I have a lot of admirers. Every day I get several boxes of chocolate in the mail. And I can't control myself.

— Well, chocolates have a high calorie count due to their sugar and fat content. And the symptoms you've been experiences are consistent with an excessive chocolate intake.

— And now you're telling me that I have to eat less chocolates. As if my life wasn't horrible enough.

— Well, at least you don't have acne… yet.

— ACNE!? Oh my God! I need to stop eating chocolates right now!

— Well, acne is more of an issue with eating lots of carbohydrates and dairy products, and there's no consensus about the link between acne and chocolate consumption. But I still advise you to reduce the amount of chocolate you eat everyday.

— I understand.

— To prevent acne, you should eat more fruits, vegetables and fish. Drinking green tea is also good against acne, and it has many more health benefits. It contains caffeine, so it too must be consumed in moderation.

— Green tea. As I said, I don't like it.

— Add lemon juice and stevia to it. There are many types of green tea, you just have to find which one is better tasting for you. And brewing it correctly is quite important in order to get it just right, not too bitter or watery.

— Well, thank you.

— I'll prescribe you some medication in order to treat the symptoms you've mentioned. But you should follow my instructions in order to attack their root cause. Stop eating so many chocolates, and come back in a month or so, in order to check your progress. I most likely won't be around, as I travel a lot and I'm currently on a temporary contract, but Dr. Spencer is an experienced paediatrician who will be able to take your case.

— I'll do. Oh, and I have a last question. Do you think I should get a breast reduction? And how do I get it on the NHS?

— Well, first of all, I don't think it's advisable to get one while you're still developing, except in extreme cases of breast hypertrophy. Second, you should get down to a stable weight, and get an assessment with a psychiatrist or psychologist. Third, as there are many women seeking to get breast reduction surgery on the NHS, the waiting list can be up to several years, and a lot of women are being turned down as not meeting their criteria. Also, private treatment is quite expensive. And… would you like me to measure you?

— Yeah, sure.

Her procedure for measuring my breast size is a bit more complicated than what I knew. She then puts the measurements on a spreadsheet, which gets her a bunch of numbers.

— Wearing a good-fitting bra can alleviate many of the issues associated with large breasts. Also, I'm recommending you some exercises that can strengthen your core muscles, and some tips to improve your posture. But I wouldn't advise a breast reduction surgery on someone like you, as its risks and consequences certainly outweigh the possible benefits. They're not that big, actually; you just have a delicate body frame. Your ideal weight is lower than that of other girls of your age and height.

— I understand.

I need to make a lot of sacrifices in order to stop feeling like this. Mum is going to stare me down and tell me: “ I told you, Pam ”. And then I'm asking her what we should do with so all those chocolates.

[gmanphotog]

America's Sweetheart Escaped Cop Killer Voluntarily Returns to Prison after finding Criminals on Outside Too Scary

(Text From Philadelphia Inquirer Magazine article April 1, 1934)

Into a Chicago police station, early one recent morning, half-ran a girl. A remarkably attractive-looking young girl, too. Not more than twenty-three, about five feet six inches tall, brown-eyed, with dark hair. And a haunted look. She hadn't slept. Her eyes were wild. And her first words were even wilder: "I want to go back to Devil's Island!" 

Now Devil's Island is the French penal colony off the Guiana coast, and this girl was clearly American—Southern, by her accent. The station cops were puz-zled. She was so pretty that they rubbed their eyes for a second look. Then, prob-ably deciding that the girl was crazy and would have to be returned to her keepers, they began to question her. 

They did send her back to her keepers —prison keepers. She was Irene McCann, escaped con-vict from the Missouri Penitentiary at Jefferson City, thirteen months missing from the cell where she was serving ten years for the crime of manslaughter. And Irene's experience, as she unfolded it to the cops, afforded a strik-ing glimpse into the constant haunting terror that is the day-and-night life of an escaped prisoner: terror of the law on one hand, even greater terror of the criminal underworld on the other! 

It wasn't fear of the police that had made Irene McCann give herself up and ask to be sent back to her Missouri's "Devil's Island." It wasn't even fear of the newspapers —which had published her picture far and wide. Not that she hadn't had un-comfortable hours from watch dogs of the law, the police and the press. But what had finally made her seek refuge in prison, where she belonged, was fear of the slinking, skulking, threatening figures of gangsters and crooks whom she described shudderingly, as "some people I knew and who knew me." 

