#I'm not back per say but for few mins

[chappellrroan]

I MISSED YOU HELLO HI OMG OMG

HI I MISS YOU TOO AND ILY BAHUT SARA

[ohnoitstbskyen]

100 songs to get to know me

I posted this image over on the bluesky, and it got like 100 likes, so now here we are. I was going to write them all up here, but Tumblr imposes a 10 video limit on embeds per post which I find infuriating.

So! You can read the first ten entries here, but you can read the entire list here: https://tbskyen.bearblog.dev/100-songs-to-get-to-know-me/

1. ABBA - Lay All Your Love On Me

I genuinely don't quite know if my enjoyment of ABBA is something I came by honestly, or something which is simply genetically engineered into my Scandinavian soul. I remember hearing my mom blasting their songs on the home stereo in my childhood, and the association has put permanent nostalgia blinders on me for all of ABBA's greatest hits. Still, I think the beat is undeniable and the mournful tone of the chorus adds some real melancholy to the dramatic plea at the core of the song.

2. Afenginn - Oestrogenmanipuleret Basilisk

Afenginn describe themselves as "bastard etno-punk" which is probably as good a description as you're going to get. There's a lot of klezmer and eastern European folk influences here, but what is more important about Afenginn's best songs is that they go hard as f*ck and it's an absolute blast to dance to them at a show. They played this the first time I saw them live, and the rhythm comes back every time I hear it again. Good times!

3. Afenginn - Ralli in D Minor

With 100 slots to fill, I am giving myself permission to allocate two slots to Afenginn, and for the same reason. Ralli in D Minor is less of a dance tune to me, and more of a headbanger, but with a sufficiently loud subwoofer and a game crowd, you could f*ing mosh to this.

4. Anamanaguchi - Prom Night

I discovered Anamanaguchi as the composers of the title track to the Nerdist podcast back in the day, and being unfamiliar with the concept of chiptunes, I was drawn in initially by the sheer novelty of hearing the squeaks and bloops of my gaming childhood employed towards rock tunes and combined with "real" instruments.

Beyond the gimmick, though, Anamanaguchi won me over fully with the Scott Pilgrim game soundtrack, and then 2013's Endless Fantasy, where the gimmick of chiptune nostalgia noise (at least for me) finally coalesced into something that felt entirely like its own thing. Plus I'm a sucker for exactly this kind of bright dance pop, and Bianca Raquel's vocals here are a perfect match for the tone of the music.

5. Jennifer Hudson - Memory

2019s Cats is a fascinating fucking disaster. Tom Hooper is the worst director of musicals in my living memory, the abuse of the VFX staff extended beyond brutal crunch and absurd challenge imposed by a director who had no idea what the hell he was asking them to do all the way into an astonishingly arrogant and condescending joke from Rebel Wilson and James Corden at the expense of workers who were the last people at fault for the disaster that the movie became (look in the fucking mirror, Wilson and Corden, your performances were rancid).

Still, the silver lining of Cats is we got to hear Jennifer Hudson shake the world on its foundations with her rendition of Memory. I don't give a shit what anyone says, this performance is transcendent and no amount of institutional failure can dim its quality.

6. Annette Bjergfeldt - Min Bærende Bjælke

Annette is one of my mother's oldest friends, and a prolific singer-songwriter now turned author. I've been going to her concerts since I was a little child, and while I am absolutely not the target audience for any of it, it has stuck with me as part of my musical vocabulary deep into adulthood.

She has experimented with brass band accompaniment a few times, but for my money, nothing quite comes close to the floating, optimistic vibe of Min Bærende Bjælke. It sounds like a very particular kind of lasting romance, which of course is also what the lyrics are about.

7. Hozier - Blood Upon the Snow

We'll get more than one Hozier song on this list, but Blood Upon the Snow stands out to me as a song which easily transcends the videogame soundtrack promotional tie-in nature of its conception. Bear McCreary's hurdy gurdy and lyrics about surviving through adversity by holding on to existence with your teeth and nails... yeah, it hits with me. There's something real in that.

"The trees deny themselves nothing that makes them grow, no rainfall, no sunshine, no blood upon the snow." Something about that feels real.

8. The Beatles - Something

idk if I really need to write anything about George Harrison's most famous love song that hasn't been written more extensively by a million dad-rock enthusiasts before me.

I will say, this is one of the few songs I listen to regularly that justify the expensive audiophile headphones I invest in. There's a LOT to hear on a good, lossless, original mix of this song, if you're the kind of pervert who gets off to listening to a song a hundred times to focus on different parts of the soundscape. (it's me, I am the pervert)

9. Blink-182 - Adam's Song

I discovered a lot of my music taste as a young man from extremely low-resolution AMVs that my friend used to download off sketchy file-sharing sites. Blink-182 entered my musical lexicon through the one above, specifically, piggybacking off of my teenage love of Dragon Ball.

I never really grokked what the lyrics were actually about, until relistening to the song years later, but something about the minor-key wail of the thing really sat with my angsty teenage soul and has stuck with me ever since. I cannot listen to this song without that music video playing in my head, the song will forever belong to Vegeta.

There's remastered versions of this AMV out there, apparently, but if it's not 144p with tinny audio, it's just not right. That's not what the song is supposed to sound like, not to me.

10. Blink-182 - Miss You

Blink-182 is one of those bands I discovered via anime AMVs and listened to obsessively for a period as a teenager (The Offspring will show up later on this list), and then fell entirely out of touch with for years until discovering much later in life that they did, in fact, keep releasing music. I Miss You from their self-titled 2003 album felt, when I discovered it sometime in the early 2010s, like a much more mature and interesting sound from a band which had gotten stuck associated with my adolescent superpower kung-fu fantasies which I was, at the time, feeling a bit embarrassed about.

The song had a resurgence on TikTok a little while ago as a meme template, which made me listen to the albums again, and rediscover yet again that Blink-182 is, in fact, still putting out albums.

---

The rest of the list is here: https://tbskyen.bearblog.dev/100-songs-to-get-to-know-me/

[yuyu1024]

