#I'm a long way off from this but my name is not biblical in origin so I'm not sure what I'll do

[shewantstobe]

Split up the first two for all the organic Rachels and Davids of the world.

Please feel free to elaborate on how you made your decision!

[edennill]

Analysis/thoughts on Finrod's Duel with Sauron in the Finrod Rock Opera:

(I take the English translation of the lyrics from here — it's the 11th song)

Sauron, classically makes the first move, and in a very Sauron-typical manner. "How dare you come here — the world is dark and horrible — loyalty doesn't exist — et cetera as nauseum". I just really want to know what has he got against Fëanor specifically ("Into the world has come a curse, whose name is Fëanor!") He's the only person mentioned by name in the fragment too.

(I'm also fascinated by the costuming choices in the version I usually watch — the newest one? — that seemingly have Sauron steal Morgoth's fashion style. The crown specifically, it's even got three jewels. I know Morgoth doesn't really have much focus in this version, so they may have wanted to use the visual, but still. As for the rest, it's a very standard phobso-influenced design, ginger hair and all. Someone has definitely been on Tumblr, or at least very active on Pinterest.)

Finrod's first response starts off frustratingly vague, in my opinion, and at the same time, mixes together too many images in one stanza. As for "The poison of lies is harsh/But in this world there is no poison greater than love" — I don't think Finrod would say that, not the second part at least. Oh, well, Amarië — but Finrod is not a Romantic, and his view of what Love is would be far wider.

Then we get to the good stuff, however. "The crossbow has been twined with ivy/Harpstrings replaced the bowstring/Blossoms will turn the bloody trail white/The sound of a song will replace curses..." There is a definite echo of "swords into plowshares" with this one that feels at least semi-conscious — and thus makes me wonder... the biblical passage where that comes from is a strongly eschatological one, and I wonder if this does not imply Finrod is now singing about his "dream" or vision.

Well, Sauron's only reply to that is to say: It's too late, "the thread has been twisted too far and too terribly" and denounce Finrod's ideas as "a pitful likeness of the Creator's original designs". (By the way, Sauron is one of the characters to reference Eru most often here (that is two times), only he never calls him by that name. I don't know what to make of that)

Finrod's second verse: "Where there is no oblivion/Runes weave over the stone/And the strings of the lyre/Do not speak of the power of time/Behind me, the youth of the unmarred world has risen like the dawn/et cetera" and "But darkness and slander/Have vanished, like a dream/Such is the law/As long as the firmament is full of imperishable light". I'm quoting in full because my thoughts basically boil down to: this is a lot of words, and I'm not sure what they all mean in this arrangement, or what they call back to — although I think you can interpret them in accordance with my vague ideas about his previous lines. Lastly, Finrod seems to invoke the Day of Valinor in an explicit attempt to match powers with Sauron.

(Also, the phrase "i struny liry" is just honey on the tongue when set to music, I don't know why)

Enter Sauron with "Strength in this world belongs only to the one/who will doubtlessly break the shackles of slavery." Given later context, it seems pretty clear this is to refer to a general promise of "freedom", not to Morgoth and Sauron merely. Which — I don't think is far off from how they would like to be seen, but I wonder what gave the writers this intuition. I don't think the theme is particularly outright expressed in the book, is it? Hmm, or could it be an idea from the Black Book of Arda (which I'm pretty sure goes down that path), or a reaction thereto... I'm never sure just how much influence I should assume the 90s/00s Russian fandom madness (wank and wars included) had on local works. Concluded with "I am free to do whatever I want to you."

Finrod: "My choice is made/And fate is in the power of Eru" — direct refutal, great. "Both light and shadows/Are gifts in his hands." — He would not freaking say that, unless it's supposed to translate into "Your power is not innate either", that I can get behind. And the famous "I do not believe in endless losses." — people have written full essays on that so I will remain silent. Of course Finrod speaks of eucatastrophe though 😊.

Then we get to one of my favourite exchanges. Sauron (after an obligatory segue into how he sees in Finrod a fear that befits only cowards and slaves, because he's like that) calls out Finrod for being "guilty before the Creator". And my darling, dearest Finrod (oopsie, this was meant to be a serious post — I'm afraid I've gotten too deep into blorbo territory) immediately has a riposte: "But the greater guilt is on the one, who in a dark hour, and with open eyes, taught us pride."

Which naturally does not really make him innocent of the blood-guilt, but as a "And you're the one asking about it?" it works very well. Sauron's comeback is "That was done to set you free" which is lame and contradictory with his just preceding attempt to guilt Finrod and I love this. I feel like this inconsistency is something that Tolkien would have agreed with very well in terms of "how evil works" — again, I feel like the people behind this are so strongly either hit or miss in terms of themes that I wonder if the text wasn't written by more than one person.

Finrod tells Sauron that he may at most kill him, Sauron is... enraged and, it seems, instigated, and then we have one of Finrod's best moments in the show, in which he genuinely feels like he almost pities his opponent for wasting himself like that, especially with the right intonation on the part of the actor. "First answer me/Why does the dark throne/So draw your eyes, o Sauron?/As if the dead glitter of crowns/Will save one who was not born?" indeed

As for: "If by such is Light defended, Darkness will triumph" — I hate Sauron for that insult; even more since it's "kicking a fallen opponent" — but it works. He would say that.

And of course he finishes off with "—and me with it!" because Dark Lords are nothing if not preoccupied with self. It's childish really, when not sung in a strong voice — but that's the point, or should be.

[jo-harrington]

Gratia. (An As Above, So Below Story)

Gratia. Charitas. Solamen. Grace. Charity. Peace. The oath of the Knights of the Holy Order.

Summary: You and Eddie-- separated by time and endless suffering--don't realize how many strings keep you connected on the web of fate. What players are there trying to cut those strings? And when will you both find out that they are unbreakable?

Word Count: 2.1k

Pairing: Eddie Munson/Fem!OC (The Knight - Written in 2nd Person POV - You/Your - No Use of Names of Physical Descriptors)

Warnings/Themes: Soulmates, Kas!Eddie, Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Grief, Minor Character Deaths, Manipulation, Transformation, Corruption, Supernatural Encounters, Religious Elements, Criticism of Religion, Biblical and Other Literary and Pop Culture References

Note: So...originally this was going to be one long thing. A tale about the Knight and Eddie and their unbreakable bond. And I wavered about how relevant it would be to the larger story. How relevant are any of these blurbs to the larger story? But if there's anything I've learned writing AASB, it's that I'm really writing the whole thing for myself. And after finding myself in an odd state of grief that kind of just keeps getting worse over the weekend, I know that this little fic...and the two that follow...really are only going to just be for me to help me get through it, so I need to be true to myself and write them anyway. **So if you do read this, please know it can be read in tandem with As Above, So Below. And you should have at least read the Prequels, with maybe some bonus points for Genesis. Iif you've read the Hymns, this is set before Nachzehrer.**

You can find my masterlist here.

Please do not interact if you are not 18+.

“God is a comedian playing to an audience that is too afraid to laugh.” ― Voltaire

November 10, 1986

"I'm sorry for your loss."

"Thank you."

"She's not suffering anymore. Tranquilla."

"Thank you, I know. She's been sick for a long time. She's at rest now."

"Mom brought mostaccioli. And chicken cutlets. She's setting it up in the other room then she'll be over. You should get some, you need to eat."

"I'll be alright, thank you for coming."

Today was the final day that you would spend with your Nonna.

Well, a more accurate description was that they let you have it.

Let you.

Let you have one day to sit on that stiff funeral home sofa. To stare at her, unrecognizably still in her casket, as friends and neighbors swarmed to offer their condolences. To mourn with you.

But somehow also separately from you.

And tomorrow, after she was behind a cold slab of marble, you'd be off again. Creeping closer to your own death until one day you might be placed in a plot adjacent to her.

Together.

But not really.

If there was anything left of you.

It wouldn't do to think of that today though.

Today, you would sit here. Enjoy your break and bask in the remnants of her soul that still lingered in and around her body.

It brought you some comfort to feel it move the way she did.

It danced like she danced around the kitchen, the boundaries of it crinkling like the wrinkles at the corners of her eyes and mouth. A phantasmic remnant of her lovingly worried gaze was on you every now and again, creating the urge to say "I'm ok Nonnie." To lie to her, like you always did. And whenever one of her friends knelt their own aging bodies to pray at her side, you could practically see the softness of her cushion their jagged edges, comforting them.

You didn’t dare go up yourself though.

Not yet.

Not unless you wanted the Funeral Director to haul you out of the casket because somewhere deep down you just wanted to crawl into it with her and scream,

“Take me with you. Don’t leave me like I left you.”

Because you were not ok.

You closed your eyes as a phantom hand touched your shoulder, as it attempted to soothe the pain deep inside you but only managed to stir up another kind of pain. Another kind of mourning.

If only he was really there, you could ask him to take you with him too. Take you away from here to wherever he and Nonna would wait for you.

An impossible request.

The weight of the sofa shifted beside you and you opened your eyes. You expected to find Fortunata or Antoinette—two of Nonna’s closest friends who could claim a spot beside you if they truly wanted—but instead you found Gabriel’s stiff inhuman posture and expressionless face staring ahead of him at the casket.

“You could have helped her,” you said instead of a greeting. What good would a greeting do? “Healed her.”

You briefly wondered if you'd imagined the corner of his mouth quirking before he spoke.

“And if I told you I had? If I spared her a worse fate? Lessened her pain? Lessened yours?”

“I wouldn’t believe you.”

“Then I won’t tell you.”

You turned back to watch the casket with an unsatisfied hum.

Time passed and you sat silently together as you fought to keep your emotions in check with Gabriel's presence. You weren't nervous, per se; more annoyed. Angry, even. Questioning why he was here on this day out of all days.

All your life, you explained away his presence as a guardian. Unseen and unknown to everyone but you. He used to protect you or so you could recall, but as you got older that seemed to stop.

And he was more of a harbinger of doom than a deterrent of it.

Well, not doom.

Fate.

Or God's will or some shit like that. You didn't know anymore. Didn't care. You only cared about getting to the finish line. Freeing your soul of this curse. Getting your prize.

Heaven. Home. Peace with the ones you loved.

With Nonna.

With Eddie.

So if Gabriel was here, it meant something was about to happen. Something unsavory. Something...

You blinked and he disappeared from your peripheral vision suddenly, and just beyond the space he had previously occupied, stood a man in a black cassock.

Jinette approached you but you didn't give him the satisfaction of your attention until he said your name and offered his condolences.

"May I sit?" he gestured beside you.

"Seat's taken," you responded coldly.

"Ah, your mother, yes," he nodded in realization, and you watched him pull a chair up from one of the rows behind you.

You wouldn't be the one to tell him that your mother hadn't shown her face since you arrived back in Chicago late last night. She had done her duty, arranged the funeral and called you home. Beyond that her obligation was almost over; she could be free.

There had been a brief moment between the two of you when you let yourself into Nonna's flat and found her at the table surrounded by paperwork and old pictures, and you thought for the briefest second that this might be a turning point. That she might exhume whatever love she used to have for you, buried so deep in her heart, so you wouldn't have to mourn alone.

Instead she said she was sorry, then kissed your cheek and left.

And really you only had yourself to blame at the disappointment that punctuated the interaction. How could you have expected anything more than that when the bar was already set so low?

"California is a long way to come just for funeral rites," you said once Jinette was settled.

"I'm afraid that's not what I'm here for."

"Then to attend a funeral of a very devout woman," you amended.

"I'm not here for that either." You would give it to him, the remorse plastered on his features almost looked sincere. "Unfortunately, there is a very dire situation and the Order is in need of your experti--"

"No," you cut him off swiftly. "Tomorrow. You can ask me to go tomorrow. Not today."

The usual coldness of his gaze returned and he addressed you stiffly.

"You cannot refuse. Must not. This is your duty."

You turned to him, hand shooting from your lap of its own volition to grab his robe and pull him close enough that your noses practically touched.

The funeral goers around you began to murmur--your Nonna's friends whispering in fear and shame, saying a prayer to spare them of whatever wrath would befall you for defying and possibly harming his eminence--but you ignored them.

You knew you might pay for it later, but for now your rage was warranted.

"Don't lecture me about duty," you hissed at Jinette. "My entire life has been about duty. Her life too. If you want me to go? You'll beg me. Not guilt me. But I promise that the answer will still be no."

Something wicked flickered inside of you, and you wondered if you could smite Jinette. Just a little bit. If you could channel the deep-rooted grudge against your plight and let him feel the consequences that waited to befall someone who had nurtured it.

Then you felt a slight disturbance in the room.

The calm of Nonna's soul was shaken from its bliss, and you could practically hear the sharp, punishing clicks of her tongue as you fisted Jinette's robe tighter and tighter. The flame of the candles beside her casket flickered, the leaves on the flower arrangements that filled the room began to wilt, and the whispers around you got louder until they roared in your ears.

Your eyes burned with unshed tears as the feeling of Nonna's disappointment surrounded you--filled you--and you fought it for as long as you could.

But if anyone here was going to reprimand you in this room, in this world, it would be her.

You let Jinette go and fell back into the couch with your arms crossed tightly over your chest. He heaved several heavy breaths and patted his chest pathetically.

"Tomorrow," you told him as Nonna's soul and the murmurs of the people around you settled back down into a serene silence.

The tears finally fell after he left, and you closed your eyes as Eddie's ghostly touch softly wiped them away.

"Tomorrow..."

November 6, 1983

Twang.

He enjoyed it.

Twang.

Enjoyed plucking the guitar strings and letting the reverberation travel along his fingertips and into the very core of him.

Twang.

Deep down in that dark pit where you seemed to hide, every note was like a starburst of brightness and good feelings. Things so foreign and forgotten to him now, yet still so integral to Eddie Munson.

He wasn't Eddie anymore though.

So he resented the fact that he enjoyed it so much.

"Play something," you would whisper in those hidden depths, like a devil on his shoulder, and he constantly fought the temptation to follow that urge. "Play me a song, I know you know how."

He never gave in though.

Could never give in.

It was bad enough that he hid you from Henry, that he even listened to you at all. But feeling something--doing something--was better than feeling nothing in the boring, timeless eternal void of the Upside Down. So he would allow himself these brief visits to the trailer, he would tolerate your soft words and the ever-present softness of the ghost that seemed to haunt him here, so he could pluck a few twangs of the guitar strings and bask in the sparks of euphoria they would bring.

And it was enough. It had to be enough.

Then, when he got bored or hungry or irritated by you, away he would go again.

"I would argue that me being annoying is the reason you still keep me around."

He hissed at you and pulled his hands away from the guitar spitefully.

Twang.

He watched as one of the strings seemed to pluck itself and debated whether he could reach out and take a swipe at you, but there was a sudden pain beneath his sternum. Odd, seeing as he barely felt pain in this body now. He clicked his claws together contemplatively, then hesitantly rubbed at it to soothe the ache, and as he did, he felt the echoes of your soft sigh somewhere deep inside him.

He faltered for a moment, unsure if he should feel some sort of satisfaction that he had comforted you, or resentment that he had fallen for it.

He hated you. Hated your presence there. Hated that you were somehow here when you left him to this fate. Hated that you made him weak again when Henry had remade him to be strong. Infallible.

You might very well be his downfall one day.

And still he couldn't fathom being without you again.

He growled deeply and, unexpectedly, the trailer shook around him, walls clattering, remnants of knick knacks falling.

For a moment, he watched it in awe. Believed that he was the cause of it. That the power Henry had helped him unlock had been activated with his spite.

Until everything started to shake.

The Upside Down became unsettled, the very ground beneath him shifting with some seismic agitation. Roiling and churning, changing.

There was a cacophony of restlessness through the collective consciousness as all of the creatures of the Upside Down felt the disturbance. As Henry felt the disturbance and questioned its origin, because it had not been of his design.

Almost immediately, he was singled out amongst the masses, ordered to his Master's side.

Who else could find the cause of this turmoil than Henry's right hand? His loyal servant? The Beast he created to strike on his behalf, to herald in the end?

Eddie didn't hesitate.

He left the trailer and took flight swiftly and dutifully, beating his wings powerfully to get to Henry as quickly as he could.

To get away from you as quickly as he could.

You and your comfortable constant presence in the respite of the trailer.

