#I'm going to turn my mental breakdown into something funny

[tune-on-in-folks]

Vox would respond like this to his assistant.

(thanks mom.)

[talaok]

i loved the hickey fic🥵

can i request a role reversal fic?

reader marks up joel and is unashamed about it

Pairing: Joel Miller x reader

a/n: thank you love, hope you'll like this although its been so long you probably forgot about this. and if you're interested, this is the fic they were referring to

It was just you and Ellie in the kitchen this morning. You were laughing about another funny dream she had last night, this one involving Joel trying to tame a gigantic sheep so he could ride it or something, she didn't quite remember the purpose, not that it mattered.

But as you both quite literally felt on the verge of tears from the image the dream was painting in your minds, the main character of said dream, appeared in the doorway, throwing you both a dirty look as if watching two of the three people he loved the most in this entire world didn't fill his old heart with pure joy.

"It's too early to be this chipper" he grumbled, walking to you to leave a quick kiss on your cheek as he reached for the coffee pot behind you.

A gasp sounded from the other sound of the counter

"oh my god what happened to your neck?!" 

And it was then, that Joel Miller, the unafraid, stone-cold killer of a man that he was, turned red from hairline to neck.

"O-Oh fuck I-" His eyes widened, his hand going to cover your work on his neck, but it was all useless, because the second Ellie's eyes landed on the smirk plastered on your face, she knew.

"oh my god ew" she groaned, rolling her eyes, her focus going back to the eggs on her plate.

"You remember Janine, that woman I told you about?" you explained, talking to her

She laughed at that, remembering your conversation about that woman who's always flirting with Joel.

"you filled Joel's neck with hickeys because of her?"

Joel wasn't even red anymore, he was turning purple, his eyes were wider than a deer's caught in the headlights, and you suspected he hadn't taken a breath since he first entered the kitchen.

"this..." you smiled, trailing your fingers on Joel's neck "is my own little way of telling her to keep her hands off my man"

Joel choked, he literally choked on his own saliva and just then, just when he was about to have a heart attack, Tommy entered the house, his eyes immediately going to the image before him with more than a little amusement.

"What have I walked into?" he grinned, walking over to the kitchen "And why does my brother look a breath away from exploding?" he laughed, his hands gesturing to Joel.

"y/n here was giving me way too much information that I certainly didn't want to know" Ellie explained, looking at you pointedly for the last part of her sentence, making you chuckle.

"About what?" Tommy asked

"About the work of art I left on your brother's neck"

"wha-Ohhh" he breathed, smiling like a smug bastard as he understood what you were talking about "Janine tried something again I presume?" 

"You presume right" you smiled, giving Joel a little kiss on the cheek and stifling a smile at how terrified he seemed "for the last time"

"You ok baby?" you asked, stroking his cheek

His gaze was on Ellie, his mouth parted in shock.

"You still with us man?" she asked, giggling softly, making him shake his head to try and get his mind to start working again.

And then, then the words came tumbling off his tongue, filled with what sounded like pure panic

"S-since when do you know what a hickey is!?"

Everyone in the room except him laughed, but when the shock on his features persisted, and Ellie regained her composure, she answered.

"I'm not a kid Joel, I know what sex is"

Another pang to his poor heart, 

he felt all the organs inside him twist into a knot

what the fuck was happening?

Did she just say-

"sex!?" he cried, looking a second away from having a mental breakdown "I-I never said sex- H-how do you even know- I- You- You're too young- I-I"

"ok ok ok" you tried your best not to chuckle, intervening before his heart really decided to stop "How 'bout we go outside for a moment huh? Take a few deep breaths? How about that?" you murmured, soothingly drawing circles on his back 

He looked at you then, looking every bit as disheveled as he sounded 

"y-yeah" he swallowed thickly, "I-I think that's a good idea"

He looked back at Ellie for a moment to make sure this wasn't a nightmare and he didn't just make that up, before you both left the room.

And as if on cue, the second you did, Tommy and Ellie started laughing like maniacs.

"I don't think I've ever seen him so scared" Ellie laughed, as Tommy sat next to her, patting her back

"Neither have I" he chuckled, none of them saying anything before an idea came to his mind.

a hell of a funny one

"ten bucks if you tell him you know what porn is"

[tsukimefuku]

unwell ❖ nanami kento

summary: you had a terrible day, but at least, you’ve got a helping hand.

cw: soft nanami x reader, implied past higuruma x reader, reader is having a mental breakdown but in a kind of funny way, hurt and comfort, a lot of fluff, i want this man to pat my hair dry as i have a meltdown and drink wine straight from a bottle.

wc: 1.1k

notes etc.: the inspo song is in the title, unwell (matchbox twenty). i will reuse this scene in another fic with another turn of events.

❖ collection of stories: "jujutsu partners au" → masterlist

❖ hold me in your clarity ❖

As Nanami closed the door while entering your apartment holding groceries, he heard the water in the bathroom being turned on. Figuring you must be taking a shower, he calmly went in the to leave the bags over the counter and began to make his way into the bedroom to see if you had left plates or anything of the sort. However, upon walking by the bathroom, Nanami realized the door was open, stepping back immediately.

You didn't fail to notice that out of your peripheral vision.

"It's okay, I'm fully clothed," you yelled through the thundering water, while you held your second bottle of wine of the night a little outside from the water's range.

"... What?"

You sighed.

"You can come in, Kento."

He stepped inside the bathroom to witness a rather… unexpected scene. You still had the usual clothes you wore for missions on, and was barefoot inside the shower, while holding a bottle of wine. 

"Did you know the first time I encountered Hiromi, he was fully clothed inside a bathtub?" you asked Nanami, while still looking straight ahead to the wall in front of you.

He seemed slightly worried under his collected expression.

"I didn't."

"Yeah…" you ensued, taking a gulp of wine, "he had a suit on. I mean, it seemed fun, but maybe it just looked that way because he was in a bathtub. Taking a shower with your clothes on is just… sad."

He knew you enough to realize something must've happened for you to be in that state, but wondered if this would be the best moment to probe at it. 

You gave him no options, though.

"Three people died on my mission today. And another yesterday. I… I just need one win, you know? To have at least one single thing in my life that isn’t buried in deep shit."

You were clearly in the middle of an astrological hell, getting thrown around like a penny inside a washing machine. Every little damn thing in your life was going wrong ever since Higuruma left Tokyo, and you were doing your best to keep your sanity as intact as it could be.

Even if it meant trying weird shit like this.

"I see," Nanami replied, not having much to say beyond that. He knew the hardships that came with this life, and thought that maybe having a little mental breakdown taking a shower fully clothed was one of the most harmless things you could do right now.

However, it was also cold, and you would for a fact catch a cold if you kept going.

He walked towards the shower, and you wondered what exactly he was about to do. Opening it, he turned off the water, while pulling the towel from its support.

"Hey!" you protested.

"Come, you need to dry yourself," he noted, offering a hand to help you out.

With a pout, you walked outside and sat on the sink, still mindlessly holding onto your bottle.

He enveloped you in the towel he had pulled, and grabbed another nearby to pat your hair as dry as possible.

"You should avoid leaving the bathroom right now, you're drenched," he said, no chide intended.

You scoffed.

"Yeah, perhaps."

"I can get some clothes for you to change, if you'd like."

Reluctantly, you nodded.

"Later."

He acquiesced, and kept patting your hair dry.

"Nanami, how do you not go crazy with this fucking job? How are you so stable?" you inquired, taking another gulp of wine and looking at him, "I need some encouragement words."

He pondered for a moment before sighing.

"I don't have any. It's a hard and most times unrewarding work that needs to be done."

You grunted.

"Guess you're right. We just hold the string of sanity for dear life and hope it doesn't snap, right?"

He nodded softly.

"You could say that."

"What a nightmare," you replied, taking another sip, "I want to talk about something else, this is depressing me even further, let's chat."

Nanami sighed, yet again, now chiding, "you should get dry, eat something and rest."

"Oh, we can talk about anything, come on!" you encouraged, half in jest, "I'm a bottle and a half in, won't remember a thing tomorrow."

"That's even more of a reason for you to sleep. I'll leave some food for you in your fridge."

You were both silent for a little while until you began speaking again.

"Do you know what this is remembering me of? You patting my head down with a towel? That night."

"What night?" he asked.

"Our night, Kento. The one you so tenderly referred to as 'the events of' on the note you left me before leaving the next morning for a mission." 

You said tenderly in the mockiest voice he'd ever heard.

"... Oh."

Nanami's body had noticeably stiffened up, and you could swear he was slightly blushing.

"Yeah, not one of your greatest moments. I mean, the note. Not the night. The night was great. Amazing, really."

Nanami cleared his throat, feeling deeply embarrassed, to say the least.

"I apologize."

"No worries, I forgave you, remember?" you replied, chuckling softly. 'The events of last night', Jesus… "So… You already told me why you pushed me away, but did we have a shot at it?"

And he had told you how he was frightened of the losses the both of you could endure if you had in fact entered a relationship, how it reminded him of his past losses, past failures and the whole story.

But you never got to discuss the what if.

Nanami had a bated breath faltering as he opened his mouth to speak, and seemed to actually think out his answer carefully, before finally speaking up again.

"I believe so."

A deep sigh got pulled from your lungs as you put your wine bottle away.

"Yeah… me too. I loved you," you mumbled, defeated. The next part came inaudibly, and you weren't sure if you were actually saying it or thinking it.

Still do.

His hands seemed to stop patting you dry for the briefest moment before he continued to do so, completely silent. You were unsure if this had been your imagination, and if he had heard that or not.

A few moments later, he put the small towel on the sink by your side and stepped behind.

"I'll get you some clean clothes for you to change into."

"Okay," you mumbled.

As he was about to step out of the bathroom, you called out, "hey, Kento…"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

He smiled and bowed his head towards you, saying, "you're welcome," finally walking out of the bathroom.

Did I say it out loud? 

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Dirty Work 28

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as bullying, familial discord/abuse, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: You start a new gig and find one of your clients to be hard to please.

Characters: Loki

Note: lmaooooo this is my ultimate mental breakdown in fic form.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Please do not just put ‘more’. I will block you.

I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖

Mr. Laufeyson's grip on your wrist grows tighter as he drags you to the stairs. You stumble after him as he ascends, haughtily keeping a step ahead as you struggle to keep up. As you get to the top, you latch onto his arm, trying to slow him. He ignores you as the heels you still wear scuff on the floor.