"Who were the people that knew you?" Irene was asked. "I—I'd rather not say," was her jittery reply. "How did they find you?" 

"It was when I got to Chicago and to my old job—working as a waitress. Something I had feared happened. Some people that knew me found me. I won't say who they were."

"I won't say what they did. But they wanted me to do certain things that I did not want to do—that I was afraid to do. I won't say what. I knew that it would lead from bad to worse. They knew I was an escaped prisoner. They had me."

"I told them I didn't want to do it and tried to get out of it. Then they told me it was either that, or else!" 

Or else! The underworld's grim, phrase, slogan of its rule of terror. Irene couldn't stand that "or else." 

"So I decided to make it 'or else' my-self," she concluded, with a strange gleam in her dark eyes. "I gave myself up. I know a lot of people will think me insane to go back voluntarily to prison." 

Irene went to prison, as a girl of nineteen, after she and her husband, Albert McCann, had tried to help a friend escape from jail in Carthage, Mo. A jailer, E. O. Bray, resisted and was killed. 

The clue was a heel from a woman's shoe, and Irene's limping gait, noticed by an officer, caused her arrest in an Oklahoma town a few days later. Albert was sentenced to hang, but later this was commuted to fifty years. 

Irene—daughter of a Federal revenue officer and a Cherokee Indian mother—had two babies by a'girlhood marriage in Alabama, and she insists it was to see them and help her mother support them that she took French leave of her cell. 

She and Edna Murray, Kansas City girl-bandit, sawed their bars and escaped together, choking the alarm system with a blanket. Edna's still at large—either dead from tuberculosis, or in some sanitarium, says the grapevine report. Irene says she worked her woy to Birmingham, found her little girl ill, and got a job in a hulu chorus with a circus at $2o a week. Then she got a job in a road carnival, running the baseball-throwing game. 

"I could dress up in loud clothes and paint my face so it would be hard to identify me," she explained. "Every time a cop looked at me I trembled." She quit when the show jumped to Missouri and became a waitress in Chicago, sending money home. And now the ter-ror she had always felt closed in upon her.

"Several times my pictures were printed in newspapers, and I got sick with fear," she said. "One day I had to take a cab to get to work on time; it got into a crash and I went to hospital with three broken ribs. While I was there I looked at a Sunday paper.—there was my picture, with a story on Devil's Island and escaped convicts, staring me in the face. "

"I shook all over. 'I was sure the nurses would recognize me- But they didn't. My fake* name was Jean Norris. The cab company paid my hospital bills and gave me $300 and I went back to spend Christmas with my children. My money ran out and I returned to Chieagos and my old job." 

Just when or how the underworld of crime closed in on her, Irene refused to say. It was obvious that terror sealed her lips. But those who know Chicago —or any other city—may piece in the details for themselves; the many uses to which a pretty girl may be put in hold-ups, badger games, kidnappings and other criminal schemes, even including gang-spying and gang murders. 

The awful position of the girl herself, a hunted lawbreaker, unable to appeal for protection, forced to do the criminal's bidding under a dreadful threat. When captured she was ill. The wife of the prison warden came to Chicago and accompanied her back to the Missouri Penitentiary. The girl greeted the sight of the grim walls with a sigh of relief. 

They put her into the prison hospital to recover her nerves. Probably she's the most beautiful captive behind the bars of any American prison. "I have the most of ten years to serve," she said. "'I intend to be a good prisoner from now on. I've had my scare. I want to come out in such shape that they'll have nothing on me and go back to my children. I only hope they'll have me as their mother after what's past" 

------------------------------

Irene McCann had every reason to be scared. Edna Murray, who she escaped the Missouri Penitentiary with, had connections to at least three Public Enemy number ones.

Irene McCann and Edna Murray might have bonded over both being accomplished Prison Escape artists. Edna Murray had been sentenced 25 years in 1925, for an armed robbery and kidnapping where she famously threatened to kiss a clergyman she'd taken hostage in a heist. By 1935 she'd served less than 3 years of that sentence, due to 3 daring prison escapes. McCann already had an escape under the belt by the time she teamed with Murray.

