#I'm not lonely but I also only really talk to 1-2 people on a daily basis. i require more. who wanna be besties n talk every day offers open

[angeltism]

I should interact more with people and have more friends

[notesfromthepalace]

How Do I Become a Princess

I realize that most of my content talks about how when I evolved as a person, my relationships with people and certain activities changed/shifted. But I had never actually went in full detail about everything I believe I have done and have been through. I was asked a question by one of our fellow readers about the following:

"How do I get past the need of wanting to be seen?"

"How to take care of yourself on a budget?''

"What do I do when I get attention deprived, especially when I start feeling lonely?"

"How do I fix the mistakes of my past while learning from them?"

We'll start with point #1: "How do I get past the need of wanting to be seen" - so looking for validation from others.

As I responded previously, all of this starts with becoming one with your creator. We are born with certain inalienable rights bestowed on us from God. I believe when I reconnected with God through fasting, morning prayer (which I really need to get back to doing daily), reading the Bible and finding a church. Literally every morning, for almost six months, that was a daily ritual, Sunday to Sunday. I believe when I started to hear God, my care for what people would say, what they thought the knew of me, did not matter. To this day, if I feel like something goes against my beliefs in God or disrespects God in anyway, I want NO parts in it because the only opinion that matters is God's opinion of me. So the validation, the need to be seen or wanting to be heard by certain people became non existent and still is. And with seeking God and not caring how people may have felt about me, I also became a mystery. No one knew where I was at or what I was doing on my free time. And absolutely no one knew about my dating endeavors. When I became one with God again, certain people who were in my friendship circles faded away, I didn't watch or listen to certain things anymore, and the people I feel God was bringing into my life better aligned with my beliefs, values and my future endeavors. Getting closer to God not only revealed what I wanted for my life personally, but financially, career wise, and even philanthropically. This is why getting closer to God is the first step, it is a domino effect of positivity and elevation in your life.

#2: Taking care of yourself on a budget

"Show me the money"

It's possible friends. Let's start with appearance.

Although I am not the biggest fan of ripped jeans - this was for a walk in the park. Now, would you believe me if I told you that the jeans and the top together were less than $30?

This dress was on sale at Express for $25.

I also bought this dress on sale from Express for $35 and the shoes were on sale at Forever 21 for $14 - I still have both of the items by the way, five years later.

I'm not going to lie, are all of my pieces these prices? No. But I learned how to be a high low shopper. Meaning that if something feels like nice enough quality but doesn't break the bank - I'm buying it. What I usually splurge on, what I'd like to call my investments are shoes, bags, jewelry, hair extensions (I prefer raw hair) and some make-up and skin care, not all. For some things, you will have to spend a pretty penny, but that's where budgeting and making sacrifices come in. For example, I chose to pay out of pocket about $2000 to straighten my teeth and close a few gaps. I was able to do a payment plan and pay $88.95 a month for two years and during that time, I chose to do my hair myself versus paying $350 for someone else to do it.

Like look at those pearly whites. Yes, fixing my teeth was an aesthetic thing, but it was also a tremendous confidence booster.

Taking care of yourself is doable. It just looks different for everyone. It is very important to asses where you are at financially, budget, and think about the things you want to do first.

And when it comes to designer items, this is my advice from a woman I met at the Louis Vuitton store:

"Don't go broke trying to buy everything at once. Start with one item. And next year buy another. There's no rush" - European woman with the most beautiful blow out.

#3: What to do when you are feeling alone/attention deprived.

Get ready for it. It's going to happen. Evolving will be lonely in the beginning and throughout the middle. You'll have people you thought were your friends label you as "fake". You won't be invited back into certain arenas and you have to be ready for that. And if your focus is on finding a boyfriend/husband - you'll definitely feel lonely for a while because as you start to demand a certain standard, the men you may have given chance after chance to will leave you because you are no longer able to be manipulated.

There's going to be lonely nights and that's where you re going to fill the void with things that are going to make you better.

When I dumped my ex, and also stopped hanging around certain people I went back to the basics and asked myself "What does Sarah like?"

Reading

Facials

Shopping

Museums

Coffee shops

5x Star restaurants

Traveling

Learning

Working out - simply to look good, I don't actually enjoy it. But I like how I feel after and cute workout sets.

So I did just that. Literally all of it. To a point where I had even picked back up on my French. And all of these things brought me into different circles of people I would have never met if I had just stuck around the normal rift raft.

These things I did for me, but they also brightened my horizons and prospects for men as well who had similar interests as I *wink wink.

#4: Fixing the mistakes from the past and learning from them.

For me, this is where the constant prayer came in. There are things about ourselves we do not believe are problems because they are learned behaviors from child hood. I had to ask God to reveal them to me, along with revealing the mistakes that I didn't know were mistakes. In the revelation came education.

Start with one mistake, fix it or learn from it or both.

Then go to the next one.

Give yourself time and grace to learn and evolve. These things do not happen over night. Not only will you feel different, but the people around you will see a difference, and you'll attract another type of crowd. A better one.

I hope I answered this well enough @lanessoul

Thank you for the question again.

Until next time Sissy Poohs.

P.S. It's always best to be celibate during this time of reflection. Sex clouds the mind and ones judgement.

With Love,

Sarah Chanel

[zippidi-dooda]

Chapter: 1, 2, 3,

4 - I Wonder

It's been a few days since you went to the castle. And since you've gone to Briar Valley.

There wasn't a need for you to go, so you didn't.

Lucas did grumble about it though. He wanted to meet who he declared his 'bestest friend,' Sebek. He relented once you reminded him that he was a soldier. He would be busy helping others.

But he did so sadly. Dragged his feet when he walked, sighed loudly when you were working on something, saying things like, "I wish I had friends to play with." 

Or, "I did all my chores, Mom. Gee, I really would like to go play with my friends now."

Or, "Wow, this toy I got is really cool. I bet Sebek would like it. If only I could show him."

It was starting to get annoying to hear him moap about it, but at least he was more obsessed with Sebek than he was with his "dad."

You didn't want to drop by for a visit solely because you didn't want to run into Malleus, which would inevitably happen if you went. Which was the real reason why you hadn't gone yet.

Yes, Malleus didn't appear as ... malevolent as he was depicted to be. You didn't have to fear him (as much). But he was still a king. And one, you think, correctly- suspected you of being the missing queen. 

It would be beneficial to him to return you to your kingdom. That was something you absolutely could not afford to happen.

But, Sebek and Lucas did seem to get along. 

You wanted Lucas to hang out with him. He needed to. Needed to at least have someone other than you to talk to. And you trusted Sebek around him.

You slipped on a pair of light leather gloves, grabbed an old, full watering can, and started towards the backdoor.

Maybe you should start visiting Briar Valley more. Malleus did invite you to live there and regardless if it was just to better keep track of you, it was starting to sound like a good idea.

There was sure to be other kids around Lucas age he could play with. And if you needed anything, it would be all around you. Nearby.

Plus, your safety from Rias would be guaranteed within the Valley.

Getting the residents used to your presences would need to be your first step to moving in though. Best to get them somewhat used to having humans among them, right?

And if their reactions were negative towards you during those visits, you could save yourself the trouble of starting to live there then being harassed daily.

You hummed to yourself. 

Then, tomorrow you and Lucas would tour the Valley and see if you could manage living there. 

"Lucas!"

"Yes, Mom?"

"I'm going to be outside if you need anything, okay."

"Okay. I'll just sit here on the couch." He sighed. "I think Sebek would know a fun game we could play right now...."

You corner of your lips quirked up and you sighed.

Maybe, just maybe, if you had time, you could visit Sebek tomorrow as well.

Why he had become so attached to these people not even after a whole day was a mystery to you.

You turned the smooth doorknob and walked outside.

It was cool, a light breeze brushing your h/c locks out of your face the moment you were out. A lone bird was singing a song up in one of the many trees, waiting for someone to return his tune. 

"I wonder, why each little bird has a someone, to sing to, sweet things to," you sang softly recalling the words a famous, blonde princess once sang.

You knelt beside the little garden you made, still singing, "A gay little love melody."

It still wasn't much, but little green leaves were beginning to sprout. "I wonder," with more time and nurturing, they would grow big and resemble the vegetables they were meant to be.

"I wonder," you poured some water over them and pulled out some weeds that were also beginning to grow.

"If my heart keeps singing, will my song go winging."

You heard another bird join the first, twittering back the melody. You smiled, spotting them up in the trees finally.

Two little, brown sparrows. They nuzzled each other happily before one flew off and the other gave chase. 

Cute, you thought.

"To someone, who'll find me, and bring back a love song, to me." 

You hummed the tune, enjoying the peaceful atmosphere outdoors.

Until, "You have a lovely voice."

You jumped, knocking the watering can over and dousing the plants. "Shit!"

Amused laughter rang from behind you. "My apologies, I didn't expect you to be so jumpy."

"Why the hell are you here?" You questioned, quickly picking up the can to try and prevent overwatering the plants.

Malleus stood by the backdoor, an impish grin on his lips. 

"I visit here often. At least, I did until you arrived."

You stood and eyed him warily. "I told you this place isn't abandoned anymore. There's no need to come back to visit."

"Perhaps not. But I do enjoy the tranquility out here. You don't mind me coming back out of habit, do you?"

You doubted he came just cause of habit. But you didn't say anything.

"That song," He continued. "It's not a very popular one. Not many are out there who know it. Do you know how it came about?"

Was he baiting you? 

"Not a clue."

He hummed and walked towards you. He scrutinized you for a second, green eyes boring into your e/c ones.

He was handsome, you couldn't deny that.

The way he held himself, so sure and strong. His pointed horns gleamed, sitting upon his head like a twisted tiara. The way his dark hair curled perfectly around his cheeks and splayed neatly across his shoulders. His clothes, although perfectly fitted to his lean figure and clearly made of high quality material only royalty could afford, looked so plain and despite that he filled them so well.

Had he wore tattered rags you had no doubt he'd still pull it off.

His pale skin could have been considered a sign of unhealthiness but the contrast of his dark clothes and hair made him appear ethereally beautiful. His bright green eyes were shadowed by light black make up, it made you drawn to gaze into them. 

If you weren't careful you would get lost in them.

"... gorgeous...."

A smile worked itself onto his thin lips as he heard your subconscious words, revealing his pristine white fangs to you.

"A princess named Aroura liked that song," he began, breaking you out of your trance.

You took a step back and focused your attention anywhere that wasn't him.

"She was very lonely in her youth, often singing about her longings to the creatures of the forest. Her only companions."

"That's nice. If you'll excuse me I must be going now. And so should you." You walked towards the house.

"I have time to spare." He followed, his slender legs allowing him to catch up to you in half your steps.

"Won't your men be looking for you?"

"Indeed. But you needn't worry about it. I'm sure they won't mind. They've been wondering when you'll show up again. They'll be happy to learn you're alright."

You stopped just as your hand reached the doorknob.

"Draconia?"

"Hm?"

"You have told them that you and I have done nothing together and that Lucas isn't your son, haven't you?"

He smiled, his eyes squinting slightly. "I've never told them that was the case to begin with."

You turned to face him fully, setting down the watering can, and placed your hands on your hips.

"You do know the negative implications it will have on you, not to mention me, if rumors spread that you had a child out of wedlock? Regardless if they're true or not, it's your duty as king to knock down anything that can harm your position."

"I have many negative feelings towards me already. What's another little lie to add on the pile? Besides, you live alone, out here. What's it to you if people assume you've spent a night or two of ecstacy with a feared being?"

Heat rushed to your face at his way of explaining things. "I-I I still have an image of modesty to uphold, Draconia. I'd appreciate if no weird looks were thrown my way if I were to move into Briar Valley as you suggested. Besides, Lucas has no magic at all to speak of. It'd bring even more shame to you if people assumed he was yours and see he's nothing like you."

Malleus' smile faded and his brows raised up. "You actually want to move in?"

"... why do you say it like that?"

Was he joking when he had mentioned it the last time?

"Oh, nothing. I just didn't think you'd consider it."

"Well. I guess I wo-"

"Mom! Can I get a cookie yet? Oof!" Lucas swung open the door and bumped into your back as he walked out. "Hey! What's the big ... Dad! You're here!"

Lucas threw his arms around Malleus' legs tightly.

"Dad, Mom won't take me to see Sebek again! Can you please take me to see him? Please, Dad, pretty please? I promise I'll behave and I did all my chores already. Honest."

"Lucas, quit that already."

Malleus reached a gloved hand down to ruffled your son's hair. "Perhaps another time."