"Mr. Laufeyson," you murmur.

"Be quiet," he snaps, "you are not to speak."

He marches into the bedroom and yanks you in after him. He kicks the door shut as he points you to the bed. You gulp and sit at the foot, meekly staring at the toes of the beige heels.

"I want you to listen and understand me." He begins, "look at me."

Your eyes flick up and you clench your jaw tight. 

"That is not suitable behaviour. I don't care how much you've imbibed, you are not to touch or be touched by anyone but me. That is our agreement, yes?"

You nod as your lower lip pokes out just a little.

"I really want you to hear me," he steps closer, bending to meet your eye line, "I do not tolerate disloyalty and it will not be forgiven a second time."

"Mr. Laufeyson," you croak, "I didn't... I didn't kiss her, she kissed me--"

"And you let her," he sneers, "you are not some helpless fawn. We are past that, yes? You cannot go on letting yourself be passed around like a used toy."

You recoil, pouting deeper at the pang in your chest. Isn't that what he's done? What he continues to do? To use you?

His cheek ticks and he blinks, tension releasing as the stitch between his brows eases. He stands straight, hands on his hips and sighs, "don't look at me like that."

"Like what?" You babble in a wobbly voice.

"Don't," he points at you.

"I'm not doing anything," you nearly sob.

"I will not feel sorry for you, quit it. You are the one who's done wrong."

You bat your lashes. You don't understand. You're just sitting there.

"You won't make me feel bad for your misdeeds," he turns and paces to the side, stopping as he looks back at you again, "stop."

You shake your head and look around.  You lower your chin and swing your feet over the side of the bed. You watch them bounce, feeling the springs below you. He huffs as he spins and continues his agitated cycle back and forth. You peek up at him as his lips move in silent monologue.

He's kind of silly when you think of it. So uptight and yet you've seen that other side of him. Almost desperate, like a puppy begging for a treat. You don't know why you didn't see it sooner. But now, he mopes like a dog cast outside.

You giggle. Quietly at first, and it gets louder, tickling up your throat. He stops and faces you, tilting his head curiously.

"What?" He hisses.

One last guffaw bubbles up and you cover your mouth. You shake your head and wiggle your shoulders, "nothing."

"Something must be amusing."

"Nothing," you repeat, "Mr. Laufeyson," you drop your hand, cheeks still bulbed in a barely restrained smile, "I promise, I just... I feel funny."

"Mmm, yes, wine," he tisks, "let's not venture down that road often."

You let out another snort and stop yourself. You cringe at him, showing your teeth, "sorry."

"What are you laughing at?" He narrows his eyes.

"It is only... you're so proper but... but you're not really," your lips tug at the sides as your skin burns. You shouldn't have said it aloud.

"Not proper?" He echoes and nears you again, thumbs hooking in his pants pockets, "what about me isn't proper?"

You shrug and look away. You don't say anything. It isn't one thing, really.

He hums and it deepens to a growl. Suddenly, he grabs your chin and forces your head straight. He makes you look at him as he bends, "you're not incorrect. I can be... improper."

He shoves you down to your back and you gasp. In an instant, he pushes your legs apart with his and kneels on the mattress. He leans over you as his hand firms on your throat.

"Especially," he touches the flouncy fabric around your thighs, "when you wear skirts like this."

"Mr. Laufeyson," you breathe.

He grins as his eyes sparkle like gems, "oh yes, I am feel very improper," he tugs the fabric from under his knees, "so improper, it hurts."

He slips his hand under your skirt and your thighs twitch, "it throbs and I can hardly control myself as I ache to let out all those improper thoughts." He pushes two fingers against your cotton panties and you squeak, "to unleash them upon your soft flesh," he pushes against you, prodding firm so pressure tingle in your core, "to delve..." he leans in closer, "deep inside."

"Mr..." you begin, pushing on his shoulders, "please..."

"Where was all this when she was on you, hm?" He snarls as his nose brushes yours, "I dare say, you enjoy playing the little slut."

You gasp and clasp the fabric of his shirt. He presses his lips to yours, smothering you as you squirm helplessly. His tongue invades your mouth and you nearly choke. His fingers rub your panties, building heat in your flesh. You writhe, splayed under him as he rocks his pelvis against the back of his hand.

You whimper around his tongue, trapped beneath him as you grasp at his sleeves and push on his chest. He won't budge. You close your eyes, trying to calm your nerves, trying to give in. That's what you're supposed to do so why can't you?

His hips tilts harder into his hand as he continues to tease you, the burning sensation turns tingly as a moan slips from you. You arch your back as your body tenses. You can't help but long for more as a fullness consumes you, building as he swirls his fingers faster and faster. The bed shakes with his frantic motion as his mouth slips down your cheek.

He puffs and growls against your earlobe. You whine as you bend your legs, digging the heels into the blankets without a care. The feeling is too much, unlike anything you've felt before, more than you ever inspired in your aimless explorations of yourself.

He groans and nuzzles into your neck, nipping as he grows more raucous in his tending. Simulating more as he teethes and sucks at your skin. He bites down on the muscle of your shoulder as your breath grows rampant and you moan and murmur.

He unlatches from you and rasps into your skin, "that's it, pet." His breath dampens the crook of your neck, "must I remind you who you belong to?"

You gulp and hiccup, the fluttering of your core turning to a vibrant thrum. You squeak as you feel a snap inside and you spasm as you crest the peak. You dig your fingertips into his chest as you ride the thrilling high and slowly come down, going limp as his touch relents, thought his hand lingers between your legs.

He lifts his head, his hair askew, and frames your face with his longer fingers. His nostrils flare as he hovers his lips just above yours, "you are mine, pet, don't forget again."

He nips your lower lip before consuming you in another greedy kiss. You're too dizzy, drunk, and dumb to stop him.

✨

Mr. Laufeyson leaves you as you are, legs bent over the end of the bed, dazed and staring at the ceiling. It's slightly degrading but you're too weak to move. Too stunned by what he did. By how it felt.

It's a good thing isn't it, to enjoy it too. It should be and yet, you can't help but doubt everything. Him, especially. You don't trust yourself to trust him. Once he has everything he wants, will he even care? That question stings and has you sitting up.

You fold over your lap and groan. Your head hurts.

You have no delusions. You're not special. You'll never be that. Heck, your own father doesn't even want you. Stop. It's just the alcohol getting to you.

You stand and the skirt falls straight. Your eyes droop heavily. You could fall asleep on your feet. You go to the window and peer out at the front lawn, you see the end of Ronan's truck just past the eaves. You haven't even said hello. It's Monday and you haven't even started cleaning!

You go to the door but the handle doesn't turn. You wiggle it, jiggling the door as you try to rip it out of the frame. Not again! You hit the door with your fist but think better of yelling. Mr. Laufeyson can't expect much if he's going to keep you locked up.

You back away and turn to the room. You look around. Like really take it in, every inch. You recall the first day you walked up to this place, it seemed so magical and fantastical. The first mansion you'd ever seen up close. Then the inside, even more amazing. It still is but you never really took the time to appreciate it. There was always something to distract you.

And you live here now. Kind of. For a while, at least.

Doubt swirls around you. What happens after? This won't last forever. What then? Of course, you can't stay. You'll go back and apologise to your dad, things can be what they were. Or close to. Your dad will always be your dad.

Thinking just makes your head pulse. So you try not to. You return to the window and stare out, longing to go down and smell the flowers, touch the lush leaves waving in the wind. To just pretend for a little bit that you're free.

✨

You barely remember sitting down or falling asleep. You wake on the edge of the bed, curled up facing the window as the sun sets beyond. You hug yourself in the dim light and blink away the sleep in your eyes.

There's a soft scratch from behind you. You notice the door is open and peer over your shoulder cautiously. Mr. Laufeyson sits against the headboard, his eyes pinpointed on the book in his hands. You gasp as he arches a brow.

"Um," you gurgle and roll onto your back, stiffly sitting up, "Mr. Laufeyson."

"Ah, there she is," he says dryly without looking away from the pages.

"I'm sorry, I..." 

"Yes, yes, wine in the morning does spoil the day," he muses drolly.

"I didn't mean--"

"Yes, yes, you keep saying how you don't mean anything," he closes the book and rests it on his lap, "as you didn't mean to mewl like a cat as I pet you, yes? Let's not pretend you are so innocent.”

You frown and go to turn away. In an instant he has a vice on your arm, pulling you back as his fingertips jab into you painfully. You whimper and face him again.

“I didn't say go,” he grits.

“Sorry–”

“Shh,” he puts a finger to your lips, “I don't want you to talk. You listen, that is your duty, yes?”

You nod, choked with humiliation. He lets you go and folds his hands over the book on his lap. He pushes his shoulders back and sits up straight.

“You will get up and go to the end of the bed,” he demands.

You obey without hesitation. You climb off the bed and take tiny steps around the bed, still wearing the shiny heels. You turn to face him and stare at the mattress.

“Head up. Eyes on me,” he orders, “you see, pet, we must train you as you seem to forget yourself.”

You open your mouth and quickly shut it. You stare at him, wide-eyed.

“Take that off.” You look around and he hums disapprovingly, “uh uh. Me.”

Your eyes snap back to him and you quiver. You touch the skirt, slowly balling your hands around the fabric. Your throat constricts in horror.

“You know how I feel about repeating myself,” he girds. 

You look down but quickly pop your head back up before he can reproach you. You run your hands up to blouse and toy with the hem. You shudder and lift it just a few inches, freezing as you fight to go further 

“Trust me when I say you do not want me to do it myself,” he scoffs, “don't play coy with me now.”

Your mouth draws to a tight line and you gnaw on your lower lip. You raise the fabric higher, exposing the unpadded cotton of your bra. The blouse catches on your chin before you wriggle free.

You lower it in between your hands and reluctantly let it fall to the floor before you. Your hands fidget and find the waist of the skirt. Your eyes flit to the wall and immediately back to Laufeyson as a growl crawls up his throat.

You reach back and unbutton the clasp. Your hand shakes on the zipper, tugging it down bit by bit. Mr. Laufeyson doesn't waver, his eyes fixed on you. Just on your face.

The fabric slackens and falls away from your hips. You stand in only the underwear and the heels. You teeter and step out of the shoes. You stare back at him expectantly.

