#I'm sorry I havent been able to post as often lately

[glysaturn]

hello glysaturn i have been following u for *years* and i want u to know that i havent for one second been convinced that your art is not good or has plateaued in some way. i think that youve managed to convince yourself of these ideas but i want to remind you that the more you continue to think this way the worse it gets. personally i felt at my most hopeless as an artist when i was obsessing over how bad i thought my art was and how little engagement it got online. i hit a point where i stopped drawing entirely for a while because i kept asking myself why i was doing any of this if it was “bad” — but then how could someone ever improve if they give up? all these negative thoughts bashing your own art just lead to hopelessness and an unwillingness to keep trying.

i’m glad that you *do* continue to push through and continue making art but i think it’s important to remember that you shouldnt be comparing yourself to other people. every artist u see online built up to wherever they are now and i think instead of fixating on how “good” their art is or how many likes theyre getting it’s healthier to fixate on the practice and effort they put in to getting there. i’m sorry if you’re not looking for comments about your outlook but again as someone who has been a fan and a follower for like over 5 years it saddens me to see one of my favorite artists tripping themselves up so often

i'm.. not sure what prompted this message. if it was my last post then you severely misunderstood it, no offence, like maybe it's on me for failing to convey exactly what i was trying to say, but i definitely was not coming from a place of self-hate. i love my art! i've just noticed a certain.. pattern in it which was making the process frustrating for me as of late. a pattern which was born through my damn perfectionism. it was making me feel like i have to squeeze my art out rather than just making it happen naturally. even if i like the final result, it takes too much out of me and it's just not very fun. so for a while now i was trying to start taking it easier, making simpler, messier works and through that - learning how to maybe draw something that might be a bit more complex but it would feel less like manual labour. whatever change i may want to see in my art isn't driven by outside factors, it's driven by my own desire to improve.

if this was prompted by my.. less than sane behaviour that i exhibit from time to time. first of all - i'm sorry you had to see that, trust me i ain't proud of it. secondly, uhhh, i get where you're coming from, but i feel like it's still not entirely accurate to what i'm experiencing. am i comparing my works to works of others? …….yea. sometimes. it's a god damn curse. does it make me feel bad about my art? not anymore, no, not really. i definitely do not look at someone else's art and think mine is shit in comparison. i think mine is quite good and worthy. it is true that i was not able to find any sort of balance that would let me exist online fully in peace. but i'm still looking for it, still trying to figure it out. and none of it is going to actually make me stop drawing and loving my own art. i know i said the thought of quitting crosses my mind from time to time, i did, but i was just in a moment of experiencing very intense emotions. i don't actually mean it, like deeply. my brain is wired in such a way that if i were to stop drawing, i would literally lose my mind. i simply cannot sit and do nothing. i MUST create. so there's that.

thank you for your.. concern?

[defiantbird]

(This isn't the same person as estranged childhood bestie. That one is actually keeping in touch with me more lately.)

I had a friend I was really close with starting in middle school and through college. Even so, we were always pretty different. She's normal, has normal interests, is highly likable and pretty much had no one who disliked her. I've always been odd and nerdy and bad at interacting with people. But she never acted like there was anything wrong with me, even though all her friends definitely thought I was weird as hell. We bonded over having depression and anxiety. I have two particular memories of this: her holding my hand and leading me away from a crowd when I had a panic attack at Warped Tour, and breaking down at her house after her birthday party because my relationship was hanging on my a thread and I'd been pretending to be ok all night.

After college, we drifted apart a bit, as it often goes with school friends once you're adults. The gulf got wider when I moved to the boroughs, after the pandemic, and when she got a new boyfriend. I havent met her boyfriend as we just were never able to really make plans happen again. Still, I asked her to be a bridesmaid for my wedding.

She agreed, but only really showed up for my shower. I got the vibe she just didn't really feel like coming to the boroughs for my bachelorette party and anything else. A week before my wedding, she told me that she was having problems with the house ahead just bought and she was extremely stressed and couldn't be a bridesmaid. I told her not to worry about it...I said she didn't need to give me a gift, I said I'd happily pay for her hair and makeup, I just wanted her to be there, she literally didn't have to do anything but be there.

She agreed again, but a few days later told me she just couldn't. OK. I wasn't going to push, I wanted her to be ok, I got that she was in a tough spot, so I let it go. But ultimately, she didn't even come as a guest. She didn't even come to just the ceremony. She didn't text me the day of or anything.

I sort of accepted this as the end. I was pretty hurt that she didn't show up at all, even after I told her she didn't have to do anything, I just wanted to see her. It felt like there was some other reason she had that she didn't want to tell me. But it is what it is. I figure maybe it was weird of me to want her as a bridesmaid after we'd drifted so much.

