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iguana-eyanna · 3 years ago

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Inside of Your Light

Pairing: Jeff Wittek x Plus Size Model! Reader

Summary: The vlog squad threw you a special surprise for your birthday, including a big present that may change your life.

a/n: songfic What Have I Done by Dermont Kennedy

You woke up around 7 o'clock in the morning when your phone rang. You groggily grab it and see that your boyfriend, Jeff, started to facetime you. "Hello?" you whispered as your eyes tried to pry open.

"Happy Birthday, baby girl." Jeff said brightly, making you blush.

"Aww, thank you, Jeff. But why did you call me so early in the morning?" You joked as you started to sit up on your mattress. "Sorry, I'm at the gym at the hotel and I thought you'd be awake right now." Jeff replied sheepishly. Jeff got offered a brand deal in New York so he wasn't able to celebrate your special day in LA.

"It's ok, I was meaning to get dolled up a bit before Carley and Erin pick me up to get our nails done." You started to yawn as it made Jeff's heart melt a bit. "You're so cute when you wake up." he said, admiring how the sun hits the back of your head.

You smirk back at the screen as you playfully roll your eyes. “And to everyone else in the world, I’m Frankenstein coming back from the dead.” Jeff laughed harder as he smiled at you. “I gotta go and wrap my reps. Just wanted to wish my best girl an amazing day.” You blow him an air kiss as he winked back. “Love you, babes.” You said as you got out of bed. “Love you more,” Jeff said before he hung up the call.

You take a deep breath and thought how lucky you were to be with a guy like Jeff. You and Jeff joined the vlog squad around the same time a few years back. You were a plus-size model for a few companies like Fashion Nova and Pretty Little Thing. Once you started off your YouTube channel, Carley saw your videos and dmed you on Instagram to hang out sometime. You met up at a lunch with the group and she introduced you to everyone, but somehow caught Jeff’s eye.

The whole time, you and Jeff started to hit it off. Then with a lot of flirting and calling each other late at night, you both decided to make it official. Jeff thought you would turn him away due to his past, but you truly accepted him for his journey, even if it wasn’t pretty. Now you were going strong for about three years, and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

After you’ve gotten ready, Erin texted you that they were outside. You head out and enter their car as they began filming. “Hey, guys! We just picked up our queen, happy birthday!” You smile brightly as you buckle in the back. “Thank you guys!” you said. Carly turns back to you and gives you your favorite Starbucks drink and a cake pop. “Thought you could use a little sugary treat to start the day.” You make a small pout from the gesture, thanking her again.

On your way to the nail salon, you guys start talking about David’s latest antics as well as a fancy restaurant that just opened that you really wanted to try. The girls make a face at the camera but you didn’t make of it as you arrived at your appointment. Carly switches off the camera as you all started heading out of the car.

Once you were all done, you all started to fan over the amazing job of your nail artists (which you all generously tipped) and decided to go out for lunch. “Are we still clubbing tonight?” Carly asked as she sipped her Seltzer. You nod yes as you finished a bite of your appetizer. “Yep, I’m so excited to wear this cocktail dress Jeff gave me before he left. I just wished he was here to celebrate.” You said, fumbling with the end of a napkin in front of you.

The girls give you a sympathetic look, knowing how much you’ve been missing him the past couple of days. Even after they changed the subject, all you could think of was Jeff. But after a good meal and a little site seeing, you started to feel a bit better. The girls dropped you home so you could relax before clubbing the night away.

Right when it hit evening, you began getting ready as you curled your hair and did your makeup just right. You slipped on the dress Jeff gave you that adored every curve on your figure, silently thanking your boyfriend for his taste in fashion.

You suddenly hear a knock at the door, thinking it's one of the girls. You unlock the door and open it to reveal no other than your very well-dressed boyfriend. "Jeff! You're back!" You screamed as you gave him a crushing hug, later kissing him. "Hey, doll." Jeff whispered as you took his breath away, taking out a bouquet of your favorite flowers.

"What are you doing back home?" You asked, still dazed that's actually at your doorstep. "C'mon, did you really think I was going to miss my best girl's big day?" He questioned with a twinkle in his eye. You roll your eyes and hug him again, truly blessed to have such an amazing boyfriend.

"I'm here to pick you up to your destination, shall we?" He offers his hand that you gladly took it. He helps you in his car as you both drove off to the main road with his hand on your upper thigh. You notice that he doesn't take the road to the club. "Babe, I think you missed a turn." you told Jeff who was smirking even more at your cluelessness. "Don't worry dolI, I know where I'm going." he takes a hold of your hand and kisses your knuckle as you blush harder.

He then parks in a parking lot and goes out of the car to open your door. Before you could actually take in your surroundings, Jeff shielded your view. "Hey! Jeff seriously, where are we?" you lightly scolded him. "You gotta trust me now, okay?" you agreed as you grumbled under your breath. With a few more steps, you start to enter a doorway that was decorated with...

streamers?

Jeff takes his hands off and you see all of your friends surrounding you. "Happy Birthday!" they all screamed out loud. You smile from ear to ear as Jeff wrapped his arms around your waist. Utterly shocked, you did your best to express your happiness but you were beyond speechless.

You suddenly realized that the place you were in was the restaurant you've desperately wanted to try and you turn around to Jeff who was beaming at your joy. "All for you, baby girl." his husky voice told you as you hugged him, pecking his face with kisses. Then, all of your friends ushered you both in to dine and dance. You saw how the entire restaurant had accents of rose gold decorations, as well as your friends wearing the same color palette.

Although this surprise was really touching, something was bothering you. Usually, they would throw parties like these for David, so why would they celebrate something big for you?

Later on, you all ate the most mouth-watering food as well as dancing to your favorite songs. Once they take out the birthday cake, you lose sight of Jeff. You ask Carly where he is but she brushed it off, saying that he's probably getting you a drink. As you started to dish out the cake, David stood up and clinked a knife to a glass.

"Hey everyone! If I could get your attention please." David shouted as the whole party calmed down. "There is a special surprise waiting outside on the back patio for our birthday girl, so could our celebrant please wear a blindfold?" Everyone started to cheer except for you. "I swear David if it's a wild animal..." you warned him but it was too late. One of the guys used a long fabric to cover your eyes, guiding you outside.

They take off the blindfold to reveal your boyfriend standing in front of you. You don't understand what's going on until you see a flower arch in the back of him, with a message illuminating "Marry Me." You gasp lightly as you cover your mouth with your eyes starting to water.

Jeff takes your shaking hands into his, ready to start his speech. “I wasn't really in New York for a brand deal, I was picking up your birthday gift.”

He then lowers himself on one knee, taking out a small pastel pink box to reveal a beautiful gold band decorated with transcendent diamonds. Both of you start to cry, but Jeff is literally a mess as he tries to finish his words.

“Before I met you, I thought I’d be better off alone. Now, my soul has been torn and reborn, started breathing for the very first in my life. As I’m standing in front of you, I wanna get it right for once.

Oh, believe me when I say I've been knocked out and beat but this feeling is fleeting. Even this morning, I've been thinking 'bout the way you smile golden…I want to move inside of your light.

I never thought I needed saving, I was right where I should be Good God, I know it's dangerous, but it's you that I need I'm in love this time. So, do you wanna be mine forever?”

You uncover your mouth and shake your head.

"Yes, yes, a thousand times yes." you said. The waterworks literally overcame both of you as he slid the ring around your finger, getting up to kiss your lips. Your friends cheer as they close up to you, firing confetti cannons into the air. You look up to Jeff as you wiped away his happy tears away from his face.

No words were exchanged, but you could tell through his eyes that he was forever grateful for you to be a part of his life. You both kiss again, ending the night with great friends and memories that will forever last in the video Joe has been recording for Jeff's channel (which trended 14 million on YouTube for a whole month).

You were the light in his life and he will bask in it for eternity.

#jeff wittek #jeff wittek x reader #jeff wittek fluff #jeff wittek imagine #jeff wittek x y/n #vlog squad #david dobrik #carly and erin #youtube #vlog squad imagine #jeff wittek fanfic #vlog squad fanfic

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antialiasis · 2 years ago

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Have you played Scarlet/Violet yet?

Playing it as we speak! I've done something like five badges, three Team Star bases and four Titans so far.

You did not technically ask for my thoughts but here is some rambling:

The game is absolutely janky as hell, but I've yet to experience any kind of crash, softlock, or major graphical glitch persisting for more than a couple seconds, and the overworld performance issues only very occasionally get significant enough to be properly disruptive, so all in all it hasn't really stopped me enjoying it. I am invested in Arven and his doggo and the Team Star bosses who all seem very pure actually. Also Koraidon is doggiest bikederg.

That said, it really is janky! I hope they do come out with a patch, though I'm keeping my expectations somewhat reserved with regards to how easy it would be to improve some of the performance stuff without some kind of major overhaul of the engine. Honestly the top of my list is fixing the PC; with my style of rotating teams (training every new Pokémon + my shinies + the Normal Tera Type Scyther I caught early on), I do a whole lot of opening my boxes, and the bizarre graphical jank that happens when you do is so weird. And whyyy on earth is loading in the Pokémon's simple 2D box sprites the laggiest thing in the entire game. What is even happening there, I want to understand.

I had seen some people praise it pre-release for making battles snappier, but that kind of made me expect more - there are still frequent several-second waits between messages in battle for little discernible reason, even while the Pokémon are just doing idle animations, and some abilities and moves just become really lengthy, e.g. Anger Shell insistently writing out messages and showing an animation for all five stats it's modifying every time my Klawf goes below 50% HP, or Bellibolt's Electromorphosis firing for every hit of every multi-hit move even though it only stores one charge. Definitely a thing where I feel like the game is deliberately choosing to show messages for at least a couple of seconds but it could really do with at least letting us press A to continue sooner.

As I've talked about before open-world games aren't really my thing generally, but I think the game has handled it well and I've been enjoying it more than expected, honestly. I like the three main plotlines sort of tugging you in a few different directions with a sense of purpose and investment behind each (well, less so for the gym storyline which so far is mostly just "Nemona really likes battling you guys"), and I've gotten to run around getting myself in trouble while horrendously underleveled, which I always enjoy. I've even managed to get into exploring a bit in the past few days; been running around some lower-leveled areas I never went to for the hell of it. This is not very remarkable for anyone else, I realize, but like, because I don't play these sorts of games my brain is not very used to navigating wide open 3D spaces in a video game where I only have a limited camera view to orient myself in, and I tend to just find it annoying, so the game must be doing something right for me to even want to. I never felt compelled to explore in PLA, for instance, just made a beeline for whatever the next objective was and maybe went a little out of my way to pick up an item I saw or whatever. That's how I started Scarlet, too (hence all the lower-leveled areas I never went to), but one way or another I got to the point of just wanting to get to the places I hadn't been on the map, which is a success.

I do miss having more building interiors and more interesting stuff in cities in general than "one billion identical sandwich shops that are just a menu", but the exteriors are pretty and they've spent some effort trying to give each city and gym some character, which is nice.

Also, after not finding any up to this point, I caught two shinies today, a Psyduck and a Murkrow, which is very impressive for me but still not a record since there was that one bizarre time I somehow got three shinies in PLA in like twenty minutes.

All in all, it's a flawed game but I'm having lots of fun with it and enjoying the storylines so far. It does feel quite lovingly made, just clearly short on time to fully polish it all the way.

#pokemon #pokemon scarlet and violet #ramble

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bakugohoex · 4 years ago

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This may be a bit of a different request, and you may have already done this, but could I ask for Levi comforting a reader after a panic attack...I've had a rough few days and I always seem to have a worse panic attack after the first one... I adore your writing, and it always makes me feel a bit better! 💗

“look at me y/n, you’re with me, you’ll be okay”

pairing: levi ackerman x female reader

cw: mentions of violence, panic attack, language, fluff and comfort

word count: 2100+

a/n: hi im so sorry this is coming out really late but thank you for the support and i hope you’re doing better, if you ever want to talk to my messages are always open for anything

summary: in which you have a panic attack after a long scouting mission and levi comes and comforts you

↞ back to attack on titan masterlist

Your hands trembled under the dim light that you carried, you could almost see the light shake but didn’t dare surpress the movement. You were an apart of the front line when on expeditions and had gone on your own squad mission, you were only the second in command. But then it had taken a lot more of a toll on you, outside the walls for longer than the normal one-day expeditions. The three days outside with those who had been in your squad.

But here you were on your single horse, the only light from you, your came up high. The only benefit of nightfall was how easily it was to get past unnoticed. You had seen titans around you fast asleep, being as quiet as you could.

Inside though, your heart raced, a shortness of breath came from you. You tried to steady it, you did, but you were alone ten minutes away from the walls. Ten minutes away from humanity, you wouldn’t be alone, you’d be protected. You’d be safe.

The flashes of blood scattered across the trees; you had been laughing with the squad a mere day ago. Now you had left there bodies, left them alone, your breathing hitched, hearing the light dim even more. The coldness swept past you, the faces of half-eaten comrades through your vision before the supressed tears fell down your face.

Your own left arm had been bandaged up; you remember the captain having bandaged you up. His grin wide at the sight of you both joking along beside a campfire. Then his face, the half-eaten face in front of you, there screams tormented your ears.

It filled your insides, screaming and shouts for help. They say that to die a scout was honourable, but you watched them die, watched them plea and bargain, it wasn’t honourable, it wasn’t dignified. It was torturous and pitiful. You tried to wipe your eyes but couldn’t, letting it seep down your face.

Seeing the wall rose, you dropped the waved the light with your last strength. Seeing the doors open, your horse trotted through, seeing men come up to you. “They’re inside.” Trost had housed the scouts for a while now and the men helping you down.

You had no words to them; you didn’t speak only taking your bandaged arm and going to where Erwin and the other captains were. The men who had helped asked where everybody else was, but you were silent, feeling nausea and the tears dripping into your sweat.

All the scouts were together all eating the same gruel it was every other day. The captains and commander sitting on their own table. You saw them, your face flushed and your breathing heavy, you had still been carrying the light, but at the sound of dropping it. The shattering caused the dead silence all eyes turning to you at the door.

Your blood covered fingers, the cut on your cheek, the tears and sweat dripping from your face. Your bandaged arm, your heavy breathing and trembling, it had become too much for you. You only joined to be with your friend, to make sure they would always be safe. But you watched them die, watched them scream and shout as the Titan bit into them, savouring them, you had broken the promise.

“Y/n.” Erwin spoke standing up, he began to walk past everybody, Hanje and Levi following.

You choked on your words but still spoke, “we…we got a…attacked and…and I was the only one who’s…survived.” On your final words the tears welled from your face, you breath quickening, you fell to the ground, your bloody hands up to your face. You sobbed out loud, breaking the silence, Levi came up to you walking past Erwin who was about to talk himself, he bent down to reach your fragile body.

You rocked back and forth, the screams filling your ears, all you could feel, could see was them being eaten. See how your captain had pushed you away from being eaten, you should’ve died, not him. Levi grabbed your shoulder bringing your body into his own, “look at me Y/n, you’re with me, you’ll be okay.”