“Do not be afraid. Our fate cannot be taken from us; it is a gift.” ― Dante Alighieri, Inferno

[thats-the-teen-spirit]

Bring Me The Horizon - POST HUMAN: NeX GEn album review

Well I didn't expect to write a full BMTH album review today but here we go. The band officially blueballed their audience to the point that as soon as they passed the longest streak without releasing an album, they surprise-dropped it completely unexpectedly. Just a heads-up, I'm not familiar to the lore of the album, what the Nex Gen is or whatever but still, here's my review:

[ost] dreamseeker

This is the shortest and most basic noise intro they've done I think for a while, it's just sounds of steps and the fade in to the first track

2. YOUtopia

Way before the album was announced, back during the Survivor Horror album cycle Oli said something along the way that the Post Human series wants to explore each of their favorite and most played genres, one of which was "emo" as he said. Emo in a sense that MCR or Underoath was emo, not the old-school way. YOUtopia has definitely the MCR feeling to it, not as much as LosT has though but that is not the point. This song has a bouncy riff, catchy chorus (similar style to Werewolf, the song the guys did with Lil Uzi Vert on his latest album) and the most 'amo' feel outside of the singles for me. Great song, definitely will be played during concerts.

3. Kool-Aid

The last single before they dropped the album, possibly the most balanced song out of the singles. Very catchy chorus, even the first few seconds feel like the "you're gonna die in the pit" fright that I usually feel at concerts. The breakdown is crazy, it has a very death metal guitar solo, what more do you want?

4. Top 10 staTues tHat CriEd bloOd

When I first read the title I thought this would be the most emo song on the album. I was not wrong. The style of 80% of the song is pure pop punk. There's the old school blink-182-like riff, the chorus sounds like it's from a 00's teen movie. Sometimes in the song there are cheeky blastbeat parts which I adored with Super Mario coin sounds that were hilarious. Oh and there's the Poliphia-bridge that made me smile. This is gonna be a top song on the album for sure for me. It's just so unapologetically fun, it's crazy.

5. liMOusIne (feat. AURORA)

The most out of place song for me, it doesn't even feel like BMTH. It sounds like they hopped on the Deftones-core hype train with the 8 or 9 string low tuned guitar riff that is more Sleep Token than BMTH. Still it's a banger, the bridge by AURORA is really catchy as well. The outro of the song is probably my favorite of theirs outside of One Day the Only Butterflies... on the previous album.

6. DArkSide

DArkSide was the fifth single, and in my opinion the most basic bitch one. It just sounds like they wanted to rip off Linkin Park's Somewhere I Belong again, this of course doesn't mean that the song is bad. In fact it grew on me a lot since it got released. The lyrics are very edgy which is expected from a BMTH song but this song was also a bit too cheesy for me, it definitely goes for the safe radio play option that the band still needs to be as popular as they are.

7. ​​a bulleT w- my namE On (feat. Underoath)

If you read this review carefully you might have noticed that I namedropped Underoath earlier. Well, they are featured on the album. This one literally feels like an old-school Underoath song but with Oli's vocals and the modern hyperpop spin that they do through the whole album. At some point Spencer's vocals felt like they were originally be Jordan's which kinda broke my heart a bit, since the Oli+Jordan duo were my favorite songwriters in the scene. If you're a fan of Underoath you should definitely give this one a spin.

8. [ost] (spi)ritual

Intro=Dark Signs by Sleep Token, Lyrics=Fully Satanic, title=clever wordplay. It's a 2 minute long interlude that has some guitars in it so most fans will not be disappointed in it, the biblical references are there for the edge of it but are barely audible, if you're one of those fans who recently got offended by their latest marketing ploy (the Jesus one), then I'd suggest skip this one. Also it's BMTH, they have always been against religion in general so... don't be surprised.

9. n/A

This song broke me. The first two lines are: "Hi, My name is Oli and I'm an addict. I'm here cause I'm not quite all there". The guitar work is very simple in the beginning, reminiscent of Where is My Mind by the Pixies, but you can sense that something big is coming. This is the most personal song on the album, I haven't heard Oli open up this much about suicidal thoughts and addiction since Sempiternal. It also has a grotesque feel to it as he discribes how he would kill himself in various ways (jumping down a building, making love to a chainsaw, etc). This one is also pretty emo, but not just because of the lyrics, by the sound as well. Definitely will be landing on my playlist.

10. LoSt

Undoubtedly my favorite song on the album, i've been constantly listening to it since it came out last year. If there is a thing called "I'm not Okay"-core this is it. The breakdown is the funnest one through the whole discography of the band, the chorus is a clone of the aformentioned MCR song and the pacing feels like a pop punk banger with an easycore breakdown. Still 10/10 for me.

11. sTraNgeRs

It's kinda crazy to think about how much time passed between each single and the album itself. This song will always remind me to coming home from my ex-girlfriend whom I've completely alienated from at that point and humming to myself: We're just a room full of strangers. I know that the original meaning of the song is quite the oposite, it has a sense of unity and togetherness but still, my personal story overwrote this one for me and I cannot help it. This was the second single and in my opinion didn't age as well as the others but still a very good song.

12. Rip (duskCOre RemIx)

Some segments of the lyrics of this song can be found throughout the teasers BMTH put out in the past few years. This one is a purely hyperpop/heavy pop banger that is very common towards the end of the record. The pacing is again very pop punk and emo, but it has those glitchy effects and even a dance beat at some point. It's a fun one but the poppiest out of the whole record I think. Oh and there's a woah-woah post-chorus which is again, very pop punk. Also despite the sound is very happy and hyper the lyrics are very self-loathing and depict the disappointment Oli had with himself after relapsing during COVID. Just a not so fun fact.

13. AmEN! (feat, Lil Uzi Vert and Daryl Palumbo of Glassjaw)

The heaviest song on the album that was premiered live in my home country last year. I'm really disappointed I missed that and am still salty about it. Anyway this song is the same as Darkside for me, it's not a bad one, in fact, the old school BMTH fans will like this one the most, but for me it's not as exciting. I'd rather listen to the random bullshit they come up with than Oli trying to replicate Suicide Season style vocals which tore his throat up back then. But back to the song, it also grew a lot on me, the choir breakdown will always be fun and the lyrics have very much the Hospital of Souls kind of feel and edginess.

14. [ost] puss-e

Speaking of randomness, this one is about the female genitalia. it's an interlude (as every song beginning with [ost]). I think it's the biggest brain fart they had since the Music to Listen to... EP dropped. The callout before the breakbeat is literally: What would you do for pussy?. It's a random noisy shitshow that people will be mad about just like they were during the amo era but this is still unfathomably BMTH at their finest.

15. DiE4u

It's crazy to think about but this song came out almost 3 years ago, back when Survivor Horror had its album cycle and people were still mostly locked up in quarantine. The lyrics are about addiction again, not surprisingly and were inspired by Oli's relapse that I mentioned earlier. During COVID he made some very bad choices that lead him to get on ketamine for the first time since I think 2013 or so. This song is basically him singing to the drugs, it's a little fucked isn't it? It definitely didn't hold up as well as LoSt or AmEN because back in 2021 Oli was still trying to spread the idea he had about making a new genre called heavy pop. Well, some of his ideas are on the album so I guess he was successful.

16. Dig it

The closing track of this massive album and again we're back to the topic of self-hatred. Oli is again very disappointed in himself to a melody that is similar to Something in the Way by Nirvana. Maybe that was an inspiration, since that song also screams self-loathing. Then there's the modern pop drumbeat, but still the instrumentals are very lowkey, it's clear that the intention is to focus on the lyrics. The closure of the track gets heavy as usual and we hear Count Your Blessings era vocals again. There is even a little snippet at the very end after a little silence, that the AI playing the album failed which means the album is over.

Overall it's a great album, I think Oli and the band ended up with a terrific record, however I still miss Jordan's work on some of the songs. Maybe some ideas were scrapped, maybe even reworked at certain points but I'll always miss his handprint from now on I think. All of the fanbase will be happy with this record I guarantee it.

[singular-yike]

Musing on Ancient Mugenri History

I've been thinking about this topic recently and there's a lot in my mind, so I thought to write it down before it starts fading lol.

To be clear, this is going to involve a lot of speculation, and not much is gonna be based on concrete proof, which is a rather great departure from what I usually prefer, but hey, speculation is fun every now then~

This is gonna be split into several parts, which I hope makes things neat enough. In any case, let's begin!

The People of Mugenri

Before we look into the general ancient history of Mugenri, let's take a quick look at what the residents of Mugenri could've been like in the distant past.

Canon Information

First, let's start with the history of its population. Here, we look at these this line from A World That Isn't Fantasy — To Mugenri:

Hoojiro "Another world….. A land of a race that broke off from mankind long, long ago."

Haru immediately recognises this as referencing the "Land of Non-humans", which Tsubakura had apparently been looking into prior to being spirited away.

This land is generally accepted to refer to Mugenri, and this is the assumption I will be going off of here as well.

Additionally, let's also take a look at this bit of information from the 2021 Interview with JynX.

Characters (BPoHC) — Question 242 Q: Considering that God is moreso a qualification rather than a species, are Yago and Souko's longevity thanks to their original species rather than their status as a god? Does becoming a god even grant you new abilities? A: They both gained their longevity after becoming gods and were originally human-like.

Interpretation

Putting these two together, I propose the following: Mugenri was initially inhabited by a "primordial race", the very human-like race that Yago and Souko belonged to prior to their ascension to godhood.

Somewhere a long the way, this original race split into "humans" and "non-humans", who once co-existed peacefully but had a fall-out of some sorts.

This lead to the event Hoojiro described, the non-humans "breaking off" from the humans and settling in Mugenri, creating the "Land of Non-humans"

Caveats

There are, I think, 2 major caveats to this idea:

I'm making an assumption that the non-humans "breaking off" from the humans applies to both their evolutionary path as well as the relationship between the two.

There's nothing explicitly connecting the "human-like" race and the modern humans and non-humans.

Mugenri's Ancient History

This is where we get really speculative, as all I really have to go on are these names from BotC Back Issue EE Yabusame's Route - Stage 1:

Gods' Tabooed Land

Garden of Eden

Lost Horizon

Oppressed Land of Exile

It should absolutely be noted NiLU suggests that not all of these names originally referred to Mugenri, but that they only got conflated with Mugenri later down the line.

Nevertheless, they're helpful for taking a glimpse into Mugenri's nature. So, let's try to piece a timeline together using these names.

Step 0. Gods' Tabooed Land

"Tabooed Land" is a concept from Shinto that refers to a location said to be reserved for the gods and within which humans are forbidden, often believed to be where the gods descended to and from earth.

Admittedly, I'm unsure whether this step would be placed here or further down, hence "step 0".

If we were to place this here, this would refer to when the gods first descended to earth and started their work, landing in what would become Mugenri and creating "human-like" beings to inhabit it.

Step 1. Garden of Eden

This of course refers to the biblical paradise mentioned in Abrahamic religions where the first humans Adam and Eve once lived before being exiled by God for eating the forbidden fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

It's a rather safe bet to place as the first stage of Mugenri, as it is where humanity originated. Paralleling, in the case of Len'en, Mugenri being where the human-like primordial race came from.

It would also be during this period that Yago Ametsukana ascended to godhood, and perhaps Souko Shirami as well, though I'm have less proof for that one outside of the two gods' basis sharing a similar time period in the irl myths.

I would guess that somewhere along the way, whether they have already speciated into human and non-humans aside, the original inhabitants of Mugenri got themselves exiled from Mugenri.

Fondly remembering the paradisical life they used to lead in Mugenri, and lamenting its lost, the land eventually became known as, or equated with, the name "Garden of Eden".

Side Note — Yago's Ascension You might be curious as to why I'm so sure that Yago's ascension is so likely to have taken place in this stage, even specifically before the residents got exiled. This comes from a spell card of theirs, Sword Shot "The Cherubim and the Whirling Sword of Flame". This spell references what the Abrahamic God sent to guard the Garden of Eden after Adam and Eve's exile. Thus, Yago having this spell card quite heavily suggests that it was the Ametsukana who forged the "whirling sword of flame" and sent it with the cherubim to guard the garden.

Step 2A. Lost Horizon

Lost Horizon is a 1933 novel by English writer James Hilton, famous for being the origin of Shangri-La, a fictional utopian lamasery.

Having been banished from Mugenri, and as the time passed, it's not beyond belief that the people (especially the humans) would've forgotten where Mugenri was once located, rending a truly lost location from their perspective.

It is also during this phase, I would guess, that the two categories of humans and non-humans must have came to be, no later than this. Explanation to come later.

Step 2B. Gods' Tabooed Land

Yep, the "Gods' Tabooed Land" returns once again. For those who did not forget Mugenri, where it was and its history; or perhaps from the gods' own perspective, Mugenri isn't "lost" at all, it's right there!

Instead, these people would've understood Mugenri as a place now exclusively belonging to the gods, and where humans especially are not allowed to enter.

(After all, while the line between human and god is fairly clear, that between youkai and god is often less so.)

Step 3. Oppressed Land of Exile

Unlike the other names, this one doesn't seem to be a reference of any sort, but is just a simple description of the land.

It is during this time period that I propose the "breaking off" between humans and non-humans must've occurred. For whatever reason, the two races were no longer able to peacefully co-exist.

This lead to the non-humans returning to Mugenri (like I mentioned, it's a lot more likely for them to know where it is after all this time). There, they either locked themselves within to cut all possible contact with the humans or they got locked within by the humans.

Having been exiled from the outside world, the inhabitants of Mugenri started a new era of their lives, adopting the Ruri calendar. "Ruri" meaning "exile", further strengthening this idea.

Side Note I've been using "Mugenri" to refer to this location this entire time, but it only makes sense to assume that this name isn't always what it was called. In fact, I think it's rather likely that it was only used after the barrier was created and a separate world formed. Here, I'll use "Ruri Mugenri", named after its Ruri calendar, to denote specifically the Mugenri as we know it now, separated from the outside by the barrier.

The "exiled non-humans" theory does raise a curious question though: Why are there also humans in Ruri Mugenri?

Of course, this could be explained simply by the fact that humans occasionally wander into Mugenri, but I get the impression that humans have always been in the Ruri Mugenri from the very beginning.

There are, in my opinion, three ways we can explain this:

These early humans were sympathizers to the non-humans, and in solidarity joined them in their self-imposed exile.

These early humans were those who sacrificed their own freedom to forever trap the non-humans in Mugenri.

These early humans were not interested in the race conflict, but was simply hoping to start anew or escape the outside world.

Personally, I would imagine that all these cases could be found, though I'd like to focus on the 2nd option. Because this, I believe, is the origin of the Senri Shrine.

We know that the 1st Senri priest was among those who created the Mugenri Barrier, and considering their successor, Tsurubami Senri's, stance towards youkai, it's not hard to see how I came to this conclusion.

Additionally, this also answers the question of whether the non-humans willingly shut themselves in Mugenri or were trapped in there by the humans.

This idea is somewhat supported by this from the 2021 Interview with JynX:

Mugenri — Question 86 Q: Can you think of Mugenri as a trap or prison, maybe a birdcage? Why else would it be so easy to get in but extremely difficult to get out? A: Something like that. The details are secret~.

Unhelpful JynX aside (lol), they did agree, to some extent, that Mugenri is a trap or a prison, further strengthening the idea that the non-humans aren't exactly willing participants.

The Human/Non-human Conflict

Finally, let's take a quick look at what could've caused this conflict between the two sides in the first place. I have a few theories, so let's go into that here.

First off, there's always the good old human fear of the unknown and the different, the easiest and most typical explanation for these situations and plots.

Perhaps the humans gradually grew more and more intolerant of the non-humans, and eventually took to taking up arms against them, leading to this conflict.

Of course, it's frankly hard to believe that these primeval humans would've been able to fight against the myriad of youkai and other non-humans all by themselves.

Here I suggest that the humans weren't alone, but were instead supported by a certain subset of gods. To see where this idea comes from, let's revisit A World That Isn't Fantasy, this time looking at Alice Leaping Atop Lily Pad Ice.

Hoojiro "Have you ever heard of it? The story of the imperial family and the Earthly Gods buried by history's darkness."

This is, at first glance, seemingly just a throwaway line. Hoojiro brings it up out of nowhere, and Haru quickly brushes her aside.

But even ignoring why Hoojiro brought it up, from an out-of-universe perspective, this line is far too loaded to be nothing, especially from a writer like JynX.