Fate

Pairings: Yoongi × y/n

Genre/tags: Arranged marriage

Warning: 🔞🔞🔞 mention of blood/violence/drugs/trafficing, trauma, mention of killing, kidnapping, gun, mention of food/eating/weight, cursing, sensual touching, making out smoking, smut (but not this chapter)

~~~~[lmk if i miss anything]

Words: 5.2k

Disclaimer:

- this story is just made up

- english is not my first language, please be nice 😊

Note:

Until you (mini series)

Part 1 - Prisoner

Part 2 - Escape

Part 3 - Twilight

Part 4 - Fate

A/N: again... im really sorry for being a slow writer/update for this mini series🙏🏻 i can't help it. 😭 I do get msgs asking for updates & i feel bad... so sorry 🥹 I try my best to have time to get into the story/characters whenever i have free time. I work full time and have a 2nd job too so it takes all my energy. I'm really... really sorry.😭

But yeaah, thank you for everyone liking my yoongi fanfic. 🖤🫶🏻 thank you for the patience😭

I hope this chapter is okay ♥️

****

(Prologue/Flashback)

"Sshh..." she covers your mouth for you to stay quiet and not make any noise. She reminds you constantly to keep it together or else they will find you. "Just a little bit more, Yoongi." She whispers. "Calm down..."

You try your best to do what she says because you want you guys to survive this. To escape. However you are a kid and you are terrified. And you can't stop yourself from shaking like a twig. Also you are rapidly breathing through your nose. Tears even start to fill your eyes as you look into her eyes.

"You'll be fine..." she says to you. "Noona, will protect you."

"I'm scared..." You whisper grabbing onto her long braided hair.

You two are a few inches apart. If she could only embrace you, she will. However there are metal bars between you two and she is.... injured.

"Me too." She wants to cry to as she must be as scared as you or maybe, more. But since she's the eldest between the two of you she have to be brave for you. "Just go to sleep... I promise... the moment you wake up...when the sun is shining after the storm tonight... we'll be safe... we'll already be at home..."

"P-promise?"

She tries her best to not break down because she knows that she's promising something that's very unrealistic in your situation right now. Both of you are held captives, kidnapped and waiting to be saved.

"I promise." She sniffs "Just hold onto this for now..." she meant her hair and then reaches her hand to you slowly even it's causing too much pain for her. "Go to sleep... Noona will be right here..." the tip of her fingers barely touched your cheek. "I will protect you..." she adds

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

[Present]

The silence between you two is very deafening. Even the staffs at the mansion notices how both of you are very distant to each other.

Odd right? They should be used to this situation since Yoongi is the silent type or the one who does not talk that much especially to you.

However for you, maybe this is out of character as every one is not used to you being like this. Well THIS silent anyway.

You usually talk and greet them or make small talks with them or Yoongi even if it's just a random question to make him just...talk. You do anything to make him speak to you. You make small efforts to chase his attention just to get him look back at you per say. Like a dog.

But now, since he made sure to leave you the moment you got vulnerable with him during sex and mentioned a feeling you have, which in the first place you had no idea you have, really hurt you this time. Big time. It is a rejection that you never thought would bother you this much.

"You two are awfully quiet." Mrs. Min says as soon as she puts down her cup of coffee on the table. "You two are both quiet originally... I know... but..." she looks at you and Yoongi back and forth twice. "Did you guys had a fight?"

No one answers.

"Guessing...silence means yes?" Mrs. Min looks at us again, hoping someone will speak up. "What did you do?" She asks Yoongi.

But he didn't open his mouth to speak. He just continued on chewing on his breakfast while his eyes are glued to you.

He has been eyeing you since the two of you left the mansion. He have been silently watching you move along, react and walk from your back. You don't notice it as you are trying to achieve to ignore him completely today. And so far, you are a gold medalist at it. You don't even bat an eye on him.

"Fine... not gonna ask anymore questions..." Mrs. Min gives up. "Anyways, after this lunch... I'll have a meeting with Hannah."

Yoongi flinches, finally reacting and gets interested to whatever his mother is saying. "What for?"

"About the private resort project that she is building... she wants my opinion about what brands to use for the decorations. She have a final lists of candidates of brands and she wants to know my say to it."

"Really...."

"Yes... and as soon as it opens... she says you two can go there... and celebrate... as her gift. Since she missed going to your wedding."

"Celebrate?" You finally spoke after how many years. Even Yoongi whip his head to look at you.

"Yes dear," Mrs. Min smiles so brightly and holds your hand. "You're 2nd anniversary... next month... right?"

"Ah, yes... right." You try to smile it away. But deep inside, you are not looking forward to it.

Why would you? Last year Yoongi didn't even greeted you Happy Anniversary. He probably didn't care back then so why would he care now and celebrate this year? This marriage is nothing to him.

"Is she coming here?" Yoongi asks his mother, changing back the subject to Hannah

"No... I am meeting her at her office."

You are holding on for dear life on your gold medal for 'Ignoring my husband award'. You are so curious to look at him. To see his beautiful face, how he reacts when they talk about her. Hannah. The girl you saw more than a year ago. The girl you saw on the driveway, talking to your husband while she hooked her arms on his'. The girl that Yoongi seems interested about. The girl he seems to.... like.

"How about you guys? What are your plans today after our brunch?" Mrs. Min asks

"Hmm.." he sighs heavily and then takes his phone from the table. "Probably fuck my wife " Yoongi answers nonchalantly making you and Mrs. Min almost choke on nothing. That sentence made you even look at him with wide eyes and red cheeks.

"Omo..." Mrs. Min is too stunned to even comprehend what she just heard. "Well... okay... too much information but..." she then takes a sip of her coffee. "You do you."

"I'm sorry..." you apologize to your mother-in-law.

You are embarassed. This topic should be a private matter. Everyone in the mansion already seem to have the idea what you two do on a regular basis but you do hope that outside, no one has to know.

It's not that you are embarassed of having a sex life. It's normal. Yes. But to have to talk about it to his parents, oh dear god, no.

"Why are you apologizing?" Yoongi's face looks so damn serious. "We are husband and wife right?"

You scowl at Him. You don't like how he acts or portrays like sex is just a hobby for him and it's nothing to be embarassed about. Especially in front of his mother while you are present. He really does not treat you like you have any feelings. He is evil.

"Okay... children...children... don't fight about this... it's okay. You already have issues before we got here so... it's fine." Mrs. Min tries to sooth the situation up.

She's so nice to try. Though she does not know the real reason why there is a huge distance between you two today. It's not that simple. You don't even know if she knows how his son treats you.

***

"Sir." Mr. Kim bows as both Yoongi and you arrives at the driveway, about to leave Mrs. Min's property.

"Get in." He orders you

You glare at him then roll your eyes away. You are in no mood now. You have scowled at him earlier already so why not do it more now that he is irritating you.

"Hold on..." he suddenly grabs you by the arm, stopping you from getting in the car. "Did you just fucking roll your eyes at me?" He scoffs

You try your best to pull your arms from his grip but he is stronger than you. "Let me go." You grunt

"What are you doing?" He asks, "You've been.... acting up lately..."

"I don't know...what you're talking about..." you finally freed yourself from his grip.

"Don't act innocent on me... I know you."

"Know me?" You snap. "How? We barely talked these past two years... You only look for me when you want something done and someone to fuck...besides that, I am nothing to you. So how the fuck will you know me?"

Finally! You've said something. However you can't lie to yourself how terrified you are right now. Your legs are shaking. You have never risen your voice like this before. Not with him. Plus Yoongi is so freaking silent. There was no reaction from him not like Mr. Kim who just coughed because of the sudden tension.

Is he in shock? He must be surprised to hear you speak out after all this time. He had never heard you talk like this before. You can't even read his expression. He is just looking down at you, straight on.

"Ahm... Sir... Miss... I'll leave you two... alone." Mr. Kim finally broke the awkward silence. "Just message me if... we're going home."

You glance at him and bow. Also giving an apologetic look since the situation got a bit serious.

And as soon as Mr. Kim is gone from our sight, Yoongi takes a step forward closer to you, making you back up and your behind bumping on the car. "Is that... what you think?"

You glare up at him. "Yes."

"You think... I don't know you?"

"Yes."

He chuckles. "I know you more than you know..."

You frown. "You only see me when you are horny... you don't even talk to me unless to I ask you... unless you tell me what to do and what not to do... so, how would you know anything about me...?"

He scrunches his face. He looks irritated "I see you more than you think." He mumbles. And then he took a step back and looks at you and watch you tremble,"Do you regret it?" He asks

"W-what? Regret what?"

"The sex... do you regret it?"

"W-what? What do you mean...?"

He then puts both his hands on the car, trapping you between. "Just answer the question... do you hate and regret the sex?"

You look away. "No...."

"Do you want us to stop fucking?"

You sigh heavily. "Why are you focusing on the sex?!?" Your brows are furrowed. You are really showing your frustration. "It's not about the sex, Yoongi! There is nothing wrong with the sex... what I just want is... I just..." you look back at his face and you see an empty expression from him. Does he not get what you are saying or is he ignoring the other parts of what you told him. That the only thing he thinks about is your sex life. "Never mind..." you lower your gaze. "It's not like my opinion matter..."

"Y/N..." Yoongi begins. You look back st him waiting for whatever he's about to say. You think he was about to response to you or maybe say what is on his mind as well. (Maybe.) However, both of you got suddenly distracted by the honk of a black sedan car entering the property.

You have seen that car before. It is familiar. And then when it stops and someone steps out of the car...

"Yoongi?" The woman that came out of the passenger seat, is Hannah. "What are you doing here?"

She is smiling ear to ear. Her smile is as bright as her tear drop pear earrings that is perfectly shown under her tucked bob hair. She's... so pretty.

"Oh... Hi..." she waves at you when she finally notices you

"Hi." You try to smile as brightly as you can.

"You must be Yoongi's beautiful wife." She is sweet. She looks like a friendly and easy going person. "I'm Hannah by the way... I'm Yoongi's friend since we're... toddlers..."

"Nice to meet you." You bow

"What are you doing here? Mother said..."

"Ah... yes... we we're supposed to meet at my office but I just came from another meeting and since we will pass by the house I decided to just meet her now..." she explains

"She must be in her room now.. preparing to meet you."

"Oh. I see... well, I guess I'll just surprise her." She grins. "Are you guys leaving?"

"Yeah... we just had brunch with her..."

Fuck. What is going on?

Just a second ago, you're having a serious confrontation with your husband. You guys are about to talk about the situation between you two. Yes, it may not be the ideal 'talk' but it is a start. But then, here you are. Hannah arrived and stole his full attention. Literally, she have all his eyes and ears. You suddenly became a shadow.

Then you are also hearing Yoongi converse. You are hearing how is he when he's not alone with you. You are hearing a side of him that you are not familiar with. 'Fuck Y/N, stop it.' You say yourself

Maybe, you just need to stop. Just stop complaining about his attention and him not liking you. Maybe he is not the problem. Maybe.. it's you? They forced him to marry and got stucked with you. YOU are the problem. You are NOT the person he wanted to marry. You just got selected just because.

You are the problem. As always. Like what everybody says to you.

"I'll just email you my thoughts after..." Hannah says

"Why not discuss it now?" Yoongi suggests

"Hmm...but you're about to leave..." she glances at you

"It's okay." Yoongi then pulls out his phone and messages someone. "I asked Mr. Kim to come... wait for him... I'll be quick." He says to you

You look at him for a second before you turn your back on him. "Sure." You sound lifeless. You sounded like you've given up already.

"Y-yoongi... you're going to make her wait?" She whispers to him but you care definitely hear it

"Let's make it quick. I don't want to work over the weekend."

He's more worried of working on the weekend but not making you stay and wait all alone.

They start to walk away. You could see their reflection through the windows of the car.

They left you alone.

He left you alone.

Then as you are standing there, waiting for Mr. Kim to come back, you slightly bend over your torso, holding onto the yourself as soon as you felt a little uncomfortable feeling on your lower abdomen. It's not painful but it is a bit of discomfort.

"Fuck..." you hiss under your breathe.

You should be careful now. Atleast until it's fully confirmed. Yes, you are pregnant. Well, that's what the PT told you a few days ago.

You took the test, in your bathroom, scared and shaking like a twig. You have never felt this terrified in your life. Ever. And the freaking 3mins of waiting felt like forever whilst you are in there, sitting on the floor.

But yeah, after the torture of waiting, the test did show two lines. It was a faint but it is positive. And during that moment, your world suddenly stopped spinning. You had to gather your thoughts and emotion within the span of 30mins that you have. (Because your maid will enter your bathroom to help you get ready after 30mins). That was one other toture you had to endure. And to add more spice on this never ending problem is that you were all ALONE. You had no one to hold hands or hug for moral support.

You are, all by yourself.

After testing, you did processed the result in your mind and managed to get back right to reality and decide by yourself to be... okay. To take it as another good day. Because this is not something bad. It is a miracle. It's a life.

Though, you can't lie. It was a whirlwind of emotion. And you don't know what to feel yet about it. You are not even sure if you are able to share it with anyone, even Yoongi since you still need to see a doctor to really confirm it.

Confirmation.

You fucking need that final 'yes you are pregnant'. Because your further decisions in life will revovle around that one thing. Decisions that might affect this marriage and basically affect your whole life. So, you really have to find a way to get a doctor's appointment in secret. For now...

"Miss?" Mr. Kim arrives and sees you slouching, "Is everything alright?"

You turn around, stands up straight and smile. "Yes..."

"Are you hurt?" He asks

"I'm fine... but I just think... my stomach feels heavy a bit from eating... I did ate quite a bit." You lie.

"Okay, let me bring you home quick so you could rest." He says

"Thank you."

****

[Yoongi's side]

Yoongi can't sleep. He got home earlier just an hour after Y/N got home. He asked the maids to call her, to have dinner with him, but unfortunately Y/N was already fast asleep.

He waited for her to wake up from what he thinks is just a quick nap. But whenever he asks the maid if she's up, they just shake their head and say sorry.

They fought. He thinks. It felt like they fought. It's his first time hearing her talk to him like that. She have been always timid and her patience with him is very long. However, she finally have had it.

How can you make your wife, who is clearly showing you that she's falling in love with you, start to hate you?

Well, Yoongi knows what he did and is doing to her. He is very controlling, cold and distant. And these are the traits that can't be part of your life especially of you are married. However, this is how he is. As a child no, but ever since the incident happen fifteen years ago, the trauma and the life he had to put through made him, This.