“You're not done,” he slithers, his eyes clinging to yours darkly.

You blanch and let your mouth fall open. You'd never been naked in front of anyone. Ever.

Your hands go numb and move on their own. You can't deny his gaze or his tone. You reach back to unhook your bra and gulp loudly as you unbend your arms and it falls off your chest. You squeak and watch it fall.

He clears his throat and you look at him. You forgot. Your fingers trace the band on your underwear and you push your thumbs beneath. You bend little by little as you shove them down.

You feel your chest swell forward with the movement as your underwear dip to your ankles. You stand straight and kick them away. You cant help but hide yourself with your arms.

“No,” he growls.

You put your arms straight and let out a pathetic noise. His gaze clings to your far just a little longer before slowly descending. You shiver as you see the smoke in them. He lets the book fall off his lap as his eyes rove your figure.

He smirks, “see, it isn't hard to be good.”

[athenaeum-of-the-herald]

Addressing the Drama Against my Will (Old)

Note: I no longer associate myself with the people involved nor feel comfortable discussing them or the drama. This post will be deleted at my discretion.

Oh, how I'm so sick of my name coming up in call-out posts on this app it's actually so weird to me.

I don't like talking about drama on my blog because I literally just wanna talk about helpol stuff. I have ONE post talking about ONE drama about my old server on my page despite the (for some reason???) dozen of posts these people have on me. I've avoided doing so because regardless of my emotional state, I didn't feel right naming names because it didn't feel good having mine said over and over again. But at this point, I'm a bit tired of it all. So I'll respond to this once and then ask that they genuinely leave me alone and keep my name off of their blog.

Hi, I'm Lottie! I used to go by Poppy but changed my name partially due to a shift in my gender identity, but also because the name "Poppy" was tied to a lot of these posts and a not so great past. I'm the ex owner of the Acropolises, a helpol discord server. As a few people know, the Acropolises was deleted which I talked a little bit about in this post. Funny enough, I've been a bit inactive both on discord and tumblr due to the emotional stress and toll this took on me. My mental health has been discussed quite a bit between these people so I'll talk about it myself. I have diagnosed depression, ADHD, and anxiety. I've had to take frequent breaks offline due to this, and sometimes talking to people is difficult. I'm genuinely not sure what this "online breakdown" is coming from when I haven't really been...online? But that's a little weird to me. Truly, you have no reason to discuss my mental health, or even me when I haven't been in communication with ANY of you since the server was deleted. I can only imagine it's because a discord status I posted today made you a little upset. We'll get to that in a bit.

• 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐀𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐩𝐨𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐞𝐬 •

I'll admit, I was in over my head when I made The Acropolises. It grew really big really fast and I definitely wasn't prepared for what that entailed. I made an attempt to appease everyone and when it hindered the validity of the server with all growth of misinformation and cliques, it became something too deep rooted for me to handle.

The Acropolises was deleted when a close friend of mine joined the server of wingsofaphrodite. I didn't join the server myself, even though they were someone I considered like a younger siblings, because I had just come out of a spat with one of our former mutual friends altis-of-olympia (another thing I will touch on in a bit). I offered to stay out of the server to keep the peace and not make anyone uncomfortable, but out of support I recommended the server to several friends, one of which joined because of how highly I spoke of them. However, he came back to me with acreenshots of several of these "friends" of mine and a handful of my server members talking about me. Altis will claim that the screenshots were "taken out of context" but honestly, I don't know what kind of additional context I need for these.

If this isn't shit talking behind my back, I don't know what is. One of you outright said I worshipped an egregore (a priestess, mind you. Unbeknownst to them, apparently, that egregores aren't a thing in our religion). And while I knew that wasn't true, it threw me into a dizzy and nauseating state of self-doubt and hate. It took me turning to a well-known and trusted sorcerer of ancient greco-egyptian polytheism to confirm otherwise for me. THIS is why The Acropolises was deleted. I no longer felt safe in the space I created.

Now, it'll be heavily claimed that my staff team was steeped in favoritism. Which I will admit is partially true. However, that favoritism was heavily tied to Wings and Altis. As I started attempting to fix things in the server, cracks began forming in my staff team. Mainly due to me agreeing a lot with one of my admins who is also a close friend. This admin wasn't particularly liked by this group simply because they didn't agree with a lot of what they wanted and wanted to ensure that the server stayed on the path of reconstructionalist helpol. Which I agreed with. This was often seen as combative with no leeway for argument when looking back on it, it was simply them doing their job as an admin. However, I allowed (primarily) Altis to run amok in my server with little to no consequences simply I saw him as a friend and tend to have blinders on, thinking any issues can be resolved with a small discussion. This proved to not be the case.

• 𝐀𝐥𝐭𝐢𝐬 •

The night Altis and I stopped being friends came from when I felt called to do a reading about a member of my server. The reading itself initially confused me until I realized it was for Altis from King Zeus, in reference to his behavior in my server. When he asked me what behavior I had an issue with that prompted the reading, the following conversation ensued:

Altis had displayed a concerning amount of misinformation when it came to priesthood in my server, scaring several members, and when I confronted him about it, he became incredibly defensive and belittled my priestesshood. Never once did I claim King Zeus was angry at him. I actually directly said He wasn't.

It then came to my attention that several members of the server had complained about Altis and his friends to my admin, feeling belittled and snubbed by him constantly in the server to the point where many of them left or chose not to interact in the server anymore. And none of them felt comfortable coming to me as the server owner because I had allowed him to do so, and we were friends, which is completely understandable. I did nothing to fix this issue and when I did I had realized it was too late. I had allowed him on my staff team, despite the majority of them voting against it, because I felt personally responsible for their opinion of him. I had green lit many of his outburst and wanted to prove that he wasn't this egotistical know-it-all. Altis hated my staff team, yet wanted to be on it hard enough to fight for it and join it.

• 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐏𝐫𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫𝐧 •

So what has brought us here, to this post? Well, a discord status. Particularly, this one.

I made this status today when I was told by ANOTHER friend that Altis was STILL talking about me. Which is weird. We haven't spoken since the whole fiasco happened. And I find it quite silly that when I make this status, suddenly he feels the need to post about me. So let's talk about this status, and altis of olympia.

Altis, as quite a few of you may know, is now a "graduated" priest of Zeus. This is something I have a few issues with. Mainly because, Altis is about as inexperienced in priesthood as one can be. Almost dangerously so. Altis's focus on priesthood under King Zeus as an oathkeeper has completely trumped and overshadowed the basics of priesthood. A part of priesthood is practice, and putting that practice into action. While my priesthood may involve me occasionally delivering messages from the gods (I'll talk about this in a bit), it is the smallest and most mental aspect of what I do. It is the aspect I talked about most often because my server enjoyed discussing readings and divination as a whole.

However, it is maybe 2% of my work as a priestess. I perform rituals and thuein according to the ancient rites (ethically). I have learned and done cledonomancy. I have created ceremony scripts, memorized hymns, and ancient Greek magic for Hermes. I have an upcoming festival in His honor.

These are SOME of the essential aspects of modern-day priesthood, and these are things I can't imagine Altis has learned or even was aware of, considering he doesn't even know how to perform a consecration ceremony (the illustrious "graduation").

Mind you, "graduation" and "tasks" are not official terms in priesthood. They're words I used simply because I have ADHD and couldn't think of what to call them in them moment, but continued to use for the sake of consistency and also they itched my ADHD brain nicely.

Altis also has a server dedicated to priesthood, which is incredibly interesting considering he's only been in training for 3 months, not nearly long enough to claim his level of expertise. This server itself lacks cited sources and resources, which is PIVOTAL if you intend to teach others. 3 months of "experience" for training under a god you RECENTLY started worshipping, makes no sense. You simply aren't qualified.

In this, I know my own short training will be brought up. My priestess training was completed within a month. However, my circumstances were very different.

I have been researching the Theoi since middle school. It was in my late middle school and high school years that I began actively worshipping the Theoi. And I worshipped them ALL, with a favor towards Hermes because He was a particular favorite. It was during my last year of high school that I realized worshipping all of the hellenic gods equally simply wasn't viable and I decided to dedicate more time to relearning all of my bad habits as a hellenic polytheist. At this time I stopped worshipping Hermes and instead after a year of exclusively researching without worship, I decided to worship Ares, Aphrodite, and Zeus.

It was in this time that I began properly learning divination centered around the gods. I learned how to invoke the gods I worshipped and communicate with Them and did so under King Zeus's guidance. I had always been good with divination as I frequently spoke with spirits, and learning different methods of divination under the guidance of Zeus taught me a lot. When I turned 21, I took my first visit to Greece to visit His temple and dedicated my life to Him and the Theoi.

I took some time to deconstruct my Christian upbringing and fully pledged myself to hellenic polytheism. In these 6 years as a hellenic polytheist, I repeatedly visited Greece, learned from many of my Greek helpol friends, and developed a solid foundation in my religion.

All of this backstory is important to make the point that I had established my foundation as a priestess over years of research. Even as I currently mentor under a priestess, it has all been refreshers and things I had learned myself over the years. And of course I've still learned a lot, but if anything, it has just confirmed the path I was already on. My training under Lord Hermes was brief because I had already learned the path and how to navigate it.

As far as I'm aware and have seen, Altis does not have this background. While he has 9 years of learning the religion, very little of it seems to be related to priesthood until very very recently (ie the past 3 months).

My server no longer exists, and I have barely been online. There is truly no reason why these people should still be talking about me.

Altis, however, has an actively misinformed server for young and aspiring priests. So fix your own issues before you attempt to correct mine.

Never once did I use my priestesshood as a tool for power, I ACTIVELY AND CONSTANTLY stated that the title held no power and could be taken away easily. To believe otherwise would be hubris. And to say I claimed to say who was and wasn't a priest when he actively had a "priestx confirmation spread" is genuinely wild. My "bingo card" was a clear joke. And he knows it was a joke.

• 𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐍𝐨𝐰 𝐈'𝐦 𝐎𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐈𝐭 •

Truthfully, I could go on. I could talk about how much of Altis's foundation for priesthood came from me and then for mindless with his ego. I could be petty and talk about how I supported him so openly that I bought him 2 oracle decks for King Zeus. I could talk about how he can't source why priests worked under one epithet at a time or how he allegedly claims that now multiple gods are giving him "tasks."

