#I've been too stuck in perfectionism to do that for most things!!

[canon-autopsy]

I listened to the entirety of the magnus archives in a pretty short period of time, became obsessed, and now I've just restarted from the beginning bc I miss listening to it and holy shiiit jonny is a GENIUS FUCKING WRITER. like I knew this the first time around but now going back and listening to it while knowing everything is WILD what a fantastic fucking world he's created right from the start, and doing it all while the show was at its start when working with so little??? and serialized, being written as they went with only the broad layout of all 5 seasons laid out?? even being able to have 5 distinct arcs of story all planned out like that!! and back when they just had 3 dollars and a dream!! what an amazing fucking series

[hunter-sylvester]

Skullflower is Autistic: A Breakdown.

Buckle the fuck up.

Disclaimer: Don't take any of this too seriously.

Also all of this was written over a year ago with only minor edits. I'm just posting it now cause it's been rotting in my drafts and, like, fuck it.

I've wanted to try and make a comprehensive breakdown like this for a while just because I love these characters and very heavily interpret them all as autistic (with ADHD as well.) But this is just the perspective of one guy. And I probably overstate it but the fact that we can all have our own very personal interpretations about media is what's great about analysis & fandom.

Hunter Sylvester.

Yes I'm doing Hunter first, what do you think I am? Unbiased? Please.

Autistic Perfectionism. Hunter's autistic perfectionism is something I've mentioned before and somewhat struggle to describe satisfactorily. But to me the most obvious example is his inability to deal with the idea of Emily joining Skullfucker as a cellist. Obviously, there's the queer angle to this but I think two reasons can play a role at once. He's in love with Kevin so he doesn't want a girl that Kevin picked to be a part of their band. Additionally, I'd argue that he can't deal with the idea of having a girl cellist as their bass player because it in NO WAY fits the mental image that Hunter has in his mind of what he wanted Skullfucker to be. It doesn't match the perfect idea that he's dreamed of, that he holds onto for dear life, so he can't deal with it.

Hyperfixations. "Hunter's been into a lot of things since I've known him but he's stuck with metal longer than any of them." - Kevin. Need I say more? Well, I will anyway. The guy hyperfixates. I think the closest thing we have to a canon confirmed hyperfixation is Dungeons & Dragons. Because of what in my mind is a combination of Autism and ADHD in Hunter, they don't fully leave him. He still likes and plays D&D, but he's not as obsessed with it as he used to be when he made his dad buy him the most ridiculous game terrain that fucking lights up.

Special Interests. I think one of the easiest claims to make is that metal is a special interest for Hunter. He entrenches his entire life in it and reaches for it when a stressful situation happens to try and make himself feel more okay. (getting his hair cut off by Skip and relating his new look to Jason Newsted) It's clearly something that comforts him, having been obsessed with it ever since his mom left. Which, regardless of the specific circumstances, is a horridly stressful situation for any 12-13 year old.

Struggles with social interaction. He doesn't seem to have a lot of friends. He gets along with Robbie, Kevin (obviously) and the people he plays D&D with but that seems to be it. Especially whenever the situation gets very stressful, Hunter's mind immediately reaches for his comfort interest to try and make it through (or to lash out). He can't easily just be comfortable in a strange social situation. Or a strange situation in general.

Stims. Hunter stims by playing guitar. That's it, that's the whole point. And there's this little move:

Kevin Schlieb.

Neutrality. The way Kevin just takes Hunter and Emily as they are feels autistic to me.

Struggles with social interaction. And he clearly wants it to be easier for him. He wants to connect to people but he doesn't know how. It's not like he doesn't understand people. He does. He understands Hunter better than Hunter understands himself. "sometimes he's not so nice to people when he's uncomfortable" "You are afraid of everybody" "you treat everybody like shit and you make them hate you" But that understanding of how people think and work doesn't translate to his direct interactions with most of his peers. Maybe because he understands other neurodivergent people but not neurotypicals. The fact he does have a decent read on, at the very least, his best friend could also be indicative of the extra work Kevin has had to put in over the course of his life to try and understand people to begin with.

Directness. A lot of Kevin does feel direct to me. I suppose in a 'what you see is what you get' sort of way. He obviously has the whole protagonist thing going on which tends to end you up with pretty neutral, earnest and open characters.

Stims:

Emily Spector.

Gets overstimulated. Emily's outbursts could be attributed more to a struggle regulating her emotions. It's not a huge stretch to assume her mystery medication is a mood stabilizer. However, the idea of it being a combination of being overstimulated and then no longer being able to deal with her anger on top of the distress she's already feeling feels apt to me. This is a stretch, but, we only ever see her have outbursts at school. A nightmare environment for the stimuli sensitive. Emily is by far the character out of the main three we spend the least time with, which could easily explain my previous point away. We hardly see her out of school to begin with. But I think there can be merit in taking it as a part of the story, rather than an incidental effect of her being left by the wayside.

Black and white thinking. "So first you tell me that I should hate him, and now you want me to help him?" - Emily. No, he didn't say you should hate him, Emily. "You have every right to be mad- especially at Hunter!" - Kevin.

Directness. I mean she literally calls up Kevin to ask him if he wants to go fuck in a parking lot and more power to her. But it is very direct.

Struggles with social interaction. And apart from Skip & Co. having a particular hate-boner for Hunter, Emily might actually be the most widely ostracized for her lack of social finesse. Which would check out because society is brutally cruel to girls. Kevin is shown to have some positive interaction outside of the other two main characters, so is Hunter. And, yes, so is Emily. But it's only with the janitor of the school, who she is implied to have had previous interactions with. Having your only friend at school be the fucking janitor is not a neurotypical experience. I know I certainly got along easier with a handful of teachers than I did with my peers back when I was at school.

Whatever this is. Fam, I've BEEN there...but it's not neurotypical:

A 'little' note to end on: I want to state that I love all three of these character very dearly. I don't pretend that I don't have a favorite, but they are all amazing. There's various reasons why Metal Lords is such a comforting movie, but a big one, is that the characters act in a way that feels incredibly familiar. They act like me. They act like my autistic friends. We make weird facial expressions, we understand the world and each other through our interests. The way all of them talk feels so close to home. (The swearing is actually part of that. A lot of real people swear and over-censoring of that tends to bug me but that's kinda beside the point lmao)

[zsakuva]

hello! i love your works a lot (andrew and zaros, especially). i'm a fledgling writer and i really am in love with how you flesh out the characters and the world building is absolutely insane. how do you do that exactly? any tips? please take me as an apprentice xd thank you and have a nice day! 🌸

Thank you!

I could talk for hours when it comes to world-building. It's something that's exciting, fun, yet challenging, and there have been plenty of times where I've lost myself to research and ideas.

The way to world-build is dependent on what the main goal is and how deep down the rabbit hole you want to jump. I, unfortunately, like to dive pretty deep because I want to mould the present time of the story to its past as seamlessly as possible. However, try not to let yourself wander too far or you'll get stuck (like I've done on countless occasions). It's great for the writer to have an arsenal of information, but the most critical detail is allowing the story to breathe.

OUR WORLD, MODERN TIMES

For characters in our world, it's much easier to focus on their backstory. I always build motivations through their personality and history; without them, characters become two-dimensional and boring.

I'll use Andrew as an example.

Andrew is the first-born son and an older twin. Due to how he was raised, this alone provides a blueprint that can shape his personality:

A sense of leadership by caring for his younger brother, coupled with more responsibility as the eldest and smartest son (according to his parents).

Setting an example that their parents accept.

But what happens when the younger twin resents being compared? What happens when he begins to rebel, and Andrew is stuck between wanting to console and comfort his younger brother, but also uphold the role of the dutiful first-born son that their parents desire?

There will be conflict in his decisions, and regrets that continue into his adult life. Asking 'what ifs' is an amazing way to flesh out scenarios with multiple outcomes!