“L…Levi.” You stuttered but didn’t meet his gaze.

His arms felt soft against your rough shell, going around your bloodied body, you felt sick to the stomach, continuing to rock back and forth with all the memories coming through you. He touched your face softly, a movement that you didn’t expect. He could almost feel your shaky breath hit his skin, he didn’t speak moving his thumb back and forth across your cheek.

He held you close, you could hear him whisper comforts into your ear, staying in his arms. It was comfort he had never given to you, the relationship with him being professional and even with your love for the man. He didn’t love you; this was friendship, this was his comforting a friend and you realised the only person you had left was Levi, the only person who you could call family was Levi.

“Let’s get you cleaned up, okay?” It was a question, it wasn’t a command it wasn’t an order, he wanted you to feel safe.

You nodded still trembling, your limbs trembled as you stood up, Levi grabbing your waist to let you lean against him. “Hanje go help.” Erwin ordered not knowing how to react, of course he knew death was always going to happen.

He knew you had experience with death before, but you’d be alone for who knows how long, you’d watched people who you called family die in front of you and worst of all. Worst of fucking all was the strongest soldier he had met became vulnerable in a matter of minutes.

“Commander Erwin we want to go help Y/n.” Eren and his group came up to the man, Erwin didn’t know what to say instead looking at the kids.

“She needs some time.” He spoke before following Hanje and Levi who kept you upright in their arms.

Levi ran a bath for you, you shivered under the coldness. Having only felt it as you stripped the clock off and were left in your bloody clothes, “I’ll go get you some new clothes.” Hanje spoke and you tried to thank her, but you couldn’t speak.

Memories filled through you, smiling at Levi and Hanje a couple days ago, how they gave the same don’t die comment. Your friends did, you had nobody, Levi turned around, an indication for you to strip, you did so and head the water splash as your body was in it. You didn’t care if he saw, nothing mattered anymore, if you let yourself go under the water, who cared.

The panic that had set in and you had stopped trembling as much, but still Levi saw you look outside. Look outside the walls, he knew you were thinking of the corpses that you had left alone. “Y/n.”

You turned to see him, he sat on the stool beside the bath. Grabbing your arm, he rubbed the dirt away, rubbed any blood that had situated on your body. “Levi, I couldn’t save them.” Your voice had become normal, but he could see the tears, see how you breath was still heavy and the faint look that captured your eyes.

“Don’t do this.” He moved to your face, your hair tied, his fingers moved to the cut, it wasn’t deep and would scar over but it was filled with mud and soot. He rubbed it gently, your eyes on his, watching every single thing he did.

“It should’ve been me.” Levi let go of your face glaring at you.

He wasn’t calm anymore, he felt for you of course he did but the words that would come out of his mouth would be a reality check, “no, I’m grateful that you survived because if you died, if you fucking died Y/n, I don’t know what I’d do.”

It was selfish, but since you had spoken the words of being the only survivor, he had been grateful, grateful you had survived. “Levi, don’t say…”

He interrupted you, “don’t what? If you died Y/n…”

He stopped have spoken too much, he regained his normal dull composure, grabbing your other arm and scrubbing the dirt away. “I’m sorry.”

Ignoring the apology, Hanje came back with the clothes, allowing you to get out and change into the fresh survey corps uniform. You smelled fresh and anew, your arm being re wrapped by Hanje as you waited for Erwin.

Even after your panic attack when riding outside the walls and in front of Levi, the thoughts still filled you and your legs shook underneath. “Y/n.” Erwin’s voice fell through the door, his gentle knock making you nod to Hanje to speak.

“Come in.” She spoke standing up for Erwin to take her spot in front of you.

Levi stood beside the window, looking outside, he admired the stars and sky. He hadn’t been there to protect, he hadn’t saved you, he had let you suffer all alone, in the cold and dark. It was a pit of regret and guilt to now have been there for you.

“Can you tell me what happened?” Erwin asked softly.

There voices had become a lot softer trying to be tentative of your fragility, you took in a sharp breathe, fingers trembling, “I…it was two days ago.” You paused looking at your fingers, Levi noticed and came up to you. He grabbed your hands and held them between his fingers, rubbing back and forth across the back of your hand. He nodded for you to continue, it brought some relief and you looked directly into Erwin’s eyes.

You spoke the events that occurred, how you had been camping outside and before you knew it a hoard of titans had come. How there was too many and by the end of the say half of your squad had gotten murdered. It was how you had gotten injured, the squad members left had decided to head back and whilst going back by horse, you encountered another hoard of titans in the morning. The graphic detail of how your friend had gotten eaten and how your captain had pushed you aside to not get killed had created silence in the room.

“I’d been riding since the afternoon, it was…was hard to make sure Titans didn’t see me.” It was your final words, and Levi moved to wipe the stray tear from your eye. He understood more after hearing the story, why you had said it should’ve been you. But mostly he knew he’d have to protect you; he didn’t care you were his only priority and responsibility now.

“We’ll send some men to find their bodies.” Erwin softly brushed your shoulder with his palm, you nodded at him. “Get some rest Y/n.”

You watched him leave but just as him and Hanje were about to leave you spoke, “Erwin.”

He stopped looking at you, you could see the sympathy he had in his eyes, but you needed to say this before anything else, “I’m going on the next expedition.”

Levi was about to speak to stop you, but Erwin spoke up, “if that’s what you want.”

You nodded and he left swiftly, Hanje following. It was dead silent Levi having removed his hands from yours and pacing back and forth. “You can’t go on the expedition.”

“I don’t care Levi, I’m going, who the hell cares if I die? I have nobody, me dying won…” You had clearly disregarded his previous words, when listening you had assumed it all too be friendly and that he was just saying it to be nice.

His interruption made his emotionless face look sterner and angrier, “it’ll affect me, I’d rather die then let you die for your stupid suicide mission.”

It stung but you didn’t speak, only looking down, “I’m not speaking about this, leave.” You moved towards the bed, about to lie down to think and maybe get some rest.

“Y/n, if you die then I’ll have nobody.” It was a whisper, but you heard it, meeting his gaze.

You sat on the bed, he moved closer to you, his hands moving to cup your face, “I need to go.”

“I know, I want to protect you.” You didn’t speak leaning against his shoulder, his arm around your waist bringing you warmth.

You looked out the window, you understood him, you couldn’t protect your friend but maybe you and Levi could protect each other. You understood that the comfort he had brought through your panic attack was a lot more than any friend would do. Staying in his arms, the way his hands moved up and down your sides. In a soft whisper he heard the four words he had dreamt of hearing, “I love you, Levi.”

i’d really appreciate if you guys could leave a like, reblog or comment, thanks x

if you guys want to be a part of a tag list, just reply to any post and i’ll add you xx

@samusimp @alainarose13 @crispychannie @underratedmage @jennammaee @cathy8taffy @sugacious @moonlightaangel @kat-sukis-hoe @effmigentlywithachainsaw @swankiifiied @maat-the-prescriptive @missmultifangirl @tvwhoresblog @kuroos-world @chrrylevi @ukaisgratefulwhore @answer-the-sirens

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shadowsinger11 · 4 years ago

Text

John Wayne

Pairing: Fred Weasley x Reader

Summary: Christmas lights and stunning dresses are enough to spark a desire for a winter romance. But could you have possibly gotten the wrong idea?

Word Count: 2.5k

Genre: fluff, angst

A/N: I might've listened too much to Cigarettes After Sex while writing and this is totally not a song inspired fic, born purely as a result of my procrastination with other projects

Tag list: @susceptible-but-siriusexual @hufflexpuff @neovannii @jenniweasley @theweasleysredhair @harrysweasleys @loony-loopy-lupinn @whiz-bangs78 @slytherinsunrise @starlightweasley @ickle-ronniekins @gcdric @vivianweasley @aprilsrant @idont-knowrn @thisismynerdyself @wonderful-writer @feetoffthetablee @minty-malfoy @vogueweasley @elf-punk @oh-for-merlins-sake @heart-of-tempered-steel @spilled-prose @itseatyourdamnapples @aaannabbanana @l0ttadreamz @potter-redheads @pastanest | message me to be added/removed! (if you're in bold, I couldn't tag you)

You were staring at the crowded dance floor.

Beautiful ladies were being spun around by their partners, gorgeous gowns twirling and swooshing with their every elegant move. Everything was perfect about them; from their smile which lit up the Great hall more than the sparkling white Christmas trees, to the way their wrist gracefully twisted around their lover's neck, eyes piercing into theirs. The music was playing, slow and melancholic, exactly as it had been playing for the last few hours, luring lovers and encouraging them to bare their souls in front of each other.

And so they danced, connected by fearful desire, united by hope and bonded by love.

It was a kind of magic no one could truly understand, mysterious and private as though you weren't meant to witness it that night. So when among the sea of couples lips met in a silent oath, your heart began to ache, pleading you to leave.

It should have been you. It should have been you the receiver of those loving glances, of those kisses which made your head dizzy and caused your knees to buckle, but it would've been no problem as you would've had the arms of your lover to keep you secure. Then, as you'd dare to look up through your lashes, gorgeous eyes would be already on you, their obscure flame consoling you and pulling you in. And you'd simply fall, letting the warm, velvety darkness envelope you.

You flinched from the slight chill, rethinking your choice of a sleeveless dress. The enthusiasm with which you had picked it months ago now seemed utterly ridiculous and foolish as you were sitting a good distance away from where you believed you'd have been dancing your heart out. But, as you took one last look at your surroundings, only to spot your lovestruck friends indulging in the presence of their partners, the comfort of your pajamas seemed far more tempting than the unreasonably expensive piece of fabric which didn't even matter to you anymore.

It was pitifully funny how things could change in the blink of an eye, in a single breath; how fast you had gone from blooming with excitement to wondering how you were foolish enough to contribute to your own heartbreak.

"How come I'm just finding out about this?" Fred exclaimed, chasing after you down the stairs of the Astronomy tower. "I bet I wouldn't have known if it wasn't for those Ravenclaws chatting back in class."

"You were gonna know eventually, what's the deal?"

"My point is, why didn't you tell me and I had to hear from someone else?"

A group Hufflepuffs gave you questioning looks as you practically ran past them, nearly tripping over your own feet in the process, "You're making a fuss about nothing, stop acting entitled to every piece of information in my life!"

"McLaggen? That git?" Fred yelled in frustration and disbelief; he didn't at all acknowledge the small crowd which had gathered to observe the scene, nor did he care in the first place. He stopped in his tracks, gripping the wooden railing tight, knuckles turning white and jaw tense. "You cannot be serious."

Shocked faces now turned to you, and you desperately wished you could use reducio on yourself. Instead, opposite to what your consciousness was screaming at you, you dug your feet into the floor and shot Fred a stern look over your shoulder, "We're not discussing this right now. Besides, what's in it for you anyway? You're going with Angelina."

Had you kept walking, you would have missed the way Fred's chest was heaving with shallow, rapid breaths, and his face was more maroon than you had ever seen. And you? You couldn't quite breathe yourself.

A week ago your untamed happiness brightened every room and hallway; classes seemed to fly by, exams were over and the Yule ball was right around the corner. Your heart was ringing with joy as you were so looking forward to forgetting your troubles for just one night.

In the midst of shining Christmas decorations and beautiful dresses a dreamy, yet pretty bold idea had begun to form in your head, an idea which Ginny and Hermione encouraged with their support and affirmations. Deep down you had started to believe Fred Weasley took an interest in you, harboured feelings for you even, and your ever-present goofy banter which contained far more flirting than what would be acceptable between two best friends, only fed your imagination and raised your hopes up.

You were aware you were the only one on the receiving end of Fred's teasing jokes, cheesy pickup lines and lingering stares which had you staying up an extra hour in your bed at night. Even his siblings shared the same opinion - there was no way on Godric's sword that a person who clearly wanted to be around you as often as possible and got his hands on you every chance he could, wouldn't be at least a little bit interested in you.

That's why you nearly broke down when exactly a week ago in the hallway Ron casually mentioned his older brother had just asked out Angelina.

The ground was pulled beneath your feet, vanishing along with your oblivious hopes. The news stung sharply, leaving a sour taste in your mouth; never had you believed you’d spend the few days before the ball stitching up your heart, and you were willing to do just about anything to forget about your humiliation. So when McLaggen invited you with an obnoxiously flirty note in Charms class, you didn’t hesitate much.

You could feel a wave of tears burning your eyes as you looked up to where Fred was standing. His face and ears were still as red as they could get, and his chest was vibrating with every shaky breath he took. Fury had disappeared from his eyes long ago, replaced with concern, regret and hurt which you couldn't quite place.

He climbed down the few remaining stairs.

"He's obnoxious! And beyond what's good for you!" Fred stated, though his voice now lacked power and slightly trembled, loud enough just for you to hear. "You're setting yourself up for a pretty bad night."

You swallowed down the dry lump in your throat and finally turned around to fully face him, looking him up and down.

"Seems like I have a terrible taste in men then."

A second glass of firewhiskey did nothing to burn down the growing turmoil in your stomach. You tapped the edge of the empty glass with your fingers and smiled at your friends who were visibly exhausted from dancing to upbeat songs for quite awhile now, but enjoying their time far too much to take a break. You admired their spirit - just because you weren't feeling your best, it didn't mean your friends didn't have the right to have fun.

However, the inevitable sense of regret lingered in your bones, and you found it hard to not focus on how the ball had gone wrong for you, in more ways than you had originally thought.

Even without Fred as your date, there was still a chance you'd have a good time. McLaggen could undoubtedly make it awkward to be around, and with the fact that your heart had recently been sliced open, you weren't sure how much of his ridiculous antics you could take. But at least he was trying; if you put aside his overbearing ego, you could see genuine effort into creating something romantic for both of you. It was going to be okay. Not necessarily what you desired, but somehow okay.

And that last bit of hope vanished the second you caught your former date snogging your crush's date in an empty classroom merely an hour ago.

You didn't know whether to cry or laugh at the universe's bitter joke, but the tears on your face as you ran down the hallway in your beautiful dress were eloquent.

A bitter, bitter joke.

You couldn't take it anymore. The charming smiles, sultry glances and stolen kisses you had been observing for the past hour were too much. And when another slow song made an appearance, you rose to your feet and headed towards the tall doors of the exit. Perhaps sleep would be a decent ending to your horrendous night.

You had barely made it out of the Great hall when loud footsteps echoed on your right.

"Bloody hell, I've been looking for you!" Fred said through heavy breaths, having run all the way to you as it seemed. His ginger hair had escaped its slicked look long ago, now too messy to fix despite his numerous attempts to smooth it back. His suit was no better, slightly wrinkled and shirt open to the third button.

"Why have you?" you asked and folded your arms, feeling a bit chilly in the hallway.

"McLaggen. About him," Fred sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I'm sorry for having to say it, but I just saw him-"

"I know."

Fred frowned in confusion.

"You do?"

It was your turn to let out an exasperated sigh as you looked down at your feet, "Yes. A while ago."

Fred's features softened.

"I'm sorry."