But I won't, because honestly, I hope he reflects and grows from this. I hope he reads this and Googles some of the priest duties I listed above to learn what they are and their importance and how to perform them. And I hope he checks his ego and learns how to take criticism. I don't intend to be friends with him again, I simply want him to never mention me again. I have a LONG list of asks talking about their experiences with him that I choose not to answer because I see no reason to. I ask for the same decency. Leave me alone.

And Marie/wayfind-er too. You've made like 90% of the posts on me. I directly went to you and asked you to stop because people were harassing me and my friends in my asks and how damaging it was fo my mental health. I BEGGED you to stop posting about me.

You told me block you if I didn't like it and you won't stop.

For that, you're weird. Don't preach xenia if you're actively choosing to be a bully.

Anyways, you're all blocked, and I have no interest in discussing this further. I've said all I needed to. And if you see typos, no, you didn't. This is too long to spell check ✋️😔

Khairete, and safe travels ♡

Small addition: Altis says no one should look up to me. I agree. I'm still learning just like everyone else. Hellenic polytheism is never-ending research. I'm still a student working towards my BA im ancient religion and history and working towards becoming an archivist. I have NO credentials. I simply love to research and share what I've learned

[did-sm1-say-catfish]

tip for writing characters with ocd: make weird shit up

most often i see just typical germ phobia, which, while it can be a part of ocd, it is definitely not entirely what it is.

ocd is made up of obsessions and compulsions. The obsession is the fear, and the compulsion is something you do to keep the fear at bay. a typical example would be "i need to turn the lights on and off three times or else my entire family dies a painful death" but thats pretty tame, actually. Ocd can get off the fucking walls.

What you need to understand is that ocd is not logical. in fact, it can be a little silly. but at the end of the day, it is a conniving little bitch that wants to ruin your life.

instead of giving your character any sense of reason and logic in their ocd, try making them do crazy crap.

Oh, they need to clean their hands? yeah, a typical hand wash isnt gonna cut it. how about they need their hands covered in paint before they can wash them or else their hands arent truly clean. ("why do you have paint in your bathroom?" "uhhhhhhh")

They need to get changed? right, well they need to put on their clothes backwards, do three spins, and then reverse their clothes before they can walk through any doorways. like a magical girl! or else their cat gets herpes and dies a painful death.

They need to order food on their phone? right, first off they need to use their tv to order, and they cant use their phone until the food arrives, and only when their fingers are greasy from the food can they pick up their phone, or else their doordasher get smashed by an anvil and they will be convicted of the murder.

If youre having trouble, think about how their compulsions could come to be.

perhaps they were doing an art project where they were working with paint, and now washing their hands without paint somewhere in the mix just feels wrong.

maybe they put on their clothes backwards and then reversed them before going to the vet with their cat and being warned about the dangers of cat herpes.

maybe they ordered food from the tv as a funny bit with friends, and then watched copious amounts of roadrunner and coyote while waiting for the food to arrive.

i cant speak for everyone, but most of my compulsions are developed from just going about life, and then the ocd creeps up.

me: alright time to fill up my cup from my water dispenser on the fridge!!! me: oops i spilled a little haha ocd: wouldnt it be such an annoying compulsion if you HAD to spill it or else you couldnt drink your water? me: haha yeah that would be so annoying. good thing that isnt one of my compulsions!!! haha ocd: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) me: ... ocd: hehe me: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

another thing is that obsessions dont always have to be specific. they could be as rigid as "your best friend will slowly die of pneumonia while you are none the wiser, and then while they are on their deathbed, they will blame you" or as loose as "something bad will happen" (alternatively, even more vague!! “I get an icky feeling (emotional)”)

Most people with ocd are so anxiety ridden that they have trouble trusting themselves, their memory, and everyone and everything around them. They might be inclined to do things themselves because other people will mess it up, or double check and redo all their compulsions because "what if i made a mistake?" Ocd is an anxiety disorder, after all.

and this is just ONE type of ocd. many types of ocd are more mental, think-yourself-into-a-breakdown kind of anxiety. They are full of distrust in yourself, in your memory, and in everyone and everything. "what if i killed someone and i forgot about it?" and "what if i'm going to rape/kill/torture my loved ones?" or "what if im going to snap that baby's neck?"

Ocd can be silly and it can be grisly, but it is never fun.

so customize your characters ocd! it doesnt need to be generic store bought "germ icky" anymore. you can make them MORE miserable!!!

[vermilionsun]

I've seen everyone post their Touchstarved MCs, so I thought why not show you mine as well :)

(Aka, can you tell I'm indecisive?)

Akachi: The Unnamed

“I prefer to count my blessings.”

Pronouns: she/they

Birthday: January 16th — Firstborn; The date the priests took her in

Appearance:

Hair: wavy, mid-thigh length / later shoulder length, white

Skin: very very pale

Eye colour: Gold

Height: 174 cm / 5’7’’

Personality: Benevolent Deceiver — The Sun

Likes: Board games, drinking competitions, children, fairy lights, dressing up, perfumes and nice scents

Dislikes: bad-smelling things, being underestimated, rudeness, being unable to control themselves, the Senobium’s Abess

Fatal Flaw: Can’t seem to break free of their past

Other: 

Thinks of their little group as a found family

Isn’t as hesitant with her hand movements since they grew up unafraid of the curse disguised as a blessing

Isn’t that much into romantic stuff — sure she might fool around a bit with Leander and Kuras but they have made sure they knew beforehand

Have shamelessly commented on Leander’s abs more than once

Loves playing with the children of Lowtown

Considers becoming a teacher someday after getting rid of their curse

She has made living arrangements with Kuras opposed to staying at the Wick (later), but then again, they hang around there more often

Mourns their childhood

Has said “I swear upon my name” when mad multiple times out of habit

Had a mental breakdown once after a very bad encounter and ended up cutting her hair (cutting their hair was forbidden during their days at the temple, and at that moment they felt the need to do something to regain some sense of control over herself), until Aeron found and comforted them before anything worse could happen

Is both super open and very secretive about what they went through in the temple, depends on their mood, honestly

The moment they learned there is an Abess in the Senobium, she immediately got a very bad feeling about the place. They try to excuse it to their past experiences with the cult’s Abbot, but their feelings have never proved her wrong.

Background:

The priests found her in the wastelands surrounding the temple. Some priests argued they were born of the Allmother’s opposing deity, and wanted to sacrifice them in her name, but most were against it and thought of them as a divine gift.

She grew up as a gentle, kind child, but was denied contact with the world outside the temple. That didn’t stop her from periodically escaping to see travelling troupes.

One day, a mage arrived and went berserk the moment she saw them, telling her she had been lied to and revealing the truth of their curse, claiming they raised a child with the same exact curse. The priests escorted her out immediately but it was too late. Akachi escaped that very night.

Arrived in Eridia with the caravan

Relationships:

Kuras — liked

Finds him generally pleasant and amusing, albeit a little scary. If either ever has free time, they take each other on long walks.

Leander — close and disliked

Can see right through Leander’s charm, but plays the whole “how was I supposed to know about how the world works when I was locked away in a remote temple?” innocent card. She knows something's wrong and if they aren't proven right by the end of her stay in Eridia, they swear upon themself she’ll turn back to the temple and curse them out. Truth be told, they find Leander's desperation to get close to her funny.

Vere — close

Has to resist banging their head against the nearest surface whenever he opens his mouth, but finds it very difficult to do so. Hates herself for grinning at his stupid jokes and definitely doesn’t enjoy going shopping with him… or gossiping… or—

Ais — liked

Drinking buddies. With him, Akachi found out she’s practically immune to alcohol. One time she carefully entered the Seaspring, only for Ais to pull them out as soon as he saw her. For some reason, he seems incredibly protective over her after that.

Mhin — liked and disliked

Doesn’t mind them around. Neither seems threatened by the other, there is just this odd dynamic where they can’t figure out what they want from each other

Stats:

Strength — 1

Luck — 3

Wisdom — 3

Empathy — 4

Astuteness — 4

Flower: Snapdragon (Carnation) [True flower — date flower]

Aeron: The Hound

“If I could turn time back, I simply wouldn’t.”

Pronouns: he/him

Birthday: August 19th — Second Born; He chose the date he made his first kill

Appearance:

Hair: wavy, short, dirty blonde/brune

Skin: tan

Eye colour: Gold

Height: 182 cm / 6’0’’

Has a healed scar on his right cheek and a few faded ones on the rest of his body

Personality: Miscellaneous Harbinger — The Moon

Likes: Books, dogs, music, good company, origami, Mhin

Dislikes: Incompetence, loneliness, someone—or even worse he himself���hurting his family

Fatal Flaw: Always believes he takes the best course of action, even if he doesn’t

Other:

Is actively trying to quit smoking

The moment he had money in his hands, he went into the first bookshop he found in Lowtown and bought a book

The best shoulder to cry on & is a cuddly bear

Has earned the title “mother hen” from a few people

He fell for Mhin almost instantly

Stays at the Wick with Arioch

Aeron is the most protective of the three, watching over the other two despite being the middle child

Has become an errand boy and picks up orders for the Wick

Soft spot for that one macabre–themed bakery hidden in a corner of Lowtown

Generally tries to start fresh, avoids committing crimes anymore and hopes he can find a cure at some point

But if needed, he will punch a bitch without hesitation

Always carries a weapon with him, out of habit—usually a handy dagger

Background:

Grew up with a group of orphans in the streets of another city, which they had to eventually abandon due to the increase of Soulless.

Arrived in Eridia with his best friend, who then betrayed and stabbed him, leaving him to die in an alleyway.

Thankfully, that alleyway was the one behind the Wet Wick, and Leander found him quickly.

Relationships:

Kuras — liked

He and Kuras don’t have a particular relationship. They greet each other, maybe engage in small talk once in a while—probably about novels. Aeron’s a frequent visitor to the clinic, either for errands or tending attention to any injuries. Kuras’ also the one who encouraged Aeron to pursue a relationship with his siblings

Leander — close

Good friends. Leander saved him, got him a place to stay for free and even a job right after he was betrayed, effectively saving him from an alternative timeline of chaos and bloodshed that would have gotten him killed. Aeron came to realise that soon enough and promised to repay Leander as soon as he could… except for the drinks; those are, again, on Leander, right?