And then, when his parents noticed how proficient he was in academia, pushed Andrew. In so doing, he was:

Forced to study, and found acceptance through excelling. This likely created his need for perfectionism that later bled into every aspect of his life. However, it also transformed into him feeling inadequate whenever he wasn't working which informs why he works so hard regardless of what he does.

Isolated for majority of his childhood and teenage years. This stunted him socially, and even though he was able to experience some because of his twin, the lack of bonding, long-lasting relationships, and the knowledge of working through hardships damaged his ability to do so in adulthood. Pair this with him attending classes for older students (who were likely envious of his intelligence), and that forms a distrust of befriending people older than him.

Andrew's beliefs are all informed by what he was taught, and his experiences. This is only a little of the world-building I've done with him, but I hope that gives you some inspiration on where to start with your own!

A WHOLE NEW WORLD

When it involves a world outside our own, it's more difficult (yet way more fun) to build. You have free reign because the world is your own! Go crazy with it!

Again, dependent on the characters you're writing, you can start with something that is intrinsically linked with them and expand from there. For Zaros, the location's history is especially important because of his status, who he's surrounded by, and the relationship he has with Earis. As a character who is knowledgeable about a plethora of things, that means he would use such information; and that also requires its existence in the world-building notes!

I won't give much more away as his series is still ongoing, but with any character, there will more often than not be a motivation behind what they do and say. You don't need to outline the events of every birthday and holiday and what not. It's the events in which conflict arises that impact and change a character to define who they are in the present moment.

This was longer than I expected, but I hope this helps with your writing! Good luck!

[thyme-in-a-bubble]

Writing anon #1 here with a few questions! As usual please don’t reply if you don’t want to. :)

What kind of character would you suggest writing for? Characters I’m currently interested in or characters I know more about? Perhaps a mix? I’m a little afraid that if I write for the characters I’m currently fixated on I’ll lose interest in them for awhile. For example, I’m currently interested in Daredevil but I know more about the Avengers because I hyperfixated on them in high school.

Where/how do you find inspiration and motivation to write? 

Do you think someone could write a relationship without having experienced it themselves? (Like a romantic relationship) I would assume it would just take a lot of research and editing to make sure it’s fairly realistic. Just like when you writing something else you don’t have experience in (like writing a character being a doctor or barista if you don’t have experience with that.)

Like the second anon I have a lot of trouble with outlining and plots. I usually get an idea I would love to write but have no idea what to do with it. Like how to get to the idea/scene or where to go from it. I really should try actually outlining and taking my time. I also really need to get my brain to understand that drafts are okay and normal. (I struggle with perfectionism, but I’m working on it.)

I realize now how number three might come across. I am an adult not a minor. I just had an extremely sheltered life growing up and have spent the few years I’ve been an adult dealing with a few things that are out of my control. So I haven’t had a romantic relationship of my own, I have read a ton of x reader fanfics and watched a lot of romcoms. And number four isn’t a question. :) Thank you so much in advance!

I'd say write for someone you like, someone you're comfortable with, and if you don't feel like you know enough about them to begin writing then that's easily fixed! rewatch/reread/re-whatever the thing that they're from and pay extra close attention, do it however many times you'd like, take notes. wiki's about the characters can also be super helpful for a ton of those little facts. but at the end of the day, write for whoever you like, whoever will be super fun to write for, whoever will make you excited to write. also you don't have to just choose one or even be stuck if you ever wanna move on, you make up the rules.

inspiration? i find that everywhere. sure, a movie is an easy thing to get my mind hooked on a fantasy, but most of my stories have just come to me in very mundane things. I've leaned into my own life experiences for a lot of sad stories (also used it as a therapeutic tool). there is literally inspiration everywhere, you just gotta open your eyes and see it. that weird tree right outside your window? that could be enough inspiration to begin a whole book. and as for motivation? well, first of all I really enjoy the whole process, so that helps a ton. I'm also autistic and have very good concentration, so I can easily just disappear completely into my wip. I'm also really good at just having it in my routine, sitting down and writing when I have the most energy for it. when I'm working on something very long, that's when it can become harder to keep that flame alive, but I think I've worked out a good rhythm to keep it going and not loose the drive to work on it: first of all, a detailed outline and notes. making a proper routine with it, though also not beating yourself up if it's a bad day and you only reread the last page 50 times, but don't actually write anything new. I also try my best to stay in the world while I work on it. like for when i'm not sitting and actively writing it, then I listen to music that fits the theme or watch movies or shows that have the vibe.

I think that truly depends on the person. some people can and some people can't. I personally don't write about too many subjects I don't have experience in (though still some like for example murder and some of the jobs the characters have, but my imagination can get me far enough to make me comfortable tackling those subjects). so yeah, that's so individual whether someone can do that well or not.

from my understanding of you from the very limited interactions we've had, I'd say that it'll probably continue to be difficult while you're not getting enough sleep for your brain to function properly as well as some other stressful things I could imagine is also going on and perhaps is the cause of the sleep issues. a few things that helps my perfectionism is to say that this draft will only be read by me and no one else, to say that this is only a silly little fanfiction just for the lols and not a fancy leather-bound novel, and also to aim for it simply to be finished and not for it to be perfect. and sometimes when it comes to beginning, you'll just have to jump straight in with the attitude of an imaginative and playful child. also sitting down and being like "okay, I'm not allowed to do anything other then come up with a story. I'm allowed to sit here, look around at my surroundings, and push through the boredom till my brain comes up with a story to entertain me". don't be afraid of slowing down and embracing the stillness, that's always where my best stuff comes from. and plot stuff? that is a huge subject and I'm not sure what advice could be beneficial for you. it's one of those things where learning about it on a technical level can be helpful, but only to get the sense into your bones and then throwing those rules and patterns out of the window like they never existed to begin with and just letting the flow of the story lead you.

[hismercytomyjustice]

Ugh, coming to terms with the realization that my perfectionism is rooted in my OCD has not been fun, lol. It's good to know, but very much not fun. The panels I attended this past weekend at the conference were a great reminder about it too.

My OCD is just determined that if I figure out the best/right/most optimal way to do everything then I'll finally achieve peak executive functioning and life will be wonderful!

Why, yes I did also get a late ADHD diagnosis, why do you ask? •ᴗ•

Like I caught myself in an OCD perfectionism spiral today. Just a constant loop of "I need to do the dishes, I need to shower, I need to practice piano, I need to work, I need to finish my laundry, I need to take out the trash, etc." And then my brain proceeds to just jump through hoops trying to figure out the best way to do these things.

Because if I do the dishes or take out the trash, I'm probably going to want to wait to shower until after. But I also need to shower and I desperately want to. But then I just end up sitting there silently screaming in my head instead for longer than it would take to do any of that. It doesn't matter what order I do these things in. I need to just pick one and do it. But what if I don't pick the right one based on my current energy level/available time/etc?

I just get stuck ruminating on what I should be doing until I mentally wear myself out and do nothing. And then I feel awful for doing nothing and the things I need to do pile up even more. And it just creates this negative feedback loop where I'm just constantly thinking about all the things I need to do and then not doing them and becoming increasingly distressed about not doing them.

Even just basic stuff like "oh, I want to comment on all the fics I've read lately" because an exercise in "how long will that take, what constitutes as a good comment to leave, why didn't you just comment after you read them" etc. So then I don't. And then I feel awful because I know how much I enjoy getting comments.

Or even just "I want to read a book" spins into "But what book? You have so many books. Why did you buy so many books? You wasted so much money. You'll never read them all. What if you pick the wrong book to read and you don't like it? What if you bought a book you don't actually like? Why couldn't you just go to the library instead of wasting all this money? That's what libraries are for!" And so I just don't read anything! (╯°□°）╯Meanwhile I could've probably read all of them with how much time I've spent agonizing over the fact I want to read but haven't...