You barely found it in you to respond with a weak smile, "It's alright. I guess I was right. I do have a terrible taste in men." Then you gave Fred a sympathetic look, "I'm sorry for Angelina too, it's horrible she did this to you."

Your friend allowed the ghost of a smirk to appear on his lips and he shoved hands into his pockets, "I'm not really affected by it in all honesty," he shrugged. "I'm rather angry about the fact that the prat thought he could pull off something like this and get away with it."

Fred's heart ached at the sight of your slumped figure and glossy eyes; he hated himself for having contributed to the failure of the event you were expecting with so much hope. He tilted his head to the side, attempting to meet your gaze.

"I'd gladly prank the crap outta the git until he doesn't even dare to show up to classes… But for now is there a way for me to make your night any less terrible, love?"

You couldn't help but giggle at the thought of McLaggen skipping classes out of sheer fear of Fred. But then your thoughts wandered to the way Angelina was practically straddling his lap, and you wondered if Fred had been doing the same all this time unbeknownst to you; if right after a flirty joke sent your way he'd go to an empty classroom and kiss Angelina with the passion you had just witnessed.

The image of Angelina's lips on Fred's caused you to become nauseous and you attempted to swallow down that lump again.

"No," you replied. "But please, tell me one thing. What was that entire tantrum for?"

Fred didn't really seem taken aback by your question, realizing you'd eventually bring it up. He furrowed a brow, carefully thinking of an answer, and wettened his lips.

“Perhaps it would be inappropriate of me to say it- selfish even, but the mere thought of you being in the embrace of someone, especially with that someone being a foul git, caused me to get unreasonably angry.” Guilt was seeping into his every word and he bitterly chuckled to himself. “Ironic, isn’t it? Attempting to spare you heartbreak by being the reason for it.”

He gently took your hand and looked into your eyes, remorse swimming in his own, "I had no right to treat you the way I did. I'm terribly sorry for being controlling and you absolutely do not have to forgive me. Just know that I truly regret my actions; I never intended to hurt you."

His words were a feather-light caress to your wounded heart and you shuddered. You couldn't stay mad at him. Reciprocated feelings or not, he was still your best friend and you wouldn't let that go.

"Apology accepted," you gave his hand a light squeeze and Fred beamed, the entire hallway lighting up with him. Dread released your chest of its merciless grasp and you could finally breathe. However, one question never ceased to haunt you. "But I just need to know…” you began, absentmindedly playing with his fingers, “...why were you so upset to begin with?"

Fred's shoulders immediately stiffened and he averted his gaze from you in an attempt to come up with a reasonable reply. His jaw was clenched, and his adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed hard. "I didn't want you to go with him." He stated simply. "Not when you could've easily gone with me instead."

You froze.

"What do you mean?” you asked timidly, shifting your weight from foot to foot. “What about Angelina?"

Fred only shook his head, fighting back a grin.

"Darling, Angelina was never the catch."

The air was knocked out of your lungs.

You could only stare at Fred wide-eyed, and though his expression was unreadable, maroon had begun to crawl its way up to his ears and cheeks again.

"I'm sorry for putting you through all this," Fred spoke softly as he pressed a kiss to your knuckles, a kiss that awakened the butterflies within you. "I was really too much of a wuss to confess to you and settled for this instead."

"I guess that makes us two," you smiled sincerely, perhaps for the first time that night. Fred returned your smile with a grin, and asked.

"How can I make up to you for this oh-so-awful mess?"

"Dance with me," you said without skipping a beat. "That's what you owe me at least. Let's finally do what we both wanted."

Fred's expression became serious as he intertwined his fingers with yours, and led you into the direction of the Great hall, from which music could still faintly be heard.

"With the greatest of pleasure, my love."

Most people had already gone to bed, leaving just a few couples and you to drench in enchanted serenity. Fred's arms around you felt like home as you both swayed to the soft rhythm of the song, one of the many to follow, but his racing heartbeat under your palm caused your own pulse to speed up as well.

You looked up at your lover through your lashes, gorgeous eyes already on you, their obscure flame consoling you and pulling you in. There was an odd, enigmatic allure that Fred possessed, and even after years of knowing this man, it only caused you to fall further into the velvety hell you didn't wish to escape from.

And when his lips collided with yours, they tasted sweeter than the forbidden fruit.

Reblogs and feedback are greatly appreciated!

#fred weasley x reader #fred weasley x reader fluff #fred weasley x reader angst #fred weasley fic #fred weasley fanfiction #fred weasley imagines #fred weasley x y/n #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter imagines #james phelps #fred and george weasley

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bumblesimagines · 4 years ago

Text

Green Thumb

Part 12

Request: Yes or No

I'm sorry this feels short

You smiled, ending the call with Bucky. Over the past year, you basically called Bucky every week. Sometimes you went a few days without talking because he was busy or because you had a mission but you two always tried to talk at least once a week. You had gotten to know him better. He told you stories about him and Steve, how it was like growing up bisexual and having to hide it, joining the army. Some things were hard for him to talk about so you didn't push him.

"Done talking to your boyfriend?" Cooper asked, entering the room. You grinned, rolling your eyes and patting the spot infront of you. Cooper took a seat on the bed, sitting criss cross.

"Is Wanda still in Scotland?" He asked.

"Yeah, she is." You smiled, watching your little brother. Cooper hummed, toying with the strings of his hoodie. You watched him curiously.

"What's on your mind?" You asked softly. Cooper bit his bottom lip, tugging on the strings a bit.

"Are you gonna leave to visit that guy too?" He asked quietly. Your gaze softened, reaching forward and gently pulling him closer. You wrapped your arms around him.

"Coop, even if I did leave frequently or moved out, I would come visit everyday. I'd call you all the time." You told him gently, giving his arm a squeeze.

"I wouldn't forget about you, Lila, and Nate." You smiled softly. You turned your head, hearing the burner phone. You frowned, picking it up and looking at the message.

Steve Rogers

We need to get everyone together. We're gonna pick you up in ten.

Cooper watched you, head tilting. You licked your lips, sighing softly and looking at him.

"I've got a mission, bud. Could you go tell mom and dad while I get dressed?" You asked him, tossing the phone on the bed and going to your closet. Cooper nodded, getting up and leaving the room. You got out the outfit Clint had gotten you, changing into it. You opened your drawer, sliding the pistol into its holder. After what had happened with everyone, Clint decided to teach you hand to hand combat and how to use weapons.

"What happened?" Clint asked as he entered the room. You looked at him, licking your lips.

"Something serious. Steve wants everyone to group up." You told him. Clint frowned, nodding.

"Stay safe, alert, and-"

"Come back in one piece." You finished for him, smiling softly. You gave him a hug, moving onto Laura before heading down the steps. You could hear the aircraft landing outside.

"You're leaving?" Lila asked with a pout. You nodded, crouching down and hugging her. You gave Cooper and Nathaniel a hug, assuring them you'd be back.

"Be good." You called, leaving the house and jogging over to the aircraft. Natasha and Steve greeted you with smiles. You noticed their new looks.

"I didn't know you could grow facial hair." You said as the back close. Natasha laughed softly, giving you a hug. Steve shook his head with an amused smile as he made the aircraft rise. Sam gave you a wide smile.

"So, where is Wanda?" He asked.

"Edinburgh with.. Vision." You told them, watching Natasha set the course.

"And why is she there with him?"

"She's not giving or getting information. They're.. A couple." You shrugged lightly. Natasha and Sam shared a surprise look.

"How's Bucky?" Steve asked, keeping his gaze forward. You flushed, unaware that Steve knew about you and Bucky being in contact.

"He's.. Uh, he's fine." You said, scratching the side of your neck and avoiding their teasing gazes.

"So, what's up? What happened?" You asked, looking over them. Natasha pulled up a video. New York being destroyed with a hovering circle in the sky that disappeared into space.

"Banner called and told us about everything. Aliens are invading Earth for some infinity stones. Vision has the Mind Stone." Steve explained.

"Aliens?" You furrowed your brows, looking at her. Natasha nodded. You groaned softly, looking forward.

"Yeah, I won't be home in time for dinner." You sighed. You and the other reached Edinburgh by night time, noticing one of the streets being partially destroyed.

"(Y/N), take care of the fire." Steve ordered. You nodded, standing up and dropping down when the aircraft opened its back. You hopped down, the wind taking you down towards the truck on fire. You moved your hand, spreading your fingers. The fire moved towards you as you absorbed it. You followed the destruction to a subway station, humming.

"They're in here, Cap." You called. Natasha landed the jet as the others hopped down. You crashed through the glass ceiling, using wind to throw one of the two aliens into the air. Sam flew in, punching the alien and sending him flying across the station. Steve and Natasha fought with the other alien before Sam kicked her towards the other one. You made fire balls, keeping them ready in case they fought back.

"We don't want to kill you, but we will." Natasha said. The alien looked at her, scoffing.

"You'll never get the chance again." She replied, placing a hand in her companion. A blue light flashed on them and they were quickly lifted up to a ship. You closed your fists, the fire balls disappearing. You quickly jogged over to Wanda and Vision, the others following.

"Are you okay?" You asked softly. Wanda nodded, wincing as you gently touched the cut above her brow. The root around your wirst reached out, touching the cut and slowly rottening while Wanda's cut healed. She gave you a thankful smile.

"I don't know if I'll be able to heal you, Vis." You told him, helping him up. Sam put one of his arms around his shoulder while you went on his other side.

"Thank you." Vision breathed out.

"Let's get you on the jet." Steve said, turning and leading everyone to the jet. When you entered, you gently helped Vision sit. Natasha closed the back door.

"I thought we had a deal. Stay close, check in, don't take any chances." Natasha turned towards Wanda, cocking a brow. Wanda swallowed.

"I'm sorry." Wanda apologized quietly. Natasha shifted her gaze onto you.

"Nobody likes to snitch on their friends but-"

"I know." You sighed, taking a seat besides Wanda and Vision. Sam piloted the jet to the Avengers tower. You were uneasy, not feeling like getting arrested while Earth got invaded.

"How have you been, (Y/N)?" Vision asked as Wanda tried taking care of his injury.

"I've been good." You smiled. Wanda gave a small smile, looking at you.

"Talking to Bucky as always."

"Barnes?" Vision looked at you in surprise. You gave a small nod, cheeks flushing lightly. You and Bucky were still friends but you felt like there was something more though you didn't want to ask and get rejected. Sam landed the jet at the Avengers facility, the back opening. You and Sam helped Vision up, heading inside. You followed Steve and Natasha to the lab, noticing Secretary Ross hologram. You clenched your jaw, wishing he was there so you could punch him. Rhodes made the holograms disappear, giving Steve a smile and shaking his hand.

"Great seeing you, Cap." He said, giving Natasha a hug.

"You guys look like crap." Rhodes chuckled, looking over you and your friends.

"Surprised Ross didn't arrest you at Bartons place." Rhodes said, motioning to you.

"Clint doesn't mind lying to old assholes." You replied, chuckling softly. Your gaze went over to Bruce. It had been about a year or two since you had last seen him.

"Yeah, I'm- I'm back." Bruce said, nervously looking over everyone. Natasha's gaze and voice softened.

"Hi, Bruce." She greeted. Bruce gave a nod, silence filling the room.

"This is awkward." Sam said quietly. You snorted softly, following Rhodes to an office. You rolled your shoulders, walking to the mini kitchen and getting an apple.

"Where's Clint?" Bruce asked, turning to look at Natasha after being caught up.

"He and Scott took a deal to have their families on house arrest. I'm assuming he lied and said (Y/N) was with Steve and Sam." Natasha said, glancing back at you. You confirmed it with a nod.

"Who's Scott?"

"Ant-Man." Steve answered. Bruce blinked, brows furrowing.

"There's an Ant-Man and a Spider-Man?" He asked, head tilting. You chuckled softly, taking a seat.

"Okay, look. Thanos has the biggest army in the universe and he is not gonna stop until he.. He gets.. Visions' stone." Bruce said. You turned your head, looking at the Mind Stone.

"We have to protect it."

"We have to destroy it." Vision corrected, looking at everyone.

"I've been giving it a great deal of thought about this entity in my head.. It's nature and also its composition." Vision turned to look at Wanda, gaze soft as he approached her.

"I think if it were exposed to a sufficiently high energy source similar to its own signature then perhaps... It's integrity could fail." Vision said softly, placing a hand on Wandas' arm. Wanda shook her head lightly.

"And you with it." She stared at him with a small frown. "We're not having this conversation."

"That's too high a price." Wanda said quietly. You watched them, frowning as Wanda turned and walked away from him, eyes watering.

"Thanos needs to be stopped. One life cannot stand in the way of defeating him." Vision said, staring at his lover with a sadden gaze.

"We don't trade lives, Vision." Steve said, looking up at Vision. Vision turned to face him, walking towards him.

"You lied down your life to save millions of people. Tell me, why is this any different?" Vision asked. Steve face him, sighing softly.

"Because you might have a choice." Bruce said, looking at Vision.

"Your mind is made out of a complex system. Ultron, Tony, me, the stone.. All of them mixed together and learning from each other." Bruce said. Wanda turned, sniffling softly and tilting her head at his words.

"You're saying Vision isn't just the stone?"

"I'm saying, if we take out the stone, there's still a whole lot of Vision left. Perhaps the best parts." Bruce said. Natasha licked her lips, gaze flickering between Bruce and Vision.

"Can you do that?" Natasha asked softly. Bruce frowned, shaking his head. Steve turned his head to look at you.

"I know somewhere." He said. You stared at him before a wide smile spread across your face.

"Wakanda."

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lacharcutiere · 3 years ago

Text

still [sawamura daichi]

1,6k words

previous | masterlist | next ➪

part eight of i’m gone i’m gone i’m gone miniseries. you can only put these things off for so long.

JST: japanese standard time (GMT +9). EST: eastern standard time (GMT -5). EDT: eastern daylight time (GMT -4).

tings // fluff, a little bit of angst, kinda suggestive at the end ?? // i swear this søng is abøut eating øut my best friend's pussy - cøzybøy // dm, ask or comment to be added to taglist ! minors dni.

☾𓆙𓂻

— JAPAN, SUMMER 2024.

the summer passes like this: you and daichi laughing too loudly in busy restaurants and train cars; having arms around each other in the back of taxis on the way home from clubs; making instant udon at three a.m.; walking up and down the neighborhood a hundred times; laying silently side by side and not needing to say anything. it's a routine, it's familiar—it's home.

a couple weeks before you're set to head back to new york, daichi asks you a question as you lay next to him on a blanket in your driveway, staring up at the stars.

"have you decided what your plans are after college?"

"i'm gonna come back here."

"i thought you wanted to go to grad school? you can do way better in the states, especially with a degree from columbia."

you roll onto your side so you can look at him better. "i know. but i've been away too long already. i miss you."

he gives you a little smile. "but i'm right here."

"right here is pretty fucking far from america."

"hm."

that's the end of the conversation.

— 2 AUGUST 2024. 23:09 JST.

everything happens the exact same way it has for the past three years: he takes you to the airport. you try hard not to cry; you say your goodbyes. check-in, security, buy some candy to eat at the gate. board the plane. sixteen hours later, you're in america.

one thing was different, though.

when he said goodbye, his lips touched yours.

you don't stop thinking about it for weeks.