Since then were exchanged pleasantries on social media for birthdays and stuff, but otherwise nothing. A few months ago, she got engaged.

I'm not certain yet, but I think I'm invited to her wedding. She posted about sending her save-the-dates and the next day, my former neighbor texted me to say they had a letter that got sent to my old address. I assume it's the save-the-date, because my friend doesn't know I moved.

I feel really conflicted. I don't rely want to go...not out of a petty "Well you didn't come to my wedding so I should I come to yours", but because I really am just kind of hurt and I feel like she's only inviting me out of a sense of obligation. I don't know how to say 'no' without seeming like it's just pettiness, and frankly I don't feel like it's worth telling her the real reason. I'm not mad at her, just sad, and kind of resigned about our friendship. I don't know what excuse I can give. I don't know if I should just go, show my face, have dinner with all her friends who always though I was weird, and quietly leave. Or maybe I should just decline, say nothing, and hope that that solidifies the end so neither of us have to pretend anymore. It feels shitty, but so does the idea of going. I don't know her fiance at all, and sometimes I wonder if he convinced her not to go to my wedding. I have no idea. I don't really know her anymore, either.

Ugh.

Sorry. I had to put this somewhere.

[kaz-oooo]

Sorry to bother, but what happened with Wilbur? I just stumbled upon your post about him and alternative musics but I have no idea what happened.

that's alright, there's a lot going on at the moment, a lot of mess and in fighting and goddamn it's a lot to go through.

In short Shubble recently came out and gave a story about abuse she'd faced from an ex partner of hers, if you'd like to hear her words directly here is a link to a reuploaded vod of her stream. There's a lot of talk about abuse so if you aren't comfortable with that stuff don't fret too much, some people are being a bit judgey towards those who havent seen the vod but quite frankly fuck those people, its a discussion about domestic abuse and many people find that incredibly triggering so, take care of yourself first and foremost.

She did not name her abuser, for reasons she hasn't provided yet she is not able to name who he is. A lot of details she provided however had led a lot of people to speculate this ex partner of hers was Wilbur, the two big points in her video were the fact he was british and the fact he bit her (which is something Niki Nihachu and Rhianna from SootHouse have both mentioned him doing in the past).

Shubble said that this partner bit her to the point where she would cry out in pain, gave her a safeword to use so he could "know his limit" and then proceeded to ignore that safeword, gaslit her, essentially made her clean his apartment, and she would often pay for food and flights to visit him and he did very little to financially support her.

Again, it's a lot of speculation at the moment, but a lot of people are taking the side of caution at the moment, myself included. I was hesitant to believe the accusations at first but the longer Wilbur has stayed silent the more I'm inclined to believe the theories.

Idk, if you're comfortable looking deeper I'd urge you have a look for yourself and form your own opinions. I know I've been very stressed and overwhelmed lately about this whole situation as well, so take your time and look after yourself.

Also, don't worry about asking. It's certainly no bother.

[colorguardsweetheartblurrsgirl]

Sorry Been away. Here's a random doodle I did a few weeks ago. I promise to get more art out.

Computer's been like all my electronics having alot of issues based on age. But I finally got my art program up and everything's set to go. Should have a few posts in the next week or two. Just have to help my folks out with a house project they have.

So where have I been at lately???

Also guess I'm doing more work for them, there's a few projects they need my help with. Again for those again don't know I am an only child (now adult I pale thinking Im about to turn 31) who helps take care of my disabled mom alot of the time. Shes been disabled my whole life and often I've had to move my life to fit around that (included having to often limit my activities so I could help around the house), even had to come back from University. But it's all out of love and respect for them. I may complain sometimes but it's just the stress and worry as I know my parents are technically elderly even If I refused to see them as such and I am taking care of their house on my own which can be overwhelming at times.

My mom officially has a cane now. But luckily her knee pains gone (apparently Frankenscense is really good for pain [not endorsing just didnt know it was used for that, thought fun fact!]). So that's a plus.She found something to work for her pain so there have been a few good days. Just her emotional state can snap sometimes due to health and it's harder for me to be on days like that as I need to care for her or myself and my emotional state die to it, having never had anxiety before it's a whole new ball park learning curve on how to handle what I was used ti (trying to navigate her bouts when shes like this is dificult).

So I never know one day to the next if her health is good or bad. Sometimes it's so debilitating for her, you'd expect a terribly hard few days for her, only to wake the next day and shes on the floor clinging, moving around bending limber as ever and cheerful. So it's a uphill down hill rollercoaster I never know what it's going to be. But it's worth it, and she fully understands I have projects and havent been able to regularly post lately due to her health issues and moments. But yeah if anything I want to ensure my mom lives healthy long as I can so she comes first in my life. I realized after a conversation I should have said something on here.