"But ... Daddy?" He looked up at him, trying to appeal to his emotions by tearing up and pouting.

Malleus rolled his wrist and a toy figure that looked sort of like a pig in armor, appeared in his hand. The tears vanished from Lucas' e/c eyes, replaced by starry amazement.

He handed him the action figure.

"If you wish to see him, you need only walk into the palace. If you run into trouble just call for Lilia. Now then, perhaps I should get going and tell them you're alright."

Lucas nodded eagerly and squeezed him before letting go.

"Thanks, Dad!"

Your eyes met Malleus' one last time before he disappeared again, leaving green fireflies in his wake.

"In Ruins" Masterlist

[mcufan72]

Cold winter days, a lonely woman on a bench, a stranger in the park...

An Encounter in Winter ❄️

Loki and female reader

Chapter 3

Chapter 1 / Chapter 2

18+/adult themes/talking/flirting/slow burn/fluff/angst/smut (eventually)

Warnings: none but lots of flirting, some lusting for each other and getting more physical, Thor being a nice big brother and some angst in the end

Sitting in the lovely café in the afternoons became a part of your daily meetings, too. One week later, as you and Loki had planned, you visited the art gallery. There were not many people visiting the exhibition today but it was a nice location with interesting and impressive pieces of art.

When you two stood in front of another impressive art object you felt Loki looking intensely at you again.

Most of the time Loki's attention was dedicated to you. His gazes lingered more on you than on the pictures and art objects. You felt him looking at you all the time but you didn't find it unpleasant. Truth be told, you loved it. It was balm to your soul…and you liked that he was so distracted by you. It was cute and he was adorable.

"Something else caught your attention, Mr.Laufeyson?" You teased him, mischievously grinning and still staring at the object.

"Oh..ahhmm..no..yes, I'm..ahhm sorry, I didn't want to stare but you…you are …a piece of art too…a very beautiful one." he stammered and complimented you with reddening cheeks.

His pathetic tries to flirt with you were awkward. He wasn't good at it. Seducing a woman was much easier for him.

You laughed lightly and faced him. You found it quite adorable how he tried to flirt with you.

"I'm absolutely not, Mr.Laufeyson but thank you for that wonderful compliment. Shall we see the next room?"

"Yes, let us go to the next room..and you are beautiful, Lady y/n."

"Stop that, otherwise I'm starting to believe it!" you whispered smiling at him and you hooked your arm with his and went together to the next room.

After visiting the art gallery you two went straight to the café. You were the only guests today and Loki wondered why.

"It's December 24th, the people are busy with Christmas preparations and getting everything ready for Christmas Day tomorrow," you explained to him.

"Oh, okay. I'm just wondering because I'm not very familiar with midga–...with some traditions."

"You don't celebrate Christmas with your family?"

"No…not really and I'm not really into it to celebrate such things. My brother and his friends do. But I wasn't aware that's a general thing here."

"Yes, I get that. I loved Christmas when I was a child. And when I lived in Norway I loved celebrating Christmas together with my then-fiancé and our lovely neighbours. I loved the Norwegian traditions and customs. Especially the tradition on 'Jul Aften' when brooms and mops were hidden to prevent the night trips of the crazy ghosts and evil witches who wreak havoc on Christmas night."

"That sounds awesome and funny, I love me some mischief and havoc-wreaking too," Loki said.

"Yessss, it can be really fun sometimes," and you laughed.

"Are you familiar with such traditions and customs Mr.Laufeyson?"

"I am…no…not really." He tried hard to avoid sounding suspicious.

"I also heard something about Norse mythology when I lived in Norway but didn't delve deeper into the details. I have always been too busy with work. But I found it quite interesting …god of thunder, all-father Odin, the only Norse gods I've heard about…did you know that there are days of the week which are named after them?"

"I…don't know that much about it, no… but it sounds interesting, indeed."

You saw Loki tensing and squirming on his chair and you wondered why. Did you say something wrong? Loki hoped you wouldn't dwell deeper on the subject. Of course, he knew everything about it.

"And nowadays you prefer to be here together with me instead of preparing everything for tomorrow?" Loki asked you, carefully changing the subject.

He tried to relax again. He didn't want to ruin this wonderful date with you.

"There's nothing to celebrate for me and I'm alone as you know. I definitely prefer to sit here with you, it's so much nicer than being alone at home and I enjoy your company so much."

"I like to sit here with you too, Lady y/n and you are absolutely right, it's better than being alone at home," and he smiled and winked at you.

"Good afternoon Madam, Sir, the same drinks as every day?"

The waiter came to your table and wanted to take your orders.

You smiled brightly at Loki and then you looked at the waiter.

"No, today we would like to have two hot chocolates and to be precise two hot chocolates with whipped cream, marshmallows and strawberry-cinnamon syrup please."

"Some time ago you said you would like to taste hot chocolate later on…and I decided today is 'later' ," you said to Loki, brightly smiling at him and he couldn't hide his own very bright smile while he looked down at the table and he sucked the lowerlipbetweenhis teeth.

"Two hot chocolate with whipped cream, marshmallows and strawberry-cinnamon syrup, our Christmas edition, a very good choice, thank you, Madam," the waiter repeated and off he went to prepare your order.

"I can't argue with that," and he approved it with a helpless gesture of his hands, looking at you with puppy eyes.

He was kind of devoted to you already and he loved it. You held a tiny bit of power over him already. Something he would never have expected. Something he would never have allowed anyone else to have over him.

When the waiter had served your hot chocolates, you both took your mugs in your hands, ready to enjoy the sweet liquid.

"Gød Jul, Mr.Laufeyson."

"Gød Jul, Lady y/n."

"You're …pronouncing it perfectly " you wondered and frowned.

"I just …repeated what you said," he answered.

There was something about it, you felt it clearly.

After drinking some sips of the cocoa you both had a seam of whipped cream on your upper lips and you two laughed about it.

Loki looked at you, lovingly, unsure what to do and then within a millisecond without further hesitation he slowly stretched his arm out over the table. He put his angled index finger under your chin and rubbed his thumb tip gently, almost tenderly over your lips, collecting the rest of the cream from your upper lip. His blue eyes were fixed on yours.

Why was he so handsome, so desirable? His touch wandered like a warm wave through your body and it made you shiver. You nearly sucked his thumb into your mouth to lick it clean. Of course, you didn't, you wouldn't dare do it. He was your acquaintance, not your lover.

Your velvety lips felt so soft and warm. It must feel like being in Valhalla to kiss them or to be kissed by you. How much he wanted you to suck his thumb into your mouth and feel your warm tongue licking it clean. Filthy thoughts came to his mind while he licked the gathered cream off his thumb tip and it demanded a certain self-control to suppress these thoughts and the upcoming feeling in his stomach and his crotch.

He should stop thinking about you like that. You were his acquaintance, not his lover.

When he thought he had gained his composure back, you did the same with him. Now you rubbed your thumb tip gently over his lips, gathering the cream off his upper lip, your fingers gently placed at his cheek. His lips were so soft, so kissable and you licked the cream you had collected from his lips off your thumb, your eyes never leaving his.

You thought about how it must feel to be kissed by him, his soft lips on yours, grazing further over your cheeks down to your neck, to your clavicle …you should stop daydreaming, immediately because it would never happen.

You two didn't know what to do now. Was that too physical? Too intimate? Did you overstep the private boundaries of the other? To touch each other like this felt good for both of you and yet you felt shy and you didn't know what to say. What you two just had done was exciting and embarrassing at the same time.

"Do you like it?" You asked him to break the silence.

"What do I like?" Loki was still lost in thoughts about you.

"Hot Chocolate? Do you like it?" You asked him with a quizzical look in your eyes and softly smiling.

"Oh! Yes, yes it's delicious. It's sweet and creamy and warms the soul."

"Yes, indeed, it does. That's why I love it so much," you smiled warmingly at him.

Why did he affect you so much? You were afraid one day you would be completely devoted to him and deeply in love with him. But does it really exist, the deep, genuine, reciprocated and unwavering love?

With Loki it seems possible for you but it would never happen. He would never reciprocate your growing feelings for him. He remained guarded.

After some more chit-chat, time had come to go home. You paid the drinks this time, said your goodbye to Loki and as every day he helped you into your coat and passed you your beanie and your scarf.

"It was a wonderful afternoon, Mr.Laufeyson. Thank you so much!" and you wrapped your scarf around your neck.

"My pleasure, Lady y/n."

You crinkled up your nose and smiled, he was so adorable. Loki got you whenever he called you a Lady.

Today you were extremely adorable for him, every cell of his body seemed to tingle.

"Will we meet again tomorrow? I mean …it's Christmas. Maybe you have other plans?"

"Maybe we can have supper together, too?" he asked cautiously.

"I assure you I don't have other plans. Of course, we will meet tomorrow, Mr.Laufeyson. There's nothing better than spending tomorrow's afternoon together with you again."

"Maybe!" You nodded promisingly at him.

"See you tomorrow, Lady y/n. Same time, same place?"

"Same time, same place, Mr. Laufeyson."

His charming smile enchanted you and made it hard for you to leave.

On your way back home shortly after you had left Loki and the café you got a phone call. It was your colleague from work. Actually, the next two days would be your days off but they needed you to come and help them because two colleagues got sick.

"Yes, of course, I can come. A double shift? No, no problem, you know that I won't celebrate Christmas. The day after tomorrow, too…the early shift? Hmmh, yes okay, no problem either. Okay! See you tomorrow, bye," and you ended the call.

And then it hit you. Damn, you were on a date with Loki tomorrow again, in the afternoon as usual and for the first time in the evening, too! But you couldn't let your colleague down either. You should tell him, you had to, he would wait for you tomorrow. You turned around on your heels and you ran hurriedly back to the café.

But Loki was already gone and the café had already closed. What should you do now? You neither knew where he lived nor did you have his phone number. And also there was no one you could ask. He wasn't meeting other people here except…you sighed sadly.

You didn't want to think about him meeting other women to dispel the darkness of the night with amorous activities. But who could blame him, he was extremely handsome, sexy, extraordinarily charming and incredibly hot.

You would try to get away from work tomorrow for just half an hour or so, so you could explain to him why you won't have time to meet him and how much you feel sorry about that. But maybe he wouldn't even care if you came or not. You weren't that important to him, were you?

Loki didn't want to go home yet after you had left the café. His brother and colleagues were knee-deep in final Christmas preparations and he wasn't interested in getting involved. To spend the day tomorrow with you was a completely different thing because it was about spending time with you.

He decided to go to his favourite bar, but unlike before he wasn't in the mood today to take a woman home into his bed to sweeten up his night. He definitely didn't want to.

Two days. You didn't come for two days. Loki was concerned beyond belief. On Christmas day he waited for you in the park like every day. He waited for one hour, two hours, he went to the café but you weren't there either. He was not only concerned, but he was also sad. Didn't you want to see him anymore? Did something change your mind?

Was he too distant and guarded all the time? Or did you feel offended by his touch of your lips the last time you two met? It was quite intimate, wasn't it? Maybe too intimate. But to just not come wouldn't be your style to let him know about that. You would tell him the truth. You would always say what you think, what you like or dislike.

When you didn't come the second day, he nearly panicked. That wasn't you. Something must have happened to you. He decided to go back home after waiting for you for more than three hours and he would look for you tomorrow. He must find you, how was he supposed to not care about you, how was he supposed to be without you ever again? But where should he start to look for you? He neither knew where you lived nor where your working place was.

"Loki, are you okay?"

"What?"

"Are you okay? You seem concerned. Something happened?" Thor asked his brother, while Loki got rid of his coat and his jacket after he returned to Stark Tower and tossed it both on a chair. His scarf followed.

"No..yes…I don't know," and he traced his fingers over his head through his hair and shoved his hands finally into the pockets of his trousers.

Thor furrowed his eyebrows. He hadn't seen his brother like this for a very long time.

"Is it about a girl? Did one of your bedmates become too affectionate?"

"What? No! You know that I know how to avoid that!" Loki snapped.

"So what is it? You seemed happier recently. Youuu… smile more often when you think nobody sees you."

"Don't mock me!" said Loki slightly indignant and walked a few steps towards Thor who took a few steps backwards.

"Okay, okay calm down brother," and he raised his hands reassuringly.

"Tell me. What is it that keeps your mind busy?"

"You're right. It's a woman," Loki started hesitantly to tell his brother.

"We…have been meeting for several weeks now. Daily…every afternoon in a park."