From an in-universe perspective, Hoojiro then follows this up with the talk on the Land of Non-humans in the next section, To Mugenri. This, to me at least, seems to hint that these two must be related somehow.

After all, Tsubakura was looking into the Land of Non-humans, and Hoojiro would've certainly had a good idea of everything they looked into and found.

So! Let's try to figure out what this is about.

First off, I'll tell you right now that this is referring to the mythologised telling of how the Yamato dynasty of Japan came to rule over these islands.

See the imperial family of Japan, according to their mythology, is descendant from Amaterasu Ōmikami, a sun goddess. She is what is considered a "heavenly god" (天津神 amatsukami), gods belonging to or originating from the heavenly realm of Takamagahara.

The counterpart to these heavenly gods are thus the "earthly gods" (国津神 kunitsukami), the native gods of the earth. They were the original rulers of the land (Japan), and it was through both diplomacy and force that the heavenly gods got the earthly gods to relinquish control of the earth to them.

This, I am certain, is the "story of the imperial family and the Earthly Gods", Hoojiro refers to. And I have a feeling that this is what caused the relationship between the humans and non-humans to sour.

Basing it on the myths, it would appear that the heavenly gods chose, for whatever reason, to side with the humans in the conflict, allowing them claim the world as their own.

Having identified the heavenly gods with the humans, this would leave the earthly gods with the non-humans, neither of whom fared very well in this exchange, and were forced to submit before the heavenly gods and their humans.

Thus the losers of this conflict, the earthly gods and non-humans, were "exiled" from the known world, put into an almost mirror-dimension-like plane of existence, their only way back out into the greater world through the outside, the Land of the Humans.

Note — Too Harsh on the Humans? History is written by the victors, or in this case, the imprisoned losers. All the sources we have so far are fairly Ruri Mugenri-centric, even those from outside. There is every chance that the humans were somewhat justified in their attack on the non-humans at first, perhaps the non-humans first took over and oppressed them, much like how the earthly gods were the original rulers of Japan. If this were true, that it'd be rather easy to see why the heavenly gods sided with the humans, perhaps out of pity, or a desire to use them to eliminate a common enemy.

Ending

Phew! That was a lot, wasn't it?

But this indeed concludes my thoughts on what the hypothetical ancient history of the land of Mugenri might be like, from it's initial inception to the establishment of Ruri Mugenri.

Like I mentioned at the beginning, a lot more guesswork and speculation this time, so its canonicity is very doubtful. Still, I think it's at least plausible.

As usual, I hope you enjoyed it~! :)

[yellowocaballero]

ok so im not very far into trigun (which. you convinced me to read/watch) but ive seen you talk about vash as a christ/messiah figure which. means im kinda obsessed with how you described his impact on the world in no name on the bullet (christ healing the lame, christ feeding the thousand... christ delivering his people from evil.) did you have any specific biblical references you kept in mind while writing?

i also think its super interesting how the fic seems to focus more heavily on healing as opposed to how (what ive seen of) trigun is a lot more gunman focused - is part of that influenced by how knives is a pacifist in a "cold turkey" way, or a choice on your part? i think it makes an interesting dichotomy, christ the gunman and satan the physician

I've gone my entire life without recommending Trigun to anybody, because I always felt it was too weird and ultra-violent and love-it-or-hate-it to actually ask people to watch it. Look at me now. Getting at least 3+ people into it. Boo boo the fool. Also I'm sorry that this response is so long skull emoji.

I'm ex-Catholic so you have asked the right question lol. Vash is very inspired by the Old Testament God. I have a strong mental image of him obsessing over the Noah's Arc story in his cute children's Bible. Sodom and Gomorrah is brought up again much later, in an extremely important way. Garden of Eden and Paradise, as the show does. The Plagues where every firstborn son dies. These is all imagery that Vash specifically evokes on purpose. Vash...uses the Bible to understand his own experiences and feelings and desires (that's the most neutral way to phrase it), but like a lot of people he uses the Bible/God partly as justification for his actions. God destroys cities for being sinful, and Vash is the closest thing to God this planet has, so he's entitled lol. God Complex McGee up in here.

And Vash's cult has no Jesus, because there is no forgiveness for humanity, and no way for them to be saved. Which is how you know that Vash's Jesus-ey actions as described in the story are very deceitful on a lot of different levels. Kind of like regular Vash lmfao - as I said earlier, he's VERY much also a messiah deconstruction. Vash is a pacifist partly because he needs it - he needs to be believed that people can be saved, that the world can be good, that nobody has to die, because otherwise the world is nothing but an endless parade of misery and death and his own suffering. It's about saving his own soul, and the memory of Rem.

For me, on a writing level: Cain and Abel, obviously. 'My brother's keeper'-ass mofo lmfao. It's more themes for me, though - redemption, salvation, forgiveness, original sin, sin in general, guilt, fate. Knives is pretty obsessed with all of these topics. I make fun of him for it. None of it's healthy. But Knives embodies a few other Christian ideals that I don't make fun of him for, such as the importance of good works and good actions, and dedicating his life towards helping others without the desire for a reward. There's also some subtle 'shepherd and his sheep' stuff going on later.

Re: the gunfights: can you IMAGINE Knives carrying a gun. He is WAY too proud of his own #biologicalsuperiority and #ultimatelifeform and #impenetrabledefense (literally Shadow AND Gaara-ass mofo) to rely on cheap human trinkets like guns lol.

The plot has more action than my usual (yay! - that was what I was working for lol), but it's based off the skeleton of the Stampede plot, which is genuinely a lot more space opera than Western and as such its action looks different. Turns out that when you remove the Gung Ho Guns from a story, there are a LOT LESS gunfights, lmfao (I don't know what kind of errands Vash sends the GHG out on, I am afraid to find out). So partly there's less gunfights because a) Stamp plots don't require too many gunfights, and b) without a Gunman (TM) there's no reason for the group to use guns to solve their problems if at all possible.

It's also just that, basically, Vash's plots are partly man vs self and partly man vs other. When a character is level 99, the tension of the fight scene isn't if they'll win the fight - it's if they'll win the fight under their self-imposed conditions. In Vash's case, the Q in every gunfight is 'can Vash win the fight and save people without compromising his principles?'. For Knives, he is so ridiculously OP that it's impossible to write a fight scene with genuine tension, and he doesn't care nearly as deeply about casualties. So the most engaging plotlines for Knives are entirely man vs self, which tends to shake out into a lot of trolley problems lol. That's the answer to your Q from a writing perspective.

So it's mostly a choice for plot/writing reasons. But YUP the dichotomy is SUPER JUICY, and the fun part of the story is reading the Ultimate Killing Machine be forced to do literally anything else than Ultimate Kill - to do the only thing he wasn't meant to do. Because doing what he was meant to do reduces him to a biblical figure instead of a person - it makes him just a devil, who's never exercised the free will God gave him, and as such can't be called sentient. It's not what Rem would want. And it's a very juicy juxtaposition to somebody who interprets his own meaning in life as a Christ figure as a divine compulsion to brutally murder orphan.

[archangelraphael]

Hello so I saw your recent post about the nephils. I was wondering if you could tell more about you oc. Thank you

Anon, this ask was sent to me april 2022 and I swear that I thought about answering it every day but last year was insane to me. I will answer it now tho [Just a little disclaimer that since this was once a spn insert you might find similarities, but i'm trying to differenciate it as much as possible.]

I don't usually form solid canon for my ocs, so I just go around testing different ideas on the same characters. There are a couple of things i maintened "canon" for them tho:

About the story:

The basic setting is that it would be settled somewhere in ancient/biblical times. In this scenario, most of the events mentioned in the old books would be consequences of the ongoing battle between Heaven and Hell. In the middle of the chaos, nephilim would be created by deserted angels in hope of creating powerful weapons to use in the conflict. There also nephilim created as a result of the love between an angel and a human, but even those angels were punished aswell.

Most nephilim ended up dying by the hands of the angels. Aurie and a couple of other ocs are part of the survivor group that manages to go some time unnoticed. I planned on making it 7 survivors as a reference to the 7 archangels. I do have their concepts, despite not having worked on them. the idea is that each one would be the child of one archangel, but i don't plan on being 100% faithful to the religious lore.

The idea is that it would be a found family kind of story but i haven't decided if i actually want them to be related as a real family, but it's almost certain that not.

After one huge loss in one of the battles, Heaven ends up finding out about the remaining nephilim, and decide to "accept" them in heaven as their soldiers, as a way to take advantage of their power. Except some of them are children of dead/rebelious angels and have to be apart, some in heaven, some in hell.

In this world I also made angels have certain "specialities" in a way that was compliant with the angel types we already know like ophanim, seraphim, archangels etc, but it's an extensive research to do so by know i have been classifying them as: Warriors/Guardians, Healer, Messengers and Reapers.

About Aurie:

After oficially joining heaven she would be placed in an interesting position. Her father, Gabriel, who was supposed to be heaven's chief messenger and most of his angels are now occupying positions as soldiers along Michael's army. Then, it becomes her responsibility to replace her father in this position when communicating to mankind. Because she is a little too good at the job and has a taste for fighting it later becomes her responsibility to gather information about the enemy.

I make all her powers and skills around this idea of being a nephilim of a messenger angel. Messengers angels, aside from communication, are also responsible for heaven's writting, archives and sigils, meaning that they would have control over the "spells" and knowledge that heaven create. It would be the idea that later when she is little older that she wouold create some powerful sigils, but i haven't developed that part yet since it is a whole system to think of ksdjsdk.

I imagine her being able to sing and integrating that into the sigils she creates.

About her name and design i base her off almost entirely of this "Golden aesthetic". I found her name a long long time ago on pinterest originally as "Auriella", which also has some translations related to gold, but over time I changed it to "Auriel" since i find it more angel like you know? I also try to base her on angel cliches.

I also have one part of her story that while defending the prophet she ends up getting hurt by holy fire and ends up with burning scars but i haven't tried drawing it yet since i don't know if i will keep it in the story.

I think the story can pass during all the phases of her life, but mostly when the nephilim are children/teenagers or sometimes young adults.

Her:

Thank you for asking! ^^

[deviousthinkers]

So I'm not here real often right now.

So I decided to share the weirdest ting I've ever written. I'm sure some of you will like this. Some of you...maybe.

What do you need to know? This is a piece of a slightly longer work. It is the bad dream of one fantasy author after another wrote him into a Star Trek novelization. I'm really sorry if this causes a headache.

-~-~

The Borg queen somehow found herself alone in her ship, but strangely the readings she was getting from the ship said that she was inside one of those talking entertainment boxes that were destroying humanity. She wasn't sure how or why but there were a great many unassimilated warriors nearby. She could create an army that would restore the Borg's greatness and let her get free of this idiot box that held her inside this universe. Where to begin? She saw square, flat panes of pictures go floating past the ship and scanned them, deciding on one great heroic male to start with.

~~

"Indiana of Borg I am," the man in the hat said. "I will assimilate you so I can rescue and own your cultural artifacts and then use them to teach nubile young students."

"Borg do not have names," the queen commanded. "You must be faulty."

"The dog's name was Indiana," a male voice shouted.

"Great, they assimilated my father. I'll never be just a number, lady. I fought against those type for way too long to ever be a numbered drone. Nor do I have a number tattooed on my forehead in the Biblical sense. Though this is clearly evil." His whip got pulled off and she zapped him before he could whip or shoot her. Then she got back to work on his transformation. Clearly she had underestimated his sort of being's needs to join the Collective. She'd have to choose an easier second Borg to assimilate.

~~

The next Borg to be found suitable was found tripping over a fallen coconut. He fell, lost his hat, and grabbed it from in front of the Queen's boots. He looked up and smiled. "Hi. Did you get shipwrecked too?"

"You will do good as part of the Collective." She took him back to get to work on him. Gilligan would follow orders she was sure. He was used to following orders from the one in the hat she would get after she got the smart and the pretty ones. They were of more use to her and less likely to fight the transformation. When she was done with him she sent him back.

"I am Two of Three," he said, sounding flat and monotone as he walked up to his friends. "You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile. Assimilated is good and you will join the Collective." He grabbed the smart one but the Skipper hit him with his hat.

"Snap out of it!"

"I don't think he can. Notice all the new electronic looking things on his face," the Professor said, staring at one. "I can fix our radio with that." He got his tool set and set about dismantling some of them. They'd let the Skipper whip Gilligan back into normal shape later.

~~

The queen finally found a minion that wasn't going to question the Collective's will, wasn't full of original thought, and wasn't going to cause her problems by fighting the transformation.

"There is a rumbly in our tummies for honey," the new drone said. "We must assimilate honey."

"Rumbling in our tummies is irrelevant," the queen instructed.

"Rumbling leads to confused thinking and confused days lead to operations that Owl send the Collective on. It is best if we assimilate the honey soon. That way the rumbly goes away and we can get on with more proper Collective work."

The queen stared at him. Perhaps she had been wrong about him. "Honey can not be assimilated. It is a power source, not a separate being."

"Then the rumbly must be indication of low power. The Collective must assimilate the honey now to keep power up and to avoid all confused headed days. They lead to Eeyore losing his tail or a great adventure that the Collective would probably find less than fulfilling as it would lead to only assimilating Owl or Christopher Robin."

The queen stomped off shaking her head but she did let her drone have honey. The other assimilated ones liked honey as well as a biological power source, which they needed.

~~

When the Transformers heard about this going on, they decided to band together - Autobot and Decepticon - to fight this menace before it spread. They were no match for the might of the higher laser weapons and tactics driven by horny teenage human males. Plus the occasional help from a soldier or government agent. They called in reinforcements from GI Joe and He Man. A few of the other heroes were too busy fighting amongst themselves until flaming pieces of the Borg ship, and unfortunately most of the minions, fell on them. Then it was a massive superhero effort to clean up her disease before it spread.

After all, if it could happen to Pooh, it can happen to you.

Knowing it can happen to you is half the battle of fighting it.

The End.

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #103

(taken january 20th; uploading surveys taken while gone)

What is your opinion on sex without emotional commitment? It's absolutely not for me. Though it sounds like a good recipe for getting hurt, I'm ultimately fine with others doing it SO LONG as all parties involved know exactly what the other wants.

Where’s the best place to eat a romantic dinner? I have an Olive Garden bias.

Name of your first grade teacher? Mrs. Jones.

Whose car were you in last…? My mom's.

Has someone ever choked you? Uh only consensually, let's keep it that way lol.

What will you dress up as for Halloween? It's funny you ask this because I just saved an idea in my phone literally yesterday: an adaptation of Bloody Mary where I try to make some Biblical Mary-looking costume, just with a lot of fake blood and maybe a spiked halo.

Who was the last person to piss you off? My mom finally told me Katie's (my oldest half-sister's) origin story a couple days ago and I now hate my grandmother more than I ever have. And I also want to wring her father's fucking neck. I was the kind of mad where I wanted to vomit.

Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos? Yeah. I'm saving up money/taking pictures for people again so I can get my cover-up tattoo HOPEFULLY soon, and I want an industrial ear cartilage piercing as well as my nostril re-pierced, but I doubt that's coming soon now that I know how expensive my cover-up is going to be.

Has anyone told you a secret this week? Refer back to the question about who last pissed me off. I've gone very nearly 27 years without knowing Katie's history BECAUSE I knew without knowing any details that Mom hates talking about it and now I very thoroughly understand why. It's so much worse than I thought it was.

What’s something that you like, that no one would think you’d like? Uhhhhh... OH, hunting video games. I've played them ever since childhood and just find them oddly relaxing. I have no idea how I got into them with how against trophy hunting I am, and I NEVER would do it in real life (even when I was a child, I knew this), but *shrug*

What does your best friend think of your crush/significant other? They're the same person.

Are you listening to music, currently? Yeah, I have this collection of electro remixes of various Rammstein songs on. I fucking love metal/rock mixed with electronic/techno-type music so I can binge the SHIT outta this kind of stuff.

Do you honestly think before you speak? USUALLY, yes; I'd say I tend to OVERTHINK what I want to say. However, I know that when I'm upset, I can be very impulsive with what I say and I am trying very sincerely to correct this behavior.

Who is someone you wish you got to know? It's insane how quickly I knew the answer to this: Jason's nephew Dominic. His brother's wife was pregnant with him when we broke up, and I even went to her baby shower very shortly AFTER we split. I wanted to meet and love him as an aunt so badly. I have literally cried over this, more than once. I know via his mom's obituary that they actually have two sons now.

