#I'm begging for my life here
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I think boys should have a little being called Princess. As a treat
#alexprobablytalksshit#and... I'm boys#listen I'm mostly into gender affirming stuff being transmasc and fem presenting. yknow. pretty boy. prince. boyf my boy ect#but.... there's something about if a cute guy who knew and respected my gender identity called me princess in a boy way... I'd just melt#you don't even know like. in a teasing way akin to pretty boy or just like casually dropping it in a sentence UGGHHHHHHHHH#affectionate nicknames PLEASE WHEN. PLEASE.#teasing cocky bastards with a tender affectionate side cool boots some height and one or more piercings PLEASE hmu#I'm begging for my life here#</3
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We got april fool'd so hard.
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[[ All Croissant Adventures (chronological, desktop) ]]
[[ All Croissant Adventures (app) ]]
#This was pretty accurate to my real life reaction - Larian got me good.#BUT WE'RE NOT DONE YET AND I'M BEGGING YOU TO BLOCK#ansur quest#IF YOU HAVEN'T DONE THIS YOURSELF YET AND DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT!!!!!#bg3#baldur's gate 3#bg3 spoilers#act III spoilers#croissant adventures#tav#wyll#lae'zel#gale#I know they're not really prominent here but-#ansur#comics
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And I forget sometimes I'm just flesh and bone.
As he stands in the ruined bathroom, all Rook can think is, At least now I can breathe.
#ts4#ts4 edit#the sims 4#sims 4 edit#my edits#ts4 render#my renders#blender render#oc: Rook#dnd sims#ts4 dnd#please I beg of you open this in a new tab and look it it. it's 2080px across and I spent way too long on tiny details.#(like the blood on the shards of glass on the sink. and the mirror alone took well over an hour...)#augh I love my boy so much#he's really going through it right now tho#poor bby#but when he's going through it I'm having fun playing him so...#yeah#blood tw#tw blood#so this is scheduled to go up right as we're starting our session picking up from exactly this point.#I thought that would be thematically fitting#please listen to this song it's so good and it's very Rook.#I almost put the lyrics right after this line (''I saw my reflection on the street that night / he said I got something to change your life#/ he said you don't look wrong but you don't look right'')#bc yk mirror shit. But I ended up going with this line instead because it's VERY VERY fitting for the conversations going on w/ Rook.#specifically about his reckless endangerment of himself to the point where some of his party members consider it to be self-harm.#(and obviously punching a mirror intentionally is self-harm.)#but like Rook doesn't see it that way and he's so confused as to why the party is so upset with him. (esp. his mentor and the gunslinger.)#god I could talk about this ridiculous man for hours so I'll stop here.
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All it takes is a wee little nightmare to make you too scared to step foot outside for fear of Bad Things happening, like it’s an omen lol
#also it is p o u r i n g outside and it takes me an hour and fifteen minutes to commute to campus#i'm a good little student but sometimes i just can't be assed#esp with all the crazy stuff that's been happening on public transit and on my campus for that matter#i'm just getting a bad vibe today [insert empath meme here]#warning for me complaining about a graphic nightmare!!!!:#had a few stress dreams(?) last night but one particularly violent one in which a woman got run over by a streetcar--#--and the paramedics were moving people along but i accidentally got a really good look at her and it fucked me up#she looked like she was just sleeping peacefully but i could only really make out the top half of her body#probably because the bottom half was... yeah.#i think i also had another dream that i was being hunted by a sniper?? and they had called my cell and were threatening me + my folks?#and another one where i had to hide some children from... i don't really know what. some dangerous person who wanted to kill all of us#but the kids wouldn't leave me even though i begged them to.#yeah just a normal collection of dreams for me. literally ugh.#i don't even think i'm stressed in my life rn??#not any more than normal lol
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Put your lips on my lips, I'll remember your kiss
On the nights when I miss you, uh-uh
Something I can't forget when I'm restless in bed
Yeah, you got me obsessed, hmm-hmm-mmm
#love notes#charli xcx#rina sawayama#beg for you#sometimes i get caught in my brain#my fears bubble when it's late at night#i need you here with me#am i the one you love and want for life#cause you're that one for me#if you have doubts then let me shed some light#i'm so in love with you#there's no question that it's you I've made up my mind
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the problem with a lot of f/f fic is that people will do things like tag it with the words "useless lesbians" and i will have to be like sorry i'm not reading that
#the flipside of this is fic tagged with stuff like '[lesbian characters] have custody of the only brain cell'#which also fucking sucks but in the opposite way#f/f writers i'm begging on my hands and knees can we get some lesbians with INTERESTING PROBLEMS#maybe some interpersonal conflict that isn't caused by them being uwu soft beans yearning pining did i mention they are USELESS lesbians?#they're just too gay to function!!!!!#<- always said by an author who couldn't write two characters being believably attracted to each other if their life depended on it#i'm just whining here i know there's good f/f fic out there and also i'm just being overly picky. but oh my god it's a struggle sometimes#ppl like to post about toxic yuri and i know it's really out there somewhere. i want to believe.