It is so dumb. And I know it's dumb. And it's better to do something than to do nothing. But try telling my OCD that lol. Ugh. The good news though is that this is specifically what I'm going to be working with my therapist on in our upcoming sessions. ERP to help myself get out of these perfectionism spirals I get caught in literally every day. Which feels like a wildly silly thing to need to do ERP for. But unfortunately OCD doesn't care about what's logical. It just knows I have an extreme fear of failure in all things and it loves sowing discord on that front.

Lol, also got brutally murdered by this slide this weekend:

[sincerely-sofie]

Check-in for October 24, 2023

I'm planning on doing regular check-ins that peeps can read or skip as much as they please. If you want to see behind the scenes of my projects or get to know me a bit better, feel free to peek below the cut! If not, just look at this color palette I made for my web dev class and admire it:

I know green and pink are my favorite colors, so I may be just a tad biased, but look!!! Look at how pretty it is!!!

I plan to use the palette for a website that is basically a guided tour of a fictional town that's populated by bug people, and while the colors used in the initial character sketches are still my preference, I don't think they look too bad in this proof of concept image! They definitely need some tweaking, and some details in the art itself need correcting, but all around it's not too shabby :>

I also made the logo for the website which, while uninspired, doesn't look that bad. I'm not in a logo design course, so I can't be too upset about that. I made two versions--- a light and dark one--- so that I could have it appear on most colors of background.

Also, I've printed off tons of art and stuck it on my walls over the past few days to inspire me. The art wall has been very successful in beautifying my space, but I've been a bit too worn out to draw much other than the start of a project where I draw individual generations of pokemon by memory. Venusaur looks exactly like I remembered it, but also nothing like that at all. Charizard's line only looks halfway decent by virtue of Twig existing.

I must say, though, that I am charmed by these drawings' doofy lil grins. Just look at Bulbasaur. He is raring to go! Charmander is ready to shake your hand! Look at these lads!!

I've been trying to learn Clip Studio Paint by drawing a new The Present is a Gift comic in it, but I cannot begin to explain to you all how intimidating of a program it is for me. I'm a Procreate gal, y'all. I have a conniption whenever I look at the Photoshop interface. When I look at this:

I am desperate for the cozy white space of this:

I spent over an hour struggling to draw a simple piece for Instagram, admittedly while desperately trying to get OBS to not give out on me while I recorded my screen, but I think that I'm slowly learning how to not faint whenever the Paint window boots up.

Anyhoo--- enjoy the WIP teaser for the upcoming comic featuring a chat between Dusknoir (piloting a KO'd Twig) and Darkrai amidst a cave-in. If I am found dead, know that said comic worked alongside Clip Studio Paint to kill me.

As an update for The Present is a Gift in terms of the fanfic, I recently broke 6,000 words for the first draft. I haven't been writing too regularly--- when I do, it's usually to just sit down for 30 minutes max to try and get a little bit of a head start on NaNoWriMo coming up--- but whenever I do, the words come in batches of 400-700+ at a time. My dudes, I used to take a week to reach the lower end of that amount. I've been beating perfectionism back with a stick while sobbing "Quantity begets quality! Quantity begets quality!", but since I've set myself a challenge to write as many garbage words as possible without editing them until the first draft is done, I've been writing--- and enjoying the process of writing--- more than I have in my entire life.

I've been trying to win NaNoWriMo, a challenge where you write 50k words in November, for the last 7 years. I resigned myself to being a NaNo rebel and trying to write just 15k words next month. But if I keep cranking out 1,500 words in under two writing sprints per day--- without properly trying to eliminate distractions--- I think I could actually win for once??? I didn't think Pokemon Mystery Dungeon fanfiction would be what gave me a fighting chance at winning NaNoWriMo, but here I am. PMD brainrot truly is a miraculous thing, but I'll have to see exactly miraculous it is on the 1st of November.

So... yep! I probably should have figured out a way to sign off on check-in posts before deciding to publish this. Oops. Welp. Um. Thanks for reading?

Sincerely, Sofie

[blysse-and-blunder]

in lieu of packing

11pm, saturday, july 15, 2023

the things i could be doing right now could fill multiple volumes, but i listened to a podcast today about academic (im)perfectionism and am deciding i don't need to feel guilty. this summer's Big European Travel starts tomorrow and I! am! nervois! but i've done some smaller trips recently which helped me work up to this in a way. further media and life musings below the cut.

reading i had a few weeks there where my recreational reading was... a little bleak, in that i was reading things that felt dated and/or formulaic and/or just put me straight to sleep, thereby meaning that i took much longer than i normally like to finish anything-- this was enlivened with two excellent new instalments from two different series i love, anne leckie's translation state and samantha shannon's a day of fallen night.

very very fun now thinking of these back to back. two books were so engrossing, built (and built on) such rich worlds, such good command of the vibes/atmosphere/tone they were going for, but so different! to sound like a book reviewer for a moment, leckie's prose is sort of lean where shannon's is lush, something like that. there's a joke in here based on the meme that goes 'sci-fi is where x, fantasy is where y' but i'm too tired to work it out myself. both of these books say-- so there are incomprehensible beings in your world which may wish to eat and/or destroy you, and some people have found ways to work or live with them, but it is very weird and alien to your way of life. day of fallen night feels more like a climate metaphor, and there is plenty that felt pulled straight from the psyche of the years 2020-2023. both do fun/interesting things with gender and relationships, and both made me want to go re-read their respective predecessors to heighten the feeling of connection and resonance with those other works.

watching mostly dimension 20-- i introduced @yogurtforever to fantasy high last week, and I myself have been working my way through the toy island arc of neverafter-- but here is the place to mention watching netflix's new documentary about WHAM!, of all things, with @yogurtforever and @thehibernatinglentil last weekend.

not being a documentary hound, i never would have watched this without friends, but it was genuinely quite fun! i didn't know a ton about wham! or george michael, which i now realize is a shame because there's a lot to know. making up for it by having the lyrics to their first hit single, the inimitable 'wham rap', stuck in my head for the next 200 years.

listening due in no small part to the wham! doc (and an mama mia 2 rewatch the week before that), i put on a lot of throwback music this week. it ended up being more 70s than 80s, and that got me thinking about how strongly my parents' music taste influenced mine. there are so many good artists from ~back then~ who i have found out about later, because we just didn't listen to them at home? and of the vinyl i remember finding in the basement, you know, it wasn't bowie, it wasn't fleetwood mac, it wasn't springsteen (it was james taylor and paul simon and probably joni mitchell). luckily, summer camp taught me all the lyrics to a bunch of other oldies, and we did listen to the radio oldies station quite a lot, so my education wasn't entirely deficient. i bring this week the don maclean song 'vincent', which i will be thinking a lot about for one reason and another this week.

playing i have, at long, long last, completed my stardew community center. it was a little anticlimactic, after all the travail that went into it, but i'm so pleased. it only took like two actual human real life years! the last thing i needed was a rabbit's foot, and now at last i feel like i can move to the next tier of game play. i remain unmarried, fighting for my life in skull cavern, but now with two small bunnies to love.

making trying to figure out how to eat most of the food i have in the fridge, how to use up things and make the most of what i have and not leave anything to spoil for the next little while, so i haven't really been cooking big projects. i've been 'making' appointments, got my eyes checked, had coffee with two different profs and chatted with a former student about her med school applications, and that's about it!

working on conference paper, which is both a slideshow (graphic design is my passion, this part is mostly fine) and a draft of what might turn into usable words for the chapter i'm working on. naturally i have built it up into the Biggest Scariest Most Important task, and so am avoiding it and finding it miserable to work on. and i still have time! i had wanted to not work on it on the plane, during my travel week, etc., but there is actually time. there's time. and i keep having small breakthroughs, after 2-5 hours of dicking around, which allow me to believe that there is an end in sight. other things to be worked on, for when i have some 'free' 'time'-- newsletter draft that's so very overdue, multiple students asking for detailed essay feedback and grade breakdowns, emails from students asking for other things, recommendation letter, the next chapter that i'm meant to be finishing this summer. luckily, it's a long plane ride.