☾𓆙𓂻

— AUGUST TO NOVEMBER 2024.

slightly relieving is the fact that amid thesis writing and too many classes and working an internship under one of your professors (that one's nice, it even earns you enough to get a small apartment a few blocks from campus), there proves to be little time to be spent missing daichi.

you finesse your schedule to fit weekly facetimes on friday evenings (new york time) and shoot random texts back and forth about your day between classes and during meals, and without much space for anything else, it's enough. good things are worth waiting for, anyway.

— DECEMBER 2024.

but then winter sem break rolls around and there's no school so it's back to having too much lonely alone time with your thoughts. you write daichi a christmas card and drop it off at the post office. it's early this year, but oh, well.

☾𓆙𓂻

a week before christmas you receive a call from an unknown number. the phone speaker crackles when you accept the call.

“hello?”

“hey.” the voice on the other end is bright, smiley, accented. it’s tōru.

“tōru? what’s up?”

“i’m outside,” he says, “come down and meet me?”

you’re a little confused, but you decide to humor him. “uh, okay, give me a minute… do i need anything?”

“bring a coat, it’s cold out. i’ll be waiting down here.” the call ends.

a few minutes later you push through the doors of the building to be met with a brisk wind and tōru standing by a payphone, grinning.

“do you have your subway pass?”

you feel inside your pocket for it and nod.

“good,” he says. “come on, we’re in a hurry.”

“where are we going?”

“downtown.”

“ohhkay?”

he laughs. “‘s not anything you won’t like, promise.”

you follow him into the nearest subway entrance, lost in thought as you push through the barrier and step onto the train. it's only when he nudges you and says, "this is our stop," that you realize you've been looking at the ground the whole time.

tōru notices how absent you seem to be and asks, "are you okay?"

"i would be if i knew what was going on," you respond.

"yeah," he says, leading you up the stairs and into the terminal, "yeah, i think you will be."

you're in grand central. tōru asks if he can borrow your phone for a second. when he hands it back to you, he doesn't say anything, just takes you by the arm smiling widely and leads you into the fray of commuters that fill the station.

"tōru!" you groan, "can't you just tell me where we're going?"

"magnolia," he replies simply.

"we came all the way here just for coffee?"

"mhm."

"tōru!" he stops walking and turns back to you, trying and failing miserably to stop grinning for a second. "what the fuck?"

"come on," he says, "you'll like it."

"we've been here before! what's so special about—"

"you'll see."

☾𓆙𓂻

coffee in grand central is surprisingly good. it's also surprisingly expensive. ah, well, it's new york. new york has much more to offer than just overpriced cafés.

such as... this. such as a laughing man that leads a remarkably pissed-off looking girl by the arm, towards this stupidly good, stupidly overpriced café.

the pair are weaving through a stream of people, almost there, and then they're there, and the girl is looking much less agitated now. she looks somewhere between crying and wanting to run in the opposite direction. thank god, she chooses the former.

he loves you. so much.

☾𓆙𓂻

"daichi?" you mean it to be a scream but your voice cracks a little and it comes out airy.

he has the exact same look on his face that tōru's had this whole time. "hi."

"oh my god, what the fuck?"

"you said it was lonely, tōru told me maybe it would be nice for you to have a date for new year's, i had some extra money saved up. so i came."

"you— what?" you look back at tōru. "you planned this? just? last minute?"

"nah," daichi laughs, "no, i meant to come visit you for christmas a while ago. i already had tickets and everything, i was gonna tell you but then i got your card and figured it might be more fun if it were a surprise."

"oh my god." that's all you can think to say.

— CHRISTMAS 2024.

you can't even explain how good it feels to wake up and walk into the living room to find daichi asleep on your couch on christmas morning, how good it feels for it to not just be you. the whole time he's been here, though, you've forced yourself not to think about the fact that he's going back home in a week and a half, forced yourself not to do anything just yet. soon, though. just a few more months.

☾𓆙𓂻

when he wakes up, you're making coffee for the two of you.

"merry christmas," he says, wrapping one arm around your shoulders. he places a card on the counter in front of you. "open it."

its message is simple.

you do as it says.

"i, uh, haven't gotten you anything yet, but—"

"daichi," you laugh, "it's okay. and um, i may have also not been able to get you anything. also because i didn't know you'd be here."

"wait, wait, i'm not finished."

"okay?"

"what do you want to do after you're done this year of school?"

"i already told you," you say, "i'll move back home."

"no, what do you want to do? you want to go to grad school, right? continue studying here?"

"no, i just want to stop waiting." you sigh, a little frustrated. "i don't wanna have to keep putting this off, it's been—"

he cuts you off. "i'll be here."

"huh?"

"i'll be here. or wherever."

"i don't get it?"

you've always loved the way daichi's nose scrunches up when he smiles. "you're the one planning on studying more, not me. not immediately, anyway. i'll go with you."

"daichi."

"what?"

"you're fucking joking."

he laughs; you look so confused right now. "i'm not. promise."

"i don't even—"

"hey."

"hm?"

"think you can handle long-distance for five months?"

"uh—" you inhale sharply. "yeah."

"good," he says, "then we don't have to keep putting this off."

it's been five months since you last let your lips touch his. it still feels just like the first time it happened.

— 31 DECEMBER, 2023. 19:36 EST.

he tries not to let you pay for dinner, but in the end, you slip the waiter your card while daichi's in the bathroom. it's his birthday; it's your treat.

and after dinner, there's that new year's eve party that tōru's been going on about. it feels good, so good, not to be there alone. it feels good to watch the broadcast from downtown and count the seconds to midnight as daichi's arms are wrapped around you from behind. the clock reaches zero; daichi kisses you hard. you're both drunk on champagne.

you watch him smile across the room at tōru, who's got his girl on his arm. the two of them look happy, too. everything is warm.

— DEPARTURE: 3 JANUARY 2025. 08:15 EST.

daichi's asleep next to you when the alarm on his phone goes off. you'll miss not waking up next to him for the next five months, but at least that's all it will be.

he makes faces at you in the mirror as you both brush your teeth; keeps trying to tug your sweater off when you get dressed. you spend these thirty minutes laughing with him until it hurts. the two of you take the subway back to grand central; make out in a corner of the terminal while he waits for his train to jfk international to arrive.

"see you in may."

— 21 JANUARY 2025.

taglist: @sakruisin-thru @softetsurou @oligbia

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whythewords · 2 years ago

Text

Days 267 - 280: What it might be...

Quicker turnaround than many of the last posts (yes I'm mentioning it again) and with perhaps an odd (or possibly perfect) juxtaposition with the sad yet hopeful nature of the end of that last entry.

I'll start by saying things have been pretty good. Aside from an incredibly annoying but relatively infrequent lingering cough, the COVID symptoms seem to be a distant memory. Two negative tests and I was back on campus. It was a busy week, but I got the shit done that I needed to do and then quickly realized today, as the school week has come to a close that we're about to enter week 6. That means I'm just a couple of weeks away from reading week which is not only a nice little break to look forward to, but the halfway point of the semester... My final semester...is almost halfway done. Holy fuck. The coming workload seems daunting but it seems doable and I am inching closer to the finish line that, when I started this journey, seemed barely even visible on the horizon.

It's a good feeling.

You know what's a bad feeling though? The massive, unrelenting headache I got this past Wednesday night.

You know what's ANOTHER GOOD feeling though? Getting a 'like' on one of the dating apps (yes, I went back) from a girl who actually seems kinda cool on her profile and that I actually seem to have (at least at first glance) a mental and physical attraction to. But I've played this game before. And it ain't the first time. Hell, it's one of the reasons I keep suspending the apps off and on in the first place. There's a connection, there's the beginning of a conversation, and then there's nothing. It's played out exactly that way several times since first getting back on the horse after my the separation. Why would this be any different?

Couple this with the fact that it was the very day I had this unrelenting headache. I came home from class gung-ho to get a head start on some labs that were due in a few days, but just collapsed into my bed and begged the universe to let me sleep off whatever demon boa constrictor had wrapped around my brain.

I saw the 'like,' I looked at the profile. The boa constrictor loosened its grip on my brain long enough for me to have some passing thoughts on the situation: "She's cute. She seems cool. Also, I'm dying. This shit seldom works out anyway so I'll respond to her later."

A few minutes go by and I remember that podcasts help put me to sleep sometimes. I grab the phone to load one up. A message. y brain pipes up again: "Shit. Okay. Well it's weird if I confirm the match and then say nothing, so I'll confirm the match tomorrow morn-oh shit never mind I just did it by accident." That fucking demon constrictor strikes again.

I respond. We chat. The conversation goes on much longer than any I've had on the apps since the first time I dove back into them post-separation (but that's not saying much). But the conversation was nice and it distracted me from my headache. She was present and she was funny and was engaged in the conversation, moreso than anyone else I had talked to on these apps in a long time, maybe ever. The conversation went on for a bit over an hour and then drifted to food in our respective locales. I took the opportunity to ask her out next weekend. She said yes.

What the fuck just happened?

Did I actually fall asleep while trying so desperately to get rid of this headache only for my mind to play a sick prank on me? Nope. This is just...a thing that's happening.

I'd gotten back onto the apps around mid-August, not too long after my August 14 entry here where I briefly talked about the idea of going back. At first I just had them there on the phone and didn't really use them, just waited to see if an occasional match would spring up that would catch my eye. It was infrequent. And when it did happen, it wasn't anything I was particularly interested in. As the weeks rolled on I started swiping a bit and trying to throw out the occasional 'like' or message on the apps that allowed such interaction. The results didn't change much. The occasional promising match, the exchange of a handful of messages, then silence.

These last couple weeks I was coming in hot. "I'm gonna try it" I told myself. "I'm gonna use up all the likes, and the swipes and send as many messages as I can and just do one last blitz. If it doesn't work out I'll jump back off the apps, at least until school is over." There were a precious few more matches than before, but the results were pretty much the same. Here I am, not even fully sure I know what I'm looking for or why I'm looking now, and then...Wednesday happens.

It was only two days ago, but we've been chatting a whole bunch since. And I've been in a good mood these last couple of days. But herein lies the caveat (because of course there is one): this COULD be nothing. The biggest mistake I made when I was first doing this online dating thing (several years ago when I was broken up with my eventual ex-wife for the first time) was getting too invested. There were at least a couple of times when I found myself anxious and excited for a date, only for the date to transpire and for the person to conclude that they weren't interested in me, or for me to conclude the same about them.

I have to prepare myself for that. I have to let myself know that this is a trial. I'm trying it out and hoping it works. And it might not. I haven't even met this person yet for god's sake. But the key here is finding a line. Striking a balance. Know what this is Joe. Know that it is fleeting. Know that it is as likely to disappoint as it is to go well. But enjoy it anyway. And I am. I'm enjoying it. I guess that's kinda the point of this shit right? I thought about it earlier today in the sense that if this doesn't work out, at least I'll have had this strange, fleeting high for the couple of weeks leading up to the date. I impressed a stranger. I was charming in some way. I'm capable of being interesting or attractive to someone. I dunno. It feels nice. The feeling might not last. But I guess it's okay to hope it does? I've been in this same situation a few times before and I've hit the same damn adage every time. PREPARE for the worst.

But fucking....just...hope for the best.

Right?

#life of joe #not so daily journal #online dating

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enthusiasticharry · 4 years ago

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𝐅𝐈𝐂 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐓 | 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓: 6.7k

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 : i feel like i've been waiting years for this to happen when it has only been a few months or so but here it is! feels like home is finally here and i couldn't be more excited. this fic is literally like my child, just like checkmate was, but it does hit closer to home because there are some subjects and topics discusses that are things that happened to me or close to me, so i feel as though i have to protect it with my entire life. but please, do enjoy this not so brief introduction to feels like home, christian and luisa and their little world.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 : explicit language, mentions of anxiety, depression and heavy injury. mentions of a car crash.

𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐨𝐟 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐎𝐍𝐄 here

“Christian!” The sound of her name rings through the entire Bed and Breakfast with how loud her sister screams it.

“What?”

“Have you seen my phone?” Christian sighs, leaning over the table that she was sat at to grab Luisa’s phone that was on the other side, holding it out for her sister. Luisa manoeuvres her wheelchair to the side of the table, “Thank you!”

“Welcome.” Christian mutters, leaning her chin back onto the palm of her hand as she scrolls through the Lodge’s booking system.

The booking system, apart from a few weekend bookings from the odd elderly couple, was completely empty. September was always quite a slow time of the year for the Lodge, and the sisters had found that out the hard way last year, during their first year of being open, when nobody booked anything for the entire month. From what Christian remembers, there were only two walk-in customer’s during the month and they only stayed for a night or so. The fact that they only had two bookings didn’t cause her to worry as much as she did the year prior though, because they had just had the biggest summer that they could ever imagine, and it was only their second year of fully being in business.

It had always been Luisa Flores’ dream to own her own Bed and Breakfast, but Christian had never, ever thought that she would be right beside her when she did it, but, she wouldn’t change it for the world now — she really wouldn’t.

Four years ago the sisters were coming home in the back of a taxi after going out for the night with their friends. They were drunk, but they weren’t driving and they never would whilst intoxicated, but they soon found out halfway through their journey that not everyone is the same. The driver hit the taxi that the Flores sisters were in on the right side as they drove through a junction, and completely destroyed Luisa and the driver’s side of the car. Christian doesn’t remember much from the accident apart from seeing a flashing light from the right side of her and then waking up in a hospital bed with her neck in a neck brace.

All she could think about was whether or not her sister was alive, and when none of the doctors would answer her Christian felt her entire world crumble around her. Even when her parents came, all they had been told was that Luisa had been rushed into emergency surgery and a doctor would be with them after to explain what was going on. Whilst they were waiting, Christian’s doctor came in and explained that she was going to have a scan and some x-rays to check that everything was alright with her. The results came back that Christian had three broken ribs and that her right arm had been fractured in three different places, but apart from that it was all cuts and bruises and she would make a full recovery.

Luisa, on the other hand, hadn’t been so lucky. Due to the car hitting them on her side, it had done unimaginable damage that Christian could only wish to take away from her sister. Luisa had lost one of her legs in the accident and lost all movement in the other, causing her to be wheelchair bound for the rest of her life. It changed their lives forever, and all Christian could ever think was that she should’ve sat on that side, not her sister.

If the accident did anything to their family, it brought them closer together. They had been talking one night whilst watching Gossip Girl for the thousandth time and Christian had brought up that when they were younger, all Luisa would ever talk about was owning her own Bed and Breakfast in the Lake District. At first, Luisa had dismissed the idea and said that it wouldn’t ever work because of her wheelchair and not being able to walk but if anything, it actually meant that Christian had more of a fire up her arse to make it happen for her sister. A lot of the things that Luisa wanted to do with her life she couldn’t anymore, but this thing, with Christian’s help, she could do.