They also might have bonded over both having husbands sentence to die. Edna's first husband "Diamond Joe" Sullivan was executed in 1924 for murder. McCann's husband was sentenced to death for the cop killing that Irene was involved in. Ultimately,it was commuted to life, while McCann only received 10 years for manslaughter.

However Edna "Rabbit" Murray's criminal connections were far deeper than McCann could ever conceive. By April 1934 when the above article was written, Murray was involve in some of the biggest intrigues of Public Enemy era.

When John Dillinger and his gang arrived shot up in Aurora, Il from a shootout with the FBI in Rhineland, Wisconsin, who's door did they knock on for shelter. None other than Edna Murray's.

When the Barker-Karpis gang kidnapped wealthy Minnesota Banker Edward Brenner for ransom in January 1934, who were among the principals? Edna Murray, her sister Doris, Edna's boyfriend Volney Davis, and Doris' boyfriend Jess Doyle.

One can only imagine what Irene McCann might have been asked to participate in.

Welcome to the Big Leagues!

[choisgirls]

I've never requested anything before >_

A/N: *bows with a flourish* I AMQUITE HONOURED TO BE YOUR FIRST, MY LOVE~

this is late and i am sorry butspook time is all the time~ I will do my best here~

(also boy oh boy im glad youmentioned rituals because i grew up witchy and alongside the normal halloweenactivities every now and again there’s the Samhain celebrations full ofdifferent rituals and spells and i am hYPE, thats the direction i’ll take sincei have another request im working on regarding the ouji so it may not be /all/ spooky,but i will throw some in there since you did ask for spoop!!! im sorry, i reallyhope thats okay;;;;; ;A; if not, i can always take this and re-write some forthose I didn’t make scary!)

WARNINGS: I did mention blood oncewithin this, but there’s nothing too big, but just in case you don’t enjoy alittle prick to the finger, please don’t keep reading!

/it’s a little long so I’ll place itunder a cut!/

Masterlist~

YOOSUNG:

“Oh cool, MC, you bought somecandles!” he called, grabbing one and getting ready to light it. Youscramble after him to get it back, explaining to him that they aren’t forburning around the house to look pretty. “Yoosung, I’m doing a ritual- theblack candle represents your life, your decisions, and your experiences in thepast year, while the white one represents the present moment and year to come!You light this black one and reflect on things that helped you become who youare today, how you’ve grown, what lessons you’ve learned, then you say goodbyeto it all and blow out the candle. Then, you light the white one and reflect onhow you can be your happiest every day, and blow out the flame holding hope inyour heart!” you went on to describe the simple ritual to him, watching ashe stared at you with eyes as big as dinner plates. To your surprise, heactually wanted to hear a little more about why you do this, and what otherthings there were to do. He wanted to join you in this one as well! He wantedto think of all the happy times he can have with you for this next year!

ZEN:

He came home and the house did notsmell like it normally did and he was concerned. He called out to you, hopingthat the smell was something you were doing and doing it safely. He found you standing on a chair in the center of the room,hoping some sort of… stick? Maybe? “MC! What are you doing? You could’vefallen!” he swooped you off of the chair, placing you on your feet gentlybut then suddenly started to cough over the smoke in his face- you quicklymoved it to the side. “Ah, sorry Hyun! I just wanted to banish all of theold energy from our house,” you tried to explain as you continued tosmudge the area around yourself. The look on his face said it all- he had noidea what you were talking about. You asked him to walk with you as youfinished smudging the rest of the house, explaining it was a cleansing ritual-with the herbs sage, mugwort, bay leaf, and lavender tired together with yard,you could hopefully dispel any old or bad energy, leaving the house fresh andnew! He understood after a while, but would never attempt to do it on hisown… if it made you feel better, he would absolutely let you do it.