"Daily? Really every day? Are you courting her? I mean, you still meet ladies who mess up your bed sheets …"

"She's none of them. She is…different, and so adorable. She's not that kind of woman who looks for a one-night-stand…"

"But you want to bed her, let her warm you under your sheets?" Thor asked teasingly.

"No…Yes…I…I don't know to be honest."

"So she's not your type?"

"She definitely is my type, she's beautiful and warmhearted and lovable…but as I said, she's different. But… I'm not her type I guess and… she's too good for me. After spending some time in the park we always visit a nice café to talk and drink something. She loves hot chocolate with whipped cream and marshmallows… It's wonderful to spend time with her. It's comforting to have her around me."

Loki smiled with dreamy eyes. He could rhapsodize about you the whole day.

"Ahhh you like her, I mean, you really like her and stuff like flirting with her, holding her hands, smitten looks…" Thor said knowingly and a wide grin appeared on his face.

"Hi, guys! Who loves hot chocolate with whipped cream and marshmallows?" Peter asked while he went past them.

"The girl Loki dates and is in love with." Thor grinned.

"Ah, cool. Is she nice, Mr. Loki? Bring her here though, Nat, Wanda and Pepper could use some female field assistance!" Peter said carefree while walking backwards to the kitchen.

"Stop that, both of you, I'm not courting her and I'm not in love with her. She is…just a good acquaintance," Loki growled angrily.

"Calm down, Loki. But why are you so concerned then?"

"Okay, okay Mr. Loki," said Peter apologizing and vanishing quickly towards the compound's kitchen.

"She didn't come, Thor. For two days now. Neither to the park nor to the café. She lives alone, Thor. I…I'm concerned something may have happened to her. I don't know what to do. If she still doesn't show up tomorrow I'll be looking for her in the whole city, no matter how long or what it takes!"

"So you don't know where she lives? Don't you have her phone number?"

"No, she never let me escort her to her home and we never exchanged phone numbers. Only Hel knows why we didn't. And she doesn't know where I live. I never told her…I didn't dare to tell her…I lacked the courage."

"Try to calm down a bit, there will be a reason for her absence, Loki. She will be there tomorrow. I'm sure." Thor said, convinced.

"I fervently hope you're right, brother!"

❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️

Jul Aften - Christmas Eve

Gød Jul - Merry Christmas

Tags:

@lokisprettygirl @wheredafandomat @lokixryss @fictive-sl0th @huntress-artemiss

[felix-lupin]

Decided I should finally write a pinned post so have this.

Call me Felix! anu soweli Lupen ★ They/them, but he/him is ok too. ill use it for myself sometimes.

Partnering Aro ★ Asexual ★ Transmasc🏳️‍⚧️ ★ Masc + Neutral Nouns

My Ao3 is FelixLupin. I write when I feel like it and have time.

Art (& writing ig?) requests n stuff are open but I reserve the right to Take Forever or just Not.

If triggers are tagged they will be tagged with just the trigger and/or trigger tw when I remember (this is not very reliable though). So, e.g., #flashing or #flashing tw. mentions/discussions of things, if tagged, will just be tagged as the thing (so, "sex" rather than "sex mention")

Other stuff under the read more. Tags, fandoms, my banner id, other stuff

Status: 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️

(Status last edited: June 1st, 2024, 1:45 PM)

Last Edited (besides 'status'): October 21st, 2024 (fandoms + tags)

[banner ID: six drawings of Susie from Deltarune. (From left to right and top to bottom). The first is a full body drawing of her in her Darkworld form holding an axe over her shoulder. The second is a drawing of her head in her Lightworld form, with wide eyes and angrily proclaiming in all caps "I don't have a tail!!! Stop asking!". An arrow points towards her that says in all caps "Lying." The third is a head drawing of her in her Darkworld form, looking at the camera with a grin and a neutral pleased/knowing expression on her face. The fourth is a head drawing of her in her Darkworld form, face shaded and only one glowing eye showing while she angrily grins, appearing to snarl. The fifth is a full body drawing of her in her Darkworld form, doing the defense battle pose where she crosses two arms over her chest in an X shape. The sixth is a full body drawing of her in her Lightworld form, hands in her pockets and smiling neutrally. End ID.]

My Tags:

#animal arsenal = Animals!!! I will also usually tag it with whatever animal it is (the plural of the animal; so if it is a picture of a dog i will tag it #animal arsenal #dogs, and if it is a video of a crow I will tag it #animal arsenal #birds #crows) as well as the toki pona classification (soweli, waso, kijetesantakalu, akesi, etc.)

#art arsenal = Other peoples' (usually, but not always, specifically non-fandom) art. This includes writing. I will usually try to tag it with whatever kind of art it is as well (drawing, painting, writing, poetry).

#ask game! :3 = ask games

#ccccposting = my cccc posts tag bc i dont want to maintag it all the time

#classics = Pretty self-explanatory. Things I consider to be "tumblr classics"

#cotlposting = my cult of the lamb posts tag bc i dont want to maintag it all the time

#do queue think even the worst person can change…? = queue tag. i do not tag this reliably because i only really use it when xkit autotags it for me<2

#skyrimposting = my Skyrim tag

#felix artwolf = My art/drawing tag

#felixlupin.txt = Original posts

#tumblr games <2 = Answers for ask games, tag games, picrews, etc

#hello people in my phone = My ask tag

#tmagposting = my the magnus archives tag

#🌫️the one alone🌫️ = my tag for The Lonely (Magnus Archives fear)

#mi awen e ni = Toki Pona for "I am saving this." Saved stuff / stuff that i am saving for later

#mi moku e ni = Toki Pona for "I'm eating this." Stuff that's very good and I like it a lot. Started saying this in reference to that "[watching/reading/listening to] x isn't good enough i need to eat it" meme. So, stuff that reading/seeing it isn't good enough i need to eat it.

#ni li ante e toki mi = Toki Pona for "this changed my speech." Posts that changed my vocabulary. Posts that I reference in my daily life in my speech and think about often.

#soweli Lupen li toki = toki pona post tag. like if im using toki pona, or if I'm talking about toki pona.

#writing lupin = My writing tag

#writing wares = Others' posts relating to writing, such as writing advice, memes, etc. Forgot I had this tag tbh I'm gonna try to start using it again

Fandom Stuff

I am in a lot of different fandoms tbh. what im mostly focusing on will be different based on my mood. RN it's mostly Chonny Jash.

Fandoms I'm in:

The Magnus Archives <- my hyperfixation rn <2 I go insane over Tim, I miss Sasha, I am Staring at Jon and Martin is literally me fr /silly.

Chonny Jash/CCCC (Chonny's Charming Chaos Compendium). <- I have a lot of Mind thoughts. I have thoughts about all of them tbh, but Mind thoughts specifically.

Camp Here & There <- SYDNEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY<2222222. thats all i have to say. ALSO ROWAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNN<2222222

Undertale & Deltarune. <- Always at least a little mentally ill about both of them, esp Undertale. I would kill and die for Chara, Flowey, and Susie btw

Helluva Boss <- Most active for a day or two whenever a new episode/thing comes out.

Hazbin Hotel <- A reblog here and there. It was okay

Good Omens <- I like Crowley a lot. Put that guy (gender neutral) in Situations

Avatar: The Last Airbender <- Love all of the characters from ATLA tbh. Great show 10/10 no notes

Five Night's at Freddy's <- This was my first fandom! So it has a lot of nostalgia for me. I liked the movie, it was fun. Favorite animatronics are Foxy and Mangle bc I'm basic like that.

Gravity Falls <- Haven't re-watched it in a while but I still hold a lot of fondness and love for it. sitelen tawa ni li pona mute tawa mi (this show is very good from my perspective)

Cult of the Lamb <- I like this game a lot! I think it is very fun and I like the fanart that people make for it. I replay it alot bc ona li musi tawa mi (it is fun to me). #1 Shamura lover btw I would kill and die for them. if I was a character in the game I would be one of Shamura's disciples, just so we're clear

The Owl House <- When the Owl House was coming out Hunter got a chokehold on me and forced me into a hyperfixation on the show face-first.

Other Stuff

I am physically incapable of shutting up sorry (i am not sorry). Unless I get locked in gay tumblr baby jail (hit the post limit), then i shut up.

As you could probably tell from the other sections, I know a little Toki Pona. My Toki Pona is not very good so please forgive me if I say something incorrectly. I may sometimes throw some of it in tags n such to practice.

I reserve the right to call things kijetesantakalu that are not technically kijetesantakalu based solely on vibes. foxes and seals are kijetesantakalu tawa mi

Banners <2

[IDs in alt text]

[cosmic-ships]

Here my friend!! 🎫 A pass for you to gush about whoever you would like! :3 (dragonsmooch)

Hi, I've had this since the start of January and back then I didn't have the ability to gush because I wasn't sinking in feelings of a love I didn't know I could have again SO hello! Hi, I'm sorry about what I'm about to unleash on you :3 incoherent gush incoming!

UNDER READ MORE CAUSE L O N G

Ahem Chapter 1. kldjdlskf

What's to say that I've not already said? Ben has completely taken over, not just my blog but my heart and soul. what can I say? I feel hard and I fell fast. It's hard to describe but he has this aura about him (aside from when he was initially a jackass lol) but later there's an aura about him that I just feel connected to. I also relate to his youth as my youth was similar in a sense of us both feeling like our parent(s) were never there for us. They were always busy doing something else leaving us to our own devices it was lonely. Anyways I won't get too much into it but I do relate with a lot of things that Ben goes through they aren't extreme by a long shot but I get what he did the things he did. I don't condone it in the slightest but I do understand.

If I was anywhere else telling any other people that Ben actually makes me feel alive and excited to wake up in the morning they would probably tell me I was crazy and to seek professional help because they don't understand. It's true though Ben not only sparked my creativity but he sparked my love for life again. To open my eyes and be excited for what will happen in the day as opposed to waking up and wishing I could just go back to bed. He helps me remember daily tasks. "He'd want me to _" I have felt so much happier ever since Ben came into my life.

Want to hear a funny story? I don't know if you were following me at the time but I did see Th.e Fo.rc.e Aw.ake.ns in thatres when it came out(Which I have to fix on my own gush post because it made it sound like I didn't see the first one when I did lol) anyways I mentioned it very briefly on my old self-ship blog that I thought Ky.l.o R.e.n was badass and I admitted that he was pretty cute- I guess the universe wasn't ready for us to find each other yet. Least that's what I like to think. I didn't need him like I do right now.

It's so baffling to me, like my logical side knows he's a fictional man but then the rest of me just feels overwhelmed by the love and happiness I feel merely just thinking about him to the point where I feel like he is actually my real boyfriend as if somewhere in time and space there is a universe out there where we actually exist together and that universe is sending signals or crossing over and I'm feeling what the other me feels everyday, its sounds very idiotic when I say it out loud but it's something I like to think about often.

Ben really said "I'm here now and I'm going ensure you're never unhappy ever again" Really, when friends message me or I'm tagged in something or anything really there are moments where I catch myself, I didn't fake the smile I smiled with my eyes too. I'm genuinely happy and excited to hear about my friends ships. That's not to say I wasn't excited before but it would always get that pang in my heart "Why can I feel like that too?" and then I'd feel really sad. For the longest time I felt like I was a malfunction.

chapter 2 where I talk about the feral man's appearance and actually get to the gushing.

Oh cute, you thought I was kidding about the chapters /lh

This man has such a grip on me. He's the most beautiful man I've ever laid my eyes on. for real, he makes my heart melt. He's tall and handsome what's not to love?

His eyes are absolutely gorgeous! Those beautiful brown eyes, like sunlight shining through a whiskey glass. I love how his eyes can look so honeyed in some scenes and then when it's dark they look like beautiful pools of obsidian. His gaze is intense and I will be the first to admit it makes me weak in the knees.

I love his lips too..they're so full and the look so soft~ I love imagining kissing him more often than I like to admit. Our lips would fit so perfectly together. I also sort of like it when he pouts, something doesn't quite go his way and its a pout~ It's actually really cute.

I. LOVE. THIS. MANS. SMILE! and its such a shame that I only get to see his precious smile just ONCE and it has to be a stupid dumb canon x canon moment. Thankfully I can tune the other one out and just focus on Ben and gods his smile completely ruined me in the best of ways! he has the prettiest smile I've ever seen. He smiles and it feels like a ray of light engulfs my entire heart and I can't help but smile too because his smile is so contagious!!!