Vere — liked

Loves this bitch to death, for fuck’s shake. The banter is top tire and so is the unhinged flirting. Of course, they both eye someone else, but practice never hurt anyone, did it?

Ais — liked

The moment Aeron saw Princess, he was on his knees petting her and cooing at her, which immediately put him on Ais’ good side. He doesn’t mind pet sitting this “adorable fluffless ball of sunshine,” as he has called her. Despite all that, Ais is a bad influence for him when it comes to smoking. But, Ais is also his to–go person to help hide a body, if he ever needs it again.

Mhin — liked, developing to close

“Oh damn,” were Aeron’s first words when he saw them. Not quite a romantic at heart until that very moment. Loves to tease them, hoping to get them flustered or at least get pinned to a wall by them again. Mhin seemed to actively try to avoid him at first, then they warmed up, until they pulled away and the cycle repeated itself over and over again. But that’s fine; Aeron doesn’t mind waiting.

Stats:

Strength — 3

Luck — 2

Wisdom — 1

Selflessness — 3

Reading — 4

Flower: Sunflower (Gladiolus) [True flower — date flower]

Arioch: The Alchemist

“Isn’t life too short to be sad?”

Pronouns: they/them

Birthday: June 30th — Third Born; The date their “mother” told them they were born

Appearance:

Hair: none/bald

Skin: dark

Eye colour: Gold

Height: 165 cm / 5’2’’

Is blind in his left eye due to an experiment going wrong. The colour hasn’t changed much, but it looks more faded

Personality: Unforgiven Innocent — The Star

Likes: Dancing, bubbly potions, bad jokes, sweets, journaling, earrings, Kuras

Dislikes: silence, small spaces, lemonade, Vere

Fatal Flaw: They trust way too easily

Other: 

Sees Kuras as a father figure

and also helps him around in the clinic

Gives the best gifts

Has a snack with them at all times

Always perches in a high place whenever possible. Like, they never sit normally. Is that a bird? Is it a plane? Nope! It’s Arioch sitting on a random rooftop!

Has developed abandonment issues

Often suppresses their own emotions and thoughts, maintaining such strict self-control that it occasionally leads to overwhelming impulses to violently destroy something

Once upon a time, they accidentally left their journal unattended and a very sneaky and totally mysterious individual made quick, yet very detailed, sketches of everyone mentioned in there on Arioch’s extra sticky papers

Stays at the Wick with Aeron

Background:

The exiled mage found them abandoned in the wastelands as a baby. She decided to take them in the moment she saw them and raise them as her own

They found out their “mother” was cultivating them as a test subject through some forgotten notebooks. They couldn’t even finish reading before they bailed out of there with what little they had on them that moment.

They literally walked to Eridia, surprisingly without trouble, although they might have noticed some turfs of red hair suddenly appearing here and there as they were getting closer to the city

Ended up stumbling in the Seaspring’s temple

If they had flipped to the last pages, they would have seen her regret and abandonment of her original plans.

The mage was searching for them until the day she died, yet never found them. The closest she got was when she came across Akachi’s cult temple.

Relationships:

Kuras — close

Has grown attached to him. Not in the “I always wanted a father,” sense but in the “you make me feel comfortable enough and you take care of me and we don’t mind me being myself,” kind of sense.

Leander — liked

They find him a little pushy and overdramatic, but other than that they have no reason not to like him yet. It’s nice to let go of those damn bandages for a few moments… or hours—

Vere — disliked

Avoids him if they can. They get an uncanny feeling, like the foxian resides in every shadow they pass. Too much knowledge has hurt them in the past, so they simply don’t want to know whether they’re being hunted down like prey or they're just delusional.

Ais — liked

Definitely wants to see Princess again, but is too afraid to leave the city for now. Ais is all but encouraging them not to visit. They like to joke around with him, though Ais’ violent… solutions are stirring something in them they’d like not to name

Mhin — liked and disliked

They are each other's confront person. They will cuss each other out, then sit at the stairs behind Kuras’ clinic and feed the cats while chewing on sweets. Arioch is Mhin’s first taste of what a family would look like.

Stats:

Strength — 2

Luck — 5

Wisdom — 2

Kindness — 4

Confidence — 3

Flower: Peony (Rose) [True flower — date flower]

Timeline of events:

The triplets Akachi, Aeron and Arioch were born and left in different places (January 14th)

Aeron begins his journey to Eridia with his best friend

Arioch finds out the truth and runs away to Eridia

Akachi finds out the truth via Arioch’s “mother” and runs away to Eridia

Arioch stumbles upon the Seaspring temple

Aeron is betrayed and stabbed & Akachi’s caravan gets attacked

Leander finds Aeron and tends to his wounds, Kuras heals Akachi, Arioch stumbles upon Vere

Arioch gets a room at the Wick and stays there till nighttime

Akachi meets with Leander & then Vere, before heading for the Senobium

Akachi meets with Ais

Aeron wakes up and settles down at the bar, soon meeting with Vere and Ais

Akachi gets attacked again by the Soulless, meets with Mhin and returns to the Wick accompanied by Mhin and Kuras

At the same exact time, Aeron is drinking green booger–shots at the bar (still bandaged up), Arioch descends the stairs and Akachi enters the Wick.

They all just freeze, staring at each other

“Is that a new trend? Foreigners dressing up with bandages, looking all mysterious?” Vere breaks the moment

It takes the three a while to figure out what the actual fuck before Ais casually mentions: “You could be siblings. You kind of look alike. Not to mention…” your curse isn’t said, but heavily implied

Dynamics:

It does take them a little while—especially Aeron—to make a decision on how to move forward.

Arioch knew the moment they made the connection that they didn’t want to lose a potential bond.

As for Akachi… she’s always wanted siblings, so why not give it a shot?

All three just want to protect each other from what they went through

[harmonyrae]

MANIFESTING 2025 Memories

Because we were absolutely FERAL and manifested smex cards, I'm gonna put my ideas for cards/banners/events out there for the Infold team - who I think we can all agree, browse social media and see our collective mental breakdown on the regular.

Some kind of astronomy banner/event with a nod to astrology. They have the boys zodiac signs listed, they know the astrology girlies would eat it UP. Maybe an event exploring a planetarium and there's a booth for a zodiac analysis with special dialogue to associate with your zodiac sign & his. I want to witness Zayne being told how much of a Virgo he is while also being reminded I am also very much a Virgo. Thanks.

Summer beach event with SWIMWEAR for both the boys & MC. I know they probably won't want to give us MC in a swimwear (for many reasons), but imagine the possibilities (full coverage bikini, tankini, dress or skirt coverup, rash guard, etc) which we could buy in the chocolate shop. And then do cute lil beach photo shoots...

Speaking of chocolate shop - PUT MORE OUTFITS IN THERE CAUSE DAMN... I know there must be people drowning in chocolate if you've got everything already. Also, we grind for it for a reason, give us more thingies please & thank you.

And speaking of outfits... if we see that red shirt show up in one more memory... Listen, personally I like the outfit, the choker is cute and it suits MC, but FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY GIVE US MORE! The boys get hot fits on the regular with events, let MC have MORE!

Oh and circling back to grinding tehe can Abyssal Chaos be reset when Caleb comes home? It would be really cool and stuff... There's only so much we can do and I KNOW WE HATE TOBIAS BUT, to be so real, I think we would all deal with him if it meant free resources.

HEAR ME OUT - a spring Renaissance Fair. I can't get the image of Sylus in armor doing a jousting contest out of my head (fanfic incoming?!) and MC in a cute lil medieval hunters outfit. Give us that time travel shit again and I will give all my money. Rafayel critiquing medieval art, Zayne conflicted about using modern medicine & OOH Xavier accidentally getting drunk on strong af mead HELLO?

MC won a bet, the boys have to do something - I've seen some fanfics, I KNOW okay. Put Rafayel in a maid outfit and Infold, you will have enough money to support yourself through 5.0!

Similar to the bet concept, a prank war. Each boy would prank MC so differently so it would be a really funny group event. Like Rafayel would not hold back, he would probably end up making MC mad. Xavier would be super silly with it, old school pranks and MC would be trying to do more modern pranks. Zayne would be hesitant to prank her, but would, only because she pranks him first. And I SWEAR Sylus wouldn't pull a single prank, but the ANTICIPATION would be MCs undoing.

Since we didn't get a Halloween event, might I suggest a Friday the 13th event? First Friday the 13th is in June and methinks that is the perfect time for something SPOOKY. Monster boys. That's all I gotta say. Make em classic horror monsters - WE KNOW YOU CAN YOU MADE THEM CATS FFS - and I will slam my credit card on the table.

Specific to the Boys:

Sylus: - I wanna be on his bike again. Please, I beg, biketok is going away and this is all I'll have (dramatic). Take me on that "joyride" baby! - I want angst. I want MC to come face to face with the consequences of being so close to Sylus. Either the Association coming down on her for her associating with him OR Sylus's enemies making a HUGE MISTAKE and coming after her to get to him. - More big dick gang leader Sylus. Show me his brutal side, WE LOVE IT AND NEED TO BE REMINDED OKAY?!

Rafayel: - MC models for him. Maybe for his birthday event? His "gift" is us modeling for a painting and it turns spicy. The multitude of fanfics speak volumes to how well this would go over. - Please PLEASE give us Rafayel with a tail. Just spend the money, render that beautiful bitch and give us an H20 "oh no I got wet, ahhh my tail" moment. I beg.

Xavier: - COOKING CLASSES. I feel like it was hinted at in the prologue for the Love Tour event, but I would love to see them in a class together. Just domestic cuteness. - ANGST ON HO HO NO... Can we have an actual Sleeping Beauty moment? Xavier falls into a deep sleep thanks to a Wanderer and MC can't wake him up. Then you go all Inception on us and MC enters his dreams to wake him up. You could feed us so much lore disguised as "just a dream" or even have MC discover some truths about his past.

Zayne: - Exchange program. MC gets to experience the other side. She works with the combat medics to gain more knowledge which will help her on the field. Maybe another "hands on training" moment withe Zayne (I MISSED THAT CARD, IT'S ONLY FAIR INFOLD). - ANGST PLEASE - MC has to have surgery after a mission. Maybe it is minor, or maybe make it major and have us cry. And Zayne has to walk his fellow doctors through the procedure because his hands are shaking so badly at the thought of losing the love of his life. (crying) - Two words. Library make-out. I will give you two more. Library smex. Give our nerdy girls the fantasy, TRUST.