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Oh no, how dare someone hide their identity and fake their death in the "hide your identity and fake your death" genre.
#if it bothers you please read something other than mystery or thriller /i'm begging you/#I'm fighting for my life here#i need a salt tag at this point#salty sentinel#dcmk#detective conan
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the passenger quite literally is a "i can fix him" story
#and debatably a “i can make him worse” story#the passenger#benson the passenger#randy bradley#the passenger 2023#honestly i love that for them maybe this is why i love it so much#and why it works so well#because like i think a lot of people can relate to both sides of it#i'm over here begging for a benson to come into my life and grab me by the neck and manhandle me into being something
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working with the public or as i like to call it "baby boomer babysitter club"
#not dogs#i'm sorry but i am TIRED of handholding people 65 and older through basic tasks they've been doing my whole life#like paying their taxes BY CHECK#or voting!!!#we do a majority of our voting via mail in ballot here#but that's not something done at a federal level#and the second they can't receive it automatically in their mailbox without making a request#they're like ?????? how??? like um...we've only been voting by mail for 4 years and you're 70#all you need to do is tell me you want it mailed to you and i got u boo#like please just CALL and ask me if you have a question i'm begging#instead of circulating mass confusion and misinformation in your group of friends as if i don't post at least once a week#direct instructions for what you're looking for
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sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible
#trying to keep it together so bad because i already know the problems and solutions and whatnot but i cannot do anything#i desperately just need to do something. accomplish any task. actually several would be nice. but i cannot stand just letting life go by#while i watch other people have the things i want. or even metaphorically living my dream like. that should be me why am i settling for thi#i hate even talking about this because i feel so stupid when i know it's not even a real tangible problem and that i actually DO have real#problems to tackle and the ability to do so but i'm choosing to be upset over the stupidest things i could possibly be sad about#and i can't even be sad about it in a normal way i'm cycling through like several different reactions to smth that isn't even real#or if it is real i literally do not have tanglible evidence for it one way or another like i'm driving myself insane for no reason#i can't even get catharsis because all i'm doing is digging a deeper hole for something i never should've gone back into in the first place#because i KNOW how i am i KNOW how i react to things and i still chose to do it lmao.#and i continue to choose to go through this shit instead of actively trying to change my life because... i'm lazy? and stupid? idk#negative self-talk isn't gonna get me to do anything either so let's just say i'm feeling particularly unmotivated like usual#i hated being a teenager but i really do miss when all my problems just amounted to 'someone was mean to me on tumblr today :(' or i failed#a test in chemistry or something. like i yearn for that simplicity becasue at this point all i'm doing is ruining my own life LMAO#i'm too scared to live i'm too scared to die so i just sit here and fantasize that life could be amazing if i wait#and i'll magically get everything i've ever wanted if i just wait long enough. and i know it isn't true and i still wait for it to happen.#because honestly like. i think deep down i am just convinced i will fail at anything i do when that shouldn't be what scares me.