#I'm just!! so kfgdkhfgh so happy and so grateful

[cosmicatta]

EVERYONE READ THIS IT'S ABOUT MY BABY I'M CRYING 😭😭😭💜💜💜

I already left a half-coherent comment on ao3 so I don't want to repeat myself, but!!! I'm just so happy, giggling, kicking my feet right now. It's just so lovely and perfect, this is 100% canon in this AU now 🌸

Princess Monster

For @cosmicatta!! All credits for this AU and Monkey D. Ola go to her! (Please check out her amazing art and fics <33)

There is going to be a short lawlu extra tomorrow (hopefully, I'm gonna be AFK most of the day) because I have no self-control and I am also not sorry at all :)

Side note: happy birthday Luffy, my one and only sun! Here, have Ola's birth as your gift! I'm gonna try to throw something together for his birthday specifically but uhh who knows ahahah

PLEASE NOTE that this story contains MPREG (you're welcome to use your imagination on who's actually pregnant tho ahaha)

[ Read on AO3 | Extra | Ko-Fi ]

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Sanji wasn’t sure what he had expected when Luffy burst into the kitchen one afternoon with Law in tow. He had expected something—after all, Luffy being late for lunch was never without reason—but that ‘something’ sure as hell wasn’t what actually came out of his captain’s mouth.

“We’re having a baby!”

Dead silence settled over the kitchen as everyone present stared at Luffy with an open mouth.

“I’m sorry, who is having what?” Usopp finally asked, his voice a pitch higher than usual.

“Me and Torao. We’re having a baby,” Luffy replied matter-of-factly as he settled into a chair, grabbing for the whole chicken in the middle of the table.

Sanji automatically swatted him, “Hands off, that’s for Nami-san, Robin-chan, and Ikkaku-chan. Are you actually for real?”

“You’re mean,” Luffy whined, chewing on a slab of sea king meat unhappily, his eyes still fixated on the chicken. “But yeah? Why wouldn’t we be?”

“Because the Captain—You—You know…” Penguin tried, waving his hands around vaguely and obviously looking for words.

“My head already hurts…” Torao muttered, dropping into his designated chair next to Luffy, throwing his arm around the back on Luffy’s own chair.

“Well, considering Torao isn’t trying to murder Luffy right now, I guess it’s not just in Luffy’s head,” Zoro laughed, earning himself a glare from both Luffy and Torao—one of those way more threatening than the other—but he didn’t pay them any mind. Instead he raised his mug in a toast. “Congrats.”

That seemed to break the spell that had both of the crews in a stupor. Suddenly, everyone was cheering and congratulating their captains on the happy news, asking a million questions and already making plans for a celebration.

There was Franky crying his eyes out, Bepo hanging onto Law and rubbing his face against him, Penguin and Shachi fighting over who was going to be the godfather—as if the Straw Hats would let them hog that role all to themselves—Chopper so happy he didn’t know what to do with himself, and of course, Robin enveloping Luffy in a warm hug with a happy smile on her face.

Sanji wanted to feel jealous. He would be, very much so in fact, under any other circumstances.

However, right now…

Right now he had more pressing issues on his mind.

Exchanging a look with Nami and Usopp, all three of them nodded, a mutual understanding between them.

Sanji needed a cigarette.

—————

It was that very same night that Sanji found himself in the kitchen once more. This time, however, the atmosphere was much calmer… and also much more serious. The silence that hung over the room was almost oppressing, the unspoken tension felt by everyone present.

Sanji carefully placed a cocktail glass in front of Nami, who only muttered her thanks in a voice so quiet it was barely more than a whisper.

Usopp seemed to not even have it in himself to protest the unfair treatment or demand his own from where he was lying slumped over the table, his eyes staring off into space and fixed on an empty spot on the wall. Sanji could understand the sentiment.

With a sigh, Sanji pulled out a chair and sat down, grabbing a cigarette and lighting it, taking a long drag. He wondered… how many chances to enjoy a smoke in peace did he have left?

It was only minutes later that Usopp finally broke the silence in a completely lifeless voice, not even bothering to unglue his face from the table. “What are we gonna do?”

“Pray,” Sanji replied, watching the smoke rise to the ceiling. Really, what else was there for them?

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for them okay?” Usopp continued, gesturing with his hand as if to stress his words while still keeping his head on the table. “But can you imagine? A person, a human person who is half Luffy and half Torao? That’s not going to be a human person, it’s going to be the thing that will finally sink the Sunny.”

“Tell me about it…” Sanji mumbled. “If that baby eats as much as Luffy does? Do you have any idea what it’s like feeding one Luffy?”

“Not to mention the cost of feeding one Luffy.” Nami nodded in agreement as she rubbed the bridge of her nose; no doubt already worrying about their already strained finances.

Usopp groaned. “Even just picturing their personality is giving me a headache. We are so fucked guys.”

Suddenly, Nami slammed her glass on the table, startling both Sanji and Usopp and making both their heads turn to stare at her. She was silent for a moment longer, her eyes closed but her posture firm. It was obvious she had come to a conclusion in her mind and was about to assume command of their meeting.