[nekasu]

Multiverse Got Talent competition: Round 3!

For the third time, the kitsune had taken the stage, offering the audience a bow as he strolled along, twirling his cane all the while. "You know, falling one point short of the most famous magician in Fontaine isn't bad at all, I must say, but I think we can do better than that, can't we? That's why I've prepared something extra special for all of you!"

With a flourish of his cape, Neka drew the attention of the audience toward a tall, thin box, only slightly larger than himself…and roughly shoulder height. "So, I'm sure most of you are wondering that this box is for. I mean, with my illustrious tails, it's barely enough to even fit me at all in it! But fear not, ladies and gentlemen, I have ways of making things fit!"

Walking over to the front of the box, Neka opened it up, revealing that it was constructed like a miniscule room complete with a door. Deftly folding his tails around himself, he managed to squeeze himself into the box, closing the door and leaving only his head sticking up out the top. "Wow, it sure is a tight fit in here! I can't even move, which will make my next trick even harder to pull off. Now, I know minimalist houses are all the rage these days, but I bet you're all wondering just what I'm doing in here. The truth will be revealed momentarily!" The kitsune nodded toward an assistant in a fox mask who came over with a long box over their shoulder full of…swords?

As it became increasingly obvious what was about to happen, the assistant had already drawn one of the swords and driven it through the side of the box, allowing the audience to see it protruding from the other side. Other than letting out a small sigh, Neka gave no indication that he'd just been stabbeed. The assistant then proceeded to spin the box around--revealing it to be on a swiveling base-- and plug several more swords into each side of the box until their satchel was empty and the box was full of swords.

"Hm…" Neka mused to nobody in particular before talking to himself. "It's actually even harder to move now. As much as I'd like to leave the box, I'm afraid I'm stuck in place. I think we should fix that first." Taking the hint, the assistant came over and began to pull the swords out and return them to their proper container. By the time they'd all been removed, Neka was facing away from the audience when the front--the back from the audience's perspective. The creeking of the door opening filled the air as the kitsune extricatied himself and walked around to show he was fine…only to appear with one of the swords directly lodged in his chest.

He shot a glare at his assistant. "You missed one," Neka hissed as he turned toward them, showing that the blade did indeed come out his back. The audience was still too shocked to laugh, but at least it was clear that if he could chide the assistant for a seeming lack of perfectionalism, then he wasn't in any actual danger. "I guess I must do everything myself, hmph!" Reaching up to the sword's hilt, Neka promptly tugged the blade from his chest, slowly pulling it out. No blood surged forth from the space the sword used to occupy, nor did there seem to be any damage at all, even to this suit. It was as if there'd been no injury at all.

"Still less dangerous than some magic shows, I have to admit! But I thank you, one and all, from the bottom of my heart. You've been a lovely audience, and I look forward to performing here again sometime soon! Perhaps even sooner than you think if you wish to vote for me~" Giving a sweeping bow, Neka turned away and marched past the curtain toward backstage.

[voxasks]

🫐 wow, you seem good at reading people. Especially considering you can't even see the person. I'll participate too if that's alright. I'm 19, girl, I'm Australian. I'm not sure if I have much of a personality if I'm honest. People often think I'm boring, but that might be because I don't really speak with anyone for long enough for them to see what kind of person I am. I'm in 12. Grade so I'm focusing on my studies more than anything these days, although, I've always been that way. People usually get pissed off when I say this, because there are people who have way worse, but I genuinely feel like I'm at rock bottom if I get anything below a 100 grade wise. It's always been like that, ever since first grade. And no, it's not that my parents force me into having perfect grades or cutting off something from me when i don't get 100s. I just hate.. not being the best at school I guess? Does that make me narcissistic? Anyways, I don't have many friends. with most people, it's just hallway talk, like "hi how are you, good you, I'm good too, great". That type of thing. I don't really care for socializing. I feel like it just drags you back. People who rather hang out with their friends instead of doing something productive like working out or studying always end up with a worse grade than mine. And Frankly, I'm alright with having no friends. I'm peaceful in my own little bubble. I just want to do my best every time, get into the best university in my country and become a court judge one day.

“thank  you  my  dear,  reading  people  is  an  asset  that  greatly  serves  you  when  you’re  a  businessman  like  me.  now,  just  like  the  last  guy,  you’re  terrified  of  being  perceived  except  triple  that,  so  now  you  let  your  grades  speak  for  you.  ‘i  don’t  know  about  her  except  she  got  the  highest  grade  in  blah  blah  blah.’  ‘geez,  she  must  be  good.’  so  at  least  there’s  that.  you  believe  people  will  let  you  down  in  the  end  and  you  don’t  care  for  socializing  because  you  don’t  fit  into  the  status  quo  and  you  haven’t  met  another  person  who  actually  understands  what  you’re  trying  to  do.  you  want  to  achieve  great  things  and  people  just  call  you  ‘stuck  up’  for  always  putting  that  first  and  everyone  and  everything  else  second.  you  wanna  know  why  the  people  who  hang  out  with  others  end  up  getting  below  100%,  my  dear  viewer?  it’s  because  things  balance  out  in  the  end.  if  they  choose  their  friends,  their  appearance  and  their  grades,  all  of  them  will  have  to  give  because  their  attention  will  be  divided.  you,  on  the  other  hand,  give  your  grades  100%,  so  you  get  100%  in  return.  you’re  literally  that  one  marina  and  the  diamonds  song  that  goes,  ‘one  track  mind  and  one  track  heart.’   this  isn’t  entirely  a  diss,  i’m  the  same  with  voxtek.  some  people  are  satisfied  with  that,  some  are  not.  but  i  promise  you,  there  is  more  to  life  than  hating  people  for  simply  choosing  more  things  to  focus  on  in  life  other  than  just  their  grades  or  careers,  or  you  know,  letting  your  grades  become  your  one  personality  trait,  at  least  in  other  people’s  eyes.  perfectionism  will  fuck  you  over  in  the  end.  trust  me.  you’ll  only  desire  to  live  when  you  realize  it’s  too  late.”

based off of the 200 follower event.

“🫐 — tell vox about yourself and he’ll say his inner thoughts about you.”

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hello, I am INFX, 21 y.o. After reading your blog, taking some tests and understanding functions (hopefully) a little better, I narrowed down my options to INFP and INFJ. If you are able to, I would gladly use your help in determining my type. As for important information: I have a generalized anxiety disorder, I had depression for several years and I am still prone to depressive episodes. English is not my first language.

I will start with INFP functional stack. Fi Dom: I have a fuzzy sense of identity, which is why I often don't know what I like or dislike, get stuck, don't trust my gut feelings, rely on others a lot in decision-making processes. I do tend to judge things as either good or bad depending on my beliefs, but the beliefs are weak. I don't trust them unless they are built on a solid framework of knowledge and evidence. I need to know rather than believe. My emotions emerge seemingly from nowhere. I can't identify what's the reason for them and how to deal with them. But for some reason I still think I make decisions relying on my emotions, it's just that if I always relied on them it would do more harm than good.

Te Inf: I have trouble understanding Te. I know Te is about external structure. Actually I rarely encounter extremely messy lifestyle as in Fi extreme and I can plan things decently, even if I don't like doing so. Structure helps me and I need it in order not to become chaotic, so I always have an agenda and don't like it when plans are cancelled. Especially in recent years I got better at structuring my life. Most of the time I know what to do to solve my problems, I just don't want to do it. So I don't think I've ever encountered Te grip (at least not from what I'm aware of). At my lowest points I did have trouble to take care of myself but I attribute it to depression.

Ne Aux: Ne is one of the few functions I can decently use and understand in a positive way. I often look for new activities to participate in, new hobbies (especially creative ones). I have 300+ tabs open at all times because I research many different topics at once. I can generate creative ideas (usually for my art) with the help of sensory experience (such as music). Often manifests in unhealthy ways - I use daydreaming to escape responsibilities.