#what scares me should be never even allowing myself to fail because i never tried to do anything at all with myself or my life#like. wake the fuck up. get off your ass and put in the effort. learn some skills. gain independence and stability and discipline and do it#just live please i'm begging you just live so i can be happy don't i deserve to be happy... why am i not letting myself be happy#i'm literally keeping myself trapped in this negative feedback loop ON PURPOSE because teehee shiny toy#and it doesn't matter if the love is real it doesn't matter how i feel like i'm just using it as a distraction i can't say it's motivation#because it's barely motivated me at all. i have to start being realistic. 25 & just realizing you actually have to participate in your life#anyways. i've cried i've agonized i've pictured killing myself in 30 different ways. i think the only way i'm gonna feel better is#to just actually try this time without giving up. wish me luck
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tagged by the gorgeous and fabulous @cordiallyfuturedwight and @aprylynn for february's roundup:
tagging the usual music favs: @jiminsproof @thvinyl @jimin-gaon @visionsofgideontheninth @spicyclematis @kimchokejin @jihopesjoint @monismochi plus @kimtaegis for the amy macdonald of it all 💜 and also you, dear reader. MWAH
#heads up! here comes the director's commentary:#16 Carriages - now listen. i love texas hold 'em as much as the next daddy lessons supremacist#but holy shit. it doesn't hold so much as a candle to this track.#just unbelievably stunning. i'm begging you to give it another chance if you skipped over it the first time#Don't Forget Me - me and kayla and apryl all having ms rogers in this month's list... i think we might be better than everyone else actuall#End Of Beginning - good GOD we couldn't gatekeep djo any longer but it's worth it if only for all the bear tiktok edits.#and thus i have fallen for this track all over again. yes CHEF#Showtime - now if you've known me long enough you'll know i'm an absolute sucker for british indie rock bands#especially if their frontman looks like they might not make it through another winter#so you can imagine catfish has had an inexplicable hold on me. anyway their comeback single is actually pretty good#This Is The Life - fantastic tune. 2007 if you can believe it?#what a time to be alive and at the school disco and you're singing the songs and thinking this is the life and so on and so forth#Loving You Will Be The Death Of Me - tom odell can do no wrong in my eyes (ears?) anyway. lovely lovely new album#Never Need Me - been loving rachel for a while now and this single is brilliant. highly recommended.#plus the video features florence pugh and if that doesn't sweeten the deal then christ i don't know what will#Baby Now That I've Found You - i didn't even realise this was a cover of the foundations until hearing it again recently#because alison krauss just has an incredible way of making them her own and thus it's been on repeat.#Deeper Well - okay so now i'm seeing the country thread through this month's picks.#this is another lovely new one. hearing it on the radio and the fact that they have to censor “i used to wake and bake” is hilarious to me#shoutout kayla again because great minds..#Stay For Something - CMAT is phenomenal and if you haven't listened to her yet i can't recommend her entire discography enough.#she had her arsecrack out at the brits last night and well. i would die for her#(speaking of the brits. raye... i literally cried for her. go find the recording of her live at the royal albert hall.#-watch it twice and then come back and thank me)#artists-wise - most of these guys are consistently up there.#katie melua is a new feature this time because all my amy macdonald-ing put me back onto nine million bicycles.#used to get that one mixed up with 99 luftballoons but they're really very different. i'm a fool#so tl;dr: fantastic tunes. do listen#tag#receiptify
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Just saw this comment on a story posted a month ago.
*cries in Eddie Munson Solo Series no one wanted to read, interact with or request for*
No shade to the person that commented this on their own fic if you recognize it. It's not their fault. I'm not mad at them. More crying in the tags.