Who is one person you regret meeting? The two boys that harassed me in pre-k and kindergarten come to mind because they absolutely instilled problems in me that have carried into today.

Where would you go if you got kicked out of your place? Either my dad's or Girt's, I'd guess.

Where is your boyfriend/girlfriend/crush? Home.

Where do you keep your old childhood memory items? In a big box in my closet.

Where on your body do you have a tattoo if any? Right wrist, underside of my left forearm, right shoulder, left shoulder, left breast, right collarbone.

Where on your body do you have a piercing if any? Bottom lip, both earlobes, tragus of my right ear.

When have you felt most depressed in your life? End of 2015 through all of 2016. Breakup aftermath. I genuinely, from the bottom of my heart, wanted to die every single moment of every day, but was too scared to kill myself until I ODed at the start of '17.

When have you been most happy in your life? Realistically probably my childhood. Otherwise, I don't know. Depression and stuff have played too big a role in my maturing/mature years.

Why do you believe/not believe in God? I could probably write my longest possible essay on this fucking topic. But look around you. That's all I need to say to have a strong case already.

How did you get your last bruise? I actually have no idea; I had a random one show up on my chest and I haven't the slightest idea where it came from.

How are you and your most recent ex? We have no form of connection and I plan on it staying that way for the rest of our lives.

How are your parents doing? I can't say for sure about Dad just because I see/talk to him so sparsely. I never really know what's current with him. My mom is okay, all things considered I guess; I was really happy to hear that her after-cancer management doctor is pleasantly surprised that her cancer hasn't reappeared yet with how severe it was. It's GOING to one day, but we're cherishing every single day it doesn't. She still does have health problems though, especially with her sugar being maintained at a safe level; it plummets very dangerously low very suddenly and quickly. She's always stressed financially. She absolutely hates living in this house with our shitty landlord/"friend" dangling her "great kindness" over Mom's head. She's constantly hurt over how my older sister treats her when it comes to being involved as family. My mom has never, EVER gotten even a fraction of what she fucking deserves.

Would you marry someone if they were unable to have sex? Yeah.

How long has it been since you had sex? Haven't had genuine sex yet.

Last reason you went to the ER? I was suicidal.

Were you a planned pregnancy for your parents? I'm not totally sure? Mom's said SHE'D planned on having another kid, but the wording made me wonder if my dad wanted another. I would hope it's something they agreed on, and it seems very un-Mom-like to make that decision on her own.

Do your parents like your boyfriend/girlfriend? They've always loved him. It'd be nice if Dad sees Girt again at some point though, like I still don't know if he even knows we're together. I do KINDA worry how Girt sees my dad/will react to him following the movie theater incident, but...

What if an ex asked to be back in your life? I'd totally be friends with Aaron again, but everyone else, the answer is no. Well, I mean... maybe I wouldn't turn Juan away if he messaged me wanting to get back in touch, SO LONG as he no longer flirted with me. I don't care if he's all the way back in Mexico, I would not be okay with that anymore. He was a person who could make me smile and laugh a lot and was very nice to me (emphasis on "to me," I guess...), so so long as he respected my boundaries, being friends again would maybe be okay?

Last gift you received? Ha ha oh man, so a few days ago I got a completely unexpected package of a big Silent Hill map blanket, and Mom was so confused and thought I'D somehow bought something or she'd ordered something she forgot about, but nope. A short while back, Girt showed me it, and I'd seen it before and casually commented on how I'd always wanted it with absolutely zero intention for him to actually buy it, but he secretly did lmfao.

Has someone had their arms around you in the past 7 days? Yeah. Normal hugs, but also on the 15th when I had my absolute emotional breakdown over thinking Girt was going to leave, he held me really tightly the entire time I cried my heart and lungs out and was constantly reassuring me.

Think back to the last person you kissed, how many times have you laughed with them? Probably more times than I've laughed with anyone else.

Do any of your close friends have children? No, no truly close friends.

Is your sibling missing someone right now? I have absolutely zero idea.

Have you ever made breakfast for someone? Yes. It's something I want to get back into doing... My family loved how I made scrambled eggs as a teenager, always with a bit of hot sauce from Taco Bell lmao, and I just want to be able to provide for others sometimes too. I haven't made eggs since Sara was here and I made breakfast, and that was multiple years ago.

What did you do after graduation? I actually don't remember, lmfao. I feel like I MIGHT have ridden home with Jason and hung out at his place?

Do you remember your first time? Haven't technically had it. I'm kinda surprised I don't really remember the first time Jason and I started to get actually sexual though, because it was not something I took lightly.

Favorite place to eat out growing up? Texas Steakhouse; that's where I had most of my birthday dinners. I loved it so much because it had a mechanical horse to ride, and I also liked seeing all the taxidermy.

What makes you feel sexy? lmfao oh HUNNY

What is your greatest irrational fear? Probably whale sharks. Like... they are COMPLETELY harmless.

How did you meet your pet? Venus: Morph Market. Roman: he was a kitten that my sister's mother-in-law had. Cookie: she was my former dance teacher's dog.

What are some of the phrases in your personal "bingo" card? lmfao GOD this is gonna be so meme-y. Uhhhh "mood," "same," "me," "rip," "oof," "gg," shit like that.

What song are you currently obsessed with? Referring back to the answer about this electro Rammstein mix, I REALY like its version of "Waidmanns heil."

Who is your favorite character in your favorite movie? I have a big soft spot for Mufasa, even if his role was very short. Wise, righteous, kind characters like him really appeal to me.

Who was your most intense sexual experience with? Jason. I don't actually remember which occasion I consider "the most" because I put no effort into remembering this stuff with him but I do know it was with him.

What colors has your hair been in your life? Dirty blonde, brown, black, red, purple, green... I think that's it.

What is the most flattering compliment you remember receiving? One of Jason's friends assumed I was a model lmfao but he only saw a picture of me.

What’s the most uncomfortable thing a stranger online has said to you? GOD who even fuckin knows, I've been on the Internet WAY too long.

Do you ever send anonymous messages of any variety? No.

What laws do you feel bothered by? Roe v. Wade being overturned and abortion laws becoming the states' responsibilities is one of THE most tragic political decisions made in my lifetime. I sincerely grieved. Literally cried.

Do you know how many people you have kissed? Four. Romantically, anyway. One though was because I felt obligated. I've kissed family on the cheek and my nieces and nephew on the head sometimes.

Do you or have you ever owned any sex toys? Bro I live WITH MY MOTHER so I wouldn't even if I wanted to lmfao

Have you seen your favorite band in concert? No, but the Grim Reaper ain't comin NOWHERE NEAR ME 'til I see Rammstein and have my eardrums fractured in two and have burns. :^) As much as I would absolutely love to see Ozzy, I expect him to drop dead like every day now so my hopes aren't high SOBS

Do you ever walk around the house naked? No. If I'm naked it is for THE shortest amount of time possible and I'm definitely not walking around my house.

Do you or would you ever wear fake eyelashes? MAYBE for my wedding, idk. I feel like they'd drive me batshit insane.

Does your best friend have a Tumblr? What is their URL? I can basically PROMISE you Girt does not have a Tumblr lmfao

Would you ever pierce yourself? I don't think I could.

Do you like the band In Flames? I know and love one song, "Where the Dead Ships Dwell," and I feel like there's another I like, but can't remember it...

What did you get on the last test you took? 100. Honestly impressed myself lol, I took the pretest for the advanced photography skills class I just started that just tested what you already knew and I wasn't expecting a 100.

One thing you miss about middle school? NOTHING.

What do you think of guys wearing colored skinny jeans? HOT but men can wear whatever the fuck they want so it doesn't even matter what I think

Who are all the people you have in your phone under “C”? Chelsea (friend) and Chelsey (brother's wife).

What about “M”? Mom, Mazzy, (Miss) Tobey

If you post videos on YouTube, what are they normally of (ex. tutorials, comedy, etc.)? I am very sincerely considering making Meerkat Manor tribute videos again. I've started making a list of ideas lmfao

What’s the longest your hair has ever been? To like, the small of my back. Maybe a bit lower.

Last thing you can remember yourself painting a picture of? Lesbian meerkat mermaids lmfao

[wigglepiggle]

so basically from what I remember: (this is only about the pokemon bc this got really long there were human characters too which I'll talk Abt maybe)

It was called ardentia. part of that region name is an actual word but I forgot what it means

it was supposed to be Germany but I'm not german nor have I been tehre so I wasn't sure so I changed it to be my home state because I never go anywhere else

but america/unova already existed in pokemon when I thought of this so my solution was "it's an island off the coast of unova" which is made even funnier by the fact that my state does not have land that touches ocean in any spot lmao

but also nothing much about anything but the characters and some pokemon were ever fleshed out bc how the fuck do you stretch out the boring ass state of pa into a cool story

also the gimmick for this was mega evos bc I couldn't think of anything better (but at the time I was thinking about a way to nerf them for this)

I did think of something like last week when I randomly thought about mega evos again, limit the amount of turns you can be mega and then the pokemon maybe has to recharge or something after

so anyways the pokemon that I made for this none of them were original they're all regional forms of the bisharp, hypno(it was removed but at some point it existed here), gogoat, eelektross, hitmon, and dusknoir lines

I think I was gonna add a squonk and another urban legend creature thing of pa that I can't remember the name of inspired pokemons but I didn't end up thinking of them past that

what's really funny is that I made the eelektross lines forms based off of a mudskipper I think. those don't even live here why did I do that PFFT

The bisharp and pawniard forms were both based off of yellowjackets, pawniard was pure bug and bisharp was bug/dark (which is actually why my lokix in scarlet is named Adre, because that kind of looks like ardentia and also it's existence as the first bug/dark type made me remember ardentian bisharp lmao)

they had this mechanic were there was this rare form of this called the queen wasp form where it was always female but it was bigger and stronger than the normal arde bisharp

there was also a point in the game where one of the rivals (her name was christina I think??) takes you to a bisharp hive bc her bisharp she found hurt and was rescuing ran in there while it was too hurt to leave, and after you defeat the queen bisharp she gives you the bisharp back and it becomes the rival's partner for the rest of the game

hypno line I forgot what they were based off of but I think they where psychic/dark and also its whole thing was literally just goddamn hypno's lullaby

and bc of that everyone started killing them or something and now they're rare and also hsuian zoroark levels angry or something idk even me back then realized that was dumb and nuked arde hypno

gogoat's line was actually the only interesting one (I feel like it could have been better though) it had the only actual original pokemon I created for this it was called spiriram and it was ghost/dark (it should have been grass/ghost that would have been so much better grrgrgrgr) and it was the final evo of that line (arde skiddo and gogoat were the same type as spiriram)

spiriram was based off of the waterford sheepman (big bipedal sheep thing that eats farm animals)

the other rival had one of these (I forgot what his name was crying I actually kind of liked him)

and now the regional forms are just random and not based off anything related to pa

hitmon line were all psychic/fighting (except tyrouge it's just normal) and I think for some reason they were biblically accurate angels that could also beat the shit out of you ???

already mentioned how wack the eelektross line was

dusknoir lines were fairy/ghost and the best way I can explain this is "ooh cute ghost come play with me :333333 actually I'm gonna fucking kill you now thanks for you body lol :33333"

no haven't played much of any mystery dungeon game yet but ik dusknoir pulls some betrayal somehow I think which makes this really funny bc I swear I didn't know about that when I thought of this thing

oh my god I completely forgot to talk about the terrible pokemon fan region I made a long time ago

[jo-harrington]

As Above, So Below - Chapter 1: Illumination

Previous Chapter: Prologue - Annunciation

Summary: You embark on a long journey and you face the ghosts of your past.

Word Count: 10k

Pairing: Eddie Munson/Fem!Original Character (Written in 2nd Person POV - You/Your - No Use of Names of Physical Descriptors)

Warnings/Themes: Religious Themes, Criticism of Religion/Catholicism, Fate vs. Free Will, Mentions of Death and Injury, Mention of Suicide, Established Relationship, Romance, Supernatural Encounters, Angst, Difficult Family Relationships, Biblical and Other Literary/Media References

Note: As we start getting into the meat of the story, I would like to remind everyone to read the Prequels. Especially Purgatory as we will be stepping in right where Purgatory left off.

The categorization for this story is also no longer xReader, but xOC; however, I will still be writing from the same POV and I will still be vague about our Knight's physical characteristics and name. Please see either the Prologue for the note about her background to set the expectation for yourself before you begin to read the this chapter as we will be getting further details of her origins.

This series will not be for the faint of heart, nor is it something that was written with a general audience in mind. Please check the above warnings and ask yourself if you are in the correct headspace to proceed. I am happy to answer any questions via PM or Ask.

You can find my masterlist here.

Please do not interact if you are not 18+.

Enjoy!

“A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles.” — Christopher Reeve

October 5th, 1987

Don't be afraid.

You waited restlessly in what could only be described as a receiving line as a black car pulled up and a figure in red emerged from the back.

Don't back down.

With every step he took, another person shook his hand, bowed to kiss his signet ring in respect, and you could feel your resolve begin to crumble.

Don't show weakness.

Finally, he made it to you.

There was no real greeting, no pleasantries. He could put on a show, but it wasn't hard to detect everything rotten beneath the surface.

The newly-appointed Cardinal Jinette had no fondness for you.

"It's good to see you being useful in a time of need," he greeted backhandedly.

Nor did you have any for him.

"I'm only meant to do as I'm told, isn't that right?" you countered trying to hold back the venom in your voice.

He held his hand out and you shook it, but avoided the show of respect. You didn't even look at his ring. He wasn't entitled to it. You gripped his hand tighter as he tried to move on from you.

"We need to talk."

The serene expression that he had schooled himself to give turned hard and impatient, and he reluctantly motioned for you to follow him as he continued down the line.

As he led a prayer for the congregants, you reflected and prepared yourself for the battle ahead.

It had been a few days since the earthquake rocked Los Angeles; countless buildings were damaged and destroyed. The death toll was low, but the number of people injured and missing got higher by the day. The church, of course, became a beacon of hope and refuge as it usually did. People flocked, people prayed and lit candles, they begged God for mercy.

So one would think that you, acting on behalf of the church—on behalf of God—would be put to use in the best of ways. To heal, and fix, for once, instead of strike and destroy.

You had been eager for it, craved it.

But for someone like you there was a line that couldn't be crossed. Rules that couldn't be broken. And when you had shown up at the cathedral amidst chaos after returning to the city from your hike, you had been told to stay out of the way. To let the people who could help in a meaningful way do so.

There would be no healing, no peace, no comfort for those afflicted by tragedy.

"An act of God," Jinette began, because there could be no other explanation. "An act of God requires no miracles; there is nothing to fix."

Miracles?

Was that what he thought they were?

Your nonna always told you that you were destined for miracles. It was in your blood. You'd follow in your father's footsteps and your grandfathers. Save the world from darkness through miracles.

Your father would laugh, though, as he packed his bag to leave on yet another mission for a God that damned him. You'd sit, too young to truly understand her hopeful devotion and his cynicism, and ask what Nonna meant. What miracles he was going to perform.

"Miracles are for Saints. Not for us."

You could have put up a fight. You should have. You should have pushed to make a difference and end someone's suffering but Jinette knew what buttons to press to get you to back down.

Especially since you carried the guilt that the earthquake was your fault in the first place.

Jinette sent you away to a place where he didn't need to look at you, where you could make the least amount of noise.

If only he knew the irony in his choice: the Misión San Gabriel Arcángel.

You swore you heard Gabriel's stiff, judgmental hum as you stepped through the gates. A warning that he could watch you here...watch you anywhere. A reminder that the clock was ticking and fate was waiting.

You helped with disaster relief efforts for days. Walked through the neighborhood passing out food and water, helped set up shelter in the rectory building, and prepared care packages.

Some of the historic buildings on the property had sustained damage in the quake; plaster gave way to show concerning cracks in the adobe below. So you volunteered to go into the chapel to survey the integrity of the building and see if it could be used to safely shelter people who had been displaced from their homes. If an aftershock occurred and the building collapsed, you could get yourself out when others could not.

You had done it before, after all.

However, the most important task you undertook was answering the rectory phone, and it was the reason your eyes burned a hole through the back of Jinette's skull.