They found the building that Little Lodge is now in a few months after deciding that they were going to start up their Bed and Breakfast and with help from their parents, they managed to get a deposit down and also managed to get themselves a mortgage. Before they knew it, they were opening their own little Bed and Breakfast.

It was a stressful experience at first, and Christian can’t lie and say that it isn’t stressful a lot nowadays as well, but it was certainly worse at the beginning. The majority of the time, Luisa did the front of house and Christian did everything else because it was just easier for the two of them and the dynamic of the Lodge. There was the odd time that the two of them would change their roles just to fit the situation but that was usually it. Christian loved the dynamic that they had created in Little Lodge more than anything else in her life. It was her new home, and she would never give it up, never.

“Have you heard anything from mamá about abuela?” Luisa asks after a few minutes or so, closing her phone and dropping it down onto her lap.

“No.” Christian shakes her head, swirling in the desk-chair that she was sat in so that she was facing her older-sister, “Mamá said that she’d message if there were any updates but I haven’t heard anything. Papá said that they’re still waiting for the scan results.”

“That’s shit.” Luisa adds and Christian nods her head, tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear, “She had the scan hours ago, didn’t she?”

“Papá said that abuela went in for the scan at around six this morning, and they’ve been waiting and waiting but nothing yet.”

Christian sighs and shrugs her shoulders whilst Luisa shakes her head. Christian and Luisa’s abuela still lived in Seville, where their mother is originally from and she had recently started to get quite sick so their parents decided that it was probably best that the two of them go and visit her for an extended amount of time whilst she had tests done and they figured out what was wrong with her. It was nerve-wracking for the girls, that they weren’t able to be with her family and check that their abuela was okay but they couldn’t leave the Lodge, and they just hoped that their abuela understood that.

“Ay Dios mio.” Luisa shakes her head again, “Mamá must be going out of her mind.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case.” Christian shrugs, “We’ve all seen how bad she’s gotten over the past few years. As much as I hate to admit it, I have a suspicion that it isn’t going to be the best news.”

“Christian!” Luisa raises one of her eyebrows as she looks at her younger sister, “Don’t think like that. We have to stay positive.”

Christian raises one of her eyebrows at her sister, “Positive? I’m just telling the truth, Lu.”

“I know you are.” Her sister pushes again, “But don’t you go saying that to mamá, that might be the end for her.”

“Like I would.” Christian leans forward and thumps her sister on the shoulder, but composes herself when she notices the last couple that they have staying in the Lodge for the summer make their way to the desk to check out. Luisa raises one of her eyebrows at Christian, who just responds to her sister with a roll of her eyes.

As the couple walk towards the front of the desk, Christian swivels around in her chair so that she’s facing the front again and offers them a large smile, “Morning, how are you both? Did you sleep well?”

“We did, thank you.” The man responds walking over and placing the keys to their room down on the counter, “Sad to be leaving, that’s for sure.”

“We’re sad to see you go, too.” Christian offers them a sad smile whilst she tries to find their booking on the system, “But I’m sure we’ll see you again, yeah?”

“Yeah, you certainly will.” The man laughs and Christian nods her head.

Christian sends their receipt to print and holds her hand out, waiting for the sheets to come out. Once they have, she staples their version together, and the Lodge’s versions together and opens them to the page they need to sign and passes them a pen.

“Can you sign on the dotted line and date, please?” She asks and the man nods, “It’s just a confirmation of payment and then you’ll get another one when we’ve cleaned the room and sent your deposit back.”

The man nods and signs the two pages before passing them back to Christian. She finishes the process and then gives them their receipt and wishes them a good day and safe travel. That was the last couple to leave the Lodge, and that meant that Summer was officially over and that they wouldn’t see as many customers as they had in a long time, probably not until October Half-Term when all of the schools in England broke up for a week. Once the door had closed behind them, Christian turned back to her sister who was looking at her with a silly smile on her face.

“What?”

“You’ve gotten better at that, you know?” Luisa says, moving forward so that she can slip underneath the desk with Christian, “You stuttered so much when we first opened.”

“That’s just ‘cos I was nervous.” Christian shrugs, “I didn’t want to fuck it up. Now, I don’t care. I don’t think I can fuck anything up.”

“Uh, let's agree to disagree with that one. There’s still things that you’d be able to fuck up. You get too nervous and word-vomit.”

“Thanks for reminding me of that, Lu. I really appreciate it.”

“Hey.” Luisa knocks Christian’s shoulder with hers, “What are sisters for?”

As far as a sibling relationship went, Christian and Luisa were as close as sisters could be. This had been both before and after the accident. There were only two years between them, and Christian sometimes wondered whether or not it was how close the two of them were in age that meant they were so close. They would do everything together when they were younger, and of course they had arguments and fought at little things that didn’t matter but at the end of the day they were still sisters. That was certainly one of the reasons why they made it through sorting out the Lodge without killing each other, because Christian doesn’t believe they’ve ever argued as much as they did when they were trying to sort the Lodge out, but they made it through without actually hitting one another which is better than they could say for before the accident.

They were minding their business when the computer pinged. It was loud, and it caused the two of them to sit up and stare at the screen with their eyebrows furrowed.

“Is that—?” Luisa asks.

“— I don’t know.” Christian leans forward and places her hand on the mouse, moving so that she could close the tab that she had opened and move to the booking-system app, which had been the one to make the noise.

“Has someone booked?” Luisa looked just as confused as Christian was and when she looked at the system, she saw that someone had actually booked.

As Christian flickered her eyes over the booking her mouth parted open in shock, “Holy shit.”

“What? What is it?” Luisa moves closer to Christian and focuses her eyes on the screen, “Ay Dios mio.”

Not only had someone booked in September of all months, but they had booked for the entire month. At first Christian thought that her eyes had been deceiving her and that this wasn’t the case at all. The more that she looked at the booking, the more that she realised that it was real and someone actually had booked to stay at their Lodge in the month of September.

“Holy Fuck.” Christian couldn’t help the profanities as they slipped from her lips, then parting in shock when she finally read the full confirmation.

Christian had expected to see that the booking would be for a few days, probably three at most, but when she saw that it was for the entire month. The entire fucking month, she felt her heart stop. Whoever this person was, H.Styles as the booking says, wanted to come and stay at their Lodge for the entire month. The most they’ve ever had was a week before, and that was during the height of summer when the kids were off school. To say that the two sisters were in shock would certainly be an understatement.

“Is this a joke?” Luisa asks, obviously just as dumbfounded as Christian at what she was looking at, “This can’t be real.”

“It looks like it.” Christian starts to scroll through the information that had been given, “The email, card. Everything.”

“You search him on Insta, I’ll do Facebook.”

Christian immediately takes her phone out and opens Instagram, typing in H.Styles to see if anything comes up, but it doesn’t. No matter how much Christian scrolls through all of the profiles that come up from the search as well. At the same time, one of these profiles could be of the person coming to stay at their Lodge in the next few days, Christian just didn’t know. After she closed her phone and placed it face down on the table, she looked up at Luisa who had her face too close to the screen of her own phone as she looked at something.

“Think you’ve found him?” Christian asks, leaning over her sister's shoulder to look at the profile that she was on.

“I don’t know.” Luisa mumbles, passing her phone to her sister, “Maybe this could be him.”

The profile that Luisa showed her sister was one of the profiles that look as if they aren’t used at all, but it’s actually just because they have a private account. The profile picture looked to be of a man, maybe around Christian’s age, or maybe Luisa’s but they couldn’t tell because the photo only showed the side of his face. From what Christian could also tell, the photo seemed to have been taken in a museum of some sort, and it looked almost serene.

“Could be.” Christian shrugs her shoulders, “I suppose we’ll know in two days.”

Luisa sighs and drops her head back, “I don’t think I’ll be able to wait that long.”

“Shut it.” Christian shakes her head, thwacking her sister on the shoulder, “Have a little patience. Why do you care anyway?”

“Well excuse me for being curious on who the person is who’s going to feed us in September and October.” Luisa shakes her head before moving herself backwards, “I’m going to check some things with Yani, are you going to be okay?”

“I’ll be fine.” Christian shrugs her shoulders, giving her a small smile, “Have fun. Let me know if you hear anything about abuela.”

“Same to you.”

Christian gives her sister one last smile as she ventures back inside and towards the kitchen, before she places her attention back onto the booking in front of her. This was certainly going to be one for the record books, whether Christian and Luisa knew that yet or not.

As Christian sat drinking the coffee that she had made herself a few minutes prior, she quickly realised that it probably wasn’t the best idea to drink coffee at a time like this.

Christian’s social anxiety certainly wasn’t as bad as it had been, but it still wasn’t the best. Christian’s mother has said from her being a young child that she can talk for England if it’s to someone who she knows and trusts, but the second that it’s to someone who she doesn’t know and doesn’t feel comfortable with, she’s nervous and awkward and will only speak if she’s spoken to. The accident certainly didn’t help, and for a while Christian only spoke to her family and doctors but she bounced back from that quicker than anyone could have imagined, and she guessed that was because of Little Lodge and how it brought Christian out of her comfort zone.

Just because Christian was better than she had been, it certainly didn’t mean that she was completely cured because that wasn’t the case, not even a little bit. She would still fumble on her words, albeit not as much as she used to, but it would still happen. More often than not Christian wouldn’t speak unless she was spoken to and she tries her hardest to stay away from social situations that she knew would stress her out, because that wasn’t good for anyone.

One of the little worries that she had picked up since opening the Lodge, though, was whenever they had somebody book online and Christian wasn’t distracted enough to not think about it, that would be all that she would think about. Sometimes she would get herself into some quite horrible states worrying about the types of people that were going to walk through their doors, but Christian had to remind herself that speculation isn’t the right thing to do and that she can’t let herself worry like that unless that is actually something to worry about — obviously that doesn’t mean she completely stops doing it.

That was one of the reasons why Christian hadn’t slept at all last night, and why when she woke up this morning she felt the need to make herself a large cup of coffee. The only thing was that the more caffeine that the girl drank, the more that her heart started to beat faster within her chest. At this moment in time, Christian didn’t know if it was more nerves or excitement that H.Styles was arriving today.

“You look like death.” Luisa says, as she stops her chair in front of the reception desk.

“Good morning to you too, Luisa.” Christian says sarcastically, lifting her eyes up from the screen to look directly at her sister, “Did you sleep well? Are you excited for today? How are you?”

“Yeah, yeah I get it.” She shakes her head and places her hands on the desk, “Did you sleep at all last night?”

“As you lovingly pointed out, I look like death, so no, I didn’t.” Christian explains, unable to stop herself from letting out a large yawn.

“You need to sleep, Chris.” Luisa shakes her head, “I get that you worry but it certainly isn’t worth losing sleep over.”

“I know.” Christian offers her sister a small smile, “I’m not gonna be able to ever stop doing it, I hope you know that.”

“I know.” Luisa nods her head, “And I’m sure you know that I’m going to keep telling you that you look like death.”

Christian grins, “I wouldn’t expect anything else.”

Luisa’s phone pings before she can say anything else, and Christian knows that it’s probably time for her to leave. Luisa and her girlfriend, Elsa, have had this day planned as their date day for a long time, and Christian wasn’t going to let anything get in the way of their day.

Luisa and Elsa have been together for three years now. They met when Luisa went away to Sweden for a few weeks with her friends from school. Elsa had been visiting her family and they met through a confusing line of mutual friends that Christian had very little interest in learning about. All Christian cared about was that her sister was happy, and if Elsa was the person to do that then that was all Christian wanted in life. When the accident happened, Luisa had been worried that Elsa wouldn’t want to be with her anymore, and no matter how many times Christian reassured her sister that Elsa wouldn’t do that and that she loved her, Luisa just believed that wasn’t the case. As Christian had reassured her sister, Elsa didn’t leave. In fact, Elsa did everything that she could to help Luisa.

For Christian, Luisa and Elsa were the epitome of what she wanted in life. She wanted someone to look at her the way they look at each other, and love her like they love each other.

“El’s here.” Luisa grinned as she looked at her sister again, “Are you sure you’re going to be okay? We can stay if you want, go out later.”

“No!” Christian exclaimed, shaking her head, “You’re not cancelling because of this. I’ll be fine. You two enjoy yourself.”

Luisa looks at her sister and raises one of her eyebrows, “Are you sure?”

“I’m positive.”

“Completely positive?”

“Luisa!” Christian exclaims, shaking her head, “Go to your girlfriend, everything will be fine.”

“Okay.” Christian stood up and made her way towards her sister, pressing a kiss to her cheek and then making her way over to the door and opening it for her. Christian can see Elsa’s car parked at the end of the street and she smiles at the sight, “I’ll see you later. Message me if you need me.”

“Will do. Have fun.”

Christian watches for a little while longer, just checking that Luisa actually makes it to Elsa. Once she sees the car door open and Elsa steps out, Christian takes it as her cue to go back inside. There aren’t any guests staying at the Lodge at this exact time, so it feels a little odd to Christian that someone will be coming tonight and that they’re going to be staying for the entire month, and be the only guest that they have for a while.

Yesterday, seeing as though it was the only day that Christian had been given to prepare, she made a start on deciding which room she was going to give H.Styles and started to get it ready. Luisa had spent the day at reception so that Christian could do that, only face-timing her every once in a while so that she could see what Christian was doing to the rooms.

A part of Christian often felt guilty when it came to the two rooms that were on the upper floor of the Lodge. They were the largest and fanciest rooms in Christian’s opinion, but due to the narrow staircase Luisa had never been able to go up and see them in real life so she had to settle for Christian’s shaky camera work on facetime.

Christian had to choose between rooms Seda and Luz which were both nice for different reasons. She supposes that she is biased because she designed these rooms and helped decorate them more as her own than the rooms downstairs. Due to Luisa not being able to go up to decorate the rooms, Christian had basically been given free reign of the rooms to do whatever she wanted with them. When it came to the names of the rooms, Seda and Luz, which mean silk and light in Spanish, Christian knew that she wanted to incorporate some form of each of the words into the decoration of the room.

When it came to Seda, Christian made the main colour combination in the room a dark grey and peach colour and incorporated the silk in with the curtains and the cushions that were used as decoration. Everything matches and isn’t too cluttered in the rooms, which is one of the things that Christian loves about being able to decorate her own rooms. The second room, Luz, she decided to make the accents in the room navy blue, including an accent wall which was a pain in Christian’s arse to paint, but once it was finished it really did bring the room together. The vocal point of the room, though, had to be the different exposed light bulbs that light up the room: there were three on the ceiling, and other lamps assorted throughout the room.

Christian had ended up cleaning and making sure that both rooms were adequate. She changed the sheets, hoovered, placed down fresh towels, dusted and did basically everything else that she could to not only distract herself but make the rooms ready for when H.Styles arrived.

Luisa always used to say, whenever they spoke about the Bed and Breakfast that she were going to own before the accident happened, that she reckoned that the cleaning and the upkeep portion would be the worst and for a while Christian thought the same, but she quickly came to realise that truly wasn’t the case. Christian loved to clean and make sure that everything was tidy for whenever the guests arrived and after having a little more thought about it, Christian believed that the reason she enjoyed cleaning was because it gave her time to relax and not think about everything else in her life. She often had her headphones on with music playing, or maybe even a podcast every now and then. Christian couldn’t exactly pinpoint the exact moment in her life where she became an old woman, but she couldn’t say that she minded.