I can find a lot of opportunities but I don't indulge in them or follow through, which makes my interests shallow. I like making lists (of albums to listen, movies to watch, stuff to draw, things to do in general), but I rarely do what's in those lists. I'd rather daydream about it than actually do something. This is one of my greatest struggles, because I have ideas and inspirations but they always stay in my head or on paper and never come to fruition.

What makes me think Ne is my Aux rather than Dom is that I am very risk-averse and not very extraverted (I know ENXP are the most introverted extraverts though), I have never been very positive either or extremely chaotic either.

Si Tert: I am prone to not stepping outside of my comfort zone. I want new experiences but at the same time I'm afraid of them. As I've mentioned before I am very risk-averse, not taking even calculated risks. Fear of failure holds me back. I'm afraid that the status quo may change not in my favor (it will all go downhill if I make a mistake, so I'd rather do nothing at all).

Moving onto INFJ stack: Ni Dom: I struggle with perfectionism because I have an ideal image of things I want to implement and I'm too afraid I will fail to achieve the ideal; I have a perfect version of myself in mind which I strive to be one day (but often fail to come even close to it). I don't have a clear picture of my future though.

I know that many people equate Ni with "insightful" thinking, which I cannot relate to. I "predict" the future in a negative way, always expecting a catastrophe and feeling paranoid at worst. I often jump to pessimistic conclusion way before anything bad happened. I keep telling myself that it's better to keep expectations low in order not to get disappointed.

Se Inf: I cannot engage with physical world because of escapism. When I'm outside I don't notice my surroundings at all. I go through life on autopilot. Even when I try to be present and focus on the current moment, my sensing is dulled, almost muted, and the engagement feels shallow. I'm always in my head, made-up scenarios are more comforting to me than the real world. I reflected on it for some time and decided depression is not to blame because my Se was unhealthy/unused before that as well, it just escalated.

--------------------

You've made it clear that dominant Fi and inferior Te don't fit. That is more than enough to rule out INFP, so I'm not sure why you're still considering it. The info you gave for dominant Ni and inferior Se sounds fine, but I'm not sure why Fe and Ti are missing. Did you not send them? Did I not receive them? In any case, I can't draw a firm conclusion without information about the entire stack.

[non-un-topo]

End of the year questions!

Tagged by @aphroditestummyrolls. Thank you, my friend! <3

Tagging @guarncre @spacegirlsgang @andrea-lyn @ladytessa74, and everyone!

What is your favourite thing you created?

I've talked about it more than enough, but probably my big baby, Axis. Jericho, My Moon is a favourite too, for its whimsy and dream-like quality and gothic romance. I want to write more things like that.

Which work are you proudest of?

Definitely Axis. It's just under 30 thousand words, and took me a year while I was working through a ton of grief, stress, an identity crisis (ongoing to this day lol), and just generally losing touch with reality. I think it's one of the most raw and beautiful things I've written, though I'm def overselling it. I'm also happy with the section break illustrations I made for it!

Is there anything you are proud of that you achieved this year?

Mostly my university achievements. I won 3 awards/bursaries this year due to my hard work! Got a work/study position at a small feminist library in my faculty, made some classroom friends, and have been enjoying helping students when they come to me. I guess I'm also proud of myself for... maybe.. perhaps... coming to the point where I can no longer deny that I'm trans. It's been a lot. It's shaken the very ground from under me. But at this point I don't think it can be denied anymore. It's time to be brave.

Did you explore anything new this year? (A new way to be creative, a trope you didn’t write before, or an idea you hadn’t thought of earlier, etc.)

I guess gothic romance is a new thing for my writing. I'm kind of a romance hater tbh, so I usually just background the relationships or struggle with forefronting them, but I'm becoming more of a fan of the weird and macabre kind of romance. Also not necessarily new, but I almost never write modern aus and I completed one this year: tempests of dust. I guess you could say my canon-divergent t4t au, Wolf Tooth, is new too!

Which work gave you the most difficulty?

Besides the aforementioned 30k fic, probably finishing misplaced items of great (in)convenience. I let that one sit for a while, which I guess kind of lines up with the themes of the fic lol. Burnout is real.

What was your biggest creative challenge this year?

Drawing ;_; At all. Perfectionism and self-scrutiny stop me before I can begin. That, and I have a lot of WIPs I started in 2023 that are supposed to be pretty big.

Which work brought you the most joy?

Hounds! I wrote that 8k bitch in nearly one sitting because I was so fired up.

Which of your works do you think people should check out?

Not all from 2023, but perhaps some of my less read ones. Obviously I want people to read the long ones about grief and liminal space and adventures that I worked so hard on, but I know most people don't have the energy or desire to sit down and read a lot of plot.

I'd recommend an Andy-focused one from my mystery series, Chronos, and Primavera, my little Nico 3000-headcanons-stuffed-into-a-trenchcoat backstory. My time loop fic, la mer a bercé mon coeur pour la vie, is also a fun little Andy-centric team adventure. My queer ass is also very fond of Eight Minutes. Lastly, one of my Booker fics, all things pass into the night.

I should say that not all of my fics are available for people without ao3 accounts.

Do you have creative plans for next year? Is there anything exciting you’re currently working on?

Oh gosh, I want to be so productive in 2024. I really hope I can be! I have plans for another queer quartet adventure with mystery elements that will hopefully be longer and more adventurous than the works in the Tetrad Mysteries. I miss it when that was my specialty! I also am working on a big canon-divergent au in which Joe and Nicky were childhood friends (and still end up killing each other). That fic mostly takes place during their adolescence and young adult years, so I'm sort of stuck on how to end it since I'm worried it'll be a disappointing read for people if it ends in Jerusalem. But we already know the rest of their story, more or less. I've put it on hold for a while due to sensitive subject matter that I feel is just inappropriate for the world right now.

Those are the two big projects, but I'm also hoping to do some collaborations, maybe open up commissions (we'll see how busy I am in the summer!), and have some smaller works in progress.

Lastly, any words of wisdom or anything else you would like to share?

We are not defined by our productivity. The process is always happening and we are always changing and learning, even if we're not actively "creating."

[lavender-laney]

tag game, writing questions

Thank you @lexiklecksi for the tag! Their post :)

These writing questions were fun to answer!

What is your absolute all-time favourite ideas you’ve ever had?

Probably the concept of Acrylic Body? It's an issue because I love the idea but I'm having trouble executing it, so I think that's how I know it's a good idea lol.

Is there a question you’ve been asked in the past that really stands out to you, and you still think about sometimes?

Probably not exactly what this question was looking for, but! A few times I've mentioned to people that I'm a writer, and they'll say something like, "Oh, what have you written? Can I read some of your work?" and I have to say no because I've never actually finished anything! I don't have something I can hand over and be like "Oh, here's a short story I wrote," or "Here's a book I'm trying to get published!" This is one of my greatest motivators, and why I think about it often. I want to finish a project so I can have something to show for being a so-called writer.

What is your favourite part of being a writer? What parts could you take or leave?

I love the feeling that comes with being inspired. I love when I'm in the zone where I'm just writing restlessly, my fingers can barely keep up with my thoughts, and I'm feeling like the story is playing out in front of me. I could definitely do without perfectionism and writer's block, though.

What is your greatest motivation to write/create?

Kind of like what I said in the second question - having something to represent my hard work. Less shallow, however, I do just love writing. I always have. I love coming up with things, re-reading parts that I'm proud of and knowing I made that. I can't say feedback from other people isn't also a huge motivator, though. If I hadn't had a reputation as writing being my "thing" growing up, I'm honestly not sure if I would've stuck with it.

What is the best piece of advice you’ve ever read or been given as a writer?

I love this quote from Jodi Picoult: "You might not write well every day, but you can always edit a bad page. You can't edit a blank page." It really helps me focus less on my work being perfect and more just having some sort of base to start with, even if it sucks.

What do you wish you knew when you were first starting out writing?