Outsiders might call him as the devil or the punisher of the Min Family because of all the work he is doing inside the office and outside. He is a fighter and his hands are always covered with blood. Though what he's doing is not a crime. The Min's business is not illegal. They control everything that they can do end everything that is illegal in the most legal way possible. If that makes sense.

They were just a business before. A typical rich family. But yeah, since what had happened to them years ago, they changed their rules and how they do it now.

And that's why Yoongi have this cold exterior. He needs to show to everyone who's watching him that he can't falter. That no one could try to even break him like how those monsters break his father. How those monster took them and made them hostages.

10 million. That's all it takes, for some uneducated humans do the most horrendous thing in this world. To hurt and kill an innocent child. A 16yrs old girl and a 14yr old boy.

Their parents were willing to give the money and even more, just for them to surrender their children. However, the fear in them when they know that the children saw their faces, made them decide to end it all.

Yuna, his older sister, sacrificed her life to save Yoongi. She is one brave young lady. She managed to push his brother just in time to fall on the edge, to roll down small hill and get away through the woods. She got shot and died on the spot. Yoongi saw everything but didn't had the time to grieve then and there because he had to survive yet. To run.

It took two more days before he was found. How he survived? No one knows. But since that day, the happy and cheerful little boy grew up and became the cold Yoongi everyone knows now.

He knows that what he have been through is not an excuse to treat his wife so coldy like this. She was only forced the marry him. She didn't even know him. Which is his fault as well because he didn't allow her to enter his bubble. Up to now...

However, through all the times that he have been with her little by little, as per his therapist's words, 'You are slowly breaking.' She said.

She said that before, whenever she asks him about his wife. He is usually nonchalant or indifferent. Like he's just talking about someone he randomly met. But then one day, the therapists said, she saw a glimpse of change in his eyes the moment she asks about his wife. His expression is the same but his eyes started to shift like he's thinking about it more before he speaks.

'You care. You just don't know how to show it' she said to him.

At first, When Yoongi heard that from his therapist, he got worried. Not because He is starting to have this feeling for his wife. No. His wife is never and will never be a bad thing that happened to his life. He is worried because, what if he breaks his cold exterious and somewhere out there in the world takes advantage of it and what happened years ago will happen again?

That is his only concern. That is why, he added more men. That's why Y/N can't leavr a house alone. That's why he always tracks her phone wherever she is. That's why he can't sleep without know if she is fine or not.

If only... he never had these issues, these traumas from the past, maybe... it's easier.

"Please... don't quit on me..." he says out loud as he closes his eyes, imagining the smiling face of his wife. "Don't... leave me..." he mutters

****

After what it seems like a very, very long day for you you're finally home. You are so tired that the first thing you did after getting changed is sleep. It feels like this is the longest you've slept in like forever.

You keep turning and waking up every now and then but your body kept forcing you to not wake up. It's like its telling you that you needed this. After all of the worrying you have been having these past few days. This sleep is for you.

But then maybe after hour five of sleeping, you felt something cold touch your skin. It didn't sting. It oddly felt good.

Slowly opening your eyes, you see a blurred figure in front of you. He's so close that you could actually smell his scent. The smell of baby powder.

"Yoongi?" You ask softly as your eyes slowly adjusted to the little light of your lamp shade. But no one answered back. You then rub your eyes to wake yourself up a bit more. Just to be surez you saw what you saw.

No one. There's no one there.

"Did I... just dream about him?" You ask, looking at the ceiling. "But I swear..." you trail off. "How funny... even in my dream... I see him..."

But you swear you smelled his scent. Your imagination of him is getting stronger. Your memory of him is getting move vivid. Even the smell now. That's how longing you are of him.

You miss him. Even though he is there  you miss him. Oddly, you miss the time that both of you are just sitting down together in his home office and just reading. You miss casually asking him questions. You miss hearing him talk even though he's talking about his work and not to you. You miss him even though you just saw him earlier. Even though... he hurt you.

His scent. The scent you really, really like. His smell whenever you two have sex. It's not strong but it's there. Whenever you close your eyes and drift away from the high, you know you are okay as long as you could smell and hear him.

Fuck. Is this how being in love is?

Just thinking about him makes you want to cry. You are frustrated at him but at the same time frustrated to yourself as well. Why is communicating is so hard? You know that's the issue. Both of you are not good with talking nor expressing yourselves. Well, that's what Taehyun told you earlier.

Yeah, you went on a side trip earlier before going home, to meet your friend at his work. You needed someone to talk to and you know Taehyung is always there ready to listen to you.

You poured your heart out earlier, crying and all. You were sorry for disturbing him at work but you needed that cry and that hug. You had to told him your feelings about Yoongi. You have to say it out loud for you to truely understand the situation and yourself.

You needed someone's opinion to point out the obvious so it could stick in to your brain.

Growing up to a family where your opinion does not matter took a toll on you as well. Especially to an adoptive family. A family that only needed you for money.

To them, you always feel left out and does not deserve a voice. They always tell you that they only gave you a roof above your head and food to eat because you are what they needed. A piggy bank.

Your parents died in an accident years ago, when you are just 12yrs old. There was a police chase in the highway that rainy day. Every one is on high alert and giving way. But well, the criminals weren't exactly running away and trying to avoid cars. They hit quite a few vehicles during the chase and one of them was your parent's. The crash caused an explosion, killing them in an instant.

And like any drama stories on TV, yout aunt took you in because of your parent's insurance. They are not big but it is a decent amount. However, they could not actually touch it since it is saved for your education that's why the first month of you staying with them was torture. They beat you, make you work and starve you from time to time because they said, 'you don't deserve to eat unless you work for it'.

One reason why starving yourself was easy for you when you need to.

But then things changed a bit when someone knocked on the door one day and gave your adoptive parents a good amount of money. You remember the man saying 'this is for the trouble and lost we caused your family during our battle for saving our children.' You do remember you aunt, being a good actress that day, crying and all. You even saw them be in a good mood. Everyday because of that money. So since then, whenever you have a part time job or one good seasonal job, you save up and give it to them.

You do this not because you want them to be happy. You do this because you wanted peace for yourself. They will not hurt you if you give them what they need.

This is one reason too why you accepted this marriage. Even though, you know you will have trials too. But atleast you know, no one is going to hurt you physically anymore.

Though, you are having troubles now too.... it is still different. Like you said, it is the communication.

Is it all Yoongi's fault? No. Taehyung said that maybe, since I'm very submissive and him being very dominant, grew up giving orders or not listening to anyone because he is who he is, it affected the talking part in the relationship. Though he cannot say that it is a hundred percent fact. Because he explain, everyone have different stories of growing up and these affects every facet of their whole being when they get old.

Well, that's what you got from all his talk. Half of it, you are numb from all the crying and can't hear properly.

Though that talk with Taehyung,you needed that. Now all you have to do is talk to Yoongi.

If.... you have the courage too.

It is so hard to start a conversation not knowing how he feels about you. It is scary and a risk. But you are hoping it will turn out good especially now that you are expecting.

"Oh, right! The result!" You got up immediately and grab your phone.

You visited Taehyung in the hospital and he got to help you get a blood test to confirm. You forgot to talk to him about the result because you two are busy with doing friend therapy. He said, he'll just email you the result.

But then as you were scrolling scrolling through your emails your stomach growls. "I'm hungry..." you mumble and pause. "Taehyung said that if I am really pregnant... I need to eat properly now..."

And you haven't eaten dinner since you just slept since you came home. You need to eat.

Looking at the time it's pass 10pm already. Everyone must be asleep now or getting to bed so you must go and make yourself food yourself.

"Just one toast." You say as you push your blanket away. "Or two..."

You walk along the hallways as quietly as you can and then take the stairs instead of the elevator, going to the upper ground, so you could not disturb anyone.

There is still minimal light coming from the kitchen area. 'Maybe someone is still there?' You thought to yourself and hoping it is one of the maids so they could help you grab the things in the pantry. Since you don't really know how they organize it.

But then the second you turn to the corner, to enter the doorway

"Ah!" You hit your head first at something. Or at someone

Then after collecting yourself from bumping on someone, you look up to see who it was. "Sorry, I wasn't looking at--"

Fuck! It's not Yoongi nor anyone of the staff.

You tried to run back and scream but it was too late. He was quick to cover your mouth with a cloth. A scented cloth. The smell quickly pierced your nostrils and immediately made you feel dizzy and sleepy.

You are barely awake but you know he carried you over his shoulder. You could see the floor and the lights slowly to flicker. You are about to loose it.

'Help... Someone.... Yoongi... please...' You say to yourself before totally loosing consciousness.

-----

Taglist based on the replies last post 🖤

@gaby-93   @goodbyetwenty   @baechugff

@amyz78   @qeen123   @armystay89   @bangtannie7 @daisies-and-dandelionpuffs @corruptedmistress @ot72025 @cheezwiz

@xkh0  @eli-deville

[w1shb0n3z]

Alright, so hear me out

(this is another long one. Like. Seriously. It has 2.6k words.)

*yes, I edited this like 5 mins after I posted it just to add some more, oops

Post cannon Labru where Laios tries to help Kabru regain weight

TW: ED, Body Dysmorphia, Fat-phobia, Gender Dysphoria

It turns out to he a huge body image thing. Like Kabru develops a bit of an ED after he gains his weight back and tries to stay "the perfect weight" and major body dysmorphia. But! It's very sweet because hand feeding, of course, and self-acceptance.

I imagine Kabru's blue eyes get brought up when Laios is like "oh, you don't like that about yourself? :( you're so wonderful! What else could you possibly not like! Surely not those eyes ^^" or something

Plus! I'm 98% sure that Laios gains some weight post cannon, so his wrestler build gets softer, which, yay! We love that here! But this comes with its positives and negatives. (Dont he scared by how big the negative paragraph is)

Positive: Kabru has an example of having a healthy relationship with yourself and your body

Negatives (and hold on) TW btw: at a certain point of Kabru's weight gain/ body acceptance journey, where he gets obsessed with keeping "the perfect body" and does everything in his power not to gain anymore, his own twisted view of himself spills over to Laios. He starts to view Laios as a sort of slob or careless person because he gained weight after the dungeon and gained an extra 5-ish pounds while helping Kabru gain. Because Laios can and will encourage Kabru to eat by eating with him with a smile on his face.

What if someone finds out about Kabru's purging?

Yes, Kabru has purged a few times while he was at his lowest. And no, Laios doesn't catch him in the act. He doesn't know until someone tells him about it. Kabru just keeps it to himself with a tinge of guilt. Someone else finds out. I can't decide who yet, but if it were:

Chilchuck - he'd be familiar with his topic because one of his daughters went through the same thing. He keeps secret as per Kabru's request but gives to Kabru straight. He tells him vomiting hat much rots your teeth and only has negative impacts in the future. With Chil being big and tall for his race's standards and him canonically watching his own weight, he talks Kabru through this whole body image thing. Maybe not in the exact way Kabru wants, but in the way he needs

Senshi - he's SO against this. He tries to father Kabru, but his own lack of understanding for why Labru feels this way gets in the way of progress. He urges Kabru to eat and tells Laios what's goin on in hopes of figuring out what all of this is about, accidentally spilling the beans and leading to conflict between Laios and Kabru

Marcille - she doesn't really get the ED thing, but she gets not liking your body (since she never fit in with her "age group" while growing up and wished she physically presented like them). She also tells Kabru that throwing up rots his teeth and says it's bad for your mana and junk. Shes very offput by this whole thing, but she tries. She doesn't tell Laios...on purpose. (Falin also finds out becuase the guilt Marcille has from telling that secret ears her alive)

Falin - my girl does NOT understand. But she's here to empathize. She ends up being huge in Kabru's healing journey. She tries to check in on bim every now and then and uses her own transformation to promote body acceptance

Izutsumi - she doesn't know what to do. She's 17 goddamn it. So when she hears Kabru throwing up she just assumes he's sick, but when she keeps hearing it she gets a little stressed about him. She goes "he's just weird" and mentions it in conversation to someone else, most likely Marcille (which probably led to Marcille finding out in the earlier paragraph)

Mickbell...somehow - is like "dude wtf" and tells Rin about it since he knows there close. He's worried, yeah, but he doesn't think its really his problem. Especially since the two fo them aren't close like that.

Kuro - he finds out and tells Rin as well, he also tells Kabru that he looks fine. He mentions it to Mickbell, yeah, but in a "Will he be okay? :(" way

Rin - devastated. She initially gives Kabru a hard talk...which makes him worse, but hey! She tried. Rin then thinks its becuase of the shame of dying many times and tries to comfort Kabru again. Doesn't work. She tries to get him to eat the things he likes. He eats them, but she can sense the guilt from Kabru. They then have a heart to heart becuase Rin can't stand to see her best friend suffer like this and assures him that he looks fine as often as he needs

Holm - he takes a simular approach as Falin but gets a little more involved. He understands it on paper, but can't image what actually having these issues is like. Yes, he also informs Rin and is the one that told her to try to speak to Kabru in a less...prickly manner about this touchy subject

Daya - She doesnt realise what Kabru was trying to achieve by puking. So she just advises him not to do so and tells Rin about the strange behavior.

How does this affect non-platonic Labru?

Easy!

Well for starters! If they were boning before, they aren't now LMAO

Partly because of Kabru's own body image being trash and his attraction to Laios (temporarily) going to shit after Laios gained some weight to encourage Kabru. Damn that internalized fat-phobia. Neither one of them seems to have a clue what's going on. Let word, seems.

Kabru knows his view of Laios just isn't the same, but he doesn't let it be known that he's aware of this.

Does he feel bad? Yeah. But he only feels bad because he doesn't feel bad. He feels as though he's a shitty boyfriend for harboring such disgust for his partner's figure