JAEHEE:

“..MC… can I ask why you’relying in the middle of the floor?” she asked, closing the door behind her.You could often be found throwing yourself across the furniture and laying onthe ground, she didn’t think too much of it until she saw your hands movingaround, then she realized you were meditating and immediately felt bad- shedidn’t interrupt, did she? She sat a few feet away from your head, waitinguntil you were finished to actually talk to you. When you sat up, you greetedher and told her not to worry, you hadn’t even noticed her come in. She seemedto be trying to peek at what was in your hand, so you opened it to reveal asmall opal laying in your palm. You explained that the stone was used as apower stone to help become a conduit of the unconscious mind. When you breathedeeply and allow any and all images, thoughts, sounds, or sensations pass by,you’ll be able to release them from your mind. You even took a handful ofassorted power stones and explained each one to her- you watched her eyes asyou noticed her make mental notes about it all so she could research it in moredepth later. She really wouldn’t be against joining you for one of thesemeditations, the poor woman needs this

JUMIN:

“MC, I don’t understand why youwould willingly participate in doing this to yourself. All you’re going to dois scare yourself to the point you will lose sleep, or you will injure yourselfwith worry,” he said as you scrolled through multitudes of rituals youlooked up online, trying to find one you wanted to try out. “Jumin,sweetheart, it’s Halloween. The point is to try and scare yourself,” youtold him, stopping on one you wanted, turning to find him crossing his arms,shaking his head, and turning to leave the room- he muttered a soft “It’sa horrible idea” under his breath as he left the room. At midnight thatnight, you wrote your name on this piece of paper, pricking your finger to puta small drop of blood onto the paper- you light the candle and turn the rest ofthe lights off before knocking on the wooden door 22 times, all before 12:01am.You open the door, blow out the candle, then shut the door again before rushingto relight the candle and leaving the room, keeping the candle lit. You were tothink about your wish and keep close watch of the flame until 3:33am- as wellas watching for drops in temperature and faint whispers- this would mean theMidnight Man was close and you had to be very careful. You had spent so muchtime walking around, you began to get bored, but were too afraid to stop. Aftera while, you heard faint whispers behind you, and you immediately started towalk faster, being aware of the flame in front of you. You started to panic- ohno. This is real, isn’t it. Why didn’t you listen to Jumin? Why did you need totry and freak yourself out? Turning a corner, your flame went out and you werefrozen in place, your heart immediately beating in your ears. Suddenly, youhear Jumin whisper, “Well, did you get the scare you were looking for,MC?” You dropped the candle to the floor, immediately swinging your armsin front of you until you make contact with his chest, which he returned with asoft “oof” and a soft chuckle before pulling you close to hold you.

SAEYOUNG:

“Legend says that during thenight, a rift will open between the land of the living and the domain of thespirits,” he said in his best story telling voice- he was dressed in ablack, intimidating robe, trying to scare you the night before Halloween. Hehad a flashlight on under his chin and turned off the power to the whole house-Saeran was pissed. Yet, he stayed for Saeyoung’s story, which he continuedafter his dramatic pause. “Communication can lead to wishes being grantedand good fortune- for the living! The other side demands horrific payment fortheir services, ooooooo~” he wiggled his fingers to emphasize the spooky.You stared at him with an extremely unamused look on your face- you couldn’ttake him serious- even when he asked you to play the game with him. Between 2amand 5am on Halloween, the two of you closed yourselves in a small room, staringat a mirror that you couldn’t even clearly see in the dark.“Okay MC, whenthe rift opens, you should feel the room go cold, that’s when you put your handon the mirror and whisper, ‘I accept’. Then, we’ll see a figure in the mirror-a figure way too frightening to describe. Then you must answer all five oftheir deeply personal questions, you must answer honestly- each one you lieabout, they will take one of your five senses. Each one you get correct, youcan place a death curse on anyone you decide.” You tried to look at himlike he was an idiot but being in the dark made that hard. Suddenly, there wasa soft breeze behind your ear, you raised your elbow a little and jammed itinto his stomach hard enough to get an 'oomph’ from him. You knew he was tryingto just scare you. He chuckled a little, pulling your back closer to his chest,he started to nuzzle against your shoulder until the both of you felt the roomget extremely cold in a flash- the both of you turned stiff for a moment beforeyour adrenaline kicked in and the both of you started to push the other out ofthe way to escape the room. Saeran had to hold back a laugh from his place behind the mirror, where he had a portable air conditioner running silently.