When I first started writing in elementary school, I was very much innocent and starry-eyed and thought I was the most amazing writer, even when I was writing silly little Warriors fanfics. I wish I'd known to hold onto that optimistic and confident attitude a little tighter.

What is your favourite story you’ve written to completion? Link it if you’d like and can!

Still haven't written anything to completion, buuut I am very much planning to reach that goal with Choking on Sea Salt!

What is your favorite out-of-the-box quote?

Probably that same quote by Jodi Picoult! It's one of the only ones that has really stuck with me. Plus, just anything by Mary Oliver always stays with me.

Which of your characters would you say has the most controversial mindset? Why do you say so, and how do you personally feel about their ideals?

In terms of protagonists, I think Sadie's unending curiosity and hunger for knowledge can (and will 🤭) lead to some questionable ways of getting information. In terms of all characters, though, the main antagonist of Choking on Sea Salt (who will be revealed in chapter 2) is definitely unhinged and not in a fun way. Let's say there's a reason he's being haunted by malevolent forces.

If you, when you first started writing, met you now, what would younger you think?

I hope she would think I'm cool! She might be a little disappointed I haven't written a book yet or been published or become a world famous author (11 year old me was very ambitious), but I think she'd like what I'm working on. She'd probably be very confused that I'm a reporter of all writing-related careers, though. I'm confused about that too, though, to be honest lol.

[harpywritesfic]

Look at me, a wants-to-write-but-blocks-themselves-because-the-first-letter-I-type-down-has-to-be-perfect-fanfic writer.

I've been hoarding various prompt lists like whumptober and fluffbruary. I even snatched myself one of those ironstrange bingo cards in hopes I could fill one of prompts in a year. But now half of the year is over and my card still empty.

I feel like a failure 😞

ah, you've come to the right place. abandon your perfectionism, all ye who enter here. this is a land of unedited drafts, fics written in a haze of hyperfixation, caffeine highs and/or mental breakdowns. i've mastered the art of "good enough".

remember- writing is messy! the process is messy, and the product can be messy too. in a sense nothing people write is ever truly 'finished'- there's always room for improvement. that's how art works, in my humble opinion. try to find enjoyment in the process, not the product. as the artist, your own work will always seem imperfect. but that doesn't make it any less valuable.

it might help to know how i write most of my fics. maybe my method isn't your style, but i'll walk you through it anyway since it might help.

sit down to write. or write standing up. where isn't important. what matters most is you've got an idea or a prompt or an anything that makes you want to write.

word barf. this is the very rough draft phase. throw out everything you know you want to have happen into the doc. try not to read over what you're putting down (the messiness of it all can be daunting). mine often are made up of unfinished sentences, half-baked scene ideas, 'they do x and then y", mixed with some finished portions. if you get stuck, you can always come back, and you'll already have a little something on the page :)

splice and dice. this is where i put my scenes in their order (if they weren't already, it rly depends on what you're writing. sometimes it's linear, sometimes it's not). biggest thing i use this phase for is working out where i need transitions between scenes, where i need to expand my "x then y" bits into writing, and and where i can just put a empty line with a "-" in the center to indicate a new scene.

flesh it out. i get stuck here a lot. this is the step where you weave your scenes together, write your dialogue, fill in your placeholders. it's okay to just skip parts and come back to them. some parts, if they're really giving you trouble, can just be removed entirely. you're the writer- it's up to you. choose your battles.

(optional) editing. sometimes i just don't even bother, especially if i know i'll hate reading what i've written (if this happens to you, it's best to skip the editing! a few mistakes are no big deal. i find it easier to just throw it to the wolves (readers), who are usually very nice and rarely point out mistakes. they're not picky). sometimes editing is just a quick pass for typos. but you can also get into it a little more, really go elbow-deep, and edit to improve things like flow, pacing, tone, and other boring stuff. totally unnecessary, though. if you hate this step? skip it.

it took me maybe a year to feel comfortable enough to post something i'd written. and it's okay, too, if you don't feel comfortable posting anything. you can never post it. or you can do it anyway. sometimes i say to myself, "i want to read more of this specific ship/trope/situation/dynamic/whatever" and i make it myself. they say to write what you want to read, and that's even more true for fanfic. there are people out there who want to read the same things as you. sometimes you gotta look your fear in the eyes, quote Freddie Mercury and say, "I'll fucking do it, darling."

having said that, this might be most important- it's okay if you never post anything you write. fanfic is something we do for fun- there is no failure. the most important thing is to enjoy yourself. there doesn't have to be any finished product- just enjoy the process.

i hope this wasn't too ramble-y or anything. my brain works in strange ways, so this might be totally unhelpful. who knows! but i'll post it anyway, in case it is.

[thatstormygeek]

Interesting how it's all "trust Black women" and "Black women are the real heroes" until a Black woman says something folks don't want to hear.

Do I think not voting is a smart call? No. But I can understand the frustration that leads to the declaration.

Here's the link to the article, (edited on 5/27 to fix the link. sorry!) since nobody else bothered to provide it.

Cardi emerged on the scene as a people’s princess from a working-class background, and she’s been vocal on social issues, too, from New York’s city and state government to Social Security and immigration. A political junkie with an encyclopedic recollection of American presidents, she became a sought-after pundit, endorsing and interviewing Bernie Sanders and then Joe Biden as they pursued the presidency.

Huh. And yet prev decided she was an "ignorant moron."

Then, last November, she declared she’d never do it again — for any president or hopeful. By March, she had told L.A. radio host Big Boy she wouldn’t even vote in the upcoming presidential election. She tells me she means it. “I don’t fuck with both of y’all niggas,” she says of Biden and Trump. Before, she had seen Trump as a dire threat, but under Biden, she’s felt “layers and layers of disappointment” from what she sees as domestic and foreign mismanagement. The cost of living is too high, wages are too low, and too little is being done about it, she says. “I feel like people got betrayed.” “It’s just like, damn, y’all not caring about nobody,” she says. “Then, it really gets me upset that there is solutions to it. There is a solution. I know there’s a solution because you’re spending billions of dollars on any fucking thing.” After President Biden insisted the U.S. could fund both Israel and Ukraine in their respective wars against Gaza and Russia in October, Cardi spoke out against it. She echoes the sentiment with me, but is concerned artists of color can get “blackballed” for talking about the war in Gaza. “[America] don’t pay for endless wars for countries that have been going through shit for a very long time,” she says. “There’s countries [where] kids are getting killed every single day, but because the [U.S.] won’t benefit from that country, they won’t help. I don’t like that America has this superhero cape on. We never did things to be superheroes. We did things for our own convenience.”

Sounds like she's put some thought into her opinion. I'm sure everyone assuming she's stupid and has no idea what she's talking about isn't basing that on her race or her looks or her current profession or her previous professions...right?

And I've read that section a couple of times now and I'm still struggling to see where she's encouraging anyone else to not vote. Or where she said she wasn't going to vote in state and local elections...or even national elections for offices other than president.

Of course, the album is just one hurdle. Now that Cardi B, the daughter of a Dominican-born cabbie father and a careful Trinidadian mother, raised poor in the Bronx, has earned most of what she’s wanted, she’s been tasked with a new kind of survival: propelling her life, family, and legacy forward without getting stuck in the traps of perfectionism or criticism. And as she works to solidify her status as a rap icon, she struggles to manage the more mortal but no less important challenges of motherhood and marriage. CARDI B’S HOME is at its homiest on the weekends. That’s when, she tells me in L.A., she and the eight people who live with her in New Jersey — her kids Kulture (age five) and Wave (age two), plus an aunt, a niece, and four cousins — are joined by even more family. Cardi feels the most like herself then, with everyone sharing food and music. “We do a lot of oxtail. We do a lot of fried fish,” she says. “We do a lot of crab legs. We do a lot of goat.” She has a Filipino aunt by marriage who makes desserts with mango, condensed milk, and lychee jelly, as well as a savory meat dish Cardi loves but the name of which she can’t recall. “It looks like a little burrito, a little piece of doo-doo,” she says, fondly. The kitchen, however, isn’t Cardi’s domain. “One thing I hate doing is cooking,” she says. “It takes too much of my time.” Cardi’s family proudly plays her songs at the house, though she’d rather they didn’t. “I’m like, ‘Oh, God, here y’all go,’ ” she says with a bashful smile, elongating the “o” for dramatic effect. Most often though, they listen to Spanish-language music. “My country” — she means the Dominican Republic — “they listen to merengue, they listen to típico, they listen to bachata. I’m really into that.” She’d like to make a Spanish-language album in the near future. “As soon as I finish this album, I am going to fucking Puerto Rico,” Cardi says, especially wanting to make reggaeton there. 