Laios catches Kabru stealing glances at himself in the mirror. Staring just a little too long. Laios deduces that Kabru's feeling a little self-conscious after some hard thought.

So, of course, he makes sure to be extra careful about his words. He'd totally be like that one meme (which I can't find) that goes: "damn girl, that ass is wide" "what??" "I didn't want to say fat and trigger your eating disorders :/"

Plus, on the not boning thing, they're busy. You got a king and his advisor, they're not gonna be cranking it up every night! They simply sleep together, in a literal sense most nights anyways, so more sleep isn't anything bad

Additionally, I don't believe Laios has a high sex drive at all. (I personally think he's on the asexual spectrum, maybe because I'm ace, but still)

Kabru won't initiate a thing at the moment, it's up to Laio's sporadic desires to get things going. (It never gets going)

What if Laios discovers Kabru's feelings towards him and the purging?

He's hurt, simply put. He can't understand why Kabru dislikes his body, Laios can't understand why his own body would be such a turn off now.

In the non-platonic vers Laios tries to become "sexy" again. ....He fails horribly and ends up making a fool out if himself. At first he's like, "well monsters do this to attract mates" right after he feels as though he needs to inprove upon himself. Then he goes "no... Kabru isnt a monster, and im not either (unfortunately)"

He pushes that silly thought aside and tries to find out *why* Kabru is turned off by his looks now. His face? No.. His hair? Just got it cut. His figure? ...but why?

Laios goes right up to Kabru and confronts him about it. Kabru being the slippery bitch that he is denies it and goes "lol wtf haha! I luv u bae and there's nothing wrong with u!! ur so sexy and hot haha..."

This, inevitably, confused the shit out of Laios and he asks for honesty. Kabrus actions aren't exactly aligning with his words, and something needs to he done.

[Okay, let's be real here. If Kabru didn't want Laios to know how he felt, Laios' ass would NOT know lmao. This is just for the bit]

Now the purging? Laios is like "dude what? :(" he doesn't understand it. Nope. Not at all. He tires to he supportive, but he really doesn't know what to do with this. It's not like there's a bulimia monster, so he has no real frame of reference.

He's all "but you look fine how you are :(" and "I like the weight on you!" or even "did you know that [this species of monster] finds fat attractive? ,:D"

He means so so well, and Karbu knows it. Laios really is just a dog of a man.

Laios also tries to get Kabru to promise to stop. We know how that went. Karbu agreeing just to do it behind Laios' back because he knows Laios won't find out. He'll cut back on it, yeah, but he has his weak moments.

Eventually, Laios makes sure to only have Kabru serve his favorite meals. That should keep him from puking it up! And Karbu stops after a while. But only because his health is on the decline.

What else?

Two words: hand. feeding.

Kabru throws up? He gets his favorite meals so he won't. Kabru keeps checking his figure? Less mirrors in the caslte and more compliments. Kabru not eating enough or skipping meals? Simple. Laios makes sure he eats.

And how? A little less of Laios sensually slipping a fork full of decedent chocolate cake past Kabru's lips and a little more than a simple "here comes the airplane"

It starts off as Laios seeing Kabru taking smaller bites and being like "oh! Let me show you how to fill your fork! ^^" and then him taking Kabru's fork, impaling a bunch of assorted foods onto said fork, then handing it back to Kabru.

Then it sort of devolved (...evolved?) Into Kabru begrudgingly letting Laios feed him like a toddler while no one else ot looking. My boy Kabru does NOT know how to say no to this autistic man properly.

Laios was like "would it help if I just fed you?" And karbu replied something like "haha! It just might!" And of course Laios did not pick up on that God level sarcasm and went "cool, Let's try it then" and Kabru, wanting to appease Laios said "cool!". Bro was punching air.

(Yes, Laios said stuff like "good job buddy!" "You're doing so well!" "Its tasty, right?" Almost every bite)

In the non-platonic world, Laios would have Karbu sit ever so close to him as he was fed, maybe even in his lap. And of course Karbu would get a peck on the cheek after every bite. And the whole process may or may not turn Laios on. Especially when they're dining on monster. Whoops.

....anything else?

This all ties in with the absurd standards that was set for Karbu and the insecurities he hides within himself.

The whole blue-eye-spawn-of-a-demon thing was already enough for him. But being raised by that moody ass elf was a whole nother thing.

Milsiril, his adoptive elf mom, raises children like she has a monopoly in daycares. She's a serial foster fr. All them damn kids. Raising them like pets becuase you want something to love and depend on you. (I love Milsiril btw)

Anyways.

Kabru was his mom's favorite since his features were unique. Im talkin big bright blue eyes contrasting with rich dark skin, in particular. Plus, he was so sociable! All of his siblings looked up to him in one way or another. He was the star child.

And, you know that thing about elves being twinks, right? When ever Milsiril would check up on Karbu's health, she would use this old elven chart depicting the "average/desirable/suggested" height, weight, and muscle tone for diffrent short-lived races at diffrent ages/stages of life.

Safe to say these charts and texts were based off of elven standards, so everyone was thought to be slimmer, lighter, and more toned than normal. Plus, they're old lol. Instead of updating her charts and buying some from the diffrent cultures and races, she keeps her old one becuase she legit just forgets to replace it and hasn't had any "major problems" while raising her kids with that information so she doesn't think to change it.

What in trying to say is!

Kabru was raised with unrealistic body goals, and when he used to deviate from those arbitrary statistics during childhood he'd be put on diets and stuff.

Also, What if Kabru was transmasc?

Especially when he was a teen, even gaining a little wait made him go nuts. He couldn't get the words "unhealthy" out of his head and started associating it with the word "fat". His mind likes to play tricks on him when he's in the mirror. Exaggerating his figure and making him panic.

So! When he was sick and tired after that weird ass dungeon trip that changed his whole world and he came back to find himself thin as a pin, he tweaked.

He logically hated it because it was unhealthy, but a part of him was satisfied. With the added stress of becoming a Kings advisor, he started to crack under the pressure, manifesting in an obsession with himself. When he started to gain weight back he was brought right back to those check ups he had with Milsiril and those 2, maybe 3 times he was put onto diets in his youth. He really feared he was getting fat and he would just stare into the mirror and feel his flesh beneath his fingertips, searching for some sort of confirmation. All he felt was a bit of a squish, a bit of a give, and that's all he needed.

It was too much for him. His body was wrecked in his eyes. He's supposed to he fit and lean and thin and perfect. How could that be perfect? He looks in the mirror in his private study, wasting the time he could've been spending planning new city infrastructure or working out the kinks in trade. But no. He's here, in his dimly lit room, looking at how imperfect he's become in his eyes. How unhealthy he is his mom's eyes. How disgusting he is in his birth mothers eyes.

He had to fix it. The wound rubs deep, dar past the dermis. And, I guess, much like other wounds that cut a chasm into the skin, you don't really feel it once it severs your nerves. You don't really notice until you see the big, gaping, bleeding, notch where you used to be.

Lol anyways

Whoo boy. He is in hell. He feels like gaining weight makes him look "softer" and more feminine. He hates it, yes. But he tries his best not to let it effect his wardrobe. This whole weight journey really rehydrated his gender dysphoria.

He's used to looking a little androgynous, but with his new weight going to his stomach, hips, and thighs, he just feels as though his silhouette is becoming more girly.

Kabru is found training and working out more. Anything to get his body more boxy again.

He spends more time making sure he looks presentable. Even waking up a little earlier to ensure he vouge cover ready. (Well, I mean, as vouge ready as perpetual business casual can be)

And how does it end?

It takes some time, but Kabru heals. He's 10 pounds heavier than when we were first introduced to him, but he doesn't mind anymore.

It was a long journey full of all sorts of denail and shame, but he got there.

He's still the Light Yagami coded perfect chivalrous boy. He always has been. And Laios loves him all the same. Platonically or not.

Laios was essential in Karbu learning to let go of those impossible ideal and unreachable standards. Laios does not give a fuck afterall, he thinks all human bodies are unintresting beautiful! That dude does not judge. Rember him talking about the orc women in one of the monster tidbit sections? He's about body acceptance and neutrality.

Kabru grew to love his body, not just tolderate it or like it because someone else does. And if it tickles you, he liked the extra pounds Laios gained in the end, too. And if you're here for non-platonic Labru, then Laios may have became a bit of a feeder and has a tiiiiny food kink. Plus, Laios is a huge fan of the squish and Kabru likes how warm Laios is.

I just want to add this in here, also hecuase ive seen it before and i agree, but Laios seems like the type to give dutch ovens. He shows love like a big brother and its horrible (affectionate). This passes Karbu off SO BAD and it's hilarious. He has to sit down and have a very direct and serious talk about "getting too comfortable". And Laios would sit there the entire time like a sad dog and nod along.

Kabru and Laios also wrestle. No debate. They do it to spar, Laios does it for fun, Kabru does it to make Laios shut up. It's great!

Sorry this took so long lmao,, I legit just kept forgetting to write this

This was just word vomit. I've lost the plot somewhere along the way, I fear

[bitchimasnake-sss]

unwinding after a long day ft. luffy!

in which, after a long day, he comes right back to you <3

ft. luffy x fem!reader

set-up: its been a tiring day for him, good thing you're right here to offer your services (wink wink)

warnings: both sfw/nsfw headcanons for this dumbass; nsfw stuff includes penetration, cockwarming, raw!fucking (kids use protection pls 👍)

luffy:

sfw!!

- after a long, long day of eating, running around the deck with ussop, defeating like five sea kings, enduring 53628 kicks and punches from the crew (how is this man a captain is beyond me sometimes), luffy is bound to be tired - you're laying on your bed post-dinner, absent-mindedly chipping away the nail polish - you feel the mattress next to you dip lowly as he jumps next to you, face-first - "ynn-" he's whining, wrapping his hands around you and intertwining his legs between yours, "ynnnnnn" "hmm?" you hum, still busy picking apart the colour on your nails "i'm so, so soooo tired" a laugh escapes you, "really? is it due to all the running?" and now he's pouting, "are you saying it's my own fault?" - you peck his cheek, then flash him a grin, "how can i ever say that?" - most of the nights, you silence him by giving him a massage - you don't even think you're good at it but holy shit this boy is obsessed with getting a quick massage from you. - and this has led to quite the number of misunderstandings. "yn," he had asked you when the crew were eating dinner together, "can we do that thing at night? i really need it." "WHAT THE FUCK-" nami is punching luffy in his guts, his food is being thrown out of his mouth and onto zoro, "WE ARE EATING." - he meant massage. - you knew it, he knew it. the rest of the crew? they assumed you were fucking (they aren't wrong, per se. they just didn't want to believe that all the sounds of bed creaking wasn't from you both jumping around, rip them) - yeah ussop threw up and sanji fell to his knees and cried for like 57 mins because how did luffy manage to bag you??? - zoro hasn't spoken in two days from the shock of it (and the traumatic experience of having food spit on him) and nami has retired to her room for a whole business week, she is now only conversing by using chopper as her message carrier - chopper is confused (poor bby 😭😭, he assumed it was massage or something and he is the only one who's correct) - anyways, other than getting massages, sometimes he starts rambling on about something or the other till he falls asleep mid-conversation - rest assured because he will continue whenever he wakes up "where was i?" he's shaking you awake "luffy" you groan, "it's like two am, go to sleep" "oh right, so ussop told chopper than reindeers are called reigndeers because they used to be actual kings back in the ancient times and so rein means reign and not rain like most people as-" he falls asleep again mid conversation - tf are you supposed to do with this man?? - peak, sheer dumbassery even when he's tired

nsfw!!

- this man refuses to entertain one-sided favours - your soft hands were kneading away the tension on his biceps a few minutes ago, so obviously he should return the favour back by massaging your back - you refuse many times because as much as you love luffy, this man does not understand his own strength - so you have a very valid fear that he would break your spine as he gives you a massage - "this isn't fair, let me do it too ughh" "how about no" "okay then let me fuck you, you'd like that right?" - didn't even blink twice plz 😭😭 - this dude is dead serious. - he gotta make up to you for being such a sweetheart to him one way or the other - that explains how he was pulling your top off, sucking sweetly on your tits, fingers gently rubbing over your clothed pussy - that also explained how he pulled you onto his lap, slipping in his dick inside you, stretching you out with a loud moan "you always take it so well, don'tcha?" he grins at you, tipping your head upwards and kissing you - refuses to move tho. - basically baited you into cockwarming him - what a royal asshole. - "what is it?" he coos when he feels your walls clamp down on him, your fingers desperately toying with your clit to get some sort of relief "pl- pleasefuckme-" there's tears clinging onto your lashline, your lips are red from how long you've been biting and chewing on them "hm?" he grins at your state, "what was that you said?" "please-" your breath hitches as he thrusts into you suddenly "fuck you?" "go- god. fuck, yes" his thrusts are merciless, pounding into you at a speed that has your overstimulated cunt spasming in seconds - doesn't let you go till he feels like he's paid you back enough "that was fun" he nuzzles into your neck, breathing slowly "mhm" you feel yourself dozing off he lays you down before snuggling into you and falling asleep - will end up giving you a massage in the morning anyways - although he can be just a little bit of a dick sometimes, there's no one you would rather unwind with

bonus!!

- ussop (while crying) had to relocate from his cabin to sanji's because the walls are really not that thick and he was next door - "i can hear them-" ussop sniffled, standing at sanji's doorstep, "omg i can hear luffy-" "ussop, you have to learn to face the horrors of the world." sanji spoke firmly, although his expression betrayed the confidence in his voice - actually they both just cried and ate the secret stash of ice-cream sanji had saved up - you and luffy need to pay for their therapy now im afraid 😃

zoro's part <3 sanji's part <3

[quikhs]

Synopsis : Lately, Shoyo had been onto something and that makes you worried since he's been escaping from your guys 'rules' in the household. And that's lead to confronting him about it.

-> timeskip!shoyo is being slick (but not rlly) so you had to catch him and shred him to pieces/jk. Establish relationship. In general, fluff bc shoyo in angst? *Heart shattered.*

wc : 670 (drabbles)

A/N : theme makes me want to scream, legit had to search for a divider for a few mins and ended up using the ones in my gallery :')

Goodbye and welcome kisses are a must.

Either when it's Shoyo or you going out, which meant leaving one or the other. Showing love through small pecks, intertwining your pinky with his became somewhat of a routine as a greeting and goodbye. Even when in such a rush, this tradition has no exceptions, as it's a must.

...

So when Shoyo just disappears, leaving no trace behind except for a 'I'm going!' and the sound of the door shutting, perhaps he's too late for training? Or he had forgotten about—there's absolutely no way,not a bit would he forget the kisses you always share.