She decided that the best thing that she could do is wait until H.Styles arrived for her to make any decisions about which room she thought would be the best. Of course, Christian wouldn’t know anything about him by just checking him in she would at least be given a slight indication of which room he may enjoy more.

Christian had no idea what time H.Styles would be arriving, and that was one of the things that was creating a bit of suspense. She was checking their books and making sure everything was in line and at any given second he could arrive and she would meet the person who had booked to stay there for the entire month. Christian believed that maybe that was why she spent a lot of her time wondering about who was coming to stay with them, because who would need to stay in their little corner of the Lake District for that amount of time, who would need to do that?

If there was one thing that Christian certainly wasn’t doing it was complaining. This man, whoever he was and for whatever reasons he was doing this, would be paying their bills and giving them enough money to keep themselves going for a little while longer, or at least until October Half-Term.

Christian quickly learnt that there wasn’t going to be much for her to do but sit and wait, and due to her being on her own in the Lodge, she saw no issues with connecting her phone to her speakers and blasting out music into the room. Luisa always said that Christian had a weird taste in music, but Christian just said that it was eclectic.

The thing about Christian, especially when it came to her music, was that she listened to everything. If someone recommended a song, she’d listen to it, and if she liked that song then she’d listen to it again and again. She would never say that she wouldn’t listen to a song just because it’s country, or that she doesn’t like this artist very much so she won’t listen to it either. If a song is a good song, and she likes it, then she’d listen to it. That did mean that Christian’s playlists were a little all over the place, and no matter how hard she tried to organise them, it just wasn’t possible.

Don’t Go Breaking My Heart by Elton John was the song blasting through the speakers at this time, a classic if Christian said so herself. She had done everything work wise that she needed to do, so she spent her time reading one of the books that she had picked up from the bookstore in the village: one about love, death and everything in between. It was good, but it wasn’t one of her favourites, but she’d definitely finish reading it just to see how it ended.

She was completely submerged in the words on the page, and the words floating around her ears when the door opened. In fact, she hadn’t noticed the man walking closer to the desk until she saw movement from over the pages of her book which caused her lips to part open in shock slightly. Her eyes flickered to the time on the computer, and it read that it was just past one in the afternoon, and she was shocked to say the least that he was already there.

Christian abandoned her book and threw it down, hoping that she’d at least get to remember where she was in the book because the pages had closed, and clicked her phone on so she could pause the music. Her eyes then flickered up to the man who was standing above her, and she couldn’t help her lips parting as she then looked him up and down. She was trying not to stare, she really was, but she wasn’t doing a very good job of it to say the least.

From what Christian could see, he was wearing a denim flat-cap on his head with brown curls peeking out of the bottom. He was also wearing sunglasses over his eyes, but she watched him take them off and they were now placed on the top of the reception desk. She could only see just under his chest, but he was wearing a red and blue striped shirt and a blue jacket. Christian couldn’t help but wonder whether or not he liked the colour blue, since he was wearing quite a lot of it.

“Hi.” Christian couldn’t help the sheepish smile that crossed her lips as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, “Sorry about that, how can I help you?”

“M’Harry.” The man says, shrugging his shoulders slightly as he does so. Harry, “I made a booking a few days ago, I’m here to check in.”

Christian nods her head, “I’ll just get that up for you."

She wiggles the mouse to wake the computer up and quickly types in the password so that their systems come back up. Christian’s a little embarrassed to say the least that their systems weren’t already up but she wasn’t expecting him to arrive yet, so she hadn’t prepared for it. Once the system is loaded up and she has his booking, she offers him another smile.

One of the things that Christian had prepared though was the bill that he has to sign beforehand with the deposit on it that states that he’ll get the deposit money back if the room is left unharmed.

“Can you sign and date on the dotted line, please?” She asks, giving him the sheet of paper and a pan. She watches as he signs H.Styles, in a beautiful penmanship if she does say so herself, and then passes back to her.

She clicks a few more buttons on the computer before opening the drawer and starting to flicker through the keys, “One room, for thirty nights.”

Christian tries to hide the shock in her voice when she says how long he’s staying but she certainly doesn’t do a good job of it. As Christian flickered through the keys, she finally landed on the one that she had been waiting for, the one for Luz. It seemed like an obvious choice in Christian’s mind when she saw what he was wearing to pick Luz, so that’s the one she decided upon.

“That’s right.” Harry nods his head.

“Great.” Christian sighs with a smile on her face, trying her hardest not to make the situation more awkward than it was, “I’ll, uh, show you to your room.”

He nods his head and she watches as he picks up the suitcases that she hadn’t even noticed he had with him and followed her towards the staircase. She was starting to feel a little uncomfortable at the fact that he was walking behind her, watching her and she couldn’t see what his face looked like. That was certainly why, and not because she had noticed that he had quite the handsome face.

Once she made it up to Luz, and she had turned the light switch on so that they wouldn’t be fumbling around in the dark trying to find where they were going, she used the key in her hand to open the door. Christian walked in first, just because there wasn’t enough room on the narrow landing for them both to stand and manoeuvre around each other — Christian had learnt that the hard way.

She placed the key on the cabinet in the room, and then turned to look at Harry who had just placed his suitcases down on the ground. He looked around the room for a little while and then moved to the window, looking out before turning to Christian.

“It’s lovely.”

Christian nodded her head in thanks, “Breakfast is from seven to nine everyday in the conservatory. I’ll, uh, leave you to get settled in and I hope you enjoy your stay.”

“Thank you.”

The second Christian walks out of the room and closes the door behind her, she lets out a sigh of relief that she hadn’t even known she had been holding.

Christian messaged Luisa that he had arrived but she received no reply. She didn’t think too much of it, because she knew that whenever Elsa and Luisa were together they were so completely obsessed with each other that nothing can distract them. Luisa knows though that if she doesn’t give Christian an update of their whereabouts by five then Christian would start to worry — they had four hours before Christian would start to worry.

For a little while Christian didn’t put her music back on, and she listened to the creeks of the ceiling as Harry moved around above her.

He didn’t give anything away of who he was, or why he was there but at the same time Christian made no indication of wanting to know anything. If Luisa would have been here when he arrived, that would probably be a completely different story. Luisa would’ve gotten some information out of him, Christian knew it for certain. She wondered who he was, and what he was doing here, but she wouldn’t ask him.

When the creeks of the ceilings stopped and there wasn’t anything else for Christian to listen to, she turned her music back on and picked up her book. It took her a while to locate where she was, having just thrown it on the side earlier when she noticed that he was there but she soon found the page she was up to. The words, as much as Christian tried to digest them, just weren’t going into her head in the way that they had been.

Christian wasn’t playing the music as loud as she had been earlier, mainly because she wanted to hear and listen when he started moving again, and when he eventually came downstairs. He had to come down at some point, seeing as though he had to eat and even though they serve breakfast at the Lodge, they don't serve lunch or dinner just yet. It was something that Christian and Luisa had been looking into, but it takes more work than they could have ever imagined to make something like that work.

Around two hours after Harry first arrived, she heard movement upstairs and towards the landing that caused her heart to skip a beat. Christian quickly turned her music off, and managed to place her bookmark in her book before he walked into the reception. She tried not to make it obvious and she placed her hand on the mouse of her computer as though she had been doing something, but she wasn’t the best actress and she was sure that it was completely obvious what she had been doing.

He gave her a smile as he walked into the room and towards the desk, and she tried not to seem awkward when she gave him one back but she was sure that she’d failed at that too.

“Is everything okay?” She asks, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.

He nods his head, “Yeah, everything’s fine. I was just. . . I was just wondering whether you had any recommendations of places to eat.”

“Oh, uh, I do know of some good places.” She nods her head, “What food do you like? Then I know what to recommend.”

“I’ll eat anything, to be honest.” He chuckles, a smile crossing his lips. He had dimples.

“Uh, well, there’s a good Italian restaurant about a mile from here.” Christian shrugs, “I can call you a taxi, if you would like.”

“No, it’s fine.” He shrugs, “Have you got the postcode? Or some directions.”

“Yeah, it’s just down the road.” She points to the left, “If you go over the bridge and just follow the road for a mile or so, you can’t miss it. It’s called Galileo’s.”

“Thank you.” He smiles and turns to walk towards the door.

He opens the door and then moves to the side, stopping his actions. Christian furrows her eyebrows as she watches everything unfold. Luisa and Elsa walk through the opened door, smiling at Harry as they do so before turning to look at Christian with wide eyes. The two of them look over their shoulder and watch as the door shuts behind Harry as he leaves, and their eyes immediately fall to Christian again who’s looking at them with her teeth clamped firmly on her bottom lip.

“Oh. My. God.” Luisa slowly makes her way towards Christian, stopping when she’s finished saying the last word, “You failed to mention in your message that the man was basically a Greek God, Christ Christian.”

“Do you really think that me of all people would say that?” Christian sighs and shakes her head.

Elsa shakes her head, “Chris wouldn’t say that, Lu. You know that.”

Luisa accepts her girlfriend’s hand on her shoulder with a kiss, “Doesn’t mean it’s any less true though. Did he tell you anything?”

“His name is Harry.”

Luisa doesn’t blink as she looks at her sister, “That’s it? That’s all he said?”

“That’s all he said.” Christian nods her head, “He just came down to ask for a recommendation of places to eat and I told him to go to Galileo’s.”

“Jeez.” Elsa sucks a breath through her teeth and shakes her head, “Galileo’s? On the first night? Are you sure?”

“Galileo is harmless.” Christian shakes her head.

“He’s a nutcase.” Luisa sighs, shaking her head.

“He’s not.” Christian pouts, “He’s not around me, anyway.”

Elsa laughs and sits down on one of the couches that rest against the wall of the reception, “If he survive’s Galileo’s then he’ll survive staying here for an entire month, that’s for sure.”

“Hey!” Luisa whines, “We’re not that bad.”

“I’m not bad.” Christian’s quick to say after her sister, “You are though.”

“I’d watch your tone if I were you, missy.” Luisa says, lifting her hand up and pointing one of her fingers at her sister, “I’m still the older one in this situation.”

Elsa furrows her eyebrows and looks at her sister, “Are you sure about that?”

“Shut it, you.” Luisa shakes her head, turning her attention back to her sister, “If I were you, I’d just keep an eye on him. See if you can figure out anything about him.”

“I’m not going to stalk him, Luisa!”

“I wasn’t telling you to stalk him!” She exclaims back, “I was just telling you to observe, like a good host would.”

Elsa furrows her eyebrows from behind her girlfriend, “It sounds a lot like stalking to me.”

Luisa shakes her head, “I hate you both.”

Christian grins and tilts her head to the side, “You love us really.”

Although Christian would never admit it, watching and listening seemed like quite a good way of figuring out who this man was and why he was here. She wasn’t going to be stalking him though, just observing.

#first part of feels like home!! eek!!#harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles imagine #harry styles fic #harry styles fanfic #harry styles writing #harry styles x ofc #harry styles x oc #harry styles angst #harry styles fluff #harry styles smut #harry styles series #series

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a-mended-pact · 3 years ago

Text

Unsteady Keys: Chapter 6

Authors notes: This chapter is really short. I wasn't overly sure if this was a good stopping point or not for it. I also will not be posting the next couple of chapters for sometime. My messages and asks are always open.

Word count: 2,192

Part 5 Part 7

Warnings: I can't think of any for this exact chapter. If there is any please inform me.

Requests are open

I think her vision finally cleared because with the way her eyes flickered between Ethan and I. I knew one of us was in for a rude awakening and I certainly knew it wasn't me.

She moved before I could stop her and I winced at the impact of her palm to his face. The sound of it echoed off the walls in the seemingly abandoned office. My wife wasn't thinking like a federal agent and how that just crossed too many lines. She was thinking as herself and that probably wasn't a good thing.

'He trusted you! He invited you to our wedding and you were involved in kidnapping him!?! I can't believe this! You bastard! Why are you not in a holding cell?! Better yet, why are you not in an interrogation room!?' She was vibrating in my grasp as her voice got louder and louder. She was no longer filled with the overwhelming emotions she was dealing with earlier; she's now just one big bundle of rage.

I should be trying to stop her. I really should but it was so rare when she let her emotions get the better of her that I didn't wanna stop her. I was sorta enjoying it. That is until she turned to me and glared.

She shook with anger as she looked at me. Like a small puppy trying to hold in a bark. The longer she stared the more she shaked. She was trying to control herself. One of her rules that she made of her own choice was that she'd never yell at me. I told her how preposterous that was. Sometimes I deserve to get yelled at.

The rule was made due to past trauma of hers that definitely doesn't need to be brought up or discussed in front of Ethan. He didn't need anymore ammo to use against us. I'm not sure that he would but I couldn't take any chances. Not anymore then I already have anyway.

I had enough time to catch Ethan's gaze before I watched my wife storm out of Morgan's old office.

-----------------

I paced around the bullpen until Tara told me if I didn't stop I was gonna leave a tread mark in the carpet. I couldn't help but laugh. I sounded exhausted. I felt dead on my feet but I couldn't close my eyes. I knew that if I did all I would see was Spencer being hurt and tortured. Me being right there only to have him look at me like I meant nothing to him. Like I was nothing. Maybe I was but right now wasn't the time to dwell on that thought.

I looked at her and then at the board of all the victims. 'Do you think it's possible that what Reid said is true? That Ethan didn't have a choice? That Ethan isn't fully in on it? They were kidnapping and killing victims that look like me for Christ sake.' I turned away from the board and through my hands up in frustration before I let them fall to my sides. 'Is Lindsey Vaughn even in on this? We have an eye witness identifying Ethan and here he is walking about as a free man. All because he has Genius in there believing he is innocent!' I could feel my aggravation getting the better of me again.

My palm still stung from the slap I gave him earlier. I knew it wasn't protocol but I didn't care. He deserved it. All I wanted to do was scream. It wasn't fair. God I needed to sleep. I glanced at the analog clock on the wall. I've officially been up for 4 days now. Which honestly wasn't anything overly new. If I didn't take my medication regularly even without everything going in sleep would still eluded me. Insomnia is definitely a cunt. My mind never knew how to shut off. Playing records of things I didn't want to see or hear. It had been 4 days since a proper meal. I began to wonder when someone would notice and tell Emily to send me home.

A part of me hoped someone did another part just wanted to close this case and arrest all those involved. I was sick of Cat always having the upper hand on us in this case. I ran my hands over my face and sighed. I think it's time for a wake up call for our sleeping kitten.

____________________

When I came into view of Cat Adam's I saw that Spencer was already in there grilling her about what she'd done to Ethan. Asking if Lindsey was the true unsub all along. He was making assumptions completely based off the fact that he knew Ethan. I understood truly I did but he was being biased he can't seriously excuse that his college friend was a kidnapper. Whether being manipulated and played like a puppet on strings he was still a kidnapper and the victims deserved proper justice.