I love his hands too, might sound weird ik but just thinking about him locking his fingers with mine as he holds my hand fills my stomach with butterflies~

you see I did good, I waited until now to say, I think about gripping this mans hair and running my hands through it SO OFTEN its a problem! I love his hair, its so thick and when its all messy and he looks all disheveled I feel my face explode. (Meaning I instantly blush and its too hot for my cheeks lol)

Did you read this far? THANKS IM SORRY I just have a lot of feelings for this man. He means the absolute world to me and I am so so happy! /srs Thank you for letting me gush and I'm sorry it took so long!

THIS MAN IS EVERYTHING TO ME <3

[tophat-cy]

It's that time of the year again, huh?

Hello everyone! Here is TopHat_Cy with probably the last Tumblr post of this year. Since 2023 is coming to a close, I'll just put down a little summary of the experiences I had this year. Let's get started ^v^ ✨💗!

⚠️CW/TW since there may possibly be some ranting and/or venting at some points⚠️

To be honest here, 2023 was pretty rough, and I'm not talking about that I had the baccalaureate in June, oh no. I was honestly waiting for that time so I can just do myself after that, right after I supported 4 years in that hellpit people called it high-school (or pedagogic college...whatever 🙄), just to get like over 3 months later on a worse hellpit called college, where all my personal issues has awakened...and felt horrible and lonelier like I've never been.

Despite being in overall horrible, high-school was great because mostly because I wasn't feeling the loneliness and self misery I feel now. Now that I'm at college I get almost hit daily by the fact that 1) I'm lonely and I'll always remain lonely (since who tf wants a little antisocial freak who literally draws all day lmao??) 2) I'm worthless, mostly because my French skills (at least) suck, and a good amount of my marks suck as well in comparison with other students (and honestly I wouldn't be bothered that much about this fact if it wasn't for my mom who haves the great habit to remind me by times to make sure I take big marks only to get the scholarship, hahahaha shut up bitch), which guess what, it makes me feel ✨horrible✨, and 3) Your life is a pure lie. This is sooooooooooo great isn't it :D ??!

*sigh*

I realized within my current college experience that I'm lonely not only in society, but with my own mom. I realized I'm even more of a worst daughter than I ever thought...I realized that I'm getting more horrible as the time goes by, or at least this is how I feel. I feel like losing myself slowly, becoming into nothing but a setinent shell of the former self. With those realizations, I'm getting hit in the face once again by the most saddest fact that I've encountered so far in my life but I always tend to forget it to make myself feel better (but you know how life is...it needs to offer you some lemons in the eyes 👁️👁️)...

...the fact that my life is nothing but a pure LIE.

But hey! Can we look into the bright side of what this year offered for some hot minutes?? It's not all black and misery! I had part of wonderful and fun times with my boyfriend (we did Whiteboards and rambled about our silly stuff like two neurodivergents that we are 😁✨), I had part of several fanart moments from people, I had Art Fight (yeaaaaah, our old pal Art Fight, which kinda started to become a pain in the ass every year when I have to bring my REFs up to date for this event...mmmmmmm 😊/pure af hot sarcasm, but honestly here, do I really care :D ???), I even joined my first Original Characters Tournament, Ressurection, in which I met wonderful people which appreciate my skills and also willing to help and support. And most importantly, I had YOU! All of you! If it wasn't for you guys, I definitely wouldn't been here, sharing this thoughts with YOU. And I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart, once again ❤️!

As a mini conclusion to all of this speech, I'll admit that this year was still decent so far, with all it's ups and downs, along with the fact that I'm returning myself at being genderfluid (hence the Pic at the very beginning of the post lmao :')) )

The latest events from this year at least made me think that being feminine related makes me feel worthless about myself, and I don't want to feel like that anymore. I want to be strong at its full and I want to feel and be free with who I am. I'm not the most social person, yes. I'm far off from being a great daughter, yes of course, and I'm definitely far from being the best person out alive, or at least a great one. But at least I want to do something about it, so I can have the right to say that I tried my best for real.

So, that's it. I'm genderfluid. I go by he/they/cee from now on (although cee/ceer pronouns are most likely optional, like if you want to use them, go ahead, although I'll still be ok if you used the he/they ones, just don't refer to me with she/her or any fem aligned pronouns).

🌙⭐Plans for 2024⭐🌙

(aka my favorite part from this post so far 🤓)

Just like everyone else, I have prepared some future plans for the next year and which I'd like to share with you. Here they are!

I want to make EITHER an OCT or a world-building RP server somewhere around February-March or later (I would've done it sooner, but I have to prepare for the exam session in January). The OCT thing may take a while though since I want it to be good, so this plan might get extended for 2025 as well. As for the world-building RP thing, with some effort, it could be done next year.

Returning on developing some miscellaneous projects - those being Insanity AU and a somewhat game-like concept that my boyfriend made plans about it in this year and which I'd like to develop on. Insanity AU is a thing that I've made with dustyisegg back in 2022 but discontinued it for 9 months due to [DATA EXPUNGED] and resumed it's development, by remaking the characters and their plot entirely. (Dusty if you see this tell me if you still want to work on this, yeah yeah I'm a huge procrastinator lawl 👾✨)

JToH, JToH, JToH projects - my dear and beloved JToH...(I've been in this Fandom for almost 3 years...more than I've been in the Doll Eye one, can you believe that?). Most of those projects will consist on simply designing new towerhumans, respectively redesigning the old ones. Along with that I have a comic project which I will start making it's script soon enough, other side projects that I have in my mind...and JToHVerse, which I don't know when it's that going to be started (earliest date will apparently be around 2025, but let's see how the comic project goes 🤷🏻‍♀️)

Putting some content in Toyhouse - a thing that I should worry about eventually ;v;

GET YOUR ARTFIGHT SPIRIT BACK PSYCHE 😩!!!

The last but not the least...To start developing at least one of my original storylines FOR FUCK'S SAKE 😂😂😂!!!!!! I've been waiting for this for years already hajshshdvbssb :')) I'm not sure which of them is going to come out tho. Definitely not PK though, that one will most likely get an extend to next year.

So...I guess that's it??

I'm going to assure you with two things before I finish. First of them is that, again I think, I'm fine. I'm not upset or anything. I had hard times like everyone else (maybe) this year and I had to left it out somehow. But in rest everything is alright, so don't worry about me. I will keep existing for you and for what I love ^v^.

The second thing that I will say is about this blog. Starting with January 1st, I do not allow anyone below the age of 15 to interact. I have an age now, and at this point I want to entertain people, not to babysit them. So don't get upset if you possibly get blocked, that would be one of the reasons (I hope to remember to unblock you after you get the age hhgjgjfjf 😅)

That's it guys! If you read til here, thank you very much for the attention and time spent on reading this. Hope everyone haves a wonderful 2024 and nice days! See ya around 💗💗💗!

[sureuncertainty]

I posted 1,280 times in 2022

218 posts created (17%)

1,062 posts reblogged (83%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@elytrians

@ablednt

@annieisyourfavourite

@neoncomets

@marcusbrutus

I tagged 1,101 of my posts in 2022

Only 14% of my posts had no tags

#win rambles - 181 posts

#laugh rule - 47 posts

#my art - 35 posts

#my characters - 29 posts

#dracula daily - 27 posts

#the silence agenda - 27 posts

#undescribed - 26 posts

#all for the game - 24 posts

#ref - 23 posts

#yeah - 22 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#i really haven't gotten a good round of feedback and i'm doing another round of edits before revising my query and goign back into querying

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

“no one likes a mad woman/

what a shame she went mad”

24 notes - Posted January 24, 2022

#4

I'm gonna build me an empire And it's lonely at the top But madness and greatness Can both share a face And nobody will ever convince me to stop

(Version without dramatic lighting below)

39 notes - Posted March 24, 2022

#3

today i had the children’s tour at work which is lowkey my favorite but also probably the most exhausting tour and my voice was already rundown so I was a little stressed about it. I had about six or seven very small children (probably like between 5 - 7 years old), some of whom were VERY enthusiastic about Titanic

anyway after the tour when i was catching my breath, i was talking to some of the kids from it in the gift shop. a little boy who had been asking questions the whole time (he was also wearing a captain’s hat) had chosen a little stuffed bear from the gift shop that was labeled a crew member. he asked me what the bear’s name was and I told him that he should come up with the name. he had told me that his favorite story that I had told on the tour was the story of Frederick Barrett (a fireman in the boiler room who’d saved about 70 people from being crushed in a lifeboat... look it up it’s an amazing story) which also happened to be one of my favorites of the crew stories. So I suggested he name it after him

NOT EVEN THINKING about the fact that because it was a stuffed bear, he could name it Frederick BEARett. his parents also found this great, and so that’s what we all decided to name the stuffed bear

i just hope that Frederick Barrett is somewhere in the afterlife happy to have his legacy carried on by a little stuffed bear with his name but as a pun. I know he had a sense of humor so I’d say it’s pretty likely

46 notes - Posted March 26, 2022

#2

doodle of my new blorbo, Andrew Minyard, who did nothing wrong (except for the atrocities)

i love him so much it hurts

65 notes - Posted November 28, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

look at this family, a glowing constellation, so full of stars and everybody wants to shine

99 notes - Posted January 15, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[transboythoughts]

Personal dilemmas

I've been journaling a lot lately and for some reason think it's a good idea to do that on the internet for the whole world to potentially see. But really I'm just lonely and don't feel like I can talk to anyone in my real life.

I've made a lot of mistakes since I came out as trans and I'm kind of hoping that someone might read this and tell me they understand.

I came out publicly about 2.5 years ago after questioning my gender for a year. I was in a fortunate position where I was over 18 so didn't have to worry about permission from anyone, so I started transitioning straight away. I've been on T for 2 years and I'm 1 year post-op for top surgery. I've never felt better about my body and people actually see me as a guy which is more than I ever thought possible.

But like I said before, I have made a lot of mistakes. None of them had to do with my medical transition, that I have absolutely no regrets about. The social aspects of my transition however have been less than stellar.

If anyone does read this, I would like to say that everything I have to say further I can only say because I have thought about it extensively and now have the understanding and language to write about why I did the things I did. But at the time of these events, I was blind to my reasons and purely acting out of my emotions.

So, let's go back to when I came out. I was really nervous and took my time to tell people individually. My friends were first. I knew them all from high school and, like I knew they would be, they were very accepting. My family was also accepting. There was still awkwardness with some more extended family members but overall it went very positively. But through this whole coming out process I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. I was convinced that people weren't as accepting as they said they were and that they would all abandon me eventually. So I became very distant. I stopped talking to my sister as much, I froze my mum out (but that's a long story and involves a lot of history that isn't just me being trans), and I essentially broke up with all of my friends.

But it wasn't just as cut and dry as that. It was a long drawn-out process of people trying to reach me and talk to me and asking if I was okay. And I was telling everyone I was totally fine, that I was happy, and that I still wanted them in my life. I would make plans with my friends, and then cancel last minute. I would leave messages unread for days or weeks from people that I used to speak to daily. And while I was clearly not okay, I wasn't in a headspace to understand that. Every time someone tried to talk to me about it and explain how my distancing myself was affecting them, I became so defensive. Well, defensive internally. I was so convinced that I was okay that I couldn't see how my actions didn't line up with that. So I kept telling everyone that I was okay, or it was just dysphoria and that I really appreciated them checking in and promised we would really hang out soon.

I really thought I was lying when I said it was dysphoria causing me to distance myself. I was using it as an excuse when people didn't let up on their concerns because no one argued with it. But I was lying to myself. I had only ever thought of dysphoria in terms of my body. Like how I saw myself in the mirror and how others made assumptions about me based on my body. I hadn't given any thought to how much social dysphoria was affecting me and still does. I was trying to run away from anything I associated with my "old life" as a girl because everything I was was too girly and I couldn't handle it. The thought that everyone who knew me as a girl for the first 21 years of my life could never see me as the man I am and that we couldn't have the same relationships as before, it consumed me.

I don't deal well with conflict or anything I perceive as potential conflict, so I avoided everyone. Eventually, after this had been going on for months, my friends confronted me. It was over messages, and they came to me with concern and zero malice and asked just one last time if I could please just talk to them and if we could hang out and just be in each others lives. And I said no. I told them that I didn't appreciate them attacking me and that I couldn't do this anymore. I said that I needed to deal with things on my own and I would come back when I was ready. I then left all the group chats I was part of with them and deleted messenger so I wouldn't get notifications if they tried to message me. But they didn't. I had just basically told them to fuck off after almost 10 years of friendship, so why would they. I had fucked with their emotions for months and then gone back on everything I had said about appreciating them. I threw away our friendship, and at the time I felt nothing.