Or has his brain got a memory loss? The thought lingered in your mind as you kept on with your daily tasks before taking your leave as well. It happened tomorrow once again, then the next day.

Now, that's suspicious, Shoyo.

But before you can catch on, he always leaves earlier than he normally would. In addition, it makes things worse because that's even more suspicious.

Yet, you wouldn't put an accusation against Shoyo; he's a sweetheart. There's no way he would do something behind your back, maybe.

And that's how you are waiting near the door, awaiting his figure to leave the house with a goodbye kiss because, you’re sure, if this keeps continuing, then you'll be crazy by the end of the week. For your sanity, you have to put an end to this.

...

In simple terms, you wouldn't let it slide today.

And when Shoyo finally rushes to the door, just to be greeted by someone with a big, wide frown like a pouting child that made him chuckle. Although he tried to refrain from it because that means you're upset. As he picked up his sports shoes, sliding them on easily without any disturbance—only your frown.

Just as Shoyo is about to open the doorknob, holding onto it, you say, "My kiss?" The sharpness in your voice, the glare that could just pierce his back, he swore it was (very) scary for someone who's lovely. Shoyo's head slowly turned to face you with a sheepish smile as he pulled his hand from the knob.

Of course, you noticed.

And how doomed Shoyo is now.

"Aw, miss me that much?" he teases while taking you in his arms, wrapping you close to him before pecking your lips as per usual.

"Well, a certain someone may have forgotten the rules here," you retorted, still keeping the slight resentment in your tone. As a result, Shoyo cackles.

Okay, he's been caught.

"Oh, I definitely owe Atsumu a drink after this," he muses while keeping his arms under yours. Alright, that got your attention fully.

Atsumu? Drink? What is he on to? Shoyo only cackles more when he sees the confusion written on your face.

It turns out Atsumu had made a bet with Shoyo. That if he managed to go without a goodbye and a welcome kiss for about a week, he'd buy Shoyo a drink. Now, everything clicked together like a complete puzzle. Although your nose scrunched at his words before he brushed his against yours playfully.

Maybe that's why he's been running away...

and Shoyo earned a gentle slap on the shoulder from you. "You—fine, no more goodbye kisses then!" you said, trying to escape from his grasp, still upset by how he just acted so casually. "No, wait! I love your kisses!" Jokingly, Shoyo tightened his grip and hoped to never let go.

Well, not now at least.

Perhaps he should do this again; your reaction was absolutely hilarious (and sweet), although he'll keep that to himself since telling you that, would just earn another slap from you.

And how Atsumu was grateful for you because the drink was definitely a blessing. After that, Shoyo noted to not put anything involving love and affection between you two, since in the end, he'll lose anyway.

But did he regret it? Nope, witnessing your reactions towards his (feigning) dismissal of your shared intimacy is the best.

[gregorovitch-adler]

My thoughts about The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes:

Let's start by summarising the movie -

No crime-solving happens in the first 34 minutes. The first act is all about Holmes and Watson's dynamic, exploration of the nature of their relationship with each other, etc. If you're the type of person who only watches/reads Sherlock Holmes for the cases, you'd believe this portion is skippable. Only the blink-and-miss detail about the "Midgets' case" is important as far as Holmes' detective work is concerned.

However, if you think exploring Holmes and Watson's interpersonal relationship and their casework are both equally important, like I do, the first act is GOLD. Most of the Tumblr gifs about this movie are from the first 30-35 mins lol.

1.) Holmes enters and they bicker like an old, married couple.

H: Oh, come now, Watson, you must admit that you have a tendency to overromanticize. You have taken my simple exercises in logic and embellished them, embroidered them, exaggerated them ---

W: I deny the accusation.

H: You have described me as six-footfour, whereas I am barely six-footone.

W: A bit of poetic license.

Not only is this whole scene just delightful in general but the theory about Watson being an unreliable narrator in ACD canon is actually being supported throughout the movie, starting right here.

--

W:It's those little touches that make you colorful...

H: Lurid is more like it. You have painted me as a hopeless dope addict - just because I occasionally take a five per cent solution of cocaine.

W: A seven per cent solution.

H: Five per cent. Don't you think I'm aware you've been diluting it behind my back?

This exchange was lovely. Way to slip in their closeness through a few words.

2.) Watson doesn't think it's odd to barge right in when Holmes is completely naked and taking a bath?

Also, why the hell does Holmes bathe with his bedroom door wide open?

And what's that thing he's taking a bath in called? Does anyone know about this stuff? Was this thing common in that timeline? It doesn't seem to fit a grown man like Holmes.

I have so many questions and I'm speechless at the same time. I'll just drop this here:

3.) Then Watson persuades Holmes to go to The Swan Lake ballet.

Watson enjoys that ballet, a little too much at that, mostly because he's staring at all the women on stage. (We'll get back to this later.)

Holmes on the other hand has dozed off. All he can admire about the most beautiful dancer, Petrova, is her strong arches. Which is... 🏳‍🌈

Then that whole scene about Nicholai and Petrova and Holmes in the dressing room. XD

Petrova offers a Stradivarius violin to Holmes in exchange for sleeping with her for a week, so that her child would be beautiful like her and brilliant like Holmes.

Holmes gets out of the situation by lying to both of them; saying he's in a relationship with Watson.

Honestly, that whole bit. Just look at the lines:

N: She has been dancing since she was three years old, and after all, she is now thirty-eight.

H: (gallantly) I must say she doesn't look thirty-eight.

N: That is because she is forty-six.

And:

Nicholai: (about Tolstoy) Too old --- Then we considered the philosopher, Nietzsche --

H: Absolutely first-rate mind ---

N: Too German --

Etc. They're all so funny. This whole scene is something else.

In fairness to Holmes, he did try to get himself out of the situation by lying about having hemophilia in his family, or saying that he's unromantic because he's English, etc but Petrova was having none of it.

Watson coming into the room all of a sudden gives so much clarity and calmness to Holmes. He just knows what to say to help himself because of Watson.

This unforgettable exchange:

N: You mean, you and Dr. Watson - He is your glass of tea?

H: If you want to be picturesque about it.

On a side note, I absolutely loved Nicholai's face journey throughout both scenes - in the dressing room, stuck in the middle of Holmes and Petrova's awkwardness, and later on when he asks about the alleged Holmes-Watson romance to Watson after having spread the rumour in the whole room.

I just loved his reactions a lot.

According to this movie-

Caprice of Mother Nature = Gay.

Half-and-half = Bisexual.

Watson comes to know about the rumour, after having had the time of his life with both men and women in the ballroom. Watson is pissed off, he goes home and confronts about the whole thing to Holmes.

They have a row at Baker Street, in which Watson is being extremely heteronormative again. Thinking too much about his reputation without stopping to question his own feelings and his weird fixation on Holmes' love life.

There's that famous line again:

W: Holmes, let me ask you a question. I hope I'm not being presumptuous -but there have been women in your life?

H: The answer is yes -- you're being presumptuous. Good night.

Awesome.

This marks the end of Act I.

The existence of these 33 minutes of the movie is proof that the writing team in this adaptation knows that exploring Holmes and Watson's characters and what they mean to each other is as important as Holmes' casework. Billy Wilder takes this seriously, even though there are some jokes here and there about it.

The whole of Act I is filled with raising questions about Holmes and Watson's preferences, etc. Does Holmes feel love or is he just a machine? Does Holmes feel love for Watson? Does Watson know about Holmes' feelings for him? Does Watson feel the same way about Holmes?

In my opinion, all the answers to the personal questions about Holmes are as clear as a day. What's really questionable is whether Watson knows and/or feels the same way about Holmes or not. Different viewers might draw different conclusions/inferences after watching this movie.

After this, the movie takes a turn because "Gabrielle" enters the picture, and the actual crime-solving begins from here. The tone becomes a bit more serious in this act.

A young woman, completely wet and in shock enters 221 B. Watson has to pay for her fare to the cabbie before he and Holmes take her upstairs to take care of her.

She can't remember anything at first, then from her wedding ring, Holmes gets to know her name: Gabrielle Valladon. Her husband's name is Emile Valladon.

She appears to have temporary amnesia because of getting hit on the forehead and almost drowning in the Thames.

She reveals info about herself that she's from Belgium, her husband was here in London for a job, they used to write to each other, and after some time, the letters from her husband stopped coming. She'd gone to the London police first after coming to this city. She says the police had advised her to consult Sherlock Holmes.

Now, this should make the viewer skeptical of her. Scotland Yard does consult Sherlock Holmes when they need him, but they aren't going to let him have the whole case if there's a situation like this.

Besides, that woman ending up at Baker Street specifically seems to be planned, anyway. Also, there's always this man who keeps waiting for her or someone else's signals on the outside.

I know what we see on screen comes from Watson's drafts on loose pages, but this movie's narration seems to be Third Person Omniscient POV to me. Where the viewer is privy to more information as compared to the characters.

The three of them keep looking for her husband's whereabouts, and she pretends to be helpless, needy, and fragile (to stroke the ego of the men around her, I believe. I mean that could be one of the reasons...) with temporary amnesia throughout most of the movie. Holmes and Watson don't suspect a thing about her as they keep working for her and she keeps sending cryptic messages to the "Trappists" (German government) with her parasol.

The thing I love about this act:

Ilse von Hofmannsthal aka Gabrielle Valladon is actually a competent character who happens to be a woman. We can see something shady is going on with her even though we don't know her real name, but one of the most brilliant people on the planet doesn't suspect anything. He thinks she's just a woman looking for her husband's whereabouts. He thinks her back story is real.

He keeps on thinking that until Mycroft basically tells him in the third act which is why we're able to see for ourselves that Ilse was genuinely able to outsmart Holmes. We don't have to be told by the narrative voice about Ilse's strengths (*cough* unlike BBC Sherlock and a lot of female characters written by Steven Moffat *cough*).

I, for one, felt respectful of Ilse or "Gabrielle" for real. It was quite refreshing to me after having watched some modern Holmes adaptations.

Holmes, Watson, and "Gabrielle" go looking for the cause of Emile Valladon's death after they've found his coffin in the graveyard, in the guise of having a picnic. Holmes and "Gabrielle" pretend to be a married couple - Mrs and Mr Ashdown, and Watson is their valet. The scenes after this point are delightful mainly because of Watson's reactions (which could be read as his jealousy over Holmes, too).

Also, me when Holmes calls Watson 'John' in an archaic Holmes adaptation:

Because of his sort of stupidity, Holmes takes Ilse, a German spy, right in front of the submersible (which he thinks is a mechanical 'monster' that lives underwater) in a boat, along with Watson.

Ilse was trying to grab as much information as she could about that secret project because she was working for her country. Who knew someone would show her the live version of that model so readily (albeit unknowingly)? :P

The three of them are obviously unable to find anything about Emile Valladon, so they go back to the inn room they're staying in.

That's when one of Mycroft's men comes to pick Holmes up and take him to his elder brother. Here's when the third act begins, I think.

Mycroft had warned Sherlock not to pursue "Gabrielle's" case any further during the second act. But Sherlock didn't listen, because a.) he's an empathetic man, and b.) Mycroft can't just order him to do or drop something just because. Sherlock is not a child anymore.

I know Mycroft was only trying to protect Sherlock, and that he couldn't have told him the real reason to stop him at that time, but still.

Either way, months of planning and testing the submersible have gone to waste because Holmes did not suspect at any point that his client, "Gabrielle Valladon" might have just been lying to him since the start. Can't blame Holmes for that. Ilse was meticulous.

Mycroft shows the model to the queen and she strongly disapproves of the model and curses it a lot. Personally, this seemed to be a shitty decision on her part, and I felt so frustrated and annoyed at her in that scene. She didn't even care to hear about its features. She just rejected it on the spot! :(

Mycroft decides to 'give the submarine' to the German government. It's implied that the Trappists were drowned along with the submarine itself in the deep waters. (That's what I gathered from that scene - correct me if my interpretation was wrong).

In conclusion, while Ilse is genuinely able to outsmart Holmes (unlike some writers forcing us to believe it in their adaptation because they told us so), the German government isn't able to go anywhere with the info they've gathered through Ilse because of Mycroft's last move. Moreover, the English government would have sent her to jail, if Sherlock hadn't suggested Mycroft send her back to her own country.

So, in the end, it's a lose-lose situation for all of them.

1.) Sherlock Holmes didn't know that Ilse was faking her name and her whole identity for a long time, so he unknowingly helped a German spy, thinking he was just helping an ordinary client. Ilse almost had him and the viewers could see for themselves that she'd outsmarted him.

2.) Even after Ilse von Hofmannsthal has got what she wanted for her government, as a spy, they aren't able to make use of that info because of Mycroft. And she has to get out of England anyway.

3.) Mycroft Holmes also fails, to some extent, because ages of effort to plan the submersible, hide the plans, and test the model in secret - all of it has gone to waste. The queen doesn't even want to hear him out in the end.

But even if it was a lose-lose situation, the battle was damn intriguing because of the high intellect on both sides - Holmes brothers and Ilse.

Months later, Holmes receives a letter from Mycroft about Ilse's arrest and execution by the Japanese government. Reading that, he's so moved that he can't even finish his breakfast. He gets up and asks Watson for his cocaine supply. Watson tells him, and then Holmes grabs the bag and goes to his room. Holmes shuts himself in, Watson gets up from the breakfast table too, sits beside the fireplace, and begins to write something on a piece of paper. Probably about the case, but for nobody to see.

End of Act III and the movie.

--

I loved the background score of this movie. It's quite touching and refreshing to listen to.

A lot of dialogue exchanges in the movie are so deep if you stop to think about them. It's unbelievable how much writers can convey through a few words. Some of them are quite funny too - particularly from Act I. There's a thin line between being funny and mocking, and TPLOSH didn't cross that. It was nice.

I love this portrayal of Sherlock Holmes. It's clear how deeply they've understood him from the original canon. Pretends to be dismissive and closed off but actually cares about everyone way too much.

I also liked Mycroft in this movie, even if he didn't have much screen time.

About Ilse von Hofmannsthal - I loved her. Seriously, this is how you write female characters, modern writers! People say ASIB is a direct adaptation of TPLOSH, which is true, but I'd prefer TPLOSH over that episode any day, and one of the reasons is the way the female lead has been written in the former. Not exactly a fan of how Moffat wrote her in his adaptation. He did her dirty, I'd say.