JIHYUN:

Always willing to see differentparts of you and anything you like or believe in! So on Samhain, you wanted tohelp him with his past in any way you know how- Mandalas! You told him howmandalas are powerful because they reflect balance and wholeness- drawing oneup helps to express yourself and encourage emotional balance as well as helpingto heal yourself! He watched you practice a few, and had him join in. Drawingthe patterns in whatever colour he wanted, with no pressure to make it perfectwas calming. He turned to you, to thank you for showing him this activity, whenhe saw your page and immediately froze. He wanted to laugh but he was also kindof concerned. Your mandala was more.. in the shape of a common demon mask, andhe… he wasn’t sure what that meant- or if he should ask you about it… Hestill hung it on the fridge regardless, but it scares people when they walk by andyou act innocent, which he finds hilarious.

SAERAN:

“MC, this is stupid, I’m notdoing this,” he stated with a huff, his arms crossed against his chest andyou tried to drag him outside at around 11:30 pm, October 30th. You found thisritualistic game online and you wanted to see if it would truly work! I mean,if you can deal with him, you could probably deal with some sorta demons thatcome out of this. You search for bare patch of ground, waiting until 11:59pm- aminute before Halloween. He watched as you drew a circle in the dirt largeenough to hold your phone- then you plopped yourself down to the ground. With asigh, he sat next to you and stared at the phone for what seemed like too long.You kept staring, 3 minutes, 5 minutes, 11 minutes, the time kept increasingand the whole time he kept trying to break your gaze from the phone, but youwere dedicated to this thing and he gave up. After 15 minutes, your phone litup from a call from a private number- Saeran went to answer once he realizedyou weren’t going to- you had to shoo him away quickly. “You can’tanswer!!!! You can’t, this is supposed to happen! Now, we wait for a text, andmake sure not to take the phone from the circle. It’s supposed to be anothernumber that we can call, then we tell this man our address, and he’ll tell usthat we’ll get a package at precisely 11:59 on November 1st!” you staredat the phone explaining it all, as Saeran just looked at you with an eyebrowraised- looking up across the yard, he saw his brother hiding around the cornerof the house, raising a finger to his lips to keep him quiet. Now he knew thiswas a prank and nothing that can truly hurt you- good. He would playalong.“What’s in this package, MC?” he asked, curious as to just whatkind of story his brother planted into your head. “You find a smalltransistor radio with batteries! You can put in the batteries but youabsolutely can’t turn on the radio until 12:15am, then go to the AM channel111.1 and listen- it says the guy from tonight will be muttering and will giveus a headache but we can’t stop listening. At 12:25 am on the dot, the messagewill stop and soft music will play- and until then, so long as you keep theradio on you and turned on, you’ll experience good luck!” you kept staringat the phone, speaking quickly, trying to get the story out before that textcame in. Saeran had to hide his growing laughter, “Okay okay, so wait.This dumb ritual will give you good luck? That’s what this is about?”“Yeah, but apparently, when the radio’s batteries die, everythingdrastically changes. Like, you’ll feel someone tracking your every move, see afigure in the shadows, hear a sound you can’t place, up until it makes itselfknown and comes to claim its payment!” your voice turned high pitched nearthe end of your explanation, as you watched your phone light up from theexpected text. He sat through the rest of your ritual, watching you one momentand turning to watch his brother with a voice box and his cell phone across theway. He’d allow this to happen, only this time, because you did bring this uponyourself.

VANDERWOOD:

“And you want to do…. what,now?” he asked, staring at you in disbelief. You told him about this…insane idea you had to play this creepy game to see if it was real. Why you hadthis fascination with trying to do these scary things, he would never know. Infact, he started to think you hung out with Saeyoung too often- he’s rubbingoff on you. You told him about this ritual you found called the “The ThreeKings”, and you were dying to see if it was the real thing- after all, thewarning did say “do not attempt on your own”- so it had to be scary,right? You made him help you set up- three chairs, two mirrors, and a candleset in a specific position according to the chart online. You leave the roomuntouched from midnight to 3:30am, then you take your place at the King’sthrone, candle lit, as you stare straight in front of you into the darkness.Vanderwood stood, leaning against the wall, watching this all go down. Hedidn’t want you to sit alone and have something… actually happen to you-though he knew it never would. It was all fake, just something to scareyourself, and he will be here once again to reassure you that everything wasfine. You told him that until 4:34am, you must stare only straight ahead, andbe aware of if the light on the candle goes out. For almost half an hour, youstared at the spot in front of you- he got tired of it. Kept telling you howeverything was fake, nothing would be happening, and that you were just goingto scare yourself over your own imagination- when your candle flame suddenlyblew out. The girlish scream that followed definitely did not come out of yourown mouth- though you were the one who blew out the candle in the first placeto freak out your “I-Don’t-Believe-In-That-Shit” of a partner, whichyou succeeded in.