He said his final amen, offered some additional handshakes, and then turned on his heel and started towards the cemetery on the grounds. You were quick to follow.

There was an uneasiness that filled you as you stepped past the cemetery gates and onto the grass, an unsettling energy. Not aimed towards you...but at Jinette...

You had always been receptive to the dead, but it had never manifested like this before.

It was a Mission, after all. What else did you expect?

"So," Jinette began and sat on one of the small stone benches. "What have you done now?"

"W-what have I done?" you choked on your words. You shouldn't have been surprised by his dismissal of you. "Why would you assume it's something I've done?"

"Because it's the truth of your soul, child. You sin again and again, you ask for penance, you're sent on another task to find it."

How dare he speak of penance. How dare he set foot on their graves. How dare he disturb their rest. How dare he talk about miracles and healing and peace and sin and forgiveness.

Thoughts bubbled up inside of you like heartburn and fed on your internalized wrath. Thoughts that were not your own.

You pushed them back and tried to focus on the task at hand. You wouldn't get anywhere if you weren't careful.

"I haven't done anything..." you explained. "Yet."

"Ah, you see?" He smirked and clapped his hands, triumphant that his assumption was correct.

"I need to go."

"Go? Go where?"

"Father Arnold had me on the phones yesterday," you began your explanation. "People calling for supplies, to help arrange funerals...standard calls you might expect in this circumstance. But there was one call that...was interesting...concerning.

"Someone from the Geological Survey. Calling to let us know that someone would be out, to the mission specifically...to survey some kind of fault line that might have contributed to the damage. I'm not entirely sure; my father made sure I knew scriptures not science. What was interesting, though, was that he said this earthquake wasn't the only one that happened on Thursday.

"There was another one. Several, in fact, In Indiana. Hawkins. And that—”

Jinette's laughter cut you off and your stomach turned. You could hear the hissing at the back of your mind as the spirits grew restless once again.

"That's what this is about?" he asked incredulously. "Your...silly fascination with Hawkins?"

"It's not a fascination."

"Obsession. With that boy."

"It isn't about Eddie," you scoffed. "Hawkins was already the sight of an atrocity. The...the monsters...the portal...I told you all about it. What if this is related?"

"You didn't seem to think the last earthquake was an atrocity."

No, you hadn't thought so.

There hadn't been a reason for you to think otherwise.

Your thoughts were only on Eddie, not Hawkins. Who cared about the town when he was gone? When he waited for you? Your focus and determination was to undo the curse so you could be with him. More determined than your predecessors ever had been, surely, to reach the ultimate prize.

Love. Forgiveness. Salvation. Rest.

You toed the line between life and death countless times over the past 18 months, you never declined a mission. You became the mindless sword you were destined to be...and it still wasn't enough.

The weariness you had felt before Eddie's death had only increased tenfold. There seemed to be no end in sight.

Then the Earth below Hawkins shook and cracked and split open once again. For 7 days it had been rumbling with some frequency, unexplained.

But there were no such things as coincidences. For Gabriel to show his face here, after something happened in Hawkins again...

"I've changed my mind," you finally answered. "It must have been related. Something infernal. I have a gut feeling, I have to follow it."

"There's a proclivity to temptation in your blood. You know this."

How dare he speak of temptation. Ask about his temptation. Ask him what he did to earn the scarlet robe. He's hungry for power. Power over you.

"It isn't temptation," you argued. "It's a genuine concern. We should at least investigate."

"Have you tried calling? Any of your friends in Hawkins? Called anybody?"

"I have. The phone lines are down. Everywhere. Even the Pizza Parlor. Hawkins went dark...over a week ago it seems."

"Because of the earthquake. There is nothing nefarious there."

"But what if it is? If you're not going to let me go, ask someone else," you begged. "We can contact the Order. It wouldn't hurt to ask."

The two of you talked over one another to convince each other to see reason. You knew you needed to go, and Jinette was desperate for you to stay.

"You have no connection to Hawkins anymore," Jinette raised his voice and stomped his foot down in finality as he rose from the bench.

The anger bubbled up inside you once again and your throat tightened, the hissing of the spirits just as loud in your ear as Jinette’s.

Tell him. Tell him that a power greater than him demands your presence.

"Your little...boyfriend is dead. You have work to do elsewhere. You're better off doing work here, helping people here."

Tell him his rotten little existence is eclipsed by the majesty that awaits you.

“Instead of playing into your little fantasy where you can make up for being unable to save him.”

Tell him to go to Hell and then let us drag him there.

You let out a screech for them to shut up, all of them. Your voice echoed through the cemetery, bounced off headstones and monuments and columbariums.

Then the ground began to violently shake.

You began to shake.

You trembled with fury at a frequency that easily penetrated the earth and rippled out from you.

Jinette lost his balance and fell back on the bench as he stared at you in shock. Frantic shouts could be heard from beyond the walls that enclosed the graveyard. Cars beeped and crashed on the road as drivers lost control.

Across from the mission was the Civic Theater; it was another historic monument in devotion to your Guardian, with three bell towers situated proudly atop it. As the tremors increased, the bells started to sway. The distressed ringing emulated screams and cries for help as the adobe began to crack and give way around them.

“Please,” they seemed to beg in harmony. “We are innocent.”

But their cries fell on unsympathetic ears, and you watched with a dark, sick glee as one of the bell towers broke and crashed through the roof into the auditorium below.

You knew no one was hurt. You could feel it.

But Jinette did not.

"Stop this, stop! Enough" He shouted, pleaded. You recentered yourself and the tremors stopped.

“What have you done?” He asked in disgust. “What have you done?! You’re meant to save the innocent, protect them. You’re a monster!”

You quickly closed the distance between you and he flinched.

“If I’m a monster, it is because you made me one Father,” you hissed at him.

“Then may God find the mercy to save you,” he whispered.

"God isn’t going to save me. I’m going to save myself.”

October 7th, 1987

It was unfair to say that you didn't have any supporters within the church; there were a few people who could even be considered as having a fondness for you. A handful of nuns, the old priest at the parish back home, maybe maybe the Pope if you were really pushing it; he remembered your name once.

The other members of the Holy Order itself...well that was complicated.

However, as soon as you effectively burned bridges with Jinette, the number dwindled even further. And it was evident as you set foot on the grounds of the cathedral to collect your things.

You had only grabbed the bare minimum to go to the Mission on Jinette's orders and the rest had been stored away in some spare room in the rectory. But no matter who you asked, you never got a straight answer.

"The Cardinal had us put your things in storage."

"Your bags? We were told they were to be donated."

"Are you sure you didn't bring them along with you? Maybe a prayer to St. Anthony if you've misplaced them."

One of the nuns who usually had a sweet smile and prayer for you even made the sign of the cross as you went to ask for her help.

You stared at her in shock as she scurried away from you as quickly as she could. You covered your face and groaned.

You shouldn't have done what you did, you knew it...it was just...enough was enough. And you couldn't undo it now. You just...you knew you needed to get to Hawkins, desperately, and if Jinette wasn't going to loosen your leash enough to let you go, after you destroyed yourself for the church—for him—you knew you needed to break free.

But you also needed more than a dirty change of clothes and the handful of bills you had tucked into the glovebox of your car.

"UGH! For fuck's sak--"

"Sorry, did you need help?" a soft voice interrupted you, and as you peeled your hands away to see who the newcomer was, you found yourself vaguely remembering the woman. "Oh, it's you."

She looked different from the last time—the only time—you saw her. She had a coif and veil covering her hair now, and a maroon apron over her blouse and skirt. Not a nun yet, still a novice.

"Mary...Victoria, right?" you recalled. She smiled and nodded, then glanced to the sides.

"I, uh, don't think you're really welcome here anymore," she whispered conspiratorially. "The Cardinal is...really mad; he might have...banned you from the Cathedral."

"Tell me something I don't know." You rolled your eyes. "I just need to get my stuff. I'm making a run for it."

"Oh?" Her eyes brightened. "Where are you going? Official Knight's Business?"

"Less official and more..." You took a breath and tried to find the right words.

She had already been kinder to you than anyone else you'd come across, and could potentially get herself into trouble just for talking to you. It was strange, though, how clearly you remembered the mischief in her when you met.

"...more the exact reason I'm banned from the cathedral in the first place."

Mary Victoria laughed wickedly and nodded.

"Quick getaway, got it. I've been kinda looking for one of those myself."

She was?

She motioned for you to follow her and she led you through the maze of hallways in the rectory to a room that only a select few would see: the sacristy.

It was the room where the priests would prepare for mass, and especially now that Jinette was a Cardinal, it held a larger array of vestments and vessels. Atop a cabinet in the middle of the room was a white cassock and stole...and your duffel bag, the contents of which had been spread out along the cabinet, obviously rifled through.

Mary Victoria quickly tried to make some sort of excuse, that the Cardinal was just taking a tally of your things, maybe to return everything to you...but you both knew she was just doing it to spare your feelings.

Jinette was never intending to return your things.

You wondered, as you scoffed and shoved your clothes and books back into the bag, how many times this had been done before. By how many "well-meaning" priests and bishops and cardinals. They never took anything—they might have been assholes but they never broke a commandment...besides you would have noticed—but it still made you feel...less than.

Could you be surprised though? Over the years it had been made obvious to you that you weren't...a real person in the church's eyes. Especially to those like Jinette. Thus, the things that belonged to you...weren't really yours either. You were not allowed nice things, not allowed a life.

You hoisted your bag over your shoulder and the two of you made a quick getaway out of the rectory.

Mary Victoria hesitantly asked questions as you walked to fill the silence—where you were going, what you were planning to do when you got there—and you wanted to answer her as truthfully as possible, but you didn't really know what would be waiting for you in Hawkins.

"I'm sorry." She sighed and shook her head when you took a little longer to answer. "I know you can't say much."

"No it's not that," you tried to explain, but she continued.

"The first time I heard about the Order, I just thought it sounded so interesting. Fighting against evil, like something in a movie. But then we weren't allowed to ask any questions. We were told to avoid you unless you needed assistance. That's it. Not who you were or what you did or how to become one."

That was another surprise.

"You want to...be a Knight of the Holy Order?"

"I mean I gue—"

"Sister!" a stern voice echoed from behind you and the two of you stopped in your tracks. Mary Victoria suddenly looked like a deer in the headlights. "Where do you think you're going?"

"Mother Superior!" Mary Victoria greeted the older woman in shock. "I was just showing my friend here the way to the exit."

You recognized her. For most of your acquaintance, she had been Sister Kathleen; she was a severe woman and incredibly devout. She'd come to Los Angeles from Chicago, which is where you met her, once upon a time. She had known you for longer than she would probably ever admit, and disliked you for just as long.

She had been your kindergarten teacher.

What had taken her from teaching children to running an abbey...well that was between Kathleen and God, but somewhere deep down, you liked to think it was because of you. She was not the kindest woman, and you weren't like all of the other children under her care.

You were young and not in control of your abilities yet, but you suppose that was just your Mother's excuse for the number of fires that had been started...one for each of the lies that Kathleen had told.

Because of this Kathleen, much like Jinette, had never been your biggest fan, and it was made obvious as she pushed between you and Mary Victoria, as if to form a barrier. She narrowed her eyes at you in distrust, but you just smiled innocently.

You were leaving; what more could she want?

"I think she can find her own way out," Kathleen concluded sharply. "Mass is starting shortly; we shouldn't be late."

"Oh but, we were discussing the Holy Order," Mary Victoria explained. "About her next mission."

"How many times have you been told to leave the Knights alone, Sister," Kathleen hissed at her, then her eyes slid to you. "Especially this one. Now, we must go."

Mary Victoria nodded solemnly, and followed after Kathleen without another word.

It didn't take much effort for you to reach out and feel the despair within her. You didn't know much about Mary Victoria—you didn't know anything—but it felt as though she was a candle that was slowly being snuffed out. Fighting, desperate for life, for light...unable to do anything but suffocate.

How many times had you felt that way over the years?

You made your way out of the cathedral, threw your things in the backseat, and got situated, ready to begin your journey. But the entire time, as you started your car and you dug through your glovebox to find a tape, your thoughts were occupied by Mary Victoria.

She wasn't a friend, she was a stranger. Someone who you met twice, briefly, in this long, unending nightmare that was your life.

She was also someone who helped you, twice, even if she didn't have to.

But that was a part of her vow, part of her becoming a nun...wasn't it? Helping people in need. She chose to be in this situation, chose to do good.

By that same logic, wasn't that part of your deal as well? Part of your vow, part of your curse?

You could have chosen to live the life you wanted. To indulge in freedom and happiness like every other person on the planet and to choose free will. Plenty of your predecessors had done it. But you chose to keep playing this game. Chose to keep fighting evil and helping people, even if the way you helped them...really only did more harm than good sometimes.

You didn't owe her anything.

But what did people owe one another, other than kindness and consideration and respect.

She was being snuffed out, and if you didn't help her...who else would?

"Fuck it!" You yanked your key out of the ignition, jumped out of the car, and then ran back into the cathedral.

You dipped your hand into the holy water and did a vague sign of the cross as you walked into the chapel and beelined straight for the group of nuns at the front. Mary Victoria was sitting beside Mother Kathleen in the middle of the group. You knelt at the end of their pew and whispered to her.

"Psst, Mare? Hey Mare!" She went wide-eyed at the sight of you; all of the nuns did, actually, and Mother Kathleen's face puffed with anger.

"What is the meaning of this?" she demanded but you ignored her. You were on a mission.

A side quest, Eddie would have called it. Save a damsel in distress before going on your mission. Like Taran saved Eilonwy on his quest to find Hen Wen.

"Do you wanna be a Knight?" You kept your focus on Mary Victoria.

"This is blasphemous!"

"What are you doing?" Mary Victoria hissed fearfully in question. The other nuns and novitiates also cowered at the anger of their leader.

"You said it yourself, everyone's supposed to steer clear of the Knights unless they need help," you explained. "So I'm here asking for help. I think you might be the best fit. You already saved my ass twice."

"Foul language in the church—"

"Seriously?"

"—banned from this cathedral already—"

"I think we need to hit the road before the opening hymn starts, so if you could make a decision quickly so I'm not actually crucified, that would be great?" You held your hands together in a plea and Mary Victoria sighed.

It was the longest two seconds of your life as she got to her feet and pulled the veil off her head. She shoved it in Mother Kathleen's hand then pressed a kiss to her cheek with a quick "forgive me" and then shimmied her way past the other nuns to get to you.

"You're really twisting my arm here.” She rolled her eyes sarcastically and then motioned for you to go.

The two of you made it out of the doors of the Cathedral just as the bell tower began to ring at the top of the hour and the organist hit the first chord for the entrance procession.

When you had first moved into your little apartment in Hawkins, oh so long ago it seemed, a conflict rose inside of you.

It had been empty; barebones made of walls and cabinets and avocado-colored appliances...but not much else. You were expected to fill the barren space and turn it into a home. It was such a daunting task; so much of who you were had been left behind. How could you create comfort when you had nothing to work with? Nothing to go off of?

But you had been on the road for so long, free to do whatever and go wherever you please, that it quickly became a cage. The simple act of defining who you were was something you actively fought. You hid every part of you away from everyone, because surely if no one knew who you were...you didn't need to know either.

Eddie had ultimately been the person who helped you find yourself. He saw the part of you that even you struggled to see. He helped you find comfort in a cage because it was the blank slate you were looking for. You just didn't realize it yet.

Now here you were, back in a cage that was both vast and barren, yet never big enough to provide the freedom it belied.

But it wasn't a cage for you; it was for Eddie.

A cage that he created for himself, whether he realized it or not.

One with bars that he, at first, threw himself against and rattled restlessly as he called for a warden that would never come. As he begged for the parts of himself that he left behind, that he willingly gave away. He could get them back, all he needed was a way out.

You would reach through the bars and whisper sweet words of comfort, promising that you would find the key. You gave him all that you could of himself, reminded him of what it was he left. It was everything you could spare but it wasn't enough to sate him.

Little by little hands began to pull him back, pull him away.

Claw him away.

"Please don't go," you begged. "I'll help you, just stay."

"I'm hungry," he moaned. "So hungry."

More hands flocked to him, ready to provide the sustenance that you barely could. They filtered it back into him, to repay the debt they owed. Because this was not a cage to them, this was their playground.

If you couldn't help make it a home for him, they surely would.