Ah, Sanji loved her when she was decisive like this too…

“Listen, you two,” she said once she finally opened her eyes and gave them both a serious look. “We need to stop panicking. What is our advantage?”

“Uhm.” Usopp frowned, taken aback. “That we’re three adults against one monster of a baby?”

Nami rolled her eyes. “That we’ll be there from day one. We can be positive role models and neutralise the awful influence of their parents and their freak-genes.”

“I see. Avert the worst case scenario with positive reinforcement training,” Usopp hummed as he rubbed at his chin thoughtfully.

“Don’t talk about the kid like they’re a dog.” Sanji lit up a new cigarette before he wondered out loud, “But Nami-san, can the three of us do it? We’re up against Luffy.”

Nami heaved a deep sigh, resting her cheek against her palm as she sipped on her drink. “Well, what other choice do we have? We can’t just will the problem away and we can’t possibly… I don’t know, edit their bloodline element to not be a Luffy and Torao child.”

Sanji winced, not wanting to even think about any genetic modifications. He had had more than enough of that at three years old for the rest of his damn life. He’d rather have the kid eat twice as much as Luffy and be twice as picky as Law than anything even close to that.

(No, Sanji would never let that umeboshi fight they had on their way to Punk Hazard all those years ago go, thank you very much.)

“So, Nami… what’s the plan? Once they’re born, do we just make sure to feed them a normal person amount and teach them not to say or do creepy shit while Luffy, Torao, and Robin are right there?” Usopp asked.

Nami grubbed at her temple and sighed. “Something like that. We still have a few months, we can work on the actual plan during that time…”

“Here’s hoping,” Usopp groaned, slumping back on the table. “Man, kids are exhausting…”

Taking a drag of his cigarette, Sanji couldn’t help but agree with Usopp. He was so tired already and they only found out about it today. 

Sanji honestly dreaded the day they were born.

—————

Sanji sighed, running his hands through his hair. He wanted a cigarette but Chopper had made him promise to stop smoking. He supposed he could at least go outside for air but that would mean leaving and what if something happened while he was gone? He had to be there, he had to stay in this room with everyone so that they could help if needed. Or be there once they can meet their newest crewmember.

And no, Sanji wasn’t nervous. Not at all. He knew nothing would go wrong and everything would be fine. He was perfectly fine—

“Can you stop pacing around like you’re the goddamned father, Curly?”

“Shut the fuck up, Marimo,” Sanji snapped, baring his teeth at the man who dared call himself his boyfriend but instead was still the same asshole he was when they first met. Why did Sanji tolerate him anyway?

Zoro rolled his eyes, leaning forward to grab Sanji’s hand and pulling him closer—closer until Sanji was basically standing between the swordsman’s legs with his arms wrapped loosely around Sanji’s slowly growing stomach, his presence solid and grounding and suddenly, Sanji felt like he could breathe easier. Ah… Yes, this was why.

Sanji took a deep breath as his shoulders sagged and his whole body relaxed, focusing on the warmth of Zoro’s body against his own instead of his thoughts.

“It’s fine, Chopper’s there,” Zoro said, his voice steady and firm.

“I know. Sorry,” Sanji muttered back. All of a sudden, he felt like the idiot, getting all worked up for nothing. It wasn’t like worrying would help in any way, was it?

“Thank god, the pacing was making me nervous,” Shachi noted with laughter that sounded way too strained to be amused.

Yeah, they were all nervous weren’t they?

Sanji wished it would end already. The wait was the worst.

Suddenly, as if answering his thoughts, the lock clicked and the door to the infirmary creaked.

Everyone’s heads immediately snapped to stare as the door slowly opened, holding their breaths and not moving a muscle, their hearts beating a mile per second in their throats—at least, that was what Sanji’s heart was doing. But considering even the Marimo froze completely against him, he was sure they were all in the same boat.

It felt like hours before Chopper came into view behind the door, looking completely spent. Tears were glistening in his eyes as he looked up, his gaze taking in all the Straw Hats and Hearts that were packed into the waiting room.

Sanji gulped heavily, watching with wide eyes as Chopper started crying—at the same time as his mouth split into the widest, happiest smile Sanji had ever seen on the little reindeer.

“It—” Chopper started but then stopped as he choked on his own words. “It’s a girl. They–they’re–everyone’s doing great.”

Silence settled over the room for a moment as the information slowly sank in. But then…

“WHOO-HOO!!”

Loud cheers erupted around the room as the invisible weight they had been carrying around lifted. Sanji laughed in relief, his lips stretching into a smile. One of his hands automatically came to rest over Zoro’s arm around his stomach, squeezing lightly.

He heard Zoro huff in response, the man only hugging him closer in a wordless gesture that they both understood but neither addressed.

“Shut the fuck up!” someone finally snapped from inside the infirmary when it seemed like the cries and excitement wasn’t about to end anytime soon.