[horce-divorce]

I'm just so glad I got back into tumblr. All the nerds are here. I firmly believe that reasons everyone hates it so much, including the people who still use it, has less to do with the overall experience and more with a few bad ones... And like in IRL when we fuck something up once or twice we get real self deprecating about it, ie it went from being like home to being "this hell site" in the span of time it took Dashcon to occur.

(Sarah Z's YT vid goes over this really well, and tbf i take issue to her claim that her channel "isn't a tumblr history channel" bc I think we could learn some valuable stuff from actually discussing What The Fuck Happened Here. IE I will fight everyone making her feel bad for making tumblr history channels a thing because don't fucking lie, you'd watch the hell out of that, ESPECIALLY those of you who came from Reddit to make fun of us and stayed. I know you're fucking there!!)

Anyway, all unrestrained enthusiasm is for tumblr. That's what it was always for. Infodumping in long formats, fandoms we couldn't express love for IRL or risk being slam dunked into the fucking trash by our bullies, every type of media, the way posts become collaborative and take on entirely new contexts and meanings when others add to them... (even if it's just a joke post, the memes we got from these collabs were another fucking level of humor you had to be there for)

All this meant it became the gay autistic social media site and THAT'S why everyone picks on us.

Did tumblr also initiate a lot of utterly unhinged, ridiculous scenarios? YES. Is there and has there always been lots of loud infighting? YES!! Were half the functions broken from day 1? You know it!!!! And none of that is exclusive to tumblr- what's exclusive to tumblr is the specific brand of off the wall, obscure but deeply connected information that all comes together in the most unhinged POSSIBLE way, and the only reason it IS possible is because of tumblr's culture of Being Yourself Unrestrainedly!!!

Would the Supernatural finale have been funny AT ALL TO YOU if you had actually watched it? It doesn't seem like it was. 10years of queerbaiting, in reality, is devastating. But I've never seen Supernatural, I've merely spent the last 10 years filling in plotholes with nothing but context cues from tumblr (which is a lot funnier than the real plot fwiw), and when Destiel Day happened I was blessed enough to be here *chef's kiss.* But for real, Destiel wouldnt have been funny AT ALL if you hadnt been subjected day in and day out to useless Supernatural posts you didn't ask for in the first place. It was funny because we went along on that ride for the sake of our tumblr friends who dragged us, and we never could have known how we'd be rewarded for our reluctant participation.

Not that I/we generally are MAD about seeing that stuff. We joke about it and "fuck you for making me look at this," but at the end of the day, we reblogged that "fuck you." We understand that the content that comes up on our dash is not picked for us solely by an algorithm, but by the real people we chose to follow, who have their own very complex internal lives and who chose that content for themselves.

for most of us, our main blogs have become this very interesting collage of Ourselves Through Time. So our friends and mutuals posts are OF COURSE going to be bizarre and at times, unrelated to anything we thought we were looking at. THAT IS WHY TUMBLR DRAMA IS SO GOOD. because with other sites drama you only get some of the picture, but us??? We are fucking autistic and WE KNOW EVERY SINGLE DETAIL THAT LED TO THAT EVENT AND WE WILL FUCKING TELL YOU. Could the Onceler and Oncest fandom have happened anywhere else, anywhere on Earth at any other time in human history???? NO. no it could not.