You tried to pry them away but they laughed at you, mocked you; they were stronger than you were, their will to keep him for themselves stronger than yours to save him.

Because as Eddie got weaker, so did you.

To provide for him, you starved yourself.

And one day, it would kill you.

Your world tilted and you woke up as a horn blared in your ears and the car swerved on the highway.

"Fuck you, fucking asshole!" Mary Victoria shouted. "Learn how to drive."

One thing you quickly learned about Mary Victoria was that she was a terrible driver.

The car swerved again and you grabbed the dashboard before you were flung out through the windshield.

Well, maybe not terrible, just...a little reckless.

"Mare? What's going on?"

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up." She gripped the steering wheel tighter and bared her teeth. "It really wasn't my fault; this guy decided to merge last second without putting his signal on. Almost took us out. Fucker."

She also swore like a sailor.

Which was not...mutually exclusive with becoming a nun...but as soon as the two of you warmed up to each other, you learned that the careful and meek personality that she schooled herself into when in a house of God was not the real Mary Victoria underneath.

It honestly sparked your curiosity.

She had, quite literally, nothing but the clothes on her back when she jumped into your car and you left Los Angeles 18 hours ago. You had offered to stop at the abbey to pick up any of her things, and she hesitated.

"I mean...I don't have anything...worth stopping for," she explained vaguely. "Maybe underwear...uh...some extra habits. I didn't have a whole lot when I joined the Sisters, so I don't have a whole lot now."

So you stopped at the first Kmart you passed to pick up some supplies for her.

"It's on me," you insisted when she tried to explain she didn't have cash either. "Since you helped me get my stuff back and you’re potentially going headfirst into danger with me."

She talked a mile a minute as she scanned through the racks of clothes.

Would she need warm weather? Cold weather? These boots looked like they might be good for running in; would you be doing any running?

"Just dress comfortably," you explained, motioning down to your own clothes. A black t-shirt, ripped jeans that had seen better days, scuffed boots, and a canvas jacket that actually belonged to Mickey Caldwell once upon a time. He left it at Eddie's trailer when he went off to college so Eddie insisted it was fair game.

He had ripped off the patches that featured some of Mickey's favorite questionable bands and had found a few that suited your tastes more. You spent an afternoon helping him with his English homework as he stitched them on for you.

"We could be helping with disaster relief, or we could be...jumping out of the way of a creature that's trying to rip our throats out. It's a tossup."

Her eyes got wide but she understood. Her selection was pretty plain, consisting of the essentials. The most exciting article of clothing she insisted on, though, was a brown, imitation suede jacket that hung on her more like a cloak.

"It looks like one I used to have, if that's ok?" she twirled back and forth a bit.

You wouldn’t have said no even if she didn’t explain; her smile was infectious.

Then, at your first stop for gas, she insisted on taking shifts driving so you wouldn’t have to stop for the night...as long as you could grab her a pack of cigarettes.

"Or two, actually. They made me quit cold turkey, and it was brutal," she explained. "But I haven't driven in...a good few years so that would really help me survive this trip."

You got her three packs of Virginia Slims, one of which she chainsmoked during her first 8-hour shift, cigarette perpetually hanging from her lips as she cruised and swerved along I-15.

There was a lot of honking and a lot of singing along with the radio—she even made a joke about stopping in Vegas—but eventually it started getting dark and you both needed to rest.

You insisted that she take the first rest, mostly so you could have some time to think.

"As long as you're fine driving at night," she asked while she got settled.

Of course, you were. You'd spent plenty of nights wandering abandoned roads and ignoring the things that lurked outside of the vehicle, right at the corners of your vision.

You woke her up at an oasis at the crack of dawn to gently wake her up and grab breakfast, before you took your own rest that came to an abrupt stop by—

"GET OVER. STOP STRADDLING THE LANE PAL!"

Mary Victoria laid her hand on the horn again until the box truck in front of you picked a lane. Her hand shot in front of your face to flip the bird at the driver as she accelerated past him.

—By that.

"Good morning to me," you muttered.

"Sorry," she repeated sheepishly.

"Where are we?"

"Somewhere in Iowa." She pointed to the road map that was draped on the dashboard and tapped at a certain mile marker. "We just passed this rest stop...looks like there might be a truck stop coming up...or I can try to turn around if you really need to pee."

What you really needed was to be in the driver's seat.

"I don't mind waiting," you insisted and shifted in the seat now that you weren't in danger from being thrown from the car. "Some nice driving you're doing Mare."

"Listen," she said with a warning tone. "I said I was sorry."

"No, it's funny. The swearing, the honking, the smoking. Not entirely convinced you weren't joking about Vegas either."

"I'll have you know that Sister Prudence talks about the river boat casino that was a half hour from her last convent like it's Disneyland. Nuns just wanna have fun too."

"You're devoted to piety, to God."

"Ah, ah, ah," she tutted and shook a finger at you. "Not devoted to God yet."

"See? There's some hesitation in there," you pointed right back at her. She slapped your hand away. "You're looking for a loophole. How did you decide you wanted to be a nun anyway?”

Her smile was a strange one, nostalgic almost...or as though there was an inside joke between her and...God...the Devil...you would never know.

"That's a long story," she insisted.

"We have nothing but time," you countered.

She leaned back and threw an arm over the back of the bench seat to grab the bag full of treat wrappers and supplies for her cigarettes. She lit one up and then started her tale.

“Yeah it’s…I mean." She immediately paused. "Ok so...yeah I guess I can admit I'm kind of on the fence about it. But can you blame me? It's a huge commitment, and I've already been doing it for years. But every step I get closer to the finish line...I dunno...something just doesn't seem right.

"I've done a lot of healing though, they've helped me out so much. So how can I change my mind now? I used to be...such a miserable person. You know when you just...get into trouble—well I guess you wouldn't know...which hey that how did you become a Knight anyway? Remind me to ask you that again later—but you get into enough trouble and people tell you that the only thing left to do is pray? Well I did.

"Los Angeles...Hollywood...I was gonna be a star, and I ran away from home and my mother told me...well she told me that I was..."

Mary Victoria clamped her mouth shut for a second. A split second. But you saw her lip quiver. She immediately sucked on the cigarette, a deep and hungry inhale, like she needed the hot tobacco to burn through the painful thoughts.

"Well anyway...it's actually not easy to become a star, especially when you come from nothing and you end up...racking up a lot of debt. And then I had this awful boyfriend who got me into more debt and he wasn't even that good in bed but he said he had connections, you know? He did have connections. Said he was gonna help me and I believed him.

"The next thing I know, I'm single, I've been evicted, I have nothing but the clothes on my back and maybe $20 in my pocket. I'm sobbing...like mascara running down the face sobbing. Walking down Hollywood Boulevard and it's literally about to rain. So I pray."

She rolled her window down and flicked the butt out. She then put her hands together in prayer.

"Please God, I just need a sign, I need a chance so I don't just step into traffic right now. I made a mistake, please can you help me. AND BOOM!" She clapped her hands together. "There's this light. I open my eyes and the El Capitan Marquee is right in front of me and wouldn't you know, standing in line are this group of nuns getting tickets to Splash. Fucking. Splash."

It could have been the ridiculous situation the two of you had found yourselves in or a general lack of sleep or just the bond that two people made while driving in a car together, but you both broke out in hysterical laughter. Because the image was just too much to really wrap your mind around.

By the time you overcame the levity, you were approaching the truck stop, and as you perused new snacks, used the restrooms, and filled your tank, she finished the rest of her story.

Sister Bernadette got her a ticket for the movie and dinner that night, offered her a place to stay, and then by morning was asking if she ever considered devoting herself to God.

"And the rest was history," she explained. "Listen, I couldn't have said no. I asked God for help and He gave it to me."

"Did He?" you asked.

"Didn't He?" she parroted.

"You literally jumped when I offered for you to come with me." You shrugged. "I don't think that's...I don't know, devotion."

"What are you devoted to then?" she questioned and something shifted inside you at her words.

You stopped in your tracks as you walked back to your car from inside the convenience store, but Mary Victoria kept talking, hands waving to emphasize your point as you stewed in your own self doubt.

"Why are you in the Holy Order if not to serve God? If not to devote yourself to a righteous cause and to stand for the good of the world against the approaching darkness?"

A thousand thoughts raced through your mind, recollection of a thousand terrible things that you had done in the name of Goodness. And yes some of them were for the greater good, but...the rest?

What had it all been for?

She suddenly realized you weren't beside her and she turned back to you and balked when she saw what must have been a miserable expression.

"Is that what they say about the Holy Order?" you asked tensely.

"Uh..." She swallowed. "I mean...yeah. They don't say a lot. But...I mean...you're heroes."

You quickly approached her and grabbed the keys from her hand so you could drive.

"No," you said darkly. "We're not."

October 9th, 1987

The last leg of your trip started off tense. You barely said a word. Mary Victoria tried to make a joke now and again but it didn't get much of a reaction from you.

Soon you approached Chicago and the radio stations became familiar, sounds and shock jocks that you'd heard for most of your life. You didn't even second guess yourself before you rocketed your car off the highway and through familiar streets.

Mary Victoria had never been to Chicago before, so before you made your final pitstop, you took her to Gene and Judes. Maybe a chance to have a last little something nice before you potentially walked into the jaws of Hell itself.

"So...no Ketchup?" she cracked as she peeled the paper away from her hot dog. "And why is the relish...like...that color?"

"You're kidding right?" you asked with your own mouth full.

"Yes I'm kidding," she rolled her eyes. "Listen...I didn't...I didn't get to say thank you. I know...I-I gave you some shit...and I've been apologizing pretty much since we left LA, but I never said thank you. For helping me out."

"You've helped me out. You're still helping me out," you reminded her.

"Still, please...let me...." she fumbled with her words, but you stopped her.

"You can thank me if I get you back to LA alive," you insisted.

The two of you finished your dinner and then you headed for your home base. A tiny bungalow house with a half-dead lawn and a line of religious statues in the window of the front room—Saint Anthony, Saint Michael, Saint Gabriel, Our Lady of Mount Carmel—to let any curious passersby know that the house was blessed and protected.

You pulled up to an open spot at the curb and told Mary Victoria to wait in the car, you wouldn't be very long.

And you weren't.

The house was still half in disarray from when you moved in after your Nonna passed last Fall. Your mother insisted on selling the old house, but gave you a share of the money and left you with boxes filled with secrets and walls that contained ghosts while she went to enjoy what was left of her own life.

"25 years since I met your father," she said as you begged her not to go. "I just can't do this anymore."

You didn't need much. Everything you were looking for was in your bedroom and the kitchen. You hesitated as you were about to leave and grabbed a small amulet that was hanging by the door: a red horn capped with a golden crown.

You could use all the luck you could get.

And that luck immediately evaded you because when you got back outside, Mary Victoria was at the back of your car with the trunk popped open, and she stared at the contents in confusion.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" You asked as you jogged down your porch steps to get to her.

You tried to push the trunk closed but she held both hands against it and begged.

"What the fuck is all of this?"

You glanced into the trunk and assessed your possessions. Things you tried to ignore most of the time, but had come to help you out in a pinch.

Jars and boxes and books. A larger tome that was a family bible-turned-diary that belonged to a great-great-grandfather. You vaguely remembered your own grandfather reading to you from it as a young child, but you had read it yourself countless times in the past year.

Two large iron crucifixes, all engraved with hyacinths, were tucked in a bag at the back. A set of knives that matched. A revolver with silver bullets that you honestly debated throwing into a river when you opened the trunk for the first time after you had run away from home. Your destiny followed you whether you liked it or not.

It was your grandfather's car, and all of his tools of the trade. And while you didn't have much memory of him, the contents spoke volumes about who he had been and why he met his demise.

"Supplies," you explained.

"I thought you were running in for supplies."

"Different supplies."

"I don't think jars of peppers are supplies," she countered. She reached into the trunk and opened the drawstring of a burlap sack. "I don't think a bag of bones is a supply."

"Keep your voice down," you hissed and forced her hands away and shoved the trunk closed. "The neighbors are nosy. Why are you snooping anyway?"

You got into the driver's seat and immediately hung the amulet around your rearview mirror alongside the existing black cord and tassel and a guitar pick on a ball chain that already hung there. Mary Victoria was quick to slide into the passenger's side and pin you with an inquisitive stare.

"Another pepper? Is that the supply you went in to get?" she asked.

"No but it doesn't hurt to have," you replied.

"It's a pepper," she deadpanned.

"It's a cornicello, it's for luck," you explained and started the car. "It's...an Italian superstition thing."

"You're supposed to be a Holy Knight, not...superstitious. What's this then?" she flicked at the cord that now tangled with the amulet. "Is it a...uh...ARGH! See I can't even think of one because it's not the same."

"They're one in the same," you insisted. "Ok, rule number one about being a Knight of the Holy Order? It's true. It's all true. Everything you know. Everything you don't. Things you couldn't even fathom? They're true."

"So God is real."

"Sure."

"What does that mean?"

"What is God?" you countered. "There could be one, there could be many. There is a Heaven and a Hell. Or you might find Nirvana. Or you could be sent to Jahannam. Or you're reincarnated. Magic and superstition and miracles and damnation. All of it exists. Or nothing does and we exist in chaos and that is explanation enough for all of the shit we see.

"That's the truth you have to face when you become a Knight, and it sucks."

"I..." She sunk into her seat, slightly shocked. Dejected? You couldn't tell. "Ok."

You had a good hour of silence as you got on the Tri-State and crossed into Indiana. But you couldn't even enjoy it because guilt roiled inside of you.

Shit.

Because she was a nun and she was devoted, even if the devotion was on shaky ground, and it was a hard pill to swallow. It had been a hard pill for you to swallow—well, your whole life was the biggest horse pill that had ever been manufactured—when your father had told you at 9 years old that everything you had been told was a lie and that you wouldn't have a First Communion with the other kids because...

You needed something to fill the silence.

You reached across the car to open the glovebox and you pulled a cassette out. An old mixtape with a label that had faded over time; it was skipping in some places but still brought you some comfort.

You shoved it into the cassette player and Ozzy's echoing voice softly filled the car as Bark at the Moon started.

"You don't have a Black Sabbath patch on your jacket," Mary Victoria said softly after a few beats.

"You like metal?" You looked over with a quirked brow.

"Eh that deadbeat ex boyfriend was all about it," she shrugged. "Had wannabe rock stars in and out of our apartment all the time. What about you?"

"I like it but my boyfriend was probably more like the wannabe rock stars than your boyfriend," you explained fondly, thinking of his stupid grin the first time he successfully swung his guitar over his shoulder at the end of a gig at the Hideout.

"You have a boyfriend?" Mary Victoria scoffed.

"Is that so hard to believe?"

"No I just...I don't know. I guess I have questions."

"Ok."

"What, like you're gonna tell me everything?"

"Sure," you agreed. She had told you about her life...you probably owed her some answers. You owed yourself some too, if you were honest. "Ask away."

"Is he a Knight too?" she immediately jumped at the opening. "Your boyfriend?"

"No, he's..." You bit your lip for a second. "No he didn't know I was involved with any of this. And...now he's dead so...guess it's too late."

"Oh Christ," she gasped. "I'm...I'm so sorry I didn't mean to—"

"No it's ok. I'm...it's ok." You waved her on to the next question.

"How did you become a Knight then?"

"I was born into it."

"What do you mean?"

"My father was one, and his father, and his father."

"But it's..." she hesitated. "You guys have like...you're anointed aren't you? Did they...baptize you with holy oil or—"

"My specific case is...unique, I guess you could say," you began and braced yourself to open this can of worms.

"The other knights...yes...they are anointed. They've done good deeds, so they're offered the chance to do more; God chose them to purge the darkness from the Earth. There's no rhyme or reason; you're chosen and you must go. It's almost impossible to say no. They never do. Knights are the best of the best, the purest of soul. It's fate.

"But...then there's me. There's my family. Who, if you ask anyone who is aware of the curse—"

"Curse?!" Mary Victoria exclaimed. "Ok that's not what I expected."

"Curses are real." You shrug. "Unfortunately. And they're often associated with evil right? An evil witch curses a young princess and all of that. But this...this is different. We are the evil. And the good put a curse on us. To punish us."

"And I was not expecting that either." She whistled low. "How are you evil?"

"Can I finish one thought before we move onto the next one Mare, jeez!"

"Sorry."

"Alright," you took a deep breath. "Let's rewind back to the Crusades."