'So you're telling me that you're not the one behind this really Cathrine? I doubt that. I really do. He has photos of me in Mexico. Drugged laying next to Nadie Ramos dead! Don't tell me you had nothing to do with this and it was all just Lindsey!' His voice was nearly ruptured the speaker when I turned it on. He was so loud. He was so angry that I myself flinched. I don't see how she could just sit there looking at him unfazed as if this was normal for him.

I watched as she leaned forward making herself look like a viper ready to strike.

'Spencie If I knew Ethan being evolved would have you so worked up I would have done it sooner.' She smiled at him. 'I however did not plan on you being taken. You being apart of it like that wasn't part of the plan.' She leaned her head on her hand. That's when I realized he had taken off her restraints. What was he doing?

'My only goal was to make you squirm in discomfort as your precious wife went missing. With the chance of her being another victim on the side of the road. Ya know I don't go for the throat Baby boy. I go for the mind.' She laughed as she swiped his hair out of his face. He let her.

----------

I was furious with everything that had happened. Ethan being evolved I almost through me off the edge. Then her saying that the goal was for it to be Y/n and not me made me see red. I needed to remind myself that I needed to remain calm. If I didn't I wouldn't get anything out of her besides her lust filled obsession of me being angry with her.

To be honest I did think about playing into her desire for me. It would have been an easy choice. A simple one. I could have gotten away with it if it wasn't for the fact that my wife was already upset with me.

I didn't mean to do it but I did end up leaning into Cat's touch when she moved my hair out of my face. I was disgusted with myself. I was a better man than this. Yet here I was mesmerized by her eyes as they watched me with the curiosity of a wolf preying on sheep. Only I was a wolf in sheep's clothing.

How easy it would be to deduce Cat Adams into nothing but statistics and profiling. She wanted to have me squirm in misery but It would be so easy to have her broken and on her knees for me.

I pulled away immediately once I realized what I had done. 'You are threatening a federal agent not to mention you are an accomplice to what happened. Even if I wasn't the target. You still knew who took me and who else was involved and you still chose silence. '

A smirk formed on my face as I moved my chair closer to her. Pulling it around the metal table and on her side of it. I leaned in really close to her ear. To be fair I had no idea if anyone was watching or listening but I wasn't about to take anymore chances.

I gently moved her hair behind her ear as I leaned in closer to whisper. 'If anything would have happened to my wife or Ethan I would certainly be the one in an orange jumpsuit.' My hand slipped up to her throat not squeezing hard but with enough pressure to remind her of the time I had been this close to her last. 'I would watch the life drain from you and sleep well. I know how much you love when people see the resemblance between you and I.' My hand tightened before I slung it off her with such force she wobbled a little in her chair.

Cat watched me with her pupils dilated as she gently caressed the redding skin where my hand had been. 'If I didn't know any better Spencie I think you just like touching me.' The way she panted as she watched me made my skin crawl. I hated myself for thinking she was such an attractive specimen of a human being. Her mind intrigued me more than anyone I have ever met.

I wanted to pick apart her psyche. I wanted to know what made her tick. Besides her abandonment issues and lack of empathy because she was never shown any kindness a day in her life. Even if she was shown some form of kindness I'm sure she didn't know what to do with it. She probably shut herself down from it. Most likely abused by someone in her life. She was just like every other unsub so why did I crave her so much more.

I couldn't figure out my attraction to her after all these years. Sure she held a very natural beauty to her but she was nothing compare to Y/n who could strut around her hair a mess and stains on her clothes and still pull me in as if she were the gravity holding me to this earth.

I realized then one of my biggest mistakes of the last few days as my wife walked in leaning herself against the wall with her arms crossed. I could tell the moment I walked into the bureau that she hadn't been sleeping. I also knew from her mental state that she in fact hadn't been taking her medication.

I sighed more at myself than to her. 'Love you shouldn't be in here. If anything you should be at home resting and taking care of yourself.' I turned to lock eyes with her only she wasn't looking at me. She was looking at Cat Adams.

'You know it's been a couple of hours since you and I spoke. I was hoping you'd be willing to share some info but I see you've been busy.' As she spoke her eyes never left Cat.

I was surprised to watch the manipulative woman squirm under anyone's gaze. 'So here's the thing Catherine. I'm done playing nice and pretending like I'm not steps ahead of you already.'

My wife strutted to her, swaying her hips from side to side in a confident manner. I was intrigued by what she meant but chose to keep my lips sealed. 'The truth is. You lost control over Lindsey the moment you didn't want to hurt your precious Spencie and she didn't like that fact. She was in love with you and you betrayed her by trying to keep the federal agent she hated safe. The moment you brought Ethan in and had him take women that looked like me was the moment you fully and completely lost control over her. By then she knew you would never truly hurt or kill Spencer because rather you understand it or not the desire you have was never to kill him. All you want is his precious attention to never leave you. Simply because you’ve never had anyone show you their undivided focus until he showed up.’ My eyes widened. I kept my head down as I listened. Clearly my wife was done playing by the original rules of Cat’s game. It was always mental but right now my wife was aiming for the verbal killing strike. I glanced up and I could see her eyes hold unshed tears as she sneered at Y/n.

‘It’s funny that you don’t even understand the reasoning you are so infatuated with the idea of Reid. You've never had a man show you attention that didn't want to use you. Spencer came into your life showing you with respect and you didn't know how to handle it because you didn't know what that felt like. It's a shame really. '

Y/n kept her face calm but I could see the blood dripping from her palms as her nails dug into them. She was deeply upset right now. I doubt she even noticed she was doing it.

Taglist:

@sassymoon @rainsong01 @onlyhereforthefanfics @itsdars

#criminal minds fanfiction #unsteady keys #criminal minds #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer x reader #spencer x you #spencer x y/n #yuki's babbles

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absinthemadness · 3 years ago

Note

Short fic prompt; Akuroku #9 or #40

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

#40 exes meeting again after not speaking for years au

CW: Physical abuse (mentioned, from a third party)

More under the cut for length

---

"You deserve better."

"There's no one better! And even if there was, I want you!" Roxas's voice rang out, even above the waves, out over the sand. "Why are you doing this to me, Axel!?"

---

Axel jerked awake with a sharp gasp, one sleepy hand coming up to wipe away the tears leaking out.

"Ax?" the figure next to him stirred, reaching out a hand to rub at his shoulder.

"Nightmare," he grumbled. He wasn't about to tell his boyfriend he'd been dreaming about his ex.

"Gonna be ok?"

"Yeah, go back to sleep," Axel soothed, reaching over to run a hand through his boyfriend's hair. "Night."

"Night, Ax." And the man rolled away, snuggling under the covers. His soft breathing resumed minutes later and Axel turned away. And he wondered

When had they stopped saying 'I love you?'

And why in the world was he dreaming about Roxas again. It had been… what? Six or seven years and one cross country move when he couldn't take the memories... the guilt anymore. But when he picked up his phone, knowing full well he wasn't getting any more sleep that night, there it was.

Roxas's face. His profile on some random social media thing. Older now, mid-twenties. And looking almost… world-weary, serious. In Axel's inbox sat an inconspicuous 'hey, how have you been?' that had popped up shortly after he'd accepted Roxas's friend request. And he'd closed it in fear, terrified of confronting his demons, laid out for all to see, in the light of day.

But now, in the creeping stillness of the night, with nothing but the faint echoes of the city, he started scrolling through Roxas's status updates. There were concerts, museums, the usual boring stuff. Sitting next to the button for pictures was one for life events and in curiosity he poked it, wondering if Roxas was one of those that used the feature. And to his surprise, he started to swipe through events.

Moved. Moved again, never leaving their small hometown. In a relationship.

Of course, Axel sighed, a person like Roxas wouldn't stay single forever.

Split up. In a relationship.

Engaged.

The breath rushed out of Axel. A wave of heat followed by a dousing of ice left him gasping for breath, surprised he didn't wake his boyfriend back up.

But there was more. He held his breath and flicked his thumb, expecting the next one to be married.

It was.

His heart gave an almost violent squeeze. What was the next one? Adopted a child? Bought a house in the suburbs? He had to know. He scrolled.

Divorced.

He blinked. Divorced? Within the year. What the hell had happened?

Pictures told much of the same story. Up until the divorce. And there was one of Roxas, the faintest hint of a smile, a bruise under one eye and holding a paper. The next was of him and a dark-haired girl who looked his age, not his… ex-husband. They were wearing party hats with a sign in the background proclaiming 'just divorced.' Two years ago.

Was… that why Roxas had gotten back in touch? He felt dirty for hoping. Surely Roxas had seen his 'in a relationship' status.

Besides, were two years enough to get over a divorce and an abusive relationship? Did Roxas not remember what Axel had accidentally done to him years ago?

He couldn't bring himself to reply to Roxas's message, but spent hours and hours, day after day, pouring over his profile, every picture, every ounce of Roxas's life he'd missed out on. Up until—

"I've… met someone, Axel." His boyfriend told him one evening. Axel noticed the bags by the door then. "And you're hung up on your hometown. On this Roxas person."

Axel waited for the pain and sadness. But there was an odd sense of relief. So they parted with hugs and muttered 'no hard feelings.'

He started packing the next day, putting most of his stuff in storage, turning in his notice to both the apartment and his job. Maybe he'd be back. Maybe he'd wind up staying.

He drove hundreds of miles knowing full well that Roxas could take one look at his face and tell him to go away. He could put his fist into Axel's nose, yell at him for leaving. But he had to try. He had to see Roxas. Had to talk to him.

Within a few days, he was driving onto familiar roads, and unsurprisingly the town hadn't changed much.

He looked everywhere for Roxas with no luck. He wasn't at his listed workplace. Axel wasn't sure where he lived now. So, exhausted he checked into the one hotel for an extended stay and passed out after checking in on social media.

---

The next day he went back out, running into old friend after old friend. At the grocery store, the diner, the main square. He met families, husbands, wives, kids. So many of them asked if he'd seen Roxas, but yet no one could tell him exactly where he was.

"He's been through a lot the past few years, I'm sure he'd be happy to see you again."

"He works up at the skate shop, but I think he's got today off."

"I swear I saw him at the skate park a couple of hours ago. You should go say hi."

"Axel! Oh man, Roxas is going to be so happy to see you!"

On and on. But it started to feel like he was following a phantom around town. He was always gone before Axel got there, leaving him to wonder if he was avoiding him or if it were just a case of bad timing.

But once the sun started to sink towards the horizon, he headed down to the beach… their beach and posted a picture of the sunset. And he stood there, hands in his pockets watching the fading sun, feeling eighteen again.

It was beautiful, shifting into deep reds and oranges. He hadn't seen anything like it in years, not since he left for the city.

"Nothing like sunsets on the beach, huh?"

He must have missed the crunch of footsteps drowned out by the ocean and nearly jumped out of his skin.

The voice was so achingly familiar, maybe a hint deeper. He turned, and there Roxas was, standing next to him. Just as short. Just as beautiful. Axel tugged his hands from his pockets, one halfway to Roxas's face before he let it fall to his side.

"Yeah, they really are." He turned back to the sunset but jumped again when a hand slid into his. "How'd you know where to find me?"

"Saw you were back in town, and then the sunset picture. Figured there'd be only one place to find you."

"Why come find me?"

"Because I've missed you," Roxas spoke like it was the simplest thing. The most obvious thing. "Besides, at least a dozen people mentioned you'd been around looking for me."

"I… saw what you've been through."

"Oh." His hand tightened around Axel's. "The marriage?"

"The divorce."

"He hit me," Roxas said with absolutely no emotion. "I ran when he broke a rib. Got a restraining order, then a divorce. He's in jail now."

"I wasn't going to ask," Axel mumbled.

"Everyone else does," Roxas whispered, barely audible over the waves. "Why come back? You used to talk..." He took a shaky breath, leaning into Axel's arm. "Used to talk about us getting out of here someday. I thought you hated it here."

"I thought I did too. Thought there were better things out there. But I only came to realize everything I cared about had been left behind." Axel's fingers tightened around Roxas's and he swallowed hard. "Can you ever forgive me?"

"Already did." There wasn't even a second of hesitation before Roxas brought Axel's hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to his skin, lips searing like fire.

Axel didn't ask why. Didn't ask how. He turned and cupped Roxas's jaw, tilting his head up in an old familiar gesture, to kiss him.

Roxas's arms came up to circle his neck, to hold them tight together and Axel couldn't help but picture Roxas, stretched up on his toes in the sand, just like old times.

They kissed until the sun disappeared, until the moon was high in the sky, before heading back into town, hand in hand to have a nice long talk.

#absinthe answers #absinthe writes #akuroku #cw physical abuse #cw abuse #maybe I'll put the full version up on ao3 #i wound up cutting the breakup and some other details #because it was getting stupid long

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sillyrabbit81 · 4 years ago

Text

Her Heavy Cross

Summary: Three years after tragedy hits, Lana she decides to start dating again. She meets Will through a dating app and they begin an online romance. After months of constant requests, Lana relents and agrees to meet and go on an irl date with Will. But is Will who he says he is? Lana is quickly pulled into an intense relationship forcing her to confront her tragic past. Will Lana face it or will she close her heart forever?

Pairing: OMC x OFC

Word Count: approx 3.8k

Warnings: swearing, angst, mentions of death,

Authors Note: The story started as a Henry Cavill fanfiction but I changed it to be an original character, but shades of Henry are still there. Hope you enjoy the story and thanks for reading.

Part 17 Part 19

Part 18

It was a crazy week, and by Wednesday, I had had enough and wanted it to be all over. It was the last day of school for the term. The kids were rowdy, and it was hard for them to concentrate. I gave up structured lessons after the morning session, and we did Easter craft. Still, even craft was hard for my kids. Most of them can't use scissors without assistance or had to use modified ones set into a wooden block. It wasn't a bludge, but it was much less stressful for both the kids and myself.

I had playground duty at lunchtime. Some of the older mainstream kids had heard about Liam, and a few would walk past me and sing the theme song to his superhero movies. Others would have a conversation with me and sneak in a movie quote. Lucky for me, most of Liam's films weren't appropriate for children, so there were only a few they could use. The kids would run away giggling, and I would shake my head. I wasn't upset by it, kids are kids, and at least they made their fun to my face.

The parents were awful. The mums would go quiet when I was near them, and I would hear laughter or whispering as I walked away. The dads looked at me just that little bit longer, making me feel uncomfortable. I just tried to remember Liam's arms around me, the way he made me feel safe in his arms. I found myself touching my earrings a lot. They soothed me.

The worst part was the other staff. Not all of them, just a couple of the younger ones and newer ones. Their eyes seemed to bore into me in the staff room and in meetings. The ones who had been here when Andy died were good. They appeared to be on the same page as Marla had been. The rest of the support class teachers and TA's were kind. They actually asked me to my face about it, seemed happy for me, and then that was it they moved on.

My boss, Michael, did call me into his office on Monday afternoon. He was good about it mostly, just concerned because apparently, the office staff had received a few phone calls from a couple of media outlets trying to get in contact with me. The staff were good enough to hang up on them. I was honest with Michael and said I didn't know what my plans were, just that we were dating. I did tell him about how it would be official on Thursday, but it worked out well because the office would be empty for two weeks, and by then, I'll be old news.