Due to that I can't usually give an update knowing if it's good or bad with her. I'm trying to do better as I get closer with this and posting more regular updates. I just, I pray her health improves and God let's us get all the work done, the stuff I need to help her with and need to do on my own.

....

I may post the full doodle... but I just liked this angle the best.

I took images of it at various angles and this one I really liked.

[shyeehaw]

Cheating Boys - HCs - RDR2

Request:  How they cheat by accident, how it was cheating, how they behave after if they try to win their trust back, how their S/O behaves.

Arthur

There was a bad feeling on your stomach, it wasn’t rationally justified, it just was there.

You are not proud, but by tidying up the tent you shared with Arthur, you came across a letter, tucked away.

Although ‘come across’ may not be the right expression, when you were actively looking for it.

Your shaky fingers unfolded the thin paper, releasing an overly sweet smell that got your stomach turning.

By unfolding the delicate letter, Arthur was greeted by a perfume. Her perfume.

The flowery handwriting hit him like a punch to his stomach. Words, phrases he never thought he would see again greeted him like old friends.

When Arthur saddled up his horse, it didn’t cross his mind to tell you about it.

He did not wanted to worry you in vain, with Mary being a familiar name to you.

Riding towards Valentine, Arthur tried convincing himself that it was not a big deal, she probably just needed help.

Seeing her once again made all the memories he believed to be lost to boil him from inside.

Time had not touched her at all, her face still was the same. Which only made his sadness to grow.

Arthur was staring at a familiar stranger.

The lips he once cherished so had the most awful news. “I’m a widow now, Arthur.”

And by pronouncing that feared word, Mary cried to his chest.

Arthur had no way out, he tried to comfort her with pats on the back, but Mary wanted more.

She was alone and needed to feel whole again, Arthur was whole and that very kiss they shared threatened that.

It was so easy being with her again, and yet so complicated.

When the morning broke, memories of the night before mocked him. Weak, cruel... a bad man.

Leaving his regret behind, Arthur dressed and left without a goodbye.

That was a mistake. Every fiber of his being felt guilty, Y/N didn’t deserve that.

He knew you would have to hear it, and from him. But he couldn’t imagine confessing such a thing.

Thinking about losing you was too unbearable. And your greeting smile had only made that feeling worse.

Arthur began to spend less time with you. His journal was filled with words, but on his mind, he couldn’t find the right ones.

That sneaky behavior warned you that something was wrong.

“Arthur, why are you acting like this? Is something wrong?”

He had guilt all over his face and hurt too. Whatever happened it changed him.

“Y/N... I don’t know how to tell you, I’m so sorry about this-“

“Arthur, son! I need you here.”, yelled Dutch from across the camp.

“Wait! What were you going to say to me?”, you asked.

But he was not ready to lose you, not yet.

In that same afternoon, you decided that it was enough, you were going to find your own answers.

Kieran

“O’driscoll! Get over here!”, Dutch called from afar.

You two shared worried looks. Whatever it was, Dutch sounded wasted.

“Go on, you have nothing to worry about it. Even less after today.”, you assured him.

“Tonight we are drinking, boy! And you are coming with us!”, Dutch had an unusual smile on his face.

First was Arthur, now John. If Kieran kept saving people like this, maybe they would drop that awful nickname.

When Kieran told you about the invitation, you cheered! They were finally seeing him for who he was.

And what a funny thing life is, you remember even kissing him goodbye that night.

“For good luck!”, you said, “it’s going to be fine.”

He had butterflies on his stomach, but Kieran managed to chat with Charles and even Arthur without being called O’Driscoll.

He already had a couple of drinks, and would usually stop, if it wasn’t for Bill that kept them coming.

The more he drank, the funnier they thought he was getting.

Of course, they weren’t sober either. Arthur had already stumbled on his own feet two times and Lenny was nowhere to be found.

“Would you like some company, big guy?”, said the girl with the cleavage to Charles.

Kieran barely noticed him and Javier talking to them girls, he was too busy coyly laughing at Arthur’s impression of Dutch.

“What about you, sweetie? Would you care to keep a girl some company?”, she came out of nowhere, placing her hand on Kieran’s shoulder.

He gulped, trying to explain he already had someone back home.

“Go on! Hell! We will even pay it for you after what you’ve done today.”, said Marston laughing, “I’m probably treating myself too!”

Arthur stared at John across the table, taking a look at Kieran after.

“I’m, uh... I shouldn’t...”, he tried to say.