"The Crusades?!"

"Mary Victoria!" You shouted and she shrank back in her seat.

"Sorry," she repeated. "I'll shut up now. But I reserve the right for follow up questions after the fact."

"Fine. So the Crusades. The quest to conquer the Holy Land, the quest for the Holy Grail, all of that. Well, it all stems back to someone wanting power over someone else. That's what happens, that's what always happens. At that time, there were no Knights of the Holy Order, there were very few who understood the way things worked; one belief rivaled another and it was man versus man instead of good versus evil. For a hundred years...more, even. Blah blah.

"And then along comes...something...a gift. Bestowed upon a select few. The power of Heaven itself. Think of...ok this is much later but think of Joan of Arc. She performed miracles, she healed people, she...she saw visions of angels and fought in battles to protect her people. Well...that...so my great, great, whatever...grandfather...was born with a power beyond understanding.

"He was called to fight in a Crusade...his power was too good of a weapon not to use. And he wasn't the only one, there were people like this on all sides...but he was the only one who refused to go. Thou shalt not kill, it is a law of God Himself. But who speaks for God? The King. The Pope. He was just one man...but he stood for what was good and they damned him.

"His blood would have to pay. Every death that he could have prevented now rested upon his shoulders, and the shoulders of his son, and his son, and none shall ever enter heaven until the debt was paid."

"Fuck," Mary Victoria coughed.

"Yeah," you laughed. "Fuck indeed. I think there's an old ass scroll in the trunk that says all of that in Latin if you want proof."

"I'm good."

"So for years, it becomes...I don't know...this legacy. Every father has a son, and they're mercenaries for whatever man is in Power, essentially. In France, in England, in Italy...and then you have, actually, Vlad the Impaler who makes a deal with the Devil to op—"

"NO! Shut up...Vlad...like Dracula?!" Mary Victoria grabbed your arm. "Don't tell me Dracula's real. That vampires are real."

"Vampires are real...Dracula is not," you explained with a laugh. "Whatever, ok Vlad the Impaler makes a deal with the Devil, or so it would seem, to open up a doorway into hell and release darkness. Well it’s all myth...the door was already open. It always has been. He just took advantage of it."

"Sure." Mary Victoria held her hands out in disbelief. "That's the most...normal thing. How does that lead to you?"

"Leads to the Knights," you corrected her. "Because Europe—I mean...the world, really—is now extra overrun with monsters and infernal creatures and bad things. And the Pope sends his chosen few, these people with the power of Heaven, to stop them.

"Now, we don't actually hate this pope," you explain. "He's...he did a good thing. He created the Holy Order. He gave these people with gifts a purpose, to do good. He called my ancestor to Rome, told him to bring his whole family—his wife and son—gave him a home and helped them set up roots. Then he says that this is the chance for penance. No more mercenary work; think bigger. Fight the darkness. Take the oath. Gratia. Charitas. Solamen. Grace, Charity, Peace.

"And what does my ancestor do? He let the wrath take over," you struck your hands against the steering wheel to emphasize your words. "And he killed the pope. Fucking asshole."

"Are you kidding me?" Mary Victoria screeched. "HE...WHAT?!"

"But his son, ok?" You held your hands up to her. "Stepped up to the plate. Killed his own father, of course, and volunteered the family to the Order. He made a vow, which...we know magic and whatever is real...that every member of the bloodline will devote their lives to the Order, shall fight every bit of evil they come across, until the penance is paid.

"And that...is the key here," you concluded. "There's no escaping it. He said the right words in the right order and somewhere in the Celestial Scheme of things, it means that darkness will follow wherever we go, so we can defeat it, and little by little we pay the penance so one day...we can all go to Heaven.

“There’s no escaping it. Even if you wanted a peaceful life, there’s nowhere to run where that vow and the curse won’t follow. Where fate won’t find you.

“And it killed my grandfather. And it killed my father. And one day...either I get to go to Heaven, or it will kill me too and this will all be over."

Mary Victoria scrunched her face.

"What do you mean?" she asked. "It'll be over."

"Well it's gonna end with me," you explained. "I'm...I'm not having kids. I don't know how no one realized it before. Every man and his need to have a son and fucked a thousand years of our bloodline right in the ass."

"But why not just...kill yourself and let it be over now?" she speculated. "If you don't mind going to Hell? The other Knights will carry on the oath. Why prolong the inevitable?"

You felt yourself choke up.

"Th-thanks Mare," you laughed to try to avoid the pain. "Glad to know you're trying to get rid of me."

You saw a sign for a familiar exit up ahead and sighed.

"Well...I would happily just end it...you know? I would...I would spare myself of this mindless activity every day, I would finally get myself out from under the thumb of every priest and bishop and king who think they can manipulate me and use my power for their benefit, if it wasn't for Eddie, my boyfriend."

"Oh shit..."

"Yeah...you know...when he died I begged...I begged everyone, anyone, to undo this curse. Man did it, man could undo it. And when no one would…I asked for them to give me just one clue that Eddie was in Heaven. Everyone told me that if he was a good person, he would be waiting but I needed some kind of sign. He wasn't...he was good but was he Heaven good?

"I even wrote the Pope a letter begging for Beatification—I know, that’s a big stretch—and of course he never saw it. Some secretary sent me a Postcard back," you scoffed. "But I can't...think of him in Hell, I can't imagine him suffering a fate worse than Death because...because I love him. Because Eddie's love was the purest love I have ever known in my life. Because when I close my eyes or I fall asleep I still feel him and I will do anything, I would push myself as far as I can until my body breaks and my soul splits in two just for the chance to get back to him.

"I didn't even think that way when my own Father died. When the Vatican sent me his things, back from some mission that killed him. I was shocked; I could imagine him in Hell...in Purgatory...in some void...but I couldn't mourn, Mare. I didn't feel it, because...because that man wasn't my father...that man was the one who turned me into a weapon who had a fighting chance at something better.

"But he didn't love me. He wouldn't do this to me if he loved me." You gripped the steering wheel with a grip made of steel. It was a wonder that it didn't bend under your touch as the wrath started to fill you. "Maybe when I was born? Maybe...but how irresponsible is that? Knowing you're cursed to eternal damnation and letting your father try to fix it for you and bringing a child into the world just to let it suffer too."

"Now hey that's not fair," Mary Victoria interjected. "Hey now, hey...listen even when my mother and I were on the outs I never thought that she--"

You started talking over her.

"That's why it ends with me. It's not fate. No where was it ever written that there had to be a child to carry it on. They all had an out, they were selfish. There's even...there's even a journal of my great grandfather on the boat from Italy to America...surrounded by a thousand other people looking for a better future and a chance at some kind of prosperity. Sacrificing everything they know for absolute uncertainty. A dream that was a lie. But he talked about watching his small son play with another child. And he wondered if this new life would offer them salvation, if the curse would be left behind, so his son could be happy and free. News-fucking-flash Nonetto, if you didn't have a son, you wouldn't have needed to worry."

The road started to get precarious with potholes and fissures but you navigated them expertly. A weird fog had also started to roll in, and you simply turned your headlights off.

As if this trip wasn't already off to a smooth start. You needed to calm down before you drove into a ditch or hit something.

"Listen," you sighed and looked at Mary Victoria with openness and honesty. "Actually...don't listen to me. Of all the Knights you got saddled with you really got the fucked up one. If this is what you really want, I can help you. We can work together and...and maybe little by little I can break this curse and we can work on your abilities."

"But you just said the abilities are something you're born with," she reminded you.

"Eh...everyone has a little bit of it inside of them." You gestured vaguely out of the car. "There are plenty of people who can...read thoughts or commune with the dead or move things with their minds who haven't...fully unlocked their potential. Being a knight only involves goodness...heroic deeds...and in turn that just opens the door to these abilities a little further. I don't know what it is we might find in Hawkins, but...I don't know, maybe if we actually are able to do some good, we'll be able to see if those abilities can manifest in you."

Mary Victoria smiled wickedly.

"Ok...you know what would be cool," she prefaced. "If...if you could make explosions happen...or...or...conjure the power of the sun."

"Yeah I've seen that last one happen before," you agreed. "It's like...pretty useful against vampires actually."

"Seriously?" her jaw dropped. "Have you seriously seen vampires before?"

"I told you they were real!"

"I didn't think you were the one who faced them!" She turned in her seat and squared her shoulder. "Ok so now I'm really hoping that we face something crazy. Maybe it'll be vampires."

"Maybe."

"Or like...a werewolf...or...ok is Frankenstein's monster a thing because I think that—”

All of a sudden a shadowy figure crossed the road into the street and the two of you screamed as you hit it head on. It rolled over your windshield—cracking the glass—and off your car.

You hit the brakes hard and your car skidded to a stop. The two of you caught your breaths.

"What the fuck was that?" Mary Victoria asked weakly.

"I don't know maybe...maybe a fox or a deer," you rationalized and turned to look out the rear windshield, but all you could see was fog, somehow even denser behind you than it was up ahead.

"A fox?!" she shrieked. "That wasn't a fox!"

"A wolf then," you offered instead and turned back around in your seat. Just up ahead was a decaying green sign that said "Welcome to Hawkins" with the words HELL spray painted over the town name in red.

You felt panic start to grip you and you glanced back out the rear window once more.

You knew, more than anyone, the kind of creatures that haunted Hawkins.

Mary Victoria reached for the door handle and you grabbed her. "What the hell are you doing?!"

"I'm gonna see if it's ok!"

"It's...listen if it's a wild animal, we can just get into town and ask if someone can come look with us." You motioned to the sign. "We're almost to town. It'll be ok."

"Hell," she scoffed. "Sure. Fine. Let's go."

Hell.

You repeated in your head.

More like home.

“Bravest hearts[s] will carry on when sleep is death, and hope is gone.” -- Emily Rodda, Rowan of Rin

Next Chapter: Descendió a los Infiernos

[magnetothemagnificent]

Hello, I have a question about "biblically accurate angels" that I was hoping to hear your opinion on.

At this point it's been made clear that the entire concept of "biblically accurate angels" is antisemitic and ignorant of the actual origin and context of those specific depictions of angels, and I'm just wondering what you think would be the most respectful way for non-Jewish people to address the issue.

What I mean by that is, do you think non-Jewish people should just stop trying to depict angels in that way because there is no way to do so respectfully, and should stop even trying to talk about "biblically accurate angels" at all because they just don't know what they're talking about anyway.

Or do you think that maybe if people educated themselves enough and came up with a less offensive way to refer to those depictions of angels then they could potentially engage with the concept respectfully?

I ask because my fiance is very enamored with the whole idea of "biblically accurate angels" and I'm just trying to figure out if I should tell him to completely drop it because it's antisemitic, or if I should try and find some resources for him to actually learn about how those depictions of angels fit into Jewish beliefs. He watched a video about "biblically accurate angels" made by W*ndigoon one time and I just worry that it's given him an incredibly skewed and innacurate understanding of the subject.

Considering that the Christian tradition of angels does include descriptions similar to those in Ezekiel, I don't think there's anything wrong with depicting angels in this way if you're not Jewish. My issue is with the "fandomization" of angels and the term "Biblically Accurate Angels". I wish people would stop treating them like Eldritch horror monsters, because they're beings people actually believe in. They're not cryptids, they're sacred. If you're going to talk about them, I'd rather the term "Ezekelian Angels" be used, or "Non-humanoid". And yeah from the little I know about W*******on, and of course their highly inappropriate channel name, they're not exactly the best source to get respectful, accurate information about other cultures and belief systems.

If your partner is interested in the theology of angels and their different interpretations, then he should look to Jewish sources on angels and the actual history of them and their depictions. If your partner can learn to not treat angels like cryptids or fantasy monsters, and can learn to treat those who believe in them respectfully, as well as be well-versed in the actual source material, then there's nothing wrong with him being interested in them.

However, if he's not Jewish, he shouldn't be learning about the angelic hierchy and their spiritual attributes in depth, the Mercava, or the Sefirot, as those are deeply embedded in Kabbalah, which is absolutely off-limits to non-Jews and requires a high level of learnedness, even if you're Jewish.

Some basic articles below about angels in Judaism:

Best of luck with your partner!

[diabelosa]

🔥 Infernal/Demonic Language HCs 🔥

Part 2: Celestial/Angelic Language HCs

What is Infernal? Basically the name that the fandom has given Obey Me's hypothetical Demonic Language. In game, one supposedly exists but we have a total of 2 (two) mentions of it. So far.

I will put the references to them + some other posts about it below the cut after the headcanons to keep this from getting too long. If anyone finds anything else feel free to let me know!!

The Actual HCs (minor spoilers for season 3)

🔥 Old Infernal (Pre-Great Celestial War) was very different than Modern Infernal (Post-GCW)

🔥 The Great Celestial War was after the creation of humankind in OM lore, and we also know that angels such as Belphegor and Lilith loved spending time with humans. It's possible that there were other angels who felt the same way

🔥 The means that a decent number of the angels likely picked up on human language (ignoring the possibility of them using magic to have an infinite lexicon)

🔥 Demons also were able to speak some human languages since it made it easier to possess and tempt humans. Sometimes they just spoke in Infernal to give people a good scare for fun

🔥 Biblically, 1/3 of the angels rebelled. Once fallen and thrown into an environment with a language they didn't speak, they began to use human language as a way to communicate with their new demon brethren

🔥 This ends up resulting in the eventual decline of Old Infernal, which is something Diavolo's father would have spoken, and the gradual shift to Modern Infernal

🔥 Hang on, but what about a Celestial Language? Well, the concept of Fallen Angels became big around 500 BC - 70 AD and Hebrew began to die out as a spoken language around (guess) 600 BC - 300 BC. This almost directly overlaps with concept of Fallen Angels so I'm going to ignore history put it in the context of OM lore

🔥 This could possibly mean that Hebrew was initially a language that was spoken in the Celestial Realm (plus Hebrew is often considered to be the first language or the language of God in biblical contexts)

🔥 So when Belphegor, Lilith, and the other angels visited the humans (or their father himself, depending on however you want too look at it), they passed on their own language in exchange for what was spoken, such as Semitic/Sumerian/Egyptian or whatever else could be found in the biblical regions

🔥 If demons actively visited humans, it is possible that they were able to pick up on this language as well (although I doubt they'd be really wanting to start speaking a Celestial tongue)

🔥 This could mean that Modern Infernal/Demonic language is based off an initial conglomeration of Semitic, Ancient/Koine Greek, Aramaic, etc. Hebrew would be another potential shared language but, like I said, not sure if the existing demons would be fully willing to adopt this into Infernal

🔥 The Greek script ended up becoming an official writing system for Modern Infernal, but the Old Infernal system is used for legal documentation (see below cut in Reference 3)

🔥 High ranking angels (Lucifer, Michael, etc.) learned Old Infernal before the GCW for communication purposes despite it being discouraged. This eventually allowed Diavolo to reach out the the Celestial Realm and begin his push for peace between the two realms. However, the masses did not have this knowledge, forcing the evolution into Modern Infernal

🔥 A variation of Hebrew is still the Official Celestial Realm language, particularly due to the fact that the angels who did learn other human languages were likely the ones who fell.

🔥 We've seen in game from the Angelic event that the Celestial Realm is big on keeping things very controlled. After the GCW, there was a huge transition to keep angels in line - this extended to limiting interactions with humans, which resulted in a stagnation of language through outside contact (not to say that there wasn't change in Celestial language, it was just much more limited)

🔥 So while Infernal was evolving, Celestial remained stagnant. Maybe in just more ways than language, y'know?

🔥 Simeon was originally one of the few who was taught Old Infernal, however that knowledge became obsolete with the change to Modern. Even the human languages that he once knew and that had influenced Modern had changed so much that they were not much help

🔥 Angels and Demons are able to learn languages more quickly than humans. When Simeon and Luke came to Devildom for the exchange program, this allowed them to transition much more easily.

In Game References to Language/Writing

Reference 1: Chapter 22-A

"But Ray, Luci's talking about a writing system, not a language."

TRUE. However, the two are usually pretty intertwined, and if anything you are more likely to find a language without writing vs the other way around. So to preface, I'm talking about spoken language, NOT written (although I'll touch on that in a bit.)