A similar thing happened with my sister. We got really close during COVID lockdowns after having a rocky relationship before. Being stuck in the same house without anything else to do really helped us bond after 20 years. She was understandably concerned when I came out that we wouldn't have the same sisterly connection, and I promised I wouldn't let that happen. But like with my friends, I became distant and stopped talking to her as much. We lived together at the time so obviously we still saw each other, but our relationship wasn't the same. She would try to raise her concerns about me and get me to talk. But I was doing the same thing I always do, and trying to convince everyone that I was okay because I couldn't admit to myself that I wasn't. She accused me of changing, but I didn't think I had so I denied it and said it was just dysphoria making things hard for me. I was avoiding my mum at the same time and my sister felt like our family was falling apart. It got to the point where she told me that she wasn't going to try anymore and that if I wanted a relationship with her then it would all be on me. And we've barely spoken since. That was a year and a half ago. During that time I have moved out with my partner, and now that I don't see my sister daily, we've spoken even less.

I'm noticing a pattern in my life. Every time I feel uncomfortable I want to run away. When I was a kid this wasn't possible because I didn't break rules, so I just fantasised about starting over somewhere new away from my problems. I have such a strong instinct to run away from everything and start over where no one knows me, and I didn't realise that that's exactly what I did. I didn't see it because it wasn't how I pictured. It wasn't physically leaving, but I did run away. And I thought I was okay with it was a long while. Internally I was blaming everyone else for abandoning me just like I had thought they would. But, I had created a self-fulling prophecy by letting myself be consumed by my own self-hatred. Because what I was really doing was trying to run away from my own uncomfortable thoughts and emotions, and I distanced myself from anyone that showed concern because that reminded me of what I was trying to avoid.

I can only see how I affected people now because I've finally stopped blaming everyone else. It is my own fault that I feel so lonely. But it's a different kind of loneliness. All my life I've felt lonely, even when I had friends because I never trusted that any of them loved me and so I never talked to anyone about how I felt. I've always hidden the "unpleasant" parts of myself to not be a burden. And after a life of telling people what I think they want to hear and doing what I think other people want me to do, I'm exhausted.

I doubled down on my people-pleasing after cutting myself off because I didn't want to lose anyone else. I only had my partner and my dad left. But now I'm in a place where I'm miserable every day because all my choices in the past two years have been to uphold the lie that I'm okay and happy. It terrifies me to think about actually telling people the truth about how I'm feeling because it involves admitting to years worth of lies and it's going to hurt them more to find out now than if I had just been honest in the first place.

I have tried to fix things with my friends and family, but I did too much damage for it to be fixed. Now I face a choice: do I keep pretending for the rest of my life, or do I do the right thing and admit to my lies? Because one option involves being miserable for the rest of my life, and the other will cause misery in others. I know the option I have to take and it's the one I want to choose. I just haven't let myself actively pursue the decision because it terrifies me since I don't know the outcome.

But that's getting off-topic. The point of this post was to get off my chest about how I've been feeling regarding cutting myself off from my loved ones. I wish I had a great life lesson or something to come away with. I guess this is more what I wish I knew would happen two years ago.

So I'll end this with some advice that I would give my slightly younger self (even though I wouldn't have listened). I'll preface this by saying that this would be advice I'd give myself in my very specific situation, so it may not apply to others.

To me from 2021,

Please believe it when people you care about say they love you. And please learn to communicate how you feel and what you want, because the people who love you do want to help, you just won't let them.

Also, this whole trying-to-please-everyone thing is going to burn you out very soon. Just take care of yourself first even if you think it's selfish. You desperately need to actually do something about making yourself happy, because thinking and writing it all out can only go so far. I know it's hard, but it's never going to be 'the right time' and you're never going to feel like you can. Go in scared and maybe just maybe, you'll end up in a better place.

Sincerely,

Your future self

[angellesword]

YOUR EYES TELL | JJK | 15 (FINAL)

Summary: You live in a world where people see in black and white. The solution to finally see the colors? It’s simple. You need to meet your soulmate and look at him in the eyes, but what if the person bound to you is already contented with the monochromatic world? What if…Jeongguk, your soulmate, is already in love with someone else?

Alternatively:

“A future without you is a world without color.”

Genre: soulmate au, e2l, slow burn, angst, fluff, roommate au

Pairing: Artist!Jungkook x Lawyer!Reader

Word Count: 4k

SERIES: CHAPTER 14 | SPECIAL CHAPTER 

"You sure you don't need anything?"

You weren't sure if it was annoyance or amusement that caused you to chuckle upon hearing hesitation in your father's voice.

"I'm good, Appa." You assured him, "it's just Jeongguk. Don't worry."

You were wrong. He wasn't worried because of Jeongguk. He was worried because of you.

"Okay," your father let out a deep sigh as he tried to calm his mind. "I trust your soulmate. Have fun, love."

And just like that, the call ended.

Soulmate.

After everything that had happened, your father still believed that Jeongguk was your soulmate.

You still did too. How could you deny that fact when you could clearly see colors now?

It had been four months since your eye surgery. You didn't think it was going to be a successful, mainly because you were convinced that Jeongguk's hatred towards you was the reason why you went blind.

Apparently, it was your fault.

You knew it was reckless to drive when you were under the influence of alcohol. This wasn't just about you. This was also about the people who could have suffered because of your stupidity.

Your father was actually disappointed in you. He didn't expect you to do something like this, especially because he knew that you had a careful approach in life.

You hated being a burden. Your greatest fear was to be the reason why someone was hurting. Your father didn't understand what ticked you to break out of character, and so he asked. He asked what was wrong—causing you to break into tears.

You couldn't keep this to yourself anymore.

You told him about everything you had been going through—like how your soulmate didn't love you and how stressful being a lawyer was.

Of course your father understood, but he told you that it wasn't an excuse to put yourself and other people in danger.

There were other ways to welcome or ignore pain. You agreed since it wasn't like you planned this to happen.

Your father didn't believe in you, though. He felt like you were trying to harm yourself. This was why he called you every single day. He wanted to make sure that you weren't driving or doing things you weren't supposed to do.

He freaked out when you told him that you were going out with Jeongguk tonight. It wasn't because he hated your soulmate. Admittedly, he felt like you were lying when you told him that Jeongguk didn't love you.

That can't be right. It was obvious. Your father had met your soulmate and he saw the way Jeongguk looked and talked about you. He couldn't be wrong; the boy destined to be with you was whipped—as in madly in love with you.

His claim turned out to be true when right after your surgery; you gasped and cried so hard because finally, you could see colors.

It was too good to be true. Was this seriously happening? Was Jeongguk really in love with you?

You couldn't tell.

You used to think that seeing colors was the indication of your soulmate's love for you, but it had been months now yet Jeongguk hadn't verbally told you that he loved you.

Sure. Actions spoke louder than words. You guessed you just had to be contented with this.

The past four months felt like a dream. Jeon Jeongguk, the most stubborn and egotistical person in the world, was acting like a lovesick fool because of you.

You told yourself that you did not want to love your soulmate. You stood by this. You had been ignoring Jeongguk's attempt to 'win you over.'

(Un)fortunately, the boy just wouldn't stop.

He would send you letters written in a small sticky note every day just to tell you the sappiest thing. On the other side of the sticky note, there's an exquisite drawing of every detail about you.

You realized that it was some sort of puzzle, but you hadn't really had the chance to piece it together because you were too caught up with the words written in the sticky notes.

Note 1 Red Red is the first color in the rainbow. She is my first love, but it ended. I'm saying this because I realized that the start isn't always the end. She’s the beginning, you are my end game.

This was the first note you had received from your soulmate. It was plastered on your front door—this was also the first thing you had seen after you had been discharged from the hospital.

Note 2 Orange Orange is the color I thought I know by heart. As it turns out, I've been fooled. I have been fooled by the world, but it's okay. You helped me see.

This note was unclear to you, yet it didn't fail to make your heart feel light. You weren't aware that Jeongguk was talking about how the florist who sold him orange tulips for almost a decade, the one who fooled him.

No one could take advantage of him now, though. You helped him with this problem.

Note 3 Yellow My mom said that yellow is the prettiest color. She also said that it shines the brightest. I'm glad I didn't believe her. It wasn't bright at all. It only reminds me of the time I thought I'll lose you.

It took you long to realize what he was implying.

Yellow.

This was the color of your shirt when your car crashed. Jeongguk remembered how dark life was when you were pushing him away.

Your soulmate had sent you hundreds of letters by now. All of his notes started with colors. Out of all the things he sent you, the yellow note was what stuck to you the most.

The black world was frightening. It felt cold and lonely and Jeongguk was exactly like that. He was lonely. He suffered from a major heartbreak that was why he turned cold. He hated what Red had done to him, but he wasn't really different from his ex-girlfriend.

Jeongguk hurt you the same way Red hurt him, but your soulmate was willing to do everything to make it up to you.

Aside from the notes, you also found out that Jeongguk was the one who cooked your food each day. You got mad at Red because she failed to tell you the truth. There was even a point wherein you stopped eating the food your soulmate had prepared since you literally didn't want to do anything with him anymore.

Jeongguk was still persistent. He would always pick you up from work and then he would ask if you wanted to grab dinner with him.

You always declined his offer to take you out. Turning him down was always part of your daily routine, so you didn't know what changed this Saturday night.

Why, after four months, did you finally accept Jeongguk’s attempt to ask you out?

"Can't resist his bambi eyes, can you?" Jimin laughed on the other line. Your best friend called right after your short phone conversation with your dad. It was like everyone was interested in your business tonight.

"It's just one date, Jimin," you rolled your eyes, yet the blush in your cheeks indicated that Jimin was right.

You still couldn't resist Jeon Jeongguk.

It wasn't like you were giving into him. No. It would take more than his wide, doe eyes to melt your cold, cold heart. He hurt you after all.

But last night was different.

You were supposed to have dinner with your subordinates since it was Friday, but then you spotted Jeongguk waiting outside the building of your small law firm.

He was standing there with trembling lips. Your soulmate was freezing under the cold winter, yet he still chose to wait for you.

You see, Jeon Jeongguk was banned from entering your office. You told the securities not to let him in since he was distracting everyone at work.

Your employees just couldn't stop gushing over your soulmate to the point that they weren't able to finish their task for the day. They were always trying to get Jeongguk's attention and the most annoying part was that your soulmate didn't seem to mind—not because he was a flirt too. It was actually because he was too naïve for his own good.

So yeah. You banned him from entering the building because he was a distraction and definitely not because you were blinded by your stupid jealousy. No. Not at all.

He was your soulmate, yes, but it didn't mean you had to stay together. The only thing you two should do was to try to be casual and not hate each other.

You couldn't afford to make Jeongguk hate you. This was the only rational reason why you agreed to go out on a date with him tonight. You were just scared and guilty for letting him wait for you in the snow.

"Whatever you say," you could imagine Jimin's teasing expression despite not seeing his face. "Have fun, okay? Love you!"

"Ditto! See you soon," you pressed the end bottom of your phone as your doorbell rang.

Seven pm. You bit your lower lip, glancing at the clock. Jeongguk was right on time. He told you last night that he would be outside of your door at exactly seven in the evening.

You sighed and fixed your hair a little before opening the door.

Jeongguk practiced speaking the things he would say to you tonight in front of the mirror. He swore he prepared so hard because he didn't want to disappoint you. He felt like this was his only shot with you, unfortunately it seemed like he was destined to fuck things up with you again.

"Oh fuck," his eyes dilated upon seeing you.

You were wearing this pretty dress that accentuated your curves. You looked so expensive and exquisite that Jeongguk felt like he was out of place.

Your soulmate was wearing a thick sweater and black sweatpants. His hair was messier because of the winter wind.

"You're not dressed." This was the first thing you said to him. The scowl on your face made him think that you already regretted agreeing to spend this night with him.

He was wrong. You were only frowning because you felt embarrassed. You took your sweet time preparing for this date. You even rushed to buy a fancy dress just this morning, causing you to feel like a fool.

It was clear now that you were more excited than the man who practically begged you to go out with him.

"I-I just thought it'd be better to stay home because of the weather." The boy said sheepishly while showing you the home cooked food he had prepared for this date.

You swallowed hard.

"Come in." And then you opened the door wider for him.

Jeongguk let out a sigh of relief. At least you did not kick him out. He wouldn't know what to do if that happened. He missed your home so much. He missed Miri as well. Too bad the fury pet wasn't around.