When I spoke to Liam on the phone, I had told him about how I was feeling. I was honest about it as much as I could be.

Liam was empathetic and seemed sincere when he said I didn't have to go. "If it's too much, we can wait for another time. The dress you have will be as good in a few months as it is now. Or we can return it all and try again later." Cheekily he said, "I'll let you keep the earrings."

I declined. I wanted to get it over with. I figured the quicker it was done, the quicker no one would care, and I can go back into hiding. It was like ripping off a band-aid. Just do it.

When I had gotten home from work on Tuesday, I had decided to do the hardest thing of all. I called Andy's mother.

Anthea was born in Greece and immigrated to Australia with her family in her early teens. She had met Andy's dad, Tim, a white Australian with Irish heritage, and they had a beautiful marriage. They had five children, three boys and two girls. Andy was the youngest son and was the unofficial favourite. She had always been lovely to me. She always called me Little Lana and would always hug me and insist I ate. On my birthday, she would make me galaktoboureko. She still calls me for my birthday and invites me over for Orthodox Easter and Christmas. I don't go, but I always make sure to call and send presents for my two godchildren.

"My Little Lana," Anthea gushed. "It is so good to hear from you. How are you going? Tim, Lana is on the phone! He will be so happy you called. Yes, Timothy, it's Lana. Yes, Tim says g'day. How are you? We miss you. How is work? How are your precious children? You do such good work, Little Lana."

Did I mention she talks a lot? She was one of those people who seemed to speak without having to take a breath.

"Hi Anthea, I'm doing well. Work is great, really good. I have a great bunch this year."

"Yes, you sound happy, Little Lana. Your new boyfriend must have something to do with it? He is very handsome. Not as handsome as Kamari mou but handsome. I showed all my friends, and they tell me you are still so beautiful and your hair is still so pretty and long. So long now. You've grown it."

I was stunned. I tried to talk, but the lump in my throat was so big, I couldn't swallow. I tried to say something, but all that came out was a huge sob, and I broke down.

"I'm sorry, Anthea, I am so sorry."

"Why are you crying? Stop it. Alana, why would I be upset? Why are you crying? Don't cry, silly girl. You should be happy. I do not expect you to be wearing black, like an old lady from my old country, for the rest of your life. I know you loved my son. but you're too young to grieve forever."

"I wanted to call you and tell you, but it happened so fast." I was still crying, but it wasn't so bad now. Anthea had comforted me in a way that I hadn't even known I needed. That she still loved me when I had started dating another man was incredible to me.

"You shhh, Little Lana. Listen to me. You have obviously called me for permission whether you know that's what you were doing or not. You have it, my blessing. Kamari mou wanted you to be happy also. He would not want you to be alone forever. You know this. Go speak to him, speak to Andy, and you will know."

"Thank you, Anthea."

"There now, Little Lana, you will be ok. Now no more speaking of sadness. I must tell you all the wonderful news. You will be an Aunty again soon."

Anthea talked to me for a little over an hour. Talking to Anthea was being talked at, but I needed it. I promised to call her again soon. She, of course, invited me to Easter but didn't expect a reply.

I felt lighter after talking to her. She was right. I had needed to know from her that she was ok with it. I don't know what I would have done if she hadn't been. I don't think I would have ended it with Liam. I think I was in too deep, but it would have been much harder to go on.

Anthea was right about something else too. I needed to talk to Andy.

So after school on Wednesday, I drove to the cemetery. I went and saw my Dad first. I didn't have much to say to him. I just sat there and let the memories come to me.

I remembered when I was six, and he shaved his moustache off, and I hadn't recognised him. I had run screaming to my Mum that there was a stranger in the house. I remembered how he would take us to see the fireworks on New Year's Eve, getting there early to get good spots and watch in awe as the fireworks exploded over Sydney Harbour. Nothing was as breathtaking as my home city on New Year's Eve. I thought about how he loved David Bowie, and he had even convinced my mother to name my brother after him. Dave and I had taken Dad to see David Bowie a few years before he passed away, and it was one of the most incredible nights of my life. The Labyrinth is still my favourite kid's movie, and Jareth was my first crush. He looked so good in those tights.

I went to see Andy. I don't see him very often. I go on Boxing Day, his birthday and our anniversary. As had become my ritual on those visits, I had his old phone and listened to his playlist. I laid down on the grass next to him and looked up at the sky. After a while, I started talking.

"Hey Butthead," I started, smiling as I said our private nickname. "I've got some things to tell you. First of all, I miss you. But surely you know that. And I know you know I will always love you. You were such a beacon in my life. A light for me when everything else was dark. I was like a moth to your flame. You drew me in, making me want to be close to you. You always made me feel like everything would be ok if I just stayed in your light. Things were so dark when you were taken from me. For so long, I felt nothing. Everything was dark.

"But then I started feeling better. I still missed you every day, but I wanted to find that again. Feel that love and safety again. I started dating about six months ago. Online mostly, you know, how the kids do it these days. I went on a few dates but felt nothing. Or if I did feel something, I felt like they weren't as good as you. Why would I settle for anyone who wasn't as good as you?

"I don't mean the same as you. I mean someone who moves me the way you did. Someone who showed me kindness like you did, someone who made me laugh, made me feel giddy. Someone I was attracted to. But also someone I wanted to do things for, someone who I wanted to go out of my way for, not because they forced me, but because I wanted to because I knew they would do it for me.

"I was about to give up. I only tried dating for a few months, but it felt so futile that I didn't care anymore. Then this guy started messaging me. He was sweet and funny, a Pom, but don't hold that against him. Anyway, I liked him instantly. It scared the shit out of me. I made him wait three months before I agreed to meet him. I was so scared because I knew I could fall for him.

"And when I met him, the sparks were there. It was instant. He was all the things I wanted. He's not like you. You're both very different. I mean, he doesn't like Mad Max for God's sake. But he makes me feel the way you made me feel. And Andy, I am falling for him."

*********************

"Lana, hold still." Jen was pulling my hair. I looked over at Riza, who was covering her mouth with a magazine. Her shaking shoulders gave her away, though, and I could see she was laughing her arse off. "I only have a couple more to do, and then you can go home and sleep."

I was at Riza's place. I had to see Jen after I spoke to Andy. Jen wanted to put my hair in pin curls. She had washed my hair and then got started pinning small sections of my already curly hair into curls.

I thought it was weird, but she said the hair has to be curled in the right direction for the style to work. She also said that the longer the curls were in, the better the result. That's why I was at her place, getting my hair done 24 hours before the event. How do celebrities live like this?

"How the hell am I going to sleep in this?" Riza's dropped all pretence and was laughing openly at me now. "Get bent, Riza."

"Hey! You're the one who looks like a 1950's housewife right now."

"1940's babe," Jen admonished. "Get it right."

When she finished, she wrapped my hair in a silk scarf. "Did you buy me an apron to go with the barefoot in the kitchen look?" I asked.

Jen laughed. She knew me well enough to know it was a joke. "Trust me. You're gonna love it."

"So when do I take the clips out?" I asked Jen.

"Not until I do your hair."

My eyes bulged. "I'm going to Liam's place hours before you're going to get there."

Riza pissed herself laughing, and Jen just said, "trust me."

When I got in bed, I rang Liam. I Facetimed him. Maybe if he laughs at me now, he won't laugh at me when I'm there, which would break my heart. His reaction surprised me.

"Why are you wearing a scarf? Please tell me you didn't dye your hair." He looked devastated.

"And what if I did?" I asked.

"You would still be you. It wouldn't change anything." He sputtered.

"Nice save," I laughed.

"I think being a redhead suits you. It makes you a little different."

I told Liam it was to protect the pin curls so they don't frizz. "You don't have to worry about me dying my hair until I start going white. I've never died my hair. It's my natural colour."

Liam's lip twitched. "I've noticed." He said.

I could have died.

On Thursday morning, I skipped the gym for obvious reasons, showered carefully so as not to wet my hair and started to get ready. I packed my bag and packed a bag for Perrin with his bed, crate, and food. I did a quick run through the shops to the dressmaker to pick the dress up from the dressmaker and to buy underwear for the dress. I didn't need a bra, but I wasn't going without underpants.

In the morning, I pottered, waiting for lunchtime to arrive and for Liam to finish his half-day at work. I was so jittery I had dropped my coffee this morning, and the mug had smashed. Not having anything to do and waiting for hours made it all worse. I had to do something, so I painted my nails and watched Kill Bill Vol. 1.

The story took me over, and soon I was transported with the action and exceptional dialogue. I decided the only person who could convince me to be an actor would be Quentin. I even went and got out my "Written and Directed by Quentin Tarantino" hoodie for added comfort. When it was over, I did feel a little better and whistling the song from the movie, I got Perrin and went to Liam's.

By the time I got to Liam's house, the nerves had come back. I found it hard to concentrate and almost just walked Perrin into the backyard. I sighed and put Perrin on his leash and texted Liam that I was here, and walked to the park with Perrin. We had planned a way to introduce the dogs during the week. The snag was I had agreed to it before I knew about the hair situation. But I found an old bucket hat of Andy's that fit and hid most of my head. I still felt ridiculous, but at least the hat somewhat normal.

When I saw Liam, my heart leapt. I wanted to run to him, have him hold me, soothe away all the pain of the last week and fear of tonight. But we had to introduce the dogs first.

We walked to each other as Perrin and Cole had a little sniff of each other. There was no immediate dislike.

"Hello, Sweetheart." His voice took my breath away.

"Hi," I said.

"Cute hat."

"Arse." I was smiling, though.

"I've missed you," he smiled broadly.

I gave him a small smile.

Liam farrowed his eyebrows. "These two look like they are ok," he said. "Let's go for a walk, shall we?"

I nodded, and Liam leaned in and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek before we started to walk. We went side by side, keeping the dogs apart. Liam put his arm around my shoulder.

"You're very quiet this afternoon," he said after a few minutes.

"I'm nervous."

"About the dogs or tonight?" He asked. "Or something else?"

"Tonight." I felt like a petulant child with all these short remarks, but I couldn't give him anymore just yet. I let my head rest on his shoulder to try to let him know he wasn't the reason I was acting distant.

Liam squeezed me. "You'll be ok. You're going to be dressed beautifully and appropriately. No one is going to laugh at you. You'll see. Myra and Boyd are all excited to meet you. This is Myra's boyfriends first red carpet, too, so you won't be the only virgin." He paused and chuckled. "Although, I had better keep you two apart. He's a sparky? I think that's the word. I don't want him stealing you away from me. I know how much you love tradies."

I laughed. Liam had said all the right things in a few moments, and I felt calm again. At least calm enough that I can have a conversation. "Thanks, Liam," I said and kissed his cheek.

We walked for about half an hour. The dogs walked together for a bit. Perrin, being so old, was pretty laid back about the whole thing and Cole, while curious, just seemed happy to be making a new friend.

When we got back to Liam's house, we let them leashes off, and Perrin had a sniff around the yard. Cole either followed behind him or bounced around in front of him as if he were saying, "come look at this place over here."

While Perrin explored, Liam stood behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his chin on my shoulder. I laid my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes a moment, listening to the sounds of the city.

"You're such a good hugger," I told Liam as I turned around in his arms and put my arms around his neck. I buried my face into his shirt, seeking his warmth and familiar scent.

"A compliment. From you? With no sarcasm?" Liam teased. "It must be my lucky day."

"Just shut up and kiss me," I said, and I lifted my head to meet his. Our kisses were soft at first, but they became more than that very quickly.

Liam pulled away and said, "we aren't alone. Ryan is here." Liam suggested that Ryan stay with the dogs while we were out. He would be back on Sunday and Monday, too, to take Cole for a walk and play.

I sighed. "Riza will be here soon anyway. We better get these guys inside and settled."

We took the dogs inside and got them set up. Then and I met Ryan, who was working in Liam's study. I don't know what I expected from Ryan, but a Scottish Hercules was not it. He was at least as large as Liam, had dark hair and green eyes and although he paled in comparison to Liam, he was handsome and instantly likeable.

We shook hands, and he said, "it's nice to meet you, Lana. I've heard a lot about you, so it's nice to put a face to the name." His accent was noticeable but not thick, and he spoke with a confident calmness that must be essential in his job. He doesn't mention or look at my scarf, which is a relief. I smiled and said, "Same. I keep hearing all these names, so it's nice to meet finally."

Liam gets me to put Ryans number in my phone. He said I should call Ryan if I need to contact him if he's not reachable while filming. I look at Ryan, and he nods as he says, "it's my job."

I do it, but I roll my eyes. He's not my assistant.

We let Ryan get back to work, and we go out to my car to bring my stuff in. By the time I've set up Perrin's things and sorted out my put my bags away, Riza and Jen arrive.

Liam opened the door for them, and Riza stood stunned for a moment. "Damn, you're built like a brick shithouse." Riza was very petite, half a head shorter than me, so you'd think she'd be used to everyone being bigger than her.

Liam, bless his cotton socks, laughed and put his hand out. "You must be Riza."

Riza took his hand, "yeah, mate, how's it going?" Liam stood aside to let her come in. She was hauling a massive makeup case, and Liam offered to take it for her. I thought she would bristle at his offer, but instead, she just gave it to him.

I raised my eyebrows and tilted my head, indicating my surprise. She just shrugged and gave me a strange look, and looked straight back at him. Riza is a pocket rocket type and prefers to be seen as one of the boys a lot of times. Andy even invited her to his bucks weekend despite her being my maid of honour, so the whole interaction was unusual.

Jen came in and introduced herself to Liam, and it was a much more civilised exchange than Riza's.

I gave them both hugs and kisses on the cheek. "Thanks for doing this, Jen and you too, Riza."

"No worries," Riza said.

Liam offered them both some wine and looked at me to see if I wanted one. I agreed, and we all sat in the lounge room.

Riza grabbed my hand when Liam had his back turned, "Sorry Lans, I think I got star struck. I'm a fucking dickhead."

Jen and I laughed at her, and I said, "serves you right for taking the piss out of me last night."

Liam came back with glasses and a bottle of white wine and poured us all a drink before taking a seat next to me. He sat next to me, resting his arm on the lounge behind me and put his ankle on his knee. His foot bounced, and I looked at him, and it struck me that he was anxious.

I put my hand on his foot to soothe him and turned to Riza and said, "did I tell you that Liam planned a trip to Mt Hotham this winter? I think it was June? Queens Birthday weekend? Before your Mum comes. Anyway, Riza, you spent a few winters there. Got any ideas for some good runs?"

That was it, the two of them talked about skiing, and the tension in the air lifted. I even swapped seats with Riza and sat with Jen for a bit. Once I could tell Liam and Riza were comfortable with each other, I asked Liam where Jen could set up.

Liam said to go to the master on the third, and he went to get up to take us there. I told him Jen, and I could be fine, and he smiled at me and kept talking to Riza. Jen and I smiled at each other and went up to get ready.

Part 19

#original character #original fiction #romantic story #happy ever after

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