For Caleb, I do hope his first card is really sweet or insanely heavy. Make a statement cause people either love him or hate him and those undecided will make up their minds with that card. He didn't get blown up for nothing, give the boy a chance.

Comment below what you'd like to see Love & Deepspace do for events or add to the game! We manifest together.

Tag List (comment if you wanna be added!): @trishiepo0 @not-so-quite-human @kitsunetori @babyx91 @libriomancer @lilyadora

[bucketsofmonsters]

Okay I'm still thinking about Rook. What if after all the yelling and trading insults for him thinking he's too good to drink my blood on the first day- I start weeping about how there must truly be something wrong with me if I'm not even good enough to get eaten and if he doesn't want me to be one of his humans then I'll have nowhere to go. Can I get sympathy from his partners at least and make Peytyr and Annette mad at him and on my side in this? If I flash a triumphant glare over his beautiful partners shoulders while they comfort me and scold him will his head explode. Can everybody else bully him into not being so mean to me while he sputters that it wasn't his fault like a child being reprimanded. Can I utterly ruin his day even if I can't force him to accept my blood.

This is so funny bc as some of my lovely friends have figured out, Rook is endlessly stubborn but he has so many mischievous humans in his care that you could turn them to your side Instantly. Oliver is probably your best bet bc he loves nothing more than pissing Rook off, he stands with u on this. There is almost no one there who will comfort u but if you wanna scheme you have plenty of options. I also fear u might give him a mental breakdown if u keep this up lol, honestly you love to see it.

[o-uncle-newt]

ONE: it creates traditions

Despite not being a Christmas-celebrator myself, I'm really glad that the final episode of this show aired as a Christmas special, because it's equally timely to talk about Molokai.

I wrote extensively about Molokai last year, and my main takeaway is that it celebrates ritual in a way that's really important. And I was thinking about it, and so many of the themes that I elevated in previous posts I've done this year are related to this as well. It's important to how funny the show is, how heartwarming the show is, how good the show is for mental health... so many different things.

I recommend reading the above post for a full breakdown, but what I raised about Molokai was that it's basically about the importance of creating and/or participating in rituals and traditions, things that mark your life and add pizzazz to it. Martin, living a depressing life on his own in an attic, has no reason to like Christmas when it's just another dull day, but enjoys it when he's exposed to and participates in ritual. Arthur, it turns out, creates ritual all the time, whether invoking existing traditions re Christmas or creating rituals around things like Birling Day.

I argue, pushing that further, that CABIN PRESSURE is about creating a kind of comforting ritual, tradition, what have you. Don't get me wrong- the comedy is often sharp and creative, there's story and character development over time... but it's not so much that the shape of the show is familiar as that the expectations are. This is going to be funny, this is going to have interesting people, this is going to let those interesting people be comically nasty to each other but also let them have real relatable emotions, and at the end of the episode GERTI will fly again.

There's also the repetitive element of features like games, particular character mannerisms, etc. One of my favorite sitcoms, the 60s spy spoof Get Smart, was written with the main character, Maxwell Smart (Agent 86) given many catchphrases, and the actor who played him actively encouraged the writers to create more because having those kinds of repetitive and funny elements is a good hook and a comforting element to viewers. They ended up being some of the most iconic parts of the show, not just because the lines are funny but because of the way they're said by Max/Adams and the way the character who says them is written. Plenty of Get Smart fans can be caught saying "missed it by that much" or "sorry about that Chief" or, my favorite that I say all the time, "he should have used his powers for niceness instead of evil."

The characters of Cabin Pressure don't have catchphrases in the same way- or rather, it's limited to things like "brilliant" and "yellow car"- but it contains so many different elements that listeners can count on in an episode. If the whiskey is stolen, obviously Douglas did it and the question (which will be answered creatively) is how. If this is a situation where Douglas can save the day, he will- and if he doesn't, then there will be a satisfying reason why. People won't recognize Martin as captain- and if they do then that's a sign that something is off kilter. JF creates the boundaries of the world that we step into and then plays within and around them in incredibly innovative ways. It's such a good formula for keeping things interesting and comforting.

And here's where I go to praise JF as the creator- because he ended up taking on an interesting form of commitment to create ritual in our own lives, maybe because he saw how much we'd already done it ourselves. Thanks to the show, already as of S4 people were taking traveling lemons to different locations, playing Yellow Car by Arthurian rules... and then, he started posting a variation on Get Dressed Ye Merry Gentlemen every year, and as a decidedly non-Christmas person it's basically the only thing about the holiday that I look forward to. (Incidentally- one of the things that made me want to post about this is my curiosity what he'll do this year when he's no longer on Twitter...)

But the biggest ritual-creating thing he did, of course, is do 26 episodes of Cabin Fever. He posted the episodes on a regular schedule (and warned us in advance when he started spacing them out), he gave us games to try and puzzles to solve, and he gave us something to look forward to that would add some fun and shape to our lives in a time that could be both shapeless and stressful. I myself was still recovering from my very early bout of COVID, isolated in my room, bored and miserable and not at full breathing capacity and still only getting over the feeling that I could have potentially died, when Cabin Fever arrived and gave me something to look forward to. It created ritual, which created meaning, which was one of the most thoughtful things someone could have done for me around then.

So, a tribute to Cabin Pressure, a tribute to the wonderful John Finnemore, a tribute to the idea that we can take our own action and join with others to create ritual that gives us meaning and comfort... and a tribute to all of you who have been doing/following along with Cabin Pressure advent in various forms. This too is a form of ritual, community, and tradition that I look forward to continuing to participate in- as part of a really cool fandom.

In the meanwhile, happy tenth freaking anniversary, Merry Christmas to all the Christmas people, almost-Happy Chanukah to all the (fellow) Chanukah people, and just generally wishing a beautiful year full of things that give your life shape and meaning.

[kissorkill16]

I Didn't Have A Choice: A Hello Neighbor Fanfic

By JJ

Summary: Trinity learns the reason why Nicky was so obsessed with Mr. Peterson in the first place.

P.S., Art belongs to @ravenbrookz , this is a screenshot. This is also a continuation of @fazbearedits 's previous fanfics.

Nicky was running home from school, trying as best as he could to get away from all of the judgment stares and laughing kids.

He was having such a bad day today. He recently found out that Finch took a picture of his mental breakdown, and the principal didn't even do anything about it.

Everyone was laughing at him. But what about any of this was funny? Nicky was scared for his life, trying to warn his friends to stay away from Crowface and Mr. Peterson, but no one was listening to him. Like always.

No matter what Nicky said or did, he'd always be seen as one thing and one thing only. A brash delinquent who's obsessed with a troubled widow.

Nicky was suddenly startled out of his thoughts when he felt a hand on his shoulder, and immediately jumped back in shock. When he turned around, he saw Trinity.

"Hey.", she said. "Wait up."

Nicky's face turned to anger, and he started stomping away from her. It wasn't her using his words against him that was the problem, it was the fact that she did so little to defend him in the principal's office about the whole picture fiasco. He knew she wasn't trying to converse with him because they were friends or anything, she just wanted to know what he knew about Crowface.

"Hey! Nicky, it's me. Trinity. The girl who -"

"I know who you are.", he growled at her. "You're the girl who didn't even try to defend me when I was in a dire situation."

Trinity scoffed. "Dire? It's just a picture, Nicky. I'm sure it'll all blow over in a couple of weeks."

"And if it doesn't?"

Trinity didn't answer. She wanted to say something, but she just closed her mouth. She kept walking behind Nicky, not planning on stopping. Nicky picked up his pace and started running, turning in the direction of the back of a building. But as luck would have it, Trinity followed him there. Nicky clutched at his head and threw his hands at his hips.

"What do you want?", he asked, even though he probably already knew the answer.

"I just wanted to talk to you about what happened. Nicky, I'm worried about you. Everyone is.", Trinity replied.

"Oh are they?", Nicky asked her incredulously. "If they were really worried about me, then they would've defended me. If anyone was really worried about me, I would have at least one person on my side for fucking once in my life."

Trinity moved closer to Nicky and put a hand on his shoulder. "Nick, how about we calm down for a little bit."

"Calm down? Calm down?! Are you kidding me?! How can I be calm when I'm literally the most unlucky person alive right now?!", he snapped.

Trinity started shouting too. "Well I'm sorry, Nick. I'm sorry you're so unlucky, but some of us have bigger shit to deal with! We've all got bigger shit to deal with, and here you are being a selfish, delusional brat!"

Nicky's eyes could've turned red at that sentence. "SELFISH?! DELUSIONAL?! SURE, TRINITY, LIKE NO ONE'S EVER CALLED ME THAT BEFORE!!", he screamed. "I'm sorry if I'm selfish and delusional, but let's not forget the one who got trapped inside a psychopath's basement, for fucking weeks on end, with nobody to save him!"

"Let's not forget who thought it was a good idea to go in that house, knowing that he might possibly die!"

"Let's not forget who found me a way in!!"

"LET'S NOT FORGET WHO DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO DO THIS!! LET'S NOT FORGET WHO DRAGGED HER INTO THIS MESS BECAUSE SOME IDIOT WAS SO HUNG UP ON PROVING THAT SOME OLD GUY WAS A MURDERER!!"

Nicky took in a deep breath, and said "I just wanted someone to believe me, for someone to be on my side for once."

Trinity turned to leave. "Well congrats, Nick. You got me on your side, and now I'm dealing with another bullshit problem that's possibly worse than Mr. Peterson."

"How is your new situation my fault?"

"Because you dragged me into a rabbit hole that I can't seem to get out of now."

As Trinity was about to leave, she decided to say one last thing to her supposed friend. "You are delusional, and I was an idiot for ever helping you spy on someone to satisfy your stupid needs. I was an idiot for ever helping you get in that house -"

"I NEVER EVEN WANTED TO GO IN THAT HOUSE IN THE FIRST PLACE, BUT I DIDN'T HAVE ANY OTHER CHOICE!"

Trinity was absolutely taken aback by his outburst. "What're you talking about? What do you mean you had no other choice?"

Nicky felt tears pool in his eyes, and he reached into his backpack, and pulled out a missing poster and handed it to Trinity.

"This is Aaron and Mya Peterson. These are his children."