Miri visited the Kims' mansion every Saturday. Red picked the cat earlier this day. She said Miri was the only one that could make Soobin smile. Red and Seokjin, the newlywed couple, were only allowed to visit Soobin every Saturday. They always take the little boy to a nice place with your cat Miri.

Jeongguk realized that it was a blessing in disguise that the cat wasn't around since no one was scratching the couch where you and him currently sat on.

Jeongguk's idea for this date night was to simply watch some movies while eating. He thought that this was the perfect plan, sadly it looked like you didn't share the same sentiment.

"Jeongguk," irritation was laced in your voice as you called your soulmate's name.

You were irritated for the reason that you felt like he didn't really want to be here.

Jeongguk seemed preoccupied. It was apparent when you asked him what film he wanted to watch. He simply said 'whatever you want," while staring at you blankly.

You let it pass at first, but you couldn't ignore it now that the movie had ended and it appeared like he didn't even realize.

Jeongguk was silent beside you, but he couldn't sit without fidgeting. The air was awkward. He looked awkward, like he was uncomfortable or something. He wasn't even eating his food.

"Did you like the movie? Were you scared?"

"Uh," Jeongguk was staring again. "I'm...yeah. It's pretty scary,"

"Oh." You narrowed your eyes at him. "I didn't know you were afraid of zombies."

"Yeah. I am," he wasn’t and you knew it.

You huffed, crossing your arms. He was such a liar.

"The movie that we just watched," you gritted your teeth. "Isn't about zombies, Jeongguk. It's not even a horror film. It's Toy Story 4!"

You were annoyed. Why did Jeongguk even ask to be with you when he wasn’t going to pay attention to you or to the things the two of you were supposed to do?

"I'm sorry..."

And there's it again. The insincere apology. He was always sorry, but he never changed.

"You know what? Just go home. I..." You trailed off as tears filled your eyes.

Why did you always have to make a fool of yourself because of him?

"I don't want you here."

Jeongguk's heart sank upon hearing the words that left your mouth.

"No please," he also turned pale, eyes turning wide because he wasn't expecting this date to turn out like this. What he wanted to happen was to enjoy the winter night cuddled with you as the two of you watched a romantic movie.

Jeongguk imagined watching Love 911 to give you an idea of some of the things he wanted to try with you.

"What do you mean no? It's obvious that you don't want to be here. You're not even paying attention."

"It's not like that," he avoided your gaze.

You only scoffed. Typical Jeongguk. Always telling you that you didn't get him.

"Then what is it? Why do you look uncomfortable? Why do you look like you don't want to be here—"

"I told you it's not like that!" He was staring at you using those big eyes. His thin beckoning lips protruded into a pout.

"I just!" He sighed like he found it hard to explain what he felt. "Can't concentrate on other things because all I can think about is you!”

"What—"

He didn't let you finish. Jeongguk was rambling. He was nervous. He didn't want you to get mad at him again.

"Your dress really looks so good on you and your make up is really nice. You're really pretty...and really beautiful and really sexy and I really just...really—"

"Huh." you pouted, slightly cringing because of his excessive use of the word really. "So now you're blaming the way I look?"

You were teasing him to get rid of the funny feeling in your stomach. Damn Jeongguk for confusing the hell out of you. You were supposed to be annoyed, but why were you smiling?

And why the hell was it so easy to melt into him?

"No!" Jeongguk groaned. He was getting frustrated. You seemed to always twist his words and extrapolate things.

"Look..." He closed his eyes since he couldn't bear to look at you anymore. He was scared to see the disappointment in your eyes.

"I just love you okay? Like really, really, in love with you."

Jeongguk's heartbeat doubled when you didn't speak.

Silence engulfed the whole room that he was forced to open his eyes.

His heart went even crazier. It was beating erratically.

Why were you staring at him with an agape mouth?

"What did you say?" You were no longer in the mood to fool around. Sure, you were teasing Jeongguk, but it didn't mean he could also joke about feelings and love.

It wasn't fair.

"I love you?" Jeongguk said, unsure.

He wasn't unsure of his feelings. He just didn't know if you were referring to the last words he uttered.

"You...love me?" You were still in doubt.

Jeongguk simply nodded his head; a soft smile was plastered on his lips as he scrunched his nose. You knew this look well. This was his genuine self and it only meant one thing.

He wasn't lying.

"But..." you bit the inside of your cheek. "This is the first time you told me that."

"I thought it's obvious?" Jeongguk mirrored your confused expression.

He expressed what he felt for you by singing. Jeongguk thought you understood.

You did not. The song lifted your spirit and you also found the gesture sweet, but you still didn't realize it was his way of confessing.

"I mean..." Jeongguk pouted his lips more. "Your eyes tell, right? You can see colors now."

As soon as these words escaped his mouth, Jeongguk felt like he had been hit by a truck—crushing his bones and telling him how stupid he was for crossing the street even though there were signs that told him to stop.

Signs.

The signs had been there all along.

"You love me..." Jeongguk blurted out. His realization was too sudden that he couldn't help but a cry a little.

You panicked as you asked him what was wrong.

"I wasted six months because of how stupid I am!" His answer was unclear.

"Gukkie," you put your hands on the either side of his shoulder, urging him to look at you. "You're not making sense. Speak slowly."

Jeongguk shook his head, tears still painting his cheeks. It was funny how the situation kept on turning around. Just a few breaths ago, you were the one who was on the verge of crying.

"I told you you didn't understand!" Jeongguk was still not making sense, but you decided to stay quiet and let him speak.

It looked like he needed an outlet for the reason that his emotions were overflowing.

"I left b'cause I thought...you...d-din't love me!" He sobbed and your heart cracked.

How could he think this way when all you had ever done was make him feel the love you felt for him?

Jeongguk's twisted expression told you that you had voiced out the question running inside your mind out loud.

"I called you delusional since I believed that you really are," he was bringing back the wounds that you were trying so hard to forget.

Still, you didn't stop him from speaking.

"H-How can you be sure you love me when I myself know that I am not worthy of your love?"

Jeongguk knew that he had always been mean to you. He hadn't done anything to make you fall in love with him that was why he was questioning your feelings.

It wasn't him whom you loved. It was the idea of him being your soulmate. You liked the thought that there was someone out there for you.

It made sense now, though. The fact that he could see colors brightly made him realize that your feelings were real, but it didn't mean he understood your reasons.

Jeongguk stood by his statement. He was unworthy of your love.

"You're not doubting yourself, Jeongguk." You shook your head at him, proving him otherwise. "You are doubting my feelings for you."

This wasn't about Jeongguk's beliefs. This was about you. You grew up thinking that when you felt like everything was collapsing, your only choice was to trust what you feel was right. It's because at the end of the day, you were going to be the one to face the consequence of your actions—not your parents, not your friends, and not even your soulmate. They would be affected by your decisions, yes, but only indirectly.

They could make their own choices that would directly affect their lives even if their choice was based on your decision. People would end up having different results even though they walked on the same path.

"But why me?" Jeongguk sounded broken as he asked this. It hurt you to think that he really thought so lowly of himself.

He couldn't be blamed. He loved Red before; however, it was still not enough. He had moved on from her, but it didn't mean that all the scars would fade away.

His first breakup up caused him to think that despite giving your one hundred percent, it would still be lacking for some people.

But you weren't some people.

You were you and you had your reason.

"Sometimes you don't need a reason to love someone." Your reason was not having a reason at all.

Your soulmate wasn't sure if he agreed to what you said.

Jeongguk didn't believe that just because things existed, it was already valid. Validation cannot be valid if one would not give enough reasons to prove why it's worth validating.

This was the reason why Jeongguk was questioning the love you claimed you felt. He needed reasons. He was just a human after all—always in need of affection and reassurance.

"I mean...I tried thinking of a reason why I shouldn't love you, but I just can't find any." Your confession made Jeongguk blush.

You had always been straight forward.

The way you loved was the opposite of how your soulmate loved. This was probably the explanation why it took him long to admit his feelings for you.

As stated, Jeongguk was in constant need of reason. His drawings of you were his proof of the love he felt.

"If you can't find any reason, then just allow me to tell you the million reasons why I love you."

He didn't wait for your answer. Jeongguk simply moved closer to you. His face was just inches away from yours.

"You're smart." And then he kissed your forehead.

You weren't only a book smart. You were emotionally intelligent. You had taught Jeongguk a lot of things, especially when it came to forgiveness and compassion.

"You're brave." He kissed you left eye.

He remembered the night you told him you liked him. It was in front of many people. You didn't hesitate even when he was running away.

"You're patient and understanding," he kissed your right eye.

You tried to understand Jeongguk's annoying attitude.

"You work hard in all aspects." He kissed your nose.

"You're beautiful," he kissed your left cheek.

You really were. Inside and out.

"It's you,"

Jeongguk didn't know if he could love someone who wasn't you.

"Most importantly, I love you because you are my soulmate." And then he kissed you on the lips.

You laughed in between the kiss, but you didn't stop kissing him back.

Did you forgive him?

The answer was yes.

Were you ready to love him again?

Perhaps.

Were you still hurt by his actions before?

Yes.

Did you want to be with him?

Yes.

There were many questions flooding your mind right now. Some of your answers might not be the truth, maybe you were just too happy right now—caught up in the moment because you were in Jeongguk's arms again.

But it didn't matter now because one thing was sure.

You were willing to love Jeon Jeongguk again because you didn't want to repeat his mistake.

You didn't want to lose your soulmate just because of hatred and denial.

Things were clear now.

Jeon Jeongguk loved you and the world was no longer black and white.

 BONUS: (a poem made by young OC that made her realize why she should trust her own feelings)

holy. after 6 weeks???? i’m finally done writing this baby. wow. thank you thank you everyone for reading this—especially those people who never failed to send me feedback. i love you all!

New fic alert! READ HERE >> SAVE ME - Demon!Taehyung x Doctor!Reader

YES. I LIKE USING BTS’ songs as the title of my fanfics. 😅

[funkymbtifiction]

How do you feel about your tritype being 629? Is "Stockholm Syndrome" a bit too much for a nickname? How do you "find yourself" after relating w people so much all the time?

I'm sorry if this comes off as intrusive or rude, I'm just curious. You do a great job on here, thank you so much for your work

Hah. The rude nickname fits, because 269s are too nice for their own good, and wind up tolerating people who aren't worth their time much longer than any other type. We'd be the kind inclined to try and see the good in our "captors" which explains a LOT about the fictional characters I'm drawn to and how I want to understand even the villains and get annoyed if they are two-dimensional.

I don't really lose myself in other people, being a 6 first. It's more that I feel a constant pressure from my ego types (mostly 2) to do nice things for other people that I don't always want to do. Like, this person doesn't interest me much, but they are eager to talk, and going through a hard time, and it makes me feel guilty not to answer them immediately. That sort of thing. I just automatically think about what other people might need or want and include it as a legitimate part of my decision process. But whenever I do this halfheartedly, it's quite obvious that I'm just doing it out of duty.

Like yesterday, I had a chat with my dad in which he said I wind up doing things out of duty a lot, and when it's optional, it's not always required, that sometimes I should just let go of it. I'm not the caretaker of the world, I'm not here to provide unpaid counseling to all my friends, I don't need to be a workaholic all the time, and I shouldn't feel guilt for doing otherwise. But I can't just shut it off, because those things are hard-wired into me. They're an automatic response. You help whether or not you want to. You keep the peace and be polite and considerate of other people's stupidity. And you rationalize away the reasons to rebel as selfishness.

I also struggle a lot with not always knowing what I want -- or maybe I do, but it's just hidden under a 6 core layer of self-doubt and 9 fixed confusion, like instead of feeling my feelings, I think about my feelings and come up with rational explanations for my feelings. I try to "figure them out" rather than just going inward to sit with them. I look for some sort of explanation for them, when they make no sense to me. AKA, I parted amicably from this person a year ago and now I'm feeling lonely and wondering if I made the right choice, but this can't be just missing them, it's taken too long, is this my 7 wing missing the FUN we had instead of THEM as a person?? That sets off a spiral of THOUGHTS that slips me out of my emotions. I constantly distance myself from emotions to choose to do the rational thing, or the mature thing, or the responsible thing, or the right thing, and they become my focus more than "what I want/what I feel." It probably comes from the double 1 wings, but I'm one of the most dutiful people you will ever meet, and I feel somewhat resentful of the fact that I can't ever slip out of it and just be irresponsible, just abandon things when I lose interest in them, just be selfish without feeling guilt, just make mistakes without berating myself for them, just assume someone else is the problem when things go wrong instead of blaming myself first, etc.