“Come on, son! It’s not every day that a working girl chooses you and gets paid by us!”, said Dutch, finding the situation oh so funny.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want.”, Arthur said.

But it was too late, he saw Bill scoffing as if he expected Kieran to back down.

John, it seems, was just waiting for an excuse to go along.

Kieran wasn’t one to do this, but the alcohol and the ever so tiring underestimation got him to agree.

To their cheers, Kieran went upstairs, just now realizing how drunk he was.

The girl tasted like cigarettes, and that made Kieran so uncomfortable for whatever reason.

From that day on, that smell would haunt him. Like the smoke of the things he had done. The way he hurt you.

He remembers feeling shy at first, few people had seen his body like that.

Without a romantic attraction was almost impossible for him to concentrate on the sensations.

Riding back to camp was like the old time version of a walk of shame. And guilt.

Kieran may or may not have cried when he confessed what happened the night before.

What hurt you the most was that you let him in, you trusted him with all you had.

And he was no different than others, breaking your heart like that.

In a way, he was worse. He did that just to prove others wrong, just to protect his ego, you thought at first.

And yet, you could see how deeply regretful he was.

For days on end, he tried to make you see how sorry he was, how he hated himself for making you cry.

You could see that, but it didn’t change what happened.

Sean

He talked nonstop how Karen was in the past, and that it was a one time thing.

Too frequent, one may say.

But it’s always a bit tricky to see face to face the ex of the one you love.

She was a daily reminder of the things you did not have. Things that Karen would proudly display with her white blouse.

Not just that, she had a good sense of humor and could outdrink anyone of you.

But you had Sean, and to you, that was enough.

He was a really good boyfriend, always making you laugh and taking care of you.

But somethings are probably just not meant to be.

It only took one night for it all to come to an end. Looking back, it’s like you can pinpoint the exact moment you knew what was about to happen.

“Ya should just yell at me, Y/N. Really.”, he said out of the blue.

His eyes looked tired and red. Like if he had not slept enough. Or did he...cry?

“What did you do now?”, you teased. Having no idea what was about to happen.

“I spent the night with Karen.”, he said in one breath, his face becoming so serious, “It just happened, I went to talk to her, y’know ? To say that I wanted to be with you. She said that she did not care, but she did.”

Your heart stopped at that very moment.

“We fought, we kissed, Y/N.”, he confessed, “So yell at me, slap me if yer happy with that. But I... can’t keep doing this.”

“This what?”, you asked, fighting the urge to cry.

“I’ll always feel bad for doing this to ya, Y/N. But I can’t deny, it was not meaninglessness. If it was, I would be asking for yer forgiveness.

“I... see”, you managed to say.

You turned your back at what could have been. If you stayed longer, if you fought harder.

But you didn’t had anything left on you. Being betrayed like this, not only on a physical level but on an emotional one...It was too much.

You would be a shadow on their relationship.

Until Karen started seeing all the things she did not possess.

.

She would be living with his ex.

[reacttothek]

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. For the past few weeks, I've been thinking of what I should say when we reach 500K, and I'm still not sure how to express how thankful I am. Today, I've cried many tears of joy because I still can't believe it. Thanks for coming along on this journey.

For those who aren't following me on twitter, we've begun to work on our 500K thank-you video already! It's going to be a 2018 KPop Medley (featuring 40 different songs) played by the full ReacttotheK crew. It's being arranged by composer Sean Calhoun (DoTheMusicyThing on Tumblr) and filmed by YouTuber FormOfTherapy.

To get you hyped, the medley is going to be split into 6 different sections:

1. Zeroine Heroine (Core song: Minseo's Zero)

2. Lo Low (Core Song: LOONA Hi High)

3. Learning to Count with Joy and Amber (Core song: Red Velvet RBB)

4. Before Our Spring Break (Core song: Jonghyun's Before Our Spring)

5. Help! Help! I'm Being Juxtaposed (Core song: NU'EST Help Me)

6. You Must Go On (Core song: Sunmi's Heroine)

We'll make sure to drop teasers here and there to satisfy your curiosity!

Love, Umu

[packi-shark-momma]

When you realize you havent posted crap in a while O-O"

Little life update, the night before Halloween I got into a car accident on my way to work. Thankfully I'm okay was only sore for a day or so but sadly my car baby is gonna be totaled strangely enough even though the other driver involved in the accident while having insurance booked it after hitting my car . Thankfully the police officers were able to catch em so my medical bills should be paid by them and I'll get something for my car while I look for a new one.

I'm sorry i haven't been on lately or posting stuff. Funnily enough I'm still drawing I'm just being lazy when it comes to posting stuff but I plan to post more often so there's that. Anywho I hope y'all are staying safe,staying healthy and having a good day!