And, as if by magic, everyone went quiet, some even going so far as to slap their hands over their mouths. There were only several muttered ‘sorry, Captain’ and ‘sorry, Torao’s to be heard before the thin film of Law’s room appeared—and only a split second later, the door to the infirmary slammed shut again by itself.

“Well, I guess they really are fine…” Usopp mumbled after a moment.

“So uh. Can we meet her or?” Uni asked uncertainly.

“Who’s going to ask them though?” Penguin asked back, shooting a look at Uni, then the door, then finally at everyone else in the room.

A moment of silence passed before everyone echoed, “Bepo.”

“Why me?” the bear whined.

“Because he’s not going to kill you,” Shachi explained helpfully, which only earned him an unhappy frown from Bepo.

“Stop bullying my bear!” Law snapped from the inside of the infirmary.

“It’s fine~! Come see her!” Luffy called, completely ignoring Law.

The two crews exchanged glances, all of them hesitating to move at first but then Ikkaku sighed and got up. “Cowards,” she shot with a smirk before reaching for the door handle, opening the door and walking inside like nothing was wrong.

“Now she acts all cocky but when it was just the Captain threatening us…” Clione grumbled only to receive general hums of agreement.

But, with the spell broken, everyone slowly shuffled into the infirmary to meet the 'Pirate Princeling (gender neutral)', as Big News Morgans had dubbed her.

Was that going to be 'Pirate Princess' now?

Sanji took a deep breath, preparing himself—he wasn’t even sure what for. He didn’t fight it when Zoro grabbed his hand to pull him inside the room with everyone.

By the time they got there, a crowd was already gathered around the bed, all of them cooing and giggling as they greeted their youngest crew member, everyone pushing at each other to get the better view. It was so crowded in fact, that Sanji couldn’t see a thing.

“My, she is quite adorable,” Robin whilpered, a soft smile on her face.

“Yeah, thank god she looks nothing like the Captain,” Shachi mumbled—unfortunately for him, not quiet enough for the parents to not hear him, as proven by the swift kick he received in response, as well as Luffy’s laughter.

Nami sighed. “How the hell are you both so full of energy? I feel like I’m more exhausted than the two of you combined and I was just waiting out there, not giving birth or watching my partner do that…” she groaned as she rubbed at her face tiredly while everyone else nodded.

“Eh, it wasn’t that bad,” Luffy said with a cute little frown before he glanced at Law. “Right?”

“Yeah, we’ve had worse in a fight than this.” Law shrugged, making everyone exchange a glance.

“You’re both freaks,” Usopp decided before his tone completely changed, turning into the sweetest, most obnoxious voice Sanji had ever heard. “Little Ola, are you hearing this? Your dads are freaks. At least you are cute.”

Sanji bit back a snort. He had to wonder whatever had happened to ‘this kid will be a monster!’ which had been the only thing that Sanji had heard from the sniper in regards to the child since they were told she was on the way. Just how easy was Usopp to sell?

Because Sanji, as happy as he was for his captain and for Torao, still remembered and dreaded what she was going to grow up into. A bottomless pit who ate nothing but tuna-mayo onigiri? Did she have any idea how much work that was going to be?

No. No way Sanji was weak enough to just ignore that.

“Sanji-kun, stop hanging out in the back and come look!” Nami said, waving him over almost… excitedly.

Ah, Sanji really was left alone with his fears, wasn’t he? But he could forgive Nami at least.

“Yes, Nami-san!” he called, his lips curling into a wide smile as he skipped over to their navigator’s side.

“So whipped,” Zoro said with badly suppressed amusement.

Sanji clicked his tongue, reminding himself they were currently in the infirmary with a newborn baby, and that Chopper would cry if they started fighting. Settling to only shooting his so-called boyfriend the dirtiest glare he could manage, Sanji quickly turned his attention back to the matter at hand.

Making his way through the huddle of people, he took in the sight that was the patient’s bed. Luffy and Torao were both sitting on it as if they had just come out for tea and cookies—Luffy was sitting cross-legged on the covers, grinning like the idiot he was with his chin resting against Law’s knee where he had it pulled up. Law let him; he himself played absentmindedly with Luffy’s fingers but he also looked almost bored and ready to get up and leave, just to get some peace and quiet.

If Sanji didn’t know what they had been doing in here up until a few minutes ago, he would have thought they had just walked in on them playing cards with Chopper.

Truly freaks of nature, the both of them.

Sanji huffed, his eyes dropping to where Ikkaku was now cradling the kid in her arms.

He studied her tiny face, round and red, the shape of it so close to Luffy’s that he startled. She looked so comfortable all bundled up in her blanket, resting against the crook of Ikakku’s elbow, her tiny fist curled around Hakugan’s little finger and holding it close. She looked so fragile…

Ah.

He got it now.

And he didn’t care how much she was going to eat anymore.

“So your name is Ola?” Sanji asked as a soft smile pulled on his lips. Placing his right hand over his heart, Sanji bowed deeply. “It’s a pleasure, Princess.”