Anyway. My point is not that tumblr is perfect or anything remotely to that effect, I've met and lived with my fair share of awful queer autistic people from tumblr. What I AM saying is That's Just Social Media. You can't fucking be yourself on Twitter or Reddit or Facebook, you have to have side accounts and fake names and I'm not even talking about hiding your fetishes or whatever, I'm talking about saying "I'm depressed!" I'm talking about how lgbtqia2s infighting has gotten SO VICIOUS on twitter you can't even fucking call yourself queer or a dyke or be a lesbian with he/him pronouns in your bio without some kids screaming at you to delete yourself from queer history or They Won't Sit With You. That absolutely also has always happened on tumblr, it just isn't even remotely exclusive to tumblr culture, not like how people will ACT as if it is.

the real reasons tumblr users always get flack for being here is BECAUSE we are unapologetically ourselves. because we get excited. because we infodump (tumblr brand Callout Posts are often infodumps which is what makes them notable), we unapologetically want every single detail that can't even begin to be included in places like Twitter and Facebook, where posts are character limited and ephemeral and impossible to find later, where 1,000 people are all chiming in at once to say "I heard such-and-such from someone else's oomf" and it's like ??? y'all lmfao none of that is better or superior to tumblr in any way whatsoever. You know the old adage "don't read the comments"? Twitter took that and said "here, have ONLY THE COMMENTS." And yet, there we are.

I'm sure a lot of people have already pointed this out better than I just did in the time that I was absent (or fuck, even in the early days, I feel like we all just... know this?), but coming back to tumblr after a year+ of Just Twitter And Reddit- and now the stuff Sarah Z gets into as well- makes this so painfully obvious. And I think it's really sad that we just immediately accepted all the criticism and mockery and were like, "yep, tumblr is uniquely bad and awful," when in reality, it's no worse than the others. In fact, tumblr has been uniquely good and informative, especially among folks who quite literally were able to become who they are only because of the affirmations of this community.

I have learned so much about myself as a trans person, about what resources are available to me, about how to defend myself, how to stand up for myself, how to TALK about myself; if it wasnt for tumblr, transmeds would have kept me in the closet, maybe indefinitely. I've learned so much more about my disabilities and other conditions from disabled people on tumblr than I have EVER learned from a doctor. And maybe more importantly, I've made more friends on here than anywhere else online except Neopets. And we laugh. We laugh SO MUCH. For every big, serious, informative post, there's 10x as many shitposts than any other website and its glorious. No other website gives me The Serotonin like my blog does, I mean, thank god at least the tag system works?? I have 10 years of laugh tag to go through now. Incredible. Twitter and FB could never.

Anyway, when you look at the stuff that made tumblr So Loud and Obnoxious, the stuff that made Tumblr into Tumblr, the stuff that was actually drawing ire from altright trolls... at the end of the day, it was because a bunch of women and queer autistics were so happy we just finally found our table, and that we could be mentally ill or whatever in good fucking company. And just like in real life, bullies taking a stab at us for that made us get defensive, and we started talking "hellsite" this and that so we could be the first to insult us, so that when everyone else did, it wouldn't hurt so bad.

tldr fuck you tumblr is fine I'm very happy to be here

[littlebitofbass]

Hi Jen! I'm a new ed fan and lately some people in my country's fandom started being really mean towards new fans. There's a M&G contest and I don't want to participate because old sheerios say that since I'm a new fan I don't deserve it. I'd really love to meet Ed, I've discovered him late, but also at the perfect time, right after I've experience one of the most difficult things in my 25 years. I feel like I'm so late to the party, and that I'm really bad fan :(

New fan pt.2 Circumstances in my life cause me to shut down from things I enjoyed when I was young, by the end of 2016 I was really depressed and then he come back. Thanks to my 15-year-old niece I started listening to him more, first ÷ and then obviously fell in love with + and x (speacially +) I just didn’t know there was so much more than TOL. Now I’m trying to listen and learn everthing I can. Your blog has been very helpful, thanks for spreading your Ed wisdom to newbies like me

Hello! I’m so sorry that other fans have made your experience here rough. I honestly think there is no bad time to discover Ed’s music. It only makes sense that we all come across different things at different times. You can’t help when you find something, and there’s no way to speed up or slow down the process, especially if you don’t know what it is you’re looking for until after you find it. You know? And just because someone randomly discovers a thing before or after you do, that doesn’t have anything at all to do with whether or not they’re a “good” fan or “deserve” anything more than any other fan. Let me show you one of my favorite things Ed himself has ever said about becoming a fan: 