Trinity still didn't get it.

"Before you came to this town, I was the shiny new kid. I once lived in that house across the street from Mr. Peterson, and these two were the best people I've ever met. They immediately accepted me as their friend, welcoming me warmly into their home. I began to see them less like friends and more like siblings. Aaron was my favorite, he was my best friend. We shared so many interests together, and we pulled all kinds of elaborate pranks on people around town. We had a fairytale life,...but it all came to an end. Mrs. Peterson died in a car crash a few months after, and Mr. Peterson was beyond heartbroken. After the funeral, Aaron told me to never come back to that house, and I never understood why. I was distraught, losing the first friends I've made since I came here felt like being stabbed in the heart. A month went by before I ran into Mr. Peterson, nailing up missing posters with Aaron and Mya's faces on them. At that point, I was even more heartbroken, that I didn't come out of my house for weeks. It wasn't until I went across the street to check on Mr. Peterson that I knew something was wrong."

Trinity felt all the air drain from her lungs.

"Mr. Peterson was nailing a door shut, and from behind the door, I heard loud screaming and crying. Like someone was begging to be let out. That was the first time I snuck into his house. The air smelled awful, like a dead body. I checked everywhere around the house, and I didn't like what I saw. A butcher knife, all covered in blood, its shine covered in so much grime. Finally, when I made it to Aaron's room, I saw that the window was shattered, and on the glass was a large stain of dried blood. And under the window, I saw a note reading "I make bad things happen.", and it was at that moment where I thought that Mr. Peterson killed his kids, and he was falsifying a missing persons report to cover it up."

Trinity began biting her nails.

"I tried telling somebody. The police, my parents, the principal, anyone who ever knew Mr. Peterson, but no one believed me. Everyone thought I was the crazy one, that I was harassing an innocent man who lost his family. But I know what I saw! And they'd all have seen it too if they hadn't been so god damn blind!"

Trinity didn't want to ask, but she knew she had to, otherwise, Nicky would continue to be angry at her. "What about the basement? What'd you see in the basement?"

Nicky sat down on the ground, the tears in his eyes starting to drip out.

"It was horrifying, Trinity. This tall, shadow creature, and all I saw when I looked at it was fear. It took the form of two little girls, and begged me to play with them. When I refused, it started biting me and threatening to hurt me or kill me. So I knew if I didn't want to die, I had to play along with their stupid games.", Nicky sniffed. "I wanted to get out so bad. And when I finally did, I learned that no one had bothered to look for me. Not even my own parents, and the only time they show up is when I have a breakdown and embarrass myself and possibly them in front of the entire neighborhood."

Nicky started screaming in between sobs, feeling like he was choking. "Do you know how hard it is, Trinity? To feel like you have no other choice when your friends are possibly in danger, and there's only so much you can do to save them, and you end up failing miserably?! To learn that everyone in town was acting like it was a normal day while you were trying to survive being haunted by a demon?! To be humiliated in public for having a LITERAL mental breakdown, and having everyone laugh at you for it? No, you don't. Because you're not the one who got trapped in the basement."

After all of that rambling, Nicky took out the bag he wore over his head in the basement and put it over his head, finally breaking down and sobbing.

Trinity sat down next to him and wrapped her arms around him, softly whispering reassuring words into his ear, "I'm sorry, Nicky. I had no idea. All this time, I thought you were just an annoying and crazy kid who lived in Raven Brooks, but you were really only trying to save your friends. I'm so sorry, Nicky."

Nicky just kept sobbing into his bag.

Trinity didn't even care about Crowface anymore, or the fact that it was getting dark and her parents were probably starting to worry. All that mattered right now was making sure Nicky was okay.

[normal-thoughts-official]

i need mal to have a mental breakdown so bad it makes me look stupid

this is the part where i beg you to hear me out. listen. mal's been a bit more like himself these last few chapters but his route still feels stilted. i know you know what i'm talking about. every time there is one of those "one of the LIs reacts to you getting hurt or something of the surt" things, mal's is always the most lukewarm, if not outright cold. the passion and personality only really comes out when we kiss. and like, listen, i romance almost exclusively women and POC (usually Black or brown POC) in this app (I'm pretty sure Aerin is the only white male LI I've ever had anything with? lol), so i'm very very used to my LIs of choice having obviously had a lot less thought when their routes were written. but this is different. it feels almost intentional. and his book 1 route wasn't like this, either

and what calls my attention the most is that mal almost never smiles lately. in book 1 smiling was pretty much mal's default sprite. i think mal was smiling, like, 50% of the time he was on screen, if not more, and the other expressions had to share the rest among each other. but in book 2 we go entire chapters without mal smiling once. and if you pay attention he almost never looks angry or sad, either (he never looked sad a lot but he did look angry often enough, i know because i always laugh at his angry face. rip king ily but calm down). he is in his neutral expression sprite 90% of the fucking time. he looks neutral more often than tyril does (although tyril obviously smiles a lot more in book 2 than he did in book 1, it's noticeable. still, though, he's tyril)

and we know that mal used humor and an untouchable persona as a defense mechanism in book 1, it's been said. so it makes sense that mal was smiling all the time; i remember mal felt more real when his face turned neutral, at least to me. and mal keeps making the same jokes as before, so - why is he not smiling?

and like we know that mal is not okay. it's been shown. the self sacrificial tendencies, the overworking himself, the self doubt. it's been said in text. but i think the neutral sprite is the biggest clue here. because a lot of the time, mal is being objectively funny, but his neutral sprite makes his jokes feel flat. mal feels flat. and i think it's because he's trying to cling to his old coping mechanisms - charming, funny personality - but he doesn't have the energy to anymore, because he's changed, because he's exhausted. and he's said that he felt like he was trying to keep the group together on his own, and we know that mal, for all his damn posturing, takes his responsibilities seriously when he accepts them. he learned how to patch a roof at age 6 so wren could sleep better. he paid off her debt before he paid his. he built a fucking orphanage, for fuck's sake. when mal decides that he's gonna do something, he gives it his all, and he refuses to be stopped. he's going to the goddamn thieves guild to help MC. he's been on the run from the guild for fucking years and they never found him despite him being in whitetower. this mf is dedicated

all of that is to say: during this last year, mal wouldn't stop. he refused to stop. going to the garden every day. building the orphanage. keeping tabs on imtura (i'll never shut up about it HE KEPT TABS ON IMTURA). trying to keep the friend group together. taking care of and feeding a bunch of fucking orphans. the only way to keep yourself going with this much responsibility at once is by repressing every fucking feeling hard and not thinking about anything else. which explains the constant neutral face. mal can't feel anything, because he barricaded everything inside himself so he could keep going. the only way he can ever express himself is physically, when he kisses MC, and that's about it. and so he never quite expresses any feeling, even concern for MC, or smiling, or anything, because he's too busy not stopping, because if he stops he'll crumble

so like. for this to have any closure at all. mal has to crumble. i think he's past the point where he can talk about this healthily and avoid a major breakdown. there's too much threatening to burst, and he's too tired. i genuinely cannot see any way for this to be resolved that doesn't involve mal fucking breaking down, and finally acknowledging how much he's hurting. he's gonna have to stop and look at this, and clearly this will only happen once it comes bursting out of him

and i want it, god damn it! i want mal to fucking lose it. i want that catharsis and i want the angst and i want the drama. fuck!!!!

but if there was ever a time for mal to lose his shit, it was chapter 13. i even wrote about it at the time. i mean, he had just been talking with MC about how much he was hurting when they were gone. fixing the roof and talking about how he feels like he's dragging the group down and he's the least important one. and then MC disappeared. again. in the shadow realm. with valax. and he had no idea where they were. and... nothing. nada. "don't do that to me again 😐". so i struggle to imagine what could possibly be worse than that to trigger a breakdown. MC full on dying and ressurrecting nia style? i mean, seriously

and so i'm climbing the walls because if mal has a breakdown? then everything up to this point will have been good writing. the way every scene felt stilted, most jokes fell flat, everyone felt that distance between mal and MC, that shitass "reunion", it will all have been part of his arc and i'll love it and hold it dearly because oh yeah, i fucking love emotional repression for the sake of self sacrifice, sign me the fuck up. but if not then i don't see how any of this can be part of a coherent arc, and so it'll just have. sucked. after his route in book 1 being so good and satisfying they just, what, gave up? lost their groove the first few chapters and then regained it later but never really addressed it? i don't know, man. i really hope whatever's coming is good but i'm used to choices letting me down, so

this post doesn't have a beautiful conclusion or anything i'm just kinda anxious and frustrated. this is why i hate reading things that aren't finished. god damn it

[barbieaiden]

2. [Doorbell rings]

3. Kell: Sam. Fuck. Uh. I totally forgot you were coming. Sorry about the mess, I was going to clean.

Sam: Were you sleeping?

Kell: Yeah, but I should've probably woken up, like, 9 hours ago so it's a good thing you came.

4. Sam: I can help you clean.

Kell: Yeah, no, that's not happening, I would die from embarrassment. Sorry if it's smokey in here, I don't want to give you an asthma attack.

Sam: No, it's fine.

5. Sam: Are you okay?

Kell: Not at all.

Sam: Did something happen?

Kell: Well, I don't know if you know this, but one of my closest friends got himself into a coma?

Sam: Very funny.

Kell: Then it's been downhill from there. How is he? Aiden?

Sam: He's, um...

6. Sam: I don't know. He's acting like the whole thing was just nothing.

Kell: To be fair, he was unconscious the whole time so it was probably nothing to him. Plus, this isn't his first drug-related medical emergency, is it? You, however, were a wreck. Like a total mess.

Sam: I'm sorry, next time my fiancé is in a coma I'll think of being more presentable.

Kell: Good.

7. Kell: No seriously, pretty understandable with the situation and all. I'm glad things turned out the way they did, I'd have no one to get high with if Aiden died.

Sam: Kellan.

Kell: I'm kidding. Also, it wasn't weed that got him into a coma, Sam.

8. Kell: Seriously, though, actually seriously this time, I get it. I mean, I was a wreck too. Honestly, I don't know what I would've done if Aiden died.

9. Kell: Especially not like that. The waiting was the worst, not knowing if he'd be okay or not. I mean, I don't know about you but I had some hope he'd live, but still.

Sam: [Shakes head]

Kell: You didn't think he'd live? Like, at all?