That's where the nickname comes in, because instead of writing ex's off as assholes, 269s continue agonizing for months over "what I did wrong." They are looking for explanations for others' behaviors, they are trying to think the best of them, they are angry about the times their 9 said nothing instead of making a scene or being directly confrontational, they are thinking about the mistakes they made and beating themselves up about it, and they are endlessly cycling through this like a loop that won't shut off, because 6 and 9 play off each other to create a haze of doubting whatever conclusions 6 just came up with, but 6 needs to understand EVERYTHING intellectually, rather than just having a feeling. Feelings you can't trust. Feelings lead you astray. You have to be smart. Logical. Rational. Look for reasons. Explanations. It's exhausting being me.

Me being a 692 is probably the most over-thinking combination of this type, a 269 would be less amenable and a 962 wouldn't over-think to this extent. But your tritype is a public broadcast of everything that's messy and annoying about yourself. Once you really understand what it's doing to you on a daily basis, and how it's controlling you through your automatic reactions, it's less fun to put it on your profile, because just looking at it makes you cringe. "Stockholm Syndrome" is very apt, because it really slaps you across the face with what you're doing that isn't good for you, as reminder to be less passively accepting.

You can't trust an over-positive description of the tritype, because Enneagram doesn't exist to flatter your ego and make you brag about being X, it exists to tear it apart and force you to face yourself. Only when you feel the "deep cringe" can you start working on it.

[yourkdramaanalyst]

A REVIEW OF MY FAVORITE NETFLIX ORIGINAL KOREAN DRAMA: HOSPITAL PLAYLIST

https://t.co/fkqOasA6Tk

Hello, K-Drama fans! I stepped out of Tumblr for more or less than a month. It's a good thing that I didn't forget I have a blog here. Lol. I've been busy so I wasn't able to cross out most of the dramas on my list. But the drama I am about to review right now is actually a series that I already crossed out of my list twice! So what made me watch Hospital Playlist for the second time?

• Introduction to the Drama

Short Gist:

It's about five friends who used to be school mates in medical school, who are now working at the same hospital.

Director Shin Won Ho and screen writer Lee Woo Jung previously worked on the famous Reply series (which are a work of art!)

The five main characters are (from left to right) Jo Jung Seok, Jeon Mi Do, Jung Kyoung Ho, Yoo Yeon Seok, and Kim Dae Myung . Quite an interesting line-up, huh?

Yoo Yeon Seok also appeared in many dramas and movies. He's in this industry for 17 years now (if my calculations are correct). He was in dramas Dr. Romantic, Gu Family Book, Reply 1994, etc. Yeon Seok has starred in many medical dramas already.

Jo Jung Seok, an award winning actor, has starred in many dramas and movies. He appeared in dramas The King 2hearts, Oh My Ghost, Jealousy Incarnate, etc. He's a good rom-com and drama actor.

Jung Kyoung Ho has been appearing in the small screen since 2004 and has already landed in many roles. He was in Beating Again, Missing Nine, and Prison Playbook. If you noticed, he was Yoon Seri's ex-boyfriend in Crash Landing On You, which was just a special appearance.

Kim Dae Myung is more of a big screen guy. He has been appearing in movies since 2012. Some of other dramas where he starred are Misaeng: Incomplete Life and The Sound of Your Heart.

The only woman in the main cast is originally a play and musical actress. She's a fresh face in the world of K-drama. Jeon Mi Do had her first role 2 years ago in a drama called Mother. She appeared in a movie called Metamorphosis last year and finally, had her second role this year in Hospital Playlist.

A second season of the drama is to be expected next year. 😉

• The Experience

As I mentioned earlier, I've already watched this drama twice! It's not even that long since I watched this for the first time, and I just finished watching it again.

The first time I watched Hospital Playlist, I didn't know what it was all about. I was actually just having a phase where all I wanted to watch was medical dramas (yes... that's true, even though I am not a med student or anything related) so I clicked on it immediately as soon as all of the episodes were released on Netflix. But as soon as I finished watching the first episode, I couldn't really stop myself from watching more.

Typically, I enjoy watching light and funny dramas but this one is on another level. It has become my favorite Netflix original drama! Until now, I still can't get over it. I can't wait for the next season to be released.

•Points that I Liked About the Drama

https://t.co/OC3HEzU0a4

1. Hospital Playlist tells a lot of story about different people. There are five main characters but the story does not only revolve around them but also tells the story of the people around. This is actually common when it comes to medical dramas since there are a lot of patients. However, in this drama, they didn't just focus on patients but also on the hospital staffs. In fact, there are so many doctors from different departments that are shown here. I got to see more of what's happening during their breaks, how senior doctors look over the interns and residents and other staff, etc. Of course those are not real life scenarios, but it seemed real and made me feel like I am one of them.

2. Light and funny but really heartwarming. It's the kind of drama that will make you laugh and cry at the same time. It's not the slapstick comedy kind of drama but more of a situation-based kind? I don't know if you get it at all, LMAO. Watching it makes you feel like you're just catching up with friends, talking about your daily lives and laughing and reminiscing about the past.

3. Plotless but not nonsensical. It is not a complicated drama which is easy to watch no matter how old or how young you are. It should still be watched chronologically, though, because there are still a lot of stories to follow about each character. There's just no definite goal that was shown in the drama but the way the story was told, it's almost perfect.

4. One of the most realistic medical dramas. There are no exaggerated medical scenes where the doctors have to do impossible things and whatsoever just to save a patient.

https://t.co/Z6U1T2nBI0

5. I love the characters. It's impossible to choose a favorite character! Even the supporting ones are characterized well. Each character is different, that's why even if there are many of them, you won't get lost.

6. It's a medical drama so I learned a lot as well. If you are interested in medicine or currently taking up medicine related programs, Hospital Playlist is a good k-drama option to watch.

https://t.co/xGbTvz4giu

7. The OST is good. I highly recommend this drama if you are a sucker for good OSTs like me. All of the songs here are just covers. I am not familiar with the original songs since they are from the 1990s and early 2000s, but I still enjoyed them. For a month, I've only played Hospital Playlist OST. I'm not even kidding!

https://t.co/p3gGyjAKSS

8. They didn't overdo the romantic scenes. I ship a lot of the characters because there are also side stories like doctors who start to like each other. But none of them are cringey. I had a good time watching some characters' love story as it progresses.

9. There are so many cameos. I won't mention them because it may lead to spoilers but I swear, I love those special appearances!

• The Ending

The ending of the first season was satisfying. There are still unanswered questions, though. That's something to look forward to for the 2nd season. I can't say much about the ending because I know that it's not the final one yet. Still, my heart was contented with the 12 episodes.

•Final Thoughts

Will I watch it again? YES. FOR SURE.

Will I recommend it? YES. WATCH THIS DRAMA RIGHT AWAY OR ADD THIS TO YOUR PENDING LIST IMMEDIATELY.

Rate: 10/10 (for this season only)

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

The reason why it's a 10/10 for me is because I prefer dramas like this, okay? If anyone disagrees with me, you can try to convince me to change my mind but I doubt anything will change. 🤣

•Hospital Playlist Top 5 OST

I really had a hard time picking my top 5 favorite songs because all of them are good. This is a really hard task for me, why did I even do this to myself? Lol. I feel my heart breaking. I. Am. Not. Kidding. So the songs I listed here are not really my top 5, it's rather a proof of my claim that everything is good. ('cos i just can't, i am sorry).

Me to You, You to Me by Mido and Falasol

Lonely Night by Kwon Jin Ah

Introduce me a good person by Joy

Aloha by Cho Jung Seok

In front of city hall at the subway station by Kwak Jin Eon

That's it! There's nothing I don't like about Hospital Playlist and I have no issues, too. If I am to think of one, it would probably be about the release date of the second season because I am dying for it.

So what are your thoughts? 😊 Thank you for reading!

[thelunarbond]

yay, I'm happy to see you posting here again! anyways, for the question meme: sweetest memory, who would they expect to save them if they were stranded on an island, how are they with children/do they want kids someday, three favorite colors, any daily rituals, what flowers if they had to wear a flower crown for everyone? (sorry about shortening them, I was worried the full questions wouldn't fit)

I’m glad you enjoy my posts!!! Sorry it’s been a while, I’ve lacked motivation recently… I’ll hopefully be posting more now!

What is your OC’s sweetest memory?

Yume: A long time ago when they were kids, Chase protected Yume from a group of bullies. Chase did end up getting hurt but was completely unfazed as he was happy Yume was okay. Yume took Chase to the nurse’s office and Chase told him he’d always protect him as that’s what a good friend does

Chase: When his brother built him a go-kart from scratch for his 9th birthday. Chase’s parents own a lot of land, meaning Chase spent all day driving around and didn’t come back inside until it was nighttime. One day, Chase wants to do something that special for his brother 

Lavender: When she won her first dance competition at age 7. All her family and relatives went out with her to the fanciest restaurant on the Isles to celebrate and she won a huge trophy, which she keeps at the top of her shelves. She was so happy to make her family proud

Minami: About 2 years ago, Minami went on a road trip with her sister around the country. They explored so many towns and got to spend a lot of time together, which was a rarity. Minami loved every second of it. She wants to go on a road trip with all of the Lunar Bond one day

Alexis: When a friend from school drew her a picture of her favourite game character for her birthday. Alexis’ family didn’t really do birthday presents or cards, so this drawing was the first birthday gift Alexis ever got. She still cherishes it to this day and keeps in in a frame in her room. She hasn’t seen this friend for years as Alexis dropped out of school a long time ago

Phoenix: When he made friends with the Lunar Bond. Phoenix’s childhood was very lonely as his parents were always busy before they died, and he never had any friends at school as he pushed them away. When he joined the Lunar Bond and they called him their friend he almost cried (and probably cried alone in his room about it). He feels very happy to be surrounded by people he cares about, and they care about him in return

Who would your OC expect to save them if they were stranded on a desert island?

Yume: Chase

Chase: He’d save himself

Lavender: Anyone from the Lunar Bond, but she’d bet it would be Minami

Minami: Someone actually trained to rescue people

Alexis: Nobody. She’ll accept her fate of living on the desert island

Phoenix: Would attempt to save himself, but would hope that Minami would help him

How good is your OC at handling children? Do they want their own children someday?

Yume: Amazing with children. He’s able to keep them entertained for hours. He has tonnes of games to play with children and there’s never a dull moment. He’d love to have his own children someday, he’d be the cool parent who lets them stay up late and have cookies

Chase: Hates children. Audibly sighs and rolls his eyes when children are screaming while he’s at work. Isn’t very good at talking to them either as he doesn’t change his tone, so he usually upsets them. Doesn’t want his own children in the future, he only wants to take care of his partner and a dog

Lavender: Is a child. Isn’t good at handling children because she is a children. Wouldn’t know what to do if the child gets upset so she would panic. Wouldn’t be very good at paying attention to them all the time. However, in the future she’d love to have her own children and dress them in cute clothes

Minami: The best babysitter ever. Brings all the best food and games to play and when they get tired she’ll put a film on so they can chill out. Children tend to gravitate towards Minami as she’s kind and lets them get away with stuff they can’t do normally at home. However, Minami wouldn’t want her own children as she feels she can’t look after them 24/7

Alexis: Would forget the child is there. She forgets to feed herself so she would definitely forget to feed someone else. Wouldn’t do anything with them either. If someone handed her a baby she’d probably drop it. Doesn’t want her own children as that’s too much responsibility (and it’s probably for the better, she needs to learn to look after herself before she can look after someone else)

Phoenix: Surprisingly good with children. Phoenix raised his brother Baxter virtually single-handedly from when he was a baby and Phoenix was 9. Is very good at telling what’s wrong when they’re upset and keeping them occupied. He’ll also read books aloud to them to help them relax and fall asleep. Despite this, he doesn’t want his own children because 1) he’s been a parent figure to Baxter for nearly half his life and feels that’s enough parenting and 2) he would worry about his own children all the time, just like he did with Baxter

Top 3 favourite colours

Yume: Dark blue, sunset orange, mint green

Chase: Maroon red, dark green, black

Lavender: Baby pink, lilac, powder blue

Minami: Sunshine yellow, dusty pink, turquoise

Alexis: Forest green, black, white

Phoenix: Sky blue, mustard yellow, dark purple

Any daily rituals?

(I’ll only put those who have rituals as not everyone has them!)