Characters like Ilse make me think that the writing team of this movie knew what feminism is. I can't say the same for the modern Holmes adaptation that has been heavily inspired by TPLOSH.

I loved the plot of this movie too. The case in itself was also pretty interesting and kept me hooked throughout. Even if it wasn't exactly resolved finally, and the ending was melancholic.

I wasn't expecting the movie to be this good. Which is why it took me so long to sit down and watch it.

I only have one complaint about this movie - Watson's characterisation.

I mean, Watson wasn't half as bad as I'd expected (I thought he was going to be horrible, based on the snippets of the movie I'd seen before), but still. I like how he doesn't fall into the bumbling idiot stereotype. As far as the casework is concerned, Watson is also quite competent and observant in his own right. He can handle the medical work too.

I've got problems with his heteronormativity, and the fact that when it comes to deducing what lies in Holmes' heart, he's dumb as bricks. It's annoying. Like, it's one thing if he doesn't feel the same way about Holmes, but he doesn't have to be so weird and homophobic about it. Also, I think Holmes should've told him about the truth related to Ilse and the 'mechanical monster'. I've had enough of 'keeping Watson in the dark for his own good', damn it! He should be more in the knowledge.

Watson's character was the only element in the movie that didn't receive justice from the writer. As a Watson-centric fan, I need this to stop happening in future Holmes adaptations. People should see more from his POV too, and stop to actually see where he's coming from, and properly understand his character in the next show/movie/whatever they make.

What I gathered from the movie about the characters and their interpersonal relationships-

Holmes is in love with Watson but doesn't admit it... for valid reasons this time. (side eyes at Watson's homophobia).

Watson is deeply attached to Holmes but sees him as a close friend. I wish he felt the same way about Holmes in this movie, but alas! Though if he doesn't feel that way about Holmes, why the hell does he seem so jealous of Ilse in Acts II and III? This is beyond me.

I think what they've tried to show is that Watson is too close-minded to confront his possibly repressed feelings for Holmes, deep within his heart? Maybe. It could very well be my wishful thinking lol.

But as far as Holmes' feelings for Watson are concerned, it's not even wishful thinking. It's just... right there. I wish the subtext about Holmes' pining were spelled out. I know why it couldn't (the Doyle estate was being a pain in the ass at that time), but still. It's quite clear what they wanted to write as far as Holmes' emotional side was concerned, but they dropped it from the scripts after Act I and decided to focus on the case instead.

Holmes is dismissive of 'Gabrielle' at first, but he becomes sympathetic for her after some time. He reaches out to help her with her situation, and as the plot moves forward, he grows affectionate for Gabrielle/Ilse, which is why he doesn't hold a grudge against her when he realises he's been outsmarted by this woman (even though his ego was mildly hurt for a while).

The way they maintained a balance between the plot and the characters is commendable. I love seeing well-written women in fiction and this movie showed me that.

I was surprised to see how good this movie turned out to be, as compared to my preconceived opinions. The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes has officially become my comfort movie now. Miles ahead of BBC Sherlock, in my opinion.

Thanks to my discussions with @jamielovesjam in a previous post about this movie lol. I wouldn't have wanted to watch the movie if not for the long talk I had with them. Also tagging @gaypiningshit and @helloliriels for further discussion.

End of my unnecessarily long rambling.

[fairycosmos]

Oh boy, things are extremely rough atm. Can you recommend any healthy coping mechanisms? I literally don’t know a single one that works for me except for self destruction and being on my phone until I don’t feel anything anymore. And apparently that’s not what we’re supposed to do when we’re sad

ok so unfortunately all of my healthy coping mechanisms only half work for me and it's a total gamble whether or not they're going to on any given day. and none of them ever cure my mental illness which is annoying. like they're not fail-proof solutions and a lot of the time they're simply frustrating in fact it often feels laughable to even try them. a walk is not going to make any of this better. but consistency DOES strengthen your coping skills like a weak muscle. like even after 3 days of practicing them i'm like Ok well i feel like shit but i survived without hurting myself and that was the whole point. not a cure but a tool. ok i'm just going to list them because otherwise, i will ramble forever. btw it's ok to do like, even half of one of these per day. there's no need to overwhelm yourself at all :) coping is coping.

meditation - it sounds and feels like bullshit but i follow this youtube called great meditation and they upload 10 min guided meditation sessions and they have truly gotten me through a lot of low moments at this point. sometimes i feel much better after and sometimes i barely notice a difference but the point is i've sat and breathed for a bit

journaling - i thought i needed some sort of mental health diary for this but then i just opened a google doc and followed these mental health journal prompts ( just one every other day, nothing overwhelming, and no pressure to write a lot or to write anything in particular) and it helped me organise my thoughts and notice the patterns i was/am locking myself into. there's also trauma processing prompts online if that is what you're after.

free writing - again just opening a word doc but this time you just write without thinking literally letting go and putting down whatever words your fingers type - no judgement no curation no performance no expectations.

submerging my face in cold water, holding ice cubs - good for grounding.

crying my eyes out, purposefully listening to sad songs or watching sad movies in order to do so - cleansing, painful, tires you out and can make you feel renewed briefly.

breathwork - again there's some great youtube vids for this. i do this 20 min nervous system reset somewhat often, but there's shorter ones that are also very effective. box breathing also helps if you just need a simple go to - breathe in for 4, hold for 4, our for 4.

lie down on a hard surface or the floor with your back straight - another grounding thing. to occupy your mind during this you can name 5 things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one you can taste.

pat your arms, legs, stomach, head, chest gently and breathe deeply - again it can be grounding.

watch trail cam vids of cute animals, use the wikipedia page generator to read up on smth you've never really thought about before, download duolingo and start learning a language. not to become fluent just to get your mind out of the place it's in, even for 5 minutes.

literally just move around especially outside - HATEEE to say it but stretching on your bedroom floor, going for a walk, following an exercise video etc - it can really help you feel a bit less stale and myopic. if it's too much, opening a window is a good start. or simply standing outside your house for 2 minutes and going back in. the air will feel good.

make sure all your bases are covered - have you eaten, have you slept, have you showered, have you talked to someone in the last few days, are you hydrated? if not, make a small move towards doing one of those things. feeling like crap physically only compounds how crap you feel mentally and so the cycle perpetuates.

scream, punch/throw pillows, snap pencils, stab at paper with pens.

affirmations - i'm trying to build a list of ones that resonate with me specifically because a lot of them don't LOL. but there's a lot of good resources online for this. one of my favorite current ones is: doing a little is better than doing nothing. a job half done is better than a job not done at all.

do something creative - it's not about being an artistic genius it's about doing something tangible with your hands and getting out of your head and using the space in your brain to focus on something that doesn't feel doomed. drawing, singing, cooking, playing an instrument, writing, whatever you want. you don't have to have done it before. you can just do it.

talk to someone you trust/care about, let them in even a tiny bit. it's ok to verbalise these things. give them a fair chance to be there for you the way you'd want to be there for them. i know it's hard, all of this is, but it's not impossible. also, look for any communal resources you can find - support groups, local therapists who may offer sliding scale prices that are affordable. it all sucks but it's something.

will add more when/if any come to mind. i'm sorry you're feeling like this and i sincerely hope it all becomes a bit lighter for you soon. sending so much love. x

[thegreatyin]

What actually is fallen london? Is it a live service game of some kind? It sounds like you discuss frequent updates to it, but I haven't been able to pick up on what the gameplay actually is.

it's a text-based browser game! it's kind of live service in that it gets pretty frequent updates with new content and features, but with the exception of a few exclusive stories and rewards it's entirely free and everything outside of a handful of storylines can also be played entirely solo if needs be. if you've ever played some of those old text adventure games with little-to-no graphics and a choice-based narrative, it's pretty loosely like that. think zork, but a lot less free-form and a lot more queer.

it's pretty grindy at a lot of times and certainly isn't for everyone, but i picked it up back in september and (as you can probably tell) i've been having a ton of fun with it. there's a lot of in-depth lore and worldbuilding and the way it's designed makes it really easy to pick-up-and-play as a "15 mins per day" sort of game, or a "check back every few hours and work to accomplish x thing for a few minutes and then repeat" sort of game if you're insane like i am. you're not meant to speedrun it, is what i'm saying. it's about ✨ the journey ✨ moreso than the destination (though the destination can be cool too)

also, it's just generally pretty funny. lots of classical british witticisms with a healthy dose of horror thrown in for spice. and, as i said, it's very very queer.

i highly recommend you go check it out! they revamped the new-player experience recently, and there's a new major chunk of story coming out in april for mid-to-late game people like myself to dive into (that's the "who gave my scoundrel a license to fly" i was talking about earlier). there's never been a better time, so-to-speak, so come on down to the neath! it's fun and free and there are absolutely no horrors or possibly impending doom within the next 50ish years to speak of everything is just fine and dandy and normal down here yup

[jmdbjk]

Bangtan Weekly Report: Festa Week

I am Army for about 3 years but loved them all 10 years...

saw someone say something similar the other day and its so true.

Millions of dollars spent on this almost month-long Festa and all for free to us. The 30 minutes of fireworks alone were estimated at $5 million USD. Now do you understand why those big sponsors were so important?

It is estimated that 400,000 attended the one day event that included Namjoon's presentation and the fireworks finale with about 120,000 being foreigners and 2000 being security manning the event. Perspective: Lollapalooza has an attendance of up to 100,000 per day. This 10th Anniversary Festa was ONE DAY.

400,000 ... almost half a million people on one day ... let that sink in.

View of the fireworks from around the other side of the river:

Drone view:

Fireworks began with Mikrokosmos, one of my favorites and right away I'm having trouble holding back the tears. Ever since YTC Busan, Butterfly has become one of those songs that makes me overly emotional but I found myself getting emotional even when hearing Fire, Dynamite and Take Two playing with the fireworks coordinated to the beat.

Watch 8-hour coverage of the day from JBTC News (gives a good idea of the number of people attending during the day-long event.)

Watch the entire fireworks show on Weverse. It begins with a message from Yoongi.

A translation of Jungkook's narration during the fireworks.

During Namjoon's event, the members called in. 32 minutes in Jungkook calls in from Los Angeles and apparently, Joon didn't realize it was JK EVEN AFTER HE SANG A FEW LINES OF TAKE TWO... JOON????? About 39 minutes in, Tae calls in and about 58 minutes into it, we hear Jimin conducting an Army quiz. I hope they add English subtitles soon.

More on Take Two:

I was asked what I thought "Take Two" meant in the context of the song lyrics...

...We been walkin' so many ways I feel like my heart will explode Can't you see the take two? Stories unfolding just for you youth with you hold my hand now ... When I got you by my side along the road we walked together Oh, we young forever ... Since we're together, I'm not afraid to wish for eternity ... I hold you in my arms Can't you see the take two? Letters I didn't send to you .... Oh, we young forever It was possible because I was with you

If I had to sum it up in one idea I would say they trust us to hold their youth within us. To remember their ten years so far. We are entrusted to keep that with us.

Because they are leaping off one by one into the thing that will supposedly change them in ways they don't even know yet. And they want these last ten years of their lives to be safe in us because this was a very special time of their lives.

I mean, who in this world can say they spent the youth of their teens and 20s as BTS, the group that never stopped running forward for almost ten years and rose to be a global phenomenon?

Only seven people in the world can say it: Kim Namjoon, Kim Seokjin, Min Yoongi, Jung Hoseok, Park Jimin, Kim Taehyung and Jeon Jungkook.

Who else is going to remember their youth for them? Us, they only have us: Army.

A K-media article wrote about Take Two and specifically about Jimin's vocals, and besides describing Jimin as being the pillar of BTS songs, he went on saying this:

"In addition, Jimin showed a wide range of vocals, from soft mid-bass to high-pitched parts, and maximized the charm of the song with a unique and angelic voice praised by numerous vocal experts, giving a gift of ecstasy like an aurora."

Aurora... that is a PERFECT description of the sounds that come out of Jimin's throat when he sings.

I have maintained since the first time I listened to the song that Jimin's presence is heard throughout the song. Here is the Jimin focus cam.

About Song leaks:

There have been a lot of so-called "leaks" being passed around of Jungkook's songs. These could just be clips of discarded songs, discarded guides for group songs or even AI... who knows. Songs get written and progress gets made on them and then they end up not using them at all.

If the leaks are legit songs about to be on an album, I'm not sure how someone can continue to leak them and get away with it. I think the same has happened to songs that are supposed to be Tae's work. Leaks like this make an artist's work vulnerable to plagiarism and copyright theft.

Speaking of discarded songs... I've seen a lot of people talking about the number of songs that get included on albums and also why old songs get released years after they are written and produced.

I'm not a music industry expert but its a well-known thing that an artist is typically continually writing and recording music. Out of all the songs they produce, an artist will choose the ones that fit the theme/tone/vibe of an album/collection to release together. Many songs never make it. But that doesn't mean they aren't good songs, they just aren't what the artist wants at that moment in time.

So much music and lyrics are timeless so it doesn't matter when a song is written, if it resonates, it is relevant. I would bet Jimin had several songs he could have put on Face but they just weren't exactly what he wanted to say, or the vibe wasn't what he was aiming for now. He might save them for later.

And people saying Take Two was written a few years ago but is only now being released means it is one of those songs that still resonates with where BTS is today.

This is my opinion: I also want to say something about the argument that Jimin was denied all the MV's he wanted for Face... we know he's working on new music... we know they have a tight timeframe because of enlistment. It takes time and money to produce music videos, especially to the high caliber that BTS music videos are produced.