10. Sam: ...no.

11. Kell: In other news, my date last weekend was so bad. Unimaginably bad. Easily top 3 list bad.

Sam: You have a list of your worst dates?

Kell: Well, Sam, some of us aren't super fucking lucky and randomly meet the love of our lives one day. I have to gamify it to maintain my sanity. She was really nice, though, it was my fault. I just wanted to go home the entire time.

12. Sam: Let me know if I can help.

Kell: With dating? You might be in a long-term relationship but you're not qualified.

Sam: No? You know what I meant.

Kell: Dude, you're literally the last person I'd unload my emotional baggage on right now. I'm more likely to do it to Aiden. Aiden.

Sam: Kell, you are not making me feel better.

Kell: I'm not trying to. I'm giving you a reality check.

13. Sam: I don't need a reality check, I'm well aware I've been a mess.

Kell: You literally went straight from a mental breakdown to taking care of Aiden.

Sam: Yes? He was in a coma? He's my fiancé? We live together?

Kell: Okay, now you're just making me feel lonely. You're literally third wheeling me and Aiden's not even here.

Sam: You brought it up!

Kell: Oh. Right.

14. Kell: Have you slept in the past week, by the way? Because it doesn't look like it.

Sam: I have. This is just what I look like.

Kell: It's not.

Sam: Yes, it is. You're just insulting me now.

15. Kell: My point is, you let me know if I can help you.

Sam: You could have phrased it in a nicer way.

16. Sam: Can we talk about something else? I'm getting tired of coma related conversations.

Kell: Oh, for sure. I can tell you about my worst dates list and you can laugh at me. I have it written down and everything.

Sam: What?

Kell: Yeah, with details. Do you want to see?

Sam: ...sure.

[notprincessdiaries]

Saturday, May 10, 8:35 pm

I've never been able to keep a diary or at least a consist one. It's always a New Year's resolution of mine, but then it never happens, mainly because I forget to write down stuff and it's also a lot of work to maintain one. You have to write in it everyday and the last thing I want to do after studying and doing homework all day is write in a journal about my day.

So this is where tumblr comes in. I've been reading the princess diaries (I'm currently on volume 4, my school library has most of them so I'm trying to read them before school ends on the 29th) and I want to have a diary again. However, my life is painfully boring, I am not a princess nor do I have a senior who is in love me with me. I'm a junior, rising senior, who lives in a small rural town in the middle of nowhere, Colorado.

I don't know if I'll continue to write in this, I want to and I hope I keep it up for my sake. I have too many projects (fanfics) that I get like a fourth or maybe even a third of the way in then I lose inspiration, it's like I have a idea brewing in me for like a week and then when I finally do it, the inspiration leaves me.

Anyway, if I'm going to be writing in an online diary with an audience I figured that you should know something about me.

Name: Alec

Age: 17 (well I turn 17 in 9 days)

Birthday: May 19 (Taurus! (I know nothing about astrology))

Favorite Artist: Hozier

Favorite Song (at the moment): Roslyn by Bon Iver (This changes constantly)

Favorite Movie: Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 2

Favorite TV Show: Jane the Virgin

Favorite Fandoms (at the moment): Narnia, Twilight, Maze Runner, and Princess Diaries

Book I'm currently reading: Princess Diaries Volume 4 - Princess in Waiting

Appearance:

Average Height (for a girl)

Nothing in the chest region

It all went to my hips and thighs

Really dark brown eyes, like they're basically black

Bushy eyebrows with acne between and around them

Currently rocking chipped red nails with short fingernails

Long dark brown hair that goes below my lower back and is always frizzy

Glasses that I can barely see out of because the lens are covered with scratches

Small freckles under my eyes from the time I got 2nd degree burns at the beach

And to top it all off, hair all over my body, from my arms, stomach, back, and face (I have a mustache that I have to nair off every week and crazy sideburns too)

From the appearance described above, you could probably guess that I'm not very lucky in the boy department (or girl department, but that's a location issue). As of right now I am trying to get over a crush that I had on a senior boy. In my school the seniors have an earlier last day, so they're gone and I'll never see him again. It's not like we were friends anyway, we rarely ever talked and when we did he was making fun of me, calling me a loser and weirdo.

He isn't wrong, but you don't want the guy that you have a crush on calling you those things. I thought about confessing to him, but then realized that I can't handle rejection right now and if he doesn't reject me, what do I want out of that? To be in a relationship with him? No, I actually don't want to be with him. He had nice hair, a very cute smile, and is absolutely funny (the way to my heart is a funny guy), but he's also going to college like 2ish hours away and I've done long distance before (6 states away, but that's a story for when I have a mental breakdown and write a blog post about that entire relationship).

However, no guy in the entire class of 2026 at my school is attractive and if they are, they're douchebags, like really big douchebags. So my best luck is a foreign-exchange student/new student next year or waiting until college.

That was a long yap about where I'm at currently in my life. I will write again once I have something to write about.

[marmaladedcroissant]

Inertia by AJR but it's just Darry having a mental breakdown.

I believe he fully knows he is going to die in Tulsa. He knows he's stuck there. He knows he'll never get the chance to settle down somewhere else. He knows that Pony and Soda and the rest of the gang still have their shots to throw. Soda may have dropped out, but that doesn't mean he can't opt back in. Pony has everything laid out in front of him, ready to be pieced together. "My two legs are broken, yet look at me dance." Darry had his metaphorical legs not only swept out from under him as his parents died, he had them shattered. Every hope of going somewhere else, of doing something better, gone. It left with his parents, buried right beside them in the lonely graveyard, mist nothing but tears from those still living as they mourn their dead.

Darry knows fairly well that he was born in Tulsa, he was raised in Tulsa, and he will *die* in Tulsa. He knows he'll never get out, so he gives everything he has to make sure that everyone else *can* leave, that they can settle down somewhere else, that they can do better than they are currently.

And it probably stings like hell. Seeing the people who are only a year or so, or four in Pony's case, get to do the thing you had wanted since you knew how to want something, probably tears another hole in his heart. Adds another stone to the pile forming on his shoulders.

Weighing him down a little bit more. Until that pressure, that weight, folds him like a cheap plastic chair.

And he has no one to turn to. No one to help him. Simply because he's Superman. Muscles. Everything has to be fine. People expect him to be fine.

They don't expect him to crumble from the inside out. They don't expect to cut open the apple only to find the core missing.

And when they do, they don't know how to act.

So they leave it to the next person. A person that either never shows up, never cares, or simply takes on look at him and either decides he's a lost cause or some kind of charity case.

I understand how people relate to the other characters, or simply like them because they're snarky or funny.

Some people hate Darry because he hit Pony. And I'm not going to justify what he did. It was wrong and there were 100% better ways to go about the situation.

Everyone has their breaking point.

Darry had clearly reached his.

He's only 20. He doesn't know what he's doing. He's had to give up everything already. He's rarely ever allowed to show emotion. He bottles it up.

Those bottles break. It's just a fact. They aren't bags of holding that you can continuously shove full of feelings and watch as they swirl in a void of other repressed emotions.

Those bottles chip and crack.

Those bottles break.

And either Darry sweeps them into a new bottle, or he let's them soak into the dusty, dry pavement that has crumbled beneath his feet.

And he can't do anything to fix it.

So he walks away.

He always has to come back eventually. He has to deal with it eventually. And honestly, I'm terrified of how he could deal with it.

I'm terrified of the lengths he could go to just to ensure that everyone thinks he's fine.

Because that's what's expected of him.

So that's what he does.

He hides his pain. But someone along the line has to piece him back together. And he'll never be the same as before.

He'll never smile the same.

He'll never be as energetic, as caring, as tough. Because after a while, that sandpaper wears down.

[palomahasenteredthechat]

(lol, not gonna bother asking anonymously, since I'm linking a post of mine in this)

nonny, I could kiss you on the mouth for this submission.

here's MY mental breakdown post from a couple weeks ago, pretty much talking about the same damn thing:

(man oh man, I hope the above link works--if not, then if you look in my posts archive, it's the first post for July.)

"…clearly something psychological that they just need to-, get over it, eat it, it's good."

Yeah, that specific line rubbed me the wrong way too!! (first time I heard it, I raised both middle fingers towards my PC, lol)

b/c it doesn't sound like: 'oh, it's psychological, it's a tiny mental block that you need to get past--' I--what? no, shut up. it SOUNDS like: 'it's psychological; it's all in your head; it's a stupid hang-up; get over it and just eat the good food like the rest of us 'normal,' not-crazy people.'

"just get over it, it's good," "it's a Herb, just eat it; it's fine." (stg, I wanted to grab him by the lapels and shake him, I was so damn upset at that dismissive tone.) "Just eat it," he says, as if it's just that easy; as if it's just that simple.

And I TRIED to write this off and give him the benefit of the doubt, and say that I suspected that "he hasn't come across someone neurodivergent, and that he's talking about some people who turn up their nose at a food just because it has an ingredient that they've decided that they will never eat…" Y'know? I wanted to be fair and give this stranger some grace for some reason idk I'm too soft sometimes.

At the time, when I first saw this (when this interview originally dropped, back around July 1st or 2nd), I tried venting my pain in my discord group about this, and just why it had triggered me so badly.

The response? I was gently dismissed by people who told me that he was just joking, and he's talked about not liking the texture of organ meats, so he understands that stuff, he was just being funny, ha ha, "rrrrroast you a chicken." And I was also slapped down (not really, but the comment was so written so 'directly' that it could be felt that way; which I did) by someone who said that he's also neurodivergent, since he has dyslexia. (a fact that I had NEVER heard of, up until that point; nowhere on the internet, nowhere on the discord chat history, not on what posts on here that I could see; nothing. According to someone, he's talked about this a lot, but I've still never heard him speak of it or read him talking about it. Not once.)

And NO ONE ELSE was making a big deal about this (aside from every person who piped up in the tags about how cilantro tastes like soap to them, but that was all that was said aside from a stray tag here and there about 'yeah he wouldn't like me, I'm a picky eater')--at least, nothing along the lines that you've described above.

and I felt like I was going insane.

so thank you, thank you, thank you for submitting this (and thank you Paloma for responding to them, lol), it's really comforting to know that I wasn't alone.

Thanks for sharing Nonny. I know a lot of people have issues around food for soooooo many reasons.