He actually tweeted that a little before I discovered him myself, but it used to get shared around all the time. Back when this fandom was a bit smaller and more welcoming, I guess. But the point is that we’re not and never have been some sort of exclusive club with rankings based on how long we’ve been around, and anyone who treats this fandom like it’s a thing that’s not allowed to grow and change or thinks new fans shouldn’t be allowed the same opportunities as older fans is trying to make this whole thing into something other than what it is. The truth is there’s no hierarchy here. No one is even running this place like an organized group. We’re literally just a big crowd of people who all like the same music, and everyone here holds exactly the same level of importance as everyone else. Trying to assign more significance to some of the people in the crowd than others is pointless and silly. I suppose the fans you’re talking about just want to feel like they are special… but I think there are only two ways to look at it: either no one here is special, or everyone is. I prefer the second one. :) 

If it makes you feel any better, though. You’re not alone in your experience. There are actually quite a lot of people from a lot of different countries who feel the same way as you – that because they’re new, that makes them bad fans. Nothing could be further from the truth! There’s also a lot of pressure to learn everything you can learn about Ed and his older music as quickly as possible so people won’t think you’re… fake, I guess? But something to keep in mind - both for older and newer fans - is that no one can instantly know everything there is to know about something as soon as they find it. You know? And “testing” people on their knowledge of older stuff just so you can judge them is mean and uncalled for. 

I remember I went to a concert once in 2013, and it was a One Direction concert but I was wearing an Ed Sheeran t-shirt, and since I went to the concert alone I tried to talk to the girls who were sitting behind me. One of them noticed my shirt and immediately started testing me to see if I was a “real” Ed fan, like asking me my favorite song off Loose Change, clearly expecting me not to have ever listened to anything but +. She was impressed with my answer, but gosh it made me angry that she thought it mattered, like I wasn’t worthy of wearing Ed on my shirt if I only knew The A Team and Lego House. Which is so not the case. If you like Ed’s music – any of it! – then you should feel proud to wear his merch, not wary that some stuck-up person is going to give you an exam. Coincidentally, that was the same day that Ed had followed me on twitter, and I didn’t have a smart phone at the time and hadn’t talked to anyone about it – I was still a little bit shocked over it, really – so I told the girl just so I’d have someone to fangirl with, and right away she pulled out her phone to check and see if I was lying. :/ 

I think we probably all have experiences like this within our fandom. I like to say that we’re a big group of great people, and I do think that there are tons of great people around here, but there are also people like this girl, and like the fans that have given you a hard time. It doesn’t stop once you’re not new anymore, either. I’ve been around for a while and I get hassled online all the time. Every day, actually. I mostly don’t post the shitty messages I get, but I can’t remember the last time I checked my inbox and didn’t have at least one message either insulting me or insulting Ed or someone close to him. Some of them are super easy to ignore, like the ones that just say “fat” and “stupid” but there are also those passive-aggressive messages from people who hate you specifically but whose friends probably wouldn’t consider them a troll, questions intentionally designed to make you feel bad by playing on insecurities, the kind that are like, “Don’t you think that Ed probably finds you annoying?” or “Your last post made me cringe. Aren’t you embarrassed that Ed might see it?” or even, “Why do you think your opinion on his music even matters to anyone? Just curious.” Of course, those answers are 1. No 2. Nope and 3. Literally someone asked me my opinion, but I tend to immediately delete the question and/or block the user and pretend they never existed because I refuse to let some anonymous asshole take up space on my blog with their horse shit. Sometimes I also turn off anon asks for a while when that happens (which is what I’ve done now).

I guess what I’m saying is… some people are mean. Some people think it’s acceptable to treat others poorly. And just because we like the same music doesn’t mean we’re going to get along all the time. But you can’t let that sort of thing stop you from being you, doing what you like to do, and enjoying the good experiences that also come from being in Ed’s fandom – like winning a meet and greet if you can. I promise you will be able to find other fans in your country who aren’t rude. Maybe they will end up being your best friends! Just please don’t let the haters affect your sense of self worth. You’re better than that. 

:)