Yume: Practices mindfulness and meditates for 20 minutes a day, usually in the afternoon. It helps to keep him grounded and helps him relax

Chase: Will drink a cup of coffee at 11am, 1pm, 3pm, 5pm and 10pm sharp every day. Also does a half an hour muscle workout every day, but the time of that depends on what time he gets home from work

Minami: Does yoga daily. If the weather is good in the summer she’ll find a secluded spot in the park to do it, but otherwise she just does it in her room

If your OC had to wear a flower crown, what would the flowers in the crown be?

Yume: Chrysanthemum and Gerbera daisies, symbolising optimism, joy and cheerfulness

Chase: Cala lily and white clover, meaning beauty and “think of me”

Lavender: Lavender (obviously) and rue, meaning devotion and grace

Minami: Pink rose and lotus, meaning happiness and regeneration

Alexis: Candytuft and peony, symbolising indifference and bashful

Phoenix: Morning glory and aster, symbolising affection and a symbol of love

[falsegoodnight]

hi ris! is there anyone you talk to daily on twitter? im so lonely there its so hard to make friends but i see everyone has close friends already

hi! first of all, sorry for the late reply!! have been super ia lately because of irl stuff :(( and speaking of being ia: currently i am not talking to anyone daily on twitter, but that's because i have not been on twitter every day in a WHILE 😅 when i do log in though, i do have around four to five people that i always try to at least check in with!!

i'm sorry you've been feeling lonely!! it definitely is hard to make close friends especially if you have a fear of instigating conversations like me lol but it's not impossible! i know it can sometimes feel like everyone already has close friends but 1) that's not true! and 2) even if everyone hypothetically had at least one close friend... who says they can't have more?? of those four to five people i mentioned before: one of them i only really started talking to one-on-one late last year, and that's the same for another one as well – for reference, i've had my twitter account since january 2020!

i'm maybe not the best person to give advice on this because i suck at making friends but i would just say try to interact as much as you can!! don't just like/rt, but also reply to people's tweets! i've had many friendships start off with just both of us constantly replying to each other's tweets and inevitably we'd have a conversation one-on-one. you can also just go straight for dms if you want; ask for fic recs or tell someone that you really love their fics/gifs/content!! the latter may seem like *too much* but i get messages like that sometimes from people i don't know and they honestly make my day!!

speaking of which, my dms are always open!! i'm always here for making new friends 💕

[ecotone99]

[Sf] let's go

PROLOGUE I don't know how it happened. Only that it was a slow process. First the weak, the young and old, the Ill and poor. They were the first to show signs. They slept more and more which wasn't that noticeable because they sleep all the time anyway. However we noticed the problem when they stopped waking up. Then the average people and even the well off started sleeping. This went on for the next six months. No one could figure out how to wake them up or to stop people from falling asleep. At the end of the first year all the people who were still awake moved everyone else to a central city. The sleepers were put in pods that kept them alive providing them with nutrients and other basic needs. The pods monitored them and recorded data in hopes of finding some answers. Every one else was also give a pod in preparation for the worst. Luckily the city runs itself so all we had to do was research and by the end the computers were doing that too. By the end of the second year I was the only one awake. Which I question every day. Why me? Of the millions in the pods why am I awake? CHAPTER 1 : AWAKE I started recording this as a precaution, in the case that I do become a sleeper or if someone wakes up I can fill them in on what happened. This camera is powered by solar panels with a backup plasma battery so I never really need to worry about it dying. ..... Dying that's something that you forget about when you have an entire world that just fell asleep. For two years now I haven't thought about death. Sleeping seemed so much more likely. The fear of going to sleep and not waking up. The ever present possibility of a necessity becoming a prison. That seems more real. Every day I do the same thing. I wake up it gets a little later daily, two years ago I woke up at nine am, a year later it was ten today eleven. After awake up I check the pods, I know the alarm will sound if anything happens. High pitched if a system failed. Low pitched if someone wakes, but I check away. Then I eat, the auto farm produces enough to feed everyone but I carbon freeze the rest for reserves. After breakfast I play pokemon go. It's dumb but it passes the time I carry two phones and play against myself, valor verses mystic, I take the gyms and hit the pokestops one day and the next I switch to the other phone. I helps me feel like it's the good old days. Not to mention it helps me stay active. I come back for lunch around two and after lunch I conduct my research. I'm not a scientist but you pick up a few things when there are ten people awake in the world and the other nine are fading fast so I learned everything I could and now I do the research while they sleep. Five o'clock is quitting time I eat dinner and shower then bed by seven. Then repeat over and over. When I'm lying in my bunk trying to sleep but being too afraid to let it happen, I often think of the days before. They seem like a dream now so surreal that it couldn't be the truth. That life had to be nothing more that a dream. CHAPTER 2 : DREAM I was a handyman before. Nothing special, not a man of science or a politician. Just someone to call when you needed a carpenter or a plumber. My dad always said that's something that will always be needed. They may have computers for everything else but they can't duplicate the human touch. The craftsmanship. So I followed his words. I served in the army first though. The draft for the war with Russia had just kicked off when I turned eighteen and sure enough three months later I was at Fort Benning, Georgia for basic training and infantry school. I served two tours in Siberia as forward forces against the attack on Alaska. When the sleep started taking people I thought it was the Russians attempting some kind of biological attack. But when most of Russia fell asleep I knew I must be wrong. I'd give anything to be back on that battlefield now. At least then I had allies around me and a clear objective. Now the gun shots are silent, the battle cries are only echoes in my head and the died are only sleeping. So it's my job to them wake up. I've had to become a scientist and put down my hammer spending hours researching book after book to find an answer that's never been found. Now instead of fighting with a rifle my fight is one of the mind. CHAPTER 3 : MIND I've been completely alone for about two months now. I have a routine which makes me feel safe. However I can feel my mind slipping. Talking to sleepers, talking to myself, Talking to walls. Desperate for something to talk back. To help me focus I've begun to play my recording back each night. Not to mention pokemon go actually really helps. I pretend that the other phone is someone else and I'll look at some of the other phones, if they have it I use them too. As a "guest appearance". CHAPTER 4 : APPEARANCE There is a lure! A pokemon lure! I didn't place it but it's there. I opened the app and there it was twenty five minutes left on a pokestop maybe 7 miles away. Someone else is here. Not me and not a sleeper but another person who is awake! They know I'm here and that I play pokemon go. So they've probably been watching me for some time now. Do I go to it and see what they want? Do I start building defenses and prepare for them to attack? If I get captured or killed there will be no one to protect the sleepers but this lure could be an olive branch and I have been extremely lonely. That settles it I'll go. I am taking a rifle and sidearm though, just in case. *The man moves out of view as he turns the camera around and straps it to his helmet* let's go see if it's friend or foe. CHAPTER 5: FRIEND OR FOE *The man rides his bike check the phone every few minutes to make sure he's heading the right way, once he gets close he drops his bike. He pulls up his rifle and starts moving forward, slowly moving his head back and forth between buildings scanning for danger* OKAY I'M HERE! What do you want? *A second voice answers from the shadows *"I'll answer with another question. What do you want?" I want to know who you are and why you've been watching me. "Is that all you want? How boring." Answer me and show yourself. " I am the reason your friends are asleep and I have been watching to understand why you are not yet asleep. I wanted to place the 'lure' to see how you would react. I will answer nothing else at this time. Goodbye" wait! I have more questions. *silence* Damn, what the hell just happened. *biking back as fast as he can the man arrives to the pods and does his checks* no harm has come to the pods so why draw me out? Was that really the voice of who ever was responsible for all the sleepers. If so how. A virus? A poison? What could it be? And who are they? Most importantly what happens next? CHAPTER 6: NEXT For the last five days I've rode back to the pokestop where the voice was but nothing else has happened. I'm more paranoid than ever now. I've built fortifications all around the area, trip wires that trigger alarms, and pit falls. However if they really have been watching they'll know exactly where to step. Other than to check the stop I don't leave camp. No more casual pokemon go. Who ever that was they definitely have pushed me closer to insanity. CHAPTER 7: INSANITY Its been a month since the event. A week since I checked the site. I have been hearing voices from the pods. The sleepers I think they are trying to tell me something. .... maybe if I close my eyes I can focus on the words. Yes I hear them. They know the secrets. They say they'll tell me. *the man sits quietly for a few minutes eyes closed face still. He then falls forward dropping the camera. As he lays there asleep foot steps are hear from behind the camera.* "finally the last one falls"

submitted by /u/brickwalls96 [link] [comments] via Blogger http://bit.ly/2YmlKIS

[a-doll-like-you]

Hi!! can you help me plz... I love a guy who tells me he loves me but then sometimes he ignores me or says he's bored with me then he comes back to me! For example on Wednesday we're sitting together him kissing me but when his friends came he gets up and acts like I'm not there!!. I try to talk with him allot about it but he says there isn't a problem or tells me he's bored when I try to explain. He tells me he loves me all the time & I'm scared if he leaves or I go he will be lonely :( ....

Hi I’m sorry you’re feeling like this, you really shouldn’t be doing so for much longer! I’m not sure I’m the best person to go for advice on here but i’d like to try and help.

Firstly, he might just be tired or shy! Sometimes people can seem ‘far away’ for their own very valid reasons. 

I don’t know how long this has been going on for or if it’s something he’s started to do more recently, or if it’s a common happening and you’re fed up with it but he might just be shy! there’s nothing wrong with that. or, he might be distant because he’s stressed/busy/overwhelmed/thinking/worrying about something else or it may even be a just genuinely unconscious overlook.  All of these are okay, in fact they’re sometimes healthy. 

If he genuinely can’t see there’s a problem and you keep asking and bugging him about it it’s going to annoy him and put him off. But if it’s been a good while, and you’ve tried putting your fears and feelings forward and approaching it in a fair and calm manner and he’s still not budging, well then i’d reconsider what it is you want from this boy. But he might just be having a bad day! we all have bad days from time to time. 

Not everyone prefers or appreciates PDA, especially with people he’s close to being around. He might be a little shy or embarrassed about it. Try a more quiet and intimate setting where he might feel more comfortable and at ease.

I shouldn’t really give advice based on just one post, BUT I’M GONNA ANYWAY because it sounds like you’re hurting and really suffering. It sounds like you keep making the effort and telling him how you feel, trying to make things better for you both and he’s just not responding… or just not in the way you want him to. Everyone’s different and sometimes couples can want different things or work at a different pace from one another/try to get there in a different way. This is fine. He might just need more time, if so, try not to get angry, and instead give him a reassuring smile/some space/a little time. (it does seem like you’ve been more than patient with him though!). 

He could always have something on his mind and is shutting you down/out because he’s worried what you’d think about him/about it/that it would stress you out/stress him out/he isn’t ready to open up about it yet. Try to just be there for him. Tell him he doesn’t have to talk about it now and that you’ll be there when he’s ready etc, just talk to him normally and nicely, reassure him without badgering him about it. You never know, he may surprise you down the line and come to you on his own accord when he’s feeling a little better about it all.

OR, to put it bluntly, he could just be being, (and don’t hate me for this)…an absolute plonker, frankly, and he doesn’t care about some things as much as he should. I’m here to tell you you don’t need someone like this. 

It sounds like you’re crossed in what you want from and expect from each other and that’s okay, that’s fine in fact, but there’s only so many chances and so much time you can put up with this for. Sometimes you can help each other work through it and it’s just a glitch like all healthy couples, or the problem resolves itself on it’s own with a little time. But sometimes it can also be a warning sign that something isn’t quite right in the relationship. In this instance you might want to simply call it quits and cut your losses. It may make the both of you happier in the long run

Personally, I won’t lie, I’d rather eat my soup with a fork or try to drive a taxi in Kolkata than to talk to people who try to use me, or who pick you up and put you down like a doll as and when they please. You are worth more than that anon. 

If he’s being shy or suffering, then that’s different, but he can’t want you but not expect to put any effort in. If he want’s all the perks but non of the work then he doesn’t deserve you. 

To me you have Four main scenarios:- 

1. Stay with him, hang on his daily dose, pray he changes 

2. Stay with him, be there for him, help him work things through. Bond with him, let him know you will be there when he’s ready, and show him that it’s okay not to be okay sometimes

3. Leave him, go back to him, only for it to be exactly the same again in two weeks time

4. Leave and don’t feel like this anymore. It will hurt at first but it sounds like you’re hurting now too. Don’t wait in vain. Free yourself up to find a better man who can treat you how you should be treated - someone who makes you forget why you were so cut up about this first guy in the first place. Find someone who compliments your life and encourages the best in you, and you vice versa. 

the choice is yours - go with your gut. hope you guys feel better soon ♥ .