This is a Black woman raising Black kids in the US in the 21st century. She's a second-generation immigrant who grew up poor. She has a history of sex work. She lives with her extended family, works a ridiculous amount, and struggles to balance marriage, kids, and her profession. The idea that her "wealth and fame" are going to protect her from political fallout is pretty fucked up and completely ahistorical. They may provide a bit of a cushion, but they are not a shield.

Again, I'm not saying I agree with her "I'm not voting" statement, but then again, do I need to? Does anyone? She wasn't asking for feedback or telling anyone else what to do. The article was looong. In a functional nation, the voting thing wouldn't even be a blip.

I'm not even a Cardi B fan (like, I don't follow her career, but do enjoy some of her music) and the pair of tweets in the original post got my hackles up. I doubt it's endearing the message to folks who are Cardi B fans, but *shrug*

"Say whatever you want as long as you agree with Trump" and "say whatever you want as long as you loudly and repeatedly insist you'll vote for Biden" don't look all that different from the outside, y'all. Not that anyone is still reading this far into it, but this whole response - and I'd hazard Cardi B's message as well - are not "fuck yous" to the Dems. It's pleading with them to listen and understand and do better because they are all we have. And they are increasingly failing us (and yes, that's how it works. we put them in the job, they succeed or fail. the voters don't fail their reps. that's some abuser-ass look what you made me do shit).

Responding to that desperation with "look at this stupid bitch thinking she knows what she's talking about" over and over is, imo, unhelpful. But I'm repeatedly reminded that I don't know shit. So. Yano. Take it for what it's worth.

This is an excellent response

[kyaruun]

okay butlers was all in all a really sweet and nice story about idols from different units working together but. as most kinosei izumi i've read,,, there's something with it

i can't judge the other characters because out of the cast in butlers i'm not that much a producer for anyone other than izumi and he reads weird. and i don't mean the translation, i mean his character. i think kinosei likes to remind the players izumi's perfectionism is some kind of "bad habit" he can't/doesn't want to control, but i feel like they're ignoring two key elements to izumi's character and development throughout the series. 1) izumi's perfectionism is aimed at himself before everyone else and 2) he would never speak bluntly to someone in a higher position than he is.

an important part of his character is the fact that he's been working in the industry for a really long time (see portrait) and the way to do stuff "the right way" as been slowly ingrained into his character. things like keeping a good relationship with coworkers and not bothering his superiors to make sure he gets called in again for future work. respecting work hierarchy. yes he is bossy, yes he is hard to please —but that's on his personal relationships. he knows how to separate his work persona from his personal life persona.

i'm not saying izumi is not perfectionist and doesn't require a certain level of perfection from the people around him, but he only does that with other idols around his same level. he will be annoying and bother knights to keep practising until he's satisfied with the outcome because he knows HE can do better ><

i feel like it all boils down to izumi's "i want to show the best side of myself (only)". he doesn't want people to see all the struggle behind the cameras and wants his fans to have the best time, at all costs. he thinks it isn't fair for them not to get a wonderful experience, so he is working himself to the bone for that.

i don't think putting izumi as someone who values himself before absolutely anything else and acts like a karen all the time is actually the take they wanted to make... maybe i'm just reading too much into his motifs (pls read butterfly) but deep down izumi doesn't want to get attached to people so they won't hurt him. but being unnecessarily mean to people in his work environment doesn't really help that out? i thought e! had already worked on that.

for me he feels like the annoying senior who keeps pushing everyone around him to do better because he knows they can do better, with a little extra help! because he gets stuck in similar situations and his own pride won't allow him to ask for help, he'd rather be the help other people need, even though they might not realize it.

so tldr: in my honest opinion, izumi is the kind of person that gets frustrated with himself when something doesn't come out the way he expected it to and actually blames himself for it, even if he won't say it out loud

[meichenxi]

Hi! I'm in sixth form right now, and I'm a huge lover of languages. I have ADHD and languages are the only thing that can get me to actually sit down and study (which doesn't bode well for my other classes but ah well). The thing is, my ADHD makes it difficult to get started and stick to a proper plan, because I get bored very easily. Do you have any advice for studying a language with ADHD?

Hiii!

Ah, yeah, the good old 'I adore this thing but to do this thing you need structured study' problem. I have exactly the same problem! I preach about the importance of Anki and I know my languages would be better if I just stuck to the same routine every day, but I seem to be chronically incapable of forming habits, and as much as I try and be accepting of my own limitations, sometimes that's very frustrating. Here are some tips I have from my experience with languages and ADHD - some of these may contradict each other, and only speak from my own experience.

1) Their way of studying is not worthier

I don't know if this is causing you distress or not, but regardless: one of the first things to consider is simply that what works for them - a specific routine, self-motivated study - might not work for you. Study plans are not designed for people with ADHD. Any well-meaning advice your parents, friends or teachers give you might similarly not be meant for people with ADHD. What does this mean? That there is nothing intrinsically better about studying in one way if it doesn't work for you, so stop beating yourself up if you can't follow that. Stop worrying if you are not studying as efficiently or as effectively. If trying to study in a specific way - like keeping the same habits every day - is stopping you from studying at all, how is that more effective than studying in front of the TV or whilst jogging??

Ok, true, if I did manage to plan my studying weeks in advance and stick to that every week, my languages would be better than they are now. I know that 100%. But I also know that the longest I have ever successfully done any flashcards was about twenty days, and that if I plan what I'm going to study I just end up spinning around in my spinny chair for thirty minutes or gnawing absently on my hairbrush.

I have been struggling with trying to keep a routine with exercise, cooking, teaching, writing, learning languages, reading and talking to friends for years. And I've always felt so frustrated with myself and like a complete idiot for finding things like 'remember to shower' and 'clean your fucking room' so hard.

But I think I'm beginning to understand myself better now. I completed NaNoWriMo last month and it was life-changing - I have never stuck with a habit that long!! And I realised why: it's because during NaNo, I wasn't trying to juggle twenty different hobbies and interests every day (because that's how you're 'supposed to do it'), but just focusing on work and writing. Just one thing, intensely, for a month! For ages I have known that's how I learn best, but I've been unwilling to implement it because that's not the 'best' or 'most effective' way to learn.

You know what though? If it gets you learning, it gets you learning. There is no 'right' way to do it. ADHD often exhibits alongside anxiety and perfectionism, especially if you're used to being good at school, have never had to learn how to learn and have planned your life to the Nth degree because you can't function otherwise. If this is you, your brain may try and tell you it's not correct to learn in X way - but the advice that you find online literally was not written for you. Don't be surprised if following it feels frustrating.

At school you may not have the flexibility to work on something for an extended period of time, but my point still stands: any learning is a good thing, and you know yourself the best. Try and look at it that way, rather than focusing too much on what is optimal.

2) Try and implement external structure into your routine

Speaking of knowing yourself. I struggle immensely with empty days and nebulous goals - but at the same time hate structure. What the fuck brain. I don't know if you're learning for school or pleasure, but either way, try and tack your language learning habits on to habits that already exist. For example if you're walking to school - listen to a podcast. If you have to do homework every night - put on a playlist and do languages after that after your homework is done. If you're on the bus - do Duolingo. When you're waiting for your brother to come out of swimming - read fanfic in Spanish. Even if it's an hour of complete self-study, you can still tack it onto another habit that exists, preferably one that involves exercise or social interaction or something different. I know just how hard habits are to form, but this is one of the only ways that has been effective for me. I can never plan in advance what exactly I'm going to study, but I try to plan when I will study at least. 