#and no I didn't tag the solo series like I normally would because it's not about THAT. It's not about trying to get people to read it#It was just really ouchie to see the same concept I wrote 2 years ago get triple the notes in ONE MONTH.#and double the notes of my solo series masterlist in general in one month vs 2 years of my stories sitting there rotting#Then I see people saying they need more solo Eddie and I'm just here like my dudes I begged for requests. BEGGED. But bc I wasn't#/have never been a popular writer people don't want it from ME. It's like omg we want THIS but not like that. Not from you.#Can't help but let it get you down when nothing has changed in 2 years. It's not like I worked my way up and have the interaction now#that every other blog I used to commiserate with back in the day is getting currently. Fandom isn't a competition but it's not fair either#and I really struggle with that a lot of the time#Also yes I will concede I should be happy with the notes on the solo series because they are the highest of all the work on my page but#they're still nothing compared to what some people have just hours after posting a new story.#I saw someone complaining the other day that there are less new stories in the fandom than ever 1. That's simply not true. 2. Even if it wa#can you blame writers for giving up when readers are checking the same popular blogs over again or reading the same 5 tropes the same#2 pairings over and over. The same series? Over and over. Ignoring everything else and then complaining that their faves don't post enough?#That the popular writer with the incredible series (that rightfully deserves interaction) hasn't posted a new dad!eddie or rockstar!eddie#drabble in ages meanwhile there are writes out there pouring their souls into dad!eddie and no one reads it. There is so much rockstar Eddi#smut out there that it could sustain a brand new reader for an entire year before they needed a new fic#Idk man. I'm just feeling so defeated. I write for fun now. But there was a point in time where I desperately tried to build a platform by#offering requests and writing a lot of things I would not otherwise write to try and gain traction on my page and every time I see another#food fucking fic get hundreds of notes I get so sad that I wrote that stupid Melon fic because I had people in my life that told me#they would be excited to read it and for what? One of them still talks to me. The others moved on so fast. Most didn't even reblog it.#Some of them have since written their own food fucking fics that got triple the notes of my OG. Again. No shade to them. I don't own the#concept. It's just disheartening and fucking sad above all else. How hard I tried to get people to LIKE me and my stories. 😂#Just sad hours in general tonight my guys. Going to go and pour the bad feelings into Aftermath and then maybe make a bad life choice and#pour all my savings into an ipad#YES I KNOW first world problems. I know. That's why I try not to talk about it bc it seems so petty considering the state of the world#But you can't help what gets you down#EMMs Journal#EMM's Journal
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Every day I wake up regretting getting emotionally invested in Jujutsu Kaisen
#It's both the best and worst thing ever written#So much potential. Wonderful dynamics. Every concept that ever mattered to me personally#which means it's all the best concepts ever in the history of humankind#The most adorable kids. The most gorgeous women. The most whatever Gojo is#Which is pretty much 'everything' considering he is not Jack or Heathcliff#And yet#AND YET#It fails at reaching its full potential on any of the stuff I mentioned#It's truly truly the best thing ever. It's truly also a source of constant dissatisfaction#AND YET AGAIN#When you think 'yeah okay it's too much dissatisfaction it isn't worth it' it hits you again with the best thing ever#I hate it here so much#I wish I didn't get into this at all in general and I specifically wish Gojo Satoru would disappear for good of reality itself#Just *pum* vanished. Like melting water on snow or something#As if he had never been at all. And then I'd have never gotten into this#Anyway... I'm begging everyone who is into Gojo to read Georg Cantor. I have some other authors and texts. I can send stuff#In any case it's all good. I'm sure everything will be forgotten in a couple months#I won't think about this at all in just a little bit more time#Yeah. Pretty sure#It's just a temporal thing with very short time. Almost like an ephemeral fly#Or the lapsus of time in which one could eat cherries yearly#By wintertime this won't be anything at all. At most a red stain on snow that perhaps brings cherries back to memory#Nothing else. Just a little bit more time and it shall pass#But goodness how I wish Gojo Satoru would disappear from my life or the very fabric of reality#I talk too much#I should probably delete this later
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In Honor of Izuku Midoriya
The Greastest forgotten Hero
How will...
...The Story End?
Edit: I updated the drawing I made by fixing the hair and shading.
#izuku midoriya#midoriya izuku#happy birthday izuku#bnha manga panels#bnha manga spoilers#sorry if it's bad#and sorry if there is too much bkdk#but it's not up to me#it's literally the manga#hori i beg u#please make my boy smile#please give him a break#give him the life he deserves#the manga is literally the greatest tragedy i've read#i was so emotional while scrolling through the pages to get the screenshoot bro#izuku is gonna be the dead of me#also i tried to pick up the most iconic panels of HIS journey#and yeah#here we are#the quality is too bad??#please excuse the bullshit i did here#i just wanted to share this kinda draft of idea i had for a while in honor of izuku#and i also wanted to share that last drawing of mine before midnight#everything for this man#please hori#my life will change for the worst if izuku ends up with a bad ending#i'm not good in dealing with sad endings#they destroy every fiber of my being
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Haifa always felt like sickness to me, ever since I can remember it was always the hospital in Haifa and the dirty windows and my sister laying on the bed with the sounds of the machines all around us.
