#I'm gonna be unreasonable about this for a while tbqh

[kindahoping4forever]

Luke @ Take My Hand Sydney Night 2

[obaewankenope]

Day 18 of adhd meds

I got my own bed back last night because, honestly, was NOT feeling charitable enough to people to give it away for the night.

Had some symptoms yesterday and mood fluctuations as well.

I did a bit of cleaning yesterday but I REFUSED to clean the whole house again when there are three other people in it who do NEXT TO NOTHING.

Like, lol no, fuck y'all.

I did laundry and am pleased I got so much washed. Mostly looked after myself tbqh. I was gonna get a bath yesterday which I was looking forward to to relax and de-torture my muscles.

Instead I didn't.

Because my mother wanted one first and then, at half six, decided to rearrange her whole ass bedroom instead of getting her bath which she'd said she was going up for literally at 20 past six.

And she had the audacity to refuse to let ME get a bath when she was sorting her room because "I'm getting it in a minute" [literally TWO HOURS LATER] she got a shower instead and didn't tell me.

Accepting that she wouldn't let me get a bath first, I settled down to do some dog toy surgery on the worst injured ones. I ONLY did this because I was waiting for my mother to have her bath and tell me I could go get mine.

I was facing away from everyone and everything at the table, with headphones on, focusing on the stitching (because I am not good at it).

At half eight she came down and didn't tell me. Didn't tap my shoulder. Nothing.

I didn't check my time and at half nine was done with a particularly difficult toy to stitch. I check my phone as I'm suddenly registering hunger and dizziness from not eating much.

Bear in mind, if I don't eat regularly on these meds, I get horribly sick, so I HAD to eat.

I literally asked when she had her bath and it's a "half eight but I had a shower 🙃" [upside down smiley emoji].

Like thanks. Why didn't you tell me?

And instead of at least apologising to me because I'd TOLD her that I wanted a bath before 10 and she PROMISED she wouldn't take long in the bath herself and that I would.

Instead of that.

I got

"well you were the one messing with the dog toys"

Like I'd just decided to do that instead of ending up at that because I didn't want to do anything exhausting or really time consuming while I waited for her to be done with her bath.

Like I'M the reason why I didn't get a bath last night.

And gods forbid I actually express my upset at her about it. And gods forbid I expect an APOLOGY from her for breaking the promise she made and the fucking fact that she refused to let me get a bath while she was fucking around in her room.

So yeah. Today I planned to get a bath and was like "okay, I don't like getting baths in the day so I'll game for a little while and do NO LABOUR because fuck everyone else today, they can put dishes away and hoover ffs, and then when it hits 7pm I'll go run a bath and enjoy".

Solid plan.

EXCEPT

For some fucking reason the BOILER isn't heating the water properly. Probably because some dipshit turned it on eco mode and the hot water temp right down.

So for the past almost two hours I've been in almost fucking tears of frustration with the hot water just JUST now getting hot enough for a decent enough time for me to GET THE BATH I WAS PROMISED YESTERDAY.

So, yeah. Very VERY upset today about this shit. About being made to feel like I shouldn't dare be upset at someone fucking denying me sth and then making it impossible for me to have said sth after them because they just didn't bother informing me.

And brother didn't help. Acting like I'm being unreasonable because I called him out on not cleaning kitchen sides after himself when he makes something and like "well if you don't TELL ME then I won't do it" like YOU'RE FUCKING 33 YOU JACKASS AND YOU NEED ME TO TELL YOU TO CLEAN A SIDE?? OH, OH IT'S THE ADHD RIGHT? RIIIIGHT... YEAH, THAT THING I HAVE TOO RIGHT? SURE SURE. ITS NOT JUST YOU BEING AN ASSHOLE AND ASSUMING SOMEONE ELSE WILL CLEAN IT UP FOR YOU? WOW, I GUESS I'M WEIRD FOR CLEANING UP AFTER MYSELF IF I'VE GOT ADHD TOO AND CLEAN UP WITHOUT TEN MILLION FUCKING PROMPTS AND BEGGING AND SHOUTING MATCHES TO GET YOU TO TAKE YOUR FUCKING CRUSTY ASS UNDERWEAR OUT THE WASHING MACHINE YOU AIN'T EVEN TURNED ON BUT LEFT THEM IN FOR D A Y S!!! SURE.