The best kind of external structure, of course, is other people. Join a discord server where you can study together. Arrange to test each other on vocabulary every week with your friends. Get one of your friends to message you aggressively every week to check you've done your homework. Study with a friend who will literally take your phone and not give it back until you have finished.

3) It's not cheating to use software and technology to help

This is what I wish I had been told earlier. IT'S NOT CHEATING. If you have a problem with controlling your time, then don't let yourself have that problem. We live in the modern age!! Use technology to help you! Here are some I personally use and recommend:

- Habitica: this gamifies your to-do lists, and helps you earn points. This is great because you can put both things like homework on here as well as you know. Basic tasks like showering and tidying my room which I still find inordinately difficult.

- Discord study groups: these let you share your SCREEN!!! And because you're in a group full of random internet people you cannot go on social media unless you want to be axe-murdered. You just can't. In these groups you can also form little groups that keep you accountable every day - I was in a group of four who all studied at the same time every day online, and we shared both our cameras and our screens. You can't mess around when you have someone who is literally looking over your shoulder the whole time.

- Freedom: my saviour, my beloved, my one great love. This you do have to pay for but oh my god, it's the most worth-it purchase I have ever made in my life. You add blocklists and you can control what websites you can access when on your phone and your laptop, and they don't have to be the same. For example during my last year of university I only allowed myself access to Tumblr for 30 minutes a day, and it may have just saved my bacon.

- Chrome extensions: for example Pause, which makes you wait for ten seconds before going to any social media site. It still lets you go! But it stops that impulsive scrolling.

4) Utilise your special interests, and don't neglect input

The great thing about languages is that once you're at a certain level, you can do anything you can do in your mother tongue. What does that mean? FANFIC. Youtube. Music. Dnd. Tv programs. THE POSSIBILITIES ARE INFINITE. Of course there are times when you just need to study verb tables, but the majority of people fail at languages A-level or GCSE because they don't have enough input. You're still young; your brain is still spongey! One of the best things you can do, regardless of neurodiversity, is to pump it aggressively full of information. Bad at listening? After 300 hours of dnd...you'll get better.

And you, my friend, have an advantage the neurotypical does not: use your hyper fixations!! I had to speed-run my Spanish A-level in about three or four months for Reasons, and one of the reasons I succeeded without any teacher input was because I was hyperfixating on minimalism at the time. I listened to probably every single video on minimalism on Spanish YouTube. HUNDREDS of hours of podcasts on packing and lightweight travelling and minimalism and Marie Kondo...I haven't thought about minimalism in years, but at the time, that was what did it for me. Use them!! (Of course, if the language itself is your hyper fixation, so much the better, but you can't always control that...)

Please, for the love of god, if you have a tumblr and are a fan - read fan fiction. Hell, write fan fiction. Learning languages doesn't have to be boring!! I wrote pages and pages and PAGES of Silmarillion fanfic in German and look, now I'm applying to do a German-speaking Master's.

One final point here: Yes, random vocabulary about minimalism and packing cubes isn't going to help your A-level. But the sentence structures surrounding it, the constant listening practice, everything else will. So don't worry if your interests are niche or 'irrelevant'. I was obsessed with translations of Homer into German for a while and in my listening exam one of the points hinged on the word 'vanguard', so, you know. You never know!

5) Utilise The Scroll

Do you spend too much time aimlessly on your phone? So do I. Apart from just deleting all the apps from your phone and going cold turkey (which I did, apart from email and messenger, and it’s been pretty successful) there are two things you can do:

- Install social media / reddit / YouTube etc from the country whose language you’re studying. If you reach for your phone first thing in the morning to get into The Scroll, well, that’s thirty minutes of reading. 

- Let yourself watch and consume as much social media / Netflix / YouTube as you want, but try and restrict yourself to only doing so in your target language. 

- You can also buy a kindle! This has CHANGED EVERYTHING for me. I’m fundamentally a lazy person. I like scrolling and I like the dark and I like the shiny screen! But downloading books onto my kindle (from places like zlibrary *cough cough*) means that that’s the first thing I reach for in the morning - I literally sleep with it under my pillow, and I read for 30 minutes in the morning instead. I have made sure to download lots of fanfic onto there too for the times when I just can’t concentrate on anything longer; either way, it stops me scrolling through my phone. You can utilise this with languages too - download Harry Potter or the Little Prince or Lord of the Rings or anything you know well and love, or even fanfic, and read that instead of scrolling. It might not work for you, but I find I end up reading genuinely about 10 times more daily if I use my kindle rather than an actual book, because I can eat and read, lie down and read, jump around and read, walk and read...

6) Shake it up: incorporate movement and stimulus and PEOPLE

Most likely routine is boring!!! And most likely, at school, you are also somewhat bored!! Even if you’re a die-hard introvert like I am, talking to other people in your target language is the best way to stay motivated, and it measures real progress, not just vocabulary stats. Get an exchange partner. Join a discord server. Make friends with somebody in that country if you can. Organise a twice-weekly call.

Re movement: learning doesn’t have to be static. Listen to podcasts and audiobooks on the go - they will help your listening skills no end. You can go for a walk around the block every hour or so to get yourself moving, and whilst you do so, why not listen to American Gods in Spanish? Or whatever floats your boat. Do YouTube workout videos in that language. Anything which tricks your brain into realising that a language is a system of communication that real people use, not just for school. Of course, all of this is easier if you are somewhat intermediate at least. But there are plenty of beginner videos and podcasts too! Use a Youtube converter and download them onto your phone, and listen again and again as you go shopping or wait at the bus stop. 

7) Run a blog (no, seriously)

Just something to consider. It’s time-wasting, but also it builds a community of accountability and explaining things to people is fun! I personally make it a rule though not to post when I’m not studying too much - I think it’s hypocritical otherwise, which is why this blog sometimes goes quiet for a few months at a time. 

6) Understand if you are overstimulated or under stimulated, and adapt accordingly. Gamify your learning!

Habitica is good for for gamifying habits, but also basic things like washing up and cleaning. Memrise and Quizlet, whilst probably not as effective as Anki, are much more fun - I use them for that reason even though Anki is probably better, because I know I’ll actually USE quizlet. 

I don’t think any advice I can give you for being overstimulated or under stimulated is going to particularly help, since I’m sure you’ll know what works and what doesn’t for you. For me personally I’ve learnt gradually that if I’m really under stimulated VERY few things are going to be able to make me study - most of the time it’s just not worth pushing through. So I take a break and run around for fifteen minutes, or punch my pillow listening to insane loud music. That sort of thing. 

If I have to study in that state, though, learning languages is one of the few things that works. If you have quizlet or can test yourself online on verb conjugation, this is the PERFECT moment for it - it’s fast, it’s furious, you don’t actually have to think that much, but doing rapid-fire conjugation or translation whilst listening to repetitive, loud music is one of the only things that is even a little bit useful that I can do. 

Learning to recognise your own moods and tailoring your learning accordingly is hugely important, and probably the best thing you can do in the long run for your own mental health. Sometimes you just need to take a break - and that might not come at the same stimuli or with the same clues as neurotypical people. 

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Alright, I hope that’s somewhat useful! I apologise for the long, ironically non-ADHD friendly post (though it means I get to info-dump hehe). If you take anything away from this, I hope you can take away the idea that finding what works for you is better in every single way than trying to persevere with trying habits that you have never successfully built. 

A hard message, but - if it hasn’t worked so far, maybe it’s time to try something different. 

Best of luck with everything - learning languages is hard, and it’s even harder when your brain won’t shut up. Kudos to you for persevering!!!

- meichenxi out