Haifa always felt like sickness to me, but on the way back home from the hospital when I saw my sister for the last time, barely awake on the bed as my brother and mother were crying over her and whispering in her ears, while she struggled to open her eyes and tell me she loves me and to simply live, after I choked on my own words kissing her all over telling her how I'll come to see her again, after leaving it all behind not being able to turn my head around to look at the hospital that I spent many of my days and nights in, the place that my sister herself spent half her life in, it felt like nothing, Haifa didn't feel like sickness anymore, Haifa was suddenly empty.
Maybe she's not dead just yet, it's fine, sometimes she takes longer treatments in the hospital, this time it might be an especially long one, she's not in a grave six feet under the ground, no, it's just simply another day without her while she's still breathing in her hospital room, probably talking to mom or eating some cake that my brother brought her, and I'm simply waiting for her to come back cause this time for some reason I'm not allowed to stay with her and sleep on the hospital chair by her side or even visit her, but I'll keep waiting, cause she will come back eventually, she always does, she always comes back from the hospital to our home, to me waiting for her standing at the front door.
Something is telling me this time around I'll be stuck here waiting for her for far longer than ever before, but I'm waiting nonetheless, she'll come back, coughing still, but she will come back to me as she always did and say "hey my love".
"يا حبي خليك"
#31/7/2024#I love you so much my sweetheart#I'm so sorry please forgive me I beg you there's so much that I regret#my love my life my everything#you were my whole world why did you leave me#cystic fibrosis#been preparing for this day for years yet here I am not knowing what to do with myself#our precious is gone#my older sister is gone#I want her back now please I'm sorry for every word of annoyance I'd spend a 100 years more taking care of you just please come back to me
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(´･ᴗ･ ` )
#I really like the “We're the bad guys' enemy” line. For someone I generally despise Dazai has all my favourite lines in this show…#Idk I can't really vibe with the unbalance that there is between s/kk.#Like when push comes to shove‚ Dazai has the power to keep Chuuya alive or let him die.#I understand why they make a compelling dynamic in their complexity‚ but it just doesn't do it for me.#I'm a little sad my opinion on them hasn't really changed since I watched the anime for the first time...#Also; I really can't vibe with Chuuya allowing Dazai to kill Q. Yes I know Chuuya cares about his comrades deeply.#Yes I know it can be interpreted as Chuuya seeing himself in Q as a living weapon and being disgusted by it#(though I honestly don't think that was intentional of the author).#Yes I know Chuuya is a mafioso and kills people. No I don't think your personal issues justify you being a dick to other people I'm sorry.#Back to my main annoyance with the episode: I must have already talked about this but I hate hate hate the narrative#“the mafia works for the city” “the mafia deeply loves the city too” it's so so sickening and insulting please stop I'm begging.#Please visit any actual city with a rooted mafia presence for once in your life (signed: someone whose hometown was destroyed by the mafia.#The writers really don't know what they're talking about and‚ politely‚ it's offensive.)#Also b/sd keeping being extremely nationalist with Mori (who's largely depicted unsimphatetically for the first part of the episode)–#bringing up western thinkers and subtly mocking Fukuzawa for not knowing them–#and Fukuzawa (the righteous man. the noble spirit and just soul in this episode and Mori's antithesis)–#stepping forward to say that he knows strategists from the east (because who else would he need?)#I don't know if it's meant to symbolize the conflict with an hostile and invading foreign power (the Guild).#But it does come across as. A very isolationist way of thinking.#I know it's subtle but it's really evident for me. And I didn't want to talk about this any further…#But by bringing actual examples of this I hope I can better explain why I think that b/sd holds nationalist views–#and that I'm not just making it up out of nowhere. Otherwise I fear I'd only come off as pettily hostile to b/sd in everything#That's it. I feel like I've been losing a lot of mutuals over my main recently due to not shutting up (sorry)#so I suppose it's only fair I lose them on here too pffttt.#Tune in next week for more bad takes#random rambles
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