Reference 2: Chapter 45-11

Unfortunately, this means absolutely nothing. Below I have the closest possible matches as to what it could mean, but tldr its nonsense for the most part.

dann : "then" (German)

deldaim : ???

parastoka : "ordinary" (Finnish)

kyom : "why" (Hindi)

Since this is in quotation marks, I'm assuming that what Satan is saying here is how it would be pronounced/directly transcribed without any funny business (with the exclusion of "ai" as a dipthong)

I'm going to hold off on dissecting it further for reconstruction for now and will do a follow up post that goes more into detail.

Reference #3: His Highness Unwinds SSR Card

See that G R E E K?! I did a post on this a while ago when someone brought it to my attention and I went into it in a bit more detail here. But as a tldr; the devs just keysmashed some Greek letters.

Thanks to the Lucifer dialogue, we know that Devildom has their own form of writing, but not all languages have their own writing system. Languages like English, French, German, etc. use Latin script and Farsi, Arabic, Somali, etc. use Arabic script.

However, Lucifer does specify "human world" script... and Greek technically would fall under that. So this could possibly mean a few things:

1. The boring but most likely option: Devs just picked a random writing system and it happened to be Greek

2. Lucifer is under the assumption that the MC writes in a roman script (another boring one)

3. There are multiple writing systems, one of which is the original one that was used in Old Infernal and often used for legal purposes.

[spookyboywhump]

Would Nicholas ever do that? Like put a spider on Puppy Cain. As punishment or just for the fun of it.

I know you said once that Zander got rid of the spiders once Charles died for Cain, but like. Did he let Zander go give them to a shop... did he kill them?

Did Zander ever experience Charles making fun/forcing Cain to face his fear? How did he feel about it?

I'm pretty sure you named Cain after a character, but is there a reason that Charles would choose that name? Or did his mum choose it?

What age was Cain when he found out his mum was dead? How did he find out?

Would Wren ever exploit Cains phobia? Cause I know Zander wouldn't.

What's Charles afraid of?

I'm sorry, but last question.

Can I punch Charles Wittaker?

(I know this is long no pressure in answering, or if you prefer separate asks I can do that)

Oooo okie let’s see here

Nicholas absolutely would do something like this to him.

I don’t know if I specified Zander getting rid of them but, despite his disdain for the creatures, Cain wouldn’t have wanted to outright kill them, he would’ve called somebody who actually handles those things as pets to take care of them and get them the hell out of his house while he hid safely in another room. He probably did consider just telling Zander to take them all outside or some shit but the idea of one finding it’s way back into the house was too much for him.

He might not have seen any spider to Cain contact but he would’ve heard his father mocking and berating him for it. It pissed him the hell off but he’d already learned his lesson about defending Cain at that point.

In a way, Cain was named after the biblical Cain, because I took the name from a line in a song mentioning “the mark of Cain”. It was supposed to be Zander’s name, but the full line is “Carved In My Arm, The Mark Of Cain” so I made it Cain’s name, as a funny little haha because Zander’s brand was originally gonna be a scar, carved in his arm. As for his parents’ reason for choosing the name, they wanted to give him a name beginning with the letter C to match theirs (Charles & Caroline Whitaker), so they went off a list of those names. His father wanted to name his son after himself. His mother adamantly refused. His father liked the sound of the name Cain, his mother thought it was a terrible name for her child. A long argument finally came to the agreement that his father could choose the first name, as long as it wasn’t his own, and his mother could choose his middle name with no input from his father. So, Cain Augustine Whitaker.

Cain was around 7 or 8 when his mother “disappeared”, but he didn’t find out she was dead until he was 17, he overheard his father talking about it to someone else when he wasn’t supposed to be home. He did not take it well. He knows she was laid to rest somewhere but he still doesn’t know where.

Wren would but he wouldn’t have realized it was a full phobia. If he thought Cain was just a lil scared of bugs he would’ve done smth like held a spider up to him but once he realized by his reaction it was a full blown phobia even he would’ve felt kinda bad.

Neither god nor death that’s for sure. I don’t think he was scared of much of anything.

Please do. He deserves it.

[op-sheepy]

ok so I'm particularly interested in

Bellamy Law

Law and Bible stuff

Law is a substitute kindergarten teacher

shichibukai applications

reverse hanahaki disease (?? do u spit out flowers when your nemesis walks by?)

if you feel like elaborating on any of these!

This is gonna get long and I actually contemplated posting them separately but would that have been more work? Yeah, that felt like more work so for anyone interested, check under the cut. :D

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Bellamy Law

Hm… This would be an attempt to explore the parallels and contrasts between Bellamy and Law. I've always found it fascinating that the former was a foil to the latter.

They both come from well-off  towns in the North Blue.

Bellamy left because of boredom. Law had no choice because Flevance.

Both ended up seeking Doflamingo  because of  his notoriety as a pirate. Both admired him initially

Doffy favored one over the other though. Bellamy always sought his approval but was never really part of the inner circle Doflamingo cared about.

Law got the dubious privilege of being part of the family despite being absent for so long. Even offered one of the highest seats by Doffy's side for seemingly nothing.

Law had no trouble turning his back on Doffy once he realized the man's nature. Bellamy tried to stick to his principles until the end despite admitting that he new he was wrong.

Bellamy can (and did) quit piracy after his ordeal with Doflamingo. Having the option to live peacefully, perhaps a return to his previous life (the one he considered boring). Law can't do that quite as easily what with his Devil fruit and his reputation.

I thought it would be interesting trying to explore what Bellamy was thinking. Did he hear the Donquixote Pirates talk about their missing 'family'? Did he get to see Doffy be amused at Law's rise as a Supernova while he kept being reminded of his own status? Did Law save Bellamy partially because he also saw what he could have been had Corazon not saved him?

On principle, Bellamy should have hated Trafalgar Law. Does. Bastard even saved him without him wanting it. But there was something about the shadows haunting those eyes and Bellamy started to wonder.

He had heard the family talk about Law before. The child personally taught by Doflamingo, chosen to be his right hand. Never was he compared to the man because Law was just obviously better. Smarter. Stronger. Bellamy was ever just an uncouth thug.

He was allowed to 'borrow' Doflamingo's symbol while Law had an empty seat waiting for his return–a seat Bellamy had wanted enough to risk everything for.

Maybe he had resented, Trafalgar Law for carelessly rejecting the things he had that Bellamy had always desired. In the end too, Trafalgar Law did prove to be better. He'd done as a child what Bellamy had trouble doing even as he was now.

But having been given the chance to observe the other man as they all recovered, he wondered, perhaps for the first time, whether despite Law being better than Bellamy, Bellamy had had it better–barring the poor life choices.

---------------------------------o

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Law and Bible stuff

This is just me wanting to know how many biblical parallels and themes I can draw from Law, the Donquixote brothers, the characters associated with them, and his backstory. Honestly not sure whether this would become a fic and in what style or I'm gonna give up and just make it a post.

Not gonna elaborate on them much but here are the ideas in more bullet points (yay):

Law gets familiar with all four horsemen of the apocalypse: conquest, war, famine, and death. He even survives them.

Law is like the son in the parable of the prodigal son to the Donquixote pirates. Except the themes are inverted.

Doflamingo and Rocinante -> Cain and Abel

Ope Ope no Mi -> Granting eternal life by sacrificing one's own life

Gods descending or living among humans. Also, Homing and his family being prosecuted for other people's sins.

That scene where they were hanged by their arms outstretched looks like a crucifixion. Also, Rocinante was on the right while Doflamingo was on the left. Similar to how the penitent thief was on the right and the unrepentant one to the left.

Flevance being considered a paradise with walls/fences/gates and somewhere Law cannot return to.

In the panel where the Donquixote pirates are seated at the table, there were thirteen of them with Doffy at the center. Same as The Last Supper

There are a lot more of these (David and Goliath, Solomon, Jonah, Job, etc.) but I kinda lost the notes and some are more visual so I can't really explain it too well. This would is a drabble series to emphasize or highlight the parallels so no proper snippet for this one.

---------------------------------o

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Law is a substitute kindergarten teacher

Originally an idea to get around most of the Heart Pirates being nameless but evolved to include other characters as kids. Chopper is a kindergarten teacher and he convinces Law to take over his class for a week because somehow Law has the qualifications to and free time. Naturally, he wasn't able to say no.

Unfortunately, despite not being terrible at handling children, Chopper's class is filled with menaces. Also, despite not being terrible, Law can still be awkward so...

"Mr. Trofao–fargar—"

"Trafalgar."

The kid—which one was this one again? Shit, he should really get them name plates or something—scrunched up his face and tried harder, "Tar-pal—"

"Law. Just call me Law."

"Mr. Low"—eh, close enough—"can I go to the bathroom?" Wide imploring eyes stared up at him.

"Sure, go ahead." Law gestured towards the exit of the classroom with his head.

The kid just stared expectantly at him and he tried to suppress the need to narrow his eyes.

"Is there… anything else?"

"Mr. Chopper always comes with me to hold my hand."

Really?

"Mr. Chopper isn't here. You should practice doing it on your own now." He said after a deep inhale.

"But the monsters might get me…"

"No, they won't."

"You don't know that."

"I do." Before the kid could open his mouth again to argue, he added, "Besides, children taste terrible so you're safe."

The kid looked stricken and took a step back from him. Uh oh. Glistening eyes, wobbling lower lip… "Alright! I'll go with you." The kid did not look reassured. In fact he looked like going alone with Law was the last thing he wanted to do. Guess, he kinda implied that he ate children didn't he? Oops.

Well, the kid needs to go and he's not going to be cleaning up after him if he wets himself.

Law glanced at the rest of the children. It was Arts and Craft time and they seemed preoccupied enough. Still, Law doubted Chopper ever left these kids alone–already he could see some of them glancing up at him, waiting for him to leave no doubt to cause trouble. That Monkey kid in particular looked extremely suspicious.

He stood up from his crouch and clapped twice to get everyone's attention.

"Alright. Fall in line. Single file."

There was some grumbling and questioning directed at him. "What's going on?"

Law shrugged. "You're all going to the bathroom."

---------------------------------o

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Shichibukai Application Forms

Crackfic where the World Government and relevant parties review various Shichbukai Applications. Most submitted by the pirates applying themselves, some produced by their own staff. They discuss and debate. As well as judge pirate resumes.

She scanned the document. Terrible format, really. If you fail to impress within the first page, you've failed entirely. There just wasn't anyone promising enough in this batch of applications or any of the other ones before. The last one had been that clown. "Apprentice to the Pirate King," was a pretty hefty credential.

"Oh, how about this one? Three years experience pillaging, and they even listed all the towns they looted." One of the newly transferred administrative staff said.

"None of these are worth considering at all. You know, when Mihawk was asked to submit his application, he hadn't bothered with all of this. He just sent us a card with his name on it and the title "World's Strongest Swordsman," underneath."

The staff perked up. "Oh, there was an application like that." There was scramble and some shuffling before a plain white card was produced. "Here."

"'From Trafalgar Law'. What does this even mean?"

"Well, it did come with a big box..."

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Reverse Hanahaki Disease

(?? do u spit out flowers when your nemesis walks by?)

Haha. At first it was going to be that way (because it is hilarious) but the inflicted would probably choke to death too soon. Or if both enemies had it, they'd end up just coughing flowers at each other until they stopped being enemies.

The version I ended up going with was that this variant of Hanahaki, instead of afflicting those with unrequited love, affected those in denial instead. The reverse part comes from the original idea that this would usually happen if you somehow fell in love with your nemesis (someone you originally hated). So it's not the thought that the other person can't love you, it's that you can't accept that you love that other person. You get cured by confessing to the person sincerely.

This is actually another KidLaw (surprise!). And the flower coughed up directly represents the person they're in love with (I went with Oda's flower representation for them because I found it funny for plot)

So the idea is that, you get sick but you don't automatically know (maybe) who it is because that's part of being in denial. Kid and Law have many enemies after all. In this story they both get it though not exactly at the same time and not known to the other.

He survived Amber Lead Syndrome only to be killed off by a stupid flower disease that apparently knows more about his own feelings than he does.

He glared at the petals. Tulips. Red.

An image of a cocky grin and a shock of red hair flashed through his mind and—nope. That's not right.

He coughed harder, tears stinging his eyes with the effort. More flowers. Now he has enough for a bouquet.

Alright, he was a doctor. He could do this. Differential time.

First, which variant does he have. He doesn't particularly feel unloved or hopeless. There wasn't anyone he wanted in particular to love him. Ok, nothing. It was maybe safe to say he had that other variant.

Which was stupid because Law had many enemies and he hated all of them.

And cue the racking coughs. More red. He was very familiar with that particular shade.

New theory. This was a new variant that somehow makes you sick when you think of the person you hated the most.

Yes, that had to be it. He thought as he all but collapsed on the floor from the sudden paroxysm.

I knew this was gonna get long. :) Oh well...

Thank you for playing. :D

[mithliya]

it's so interesting the Ashkenazi as MENA diaspora thing, like technically though a lot of Sephardic Jews moved up north during the inquisition like to the Netherlands so that is my most generous interpretation? Like my dad's side we have Ashkenazi customs but technically he's of Sephardic descent.

😭 but anyways I find the whole gene trial really weird? I'm not a WOC because in a racialized sense the axis of oppression I face isn't based on 'colour'. However, it is based on ethnicity as a Jewish person so I think because there's no umbrella for that it's hard to talk about it clearly. Like there's anti semetism for Jewish people (of the faith) and for Jewish people (of the family background.) So there's a basis of oppression where 'race' is Jewish, but it's generally subsumed into whiteness - yet still exists distinctly too. Like for instance, my university used to have a barring quote of how many Jews could be let in, and people literally changed their names so they could pass into white American society. It wasn't a natural placement into the 'white', as no racial construct is natural. Not to get like ohhh biblical but there's an interesting like from the megillah pertaining to this: "There is a certain people, scattered and dispersed among the other peoples in all the provinces of your realm, whose laws are different from those of any other people."

Technically I think because of the dispersal there's an idea that since Judaism was birthed in the middle east and then dispersed that means you are MENA based, even like 2000 years later. And the basis of this is mainly because even now the group is seen as distinct - however where she is wrong in saying this means she's a WOC of MENA origin is that this oppression is not based on being from the middle east. That's happenstance, rather it's an axis of oppression from historical anti semetism creating a new construct of ethnicity.

I understand in a way wanting to find an easy label to help you be linked to other oppressed groups, however adopting what doesn't fit is really off base. Like my university literally has no definition of anti semetism, because they find it too complex, but they do have one for race. In my reporting of an anti semetic incident I actually needed to use a racial incident report file. Fun fact, I needed to fill in my race, and the race of the one who said the slur,,, like but there was only 'colour' options so I'm out here editing in Jewish below the white box ☠️☠️😭😭. They were good about addressing it, but it felt really weird to fill in.

Sorry for the long message! I just have a lot of thoughts about this. In summary I think that WOC is not apt in encompassing what a Jewish Ashkenazi woman is in general society, although how colour vs ethnicity in the past has been formulated influence such distinction.

Best of love ❣️

at the end of the day, i don't think ht disagree whatsoever from what you had to say. i think antisemitism is a unique and distinct experience which is similar to racism, but not quite equatable fully to racism, as you said. as a non-jewish woc, i have not experienced antisemitism nor can i really, even if i were to convert my experiences would be different from mizrahim jewish people, who would experience racism as well as antisemitism on the basis of their ethnicity.

my ex-gf is also half ashkenazi jewish, with a mother that is italian jewish. she's super white and told me a lot of the antisemitism her mother experienced. many of her ethnically jewish features, such as her curly hair and long nose, were put down and used to single her out. despite that, my ex is well aware that those things do not make her nor her mother a woc. moreover i've seen plenty jewish poc speak on this, such as ones indigenous to palestine/israel (like their family has never left, or only left when israel was established), mizrahim, beta israel, etc and i've seen them take issue with ashkenazim pretending that being ashkenazi = being a poc and facing racism. i've seen them emphasise that this is erasure of their experiences as jewish poc, and how ashkenazim have privilege & power over them & that such statements erase that reality.

at the end of the day, i don't think white jewish ppl like the following:

are somehow going to experience what poc, including jewish poc, experience.

also co-opting the term "MENA diaspora" just feels very wrong to me anyways. there are MENA diaspora that are jewish.........ashkenazim are not an example of "MENA diaspora". ashkenazim that were forced to flee their homes in, for example, austria or the many french jewish ppl that had to flee france.. they're definitely part of the jewish diaspora but MENA? no