I think Jimin knew he was going to do more music before the end of this year. He knew logistically there was no time to produce the kind of MV's that are expected for other Face songs.

"But Yoongi got an MV for every song..." Yoongi's album D-Day and its subsequent concert tour are huge undertakings, comes 3 years after D-2 and this will be it for him. He will have to enlist. He does not have time to produce another album and do promotions for it before enlistment. He blew his wad on D-Day.

We will get more from Jimin before the end of the year and before he chooses to enlist.

I digressed... back to Festa...

About the book:

"After taking their first step into the world on June 13, 2013, BTS will celebrate the 10th anniversary of their debut in June 2023. They have risen to the peak as an iconic global artist and during this meaningful time, they look back on their footsteps in the first official book. In doing so, BTS nurtures the power to build brighter days and they choose to take another step on a road that no one has gone before. BTS shares personal, behind-the-scenes stories of their journey so far through interviews and more than three years of in-depth coverage by Myeongseok Kang, who has written about K-pop and other Korean pop culture in various media. Presented chronologically in seven chapters from before the debut of BTS to the present, their vivid voices and opinions harmonize to tell a sincere, lively, and deep story. In individual interviews that have been conducted without a camera or makeup, they illuminate their musical journey from multiple angles and discuss its significance. In addition, portrait photos that show BTS as individuals and artists open the book, and throughout there are concept photos, tracklists of all previous albums, and over 330 QR codes. As digital artists, BTS has been communicating with the world through the internet and this book allows readers to immediately access trailers, music videos, and more online to have a rich understanding of all the key moments in BTS history. Complete with a timeline of all major milestones, BEYOND THE STORY is a remarkable archive―truly everything about BTS in one volume."

The HYBE mural:

This artist did a fantastic job on this hand painted mural. He used cans of spray-paint. Amazing.

(video credit)

It's been a very emotional few weeks with so much content given to us.

From BangBangCon and 5th Muster to Take Two to Jimin's performance of Letter, the dance practice videos, Suchwita with Jin, seeing all of Seoul lit up in purple, all the photos, all of the positive media coverage in Korea, Tae's jazz performance, it's been a whirlwind of gifts for us. I've never experienced anything like it before.

And thinking about this year's Festa, with all the members coming and going and scattered across the globe, doing their own thing, Joon's comment that next year, Jin-hyung will have to fill the space implies everyone else will be enlisted before next June. I am really looking forward to having Jin back with us.

Anyway... APOBANGPO!

[zuzsenpai]

personal post

I met a friend for lunch yesterday who I hadn't seen in maybe 7 or 8 years. We've known each other for almost 30 years at this point, but for the last decade our conversations have largely been through birthday and Christmas texts. I went to school with her from kindergarten through eighth grade, our families were close, and she was a really good friend. But we had very few things in common as we became teenagers and eventually adults. She was a cheerleader and very classically "boy crazy", while I was a HUGE fandom nerd who was too awkward and nervous to even think about dating (still am, lets be real). She eventually became a very stereotypical "sorority girl" and I became a uhhhh bigger fandom nerd. But she always appreciated me as a friend because she claimed I was the "least fake and most genuine" person in her life. I was a bridesmaid in her wedding back in 2014, and since then she moved 90 mins away while I stayed in our home town. She became a social worker for a veterans hospital and I became a video editor/animator for a health care network. Our parents have stayed friends and see each other a lot more than we do tbh, and like I said, we became "2-3 texts per year friends". None of this background info is super relevant to what I'm about to say, but whatever. I said it anyway.

So yesterday we spent about 3 hours catching up. It was nice to see her, but a bit difficult. Because everything she caught me up on was one negative thing after another, one medical issue or work stressor or aging parent issue after another. She bombarded me with details on how every week at work is worse than the next. That she can barely handle the stress. That work stress is what's caused her to fail to get pregnant for the 5 years she's been trying, and now she's at the age where a pregnancy would be geriatric. That she can't do IVF because she has a severe anesthesia phobia. That her parents are dying and her husband's parents are dying and every vacation she tries to go on gets screwed up somehow. Even the tiniest little thing like "oh let me see a picture of your cat", turned into complaining about the cat's medical problems. I know life can be VERY shitty, especially for millennials, but what she said really got to me.

I absorbed the negative vibes and responded with complaints about my life/medical issues/work/relationships/parents as well. And soon I came to the realization that there's nothing good going on in my life either. Or at least nothing she would understand. Things like "I'm replaying a game I love because I want to write fanfic" or "I'm slowly pulling together a new cosplay".... those are things that I would consider positive in my life, but they felt like they weren't worth mentioning. But you know... maybe I should have mentioned them. Because she probably went home thinking the same thing about me-- that I'm a negative person and my life is shit.

During our entire 3 hour conversation, neither of us laughed once, and that really struck me. I spiraled a bit after I went home. It made me realize I need to be more positive, because I really don't want to lose the friends I talk to and see more regularly. Obviously I can't ignore the shitty things going on in my life, but I think it's important for me to say to myself that I'm doing alright sometimes. That something made me happy or something in the future will make me happy. I can't turn into my mom who, whenever she talks to any friend or relative in her life, only talks about her medical problems or other people's medical problems.

I had a rough year, not gonna lie. I broke up with my boyfriend. Then I had the most severe mental health crisis of my life. Then I had a breast cancer scare and lumpectomy. Then Zuko got sick and I started to have burnout/depression spiral/massive uptick in anxiety. Then work got too difficult to handle. Meanwhile I've been struggling with constant exhaustion, increased body image issues, loneliness, bad social anxiety, and the process of re-evaluating my life with the "I probably have autism" lens.

But I can't let this year define me. I can't let negativity and shitty situations define me. I can't have someone I care about think about me and say to themselves "wow she is depressing and all I know about her is that her life sucks." Because at this point? All that old childhood friend and I know about each other is that our lives suck. Literally nothing else.

I need to be more positive. Seriously.

[butterflydm]

Getting Mat to Falme - some possible paths

This is going to have spoilers for pretty much all the information that we have for s2, as far as I'm aware of it, at least, plus also book spoilers through book 4: The Shadow Rising. I also used @markantonys's post (here) where she pulled together all the various photos & teasers that we've gotten as reference too, because it looks pretty solid to me, plus added some thoughts based on her post here as well.

Because Mat is the big person of mystery -- we know he gets to Falme but how and with who? -- I kinda wanted to lay out the four main potential paths that I see for him and assess my own feelings on their likelihood.

I feel like there are two main branching paths of possibility:

Mat never escapes the White Tower.

Mat does escape (or is released from) the White Tower.

So, where the first path would take us is Mat being brought along with Liandrin, Elayne, Egwene, Nynaeve, and possibly Min. The main factor in favor of this possibility is that Mat is still wearing his Two River clothes in the picture we have that looks like it's from Falme (the background matches one of the Perrin & Aviendha photos).

But that's really the only thing that leans me towards this branch of possibilities -- I feel like that leaves Mat a lot of time where he's just not really doing anything. I do feel like Mat needs to spend some significant time in captivity though, for two reasons: a. it will mirror Egwene being in captivity at the end of the season; b. the show has shown itself to care a lot about setting up Mat's later choices to make sense in context of his characterization, so I think they will make sure to give a solid foundation to his personal fear/wariness towards Aes Sedai and to making it stronger than Rand's or especially Perrin's.

I think we are more likely to go with option 2, where he will get released from the White Tower, much as he does in The Dragon Reborn, either by Siuan Sanche or by the Wondergirls.

Path two gives us some more options about where Mat could go. Specifically, whether he gets to Falme by himself or if he joins up with either Perrin or Rand.

(a.) If Mat is going to Falme on his own, there are a few potential companions that he could have going with him from the White Tower: Verin or Min (since we know that Thom isn't in s2, at least per his actor), or maybe one or both of Elayne's brothers.

I think Verin is less likely -- I suspect we'll spend time with her in Perrin's plotline (maybe Rand's, but Rand doesn't need 'an Aes Sedai' in Cairhien if he already has Moiraine and only having Moiraine and not having an Aes Sedai who has access to saidar means that Rand would be the one that Moiraine would need to lean on for any channeling, like say for a Portal Stone to Toman Head; and if Verin and Perrin spend time in S2 getting to know each other, then she could simply go along with him to the Two Rivers in S3), though we may briefly meet her in episode one, before she leaves and then reappears in Perrin's plotline.

Min is a distinct possibility if Mat is going off on his own, though. She is likely to be in Tar Valon when the season opens (based on two factors: it's her hometown and her aunt was cast for the second season, and the most likely place for Min to have scenes with her aunt is in her hometown). Min and Mat having a road trip together would also be helpful for the future, since it would give them some time to bond.

The problem with Mat going off with Gawyn is that... Gawyn actually getting involved in all the various ta'veren shenanigans would make him going back to Tar Valon to work underneath Elaida feel kinda weird (unless the split up after Falme ends up being more "a bunch of people go back to the White Tower and then split up again from there", so Elayne, Gawyn, Egwene, & Min all go to the Tower with Verin (who takes the Horn back with her?), and Elayne & Egwene get raised to Accepted in S3, then get sent off again... but then how/when does Egwene ends up in the Waste?).

Mat going with Galad might make more sense because -- well, the Whitecloaks are in Falme directly fighting against the Seanchan. It's literally going to be their Best Look Ever and Galad could join up with them without looking like the worst brother ever, because they actually are trying to help at that point in time.

Going with both of the brothers together potentially solves the "Gawyn knows too much if he goes to Falme" issue -- if Mat runs into the Whitecloaks, he and Galad could get tugged along into heading in their direction towards Falme (maybe even with Mat being a semi-prisoner again, if he's recognized by any of the Whitecloaks as being part of the group from the Two Rivers that was traveling with Moiraine?) while Gawyn takes off on his own at that point (ending up back at the White Tower, while Galad eventually ends up joining the Whitecloaks after the Battle of Falme?).

Now, where would Mat be going on his own?

Straight to Falme seems possible: if Min or Mat overhears/finds out that Liandrin took Egwene, Nynaeve, & Elayne away for sinister purposes, then Siuan could ask them to go to Falme on her behalf; and both Gawyn and Galad would have reasons to want to go after Elayne to try to help her.

Mat could also do the "letter to Morgase" plot and go to Caemlyn, though I feel like it's... unlikely that they would cast Morgase & Co this early on. But it's a possibility, and it would mean that Mat could overhear a plot that would send him in the direction of Falme.

(b.) Mat might join up with Perrin and his group. I have to admit... this does seem fairly unlikely to me, because from the photos and teasers that have been released, it looks like Perrin is going to be running into the Seanchan in episode 4 (5 by the latest, as Loial is already a prisoner and hanging out with Suroth in the episode 5 picture). It just doesn't seem like the pacing would work out for Mat to be captured, held by Liandrin, get set loose (maybe by Siuan), and then find his way to Perrin by episode 4.

(c.) Okay, confession: this last one is definitely my favorite possibility. But I feel like it has some solid backing! It is, of course, the one where Mat goes with Rand to Falme.

Here's how this one would work (I'm also making some guesses at where those leaked episode titles might fall and what they refer to):

2x1 - A Taste of Solitude (confirmed title for ep 1): Mat is captured by the Red Ajah in Tar Valon and secretly held captive. We know he has at least one scene with Liandrin, so I'm gonna place it here. Egwene & Nynaeve arrive at the White Tower; Rand is off wandering on his own; Moiraine and Lan are either doing research or on the hunt for Rand. Mat focused episode in Tar Valon, so that the audience can settle in with "new Mat" right away.

2x2 - Eyes Without Pity (Wolfbrother eyes): Perrin hunting the Horn meeting Elyas, maybe with a quick reminder that Mat is locked up & all other plotlines, etc. This might also be when Rand meets 'Selene', after he's had a taste of solitude in the previous episode. Perrin focused episode.

2x3 - What Might Be (Accepted testing): Probably when Nynaeve is raised as Accepted; maybe Elayne discovers that a man (Mat) is being held prisoner in the dungeons of the White Tower (the lantern image) and tells Siuan, who brings him up to the healing quarters and chastises the Red Ajah (stirring them up even more against her?). Rand arrives in Cairhien? Maybe Perrin & co entering the Ways to chase after the Horn & dagger towards Falme? Nynaeve-focused episode, with some Elayne & Egwene.

2x4 - Daughter of the Night (Lanfear): It looks like this is when Moiraine, Lan, & Rand meet up, Foregate goes up in flames, and Rand probably begins his training, both with politics (Moiraine) and the sword (Lan); I'm guessing that Rand will learn Selene's identity here. This may also be when Perrin & co encounter the Seanchan, when Perrin meets Aviendha, and when Loial gets captured. Rand, Moiraine, & Lan focused episode, with Perrin as the main subplot.

2x5 - Strangers and Friends (Seanchan and Darkfriends): We know that we're going to get some looks at Suroth & Ishamael, and we might learn about the Dark One's plans. This may also be the episode when Liandrin tricks the girls into leaving Tar Valon and Mat finds out about her plans (like he originally overheard Gaebril in TDR) and tells Siuan Sanche, maybe because he doesn't have anywhere else to turn. She sends him to Cairhien with a message for Moiraine (I'm assuming that Moiraine has let Siuan know that she's in Cairhien via a coded message of some kind). Potentially the episode when Egwene gets collared (at the end?).

2x6 - Damane (Egwene in captivity): Mat travels towards Cairhien, either alone or with Min (as per the reasoning in path a), potentially meeting Aludra along the way and getting some fireworks, as she would have been exiled back in episode four when the chapterhouse went up in flames. Another possibility here is that Siuan takes Mat to Cairhien herself; thus giving us a Moiraine & Siuan reunion in the next episode. Focused on Egwene in Falme (maybe also Nynaeve & co run into Perrin & co and they team up?).