So, yeah.

I lost my temper and still ended up being made to feel like I'm the unreasonable cunt in the house because HOW DARE I expect other people to be doing the same as me AT ALL even tho we have the same fucking mother who taught us how to clean up after ourselves but I guess only those with tits and a cunt need to REALLY clean up right?

Gods but fuck off everyone in this fucking house.

I just want to not feel like the bastard because I'm being responsible and trying to be organised when these cockmeisters wanna live in fucking filth and then go off when they register it like its not their fault in the first place (and when they try to blame it on me instead of themselves).

Gods this bath water better be hot enough to melt my skin because I'm so angry rn I need overwhelming boiling heat to distract myself.

I'm starting a new chain for tracking the days on adhd meds because the original got very long. I also know how to do a readmore on mobile now (put in :readmore: and hit enter) so Fear Me.

.

Day 17 of adhd meds

I slept on the sofa last night and had a lot of burpies from eating late and not as well as I probably should on these meds. I also didn't take my pain meds as regularly as I should have yesterday considering how active I was. I am regretting it today.

My fingers are claws.

[rest under readmore]

My ankles were so swollen last because I changed footwear to flats from my trainers in the house after cleaning the dog poop in the garden and damn but I should have just kept the trainers on and cleaned the soles.

No cushioning for the shock impact of walking = P A I N.

Even pain meds didn't help. Had to elevate my feet and suffer until they deswelled enough to hurt less. Also pulled a muscle in my back again.

I will have the most relaxing bath today even if it kills me.

Or someone else in this house, I'm not picky.

I have some jobs to do today that I shouldn't ignore, like dishes and making some dinner for everyone, but I kinda just wanna curl up on the sofa and hibernate or game.

I want to decorate actually but don't have the paint supplies currently and also with several people in the house, I can't paint until they're asleep or out for hours because they get in the way and stress me out.

Usually I like to wake up around 6 and take my adhd meds and first round of painkillers, then go back to sleep for an hour or two so they all kick in when I get up properly and can just go. I didn't sleep well last night however and thus didn't get to do the routine I've started developing on the adhd meds.

Instead I woke around 11:30am and took my meds after that so I'm not super active yet. Unfortunately, the one side effect I hate with a passion is rearing its head now because I didn't take the meds and go back to sleep.

Burpies.

From the lactose on the adhd meds.

Damn.

I'll need to eat to reduce the burpies and pain I get from the lactose in my stomach because of lactose intolerance ffs. But that requires moving and until my pain meds kick in, that isn't happening.

So instead I burp and lament life.

I had to sleep on the sofa last night, you see, because I offered my bed to my mother. She has her own bed but its a single and she doesn't like it because of the way the bed is against the wall, so she usually sleeps on the sofa downstairs.

She actually sleeps well on said sofa which I have no idea how she does it because I spent the entire night aware of everything even with earplugs and eye mask.

So yeah, I slept downstairs and managed like two hours of actual sleep and the rest of Awkward Awareness Of The Universe As Though I'm In A Dangerous Situation And Cannot Afford Real Rest. That was due to the fact I couldn't stretch out properly on the sofa to be honest and, really, I should have slept sat up because that probably would have been comfier for me.

Oh well.

I need to sort a box of pictures out today so it can be put back upstairs out of the way. Its downstairs currently and only down here because I want to get some pictures from it of my middle sib and I growing up so we can make copies and send them to our grandfather and family that we've gotten back in touch with.

Also, there's a photo collage frame that needs pictures in it before its put up on the wall so.

Well, after the decorating is done.

Which, incidentally, this set of life on adhd meds will turn into a decorating blog because I have up to the 20th of December to decorate the lounge, dining room, kitchen, and hallway + downstairs toilet.

The decorating includes wallpapering which I've never done before and thus have to wait on others to do or show me how. Or my brothers fiancee might do it because she can wallpaper apparently.

17 days. I have seventeen days.

With fibro and adhd and all the other household jobs and working around other people and also my period which starts in 4 days.

Fuck. My. Life.

This doesn't even include the Christmas decorations that will be put up between the 20th and 24th either.

Kill me please and thank.

Or someone buy me a vacation now. For a mountain. Scotland is great right now. I'll hide there.