2x7: Mat arrives in Cairhien and tells Siuan's message to Moiraine and we may get emotional fallout of Moiraine sending the Red Ajah after Mat from both Rand and from Lan, who does pull away from Moiraine in the books and this would give the viewers a solid reason why he might begin to do that. Moiraine realizes that the only way to get to Falme quickly is to use the Portal Stones, but Rand will have to channel to use them, because Moiraine is still shielded and/or stilled (but my guess is shielded). Focused on Moraine, Rand, Mat, Lan in Cairhien (and maybe Min, if she went along in Mat's plotline instead of going along in Egwene's). I don't have a guess about the episode title for this one, as we only got six potential titles leaked. Siuan would head back to the White Tower at this time, if she's the way that Mat got to Cairhien.

2x8: Moiraine, Lan, Mat, and Rand arrive in Falme and the fireworks go off for everyone, big finale. We don't have a spoiled title that feels like it fits this episode but I've seen people speculate that it'll be "The Grave Is No Bar To My Call" and that makes sense.

(actually, if the show doesn't go in this direction, I might end up writing it as an AU after the season airs, lol)

[laurenkmyers]

i'm heading to thailand in a few weeks and it's my first time so i was wondering if you have any tips for a first time traveller? i also want to try and see some of the bl actors - how did you manage to see so many? help?

First of all can I just say how incredibly envious I am you're going to Thailand soon. I'd give literally everything I have to be back there. I hope you have the best time. Because it was a fucking dream holiday for me.

I do have a few basic tips for you:

1.) Download the Grab app (Thailand's version of Uber). Trust me when I say it's going to be your best fucking friend. @bestillmyslashyheart and I had every intention of using public transport when we were there but the Grab app was so fucking cheap and it was generally the easiest/quickest option to get to all our intended destinations.

If you're a solo traveller I recommend the Grab Bikes, they're your best option for beating the truly HORRENDOUS Bangkok traffic at peak times and they barely cost more than 150 baht for journeys no longer than an hour (if you're from the UK that's about £3.50 per journey- truly wild)

Also, another note on travel, if its raining or between the hours of 3pm-8pm and grab tells you it will be a 40 minute journey, double it, Bangkok traffic is no fucking joke. Gridlock city centre.

You should also download the BKK app if you do plan to use public transport.

2.) Always carry cash on you. Most places in the city take credit/debit cards but there is usually a fee and having cash if you're in the more rural areas of Thailand is a must. We learnt that the hard way.

3.) Learn basic thai phrases. I made a list before we went and they came in so handy. If you want my list feel free to ask but here is a few we used a lot. Sawadee ka/krub (polite hello) Kop khun ka/krub (polite thank you) Kor tord ka/krub (polite sorry) Hong naam? (bathroom?) If you can't handle spice, like my white ass, you might want to learn the phrase for "no chilli" which is: Mai Sai Preek or "not spicy" which is: Mai Ped

4.) 7-Eleven will be your saving grace. There is a 7-Eleven on every fucking street. No word of a lie. They're everywhere. And they're so fucking cheap. You need a quick snack to keep you going before lunch? Go to 7-Eleven. 10/10 recommend their toasties. Also a great place to stock up on water. 6 baht (13p) for their branded water. Also, if you're a BL fan they have a lot of the BL branded items from the shows in there. It's where I found the Kinnporsche sex bread, the kp helicopter bj nose inhaler, the between us green tea drink, the bad buddy seaweed snack etc.

5.) If you're planning to visit the temples you need to be super respectful of their culture. The main thing to be aware of is wearing the appropriate clothing. It's really important to be respectful and cover yourself when you're visiting these sacred places. Also most temples you have to take your shoes off before you enter, so I suggest wearing easily slip on/off shoes for your temple days. My crocs were a godsend.

6. Icon Siam is a very fucking overwhelming place. If you don't do well in crowds or you struggle to navigate, I'd say avoid Icon Siam. It's Bangkok's biggest and busiest mall for a fucking reason. And trying to get a pick up from any of the malls is a literal nightmare. The smaller but no less impressive malls I recommend are Siam Paragon and Central World (only 5 mins walk from each other).

7.) If you go during rainy season (which you are) always have an umbrella or poncho to hand and wear weather appropriate shoes. because let me tell you when that rain hits, it hits hard and it hits fast, and those streets are flooded within minutes.

I think that's all for the basics. But I can go into more depth if you have any specific questions. My dms are always open.

For the BL specific events, you should absolutely be following all of the big production companies on either insta (where I got most of my info from), facebook, or twitter. Most of them post the artists schedules a week or two in advance so keep your eyes peeled for those updates and check your availablity- lots of the events happen in the malls.

I would also personally recommend getting to the event a few hours beforehand to scope out the best area to place yourself. The main trick is to follow the obvious fanclubs. They're always posting about where they are and always have light up signs of the actors name on them. And if people are sitting in groups by barriers, that is where you need to place yourself. Most of the events are very well organised and will have barriers already in place fo the best views.

Don't be afraid to ask. Some of the fans won't speak English, but a large majority do. There's no harm in asking if you're in the right place.

And also on that note, if you see girls running in one particular direction- follow them. They're usually headed to the event you're headed to and they know the way better than you do. It'll save so much time and you'll end up with a much better spot.

I think that's everything! Hope this helps! Let me know, and please come back and share your experiences! I'd love to hear all about it!!

[thechestnutworkshop]

soup and sandwich | seafood potato chowder & herb focaccia

I'm not much of a person for soup as a standalone meal, but it goes without saying that the interplay between soup and sandwich turns it to nothing short of divine—in both the contrasts in texture and taste. Well, a focaccia isn't a sandwich, but with its oily rich chewiness paired with the creamy, briny heartiness of the chowder, you won't find yourself missing it.

I think I first had this sort of pairing back when souplantation was still in business, and it quickly became my go-to when I went there with my family as a kid. Now I generally prefer my chowders to be on the lighter side with just enough roux and cream to add a little body to the soup, choosing to highlighting the briny herbiness of the soup instead—though, I do use a looser hand on the herbs, cream, and bacon when it's wintertime to make the soup a bit more stick-to-the-ribs (it also gives the soup a rather cozy cottage-like look, don't you think?).

It's very delicious and hearty, and a perfect holiday lunch to warm yourself up, so please do give it a try.

seafood potato chowder for 3-4 servings

2 tbsp (30g) cultured butter (double for thicker) 1 1/2 (12g) tbsp flour (double for thicker)

5 sprigs of thyme, whole 1/2 of a celery stalk, minced finely 1 shallot, minced finely 5 garlic cloves, minced finely 1 fresh turkish bay leaf

1/2 (230g) pound of shrimp 3/4 lb (340g) of salmon or red snapper, cubed into bite-size pieces 3/4 lb (340g) baby yellow potatoes, cubed into bite-size pieces

1/3 pt (160ml) heavy cream 16 fl oz (240 ml) clam stock

1/4 lb (100g) slab smoked bacon, cut into small cubes

1 medium-thick slice of brioche, cut into small cubes like the bacon and well-toasted in butter (though if serving with focaccia, you don't need it)

chives, minced finely coarsely cracked black pepper and a squeeze of lemon

saute aromatics with butter until tender. add flour and make a veloute with the clam stock. add thyme, bay, and potatoes, and simmer until the potatoes are just tender, around 10-15 minutes. add salmon and cream, and poach the fish very gently until just shy of cooked, 3-5 minutes. add shrimp and poach for a minute or 2 more until cooked. finish the soup with cooked cubed bacon, crunchy brioche croutons, a smattering of chives, a squeeze of lemon, and very coarsely crushed black pepper.

nutrition (rough approx.): ~1630 kcal, 118g protein (408 - 543 kcal / 29.5 - 39g per serving)

-

herb focaccia for 10 × 15 pan

500g flour 80% hydration (400ml water) 1.8% salinity (9g salt) .25 oz fresh yeast / 3g dry yeast

2 tbsp + generous amount of extra virgin olive oil generous handful of equal parts fresh rosemary and thyme, finely minced

maldon salt garlic slivers (optional)

proof yeast in 100-110F water first if needed. then, mix flour and salt into the yeast mixture and mix until a dough just begins to form. rest for 20 min.

perform 3 sets of stretches + folds (each consisting of a three-fold in one direction as you would when laminating croissant dough, then another three-fold in the perpendicular direction), each spaced 20 minutes apart. after the last set, lather the dough with 2 tbsp of olive oil and let it rest for another 20 min.

place dough onto a 10 × 15 sheet pan (or 9 × 13 for a thicker focaccia) generously lathered with olive oil and stretch it to fill. rest the dough overnight in the refrigerator, and proof for 2 hours before ready to bake.

generously drizzle olive oil over the top and dimple the dough, forming oily pockets. scatter with herbs generously and maldon salt. add slivers of fresh garlic inside the crevices of the dimples if desired, and add a bit more oil for good measure.

500F, with another tray preheating inside. start checking at around 20 minutes for a deep golden brown with a few blisters.

It's also fantastic to make a panini with; I especially love it with a basil aioli and thinly shaved porchetta rovagnati.

cozy holidays from los angeles! 🎄

[athena5898]

Okay speaking as someone who is from ass no where in the middle of farm country. We still need public transportation.

here i'm going to say it again in case someone didn't hear me

WE STILL NEED PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION!!!!!! It takes me 16 FUCKING HOURS to get back where I grew up. and the cheapest thing is to drive a hybrid to get there. Now Plane tickets are now getting to the point of being the same fucking price as fuel. And god forbid you are a dumb ass who only has a big giant truck they pretend is a work truck. (all hat no cattle types, they are the ones bitching about public transit cause they have fucking money and it doesn't matter to them) then yeah the plane ticket is probably going to be cheaper. In SW OK, I should be able to drive 1 hour to a city and get on a fucking bus or train. at LEAST. Do you know what you do reader if you don't have a car or if you can't drive living in a rural town with a graduating population of 32? Do you know what you do? JACK NOTHING THAT' WHAT. I knew a fucking kid in the foster program who walked a 15+ min car ride to school once cause he had no other way to get there. I kid you the fuck not. And yes, I put it in car time, cause that's what you measure things out there and I honestly dont' remember anything else. Like if we lived in a society worth a fucking damn, there would be buses at LEAST that went around. I don't care if it was a god damn old school bus at this point. We need anything out there that would help. We all need public transportation. We all fucking need it. Yes the first few posts were dumb asses. Yes we need farmers (though our farming is shit and we do not grow with the land, I could spend hours alone ranting about WV trying to force fucking cows in the goddamn mountains, but that's a different rant and not the focus here) But we still need public transportation. The cities that do exist need to be walkable. If anything cause the people who live there, supplying things to the farmers, can move about and live in a nice fucking town instead of a parking lot that gets hotter and hotter each passing year cause we destroyed all the god damn trees. Like, if needed put up some parking garages on the edge of town and shit, and let us walk around the damn town in the cool of shade please! I mean at least in OK, they probably can just park in a field like a school's football game anyway.

They use cars to trap the poor in these areas, and it's fucking disgusting. (the heat in this isn't directed at anyone up top per say, I'm just so fucking tired of people thinking that public transit wouldn't be useful in the rural. The problem is it wouldn't be *profitable* cause that's how we think of our public services and it needs to fucking stop)

The other thread on this was started by chuds so I'm gonna reboot it myself: it's really sad that people don't understand the Midwest is where food gets grown and we're supposed to grow a lot more of it.

Suggesting people just move to the cities is astonishingly clueless and would only make the situation worse. Some Americans have truly no idea what it's like out there, tiny communities separated by hour long drives if you even have transport, millions of people really are just abandoned and left behind by what we consider progress and have no way out.

[howly]

hey I'm also trying to body recomp! i'd love to hear about your eating habits and protein intake bc that's what i struggle the most with

hi! i'm so sorry for the super late reply - i typed it out a couple months ago, saved in my drafts to add more stuff later, then lowkey forgot about it and have barely been on tumblr since lol.

anyways. back on the topic:

for real. tracking and trying to reach your daily protein goal after not caring about your macros all your life is toughhhh.

re: my general eating habits - i used to not be a breakfast person, and i've always done cardio and bodyweight exercises in the morning on an empty stomach, but the other month i got nauseous within the first 30 minutes of my first lifting session so i had to get into the habit of eating breakfast whether i want it or not. i find that quick carbs with minimal protein, about 100-200 kcal, 30-60 mins before training work the best for me (e.g. a slice of bread with some type of spread on top, oatmeal, a banana with pb)

the rest of my meals are just a constant calculation of "how can i make this more protein-packed" and still barely managing to hit my goal (100 g/day) while trying to stay in my calorie deficit lol.

what helps me most with my protein intake:

a casein shake before bed

pastirma is quite popular in my country - it's similar to jerky i would say? and i never realized how protein-rich it is! it contains 200 kcal and 35-40 grams per 100g so i'm chomping on it daily like a dog.

i make myself shredded chicken ahead of time and just get it out of the fridge and snack on it while i watch youtube or tv. i only put salt and pepper on mine but you can always add more spices to make it more exciting

i love crunchy snacks so pork rind chips has been A GODSEND. it's calorie-dense but it scratches my crunchy food itch just right and still bumps my protein intake up a little

adding liquid egg whites to my omelettes to save up on calories (e.g. combining 1 egg + 70-100g egg whites)

get that dairy (... well, unless you're lactose-intolerant). lidl, at least in europe, offer a few different types of dairy products that are high in protein (such as skyr, creamy quark, string cheese, cottage cheese) and i'm trying to eat them as often as i can

also, urda cheese/curd/quark/exact-term-in-English-varies is very cheap and easy to find in the balkans, and the macros especially of the low-fat version are great - the one i have in my fridge right now includes 90 kcal and 14 g of protein per 100 g. the drawback is that the taste is not that great, but it works as a perfect substitute for feta in recipes where the cheese is meant to absorb the flavours of the other ingredients (e.g. gratins, dips, feta stuffed veggies, etc.)

honourable mentions a.k.a. ingredients that won't save your protein intake on their own but can still help when added to salads, oatmeal, smoothies, on top of ice cream etc.: nutritional yeast, hemp seed, wheat germ, flax, chia; quinoa to substitute rice; i recently had wheat berries in a restaurant and think they'd be a nice sub for both rice and oats

a different honourable mention that won't increase your protein intake... but sometimes, even with all the protein and fiber, you still find yourself hungry though you have hit your calories for the day, because you're on a deficit while your body is trying to stay at the body fat percentage it's at now and is telling you to feed it more: cacao nibs help me a lot with curbing cravings. same goes for raw veggies i don't generally like (mine are peppers and celery. no amount of dips will make me like them raw, and a few bites of them stop my cravings right away)